#which surprised me a little bit! it didn't even occur to me lol. even though it does make a lot of sense

[molathesunfish]

guy who wants to be a hater so bad but his conscience keeps beating him up

(links: original cat image & edited cat image)

[anon-e-has-a-tmblr]

5 years.

So much has changed in these 5 years that has passed. On ine hand it's been a long time but on the other, it feels like it always was like that.

Since I haven't spoken at all about in the recent years, and given a lot of people are now runing into the shenanigans I cause, I guess a recap is a good thing. Yknow, reflecting on years past, what changed and what stayed the same, and of course - what I did and what I'm yet to do. All under the cut

All physical changes that could have happened occured within the first 6 months. Even though I was shaving before for a while, within a month enough facial hair was growing on my cheeks that I actually felt like I should be shaving. However, quickly I discovered that I actually like having a beard, so coupled with lockdown laziness I just stopped shaving. Fat redistribution I noticed a bit later, when I decided that daily walks would be a good thing for my health and sanity. This realization came to me when I saw that my (back then) new trousers fit me better, whereas the couple of pairs I had since my days in the army were falling off me.

The mental changes, as much as you can call them that, happened seemingly overnight. The first thing I noticed was a burst of energy, I no longer was fighting to get up, and I could keep going for longer before I felt like I jeeded to rest. One thing that I'm glad that never happened was, a burst in uncontrolled emotions. I feared, that since during my teenage years I was so emotionally unstable and having bursts of unccontrolled rage, secind puberty will cause a resurgence of that destructive rage. And to my pleasant surprise - I felt a sense of calmness and content. A feeling of everything being just right, all things considered. And that feeling surprised me.

I also had a sudden burst of hunger, but that's expected with all types of HRT, and within a couple of months it resolved itself.

As of medical intervention beyond medication, I only underwent top surgery. In my case, this was a 2-in-1 deal: conplete double mastectamy, chest reconstruction surgery with a nipple graft. In my case, the doctors werent sure my nipple would survive, and I was mentally prepared to have a 3D tattoo of them in case they don't. Thankfully jot only they survived, I had full sensations and almost full function merely 3 weeks after the surgery. And as a bonus, their color changed to a healthy pink, which is only a bonus. I did have 1 complication, a very common one in all torso surgeries, and it is a gaping of the insitions. I had the gape under my left armpit, and it took about 6 weeks to close fully. It thankfully never got infected, and since I was covering it with a clean gasa and using an antibiotic cream as long as the doctors told me, I didn't have any further comolications. Pain-wise, my entire recovery was somehqat painless. Partially because of my rediculously-high pain tolerance, and partially because it just so happened to not be as painful. Feeling how the whole area is draining was very vile though. Do not recommend lol

As of bottom surgery: although I do have bottom dysohoria, for now I don't olan on getting one. Not only we don't do it here, it costs os much koney and has so many complications, and at the end of the day it wont give me the ability to have biological kids. So for now I stick with silicon prosthetics and hope they dont fall off xD

In my personal life, I finished my degree and got a driving license, on a motorcycle after learning the hard way that I can't physically drive a car. My ankle just doesn't aprove of such activities. I'm still yet to start working full time as an archaeologist, but that's entirely due to the places that employ archaeologists not recuiting new workers at this time. And I know I'm not the only archaeologist stuck in this madness. So for now, I work where I live, doing my best to not overwork and also have a little bit of time for myself and my hobbies.

In these past 5 years I also became more religious. After top surgery I felt like I'm ready to enter community life as a man, only to be faced with a religious dilema that cannot be solved, yet. So far, I have found only 1 person even talking about people like me with more than just "yall are heretics who are blasphemous for even trying to be a part of the religious community", and he only gave his opinion that there might be an answer. A different source that I did read (despite being targetted towards married people only) says that in some cases, just lying about your transition is the best course of action, but even then there are some stuff that I will never be able to do. And I'm fine with that. And because of this religious debuckle I'm hesitating to go on dates and eventually find a spouce.

Here's hoping for 5 more years of prosperity, and beyond that - god is greacious, so much can change and I just flow with what's given to me.

And I promise, I will find a religious answer to this entire situation. There must be. I'm not the only one, despite our small numbers we are enough to have at least an akgnowledgement that we exsist. And even if it takes me a lifetime, I WILL find a concrete answers, whatever that may be. And no, "there is no answer" is unacceptable.

[mzannthropy]

I'm pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed the first 3 eps of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel S5 more than I expected. I thought S4 was really weak, I don't remember why but I just remember thinking it was weak. (It didn't help that all people here cared about was Midge x Lenny, which honestly was a shock to me bc it never occurred to me that I was supposed to ship them... he's such a tiny part of the series that I barely even notice him... but I know nothing of comedians so it's quite possible that I'm missing something. I don't ship Midge with anyone. I thought the best guy on the show was Benjamin, but clearly Midge didn't appreciate him enough, so I hope he found love with someone else.)

I love how Susie has become a friend of Midge's family. What annoys me, though, is the complete lack of responsibility from anyone in that household. Sure, Abe is a bit absent minded, Midge is not exactly a responsible person herself, but Rose was always the adult in the room, so how she failed to notice a strange man in their apartment--where two little children live--seems a bit... weird. (Also, didn't they have financial problems? Is that solved now?)

When S4 ended, I was sure the show would get Midge and Joel back together (not something I want, but I was convinced they'd do it, despite Joel having a pregnant gf--a solvable problem, as we have just witnessed (as soon as I saw Mei standing there in Joel's apartment, I knew she came to break up with him)). Well, I was wrong about that at least. They're pulling a DJATS, lol.

[tuliharja]

BLEACH: Thousand-Year Blood War - The Separation episode 9 review

And after a week's break, the anime is back~. And we're continuing right where we left off.

Good thing Ichigo and the company bounced back to the action after Uryuu joined Yhwach and Jugram. It was a quick and shift moment, but I get a feeling it was mostly thanks to Chad's reassurance. Of course, Orihime too helped, but I feel like Chad got that small spotlight to be Ichigo's main support this time around which felt just nice.

It was also interesting to see shinigami picking themselves after that blast Yhwach and company left because in the manga there wasn't such a scene.

I must admit I was genuinely surprised we saw Iba and Komamura. That was just a nice addition the anime team made, along with Byakuya surrounded by the Quincies and Renji protecting Rukia from that blast. Little additions like those really add to things in the long run as those explain what happened to other characters when something was going on. Sure, it's nice to see the main gang in action and follow them, but it just gives this feeling of many characters and stories, when there are little bits like these in anime (and manga).

Lol! Renji talking smack about Bazz-B. xD Just for Bazz-B to compliment Renji. That was an adorable moment, even though Renji ended up pissing off Bazz-B with his chicken comment...like yes. It's nice chickens lay eggs and all, but I'm not sure if a guy would like such a compliment. Poor Bazz-B. His Burner Finger Four was very cool. Reminded me again just how good the animation is in Bleach: Thousand-Year Blood War ~.

Oh, so they really went for that scene with Yumichika revealing Giselle isn't biologically a girl, huh? It really wasn't that clever way of Yumichika wanting to make more accurate points of Giselle. (And before anyone asks, yes, in the original TV-broadcast Yumichika uses the lines he uses in the manga. [Making that scene just tacky -at least from my mind.] In the international version they've censored that line and also Giselle's one line as far as I'm aware.) But I suppose they just wanted that scene to be added, because...I'm not sure. I don't think anyone would have minded if that scene had been fully scrapped, because what would have mattered in the end if we wouldn't have been sure of Giselle's biological gender? Giselle identifies herself as a girl, so it should have been fine. But I suppose for some reason or another, they just wanted to push that little niche fact about Giselle. At least they tried their best with that scene. That's all that I'll write about it.

Now moving on~. To be honest, I was dreading this part of the anime because zombies are a big nope to me. Luckily the zombies in this didn't look as bad as those could, otherwise, I would have had to skip quite a lot of content from this episode, as it centered around quite heavily around zombies.

I'm kind of glad Yoruichi was introduced in such a neutral manner, unlike in the manga. Now the focus was on the task of 'how to get Ichigo, Orihime, and Chad to Soul King's palace?' Kisuke's explanation was interesting and I'm glad we learned what Yoruichi was up to, since up until now we hadn't seen her! Not to mention what exactly was Hiyori's, Lisa's, and Hachigen's task at the World of the Living. This all actually made me question if Kisuke (and Mayuri) did foresee Yhwach going to the Royal Palace and if they allowed such a thing to happen on purpose. Because now remember, Kyoraku all but hinted Ichibe allowed on purpose such a thing to occur...is there a secret scheme going on or what? Because that all seemed like such a big mishap, I wouldn't say all was just 'pure coincidence'.

Seeing Yumichika and Ikkaku fighting against zombie Bambietta was very nice. They really work very well together and I believe before this we hadn't really seen them fighting together. At least I can't recall such an event as usually, they would work separately I recall Ikkaku insisted on fighting alone against his own opponent and Yumichika felt shamed for his kido skills. But this time around, it seemed like they had managed to solve such issues and worked together quite well. Too bad their fight against Bambietta was a short one. But it was nice to see sunflower!Mayuri enters the stage~.

Mayuri going against Bambietta and Giselle looked visually very cool. Though when Giselle brought her Gotei Thirteen zombies, I almost snorted when Mayuri explained he wouldn't be able to go against them because of the 'goodness of his heart'. Yeah, like he hadn't previously in his life killed many of his subordinates. Not at all! ...but in all seriousness, I think he just wanted to flaunt his own zombies to Giselle. (And yes, just moments later when Mayuri told off both Ikkaku and Yumichika, proved he is still the same old Mayuri. Now with more facts under his belt that he can use against other people to do what he wants, though.) A good way to bring out already dead characters.

I must admit, zombified Toshiro wearing a Wandenreich outfit suited somehow extremely well to him. I still feel sorry for him, though. The fact he turned into a zombie and now has to go against his allies...not good at all. But we all will see more about that in next week's episode as the whole zombie thing is still far from over! (Again, I'm happy the zombies don't look like typical ones.)

[queer-boo-radley]

Akdhjska that sounds fucking amazing! I wont lie i hadnt thought of that bc Mal seems to want a little and bad as Mulan wants a caregiver. I forgot they have no prior knowledge of each other so duh it makes sense it would take some time.

And the Regina and Mulan interaction hits me out of nowhere. Especially since i feel Regina wouldnt have been confident enough to even try that (and maybe a little bit bc this is a prime place for Emma's jealousy to come out). But now i gotta ask:

Does Emma ask for it (bc Regina would do anything for her)?

Or did Mulan need it? Would she ask or would that be something Emma or Regina would bring up/suggest if they thought she does need it?

Would they have been able to talk preferences and limits or did it happen as a surprise? What is Mulan's regular regressed age?

... would Mal and Mulan meet while she is regressed bc Regina called for back up in a panic? Though idk if thatt would make things easier or more awkward later (or if it could be seen as a break of trust :( which would break me at least a little)

Would that make Emma more clingy to share her mommy or would she be too distracted/having fun to worry about it?

lol You're gonna hate me a little bit Anon but I don't wanna give too much away. I will tell you that the first meeting will be at the club for Playground on Halloween night and that on the way to the club it doesn't really occur to Regina that Mulan is going to be nervous, kind of like it didn't occur to her that Emma would be. Emma and Mulan have spent a little time together in the past letting their little sides out together in private, but it's always been very light stuff like watching Disney movies together or playing "kid" video games. Emma and Regina did discuss staying close to Mulan with the intent of smashing her and Mal together, but they didn't really talk about Mulan being little. What happens though is a very organic moment of understanding between Emma and Regina and then the same between the three of them.

But I can talk about after the meeting. After I get this big, long one out I want to do a bunch of shorter, one-event one-shots that will jump around date wise a little for the months of November, December, January, and February in their lives. A few of those will be very little/Caretaker centric and I really want to explore the dynamic between all of them as a group. Also Mulan's regressed age is very similar to Emma's in public. So right around that 3 to 6, but with Mal in private very much younger. I might do a one-shot that is glimpses into the other couple's lives, but I'm not sure yet about that.

[motownfiction]

⭐ instead of a piece let's do: character development in the last year you want to discuss!

it has been ten months since these characters became who they are (and seven months since i made this side blog for them and their stories). a lot has happened in those ten months, namely in terms of character development. so, i mean, i could really go in any direction with this, couldn't i? so i guess i'll talk about the two that are the most obvious to talk about, and that's will and sam.

because even though lucy and sadie have changed in slight ways from the place where they began (whether that's the place they began in 2007 or in 2019), and even though steph technically didn't exist before december 2021, and even though daniel was always a little bit mine ... nothing can top how surprised i am by the things that have happened for sam and will.

let me put it this way: as a writer, i think it's important to align your characters with the principal cast of the wizard of oz. lucy, by default, is dorothy because she's kind of the lead, sadie is glinda because she's the nice one who knows how to take you home, daniel is the cowardly lion because he underestimates himself ... but who are the scarecrow and the tin man? originally, i just assumed sam was the scarecrow, and will was the tin man. i was quite wrong ... wrong enough that i did have to change the tracks on their respective spotify playlists, lol

the thing of it is that neither will nor sam was supposed to be as smart as they are. god, will wasn't even supposed to go to college (and neither was sam, which remains somewhat true, since he stops at his associate's degree). but when i was first trying to figure out what to do with these personalities, if you asked me who was the smarter one, i wouldn't have hesitated to say will. he was just supposed to be a different kind of smart than the kind he is now. because -- and this is insane to me now -- will was supposed to be a petty criminal. and he gets into a few fights and steals a couple of things in junior high and high school, but his motivations are different. he's either trying to impress people (like his sister sarah, whose image he tries to emulate) or defend them. and it doesn't even happen that often. i started to understand more about what he looks like, more about his place as the second of six children (and the only boy), more about his childhood relationship with lucy, even ... and it occurred to me. will isn't (very) street smart. he just wants to be. instead, will is book smart and deeply insecure about it. at first, he's insecure about it because he doesn't think it's cool. later, he's insecure about it because he knows it's cool, and he doesn't think he's smart enough. and that's just not the character arc i expected for him. i didn't expect him to have image problems or to assume he's always "less than" others. and i really didn't expect him to be a gung-ho honors student. but i like him that way. another thing i didn't expect from will is that he cares so much about other people's feelings, and he doesn't even try to hide it. other iterations of the character would have tried to conceal their compassion on account of it "not looking cool," but that's just never been will. from worrying about his appearance, to loving lucy, to throwing himself into fatherhood before he's even done with eleventh grade, will has always put others first with no shame, no reservations. he knows he has a heart. i still think he leads primarily with movement (i.e. rash and impulsive decisions, usually backed up by the impetus to make them all see!), but he knows he has a heart. what he's not always sure he has is a brain. and of course he does, and it's a great one at that. he just has to be sandwiched in between his wife, the genius, and his best friend, the other genius (who we'll get to). either way, will is constantly going through a crisis of intelligence, which (to my utmost surprise) makes him my scarecrow.

i think sam's development over the past ten months is even more interesting. in the end, turning will into a good student who openly cares about others is surprising, but you and i both know that the underpinnings of that, the alternate possibilities, were always there in the original sketches. sam's almost completely different from the place where we found him. sam was not supposed to be book smart at all. he wasn't even supposed to care about spelling words correctly. in the first drafts, sam just slapdashes a couple of thoughts together, not really caring what he says, just trying to make it through life on charm and generosity. and that's still true in some ways ... it's just that it's different now. sam still stumbles into thoughts, but these thoughts are informed by an eidetic memory and a genius-level IQ, not to mention a wealth of popular and canonical references at his disposal. originally, sam was just supposed to be a really nice guy. now, sam is a genius who has chosen to back away from traditional academic pursuits. he could be the best if he wanted, but he doesn't want. and i like that so much better. not only is it more fun to write a sam who is absurdly smart, but also, i think it gives him an interesting character arc when you look at him next to his best friend in will. will wants to be smarter, to succeed harder, to be noticed. sam knows he has a lot of gifts that make him noticeable, and he wishes he didn't have to live up to those expectations. he feels burdened by his greatness. and shortly after he begins to accept his greatness, his intelligence, his unique sense of humor and style ... he is struck down by life and a promise he made to charlie when he was eighteen years old. he's a tragic character -- not just because he dies but because he's struck down as he's finding his prime. the conclusion of sam's arc is that all the greatness his family and friends tried to get him to live up to was futile. his greatness was a death sentence from the moment he was born.

another thing i expected from sam was for him to be more outwardly emotional, more expressive, more willing to share what ails him. and that's ... that's not exactly untrue now, but i've written a sam who runs from his emotions more than he lets them out (which, again, separates him from will, who is all-explosion, all the time). sam uses humor and art to distance himself from the way he feels, and he knows it's unhealthy. he knows that's not the way to live. but it's like he can't stop. it's like he's embarrassed by his feelings. i still think he's governed by emotions more than even will (the difference being that sam will always prioritize what feels good and right to him while will prioritizes what feels good and right to the group), but he'd rather not wear those feelings on his sleeve. sam would like to look untouchable, to look strong, to look like he has it together. but he also knows it's a trap, and eventually, it will all cave in and crush him. but he knows he has a heart because it breaks. and he hates that it breaks. he's my tin man. deeply emotional with a hesitance to express it.

i don't really know what i'm saying here or if any of this is new compared to what i've said about them before, but they've gone on the biggest journey from sketch to full-bodied character ... so i thought it was a good idea to talk about them in particular, lmao

[serenityseventeen]

♪ The Last Day of Summer With You

Dino/Lee Chan : Firefly Meadow

Chan groaned in exhaustion as he continued walking down the dirt road with you on his back.

On the way up the hill, you had tripped over a thick tree branch and sprained your ankle, which was to you, a complete disappointment. You had waited until the last day of summer to take him to a forest meadow to see fireflies only for an unplanned disaster to occur.

“Just a bit more,” You said quietly, after hearing Chan's exhausted breaths. Even though you got hurt and felt bad for having Chan carry you, you wanted to desperately see the lightning bugs. You rested your head on his shoulder and said, “I told you that you don't have to carry me all the way over here, I could walk.”

Chan, despite being quite obvious about the fact that his energy was getting drained, smiled and chuckled. “It's okay. If that sprain was not enough for you to go back, I'm just going to trust you that there's something beautiful up here,” Chan replied, looking ahead. He could see the dirt path slowly fade to just green grass.

It was getting dark and if you had to estimate, you would guess that it was probably around 9 pm. The way up wasn't easy but now that you two have reached a certain point, it was quite easy to tell that the floor was evening out. Trees were surrounding the path and Chan felt a bit skeptical about the place as he looked around.

He didn't know about the fireflies yet.

As you two traveled further away from your car that was parked at the street nearby, deeper into the forest, you could see hints of the destination approaching. You found this place when you were following a rabbit while you were young, and though you've always somewhat hated the look of bugs, whenever you saw fireflies, you'd get reminded that everything ugly in life still had beauty in it.

You wanted to share this special place, that you were sure no one knew of, with the most special person in the world. You wanted to thank Chan for being the kindest, most loving, caring, and helpful boyfriend. Through thick and thin, snowy storms and sunny weather, Chan was always there by your side. Now that another summer with him was about to pass by, you wanted to tell him how special he was.

While he continued to walk, you took out your phone and turned on the flashlight, making sure that it was bright enough to light up the night. Then, in a reassuring voice, you told him, “I have a small surprise for you, do you mind if I cover your eyes?”

“Cover my eyes??” Chan was taken aback by the question but he knew that if he wanted a good surprise, he had to at least follow your conditions but even so, Chan tilted his head doubtingly. “How long will you cover them for?”

You estimated how long it would take for Chan to walk to the firefly heaven, and concluded, “Around 30 seconds? Just keep walking forward, the path onward is flat but the grass is tall.”

As your hands went on to cover Chan's eyes, he adjusted his grip and your position on his back with a little jump and continued.

Of course, Chan was terrified. As if walking in a forest during the late evening wasn't scary enough, he had to walk with his eyes covered. Sometimes, he would even become paranoid, thinking that he'd be carrying a ghost or something, so he'd always ask you something and hear your warm responses to chase away the fear.

The meadow was like a clearing in the forest. The grass gradually grew taller and there weren't many trees anymore, only one or two in the middle of the field.

At first, you were afraid that the glowing bugs wouldn't be there, or if there were, there wouldn't be many, since fireflies were primarily present during late spring to early summer. You did know, however, that sometimes fireflies could live on or have twinkling bottoms a bit later in the humid weather. You just had to hope that there were some.

With a soft sigh, you looked down at the meadow.

More disappointment. You should have checked for fireflies the day prior. You felt stupid for not doing so.

There was nothing.

No twinkling bugs, no fairyland.

With a sigh, your hands slipped off of Chan's eyes.

“We're too late. The fireflies are gone.”

“Fireflies? What fireflies?” Chan asked. You let yourself down and while hopping on one leg, you took a hold of the tree behind you. The bark was rather smooth rather than rough.

“In the summer, there are fireflies here. I should have taken you here earlier, at the beginning of summer, not at the end...” You looked down, plucking a piece of long grass and fidgeting with it, feeling that everything had been ruined. You continued to mutter, “I wanted to make it special so that you could know that you're special to me.”

Chan felt his heart smile. “Well, it's okay, we don't need to see fireflies... I don't like bugs anyway.”

He had a joking tone, meant for you to laugh, and he didn't fail at that. You just found yourself chortling at what he said because you knew it was somewhat sincere.

“The fireflies are really beautiful,” You commented, looking ahead at the darkness of the forest. “I will make sure to take you here again to see them.”

“I'll wait for that then, but you don't need to wait to tell me that you adore me,” Chan replied, putting his arm around your shoulders to help you stabilize and comfort you. “I mean, you already make me feel special everyday. Who needs lightning bugs? You're already the sun of my world, I don't need anything else.”

You chuckled softly and confessed, “I thought you were gonna say that I was already like a lightning bug, but fortunately, you called me the sun instead.”

Chan chuckled and looked forward, where in the distance, he saw the faint blink of a neon yellowish light with a tint of green.

You dropped your head, and commented quietly, “Still, I think we wasted our time coming up here.”

There was a silence of words as Chan stared at the firefly, subconsciously reaching his hand out toward it. It flew rhythmically, from left to right, high to low, eventually landing on Chan's hand. You were staring at the ground, still bummed, when you felt a slight tap on your shoulder.

You looked up and were met with a cute little beetle. The bottom of the beetle was glowing and its little light was somehow enough. You and Chan looked at each other, amazed at the little beauty. You both smiled, your eyes reflecting the bug's neon glow, your eyes following it as it flew off into the distance.

“I think the climb was worth it,” Chan said, turning to you. He took your hand and gave it a soft kiss. “We got to see a firefly like what you wanted.”

“That's not what I wanted, I wanted a whole pack of them. It would have made this meadow light up like a magical land!” You smiled as you complained, knowing that you felt satisfied.

Chan clapped his hands together. “I've never seen a firefly up close but it looked and made this land so magical, it almost felt unreal. Anyway, I'm happy to have come here with you. It felt special.”

You smiled, chuckling at your boyfriend's simple but sincere words. You could tell that not one of his words was an exaggeration even if it did seem like it since the sentences were so brazen.

“Thank you,” Chan said, brushing his thumb across your hand softly.

You didn't know how to respond. You just felt euphoric at the beautiful moment, making it seem like a hundred fireflies were lighting up the place brilliantly when there was only darkness and the flashlight from your phone as a light source.

You felt thankful to that one lightning bug that was like a blessing.

Noticing the shifting weather, Chan slipped his hand away from your shoulder, walked in front of you, and crouched down. You couldn't see his face but you were sure that he was smiling as he said the next sentence in a gentle voice.

“Climb on, honey, let's head back.”

---------------

© serenityseventeen

a/n: Today's IN THE SOOP ep made me cry- I cried when Seungkwan and Chan had their talk at the Tarp Zone because that was so wholesome and just so- beautiful to see them care for each other... But then I must've looked crazy because after that, I began laughing when they began reminiscing their past lol (and why are they so effortlessly funny lol) + I need to get that Dino fic done... I don't want to work on many things simultaneously, I can see the end!! + And guys- what if- what if i become a dinonara!?!? considering switching my bias to dino, sorry wonu... but I might not change??

[haikyuu-appreciation-club]

(TW Abuse, TW Family problems, TW Mental abuse, TW Emotional abuse, TW physical abuse)

Could you do headcanons for Bokuto where he finds out his s/o was emotionally, mentally, and sometimes physically abused by her family in the past?❤ I was thinking they're aged up because for this request the reader isn't living with her family anymore and Bokuto didn't know the reader back then so that's why I said he finds out. I hope I explained that well😂

ty for the request love, i hope i did it justice <3 (it’s kinda long lol)

sorry it took me a bit to get to, i haven’t been in the best headspace lately and lost a little motivation to write but i’m getting back on it

alsooo I hope you don’t mind but I added Kuroo as well

TW (trigger warning)

•How Bokuto + Kuroo Would React to Past Abuse•

warnings: mentions of abuse (physical, mental, + emotional), mentions of family issues, mentions of argument, a few curse words

genre: comfort + a little angst

characters: Bokuto + Kuroo

•Bokuto•

you and bokuto had been dating for quite a while now

you got together your third year of highschool and were currently in your second year of college

you were over the moon when bokuto offered to get a shared apartment near the campus you two would be attending

not only would this be an opportunity to take a new step with your boyfriend but you would also finally be able to leave the abusive household you had been tethered to your whole life

you had never really opened up to bokuto about your home life or the situation you were in with your family before you moved in with him

he was busy with volleyball and school and you didn’t want to overwhelm him with your issues

honestly the main thing was you didn’t know how he would react and that scared you the most

bokuto didn’t really think anything serious was going on with you until you two had moved in with one another

during your high school days, you and bokuto didn’t spend as much time together as you do now and his brain was too fast pace to even take a second to really acknowledge your responses or expressions certain days

he wasn’t completely clueless back then though, he noticed certain things but you always seemed to have an excuse for them

he didn’t miss the way you constantly apologized or seemed to accept fault for situation after situation even if it wasn’t your doing you had told him it was something you had done out of politeness since you were younger

he had noticed some slight bruising or cuts from time to time you usually told him you fell down or bumped into a desk the day before

he definitely didn’t miss how you would occasionally flinch at his touch or if he raised his voice at you you told him he just startled you is all

you were able to worm your way out of opening up to him every time up until now that is

sitting on the couch in your shared apartment, you had gotten a text message about a last minute family reunion that weekend

this took you by surprise, honestly you never thought you’d get invited to another family event

you were quick to start typing a reply to let everyone know that you wouldn’t be coming 

bokuto noticed your short deny to their offer and gently grabbed both or your wrists which stopped you before you hit send

“hey hey hey baby, why aren’t you going? we don’t have any plans this weekend and it would be a good opportunity for me to finally meet the rest of your family and get to know your parents better!”

 bokuto was always so cheerful and optimistic well outside of his emo mode you didn’t know how to say no to that

but you had to say no, you were finally free of them and you couldn’t give them any opportunity to shove you back into your old headspace you tried so hard to crawl out of 

“ko, we can’t go.”

bokuto was definitely confused by your response, I mean there wasn’t anything keeping you two from going

wait, did you not want your family to meet him or something?

his hair fell a bit as sadness clouded his heart

you already knew what he was thinking

“oh no ko, it’s nothing to do with you. I promise.”

his hair lifted slightly with those words

but if it wasn’t him then what was it?

“Is there something wrong Y/N?”

he seated himself down next to you 

you sighed, realizing it was finally time to come clean

you explained your whole situation and what you had to go through to bokuto, staring at the floor the entire time

his heart had broke into a million pieces

how could anyone ever dream of doing something like this to someone like you

he couldn’t believe that his s/o had been this hurt

even more, he couldn’t believe he accepted those stupid excuses and left you to hurt on your own

immidiently you were engulfed in a warm hug

bokuto could not stop whispering loving words into your neck

he needed you to know how much he loved you, how he would never in a million years hurt you like you’d been hurt in the past

you were his everything, his world

and he would love you and protect you with everything he had

•Kuroo•

you and kuroo had started dating in college

you had been assigned to share a dorm room with him on campus and after getting to know each other, you both had ended up falling for one another.

now, after graduating, you two had gotten an apartment together and were leading happy lives for the most part

you had never mentioned anything about your past to kuroo

school and work had kept him stressed throughout the entirety of your relationship and you didn't feel like adding something else to the pile

besides, that was all in the past

you had met him after you had moved out and you no longer had to deal with your parent’s constant abuse

it seemed pointless to you to bring up something that had already occurred

however, you knew you couldn't avoid the subject forever

what you didn’t know was that you would have to spit it out so soon

you and kuroo had gotten into an argument

you and him bickered from time to time as all couples do but this time it was more intense then usual

he had wanted to meet your parents for quite a while now but every time he brought it up you would either come up with an excuse or completely shut him down

“I just don’t see what's the fucking problem, I'm starting to thing you’re ashamed of our relationship or something. Is this your way of telling me you're done or something?”

“No Tetsuro, that’s not it at all. You don’t understand.”

“Then please Y/N, help me understand because I really don’t get it.”

“It’s not you, it’s them. The last thing I want to do is see them again. Please Tetsuro, I need you to understand that. I’m so tired of fighting right now.”

kuroo froze

you were on the brink of tears when that last sentence left your mouth.

he wrapped you in a tight hug

“I’m sorry baby, I should have took the time to listen instead of automatically hopping on your ass. Can we sit down and talk about this?”

Agreeing, your took a seat on the bed with him and begun to explain your past situation and your reasoning

kuroo felt a mixture of guilt, anger, and sadness bubble up in him

how could he be so selfish and blind 

even though he didn't know you when this was a frequent issue, you had given many signs that you had been through something traumatic

he never brought it up because he didn’t want to push you, thinking you would let him know when you were ready

but he now realized he could have saved you from carrying this burden on your own much sooner

hearing what you had been put through and how it affected you crushed him

you meant the world to him and to find out you had been treated in such an awful way hurt him more then anything had before

he apologized to you for his behavior and let you know that you never had to do anything that made you uncomfortable for his sake

he held you in his arms once more and mumbled words of comfort into your ears

he was your new home and he would make sure you were loved each and every day

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[sailorspazz]

I agree that even though this was quite short, a lot of different things were packed in, and that little bit of setup just makes me pumped for the competition to come! Though I do primarily read this series for the romance aspect, the sports part is quite compelling, too, especially after all the buildup we've gotten. I honestly didn't think we'd see another competition get focus before the 10 Dance occurred, but this could potentially turn into something that plays out over a few chapters like the Japan Open did, which means it might go all the way to the end of vol. 7.

Before the chapter came out, and knowing that Max would be in it since Sugiki was shown in the preview image reading books at his house, I was so worried about what horrible things he might do. Luckily, this was a case of Max behaving, and I wonder if we're supposed to consider him redeemed now after how awful he was early on. I still don't trust him, though, even if (for now) he seems to have calmed down. Is he asking about Sugiki's father because he wants to become the father figure he was missing? I mean, I always thought he probably wanted Sugiki to call him "daddy", but in a different way lol.

Dance comp means the return of the Dance With crew! And with the additional surprise of hinting that Urashima and Aki seem to be starting up a relationship?! Definitely didn't have that on my 10 Dance bingo card (the card is things i joked about that came true in the worst way possible, and fluffy headcanons that are probably years away from being possible). I'm glad she's moving on after the shitty abusive boyfriend plot from earlier in the story, and Urashima is someone who understands her profession and won't get jealous of her partnership with Suzuki. I assume that Mukai will also show up here, and we can see how far he's advanced in his Suzuki fanboyism. I wonder if Toshinobu will also be working at the event in some capacity? We really never got his reaction to being "betrayed" by his son, other than the Gendou-pose clasped hands concealing a grin. I'd like to hear thoughts from him as Suzuki keeps getting more famous.

All Suzuki got to do was stand around and look pretty, which is fine, he's good at that heh heh. But it also gave us the first peek of his tattoo in three whole years! Clearly he doesn't take his clothes off enough if we haven't seen it in that long...

Norman, oh Norman...I really didn't expect this, especially after chapter 38, but I find myself liking him more and more?? When he first came back to the story, there was a lot of moping over his sister, which then turned to his and Suzuki's devastating choice to "comfort" each other. And in this chapter he seemed a bit guilty about it when he first saw Sugiki, but then quickly turned around to look amused once he figured out Sugiki is the one Suzuki loves. I feel like he's going to mess with Sugiki a bit, and for some reason I'm rooting for him to be a troublemaker. Maybe him stirring up shit will finally get those two dumb idiots to decide to figure things out. And yeah, Sugiki looks so shaken just from Suzuki's name that I can't help but feel he'll falter somehow at this competition. Whether being mentally thrown off from Suzuki being there (after he apparently went cold turkey and had no contact or even news about him), or his injury flaring up, I just get the feeling that it'll be rough for him. Maybe he'll still win just by virtue of how far ahead he is of the rest of the competitors, but it might not pretty. And I can't help but think ahead to what might happen afterward, knowing the Shinyas' track record of poor impulse control with each other when competing (all of the heaviest makeout sessions we saw were after competitions), knowing they have hotel rooms right there...but I'm getting ahead of myself, as this could be a story that plays out over several chapters. I'll look forward to each bit we get; even if it's only about 10 pages a month like we got here, I trust each section will be jampacked with interesting bits.

10 Dance - chapter 39, part 1 summary

The day of the Japan International Dance Competition arrives, and both Shinyas are on-site getting ready to compete. Sugiki encounters Norman along the way, and their conversation leads Norman to an important realization.

Full summary and highlight images under the cut.

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[zebra-warrior]

Five things I'm greatful for and then some.

1. My parents. I honestly couldn't ask for a better set of parents than I have. As a kid we didn't have much money. My parents wanted to purchase a nice house to raise me in so I had the best environment to grow up in possible but in choosing the home they did everyting else was very tight but they never made it feel that way. Back in the day when crafting and building things were less expensive than buying them (boy have things changed with crafting) if we didn't have someting they would make it. I remember a lot of my friends would have birthday parties at places like Chuck E. Cheese, Magic Mountain, the Zoo or a skating rink. My parants didn't really have the money to do that and what they had they would have rather spent on a nice present for me so my mom would decorate the house and my dad would go out and mow the grass really short. They would dig holes in the ground and put PVC pipe in the holes that my dad would get at work from the dumpster and turn our back yard into a put put course. They would put up a vollyball net and crochet set and we would use big workshop vice grip clamps and turn them upside down as putters. The house they bought already had a swing set and swimming pool so I would have pool parties and with magic mountain in my own back yard. It was a lot of work but not a lot of money even though to me it felt like they spent a fortune. Everyone always looked forward to my birthday parties as a kid. They were always a bit hit. Not to mentuon sidewalk chalk was someting they also would splurge on so setting up the driveway with lots of fun stuff was something my dad liked to do. He used to like drawing with chalk as much as I did. As I got older they always made things work. When I began getting bullied at school I was switched to a private home school coop. Which my great grandma who was also the best grandma ever paid for knowing my parents couldn't and she couldn't stand seeing me hurt the way I was but my mom would drive me 35 minutes to school, drive almost an hour to work then after work wound drive almost an hour to pick me up and then 35 minutes back home every day for 3 years until I got my driver's license. She was so excited for me to get my license she took me a month early for my T

temps. I told her it was too early and she said it wasn't and whan I got there they said come back next month lol. I never wanted to drive. I was always afraid but she couldn't get me to the BMV fast enough lol. My parents also taught me a lot about the value of money and work ethic and now say they taught me too well because I'm known to shop for several months for something more costly that I need like contact lenses in order to find the best price, all coupons and all rebates and sales available. I got my first job at age 11 and was able to buy my first car myself, pay for college myself without taking out one loan and buy my first home outright and as a foreclosure to remodel and fix up how I wanted it to look. My second car was the only thing I've ever taken out a loan on. When I got sick and OSU tried to put me in a nursing facility my parents offered to help me sell my house and take me back in with open arms so I could be cared for in their home instead of a long term care facility. They still help me to this day cooking for me, driving me to appointments when I can't use transportation services, cleaning and helping me bathe myself. I now pay them rent and utilities as well as half of groceries and personal needs of my dog and myself not because I think for a second they would dump me into a long term care faculty if I didnvt but because it's the right thing to do. This ties in with family but I'm so very greatful and thankful to still have my mom. She was on life support after having her liver cut into during a botched surgery which resulted in a full blown liver rupture. It was the hands down the scariest moment of my life. We weren't sure she would make it and her doctors couldnt even give us that reassurance but she did everyting ahead of schedule and all I had to hold on to was her promise that she wasn't going anywhere. She kept that promises and on the day she was released the nurse that called when she began crashing came into the room shocked she was alive and admitted that she was sure my mom wasn't going to make it and that was the end for her. She was completely amazed my mom was still here. My mom was caught in the battle of her life, a battle she should have never had to fight and now has PTSD because of the experience but she's alive. My mom is here. I know a lot of adults have already lost a parent and I can't imagine the pain. Having my parants bring really the only family members I have a close relationship with and being my caregivers, I don't know what I wouls do without them. I would probably be in some nursing home somewhere without them. With my dad has Autism, though he was able to work, my mom paid bills, did most of the shopping as my dad can't use a debit card. But my mom does most of the money, paperwork and phone call related stuff for him so I can't imagine how life would even be able to continue without her. Or my dad. They both have two totally different rolls and being disabled I need them more than ever so I couldn't be happier this is in the past but couldn't be more upset or had to happen to begin with. In Ohio doctors are protected against medical malpractice and though she almost lost her life and will have life long physical complications and likely somewhat shorter of a life due to these complications she will never get the revenge she deserves and the doctor didn't even get a slap on the hand for what he did to her body and with now having PTSD, her mind.

2. Maggie: This dog has rolled with the punches and adapted flawlessly. She's my best friend and fur daughter. She picked up cardiac alert from my last baby Sandy and took to training to be able to use that ability as a career line a champ. I have seen her blossom from the puppy from heck. (no offend Ma-mag) but she would literally rip wallpaper off the wall with her teeth, it took 8 months to housebreak her and there was no such thing as no in her dictionary. She got into everything but I've since learned that was only because she was so intelligent and always curious because once she began training she excelled and grew into the most trusting and obedient dog I've ever had. Not only that but she thrived on structure. When working she walks on the leash beside me just fine but when I put her on my lap at that point nothing can stop her. She sits up all straight, sticks her chest out and thinks her poop doesn't smell. My lap is her thrown. I don't mind because she can alert just as well up there as she can waking, if not better because she doesnt have to try as hard to get my attention in loud and busy places. Not only is she obedient but when she's not formally working, even at 8 years old she's still very playfil and silly, always doing things to make me laugh or my heart melt. She's a velcro dog so I've always got a snuggle buddy and someone to keep me warm and my face coated in a layer if dog spit lol. I got her the day before I got my first pacemaker and she was the first one to sit at my bedside when I came out if surgery for my second one. As I went from a much closer to healthy individual who would take her on long walks and when stuck in a terrible relationship I would walk she and Sandy some days for several hours a day, sitting around the pond eating snacks, going into every store in walking distance that allowed pets and exploring the neighborhood to much sicker, in a chair with her only real walks occurring when she worked outside the home and a much more stagnant lifestyle Maggie never loved me any less, if anyting she loved me more because to my surprise she fell in love with my wheelchair and head over hills for my powerchair. When I turn my power chair on it makes a chiming sound and whan she hears that sound she makes a mad dash for the room I'm in begging for a ride. In her mind these changes in my life had made me no less the mommy to her as I was before. She is one person (yes I will call her a person) who I can count on to always love me no matter what. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I woukd he here. This conditon has made me want to go to bed and not wake up more than once and she's saved me every time and I can't thank her enough for being such a good girl.

3. My neighbor Pam has been my neighbor since I was 5 years old so she's been in my life most of my life and much more than any family member outside my household has ever been. She's basically my aunt or a second mom to me. As a kid she helped in reaching me the value of money and hard work my giving me my first two jobs at age 11. She has me clean her primates cages and prepare food for them not only teaching me the values of good, hard work but further fostering my love for animals. She's always had the primates as well as dogs and cats I would take care of when she was out of town. I was the first kid I knew to have a real job even if it was part time. It wasn't much later that I began babysitting her grandson who even now that he's grown and I no longer talk to him, I think if him as a little brother to me. He was the most well behaved kid I ever babysat and boy was it an eye opener when I started babysitting a lot of other kids in the neighborhood and saw how some kids can really act lol. Pam has always been there for me and my family. She would take me on summer trips sometimes like I remeber a trip to Wyndot Lake that really was a blast and she has always treated me like family. We have a key to her house and she has one to ours. When I got to the age I could stay home alone I never woried too much about if I couldnt find my key or the screen door was locked because I always knew she was just a short walk away if I needed help. She watchs our houses and we watch hers contacting each other if we see anyone or anyting unusual. She comes over each year for Christmas dinner and will occasionally surprise my parents by bringing over a soup she made or some cookies she baked and last summer sent a Chimney Sweep to our house because she knew my mom needed a break and we like to have fires in the winter but haven't had our Chimney cleaned in a while. For my 16th birthday she took my awe dry car to her business at the airport to clear coat it with the same material used to clear coat jets and whan I got sick I didn't have to worry because she is always nearby. Before I got transportation services she was always willing to drive me to my medical appointments and with Corona, she helped with shopping. Over the summer we could pick anyone in our family to go on a trip to the zoo with us my dad's last year of work and we chose my neighbors and had a great time. We may not be family by blood but my neighbor is my family. Not many people are lucky enough to have a neighbor they get along with or even care for yet ours is closer than extended family and for that I'm thankful.

4. My home. I couldn't be more lucky when my parents bought this house. It's almost as if they knew that when I grew up I would be in a chair. We live in a one story floor plan with a kitchen. That has an island in the middle so if I have someting I hand its still easy to just grab the counter and zip around in a circle to any part of the kitchen I need to get to. Before the passing of my grandma, she used a walker and wheelchair so my dad had already installed a ramp in our garage so I went into this journey with access to my home. My home is also set up so my dad found easily set up a ramp onto the back porch. I have always had a large bedroom, bigger than most people I know. It's similar in size to a master bedroom and being in a chair, thats very much a necessity now. In a chair you need a lot more room to navigate an area efficiently. Of course my home is far from perfect. The bathrooms are much too small to be truly accessable so I have to make due with what I have and my bathroom. Needs despiratly to be remodeled. Unfortunatly the bath tub that was put into my bathroom could quite possibly be the most unexcwssable bathtub for someone in a wheelchair in existence. I don't have a pull down closet nor do I have pull down cabinets in the kitchen or appliances I can easily use. I don't have a stove that rises and lowers or countertops that are at my height it an elevating powerchair to be able to reach those areas. Even the microwave is a Hazzard but as far as manuverability we have that. I can access every too. In our home except our basement and one part of a bathroom we have. It would be easier to menuvour here if my parants didn't have so mucb stuff and such big bulky furniture it I think that's also part of living with my parents. They have more life experience and more stuff but it's doable. Not everyone is lucky enough. After becoming disabled to have a home that's usable or has porential. Many were forced to move after getting sick or disabled. I was forced to move out of my home but my parents home is usable and I can't be more happy for this home.

5. Doctor Joseph and his staff. I went 30 years of my life unable to get help for this condition slowely robbing more and more from my body. When I came across Dr Joseph they were something I had never seen in the medical community. This was all new to me. I entered into a facility of four of the most caring and compassionate individuals I've ever encountered. I finally found a doctor who specializes in my conditon and he was just over a half hour away. But only was he familliar with the disease but also the comorbidities, Misconceptions, PTSD we have all faced from others who hold some form of medical degree and how we likely have no one to advocate for us and we have been on our own literally fighting through the pain and suffering. For appropriate medical treatment to only be dealt more pain and suffering. When he took me on I was the sickest I've ever been in my life and I so much pain I frankly can't believe I hadn't taken my life much before even hearing about him not only did he take me on as a patient knowing how big of a project I would be after over 200 doctors in the past saw me and just pushed me off but he never gave up, hasn't given up and I don't see him giving up on me in the future. His staff has fought tooth and nail with insurance companies on my behalf, files formal complaints about hospital care for me, brought me in on days they were fully booked to try to help me and spent weekends and holidays on the phone with my mom and the hospital angerly fighting with them to do the right thing and provide appropriate care. They may have not listened to him, learned to hate him and failed me terribly but at least I can't say my doctor and his staff didn't try. His wife came in on her day off to fight with my insurance company and they have helped me find the right goverment officials to contact with problems. The goverment officials may not have done anything but again, at least I can say they tried and that says a lot about a doctor. I. Not on the best treatment and the battle still continues to get me into a surgeon, gst testing completed and fight for more than the fifth or sixth best medication. They treat me no different than they would treat their own family members and that is something I've never seen in a doctor. I have seen improvement. It may not be as much as they would like but every bit of improovment is because the continue to fight to me, continue to teach me to advocate for myself and refuse to give up on me just because I'm a complicated case. I couldn't thank his office more for what they have done and continue to do each day.

I know that's five but just to list a few, I'm thankful for my late dog Sandy, my late Great Grandma, nature and other non harmful animals that cross my path, my local church, my online friends and the availability of support groups, the internet, with the virus I'm thankful for the new door that has opened for those of us who are homebound with all of these vertual tours and other New online resources that open the world up to us from our beds and couches, that I still have my mind, my manual and powerchair as I would have no way to access anyting, including my own house without them, the nice days after the ground has dried up and I'm able to roll around my yard and around the garden. To re-establish a love for crafting. My cricut and sewing machine and mich more. So just because there are things I'm very upset with in this world doesn't mean there aren't things I'm thankful for.

#myEDSchallenge #myHSDchallenge