#which she still isnt doing Well but at least shes stopped trying to tear holes in spacetime so its something I supposed

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt the goobers again (oni pmd au)

[starlightkenobi]

Tear You Apart // Anakin x Reader

rating: explicit

warnings: dom anakin, light choking, light hair pulling, mostly just pining tbh

a/n: inspired by the song “tear you apart” by she wants revenge, i love this song and its always given me possessive ani vibes,,, LIKE U WANNA LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT THIS ISNT END OF ROTS ANAKIN BEFORE HE GETS BURNT ? YOU GONNA TRY ? YOU CANT !

also: this is the longest thing i have written for this account and i am pretty darn proud of it which is rare for me, so i hope yall enjoy !!! 💕

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Got a big plan, this mindset maybe its right

At the right place and right time, maybe tonight

And the whisper or handshake sending a sign

Wanna make out and kiss hard, wait never mind

Anakin’s mind ebbed and flowed with the tide of people wandering the room. He always hated these formal Jedi gatherings, usually coming up with some convoluted scheme to get out of attending. Not tonight though, Obi Wan was completely fed up with Anakin’s usual antics. His stern voice still haunted his ears, and remembering it filled him with remnants of dread.

He was so sick of all of it. The annoyingly forced casual conversations, the same people, same faces, even the same damn Jedi robes, save the few senators mingled into the room. All of the people faded into one dull energy, like a black hole draining Anakin’s energy and enthusiasm. He was sure that if he had to choose between this and death, he would pick death without hesitation.

That was, until he layed his eyes on you.

You walked with such presence, such grace, that it was impossible for someone to not notice you. Your robes hugged your figure and flattered you in a way that Anakin didn’t even know was possible. Your hair hung around your head, flowing around you and illuminating your features like a halo. Which was quite possible, Anakin thought, considering you might be an actual angel in the flesh.

Your flesh. Anakin pictured how soft it would be under his touch, the goosebumps that would arise after the cold touch of his metal hand. To touch real skin, to have that real contact...Anakin was touch starved to be sure. But now, he was ravenous, and you were the only meal he’d seen in years.

A voice in his mind screamed at him, a voice that was very stern and similar to Obi Wan’s disappointed father-like tone, if he thought about it. But he didn’t want to think about it, he wanted to ignore the raging thoughts that screamed, Listen to yourself, Anakin. Your being gross and creepy. Calm down.

Luckily, he didn’t need to ignore them. The second you turned around and yours eyes met, he was gone. Those thoughts were drowned out by even louder ones that told him to scoop you up right there, claim you as his, test the feeling of his lips on yours.

Your lips looked so soft, and even from this distance he could almost feel them pressing against his skin, see them falling open in a drawn out moan. And your eyes, sparkling like the stars in the clear skies of Naboo on a dark night. Deep and endless like the expanse of space that he so often saw while piloting his starfighter. Even still, they were flowing with a lifetime of emotion and soul that couldn’t be seen in all of the other Jedi in this room combined.

Emotion, pure and raw emotion. He always felt so wrong and alone, being emotional. Considering he had been told all of his life that emotions were not the Jedi way. But you, standing in front of him right now, were made of pure emotion and experience and feeling, something that could not be put into words, but only expressed.

Anakin’s heart stopped as he realized that you were actually standing right in front of him. In his trance, you noticed him staring and decided to approach him.

“Hi, I don’t believe we’ve met.” No flattery, no pointless and boring casual conversation. You cut right to the chase, and it intrigued him even more.

“We definitely haven’t, there’s no way I would forget meeting you.” A smirk tugged at the corner of his lip, and your cheeks flushed. A lovely, tinted pink. “I’m Anakin. Skywalker.” He added his last name, hoping that you might recognize it.

“General Skywalker...I’ve heard tales of your escapades, and especially of your unusual war tactics.” Your blush begun to fade, but a light pink still remained. It was absolutely adorable, Anakin decided, and he wondered how flushed your face would get with his mouth trailing down your neck.

“Do my unusual tactics bother you?” Anakin asked, and he visibly appeared less tense then he did moments ago. You were so easy to talk to, and your force energy felt so soothing around him. He wanted to be enveloped in it. Maybe it was some circumstance of fate that he was forced to attend this gathering tonight. Maybe it was this same fate that brought him to you.

“Not at all. As a matter of fact, I’m intrigued.” You gave him your name, and reached your hand towards his, expecting him to shake it. However, the soft skin of your hand was too much of a temptation. As soon as he felt your touch, he pressed his lips gently to the back of your hand. Normaly, you would have been annoyed with the flirtatious advances of someone so early into meeting them. But this felt different, it felt new and strange and somehow, comforting.

Needless to say, you were completely drawn in and wanted more.

Late night, and passing, mention it flipped her

Best friend, who knows saying maybe it slipped

But the slip turns to terror and a crush to light

When she walked in, he froze up, believe its the fright

A deep breath of fresh air filled Anakin’s lungs as he stepped out onto the balcony. The crowds of people had been practically suffocating him, and to finally have some peace and quiet alone with the stars felt magical. Maybe this is what the Jedi mean when they say, “There is no emotion, there is peace.” Out here, with nothing but the endless black sky and the stars, Anakin did feel at peace. However, that didn’t stop the torrent of emotions swirling in his gut. So he figured that old, tired saying was bullshit anyways.

“Fancy seeing you out here.” He recognized it immediately. Your voice, like a serene melody, filled his ears. Immediately, he spun around, desperate to see your face again. This time, however, he felt nervous when he saw you. Afraid, even. So many thoughts were flooding his head all at once that it almost became to much.

“I...wasn’t expecting anyone to join me.” Ankain fumbled over his words, staggering to uphold his good impression on you.

“I can leave, if you’d prefer to be alone. I completely understand. These gatherings can get a bit...claustrophobic.” Your voice was softer now, and Anakin could tell that you were trying to mask the hurt in your tone. You would have turned around and walked away without a word, had he asked, but Anakin wouldn’t allow that. As soon as you turned to leave, he reached out toward your hand and took it in his own.

“No!” Anakin almost shouted, and even though he was afraid, he was ready to embrace any new and strange emotions if it meant getting to spend another moment with you. He steadied himself, preparing another sentence. “Your company is more than welcome.”

A smile tugged at your lips, reveling in his hand warming your now cool skin from the breeze. His hands were so much larger than yours, you noticed. Somehow, it made you feel safer, more comfortable. Anakin noticed and gripped your hand tighter.

Standing here, so close to you and in this lighting, he was finally able to see all of the fine detail in your eyes. The little speckles of color forming their own constellations in your galaxy. He could have sworn they were faintly glowing, each star producing its own aura of light.

You turned towards the sky, gazing up at it with all of the longing in the galaxy. Of course Anakin noticed it, he felt the same way about space. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Unconsciously, you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear that had blown out of place from the wind. “Each little star feels like it has a life of its own, it’s own personality and feelings and emotions. I guess that’s why space has always called to me, the stars don’t judge.”

Anakin, still holding your hand, turned to the sky with you. “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.”

Its cute in a way, till you cannot speak

And you leave to have a cigarette, your knees get weak

An escape is just a nod and a casual wave

Obsessed about it, heavy for the next two days

After that first night together, meeting at the Jedi gathering and talking for hours out on the balcony, the only thing Anakin had in his mind was you. Sure, maybe he was a little obsessed, but you gave him this feeling, something that he had never really felt before. He had felt love before, for his mother and even for Obi Wan, so he knew what that felt like. Maybe, he felt that for you too.

But he felt something else as well, something new and strange. Lust, perhaps, but Anakin wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. Right now, Anakin was perfectly content with the secret meetings around the temple, the constant excuses just to get out of some task and see each other, the longing gazes, the phantom touches.

For a while, it was heaven. It was new and exciting and absolutely perfect. But this went on for days, weeks, and now almost two months. He craved feeling your touch in a way that the council would disapprove of. He wanted to break all of the rules, destroy all of the boundaries set by the Jedi, and he wanted to do it for you.

But he was patient, when he needed to be. If he had learned anything from Obi Wan, it was at least that. So he would wait until you made the first “not strictly platonic Jedi pals” move. He would never do anything to make you uncomfortable, or do something that you weren’t ready for. Maybe you hadn’t even considered breaking the rules, maybe you felt nothing for him. Deep down, Anakin knew this wasn’t true, he sensed your mutual feelings for him all the way back on the day you first met, and every day since.

Still, for you, Anakin would wait a lifetime.

It's only just a crush, it'll go away

It's just like all the others it'll go away

Or maybe this is danger and he just don't know

You pray it all away but it continues to grow

Anakin was struggling. Obi Wan sensed it, you sensed it, practically the whole council sensed it. But no one knew why. No one except him.

Anakin tried meditation, he tried training, he tried joy rides in his starfighter, he even tried sneaking off to a cantina. No matter what he did, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. It became a festering sore in the back of his mind, growing and growing with each passing day. It was getting out of hand, and he understood this. And it was frustrating as hell.

But it also felt so damn good to picture your body splayed out underneath him. He wanted to make you feel good. He needed to make you feel good. He owed that to you at least, for giving him this never ending sense of joy and content when he was around you. He did love you, and could say that with certainty now. And when it comes to love, you would do anything for the other person. That’s what Anakin believed, at least. He just needed to wait a little longer, wait until you confessed your feelings and pressed your lips to his. His waited a lifetime to find someone like you, he can wait a little longer.

But even the most patient person needs to relieve the tension a little bit sometimes.

I want to hold you close

Skin pressed against me tight

Lie still, and close your eyes girl

So lovely, it feels so right

Anakin’s hands dragged up your body, gripping your skin tight enough to leave bruises. You felt so perfect around him, moaning and whimpering and begging for more.

At least, that’s what he hoped you would be doing in this situation. His hands weren’t even really on your body at all. One was fisted in the sheets while the other stroked up and down on his stiff cock. He had been at this for a little bit by now, and was already so close to the edge. He just needed your voice, your perfect voice, telling him how good he felt inside of you to send him over.

“A-Ani...you feel...s-so good, you make me feel so good!”

He could almost hear you, if he tried hard enough.

I want to hold you close

Soft breasts, beating heart

As I whisper in your ear

Streaks of hot cum painted his chest and hand, some even reaching up to touch his chin. His chest heaved, the last images of your body flooding his head. Your breasts painted with his cum was an image he wanted to keep with him, one that he hoped to recreate some day.

It was criminal, the things you did to him. He could only hope that you were feeling like this now too. Still panting and in his post orgasm haze, he closed his eyes and whispered aloud. He called out to you through the force, hoping that somehow you would hear him whisper,

“I want to fucking tear you apart.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Then he walked up and told her, thinking that he'd passed

And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance

Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there

Told him how she felt and then they locked in a stare

Both your’s and Anakin’s laughter filled the room. You were both hiding out in your quarters due to currently ditching a Jedi council meeting. Easily and casually, the laughter and conversation filled the room, and you both felt like a bunch of younglings who had skipped a training class.

As the laughter died down, you turned to face him. His laughter was one of the many things you loved about him. It was full and genuine and raw in a way that touched you emotionally. A way that you no longer wished to ignore.

“How long are we going to keep ignoring this?”

Anakin’s traded his smile for the look of a confused puppy. “What?”

You composed yourself, wanting to choose your words carefully. “I mean...the fact that we both have feelings for each other.”

Oh, Anakin thought.

Oh.

He was relieved that you were finally deciding to open up this can of worms, but he was still nervous and frankly, terrified of the possible outcome of this conversation. He looked away from you, unable to bring himself to make eye contact.

Taking it upon yourself to initiate some sort of contact, you tentatively reached for his hand. It brushed up against his, so you gently placed it on top of his and left it there.

“I’m tired of worrying about what the council thinks, aren’t you?” You questioned, still waiting for Anakin to look at you.

Slowly, his eyes met yours. He saw the lack of fear, lack of inhibition. You really wanted this, you wanted him. Your hand tightened its grip on his, your thumb slowly running along his skin.

“I love you, Anakin.” Your voice cane out hushed, as if you were afraid someone else would hear, even though you were alone.

They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do

'Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school

But their lips met, and reservations started to pass

Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last

“Are you sure that you want this? Are you ready to deal with the potential repercussions from the council? I just don’t want to hurt you, and I certainly don’t want to start anything that you aren’t ready for.”

You chuckled at his restraint. Still, you appreciated how much he cared for you. Clearly it was a lot, considering that you felt his desperation you through the force to just take you, but he was holding back anyways. For you.

“Believe me, Anakin. I’m ready. You don’t have to hold back.” You were looking at him with such lust, such need, that Anakin knew this was an invitation, and he accepted it with open arms.

Either way he wanted her and this was bad

He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy

Now a little crush turned into a like

And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

He pinned you back onto the bed, gathering your wrists into one hand. Frantically, as if he was afraid you would disappear, he nipped and sucked at your neck, leaving marks that he knew the council would notice. Neither of you cared anyways.

It didn’t matter what the council thought, Anakin was ravenous. He wanted all of you, and now with your enthusiastic permission, he was going to take it.

His free hand tangled into your hair and pulled your head back, giving him easier access to your neck. You were squirming, whining, you needed to be touched. You had waited for this just as long as he had, so he would keep the teasing to a minimum.

He let go of your wrists and hair, shooting you a warning glare. “Keep them there.” His voice was deep, dominant, and it shot daggers through you. This sent a shiver down to your core.

I want to hold you close

Skin pressed against me tight

Lie still, and close your eyes girl

So lovely, it feels so right

You were both stripped down now, his eyes traveling up your naked body. You were more beautiful than he could have ever pictured. His lips crashed forcefully against yours, and he slowly grinded against you. He needed to feel your skin pressed tightly against him, hust kike he had pictured before. Except this time, you were real. He was really feeling your skin against his and it felt so perfect and right and better than any sort of peace and serenity the Jedi talked about.

“Close your eyes, baby.” Anakin said in a hushed tone as he pulled away from your lips. Immediately and with a whimper, you obeyed. Anakin chuckled at this, your eager obedience. “Good girl.” He growled. A soft moan fell from your lips as you squirmed, but still keeping your hands firmly placed above your head.

I want to hold you close

Soft breasts, beating heart

As I whisper in your ear

One hand finally made contact with your throbbing clit, while the other went to play with your breasts. Your heartbeat was so strong and quick that Anakin could feel it when he played with your breast.

“Your heart is beating so fast, like a little bunny.” He pinched your nipple, somehow knowing the exact pressure to use and how much to tug it to make you moan.

A finger slipped inside of you, giving you some sort of realese of the pressure building in your cunt. Suddenly, Anakin’s breath was fanning over the side of your face. It tickled your ear and made you squirm more than you already are.

Gently, he placed a loving kiss to your cheek, before moving his hand from your breast to your throat and lightly squeezing, while he whispered in your ear,

“I want to fucking tear you apart.”

[equiuszahhak]

PLOT INCOMING

Aradia and Kyrril come to see Loom. They’re upset. They don’t feel well. Eventually, they fall asleep after some nice time together. Here is the not good time:

Loom

Zzz they fall asleep and probably mumble the others can leave if and when they want.

Aradia

ee doesnt leave

Kyrril

As if he'd even think about it. After he's sure they're settled though, he will kind of... raise an eyebrow questioningly at Aradia. Girl do you know anything?

Aradia

she shakes her head and shrugs, nope!

Kyrril

A little frown. A lil more brow furrow. Troubling.

Aradia

she nods like yeah...

Loom

Sn,snore

Aradia

she tries not to giggle too loud and accidentally wake them up

little noises...

Loom

They've started changing to their true form when they sleep! Aradia got all 6 arms around her.

Aradia

oh fuck hella pinned

Loom

She ain't going nowhere

Aradia

kyrril help i am being engulfed

Loom

Kyrril under hair

Aradia

they are both entangled

lord help them

Kyrril

This is fine. More than fine. He gave a soft little chirp of amusement.

More hands to hold. Don't complain!

Loom

Chirp.....

Aradia

ee isnt complaining, she giggles at kyrril cute noise

Loom

Loom eventually moves to their back. Hold both babes.

Aradia

oh they are hold

ees face is on their chest

pillow

Loom

Their shirt sags at the middle, covering their stupid torso mouth

Pillow

Kyrril

Hey, it's a good mouth torso.

Aradia

omg their torso mouth is open. kyrril try not to get too horny

Kyrril

Kyrril will try to hold all three of the hands on his side. he will NOT get horny thank you. he can read the room

Aradia

that would be hilarious

ee pats their torso teeth

they are so big

Loom

The teeth wiggle slightly at the gum

Aradia

'0mg...'

'the teeth m0ve'

Kyrril

his eyes do that thing a cat's do when they're interested in smth. BIG pupils. But he will resist. Whisper time. "Now is not the time. To experiment. They need the rest."

Aradia

'if its anything like last time they are a heavy sleeper. im just waiting f0r the tentacles t0 sh0w up'

Loom

The mouth will open wider, slowly. Teeth bloom and flower to move out of the way. A hand reaches out. Long nails, exposed muscle. Blue and black tar dripping from it

Its only finger tips at first

Kyrril

uh

UH.

Aradia

'uh 0h'

'i jinxed it'

Loom

The eyes that bubble and float within their maw follow as if underwater, but fade out of existence the higher they go. Some pop. Their freckles stop glowing, one by one.

Aradia

'y0u never cease t0 amaze me l00mie' kiss on the cheek

Kyrril

He is........ Alarmed. Sitting up just slightly, peaking curiously under their shirt at the mouth.

Aradia

's0... are y0u g0ing t0 h0ld that hand? i th0ught i was being ungrateful'

Loom

Words come from within. another hand emerges, like trying to pull itself out. Arms lead into the maw

Kyrril

"Aradia." it's a.... warning tone. "I do not think. This is. Normal."

Loom

When Kyrril looks, deep down inside, it goes for miles. Lift up the shirt, kyrril. Pressure in the room shifts

Aradia

she pokes a floating eyeball seeing if itll pop

Loom

It pops.

Aradia

vu0!

Kyrril

Yeah, sorry Loom, he's nosy. Shirt gets shoved up, since Aradia actin a fool, he gonna take this somewhat seriously. Gonna. Touch one of the hands. Should he just. Shove it back in?

Aradia

'hey y0u were the 0ne g00fing ar0und last time getting all c0zy with mystery limbs last time, and i was w0rried, and i was sh0wed up since n0thing bad happened'

Kyrril

"Last time. Something was not trying to crawl out of our mate's chest."

Aradia

'h0w d0 y0u kn0w this isnt just m0re 0f them'

Loom

The hand recoils, and the slimy skinless mess grabs him for leverage. It pulls. It wants out. Shoulders dislocate, the maw is not large enough.

There is gurgling scream, a half formed face pressed up to the teeth that cage it in. Eyes striking blue, filled with hate. Hunger. Deparation.

Aradia

'0k n0w im w0rried' she crawls out of looms arms or at least tries to

Loom

Loom themself is limp

Aradia

she is peeking over the side of the bed from the floor

Loom

LET ME OUT. I COMMAND IT. LET ME OUT.

Kyrril

Ah, Ahhh, he does NOT like that, thank you!! If it's going to grab him, he's not gonna yank it back, just shove it further in. Back! Back ye foul beast!

Aradia

'wh0 are y0u' she calls from behind the safety of the edge of the bed

Kyrril

"Loom? Loom wake up."

Loom

Its claws dig into him.

Aradia

aradia flies up and on kyrrils side trying to dislodge the hand from him

Loom

I AM THE RIGHTFUL HEIR.

The screams are pained, dry yet wet. The voice is distinctly female.

Aradia

'rightful heir?'

Kyrril

Oh, now you wanna help. But he knows not to be petty right now. He'd really, really like to not lose his hand, thanks! And this hurts like a bitch. Noticeably, he's shaking. "You are not welcome here."

Loom

You are mine. You are MINE.

It growls, almost sobbing.

Highblood, please, dont let me die again.

I'll kneel. I will kneel this time.

Aradia

Aradia pulls the creatures fingers out of kyrrils arm while trying to make sense of all this

"Are y0u sure this is s0mething kyrril"

Kyrril

Okay! Okay this is getting weird. His pupils are pinpoints, the orange of his eyes red. "I don't know. What this is. Aradia." It's scary and skinless and screaming

Loom

Makara. Please.

It bubbles.

Aradia

"Hes n0t gamzee!" She calls defensively

Kyrril

He's tearing himself away fast enough to fall off the end of the bed

Man down

Aradia

She helps him up

Loom

Gamzee, gamzee, gamzee--

Crazed and reaching out.

Rustblood. Please, you're alive. You're back now, tell him I'm good. I did what he wanted. You're here. You're all here.

The hands are slipping back in. They hold loosely to the teeth that keep it back.

Please. Please.

Aradia

'Equius?' She crawls back into bed approaching carefully

"Hes n0t gamzee... but he thinks y0ure really g00d"

Loom

The tar has melted anyway. There is a clear face. Its loom, its not. Soft features, full breasts, blue eyelashes and a slit throat.

She reaches out slowly, slipping.

Aradia

Aradia wants to pat their head out of pity but is afraid of being grabbed. Her hand reaches out but she hesitates

Loom

Please.

She begs, lurid blue tears streaking comparably pale skin. It's a steep drop, into the abyss.

Slip.

Aradia

Oh god

Aradia

Aradia looks into the hole

And occasionally back to kyrril to make sure he isnt dead

Loom

Their body is like a cracked chrysalis. The echoing scream fades after a bit. Looms freckles ignite again

But they dont stir

Kyrril

He's not dead, just.... frozen. He doesn't know what to do with this. He's.... scared, almost.

"........What.... was that."

Aradia

"I think it was 0ld v0idl00m"

"Fr0m the m0ment bef0re they were killed. By gamzee. Wh0 they c0nfused y0u with. Which is unf0rtunate"

Loom

The mouth closes, teeth forming a tight lattice.

Aradia

"It cl0sed..."

"I feel s0 bad..."

Kyrril

He remembers hearing about Gamzee! Doesn't like that at all. Doesn't like any of this at all. Hearing that it closed, he dares a step closer.

"...Bad?" He's so lost. He's. So damn confused. "Why.. Why was it-- Why were they here?"

Aradia

"Are y0u 0k?" She says in a pathetic voice, cracking as if shes about to cry

"I d0nt kn0w why they were here! But they were calling f0r help... and they fell"

Kyrril

"Yes." No. Absolutely not. But he's mechanically climbing back into the bed. Grab one of Loom's hands to squeeze probably too tightly.

".....is this. What they were so concerned with.?"

Loom Looms going to be out for a while. But their chest begins to animate, and they are mortal again.

Gray skin. Black hair. Heart deathly slow.

Aradia

"P0ssibly... i mean this sickness. Its happened bef0re"

"It seems like with what happened back then. But back then everything that appeared. The hands, the tentacles. All them. Makes sense that w0uld have been them as well"

Kyrril

"But that. Finished." He had his heart attack about all that already!! Why again.

Aradia

"We d0nt kn0w that! We d0nt kn0w ab0ut anything thats g0ing 0n! And n0w y0ure hurt... and l00m... wh0 kn0ws when theyll even wake up"

Loom

They groan actually. Brow furrowed, but still asleep.

Aradia

She sighs in relief

Kyrril

He gives her a look like he hadn't considered that, and is very mad she put the thought in his head. But the movement is. Good. Promising. He's settling down to lay beside them with jerky movements. He won't sleep but. You know. "We can speak with them. Tomorrow."

[itissadbutitsmy-life]

the funniest jokes in bfdi

flower’s announcer crusher that she just. has, and everyone else just uses it too

trying to put out a fire by holding ice cube’s recovery center over the fire so she just falls into it endlessly

every single one of yellow face’s products, including but not limited to

fork attractant, for when you need a fork but don’t have the cutlery on hand

headphones you cannot change the volume on or remove

money slips, you just write an amount on them, and it counts as legal tender

“thats a pentagon!” “yeah! like if you took my name and added ‘Tagon’!“

in like episode 2 when they all run away from something and a second later flower casually power-walks away from it instead of running

when balloony deflated and a while later cloudy flies over and goes “i cannot believe it! this is a dead body!!”

“he’s not dead, he just needs a little help thats all! (starts reinflating him too fast) but i agree, he is a hindrance when he is deflate- ohh noooo”

hollow jawbreakers that sound can come into but can’t go out of

when they stuck loser in a jawbreaker they inverted it, so they can hear him talk to himself but he cant hear anything around him

no one seems to know that thats why they can hear him

one time they all ended up in space. because of budget cuts.

actually every time budget cuts lead to something that seems way cooler than their previous stuff, like sparkly purple lasers instead of a mechanical arm to eliminate people with

the consistently bad cake at stake prizes. one time it was just a block of ice cut into six pieces. one time it was dirty shovels.

the magical die of judgement

when freesmart drove across the ocean in their van and they managed it by holding their breath and each time one of them died they just recovered them and threw their corpse out the back

golf ball messing up naming her team by saying things like “we need to be another name” and ending up on teams called Another Name and A Better Name Than That

one team was formed entirely around learning to not kill people. pillow overhears them say “youre against killing?” and goes “:D did someone say killing??”

tennis ball admonishing rocky for not knowing how to write: “no arms is no excuse”

they had to find a needle in a haystack and needle just turned herself in, successfully

when they started using a board with the points written on it on flaps of paper instead of a computer screen, but due to budget cuts, it could only display two digits per contestant, so anyone who went over 100 started immediately dropping to the bottom of the rankings

when ice cube was sleeping at the cake of stake podiums and got shot up into the air at like 3000 mph

2763

when the eliminated contestants tried to escape the loser chamber and they just rolled it off into the ocean

theyre saved because the sun rises and picks them up out of the ocean

also apparently the chamber opens for like five minutes a day for sunlight, but instead of just climbing out during that time, which they seem to be capable of doing, they do a much more convoluted thing

they were sick of four so they got rid of him by multiplying him with donut, and it worked

ruby has some really weirdly specific ideas of beauty and coaches flower

the line delivery of “killing a bubble is as easy as one, two, th(pop)” “i just learned two things about bubble: she can be su i c i d a l and she’s S O D U M B she CANT even count to T H R E E!”

a few episodes later bubble angrily shows them she CAN count to three if she lives long enough to do so, and pencil and match are both like :O :O

bubbles first line in season four is her rapidly counting to ten before getting popped

the way each team breaks their jawbreakers

8 ball just goes “MNYAH” and bites it in half

"okay black hole, do the thing”

leafy tries to use woody’s tongue to lick it open even though rocky and balloony were doing just fine using acid

iance just going ‘bwehbwehbweh’ all licking the same one

team ice cube was doing a mix of bwebwhbehbbwehbw and loudly drilling it open with naily

when four loved so hard he shot eraser off over the horizon

when they’re discussing team names in season one  and theyre all talking over each other so you cant hear what theyre saying, except match, who grabs a megaphone and screams “SMOKY HOT FIERY BUNS”

when needle made a cake and put so much yeast in it that it breached earth’s atmosphere and astronomers apparently began classing earth as part of a three planet system (”consisting of the earth, the moon, and something called ‘needles cake’”)

“it’s ice cube! and she’s shrinking?” “she’s falling”

saying “(x character)! wake up!!” when it’s unclear (to the audience) why a character looks silly or apparently isnt responding

blocky’s sleeping pose is him with his eyes wide open, sporting a big goofy grin and hugging his legs

david’s sleeping pose is him with X eyes

one time the contest was to fill a tank with water from crying, and golf ball immediately ordered tennis ball to cry. he couldn’t do it on command, so golf ball tried, and cried her first ever tear, just... her first one

when the prize was fortune cookies, the fortunes were bracelety’s notes about how much she loves ice cube

“four, where’d you get these fortunes again?” “dumpster!”

“lightning always forgets to fly, so he had to be the fake”

when they were flying paper planes and stapy accidentally stapled his teammates into theirs, and he just hovered next to it while he was talking to them before they all started to plummet

the entire scene where liy tries to use ice cube to force teardrop to talk

“i’ll hold teardrops jaw open and you wiggle her vocal chords”

“i hate you” “yeah i hate her too!” “no. i hate you.”

“ice cube will only stop when she WANTS to stop!” “i want to stop”

“YOU SAID YOU WOULD HELP ME! YOU SAID YOU WERE COOL!” “so r r y (starts wiggling)”

“ICE CUBE! I AM APPALLED!!!!!”

ice cube gets bitten and starts screaming while bracelety is yelling “YEAH ICE CUBE! I CANT HEAR YOU, LOUDER!!”

apparently everyone who hates golf ball gets physically sick when they get near her (or at least, ruby does and snowball did once he knew she was there)

blocky got eaten by a monster in episode two but it turned out the monster missed him by a bit so he was fine

taco’s teammates thought she was dead forever and wrote eulogies for her, and once they found out she was alive lollipop threw hers away, but saw kept hers because in her eyes they’re still valid!!

when things started to get dramatic in the s1 finale, and leafy called announcer on the phone and he was in a ball pit

loser’s trapped in a jawbreaker and the only thing with him is donut’s diary. the next time you see him he’s reading it furiously and it’s filled with color-coded sticky notes

pillow decided if you wave your arms it means all your “care spirit” is getting sucked out your arms and sent into space (”a true indicator that person doesn’t give a fluff”)

remote got hacked and her FIRST INSTINCT is to send the hackers a bomb

“if theres an announcer recovery center now, that means we can kill the announcer as much as we want and he’ll still come back to give us dream island!”

they ask black hole to push them in their swing and he says he can’t push, but he can pull like there’s no tomorrow

“no i can literally warp space time so that there will be no tomorrow” “yeah,h don’t do that.”

when they have a tiebreaker announcer pulls out a silk tie and goes “first team to break this tie wins”

the second time, almost before he finished speaking, snowball just reached over and ripped it in half effortlessly

“proves you don’t need frills to make a feast for the eyes!” “more like taco doesn’t need to be dead to be deceased in my eyes!!!”

they had a race where everyone on each team had their legs tied together (like a three-legged race, but with like six people on a team)

pen’s team was doing fine but he wasn’t, so they just dragged him along behind

snowball tied his team into a ball and dragged them himself, to predictable results, and wouldn’t stop until he got to the finish line even though it took him until after the sun went down

he failed, actually, and him and his team plummeted down a ravine when he passed out

“the opposite of dream island! night...nightmare moon!!”

donut stuck his arms through a one way camera to the moon (it transmits matter as well as light), and to fix the fact that his arms were on the moon and his body was on earth, he pushed the entire earth through the camera

the moon is smushed up against the earth now. it has not been resolved yet

“gelatin and firey tied their legs together and fell off” “ya, seems like the kind of thing they would do”

pencil got caught by a monster and couldnt get away, so they had to kill her so they could recover her somewhere else, and they let her pick how they did it, which lead to everyone just sawing her in half while she grinned ear to ear. she was singing too. iconic

but first, match, her best friend, started waggling a big butcher’s knife around at her going “hoohoo hoeheehee im killing pencil loookat me” and pencil said “match put your butterknife away, you have to ACTUALLY kill me”

and when they were sawing her in half bubble had the BIGGEST, most BLISSFUL grin, with her eyes half closed like a happy cat

bell asks for help making people stop climbing her string, and snowball assures her he can do it, but he’ll have to climb her string to get to them

then like twenty people followed him up

when writing utensil characters use themselves to write with

sometimes they have tiny versions of themselves (sans limbs), but sometimes they just like, pull their caps off and write with their heads

(the same scream noise they use every time a group of people screams) “HONESTLY! (grabs a new can of fork repellent from hammerspace) are you guys going to scream like that EVERY time i use up a can?”

dodecadangit

OH THANKS AN OCTADECILLION, MATCH

they were basically playing hot potato where if you look at someone who was glowing you’d catch the glow, and most teams ended up just chilling with their eyes closed, but golf ball yelled “EVERYONE GET ON MY ROCKET” and she and her team just left earth entirely

this did not stop them from catching the glow

someone’s like “the communicator dish still works” and book goes “oh,” dips a chip into the communicator dish and splashes dip everywhere, “THATS what this is?”

the, like, five minute long end-credits scene of ice cube falling off a cliff eternally

pencil tells ruby which button to press and she keeps getting it wrong, partly because NEW BUTTONS KEEP APPEARING

the poison antidote that has the side effect of making the recipient eat one other contestant

pencil coaching her teammates on how to jump higher

“MMR? I love measles, mumps, and rubella!”

“golf ball knows how to do, like, everything!” (cut to golf ball) “i don’t know how to do, like, anything”

basketball invited 8 ball to be on her team cuz they’re both balls, then 8 ball said “sure, and let’s adopt these three” in reference to three other ball characters

loser said when he was younger he used to play with a toy that was apparently only just invented an hour ago, and everyone, like 60 characters, immediately disowned him and started a turf war over the situation

“black hole, you’re strong! open this jar for me!”

(as the world is literally ending) “FLOWER! WHATAVE YOU DONE??” “i got this jar open!!!”

whenever a host dies or is otherwise put out of commission and the contestants just keep trucking along until they remember no one can get the prize if the host isn’t around to give it to them 

that time announcer used like ten negatives in a sentence 

the way announcer says “wow!” with more emotion than anything else he says? idk if it’s intentional, or even a joke, but it’s the best thing 

(slow mo) “i want to cry now, i really do”

“and i cry acid”

ruby died of sadness and book made it big by selling her remains 

when they say some line that’s just regular words in a slightly unique way, and then the line gets repeated throughout the series 

announcer accidentally-on-purpose got everyone killed, except david (who’s immune to bugs), and he had a david cloner, so he just went ahead and replaced everyone with davids in costumes

halfway through cake at stake, the original contestants show up unexpectedly and explain that they “faked their deaths! obviously.”

“ive decided to not cancel bfdi!” “aw, seriously?”

the noises david and dora make when they do things, like clattering, or sprouting leaves 

bubble and match pretending to be trees

“NO BUBBLE! TREES DONT SAY THAT!” “OH, RIGHT! FSSHHHHHH! FWWWSHH!!!!”

when nickel and coiny get close together bad things happen

“how’s the tree-climbing going?” “it’s okay, but it’d be easier if you helped. (swoop) okay, just got to the top” 

“yes! I am the first one up the tree!” “that’s NOT true, I was here FIRST” 

i guess we’ll just have to use this trebuchet tennis ball built before he died 

“wha! yhad this the HWOLE TIME, I DIDN EVEN HAVE TO CLIMB THE TREE?” “physical exertion builds character :)” 

when everyone’s begging four to bring back their dead teammates, especially saw, who lost her entire team, and four is like okay I’ll bring back one (1) person, and saw very reverently starts to ask him for her dead team leader, but grassy says “tennis ball!” and four listens to him instead, and everyone immediately starts nagging four again to bring back more important people 

leafy, about to melt ice cube down for metal scrap: “ice cube, come on down! you can be my alloy!”

they met a new character and they’re like “who is that?” and pie’s like “I dunno, try squishing it” 

“theres another one? whoa! it totally has a different texture from the first one!”

8 ball beginning every single statement with things like “although I don’t have a favorite number...” 

“I do this!” (grabs pin and turns her, screaming, into a squiggly pile of lines) “pretty cool, dontcha think?” 

“can,,,, you bring her back?” “no” (five seconds later) “HEY CHECK THIS OUT! (brings back pin)” 

pen high fived black hole and his arm spaghettified 

“what are you doing?” “im going to die!” “hi needle! he’s not going to die.”

iance was trying to dig their way up out of the ground but they couldnt because golf ball kept blocking them from the surface

“maybe theyre trying to communicate with me?” “yeah they’re telling you to stop”

“they raise a very convincing argument. BUT IT’S NOT ENOUGH!” “OH what a pain!!”

she accurately guessed the fact that there was a group of people underground running from some lava who “clearly value avoiding [golf ball] more than their own safety”

“ohhhh so THIS is golf balls idea of fun!” “(sigh)... yep”

they looked through a camera and couldn’t see donut (the zoom wasn’t adjusted) and marker went “donut’s a vampire too?” 

too???

“meh, I’ve still got other evidence”

one time the eliminated contestants got to vote who to eliminate and snowball was like “ice cube, cuz it’s really hot in the TLC and I can’t be the only one cooling it off” 

like four other people were like “oh man he’s right” and did the same thing

“wouldn’t it be cool if the last word of the last episode was the same as the first word of the first episode?” “yeah :)” 

“take. a deep breath. you know. A DEEP FRIED BREATH” 

at the end of the episode he shows up with some boiling oil and is like “LIKE THIS! ONE, (sizzling and screaming noises)” “COINY NO” 

leafy was about to throw a knife at them but watched this happen offscreen with horror and then left them alone

david’s human, and that’s just weird

“im still mad you killed bubble” “youre one to talk, you were about to impale TWO WHOLE teams” “yeah, but bubble’s life? is special”

pen’s like “okay we three need to stick together while we’re picking teams!” but then eraser hears some other team has free food, so he runs off and pen very flatly goes “okay, we lost eraser.”

“well let’s not pick pen, he’s still two hundred bigintillion dollars in debt” which is mostly hilarious without the first three seasons of context, but even with context it’s hilarious. he looks so shamefaced when they say it too. i love pen

once someone finally picks him he IMMEDIATELY perks up and takes charge

the hphprcc went into self destruct mode and everyone started frantically trying to figure out what to do, and book’s like “okay it’ll either just disappear without a trace, or blow up and kill us all, 50/50 chance” and then of course, it exploded, and ruby started screaming, and then book was like “ruby, stop hallucinating! see? it just disappeared, without a trace!”

“YOuuOURE HalLUCINAATING!!” “DON’T do that!! it is K-R-E-P!”

pin tried to knock everyone off the eiffel tower by shaking it and book was like “who does she think she’s kidding? it’s the eiffel tower we won’t fall off”

“name ONE! name ONE friend you haven’t gotten extremely angry at!” “thats not fair,! there isnt even any of them!”

8ball was saying the opposite of everything golf ball was saying, up to and including calling the members of their team, a better name that that, “worse namers”

“is this because i killed you last episode?” “what?? no, i dont care about that!”

“life is CHEAP! get me a BANANA!!!”

flower bit off half of announcer’s head and he couldn’t make the K sound anymore

“have this -ashew” “bless you”

“no i said -ashew. -ashew. -ashew. -ashew.” “wow you must be allergic to something”

“maybe announcer’s allergic to this cashew? here bubble, you can have it!”

pencil won the staring contest because david’s allergic to sunrises

freesmart was making video diaries during the three year hiatus, but apparently did absolutely no editing or even rewatching of the videos, because they found out three years too late that ruby left the lens cap on every time she used the camera

when four played the cake at stake song in the classroom he played it on a low-quality portable tv instead of cutting to a fullscreen video

“iknowafasterway!” “NORUBYYOULLDIE!”

pin said she didnt want to halve the votes she got because she hadnt done anything that would make people want to vote for her, and it immediately cut to a series of old scenes of her throwing people under the metaphorical bus

literally nothing is funnier than “i mean, i havent done anything to make people vote for me” (cut to flashback) “there’s too much weight on this sinking ship!!! we need to throw someone OVERBOARD!!!!”

one team got stuck doing their nine-piece puzzle for a MONTH because all the pieces were the same dark brown color

the pieces were upside down

a month

“the finish line! it���s only twenty or so yards away!”

two people talking and using the word “needy” twice and pausing to throw their hands up protectively and go “HNnnnynGH”

“why do i have filling, but also a hole?” - donuts diary

in 5b theyre talking to some npcs and theyre like “well dont hurt us, because we just got finished being punished in lego brick’s dungeon” and the npcs were like “oh yeah he does that. he’s a great guy, but he does that.”

also in 5b when book met lego brick the FIRST thing she asked is if he’s “safe to look at” which,???

they did a trivia contest and multiple questions were in complete gibberish

presumably this is an actual language in canon since like three other people answered correctly, also in gibberish, but still

“you’ve got this, bubble, you’re great at mental contests” “question one: ooba grooba, grooba shmooba?” “HUH?”

“but tennis ball -- oh... tennis ball....--”

team naming, especially in season four

“we’re not ALL in the alliance!” “well, if you take ‘the all’ out of the alliance, you get...”

“and what is your name?” (everyone says their own actual names at once)

ice cube is not on team ice cube

Death Prevention And Creating Trust

“let’s be called The Losers!” “awww! you didn’t have to”

wheel ooze a hole bunch. WOAH bunch!

“but then it sounds like youre saying free-DUMB!” “and we are so like totally not dumb!”

when the losers decided to use iance’s idea to win the swing contest and it was styled like an overenthusiastic science video 

“WHOA!!! iance just had a RADICAL idea!!!”

“TREASON! TREASON! TREASON!” “im in what?”

“seriously why are so many people drowning? it’s not even quicksand, or anything” - announcer, responding to five people drowning in a basket of bread

they were whispering with “susuusus” noises and cloudy whispered “zuzuzuzzuz”

the spaceship with the sign that says “this spaceship runs on big squishy contestants” or whatever and after the credits it slowly flips over to say “this spaceship runs on VOTERS”

“stop shooting at me!” “no way! i got these cannonballs on sale and IM GONNA GET MY MONEYS WORTH!!!”

eggy and cake’s argument over who has a deeper spiritual connection with loser

“my connection is so strong that when i crack, i bleed loser’s COLOR”

playing catch with a star they plucked out of the big dipper, and leafy’s horror over it

adding “ey” to people’s names (personal favorites are announcery, fourty-four, flowey, treey, and belly)

blueberries are EXPLOSIVE, including the ones inside pie, so sometimes she just explodes

“but over a year ago, four said you dont need frills to make a feast for the eyes, so that means hes okay with trash!”

the anti-advertisements advertisement!

four ate a whole team and they just sort of stood around inside him sticking their arms out his mouth and laughing hysterically

“again! again again again !!!!”

“we could be leaving!” “yeah, but when’s the last time you saw remote this happy? this is good for her!”

book, three episodes into season 3: hey, what is it we’re even battling for?

(iconic voice): dwream island,??

when they had a beauty contest and firey speaker box and flower speaker box just immediately chose firey and flower to be the winners without a second’s hesitation

“book! come help us catch a criminal!” “no thanks, im good!”

donut tried to punish people for getting the wrong answers when he was hosting, but it turns out a recording of four screeching doesn’t work... quite as well as the real deal

four zapping gelatin

ok ok ok this is insanely long but please add more if u have any favorites i missed

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[marvelous-imagines-for-all]

Platonic Avengers Imagine Parker!Reader Part 2

Requested? Yes! 

“I loved your avenger headcanons! Can you do a continued part to it with the reader and Tony stark where they've been getting closer and bonding more and then after endgame (We're gonna be happy okay) Tony brings home Peter and it's all just a bunch of fluff”

“I sent in an earlier request for part to off parker reader, can you make the first part kinda angsty where the reader is truly struggling without her brother and tony helps her through it all and then it slowly gets better???? If not - thats grat too!”

Author: Jade 

Warnings: ENDGAME SPOILERS (with alternate ending), sad reader, sad people, i mean everyone lost someone so who isnt sad :(, but it gets better I promise 

Author’s Note: I wrote this all on paper and then changed it like 3 times and then typed it so forgive me for randomness but I tried my best. I LOVE writng avengers platonic so def send that in and let me know what you thought! 

-After IW it was obvious everyone was in grieving

-Everyone was in different stages, some mourning, some depressed, some angry, and some just trying to find a way to move on

-You had hit a dark hole in which even the Avengers and May had a hard time bringing you back

-But Tony’s constant efforts were especially appreciated by you as you grew closer to him

-In a short matter of time he became more like a father figure

-He partially completely blamed himself for what happened to your brother and had to make it up to you

-So he promised you he would help bring Peter back

-Both of you spending countless hours in the lab

-Bouncing ideas off of each other, testing different theories

-Having help from the others, but once it gets late at night it ends up just being the two of you

-He’ll stay up as long as he has to, but he ends up sending you home after a few hours of hard working

-But he will stay up way longer than that after you leave

-Tony having to call it a night short when he sees you getting frustrated and teary eyed, not wanting a panic attack to trigger and have things worse

-Him dropping you off at May’s and giving her an update

-May wasn’t holding up well with the events (no one was), so Tony made sure to take you off of her hands as much as possible, not that you were much trouble but still

-Him always being a call away, even if he’s busy

-He refuses to ignore you and knows that you wouldn’t call him unless you needed him

-Tony holding you after you have yet another nightmare and staying up with you afterward for as long as you need it

-He says it’s better to talk about it but you never do and he understands 100% and doesn’t push the subject any further  

-One time you called him from school asking to come get you

-He wanted to claim at first that he couldn’t do that without May’s permission

-But he didn’t question it when he heard your whimpers on the other side

-immediately calling the front office to excuse you as he drives over to pick you up while letting your aunt know where you would be

-Him comforting you when you break down crying again in his car

-He gets better at sensing when you’re about to have a panic attack and pulling you away from everything to help calm you down and come to your senses before it gets bad

-Just Tony Stark helping you through a time when you were hurting so much you felt like you couldn’t continue life

-You visiting the rest of the Avengers as much as possible and trying to keep in touch

-You fail with a few of them, succeed with others

-One time you’re over at his place and Pepper mentions that baking can help relieve stress

-Guess who just started a new baking hobby ;)

-You baking nonstop and Tony and Morgan being your taste testers

-They try your batters, icing, doughs, everything to make sure it’s tip top

-Tony loves the red velvet batter while Morgan claims that the vanilla icing is the best thing in the WORLD

-She says that about a lot of things but she’s a little kid so it's all relative

-Movie nights start becoming a thing

-The first movie is some cartoon Morgan wants to watch and then she falls asleep halfway through it on your lap and then you guys change it to a different movie

-You babysitting Morgan while Tony and Pepper have date nights and Morgan tells Tony she sees you like an older sister

-thIS WARMS MY MAN’s heART Let me TELL YOU

-After a couple of years you graduate high school

-That was a challenge but you knew you had to do it and had mega support along the way

-Tony and his family joining May at your graduation and them all cheering you on as your name is called

-When you come down in your gown and diploma, Tony sees true happiness in your eyes and it almost makes him tear up because you’ve seemed so lost these past couple of years and now you’re coming back

-He feels like he did his job and his heart is BURSTING  

-Afterwards Tony offered to pay for your college but you asked if you could join him at Stark Industries

-You’re warming this man’s heart again

-He accepted you in an instant

-I mean you practically already worked there with how many hours you spent a week in the office and labs

-But you tell Tony a few weeks down the line that you’re moving on from trying to find Peter

-He’s taken aback but he understands that you spent over 2 years and haven’t found anything, so you have no hope left

-Shifting your focus to your new family and job

-You end up being so successful (duh) and helping Tony add on an entire new company under the Stark’s and being the head of it

-May and Tony being so proud of their baby

-You growing closer to Pepper as well when Tony is away at business retreats and what not

-You taking care of Morgan and bonding with her more and helping her in school

-Life’s just finally good

-You have occasionally panic attacks and nightmares, but they’re close to none and you usually handle them yourself

-life really was just good

-This goes on for about 3 years before Steve pulls up and sets a deal breaker on the table

-He thinks he has a way to bring everyone back and change things to the way they were before

-You swore you were done but the moment he finished the offer you were at your feet agreeing before you could even process what you were thinking

-Tony being reluctant to letting you go, as you were in a good spot in your life and he didn’t want to see you hurt if this failed, or him have to go through losing you too if this went wrong

-Your protection was one of the main reasons he agreed to helping Steve

-If there was gonna be danger, he had to at least do his part in protecting you

-He owed it to you and Peter

-Seeing everyone (Most of them) back together in the same room working fills you with nostalgia yet some sort of happiness

-During the events of getting the stones back and the battles, Tony refused to let you step foot out of the lab to join

-He even prevented you from being able to watch through the comm room which you had used to do during missions

-It was almost destined that people were going to die, maybe even him, and he didn’t want you to witness that whether it was in person or on screen

-You didn't go down without yelling but you eventually knew there was no use and you were just wasting their time

-You stay back with Happy and Morgan as everyone else leaves to fight

-You play games with Morgan, but it’s actually to distract you more than her

-The wait was painful, as you were praying everything and everyone would be okay

-And then Tony arrived

-Beaten, bruised, and bleeding, but he was back.

-He was alive.

-You and Morgan rushing to him as relief floods through you and you thank the higher powers for bringing your dad back home

-It’s not until you hear an all too familiar voice from behind him that you pull away

-It was Peter

-Peter Parker

-Everything around you falls and flies at the same time as you launch yourself toward the young boy crying

-You engulfing him in a hug that he just knows is gonna leave him with a couple of broken bones

-But he had already been told about the long and hard 5 years

-5 damn years you went without him

-5 years of thinking you failed as a sister and went each day thinking about how you would never get him back

-He couldn’t even imagine what that was like 

-So he thanked the universe for having fast healing abilities and returned your hug with an even tighter one

-There’s so much happiness flowing everywhere for a while

-You never stop giving Peter random hugs

-He doesn’t mind, he’s glad you’re showing him this kind of affection since he didn’t get much of it from you before

-Him getting a little jealous at how much you’ve gotten accomplished at Stark Industries but he sees how content you are and how close you got with Tony

-it makes Peter the happiest and proudest brother ever

-May returning to her old self and you three bonding like a family again

-Any remaining nightmares were now comforted by Peter who could cheer you up way faster than Tony ever could (It’s a sibling thing, no offense Mr. Stark)

-You arguing with Peter about him doing Spider-Man stuff because you are not about to lose him again

-But you let him eventually because you know it makes him happy and you can’t take his happiness away when you knew exactly how that felt

-Talking to Tony about being let back into the Comm room when Peter goes on a mission

-You and Tony sitting next to each other in it

-you looking over and finally thanking Tony Stark out loud for all he’s done for you

-But mainly keeping his promise and bringing Peter back to you

[iamsonyeondone]

plus one // kim doyoung

♥  florist! doyoung x wedding planner! reader 

♥  fluff!

♥  2.5k words

as much as your job required you to run multiple errands and search for whatever the bridezillas were so persistent to having

it was still something you had fun doing especially when you get clients who were unexpectedly easy-going

but even if they werent, you tried your best to look at the brightside

and maybe also confide in the multiple shop owners you had gotten to know through your job

irene, the owner of the boutique that you would always recommend to your clients, is always a sweetheart to you whenever she sees you drop by to check on the dresses

when i meant sweetheart, i meant the kind where she really takes care of you like a motherly figure

“are you sure you’ve gotten enough to eat? wendy stopped by with lunch and she brought some extra. have lunch with me?”

or “did you stain your dress shirt again? change into this one and i’ll take care of that stain,” as she casually whips out detergent and fabric softener from in between the dresses????

but you also have the bakery where you accidentally become the food critic for kun because he cant trust his nephew's friends because they’ll eat anything edible

especially jaemin who may or may not have sneaked behind the counter to make his own concoction of coffee because kun wouldnt’t let them in

but thats because the last time they went into the kitchen, they nearly burnt the building down

anYways, whenever you meet kun its always the usual “try this” “yn what do you think?” “is it a little too sweet?”

and you try your best to give whatever knowledge you have from cakes that your clients have ordered

and kun would have this big smile, thanking you before he rushes off to the kitchen again

aside from the two most loveliest people you’ve ever met on the job, theres was one other person who wasn’t as lovely

or at least not as welcoming

kim dongyoung, the florist you always order from but you just wished he would be a little less,,, sarcastic

it’s not like you hated him for being him

you just cant wrap your mind around the fact that nearly every sentence that comes out from his mouth would be sarcastic

like that one time you couldn’t pronounce peonies and pronounced them as ponies instead and he looked at you with That Look

as if you couldn’t pronounce cat or something

“this isn’t a stable yn. if you wanted to see horses, this isn’t the place you should be going to,”

and sometimes he gets on your nerves when you call out to him and he just ignores you because you’re just dropping by to check on the bouquet order

and he just goes like “did yall hear sumn?”

but one day, when you were absolutely exhausted from tending to a third-level bridezilla aka the second worst kind, and you had your last stop at the flower shop

you went in as per usual and asked if doyoung had already prepared the bouquet you asked him to prepare the day before

and doyoung scoffs, “you think?” 

and it wasn’t even half as bad as he usually teased you

but you’re suddenly in tears and it most definitely caught doyoung off-guard

like he’s always seen you remain firm and strong no matter how annoying he gets most of the times

but to see you in shambles like this made him feel like the biggest douchebag on earth

instead of showing you the bouquet, he brings a tissue box from his desk and wipes your tears, repeating his apologies as much as he could

and as your sniffling and hiccuping from your breakdown, doyoung curses in his head

because he’s the biggest idiot, getting his heart shattered just by looking at your distress

“kun came by because he wasn’t on shift today and knew you would be coming later so he dropped off some bagels and coffee if you wanted. he said it was another experiment,”

while your throat still felt like a pit was stuck in it, you nodded your head slowly while doyoung fetched the paperbag and a cup from his desk

the two of you sat in silence while you nibbled on the bag, thinking to yourself to thank kun when you see him

and doyoung just sits on the opposite side, leaning back on his chair with his arms folded

and you feel like he’s burning a hole through your head with his eyes and couldnt help but take a few glances his way

and he’s just staring right at you

as if he was too far into dream land to notice you were looking back at him

the way his face looked a little solemn, which was unusual for you to see him in that state

that was until you remembered the little breakdown from earlier and your eyes shift away from his dark ones

you couldnt handle the silence any longer, fidgeting in your seat as you sipped your drink

“im...sorry for earlier. it was a rough day and-”

“i’m the one who was supposed to apologize, you don’t have to,” he cut you off, sighing as he combed through his hair with his fingers

“yeah but it must’ve been awkward seeing me be a crybaby,”

and doyoung bites his tongue from agreeing with you 

“we all have our moments, im just glad you dont see mine,” 

you gasp dramatically, placing a hand on your chest, an obvious attempt to lighten the mood

“kim dongyoung cries too,”

“ha ha very funny. I’m not a robot you know,” he rolled his eyes and somehow, seeing you with that growing smile on your face lifted a weight he didnt know had been on his shoulders

“anyways, i need to close up shop now so make sure you got all your things,” he waved his hand, dismissing you as he locked up the back room and packed his belongings

just as you slung your bag over your shoulder, a picture of him and kun as well as their friends were framed and put on his desk

and you weren’t sure how you weren’t able to spot such a striking photo full of a huge group of guys

but when you see doyoung smiling so brightly in the photo, you couldn’t help but smile as well

“if you’re done oggling my friends, you could maybe get out before you get locked in?” he raised a brow, leaving the door open as he waited for you to leave

as he locked the main doors, you couldnt help but imagine that big grin on his face

“why don’t you ever smile as often?” you questioned him out of the blue

“i dont see a need to.” he replied nonchalantly, walking off once the entrance was locked

“whatever floats your boat i guess. by the way...” you trailed off, stopping him in his tracks as he turned back to face you

“thank you, doyoung,” you smiled, waving him goodbye before rushing off to the other direction

for some reason, your cheeks felt like they had been lit on fire and the tightening feeling around your chest felt unfamiliar

and while you were too busy fussing over symptoms that would have been obvious to the public eye, doyoung watched your figure disappear while a smile grew on his face

with a small chuckle he turned the other way and huffed

“maybe smiling isnt that bad,” he mumbled under his breath, taking slower than usual in his walk back home

a week passes and said third-level bridezilla's wedding had finally arrived

and you've never felt more tired than you did in your entire college life

with barely 2 hours of sleep, you rushed around the venue with your clipboard in hand, checking things off your list once they were prepared

after the main hall had been done, it was finally your time to do your job as councellor for the bride but a tap on your shoulder stops you from rushing to the waiting room

"yn? cant believe you forgot something so important," doyoung smirks, pointing to a bouquet of fresh flowers in his other hand

you sigh, thanking him profusely as you took it carefully into your arms

your concealer wasnt doing a good job in hiding your dark circles, and the stray strands of hair that were sticking out from your once styled hair made you look unkempt

"is there anything else you need help with? im free for the rest of the day," doyoung asks without hesitation

remembering the mental breakdown you had that day was a good enough reason to ask you

"i dont- i dont think so but i need to go and see the bride before it starts and then check if the groom's ready and most importantly the rings and the ringbearers are probably with the groom too-"

"I'll check on the groom and the ringbearers, while you go tackle that monster in the waiting room," he chuckle

and you see this wide smile plastered on his face

and for a split second, your heart nearly jumps right out of your chest

but when the thought of the bride comes wrecking through, you thank him once again, running down the hallway with your clipboard close to your chest

while doyoung jogs off to find the groom, his heart racing for one reason only

as your calming the bride down with the second box of tissues, trying your best to maintain the makeup that the makeup artist had painstakingly done for 2 whole hours

doyoung was more than ready, already ensuring the groom’s outift as well as the ringbearer who was the groom’s adorable nephew

all that’s left was to wait for the event to begin

once the bride had calmed down and successfully did not wipe the hours of work on her face, you checked on the bridesmaids before heading off to the venue

just as you walked down the halls, you see doyoung walking ahead of you

as quietly as you could, you sneaked up behhind him, grabbing his shoulders and scaring him

yet doyoung didnt even make a sound

until you pouted and he couldnt resist letting out the most sarcastic yell paired with the most unamused expression

"sheesh, you could've just stopped at not reacting rather than give me the shittiest one you've ever given me," you huffed, brushing your stray strands of hair as the both of you walked side by side

"but it was entertaining seeing you fail, so it wasn't really a failure was it?" he teased

and yet the endearing gesture of his to brush the annoying strand of hair behind your ear is the only thing you can notice

"y-yeah whatever. besides, is everything ready on the groom’s side?” you questioned, avoiding his eyes

“he’s practically ready to say his vows right now. what about the bride? heard she had the sixth mental breakdown today,” he chuckled while you groaned, massaging your temples

“she started crying about her double chin because she’s been stress-eating the past week so the make-up artists had to contour her chin a little more,” your story made doyoung burst out laughing, and although it caught you by surprise, you laughed along, relishing in the rare moment

“let’s get this over and done with,” his smile still shining after his laughing fit

“we?” you raised a brow

“you really think you can handle this bridezilla alone?” he smirked

“let’s do this then,” with a final look and a loud thump of your heart, you and doyoung head over to the venue 

everything went on smoother than you had planned - the bride only started crying after her vows, the cute nephew didnt trip over his own two chubby feet and everything was done just as it did during rehearsals

you couldnt control the relieved smile on your lips and doyoung might have not be able to control his eyes from watching you every once in a while, his smile mirroring yours

“now all that’s left is the reception in two hours. see you later then?” you asked doyoung while everyone else scattered out of the venue

“of course you will. before i go, wear something blue,” he flashed you another smile before rushing out of the doors

did he...ask you that for the two of you to match?

you shake your head from the clouds while your heart raced once more

doyoung really has a way of creeping into your heart

as the reception began and you were walking from one end to another to ensure everything was ready, you dont notice doyoung walking in with a navy blue suit, his hair swept back

because if you did, you would have stopped entirely and knocked into one of the waiters

which was something you nearly did if it werent for one of the bride’s sisters

“did i see what i think i saw, yn?” in a second, doyoung was now in front of you and that damn smirk of his on display

“shut up, you didnt see anything. and anyways, why did you ask me to wear blue anyway? i had to ask irene to borrow me one,” you sighed, brushing off imaginary dust off of your outift to distract you from how good-looking doyoung had become

not like he wasnt good-looking in the first place

“to match with me obviously, i can’t come here uninvited so i guess i’m you’re plus one for now,” he shrugged when in reality, its making it hard for him to breathe and difficult for him to not only focus on you

“i completely forgot-”

“yn! thank you for helping my sister with her wedding- oh is this your boyfriend? is he the one in charge of the bouquet?” the sister’s bride grins wide while the two of you exchanged anxious looks

“y-yeah, he’s the one who arranged the bouquet. how is the outfit change going?” you mustered up a sweet smile to cover your raging heart as you linked arms with doyoung, nudging him to play along

“oh everything’s fine, dont worry about it. by the way, if you guys ever plan on tying the knot, dont fret to call me, i will gladly lend a helping hand,” but before she could go on about marriage, she was pulled to the side by her cousin, leaving you and doyoung 

“to make this easier, why dont i just be your actual plus one?” doyoung shrugged, sneaking his fingers to intertwine with yours instead, making you freeze on the spot

“what?” you nearly snap your head from turning to look at him

“did i stutter?” he squeezes your hand, a small smile adorning his face

“wait, the feelings are mutual?-” you stutter, still wide-eyed from his sudden confession

“oh god you’re such an idiot, but i guess you’re my idiot now,” he let out a tired chuckle, holding you by the waist and pressing a gentle kiss to your temple

kim dongyoung was actually a lovely florist

he just had no idea how to handle ‘feelings’

a/n: its been so long since i wrote that im having so much trouble making sense of my words but i hope you guys like it!!

[jumpingjackets]

arduously alive (hamilsquad x reader)

Prompt: You are an artist, the kind that people don’t like to talk about. You met a boy who asked if you were okay. You broke.

Word Count: 2564

A/N: This wasn’t requested, but I’ve been feeling not so great and wanted to project, and I thought since I haven’t posted anything in a h*cking long time, might as well share it with you guys. (this isnt a relationship thing, by the way, i put hamilsquad cause they’re the characters of focus. think of it as a friendship, in a way)

TW: Mention of self-harm/self-harm scars, romanticizing self-harm, unhealthy coping with mental illness, suicide attempt (please stay safe)

You liked to consider yourself a happy person in general, but you knew in your heart that wasn’t true. You liked to think that you genuinely enjoyed laughing, smiling and interacting with other people, but you knew it wasn’t true. You have started to consider that happy part of you as a separate character of yourself.

They had radiant skin, glowing smile and could grow flowers in their hair with how much joy and life they created, but that wasn’t you. It was a character you created to make everyone around you comfortable. You knew no one could be able to bear the real you.

No one could bear the crying, screaming and depressed “you” that got loose when no one was around. You didn’t let it. You weren’t going to let it ruin all the hard work you had gone through to make a more beautiful “you”. The problem was, you even felt disconnected from them, too. You always felt slightly wrong. Slightly out of place, never belonging.

You found a way, eventually, to ground yourself into reality. A little prick and a little blood and your whole body felt at ease. The beauty of a metallic razor filled you, the real you, with so much reality that you and it never disconnected.

You spent so long running the little piece of metal all over your skin, creating line after line of beautiful art in your wrist and thighs that you felt like you could dance in the clouds. You and the razor became inseparable best friends, almost lovers, even. You loved it, and it loved you.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t show anyone the art to anyone. They would whisper and worry, and that wasn’t something the happy, cheery you wanted. It was fine, though. A big sweater and jeans and you were set. Nobody suspected a thing and you continued your art. Everyone was happy.

You continued with your life, as both characters, up until you got into university. It was supposed to be the happiest moment of your life, getting into your dream school and being able to achieve everything you had set for yourself. Your family and friends seemed to dance around you in a dream-like daze, but you still felt odd. You didn’t let anyone know and didn’t let it show.

Starting university was your biggest inspiration. You drew and drew until the bathroom floor was a beautiful red color. You felt yourself drifting once or twice, but you were okay. You felt alive.

Sitting in class a day after a particularly colorful night, fumbling with your sleeves, a boy you had never seen before sat next to you.

Scratch that, you have seen him before. Running around campus, loud and smiling and beautiful. His eyes were always wide and glowing and his smile was beaming. Everything about him was beautiful and alive.

“Hi.” He said simply, eyes fixed on yours, almost as if trying to connect with your soul. His smile faded in the slightest when you only smiled in response. It was weak and insincere, probably something he will never give in his life.

“What are you majoring in? I’m in Political Science.” You saw him hold back, like he wanted to speak more but wouldn’t. Shame, you liked his voice.

“Social Science.” You said, straightening in your chair. If you were going to talk to someone, being hunched over your notebook wasn’t exactly polite. You felt the happy “you” take charge. “Political and social sciences are similar, right?”

You seemed to have turned on a switch, because he smiled even brighter.

“Yeah, they are. They have differences here and there, but-but yeah they’re similar.” He stumbled, but kept looking at you.

You were about to open your mouth to keep talking when the professor walked in. Both of you sat up straight as a board and never spoke during the whore lecture.

After it was done and you had mindlessly picked up your bag and books, you were stopped midway by the same voice.

“Alexander, by the way. Hamilton.” He said, walking the opposite direction from where you were walking.

“Y/N. L/N.” you half shouted. It took him by surprise that you actually responded, but he shot you a bright smile, turned around, and kept walking.

That night, you held your best friend with a shaky hand. The movement made it glimmer in the bathroom light multiple times. Your chest felt hollow, like it always did, but your heart was pounding like an animal, trapped, wanting to get out. This had never happened before. You felt uneasy and awkward, but in a different way than before. This time, it was almost good.

The next time you saw Alexander was in the campus cafeteria, tray with food half eaten, smiling and laughing with three other people. All of them were beautiful, almost as alive and radiant as Alexander. Your heart fluttered. You had never seen a group of people so full of joy and life, none that had made your heart drop when they noticed you, at least.

The other three looked at you but seemingly thought nothing and continued talking, but Alexander waved you over to their table. You hesitated at first. They already had an obviously personal space in themselves, were you sure you wanted to invade it? Nevertheless, you walked quietly over to him and smiled.

“Hey, Alexander.” You said, half hugging him while he was mid standing up.

“What’s up? Where are you headed?” He chatted as if you had known each other for years. One of the other boys looked between the two of you curiously.

“Just wandering around campus, really. They cancelled my class for today but I don’t want to go back to my house and be alone, you know?” You talked with your hands, but you were wearing a jacket to which you had previously cut holes to stick your thumb out. Only so the sleeves never slipped and people wouldn’t see what decorated your wrists.

“Why don’t you sit here with us?” He said, scooting over the seat to give you space. You didn’t know why your heart raced.

“Oh, don’t worry,” You said with nervous laughter, “I wouldn’t want to bother you guys.” You said, shuffling the straps of your back pack. You could already feel the others hoping she would leave in silence, tears where already threating at the back of your eyes.

“You wouldn’t be bothering us. You seem innocent enough.” The boy who was previously studying you said. His eyes were also gleaming, with a different light than Alexander’s, but it was still so beautiful. And alive, most definitely.

You felt the lump in your throat relax as you sat down next to Alexander. The chatter in the cafeteria was practically nonexistent, too, so you felt at peace.

“Nice to meet you, I’m John. This is Herc,” he pointed to the boy next to him, which he waved and smiled, mouth filled with food which gave him a child-like grin (which you returned, obviously).

“And I’m Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Mortier de La Lafayette, but you can call me Laf.” The other boy, sitting next to Alexander, introduced himself before John could. He was physically breathtaking, more so than the others, which you didn’t think possible. His eyes were soft and luminous, his voice thick with French.

You smiled and nodded as each one introduced themselves. “Well, I’m Y/N, nice to meet all of you.” You were quiet, terrified. You didn’t know why. All you wanted the moment the words left your lips was to go home and draw.

Surprisingly, though, you didn’t have the worst time with them. It was easy to talk, easy to laugh with them. John was a med student, Laf isn’t an exchange, Hercules is in the college team and Alexander never stops talking. All of them had something to them that made you feel a different connection with life.

But, unfortunately, all dreams have to end. Hercules and Laf left together to study (Alexander and John started snickering once they left) and John left to feed his pets half an hour later. It was just you and Alexander. You stood up after a few minutes since John had left.

“Thank you for inviting me to sit down with your friends, Alexander. I don’t remember the last time I laughed that much.” You said, hugging him fully this time.

“Do you need a ride home? It’s getting kind of dark, it’s dangerous to walk alone around these parts.” He said, his voice sounded almost like he was worried.

You considered it. You looked out to the sky. It was dark out, and frankly you were a little bit scared of walking alone in the dark.

“I’d appreciate that, thank you.” You said. He didn’t wait one second before jumping up. He threw his tray away, and motioned you to follow him.

You walked to his car in silence, kicking a stone in the floor occasionally. You got into his car, a sweet smell hitting your nostrils immediately. You saw the air freshener sitting behind the rearview mirror.

“We all had fun today, Y/N, thanks for joining us. You’re really great.” Alexander said once you were leaving campus. You were taken aback, it felt like your mouth was a desert.

“I had fun too, Alexander. Thank you.” Was all you could muster up. Your body was starting to shut down, crash from all the excitement from the evening. Your second character was waking up. They were furious, so you stayed quiet the whole ride beside telling Alexander your address, and quickly thanking him for the ride. He hurriedly asked for your number, and you scribbled it in his hand.

That night you were at the brink something terrible, and you didn’t know why. You drew and drew until you almost couldn’t breathe. Your vision turned blurry, that had never happened. You weren’t scared, but that fact did scare you.

You didn’t know why it felt so bad, meeting other people wasn’t a bad thing. Meeting good people who make you feel weirdly happy wasn’t a bad thing either, but your character didn’t care.

“They hated you.” You could hear it say. “Should’ve just kept walking. They hated you.”

You drew more than you did ever before, but you didn’t care.

You wore a thin long sleeve the next time you saw Alexander, maybe two or three days later. You prayed red didn’t seep through the bandaging.

Alexander smiled at you, but quickly retracted it and sat down at the very front. Not far from you, but not next to you either.

The lecture came and went. You hurried back to your house, threw off your shirt, and picked up your trusty best friend.

“I am the only one that loves you.” It glinted in the light. You knew it was right.

You were in the middle of drawing, when your phone buzzed in the floor. You were startled, to say the least, even more when it was an unknown number that had texted you.

Hey, sorry I’m just writing to you now, didn’t know what to say to you. Are you ok? You didn’t seem to great in class today. Please let me hear back from you. I’m a bit worried. -Alex

Oh? You’ve only spoken to him twice, maybe? Why did he care?

“He doesn’t.” Said the razor.

Hey, Alexander. I’m sorry, I haven’t been feeling well. Thank you for worrying, though. No need for that. I’ll be fine.

Your fingers trembled as you wrote back and hit send. You didn’t know why. You put the phone down and picked up your razor.

“Yes! Yes!” Screamed the razor. It knew what went through your mind, even before you did. You put your hand over your mouth to muffle a sob.

Was this happening? Really?

“Do it.” Said both of your characters. Your phone was buzzing again, but right now you could care less. You changed into something comfortable, the short sleeves of your shirt showcasing all the artwork, intricate lines down your forearms. Some raised, some darker, some almost invisible. You thought it looked beautiful. You examined your forearms for a while, maybe too long, before you walked back to the bathroom.

You ran a bath, and waited until the tub filled almost to the brim. You crawled in, the water spilling out of the tub, but it was fine. It was all fine.

You took your razor out, fiddling with it around your fingers. Were you ready? Yes. It was okay. It was ok.

You didn’t think you would do it today. Had you asked yourself a few days ago, you didn’t think you wanted this. But now, surrounded by calming warm water and your best friend, you realize it was long overdue. When it pressed in your skin, deeper than ever, drawing so much blood, you heard something outside.

A car.

It was fine though. You continued, having to stifle a cry of pain. It was so deep now. No turning back now.

You heard a voice.

Your hand shook as blood rushed out of your wound. Not too deep, not enough.

You heard multiple voices now, your heart started racing. Who would come here?

There was a knock on the door. Your head fell back, vision blurry. Your limbs were falling asleep. You still gripped onto your razor, determined to finish.

The front door opened, since you left it unlocked, but you didn’t care anymore. It was done, you thought it was done, but why were you still so awake? Didn’t matter. You pressed it to the other arm.

“Y/N?” A voice yelled. French. You didn’t look up. The doorknob on the bathroom door shook before opening slightly as you pressed the metal into your skin, drawing more blood. You grew so weak that you dropped the razor. The door opened completely, but the person stood still, unable to react.

You head limped to the side, you saw the color in Alexander’s face drain completely. His mouth moved, as if speaking, but nothing came out. Lafayette poked his head in, but quickly went into action when he saw red-tinted water.

You could hear him calling for John. The boy immediately arrived, taking your arms and wrapping them with something.

“Laf, Alex, apply pressure here. Herc, call 911. I’ll get my kit.”

He seemed so calm but his voice was demanding enough to wake Alexander. He rushed next to Lafayette, taking your arms carefully. Your head limped from side to side from being forced slightly up, but you shrieked in pain when you felt pressure in your cuts.

Alexander winced. He could only imagine the pain. Lafayette brushed the hair out of your face.

“I know, I know. It’ll be okay, mon cher. It’ll be okay.” He whispered, breathing in heavily when you sobbed.

“It hurts.” Your voice was hoarse as you continued to sob.

“You’ll be okay soon, Y/N. Just hold on.” This time Alexander spoke. His voice trembled just as much as his bottom lip. You couldn’t process anything. The pain was too much.

You screamed in pain once again as you heard a loud siren. From the open bathroom, you could see red and white lights shining through the living room windows.

It was done. You failed. It will be okay, though. Hopefully.

[ezrisdax-archive]

a new standard

It takes a while for Michael to get used to Tilly. That's not necessarily a bad thing. (also here on ao3)

~~

Tilly- Syliva, or Syl if that’s what you want to call me as Tilly had insisted Michael call her – waved at her when she arrived in the mess hall.

 “Michael!” Tilly voice was far too loud and bright given the hour of the day and some of the other officers shot her confused or dirty looks but she didn’t seem to notice. “Over here.”

 Michael sighed to herself, getting her food and making her way to the table where Tilly sat. She supposed it was better than sitting alone, at least Tilly no longer viewed her as ‘the mutineer’. Now she seemed to be actively trying to include Michael to make up for her previous behaviour.

 “Did you sleep okay? I mean I slept okay, but then I know I might have been snoring and that might have been annoying and-”

 “Tilly.” Michael cut off another rambling bout. “I slept fine.”

 “Oh.” Tilly broke out in to another smile. “That’s good then. Do you know what you’re working on today, you’re coming back to the science lab right?”

 “That’s what I’ve been ordered to.” Michael agreed, taking a sip from her tea.

 “Do you like it there?” It seemed like no matter how short Michael’s answers were Tilly was determined to bring her in to the conversation.

 “I enjoy looking at scientific advancement.” Michael admitted. “I’m curious to know what’s out there.”

 “I thought that you were raised by Vulcans?” Tilly tilted her head and scrunched up her nose a little, it was almost cute. Michael hid a small smile by taking another sip of her tea at that. “I mean I know Vulcans love science but aren’t you not supposed to enjoy stuff? Oh no.” Tilly flushed suddenly, “That was insensitive, oh this is why I’m never going to be a first contact mission.” Tilly bemoaned, dropping her head.

 “It’s fine.” Michael assured her though secretly she thought Tilly might be right and not suited for a first contact mission. Her throat felt tight as she continued. “Captain Georgiou encouraged me to embrace some human aspects of exploration.” She didn’t mention that she was only really expressing it now in the wake of Philippa’s death.

 “You really admired her.” Tilly said quietly, fiddling idly with her fork. “I’m sorry.”

 Michael swallowed hard, “Thank you.” She replied quietly in kind. Tilly squirmed in the ensuing silence but didn’t say anything else, leaving Michael to her thoughts.

 ~~

 “You’re still here.” Tilly said somewhere behind Michael, sliding up beside her.

 “Since you’ve found me here, then logically yes I am.” Michael responded, not moving her gaze away from her screen.

 “C’mon.” Tilly yawned widely and Michael glanced at her from the corner of her eye. Her hair was back down in it’s many curls instead of up in a bun like usual and she was dressed in her pajamas.

 “Did you walk through the hallway like that?” Michael asked furrowing her brow and turning to face Tilly.

 Tilly glanced down and then her eyes widened. “Oh no. Oh no I did. Do you think anyone saw me?” She was beat red though the blue light cast by the screen turned her more purple. “I just woke up and you weren’t there and I got worried.” She glanced back at the door, biting her lip in worry and Michael could tell she was thinking if she ran into anyone while in the corridors.

 Michael shut down her screen and reached out to touch Tilly’s arm to get her attention. “Come on, I know a way back that shouldn’t have anybody around.” She’d learned it because she could tell she was making people uncomfortable and even the glares got tiring after a while.

 Tilly grabbed at her wrist as Michael led the way and babbled on about how she was glad that Michael knew where she was going and her vision at night was so poor. Michael mostly tuned it out, leading them back to their shared room.

 Once they were in she made move to go back out but Tilly stopped her with her hold still on Michael’s wrist. “You’re not going back are you?”

 “I still have work to do.” Michael said and tried to gently remove her wrist. She didn’t actually want to hurt Tilly after all.

 “You need some sleep.” Tilly said and raised her head stubbornly which only lasted for a second before she met Michael’s eyes. “Please?”

 Michael held in her sigh and nodded. “Very well.” She’d see if she could sneak out when Tilly was asleep again.

 Tilly beamed at her and let go of her wrist and Michael suddenly felt cold but knew logically it was just because of the sudden absence of warmth where it had been. She rubbed at her wrist anyway.

 “You know Michael I’m glad you’re my roommate.” Tilly said between another yawn as she slipped back under her covers. “It was pretty lonely in here.”

 Michael hesitated for a second. “I was…lonely as well.” She had been. It hurt to say but with the ostracization from the rest of it reminded her of her years on Vulcan never being accepted by her peers. On the Shenzhou Philippa had always been there as her friend and mentor. Discovery felt empty in that way.

 “Well now you’ve got me.” Tilly said and there wasn’t a hint of doubt in her voice. “Night Michael.” The lights overhead turned off at Tilly’s command and Michael laid on her bed, thinking.

 “Good night Tilly.” She said after a few minutes when she was sure that Tilly was still asleep anyway. It wasn’t Vulcan of her to admit her loneliness but it sure felt human.

 She took a deep breath, purging all emotions from her mind as she’d been taught as a child. The warm assurance that Tilly was there however remained. The snoring from the other side of the room helped with that.

 ~~

 The tricorder was long since broken and Michael’s right arm was burning with whatever acid had dripped on to it. Tilly was pressed against her other side with Michael’s left arm slung over her shoulder and was rambling on about how much trouble they were in.

 Michael wished, not for the first time, that she was a Vulcan so she could help calm Tilly down.

 “Breathe.” She murmured in Tilly’s ear instead and Tilly sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

 “Okay. Okay. What do we do?” Tilly still sounded worried but at least not as panicked as before.

 “We need to contact the others. We’ll have to set up a distress beacon. I can walk you through it.” With her right arm out of use currently she couldn’t do it.

 Tilly helped her get seated on a piece of rubble on the planet they’d landed on. They’d answered a distress beacon of their own only to find it was a trap for some kind of alien gladiatorial arena where they forced species to fight each other.

 Michael had bested whatever species had hurt her arm with it’s poison and Tilly had been quick to blow a hole in the arena with chemicals she found around them and gotten them out but they were still in trouble wandering the world aimlessly and no idea where their crewmates were.

 Tilly listened as Michael instructed her, every second it hurt to talk more and more and she had feeling the poison was spreading. She wanted to shut her eyes and just succumb to sleep to not feel the pain but she knew she had to stay awake.

 “You don’t look so good.” Tilly said once the beacon was set up and she’d rushed to Michael’s side again. “This isn’t good.” She had pushed up Michael’s sleeve and the poison was indeed running up her arm now. “It hurts doesn’t it?” She didn’t let Michael answer. “That’s a stupid question of course it does. I’m sorry I asked it. Is there…anything I can do?” Her eyes looked wet as she looked at Michael, close to tears.

 Michael gritted her teeth before she answered to steel herself from the pain. “We just have to wait until we’re answered.”

 Tilly hovered over her, fluttering between her and the beacon and looking more desperate as the minutes ticked by.

 Michael licked her lips, “Tilly-” She paused, “Syliva.”

 Tilly’s head shot up at her first name, her mouth dropped open in surprise.

 “If I don’t make it-” Michael began.

 “You’re going to!” Tilly blurted out before she could continue. “You’re going to and, and, I’ll bring you plomeek soup! And read you Alice in Wonderland while you’re stuck in medbay and um.” Tilly stopped, her shoulders falling. “You can’t die.”

 Michael laughed quietly, more a huff under her breath than anything else at the idea of Tilly annoying the other patients in medbay as she’d constantly visit Michael. She’d constantly be there and Michael knew it.

 Before she could answer though a ship’s light felt over them, wind whipping around them as the ship landed.

 “Looks like you’ll have to.” Michael said drily and Tilly wiped at her eyes to get rid of the tears though it did no good. She helped Michael get up and to the ship, staying right next to her the whole ride back even as medical poked at her.

 ~~

 True to her word Tilly was there every second she could be and they’d eventually kicked Michael out to recuperate in their room instead. She was off the duty roster for one week and it was making her feel twitchy but Tilly came back after the shift with padds of data for her to look at and stories of what they’d done that day.

 She sat on Michael’s bed, right next to Michael. The first time she’d done it Michael had shifted even closer to the wall and been somewhat annoyed. Now she pressed right against Tilly as they looked over the data.

 She was still scrolling through it as Tilly fell asleep on her bed and Michael knew she should wake her so Tilly could move to her own and not have to worry about possible rashes but a few minutes couldn’t hurt.

 Her right hand still hung at her side as she scrolled with her left and her fingers brushed by Tilly’s own, taking in the comforting warmth.

 ~~

 At some point they’d moved to Tilly’s bed over the course of the weeks so that when Tilly inevitably fell asleep all Michael would have to do was move over to her own. She usually still ended up staying there for a little while longer.

 Some nights Tilly’s head would drop on to her shoulder and Michael would stiffen for a second before allowing it.

She knew logically this wasn’t just what friends would do and she was staring too long at Tilly these days, noting the shape of her lips as she smiled and the flush in her cheeks as she laughed. Perhaps at some point something would come of it, she’d noticed Tilly staring more as well.

 If it did, she thought with her fingers entwined with Tilly’s as they’d gotten somewhere between the afternoon, she didn’t think she’d mind it at all.

[r-o-se]

BASICALLY 101 comments/thoughts/things on Produce 101 S2E2

So we are BACK TOPOFTHEMORNINGTOYALADDIES AND WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF p101 live commentary

1.      The kids are watching the last ep

2.      The first vote results, Bae Jinyoung first, Wang Minhyuk last. Poor kid. Stop naming kids Minhyuk theres 6 of them on the field already it’s like Michael in America lol

3.      Back to the evaluations

4.      Woojin goes up, Daniel is like ’He’s rly cute I hugged him already’ tbh everyone call him cute lol

5.      Does JB Baby, what a classic lol. Got a B and praised for his pronunciation

6.      Aaahahahah lmao he asked for water and has to choose between two judges. Chooses Cheetah and she looks blessed af

7.      Kid has problems with opening stickers lol

8.      YGk+ performance, everyone are shook about their legs

9.      Their performance isn’t that good though, poor dudes. One D, other three F

10.   Roll yet ANOTHER compilation of the hottest kids this season

11.   Yongbin aka the dude with a nose bridge straighter and higher than my will to live

12.   Dongsoo and Namhyung from S.How do an AMAZING self composed song, are cute and talented as fuck. Namhyung got an A and Dongsoo got a B. Cheetah loves them ME TOO ME TOO

13.   Compilation of rappers, the overall comment on teachers is ‘Cheetah is cute omg but Dunmill is scary’

14.   Editing: aw cheetah is cute now with longer hair

15.   Cheetah: does the snoop dogg dance yno the smoke weed everyday one

16.   ‘Boys are calmer’ no they are more desperate and scared of failure

17.   Jung Jungji prepared a SHITTON for EXO Growl, a bajillion vids of it. But sadly I guess his nerves got to him, he didn’t do well aaaaaaaaaaaand got an F. Stop fucking laughing at him. Most of the audience is dancing along though such an iconic song

18.   He looks dead inside but says “I’m glad because I made BoA laugh”

19.   HOTSHOT HOTSHOT HOTSHOT SUNGWOON TAEHYUN SUNGWOON TAEHYUN

20.   Do Block B Very Good, MURDER IT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE, AMAZING energy, everyone love it, first and only all company A rank

21.   Who am I fooling I actually watched their performance like 4 times before this on youtube just because of how much I love it the energy is so good

22.   Taehyun’s freestyle krump was on POINT tru kid monster right there. His expressions are soooooo good

23.   Now the kids are writing their future wishes or something like that to a huge whiteboard

24.   Kim Dongbin from kiwi ent looks sooooo nervous save that kid

25.   He’s doing chewing gum and stopped in the middle for some x reason?

26.   He stopped bc one of the judges pulled out his in-ear in a weird way and he thought that meant he needs to stop

27.   HES CRYING OUT OF NERVES RESCUE THAT POOR KID OMG

28.   Everyone are cheering for him  to continue THIS IS SO SWEET AAAHHHHHH EVEN JINWOO MOVED HIS HANDS AND CLAPPED

29.   And he finished his performance w a cute smile and………. got an F

30.   ’My level should be lower than F. I’m grateful for F’

31.   FNC Hwiseung comes out DOES SHINEE REPLAY GOT MY VOTE

32.   JELLY HEESEOK DOES CHAINED UP ALSO GOT MY VOTE

33.   Judges don’t like either and say both feel rushed… Hwiseung got a D and Heeseok got an F… damn

34.   Starship Sewoon and Kwanghyun come in, everyone get hype. One of them hates dancing and individ. trainee Jaehwan went to the same school as Sewoon. They Maroon 5 Sugar, everyone loves it

35.   Sewoon plays guitar and composes, everyone STILL loves it and for a very good reason

36.   BoA: So do u wanna be an idol or a singer?

        Sewoon: CEO

37.   Starship gets a double B

38.   RYTHM TA COVER, amazing vocals, acrobatics, taekwondo (is this the K-Tiger trainee?) basically just a compilation of the coolest kids this season

39.   Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Jang Moonbok clip again

40.   He’s doing BTS Boy In Luv and…. It isn’t too good poor dude

41.   Seriously Mnet’s son bc his singing isn’t good yet the only reactions they are showing from crowd are the most positive ones

42.   He got an F

43.   Brand New come up, roll clip of the absolute snake team San E and Jint ent company lol kids are cute tho

44.   Do a song composed by Daehwi, choreo made by Woojin that sounds eerily like a GOT7 Hard Carry  

45.   Daehwi's vocals are good but his range isn’t too high rip. One of the kids did a bboy pose thing on one hand. Someone in the crowd dabbed

46.   Daehwi and Woojin got an A, Youngmin and Donghyun got B’s

47.   End of the evaluation, 7 A rank trainees, 17 B rank, 21 C rank, 25 D rank and 31 F rank. Last season there was like….. 20 something A rank holy shit

48.   Revealing the high pitched as hell song and the difficult ass choreo

49.   The best can go to M Countdown with it, A gets center and the ult center gets a solo part

50.   The one who has an A rank is basically a god and the one who gets the center position is literally the definition of ’what’s a god to a non-believer’

51.   They’re moving in now and get their ugly colour coded sweaters lol

52.   F rank trying to cope ’I actually rly like gray clothes… Still want pink tho’

53.   Why is korea so obsessed with ages lol

54.   Sungwoon took like an air humidifier and candles and an electric mat and whatnot lmaoooo

55.   Goblin parody ensue. Some trainee, Yoo Jinwon looks just like male Eun Tak (The female lead of goblin)

56.   Group practice is soooooo unbalanced holy SHIT

57.   The song is so high pitched they are all dying inside

58.   JINWOO IS TALKING my dude…. In F rank…. Depressing

59.   Daehwi is a sad boy bc the entire B team belted out the high notes like no joke

60.   Two dance black holes make slow mo eye contact if im not incorrect its the Cube F rank and one of the YGk+ F ones with a haircut idk how to describe.. like… its black…  sure is black

61.   Within 10 minutes A rank fucking aces the dance as a whole, sure its not perfect but it looks GREAT

62.   F is a… Mess sighs. At least that’s how they’re portrayed. In group shots at least half of the kids can do the dance just GREAT but sure obvs mnet isnt gonna show them

63.   Daehwi has problems with the high notes poor lil kid

64.   Namhyun, Sungwoo and Sungwoon have no problems hitting it though

65.   I fucking hate this system because rappers need to excel in vocals too which is fucking unfair and they just humiliated BNM Woojin who cant reach the notes and the trainer is NO FUCKING HELP and doesn’t guide him or anything just looks at him judgingly just fuck off dude seriously

66.   Sungwoo is just like Sejeong, got everyone shook during first evaluation, sings like an angel and CAN actually dance but has small problems while adapting to the choreo

67.   Now to the D group training KAHI MY MOTHER

68.   Baekho has problems concentrating to the dance and they only show him obviously thanks Mnet for nothing like he is not the type of person for p101 hes literally the furthest away from the p101 type why did pledis force them there Im so fucking angry dude

69.   Another poor black hole cutie is Cube Guanlin ugh im so sad about him DON’T CRY

70.   But others are helping him which makes me happy thank god for that

71.   C group get compared to chicks and vitamin C lol

72.   The C group vocal trainer is pretty af and everyone are in love including me

73.   ‘Age is just a number’ BOI

74.   Bae Jinyoung keeps looking at the ground SHY BOY but he also messed up his singing poor kiddo

75.   B team has the same vocal coach as A and I think D has the same dude

76.   Honestly I fucking hate that dude he’s so rude to rapper kids and doesn’t even help him and Mnet tries to play it off like ‘haha tsundere’ but no he’s just an asshole

77.   One of the rappers does adlibs lol

78.   But everyone else are just in pain I fucking hate this system so much

79.   Woojin is a small baby but sings like gold

80.   AND D TEAM HAS THE SAME ASSHOLE COACH

81.   He picks out NU’EST right away ugh but MY DUDE REN DOES SO WELL

82.   RBW GUNHEE MY B O I HOLY HELL SINGS SO WELL WHYS HE IN D even the coach said he did the best out of the grades he coaches ( A B and D)

83.   That coach is so much nicer in D

84.   I take everything back he just fucking destroyed my baby Hyungseob I’m so fucking done with everything

85.   B team dance class que

86.   Kang Daniel feels a bit full of himself but tbh he is literally perfect at everything and has the dance clean already

87.   Kim Jaehwan has problems with dance this is like with Juna last season lol

88.   JAEHWAN IS PRACTICING ALONE AS THE LAST ONE THERE POOR KID

89.   The dorm clips, everyone are practicing

90.   Aaaaaaaaand now they’re doing the reevaluation filming

91.   B grade Kim Sangbin danced really well and even sang well even though hes a rapper and then dabbed lmao hope lost

92.   MY LIL JUSTIN KIDDO IS UP but holy shit his singing is really bad I’m sad

93.   Everyone are saying they are anticipating Minhyun to move up by a rank but his clip is awful I’m so fucking sad dude I don’t have any words to express my absolute misery he looks so beaten up and other trainees are trying to console him I’m so fucking sad

94.   Now it’s Baekho’s turn, he doesn’t do too well either but it def isn’t THAT bad and mnet is just trying to make NU’EST look bad because they aren’t showing JR’s clip even though he was good enough to move up to B grade

95.   The dude with the best singing voice, Gunhee, his singing voice broke rip

96.   Moonbok’s clip wasn’t good and everyone are sad bc he practiced a lot

97.   Kwon Hyunbin from YGk+ does really shit and I feel soooooooooooo sorry because he isn’t doing good and people aren’t vvoting for him either but it just won’t come out right and im SO SORRY FOR HIM AAAAAAAGHHHHHH and like YGk+ is a modelling company so he wont debut and then theres this kid Ha Minho who I like too and his rank is like what 94 rn hes gonna fucking die. I hate this show why is it so addicting

98.   Calls to family ft. a lot of tears from everyone but Jisung’s sister has the same sense of humor as Jisung does its gr8 why isn’t he in top 11 vote for him jesus fuck

99.   Judges are gonna watch the reevaluation things now time to Get Sad Bois

100.  Daehwi and Samuel get praised and JAEHWAN MY LIL BOY FIXED HIS DANCE IM SO PROUD

101.  Oh no now theyre gonna watch Minhyuns catastrophe clip I want to fucking die

102. Kahi said that Min gets pressured when competing with other people I’m so fucking sad my boy is so stable and talented if anyone wants good NU’EST lives just fucking hit me up he is sooooo high quality stop bullying him @mnet  @pledis

103. Why do they only show bad clips I’m so sad and the trainers all laugh at them this just… it’s so ugly leave the kids alone they are under such immense pressure with such a difficult song and choreo

104. Finally they are showing the good trainees I’m so glad give them that ATTENTION and MY KID HYUNGSEOB IS THERE WITH A PEACE SIGN

105. And to end it now they’re getting the reevaluation grades and a bunch of kids are moving up I’m glad but they aren’t showing anyone’s new grades

And now, also good  screencaps that didn’t make it into the top 9, some funny, some depressing, Also I’m ready to stab anyone who came up with the goddamn food and bathroom break ration they’re doing by rank like what is this u cant dance u cant eat?? well hello there stalin 

[lolsmurfaccounts]

Most Bizarre League of Legends Puns of 2018

When it comes to coming up with jokes and puns, League of Legends players cannot be outclassed by anyone. There are lots of different types of puns out there especially, so we have gone through the internet with a fine-toothed comb to find the most bizarre, the funniest and the best. These are definitely not the only puns out there for LOL. There are enough of them that you could fill up an entire series of encyclopedias and still need more room.

But these are definitely some of the best ones out there. We’ve also divided them up into eight different categories so that you can choose the ones that you like the best. Some of these are great, some of them are so bad they’re good, but they are all worth reading. Let’s get started.

When Forum Users Are Asked for League of Legends Puns

The first category that we’ve chosen is simply the one showcasing the responses that come when League of Legends players are asked to come up with puns. There are quite a few that have been bandied around the internet for a long time, but what is surprising is that many users are able to come up with some of the funniest puns out there right on the fly.

Part of that is being inspired by the post above you, but some of them are so truly original that all you can do is upvote the post and laugh to yourself. Here is exactly what happens when LOL players are asked to post their best puns in a forum.

I could tell you a zilean of them but I could not be bothered

I’m sure Ziggs would have a blast making some dynamite puns on this thread. Surprised this thread hasn’t exploded with more replies!

Jarvan puns would be Exemplar-y.

Urgot to be kidding me, these jokes are Tibbersable. Half of them are Ireliavent.

C’MON post more!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t want to have posted this thread in vayne.

I don’t Evelyn know what to post…

Dat Ashe

Need to post it in my new twitcher account

My brain Ziggs and Zaggs trying to think of more. I’ve come to think that coming up with a good one is just Lux. Post more pl0x!

Well i think im pretty VIKTORious when thinking up lol puns

Fizz decided to take mid-lane for the halibut.

Yall can follow this horrible thread to your graves

Knock knock. Udyr?

Volibear: Hmm… You might be expecting some un-bear-able pun. I’m going to tear the enemy apart with my bear hands!

Karma is a *****.

Wow let me Ashe you guys a question; what kind of twist of fate put us all here ? Is there Annie answer for that question?

Go Diana fire.

If I post in this thread while in my car, does it could as texting while Draven?

Oh, god why Zyra want to communicate with me using a thornmail im gonna leaf her alone

Kayle yourself.Go Diana hole.This thread isnt really Nasus ary.

We Kennen this right now.

I managed to get away with it though, so at least my efforts weren’t in Vayne.

Alright, this is getting Downright Darius, so I’m gonna leave. (Your leaver status has risen to 1)

The Chinese was A.K.A. Li.

An enemy has been sWain.

Viktor-y.

Gankplank.

Masteryies.

Jokes? I got a Zilean of them!

Urgot to be kidding me!

Annieways, let’s start!

Hey, Anniebody home?

Could i ashe you a question?

TIME to win the Euro Zileans!

Stupid people! They are Phreaking me out, man!

Sivir me Tibbers!

You ** Ashe hole!

I wish you good Lux.

This will work, i Garen-tee!

That TANK will RAMM-US!

This left me SIVIRly disappointed.

Well, that was a nice Twist of Fate.

Annie is pretty hot.

Ashe is cool, but Kayle is divine.

Irelia don’t know what you’re talking about…

Pfft, Lee sin to reason.

Ryze and shine.

Your digging your own Graves.

Udyr challenge me?

Seems like bad Miss Fortune to me.

Dont get Corki.

Cho´gath! Eat my Fizz.

I Garen-tee that you will lose.

All hail the glorious Chairman Maokai.

Man i miss-clicked becouse of thar Twitch.

Maan, you could hear that Ziggsplosion from miles.

I-realy need a nerf mor my W.

Want to get out of elo hell? You gotta Ryze to the occasion.

how do you Darius that computer when I’m not home?

Sona we are doing these puns again…

Vi must stop with the puns!

Long-Form League Puns

Most of the puns out there are really short one-liners. But then we came across people that really must have thought about the puns that they were going to create and then worked to turn all of the puns that they came up with into a coherent paragraph. That was extremely impressive, and it took a great deal of work, so we thought that they deserved their own category.

That’s why we have listed these long-form puns below, so that you can appreciate them in all of their glory – as well as their corniness – by themselves. These are truly the best of the long-form puns. Whoever came up with these should be proud of their work, and if you search for them, you will be able to find the original posts yourself.

Okay… Are you guys for ez-real? This has been done to death, and I Garen-tee that Annie of the puns Urgot have already been used. I mean, there’s a Zilean possibilities, and I’m not just triforcing to get a Ryze out of you, I’m being sincere. Stop with the puns. They’re lane.

This is really lane. Some of you champs needs to Ryze to the occasion. Anivia would have thought this thread would be reborn again. Seriously Brolafs? I feel like I’m going to go berserk if I don’t see some more puns here. I never Everlynn would have thought my hate would have spiked towards you guys like this. It just makes me twitch. I think I’m done with this post, before my endless rage ignited again, I need someone to come stand united with me. I think we’re all on the same team fights here. Bye!!!

But on the other hand, I asked my girlfriend and she said Shyvana keep on making up LoL puns. She thinks they’re a Riot. I swear, she has a Renekton of them. Speaking of my girl, she’s more of just a friend. Our parents just tried to Rammus together. (She’s a Phreak sometimes though, if you know what i mean) But i still Twitch when i think of her in Amumu. Enough of her though. That was irrEvelynnt.

I accidentally Draven to an old lady crossing the street today. But killing is a BIG Nunu, so THERE’s some bad Karma for you. I was scared so i took the body to a river (I didn’t want her to Ryze from the dead)

I Garentee these puns are not funny, I heard a Zilean of them but I always Zed they aren’t funny, in fact, it Lux like they are Aatroxiously not funny. They are Anniething but new, so atleast please make Brand new funny jokes or Elise people will downvote you

LOL Puns So Bad They’re Good

While compiling the puns for this article, we came across lots of bad ones. Some were just bad so they were chucked out, while others were so bad that we couldn’t bear to discard them. They are like some old horror movies – they are so awful, so terribly bad that they are actually good. It is a fine line when something surpasses that mark, but just take a look at these and see if you don’t agree that they need their own cult following.

These so-bad-they-are-good puns are going to make you groan, but you will also remember them later and hopefully, if we have done our job well, they will elicit a chuckle, even against your own better judgment.

I hate Vladimir, he really sucks…

i wouldnt mind these threads if the puns were at least thresh.

OMG that pentakill was Kata-strophic!

I told you not to steal that blue from our AP carry, and now you got killed, it was all bad Karma.

What’s the holdup? Why Ahri waiting?

I ain’t ‘Cho b***h!

Annie’d blue!

Put on some pants. I can see your Ashe.

They need to rename Brand to “Bland”…

Elise you get an assist..

Sometimes I wish this game Ezreal

All this hype is turning out to Fizz!

He needs a Graves because I just destroyed him!

Irelia think this is a bad idea.

Top Ten League of Legends Puns

Okay, so there had to be a best of category. There are a lot of puns out there, and it is really difficult to narrow the thousands that we went through to find the best. However, these are the top ten of the League of Legends puns that we could find on the internet.

You may not agree that these are the best ever (and it is quite possible that there are many that we failed to unearth in our research) but you will almost certainly agree that they are among the best and that they deserve their own category here.

These are the top League of Legends puns, which encompass the really clever, the original and the simply so-true-they-are-funny categories. Let’s take a look at the top ten.

Malphite is once stoned again.

If you’re going to put a blind person in charge of your lottery like Lee Sin you’re going to Miss Fortune.

Teemo and Cho’Gath walk into a bar.. only one of them got hit.

Q: What do you call a Bronze team with Dr. Mundo, Nurse Akali, Surgeon Shen, Kennen M.D., and Soraka? A: Doctors Without Borders.

They should make a League of Legends Broadway show about “Playing Under No Sight” (PUNS). It’d be a play on wards.

If Quinn kills Lucian, is it a hate crime or is it fowl play?

A guy playing top lane, hit 7/7/7; announced in all chat he’d hit the jaxpot.

If I ever achieve 0/0/7 on a support, I steal the next kill. If I get called out on it, I respond ‘license to kill’.

U Vlad bro?

Example of OP Shaco: JAX in the box.

Hilarious Puns from LOL

Sometimes, puns just make you laugh out loud. This is a highly subjective matter, because what is funny (or punny) to one person, might not be to another. So, these might not be as hilarious for you as they were for us. But if you can relate to them, then we’ll bet that they are going to make you laugh out loud as well. Sometimes, the most hilarious ones were the ones that you least expected, and that’s part of what is included here.

But sometimes, it was originality, or a twist on an old pun that was extremely clever. In any case, they are all terrific puns that deserve to be showcased. There aren’t very many of them, because most of the best ones from this category were placed into the top ten instead. Enjoy the few that are here though because they are great too.

Teammate intercepts Caitlyn’s ult right before it hits you, your reaction: “TANK you!”

Undead scientist: SION-tist.

So, there I was eating chicken and Ryze. But it was disgusting, so i threw it in the Thresh.

LOL Puns Straight from the Champion’s Mouth

What about puns that come straight from the champion’s mouths themselves? We found a few of those and they were really funny. They might have been just as funny if someone had else been saying them as well, but the fact that you could imagine your champion saying them was what really distinguished them from the pack. With some champions, you know their personalities so well that you simply can imagine them saying such a terribly funny thing or making a terrific pun.

The creators of these puns knew those champions as well as you and us do, and that’s why we have put them into their own category. These puns are all straight from the mouth of the champion that they are about or are referring to in some way.

Ryze: “Take this scroll and stick it… somewhere safe”

Karthus talking with Anivia: “Do you… feel a chill?”

The mighty Ymir once said: “2 Mushrooms sit in a closet. One tells the other: “There’s not mushroom in here”

Master Yi: “Wuju pass me that potion?”

Rammus: “OK.”

Vayne: “Evil Lux around every corner.”

LeBlanc: “Lux can be deceiving.”

Zilean: “Your TIME has come.”

Garen: “Shut up, we’re losing TIME now….”

Do you even Rift bro? -Kassadin

League Puns in Terrible Taste

Okay, so the fact is, there are some League of Legends jokes out there that are really in terrible taste. For example, there is a joke about Americans not being very good at LOL because they cannot defend their towers. That joke is still unfunny to most Americans so we have not showcased it here. We have also decided to skip the ones that glorify awful things like rape. You might be surprised how many of the puns out there in terrible taste that we simply decided to skip.

But there are also puns that are in terrible taste that are still pretty funny. We think that those puns deserve to be recognized, but that they should come with a warning label so that everyone knows what to expect before they read them. That’s why they have been placed here into their own category.

If you’re swapping main champions; never go from Ashe to Malph.

Why does no one like Annie lategame? Because she’s 18.

Q: What do you call a toxic Thresh that just whiffed his ult? A: A dick in The Box.

Q & A League of Legend Punnery

Finally, we have a category of puns that are sort of Q and A jokes. Most of the good Q & A jokes we came across were included in another chapter of this book. So, we didn’t find very many that were worth including here in this category. However, there were a few and they definitely deserve to be recognized for their originality and hilarity.

These are not usually classified as puns, since they are mostly in joke format, but the pun was there in each of them. Let’s take a look at some of the Q & A puns that we found.

Q: How do you know Alistar is dyslexic?

A: He always goes oom!

What do you do to a toxic Zyra? Repot them.

Q: What do you say when you unintentionally outplay your opponent as Zyra?

A: All plant.

Q: How long does it take to save up enough money for Locket?

A: Aegis

Q: What is the Undead Juggernaut’s religion?

A: Siontology

Q: What do you call it when renekton rushes a chain vest?

A: An In-vest-igator!