#which means I need to clean first
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I've always wanted to do one of these!
For someone who loves Donnie the most there's an awful lot of Leo...hmm.
Anyhow, I know december isn't over yet but I'd like to use this moment to just appreciate rise of the tmnt and all of you who encouraged me to keep drawing!
I'm going to work hard and improve next year! I'd like to learn animation and become better at dynamic poses and colouring~
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#my art#I will also do my best to tag stuff better....#2023 art overview#ok time to decorate my home for christmas....#which means I need to clean first#uuuugh
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I LOVE UR BRAIN SO BAD ššš YOU ALWAYS POST THEBBEST HEADCANONS AND THOUGHTS LIKE. WORK HUSBAND GOJO. AND JUST HAVING A WHOLE IMAGINATION OF THE OFFICE W NANAMI AND HIGURUMA AND TOJI I?????? I WANT TO LIVE IN YOUR BRAIN
TEEHEEEE youāre so sweet <33333 the work husband to actual husband to househusband gojo pipeline is so so real to me and the office au that comes with it truly does take up space in my brain, so hereās some more loosely established pointsĀ
satoru has been your work husband since you got your first job in undergrad. you two met in your dorms, and became friends, and eventually you thought a job would help with your time management skills, so you got a very low-maintenance position at the front desk of the library. satoru applied right after you and schmoozed the two little old librarians into giving him the same shifts as you. that was probably the first moment satoru knew he was a little bit in love with youābecause he had no reason to have a job while in school, but this small change in your schedule made him miss you so much that he was moved to get his very first job, probably ever, just to spend more time with you.Ā
he wasnāt bad at his library receptionist job, but he technically wasnāt good at it, either. if a student asked him for a laptop charger or to check out a book or something, he could do that, but anything else heād just smile and say, āoh, youāve gotta ask the pretty girl right there about that, she knows way more than me,ā and bat his eyelashes at you. except, then, when you did need to get up to grab something for someone, satoru would just spring up instead, and tell you heās got it. itās likeā¦ he was incapable of helping anybody else unless he got to flirt with you, and then help you out to help them outā¦ā¦ā¦ strange boyĀ
anyways, satoru makes it a habit to assist you through your student jobs throughout undergrad, and then follows you to the same law school and repeats the process there. (also not to elle woods-ify him a bit but his father heavily questions him going to law school btw because satoru has never showed any interest in working, let alone following in his footsteps to be a lawyer, and now heās going to law school? his mom is a bit sharper though, because when satoru tells his parents heās going to the same law school as you, she just smiles and sips her tea and wonders if her son has already made a trip to their family jeweler).Ā
the firm is large, but the floor you work on is a pretty close knit group. thereās hiromiās office at the tail end, which is the largest because heās managing partner and he practically lives in there. on the other end, both you and nanami have decently sized offices. satoru doesnāt like hiromi at first because he thinks heās mean. then satoru watches him play a little prank on kento, and suddenly the two of them are best friends.Ā it would be a surprisingly wholesome friendship if their common denominator wasnāt irritating kento, and acting as guard dogs for you.Ā
kentoās office used to be just the bare necessitiesālaw books, his degree, basic furniture, maybe a fancy paperweight, until satoru got his hands on it and decked it out. which is not something kento asked for, nor he thinks is necessary, but that doesnāt stop satoru from continually adding little trinkets and decorations and art to his office to make it livelier. when kento first meets you, heās surprised when you tell him satoru gojo is going to be your secretary because kento interned for satoruās father for two summers during law school, but when kento sees you and satoru together for the first time, it answers all of his questions. satoru couldnāt be more of a lovesick fool if he tried.Ā
listen the ex-convict to single father to janitor to lawyer toji pipeline is so real to me. while toji is working as a janitor at the firm, satoru slips once and then jokes that toji shines the floors too aggressively on purpose to make him slip, toji tells him to fuck off and he can sue for harassment. they truly donāt like each other at first, but once satoru steals tojiās masterkey to get into your office one night after youāre gone to leave flowers, and handle some paperwork to lighten your load in the morning, toji is sort of impressed. he still almost hits him with a broomstick, but even someone as gruff as him can see that satoru had pure intentions. toji is a lot of things, but heās not immune to or devoid of love or passion. so, eventually he and satoru develop a weird sort of banter and respect for each other. one day someone actually tries to accuse toji of not putting the wet floor sign down and how itās gonna be a lawsuit because some lowlife janitor fucked up his $3000 suit. satoru catches the argument as heās heading upstairs and recognized the schmuck as the stuck up lawyer on the other side of kentoās case. satoruās ready to jump in, but tojiās displaying an impressive amount of physical restraint and legal knowledge that when the dust is all settled, satoru asks him if he ever considered being a lawyer. toji laughs at it at first, but after a month of serious consideration (and megumi becoming a college freshman), he figures it canāt be all that bad. and turns out, tojiās a half-decent lawyerāonce youāve spent so much of your life skirting (or blatantly breaking) the law, you become pretty good at getting people out or around it, too.Ā and with his life experience, heās a pretty good judge of character; so when it comes time to lock up the bad ones, toji makes sure they get the maximum sentence.
except he has a bad habit of sending out emails with āURGENT: NEEDS ATTNā in the subject, which prompts you, kento, and hiromi to rush to his office, just to see toji with his feet up on his desk tell you that, āthe emergency is i hate the opposing counsel, and now that i work on this side of the law iād really like to not kill him, so somebody else should take this case.āĀ
anyways back to work husband secretary satoru. he pulls you out of boring meetings under the guise of an urgency, just for him to admit that the emergency is that he missed you, and you two were gonna be late for your lunch reservation. because heās actually a licensed attorney, he can actually carry out duties an associate otherwise would, which saves you a lot of time and trouble; and it means that satoru gets to work even more closely with you, which is always an upside for him. sometimes you ask him to hand you documents and instead he just hands you his hand. and then pretends to blush and preen like a schoolgirl which always draws way too much attention to the two of you, but thereās no way to stop him either. he takes your coat off of your shoulders when you arrive in the morning, and helps you put it back on in the evening. when you tell him youāre looking for an apartment closer to the firm, he has eight places lined up for viewing, and one surprise at the end which happens to be the other vacant penthouse suite in his apartment building; which, conveniently, would make you satoruās neighbor. he claims that itāll be just like in college, but it certainly doesnāt feel that way when you finally move in and satoru can now loudly and proudly proclaim, āsee you at home!ā in the halls at work now.Ā
#answered#that was a lot..... sorry this universe is so vivid to me#maybe i should rewatch suits..............#tho the first time you actually go on A Date with a real dude nothing work related satoru crumbles#he's so quiet at work for the entire day everyone thinks he must be sick or something#the day after your date he's sort of back to normal but something is off.... you don't bring up the date tho so he takes that a good sign#for him at least bc if u have nothing to say u must not have found him all that interesting righ t#but then you briefly mention a second date and now satoru has to get serious#and by serious i mean dig up everything there is to possibly dig up on this guy#way past public records he's calling favors as the DA's office he's calling his dad he's calling moles in the police. if this dude is gonna#be serious about you then he better be squeaky clean#except satoru 100% gets caught by kento who tells him that he needs to stop digging up dirt on ur date#which makes satoru pout and whine but whatever he'll drop it (only bc kento reminds him that if You find out ur gonna be Pissed)#then he really goes back to being himself but 10x#arm around your shoulder driving you everywhere himself introducing himself to ur date with the most smug grin on his face#it doesnt take long for this guy to get uncomfortable/ask you whats up with you and satoru and in the end satoru drives him away anyway#he might not be able to confess to you but he sure can keep everybody else away#besides theres only so many hours in the day u should focus on the important things: him and work š#jjk x reader#satoru x reader#lawyer au#satoru.ask
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finally got the new desk set up in my room and cleaned out my dresser nd closet (had barely touched anything in there for Literal Years cuz of how much of a mess they were). feels surreal
#we still gotta figure out a new chair situation cuz the one ive been using#is Not Good its this awful office chair my dad had since before i was even born and its the most uncomfortable thing ever#also theres still a lot in my room that needs to be cleanedā¦ā¦.namely everything on top of the dresser XD#nd i gotta sort out a lot of my closet still ive been using it to store all my art n stuff for years its piled up so much stuff#that ive been meaning to get more organized AND scanned since its just. so much theres no real way i could take all of it#whenever i end up moving out.. i want to be able to still look back on it even if its not all physical#i found some goofy stuff while throwing out these old binders frm middle school i might post em#inquisitivewaltz.txt#realizing as im typing this out its a little. silly that this feels like such a big accomplishment#my rooms been fucking disgusting and an absolute mess for years now and im not very good at taking care of. well anything#so little stuff like this feels sorta relieving like. im kind of getting my life together in some sorta way#idk#oh wait also we didnt end up having to move as much as originally expected which im#pretty happy about i was really reluctant abt getting the new desk purely cuz itd completely alter the layout of my room#ā¦.which isnt very good rn but i didnt want to have to deal w the new thing i know for a fact what my parents had planned wouldve been worse#also the new desk has shelves so have more room to put shit and itll hopefully be actually more organized instead of#just throwing things onto my dresser and forgetting it even existed in the first place becuz it gets completely buried by everythint else
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#today i suddenly remembered that dress + tshirt is a combination that exists and allows you to wear summer dress in winter + not get cold.#really cool innovation.#today i am going to lidl then cleaning out my food cupboard well my one shelf in my shared cupboard then im going to draw hopefully#and because i did some revision yesterday i don't need to do much in the way of studying today which is good because the questions are exce#based and my screen time over the past few days has been diabolical and my eyes are crying and might explode if i look at a computer today#so im going to try to be hashtag offline today.#< says this while literally on tumblr#if i put some red in this outfit id be very sofad core actually. noted for future reference#anyway happy sunday everypony#^ there's a typo up there i meant excel#we worked on paper last semester but now we're doing some accounting on excel i was worried at first like oh nooo i have to learn a new#program but then i remembered im literally a gamer.not the best gamer it has to be said but i mean i 100% pw on the psp so i think i can#s rank microsoft excel.
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I will not start a project with denim when I've been awake for 19 hours. I will not start a project with denim with I've been awake for 19 hours. I will not start a project with denim when I've been awake for 19 hours. I will not-
#repetitive text;#manic posting;#i remembered in hs when i'd spend my manic nights writing somg lyrics in sharpie on my arms and legs and jeans#and then had the idea to stitch/embroider lyrics into said jeans bc i was PRETTY sure i still had them bc they were ny favorite and#idr them wearing out. but APPARENTLY not. i looked everywhere short of digging out the closet i've wanted to for a month#but that's got years worth of chewy boxes broken down amd stacked in front of it bc i am a disaster#(i mean to recycle them. that never happened. at this point i'll just put them in thw dumpster. when i get around to getting them out of#the corner and down the stairs#i took my meds at least (not the tegretol. i don't want to intentionally kill my first proper manic episode in /so/ long)#BUT i was then thinking about canabilizing old jeans to create the cut i loved about the old ones (but half what i loved was texture)#and then embroidering that#but my last manic project with denim left my fingers so fuckin bloody#bc manic me can and will not use a sewing machine and thimbles get in my way#and that was. back in 2013-2015. wish i still had that. never wore it bc course not.#i also don't have the manic project of the L (death note) inspired Lolita skirt#think theu both stayed in NC#man i left all the good shit in NC#but yeah like. to say nothing of the fact that ostensibly the roommate will be home and wanting to sleep at some point#and manic me and headphones are fucking rivals#manic me has a lot of beefs#it's almost like (and this might shock you) i'm manic!#(i promise i'm trying to go to bed at this point)#(it's bed or cleaning my room or denim project and i would like SOME sleep if i'm gonna do either)#(to say nothing of i need to do 3 expert roulettes in XIV and can you imagine that shit after literally not sleep?)#(mania will NOT save my ass from micronapping)#personal;#i'm so sorry for anyone actually reading all these posts and tags#but! if you are! welcome to my oversharing corner <3#also i am still planning on helping a friend clean and assmeble a chair tomorrow#which! mania is good for! i can clean! i love cleaning when manic! (my OCD ramps up when manic)
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One of the many hills Iāll die on is my defense of the Girl Scouts if you hear the āgirlā in Girl Scouts and immediately assume āwell, clearly all theyāre teaching them is how to bake cookies and manage a household and become a good wife and mother who stays home and cooks and cleansā then that shits on you yeah some troops arenāt going to be as good as others it all depends on the leadership and resources available but that doesnāt negate the fact that at itās core it is there to teach young girls valuable skills and it can provide unique opportunities and a nice community for people who may need it
#like. my experience wasnāt even the /best/#I wasnāt bullied by the other girls by any means but I also wasnāt liked I was just. there and kinda outcast from them#and my troop was on a military base we didnāt have a lot#but we still did fun arts and crafts projects and we went camping ALL the time#I wasnāt allowed to do much of anything so it was a chance to get out of the house#and spend time with people my age outside of school#even the cookie selling is often used to teach about managing money and businesses ect#and lots of people get experience with first aid and STEM projects in it#when my sister was signing up after we moved they were talking about doing#lots of conservation and environmental clean up projects#which is cool!!!#from what I hear the Girl Scouts keep up with the fucken times besties#itās been a long time since I was a part of it but I still think itās a great thing#and I hate when people dunk on it and reduce it to just selling cookies#and assume that because itās for girls it only teaches old fashioned misogynistic standards#also things like knowing how the basics of how to cook and shit like that are still important???#they donāt teach that in most schools anymore except as an elective#itās not that young girls /shouldnāt/ learn that itās that it should be taught to people regardless of gender#you need that shit to survive damn#we support Girl Scouts in this household
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Friends, wish me luck
we're moving, we found a place last sunday by coincidence and after a bunch of scrambling around put in an offer and it was accepted
i'm not sure when i became the type of person with a realtor and a lawyer, but apparently after being an adult for 12 years you can just end up with these things?
#i'm really excited but also stressed out#bc we need to sell our current house in order to buy the new one#which means i have 12 years of adhd brain mess to clean out of my current place first#also it's so fucking galling that the stupid cleaning projects my brain weasels insisted were 'too hard' or would 'take too long' took like#2 hours tops so far? maybe 3?#i've cleaned the soap scum out of the tub in like 10 minutes#apparently you just need the right product#and the microwave looks like new now and it took 10 minutes?#i swear i've tried to clean it before and it didn't work#but now i've got an external pressure forcing me to find solutions#but i've also declared that we are making room in the budget to hire a cleaning service to come bi weekly to the new place#bc i swear i need help and im in a place now where i can afford it#sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money#theana shhhh
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i love when characters suck and are bad people like the thing about murphy is that i liked him before he was the incredible wife guy (which is also pretty great, dont get me wrong) but like. i thought he was cool when he was a horrible jackass that everyone hated . like he was interesting before he got morals; he was interesting as a guy who gets lynched in a frontier justice display of retaliation for a murder because he just seems like the kind of dude who would murder someone. and he is! just not that dead guy, specifically. whereas the actual killer is a twelve-year-old girl who the whole crew spends the episode trying to proctect from any kind of punishment, while murph runs around trying and failing to get anyone to admit out loud that the only reason there's a difference between punishing him and punishing her is because he has a bad personality . and also the murders but at that point in the show he hadn't killed anyone, he just seemed like he would
#now the OPTICS of his eventual murder of the guy that lynched him? are abysmal given that murphy is white and connor is black#BUT . that is not a murphy problem that is a showrunners' racial politics are simply completely bankrupt problem#the early-seasons flipflopping between him and finn never ceases to interest me either. his main thing is a sense of antagonistic FAIRNESS#which means that he has no problem helping during the sickness or with food production - doing objectively good things - if they need done#BUT he will also use the opportunity to kill anyone he feels has wronged him; in this case his would-be executors#also anyone who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time#but - even with all that - by the second season he's only killed two people . he's made more attempts; but they all fell through.#finn manages to keep his hands clean for nearly the whole first season and is an adamant pacifist#but grows so emotionally unstable by the second season that he shoots up an entire town full of people and then - just like charlotte -#is defended and protected by many of his crewmates in a way that#had the same event occured but with the roles swapped - murphy shooting instead - would not have happened#and these facts are not lost on murphy! even when he becomes the incredible wife guy#she's the only person who really thinks he has like. a likeable personality#everyone else is like 'well we used to hate him but then we had bigger problems. so he just lives here now. he's all right i guess'#the 100#god i just always have so much to SAY about this shit#love the 100 because it's one of those shows thats bad but NOT so bad that there isn't like a ton of really interesting stuff#to discuss and analyze and reinvent and talk about
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#I can see how I set myself up for this#of course anon no problem and hope you have a lovely day too but just... uh. might take a hot minute. 432 race starts#just for comparison. marc has 250-ish. and that one was already a struggle I needed to be disciplined about some races#I mean for vale everything until 2002 the choice is kinda made for me depending on what's available. so that leaves. um. two decades#tbh I'll probably ignore almost everything post 2017. career's too long and too good to pad with races from there#so a mere sixteen years. cut out the ducati years for the most part and it's a very manageable fourteen. easy#I'm gonna finish off one of The Essays in my drafts b/c I NEED to start cleaning up in there but after that I'll tackle this lol#said essay has a potential readership of like. two people. BUT it's in response to an ask so at least ONE person wants to know#//#just decided to very quickly list some valentino races that I'd include for this off the top of my head. no notes or anything#and it's. um. 46 races. which first of all yes yes very funny but secondly why can my brain even list this many... god#race rec tag#brr brr
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 ā 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyoneās sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when youāve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know itās because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. Iāve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times Iāve drawn animals on one hand so.. Iām not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didnāt always appreciate bc of how young I was. when youāre a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but Iām grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but Iāve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didnāt know how to show it properly. and great. now Iām tearing up again#I suppose itās unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe thatās not such a bad thing#itās good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. itās healthy. itās better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. thatās the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own Iām getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I donāt end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. thatās just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I donāt necessarily believe in the afterlifeā¦ I do hope that Fannyās watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. itās a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she wonāt mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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What doesn't kill you makes you sad strange defensive and difficult to connect with
#It's my annual visit to stay with my parents which means#Two weeks of being as normal as possible around people all day while my journal entries get increasingly unhinged#Because openness fosters interpersonal closeness but I don't know how to be Open around them in a way that doesn't massively hurt for evry1#Like. How am I? I'm in near constant emotional pain because coming back here sucks. Because my memories of here since#like eleven are of suffering and fear and inability to escape. So I'm scared and hurting. But!#I will keep coming back here anyway. Because one day I won't have my parents anymore. And I don't want to regret time not spent with them.#It's a bit perverse isn't it. Being motivated by fleeing fear instead of pursuing love. But that's where I'm at.#And what are my parents meant to do with that? They can't fix it. Or me. They can't apologize in a way that would mean anything to me.#They can only suffer in guilt and helplessness. And then I'll imagine their suffering and hurt more for it.#And that's it! Fin! The only endpoint I can see. I've tried putting it on their shoulders before. It only hurts.#So I will try very hard to behave like I'm calm and okay. And in two weeks or when I snap -whichever comes first- I'll go back home#And return to the peace of social isolation and cleaning my house and admiring wildlife.#It's not healthy to keep oneself so alone. But I am not healthy. I'm sad and strange and defensive and difficult to connect with.#And nobody but me can help me and I don't know how to be different.#Christ. I need to go back to therapy. I need a hint.#Memories
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i don't miss living near most of my family, tbh, but i DO miss terribly the recovered meth addict uncle.
#he and my aunt are the kindest just like#they have a house (my grandpa's old house) full of kids whose parents are in the system#they always have#my aunt has a cleaning business thay almost exclusively employs folk recovering from addiction or domestic violence or any number of other#things#for which montana just does not provide the resources to deal with#this woman has brittle bone disease and is never not broken in like four different places but you can NOT keep her stationary#she is doing things and she is doing them because she's too fucking full of love to stay still#my dad is also very full of compassion so like it does happen in that family but where for him religion has closed him off from the world#god just means love for my aunt and uncle.#unconditionally#i grew up in the church and ive NEVER seen christianity like that#like for the record i still think theyre wrong lmao and the system they work in is harmful#idk theyre the only people ive ever known who actually prioritize folks' needs over their salvation#and that's really important#it's real missing the members of my family ive more or less lost because i had to fuckin run from the rest of them hours#he's the first person i told abt the tattoo im gonna get for my grandma someday#i have almost no memories of her where she wasn't just wreathed in smoke#even when she said she stopped smoking she never did lmao she was just. an absolute chimney of a woman#anyway she collected v kitsch strawberry things so im gonna get a kinda kitschy botanical halfsleeve at some point thats just#strawberry plants woven through with stylized cigarette smoke#anyway i was like this is probably irreverent af and some family members will NOT like it and he like LAUGHED and grabbed my arm#just like losing his shit#NO YOU HAVE TO
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indefinite hiatus from tumblr [where 'indefinite' does not mean 'forever', merely 'a week? two weeks? a month? who even knows at this point']
still be available for DMs for a bit at least, but I'll not be checking my notifications or dash. tag me if you want me to see something in ??? time :)
love y'all
#been thinking about this for a bit anyhow#hopefully by the time i return i will have my life together! ha. ha.#hopefuly by the time i return i will have a cat. i have no idea of the likelihood of this#edit oh look the tags are becoming a mess#tw sh#tw suicide#16% mortality rate they say#i want to die and i want to harm and i don't want to eat ever again pls and thankyou <3 but i will be fine.#for some definition of fine#and yeah not taking a hiatus from discord yet tho i probably will in a bit#i don't even know lol im just here and existing and not wanting to be#i found a knife in my room i didn't know i had when i was cleaning up stuff. i gave it to my mum tho so there's nothin in my room etc#i mean. not like i don't know ways to harm and/or die with what i do have. thanks brain. but a) messy and b) parents would notice#honestly tho i do not see myself surviving until my twenty-first birthday. i just don't. not without at the very least a stint in a psych#hospital. which i DO NOT WANT if i can help it#but how to get that across to parents i wonder. they know about almost everything (almost).#they vaguely know im somewhat suicidal. but not to the extent it is. nor about the actual attempt. and that i shall not tell them. based on#the way they reacted to hearing i harm. nope. not telling them that.#anyway! can you tell i need a break from things xP#personal#just. yknow. keep me in your prayers#also yeah if anyone wants my discord just DM me for it
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the office building my new doctor works out of is under renovation, so i have to have a zoom appointment.
which is fine because that's what i've been having for a couple years now with my last one.
but the thing is, i would rather have some in person appointments before them seeing the inside of my room yaknow?
#nothing wrong with it but i feel like it adds to first impressions and I'd rather be in a controlled environment#i have ANXIETY#like big anxiety#i say as i chug the rest of an energy drink#personal#which means i also need to clean the damn place tonight#or shove everything off to the side lmao#my luck is shiiiiit
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went to the dentist today after [REDACTED] years, was honestly terrified but I was so brave about it
#personal#i bought myself a cookie and some corgi pride earrings in a lil shop next door as a reward for actually going finally despite the scaries#adulthood is recognizing youāre terrified and doing the thing anyway but then rewarding yourself for it after for being so brave despite#also thANK GOD for insurance#ideally we could function like other countries and not price gouge medical care in the first place#but thank god my employer has nice insurance which means I paid like $60 for a $350 visit#anyways#time to do a little more adulting today with my day off Aka call other doctor office and try to schedule other appt I need#just adulting things#thank god today was so pretty too#i came i saw I got my teeth cleaned I feared I conquered#i was like. legit terrified my teeth were gonna be fucked
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What I always fail to consider when I create my absolutely realistic to-do lists and plans is the fact that I'm just. So so tired
#either i am a giant cry baby or there is something wrong with me#(in this house we ignore chronic lack of sleep and other unhealthy lifestyle decisions and questionable dietary choices and habits#that has absolutely nothing to do with my feeling of utter exhaustion#this feeling of malaise is completely beyond my control#no but fr i think i would feel 90% better had i slept 1 more hour last night#idk how i survived the first 3 months of this year where i was getting 3 hours on average#i had at least 4.5 hours last night and i feel like dying lmao#had to lie back down this morning after finishing my preparation for the seminar and doing some yoga because i felt like passing out#but i went to class and it was actually okay today and i didn't faint and i even contributed something#amazing#(i mean we were forced to say something but i did say more than the bare minimum so i think that's an absolute win)#uh anyway i need to work for 2 hours and then study korean and do my homework and realistically that's gonna take 4 hours at least#and i need to prepare for my seminar on Thursday which realistically also takes at least 4-5 hours because I'm so fucking slow#and technically i need to work and catch up with my other 2 courses which would require 2 hours a day#and i need to write my stupid term paper from last semester but i haven't even found a topic yet and i need to prepare my stupid#presentation for one seminar and then start working on the term paper for that as well and then start working on the term paper for my#other seminar and then#I'm just way too overwhelmed lol- idk how people manage life. i feel like a rotten corpse all the time and don't even do anything#i need to clean and do laundry and take out the trash and do the dishes and do laundry and write emails and#i just wanna sleep ahahah#ok I'll stop complaining now. I know how much other people do all the time and my workload is nothing in comparison.#i just like to be dramatic#void screams
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