#which sucks bc i truly do want to stay close to my family because i’m keenly aware of time passing and all of our healths but also…my soul..

[faarkas]

Just wanted to send support as someone who has an abusive mom that you will be free one day and your pain and upset is valid even though the people in your life try their best to make you believe otherwise.

Hang in there

This shits hard enough as an only child you are living a nightmare scenario as the punching bad kid. So i see you i feel you. You’re doing great just by meeting every new day as they come.

thank you my liege 🙏 it’s hard because I know she doesn’t really mean to (severe mental illness from a very traumatic upbringing and then she did a lot of work to try to heal from that but brain damage and no proper support after an accident that has left her largely bedridden has really. undid a lot of that.) and I’m not an angel but she ends up saying and doing the most hurtful shit. then she gets upset and flips it on you when you’re like bro that wasn’t ok and. yeah. anyway! i’m sure you understand and I really really truly appreciate the support. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this stuff too, it’s demoralizing on another level 🙏😔💕

[coffinlid]

If y’all wanna hear some shit read below the cut. It’s a lot. Sorry 🩷

OK SO! Yesterday I go into work at 4 and one of my coworkers immediately tells me that the restaurant is closed Saturday. I was like oh ok…. Why? Like shut down for the day or…. And he said no like the business is shutting down forever. He kinda jumped the gun bc soon after the director of operations (Pete) gathers all of the evening crew around and lets us know the situation.

(I’m gonna try to explain some context without being confusing. The company I work for owns 3 restaurants. The restaurant I work at is technically not owned by them, but they manage it for the original owner/landlord. The landlord (who fucked off to the Dominican Republic because he’s in trouble with the law) saw our finances for the first time in like a year and decided to just shut it all down. He has no restaurant experience and doesn’t understand the concept of slow season in the food world. Yes, business has been slow since November. However, we are ALWAYS popping off spring-fall. Business BOOMS. Well. Landlord guy gave our company an ultimatum.)

Pete explains that himself, the CEO, and I guess some of the other corporate people tried reasoning with landlord and even just begged to let the restaurant stay open until spring when business picks up. Landlord said they could do 3 things:

1. Buy the restaurant from him for an astronomical amount

2. Continue to run the restaurant but with absolutely no financial support from him from now on (which we were already kind of doing for a year…)

3. Shut down the whole bitch

Our company can’t afford to keep the restaurant with no support so they had to concede to landlord and just shut the whole thing down. And it had to be on Saturday. There was no reasoning with him. This took absolutely EVERYBODY by surprise. EVERYBODY, including corporate and head management of the restaurant, got a total of 2! DAYS! of notice.

I could tell when I walked into work yesterday that Pete and my two managers had been crying a lot. I know the GM is gonna float between the other restaurants as a training coordinator, but I have no clue what’s gonna happen to the assistant manager bc there are no other management positions available in the company. She’s pretty much just been hung out to dry. With 2 days notice.

My front of house and back of house coworkers were all discussing where we’re gonna go from here and what the fuck we do now. 2 days to find a new job. Everybody was scrambling to get each other’s socials so we can all keep in touch. This fucking sucks dude. I loved coming into work just for my coworkers, not even the work itself. I know it’s a cliche that companies call themselves a “family” but honestly truly we really were a little family.

Pete wants us all to stay within the company if we can, and I know at least 3 of us are going to transfer to one of the other restaurants. It’s technically not the end of the world, at least for servers. But I have no clue if the other restaurants have any space for back of house employees. I know I’m never gonna see some of these people ever again.

And we have a whole ass brewery in the back. And we JUST CHANGED THE MENU AND INVESTED IN ALL THIS OTHER SHIT JUST LAST FRIDAY!!!! We had 1 week with the new menu and that’s it. Everything is completely stocked. There are so many fixtures and plants and technology, so much new merch that we just bought.

Somehow a mass text went out to all the other stores and restaurants on our street that we were shutting down and we had so many people walking in to share their condolences. But this text went out before most of the restaurant even knew about it. So when they came in some of us were like uh… what are you talking about…. How the fuck did that happen???? No one knows who sent the text.

On the bright side, I got a SHIT TON of sympathy tips last night and made almost $200.

It was going to be my last night since I wasn’t scheduled for the next 2 days but thankfully my manager added me to the roster for Saturday night. So I will be there for the end of it all 🥲

[kkyaka]

Next Door

Summary: You're back from college for the summer, and your next door best friend became even hotter (I suck ass at summaries)

Pairing: Connie Springer x black!fem!reader

Word Count: 6000

Warnings: best friends to lovers, neighbors to lovers (?), accidental voyeurism, little bit of sexual tension, confession of feelings, fingering (f), virgin!reader, protected sex, multiple orgasms, handjob, blowjob, little bit of dirty talk (?), aftercare (i think I covered it all, let me know if I didn't)

A/N: Reposting this bc it didn't show up in the darn tags 😑. This isn't my best work, but I'm just happy that I finished it tbh. If it doesn't do well? Oh well. Lmfao, I just wanted to get this out bc I have so many more WIPs, and I was almost done with this one. If this doesn't work, idk if I'll repost it again lol

Being home from college means a lot of different things for different people. Some people hate it, missing the freedom that they had in college. Others love it, especially if they move a good distance away from their families. You fall somewhere in the middle. You still have your freedom, but you really don't have anyone to enjoy that freedom with.

High school wasn't your favorite phase of your life, but you were able to make friends that you're still in contact with today. The problem was that they weren't free to hang with. You tried to make plans with them right as school got out, but they quickly fell through, so you're spending the beginning of your summer wondering how in the hell you're going to pass the time.

With truly nothing else to do, you decide to unpack some of your stuff, and you push open the curtains covering your windows before opening them up. Opening up the last one, you realize that it's the same window that faces Connie's house. You falter a little bit in your movements as the memories flood back into your head.

You moved into the neighborhood right before you started third grade. You were upset and scared because you had no friends, and you were going to a new school. You remember the first time you opened the window, conveniently doing it at the same time as him. You were too nervous to say anything, but he gladly spoke up first, introducing himself.

You both didn't go to the same school, much to your dismay, but he quickly became one of your best friends. You hung out after school, during the weekends, on your breaks. He made the move much more bearable, and you don't know where you would be without him.

Although, it wasn't until you got to high school that you started to develop feelings for him. You tried to blame it on the fact that you weren't really getting any attention at school, but the harder you tried to deny it, the more you realized that that wasn't the case.

You never said anything though because you found out that you weren't going to be together much longer. He was older than you by a couple of years, and he was heading to college, leaving you to tackle the last two years of high school by yourself. He still managed to call you every now and then, which definitely helped, but it wasn't the same.

When it was your turn to go to college, you were going to a college that was a couple of hours away, and he was staying, deciding that he wanted to stay close to home with his family. You didn't blame him, and saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing you had to do.

You haven't seen him since you've been back, and you don't know if you want to. You tried so hard to get over him, but he's not someone that you could just get over. You shake yourself out of memory lane, getting back on track to unpacking your stuff with a loud sigh.

Opening up that window seemed to open the floodgates because it seems like for the past couple of days, you've been thinking about Connie nonstop. You've started to avoid going out of the house in fear that you might run into him. What would you even say? You wouldn't even begin to know how to start a conversation with him.

You tell yourself to just get over yourself, opting to just forget about your conflict. You open the front door, grimacing at the heat that's coming from the outside before walking down your driveway to check the mail. You're going through it, slowly walking back up to your house when you hear clanking coming from your left.

You look up, seeing the garage door at Connie's house open. You stop in your tracks, chewing on your lip as you wonder if it would be a good idea to see if it's Connie. You don't have much time to think because he comes into view, stepping out from behind his car, or more like stumbling out. You chuckle softly, watching as he wipes the sweat from his forehead.

Seeing him makes you question why you were even worried in the first place. You give yourself a quick pep talk before you head over to his house. He's looking through the shelves in the garage, swearing when he drops something.

"Hey," you call out when you get to the garage. He jumps, dropping what was in his hand as he turns around. The fear on his face turns into a bright smile as he walks toward you.

"'Sup, baby! I haven't seen you in ages!" You can't help but laugh as he brings you into a hug. "When did you get back?" he asks, keeping his hands on your shoulders when he pulls away.

"A few days ago," you say. "I've been seeing family and unpacking." Being this close to him makes you realize that he's not the same boy you said goodbye to a year ago.

He's gotten taller, a little bit more tan, and you don't ever remember him being this built before. You didn't even realize he was shirtless until now, and you swallow heavily when you notice. He's got a tattoo on his arm, and an ear piercing, and that crush you had starts to come back in full form.

"Cool, cool. You look amazing by the way, how was your first year of college?" You feel your face flush warm at the sudden compliment, almost losing your thoughts, but you remained focused on the conversation.

"Oh, thanks," you respond softly. "It was pretty good, a lot better than I expected. You look great, too," you add, and you sound so lame, but he doesn't seem to care, probably too excited to see you again.

"I'm glad it went well for you," he answers, and he crosses his arms over his chest, which makes you focus on his the way the muscles in his arms move. "Speaking of that," he says, and you're glad he changes the subject because you weren't really sure how to continue. "A friend told me about this show that I know you would love. And since you're back, I thought we could watch it together."

You feel so many things run through you at the thought of hanging out with him again, but you're easily accepting. "Yeah, I'm definitely free, so my couch is always open," you laugh, and his smile seems to get even bigger.

"Awesome! Well, I should get back to working on this car," he says, pointing over his shoulder. "It was good to see you again. Seriously."

"Yeah, you too," you say, taking a step back.

"And I'll be over sooner rather than later to watch that show." He sends you a wink that definitely doesn't make you melt, and you laugh as you nod, walking back towards your house.

"I'll be waiting." And it's not a lie because you literally have nothing else to do but wait. You get back to your house, close the door, and rest your weight on it. You try to fight your giddiness, but you let it out for once before you finally calm yourself down.

Waiting just made you even more anxious though. It was a couple of days before he was even able to come over, having things to do and catch up on, and you currently had the house to yourself because your parents wanted to go on a vacation for their anniversary.

You were close to pulling your hair out waiting, and you decided that a shower might help, thinking that it was the heat that was getting to you. You feel much more relaxed when you get out, walking to your room with a clearer head. You throw your towel on the bed, the specific clothes you wanted to wear in your suitcase because of course they were.

You're going through your clothes when you hear your name being called. You jump, yelping loudly as you quickly cover yourself, looking around for the voice. You look towards your window, your eyes widening and your heart dropping in mortification when you see that it's open.

"Sorry for scaring you," you hear, recognizing the familiar voice, and you can only see Connie's hand peeking out from his window. "I just wanted to let you know that you left it open. I didn't see anything, I swear."

"T-Thanks," you sigh, and you quickly shut the window and the curtains before you fall to the floor, putting your face in your hands and groaning loudly.

~

You didn't move for a while, a million thoughts running through your head, and you finally put your clothes on when you got over your embarrassment. Connie texted you later that day saying that he was free, and you almost canceled. There was no way you were going to be able to have a normal conversation with him now; your face fuming at the thought of being in the same room as him after what happened.

He said he didn't see anything, and you keep repeating that in your head, but it doesn't make you feel that much better. You take a deep breath when you hear the doorbell ring, trying to think positive thoughts as you walk towards it.

Your hands are shaking when you open the door, your eyes meeting a beaming Connie on the other side. "Trust me, you're gonna love this show," he says, walking in when you step to the side. You laugh easily, feeling a sense of comfort come over you as he sits down on the couch.

You sit down next to him as he pulls up the show, and right as he's about to play it, he jumps up, saying that you need snacks. You watch as he runs to the kitchen, and you look at the TV, noting that the show does look like something that you would watch.

He comes back with a bunch of drinks and snacks all in his arms, setting them down on the coffee table in front of you before he sits back down next to you. He's definitely closer to you than he was before. Way closer than he was before, and you can feel the heat coming from him as his body pressed into yours.

You're not really feeling hungry, so you grab a soda, popping the tab open and you take a long sip. You're secretly wishing it was alcohol because it's definitely going to be a long night.

The first episode has you pretty glued in, and you and Connie nurse your drinks through the first episode, but halfway through the second, you're focused on his arm that's made its way behind you. He relaxed further into the couch with a sigh, spreading his legs a little wider, and you breathe out slowly as you press your legs together.

You're starting to sweat, your mind starting to focus on if you should ask Connie if he saw anything earlier today when you got out of the shower. You make an excuse that you have to use the bathroom by the third episode, and Connie agrees, so you go upstairs while he uses the one downstairs. You press your hands against your face, feeling how warm your face is. You splash cold water on your face, trying to calm yourself down.

There's no reason for you to be thinking about your stupid crush that's slowly making you horny, which you partially blame on how much he's changed. You hype yourself up before you leave, taking another deep breath and leaving the bathroom.

Connie's not back yet, and you sit down, trying to recall what happened in the second episode. When he gets back, he's still in your space, and you notice that he's a bit warmer than before, but there's no part of you that minds. You ask him to talk about what happened in the second episode, and you both laugh when neither of you can't really remember.

He offers for you to watch it again, and you agree. He turns it back on, but this time as you start to get comfortable, he actually lets his arm rest on your shoulders. You tense for a second but relax shortly after, resting your head on his shoulder, which feels much more firm than you remember.

You can focus a little bit better this time because you remember some of the stuff that you caught before, so you're able to piece stuff together. At one point, you look down, Connie's tattoo catching your eye, so you poke at it when you ask him about it.

He rolls his sleeve up so that you can see it fully. "I got it last year," he says, and you notice that some parts of it look familiar.

"Why?" you ask curiously, and he laughs sheepishly as he scratches his head.

"Uh, you could say I was missing someone," he starts, and you hate how your heart sinks. "And this is her favorite show." Now you feel like shit because that was the show that you and Connie watched together all the time in high school.

"Is she a girlfriend or something?" you find yourself asking, looking away from him.

"Oh, no," he answers. "Um, I've liked her for a long time but I don't know if she feels the same way." You nod, but you don't respond, suddenly wanting to take shelter in your room.

"Well, have you said something to her?" You don't know why you're entertaining this, and you look up at him. Being this close to his face only makes your feelings for him even stronger, and you're just now noticing that his hair's grown out a little.

"I'm kinda scared to, to be honest," he sighs, meeting your eyes. "I don't wanna lose her." He doesn't take his eyes off of you, and you start to focus on his arm that's around you. He practically has you tucked into his side, and then you're thinking about what happened earlier.

"Um, Connie," you say, looking down. "Did you really not see anything earlier today?"

You hear his breath hitch, and you bite your lip as you wait for an answer which will determine what you should do with your feelings. He tilts your head up by your chin, and you have to remind yourself to breathe.

"Would you punch me in the dick if I answered honestly?" he asks, and you laugh, shaking your head.

"No, I won't. I promise."

His gaze drops to your lips quickly before it goes back to your eyes, and you fight the urge to look away as you wait in anticipation. "I probably looked at you a lot longer than I should have," he whispers, and your face falls slightly in surprise.

"Really?"

He nods, and you grip his shirt when he leans in closer. "Yeah. You're the prettiest girl I've ever met, I couldn't look away." You nearly melt in excitement, the smile on your face so hard for you to fight. "I'm not a creep, I swear. I haven't done that in the past."

"I trust you," you whisper, huffing softly, and you take a deep breath before you say the next thing. "I like you, Connie." He freezes, and you look over his face for a reaction. You're about to retract when he doesn't move, feeling shame bubble up in your stomach, but then he suddenly kisses you.

You hum in surprise before you close your eyes and melt into him. He brings his hand to rest on your neck as your hand grips his shirt. You both pull away to breathe, but he's closing the distance soon after. You moan, wrapping your arms around his neck, and he grabs your leg, pulling you to sit on top of him.

"I've liked you for so long," he says against your lips before he moves to kiss down your jaw and towards your neck. "Fuck, I've always thought about this," he mumbles, and you're so overwhelmed with the feeling of his hands running over your body that you can't even respond.

You shudder when his hands make their way under your shirt, and he brings his head up to kiss you again, slowing letting his tongue slide in your mouth, your mouth pliant and easily letting him in. You let him take your shirt off, and he stops to look at your chest. You didn't wear a bra, wondering in the back of your head if part of you "forgot" since you knew that Connie was going to be coming over.

"Shit, they're even prettier up close." It's like he's in a trance as he cups them in his hands, and the moan that you make is louder than you expected it to be. He rolls his fingers around your nipples before leaning down to suck at them.

"C-Connie," you gasp, one hand digging into the couch while the other finds its way to his hair. He keeps his hand pressed on your back so that your chest is arched into him, and you feel tears forming in your eyes. You've never been touched like this before, and you're flooded with so much pleasure that you're not sure if you can take this any longer.

He groans against you as his fingers work into your shorts. You whimper, your legs squeezing around his when he rubs circles over clit. You pull on his hair, and he groans again, using his other hand to roll your hips against him, and that's when you feel it. You didn't notice before, but you can feel how hard he is under you, and you're shaking from all of the different stimulations.

"W-Wait, Connie," you stutter. "Connie, 'm gonna cum--" It's like you're on the edge of the cliff before you finally fall, and your hands grab his shirt like your life depends on it. You cum with his name on your lips, and you don't know if he can tell because he doesn't stop rolling your clit between his fingers.

You pat at his back, and he finally stops as the last of your orgasm flows through you. Your chest is heaving as you slump against him, sweat coating your skin. "Wait, did you--?"

"I've never...no one's ever," you try, nearly embarrassed at your admission, and he nudges your head up with his shoulder. You watch something glaze over his eyes when he looks at your face.

You're still shaking, your body attempting to recover from something it's never felt before. "Why didn't you say anything?" he asks, rubbing over your legs before he slides you off of him. He grabs your hand when he stands, pulling you towards your room. He kisses you when he gets to the door, pushing it open as he keeps his lips on yours, only pulling away when he gets to your bed. "The couch shouldn't be where your first time happens."

Your face gets hot again as he walks into your room, and he gently guides you to sit down on your bed. "I don't care where it happens," you say, your voice barely above a whisper, and he has to hover near your face to hear you. "I just care that it's you."

The smile he responds with makes you warm all over, and he moves you further up your bed, trapping your legs between his as he slides his shirt off. You raise yourself up so you can touch him, and you can see the outline of his dick in his shorts.

You run your hand over it, and he releases a shaky breath before he puts his hand over yours. "You don't have to," he tells you, but you shake your head, moving your hands to the waist of his shorts.

"I...wanna try," you say softly, and he lets his hands slide off of yours, and you tug his shorts down. You move your head back when his dick pops up, and there's nowhere else you can look. He's proportionate in width and length, biting your lip in anticipation of it being inside of you, and you wrap your hand around him gently making his hands ball into fists. You guide him towards your mouth, and you don't really know how to start, so you lick at his head.

You lick at him again when he moans, this time a little more confident, and then you take him into your mouth. He groans, letting his head fall back, and you suck at his head before you sink down on him.

"Damn," he chokes out, looking down at you as he tries to keep his hips still. You bop your head up and down, going further every time until you gag, and you pull away, coughing. You give yourself a moment to breathe before you swallow him again, and he places his hand on your face. "D-Don't hurt yourself, baby," he tries to tell you, but he's practically speechless.

You pull off of him with a string of saliva connecting your lips to him, giving yourself a breather, and you wrap your hand around him again. "Is this okay?" you ask, and he nods quickly, putting his hand over yours.

"Mmh, just a little tighter," he says, squeezing your hand just a little more, and he shudders. "Y-Yeah, just like that." You watch as you both stroke him, and he sighs when you swirl your tongue around his head, and he can't control his hips anymore. "Shit, okay, okay." He moves your hand away, and you pull away, frowning.

"Was that not okay?" He huffs dazedly as he shakes his head.

"It was amazing," he breathes, "but I wanna cum with you around me," he responds, pulling you up so that he can kiss you, and he hums when he can taste himself on your tongue. "You sure you wanna do this?" he asks quietly. "We don't have to."

"I do," you say with a quick nod, and he smiles widely before it falls.

"Oh, uh, you wouldn't happen to have any condoms, would you?" You chew your lip as you shake your head. "That's okay, I have some at my place," he says, and he nearly falls off of the bed as he pulls his shorts up. "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere!" he exclaims as he runs out of your room.

You laugh as you hear him run down the stairs and then the front door opening and closing, and you fall back onto your bed. Your face hurts from how hard you're smiling, and you can't believe what just happened. You start to think that you might be dreaming, so you pinch yourself, and luckily you don't wake up.

You jump when you hear the front door close, and you hear loud footsteps on the stairs again. Connie runs into your room, closing the door behind him as he catches his breath and walks towards you. He has more than one in his hand, and you raise your eyebrows at him, darting between the condoms and him.

"Oh, no, don't worry," he starts. "I just got excited, so I didn't tear one off," he clarifies, and he tosses them to the other side of the bed before taking the rest of his clothes off. You follow suit, and after you do, you freeze when Connie just stares at you.

"What?" you whisper, making a move to cover yourself, but he's quick to pin your arms down, keeping his legs next to yours to keep them open as he hovers over you.

"Sorry, I'm just still getting used to the fact that you're under me like this." Your legs press against his at his words as you feel yourself getting wetter. You want to shrink under his intense gaze, and you close your eyes when he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. "You're so pretty," he mumbles against your lips.

"You already said that," you say, a big smile on your face. He lets your arms go in favor of resting his hands on your neck when he kisses you. You do the same, pulling him down so you can feel more of him on you, and you both moan when he grinds against you.

He takes one hand and trails it down your body, giving your tit a teasing squeeze before it travels between your legs. You jump when he rolls his finger over your clit. You can't keep up with the kiss as he keeps up his movements, and he pulls away as he starts to slide his finger in.

"No one's ever touched you like this before?" he asks, feeling his lips brush against yours with every word, and you shake your head, at a loss for words as he moves his finger in and out of you. "So, I'm gonna be the first to stretch this pretty pussy out?"

You nod quickly, your nails digging into his shoulder as he adds another finger inside. "Wanted it to be you," you say, not really feeling shy to admit it anymore, and he drops his head in your neck.

"Fuck," he sighs, stretching you out when he spreads his fingers, and you bring his face back to yours, the feeling of his lips on yours seems to ground you in a way. "You wanted it to be me?"

You hum your answer as you nod again. "Always thought about it being you." You watch his eyes roll as he bites his lips, feeling him shudder at your words.

He keeps his eyes on yours, and the look in them seems to make you even hotter. "Mm, I'm gonna make it so good for you." He puts gentle pressure on your clit, rolling his thumb over the sensitive bud, and you grab his wrist as you moan.

Your legs tremble around him, and you tighten your grip on his wrist when you feel that familiar pressure building. "I'm ready, Connie, c'mon." He chuckles softly, curling his fingers a couple more times just to tease you before he slides them out of you.

He sits up, and you watch as he licks over his fingers before shoving them in his mouth. He groans softly as his eyes roll, and you chew on your lip gently as you watch him. "Damn, you taste amazing," he sighs. "I wanna eat you out so bad," he tells you as he rips one of the condoms off. "But you don't mind if I fuck you first, do you?"

You don't know how he can still keep that playful smile he always has while being unbelievably hot at the same time. You shake your head quickly at his question, feeling like you're going dizzy from arousal. Your fingers dig into the sheets underneath you as you watch him roll it on, and you swear your heart is going to beat out of your chest.

You're so caught up, that you jump a little when he places his hand softly on your face. "You'll tell me if you're hurting, okay?" he asks, resting his weight on one of his elbows, leaving his face close to yours again.

"Yeah, I will," you breathe, and he holds his other hand up, pinky extended.

"Promise?" You roll your eyes, matching the smile on his face. Connie made it a habit when you both were in high school to kiss your fingers when they were interlaced, saying that the promise was stronger that way.

That's what you expect him to do, but when you lock your finger with his, he moves to kiss you on the lips instead. It makes you dazed for a second, but the split second after, you can feel yourself falling even harder for him. He grabs a pillow, having you lift your hips up so that he can slide it under you. You look down at the same time he does as he lines himself up, tensing up reflexively, and he shifts his weight so that he can rub at your hip.

"Relax," he whispers, somehow managing to keep his face close to yours. "Just lemme know if it's too much." He circles the tip of his dick at your hole, making your legs twitch, and he starts pushing in at the same time he starts rubbing at your clit.

You're thankful for the distraction because it's definitely more than his fingers. Your nails dig into his arm as you wince, and you reassure him to keep going; it's not painful, just a little uncomfortable. Once his hand is free, he uses it to rub over your body, continuing his motions on your clit.

Connie's head falls against yours as he digs his hand into the sheets next to you. "Oh...myfuckingGod," he groans, his hands moving to grab at the pillows by your head. "F-Fuck, you're so--shit." He tries his hardest to move carefully without hurting you, but it doesn't help that your cunt has such a tight hold on him, practically sucking him in without much effort.

He lets out a ragged breath, trying to shift his focus back to you. "Talk to me, baby," he says, lifting his head up slightly as he opens his eyes so that he can fully see your face. "How ya feeling?"

He doesn't move once he's fully inside of you, even though it's almost impossible, allowing you to adjust for as long as you need. "I feel good," you answer softly, moving your hands towards his. He grabs them, lacing his fingers with yours as he moves your arms over your head. You try to remember to breathe as your body gets used to being full in a way that it's never been filled before.

Being in this position makes you realize how close Connie is to you. You can't help but stare at him, feeling every part of him that's touching you. You think about how intimate this whole thing is, and you can't help but get the feeling that this feels right. You can tell he feels the same way, his lips meeting yours for a kiss that's deeper than the previous ones. One that says more than you ever could.

"You can move," you urge quietly, and you moan when he shifts just a little on his knees.

He groans in response, letting his head fall forward. "Dunno if I can, to be honest," he whispers.

"Why?" He can't look at you when he answers, back to focusing on how he's supposed to be making this whole experience good for you.

"Because I'll cum in a second," he admits against your skin, and you feel him take a deep breath as he squeezes your hands. You meet his glazed eyes when he lifts his head back up.

"I'm ready when you are." Your mouth falls open as you gasp when he moves, not really caring for the empty feeling you have when he slides out. You moan when he moves back in, his movements jolting your body with every thrust. Your eyes roll as you feel your toes curl, and you wrap your legs around him, not wanting him to stop for a second.

"O-Oh, God," he moans. "Y-Yeah...I'm gonna cum, 'm gonna--fuck me." You feel his hips stutter out of rhythm, a loud groan of your name signaling his orgasm.

You feel him slow down, but to your surprise, he doesn't completely stop, letting go of your hand in favor of pulling your leg up further. He picks up his pace instantly, sending your back arching as he reaches that pleasurable spot with the new angle. Your free hand braces on his neck, your nails once again finding home in his skin.

He hooks your leg in the crook of his elbow, his nails digging into your hips as he pulls you into him. "Your pussy's fucking sucking me in, h-holy shit!"

You jump when you feel his finger rubbing your swollen clit, and your back arches, pushing you further into the onslaught of your pleasure. "C-Connie! Fuck--" You can't even finish your sentence, your face contorting as your climax mounts.

"God, you feel so good. Shit, baby." You try to keep your eyes on his when he finally looks at you again, but it's no use. Your eyes slip closed, every snap of his hips sending you higher and higher.

Connie whines at the oversensitivity, opting to bite at your neck as an attempt to hold himself in for just a little longer, groaning with every thrust into your tight heat. "Gonna--cum," you rush out. "Connie, 'm gonna cum." It's really the only warning he gets, your body going taut, and your legs shake as your orgasm crashes over you.

It's definitely something you never felt before, almost scared at the number of things you're feeling, and you hold onto Connie as he cums right behind you, riding out your highs. You don't let go of him until he stops moving, not realizing how tightly you were holding onto him until he does.

Your body relaxes, letting you collapse onto the bed as Connie barely catches himself with his hand. You pull him onto you anyway, not wanting to separate from him just yet. "Oh, my God," he says around a laugh which you copy. He looks at you, running a finger over your face. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, right?"

"I'm more than okay, Connie." You pull him into a softer kiss, mostly because it feels like you could fall asleep any minute now. You hum into the kiss as he lets your leg fall. He smiles widely, peppering kisses all over your face.

You wince when he slides out of you, and he apologizes softly before urging you to move over. He pulls the blanket that you were on off the bed before taking it out of your room, and you roll over on your side, feeling more than satisfied. You hear him come back, only rolling back over when he pulls you to face him. He cleans you up with a warm washcloth before handing you some medicine and water for the soreness.

He grabs another blanket, throwing it over the both of you when he lays down with you, and you roll over so that you're facing him. He rubs over your body so gently that it nearly puts you to sleep, your eyelids feeling heavy.

"So, what happens now?" Connie asks, his voice barely audible to you, and you barely manage a shrug.

"What do you want to happen?" You move your head so that you can look at him, seeing that he's already looking at you.

"Well, I dunno if you could tell, but I like you a lot," he answers, "and not just for your body," he adds, and you huff as you roll your eyes.

"Does that explain the tattoo then?" you find yourself asking, and you think you see a faint blush on his face.

"Yeah, pretty much," he admits. "I was going through some stuff, and I really wanted you here. I thought it would help."

"You could've just called me," you say, your brows creasing slightly.

"Yeah, but you were out having fun, and I didn't wanna affect that," he responds, and you move further into him causing him to hold you closer to him.

"Well, now that I'm your girlfriend, you can call me any time," you whisper, the feeling of falling asleep right around the corner. You feel his chuckle vibrate against you, and right as sleep catches up to you, you hear it.

"I love you."

Your eyes close as you smile, placing a gentle kiss on his skin. "Love you, too, Con."

[alreadyblondenow]

Touched by a god

▸ Jungwoo x reader  ▸ 2.6k words ▸ Fluff, Smut, Angst lol I tried ▸ A Megara story hehe. kissing, public sex, oral (female receiving), cheating?, lucas is here, major character death. just bc 1000 day since debut, we love u zeus. 

“Do you want to play hide and seek?” 

“No” you answered sternly. 

“If I give you a basket of berries, will you play with me?” 

You stopped walking and looked at Jungwoo. Your mother strictly told you never to talk to the gods or to the young prince who’s the same age as you. But Jungwoo is a lonely prince, and he wants to have a friend. He has been bugging you since he saw you hide under the apple tree. “I’m going to get in trouble if I play with you,” you said to the prince, trying to get away from his presence. 

“Hmm. Well then let’s hide from everyone and play? I don’t have any friends, you can be my first friend if you want to” 

His offer was not hard to refuse because honestly, you’re bored to death. No one can know that you’re friends with the son of Zeus. “Where will we hide?” 

“Come on I’ll show you!” Jungwoo’s smile was from ear to ear while tugging your arm as he wants you to follow him quickly. 

For years and years, following Jungwoo is always the best decision you made. He is the reason why your life is full of adventures, wonders, and learnings. Being a daughter of a slave was never a problem to Jungwoo, he did not care about where you came from. The prince thinks you crave knowledge but you don’t know that you are already smart, you are very honest when it comes to your thoughts just so you can’t lie to him, the way you call his name ‘Jungwoo’ is something he would like to hear every day instead of you calling him 'prince', and the more you two stay as good friends, Jungwoo is falling hard for you. He kept it for the longest time, as long as you stay beside him and became his only friend, your adventure continues and grows. But more importantly, he can admire you closely and love you silently. And because you’re smart and the prince is becoming bold with his feelings each day passes, soon he proved his feelings for you but not quite admitting it yet. He holds your hand, whisper beautiful and sweet words to you, he sings for you, brings you flowers whenever he can, and he makes you happy every day. Jungwoo tried so much to hide his feelings until the right time comes because he doesn’t want you to get in trouble. Slaves are not allowed to be friends with gods, and more importantly, fall in love. 

Today, he brought you to the waterfalls. You two just turned twenty and to your surprise, the prince finally confessed his feelings to you. Which you can’t accept obviously, “Took you long enough, but I’m sorry my prince this is wrong” it pains you to hurt his feelings of course, but he can get into trouble too if you dive in with him.

 “We don’t need to worry. When did I ever put you in danger?” he came closer to you as you two stood in front of the waterfalls. He was confident, and his presence can make you feel safe and is urging you to let go and fall in love with him. As he keeps you close to his body, he caressed your cheek and slowly came close to you until your lips touched. 

“Tell me, what did you feel after we kissed?” 

You weren’t planning on lying because Jungwoo can always see right through you, so you told him the truth with every bravery you have. “Happy and somehow I felt blessed by the gods. How can a prince fall in love with a slave? I have nothing to offer” you said, pouring your feelings like how the waterfalls continue to flow. 

“I’m not asking for too much like the other gods. I just want you to love me back. I have loved you for the longest time and I am willing to be a normal human being for you-“ 

“Don’t say that. You don’t have to sacrifice what you truly are for me because I accept you for who you are just how you accept me”

And ever since that night you and Jungwoo loved each other deeply in your own little world. Away from every threat, away from reality. And as you get older you became even more beautiful that Jungwoo became greedy when it comes to you. He hates it when the other gods mention you, he even hates it when the other gods look at you. During the banquet where every slave is needed to serve the guests, the god of the underworld, Jungwoo’s cousin was attracted to you to the point that he became obsessed with your existence. 

“Back off cousin, we are in love with each other” Jungwoo said while sipping on his glass of wine. 

His cousin Lucas just smirked and watched you walk around the hall serving wine. When he called you to pour him some wine, Jungwoo was watching you like a hawk, nervous for his own cousin. “I will make you mine” Lucas whispers to you. 

After that day, you shrugged it off and forget about it. No need to tell Jungwoo, you didn’t want him to get angry at his own family. Instead, you shower him with kisses and love when you two finally met at your usual hiding place. The grass feels warm on your skin as you lay comfortably on it, enjoying Jungwoo’s kisses on your neck. The view of the clear sky while feeling Jungwoo’s lips on your skin felt like freedom. Freedom because you don’t feel like a slave and although a god is kissing you right now, you don’t feel like he owns you like some kind of material thing. This is the feeling of being loved deeply.

“Where are you my love?” he asks, bringing you back to your little world. When you meet Jungwoo’s eyes, you returned his kisses, and this time you’re the one who goes on top of him. And because you two are becoming even more touchy these past few days, when one of your sleeves fell from your shoulder and expose a good amount of skin, just enough to make the prince beneath you hard, you smiled innocently and removed the other sleeve. Leaving your breast, fully exposed to Jungwoo. Without hesitation, he kissed you hungrily and knead your breast and pinch your nipple according to his liking. He made you lay down on the grass again and with your permission, he lifts your dress and caresses your inner thighs until his fingers shamelessly go inside your damped underwear. You moan quietly and spread your legs wider so he can have more access. He removed his fingers for a second, remove his clothes, and went in between your legs. “Beautiful,” he says, kissing your knee and slowly removing your underwear. 

“What if anyone sees us?” you moan out while watching him situate himself between your legs. 

“We’ve been going here for years, that’s impossible” he smiled and spread kisses on your heck again. Hands gently cupping your breast, “If it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop” he says, warning you about his godlike strength. You feel him grind on your body while your eyes were closed and just feeling him on top of you, bodies to bodies and skin to skin, listening to his whispers. You don’t have to take a look at his cock, it felt big while he was lining it in your entrance. He kissed you while he pushes in slowly, but it was hurting so bad and so good at the same time that you moaned a little too loud making Jungwoo cover your mouth and start moving slowly. “Are you feeling this-“ he groaned near your ear, hand slipping back down to your breast and feed his lust. You were overwhelmed by every feeling Jungwoo is giving you that your long nails scratch his perfect skin at the back. And even though everything felt great already, it’s obvious that he is holding back. 

“Don’t hold back” you said, kissing him and urging him to do whatever he wants. And when he finally let go, every thrust he gave you is piercing hard that your body is being dragged on the warm grass. He watches you take everything he gives, sucks your right nipple while watching your face contort and your lips part, listening to every sound you make. But Jungwoo was still not satisfied, he pins your legs on the ground while it’s perfectly spread then he fucks you at a quick pace. Quick but hard. That godlike strength is not made for a human, now you understand. He soon cums inside you while kissing your neck deliciously, whimpering and shivering as he enjoys his orgasm. 

“I can’t get enough of you” and because of that, he pulls out, watched his cum drip from your entrance, and glides his soft cock on your slit. The feeling was too much even if his cock is not inside you, but Jungwoo knew that he can make you cum by playing with your slit. And he was right, when he felt you tensed up, he spreads your legs once again and licked your folds in a very sinful way. His tongue glides up and down very fast, that you don’t have a choice but to try to push his head away from you until you finally came and became weak while Jungwoo is still torturing you with his tongue. 

“I can’t take it anymore-“ you said, bitting your lips and breathing heavily. Thankfully, the man in between your legs stopped. And spread kisses on your sensitive body until his lips are near yours. 

“I got carried away” he smiles. “I promise, I will make love to you in my bed. Tomorrow?” he kisses your swollen nipples while he waits for your answer. Tomorrow sounds great you thought, but you were so tired that you only answered him with a nod. 

When it’s finally time to go home, you and Jungwoo watch the sky turn dark blue as you two walk hand in hand on your way back to the village. Little did you know that the perfect day will be ruined in the most unexpected way. You can’t move when you saw it heading towards you two, you didn’t want to let go of his hand but he was brave as expected and bolted to danger. No one knew that a deadly cyclops has been lurking outside the village of Mt. Olympus. He told you to run and call for the soldiers and of course, you did. You left him. 

As you call for help with great panic, the guards did not believe you because you were just a slave. You feel bad and hopeless. You feel like you’re wasting time so came back for Jungwoo with a big rock in your hand, hoping that you could strike the cyclops with it. But it’s too late. You found him on the ground, gravely injured and almost lifeless. “Stay with me!” you shake him and tried so hard now to let him close his eyes as you scream at the top of your lungs, “HELP!”

Nothing. You screamed again, a little desperately than before and then someone appeared. Leaning on the side of the true calmly as if he likes what he’s seeing. You begged him to help you but instead, he smiled, came close to you, and held your chin oh so tightly. His hands were big and hot on your skin as if he was fresh from the underworld. 

“Lucas your cousin needs help please” you begged again. 

“He’s dead. Two minutes ago. He is now trapped in the river of souls”

“You are the prince of the underworld, I’m sure you can do something” you sob. He released your chin and smirked in front of you. 

“Of course I can do anything. But the question is, what can you do to bring Jungwoo back to life?” You don’t know what to answer, you don’t know what you can offer. As a slave, you don’t have anything. 

“I don’t have anything to offer” you looked at Jungwoo’s cold body and hold his hand. Lucas is now dying of jealousy. He did not plot Jungwoo’s life to feel defeated. No. 

“Offer your soul and loyalty and I’ll bring him back. Pledge your loyalty to me, and love me. When I’m satisfied, I’ll make sure to keep my word” 

It was an offer you can’t refuse but also an offer that meant betraying Jungwoo. But he has to live. So without further thinking, you agreed to Lucas and gave your soul to him. He brought Jungwoo’s dead body in the underworld, with you on his side. The deal is to show your loyalty to him and to try to love him until he’s convinced and satisfied. And so you did. You became loyal to the prince of the underworld, stayed with him day and night, accept his gifts and his admiration. Time moves slowly in the underworld so no one is suspecting about Jungwoo’s disappearance. Soon, you earned Lucas’ trust and kept his word. He brought Jungwoo to life and trapped you in the underworld.  

When Jungwoo came back to life, he can’t remember what happened after having sex with you that day. Your disappearance was a mystery to him and your family. He looked everywhere for you, searched high and low but still, nothing. 

“Why are always gloomy my child? It’s banquet everyone should be happy, please wear even a fake smile before you meet your bride” his mother whispers beside him. As prince Jungwoo fakes his smile to all the guests and made small talk to a few people, his world stopped when he saw you again. After many years. Although he is not sure if it is really you, because his cousin’s hand is on top of your waist and you were smiling as he has never seen before. You changed, you don’t look like the girl he loved and adored. 

You tried so hard to avoid Jungwoo and seclude yourself. You missed the view of Mt. Olympus in the afternoon. You let out a sigh and drank your wine, thinking more of how can you escape Lucas. Even if you die, or kill yourself, he still wins. And that thought alone makes you mad to the core. “Y/n? Is this really you?” you turned your back slowly and face the man you love.

“So that’s why you’ve been gone missing? You finally showed your true colors and betrayed me. Cheated with my own cousin?” he was angry but you didn’t care. Everything he said hurt you. 

“I did it for you. Please don’t say those harsh words to me. Jungwoo it’s still me, please save me from your cousin-“ 

“That’s prince Jungwoo for you, slave! I don’t- I can’t believe I loved someone like you. You made a fool out of me” he said tears in his eyes like his own words hurt him too. Hearing him call you a slave was like a dagger to your heart. After everything you did just to prove him, you love him. 

“My love, what are you doing outside?” Jungwoo’s bride came to fetch him, she was a goddess and they looked perfect together. You turned your back to dry your tears and wish to not see Jungwoo anymore especially in the arms of another. ‘My love’, you used to call him that and it was for the two of you only, but now those words are meaningless. 

You were a daughter of a slave. 

He was a prince and a son of a god. 

What did you expect to happen?

↩︎prev next ▶︎

[seancekitsch]

You Need Hands: Part of the Prize Buck Series

Warnings: smut, talking about abusive relationships, talking about drug use, unsafe bondage practices bc i am not a sex guru i am a writer of two flawed people, codependancy, praising

Klaus is surprised, to say the least when you come into the apartment raging, fingernails chewed off and eyes red as if you'd been crying on your walk home from work. Work was your only place, save for home, where you seemed truly happy. He notices your shaking and the barely contained rage behind the clench of your jaw.

“Hey! Hey, is everything alright?” he puts a hand out to stop you from pacing, and you turn on him, eyes glassy and red.

“Do you know what she said about us?”

What the fuck? Who would have said that? You talk to his siblings. Your boss. And. Oh. Okay, you talk to Gwen, your roommate from your University days that you recently gotten in touch with again. Klaus doesn't like her. It’s hard to get on Klaus’ bad side, but she seemed… pushy. Not pushy. What's the word he’s trying to use? Controlling? Scheming? Yeah, those are the ones. Accuracy cuts deeper, you always tell him. He pets your arm, feeble in trying to calm you down but after a few ragged open-mouthed breaths, you’re ready.

“She called us Sid and Nancy,” you continue, “She said we live in a sex den above a bodega slowly killing each other, if not outright doing it. She thinks you’re gonna get me high again. She basically met up with me up to judge me and tell me everything I’m doing wrong. I didn't even get to tell her about that paella we made last week for your whole family.”

“Oh, she’s kidding right? I’d make a terrible Nancy.” That makes you pause in your tracks, confusion lighting up your features.

“No- Klaus she thinks you’re Sid.”

“I’m not Sid.” He reaffirms, pulling you in and wrapping his arms around your frame. Noticing how the candlelight catches on your hair, making you look like a biblical angel, one of those terrifying fiery things, hard to look at but you’re all his. He knows how you feel right now, better than anyone. He’s used to being the one discounted and lectured. His own siblings, as much as he loves them dearly, only just started trusting him in the span of the past two years. It felt like something divine, that despite how mean and secluded you were at first, how you trusted him so deeply so quickly. He’d known you for almost a year, and in that year dragged you to another century, gotten you involved in a cult, exposed you to his family, ghosts, challenging and difficult situations other people could have easily cracked under without disease plaguing their mind. Klaus is capable of great cruelty and recklessness, he knows it. He knows you shouldn't trust someone who has seen and done the frankly fucked up shit he has, but you do. And he trusts you fully in turn, if not more. Even when you refused to be open with him, pushed him away; the days when you would have rather stuck pins in your hand than speak to him because he was loud and you were too weak to handle it.

He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding when he feels your head dip and fall against his chest.

“Is she right?” your voice is far away, empty. Needing some empty comfort. “Are we killing each other? Do we suck?”

“Hey, c’mon, don't be upset,” he shushes you, “We’re good for each other. We have jobs! No relapses! Bet your ex could never say that.” He couldn't, your ex was part of the reason you were here, which Klaus wasn't exactly upset about because it meant he had you and no one else did, but you probably could have benefitted from years free from an active addiction that was more or less funded by the competitive nature of your work and home life.

“I’m not upset. I’m pissed.”

That solves it for Klaus. When you're pissed, you clam up. He doesn't want to emotionally lose you for the rest of the day, or worse, the whole weekend.

“We’re not killing each other,” he confirms, “Pretty sure you can't kill me anyway.”

You snort and swat at his ribs, but then your hand doesn't leave him after the hit, instead slinking from his side to his back, coming to rest on his shoulder blade. You're holding him, which means he hasn't lost you.

“Oh, wicked thing, I’ll show you how good I am for you.”

You sigh, and feeling the pricking of your nails on his back, he takes that as permission. His hand begins roaming your body, groping at your chest, squeezing at your ass as you grab onto him, holding him for stability as he keeps moving, his large hands making you moan.

“Klaus…” you trail off. What are you trying to say? What are you asking for? You don't know.

“How many days have you been clean?” He whispers against your skin.

“One hundred and ninety three.” You know it exactly.

“See? She’s wrong,” and he goes back to peppering your face with kisses as his hands work to pull your skirt out of the way. Its dirty the way he pulls your clothes out of the way to fondle at you, to rub against your cunt through your underwear, to pull that underwear aside and find you wet and waiting. His other arm wrapped around the small of your back, holding your rumpled skirt gathered in his hand.

“I’ll be real good for you,” he affirms, slipping a finger into you, and then another. You grip onto his shoulders now, enough to keep you standing when your legs want to crumble under his thrusting. He pushes in with ease, like you were made to take his fingers, your breath hitching and tiny whines falling from your lips. His forehead dips to press against yours, sweat beginning to form on his brow. Its dizzying, how deep his long fingers can be inside you, how full and whole you feel as he holds you against him, making you shake and moan as he props you up, letting you feel like a ragdoll at his mercy.

“Hey,” he nudges you with his nose, “Hey, Lover, look over there.”

He shifts his head to the left, and your head follows. You're face to face with the image of yourself in the cheap and grimy thrift shop mirror you had bought. You see how strong his lean muscles are, how they move against you, hold you close and safe.

“Look how fuckin’ good you look.” You nod, you have to agree, heavy bedroom eyes stare back at you, your lips parted almost pornographically. Is this how Klaus sees you all the time? He picks up the pace, eagerly moving his hips along with his hand, needing to feel some release and friction himself as he works you over, your voice raising an octave as he gets rougher, until your eyes close tightly; your body stiffens, shakes, and you can hear him praising you. You're doing so well, that's it, all for me, right on my hand, you're so sexy. Your voice comes out in a shudder. Trying to thank him as your muscles twitch and you look into his beautiful green eyes.

“No, no, no, shhhh,” he hushes you again, smoothing your hair down as he leads you to walk on wobbly legs over to the bed to sit, not bothering to fix your skirt. Your eyebrow quirks as he moves to remove his belt fully, not just unbuckle it to remove his pants.

But you wise up quickly, watching him grab your hands and start to wrap the belt around your wrists. You have bondage rope somewhere around here, but this is hot, and he told you to be quiet, so you don’t make a sound. He moves your hands at the wrist, checking for you to make sure the belt won't hurt you, then pushes you back onto the bed, staring at invisible patterns on the ceiling as you lift your hand for them, belted wrists landing at the other edge of the bed. You can feel him push your skirt up even more, then you feel his skin on yours, his bare thighs rubbing against the inside of yours, then the sensation of Klaus rubbing his cock against you. Fuck, you love his cock. You love him. He watches your expression, your gasps, your sighs from lips plumped by bruising, your eyes fluttering shut as he rubs against you. You're a fucking goddess. He doesn't deserve you, despite trying to carnally prove that he does. Youre so fucking good, you’ve helped better each other. Fuck what anyone says. He just hopes you believe it too.

“So fuckin’ good, Lover. Oh, I’m gonna worship this cunt,” he sighs, more to himself than you.

“Don’t make me wait, Klaus,” you command, but then whine as he enters you. Everything feels like so much, so much.

“Sensitive, Fraulein?”

“I can handle it.”

“Of course you can,” he agrees, setting his pace

He hikes one of your legs up onto his hip, then hikes his leg up onto the bed, getting a better angle to fuck you, but also to lean in and kiss you, his mustache brushing your chin, lips attaching themselves to the underside of your jaw as he kisses you fully, pressing his love into your skin.

He covers your body with his own, protective, possessive, and devoted; he fucks you through another high, making you scream into his mouth as he doesn’t slow his pace, once again shushing you and singing your praises. I love you, you look so good like this, let me live the rest of my life like this between your thighs. You want to let him take, and take, and take. Such a thoughtful, loving, loyal person. He gives. You want him to give.

“Klaus,” you sound breathless, “Klaus, come inside me, please.”

You beg, wanting him completely. He lifts your other leg, before climbing completely on the bed with you, his sweaty chest dropping against yours, palming at your breast as he buries his head into the crook of your neck, needing to feel the closeness of you as he comes.

He comes quietly, with a staggered gasp and your lips kissing his hair. One of his hands finds yours bound above your head, and grasps them both in his. He kisses your neck as he stills, body relaxing as he comes down.

You stay like that for almost a half hour before the phone on the wall rings and snaps you out of your loving haze.

[gamerwoo]

Wonwoo: Hearing Lips

Characters: Wonwoo x female reader

Genre/warnings: non idol au, angst, a little fluff, a little crack, terminal illness/cancer, implied major character death. basically this starts out a lil happy but just gets worse and worse as it goes on

Word count: 3,053

Summary: Sometimes relationships get hard. Sometimes someone cheats. Sometimes someone doesn’t feel the same anymore. And sometimes, someone gets sick and things take a turn for the worst. But in the last instance, no matter how hard things get, you stick beside them until the end. Because you love them.

a/n: i wanna make a second part at some point bc i have an idea for it but i have a lot of shit to do so we’ll see

Wonwoo took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly. He looked down at the clippers that one of his friends, Minghao held in his hand.

“This sucks,” was what he decided to say.

You pursed your lips and nodded slowly. It was at that stage where your husband’s hair was starting to fall out, but he decided he didn’t want to go through all that. Wonwoo asked if you would care if he just shaved his head to avoid the hair loss. You asked him why you’d care.

“What if I’m ugly?” was his response, which made both of you chuckle.

“You’re always going to be the most handsome man on the planet to me,” you replied.

So he called on his friend, Minghao to do the cutting for him. A handful of his other friends showed up, promising to shave their own heads along with Wonwoo just so he wouldn’t feel so alone.

“Why can’t I do it?” Mingyu whined. “We’ve been friends longer!”

“Because you’d probably shave his ear off,” Joshua scoffed.

As the group began to tease Mingyu, Minnghao turned to you, offering the clippers to you, “Are you sure you don’t want to do it, _____?”

You looked down at the clippers, considering it. But ultimately, you shook your head, “What if I shave his ear off?”

“The only thing I want to lose today is my hair, thanks,” Wonwoo nodded.

“Alright,” Minghao turned the clippers on, but Wonwoo didn’t react to the noise. The sound of the clippers didn’t scare him like he thought they might. Just because he had to shave his head, that didn’t mean it was the end. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged before he sat in the chair placed in front of Minghao.

While Minghao shaved Wonwoo hair, the strands falling in clumps on the floor around him, the rest of you watched and told various stories of times you’d hung out together just to lighten the mood and make each other laugh. Like the time Soonyoung stuck bubblegum in Jeonghan’s hair to see if peanut butter would actually get it out. Or when they managed to convince Seokmin that girls don’t have to shave, their hair just falls off when it gets too long. 

The rest of the boys took turns sitting down in front of Minghao before Josh did the younger boy’s hair. 

Admittedly, Wonwoo pulled the bald look off.

Seungcheol absolutely did not.

-

“Where are you going?”

You had heard the bedroom door closed and turned your head away from the TV in time to see Wonwoo walk down the hall. You’d brought him home from his chemotherapy appointment and knew he was supposed to be resting afterwards, so you were concerned as to why he was going down the hall.

“Office,” he replied.

You got up from the couch and went to follow him, “Why?”

“Bills.”

Wonwoo was always a stickler for paying the bills on time, but you weren’t sure why he didn’t just let you do it or simply ask you to do it for him.

“You’re supposed to be resting,” you told him.

“I’ll be sitting in a chair, it’s fine,” he said before entering the office and shutting the door behind him.

With a sigh, you retreated back to the living room, deciding to text one of your friends to see what to do. Wonwoo had been getting a bit touchy lately, and you didn’t want to tell him what to do and make him mad. So your best option was to get advice because you didn’t want Wonwoo to pass out in the office or something.

To Hansol: wonwoo wont lay down

From Hansol: ???? whats he doing?

To Hansol: paying the bills in the office

From Hansol: ah

From Hansol: maybe he wants to make himself useful??

To Hansol: wdym

From Hansol: all he’s supposed to be doing now is basically nothing

From Hansol: things arent looking good rn

From Hansol: he probably want to do things for you and himself while he still can

You stared at your phone, feeling a pang in your chest reading the texts. You let out a sigh and set your phone down, letting Wonwoo stay in the office to do the bills.

-

it was the first time all of the guys had come over since putting Wonwoo’s bed in the living room. It was the only place with enough space since it was a hospital bed, and Wonwoo would at least always have the TV since the only thing he could do at this point was lay in bed.

“Wish I could sleep in my living room,” Soonyoung said.

“Yeah, I bet your girlfriend wishes that, too,” Jeonghan nodded.

Once a month, they’d all have a game night where the thirteen of them would gather at someone’s house to play something, whether it be Uno, poker, Cards Against Humanity, or whatever else they could come up with for that many players. But until your husband got better, it would have to be at your house all the time.

You gave them their space despite insisting they could include you in the game. You decided to just go to the office and use Wonwoo’s PC to play some games and watch a little YouTube. 

In the living room, the boys were playing Uno together while talking and laughing together. A few of them were drinking beer as well, but most of them stuck to soft drinks instead.

“How’re you doing lately, Woo?” Jeonghan asked after taking a sip of his drink.

Wonwoo shrugged with a sigh, “Fine, I guess. I can only use this blanket because the others feel bad on my skin. I’m bored. I’ve watched like, every YouTube video ever at this point.”

“How do you feel, though?” Chan wondered.

“Tired.”

Junhui laid down a card before looking over at Wonwoo, “How’s _____ been?”

“She’s an absolute angel,” he chuckled. “She takes care of me and everything. She’s the strongest person I know.”

“If you ever need one of us to stay here for a couple days to help out, you know you can ask,” Jihoon stated with a handful of them nodding or giving various sounds of agreement.

“Neither of us wants to bother anyone.”

“It’s not a bother,” Seungcheol said, looking Wonwoo in the eyes. “Neither of you will ever be a bother.”

Jeonghan nodded, “We know things are going to get tough and we’re here for you guys. Just say the word.”

“Yeah...” Wonwoo shrugged with a deep sigh as he put down a card when it was his turn, “there are days worse than others. But lately, it’s been okay, I guess. At least, that’s what she leads me to believe.”

“Yeah, _____’s never been one to break down in front of people,” Seungkwan mumbled.

“I hope she’s doing okay, though,” Wonwoo frowned. “I feel so bad for her...”

You truly were the strongest person Wonwoo knew for doing just about everything for not only him, but for yourself and everything around the house. And you did it all without ever showing if you were feeling negatively -- at least, not around him. Wonwoo thought you were absolutely amazing, but inside, he felt guilty for doing this to you.

But like you’d never tell Wonwoo when you felt overwhelmed, he’d never tell you how he felt, either.

-

It was one of those days. One of those bad days. You felt like the world was crumbling right in front of you but there was nothing you could do about it. You were sad, scared, stressed out, and you didn’t know what to do next or who to go to. You always just kept things bottled inside even though your friends and family told you it was better to talk to people about things. But you didn’t want to seem like you were complaining about Wonwoo. It wasn’t your husband that was the problem, it was the situation.

You had taken Wonwoo’s empty dinner plate from the living room to the kitchen, setting it in the sink. You dropped your head, hands gripping the edge of the counter as you squeezed your eyes shut to keep the tears threatening to escape from spilling. 

Something one of the nurses had said to you during one of Wonwoo’s hospital visits was to be careful of what you say, even quietly, around him.

“People with cancer and the like tend to just hear really well,” she explained. “Especially when they can’t open their eyes anymore. Their hearing is scarily good. Don’t say anything bad around him because he will hear it.”

You learned to only let out your emotions when you were alone in your bedroom, but you couldn’t make it through the living room to get there. So you just stood in the kitchen, trying to compose yourself to go back out into the living room to sit with your husband.

“This is too hard,” you just barely whispered to yourself.

“I know,” you heard Wonwoo say softly from the living room, “I’m sorry, love.”

You lifted your head, your heart breaking hearing him apologize. You didn’t even think about how he heard you, rushing into the other room to promise that you weren’t talking about him. As you walked up to his bed, he looked up at you with a sad half-smile.

“I know I’m making things tough,” he continued quietly. “I’m really sorry you have to deal with it.”

“No, baby, no,” you quickly shushed him, cupping his face in your hands. “It’s not you, it’s the situation. You’re not difficult or making things difficult. None of this is your fault.”

Wonwoo didn’t really like things touching his skin because it had become so sensitive and felt weird when most things touched it, but he leaned into your touch and put his hands over yours. He noticed the tears welling up in your eyes and reached one hand up to brush his thumb under one of your eyes.

“It’s okay if you need to cry, you know,” he told you. “You keep everything to yourself and that’s not healthy.”

You shook your head, whispering so your voice wouldn’t break, “I have to be strong for you. I don’t want to cry and scare you that things are getting bad.”

He chuckled sadly, “_____, I know things are bad. You’re stressed. You can cry, it’s okay.”

Hearing him say that broke you for some reason. You collapsed in the chair you kept beside his bed and just cried while he held your hand. That was the first time you cried in front of Wonwoo in a long time.

While you cried, you heard him softly tell you, “You’re still the strongest person I know.”

-

Despite not wanting to go, Wonwoo had to be admitted to the hospital. You weren’t sure for how long, but he was complaining about feeling sick and neither of you were sure if it was cancer-related or not. But the doctors decided it was best to keep an eye on him for a couple days until he was feeling better.

Unfortunately, he was getting to a point where his eyes didn’t open as often. Even if he was awake, sometimes he just looked like he was sleeping. You were told that would happen eventually, and whenever Wonwoo looked at you, you looked back at him and tried to memorize the shade of brown as if it would be the last time you’d ever see his eyes.

Jeonghan came to visit you at the hospital after finding out you were there for an entire day without anybody besides Wonwoo. So he rushed there after work and sat with you in Wonwoo’s hospital room, both of you trying to keep your voices down since Wonwoo seemed to be sleeping. You knew if Wonwoo knew that one of his friends were there, he would’ve been talking to them.

Jeonghan reached out with his foot, nudging your shin with the tip of his sneaker to get your attention. You looked over at him. He mouthed something to you, but you weren’t sure what it was.

You cocked your head to one side, mouthing, “What?”

He leaned forward, so you did, too. He tried to whisper his question as quitely as he could, but you still heard absolutely nothing, and you were having trouble reading his lips.

“What?” you mouthed again.

“He asked if you paid the bills on time,” Wonwoo murmured, still looking like he was asleep, “but it’s okay if you didn’t.”

The only part of Wonwoo that moved was his mouth. Even once he was done talking, he looked like he had been sleeping the entire time. You wondered if you almost inaudible conversation was heard loud and clear to him.

“O-oh,” you said. “Um, my mom reminded me, yeah.”

“Did you...have enough?” Jeonghan wondered.

“Please don’t offer us money again,” you frowned.

“You know I have more than enough for myself. And you’re always staying home to take care of Wonwoo. I just want to make sure you’re both okay fanatically.”

It was true that Jeonghan made pretty good money. And considering his last relationship didn’t work out, he only had to support himself. For what he got paid, he definitely had some to spare. Still, neither you nor Wonwoo wanted to take ‘free money’ from your friends.

You opened your mouth to reply, but a nurse had walked in and asked to speak with you. You sent a playful glare toward Jeonghan before you got up and left the room.

Jeonghan was unaware that Wonwoo’s hearing had gotten so strong, and the fact he heard the question surprised him. So he wanted to test it to see how good it was, mouthing something else.

“No, Jeonghan, you can’t steal my wife,” Wonwoo sighed with the hints of a smirk on his face. “At least not until I’m dead.”

Jeonghan ignored the dark addon at the end, letting out a chuckle, “That’s kind of spooky, dude.”

“I hear everything now,” he said.

The older boy sat back in his seat, staring over at his friend who still had his eyes closed -- despite that, he still had his glasses on for whatever reason, “Have you actually...talked with _____ about that, though?”

“About you stealing her?”

“No. Have you told her if you’d want her to move on if you actually do...y’know?”

“Yeah. When I was first bedridden, I figured I should mention it. I told her to just find someone who makes her happy, even if it was one of you. I just said she can’t marry Soonyoung because he’s a fucking idiot.”

Jeonghan let out a laugh, leaning forward in his chair, “Yeah, I don’t think any of us would let that happen. Even Soonyoung knows he wouldn’t be good enough for her.”

“I’m glad she’ll at least have you guys if anything happens,” Wonwoo hummed. “You’ll watch out for her. You’ll make sure she doesn’t get into any shady relationships or do anything reckless.”

“Why do you always assume we need to be there?”

“Because I need to be prepared.”

Jeonghan sat back in his seat again, not knowing what to say. He just stared at his friend, hoping that he was preparing for nothing.

-

You had a bad feeling this was coming, but you were hoping it was just your anxiety telling you that. But when the doctor told you that you had to have the papers signed, you knew that there wasn’t any going back now.

Wonwoo was going to die.

Just in case, he had already gone to have the papers drawn up for if he’d want to be revived or not if anything should happen. But he had forgotten to get them from your attorney so they had to be retrieved and signed. But you were specifically told you couldn’t just instruct your husband to sign them. You had to sit there and explain what everything was, and then he could sign them. You just weren’t sure if you could do that.

Seungcheol was the one who went into Wonwoo’s hospital room with you with the papers. You sat down by Wonwoo’s bed while Seungcheol sat in a chair across the room and watched, just there for emotional support if you needed it.

“What’re those?” Wonwoo asked.

“I need to go over these with you,” you told him.

You sat by his bed with his table pulled out as you read the papers and explained what they meant. You already knew the decisions Wonwoo had made, but reading them and saying them out loud was hard, especially knowing that this was how things would end. He said he didn’t want to be revived because he knew how hard it would be on you. He wanted to make things quicker and easier.

“So if you’re to...start...going...you don’t want--”

You couldn’t even finish the sentence before you choked on your tears, coughing to clear your throat.

And that’s when Wonwoo knew. This was it.

“Why’re you crying?” he asked quietly. He knew this was coming. He knew you knew this was coming. But he knew you wanted to believe it wouldn’t. 

You sniffed while you tried to control your breathing so you wouldn’t break down sobbing. But it didn’t work, tears already falling down your cheeks as you whimpered, “I don’t want you to die.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I don’t want to leave you.”

Seungcheol got up and stood beside you, rubbing your back to comfort you despite tears of his own escaping from his eyes. He couldn’t even say anything to help you feel better because he knew nothing would work. So he helped you go over the papers with Wonwoo while all three of you tried to choke back tears.

-

It was getting close. You knew it was. You just had a feeling that stuck with you all day, so you never left Wonwoo’s side. You held his hand and sat beside him for hours, trying to keep your crying as silent as you could while you mouthed ‘I love you’ as many times as you could because you were too afraid of your voice breaking if you spoke.

But you knew Wonwoo heard every word.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

[ddaenggtan]

from eden | myg + jhs

you've been in the dark a long time, overworked and exhausted. the only bright point is your gatekeeper, hoseok, your closest friend and the man you love but can't have. you've accepted that loneliness is inevitable for you. when a voice calls to you, though, and moves you so deeply that you rip open the earth to help them, you meet a mint-haired boy that changes everything you thought you knew about your prison. | monsters and gods pt 1 (masterlist)

pairing | yoongi x reader x hoseok

genre/warnings | greek god au, hades!reader, thanatos!hoseok, persephone!yoongi, fluff, angst, smut, mild depictions of violence, mentions of blood (well, blood equivalent, bc gods), pining, depictions of abusive parenting, v v brief panic attack (seriously, I don’t go into a ton of detail, but it’s enough, pls don’t read this if that triggers you at all), love triangle (kind of), polyamory, , mutual masturbation, oral (female receiving), face-sitting, fingering, dick-riding, double penetration, unprotected sex (gods can't get sti's but u can! Wrap it b4 u tap it!), creampie, everyone hates Zeus but what's new, demeter sucks and is the literal worst

word count | 15.6k | cross posted to ao3  monsters and gods masterlis

a/n | hello! i’ve renamed this fic at least ten times, but it’s here!! the first part of monsters and gods!!! i keep seeing hades!yoongi (who i LOVE, don’t get me wrong, seriously you should check out @/seokoloqy’s hades yoongi fics because they’re PHENOM) and while I love hades yoongs, I also keep seeing him in flower crowns and being soft and sweet and, as we know by now, I am ultimately a slut for soft bangtan. so this happened. and then i thought ‘wow this mc is dark af i need some contrast here’ and that’s how thanatos hobi happened, also i couldn’t stop thinking of his Judgement Face, which is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, and how fast he switches between that and his smile, plus.....sope, I mean. c’mon. sope. and then it all kinda spiraled into a whole series of fics, only one other of which is even started tho its close to being finished whoops lmao so yeah!!!! pls tell me what u think, i’m not used to writing angst at all, so it may not be suuuuuuper prevalent in this, but i tried!!! also i really recommend listening to hozier while you read it bc i had his first album on repeat while writing it and from eden fits this pretty well imo!!!

It's dark when you open your eyes. You've spent so long down here, you're used to it, but the shadows always seem to make the air colder than it should be. Though you suppose the land of the dead isn't supposed to be warm.

You stretch and wince at the crick in your spine. Another night sitting at your desk, greek fire burning through the hours so that you can scratch away at the papers in front of you. Your siblings always enjoy doing whatever they want, using mortals and throwing them away however they please, cleaning up after each other whenever they can spare the time.

No one ever seems to think about you, nor do they remember the chaos up top only worsens your constant migraines.

No, instead they start their wars and slaughter their enemies and are absolutely oblivious about the fact that the Meadow is at 80% capacity as it is, with more souls arriving each day. Thanatos did well at his job, as did Charon, and you were always sure to be thankful to them, but you wish, not for the first time, that there was someone - anyone - to help with your work.

Your brothers have the naiads, the winds, and the lesser gods to help them with their oceans and skies. Gods of vengeance and retribution help with war, while the fertility goddesses and the muses aid the lovelorn.

And yet here you are, still alone after all these years. Millenia, you've been stuck down here, forced to live out your days in the cold darkness and manage the dead mortals. You've always been introverted, even before you drew lots with your siblings, but never like this. You've tried to leave, of course; at first making short visits to Olympus or the mortal realm, just to speak to another living soul again, someone else who understands what it's like to be trapped in your own life. It seems like every time you came back, though, the underworld had gotten smaller and smaller, nearly suffocating you in an attempt to keep its claws in your skin. And then, of course, came the curse.

You haven't felt the sun on your skin in nearly a thousand years, and while you've always been one for the shade, you miss it. You miss the smell of the flowers in the temples, you miss the sound of the river as it babbles past, you want to feel the warm summer breeze ruffle your hair as you stand in the middle of a marketplace. You're tired of the Fields, you're bored of walking the streets of Elysium with the weight of their stares at your back, sick of standing at the steps to the Isles and wondering if it is, truly, euphoric and if any mortal would ever find out. You don't wear your sandals around the palace anymore; you don't want to hear the footsteps echo. It's just a reminder that you are, truly, alone.

Even the other deities in the Underworld have stopped calling on you. The aura that surrounds you is enough to wilt most any plant, unnerve most every animal, and the gods are no exception. The only exceptions are Hecate, who makes it her personal mission to bribe you into visiting the Meadow if only for a moment, and Thanatos when he can slip away for longer than a moment to distract you from your work. They rarely succeed, but it's the thought that counts, you suppose.

You muse on this as you walk, bare feet skimming lightly over the soil of the Meadow as you make your way to the Gates. You could probably just shadow-walk, if you wanted, you do enjoy giving your Thanatos a fright, but you figure the walk would do you good. There’s no one to bother you as go, thankfully. The dead wander aimlessly around you. There's no acknowledgment as you pass; there's never any recognition of anything in the Meadow, the price mortals pay for being so utterly inconsequential and mundane.

You smile when you see that your friend is busy, and you give a silent command to Cerberus not to alert the man to your presence. The dog whines a little, but sits back on his haunches, shaking the ground as he does so. You're silent as you move up behind the judge.

"You wanted me to tell you my judgment and I have," Hoseok says firmly. "You could have gone straight to the Asphodel Meadow and existed in relative peace for eternity, and instead you request a hearing, and then have the gall to question my decision?" You grimace slightly; perhaps putting Hoseok in charge of judging the souls was not the best idea, but he has yet to be wrong about someone.

"Please, sir," The mortal whimpers. He's on his knees, suit crumpled and dirty where he sits. "I was only doing what I thought was best, please, surely that matters."

"You used children!" Hoseok says in shock. "As slaves! It's 2019 and you had nearly a hundred seven-year-olds sewing clothes together in a cramped warehouse with one bathroom. You seriously expect me to give you leniency because you thought that was best?"

"Their families would have starved without that money," The mortal says. He's on the verge of tears, which has always made you uncomfortable, so you stay hidden for now. "I kept them all fed and safe, didn't I? What would they have done without me? Gone to work in some factory, with dangerous machines and cruel managers, whipped every time they needed to eat?"

"You used children as nearly free labor, barely allowed them time to piss, fed them once every twelve hours, and you expect that to be okay because they could’ve had it worse," Hoseok says. Disgust drips from his voice and you’re inclined to agree with the sentiment. "I respect your opinion, but you are to be punished for your deeds fittingly." Hoseok snaps and two of the Bones come over. These two are in desert camo, one barely tall enough to be an adult judging by the skeletal build, but their grip is unforgiving as they cart the mortal off to the Fields. You don’t even need to mold together a punishment for him; the warehouse you sent others who’d done the same wasn’t quite crowded enough yet.

"Well, that was fun," You call, and delight at the way Hoseok jumps nearly a foot in the air. He glares at you as he turns and you don't bother to hide the smirk on your face. "Child slavery, huh? In this day and age?"

Hoseok tsks. "I know we used to allow some crazy shit back in the old days, but you'd think that people would know better by now. Using children like that, kids…” He trails off, still fuming, and you nod.

“I know.” You pull a piece of lint off his suit with a wrinkle of your nose. “You made the right decision if it helps.”

“I know I did,” He says with a smirk. “I always do.” You roll your eyes and turn away from him, watching the lines of souls head through the gates to their eternal blandness. It's the best way to hide the flush he brings to your cheeks. “What brings you out here, though? Aren’t you supposed to be doing something important?”

“Don’t I wish,” You mutter. “All I’ve got to do is figure out how to expand the realm again without Zeus’ approval.”

“Wait, he didn’t approve the expansion?” You shake your head and step closer to where Cerberus is laying, all three heads focused entirely on you as you rub his middle nose. “Where does he think we’re going to put all of the souls, up your ass?”

“Clearly,” You spit.

“I know it��s not exactly great down here and that they would all rather be thrown into the Pit than visit, but they need to sometimes. If only to see what it’s like. I mean, honestly, what do they expect us to do, just toss everyone in the Meadow and call it a day until there are so many that they’re tripping into Elysium? What the f-”

“Thanatos,” You say quietly, and Hoseok stops. It’s not often that you call him by his title rather than his name, preferring the familiarity of his friendship over the detachment of your positions. “Even here, the gods have ears. You know better than to criticize them like that.”

He huffs but nods his head. You press a kiss to Cerb’s middle nose and coo at him until he starts wagging his tail. When you turn back around, Hoseok is stumbling to keep his balance on the shaking ground. You laugh, which he does not appreciate, but before he can say anything in his defense, another soul is escorted to him by a Bones. The guy is already pleading with Hoseok, who’s returned to the stony mask he usually wears. The silver aura that surrounds him always brings you comfort, reminding you of the moonlight that bathes the surface world, but it has turned colder and is as deadly as mercury. You envy the way he can switch back and forth between his professional mask and the bright, loving man you know; if only it were that easy for you. Without so much as a wave, you weave the shadows around you once more, ignoring the soul's cries to you for mercy, and let yourself disappear into the darkness.

When you emerge from the shadows, you settle at the base of your garden tree. The only living thing that would grow down here, the sole reminder of the world above. Its branches show that it should be close to the harvest soon, maybe a month away at the most. You reach up, weaving through the darkness to pluck a pomegranate from the tree. You don't even like pomegranates anymore, you think as you inspect it. Ripe, juicy, and utterly disgusting; the gods' idea of a joke. The thing that brought about your isolation, your solitude, yet it continues to be the only thing that grows in this wasteland.

You laugh bitterly before tossing the fruit up in the air, letting it fly through the shadows to land beside Hoseok, whatever he's doing. He always appreciates your little gifts, the only real thing you can do to show that you aren't cross with him and are glad for the work he does. He's long been stuck here with you, but the fruit doesn't turn to bile on his tongue the way it does yours. Perhaps the willingness he had that first time made a difference.

Please.

You glance around, looking for the voice that suddenly echoes around you. It's soft, a memory of a whisper. It's not rare for you to hear the voices of the dead in your realm, but this is different. This one strikes you to your core, for this…

This one sounds hopeful.

The prayers that make their way to you are never hopeful. They are sad or angry or scared, always filled with tears and regret and more than a little hesitancy, but never do they have any shred of hope in them.

You stand, eyes narrowed as you look through the darkness for whatever soul may be calling to you.

Please. I don't want to go back. Don't let her take me.

Without thinking, you reach into the shadows. The blackness swirls around your fingers, unsure where you're trying to go. You don't know yourself, and you wish you did. You aren't sure why you're doing this; you rarely answer prayers, least of all the ones that don't mention you specifically, but something in this voice calls to you. It resonates in your chest, shakes your very being because you remember that feeling. You remember the way it felt to be free, standing in the sun and clawing at the earth as Gaia dragged you back down to your post, tears mixing with the dirt as you pleaded, begged her not to take you back down there.

With a jerk, you pull the shadows apart, and the ground quakes above you. You watch, anxiety pooling in your gut, and it's only the intensity of your focus that lets you see it: a figure, falling limply through the earth that you've opened. The string of curses you let out would make even Ares blush, and it's with a rush you haven't felt in millennia that you weave the shadows together into a net and toss it upwards. The figure falls into it with ease, shadows wrapping around the body to glide gently downwards until they can deposit the person with ease at the roots of your tree.

Your breath catches in your throat as the darkness recedes, revealing soft mint hair with flowers woven into it, pale green robes that are sliced nearly in half at the back and caked with mud. The man is beautiful and soft and bright, every inch the antithesis to your own black and grey clothes. You hesitate to even look at him, too afraid of dulling that sun-kissed skin with the death you carry on your fingertips.

His brow furrows and he winces, though his eyes remain closed. You blink owlishly before guiding the shadows around him once more; when you're sure he's secure, you pull him along behind you until you reach the only spare room you have in the palace. You situate him on the bed there, fluffing pillows and smoothing blankets until you can almost pretend he fell asleep there of his own accord. With pursed lips, you assign three of your Bones to watch him; one just inside the door and two outside of it, just in case whatever he was running from attempts to come for him.

You don't want to leave him, but you have work to do, and the land of the dead cannot rule itself.

It's dark when he opens his eyes. There is Greek fire in the corner, and shadows dancing on the walls around it, but he cannot make out much else. When he sits up and slides his feet off what feels like a bed, he hisses. The marble is cold and unforgiving against the bare skin of his feet and he doesn't know of any feeling like it. He's too accustomed to the dirt and grass from his mother's domain, and even the white marble of Olympus was warm to the touch. This is different. Alarming. New.

He eventually works up the nerve to stand fully. Looking around, he doesn't see any kind of light sources other than the brazier in the corner, so he grips one of the coals in his palm and uses that bit of light to find the door. The fire tingles against his skin, but he's long since grown used to holding fire in his palms for his mother. The warmth is comforting for a brief moment before the image of his mother flashes through his mind. He flinches at the memory of her face, twisted with wrath, and the stone drops out of his grip before he can catch it.

The marble of the wall is cool against his back as he slides to the ground, knees brought up to his chest and his eyes screwed shut against the darkness. There's a vice around his chest and he can't breathe and he can't see and he doesn't have any idea where he is or if he's even alive or if she's stuffed him somewhere he'll never be able to escape and the thought makes his head spin as the air catches in his throat and gods don't even truly need to breathe and yet he can feel the cold claws of death tighten around his throat and all he can see in his final moments is the horrifying face of his mother's anger and he can feel the vines and roots around his ankles once more and-

"Who the hell are you?"

He looks up, pushing the sweat-covered hair out of his eyes. There's a man, in the darkness, who exudes a faint silver light around him that illuminates the walls and black marble floor. The man doesn't seem angry that he's there, or even all that surprised; just curiously resigned. There are so many questions on the tip of his tongue, so much he wants - needs - to know but only one makes it past the rock lodged in his windpipe.

"Am I dead?"

The man frowns and shakes his head. "I seriously doubt it, since you didn't cross the river." The man looks him over, taking in the flushed skin and sweat beads and the purple robes he donned the moment he decided to run and seems to decide something. He crouches down so he's eye level, poised on the balls of his feet with his elbows on his knees, and even in a full suit, he looks impeccably put-together. "I'm Thanatos. You can call me Hoseok. If you'll let me, I'd like to take you to someone who probably has a better idea of what you're doing here." All he can do is nod, and Hoseok extends a hand, which he uses to bring himself to a shaky stand.

"I'm Yoongi," He says, hesitant and quiet. "Um, I'm Kore. Or, Persephone. Either one."

"I think I'll stick with Yoongi," Hoseok says. His smile lights the hallway that Yoongi stands in, and it eases something inside him, though he isn't sure what. Hoseok doesn't let go of his hand as he guides Yoongi through the corridors, and talks to him the entire time. He speaks of his duties there, souls he's judged that day, ones he wished he could do more for, comforts Yoongi when a walking skeleton in Roman armor passes him and explains that those are the security force of the palace. By the time they make it to a large room, lit on each side with braziers of Greek fire that give the room an eerie glow, Yoongi has a fairly good idea of where he is, and who Hoseok is taking him to see.

The large ebony throne at the end of the room and the black-robed figure sitting atop it only confirms his fears.

When Hoseok enters the throne room, you're only slightly surprised. It wasn't entirely uncommon for him to take a break from his judicial duties, and so long as there were plenty of Bones to watch the gates, you had no issues. Years would sometimes pass before Hoseok needed to return, relieving the judgment council once more and returning them to their own afterlives.

To see him shadowed by the mint-haired boy you pulled through the earth, however, is a shock.

You set the papers you'd been writing at to the side. Your robes, woven from shadows and dipped in the Styx, swirl around your bare feet as you move to sit correctly with your back straight instead of lounging as you'd been doing before. The darkness you’d brought forth to cushion your chair, plump and fat and soft underneath you, shifts as well, keeping the hard edge of the marble from digging into your skin. Hoseok stifles a smile at the sight and you narrow your eyes at him. You wish he'd say something about it, the punk.

"What can I do for you, Hoseok?" You eventually ask as he and his companion reach the steps just below your throne. Even now, you can barely bring your eyes away from the boy behind him; he's radiant, the light in the room seemingly drawn to him despite the way he's slouched into himself.

"I was just wondering if you knew how this young man came to be in the underworld, my lady," Hoseok says. Your eyes dart back to him and you can't help the way your heart softens at the soft silver shine around him. You look to the mint-haired god again; his eyes dart around nervously as if he expects something to jump out at him, and he's close enough to Hoseok that if the other were to step back, they'd both likely fall to the floor.

You lean forward in your throne, doing your best to project a calm and friendly air to the shorter of the two gods. "Do you not remember?" You ask quietly. Your eyes don't leave his big brown ones, and you can see the moment the panic sets in. "It's fine, you don't need to answer me. Just know that you're safe here."

"Yoongi?" Hoseok says quietly, drawing the boy's attention. "Hey, it's alright. We're not gonna let anything happen." It takes several minutes but eventually the boy - Yoongi, apparently - nods. He hasn't relaxed at all, but he doesn't seem like he's about to bolt out of your throne room, so you consider it a success.

"You were praying," You tell him softly. "You asked for my help, so I gave it, as best I could. I don't think you meant for your words to reach me, but they did." Yoongi frowns ever so slightly as he takes in the knowledge. There's a hint of anxiety in his face, his brow furrowed adorably, but he doesn't startle when Hoseok rests a hand on his shoulder. He looks up, though, and the two of them seem to have a silent conversation. Something settles in your stomach, seeing the ease with which Hoseok interacts with him, and you swallow down the lump in your throat. It's ridiculous to feel anything like this; Hoseok is your subordinate and friend, and you've hardly known Yoongi for five minutes.

"He can stay here, right?" Hoseok asks. You look to Yoongi, wondering if he even wants to stay, if he even wants to be here at all or if he wished someone else had answered his prayers. Hoseok calls your name softly and your gaze flicks to him. "Can he stay?"

You find that you're debating with yourself. Yoongi clearly doesn't belong here; he is soft and sweet and gentle and completely at odds with the harsh, depressive atmosphere that lingers in your palace. He looks terrified even now as he takes in the room, eyes lingering on the bones that were fused together to make your throne. And yet...you cannot escape the fear and hope that had echoed in his prayer, the sheer desperation that someone would help him. He had been running and terrified, which could only mean that he was being chased by something or someone, and you couldn't force him out if he was in danger.

"If you would like to stay," You say after a moment too long, "Then you are, of course, more than welcome to do so." You rise from your throne, shadows dissipating as you do, and take a couple of tentative steps toward the pair. He doesn't shrink back in fear, which you take as a good sign. "The guest quarters will be yours to do with as you please. Hoseok can show you around the palace and grounds, so you don't get lost, and the Bones can bring you anything you require." You move to press a hand to Hoseok's arm, and you level him with a careful look.

"Of course, my lady," Hoseok says. He turns to Yoongi with a radiant smile. "And you can leave whenever you'd like."

"Of course," You agree quickly. "Hoseok can take you back and forth across the river as you wish. Charon can be quite fussy about it." Several times, your guests have been stuck on the wrong side of the river until someone brought your ferryman his payment. Yoongi looks slightly less terrified, and in the emerald glow of the fires, you notice how wide his eyes are. "Oh! You're from the surface, of course, I forgot."

With a snap of your fingers, the sconces along the walls light themselves, and the candles ringing the large chandelier in the center of your throne room surge to life as well. Yoongi startles a little, stepping closer to Hoseok.

"Ah, I forget you surfacers can't see as well down here," Hoseok mutters. "We'll get you a candlestick as well, just in case." He nods to you, Yoongi copying him in a most adorable way. They're halfway out of the room when a thought occurs to you.

"Yoongi?" You call after him. He turns, and the green halo around him makes your heart falter. "Don't eat the pomegranates. Not even the seeds." His brow furrows in confusion but he gives a hesitant nod before he turns and hurries after Hoseok.

As much as your chest aches for him, you won't subject him to this life. You watch him go and wonder how long he'll last in this hellscape.

When their shadows have long disappeared from the walls, you turn and retake your seat on the throne. With a wave, a small team of Bones appears in front of you - the same uniforms, with the same unit numbers, stamped on their dog tags, and the same haunted look where their eyes once were - and you do a quick count. Ten should do fine for what you need.

"Scour the earth. Do not speak to anyone. Find out what he was running from, and if it still searches for him. Don't let anyone see you, and don't let anyone know why you're looking. Return if you're in danger. Report to me immediately." They salute, and you watch their forms slowly disappear, becoming more and more transparent until they glide upwards and through the cracks in the ceiling.

You sit back and wonder how long it will take for you to get answers, and if it will be before or after Yoongi realizes he's too good for this place.

Yoongi is quiet. That's the first thing Hoseok notices about him. He doesn't initiate conversation, really, instead content to listen to Hoseok talk about the various souls he's judged and the occasional escape attempts someone has made. At first, when Yoongi speaks, he's quiet, like he doesn't really want - or expect - to be heard, and he always looks pleasantly surprised when Hoseok answers his question or responds to his comments.

It makes his heart ache, and he wonders what exactly Yoongi has gone through to make him so shocked that anyone would actually listen to what he has to say. It takes weeks for him to warm enough to Hoseok to start speaking more often, to ask questions about his day, to actually request specific things. The day Yoongi asked Hoseok, soft and hesitant, if he could show him the Meadow and the tree, Hoseok almost cried. Yoongi was so obviously ready to be told no, fully expectant for Hoseok to decline such a simple request, and it only reinforced Hoseok's need to give the god everything he could ever want.

"What are you doing, Yoongi?" Hoseok asks when he looks up. They're at the gates, Hoseok in the usual position, eyes roving over the lines of souls slowly shuffling forward, and Yoongi sitting nearby. Cerberus is curled up behind him, dwarfing the god with his massive body, all three heads snoring and slobbering as they sleep haphazardly on top of each other. Yoongi glances up at Hoseok as he grabs another flower from the basket beside him.

"I'm making Cerb some flower crowns," Yoongi answers as if it was obvious. Hoseok frowns.

"Flower crowns?" He echoes. "What's a flower crown?"

Yoongi gives him a disbelieving stare. "It's a bath salt. What the fuck do you think it is, Hobi? It's a crown made of flowers." Hoseok is caught off guard by the sarcasm, as he has been every time Yoongi has spouted off some kind of sass to him. He strides over and crouches beside the mint god to watch him.

Yoongi's fingers are sure and steady as he weaves the stems of the flowers together. It's already half-dozen, Hoseok thinks, the crocus blossoms blending together prettily and not straying in the slightest from where he places them. Hoseok hasn't ever seen anything like it, and he's entranced by the way Yoongi's fingers move and the way the flowers seem to just do whatever he wants without much coaxing on his part.

"I had the Bones bring me back a basket from their last excursion," Yoongi says. "Since none grow here." He stops with one last crocus and eyes it critically before apparently deciding it was good enough. Hoseok can't take his eyes off the thing, enraptured even as Yoongi sets it gently on his head. Hoseok can feel his eyes widen and his cheeks flush red.

"Thanks," He says after a second, one hand darting up to steady the crown as he shifts his weight. He smiles, unable to help himself and poses. "What do you think? Does it suit me?"

"Ugh, you wish," Yoongi says. Hoseok can see the smile in his eyes and is satisfied with the mirth threatening to bubble past Yoongi's lips.

"Y'know," Hoseok says after a while, hands in his pockets as he watches Yoongi make the second crown for Cerb. "I bet if you planted some seeds near the pomegranate tree, they'd grow." Yoongi's hands stop moving, his eyes drifting up to look past Hoseok. Something similar to excitement hides behind his eyes, and Hoseok wants nothing more than to bring it out to shine. Yoongi cocks a brow as if to say 'really' and Hoseok nods.

The gummy smile he gets in return, full of hope and light that the underworld hasn't ever seen before, is well worth the potential scolding you may give him for suggesting Yoongi fiddle with the tree's courtyard. And the way he keeps the flower crown nearby, hanging off a hook on the gates long after the blossoms have wilted and died, is worth the shy smile Yoongi gets every time he sees it.

You don't see Yoongi for the first few weeks he's there. Not really. You catch glimpses when he passes through the palace halls with Hoseok, and he sits with Cerberus while you visit Hoseok at the gates, but he makes no effort to seek you out, and you respect that distance. You can't bring yourself to force your company on him. You're an acquired taste; Hoseok has been in this realm for so long that he's accustomed to the darkness that follows you, the aura of death and despair that usually surrounds you. He's been surrounded by the dead almost as long as you have, so you know he can't be affected by it. Yoongi, though…

Yoongi is life. He's the springtime blossoms in a summer breeze, he's the sound of birds chirping in the treetops, he's vibrant and fresh and lovely and you cannot ruin that. You can't watch him wither away like a winter garden, you can't watch the color drain from his skin until he's just as much a ghost as the souls that wander the Meadow, you can't let him become just as dead as everything else in this cursed place.

So you leave him be. You offer curt nods when you see him with Hoseok and polite waves because giving any more of yourself to him without letting yourself get closer would be too dangerous. Even with the distance you keep, your chest tightens with every smile that graces his lips, you ache to hear his voice even just once, and it's too much. It's too much for someone you haven't even had a real conversation with. Someone who looks at you with apprehension and anxiety, yet brings undeniable joy to the man you've always held in your heart.

It's too much for you to feel like this for someone who makes Hoseok smile as if he's seeing sunlight for the first time in thousands of years. You love Hoseok too much to stand anywhere near them.

You've been avoiding both of them for days. You can't bear to see Yoongi's gummy smile and Hoseok's adorable dimples as they gaze at each other, and you're busy enough to make a decent excuse for it. Expansion isn't difficult, but keeping it quiet is. Plus you've been on the hunt to figure out what had been after Yoongi with such ferocity that it sliced right through his robes and had him praying to anyone who would listen.

You had a few helpful leads, but nothing concrete, and it was more than a little frustrating. Which is why you find yourself stepping out of the shadows of the pomegranate tree, hopeful that it could help to ease even just part of the emotions rolling in your gut.

The sight of Yoongi surprises you, even more so when you see that he's on his knees beside the tree with dirt covering his hands and a smidge of something on his cheek. He looks absolutely wondrous, like everything you've been missing from the world above, and it would bring tears to your eyes if you let it because he's so far out of your reach.

"Hi," You say after a long debate with yourself. Yoongi's head shoots up and he fixes wide eyes on you. He reminds you of the ones who come to you with no memory of what's happened to them, scared and alone and about to get the worst news of their lives. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry," He says immediately. "I didn't mean to, not really. You just said not to eat them, and I'm not, so I thought it would be okay. Hobi suggested it and you two are so close that I figured he'd know if you'd be upset."

"I'm not upset." Your voice is as gentle as you can make it. "I'm just curious. Hoseok didn't mention anything to me, and no one really comes here."

"Oh." The relief is palpable as it courses through him, and he looks back down at the ground in front of him. "I'm just planting some flowers so I can make more crowns for Hobi and Cerb. The others died so fast, and I don't want to keep sending the Bones out to get more if I don't have to."

"Oh, you made the flower crown for Hoseok?" You'd figured as much. No one else in the underworld knew how to make them, and Yoongi was the only consistently around him. "He showed me that, it was gorgeous."

"Obviously, it was made by me, after all," Yoongi spouts. You gape at him, and he gives you a contrite grimace. "I'm sorry, my lady Hades, I forgot who I was with for a moment. It won't happen again."

"It should," You say before you can stop yourself. He glances at you curiously. "I don't mind if you're relaxed and casual around me. I've never been one to enforce the rules that Olympus has. Hoseok is proof enough of that. And you can use my name, I don't mind."

The way he whispers your name, almost as if he's practicing it to himself, makes your heart flutter in your chest. It's so dangerous to be around him like this, relaxed and casual; it's so easy to forget that it's Hoseok that gets this, that deserves this small piece of sunshine.

"Well," Yoongi eventually says. "In that case, you can get to work. I've got an entire basket of seeds left to plant around this thing, and I can only work so fast. Plus I'm getting hungry."

"Oh. Okay, show me what to do." You don't hesitate to mirror his position, robes bunching under your knees in the dirt as he points at the small holes he's carved out of the dirt with the trowel and rake the Bones nabbed for him.

Yoongi is patient, you learn. Not extremely so, but he walks you through what you need to do with clear directions. The seeds are small in your hands, which amuses you to no end, and there's an odd delight in packing the soil around them and dripping water down onto them after. You're smiling for the first time in...you don't know how long, and the feeling of Yoongi's hands around yours as he shows you how to use the trowel is something akin to paradise.

His hands are rough; calloused and weathered and wonderful against the softness of your own. You start to talk freely to him, asking him about each seed you plant and what they are and how they look. He tells you about each one, the deep timbre of his voice like music to your ears. He rolls his eyes at every joke you make, despite the way he smiles, and hits back with several quips of his own. He listens as you tell him, voice shaking, about the pomegranate tree, and how it curses anyone who eats its fruit to stay trapped in the underworld forevermore. He talks and listens and jokes and laughs and it's only after you've made a particularly ridiculous joke that you realize your mistake.

"You've spent too much time around Hobi," Yoongi says. "He made the same joke yesterday." He's looking down at the last few seeds, plotting where in the courtyard to put them, and doesn't see the way the smile dies on your face. You'd forgotten. For a brief time, you'd forgotten that this is just pretending.

You don't get to keep this. You don't get to stay here, in this courtyard, with Yoongi and his rough hands and the mint hair that falls in his eyes and his gummy smile. This isn't yours. You don't get flower crowns and jokes and soft kisses, no matter how much you want them, just like you don't get Hoseok's bright grin or his dimples or his long fingers intertwined with yours. Your heart aches for these two beautiful boys, both of them everything you could ever want in so many different ways. And yet you have neither of them, you don't get either of them. They are each other's, and there is no room there for the death you bring in your wake. You kill everything you touch; the mortals whisper about the cold grip of your hands on their neck as they pass over.

You look back over the seeds you've helped Yoongi plant and wonder how many you've killed before they even lived.

You stand and brush the dirt off your robes. "Well," You say, careful to keep your voice level. "I've got some things to do. I trust you'll be alright on your own." You can't bring yourself to look at Yoongi, can't bear to see the dirt that smudged along his cheek, can't stand to see the way the orange robes drape along him and remind you of the way the autumn leaves looked coating the grass in the meadows.

He doesn't even get a response out before you flee, but you feel his eyes on your back long after you've hidden in the shadows and sunk down onto your bed.

It's astounding, you think as you rinse the dirt off your hands later, how a single afternoon planting seeds with someone can be so detrimental to the walls you'd put around your heart. Tears blur your vision and your fingers are trembling, but you keep scrubbing until the phantom slide of his hands against yours is gone and there is no more evidence of the planting you'd done. When you finally stop, your skin is raw and throbbing, and there are tears running down your face.

You had long accepted that Hoseok could never be yours. You were in two different positions, and he was much too bright to want to be with someone like you. Your shadows would have suffocated him, so you resigned yourself to being his friend. Friend is safe. Friend is good.  

You’d known the same when you met Yoongi. Bright and colorful amidst the darkness of the underworld, you wouldn’t dare to get any closer to him, too familiar with the fluttering of your chest and the jumping in your stomach every time you saw him. Just being friendly was enough, ensuring he is safe and happy is fine with you.

But this? Watching the two of them grow closer and closer, able to love each other so wholly while you stand alone in your darkness, watching their bright smiles and soft looks, all directed only at each other, for eternity? This was too much for you to bear. Being hopelessly in love with one man you can’t have is bad enough, but two of them…

You wish for the first time that you were not immortal, but a meager human upon the surface, unaware and blissful in your ignorance.

He never expected this. Not from the moment he woke up, not when he was sprinting through a forest to escape his mother, not for a single heartbeat could he ever imagined everything that has happened to him since he arrived in this cold land.

He’s been alone for so long, hidden away in his mother’s garden with only the rare visit from Artemis or Hestia as he learned how to do anything and everything his mother wished. He’s never had friends before, he’s never had the subtle inside jokes that he shares with Hoseok, familiar enough that even just a quick glance can have them both bursting with laughter. He’s never known a goddess like you, able to weave together the darkness into something tangible, something useful, something real. It’s like nothing he’s ever seen, and Hoseok’s uncanny ability to bend the environment around him and use his silvery aura to turn almost invisible to the naked eye never ceases to amaze him. The two of you are so powerful, so utterly awe-inspiring, and every single thing his mother had told him is so far from the truth that it almost hurts.

Neither you nor Hoseok is standoffish, really; he can see the hesitant friendship in every smile you send his way, and Hoseok’s primary concern at any moment is making sure he’s happy and safe. It warms Yoongi in a way he could never explain, not even in a million years, simply because he’s never felt this way. In all the books he’s read, the plays he’s seen, every mortal he’s watched, he’s seen this.

He’s seen how they turn red with just a look, how their hearts stutter when hands brush, how they smile, soft and private when they think no one is looking at them. He’s seen this feeling, the bubbling in his chest that he gets every time Hoseok laces their fingers together while walking and the moment you step into the courtyard and see the kaleidoscope of colors that you helped plant. He never would have guessed that he would feel it, though, too isolated from the rest of the world until he came here. Until you pulled apart the earth itself to help him escape, without even knowing why or who he was.

The feeling grows inside of him, thorns pricking into his every breath because he knows it can’t last. He’s seen how you and Hoseok look at each other when you think no one is watching, can feel the pull between you and the years upon years of familiarity that lie between you. The two of you are closer than he could ever get, two sides of the same coin, and more suited to each other than he would ever be.

And he can’t stay.

That’s the worst part. He knows it, knows that she will find him before long and wrap her claws around his throat and drag him back into that gilded cage she calls a greenhouse just to leave him. It’s for the best, my dear, she’ll say, it’s to keep you safe.

Yoongi doesn’t want to be safe, though. He wants to be happy and free, and he’s found that place here, surrounded by death even as he carves out his own little area of life. With Hoseok’s warm grin across from him and your own cool fondness beside him. With flower crowns atop his head and Hoseok’s, and the small buds are woven into your own crown of bones and grief as a small reminder that even in death, there is life.

But she will find him. She always does. And though he cannot bear the thought of leaving you, he will, if only to keep you safe.

Yoongi's been there almost a year when you summon Hoseok to dine with you. By the time he gets to your office - a very understated term for the sprawling library - you're already sitting at your usual desk, food pushed aside and forgotten in lieu of the papers stacked in front of you.  Even with your head bent low and bags under your eyes, you're the most beautiful person Hoseok has ever seen.

He remembers the first time he met you when Zeus had assigned him to be the gatekeeper for the underworld. You were so young, so skittish and worried that you were going to be a terrible ruler as if the dead could be disappointed in you. You'd been beautiful then, too, but not in the same way. You've grown into yourself since then; you're no longer afraid of being a bad queen. You know that you're competent and capable, you know you can do this, and you frequently prove wrong any Olympian who says otherwise. You're mature now; strong and confident and brilliant, and even with the bags under your eyes and the shadows that lick lovingly against your skin, you are absolutely radiant.

Hoseok is so in love with you that it physically hurts him, and every time he looks at you, he is reminded of how you are just out of his reach.

He clears his throat and you look up. The tired smile that graces your face warms him, and he settles into a chair on your left with practiced ease. This isn't the first time you've asked him to dine with you, and it won't be the last.

"What's the occasion?" He teases, delighting in the way you roll your eyes and gesture to the food and nectar that sits in front of him.

"How is Yoongi?" You ask. It doesn't escape him that you don't answer, but you always have your reasons, so he doesn't call you on it.

"Well. He wanders around on his own and doesn't seem to jump at the slightest sound anymore. He came with me the other day when I judged and managed to pick fifteen people for Elysium in a row." An expression passes over your face that he can't decipher. He continues anyway. "He still won't talk much about what happened, but he also doesn't seem to be in much of a hurry to leave. I imagine he'll get bored eventually, and we'll need to give Cerb extra treats when he does, but I'm not concerned just yet."

You nod and Hoseok starts to eat as you rifle through a few more papers. "You know he's Persephone?" You ask, and Hoseok nods. He'd forgotten to share that knowledge with you, but clearly, you had your own way of finding things out. "So then you're aware that his mother is Demeter."

Hoseok pauses for a minute. He swallows the food in his mouth and really looks at you for the first time since he sat down. The bags under your eyes are more prominent, and you're wearing your Hades expression. The one that stays professional and controlled and tells people nothing of your true thoughts. Well, people that haven't known you for more than a thousand years.

"Hoseok, he can't stay here forever," You eventually say. "She's been looking for him everywhere. The humans' crops are ruined, ice and snow have covered the earth, more people are dying than we can hold right now. She won't stop."

"And that means we kick him out?" Hoseok hisses. You close your eyes and he can feel the sigh you're holding back. "You said yourself that he could stay as long as he wants. You can't just rescind that because some wheat goddess is going on a rampage. We still don't know what he was running from, or if it's still out there, and I won't watch him-" He stops, frozen by the way you're pressing your tongue into the side of your cheek. It's the only tell you have and he rarely sees it, because you rarely keep things from him. "What do you know?"

You don't answer, and he repeats the question, louder this time, as he surges out of his chair.

"I was running from her," Yoongi's voice echoes through the library. You and Hoseok both turn to see him standing in the door, and Hoseok's heart swells at the sight. He's in soft, muted pink robes that Hoseok knows he made himself. His cheeks are rounder, and he's no longer curled in on himself. He looks stronger. Confident. Unafraid. "I was running from my mother. That's what you found out, right?" Hoseok looks to you, and the regret in your eyes just confirms it.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi, I was only trying to make sure you were safe, I didn't mean-"

"It's alright," Yoongi says as he moves to run his hand along your cheek. "I know." He smiles at you. Hoseok looks between the two of you - Yoongi's hand resting lightly on your cheek and a soft smile on his lips while his eyes crinkle with rare happiness, your own eyes wide and full of what can only be described as pure, unadulterated love - and his stomach rolls violently. Even after all the time Hoseok has spent with you, and with Yoongi, and the times he's entered a room to find the two of you in comfortable silence, he never expected this. He should've, he realizes; the two of you are a perfect match, complementing each other to near perfection, each fault being smoothed over by the other's strengths.

How could he have thought you wouldn't fall in love with Yoongi? Soft, kind Yoongi, who had just enough snark inside of him to make every word out of his mouth an unexpected joy. Yoongi who braids flower crowns with the flowers he's started to grow in the courtyard, surrounding the pomegranate tree with the beautiful blooms. Yoongi, who encourages Hoseok to judge more and more souls, ones that don't request it, who can somehow pick the good people from the bad just by looking.

And how could he have ever expected Yoongi not to fall for you? Strong and intelligent, determined and kind. You who opened your home to him in his most vulnerable moment and never expected anything in return. You who did everything in your power to find what was chasing him, and find a way to stop it. You, with your lonely smile and your bare feet. You, who Hoseok himself has been in love with for tens of thousands of years.

How could he have expected either of you not to fall in love in the months that you have known each other when Hoseok couldn't even stop himself?

“I’ll go back to her,” Yoongi says softly, finally dropping his hand from your cheek and turning the radiant smile on Hoseok. “She’ll have no reason to continue this if I return.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Yoongi,” You say immediately. ““You were desperate to get away from her, and...what she almost did to you, that’s unacceptable.”

“Let her rage,” Hoseok agrees. “You’re safe here, no one can get to you without getting through the two of us first, not to mention Cerberus and the Bones. No nature goddess will last in this place, not with our full force around you.”

“Thank you, Hobi, but no. I can’t ask you both to do that, not when it could end so badly for you. You don’t know what she can do, it’s not-”

“You aren’t asking us,” You say. Your voice is as quiet as always, but there’s a firmness there that Hoseok recognizes. It’s usually saved for the throne room when some mortal has been particularly annoying or stubborn, and it’s a shock to see it directed at Yoongi. “We are offering. Let us protect you, Yoongi. At least let me speak with Zeus about this. I may be able to convince him to intervene.”

Yoongi hesitates, the indecision is written all over his face, and Hoseok leans to lace their fingers together. It’s a familiar gesture, done so often to prevent Yoongi from getting lost that it’s second nature at this point.

“Please,” Hoseok pleads when Yoongi looks at him. “Please, Yoongi.”

The reluctant nod is all the confirmation needed. You’re already scribbling out a summons for Hermes to carry to the lord of the gods, and Hoseok is halfway through the halls to reinforce the gates and ensure Cerberus knows his task. He tries not to think about the way Yoongi lingered behind, one hand on your shoulder as he watched you write and the other caressing the flower-riddled braids he’d made earlier that day.

He doesn’t think about it, because in the end, it doesn’t matter. Hoseok is so deeply in love with the two of you, so grossly enamored, that he would go to the end of time itself if it meant keeping the two of you safe and happy. Even if that meant watching you love each other and not him.

“What do you mean, he won’t help?”

You massage your temples without looking up from the letter Zeus had sent back with Hermes. He was, unsurprisingly, not helpful. Hoseok had appeared not long after the messenger had left, and is, also unsurprisingly, irate.

“According to him, he has no dog in this fight, because Yoongi isn’t his son, he’s Demeter’s, and if he were to get involved, he’d side with her since the humans are dying so quickly, which isn’t exactly good for worship numbers.”

“Are you kidding me? He seriously said he’d take her side in this?”

“Not in so many words, but yes. And I get it, Hobi. His job is to keep the peace between everyone in Olympus, and without actually coming here to give me an audience, all he has is Demeter’s side of the story.”

“Which is?”

“That I kidnapped her son and am currently holding him captive in a dungeon down here.”

“That’s absurd. He’s not captive at all, he’s happier here than he ever was up there, and you didn’t kidnap him!” You give a slight nod to show that yes, Hoseok, you’re aware of the truth. “Does he know what she does to him? How she treats him?”

“Hoseok, please,” You mutter. The weight of Zeus’ words is like a blade against your throat and you want nothing more than to help Yoongi. Clearly, the Fates have decided against that. “You know how he is. Do you honestly think he’d care? She has a claim to him, despite what he wants, and unless we find a way to get Zeus down here or go there ourselves, our lord won’t be able to hear any other side of this story.”

“Then we’ll...we’ll go there! We’ll make them listen! You could talk sense into him, make him see that he needs to help.”

“You know I can’t do that, Hobi.” Hoseok flinches, as if just remembering that you are as captive here as the souls you keep. You’re glad, not for the first time, that Death Itself cannot be contained, so that Hoseok, at least, is free to come and go as he pleases. “And before you say it, no, we can’t ask him to go. It isn’t safe. The second he sets foot outside this realm, she’ll pull him back. We’re lucky that he hasn’t already told her where Yoongi is.”

Your statement is punctuated with a muffled thud, and the anxiety that runs through you is mirrored in the look Hoseok gives you. Another thud echoes through the palace, the ground rumbling under your feet, and you stand.

“Where is he?” You ask, already pulling the shadows around you.

“Just past the gate, walking through the Meadow. If we hurry-”

“Go.” You disappear into the blackness, never more glad that Hoseok can sense the living in your land. When you step away from the shadows, Yoongi is there, confusion written across his face and fear in his eyes. “You have to run.”

“No,” He says. “I’m not going to keep running from her. I’m staying here, she can’t take me back.”

“Yoongi, please,” You beg. He’s too vulnerable here, too open, too easily seen with his spring green robes billowing around his feet and flowers woven into a crown atop his head. He takes your hands in his and pulls you close, and you’ve never seen a fire like this in him. It burns hot and strong and it makes your chest ache for what could have been.

“I won’t let her hurt you while I hide away like a coward,” He whispers. His thumb wipes away tears you didn’t know were there, and determination floods through you.

"Please, Yoongi. Let us help you. Let me help you. I-" The words choke in your throat, but Yoongi nods as if they made it out.

"I love you, too." His voice is soft, barely audible over the shaking ground and the deafening sound of hooves slamming into your gates. You feel more than see Hoseok land beside you, and his hand rests on the small of your back without hesitation.

"Take him," You tell Hoseok. "Go to the palace. You'll be safe there. Don't let him leave."

Hoseok's eyes are fire-bright as he wraps an arm around Yoongi's waist. The god's protests fall on dead ears, even as you let your hands brush over the softness of Hoseok's ink black wings. Just one moment, that is all you want, just one single second to pretend.

"I'll see you after, my lady," Hoseok says firmly. You don't have the heart to correct him, nor the time, so you just nod. Yoongi's screams echo in your ears even as you turn, the blackness that lingers at every corner of your realm swirling around your feet and ready to be whatever you need. You let one last year fall from your eyes as the gates crumple, and the furious eyes of Demeter fixate on you and the black-winged figure carrying her son away.

Hoseok flies faster than he ever has, determined to get Yoongi into the palace and relative safety. The god sobs in his arms, still struggling to get back to where you stand in the Meadow, the massive form of Demeter towering above you, but Hoseok doesn't relax his grip. You gave him an order; he hadn't disappointed you yet, and he isn't about to start now. Not with Yoongi caught in the middle.

He doesn't hesitate when he touches down in the palace, wings retracted and brushing ever so slightly against the black marble floor. He turns to the nearby Bones and orders them to the doors, summoning as many others as he can spare from the gates and Fields to help barricade the palace from the goddess.

"Hobi, you have to go, you have to help her," Yoongi sobs. "She's gonna...I can't, Hobi, please, you have to keep her safe."

"I have to keep you safe," Hoseok replies. He's got a vice grip around Yoongi's arm as he pulls him deeper into the palace, doing his level best to avoid any window or door to the outside. "That was the order she gave and that's the order I shall obey."

"How can you say that?! Don't you care that she could-"

"Of course I care!" Hoseok spits, rounding on the shorter god the second the words leave his lips. "Do you think this is easy for me, Yoongi? Do you think I enjoy choosing between the two of you like this? Because I don't. I want nothing more than to be helping her right now, but I can't...I can't leave you alone here. It's too dangerous."

Hoseok isn't stupid; he knows exactly how he feels about you, and Yoongi, and he's not oblivious to the way the both of you look at him. Still, the two of you are powerful deities, worshipped and loved, feared and prayed to. He's just a guardian, content to sit in the background and watch for threats. Yes, he loves you, with every fiber of his immortal soul, but he also loves Yoongi, and he knows you love Yoongi, and you gave him an order.

"Hobi," Yoongi whispers, eyes wet and red and beautiful. "Hobi, please, you have to help her. She needs you. I can manage, I can hide, but she needs you. No one else can help her."

The fact that he's even considering this shows just how easy it is for Yoongi to manipulate him. Hoseok understands now, what you meant all that time ago. Yoongi's voice is rough and lingering and fearful but it carries so much hope that it digs into Hoseok's skin like a hook. He curses and bundles Yoongi into the corner.

"Stay hidden. Don't make a noise. You can't let her find you." Hoseok hesitates for a split second before pressing a quick kiss to Yoongi's forehead. "I will see you after this."

"I know."

It's never been harder for him to turn his back on someone, but Hoseok manages, with only one last look back before he takes to the air and surges forwards to where you stand, keeping Demeter back with every piece of your power.

Yoongi runs. He runs and runs and runs, the bare skin of his feet silent on the cool marble. The braziers have long since gone out, but he stopped needing them months ago. He knows where he is, even as he tucks himself into a small, nearly invisible niche in a corner. He hardly dares to breathe, too scared that the sound will alert his mother of his location. The palace is silent, not a single sound in the entire thing, and it's deafening in the aftermath of the rumbling screams that signaled your battle with her.

He isn't sure how he managed to convince Hoseok to leave him, whether it was the obvious love the god felt for you or the sheer desperation in his own eyes, but he could only pray the two of you made it out. As gods, you're all difficult to kill, but it's not impossible. Not for other deities.

Come out, little flower.

Yoongi stifles a whimper, panic coloring his vision white for a long while before he can breathe again. Memories flash behind his eyelids and he pried them open just to stare into the darkness.

You can't hide forever, little flower. You know that.

Her voice echoes against the marble. It makes her sound like she's everywhere and nowhere at once, able to find him even as he hides. He clenches his teeth and reminds himself that you and Hoseok are the only ones that know this palace better than him.

You're making me very angry, little flower. Why do you run? I only want the best for you, and you insist on causing such a fuss.

The sound of her sandals reaches him, reverberating off the walls and telling him that she's far too close. He slips silently out of the niche and pads across the floor on the balls of his feet. He doesn't make a sound, something he perfected in his time with her, and just as she slips around the corner, he's darting down another hallway.

Look at what you've done, little flower. All this mess, and for what? Do you like it when I'm angry? Do you enjoy this game of ours?

He slips into another hall just in time. Exhaustion has made him slow. The marble of the wall is cool against his heated skin, and he wonders where you are. Where Hoseok is. If you're alright or if you're laying in the Meadow, golden ocher pooling around you. The thought enrages him, and for the first time, he can feel power at his fingertips; real power, not the simple gardening magic she taught him as a child. He's ready to use it, he thinks. He's so tired of running, so tired of being afraid, and he's so fucking angry that the people he loves have had to fight his battles for him.

Found you, little flower.

Warmth circles his ankle and pulls before he can jerk away. Her nails are sharp than before, like sickles at the end of each long finger, and he scrabbles uselessly at the smooth stone floor. She's speaking but the sound of her voice - wind whispering through a field of wheat, a brook babbling in the summer - is drowned out by the blood pumping in his ears.

"No, I won't go back, you can't make me," He hisses, kicking at her hand with his free leg. He doesn't feel the cuts on his soles, doesn't register them at all until he sees the gold dropping onto the floor; the adrenaline masks the pain. She says something else and he stops kicking, though he doesn't know what she's said. He isn't listening, too busy thinking of a way out of this.

It comes to him, all at once, and he relaxes in her grip. His chest heaves in a sob, because he knows exactly what he has to do, and you will never forgive him for it.

"Alright," He says flatly. Demeter stops in her monologue. "I'll go with you. Just leave them alone." The smile that splits her face is more grotesque than any corpse he's seen in the Styx, but the way she releases his ankle is a blessing. He keeps himself hunched and downtrodden as he pushes himself up, into her waiting arms. The hug is bruising and brings vile to his throat, but it is necessary.

It's with a flash of green as he pulls away from her that he makes his move. The flower crown previously atop his head has morphed, grown into thick, thorny vines around her arms and keeping her in place.

Yoongi is gone before she can so much as screech, sprinting as fast he can through the halls to the one thing that can help him. He feels it when she rips through his flowers, his very soul shaking at the pain that rips through him, but he's determined. He's made good ground, he only had a little further to go.

The vibrant colors of the courtyard have never felt so welcome. He's halfway through, blossoms crushed under his feet as he tears through the carefully tended flowers, when she catches up. The blade of her scythe rips through his back, but the adrenaline masks the pain. He's bleeding, he knows, but he can't bring himself to focus on anything but the way the bark feels under his grip, branches reaching down to help him reach his goal.

She tears him out of the tree violently, no longer wearing the carefully sculpted mask of love. The scream that she unleashes when she sees him shakes the entire realm, soft pebbles falling from the ceiling of the cavern miles above his head, but he doesn't care.

The pomegranate is ripe against his tongue, juice tinting his lips pink, and the weight of it against his chest has never been more welcome. Demeter screams for what could be centuries, but Yoongi does not care, because he has won, and he has never tasted anything so sweet in his entire life.

"Come to bed," Hoseok pleads, not for the first time. You look at him with a sigh. His wings are gone, hidden away until he needs them again, and his arm is free of the bandages he's been wearing. It has taken so long for him to heal, and you still aren't sure he should be up and about. There's a small, barely perceptible scar along his forearm, the faintest reminder of what the two of you survived.

"I have to finish this before he returns, Hobi," You tell him, also not for the first time. Hoseok scoffs and comes around the desk to stand behind you, eyes roving over the documents in front of you.

"It's been over six months," He whispers in your ear. "Zeus has approved your expansion requests. I'm fine. You're fine. Yoongi will be back from Olympus soon."

"Hoseok," Your tone is warning despite the way he whispers your name. You deflate, falling back in your chair and letting him rub your shoulders. "I just miss him."

"I know. I do too." You're both quiet for a while. It has been six months since Demeter crashed into your world and rampaged through the Meadow to find Yoongi. You remember it so vividly, the way you struggled against the unbridled fury she had, the way Hoseok screamed as she broke his wing, the pain in your chest as you'd crawled to him and just held him in your arms until the Bones had made it to the two of you and carried him to the palace.

You had been, and still are, vastly proud of him and Yoongi for fighting back, but that didn't change the fact that they had both put themselves in immense danger by doing so. Even with the - admittedly brilliant, if stupid - plan that Yoongi had come up with, things never really worked out for you. Hoseok had been bedridden for weeks, unable to even more because of the pain in his wing. Hermes has helped with the healing process, which you were unendingly thankful for, but Yoongi had been carted off to Olympus almost immediately for negotiations.

Zeus, benevolent leader and incompetent moron that he is, had decided on a compromise: Yoongi would stay with you in the underworld after the harvest was finished, free to do whatever he liked, but until then he had to stay in Olympus. The letter had mentioned something about reparations to the mortals for the utterly obscene amount of crops they had lost - which was ridiculous really, they were doing their level best to kill the planet and you are gods, since when do gods pay reparations to mortals? - that Yoongi was required to use his abilities to help with.

You'd sent Hermes back with several colorful threats of what exactly would happen to the billions of dead you kept here should Yoongi return in any way other than utter perfection, and you've been anxious for days to find out whether you get to follow through on them. It only worsens when you remember that you have a decision to make when Yoongi returns. You remember the way he looked when he said he loved you, returning words you couldn't bring yourself to say, and you remember the elation and subsequent depression that came after the battle at the realization that you could have had him, were he not gone for half the year.

And yet you also distinctly remember the way Hoseok looked, wings splayed over several tables to hold them in place as they healed, vulnerable and shy as he told you that he was sorry for disobeying you. You won't ever forget his face as he explained, the way his lips formed around your name when he told you he couldn't beat to see you hurt, not after so many years spent loving you. The feel of his lips against your skin is like a phantom even now; Hoseok had waited until he was healed to do anything more than press chaste kisses against your knuckles, and even still you've not felt him the way you want, but it hasn't stopped him from trying.

"Come on, my lady," Hoseok says, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. "Just for a while." You grumble under your breath - you really do have work to finish before Yoongi arrives - but you allow Hoseok to pull you from your chair and lead you down the hall to your bedroom.

So lost in your own musings, you don't notice the figure lounging on your bed until he speaks.

"Six months and I don't get even so much as a hello?"

Your eyes shoot up and your breath hitches in your throat. Pale green robes lined in the most beautiful black and silver embroidery pool around him, matching the braided crown that rests atop his head. You didn't know flowers like that existed, let alone that they could look so wonderful on someone.

"I didn't know you were back," You breathe.

"That's the point of a surprise, my love," Hoseok says from behind you, hand tightening around yours. Guilt begins to grow in your chest and Yoongi tsks at you. He rises and comes to stand in front of you, brow furrowed.

"That's no way for a queen to look, is it? What has you thinking so hard?" His thumb smooths the space between your brows and you can't help the glance to Hoseok.

"I can't...I don't want to hurt you." Your voice is barely a whisper, and the familiar sting encircles your heart once more. You couldn't choose between the two of them, not if you tried, not even if it meant getting out of this place.

"You won't," Hoseok tells you with a familiar grin. "Yoongi and I have already talked about what we feel for each other, and for you. The only question now is if you'll have us. Both of us."

Months ago, you would have called them crazy and had them exiled for fear they'd gone mad. You never imagined you could have one of them, let alone both; you had been ready to tell them both that you had been mistaken because having one by your side while your heart still yearned for the other was far more cruel than anything you could put in the Fields of Punishment.

Now? Now you know what the Isles must feel like. It is Yoongi in front of you, thumb brushing lightly against your cheek while Hoseok's warmth is steady behind you, one arm encircling your waist and keeping you steady.

"Both of you?" You echo. Yoongi nods.

"You don't have to," Hoseok says from behind you. "But we know how you feel about us, and we're sure in how we feel for each other. There are stranger pairings in the world, aren't there?"

"Only one of you could be king." You aren't sure why you say that, can't remember why it even matters when Hoseok trails his lips over the shell of your ear.

"I never have looked good on a throne," He says. Yoongi's chest rumbles in a laugh, and you could cry at the sight of that familiar gummy smile.

"Please," Yoongi eventually says. "Please say yes." You search his eyes for any hint of indecision or regret, and when you find none, you turn to Hoseok. He has a soft, encouraging smile on his face, and he holds your crown in his free hand. The cool black metal is harsh against his tanned skin, but what draws your eye isn't the way the bones are fused together or the etchings of historical scenes across each. No, it's the soft pale green blossoms woven in among the metal, a stark contrast to the harshness of the bones, and the silver thread twined around all of it, dipping in and out in various places but clearly noticeable in the light. It's a perfect representation of the three of you and it makes your chest swell.

"Yes," You breathe. They don't move, and your eyes dart between them. "Yes, absolutely. I can think of nothing I have ever wanted more."

Yoongi surges forward, capturing you in a long-awaited kiss. His lips are soft as blossoms against yours, warm and gentle as the hands that cup your jaw and draw you closer. You're aware, distantly, of the soft clink of metal on stone as Hoseok sets your crown to the side, though his arm never leaves your waist.

Hours could have passed with Yoongi kissing you. You aren't sure. Time runs together and blends, a dizzying whirlwind of slow drags of his lips across yours followed by quick, messy bursts of his tongue. You can barely focus on what is happening, mind split between the absolute euphoria of kissing him and the heat that comes from Hoseok's fingers dancing along your waist and shoulders, his breath ghosting over your neck as he watches. When Yoongi finally detaches from your lips, he ducks down to suck at the exposed skin of your collarbone, and Hoseok turns your chin so you face him.

"May I, my lady?" He asks. His voice is rough and deeper than you're used to, affected by the sight of you and Yoongi. His fingers twine with the strings holding your robes together and you give him a nod. It doesn't even take a full breath before the black material is pooling at your feet. Hoseok stifles something that sounds suspiciously like a moan behind you, and you think Yoongi actually purrs. They both run their hands along your skin, basking in the goosebumps that they raise and the shivers that crawl up your spine.

"Absolutely ethereal," Yoongi mutters. You pull him into another kiss, one hand coming up to rest against his shoulder while your other tangles in Hoseok's hair where he's doing his level-best to leave his mark on your neck.

"Please," You murmur. "I want to make you happy."

"You've already done that, my queen," He says. His smile is soft and the glint in his eye is sharp. You huff a little and tap twice at Hoseok's neck; when he pulls away, pouting but compliant, you push Yoongi until he's falling back onto your bed. He goes with no objections, one hand twining his fingers with yours and you crawl up to straddle his hips. "Let me please you, my queen. I've been waiting six months to taste you, and I don't want to waste another moment if I don't have to."

Your breath hitches as Hoseok steps up behind you. The bare skin of his chest is a shock as it presses against your back, and he slides his hands along your sides before beginning to tease your nipples. You stifle the moan, emitting more of a whine than anything, and you think you nod. All you know is the heat between your legs and the knee-deep ache to make them happy.

Yoongi's between your legs in a flash. You can't be sure how exactly he moved so quickly without jostling you, but the thought is all but shoved out of your mind as he swipes his tongue against you for the first time. You're glad Hoseok is behind you because your legs are already trembling where they're curled under you and your head drops back to rest against his shoulder. As merciless as Hoseok is in his torment of your chest, Yoongi is doubly so.

You imagine a man starving and dehydrated in a desert wouldn't be this invested in a sudden banquet laid in front of him; Yoongi worships you, circling your clit several times before dipping down to dart teasingly in and out of your hole. He laps up every single drop of your arousal, dutiful in his mission even as Hoseok begins to whisper sweet nothings into your ear. The heat of his breath has you closer to the edge than you want to admit, but the sheer love that radiates from his words at the same time Yoongi rumbles out a heavenly moan straight into your folds, tongue buried inside of you, is what drives you over the edge.

You aren't surprised when neither of them stop; you get the sense Yoongi is thoroughly enjoying himself between your thighs, based on the growing tent in his robes. Hoseok grinds against your ass, and his own hardness presses against you with every painless thrust of his hips. A pang of guilt shoots through you and your hands drop. It's a bit of an awkward angle, but you make it work as you glide your hands over him. He's thick, that's for sure, and nearly as long as your forearm. How you're supposed to take that inside of you is anyone's guess, but as Yoongi brings you to yet another orgasm with his mouth, you realize that's exactly what they're preparing you for.

The whimper comes unbidden, walls clenching around nothing at the thought of them filling you, and they both shudder. "Please," You gasp, "Please, I need you. Both of you."

Yoongi graciously lets you rise off of him, and when you settle on your back, he sits up to smile at you. His lips and chin are absolutely coating in your slick, the sight erotic and exciting. The feeling is doubled as Hoseok grips Yoongi's chin, turning the mint-haired god to face him.

"How does she taste, my flower?" He purrs. You don't hear Yoongi's response, just the deep thrum of his voice, but you see the way Hoseok runs his thumb across Yoongi's lips, collecting your juices, before sliding it into his own mouth. You moan at the sight, Hoseok's eyes falling closed as he relishes in the taste of you. Yoongi strips out of his robes while he can, and he doesn't seem to miss the way your and Hoseok's eyes watch hungrily.

"Tell me what you want," Hoseok says, pulling you closer as Yoongi settles behind you. "We're here for you, my queen."

"I…" You falter. You aren't even sure what you want now; you've spent six months trying to figure out how to tell both of the men you love that you can't be with either of them and now you have both of them naked in your bed, waiting to please you. You can hardly think, can't focus beyond the feel of their skin against yours and the heat of their gaze, but you know one thing.

You need them to know how desperately you love them, and with the fire burning between your thighs, there is exactly one way you can do that.

"I need you inside me, Hobi," You tell him. "I need to feel you inside of me. Yoongi, too. Both of you." Hoseok's cock twitches and something in his jaw clicks. You don't wait for more of a response, choosing instead to slide across the sheets to straddle Hoseok's hips. His hands rest lightly on your hips, tentative now, and you smile at him. His hands are gentle now, soft as the smile he gives you in return. His cock is dripping and red, a warm heat in your palm as you guide him to your entrance.

The look in his eyes, the small moan he releases, the hitch in Yoongi's breath behind you as you slowly sink down onto Hoseok will forever be etched into your memory. You're so full that you could cry; he feels absolutely perfect inside of you, and it only gets better as he guides you carefully up and then back down onto him. Your moan is felt more than heard and it only gets louder as he speeds up. His fingers are marble against your his, unmoving and firm as he slides in and out. He doesn't look away for a second and neither do you; all the years you've spent thinking about him, the millennia you've ached to love and be loved by him, it has all led to this. Your hips moving against his, connected in a way you've never been before; if it were possible to read his thoughts, you think you could at this moment, because they must be a mirror of your own.

"I love you," You whisper. Yoongi's warmth presses against your spine as he slides a finger between the two of you to rub slow circles into your clit, and you gasp. "I love you, Hobi, so much." The words are a mantra on your lips, and you think there may be tears in his eyes but you can't be sure because you're coming again, shuddering on top of him, and Yoongi is gently pulling you off.

Hands turn you, and now it's Yoongi between your legs, cock red and throbbing where it sits against his stomach. He isn't as long as Hoseok, but he's wider, and you clench again at the sight.

Yoongi opens his mouth to say something, but you stop him with a soft kiss pressed against the corner of his mouth. You slide down onto him, welcoming the slight burn that comes with the stretch. It takes two breaths for you to become impatient and begin to move, grinding your hips down against his. Yoongi isn't as loud as Hoseok, soft pants and whines where Hobi is echoing moans and groans, but it's just as attractive. He moves his hips in tandem with yours, and the muses themselves couldn't have created a better rhythm. The words fall from your lips again; it's easier, now that you've said them to someone, to let them go. They don't ball in your throat, aren't a lump to swallow down anymore, and you revel in the feeling.

"I love you," Yoongi returns, thumbs ghosting over the skin of your thighs. "So much, both of you. Saved me, can't fucking...fuck, can't tell you enough." You nod and loose another moan when Hoseok slides a finger in alongside Yoongi's cock.

"Do you think she can take us both, my flower?" Hoseok asks. His voice is raspy in your ear and you shudder as you orgasm again. There's a moment when you wonder just how many times you can come from the two of them, but it's gone the second Yoongi speaks.

"I think she could," Yoongi responds. "She's certainly wet enough. Absolutely soaked, aren't you, my queen? Do you want that? Both of us in here, filling you up?" He punctuates every word with another thrust of his hips and you nod. You don't think you've ever wanted anything more.

Hoseok is careful as he fingers you, working you open with one, then two, then three fingers as Yoongi slides in and out. You'd commend them both on their stamina if you could spare a single thought to anything but the feeling of them. Yoongi looks wrecked, covered in sweat with swollen lips, panting and desperate as he writhes beneath you.

When Hoseok finally decides you're ready, he slides his fingers out and asks you again if you're sure. You barely have the presence of mind to nod, too close to coming again, but it's enough for him. He slides in, and all three of you are moaning. You can't be sure what it feels like for them, but you're in absolute bliss. Hoseok peppers your shoulder with chaste kisses, murmuring encouragement as he sinks deeper inside. His cock drags against your walls and Yoongi's dick, and the thought makes you clench around them both. You're so full, you may explode, but it's perfection. When Hoseok bottoms out inside of you, you're all still for a while, just getting used to it.

"You're perfect," Hoseok whispers into your skin. "Both of you, you're both fucking perfect. Fuck, can I-?"

"Yes," You interrupt. You're already grinding down onto them, desperate for any kind of friction. "Please, Hobi." He grunts as he starts to move, and Yoongi does the same. They get a steady rhythm after a while, one sinking in as deep as he could get as the other drags outward, only to slam back in at the last second.

A sob builds in your throat, the sheer pleasure rolling through your body too much to handle as orgasm after orgasm slammed into you. There are hands everywhere, two on your hips keeping you steady, two roaming your body and teasing your nipples, on one Hoseok's neck to keep him close as another rests lightly against Yoongi's throat. You aren't sure which are yours, can't tell where you end and they begin, too fucked out to be able to think beyond the drag of their cocks against your walls and the growing ache inside you.

"Please," You gasp. "Please, need it. Fill me, please, need you both to fill me, make me yours, forever. Mark me. I'm yours, always, please, fill me with you." They both groan at that, and their pace speeds up. They're hitting harder and deeper and brushing against the spot inside of you that makes your vision turn white. Something gushes down your thighs as you spasm around them wildly, hips jerking of their own accord, and you feel it as they come together, hot seed spilling inside of you as you ride out your highs together.

You're panting and sweaty and hot and still, you don't think you'd trade this for even a moment of sunlight. They slide out of you and their cum seeps down your legs before you can stop it. You fall to the bed beside Yoongi, chest heaving even as he wraps you in his arms. A wave of your hand creates a small fan near the bed, shadows churning out cool air that feels like ambrosia on your skin.

Hoseok reappears with water for you both, and you thank him. Your voice is nearly gone, but it's worth it, you think. You pat the space beside you and Hoseok climbs in. His skin is hot against yours; the three of you are essentially a furnace at the moment, but you can't bring yourself to care. You can't count how many orgasms you had or how long you spent with them; it could have been minutes or hours or even days. It doesn't matter to you, really. Sprawled between an already-sleeping Yoongi and a Hoseok that's tracing invisible designs onto your skin, you have everything you could ever want.

Later you sit atop the shadows near your bed, chin in your hand as you admire the card between your fingers. Yoongi and Hoseok are wrapped around each other in your bed, lightly snoring as the sheets rise and fall against their naked chests. As you watch them, Hoseok’s brow furrows and he lazily stretches his arm to pat against the bed in search of you. He snuffles a little, and Yoongi nuzzles deeper into the crook of his neck until they’re both quiet again.

Silver foil glints in the light and you look back at the card in your hand. There’s a stack a hundred high beside you, all of them identical to the next save for the curling letters that make up the recipients, but this one is special. This one is your favorite. If you didn’t absolutely have to send it off, you would frame it and hang it above your throne; ultimately, though, you’d rather bask in the aftermath that’s sure to come.

With a small smile, you set it atop the others and wrap the bit of twine around them all. It’s gone with a wave of your hand, no doubt appearing wherever Hermes is. You wish you could see the look on his face when he realizes what they are, but he’s not the one that you really wish you could watch.

The raspy call of your name brings you back to the present, and you look up to find Yoongi watching you, lids heavy with sleep and eyes dark. “What are you doing?” He asks.

“Nothing.” You grin and stand, letting the shadows underneath you fall away. “Just sending out a quick notice.” You slide in beside him and Hobi, the latter still asleep but turning to wrap his arms around you nonetheless. Yoongi presses kisses to your knuckles and you pull a stray flower petal from his hair.

“You’re gloating, aren’t you?” He mutters. There’s a smile behind his eyes, and it warms you.

“Maybe a bit.” You lean over and kiss him, gentle and tender and you hope that it conveys everything you can’t put into words. “Would you rather I didn’t?”

“No,” Yoongi answers after a long pause in which he moves to straddle Hoseok’s hips in order to get close enough to suck marks into your neck. His lips are slow against your skin, tired and lazy from sleep. “I think I enjoy this side of you, actually.” “I, for one, am very much enjoying this side of you.” You grin at Hoseok’s words, smiling down at him. He’s half-hard again, hands resting lightly on Yoongi’s hips and eyes fixed on the bruises that bloom on your neck. “I thought we were sleeping.”

“We were,” You tell him. “You can always go back to sleep if you want.”

“You wish,” He mutters. Yoongi groans against your neck and you look down to see Hoseok palming him, working him up to fullness as Yoongi fucks into his hand. You wrap one of your own around Hoseok and return the favor; the way his moan echoes through the room is better than anything the nine muses could have created.

It’s slow and tired, each of you already spent from your earlier activities, but when you eventually drop between them, chests heaving from your orgasms and already half-asleep again, you think it’s worth it.

When you wake later and find a card sitting on the flower-woven throne - a new addition to the hall, one most welcome - crumpled and half-torn with a thorn sticking out of it, you know it’s worth it.

[mieczyhale]

a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

so

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone) 

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise)  my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough. 

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol) 

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so. 

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

SO

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie) 

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

[caatws]

quarantine tag game

i was tagged by @salty-af-ace <3

1. Are you staying home from work/school?

yep, both my internship and classes are online/remote now. zoom university class of 2020 what’s good

2. If you’re staying at home, who’s there with you?

i’m quarantined with my roommates, who happen to be some of my closest friends. while i am grateful for that, i do miss my family and wish i could see them, esp bc i wasn’t planning to move home post grad so irdk when i can see them next.

3. Do you have pets to keep you company?

no unfortunately :/ i wish i could be with queso the cat but he’s at home with my immediate family

4. What do you miss the most?

a lot of things....but definitely the end of my senior year of college. i was supposed to be doing a lot of graduation-type events on campus this month, leading up to the big day next month, but now we have none of that. similarly, i miss my friends, bc many of them returned home quickly during or after our spring break so my goodbyes were either very rushed or nonexistent :/

5. When was the last time you left your home?

i haven’t like Gone Out To A Place since the day before easter (got takeout food), but in terms of physically leaving my apartment i went to my car to do my therapy appointment via zoom back on friday

6. What was the last thing you brought?

i bought one of the new cropped sweatshirts from the black widow movie merch line at hot topic! it just dropped last week and my life has nothing else these days okay 🙄 also i had enough gift cards to pay for the whole thing heheh

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

i am far from relaxed my friend my mind and body are dying

8. Are you a homebody?

i actually grew up in a pretty homebody-type family, so i am to an extent; at the same time, because i’m normally living life going to college in a major city with a good amount of friends, i typically go out way more while i’m at school rather than stay in, so this sucks!

9. What are movies you have watched recently?

one of my roommates wanted to do an mcu movie marathon but she’s moving out in like 2 weeks so we’re doing an expedited version (designed by yours truly). this weekend we watched im1, thor, catfa, and avengers 2012. we’re watching catws tonight and i’m fuckin Stoked

other than that, i’ve been catching up on some 2019 films - midsommar, little women, and parasite!

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

there’s....a Lot. probably the biggest and most obvious would be my literal college graduation, and next would be all the other events we had planned for this month preceding that to celebrate seniors at my school in their respective communities. so it’s just an all-around Bummer

11. What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

one of my close friends from high school was supposed to fly down to visit me for a few days and we were gonna go to disneyland - but then disney closed down just days before she was supposed to come, and the virus was spreading so fast, we just canceled the whole trip altogether :(

12. What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

hm i guess the “best thing” was that, because they canceled the rest of the semester at the end of our spring break, they canceled that following week of class? so we had a nice week-long break to sit at home and do nothing

13. Do you have any new hobbies?

i’ve been doing a lot of puzzles with my roommates. i also got them obsessed with mahjong for like a week. other than that i just play a lot of animal crossing

14. What are you out of?

we are not out of it but we are gonna need a lot more alcohol soon bc i am Tired!

15. What music are you listening too?

been listening to a lot of t swift - specifically lover and a couple other songs - which ik makes me a basic white girl but her lyrics just be speaking to me these days 😔

16. What shows are you watching?

mainly odaat and b99 since new eps are still coming out weekly. other than that i’ve just been rewatching a couple old shows like hannah montana and other disney channel classics. i also have seen parts of love is blind, the circle, tiger king, and zoey’s extraordinary playlist while my roommates were watching LMAO

17. What are you reading?

i recently read a wlw ya novel that i actually bought at a book store (very strange bc i haven’t bought a book for pleasure reading in Years LMAO) - the summer of jordi perez. other than that i’ve just been reading (and writing) fanfic aha

18. What are you doing for self care?

reading/writing fic, consuming an unhealthy amount of dark chocolate on a regular basis, and playing animal crossing

19. Are you exercising?

literally not at all! :^) a bitch is tired 24/7

20. How’s your toilet paper supply?

it could be better for an apartment of 5 ppl. but we’ll survive for now...

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

no but i wish i had the resources to semi-properly cut my hair cuz i wanted to get it cut short during this month and now i can’t :(

tagging: @novasforce, @justanalto, @barillapasta, @briel-arson, & anyone else who wants to do this! also feel free to skip this if i tagged you and you’re like nah LMAO

[morethanonepage]

i’m angery

i know i’m mostly a star wars killjoy on tumblr dot com lately but allow me to SCREAM about my latest nemesis, a book called “American Dirt”:

Lydia Quixano Pérez lives in the Mexican city of Acapulco. She runs a bookstore. She has a son, Luca, the love of her life, and a wonderful husband who is a journalist. And while there are cracks beginning to show in Acapulco because of the drug cartels, her life is, by and large, fairly comfortable.

Even though she knows they’ll never sell, Lydia stocks some of her all-time favorite books in her store. And then one day a man enters the shop to browse and comes up to the register with a few books he would like to buy―two of them her favorites. Javier is erudite. He is charming. And, unbeknownst to Lydia, he is the jefe of the newest drug cartel that has gruesomely taken over the city. When Lydia’s husband’s tell-all profile of Javier is published, none of their lives will ever be the same.

Forced to flee, Lydia and eight-year-old Luca soon find themselves miles and worlds away from their comfortable middle-class existence. Instantly transformed into migrants, Lydia and Luca ride la bestia―trains that make their way north toward the United States, which is the only place Javier’s reach doesn’t extend. As they join the countless people trying to reach el norte, Lydia soon sees that everyone is running from something. But what exactly are they running to?

Written by one Jeanine Cummins, who has Puerto Rican ancestry but grew up in the MD suburbs (as I did, tbf) and in 2015 considered herself white (”I am white...in every practical way, my family is mostly white.”  [cw for sexual assault and murder at the link]), everything I read about this book has begun to drive me to madness.

Recommended by the Mary Sue book club (the source of the above summary), it has since been retracted bc a) its sucks and b) THEY DIDN’T READ IT BEFORE PUTTING IT ON THE BOOK CLUB LIST (”I try to read most, if not all, of the books I recommend for the Book Club because I truly do love reading, and I want to make sure that if I suggest someone grab something, it’s something I can say I liked. When I was looking up two books to fill out the list, one of them was American Dirt. I saw that it had received a lot of positive press from Stephen King, Rumaan Alam, Don Winslow, Sandra Cisneros, and other literary news outlets including Oprah’s Book Club. It seemed like the type of literary fiction that’s always good for a book club read. I was mistaken.“)

Myriam Gurba, at Tropics of Meta, describes being asked to review it for a feminist magazine, and then being told her review was too negative to publish. It included gems such as:

Cummins bombards with clichés from the get-go. Chapter One starts with assassins opening fire on a quinceañera, a fifteenth birthday party, a scene one can easily imagine President Donald Trump breathlessly conjuring at a Midwestern rally, and while Cummins’ executioners are certainly animated, their humanity remains shallow. By categorizing these characters as “the modern bogeymen of urban Mexico,” she flattens them. By invoking monsters with English names and European lineages, Cummins reveals the color of her intended audience: white. Mexicans don’t fear the bogeyman. We fear his very distant cousin, el cucuy.

[...]

With their family annihilated by narcotraffickers, mother and son embark on a refugees’ journey. They head north, or, as Cummins’ often writes, to “el norte,” and italicized Spanish words like carajo, mijo, and amigo litter the prose, yielding the same effect as store-bought taco seasoning.

[...] Lydia’s husband, a journalist, describes her as one of the “smartest” women he’s ever known. Nonetheless, she behaves in gallingly naïve and stupid ways. Despite being an intellectually engaged woman, and the wife of a reporter whose beat is narcotrafficking, Lydia experiences shock after shock when confronted with the realities of México, realities that would not shock a Mexican.

It shocks Lydia to learn that the mysterious and wealthy patron who frequents her bookstore flanked by “[thuggish]” bodyguards is the capo of the local drug cartel! It shocks Lydia to learn that some central Americans migrate to the United States by foot! It shocks Lydia to learn that men rape female migrants en route to the United States! It shocks Lydia to learn that Mexico City has an ice-skating rink! (This “surprise” gave me a good chuckle: I learned to ice skate in México.) That Lydia is so shocked by her own country’s day-to-day realities, realities that I’m intimate with as a Chicana living en el norte, gives the impression that Lydia might not be…a credible Mexican. In fact, she perceives her own country through the eyes of a pearl-clutching American tourist.

Parul Sehgal, at the NYT, digs into the fact that while the motives of this book may be unimpeachable (tho: are they??), the writing itself is...perhaps less so:

I found myself flinching as I read, not from the perils the characters face, but from the mauling the English language receives. Lydia’s expression “is one Luca has never seen before, and he fears it might be permanent. It’s as if seven fishermen have cast their hooks into her from different directions and they’re all pulling at once. One from the eyebrow, one from the lip, another at the nose, one from the cheek.” Yes, of course. That expression.

Sehgal also highlights my favorite line I’ve heard about in this book: “when Lydia finds she is unable to pray, ‘she believes it’s a divine kindness. Like a government furlough, God has deferred her nonessential agencies.’” The Raised in the DMV Suburbs just JUMPED OUT, didn’t it, Jeanine? But like legit, why on earth would a Mexican bookstore lady’s frame of reference ever be A GOVERNMENT FURLOUGH and NONESSENTIAL AGENCIES. followers, i just about died. 

David J. Schmidt, at The Blue Nib, calls out other inaccuracies and stereotypes:

It is worth dwelling on the character of Javier for a moment. A “drinking game” could be created based on all the Latin American stereotypes he personifies. Javier is dapper, yet dangerous. He is charming, yet mysterious. He wears a white guayabera, a shirt the author describes as “more suitable for Sunday Mass than a regular workday.” (Untrue—this is a casual garment, more suitable for a love affair in a Fabio-bedecked romance novel.)

This quintessential “Latin lover” shows up at Lydia’s bookstore and speaks to her in a tone significantly different from the other characters of American Dirt. I  must emphasise, Javier’s dialogue does not reflect the normal speech patterns of Mexico, but perfectly reflects U.S. stereotypes. The only way to properly read Javier’s lines is through the most gross of caricatures.

One should imagine the husky voice of Antonio Banderas, speaking at his most sensual and Spanishy. Any character he has played in English will do, although it is clear that Javier was ideally written for the voice of Puss in Boots. When Lydia asks if Javier reads English, the dapper narco responds:

“I try, yes […] My English isn’t fluent, but it’s close. And this story is so delicate.”

[...]

The cultural inaccuracies of American Dirt run deep, right down to the language. Throughout her book, Cummins shows confusion regarding the grammatical genders in Spanish. Most notably, she baptises the drug kingpin Javier with the nickname La Lechuza. It is difficult to imagine a macho, womanizing capo using a feminine-gendered noun as his moniker. Would a hardened mafia boss call himself “The Princess of Compton” or “The Belle of Belfast”?

Cummins got a seven figure advance for this. A SEVEN FIGURE ADVANCE. She “wished someone slightly browner than me would write it,” but she did it,  and her team is throwing around the fact that her husband’s previously undocumented status as some sort of justification without mentioning that he’s white & Irish. 

Also, there’s this news:

Imperative Entertainment, the production banner behind the Clint Eastwood hit The Mule, has acquired the rights to American Dirt, the Mexican migrant drama novel by Jeanine Cummins.

Charles Leavitt, the scribe who penned the Leonardo DiCaprio drama Blood Diamond, has been tapped to write the adaptation, which will be produced by Imperative’s Dan Friedkin and Bradley Thomas.

Charles Leavitt is a white guy who, most recently, wrote the Warcraft movie. So, that’s going to end well. 

I’ll leave you with this other gem from Gurba (from her essay about it, “Pendeja, You Ain’t Steinbeck “):

Susan Sontag wrote that “[a] sensibility (as distinct from an idea) is one of the hardest things to talk about” and with this challenge in mind, I assert that American Dirt fails to convey any Mexican sensibility. It aspires to be Día de los Muertos but it, instead, embodies Halloween. The proof rests in the novel’s painful humorlessness. Mexicans have over a hundred nicknames for death, most of them are playful because death is our favorite playmate, and Octavio Paz explained our unique relationship with la muerte when he wrote, “The Mexican…is familiar with death. [He] jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it. It is one of his favorite toys and his most steadfast love.” Cummins’ failure to approach death with appropriate curiosity, and humility, is what makes American Dirt a perfect read for your local self-righteous gringa book club.

so idk, The Mary Sue, maybe it should stay on your Book Club list after all. (Oh wait: as of this writing, it still is.) 

[greensconnor]

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.15 Thoughts *Spoilers*

-  “You sold our house to the Jones’?” Jughead says, even though he’s not able to buy a house. I know it’s to be funny (which I kinda like, actually. Riverdale always takes itself WAY too seriously) but like… seriously he can’t buy a fucking house. He can barely take care of his gang (excusing now since FP gave them jobs as deputies, but we haven’t seen any of it yet so) let along gather enough to buy a house, especially one as wealthy as the Cooper residence.

- THE LOOK FP GETS WHEN ALICE SAYS “I just wanna be done with it (her past)” A BITCH IS CRYING. He cares and loves her so much! And yes I know what happens later bc I don’t care for spoilers but dude… we all know Falice is meant to be together lol

- I’m glad Betty is saying no, but like didn’t she try to move in with him last season? mmhm okay lol

- Why would Betty have to ask if her staying with Veronica (HOPEFULLY SHE CAN FINALLY APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE SHIT SHE’S DONE TO VERONICA!) was okay with Jughead? That’s not his decision, he doesn’t get a say in it. Even if it wasn’t okay, he couldn’t do shit about it.

- Barchie is in a scene together, I love them. Anyways.

- CHONI! Cheryl is so cute and happy about the trip, and then Toni just talks about her and the poisons as if Cheryl wasn’t going to be invited? Isn’t Cheryl still a part of the gang, just not acting as it’s leader anymore? I don’t—

- Cheryl immediately puts up a front and thinks that because she wants to go with the poisons, she doesn’t want to hang out with her, and that makes me so sad because that’s what she’s used to. Toni is used to having a group with her, and Cheryl is new to a relationship and therefore the smallest little thing can make her think something totally wrong. I’m so SAD

- Toni didn’t even say thank you… this is not the Toni we know?? She would have stayed to hash things out with Cheryl—at least for another minute or so.

- Hiram and Archie talking? No thank you

-  Also why does NOBODY record their conversations with Hiram? He literally implicates himself with every fucking sentence.

- MY BOY REGGIE! Aww Cheryl made fresh cherry scones I’m—but his face is like “oh fuck…” and I’m… not okay because I know why. I don’t see why he would be like that though if they’re just singing (slightly intimately and the song choice is um awkward but STILL)

- First of all… Toni had to go to work… which is… singing with Veronica? Don’t get me wrong I like Lopaz and the fact that they’re getting scenes together but like… while Cheryl is probably in the kitchen making the scones and feeling bad and worrying about shit she finds Toni singing with her friend really really close to a song that’s about cheating (I think) woo if I were Cheryl I’d go nuts.

- “Do you love her, FP?” catch my CRYING. THEY DESERVE TO BE WITH EACH OTHER. COME ON. Also, “she’s the mother of my children” yeah but you also had a child with Alice too so like… find another bullshit excuse. You can have children and be with someone other than the mom.

- Also why the fuck is Alice, like, herself when she’s near FP, but completely brainwashed around Betty? Like, make it make sense. They probably don’t because FP would save her and then end up completely getting with her to make sure nobody takes advantage of the love of his life ever again. “Doesn’t matter now, it’s over.” THE WAY HIS VOICE CRACKS, HE’S SO FUCKING IN LOVE WITH HER BUT BECAUSE GLADYS IS BACK HE WANTS TO REDEEM HIMSELF AS A GOOD FATHER SO HE’S KINDA USING THAT TO MAKE HIMSELF FEEL BETTER I’M SO BITTER

-  HOLD UP YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT REGGIE WASN’T GETTING PAID?! HE DID ALL OF THAT BECAUSE HE LOVES VERONICA? OH MY FUCKING GOD I’M—also wow thanks for the ooc Veronica. She’s the most caring and selfless person on this show, she would find a way, but cool thanks for dragging down a ship you COULD have made great but instead rushed and made it all fucked up… thanks…

- BUT I AM HERE FOR REGGIE STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF! “Veronica, I know what I’m worth, and you should know it, too.” Wow um this is weird this is the first time I’ve ever chosen somebody else’s side when it came to Veronica (that I can remember lmao) I’m—

- “No one walks on water… except me.” what the flying fuck does that mean?

- Wow, so Jughead DOES know how to just sit down and talk… then why the fuck does he go and fuck Betty every time her mental illness shows its head??? Like all he has to do is communicate with her and try to help but instead he just kisses her problems away as if that’ll fix it.

- It’s so sad to know that Jughead and FP are so happy to be getting another chance at a normal family, but it’s all a fucking sham because of Gladys and Jellybean. Like, maybe he might be less annoying if he had a good stable home and stable parents (which sadly I would be willing to give up Falice if they made Jughead —and Betty— much much much much much more tolerable) and just… the life they WANTED.

- First of all let me just scream about Jeronica interacting… and now… VERONICA FEELS SO BAD FOR HIDING THE FACT THAT IT’S HIS MOM I’M—

- So you tell Betty, the girl who always holds shit against you (and probably will later on when it’s convenient) … but not your future husband? Okay.

- if Betty is just going to tell Jughead what was the point of this? Just have Veronica do it, because then Jughead would be appreciative and see her in a new light or whatever and I just—you had one job.

- Does Betty never remember their childhood memories because of her mental illness or because she wasn’t actually there because like—

- YA’LL BETTY CARES ABOUT ARCHIE SO MUCH LIKE?? After creating this surprisingly good idea from Jughead, she like spaces out because she’s so worried about Archie. Mmhm tell me they’re not slowly on their way back to Barchie.

- I find it reallllllly funny how Jughead never lets Betty help him… mmhm…

- Ew, Archie and Hiram talking as if Hiram never fucking tried to KILL Archie… I hate this. Just end the fucking Hiram plot and GO

- No idea what the fuck just happened but if Gladys touches Reggie like that again—

-  DON’T YELL AT REGGIE HE GETS ENOUGH OF THAT FROM HIS DAD! Besides, he’s right, he has done SO much for you and he has lost probably one of the only things he had that made him feel sane and himself, his car… it’s so weird not being on Ronnie’s side for once… feel like I’m betraying my baby lol

-  Cheryl in that dress, WHOO BOY IS SHE SO GORGEOUS

- Poor Archie he can never catch a break…

- DID THAT BITCH JUST BITE ARCHIE? FUCKING CHEATER

- YEAH BITCH THE CHONI SCENE. It’s so fucking hot, like… in my story one of my characters with Sweet Pea is kinda like that too and I wrote a 5000 word dirty chapter but then I was like “mmhm I don’t think I should” and re-did it… but now I want it back ugh. But like was Toni carrying the blindfold with her all night?

- Like I know they just saved Archie but like Betty truly smiles the widest when she’s with Archie. Anyways…

- I’m surprised Cheryl could walk after that

- My poor babies… Toni is right though it happened a bit too fast (technically not though since they never show us shit with Choni) but Cheryl putting up her guard again,,, I’m SAD

- Hiram? Giving Archie the building? Doing something nice… for Archie? Mmhmmm something’s wrong

- “I wanna matter, Ronnie.” well bitch here come the tears again… “would we even be dating, if not for the speakeasy?” BITCHHHHH I’M SO SAD

-  sHE BOUGHT HIM HIS CAR BACK :(((( UGH MY BABIES DESERVE SO MUCH THIS SUCKS!!!

- Gladys low-key had a point but uhhh then she threatened Jughead not to tell FP so uhhhh nvm

- lol “how could we forget?” yeah I can’t forget when you disregarded Jughead’s feelings and selfishly threw him a birthday party too and you almost (sadly, almost) broke up because of it. ALSO why is it just the Jones’ who have birthdays???

- FRED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- LMAO CHERYL LITERALLY DEMANDING THAT IT’S HEATHERS! That’s amazing.

-   If this birthday bash is for FP where are my serpent boys? my babies :((

-  lmao what the fuck was that quick ass Fladys kiss?

- Jughead made some sweet points… I’ll admit…

- Every time Betty makes that face it makes me immediately hate whatever it is she’s about to do because that’s usually when she tries WAY too hard to seem badass when she’s anything but. Honestly I just want these boring ass drug related plots to GO AWAY. They’re so boring and overdone and I just… End Hiram and Gladys and let Veronica finally be free of that stupid crime boss life that she wanted AWAY from.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #225

“i tried to write your name in the rain, but the rain never came.”

How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Considering my dumb phone doesn't let me know I have texts half the time, I do multiple times throughout the day. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? HA HA YOOOOOOOOOOOO SARA AND I DID AND NOW I DEADASS WANNA MARRY HER TOMORROW How many times a day do you wash your hands? It varies. After I use the bathroom or if I'm about to touch food. You walk in on your parents smoking pot, what do you do? lol h u h How old were you when you had your first crush? Hell if I know. I do remember as a young kid though, I was very much "ew boys no thnx." Maybe like... 5th grade? When was the last time you asked God for something? A long, long time ago. Your opinion on smoking: Just don't, dude. It's money going towards gradual suicide. No one likes the smell. You sure won't like how it affects your body. It's an addiction/it's stressful to stop. I'm not gonna like, judge you if you smoke, but nevertheless, I'll tell anyone it's an awful idea. Make love or fuck? It depends on the mood. I was more into the former mood back when that even applied to me, though. Have you ever cried so much over something that later felt like nothing? Oh, I can assure you I have. The last time you were afraid of the dark was: I'm not really scared of the dark, but one time I got up semi-recently in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and after one incident, I was so, so careful and nervous to step on Bentley's tail. He lost his fucking mind on me when I did it once, of course on accident. The TV was off by this point, so I couldn't see well at all. I love having a dog that fucking scares me. How often do you say I love you to your parents and mean it? A whole lot. Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? I mean sure, it sucks, but if they're legitimately busy, they're busy. Have you ever wanted a wild animal for a pet? If yes what animal? I had a phase where I really wanted a fox, and now I am DEAD serious about fostering opossums at some point. When you go to sleep, do you have to have white noise or silence? SILENCE. Though I don't really get /total/ silence 'cuz I have to have my fan on. My room's always hot. Have you ever gotten in a fight with a teacher? No. Ever had a creepy dream about a teacher? No. Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? I believe I was at my then-best friend's house. I had suuuuch bad separation anxiety from my mom that I know I was older than most kids who did. What are you limits for doing stuff for money? I'd never do sexual favors or seriously hurt someone for it. Is there someone you are mean to all the time for no reason? No. I'll admit I'm typically rather short with Bentley, but Jesus, do I have reason. When you think of love what’s the first that comes to mind? Sara. How do you calm your mind and find peace when you are stressed? My best bet is going to sleep; that's pretty much, usually, my reset button. Have you ever given someone flowers? I gave Jason flowers once or twice. I gave my mom some for Mother's Day as a kid. How often do you get on Facebook? A couple times a day... mainly just to see memes lmaoooo. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? Good Lord, Tuesdays. I'm at school for 13 hours. Mostly sitting in the library waiting for classes, but. I do study a whole lot, though, and it's when I get a bunch of schoolwork done. Is there a place that you will never return back to? Idk. When was the last time that you created a PowerPoint? I'm actually working on/off one for FYS 'cuz we have to do this "Lifeline" thing where we introduce ourselves and give our stories. Guess who's not fucking ready. Do you like group work? NO. NO. Particularly if it's with people I don't know. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Is music or the TV on while you complete this survey? I'm listening to Chase Holfelder's cover of "Kiss The Girl" rn. Does your grass need cut currently? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? Occasionally. What color are the doors in your house? White. Have your friends ever not wanted you to be with someone? Probably. What is your favorite use for whipped cream? I hate that stuff. What is your favorite flower? Orchids. And your favorite nut? Ew no thanks. Can you curse in a foreign language? Of course I know "fuck" and "shit" in German lmao. Are you fond of spaghetti? Hell yeah man. Have you ever played in the mud? I sure did zoom through it on my bike as a kid. Do you remember what your first real relationship felt like? That relationship ultimately led to PTSD, how could I possibly forget. Who can make you happy no matter what? Sara, Mark, and Game Grumps are particularly good at that. How tall are you? 5'4.5'' Are there any animals near you? No, I'm at school rn. Do have a lot of lists? No. Are you a godparent? No. Do you sleep too much or not enough? Eh, it depends on the day and my mood. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? Never been on one before. Do you think having a bad temper is a sign of immaturity? I mean, no? It's an interesting question and I guess a "maybe," but. I feel this depends on the trigger. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? I was a fucking yoga master babe in 9th grade, fuckin fite me. When growing up, did your parents keep the house very tidy? I guess? It wasn't dirty. How many watches do you own? Zero. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? Political views, I guess? Or the fact I'm bi? I only know of one person in my extended family that's gay. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? No shit? Emergencies are a thing? BUT, respect the teacher, please. I cannot stand people using their phone in class, especially here in college. You're paying a shitload to learn. Spend that time as you're supposed to. Take education seriously. If your phone's on vibrate for said emergency situations, that's cool. Do you have any gay relatives? Lol oh. Yeah, Mom has a cousin. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Yeah. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? I deleted my sister's mother-in-law in fury over her homophobia because I've seriously had it, then just a few days ago actually I went through my Facebook list deleting people I just didn't really feel connected to/didn't really care to follow their journey anymore. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? Zero. Do you know what your vocal range is? It's not broad. I'd say I'm probably in a rank slightly lower than most women. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I've never really been in the position to be capable of that. I've never had a source of income. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Probably heavy. Or symphonic, though I haven't found too many artists in that sub-genre that I really enjoy. But BOY, when I do? I will BINGE that shit to the ends of the earth. Have you ever turned down someone who didn’t handle the rejection well? Ha ha oh man, I remember in 4th grade, this kid Nick was desperate to date me. It was endearing and cute, but he asked kinda obsessively. Then jfc, when I broke up with Tyler, you would've thought I was Jason and he was me, holy shit. How large is your largest scar, and what is it from? Well, I can't see it, so I actually don't know. I guess kinda long, but not wide. It's from a cyst removal surgery. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Omg, my Writing teacher. She really liked my writing on my essay. I was so flattered. When was the last time you went for a walk? Like, just a casual walk for the sake of walking? Not since I was at Sara's last. That was when my muscle atrophy was starting to get extremely bad though and I was very close to death omg. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? I don't think so. When cooking a meal, do you clean up as you go or wait til you’re done? I don't know how to cook. Do you develop crushes easily? NO. I am soooooo romantically picky. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? A month or more with Colleen after we were evicted. That was a really good time, honestly, regardless of how we feel about each other now. I don't think anyone's done something so selfless for me, and we really did have fun. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? I'd say it was normal for someone that age. Do you like salsa that has fruit in it? NO. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? Hell yeah. That was my favorite thing about the church I grew up with; Catholic churches tend to truly have incredible stained glass. Are you scared of snakes? Nope, snakes are Baby. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No; I only have two, and I just slightly have enough room for them. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? I strongly prefer soft. Have you ever been carded when buying something? Yes. Do you eat meat? Regretfully. Can you sleep with the light on? NOOOOOOOOOO. I have to truly be exhausted. Have you ever broken a bone? No, but I did fracture my wrist as a kid. Have you ever made ice cream in chemistry class? Bitch I wish, tf. Do you use the microwave often? Considering a bitch can't cook, yes. Microwavable meals are the reason I am alive. Have you ever painted a room? No. What’s in your copy and paste? This survey. Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward? Fuckin ME JFC. How do you usually pose in your pictures? With the left side of my face facing the camera (bc my hair kinda swoops over the right side), and I'll usually smile with my teeth or do a :D face bc at least I look happy instead of high with my squinty-ass eyes. :') Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them? um????????? me?????????????? Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway? If someone doesn't want me to take a picture of them, I absolutely don't push them 'cuz I totally get it. How’s your posture? Bad. Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed? Thank God in Heaven no. I. Would. Have. Raged. ^ were you a good mother/father? N/A What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up? My hair is too short for that. But I generally find french braid buns SO pretty. Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book? Uh, I don't think so. What does your screen name mean? Favorite animal, meerkats, + favorite artist, Ozzy Osbourne. Have you ever had to take a sobriety test? N- no wait. They were mandatory when I've gone to the ER for suicidal thoughts. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events? It doesn't really matter to me. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone? Idk, dropped it? What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both? Uh, I don't think it's exactly debatable to call it selfish... I mean, you're dating for the sake of monetary gain...? What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you? I couldn't even try to picture her doing that, but obviously I'd be uncomfortable and jealous. What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do? Idk, multiple things. Which ex of yours do you talk to the most? I only talk to Girt. Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with? I drank with family, probably, but I've never reached the point of being drunk, and I've never been high. ^ are you still friends? I mean, I love my family. Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission? No. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped? *shrugs* Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing? I don't know what it would be. Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do? Probably none? I don't have many friends to compare to. Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal? UM Suzy Hanson is a B A B E? ?? ? ? ??? I adooooorrrrre her clothing line (Psychic Circle), too, and so wanna buy something. Have you ever been lost in the woods? DARLIN I've watched The Blair Witch Project 2 much for that shit. What did you last stretch the truth about? Idk. Have you ever had withdrawals from something? Caffeine, and then WoW for quite a few months after I stopped playing for like, a year or more. Is there anyone on your friend’s list you know next to nothing about? I know at least one of Mom's friends that I've only met once, and briefly. How old is 'too old’ for you to date? I wouldn't date over 30 (I absolutely stg that has nothing to do with H I S age being 30 lmaoooo). How do you feel about guys in tight jeans? Skinny jeans look good on like, anyone. Favorite hour-long show? Uhhh idk. Well, at least out of the shows I used to like and would be most interested in watching, The Good Doctor. Favorite half-hour show? Meerkat Manor. Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once? My current house? Just one, I think. Steak or chicken? Chicken. I'm piiiiickyyyy w/ steak. Is flirting really cheating? Yes, if you're clearly not just teasing. What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value? My pebble from my partial hospitalization program. What’s your choice of chips? Girrrrrllll gimme Cool Ranch Doritos. What song would you use to torture someone? i t ' s  f r i d a y  f r i d a y What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received? Probably that my nose was cute? If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say? First off, NOT say "you're not fat omg ur beautiful." I'M overweight and don't like when people say that. I'm perfectly aware that you're lying "for my own sake," which is sweet, but it's not helpful. Motivate me/the person to improve without being an asshole. Let them know I believe in them, which I do for ANYONE. If I could lose 60-70 pounds in a year, anyone can. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say? So when I was very little and my mom gave me orange juice, I freaked out because it had pulp in it. And what did I say? "I CAN'T DRINK THAT IT HAS NIPPLES IN IT" look idk don't ask but boy does Mom love sharing that story. A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hot’. You say: Most likely "go away." Possibly "thank you, but please go away." Actually yeah, that's more likely. Like it's flattering to know someone finds you attractive, but yeah, that's just uncomfortable for some stranger to do that. I also wouldn't want to really piss the person off. Do you send messages on Facebook a lot? Definitely not. Almost the only person ever would be Girt. Have you ever gone to a strip club? No. Not my kinda scene. Like I absolutely will not think less of someone who does this, but I just don't like but moreso feel bad for men or women who reduce themselves to their sexual capabilities. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Hell nah man. Pizza is supreme. What color is your watch? I'm not wearing one. I never do. Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely not. Visual attraction, of course that's real, but I promise you dear, you don't love someone upon looking at them. When you eat Frosted Flakes, do you add sugar in it? I hate that stuff. Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Ashley's father-in-law's mom. ... At least I think that's what she is? Do you want to change your name? Nah, it's fine. Have you ever tried to erase someone from your memory? Of course I have.

[sungilyj-blog]

what goes on my dudes, my names ali and i’m presenting this absolute mess of a human for all of you here today. my blog isn’t quite set up with info pages yet ( we love a speedy acceptance ) bc i passed out almost immediately after sending in my app, but!!! here’s a bit more info about my son if anyone is interested uwu

if you’d like to plot or something, hit that like button and i’ll come find you!

park sungil, cismale, 20 years old ( a baby ), ePiC gAmEr

born and raised in busan as an only child 

his father is a surgeon and his mother a literature teacher, so they’re both doing pretty ok for themselves. in terms of wealth, sungil grew up very comfortably.

with his parents putting their careers first however, sungil didn’t get to spend all that much time with them, and the times he did he was often compared to the children of relatives or neighbours and criticised for his grades in school which kind of sucked

desperate for their praise and attention, as a kid sungil always said he was going to be a doctor when he grows up even though he didn’t really like the idea of it

his parents were happy with that at least, but instead of loving him more, they just made him study extra hard which really really sucked 

socializing with his peers was pretty much banned. nobody wanted to be his friend anyway because his parents were so scary, so his only friends were the characters in the games he’d play while shut in his room when he wasn’t reading from textbooks 

his mood would plummet a lot tbh and even as a kid he was pretty unhappy but never showed it out of fear of looking ‘ungrateful’ for what he had

as a teenager he learned that he’d get a bit more freedom by lying, which he became incredibly good at especially since his parents seemed to trust him

they’d give him money for lunch and he’d tell them he was staying behind at school or at libraries to study more in a ‘better environment’ but really he was spending all his time at computer cafes to -- you guessed it -- play more video games

it was really his only escape from home so he spent most of his time there, and got really really good at the games he’d choose to play ( mostly first person shooters or fighting games )

it got to the point where he’d even skip school sometimes in order to play all day, sometimes entering competitions and earning some cash of his own 

wasn’t too long until he got caught for it though, with one of his teachers contacting his parents about ‘suspicious absences’ a few days in a row

naturally, they were F U R I O U S 

they trashed all his games and put him on lockdown basically, escorting him to and from school to make sure he actually went 

sungil was pretty much miserable constantly and felt like a prisoner 

his solution to this was to pretty much just run away?? with what little money he had, and even stealing some from his parents on the way out, at eighteen years old sungil decided to just skip town entirely 

this was how he ends up in yongsa, with his plan being to stay with a friend he’d only ever spoken to in-game before

it wasn’t so bad for a while, but he still struggled greatly with depression and self worth issues

not knowing much else, he continued to play games and was eventually scouted for his talents by a small regional team 

so now he kind of plays overwatch for a living, earning money from competitions and streaming, cool

at ninteen he moved out of his friends house and into the sharehouse. he’s been here for a year now

he’s kind of a mystery to some people, being reluctant to explain his history and instead putting on a cheery front 24/7 because if he didn’t make himself laugh and smile all the time he’d probably throw himself out the nearest window or sumn 

 WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS

1 || kind of a long shot, but i think it would be neat to interact with someone he used to game with a lot a couple of years back? alternatively, someone he games a lot with currently. as competitive as he is, he likes most games equally, and doesn’t mild chilling with some low effort ones just for fun from time to time 

2 || someone who recognizes him for what he does. either as a pro gamer, or a streamer. he never tends to go into too much detail about his ‘work’, but word has been spreading of an up and coming player by the name of MADFOX and sungil seems to fit the profile 

3 || someone who looked after him a little when he first moved into the sharehouse. boy was ninteen years old and seemed terrified of actually interacting with anyone at first, which was frankly, kind of pitiful. his first friend in the house. someone who showed him the ropes and helped him come out of his shell a little more. 

4 || a ride or die best friend. someone who knows the things he never tells anyone; about his family, about his running away, about how much he truly hates himself deep down. someone that brings him comfort just by being there. warning: he can be very clingy when allowed to be, so personal space is not an option for close friends with him whoops. 

5 || a crush. puppy love. despite being twenty years old, he’s never actually dated before, or had a relationship of any kind. he’s clueless when it comes to romance, and is lowkey kind of whipped. he’s not sure how to explain his feelings, but when they walk in the room he’s tongue tied and 3 seconds away from a heart palpitation. can be one-sided. any gender is ok.

6 || other online personalities maybe?? youtubers, streamers, ect. he’d love to get to know them, and maybe include them in one of his own more casual streams?? 

7 || literally anything else tbh lmao if you made it this far i congratulate u