#which means they’re the best parent sun the fucking world i guess /s

[navysealt4t]

there’s just. blegh. like my parents don’t have to outright say ‘i hate trans ppl’ to make me feel unsafe in this house

[mediocre--writing]

Favorite Crime

S- I was your willing accomplice, honey

Bad news. Bad news, bad news, bad news.

Nobody had a single good word to his name, besides a praise for his party facade or his skills in bed.

But there's always a deeper story behind a headline, or that's what Nancy had always told him. That this unflattering headline covered a hurt, poor person who was, more than likely, being villainized for a story. That's what happened with Jonathan, right?

Bad guy has a shitty family life and it turns out he's not the villain at all, just different in a way people don't yet understand.

But how can someone so cruel and crude have a deeper story than just being a jackass?

Turns out, it's always more complicated than calculus homework Steve still doesn't understand.

A short word from Max itched a scratch inside Steve's head that had been bothering him since the first day. The way he sauntered, never just walked, nor did he ever cower, the way he always looked so fine, so perfect, so okay.

Just like Steve does, he guesses. The focus on his hair and his clothing and how he's perceived, it doesn't matter to him how he looks, he just wants people off his back.

So, it's not surprising that it was an uphill journey, more like a completely vertical wall standing between them, but they somehow made it to the top, made it together.

Somehow, despite the fights and denials, despite the reluctance and the running, it was rough, and it seemed like gravity was strongest at the top, trying to pull them down the closer they got together. They're standing at the top, this once unattainable point that seemed like the top of the world where the sun shined brightest on them and only them. Nobody else.

Except there's always someone else, isn't there?

It's not always someone falling in love with someone else or falling out of love with the one they were destined to be with, sometimes there's pressures you can't fight on your own, sometimes they're even too strong to fight with someone else. Sometimes you can't defeat your enemy like the knight slays the dragon. Sometimes you don't live happily ever after with the princess and she just stays locked in her tower until someone can actually save her.

B- Doe-eyed as you buried me

The eyes, the lashes, the soft glances in the hallway and the sweet smiles shared during practice. They all pile up over time, creating this deep, strong warmth that keeps your body warm. The warmth that you don't notice until you're separated from it for a second too long.

The fire ignited in a once ice cold heart that gives meaning and light to a corrupted soul begging for help.

Those big, brown eyes that were once referred to as "ugly cow eyes," a statement that Billy couldn't disagree with more. Because even if they were cow eyes, they were sweet, beautiful, innocent eyes that were so willing to love.

Eyes that opened his own, opened his eyes to a bright, new future he didn't even know existed before.

It was smothering, the feeling, which he hadn't felt in almost ten years now, one he didn't realize he'd forgotten what that love felt like, what being cared for felt like.

He fell into love like a poor, unexpecting animal would fall into a hunter's trap.

It was like he knew it was happening, he noticed he was falling and tried to grab onto the sides of the trap, try to claw his way out, but he inevitably fell to the bottom, laying on his back, but he noticed that this trap wasn't so bad. He could still feel the sunlight on his cheeks and there was someone there, laying next to him who offered great comfort as they waited for the predator to kill them both.

But it felt safer when there was dirt being put on top of him to keep the burning heart warm, it was like the predator wouldn't be able to spot them if they hid for long enough under this false hope, because they were still stuck in the bottom of the trap and they were only digging themselves deeper.

S- And now, every time a siren sounds, I wonder if you're around

Steve's favorite color was always purple. He liked the harshness of red and the calm of blue and purple always seemed to fit the blend. It was a strong color, something he'd associated with his best days and reminded him of this innocence he loved.

He doesn't love purple so much anymore.

The neon signs above shops and restaurants, composed of this beautiful red and dashing blue turned the dark mall into a bright purple.

The fireworks bouncing off the walls and their faces glowed in bright yellows and greens and blues and reds and purples.

And that purple hue covered everything that night. Not a single light was burning brighter than that purple color.

The red blood gushing down his chest wasn't beautiful and the sight of his dashing blue eyes closing was more horrifying than any sight he'd ever been forced to watch.

He hated purple. He hated the mix of blue and red and he hated the beautiful purple color that highlighted his face while he struggled to breathe, while he searched for Steve’s eyes and reached out for his hand before he just--stopped.

And the sirens, God, the sirens.

They were loud and blaring and the god damn red flashing lights were mixing with the blue lights from cop cars and Steve was so fucking sick of seeing those colors everywhere. So fucking sick of that loud blaring noise, but that also could have been a result of the concussion and blood loss he’d experienced within the past 48-ish hours.

And, he gets it, that sometimes people just don’t get lucky enough to make it.

But it’s been close to three months and every time a cop car or ambulance passes him, he just wants to sprint after it, like he wanted to that night, just to see him one more time before the inevitable ends it for good.

The inevitable, isn’t it always funny that you can stop it? Or--could have stopped it. There’s always a solution that could have prevented this “unpreventable” event, yet people pretend it isn’t so. That people die because it’s “meant to be” and not a tragic fate that no good person deserves.

The inevitable, isn’t so inevitable, turns out, on a day in November when Max admits a hidden truth.

And they meet again, but it feels the same. They missed each other unlike any person they hadn’t seen. They just sit for hours, barely talking but just holding hands, squished on this tiny hospital bed where a, supposedly dead, teenager and his boyfriend sit and silently cry.

And as they hear an ambulance pull up outside of the hospital, Steve doesn’t tense like he has been for the past months, he just squeezes Billy’s hand tighter and feels his breathing from where they’re touching.

B- But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

The camaro, the doctors warned him that he may not like driving it, some form of PTSD from the night and the accidents that had occured, but Billy felt more released from his problems as he drove the car than when he had to sit in a hospital room or talk with his step sister and the nerd herd about...well, anything.

And the sunrise, how beautiful sunrises were above treelines as you release your problems with a loud rev of an engine.

He’d done his morning like he always would, made coffee when he woke up, got dressed, poured an extra cup for Steve, kissed him on the forehead when he left it on the nightstand, then lounged around the living room for a while.

Except today was different.

Billy wasn’t getting up at 6am, he was getting up at 5.

And he didn’t get dressed and lounge around, he got dressed and loaded his favorite things into his car.

But he was making the cup of coffee for Steve to wake up to when he got up at 7, it just probably wouldn’t be as hot as it usually was.

There’s a new step, but just for this day. He rips off a piece of paper from the notepad that they left by the phone.

He rips off the corner, enough to fold in half so it sits upright on the nightstand.

He draws a sloppy heart, one Steve always said just looked like a fat ‘X’, and signs a little ‘B’ in his “fancy prince handwriting” as Steve always called it.

He set the paper next to the cup of coffee, pulled up the sheets on his side of the bed, pushed Steve’s messy bed head back and left a soft peck on his forehead, then one on the tip of his nose. Steve’s pink, chapped lips moved into a soft, dopey smile as Billy pulled the blankets over his chest more, it was starting to get cold with October approaching.

The camaro roared under him as he started it up and pulled out of the driveway, working his way West, all the way to California: somewhere where his abusive dad wasn’t around and neither was the pressure to hide himself.

He hid everything, his sexualities, a majority of his home problems, his mental issues, how he’d see things, things that weren’t there and never had been. He’d continue wearing himself thin trying to keep up this facade, it was like he’d pushed himself down so far he forgot what he was supposed to like, what he used to hate.

For the best. This was better because he didn’t feel like Billy, he felt like different versions of some other person who was acting the role of Billy. Felt like his personalities didn’t match from person to person, lost the cathartic feeling of exposing all his thoughts to Steve, it made him feel guilty.

And Steve didn’t deserve that. Never did.

Billy was never good for him. He split everything up. Split up his own parents' marriage, he was the cause of most of their fights, and he ruined any and every relationship he’d ever been in, even the ones with Max or other people his age that he could have been a real friend to.

He still thinks about Steve, often. Thinks about him with a fond smile but hates how he was around him. Hated that feeling of hiding who he really was any time he was with this person who was supposed to be the best thing for him.

Hated the way Steve made him feel the need to pull at the reins to stop but made him want to go faster, faster, faster.

Hated Steve. Hated the way he loved him, but he just couldn’t force himself to be that happy.

Well, I hope I was your favorite crime...'Cause baby, you were mine.

[carbootsoul]

erika+ephriam+lyon for ask game 👀? and a witch hat character of your choosing if you like as well :3v

omg clint you're spoiling me :) also this is mostly unrelated but i was listening to kat flint today and a) her music is so good thank u for introducing it to me years ago and b) VERY witch hat atelier vibes which was fun. im putting my answers under a cut bc i am sooo verbose about characters

eirika: a song that reminds me of them: this is just the first that came to mind but oh what a world by rufus wainwright! oh what a world my parents gave me / always traveling but not in love. the rly interesting mix of idealism and pragmatism that she embodies- both being in awe of and in love with the world and the people in it but also not hesitating to accept that they are in a war and the tragedies that come with it what they smell like: i think for most of the game she smells like sweat and dirt an otp: eirika and l'arachel is actually the best ship in the whole entire world they're sooo funny. they keep meeting and every time eirika is like ???? and l'arachel is just falling head over heels in love a notp: eirika and lyon romance honestly very textually relevant in the game and adds to the story and whatever but they're both so absolutely homosexual that i can't conceptualize it favorite platonic/familial relationships: eirika and ephraim 🥺🥺 but also eirika and seth he's such a good big brother figure!! but also eirika and colm and eirika and tana and eirika and lyon. it's like.. rag tag army as family.. a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: there are like two posts about her on tumblr dot com but her fire emblem heroes characterization makes me insane shut up about your brother shut up about your brother the position they sleep in: on her side one leg curled to her chest

ephraim a song that reminds me of them: omg lies by marina abt his relationship with lyon. you're too proud to say that you made a mistake / you're a coward till the end i really wish we had been able to see more of ephraims reaction to the true story of what happened with lyon, since he obviously forgives him but also seems to be angry about it and that's such a good dynamic. also oc can't let you go / i just want it to be perfect / to believe it's all been worth the fight. they make me... ugh what they smell like: he has also been living in tents for months so he probably also smells like horses and sweat an otp: ephraim and lyon do get to me... 🥺 also he and innes as a like teenage fling is hilarious to me they're so funny to each other i can't believe they don't have supports a notp: if i ever see another incest joke i'm killing someone favorite platonic/familial relationships: he and his sister are so good!! they're so siblings! a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: again i have never rly interacted with the fe fandom but something from canon i disagree with is the assignment of the sun to him and the moon to his sister he is so obviously the lunar twin im furious abt this the position they sleep in: absolutely sprawled out. he takes up as much space as is given to him

lyon a song that reminds me of them: ache with me by against me just happened to be playing rn but it's very him. do you share the same sense of defeat / have you realized all the things you'll never be / ideals turn to resentment, open minds close up with cynicism / i've got no judgement for you / come on and ache with me. what they smell like: roses but in a fucked up revolutionary girl utena way like the roses symbolize something sinister an otp: lyon and ephraim.. admittedly lyon is kind of carrying why this ship is compelling with his tragic backstory but ephraim is such a boy so he's important too a notp: see eirika :/ favorite platonic/familial relationships: he and eirika and ephraim as a unit are so important to me they are so [unintelligible] a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: i haven't rly seen this much but i guess any tendency to soft-boy him bc of his character design like this guy sucks a lot and he has a lot of flaws that almost ended the world :/ the position they sleep in: hugging a pillow

and for the wha character.. agott bc she's so girl :) a song that reminds me of them: pretty little things by the crane wives! but trust is now something i make people earn / so i'm not inclined to just give it away / to a pair of blue eyes with some nice things to say what they smell like: grass in the best way possible! an otp: she and coco are SO !! im in love with them. sasunaru dynamic but better in every way. all the panels of coco hugging or complimenting agott and agott blushing furiously are the new wonders of the world. shipping kids in media always feels a little weird but i think they're a rly cute like first crush dynamic a notp: i dont think she's been shipped with anyone else lol favorite platonic/familial relationships: agott and olruggio are rly interesting to me! i've probably just drawn lines between them because they're both grumpy but i could definitely see agott becoming for coco what olruggio is for qifrey and i love when children are friends with their adult narrative foil it's about helping the younger generation overcome the things that they couldn't! it's also about olruggio being able to connect with agott because they're both grumpy :) a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: not a headcanon bc again the fandom is tiny but so much of her tag is ppl being mean to her about what she did in the second (?) volume like yeah that was mean but she's like 12! 12 year olds do fucked up stuff all the time they're still learning what interpersonal relationships are the position they sleep in: on her stomach clutching her pillow a crossover au i’d love to see them in: anything that would allow her to say swear words my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn: the like single panel where tetia is getting mad at her about not liking wearing costumes and it shows her dressed as a prince! she looks so good

djskflj i feel like i wrote a novel about each of them and tbh i do not know if u will make any sense out of it but thank u for sending this it was super fun to think about them for a while!!!

[willowaudreykeyes]

Red Stains On The Sun

Warnings: Self-harm, bullying mention, racism mention, blood, knife, injury, wing injury (non-permanent), facial scars, paralysis mention, swearing

Medusa-esque Remy, Dragon Janus, Indian Janus

@ladyedwinya​ @sparrowofsong​ @5am-the-foxing-hour​

-------------------------------------------

Remy

Despite the amount of coffee that I drink weekly, it’s surprising that I’m not as antsy and jittery as I am right now. The weapons stowed away behind my enchanted sunglasses dart between every person on the street despite my insistence to look between my phone and coffee cup. It’s a Medusa’s instinct I guess; but I don’t have the time to explain why forty people in the street are paralysed in place. I’m uncharacteristically worried and my coffee cup is both too full and too empty for my liking; so I’d only be grumpy and irritated to whatever copper that stopped me.

My best friend, a sarcastic but secretly loving bitch, is way too quiet after the last week of constant tears and comforting, so sue me for being worried about him. The very act of being weak in front of others is so unlike Janus already, and now he’s just silent instead of deflecting the topic by ranting about another or constantly denying the building tears in his eyes. 

It’s strange and I don’t like it.

It’s not normal for Janus to let his calls go to voice mail only an hour after he gets home from school ‒he’d prefer to pick up and tell whatever person who dared call him during his studying hour to fuck off– and even if he had left it to voice mail, he would call back within the hour. It’s been five since I last saw him quickly flying away from school grounds, ignoring me as I called his mobile as he flew away.

I make sure to adjust my glasses properly before rushing on into his apartment building and climbing the stairs, two at a time. I can feel the coffee slosh around in my hand, but that’s what the lid is for. Besides, the carpet is brown enough to not tell the difference between it and a coffee stain. 

The few drops of red just outside of Janus’ apartment door sure is visible against his mostly-yellow welcome mat though.

“Janus!? Jan, babe, open the door!”

After moments without a reply, I press my ear up to the door in the hopes of hearing… something that helps me. His parents haven’t been home in weeks because they’re business assholes who went to Fiji or something, so the light tapping sound that I have to strain to hear must be him. Or maybe a pipe in the wall.

“Jan! I know you’re home, babes! Let me in. Please!?” Nothing but that tapping sound replies back to the increasing franticness of my voice. I wordlessly thank the stupid adults who thought teaching a magic-born teenager how to pick a lock was a good idea and put down my coffee to take out the small bits of metal that live inside my jacket’s inner pocket.

With practiced hands, the door opens in under a minute, and I rush inside once I grab a hold of my cup in my now-shaking hands. The small blood drops lead me straight to the kitchen where a familiar pair of snake-themed socks peek out from behind a counter. 

My heart stops as I race over to them, seeing the dragon-boy attached to them curled up on the floor, knife in one blood covered hand as the other holds a scaled wing at a strange angle. The sun-dipped scales of his wing are hidden behind a smothering of bright blood, along with the scarred warm brown skin that the blood threatens to hide beneath its foulness.

Words trap themselves inside my throat as his brown eyes, the golden sparkles reflecting the red of his blood scarily well, sit unfocused in the wings’ direction while the knife slowly approaches it. He aims it towards a slight cut that’s as close to his shoulder as he can reach, the blood still flowing from it and hiding how deep it truly is.

My coffee is on the floor, and his eyes are on mine just as I realise what his goal is.

“Fuck- Remy, Y… You weren’t supposed to s-see me yet!” His stained red fingers shakily grip onto the knife tighter, yet sink away from the open cut slightly. The shake in his voice is almost like another person, as Janus doesn’t stutter. He doesn’t freak out and cuss freely. Those precise hands of his don’t shake.

But he does. And he is. Oh fuck, he’s really going to do this… 

“Wait, Rem, just… j-just give me… Give me a little longer. Just a b-bit longer...” 

“S-Stop…” The lump in my throat hardens and becomes painful as my legs give out, letting me fall to my knees by his side and take the bloodied knife away from his hand before he can react. He stutters in protest as I throw it over my shoulder, making a loud clang as it hits the bottom of the sink, and I take both his hands into mine. “I don’t want this, Jan.”

“L-Liar…” His throat bobs as he harshly swallows; avoiding my eyes as his wings twitch and try to fit him as they sit in dangerously bad positions. “No o-one wants them… Or me…”

“Those bullies are the fucking liars-”

“I’m a monster, Rem…” Jan sniffs as a few tears manage to shift a small trail of blood down a bit, with their only real achievement being that they’re turning his eyes bloodshot from crying. “You know that I’m adopted… Not even m-my real parents wanted me...”

“I do, dumbass.” 

I shift our hands so that I can hold them both with just one of mine; using the thumb of my free hand to gently turn his head by the chin to look back at me. I can see the small hairs that frame his face begin to fade back to a dark brown instead of the gorgeous gold that he loves to dye, getting stuck to his forehead with blood and sweat. The specks of gold in his eyes now reflect my dark sunglasses, causing his eyes to darken and make their bloodshot nature more prevalent. The slowly forming frown line that grows every time someone pisses him off and causes him to spout out line after line of insults sits behind the blood spatter that managed to cover the majority of it.

How anyone thought of Janus as a monster without getting to really know him, and how amazing of a friend he is behind the sass and self-defensive insults, is the real monster in the world.

“You may be a monster, but so am I. So are the twins… They’re bloodsuckers, babe. Apart from ghouls, they’re the only ones that have to drink actual blood to survive. And my ancestor was a bitch who killed people and made them into badly-posed lawn ornaments.”

“But you don’t have th… these wings! They’re wings of criminals!” Stupid, dragon racism can go fuck itself. “Th-The stupid, fucking scars are ugly and a headache to look at, too...” 

“Your dark scars are prettier than their tanned six-packs and stupid, jock faces could ever be. Plus…” I release his chin to lightly boop him on the nose, gaining a smile as I watch his face scrunch up and show off the dark freckles over his forehead and scarless cheek that manages to peek past the blood. “If your  bestie and close friends think that you’re cute and an amazing person, then who fucking cares about what some assholes say?”

His flustered hiss of reply draws out a short laugh from me. While the hint of a smile plays along his lips for the first time in a while, which is all I need from him for now.

“I-I… I apologi-”

“Uh uh. Shush your face, pretty scales.” I shift, quickly kissing the top of his head before grabbing the bandages and wet rag that sat on the bench behind him that he was probably going to use once the deed was done. The thought sends a shiver down my back, but I ignore it and show the wet rag to him. “I gotta patch and clean you up, carry you to the couch, let you pass out on me, then wake up to buy coffee for us both before I clean up the blood and coffee that would be dry by then– but fuck cleaning it today.”

Caffeine can wait; there’s always another cup of coffee tomorrow; Janus surviving this means more than a measly three dollars. Luckily enough, once the blood slows down I can see that he barely managed to cut through the scales and skin of his wing and that he had hardly gotten to the muscle and nerves. I wouldn’t have a clue on how to tell him that he’s fucked up any future late-night flights, so at least I wasn’t too late to stop him. Although, I’d much prefer it if I didn’t have to see any of his blood.

“If you want to try and cut off a limb again, come talk to me first? Please, Janus?”

“... I’ll try to.”

“That’s all I ask for, babe.” I doubt Janus will ever be open enough to tell us when he needs help, but I’m sure he can become a little better at it. The depressing look in his eyes shows how much he regrets doing this; it was probably a hurried thing from the looks of it. So giving him some cuddles to calm him down as soon as possible will hopefully bring back the sass that I know this snakey-dragon can dish out. “I promise that this won’t take too long, and then we can go have some water and crackers before having a nap.” 

And while we snack, I’m sure I can think of a few ideas on how a half a dozen kids can become ‘accidentally’ completely paralyzed just before their next big sports event...

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #291

“clothes trailing from the backdoor, to the bedroom, and i don’t even know your name.”

What was the last health scare you had? So I got blood tests done recently to check multiple things, and I got pretty nervous when my doctor stood beside me going through the numbers and what they meant. I was afraid she was going to tell me I had diabetes (runs in the fam, and my diet hadn't been great) or something, but I was fine. What is your favorite food to cook? Something in the microwave lmao. Do you listen to bluegrass music? Ew. What was the last novel you read about? Well it' s part of a series so it'd be hard to explain briefly... but dragons. That'll do ig, lol. If there is a tree right outside your window, what kind is it? There's a small one. Idk what it is. What is your favorite filling for a piece of chocolate? Caramel. What is your favorite thing to draw? If you take a look at my work history... I apparently love drawing meerkats screaming for one reason or another lmao. Do you like abstract art? Not very much. There are of course exceptions to this, but it's definitely not my favorite and sometimes doesn't even feel like "art" to me. Would you ever want to be a painter? No. My Painting course in school taught me it's too damn stressful, the idea of messing up. Even though it's technically fixable. There's just a lot about painting I don't like. I'd much rather draw and color traditionally. What is your passion? Some of my biggest consists of gay rights (or really just equal rights as a whole), meerkats, pacifism, photography, just art in general, stuff like that. I feel things very deeply, so there's really a lot. What fascinates you? NATURE!!!!!!! SO MUCH ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Do you have art on your walls? In my room, I have three of my meerkat projects on the wall with my meerkat collection, and my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun overlap drawing is with my Silent Hill stuff. What kind of collection would you like to start? I have a decent amount of stuff, but I really would love to pump up my SH collection. It has SO much merch that I would die for, stuff is just mad expensive. If I was to start a new collection, bitch I need Markiplier stuff so bad, I'm too awkward to ask for that shit for holidays 'n stuff. ;;_;; Do you enjoy the sound of birds chirping? I sure do. If you had the money, would you travel the world? I feel like I'd go to less locations than most people you could ask this question, but I'd definitely go places, yeah. If you could travel the world, which country would you want to go to first? South Africa. Make my meerkat dreams come true. :') Do you get drunk? I haven't before, and I don't actually aim to when I drink (which is very rare) and I'm apparently no lightweight, so I doubt I ever will. Don't feel like I'm missing out, honestly. Do you get high? Nah. Have you ever used a prescription medication to get high? No. Does sunlight make you happier? Guys. This is science. I used to hate the sun so much, but it's good for you. Open your windows on a clear day; your body will thank you. It takes getting used to, but please, don't coop yourself up in the dark. Do you live a boring life? My life is excruciatingly boring. Like not to sound depressing, but half the time I wish I wasn't even alive because I'm so bored lmao. Have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? Do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse? No, but it's been threatened upon me. I don't support it, no, but then again I don't believe in traditional "profanity." My hypothetical four-year-old could say "that fucking hurt" in our own household, and just a simple word indicating (s)he was really in pain wouldn't faze me for a blink. I do believe out of respect though, that you should educate your children when "profanity" isn't allowed, like in school and such. You don't shove potentially toxic shit into your kid's mouth to teach them something. What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore? This definitely depends on the child. Are they spooked easily? How mature are they? Do they understand what's not to be replicated? It would vary with the film, too. Do you have any wind chimes outside your house? How many? No, but I'd love to. Wind chimes are great. Do you have a flat stomach? Would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off? I hate my stomach more than I do any other part of my body, so guess. Would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)? omfg hell YES Do you think your biological parents love each other? They're long-divorced and Dad's been remarried for a long time while Mom only has negative shit to say about him, so like... What's one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet? *Dying* to, I don't know if one exists. Birds of Prey probably tops my want-to-see list, though. Harley moving past Joker? Girl you fuckin go ilu. What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? To never leave me because of my illnesses. Nope, he sure didn't. Does thunder & storms scare you? Nah, not usually. It's funny, I was TERRIFIED of them as a kid, especially if I wasn't with my mom, but now I find them beautiful and sometimes even relaxing. Now, wind, I fucking hate wind. I associate bad winds with tornadoes, so fuck outta here w/ that. Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google. Do you sing in front of people? NO. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? Groups of older men. Are your parents overprotective? No. A recent creation that you’re proud of? I took family pictures for a repeat client recently, and I'm really happy with how some came out. Who’s your favorite comedian? Living, I'm unsure. It was John Pinette. What makes you squeamish? Vomit and fecal matter top the list. Do you have any online friends that you wanna keep, but not meet? Maybe a couple that I don't know too well? Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? No. I see a lot of potential problems with that should it become a serious thing. Who would you live with if you got kicked out tomorrow? Probably my dad. What’s a pet your parents never let you have when you were a kid? A snake. I was eventually allowed though obviously, and now Mom loves Venus, though she won't hold her. Who do you wish you could change, if anyone? It's not my job to change anyone else. You have to want to change. Has your house ever been broken into? No, but my childhood home almost was by a gang. My older sister and her best friend were home alone at the time. Thank fuck they didn't get in, but they left a gang flag on our porch. Would you consider yourself a good flirt? I have no idea. What color do you wear most often? You mean to tell me black isn't the only primary color in people's wardrobes? Do you like your hair? Disregarding the fact it gets oily way too fast, yes. Have you ever driven while under the influence? No, I would absolutely never. Did you enjoy your last kiss? Yeah. Would you ever take boudoir photos for a significant other? (or have you?) Considering I literally love boudoir, I would if I didn't hate the fuck outta my body and would be too embarrassed to ever do it. What is your biggest guilty pleasure? Maybe makeup guru channels lmaooo. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but actually ending up enjoying? I'm unsure. I don't really go into watching a movie I think I'll hate, especially when I watch so few movies to begin with. Do you like where you live? I'm not a fan of the suburbs, but it's a better place than where we were. Are you a jealous person? I'm learning that apparently I might be, at least sometimes. Is there anyone you want to fix things with? There are a few. Last time you walked further than a block? I couldn't tell you. I walk a few feet (that's not an exaggeration) and am in pain because of the muscle atrophy in my legs. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NO. NUH-UH. NOPE. Do you get dessert normally while out to eat? No. Who was your first kiss? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Have you ever found a stray dog & found its owners? Not that I recall. Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Not everything, no. When was the last time you told someone you love them? Last night. Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed? Ma. When was the last time that you were genuinely happy? Good damn question. Have you ever dyed your hair? Plenty of times. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? I don't know; when you hate your body enough, you'll do a lot to avoid that. Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? Yes. Ever dated someone who was gorgeous but they had a conceited personality? No. A conceited asshole is the last kind of person I'm dating. Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? Well I mean what's the vibe lmao Do you like to cuddle? Yeah, if we're a close couple and it's not too hot. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Nah. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? I wish we could, but even if he was willing, I don't think "friendship" is possible between us. What is something “cheesy” that you own? Ha, I have this feminine-looking "she believed she could so she did" wall decor thing... I can't remember if I bought it or if it was gifted. What is something that gets your creative juices flowing? MUSIC!!! What drink are you most likely to order at a bar? Some kind of margarita. What is the most interesting class that you took in high school or college? Mythology, I guess? When was the last time that you’ve ever played Spin the Bottle? I never have to begin with. If you were an adult film star or a stripper, what would your stage name be? I can't even try to entertain this question. Even if I WANTED to be one, I would never be hired. I couldn't seriously think of a name. Have you ever wanted to be a cheerleader? No, not even when I was one as a kid lmao. Have you ever been dumped? What was the reason for it? Yeah. The first one, he couldn't handle my depression anymore. With my last partner, we kinda had a mutual agreement that to save us from potential later heartbreak, we needed to work more on ourselves right now. What was the last R-rated movie you watched? Hm. Idk. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Have you ever had lice? No. What is the most childish thing that you still do? I mean, with RP, you could argue that I still "play pretend." Have you ever watched a movie you knew you shouldn’t? As a kid, I'm pretty sure I was not supposed to see whatever Scary Movie film it was when I did, aha. Have you ever wanted to try LARP (Live Action Role-Play)? Nah. I'm awkward enough explaining I just write it. If you could go back in time and erase one thing you said or did, what would it be? The "thanks for sending me to the hospital" message to Jason. Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever embarrassed you? Jason did before, if we're counting past partners. Have you ever thought about cheating on your partner? I never thought of that in any relationship, no. Have you ever been caught checking someone out? Not to my recollection. Not that I even do that much. Have you ever cried because you missed your parents so much? Oh, absofuckinglutely as a little kid. I had BAD separation anxiety from my mom. Have you ever posted something on social media that you regret? OH BOY HAVE I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever ding dong ditched someone? No. Which is worst: Snakes, scorpions, or spiders? I adore snakes. Some spiders scare me, especially if they catch me by surprise. Scorpions aren't native here, so I've actually never come across one, so I'd probably be more curious than frightened. Is there an attic and/or a basement in your house? An attic, yeah. Have you ever been bitten by a tick? Has anyone not? Well, I suppose this depends on your environment. Playing outside in the country as a kid a lot, and especially walking through tall grass to reach fishing spots with Dad, I've had lots. I'm terrified of parasites so those were never fun times. What color is your mom’s car? White. Have you ever had a bird or a squirrel in your house? No. How high off the ground is your bed? The average, ig. What is the cutest breed of dog? That's such a hard question, but I think I tend to lean towards pugs, though I don't support breeding them or any other type that is a medical catastrophe. What is something other people say you’re good at but you think you’re not? Holding a conversation. I call BS. What does your bedside lamp look like? It's a creamy color with a floral design. It was already here at the house when we moved in. Do you like your neighbors? I don't know them. Does your room need to be cleaned? I need to finish decorating it... and dust the dresser. What was the last bug you saw? Ugh, a fucking ant. This house has had an ant problem before, and now they're showing up in my room here and there. Do you place any value in gender roles? Literally zero. Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? Well, I suppose it would depend on the person. How strong is that platonic relationship? Are you in love? Do you want to be? I don't think *in* love anymore, no; I reasoned myself out of that. I think most people WANT to be in the name of companionship, and being a pretty hopeless romantic, your wild guess would probably be right. Would you be happy with a life without romance? I'd live. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? No. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Nope. Religion only ever brought me confusion, pain, and frustration. Are your choices fated or of your own free will? I am very much a believer in free will and that you sculpt your own fate. Was your childhood happy? For the most part. What are you missing from your life? Excitement. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? No. And if my country did something fucked up, I wouldn't stand with the masses just because I live here. What’s the latest YouTube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched? Snake Discovery, like, hardcore. Does it snow where you live? Every now and then, but it's super rare for the snow to stick, and it's maybe even rarer that we get a good or fun amount. Do you think your hair looks better long or short? UGGGGHHHHHH I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER W/ SHORT HAIR. Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? Not really on my phone, no. I don't have good image quality on my phone, so editing tends to make it worse. What’s your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon GO if I'm actually in a place with spawns. Which season do you wish would last longer? Sigh, autumn. At least here, the colorful phase is pretty short. It's like... green leaves one day, a beautiful display for a week, then the trees are bare. It's still my favorite season, though. Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah. Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? Nah. Do you get on Facebook every day? Pretty much. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Spice Girls, duh. Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member? No. I've got nothing against people who do, but I've just never seen the appeal of it at all. I would want my hypothetical child to have their completely own identity.

[txtdiaries]

extra elongated tag game O.o

tagged by the main bitch @gohyuck​ thanku ray ily

tagging: @hi-mishamigos​ @sweetsoobinie​ and @bffsoobin​

O N E

tell me the first song that made you stan your current fave group and why did your faves attract you so much?

ummm I’ll go with three groups: txt, nct, and ateez. for txt the song was crown I think! nct (dream) was boom (even tho I stanned long before it was released, boom locked me in) and for ateez it was HALA HALA.

—

TWO

rule: answer the ten questions and write your own!

what’s your unrealistic goal for life?

to be a millionaire by like,,, 30.

if you had known that we would be in a global pandemic, what’s one thing that you would’ve done before things shut down (if they have for you)?

My heart says miss more days of school but my brain says hang out with friends more.

what’s an unconventional thing that you carry around with you when you go out?

I always carry headphones around even if I never use them when I go out, just incase.

favourite type of plushies and why?

the long, super plush kind that mold to your touch.

favourite song right now?

selfish by madison beer (not my FAV but I’ve been listening to it a lot lately).

something that you’ve always wanted to learn?

how to not be so irritated at everyone all the time lmao.

tell a funny story about yourself (or just something that you’ve witnessed)

IM A CLOWN idk if I have any funny stories per say??? my whole life is just kinda tragic. the first story that popped into my head: once in high school my best friend and I snuck out of an assembly and hid in the bathrooms because we hated our school and everyone else in it (+ couldn't leave campus cause we couldn’t drive yet), so we stayed there for the rest of the hour just playing music and hanging out in the handicap stall. not funny but shows the kinda person I was in hs lol.

headphones or speakers? why?

headphones most of the time but speakers when I’m in my room writing at like 2 a.m.

craving any food right now? what are you craving?

at all times I am craving chicken alfredo

which music streaming platform do you prefer? why?

I use Spotify!

ten questions (by raya, answered)

1. favorite item of clothing?

I really like a lot of my long trench coat jackets I have! I think they’re rly classy and pull an outfit together.

2. if you had to smell like one scent for the rest of your life what would it be?

Lavender OR the oatmeal and shea butter body wash I use bc it smells lovely.

3. favorite painter? why?

I don’t really have one.

4. what’s your favorite horror movie (and if you don’t like horror, why not?)?

Silent Hill just bc it was the first ever like, FUCKED horror movie I ever watched without my parents.

5. iphone or android?

Iphone.

6. favorite tiktok trend (and if you don’t like tiktok, you can talk about how much influencers suck)?

I don’t have tik tok nor do I like it but I REALLY like the one trend where people play i’m just a kid by simple plan in the background and recreate their kid pictures (only bc I’m a nostalgia enthusiast lmao).

7. if you could wake up with any new ability what would it be?

I’d want the ability to time travel / teleport.

8. favorite superhero/supervillain/antihero?

Peter Parker / Spiderman has been my favorite since I was a kid (Tom Holland is v cute and amazing, but my personal fav is Andrew Garfield just bc his Peter was so SOFT and patient and dorky).

9. if you could only dress in one color for the rest of your life which color would it be?

black.

10. who’s your ult and give me five reasons why.

my ult is na jaemin (he’s the literal sun, his smile is beautiful, he’s fkn weird, he’s patient, and he’s kind).

ten questions of my own:

what is your favorite movie of all time?

describe your childhood in three words?

favorite holiday?

favorite vacation spot?

what do you think of the education system? are u a fellow slave to the gpa?

what is your hair color?

what talent do you wish you had?

what is your major + why (if you’re in hs, what do you plan on majoring in)?

do you like kids or do you merely tolerate them?

any pets?

—

THREE

rule: bold the statements that apply to you, italicize your aspirations, then tag nine people.

AIR ༉⋆͙̈

i have small hands / i love the night sky / i watch animals and birds when i pass them by / i drink herbal tea / i wake to see the dawn / the smell of dust is comforting / i’m valued for being wise / i prefer books to music / i meditate / i find joy in learning new truths from the world around me

FIRE ༉⋆͙̈

i don’t have straight hair / i like to wear ripped jeans and overalls / i play an organized sport / i love dogs / i am not afraid of adventure / i love to talk to strangers / i always try new foods / i enjoy road trips / summer is my favorite season / my radio is always playing

WATER ༉⋆͙̈

i wear bracelets on my wrists / i love the bustle of the city / i have more than one set of piercings / i read poetry / i love the sound of a thunderstorm / i want to travel the world / i sleep past midday most days / i love simply lit dinners and fluorescent signs / i rewatch kids shows out of nostalgia / i see emotions in colors not words

EARTH ༉⋆͙̈

i wear glasses or contacts / i enjoy doing the laundry / i am a vegetarian or vegan / i have an excellent sense of time / my humor is very cheerful / i am a valued advisor to my friends / i believe in true love / i love this chill of mountain air / i’m always listening to music / i am highly trusted by the people in my life

AETHER ༉⋆͙̈

i go without makeup in my daily life / i make my own artwork / i keep on track of my tasks and time / i always know true north / i see beauty in everything / i can always smell flowers / i smile at everyone i pass by / i always fear history repeating itself / i have recovered from a mental disorder / i can love unconditionally

—

FOUR

the ultimate tag: answer whichever ones you want to because there are a lot and then tag a few blogs you’d like to get to know better!

PERSONAL

name: n/a (lol)

nickname: lana

birthday: April 19 2000

zodiac: aries bitches we ride at dawn

nationality: american (gag)

languages: English, Spanish, some Korean, some French

gender: female

sexuality: idk man. straight? I guess?? (im romantically attracted to males + females but not sexually attracted to females) god. who fkn knows.

height: 5'3 ish

BLOG STUFF

inspiration for muse: idk! music I guess. it gives me lots of inspo

meaning behind my url: I wanted to represent my blog with something really intimate and chronologically laid out, and also personal. txt for Tomorrow X Together and diaries bc diaries are where you tell your deepest secrets and for me personally the first time I ever wrote stories of my own was in my diary when I was young.

blog established: may / june ish of 2019

followers: 987

FAVORITES

favourite animals: dogs, elephants

favourite books: I have a LOT idk I love a lot of the classics

favourite colour: sea foam greenish blue / sea blue / dark coral

favourite fictional characters: theodore finch (atbp), olly bright (everything, everything), four (divergent)

favourite flower: lavender 

favourite scent: lavender, shea butter + oatmeal (I have a body wash that smells like that and oof), and uhhh the smell of fresh laundry???

favourite season: autumn, winter

RANDOM

average hours of sleep: 10 on a good day, 6 on a normal day.

cats or dogs: dogs

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: coffee

current time: 9:46

dream trip: London or SK

dream job: I’d love to work with idols / entertainers in the music industry. I’d also love to be a fashion editor / designer. 

hobbies: writing, reading

hogwarts house: slytherin

last movie watched: wicker park (funny story actually, the airport scene from wicker park influenced the final airport scene in six twenty-four, aha)

last song listened to: the scientist by coldplay

no. of blankets you sleep with: one duvet and one fluffy blanket over the top of that

random fact(s): uhhh I make up the 1% of the population that has all of: the INFJ-T personality type, red hair, and green / hazel eyes.

—

F I V E

5 things i can’t stop listening to (was 10 but I can’t think or find 10 isjfsfk)

selfish - madison beer

not mine - day6

thanxx - ateez

inception - ateez

21 - gracie abrams

[duhragonball]

7 Comfort Movies

Tagged by @pandemicpicnic . List your seven favorite comfort movies, then tag 7 people.   

This is a good thing to pass around, since I could use the diversion, and as I think about this list, I realize how long it’s been since I last saw a lot of these movies.  

In no particular order...

1) Dragon Ball Z: Fusion Reborn

I dunno if these are necessarily comfort movies, as opposed to just movies I like the best, but I don’t watch movies a whole lot, so I’m guessing my all-time favorites are probably close enough.   Movie 12 is good watchin’, period.   This is a movie about everyone working together.    Friends, enemies, strangers, the living and the dead, the damned and the divine.   I watch this movie and wish that we in the real world could put aside our differences so easily and blow up all the Nazis.

2) Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

People say this is the worst Superman movie, but fuck that noise.   This is the only one where Superman throws all the nuclear weapons into the sun.    But one of them has a chicken nugget attached to it, which grows into a clone of Superman with scratchy fingernails, his only weakness.    So Superman has to kick his ass on/with the moon, and then tell everyone that nuclear war is too big a job for Superman, because we’ll just re-arm the minute his back is turned. 

This is a story about high school physics, Luthor.     Sometimes the things we fear the most are only the darker side of our greatest strengths.   If humanity has the power to destroy itself, then doesn’t that mean we have the power to save ourselves as well?   The choice is ours.  

3) Spaceballs

Some killjoys actually hated this movie, and point to it as evidence that Mel Brooks lost his touch.   I respectfully submit that those people are dumb.  Spaceballs came out during the dark years between Return of the Jedi and Phantom Menace, when we all wanted more Star Wars but thought we would never get more.    Brooks heard our pleas, and gave us this movie, which is basically Star Wars with dick jokes all over it.   People always go on about how Star Trek predicted smartphones and the Simpsons predicted the Trump administration, but only Spaceballs was prescient enough to declare: “Fuck!    Even in the future, nothing works!”

This is a story about following your heart.    If all you care about is duty, and obligation, and profit, you’ll end up marrying some dullard, or owing your soul to a talking pizza, or roaming the universe in search of air.   

4) Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

This is the best Batman movie ever, and maybe even the best comic book movie period.    In 1994, Batman the Animated Series was popular enough that they made a feature film and ran it in theaters and everything.  I remember some smartass article at the time questioning whether parents would see the point in taking their kids to watch a movie of something that’s on TV for free, which is just dumb.    It’s not like they ran four episodes of the TV series for this thing.   It’s an original story!   Anyway, Batman has to figure out what the deal is with this new vigilante who fights crime with murder, which is also a crime.   He also gets very sad in place and it’s very emotional and I bought the soundtrack as soon as I could because I wanted to listen to it and feel things.

This is a story about the future, and promises, and the roads not taken.   And when all is said and done, maybe the choices we made were the right ones after all, in spite of our second-guesses.

5) Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

I considered putting Revenge of the Sith on this list, since that’s usually the one I look up clips from on YouTube, but there’s no topping Jedi.   I saw this in the theatre when I was six and everything was awesome.    Jabba the Hutt, wint-o-green lightsabers, speeder bikes, Ewoks breaking stuff with logs and rocks, it’s just a pleasure to watch.   Also, this movie introduces Emperor Palpatine, and lays the foundation for the Sith lore that made me love Revenge of the SIth in the first place.  Not long after we got home from seeing this movie in 1983, I tried to draw this scene in the screencap above, because it left such a deep impression on me.   

This is a story about feelings.    Every butthole in Star Wars is always telling everyone else what to feel and how much they should feel it, and don’t get too attached to this or that.     But in this movie Luke has to exercise restraint and then cut loose, give into his passions and then reign them in, care for his friends and family but also be willing to let them go.    Everyone can give him advice, but he’s got to hoe that row himself, and figure it out as he goes.   He doesn’t always get it exactly right, but he still gets it.   

6) The Transformers: The Movie (1986)

The historians will say that cartoons like the original Transformers were nothing more than glorified toy commercials, made possible by the deregulation of children’s entertainment in the 1980′s.    I find this incredibly unfair, because that analysis ignores the fact that Transformers was a fucking awesome cartoon.    They’re all robots, so they could shoot and punch each other without any guff from standards and practices. And since the show was designed to promote an entire toy line, there were literally dozens of characters, each given a surprising amount of character and personality.   Starscream (center) and Ramjet (right) are practically the same toy, but kids wanted both of them because Starscream is a whiny, shitty drama queen, and Ramjet is a dumbass who likes to hit things with his head.     Astrotrain (left) is just a cool dude who can be a train or a space shuttle. 

This movie is the height of the franchise, where they could raise the stakes even higher, and introduce even crazier concepts like planet-eating monsters and robots actually killing each other for keeps.    I see fans from my generation acting all traumatized over all the deaths, like they never should have done that in a movie marketed for children, but this was a story about renewal.   The old order changeth, and it falls to the newcomers to rise up and carry on.    I’ve always taken a lot of comfort in the way these characters pass the torch.    The Smurfs were never brave enough to have Papa Smurf name his successor.  

7) UHF

Geez, I haven’t watched this one in forever.    I’d have to double-check to see if I even have it on DVD.    UHF was the ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic vehicle from the late 1980′s.   I want to say ‘89.    He plays a guy who takes over a TV station and runs all these ludicrous shows on it until it becomes the most popular channel in town.   It’s basically a bunch of sketch comedy stitched together into a movie, and it doesn’t try to apologize for this.  

This is a story of the importance of imagination, and of being true to yourself.   Al’s character has trouble finding a steady job, and its’ easy to conclude that there’s something wrong with him, but it’s really just that he hasn’t found the right opportunity for his passions and skills.   Once he finds his place, he rises to the occasion.  

And that’s my list.   Now I gotta tag people.   @auralime, @ediblenonsense, @semercury​, @twobellsilence​, @drowning-in-this-starry-serenade​, @cozymochi​, and @glintea​.

[dizzyspellbook]

answer from aries to 12th house. all of them. please.

oh my god ahahhhaaha WELL OKAY.

aries: what are you passionate about?

I am passionate about making art, connecting with people, and helping others the best that I can. when I can help teach someone something important or help them access their own tools, that’s such an amazing feeling!

taurus: name 3 of your favorite books.

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell, The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly, Circe by Madeline Miller, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. all ABSOLUTE bangers. also fuck u I work at a literature company I can put a fourth book if I want.

gemini: what was the last text you sent?

“i shifted how i was sitting and was like ‘oh stabby, cool’” my friends will know what this is about

cancer: if you could choose your child’s zodiac sign, what would it be?

n/a (don’t want kids)

leo: name something you love about yourself.

I LOVE. how creative I am. I mean I constantly bounce between like five different hobbies and I just love looking at the things I’ve created and feeling proud of myself and remembering how much fun I had making the thing! plus, my art has helped me connect with so many people and has helped so many people and that’s just. ahh. so rad!!

virgo: what’s your #1 pet peeve?

I HAVE TO NAME JUST ONE? LMAO. honestly i think i’ll have to say when people are not aware of their surroundings—whether that’s people walking too slowly in front of me or someone just standing like a dummy in the middle of the aisle/sidewalk like buddy come on people have to Go Here.

libra: describe your dream partner.

my dream partner is patient, funny, handsome, supportive, excited, and understanding! he also has been dating me for over five years. :^)

scorpio: do you trust easily?

this is an interesting one. I... don’t think so? and that’s not because I expect people to hurt me, I just have a lot of walls and a front I tend to put up until I’m close with someone. and scorpio is my dominant sign so hey that’s fitting. I can’t always rationally tell whether or not I’m vibing with someone, but if I notice myself struggling to be myself or behave like I normally would because of my protective walls, I know they’re not a good fit for me. (also this isn’t because I’m not friendly or outgoing, it just takes a minute for people to get to know me a bit deeper. asndgntdn i’m overexplaining lol)

sagittarius: if you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be?

bro uh. you know i see why people romanticize traveling a lot, it’s supposed to be this really revealing experience—and I did get to study abroad in college, and it was a powerful and introspective experience—but now that I’m older and have a job and medications and illnesses and disabilities I just don’t know how feasible traveling would be for me. THAT BEING SAID: it’s on my bucket list to spend a few nights to a week in a cabin with paints and books and just fucking chill.

capricorn: what’s your dream job?

currently my goal is to become an adolescent therapist, but if that doesn’t flesh out, something else in the realm of social work or accessibility. and obviously I want enough time and energy to keep making art!

aquarius: do you believe in aliens?

scientifically, yeah! there has got to be intelligent life out there. spiritually, yes! I tend to think of deities as higher-vibrational creatures that can interact with us—similar to spirits and ghosts.

pisces: describe someone you love.

my mom is nerdy and gets excited about small things, from glitter to videogames. she has almost as many tattoos as me, and almost all of them are geeky references. she and i are both traumatized and chronically ill in similar ways, which I think has strengthened our relationship in my adulthood. though, I was always close with her—she always made sure to support whoever we were as children and teens and give us the resources we needed to succeed. :’)

sun: describe yourself in 3 words.

kind, balanced, sensitive

moon: what’s your favorite song?

Such Great Heights by The Postal Service!!!! it’s been my fav song for like, fifteen years

rising/asc: how would you describe your style?

lazy nonbinary wearing nothing but sweaters as they wait for surgery lol

mars: are you easily angered?

no—and in fact, it took me some time and a fair amount of therapy to be able to access my own anger after leaving an abuser. (though I DO get annoyed easily, see the question about pet peeves lolol)

venus: what’s your aesthetic?

i..... what the fuck is my aesthetic outside of my style. what does this mean. raw art, forests, sunsets, rain, i guess???

mercury: what color do you talk in?

green. sometimes, orange! other times, deep sea blue. but usually green.

jupiter: what moral do you live by?

be the best version of you that you can be, listen to the messages the universe sends you, and enjoy your life. be kind to others.

saturn: what’s your biggest fear?

living a dull, unhappy life and not making the most out of the life I have. making decisions out of fear and not going anywhere.

uranus: are you rebellious?

ok so not needlessly so, but whenever it comes to rules I think are dumb as shit, yes. yes. I was the kid in high school who got straight A’s but talked back to the subs when they were being unreasonable lol. I just tend to think “well I’ll do this my own way” when I don’t like something.

neptune: share one of your dreams.

I want to live in a brick house. I think they are so cute. I want a window nook seat, and a tower/fun shaped attic where a library can be—I want a yard for my doggy and a space for me to paint.

pluto: what’s the biggest thing you’ve learned by far in your life?

people are healing.

lilith: do you have any guilty pleasures?

sure! I like to imbibe in some drink or smoke and zone into a dumb videogame every once in a while.

chiron: have you ever broken a bone?

i broke my nose as a child!

ceres: are you a momfriend?

I used to be, now I think of myself more as a mentor and friend than the mom friend. being the mom is exhausting.

pallas: do you have a good relationship with your parents?

my mom, yes!

juno: do you believe in soul mates?

of course! not just romantic soul mates—there are many different kinds.

1st house: are you confident?

yes! most of the time, lol. until i am outside and constantly looking over my shoulder because ptsd has eaten my brain

2nd house: if you could only keep one of your personal items, what would you choose?

probably my laptop because of all the stuff on it, art programs, etc.

3rd house: do you like to read?

yesss!! see above with my book suggestions. I’m working on Dune right now.

4th house: what does your bedroom look like?

cozy! half messy, half not. we still have boxes we need to unpack at the foot of our bed, but I’ve decorated my dresser with a lot of memorable items—my necklace tree, photos, instax, we have a couple plants, oh and my altar is in here too!

5th house: name your favorite movie or show.

Avatar: The Last Airbender for surreeee

6th house: do you participate in community service?

not currently—while I like the idea of it, I feel like I don’t have the time or battery level with commissions and art and working full time and working out and taking care of a dog.

7th house: if you could choose, what zodiac sign would you like your dream partner to be?

man I don’t like this one, every zodiac sign has its ups and downs and further, combinations of zodiac signs are what make people truly unique—not to mention peoples’ life experiences!

8th house: do you believe in reincarnation?

yes, absolutely!

9th house: what’s your favorite quote?

not to be boring but I don’t think I have one, and I don’t really want to pull one out of my ass for the sake of answering this question. :(

10th house: are you good at public speaking?

surprisingly yes! I’ve got a good blend of professional and cracking the occasional joke.

11th house: what sign(s) is your best friend/squad?

LET’S SEE. we’ve got a cap, a gem, a gem/cancer cusp, a cancer, a libra, and a pisces.

12th house: do you like to be alone?

lmao tonight i hung out with my partner and her date and after a movie i was like “i’m gonna be a party pooper and go to bed and by go to bed I mean get on my bed and draw while listening to music” so yes, I sure do like being alone.

[starhelmed]

         —  looks  like  MELODY HAWKINS  is  attending  AURORIA  UNIVERSITY  in  auradon.  they’re  the  TWENTY ONE  years  old  child  of  JIM HAWKINS,  which  means  they’re  from MONTRESSOR.  heard  they’re BUBBLY  &  INVENTIVE,  but  can  also  be CLUMSY  &  ANXIOUS  ;  we all have our bad days.  people  normally  associate  them  with  SPRING FLOWERS WRAPPED IN NEWSPAPER, PETAL PINK LIPGLOSS & PASTEL PAINTED COGS.  

death tw.            : (

Melody Andromeda Hawkins. taurus sun & sagittarius moon and cancer rising.

pinterest

Former (space) pirate, current lead vocalist & university student, aspiring coffee shop owner

Melody is the eldest twin of former space military cadets, Jim & Kate Hawkins. and by eldest, she is older than rhythm nebula hawkins by roughly 15 minutes and holds onto that piece of information like a crutch

Born on Montressor at the original Benbow inn, Melody is quite literally out of this world, as was their entire family really. The life on Montressor was peaceful and quiet ; till fire & ashes smothered the childhood home & taking the family for all that they had; only managing to save a few small belongings as the family fled from the atmosphere on their ship.

there was nothing tying the Hawkins to montressor after sarah, melody’s grandmothers’, passing the year previous and thus, the star faring family decided to test their fate once more amongst the stars.

eventually ; they settled on auradon. greeted warmly by all the people, they were allowed citizenship on the premise that they were the heroes of their story. but then again, isn’t everyone the hero of their own story?

they bought a small plot of land on a cliff south of notre dame and built themselves a new life. the family was happy & content, their past of starfaring as much a fairytale, gone but not forgotten, as everyone elses fates.

the New Benbow Inn as it was creatively named was melody’s home, and the only home that she really remembers. it was soft & warm, and always filled with a variety of characters. But will all the villains trapped on the Isle of the Lost, all of said characters were remarkably good people.

Melody spent her childhood looking after the inn, entertaining guests with her bright and bubbly smile. but she was clumsy and often caused more trouble than help around the inn, and eventually was taken off waitressing duties. determined to be a help around, melody, ever the jack of trades, began to learn other hobbies; such as singing, and baking, to help pull her weight to keep the family business afloat.

One day you’ll rattle the stars;

Ever since they were young they were told stories of outer space; of pirates and treasure planets; and melody wanted to touch the stars more than anything else. And Jim and Kate said one day, one day they would. They just currently didn’t have the money to buy or build a new ship capable of doing so.

So melody started to tinker outside her shifts, and save up her tips to buy cogs and bolts to rebuild the rusting solar riders in the basement.

Sure, she wanted to reach the stars, but the ever curious mind knew that there was way more to auradon than they’re tiny little inn. so she tinkered away on this little air glider, planning to fly it around the kingdom, using it as a delivery service, or help anyone in need

like the angel she is, but most importantly, Earn some more cash so she can take the solar rider outside the atmosphere and finally touch the stars that she has in her eyes.

One day, Melody didn’t see her twin brother during his scheduled shift. which was annoying because it meant that she had to cover for him, and as mentioned, she was a terrible waitress

but it’s a twin sense thing that she just knew something was up, her first break she went down to her garage to find her solar rider gone. there was an obvious explanation, she hoped, he’d bring it back soon, she hoped.

a week went by with no word, so she threw together a makeshift glider with a barely functioning engine and hoped for the best.

but the best never came, she saw her brother in the air after only an hour of scouring the coast. their screams could barely be heard above the oncoming storm, but they could feel the anguish in each others souls, the deep unexplainable pain built in their bones.

the next feeling was fire. and falling. a sudden gust of wind threw the two ships together, or at least, that’s how melody remembers the crash before the burning and the breath leaving her chest, and the sharp pain in her leg, and the stinging as her back hit the water.

the next sensation was heaving water out of her lungs on a ship, a crew of friendly sailors — or was it pirates? had literally fished melody out of the water, that she had fallen into like her childhood name of comet.

luke & crew took melody in, though with some trepidation from the crew before hand, melody tried to fit in with her incredible baking skills, tinkering talents, and space shanties.

it was fun ! for a while ! until melody remembered her parents had no clue what happened to them; and also,  was her twin dead ? where was he ? what happened ? also her leg was lowkey turning green and the limp she was developing was a tell tale sign she probably needed help.

luckily, her new found family were more than happy to drop her off, with the promise she’d be back better than ever.

her leg, however, couldn’t get better, and the imposed limitations on magic were the main reason.

so melody was kitted with a cybernetic leg to replace the lost limb,   and it was the final feather that broke the girls back. the everything hitting her like a tonne of bricks; till her dad sat her down and told her about the bravest man, who just happened to be a cyborg, could do everything and more with his cybernetic limbs — that they were a gift, not a curse, and they would no way impede her life.

still,  she was recluse after losing her brother, and now her leg, unable to sing, or bake, or even get out of bed. so her parents decided to enrol her in aurora university, and gave her a little baby morph too - to help cheer her up.

now, melody’s just coming out of her mourning phase, she’s joined a band, and is studying engineering at aurora university.

she’s as bright & bubbly as ever, but part of that is just an act to keep up appearances.

she’s obsessed with the concept of love, but has never fallen in love. and thinks that no one could love a cyborg, that being part robot makes her invalid of affection, so she’s currently wrestling that fucking demon.

oh is super cool about villain kids bc if ur twin brother tries to murk u and then fakes his death like i guess ur just chill w that

wanted connections !

childhood friends that were made at the inn ! 

some people that melody helped out between 1-5 years ago on her little flying ship.

give melody some more band mates & pirate friends or perish

love some ak’s who weren’t fond of melody bc like ... not exactly the standard family unit or money situation as everyone else . and outsiders must be s h a m e d

the one kid who’s realised melody is basically an alien and loves that

also som new friends she’s just making . . her getting out of her shell 4 the first time in forever ....

the one person who convinces melody ( n morph 2.0 ) to just do the craziest shit for banter

oh and give her a thousand crushes on every person. melody is pan and goes all ways !

also love some people she’s tinkered things for !

[mst3kproject]

521: Santa Claus

Ever since they included a Christmas episode in the first Netflix season, I have been slowly coming to terms with the fact that this blog will not live long enough for me to do all the Christmas movies on Christmas.  Might as well get on with it. This one goes out to @casualcollectorlightme.

It’s Christmas Eve, and Santa Claus is setting off on his annual trip to take gifts to the children of the world.  He’s anticipating trouble: a demon named Pitch has been ordered to stop him.  If nobody gets any presents, then the children of Mexico won’t see any point in being good, and will turn to evil en masse!  Can Santa, with his friends Merlin the wizard and Vulcan the smith, thwart Pitch’s wicked plot and save Christmas?

My favourite thing about this movie is its weird portrayal of Santa, and for once I actually can explain why it fascinates me.  If you’ve ever seen the movie Mothra, you probably had a good laugh at the bit set in the foreign land of Rolisica, which shows us what Japanese people in the 60’s thought Americans were like (if you haven’t seen it then for heaven’s sake do so – it’s funny as hell).  Santa Claus is kind of a whole movie about that, because when it was made in 1959, Santa wasn’t really a thing in Mexico.  The film was an attempt to import him, and so we get to see our beloved Christmas traditions through the eyes of a people who aren’t very familiar with them.  

We begin with a tour of Santa’s workshop, which is not actually at the North Pole, but floating in space somewhere above it.  In American Christmas movies the toy factory would be staffed by elves, but this one goes for another short, energetic option: children from around the world, in the form of a parade of offensive stereotypes embodied by tone-deaf six-year-olds.  This is very strange, not only because they all seem to be singing in the snow rather than working, but because we find ourselves unavoidably wondering who these kids are.  Where are their parents, and how did they end up in Santa’s custody?  Are they orphans he took in, or is this some kind of mass kidnapping operation?  Do they get an education?  What happens to them when they grow up?

When you give it a moment’s thought, however, this setup actually makes more sense than elves.  What the hell are elves, after all?  Where do they come from and why do they work for Santa?  Nobody ever asks that, because it’s just part of the mythology (and when movies do try to offer answers they’re almost always weird and disappointing).  You might as well ask why the Easter Bunny is a rabbit. That’s just how it works.  If you haven’t grown up hearing about it, though, the idea that orphaned children get raised by Santa, helping to bring joy to the rest of the world… that's messed-up, but it works.

The same applies to Santa’s collection of magical surveillance equipment, which looks like something out of a Salvador Dali sugar high. American Christmas films, like the classic Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer or even Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, rarely go into how Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake.  Again, he just does.  Because Santa was something new to the Mexican film-makers, though, they felt like they had to explain it.  Their attempt tried for whimsy but took a wrong turn and ended up smack in the middle of fucking creepy.

It’s creepy in several ways, too.  I mean, the giant lips that speak in the voices of children’s wishes are an awful image, but there’s also the fact that Santa is spying on you directly.  He’s watching your dreams.  He’s listening to your whispered conversations.  He’s reading your fanfiction.  The Three Naughty Boys discuss how they don’t believe in any of this and Santa speaks to them, informing him that he knows very well what they’re planning!  Santa is Big Brother, always watching – and this is true of the ordinary concept of Santa Claus, too!  We sometimes make jokes about this but it seems harmless to us because we never delve into the details the way this movie does.

This thread of explaining things we don’t normally think need explanation runs through other areas of the movie as well.  Why does nobody ever wake up and see Santa Claus?  Why don’t our dogs bark at him?  Because he’s got a sleeping powder and a magic flower that can make him invisible. If that were as far as it went, then it wouldn’t be too strange.  I can see similar things appearing in something like a The Santa Clause sequel… except that there, they would probably have been made by the elves.  Since Santa Claus does not have mechanically (or dentally) gifted elves, it needs to provide another origin. Hence the inclusion of Merlin the Magician and Vulcan the Smith, which seems like a weird juxtaposition of mythology to us, but as far as the Mexicans know they’re all ‘American’ so they’re close enough.

Santa Claus also feels obliged to confront the awkward question of class differences.  Santa is supposed to be an egalitarian figure: he doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, only if you’ve behaved yourself.  Poor kids should therefore get just as many presents as rich kids, which is manifestly not true in the real world.  Most American movies just pretend everybody is middle-class and ignore the issue completely.  Santa Claus tries to do something with it and the results are once again, weird.

There is, for example, the never-named Rich Boy who is tired of toys and just wants to know his parents love him.  Santa makes his wish come true by drugging Madre and Padre into heading home from their Christmas Eve out, and the question of whether he got any other gifts is never brought up.  The nearest thing the movie has to a main human character, however, is adorable little Lupita, whose father is out of work.  She wants a doll for Christmas and frankly any doll will do – she struggles with the idea of stealing a rag doll from a craft market, but puts it back, and Santa rewards her by bringing her a doll her parents could never afford.

And that’s nice, but what message does it send to all the well-behaved children in the real world whose parents can’t afford to buy them anything fancy?  That they weren’t good enough?  That they didn’t write a nice enough letter or say a nice enough prayer?  That Santa just doesn’t give a shit?  There’s a reason most Christmas movies don’t touch on this.

The specific doll Santa brings to Lupita also kind of bugs me… it’s just not a good present for a child like her.  Lupita is around five or six years old.  She needs a doll she can cuddle, play with, and carry around with her, like the one from the market.  The one she gets is as big as she is and wearing a fancy dress.  That’s not a toy, that’s a piece of décor.  It’s the doll that sits in the rocking chair in your grandmother’s living room and which you swear you can see move out of the corner of your eye. It’s not huggable, if she takes it anywhere it’ll get dirty or broken, and there’s a cynical part of me that thinks her parents probably sold it the next day so that they could buy food or pay the rent on their hovel or something.

Then there’s Santa’s adversary.  American Christmas movies pit Santa against bad weather, other supernatural entities like Jack Frost, and ordinary grouches like Phineas Prune.  In this movie, the villain is the devil.  This does, I guess, make a certain amount of sense, since Santa is dedicated to rewarding well-behaved children while Satan wants to collect the souls of the wicked, but we’re just not used to this meeting of religious and secular imagery.  Christmas is a Christian feast pinned to the ass of a much older Pagan solstice festival and it has never managed to really do away with this duality.  Most people keep the Christian and folk sides of Christmas pretty separate, but here we see them collide head-on.

Finally there’s the stuff that’s just plain terrifying.  Like the creepy laughing reindeer.  Or the rather complicated explanation of why Santa must make it home before sunrise.  When the sun comes up, the mechanical reindeer will turn to dust, leaving Santa unable to return to his palace in outer space.  What will happen then?  Why, he’ll starve to death, because Santa and his helpers subsist on sweets made from clouds and stardust, and cannot digest normal food!  Wait, the toy-making children, too?  What does happen to them when they grow up?  Can they return to Earth and start eating burgers like the rest of us, or do they remain children in Santa’s bondage forever? I told you this movie was weird.

Santa Claus is not as enjoyable in its own train-wrecky right as its Martian-Conquering cousin, but it is my favourite of the MST3K Christmas episodes. The movie itself is cheerful and the host sketches are a positive delight.  I particularly love everybody’s joy at the terrible Secret Santa presents, and their all-inclusive seasonal song that distilled tumblr to its essence decades before tumblr ever existed.  The very best part, however, is the awesome Christmas mods they did for the bots.  I love the snowglobe in Tom Servo’s head, and here I am once again helpless to articulate why it’s so damn funny. 

[ghoulboyboos]

How about Ryan wearing Shanes clothes and he looks so adorable. And fluff or smut and fluff occur. Or Hypothermia where Ryan runs onto some thin ice over a pond or something to escape from a ghost or demon and falls through. And needs cuddles and panicked!shane to make him feel better. Great stuff so far! I really like all the prompts you've answered :D

Oh god that is like… all of my favourite tropes nonnie! It got really long as well, whoops…

Bigfoot hunting in the woods had gone well, so why would huntingin the snow be any different

Ryan knows why. Because the world hates him and wants him dead.With the filming crew gone for the evening, he and Shane do one lastloop around the cabin they have rented out, trudging through the snowin silence, worn out after a day of trekking and keeping their eyesopen for any Foot activity. Shane wants to take the long way back butRyan outright refuses. He’s tired, he wants to sit in front of thehard-to-light fireplace of the cabin and fall asleep and not thinkabout snow and cold anymore. Shane calls him a delicate lily that’stoo used to soaking up the California sun and Ryan flips him off andstomps down the short path. He faintly hears Shane shout after him toremind him to stay on the path but he ignores him. It’s not likeShane really cares anyway.

The last thought stings and he knows he’s being unfair. Shanedoes care about him. They’re friends, best friends even. But it’sso easy to get frustrated with the big guy, especially when he keepsup his jokes and nicknames and the way he needles Ryan about somethinks, unaware he sometimes mentions stuff Ryan is insecure about.

“What if you ever fall for a Midwesterner,” Ryan repeatsShane’s statement in a mocking voice. “They would never bring youhome to meet the family during Christmastime in fear of you justdying out there.” Ryan shoves his hands in his pocket and stompson. What if, indeed. His brain conjures up the sight of Shaneearlier. Wrapped in a warm coat and a soft beanie, face a littleflushed from the cold but eyes wide and bright as he trudges throughthe snow, stomps his feet in his boots to keep them warm- He lookedlike he was home. And Ryan knows it’s a great opportunity to make aShane-is-Sasquatch joke but his mind has already interfered with.

Shane wouldn’t take me home to meet his parents.

Which is dumb. They’re not together. Of course Shane won’t.Although he might if Ryan were to ask, because Shane is a sweetheartand if he heard that Ryan was going to spend Christmas alone, hewould drag him along in a heartbeat. Somehow, the thought doesn’tlift Ryan’s mood.

He stops and picks up a rock to toss it at the small lake next tothe path. It hits the ice with a low “tock” and then starts toskip across the ice, making a strange, chirping noise whenever ithits the ice. Ryan stares ahead. A tiny part of his monkey brainwants to go out and grab it but he is smarter than that. Just becausethe ice can hold a tiny rock didn’t mean that he wouldn’t breakthrough and land in ice water. It’s not necessarily deep, but heshudders at the thought of the cold water lapping at him. Ryan turnsto go back to the cabin. Maybe he can fall asleep before Shane comesback. That way he can’t put his foot in his mouth and accidentallyinsult him more.

Ryan is so lost in thought that he screams when suddenly, a smallbody breaks out of the underbrush next to him and crosses his path,he stumbles back, catches a glimpse of the shape of a small animalbouncing off – probably a rabbit – when his foot slips on thesnow and he drops down the slope.

He barely manages to should before he hears a crack and ice coldwater seeps into his jeans and jacket. Ryan gasps for air and triesto grab onto the slope in front of him, but the few dead plants thatgrow there are to weak and all he manages is ripping pieces off as heclaws at something for support. He slips lower, snow sliding up hisshirt and he gasps for breath, yelping as he drops deeper into theriver.

As it sometimes is, his braininstantly sends him a feeling of relief because he didn’t bring anyequipment or a camera on the walk, so he didn’t just ruin a GoProor something, but at the same time, ice cold water is now seepinginto his underwear andit starts to hurt, burn even. Ryan’s teeth are chattering as hetries again, to push himself out of the lake heis stuck in. His muscles tense and it’s fucking painful. Ryangrunts as he pushes himself forward, landing face first in the snowand shuddering. He thinks about calling for Shane, but he is out ofbreath from dragging himself up.

“Am I going to die fromHypothermia…?” He blinks as the thought goes through his painaddled mind. Part of him says no, his chest is still relativelydry, except for the snow that is slowly seeping in, but at the sametime, he is shaking hard now and his legs feel like he ran amarathon. Ryan gasps and army crawls further, trying to pull himselfup the slope. He really wants to rest, but that would be the worstdecision, so he keeps pushing forward. He is about half way up whenhe hears footsteps.

He takes in a gulp of air.

“Hello? Shane?”

Ryan shudders as he realizes his voice is shaking and way tooquiet but the footsteps pause. He is about to suck in a deep breathto shout when the steps suddenly pick up and then he sees snow anddirt rain down the slope next to him and Shane slides into view,stumbling as he tries to keep on his feet on the steep incline.

“Ryan! Ryan what happened?!”

Shane rolls him onto his back andRyan winces as the back of his head lands in the snow and soaks hishair. His beanie got lost somewhere… huh. He tries to push Shaneoff who is touching him, holding his face and reaching for his neckwith cold, naked fingers while babbling questions and Ryan doesn’twant him to fuss all over him because he still has somepride but then Shane hauls him up and half drags Ryan on his back.Ryan should push off of him, but Shane’s back is warm and eventhough he knows he is soaking the other guy’s coat, he clings tohis shoulders and back while Shane struggles up the slope more orless on hands and feet while balancing Ryan on his back.

Ryan doesn’t remember how Shane made it, but he pulls him to hisfeet once they’re back on the path and drags him along, clearly notcaring that Ryan can barely move his legs. Ryan stumbles, but Shanegrabs onto him and presses him against his body to steady his stepsand Ryan flushes.

He is glad that Shane will think it’s just the cold.

-

The cabin door closes behind them and Ryan stands in the entryway,teeth not chattering anymore – which he guesses could be a bad sign– but his whole body is still shaking. He is so cold and so inpain, all he wants to do is lie down. Before he can even lowerhimself however, Shane grabs him.

“What happened, Ryan? God, I told you to stay on the fucking-”

“It w-wasn’t me. S-saw ssssssomething.” He sounds so stupid,but he can’t control his mouth and teeth and tongue like this.“M-maybe a rabbit. Stumbled and fe-fell.”

He is still shaking and Shane pulls off his soaked gloves andunzips Ryan’s jacket.

“Startled by a rabbit?! God, Ryan. Scared of your own shadow…”

Ryan whines. He wants to tell Shane to shut up but his head ispounding.

“Sorry.”

It’s so quiet that Ryan isn’t even sure he heard it. He staresat Shane.

“I’m sorry I made you walk back alone. We shouldn’t havesplit up. And I’m sorry I made fun of you. I… I didn’t wantthis to happen.”

Ryan is stunned. He really would like to tell Shane that it wasn’this fault, but words are still tough. He has almost gathered enoughcourage to thank Shane for the rescue when his brain screeches to ahalt. Shane has pushed his hands under his sweater and t-shirt andundershirt and starts to push all three upwards. Ryan yelps and grabsat Shane’s hands, trying to pull his clothes down again.

“Ryan.” Shane sounds tense. “You’re soaked to the bone!You can’t stay in those clothes or you will get hypothermia.”

Ryan shudders again. Shane’shands have warmed up since they left the cold and they are stillbrushing his stomach. This is bad, very bad. But Shane has a point,so Ryan grits his teeth and lets him go. Theclothes get pushed up and he brings up his arms to allow Shane totake them off. He can’t look the other man in the eye, so he looksto the side as Shane pulls the shirt and undershirt out and throwsall three over the back of a chair. Then he turns and opens Ryan’spants and Ryan screws his eyes shut because he has already seen thatcoming.

“Ryan?”

He realizes he is holding his breath.

“Yeah?”

At least his voice was back.

“I’m really trying to help you here, I know it’s awkward butI just want you to put on something dry. Can you… maybe help me alittle?”

Ryan looks down. Shane is half crouched in front of him with hishands on Ryan’s hips. Fuck it. If he didn’t die fromembarrassment, he wouldn’t dare die from the cold.

“Okay.”

Shane seems to relax at that. He helps Ryan on a chair and thentakes his shoes, socks and jeans off. He throws the soaked clothesaside and then runs to grab the blanket from the sofa. He wraps itaround Ryan’s shoulders and it’s kind of scratchy but at leastit’s warm. Ryan pulls it around himself and Shane starts to rub therough fabric over his back and shoulders and arms, then his legs andRyan feels pins and needles, not unlike when a limb falls asleep. Hehisses and hears Shane murmur an apology.

“You gotta lose the underwear too, by the way. Don’t want thatspace to freeze.”

Ryan flushes and throws a look at Shane, but his friend is notlooking at him. The tips of Shane’s ears are pink and Ryan wondersif it’s from the cold or the awkward situation. Shane gets up.

“I’ll grab you some fresh clothes, be right back.”

Ryan nods. Once Shane is out of sight he wiggles out of hisboxers, keeping the blanket tightly wound around himself. He migratesto the sofa and sits down on it, feet tucked under himself as herocks and shivers. He can feel how his body tries to heat him upagain, but his wet clothes in the cold air have drawn a lot of bodyheat from him and he doesn’t really know if it’s working.

He nearly flinches when a stack of clothing is dropped next tohim. Shane had come back without Ryan noticing.

“I got you your sweatpants and underwear, but you don’t haveanother warm thing so- uh.” Shane gestures to the soft red sweateron top of the pile.

Ryan stares. It’s one ofShane’s. It’s pretty much just a red sweater with thin blackstripes but… it’s Shanewho it belongs to and it’s kind of large and Ryan feels terriblethat the thought of wearing Shane’s clothes fills his stomach withwarmth.

“Get yourself together, Ryan.” He thinks. “It doesn’t meananything. He’s your friend and doesn’t want you to die.”

-

Shane moves to the kitchenette and Ryan ducks behind the sofa toget dressed with at least some modesty. Underwear, socks, sweatpantsand… Shane’s sweater. It’s a bit too long for Ryan, of courseand the sleeves cover his hands. He doesn’t push them up, becausehis hands are still fucking cold and the sweater is fluffy and warm.He buries himself in it, up to his chin and it is mostly to warm upbut also because he noticed Shane’s smell. He swallows hard. Thiswasn’t good. Ryan wraps himself in the blanket and tries not tothink about it too much.

-

Shane is still freaking out. He doesn’t show Ryan, but he isvery close to losing his shit.

When he had returned to the cabin and found it locked he hadinstantly turned and rushed up the short path. He had a feeling thatsomething bad had happened. Ryan wouldn’t just walk off into thewinter woods, he’s smarter than that. When he had seen thedisturbed snow and the shape of a body he had nearly chocked with howhard his heart had jumped into his throat.

And now, he has a shaking Ryanwrapped in a blanket and Shane’s sweater on the sofa and he triesto make tea with the old kettle on the counter. Shane had grabbed thesweater as an afterthought, when he couldn’t find any of Ryan’swarm clothes, but he has made the mistake and looked over after Ryanput it on and… fuck him gently with a chainsaw Ryan looks so cute.His hands are pulled into the sleeves and he has put his glasses onthat luckily survived the fall and he looks soft but also miserableand Shane’s heart hurts. The click and whistle of the kettle ripshim out of his thoughts and he quickly grabs the tea pot, two mugsand returns to Ryan.

“Here.” He fills one of the mugs, even though the tea probablyhasn’t steeped enough yet. “Hold this, it’ll help your hands.”

Ryan takes the mug, sweater still pulled over his palms and triesto hold it straight despite the shaking. Shane swallows and quicklyturns away to light the fireplace. For all the failure the two ofthem had with the thing earlier, he somehow manages to do everythingright on the first try, this time. The small lighter cubes burnbright and the paper around the wood that’s stacked in the placequickly catches the wood on fire and Shane shuts the small glasswindow, too stunned to feel proud right now. He looks over hisshoulder at Ryan. His friend seems a little calmer. His lips, bluebefore are slowly regaining the healthy reddish tone and his skinlooks less icy and more the usual bronze now. Shane stands up, grabsthe towel he brought earlier when he got the clothes and steps behindRyan to carefully towel his hair dry. He feels Ryan stiffen under histouch and Shane bites his bottom lip, feeling guilty. If he’s trueto himself, he really isn’t trying to use the situation to touchRyan more. But he can’t deny that he feels happy taking care ofRyan like this.

Of course, Ryan doesn’t like it if the way he freezes wheneverShane touches him is anything to go by. Shane doesn’t want to becreepy, but he has to make sure that Ryan will be okay, that Ryanwon’t get sick or harmed because of the silly little “fight”they had earlier about Ryan being too weak for the cold.

Shane has already tried to apologize, but he feels like he shoulddo it again, now that both their brains aren’t occupied with thefear of Ryan freezing. He allows Ryan to ruffle his almost dry hairand puts the towel down, unsure how to proceed. Ryan turns a bit andlooks up at him.

“Thanks…” He whispers.

“Hey… Ryan. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“I know.”

Ryan looks up at him and then shuffles on the sofa to make roomfor Shane. Shane sits down and instinctively reaches out to rub apalm over Ryan’s back.

“How are you feeling?”

Ryan looks into his mug.

“A little better. Thanks again for … well, rescuing me.”

Shane swallows.

“Of course.” He should make a joke, something about keepingUnsolved alive or not wanting to give up the only other hugekernelhead in the office. But he can’t get himself to. Ryan islooking at him, hair ruffled and face slowly reddening. Maybe hereally is warming up.

“I feel… too hot now.” Ryan grunts and pushes at theblanket, but Shane is quick to hold it in place.

“Don’t. Your body is trying to heat you up. You’re stillcold.” He reaches out and touches Ryan’s forehead. Ryan is indeedstill a little cool.

Ryan scoffs and shoves the blanket off anyway and Shane sighs andleans in to wrap it around him again. Ryan struggles for a moment andthen jerks to the side to put his mug away. He is now half lying onShane’s arm and Shane grunts and pulls Ryan back to wrap theblanket around him. When Ryan grabs his shoulder however, he pauses.

Ryan is half lying down now, blanket trapped under his body and heis holding onto Shane who is braced over him. He looks better, lessdying, but also a lot more soft. Ryan blinks up at him from behindhis glasses, wearing Shane’s oversized sweater and Shane swallowshard. He looks… beautiful and Shane really wishes he could justlean in and kiss him. But he can’t because that’s not what theyare. Still, Ryan keeps staring at him, as if searching Shane’s facefor something.

He nearly jumps when a hand settles on the back of his neck.Ryan’s fingers are warm from where he clutched the mug and Shaneglances over quickly. No matter how weak the tea had been, Ryan drankit, which is good. He really hopes he has done what he could to helpagainst the cold. The hand on his neck tugs and Shane leans down alittle. He’s not sure what Ryan is doing and he is definitelygetting nervous being so close, but he assumes Ryan wants to saysomething and his voice is still too unstable.

“You could help me warm up.”

Shane frowns. His nose is almost touching Ryan, and despite hisnose being pretty big, they are very close by now. He searches Ryan’sface for an explanation, but only sees how Ryan pulls an arm to hischest, hand still adorably hidden in Shane’s long sleeves.

“Uh… I- I think I did what I could?”

Ryan blinks.

“I … You’re probably right.Maybe I’m being stupid. You wouldn’t take me to meet your parentsanyway.”

Shane blinks, dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Ryan looks at him, face hardened and he seems almost… accusing?

“You said it yourself. No Midwesterner would take me to meettheir family on Christmas. I’m too weak for the cold. Clearly thatwas proven right afterwards because I’m too dumb to walk a pathwithout falling in a lake.”

Ryan swallows hard and Shane realizes with horror how upset helooks.

“I just thought… maybe… you took such good care of me. Iguess you were just being a great friend and I’m the creep hittingon you just because you gave me your sweater.”

He isn’t looking at Shane anymore. He has both his arms drawn tohis chest and stares to the side.

“Just… forget it. It’s dumb.”

Shane swallows hard. His hands are still fisted in the blanket,but he lets it go. Slowly, carefully he places them on Ryan’s hips.His fingertips slip under the sweater and brush warm skin and hehears Ryan gasp. The man underneath him turns his head and glances upat Shane.

“What are you-”

“Fuck.” Shane hisses. “I’msorry I made you feel like that. I didn’t- I didn’t even knowwhat I was saying. Are you sureyou want this? Or are you having some sort of cabin fever or was itbecause you could have gotten killed out there or-”

Ryan grabs his shirt and pulls him down. Shane nearly falls on topof him and barely manages to catch himself before he’s crushingRyan. Ryan doesn’t seem to care, he wraps both arms around Shane’sneck and kisses him and Shane jolts when Ryan’s warm and soft lipsmeet his own.

Shane’s hands slip under the sweater and up Ryan’s sides andRyan groans encouragingly into his mouth before his tongue slips into meet Shane’s and Shane gasps.

For a couple of minutes, theyjust make out and Ryan’s hands find their way under Shane’s shirtand they explore each other’s skin with their fingers. Ryan doesn’tseem like he wants to stop kissing Shane and Shane is downto just keep making out, but Ryan has other plans. They are chest tochest now, legs entangled and Ryan presses his hips up and the lineof his hard dick brushes Shane’s thigh. Well, if Ryan was able toget a boner, his body heat is probably doing pretty okay. Shaneactually starts to sweat now, which probably is also because Ryan ismaking needy noises against his mouth. Fuck. They didn’t haveenough clean clothes for this kind of stuff and Shane disentangleshimself for a moment, despite Ryan’s protests.

“Let me- Fuck. Ryan.”

He grabs the blanket and pulls it over Ryan’s middle. Then heducks under it and wiggles in the little blanket tent till he cankiss a strip of Ryan’s exposed stomach. He is rewarded with agroan.

Shane hasn’t planned this, but once Ryan had asked him to “warmhim up” even more, they have been heading for this moment,apparently. Before soon, he is bobbing his head under the blanket,making sure that Ryan’s exposed middle is covered by it while hehears those delicious groans and moans from above his head and feelsRyan’s hands on the back of his covered head. When Ryan comes, it’swith the whisper of Shane’s name and both hands shoved under theblanket to fist in his hair. Shane’s hands are on Ryan’s stomach,brushing against his sweater and he feels the soft material pressedagainst his cheek before long. He swallows as he comes up from underthe blanket and Ryan’s eyes are gleaming and his face is flushed, aclear improvement to the stiff, cold and blue face Shane had draggedin earlier. He is tugged into a kiss and while Ryan nips on his lips,Shane can hear him murmur things.

He catches “thank you” and “wonderful” and “stay here”and Shane tries to kiss back while also tucking Ryan back into hispants and making sure he is fully dressed.

“What about you?” Ryan gasps against Shane’s cheek as Shanepulls him in his arms and throws the blanket over them.

“Not tonight. Another time.” He kisses Ryan’s forehead, butRyan leans away to look at him. He is smiling widely.

“What?” Shane frowns. “What is it?”

“Another time.” Ryan echoes and he smiles at Shane so widelythat Shane feels like is stomach is doing a somersault.

“Ah. Right. Yes I would like to do that again if-”

“Oh hell yeah.”

Shane chuckles.

“Great.”

He pulls Ryan in his arms and is wrapped in the warmth of hissweater in return and he is sure he can’t ever wear it again. It’sRyan’s now. A hand tangles in his hair and Ryan kisses him again.

“Huh,” Shane thinks. “Probably not the only thing in hislife that is Ryan’s now.” He smiles as he kisses back, drags theblanket up over them and holds onto the other man, safe and warm onceagain.

[pomegranate-belle]

11 Questions

Tagged by: @zeesqueere, thank you, and sorry this took me so long!

Tagging: @rawkhawkjock, @chessanator, @teashadephoenix, @returnsandreturns, if you guys want — and anybody else who wants to answer these!

1. How long have you been writing?

Uhhh since I was literate probably lmao — I was a very angry, repressed lil bby that got picked on a lot and my Kindergarten teacher nudged me towards expressing myself via the written word rather than with what little violence I could accomplish as a tiny six year old. And that, as they say, is history.

2. What are the major themes of your current wip(s)?

Courting the Sun-Dancer(?) (aka the one abt Alma and Navata): Regaining identity, cultural exchange, choice over fate, courage, loyalty, and the responsibilities of ruling

The still untitled story about Algernon and Tyderias: Homecoming, revenge, what it means to be alive, accepting your talents, learning to love others as they are, sacrifice, and true love

3. What do you want people to take away from your story once they’ve read it?

I don’t know, hope, I guess? It’s not the reason I’m writing them or even the point behind the plots but I wish I’d had stories like this (read: Not Straight Ones) growing up. Mostly I just want people to enjoy reading the things I write.

4. Would you be excited if people write fanfiction about your wip(s)?

I’d be honestly startled given the lack of information to work from right now lol, but I’m super jazzed any time something I write spurs other people to create. :)

5. What’s your go-to writing beverage?

I don’t think I have one but I will say I really had a productive night that one time I went out and drank like three vodka lemonades while working on a character, lmao

6. Who is your favorite oc? Tell me about them!

Ooh, playing favorites is mean... But yeah ok it’s definitely Mauve Sebella (incidentally, she’s also the character from the previous answer—)

She’s gone through about three different iterations as I tried to find a story for her. At first, she was a main character and much more whimsical — a burglar looked after by the remnants of her mother’s iron-smuggling operation. So she was kind of this happy-go-lucky gentleman thief type character with One Million Dads. The plot of that story fizzled out pretty quickly, and I set her aside for a while, but eventually I found use for a character with her specific powers so I dusted her off and gave her an unhappier backstory and an attitude adjustment.

As she stands now, there was no one decent to look after her and keep her safe after her mom died, so she was in a bad situation where everyone was either trying to murder her or use her powers for their own gain. She ended up as a child soldier due to her “magic-eating” eye and became the most infamous assassin on the continent. It’s the perfect conceit for the world she’s in because it means she travels a lot and I can use her as a side character in almost any story set in that world.

7. Do you feel that mistakes are important learning tools in the writing journey?

I guess? I don’t really think about things like that, lol

8. Rank your ocs by their capability in a footchase (either running after or from smth, your choice)

Navata is dead last for the obvious reason that she spends 90% of her time on land in a wheelchair. Then Charles DeWitte, then his younger sister Lucille, then Algernon Parson, then Alma, then Tyderias, then Mauve. Prince Balthazar is the fastest because he’s A Literal Werewolf and his running stamina is totally wild.

9. Does your wip have romance? tell me about it!! if not tell me about a friendship/important relationship in your wip!!

So many romances. So many.

Algernon/Tyderias: my Fake Married boys!! They’re a little suspicious of each other at first, but get over it pretty quickly. Algernon is a natural caretaker and he has an instinct to protect Ty pretty much from the beginning. Ty, who’s a bit jaded from, you know, being an exiled prince and unable to stop his father’s killers from taking over his kingdom, is intrigued by Algernon since he’s just a genuinely good person. Both of them are hiding parts of themselves at the beginning and it causes trouble when the truth comes out, but they pull together when it counts. They take interest in each other’s hobbies and it leads to some self-discovery along the way. Both of them try very hard not to fall love while they have to pretend to be married but uh, it does not work at all.

Alma/Navata: These two are definitely an “opposites attract” couple! Navata is a queen who cares more about being approachable than being unquestionable. She has chronic pain that limits her ability to do things, but she’s fun-loving and doesn’t let her limitations discourage her. She’s a terrible artist and not really what anyone would call graceful even if she’s beautiful. By contrast, Alma is closed off with a solemn, cold image that discourages people from disrespecting her. She looks tougher than Navata, with lots of scars, but she’s much more elegant. They’ve each given things up for the sake of their position, but together they are able to recapture parts of themselves that have fallen by the wayside. They learn about one another’s cultures as Alma competes in suitor trials to win Navata’s hand.

Balthazar/Charles: These two are the original romance plot from the world Alma, Navata, and Mauve are from. Their story is on the back-burner right now but I still love them. Bal is rough around the edges but kind and earnest. Charles is kind of a flirt and he’s good at being charming; he’s knowledgeable, but he can also be a little naive, especially when it comes to his own family. Charles and Bal are childhood best friends who have been nursing crushes on each other for years and years. They share pretty much everything with each other — for example, even though Charles is very close with his sisters, it’s Bal he goes to first when something’s troubling him. And Bal is very protective of Charles, because he knows Charles’ dad treats him badly. However, Bal is unwillingly betrothed to Charles’ younger sister, Lucille. He plans to fight it and express his feelings to Charles, but his plan gets derailed when, during Bal’s coronation ball, Charles is hit with a curse that freezes him in ice. Bal spends the next five years doing everything he can to break the curse while the ice slowly overtakes his castle.

10. Do you believe in the advice kill your darlings?

Umm probably not?

I think needlessly making your characters suffer is just an exercise in sadism, lol, but I do think you’ll get a bad story if you helicopter parent as well and don’t let your characters make mistakes and suffer consequences.

As for “killing your darlings” in terms of getting rid of scenes or plot lines that you love... I think it’s stupid. If you remove the parts of your story that make you happy just so it will be nebulously “better”, aren’t you destroying what makes it yours instead of just some stupid formulaic “best seller”? I don’t know, that’s just how I feel about it.

11. Do you prefer plotting or worldbuilding? Why?

Plotting, definitely. Worldbuilding can be fun when it comes easy but other times you’re staring at a blank page trying to come up with fantasy names or mindlessly researching which fruits grow in what climate and you just want to stab yourself with a pencil. Don’t even get me started on dealing with how to represent different languages without having to actually Tolkien it and spend fifty years fucking inventing them. I’m not a linguist, dammit, I’m an author.

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

A, B, C, D, F, G, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S,T, U, V, W, C for the Boku no hero academia and Kuroko no Basuke fandom please?

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed. -Bakudeku, Kiribaku, Kacchako, iideku, kamisero, tododeku I think I just like to whore out Deku, basically. -Then we got Kagakuro, kisekuro, aokuro, akakuro, kuromomo, midotaka, murahimu, aokaga, aokagakuro, aomomo, momoriko, kiriko, hyukiyo, akafuri, I mean I could go on for days honestly

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind. -Bakudeku because of the fine line with it but I just ended up stuck somehow-Mmmmmmm………I don’t think I got one for KnB. 

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.-I don’t really know. As I said before probably anything with villains-None for KnB I ship everyone

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.-Don’t got it. I like everyone. Ship everyone.-Same for both fandoms

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?-Oh god I’ve been in the Knb fandom since like…2009 I wanna say but I’ve been in the FMA fandom since….2005 or so….so probably that one lmao

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?-I have had way too many OTP’s but the one that stands out to be is AbeMiha from Oofuri. My baseball babes. 

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?-Nah I just stay out of the drama

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)-Probably BNHA

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?-Aomine for KnB and Kacchan for BNHA

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)-Haizaki….I guess you’re an alright guy. You kept your basketball shoes so you’re okay in my book.-Endeavor……fuck you…..but thanks for trying to make amends for being a shitrag.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.-Deku deku deku deku-Probably Takao honestly he’s hilarious

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).-I…don’t really know honestly.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?-I Found by Amber Run is definitely BakuDeku and KagaKuro

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)Let’s just fucking swap this shit. Hero AU for KnB and Basketball AU for BNHA hell yeah!

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.-Attack on Titan and it’s too much effort to get back into right now.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?-There is no such thing as friendship to me. I fucking ship everything in existence.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)-Deku is terrified of motorcycles. Like, he could take on the strongest villain in the world but would cower at a motorcycle.-Kuroko is afraid of reptiles. Like…he’ll scream.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? Probably the two I just wrote lmao

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.-Okay SO-Hinata from Haikyuu! because he is that show’s sunshine personified and I try to go after those types of babies.-Edward from FMA because he’s just a badass that demands respect.-Mihashi from Oofuri because he is beyond precious and must be protected at all costs.

V - Which character do you relate to most?-In BNHA? Uraraka. Almost even down to her want to support her parents. She is a blessing and I love her dearly.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.Overtly sexual themes, honestly. Like, please stop over sexualizing badass ladies it is not necessaryYOU ARE AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL AND THANK YOU FOR THESE ASKS!!!!!!!!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #271

“some of those who work forces are the same that burn crosses.”

Do you cook on the stove at all, or just microwave? I just use the microwave. I'm scared of the stove lmao. Do you ever debate religion with your friends? Bruuuh no. I am so disinterested in debating about something that to me ultimately doesn't matter yet humanity has made so serious. Whatever happens after we die, happens, there's that. Just be a decent human being and go out knowing you did your best to make the world better than when you entered it. Do you keep your shampoo in the shower or someplace else? In the shower. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: Like... recently? Or in my entire life? I dunno about recently, but I guess the most shocking to me was when she vehemently called my sister something I won't repeat. Did your mom go to college? She was before the cancer. Ready to graduate, too, but that didn't go as planned thanks to, y'know, cancer. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Good question, no clue. I don't really pay attention to the canned foods. Maybe fruits? Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? Nah. Where do you put your keys when you come home? In my purse. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't have one. That I use, anyway. Sara gave me a Markiplier quote one that's a Holy Item on my shelf and instead of holding a beverage holds All My Love. Your bad habit that you love the most: UGH I hate how much I love soda. Invent a pop tart flavor: STORY TIME!!!! As a kid, there was this contest to design a type and you won like... a fucking huge supply of the newest flavor, which was at the time that wild berry whatever thing. My sister and I made one that I think I recall being pink with heart sprinkles and strawberry flavored, and we won. Guess who fucking hates the wild berry flavor now lmao. Okay but anyway if I was to invent one now... is there a BLUE raspberry flavor? Cuz a bitch loves blue raspberry flavored everything. Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: Sometimes. I don't currently have a pet that is, though. Are you proud of yourself for what you've accomplished? The few things I actually have, sure? I'm more ashamed of what I haven't. Do you own any sexy lingerie? Nooooo no one would want to see me in that, least of all myself lmao. Have you ever caught a bouquet of flowers at a wedding before? No. Has a horse ever neighed at you before? Uhhh I don't think so? Do you prefer ice cream or sorbet? Ice cream. Have you gotten your pets spayed? My cat is. That's like... the only pet we ever have fixed, sadly. My parents/Mom (depending on time period) could just never afford it. The only real reason we managed to get Roman neutered was because our sister directed us to a cheap on-the-go business where it was like... only $45, and Roman was marking the house badly so it was pretty urgent. Would you ever take in a stray animal? HA, that is the STORY of my family with cats. At this current time, most likely not. We don't need another pet right now, nevermind one of a mysterious background with my mom being sick. When is payday? N/A Have you ever walked on a runway before? No. How long is your workday? N/A Is there a walkway or a pathway to your front door? No. What is your favorite color? What is your least favorite color? Pink is superior to all colors. I'm really not a puke-green fan, but I mean... is anyone? What color dominates your wardrobe? Everything is B L A C K. What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. Are you colorblind, or do you know anyone who is? I'm not, but Jason's brother is colorblind to I think red and blue? Do you prefer color photos or black-and white? It greatly depends on the composition and subject matter of the photograph. I find great beauty in both. If I had to pick though, color usually appeals to me more. Are you one of those people who can taste, feel, or smell colors? No. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? Yes. Do you enjoy coloring? It tends to be my least-favorite part of the art process because that's where I always fuck shit up. Do you know anyone who is racist? Oh my, PLENTY. Welcome to the South. Are your nails painted any color(s) right now? They never are. Can you lift more than 100lbs? I probably CAN, but it would be very hard. What's your opinion on incest? It's fucking repulsive. Morally and negative from a scientific standpoint, anyway. Do you have a favorite color for cats? Orange. What video games did you play when you were younger? I was a massive gamer as a kid, teenager too, so I could put a hell of a lot here. But, I'll just imagine you're referring to when I was quite young. The Spyro games (save for Skylanders) were my LIFE, I loved Nintendogs, the Crash Bandicoot trilogy, lots of games that were based on movies (like Madagascar and Finding Nemo are two I really enjoyed), uhhh... OH! And absolutely weird, but I loved hunting games. Like, I had a whooole lot, despite hating real life hunting even as a child. I think it was because I got to see wild animals, plus it could be calming to wander and scary, too, when things like wolves found you. Oh, and then there were fishing games, too. LOOK I just love(d) games. Would you ever get a tramp stamp? I hate that nickname. Having a tattoo literally anywhere does not equate you to a stereotype. Yes, because I want to be heavily tattooed anyway. Did you cry when Michael Jackson died? No. Not that I didn't care at all, I just wasn't a giant fan. What's the ugliest species of animal? Lmao how mean. The blobfish immediately comes to mind, though. Looks like a ball of mucus shaped into an old man's face. Are you embarrassed about any songs on your iPod? I used to be, now it's just like whatever. I like what I like. What do you use to listen to music on the computer? YouTube. Do people know a lot about you? Places on the Internet sure do lmao. I try to be much more private now online to a degree, depending on where. Irl, no. I'm too easily embarrassed/afraid of being judged for what makes me, me. Who was the last person you slept beside? Sara. Do you like Metallica? They're one of my all-time favorites and I trust NOBODY who claims to hate them. What's your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan of soup. What’s your best friend's favorite band? Her all-time favorite is Pink Floyd. Who was the last person you took a picture with? Ummm idr. Do you play Guitar Hero? Not really anymore, but I fuckin slayed that shit back in the day. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. Who was the last person to come to your house? My younger sister. What time do you usually eat dinner? Anywhere between 5:30 to like... 7:00 or so. Have you ever searched your own house on Google Earth? Not this current one, no. Does it bother you when people have a loose grip on hugs? No? Some people don't like hugs. Are you looking forward to next year? I don't know. Is covid gonna be history by then? It depends on a lot of things. What have you done so far this summer? *blink blink blink* What's your favorite punk band? Honestly, I don't even really separate bands by genres now because I don't know. There's so so many, plenty overlap, etc. etc, and people - especially those who enjoy rock/metal stuff, I've found - get all snobbish and "WELL ACTUALLY" when you "misgenre" or whatever. Which is better: cold or hot weather? COLD. FUCK hot weather. Anything above ~75*F is disgusting. Is photography something you enjoy? I'm an aspiring photographer so like- What’s the best flavor snow cone? I haven't had a legit snow cone in years... but we have a place called Pelican's Snowballs, which is really just like... snow cones in a cup? They are A M A Z I N G and strawberry is to die for. When driving, are you a speed demon or do you drive like your grandmother? I don't drive because I'm terrified to. Have you ever met someone who just had you at hello? No. Bet you were expecting "Jason," but no, I was weirded out that a stranger just comes up to me in the hall on the way to class and starts talking to me. Have you ever written poetry? Yeah. Do you have any addictions? Technology, ugh. And soda, rip. When was the last time you just laid and looked at the stars? Laid, many years ago one summer when Jason and I were just lying on the trampoline while my dad was grilling. What song reminds you of an ex? A lot. What color eyeliner do you prefer? Black. What was the last thing that you made with your own two hands? Like, made from scratch? Hell if I know. What’s the deepest water you will wade into? Like, shoulder-deep in the ocean. How many blades does your razor have? Three, I think? Highest grade of education you’ve completed? Just one semester of college. Lowest grade you’ve received on a test? Yikes, Fs in college math. He taught in such an abstract way that I failed like... every test, or nearly did. I was too afraid to ask questions continuously. Do you enjoy sitting in the sun or the shade more? There is NO situation where I would rather be in the sun. Do you enjoy going to arcades? Hell yeah. What parades do you like to go to? None. When’s the last time you went on a tirade? I ranted to Mom about the fucking ridiculous anti-maskers that are a big reason this motherfucking pandemic is worsening in America. With my mom being immunocompromised, it is something I take VERY goddamn seriously. It's not a difference in opinion - it's a difference in morality. Do you like to play charades? I loved to as a kid. Now it'd feel weird. Would you ever lead a crusade? I wouldn't want to lead anything. Have your parents ever forbade you from doing something? Aha, so as a kid, I had a game demo disc that showed the preview to Parasite Eve, and my sisters and I would secretly watch it despite it scaring us to where Mom did forbid us to click on it. And all these years later, I've played it and love it... ha ha. Otherwise, my parents have always been pretty open to letting us do stuff, save for things the usual parent doesn't like, like swearing. When’s the last time someone said something degrading to you? A few days back when I got into an argument on Facebook about some asshole teasing their newly-hatched cobra to where it kept striking at the tongs, hood flared and all. Apparently I had no idea what I was talking about, pointing out the snake was clearly stressed out. What’s the last homemade dish you’ve made? I legit haven't cooked a thing since Sara was here and I made her eggs for breakfast. Which was like, a year ago. Do you like lemonade? What flavor(s)? Broooo YES. Pink lemonade is better, but I enjoy just the classic kind, too. Has anyone ever serenaded you before? Fuck this question. Would you like to visit the Everglades? Lemme see them motherfuckin GATORS. Have you ever attended a masquerade ball before? No. Would be dope, though. Have you lost anyone to AIDS? No, thank god. Have you ever been paid for sex? Hell no. Have you ever had a maid in your home before? HUNNY we are too poor for that shit. Do you know how to do different types of braids in hair? No. When’s the last time you wore a Band-aid? Where and why? I have no clue. When was the last time you were afraid? Of what? A family friend was over here a couple days ago and she had this weirdest muscle cramp in her leg that brought her to the floor gasping for like over a minute. I was super scared, and Mom was too, as we had no idea what to do. I almost had to call 911. Crazy woman hasn't gone to the doctor about it, to my knowledge. Would you ever consider growing your hair out to your waist, or longer? NOOOO NO NO. I am probably having short hair for the rest of my life. Is there anywhere in your house that you're scared to be alone in? No. What is your favorite shoe brand? I don't have one. What weird things did you do as a small child? I was just a weird kid in general. I did a lotta stuff that would make people raise a brow. Who puts the most pressure on you in your life? My goddamn self. Do you laugh off embarrassing moments? Hell no, I turn red as a cherry and probably cry once I'm in private. Do you have a favourite actor/actress? If so, who? No. Do you like little kids, or do they annoy you? I feel uncomfortable around them. They're too brutally honest, I feel like every move I make is wrong, and I just generally feel incapable of handling them properly. Do you want a small or a large family when you get older? Well, I don't want any kids, so... Are you a good dancer? If not, do you enjoy dancing anyways? No and no. I'd be embarrassed. Have you ever lied to avoid getting into trouble? Yeah. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital for a long period of time? I'd say two weeks is pretty long, and I was supposed to stay an entire month. I only got out of that by going to court. Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself, or are you camera shy? I HATE being in front of the camera. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling? I just like ketchup, mustard, and pickles, really. A bit of diced onion is fine, too. I prefer gas; I hate the charcoal-y taste. You are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask? Fuck that, I'd decline going to begin with. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies? Popcorn, of course. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email? Pop-up ads. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding? N/A What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? Probably like, wrestling. Golf. Sports in general. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven't tried it yet. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? I always just use chocolate syrup. Would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? CHRIST, TRAFFIC. Elevators kinda scare me and I'm very scared of being stuck in one. What are you sitting on right now? My bed. Are you listening to anything? Halocene's cover of "Killing In The Name." Have you parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Who was the last person to give you money? I have no idea. Have you ever dreamed of someone you barely know? Actually yeah. Weird as hell. When was the most recent time, if ever, that you felt “impostor syndrome,” or that you felt unqualified to be somewhere? Hm. I suppose when I went to the doctor by myself for my foot. I'd never done an appointment without Mom at all, and I was veeery clueless to a lot of steps, questions, etc. What are some ways that pop culture has helped you learn historic or scientific facts? Some TV shows, I guess. Or games, even. Have you ever had a job in which you felt that you had nothing to do? What was the protocol in that situation (e.g., surfing the web, taking on the job of co-workers, or pretending to work)? If you have not, do you think it would be lucky or unlucky to have such a job? No. I was expected to always be doing something. I'd consider that to be pretty unlucky, as it sounds boring and pointless. Have you ever intimidated or made another person feel legitimately threatened? If not, do you think that you could ever be seen as scary? I don't know. Mom has admitted me yelling has scared her before, though. I can yell pretty fucking loudly. But she herself never felt threatened. And do I think I could be seen as scary? Yes. Especially given my chronic fucking nightmares that almost always involve confrontation. In what ways do you or would you need to be validated by a partner? (For example, liking your posts/talking about you on social media, or perhaps by doting on you with gifts.) I am VERY much a "words of affirmation" person. I NEED reassurance that I'm adequate and sincerely loved. When you are having a hard time emotionally, what are some of the telltale ways that you act out or that your personality reflects your struggles? I become very snappy and more reclusive than usual. I cry really easily. Do you tend to succeed by weaning yourself off of something or by quitting cold turkey? It depends on what it is, but I've generally needed to wean myself off of things when necessary. Is there a specific type of pet breed/size/etc. that you don’t want? Why not? I am very turned off by animal breeds/types that are subject to serious health issues, such as pugs, dachsunds, Persians, spider ball pythons... Just don't fucking breed them. Ironically, some of these are the cutest, but I care far more about the health of the animal. Have you ever lived in a notoriously dangerous area? If not, would it bother you to do so? Yes and yes. Has a friend’s significant other ever interfered with or damaged your friendship? What about a significant other of yours damaging a friendship? I don't believe so, no. What, if anything, is something that you put pressure on yourself about? What do you imagine would happen if you did not live up to this expectation? Getting a job, for Heaven's sake, and actually managing to keep it. I've proven inept in this area so far, so, I've already failed that. :^) If you have been in a serious relationship, have you and your partner ever discussed lifetime plans that clashed? Did you reconcile them or did you break up? If you have not been in a relationship, what are some issues that would be deal-breakers? Jason and I kinda casually talked about kids early in our relationship, at which time I didn't see myself wanting them at all and he did at some point. It didn't really bother either of us, though; it was something we'd figure out if we actually got anywhere. Then he became the only person I could ever imagine myself having kids with. Life's funny.

[bardqueenofgallifrey]

I didn't have a tumblr account in 2013, so I have no idea how the fuck a 53-year-old Sci fi show became part of something as cringe as "superwholock". I mean, I watch Sherlock but damn this match makes no sense. Could you explain to me how it happened please???

Honestly? I don’t know exactly.

I was never really a part of SuperWhoLock, and I don’t think I was on here for the origins either, but whenever it was that I did get on here, I was just a passionate Whovian who also watched and liked Sherlock (these days I’m pretty indifferent about Sherlock one way or another, and give as few shits about Supernatural as I ever did).  

BUT, I’m gonna see if I can try and work out/theorise how SuperWhoLock rose and fell, if only to try and make the point that Doctor Who never deserved to be lumped in with it. Feel free to challenge any points I make, because I’m guessing here. 

although, frankly, this idea of cringe culture is kinda snobby and gross. let people like shit, damn, if they’re not hurting anyone or trying to say Supernatural is the best show ever, who gives a fuck, honestly

Firstly, the thing about Doctor Who is that it has been around for literal multiple decades. Almost fifty four years. It has been around since before some of our parents were born. 

Doctor Who fans were around long before the internet was invented. They were here before, and will be here long after everyone has forgotten what the hell Supernatural ever was. Doctor Who fans are now the ones making Doctor Who. They were the ones who, when it got cancelled, created an entire thriving Audio Drama business through the love of it that still existed everywhere, and they are the ones who brought it back and now create it. They’ve never let it die. 

You know why? Why Doctor Who’s endured, and is so passionately loved by so many, and before all this mess wasn’t any more cringy than being into Star Trek? Because it’s good. 

It is a flawed show, of course (always, somehow, in some way, in ways that vary across different eras), but one that is good in a reckless, nonsensical, optimistic way. No matter the ups and downs of its objective quality, it’s never really lost its heart. 

It is a show with a protagonist that uses words/intelligence/compassion over violence to fight, a show that focuses on telling hopeful adventures that can be watched by children and also inform them of some of the harsher aspects of the world in an interesting way.

Also, it’s always been quite progressive. It had the first female drama producer at the BBC, and a gay Indian director. No one wanted it to succeed and it’s a miracle the show ever got off the ground. 

People like to talk about the “screaming Classic companions” but you know what? Fuck that. The Classic ladies were all wonderful, including the biggest screamers. Susan? The Doctor’s granddaughter, genius, with telepathic abilities and a whole lot of heart. Mel? Computer programmer aka fucking smarty pants, who once flipped the Doctor over her shoulder, and was such a genuinely nice person that it was genuinely impressive. Zoe? Adorable 60′s companion who canonically had a higher IQ than the Doctor. 

Doctor Who ladies have been awesome since the beginning, and calling out misogyny from the beginning. 

(It ALSO had errors of its time, especially an Orientalism issue that is pervasive through a lot of older sci-fi, that can’t and shouldn’t be forgotten either. But that’s for the most part irrelevant to this discussion other than the general whiteness which is still obviously a problem albeit one the show is slowly working on.)

The reboot then brought in (some, not enough) queer characters and main characters of colour, etc, and its general diversity has only been getting better and better on that front for the most part, especially in the last couple of years. 

But anyway, how the hell did it get mixed up with the whole SuperWhoLock mess? 

Well, the reboot brought in a whole new generation of fans, and only got bigger and bigger and bigger, and was peaking RIGHT about when Sherlock aired. 

The Doctor Who and Sherlock crossover is easy enough to work out; they had the same headwriter(s), and they’re both about neurodivergent (coded??) genius white guys that theoretically have a kind of unconventional attractiveness to them. You can see how they drew in the same crowd. 

Now, how the hell Supernatural became a part of that, I’ve no idea. I’ve never been a Supernatural fan (even if I did watch the first four and a half seasons once, more or less enjoy them, but also not find them massively interesting). 

But I’m going to assume it’s because it again involved white guys with Big Emotions, that the fans could thirst over, who were undertaking some larger than life shit. 

My theory is that it, at least partly, was the White Male Slash Fandom. 

You know. That group of mostly straight girls who treat shipping conventionally attractive white men like a fetish and a kink to explore, who will ship basically any two CAWM under the sun if they so much as look at each other. I imagine the Johnlock crowd overlapped with the Destiel and Wincest crowd, and Doctor Who, since it had Ten/Simm!Master (and Eleven/Rory to a lesser extent) as well as some nice hetero ships, kind of got dragged along because almost everyone in the Sherlock fandom was probably in the Doctor Who fandom too. 

You can kind of see how it fits. The Supernatural gang and the Team TARDIS are big damn heroes with a lot of heart, while Sherlock fulfilled the ideal levels of pretentiousness that we all go through in our teenage years. 

Of course, then everyone realised that Supernatural kinda sucks because it’s an incredibly white, incredibly male, incredibly STRAIGHT show that just queerbaits its audience and doesn’t know when to call it quits, and so everyone started jumping ship. 

Then everyone looked at Sherlock, either went “this has its issues but it’s still fun”, “this is QUEERBAITING TOO, WHY WONT JOHNLOCK KISS, FUCK MOFFISS”, or “this is also incredibly white, incredibly male, and incredibly straight, so fuck this also”, and that was it for Sherlock and general opinion too. 

(For the record: Johnlock was not queerbait. Johnlock was an expression of Steven Moffat’s own very intimate, but platonic, friendship with Mark Gatiss, and they explicitly told everyone they were not gonna make it gay. And then the toxic ass fandom, deluded out their minds, started sending Gatiss - an actual gay man - abuse about being “an honorary straight” for not making their fetishised fictional relationship canon, at one point literally the day after the Pulse massacre. Seriously. What the fuck. Never speak about it being queerbaiting ever again and leave Mark Gatiss the fuck alone.) 

Now. Doctor Who had meanwhile been dealing with the changeover of the showrunner. 

Series 5 went down pretty well for the most part, but a lot of people had their issues with Series 6 and Series 7. The fandom had kind of gotten too big, for a show this unconventional. To the point of a lot of people not being able to deal with the distinct change from the style of Russell T Davies, because they weren’t really aware of how the show needs to reinvent itself constantly even on a stylistic level. Because they were treating the show like any other show, when one can’t really do that. 

It was all kind of a mess of:

very mixed fan reception on Series 6

Series 7 being on the weaker side (not as weak as some people who missed the whole point of Clara’s storyline make it out to be, but weak nonetheless, though Moffat has admitted to this and explained it was because he was under so much pressure about the looming 50th anniversary, and like, fuck, fair enough)

people being pissed at Moffat for Sherlock shit

Russell T Davies having done quite a few things in his era that are questionable from a wider Doctor Who standpoint, which Moffat as the Ultimate Who Fan didn’t go along with, only to then receive hate from people who were convinced that if RTD did something it must be right, because they haven’t seen Classic Who or apparently bothered to do a couple of google searches to educate themselves

plus, a few of Moffat’s quotes around 2012ish got taken out of context because he’s a sarcastic little shit who runs his mouth

and so people got the idea that Moffat’s a narcissistic misogynist who “loves white men”

also people confused “plot hole” with “is going to be explained later” and complained about him having plot holes in series 5-7 when really it’s just that he was waiting to tie up all the loose ends in Matt Smith’s finale episode

Anyway, thus began the popular - to this day! - sentiment of thinking that Moffat is one of the worst things to happen to television, or at least Doctor Who (and Sherlock Holmes). 

And so, that was the “downfall” of Doctor Who and SuperWhoLock, so to speak, as all three shows were written off by the wider Tumblr/nerd community as being incredibly cringy. 

Now, to examine it from today’s view, in light of recent series/opinion about the series/the female Doctor reveal. 

The problem is, the general attitude about Moffat - who don’t get me wrong, is far from a flawless writer, or person - has literally reached the point of mass delusion. It’s very clear that literally thousands of people have a completely fictionalised version of him in their heads. 

How do I know this? I saw someone say that a female Doctor was a “defiance of everything the Moffat era stood for”. 

As in, the same Moffat era that, in the last three seasons:

explicitly made the genderfluidity of Time Lords canon (Dark Water/Death In Heaven, World Enough And Time)

changed the Master into a woman (Dark Water)

had the now female Master refer to becoming a woman as an “upgrade” (The Witch’s Familiar)

had a companion’s whole storyline be about “becoming the Doctor” in her own right, with her getting a whole episode of her pretending to be the Doctor, and her flying off in her own TARDIS with a companion of her own in the end of her final episode! (Flatline, Hell Bent)

had ANOTHER companion’s storyline end with her immortal space girlfriend at the console of the TARDIS, offering for her to travel through all of time and space with her in a direct parallel to the Nine/Rose offer from the first episode to the reboot (The Doctor Falls, Rose)

had a Time Lord regenerate from a white guy to a black lady onscreen just to FINALLY shut up people who said race/gender changes couldn’t happen (Hell Bent)

had the Doctor positively reacting to the suggestion that he could be  - or had been - a woman, multiple times (Death In Heaven, World Enough And Time, The Doctor Falls)

Moffat’s era has been statistically proven to have shifted public opinion in favour of a female Doctor (ask @scriptscribbles, if you want proof), thanks to the above. 

Simm!Master: “She? Is the future going to be all girl?” 

Twelve: “We can only hope.” 

Also, Moffat wrote Lumley!Doctor in The Curse of Fatal Death in 1999. He’s been pushing for a female Doctor for 18 damn years. 

So, the idea that anyone thinks he’s against it, as opposed to having explicitly worked to help make it happen for years, shows that the general opinion of him is literally a mass fictionalisation/delusion. 

(It’s just one example, but there are hundreds of others, like how everyone seems to think he thinks of himself as The Greatest Ever and having a huge ego, when he’s literally one of the most self-deprecating people ever, if you watch him in an interview. He’s openly admitted to mistakes he’s made on his time on the show, such as the way he handled the scene at the end of Flesh and Stone, and how Series 7 wasn’t his best because of the pressure he was under about the upcoming 50th anniversary; he is aware of his fallibility.) 

He’s not a perfect person, or writer, and no one knows that better than him. There’s a lot of critical discussions we could have about his writing, and there are a fair few actual problems with it, just as there are in the RTD era, and every damn era of Who that has existed. I’m not saying everybody has to like it, because every era of Doctor Who is down to personal preference, and that’s fine. There are plenty of rational, well-informed people, fans and otherwise, who have their -often sound - reasons for not liking Moffat and/or his era of Who in general. I am friends with some of them. 

But those rational, well-informed people are like, 5% of the people who otherwise make up a sea of loud, ignorant delusion that condemns Doctor Who under Moffat’s direction and downright refuses to acknowledge some of the amazing stuff it’s done in the last few years. 

(Like, Series 10 featured a black lesbian co-lead who got a happy ending, leaving the Moffat era finishing strong on six canonically sapphic women, four of whom are still alive, none of whom died pointlessly or without agency, and three of whom are immortal or close enough, in a time when all other TV sapphics are dropping dead like flies. It also had the Doctor punch a racist in the face and comment on how history is whitewashed, and had an episode slamming capitalism. Plus, the finale canonised that Time Lords don’t view gender the same way, reinforcing canon genderfluid Time Lords.)  

Between his second and third seasons of DW being divisive and/or a bit weak, all the Sherlock shit going down, and the fall of Supernatural, and the issue of people taking RTD Who as the baseline for everything Doctor Who when they really shouldn’t have, anti-Moffat sentiments got so big that masses of people fell off the show, and continue to refuse to acknowledge that he might have done anything worthwhile with it since they left. That he might, as a person, have developed and improved. 

And so, that is potentially how Doctor Who got lumped in with SuperWhoLock, labelled “not progressive”, and considered “cringy” to this day. 

Or at least, that’s my theory, as someone who wasn’t really paying a lot of attention, but knows her Doctor Who. 

[sagastar-blog]

MemoToTheMetaverse 2.4 “Gaia Says to Jeff, Let’s Take the Black Keys Car Service!”

Gaia, our hero, the story’s 16-year-old tomboyish female protagonist, walks around in a magnificent green, blue, and white bathrobe. Her long darkreddishbrown hair is dripping wet. Gaia is the planet Earth in human form, and has always been entirely awake, or aware of this fact. She’s recently emerged from the family “scuttlebutt,” a solar-powered steam room of sorts off the side of the family’s entirely ordinary first-floor Highland Park, NJ, apartment. She speaks into a hairbrush: 

Gaia: So glad to be here with Dan and Patrick of the Black Keys. Guys! Good morning! What brought you to The Orchard on this leg of the current intergalactic tour?

[Dan Auerbach--the lily-white reformed stoner father / lead singer of the indie blues rock duo from Akron known throughout the universe and beyond as The Black Keys--is a large Bert from Sesame Street doll.] 

Dan: Ummmmm. Gee. Let’s see. Well, I guess we figured we were in the neighborhood, you know, New York is kind of a thing...Hey, um, Do you guys have any coffee here? I could also really use a bagel. Like, with cream cheese, yeah? Thanks. Okay, yeah.

Patrick, a narwhal hand puppet and the drummer in the band, wears hipster glasses and grunts somewhat rhythmically: Me too. Please. Thanks. Whatever.

Gaia (turns towards the kitchen and yells): Daddy! Do we have any bagels left?

[Jeff is Gaia’s 39-year-old father, who has sole custody but, as any parent must no, very little immediate control over his daughter. He’s actually a young Bengal tiger in disguise as a human and also the Master Creator/Destroyer of All.

Jeff: Yeah, hold on. Do they want everything like usual?

Patrick the narwhal begins gnawing on the top of Bert’s head while gently spanking it from below with its tail, and grunts: “Sure thing, boss.”

Dan is distracted by Gaia’s proverbial “décolletage.” It must be said that Gaia is a beautiful, buxom, and rather rambunctious young woman, and has been for a few years now something of a man-eater. More problematically, she’s been neglected by her boyfriend/cousin-in-law, Amateratsu, the local mediocre neighborhood son, thanks to the way she’s been done dirty and wrong by life--HER LIFE, yes, but still--in recent times.

Dan: Thanks so much Jeff, that’s great. Gaia’s taking good care of us in here.

Jeff: She’s a fantastic hostess. You should check out her bedroom! It’s kind of a mess...Gaia, do you think you could maybe try sweeping some day? 

Gaia (returning to her interview): Dan, Patrick, do you ever wish a great wind would come along and wash away all the beer cans and bottles? I mean, like, take Akron....maybe all the rubber tires and factories and stuff should be...

Dan: Burned?

Patrick the narwhal has heard this story so many times already. He continues drumming on his lap, staring rather obtusely at Gaia’s round ass as she busily picks up last night’s detritus. He doesn’t mind getting interviewed today because he owes his ex-wife so much in arrears for child support that he’s willing to put up with Bert’s narcissism for yet another day.

Gaia: I was thinking, wouldn’t it be nice if Brian Wilson and the rest of the Beach Boys could just bury the hatchet and do, like, a benefit for the environment or something? Like, what is it going to take for some big shot celebrity musicians to actually get involved in American public life?

Dan: What we need, clearly, is the American version of Bono. Otherwise, Africa will become China and then we’re all fucked.

Gaia: Precisely. (prepares her hookah for the day’s first toke....Jeff doesn’t mind that Gaia is going through a phase in which she smokes as much cannabis as she wants when she’s at his house. She’s not always home from school, so he figures it’s a balanced approach to Creation/Destruction.)

Patrick: Do you think we could hit that?

Gaia (eyes smoldering): Butt of course, Monsieur Patrick. Et toi, Dan? Qu’en volez vous?

Dan: Did you just ask me where I’m flying next? 

Gaia: EH bien. Si vous voulez faire le countertransference avec moi, ca va couterez...(she lights up)

Jeff (buttering and cream-cheesing the bagels): Gaia, I’m serious! Your room!

Gaia (tucking her Bert and narwhal weiweis into her bed): I suggest we take the Black Keys Car Service to the eco preserve.

Jeff: Gaia, can you please explain to our guests what that will entail?

[Pollux and Castor emerge from the basement, all sparkly. They’re stars from an intergalactic talent competition known as Copernamici. As the head stars in the constellation Gemini, they are Amateratsu’s siblings, relatives of Jeff and Lucius. Pollux is slightly brighter and cheerier in general, whereas Castor has a beautiful, rich baritone voice.]

Castor: I was hoping we’d get to go to the preserve. There’s so little nature here in The Orchard, which is kind of ironic, don’t you think?

Pollux: Yeah, I was just thinking that it’s weird that there are signs all around this town, what is it called here Highland Park, that say things like “Tree City U.S.A.” and “No Hate Here.” They can’t even see us when they look up at night! Where exactly is the eco preserve, Gaia?

Gaia: Sore subject. Which is why I suggest taking the Black Keys Car Service! Daddy, you explain in a longwinded monologue which is not exactly a siloloquy but who cares because Shakespeare was SUCH a bitch...

Jeff (sets down the coffee at the C2 Center for Educational Brainwashing, where he is paid 27 dollars an hour to help privileged children improve their SAT scores): THE BLACK KEYS CAR SERVICE is one of the greatest ideas ever. It is the solution to the problem we face today aboard Spaceship Earth. (speaking into the ship’s PA system microphone) Humans! You have, since the dawn of the industrial revolution, been shitting in your own scuttlebutt! You have been, like cyborgswine, befouling your own trough. Your pollution--Ohio, we’re looking right at you...OH GEEZ, Cuyahoga was a great R.E.M. song about you burning rivers...where are you Michael Stipe when the galaxy needs you?--will no longer be tolerated. I have come here, people of Earth, to save Gaia. Only, the way it works is that Gaia doesn’t need salvation. Gaia, your planet Earth, will outlive all of you. Life will persist on this planet whether you want it to or not...at least for a little longer. The point here is that I am here to protect Gaia from all of you who have been either neglecting and violating her. (Hugs his daughter tightly.) The latter is worse than the former, but there are no innocent people in this world of ours, right Gaia?

Gaia (not a victim..a survivor): Correct.

Jeff (continues): Now. You, humans, will end this farce of an existence. You have serious environmental problems which you are not capable of fixing by yourselves. The first step in solving a problem is admitting that you have a problem. The Black Keys Car Service is the best way for you to admit you have a problem.

Jeff and Gaia step out to their electric car.

We’re not suggesting that you need to trash your entire civilization. No. That’d be impractical. You need to recycle it. You need to throw away a lot of stuff that’s bad. 

Amateratsu (offstage): I SUGGEST FEEDING ME!

Jeff: Let’s shoot a bunch of shit into the sun, like old junk that’s bad for Gaia. Let’s figure out a way to use nuclear and other technologies sustainably and responsibly. There are no such thing as “bad nukes,” just as there are no such things as “bad phones.” You have technology and you need to learn how to use it wisely. I say I’m wisdom unemployed. I don’t need to spend my time pretending to teach here at the C2 Center for Educational Polyamorous Cockblocking and Blueballing. It’s not very fun, rewarding, or productive for me. (Imagine that, John Lenin!) 

It’s not easy for you to accept that you’re a computer virus and that your existence is a threat to lots (not ALL) other life here on Earth. I get that! We have a suggestion...

Gaia (grabs the mic and screams as loudly as possible): Just send an ordinary unmarked car to Jeff’s house at 35 S. Fifth Avenue in Highland Park, NJ, 08904, U.S.A, Earth, Dimension 1(?)=1 / infinity. (Everyone knows my real address is one over infinity!) But make sure it’s like really smooth and cool...you know, like it should be the kind of car service that Dan and Patrick would use and then try to cash in on by selling out...like El Camino.   

But it can’t be an El Camino. It should be like a 2002 Ford or something. Not eco-friendly! It needs to be authentic and real, like Akron but WORSE. If I’m being violated, at least let Jeff on the Lester GangBangBus. You know what I mean? SO the one thing about The Black Keys Car Service is that it’s got to be both legitimate and correct. There will be no “Black Keys” cds or music or anything directly related to the Black Keys in the car, obviously. The music should be a delightful mixture of T. Bone Burnett classics, which is to say stuff that would sell at Starbucks and not offend Jeff. This is how Jeff learns! By doing human anthropology. We don’t hate your culture. We just have taste and need a little bit of respect, so like, no music referencing “niggers,” “bitches,” and other unsavory aspects of your filthy human world. I’m sorry, but there’s a difference between you listening to what you like in public and you exposing me and my Daddy and my friends  to your pollution. We need to be protected, like in an eco preserve! 

Jeff: What Gaia is trying to say is that I don’t ask for much. You’ve been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. That’s fine by me. I’m used to it. But now that you’ve been caught, you have to admit it. You have to admit what you’ve done and you have to do it soon by sending The Black Keys Car Service, which is recognizing me as someone valuable and worthy of dignity and respect, as well as adoration, of course. 

Send me a private car with a driver--let him be exactly like the dude who plays bass and also keyboards for the Shins, if not that guy himself!--who recognizes me as JustJeff and takes me where I want to go. For free (i.e. without charging me money or making me feel awkward). You know who I am, so stop pretending! Allow the driver to speak to me like a normal person. It will be great! And please let there be bagels with cream cheese and coffee in the car. Other than that, there’s nothing else for me to request. If you do that, i’ll know that we’re going somewhere together. 

If I’m going to save you, Gaia, it’s going to be on my terms, not theirs. We have a lot of work to do and must take practical steps. The Black Keys Car Service is the best way to get moving in the right direction.

Gaia (fidgeting with her phone): OMJ, I hate this phone! (throws it out the window and turns up the music, which I believe is some Dusty Springfield song, but we can’t be sure...)