#which. we’ve had similar conversations in the past but it wasn’t ever quite so blatant

[thepocketedindividual]

.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Twelve

Part Eleven

Pairing: Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC

Words: 3k

Warnings: Mentions of drug use, implied sexual situations, language

Tag List: @vamprlestat @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @fandomshit6000 @lilmou5ie @tamedhearts @divaanya @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx @ratedrkohardychick91 @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @thanks2pete @abaldboi @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium @caos18blog @ytwahsog @shamlessobsessions @scarecrowmax @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471

**Let me know if you want to be tagged**

———————————————————————

She was out of her ever-loving mind.

I watch from the corner of the loud penthouse suite as Tansy dances provocatively on the bar of the kitchen island with Sparkie, a sea of bodies surrounding them and having their own raunch fest as loud pop music blares out over the stereo system.

Every girl here is a model of some sort, everything from Vogue to the cheap porn magazines you get at a check out line of a grocery store, and I'm pretty sure every guy here is a drug dealer judging by the excessive amount of narcotics laying around, and I've witnessed Tansy doing every single one after another.

Worry builds a home in my gut, my eyes watching as the bleach blonde escapes to her own world and zones out, keeping her eyes closed as she clings to Sparkie to keep from losing her balance.

Tansy never touched drugs when we were in high school and she didn't drink that much, yet here she is, acting as if she could be the long lost member of Nikki and Tommy's Terror Twin duo.

I take a swig of my water, watching Tansy start pulling at her tight, Sky blue dress. Knowing better than to try to stop her, I'm left watching her strip down to absolutely nothing. I learned quickly that she's mean when enough drugs get in to her system, trying to stab me with her keys when I tried to get her to keep her clothes on. She knows how she acts when she's messed up, and she's not ashamed of it in the least, so I let her do as she pleases.

I do, however, avert my gaze as Sparkie starts trying to get his pants down to screw her.

Inevitably this will turn in to a huge orgy like every other night we've partied. Plenty of parties in L.A. get this nasty, but Nikki usually keeps stray hands from groping at me. I'm defenseless here, so I know to slip to the balcony out by the master bedroom.

I kick my heels off as I step through Tansy's room, sliding the glass door open at the balcony and step on to the cement, looking over at the shining city.

I look up, unable to see a single star in the sky due to the brightness of the neon lights.

"Well, that's stupid." I mumble, rolling my eyes, looking down at the city over the side of the railing.

"Don't jump," A woman's voice says and I snap around, seeing someone I recognize immediately, not only from Tansy's modeling circle, but from Vanity 6.

"I'm not, I just needed some air." I explain to her, looking back to the city. She stumbles to me slightly, gripping at my shoulder with a shaking hand as she stands next to me before holding on to the metal bar in front of us for support.

Denise Matthews a.k.a...

"Vanity," she introduces herself, extending her hand with the energy of an excited puppy.

Judging by her fidgeting and slight jitteriness, it's drug induced.

"I know." I say back, glancing at her. "I'm Vivian."

"Tansalyn's told me about you." She states with a nod. I frown at her using Tansy's government name, not able to recall the last time I actually called her that. "Why aren't you inside having fun?" She blatantly asks me and I smirk.

"Has she not mentioned I don't do sex parties?" I ask innocently, waiting for her answer.

"Ha!" She laughs humorously, her eyes squeezing closed as if I just said the funniest joke she's ever heard.

"What?" I furrow my brows and she calms down with a hum, her dark red nails pressing to her lips.

"It's pretty impossible to be in this industry and not have a thing, is all." She shrugs and I look at her, confused.

"A thing?"

"A thing to distract you. Like relationships or drugs or alcohol or money...or all of it, if you're like Tansalyn." She suggests, still chuckling. "A thing to help kinda numb you from everything once they strip away every ounce of innocence you have left and turn you in to their pretty little dolly and have you dancing up on their strings." Her dark words are said with a light as air touch to them and I slightly shake my head.

"Oh, I—I'm not in the industry at all. Tansy and some friends back home are my only connections to the entertainment world." I tell her gently.

"You're pretty. They'll snatch you up in the blink of an eye and get something outta you, too, before you can stop any of them, I promise." She tells me, relentless in her attempt to warn me, still speaking as if what she's saying isn't a big deal. She even giggles a little and waves her hand a couple times, dismissively.

"What's your thing?" I ask.

Her candidness fades quickly and she's putting her mask back on, smoothing down her dark hair and licking her glossy lips.

"I don't need one. I just really like what I do." It's bullshit coming from her lips as she gives me the same fake smile she probably gives everyone else to try to help her deny the fact that she’s trapped.

I thought she was a lunatic when I met her. I thought she was a lunatic when I found out she taught Nikki how to freebase cocaine. And I thought she was a lunatic when she and Nikki started hanging out when I wasn't home. Of course all of that happened years after I met her, but had I known I was having a conversation with the one woman who would go on to make my marriage even more of a living hell, I would've thrown her off the balcony.

However, I always felt sorry for her because she reminded me so much of Tansy. And Tansy was in a similar situation as Denise, except Tansy was way too prideful to even hint that anything was wrong. She didn't want to burden any of us with her struggles. I suspected something was off when she informed me of her heroin usage, but she denied it had anything to do with her modeling, so she continued to be used and abused but didn’t reach out for help until she and Sparkie broke up in ‘87.

The next few nights consist of the same type of parties, just at different locations. It isn’t until I sit one of them out and stay at the apartment by myself that I’m actually able to have time for phone calls.

“Viv?" Nikki's voice sounds through the other line once I answer.

"Hey!" I pipe out enthusiastically, glancing at the clock to see it's 2:00am here, which means it's 11:00pm in L.A. "I figured you'd be out with the guys by now." I add.

"Uh, yeah, me and Tommy are about to head out, I was just calling to check up on you." He explains, a quiet moment settling between us before he clears his throat. "You know, I tried calling last night and the night before and you never answered."

I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my forehead with my free hand, breathing out.

"Yeah, we haven't been here very much, actually." I say to him truthfully. "Tansy's a hell of a lot more busy than I think any of us thought she was. She has to wake up at eight o'clock in the morning and she works all day and parties all night. We only come back to her apartment to make a quick clothing change, and then again when we get back in the middle of the night to go to bed."

"Tansy parties all night?" He asks me skeptically and I scoff.

"So badly that the Terror Twins might have to turn in to the Terror Triplets." I state.

"Oh, damn." He chuckles and I rub my lips together.

"Also," I start nervously. "Tansy's asked me to stay an extra week."

The other line is silent, and I begin to think I lost his call or something, but I hear his heavy breath sigh out.

"I know I've already been here for over a week and I said I'd only be gone for two weeks but I never get to see her, Nikki." I point out.

"Well, we don't necessarily see each other as much as we use to either, Viv, even when you're here." He argues.

"And neither of us can really help that. Unless you want to quit music and work a nine to five while I go back to school."

"I just thought the point of you quitting school was to avoid leaving us but none of us have gotten to see you much any this past month." He argues.

"Because you're working on an album and I have my own things I want to do, like visit my friend when she needs me to." I try to keep from getting too defensive. "If you can't go three weeks without seeing me then how are we gonna raise a baby with you traveling everywhere because I'm not taking a baby all over the world, Nikki."

"That's not even anything to be worried about. We'll cross that bridge when we get there a very, very, very long time from now." He's matter of fact and I roll my jaw, about to throw a wrench in to his plans.

"Well, then God has a sense of humor because I'm pregnant, Nikki. And I would like to cross that bridge before I'm in labor with my husband in a completely different country."

I can't stop myself from blurting it out, and the line's an ear shattering silence for God knows how long before he suddenly hangs up the phone.

I didn't blame him for lack of communication after that. I had basically told him, over the phone, he couldn't afford to be a Rockstar the way he dreamt of for years. It was the one time I had told him I was pregnant, out of seven pregnancies, and it wasn't in the way I had wanted to tell him, and that was my fault. I couldn't blame him for it.

I got through half of the next week, which was the third week I had been in New York with Tansy before the unattempted phone calls from Nikki and blatant ignoring of my calls to Nikki, got the best of me.

I head to the doors of the airport, my bags in hand as I step outside and see Vince's car, with him leaned against it with crossed arms. I let out a relieved breath that he didn't forget about me.

He gives me a closed mouth grin as I approach him with a similar expression. I'm not sure if Nikki's told him or not, but he doesn't seem to make a big deal about it if he does know.

I set my bags down as he takes a step closer to me and hugs me.

I'm used to Vince's playful little passes, like randomly holding my hand for a few seconds, putting his arm around me, biting me, trying to lick me, and hugging me with the same energy of a horny Chihuahua humping a pillow. But this is a genuine hug without teasing intentions, which is something I don't recall ever getting from him.

He smells like tanning oil and light liquor, his exposed arms, chest and abdomen from his opened white button down shirt, are extremely warm and he has the tiniest hint of a sunburn on his nose.

"You left the beach for me." I state, pulling away to look at his freshly sun-kissed skin.

"I was your only hope being that the other guys are in the studio." He explains with a shrug, grabbing my bags and putting them in to the trunk of his car.

"Oh, I bet Nikki loves the fact his singer isn't putting forth any effort." I add and he rolls his eyes behind his brown tinted aviator sunglasses as the two of us get in to this car.

"Once Nikki stops bitching and actually writes me some fuckin' music to sing, I'll get in the studio." He says and I buckle my seatbelt and hold back a laugh. "So, what're the wedding plans, now?" He asks me casually after a moment of driving.

"If we even get married. Nikki might just run for the hills and pretend he doesn't know I exist while chasing his dreams." I comment, rubbing my eye and Vince takes in a sharp breath. "Probably end up getting married this month like he wanted to do originally. I don't want to be fat at my wedding."

"There's always Vegas." Vince suggests, trying to lighten the mood. "Holy shit your mom's gonna stroke out, Viv." He laughs at the realization and I eventually join him, the two of us sadistically finding humor in my mother's disapproval.

"...Is he mad at me?" I ask after we calm down and he shakes his head.

"I've been needing an excuse to kick his fucking ass and him being pissed at you is a good one."

"The hell happened between you two?" I ask him and he scoffs.

"He's just being an asshole."

There's a pause that passes between us and I think of one thing that's against Vince if he and Nikki are to ever get in to a physical altercation.

"He's a little taller than you, Vince." I remind him.

"Which means I swing low, Viv." He assures me and I raise my brows.

Once we get to the parking lot of the studio, he pulls a flash from his glove box and takes a few sips, offering it to me.

I raise a brow and look at him, then at the flask, and back to him.

"Oh," He closes it. "I forgot you don't drink."

I want to say, "I'm also pregnant" but decide against it, letting him have his moment.

We get out of the car and head inside, seeing Doc and

one of the sound engineers heading back inside the studio.

Doc stops when we get to the door, holding it open for Vince and greeting him.

"Vivian," He says to me next as I'm about to walk in to the room. "Congratulations."

I don't say anything in return, only giving him a small smile as I prepare to face Nikki.

My eyes catch on him before he even notices I'm here and I watch with cut eyes as he and Tommy cut up a couple of lines together and take turns snorting it, being adored and doted on by two incredibly scantily clad women hanging off each of them.

A part of me wants to knock Nikki and the brunette in the back of the head, but another part of me doesn't feel like she's worth the wasted breath it would require to tell her to screw off, if Nikki clearly won't reinforce it. And the fact that he won't pisses me off.

"Down, kitty." Vince mumbles teasingly as he pats my shoulder before brushing past me to get to the sound booth and Doc glances at me, noticing my discomfort.

He deliberately hits the intercom before clearing his throat, catching Tommy's, Mick's and Nikki's attention just as Vince walks in.

Like a toddler, Tommy's squealing when he sees me, discarding the blonde woman next to him as he trips over the back of the couch, trying to jump over it in order to get in here to me.

He's snatching the door open in a heartbeat and attacking me, nearly taking me to the ground with his weight as he clings to me as if for dear life.

I close my eyes after a second of him squeezing me to him and telling me how much he's missed me, trying to fill me in on what all's happened here while I've been away.

My calmness is short lived as I open my eyes and see that Nikki hasn't even given me a second glance, continuing to strum at his bass as he shows something about it to Mick.

"You excited or what, Viv?" Tommy nudges me with his elbow, showing me a wide smile. Of course Tommy's stoked. I didn't expect any less from him.

"Very." I tell Tommy. It's a partial lie, but I can't bring myself to ruin his positivity.

When Nikki and Mick finish up, Mick's kicking at his leg, causing Nikki to finally look at me.

He brushes it off and goes back to work, shaking his head a little.

Everyone seems to be oblivious about what's going on, aside from Mick, who just gives me a glance and says something to himself, picking at his guitar and scribbling another note down.

I just want to go home.

I step to the door of the sound booth and swing it open, causing Vince, Mick and the two girls to look at me as I step towards Nikki, holding my hand out to him.

"Keys." I say blankly, raising a brow as he stops playing.

He finally acknowledges me, looking up at me blankly as I start tapping my foot on the floor, knowing it'll piss him off if I do it enough. Ignoring me, he turns back to strum on his bass and ask Mick's opinion about a lyric.

"May I have the car keys, please, Nikki." I ask him venomously, knowing he's ignoring me to be spiteful about my attitude.

"You're not driving my Porsche." He states and I cross my arms.

"You mean the Porsche I begged you not to buy?" I ask.

"I mean the Porsche I've worked my ass off for." He snaps around to face me.

"Well, I want to go home." I argue.

"You can always walk." The brunette, that was practically dry humping Nikki earlier, speaks up from the couch she's seated on.

"You can always suck my clit." I shoot back and she rolls her jaw.

"Better yet, go back to New York." She's borderline raising her voice at me.

"Better yet, go back to the street corner you were scraped off of."

"Cunt." She states.

"Hey! Shut your goddamn mouth!” He yells at the girl, pointing his finger at her.

She closes her mouth, glaring at me, and I wait for Nikki to give me the car keys so I can leave.

He looks at me, letting out a frustrated breath before handing me the keys to his Porsche.

“Just go.” He says as waves me off, irritated.

“I'll see you when you get home, then." I tell him, giving the strange girl one last cut of my eyes before storming out and slamming the door.

[goldendream-s]

what were the odds (pt. 2)

a/n; 2.5k of some fluff bc next part is gonna have some angst!

PART 1

MASTERLIST || REQUEST

The first two weeks of your summer flew by in what felt like seconds and you’d been living your best life since. After spending a cellphone-less week camping in a secluded location with your family, you were glad to see your friends again for game night hosted by your friend, Michael.

You had met Michael through Sammy at the beginning of your freshman year of college and the three of you, along with some others, quickly became best friends. With all of the exams that had just occurred a mere two weeks ago, everyone thought it'd be a good idea to get together and catch up.

Setting down a few of your favorite candies along with a pillow next to Sammy, you greeted her with a hug. The two of you spent a couple of minutes talking about what you had missed in the week you were camping, which was apparently a lot.

“Wait, so you just stopped talking to him like that?” you tried to hide your laughter and expression of surprise. You were a little confused as to why she’d drop Brian after you spent hours on end listening to her ramble about how nice he was.

“Brian’s great and all, but I realized how much I love being single. I just wanna spend this summer working on myself without having to worry about another person. I can be my own badass and I don’t need a man to do so,” she explained as you nodded in agreement.

“Plus, I heard California has a lot of hot guys,” Sammy laughed, referring to her upcoming trip to the states. 

If there was one thing you absolutely adored about Sammy, it was her bluntness. She didn't like beating around the bush, and she’ll be the first to tell you if she notices something fishy. Her outgoing personality complemented your calmer one, and in a way, some of her extrovert-ways have rubbed off on you.

A couple drinks and rounds of Cards Against Humanities later, everyone in the circle around you was tipsy if not drunk. That was, except for you. You had an interview for an internship tomorrow afternoon, meaning getting too crazy with the drinks was a no-go for you.

Through all of the laughter that had erupted from reading out of the cards, there was a knock on Michael’s door. Michael did mention that he had invited another person to join, but a little later into the night. No one else seemed to notice it, so you took it as your cue to check.

Opening the door, you nearly stopped dead in your tracks as your recognized the familiar head of curls. There stood Shawn, looking even better than he had the first time you met him. His pink hoodie was traded for a fitted black button up that perfectly accentuated his biceps and revealed some tattoos that you hadn't seen when you met him in the restaurant. 

Noticing your obvious shock, he was the first to speak up.

“Fancy seeing your here, huh? What are the odds,” he brightly laughed as you nodded and let him into Michael’s apartment. You couldn’t seem to formulate any coherent sentence, awkwardly walking to the kitchen where everyone else was. The two of you haven't seen each other -let alone talk- since you last saw him weeks ago. Chills were sent up your arm as you scolded yourself for letting him have this effect on you again nonetheles.

You’d be lying if you said you had been thinking of Shawn because quite frankly, your encounter with him had barely crossed your mind in the midst of all of your other summer plans. You thought meeting him would be a one time thingmand as much as you would like to get to know him better, he probably wasn't nearly as interested.

The two of you went the next hour without making contact with the other, both immersed in separate conversations and games. Everyone had moved to the balcony, where a fireplace and view of Toronto’s city lights made up the view. You’d spent a lot of that time trying to advert your gaze at anything but Shawn. You were obviously attracted to him, but you couldn’t convince yourself that you’d ever be anything more than a friend of a friend to him.

A nudge to the ribs broke your train of deep thought as you were met with Sammy’s hazel eyes. “So,” her voice lingered, “do I gotta be the one to point out how late guy over there has been staring at you for the past hour?” 

Looking across the room and searching for Shawn, your eyes met his. You blushed at Shawn’s blatant staring, but you shot down your best friend out of denial.

“Uh, I-” you were at a loss of words, realizing you never got to tell Sammy that you had met Shawn that time she made you tag-along with her and Brian.

“Relax, it’s cute how you haven’t noticed. Shawn’s a nice guy. I approve,” she spoke, only causing you to cover your red face with your pillow.

“How do you know him?” you questioned, wondering why everyone seemed to have met him but you. 

“Michael and I went to high school with him. I don't think he knows me since we’ve never talked, but we were in the same friend circle. He’s been in and out between here and L.A. working on some music with a producer back in California. Surprised he didn’t bring his damn guitar to this get-together,” she laughed, already talking about another subject with the girl to her right. You were left to think about her words by yourself, not remembering Shawn mentioning about L.A.

Removing yourself from your comfortable seat, you walked back into Michael’s apartment to search his fridge for another sparkling water.

After digging in the fridge for the drink you couldn’t find, you tiredly sighed, planning to make your way back outside with the rest of your friends.

As you turned around, your path was abruptly blocked by none other than Shawn. Stumbling a bit from bumping into him, his hands were quick to catch your forearms, steadying you. 

Heart beating out of your chest, you didn’t know what to do as you felt heat radiate through your smaller frame. Shawn didn’t move either, keeping you in place as your back was practically pushed against the the fridge door. Shawn’s face was just within your reach, allowing you to notice his rosy complexion and a scar lying under his right cheek.

“Uh, hi. Sorry for bumping into you like that,” you breathily spoke, trying to ease the obvious tension in the room.

“No it was my fault, I was in your way,” he apologized, his large hands still gently wrapped around your arms, causing you to glance down at them.

“Right, sorry ‘bout that,” he quickly released his grip on you as soon as he realized what you were looking at. A blush similar to yours crept on his face as he took a few steps back, finally allowing the both of you to breath. You missed his touch as soon as it left, as you were starting to regret pointing it out in the first place.

Glancing over your shoulder and noticing the drunk state of your friends, you realized you’d probably be stuck at Michael’s for another couple hours. Walking over to the kitchen island, you hoisted yourself on the counter.

“Doesn’t look like they’re planning to go home any time soon,” you spoke, trying to ease the quietness of the kitchen.

“Oh for sure. I've lost count of how many beers Michael and Brian have had,” Shawn’s hand ran through his messy curls, his cheeks more rosy than when you first saw him earlier tonight. Walking around the counter, he easily lifted himself next to you. He sat close enough for you to smell his musky yet pleasant cologne, both of your backs turned from the rest of your friends outside.

“Must be nice. I don't even think they’d notice if I left right now,” you laughed, explaining to him how you were trying not to drink for the night.

The two of you made small talk, as he even asked how your camping trip went. Telling the story of how you managed to nearly get lost in the middle of nowhere, you noticed how much closer the two of you were than when you first started your story. His shoulder was touching yours, your legs nearly on top of each other’s. Shawn intently listened, his eyes never leaving yours. 

With his head resting on his hand, Shawn couldn’t help but get lost in your soothing voice. As interesting as your camping stories were, he couldn’t help but admire your features, memorizing every detail of what must’ve been the most gorgeous face he’s ever seen. He regretted not asking for your number the first time he met you at the restaurant, but this time around, he was determined to get to know you. 

“Hey, do you maybe wanna get out of here? I know a place just a few minutes from here that’s open all night. Their food is the best at this time of night,” he asked, though his twiddling fingers gave his nervousness away.

“Yea, I’m down,” you accepted as he offered his hand, helping you off the counter and leading you to the door.

You weren't one to run off late at night with someone you have only met a couple of times, but with Shawn, you couldn’t get enough of his presence.

As soon as the two of you said your goodbyes to everyone, Shawn quickly opened the door to his jeep for you and hit the road. Now, with one hand on the wheel, and the other resting on the glove compartment, his head rhythmically moving to the r&b station softly playing in the background. His face was illuminated with green and red, his perfect face structure defined by the streetlights.

The car was in a comfortable silence, much different from the tension the two of you shared earlier in the kitchen.

As Shawn’s car slowed down and took a right turn, you saw a small lit-up cafe sign that you’ve never noticed the hundred of other times you’ve passed by the area.

“I figured that since you weren't drinking, you could probably use some coffee or tea from here. They also have some really good muffins if you were hungry,” Shawn spoke as he opened the door for you into the cozy cafe. You smiled at the fact that Shawn had been so considerate, even remembering what you had told him back at Michael’s.

The two of you found an empty seat towards the back of the cafe as a kind waiter punctually came to take your orders.

“How did you find this place?” you curiously asked as the drinks and muffins were brought to your table.

“Well, when I would be stuck on a song, I’d drive around to calm down a little,” he explained as he twirled a black ring along his pinky, “One night, I found this cafe, which is pretty empty during the night, so I started coming here instead.”

Nodding, you took another look around the family-owned cafe. Each of the wooden tables were decorated with a small plant, the smell of fresh pastries wafting through the atmosphere.

“So do you have any plans for tomorrow?”

“Other than the interview internship, no,” you replied, secretly hoping Shawn would ask to hang out again. “I just really want to nail this interview. I’m lucky enough that they were still looking for interns,” you tapped your fingernails along the table, the thought of tomorrow's interview already making you nervous.

Shawn’s hand moved over the table to meet yours, squeezing it in a soothing yet assuring manner. The bold move made butterflies erupt from your stomach, though neither of you moved your hands away. “You’ve got this. It��s their loss if they can’t see how amazing you are,” his simple, endearing words sending you into a spiral of euphoria.

As the minutes became hours, the two of you learned new things about the other, all while your hands were still intertwined.

“How is your music coming along?” you asked Shawn since the two of you have spent a lot of the night talking about you.

“It’s actually going really well. I’m going to go to L.A. at the end of this month and see if any labels are willing to sign me,” he explained, the mention of his music bringing a mesmerizing smile across his face.

“Hm, you’ll have to play me a song or two of yours one day,” you said, a blush immediately rising to your face as you realized what you just suggested.

“I would love that,” Shawn smirked at your shy yet adorable demeanor.

Once the two of you decided it was getting a little too late to be staying in the cafe, you and Shawn headed back to his jeep parked across the parking lot. The night had become much cooler than it was two hours ago, the wind instantly raising goosebumps across your uncovered arms and legs.

“Are you cold?” Shawn asked, noticing your attempt to brush off the weather. Before you could answer, he shrugged off his denim jacket that he had put on during the car ride to the cafe.

Nodding, he draped it over your shoulders, the jacket engulfing you.

“Is your car at Michael’s?”

“No, I got a ride with Sammy but I think she already left.”

“Oh, then I can just drop you off at your place,” Shawn proposed as you looked up directions on your phone for Shawn to follow.

No more than 20 minutes later, Shawn’s jeep pulled up towards your apartment building.

“Well this is the place. Here’s your jacket,” you said, pointing to your building. Removing your arm from one of the sleeves of Shawn’s jacket, his hand moved to yours.

“Just keep it, you can just give it back the next time we hang out. Or just text me the next time you’re at Michael’s,” Shawn said, playing with his ring.

“But I don’t ha-” you cut yourself off, smiling at what Shawn was hinting at.

“I’ll give you credit for that one,” you replied as you and Shawn exchanged numbers.

Swinging one leg out of the jeep, Shawn quickly stopped you again.

“Will you... go on a date with me?” He spoke, nervously tapping his shoes.

“I would love to,” you responded, trying to contain your excitement.

“Does tomorrow at 7 work? There's this dressy-casual restaurant that just opened. I can pick you up after a studio session if that works for you,” his eyes suddenly beaming.

“I guess I’ll see you at 7 then,” the feeling of butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“Oh and one more thing,” Shawn spoke, this time with more confidence.

You raised your brows, Shawn answering your confusion by a planting a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Have a goodnight.” 

You were glad it was so dark outside, or else he would’ve seen how red your face was. Finally getting out of his Jeep, you waved goodbye to Shawn as you headed towards your building.

You were already head over heels for this boy.

[billyggruff]

A couple things Star Vs does better than Steven Universe:

I like both shows, lets get that out of the way first. Both shows have really interesting worlds. They have lore that is deeper than you are first led to believe by it’s cute and happy appearance. They both are led by adorable characters who don’t really understand the gravity of what is going on around them until the first season finale. Both have a lovable cast of supporting characters (for the most part), with a few exceptions that you wish would get erased from canon entirely.  However similar they are, Star Vs is the better show over all at the time of making this. Sure, this all comes down to preferences at the end of the day. I will watch both of them as they come out regardless which one I think is objectively better. However I think highlighting their differences will help show why SU is under-performing in comparison to Star Vs.  *Two focal characters vs One focal character:*  Here we start right off the bat with one of the major differences between Star vs and Steven Universe. Star has two focal characters driving its story forward, namely Star Butterfly and Marco Diaz. Meanwhile Steven Universe is told from the perspective of one focal character, Steven Quartz Universe. If you think this doesn’t make much of a difference, you would be wrong.  Having two focal characters allows for there to be an equal give and take between them. Their personalities play off each other as their bond becomes stronger. Neither one of them is a passive participant in any given episodes. They are active characters with goals that drive them forward. You can tell they are friends who actually care about each other because of their actions.  Having two focal characters allows you to also explore topics and story ideas that you cannot with just one. If we only saw things from Star’s perspective, we would never have seen Marco’s 16 year battle of wits with Heckapoo for example.  Imagine for a moment that Steven Universe had Two focal characters instead of one. Lets say Connie and Steven. If we could see things from Connie’s perspective as well, it would open up story options that would still allow for them to conceal future plot points. We never really get to see Connie adjust to Steven’s world like Marco does with Star. Marco reacts to her powers, he is not used to handling situations with monsters and magic. What was it like when she first met Garnet? Pearl? Amethyst? What did she think of their strange powers? How did she react? Did she write about it in a journal? Did she doodle about them in her notebooks in class? We don’t know any of this because she isn’t a focal character. Her purpose and role in the story is to be a love interest for Steven, and not much else.  She is side character in the story that can be absent for episodes at a time. We don’t know what her life is outside of Steven’s proverbial bubble. We don’t know who her schoolmates are. We don’t really know much of what her home life is even now. We don’t know if she’s even made more friends since she met Steven unless it’s in a musical number and a flashback. We won’t know any of this because she is not a focal character. She matters less than Steven in this story thanks to this.  This is why Marco and Star’s relationship is so much more developed and nuanced. They share the story together and grow together as equals. We’ve seen their hobbies and interests change over time as they knew each other. They both change each others perspectives on what is important. 

This is even more prevalent in the recent season, where Marco gave up living on earth to be with Star and Mewni. It was a believable move on his part born out of much character development. When he becomes Star’s Squire, it felt like a natural progression of their characters maturing. Star taking on her role of princess more seriously from her days of shirking responsibilities and following her own whims. Marco growing from an overly safe and cautious kid to a seasoned warrior who is ready to tap into his potential that he wouldn’t have been able to on Earth.  Connie takes up a knight role for Steven too, but it has a decidedly different flavor to it. She wasn’t trained to be his equal, she was trained to believe that she was worth nothing compared to him and that she was to put her life on the line to keep him safe. Instead of this happening over many episodes, it was crammed into one and only alluded to afterwards. Yes, in that episode Steven fights against the idea that she isn’t as important as he is. 

However that doesn’t change the fact that after that point, Connie’s training is barely ever touched upon beyond references in conversation. It’s because her character development doesn’t really matter. This change to her character was purely utilitarian to make their fusion more combat savvy. That is all. She is a power up for Steven, something he can use in a fight against a strong opponent. As much as they wish to claim they are equals, in the eyes of the narrative they aren’t. 

*Passive vs Active participation in the Narrative:* Steven doesn’t actively move the plot forward. Star and Marco are active participants in their story.  From the very start of Steven Universe to even in the most recent episodes, Steven is not the thing that drives the story forward despite being the focal character. Things happen to him. Things happen around him. Things he does passively sets things in motion later on, though not intentionally. Look back at even the earliest episodes of Steven Universe and ask yourself if Steven’s direct actions led to the over arching plot being moved forward. That plot being the mysteries of the Gem War and who shattered Pink Diamond. Sure he might spin his wheels for an episode with a time traveling doohickey, or trying to avoid taking Connie home on a snow day, or get plopped onto a rose cannon, but he is not really an active agent in moving the story forward. 

 He doesn’t ask questions for the longest time. He doesn’t explore his mothers or the gems past until SEASONS have passed. He doesn’t even actively train his abilities unless it happens to strike his fancy that episode. He tags along with the gems and he passively learns stuff along the way. He didn’t even know they were thousands of years old until a few episodes in, and he’d been living with them for years at that point. At most, he has reacted to things happening around him, but for the most part his driving factor in the plot, I.E the mystery of Rose Quartz and who killed Pink Diamond, is next to nil. Even now.  You know why? Because he spun his wheels for six episodes moping about Connie while Lars was still in space making an interesting story happen off screen. Even more frustratingly, he asked not ONE thing about any of the revelations that were brought up in The Trial to the Crystal Gems. Not ONE peep about any of it. The trial might as well have not even happened because he had absolutely no intention of exploring any of it. 

Star vs in contrast has been developing its overarching plot and narrative quite nicely. Star vs the forces of evil is a story about colonialism, systemic oppression, bigotry and classism. That isn’t me reading too much into it either, it is pretty blatant at this point that that is exactly what they are going for.  When Star first appeared, fighting monsters was shown to be this happy and exciting activity. Marco and her would fight the monsters of the week led by Ludo and they didn’t bat an eye at what they were doing. They were the good guys, and Ludo was the bad guy. However even that early onto the series they started to lay the seeds of doubt with The Great Monster Massacre. Star glossed over the history of it because that is what she always did, however Marco was the outsider who saw the discrepancies of the story.  As time has gone on in the series, Star’s opinion of her kingdoms stances on monsters has changed quite a bit the more she learned. She began to see that there was something fundamentally wrong with how Mewmans treated monsters and she’s even tried to make efforts to change it. Eclipsa was encased in Crystal for simply being married to a Monster and having a child with him, all the while a strikingly similar relationship created Star’s off and on again boyfriend Tom. Moon has even flat out said they only associate with some kingdoms because they were rich.  Star learns all of this actively. She confronts it and tries to fix it, even though things like this can never be fixed with just a simple wave of a wand and a word of a single princess. They may even be building up to the idea that Mewni itself needs to be fought and reformed in order to make this right, which is a heavy subject for a show that seemed so simple at the outset. Yet none of this feels forced or unnatural. It was revealed and built up to gradually with active characters moving the plot forward. Steven Universe’s plot and mystery however flounders in circles for episodes and even seasons at a time. Since Steven is such a passive agent in this story, the only way things are revealed is by the plot literally happening to him. Characters have to scream out plot points while turning into a corrupted gem, or have to sit him in a literal court proceeding to reveal that it might not have been his mom who shattered pink diamond. Even then, he doesn’t follow up what he learned there in any meaningful way whatsoever. He’d rather spin his wheels helping the mayor and starting a band, grinding the pacing of the plot to a standstill. People decry the beach episodes and the Barn because they ultimately mean nothing. They are filler, and irrelevant to the mystery the story is supposed to be about.  Lars in space right now has been a more active and dynamic character off screen than Steven has been for the entire run time of the series. That should not be the case. No focal character should be this passive. 

There are more things that Star vs does better than SU, but these are the things I wanted to talk about in this post. As much as I like SU, Star is just an objectively better show.

[zainapbaraketcaryl]

‘The Walking Dead’: Carol and Daryl, A Match Made in Hell?

02-21-2017

Carol and Daryl on ‘The Walking Dead’ are soulmates, but does that mean they’ll go canon?

The Walking Dead puts it’s characters and by extension the fandom through the ringer. Season seven started off on a particularly devastating note, and throughout the first eight episodes, things looked beyond bleak for our faves.

There’s certainly an argument for the gratuitousness of all the pain and suffering endured throughout just about any season. But the thing is, it’s all a bit more manageable when Team Family is all together. Since season four, the show has relied on separating our faves and taking them through emotional journeys that generally lead to major character development. In the season seven midseason finale, hope was restored to the group when they were reunited at Hilltop.

In fact, most of the undertaking of separating different characters from the larger group comes from how earned the reunions feel later. Who could forget the feelings of relief when Michonne (Danai Gurira) followed the tracks to the house where Rick (Andrew Lincoln) and Carl (Chandler Riggs) were recuperating or when Maggie (Lauren Cohan) and Glenn (Steven Yeun) found each other in season four?

The Walking Dead is at it’s best when it’s bringing characters together and there is almost nothing that compares to what we got with Carol (Melissa McBride) and Daryl’s (Norman Reedus) reunion in “New Best Friends” (S7Ee10).

Considering the deep bond Carol and Daryl share, the episode gave us a lot to discuss. With characters as popular as Daryl and Carol, it’s no surprise that not everyone interprets the Caryl bond in the same way. So I’ve brought my colleague Erin Qualey (go read her The Walking Dead recaps!) here to assist in another discussion!

What’s the possibility of seeing Caryl go canon like other romantic couples we’ve seen on the show?

Julie: So, for me “New Best Friends” is essentially my new favorite episode. It’s only rival at this point is “No Sanctuary” (S5E1). The obvious similarities are the Daryl and Carol reunions but I fell in love with that relationship in season two, when he brings her the Cherokee Rose. I can admit my bias but given everything we know about Daryl and Carol’s past, I think the show made a pretty airtight argument that Daryl and Carol love each other on a very deep, very emotional, very romantic level that goes beyond the physicality that might be necessary to consider a ship canon. I guess what I’m wondering, is what’s missing for you in that bond?

Julie: They’re definitely soulmates. And I like your transcendent interpretation. I’d even agree with it except for one thing. Daryl isn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy and he is almost always touching Carol and there is almost never anything entirely chaste or innocuous about those moments. Daryl might be an oblivious flirt but he gravitates toward her like no one else. I mean look how far we’ve come from season two after Daryl fails to save Sophia. He yells at Carol and tells her “Just go, I don’t want you here” and four seasons later he’s at her door and his voice breaks when he asks her, “Why’d you go?” (Ugh, it’ll be a long time before that line stops giving me chills and making me tear up. A+ acting on Norman’s part!) I just can’t imagine a scenario where Daryl is as comfortable with a woman as he is with Carol. It stands to reason that the emotional intimacy between them will eventually translate to physical intimacy.

Erin: But isn’t Daryl kind of in the friend zone at this point? It’s been awhile, and the two have had plenty of opportunity to make it official. Yes, Daryl gets kidnapped a lot, and Carol has been trying to run away for ages, but they’ve had opportunities along the way. Carol even propositioned Daryl back when they were settling into the prison, and he brushed her advance away like a joke. So I guess I’m just left wondering if Daryl is truly just that awkward or if he doesn’t actually want to be with Carol after all. And Carol hasn’t made a move since then either, so she seems just fine with the status quo. I guess to me, at this point, they seem like family members, and that makes the idea of adding sex into the mix somewhat off putting.

Ultimately, I think that both Daryl and Carol can find sexual release elsewhere while still maintaining their deep connection. It’s the apocalypse. They transcend traditional labels because they can.

Julie: The friend zone is a myth invented by “nice guys” who think they should be repaid in sexual favors every time they do something nice for a girl they find attractive. I don’t hug my friends or family the way Daryl and Carol hug each other. Daryl is the most eligible bachelor in the apocalypse, if he wasn’t that awkward why wouldn’t he be out and about screwing with the wrong people? And we’ve seen Carol try and use a relationship to hide her feelings. The whole point when Carol was with Tobin is that it felt completely disingenuous to the characters. It could never quite work because Carol is only truly herself with Daryl. It backfired spectacularly and precipitated her leaving her home (a noteworthy point that she still referred to Alexandria as home).

Erin: I think Carol and Daryl do transcend traditional labels as a romantic relationship. Okay, sure there are three men in Carol’s life. But two of which absolutely already fulfill the platonic male/female relationship. She’s clearly not interested. Carol told Morgan (Lennie James) to tell Rick and Co. that she was gone and she literally shut the door on Ezekiel only to open it a moment later to Daryl, whose presence completely took her breath away. What makes those options so much more compelling?

Erin: Hmm, I might disagree with you on your friend zone theory. I think that it’s natural for a pair of friends to pass a point where it would become difficult for them to become romantically involved. But even if we set the friend zone thing aside for a second, I still believe that Daryl isn’t necessarily the best person for Carol to end up with in a romantic sense.

Here’s where I open the floodgates and admit that I’m definitely an Ezecarol (Carekiel?) shipper. Yes, he won’t leave her alone, and that might be perceived as wrong, but he only continues to bug her because he’s honestly and truly concerned for her safety. If the Saviors found Carol, it’s very likely that she wouldn’t be able to protect herself, even with all of her battle prowess.

Ultimately, I think that Carol and Daryl are too alike for a relationship to succeed long term. Ezekiel pushes the boundaries with Carol because he knows she has walls up, and he actively wants to help her tear them down. Sure, that’s not his job, but he’s fully willing to challenge Carol in order to help her be her best self. Conversely, Daryl rarely, if ever, pushes Carol to deal with anything because he hasn’t even dealt with his own stuff. Since they’re both introverted survivors of trauma, their continued special relationship gives them implicit permission to keep everything bottled up instead of actively working through their issues. The Caryl friendship is a beautiful one but, if we look at it through a different lens, it’s actually an unhealthy co-dependent relationship that prevents either one of them from moving on from their respective traumatic pasts.

Julie: Ah ha! Now this is a quality discussion! Cherokee Roses will win over pomegranates in my book any day. But Ezekiel has a vested interest in keeping Carol safe because she knows his secret. If Carol wanted to, she could bring down the Kingdom. But when he let his act go, he tells her not to run away from whatever she’s running from: life, love. They barely know each other at that point, he’s not speaking about himself, yes he’s trying to get her to open up but it’s the same thing Morgan tells Daryl about finding something/someone to hold onto.

Erin: It’s interesting you would characterize Carol and Daryl as unhealthy (it’s probably a little co-dependent but like they established they literally can’t live in a world where the other doesn’t exist, is there a more romantic trope?) when it’s the healthiest, kindest relationship these two have ever known. And Carol didn’t look like she was bottling anything up when we finally caught up with her in front of the fire (but like seriously Gimple I need to know what happened in the hours between it went from afternoon to night in the house).

In fact, that whole moment when she talks about about fighting the Saviors if the family needed her was a callback to “Consumed.” Complete with fire imagery and the “burned away” line. With the biggest difference being that this time she was feeling it. She was crying. So much that to make it better Daryl makes her laugh and smile despite the tears. Daryl did that. And he’s the only one who ever has. When have we ever heard Daryl or Carol be humorous except with each other? Daryl even makes a joke about Ezekiel’s advances and Carol tells him to “shut up,” which is eerily similar to every other time she’s flirted with him. Can’t be too far from the romance novel Carol was reading right before her husband came back from war. Nevermind the undeniable body language in that second hug where he kisses her shoulder and she runs her fingers through his hair!

They’ve been trying to sort themselves out (i.e. Daryl taking the book on child abuse). Carol has isolated herself because she feels like she’s losing herself. In fact the brief but significant tearful conversation before their candlelight dinner is a blatant attempt to protect Carol from the devastating truth. If he wanted to push her, why wouldn’t he tell her? Daryl was also completely isolated from the group after the immediate aftermath of Negan’s (Jeffery Dean Morgan) line-up. Why wouldn’t he use the opportunity to sit and mourn with her? Except that it wasn’t about Negan or the Saviors of the loss of Abe and Glenn. It was about Daryl and Carol finally getting a respite from the constant assault that their lives have been. And the episode indicated that they’re finally ready to admit they’re what each other is holding onto, they’re what’s worth the fight to survive.

Erin: I can see what you’re saying, and I agree that perhaps “unhealthy” wasn’t the best choice of phrasing earlier. However, I maintain my argument that there’s not a ton of open discussion between Carol and Daryl about the traumas they’ve experienced in the past. They both have certainly made progress due to the support they feel from one another but, as regulated by them, the healing process is quite slow. Case in point, when Carol saw Daryl with the book on child abuse back in Atlanta, she didn’t say a word. She didn’t really support him or encourage him to talk about the issue, mostly because she didn’t want to talk about her own stuff. The mutual and unspoken understanding is there, but with that understanding, they lose the follow through necessary for true healing.

There’s no denying that Daryl and Carol’s relationship is one of the most genuine and unique relationships on TV. Like I mentioned before, I wouldn’t be upset if they ended up together, but I do think that they each may be better served by finding mates that aren’t concerned with protecting the secrets that haunt their lives. And even if their relationship never becomes sexual, they’ll still always have a place in my heart as two of the best soulmates on TV.

Julie: We know we’re not going to change the others mind. I would be disappointed not to see Caryl go canon. It just feels really earned at this point but I do appreciate the alternative perspective because like I mentioned, I know I’m beyond biased at this point. My final thought on the subject is that there’s this basic continuity editing rule. It’s often employed in film and operates on the idea that if it’s significant in scene five it should show up again in scene 15. It works in a more longer-form capacity for TV but we’ve had a lot of Daryl and Carol moments repeated back that always deepens their development. Except the one scene they have yet to recreate in a new way is the two sharing space on the bunk bed in “Consumed.” Don’t for one second think that isn’t deliberate.

http://hiddenremote.com/2017/02/21/walking-dead-carol-and-daryl-match-made-in-hell/