#which means he definitely had prior experience in field work

[razziematazz]

i think one of my favorite things in fics is when people write stone as not only a very capable agent, but one of the top agents period who HAS killed for robotnik and would again without even a half of a second thought. protect your situationship baby <3

[dear-ao3]

what IS going down with daniel? ive seen a few things about it but nothing that actually explains (i am very much not an f1 person, apart from knowing some names from what you guys post lol)

ah yes. daniel ricciardo's fall from grace.

daniel ricciardo is a driver at vcarb. vcarb is the second team of red bull racing. red bull wins stuff, vcarb is meant to ready drivers to get into the red bull team.

daniel was previously a red bull driver and he was doing well there. he was the number one driver at the team for a few years (meaning he was prioritized over his teammate because he was the "better" or "more successful" driver) and red bull wasnt really winning anything at that time, but they weren't sucking. i think he joined red bull around 2014? was teammates with Sebastian vettel (who had won 4 consecutive championships with red bull fro 2010-2013) for a year until he went to ferrari, then was teammates with daniil kyvat for another year and then i think it was partway through 2016 max verstappen, who was at toro rosso (the old team name for vcarb) got swapped with daniil who was "under performing" (red bull do this a lot) and max became Daniels teammate

at first this was fine. max was really young, like 18 years old really young, and daniel had a few more seasons under his belt. daniel was still the number 1 driver. but max was kind of wild and insane and regarded as a future world champion and after a while he started getting better and better and becoming more of a threat to daniel

i need to stress here that the two of them were friends. like absolutely they were friends. they aparently shared hotel rooms and lived in the same building for awhile. they are very good friends. that was not the problem that they hated eachother.

the problem was that daniel wanted to win a world championship and he couldnt win a world championship if the team decided to prioritize max over him.

this all came to a head in 2018. daniels contract was up at the end of the year. the car was fast but not quite fast enough to win the championship, though they did manage to get a few good wins in that year (namely daniel won in monaco which is a big deal) but they also had some shit moments (max and daniel both crashed into eachother while max (?) was leading the race in baku) and the car had some technical problems, mainly with the engine. the engine was a renault engine (renault was another team on the grid, only so many comapnies or teams make f1 engines so multiple teams use the same engine) and it kept literally exploding. daniel was making it work (he won monaco unable to shift past like 3rd gear) but it was not ideal if you want to win a world championship

red bull was set to change their engine provider for 2019 and they were going to go with honda. but daniel was still unconvinced because honda hadn't done f1 engines before (or recently i dont remember which) and also there was the whole max thing.

everyone was still convinced he was going to resign with red bull. but he didnt. he signed with renault. the team with the bad engines.

renault were no closer a championship winning team than red bull were, they were actually slightly behind red bull in the championship at that point. and this shocked everyone. why did daniel choose this? well he wanted to be a teams number 1 driver and also he liked the project they were working towards and whatever whatever etc. anyway this doesnt pan out. daniel was at renault for 2 years and then signed with mclaren.

which was by all accounts a disaster. mclaren at this point were still a flaming hot disaster. (mclaren prior to mid season last year were a definitively mid field car). his teammate was lando and lando had only 2 years of experience in f1 and was still quite young (20 i think) but lando essentially had a better time driving the car than daniel did. which no one was expecting. daniel did manage to win a race with them though, in monza in 2022. mclarens first win in many many years.

despite that, he was not treated well. it was easy to see. he looked underweight a lot, looked generally miserable and clearly the team didnt really care too much about him. he and lando were friends though, which was good. media tried to pit the two of them against eachother, but they were and still are good friends.

anyway. daniel's contract was supposed to run through 2023. mclaren and daniel supposedly both elected to end it early at the end of 2022 (mclaren signed oscar as a replacement) leaving daniel without a seat and retired

which was not great. daniels a big personality in f1, hes a funny guy, he says out of pocket stuff, hes goofy and whatever else. people like him, hes fun. so this was upsetting to see the spark leave him and then also see him leave the sport.

adding salt to the wound here, max won the championship in 2021 and 2022

so he got a call from Christian horner, the red bull team principal. christian is not a great guy but he likes daniel. he invites daniel back to red bull as a third driver, which basically means he does pr.

now remember the junior red bull team. in 2023 it was called alpha tauri and yuki tsunoda was there along with nyck devries. nyck had had an awful season by mid point and scored no points. christian had daniel do some tests in one of the red bull cars, his numbers were good and promising and what do you know daniel was back on the grid as a driver at alpha tauri. it seemed the plan was to leave him there for the rest of the season then maybe swap him with checo peer, the second driver at red bull, for the following year.

Daniel ended up breaking his hand a few races back at zandvoort and was replaced briefly by liam lawson, who was the red bull and alpa tauri reserve driver. liam lawson did better than anyone expected and managed to get points and also knock max verstappen out of qualifying in his most dominant season ever.

daniel finished out the last 5 races of the year and had a contract with vcarb (name changed again) for 2024.

checo had a rough end to the 2023 season and it was rumored for awhile that they were going to swap daniel and checo at the start of 2024 but this never panned out. most cause it seemed like daniel was not performing as well as they thought he would. there were a few times where everyone thought he was going to get cut and get replaced by liam lawson again who is still on deck. checo also got resigned at red bull for 2025 and despite having a not so great run for awhile is still on the team.

daniel has not been re signed for 2025

the rumors bounce back and forth every week. some weeks people say hes leaving some weeks people say hes getting promoted to red bull. he generally ignores them. but its no secret he wants to go back to red bull to finish his career.

this all came to a head this weekend in singapore.

heading into the weekend there were some heavy rumors that daniel was going to be replaced by liam lawson for the last 6 races because daniel is underperforming. and this was a Strong rumor. so strong in fact that it started to get properly addressed by commentators and announcers.

why would red bull pick now to swap him? not sure. williams did a driver swap a few weeks ago and that has worked in their favor. it would also i guess let them see if liam still has what it takes for 2025. whos to say.

in any case. daniel had a bad qualifying and ended the race in 18/18. however. at the end, they pitted him to get soft tires. (the fastest ones) to potentially get him the fastest lap of the race.

fastest lap of the race gets you one extra championship point if youre in the top 10. and daniel was not in the top 10 but it would take the point away from lando norris, who was winning in his mclaren by almost 30 seconds. lando is behind max in the drivers championship standings by about 50 something points and slowly gaining.

so daniel ricciardo, in what might have been his last ever f1 race, goes balls to the walls in a slightly shit box mid field car, on the second to last lap, and pulls out what is not only the fastest lap, but the track record fastest lap, taking a point away from lando norris, who drives for the team that mistreated him so badly and kicked him out of the sport the first time, all to help max verstappen, his ex teammate and the very reason why he left red bull in the first place, win the championship.

yeah.

anyway, all of the commentators were treating it like it was daniels last race. they asked him what his emotions were getting out of the car and he almost cried in the interview, they showed him a montage of his career, the whole team was waiting for him outside of the hospitality when he got back, he got voted driver of the day by the fans despite being virtually in last place. it seems like hes done and he knows hes done but unfortunately no one can say anything about it yet.

which is unfortunate. as i said everyone likes him. and it was general consensus of everyone announcing this weekend that he deserved a better send off than this weird cut right before the end of the season. for someone who has in fact done so much for red bull, it feels like theyre shooting him in the foot.

[aly-writes]

hi! not sure if this makes the cut, seeing as your request inbox is almost full. but i'd like to request chishiya headcannons with cheerful/outgoing reader but they slowly become the opposite after losing their friends game after game. thank you and have an awesome day ahead! you deserve it!

y'all the new layout on desktop is killing me, wth is going on😭 i ended up adding d.p. and bloodhounds to my list of shows i'll be writing for, so check my rules to see which characters you can request (when requests open, please don't send them in right now or i'll get overwhelmed lol)

anyways here is some chishiya because we all adore him to the end of the earth and back. he's gorgeous i need him so badddd. i maybe got a little carried away :) this was really enjoyable to write

warnings: chishiya and s/o are in a pre-established relationship, angst w/ a happy ending, hurt/comfort, spoilers for s2 at the the end

chishiya with an s/o who loses their cheer

you were bright. so bright, in fact, that sometimes you blinded chishiya

chishiya knew you. your ups, your downs, your flaws, and your strengths. it would be strange if he didn't given the fact you were engaged before ending up in the borderlands

when you both ended up here, it didn't take him long to realize how big of a liability you were. not only to him, but yourself as well

did he trust you to complete games? yes, he did. you had a strong sense of determination and were 100% a survivor, so he had no doubts there

what he didn't trust was how you would react to other people in your games

being so friendly and optimistic gave you nothing but a disadvantage in this world, and he knew from the start that it would tear you apart

as much as he wanted to distance himself from you the moment you both arrived at the beach, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

he's a clever man who doesn't typically feel much remorse. he knew that if you hadn't been connected to him prior to the borderlands he would have ditched you instantly

but unfortunately for him, he lets his feelings get in the way because you were the one person who could truly make him feel

no matter how tough things were, you would give him a kiss on the cheek and a pat on the back. all the while encouraging him to 'cheer up, you look best when you're smiling'

you continued to shower him with love and affection while you were alone, just like you did in the real world. things were totally different now, but you didn't let that dampen your spirit

you and him were opposite ends of basically everything. you couldn't be more diverse, so it wasn't a shock at how familiar you got with everyone.

and when i say everyone, i mean everyone

you had worked in a social field beforehand, so you tended to be extremely good at memorizing names and facts about a person

it was one of the things that interested chishiya the most. while he encountered many different people per day and ultimately started to forget about them, you kept those you met near and dear no matter how powerful your experience with them

you were a people magnet. you basically radiated a friendly aura, and the other residents of the beach noticed quickly

you got along with mostly everyone (note: mostly. the militants were a different story...)

unfortunately for you, this meant that when you were put in groups for a game, you were bound to know at least one person in your group on a personal level

that is where your downfall began

chishiya knew it would happen at some point. when he saw you walk to your group's car chatting up a storm with one of the other members, he mentally prepared himself to take in your emotions when you came back.

and his speculations were confirmed correct, once again. your body was battered, bruised, and had definitely seen some better days during it's time. the way your eyes moved from one corner of the room to the next was sloppy and dull.

to be blunt? you looked like shit.

but he wouldn't say that, not once. although he had a certain fondness towards snide comments, he also had a fondness towards you. he was aware of what you needed in that moment, and the thing you needed most was him.

the way your gaze trekked through the crowd of people exuded a certain type of exhaustion that one can't explain. it was like you were exerting every ounce of your leftover spirit to find a specific person. and when your gaze finally found him, he could practically feel the tension that lifted off of your shoulders himself.

you moved toward him in such a despairing, yet hopeful way. the way your emotions screamed out to him so prominently was incredible. with just a small movement he already understood exactly what you were thinking and feeling.

when you reached him he gently took your elbow and guided you around to corner, if only to receive a small amount of privacy.

"'shiya..." your bottom lip quivered ever-so-slightly. the emotions swimming through the pools of your eyes were that which he couldn't comprehend. so complex, so telling but so complicated. seeing the exhaustion raking through your entire body, he wished he could understand.

he desired to find some type of mutual emotion in the lingering emptiness, but the small amount of hope in your eyes told him all he needed to know to understand that he was not able to. and he probably never would.

he couldn't give you the solace of knowing what you were going through, so the only thing he could do was bring you into arms.

and you cried. and you cried and you cried and you cried until you couldn't anymore because, for the first time in this damn world, you felt like you could lose everything you had built yourself upon. and it was terrifying.

as time progressed, chishiya noticed the brightness of your eyes leave bit by bit

he had tried to protect you from what he knew would happen, but you were stubborn about what you wanted and stuck in your ways

you thought that making friends would make everything more bearable, but you now realized how foolish you had been

the once starry partner he had known was not diminished to something of an empty shell of what had been

but even then, during quiet nights when the party of the beach had fallen silent and all that remained was you and him, you would tell him about your hopes for the future

you were still there, just nowhere as prominent as before

after the massacre that came from the ten of hearts, you didn't bother talking to anyone that wasn't him at all

the hope in your eyes had fizzled out completely

there were many problems chishiya knew how to fix. injuries? the easiest trick in the book. games? child's play to him.

but your lack of emotion was something he was frazzled on. he truly didn't know what to do, and if he was being completely honest with himself? he hated seeing you like this

you started to remind him too much of himself

empty eyes, lack of empathy for those around you. he felt like he was looking in a mirror and it kinda weirded him out

it wasn't until after he completed the king of diamonds that he decided to ask you about it. and not just make a comment, he wanted to have a genuine conversation with you

unfortunately he didn't get to do so when he wanted to because of niragi's trigger-happy finger

he was in pain and you were panicked and everything felt like too much for you

you were over him in a second with arisu and usagi, holding his face in your hands and crying

but you were crying and you were beautiful and that was enough for him, because FINALLY you were showing some sort of emotion

so when you sent arisu and usagi off to go take down the last two face cards, he felt... relieved

your face was so full of determination as you tried your best to tend to his wounds

he knew that the old you was in there somewhere, he should have expected it to come out in such a dire situation

as the day got darker and his heartbeat got fainter, you whispered out all your feelings and the waterworks would not give you a break

and all he could do was smile at you, which seemed so uncharacteristic but... you had both just been through hell and back, so you took whatever you could get

when the fireworks eventually shot off signaling the end of the game, he looked over at you one last time before making his decision. he couldn't be more delighted with what he saw

your eyes were filled with both love and hope, and things were back to where they should be

[chaotic-multi-fandom]

Holden Caulfield

So, I just finished “The Catcher in the Rye”, and it was very different from what I expected. This book has a reputation of being somewhat extreme, and making teenagers more angry, depressed or even violent because of its main character Holden. However, now that I’ve read it, I fail to see why. I can understand why at the time of its publication Holden’s internal monologue could’ve been seen as alarming, specially to adults, but not as much in the present time, and definitely not as extreme as it said to be. He’s also constantly called annoying, pretentious and an asshole, which he sometimes is, but once again, In my opinion, not to the extreme people present him as. I didn’t mind being inside of his head the entire novel, nor did I ever find him as insufferable as most people seem to, and definitely not a monster, if anything I had a lot of empathy and understanding towards him. 

To me, Holden simply came off as a lost 17 year old boy, grappling with grief, identity, and having lost his innocence at a very young age. He’s clearly suffering from depression, and is generally angry and disillusioned with the world, however given his implied experiences it’s only natural, even just the death of his brother prior to the events of the book cold easily explain his behaviour, however there’s definitely other elements, which choses not to reveal, that have contributed to his current state. 

To me, Holden never came off as extreme or violent, at least not enough to be sent to a psych ward or o incite the alarmed response people seem to have to his character. In fact, despite seemingly being done with the world, and not caring about anything anymore, Holden seems to have this constant thrive and need of protecting the world. Despite all of his utterly depressed, frustrated, and negative inner monologue, he’s constantly through out the novel, carrying out these little acts of kindness towards children. He helps two boys find a section of the museum, and explains to them what everything means, he helps a girl tie up her skates at the roller rink, and rubs off nasty messages left at schools so that the children don’t read them, and most notably he does anything and everything for his younger sister Phoebe.

Most of the time, he’s left in awe of the world when he interacts with these children, specially with Phoebe, it’s the only moments were he even says he feels happy. He seems to be impressed by children’s minds, and has this urge to protect and help them every time he encounters one, going to great lengths (such as buying a limited expensive album for his sister) in order to make their days better. Then, he hears a child sing the song that brings the name of the novel “the catcher in the rye”, he sings about a body catching another body in the rye,. When later in the novel he wonders about he’d want to do in the future, the song is the only thing that comes to mind. He imagines that he’s in that field, where children are playing near a cliff, and he’s the one that catches them and leads them away from the cliff, he’s the catcher in the rye. To him, this means saving children from losing their innocence as young as he did. It’s the only thing he can imagine himself doing. 

This truly shows that Holden, is in no way some disturbed violent mind, he’s just a 17 year old child, who lost his innocence at a very young age due to traumatic experiences which he’s only now processing, he’s also going through the grief of his brother’s death, which his parents don’t help with, his mother also suffering from depression, and his father always being away as a big shot lawyer. He’s disillusioned with the world and humanity, because most of his life experiences, and contacts with older role models have been very negative, including the one with his older brother whom he once had a good relationship with, but is now a shame to the family due to his work as a prostitute. He’s desperate for the children around him not to suffer the same fate. 

While he may seem utterly disgusted and done with the world, I think that he actually holds a lot of hope in his heart for his sister Phoebe and all the children he meets. Holden’s problem isn’t that he has no hope left, it’s that he has too much of it no matter how hard he tries to repress it. He holds a hope so great for the world, that he can’t help but stay despite his suicidal thoughts. Holden, fantasises about ending his life several times throughout the novel, but then, as soon as he’s even close to getting sick with a cold for example, he becomes extremely anxious, scared and even obsessive, thinking that he’s going to die, which he desperately doesn’t want to do. Even when he is attacked with those suicidal thoughts, which never last long, he’s always immediately reminded of Phoebe, and realises he couldn’t bare her going through grief. 

Holden desperately wants to stay in this world, and he’s constantly looking for reasons to do so, he’s in awe of the purity and innocence of children, and wishes the world would be kinder and better for them. Holden is lonely angry and depressed, which can result in him acting violently in instances, but essentially, he’s desperately trying to improve the world around him, and repeatedly not giving up on it. As he puts it, he never hates anything for long.

Well, this had been my small Holden rant, however do be aware that, I'm writing this approximately 30 minutes after finishing the book, so my ideas aren't completely settled, and given that I haven't looked AT ALL into actual analysis of the novel, I may be way off, and made a fool of myself but oh well. At the end of the day they're almost no wrong answers when it comes to interpretation, and this is how I personally perceived Holden Caulfield.

[fancyshooting]

thoughts on ocelot’s time in the navy(?) - based on that analysis of his uniform

cushy!

if his conceited attitude is anything to go by, he was treated very well in russia. he has an inflated ego but is sorely lacking in skill. he becomes indignant at snake's criticism, as if he has been used to constant praise. I think the KGB would've congratulated him for defecting, then in the GRU we know he gets special treatment from volgin due to his background. his youth would get him a lot of adulation too. so young! so clever!

I was struggling to find any irl battles or idk events ocelot could've been involved with but then I realised that his whole thing in mgs3 is that he doesn't actually have a lot of combat experience. a lot of that is likely due to the leniency afforded to him on account of being a very special boy. he does wear a ribbon bar though, suggesting that he achieved something of note at some point within those first four years in the soviet union (although judging by his epaulettes, he was promoted not long before the start of the virtuous mission, so maybe the ribbon bar is related to that)

since he was only sixteen when he defected, he probably wasn't enrolled into the military straight away. he and EVA had NSA secrets to spill first, so he must have had meeting after meeting where that information would have been recorded by KGB officials. then, he would have to be taught the russian approach to espionage and the political climate etc. etc., which would take some time. I'm not sure if he would still officially be with the KGB by the time he joins the military... we're never told exactly what kind of work he was doing for the KGB other than acting as an informant and secretly passing on intel from the GRU. the KGB also had their own spetsnaz (spetsnaz literally just means "special forces" so you can get GRU spetsnaz and KGB spetsnaz - both totally different groups), meaning that ocelot might still have been operating in a military environment rather than focusing on civilian matters, which I think is what you tend to think of when you hear "KGB"

the soviet naval infantry was disbanded in 1947 and remained as such until 1961 (there was still a soviet navy but no naval infantry, the branch that the west would call marines). I personally believe ocelot was sent to join the GRU when he was eighteen, so I'm trying to fit everything around that. apparently the cuban missile crisis was a factor in prompting the ussr to strengthen its navy and that was in october 1962, meaning (according to my headcanon) he would already be in the GRU. this could be why he ended up in the naval infantry and not, eg. the air force

there's no way that, as the son of two legendary war heroes, ocelot wouldn't have received any combat training in childhood. the philosophers would have been pushing him to meet the standard set by his parents. russia isn't supposed to know about all that training though, so he would have had to have pretended to be nothing more than a cryptographer (maybe his skills dulled and he's just rusty in mgs3...?)

regardless of the exact years and specific organisation he was working for, I think little captain ocelot probably spent more time hanging out with the high-ups learning about military strategy while the other men his age were out in the field doing the taxing, dangerous work. if he was pretending not to have had any prior combat training, maybe he was put to use working on a radio team or something. idk signals, communication, all the skills that he would be expected to have as a known former NSA agent

he could've trained with the naval infantry while already being part of spetsnaz. apparently navy spetsnaz were accommodated with regular recruits and went through pretty much the same training so that they wouldn't be marked out as SECRET SPECIAL FORCES. that means he could technically still be doing navy stuff in mgs3, even though he's stuck up a mountain

he's definitely trained in jumping stylishly from aircraft into water at least. naval infantry conduct operations mostly by amphibious assault... hey wait. what if the croc cap was..... omg thank you ADAM...

um... he got to go on boats and maybe a submarine. cats generally don't like water but ocelots do so swimming is fine. he travelled around the coast and saw a whale one time. he read lots of secret documents about submarines and developments in the world of sonar and radar and underwater weapons. torpedoes and um... um... idk I wish I had more to say about this but idk anything about the navy, let alone the cold war soviet navy sorry :( I hope it wasn't terrible B) ty for the ask!!

[saginthesun]

How does consciousness work?

The simplest definitions of consciousness include sensitivity and awareness of both internal and exterior existence because of its nature; philosophers, theologians, linguists, and scientists have spent millennia analyzing, explaining, and debating it. We still need to learn how awareness develops, despite advancements in our understanding of brain function. Two well-known hypotheses put forth by scientists are the integrated information theory (IIT) and the global neural workspace theory (GNWT) (IIT).

The purposeful existence of mental qualities with a qualitative or phenomenal element is what is referred to as consciousness. It is also a uniting aspect of the experience, sometimes known as qualia (Van Gulick 1993).

Consciousness, in general, is a catch-all phrase for a variety of mental events. Both individual mental states and activities, as well as entire creatures or systems, are described as aware.

The term "aware" can be used in a variety of ways, and these interpretations can differ from person to person. A creature may be defined as conscious in a stricter and more ambiguous meaning if it is aware that it is aware.

If the level of self-awareness necessary is only a clearer understanding of self-consciousness, non-human animals and even young toddlers may need to meet the criteria. It may only refer to simple implicit types of self-consciousness in a more constrained meaning.

One of the most crucial issues in psychology is the genesis of consciousness. We shall learn more about the question's response as well as the similarities and variations across mental processes.

Examining how we might define consciousness is the first step in finding the answer to this query. There are other strategies that may be used, but they all rely on employing ideas to explain a single underlying phenomenological phenomenon.

For instance, Jaynes contends that, prior to the development of awareness, humans possessed a bicameral mind (a mind split into two separate parts). The problem-solving portion of the brain, the left hemisphere, was in charge of coming up with answers, while the decision-making portion, the right hemisphere, "heard" these suggestions.

Daniel Dennett is one of many people who embrace Jaynes' idea. In particular, he agrees with Jaynes that social and environmental circumstances had a major role in the comparatively recent emergence of consciousness.

The experience of consciousness is intricate and multisensory. It combines a variety of sensory modalities, such as visual representations of relative size and location, sound and movement; chemical information represented by taste and scents; internal awareness of touch with objects, bodily postures, and sentiments about people, events, and other things.

Using a range of qualia that reflect different qualitative and quantitative aspects of each sensory experience, it is also unified across various modalities and senses. For instance, we can tell a balloon is smooth, has no lumps, and has no sharp edges.

Normal circumstances lead to the perception of self-related data from multiple internal sensors as being aggregated and always situated together, and this skill has vital biological relevance. It is consciousness's main adaptive function.

A complicated network of several brain regions processing conscious information in various ways and at different stages to produce conscious awareness. One of the most crucial aspects of consciousness is attention, and several of these fields are focused on it.

Other sections concentrate on processing sensory information, which may be independent of awareness. As a result, several forms of conscious awareness for memory consolidation, learning, and energy management emerge. These various states of consciousness are significantly influenced by the brain's attentional information processing system. It is so challenging to pinpoint the neurological correlates of awareness.

This issue has been addressed through a number of research avenues. The first strategy is based on a single theory of consciousness, which makes the assumption that phenomenal awareness is monolithic or profoundly united. However, the diversity issue has to be addressed in this hypothesis.

[badboyjuyeon]

me plus you

Pairing: Eric x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 4.6k

Summary: You have to tutor Eric in calculus, but you’re struggling in calculus and Eric doesn’t actually need help.

This was not happening. You rubbed your eyes again as if that was going to change the 0/100 that you received from missing your latest calculus quiz. It didn’t matter how many A’s you got in your past quizzes, a zero would definitely damage your grade. You shoved the test in your bag and made your way towards the teacher’s desk. 

“I missed yesterday’s class so I had no idea that I missed this quiz. Is there any way that I can make this up?” You asked your teacher, hoping that she might spare some pity and excuse this quiz. This was out of character for a straight-A student like yourself and you knew that she had a soft spot towards you. 

“Unfortunately, it was a unit quiz and you missed it. If you read the syllabus, it explicitly states that there are no make-up opportunities...” She began in a stern voice which eventually turned softer when she noticed the panicked look on your face. “...But knowing how you have always done well in this class, I would be willing to offer extra credit if you join the tutoring center.” 

“Consider it done!” You gave your best fake smile as you tried not to think of all the free time you were about to lose. It was your fault, after all, for sleeping in on the day you knew you would have the quiz. Maybe you turned off your alarm because you were struggling in the last few classes and scared to receive a failing grade. Maybe you closed your eyes for “five more minutes” because you didn’t know how to ask for help since you’ve never needed to before. 

As you turned to leave, you noticed Eric Sohn push his way from the back of the classroom. He avoided eye contact with the teacher as if that would make him invisible.

“Eric I would like to meet with you.” Your teacher called out to him as he had one foot out of the doorway. 

“Aww man, I was so close to escaping.” He muttered under his breath. You bit back a smile at his comment and watched him step back into the classroom. You brushed past him as you left to go sign up for the tutoring center. Eric envied you for being able to walk free, while he was going to be stuck getting yelled at. 

“Eric, you’ve been failing all of the recent quizzes. I spoke with your coach and we agreed that you can’t play on the team unless your grades improve.” She shook her head in disappointment. 

Eric could not believe what he was hearing. All his practice would have gone towards nothing. He could feel his dreams of becoming a professional baseball player slip away, all because of this one stupid class. “I promise I’ll do better on the next one, just please let me stay on the team.” 

Your teacher sighed, “You said that the last time. You still haven’t taken up my recommendation of going to the tutoring center. Another peer might be able to help you better. If your next few grades improve after tutoring, then we’ll talk.” 

Eric headed towards the library during his lunch period, which he never would have done under any other circumstance. He preferred to be outside playing basketball with his friends than being cooped up in the library. After signing his name, he sat down on an empty table and waited to be assigned to a tutor. When he tried to look for another familiar name on the tutor list, he noticed yours scribbled neatly with your perfect font-like handwriting. You’ve probably never failed a quiz in your life, let alone the past few quizzes. Eric groaned. How did he let himself slip up in this class? He had a pretty high GPA, but this class was dragging it down from its highest potential. 

He flipped through the notebook he dedicated to calculus and was met with empty pages. If only he didn’t stay up late studying for his other classes, he would have been able to pay attention during this class. But resting his eyes always seemed like a much better option. 

“Eric? Hi, I’ll be your new calc tutor.” Eric looked up to see you pull out the seat across from him. He let out a sigh of relief because you were not a complete stranger and you always got the highest grades. He would be back on the team in no time. He shot you a smile and his eyes formed crescent moons.

You returned his smile but it was only momentary, and it left as quickly as it came. “Can I tell you a secret?” You fidgeted with your fingers. 

Eric was unsure of what to make of your sudden question. He nodded his head to encourage you to continue. 

“I have no idea what’s going on in class.” You admitted to him, though this was not something you told anyone else. 

Eric let out a laugh, you had to be joking. “Don’t you need an A in this class to be a tutor?” 

“Yeah, I just always get my work done on time. My grade doesn’t reflect my understanding of the material but how well I can cheat on all of my assignments.” Upon seeing his confused face, you chose to elaborate. “I usually use photomath, that’s the only way I’ve been passing.” 

Eric’s mouth parted in shock. Why didn’t he think of using that app himself? He also couldn’t believe that you were struggling in that class. “Then I’m not crazy, she just really can’t teach. That’s why I haven’t been understanding anything.” 

“It’s not you, it’s her.” You assured him. “But can I still ‘tutor’ you because that would be the only way to make up for my last quiz?” You hoped that your desperation wasn’t too obvious. 

Eric studied your face, he never had any chance to talk to you this long. Your features were tainted with stress. He could tell that your grades mattered and that he was the only person that could help you. It wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time outside of class with you, it’s not like he had baseball practice to take away his free time. 

“Sure, I’m going to need these lessons to explain why I’m suddenly going to do amazing in this class after I start using photomath.” 

Your face lit up when you heard him accept and it was enough to ensure that he made the right choice. 

“How bad did you do on the last quiz?” Eric still couldn’t believe that you were not the nerd that he thought you were. Teachers always used your work for examples of model work and that was the only impression he had of you prior to this tutor session.

“I got a 0 because I missed class that day.” You looked away in embarrassment. The bright red 0 was still easily visible on your crumpled-up test. 

Eric placed his test marked with 65/100 next to yours. “Well I didn’t pass even though I was in class, so we can try to work on it together.”

You flipped to the chapter that the quiz was on and turned the textbook sideways so that he could also see. The library was mainly empty save for you two because the weather was nice and everyone would much rather go outside for lunch. Your table was positioned right near the window, and Eric had the perfect view of all of his friends playing baseball on the school field. He could have been there if he didn’t slack off this bad. 

No matter how many times you read the page, you still couldn’t quite get the concept down. No other class had you stuck like this one. While you were stuck rereading, Eric started attempting the first problem on his quiz. He finished in a matter of seconds and you took out photomath, a calculator app that solves literally everything, to check if it’s the same answer. 

You couldn’t hide the look of shock on your face when the answer on your screen matched the one on his paper. “Eric I didn’t know that you were a genius. You have to teach me how to do this.” 

Eric’s face also matched yours as he was also surprised at himself. He never even thought to attempt the problems before. 

“I don’t really know what I did.” He confessed but tried to walk you through his thought process. Hearing him explain the steps allowed you to think of the problem in an entirely different way and it was the only thing you needed to understand how to solve it. Your face still expressed the initial shock, but now you felt more impressed than surprised. 

Eric laughed at the irony, here he was tutoring you instead of the other way around. “I’ll have you know that just because I’m a sports guy doesn’t mean that I’m an airhead.” 

“And having A’s doesn’t exactly mean that I’m a nerd. I knew you weren’t an airhead, but sleeping during class didn’t exactly make you look the smartest.” You teased him, before asking him the real question that was plaguing your mind. “You picked it up so quickly, why did you fail the last few quizzes?” 

He switched his gaze from the paper to look straight into your eyes. “Honestly, I didn’t have any motivation to actually do the quizzes. I thought that I was screwed since I kept sleeping during class. And I have to sacrifice some classes to do better in the rest.” He answered, before moving on to the next problem. 

With him facing towards the paper, you took note of his perfect side profile. His eyebrows were furrowed as he thought about how to solve the question. Wow, his jawline was sharp and you were getting sidetracked.

Using his method, you were able to breeze through the problems. You were the type of student to follow the book, word for word, while Eric was the opposite. He was carefree and just did what he felt like, and it worked. You would’ve never thought to experiment like he did but it was exactly what you needed to do. 

“Wait I don’t get how to do these last few problems.” He interrupted you from your thoughts and you leaned closer to get a better view of the problem. You checked the steps to solve the problem from photomath and figured out how to solve it. 

While you were explaining the problem to him, Eric suddenly became aware of the short proximity between the two of you. His eyes traced your features and they subconsciously drifted towards your lips. He wondered whether they felt as soft as they looked, in a totally platonic way, of course. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. 

“That’s why you use this- Eric? Were you even listening?” You turned to face him after he stopped being responsive. Eric felt the blood rush to his cheeks. He quickly scanned the paper and pretended that he was paying attention all along. “Yeah I was listening, I understand it.” 

You spent the rest of the period working together to get through the quiz. You two were in your own world and you wouldn’t have noticed how much time went by if the library didn’t become loud, signaling the end of the period, as students transitioned between classes. The period never felt this short. 

“We are quite the team,” Eric said as you packed up your things. 

“Surprisingly, we are. Let’s meet up again at the same time next week.” You waved at him and rushed to get to your next class. 

“See you in class.” Eric watched as you left the library and looked forward to the next time he would see you.

Upon entering calculus class the next day, Eric searched for your face. He found you sitting in your usual seat near the window. Your head was down on the desk, unaware that he was approaching you. 

“Is this seat taken?” You lifted your head to see Eric gesturing to the seat next to you. You shook your head, confused as to why he decided to sit next to you instead of the back of the classroom. 

You didn’t have to worry about saving a seat for a friend because calculus was the one class that you didn’t share with any friends. You didn’t realize it until now but none of the boys you saw Eric hang out with were in this class either. At least you two would have each other now.

���Isn’t it easier to sleep in the back of the classroom?” You questioned.

“It is, but it's easier to cheat- I mean learn next to you.” He said with a cheeky grin. 

Your teacher walked in, cutting off your small talk. 

You took out your calculus textbook and notebook while you waited for the teacher to begin. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Eric scribble something on the last page of his notebook. When the teacher turned around to write on the chalkboard, he slid his notebook over to you and tapped you. 

i forgot my textbook in my locker, can i look over on yours? 

You pushed your textbook towards him and positioned it in between you two. He mouthed a quick “thanks.” 

Your teacher began explaining the new concept and you almost forgot about Eric’s presence next to you as you copied down everything that was on the board. 

“Wait, is that a four or a nine?” You whispered, trying to decipher the messy handwriting. When you heard no response from Eric, you turned to look at him for the first time since class had started. Eric’s head was resting on the palm of his hand and his eyes were closed shut. He did not just leave you to fend for yourself. You nudged his hand and his head fell onto the desk with a loud thud. 

Your teacher briefly turned around to call out whoever was interrupting her lesson but you resumed writing and Eric pretended to read the textbook page extremely closely. After she faced the board again, Eric raised his eyebrows at you, as if to ask why you disrupted his sleep. Not wanting to draw attention again, you passed him a note.

pay attention if you want the teacher to like you, trust me it works.

easier said than done, teacher’s pet.

Eric waited for you to read his note before he stuck his tongue out at you. 

You were going to deny being the teacher’s pet when you were interrupted by Hyunjae, who sat on your other side. “Can you help me with number 1?”

“Uh sure.” You responded, despite wanting to work with Eric. You glanced back at Eric, but he began working on the new problem set by himself. 

Though Eric’s eyes were focused on the paper in front of him, his ears couldn’t help but listen to your conversation with Hyunjae.  

“You’re a lifesaver, thank you so much. Can I pay you back with bubble tea after school?” Hyunjae gave you a flirtatious smile. 

Eric’s grip on his pen tightened. He convinced himself that he was only annoyed because he didn’t know how to solve the problem.

“I would never say no to free bubble tea.” You checked to see if Eric was listening from your peripheral vision once again, but he seemed to be disinterested. You weren’t sure why you kept looking back at Eric, maybe you wanted to see if he would object. Or maybe you wanted him to object. But he made no such move to stop you. 

Hyunjae beamed. “Great, let’s meet up after class. And maybe we can study for the next test together?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Were you just trying to bribe me with bubble tea?”

Eric’s head was facing downwards as he tried to hide his feelings of betrayal. The nerve Hyunjae had to steal his study partner. 

“And if I was?” Hyunjae challenged.

“That was a smart way to bribe me, you might not even need to study with how smart you are.” You answered. 

Eric slammed his pen down, causing you and Hyunjae to look at him. 

“Oops, it slipped.” He blurted, feeling satisfied because he interrupted Hyunjae. 

The bell rang and you rushed to copy down the homework into your planner. 

“Do you want to work on the homework together?” Eric suggested while packing up his things. “I didn’t know how to do the third set of problems.” He added in, hoping that it would convince you to work together. 

“I don’t know, I’m in high demand these days. Everyone wants to study with me.” You flaunted. Of course you would study with him, you just wanted to make him work for it. Eric rushed to follow you out of the classroom.

“Pretty please.” He pouted and gave you puppy eyes. You snorted at his attempt of acting cute, which he didn’t even need to do since he was naturally cute. 

“Okay fine, but only if you stop doing that hideous face.” You stopped to open your locker. 

Eric leaned on the locker next to yours and crossed his arms. “No one can resist this sexy face.” 

“Yeah okay.” You replied in a sarcastic tone, though you secretly agreed with him. You took a pen out of your locker and grabbed his hand. Eric held his breath and watched to see what you would do next. You wrote your phone number on the palm of his hand. “Text me. Or facetime me, whatever works for you.” You shut your locker and headed to your next class.

Eric stared at your number on his hand and smiled to himself, his heart still racing from when you touched him. 

While you walked away, you felt proud that you were able to pull that move off. But then the color drained from your face. You never said what time. The power rested entirely on Eric and when he decided to contact you. That means that you would have to wait and possibly be camera-ready all day. 

As soon as Eric got home from school, he entered your phone number and saved your contact. He wondered whether he would seem too eager if he texted you right away. You were probably still studying with Hyunjae. Eric scoffed as he thought about how Hyunjae was there instead of him. 

You stared at the black screen on your phone. Tapping on it for the millionth time, the screen read 8:15 pm. Why didn’t you specify a time? You dived for your phone every time you saw your phone light up with a notification. 

Was he even going to facetime you? You glanced around your room in horror. You weren’t able to fix it when you rushed out of the house this morning. You could not let Eric see this mess. You got to work fixing your room while you waited for him to text you. Hearing the familiar vibration, you reached for your phone, hoping it wasn’t another spam email. 

hey, it’s eric. are you free to ft and work on the hw rn? 

Eric sent the text and threw his phone on the bed. He had spent 15 minutes debating whether his text was too casual. Hugging his pillow, he anxiously waited for you to respond. 

yea i’m free

You checked your room once again to see if anything was out of place. Then you saw your reflection in the mirror. You were so caught up in fixing your room, you forgot to fix your appearance. You quickly applied something on your lips so you wouldn’t look too bad. 

After sitting down in front of a lamp so you would have optimal lighting, you picked up his facetime call. 

“Hey.” You felt your breath hitch in your throat. His hair was still wet from the shower he took just earlier. You didn’t think it was possible for him to get any hotter. 

“So how was your date with Hyunjae.” He didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in his tone. Wow, real smooth Eric. He should’ve waited a bit longer to bring it up, but he couldn’t help it. 

You laughed at his choice of a conversation starter. “It wasn’t a date, and it was actually very fun. Maybe I need to start charging you for my services. I’ll only accept payment with bubble tea from now on.” 

“Spending quality time with me is your payment.” He replied with a smug look on his face.

You shook your head. “That is not enough, I fear.” 

Eric crossed his arms and tried to look offended. “I’ll hang up right now then.” 

“Need I remind you that you were the one that begged me to help you today?” You spoke matter-of-factly. “But if you must leave, go. I’m very busy you know.” 

“Busy studying with other guys? I thought we had something special.” He dramatically clutched his heart. 

“You wish, you are yet another one of my side hoes.” 

“Your main hoe being boba?” He raised an eyebrow.

You paused to think of a witty response. “It seems you are more interested in my love life than those calculus problems you needed help with.” 

“Those problems can wait.” He shrugged his shoulders. 

“Fine, how about this? For every problem you get correct, you can ask me a question and I’ll answer it honestly.” You proposed. 

Eric smiled widely. “I like how you think. And what happens if I get them wrong?” 

“Then I get to ask you a question.” You replied. 

“You won’t be able to ask me any questions.” His cockiness was apparent from how confidently he spoke. “The first solution is 5.” 

Checking the answer to the first problem, you confirmed that it was 5.

“Since this is about your love life, do you have a boyfriend?” He asked, desperately wanting you to say no. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Yes, I do have one.” You watched for Eric’s reaction. Eric’s smile dropped for a split second as he registered what you said. 

“Oh really? Who? Do I know him?” He interrogated, completely dropping his previous act. 

You felt amused watching him squirm. “That’s three other problems you have to get right.” 

To your surprise, Eric continued to get the next three problems correct.

“So who is your boyfriend?” He phrased carefully.

“Hyunjae.” You said with a straight face.

Eric’s eyes grew 10 times the size they were. “Really?”

“Nah, I’m just playing. I don’t have a boyfriend.” You finally revealed the truth. 

That definitely made Eric happier than he’d like to admit. 

“You just made me waste two questions.” He emphasized by holding up two fingers. 

“Did you even need help with those problems Eric?” 

“Yes...but I figured them all out while you were flirting with Hyunjae.” He looked away from the screen. 

“I was not flirting with Hyunjae.” You lied. You did flirt a little, but that was only because you wanted to see if Eric got jealous. 

Eric rolled his eyes, not believing you. “Sure you weren’t.” 

“You have not seen me flirt, believe me, you would know.” You told him honestly. If you were going to flirt with anyone, it would be him. 

Eric’s smile returned once again. “I look forward to seeing that.” 

You and Eric fell into a routine where you met up every week to study calculus. And then facetimed after school. And then texted at night. You would work together during class, and Eric would get annoyed every time Hyunjae tried to join. 

You and Eric were prepared for the next calculus quiz and your efforts paid off. As soon as Eric got his quiz back, his first thought was to see the look on your face when he told you his grade.

At the end of class, Eric proudly dangled his quiz in front of your face, he couldn’t contain the smile on his face. 

You saw a large A on the top of the first page and you pulled him into a hug. Before you could regret acting so spontaneously, Eric hugged you back just as tightly. This was the first time you both hugged, but it felt so comforting and you didn’t want to let go. “Wow I’m so proud of you, I can’t believe you’re scoring higher than me.” You said when you finally pulled away.

“I’m coming for your throne.” Eric winked at you.

After consistently doing well in the classwork, Eric realized that he didn’t need help anymore. The tutoring sessions eventually became an excuse to meet you. 

Eric pointed at a problem, his eyes trained on yours, “Can you explain this to me?” 

“Eric, you literally taught me how to solve this.” You giggled.

“Oh, did I? Um...well I forgot. Explain it to me again?” You could never resist Eric’s puppy-dog eyes. The more time you spent with him, the more you realized how cute he was. 

“Graph this equation.” Eric had randomly said one day while you were studying at the library. 

You stared at the equation he wrote and looked back at him with confusion. “How is this relevant to calculus?”

“Just do it.” He whined. 

You reached for your graphing calculator and entered the equation. 

Staring at the shape the equation produced, you were pleasantly surprised to see that it resembled...“A heart?” 

You looked up to see Eric grinning from ear-to-ear, clearly proud that he was able to find this equation.

“Very cute Eric. This is why you urgently needed to meet up today?” You raised an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, that and I needed to talk to you about something else. My coach told me that the improvement in my grades is enough for me to rejoin the team.” Eric started, unsure of whether he should tell you that he didn’t need tutoring anymore. 

“Oh really? That’s great news!” You kept your eyes focused on the paper. You knew that him joining the team would mean your tutoring sessions would have to come to an end soon. “I’m guessing you won’t have time to study anymore.”

Eric knew that he wanted to see you every day, but he didn’t want to pretend that he only wanted to meet you under the pretense of studying. He took a deep breath before speaking. You brought your eyes to meet his when you realized that something must have been up. Eric was never quiet for this long. 

“I was wondering if you wanted to continue meeting up outside of school hours, just us two,” Eric asked hesitantly, waiting for your response. 

Your eyes widened. Was he asking you out? It’s not a complete reach because you two have been spending a lot of time “studying.” You were afraid that you were taking his words in the wrong way. “You want to study outside?” 

“Oh...no, no studying. It would just be us meeting up outside, no calculus.” He looked at the floor. 

“Eric Sohn, are you asking me out on a date?” You asked him. 

“Only if you’re comfortable with that. I’ve liked you for a while and I didn’t really need help anymore but I still want to see you often. I understand if you don-”

You cut off his rambling with a kiss. You resisted the urge to laugh at how red his ears were when you pulled away. “I like you too. Finally you can buy me my long-deserved boba.” 

[mccoymccoymccoy]

Data - “Even though I cannot dream, I feel I must be when I am with you.“

Word count: 1282

Quiet evenings with Data were all you needed to be content. It was quite often that you would find yourself in your boyfriend’s quarters when he was off duty, where you were welcome to simply sit and play with Spot, as you wished. Every time you came in, though, he would bombard you with the same questions after you pressed your routine kiss to his forehead in greeting. A subtle reminder that he loved you, though he would never say it himself.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“No thank you, Data.”

“Would you like some music?”

“No thank you Data, I’m fine- I quite enjoy listening to the sounds your computer makes.”

“I see. Would you like-”

“Data, I’m just here to see you, I’m happy with simply being here.”

Usually followed by a contemplative “ah” and a slight tilt of his head, you’d go back to the main living space to sit on his couch and talk to him from there while playing with Spot. He found it strange at first that you’d be okay talking to him while he was finishing up his work and not physically present, but always found an odd sense of… comfort, upon coming over to sit with you with an arm around your shoulders.

Tonight, however, had been different: When you came in and kissed him hello, he attempted his best smile and stated: “I am almost done, please wait a moment.” At this, a grin spread across your face. A stray from the usual?

“Not gonna ask if I want a drink?” You prodded, teasing. Data, however, did not see that it was a prod, a tease. He looked down for a moment, deep concentration and confusion showing up on his face in a way he wouldn’t have been able to put into words if asked. When he looked back up, however, his face was as expressive as a rock.

“My apologies, Y/N. Based on your prior responses nearly every time I have offered you a refreshment, I calculated a chance of only six percent that you would say yes. And while that is almost always a chance I will take, as I wish only for you to be comfortable and content, today is the exception. Please, sit down, I am almost done with what I am doing.” 

You smiled at him, nodding and starting to back away from the desk. You paused in the doorway, too curious not to ask: “Have you got something planned, Data?” 

He looked up from the computer and gave a slight, but definite nod, along with a slight, but definite, smile. You smiled again, finally leaving to sit on the couch. A few comfortably silent  minutes passed before Spot made her way to you, dashing out from hiding and jumping up onto the couch, then onto your lap. She rubbed against you a few times before settling down, which happened to be the exact moment Data appeared in the doorway. 

“Sorry, Spot, bad timing,” you sighed, picking Spot up and placing her down on the couch as you stood up. Turning back to the door, you found Data right behind you- but moving forward still, crouching down in front of the couch to pet Spot. 

“I have prepared a surprise,” he stated, twisting his head around to look at you. You crouched down next to him. 

“What kind of surprise?”

He tilted his head ever so slightly, and his baby doe eyes could’ve killed you right there. “Is not the point of a surprise to be a… surprise?” 

You grinned, and he stood up, taking your hand to pull you along with him. “Spot, we will be back later. Behave while we are gone.” You couldn’t help but giggle at how seriously he spoke to her, as if she truly understood the meaning of every word. Despite that, you waved goodbye to Spot as the two of you walked out the door.

“I have created a holodeck program for us,” he announced once you made it there. He tapped something into the computer interface and requested his program, then took your hand and stepped inside.

It was breathtaking. The prettiest golden sky hung over rolling valleys to the west, while to the east there was a massive willow tree sat against the edge of a lake that stretched far beyond your field of view. You took your shoes off to see how it felt to walk on the grass, which seemed to be the softest grass you’d ever encountered. 

While you giggled and played around in the grass, Data turned to you. Completely flat and monotone, he proceeded: “Even though I cannot dream, I feel I must be when I am with you. This is a representation of what you remind me of.” He put his hand out again for you to take, and once you did, began walking toward the tree.

You smiled at him. “Data, I love it, it’s absolutely gorgeous. But I must ask, when did you become such a poet?”  He thought for a moment. “I have been studying the art of poetry. I’ve reviewed a wide variety of societies’ most famous poets, while especially focusing on the subject of love. I have found from my studies from Earth’s poetic history that sometimes simplicity is the best way to express your message.”

“Well, that certainly proved true. This is perfect,” you responded as you reached the edge of the lake. You stared at it for a moment while Data disappeared behind you. “Y/N?” You turned to look at him, now sitting against the base of the tree. What you hadn’t noticed from the entrance was a picnic setup: a classic red and white gingham blanket with a little picnic basket sat in the corner, accompanied by two glasses. He very mechanically patted the ground next to him, motioning you to sit, which you did promptly.

“In addition to my poetry studies, I have recently learned that the “picnic” is a common type of date in many cultures. Though I do not require sustenance, I have programmed in my bio-lubricant beverage so I may share this experience with you,” He explained, reaching over for the glasses. This was all so thoughtful, but not at all hard to believe. You knew he had emotions of his own, despite his constant denial of it. You knew he loved you, despite his saying “I can only wish I could.” You took the glass he was handing you, and smiled.

“Data, this is incredible. Thank you so much.” A small smile grew on his face, though if you asked him he again would have denied that. “The pleasure is mine. An idiom, of course, as I do not feel pleasure.”

“Oh, of course!” You giggled and clinked your glass against his before taking a sip- which thoroughly confused him for a minute before he accessed the information for, (“Ah. A custom shared in many cultures as a pretense to sharing a drink with friends or family, usually followed by a toast.”)- then set it down and leaned against his shoulder. It had been a long day, and you were used to just relaxing with him in his quarters before he took over the bridge night shift, not running around on the holodeck. The air was cooler underneath the tree and so close to the water, and you found your eyelids to be a little bit heavier than they were five minutes ago. 

Data watched you closely, moving his arm around your shoulders to let you cuddle closer, which you did just before falling asleep. Though he wouldn’t say he loved you, you knew he did.

[earthstellar]

I think it definitely depends on how a person personally and otherwise may define a "fatherly figure" or "fatherly behaviours" etc.

Like in G1, in the USA, a lot of what Optimus says and does (and how he says and does it) could easily be interpreted by a North American audience as being "fatherly".

For example, the way he makes "dad jokes" here and there, or how he does casual activities with other bots (like playing ball etc.) between missions might come across as an average American 80s suburban dad coming home from work and playing driveway basketball with his kids.

However, like you mention, translation and language/culture can also factor in. If Optimus was called "big brother" in your dub, then of course, he's more likely to come across as a big brother! :)

And it's worth noting most Transformers media is very USA-centric, with implied "dad-like behaviours" that simply don't read as such to other people.

If someone is from a culture where fathers are typically depicted as very prone to displays of physical affection with their kids, then Optimus may not come across as very fatherly in most continuities, since we rarely see him hug others (although it does happen here and there in G1).

I'm focusing on G1 here, so I'm not getting too much into other continuities.

But I think another thing is worth mentioning: Time!

G1 was made by people who grew up in the 60s and 70s, and based a lot of Optimus' "dad energy" on what they considered positive experiences with their own dads and male role models in their youth.

Some staff were fathers themselves, and wanted Optimus to show good, mature, leader-like traits for kids to emulate. Peter Cullen based his performance for Optimus off of his older brother, who was an important figure in his life and captured those positive leadership traits.

As time goes on, generations change, society changes, and what is considered "fatherly" or "mature" or even "masculine" all exists on a sliding scale.

In the 80s, the fun-loving post-WW2 good natured silly but firm father was still the main Dad Archetype in the USA, even though that type of "fatherly leader" character was developed (and for some, experienced) from the 50s-70s.

Oftentimes, that archetype had evolved out of the immediately prior literal WW2 fictional depictions of strong field leaders who were "fathers to their men". Unit leaders acting as fathers away from home for young troops.

This trope was often part of "comfort stories" back home, to reassure families that commanders were looking after their sons at war. (It also helped propagandise the military and improve public perception and empathy for armed forces, coincidentally. Sigh.)

So that history of the archetype is worth keeping in mind; Father doesn't necessarily mean a dad in western (and some other regional) media tropes, but it can also refer to a good commander who looks after the wellbeing of his troops and may even engage in self-sacrificial behaviours if needed to save his troops or his mission.

And that definition of "father" makes a little more sense when thinking about Optimus Prime-- But it's pretty specific to a lot of WW2 English language media and stories which may not have been relevant or culturally applicable in other regions, although almost every country on Earth has some version of the "fatherly military man" archetype.

So compare the sillier, more open G1 Prime to TFP's Prime, made for later generations who mostly grew up with a lot less overall stability in the world (Cold War aside) and which had Gen X staff involved-- Who had different cultural and media tropes in mind, and different (but perhaps similar) ideas of good leadership qualities, etc. when compared to the writers for G1.

Optimus in TFP is about controlled (but very present) emotions, he provides a sense of stability to his team, he is always a present figure, he displays patience and politeness, and generally may embody "dad energy" in a way that makes more sense when compared to both the "father to his men" wartime trope archetype AND the 80s USA Yuppie parent style which the Gen X writers would have grown up with themselves:

TFP Optimus may be emotionally distant or occupied at times, is not physically affectionate, and is often socially somewhat distant as well, but he is professional and a good leader which the Autobots can rely on and the younger bots can look up to and emulate in positive ways.

And to the USA audience, that may come across as more "fatherly" to many people, compared to if he was more engaged. Which is probably somewhat sad, but true.

Growing up Back in the Day lol, I knew tons of kids whose fathers never hugged them and never spoke to them, but would still take a day off work and show up at school to physically fight a teacher if they found out their kid was being bullied in class.

When you grow up with that kind of thing as your social and cultural model for "being a dad", then grow up to write Transformers media, you'll probably end up putting a little bit of that into your interpretation of Optimus-- Because Optimus is supposed to be a positive mostly masculine coded figure of authority, and a lot of people will think of their dads, since that fits the description for a lot of people.

So personally I don't think of Optimus as a father, but I do think of him as a father-like figure to bots who need to see that in him, and otherwise as a compassionate leader. The "father to his men" type of military fiction archetype, rather than a literal dad.

But everyone will have a different take, influenced by a lot of things! :)

The G1 writers captured the vibe of post-WW2 American stability with more of a fun but wise and experienced role model energy for Optimus.

The Gen X writers for later shows grew up in a much more high intensity world with global and domestic politics starting to hit major shifts, so their Optimus tends to be written as a source of silent, stoic stability for the bots who are stuck without a clear future.

It's possible to read "dad energy" into any version of Optimus if someone wants to, but it will vary a lot.

Like I said, I see him as "fatherly" in the "idealised compassionate military role model" way, but for others it varies from series to series, and for others they might always see Optimus as one role or another.

Transformers stuff is written mostly in America by mostly Americans, so some of the "dad vibes" may not translate, or might translate in different ways.

Even to the USA audience, I think it's highly generational and dependent on what one considers to be "fatherly" and in what ways.

It's not that Optimus was ever explicitly written to be dad-like, but rather, what people perceive as dad-like may vary, and some TF media does lean into depicting Optimus as more relatively fatherly while other shows etc. don't.

---

I didn't talk about any other TF media here, but hopefully comparing G1 and TFP sort of helps get across what I'm trying to say! :)

Anyway my lunch break is over now, sorry if any of this is incoherent, not well stated, or repetitive; I typed this all out on my phone LOL

A popular thing I can never get behind in the TF fandom is somehow Optimus is always The Dad Figure TM? None of the continuities I’ve read/watched has ever given me that vibe. Mentor figure, sure. Older brother. That weird cross between older brother and father. The dubbed version of G1 in my country literally has the Autobots calling him “big brother” so I guess that affects my impression. 

Like honestly the closest I can relate to Dad!Optimus is the Optimus in tfp and idw, and that’s more like, a patriarch. A father in the sense kings are fathers to their people. Bayverse OP also falls a little into this category. They care a lot for their Autobots, there’s love and friendship and devotion, but they’re also distanced by the weight of leadership. The duty of Prime (and all the baggage that comes with it), always comes first, before any personal connections. 

The rest: Cyberverse Optimus is def big brother. Tfa OP is a young guy in over his head and trying to herd cats. Wfc OP is vulnerable both physically and emotionally, stubborn but in constant need of reassurance; Bumblebee’s mental state is more stable than his. 

[roach-works]

hey roach! i've gained a bit of an interest in welding due to your tales. do you know much about how a cis girl might fare in that kind of industry? physically and socially?

i don’t know much, unfortunately: i’ve only had three years’ experience in one factory, and that’s as a (closeted) trans man. there are maybe a dozen welders at my factory and i think at the moment there’s only one woman, in another department. from what i’ve heard, the issue is that there just aren’t very many women welders at all. there’s some dismissive ‘women who aren’t super nice to men are mean old bitches’ attitude from the men on the floor that i’ve seen, but i’ve seen that same attitude from men in retail, too.

at one point a woman and a man were being trained as welders from another department and the woman wasn’t kept on because of her ‘attitude’, which is usually a big red sexist flag. but actually i was there for the whole process and it wasn’t an issue of gender bias, it was an issue of she was lazy and rude and spent most of the time she should have been practicing hanging around with other women from her prior department and chatting. the man was much more polite and hardworking and spent the entire training week in his booth practicing hard, so he got the promotion. it was, actually, pretty fair.

as something to also consider, i was hired when i was still legally female and HR knew they were getting a trans man who very much needed for his coworkers not to know i wasn’t cis, and i gotta say, as much as i’ve bitched about the shitty management of my factory, HR has always had my back. they used my chosen name and pronouns the entire time, and switched my paperwork over for me immediately when i told them to once i was legally male. as far as i know, no one i haven’t personally told i was trans has ever known before i told them.

that being said, basically every man who’s ever looked at me has visibly and verbally concluded that i’m very homosexual, and they still treat me fine. and this is in indiana, a fairly conservative area. i’ve only had a problem with maybe one coworker in all three years.

back to the woman thing, there are a lot of women at my factory. not half, sadly, but maybe a third. they install furniture, they do wiring, they haul stuff around, just the same as the men, they’re not just secretaries. while it’s always harder for women to get into male-dominated fields, it’s still worth the effort, because male-dominated fields pay better than female ones. the women who work them seem to have to be a bit tough, a bit aggressive, and get a thick enough skin to keep up with a bunch of men who aren’t exactly malicious, and who often mean well and want to get along with women coworkers... but are definitely not enlightened feminist allies. but also there’s still plenty of sexism going on in office jobs and retail, so. there’s that.

anyway, there definitely needs to be women welders, and all the managers and hirers i’ve ever talked to have always said that they do want to hire more women. there just aren’t enough applicants, they say. maybe it’s a lie, but it’s still worth testing.

also, as much as i complain about the physical strain and the exhaustion, it feels so good to spend my day on my own doing simple, constructive labor with absolutely no customer interaction whatsoever. i am never, ever, EVER going back to retail.

ETA: as for the physical requirement you need to be able to lift (at least) fifty pounds and i was able to build that muscle pretty much before the T kicked in, and i was 5′4″ and maybe 115lb. women can absolutely get fit enough to keep up with men in blue collar jobs, don’t let anyone tell you that’ll be a problem.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Haven Gray

CW: Abducted whumpee, description of missing person, captivity, BBU/WRU

Where Is Haven Gray?

r/FindTheMissing

•Posted by u/bananasare2appealing

3 days ago

In the summer of 20XX, 21-year-old Haven Gray texted family and friends to let them know a second job interview they’d just finished had gone well, and they expected to be offered the job.

They made plans to have dinner with a couple of friends to celebrate, but never showed up to the restaurant. They were reported missing by their parents later that night and have never been seen again.

Hey, everyone, this is my first attempt at a post like this, so I hope you’ll go easy on me! Haven Gray is a kind of a personal case to me, I went to the same high school a few years behind them and there was still a lot of talk about what could have happened and like, their picture is in a memorial frame in the hallway by the principal’s office. It’s just a really important case to me and I hope they figure out what happened to Haven one day.

Haven Gray was the oldest of three children born to Matthew and Maria Gray in the small town of Trenton, Indiana. Tall, with long wavy red hair and gray eyes, they stood out in a crowd in more ways than one.

Haven set records for their high school’s cross-country track team, played well on the school basketball team, and maintained a 3.5 GPA alongside plenty of extracurriculars and an active social life.

They then spent two years attending Trenton Community College, looking to finish out their degree at Indiana State University and go into the human resources field. They kept up a part-time job on the side, but during the summer before they would move to ISU, they decided to look for full-time work to help save up some money.

Haven’s mother Maria was interviewed after their disappearance by local news station INNW as saying that Haven was very excited about finishing up their degree and moving into their first real apartment. 

Haven had seen an ad on a job-hunting website for a receptionist for a temp agency that specialized in placing HR professionals in nearby companies. Seeing a way to get some relevant experience before they finished up their degree, they applied and were contacted for a job interview.

Here’s where things get just a little weird, before they get even weirder.

Haven texted a photo of the strip mall where the job interview was, and noted that the company was not located in a well-maintained place, which made Haven very nervous. The signage also seemed brand new, which conflicted with information on the company website suggesting they’d been in that location for years. 

They waited in their car and called the company phone. Only when someone came out to greet them did Haven go inside for the interview. 

The first interview went smoothly, and Haven excitedly called their friends and family to say a second interview was already scheduled with the owner of the small company. It turned out, they explained, that the creepy location was no longer the company’s main location, and their second interview would be at a different address in a much nicer part of town.

They did not give any explanation, if any was given to them, about the reason for brand new signage if the business was in the process of leaving that address. On the day of the second interview, one week later, Haven’s mother saw them leaving in a deep blue top with satin detailing at the neck and gray slacks. 

They exchanged goodbyes, and Haven reminded their mother they would be meeting friends tonight, either to celebrate a good interview or commiserate over a bad one.

“My comfort,” Maria Gray said in her interview with INNW, “is that I said goodbye and I love you. I have that, at least. So many don’t get that final chance. I just wish I had known it was the last time. I would have looked at them a little longer.”

From here, Haven is seen on camera at their ‘regular’ Starbucks a few moments later, ordering a large (venti) iced latte. An automatic speed-checker camera next to the highway captured their car with license plate clearly visible driving in the direction of the interstate a few minutes later.

Two hours after this sighting, they called a friend, Natalie Morales, to tell her that the interview had gone well and they believed they would be offered the job. Dinner that night, Haven said, would definitely be a celebration. 

They texted three other friends, Maria, and Matthew - as well as a younger sibling. These are the last direct communications anyone had with Haven Gray.

“They didn’t sound scared,” Natalie said in her own interview with True Crime Podcast Now You See Them, Now You Don’t. "Not at all. I’ve thought about it over and over again, trying to ask myself, was there fear there? Had something already happened? And I just don’t think so. I think whatever happened, happened after they hung up the phone. They were excited, said the pay rate was way more than they expected for a receptionist job. The only thing is that they said the guy who interviewed them kind of... gave them the, you know. Made the hair on their arms stand up. You know what I mean? And I thought of that first, when they never... but he has an alibi.”

The man in question is Ladd Prescott, the stated owner of the temp agency Haven applied to. Ladd gave multiple interviews, off-camera and to law enforcement, but he did not leave the office and is seen on in-office security cameras and he is not considered a person of interest in the case.

The final image of Haven’s whereabouts that day comes from the CCTV camera at an ATM for Haven’s bank one hour after the final text message sent to their father Matthew. They are seen pulling up in their car to the drive-thru ATM, where they withdrew $300. 

Notable about this footage is three things:

1. Haven appears to look directly at the camera twice, deliberately holding their gaze maybe

2. Their hair, carefully styled when they left for the interview according to Maria, is noticeably in disarray, and they do not appear to be wearing the same shirt they had on when they left (the footage is super grainy, so this is hard to tell exactly, but if you check here you can see that they appear to be wearing a white t-shirt). 

3. A shadow just behind them moves independently of Haven, gestures a few times, and it appears - and police believe - that someone else is in the car with Haven Gray directing their movements.

Haven never arrived at the restaurant. When their friends attempted to contact them, the phone went directly to voicemail. This was very out of the ordinary for Haven, so friends called Maria and Matthew, who became immediately worried and contacted the police.

Haven Gray officially was listed as a missing person the next day.

Four days later, their car - with IDs, debit and credit card, a book they were reading, and their resume and list of questions from the interview all inside - was located at a nearby riverfront, abandoned. The only thing missing was the $300 in cash Haven had taken out of the ATM, and Haven themself. 

A witness came forward later stating they had seen a man with ashy blond hair who appeared to be in his 40′s or 50′s smoking next to the car the day Haven was last seen. This man has never come forward or been located and his connection to Haven’s disappearance, if any, is unknown.

Law enforcement believes that Haven was abducted within half an hour of finishing their interview by someone who forced their way into the car, and likely directed to the ATM to take cash out and then met someone else or moved into a different car after parking Haven’s at the riverfront. 

Weirdly, the riverfront was checked the day after Haven was declared missing, which suggests someone came back and moved the car after the witness saw the smoking man, then moved it back into place after the initial search of the area was over with.

Cell towers picked up pings from Haven’s phone for four hours afterward, heading due east. The nearest big city would have been Cincinnati, so it’s possible the abductor headed that direction. If they did, though, they took a winding route and Haven’s phone was turned off or discarded before reaching the city. 

Look, I know this is a big conspiracy theory and there’s absolutely no proof, but I think Haven was abducted by WRU. 

Why?

Three weeks prior to their disappearance, Haven attended a bar’s “singles night”. They mentioned to friends later that they connected with a man who worked for WRU as a handler, but then decided they couldn’t handle the reality of what he did and cut off contact before they could have their first real date.

(The handler in question has been cleared during the investigation, but I still have my suspicions)

I know this seems like the flimsiest reason, but Haven’s friends all say that the man was very upset by Haven’s discomfort with his job, tried to keep contacting them for days. I think the job interview is a red herring and it’s this handler guy who is behind it somehow - maybe him, or his friends.

Also, there’s a WRU Training Facility in Cincinnati, Ohio, only a few hours away... and law enforcement never even tried to get a warrant to search there. Easy way to get rid of someone if you did something to them, right?

(I know, I know, WRU has standards and does checks and all that, but seriously. Think about it.)

A year later, improbably, a farmer working to mow the ditch next to his fields found Haven’s cell phone in a ziploc inside a second plastic bag. The phone had been wiped to factory settings and no new useful information was found.

So, where is Haven Gray? 

Were they murdered? Abducted? Will we find their body in a field one day? Were they just dumped in the river next to their abandoned car? Are they part of the WRU system now? No one seems to know, and reported sightings of them in Los Angeles, New York City, and even one mention from Sydney, Australia, seem hard to believe.

Haven’s mother Maria says they have no plans to declare Haven legally dead, and they intend to keep looking “as long as it takes”.

What Are Your Thoughts?

-

WRU NEW ACQUISITION INTAKE FORM FACILITY 005

SUBJECT: 549065

DATE OF ACQUISITION: 06.06.20XX

TIME OF ACQUISITION: 1:45 PM

LOCATION ASSIGNED: FACILITY 005, CINCINNATI, OHIO

PREVIOUS ALIAS: Haven Finley Gray

AGE: 21

DATE OF BIRTH: 07.19.20XX

HAIR: Red

EYES: Gray

HEIGHT: 6′0″

WEIGHT: 153 lbs 

SEXUALITY: Pansexual 

DESIGNATION: Romantic

KNOWN SKILLS: Subject in school for business-related major, excellent with typing, record-keeping, work with Excel spreadsheets, etc. Subject reports regular workouts primarily consisting of long-distance cardio. Subject refused to provide details on sex life but is known to have been active in the dating scene of local area. Subject is known to be gregarious and social.

HOBBIES: Subject mentioned reading as a hobby, with primary interest in fantasy and science fiction. Three books located in subject’s car at time of acquisition. 

KNOWN CONCERNS: Subject is showing some irregularities in heartrate, likely due to fear. No other known concerns. 

KNOWN IMMEDIATE FAMILY: Matthew and Maria Gray, both living, location Trenton, Indiana. Grandparents are deceased.

SIBLINGS: Two younger siblings: Mark, brother, two years younger, and Penny, sister, four years younger. 

METHOD OF ACQUISITION: Involuntary. 

ACQUISITION DETAILS: Access to subject provided by local business. Subject was apprehended without incident by Handler Benjamin Ralford. Subject was given an injection of sedative and transferred to WRU company vehicle at 3:15 pm. The rest of the acquisition proceeded without incident.

ASSIGNED HANDLERS: 

CONTRACT SIGNED: 06.09.20XX 5:55 PM

           PRIMARY: Benjamin Ralford, per request, acting as primary. Handler and Processor, Romantic Division.

           SECONDARY: Melissa Striker, Senior Handler and Processor, Romantic Division

SIGNATURE PROVIDED VOLUNTARILY, SUBJECT NOT SEDATED FOR SIGNING. SUBJECT SHOWED NO VISIBLE SIGNS OF INJURY AT TIME OF SIGNING. SUBJECT REPORTED FEELINGS OF FEAR AND CONFUSION COMMON TO NEW RECRUITS.  

CONTRACT SIGNATURE: Haven Gray, aka 549065

PRESENT AT TIME OF SIGNING: Handler Benjamin Ralford, Badge #3345, WRU Attorney Ryan Alderson. 

ESTIMATED COST FOR TRAINING: $125,000 USD

COMPENSATION TO BE PAID BY PROSPECTIVE:  $500,000 USD 

CURRENT LOCATION: Romantic Division Room #12, post-signing contract

TRAINING PLAN: ALL Positions 1-35, Flexibility, Sensitivity, Endurance, Dance, Socialization

COMMENTS:

I’m going to take every fucking thing out of that head and put back in only what I want to be there. I think they’ll fall in line once the Drip is really working on them. My professional recommendation is total illiteracy should be emphasized before moving on to other training. They’ll do better with focus and commitment on the skills we want to impart that way. I am also recommending absolutely no scarring unless there is no other option. - Benjamin Ralford, Primary Handler

Scribbled at the bottom of the paper and not put in to WRU’s digitized records system is a note in Ralford’s handwriting:

Should’ve gone on that fucking date, asshole

-

@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @whump-tr0pes @raigash @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @eatyourdamnpears @boxboysandotherwhump @vickytokio @whumpfigure @outofangband @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @thehopelessopus @butwhatifyouwrite @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump

[hopefulobjectmiracle]

A quick analysis of the puppy scene in 3x15, because my OTP is perfect.

This is honestly just a whole lot of gushing and flailing, tbh. Because Kurt and Blaine and their relationship are wonderful and I love them so, so much. So much so that I can write paragraphs on a scene that is barely one minute long. 

This somehow ended up being much longer than I intended, oops. Hope you enjoy it :)

We start off this scene with Blaine alone at his locker, presumably putting away his belongings from his last class, and you can still see Kurt’s ‘Gay-diddy-gay-gay-gay’ class council election poster on the inside of Blaine’s locker, even months after Kurt lost the election. But Blaine still keeps it up, because he loves Kurt, and if he had it his way, Kurt would win everything. Awww. He appears to be deep in thought, and when Kurt hides behind Blaine’s locker, speaking in the world’s most adorably terrible British accent, it startles Blaine for a second.

And man, does that make me sad. This is a kid that has been bullied, undoubtedly shoved into lockers and pushed here and there just like Kurt was. He hears an unfamiliar voice and immediately flinches back in fear, expecting the worst. 

But it isn’t the worst - it’s the best. Because it’s Kurt, the person Blaine loves more than anything, hiding behind the locker, and it’s Kurt speaking in that cute-ass accent holding a stuffed puppy in front of his face. 

(Side note - I once read that Chris Colfer improvised the dialogue and accent of this scene, as well as coming up with the name for the puppy, which totally checks out since Chris is a huge Anglophile.)

And as soon as Blaine recognizes his boyfriend, his face breaks out into the sunniest smile, and he does his signature “Kurt-made-me-laugh” move, the blushy head-duck (see here for reference). 

Kurt also looks similarly delighted to see Blaine, because Blaine is lovely and Kurt loves him so, so much, and because he’s also excited to show Blaine the gift he got him and help Blaine out with his problems. Kurt really loves Blaine, y’all. He looks so damn proud of the stuffed animal he got for him and equally proud of his own ability to make Blaine laugh with his clever puns. 

Kurt goes on to explain that Finn won the stuffed puppy while out at the amusement park for Senior Skip Day, along with thirteen others for Rachel, and as soon as he says this, Blaine nods along as if to say - oh, of course, that Rachel - because Blaine is considerate as hell and knows his friends very well. And in honest-to-god Kurt fashion, bb stole the puppy from his brother, because Kurt is the definition of Be Gay, Do Crime, and he also recognizes that Rachel does not need 14 different stuffed animals. 

He pouts a little right then, telling Blaine that he wanted to give it to him so that Blaine would have something, since Kurt wasn’t able to convince Blaine to go with them on the field trip. I wonder how that conversation went. 

Also, pouty Kurt is fucking adorable. Protect him at all costs.

Blaine is melancholy again, telling Kurt that he would have just brought the mood down for the group. And when Blaine says this? Kurt stops beating around the bush and gets straight to the point. 

Sweetly stroking the stuffed puppy, Kurt tells Blaine that he understands him. That he gets that family problems are hard, because they’re hard for him too. He uses himself as an example to try and get his point across to Blaine more effectively, and mentions that he and Finn disagree on nearly everything, but at the end of the day, they love one another and are always there for one another despite their differences. 

I’m also getting so many brotherly Furt feelings from Kurt referring to Finn as “the big lug” and talking about how much he loves him. Ugh. I also cry at the line where Kurt tells Blaine that he only has one brother and shouldn’t give up on that, given what happens to Finn. I wish we’d gotten more of that relationship in canon before Cory’s untimely passing, because they clearly had so much love for one another, both on-screen and off.

Anyway, Kurt sees the love he has with his brother and wants Blaine to be able to experience the same thing, because he loves Blaine so, so much and he thinks that Blaine deserves everything great in this world. He also brings back the cute-ass accent, and upon seeing Blaine look upset, bumps Margaret Thatcher Dog against Blaine’s cheek to get him to smile again - which Blaine absolutely does; his face is bright and sunny again because of Kurt’s silliness. Awww. 

Kurt tells Blaine never to give up, and Blaine indignantly responds that Cooper is the one who is leaving for a big audition. Kurt pauses, and tells Blaine that Cooper hasn’t actually left him yet. He says that Cooper is waiting in the auditorium, hoping that Blaine will come and talk to him and make things right. This line very strongly implies that Kurt and Cooper coordinated this, and that Kurt made an effort of talking to Cooper to try and arrange a meeting with Blaine - because in a matter of mere days, Kurt was able to glean how important their relationship was to Blaine and wanted to do everything he could to fix it. Give him all the boyfriend awards, folks.

I’m kidding. Please don’t start the Better Boyfriend Olympics again, lol.

Blaine huffs out that talking doesn’t actually work with Cooper, and that he’s tried it to no avail. And Kurt just nods knowingly, as if he was aware that Blaine would say that. And though it isn’t explicitly mentioned, I bet he did know. He then goes on to say that perhaps talking isn’t the best answer for Blaine. Maybe there’s something else, a better method of communicating his feelings that would work more for Blaine. 

Okay. You know what this reminds me of? Flash back a year, to Silly Love Songs. This is (perhaps unintentionally) a direct callback to 2x12. Back when Blaine was still crushing on someone who is not Kurt, he said this to the Warblers about his idea to serenade Jeremiah. 

Blaine (2011): I'm not really good at talking about my feelings. I'm much better at singing them.

And here are Kurt’s words, from more than a year later. 

Kurt (2012): Maybe talking is not the answer. Maybe you need to show him how you really feel in the best, most honest way you know how. 

Can I just stop right here and squeal a little bit? Because Kurt knows his boyfriend so, so well. He remembers the things that Blaine tells him, even things from over a year ago. He holds onto this key piece of information about Blaine, because Blaine is important to him and the things he tells Kurt are worth remembering. And here, in this scene, he puts his memory to good use to try and remind Blaine of his most effective and heartfelt form of communication so that he can help Blaine mend fences with his brother. 

GIVE HIM THE BOYFRIEND AWARDS, FOLKS!

Kurt is so, supportive of Blaine and just wants the best for him, and it just boggles my mind when people claim that Kurt didn’t love Blaine as much as Blaine loved him, because from even short simple scenes like this one, anyone can tell that it isn’t true. 

After listening to Kurt, Blaine stops, and for the first time, genuinely considers it. Prior to this, all of Cooper’s attempts at talking couldn’t get through to him. Blaine still felt the jealousy and resentment from all those years growing up. But after hearing Kurt’s advice, he puts that aside and realizes that some things, like family, are more important, and so he makes that decision to go see his brother and try and express his feelings in a different way. 

Blaine turns to go meet Cooper, and Kurt watches him go, looking so damn proud of his boyfriend and so, so hopeful...

Y’all know what happens next. Blaine and Cooper, a pair of brothers, sing a breakup song. Yet somehow, it works. Singing manages to communicate all of those emotions that were suppressed before, and opens the doors for real conversation between the two of them. They do successfully patch things up, with Cooper finally recognizing Blaine’s talent and Blaine trying to support Cooper in future endeavors. They are on a path to a close relationship, which is all both of them had ever really wanted in the first place. 

And if not for Kurt’s advice, this may not have happened. Y’all heard that right - Kurt Hummel helped Blaine patch things up with a member of his family because he knew how important it was to Blaine, and he knew how badly Blaine wanted this even if Blaine didn’t let it show. From all the bits and pieces of information we’ve gathered over the years about Blaine’s family, they don’t appear to be all that close, which is why it’s even more important for Blaine that he is able to reconcile with his brother.

(For more of my thoughts on Blaine’s family, feel free to check out this analysis of mine. Yeah, this is a shameless self promo. Deal with it.)

So...what was the point of this analysis? I’m not quite sure. I suppose I just had a lot of feelings about Blaine, Klaine, family, and the way that Kurt shows love. Like I’ve said millions of times, just because Kurt is more subtle in the way that he shows love to Blaine, doesn’t mean that it’s any less powerful. Scenes like this, in which he handpicks Blaine’s own words and uses them to push Blaine towards something he was too afraid to admit he really wanted? Kurt helping reconcile Blaine with his family? This is Klaine at its best, and scenes like this are why I will always, always ship this couple. 

Kurt and Blaine are incredible, y’all. 

Peace. 

[fireemblems24]

Post Grondor Field AM Analysis

I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm still not sure I can write a good analysis of this scene for two reasons:

1. I don't know what comes after, and

2. I'm very emotionally involved in what happened.

But I tried my best. One thing is for sure though, what happened in Grondor in AM was an incredibly significant turning point for AM and Dimitri and my thoughts and analysis on it will definitely expand as I keep writing about and playing the game.

Part of me is just so happy I got to see Dimitri's supports, have the inevitable turn around, and get to do things like tea and dinner time again that it's hard to be objective about this scene.

And by "this scene," I don't mean that actual fight at Grondor, but everything from Fleche's attack to Byleth's words in the rain later.

It wasn't all about Byleth . . .

Given how poignant Dimitri's character arc has been so far, I had a deep rooted fear player-pandering would ruin it. Byleth, as a concept, isn't bad, but too often the heaps of praise feel underserved and other things (like Claude's intelligence, Edelgard's relationships with everyone else) get ignored to make more room for player-pandering.

Thankfully this did not happen. Byleth, throughout the early chapters of AM's part 2, failed to reach Dimitri. And, honestly, seeing Byleth actually struggle for once has done wonders for how I view her character. Still, I worried that player-pandering-power, rather than something that felt earned, would cause the inevitable eye-opener for Dimitri.

But it wasn't just Byleth. Fleche's vengeance kicked everything off, what veered Dimitri away from his fate in other routes. He accepted his death at her hands, not bothering to defend himself. Rodrigue stepping in the way and his parting words forced Dimitri to confront things he'd ignored. Throughout AM so far, people have posed questions to Dimitri who refused to answer them because he didn't want to face what they asked. But Rodrigue dying for him, spending his final words telling Dimitri to live for himself - combined with Fleche's attack - forced Dimitri to confront things he avoided. It wasn't until after all of that when Byleth steps in.

And Byleth didn't "fix" him either. Dimitri's supports show a young man who's still very much struggling with his mental health, poor self-image, his previous actions, and wondering if he deserves not only to live for himself - but if he even deserves to live. Byleth didn't hand-wave Dimitri's problems away.

Everything about the scene is stronger because it didn't fall back on player-pandering, but more earned, realistic, and dramatic actions and consequences - including Byleth's involvement which felt far more earned than usual because of prior failure.

But I wish Dimitri's friends played a bigger role.

Not everything was perfect though. I wish we got a little more than we did from Dimitri's house mates - especially his childhood friends Sylvain, Ingrid, and extra special mention to Felix and especially, especially Dedue.

Throughout all of AM, none of the above mentioned characters feel utilized to their full potential. This isn't a problem exclusive to AM, and by all means it's far from the biggest offender, but given how close all the ties are in AM, it's felt when it's not there.

I still don't know what exactly I would've done with them. Maybe I'd need to make the game an actual novel to do it, and you can't forget how perma-death has historically held back games at times, limiting major moments to a select few "retreat" candidates.

Still, though, getting a bit more from Ingrid, Sylvain, Felix, and Dedue would've made the scene even more powerful.

I actually really liked the scene in the rain.

I haven't made it a secret that I dislike Byleth. Or maybe disliked is more accurate. Lately I've been rethinking my stance on Byleth, in part because I've heard from people who like her or found ways to make her work and from my own thinking about the game while planning future write ups.

I don't think it's Byleth I really dislike, but the player-pandering. Separating the two isn't easy, but it's easier since I've starting coming around to seeing Byleth as her own character.

There's been a few moments that made me care for Byleth, and this scene in the rain was one of them. Because she didn't just fix everything. She tried and failed for months to reason with Dimitri, and despite everything she never gave up on him or failed to keep offering her hand.

I'm not going to lie. I got all the bubbly, heartwarming, heartbreaking feels the writers wanted me to in this scene. Seeing Byleth reach for something and fail, and then finally, finally get through was rewarding in a way many of Byleth's prior accomplishments aren't because this one felt earned. And by God did she earn it.

Some people will likely disagree with that last point, but I disagree with them. She asked Dimitri hard-hitting questions, forcing him to come to unpleasant conclusions rather than trying to force him into anything. She kept Dimitri from veering to far off course, even at expense to herself when she killed Randolph. She saved Dimitri from Fleche when he refused to save himself. She quietly supported him, coaxing out the good she knew was still there and refused to give up on.

I'd never in a million years say someone in real life should put up with Dimitri's toxic behavior and verbal abuse, even considering his extreme trauma and aggravated mental illness. But seeing someone fuck up so badly still get forgiven, still get supported, still struggle but honestly change for the good, still get loved, start to accept and forgive himself through the power of love and forgiveness from others is very powerful, especially since media so often downplays those "softer" things as weakness in comparison to the "badassery" of ambition and stoicism. Using Byleth, who previously had little experience with feelings, who was encouraged to experience them in healthy ways by Dimitri, return the favor isn't really the worst choice.

It's cliche, but cliches aren't always bad.

The mentor dies. Redemption in the rain. Revenge against the protagonist's actions opens their eyes. Etc . . . This scene was chuck full of cliches, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Tropes serve an important narrative purpose because a writer can rely on them to convey a message to the audience that either saves time or sets them up for something unexpected or even expected. Fire Emblem has always and will always be incredibly cliche and full of tropes. It loves tropes so much there's in-universe ones that make some unit or character discussions sound like a foreign language to people outside of or new to the fandom, talking about "Ests" and calling someone a "Camus."

What matters is if a story pulled something off well, not if it's terribly unique. A mentor dying is powerful because it forces the student to grow. Redemption in the rain is high symbolic of water washing things away + the somber atmosphere rain creates. Someone trying to get revenge against a character provides an eye-opening experience about the ripple effect of their actions. We see these things in fiction all the time because they work.

All the tropes worked like expected in this scene. Using images instead of cut scenes did make less of an impact, but more on that later.

Tl;dr: There's nothing unexpected or terribly unique about what happened. It was honestly painfully predictable, but that doesn't make it bad and is in a series that does this all of the time.

The voice acting carried because those images can't.

A major downside to this scene is that it used vague images instead of a cut scene. I get that budget and time were likely concerns, but many cut scenes from earlier in the game seem rather trivial. Did we really need that dance one? Really? I don't think so.

This was a hugely important, action heavy moment. Using one or two still images to convey everything that's happening and all those emotions, really makes it less than it could've been.

That said, the voice acting saves it. I've raved about how amazing Chris Hackeny is as Dimitri, so nothing new here. Rodrigue's and Fleche's VAs also did a fantastic job. No one oversold or undersold the emotions. Even without the cut scene, you felt what happened thanks to the skill of the actors. This scene would've been so much harder to engage with without them, if this was an older FE game where all you got was text. This is 100% one of the moments highly elevated by the decision to have a fully voiced game and choosing high caliber talent (let's not talk about Radiant Dawn's voice acting).

Questionable support timing.

One issue I had came right after the scene when I viewed Dimitri's supports. The nature of some - like his with Raphael and Alois - didn't quite line up with the character I saw in dialogue right after. I wish they staggered them a bit more or got picker about what you could get in part 1 or 2.

This isn't limited to Dimitri either. In the same support batch, I also got a Marianne B support where she still had no confidence or self-worth. And then like 10 minutes later I talk to her in the monastery and she mentions about how seeing all the death in Grondor made her value her life even more.

In the past, I've also received entirely valid opinions that Dorothea in part 2 is hard to understand because she's cherry and flirty in her supports, and morose and hates the war in her monastery stuff, making her seem inconsistent.

It's a bit jarring. It's not really an issue for characters who don't change much like Edelgard or Raphael, but even for characters with more subtle differences than Dimitri, Marianne, and Dorothea - like, say, Lorenz - you get a lot of weird stuff because of supports. I just think Dimitri's stands out because he's a main character with a really prominent, important turning point for his growth.

[ultraviolet-techno-ecology]

hey could you explain what radical psychology is/where to start learning about it? bc it sounds rad as hell! and also have a great day!!

"Radical therapy is any of the following: organizing a community to seize control of he way it's run; helping a brother or sister through a crisis; rooting out our own chauvinism and mercilessly exposing it in others; focusing on the social dimensions of oppression and not on "intrapsychic" depression, fear anger and so on; organizing against the war, against polluting industries, against racist practice; developing a political/therapy center for young people; teaching students psychology like it is; refusing to be manipulated and co-opted by the sweet sucky pigs who heap praise on your head like garbage while they root their snouts in your guts."

This quote is from an editorial in a 1970-1972 paper called The Radical Therapist which was written predominantly by and for professionals in the field of psychology at the time.

Contextually a year later the Rosenhan Experiment would take place. It was an experiment designed to see if psychiatric hospitals could differentiate between real patients and fake ones sent in. Upon being admitted the fake patients were instructed to show no other signs of mental illness, but to simply act normally.

On average it took nineteen days for the patients to be released. All of which were given professional diagnoses – usually bipolar or schizophrenia – and every fake patient was forced to admit having some mental illness and agreeing to take antipsychotic medication.

After the results were published, a hospital administration challenged Rosenhan to send more fake patients promising they would be able to detect the fakers. The hospital believed about 20% of the new patients were fakers sent by Rosenhan – but in reality he had never sent any at all.

--------------------------

With some historical context out of the way – Radical Psychology can be contextualized as the rejection of the dualistic notion of mind/body wherein the unobservable mind is said to have genuine illness. Keyword here is Illness. Without addressing the real-world material concerns and stressors of the individual, we cannot say that the condition is entirely “In Their Head”

Radical Psychology does not deny suffering. It does not deny that there are neurological conditions which can have emotional or cognitive effects. About ten years prior to the above Thomas Szasz wrote a book title The Myth of Mental Illness. It can be summarized as such.

#1: If a condition is an illness of the brain, it is by definition neurological and should be studied as any other neurological condition.

#2: If we do not attempt the change the living conditions of the patient for the better, then we cannot say that their problems are inherent to the individual.*

#3: Since we cannot observe the inner workings of a person’s mind, the suggestion that there is a distinct condition is irrefutable. (Ex: I say your problems are due to your relationship with your father. How do you prove that I’m wrong?)

#4: Many patients are actively harmed by clinical methods, and treatments are often seen as successful when the patient is compliant rather than happy or feeling better. (Remember this was written in ‘61.)

*This in particular would be the foundation of Marxist Psychology which emphasized the class nature of psychology in concept and clinical practice.

Many of the ideas behind Radical Psychology remain relevant to this day. Particularly with the recent revival of interest in psychoanalysis – that is the subject of Freud, Jung, and so on. 

When we say the majority of LGBT people struggle with depression: we are still saying that the majority of LGBT people have something wrong with them. It is still the suggestion that the majority of LGBT people have something inherently wrong with how they perceive, or emotionally respond to the world at large.

Chronic Illness is another particular cutting example in the current year. Patients coming into a practice looking for pain management are often met with the suggestion of seeing a psychologist, with the implication that even pain from an objectively observable injury or illness is at least partially fabricated in the mind of the patient.

(I’ve personally had to actively fight off a General Practitioner who attempted to diagnose me with Depression multiple times even after I went to a psychologist who wrote her a letter clarifying that I did not suffer from Depression. A diagnosis which was only used to deny me treatment for other medical conditions – and which mysteriously kept appearing in my records AFTER I had it formally removed with the help of a very kind psychiatrist. Speaking from experience the standards for which a person may be diagnosed with a mental illness is shockingly low.)

Radical Psychology is the demand that we do better. It means separating the real neurological conditions from the bullshit designed to instill social conformity and acceptance of oppression. It means actually taking the study replication crisis seriously. It means admitting antidepressants currently have success rates so low they wouldn’t be approved for non-psychological conditions. It means admitting that the active elimination of oppressive systems will do more for the mental well being of the oppressed than any amount of mindfulness.

[oumakokichi]

Welcome back!!! I’m not sure if you’re taking any requests regarding analyses/meta, but if you’re looking for any ideas/when you have the time, do you mind doing a character analysis on Shuichi Saihara? I understand that he’s the main character but there is a lack of analyses about him. Although there are few, most explore his role as a protagonist/relationships with the others rather than digging deep into his character/personality. I just feel like there is more to him.

Hi anon, thank you so much! I’d be happy to write a character analysis for Saihara. I’m pretty sure I wrote some pieces specifically about his character back in the day, but those are all pretty old by now, and there’s definitely so much to talk about with his character.

Obviously discussing Saihara in-depth will cover spoilers for the entire game, so be careful when reading!

It’s interesting that you bring up the fact that Saihara tends to lack more character analyses, because I feel like this is kind of the result of a few different factors. First of all, there’s the fact that he was never originally advertised as the game’s protagonist. I know that the bait-and-switch with Kaede left many people conflicted; even years later, I see a lot of people saying that while they like Saihara a lot, they would’ve preferred for Kaede to live, or that they still don’t know quite how to feel about his role as a protagonist as a result.

Combine that with the fact that Saihara is simply so different in his role in the game than either Naegi or Hinata were, and I think this leaves a lot of people either uninterested in analyzing him as an individual character or unclear of where to start. Ndrv3’s themes as a whole are such a drastic departure from the Hope’s Peak arc of the first two games that Saihara himself sometimes tends to get overlooked, despite the fact that I firmly believe no one would have worked better as the protagonist of the game precisely because of these very different themes.

This itself is an interesting proposal, because at the same time, I also believe that ndrv3’s cast had the biggest potential for every single character to be the “protagonist” of their own narrative. Not only is this just straight-up alluded to with the reveal that Kiibo was actually the audience proxy, and therefore the “protagonist” through which most of the audience were experiencing the killing game in chapter 6, but we even get brief playable moments with both Maki and Himiko, further driving home the narrative that these characters all had the potential to be the main character. You could even argue that the abundance of ahoges in the ndrv3 cast is a tongue-in-cheek joke about how many people must have had “protagonist syndrome” when auditioning for the show.

But having a cast full of potential main characters still doesn’t negate the fact that Saihara was simply the best choice possible for the protagonist of ndrv3 specifically. I don’t believe we would’ve had nearly the same experience without viewing most of the events through the lens of his inner narration and character growth, and that his specific role in the story as the detective was the perfect way to encapsulate the game’s themes of truth and lies.

Let’s begin by discussing Saihara’s actual personality: he’s timid, riddled with anxiety, and incredibly prone to doubting himself and his own abilities. These traits are at the core of his arc of character development throughout the story, as he constantly struggles with his own feelings of inadequacy and lack of self-worth despite being the most vital contributor to everyone’s survival in the class trials.

Even before he’s revealed to be the true protagonist of the game, these traits are incredibly easy to see from an outside lens. By playing as Kaede, however briefly, we nonetheless get a good look at what Saihara is like even in chapter 1; his lack of self-esteem and debilitating issues with anxiety and doubt are, if anything, even more noticeable when put into such stark contrast with Kaede’s optimism, self-confidence, and attempts to bolster the group into working together and believing in one another.

In fact, it’s through Kaede that we first get a glimpse of Saihara’s backstory, and slowly come to understand that his timidity and anxiety are largely shaped by his past trauma. Saihara feels personally responsible for ruining a man’s life after accidentally uncovering the truth of the man’s crimes, then later learning that he was attempting to get revenge on the person who murdered his entire family. The knowledge that he not only ruined this man’s attempts at revenge, but that this person actively hates him with a passion, has left Saihara emotionally scarred and deeply afraid of even maintaining eye contact with others.

As simple as this little bit of backstory is, I really love it in all of its presentation, because even in chapter 1, it begins to paint a much clearer picture of what Saihara is like. His inability to say no to people and attempts to please everyone begin to make a lot more sense knowing that he is incredibly afraid of being hated or blamed by other people. His reluctance to come into his own as a detective or acknowledge his obvious talent makes perfect sense knowing that he can never fully “bring justice” to a number of crimes, and that his job is by definition one that sometimes makes other people miserable by shedding a light on the truth—even when, sometimes, it might be better to leave the truth covered up.

This established backstory also immediately sets Saihara apart from previous protagonists like Naegi and Hinata, by first shaping him into a separate character who we get to know in chapter 1, and only later re-introducing him as the actual protagonist of the game. This isn’t to say that Naegi and Hinata don’t have established character flaws, or that we don’t know anything about their life prior to the killing game. But these two are very clearly set up to be more of the “everyman” protagonist than Saihara ever was: characters who the reader can insert themselves into by some degree, and whose primary traits tend to revolve around feeling “average” or “mundane” in a way that your typical reader will usually relate to much more quickly.

This makes sense for the Hope’s Peak arc shared by both dr1 and sdr2. These games in particular are centered around the narrative of a “talent-driven society” where only the most talented, elite in their field are rewarded with entry into the “best school in the country”—a narrative that is no doubt supposed to be commentary on Japan’s extremely competitive academic system and society in real life.

With Naegi, we see perhaps the best example of a truly average, normal person thrust into a group of these whacky elites. We trust Naegi almost instantly as a protagonist, specifically because his lack of any particular superpower-like talent makes him more relatable to the reader. And his contributions to the trials and eventual friendships with the other students are meaningful precisely because they prove that you don’t need these incredible talents or make outstanding contributions to society in order to be a fundamentally good person who helps others and forges real, genuine bonds with people.

Hinata’s narrative takes this idea of averageness among “the elite” and takes it a step further in terms of narrative complexity: not only does Hinata lack any sort of talent or trait that would make him stand out, but specifically because of this, he desperately craves a talent of his own. Hinata is incredibly easy for readers to relate to as someone who, in a competitive society where talent is everything, feels useless and meaningless without an elite-level talent of his own. This struggle with identity and self-worth in a talent-driven society is something that most readers will also have experienced on some level, and so makes Hinata instantly relatable and likable for most people.

Which takes us back to Saihara—again, I want to stress how different the setup for his backstory and even his personality are from our previous two protagonists. Saihara isn’t meant to be a self-insert for the reader, or instantly identified with the same way Naegi and Hinata were.

Even other bits and pieces of his backstory and home life, which we learn from his FTEs with Kaede in chapter 1, as well as portions of their salmon mode together, show how incredibly eccentric Saihara is compared to the other two. Saihara doesn’t come from what one might call a “typical home life.” He’s estranged from his wealthy, celebrity parents, and lives with his uncle, who is also a detective. His FTEs reveal that he’s spent his time wrestling alligators and, to put it nicely, being a huge weirdo for most of his life. He’s not our “everyman protagonist” by any means; he’s yet another whacky Danganronpa character who happened to be thrust into the protagonist spotlight through his role as a detective.

In short, Saihara is not what most people would expect from a protagonist in any story, let alone a DR game. He’s certainly not the “everyman,” between his established backstory and somewhat eccentric home life. And he doesn’t have the usual set of traits most people would expect from a protagonist, either. Unlike Naegi and Kaede, who are by and large optimistic, cooperative, and somewhat confident in themselves, or Hinata, who is assertive and forward-thinking, Saihara is… extremely pessimistic, anxious, and lacks any confidence in himself whatsoever.

And yet, in spite of all this, I think many people can and do relate to Saihara. I know I certainly do. Having a character who explicitly struggles with issues like anxiety and depression, not only as the result of the killing game itself (which would understandably fuck anyone’s mental health up irreparably), but even before entering the game, is something I absolutely love about ndrv3. Saihara is hardly the only character to struggle with these issues within the DR franchise, or hell, even just within ndrv3 itself, but it’s hard to ignore how textually canon his depression is when he spends multiple scenes in chapter 5 lying in bed and thinking, “there’s no reason to live, there’s no reason to live” over and over again.

Saihara’s specific set of character traits may set him apart from the “average” reader, but for people who struggle themselves with mental health and self-worth, I think his character hits close to home in a very different way. Over and over again, throughout the narrative, Saihara is called “weak”—by the people around him and even by himself. This “weakness” is a fundamental part of his character that simply wasn’t there with Naegi or Hinata; while the two of them were certainly considered “average” in one way or another, they were never described as “weak” or “lacking what it takes to survive” the way Saihara consistently is.

And it’s true, on some level, that Saihara is what most people might consider “weak.” At the very least, he’s dependent: quick to latch on to anyone who shows him even the slightest sign of affirmation or support, reluctant to admit to his own talent or take credit for his own accomplishments, and unsure of whether he can actually meet other people’s expectations without some kind of helping hand or support.

We see him immediately grow attached first to Kaede, then later to Momota, constantly seeking out a larger, more charismatic personality to hide behind. He’s so unsure of himself that he would rather let other people who he sees as “more likable” or “more crucial” to the group get all the attention and the spotlight; we see this lampshaded somewhat in chapter 4, when everyone nonetheless begins to single him out as the main reason they’re still alive, and he’s clearly baffled and uncertain as to how to reply to the praise and recognition.

Even what little we see of his pregame self from his audition video fits within this framework. Despite a lot of fan portrayals of pregame Saihara (often called “Inchara” or “Kagehara” in a lot of Japanese fanworks) as someone undeniably “evil” or “irredeemable” for actively wanting to participate in a killing game… in the end, all we really know about him is that he is desperate to die. He talks about wanting to kill people, yes, but the emphasis is placed on how much thought and effort he put into his own execution. Even before entering the killing game at all, we can clearly see that Saihara went in with the specific intention of dying.

He wants to play a detective if at all possible, but it’s clear that he’s desperate, nearly feverish, at the idea of “being a part of the world of Danganronpa” at all, in any capacity. This obsession itself feels like a form of unhealthy attachment, and is a clear sign that he (and most of the participants, if we’re reading between the lines) is so damaged and downright suicidal that he views getting 15 minutes of fame on his favorite TV show as the absolute best way to go out. In a word, he’s still “weak,” long before becoming the fictional character version of “Shuuichi Saihara,” and it’s this weakness that Tsumugi herself says she wanted to encapsulate in the show, by making him “weaker than anyone else.”

It’s this “weakness” that I honestly love best about Saihara’s entire character. Because while a large part of his character arc is certainly about becoming stronger and more confident in himself, it’s also a fact that his “weakness” never explicitly goes away. His depression isn’t just magically cured by the end of the story, and he doesn’t wake up one day deciding that his struggle with suicidal thoughts or feelings of worthlessness are over. If anything, chapter 6 ends with a huge subversion of this “magically cured” trope in most fiction, by having Saihara embrace his own weakness as something that actually helps him arrive at a third option when presented with the seemingly black-or-white choice of “hope vs. despair.”

Saihara is, as he admits himself, “weak.” He’s unable to choose the forward-facing optimism that “hope” represents in the killing game—moreso if that “hope” only contributes to the cycle of the killing game itself, enticing people into wanting to see more and more of it. But he doesn’t pick “despair” either, exactly. His inability to choose between this forced dilemma is specifically because he realizes how sick and cruel it really is, and empathizes all the more deeply with the suffering he and his classmates went through. It’s this “weakness” of his that allows him to really put into words how much pain they all went through, and how their pain matters, regardless of whether they’re fictional or not.

It’s an incredible moment in the game, and probably the point at which he became my favorite protagonist in the DR franchise, as well as one of my favorite characters in the series overall. Saihara’s character arc, unlike Naegi and Hinata, was never about “moving forward” or “choosing hope.” He says himself that he’s not the kind of person who can simply make a choice like that. Rather, his arc is about toeing the grey line between “truth” and “lies.”

As we mentioned earlier, Saihara is a detective. In any mystery novel, a detective’s role is to seek out the truth and expose it, no matter how tragic or upsetting the outcome might be. So it’s interesting, then, that by the end of the game, Saihara ultimately comes to understand and even value the concept of “lies.” For someone who knows exactly how painful the truth can be, and who is unable to simply live life optimistically in spite of that truth, the recognition of “gentle lies” told for the sake of helping someone cope, of finding meaning in an otherwise meaningless or cruel life, is incredibly important.

Unlike the Hope’s Peak arc, which sort of placed “hope vs. despair” as some very black-or-white battle with a clear winner (even when some aspects of the series, like dr3, also sort of suggest the idea that it’s an ongoing cycle that keeps repeating itself), there is no real battle or winner between the concept of “truth and lies.” In the end, both are equally important. Saihara both embraces his role as a detective and acknowledges the power that the truth has on people, while simultaneously acknowledging that lies (and therefore fiction) also has power and can be used to influence people and even inspire the world.

This character development is just absolutely fantastic to see, after watching Saihara struggle with so much pain and grief over the course of the game. Seeing a character actually acknowledge the importance of “lies” and “fiction” precisely because of how important of a motivator it can be to depressed, broken people is incredibly satisfying, and not something we often get in most stories. The fact that Saihara is so undeniably “weak,” that he isn’t the type of character you would usually expect to live to the end given how suicidal and deeply traumatized he is, makes his survival at the very end all the more of an uplifting message.

You don’t need to be “cured” to find a reason to live. You don’t have to magically wake up with the most positive, forward-facing outlook in life. You can be “weak” and depressed and hurting inside, and in the end, you still deserve to live, and have the opportunity to find meaning in your own life, whether it’s through truth or fiction.

This has gotten pretty long by now, but I hope I could make it clear exactly why I love Saihara so much. I understand people’s dissatisfaction with the protagonist-swap, and while I perfectly understand that he isn’t for everyone, he’s still a fantastically written character in my opinion, with a wonderful and meaningful arc of development that really resonated with me, as someone who also has struggled with similar mental health issues. I think the decision to do something extremely different from Naegi and Hinata was an excellent decision, and while I still love both of them as characters in their own right, Saihara is just so compelling both as an individual character and the protagonist of ndrv3.

Thank you for the question anon, and thank you to those of you who read to the end! I hope I could offer a decent character analysis!

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person. 

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect. 

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization. 

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head. 

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice. 

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too. 

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think. 

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby. 

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it. 

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency. 

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits. 

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you. 

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn. 

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past. 

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation. 

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write. 

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese. 

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting. 

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗