#which were my plans for the day so thrilling ik

[otrtbs]

no nat 'cause I couldn't NOT send this to you

mot mot mot mot i adore you 🫶🫶🫶🫶 and im obsessed!!! it’s perfect and so on brand hahaha also HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY 🥰❤️‍🔥❗️

[hangesdarling]

bad idea — m. ikishima

REQUEST. If it's not too soon since the last one, could we get a one-shot of Midari making transfem!reader feel real pretty through the medium of sex? PAIRING. Midari Ikishima x transfem!reader SYNOPSIS. Crossing paths with Midari may have been a bad idea at first. CONTENT. 18+, MDNI, oral sex, suggestive themes, lots of worship WORD COUNT. 1.9k A/N. anon ik this is veryy late im so sorry! 😭 college entrance exams are beating my ass 😭

"You're a damn sneaky one, aren't you?" A voice resounded from your back just as you exit the game room. The hallway lights were glowing red against the walls, an occasional green flashing in the corner. Midari's single eye stared back from that bright-hued hallway, flipping a bullet between her fingers. "You think I didn't catch your cheating?" 

The Hyakkaou Academy gambling tournament began three days ago. Sure, every new game proposes a thrill, a chance for a bigger loot in the end but you cannot stand these gamblers trying to get off with high-risk games only they could enjoy. You should have known that Midari Ikishima was one of those when she pointed a gun at the back of your head one morning after class. It was a purge, a free-for-all for the insane ones such as herself. 

You turned to glare at Midari, the green light reflecting off your eye as you spoke, "So what? You hate that I'm ruining your little morbid game?" 

Russian roulette. A 1-in-6 chance to die, you could understand why that would be fun but cannot appreciate the way Midari keeps loading all available slots when it's your turn to shoot her. 

Midari huffed, excitement creasing her face as she leaned on the wall next to you. "You're a clever one and I like that. Although, I think you're going soft at me back there."

Her eye scanned your face, searching for a hint that she was right but you only brushed her off and said, "I'm a gambler, not a murderer. Besides, I want to end the game quickly with you. You don't even bet with money."

Your eyes rolled at her obvious smirk as she said, "That'd be a bore, don't you think? But I'll do it. I'll bet you heaps of money if you play with me again."

"I'm not playing with you again." You crossed your arms over your chest. "I'm advancing to the next player."

"Oh, I know. But we can have a private session. Just the two of us." Her voice sounded almost sincere and desperate. When she came closer and leaned closer to you, the smell of fresh lavenders and a strong spiced drink wafted in the air. All of a sudden, her eyepatch and even the way she styled herself for the evening tournament didn't look ridiculous. You slid your hand off hers before any other thought crossed your mind. 

"Fine, but on one condition," you muttered, signaling to the gun holstered on her hip. "No guns."

Disbelief crossed Midari's face, taken aback by such a proposition but found nothing within her to protest. She could give up the gun to gamble with you again. 

"Hah, what a pacifist. I assume no pointy stuff as well?" she chuckled, crossing her arms. 

"You're right. So don't try to pull anything like that. I swear I'll leave you playing with yourself," you warned, trying to sound intimidating which Midari only found cute. 

"You know," Midari began, head tilted to get a good look at you. "I'm kinda glad you didn't kill me off earlier. I got another chance to play with you. Maybe even more."

With that, she gave a soft lingering pat on your head before walking past to enter another game room, gripping her revolver in hand. 

-

It was a bad idea to get involved with Midari Ikishima as you have realized now that you were gripping your few remaining chips. Your position in the ranking hangs perilously after a few losses, even one point off can cause a remarkable decrease in the ranking after all. 

What the hell happened? you might be thinking. You spent every day carefully planning to win, concocting a one-time strategy to pull flawlessly at your opponents. But lately, you frequented Midari's dorm for late-night gambles that eventually turned into hookups. You were lost in her risky gambles, her crazed eye urging you to a larger risk which you never found yourself obeying. 

“It's not the best way to win, you know,” you tried to argue with her on your last poker game when she was betting everything in her hand. 

“Ah, it just pisses you off that I’m having fun,” she chuckled. "Stop memorizing the cards if it hurts your pretty little head, sweetheart."

For those few days you were together, you never thought it was a good idea to learn from her. Your ways always contrast, and her methods never fit right with yours. But there was one thing about Midari that kept you returning to her: how she kept making you feel less worried. That there was nothing in the world to be stressed over. Things are bound to be a certain way within a coin flip. It's inevitable.

A strange thrill creeps up your spine as you place your last remaining chips for the final bet. Your knees were cold from being in the room for too long but, a heat in your chest bubbled up the surface, transpiring into a knowing grin. Being with Midari may have dampened your cautiousness but the inner, riskier gambler within you sought for the thrill. An unstoppable force seeking pleasure and victory with no way of convincing otherwise. You wondered if this was how Midari felt.

Your mind went back to those nights you were tangled in her arms, of how her firm kisses crawled up from your chest to your jaw. Live dangerously, Y/N, Midari would whisper, her lips pressing on yours inside her dark room. You only get a few chances so don't waste it, alright?

Your eyes scanned the poker table once again, opponents from your left to right having low-ranking cards. I win, you whispered to yourself. You stepped from that room with your money doubled, your ranking increased by a few levels. Your mind played around the possibilities: you either rose in victory or went out with a huge debt hanging by your neck. But you were snatched away from your thoughts as you saw Midari waiting outside, leaning on one arm, and grinning in your direction. It turned into a proud smile as you jumped in her arms, her hand resting on your head to pull you closer.

"You're one hell of a gambler, Y/N," she smirked, a sultry whisper right at your ear. "I watched your game. All of it."

"All of it?" you chuckled, pressing a kiss just above her piercings. "You obsessed with me or something?"

"Course I am," Midari answered, taking you by surprise when she carried you in her arms. "I'll show you how much I'm obsessed, you sweet girl"

--

"You don't have to hide those away from me, you know that right?" Midari whispered in a low voice against your ear, keeping your hands away from your chest. She gently kissed your bud, tilting your face to look at her. "They're cute and I love them. Next time you cover them up again, I'll tie you to the bed, I swear."

Her tone didn't even pass as threateningly with how gently she held you on her lap. The blush creeping on your cheeks was enough to prompt another tease from her. 

"What, you like that idea, don't you? Didn't know you would be so kinky," she chuckled, tugging at your cheeks. 

"Hey, I didn't say that, weirdo," you pouted. 

"No need to. It's obvious." Midari's hands grazed under your skirt before handling your hips to push you beneath them on the bed. Midari managed to bundle the skirt on your lower abdomen, pressing wet kisses on your chest before whispering, "I can tie you up some other time if you want to so badly."

She tugged on your underwear just the time you were kissing her neck, earning a soft gasp from you. Her fingers were quick at removing the material before wandering back between your thighs, stroking until she felt you moaning softly against her lips. 

Midari kept you relaxed on the bed before going down, her lips kissed your member before slowly taking you in her mouth. She kept a firm hold of your inner thighs to keep your legs apart. Your hands wandered around her silky black hair, fisting the strands into a bundle and clenching when her mouth moved just the right way. 

The rest of the night was filled with worship embraced around you. Her lips trailed on your sternum, causing a slight shiver from you. Midari made it known that this time her intentions surround at your pleasure. She wanted this night to be slow, romantic, and passionate in contrast to the rough, sloppy intimate sessions she had with you before. To make you feel how she cherished you, to grab every opportunity to tell you how beautiful you are, to tell you that she sees you above everyone else right at this moment.

Her lips would graze at the shell of your ear, finding a home on the crook of your neck as she called you her sweet girl. 

"Looks so pretty," she whispered as she kissed the lovely blush creeping on your face. Midari tangled her legs around yours, locking you in her arms before kissing your forehead. Your finger would trail small hearts in her exposed chest, mind absorbed by all the praises she whispered in your ears. Midari noticed the slight redness banding on your wrist from how she gripped you earlier and kissed it anyway. Her kisses crept even at your knuckles, making you wonder what part of you she hadn't kissed yet. 

"Listen, Y/N," she muttered, retrieving what appeared to be a bullet from the pocket on her chest. "I'm not big on promise rings and such stuff but I want you to keep this. Yes, it's a bullet but it's also my lucky charm even if I don't believe in shit like that."

Midari chuckled softly, a rarity from her usual rough behavior. But then again, this night is different. She tapped the bullet a few times on her forehead saying, "This bullet should be the one buried deep in my head a month ago but a certain someone decided to spare my life and have me here."

She tilted your chin so she could look at your eyes. 

"I could die some other time but not right now. I still got to spend more time with you like this, got it?" 

"Is this your way of properly asking me out?" you smiled, nose grazing hers as you spoke. 

"Oh, you can call it that," she smirked, that one she always uses when she gets cocky on you. "So you're tied to me now. No questions asked and no protests. I get to call you my pretty girlfriend from now on."

Your head rested on her chest for a few more seconds, your mind returning from how this all started. You've always known what kind of relationship with her would promise. A risky one full of bullets, and perhaps, life-threatening gambles. A life entirely different from your own. Having Midari by your side felt like shattering a safe bridge you carefully paved but it wasn't about that at all, was it? It was about rebuilding that bridge, adding a touch of her style to create a better one fit for a gambler's life. 

You gently took the bullet from her hand, rolling it around your thumb before responding, "Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea."

likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated, sweethearts <3

[hockeylovee12]

Chapter Two

Aftermath-Luke Hughes

Summary: Luke Hughes knows he has some explaining to do to his family about his recent trip and normally that would be all that’s on his mind but unfortunately for him there’s something or I should say someone else occupying his mind.

Warnings: family fights, mentions of drinking, swearing, implied sexual activity

A/N this is the second chapter for this story I wrote this in one day because inspiration struck lol. I don’t typically go through and edit my stories just because if I did I’d never post them so I’m sorta an impulsive writer. I really hope you enjoyed and while this chapter does go hand in hand with a whole story I still write one shots if any one has any requests and there are more parts to this story. Ik it didn’t really talk about Izzie that much but I wanted to give an insight into Lukes life a little more and I also enjoyed writing some of the brotherly bonding stuff. feel free to ask me any requests or start a conversation with me! And I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

June 9th 2022 7:00 PM

It was a long six hour flight home to Michigan and when Luke Hughes arrived at the Detroit airport he knew his family would be waiting there wanting answers.

Unfortunately the boys who are his best friends were not the smartest and word got out the trip the boys had planned to go to California was actually a trip to go to Mexico. Once the news was out it wasn’t long before every boys families had started calling and texting to no reply.

The five boys knew they would have to face the music eventually and safe to say none of them were thrilled by the idea of having consequences for their actions.

Shortly after landing at the airport and grabbing their bags the boys found all their families who were not extremely pleased by their return.

Luke’s parents were no exception.

The family of 5 made their way to the parking lot silently.

Luke placed his bags in the trunk of his dads car and sat in the backseat with his brothers on both sides of him.

It was a silent 30 minute drive back to the families home and when the car was finally in park his father turned around and disappointingly shook his head at his youngest child.

Normally Luke would be feeling very remorseful and anxious about the disappointment he has caused his family but his mind was still racing trying to relieve the past 24 hours with Izzie, the beach, the kisses, the ocean.

“Luke let’s go” A voice breaks Luke’s thought

Luke looks over and sees his brother Jack standing outside the car waiting for him to exit

Luke exits the car and Jack harshly closes the door.

The family enters there house and Luke places his bags on the floor by the door leaving him holding only his phone.

The silence from the car ride continues inside the house as no one says a word and everyone just makes there way towards the living room and takes a seat.

“What the hell?” Is the first thing said by Luke’s older brother Jack

“Ok look I get it it probably wasn’t the best idea to go to Mexico and I’m sorry I lied but like nothing happened and we had a great time” Luke defends himself

“Nothing happened you and your friends left the country without telling an adult! What if something had happened what if one of you had gotten in an accident or went missing we would be looking in California for goodness sake!” Ellen Hughes exclaims at her youngest son

“I mean we’re adults” Luke says in a monotone voice

“You know what your mother means you didn’t tell a parent” Jim Hughes intervenes

“Look I said I’m sorry I don’t know what else you want me to say” Luke says

“We want you to understand that what you did was wrong and that it should’ve never happened in the first place” Ellen says calmly

“Alright sorry it won’t happen again” Luke says with a slight eye roll which earns him a smack upside the head from Quinn who’s sitting next to him

“You’re grounded for a week and when we go up to the lake you’re not allowed to go wandering off on your own without another person with you” Jim Hughes sentences

Luke scoffs at this. He thinks it’s fucking ridiculous he’s 18 years old, he just finished his freshman year at college and he’s being treated like he’s a fucking child. It wasn’t the grounding that was pissing him off so much as it was the thought of having a babysitter. Lukes been able to go off on his own at the lake since he was 14 years old no worries whatsoever which isn’t completely true his parents and brothers always worried a little bit seeing as he is the baby of the family but Luke always stayed relatively close and always kept his phone on him.

“No that’s bullshit!” Luke shouts standing up

“Did you really think you could just go to Mexico without telling anyone and not have any consequences?” Quinn who has stayed silent this entire time finally speaks

“I’m 18 years old I’m not some child you can order around anymore and I certainly don’t need a fucking babysitter”

“Clearly you do if you’re off running around in Mexico why the hell did you even go to Mexico if you wanted the beach there are plenty of ones here! In America!” Jack shouts standing up as well

“Luke! Sit down.” His dad says

Luke rolls his eyes again feeling nothing but anger building up at the way this conversation has gone. Luke shakes his head in disbelief and scoffs before grabbing his phone that was sitting on the couch and walking towards the front door.

He leaves the house slamming the front door and leaving the people inside both shocked and angry by his actions.

Luke starts walking away from his house and onto the dark pavement lit up only by street lights.

After about 15 minutes of walking Luke reaches his neighborhood park. He sits down on a bench and tilts his head back looking up at the night sky.

There were few stars up in the sky but Luke still enjoyed the view although he preferred the view from last night.

Luke starts to think back to the bar and dancing with Izzie. His hands around her waist hers on his neck. Her lips touching his. Within seconds his own lips turned from a resting frown that had been present since the car ride into a smile.

Luke pulled out his phone and goes to Instagram. He tries every combination of Izzie he could think of unaware of the spelling of her name but with the thousands of results and no way to narrow it down Luke quickly gives up.

The frown which had since disappeared was now back and became even more distraught as he noticed two figures walking towards him.

Once the figures came closer to Luke he noticed who it was.

“Dude let’s go” Jack says walking closer to Luke

Luke just looks at Quinn who’s displaying no emotional reaction. Luke starts to wonder if it’s because he’s tired or because he’s pissed or possibly both.

Luke thoughts get interrupt when he feels a hand on his bicep

He looks over and sees Jack gripping his arm and urging him to stand up

Luke shakes his head and stands up then the trio of brothers start the 15 or so walk back towards their house.

Once the park was in an unseeable position the silence that Luke has gotten oh so familiar with today is broken.

“Did you have fun on your trip?” Jack asks with a sympathetic such smile

“Ya I had a great time we went to Rocky Point and it was fun it was really fun” Luke says matching the slight smile appearing on his brothers face

“What did you guys do?” Jack continues the conversation

“Um I mean we did a lot of things we spent a lot of time at the beach, we went to a couple of bars and clubs at night, there was one day where we went jet skiing that was super fun” Luke explains not sure if mentioning the bars and clubs was a smart decision but chooses not to overthink it.

“Did you fall off the jetski?” Quinn asks with a laugh remembering a more recent time when Luke had been on the back of a jetski with Jack driving and despite being told multiple times to hold on when Jack hit the gas Luke went flying off into the lake and at first the whole family was worried out of their mind but when Luke rose his soaked face and hair out of the water and stuck up a middle finger towards Jack they all laughed.

“No I didn’t fall off mainly because Jack wasn’t driving” Luke responds giving a little nudge to Quinn who smiled towards both his little brothers after an exchange of smiles and laughs between the trio Quinn’s demeanor quickly changed to a more serious look

“you know Luke I’m really happy you had a good time but you know it just it would’ve been nice to know where you were going mom and dad were freaking out a bit when your friends mom called and said you guys didn’t go to California they were really worried something could’ve happened to you and when you wouldn’t respond to anyone they really love you kid and we do to and we don’t know what any of us would’ve done if something did happen to you” Quinn explains to his youngest brother

For the first time today Luke starts to feel a little bit remorseful about what he’s done and realizes his family although they can be annoying sometimes they really love him and he regrets worrying them so much.

“I’m sorry I worried you guys and you’re right I should’ve told someone or at the very least text or call you guys back I’m really sorry” Luke says

“Just don’t do again or otherwise I’ll have to kill you which would really suck because that would mean we wasted our 4th pick and I think it’s gonna be really fun when you and I get to win on the ice against Quinn” Jack laughs

“Don’t jinx it or tomorrow’s headlines gonna be that I got traded before I even sign a contract” Luke responds

“Hopefully that won’t happen” Jack adds crossing his fingers

“Oh god the two of you on the same team and living together I don’t know who I’m gonna feel worse for one of you or the state of New Jersey” Quinn jokes

Jack reaches over and gives Quinn a playful shove causing all three brothers to smile again the next few minutes the brothers spent laying and teasing one another until they arrived back at the families home.

Jack was the first to step in followed by Luke who had no way of escaping again since Quinn was blocking the exit with his own body.

Once all three boys were inside the door closed shut and Quinn turned around and locked the door making it official that everyone was now home for the night.

“Where are mom and dad?” Luke asks

“They’re in their room” Quinn answers and Luke sighs and starts walking in the direction of the master bedroom.

Knock knock

“Come in” Luke’s mom answers

Luke walks in and sees his mom putting her jewelry away and his dad sitting in a chair in the corner with a book cracked open

“Hey I just wanted to tell you guys I’m sorry I’m sure I worried you guys alot and it was really a shitty thing for me to do and not answering your calls or text was stupid and I shouldn’t have lied about where I was going I know you guys were already nervous about me going to California and it was a really selfish thing for me to do and I’m really sorry” Luke apologizes this time meaning it

Both of his parents smile and his dad puts down the book and gives his youngest son a hug his mom walks over and does the same.

Luke spends the next few minutes talking to his parents and telling them some of the fun parts of his trip well making sure to only include the family friendly parts which do not include his beverage or entertainment choices however does include a mention of riding the jet ski which his parents took as an opportunity to tease him about when he fell off.

After a few more laughs Luke chose to apologize once more for the worried he had caused them and they reassured him that he was forgiven with a pat on the back from his father and a kiss on the cheek from his mother the family says their good nights and then the 18 year old left their room to go to his own.

As he walks towards the stairs he sees his bags still sitting there and rather than bringing them up right now he decides later is better and by that he means sometime tomorrow starting to feel a little tired himself.

Luke walks to his room and shuts the door then feels in his pocket for his phone and goes on Instagram.

He notices a few of his recommendations to follows are random girls named Izzie with alternating spellings.

He shakes his head with a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Jack asks appearing in the open doorway

“Eh nothing” Luke shakes off still smiling

Jack starts walking closer to Luke and soon Quinn appears in the room.

Jack takes a look at Luke’s screen which he was doing nothing in response to hide as he didn’t really care about the contents being public at least not to his brothers

“Why do you follow so many girls named Izzie?” Jack asks with a confused look

“I don’t follow them I was just looking for the Instagram of some girl I met but it’s kinda impossible considering all I know is her first name and I don’t even know how she spells it” Luke explains with a shrug

“Did you just meet her this week?” Quinn asks stepping into the room and the conversation

“Ya I met her last night” Luke says

“Funny how when you were telling us about your trip you left this part out” Jack jokes then takes a seat on Lukes bed

“So tell us what happened” Jack encourages

“What?” Luke asks as he watches Quinn take a seat next to Jack

“Come on you never tell us anything!” Jack claims

“I’m not gonna tell you guys what happened it’s private” Luke says

“Fine but we’re not leaving till you tell us about Izzie at least tell us where you met her or what she looks like” Jack says lying back on Lukes bed and getting comfortable

“You are so annoying” Luke shakes his head then walks over to his desk chair and takes a seat

“I met her at a bar it was like a beachside type thing it was like I don’t know 10 or something but I was drinking a beer and then I decided to take a shot of vodka and obviously vodka tastes disgusting so I made a face and she was standing next to me and starts talking about how it’s a mentality and that way the shots don’t taste so bad and we took a couple of shots together and then we danced together and we made out a few times in the bar and then we ended up leaving and we walked down to the beach and uh we had a good night” Luke recalls starting to blush a little near the end

“I’m going to assume had a good night means you walked her home and then went back to your room alone” Quinn says starting to get up

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night then that’s exactly what happened” Luke answers

“It does” Quinn says with a laugh then says goodnight and proceeds to head to his own room.

“I’m out too but I’m proud and relieved to know you at least have a little bit of game” Jack jokes giving Luke a playful punch to the shoulder which Luke returns and adds a mocking laugh

“Goodnight” Jack says as he walks out the door

“Goodnight” Luke responds

[hongism]

hi sooo....

O______O wow...

U DID IT AGAINNNNNNN, im so.. im so shocked reading the new moc chapter and must i say i love ur interim chapters i think theyre so !!!!!!!!!! chefs kiss truly

okokok so im speechless.. but im thinking abt it now and ... (maybe this is also bc i recently jus binged like all of moc in like 3 days so its still fresh on my brain but) the very first chapters when mc was alr on the ship and and there was that one bit with san and they spent the night together and were talking and it was when she still was carrying around the pardon papers and they had like a heart to heart to be there for each other and the cheek kiss !!!!!! if im remembering right.. i remember sans reaction being written kinda awkward initially (ill have to eventually go back and find it) so it- it makes me wonder how fast hongjoong tried to come up w a plan to manipulate mc... also... my heartbroke even reading the prev chapter when mc was crying and telling san "why did u have to make me doubt ur feelings?" and then reading this chapter- i have hope for them i really do but i fear.. whats gonna happen once she finds the truth out bc... ik she will </3 and i fear its gonna be hongjoong.. But also..??? WAIT NO BC IM THINKING 80 MILLION THINGS RN.

THE DIALOGUE W MINGI........ MINGI AND MINHO..... minho being shocked that his intelligence is more than he lets on.... ITS MAKING ME WONDER LIKE... theyve all kinda treated mingi like Oh he's helpless or struggling rather, we need to care for him diligently-which is true, bro got demons fr but... then im wondering how much mingi really knows bc...?? i remember mingi saying smth to mc too about like "ask urself why it is that ur even trying to disobey in the first place?" or like idk they had that deep ass talk and.... idk.. im thinking abt it now though... what does mingi know.......

im also wondering... 1) if joong has a conscious LOL 2) no i definitely think he does after this but,,,,,,,,, we still dunno WHY he's become this way- why his demons are like this/why theyre presented this way bc in a way (LOL ME TRYNNA PSYCHOANALYZE HIM)... it seems like he keeps everyone at an arms length... except seonghwa i feel like.. at least for now.. but i saw that because he keeps to himself a lot even amongst the ship- so it seems... but he definitely changes the way he wants to come across people... 3) idk if i wanna hug him and tell him its gonna be alright or if i wanna box him LMFAOOO he is so damn crazy... and then jus the way minho described the way they played chess... everyone else doing his dealing... actually now that im thinking about it.. he's been called out quite easily before... so maybe he isnt as hard to read as he thought... in fact ik mc has been the one to call him out hella on his shit so.. i wonder if thats why he's so adamant on keeping her in shape.... oh joong ... babes what did u go thru 🤣🤣🤣🙁🙁🙁 u lil control freak u~~

anywho.. im also confused.... bc i can see that mc does wanna be approved and accepted (?) by joong yet also cant stand the authority he gives so its quite the paradox.........

rn im jus ranting sm... its like everythings clicking..

but also.. im curious.. hongjoong has only lost chess to yeosang among all the members... yet.. seonghwa is the lit. which ofc im gonna assume its also him being a siren that like he said "the closer he is to me the better".. but then if yeosang thought most like joong... why is yeosang just a pawn in joongs eyes ...? yeosang losing the wooyoung </3 lordddd i dont even wanna start... then minho saying he's excited to see how another crew member plays.. joong immediately thinking seonghwa... but interestingly enough im guessing its either san or yunho.. but my best bet is san given he's like another right hand man kinda guy to joong...

ill conclude on that note since its 3am rn... but wow U DID IT AGAINNNNN i love ur writing so much seriously <33333 thank u thank u thank u and im excited for more x

hi hehe :3 i'm so thrilled that you enjoy the interims that's such a relief and so nice to hear ;-;;

you're in the perfect position bc you remember what happened early on and can pick up on the crumbs i was dropping to make it alllll come full circle! what goes around comes around! not only are hongjoong's plans important to consider (ie when he implemented them, when he put them into action) but also both how san carried out his initial duty and when san started to slip away from that duty into something genuine! both those things will be explored and opened up in san's upcoming interim, that will help pull all the pieces together i hope so!! that scene with mc crying to san,,, i cried writing it and i know it made a lot of people doubt san and his feelings but!! please have hope!! there are SOOO many possibilities!! will hongjoong really leave san to lie in the grave he dug for himself or will he dig it deeper or try to help him out…? all remains to be seen :3

mingi is truly truly such a fun and fascinating character to both write and unveil to you guys ;-; he's exceptionally intelligent beyond the scope of understanding emotions period but he gets treated like he's dumber because he doesn't understand emotions bc in the others' eyes emotions are just simple and easy to understand. mingi def possesses a different kind of intelligence but that kind of intelligence is on the same level of yeosang iw ould say! so it's easiest to think of it as mingi has a different kind of smartness compared to someone like say,,,,jongho or san who both have very good and high emotional intelligence!

1) DOES the man have a conscience? this interim is very telling in that regard and his thought process and the what some would call "intrusive thoughts" really showcase who he is as a person!

2) there are so many layers to him and you really get it bc he does keep everyone at arms length, even seonghwa to some degree bc the whole reason him and seonghwa aren't together is bc hongjoong shut him down the moment seonghwa started expressing his feelings towards hongjoong, he likes to keep to himself and doesn't like to leave his space for many reasons but we now know that one of those reasons is the past feelings of failure and loss coming back to haunt him, and bingo right on the money, he changes the way he wants to come across to people. prime example in yunho at the end of the interim, i think that scene is the absolute best showcase of hongjoong's character and who he is and how he operates.

3) he is DAMN CRAZY!!! i feel like i haven't so much shown that to the degrees that his character really is batshit insane so we're tiptoeing into those waters more now. you do have to think though, with the notion that he changes the way he wants to come across to people, when he's being "called out", is it accurate? or is it what hongjoong is presenting so they think they know what kind of person he is? when mc calls him out on his shit, it's often a two way punch where it as much about her as it is about him so much to think about! he's far far beyond a control freak tehe :3

the fun paradox in mc is that dynamic of wanting to be approved and accepted by him but also having this point blank issue with authority and also how hongjoong excises his authority. and that's been a big point of confusion too i think so im trying to delve more into it and expose more of it so that it makes more sense but there is meant to be a contradiction in her actions for sure

yeosang has been the only one to beat hj at chess, and he is not the lieutenant. we know that hongjoong personally selected seonghwa before yeosang joined the crew and that the position has never swayed, and we also know that yeosang is the master strategist on the crew, which is something a lieutenant would usually take care of so it lends to some questions about how hongjoong views authority in his crew? as far as the chess game goes, his queen was indeed seonghwa, the main bishop he used to both attack and sabotage his own pieces was san, he himself was king, then though not as heavily touched on, the other pieces i had in mind were: mingi and jongho were both knights, yeosang was the other bishop, then mc, wooyoung, and yunho were pawns. who minho was really referring to ;) is quite the twist but a fun one :3

bless you for sending me such a long ask at such a late hour you're so sweet ;-; it made my day i was so happy and excited seeing it thank you for letting me ramble right back at you :3 <3

[strxwberrylemonxde]

hi!! could you do a one shot of platonic toga x fem teen reader who is toga best friend comforting toga when she is having a bad time? one night toga comes to her room and talks with her about her problems and the reader comforts her and they end up cuddling? this is kind of a weird request ik lol so feel free to ignore! have a nice day!!

Skyline Sunset

Featuring: platonic!Toga x teen fem!reader

Synopsis: Toga needs to vent, and what better way to do that than with her best friend?

Genre: Comfort (Reverse Comfort)

Warning: Brief touch on Toga's past (so for those not caught up with season 5 yet, kind of a spoiler), brief knife mention, like one curse word

Word Count: 1.43k

A/N - Oh goodness, I am so sorry this took a while, I've been so busy over my holiday break with homework and school stuff. This was such a sweet request to make, and this wasn't a weird request at all anon, so please don't worry about it <3 I thoroughly loved writing this and I hope you enjoy it dear!

You watched in content as the sun began to dip below the city’s skyline. Wrapped up in a ragged blanket, you watched in awe as the sky turned hues of pink and purple. It was a rather comforting activity you liked to indulge in and was a very sick juxtaposition to your day-to-day life on the run.

Running with the League of Villains held a sense of bittersweetness that some days you couldn’t get around. For the most part, you felt like you’d found a family almost. As dysfunctional as they may have seemed, they made it feel like a place you could belong. You didn’t feel like the leftover scraps of hero society, tossed aside and left in the dark. However, their agenda never failed to leave behind a bitter afterthought.

You stood for everything the League stood for. Your resentfulness towards heroes was enough to fuel and justify every action and reaction that surfaced upon them, but there were some days those crimes left you feeling dirty. Sometimes even guilty. You were often scolded for your lack of a backbone, but who was Shigaraki to shame a young girl for something like that? Not when his missions came with the price of pure heinousness. Some days you forgot what you were fighting for. The line between good and evil blurred before you many times in the past, and each time, you never seemed to know which side you were truly on.

When you first met Toga, you never anticipated getting along with her. Although similar in age, you never thought you’d have anything in common to become friends, but she was persistent. She was thrilled to have another teen in the league, and with a blood-filled craze, she urged that you two would become “the best of friends.”

In the end, it wasn’t long until the two of you became best friends. She provided a sense of levity that you hadn’t experienced in a long time. She brought out the joys of being a teenager, even if it was out of the ordinary teenage agenda. She was able to ground you back to reality when things became too much. You would listen to her gush about her crushes from UA, smile at her blood lust, and cheer her on when things got messy in the league. You did everything many teenage girls did and more. You almost forgot what it was like to have a friend like that before Toga came along. Your friendship helped you make up much of the childhood you missed out on, and you were grateful for that. You never had someone like her in your life before, and you were never planning on letting go of such a friendship. She always reminded you of why you were still here.

A knock resounded behind your door, drawing your attention away from the window. You had a feeling about who it was.

“It’s open.” Your door creaked open at the sound of your voice and you watched as Toga slipped in, trudging her way in with a distant look in her eyes.

Never before have you seen such a hollowed look in her eyes. So lifeless, dull.

Wordlessly, you watched as she climbed atop your bed, pulling one of your stained pillows flush against her face. It was like she thought hiding would make the hurt go away.

In a similar fashion, you rose from your spot at the window and gingerly made your way over to the other side of the bed. You didn’t have the heart to break the silence that hung in the air. You knew she would talk when she was ready, and you knew better than to force her to. Instead, you placed yourself down next to her and put a hand on her back, rubbing gently. The action seemed to trigger something in Toga, watching as her grip on the pillow tightened, turning her knuckles a ghostly white.

She was frustrated, angry, maybe even a little sad. You picked up on that much when she first came in. The air became almost bitter and stale. It felt like an eternity before the silence broke.

“Life is such a pain sometimes.”

“Yeah? Well, who would’ve thought that?” You laughed. You hoped to ease the tension that hung in the air with sarcasm, but you decided not to push it too far. “Wanna talk about it?”

Turning to lay on her back, she looked up at the ceiling before proceeding. “Memories suck. One minute, I’m sitting around polishing my knife, and the next, my mind is suddenly back to my childhood.”

There was a pause in her statement. She was almost hesitant to continue. You fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt, rubbing her arm a bit, coaxing her to continue.

“The way my parents always scolded me to be normal, the way they were so disgusted by me. It’s kind of funny when I look back at it now. They were the ones who gave me this quirk anyway, so who were they to tell me to just be normal?!”

You stayed silent as she kept talking. You wanted her to get her anger out before you said anything else. You were proud of her though. You were the one who taught her to talk her feelings out first before getting violent.

“I mean, blood is just so pretty, I can’t help it, but I wanted to please them, to get them to love me again, and sometimes I fear that you’re gonna leave me too, that maybe you’d want a normal friend to do normal things with.”

You were taken aback by her last statement, and a rush of anger poured over you. You resented the long-lasting effects parents had on their kids, it made you sick. You looked at Toga softly, “Himi, I need you to listen to me. I would never, in a million years, want to toss you aside for someone else. You’re my best friend, something I’ve never had for years. You’ve given me a friendship that has reshaped my view of the world, and it’s friends like you that always remind me why I continue to fight for what we’re fighting for.” In an act of sheer tenderness, you embraced her, cuddling up to her as you continued. “Parents always want their kids to grow up and fit into this perfect mold hero society has set. Any signs of ‘abnormality’ and we’re tossed into a reject pile. Forgotten about as life carries on.” You said bitterly. “Mistake number one was that they gave up on us. We’re not something that can be disposed of when we don’t turn out the way someone wanted, but you know what Himiko, I think the one good thing that’s come out of this was meeting a friend like you.”

There was silence for a moment as she began to cuddle up to you further. She felt protected in your embrace. She felt loved and safe. She was reminded of what friendship was supposed to look like.

You carried on, “No one will ever seem to understand people like us, but you know what? Screw it! Because you have me, and I have you, and you make living in this world so much bearable because I know I have someone like you on my side. The league and I will always make sure you never feel alone in the world.”

Toga turned her head at that, her bright grin returning to her face as she turned to look at you. “Aww, Y/N, there’s no need to get so emotional.” She laughed at your intensity, but deep down she felt a sense of happiness return to her. You took pride in being able to bring back her smile. “You’re right though, living in the real world is so difficult, but you guys make it so much better. You’re like a sister to me, and I’ll be damned if anyone tries to take you away from me.”

Now it was your turn to laugh as she held onto you protectively. You’ve never had a friend like Toga before, and you were forever grateful to whatever divine being led you to her because now, neither of you are alone anymore.

You reveled in the light banter that soon followed your conversation as you continued to cuddle each other, unable to let go. Discussions of Izuku from Toga’s lovesick mind were next to ensue, and it was moments like these that reminded you why you still fought in the first place.

[wickedpact]

A ranking of all the TTT stories in order of how much I liked them.

(Oh god this is so long)

1 My Mother's Axe

BABY ANDYYYYYYYYYYYY. Honestly this one had the trifecta of developing a character's motivations, developing a character's backstory, & developing their personality. The story starting out with Andy teaching Nile to use the axe was so charming and fun, and you could feel that chemistry they had in Opening Fire, the way they teased and bickered with each other so naturally. I loved the wedge between them on the subject of the axe, how Nile was perhaps a little too young to understand Andy's feelings about whether or not its the 'same' axe. I also love how the axe is obviously the symbol of the franchise and hugely important, but you never get a sense of exactly how important it is to Andy until you read the story.

I love the entire Ship of Theseus theme, and how it feels so natural that for Andy she has to get attached to the idea of things rather than the things themselves because she'll always outlive the things themselves-- the axe is symbolically her mom's axe, even if physically it isn't. And I love how she clearly clings to that concept so tightly. "This is the labrys she held in her hands...." IT GETS ME.

And the fact that this sense of BELONGING, of FAMILY, of CULTURE is so important to Andy that she clings to it (figuratively and literally) with both hands. And of course it's important to her, she spent so long alone that the woman doesn't even remember her birth name. That axe (or the idea of that axe) is all she has left of her mother and that family/culture she was born into.

PLUS on that note I love how Andy doesn't remember if her mom was her actual biological mother, but it doesn't matter to her. This woman was her mother in all the ways that counted. And how her mom BETRAYED AND KILLED Andy but Andy loved her so much that she avenged her and carried her axe for thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS!!!!!!

I also loved how the story transcends the timeline of the whole franchise and seeing Andy through the years. Loved seeing her with the varying squads and with varying axes. Also baby Andy was so cute. It was cool seeing her so young. like holy fuck. Andromache The Scythian, Immortal Warrior (but smol). Love that.

Also I think this one is one of the few ttt stories that doesn't suffer from length problems.

tldr: goddammit greg you've done it again.

2 Zanzibar and Other Harbors

Zanzibar my beloved. I've said before, but it's downright comedic how little regard there was for Joe and Nicky's character designs in this story. The same person who does the colors for the regular comic did the colors for this one too, and you can tell, every panel of this story was Beautiful.

Ik there was A Lot of criticism of this one (lmao @ how the fandom had no idea what was to come) but I thought a lot of The Discourse was a bit dramatic. I did think Nicky came off as a little oblivious to Joe's feelings in this story, but I've said before, I honestly think that was a 'tone not translating' thing. It felt like Nicky was nagging Joe for [checks notes] saving innocent people, but Joe was so amused by Nicky's complaints I really do think it was supposed to come off as teasing.

Plus I know the 'Joe running off into danger and Nicky reluctantly following' dynamic wasn't popular (I'm a pretty meh on it meself) but I did love how Joe's impulsiveness (if you want to call it that) was interpreted as heroism and not hot-hotheadedness. All of the examples Nicky and Joe talked about included Joe explicitly saving people. (and it also took A Lot for the nazi to actually provoke Joe).

I also feel like their characterization here was closest to the movie canon-- the bit where they hear the woman scream and Joe goes running in to save her while Nicky swoops in on Joe's heels to comfort her while Joe and the nazi were fighting reminds me of the train car scene. Joe had suggested First that they go find Nile because she needed to be protected, and Nicky later added that Nile probably also needed emotional support. Similar reactions.

But it was So Good, the themes of queer community and the enduring nature of queer culture are Not themes you see in media that often and it was such a delight how it was done. Also it's one of the few more modern TTT stories that has a completely valid excuse for taking place when it did. Chef's kiss.

3 Passchendaele

I love the Duality between seeing baby Andy and then seeing Mama Andy in the very next issue. This story doesn't have a ton of meat to it, but the entire concept of Andy adopting a war orphan straight off the battlefield PLUCKS MY TENDER LITTLE HEARTSTRINGS, and I think it's especially poignant for comic!Andy. I think most people wouldn't think twice about movie!Andy doing something like that but comic Andy is so hardened and almost cruel sometimes, and seeing that even for her the world hasn't beaten all of the compassion from her yet is SO!!!!!!! this woman contains MULTITUDES okay, she's violent and angry and tired and Done but she's also so kind and compassionate and THE STRENGTH OF HER!!!!! Also the idea of her and Yitzhak co-raising a kid together is so damn cute. It was #mysterious pre-Yitzhak-story but now it's cute. holy fuck. It's cute.

& the headbonk panel of her and Zeus lives in my heart. anyways.

4 Many Happy Returns

I Know people weren't thrilled about Booker being in this one, but I've developed a pet-peeve about that: this story was *not* booker-centric. Booker only exists in this story to the extent required to explain the importance of the gesture Nile makes towards him. If there was a story about Booker making some grand gesture of kindness to Nile no one would be saying it was Nile-centric. bc it wouldn't be! Booker exists in this story to explore Nile's kindness, its not about him. I saw that a couple times and it bothered me. anyways.

AAAAAAAAAA I loved this one, the art was beautiful, I loved how Andy Nile and Booker were drawn (like their comic selves but.. more looking like actual people). I loved Andy and Nile's Bants, how Andy wanted to jump right in and Do Violence but Nile was basically telling her to hold her horses.

I feel like I'm just repeating the post I made on this story a few days ago, but I LOVED how Nile's plan revolves not around violence or Cool Mercenary Skills but on Nile's own life skills (as she canonly did a lot of minimum wage job-hopping before the marines in comics canon). Her plan used her skills, not the skills of an immortal warrior, and HER SKILLS were in fact more useful for the situation! lov to see Nile's resourcefulness and planning skills.

AND HOW NILE WAS PROBABLY WATCHING BOOKER??? it's so Much bc 1.) nile knew booker A SINGLE DAY and yet he made such an impression on her emotionally that she had to keep an eye on him and 2.) she said in the movie she wanted Booker to get off free with an apology. Yes she's a member of the team but that doesn't mean she's necessarily going to follow orders like a good little soldier. I also love how she convinced Andy to go along with it. her HEART, her KINDNESS, her THOUGHTFULNESS, UGH.

5 The Bear

Honestly I have like no negative things to say about this one other than a.) character design issues which is less about the story itself and is more of a 'tog comic in general' criticism and b.) too short, but it was supposed to be a tease, so.

But I loved Yitzhak, I wasn't expecting to really like him at all but like I said in my other post, he tickled me. I love characters who are Kind™, especially if they have little reason to be so given their backgrounds. Chef's kiss. Lov him.

6 Bonsai Shokunin

I know this one was a little controversial bc of the outsider POV but whenever I see people upset about that they never point out that the Outsider Guy (the samurai) existed as a reflection on Noriko. His ideas are explained in the text to develop hers. The whole story follows how she gave mercy to a scared young man and in response he murdered Noriko, repeatedly! Who gave him the right to inflict such pain and suffering on the world? In his opinion, the lack of response from the gods was his permission. And for Noriko-- over and over again she dies and suffers because she gave mercy, which lines up with her ideas in FM about how it's their fate to rule mortals and if they don't align with that plan/fate/whatever then they suffer. It shows some background to those ideas and how they developed in her mind outside of Ocean Madness™. Additionally, his idea of 'the Gods have done nothing to strike me down so it's fine if I do these things' kind of explains how Noriko may justify her own morally corrupt actions-- she's died so many times and it's never stuck. Maybe if she did die any of those times, or while she was in the water, maybe that would've been a sign she was doing something right, or at least doing something normal. But she hasn't died. Fate isn't done with Noriko yet. And maybe there's a reason for that. In her mind, it's just not a very pleasant reason, is all.

There were things I was kind of meh about tho. I did kind of wish we saw something of Noriko and the team, or smth explaining the way she was before her dip in the pool-- personality, likes dislikes, etc. but it wasn't bad or anything. It was super vague tho, I had to read it a few times before I got what it was going for. Liked the art. Liked the bonsai metaphor. And of course I Respect the decision to use the 1300s (1200s? I don't remember off the top of my head) rather than using the last 200 years.

7 Strong Medicine

Honestly looking back, this one made me kind of sad because both this one and Bonsai Shokunin explored character's ideas on Fate and The Divine and how that intersects with immortality and I totally thought that theme would be continued, especially with Love Letters. But Then It Wasn't™.

Admittedly.... I had to re-read this one to remember most of it. I liked Booker's ideas on God, 'The conductor of the symphony just may not be very good at his trade' but the plot itself was kind of forgettable. Some fuckin cowboys try to kill a doctor (their second) because he couldn't save their sickly brother. Book tries to stop them, gets killed, and then comes back and kills them all before they get the doctor. Alright. I liked the artstyle because the characters were ugly in a similar way that leandro's are, but way more bearable.

I love the Irony of Booker concluding that there is no such thing as fate or destiny and nothing has meaning, AS HE UNKNOWINGLY SAVES MERRICK'S GRANDFATHER FROM BEING KILLED. Booker getting fucked over by life/god/destiny yet again. It also kind of explains about where the fuck hell Merrick's interest in immortal mercenaries even came from.

I originally had this one a lot higher and then I thought about it and moved it down like two spots.

8 Never Gets Old

I liked seeing Booker interact with his kid. And we got a name for the kid! Philippe was a little bitch though, he was a little obnoxious. I liked how Booker was so thrilled to experience a restaurant with his kid (and since we know he was there before, it can be assumed he went with all of his kids and yet he was so charmed each time). It fits with his line to Nicky in the moon landing story about how you don't appreciate beautiful things 'unless you have someone to share them with'. It was charming to see Booker interact with his kid, and to see him so happy. Also lmao @ Booker's big fat Ye Olde Crush on Andy.

However at the same time it was like.. of all the things to write about,,, I guess? Booker's Night Out...... alright. Especially since Book had so many stories.

I don't know, it was alright. The old man killing him really came out of nowhere, (but the 'Salut, asshole!' panel was funny tho).

9 How To Make a Ghost Town

I've hit a point where talking about these stories has gotten less fun. I liked this one but I felt like Achilles getting lynched was not really necessary for a story that was already tragic (a story that already involved Achilles doing a lot of suffering at the hand of bigots). When we first got the blurb for this story I thought it would be about Andy returning to the squad and making friends with Booker after losing Achilles and them butting heads on the idea of family and when to cut off ties. So a little bit of my underwhelmedness about this one might be just my expectations being different.

Honestly I was pretty interested in Andy and Achilles' relationship and I would've liked to see more of them-- like, what was their dynamic like? What did they love about each other?

But anyways Andy leaving and Achilles getting killed anyways feels so pointlessly tragic (which I suppose is the point..... I don't like tragedies) she left to save him and yet people killed him anyway. Meh.

I did love the bits about Andy wanting to have a domestic life (Andy and her multitudes again) and the little detail about how she buried her axe near the road but he buried his guns under his bed-- he was an escaped slave, he never had the luxury of assuredness like Andy did. It was a sad story.

10 Lacus Solitudinis

'You put this one above love letters crim??? how could you???' easy, lmao.

There was stuff in this one I liked. But to talk about stuff I didn't like: (I'll keep it brief, I know ragging on this story has been done time and time again)

UH, setting aside the 6 year cold shoulder between Joe and Nicky, I thought their chosen method of conflict resolution was... bad at best. Nicky's inability to talk about his feelings was also annoying, especially since the entire point of this story is a fight Joe and Nicky had, and yet we don't get both sides to the story, which is...... important? That fact is especially annoying bc in the absence of Nicky explaining his side of the story, it's absolutely a possible (and admittedly probably unintentional) interpretation of the text that we do get that Joe routinely resolves conflict between him and Nicky by simply cutting Nicky out of his life entirely until Nicky just. caves? Even if it takes years?

WHICH i could get into that interpretation and how fucked up i find it. but im not going to. out of restraint.

I don't know, I think there are a lot of interesting ways to go about this conflict but 'Nicky wants to kill a guy and Joe refuses to acknowledge his existence until he stops because he thinks Nicky is too much of a Good Boy to get his hands dirty like that' ('I wont watch as the world turns his (...) compassion into something ugly'. ) wasn't.. how I would've done it. (I mean you know Joe doesn't give a shit about what Nicky is doing in a moral way, because Joe doesn't even care or mention that Booker is killing those cops too. Joe only cares because he doesn't like the idea of Nicky changing in a way he finds undesirable.)

admittedly I've said before, I do like the emphasis Joe's reaction puts on Nicky's kindness. Joe has a complete inability to cope with Nicky simply Not Being Kind. It speaks to the steadiness of Nicky's compassion all those years. but still that fact doesn't make it the conflict feel worth it

hm. I said I would be brief and I wasn't.

oh well. basically I thought there was interesting conflict potential there but it wasn't done the way I would've liked, and the way it was done leaves a lot of disturbing (and again probably unintended) interpretations to lie.

What I did like? Andy and Joe having that pessimist/optimist dynamic. Joe nerding out about science. Andy not being impressed by The Achievements Of Man. I loved Booker needling at Nicky about his outdated slang and also trying to give him Older Brother advice practically in the same breath. I loved Booker giving The Worst relationship advice ever and Nicky being like 'I Will Not Do That, Ever, Thanks.' the family vibes were so good. The Joenicky vibes left a lot to be desired tho.

11 Love Letters

I talked about my problems with Nicky in this story (and Lacus Solitudinis). I don't know, the story isn't bad but I do hold a little bit of a grudge towards it because its very existence begs the existence of a solo Joe story and we didn't get one. If we never got this story, then we could happily count Lacus Solitudinis and Zanzibar as The Joenicky Stories™ and move on with our lives. sigh.

I remember when we first got the blurb for this story I was really curious about why Nicky specifically + the setting, and the answer kind of feels like 'the author had an idea for a story like this and saw ttt as a good enough place to utilize that idea'. Plus I was really underwhelmed by the Romantic Sentiment in the letter. If you look at it line-by-line, the majority of the letter is actually Nicky talking about how lonely and disturbed he is, rather than actual,, yknow,,, Romantic Sentiment. I mean, compare the van speech and this letter and this letter is just kind of meh in comparison. I liked nicky calling joe wise! and I liked the brief sun/moon metaphor! and otherwise it was eh. It didn't even have cute squad banter, which is why Lacus Solitudinis is above this one.

12 An Old Soul

Nun orgy. Nun orgy?????? Nun orgy.......

The whole story felt like a setup to have a nun orgy. Why did Booker have abs? Why did they do that to Andy's nose? ?????? the art was good at least.

nun orgy.

[avversiera-writes]

try again; in everyday we breathe life [tobirama senju/you] - chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Then

Summary: some comedy,, more doing the deedddd, some comedic relief, hah! light-hearted stuff while the glaring dramatic irony lingers

Word Count: ~4k

Author’s Note: ik ik it’s been a while! almost done tho. thank you for reading <3

also on AO3.

Chapter 1 - Now | Chapter 2 - Then, part 1 | Chapter 2 - Then, part 2 | Chapter 3 - Now | 

Tobirama is busy meeting with delegates from Kumogakure, and you are stuck being a wife in your own home, trying not to get embarrassed in front of the servants as you talk about replacing the broken bed in your room and changing the curtains around the house, or some other household detail that needs attending. You also talk with the cook in the kitchen about dinner, as Tobirama’s students are going to come over tonight, and you want to make sure that the food will be up to their tastes. 

  You trudge through your day until past noon, deciding that it is a good time to drop by the Hokage mansion to get your stubborn husband to eat something. The more Tobirama gets busy, the more he ignores the simplest ways to sustain himself. It is even harder to get him off when he is hard at work and is very focused on his tasks. He has a way of zeroing in on whatever he is doing, and while he is quite efficient at it, hours can pass him by before he even considers taking a break. 

This part of Tobirama, you admire and loathe him for it, because he rarely thinks about taking care of himself. It has always been work for him, and you know that he enjoys it more than anything, despite the stress that it brings him. 

  Now that you have taken a step back from being an active shinobi, you are able to look after him in your own way. There are times he resists being looked after, but after some pushing and prodding on your part, he would grudgingly accept it. 

  Being married to him and getting to know more sides of him is thrilling, and it makes you fall for him even more. 

In your bedroom, preparing to drop by the Hokage office, you study your clothes, deciding which kimono you should wear and which outer robe or pair of sandals you want to match it with. You have never really thought about fashion that much, because you often opted for practical clothing. Now that you are the Hokage's wife, you know you have to look the part, and also, it does not hurt to wear something pretty for your husband. 

  After deciding with a light green kimono with a slit on the left leg, and pairing a yellow outer coat to complement it, you step out of the bedroom to head down the kitchen. 

  The house is quiet, except for the quiet footsteps just outside the house, indicating that the servants of the house are keeping away to give you some privacy. You really do not mind their company, but they are gone before you can express your sentiments. 

You make a mental note to change that. Despite being in a village where classes of people are blurred, it seems to be different within clans. You know that some of the Senju have married with the common folk and into other clans, but since the two heads of the clan are Hokage, that part of the family is treated almost like royalty. 

  You shake your head. Hierarchies were the least of your problems, especially one that involves family. In the shinobi world, it is simpler, and there are many opportunities to move up your rank. Whereas, being part of the more mundane life, it is a whole different world from what you knew. 

  You uncover the pan where the cook had left the fried fish that Tobirama likes and you begin to pack it into a box, along with rice and some side dishes that he sometimes eats along with this kind of dish. You prepare his tea, and a few rice cakes, then you wrap everything into a nice blanket to make it easier to carry. 

Footsteps approach the long kitchen, and you whirl around, only to spot Miura Kimiko. 

  “My lady, I am so sorry to interrupt!” Kimiko expresses. 

“Oh, it’s you,” you greet. You throw a smile at the last minute to reassure that there is nothing to worry about. You are completely caught off-guard by her presence, since no one is really around you at the moment. “I have been meaning to talk to you.” 

  Kimiko smiles kindly. “Really?” 

  You let out a nervous giggle. “Well, it turns out that I may need your help after all. You know, with the...” You trail off and you give Kimiko an embarrassed look. 

Kimiko’s face lights up in joy, and you finally let out a genuine smile. “That’s great, my lady!” 

  You press a hand to your forehead and laugh. “I had no idea that he would be so quick to decide. He seemed very eager.” 

Kimiko laughs, and you take Tobirama’s wrapped lunch. 

“I see,” Kimiko walks towards you, and pauses at the cupboards. “I will have to make a quick trip to the market. We can talk later, and I can show you and give you your first batch of tea for fertility purposes. Then, along the way, we’ll talk of the supplements that will ensure a healthy birth.” 

You meet her eyes. “Thank you, Kimiko-san. I really appreciate this.” You give her a small bow. “I will put my trust in you.” 

  “I am honored, my lady,” Kimiko replies, and from there, you leave her be in the kitchen to make your way towards the Hokage office.

//

There was some waiting to be done, once you get in the Hokage office. The mansion is flourishing with many people, delegates and their aides that have been authorized to stay there for the duration of their visit. It seems that peace negotiations are coming along well, judging by the atmosphere of the place. There is no tension that you feel. You hope that Tobirama’s alliance with Kumo will come along soon, though you foresee the many months of more political talks that will ail his office hours. 

  Sensing that Tobirama will not be available immediately, you tell one of his guards that you will be waiting in the library for him, and make your way there. 

You smile at the familiar sight, the moment you step in. It has been a while since you have been here, in this place, where you and Tobirama had spent a lot of your earlier years together, and where your love probably first budded from. You learned more from each other through observation and silence, and of course, your nonstop banter that somehow turned into a dance of flirtationship. 

  It seems so long ago. 

You look to the table where the two of you had spent countless hours poring over research books, record books and writing into scrolls and manuscripts about plans for the growing Academy. This place has evolved–it used to be smaller. There are now more bookshelves that are being filled with newer books, and the restricted section, only accessible to those jounin level and higher, are also growing, no doubt due to your husband’s non-stop inventions. He had a huge hand in writing a lot of academic research and theory that will certainly help the future generations. That is what he is hoping for, after all, to build something that will last. 

You finally sit at your table, where dust is gathering and swirling in motes due to the sunlight peering in from the window. There is a clock at the back of the library, and it clicks loudly, echoing in the dusty, warm place to signal the passing time. 

  You trace a finger on the table, remembering that Tobirama found it childish that you doodle on random things, and then you remember telling him off and to mind his own business. 

“What are you smiling about?” Tobirama’s voice interrupts your thoughts and you turn your head to his direction. He comes closer and he glances at the table, probably coming into a realization. “I see. You were a bit of a terror back then.” 

Tobirama sits across from you, and you notice that he is wearing his Hokage clothes. 

“Long day?” You ask. 

  “The day has not even begun to start,” Tobirama sighs, and he begins to roll his sleeves back. “It is hard to keep track of the delegates coming in and out, and harder to make sure that our own delegates in Kumo are not messing up anything.” 

“Well, have a little faith,” you tell him. 

  Tobirama rolls his eyes. “Yes, I’m sure a little faith will do it. One of them, by the way, is my eldest nephew, and he is everything Hashirama is and none of his mother’s tact and charm.” 

  “Your brother is charming, stop it.” You crack a smile. 

  Tobirama narrows his eyes at you as he unpacks the lunch you have brought him. “Yes, he has charm, and he is sunshine and all about inspiration, that will dazzle the leaders of Kumogakure.”

You roll your eyes. “This is a good thing. He gets to show off the youthfulness that peaceful times can only bring.”

  If Tobirama could laugh out loud, this moment would be it. However, he lets out a huff of breath with a small smile, his version of being amused. “Perhaps. That ought to be the winning argument.” 

You let Tobirama eat in peace, and instead, decide to wander around the library to find the old places you used to crash into when you and Tobirama had to pull all-nighters, or when you just needed some space from him being a blunt asshole. You pull out the books that he used to recommend you, and flip through the pages where he had left tiny notes and markers for you to find. All of them, you have kept and preserved. 

  Back then, you found this part of Tobirama confusing and annoying, because he keeps passing you one book after another in the guise of studying it, but now that you think about it, this was his way of letting you know that he was interested. You remember the folded papers and bookmarks that would fall out when you open them, and your miffedness from trying to collect them from the ground. You were convinced that Tobirama was out to get you. 

“You know what, husband, I take it back. You were a bit of a charmer back then,” you note as you sense him approaching. You slide the book back into its shelf, creating a cleaner path from the dust.

  “And you were quite mean,” Tobirama says with a hint of mock wonder. “What were your words? That I was a senile, arrogant bastard who can go stick–”

  “Alright, alright,” you interrupt and shoot him a glare. “I said I take it back.” 

  “Yes, but my poor heart,” Tobirama sarcastically replies. 

You look at him, feigning bewilderment. “Are you joking around with me? Wow ! You are capable of such things!” 

  Tobirama smirks. “I am capable of many things.” 

You scoff. “Your audacity at this moment, Lord Nidaime.” 

  Tobirama does not even look like there is a hint of shame on that proud, stoic face of his. 

You bite back a smirk, and the two of you stare at each other for a short moment. The air between you changes, and before you know it, Tobirama is pushing you against the bookshelves, his mouth on yours, and his rough hands slipping through the slit of your kimono to grope your hips. You hear books fall to the floor and scrolls rolling on its surface, and your hand goes above your head to find some sort of purchase. 

“Maybe I should have done this earlier and saved us the confusion of finding out if we really did like each other,” Tobirama roughly whispers into your ear. 

  “If you did, I would have certainly, absolutely have stabbed my katana into your–” 

Tobirama steals your last words by pushing his tongue through your mouth and you moan, pleased. 

“Can you really afford to waste time like this?” You gasp as Tobirama delves into your neck intensely. 

  “I’m the Hokage,” Tobirama answers curtly. 

  “Some abuse of power right there.” 

You close your eyes as Tobirama’s hands cup your ass and presses you against his body, where you can feel his half-aroused erection. You grind against him, and he pushes you into the bookshelf again, where you can feel the edge of the shelves pressing against your back. 

“Haven’t you had enough?” You ask him beguilingly. 

Tobirama stares at you with a serious expression, and something about it makes you weak. “Of you?” He plants a tender kiss on your lips. “If you begin to impose too much.” 

  You roll your eyes. “Alright, goodbye. I’ll see you at home. Enjoy your erection.” 

You attempt to leave his grasp, but he steadies you in one place with firm hands. 

“Where are you going, and with this cut in your clothing? Let’s put it into good use, shall we?” Tobirama says in a low voice. 

  He whirls you around, and hikes up your clothes up to your hips. The cool air makes you shiver, and you grab onto a shelf to steady yourself. Tobirama is taller, and he is pulling you against himself, making your balance unsteady. 

  Your husband runs a hand between your thighs, and you can’t help but moan when he begins to rub his fingers against your heat. He stops, and then you hear quick shuffling of clothes behind you. You reach behind you to feel Tobirama and you let out a low chuckle when you realize that he has opted to shed his Hokage robes. 

“You have got it bad, Lord Nidaime,” you murmur. 

  “Yes, poor me, whatever shall I do now,” he says quickly. He grips your hip and positions it so that he can perfectly align against your entrance. 

  Then, he slips in, and you let out a long drawn moan as he sheathes himself inside you completely. 

  You hear him murmur curses, and you gasp as he rears back, only to slam himself back in with a precision that immediately paints your vision white. You forget you have legs, and you almost fall down as Tobirama begins to thrust into you unforgivingly. You let out a cry, and his hand quickly slaps over your mouth. 

  You hear his harsh breaths, getting louder and faster. Your lower back curves a little bit more, and the angle changes, and Tobirama begins to pound the spot that makes your body buck into him wildly. 

With nothing to support yourself, you accidentally tear the shelf in half above your head, and more books come crashing into the floor. Tobirama moves the two of you away from the mess, and he plasters you against the wall. You can only gasp as he resumes his fucking, and the slick sounds of skin against skin, of the neck-breaking speed that Tobirama snaps his hips to, makes you come so hard that you only remember worrying about the roof or the floor caving in until Tobirama places you on a table, and begins to fuck you there. 

  You cry out, slewing curses with a creativity that only comes when you are high. 

The table beneath you breaks, and Tobirama lowers your conjoined bodies onto the floor. You hold on to his shoulders, and lean back as he uses his tongue and his lips trace your neck and to plant light bruises there. You grind into him, chasing another high, and you end up pulling at his hair to expose more of his neck. 

You suck on the side of his neck, and his hands on your hips begin to guide you into a slow, agonizing rhythm. Finally, the two of you kiss, and Tobirama gives you a hard thrust upwards that sends your legs flailing, and you feel his cock twitch inside you as he breeds you with his hot seed. 

“Oh my gods,” you murmur, but you are not sure if you have said it out loud. 

Tobirama is still breathing harshly against your shoulder, and he is holding onto you like a tight coil. You feel his heart thundering against his chest, and as you come to, Tobirama shows no sign of letting up his grip. Slowly, you run a hand down his arm to soothe him. You give light kisses on the side of his face, and you continue to caress him gently. 

"Too much?" You ask teasingly. 

  Tobirama coughs, and even that sounds embarrassed. "We're really doing this." 

  "It hasn't set in yet, huh?" 

Tobirama squeezes your waist with his arms as his reply and you rest your head on his shoulder. 

  "Are you going to let go of me?" You ask tentatively. 

Tobirama lets out a sigh and you stifle a giggle. It is rare to catch a very soft Tobirama. 

  "Are you not tired?" Tobirama asks. 

  "No, not at all." You lean back and narrow your eyes at him. "Are you? Is your age catching up?"

  Tobirama scoffs and he immediately scowls. "I am not that old, and I can go for more if you want." 

You lean towards him languorously, a victorious smile spreading across your lips. "Yes, but you have a job to do." 

Tobirama slowly eases you off of him. "They can wait. I think I'll get a chronic migraine because of some hard to please delegates." 

  "With that expression of yours, one might think you already do," you can't resist saying back.

Tobirama stares at you blankly. "Now I get why people are wondering why I married you,” he deadpans. 

  “I beg to differ, Lord Nidaime, I’m quite the catch,” you smile cheekily as you watch Tobirama’s ears flush pink. 

You give your husband a few quick kisses on the lips before he can react, and you move away to stand up and gather yourself.

  “Whoah.” Your legs wobble slightly as you take a step.

  Tobirama catches you by the elbow, and you feel your face blush from his action. 

“Careful,” he warns. 

  “Right,” you say in a quiet voice. You survey the damage and you swallow nervously. “Um...I am going to stay here, and clean up and also make sure that I do not look like I just got mugged.”

Tobirama throws you a dirty look as he searches for his clothes. “Don’t worry about the mess, I will take care of it.” 

  “I was talking about myself,” you run a hand through your hair. 

Tobirama quickly puts on his clothes, and you watch him, surrounded by the broken bookshelves and the books littered on the floor. You can sense that the two of you are panicking about getting caught, or having someone walk in here, especially when the Hokage mansion is housing so many people. 

“You’re the worst,” you blurt out. 

  Tobirama raises an eyebrow and slides on his sandals. His serious expression becomes funnier as his hard features begin to morph into helplessness. You note the blooming bruises on his neck, and you gesture at it, with the same helplessness. 

  “Right,” Tobirama awkwardly says and tugs his collar up. 

  The two of you stare at each other with the familiarity of two strangers in the wrong place, and Tobirama skeeters out of the library in the most elegant way that he can muster, and when he is gone, you slide to the floor, staring at the space in front of you, then, you begin to laugh out loud. 

//

Instead of going straight home, you try your best to clean up the library, and to check your image on the glass window to make sure you look representable. Then, you wait for Tobirama in a common lounge since this whole ordeal took the whole afternoon, and it is now nearing dinner. 

  You wrap your outer coat tighter, and try to mask the slight limp that you have developed over the course of the afternoon. 

  Finally, your husband is out of his work’s clutches for now, and the two of you hurry home, trying to beat Tobirama’s students there so that the two of you can freshen up. 

  However, your plans are ruined, when you find the six of them standing on the yard, aghast as the servants haul out the bed that the two of you have broken, and they watch, as a new bed is carried into the house. 

Tobirama stiffens beside you, and you manage a small smile, knowing that you look disheveled as you feel. 

  In the yard, both Hiruzen and Danzo look horrified, Torifu is pale, Kagami and Homura have their mouths opened, and in all of their eyes you can see a growing realization, while Koharu struggles to keep her face from deviating from her usual strict expression. 

Tobirama stands beside you, calm and collected, regal and shameless. He nods, and he leaves you in the yard and walks abruptly into the house. 

“EW!” The boys shouted. 

  Koharu rolls her eyes and she starts to walk away. "Get it together," she snaps. 

  You resist the urge to put a hand on your face to cover up your embarrassment, and instead, choose to walk towards the house with your whole chest. 

To be continued...

Chapter 5 - Then >>

[themilky-way]

kinship {loki odinson}

gif credit: go-fandom-imagines

pairing: loki odinson x female! reader

summary: loki never thought that he’d defend, let alone protect, a midgardian. but after seeing you, in your most vulnerable states, he made it his mission to look after you. loosely based on this song. 

warnings: some hints of violence (nothing too graphic), blood, and like one bad word. also when the characters say “kid” to you, it’s nothing age wise it’s just something i feel they’d call you yk.

notes: i’m in my loki feels ya’ll know the drill i just miss this man. also ik some of u ladies don’t have long hair i’m sorry! i’m having a little trouble making the words fit and stuff so please give me tips on how to improve!

the first time it happened was when you were sleeping. he never meant to walk in on your frail body, curled up in a ball in the over sized armchair tony had installed in the common room. your feet were tucked in neatly beneath you, with one hand splayed out across your stomach while the other held a book, your thumb keeping it partially open. your head had lolled down so it could rest on the arm rest, and while at first it had been rather uncomfortable, you let your eyes naturally droop so they could rest. 

it had been the middle of the night, roughly around two in the morning, when loki decided to walk around the tower. he did this every so often, finding some sort of comfort from the peace and quiet the darkness held, but he had never encountered anybody else. he walked down the hall and past every avenger’s room, until he reached the living room. originally, his plan was to stand at the wide glass window the room displayed and simply watch the city lights glitter in all sorts of patterns. after that, he would go to the terrace for a bit, just enough for the sun to come up and the sky to change to warmer colors. but he didn’t do that tonight. why? well, he didn’t really know the answer to that himself. 

when he entered the room, he came across your sleeping form. he noticed the way in which you nestled your body further down the fur of the cushion and curled yourself into your body just a little more to stop goosebumps from forming. you were cold, your body heat not enough to cover the sharp temperatures that reached you. loki, taking note of this, took off his cardigan, and walked over to where you were sleeping. he straightened the delicate fabric before he laid the emerald green sweater over your frame. he tucked it in where he felt it might fall over with a random movement, careful to not dig his fingers in too deeply so it would hurt or startle you. next, he took the liberty to carefully retract the open book from your hand to place it on the coffee table, and then grabbed more of his cardigan so it covered your relaxed hand and tummy. he drew back a few steps, to examine his work. he felt it was mediocre, not as good as it might’ve been if steve or wanda had done it, but it was enough for you to rest. 

loki was not a man who grasped the concept of emotional connections very well. he was someone who didn’t have a feel for intimacy, who despised physical touch, who didn’t know anything about feelings other than hatred or malice. but here he was, peering down at your frail body, in one of its most fragile states that could possibly exist, and felt something. he didn’t know what it was, and he knew he didn’t want to find out, but it would reach him. the feeling, along with the desire, to get to know you in more intricate ways. 

he walked over to the couch a couple of feet to the right of where you were and took a seat, folding his left leg onto the soft, plush seat while the other one remained planted on the marbled floor. he had a view of the window, like he originally planned to study, but he found his attention drifting to another sight. he observed how quietly you breathed, the soft exhales that your nose released every few seconds. after a while, he noticed how your lips parted slightly and began to exhale with it instead. the soft breaths turned louder, and your snores were now evident to him. they weren’t loud, barely even there, and only lasted a minute or two before they returned to regular breathing. 

he also noticed how the hair on top of your head was beginning to disperse from its neat place. the soft, baby hairs that adorned the sides of your forehead lost their place and decided to scavenge for another, and the more you adjusted your head, the more they ruffled. he also saw the way your body slightly trembled from the sudden gusts of wind the air conditioner would send, and how you finally embraced his clothing. it sent a thrill through loki, the thought, the image of you breathing in his scent that lingered on his sweater, how you seemed to like it and do it so mindlessly. it empowered him. and so he stayed there until dawn. 

the next time loki encountered you in a similar state was two weeks later. tony had sent him to fetch you for a mission that was risky, and he had felt bad to include you since you had put in some vacation hours. loki, although he would never openly admit to anyone nor himself, had conducted some research on you since he first saw you. he knew you were stressed, deeply longing some time off to unwind and focus on yourself, and he seemed almost hesitant to follow through with stark’s request. nevertheless, he started his way up to your room, following the route to the elevator, and cutting some sharp corners to finally reach your corridor. as he was strolling down it, however, he caught the hints of different patternized beats and melodies coming from the end of it. he kept his ears perked in case he heard someone else, brows furrowed in confusion, but as he kept his pace and finally reached the outside of your door, he discovered the music was comingfrom you. he felt weird, intruding into your personal space like this, but in his defense, stark had sent him. just before he could reach up and properly knock, he noticed the door was slightly ajar. not sufficient enough for you to see him but enough for him to see you. he watched your body, a little too intently for his liking, flow to the rythmn of the upbeat song. your hands reaching up to run them through your hair while your hips swayed from side to side. your right foot would step out and then you’d bring your left one in, and then did the opposite. 

all in all, it was an innocent dance, you were releasing tension that you were holding in for a while, and you were happy. loki saw that, in your face to be more exact. his eyes first reached your own, which were closed and nowhere near recognizing his broad figure in your doorway. he scanned your nose, how your nostrils would flare harder than usual whenever you released a longer breath. he compared it to when he first saw you sleeping in the common room, and he couldn’t decide which event he liked better. he finally reached your lips, and he had to physically fight his newfound urges and stop himself from busting in and connecting them to his own. they were delicate, soft, and slightly chapped. it was evident that you picked at the skin on your bottom one because he noticed a small red patch on one side of your bottom lip. he couldn’t look away, and he felt awful, thinking of you in such intimate ways while you were unbeknownst of his presence. but what made him almost completely lose his mind was the moment in which you tucked that very same lip, the red, almost raw, portion of it between your teeth. he let his eyes run over the action, and felt an all too familiar emotion grow in the pit of his stomach, one that he never imagined you’d be the one to elicit.

he’d had enough. he’d seen enough. without thinking twice on it, loki barged into your bedroom, steel door hitting the wall with a strong bang, and spoke with authority. 

“stark needs you for a mission. he wants you onboard in ten.” you spun around to face him, a sharp gasp escaping your throat and shocked expression washing over your features. he had to mask his worry and regret of scaring you like this with indifference. he needed to do it like this. he couldn’t risk you turning too far and opening your oh so beautiful eyes only to find him creepily concentrating on you. 

“loki, what the hell,” you breathed. “you fucking scared me!” 

he tried to not let the way you had voiced that get to him. you were startled, frightened, and that mixed with the energy you were dancing with was sure to leave you gasping. but loki had seen you, twice now, in some of your purest forms. so the way you softly huffed his name, even for different reasons, made his mind run wild and his heart jump hurdles. he managed to keep his face stilled, though, and rolled his eyes and told you not to be such a wuss and to shut your music off. you walked over and turned the knob of your stereo down, complying. it took almost every cell in his body to keep from muttering out incoherent apologies, pulling you in close and stroking your ruffled hair. but he didn’t do that. 

“yeah yeah. whatever. can you tell tony that i can’t go? i’m taking some days off and i-”

“he made it clear to me that you’re presence is crucial to the outcome of this mission,” he interrupted, his voice low. you rolled your eyes and started to frantically assemble your go bag, thanking loki for the message. he wanted to stay and watch you do this too, but all he did was let out a hum of acceptance and walk out your door. as he walked through the corridors and seemingly endless turns to leave your dormitory, he replayed everything he saw, and a small smile curved its way onto his own lips. and for the entirety of the next week that you were gone, he kept doing it. 

you, with much reluctance, had hopped on the plane with steve, bucky, tony, and natasha. it was a hard mission, but you had been trained by one of the fiercest assassins that the world ever saw. so, alongside natasha, you fought almost effortlessly. but regardless of how effective you and your team performed, the enemy was also calculated. he managed to trick you into believing he was alone, that he was finishing this fight by himself. but when bucky was holding the sinister man down, he got hit with a strong blow to his shoulder. the metal of the bullet would have clashed against the metal of his own arm, but this bullet, according to the dying words of the man, was made especially for bucky. he was wounded, and tony flew to get him off the field as quickly as he could. natasha took hold of the man and held him down one last time, and as more of his soldiers appeared all around you, you and steve attacked them. you gave your everything, landing nasty blows in every direction. steve threw his shield to pin an adversary to the side of a car as he pinned you down on the ground, and you reached over to take it out of the man and shifted so you were able to see behind you. as soon as you did, you connected the blue and red colored metal to the face of another enemy. the last one. the team, from wherever they were standing, relaxed a little and looked around at all the casualties. tony and natasha had managed to take care of the leader, and steve looked over at you from his protective stance and grinned proudly. but his smile abruptly disappeared when he saw you fall back down. he noticed a small pool of blood collecting around your torso and rushed to your aid. 

“tony, (y/n)’s wounded too! get the jet and get her inside. i’ll get bucky,” steve said hurriedly. tony landed shortly after and told friday to bring the jet down to your coordinates. steve looked down at you and let his hand caress the top of your head lightly before speaking again. “hang in there, kid, we’ll take care of you.” 

you tried to make out his figure leave, and eventually run, to where bucky was lying to bring him aboard. you couldn’t really see him, though, because your vision was beginning to blur and your ears had started to ring. you attempted to keep your eyes open to see tony press a tech device to your wound and you winced, eyes squeezing shut tightly. all at once, you stopped hearing tony’s scrambled words, muscles around your face and body going completely numb. then, you succumbed into full darkness and so did everyone and everything around you.

the next time you opened your eyes, it was to a dimly lit operating room. your visual acuity quickly adjusted as your eyes kept bouncing around the different light bulbs, and then you turned your head to the right. you saw bucky peacefully sleeping, a patch adorning the top of his shoulder and an iv scaling up to the actual bag containing the medicine. you then raised your head a little to see that your clothes had been changed to some medical shorts and an oversized t-shirt. you knew then that it had been wanda who had helped, seeing as the band displayed on the shirt was her favorite. next, you turned to the left, and this time, you saw the back of a male figure. after careful study and concentration, you realized it was bruce. 

“bruce?” you voice came out in a hoarse and cracked whisper. but it was loud enough for bruce to turn around and gleam at you. 

“(y/n)! i see you’re awake, can i get you anything?” he took off his glasses and set them down next to some documents and walked over to you. you nodded weakly and shakily asked for some water, making an effort to get up from the bed but stopped after you felt a sharp pain take over the left side of your abdomen. you winced and let out a painful groan, and bruce instantly took a hold of your arm as his other hand reached around your back to steady you.

“careful, you’re hurt.”

“what happened, exactly?” you wondered, voice starting to come back to normal. by now, you were properly seated along the edge of the bed with your feet unsteadily planted on the ground. once bruce saw that you were stable enough to not fall, he allowed himself to pour water from a pitcher into a glass that had both been on your side table. you took the glass into your shaky hands and brought the rim up to your lips, relishing the hydration it brought to your dry mouth. you swigged it rather quickly, and bruce took it back and set it down before answering your question. 

“well, you were on a mission, from what steve tells me. they brought you and bucky to me as soon as they could. you were stabbed, kiddo. i patched you up and took out your iv about an hour ago.”

your lips parted and let your jaw open a little in a surprised motion. you had a knife, at one point in your fight, plunged into you? you didn’t even feel anything. your head started to throb now that you were fully awake, and you could feel the pain more clearly. 

“you’re strong, you know,” his voice brought you back to him. it was reassuring, gentle, just like you knew bruce was. “all of you guys are.” 

you smiled at him and reached out to touch his hand, and squeezing it lightly. he pulled you into a hug, and you accepted it kindly, acknowledging the help and most importantly the presence of one of your best friends. when you pulled back, he saw you grimace as another shot of pain spread across your abdomen. he asked you if you desired to go to your room, and after you said yes, he was quick in his efforts to completely stand you up and off the bed. his hand was holding one of yours, and the other was on your back like before, but just as you were beginning to walk, another voice spoke. 

“i can take you. if you allow me.” 

your eyes diverted in the direction of the voice it came from, and you landed on a pair of sharp blue orbs. stopping dead in your tracks, you found your mouth becoming dry again. his eyes pierced into your own, and you couldn’t find any word combination that would possibly make sense. you looked at bruce, as did he, and you found yourself nodding. you turned back to see loki all stood up and heading over to where you were standing. since bruce was holding you from the right, loki let his hand slip around your waist on the other side, a few goosebumps forming around your body at the contact. the other hand, reached to take yours in his and held it strongly. you started walking again, at first slowly, but once you got the hang of your own legs again, it became much easier for the both of you.

the walk to your room was silent, but not awkward. he grip on your waist was sturdy, but gentle and whenever you let out huffs of pain, he would stop and allow you to rest for a while. eventually, you reached your door, and he let go of your hand to open it. 

“may i?” loki inquired. you simply nodded again, and he led you in. when you saw the arrangement of pillows and blankets that awaited your arrival, it took you aback. you looked at him before asking, “did you do this?”

he stared at you for a few seconds, enough time for you to feel butterflies crawling around, and nodded.

during your entire stay at the tower, you couldn’t really deny the way you saw loki. it wasn’t anything deep, just a simple, growing attraction towards him. when you first arrived, loki was being detained after literally destroying the entire city, so his attitude towards you was hostile. but you found him handsome, despite his rude behavior, and his snappy comments and witty banter made the emotion within you much stronger. over time, you tried your best to be nice to him, to really get to know him unlike the majority of your team. no matter how many times loki shut you out of his life, you didn’t take it personal and continued to be your happy and cheery self when you saw him. 

over time, loki stopped fighting to keep you out, and he switched from being rude to acting annoyed. you viewed this as a win and didn’t delve too much into far more personal problems to keep him from shutting you out again. despite you promptly sticking to this ideology, you couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t speak to you as often as he did these past few weeks. it was strange, but then again, it’s loki, you thought.

god, but now, he does this? watches you for who knows how long while you’re in the middle of a drug-induced trance? offers to take you to your room, which apparently he’s arranged to fit your commodity, and holds you so perfectly? it’s all too much for you, the way he makes you feel, but even though you try to push the thought away, it bombards once more. 

one of your legs gives out, and you almost, almost fall to the ground. his free hand reached over to grab the other side of your hip to hold you, tightly squeezing the soft muscle that was there. he stilled, watching you intently to see if you were alright and looking for any signs of severe pain. you felt his gaze on you, but you didn’t look up, fully knowing that if you did, you’d give out again. instead, you looked down at your oversized clothes and focused on the design.

“let me get you to bed, so you can rest. can i do that?” his tone was caring, nursing even. his voice was silky, intoxicating your senses more than you liked. you wanted him to talk forever and listen to him rant about endless topics that were running through his mind. but right now your well being prevented you from doing that so you simply muttered, “please.”

he moved so he was behind you, his hands moving along the fabric of your clothes so they didn’t separate from your waist. he pushed you gently and guided you to your side of the bed, eventually letting his hands slide off gradually from your sides as you sat. you missed his touch as soon as it left. and he missed touching you.

as you scooted up so your head could lay on the soft, cushioned pillow, loki removed some other ones that he deemed unnecessary to your comfort. then, he grabbed the folded blanket he placed at the foot of the bed and unfolded it over you. immediately you nuzzled into it and took in the scent that it gave off, and you could’ve sworn that you recognized it. loki noticed it, and he let his mind wander to the night he took care of you sleeping, how you’d done the same exact thing to the smell of his cardigan. it sent him into a frenzy, stomach erupting into fluttering butterflies, hands turning clammy, and pinkish heat coloring his cheeks. how was it possible, he thought, that you made him feel like this. he didn’t notice how long he had observed you for, his eyes raking up your body and wishing nothing more than to embrace it once and for all. to feel the warmth of your hugs, and to ease your pain, even if it would be for a brief moment. his eyes continued traveling up towards you face, and when he finally reached your eyes, he found yours already looking at him. 

“you can take a seat over there if you’d like?” you questioned him. you nudged with your head at a sofa that was behind him, and he furrowed his eyebrows as he looked back to look at it. he turned back around and asked, “you want me to stay?”

“yeah, i kinda do. you don’t have to obviously,” you stopped mid sentence as a new wave of pain rushed through, grimacing. as it passed, you continued, “but it’d be nice.”

of course he was going to stay. he knew he didn’t have to, but he wanted to. he wanted to take care of you, nurse you in every possible way he could so you could dance animatedly again. so you could fall asleep in the common room, reading your favorite novel and cuddle his sweater. and he wanted you. so without much hesitation this time, he offered you a warm, kind smile and made his way to the sofa and settled in. you, on the other hand, adjusted so your legs were folded but your back was still on the bed to avoid hurting yourself. it was an uncomfortable position, but you weren’t one to complain. you stayed there looking at the ceiling and counted the little glow in the dark stars that tony had glued for you. all the while you could feel a strong gaze look at you, but you were too afraid to say something or even look over. about ten minutes passed with utter silence, the sounds of breaths being exhaled exempt. 

“you could’ve died.” 

“we all could’ve.”

“yes, but you could’ve died.” he regretted enhancing the word as soon as he spoke it. had he said too much? gone too far? he saw you shift your focus from the stars to his face, confusion written all over it. he didn’t look away, though, as embarrassing as it was for him.

“i thought you didn’t like me,” you remarked. loki scoffed and rolled his eyes before returning them toward you. “this has nothing to do with liking you, human.”

you chuckled at this, the rumbling of your chest sending another low shot of pain. “then what does it have to do with?”

he turned away and focused on your tiny bookshelf in the corner of your dorm instead. “taking care of you,” he answered faintly. at this, you’re features relaxed. the smallest smile began to tug at your lips, eyes beginning to sparkle with some sort of affection towards the god.

“ah, so you like me.” 

loki laughed lightly at your reply, but mostly to hide the nervousness his voice might convey if he spoke. he found it stunning; how you effortlessly made him feel worthy of kinship. another, shorter, ripple of silence took over, but you were the one to break it this time. 

“can you take care of me?” the words hit him like a punch in the stomach, and almost instantly his mind started running wild once more. every phrase that appeared to be coherent was not anymore. he looked at you, thinking about how innocently you had voiced your words, how genuine you felt them. 

“loki?”

“hm?” he pretended not to have heard you, pretended to be lost in some other thought that wasn’t you. 

“can you stay here tonight?” 

never in his life did loki imagine he’d be watching over an injured midgardian. he also never imagined for them to be you. “of course, i don’t mind,” he swiftly responded. he mentally scolded himself for answering so fast and at how needy he probably sounded. nevertheless, any thought of embarrassment disappeared from his mind when you wholeheartedly smiled at him. you thanked him, and let your eyes close naturally. your head had relaxed completely against the pillow and your arms were entangled in the fuzzy blanket. you spoke, for one last time that night, and groggily whimpered, “g’night, loki.”

for the third time, loki was studying yet another one of your most vulnerable forms. it left him at ease knowing that nothing could ever harm you as long as he was there. and he was starting to realize in much greater depth, that there was nothing in this broken world that he wouldn’t do for you. to make you happy; to keep you safe. when he finally replied, it was mainly for him to hear it only.

“g’night, (y/n).”

[lawyerd]

ik you started out law school 100% devoted to public interest and I think you mentioned you shifted to now do private first for a bit. as I'm starting ls this fall and also have PI goals, I was wondering if you would mind talking about that decision? would it be different if you were a different school, place, etc.? love your blog and hoping you are safe rn!

Hey! 

Ha yeah I have been on a JOURNEY 

A LONG JOURNEY so it is under a cut (at least I think it is? Sorry if it’s not. Xkit is messing with me here).

I’ve told this story in bits and pieces before because I think I was actively figuring it out for myself at the time, but I think - I hope?? - I finally know what I’m doing, so this is a far fuller picture of my thoughts and experiences from the last few years 

I actually came to law school because I was interested in politics and had some vague thought that people in politics had law degrees, so I could make this work for myself. Before I started law school, our school mailed us a copy of Just Mercy and during my 1L year I worked with the Innocence Project on a case, and then events in my personal life led to the arrest and incarceration of two separate people close to me for offenses that I personally believe should be decriminalized, so I felt passionate about criminal justice and took an internship with a public defenders office. 

The experience wasn’t quite what I thought it would be - my two largest projects were particularly gruesome child pornography defense cases, which was not the work I was interested in doing (and, in retrospect, was a pretty brutal way to introduce a fresh-faced student to public defense work!) - so afterward I cast around aimlessly for a bit. I soon thereafter made law review, and then got an internship with a Federal judge I admired, so I started running in a particular law school circle (law students know the type) and began thinking well, I’m not sure what I want to do, but I now have a very classic big law background, I’ve missed OCI (the on-campus interviewing that happens in the summer after 1L that leads to post-grad jobs in Big Law), but I can start networking and find something that’ll lead me somewhere. 

I grew up poor and can’t lie, I was attracted to the idea of big law money! I figured I’d do it for a few years and if I hated it, soft-exit through a clerkship to something more public interest. But in the meantime, hey it’s good experience and I can pay down my student loans. So I took my third internship in a corporate litigation firm. And again, it just was not for me. The environment of the particular office was very isolating, the work was depressing (foreclosing on people’s homes on behalf of banks! asbestos defense! defending employers in discrimination suits!).

So, I kind of scrapped that second, new plan. It’s hard to say I’d turn down one of those jobs if I managed to land one (we are in a pandemic and oh my god they do pay SO MUCH MONEY and I have SO MUCH DEBT), but it’s not where my values are, not something I could stomach long-term, and it’s not work I’m actively out seeking. I finished my law school internships working for a municipal law firm, thinking that would be a good way to marry my interest in politics with my interest in litigation, but it felt a lot like just working at a private DAs office, which I didn’t realize when I started (somehow!) and didn’t particularly enjoy. Just felt like the majority of the work I was doing was litigating punitive laws against the citizenry that I didn’t particularly care for. 

Which brings me to now. Three-week post-grad Kit. Hello! Sounds like I’ve still got no fucking clue what I’m doing, but I promise you I have sorted it out now. None of those roles was the exact position I was looking for (well, the judge’s chambers were pretty great) but each taught me enough about what I am looking for that I’m feeling comfortable about my next steps. Notably, I learned that I enjoy litigation a LOT (I did a transactional drafting clinic at school just to dip my toes into those waters to make sure I wasn’t missing out on anything and oh boy, I was not) and I learned from topics that I did not enjoy litigating what I might actually enjoy litigating. In particular, there were several times when I found the law I was working with particularly invigorating but wished that I was doing the plaintiff’s side work on those topics. These areas include torts and employment law cases, but I have also had some exposure to zoning and affordable housing work that I really enjoyed. I also worked as a Tort Law TA for two years, so I think just really freaking enjoy torts. I have also had more exposure to criminal justice work and recently have been rejecting that I didn’t apply to the public defender's office in my region during their last round of hiring. 

I am not currently looking for a job (seems like a waste to pour so much into it when clearly nobody is hiring right now) other than glancing vaguely to make sure I’m not missing anything huge, but once I’ve taken the bar exam I’m going to start earnestly seeking plaintiff’s side litigation positions or if I can get it, misdemeanor criminal defense (again, would love to be a public defender, but I have slightly missed the boat there for now). My downstairs neighbor is an attorney at a small firm that does plaintiff's side civil litigation and defendant’s side criminal defense and I would be thrilled if I could land something similar. I just...want to work with people and not corporations and help those people through some of their worst days, if I can. Personal Injury attorneys get a bad rap, but I’m telling you, I fucking love Torts and I genuinely believe there is a public good in helping harmed parties recover expenses from their injuries from wrongdoers.

I think when people hear “public interest” their first thought is non-profit or governmental work, but it’s broader than that. The clinics at my school are all considered “public interest” and some were in areas of law like intellectual property. It’s not about where you work, but the clients you serve. I think I would prefer the kind of firm work I have outlined above to any kind of non-profit because non-profits have more narrow missions and usually work in a more narrow legal capacity (i.e. the ACLU does entirely civil rights law, meanwhile the small firm my neighbor works at that I’ve already used as a point of reference does civil rights cases in addition to family law, securities regulation for some reason, personal injury, etc), but honestly, it would be a privilege to work for a principled non-profit, so I wouldn’t say no to that either. 

So that’s where I’m at. It’s been a ride. I’m tired? Is that from the personal journey or is that from typing out six paragraphs about the personal journey? I came to law school because I felt strongly about my own personal values and thought I would like to translate those values into policy. I learned while at law school that litigation is as important an agent for change and protection of the oppressed as legislation and also learned that honestly guys, I am really freaking good at oral arguments and litigation briefs, so I’ve pivoted to this lane. Went on a long journey and it basically took me back to where I started. It’s almost annoying I was so derailed because I could have gotten some great Plaintiff’s side experience while in school, but I didn’t know what I was doing and was flailing openly, casting around. I’m just happy I figured it out now. 

[kuchee]

novelty / 2.7k / read on ao3; back on the trash train for a festive theme 🎁 right on time for @styleweek day 6 - holiday!

Kyle curses under his breath and backspaces several times. It's hard to write a text with only his thumbs poking out of his gloves, but he's damned if he's going to actually take them off in the freezing cold.

To: Stan 1.11PM

Can you come over and keep me company while I fry a gajillion donuts for my mom?

To: Stan 1.13PM

please?

There's no point in being annoyed about the situation–– it's not like he had any actual plans for today, other than mentally steeling himself for the family gathering tonight. Frying donuts is as good an activity as any to pass the time. He's always dreaded this time of year, when his mother hosts her extended family for the evening, usually on the first night of Hanukkah. Kyle gets saddled with the responsibility of making nice with dull cousins and answering invasive questions from aunts about his future. Last year he'd even gotten a couple of pointed remarks regarding hypothetical girlfriends.

The food is almost worth it, however.

He glances down to the miserably empty tote bag slung from his shoulder as he digs his keys out of his coat pocket. His failed attempt at gift shopping this morning is another reminder of how woefully strange the holidays are for him. He doesn't even know why he tried to get Stan a present. They don't do this normally–– it's no one's birthday. He just thought, it's different now. It's what a boyfriend should do, right? As a good boyfriend, he should be getting Stan a present, because Stan likes Christmas, and Stan loves presents. He was that kid who would be thrilled every year when his parents let him open one on Christmas Eve, even though they'd be like, pajamas, every time.

A string of buzzes makes his phone jump on the counter while he's untying his shoes.

Ma 1.17PM

You're an angel :)

Ma 1.16PM

Dough is covered on the dining table, pans in the cupboard above the sink.

Stan 1.14PM

Be there in 20. Want anything from store

Both texts make him smile through the mild distress haunting him since morning, the realisation that he has no idea what the fuck to get for Stan. While he's worrying about presents, Stan's still repeating the same line from when they were fifteen.

He knows where the dough is, he spied it before he left this morning, and presently he's attempting not to quail at the thought of getting through that amount. His mom had called while he was in the car–– she's out with Dad getting a few last-minute items from the warehouse store out of town, and an accident on the highway has put them an hour behind schedule, possibly more.

He doesn't mind. Living away for real has made him starkly aware of how little responsibility he had while living at home, and more than that, he wants to help out, especially if Stan comes to keep him company. These dinners stress his mom out, too.

Kyle gathers everything he needs, and at the last moment, decides to put on an apron. He doesn't want to have to change into anything else for tonight. He thinks he knows how to make the donuts, he's watched his mom do it through the years and helped her on occasion. She certainly assumed he did. His hands are sticky with dough when he hears footsteps in the corridor. He glances at his phone. Fifteen minutes, not twenty.

Stan enters the kitchen with a brief "hey, dude," and a smile that's probably less starry-eyed than the way Kyle's interpreting it.

The cold from outside radiates off him, but it's not enough to quell the urge Kyle gets to lean over and squeeze him. He settles on a smile, raising powdery white hands to show why he can't do more.

Stan promptly empties his backpack (firm on this front; he'd been the one to wean Kyle off plastic bags): chocolate chip cookies, a couple protein bars, and a bag of chips that he opens up, offering one up to Kyle's mouth.

Kyle eyes the flavouring on the packet, bacon cheddar, and then Stan, pointedly. "Really? Of all days?"

Stan rolls his eyes. "They're vegan. And like you care, anyway."

Kyle leans forward and takes it, and then two more, hoping this doesn't mean that Stan is attempting that again. His cheeks burn belatedly as he chews, with the dawning understanding that Stan just fed him, and they didn't do that before, but by the time he realises it, Stan has ducked away to the coffee maker.

"I thought you'd wanna be out," he says beneath the crinkle of the bag of chips. "Don't you need time to charge up before tonight?"

"I was out shopping. But my mom's stuck in traffic so she needs me to help her get ahead on preparations."

Stan nods his acknowledgement, and if he can read any hesitancy in Kyle's tone about his morning activities, he doesn't mention it. "Anything I can help with?"

"Can you dig out the lights? They should be in a box in the living room."

Stan returns with said box a minute later, dumping it on the counter a few paces from Kyle. Kyle's almost finished cutting out circles of donuts by now. They work side by side in silence. Kyle drums his fingers and watches the meter rise on the thermometer he sticks in the oiled pan, while Stan untangles the sets of fairy lights. Kyle's wondering if he should just give in and ask Stan "what they're doing about presents," when Stan speaks up and interrupts the thought.

"Are you coming for Christmas? My mom really wants you to come this year." The acute stare Stan directs his way indicates more than that – it's asking, does she know about us? Kyle wouldn't mind if she did, and he tells Stan as much through an easy nod. But it's still one step closer to his parents knowing, and he doesn't know if he wants to deal with that yet. Maybe after the holidays.

"I'll see," he says, giving up on the thermometer, which seems to be stuck at 300 no matter how high he turns up the heat. "For sure if my parents are away. But they might wanna spend more time together after Ike gets here." Ike––luckiest bastard in the whole town-–gets to skip the Hanukkah dinner because his vacation only starts a few days after. Kyle wishes he was still in college, just for that.

Suddenly, Stan lets out a surprised huff of laughter. Kyle turns to see him lifting a sprig of something olive green out of the box. It's an artificial mistletoe decoration with a huge, garish red ribbon wrapped around the stem.

"Dude, why do you even have this?" Stan says laughingly, lifting it in the air.

Kyle shakes his head at the absurd trinket. "I think Ike was trying to convince some girl to kiss him in high school. Probably." Stan nods but doesn't put it down, twiddling it between his thumb and forefinger with a distant expression. Kyle watches him from the corner of his eye. "What?" He smiles slyly, but it easily devolves into a snigger. "You thinking about whether you might finally get a hot girl to kiss you?"

"Blow me," Stan says without missing a beat. He smirks, but only for a moment. He puts the mistletoe down and turns to Kyle, that pensive look back in his eyes. "I really want you to come, too," he says. "I think– I'm pretty sure she does know," he glances at the ground, and then back up at Kyle again. "And I don't know, the way she was asking, and the way I answered, it was different than normal. It's like if you came, I'd be confirming it." He smiles, "Also, I need you there to drive me off a cliff when Dad starts getting drunk and trying to be buddies with Shelly's boyfriend twenty minutes into dinner."

That's fair reasoning, too. It's what he did last year, except it was up into the mountains, not off the edge of a cliff.

"Dude," Kyle says, turning to face him too, a little stunned at how shy Stan seems over this. It's not really a big deal, because Stan's mom is like, a sensible person, and they are close, but that just makes it prod warmer in Kyle's chest. Flour be damned. He puts his arms around Stan's shoulders, avoiding touching anything with his hands. "I'll come."

Stan squeezes him, his arms drawing tight and so warm around Kyle's waist, travelling up to his back. Kyle sighs contentedly. So that was a conversation. Sort of.

Stan leans his chin over Kyle's shoulder. "Also, your oil is burning."

Kyle pulls away, making a sound of utter annoyance. By the time he's got everything under control––and yes, maybe the donuts are looking a little too brown, whatever, they'll still be delicious–– Stan has returned to untangling lights. Kyle feels a little bad for giving him such a tedious task and thinks about swapping for the next round of dough-cutting and frying.

The next thing Stan finds in that box puts it out of his mind completely. Stan gapes. "Holy shit, dude. I made this."

He holds up a transparent plastic bauble in his palm, the size of a tennis ball, maybe a little bigger. "Dude," Kyle says, staring in wonder as the memory returns. It must have been something like fourth grade, when they were doing 'fill your own baubles' in class. Kyle had been irritated. It was right at the time he was becoming fully aware of just how pervasive this Christmas fervour was, and really only starting to be clued in that maybe it was that that made him feel so alone this time of year. A little estranged, uneasy, but nothing he could pinpoint to blame for it. Until he really thought about it. Kyle had spent the whole afternoon angrily snipping paper into non-denominational snowflakes, stuffing them into a cheap husk of a bauble that was too small in the end, for his creation to look anything like he wanted it to. Seething inside about if any of these teachers in this stupid school realised not everyone had stupid trees to hang stupid baubles off of, not everyone cared.

Stan hadn't gotten it – come to think of it, he had barely been paying attention – when Kyle ranted about it the day before. Kyle was too absorbed in his resentment to even talk to him during class. But afterwards, when he was stomping his way home, Stan had caught up with him, snow crunching wildly under his boots. Kyle turned to bark a warning at him not to run so he wouldn't slip, a recent careless injury of Stan's fresh and alive in his mind, but by the time he did, Stan was inches from him, panting, his gloved hands outstretched.

"Kyle, I made you this," he had said, breathless. "I know you're sick of all the Christmas shit."

Kyle looks at the bauble in Stan's palm now. It's a snowglobe. Stan had turned the bauble upside down, no string, and steadied the base with cardboard and tape. Tiny pieces of polystyrene snow littered the bottom. A minuscule toy car Stan had carried in his pocket once or twice was parked next to the flat facade of a house, coloured with thick marker ink– Kyle's house. Stan had been at the very cusp of a goth phase, which explained why the colours weren't exactly bright enough to recognise, but the stick-figure of Kyle standing by the door had resolved any doubt.

Kyle laughs delightedly at the memory and Stan holds it closer to the light from above the cooker so he can observe it, an identical grin plastered on his face. The scene has been dislodged a little from where everything initially was, from the years of being jostled around in the box, and the craftsmanship is a little less impressive than he had found it to be age eight, but the glowing warmth that had struck him, standing with Stan in the snow halfway to the bus stop in that grey afternoon, is unmistakable. Just as striking now as it was then.

Kyle thinks he's made peace with all the bells and whistles of the Christmas season; he's learnt to sympathise with the sentiment, if not the expression, of the way it fevers over a small town like this. People just need something to get them out of the routine, that's all.

His hands are oily so he doesn't want to take the snowglobe, get grease all over it, even noting how ridiculous that might sound referring to a decade-old flimsy school project. Instead his eyes dart around, spotting the mistletoe––considerably less valuable–– and he picks it up with a bashful smile in an attempt to convey what he's feeling.

"Seriously?" Stan's laughing again.

"Yes," Kyle says, grinning, glowing. It's not often he feels like he can catch Stan off guard with this kind of thing.

"Dumbass," Stan declares, before crossing the space between, a feeble attempt at a beleaguered sigh lost in yet more laughs.

Stan kisses him with both hands around his face, direct, unusual. It might be partly a way to avoid all the oil on Kyle's apron – his fastidious cleanliness in every other aspect of life never seemed to translate to any sort of ability in the kitchen. Kyle knows he's smiling dopily when Stan takes a step back, his cheeks a now-familiar red under the harsher lights above the cooker. They look at each other until Kyle has to stop to look at the donuts.

He speeds through another batch, and finally, all the frying is done. Once he has the sugar prepared to dust them, Kyle stops, brushes his hands down on his apron and says, "Stan, do I get you something? For Christmas? Is that a thing we're doing?"

After a few seconds, Stan says, thoughtfully, "I do have something for you."

Kyle gives a nervous laugh. He thought right– it is what they're doing now. But did Stan think he had to now, because they're in a relationship, or does it feel more natural for him, and did he know what to get Kyle–– or is he overthinking it?

Because Stan is smiling, and then his shoulders are shaking, and then he's laughing. It's not mean–– but Kyle doesn't feel like he's in the know, either.

"What?"

"I have an idea for a gift," he says. "Or you could say–" he coughs surreptitiously, advancing on Kyle. "-a favour." Stan leans forward and tilts his chin into a lingering kiss.

Oh. Well.

When Kyle's done enjoying that, he says, "You dick. I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation here."

Stan blinks. "So am I," he says innocently. "Please respect my Christmas traditions, Kyle."

"Fuck off."

"Fine, what about Hanukkah?" Stan asks, still too close for comfort, and still with that trace of embarrassment around the edges of his voice.

"It's not even about presents," Kyle emphasises, rolling his eyes.

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I was getting you," Stan says, the stare through his lashes over-the-top and playful. His arms circle Kyle, braced on the counter either side of him. Kyle's embarrassed to admit it still works. Some other feeling is decidedly overtaking his burgeoning hunger from the smell of donuts.

"What?" he demands, eyes level with Stan's.

Stan tilts his head back. "Well since you don't want them…"

"What?" Kyle breathes again, and finds himself hoping with only a little shame that the traffic is still hellish out there. He lets his hand wander in the vicinity of Stan's pelvis, come back up and stop flat above his stomach, close to his quickening heart.

"Well I was gonna blow you, um, eight times."

Kyle can't help how his eyes widen.

"For every day of Hanukkah," Stan says. His voice wavers with the effort not to laugh, "that's– that's how it works, right?"

Kyle collects himself before he can burst out laughing at the ridiculousness – not an easy task. He manages to smirk despite the heat pooling fast in his face from the, uh, generosity of Stan's gift idea. "So, is that my present or yours?"

Stan's expression remains remarkably cool at his retort; Kyle is surprised to read only a little embarrassment in it. Asshole. He coughs and smiles, leaning into Kyle, "Does it matter? It's the thought that counts, dude."

[calamitynight]

Yosano x Dazai | smut

A/N: I for some reason felt like writing something with this pairing. Ik it's not one of the big talked about ships, it's a rare pair actually, but I think if they actually spoke with one another, they would get along well...anyway this ended up becoming a smut and my first smut at that. I think it came out really well. So I'm nervous, but quite proud of myself, I guess. I can't come up with a title for it. No matter how hard I try and I really want to upload it onto my AO3 and FF...so if anyone has any recommendations for a title please totally comment. If not, I'll eventually figure it out. ANYWAY!...I hope you guys like this...

Words: 4k

Dazai walked into a dim lighted office. He was surprised to see that the building was not empty at such a late hour. He walked over to his coworker that was slouched down onto her desk. Mountains of paperwork resided on each sides of her. He watched quietly as she rapidly wrote on the pages. He could barely make out what the words were saying. She had the script capability that assured you, she is indeed a doctor. He soon leaned in close to her ear and whispered.

"Yosano san"

She moved with great speed, making him lose his balance. Yosano had him pinned down onto the desk behind her. Her fingers wrapped around his throat and the others held a scalpel against his skin. Dazai let out a smug smirk as he watched her eyes open with realization. She let go of him and slammed her scalpel down on the table. She brushed herself off and regained her composure.

"You're completely insane to creep up on someone like this. Still, I apologize"

"You really have it in you. I never get to team up with you, that sure was thrilling" he responded in his giddy tone. He could have moved whenever he wanted to, but he didn't see the fun in that.

"What are you doing here so late at night?" She asked as she sat back down.

"I came to retrieve a book I left behind today" Yosano had rolled herself back toward her desk. She responded with a short hum and processed with her work. "Do you work this late often?"

"Occasionally, I am not a fan of Kunikida's scoldings in the morning. So I get as much as I can done" she looked down to peak at the tittle of the book Dazai was holding. "Poisonous plants, huh-"

"I was thinking about mixing some of these into my tea tonight" he sounded so happy, she just couldn't understand.

"Death by poison, congratulations"

"This might be it. Guess you will know if I don't come in tomorrow"

"You rarely come in as it is" Yosano shot back and he chuckled.

"That is true. See you around, Doctor"

He made it towards the door, his palm grazing the knob before being stopped.

"Wait" she called out. He turned slightly to look at her from the corner of his eyes. She had rolled herself around. He could see her fully underneath the one dim light. "How about we have a drink, before you finally off yourself" she leaned into her desk to take out an unopened bottle of wine with two glasses.

"I suppose, one last drink wouldn't hurt"

He sat on the chair beside her and rolled himself around to face her completely. Handing him a glass she opened the bottle and filled it with ease. "What was the occasion for this bottle suppose to have been?" He asked, never taking his eyes off of her.

"There was none. Sometimes we run out of drinks when we host parties, that's all"

"I always tend to forget how much you adore drinking"

"It's greatly needed sometimes"

He took a sip out of his drink, but still kept his eyes on her. He watched as she softly twirled the glass in her fingers. She stared deeply into the red colored wine. He had clearly guessed that something was weighing on her mind. He just couldn't understand why it was him she had chosen to be around.

"What are you thinking?" He finally asked. It bothered him how he couldn't figure it out.

She looked up at him, she acknowledge his question, it took her some time to answer. She turned up the glass and drank all her wine. Setting the cup down on the desk beside her, away from her work, she sighed.

"Ironically..." she took a pause. "- Suicide"

"Yosano san!" She was taken aback suddenly by Dazai's actions. He had lounged towards her from his seat. His hands gripped on both her arm rest. Their faces were inches apart. "If you're thinking about that, don't do it alone. We could have the most beautiful double suicide together. Of course! this is why you wanted to be alone with me. This drink truly is a celebration" she let out a scuff before busting out into laughter.

The historia has completely taken over her. He dropped his body back down onto his seat as he watched her. She appeared happy, if she were thinking about that, he wondered why? She gleamed as she laughed, tears ran down her face and she whipped them away. She started catching her breath, soon she opened her eyes.

"You are an idiot, honestly" she laughed a little more. "That is not what I meant at all. Still, I'm not surprised in the least with your thought process"

"Then what exactly do you mean by thinking of suicide?" She picked up the wine bottle and tipped it over. She took a big gulp out of it. "No point of the glass, I see"

"There was this job, before the agency..." she drunk again. "I'm sorry, there was this man. I was suppose to save him. I promised him that I would save him, but I didn't make it" Dazai took the bottle as she tried to tip it one more time. "It's hard to sleep at night, sometimes he haunts me. So I come here and I drown myself in work"

"That explains it. You have months of work finished already" he took a sip of the bottle himself. "What happened to him?"

"Turns out I can't save people who want to die-he committed suicide, hanging- he died before I could get to him. I was too late"

"This man, was he a lover? Was he someone precious?"

"He was-my dear friend"

He could see the pain in her eyes. Those words pulled a cord inside of him. Before he knew it he was thinking of his old dear friend too. It may be different lives, but they shared the same sorrow. He never believed something like this could be possible.

"We're the same, you and I" Dazai commented.

"No one knows anything about your life. It's hard to believe that we are in any form equals"

"We all have our dark pass we wish not to speak of. I have lost a dear friend too. I too was too late to save him. I think of him often, but I don't associate him with any form of hauntings"

"Is that why you want to die so badly?"

"Is that why you're always drinking?"

"Ha!- got me there"

Dazai trace his eyes along her body as she threw herself back onto the desk. Her shirt was unbuttoned and he could see the beginning lace of her black bra. Her tie laid on top of her chest, as she unfastened it earlier. Her skin glowed from its pale color, it possessed porcelain smoothness. She breathed softly and he watched as her chest calmly arose up and down. He had never had the pleasure to see her in the act of healing someone. He recalled all the stories he has been told about her. The way she seductively took off her shirt. The way her lips curled into a smile and she chuckled as she cut everyone open. The image of that seemed to truly get him excited. He moved his sight down towards her legs as they crossed on top one another. She always wore a long knee length skirt, but he could only invision the legs she hid underneath. Her black tights wrapped around her legs perfectly. Leaving only a small stretch to show off her skin. The red heels she wore with such a plain elegant outfit showcased a side of her he for some reason wanted to discover. He never bothered to learn much about the agencies Doctor. She was a friend to him and the others, but she couldn't heal him, so there were never any motives to get close to her. She was a beautiful and dangerous woman; Yet she was vulnerable and weak in her own way. He wondered how this night ended up like this. It began with an exciting encountered and twisted into a pit of sorrowful recollections. He looked back up towards her face. Her cheeks had turned red from the warm alcohol. Her neck was long as she stretched it out. Hair softly falling off her shoulders. The lashes of her eyes held a glisten to them, she must have let out a small tear. Her lips were a tint of pink. The sight of her was graceful and he wondered why he never noticed before.

"Forgive me, I've kept you from your plans"

"I appear to be having fun right here and now" Dazai questioned, but it was a true statement. "I talk about how much I wish to die every day, does that bother you?"

"I've grown accustomed to the weirdness of the people who walk past that door. In times like these your words aren't the most comforting, truth be told" she unbutton her shirt a little more and began to fan herself. The alcohol was finally setting within her. "If there was a way to make you want to live for at least one more day, would you consider it?"

"Depends, what are you offering?"

"I wish to know more about you, before you're gone from this world. I want to unlock the mysteries that are Osamu Dazai"

"Why the sudden interest?"

"You said that you and I are alike. I would like to know in which way" she stood up from her seat and walked towards him. She soon caught him off guard as she straddled him. "I'll give you the one pleasure there is in this world, one that can only be attained between two people. Perhaps that'll make you stay just a little while longer"

He gave her a smirk. The smirk of amusement and his eyes stared at her in agreement. She leaned down closing the space between them. She waited for any sign of rejection, but he didn't give her one. Their lips soon pressed against each others. It was a full open mouth kiss. Passionate and seductive, he could taste the mixture of sweet and bitter cherry wine on her tongue. The way she clinged onto him reflected how starved she was for this. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and she grind herself softly against him. She tasted delicious and he couldn't resist the temptation that was above him. The friction was beginning to get a reaction from him. It turned her on, he felt the vibrations go down his throat as she let out a moan. She was a beautiful woman, an older and more experienced woman. These thoughts alone made him want to hear her even more. What kind of sounds would she make for him. What kind of screams could he make her release. She moved her hands underneath his jacket and took it off. They soon grabbed a hold of his bolo tie. The sound of it echoed as it hit the floor and she began to unbutton his shirt. He pulled her tie off from around her neck. Holding it in one hand, he grabbed a hold of her wrist with the other. She pulled away and looked at him. Her eyes were blurred from the excitement. He smirked once again and tied her wrist up with her tie.

"I dont want you getting too ahead of yourself" he commented as he looked at her full revealed cleavage.

She let out a chuckle. "Then please, lead the way" she shoved him fully back against the chair for him to get a better view.

He let go of his grab on her wrist and softly planted his hands on her waist. Her shirt unraveled from behind as he gripped and untucked it from her skirt. His imagination has been driving him crazy since the beginning. As his cold hands landed onto her warm soft bare back, he knew he wouldn't be able to control himself much longer. Dazai slid his hand straight up her back and she trembled underneath his touch. He felt the goosebumps form on her skin and the shiver vibrations on his crotch. He slid them to the front and began to unbutton her shirt one by one. He began with the bottom button and worked himself up. As he watched the last button come out of its hole he noticed this view was not enough. He wanted, no he needed her spread out, he needed a more open view. Landing his palms on her thighs he gripped them and carried her up. She threw her arms around his shoulders in surprise. She felt light as he carried her. She wrapped her legs around him, which made him twitch. He was considerate enough of her work and moved her towards another table. Surely only one table was unoccupied from any type of work and that would be his. He dropped her off on top of it and watched her lay down. This was it, as she threw her hands over her head everything was now in hindsight. Her shirt opened and revealed her black laced bra. The choosing of her under clothing made him think she was waiting on something like this to happen. Grabbing a hold of her knees he spread her legs open. Even underneath her tights he could see her matching panties. Pushing himself in between her legs he leaned down to kiss her. She sucked him in immediately, she was hungry and couldn't wait any longer. He began to trail himself down from her chin to her neck. She ran her fingers through her hair and her heavy breathing began. That wasn't enough, not for him. Grabbing the middle of her bra he pulled it up. Her breast softly fell out of the cups. He moved his lips down towards her pink colored nipples. He bit gently and listened to every reaction he received. He sucked and licked until he felt them rise. Moving his hand down towards the inside of her skirt he grabbed a hold of her inner tigh. Yosano let out a moan when he unexpectedly pinched her. Soon leading to him ripping the fabric of her tights. Dazai began to rub his finger on her labia from the thinnest of her panties. It amazes him how wet she's gotten from such little contact. Thrusting herself upward Yosano proclaimed she couldn't wait any longer.

"Someone is quite inpatient"

"Come now, being teased by a man younger than me" he pinched and rubbed at her clit. She shivered and moan. "Sleeping with me must be a dream-You're surely taking advantage of"

"I'm a man that enjoys the pleasures in life. I want to view every part of you"

Yosano covered her red shaded face from embarrassment. He snickered as he began to plant kisses down her body. He rubbed and teased at her clit as she shivered from his touch. He inserted the first finger. She jolted up and her moans let out louder. That's it, indulge him inside of this room with your sounds. That was what Dazai wanted. Her walls clench on his finger as he thrusts in and out of her. Licking and biting on her inner thigh, the once hidden legs now belonged to him. As he inserted the second finger he slipped his tongue on her clitoris. With no hesitation she grabbed at his hair. She melted from the movements of his tongue. He could feel her toes curling as her legs rested over his shoulders. She was getting louder and louder, so his fingers penetrated her faster. That was until she covered her mouth. He stopped once he heard the muffled sounds of her moans. Causing her to whimper and look down at him.

"D-Dazai" she called out with a pant. Her chest elevating up and down with rapid speed. His brown eyes had a darker tint shes never seen before. A switch of dominance had turned active on the man before her.

"Don't cover your mouth. I want to hear every sound"

"What if someone hears us"

"We're all alone here" he slowly pushed his fingers in. "I want to hear the sounds as I take over your body" he went in further. With a whimper she nodded her head in agreement. His lips curled up in a smile. "That's it, wouldn't want to keep our good doctor unsatisfied"

Yosano tightly wrapped her legs around him as he went back down on her. Her body arched itself as it prepared for its release. She let out a sound of total satisfaction. Dazai took all of it in, every last bit of her. He pulled himself up, bridging on top of her body. The red color of her cheeks and chest, he could feel the heat emitting from her. He couldn't help but grin at her. In a slow motion he decided to untie her. Her hands quickly grabbed a hold of his pants. The sound of his zipper being pulled down was all he needed. As his pants fell down she took in the size of his bulge into her hands. Her eyes came back at him as she began to play with him. The sensation made him whimper, he had held back for too long. She pulled him out, showcasing her joy with his size. She began to stroke him, but she was holding back as she began with the thumb and index finger. It wasn't enough so he pushed himself forward. Yosano smirked, was it her time to tease him? That wouldn't do, but he let her continue. Slowly adding more pressure with the addition of her other fingers she stroke with a faster pace. She hit every nerve of his soft spots. She toyed with him with the knowledge she controlled. He felt himself about to give out. He felt himself becoming weak to her touch. Dazai grabbed her hand and pinned her down. He breathed heavily as he stared at her. The satisfaction was radiant on her face.

"Heh- you damn doctor"

Now standing straight before her, she licked her lips of the thought of him inside her. He pulled off her ripped tights and her panties came off with them. His eyes lingered on her for a couple seconds. He was falling victim to a witch doctors body. Taking himself into his hand he put himself in position. His tip barely touched her vulva before she let out her begging moans. He pushed through and entered her, she arched up once more. Letting go of her hands he slammed his down above her shoulders and beside her head. He began to move slowly, pleasure filling both of their expressions. Wrapping her arms around him, she clinged on to him. As she moaned into his ear he thrust faster into her. She pulled at the back of his shirt, tugged at it as he penetrated her. It began to slip down his shoulders and the cool breeze caused him to shiver. Her fingers found their way underneath his bandages, she felt him grow inside her as her nails dug into his skin. He accelerated from the sensation of brief pain. Yosano smirked and chuckled at the knowledge, it was nothing to be amazed about. Shoving her face into his neck she used her teeth to losen his bandage. He slowed down a bit, but processed as she began to leave bites on him. The harder she bite, the harder he thrusted. The room filled with moans from the both of them. Sweat dripped from their faces as they stared into each others eyes. This was a paring that no one could ever see happen, but it was a paring made for each other. Dazai was too zoned in with the feeling of pleasure. He felt himself on the brink, but was brought back as his bandages slid from his shoulders. He pushed the both of them down towards the desk. Pulling out of her, she whimpered once more. Without warning he flipped her around, she let out a moaning scream as he slipped back into her from behind. Her hands gripped at the edges of his desk. The creaking of the desk left behind scratch marks on the wooden floor. She pushed herself back up against his chest. She panted as her lips pressed against his. One arm wrapped around his neck, holding him towards her. She moaned into him, he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Yo-sano-san" he tightened against her as her walls clenched one last time. He dug his face into her neck as she released one last screaming moan.

Her body dropped onto the desk, moans were exchanged by her deep breathing. He pulled out of her slowly, his warm semen following suit. He watched her privates pulse and a satisfied smirk stained his lips. Pushing her body up and away from the desk, her skirt fell, covering her legs. He watched as she pulled her bra back down in place and her shirt laid perfectly on her shoulders. Her tie went into her pocket, and she bent down to retrieve her underwear and torn off tights. Dazai followed behind her as he pulled his pants up and fixed his shirt. Some of his bandages fell lose from his skin. He cleared his throat as Yosano began to walk towards her desk. Grabbing her wine bottle and cups, she put them back into their hiding spot.

"So, do you accept my offer?" Her voice was now calm and collected, but he could no longer imagine anything else than her broken underneath him. She pressed his hard covered book against his chest. "It's your choice"

He couldn't believe such a trivial thing could make him stray away from what he wanted most. At this moment he was feeling more alive than usual. He had learned much from the doctor out of this act of intimacy. She smiled at him as she began to walk to the door. That smile was sly and brilliant.

"Lock up behind me, will you?" Opening the door wide, she slipped right out.

Without hesitation Dazai dumped his book in her bin, soon following Yosano out the door.

Extended ending:

"Looks like you didn't manage to kill yourself this time, Dazai" Kunikida spoke as he took off Dazai's headphones. "You're even here early, must be the end of the world"

"I guess so, I slept pretty well last night" he smiled widely.

"Dazai san, I found your book in Yosano's trash bin" Atsushi put the book down before him.

"Thank you, Atsushi. Speaking of our dear doctor, is she here yet?"

"She's in the infirmary"

"Great!" Jumping up with glee he headed to the infirmary. He watched her as she organized everything in complete silence. She didn't feel his presence and a part of him wanted her to feel more than just that. As she finished wrapping up, she jumped once she saw him. "Good morning, Yosano san"

"Ha, looks like you didn't go along with it"

"Did you expect me to?" He pouted.

"There's no telling with you, but this is still just as good"

"I'm here quite early, how about a little pick me up?" He slowly began to close the door, but was stopped as she grabbed a hold of it. Smiling up at him, with a pity stare, he knew the meaning of her expression.

"I'm sorry, but I have a lot of work to get done"

"It's early in the morning, how much work could you possibly have?"

"I would like to inform you that most of us do work when we're here" she chuckled at his defeated behavior. "Besides today is-"

"AKIKOOO-" Ranpo could be heard calling out for her. "Akiko where are you!? I'm already out of snacks!"

"It's grocery day, so I can't be slacking off or else our dear Ranpo will die" she walked out, leaving Dazai alone in her infirmary. After a couple seconds he heard the sound of her heals walk back to the door way. "I wouldn't mind some help. Care for a little adventure?" She smirked connivingly as she walked out once again, with Dazai joyfully behind her.

A/N: I added an extended ending cause I feel like I could do more stuff with them :p

[kittywolves]

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!! 

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute 

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die 

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama 

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes:  a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE 

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples 

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels:  F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R  T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses 

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday 

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!! 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off 

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep 

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs.... 

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no, 

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games 

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio 

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils 

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

[saigebeaumontt]

( danielle rose russell, cisfemale, she/her ) I, FREYA KAVINSKY am a SCHOLARSHIP student and would hereby like to submit my application to Kingswood Boarding School. I am SEVENTEEN years old and will be a JUNIOR. I would describe myself as HEARTFELT and EAGER, but also UNINHIBITED and PIGHEADED which I plan to work on during my time here. This is my request to join the VICTORIA building as a house MEMBER and look forward to hearing back from you.

im trash ik but here’s a brand new baby to play w!! her pinterest can be found HERE pls ignore the photos of crystal reed, that’s freya’s original fc sdfghj

tw; death, drug/alcohol abuse? w/ implications of self destruction

so first thing’s first, freya was born n raised in chicago alongside her father and her older sister

her mother had died during freya’s birth--though freya doesn’t...blame herself, necessarily, there are days where she imagines what life would’ve been like if her mother was still alive

her dad’s a mechanic and the sole provider for their household, which meant that he was gone more often than not

regardless, he tried to be as active as possible in his children’s lives

her sister always took up the role of..well, mother, in a sense

freya and her are incredibly close b/c of this

even so--her father had wanted them to be as active as possible, as out of the house as he was--so it didn’t seem like he was gone as much as he was

so, with a few strings pulled and familial connections, freya was able to attend ballet lessons at a young age, alongside an instrument of her choosing, at a discounted price

she chose violin btw...very relevant

and like, to everybody’s surprise--she sort of excelled at both--it almost came naturally, though that didn’t mean she hadn’t put in a buncha effort regardless, y’know

practice makes perfect, yadda yadda

took up a few more instruments for fun, such as piano and like...i dunno, guitar of various forms (including bass guitar) though she likes violin the best

that led to her attending a p prestigious performing arts high school in her city--which wasn’t done by pulling strings

her father worked even more shifts, her sister got a job to help pitch in, they took out loans, yadda yadda. anything they could do so she could pursue this...dream

except...ballet and violin has never been freya’s dream--its just something she happens to be good at

everybody just...assumed, that since she was so talented, she had to want to pursue it

not the case at all, really. she loves it, really, but...her passion has always surrounded animals

specifically marine animals, which is odd considering freya had never seen the ocean before

really...marine anything, she loves. maybe it’s because its something she hasn’t experienced , but ykno

ANYWAYS

she felt sort of...stuck, b/c she never wanted to disappoint her dad or her sister or any of their family friends who were all rootin’ for her

this led to some...rebellion, of sorts, when she was a freshmen

nothing...BAD, per say, but y’know. baseball bats to mailboxes whilst hanging out of the window of a pick-up truck, vandalizing abandoned buildings and historical monuments, shoplifting from convenience stores.

okay so like...a little bad

that was just the crowd she found herself in, y’know, in her teenage angst

has definitely been arrested a few times, but has always managed to get off scotch free ??

it’s luck, im telling u. she only has like..three things on her record rn

ALSO learned how to ride a motorcycle and was in a punk band based in her school n did bass for it, ‘cos that’s what rebellious teenagers do n whatever

and this, well, y’know. did disappoint her father and her sister and all their family friends but at this point freya was like ?? i can’t stop

her boyfriend at the time was a major contributor to her troublemaking tbh

when he transferred to kingswood, freya’s lil 15 yr old heart was broken.

spent her entire sophomore yr working her ass off and getting her shit together so that kingswood would look at her, and pick her, too--

and like...it finally paid off, y’know? her junior year they’d graciously given her a scholarship based off of her music AND academics

so she was absolutely thrilled

granted, she was only able to start attending halfway thru her junior year, at the beginning of the second semester...but she was there, at least, right?

very ecstatic to find her boyfriend and surprise him

they’d been doing long distance, and he had no idea that she had gotten in

found out his dorm number, walked right up to his door--knocked, and he answered with his shirt off n a number of hickeys on his chest

it was a surprise for both of them lmao

obv. freya is not stupid, if not a lil blinded by love at the time. they broke up, she was heartbroken

sorta shut herself in for a few months ‘cos she was so sad abt it

so it’s kinda like she’s still new, tho it’s been a few months since january

but she’s BACK and she’s POPPIN’ and she acts like it still doesn’t bother her !

but like...it does. it rly does. she’s still mcfreakin’ hurt abt it, she’s just handling it in another way

aka, a lil bit of partying...a lil bit of drinking, casual drug use, hooking up, etc. etc. just bein that bitch, y’know?

ANYWAYS

has always had a lil bit of a tomboy aesthetic ?? despite being a freakin’ ballerina, it just not her aesthetic man

constantly wearin’ dark colors n reds and leather jackets n denim on denim n cuffin’ her pants n whatnot

even brought her motorcycle 2 school w/ her

EXCELS at science, wants to become a marine biologist or smth when she’s older

just...hasn’t told anybody that

DON’T B FOOLED BY HER APPEARANCE THO

she’s not some antisocial punk, okay, she’s not anna

very humble but not in a way where u have to be like ‘ugh u have talent u idiot’ , she just doesn’t like bragging about it ?

even tho her ex is an idiot she’s still glad to be there bc of how prestigious kingswood is

 kinda tries 2 befriend as many ppl as possible ?? she isn’t a people pleaser, though, n it’s sort of like...u get what u get, w/ her

she doesn’t act as if she’s got a whole separate life or nothin’, she balances both her rebellious nature and her talents n w/e

fun fact her mother was a leader of elizabeth but like...does she know? no. does it matter? only to ppl like lilah smh

ANYWAYS AGAIN

i’d consider her like....a gryffindor, to sum up her personality ??

very brave, fearless, can be stupidly reckless. gets herself into trouble even now

prolly is a lil bit of a hoe but we love that for her, okay ??

but also ?? will die for her pals ?? n is very true to herself ??

we call her accidentally messy

neutral good tbh ?? very wholesome person

will take care of u if ur sick, is v protective of those she loves

also doesn’t rly....believe in love rn, or is at least very over the concept.

girl next door ?? i dunno

sometimes...she does these bad things...’cos she thinks she deserves it, in a way?

like she’ll drink too much n get a real bad hangover or do a drug when she knows she’ll have a bad trip

so she’s got a lil bit of self loathing

however she knows it’s a problem

she’s just...not willing 2 do much abt it rn

living her best life lmao

ambivert, will go to parties but will also sit in w/ a book gladly

can b v v stubborn, is in debate b/c she loves...to argue, sometimes sksk

m8 i dunno she’s got layers..like an onion

wanted connections

her...ex would be nice, however it’s prolly better suited to send in as a WC unless there’s a dude from chicago out here whose made the mistake of cheatin’

HOWEVER, i would love pals !! friends of any sort !! she’s friendly !! like her !!

ride or die!

unlikely pals!

good influences!

bad influences!

she’s in a band w/ ezra im p sure

i ALSO would like hook ups!

accidental hookups!

casual hookups!

fwbs ?!?

Bad. hookups!

she’s probably accidentally hooked up w/ somebody’s partner so

enemies ! for w/e reason !

rivals!

frenemies!

fake friends !?

everything!

gimme everything !!

[irl]

i was gonna nix the trauma tonight cos i didnt feel like it but ig im in a silly goofy mood cos here we are anyway 🤪

anyway like truly heed the tw cos idk this ine might get graphic idk man ill try to remember to tag for it but dam dude it may jus go unt lol soz. silly goofy mood 🥴

***trauma dumping

like. ik that all the shit today couldve been prevented if i just. blocked her number. she doesnt have any way to contact me, she doesnt use social media. but i cant

i dont know why i really dont. is it masochism? do i secretly like it every time she texts? do i enjoy the adrenaline rush? i dont fucking know. i feel afraid of her. im not constantly afraid. yea she still affects my daily life but like, shes not On My Mind yknow. but god

when i went to florida last december i was constantly shitting bricks. afraid that she was alrwady back. cos i knew she was supposed to be going back. i was so afraid id see her. till i found oht the night before i left that she still was in missouri. i felt so much relief. wxcept it still wasnt all gone, the fear and anxiety. some small part of me kept buzzing the rest of the night and the next day that id see her, that shed see me. that shed sink her claws in me again and ibwouldnt be able to get away this time

when i told her i was planning on leaving she started. really financially abusing me. more than she already had. i tried to get a part time job that i ended up also being able to get her one too. we were just sign holders. i got to watch netflix for six hours and get paid 25$ an hour for it. it wasnt bad.

every time i got paid shed ask for money and she also stopped paying for gas and for food. she demanded half of my check for “rent” or whatever despite the original “agreement” that she got me under was that id live rent free.

when i got my tax return which was around $700, she took all of it, wasting most of my money on uber eats and shit. saying she was going to pay me back but never did and would get mad if i tried to stand up to it.

my stimulus check went the same way, except i was able to spend a little of that on myself before she decided she wanted jt all and i couldnt even put anything towards savings to leave.

looking back. it shouldve been obvious. i was mad abt it yea but i didnt see it as a form of financial abuse. she had me wearing very thick rose colored glasses

she had me constantly high. if not constantly than as often as she could. she had me drive while i was high guilting me w the fact she couldnt drive, period. she would smoke out of a bong while u was driving past police officers on purpose for the thrill. i hadnt rly ever smoked much because of her

she found me hollowed out by my ex who had taken almost everything from me, including all sense of self. i wasnt allowed to have a self outside of him. he disapproved of everything i did if he didnt like it. im sure i did shit that really fucked him up too tho. i have no idea but like. this was my severely untreated and inflated bpd time. i has no coping methods and so while i was suseptible to trauma and manipulation or whateva i was also like. a horrible person lmao. idk much abt that me cos yknow 🥴amnesia🥴 lol but what i do remember, i dont like.

but i still got fucked up by him. she found me a couple months after he broke up with me and i was left just a completely hollow husk of a person with nothing driving me.

id never rly smoked weed much tbh. i lived in colorado before and after The Great Legalization and i only smoked weed once then. i got crossfaded with a group of friends and a handle of fireball then we went and watched the first deadpool movie in theaters lol

the second

HOL D ON LMAO INTERMISSION COS I GENUINELY WANT TO FUCKING CRITY NOW LMAO LMAO LAMON AMLMAO FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK C UVJ FUCK I TOLD MY FRIEND ABT A SLEIGH BELLS CONCERT AND ASKED HER IF WE COULD GO TOGTHER AND SHE SAID LET ME THINK ABOUT IT AND SHE KNOWS SLEIGH BELLS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING BAND AND I

SHE JUST TEXTED ME LMAO LMAO LMAO SHE ASKED ME FOR THE DATES AGAIN AND I WAS LIKE OHOHO? serves me right for hoping for smth dependent on someone not me. i shouldve learned this fhckinnglesson forever ago LOLOL every time i get hope in something that depends on someone else its alwahs fucking. crhshed. i dont hope for things dependent on other people unless its literally guaranteed like my moms guilt money lol. whatever. its fine “sorry you. cant come wjth me and [redacted] we are going with family frowny face emoji”. like. okay

im not mad at her. genuinely i hope she has fun. but fuck dide. u couldntve fucming. googled it. yourself and then simply not told me ur plans and be like soz boo cant make it. i wouldve rather the fucking. lie. i let my hopes get up. i didnt take anything out on her ofc like id never do that cos like. Yeah. Im Upset. Yeah. Im Angry. but i know im mostly just angry at the situation, not exactly at her. yeah i wouldve apprecisted more tact bht like. at the end of the day its fine. i probably wouldntve been able to afford it

i loved sleigh bells since i was like. a freshman or sophomore. i found them with young legends on some wally west playlist on 8tracks. i was like hm interesting. then somewhere i heard crown on the ground abd my brain started to brr. after that it was a rabbit hole and now ive been to like. three sleigh bells concerts and my favorite most cherished memory ever is from a sleigh bells concert and ibalso got the setlist from that same concert and ive got all but their latest two albums on cd and vinyl and

at my second concert, we were in a basement bar show in aspen colorado. the opening act was tunde olaniran. id never seen or heard him berore. but oh my god it was love at first sight. this man is Drop Dead Gorgeous. he has the voice of an angel. he deserves the world. and then sleigh bells

god dereks guitar is so harsh and whiney but so fucking powerful and rhythmic. i love his guitar i love his hands

alexis. alexis krauss is my One. i would do anything she asked. shes. god. i was up against the stage, there were no barriers. i was singing and dancing along to every song she sang with all of my energy all of my might just thouroughly experiencing the night

the first time id seen sleigh bells i did so at a festival and i got high for the second time bcos some dude wire wrapping crystal at a booth offered me some hits off of his blunt lol. and so i spent the whole First Time Seeing My Favorite Band And The Whole Reason I Came To Riot Fest high off of my ass and behind my phone videoing and taking pictures. i remember basically none of it lmao

exceptnfor jonas but hes a topic for later. dw hes cool.

so i decided i was going to do my damndest to remember this concert and i wasnt gonna use my phone at all. and that was the Correct choice. sure i dont remember it all, this is deep in the times that i Dont Remember but ive clung to this memory with gnashing teeth and claws.

they were performing minnie from their album bitter rivals. during one of the “minnie minnie, go count your pennies” lines alexis got right up to my face, stooping down close. just far enough for the microphone to be comfortable. her hair cascading around us. for just a split moment, it was just me and her in the world. no one else mattered.

she ripped back up when the line was over and i remember once she got to “window pain, the pain!” i did a deep drop, just fully going feral for a moment.

it was the best concert of my life. she handed me the set list at the end.

anyway i love sleigh bells hi

intermission over ig lmao

that also, incidentally, included the second time i got high so there u go. the third was with my ex fiances uncle. kinda boring. then i met tisa when i moved to florida and after we broke up but still lived together. she also offered me coke once but i declined her lmao. one of the hard stop drugs

after that it was all the hippie. she very quickly (like within a couple weeks knowing her) put in the dynamic of “big sister little brother” and started placing herself in a caretaker role regardless of what i said. after a bit i relented and let it happen. and she started getting me high. very quickly, cos i was still untreated unregulated bpd bitch, the unhealthy dynamic was solidified and the infatuation and fixation began because i was very vulnerable and she was placing herself in the role of protector cause thats what i craved.

she apparently did this a few times before. i saw the end of her previous one with a woman named sarah. she talked about a couple others. i dont remember them clearly.

she talked about herself a lot. she trauma dumped constantly. and i was just expected to listen. she told me horrible horrible things thatd apparently happened to her. i still cant tell if she was telling the truth. and id just have to listen to it.

if it was true she had a habit of bringing it her way it felt like. it might get graphic soon

animal gore hg stuff idk um doubt anyones reading anywau im just gonna write

one time her sons cat got out. this was at the first place we lived with the trailer. her sons cat got out. or maybe it happened in the trailer. i. we found him. i dont know. i only just. unlocked this memory tonight. but god it was so awful and disgusting.

somehow he got a gnarly cut on one of his paws. and cats use a litter box and all. and she never cleaned it. and it got infected so a gnarly cut turned into a necrotic painful oozing wound.

i dont even know how it happened. or how long hed been like that. he was her cat and he rarely ever came around to me anyway.

she pissed away $15k on bullshit. so much so that upon finding this she decided she couldnt afford a vet. shed deal with it herself. with my assistance ofc cos she couldnt do it alone.

my task was to hold this poor cat still, wrapped tight in a blanket to keep him from hurting us or himself. as she cut away at his paw pad with a pair of cuticle scissors.

im going to vomit

there was so much blood. he was in so much pain. the wound was so bad. the blood was so dark. then it was bright. i dont know why. i didnt expect him to have bright red blood. the only time you see an animals blood is dried dark rust on pavement. but here he was. bleeding like a human. bright red

its teally hard. walking through this memory. i have a migraine building. im fighting twars. this is physically painful. i

it took so long. i felt like we were there for hours. we were probably only there for 30 minutes to an hour. but that long is infinity when youre watching this. she poured something on his foot. it was supposed to steralize it. it was some dark liquid that stained his white foot bright yellow. she wrapped his foot in gauze and put a sock on it. every few days unwrapping to go at the foot again a little bit. squeezing more and more awful puss shit out.

eventually it healed. she decided shed do it herself. with my help of course bcos how could she ever do this alone

i guess im done for now. im physically shaking. im out of weed. its almost midnight and i open tomorrow. and most importantly, my phones dying. the stars aligned i should sleep

i wish she would forget about me so i could forget about her

[pandaisalwaysinlove]

Are you from my time?  chapter 1 steve rogers x reader

Summary: The reader is a therapist, who helps Steve to get over the fact, he is now in modern age.

(Y/N) = your name

Warnings : fluff, FLUFF, bit of angst, IT’S SO fluffy...

Genre: fanfiction, reader x steve rogers

Rating: 18+

A/N: Still no sign, that this shall pass. Nope. I welcome thou, Steve Rogers/Chris Evans. You’ll always have a special spot in my heart. But Steve plays the prim now. HE’S SO FLUFYY!

I DON’T OWN ANY GIF

“He’ll look through this...” you mummed, when you listened to Fury’s plan how to easily and slowly make Captain America get use to the fact, he woke up seventy years after he  made the fatal choice to lead the plane into ice. By your opinion, he acted emotionally.

However, now he was in coma, dotors made sure, he won’t wake up in a lab. So now they said, his time is near and Fury made this stupid, ridiculous arrangement of old hospital, in which he would probably wake up,  if saven in 1945.

You were here as expert. Consultant. Shield didn’t hire you just for this occasion. Your job was usually to help agents and soldiers to get over the post traumatic stress, get over of what they’ve seen on mission, forget the worse and to recover and serve to SHIELD again. When you studied your master degree from psychiatry and psychology, you never thought you’d end up like Captain America’s nanny.

Fury demanded your consulting abilities not only because you were their best psychologist, but also you were expert on certain period of history. You got bored after two years of studying psychology so you got yourself one bachelor degree from history with specialisation on the first half of 20th century.

You knew time of this guy, this captain Steven Rogers better than your own.

That’s why you warned them. He is not stupid nor deaf and blind. He’ll know.

And he knew.

“Where are we?”

Steven Rogers surprised you in many ways.

Firstly, he wasn’t that big and that masculine as they portrayed him.

Secondly, he was enormously sensitive, but  cleverly hid it.

Thirdly, he accepted the fact like a soldier.

“In SHIELD’s basement in state of New England.”

He looked out of the window. He didn’t know, that there was no window and that it was just clone projected by computer. It showed nice view on the ocean in Cape Cod Bay. Agents and other psychologist wrote down every move and every word he said just behind the picture of dark blue waves.

“What day is it?”

“It’s 21.st of March, 2010.”

He looked nervous. You didn’t blame him. You’d be hysterical in his position. But he only rubbed his hands and indirectly stared at you. He looked like he tried to understand you.

“Who are you?”

“I’m agent Hume. (Y/N) Hume. I’m your...well, how would you call me?” you smiled at him. Better if he finds out himslef. “Source of informations?”

You chuckled and that made him relax more. He leaned back in the chair.

“Well.. If I give you informations and comfort you as well, what does that make me?”

He frowned “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

You put your hair behind your ear and winked at him “Your brain stayed untouched, captain. I think you can figure out what I’m trying to do with you right now.”  he nervously chuckled and looked on the ground for  minute.

His blue eyes glazed  at you again “You’re trying to seduce me.”

You almost heard your collegues laughing behind the glass.

“No, Steven,I’m really not. You’re really bad with women, you know that?”

OOPS

You’d punch yourself for that one. Your job was to make him forget everything from his pass as much as possible !

Steven stood up and turned his back on you. He leaned on the window ledge and said quietly “I had only one date and that I missed, so..” he turned to you “What would you expect from me?”

You looked in his eyes, full of pain. Before you could say something, he asked “Is she alive?”

You remained silent.

You heard from your reciever Fury’s voice “Tell him.”

“Yes.”

Working with Steve got easier an easier day by day. He was funny, easygoing and polite. You never noticed, but having a true gentleman around you was really refreshing and it highered your claims on men. Whenever you were around him, he had stronger and stronger influence on you.

He seemed dealed with his life in modern time. He spent most time in gym, in his room, in the near beach and in your office. His recovery was planned to take 2-3 months. The first one made you feel intense about other two.

“No way! He couldn’t!” he refused to believe the fact that Nixon and his Watergate affair. Also he couldn’t believe that James Dean died in car accident (”I’d expect him to die in bed full of girls in his seventies!”) you had a lot of laugh with passing through history, fashion and music. He was really amazed by  Brigitte Bardot and The Beatles  (”I don’t believe, that John married Yoko, she’s Japanese!’ - that was his ‘Pearl Harbor’ affected opinion) and he just couldn’t stand over the 80′s in fashion and music.

His most favourite period was Carribean crisis and fall of a Iron curtain. He had a great laugh from film industry boom in  the 90′s and he just adored Forrest Gump. The most intersting thing that he iked and it shocked you was his love for novel Lolita (”Don’t you get the idea behind? It’s amazing!”).  

Teaching Steve and introducing him to reality and way of thinking in your times was hard. And funny. He kept himself in his days but seemed to be thrilled how many advantages has modern age. He got himself addicted on Youtube, on e-books and attandence food.

“How are you?” he asked in the middle of lesson about Cold war in its détente in Europe. You looked up from the script and rise your eyebrow with shock “Beg a pardon?” you got used quite quickly to his manners in talk. You taught him some new words as well. But he refused to use them.

“How are you? I never asked. We always talk about me and the past. Where you studied? How’s your family? I want to know more aout you.”

You got all red. You rised and straightened your skirt.

“Let’s take a walk, Steve.”

He followed you to the corridors. The agents and staff greeted him with salute. He still couldn’t get used to big crowd of people. So you took him out of the underground offices up and then to the beach. It was quite windy, but you at least had some privacy.

“You needed fresh air to tell me how are you?”

You shook your head “Steve,... there are certain circumstances that inhibit me from telling you.. my personal.. well.” you found yoursefl lost in his eyes. It happened a lot in these days. You looked in his face and you lost yourself in your own words. Now with him looking at you with his smile, you didn’t know, how to end the sentense.

You shivered and he noticed. He took of his jacket and gently put it on your shoulders.

“You’re quite an old soul, you know that?” he took a forelock of your hair and put them behind your ear “Are you sure you’re not from my time?”

When you didn’t respond and just stared into sand beneath your feet, he sighed “It’s okay. I understand. But do understand me.. You’re the only one I talk in these days and I’m tired of all the official things.. I’d like to know you. You seem like interesting woman.” how clumsy way to tell girl he likes her. But it made you shiver not from cold. You looked up on him.

“We might change the room we use..” you suggested.

He laughed.

“I mean.. if you’d like.. I have an appartement in the basement..”

“Are you asking me to come over?”

“You have other things to do?”

He gazed at you and slowly smiled “We could order pizza.”

“And put on Dr.No..”

“No! no more of James Bond... what was the film with Paul Newman...”

“ Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid?”

“No.. it was from prison.. Cool hand Luke. That would be nice..”

“We might even get popcorn.”

“We might dance.”

“On Andrews sisters..”

“Or the Crystals..” he finnished with smile.

His hand accidentaly touched yours. He gently fondled your back “Now let’s get back. We might have problems from this.”

When you arrived home, your phone rang.

I would like to invite you to a special projection of Cool hand Luke tomorrow night, miss Hume. Are you free?

[lolbtsaus]

(1/11) Buckle up because this is going to be a long one! - 🥀 jk gangster/mafia heiress and neighbour au where you - a runaway heiress to some big but shady company because you’ve had enough of your trapped and structured life, especially after you’ve received the news that you’re about to be engaged to some dude you’ve never met solely for the purpose of empire expansion! You decide to run away to some disreputable part of town where your father would never expect to find you

(2/11) (he has this impression that you’re a spoilt rich kid that would never last a day alone - like your step mom *cough cough*). Your long time friend Jimin (?) who’s family is a part of the shady business but for some reason doesn’t really want to get deeply involved manages to hook you up with an apartment. Its in a little corner on the 4th floor near the rooftop entrance and nobody explores that dinky corner so you’re like perfect i’ll take it!            

(3/11) You’re classes in finance management that you’re father made you take in hopes of taking over the business really helped because for years you’ve had a secret fund account which you now break out in case of emergencies (and it’s quite a lot too). So you’re happily hiding out in your apartment devising a plan to escape the country or something (idk) but tbh you don’t really have the guts or know how on rebelling. Anyhow, one day, after getting your groceries from the store at midnight            

(4/11) (because I mean your fathers empire is still hunting you down), you mistake the rooftop door as your house and you end up discovering this awesome potential retreat place. But fail to notice the lump of oversized hoodie hunched up swinging his legs over the railing. But this boy takes interest because 1 - how did this chick just find my super secret hang out place and 2 - who the heck buys groceries at 12am?! Finds out you’re his new neighbour that plays slow jams and bakes really            

(5/11) delicious smelling cookies at 5am. One night you’re just having a shitty night so you drag your self up to the roof with a few bottles of alcohol and just decide to drink it out looking at the stars. But then the rooftop door opens and you’re like wth?! and this boy is standing there staring at you like who? But then he comes closer and you guys exchange simple greetings, very cautious of each other. But you continue to lay down looking at the stars and he soon joins you. But something            

(6/11) in the sentimental of the moment (and alcohol) causes a tear to run down your face and you’re hoping he just doesn’t notice. He does tho and is like dude are you okay? and poker face princess you are just goes yeah. and he’s like brush you’re crying you don’t look okay. and you’re like i’m okay, I have alcohol and the stars looking down on me to keep me sane, I’m happy right now. and he’s concerned because you’re either not right in the head or masking up your unhappiness with some            

(7/11) soppy poetry shit. eventually you kids fall asleep, but he wakes up to a cold cement floor and empty bottles. Oh did i mention jk is a bad boy (duh he hangs out with jimin who’s affiliated to the shady business and namjoon who’s fam practically runs this side of town) who has a motorbike and is always clad in leather jackets? yeah, well he decides to knock on your door some nights after that encounter and is like, hey I’m going for a ride, wanna come? and you’re like wtf I barely know you            

(8/11) but he makes up some disgusting excuse like i’m feeling a bit down and some company would be nice, you owe me one anyways and basically you find yourself on the back of his bike. And it’s nice tbh, the wind through your hair and the feel of his leather jacket against your cheek as you rest upon his back. And basically he begins to show you the thrills of living life on the edge, much contrast to your usual life back then. Improv movie nights where he casually shows up in your kitchen            

(9/11) munching on cookies after he climbed the balcony railing or running away after spray painting some tags along the brick walls. But one day, you awaken from your slumber to hear the dreaded noise of pounding against your front door and the mocking call of your name by the voice of the dude you were engaged to marry. So you in your pjs climb over the railing to jk’s room (obviously closing the door in your own apartment so the men won’t know that you’ve escaped to the neighbours because of      

(10/11) the open door) and you hurriedly enter, waking the poor boy up in the process and scaring the shit out of him because 1 - the dude was sleeping, 2 - why are you in his room? you’ve never climbed the railing to his place before and 3 - the dude is shirtless. He’s about to make a fuss but your frightened expression and finger to the lip indicating him to be silent tells him that this is no joking matter. then he hears the sound of your apartment door being smashed and he’s like oh shit.  

(11/11)Thin walls in this rundown so he hears them talking about how your father will be angry they couldn’t find you and all that crap but they eventually leave. at this point, you’re pretty shaken up so he’s just like come here i’ll cuddle you and you eventually nap. Waking up, you decide to tell him your situation and he’s like oh dude thats messed up, and you’re like yeah Ik. So he’s like what now? and tbh you don’t know either. Oh and yeah thats all I’ve got so far too -🥀             

okay but this is so fucking nice??? like are you a writer or something what the hell I’d wanna read this, would you guys wanna see it?? Would you mind having two back to back kook series maybe I can do a couple days of breather in between but fuck this sounds fun