#which makes what's about to come a million times more painfull

[wuornosblog]

5-8-92

Dear Dawn, Its just me again. Trying answer up to all your letters. Good Mornin by the way its 6:35 A.M. . . . OK! answer to what makes everyone classify me as a Seriel Killer? Well actually no one had. The cops labeled me this on the fact that a number of men where killed . . . For Seriel Killers—Real ones stalk as often as they can. And if theres a cooling off period its only in a matter of days. Not months. Plus there brutal in these deaths. These men where never tortured nor dismembered. Richard Mallory raped me. Where as he tied me to the steering wheel, then proceeded to vaginally and anally rape me. For nearly 2 hours. Then after he was done. He put rubbing Alcohol he had in a visine bottle. The bottom my nose, vagina and anus. This was excurciatingly painfull. But more so in my ass. Because he tore me up bad. I never had sex like that. I never allowed exotic wierd stuff while I husseled. Just Clean stuff. Well after his attack. It wasnt untill 6 months later I’d meet another one. And thee others were 2 to 3 months apart. I was meeting strangers more so then my regulars during the last year of ty and I’s relationship. Because my regulars most of them where at “Desert Storm” now . . . The other question. Is why cant people see it was Self defense. Is because the crooked scum. Started slashing slanderous crap all through the media, and Magazines . . . The producers working with Munster horzepa Thompson and others involved, told them . . . that the public would have to believe I was a Seriel Killer . . . The thing is. The movie is totally a made up lie. And goes 200% against all I told them in my confessions. What really makes me sick, is that every time I was trying to recollect an incident and get into the rape. I was cut off… Only being asked Callous question such as how many times did you shoot him? and where did you leave there bodies? And there cars Where did you ditch them at? . . . They were pissed off every time I tried telling the real realities of the situations which were events that were also hard to remember. Cause I was always drunk during the attacks. I drank in front and with all my clients. I was a beer alcoholic for 14 years. Also in the three hours interview. I was going through withdrawals and slight D.T.s. At one point. I saw what looked like worms crawling on the floor in the corner. Just for a second. Between the pressure of stress, hysteria the trauma of it all, and withdrawing it made me really to upset to relate things coherently or competent. They knew it too. And kept stokien me . . . So this is part of the deal. But theres hundreds more of deception they used against the true facts of Self defense . . . One major one is. I kept all weapons each guy used against me. Which were in storage. If I should ever get caught or turn myself in. The weapons can’t be found. Yet tyria knows they were put in there. Its really sick . . . She knows its self defense. But of course is denying . . . as I said before. A conviction has to occurr, and the public has to believe its Seriel to apply for a box office hit. Whereas you can imagine. Rambo brought in 20 million the first 4 weeks it was out across America. So First Female Seriel Killer. “Got it” OK! Thats the whole deal. Well Dawn last page. I’ve got ya pretty well on a bit of understanding whats going on. Theres so much more though. The crookedness would take days to explain. But its soon to “all” come out in the wash. Through investigations and a book I’ll be writting on it. “Sound off”. Gotta Go Gal. I love you too. By the way buddy! I always cared about you, and thought about you on many many occasions. You take GOOD. care of yourself. 4-now Love Lee

[cinaja]

Before the Wall part 29

Summary: Five hundred years before Feyre Archeron is born, the world is much different from the one she lives in. Humans are slaves, seen as little more than animals by the Fae who rule. But things are beginning to change. Talks of rebellion is spreading and on the Continent, some Fae territories begin to consider the potential gain of War. All it takes is one spark and everything will explode.

Masterlist

A/N: There's another time jump of about 10 months before this chapter because this war is seven years and I really need to reach the end eventually.

-----

Drakon didn`t expect his essays to get any kind of attention. No one in international politics ever seemed interested in what he had to say, so the idea that they`d be care about his writing seemed absurd.

But maybe getting captured and tortured by the enemy made him interesting enough that people suddenly were interested in what he wrote. Or he just got lucky. Either way, the essays he published – an analysis of why it was the Fae`s duty as a people to help the humans fight for their freedom – got popular practically overnight with the Fae soldiers. According to Miryam, his timing was perfect. With causalities rising each day, many Fae had been questioning what they were fighting for, and apparently, Drakon`s texts did a good job of reminding everyone what this war was really about and thus increasing troop morale.

Even ten months later, Drakon still hasn`t gotten used to his new popularity.

Sitting on a rock just outside of their current camp with an open book on his lap, Drakon watches the first rays of the sun colour the land in golden light. Before he got captured, he liked to still be asleep by sunrise. But these days, he keeps waking up from nightmares and then, he can`t stand the confinement of his tent. So he usually ends up sitting somewhere outside of the camp long before sunrise, either getting some paperwork done or writing another essay. Like today, when he`s close to finishing an essay explaining why the Fae`s supposed superiority is a myth. He just needs a final argument.

Miryam finds him when the sun has almost fully risen over the horizon. The light makes the tips of her hair glow and makes her look like she`s wearing a crown of fire.

“How is it you always know where to find me?”, Drakon asks with a smile and closes his book.

“You`re a tad predictable.” Miryam plops down on the stone next to him.

These days, their sleeping habits are rather similar. Some days, Miryam will join him outside of the camp. Sometimes, they talk about his writing, about politics and the war. Occasionally, Drakon tells her about his nightmares. She never talks about hers. Other days, they just sit in silence. He has come to miss her when she doesn`t join him in the morning.

“I have a council meeting in an hour”, Miryam says, “Do you want to come?”

“Can`t.” And he doesn`t really want to, either. At Miryam`s insistence, he joined a few council meetings in the last few months, but even though the Council is far more polite to him these days, he still doesn`t enjoy the meetings. “I have a meeting of my own in Erithia in two hours, and I promised Jurian to join him for a patrol afterwards.”

“What`s the meeting about?”, Miryam asks.

Drakon starts drumming a rhythm on his leg. That`s another new habit of his. One of the healers from home suggested he should find something to focus on, a distraction to help him deal with things. He had a list of things one might use and Drakon settled on rhythms. It helps him remain calm.

“Remember this reform for our taxation system we were discussing three days ago?”, he asks. Miryam nods and he continues, “Well, it`s up to vote today, but I don`t think it will pass.”

Miryam smiles and shakes her head. “Only you would sound cheerful about losing a vote.”

“Well, I`m not happy about losing, obviously. But if I lose a vote, it means my system is working.” He shrugs. “Besides, most of the people on my council are smarter than me, so if they don`t allow a law to go through, I`m sure they have a reason.”

“And if the reason is that it doesn`t benefit them personally?”, Miryam asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, who is it that would suffer under your new law?”

“Well, it`s supposed to make the system fairer. No one suffers.” The whole idea behind it is that fewer people suffer. But still, he knows what Miryam is aiming for. “But I suppose there will be an increase in taxes for the rich.”

“And what would you say, how many of your council members are rich?”

“You mean…” Drakon groans. “But they are supposed to represent the people! That`s what they were elected for!”

“I`m not saying they don`t care about the people”, Miryam says. “Just that you might want to take into account that they also care about themselves.”

Drakon rubs face. Either way, if Miryam is right, his system has a serious design flaw.

“So what do I do?”

Miryam shrugs. “How am I supposed to know? I have no idea how laws work, or how to run a country. I just know a thing or two about people.”

Drakon sighs. Maybe if he makes a rule that only half of the seats can be given to people from the upper class? Either way, it means changing the system again.

“Damnit”, he mutters and continues drumming around on his leg.

“Hey.” Miryam moves closer and wraps an arm around him. “This new system of yours is a great idea, really. But you`ve only been doing this for a few years. It`s completely natural that there are still things that need fixing.”

Drakon nods. “I better figure something out, then.”

It will be a ton of work. But well, he knew in advance that changing his countries political system would not be easy. At least he`ll have something new to keep him busy during sleepless nights now.

“Do that”, Miryam says and gets up. “Now, I have a meeting to get to, so I should be off.”

He looks after her as she walks towards the camp. At the edge of the camp, she stops to have a short conversation with the guards. They are too far away for Drakon to hear what they are saying, but the sound of Miryam`s laugh drifts over to him.

Smiling, Drakon turns back to his book. He thinks he might be growing a bit too used to having her around.

----

The meeting has been going on for more than four hours now. Miryam`s magic has been acting up for the last two.

Miryam holds herself so straight it makes her back hurt and tries to focus on the conversation, but the feeling that something is pulling at her becomes more insistent with each passing minute. Under the table, she digs her fingers into her leg so hard that it hurts. Pain, she learned, helps keep her grounded.

“I suggest we join the armies”, she says. Does her voice sound strained? “That way, we cover up for the losses and increase their chances to survive should there be another attack.”

Yes, the strain in her voice is most certainly audible. But since they are discussing how to best cover the loss of another two thousand soldiers, they are all a little on edge. She`ll fit right in.

“That way, we`re down another army”, Zeku points out, frowning at the map in the middle of the table. Little figures mark the positions of the armies. blue for the Alliance, red for the Loyalists. These days, there is no mistaking that there is far more red than blue to be seen on the playing field of this war.

“And if we don`t, we lose both if there`s another battle and they have too few soldiers left to defend themselves”, Andromache says matter-of-factly. The queen looks as tired as Miryam feels, with her slightly tangled hair and the brown skin that lost its usual glow.

Miryam nods at her. “We only have bad options here”, she says, “All that`s left to do is pick the one that`s least likely to end in disaster.” And do it quickly, so that she can get out of here.

Unfortunately, as soon as the matter at hand is solved, there are three more issues for the council to deal with and Miryam is stuck in the stuffy meeting chamber, listening to bickering royals and trying to stir the meeting into a productive direction for another hour. At least her power finally seems to settle down to the point where it`s almost bearable. Miryam leans back in her chair and tries not to let her relief show.

Finally, the last problem has been solved and Miryam thanks everyone for their presence. Ever since her conversation with Grand Duke Zeku, she is acutely aware that her basically leading the meetings does make her stand out in the Alliance, but there`s little she can do about her position now. Their situation is precarious enough as it is, the last thing they need is for her to step back from her leading spot and cause a power struggle amongst the Continental leaders.

At least she manages to get to the door without being stopped by any of her co-councilmembers and finds a Fae guard who is friendly enough to winnow her back to her camp. As soon as she is outside, the last bit of her dizziness passes.

“Evening Tia!”, she calls out to the woman who is currently trying to show a group of new recruits how to properly use a longbow. So far, no success is visible – most arrows miss their mark by several feet – and Tia looks annoyed when she turns around.

“This already looks better than in the morning”, Miryam says with a smile towards one of the recruits who is staring at her with wide eyes. She`ll never get used to the looks.

Tia snorts. “All I`m hoping for at this point is that they don`t hit each other. Or me.” Tia sighs. “You`ve seen to Jurian and Drakon already?” Miryam shakes her head and she adds, “Then you should probably go. They ran into trouble during their patrol.”

Dread settles into Miryam`s stomach and makes it hard to breath. They`re alive, she tells herself, if they weren`t, Tia would have said so right away. “Where?”, she manages.

“Healer`s tent.”

Miryam nods and sets off. She desperately wants to run, but she is one of the camp`s commanders, people look to her for leadership. If she panics, it sends a bad message. So she walks as slowly as she can manage.

Both Jurian and Drakon are in the healer`s tent. Drakon is sitting on a chair. A healer stands behind him and tries to sew a deep-looking wound in his shoulder shut. Drakon looks a bit pale and winces each time the needle pierces his skin, but if he`s sitting up, the injury can`t be too dangerous. Jurian is pacing in front of him, face frozen in rage.

“What happened?”, Miryam asks. Her voice is breathless, even though she walked slowly.

“He`s a stupid idiot, that`s what”, Jurian hisses.

Miryam frowns. Whatever it is that happened between the two, it`s best discussed in private if she doesn`t want the entire camp to know about it within an hour.

“I`ll take over”, she says to the healer, who hands her the needle and hurries out of the room. Miryam quickly inspects the wound – deep, but the weapon didn`t hit anything vital – then continues the work.

“So”, she says, “now that we aren`t giving the camp gossips something to talk about anymore: What`s wrong.”

Jurian just continues to pace, pausing only to glare at Drakon occasionally.

“I made a completely reasonable choice -”, Drakon begins, butJurian whirls around to him and cuts him off.

“You could have died!”, he shouts. Miryam winces.

“I`m Fae. The chances of me dying –“

“I don`t care!” Jurian goes back to his pacing. “You don`t get to walk into a stupid arrow for me! You think I want you to die for me?” Without giving either of them the chance to reply, he whirls around and storms out of the tent.

Well, at least now Miryam knows what the problem is. “So I assume that arrow was originally meant for Jurian.”

Drakon nods. “An ambush. We were half an hour out of the camp when the arrows started flying. One went straight for Jurian.” He shrugs. Miryam wonders if he was this reckless a year ago already.

“Jurian is human”, Drakon adds, like he`s trying to justify his actions, “The chances of him dying were far higher. And even if he would have survived, his wounds heal more slowly than mine do.”

Miryam puts down her needle, reaches for a tin of salve and doesn`t reply. Saying anything on this would feel far too much like making a choice who she would rather see die, whose life she`d save if she got the chance. And she refuses to make that choice.

Drakon clenches his jaw when Miryam applies the salve to the wound, but doesn`t make a sound.

“Maybe you should go after him”, he says.

“I`ll give him a little time to calm down, then I`ll go.” If she runs after Jurian now, she will reach exactly nothing.

She reaches for a bandage and begins to wrap it around Drakon`s shoulder. Somehow, she feels bad about the entire situation. He meant well, and as thanks, he got shot and then yelled at.

“It was a brave thing to do”, Miryam says. That doesn`t sound like she`s telling him to do it again, does it? Just to be sure, she winks at him and adds, “Although I don`t think that will stop Sinna from giving you an earful about risking your life like this.”

“Oh.” Drakon makes a face and gives his shoulder a worried glance. “She`ll never let me fight again if she finds out.”

That seems highly likely. She wouldn`t even be wrong. It is the height of stupidity for a prince without heirs to jump in front of arrows to save other people. Stupid and brave. Miryam smiles. Neither Drakon nor Sinna ever seem to fully realize that he is, in fact, her superior and doesn`t actually need her permission for anything.

“Just tell her the arrow was meant for you, not Jurian.”

Drakon nods, looking relieved. “I`ll do that.”

She finishes the bandage in silence. Then, she passes Drakon his tunic. It is torn and bloody, but still better than running through the camp naked.

“Try to use the arm as little as possible”, she tells him. “I`ll change the bandages and take a look at the stiches tomorrow.”

Drakon nods. “Tell Jurian… Actually, I don`t know what you could tell him. I`m not even sorry.”

“And he isn`t actually angry”, Miryam says, “He just got scared.”

She finds Jurian in the sparring ring where he`s facing off against two opponents. She leans against a fence and watches him disable both opponents within a minute. He helps the two soldiers to his feet and wipes the sweat out of his face, then turns around to her.

“Walk with me?”, she calls out to him.

Jurian nods and follows her through the camp, away from the curious looks of the soldiers. They sit down on the stone where Miryam met with Drakon in the morning.

“He meant well, you know?”, she says softly.

“Of course he did.” Jurian wrinkles his nose. “That`s the damned problem, isn`t it?”

“Well, it`s not like we never risked our lives for his”, Miryam points out with a wry smile. Actually, she`d say that they both did far riskier things than stepping in front of an arrow. “Why is this such a problem?”

“Because…” He hesitates. “I know that the chances of all of us making it out of this alive are slim at most. I`ve accepted that.”

Miryam wants to disagree, but Jurian is right. With how this war is going, they`ll probably be lucky if even one out of the three of them lives to see the end of the fighting. If they win at all. She also knows that the chances of her being to one who survives are low. In the last months, Ravenia already sent three assassins after her.  

“But it`s not…” Jurian shakes his head. “It`s not the same if someone else dies for me. Then it`s not bad luck or anything. It`s my fault. And I don`t think I can live with that.”

Miryam tilts her head back and looks up at the sky. That is the curse of their friendship – all three of them would die for each other, but neither could live with themselves if that happened.

“We`ve survived this far”, she says, “We won`t die now.”

Jurian picks up a stone and throws it into the bushes. “You usually lie better than that.”

She turns around to him and looks him straight in the eye. “We`ll all get out of this alive”, she repeats with as much confidence as she can muster.

“Thank you.” He gives her a sad smile. “I almost believe you.”

----

Jurian turns the letter around in his fingers again and again. The paper is thick and surprisingly heavy. Expensive.

The exterior of the letter is as pretty and styled up as the contents. Clythia finds the most beautiful, poetic words to get her point across. She compares him to Lokus, one of the Fae`s legendary warriors, and herself to Eshi, his lover who fought beside him. Jurian may not be very well-versed in Fae mythology, but even without having to ask Drakon, he is pretty sure that Lokus and Eshi were on the same side in their long-ago war. However, that detail doesn`t seem to deter Clythia from waxing poetry about the similarities and how they were meant for each other.

It seems the female who gleefully slaughters his people in battle has a romantic streak.

Clythia ends the letter by asking him to meet her tomorrow. It isn`t the first letter of that kind Jurian receives – Clythia writes him at least once a month – and under normal circumstances, he would have thrown it into the fire like he did with all the others. But this time, he hesitates.

At this point, it is abundantly clear that his side is not exactly winning the war anymore. And the longer this war rages, the higher the chance that someone he cares about ends up dead. If they manage to win at all. But his relationship with Clythia might give them an edge. It could mean the difference between victory and defeat for the Alliance, life and death for his friends.

You promised Miryam, he reminds himself. But she was only ever against the relationship because she worried about him. She thought he wouldn`t be able to handle what being with Clythia did to him. But he can manage. He has to.

A knock sounds on the entrance. Jurian instinctively hides the letter behind his back, then immediately feels stupid. He puts it on his desk and calls, “Come in!”

A soldier pokes his head through the entrance. “Lady Miryam and Prince Drakon need you in the war tent.”

Now, Jurian feels twice as caught. “I`ll be there in a minute.”

Once he`s alone in his tent, he turns back around to the letter. Lips pressed into a tight line, he stares at it. Then, he hastily scribbles a reply and watches the letter vanish into thin air. He spins around and stalks out of the room.

Meeting Clythia is the right thing to do. What does it matter what it does to Jurian if it can help them win this war? That`s what Miryam wants, too – surely she wouldn`t mind. Whatever it takes. That was their deal from the first day on. Well, this is what it takes. Besides, Miryam already told him that she didn`t mind him meeting Clythia. He is making the right choice. The only choice, really. He`ll tell her right after this meeting.

Still, he is sure that the shame is written plainly on his face when he enters the war tent. Miryam is sitting on a chair, knees drawn up to her chest, Drakon leans against the edge of the strategy table. His shoulder healed well and he has been back to fighting for four days now.

“Something happened?”, Jurian asks.

“We got orders from the council”, Drakon says and begins to explain the situation.

Apparently, they have reports of Amarantha`s army being stationed a few hundred miles further north. The Alliance only has a smaller force in that area, and they have been ordered to send reinforcements so that they can ambush Amarantha. Jurian has a hard time focusing on what Drakon is saying. His mind keeps drifting to the letter he sent. Is Miryam looking at him strangely? Surely she notices that something is off.

She looks so tired. These past months have been hard for her. Hard for all them, but Miryam with her tendency to feel responsible for everything is worst off. Maybe telling her about his plan with Clythia isn`t the right thing to do. It will just be one more thing for her to worry about. Better if he meets with Clythia and tells her about it afterwards. He doesn`t plan on more than one meeting, anyways.

“Jurian?”, Miryam asks.

“What?”

“You didn`t hear a word Drakon said, did you?” She sighs. “When is the last time you slept?”

“Yesterday? For at least three hours.”

“Well, that`s more than me.” Drakon grins at him. “I said that I should probably take my soldiers north while you remain here. We`ll be quicker if we don`t have to carry any human soldiers and the order we received said that speed was of importance for this mission.”

Jurian nods distractedly. “Maybe it`s for the best if you take Miryam as well. In case you need magical back-up.”

And as an added benefit, Miryam will be miles away when he meets with Clythia. That way, he won`t even be in a position where he has to tell her in advance. He`ll just meet with Clythia, try to get as much information out of her as possible. After that, he can kill her. He`ll tell Miryam when she gets back. That way, she doesn`t need to worry. It`s a perfect plan.

Miryam frowns at him, though. Too late, he remembers that it has been their unspoken agreement these past few months that he doesn`t push her to use her powers if it isn`t absolutely necessary. In return, she keeps working on the wall and occasionally teaches him a few of the simpler spells. Jurian doesn`t entirely understand where that new hesitation regarding her powers comes from and when he asks, Miryam just keeps repeating that she`s worried about losing control. Not that he`s ever seen that happen.

“Just in case it`s necessary”, he adds and smiles at Miryam.

He forbids himself from feeling any irritation about her hesitance. He`d give his right arm for abilities like hers, but at the end of the day, he knows too little about magic to really understand what she is struggling with.

“Good.” Drakon jumps to his feet. “Then I`ll get my soldiers ready.” To Miryam, he adds, “We leave in an hour.”

----

Tags: @sjm-things @clolikescloquetas @croissantcitysucks

[hayleygray08]

You are my home.

Introduction: this is my first writing on here. Bare with me.

Summary: you are a new member of the team after tony finds you in a hydra raid. You are shy, reserved, and not very talkative at first until you realize the team is not going to hurt you. Once comfortable you show them your powers and fall for a certain super soldier, again.

I used google translate for words in Russian, so if the words are wrong. I apologize.

In my writing, no one is dead.

Pairing: bucky x reader, everyone else is platonic.

Genre: fluff, anguish, mentions of torture, blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am crouched in the conner,on the floor of my cell waiting for the guards to come get me. My daily training. More like torture.

They make me train as hard as I can and if they think I am slaking, I get a few thousand jolts of electricity shot through my body. Or even a few punches.

Yesterday was one of the worst days so far, that I can remember. I was getting random images flash inside my head, almost from a past life from what I saw, which made me loose focus quite a bit. In return the men who watch me train were heavy with the electricity jolts and even harder punches, anywhere they could land on my body. So, I was not looking forward to today's training.

I don't have a clock or windows in my cell but I knew every time they would come to get me. Like my body knew the exact moment every day. So when that time came and I was still in my cell I was growing a little worry. They are never late, sometimes early, but never late. Just then a siren rang out and the lights dimmed then went red. Was that the alarm for an intruder? How is that possible?

As a million thoughts ran through my head at what could possibly cause the alarm to go off. A very vivid picture or memory came to me and played on repeat. It looked to be the 40's, on a dock or a pier, I was laughing and looking out at the water. There were two guys with me. One was small, blonde hair, blue eyes, and had a small smile on his face. The second was bigger then the first, had brown hair, bright blue eyes, and laughing with me. Why do they look familiar? Why do I have two names on the tip of my tongue? Who are they? Just as I was about to say those names my cell door was blown off and there was a cloud of dust.

As the dust settles and I can properly see, there is a man in a red and gold suit of metal. He walks towards me as he says "Cap we got someone here. She looks no older then 24, covered in bruises, and looks terrified.""Yes, I'll make sure to get her out.""No, I can't tell if she is dangerous." He sighs and crouches down so he can look me in the eyes.

"Hi, I am Tony Stark, and I am going to take you away from here." Tony says and offers me a hand. I take it cautiously and follow him out the door and eventually outside.

Once we made it outside I take a deep breath. It felt so good to get clean air. I don't even remember the last time I was outside. Must have been years. I had to shield my eyes, it was so bright out. I didnt notice more people joining us. I was to busy looking at my hands and arms. Was I always this pale? I look up at the guy who took me away, Tony, and then darkness.

Tony catches me before I could hit the floor and runs into the jet. He lays be on a table and Bruce starts an examination. Nobody dared bother him. Nat hands Tony a flash drive and sits back down with the others.

While I was unconscious and now in the medbay at the compound, I was getting more images. Some are to fast to register what it was and some stayed a good while showing me a life I do not remember, but wish I did. Also things I did, hurting people, a chair, and training. It was all to much. To much pain, suffering, lose. I could feel myself have a panic attack. Which alerted everyone.

I jolted up into a sitting position clenching my chest and taking big gasps of air. My heart monitor going off like crazy. I looked around frantically, not recognizing where I was. I tried to rip out the Iv's but a pinching sensation in my shoulder makes me stop. I look up and see a women, before I am unconscious again.

Meanwhile in the common area Tony, Steve, Natasha, Wanda, Sam, Clint, Vision, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, Loki, Scott, and Peter all sat around looking at my file.

"Her name is y/n, y/ln. She was born in 1918, lived in Brooklyn, New York. Was taken by Hydra in 1946 while she was working on a S.H.I.E.L.D mission. Hasn't been seen since. Until about 2001 when she was spotted riding a motorcycle from a crime scene. Looked to be an assassination. Then again in 2003, 2005, 2007, 2012 and the last time in 2014. So the last time was 7 years ago. It shows she was trained like the winter soldier, but never met one another. But her powers got out of control and they have been training her to keep them in control since 2014. She has assassinated 6 men, 4 women, 2 children, and 1 hydra agent in a training gone wrong on that one." Tony reads outloud to everyone.

Steve and Bucky look at each other with a look in their eyes, as if they can't believe it. Then Tony brings up a picture of me for the group to see. Everyone gasps as a few photos show up. One is me, Steve, and Bucky at Coney Island. Then one of me and Bucky smiling at each other. Then there is one of me and Peggy Carter. Once all pictures are shown, all eyes are on Steve and Bucky.

"You know her?" Asked Natasha. Everyone silently asking the same thing.

"Yes, we know her. She was our friend. She grew up with us. She was our best friend. And a little more to Bucky." Steve answers quietly, looking at Bucky. It has been 78 years since he has seen her.

As they tell the others about me and what they remember, I am waking up again at the medbay. This time more calm. The nurses and doctors where asking me questions but I wouldn't answer them. They could tell they were not going to get anywhere with me, they called Tony and Bruce. I still would not talk to them.

How could I trust them? I don't even know them. For all I know they could be Hydra as well. With all these images popping up I don't even know what to believe anymore. Both men were throwing question after question at me. I didnt know how to answer. Or if I even should. Once they realized they were not going to get anywhere they left.

By the time I got the okay from the doctors, I was put inside a cell. Something I am all to familiar with. But this one was clean, had a comfortable bed, running water, and was warm. All the walls were glass and I could see people standing around watching me. Two I kinda recognized due to the images that I get. Each one would ask a question, each time I just stared ahead.

"We want to help you." A women with red and blonde hair spoke up after a few minutes of silence. I laughed.

"You want to help me? You don't even know me. How can you help me?" I responded quietly.

"Wanda has some powers and is able to look inside your head. Put the pieces together for you. Help you remember." The same women responded looking at another women with red hhai. I am guessing is Wanda.

"We read your file, y/n, let us help you remember the things they have taken from you." Tony says as he walks around. I don't respond, just look at everyone.

They gave up after 3 hours of silence from me and them asking questions. They leave me alone until a few days later. For those days they would bring me food, check to see if I am okay, then leave. It was Wanda, Tony, Bruce, and Steve that came a few days later. I watch them as they open the door to my cell and take a seat on a bench.

"If you are okay with this, we would like to try something. It does involve bringing back everything Hydra took from you. It might be painfull. But we think you should have the choice in remembering your life."Tony speaks up after a few minutes of silence.

Do I trust these people to try and help me? Do I even want the help? To remember all the pain I have caused and I life I will never get back.

I look at the four people in front of me and when I looked at the blonde man named Steve a memory came to me. It was just us two in a tent that looked to be on a base of some sort. He was the way he is now bigger then the other one I have seen. As if he grew or got on steroids. He was telling me about someone but it was fuzzy but I had this feeling of sadness.

I take a big breath in and look at them. "What do I have to lose? Not like I am going anywhere anytime soon." I tell them as I look at my hands.

I didnt see Tony nod at the door but did hear it open. I look up to see a young girl, with a different wardrobe then the others. She smiles kindly at me as she sits next to Wanda.

"Hi, my name is Shuri. I am from Wakanda and I can help you remember." I just stare at her.

"How long will this take?" I ask quietly.

"Depends on the damage they have caused for you to forget everything. Could be a few days, weeks, months. If you have trigger words. We will make.."

"Trigger words? What does that mean?" I interrupt her.

"Words that change you into a different person. Like they did witht he winter soldier. When we got the files from the base you were held in, shows you do have some." Tony says to me.

"Oh, so then I guess we should start this thing." I tell them. They did not expect me to say that.

They step out of my cell and start to say 6 words in Russian.

"девять- nine"

"машина-car"

"цветок-flower"

At this word I started to feel a crawling sensation run across my skin. I started to blink rapidly, my vision was getting foggy.

"слива-plum"

"банан-banana"

Now I'm rolling my shoulders, flexing my hands, shaking my head. That crawling sensation is getting thicker, heavier.

"рок-rock"

Once that last word was said I stand up, look at them with a blank expression, and cock my head to the side a little. "готов подчиниться- ready to comply."

They ready the words and I am me again. Well the shell of me that I know. I sit on the bed and take deep breaths. I did not like the feeling of having no control.

They watch me before they leave me alone for a little bit. I don't remember those words but it felt like my body did and it hurt badly.

As i sit and then pace and sit again for I don't know how long, everyone else is in the common area trying to figure out what to do next.

"Her words are different from Bucky's, why?" Same asks as they watch me in my cell.

"They made the words unique for that person. Hers are more girly because she is a girl and what she likes. They make it so only one person gets triggered and not all at once." Bucky says with a frown.

As they continue to talk and see the next step. I am going a little crazy in my cell. I started to throw everything that I could, I tried breaking the walls, the floor. I was screaming, crying, and bleeding. No one knew of my powers because it was not put in any files. So when I fall to my knees and scream everything shuts down and I pass out.

Once the lights were out, they were up and running to my cell. As people in the building were trying to get the power back on.

When they get to me I was laying on the floor and covered in some weird goo. That started right as I hit the floor. Bruce went to check if I was okay and when he tried to check my pulse he got shocked. He steps away and goes to the others.

"This is not in her file, didnt show if she had powers or not. Why would they do that?" Natasha says as the nurses come in hazmat suits.

"Because she is more dangerous then we thought." Steve says sadly.

*********

That is part 1. Possibly a part two.

[kriskonfesses]

Just a little change... 1/1

20 (give or take) years. That, my friends, is how long it takes for a bunch of scientists to discover the genetic issues that cause a disease and for a treatment of any kind for the disease to be released (other than just treating it symptomatically). Well, in my case. My entire life can be summed up in a similar number of years. My mom always told me that they had pinpointed the exact chromosome that was malfunctioning in people with SMA right before I was diagnosed.  Now, I finally get to do something about it. So, here I’ll keep my progress of the treatment I’ve been panicking/searching/drooling over for the past four months. A little more than a year ago Spinraza, the first ever gene therapy for SMA, was FDA approved and tomorrow I get my go at it. December 2016 I’m sitting on the bed in the guest room of my dad’s new house. It’s the day after Christmas and I have a sore throat (that eventually ended up in the ICU, save that for a later date). I’m flipping through posts on facebook when I came across a peculiar post on a rare piece of magic... well, sorta. It may be science but it seemed miraculously exciting. A drug called Spinraza which would stop the progression of my disease and was very expensive. That was of all I knew and all I wanted to know at the moment. I called each person in the house to the room one at a time and told them and none of them seemed very cheerful about it. I couldn’t understand why no one felt the way I thought I should feel. And they had a point. It wasn’t a cure. It’s almost a million dollar treatment. It’s done every four months for forever. There is no promise to gain strength. It’s a needle going into your spine. I could go on... And for us, we didn’t know much about the result, but I always held hope a little in the back of my head. I gave up and decided to wait. I heard insurance was hell to get through. Yet, my muscles have gotten weaker... My already painfull major depression just made everything suck, everything sucked. It had been sucking since my pneumonia. Nothing would change what has happened to me, but my mindset needed the change. That's when I realized I had stopped seeing my therapist since pneumonia and I really needed one. I called her back up and the results were amazing. My panic attacks have literally gone from twice a day to once a week. Then, I got the other important thing that helps with depression: Meds? No, sun. I took a cruise. I felt so relaxed and away from my troubles and it was great. I know I seem a little off track right now but stick with me here for a sec. Around this time I got an invite to a Facebook group about Spinraza. I started seeing all these wonderful stories about babies and toddlers. They were breathing without the need for support, crawling, sitting up, and walking on their own. The joy of knowing that these kids would never have to grow up going through the trials I had to was priceless. Nowhere near as many hospital visits, no missing learning important things in school like tying your shoes because you had PT, no difficult special ed bus drivers, no missing field trips or field days.The families would save some pain in the process, too. Maybe this would prevent some siblings from having to go to therapy. Maybe it would even save some marriages. I know having children with disabilities can be a heavy load for parents to carry. Although I know my own parents had their unrelated reasons for divorce, it still stung to think that my disease didn’t help the matter.  While reading and wading through emotional stories, I learned children weren’t the only ones noticing changes, even though these changes in adults were never promised. I heard stories of people who could lift a cup or open a lid. These things may seem minuscule to the vast majority of people, but they can be huge to those who have no way to care for themselves. You don’t ever understand fully until you have to ask others to do everything for you. I heard people were talking clearer. It has always been a fear of mine to lose the ability to speak clearly as it is the only form of control I really have. Just the thought of not having to lose my voice or my already weak ability to pick things up is exciting. And honestly, that right there is the reasoning behind getting this treatment. So I started. My very first step is to research as much as I possibly could. Learning about the procedure, the side effects, and the expectations is very important. I read thousands of comments and questions on the Facebook page and read as much on the official website as I could. I didn’t want to go in and be blinded by complications, so I tried to find a way out of all the problems before I even started the process. Unfortunately, for a person with panic disorder this severe, this caused a lot of stressing about things I never should have had to worry about, to begin with. I also learned every situation is vastly different. When I came across a person in the same state with the same insurance I have, who kept getting denied, I instantly thought I would be in the exact same situation. Turns out I was wrong and I spent a month worrying about it. I can always be counted on to overthink things. My next hurdle revolved around the location of the treatment. While Austin isn’t behind the times when it comes to medical facilities, it is nowhere near the largest or most medically advanced cities in Texas (Texas has 3 of the 10 largest cities in the country in it and Austin certainly isn’t one of them, even though it is the capital). Since at the time Spinraza hadn’t even been out for even a year and the cost was such a large risk, very few places were willing to administer the drug. I pretty much had two options, Dallas and Houston. I looked into Houston and found a place but they wouldn’t take my insurance (aka Government insurance) because of something called “Buy & Bill”, which pretty much means my insurance agrees to cover it as long as the hospital pays for it initially and then gets reimbursed. Obviously, it isn’t the ideal situation. Someone said that university hospitals tend to agree to “Buy & Bill” more often and one of the doctors I was told to look into was at the University of Texas Southwestern in Dallas. When I finally scheduled I had to wait about a month until my appointment. I brought the partially filled out Start form with me and was prepared to start with no idea what the wait time was. I had heard people waiting anywhere from seven months to a year. I got assigned my Family Access Manager about two weeks later. He came out for a meeting and went over everything. Most of this I had already known from my tedious research. He told me that it was my job to be proactive. Implanting myself like a thorn in the side of the doctor's office I fought for speedy results and proved myself a worthy self-advocate. After a couple of months, I received one of those annoying insurance calls where a machine says something to the effect of “blah blah blah your request for a nonformulary prescription has been approved blah blah blah.” I was having a lot of insurance issues at the time, but the call eventually said “if you’d like to know the name of the prescription press 1″ and that is how I found out I was approved for Spinraza. There were still things to do before I could schedule. I had heard something called a Hammersmith test was required to be done by a PT to get approved, but I had been approved without it. Similarly, a CT scan was required to find an opening. The procedure is called a Lumbar Puncture. It is a process of injecting a needle between the vertebrae of the spine to pierce the neural foramen, withdraw 5cc of spinal fluid, and inject 5cc of Nusinersen, or Spinraza. Commonly people with SMA suffer from Scoliosis and require rods to be put in to straighten the spine. When this is done bone grafts are put in to help keep the spinal rods in place. This is a problem because the spaces between the vertebrae are covered by bone grafts leaving no way to directly access the neural foramen. There are multiple ways around this. They can go into the cervical spine (the neck), which is above the rods, but that can be dangerous as there are many important nerves and it is dangerously close to the Spinal cord. They can add a window. This means they perform surgery and cut a small square of bone out of the way. But, all surgeries have risks like infection or respiratory issues related to the chronic lung problems associated with SMA. Choosing the correct fix truly depends on the patient. While I called multiple times to schedule a CT scan, I was finally told that all of that would be handled the day of the first injection. The last thing to do was schedule my first procedure and prepare to make the long journey to Dallas. I don’t know what my results will be and I certainly won’t stop until I try. To be continued... Written 1/10-1/13

[lordshruggington]

That One Cramp(TM), aka “yes, you can get traumatized with menstrual cramps”

So, period cramps.

I'm part of the large percentage of the female population that experiences mentrual cramps. Luckily I'm NOT part of the small percentage whose pain is so severe they literaly cannot get out of bed. My cramps come only on the first and/or second days, in waves, with dips where it hurts a little less and spikes where it hurts a little more. I generally don't need anything to get by, apart from certain spikes which are just too uncomfortable to allow me to focus on what I should be doing, by which point I pop a painpill and after a while the grinding doesn't feel as bad and I'm good to go again.

BUT THEN, That One Cramp(TM) happened

A few years ago, beggining of another menstrual cicle, I go to sleep as usual. But at around 1-2am I wake up in agony, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't panic for a moment before I located myself. It was a cramp unlike any other I’ve have before or since, and the worst pain I’d fetl in my entire life. It felt like there was something with Too.Many.Teeth. gnawing away at my insides. Pills. Painpills. Need. Now. I tried getting up to get them but I couldn't stand up; it felt like if I did my muscles would rip themselves apart, and instead I just fell off the bed. Help. Someone. MOM. My parents were in the next room and so I started calling, although even that was painfull and I couldn't call very loud. But thankfuly she heard and came to get me, and was ofc scared when she saw me on the floor. I explained I needed painpills now and she went to get them; she already knew I was on my period so she knew which pills were. She helped me take them and left the packet and a glass of water with me in case I needed another (which I did) and I asked her to go back to bed, I'm so sorry for bothering you like this I already woke you up I don't want you to stay up all night. She tried to get me back to bed but I couldn’t get up and said to just let me stay on the floor for a while, I'll get back up when I can, and so she left. I don't know how much time I spent like that, but it felt like fucking AGES because the painpills take some time to kick in and remember what I said about them coming in waves? The spikes are sudden and piercing, but the dips happen gradually over a minute or so, so gradually I often only notice I'm in a dip when the next spike happens, and it's not like the pain completely goes away in a dip anyway, and I'm still sore and it still hurts and it just feels like the pain is getting progressively worse, oh gods, I'm gonna die. So I stayed there, curled up in a ball on the corner of my room, sweating, shaking, trying to massage my belly but not sure whether it was helping or worsening or both or neither, it just hurts everywhere and I’m confused, tired, sleepy, just waiting for a dip so I can try and get myself back to bed, but when I though I was in a dip there came another spike and I curled up tighter and me legit thinking I was gonna die. One of the first noticeable effects of the painpills I use is an increase of the duration of the dips, and so I noticed I wasn't hurting so much for a while and I could move, and took a chance, got up slowly and got my water and my pills on the nightstand and got under the blankets just in time before the next spike kicked in, oh gods, it's not over yet, I'm still gonna die. I don't know how long I still stayed awake, but I know I woke up exhausted. I felt uneasy, unsafe. I felt almost violated, how, why did this happen, how did my own fucking uterus did this, how did it not tear itself to pieces with that, or did you actually teart yourself to pieces? What happened?

It's been years, like I said, and I never had another one like that, thank the gods. They come and they go, if it gets too bad for comfort I take a painpill and the Sun keeps shinning. But that was legit traumatizing, no hyperbole. Oh, I'm on my period, no big deal, pop a pad and a tampon and good to go. But then a little cramp creeps in, and I get flashbacks to that night and I can't stop thinking about that, and that anxiety seems to make the pain worse. It was the weekend, I was home and with people who could help me and I could rest for as long as I needed, but what if next time it happens I'm at class? At a mall or someplace where I cannot wait it out? What if it happens when I'm driving? Just last night I stayed up almost to 3am, because a stronger-than-usual cramp decided to make itself known just as I was trying to fall asleep and got me so scared I'd get That One Cramp(TM) again I simply couldn't fall asleep even when it disolved into the usual low-rumble grinding. It took me taking a painpill just in case and another hour before I properly fell asleep and luckily today's a holiday so I could sleep in, but what if it wasn't?

In all honesty, I feared for my life. It was fucking terrifying. I laugh at the bruises I get from kickboxing and look forward to getting new bruises, hey dude, check out the bruises on my arms, it was whoever, good think I kept my guard up, hahaha. I once tripped and fell and hit my head on a wall corner, breaking my glasses, getting head trauma and a couple weeks at the hospital and almost losing an eye because I hit EXACTLY on the orbit and if it weren't for my glasses pushing my eye in on the impact and taking the brunt of the damage I'd be half-blind, and I laugh at that and proudly display the star-shaped scar on my eyebulb, hey look, that's when I broke my skull, hahaha. But that cramp was the worse pain I've ever felt in my life up until and since then. I'm writing this because I'm having the usual mild cramps I'm used to, and as usual it takes me back to That One Cramp, and I can’t take my mind off it and I’m genuinely afraid. Nothing unusual is happening, but what if it does? I don't want to go throught that again. Not in a million years. No, no, no. Please don't. I don't know how you messed up the hormone doses so badly that time, uterus, but please, for the love of all that is holy, don't do that again, please.

My heart goes out to all the women for whom dysmenorrhea is an all-too familiar word.

[the-princess-with-pancakes]

Emma Roberts Movie Week

It’s actually a bit unexpected. I didn’t plan this, I just watched Scream IV and her character made me love her even more, then I did after Chanel. So I thought, why not, no matter that I planned Brendan Fraser Movie Week.

 Day 1: Scream IV (2011)

It’s not the movie I want to talk about (because I plan to make a post about the whole franchise, after watching the TV Series), but about he character. I mean, how awesome is watching Emma Roberts as psycho killer. Especially a very convincing psycho killer, trying to kill Sidney. After watching Scream Queens and knowing how well she plays bitchy characters, so it was very entertaining. The third act of course. Watching her as a side character was just okay. That’s really all I can say. So yeah, there you go folks. Also the villain monologue was fun. Just read for yourself:

Favorite Jill quote:

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don't need friends. I need fans. Don't you get it? This has never been about killing you? It's about becoming you. I mean, for fuck's sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That's sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we're all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don't have to achieve anything. You just gotta have fucked up shit happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There's only room for one lead, and let's face it, your ingenue days, they're over. A bit long, yeah, but how great. Isn’t that weird, that her monologue is longer then my text about her character?

Day 2: Wild Child (2008)

A very linear teen drama, but in England. Why would I pick that? The real question is: Why not? I mean, yes, it’s stupid, and yes, I’m an adult, but I’m still a kid inside, and I know it’s a bad movie, but it was still entertaining sometimes. Again, watching Emma playing a bitch is fun, for 20 minutes, but it was still fun. If we got through the best part, let’s get to business. Her character growth was okay, her friends were okay, their relation was okay. The school bitch was awfully stereotypical, no matter that her first appearance said otherwise. I hoped at least that from that movie, but it didn’t even give me that, so...

The fun part tho was just turning my brain off for an hour and half, and just watch Emma hanging out with some teenagers with British accent. It’s still one of my favorite female celebrities. Also her name was Poppy! It could belike the flower, but hearing “Poppy” made me think about That Poppy. Which is always a little plus. Wow, that paragraph about the things I liked is too short. Hey, Nick Frost! 

The montage was awful... it broke me from the movie every 30 seconds, which was hard to watch. Also the scene quick before the end was so cringe. At least for me. They were losing, then made a dance, and magically they won! (The dance was cringe, if someone were wondering)

Well that’s all, it was between average and okay.

Favorite quote:

Poppy: I didn't start it, it wasn't my fault, and if this were America, I would sue.

That’s true, OMC. America is beautiful, I love it, I want to visit it someday.

 Day 3: The Art of Getting By (2011) 

There is a thin line between being a good movie, and being pretentious. This movie sadly is on the wrong side of the line. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed watching this movie, it got to me, I love the main character, George, I can see myself in him, somehow. I always wanted to be that weird guy on the side, or I just want it, because these guys (like in this movie) alwayse ended up happy at the end, and I want the same thing for myself. But that’s a theme for different post. I liked seeing the world through his eyes. The scene showing how he wanted to get over Sally was great. Or when she broke him with the weird sex questions, during their “date”. Freddie’s acting was very convincing, and I didn’t saw the actor, I saw a boy with problems. The relations between him and the other characters and the way he reacten to every rational thing, he should do, but just couldn’t. I can also say a good thing about the side characters. I really liked them. The way they were created, even if some of theme didn’t have a lot of screen time, I had still fun spendind time with them. Like when Sallys’s mother told her, that she should be with George or when the painter struggled to be with Sally. I could also say about how I liked the montage and directing, but who cares? Also I liked the “development” of Freddie’s character, like in the first and second part who was becomind worse and worse...

Sadly the thing I was most anticipating in this movie was Emma Roberts and... well, Sally totally blows. I disliked her after 5 or so minutes. I’m not really sure if she’s such a bad actress, or it was just like her character was written, but Sally was so wooden. She was pretty, yes, but that’s just one of two things, that I think George could see in her (the second is, that she really cared about him and liked him, for example the scene, when they were sleeping next to each other, or when she called him every 5 minutes, whe he left her). I also really, really disliked her, when she broke my precious George! I mean, who does she think she is? (that’s not a blame on the movie, just another reason to not like her character, which isn’t a bad thing) Sally was the second most important character, but she dind’t develop at all. It was painfull to watch her in some scenes, beacause I knew that she would hurt George, because he wanted to go forwrd in some way, but she was staying the same all the time. Another thing I didn’t like was most of the third act. How George suddenly (I know it was because of his mother, he didn’t to upset her any more) change his attitude to life and so quickly straightened everything. It just wasn’t convincing for me. Also it was very predictable. Him, getting the diploma, her, going back to him, the painting, being Sally. Sad. Sadly. They could work on that a little more.

Favorite qoute:

Sally Howe: What were you like as a child?

George Zinavoy: I was such a better person than I am now.

Sally Howe: Come on.

George Zinavoy: I'm serious. I was happy. I was open. I was curious. But I'll tell you this: I knew when it was ending. I was overwhelmed with sadness when I realized that I was going to change, and that it was all most likely going to get worse, like a nostalgia for the present. I couldn't shake it... 

And it’s sad to say, that I dind’t like her creation. It really is. I hope it’s not her acting and I can see her again in a small movie, but with more. More to play and that she actually does it well. For now I like her justas the bitchy/psycho type.

 Day 4: Nancy Drew (2007)

Hey I’m actually keeping up! Only three das/movies left.

So I just looked up (on Wikipedia, I’m not a detective) that, as I thought, the movie is based on a book series for teenagers, with the same name. 

I start with the things I liked. And don’t let it fool you, there were’nt as many. The start was quite fine and fun to watch. The city and the charachters living in it. Just the world created around Nancy in her home town was adorable, just to be fine for a few minutes. I also liked Nancy at some point. I guess Emma can play charismatic characters, not just bitches. Which is good, but it wasn’t very good acting, since it also wasn’t a role that needed a good actress, just because the writting was so doll. Ahh, I wanted to say, what I liked first. So I also liked the side characters from her home town, like her father and Ned, or some of the LA characters: just Jane and Leshing. And the styling. I think the setting around our main characters was cute. Her dressing style, the style of that “hounted” house or her home town (I didn’t remember it, I’m really not familiar with the book series). Hey, Bruce Willis!

That’s sadly all, not many good things, that I could talk about. The writting tho. Ugh! It was so, so bad. Mished with that acting was just terrible to watch. Just because I liked some charachters, does not mean, I think they well written well, or that they were acted well. They weren’t. None of them. Maybe Nancy and her father a little, but that’s all. The story... Just meh. After half an hour I wasn’t feeling any mistery. And talk about tension, there was none of it. Even the scene when they were just about to kill Nancy, I was felling nothing. Oh wait, I was annoyed. Because the side characters from her new school had appeared on my screen! I hated them. Especially Corcky. uhh... I just felt like a story written by a teenager, and I think not a teenager has written it (no, it were two adult people). I mean, do they know, they can make a movie for children (and this, BTW, felt like a movie for 3-6 years old), that’s also entertaining for adults? Look at Teen Titans GO: To the Movies! (2018). That’s a good example.

Favorite quote:

Carson Drew: Phone call. Long distance from Scotland. Something about the Loch Ness Monster and some missing diamonds. Nancy Drew: Another case!

Well, despite how I disliked ths movie, I would definietly watch a sequel with Nessi. But it didn’t gross much, which I’m not suprised with.

 Day 5:

Got distracted, by discovering “The Pitch” from ScreenRant. Totally got me. Binge watched like 20 episodes.

 Actual Day 5: Paradise Hills (2019)

What a weirdly boring movie. Maybe I didn’t pay to much attention as I should, but it didn’t get me at all.

I wanted to watch something new, to see how her acting “grow” with her, but... Again, she didn’t get much to play. Which is very dissapointing. 

To start with the good things. The movie is extreamly beautiful. It looks so magical. The movie has just a 6 million budget, but it was still enough to hire Emma Roberts, Milla Jovovich, Awkwafina and to build a gorgeous set. The CGI was very visible, but only in two scenes (like the car on the beginning for example). And... That’s all? The acting of most main cast fine, I guess. 

OMC, where to start even? Idea for the story: very, very unoriginal. It’s actually felt much like The Island (2005) and a little like Sucker Punch (2011) (although I don’t remember it very well), maybe a mix of bouth. It’s not bad, it’s just made not so well. The script: dull, slow and predictible. I don’t like saying this, because I mostly shut of my brain, try to have fun and don’t predict anything, but it was hard. The ending tho. Seriously, to predictable. And no, I didn’t predict, that Jovovich is playing a fucking rose witch/vampire. That actually suprised me. The characters: they we’re okay, but mostly still to stereotypical, like for eample Milla’s witch, Emma’s main and the sidecharacter singer. Again just complaining on the same things I complained the last three movies.

Favorite quote:

Duchess: *screams, while changing into a bush*

I still have one critycally acclaimed drama (to see her acting on a good script) and a good movie to end the marathon happy :3

Day 6: Palo Alto (2013)

I can’t say. I liked this movie. Not a lot, but it was still enjoyable for me.

I thought Emma will play the main character, which she has and hasn’t in a way. She was one of the main characters with Teddy i think. Yeah, okay, I’m almost sure. I know I was supposed to watch a critically aclaimed movie, and this isn’t one, but, eh, it has 69% on RottenTomatoes, so not so bad. Also! It’s stars James Franco. I liked the acting. I’m still dissapointed, that Emma stil does not have much to play. I’m not sure if she’s just okay at acting, or she takes parts of empty blonds. I still love her, it’s just... it’s getting harder and harder to watch her as not charismatic characters. Anyway, I liked the acting, even much. I’m not sure if the actor playing Teddy (Val Kilmer’s son! and Val KIlmer played April’s father xD) was playing him self, but I’m happy with what I got. The same goes for Fred, the coach and April’s father. Finally after these few dissapointing movies, I got something, that dind’t speak to me much, but at least I liked the characters and had fun watching them get better, or worse, or not changing, or having a quick cameo. 

The story was... okay. But connected to this characters, I don’t really have much to complain. The tempo was a bit slow with April’s story, and a bit to fast with Teddy’s. Like The Art of Getting By (2011), this movie crossed a bit the thin line, of being too pretencional. But this doesn’t botter me that much.

Favorite quote:

April: I'm not depressed, why do you always think I'm depressed? I'm just tired.

Day 7: It’s kind of a funny story (2010)

I absolutely loved this movie! It took me from teh beginning with that scene on the bridge. Totally my kind of humor. The main character was easy to equate with, at least for me, like, being a bit assholish on the beginnig, and then turning in a fully good and  empathetic person. The perfect character arc for a feel good movie, like this one. It hit me by suprise, how good it was. The movie has average ratings and is rotten on RottenTomatoes. I know why, but the things, that for others were a flaw, for me was a good quality. I dind’t read the reviews, but I saw flaws in the movie, and in the story. I know, I know, it’s a basic story, a bit (maybe a lot) predictable even. But I turned my brain off for one and a half hour and had a lot of fun. The charachters where, no, seamed 3-dimensional. Everyone, at some point even. I totally believed, these are not actors, these are people. Especially the main trio, obviosly. I dind’t know  Zach Galifianakis can play something more then a stupid fat guy, by playing a not so stupid fat guy with problems. And Emma, still not what I’m expecting from her, but a lot better, then the other movies I guess (with exceptions of course). Even Craigs parents felt so real, and his friend and his love interest in the beginning. The main advantage of the movie is, that, as I pointed out earlier, it makes you feel better. It made me thing, that there is something more for me, that I don’t have to be this sad, fat guy, working and sitting by the computer all the time. Also the acting, OMC. It was great. How thought, to bring Viola Davis to this project? Great idea, even for these few minutes. But, yeah, I also pointed that out already. And, I liked, how the movie was directed. The scene, where they sang together, fabulous.

So what’s the flaws? It was predictable, if you just try to think a little. I dind’t realise that, till after the movie. Also, some characters, from being fine written, turned to flat characters, to drive the plot. Yes, I mean Nia, that was so unnecessary. It was just so Noelle would get mad at Craig. And will winning Noelle back be hard? It’s gonna be (quoting the screenwriter from Pitch Meeting) “super easy! Barely an inconvenience.” Which is dissapointing. 

Favorite quote:

Craig: Do you like music?

Noelle: Do you like breathing?

Bonus: A few words about Channel and whole Scream Qeens (2015-2016)

This series also took me by suprise, a bit. I loved Ariana Grande at that time, but since she quitted acting, and got mostly into music, I started to watch this show. And, as dissapointing as it was at that time, Chanel #2 was killed in the first episode. But since this was a slasher, and I do love those, I stayed. Who am I kidding. It dind’t stay because of the killing, but because of the story, characters and humor mostly. Jamie Lee Curtis is a wonderful actress and watching her going “against” bitchy Emma Roberts, was like watching a unicorn... I don’t a good compare, but you get it. It was extreamly entertaining. The world building, so caricature, it was so fun. Chanel killing a random lady? Yes please. These show was filled with mains driving the series with just themselfs and the sideones adding to it a lot. Even if they get killed eventually. Obviously the first season was way better, then the second. But the second was even more bizzare, which recompensed a bit the flaws of it. Do I like the decisions, who got the be the killers in both seasons? Yes, of course! For example, the chemistry between Dr. Cassidy and Chanel #3 was great in the second half of the second season. Just awesome.

Oh, yeah, a few more about Chanel. Wonderful, stole every scene she was in. Not a character, you could lift a show on, but the definietly good to be one of the mains.

Favorite quote:

Chanel: Good morning, sluts.

Chanel #2, #3 and #5: Good morning, Chanel

Like I could pick any other, than this.

--

So what do I think about Emma in the end?

She’s not a great, but a good actress, she could lift the whole movie, if she get’s a good character to play, like in Wild Child (2008), which was not much, but she was still a teenager then, and made it. 

Do I see her in drama roles?

Yes, actually. I love her, when she plays bitchy, charismatic, or even psycho characters, because she’s great at it, but I still want to see her other side. A hard part to play, in which she can shock everyone in how good of an actress she is. She didn’t have the chance yet.

I hope she gets more lucky and popular at some time. She’s still under 30 (28 years old), so she has most of her live before her, and already an impressive filmography. I wish her all the best.

[ajp3mbgk-blog]

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