#which makes me think huh maybe i should give tokyo ghoul another chance

[i-am-a-megalodon]

Literally me. I hear cool music and then later discover it's from an anime.

[tenmillionotters]

Masquerade

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Marude Itsuki/Washuu Yoshitoki

Character: Marude Itsuki, Washuu Yoshitoki

Word count: 4953

Additional information: Pre-Canon, Public Sex, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Love, Guilt

Itsuki took his time, he didn’t want to walk back into the bar and face with friends with swollen and bloodshot eyes, but they were way to drunk and careless, nobody would notice anyway. While he called them friends, it was questionable whether they really cared. Okay, no, he shouldn’t think of them like that. It wasn’t fair. So, he walked back to them, smiling tired.

“There he is!”

“H-Huh what is -” All of the sudden he was pulled back by his friend who grinned as soon as he saw him.

Read at AO3 or under the cut

“Come on… don’t gimme that look Maru-chan.” Houji wrapped his arm around the young man and squeezed him. “You haven’t even touched your drink yet, what’s wrong, hm? Talk to me.”

“… I don’t really feel like it.” He shoved him away and sighed, he was so drunk he wouldn’t even be able to comprehend a single word Itsuki said, plus he wouldn’t remember this conversation tomorrow. But all he wanted was for someone to listen to him, he just wanted someone to comfort him, tell him it’s okay…

The whole root of the problem was a failed training session under the critical eyes of the CCG’s director Washuu Tsuneyoshi. Itsuki’s instructor had praised him for his exceptional skills when it came to handling sniper rifles but when he had to perform a training session in front of the director and his subordinates he panicked. He fucked up.

“Hey Itsuki where are you going -”

He didn’t want to talk now, he just wanted to forget, but all he could do was cry and if he had to do it, then at least not in front of his colleagues, so he fled in the restroom.

“Excuse me…”

Houji turned his head to the voice in the off and smiled brightly. “Yes? How can I help you?”

Itsuki took his time, he didn’t want to walk back into the bar and face with friends with swollen and bloodshot eyes, but they were way to drunk and careless, nobody would notice anyway. While he called them friends, it was questionable whether they really cared. Okay, no, he shouldn’t think of them like that. It wasn’t fair. So, he walked back to them, smiling tired.

“There he is!”

“H-Huh what is -” All of the sudden he was pulled back by his friend who grinned as soon as he saw him.

“You good sir, seem to have a boyfriend… no date… someone, wants to leave with you tonight - he’s already waiting for you, I said you’re a good guy, you’ll leave with him. Pretty handsome - you’ll like him.”

Now Houji was not only drunk but also delusional, but Itsuki stood no chance when they forcefully pushed in in the direction of the front door. They didn’t lie, there was a man standing in a darker part of the street, he waved lightly at Itsuki.

Should he really walk over to him? Maybe just to tell him that this wouldn’t end in the way he wanted it to. No. He wasn’t like that. “L-Listen I don’t know what my friends told you … b-but I’m really not like this I -”

“Oh no, don’t worry I have no malicious intent, let’s just go for a walk, I promise… we won’t do anything you’ll regret later.” He had a charming smile and a smooth way of talking, something about him was familiar but Itsuki wasn’t too sure what it was.

“… okay…” Why couldn’t he just walk back in? Why couldn’t just say no?

“You seem stressed, is something wrong?” He was so soft spoken, something about the tone of his voice made Itsuki wish he could just jump into his arms and cry all his emotions out.

“I… fucked up pretty badly in front of my boss today… you know… and the worst is that his son is my partner -” Just thinking about letting Chika down made his heart sink. “… I just can’t believe that really happened.”

“Your partner?”

“W-Work wise!” Itsuki laughed nervously. “… he’s not… my boyfriend.” He wouldn’t even dare to think of something like that happening to him. “Before you ask… I am not sure what I feel for him. He’s…” Yes, what was he? “… out of my league.”

The next thing Itsuki knew was how he was pulled into a dark alleyway by force, the stranger had slipped on a mask by now, one that covered half of his face, but only the upper half. Oh no. Oh God no, Itsuki knew these kind of masks, it was a ghoul hunting mask.

Cold sweat ran down his body and he started to shiver, he did have combat training but he had never been confronted with a ghoul in a situation like this, a situation in which he was completely help- and defenceless.

“Don’t worry…” The man whispered. “I won’t eat you…” He moved closer to him and pushed him against the wall. “You know I’ve been watching you the whole night, it’s such a shame that nobody kisses your pretty lips…”

Itsuki inhaled sharply as he felt his fingers brush against them, for some reason he just wanted to grab the man and lock lips with him, prove to him that it was indeed a shame that nobody kissed him. Why was he so upset all of the sudden? All he could think about were the nasty looks he got at work from his co-workers when he stared at Chika for too long again. When he just couldn’t help but …

The ghoul started grinning as he felt their lips lock, it seemed like his human was pretty eager, he’d help him out with that little problem he had. “Already hard from just one kiss…? You’re so cute.”

“I-” Fuck. He didn’t have to justify himself right now, but he felt so weak, he didn’t want to fight this feeling. Yes, he never had sex before, he’d probably hate himself after doing it with a stranger but for someone reason he didn’t want him to stop, he didn’t want to do it with anyone else not even… with Chika. “Please…”

“Hm…?”

“D-Do whatever… you have to do just…” Itsuki felt tears flood his eyes as he dug his fingers deep into the fabric of his jacket. “… please…”

“Don’t cry… I’ll take good care of you… Promise.” Their lips locked again, this time gentler, more passionate.

It felt so good that Itsuki opened his mouth, let him in, he felt his hand rub over the bulge in his pants and he moaned into the kiss. Being touched by another person felt so good, he could barely describe this feeling, the tingling, the heat, the excitement.

The stranger slowly opened his pants and pulled them down, now the investigator nervously looked around. “Don’t worry.” The ghoul laughed and he kissed his neck. “Nobody will disturb us, this is my hunting ground.”

A shiver ran down Itsuki’s spine, was he joking or was he serious? He was a fucking ghoul why did he even question if he was serious not - … but still he just couldn’t let go of him. He wanted more, he wanted to feel him, he wanted to taste his kisses and -

“God yes… “ His fingers moved deep inside of Itsuki’s body. “Yes… moan a little louder, come on, I want to hear you.”

Did he really get off by… just listening to him moan? Not that Itsuki had any other choice than to do so, his cock was throbbing and it felt so incredibly good to feel his fingers stimulate his prostate. It was never touched before so it was a new sensation to him, overwhelmed by the feeling Itsuki started screaming and moaning out loudly, he didn’t care if anyone would hear, he didn’t care if anyone would see them… it just felt too good to be finally good enough for someone.

They breathed heavily, it was so good just to see him get off by this, how Itsuki moaned and pressed his eyes shut, how he opened them just to roll them up, how his body shivered and moved in the same rhythm as his fingers. He was so needy…

What was even going on…? Did this really happen? Did he really fuck a stranger he just met a few minutes ago, in a dark alleyway now? Maybe this was just the sad highlight of his pathetic life, but right now… in this very moment it felt amazing. His fingers dug deeper into the other’s jacket as tried to suppress his moans, the sensation was overwhelming it really didn’t help that he licked and bit his sensitive skin. Even though it was a ghoul he never bit down hard, only lightly, it didn’t cause pain, only pleasure.

“I wish you could see yourself right now… you’re driving me crazy you know that…? You look so innocent but you’re so good damn needy, how many times did you do it yourself, hm? What do you think about when you get off?”

Itsuki opened his eyes and cold sweat ran down his spine. He didn’t want to think about Chika no, God no he didn’t want to moan out his name while someone else fucked up, this wasn’t right no… “My partner… from work…”

“Is that so…” A wide grin formed on the ghoul’s lips and he pressed them on Itsuki’s again, their tongues rubbed against each other as his fingers moved faster.

Nothing made sense anymore, shouldn’t this guy be upset? Who’d be happy if someone told you they’re thinking about someone else while you fucked them? Maybe they really did function differently than humans but now he really couldn’t care less, his legs started shaking violently as he came all over the stranger’s shirt, but neither of them cared, their bodies pressed against each other as they tried to catch a breath. It almost felt like an embrace… well almost.

“It’s okay.” The words sounded so distant. “It’s been a long day, I’ll make sure that you’ll get back home.” What did he mean? But the next thing that Itsuki knew was how he collapsed right into the stranger’s arms, slowly losing consciousness.

He pulled his mask off and tried to close his coat while holding Itsuki, he was heavy but it was bearable. All he had to do was to get to the next street corner where his driver was waiting.

“Young master, what -”

“It’s okay. He’s just tired, we’ll drive him back to his flat and then we’ll leave immediately.” There was no chance he’d give away his true identity to him just now… or ever…

So, he lived in a small apartment in one of the less luxurious areas of Tokyo, it seemed like besides him a few families with children and students lived in the building complex. Everyone, aside from the students was asleep at this point. If they were noisy…? Apparently not.

It was hard to carry Itsuki upstairs but he managed, then he pulled his keys out of his jacket. He carefully unlocked the door and carried Itsuki inside, his flat was clean, half empty, his scent lingering in the air. No, he had pull himself together, this wasn’t the time for some delusional fantasies about settling down and being domestic. He had to hurry up and leave as soon as possible, it didn’t matter how much he wanted to stay. It was wrong.

Once the thrill and excitement of having sex with the man he loved for the first time was gone, all he felt was guilt and a stinging pain in his chest. He shouldn’t have done it. At least not like this… he carefully placed Itsuki on his bed, undressed him and tugged him in. Minutes would pass, he’d stand beside him frozen in awe until he realised that this wasn’t right.

… but one more kiss wouldn’t hurt, right? He bent down and kissed Itsuki’s forehead, he smiled before he rubbed his head against his pillow. Did he wake up? Now it really was time to leave. “Good night…”

Itsuki blinked into the bright sunlight and rubbed his eyes, what day was it…? What happened last night? As the realisation hit he pulled his legs closer to his body and tried to pretend that it wasn’t shame that washed over his body and left him feeling numb. Was it a workday today? Oh, it was and he was already running late.

It wasn’t the first time he overslept, it happened every now and then but he always got to work on time, today it was a little harder. By the time, he left his flat he was sure he’d be late.

“Maru!”

His heart jumped hearing his name being called out so cheerfully, Chika was completely unaware to his feelings for him and to what happened the night before… how he filled his mind while someone else fucked him.

“Chika what are you doing here?” He tried to smile but he felt so incredibly guilty for something that would never bother the other in the slightest way. He didn’t care, he didn’t love him.

“I just dropped Matsuri-chan off at school, it’s close to your home so I thought we could drive to work together.”

“A-Ah, yes that sounds great!” How did he know where he lived…? Oh right, he was his father’s employee it would be surprising if he didn’t have access to information about him and since they were partner… how many background checks did they perform on their employees anyway, now that he thought about it, it was a little unsettling.

“Great!” Chika smiled brightly as he gestured for Maru to get in the car. It seemed like he really didn’t notice his partner’s anxiety at all.

His stomach turned, grumbled and growled. It was embarrassing but he was so nervous. Itsuki noticed how Chika looked at him, he seems to be worried. So, he did notice…

“Maru, Shinohara told me what happened. I talked to my father.” He seemed somewhat distant now, distant and cold. “You seemed to be really worked up after the training yesterday, but please don’t worry about it now. I showed father some of the tapes from the previous training sessions and he was positively surprised by your skills.”

“… you didn’t have to do that…” Shouldn’t he say ‘Thank you’? Why couldn’t he just shake this off feeling off and just look at Chika? Why couldn’t he just be grateful?

“Is something wrong…?”

Even though his answer was no, he couldn’t face his friend. Of course, he knew that he had just lied to him, he wasn’t stupid. They know each other well enough.

“…. did something happen last night?”

Memories flooded Itsuki’s mind and he nervously shifted in his seat. “N-Nothing interesting.” He felt cold sweat running down his forehead as he stared out of the window. “I don’t think it’s worth talking about.”

“Is that so.” There was something in his voice that left Itsuki’s confused, but Chika wouldn’t explain himself at all and he wouldn’t ask.

“Did you see it?”

“I can’t believe this is happening.”

His fingers dug deep into the papers in his hand. He just wanted to copy them and focus on his work, but it seemed like nothing was unseen by the watchful eyes of his co-workers. There had been several rumours revolving about Chika and him in the past, whether they had sex, whether he was sleeping his way up the CCG.

Itsuki felt their piercing glares and he felt his stomach turn, maybe he’d find a chance to excuse himself for a few hours, he just didn’t want to be confronted with their false judgement of his character and them jumping to conclusions.

“Marude!”

It was so good to hear Houji calling out to him, at least his friend wouldn’t judge him.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re okay…”

What did he mean?

Houji grabbed his co-worker by the shoulders and examined him. “… I’m so sorry… I was so out of it yesterday I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“Nothing happened. You don’t have to worry.” There was no way he could ever admit that he had sex with a ghoul in a dark alleyway while he thought about his partner. “I wasn’t drunk and neither was… that guy. We split up pretty quickly.”

There was a hint of relief in Houji’s expression as well as disbelief. Whatever it was, Maru was hiding something from him and he couldn’t help but feel guilty to letting something like this happen. “Oh… you’re also on patrol duty today for some reason. Alone. I will never understand what is going on in the Washuu’s heads…”

Neither would Itsuki. He was wandering through his district over an hour by now, there was no immediate thread, thank goodness, he’d might die if he’d try fighting them alone. His gaze wandered up at the clear blue sky, the sun blinded him. Didn’t ghouls only attack at night…?

A sudden glimpse at a dark figure running past him in the corner of his eye startled him, should he run after it? No, he was alone that was a horrible idea. But curiosity got the best of him and he followed the shadow figure to an empty apartment complex. Okay now that was really the most stupid thing he had ever done.

Itsuki’s gaze wandered, his heart beat faster and he felt shivers run down his spine. This place was abandoned. It was like a graveyard, if something would happen to him here nobody would ever know. He exhaled deeply and carefully took a step back.

“Are you planning to leave already?”

This voice…! Itsuki exhaled sharply as he felt the ghouls hand run over his chest, his buttocks were pressed against the other’s erection and he could feel his own body react to the thrill. “… so, it was you…” Should he be relieved or upset now?

“I can’t just walk up to you and ask you to follow me, can I?” It felt so good to know that Itsuki wanted him just as much, grinding his hips against him, eager to feel his cock pressed between his buttocks. “You’re so needy, did you miss me?”

“Maybe.” No, that was a lie. Knowing that someone else actually had the desire to fuck him was boosting his confidence in the strangest way he could imagine. Did it feel good? It did, but at the same time he felt incredibly dirty. He wasn’t doing this with the man he loved, but a complete stranger. This wasn’t making love, this was fucking. They got off and that was it.

“Relax.” He whispered as he slowly unbuckled Itsuki’s belt. “I’ll be good to you.” The ghouls hand slipped into the investigator’s boxer shorts, his fingertips teased Itsuki’s cock until he started whimpering and begging for him to do it right. “Do you want me that much?”

“Yes, I do -” Where was his shame now? Why didn’t he ask himself why he was doing this with a stranger? He’d hate himself later, but Itsuki couldn’t deny that he enjoyed it, feeling his fingers tease his anus while his teeth sunk into his neck. It was ecstatic, his voice echoed through the empty building, it sounded foreign to him. Was this really… his own voice?

“If you moan like that you only make it harder for me not to fuck you right away… but your tight little ass isn’t ready yet.” He’d lie if he said that he wasn’t just as impatient, all he wanted to do was to slowly push his dripping cock into Itsuki and fuck him just as slow until he’d beg for him to faster. But the sounds he made while his fingers moved in his ass were addictive, Itsuki was so sensitive and needy.

“Fuck me already -” He didn’t want to come just because someone fingered his ass, all he wanted was to someone else move inside him, taint him. Maybe this was the only chance he’d ever get to do something like this and he really couldn’t care less about his partner being a ghoul.

“Eager, aren’t we?” When he was honest he’d had been waiting for these words the whole time. The ghoul used one hand to spread his ass cheeks, holding his hard cock in the other.

Itsuki pressed his hand on his mouth as he felt him slowly entering his body, it felt so good… but he couldn’t just start screaming.

“Ah… I want to hear you… tell me how it feels…” A twisted grin formed on the ghoul’s lips before be licked Itsuki’s bleeding neck wound. “You’re all mine now… I want everyone to know that… so don’t hold back, scream as loud as you can.”

Why was he so goddamn obedient…? Itsuki slowly lowered his hand just to find them pressed against his thighs as the ghoul pinned them down, making sure he wouldn’t get any ideas again. “I-It feels amazing -” His voice trembled and his moans were whiny and drawn out, but who said it wasn’t sexy?

“Mhm… that’s what I like to hear…” Then he started moving slowly, his cock was way too large for someone who’d never taking it up the ass before but neither of them wanted to stop. “You feel so good -” Tight and hot, every time his cock brushed over Itsuki’s prostate he felt a wave of excitement wash over his body.

How rhythmical his body moved, he sure knew what he was doing, meanwhile Itsuki had no idea. He just let him have it his way, let him live out his fantasies. Right now, he was nothing but a marionette to the other’s lust but he didn’t care. As their lips touched he tasted stale blood, well wasn’t it his own…? But it felt so good to feel their tongues brush against each other, feel him moan into the kiss while he fucked him relentlessly.

His hand wrapped tightly around Itsuki’s leaking cock while he stroked it gently, feeling hot cum cover his hands. The moans Itsuki no longer tried to suppress sounded like music in his ears, it felt so good to know that he wanted him just as much. Their bodies were thrusting against each other so hard that he got a little worried, but Itsuki assured him that it was okay. “I wish you could see how beautiful you are.”

Now he was joking right…? Itsuki whimpered lightly, he wanted to protest but he just couldn’t say anything, it was hard with a finger in his mouth, pressing down his tongue.

“I…” No, no he couldn’t say it. God no. Don’t ruin it now. “… want you so much.”

His eyes slowly rolled up as he lost all control over his senses, he felt his lover’s cock thrust into him, teasing his prostate while one hand pumped his cock and the other one teased his mouth. If there was one thing he was certain about it was that he’d come very very soon.

“I’m close…” The ghoul whined while he kissed Itsuki’s neck. He didn’t want to make a sound, he wanted to focus on Itsuki, he only wanted to listen to the sounds he made. There was nothing enjoyable about this existence but he loved everything about him.

“Me too -” Now that his tongue was free again he did start to miss the feeling of his fingers in his mouth but now his voice was even louder than before, he didn’t care if anyone heard him or not. If they did it was even better. One last thrust was needed and he came all over the other’s hand, while he felt his cock pump hot semen in his ass.

“What a waste…” He stared down on his hand and then lifted it to his mouth and licked the cum off.

Meanwhile Itsuki tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. Did he really just have his first time in an empty apartment building… with a ghoul… he got dressed and didn’t dare to look at the other. When he finally built up the courage he was alone again. “…” Not that he expected anything else.

“Maru!” He heard someone call out his name cheerfully as he walked back into the CCG’s main building. Of course, it had to be Chika, the last person he wanted to see in this moment.

“D-Did something happen…?”

There was this bright smile on his face, the one he always had when something went just according to his plan. “No, I’m just glad to see you. I’m sorry that my…” Did something else catch his attention all of the sudden? “You’re bleeding.”

Without a warming Chika dragged him along to the medical wing of the building. Before anyone could even spare a thought about it, Chika let them know that it was his task to take care of Marude.

“I can do this myself…” He murmured but then Chika leaned in closer, a serious expression on his face.

“Someone bit you so hard it left a mark, what happened Maru?” There was an odd look on his face, a look that Itsuki couldn’t interpret. Was he angry?

“Nothing…” The last thing he’d do would be telling Chika this amusing story of how he just had sex for the first time in the ruin of an apartment complex with a ghoul that should have most probably killed instantly.

“Itsuki.” His tone was sober and cold. “I don’t want anyone else to see this. I don’t want you to get into trouble.” Then he turned away, his lips curling into a pleased smile.

Meanwhile Itsuki tried to keep the tears and his emotions at bay, after all these horrible things he had done, maybe even hoping he could forget Chika, he still cared about him. The moment he called him by his first name, was the moment that he knew that no matter what would happen next, he couldn’t continue living like this. He couldn’t forget Chika, he never would. Didn’t he promise himself that he’d wait for him…? Even if that meant that they’d never be together, he’d at least would have almost been honest to himself and his feelings.

In the weeks that followed the incident, Itsuki tried to actively avoid Chika. He even played with the thought of asking to work with someone else but he knew that seeing him around someone else would be worse than the guilt he felt when he was around him. At least the stupid rumours about them stopped once Itsuki got enough distance, now nobody wouldn’t bother Chika about it ever again.

But the harder he tried to forget Chika, the more he found himself thinking about him and the worst was, these thoughts were the most prominent when he had sex with the other man. They fucked relentlessly, Itsuki wanted to feel dirty, he wanted to hate himself afterwards… and then, he vanished for his life too.

Until he was send onto patrol all by himself once more. Walking through a dark alley, lost in his own thoughts he didn’t realise that someone was following him. Not until he was pinned against a wall. No… it was… a hug? “W-What…” He felt tears cloud up his vision, his arms were shaking as he hesitantly hugged the ghoul, he wanted to cry, he wanted to tell him to get lost but it felt good to be reunited with him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you… I’m sorry that I didn’t -” Whatever he was about to say now, Itsuki didn’t want to hear it, so he gently placed his finger on his lips.

“… I’m sorry.” Was he now being honest to himself or was he being hypocritical. “I can’t do this anymore. I must be honest to myself and my feelings… there’s a man I love and… I thought that I could forget him if we’d only have enough sex with each other but the more I try to forget him the more I wish that it was him I’m getting intimate with… and not you. I couldn’t even look at him when I got back to work after we had sex… I don’t know what will happen if we keep on doing this. I want to be honest to myself this time and -”

“Itsuki.”

No.

“I think I have to be honest too.”

This was a lie, right?

The ghoul slowly took of his mask and deactivated his kakugan. “… I… I’m so sorry and if you hate me now -”

Chika could have never predicted how Itsuki would react, if was too difficult this situation was far from anything they had ever experienced before and the last thing he expected was a kiss.

“I hate you.” Large tears streamed down his face while he tried to catch his breath. “How could you do this to me…” But the more he tried to vocalise this anger the tighter he held Chika in his arms. “… I love you so much…”

“I’m so sorry…” He wasn’t even in the position to say these words, he had no right to claim Itsuki but he wanted to finally be honest to himself too. “I… I was scared because of what my father would say… what you would say, I thought you’d reject me…” After all, Itsuki always wanted to do what’s right and it was debatable how moral it was to start an affair with a Washuu. “… and what you’d think of me once you know… of my true nature.”

Those were valid arguments, for a moment Itsuki didn’t know what to say, how to react, but then he made a decision for himself, one that determined their future. “If the past months have proven something to me, then if was that I love you…” His hands gently cupped the other’s face as he looked into his eyes. “Chika I want to be with you, I don’t care if you’re a human or a ghoul.”

“I don’t deserve you…” His voice broke as he started crying while Itsuki still held him tightly in his arms.

“You do…” Itsuki gently kissed the tears away before he kissed his lips. “… it wasn’t easy for either of us… was it?”

“It wasn't… but from now on I’ll love you as the man I am.”