#which means more ppl reporting to me and less time to be spent on here >_< sobs ..

[tetzoro]

good morning & happy monday friendz ! and happy earth day yipeee !! i hope you all have a wonderful start to the week ! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ᰔ

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

AAAH I just saw you're taking requests for FoM Universe!

can you please write about the process & aftermath of Bruce claiming Y/N as his daughter publicly?

like what happens... how do the people of Gotham react... how it affects her relationship with Jason and the batfam... do ppl in the superhero world say something to Bruce... stuff like that

(only if you want to ofc!)

love your fics (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Father of Mine – Part 1 and Part 2

Y/N felt happy.

Jason had managed to wake up Y/N early and drag her to their favorite coffee shop in the neighborhood.

He had been so busy with Red Hood business that they hadn’t spent nearly enough time together – at least not to his liking.

Date nights were the norm for most couples. But there was something about early mornings and breakfast dates that seemed so much more romantic to Jason. No one was really out, most were still sleeping. And the rising sun just couldn’t be beat. Maybe Y/N’s photography skills and obsession with good lighting had started to condition him.

Y/N reached across their little booth and traced the shadows under Jason eyes with her thumb – and with a sad expression as she did it.

“You need to get some sleep, handsome,” she told him softly.

And Jason knew his girlfriend was right.

He had been working on a case day and night. Which was also the reason he could hardly spend time with Y/N.

Sleep used to not matter to him. It didn’t matter that he walked around like a zombie – or if he basically became nocturnal. He got the job done and that was all that mattered.

But once Jason met Y/N, once he found a real reason to live…

Well, things changed.

Jason took care of himself better – or at least tried to. Drinking less and eating better were the easier ones. Somehow getting the required hours of sleep was the most challenging.

“I’m fine,” Jason shot down her concern.

“Such a bad liar,” she teased.

The last thing Y/N wanted to do was turn this into an argument.

“I have an idea,” she told him with as much excitement as she could muster with it still only being 8 o’clock in the morning.

“Hmm?” Jason hummed.

It didn’t matter what her idea was… Jason already knew he would do anything she asked. And he suspected Y/N knew that, too.

“How about we finish breakfast and then take a long nap together?”

Jason couldn’t hold back the smile at how she was subtly trying to take care of him.

God, he fucking loved her.

“Thought you had to work?” He tried to remind her and offer an out.

“It can wait. I miss sleeping next to you. Sometimes it feels like we’re in a long-distance relationship in two completely different timezones,” Y/N admitted with her head hung a bit.

“I think a nap sounds like a great idea,” Jason agreed. “Come on. Let’s get outta here.”

A few minutes later, they turned the corner to their apartment to see at least a dozen photographers and two film crews outside the building.

“What the fuck,” Jason growled.

“Damn it. I thought they’d be gone by now,” Y/N groaned in response.

He stopped walking to face her. “What do you mean?”

“They’ve been parked outside the apartment every day for the past three weeks,” Y/N confessed, almost sounding guilty.

Three weeks.

Because it had been three weeks since Bruce Wayne sent out a press release that stated Y/F/N Y/L/N was his daughter.

Gotham had a field day.

But Jason and Y/N had been in Hawaii for the first two weeks, trying to minimize the press once Bruce clarified that Y/N was not his girlfriend, but actually his illegitimate child.

Now their avoidance was just catching up to them.

Little did Jason know that reporters and paparazzi had been camped out of the home he slept in every morning. His sleep schedule and vigilante hours made his life so chaotic and weird that he hadn’t even noticed them sitting outside.

'Some boyfriend you are,' Jason thought to himself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked her.

Y/N tried to hide her amusement. “What good would that do? Red Hood gonna come and shoot up the place?”

Jason glared at her.

“I’m serious, Jason. What good would telling you have done?” She repeated. “It just would’ve stressed you out. And then you'd feel guilty for not knowing before I told you.”

They both knew she was right.

Jason sighed. “I could’ve had Roy stationed outside or at least someone from his security company.”

“It wouldn’t do anything. They’d still be waiting outside.” Y/N sighed. “They’re not doing anything illegal, Jason. There’s nothing to be done. It’s just annoying.”

Once again, Jason knew she was right.

He gently grabbed her hand. “Come on.”

And just like that, Jason was her body guard and not her boyfriend. There was a terrifying scowl taking residence on his face and he made sure to be a half a step ahead of Y/N, ready to put his body between her and any possible threat.

As soon as one of the reporters spotted them, it was utter chaos:

“Y/N! Y/N! What does it feel like to have Bruce Wayne as a dad?”

“Do you feel any resentment for having an absent father?”

“Isn’t it incest to date the man who was once a ward of Bruce Wayne?”

“Do you think your career would be less successful without nepotism?”

Every one was yelling at the same time. But somehow Y/N still caught all the offensive questions being thrown at them.

Jason’s grip tightened protectively on Y/N’s hand. He wished he could shoot all of them with rubber bullets as he strong armed them out of the way.

Then suddenly one of the paparazzi’s flashes went off, just inches from Y/N’s face. It was a bright and sunny morning, and flash photography was completely unnecessary.

The assault of it all scared Y/N and basically blinded her. She hissed as she blinked the pain away and stumbled back a little.

Now Jason was pissed.

With his free hand, he put his 6’3 body between Y/N and the paparazzi.

Jason grabbed the man’s collar, lifting him off the ground like a rag doll.

“You get in her face like that again and I’ll shove your overpriced camera up your fucking ass,” Jason bellowed.

Y/N wouldn’t be surprised if the paparazzi pissed himself from the threat.

“Are we clear?” Jason asked in a growl.

The paparazzi shook his head up and down, fear evident in his eyes.

Jason dropped him, not giving a shit when the man fell to the ground, too scared to gain his footing or catch his balance in time.

But now everyone cleared a very obvious path for the couple.

It was probably the wrong plan of attack, especially when dealing with the media. But provoking fear and using intimidation were the tactics Jason was fluent in.

aAnd when Y/N was the person being threatened, he had a habit of not thinking clearly.

Thankfully they got into their apartment with no further issues.

“Y/N, it’s been like that for a week and you didn’t say anything?” Now Jason was fully upset.

She only shrugged, “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!”

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. “It’s not exactly like I had any fucking choice in the matter, Jason! The press was trying to say that I was my father's flavor of the week. We had to do something and this is the consequence.”

That shut Jason up.

“You’ve barley even slept since you got that case. I didn’t want to bother you.”

Jason growled. Like, legitimately let out an animalistic growl. “Y/N, fuck the case. You need to talk to me.”

She rolled her eyes. “Jesus Christ, Jason. Bruce is moments away from putting a full security detail on me 24/7. Even more ridiculous, Clark would come flying the moment I screamed his name if I needed saving.”

Oops.

That was not the right thing to say.

The last thing a girlfriend should do is claim another man would be who she called first for saving – before her actual boyfriend.

And Y/N immediately caught herself.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she quickly told him.

Jason just slowly nodded his head.

But Y/N knew the damage was already done.

Before she could apologize or Jason could lose his temper, his phone received a message.

Jason looked at it and sighed.

“It’s a lead, isn’t it?” Y/N asked quietly.

He just nodded.

“I gotta go,” he told her without looking her in the eye.

“J, wait. Can we talk about this?”

But Jason had already grabbed the keys to his motorcycle, walked out the door, and slammed it shut behind him.

The sound made Y/N flinch.

“Fuck.”

——————

Getting recon during the day always made things a bit complicated. It wasn’t as easy to blend in with the streets of Gotham as Red Hood when the sun was high in the sky.

It also probably didn’t help that he was thinking about his conversation with Y/N since he’d slammed the door of their apartment.

Jason knew Y/N didn’t mean what he assumed she did.

But Jason already lost sleep from worrying about keeping Y/N out of Red Hood business and protecting her. It was his worst nightmare and biggest stress.

And even Y/N hinting that she would call for Superman or her father before her own boyfriend hurt Jason – even though he didn’t want to admit it.

The sun was just starting to go down by the time Jason was done with Red Hood business.

He made a point of stopping by the bodega to pick up some flowers. It was a lame apology, but he knew it was at least a good start.

To his surprise, there were no longer any paparazzi or camera crews sitting outside their apartment building.

“Y/N?” Jason called out.

Silence.

Quickly, he checked the rest of the home. There were no signs of it being broken into or anything like that, so he tried not to panic.

Once he made it to the kitchen, he noticed there was a note on the island.

Went to the manor. ❤️ Y/N

Jason sighed.

That wasn’t a good sign.

He quickly tried to call her, but she didn’t pick up.

Next he woefully called Bruce.

“Wondered when you’d call,” he answered on the second ring.

“So she’s there?” Jason asked.

“Yes. Arrived a couple hours ago.”

“And has she been telling you how out of control the paparazzi have been?”

There was a beat of silence. “No, she hasn’t.”

Jason could tell that it angered Bruce just as much as him. But Bruce wouldn’t make the mistake of misdirecting the emotion and taking it out on Y/N, like Jason had.

“I’m on my way,” Jason told him.

“She brought a bag. Mentioned something about staying at the manor for a bit. Figured you’d want to know.”

Jason knew what Bruce was trying to tell him. “Alfred put her in my old room?”

“Per usual.”

————

“Hey, Alfred,” Jason greeted when the butler opened the front door.

“Master Jason,” he replied with a soft smile. “I’ve been expecting you since Ms. Y/L/N arrived.”

“Happen to know where she is?”

“I believe she is at the pool. I shall take your bags up to your room so you can go and speak with her right away, Master Jason.”

“Thanks, Alfred.”

Lo and behold, Y/N was at the pool, swimming laps.

Titus was sitting on the edge, watching her as if he was her personal lifeguard.

Jason pat the dog on the head and she squat at the edge with his forearms balanced on his knees.

It a took a moment or two for Y/N to notice him.

“Hey,” Jason was the first to speak.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

She looked around as if it were obvious, “Swimming.”

Jason narrowed his eyes with a smirk. “I meant what are you doing at the manor.”

Y/N sighed and swam to the edge he was leaning over. “I need a break.”

Jason tilted his head. “From me?”

“No. Them. The vultures outside the apartment.”

He just nodded.

“Jason…I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t. Clark is your friend – a friend you’ve had years before I ever met you.” Then he let out a laugh and shook his head. “But I’m still a man. And it’s a little rough feeling like you’re competing with Superman – especially when it comes to protecting you.”

“I don’t want you to protect me, Jason. I just want you to be my boyfriend.”

“My plan was always to do both.”

“Fine. But can you at least prioritize the boyfriend one first?”

Jason smirked. “I’ll try my best.”

“Can I see your phone?” Y/N asked.

Without even thinking, Jason handed it to her.

In a swift motion, Y/N placed it safely to the side, grabbed onto the neck of Jason’s t-shirt, and tugged hard.

Maybe if Jason wasn’t trying to get back into her good graces, he would’ve fought harder. But he just let it happen, falling into the pool fully clothed.

When Jason breached the surface, he gave Y/N a frisky glare.

“Oops,” she whispered.

Jason quickly grabbed her by the bottom and pulled her to him, forcing her legs to wrap around his waist as he stood in the water.

“Don’t keep things from me, OK?” Jason begged, as he pressed his forehead to hers. “It doesn’t matter if you think I’m busy. There’s nothing more important to me than you.”

She just nodded lightly.

“The press will get bored soon enough. Things will get better.”

But she looked doubtful. “I’m not sure I agree.”

Jason could see that she really believed that.

The pool was quiet as he thought for a moment.

“You know, Y/N, we don’t have to stay here.”

She looked confused.

“In Gotham," Jason clarified. "We can go anywhere you want.”

“That’s not true. Gotham needs Red Hood. It probably always will.”

“Doesn’t matter. You pick a place. And I’m there.”

Y/N kissed him. “Gotham is our home, Jason. And I’m not running away from my problems.”

“But you did run away to Wayne Manor…” He teased.

Y/N rolled her eyes and tried to push him away.

But Jason’s grip was tight as he laughed at her reaction.

Before she could try to fight him more, Jason captured her lips in a passionate kiss.

“If you have sex in the pool, I’m pouring acid into my eyes.”

Jason broke the kiss to glare at Damian. “What is it with you, you little fucking voyeur? At this rate, you’re gonna grow up to be a peepin’ Tom.”

“Excuse me!” The boy shot back. “I was sent to fetch the two of you for dinner.”

“We’re coming, Dami. No need to blind yourself,” Y/N said in a laugh as she lifted herself out of the pool.

“He’s staring at your butt,” Damian pointed out before leaving.

Y/N threw her head back with laughter and glanced back to her boyfriend for confirmation.

Jason shrugged. “I regret nothing.”

––––––––

Let me know if you liked it. Also, let me know if you want to know about other things that happened when Y/N's true parentage was exposed.

Father of Mine + bonus content

[teenyfish]

Marine Biology Story of the Day #10

Hello all.  This post was kinda delayed because I spent all day cleaning out my pool (it’s an above ground pool—my COVID 19 impulse purchase) because a hurricane came through and it’s full of dead insects and leaves among other things.  The joys of living right on the coast 😊

Thanks for all of your interest and support on my shrimp research—it’s nice to know that people are interested in the little guys too.  So today, we are going to talk about how all of my interest in tiny fish got started—my master’s program and my thesis.  

SOoooo…originally I wasn’t planning on getting my masters because it sounded like a lot of work but then I changed my mind last minute when I started looking at job applications and saw that for many of them, you needed a masters—so I ended up becoming a master’s student at the same University that I did my undergrad at—called Christopher Newport University.  It’s a teeny public school in Virginia near the Chesapeake Bay. And the reason I chose to do this is because I would be working under Dr. Jessica Thompson, who in hindsight, was probably the best advisor I could have had.

Dr. Thompson is a wonderful human being with many beautiful tattoos, and can definitely drink me under the table, and raises chickens in the middle of a city, but she is also pure and wholly supportive—something that I really needed during that period of my life.  She also exclusively studied a wonderful teeny tiny fish:  Fundulus heteroclitus, or the Mummichog.

(The males are the ones with the stripes and bright shiny scales and the female is the drabber one)

Her research focuses on this little fish because it is one of the hardiest fish on the east coast.  It primarily lives in shallow water salt marsh habitats (intertidal marshes). These shallow water habitats often have very extreme temperature and salinity changes, as shallow water heats and cools up much faster than deep water.  So they can survive in a wide range of temperatures, salinities, and dissolved oxygen conditions—I call them the cockroaches of the sea (except they are much cuter).  They are also a very important food resources for a TON of marine and coastal predators.

They were also the first fish in space—and they were used in spatial orientation studies.  You see, in space, animals and plants can lose all sense of up and down because there is no gravity—however in a few days, this fish were able to figure out their spatial orientation (possibly due to orienting to the overhead light source?). Anyway, they are incredible little babies.

(NASA scientist John Boyd choosing the first two fish (and fish eggs) to leave planet earth)

Because they can move into the very shallow intertidal marsh area (the part where the grasses grow) they can avoid predators during high tide, and this area of the marsh is chock full of food for them, mostly in the form of small zooplankton and worms that live in the mud.  But during low tide, this part of the habitat dries up, and they are forced out into the deeper subtidal creeks of the marsh, where they get to be in cooler water, but they are at the mercy of predators, and there is less food.

(everything in the open water is subtidal, everything between tidal flat and low marsh is intertidal)

My aspect of this research involved looking at behavior choices made by these guys when presented with “intertidal marsh” habitat filled with food and marsh grass (their preferred habitat), however we cranked the temperature up to 34-40 oC (93—104 oF), OR a empty “subtidal creek” habitat with no food or structure, but at their optimum temperature for growth at 26 oC (79 oF). 34-40 oC is an EXTREMELY high temperature for fish to be able to function at—most fish begin shutting down their metabolism at these temperatures (aka dying).  But supposedly, Mummichog can deal with these temps.  There thermal maxima (upper temperature at which they can function) is reported to be 42 oC.

So I had to construct an experimental tank.  

These were some of the first iterations of the tank—we had to do a lot of practice runs before we got the design just right.  The concept is the same—we used this corrugated plastic (the same you use to make those political signs ppl stick in their front yard) to form two sections, one for warm, one for cold, and a box in the middle that we would remove a door and allow for the fish to swim out.  Once the fish chose a side (remained on a side for more than 10 seconds) we would close them off from the rest of the tank—they made a “choice”. In later iterations of the design, we covered the tank in more of the plastic to hide them from us (so they wouldn’t show fear behaviors) and put in fake salt marsh grass on the warm side to mimic an intertidal marsh habitat.  Fish were also fed pieces of cut up shrimp on the warm side.   We ran 3 trials at increasing temperatures for each run, and during each trial, the fish were run through the tank simulation once a day for three weeks.  

In order to get fish for this study, we had to catch wild fish. To catch them, we set minnow traps in the small channels leading into the intertidal marsh at low tide, and as the tide came in, and fish funneled into these channels, they became trapped in our minnow traps.

(examples of minnow traps, and our collection site in Norfolk) 

Problem was, in order to get out to these sites, we had to slog through some serious mud.  I’m talking about sink up to your thigh levels of mud y’all (and this really bothered me, I’m super claustrophobic).  So in order not to get trapped in the mud, we had to wear mudders, which are a little bit like snowshoes (in concept?) but also not like snowshoes at all.  They were like boxes you strapped onto your feet with plastic sticking out on the side which was meant to make your footprint bigger (and therefore give you more support on the mud).  They worked pretty well but they always gave me major bruises on my ankles as the plastic pressed up and into my ankles.  I had to buy some foam padding to wrap around my ankles it was so bad.

Once we got our sweet little babies, I would tag each of them individualy so I could keep track of individual fish.  I did this with a combination of Visible Implant Alpha Tags, which are florescent and have individual numbers on them, or Visible Implant Elastomer Tag, which are made of a non-toxic elastomer “paint” and come in 9 colors, so you can create an individual code for each individual by combining 2 colors. These tags are injected under the skin so that they are still visible (fish skin is pretty transparent) but are not very deep in the muscle tissue. These are really great tags to use on really small fish. We used MS-Tricane to anesthetize the fish and inject them, so basically I’ve done fish surgery. You can check out these tags at Northwest Marine Technology—I still use them now!  I’m using them on a current project.  

(left, a VI Alpha Tag on a trout, right, two different colors of VI elastomer tags on a flounder) 

And our fish did really well after tagging—we had no tagging mortalities!

Once we ran these fish through all three trials, it was time to analyze data. We calculated the fish’s dominant “choice” by calculating the proportion of days during the trial they chose the “warm side”—if their proportion was 90%, they had a high affinity for choosing the warm side, 30% they had a low affinity for choosing the warm side and instead more often chose the cool side for example.  Then we put this data into environmental models to see if temperature influenced their choices.

And the result?

You read it here first folks.  These little fish decided to swim into upwards of 104 o C water regularly to get food—they were so food motivated—and most fish chose the warm side over the cool side most often during every trial.  However there was a decent amount of variation—there was a contingent of fish that went into the cool side more often as temperature rose, and would forgo eating for comfort, but overall, the fish chose the warm side.  This shows that these fish may be able to adapt quickly as temperatures rise—and those that choose to move into warmer, shallower waters to access food will more likely survive to reproduce (since they choose to be in regions with less predators and more food).  This means they are more likely to pass on their warm water acclimating genes to their offspring, continuing their species ability to deal with extreme temperatures on to the next generations.  

My thesis defense obviously went well, and I got my masters, but I’ve kept my interest for the smaller fish and invertebrate species because they form one of the base levels of our ocean ecosystems and serve as a very important food resource to larger predators.  I’d like to credit Dr. Thompson for giving me this interested and giving me the appreciation for these little and underappreciated animals.  She and I have kept in touch—she was actually at my wedding last May, and when my dad got in a major accident (four days before I was supposed to defend my thesis) she came to the hospital and helped me through it, and also helped me push back my defense one semester so I could recuperate from the trauma a little.  I am extremely grateful for her tutelage, and I’m grateful for these sweet little babies.

Thanks for reading, and as always, if you have any questions about the field work or the research, PLEASE do not hesitate to ask or comment.

[lavellane]

ok so heres an obligatory twc/detective oc infodump since i was up til 2am last night feverishly thinking abt Her

(tho um disclaimer i literally have just started so i know less than nothing abt anything lol)

her name is beatrice maddox ! but her friends/the whole town just calls her triss. hearing her full name just makes her feel like shes in trouble Unless its ava saying it and then shes 😳😳😳😳

shes bi ! aaaaand nobody is surprised in the slightest lmao ! she dated bobby and im ..... considering doing the n/a love triangle route tho i kno nothing abt it. definitely going to end up w ava tho bc i cannae resist

tattoos. EVERYWHERE. a couple are meaningful, but for the most part??? absolutely nonesensical 🥰 her tattoos were very carefully chosen to represent and Symbolize that she is Cool and Bisexual and Hot. thats it ✊

her personality is.... ok im not gonna try with the whole canon stats thing but she's very cheerful ! in a sort of Cool and casual and lighthearted way. maybe a little too lighthearted, almost as if it maybe.... it was a little forced 👀

shes a realist as opposed to an optimist/pessimist , but she tends have an ironic/lighthearted sense of humour that makes her seem a lot more silly than she is i guess? in truth, outside of like surface level warmth and extroversion for the sake of saving face, shes actually very reserved and awkward. i mean, she IS genuinely a very warm person, but theres a lot of darkness she tends to keep very deep inside herself, that virtually nobody has ever rly seen from her. shes the type of person who's GREAT at like, first impressions and having dozens and dozens of amicable aquaintances, but she rly struggles to form close friendships bc shes quite aloof and eccentric, sometimes says stuff that makes her sound callous, keeps a LOT of secrets and... hates opening up to ppl authentically lol! for reasons i'll get into!

she progressed thru her education and career stuff really quickly mostly due to being a gifted child ! obviously tho that means she also has gifted child syndrome lol. while she still excels professionally and on the surface she seems very functional and cheery and put together, her personal life has rly suffered bc of burnout and anxiety nd whatnot. emotionally shes not at the same place as others her age and shes just. very caught up inside her own head i guess and has a LOT of trouble relating to others, tho she's aquaintances/friendly with most everyone in the town. longterm relationships are VERY hard for her.

so. im already editing canon lol which is very on brand for me and it might not work idk !!!! but my lore for her rn is when she was a child, like 8 or 9, she um witnessed a murder/a body being discarded in the woods. it REALLY fucked her up.obviously. she was a kid and alone at the time and when she got home she was so ????????¿¿¿¿¿¿¿ abt it that she didnt tell her parents or let anybody know. at the time she still didnt rly understand what she saw, or at least didnt know how to handle situations like that bc literally Who would, but it still keeps her up at night, and shes still plagued by guilt and fear over it. the murder was never reported and nobody ever discovered anything, so sometimes she convinces herself that what she thinks she saw didnt actually happen ..... she rly doesnt know ! and it scared tf out of her !

that whole deal lead to her becoming uh quite morbid ! she was still a bright happy kid, but death sort of became like.... a n interest of hers, as well as criminals and finding out stuff. im still not sure if her focus is gonna be on detective work primarily or on science, ill maybe decide after my first playthru. anyway she never did anything that was like an actual red flag or anything xbxjsksms but she was just a Weird Girl growing up after that. she'd watch a LOT of true crime and read everything she could get her hands on and absolutely would have annoyed the shit out of all the detectives at the station.

speaking of annoying cops, shes also a reformed Rascal teenager. she was VERY rebellious as a kid, again mostly bc of Trauma, and was basically the loveable bane of wayhaven's existence for a good four years. again, she was mischievous but not in a malicious/dangerous way, but she definitely would have seen the inside of the station's jail cell a few times for like..idk. egging houses, graffiti, maybe weed idk ! just girly things! she ended up mellowing out soon afer highschool but shes still cool enough to have arm sleeve tattoos so u kno she still absolutely passes the vibe check

last point abt the murder but ! that event basically got repressed pretty quickly after it happened, she does not talk about it EVER, not to anybody. literally not a single person on earth knows what happened that day except her and the possibly-not-real-killer. and, while its sort of filed under the "Dont Consciously Think About This Ever" section of her brain, she obviously is haunted by it and has nightmares consistently, and its basically what inspired her to become a detective in the first place. bc its not so much about Seeing it that affected her so much as... not knowing who did it, not knowing what happened, and not being able to stop it. so much of her life after that was spent of Figuring Everything Out as like a coping mechanism, which obviously put a lot of pressure on her and strain on relationships, but it makes for great detectives lmao !

she is a hugely active person and needs constant mental simulation bc she genuinely hates quiet, and being left alone with her thoughts and memories. living alone sucks for her, so she usually has to play music as soon as she gets home, needs to go to sleep w music, needs to drive with music.... and driving is the worst. she sort of.... goes thru life feeling very ghostlike ! like shes living in a verh different world to everyone else. like shes waiting for something terrible to happen in every waking moment - its mostly practice that allows her to hide it with lightheartedness and jokes and deflective warmth, bc otherwise she'd go crazy !

i'll add more to this when i know more but if u read all of this i love you so much and you deserve a medal. im actually shocked im getting so into this already like i RLY didnt think i would

(ps her pinterest is a work in progress but it's here if anyones interested!)

[scripttorture]

Hi! I don't know if what I'm about to ask falls into torture, but maybe you have the answer. My character get drugged, and men beat her in an alley, kinda just for fun, for over 30 minutes and they just leave. Can this qualify as torture? Also, is it possible that she starts to befriend violent ppl who she knows won't hurt her to feel safe? Or is it most likely she will try to avoid any violence? I know ppl react differently, but I don't know which one is the more realist option. Thank you!

Hello. :)

 This sort of scenario is unlikely to meet the legal definition of torture, it’s an assault. But the mechanics, risks and effects on the survivor character are likely to be the same whether she’s beaten in the street or in a jail cell.

 Readers I do take questions on things that wouldn’t meet the legal definition of torture. And attacks like this do still effect victims as seriously.

 My first suggestion is to reduce the time she’s beaten for a couple of reasons.

 The first is that it’s difficult for the attackers to keep up a violent assault constantly for that long a period. Most attacks last a few minutes. Five minutes would be an unusually long time. Ten minutes would take some serious stamina.

 A good way to come up with a realistic time frame is to watch a couple of martial arts matches and try to add up how long the competitors actually spend hitting each other. Professional boxers usually look knackered and drenched in sweat inside 2-3 minutes. Yes I probably have spent too long watching Nicola Adams fight, I have no regrets-

 Fights take a lot of energy.

 The second reason is that I’m pretty sure if a group of people were hitting a victim for half an hour that victim would probably be dead.

 You don’t seem to be describing the attackers making any effort to keep the victim alive. If they are just repeatedly hitting her-

 I think in less then a minute she’d be on the floor. And the longer she’s down there being kicked, stomped on etc the more likely it is she’d get a serious head injury or multiple broken ribs puncturing her lungs or just sustain enough damage that she’d suffer organ failure.

 A person can be beaten to death in under thirty seconds if they’re unlucky. Two minutes is more then enough time for your character to come out of this injured and severely traumatised.

 If it’s important to the story that she’s controlled by these attackers for 30 minutes then that isn’t unrealistic. She might be prevented from escaping, threatened and hurt for that time. But being beaten continuously for 30 minutes is a different story.

 I do understand why authors reach for extended time frames, it’s partly because it’s hard to find a realistic time frame and it’s partly because you want to show this is serious.

 My advice is don’t try to show something is serious by using a time frame. Do it by showing the effect on the victim.

 That means showing a combination of the pain she’s in while she’s attacked, the physical recovery process afterwards and the long term psychological effects on her.

 You don’t actually have to devote a lot of words or narrative time to showing most of these if you don’t want to. A throw away line like ‘I was in the hospital for three weeks’ or ‘They reconstructed my eye socket with part of my hip bone’ tells readers that the character spent a significant amount of time in physical recovery. It also gives a medical assurance that this was serious. You can similarly shorten the description of the attack, while still showing that it was serious.

 If you do want to write a fairly detailed account of the attack there are a few things I’ve found helpful for that.

 Take a few martial arts classes if you can. If you can’t find some youtube videos that are designed to teach a martial art. This helps give an idea of what’s possible for most people and how much energy a fight takes.

 When there are more then two people involved I draw out a fight. Not in a way that requires a lot of effort and artistic skill though. I imagine I’m looking down on the fight from directly above. I draw where any walls, roads, rocks, parked cars or other obstacles are, usually as lines. Then I draw the people as circles, usually with their first initial in the circle.

 I draw this out a couple of times for different parts of the fight so I can keep track of where everyone is. It also helps to identify where they might move to. For instance an outnumbered character who is being attacked is going to try and slip through any gaps between the attackers. A character who is trying to defend someone else is going to keep moving so that they’re between their friend and the attackers.

 When you can see clearly how the characters are moving describing the fight becomes a lot easier.

 As for long term behavioural changes, a lot of things are possible. I think both of the responses you’ve suggested are probably possible but- the changes are rarely quite so straightforward.

 One of the more common long term changes survivors can experience is losing faith in people generally. They start to see all people as potential threats.

 But that starting point could lead someone surround themselves with ‘tough’ friends to protect them, or it could lead them to avoid anything potentially violent, or it could lead to neither of those things.

 I’ve seen survivors report that they tried to become tougher, that they took martial arts classes or started carrying knives but I’ve not seen any report that they went looking for tough friends. And I’ve seen survivors report avoiding people or life outside the home generally but avoiding violence is often seen as impossible.

 It’s really common for survivors to distrust everyone else. So I think if you want your character to have this strong bond with ‘tough’ people that she trusts to protect her they should be people she knew and trusted before the attack.

 But generally, this needs a little bit more work to capture how this character is changed.

 If you haven’t already take a look at the common symptoms over here.

 I think if you want your character driven towards or away from a violent lifestyle the best way to think about it is by starting with symptoms. Sure, your character will probably be afraid, but what else is she feeling?

 If she feels a bit nihilistic, like the worst has already happened and it doesn’t matter if she’s hurt, that sounds like depression with suicidal tendencies. And that could be used to drive her towards violent people and taking risks.

 If she feels on edge, like she’s always under threat, that suggests hypervigilance and anxiety to me. And you could use that to drive her away from risky situations because even normal situations seem too risky.

 You can make either of your options realistic by tying them into the right symptoms and showing those symptoms consistently. But without those symptoms and that ground work both of these options would feel unrealistic. It’s not because they’re not possible, it’s because you need to capture why the character is choosing to do these things.

 And that’s rooted in more then just fear.

 I hope that helps. :)

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Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S21

What a tender intro omg also why is this filler so well animated

The introduction of modern technology will never not be funny to me. Kakashi on a laptop. Gaara sending emails. What has the ninja world come to 

I know it’s just superfluous background motion but that angry little cat design was amazing. Takes me tf out 

Hello again New English Iruka Voice time to feel slightly uncomfortable 

Doesn’t Inuyasha have a monopoly on this baby with a red ball imagery

Why! Is! No one! Making sure! Naruto is fed! He’s a baby!!!!!!

Naruto and Sasuke were such adorable children my heart

SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THE FAMILY WHERE ONE OF THE CHILDREN IS JUST A FROG? WHO IS DOING THESE BACKGROUND ANIMATIONS?????

In case you thought I wasn’t being literal:

[Accompanying dialogue to this image: “Did you hear the rumours that Lord Fourth died because of him?” WHO IS THIS FROG CHILD WITH A VENDETTA AGAINST MINATO]

This ninja cowboy music seems slightly misplaced but okay

Hiruzen. U r the literal ninja president. Naruto is foraging in the forest for food bc no one is taking care of him! How r u like ‘Hahah I’m hungry too :D’ 

“The things that we inconsequential humans worry about are often very petty indeed” “You’re right” It’s Philosophy Hours ft. Pre-Schoolers 

“Are you sure these mushrooms are safe to eat? “Won’t know ‘til we eat ‘em” HIRUZEN PICK UP THE PHONE 

SCREAMS FIVE YEAR OLD NARUTO JUST JUMPED OFF THE HOKAGE MONUMENT AHHHHHH

I miss Neji :((((((((((((((((

“Please make sure that you look after Neji” show us Neji’s mum you cowards!!!

“You have to be more positive, and confident!” Nejiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii my boy

“I wish that I could switch places with you, big brother” There’s a lot to unpack here and I’m wildly concerned about all of it. This episode ought to be titled Konoha Desperately Requires Child Welfare Programs

Making an mini-episode which largely depicts Neji’s tragic backstory and centring its ending on Hinata seems like an odd angle to take

 “I’m alone. I don’t have anyone, but I never cry” NARUTOOOOO

KJHFKJHG THIS NINJA BASEBALL OUTRO I LOVE IT 

SASUKE USING HIS SHARINGAN TO CHEAT AT BASEBALL I WHEEZE

Also not that I don’t like Genma but why is he a central figure in this ending. Has he had more than a single conversation with Naruto in his life

Lmao @ Sasuke and Itachi’s child versions going back to having their adult voices. Pick a lane SP!!!

“Things in season are always cheap and tasty” “Oh, is that so, Sasuke? Hahaha” Sasuke learning about the ninja economy

“We’re going to visit your mother’s family” Two questions: 1) Aren’t your families the same family (eep) and 2) Don’t they all live in the same part of the village

90% of this dialogue is recycled from prior episodes except delivered more slowly and it’s a little confusing 

Itachi sure knows a lot about cooking for an eleven-year-old 

Sasuke being a clumsy child is such a cute character detail ahhhh I love him so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“[Confused laughter] You want to be like me?” What a Mood Itachi

Sakura’s hideout in the woods is so sweet yes 2 semi-normal childhoods

Poor little Sakura already concerned about her appearance they never let girls live do they

“You’re really cute Sakura, don’t hide it” Ino and Sakura are the most adorable children in the WORLD I love their relationship 4ever

“If she’s cute like you say, then I would love to meet her” who will stop all men

“But Ino, aren’t you good friends with Sakura?” “No, not really” Okay not to project but. I have a lot of thoughts on this narrative 

GASP Inner Sakura’s first appearance!!

Tiny Team 7 is all I need in the world honestly I would watch a whole show that was just those three growing up

I have only just now noticed Suigetsu as third baseman. This ninja baseball game and season in general raise so many questions

Noooo Gaara don’t cry you are gonna be so loved in the future

Rasa, can I just say, from the bottom of my heart, I’m going to yeet you into the sun

“When I look up at the sky, the pain inside my heart feels a little bit better” He’s like 4!!!!!!! >:(

“Instead of a mother, you get to have me, Lord Gaara” Yashamaru: Self-Diagnosed Mumncle 

Ngl baby Gaara’s recollection of Karura is nothing like she looked like

I really don’t care for this new Iruka voice I just keep listening to him like ‘that’s not the sound of Naruto’s dad!!’

I will admit him spooking the sleeping children was cute I don’t know why I always find that so funny kjhgkjhg

“Let me buy into this fight” who taught seven-year-old Naruto to gamble

Christ alive the implication that Naruto has been doing the sexy jutsu since he was seven who will put this boy in ninja therapy

If Orochimaru had just continued to be Jiraiya’s long-suffering friend he might be half-endearing but alas he is fecal matter personified 

“Come on out, I made plenty, so you might as well stay and eat” Hjgjfjgfgffg I’m not sure what’s funnier about this scene the implication that Obito and Rin both independently followed Kakashi home without noticing each other, or that Kakashi did notice and rather than question this turn of events was just like “Guess I should make more fish”

“When you’re older, do you think you’ll become a chef” I would pay to see the AU where Kakashi becomes a professional chef why couldn’t that have been his Road to Ninja persona 

Ngl I spent the first half of Kakashi’s minisode wondering if Sakumo was dead or simply too depressed to take care of Kakashi and I think dead is the less upsetting outcome 

“It’s no fun when you’re not around, Kakashi” Obitooooooooooooooo

I’m not saying it’s suspicious that Sakumo is given two different depictions of his grave site in the anime but Sakumo fucked an alien and I stand by that statement 

All I remember from Sasuke Shinden is that a character called Sasuke “Sassy” as a nickname and if they do that in the Eng dub I won’t survive

“[Deep sigh] Alright Sakura, what is it?” Fhfjhfkjh what’s your damage Kakashi can’t your kids come to visit when people start exploding

God Sakura and Ino’s relationship is the realest.... she went to the Hokage bc her gal was worried abt her family friend and then comforted her from her loss... the looooooooove

Hinata not to devalue your work in any way but why did u collapse after poking one (1) man in the chakra point isn’t gentle fist based in taijutsu

Fhjfhkjhf I’ve seen that gif before of Kakashi knowing that Sakura was thinking about Sasuke but it’s still funny

Sasuke just hanging in the woods with kittycats what kinda redemption journey is this lmao

Ehehehe I’m still not over the fact that Sasuke recognizes Sai’s jutsu and Kakashi uses it to communicate like there are six members of team 7 and this arc PROVES IT HELL YEAH

I can’t believe I forgot the circus ninja oh my god 

“There’s good money to be found for performers like us” MOVE OVER EXPLODING HUMANS WHERE’S MY EPISODE ABOUT THE NINJA CIRCUS 

Everyone always commenting on the pupils and sclera of the Hyuga and Uchiha but nobody caring about Old Man Demon Eyes from the Bamboo Village:

You’d think at this point no amount of genjutsu could traumatize Sasuke 

They’re leaning wholeheartedly into the ninja cowboy music

That is not how I thought they would pronounce “Sassy” this show is full of twists and turns

“What about reviving the Uchiha clan? You’re the lone survivor right?” said Chino, inquiring about when Sasuke was planning to have vaginal sex

“You really think you’re going to find him inside that seriously scary looking cave?” GASP IT’S TENZO TIME

AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE IT’S MY BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

“You’re Sasuke, right?” asked Yamato, as if Sasuke had not provided the memorable introduction of stabbing a seasoned ANBU in the shoulder as a sixteen-year-old during a dramatic reunion with his team

“It would be easier for us to keep things coordinated, if you sent us progress reports as you went...” Okay not to be that gal but I love that Tenzo and Kakashi are an “us” in this mini-lecture about how Sasuke should call his father (Kakashi) more often

P sure that’s Yamato’s last speaking role goodbye sweet man we knew ye well

“So does this mean that you trust me?” GO TO JAIL OROCHIMARU

Every time that Orochimaru touches Sasuke I want to leap through the screen you leave that boy alone!!! Go! To! Jail!

Sasuke having to explain his social life to Taka is a dynamic I never knew I needed. What more do I want from Naruto than frames like this:

"By showing everyone that Sasuke isn’t in the Hidden Leaf Village and that he’s still out journeying around the world, it reduces the possibility that the village will be harmed” “So are you saying that Sasuke has to keep travelling forever” “That might be so” I can’t believe the entirety of Taka came up with a better explanation for Sasuke staying outside Konoha than Kishimoto himself

“Compared to me, the likelihood that Kabuto will return to evil is extremely low”

He still helped kill......... 40,000 people????? Okay dude

I CAN’T BELIEVE OROCHIMARU IS ACKNOWLEDGING HE IS STILL EVIL!!!! GO TO JAIL!!

I’m gonna pretend I don’t see Tenzo following Stranger Danger and he’s on vacation on a beach where he belongs

Fhjkhfkjhfkj what’s the meaning of this Orochimaru you’ve looked the same since you were 25:

Sasuke: No. She’s older than I am

Orochimaru: [Soft gasp] What?

Man I remember vaguely Sasuke being involved in this fight based on the Tenzo novel scene later on but hoo boy I do not like this

SCREAMMMM TENZO TRYING TO PROTECT PPL IN THE AREA HE’S HELPING

“I can’t make direct contact with him, so I better go now” I hope it is because you filed a restraining order, Yamato

“To increase the rarity, what I’ve even done is, had all but one person in a clan killed” at this point En Oyashiro is just trying to bait Sasuke

God I love how righteous Sasuke is being rn like this is the kind of dismantling of oppression I wanted for him instead of sad murder times

This battle is bonkers:

Villain: Looks like you brought a sword to a dodgeball fight

Sasuke: Looks like you brought a dodgeball to a magic eyes fight!!

Well I certainly breezed past this part of Sasuke Shinden hello Fushin

I find it hard to believe that anyone but Naruto could best Sasuke rn 

I keep joking that those eyes in the sky look like Tenzo but I’m right and I should say it

What a long, drawn-out and slightly suspicious backstory for Chino (looking at you, Fushin of two personality types)

“But now you’re still able to travel freely... and that is all because you have people who love and protect you” Team 7 cutaway with closeups of Sakura and Naruto, Narusasusaku game strong

“For the Leaf’s nourishment, your entire clan was absorbed by your village’s Roots” wow what a shitty time for such an excellent pun

Unbelievable kkhkjhfk and by this I mean completely believable:  

Chino: Please explain your change of heart re: village corruption

Sasuke: I got a boyfriend

Unbelievable x2:

Chino: KILL ME 

Sasuke: Consider this.... you have.... boy who is friend. Good enough

Chino: Wow Sasuke, you’re right

Lmao @ Kakashi proudly announcing that Sasuke is about to enter an unsanctioned jutsu fight in a bet to free enslaved people how did this letter go “Dear Hokage-dad-Kakashi, I am writing to inform you...”

Even funnier: If Tenzo wrote the letter bc Sasuke is shite at contacting people: “Dear Kakashi-senpai, Brace yourself to be worried and proud—”

“Are you Sasuke’s...” yes Chino, whatever the end of that sentence is, you’re correct

Huh I could’ve sworn at least a good chunk of these freed people go to the Leaf. I didn’t make that conversation up. I have discussed it many times!!! My poor Tenzo cut out for more logical story lines I guess 

Omggggggg the Raikage is telling Sasuke about Naruto’s most vulnerable Sasuke moment..... the love!!! Is this the only reason they invited A lmao

En Oyashiro joining Rasa and Hiashi in the Bad Dad Club

I’ve said this before but Naruto and Sakura going on a date to talk about Sasuke is the most legit representation for their relationship I’ve ever seen that’s it that’s what them dating would be like 

“You’re just like a one man police force” lol @ them cutting out the fact that Sakura said this bc Sakura’s not allowed to have individual connections to Sasuke and also just like....... how much Sasuke still wants to be a cop kjhgkjhgk baby stop

I’ve belatedly realized that Kakashi types to the beat of the intro music and it makes me giggle

“The adult world can be complicated” is that ur way of saying ‘nepotism’ Kakashi

“I’m startin’ to get a belly” “I don’t want to hear about all that” PLS

“You two are really the only ones who are special to me” aw Shikamaru

That slap was A  Lot, Temari, surely there are better ways to tell Shikamaru you want him to be your boyfriend

“You don’t really think that Sai has—” “Well, he is very innocent.” 

Kakashi about Sai: He’s the baby of the family

Sai: I’m the oldest and most experienced of all the youth???

Kakashi: I mark ur ages by when I got you xoxo ur legal age is 3

I’m not sure that that’s the intonation I expected for Hinoko but I guess that’s on me for stereotyping teen girls hahah

“That’s my ninja way” “Our ninja way” I feel like this is shinobi flirtation

The outro with Little Team 7 fading to Big Team 7... I have but one heart

Also the implication that they took a photo immediately post war jhgkjhgkj. Kakashi still has a barely healed stab wound and twenty years of trauma. Sasuke and Naruto both just lost an arm. Also who brought a camera to the battlefield. Who took this picture. (Tenzo waking up from a 224 episode coma: We gotta take a family photo)

“You might consider yourself a member of Team 7, but I wonder if they think the same of you” [Naruto voice] Believe it!!!!!!

“If we just kill the lookouts, it’ll be like easy to get past the checkpoint” okay calm down Soku

Lmao Shikamaru struggling to deal with rebellious teens jhghjkg why are the anime episodes I watch so fitting to my own life

Man not to get 2 real it’s fucked up that Soku fears peace wyd militarism 

I don’t really believe that Soku is deserting the village but it’s a good tactic

[Panning to the bird scene at the beginning of this arc] We call that foreshadowing

Komori’s judgement seems to be clouded by his lowkey crush on Soku

“I’ve just been having these really bizarre dreams lately” that’s PTSD Shikamaru

“Feudal lords are always [tyrants] no matter where you go” then why.... do you have.... feudalism.......... [Tobirama screams in the afterlife]

Not to judge these guys so much but like.... ur ANBU and a veteran ninja surely you should have a disguise after faking your death??????? Kakashi, Iruka, what shinobi standards are you teaching exactly?? U didn’t even change ur hairstyles???

“Something similar happened to me as well” what are you... are you talking about when you pretended to be asleep during the Chunin exams because that’s not the same thing as sleeping under a pile of corpses Shikamaru 

NOOOOOOOOOO SAI WHY ARE THEY HANGING MY ANGEL FROM A CRUCIFIX 

AHHHHHHH I don’t like seeing Sai like this, Kakashi’s right he’s a baby!!

“Let’s just say I’ve found the place where I belong” Fhdjskhfksjhf this is definitely Root Code for something because Kakashi uses this line on Tenzo in his Tsukuyomi dream

“Then why didn’t Naruto come to get me? You and I have never been particularly close, so why were you the one who came here?” LMAO SAI ‘you’re not on my list of eligible rescuers Shikamaru 😒😒😒😒’ 

“Fret not, to me this is but a trifle” said Ro, lying prostrate on the ground in between groans of pain (same)

I mean... Gengo makes some pretty compelling arguments abt the shinobi system

“The alliance of nations that the Leaf is currently a part of... is only going to maintain a dark, tenuous peace” I mean... Gengo’s right even if he is a dick

“Lord Hokage told me everything... and I had a hell of a time getting it out of him too” “I don’t want to know what you did... I don’t even want to imagine it” JHGKJHGKJHG I WANNA SEE TEMARI INTERROGATING A FORMER ANBU, KAGE-LEVEL NINJA I LOVE IT

Wait are these last twelve outros dedicated to each of the rookie teams + Team Guy bc that would be adorable

JHGJHGGHGJHG DO WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE TEMARI YELL AT KAKASHI

Update from 3 seconds later: We don’t but Kakashi’s “Euh?” sound as she knocks down his door is still very funny

“Friendship is useless” “If that’s true, then why are you crying right now” he’s been taking Sasuke lessons in his spare time

“Do you know of a man named ‘Zabuza Momochi’” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“These are my only friends” said Sai, about two giant cartoon lions 

Sai’s genjutsu scene was actually much sweeter in the book bc Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi and Yamato’s chakra were all protecting him inside his own mind but I don’t mind my boy getting a hug

HAHAHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS CUTAWAY TO NARUTO BATHED IN GOLDEN LIGHT ANNOUNCING “RAMEN” LIKE IT’S A WHOLE SENTENCE OKAY STUDIO PIERROT U NEED A BREAK I GET IT

“What in the hell was that?” that was also my question Shikamaru

Shikamaru with full conviction: To be lazy.... that is my dream 

Hahahaha it’s Ninja Teen Romance Hours I guess

“Oh, you don’t want to [go out on a date]?” No that’s not what I’m saying” [walks away] TEMARI PLS

“Going on a date without a strategy, would be like trying to fight a tailed beast unarmed” [Nodding] “You have zero chance of winning, that way” I suddenly understand Kakashi’s dating life a lot more

They really rely on you being aware of Naruto the Last huh gjkhgkjhgk there’s been no mention in any of this filler of Naruto and Hinata even being in a relationship to this point as far as I remember

Fhjkfhkjhfkfh poor Iruka none of the kids know he’s President of the Naruto’s Dad Society

“I know I’m supposed to be striving to get ahead in my career, but there’s also a part of me that really wants to just continue teaching kids, one on one” Irukaaaaa <3333333

Looool even as Hokage, Kakashi just drops out of nowhere to give cryptic life advice and then leaves

Smash the statue, Tsukune, don’t let the establishment tell u what to do!!

“Eating ramen everyday isn’t healthy you know” am I to believe that Kakashi, the man who told Naruto, ‘if you're going to be a ninja, you need to eat your vegetables’ is on a ramen-only diet?? Falsehoods

“And it’s all thanks to you Iruka” khjhgkjhgjhg alright.... you win this round KKIR shippers

WHO IS ANIMATING THIS SCENE IT IS BUCKWILD??? There is no character model to speak of, most of the kids don’t have noses, everyone’s upside down or spinning around, and Iruka is... hiding in a frog sign???

There is no English translation of this caption???? EXPLAIN JAPAN. TELL ME YOUR FROG SECRETS YOU KNOW I LOVE FROGS [INSERT PICTURE OF TENZO HERE]

(Update I looked it up in the sub and the caption offers no more insight. “IRUKA UMINO, AROUND 30 YEARS OLD. STEALTHILY”)

“This is for Hinata, so let’s all try our hardest” Kiba loves Hinata MOST

You know how if you pause in the middle of an animated action, you sometimes linger on an in-between image that looks goofy because it was meant to add to the motion rather than be focused on? This whole episode is animated like one of those images

It’s okay Lee the only dumbbell Naruto is fixated on is Sasuke Uchiha

I know don’t usually post so many images in these liveblogs, but I really need anyone reading this to see the Leaf Village’s semi-canonical Unofficial Mascot Konorin:

He is??? The love of my life???

“I don’t even have a boyfriend and train every day from morning til night” yes you do. His name is Neji Hyuga and he’s very alive and he’s a jonin sensei and he will buy you all the knives you want after he takes all of Hiashi’s money and redistributes it. In this essay I will—

You see what I mean??? Neji wants to be there for Tenten (and Lee)!!!

Tenten: What would Neji do if he were here now

Neji: [starts manifesting]

“It’s you since you’re a taijutsu specialist, but Naruto and Hinata aren’t” yes????? Hinata is???? She doesn’t use weapons but Gentle Fist is entirely taijutsu??? Why does everyone keep forgetting

KHKGJHKJHGKFHKJHFKJ I CAN’T GET OVER NEJI JUST. MANIFESTING ABOVE LEE’S BED TO GIVE HIM SHITTY WEDDING GIFT IDEAS 

“And don’t forget: Hyuga” Neji........ what.... does this mean!!!!!!!!

Why say “Neji” like that Orochimaru and in fact why say anything at all [Konan voice] I’m the Hokage now, the entire criminal justice system is on its way you are going to jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really can’t believe that the Naruto writers looked at Tenzo’s role in Naruto SD and decided “let’s do that.... but worse” 

They animated?????????? A smaller Lee??????????? Into Lee’s mouth???????????? As if the animation style wasn’t enough. I need a minute

They are really going full Naruto SD huh??? Cut away skit like a ‘genjutsu’ scne. Lee and Guy playing a married couple and Tenten a baby. Neji in drag. This is a choice

“How can you misunderstand Neji so much” “Even if it’s only as a ghost, I’m sure that Neji would appear” I need. Several minutes

Fhjkhfkjfh Shikamaru’s vision of Gaara, Bee, Kakashi and Tsunade hanging out at this fancy restaurant. Is this who he thinks Kakashi’s social circle is these days (he might be right)

“Okay, I’ll hear you out!” Is this implication of this scene that Temari thinks Shikamaru’s idea of a first date is marriage... and she’s WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH THAT. TEMARI PLS

“Hey Ino, why would you go out of your way to make something I love? Bc she looooves you Sakura

“Sakura, I thought the same thing” GOD JUST GET MARRIED

“It’ll be too late once we go in, I could get all caught up in the mood or something like that” wait........ does Temari think Shikamaru wants to get married or fuck???? Or both??? OH MY GOD

Gaara: Naruto’s getting married.... without meeeeeeeeeee

God I love Gaara’s Blank Period hair it is truly careless and happy hair

“His ramen’s extravagent?” JKGHKHKJH everyone in the Leaf Village trying to convince Gaara that Naruto’s taste is incredibly obnoxious which is true but not in the way being described 

Kankuro what’s your damage let Gaara buy a nice and personal present for the love of his life 

Every time I think this arc can’t get more ridiculous it exceeds my expectations:

[Vaguely horrified accompanying dialogue: “The Raikage—” “—Will do the Hidden Cloud Dance?”]

“Well then, Gaara is just going to have to do the Hidden Sand Samba” Ah. Of course. The Hidden Sand Samba. Why didn’t anyone think of this plan before

Gaara is blushing because his new dream is just to samba dance with Naruto into the night

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Teuchi giving Naruto an “all you can eat forever” coupon that’s cute our sweet boy is so loved 

Gaara: My wedding gift to you, Naruto... is me :)

“I’m just disappointed that we aren’t going to get to see you dance, Gaara” you know what that’s fair Kankuro me too 

Hahahaha Shino dissing Kiba’s plight for becoming Hokage to these random kids

I can’t pay attention to anything this ninja cat is saying because they’ve got Naruto’s voice and it is very distracting

There’s something to be curious about how it would be if Kiba married into a family that has a contract with the Uchiha lmao

Literally the girl who Kiba is supposed to be in love with is given Hinata’s voice #kibahinarights

“Oh, just take it. Money means nothing to me” the Beekeeper is truly one of the strangest characters in the Naruto universe just conceptually. Why are they wearing a giant bee stinger on their butt?

LMAO @ Kiba having absolutely no self-doubt whatsoever. Goals!!

Shino becoming a teacher after the war is actually one of the post-699 futures I like, good for him!

Iruka sweet man Naruto has compared you to a father like 1500 times have you not overheard him one (1) time

Kakashi is such a dumb stubborn bitch trying to find a way for Naruto to have a happy wedding... I love him

“This is my fault, I never taught him how to treat women! Not that I even really know about that kind of thing of course” Iruka Umino confirmed canonically gay

“I just have to bow my head a little” KKIR: 2; Me: 0

I love this tradition of Hokage boys bowing their heads for cooperation between villages yesssssssssssss

Outro for the whole OG Team 7.... I’m fine everything’s fine I’m good cool cool cool cool cool

The implication that they just sell Kakashi wigs in the village... amazing

I know this is about to be an emotionally poignant moment but what Naruto’s presence is reminding is that the only word he has said in the past 6 episodes is “ramen” LMAO

“I’m going to have to apologize to her for raising you as a such a thoughtless, inconsiderate man” raising you... RAISING YOU..................... TRULY PRESIDENT OF THE NARUTO’S DAD SOCIETY GOD BLESS IRUKA UMINO

LOOK AT THIS CRYBABY NINJA THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PARTS OF KONOHA HIDEN WAS HOW IRUKA KEPT BURSTING INTO TEARS OVER NARUTO EVERY OTHER MINUTE THIS IS WHAT BONDS LOOK LIKE

God..................... the Team 7 lover in me just despairs of this final episode bc they’re all separated and also Tenzo needs justice 4 being Kakashi’s co-wedding planner it’s in the book I read it!!!!

I will set aside my feelings to recognize that Kakashi looks very handsome

Goodbye Naruto you were certainly an experience and I mean that in every possible intonation 

[whx-m]

I'm curious about online shops. Got any general information / details that might go missed?

i am a dumb dumb that has inhaled too much information the past couple weeks trying to learn so take what i say w/ several grains of your preferred salts

this all goes for etsy/shopify/whatever you use for e-commerce. the levels of serious you take it and get into it i think depends on how far you want to take your online shop... or how much you make. google the hell out of your states sales tax laws and apply for a sales tax permit in your state before you sell a damn thing. ill go over the stuff i think really needs to be highlighted for anybody mulling over starting a legit shop, esp artists who want to make a living selling their stuff.

edit: HEY HIT “J” ON YOUR KEYBOARD IF YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT BC THIS IS REALLY LONG AND IM NOT SORRY BC I THINK I LEARNED EVEN MORE WRITING THIS SO THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT...

this will be how you feel when youre 2 hours into logo trademarking research

1. hm..

if you make, or plan to make, over $400 in sales, then most states consider this going beyond a hobby and being self-employed. so accept the fact you gotta pay a self-employment tax on your income.

also... gotta pay federal and state income taxes on your sales. even if your online shop is technically considered a hobby, not licensed as a business and you dont make over $400, still gotta report/pay income taxes on it. i know a lot of ppl dont take that seriously but it might bite you in the ass if you let it go on too long. 

2. register sole proprietorship so i know its real

registering in your home state as a legit business entity is likely a solid route to go if you really plan on fleshing your shop out and building it up for the future. most artists starting an art shop or craft shop file a SOLE PROPRIETORSHIP type of business- meaning the business isnt a place or a group of owners, its just lil ole you. you file under your own name or a “Trade Name”/DBA (Doing Biz As) with your state. but beware, this trade name isnt trademarked or federally protected. and since you ARE your business, any tax trouble means the IRS is auditing you personally and holding you personally liable.

its relatively affordable to file, but take your bookkeeping seriously... be careful because the IRS eyeballs sole proprietorships’ reported taxes and expense deductions hardcore, since the lines between business and personal expenses get really blurry and sketchy. the more you need to save, the more you need to log as a deduction, and the more you deduct the more likely they’ll try to audit you and catch a mistake. so keep your books right and tight. [ 50 state guides for applying for sole proprietorship ]

that being said, IMMEDIATELY OPEN A BUSINESS ACCOUNT AT BANK/CREDIT UNION AND KEEP ALL BUSINESS RELATED PURCHASES/SALES ON THAT ACCOUNT and not your personal one!!!

3. bite the hand that takes your income away!!!

sole proprietorship means your business income = your income, aka “pass thru entity” where profit in your business passes thru and adds to your personal taxable income. it used to be that your business income was just taxed at the same rate as your personal income bracket and thats it. BUT LISTEN UP! NEW 2018 TAX LAWS  ADDED A STANDARD 20% DEDUCTION TO TAXABLE INCOME FOR PASS-THRUS WITH LESS THAN $157,500 REPORTED INCOME. that's auto-subtracted along with your business expense deductions etc, before it’s taxed. what does that mean? it can knock your taxable income down: if you’re single and make $38,700 you get taxed $3.7k instead of $4.6k. If you make $82,500, you get taxed $14.5k instead of $18.1k. And thats not even accounting for other deductions before being taxed.

applying sooner than later for sole propriety/”pass through entity” can really help because of BUSINESS EXPENSE DEDUCTIONS. if you keep careful itemized records and your books clean, you can report tons of business related expenses and get your taxable income at the end of the year lowered. that new tablet, paints, software you bought on the business-only card? the gas you put in your car to get to your anime con, the hotel you stayed at? take it even further: shipping costs, wholesale costs, promo merch for advertising (stickers & swag) and even fees from hiring an accountant can usually be claimed. there’s a LOT that can be claimed.

dont skimp on the research because just logging and reporting expenses can make or break your shop. [heres another link] applying to be a business entity early means more of your start-up costs are logged and claimed as expenses.

and you know what happens at the end of the year when you report your income and claimed expenses? the expenses are subtracted from your total reported income, and youre taxed on whats left. so if you make $50,000 by the end of the year, but you spent $10,000 in approved business expenses, you’re only taxed for $40,000- but wait! 20% deduction= $8k, which drops your taxable income to $32,000. you just dropped from a 22% tax rate bracket to a 12% and you end up only paying $3,840 in taxes. that is only 7.6% tax on your 50k income!! and you could probably pay even less with all the other tax breaks you can score. 

make sure you read up on the IRS website on this stuff too. look up youtube videos and stuff to make sense of anything that confuses you. and dont forget to crawl your state’s own websites and see if they have any tax breaks or incentives for start-ups, artists, etc!!and now the worst part. im so sorry. 

4. the ugly seven-headed demon of sales tax and online shops....... stay with me plsthis is the biggest thing and becoming a super hot topic these days with states wanting to cash in on online sales to their residents

first things first: NEXUS. think of your sales tax nexus as the physical irl presence of your business, in a state-by-state basis. customers in states you hold nexus in? gotta charge them sales tax. customers from states you DO NOT hold nexus in? no sales tax for them! (for now... ill explain later)  

you have nexus in your home state, obviously since you are your biz and you live there, so you’ll need to charge sales tax on anybody buying from you in your home state. BUT.... if you contract someone in another state to do design work for you, unfortunately that means you also have nexus or “presence” in their state, too. if you have a warehouse storing inventory in another state, yep, another nexus and another state wanting to cash in on sales tax. getting enamel pins made in yet another state and they drop-ship your orders for you on your business’s behalf? yeah, likely another state to report sales tax to. 

collecting sales tax isnt a big problem- nearly every ecommerce site like etsy, shopify, bigcommerce and the like automatically configure sales tax in U.S. states you set up as a nexus for your shop. the problem comes around when you’ve got to apply for a sales tax permit in every nexus state, and then keep track of all the filing deadlines. every state is different. just four nexus states to report to means there are four permits to apply for, four reporting/filing schedules/deadlines to keep track of... and each state has different schedules, you could have two states requiring you to report annually and two states quarterly. it can be really hairy and a lot to keep track of if you’re not careful.try to keep your sales tax nexus in ONLY your home state, if at all possible. use manufacturers in your state to print/drop-ship orders.if theyre out of state, have them send the finished product back to you before you mail it off to customers, so you can avoid creating a new taxable nexus.

[ Sales Tax & Nexus Guide ]

still with me? this is the ugly part sorry:

the other big problem with having multiple nexus to report is how much sales tax varies- not just state by state but by city, town, county, even jurisdiction ! 

one state can have HUNDREDS of different sales tax rates to report, and you have to clearly report each individual one you collect sales tax in. 

for instance, over a year you sell to multiple people in your nexus state-- in the same exact county, under the same sales tax ordinance. they live near a bunch of schools so their county has an added jurisdiction sales tax that goes toward education programs. the report you file has to clearly define how much tax $ you’ve collected from them so that state knows exactly how much is going back to that jurisdiction, so they can divvy it up for that sweet sweet education funding.

now imagine that multiplied across counties, cities, and then doubled with another entire state... and thats why keeping your nexus low is a huge deal for someone who’s running an online store solo.

thankfully, you probably wont have to input all that data yourself. 

MAKE SURE you find a good website to settle into- that, at the very least, compiles this information for you to make it less of a headache to file in the right format, with the right info. there are upgrade auto-file options built into most ecommerce websites, so you dont even have to worry about it or think about missing a deadline... but that monthly fee might be too expensive to manage at first. that would be one of the FIRST things i’d do once i could swing it, to eliminate any chance of late fees, getting audited or having my sales tax permit suspended for that nexus state. 

5. IMPORTANT!!: even if you make absolutely $0 dollars in sales from any nexus state, you STILL HAVE TO REPORT IT AND FILE BY THE DEADLINE. don’t get a $50 fee over literally nothing.

ANIME CON OR CRAFT CON ARTIST/VENDOR? BEWARE! 

always research the convention’s home state/city sales tax regulations before registering (or blowing money making merch) for a con. it varies great and wide and has been changing a lot so always recheck before cons. some states supply simple time-limited permits, some states dont require sales tax at all for 2/3 day vendors, and some states will qualify a single physical sale as creating a permanent nexus. dont overlook that stuff or you’ll regret it when you get home to do business as usual with your shop and you have to start charging/reporting sales tax for every customer from that state!! 

6. but wait ore.. you said something ominous about no sales tax for non-nexus states...... “for now”..?

yeeahhh... there’s a big national reform going on currently and it boils down to: Jeff Bezos ruined ecommerce for everybody. fuck you greedy bastard!!

a slew of states are jumping on a bandwagon to snipe up more sales taxes and create “Economic Nexus Laws”. this may not really apply to you at the start of your shop, but its something you need to be aware of for future ref. 

basically states are passing laws that say, “If you make more than $XXXX or do more than XXX transactions selling to people here, that creates a state nexus and you need to get a sales tax permit with us.” which, is not ideal. the good thing is, most sales thresholds in these states are between $10k - $500k, so its not a problem you’ll face right off the bat. transaction numbers might be the one to watch out for, though. once you hit a few hundred transactions in a state it might create a nexus and you’ll have to start charging sales tax.

the problem is this: 1) every participating state has different thresholds, rules, and sometimes tax deductible/exempt items. thats a lot of fine print to go thru and toggling options on your shop, and a LOT of sales tax bookkeeping, filing, reporting, managing. 2) some ecommerce sales tax plugins and clients havent caught up yet to be compliant and convenient for online sellers, its a big job to program and categorize all these variables. when choosing your website host, be sure to vet their built in sales tax clients and see that they’re updating and streamlining capabilities ASAP. it may not be a concern now, but you wouldnt want your shop to boom and have to shut down, lose money and switch hosts to be eco-nex sales tax compliant.3) for successful solo start-up shops, this almost makes it impossible to file your own sales taxes once you pass those thresholds. this is like 30 states! youd spend so much time doing paperwork, its just not feasible. there will be a rising cost of economic nexus management and auto-filing services that you just cant run your business online without.

[ Everything You Need to Know Abt this Shit ] ( ^ full list of state regulations and updated with new developments so bookmark this page)

tl;dr: online shops are complicated, research literally every term you dont know and look up youtube videos on everything you suck at. if youre still motivated after being depleted of brain power, then go the fuck for it and all the Moon Crystal Power Make Up to you

[unproduciblesmackdown]

here’s me talking about the month since i was last online

firstly it was/is depressing not to be able to talk with ppl or hear from them. or just to be able to talk somewhere i know people CAN hear. i also mentioned being completely detached from the news. i like to be current about the news. anyways i was like “well not like this is anything new” as its technically unusual for me to NOT be cut off both irl and from the internet. but, shockingly, that doesnt make it not depressing. and having something for even a bit makes it more frustrating to lose it even if its “normal” for you not to have it. also by depressing i mean i was going like hmm i sure am even more tired than usual and i am less interested in my few lingering faint interests. whats up with that! and then i was like oh yeah thats called Even More Depression

it is funny because im someone who has never really had that many friends and when i do we often end up separated one way or another. Very Close friends &/or Very Longtime friends are a foreign concept. basically the heights of my “what i wish it was like” for life involve having a group of friends with whom you can have fun in an empty parking lot in the middle of the night just talking and hanging out and messing around. friends that you feel comfortable being yourself around and like they appreciate you as much as you do them. i do not think this is ever going to happen, but oh well because in reality i can be very picky about people because i am weird, to put it that way for now. my social landscape and language is not always considered normal or even tolerable. and i have a lot of standards for who i want to have around me in terms of traits and personality. theres a lot of things im not interested in. anyways. i also just, in the way things actually are, often prefer to be alone, so that i can be myself and do things i feel like. i dont have to worry about being strange or feeling like i need to please people. anyways. unfortunately i dont ONLY like being alone. i actually really like to be with people and talk with them but i rarely can, and i figure this is bad for me. isolation isnt good for anyone obviously. not being able to be around friends in person depresses me. not being able to talk online either depresses me further.

i think sometimes about how much i dont say. its a funny place to say it, in an overly long text post. but one of the reasons they can be so long is because irl i dont really talk much to people. so it builds up and can come out through writing. sometimes it comes out in talking. i think that in conversations, when i do talk, i talk too much because of this. so one of the reasons i dont talk much is to prevent this, which obviously is like “well that would just cancel out” but there are other reasons i dont talk. but i have loads of thoughts and things to say. i end up keeping so much of it to myself and wonder sometimes if i’ll ever get to say some of it. sometimes i’ll have something to say and bite it back. i’ve been “quiet” all these past twenty some years of talking and i know the reasons i dont talk. i was thinking about the feeling of biting something back in an individual occasion feeling like the cumulation of all the years worth of keeping my own voice running in my head alone. it kind of feels like what you want to say is in your chest and throat and the roof of your mouth.

speaking of the roof of your mouth, theres a weird sensation i can feel sometimes, seemingly at random but mostly in strange times like trying to fall asleep. it is so transient and unlike any actual externally caused sensations that its been difficult to try to get a grasp of how to describe it, but i think i have it thanks to ongoing effort and an unusually long period of it a few days ago during which i was especially alert about it. it’s like having a pressure radiating out from inside your mouth. like an orb pushing outwards against the teeth and roof of the mouth. which i’m fairly sure isn’t anything that would ever happen, so i am assuming its some little neurological hiccup that happens to align every now and then, but maybe a previous life cycle has put something weird in their mouth. or shot into it, because i would be like, well not much has changed.

anyways. words sitting like a pressure in your mouth. i was seeing a thread about how grief is ongoing and reoccurring which also mentioned that people who specialize in knowing how grieving and living with it works often consider it to be a form of grief when someone’s life is affected by something like trauma. they have to grieve themselves because of the possibilities taken away from them. i feel that, sometimes. thinking about how i wish i had a life where i felt free to speak and where my identity mattered and i got to feel like i could be myself and it was important and it was important what i thought and wanted and who i really was. and where i got to have friends and do things and realize what it was to actually feel happy, not try to understand an unhappy existence as what must be okay. its not just what couldve been in the past, but also how that couldve affected the present and future. im not sure who i’d be if my life didnt have to be about survival and escape. i say i never had dreams, which is true, but in retrospect i DO think that when i was fifteen and really bearing down in trying to figure out what i wanted to do, i was already seeing activism as the answer, which made sense why it wouldnt register as a dream or ambition and why it was also impossible to pursue. i still dont think of anything like personal fulfillment through a career/job or anything. but i also dont think of what i want to do as very relevant to anything at all anymore.

anyways. i’m “used” to things, but they still depress and hurt me. i actually have a lot of sadness and anger about some of these things, like never getting to have the friends i wanted or never being able to speak and it not mattering who i really was, and how long it took me to realize this really wasn’t okay and it wasn’t because of some personal deficiency which made me deserve it somehow. also the abuse. i remember i had this how-to book about weaving friendship bracelets which i got sometime in elementary school, and it even supplied some twine and stuff. i had always wanted to have occasion to use it, and i never did, which is just symbolic. the twine/potential friendship bracelets can also be things like positive social connections that feel real and open, or my ability to feel secure in expressing affection because it seems mutual. but anyways. i also just go along.

i was thinking about the Being Gone For A Month thing and the not-talking and holding all my words back even though i think so much about all sorts of junk and thus have too much to say, and about a week ago i just spent like six hours writing about myself. i was debating doing so in the first place because i figured i wouldnt post it. i did write it, but i won’t post it. its just good to talk to myself in the form of writing. getting thoughts into that form requires an extra level of analysis and coherent flow that can help put even things you already knew more in order. so here’s this stuff instead.

there’s not much to say about this past month. the worst of it was that discovering my weird tooth is all janky and broken has made me on edge about teeth. i mean, i’ve already all but stopped worrying about the broke tooth, because i kind of do that sometimes when i can. just worry hard and then stop, because what can you do? might as well try to avoid stressing even worse. and in this case i dont have money and doubt i will ever have a job w dental coverage, so i cant do anything about it. but im always worried about my teeth because, fittingly, my parents dental genes seem to combine into that of a tasmanian devil. i think im in some Dental Report b/c i had this weird situation that needed basically a root canal but it wasnt the normal kind of root canal situation and the dentist said he hadn’t seen it or heard of it even. special. i was horrified about needing the root canal, because of the clichés. but it ended up being fine and i really just sat there for an hour thinking about whatever. dental procedures are truly not what theyre hyped up to be. on account of local anesthetics. anyways. when i left my parents house i was specifically worried about leaving my access to a dentist, but obviously it wouldve been far from worth it. but that doesn’t mean i dont worry about my teeth. so i had these few days where i just had a spontaneously sensitive gum spot and another one which im guessing i caused by jamming corn shards down in there by eating corn on the cob. that happened sort of last year, i got really worried about an angry-looking spot on my gums and finally realized something was just up in there that needed to be flossed out. anyhow. the point is i got overly worried about everything that always worries me even though it used to worry me even before going to the dentist and they’d say the stuff was fine actually. but still. i got

very worried for a minute there and i realized very easily that if i start getting any really serious tooth problems i am out of here. i have no motivation at all to live through it. i don’t want to have to deal with that. it’s way too much. i dont even have motivation to be alive now. but when i was worrying i was thinking about not using my handful of cash to change locations, but instead to get some fancy Dying Equipment. there are still some methods by which im not sure i could try offing myself. but if things got a lot worse, like teeth problems, i could probably lower those standards. i COULD obtain some items for one method, or by necessity do it for free. im less worried about the tooth stuff now. it was just an unfortunate convergence of a couple tiny things. but ive still got a sensitive spot or two, and im always a bit worried. if something bad happens i cant do anything about it except get tf out of this life cycle, right.

there was something else unfortunate i was going to talk about. maybe just the depression.

there were nice, small things. i always knew how to enjoy those kinds of stuff. i like the sky, and i appreciate that its summer. theres a lot of fireflies sometimes and i saw kittens chasing them one day. one of those kittens mightve gotten killed by something since. i got to hear rain on the roof a few times. i like corn on the cob even if it betrayed me. i was wanting some last summer. i also got to make sweet tea and lemonade for the first time in forever. i’d been wanting that for a long time too.

the nicest surprise was that i had been writing extra hard since the start of june. i sort of really pushed at it and got to the dividing point between the section and the next, and i was sure it was shorter than previous sections. but actually it was just over 1000 words short of being 140k, and i’d written it all in about five weeks, and it was abt 22.5% longer than the next longest section i’d written. i’ve since gotten to a point i’ve been writing towards since this whole time, and im right on the verge of another long awaited one right now. it’s nice, but writing has been fun, and i hope i dont get depressed if i hopefully do finish it. i can just write some more, but doing so on my phone isnt the most efficient. it doesnt seem sustainable.

anyways thats it for now before i can think of anything else to say am i right

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 07/23/2020

US: RUMINT/Analysis: Critical Update 07.23.2020 This is only the beginning. This morning I took the time to pour over on the ground reports from an especially hard hit area of Texas. It is a town of about 350,000 people that I'm very familiar with as I lived there for 5 years and still own property there although I haven't been there in about 5 years now. Despite it being a very backward and uneducated place, this town issued a stay at home order and was conducting temperature checks before there was a single case of COVID in the county. The first confirmed case was on March 21st. Local experts were predicting a peak in April and that by June, there would be virtually no cases. Fast forward to July- for the past several weeks the town has been consistently reporting 300-500 new cases a day and 8 people in the town are dying every day this month from the virus. Doctors and members of the police force have been lost to the virus. Lines of cars go on for miles at testing sites. Medical staff in full PPE- body suits with tape, face shields, n95 mask with a surgical mask on top of that. Many people are low income even before the shutdown ravaged the economy. The only shopping mall is now a meal distribution center where the lines of cars waiting for food are just as long as the ones at the testing sites. It is unclear how the virus spiraled out of control in this town which is almost 3 hours away from any other city. As much as I loath the place, ostensibly they did everything right from the very beginning before there was ever a known case of the virus. It seems like you can run but you can't hide from this thing. For as much disruption to daily life as it is causing, it has only burned through 2% of the population. By my calculations, even as quickly as the situation has spiraled out of control there, it will take 4 more years to reach a point of herd immunity at this rate, if that is even possible with this virus. From everything I'm seeing, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Everything we have seen and experienced so far is just one tenth of what is to come. Supply chains are already spotty, local budgets are spent and within the next week the economy will implode with bankruptcies and the end of stimulus benefits. Regional hotspots are on the verge of erupting into conflict. Economic strain and resource scarcity are all it will take to shove things off the cliff. Those places that haven't been hit very hard by the virus won't be spared, they are just waiting for their turn in the barrel.

World: New England Journal of Medicine: Antibodies Mild Infections: 73 Day Half-lifeRapid Decay of Anti–SARS-CoV-2 Antibodies in Persons with Mild Covid-19 LINK

World: Structural basis for translational shutdown and immune evasion by the Nsp1 protein of SARS-CoV-2 LINK

Japan: Report of a #COVID19 cluster in a childcare centre in Tokyo, comprising 2 adults and 20 children.

Florida: COVID-19 in Florida Microbe The latest report from @HealthyFla is out. There’s 173 new deaths reported, which is a record. Our two-week moving average for daily deaths is well over 100 per day. We were at 39 on July 1. New cases (10,249) and % positive (12.31%) also increased. And Florida dept of health reports covid death of 9 year old from Putnam County FL. Putnam County Health Officer Mary Garcia confirmed the fatality to CNN on Wednesday and said she was unaware of any underlying medical conditions in the girl's case.

RUMINT/Analysis: here is what i see at the moment. it is not much really. The local governs. have to keep the economy moving to get paid the sales taxes. they already lost enuf from the 1st lockdowns to growl to the states for $$.thius is why they want schools open. with both parents working,the local govern's see double the income. won't work that way. but is their theory. this is another "kick the can down the road plan". here is the problems. 1 is not enuf $$ to make up for the lost time. not enuf items to sell to bring in the sales tax.CHINA still dead in the water means no goods being sentg to stores. the local govern will still b short $$ since they lost months of tax $$ already. how long before this is an issue? best bet is going to b layoff local govern workers so they get kicked to the state UI dept. this won't buy much time. can they get to spring financially? think the local govern's have different fiscal years than the normal taxpayer or calendar year. we have xmas in the middle. how bad are things and how much does the state and local govern really know? NOV-DEC is the biggest shopping mths to bring in that sales tax. however, u do not want to p*ss the ppl off and panic them in these mths either.unless Santa has a magic wharehouse, where do all the goods come from to sell? based on waht we know and the DR report, the lockdown has to occur in Oct at the latest. farther than that will lead to riots and the govern losing control over the ppl. i don't think there is enuf supply to buy them into JAN. now since it is an election year, can they kick the can into NOV a week or 2? will TPTB do that if the DEMS are losing the election? tipping popint seems to b between mid OCT to mid NOV. all depends what TPTB decide is their best move with the election. watch for "flue season" to start as soon as schools open. expect death counts for OCT. expect the situation to b 50-100x as bad as now.

US: The coronavirus threatens auto industry recovery as cases rise and more employees miss work LINK

UK: Covid-19: England could need another lockdown in winter, say government’s chief advisers. LINK

Australia: Melbourne lockdown could last until Christmas as state battles coronavirus cases LINK

RUMINT (Texas): Yeah just saw a verified report that in the McAllen area it is killing entire families. Local funeral place there is doing 3 funerals a day. They did so many this week that their backhoe broke down and workers are now digging graves by hand with shovels.

California: California reporting 157 dead in the last day, biggest daily deaths since pandemic began

World: Scientists discover coronavirus in the EARS of two dead Covid-positive patients as studies suggest hearing loss may be a rare symptom of the infection. Another study on 20 symptomless patients, with no history of hearing problems found that hearing abilities worsened after the infection had passed

Georgia: ~4,300 new cases (3rd highest daily), and it's not bc testing is up. Testing is down, but the positive % is 17.1%. Current hospitalizations remain ~same while new hospitalizations up 431 (3rd highest).

US: UNITED STATES - 2,600 new cases per hour. Cases of coronavirus contamination exceeded 4 million on Thursday, with an average of more than 2,600 new infections per hour.

Florida: Level 5 emergency” in Florida — 6,700 nursing home residents & staff infected with coronavirus in July. The 129% rise is blamed on major delays in getting COVID19 test results & letting people enter facilities WITHOUT proof they’re not infected. LINK

US: About 40 percent of U.S. adults are at risk for severe COVID complications LINK

World: Coronavirus can travel 26 feet in rooms with cold, stale air—like meat plants LINK

US: Trump cancels in-person Republican convention in Jacksonville, Florida LINK

RUMINT (Hong Kong): Hk update Record cases two days in a row It’s out of control in city City is shutting down again and schools have no opening date Today large groups in supermarkets some panic buying  Acute bed shortages in hospitals Hk Government has ample reserves but lacks common sense and keeps making blunders like kept boarders open , not strictly quarantine people Still no mass testing and test results takes several days and people are moving about  Social distancing was a joke in hk and now we have major clusters This so called second wave is just starting  Most people who can are working from home  Hk maybe couple of months ahead of rest of world for second wave Be warned and prepare for 3-6 months bug out supplies

World: Huge: Masks LOWER SEVERITY of COVID too! Masks definitely reduce transmission, but scientist now think that MASKS CAN ALSO MAKE ILLNESS MILDER. How? masks may limit the dose of virus people get, & result in less severe symptoms of illness. on evidence.

RUMINT: FWIW, My bank branch was closed due to Covid exposure. The phone number taped to the door linked to someone who had worked there b4 the covid closure. They were at another branch in the process of closing it due to exposure. I had to wait 10 minutes w/o a guarantee of non-exposure to put some items into my safety deposit box. They drove to the branch to let me in...God only knows what it would take if more branches are closed and no one to retrieve items. Just passing it on. This shit is real.

Texas: COVID-19 patients will be ‘sent home to die’ if deemed too sick, Texas county says LINK

California: Dozens of top influencers gathered for a massive Hype House birthday party despite record COVID-19 numbers in California LINK

World: COVID19 Projections based on machine learning LINK

[uncloseted]

i want to become a college professor but i’m not sure if it’s worth it or not. i see online how people say there aren’t enough positions for professors anymore and it’s not worth the time and money. i want to become an english professor, my other option was an english teacher. i love this subject so much but ppl always say it’s a useless degree and are criticizing the professions like the ones i want to pursue and it makes me depressed like i don’t have a future with the skills i have. i’m

going to college this fall and i’m honestly wondering if i should just change my major to something else for chances of a better job.

i forgot to say i live in the US btw for the question about college/being a professor thanks xx

Obligatory song, “What Do You Do With a BA in English”, from Avenue Q:

But being serious, “worth it” is a really subjective measure, and I don’t think it’s necessarily how you should be thinking about this issue.  Rather, I would think about why you want to be an English Professor in particular.  I have a post here on identifying your passion which may be worth reading through to consider whether being a professor is actually would make you feel fulfilled. 

Of course you love English as a subject, but are you compatible with the lifestyle that being a professor brings?  Are you passionate about teaching students and introducing the next generation to the great works of literature?  Do you really want to conduct research?  Are you okay playing into the (sometimes arbitrary) expectations of your department?  Would you be willing to move to another country or take a position at a university that isn’t prestigious?  Would you be willing to teach at a community college?  Are you committed to spending the next several years of your life getting a PhD in the hopes that you can get a job once you graduate?  Are you willing to network, put aside your own research interests, and market yourself in order to get a job?

For some people, the answer to all of those is a resounding, emphatic “yes”.  They’re passionate about their subject, they love research and teaching, and they would do anything to pursue it.  But for those who aren’t as passionate, pursuing a career in academia can be really difficult and draining.  It can also be expensive.  In the US, unlike in the EU, there is no mandated minimum salary or national salary scale for PhD students.  So worst case scenario, you might be working for free and best case scenario, you’re making between $15,000 and $30,000 a year for the 4-7 year duration of your PhD program- and that’s with you having to pay for the program itself.  IMO, if you’re not getting free tuition and a stipend, a PhD isn’t worth the financial investment unless you’re independently wealthy.

Even if you do have a PhD, it can be difficult to get a job in academia. Especially in fields like English, there are lots of professors who have been in their position for upwards of 30 years and plan on teaching until they physically can’t anymore.  That means that there are lots of Associate Professors who have spent years trying to get tenure and fail because there just aren’t open positions.  If you’re willing to move abroad, especially to Asia, that’s less of an issue, but if you’re focused only on prestigious universities in the US, that can be a real problem.  Most universities in the West get between 250 and 400 candidates for a single open position, and even if you get that position, there isn’t a lot of job security.  

In an attempt to save money, many universities have opted to slash their budget for full-time, tenured, or tenure-track faculty in favor of poorly paid, part-time “adjunct” faculty.  However, PhD programs continue to accept and graduate lots of students every year, and so the number of open positions (even poor ones) in relation to the number of PhDs who are applying to those positions gets bigger every year.  You can see the discrepancy in this infographic from the paper, The missing piece to changing the university culture.  

I don’t mean to be a downer here, but as someone who very nearly pursued a career in academia (and honestly, still might), I’m glad that someone told me these things before I committed to that career path.  If you can carve out a niche for yourself, particularly a niche that universities are looking for, it becomes easier to become employed.  If you’re happy to do the grunt work and wait it out, academia can be a really fulfilling career path.  If your PhD program is one of the top 20 in the world, you have a much better chance (54% of top 10 PhD program students are employed out of their program) than if your PhD program is lower in the rankings.

There are also other things you can do with an English degree that don’t involve academia.  You can go into publishing, marketing/advertising, public relations, law, freelance writing, news reporting/journalism, library sciences, editing, interpreting/translation, etc.  Just because you get an English degree doesn’t mean you’re locked into teaching.

You also don’t have to write off getting a degree in English just because it doesn’t have a direct career path.  The vast majority of people don’t have jobs that are related to their college major.  But even if you do want to get a degree with a direct career path (which I think is smart), you can always double major in English and something else or minor in English.  You don’t have to let go of it entirely.

Finally, it’s possible that you’ll get to university and realize that English isn’t actually what you want to study after all.  A lot of people think they know what they want to study upon entering university and then realize that they hate their subject or that they’re actually more passionate about something else.  Give yourself that room to grow and explore without feeling tied to the person you expected you would be. 

[irrelephants]

time for a super duper rambly moment with meenakshi

warning: this post is gonna be an absolute mess

so we’re into the second week of mid semester break. i made a joke before that mid sem break is short for mid semester breakdown but it’s been manageable. did spend some days at the start keeping to myself and chipping away at work and stuff, but lately, i have also spent time in good ol recharge lounge with the squad again!!

have an assignment/report due in a couple days (weird bc the assignment is an online quiz but we still have to write a calc report to submit for portfolio.... rude) and that’s going well now yay! still very shocked that i used an incorrect correction factor AND rearranged an equation wrong, but got pretty much the correct answer!! So even though I fucked up twice, the quiz thinks i only messed up once so i only got penalised like 0.9 marks, whereas other ppl I know are losing up to 6 whole marks. sometimes i’m just blessed like that. and also thankful for my friends for making me realise and then figuring out the correct method with me.

two tests as soon as the holiday ends and i’ve been going into erskine for my daily programming revision sesh which is good. experimenting with listening to diff music before trying the practice quizzes and weirdly my sad mood playlist has had the best results so far looool

haven’t done too much for structures but will smash it out once soils report is done. plus that subject is my fave so i’m not too stressed

lately i’ve felt super distant from everything, and i can’t fucking focus on a thing!! very annoying when i know i should be getting things done but ya girl’s got a lot on her mind :(

so thursday last week i went to a court hearing between Work Safe and the company my dad worked for. that’s one of the hardest days i’ve had in a long time. basically, for those who don’t know - my dad was a welder and died in a workplace accident in june 2017. very shit. very sad. i still cry all the time (heres a link to old post). but yeah, last week was finally the end of the legal process over it. the company had plead guilty last year over breaching things in the HSWA, and last week the court went through figuring out reparations and fines.

it felt quite cold listening to them put monetary values on things that you can’t put a price on. we don’t fucking care about the money. it was hard listening to them try place the blame on someone. but i’ve been waiting for this day to be over a long time, and it finally is. thank fucking god. the lawyers and reps from worksafe were really lovely and helpful. the judge was amazing. he had read EVERYTHING that had been submitted. he was a man with a plan and i have big respect for the effort he must’ve put in. they’d given almost 3 hours for the hearing but he got done in 45 minutes.

after that i went back to uni to try think about less shitty things, ended up having a wee cry in erskine but it was much needed. did i get any work done? nah. and then i had a headache so went home. it was a bit stupid of me to go to uni after that but it pretty much sums up how my critical thinking skills have been lately lol

i feel bad for being the AbsoluteWorst for people to interact with lately but v thankful for everyone who continues to tolerate me. they’re all stars. i have been doing a terrible job of checking in on some of my friends so i gotta do that too.

life is just a massive bitch but mate, i am working so hard to keep going forward. if by some WILD CHANCE anyone is reading this, you might feel the need to worry about me but srsly, i can take it all and still be a positive gal ok. im good

and i mean, everyone’s goin thru something that no one knows about right? that’s why we always gotta be nice :) :) 

today i was at uni, typical morning in central lib followed by afternoon in eng core. got a fair bit of work done. then my friends and i went to scope out the fig trees on campus and eventually managed to find them. v excited to finally try some when they ripen ahhhh!!

tomorrow i wanna bake some more biscuits for my pals and catch up with my fave old coworker so im excited. also want to make a feijoa cake but maybs that’s a better weekend plan. gonna bust out my soils assignment before going to bed tonight too.

this weekend me and mum and are gonna get the fireplace ready for lighting again as well as some GARDENING so i am pumped for that! 

one more thing from this week/late last: I AM OBSESSED WITH MY MENSTRUAL CUP. if you have any Qs at all feel free to message bc i would LOVE to talk about it!!!!!

still doin my best to make every day a good one. hope ur having a fab day too