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cloveroctobers · 4 years ago

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LEVEL 1 — Perception

A/n: to make things easier due to my hectic work schedule...I’m deciding on writing blurbs or short fics for right now, to get content out in a timely manner. I’m open to writing pairings but I notice those don’t get that much attention but I’m attempting to do so anyways...at least at the start of this series which is absolutely inspired by we’re not really strangers. I love the game, it’s very personal and intense so if you have the chance, get it if you’re open to connecting with the people you care about in a passionate way. I’ve also decided to make the characters a little bit older...college wise/around the actors ages based on these questions lol even tho these teens are already dramatic + have a lot going on.

Synopsis: a interviewer that Spencer is very familiar with, Rochelle Mosley has resurfaced to complete her senior year project at Claremont as a journalist. Rochelle is all about going big and never going home, so the first person on her list is one of the guy’s that intrigued her the most not so long ago. So she reached out to Thee Spencer James and to put the word out to anyone else that might be interested. And here we are!

::: S. James + O. Baker ::: All to me

Rochelle is seen running her finger over her pearly whites, making sure they’re squeaky clean after eating her brunch which consisted of a poached egg, an açaí bowl, served with lemon water. She already spent twenty minutes brushing her teeth and whitening them last night to prepare for this moment. She knew this idea would guarantee her nothing but a A+. She had friends from the film department around helping her with the equipment and due to this Panasonic it made things chaotic opposed to having this interview face to face.

Rochelle knew that she could have at least met with Spencer for his half but decided to do what he was comfortable with. She wouldn’t push any boundaries...yet. Regardless it would have to be a video call since Olivia attended MassArt and appeared that she would not be coming back to California any time soon, according to her insta stories that is.

Nonetheless Rochelle knew how to negotiate so here she was working on their terms. With a sigh, she straightened out her posture, fixed the waves in her hair, reapplied some matte lipstick—again, glanced around her to make sure she liked her set up and eyed her friends to make sure they were doing what they were getting paid for, and plastered on a commercial smile as she connected the video call waiting on her two guests.

It only took a minute for Spencer’s face to pop in.

“Spencer!” Rochelle greeted which he replied with slight raised brows and a smile at her volume, “so glad you can be here and punctual at that.”

Spencer answered, “well you know, if I agreed to be something I don’t want to waste anybody’s time ya know?”

“Always the wise one aren’t you?” Rochelle commented before continuing on, “how are things? How is UCLA?”

“I really like it here, uh. I’m almost done with my sophomore year, but with the way things are looking right now? Might have to switch to remote this spring semester...we’re all basically on standby at the moment. It’s crazy times but we gon’ get through it, I know it.” Spencer chatted with ease.

Rochelle was multitasking looking to the side at her phone to keep track of time. Olivia Baker was five minutes late now, which was slowly working Rochelle’s nerves. The girl had her number and although they didn’t talk much through texts or through anything really, it was common courtesy to let someone know if you were going to be late or couldn’t make it.

“Yes! We have to keep a optimistic attitude as best as we can. I hope you’re being safe out there?” Rochelle met Spencer’s eyes, after silently debating if she should send Miss. Olivia a text.

Spencer dipped his head, “absolutely. And yourself?”

“Oh yes, honey. This thing is ruining lives unexpectedly but it’s insane to me that people believe this isn’t real. It’s the denial for me. Especially here in California! Then when they catch it, it’s suddenly a different tune. Sure the numbers might be a little questionable but not too much is a lie. Read the facts, do the research. But—

Olivia showed up. Eight minutes later...

Rochelle forced a smile, “Olivia Baker! How nice of you to join us.”

“I know, I know. I’m super late and I’m sure you don’t want to hear the excuses so let’s just dive right into this social experiment project thing you have going on. Sorry by the way.” Olivia rambled which Spencer chuckled at.

Olivia paused, “hey, Spencer.”

“Hey, Liv.”

Rochelle picked up on the chemistry or tension or whatever you want to name it. It was all still there and oh so fresh. She knew this would be good and knew they had to be the first on her list. Sure Rochelle maybe a year or two older than these two but she also had friends that were younger and gossipers like her so she always had the inside scoop when she needed it. So yes, she knew all about spelivia.

“How’s Boston?” Rochelle asked politely, breaking the two’s stare contest.

Olivia inhaled, “it’s better than California, that’s for sure. It feels like I’m getting a fresh new start and it’s just what I needed.”

“Yeah i see you’re at your best there. You seem to be thriving.”

“well yeah, because it’s new. Sometimes you need to get away, I mean I’ve been in California for eighteen years of my life. I always knew I wanted to be somewhere else...don’t get me wrong, California is still very much my home.”

Nice save there, Olivia.

Rochelle clasped her hands together with a wide smile after a small silence filled the air after Olivia’s statement.

“Moving right along, I’ve sent the both of you a series of questions that you both should have received correct?”

Spencer pulled the padded envelope from the side and waved it in front of camera. Rochelle smiled at how organized this guy was and shifted her glance to Olivia who widened her doe brown eyes.

“Ah, yeah I’ve got that. It should be around here somewhere? Hopefully. If it’s not then it’s definitely in the car.” Olivia pointed.

Rochelle sighed, “very well. Please proceed on retrieving the envelope, it’s crucial to this interview.”

Olivia scooted back from the desk and held up a finger as she disappeared from the screen. Rochelle turned back to the brown boy who was toying with the tan object.

“Have you read any of the questions, Spencer James?”

“I really haven’t had the time to, no.”

“Great!” Rochelle quipped, “this will make this experience truly authentic.”

Spencer thought about what was said, wondering where this would get him. He understood what Rochelle informed him in the email and she answered all of his questions. He knew this wouldn’t strictly be about him and Olivia since he invited his friends along for the ride as well.

“Please open the envelope as we wait on Olivia. BUT only read the first question on the first card, we don’t want you to get too far ahead of yourself since that wouldn’t be fair to Olivia.” Rochelle instructed while Spencer took a small inhale before doing so.

Spencer read over the card, his eyes flying over the words as he read them pretty quickly. He hummed at that which Rochelle began to question him on but Olivia announced her presence.

“I’ve got it!” She let out in a sang-song voice.

“Olivia, please open the envelope but only read your first card’s question. Spencer has already done so while we were waiting for you,” Rochelle instructed before turning back to the sophomore, “Spencer, whenever you’re ready please read the question and answer.”

How would the person closest to you describe you in three words?

Olivia halted as she pulled out her own card as Spencer showed the card while reading it from the side.

“I’d think they would say I’m...compassionate, hardworking, and...loving?” Spencer announced, taking his time on thinking that over.

It was Rochelle’s turn to hum as she asked, “Do you agree with his choices, Olivia?”

Olivia was confused. “W-what?”

“Would you say Spencer is: compassionate, hardworking, and loving?”

Olivia quickly recovered, “we don’t know if Spencer is referring to me on that question.”

“Spencer, when answering this question who are you saying is the closet person to you?”

“I—uh—I consider a handful of people that are close to me.” Spencer expressed, “but I’d be lying if I didn’t say Olivia isn’t the first person that came to mind. Even though there’s a shift right now in our...relationship due to the distance—among other things...we’re still the closest and that speaks for itself.”

Rochelle gave a smug smile as she looked at Olivia who opened and closed her mouth. Before Rochelle could encourage Olivia to read her question, she already went forth after clearing her throat a few times.

What reality show do you think I’m most likely to binge watch? Explain.

Olivia peered up at Spencer.

“Oh? I’m supposed to answer this about her now? Aight. Lemme see...i don’t know you seem to find a lot of free time to watch things...maybe it’s a film major thing? Months ago you were watching ‘I love New York, then you told me you and Simone were watching ‘Love is Blind’ or—

“It was actually ‘married at first sight’.” Olivia cut in.

Spencer widened his eyes and pointed at the screen with a small laugh, “that makes sense.”

“Why?” Rochelle wanted to know.

Spencer’s answer was firm, “that’s not our business to tell.”

Rochelle scribbled a quick note on that, ruling these two out on that question to ask later. She made sure to circle Simone’s name and put a question mark next to it.

“To answer your previous question,” Spencer redirected the interview back, “since a lot of these were love reality shows...I know that’s not the only genre you watch and you listen to a lot of podcasts. So I’m gonna say this show called, ‘alone.’”

Olivia blinked.

Rochelle waved her hands as she signaled for one of her friends to find the show on the laptop they were on, “have you watched this show, Spencer? And please elaborate on why you chose this show for Olivia?”

“No I haven’t. I only saw the trailer for it randomly when I was on YouTube watching lebron’s greatest moments clips.” Spencer replied earning a snort from Olivia and a eye-roll from Rochelle, “I picked that show because Liv feels that way, always. Like she’s never been seen before, truly seen. And this show tests these guys to survive on their own in the wilderness, putting not only their bodies but their minds through a lot. It’s mainly about survival that much I gained from the trailer. Liv’s always been a loner for as long as I’ve known her and feels that’s how she knows how to survive by doing it all on her own when she doesn’t have to. I see that and I understood that from my first day at Beverly.”

...

#all american #spelivia #Spencer James #Olivia Baker #all american cw #spencer x olivia

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inarichi · 6 years ago

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Short Story Challenge

Prompt: (Photo)

(a/n: hey guys! this was a challenge made by @life-n0t-knife aka. Lulu and the limit was 1k words. mines is a bit more than 1k words. oops xD but that’s okay. hope you like it! ^^)

In Reach.

Everyone moves in a haze of joy, their eyes sparkling with happiness while running towards the championship team. Kyungsoo’s eyes travel aimlessly until he finds his favorite hockey player standing gleefully in front of a mic and camera. He sits bemused by the faint chuckle that leaves Jongin’s lips and sure enough what follows is a scratch behind his head with the squinting of his eyes. Rose colored blush tiptoes along Jongin’s cheek as he nods in a subtle bow, his standard reactions after being highly complimented.

Kyungsoo sighs his relief through worried lips that soon turns into a faint smile. Seeing Jongin flustered eases his mind and allows him to laugh for just a moment. It’s nothing like his best friend to shy away from attention however, he doesn’t take it well either. There are many quirks and mannerisms Jongin does and Kyungsoo knows what every single one means.

His fingers begin dancing on their own, inspiration fluttering around inside his thoughts. With his notepad snug in his palm, he writes his article for their college newspaper about their win for the night. He notes how the hockey team nearly won and who scored the final few points. How their hardwork and dedication allowed them to win tonight but truly, he wants to write about Jongin.

Not a day passes by when he doesn’t want the world to know of his best friend’s talent. That Jongin deserves nothing less than a grand stage to stand on while he spectates and writes praises about him because that is what Kyungsoo does best. Words are his lifeline yet verbal usage of them slips far and between the stutters that muster every time he speaks. And in the array of darkness that once was his bullying and mocking came a searing beam of light in the form of a loving smile from the person he’s liked for almost a decade.

Having met Jongin has changed his life and if he could share that with the world, it would be a dream come true.

“Kyungsoo?” Come Jongin’s third try as his hand reaches out to place a soft palm onto Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

The journalist looks up, eyes falling onto his favorite person before a wide smile breaks from his lips. “J-jongin, g-g-great, g-g-game!” He yells before his gaze settles down onto the paper as crimson swarms his cheeks. He stuttered much more than normal there but his excitement couldn’t be contained.

“Thank you.” Jongin says with a chuckle and takes an empty seat beside him. “What are you writing this time?”

“An a-article a-bout you.” Kyungsoo flashes him a subtle grin which Jongin returns with one of his own.

“Make sure to say nothing but great things.” He leans closer attempting to catch a glimpse of Kyungsoo’s notes.

“O-of course!” He shies away a few inches because having Jongin so close is not good for his heart.

“Don’t you have any questions for me? Since this article is about me after all.” Jongin winks, playful and teasing. It’s the type of wink that makes Kyungsoo’s heart jump and his mind drown but he remains afloat, hanging onto this precious friendship with everything he has.

“N-no questions...I k-know everything a-about you, J-jongin.” He shakes his head.

“Oh yeah?’ Jongin’s eyebrows arch, a mischievous glint in his gaze as his lips form a smirk. “I doubt that.”

Kyungsoo knows him. No one knows Jongin as much as he does. So he takes the hockey player up on his challenge. “T-then a-ask me a-anything.” He straightens his back, confidence spiraling throughout his limbs in an attempt to look unperturbed by Jongin's claim.

“My favorite colors?” Jongin smiles.

“Red and b-black.”

“That was an easy one...What about other sports I have played?”

He places his notepad on his lap and begins counting on his fingers. “B-basketball...s-soccer...f-football...a-a-a-and hockey.” There’s a pause while he glances at Jongin, then a light bulb flashes. “A-and t-track!”

“Almost got you there.” Jongin chuckles. “You have good memory. I did track back in middle school. It’s been too long.” He sighs. “Do you know why I haven’t dated anyone since high school?”

Oh no. How could he ever know that. It has always seemed odd that Jongin, who was sought after by numerous people never dated. Many people questioned Jongin in the past, but their questions were left unanswered and Jongin would move the conversation to another topic.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know. He takes pride in knowing everything about his friend, but this is something he’s wondered himself but lacked the courage to ask. Words have always failed him, but even moreso when it comes to this man who he’s loved with all of his heart. It’s difficult to express himself in fear that everything could blow up in flames. So he lies to himself over and over, trying desperately to rid these feelings but they fail to go away. His heart betrays him time and time again, what could he do?

“I...d-dont k-know.” He lowers his head, tightness swelling in his chest.

Jongin’s eyes soften and his warm palm lands gently onto Kyungsoo’s thigh. “Should I tell you why?” Kyungsoo’s head sinks lower as he weakly nods. Jongin squeezes his thigh lightly. “It’s because there’s already someone that I love. Would you guess who that could be?”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen as his head snaps up to find chestnut eyes staring into his. His throat runs dry with eyes on the brim of tears but he holds firm before his unrequited love and prays he doesn’t notice.

“I...I—”

“Well, this person…” Jongin continues but Kyungsoo doesn’t want to know, he doesn’t want to hear who Jongin loves. He squints his eyes in an attempt to make everything a dream, a hallucination that’s different from reality. But it’s all for naught as his mind ushers him back to the present when damp but comforting fingers brush along his chin. Jongin lifts Kyungsoo’s head, causing their eyes to meet and he wouldn’t dare look away. “He’s clumsy, smart, caring and very very attentive.” Jongin chuckles and Kyungsoo feels the familiar tug of tears gathering in his ducts. “He followed me to college, lets me copy his homework and even when I’m being a brat, he’s always there for me, listening to all my troubles.” The tears are falling now, every one of them rolling down plush rosey cheeks as he comes to notice just who this person is. “He’s someone I can’t imagine living without. And most of all, he has the most adorable stutter I have ever heard.”

Kyungsoo chokes up. His eyes possibly swollen but none of that bothers him because having his love returned meant more than anything.

“I wanted to confess after we won. I promised myself I would.” Jongin’s hand reaches up to wipe the tears from Kyungsoo’s face, brushing them as they come, ever flowing and light. “So what do you say? Would you be the boyfriend of this coward who couldn’t confess for years now?” Jongin dips his head a smidge to allow Kyungsoo to look into his gaze. But the journalist can’t seem to open his eyes in fear that this couldn’t be true.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin’s worrisome tone prompts him to nod furiously, and then that searing smile which could compete with a thousand suns shines at him. He nods, and nods, and nods a bit more until Jongin is laughing loud and hearty, his eyes brimming as well.

Kyungsoo is at a loss for words, but that has never mattered anyway. Words have always failed him and this situation is no different. However, because he has Jongin, there’s no need to speak, he’ll let his heart talk instead, for the rest of his life and into eternity.

#kaisoo #kai #jongin #kyungsoo #kaisoo fanfic #short story challenge #timed prompt #mine oneshot #kadi #dika #ksn

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eyecache · 4 years ago

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K. Muthukumar’s Letter

Below is a four-page statement by K. Muthukumar (1982-2009) in protest against governmental inaction in the Sri Lankan Tamil war-genocide, before his self-immolation. Translation originally from TamilNet.

Dear hardworking Tamil people...

Va'nakkam! I am sorry at having to meet you at this juncture when you are hurrying to work. But there is no other option. My name is Muthukumar. I am a journalist and an assistant director. Right now, I am working in a Chennai-based newspaper. I am also one like you. I am just another average person who has been reading newspapers and websites of how fellow Tamils are daily being killed, and like you I am unable to eat, unable to sleep, unable to sleep and unable to even think. While his ancient land of Tamils lets anyone coming here, like the Seths, to flourish, our own blood, the Tamils in Eelam are dying. When we lend our voices to say the killings should be stopped, Indian imperialism maintains a stony silence and does not give out any reply. If India's war is really a justifiable one, they can wage it openly... Why should they do it stealthily?

The Indian ruling class is eager to annihilate a very large population by using the hollow excuse of Rajiv Gandhi's assassination in order to satisfy the vengeful and selfish goals of a few individuals. The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam were not the only ones charged with the murder of Rajiv Gandhi. The Jain Commission Report held that the people of Tamil Nadu were also guilty of this murder. If so, are you also the murderers who killed Rajiv Gandhi?

They say the British killed people in Jallianwallahbagh, but what are they doing in Mullaiththeevu and Vanni? Look at the children being killed there. Aren't you reminded of your children? Look at the women being raped? Don't you have a sister in that age? When Rajiv Gandhi was killed why where frontline leaders of the Congress not with him? Why did Jayalalithaa, an alliance partner, not go to take part in such a massive rally that Rajiv took part in? Such questions are not being raised, and they are not being answered by them either. People, please think. Are they your leaders? What is the guarantee that these people--who indulge in politics through their money and muscle power--will not target us tomorrow? If they turn against tomorrow, who will be on our side?

Kalaignar [Karunanidhi]? Even at that point of time, he will make an announcement that the members of parliament will resign. Then, he will understand (?!) the Central Government. Then, he will once again request for a right decision, and pass a resolution in the Legislative Assembly--like actor Vadivel's comedy in the film Winner where he claims that no one has touched him until a particular month, a particular week, a particular time. People! A paper will not achieve anything! Now, the Election-time Tamil Kalaignar, who wants to be the leader of the worldwide Tamils and who desires to transfer all the money in Tamil Nadu to the coffers of his family, has hidden himself in the hospital afraid of bearing the brunt of people's anger. This paper tiger staged such major fights in order to get the required cabinet portfolios for his ministers, but truthfully, what has he done for Tamil or for the Tamils? He has himself admitted once, "Will the honey-gatherer remain without licking the back of his hand?" If we look at his puppet-shows, it looks as if he has done a lot of licking...

Law college students who have entered the field through your hunger strike...

As a fellow Tamil, I wish you all success. I also regret that I am unable to join you. Not only the Eelam Tamils problem, but even the protests seeking water for Cauvery, any protest in support of Tamil Nadu, you, and lawyers, are the first ones to fight. Even this time, only these two sections were the first to voice their protest even four months back. I have a suspicion that only in order to destroy your Tamil feeling, the Indian intelligence would have systematically instigated caste-feelings among you and paved the way for the skirmish that occured at Ambedkar law college. It is the caste of students that takes the initiative in people's revolutionary struggles all over the world. Likewise, even in Tamil Nadu, an earlier generation of students in similar circumstances took to the streets before the Indian repulic day and chased away national parties, including the Congress from the Tamil land.

So, an historically important juncture has again reached your hands. Normally, such things don't take place in world history. Like it happened last time, don't let selfish people steal the fruits of your labour. The DMK that came to power riding high on the efforts of your struggle, first made a law that students should not take part in politics. After capturing power, it blunted Tamil feelings, and turned the entire Tamil population into a petitioning tribe. Smash that tradition. Don't believe anybody who asks you to submit a petition. This is the juncture when we should burn the differences of caste and religion between us. Throw away your fasting and enter the field. In reality, the Indian military's role in Sri Lanka is not just against the Tamils. It is against all Indians. They tried the sexual techniques they learnt from Sinhalese soldiers with innocent Assamese women! They learnt the strategies of how to crush the Tamil Tigers from the Sinhalese and they applied it to crush the fighters in the north-eastern states! As if this were not enough, what do we learn from the fact that the Indian and Sri Lankan peacekeeping forces were deported from Haiti because of sexual misdemeanour? That the India-Sri Lanka alliance is not an ideological alliance, but a sexual one! So, because the alliance between the Indian and Sri Lankan armies is against the fundamental human rights of the Indian people, try to rally students and democratic organizations towards your cause on a national level.

It is possible for people to do all this. However, they lack the right leadership. Make leaders from among yourselves. Change this protest from law college students, to students of all colleges. Let your frenzy and people's fury change the history of Tamil Nadu. Thrash and throw away muscle power, money power and power craze. This is possible only by you. "We are Tamil students, we are the life of Tamil Nadu. If Tamils are allowed peace, we will read magazines. Otherwise, we will surge like volacanoes." Convert these lines of poet Kasi Anandan into your intellectual weapon. The police force will try to lay my body to rest. Don't allow them to do that. Capture my dead body, don't bury it, and use it as a trump card to sharpen your struggle. Students of the Tamil Nadu medical colleges who will treat me, or conduct my post-mortem, I should have done some virtuous deed to be cut at your hands. Because, while upper-caste medical students in the rest of India were fighting against reservation, you were standing alone and fighting in support of reservation in medical education. What you do to me can remain aside. What are you going to do for our brothers, the Eelam Tamils, from your side?

Tamil Eelam is not the need of Tamil Eelam alone, it is the need of Tamil Nadu also. Because of the fishermen of Rameswaram. There are laws in the world to protect goats and cows.

But, are the Tamils of Rameswaram and the Tamils of Eelam lower than cows and goats? The Indian media carries on a systematic campaign that Tamil fishermen who cross [maritime] boundaries are attacked because of the suspicion that they might be Tamil Tigers. Don't they ever read newspapers? Often, Taiwanese fishermen are arrested at Chennai because they lost their way at sea. If it is possible for people from Taiwan, which is thousands of kilometers away to lose their way, can't they believe the fact that the Tamil fisherman from Rameswaram, which is just 12 miles away from Lanka strays away from his route?

Brothers of other states who are living in Tamil Nadu...

You will have known from experience that Tamil Nadu is the only state where you can enjoy greater peace and protection when compared even with your home-state. Today, we are facing a major crisis. Our government is killing our brothers in Eelam by using our name, our Indian identity. The Indian government wants us to be isolated in this struggle. We don't want that to happen. So, please tell the Central Government that you too support our brothers who are fighting. It is my opinion that this will not only strengthen the hands of your leaders who are part of the Government at the Center, but is will also prevent the danger of a Navnirman Sena, or a Sena from being formed within Tamil Nadu in the future.

Youth belonging to the Tamil Nadu Police Force...

I have great respect for you. Irrespective of what other people did for the sake of Tamil, you are making Tamil live by using Tamil words in everyday contexts, such as calling employees as 'ayya'. I believe that you would have joined the police force with noble intentions of serving the people and weeding out anti-social elements. But, does the ruling class allow you to do that? By allowing you to commit minor mistakes, the ruling class hides its major crimes. It converts you into its trained henchmen, and makes you fight against the same people whom you wanted to serve. It is the Tamil Nadu police who guard Delhi's Tihar Jail. One of the oldest police forces in India, the Tamil Nadu police is one of the very best. But, are you given that respect by the Indian government? When Union Minister Chidambaram returned to New Delhi following his Chennai visit, Central Government security agencies have refused to handover his security arrangements at the Chennai airport to you. When asked why, they have derided your capabilities and said that they are aware of how you protected Rajiv Gandhi. While it is true that the Tamil Nadu police could not save the life of Rajiv Gandhi, it is equally true that the majority of those who died with him were only innocent policemen. Your dedication is unquestionable. But it was later exposed that this Indian intelligence had been careless even after coming to know that there were threats to Rajiv's life... Even if you have been against innocent people all this while, you are one of the pride of Tamil Nadu. At this historical juncture, only if you stand on the side of the people, you can regain the respect that you have lost among the people. Just once try to dedicate yourself to the fellow Tamils. They will carry you in golden plates. The feeling of gratitude among Tamil people is immeasurable. Because somebody spent his own money and built a dam, the Tamils on the Mullai river in Madurai built a temple and name their children after that man. All that you have to do is, when Tamil Nadu is boiling, you should refuse to cooperate with the Central Government officials, and you should reveal to the Tamil people who are the ones working for R.A.W and CBI. Do at least this. The people will take care of the rest.

People of Tamil Eelam, and Liberation Tigers....

All eyes are now in the direction of Mullaiththeevu. Tamil Nadu is also emotionally only on your side. It also wants to do something else. But what can we do? We don't have a true leader like you have... Please don't leave hope. Such a leader will emerge from Tamil Nadu only in such desperate times. Until then, strengthen the hands of the Tigers. Because the 1965 anti-Hindi agitation was placed in the hands of a few selfish people, the history of Tamil Nadu has been dragged to the stone ages. Please don't do that mistake.

Dear International Community, and our hope Obama...

We still have hope on you. But, there is no guarantee that a sovereign republic will not torture its people through ethnic discrimination. It is possible to cite instances from America's own history. After all, boxing hero Muhammed Ali said, "The little white in my community would have come only through rape..." As long as you remain silent, India will never open its mouth. Perhaps India may break its silence after all the Tamils have been killed. Until then, are you going to keep looking at India's mouth? They say that the war in Vanni is against the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam. They say that the Tigers are using the people as a human shield. If that is true, why do they come into the safety zone declared by the Government and kill people? This one evidence is enough that irrespective of whether the Tamil people are dependent on the Tigers or on the Government, they are going to be killed for the sole reason that they are Tamils. Is this not genocide? If India, Pakistan and China are supplying arms, Japan is giving economic aid, and moreover India is bullying Sri Lanka and thus killing Tamils, why don't you realize that you are also committing the same murder by your silence and your blindness? Nobody becomes a terrorist simply by taking up arms. Our Thiruvalluvar has said: Arathirke anbucar penpa ariyaar / marathirkum akthe thunai (The ignorant say that affection is appropriate only to righteousness, but it will also inspire heroism to be restrained).

Jayalalitha says that the Tigers should lay down arms--as though the problem arose because the Tigers took up arms. In reality, the Tigers were formed because of the genocide of Tamils in Eelam, and they are not the reason for it. They are not the reason, just an outcome.

As long as Indian Government's involvement was not exposed, it kept saying that this problem was an internal affair and that India could not interfere. It also said that it was aiding Sri Lanka in order to prevent China, Pakistan and America from gaining supremacy in Sri Lanka. Yet, to kill Tamils, it joins hands with Pakistan that has killed scores of Indians and was responsible for the attack on the Indian Parliament, the serial-blasts in Mumbai and the recent strikes in Mumbai. If that is so, we suspect that Pakistan's terrorism in India is a mutually agreed-upon concept created by both sides in order to exploit and squander their respective citizens. Now, they say that the LTTE is a terrorist organization, hence the war. It says they killed Rajiv Gandhi. Rajiv Gandhi is not a councillor or a district secretary. When a Sinhalese attempted to kill him in Sri Lanka, he was not interrogated. One of my demands is that the Sinhalese soldier who tried to kill him earlier must also be included in the list of the accused and he must be interrogated again. The Tigers might have been sad with Rajiv, but they wouldn't have been angry with him. Because Rajiv was Indira's son. Indira, is next to MGR among the small gods who populate Tamil Eelam.

It has been clearly exposed that India is opposed to justice form the fact that it often changes the explanations that it offers. In such a situation, Sri Lanka said, Why don't you directly interfere, the Tigers are making use of the ceasefire to stock up weapons. Chandrika, or Ranil, or Mahinda were not gods in the past, they have not even behaved as human beings. Just because they agreed to the ceasefire in view of their compulsions, how could it be argued that the fighters should lay down their arms, or that they should not involve themselves in reconstruction activies. Only by bringing about the faith and confidence that you will behave honestly and truthfully, you can make the fighters lay down their weapons. No government in the past has honoured their promises. For instance, Ranil-Karuna. But the Tigers have not used the ceasefire to simply acquire weapons, but they have created a governmental administrative structure. Is this terrorism in the eyes of the world? India is trying to ingratiate itself by saying that it is fighting in order to save the innocent Tamils. Only sophisticated weaponry and spy planes from India are going to Sri Lanka; can they show a single paracetomol tablet that has gone from India? In such a state, they want us to believe that the Sri Lankan government will provide all the amenities for the people of Eelam, and that India will support this endeavour.

Now, they are attacking the ambulance of the International Commitee of Red Cross, are they also Tamil Tigers? They killed 17 aid workers from France, were they Tamil Tigers? China's tanks, India's spy planes, Pakistan's artillery... not only these kill our people, but the silence of the International Community also kills them. When will you realize this--after a people who greatly desire justice are totally wiped away from the face of the earth? If you are interested in adding us to the list of Aborigines, Maya and Inca peoples, each day one of us will come in front of you and kill ourselves, as it comes in one of our myths.... Please leave our sisters and our children alone. We are unable to bear this. We are fighting with the sole hope that one day we will watch them laugh whole-heartedly. Even if we accept for the sake of rhetoric that the LTTE should be punished, we must realize that both India and Sri Lanka lack the moral ground to hand out any punishment.

Justice derailed is worse than justice denied.

The International Community must condemn India and force it to immediately withdraw its troops from Sri Lanka, and be prevented from helping Sri Lanka through satellites and radars. Even unimportant discussions between the Governments of India and Sri Lanka should take place through the International Community. India should publicly apologize before the people of Tamil Nadu and the people of Tamil Eelam scattered across the world.

Because the UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon is always functioning with a bias towards his homeland China, he must not be given the power to take any decision regarding Eelam.

All the countries who have banned the LTTE based on the request from Sri Lanka should immediately revoke the ban and unconditionally release all those who have been arrested because they belong to the LTTE.

Members of the LTTE should be forgiven for their passport related mistakes, and they should be immediately released.

The industries which have been banned based on the allegation that they are connected to the Tigers, should be given the licenses once again, and they should also be adequately compensated.

Rajiv Gandhi's murder should be investigated by the InterPol and the real guilty must be exposed.

Pranab Mukherjee, Gotabhaya Rajapakse, Chandrika, Udayanakkara, Kekaliya Rambukawela, Basil Rajapakse, Mahinda and Fonseka should be subjected to narco-analysis.

While the International Community shall have the right to recognize Tamil Eelam which is going to be formed, only the people of Tamil Eelam shall have the right to decide under whose leadership it should be formed.

When the Tigers were weakened militarily, the Upcountry Tamils were targetted, and it is feared that in the future that area might be subjected to a major genocidal pogrom. So, a referendum must be conducted among the Upcountry Tamils to know whether they want to join Tamil Eelam. In this matter, the decision of the Upcountry Tamils shall be final.

Douglas Devananda, who was punished by the courts for firing at innocent Tamil people in Chennai under the influence of alcohol escaped to Sri Lanka before the period of imprisonment was completed. He must therefore be arrested and handed over to the Tamil Nadu police.

Everyone responsible for the murder of journalist Lasanta should be punished.

The Sinhalese journalists who have sought refuge in Tamil Nadu must be given adequate protection.

The Sinhalese couple who came as refugees to Tamil Nadu must be recognized as refugees, and the charges of passport-doctoring against them must be dropped.

The livelihood of families of Tamil fishermen shot dead should be secured.

With eternal love,

Your brother against injustice,

Ku. Muthukumar, Kolathur, Chennai 99.

Dear Tamil people, in the struggle against injustice our brothers and children have taken up the weapon of the intellect. I have used the weapon of life. You use the weapon of photocopying. Yes, make copies of this pamphlet and distribute it to your friends, relatives, and students and ensure that this support for this struggle becomes greater. Nan'ri.

#tamil #history #tamil nadu #sri lanka #india #protest

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woundsymends-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Hard to Break | Hyungwon Imagine

I know what you told me I know that it's all over

7.5K words

Keywords: Break Up, Boyfriend, Disease, Hyungwon, Monsta X

"Lower your pinky…"

"Like this?"

"Yeah, and now your middle finger. It's the opposite of what you did before"

"I get it"

"Now, try to separate your indexes"

Y/N followed his rules and her fingers went to opposite directions without any problem.

"Okay, now, try to separate your ring fingers" He gave her a deeper look as if that order was the most important thing of their lives.

She tried unsuccessfully, something seemed to keep her ring fingers glued to each other. She gave him a gaze of confusion, and when she saw him trying to suppress a smile she got what he was doing.

"You knew it! What is this about?" She asked in an amused tone.

"These fingers represent your partner" he grabbed the fingers named before "... And they can't separate 'cause you're destined to last with them till the end" playing with her finger he added: "That's why the ring goes here".

She stared at him incredulously for a while, then, she burst in laugh. "Since when do you believe in these things? You're spending too much time with this cheesy friend of your"

"Him? No" he laughed "Hey I'm a reasonable and realistic man but, sometimes it’s nice to play to the magic and fantasy tales" jumping over her after finishing the sentence, he started a war of tickles.

Reasonable, yes, indeed he was. She has learned that during three years of relationship. Instead, she was more fanciful, believer of many unrealistic things he politely accepted, because he loved her.

Moreover, he was also hardworking and focused, and despite the short time he had to share, he was very caring, loving and dedicated to her. So the least she could do for him was paying back. How could she ask him to stay during this progressive hell she was going through? That would be very egoistic from her.

She always considered herself clumsy, and since she met him, he has always taken care of her. "Y/N be careful where you step" "Sweetie, when you turn, please beware of the column" "Where are you going, beautiful? Is the other way". Now, she was kinda glad of knowing why sometimes stuff disappeared in front of her eyes and then magically appeared right away, and no… It wasn't a product of paranormal activities. Little by little, she was going blind. The thing she couldn't find out now was when would she get to the complete point of seeing nothing but her memories embodied in her head. But if in her hands was, she wouldn't be another burden for Hyungwon, that's not what he deserved.

[2 Days Later]

Hyungwon couldn't take his phone until the end of the practice, and the practice was never ended before perfecting the choreography. He threw himself on the floor, thankful as the room was made for impacts from dancing. The other guys were, identically, exhausted. But a subtle feeling of brotherhood and pride were smelling from their sweaty bodies. The choreography was perfect. Or the closest of perfect they could approach having slept 5 hours in two days.

The choreographer tried to convince Shownu of reuniting all the members for a final check-up, but they could barely stand straight.

Hyungwon was the weakest of them, and after all this paragraph (which take some second to be read), his eyes were already drooling to a deep nap.

His last thought before slipping to sleep was Y/N... and then he was gone.

"Hyungwon slept." Kihyun laughed, and then also slipped to the ground. "Do we have anything scheduled for tomorrow?"

The manager looked at his phone and nodded. The main vocalist sighed. He wanted a day just to sleep.

"MBC Radio and then a small meeting with journalists about the comeback."

"We should sleep like Hyungwon. He knows better." Changkyun laid comfortably in Shownu's leg. "He even has a girlfriend"

"Don't talk about these things in the practice room" Kihyun censured him.

"I'm not the one dating." Changkyun shrugged but ended the chatting.

The truth is that even they knew Hyungwon had a girlfriend, they never met her, they never saw any picture of her and the only proof of the relationship was her voice when Hyungwon was calling her. And the way he *scaring* would change meanwhile. The members knew only two very opposites Hyungwon: the real one, always serious and impatient; and the monbebe's one, funny and kind of cute.

The Hyungwon of Miss Girlfriend was a nightmare.

"Hyungwon... Hyungwon, wake up... Hyung-"

"Shit! Can't you let me sleep?!" The boy murmured, pushing the person trying to wake him up. But when he noticed the voice was Y/N, he immediately sat and looked at her.

He was still in the practice room, and his members were surrounding him, smiling. After making sure he wasn't dreaming, he did the only reasonable thing.

"Why are you here, baby... It's the first time you visit the company..." his tone was smooth and he saw when Kihyun turned to Minhyuk to laugh at it. They could die on their single butts, Hyungwon didn't care.

"I just needed to talk with you" Y/N opened a beautiful smile, and he felt his energy increasing. Oh, she was sunlight in this rainy and sweaty practice room... Jesus, the place was smelling so bad!

"Let's find a private place..." he stood up and held her hand. The members shivered as snakes.

"Maybe... maybe I should be short" Y/N pushed her hands off him.

"Oh-oh" Hyungwon heard the youngest reactions and turned tempestuously angry with him. The eye contact was enough to send Changkyun to the seventh hell.

"Let's let them alone" Shownu finally took the lead and all the guys went out of the room, ears still glued to the door.

Hyungwon smiled at his loved girlfriend, but she didn't return the smile.

Something was really wrong.

"Y/N? Is there anything wrong between us?"

"Actually, yes." The woman of his life said, cold as ice.

"I... I'm sorry, baby... I don't know what's wrong but I'm very sorry"

She pouted, obviously, it wasn't the truth what she was telling. He could see on the way she behaved. He knew her entirely.

"You don't know... I see three days without answering my messages is not as upsetting for you as it is for me." And this was another lie, he noticed.

"Are you mad at me? I'm sorry. I really wished I could use my phone, but the manager still didn't return it to me"

And she was annoyed by his honest response, he saw.

"Moreover, I'm tired of being let by the side every time you have a comeback. It's almost every month, and after that, you have promotions and overseas concerts, and... so many things to do! We barely have time together."

It was true, but this wasn't reason enough for Y/N. They had talked about his career many times, and she was always very supportive. He didn't believe she would change from water to wine so fast.

"Baby, why are you telling all these lies? I don't believe you cause I know you" he tickled her cheek, and she couldn't handle holding a naughty smirk. His heart relieved as calming waters after a party of thunders, but no rain.

"Hum... Nothing" and she decided it could be later. Breaking with him could be later. After building good arguments to justify her decision. It was the only way of making Hyungwon accept.

And he was right: he knew her too well.

***

Y/N was leaving, the guys were still in the hall, trying to listen to the conversation. When she appeared for the door, they uncomfortably tried to act normal as if they weren't listening to the whole time. She lip smiled, bowed and politely said goodbye to them, as her boy taught her.

The boys just bowed and waved at her until she disappeared in the corner of the hall. Then, he went back to the practice room again pushing one to another. When Hyungwon saw them entering, he stayed still, looking at them unexpressive and probably wanting to kill himself inside because he knew what they were about to say and, who will say it.

"Your girl is so pretty and hot!" the youngest spoke, then he cleared his throat to sound more serious "With respect."

"Why does she even likes you?" Minhyuk startled.

Fuss and loudly speaking flooded the room, but the wisest one shush everyone to say: "But the most important, why did she say all those things to you?" yes, the main vocal who has blessed ears heard her failed attempt to leave him unwarrantedly.

Hyungwon kept his hard expression and then just shrugged. "I barely know, it's really weird, I can't tell… And even less having 5 hours of sleep on me and such noisy and annoying friends"

Changkyun snorted "Someone's really sensitive today…" Jooheon hit his arm and he silently whined: "What did she even say?"

Everyone else looked at him and Kihyun repeatedly.

"She tried to convince me she's upset because we don't spend enough time together" he finally answered.

The fuss started all over again, but another voice shushed this time.

"If she said such things like that, something must be happening" the lisp guy raised his voice "You need to get time to find out what's going on" after his words everyone agreed.

"That's funny, where do I pull it out from? Right now is the tightest time of our schedules"

"In two days, after morning check-up of vocals and choreography, we have most of the afternoon and part of the evening free…" Jooheon commented.

"Dress well, get some flowers and fix things up, we'll make the possible in our hands to finish everything early" Wonho comforted while putting his hand on his shoulder, and then everyone nodded.

Fix things up . What was he supposed to fix? He didn't know, but certainly, it wasn't that "time" excuse she gave him, he was freaking sure it wasn't that as of her love for her. But indeed, he was scared to what he might find; she came for the first time to act complain about those things but ended giving up on it since it wasn't the truth, but something was actually bothering her, he knew, but didn't have even the smallest idea about it. He finally just smiled to his bros and them all wrapped in a hug until the coldest ones got annoyed and separated.

Meanwhile, Y/N was laying on her bed, face down, pillow on the back of her head and the sheets shivering with her screams inside the mattress. When she lifted her head felt the face all numbed, the tears had puffed her eyes and she panicked touching her eyes frenetically.

"I got blind already!" She shouted, and in her mind the prominent thought "And I couldn't break up with Hyungwon before it"

Later, more calmed, she realized she was recovering the sight and in her mind finally fitted the things as they were, she wasn't blind yet but puffy, and she couldn't break up with Hyungwon but… making him break up with her. Yes, it could be a way, find somehow a situation he couldn't stand anymore and get away from her, but which one?

Hyungwon was a wise man who knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it, even if he seemed scattered and uninterested, that's how he got her. And she knew they were together because the situation was favorable, she lived near, hasn't a work that demanded too many time and she didn't really care if he had a short time to share, 'cause when they were together, the quality of the time worth more than anything on her boring life; and the best part of all, he loved her truly. But his first focus was his goals, and if the situation did not work for him… He might accept her to step away, not disturbing his plans. She really believed that for all the good things in the world, he wouldn't leave his dream for her and that comforted her to find an option.

She basically was creating a lie for not to end in the same situation she was making. Having a blind girlfriend would be also disturbing, and the worst will affect the quality of time they may share. But she felt more comfortable about it being a lie, than being the actual truth and making him feel sorry for her to then finally leave her.

Blind. She was going blind.

Y/N looked at the white thin sheets and the pretty flowery painting on the wall. She decorated this apartment to feel comfortable and minimalist, as she was choosing to live life - without impacting the environment and the planet. But now she would change all these choices just to enjoy more neon lights, more golden furniture. More everything she would miss when blind.

And,- most of everything -, she opened her phone’s gallery and searched for their pictures together. Hyungwon had an amazing look. He was all the beauty she ever met in a man, he was handsome and his features were just like his inside: gentle, lovely, bold. She was sentenced to never see him again.

She would never know how her older face would be. How would be her children? If she finds another love, less worthy than Hyungwon to break up. Someone she wouldn’t mind being a problem for. Another love, to realize all the dreams she had made for Hyungwon. God, she was going to miss every detail from her future memories. How is it to evoke moments when you don’t know how they were? How to remember people and new things happening in the world? How she would live alone, until being used to the darkness?

When her sight stubbornly refused to return, she would have a glimpse of what would be being blind. And it was a nightmare. Darkness, and no shapes, no contours, nothing to be guided. Just the dark immensity.

Those moments were the worst of her life. And it would become her future.

Y/N was about to start crying again when Hyungwon’s call lighted up the phone screen.

“Hi, baby” he spoke, as soon as she accepted the calling. “Are you good? I was thinking we could go to date on next Wednesday.”

“You’ll be free this day?”

“Not actually the whole day, but in the afternoon. I thought we could cook that recipe you were reading yesterday…”

“Another inside date…” Y/N sounded tired, and she was, but not of the dates. Not of him. She was tired of it… controlling her feelings when all her life would end in the next months. Slowly, as the doctor said. Slowly losing the world around.

“Do you want to go somewhere?”

“No…” she sighed, and, again, it sounded as she was really, really tired. “I just thought we had too many inside dates. To tell you the truth, we never went to any actual date. I don’t even know if I am your girlfriend or your inside-girlfriend.”

“I’m not doing this because I want, baby.” Hyungwon tried to think in a good and smart thing to say, but he felt like Y/N would refuse all his attempts of fixing things up.”I love you, you know it”

“I know” now, it was a matter of how much strength she still had saved to no cry. “I know”

“And you won’t say you love me too?”

She shouldn’t say it if they were going to break up. But Y/N had no underlined plane, and she didn’t know if he would take this confession to use as an argument against their break up.

“No”

“...Baby?”

“I’m sorry, Hyungwon. I’m confused.”

“Sorry?” he moved to the side, making weird sounds on the phone. “You are sorry?”

“I know this is horrible to say on the phone, but I think I don’t love you anymore”

“I know it is a lie, Y/N.”

“It’s not a lie, and you are convincing yourself of it because you can’t accept I’m not in love with you anymore. But this is the truth. I want to live my life, but I don’t want to break your heart, so, please… I don’t even know what am I saying… Shit…”

“I will come soon”

“No. No, you need to practice and do your schedule. I won’t let you come.”

“I am asking for a day off. Mr. Kim? Can I take the rest of the day to solve personal matters?” his voice was far from the speaker, and Y/N knew he wasn’t faking it. She started sobbing. “It’s a family matter, Mr. Kim. Uh? Oh, okay. Yes, I will. Thank you, Mr. Kim.” he heavily breathed before going back to the speaker “Y/N?, I’m going home. Stay there. We will discuss anything that is bothering you, okay?”

“...Mm”

“I love you, okay?”

“...”

Hyungwon ended the calling before he started to get desperate.

***

She was embracing her legs close to her chest, tearing and looking at the door. It passed more than twenty minutes already, she knew it wouldn't take that long for him to arrive. It was ridiculous to hide, he has the key of the department and will turn it upside down to find her, and go out and get lost would also be a stupid idea, since he would wait patiently till she came back- that she had, in some moment -, so… She just decided to stay still and wait to face her fears.

The door knocked once and her heart gave a skip she thought it would come out of her chest shooting.

"Y/N it's me" she didn't answer, once 'cause she was freeze in fear and then, 'cause she thought he may think she was out and go away "... I don't have the keys with me, please open the door"

He started knocking harder and she panicked, as she bites her knee trying to not make any sound or whisper.

"I know you're there, c'mon! Please, please open the door..!"

She was strong in her will to keep silent to convince him she wasn't there, but the clumsy side of her was left exposed when her phone started ringing. It was him…

"See? Stop playing like this, if you don't open the door I will think something happened to you and I'll knock it down. So please, open the door Y/N!"

"No!" She yelled and trembled while doing it.

"Ok, I won't knock it, just gently open it then…"

"I said no, that I won't open it…"

At this point she was stepping backward in the facing her fears thing, she wasn't brave, and her heart was aching during that situation. She felt like she was about to lose her breath, she couldn't, she couldn't, it was the most hurting thing for her.

"Why not? Y/N, please… We can fix whatever this is, but if you don't tell me I can't understand anything" his voice sounded broke, that squeezed her heart in a way she couldn't stand, so she went to the door, without saying a thing, with her hands shaking and sweating.

When she was close to the door he kept calling her name over and over, she grabbed the handle of the door but didn't open it. "We can't fix anything…"

"If that's true, then open the door"

She doubted a few seconds but then heavily breathed and took her braveness from the haul, turning the handle and exposing Hyungwon on the other side of the threshold.

Y/N stepped back, till almost half of her living room, he didn't move on his side; he believed shortening the space wouldn't help, but facing her to get her to say all that she was hiding from him.

"I love you, you are the most important that I had in the past three years. For the sake of God, what is happening?"

Without raising her sight to his eyes she spoke: "What happens is… that you can't accept I want to leave you, I don't want to see you anymore" words that will probably come true in a couple of months.

"Repeat it with your head up, and your eyes on mine" he firmly responded, his lower lip trembling.

She cursed inside on the actions he was asking, she cursed at him because he knew her better than herself, whose she also cursed for being extremely stupid at the point of couldn't make a good act for breaking up with him and finally… she cursed at the day she met the most wonderful man of the entire world, the one who was there just asking for the least he deserved: the truth. At that moment she realized, she was trying to pay him back all the good stuff he did for her since day one, but with the price of lies… It was very coward of her. But even though she was about to confess, she wouldn't accept a no from him and beg him to continue his life happily, without her.

She raised her head, crystal on her eyes, fragmented heart about to break in million pieces. His image was right in front of her, but feet away, standing, with expecting eyes, and suddenly… Suddenly, he was, gone! He faded away in front of her eyes, like a mirage disappearing. She felt like falling, was all of it a lie on her mind?. She wished it was, but as he magically disappeared, then clearly appeared. It was her eyes again, making her existence miserable. Right at that moment, her emotions were on top and she couldn't contain anymore, she collapsed and went straight to the floor with her eyes made on a sea. "This is what I didn't want, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this" she repeated a couple of times more.

At the same moment she fell, he ran at her side, holding her and the finally asked: "What is happening Y/N? Are you OK? Baby please, tell me"

Y/N wanted to answer him let her in the floor, - disgusted -, but she knew it was an impossible task. Hyungwon just wrapped his arms under her ribs and carried her to the couch, gently lowering her down. His right hand was holding her head still on his shoulder, and his left hand cared the low of her back, making his embrace being so comfortable and safe. She felt her body and this told her what was happening, but ahead of her sight, there were only lights and shadows, too confusing mixed to her tears to make any sense. Y/N was afraid of even trying to find his face and don't be able to.

The sobbing took her breath away and let her silently catching air to the lugs. It hurt her chest, physically.

Suddenly, her vision darkened, as Hyungwon was bending down to kiss her cheek and forehead, but for Y/N this was the darkness she hated consuming the rest of her mind.

"Y/N!" He avoided a fist in his nose "Y/N!" Hyungwon held her wrists, which fought the air that she needed in her lungs at the moment. He wanted to dissipate all those tears, stop her panic and be the refuge for all her suffering, but wasn't he causing all of these? His girlfriend's despaired screams were the ugliest thing he ever sensed with his body and hearing it made him wonder roughly what on Earth was happening to her. Not because she was annoying, but because he should stop this pain.

Non-stopping, he also rumbled the impossible, untruthful stuff, as she thinking he was cheating or her grannies' death. But everything sounded unreal. He realized this was the woman he'd marry, and nothing was too much for her or him to handle.

She hated him, so she was crying. But it wouldn't be difficult if she has no feelings for him. Hyunwon would never believe that, but *it was a possibility*.

When he came closer, she screamed. Hysterically. No, this wasn't his girlfriend's behavior. She was facing something never experienced for him and her, this was clear.

"Baby, I love you" he whispered and kept holding her tight, doesn't allowing even small movements. When she calmed down, many hours had passed and it was dark outside. Hyungwon did not move. Not even to turn on the lights, they stayed in the evening's last sunlight until Y/N stretched her neck, finally feeling tired of the position.

"I love you," he said again, as he kept saying every couple of seconds. Although Hyungwon wanted to express this love effectively, he had nothing more than words.

Kissing her lips, he slipped into her breath, and caring her wet face with his gentle nose, continuing her features, climbing her forehead and went down to one more kiss. Y/N stuck unmoved, her eyes were closed and she looked asleep.

"You're the most beautiful being existing" Hyungwon swore by his life.

It was impossible to be kissed by him and don't want more. When Y/N bent herself to look for him, her boyfriend didn't wait to give her more of his affection. Their parted lips turned into a passionate confession and at this time it was objectionable to say she didn't want him.

With all her heart.

"You can tell me everything" he tried again, now with one hand on her hip and the other on her scalp, bending Y/N on the couch until he was over her and they cuddled in a heated exhausted sleep.

When Hyungwon woke up, he was fondly laid in her breasts.

He drew a circle with his finger and line with his inner lower lip, getting up to her face again. Y/N stared at him. No, she stared at the roof.

Like a dead body.

"Baby" he called, and she moved the pupils lower, but not focused on him. "Baby... are you... are you getting blind?"

Y/N rapidly got free of his embrace, standing up and heavily breathing. Those words were the worst thing he could have ever asked to her, now she had nowhere to run or escape, and with the attitude, she was holding probably he was guessing what he supposed was true.

"Baby, answer me" he gently asked.

"Don't call me baby, please?" she said closing her eyes son hard, wishing this time, she was the one who disappeared.

"This is hurting me too, I can't understand anything. I just know you're hurt but you don't say anything." He jumped from the couch to the switch of the light and turned it on "Y/N, look at me"

She kept her eyes closed while turning to were she supposed he was but refused to open her eyes. If she did and not see him, she would freak out even worst.

"Open your eyes, Y/N! Please" he demanded, this time his voice sounded really serious, as he never in the life spoke to her. She feared. But, slightly started to open her eyes, trying to hold all of her sensitiveness. "Since when are you like this with your sight? Why didn't you told me? I have warned you too many times, if you don't take care of your sight you will get blind…" he scolded her, in a caring way, as he always did, because he was a good boyfriend "Anyways, this is not the main subject now, so please; let's speak about what's bothering and hurting you"

"We are talking about now" she limited to say, felling her eyes get wet in tears again. He didn't catch it at first, so he stayed looking at her till she started crying again and he fell, harder than he would in concrete falling from the window of the department, so he went and wrapped her, one more time.

"Baby, it has a solution, you just need to go to the ophthalmologist and get the…"

"No" she cut his words "You just don't understand. I already went to the ophthalmologist"

"Then?"

"I am getting blind for real" she pushed him away "No return, Hyungwon. It is not like when you go overseas to accomplish your schedule and come back. This is a disease, and there's no cure or way to stop it, maybe retard it. But I'm not going to be" she bit her lip and contained her tears "the same girlfriend that you had before, not anymore"

"Listen" he tried to grab her but she avoided his hands, he desisted of the idea to continue his speech "We will find a way, ok? We will retard it the most we can till we can find something more, I bet scientists are working in a cure, and I'll pay whatever I have to pay for you to have the best treatment for this. But this is not a good reason to break up."

He said exactly what she didn't want to hear because it made her love him till the bones but also hate him for just not moving on.

"I'm not going to allow myself to ask you such stuff like that" she started and he babbled trying to interrupt her but she spoke loudly "You just need to go away and keep on with your life! Don't you get it? This is a disease, with no cure, you deserve a happier life with a good woman, not the burden of a blind girl."

"Are you hearing what you're saying? Y/N, it is ridiculous! My life won't continue if it is without you" he stepped forward, not giving time for her to think, and grabbed her head with his hands to immobilize and stick his face to hers "I LOVE YOU, don't you understand that?"

She started sobbing and crying more, Jesus, she never knew when she'll get dry. "I love you too, idiot! But that's why" she managed to get free of him again, but he was walking in her direction while she tried to escape "I can't be so selfish to get you in this. Do you know? I wish, I wish" he was getting closer, she knew he was about to kiss her to shut her up but she just screamed "I WISH I HAD NEVER MET YOU!" and he freezes.

"I'm sorry you feel this way." Hyungwon was irreparably heartbroken. Nothing more would hurt him more than her honesty and wish of never had met him. And knew this wasn't because of what he did, but for what he felt for him. And he felt the same way. "I wish I had never fallen in love with you, too"

"So... so..." Y/N got the poison to herself. She *needed* him to wish it but didn't want to hear it from his lips. This was the end of eternal love? Knowing you love someone so much you just can't stand having this person in your life?

"But _I am in love with you_ and even in the worst scenario, I just can't leave you. I wish I could since this will be difficult for you and me. Everything will change. I'll have to make so many sacrifices that it's easier to just get out of your mess. But I can't, you're idiot, I CAN'T!"

She stared at the light, the clearest point of the room, and slowly a blurred picture appeared. It was the photo of their first travel to China, standing right next to their first travel to Japan, and the first dating anniversary. Hyungwon turned on the lampshade, a soft yellowish lamp, and not the chandelier, which light was aggressively white and bright.

He knew it would help her...? I don't know... His hand danced near to her ear and Y/N turned to him immediately. He wasn't so close, but his height was still a surprise, following his shadow, beautifully spilled over her. He was the most handsome man she ever saw. And her wish would come true: he was going to be *the only most* handsome men she would ever see. Y/N searched for articles, blogs and anything related to taking care of a blind person, and she found out that many other matters were in-game. Not just her physical health, but also her emotional and mental; it was different from people born blind to people not born blind; there were couples whose lives were dramatic books she cried while reading, and thought "I can't make him pass through all of this". But, what shivered her spine and made her close the notebook instantly, was a girl sitting in her father's car. She wasn't blind, she was deaf, but at this point, everything was important for Y/N. The girl started crying to her dad and said: "Dad, I can't remember your voice". Independently of what could happen to her, Y/N knew Hyungwon's face was always making her day better. When she unlocked her phone screen when she looked to their portraits decorating the whole apartment when he was sleeping on her lap. His face had all peace and beauty she learned to appreciate. And every day she was feeling more and more convinced he was perfect. But what if one day she tried to evoke his face and... it just doesn't appear...? What if she forgets his face?!

Wasn't it important?

And blind people usually got squint, by having no orientation, and some even lost part of their eyes globes for uselessness. She was no beauty, and the consequences in her appearance would just make people around Hyungwon feel sorry for him. And he would think she was becoming old too fast...! What if pus starts slipping her eyelids? He would feel disgusted.

"Give me the chance of supporting you and taking care of you" he rubbed her cheek and cleaned one lonely tear falling in it.

"You've always said I'm a child and you need to take care of me constantly." Y/N was so emotional by the return of her normal sight that she didn't feel the touch as a caring act.

"Oh, c'mon, you're not stupid! You know you're an incredible woman, in your job, and with everyone around you. You came to this country with nothing and now you're being promoted month after month in your company...! You're responsible, smart and witty. And you're pretty funnier than me..." he smiled, as the touch suddenly became heat and slow. His fingers were dancing in her angles. "You're my little and special woman, and only I am allowed to call you child 'cus I love you."

"You're making this just to avoid me"

"The last thing I want right now is to avoid you. Y/N, I won't go out of this apartment until I'm sure you're mine and nothing in the world will make you sad. Nothing. Please, be happy always. I know this will be difficult, I can't even imagine myself losing something like my health, but I am with you, and if you are with me too... I think I'd be able to overcome anything. Would you agree in leaving me if I lost my legs and I can't dance anymore? Or if I lose my right hand, would you feel disgusted by holding a stump while entering the church for our wedding?"

The way his nails were subtly scratching her cheekbone, under her eye, and all the way from her forehead to her chin, made Y/N sigh in delight. She loved this touch, he was to only one able to express his affection in such a pure and deep way. She could clearly see how much he adored her and being adored by him was heaven.

"Hyungwon..."

"I'll be always here for you, I promise."

Y/N smiled.

"I'm sorry, Hyungwon."

"You don't have to..." he went to wrap her once again but she avoided, he breathed deeply.

"No"

"What no?"

Y/N swallowed hard before the words she was about to say "I couldn't grab your hand if you lose it, I couldn't give walks with you if you don't have a leg, and you *can't* make a blind person see the things clear. At least, losing a member doesn't mean you don't know what you're doing. I don't know what I've been doing my whole life, I'm an idiot, you said it yourself…" at that moment Hyungwon looked away "Imagine being twice as an idiot when blind"

"Y/N, you know I don't think that of you, I already said you are…

"Hyungwon" she stopped him "... It's over, please, don't make it harder"

"No! This is not over, I won't allow" he went to her direction, in their whole dramatic scene the walking backward and forwards took them to the kitchen, so Y/N grabbed a hammer of meat when he was near and he stopped, snorting in something between laughter and tears "Are you kidding me? Let that down, Y/N."

"No, Hyungwon. This is me, the immature Y/N, you already know me. And I'll do whatever to get this over" she pointed the hammer at him, without losing his movement.

He put his hand over his hips, looking away with the tongue on the inner of his cheeks "This is childish, and you know it"

"And you will get tired of taking care of the child, either way… So please, accept it and move away"

The tears he had suddenly dissipated, he was getting really mad, but trying to stay under control. He had never got mad at her, as he did with many others, even friends, so it was weird, not mean he was loving her less but feeling really worried about her mental health.

"So, you gonna hit me with that hammer if I keep refusing to end this. What else? Kill me if I jump to kiss you" he tried to sound amused but his friends said he wasn't taking it no more.

"If, if I have to" she babbled, that almost made him laugh, he knew she wasn't being serious. But maybe he was underestimating her intelligence since she knew what she was doing.

He stepped forward, she raised the hand with the hammer, trembling. "Put it down, right now" his eyes fixed on hers, trying to get on her thoughts and send her signals through his eyes, he truly believed she was just playing and doing the last thing her brain could make up, but when she threw it to the adjacent wall, with all of her forces and a screamed he really got paralyzed.

"Fuck, just, please just leave! If you love me…" she looked at him with wild eyes "Please let me go"

He was, indeed, shocked. His mind was still processing what was going on, but he couldn't think clearly. She just had… Had thrown that hammer in the most aggressively way, he didn't really expect and, it could have been in his direction. The place it had hit was at the height of his head, it was insane. At that exact moment, he just was reconsidering a lot of things, he was worried. But couldn't find another way to deal with it than just turning back and walking to the outdoor, without saying a word, he didn't want to say the last word because he wasn't sure of anything at that point. At the threshold, he doubted a second in looking back at her, almost did but regretted it and just kept walking out.

Y/N took just one second to fall in her conscience and start suffocating in panic. It wasn't the crying of earlier, but the actual attack of panic. She loses all the air in her lungs and her face became red, as all her blood was rushing to be out of her ears, nose, mouth and where else it finds a way to escape this crazy body. Mad, she was mad. Killing Hyungwon? What is the point of breaking up for his good if he is dead? Dead, like death. Hell. Fucking hell. What was going on with her?! Y/N wanted to punch her head until she was laid in her blood, and so she did, hitting herself everywhere, until she couldn't stand the pain and started screaming.

Hyungwon held the door, literally resting all his weight on it. He listened to the sounds in the kitchen and wondered if she was trying to kill herself. He knew she was capable of it. She almost killed him. As her boyfriend and the man who loved her with all his heart, his duty was going there again and stopping whatever she was doing. But, he stood in the door and hurt his fingers while grabbing the wood until it was sticking inside his skin. In the end, he was so angry and possessed he gave a step backward and again. "I hate you... I hate you..." his voice was irreconcilable, broken and bitter.

"Die! Die already, die!" Y/N screamed at herself and bumped her body in the kitchen's cooker. A pan fell on the floor and she laughed at herself stepping in Japanese rice. From somewhere in her body, blood was slipping in her leg and her arms were red of scratching her nails in its skin. Tufts of hair wrapped in her fingers.

"Coward!" Hyungwon bit his lips. "What if she kills you? Fuck if she kills you, fuck! Fuck." And he ran to the apartment again.

As a broken and unrepairable doll, the beautiful Y/N was hitting the marble table with her bare hands. She did terrible damage to herself, especially in her head. She was out of breath, reddish everywhere, and when he touched her elbows, she turned to him and attacked him like a madwoman. And he wrapped her arms in her back, he made her fall on the floor, he put his weight beyond her skinny constitution and ignored when she found out the only way of hurting him was biting his exposed neck in the same high of her lips.

Their love was chill and patient, slow at every spot, taking its time always.

"I love you deeply, my baby, and I'll let you kill me if you want cause I have nothing to lose but you"

The attack was passing, she was tired and the energy she spent in hurting herself was finally drying. Y/N was in despair. She was trapped in the floor, with Hyungwon and all his height making her feel like a child being devoured by a monster, and his voice was piercing her ears as he was thundering anger. But he didn't hurt her. He didn't expose his madness at all. All the wounds exploded at once and suddenly the pain took her sense. There was nothing else to do but crying because of all these threats.

"Step on me if you need it. I won't go from your life never. Even if I lose everything. I swear." He noticed she wasn't fighting to get rid of his strength but was crying and trembling. Blood slipped in his finger. She had nailed her wrists and some wounds were deep. His heart broke a little more, differently than before, when he was fearing for himself. He was broke because she was suffering. And if he could, Hyungwon would give his health and all he got to save her.

After the pause between conscience and non-conscience, Y/N saw herself on the couch, again. As all that happened was only a dream, she lower her eyes to her hands resting in her lap and found them cleaned with alcohol and wrapped in band-aids. "This is all I found in this place" her boyfriend whispered and she saw him cleaning the wounds in her legs. She also saw that she was half-naked.

"Hyungwon...?"

"Hm?"

"Can you forgive me?"

He finished cleaning before raising his eyes, gently taking her hands in his. All she wanted in this world was listening to him saying yes, he would forgive her for everything. But she knew the right thing was he saying no - the best thing.

"You're forgiven of whatever you do in the present, in the future and whatever you did in the past. I love you."

"But what if I get mad again? If I hurt myself worst... or you...?"

"You're not capable of it."

"I did it. I did all of this!" And she lifted her hands in front of him. The hands he cleaned and kissed in every cut. "Stop denying it."

"I'm not denying it. You were capable." He knew the sentence almost spitting from his tongue was madness and maybe they were both helplessly lost, but it was everything he believed with all his heart. And a man need some impossible beliefs to give life a sense. "But I'm in love with you till my bones. I won't stop thinking you won't do it anymore."

"You're wrong"

"You too" he ignored her all the left time, concentrating his energy on the task of cleaning the blood and the bruises.

When finished, he took off his sweaty shirt and fell beside his girlfriend on the couch. The arm found easily the way around her hips, and he pulled her to the cuddle. Painfully, Y/N laid down.

"This is not how it works"

"What?"

"Breaking up. You can't refuse it. If I'm breaking up with you, there's nothing you can do"

"Right" he mumbled against her hair. She smelled dirty and blood. "Do you wanna be my girlfriend again?"

"Yes."

"Right."

Written in April 15-20, 2020

#imagine #hyungwon #monstax #heartbreak #bothsuns

0 notes

adambstingus · 7 years ago

Text

Review: ThermoWorks Smoke and Smoke Gateway

One of the best perks of being a gear reviewer is being able to borrow gadgets and the specialized tools to help test them. I don’t get to keep these things I test, but more often than not, that’s just fine. Last summer, though, I called in a ThermoWorks Smoke thermometer to help me test a grill and it was so useful, I bought it. When a new accessory called the Smoke Gateway—which puts the Smoke’s data to good use—I bought that, too.

Understanding and mastering the control of heat, and being consistent in that mastery are some of the most important tenets of cooking. Used together, the Smoke and Smoke Gateway give you the ability to make hardware like your grill and your oven more accurate, and make you a better, more consistent cook. If mastering heat is a place you want to go, using these tools is like a freshly paved HOV lane to get you there faster.

For now, this involves two purchases: The Smoke (technically the “Smoke 2-Channel Wireless Alarm”), a $99 two-probe thermometer with an easy-to-read base station and a radio-frequency remote; and the Smoke Gateway, an $89 accessory referred to as a “Wi-Fi bridge,” which uses RF to connect to the base station and relays its data to your phone via the cloud. Some people will get very excited about the ability to zip down to the mall and check their brisket temp in the Smoke Gateway app from the parking lot, but its real power is being able to chart that temperature on the app, giving you a visual understanding of what’s happening. You can see a time-temperature graph of what’s going on inside your oven or grill without opening the door; you can understand the heat. This enhancement of a tried-and-true piece of kitchen hardware is some of the smartest work of the smart kitchen.

Hot Stuff

I started wishing for capabilities like these when reviewing the Weber Genesis grill using an iGrill 2 thermometer and the stopwatch on my phone to log data manually, essentially building the graph by hand. It was worse when I tried to monitor the internal temperature of foods in the luxurious Weber Summit with a handheld thermometer, dumping heat every time I opened the lid to check on my food.

I would have loved it for the Traeger Timberline, when I had the Smoke alone and did a lot of babysitting to figure out that both the Traeger’s internal thermocouple and the probe gauge were off and that it had trouble steadily holding the low-and-slow temperatures that should be its forte. When the brisket I had in there encountered what’s known as “the stall,” that graph would have been definitive proof and visual certainty that the meat’s internal temperature had plateaued.

Once I bought the Smoke Gateway, I quickly learned how underpowered the Tasty One Top was when following their recipe for fried chicken, tracking the fry oil temperature using the high-heat probe that comes with the Smoke, conveniently threaded through a $4 clip on the edge of my Dutch oven. Here, the graph showed the expected drop in temperature and the less expected slow (slow, slow) reheating between batches.

Out of the batch frying and into the Mellow countertop sous vide machine, I could see that machine spent way (way, way) too long in the danger zone when cooling food, needlessly courting disaster.

At home, I got to know my own appliances better, first using the Smoke’s included “Air Probe” to track temperatures in my electric oven. I turned on the app, set the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, went and did other stuff for half an hour, and came back to learn that the oven doesn’t get up to temperature quite as quickly as it thinks it does, but after 12 minutes, it settled in at 358 degrees, a number which, as far as ovens go, rhymes with great. Interestingly, when I switched to convection heat for a later test, it ran about five degrees low, but still, that’s fine.

On my humble, hardworking, three-burner Weber Spirit grill, I learned that cranking up just the left burner to high on a cool day would give me a classic “two-zone” setup with searing capabilities on the left third and a consistent 225 degrees Fahrenheit of indirect heat on the right. Dropping the left burner to medium and the middle burner to low, I could cook on indirect heat at 325 degrees. I’ll double-check this when the outdoor temperature warms up come springtime, but having that graph on the app and the readout on the base speeds the process of hitting these marks, and assures it’s consistent.

For kicks, I even tested my friend Julie’s old Kitchen Aid gas oven before I cooked a tray full of bacon in it, setting the oven to 375 and watching the Smoke’s probe settle in at 371. Not bad!

What I like so much about the Smoke/Smoke Gateway setup is how it allows you to understand not only what’s happening inside of your roast or brisket, but it also shows what’s happening with the tools we use at home everyday, and understand how to use them to their fullest potential. My oven’s not that far out of whack, but many are. I now know the next time I have a recipe that calls to roast something at 350 degrees, that I should set the oven for 340.

Warm Feelings

Sometimes, I’m happy to crack open a beer, shoot the breeze with a buddy and wing it on the grill, but the Smoke Gateway setup allows me to see and know exactly what’s happening. For my reviews, this info can be a clear early indicator of quality, helping me judge whether to recommend a product or run away screaming. Without much bother, it’ll tell you if it’s time to have your oven calibrated, or how to make the most of your grill, or smoker, or fryer.

The Smoke and Smoke Gateway combo isn’t a perfect setup. For now, at least, you can only save five graphs at a time on the app, and it can’t put two probes’ worth of information on the same graph. Its exporting abilities could certainly be improved—for now, you can only export a spreadsheet, not a graph, but this is very clearly a first effort and it’s easy to imagine updates to improve the app and an all-in-one (or two) model being rolled out in the future.

But you know what’s awesome? Instead of releasing a whole new piece of hardware and leaving the owners of the original Smoke in the dust, ThermoWorks gave an existing machine new capabilities—what a blast of fresh air in the age of planned obsolescence!

It’s worth noting (and applauding) here that Weber’s line of iGrill thermometers and their app now have very similar capabilities and cost much less. Comparatively, I prefer the Smoke/Smoke Gateway, particularly as it has a large number of probe choices for different applications, a big readout, and that rock-steady RF connection. The iGrill has only two probe style options and the iGrill Mini and iGrill3 have no base-station readout which makes no sense at all, but I like the $99 iGrill2 and the iGrill app is slick and has become better over time. If you use and enjoy the iGrills, there’s almost no reason to consider switching.

Yes, like its name/names, the Thermoworks Smoke/Smoke Gateway is a bit clunky, but put them to good use and you’ll get more out of your appliances, better understand what you’re cooking, and do nothing less than become a better, more consistent cook.

Food writer Joe Ray (@joe_diner) is a Lowell Thomas Travel Journalist of The Year, a restaurant critic, and author of “Sea and Smoke” with chef Blaine Wetzel.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/review-thermoworks-smoke-and-smoke-gateway/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/172051503492

0 notes

allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

Review: ThermoWorks Smoke and Smoke Gateway

One of the best perks of being a gear reviewer is being able to borrow gadgets and the specialized tools to help test them. I don't get to keep these things I test, but more often than not, that's just fine. Last summer, though, I called in a ThermoWorks Smoke thermometer to help me test a grill and it was so useful, I bought it. When a new accessory called the Smoke Gateway—which puts the Smoke's data to good use—I bought that, too.

For now, this involves two purchases: The Smoke (technically the "Smoke 2-Channel Wireless Alarm"), a $99 two-probe thermometer with an easy-to-read base station and a radio-frequency remote; and the Smoke Gateway, an $89 accessory referred to as a "Wi-Fi bridge," which uses RF to connect to the base station and relays its data to your phone via the cloud. Some people will get very excited about the ability to zip down to the mall and check their brisket temp in the Smoke Gateway app from the parking lot, but its real power is being able to chart that temperature on the app, giving you a visual understanding of what's happening. You can see a time-temperature graph of what's going on inside your oven or grill without opening the door; you can understand the heat. This enhancement of a tried-and-true piece of kitchen hardware is some of the smartest work of the smart kitchen.

Hot Stuff

I would have loved it for the Traeger Timberline, when I had the Smoke alone and did a lot of babysitting to figure out that both the Traeger's internal thermocouple and the probe gauge were off and that it had trouble steadily holding the low-and-slow temperatures that should be its forte. When the brisket I had in there encountered what's known as "the stall," that graph would have been definitive proof and visual certainty that the meat's internal temperature had plateaued.

Out of the batch frying and into the Mellow countertop sous vide machine, I could see that machine spent way (way, way) too long in the danger zone when cooling food, needlessly courting disaster.

At home, I got to know my own appliances better, first using the Smoke's included "Air Probe" to track temperatures in my electric oven. I turned on the app, set the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, went and did other stuff for half an hour, and came back to learn that the oven doesn't get up to temperature quite as quickly as it thinks it does, but after 12 minutes, it settled in at 358 degrees, a number which, as far as ovens go, rhymes with great. Interestingly, when I switched to convection heat for a later test, it ran about five degrees low, but still, that's fine.

On my humble, hardworking, three-burner Weber Spirit grill, I learned that cranking up just the left burner to high on a cool day would give me a classic "two-zone" setup with searing capabilities on the left third and a consistent 225 degrees Fahrenheit of indirect heat on the right. Dropping the left burner to medium and the middle burner to low, I could cook on indirect heat at 325 degrees. I'll double-check this when the outdoor temperature warms up come springtime, but having that graph on the app and the readout on the base speeds the process of hitting these marks, and assures it's consistent.

For kicks, I even tested my friend Julie's old Kitchen Aid gas oven before I cooked a tray full of bacon in it, setting the oven to 375 and watching the Smoke's probe settle in at 371. Not bad!

What I like so much about the Smoke/Smoke Gateway setup is how it allows you to understand not only what's happening inside of your roast or brisket, but it also shows what's happening with the tools we use at home everyday, and understand how to use them to their fullest potential. My oven's not that far out of whack, but many are. I now know the next time I have a recipe that calls to roast something at 350 degrees, that I should set the oven for 340.

Warm Feelings

Sometimes, I'm happy to crack open a beer, shoot the breeze with a buddy and wing it on the grill, but the Smoke Gateway setup allows me to see and know exactly what's happening. For my reviews, this info can be a clear early indicator of quality, helping me judge whether to recommend a product or run away screaming. Without much bother, it'll tell you if it's time to have your oven calibrated, or how to make the most of your grill, or smoker, or fryer.

The Smoke and Smoke Gateway combo isn't a perfect setup. For now, at least, you can only save five graphs at a time on the app, and it can't put two probes' worth of information on the same graph. Its exporting abilities could certainly be improved—for now, you can only export a spreadsheet, not a graph, but this is very clearly a first effort and it's easy to imagine updates to improve the app and an all-in-one (or two) model being rolled out in the future.

But you know what's awesome? Instead of releasing a whole new piece of hardware and leaving the owners of the original Smoke in the dust, ThermoWorks gave an existing machine new capabilities—what a blast of fresh air in the age of planned obsolescence!

It's worth noting (and applauding) here that Weber's line of iGrill thermometers and their app now have very similar capabilities and cost much less. Comparatively, I prefer the Smoke/Smoke Gateway, particularly as it has a large number of probe choices for different applications, a big readout, and that rock-steady RF connection. The iGrill has only two probe style options and the iGrill Mini and iGrill3 have no base-station readout which makes no sense at all, but I like the $99 iGrill2 and the iGrill app is slick and has become better over time. If you use and enjoy the iGrills, there's almost no reason to consider switching.

Yes, like its name/names, the Thermoworks Smoke/Smoke Gateway is a bit clunky, but put them to good use and you'll get more out of your appliances, better understand what you're cooking, and do nothing less than become a better, more consistent cook.

Food writer Joe Ray (@joe_diner) is a Lowell Thomas Travel Journalist of The Year, a restaurant critic, and author of "Sea and Smoke" with chef Blaine Wetzel.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/review-thermoworks-smoke-and-smoke-gateway/

0 notes

epchapman89 · 7 years ago

Text

A City Of Love And Hate: Latin Culture Rising In The Phoenix Coffee Scene

This was going to be a very different article.

On Tuesday, August 22, 2017, current United States President Donald Trump held a rally in downtown Phoenix, Arizona, drawing thousands of counter-protesters and worldwide media coverage. The rally came uncomfortably close to a statement saying Trump was “seriously considering” pardoning “Sheriff” Joe Arpaio, Maricopa County’s notorious former sheriff recently voted out after 30 years of holding office. In July of 2017, Arpaio was convicted of criminal contempt for refusing to follow a federal judge’s orders to stop racial profiling. A week later, Trump formally pardoned the controversial former sheriff.

The political environment in Phoenix is a paradox. This is a city with a thriving arts, culture, food, and beverage scene, a vast hub in the middle of the Sonoran Desert with a major focus on community and supporting local, creating an active environment of creative entrepreneurship and small business culture. But anti-immigrant ideals and bigotry remain an undercurrent here. It feels like these dark sentiments have been on a steady boil since November of 2016, emboldened by the election of a President who advocates building a wall across the Arizona-Mexico border.

A city that has become a flashpoint for anti-immigrant sentiment is also home to a truly thriving immigrant small business community. The city’s coffee scene is a window into that world: the good and the bad, the challenges and opportunities, and ultimately, a hope for wider acceptance and tolerance. That’s Phoenix—and Phoenix coffee.

Ash Ponders

As the national specialty coffee industry experiences a widespread awakening towards equality and human rights within it—a direct result of the wider social and political climate here in 2017 America—little can be done to try and ignore how closely intertwined culture, politics, and coffee actually are. This concept is nothing new to marginalized coffee professionals, and this summer we saw it all in Phoenix. The usually quiet nature of political expression seemingly burst as news broke of Arpaio’s pardoning just three days after protests filled our downtown outside of Trump’s rally. It was a direct hit to the Latinx community, including many of those in the city’s coffee scene.

“I was actually pretty shocked by how upset I was,” Ash Ponders tells me. Ponders is a fixture in the Arizona coffee community, recognizable as a highly-knowledgeable enthusiast and regular at the city’s good coffee bars. He’s Panamanian-American, and his photojournalistic work has been featured in Phoenix New Times, La Prensa in Panama, Village Voice, and Standart Magazine. “I’m generally cynical, still hoping for the best but expecting the worst, but this ticked me off.”

Joe Arpaio is infamous for terrorizing Arizona’s Latinx community. Self-dubbed the “toughest sheriff in America”, his policies on immigration resulted in the unconstitutional and illegal profiling of minorities in Arizona. The inhuman conditions of his jails—most notably Tent City, an open-air prison in which inmates were forced to live outside in triple-digit temperatures—are a sad smear on the conscience of all Arizonans, and have kept Sheriff Joe under a constant veil of controversy statewide.

Jorge Torres

Jorge Torres—the owner and head stylist at Palabra, a collective hair salon, art gallery, and home of popular 49th Parallel account Futuro Coffee—attended the Trump protests in August, and calls the Arpaio pardon “a stab in the gut.” Palabra (Spanish for word) began as a downtown Phoenix salon and gallery concept in December of 2012, before moving to a new location and expanding to serve coffee in January of 2016. Torres celebrates minority and immigrant artists and creatives in his space, and his own Mexican-American heritage is apparent in the all-Spanish coffee menu that features beverages like jamaica (a Hibiscus tea), cajeta (a latte with homemade Mexican caramel), and a mocha made with Rancho Gordo chocolate.

“The menu is a reflection of my childhood,” says Torres, “and I can see it in the faces of other Latinos that come in, they know and recognize these flavors, too.”

Latin culture is woven into the fabric of Phoenix, and Torres and Ponders are leaders here in the Phoenix coffee scene, but the true impact of latinidad on Phoenix’s coffee community is still emerging. “On the one hand, it’s not very present,” says Ponders, “but you know it’s there.” The city has had its share of talented Latinx baristas and trainers over the years, but on the ownership and cultural leadership level, Latin culture is just beginning to fuse with the wider third wave coffee movement. There is a hope beginning to burn for change, especially in the wake of recent events, and new leaders are rising up here in Phoenix to make those crucial next steps.

One of those future leaders is Lisette Barbera, a barista at Cartel Coffee Lab’s Sky Harbor Airport location. (Good airport coffee: we have that in Phoenix.) Barbera vehemently champions increased communication about the Phoenix Latinx community and the wider specialty coffee scene.

Lisette Barbera

“The Latinx community 100% influences our coffee community,” Barbera tells me, adding, “and we don’t speak about it enough!” Barbera sees this wider recognition in Phoenix as echoing back to coffee’s origin story. “We often forget the seasons of manual labor that families build their lives around,” Barbera reminds me. “There are so many brown and Black hands these beans have passed through. I am so proud as a hardworking individual, I get to serve these with my brown hands.”

She’s right, of course—coffee’s journey from origin to coffee bar takes on a special kind of synergy in a place like Phoenix, and in the hands of Latinx coffee professionals like Barbera, Ponders, and Torres. The realities of being a brown coffee professional in America’s current climate means living with the fear of erasure—the inescapable fear that one’s contribution to American society, in addition to just being will be dismissed. Even as the coffee industry repeats its refrain of uplifting coffee producers in Central and South American countries, those stanzas often fail to acknowledge Latinx coffee people on the retail end.

Those fears and anxieties are exacerbated by shameful political moments like the Arpaio pardon. “This whole week has been just one big flashing image of seeing yourself being disrespected and then having to continue in everyday life as normal,” Barbera tells me. It’s an experience many know all too well. “Clocking in and out of work, trying to entertain your friends and experience normalcy, but then you wake up with all these images in your head.”

I spoke with another Latinx Phoenix-area barista for this article, Lydon LaJoie of Kream Coffee. He reflected deeply on the events of that wild week in August, having also been in attendance at the counter-protest.

Lydon LaJoie

“The protest started off strong,” LaJoie tells me, “and I went in humbly. I come from a mixed-race background but thought it was important I represent myself with that privilege.” Like many in the Phoenix community, Arpaio’s pardon brought back painful memories for LaJoie. “My heart dropped. Every time I heard ‘beaner’ or ’wetback’ growing up; every time someone asked, So what are you?; every time I held someone after their family had been torn apart; it all played in my head.”

“[Arpaio] is a symbol of fear, hate, oppression, and racism, there is no way around that,” LaJoie says. “I spent a majority of my life whitewashing myself because of him.”

Latinx coffee pros like Lydon LaJoie draw a lot of inspiration from examples like Jorge Torres, who LaJoie calls his “low-key hero” and “such an important part of this coffee community”—but there aren’t another dozen Latinx specialty coffee bar owners for me to profile. I wish there were; you hear a lot in the Phoenix coffee scene about “community first,” but it feels like our most marginalized communities aren’t being given the space or being embraced and championed by the city’s coffee scene.

The lack of what Ponders calls, “trade-based heritage” is something that plagues many Phoenix cultural communities. “I think that’s hurting us,” he says. “If I care about being Latinx, I’ll go to Puente, the human rights organization. As a journalist, I’m a member of the National Hispanic Journalists. But to not see something like that in coffee is strange.”

Ponders with Pope the Poodle (center) and the author, Michelle Johnson.

But looking at it through a lens of optimism, Phoenix coffee is in a unique position to change this. What’s always been great about the city is its ability to be shaped and molded, as it is still generally under development. The vast amount of space in between everything allows room for growth, and the potential for the scene is still in the early stages of being fully tapped. And though their numbers may be small, the city’s Latinx coffee leaders are up to the challenge of advancing the city’s coffee space, a place for brown people of all backgrounds to thrive.

Torres plans to use the platform he’s created as a creative and thought leader in Phoenix to educate people and activate them, with events happening in his Futuro cafe space. “I want to do talks and educate those who aren’t personally affected because they have no idea.” For Torres, coffee becomes irrelevant in the midst of political turmoil, but he does acknowledge that it can be through coffee that we reach people to increased awareness and encourage empathetic thought on these issues.

Barbera also wants to take action, but directly within coffee in Phoenix. Being a transplant from San Diego, I am still fairly new to the coffee community, but have noticed it lacking,” she says. “A lot of the coffee events I feel frankly left out of unless you are organizing yourself.” Barbera is working now with the team at Cartel to put on events to help build community and signal coffee’s wider role as an organizing platform. “Lately, I have taken it upon myself to do little events with Cartel’s help,” she tells me. “There I can be a physical representation of a brown, outspoken Mexican woman in a leadership role. That is so important to me, especially at a time when Mexican woman are still being portrayed a certain way by the media.”

Barbera goes on: “Phoenix has such potential for women of color to be in leadership roles. But I also understand I am going to have to do a lot of the footwork on my own here.”

That’s where the rest of the Phoenix coffee community comes in. Together with our Latinx colleagues, we can create the space needed to talk about these issues and connect with each other. Here in the Valley of the Sun, and in local coffee communities everywhere, we’ve reached a point where we can’t ignore bigotry and hatred and its expression in our society, both lawful and—in the case of Sheriff Joe’s modern-day torture camps—baldly unconstitutional.

Torres at Futuro

The Phoenix coffee community is a part of a wider community that is at an epicenter of southwestern Latin and Mexican-American culture. Through coffee, it is possible for Phoenix to lead the charge to shut out the hate and bigotry Latinx Americans face every day. In a city going through such a complicated identity moment right now—synonymous with both diversity and bigotry, a city of love and hate—I can think of no sweeter rebuttal than for Phoenix’s coffee scene to emerge as one of the country’s best, with Latinx coffee pros leading the way.

Michelle Johnson (@thechocbarista) is the publisher of The Chocolate Barista, and the marketing director at Barista Hustle. Read more Michelle Johnson on Sprudge.

Photos by Shaunté Glover (@shaunte) for Sprudge Media Network.

The post A City Of Love And Hate: Latin Culture Rising In The Phoenix Coffee Scene appeared first on Sprudge.

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allwicca · 8 years ago

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Pagan publishing in a changing world: an interview with Anne Newkirk Niven

By: Terence P. Ward FOREST GROVE, Ore. — Pagan magazine publishing might be considered a cottage industry, with a rich tradition that extends back to the days when newsletters were created on photocopy machines and shared ad infinitum among friends. BBI Media might not be operated out of an actual cottage, but it is one of the last remaining publishers of Pagan-focused print magazines in the United States, and it isn’t exactly an empire, either.

“We work out of our basement,” said Anne Newkirk Niven, whose company puts out both Witches & Pagans and SageWoman magazines. “People are surprised when they call and I answer the phone. It’s just my husband, my son, and me.” BBI Media has never been the sort of company that is headquartered in a gleaming tower with the CEO’s corner office providing a command view of the world below. It is more like a shining soapbox, a place where Pagans with something to say have been able to find an audience.

Through a number of magazine titles and a wide variety of blogs hosted at Pagansquare.com, Niven has provided opportunities for Pagan writers who may or may not be ready to publish an entire book. She offers an opportunity for thoughtful discourse in a world where reaction often outpaces cognition.

Niven is unable put a date on when she first identified as Pagan, but estimates that it’s been about thirty years. “I’m an eclectic polytheist Witch,” she said. “I do think that different gods have agency, but I have a great fondness for the God and Goddess.”

She considers the fact that her livelihood is based on serving the Pagan community a great boon. “I’m very, very lucky and fortunate,” she said. “I’m sure a lot of people would like to dedicate their professional life to Pagan practice. It’s a great blessing.” “I had a copy of SageWoman, and cold-called the publisher,” she explained. The timing was right. The publisher “had just had one printed upside-down and backwards,” and was ready to try someone new. After successfully printing it right-side up for several issues, Niven learned that the publisher had “hit hard times.”That blessing came in the form of opportunity or, as she put it, “I got into it by accident, but not entirely by accident.” Niven was seeking clients for her husband’s printing business, and hand-printed ‘zines were all the rage at the time.

“I offered to buy the magazine with an inheritance from my mother,” Niven said. Three years after making that purchase, Niven took on editing responsibilities, as well, starting with issue 25. SageWoman now has 90 issues published, with Niven editing all those since.

“Don’t quit your day job,” Niven said, as a warning to anyone who wishes to follow in her footsteps. “You won’t draw a salary for a long, long time.”

Anne Newkirk Niven

Building upon SageWoman, a number of other titles have been created over the years: PanGaia, New Witch, Blessed Be, and Crone were all created as BBI periodicals. SageWoman and Witches & Pagans are the only two now being published by the company, and Niven said that there are no plans at this time to create any new titles.

What’s stayed the same through all the titles and all the years, Niven said, is the desire to “tell our stories to each other. Inspirational, relatively upbeat stories. That’s why we’re still around.”

Surviving as a magazine publisher alongside the internet is no small feat. Doing so while serving a Pagan community that is undergoing massive change adds another layer of challenge. “Paganism is more varied and complex” than when the first issue of SageWoman hit the stands, Niven said. “It was very Wicca-flavored, at least the West Coast Paganism I’m familiar with.”

She went on to describe a Paganism steeped in hippie counterculture, protests, and peace movements. It was in opposition to anything that had a whiff of “establishment” to it. “Now, we’re everywhere. Some are working on Wall Street, at least one is in the presidential administration, and there are Pagans in every profession. I even know several Christian ministers who are Pagan. It is no longer scary to say you are a Witch or Pagan,” she added, although acknowledging that the fear still exists in some areas.*

“In a sense, we’ve won,” Niven said, noting that she began this work in the heyday of Jack Chick, the Christian comic artist who died last month. “We no longer have to convince people that we aren’t going to sacrifice their children and cats; that’s no longer a mainstream belief about us. Mostly, we’re seen as harmless goofballs.”

As the number of Pagans has risen — Niven guessed that there are ten times as many as when she started on her path — being seen as “goofballs” is a “sea change” from when most people, as she said, “thought we were evil, or didn’t know we exist.”

She hopes that BBI publications has helped in some way.

While perceptions of Paganism among members of the general public have changed, so too have Pagans changed in how they view themselves. Recalling a time when nearly all Paganism was Wiccan influenced, Niven said, “In the ’90s, we thought it was the ‘old religion’ with an unbroken lineage. Metaphorically yes, but literally no. We now have more sophistication about our roots. That’s important, because it keeps fundamentalism down.”

A 1995 issue of PanGaia published a lengthy article debunking of the trope that nine million women were burned during the so-called “Burning Times.” Niven said that she is still quite proud of that piece. She did add that she likes the song that Charlie Murphy wrote about it, but said that “there are no winners in the victim Olympics.”

Awareness brings its own issues. Pagans, particularly Witches, are now a regular part of Hollywood entertainment. While that in part helps to normalize the idea of Paganism, there are consequences. “I get asked for spells like body-switching from time to time,” Niven said, not to mention requests for instant wealth. “I would have used that myself!” she said.

Today, Paganism has many branches that stem from Wicca, and many more that do not. Polytheists and Heathens do not always consider themselves Pagans, based on what they feel the overarching values associated with that label are. Niven thinks Paganism “resembles first-century Christianity,” in that there are many factions and a fair bit of theological squabbling.

“It’s very cool, and totally healthy,” she said.

Niven hasn’t been a member of an established group in quite some time, and in that way mirrors most of her readers. “I think about Paganism 60-70 hours a week,” she explained, “and at the end of the day, it’s time to have dinner, watch television or play a game.” Repeated surveys have shown her that most readers of BBI magazines also worship largely on their own.

“Back in the day, there was a theory that one became a Witch by saying so three times. Self-initiation is absolutely a thing. There’s no pope setting the rules.” In addition, most Pagans and others stuck with that label tend to bristle at the idea of hierarchy, she has observed.

In a sense, Niven thinks that the trend toward solitary practice is an historical aberration born of the current culture of individualism. “In a hundred years, or 200, it might transform again into set of more socially-controlled religions, and that probably wouldn’t be a bad thing.” Witches, however, will likely always have a solitary role to play, living on the edges of society and providing wisdom and healing to those who seek it.

Continuing to publish on paper also makes BBI Media stand out. “Paper is becoming a premium product,” Niven said, calling it an underrated technology that’s easy on the eyes and doesn’t require a power source. “Comparing paper and digital is like comparing cabbage and a banana,” she said, “they just don’t taste the same.”

Niven feels that paper is superior for long-form writing, and that’s what is mostly what is presented in her magazines. The bloggers at Pagansquare.com tend to write shorter pieces, which is suitable for that medium. Digital is much better for information such as phone numbers, where a search function makes the data more usable.

CC BY-NC-ND by emanuela franchini

Niven believes that there will always be an audience for paper. “The ecological footprint of digital is not zero,” she said, and BBI publications have been printed with soy ink on recycled paper for far longer than most people knew about those options. There’s also a number of her readers that prefer to peruse the magazines while in the bath, which can be tricky when using a tablet.

BBI became one of the last publisher of print Pagan magazines in North America last year, when Circle Magazine’s final issue was published. She attributes that not to any failing on the part of Circle’s staff, but to a difference in mission. “[Circle Magazine] was never their main ministry. Publishing is all we ever do. We don’t hold services, give degrees, consecrate, or initiate.”

What the hardworking people at BBI Media do instead is provide a platform for mostly positive pieces on Paganism, in all its many forms, including for people who don’t want to be called Pagan at all but would like to be heard by those who do.

[Author’s Note: This interview took place prior to the recent presidential election, and does not reflect any events that have occurred since that time.]

Terence P Ward

Terence P Ward is a moneyworker, journalist, Hellenic polytheist and convinced Friend who lives in the bucolic Hudson Valley with his wife, five cats, and multiple household shrines.

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