#which then morphed into dos due deux etc

[ikuzeminna]

Is it Tsubarov or Tubarov?

So, this one is funny. As you can see above, the wiki has adopted the latter spelling, which originates from the translation of Glory of Losers and Frozen Teardrop by Zeonic Scanslations. It's also where "Bilmon" first popped up as a last name for the guy, by the by. If you look at the katakana, it spells tsu-ba-ro-fu, but as anyone who has learned the Japanese alphabet knows, there is no tu, so tsu is usually used in its place. Just like there is no si, only a shi, which leads to all the "city boy" humor. Meaning, a translator might find themselves pondering if they should go with tu or tsu in a name, especially if it's a made up one. And in this case, the translator decided to go with tu because he probably felt "Tubarov" sounded more correct. This is Gundam Wing though.

From the Gundam Wing Perfect Archive Series, p. 189. Tsubarov's name is supposed to be derived from the German word for 12, zwölf. The z in German is always a "ts" sound, so "Tsubarov" is actually the correct spelling. And before anyone thinks to themselves "well, why didn't they just go with the number then?" That's because the very first translators wanted to be phonetically close and anyone trying to pronounce zwölf who doesn't speak flawless German would probably end up saying some form of "ze-wolf" which doesn't even come close. The American dub had troubles pronouncing Hilde, for crying out loud. Like that's a hard name. So Tsubarov it is, just like it is Noin and not Neun. But. And here comes the funny part, which is just a euphemism for me having had to take linguistics, so now you all get to suffer through it with me. "Two" in German is "zwei". Depending on the region or if you watch Star Wars, you'll hear it pronounced "zwo", too, though. R2D2 is the most famous example. It also used to happen a lot on the telephone when people spelled telephone numbers or the number of a bank account etc. so that it doesn't get mixed up with 3, "drei". "Two" and "zwo" have the same root, the Proto-Germanic "twō". The difference is that English stopped pronouncing the w and German had a sound shift known as the High German consonant shift, where a lot of Proto-Germanic "t" sounds changed into "ts" which is how the letter z is pronounced in German. So, tomato, tomahto, or in this case, Tubarov, Tsubarov. It's amusing how a language on the other side of the globe lacking a tu ended up reverse sound shifting a name derived from a German word because a fan thought it'd sound better that way. What are the odds.

[seenashwrite]

I feel inept (or worse) with everything I have ever created. How can writers get to the point of confidence and certainty with their works? Is it worth trying to please the masses when we can't please ourselves? Am I poking the bear? It just seems you are a voice of discernment and I am trying to ask the write questions.

This is a tricky kebab to de-skewer, it’s stacked. But not impossible to stomach. It is not, after all, an alt-world crispy lizard.

Cool your jets, Sammy.

Hopefully it’ll be of relief to know that I’m not going to tell you to write because it makes you happy, and write for you, and then the readers will come. Not because it’s not true, but (a) because you know that, and (b) because it’s a bit of a pat answer. Touching on the second part of your question briefly - the whole chumming the water scenario - hypothetically, were you to do this, I waffle in my speculations as to what degree it would be successful due to the doldrums.

Whether it’s cookbook fic or the quality stuff you’re aiming for, people will be able to tell if you’re going through the motions. Well, some won’t, because they aren’t, um, discerning, to borrow your word, and others are just reading for some time-killing fun, and there’s a subset of those folks with wicked senses of humor, so the worse the fic, the better. Having said that, I’m a big proponent of assuming all readers are witty and intelligent, and via the writing, I’m going to treat them as such, and so they’ll know if I’m not feeling it. 

So. Back to that ineptitude feeling part. Spoiler alert: I can’t fix this…

Double spoiler alert: …but you totes can…

Triple spoiler alert: …and there’s some concrete steps you can take to do it vs. trying to Tinkerbell it away with thinking happy thoughts. Because, blerrrgh. Fairies. Nah. #Dean approved

Oh, and also? Since I picked this scab off-and-on over the course of 36 hours when things I wanted to say popped to mind, it mutated. We shall split this into two posts.

Part One: So Do I Just Blow At This Fanfic Stuff?

PS: Dunno if you “know” me, but FYI this should hopefully be an easy read with lotsa snark and gifs interspersed and, oh yeah, potty mouth.

C/P for convenience: 

“I feel inept (or worse) with everything I have ever created. How can writers get to the point of confidence and certainty with their works?”

I’m gonna ask a rhetorical question that’s yours to answer, because no one else can:

Why is that?

I mean in an objective sense, not in a blanket sense of “Well, Nash, you dumb bitch, my self-confidence blows”; what I’m driving at are the non-emotional factors. If we go emotion, you’re gonna start subconsciously lumping things in with the writing part (i/e - putting blame on yourself for other areas of life where you perceive yourself as not being “good enough”), so we should go the other route. Make this as fact-based as possible.

What facts are you basing this on? Do you publish stuff, and not get a lot of hearts/notes/reblogs/followers/etc.? What’re your metrics? Put plainly: Is this you being hard on yourself, or is there something concrete to back it up?

(A person who can’t act, for instance, should probably find something else to do after 20 years of auditioning with no parts. An artist who hasn’t been featured in a show or sold one painting. A chef who can’t make it past the line to sous. You get what I’m saying. There’s undeniable evidence there, because after a lengthy period of time, the chances that no casting director, no curator, and no head chef have picked up on the prowess of these special snowflakes is virtually nil. They blow. Their confidence has morphed into delusion. They need to accept they should stop trying to make fetch happen.)

Now, based upon this—

“Is it worth trying to please the masses when we can’t please ourselves?”

—I’m assuming that’s the case, that part about you having something concrete driving at least part of your self-assessment. My interpretation of your statement (and correct me if I’m not tracking with you) is that you think your style isn’t appealing to majority of the readership ‘round here, ergo it’s feeding this feeling of ineptitude. I can’t offer advice on fixing what other life aspects could be acting as the base of that feeling, but the pile-on feeling from the writing aspect of it, that we can work with.

I’d have to have more information to make a detailed, precise call on whether this is a skill-based scenario, namely - assuming you trust my tastes to a degree - reading your stuff. Which isn’t likely to happen unless you’ve got a sneaky way of recommending it to me via a friend or something a good bit of time from now when this isn’t fresh on my mind*, because I can’t know who you are or connect it to this conversation, or we’re automatically injecting bias.

(*It would have to be a really, really, really long time from now; I have a pretty sharp memory; it’d need to be too far out to be helpful for you in the near future.)

What I can tell about you without reading any of your stories is that you are above average in intelligence and are well-educated, whether formally or self-taught, based upon the words you used and how they are used - and if you thesaurus'ed it, you’re smart enough not to pick glaringly extravagant words - and you were succinct and expressed the issue well, with sincere concern that didn’t go all sad-sack Eeyore.

You can write.

But can you tell a story? Can you capture the essence of known characters and present this with accuracy? Do you have original ideas, which you can distill into interesting plots? Etc.? Again, I can’t know for sure. Now, a way that you could get a taste of what I’d call you on were I acting as your editor?

There is a *plethora* of objective criteria over at The Nail’s HQ, and I’ve recently re-done the pages so they are mobile-friendly (bless octomoosey and his brilliant designs). Like, seriously - they look okay on my laptop and huge-ass desktop monitor, but baby do they shine on phones. #bless octomoosey part deux  The foundation of all of it comes from advice from pros, and whether I/we personally like their stuff or not, they’ve all been highly successful and managed to appeal to the masses while keeping a high bar. They don’t cater to the lowest common denominator. And even though I personally may not love all the fics I put on The Nail in a given edition (‘ships, too shmoopy, too angsty, whatever), they’re solidly hitting, at minimum, at least three of those “guiding standards”.  

Great, so, there’s Nash’s Edit Yourself At Home! kit… which brings me to a disclaimer.

I don’t have mass appeal.

What I do have is a solid, loyal reader base who gives me phenomenal feedback (a handful of them giving me fantastic constructive critique when needed) on the reg, and I couldn’t ask for more. And because I am human and I like knowing people dig what I make and because, as a grown-ass adult, I am capable of assigning value to and caring about two or more things at the same time, I would also totes ask for more - not of them, I mean I’d like more people to join in. I would love to have that lil’ bottom left hand corner sporting a number in the hundreds within the day of publish. That’s motivating. That’s telling me people are into what I make. That’s telling me I am super good at—–

Wait.

That last bit…  Does it? Mean that I’m super-good at it? Does that metric alone paint a good picture of my talent? Hmmmm. Well. How to put.

Oh, but fuck no.

And if that “oh, but fuck no” didn’t serve as a tonal lead-in, let me be clear that this is the part where Nash Shoves Logic Into The Closet And Locks The Door For A Minute, And Vents Her Frustrations, With Which You And Others Reading This Could Perhaps Empathize And Are Giving Me Virtual High Fives And Yasss Gurrrrl-s Through The Screen At Completion Of Rant.

[clears throat]

Have you seen some of the absolute garbage that screams through the Tumblrsphere like a cat with a bell on its tail? Holy moses, is it shit. Same shit, different title. One example of the problems: I don’t recognize Sam or Dean more than half the time. Then I see a bazillionty notes on it, a bunch of feedback on folks’ reblogs, ask-kissing©℗™ talking about how the writer captured the guys so perfectly, and they seemed just like they are in the show and… and… and… and… and I’m all:

ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW?!?!  The men in many of these stories are mannequins/Real Dolls with the faces of JA and JP slapped atop. They are what the writers want them to be, not what the characters are, and it’s lazy because we have 13-odd years of scripts and visuals to glean from, and it takes consideration and practice to pull it off. 

Same goes for working a reader insert, making that person juuuuust vague enough so that readers can actually, um, picture themselves in the role. But what do we get instead? Most of the time there is zero depth to ol’ Y/N. Zip. Nada. She’s so tough, she’s nigh on invulnerable (until she’s not, so she can be saved, and the Mannequin can pine in the meantime), or she’s so fragile and mousy and immature I wanna cunt punt her, or she’s the perfect pussy with next to no flaws, and regardless she’s getting moved into the bunker with an engagement ring and/or Winchester fetus,and ermahgerd, total window-closers.

But they’re clearly doing something right, and they took the time to give us a story free of charge, and….and…. and yet….

(I am aware I am abusing those gifs of late, I’ll get through it, but today is not that day)

Okay, okay, okay, what does this have to do with you - the answer is that you can actually use these atomic farts as a handbook, as well (which ties into Pt.2 of the question, and we’ll get there. Eventually.), assuming you decide you don’t want to chum the waters, and want to do your thing.

(1) The Nail pages are gonna give you some objective things to work with and aim for; 

(2) those truly inept, supposedly based-upon-SPN stories are gonna give you some objective things to avoid like the plague;

And that combo will hopefully….

(3) get a draft out of you that has you sitting back and going, “I’m not 100% that this is gold, but I’ve sure got something shiny, here.”

It’s a feeling of trepidation, it’s not your ultimate goal of “confidence and certainty with [my] works”, but we’ve stepped out of the feeling of ineptitude, and that’s the point. You didn’t arrive at feeling inept overnight, that kebab’s got about four or five veg before it gets to the meat (and several are onions, always with the onions, MORE RED PEPPERS, UNCLE HANK!), so you’re not gonna get to that nice thick sirloin in one sitting, either.

Say, are you a vegetarian? This non-tofu kebab metaphor may be falling flat if so. But transparency and all, I confess I’d rather have alt-world lizard kebab than tofu. Dean, what say you?

He feels me.

One way you’re going to start feeling certain in your works—-

and listen, you know this, but I’ll say it anyway: nobody’s ever 100% certain

—-is when people zero in on specific things you did right, and if they stood out to a reader, they likely stood out to you, so it’s gonna be all “YES!” in your head. When this starts happening, make two documents:

(1) Fic_Feedback_Yes- sort the (positive, praising, specific-things-noted) comments by story - copy them verbatim- read whenever ineptitude feels start creeping back whilst writing/editing story

(2) Fic_Feedback_No- sort the (constructive critique, helpful, specific-things-noted) comments by story - copy them verbatim- read whenever ineptitude feels start creeping back whilst writing/editing story

“Nash, that’s the same fucking thing,” you say.

Yeah, I know.  We ain’t here for ego-feeding, we’re here for confidence, and we don’t get confidence without being aware of not just what we’re nailing, but also of our Achilles’ heels. I joke about “filling the ol’ ego tank”, but it’s legit not an ego thing. Ego things we’re going to touch on in Pt. 2, how it can blind us, and then we’re cranking out stuff that, when cut into, is a dried husk like that turkey in Christmas Vacation.

(WHY do I keep talking about meat)

So, here we are, back to the numbers. Assuming we get you to mild trepidation stage - normal for writers getting into their groove - how do we get you to the point where your stuff is yielding commentary for your docs, for your growth? 

Well, that won’t happen right away, people have to get a feel of you beyond your stories (we’ll talk about that in Pt. 2, as well), so initially it’s going to manifest as hitting the heart, maybe some generic “This is awesome!”-s, maybe some reblogs without commentary, and that’s typical, and we’ll take it, it still goes into your “Mass Appeal” metrics, lets you know you’re getting closer to a broader readership, that you’ve done something/several somethings right….

….which is a nice place to stop Part One. 😉

PART TWO

[fragileyetstrong-blog]

why i chose ballet

The reason I have decided to choose the subject area of ballet is because it is something that is a very big part of my life and always has been. Therefore I am very educated and can retrieve an abundance of primary research.

My initial thoughts were how I want to overcome stereotypes or show how ballet dancers are not always what you think they are.  Personally I do not fit the typical ballet stereotype by the way I dress, my dialect and my lifestyle choices and I think this is interesting because as soon as I am in a leotard or on stage performing it is like my true personality is taken away. The characteristics I usually have that make me Darci are stripped from me and all that is left is my body, my technique and my emotion that I portray. When dancing you have to use a lot of emotion especially when dancing as a character to fulfil the role and because there is no speaking in ballet this must be achieved through body language. It can be difficult because you may dance a role that is the opposite of how you usually act and therefore you create a whole new false persona.  

However when you are dancing there is a whole new emotion that I do not experience at any other time in my life. You are constantly striving to improve and progress because there is never an end point and perfection never seems achievable. You may reach your goal but as soon as you have reached that you will set a higher goal, it is an endless cycle. But with the music and adrenaline and the way you are controlling your body, it can put you in a state of ecstasy whilst you are in agonising pain. People do ballet because they love ballet.

As a 19 year old it may seem unusual that I continue to dance but not training to be a professional because that is usually the reason why people train their whole lives to lead up to be in a big company. I decided rather young that I didn’t want to do ballet as a career and people questioned this a lot and still do now. I have had the potential from a young age and would have been successful with auditions and could be an amazing dancer right now, but I didn’t want ballet to be my only focus and to control my life. If I were to train to just be a dancer and if I didn’t make it I would have nothing to fall back on and this scares me too much. Also I feared the competitive nature of ballet dancers because it is all about competition; competing against one another as well as competing against yourself. I have been raised to have happiness as my priority in life and I knew if I were to go into dance I would be unhappy majority of them time. I would have to watch extremely carefully what I eat, how much I weigh, exercise, my figure to fulfil the appearance of a classical ballerina as well as many lifestyle choices and I didn’t want these restrictions especially from age 10.

I have seen friends join companies and then a year later quit due to illness and injuries. Girls are asked to be a certain size and if genetically they don’t have a high metabolism or the figure or the correct height, there is a very good chance they’re not going to make it in the ballet industry. I find this unfair because this means there will be so many missed opportunities for beautifully talented dancers just because of the way they were born. Puberty is also a big issue with girls because training from a young age they may have the perfect body and suddenly they morph with no choice whatsoever.

By having a company of dancers that all look the same this means for corps de ballet everyone will be uniform in order to create the aesthetic and no one to stand out. Also for pas de deux if all males are the same and females are the same this means that any female can be partnered with any male with no height or weight issues, however this cannot always be prevented if you have exceptionally talented dancers who defy the appearance criteria.

The combat ballet dancers have with themselves is ongoing; ballet is tough on the mind as well as on the body. Injuries are a big part of a dancer’s life; they are constantly injured because they push their bodies too hard in ways their body shouldn’t move. Ballet is extremely unnatural for example an arabesque is completely defying the human bone structure but still you strive for the leg to be as high as possible which requires flexibility and turn out which you may not naturally have and therefore have to work for it to have the appearance of a perfect arabesque.

So not only bones, joints and tendons but also feet are completely unavoidable of being destroyed whilst doing pointe work. Toenails being removed surgically, blisters galore and bruising are just the average for a dancer. Dancers go for hours on end rehearsing and practicing in pointe shoes exerting themselves with barely any food or drink which is dangerous but it is just the norm and this is just overlooked. The pain mixed with the lack of food and weakness can just result in dancers collapsing or vomiting and making themselves very unwell but the dancer will not change their ways because it is all about bettering yourself.

But what I find really inspiring is that although all if this is going on behind the scenes, when you see a ballet performance this doesn’t come to mind at all. When you are watching it is just the most beautiful, elegant visual experience that really makes you feel a certain way. With the accompaniment of the music, costume and set it just pieces together all the hard work the dancer has put in.

I really want to look at the female form of ballet dancers and the strain they put their bodies through in order to look like that through diet, exercise and lifestyle choices. Although there are a lot of professionals who are very healthy physically and mentally, there is still a good chance that they have had an issue with their appearance at some point.

It’s not being self-conscious in a leotard that makes people change they’re body, it is entirely trying to build up certain muscles to have strength rather than make your body look a certain way.

Seeing your body next to someone else’s body who is better than yours does put you down, but personally I can overcome this because thankfully I am blessed with a slim physique, however I do put it down to dance. If I were to put on weight it would upset me which is wrong, however I cannot help how I feel. Currently I do not do any exercise to change my figure, however in the past I have gone through stages of waking up early to do abdominal exercises in order to achieve a flatter lower abdomen but I came to the realisation I didn’t need to do this to make me happy so I stopped because it was depriving me of sleep and put extra pressure of my back and therefore was unhealthy.

I say I do not watch my diet, but I certainly do, I’m just not obsessive over it. I will always aim to eat my 5 a day and have a balanced diet but I do still eat junk food regularly for enjoyment and drink alcohol which I know is extremely calorific but I can see past this. Although I know dancers who do restrict themselves rather severely:

“In ballet class I used to always feel self conscious about my back and chest being on show as I struggled with body acne. It got to the point where I was so embarrassed I decided to do something about it. The doctor prescribed me a one and a half year course of drugs to help cure my acne. They worked so well and after the course finished I was only left with faint scarring. However, due to the hormone imbalance within these drugs I quickly but subtly started putting on weight after coming off­ the course. I was back to square one again, l was nervous to go to ballet class as I wasn’t as slim as I used to be, or as slim as my class friends, and my desired figure for general life and for ballet had disappeared. After being given the lead role in the upcoming ballet company show, and knowing I’d be dancing with a boy, I decided a change was needed. Not a drastic change but a small adaptation to my diet which I hoped would help me shed a few pounds and get back to where I used to be. So I decided to cut all refined sugars. No cake, biscuits, sweets, chocolate etc. Only natural sources. I kept it under wraps for the first 2 months, I knew that as a ballet dancer many people would stereotypically associate my dietary change with a possible drastic eating disorder if they knew about it. I kept it to myself and carried on maintaining a strong will power and going to the gym to help boost my metabolism. Now 3 months later, I’ve lost 1.5 stone and am at a healthy and happy weight and body shape. A body that is toned and strong. A body that has allowed me to be a powerful but elegant ballet dancer without feeling the need to be stick thin”

Injuries are a very big part of a dancer’s life, especially for a professional it could be the difference between making it or never being a famous successful dancer. I suffer issues with my knees, wrists and spine due to hypermobility, but these issues are majorly exaggerated due to dance. My bendy back means I can achieve a perfect cambré but it causes me issues with other elements to dancing and therefore it has its advantages and disadvantages.

9 months ago I had an operation to remove a tumour the size of a small football attached to my ovary named a thecoma which is extremely rare. Since puberty I have constantly had issues with my hormones and whenever I have gone to seek medical advice I have always been discriminated against due to my petite frame and the fact that I am a ballet dancer. Doctors always try to dig deep for me to admit I have issues with food due to my size and I have to have my mother with me to back me up that I do actually eat 3 meals a day with a balanced diet containing plenty of nutrition. This has always upset me but never as much until my operation. Because I do not fit the physical polycystic ovary syndrome symptoms, it meant that the Doctor would not put me in to have a scan of my ovaries and it turns out that if I had of had this scan the tumour would have been spotted a year prior to it haemorrhaging and causing me a great deal of suffering. I was nil by mouth for 7 days waiting for my operation the emergency list and if it weren’t for me being strong with a healthy diet, there could have been life threatening consequences and therefore by doing ballet it pretty much saved my life. However ballet also was against me because my abdominal wall was so hard it meant that the tumour did not protrude and therefore not visible and so I was not aware of it. Also it was ballet that actually caused it to haemorrhage because two days prior I had been rehearsing cygnets from Swan Lake which is extremely difficult and really pushes the body to its limits and in this case my tumour. Therefore I want to look into how ballet has both assisted me as well as limited me.