#which means you have to follow the fucking map of like 30 different veins and how they branch and shit

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

this fucking profffffff BRUHHHHHHHHHH

[ravynfyre]

Storytime!

So seeing a post on here just reminded me of a Firehouse Adventure that I sadly missed, but heard AAALLLLL about when I got back from vacation.

Some years back, the firehouse I was at was on a hill, and situated up that hill roughly 50-70 yards from an intersection:

Now, the fun thing about the street, as you can see from my MS Paint map up there, is that it angles at the intersection. Also, *both* directions of Street C *and* Street B were hills that went uphill from the intersection. Street A was also a hill, but it was a much gentler one for that first block than the other two streets were.

Now, about a week before this happened, we had an earthquake, which is very much NOT typical for this area. Like... we *never* have them that we can feel. This becomes relevant later.

Late one evening, say, about 2 am, after all the bars finally close down for the night, this random gentleman decided that his libations had improved his driving skills, and he had a fast car and a lot of liquid courage in his veins. Not a good combo. Trust me. So he decides to play Gran Torismo in real life and began running through town in his car going between 70-80 miles an hour, with a few little forays into the 100mph category.

By the time he made it to Street C, coming from the top of the map, it was closing in on 2:30, 2:45ish, and the cops had already gotten calls about this gent, and were already out looking for him. Street C is a very long street, and, up until it hits the Street A/B intersection, straight as an arrow. According to the accident reconstructionist, they believe he was doing about 110 when he hit that intersection.

Now. The other ^fun^ thing about that intersection, is that it is "paved high". Meaning that since Street A and B meet and maintain a straight line, and there's a very gentle slope from A, they gave THAT street priority when it came to keeping it *level*. So there is this big ass *dome* of pavement if you are driving down Street C, so you can never take that intersection at the posted speed limit, or you risk catching air. (Remind me to tall all y'all about the time I caught air in a 36,000 pound firetruck. LOL!)

The speed limit? 35mph. Which, those of you playing the home game, should be able to deduce is considerably *less* than the 110 they think this dude was doing when he hit the intersection. Because "hitting the intersection" is not exactly purple prose here.

That dome in the pavement launched his car into the air, so he was unable to steer to the left to follow the street. He came down the first time in the driveway of the first business. Hitting the other side of that *launched* him back into the air and he landed almost on the other side of the coffee house's driveway. By that time, he'd plowed through the coffee house sign, and some small bushes, too, and those impromptu flying lessons had *fucked* his steering assembly.

Somehow, by the grace of some unholy god, his car MISSED the big tree planted in front of our firehouse. Or, rather, missed a *direct* hit, and merely glanced off of it. That ricocheted him back *toward* the firehouse, but, again, *someone* was looking out for this guy, because instead of hitting the firehouse dead on, he basically clipped the front corner of the building, then bounced off the first rig bay door, scraped down the building, and came to a rest right in front of the second rig bay door, which is where the primary in service truck was kept.

Bricks from the front corner of the firehouse that he *obliterated* were found along the back wall, and the rig actually took some damage from flying masonry. If I had not had to work at a different firehouse the last shift before my vacation, my gear would have been hanging in that corner, and would have been, likewise, *obliterated*.

So, here's where the earthquake becomes relevant. One would think that having a car play Wrecking Ball into the corner of our firehouse would have made something of a big ruckus. Should have woken up the guys sleeping in the bunk room, right? Well, sorta. They heard it and felt the building shake a little, but then all of them assumed that it was just another earthquake, and when nothing happened after a minute, they all went back to sleep. It wasn't until ten minutes later when PD rolls up to the car that is now *burning* in front of our bay door, and has Dispatch call the guys to tone them out to their own driveway, that they dragged out of bed.

What happened to the driver? He met the cops who were looking for him on the curb. Walked (stumbled) right over to them and, reportedly, said, "Yeah. That's my car. Yeah, I was driving it. And yeah, I'm drunk."

He had a few scratches from shattered glass. But otherwise else? Unscathed.

And that, my chilluns, is the story of the Night The Firehouse Rocked.

[littledonkeyburrito]

A slang term or just a regular word that means butt

1. Did the last type of shoes you wore have laces? Yeah 2. How much money did you spend yesterday? 6.27 euros. I went to the cinemas and also bought a 17c bottle of water. Because apparently the only snack I need at the cinemas in spain is a bottle of water. 3. Are you CPR certified? In australia, yes. 4. What genre is your favorite movie? Comedy, but it has to be the right type of comedy. 5. Are you messaging anybody right now? Yeah, 2 people

6. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? I have surprisingly good ID photos, so yeah. 7. What’s your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie? I don’t think I have a favourite but I do prefer to eat something that takes a long time to eat so that my hands are busy and I don’t pick pimples or whatever 8. When was the last time somebody hit on you? When I was in central america. Guys were so much more keen on me there than I’m used to. 9. Was the last person you met a male or female? Uhhhh I do not recall 10. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? Maggie 11. Do you own a map of the world? Only on my phone 12. What brand is your underwear? Probably Kmart homebrand

13. Is the light on in the room you’re in? Yep 14. Who did you last spoon with? Panama Guy.

No wait, that’s a lie. I spooned with Madrid guy a couple of days after I got home and he stayed with me for the weekend. 15. Are you currently watching TV? I don’t even own a tv. 16. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Neither 17. Do you own any clothing that has animal print? Not unless plain black counts as animal print

18. Does your family eat dinner together? Considering that my parents split up when I was 6 and also I live on a different continent to them, no. 19. Where do you work? I currently do not. 20. Are you in high school? Fuck to the No. 21. Do you have a TV in your room? I don’t have a tv in my apartment. 22. Are any of your electronics charging right now? My laptop is on charge but is on full battery.

23. What was the last video game you played? Pokemon X in spanish.

24. What did you last put on a piece of toast? My toaster doesn’t work properly but the last thing I put on a piece of bread was nutella last night

25. What did you put in your last smoothie? I have literally never made a smoothie for myself. Only ones my parents made for me growing up

26. What stores would you say you buy from the most? Mercadona - my grocery store

27. What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? There are so many things on my netflix list

28. Is there a movie you’d like to see? The new kingsman

29. What’s the most recent email in your inbox? Something from my bank

30. What’s the last thing you Googled? "culo” because I was trying to find out if it’s a slang term or just a regular word that means butt.

31. What was the last thing you watched on Netflix or Hulu? The Good Place.

32. Do you follow any celebrities on Twitter? I don’t use twitter but I follow several on instagram

33. What was the last flavor of pudding or yogurt you ate? Kiwifruit yoghurt.

34. What color are your shirt and pants? Shirt is demin blue, pants are black

35. What color were the last pair of shoes you wore? Grey and black striped

36. Anything exciting coming up? Literally nothing 37. What numbers does your password on here have? How about no

38. This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? Watching netflix probs

39. Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money 40. Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? Yes I used to accidentally text my dad’s homeline all the time and wonder why he hadn’t responded 41. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. 42. What color is your garage? I do not have a garage. My building does not have a garage. 43. Have you ever played laser tag? Yeah 44. Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? Depends on what I’m dressing for. If it’s a job interview or something then I’ll sort it out the night before. 45. Do you wear earrings? Yep 46. Is your wifi protected? Yes because this is not 2007 47. What did you have for lunch today? Noodles 48. Does your phone have a cover on it? Nope, I live dangerously. 49. What colour was your swim suit this year? I have a black bikini top, and floral boardshorts 50. How many bedrooms does your house have? 1, kind of 51. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? No

52. Did you and your family go on many road trips when you were younger? To fraser Island with my dad a few times a year

53. Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? I used to but I gave them to my mum when I left aus

54. How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? I had 2 dogs growing up . They were sisters and they were border collie x golden retreiver. In the past 6 years a few flatmates have had dogs or cats but they weren’t mine so I don’t think they really count.

55. Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My dad makes musical instruments but cannot play any. Mum played piano as a kid but didn’t continue with it and probably could not play anything now.

56. What’s your favorite color and what items do you own in that color? My favourite colour is purple and I own a button up in purple and also most of my undies are purple for some reason. 57. What brand or designer is your purse and/or wallet? Fossil 58. Can you crack crab legs without a tool? Maybe with my teeth? I’ve never tried 59. How many light sources are in the room you’re in? 4 light bulbs plus the light on the stove overhead, the oven , the microwave, and the flashlight on my phone.

Before (first line) and After (second line), 2 years ago; Today

60. How old is the last person you kissed? 22 35

61. What is the last movie you watched? Who the fuck can remember what movie I watched 2 years ago Thor Ragnarok

62. Are you happy? Sure Sure

63. What’s one thing that you really want to do? Move to Spain Spend several months travelling from Mexico to southern Argentina

64. Is your cell phone right by you? Yeah it would have been because I needed to respond quickly to anything from work. Yes, habit from my old job.

65. What are you wearing on your feet? How fucking good do you think my memory from 2 years ago is??? Orange, black and white socks

66. Did you ever waste too much time during the day? My job was pretty much all about wasting away the 12 hours of my shifts because there was almost never anything to do. I currently have no job so I apply for a few each day and then fuck around online for the rest of the day

67. Do you like cuddling? With people I’m romantically/sexually involved with With people I’m romantically/sexually involved with

68. Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers? Depends on the weather Usually, yes

69. Where’d you get the shirt your wearing now? I don’t know what I was wearing 2 years ago It was Big W or Kmart or Target or something

70. Did you get at least eight hours of sleep last night? Depends on work, I don’t remember Yes.

71. When is your next long road trip? I don’t think I had anything planned but about 8 months later, Maggie and I road tripped around Tasmania. I have no road trips planned.

72. Ever kissed someone who’s the first name starts with an “A” or “C”? Yes and yes. Still yes and yes. A couple of new A’s but no new C’s.

Just regular questions again:

73. Do you have a common first name? Sure do

74. Do you like your middle name or your first name more? I’m used to my first name but my middle name is prettier

75. What year would/did you turn 21? 2015

76. Can you see your veins through your skin? Yeah, I’m pretty fucking pasty

77. Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? Depends where I’m living and who with. I’ve lived in both.

78. Do you like spicy chips? Yeah

79. Do you wear more pink or yellow? I hate wearing both of those colours but probably pink

80. What’s the last thing you bought besides food/drink? Some household items

81. Who scheduled your last doctor visit? I did

82. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Thor 3 was pretty funny. Taika Waititi did really well.

83. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Of course

84. What is the design on your shirt? No design, it’s just blue denim

85. What is the origin of your last name? Blacksmiths

86. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Ears I guess, but I don’t really care

87. What country do you live in? Spain

88. Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? I did from grade 9 onwards.

89. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? Literally none of them.

90. If you were in a band, which role would you be? Drummer. I’d love to get back into playing drums.

91. Would you ever consider prostitution as an occupation? For the money maybe, but I think I’d be pretty bad at it because I think people are awful so I’d be terrible at the conversation part of it. I have a friend that’s a high end gay escort and he lives such a luxurious life but I really just don’t think I’d be able to do it.

92. If you could relive one year of your life, which would it be? This year. It’s been fun as fuck.

93. What makes your heart beat faster? Attractive boys getting close to me

94. Are you a one night stand or serious relationship type person? I’m more of a casual fling type person. Relationships are not really my style and one night stands kinda just seem like a waste of a dude that I’m clearly attracted to.

95. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? I keep reminding my parents that if I die on holiday, I’ve died happy. It did not seem to comfort them when they were convinced I was going to get kidnapped in Colombia.

96. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? Probably unprotected sex

97. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? Don’t want to /can’t.

98. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? That amazingly colourful bruise I got on my shin/ankle when I was 14

99. What place holds the most memories for you? Probably Fraser Island for my childhood.

100. Who was your first date? My first actual date was only about a year ago with that ripped guy that I dated.

101. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? I’ve been on some seriously awesome trips but the absolute best has to have been my most recent trip in central/south america.

102. What languages do you speak? English & español

103. How many ex’s do you have? Really depends on definition. Anywhere between 2 and 6

104. Do you swear? How much? More than I should because I worked with bogans for 3 years

105. Have you ever had food poisoning? Once and it was fucking awful, but actually not that bad as far as food poisoning goes.

106. Do you like snakes? Snakes are super rad

107. Do you gossip? I used to at work because there were just so many morons in that company

108. Do you like to party? I sure fuckin do