#which like! thought we progressed past that final one but like. two steps forward one back sometimes u know

[ohsweetflips]

nights that i’m like. huh! maybe this is dysphoria!

[easy-there-leftovers]

As Cool As I Think I Am

Summary: The 5 times Spencer tries to be cool, and the 1 time he doesn't care. 

Alternatively; Spencer never thought he was cool, but he found himself wanting to be just for you. 

[a/n] Recommended to be read after, "A Question Unasked", and is a roundabout sequel to "Mixed Messages."

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem! (mentored by Hotch!) reader| cw: slight spoilers for s1e04, s1e06, s1e08, s1e10, and s1e18 | description of canon-typical violence, timeframe switches because I can, and Spencer being an oblivious, lovesick idiot (can't believe this version of him survived all of this lol) | word count: 7.2k

Amazing. You had called him, “amazing” during the Arizona case and that was all that had been occupying his mind as of late. He had been called brilliant before. Been described as bright, gifted, hell, he was called a genius even. Yet that was the first time anyone had said anything positive about him.

Removed from his intellectual capabilities.

It made him think that there was more that he could offer than just his never-ending stream of knowledge and incessant rambling.

You had seen that in him.

Seen that he was 'amazing.'

But he certainly wasn’t feeling that way now.

“On SWAT we broke shots down into three steps." Spencer nodded as he listened.

"One: Front sight. Focus on the front sight, not on the target. Two: Controlled trigger press. Three: Follow through. After the shot, you come right back to the target. Now, what did you do wrong?”

He sighs with his eyes closed. “I didn't follow through.” 

“Right. You came off the target to see where you hit.”

Hotch had been observing him for the past few minutes to prepare him for his assessment tomorrow, and yet it still felt like he was making no discernable progress. 

He had memorized every trick, every form, every physics interplay that could better the ballistics of his shot and yet he still couldn't do it.

"Hotch, my firearms qualification is tomorrow morning. I barely passed my last one." He had said, putting the gun down.

He feels his unit chief gently push him aside to demonstrate and he gets in position.

"Front sight," He aims his gun.

"Trigger press," He presses down on the trigger, resulting in a gunshot to the target.

"Follow through." He finally says. Keeping his eyes forward with his finger still depressing the trigger until he holsters his gun again.

"You do those three things, you'll hit your target every time." Spencer shakes his head.

He tries to replicate the steps again, but only fails miserably.

He has been doing that. He is doing that. And yet he still keeps missing.

If this wasn't part of his job, maybe he wouldn't have cared all too much about his gun proficiency. Or lack of.

And yet it was.

And it was imperative that he learned it to keep his place on the team, but he had been losing hope.

"They're going to take away my gun."

Sensing his frustration, Hotch empathizes with him.

"Profilers aren't required to carry." He groans at that.

"Yeah, but she does and she's great at it."

God, you must've thought he was pathetic.

Aaron laughs internally at that. He knows exactly who the younger one is talking about.

He had seen the way that Spencer had been watching his 'protege,' and it didn't take being a profiler to know that he was absolutely smitten. If he hadn't known any better, he would've thought that Reid's frustrations stemmed from wanting to seem more experienced in front of you.

And Hotch saw no problem with that, at least for now. On the contrary, the two of you working together seemed to have bolstered his focus on the case. Making the team more efficient with their investigations.

He also thinks that it helped because you seemed to return Reid's sentiment, which is why he had brought you along to help him.

So when Spencer turns and sees you walk in, he blanches.

As much as he really liked your presence (you were friends, right?), he really didn't want to embarrass himself in front of you.

He does that more than enough on his own.

But it seemed like your mentor didn't care.

Hotch says your name with a greeting before excusing himself which tells Spencer that he had planned this from the start. He sighs at that. Chest feeling heavy at the pressure.

He sees you give him a polite smile, which he's come to recognize to be your way of easing him, and he returns it.

"I've heard about your progress." Spencer rolls his eyes at that.

"More like regress. I'm sorry that you have to be here." You snort at his joke but shake your head to assure him.

"I'm right where I want to be. "

His heart fills, even though he knows that not what you meant.

"Why don't you go ahead and show me how you fire that gun?"

He nods and waits for you to put on your ear muffs and goggles before he returns to his position. Calming himself down as he remembers Hotch's words.

Front sight, trigger press, follow through.

He fires three bullets and sees them all hit the whites of the target, which makes him sigh for the umpteenth time.

He puts the gun down and lowers his ear muffs to look at you. Seemingly deep in thought, chin resting on your hand, with eyes travelling slowly up and down his form. Observing.

Scrutinizing.

Assessing.

He can't help but feel naked under your gaze.

He always knew you were smart. The cases you've helped solve were more than proof of just that, but he knew that even you couldn't solve the mystery that was his aim.

He couldn't expect that of you. He relies on you so often already.

He briefly wonders how there's such a different between you and him. You joined the same year, joined the same unit, and worked with the same people on the same cases. How was it that you seemed calmer, cooler, and more prepared for anything more than he ever was?

Spencer firmly believes that intelligence cannot be quantified. And if anyone ever doubted him, he would just point at you and say that you had him beat everywhere despite what any number might have to say otherwise.

Case and point. you had been talking to him about something very important and thoughtful and he had been zoning out the entire time.

"I um,–– what?"

You shake your head and gesture to his gun once more. "Show me your form again."

He takes his gun hesitantly, but readies himself the same way he did earlier. The only exception being that his finger isn't on the trigger.

He hears that telltale, almost bored, 'hm' of yours before you speak again.

"Tuck your chest in."

He's read countless firearm manuals and instructions and he's never heard of that before.

"I'm sorry?"

"Tuck your chest in." You say it again, but it's still not making sense to him.

Unable to voice or even act upon his confusion, he watches as you wait with an impassive face before asking,

"Can I touch you?" He lets out a shaky, but immediate 'yes' and you move to stand beside him.

Given your calm and nonchalant demeanor, he anticipates a more impersonal touch. For lack of a better word. He expects a shove. Maybe a push, to correct him into the right place.

So when your hand comes to softly rest on his stomach, fingers splaying across the expanse of his undefined abdominal muscles, he feels his breath hitch. Upper body slightly crumpling in on himself as he does.

He's surprised he hasn't dropped his gun.

"Dr. Reid,"

He's also surprised that his heart hasn't stopped. With how you said his name, and how close you are– he can already feel your soft breath gracing his ear–

"You're an autodidact, aren't you?"

A self-taught person, he thinks.

"I–– I am." Curse his shaky voice.

"You know, there are some things that can't be learned by just reading textbooks and looking at diagrams."

He feels you tap his stomach and he suddenly feels hot.

"Feel this?" He feels you engulfing his senses, that's for sure. But he nods slowly.

"Remember it. Your center of gravity is different from the subjects in those graphics. So the form you need to take is likewise different."

And just like that, all too quick for his liking, you move away. Hand leaving him just like whatever depraved thought might've been running around his head.

He hesitantly looks back at you, and you gesture to his gun again. Noticing how your free hand is resting on the gun in your holster.

A Glock 19, he remembers.

"Go ahead and shoot like that now."

He does, in the same way that he's compelled to follow your voice like always–

Front sight, trigger press, follow through.

And fires three shots.

To his surprise, he manages to shoot the target's chest. Not quite centered, he admits, but its a vast improvement from his previous attempts.

"I– I did it." He feels the disbelief on his face when he looks at you again. He's expecting you to look just as shocked as he does. After all, you saw just how egregious his aim was. So it surprises him when he turns and is greeted instead with the small smile on your face.

Not the same polite smile that you usually give when you're at work, no. It was a soft, genuine smile, or so he thinks.

"I never doubted your capabilities, Dr. Reid."

He beams under your praise. Blooming like a flower under the warm radiance of the Sun. Once again subject to that brain-freezing sensation from a few weeks ago.

If he just remembers everything you told him today, which wasn't a lot, he theoretically should pass his firearm qualifications with no problem.

And maybe, just maybe, he'll get to see you smile at him again.

After all, he had always wanted for you to look at him. Actually look at him.

Maybe if he passes his test this time, you will.

----

The following day, he doesn’t pass his test.

And he is much more embarrassed now than he ever was before. 

He returns to the bullpen with his head down. Already expecting everyone to know of his failure.

He really didn't want to see if you were one of the ones that had been looking at him.

What he doesn't see is that you were.

But you weren't disappointed at all. You wanted nothing more than to reassure him. To tell him that you could always help him again, and that you didn't mind the extra work if it weren't for the stares that you had been getting back.

Seemingly turning your what-would've-been act of friendship and care into an expectation and responsibility.

"Make a wish!"

"Come on, man. Blow, baby, blow!"

"I thought you were full of hot air, Reid."

"They're trick candles, Spence, okay? They–– They're going to come back on every time."

While Spencer is glad that he’s spending his birthday with actual people, there's one in particular that he's missing.

He also feels sort of embarrassed that he's having a full-on birthday at his workplace. Though he is very thankful that his friends care about him enough to do this.

"Hope you like chocolate." JJ says with a laugh and he is only now recognizing the cake. Previously too caught up in blowing out the undying flames to even notice the festive dessert that supported them.

"Where's the cake from?" The blonde only gives him a look that he can't quite understand, but he is immediately distracted when he feels a draft from where Hotch passes by him.

He looks in the direction he came from and lo and behold, he found the very person he was missing.

He gets up, wanting to at least get a greeting from you, but he's interrupted by Gideon asking him something before he can even try.

"You having fun?"

He knows that he's asking him, but he can also see how his eyes aren't quite addressing him back. Instead, looking up a few inches above him.

He gives a tight lip smile when he realizes just what he's looking at.

God, he felt pathetic.

“Yes, definitely. I am definitely– having fun.” 

"Make a wish?" He asks another question and that’s when Spencer sees what he's doing now.

Ever since he first exhibited signs of interest in you, he knew that his mentor would be the first to clock them. He couldn't even hide it if he tried. If there was anyone on the team that he knew would figure it out this quick, it would've been him.

He expected it.

What he didn't expect was for Gideon to show disapproval for it.

For you.

Back during the Arizona case, he remembers how Gideon had interrupted you when you were explaining something. And that's when he realized you were going to have a hard time.

You were going to have a hard time because of his own rapidly growing interest.

Because he froze when you said one nice thing about him, then proceeded to wow him with your observational skills.

He didn't want Gideon to think that you were being a distraction to him, so he instead chose to show just how well the two of you had worked together. Even going as far as to double down and reiterate your statements to convince him of that.

And it seemed to have worked, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Can I take this hat off?"

He wanted nothing more than to do just that before you notice him, but his mentor just shook his head.

"I wouldn't."

He doesn't know it's because Gideon knew you found it cute.

By the time that he notices the elder doesn't really care about the conversation anymore, probably too distracted by the TV behind him, his gaze finally focuses on you.

The very person that he had intended to talk to.

The one he intended to talk the entire time before he got sidetracked.

You still hadn't turned to look at him though, or make an attempt to greet him. Not even a laugh to mock him for the huge, 'Happy Birthday' hat that sat on his head to make him look like a dunce!

Instead, you were staring at something. Or rather, someone.

He turns his head to look just where you were and there he sees his unit chief, your mentor, on the receiving end of your intense gaze.

Just like always.

He shakes his head and decides to just go talk to you, but he is once again interrupted. This time by Hotch with a solemn expression on his face.

“Sorry guys. Party’s over.”

You immediately spring into action at his words, completely missing his hand that was just about to come up to wave at you. He tightens his lips into a thin smile.

Spencer's starting to doubt Morgan and Elle's words.

–––––––––––––

The sentiment is rectified when he finally receives the one thing he had been looking forward to on his birthday, and it wasn't the gift.

Not even the greeting.

It was being able to be in your presence. Being able to spend time with you. The you that wasn't so stressed or strict about work, or the case, or your boss.

It was just him and you. You and him. And the scarf that seemed to warm him just as much as his heart warmed at the sight of your smiling face.

God, what he would do to have this with you forever.

Spencer is well aware that likes you.

Hell, even the rest of team knows it by now, but he's starting to fear that his unconscious mind is more aware of that than his conscious one.

Case and point, he had been having dreams.

Nightmares, actually.

Nightmares that he can't help but think will happen if he takes his eyes off of you for even a second.

Morgan had asked him earlier when he was making coffee if something was causing him to lose sleep. If you had been causing him to lose sleep, he had asked with a teasing smirk.

And while normally he would've flushed and stumbled at his implication that a night of you had been keeping him up, he admits to what's been plaguing his mind.

Naturally, he doesn't tell him the full nature of his night terrors. But his friend doesn't need him to. Not with the way that his eyes try to find yours every chance he gets, focus going in and out of the conversation like an adjusting lens.

Spencer fears that one day, no matter how strong or smart or clever you are, it's his negligence that'll place you on the receiving end of a killer's weapon.

And that there's nothing that he can do to stop them from landing the finishing blow.

He knows that it's not rational, but he also knows that dreams are rarely, if not never, rational. Studies show that around seventy to eighty-percent of dreams contain bizarre or irrational elements. This included unusual settings, impossible scenarios, and illogical developments to be featured in the unconscious brain.

Doesn't mean that he's alright with seeing it so often, though.

What's worse is that he knows that it can very much happen during the BAU cases. And that he can't even prepare himself for that scenario.

He's practically deadweight on the field with his still erratic aim and bambi legs, he's surprised you aren't sick of him yet.

He laughs a bit at the thought. Clutching a portion of his scarf—the only thing that has been keeping the nightmares at bay— as he promises himself that he won't leave your side.

Especially not in the confounding forest of McAllister, Virginia.

Which is why he's stuck in his current position.

“Dr. Reid, I need you to check back downhill and see if the deputies have returned.” He looks at you incredulously.

“What? No! I can’t leave you here– ” 

He doesn't know what exactly you found in the abandoned house, but he knew that it wasn't wise to leave you with no one but a high schooler.

You might think he's not all that different from the kid, but he's at least trained to be an FBI agent.

“We need the rest of the sheriffs and the crime scene team here.”

You looked dead into his eyes, yet he still didn't relent. No matter how reasonable your request was.

In any other situation, he might've thought you were cool. That you were handling the situation like a natural, and that you were very responsible for taking charge when he was there with his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.

But he didn't want to leave you. Not when you looked like you've just seen a ghost.

He grasped your shoulders, firmly but gently, and practically begged for you to come with him.

Stating that what you were feeling was a completely normal physiological response. That your body was sending neropinephrine to your brain to help regulate the stress and compensate for whatever was happening inside of you and that it would be safer to stay together––

But when he sees you ice him out– concealing all remaining traces of shock or fear or worry– he freezes.

His eyes raked across your features, biding his time. Committing every micro-reaction, every hair out of place, every faux-calm movement of your eyes before he had to let you go with a nod. Leaving hurriedly to find anyone that can help and constantly looking back at you to assure his consciousness that you were fine, and that you would be fine.

When he saw that the other sheriff wasn't there yet, much less anyone for that matter, he immediately went back. Running uphill fast to get to you.

To make sure that you were alright, that you were alive, and that no one was coming to hurt you.

Which is how he found himself here.

Gun held to his head by the very high schooler that, he thought, wouldn't have been of help if another dangerous person had shown up.

When you raised your hands and dropped your gun in surrender, he was scared of what would happen to you both if he didn't act quick.

But he was even more scared of what could happen to you if he doesn't talk his way out.

Fast.

So that's what he did.

––––––––––

He didn't get to check on you, he realizes.

He knew you were able to knock the kid out, he was there when he helped you distract him, but he must’ve been wheezing because he was the first one to get ushered out and checked on.

He wants to tell them to check on you. That you had landed pretty badly when the unsub was able to push you back, but he can hardly even hear his own thoughts.

The siren of the police car, the medic talking to him, the rest of the team discussing the case's outcome, and his own heart in his ears were simply too much for him.

By the time that things had settled down, he notices that you still aren't there with him. He worries and whips his head around wildly before his eyes find yours already looking at him.

Doing so with an expression of regret or grief etched onto your face.

He sighs in relief, and gives you the best smile he can give to assure you that he's okay despite having been worried sick.

He needed you to know that he was fine. That it wasn’t your fault. That he was glad you're okay too.

That he was so impressed with what you had done despite the circumstances, and that you had handled the situation way better than he knew anyone on the team ever could.

So when you seem to turn away from him, he briefly wonders if something was actually wrong.

He tries to look back on what might've happened. Wonders if there's something he didn't see when he came back, or when he was away––

And that's when he realizes something.

Could he have put you in more danger when he came back to check on you? That he had accidentally sabotaged your takedown?

He sighs. He must've looked so pathetic in front of you getting grabbed like that–– but he's not sorry.

He had been doing that for your safety and for his own peace of mind–– he wasn't going to apologize for caring about you.

He'll make it up to you somehow.

The next time you go on another case together, which you two inevitably will, he'll make it up to you.

That, he promises.

He actually doesn't get to work with you again. So he decides that he can make it up to you by narrowing down the unsub's identity.

In fact, he hasn't seen you at all since the team first arrived at the crime scene.

You had been working with Hotch and Morgan on more field operations, leaving him with Elle and Penelope doing background checks on possible suspects. And while he wasn't with you, he'd like to think that he's still enjoying the company.

Well, that's what he would like to think.

He has no problems working with Elle. She was a nice colleague that seemed to occasionally humor his rants and got the job done quickly. And Penelope was someone that the both of you really got along with. Occasionally having this back and forth unique to the three of you.

But they weren't you.

Still. What he thought about you can wait later. He still has to think about his escape route if the two break out into a fight.

Right now, the three of them had staked out one Michael Russo who they anticipated would call his hitman, the suspected Unsub. They were hoping to get a name from what they could pick up from his end of the call, and they did.

Problem was,

"Russo's got eleven associates named Vincent." Spencer raised his brows at that.

Vincent is a name of Latin origins. He shouldn't be surprised that the mob had a handful of people with that name, but it was kind of too on the nose at this point.

"Oh, make that ten. Vincent Cellito died last summer. But here's something––Vincent Sartori."

He really wants to find this guy, so he chooses to keep looking through the list. Ignoring the growing tension between the two girls.

"Currently doing six at Dannemora for racketeering."

Spencer then speaks up again, "How about this Perotta? There's not much on him."

Garcia makes quick work to pull up what seemed to be deleted records and that's where they find something interesting.

"Alcohol addiction at 14, violent outbursts, assaults,–– Once threw a Molotov cocktail at someone sitting in their car." She can't believe what she's reading.

"Several notations for aggression," He adds, but this is where he sees something truly wrong.

"He once scheduled a visit to an infirmary to gain access to a–– boy who looked at him for too long?"

He really didn't want to meet this guy.

"No fear, no remorse, quick temper. And he was smart enough to stay off the radar as an adult," Elle interprets. "Paranoid personality. Could be our guy."

And he really didn't want you to meet him either.

All the evidence is stacking up against him though, so you just might have to. He just wished that nothing bad would happen when you did.

––––––––––

While right now they weren't sure if he was the unsub, he was definitely someone who fit their profile. He saw some LEO's bring in a guy who had essentially been cuffed at every limb, accompanied by Hotch and Gideon, but he had yet to see the others.

He sees Morgan, who is walking alongside Elle (she went to see what all the commotion was about) but with who he sees next, he feels his stomach drop. Heart rate spiking in contrast to an all time high that he's practically sure he has tachycardia.

"What happened to you!?"

He got up from his seat to run over but you just shake your head.

You had come back with your clothes and hair in disarray, a bleeding nose, and a a busted lip. A complete disparity to the normally clean-cut and professional look that you had strived to maintain.

Even when you had been tackled to the ground a few cases back, the damage wasn't nearly as bad as this.

It's Derek that answers his question for him though.

"Perotta hit your girl up in the head, Reid." He chooses to ignore the joke. Too worried as he tries to check on your head but you just softly squeeze his hands to reassure him before you push them away.

Still not looking at him as you finally speak.

"It wasn't that bad. He hesitated. It could've been worse."

He doesn't like your answer.

If you had just been hit in the head and yet your nose is bleeding, that was a clear sign of a concussion. And the cut on your lip had to be from a fall. On asphalt or onto another material, it didn't matter to him since both are just as bad.

As he expresses that, you just tell him to drop it and then move away from him.

Before he can say more however, Hotch comes back into the room with his usually stern expression. A bit of worry lacing his tone, Spencer notes, as he orders you.

"Go home."

He's staring you down, but it seemed you had a lot more to say to that.

"Sir Hotchner, I would be of much more use in here. It is imperative that all available resources are focused on the retrieval of James Baker." He sighs because you're right, but that doesn't seem enough to satisfy you.

The boy-genius hates it when you use reason to get your way.

"Fine. Help Reid and the others with the evidence. We can narrow down his area of operation from there. They should be arriving soon."

You shake your head adamantly. "Sir, I can handle the interrogation--"

"No you can't!"

Spencer surprises himself with his outburst, but you don't even turn to look at him.

It's Hotch that gives him a very pointed stare though before continuing,

"Reid is right, agent. We'll handle the interrogation, so please busy yourself here." He says it with a finality that is indicative of his departure but you stop him one last time. Hand going up to rest on your mentor's collar.

He sees you gesture to your own, and Spencer hears an intention in your voice that he can't quite understand.

"Let's not give him a weapon, sir. He's pretty strong."

He sees his boss nod, and he takes off his tie. Putting the cloth into your awaiting hand, and you grip it out of instinct.

Reid zones out as he sees this interaction in disbelief. Did you normally touch the others like this?

You had completely brushed off his concern, not even looking at him. And yet when it was your unit chief that told you to do so, you had simply followed?

He thought he was starting to become an exception to you, but had he been reading the signs wrong? It could very much be a possibility as he was never good at doing so.

Even later when he had been sifting through the bags from the suspect's van, you still didn't respond to him. Even going as far as to ignoring Penelope's offer to watch the tapes they had found in Perotta's van. Shaking your head, 'no' with a faraway look in your eyes.

Just what had exactly happened while he wasn't by your side?

At this point, Spencer’s convinced that you would never like him.

If not for you having eyes on literally anyone else but him, then definitely because he had disappointed you. Desecrated the honor that came with being an FBI agent.

Just because he had been distracted.

A whirlwind of emotions had been flurrying inside him since the very beginning of this case, but he swears that he had never meant for this.

He doesn't even remember how it happened. Which baffled him, given his memory. But he thinks it's because he couldn't have cared less about the past few hours.

He had been stuck babysitting Lila only because you had told him so. Entrusted him with her because you thought that he was the best person to guard her, to comfort her.

He didn’t know it was because you had a feeling he’d be safer by her side.

And some part of him was flattered that you had said all this about him. Especially when all Lila would hear from him were endless praises of your name, of your work, and your caring nature.

But another part of him felt ignored. Pushed aside.

He doesn't know when it had happened, but Hotch had stopped pairing you together some cases ago. Saying something about you needing physical training, though he sincerely doubted that.

He thought that things were going well between you two. He had just been trying to find the perfect window where you would see him in a good enough light.

A good enough light that would make you say 'yes' to going on a date with him.

He didn't even care that the pretty blonde was interested in him. He only agreed because you stressed her safety more than any other target thus far. But the attention that she was giving him?

That was all that he wanted from you.

All he'd been wanting for months.

And when he had kissed her, all he could think about was you. How it would've felt if it was you in his arms, how you would react if it had been you that he was touching.

But then immediately after, how you would react to him kissing another girl.

God, he was pathetic.

He knew that you had been having a hard time lately. And he also knew that it had a lot to do with your work, how he did his, and his safety. That was all you ever stressed about when you were with him.

If he was safe.

You'd think he'd learn that by now, but he hasn't. Which is why even when he knew all this, his heart still ached as he sees you cry into Morgan's arms. Sobbing like no tomorrow. All because of something he did.

All because he took all your hard work, that had been focused on keeping him alive, and essentially throwing it right back at your face.

His negligence did that.

And he supposes that now, he can't do anything to get into your good graces anymore. Not when Derek Morgan seemed to better at doing his job as a federal agent, and his job as your friend.

When he finally gets changed into dry clothes and enters Lila's house, he doesn't miss the way that you turn from him. He also doesn't miss the glare the other agent was giving him. Nor the careful hand that had been rubbing up and down your arm.

Something that he wished he could've been doing instead.

––––––––––

God, he wanted to be anywhere but here, considering this is where it all went downhill.

"Did you give Lila Archer a collage?" Gideon had started the interrogation, so even if he did want to leave, he couldn't.

"What?"

"There's a photographic collage above Lila Archer's sofa. She says you gave it to her."

But the faster that they could get this done, the faster he could apologize to you.

"So? I didn't make the damn thing." Parker had laughed out, clearly not comprehending the severity of the situation.

"So you just happened to give her a work of art containing most of her life in it?" Spencer pushed but was surprised to see his ex-classmate seemingly have no recollection of the situation at all.

Something was wrong.

If it wasn't him, then who––?

"I––no, no. Look, I lied. I just wanted her to like me. I met her here, and she was a fan of art. Someone gave me the piece to give to her, but I told her it was from me."

It can't be––

"I said I found it, and I thought she'd love it."

"And who gave it to you?" Morgan had finally asked.

"Her name's Maggie Lowe. She uh––She works on Lila's show."

When Spencer hears this, he immediately goes to call you on his phone. Maggie Lowe had gone to Juilliard with Lila and was the production assistant that he swore he saw go in and out of her trailer.

If he wasn't so distracted, he would've fucking noticed that.

But his phone doesn't even ring for a few moments before the call is declined.

What the fuck was happening?

Before he could ask anyone else, he heard Derek speak up.

“Sweet girl, listen to me. We have a name, and it’s ‘Maggie Lowe.’ We’re on our wa—" Spencer tries to talk to you through Morgan's phone, but is knocked off balance when the man turns around in shock.

"Christ man—we're on our way back over there, okay? Stay put and we’ll let Hotch and JJ know.” 

"Let me talk to her!" He practically begs, but before anyone could even understand what he was saying, the call is ended from your side.

"Reid, what the hell were you trying to do?"

He's shocked at his own actions too, but that's not what's on his mind right now.

"She dropped my call but she answered yours? And since when did you start calling her that?"

He knew it wasn't fair, especially after what he had done, but just when did you and him happen?

"Since you started being a dumbass. Get over yourself, kid."

Everyone then started making their way to the two SUV's parked outside, but Spencer took the one that Morgan was driving.

He wasn't done with this conversation.

He tries to call you again, but this time, it looks like the line is busy. What was going on, where were you? He tries Lila's phone, even though he's sure she won't pick up and nothing either.

He has half a mind to ask Morgan to call you, in case you were just being petty and ignoring him, but he feels his phone vibrate. He suddenly hears his phone ring, and he hurriedly answers without checking the caller ID.

Hoping that it would be you on the other hand as he called out your name.

"Nope, sorry hon, it's me." It was Garcia's voice, but it sounded like she was shaking. Sensing the urgency in her voice, he instinctively puts his phone on speaker.

"Reid, I need you to listen to me very carefully— I've already alerted officials in the area, but your unsub? Is in Lila Archer's house."

You can't keep doing this, he thinks. You can't keep scaring him like this, because he's starting to feel so sick.

He looks to his friend in the driver's seat and sees him nod when they make eye contact. Speeding up as they thank Penelope before she ended the call.

At this point, he could care less with how pathetic he might've looked. No longer caring about how uncool you thought he was, or whatever might've been going on between you and Morgan, or if you still had a crush on your boss— none of that.

They had left you behind with Lila and no one else.

Spencer had always feared that one day, no matter how strong or smart or clever you are, it's his negligence that'll place you on the receiving end of a killer's weapon. And that there's nothing that he can do to stop them from landing the finishing blow.

If the reason you were alone and held captive by some psychotic shooter was because he had pissed you off enough to even dismiss his help?

He might never forgive himself for it.

When they arrive, he immediately gets out of the car. Ready to run in and ambush Maggie by himself if he has to when Lila runs into his arms. Holding a gun in her hand as if it were a bomb.

A Glock 19 that he's seen you use since his first official cases on the team.

He notices Morgan, Elle, and Gideon were already out, but Hotch and JJ have still yet to arrive.

He knows that he should wait until further instructions. That there wasn't a protocol for this specific situation. Or maybe there was, but his IQ of 187 had always been slashed down to 60 whenever you were involved.

When he hears a gun fire from inside the house, he's the first one that starts running.

He's thankful that he wasn't alone when he did though.

By the time that Maggie had been apprehended, you were already well on your way to the nearest hospital. According to the clock from inside your room, and the news report that had been playing, a full twelve hours at the very least had passed since then.

You tried to remember what had happened. Tried to remember how you screamed for help once you had subdued her. How she shot you when you tackled her.

Probably with the intention to kill you, then herself had you not talked her out of it.

You groan as you feel the blooming pain in your side. Probably from the GSW that you're going to have to note in your action report.

And then you remembered how you realized what you felt for Spencer and the rest of the team.

You shake your head despondently.

When you look back on every situation where you had essentially put yourself on the line for his sake, you notice that you had really been doing that out of your own volition.

That you had been doing it because you didn't want him getting hurt.

You just didn't like that the the team was turning it into some sort of responsibility.

And sure. Maybe the others were complicit in pairing you up, or guilty for giving you odd looks, but they probably wouldn't have done that if it wasn't something you were already going to do.

God, you felt so pathetic.

You don't think you can handle looking at Spencer now. Not after your existential crisis, and certainly not after what you said before he left.

But luck has a way, so it seems, to constantly elude you.

You note this as you see the very man that you had been thinking of slowly opening the door and perking up when he sees your eyes on him.

Well, as perked up as he could be. Given the circumstances.

"How uh—, How are you? A-Are you...okay?"

You take in how he looks when he asks. Dark rings encircling his eyes, (he had been up all night waiting for you), usually neat hair in a mess (he had been running his hands through them nonstop), and shirt all crumpled from being hunched over for so long (a different one, because he just couldn't stand the vague scent on chlorine in his old one.)

Your heart sinks at the sight and you beckon him closer with your strong hand. Echoing his question.

"Are you okay, Dr. Reid?"

He lets out a shaky breath when he finally hears your soft voice again, slowly approaching you as he does. He was so worried that the last words he would hear from you would be your disappointment, but he persists.

"Can you please answer the question? I don't like it when you pretend like you're okay when you're obviously not."

His hand finds its way to trace little patterns on the back of yours. Occasionally looking up at to see if he was hurting you, before continuing when he sees that he isn't. Feeling too shy to do anything more.

You roll your eyes at the gesture. Flipping his hand to rest on the hospital bed and slipping yours on top of his. Giving it a soft squeeze.

"I could be better." You then squeeze his hand again. "Is this what you were trying to do?"

He thinks for a while, as if not really understanding your question, before nodding vigorously.

You smile at the sight but then feel your regret from a few hours ago come rushing back.

"I'm really sorry. For...everything." You don't think he knows what you're apologizing for, but you do it anyway.

If not now, when?

Spencer laughs a little at that but shakes his head. "Morgan told me about what you said. Back at Lila's. Well, more like he told everyone while we were waiting for you to wake up."

You nod. Suddenly feeling guilty for trying to make contact so you try to let go, but he only entangles your fingers once more. Intertwining them as much as he can since this is the closest that he can afford to have you right now.

He feels his lips tightening into a thin smile before he says what's been haunting him for the past few hours.

"I'm sorry that you had to deal with me for so long. I never meant to burden you like that or make your job harder."

"No, Spencer please," you start, rubbing the only part of his hand that you could reach with your thumb.

"You were never a burden. I was just—caught up in a bunch of things."

He doesn't miss how your usual eloquence evades you. Which gives him a bit of an idea as to how unscripted and vulnerable you were being with him right now.

And as much as he should hate this for you, he'd love it if you would learn to be a bit more vulnerable in front of him. Even if it was a departure from your usually starched blazers, pressed blouses, and clean-cut exterior.

He still thought you were cool just like this.

"Have I ever told you that I thought you were really cool?" You weakly snort at that.

"If by 'cool,' you mean constantly worrying about how everything could go wrong, then yeah. I'm super cool."

He shakes his head at that, but it looked like you weren't done.

"I think you looked cooler, though. Especially when you were next to the pool trying to dry your gun. You looked like a wet rat."

He groans at the mention but you continue to tease him.

"Hey, you were a handsome wet rat. Still a rat, but... you know. From Vegas. Arguably not as bad as the ones from New York. Now though, you're a handsome dry rat."

Now that, he just wines at. You weren't being fair.

How could you make him go through all this and then say that?

Did you know what kind of effect you have on him?

The two of you continue to sling back jokes at the other, a common thing you used to do before things went south. And just enjoying each other's presence.

Holding his hand as you absentmindedly started massaging it. He didn't even notice how his hand had been shaking since the moment you first held onto it.

He was so so glad you were alive. That you were still here, with him. And there's no place he would rather be than where you were.

"So. How about you start telling me what you've been up to while I've been knocked out, hm? What have you learned, genius?"

He's learned a quite a lot, while you were away.

He learned that he should probably encourage you to have more breaks. Learned that you should both talk to each other, and everyone, a bit more. And he learned that you two weren't so different after all.

He's also learned how much he really liked your smile, your laugh, your soft touch, and the way that his name fell from your lips.

He doesn't tell you any of this, however.

Opting to instead tell you about the numerous facts he's picked up during the case, and how much he hated Hollywood.

[a/n] And with that, this marks the end of this specific timeline! I've honestly loved writing with this reader's specific personality in mind, and I'm looking forward to how she'll mellow out when she learns to be more honest.

I have a few ideas for one shots regarding this specific dynamic, but if you enjoyed it as much as I did, please tell me what you thought about this short series! And if you have any idea on what you'd like to see next from these dumbasses, send an ask my way!

Thank you so much for liking them thus far.

Like my work? Consider tipping me!!

[meganwiththeknees]

Distant

Summary:

You and Denki have been best friends since your first year at UA. Unforeseen circumstances lead the two of you to follow different paths in life which causes the two of you to fall out as friends. Now after three years, the two of you meet again and wish to sort things out. Will you two be able to mend a broken friendship, or does the universe have different plans for you?

Chapter 1

“How do you feel when I ask you more intimate questions about your past?” You ask the man sitting right in front of you. You always know what the answer will be, but being the person you are, you always hope for a new outcome.

You notice the way he starts to play with his hair, seeming like he wants to be anywhere but here. He’s sitting on a couch not too far away from you, hunched into himself, almost as if he’s trying to make himself appear smaller.

“Uhm, don’t know, I just feel a little uncomfortable talking about certain things,” he stammers, looking anywhere but in your direction.

You feel taken aback, not hurt by the answer, but the fact that he actually said something this time.

“What do you mean you feel uncomfortable? We’ve been talking for about six months?”

“I just feel like you're a little intimidating.” He continues, purposely not directing his gaze on you.

Your mind starts to race. Why would he think that? Are you really that intimidating? You keep your composure and review the neatly written notes in front of you from the past few months . This client has been taking a while to open up, but you didn’t think it had anything to do with your behavior.

“Do…do you not feel like we’ve made any progress these last few months?”

“Yes, yeah,” he finally looks back at you.

An alarm goes off signifying that your session is over.

“Okay, Mr. Yuki, we'll try this again next week and see what progress you’ve made. I can’t seem to get through to you if you won’t open up to me. So, please make sure to go through the lessons I gave you last week.”

Mr. Yuki stood up and you quickly followed suit. You proceed to head for the door to let him out of your office. You exchanged your goodbyes and quietly closed the door.

You let out an exhausted sigh, finally happy that the week was over, and looking forward to the events happening later that night.

You tidied up your office and packed your valuables, getting ready to leave after a long day. You quickly leave the office to beat any unforeseen traffic to get ready for your outing with Mina.

You made it home only encountering one light traffic. Opening the door to your studio apartment, you feel the aroma of home as soon as you step in. You kick off your shoes immediately and walk over to your couch. You plop down knowing you have a little time before you need to get ready.

Last month Mina invited you to the Annual Japan Hero Billboard Chart as her plus one. Throughout the years, you and Mina stayed in contact and grew closer than ever. Your mind started to think of all the people that would be attending the event tonight. More specifically, Denki. After you graduated from UA high, Denki and you drifted apart due to communication issues and the fact that he just had never made time for you.

While in your thoughts you were interrupted by a phone call. You sat up to see who was calling.

“Hey girl!” Mina said enthusiastically.

“Hi, Mina.”

“Are you dressed yet? ‘Cause you need to be there in the next hour so we can walk in together. I got to show off how good my plus one looks.”

You look on your phone realizing you had lost track of time while you were consumed with your thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m fixing my hair right now.” You lied to Mina running off the couch and stripping off your clothes to hop in the shower as soon as possible.

“I hear you turning on the shower girl…”

“What are you talking about? That’s just the sink.” You lied again

“Whatever, just make sure you're there in an hour.” She giggles shortly after.

“Okay, I’ll see you there.”

You got out of the shower and brushed your teeth and put on some light makeup to make your skin glow. After that, you got started to slick back your hair in a low puff fluffing out the ends to make sure your curls pop then doing your edges after. You walked to your closet and pulled out a cream-colored satin dress that had a slit mid-thigh. You put a few things in your purse before heading downstairs and putting your heels on. You grab your keys before heading out the door to meet Mina.

A cold breeze hit your body, not having time to grab a jacket. You got in your car and texted Mina before you pulled off. The GPS confirmed that the address was only thirty-five minutes from your studio and that you would make it to the event with ten minutes to spare.

You arrived at the event with just enough time as you expected to walk in and get seated. You proceed to get your phone out and call Mina to let her know that you had arrived.

“Hey Mina, I just got here and parked. Where do you want me to meet you?”

“Oh perfect, you're here. I’ll come and find you so that we can walk in together. Where did you park?”

You proceeded to tell Mina where you were parked so that she could come to get you. After looking for about eight minutes you heard Mina screaming your name.

“Girl over here!” you jolted your head to see the pink-haired lady waving crazily at you.

Mina called out a little too happy as if she didn’t see you a week ago when you went out for drinks with her and Eijiro. Although you enjoyed yourself every time you hung out with them you couldn’t help but feel like a third wheel even though neither of them minded your company and always made you feel welcome.

“Oh my God Mina you look so good,” you say, eyeing her attire as she twirled around giving you a spin showing you her whole dress.

Mina wore a green cocktail dress and her black heels. She also had her hair slicked back at the side with some pins in it. Her hair never changed much from back in the days at UA High. It was still the same pink and curly shortcut that you have grown to love over the years.

“Me? I should be the one complimenting you. Who told you that you could go out of the house looking so sexy? But I expect nothing less from my plus one.’’

You both begin to laugh at the continued compliments that you give each other. Your talk is cut short when Mina gets a call on her phone. She picks up the phone and begins to talk. After a short amount of time, she hangs up.

“Eijiro just called and said that they are about to seat people in the next five minutes. So, we have to get going if we want to get some pics of us walking on the red carpet together.”

You were surprised when Mina said that you two would be walking in on the red carpet, but in all actuality, you should have known that there would be a red carpet at this event just like there was at every other event throughout the years. You remembered this especially because you used to love watching this same event on TV as a little girl. It was almost like a dream come true to attend, but you never would have thought that you would be attending as a plus one and not a pro hero.

You and Mina get to the entrance of the building and see the red carpet and all the paparazzi surrounding it. You two walk up and the cameras start flashing. You both pose for the cameras as you try to walk into the building. As the pictures are being taken one of the cameramen asks who Mina is walking in with.

“Pro Hero Pinky, who is this accompanying you tonight? Are you and Pro Hero Red Riot still in a relationship?”

All the cameras turn to you and Mina. You look at Mina waiting for her to answer the question until she bursts out into laughter.

“You people are really funny! Can’t two people just hang out without being together? Anyways, yes I can assure you that Red Riot and I are still a couple. This is my best friend.” Mina states as she says your name.

Mina proceeds to look at you and all the cameras are now focused on you. You are a little embarrassed by all the sudden attention, but it’s not anything that you weren’t used to. Back in your days at UA, all the news could talk about were all the kids in class 1-A.

“Oh yeah, I can confirm that I’m just her best friend.” You begin to smile and wave at the camera.

“Miss how long have you known Pinky?”

“Miss did you attend UA High with Pinky?”

“Miss over here. Did you happen to attend UA at the same time as Pinky and participated in the sports festival about six years ago?”

The paparazzi began to bombard you with hundreds of questions to the point that you couldn’t even understand what they were saying anymore. Mina grabbed you by your arm and pulled you the rest of the way until you two were inside of the building and safe from the paparazzi.

“Man I didn’t think that any of them would remember you from that long ago, it’s been years?”

“Me neither, but we should get seated now.”

Mina nodded in compliance. You guys begin to walk into the auditorium that the ceremony is being held in to find your seats. As you two are walking, Eijiro spots you guys and waves y'all over. As expected, you guys have seats close to the stage next to a whole bunch of other pro heroes. You can’t help but feel a little out of place, but you realize that you're here to have a good time with your friends.

As you sit you greet Eijiro and hug him. He begins to tell you how womanly you look in your dress and you just smile at him accepting the compliment that was given. Looking on the stage you see someone come up and say that the ceremony will begin in about five minutes so that everyone can get situated in their proper seats.

As you all wait for the ceremony to begin you and Mina start to talk about frivolous things. Like about the times you and her would sneak out of UA and go have nights on the town or when you used to be so dead set one being a pro hero.

“You remember a time when I wasn’t your number one bestie. I used to be so sure that you and Denki would end up together.

Your eyes widened by the sudden change in topic, not expecting Mina to even bring Denki up.

“Like I used to ship y’all hard. Even Eijiro did, isn’t that right Eijiro?”

“Huh?” Eijiro asked, looking up from his phone.

“Didn’t you used to think that she and Denki would be-”

“Ladies and gentleman, I would like to welcome you to the annual Japan Hero Billboard Chart and give a special thanks to all the amazing heroes out there in the crowd and even the ones that couldn’t make it tonight for keeping all of us safe with the sacrifices you all make every day.”

The crowd began to cheer and the host went back to their speech. The ceremony felt so different being in person than at home. It was nice to see some of your favorite heroes up close and cheer for them and they could hear you instead of cheering to a non-responsive TV screen.

The ceremony was continuing in its normal fashion and you cheered loudly and even let out a little scream when Mina and Eijiro’s names were called as well as a couple of your other old friends from UA were called to the stage.

You could tell that the ceremony was drawing to an end because the top ten were drawing close. You already knew who the top ten heroes were so there wasn’t much for you to expect. Of course, number one was the symbol of peace himself Deku. Right under him was the hot-headed explosive hero Dynamight in number two. Holding the third-place spot was the half-hot half-cold hero Shoto. Dynamight and Shoto always go back and forth holding the second and third spots so you assumed tonight you would see if Shoto took Dynamight’s place. And of course, you couldn’t forget that fact the eighth place was held by none other than Chargebolt himself.

“Now for the top ten heroes of Japan and congratulations on your hard work to make it this far!” The host of the awards show stated about announcing the top ten heroes.

You proceeded to listen to the hostess announce the tenth and ninth heroes. Even though you and Denki may not be on the best of terms didn’t mean that you wouldn’t clap for him when it was his turn next or so you thought. The eighth hero was called and it wasn’t Denki. You were shocked, but you knew that could only mean one thing.

“The hero coming in seventh place is Chargebolt! Kaminari Denki, our new number seven, congratulations!”

You began to clap, happy that he was finally moving up in the world and becoming what he always wanted to be. Even though you were happy for him you couldn’t help but think that you were somehow a bump in the road on the path to Denki’s success. You started to think that maybe if you had not stopped talking to Denki when you did that he wouldn’t be where he was right now at this very moment. You were probably a burden to him a few years back and that’s why he started to distance himself from you.

As the cheering died down you snapped out of your terrible thoughts. You don’t know why but whenever you see Denki you start to have negative thoughts. It’s not really like you and Denki have any bad blood between each other but you can’t help but feel a bit awkward whenever you're around him now. No matter how many times you try to tell yourself that nothing has changed and that you and Denki are the same people you know deep down that that’s not true in the slightest. The last time that may have been true was when you both attended UA and you still wanted to be a pro hero just like him.

“Thank you ladies and gentlemen for all coming out tonight and supporting these fine pro heroes. I’d like to give one more special thanks to all the pro heroes out there for keeping families safe around the world. With that being said, thank you for letting me host this tremendous event and goodnight Japan!” With those closing statements, the ceremony had been concluded.

Extra Notes:

To those who are completely new to this story, I hope you enjoy. To anyone who remembers the old version of this story I've decided to comeback and make it better than ever. It still has the same plot I just really wanted to change some things and I feel like I've made the story 100 times better for everyone to enjoy. <3

[sailtomarina]

Are you ignoring me?

She was a no show again.

Three memos he had sent her over the past two weeks regarding their team project, one they had started a few months back and had already made significant progress on, and they still needed to finalize details before submission next week. Draco’s latest revisions received no replies. He sat alone the past couple of Mondays for their scheduled check-in, staring blankly at the empty conference table.

He could not figure out where everything had gone wrong. Not only were they now civil to one another, before the silence he would’ve ventured to consider them friends. Old grudges from their childhood were long buried and apologies made. They worked well together when required, and had even hung out outside of work with mutual enemies-turned-friends.

There was nothing else for it. He needed to confront the witch if she was going to keep avoiding him.

---

He found her deep in the archives. Sometimes, things never change.

“Are you ignoring me?”

She startled at his question and gasped at his closeness. It really was too easy to sneak up on her when she had her nose buried in a book. Her large brown eyes narrowed and she took a deliberate step back.

“And what if I am?”

“Why?”

Carefully returning the book to its shelf, she turned back to him with her arms crossed and scoffed. “Are you seriously asking me why?”

“I obviously just did.”

“Do you remember the last time we spoke?”

Draco thought back to their last lunch together. They had opted for a restaurant in Muggle London.

“The Japanese restaurant, right?”

She arched a brow and nodded. When he didn’t follow up with anything else, she huffed again and gestured for him to continue. “And?”

“…and…we ate some pretty good sushi?”

“Merlin. C’mon Malfoy, do you seriously not remember what happened? What you said?”

He scowled at several months of hard work sliding backwards with her returned use of his surname. What in bloody hell was she talking about? What he said?

She shifted in place as Draco continued to think, the silence of her waiting threatening to suffocate him. They had talked about a lot of things. That was just the nature of their conversations. Talk tended to flow naturally no matter the tone—while they once yelled insults at one another, they now just as passionately discussed magical theory. They could talk for hours without a lull.

Japanese cuisine. Traveling history. Favorite destinations. People they traveled with. Why they chose a Muggle restaurant…

His eyes widened in remembrance. They left their usual cafeteria because he had insisted on going somewhere else.

“Ah.”

“I take it you remember.”

“Astoria was at the cafeteria.”

“Yes, your ex-fiancée, which you didn’t tell me until late into our meal. A meal, might I remind you, was our first time eating out together.”

He was a colossal idiot. When he admitted to his reason for asking Hermione out to lunch, she had flinched. He noticed, but brushed it aside as nothing to worry about when she brought the topic back to their project.

His emotions must have played out across his face, because hers softened.

“I sometimes forget you’re not always as put together as you look. I have a bad habit of overreacting and not communicating properly. I shouldn’t have made assumptions about your intentions for asking me out.”

She was doing it again, just like she had done in the past multiple times with others. Putting herself down, expecting the worst. And he was the one who made her do it this time. He needed to get his shit together and make his feelings clear.

Stepping forward into her space once more, he extended a hand. Looking at him quizzically, she took it, gasping when he brought her fingers to his lips for a soft kiss.

“Hermione Granger, I would like nothing more than to take you out with intentions to woo you. Muggle, magical, home, abroad, anywhere with you is where I’d like to be. And I’m sorry for the way I asked you out the first time.”

She stood in complete shock, mouth open and hand still clasped in his own. The longer she stared at him, the more nervous Draco became. He quirked his lips in a nervous smile.

“Hermione?”

“I…I…” She blinked rapidly and yanked her hand back. His heart sank.

He could feel himself sinking. The welcoming pull of occlumency called to him, promising to deaden his disappointment, save him from the embarrassment of rejection. Then he felt pressure on his arm. Surfacing back to reality, he looked down at the hand grasping his jumper before focusing back on her.

“I’d like that.”

She was smiling. She flicked a curl behind her ear with her other hand, continuing to tightly cling to him with a look of…hope?

“How about dinner tonight then, my treat?” Was he pushing his luck asking so soon?

“Only if you agree to a follow-up dinner Friday night, my treat.” Her dark eyes twinkled at the prospect, and Draco couldn’t help but grin back in response.

“Deal.”

She laughed as he held his hand out for a shake. The moment she released him, he spun on his heel with a last retort over his shoulder, “And if you don’t reply to my revisions by the end of the workday you don’t get dessert.”

The indignant squeak behind him added an extra pep to his jaunt to the lift. Dinner tonight, huh? Perhaps something ridiculously spicy would liven Hermione up even more…

[grimbz007]

Friday, 26th October 2024,

How to unlock your creavity, a reminder to one’s self:

I want to track my progress, bit by bit, and witness my growth over time. Some may say my drive for improvement is overly ambitious, but for me, it’s rooted in hope…

A hope to finally succeed and, perhaps more deeply, a desire to prove to my parents that my decision to pursue art full-time was the right one. Every step forward, no matter how small, brings me closer to realising both my dreams and my belief in the path I’ve chosen

Again, I am in my first year…

My teacher recommended me this book, It’s book about animation, by Shamaus Culhane, he became the lead designer for Snow White. Fun fact: He was on the verge of being fired in his earlier years

Honestly… It’s inspiring to look back and see how people in the past, with far less technology than we have today, still found ingenious ways to solve complex problems. It’s comforting to realise that, with time these struggles and uncertainties, that I’m facing now, will begin to face, again with due time…

This reminds me of how artists in earlier times used pinholes to aid in their painting…a simple yet brilliant tool! Honestly, reinforces the idea how references are so important!

(Another nice reminder to use them)

The author begins by describing how their animation work seemed to occur in two distinct stages.

The first stage was a “daydream” phase characterised by a burst of energy where the artist avoided contemplation, allowing their subconscious mind to take over! (Introspection was absent during this part of the process)

The second stage was more deliberate, involving conscious thought and analysis, where the artist took time to reflect on the drawing and the emotions it conveyed.

The author references a specific book, which discusses the functions of the brain and the idea that the right side is more creative, while the left side is more analytical.

We can see it through how he highlights the quote from the book he read, stating that the brain works best when daydreaming, hinting at the value of the right hemisphere in the creative process.

This section concludes by illustrating the practical results of this theory, showing a set of drawings that progressively improve within a short span of time. These drawings exemplify how activating the right side of the brain leads to creative breakthroughs!

Again, I also do think Pomodoro technique works wonders!

Especially with an artist with ADHD (like me), it’s basically when break your work time into intervals (traditionally 25 minutes long, but I do around 30 minutes, since I have been training my brain) called ���Pomodoros,” followed by short breaks (usually 5 minutes, once again I do 2 minutes each)

REMEMBER TO PLAN PLAN PLAN! BEFORE YOU DRAW OR YOU END UP BLANK……………..

Anyway, the author quotes that when creativity is in demand, the right side must suppress the left side’s desire to control and analyse. To maintain the creative flow, it’s important to avoid overthinking, as even a single moment of conscious thought can halt the creative process.

In summary, this chapter of the book (3) emphasises the distinction between the analytical and creative functions of the brain, showing how the creative side flourishes when allowed to operate without interference from the more rational side.

It suggests that achieving artistic breakthroughs requires letting go of conscious thought and trusting the intuitive, subconscious processes associated with the right side of the brain, which… Worked!

❤️ Less thinking more working, get your ideas down on paper so you can develop them into the thoughts you want! That’s how you can truely create what you think about!

Examples of drawings I did with this new mindset! They roughly took the same amount of time, around 10-45 minutes! (Done in span of 2 days, school work is such a bitch…)

[yoursome1-rbwebb]

Caught in Haze

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Chapter 23

"Okay listen up! Here's the teams!" Coach Yardley shouted as my new teammates crowded around her.

Aside from practice ending, this is the only other thing I have been looking forward to today.

Scrimmages are like a soccer team’s courthouse. The coaches are the judges and my teammates are the jury.

The opposition: Anyone in my way.

And who better to defend my case than me. 

If I can prove that I can make a difference in this team, I may have a real shot at the starting spot. And I fully intend on making a difference here today.

 "Haze left wing. Charlie, At the nine. Julie on the right." 

My breath hitched in my throat, halting all thoughts of my credo.

Suddenly, the confidence I was just exuding stuttered for a moment. 

I honestly hadn’t thought about the possibility of Riley being on my team. She is a juror that could easily tamper with my case. 

Whether that be by intentionally making me look bad or by distracting me (Not that she distracts me)? 

I don’t know. 

I’ll just have to keep an extra close eye on her and adapt accordingly.

I didn’t catch any of the other players called to be on my team because of that minor mental hiccup, but I was able to catch who wasn’t on my team.

Rachel stood in the huddle of people with her arms folded and a dirty look directed right at me. She wasn’t even trying to hide it. She stood in that position for an extra few seconds after we were dismissed to prove her discontent even farther.

Great. Now I have to add her to the growing list of things to worry about for my case.

The two teams took our spots on the field  and my team was directed to kick off. I stood over the ball at the halfway line and a gentle warm breeze blew against me carrying the smell of fresh cut grass. 

All that unease I was feeling disappeared.

This is where I belong. With a ball at my feet and a name to make on my back. Nothing else doesn’t matters here. Not Riley. Not Rachel. Not Noah. All I am worried about is getting that ball into the back of that net.

The game started off pretty slow. No forward progress was really made by either team but that was nothing to worry about. None of us know each other. Us being disjointed at the start is expected. We are all trying to get used to each other. 

It wasn't until 20 minutes into the match that we had our first real moment of cohesion. Hailey Yertz in the center defensive midfield position, intercepted a misplaced pass from the other team and found herself in wide open space.

Karly, who was on her left, reacted immediately and ran forward with her as support. I took off up the field ahead of them, pulling the other team's back line with me. And to my left, Riley was taking off down the sideline, matching my pace. 

The moment one of the defenders finally stepped towards Hailey, she sent a perfect pass for Karly to run onto which she quickly one-touched through the other teams disorganized backline that Riley caught up to easily, leaving her defender in the dust. 

Fuck she is fast.

Riley took it all the way to the baseline and without even looking up sent a cross into the box.  It was like she knew exactly where I was going to be. I don’t even remember her looking back at me once, the second the ball was at her feet. 

With perfect precision the ball found my head without me having to even halt my run and sailed past Louise into the net. 

For a moment complete bliss spread throughout my body. I had done it. What better way is there to prove myself than scoring a goal. 

My team surrounded me and gave me pats on the top of my head, congratulating me.

“Good job Walker.”

“Nice one Charlie!”

“Nice noggin nerd.” Karly said as she patted my head a little bit more aggressively than anyone else. I shoved her away from me with a grin.

The swarm of compliments faded and I was left with just one last person to applaud me

“Nice shot Lee.” The black haired girl said with that smirk on her face.

Her golden eyes quickly raked down my body and a feeling took over my body that I couldn’t explain. The only thing I do know is it wasn’t necessarily a disgusted feeling like I expected it to be.

"Nice pass.” I said awkwardly. Complimenting Riley is not something I am used to doing out loud.

Riley grinned in delight at my sudden change in confidence. Messing with me is her favorite thing after all. She stepped forward and wrapped one of her arms around my shoulders, pulling me with her towards our half. It was a weird, almost friendly gesture that I wasn’t expecting from her. A gesture I would expect from someone I am actually friends with. It was nice.

Until she leaned into my ear as we reached the halfway line and covered her mouth like she was telling me a secret. To anyone else this just looked like she was telling me a kickoff play or change in formation that she didn’t want the other team to read.

“I can’t wait to see you finish like that more often.” She whispered then disconnected from me and ran off without looking back.

If she did, she would’ve seen the way my legs stuttered and the way I almost face planted onto the field in front of everyone.

I stumbled and caught my footing, quickly making my way to my spot and looked down at the ground to hide my blush from everyone.

That disgust I hadn’t felt earlier quickly flowed through me.

It was only a matter of time.

Why did she have to make everything so dirty?

We were having a nice moment and she ruined it with that mouth.

I’m sure her mouth isn’t used to causing disgust in women.

OH MY GOD!

Why did I just think that?

The whistle blew and the other team caught me flat footed on their kick off, getting past me instantly.

Fucking focus Charlie! Nothing else matters here!

I let out a huff and refocused myself on the game. I’m not letting Riley infiltrate this part of my life too. Not even Noah is allowed here.

The rest of the scrimmage went by pretty smoothly. Karly managed to score another goal in the 60th minute with an assist from yours truly. She jumped on my back in celebration making the whole team laugh at how excited she was to score in a scrimmage. I scored again in the 87th with another assist from Riley and made sure I wasn’t caught in alone with her again.

Rachel was able to score one goal for the other team in the 74th minute. It was a dirty goal if you ask me. She elbowed the center back marking her in the face and was able to score the 1v1 with Lily. 

Some of her team didn’t even go to congratulate her and the ones that did, gave her nothing more than a high five. That was the only good thing about her goal.

I would say that it was a pretty successful match. 

There had to be only seconds left so I found myself at the edge of my team's own box defending, just trying to see this match out. 

The two centre backs on the other team were passing the ball between them trying to find a way past into the box. Finally one of them just decided to play it into the box with a cross but miscalculated the power she needed. I jumped up to block it and the ball flew into my side with full force. I felt the pain immediately but ignored it as I watched the ball ricochet down the field into open space. 

I took off running, ignoring my side that was hollering in pain and beat the defender with a small chop left that sent the ball between her legs as she stumbled trying to keep up with my change of direction. 

I found myself wide open on the sideline and took advantage of my new found freedom.

This would be it, the last play of the game surely. Might as well go all out.

I was all alone surging towards the box surrounded by three defenders hot on my trail. I know that it’s only a matter of time before one of them catches me.

Something in me told me to play it left towards the top of the box. I just knew that if I sent it there Riley would be there. She is fast enough to catch this play. I just know it.

So I sent it, low and hard directly across the top of the box. And there she was, just like I knew she would be.

My small moment of joy was destroyed by someone taking my legs out from behind a good two seconds after the ball left my feet.

My body hit the ground and I landed hard on my side that was already screaming. All the air in my body flushed out of me and my ears began to ring.

For a brief moment, my entire being was just pain. But consciousness found me quickly and I found myself flat on my back with one of the defenders on the other team, crouched over me speaking with a concerned look on her face.

The ringing in my ears faded after another few seconds and I could finally understand what she was saying.

“Walker, are you okay? Can you hear me? Breathe!”

I lifted my left arm shakily and gave her a thumbs up. I couldn’t verbally respond as I was still relearning how to breathe. The defender's face softened and she let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank fuck. That looked gnarly.” She said with a soft smile on her face.

“Felt gnarly too.” I groaned, holding my hand out in a way that signalled I needed to be helped up.

“Nah sit tight kid. Trainers are on their way out here.” She said taking my hand and holding it on her own. “Can’t risk our new scoring machine.” She grinned with a wink.

I let out a small laugh that sent me reeling in pain.

“Fuck.” I groaned, lying flat on my back trying not to move anything on my right side.

“Did we score?” I asked the girl as I saw the trainers approaching out of the corner of my eye.

The defender laughed loudly and patted me on the head.

“Yeah, Riley put it in the bottom right corner.” The girl shrugged as if it was a given that Riley had scored a 1v1 with the keeper. “Though she doesn’t seem as worried about whether it went in or not as you are.” She finished, nodding towards two players I didn’t notice before just a few yards away.

Riley appeared to be towering over Rachel even though only an inch separated them in height. The anger displayed on the golden eyed girl's face was clearly directed at the blonde as she yelled at the girl.

“It was a dirty tackle and you know it, Rae.” Riley gritted out, pointing her finger into Rachel's chest.

Looking at Rachel I could tell that she had just gotten up off the ground by the grass stain along her white socks and shirt.

So it was her that had taken me out from behind.

“It was an accident.” Rachel defended, furrowing her eyebrows and pushing Rileys hand away from her. “It’s not my fault the girl can’t take a little shove.”

Riley was defending me. 

From Rachel of all people! Someone she is clearly sleeping with. Why would she risk a booty call for me?

This only enraged Riley further it would seem and she was about to say something else when Paisley ran between them 

“Stop Riley. She’s not worth it. Charlie is okay.” Paisley said and began to push Riley away from the beautiful blonde.

The moment Riley heard my name her eyes shifted to me from over Paisley’s shoulder as she was being backed away.

They raked over my body for the second time this game but it was completely different this time. Her eyes were filled with concern as she scanned every inch of me clearly looking for something. I guess she found whatever it was because her eyes met mine one last time before she huffed and turned around, letting Paisley guide her towards the locker room.

The pain I was in suddenly came back full force the moment her face left my view. Thank god for that because whatever I was feeling before the pain returned was something I’d rather not dive into.

Pain is familiar. I can handle pain.

The trainers confirmed my suspicion of me having a few bruised ribs basically halting my pre-season in its tracks. They restricted me to non strenuous activities for the rest of the week basically meaning I won’t be allowed on the field until monday. And even then I won’t be cleared for full training.

Karly stayed with me in the locker room the entire assessment, assuring me that I already showed enough skill for a starting spot. I mean I did score twice and assist the two other goals. But that is just one day of training! I have so much more that I can show! 

Now I have to sit here for two weeks and hope that the prosecution doesn’t present a good case.

[lezbevamps]

Unspoken - One Shot, Christmas Fluff

This is a non-canonical event. Whether Lily and Dani really do share feelings for each other in the mainline works will always remain up to the interpretation of the reader, but I thought I would share something light and fluffy for the holidays :)

Summary: Dani’s parents had been pushing her more and more about settling down into a long-term relationship. In a moment of frustration, Dani lied, telling them she was already in a relationship with Lily. As a result, they were invited to spend Christmas together, forcing the two of them to maintain the pretense.

Words: 7500

-

“Okay, so, what do I need to know before meeting your family?” Lily asked, leaning forward in her seat with feigned seriousness.

“Lily, you’ve met my family before,” Dani replied, keeping her eyes on the road.

“Yes, but not as your girlfriend!” Lily teased, her grin wide.

“Pretend girlfriend,” Dani corrected, glancing at the road signs speeding past.

“Obviously,” Lily giggled, the absurdity of the situation bubbling over. The idea of posing as Dani’s girlfriend to get her parents off Dani’s back about dating was hilarious. Lily could already imagine the jokes she’d be making at Dani’s expense for years to come.

“Yeah, obviously,” Dani shot her a look, though her tone was light. Lily, however, was too busy watching the scenery morph into a coastal aesthetic, with the little shops and cafés becoming progressively more beach-themed as they neared their destination.

Minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of Dani’s parents’ house. In their front yard, an inflatable palm tree wrapped in Christmas lights stood proudly amid a sea of pink flamingo lawn ornaments, all of which wore miniature Santa hats.

“Well, here we are…” Dani sighed as she shifted the car into park, her tone caught between resignation and amusement.

“Should I be a good girlfriend and carry in your bags?” Lily quipped, her mischievous smirk making it clear she was reveling in the role.

“For that remark, yes,” Dani replied without missing a beat, stepping out of the car with a smirk. “Yes, you can.”

Before Lily could protest, Dani was already darting up the driveway toward the house.

With the bags slung over her shoulder, Lily approached the house. She could already hear the sound of Dani’s family laughing heartily echoing from inside. As she got closer to the door, her stomach twisted with nerves. Sure, she had met Dani’s family before, but this was different. Staying in their home, pretending to be Dani’s girlfriend - it all felt like a much taller order. Could they even fake enough chemistry to pull it off?

“I thought y’all had been a couple for yeeeears,” Dani’s mom cackled mid-conversation, her voice carrying through the open door. The sound of the latch clicking as Lily stepped inside drew the room’s attention.

“Here she is now!” Mrs. Marrero exclaimed, beaming as she waved Lily over. “Come here, Lil, come on, you’re one of the family now!”

Before Lily could even set the bags down, Mrs. Marrero enveloped her in a warm, almost crushing hug, with Dani’s dad and her brother, Eli, joining in behind her.

As the hug lingered, Lily leaned up on her tiptoes to whisper into Dani’s ear, “I thought you said your parents weren’t supportive of you coming out…”

“They’re not,” Dani muttered back, smirking slightly, “They just really like you.”

Lily’s heart fluttered unexpectedly. Dani’s parents liked her? She couldn’t stop the small, bashful smile that crept onto her face.

As Mrs. Marrero finally released her, she patted Dani on the shoulder. “Well, show her to the guest room! You know where it is. I’ll give you two some time to settle in.”

Dani grabbed a couple of their bags as Lily picked up the rest, trailing after her down the hall toward the room they’d be staying in for the weekend.

Later that evening, the entire family headed downtown for dinner. The streets were alive with the glow of the annual holiday light festival, drawing throngs of people from all across the state. Twinkling lights adorned every lamppost and tree, and festive garlands hung across the streets, creating an enchanting atmosphere. The air buzzed with chatter and laughter, and the faint aroma of roasted chestnuts drifted from a nearby vendor. After circling the bustling parking garage for what felt like forever, they finally found a spot and made their way toward the restaurant.

As they stepped inside, the warmth of the restaurant embraced them.

“Mrs. Marrero! How lovely to see you!” A round-cheeked gentleman with a broad grin approached, stretching his arms out in greeting.

Dani’s mom beamed. “Oh, hi Tony!” she replied, accepting his enthusiastic handshake.

Tony, the owner of the restaurant, turned his attention to Dani and Lily, standing just behind her. “And I see you’ve brought your daughters!” he said jovially, gesturing toward them.

Mrs. Marrero laughed, pulling Dani forward. “Oh, no, no! This is Dani, she’s my daughter,” she clarified with a proud smile. Then she motioned for Lily to step closer. “And this - this is her girlfriend, Lily.”

Tony’s grin widened as he eagerly shook both their hands. “How wonderful to meet you both! Mrs. Marrero, she may not be your daughter yet,” he teased, “but with these lights? So romantic. We see lots of proposals this time of year…” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, his tone light but mischievous.

Mrs. Marrero chuckled and blushed, catching onto his joke. “You hear that, Dani? Tony thinks you should ask her, too!”

Both Dani and Lily turned crimson, their eyes widening in mortified unison.

“This… is… so… awkward…” Lily breathed through clenched teeth, her expression caught between amusement and agony. She discreetly jabbed an elbow into Dani’s side, hoping to prompt her friend into saying something to end the moment.

“I know, I’m so sorry,” Dani whispered back, her voice tinged with panic. She reached over and gave Lily’s hand a quick, reassuring squeeze.

A warmth arose in Lily, and she smiled as she glanced down at their fingers entwined.

Tony guided the family to the largest table by the window, ensuring they had a perfect view of the dazzling festival lights. As they settled in, the group busied themselves with the menus, each person deliberating over the variety of fresh seafood options.

Dani and Lily leaned into each other, sharing a menu. Their voices lowered as they pointed out dishes.

“Oh, look, Dan, they’ve got crab! You love crab,” Lily said, tapping the page.

“And they’ve got shrimp Alfredo too, Lil. That’s your favorite,” Dani replied with a grin.

At the head of the table, Mrs. Marrero observed the interaction with a delighted smile. “Look at you two - you’re like a married couple already!” she teased.

“Heh… maybe one day,” Dani replied awkwardly, forcing a laugh and immediately burying her face back into the menu.

Before the moment could become any more uncomfortable, a loud rap at the window interrupted. Both girls looked up in surprise to see a cheerful man in a Hawaiian shirt adorned with surfing Santas enthusiastically waving at them.

“Lily! Dan!” he shouted, his voice muffled by the glass.

“Oh no, it’s Arthur,” Dani groaned, lowering the menu to hide behind it while still managing a weak wave.

“The dork from work?” Lily asked, trying not to laugh as she waved back.

“Yep… oh great, he’s coming inside,” Dani muttered as Arthur waltzed into the restaurant, looking even more absurd than before. Along with his festive shirt, he was wearing hibiscus-patterned board shorts and a Santa hat with a sun visor attached.

“Fancy seeing you two here!” Arthur greeted brightly as he approached the table.

“Yeah, uh… just here with my family,” Dani said, her cheeks burning red. She could feel her parents’ curious eyes on her. How was she going to explain this? “Mom, Dad, Eli, this is Arthur. Arthur, this is my family!”

“Lovely to meet you all!” Arthur beamed, then turned to Lily. “And good to see you too, Lily! Are you all here just for the lights, or…?”

“They’re staying with us for a few days!” Mrs. Marrero interjected cheerfully before Dani could answer. “We live nearby, and they’re here for the holidays. It’s their first time visiting us as a couple—”

“ - a couple of best friends!” Dani blurted, her voice unnecessarily loud. “Just a couple of gals being pals, enjoying the lights together!” She laughed awkwardly, her eyes darting everywhere except toward Arthur.

Arthur blinked, taken aback by her sudden outburst. “Okay… well, I’ll leave you to it then. Enjoy the lights, and nice to meet you, Dani’s family. See you back at work, ladies!” He waved and quickly made his exit.

Silence fell over the table. All eyes turned toward Dani, confusion etched across everyone’s face.

“I’m just… not out at work yet,” Dani said hastily, grasping at the first excuse she could think of. “No one knows about us, so I just wanted to keep it that way.”

Mrs. Marrero’s expression softened, and she reached over to give Dani’s hand a comforting pat. “I get it, sweetie. I hadn’t even considered that. I’m sorry for almost outing you.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” Dani replied, her smile genuine as she appreciated her mother’s support.

Once everyone had finished their meal, they stepped out into the night air to explore the festival of lights. Mr. and Mrs. Marrero lingered behind with Eli, chatting and admiring the decorations, leaving Dani and Lily to stroll ahead together. The festive glow bathed the streets, and the air was filled with the sound of cheerful chatter and distant holiday music. The atmosphere was almost, as Tony had said, romantic.

“That was a close one with Arthur back there,” Lily said, breaking the comfortable silence.

“I know,” Dani groaned, rubbing the back of her neck. “I was so nervous! I’m sorry for dragging you into this, Lily. We’ve only just got here, and my parents are already embarrassing me. Between that and Arthur showing up? Ugh, it’s a disaster.”

“Embarrassing you?” Lily teased, bumping Dani playfully with her shoulder. “In front of who? It’s just me, Dan. There’s nothing they can say that’ll embarrass you - you’re my best friend! You know me better than anyone, and I’d like to think I know you just as well…”

“That’s…actually really reassuring,” Dani said, glancing over at Lily. Her lips tugged into a soft smile. “Thank you, Lil.”

“You’re welcome, Dan,” Lily replied with a grin. After a beat, she added slyly, “Shouldn’t we be holding hands or something? You know, to maintain the illusion?”

Dani froze for half a second, her face flushing crimson. “You’re… right,” she stammered, quickly reaching for Lily’s hand.

Their fingers intertwined easily, and warmth spread through Dani as she held on tightly.

The two wove through the bustling crowds, their hands still clasped together. Dani’s family lingered a little behind, giving Lily and Dani a moment to themselves. Lily, feeling an uncharacteristic surge of confidence - maybe from being out of town or simply from the joy of spending this time with Dani - led the way, and spotted a photo booth tucked off to the side.

Her eyes lit up. “Let’s get a memento!” she said, tugging Dani toward it.

Dani chuckled as Lily pulled open the small curtain and motioned for her to step inside. Ducking slightly to fit through the narrow opening, Dani settled onto the cramped bench and looked back at Lily, who grinned mischievously before plopping down onto her lap.

“Cozy,” Dani teased, resting her hands awkwardly on the edges of the seat.

The timer on the booth began counting down from three. For the first photo, they smiled brightly, their faces close together. The second flash came quickly, and they both pulled exaggerated silly faces, laughing as the camera captured the moment.

“This one’s to keep up appearances…,” Lily teased, just before the third flash. She leaned up and planted a quick kiss on Dani’s cheek, leaving Dani momentarily stunned as the light went off.

The final photo came almost too fast, and they barely had time to compose themselves. Lily tilted her head toward Dani, flashing her usual glowing smile, while Dani’s face remained flushed, her cheeks glowing red under the booth’s light.

As the session ended, they slipped out of the booth and waited for the photos to print. Dani’s family had already gathered outside. Her dad grabbed the first strip of photos as it came out of the machine.

“This one’s going on the fridge!” he declared, holding it up proudly.

Dani groaned, reaching for the second copy as it printed. “Dad, come on!” she protested, her face burning as she glanced at the pictures in her hand.

She studied the strip carefully, her thumb grazing over the third photo. Lily’s kiss lingered in her mind, her lips curling into a soft smile. She gave it one last glance before tucking it into her jacket’s inner pocket.

Later, as the crowds began to thin, the Marrero family decided it was time for themselves head back to the car too. The drive home to Dani’s parents’ house was short, but after the long day of travel, the bustling festival, Arthur’s unexpected appearance, and the hours of walking under the lights, both Lily and Dani were exhausted. With Eli squeezed into one side of the backseat and Dani on the other, Lily took the middle seat, leaving little space between them.

As the car rolled onto the quiet streets, Dani slipped her arm around Lily, pulling her in close to make the cramped seating more comfortable. Lily instinctively leaned her head on Dani’s shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut. The brunette could feel the tension in Lily’s body melt away as her breathing softened; the familiar scent of Dani’s shirt and the gentle rhythm of the car lulling her into a peaceful sleep.

After just a short drive, the car pulled into the Marrero family’s driveway. Dani glanced down at her friend, smiling at the way Lily’s blonde hair spilled across her shoulder. She gave her a gentle nudge.

“Come on, sleepyhead,” Dani whispered softly, “we’re home.”

“Just… five more minutes…” Lily mumbled, her voice thick with sleep. The slurred request made both Dani and the rest of her family laugh.

“You’ve got a stubborn one here, Dani,” Mr. Marrero teased from the front seat, casting a playful glance back.

“She’s always like this,” Dani replied with a grin, her tone full of fondness. She gave Lily a gentle squeeze, unable to stop herself from smiling at her friend’s sleepy adorableness. Lily shifted slightly, nuzzling closer for a moment before Dani reluctantly gave her another nudge.

“Alright, Lil, let’s get you to bed,” Dani said, her voice as warm as the arm she still had wrapped around her friend.

The blonde stirred awake, rubbing sleep from her eyes as Dani guided her toward the house, her arm resting securely around her waist.

“Thank you for the lovely evening, Mr. and Mrs. Marrero,” Lily managed to say through a yawn. “And it was great meeting you, Eli.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Sleep well!” Mrs. Marrero called after her, smiling warmly.

Dani trailed behind as Lily shuffled toward the bedroom, her steps slow and heavy with exhaustion. She gave her parents a quick hug, also thanking them for the evening, before following Lily and shutting the door behind her.

Inside the room, Lily had already collapsed onto the bed, fully clothed, sprawled across the covers. Dani couldn’t help but chuckle quietly at the sight. Not wanting her friend to sleep uncomfortably, she knelt beside her, gently easing Lily’s jacket off her shoulders and slipping her arms out of it. She adjusted her position slightly, tucking the blankets snugly around her. Instinctively, Lily curled up beneath the covers, her tousled blonde hair fanning across the pillow as soft snores began to fill the room.

Dani stood for a moment, watching her friend’s peaceful expression. There was something about the moment - something tender. Shaking the thought away, she changed into her pajamas and glanced at the bed. They had shared a bed countless times before, but this time felt… different. More intimate, somehow. Uncertain of the boundaries, Dani grabbed a spare blanket from the closet and curled up on the small wicker couch at the foot of the bed. The frame creaked under her weight, and she winced, hoping it wouldn’t disturb Lily.

“Nnngh…” came a sleepy groan from the bed, causing Dani to freeze.

“Come to bed, silly… there’s plenty of room…” Lily’s voice was groggy but insistent.

Dani’s stomach fluttered unexpectedly. Why did that simple invitation make her feel so warm? Hesitant, she draped the spare blanket back over the couch and quietly made her way to the bed. Lily, her eyes barely open, had lifted the comforter, wordlessly gesturing for Dani to join her.

Sliding in beneath the covers, Dani tried to ignore the proximity of their bodies. She lay stiffly at first, unsure of what to do, until Lily spoke again.

“You know,” Lily murmured, her green eyes drowsy but fixed on Dani, “there’s no one else I’d rather have to pretend to be the girlfriend of.” A soft smile spread across her face before her eyes drifted closed once more.

Butterflies stirred in Dani’s stomach. She gazed at Lily for a moment. With a faint smile still playing on her friend’s lips, she felt her own face soften.

“Yeah…” Dani whispered to the quiet room, turning onto her back to stare at the ceiling, “Me too…”

The next morning, Dani awoke to the smell of coffee brewing, and breakfast on the stove. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and shuffled toward the kitchen, where the hum of voices drifted into the hallway. As she stepped into the living area, she found her family gathered around the breakfast bar, with Lily seated at the center of their attention. Her dad was at the stove, flipping eggs in a skillet while her mom and Eli listened intently to whatever story Lily was telling.

“…and that’s when I knew we were meant to be together!” Lily concluded dramatically, earning a round of affectionate laughter from the family.

Dani froze. Her brows knit together in confusion as she stepped further into the room. “What was that?” she asked groggily, her eyes darting between Lily and the rest of her family.

“Oh, you know the story,” Lily replied smoothly, turning toward Dani with a mischievous grin. Before Dani could respond, Lily reached out and pulled her closer, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. “You had planned the whole thing!”

Dani blinked in confusion, stepping back slightly as her cheeks flushed red. “What whole thing?” she whispered, her voice just low enough for Lily to hear.

“Oh, it’s nothing you don’t already know about!” Lily chirped cheerfully, waving her hand dismissively.

Panic bloomed in Dani’s chest as her mind raced. What had Lily been telling them?

Dani opened her mouth to retort, but before she could say anything, Lily stood and pulled her into a tight hug, planting her chin lightly on Dani’s shoulder.

Mrs. Marrero clasped her hands together. “You two really are the sweetest! Dani, you’ve always been such a caring soul, and now you’ve found someone who appreciates you for it.”

Lily pulled back slightly, still holding Dani’s arms, and offered her a warm smile. Dani let out a small sigh, realizing it was impossible to be mad at her. She rolled her eyes, muttering, “You’re lucky I like you.”

Breakfast continued, the table buzzing with chatter about the day’s plans. Afterward, Dani and Lily helped clear the table and got ready for the day.

Here’s a revised version incorporating Mrs. Marrero’s involvement and building on the tension:

Being an unseasonably warm day, the Marreros headed for the beach, and before too long, the family we’d found settling into their favourite spot. Towels were laid out, an umbrella was erect, and Mrs. Marrero began unpacking her seemingly bottomless beach bag.

“Oh, hold on!” Mrs. Marrero exclaimed, pulling out a bottle of sunscreen and holding it aloft like a prize. “Lily, sweetie, with that fair skin of yours, you’ll burn like a lobster in no time - Dani, put this on for her”

“Mom, I think she knows how to put on sunscreen,” Dani muttered, reaching for the bottle.

“Nonsense!” Mrs. Marrero wagged a finger. “She can’t reach her back.” She pushed the sunscreen into her daughter’s hand, giving her a knowing grin before turning her attention to the cooler.

“Um…” Dani looked down at the bottle, her fingers tightening around it as her heart raced.

Lily was already perched on her towel, pulling her hair over one shoulder and tilting her head to the side. “Guess you’re on sunscreen duty, Dan,” she said with a playful smile.

Dani knelt behind her, feeling the heat of the sun on her back and the even warmer heat of her own blush creeping up her neck. She poured some sunscreen into her hands and rubbed them together, her palms clammy.

“Okay… here goes,” Dani mumbled, tentatively placing her hands on Lily’s bare shoulders.

Lily’s skin was soft, and Dani couldn’t ignore how natural it felt to touch her. She smoothed the sunscreen over Lily’s shoulders and down her back, her fingers trailing along the gentle curve of her spine.

“You’re quiet,” Lily said, her voice light but tinged with curiosity.

“I’m just… focusing,” Dani replied, her voice tighter than intended.

Lily chuckled softly. “Didn’t know sunscreen required so much concentration.”

“It does if you don’t want streaks!” Dani shot back, hoping humor would mask her growing nerves. Her hands lingered on the small of Lily’s back for a moment too long, and she quickly cleared her throat, moving to finish.

“There! All done,” Dani said, pulling her hands away as though Lily’s skin had burned her.

“Thanks, Dan,” Lily said, turning to give her a grateful smile. Her green eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and Dani felt her stomach flip.

This wasn’t the first time Dani had helped apply sunscreen or lotion for Lily, but her stomach continued to flutter. Perhaps it’s just because my parents are here, she reasoned with herself. She shoved any lingering thoughts to the back of her mind and slipped into her usual perky persona.

“Last one to the water’s a stinky seaweed!” Dani sang, leaping to her feet and darting toward the waves.

“I’m not a stinky seaweed!” Lily called after her, scrambling to her feet. Her legs pumped as she raced to catch up, her laughter trailing behind her.

Both girls charged into the water, only to be hit with a sudden, icy shock. The cold surged up their spines, leaving their teeth chattering.

“Okay, okay, bad idea!” Dani gasped, hugging her arms to herself.

Lily couldn’t even speak, her body too busy shivering. She nodded fervently, her lips trembling. Together, they tiptoed back toward the sand, their attempts at dignity abandoned as they scurried over the cool, wet ground.

From their towels, Dani’s parents and Eli burst into laughter, watching the spectacle. Dani rolled her eyes good-naturedly as they approached, her cheeks tinged pink from more than just the chill.

“Here, girls,” Mrs. Marrero said, pulling out an oversized, fluffy towel from her bag. “Warm up before you catch colds!”

Dani took the towel and immediately wrapped it around Lily’s shoulders, her shivering friend still too frozen to grab it herself. “There you go,” Dani murmured, draping it securely around her.

“S-so cold…” Lily stammered, teeth chattering.

Dani didn’t think twice, pulling the edge of the towel around herself too and wrapping an arm around Lily’s waist. She drew her close, sharing what little body heat she had left.

Lily instinctively leaned into Dani, resting her head on her shoulder. The tension of the freezing water melted away as warmth began to creep back into their bodies. It was a quiet moment, surrounded by the soothing sound of waves and distant laughter, but both girls felt the same comforting heat spread not just through their chilled limbs, but somewhere deeper too.

Later that afternoon, the family returned home. Mrs. Marrero busied herself in the kitchen, baking cookies, while Eli lounged on the couch, engrossed in a video game. Upstairs, Mr. Marrero napped peacefully. Meanwhile, Dani and Lily were kneeling at the coffee table, decorating a batch of already baked cookies.

To Mrs. Marrero’s mild dismay, the two had foregone traditional holiday designs in favor of spiders and ghosts. Still, she couldn’t help but smile as their laughter filled the room, a testament to how well they got along.

“Oh, Eli,” Mrs. Marrero gushed, glancing toward her son. “Aren’t they adorable? Aren’t you happy for your sister?”

Eli grunted noncommittally, his eyes never leaving his video game.

What happened next only Mrs. Marrero saw. Mr. Marrero had quietly descended the stairs, a mischievous grin on his face. Dangling between his thumb and forefinger was a sprig of mistletoe. He crept into the living room, holding it just above the heads of the two unsuspecting girls.

From her vantage point in the kitchen, Mrs. Marrero giggled. “Pucker up, girls! You’re under the mistletoe!”

Dani froze, her eyes darting upward to see the offending plant dangling mere inches above her. She turned to Lily, who was already looking back at her, eyes wide but with a playful glint.

“We don’t have to - ” Dani started in a hushed tone.

“Hey, we have to sell it, right?” Lily interrupted with a small shrug, her voice light. Before Dani could form a reply, Lily leaned in, eyes fluttering closed and lips slightly parted.

Dani’s breath caught as Lily’s hand gently cupped her cheek, drawing her closer. Their lips met in a soft, fleeting kiss, but as they lingered, the warmth of the moment pulled them further in. Dani swore she felt the faintest brush of Lily’s tongue, and a surge of heat coursed through her. Reality crashed back like a wave, and Dani abruptly pulled away, her eyes snapping open.

Lily was smiling, her expression unreadable but serene. Meanwhile, Eli had finally torn his attention from his game, raising an eyebrow at the scene. Mr. Marrero beamed proudly, and Mrs. Marrero clasped her hands together, practically squealing with delight.

“Cutest. Couple. Ever!” she declared.

Dani’s cheeks burned bright red as her mind raced. Had she just kissed Lily in front of her entire family? And why did it feel so… good?

“I, uh… I need to make a work call,” she stammered, pushing herself to her feet. Without another word, she fled toward the hallway.

“Dani - “Lily called, standing quickly and following her. “Wait!”

Dani darted down the hallway, her heart hammering in her chest. She pushed open the door to the guest room and leaned against the wall inside, trying to catch her breath. Her cheeks were still burning, and her lips tingled faintly from the kiss. What the hell just happened? And why did it feel so… right?

A soft knock came at the door. “Dan?” Lily’s voice called out gently.

“Just… gimme a second!” Dani replied, her voice strained. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push down the flurry of emotions threatening to boil over.

The door creaked open despite her words, and Lily slipped inside. Dani turned away, pretending to busy herself with the desk by the window.

“Hey,” Lily said, her tone cautious. She stepped closer, her bare feet padding softly against the carpet. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dani said quickly, her voice an octave too high. She fidgeted with a pen that had been left on the desk, her back still to Lily.

“Dani.”

The way Lily said her name - soft but firm - made Dani turn around. She found Lily standing just a few feet away, her green eyes filled with concern.

“Talk to me,” Lily urged, crossing her arms. “What’s going on? Was it the kiss? Did it make you uncomfortable? Because if it did, I’m so sorry - ”

“It didn’t,” Dani blurted, then immediately regretted how fast the words left her mouth. Her face burned again as she looked down at the floor.

“Oh…” Lily tilted her head, studying Dani. “Then what’s wrong?”

Dani hesitated, chewing on her lip. She didn’t know how to say it, how to explain the way her heart had practically exploded when Lily kissed her, or the way her skin still buzzed with warmth.

“I… I don’t know,” Dani finally muttered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Lily took another step closer. She reached out, her fingers brushing Dani’s arm. “Hey, it’s me,” she said softly. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

Dani glanced up, meeting Lily’s gaze. For a moment, she felt like she might just spill everything, confess the confusion that had bubbled up over the last 24 hours. But the words wouldn’t come.

Instead, she forced a small laugh. “I guess I’m just not used to kissing in front of an audience,” she joked weakly.

Lily smiled, her hand still resting lightly on Dani’s arm. “Fair enough. Your dad was really going for the dramatics with that mistletoe, huh?”

“Yeah, he’s been waiting his whole life for that moment,” Dani muttered, shaking her head.

Lily chuckled, her laughter soft and melodic. “Well, for what it’s worth,” she said, “I thought it was kind of… nice.”

Dani’s heart skipped a beat. She searched Lily’s face for any sign of teasing but found none.

“Yeah,” Dani said softly. “Me too.”

They stood there in silence for a moment, the air between them charged with something unspoken. Then Lily gave Dani’s arm a gentle squeeze.

“Come on,” she said, her smile widening. “Let’s get back out there before your mom thinks we’re eloping.”

Dani laughed, the tension in her chest easing just a little. “Yeah, okay.”

As they left the room together, Dani couldn’t help but glance at Lily out of the corner of her eye. She knew she had a lot to figure out, but for now, she was content to let things unfold naturally, one moment at a time.

This scenario is filled with tender and awkward moments that really highlight the growing tension between Dani and Lily. Here’s how it might play out:

Dinner at the Marrero house was always a lively affair. Between Mrs. Marrero’s enthusiastic stories, Mr. Marrero’s teasing jokes, and Eli grunting over his food, the house was brimming with warmth. Tonight, however, Mrs. Marrero had insisted on breaking out a bottle of red wine to celebrate the “happy couple’s” visit.

Lily initially hesitated but gave in after Mrs. Marrero poured her a generous glass and offered a knowing wink. One glass turned into two, and by the end of the meal, Lily’s cheeks were rosy, and her giggles came easier.

As the family cleared the table, Dani noticed Lily swaying slightly as she carried a plate to the sink. “Alright, Lil,” Dani chuckled, steadying her by the elbow, “I think that’s enough wine for you tonight.”

“Oh, come on, Dan,” Lily pouted, leaning into her shoulder. “It’s not every day we get treated like this!”

Dani guided Lily toward the guest bedroom after saying goodnight to her parents, keeping her arm firmly around her. Once inside, Lily flopped onto the bed dramatically, her golden hair spilling out like a halo.

“Let’s practice,” she blurted out suddenly.

“Practice what?” Dani asked, perplexed, as she pulled the blanket up to Lily’s chin.

“For the next time we have to kiss,” Lily said with a small hiccup, her green eyes twinkling. “We should, you know, make it convincing.”

“Lily…” Dani’s voice trailed off. She knelt beside the bed, meeting Lily’s gaze. “I don’t think that’s a great idea right now.”

“Why not?” Lily reached for Dani’s hand, pulling her closer. “You’re my pretend girlfriend, remember?” She tugged Dani’s arm until their faces were only inches apart. “Come on, Dan… it’ll make things easier later.”

Dani’s heart thudded in her chest. She wanted to kiss Lily more than anything, but not like this. “You’re drunk,” Dani said softly, brushing a stray strand of hair from Lily’s face. “I don’t want you to regret anything in the morning.”

“I won’t regret it,” Lily murmured, her voice warm and drowsy. She leaned forward, her lips barely brushing Dani’s cheek.

“Lily…” Dani gently pulled away and tucked the blanket more securely around her friend. “You need to get some sleep.”

Reluctantly, Dani stood and grabbed a spare pillow and blanket from the closet. She didn’t trust herself to stay in the same bed as Lily tonight, not with the way her heart was racing. She settled onto the couch in the living room, staring at the ceiling as the house fell into silence.

The next morning, the soft creak of the living room door stirred Dani from her thoughts. She hadn’t slept a wink, her mind replaying the events of the night before.

Mr. Marrero peeked inside, saw Dani curled up on the couch, and quickly shuffled back upstairs to avoid disturbing her. But the faint sound of the door closing was enough to wake Lily.

She padded quietly out of the guest room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her stomach churned slightly from the wine, but her head felt clear enough. When she spotted Dani on the couch, her heart sank.

“Dani?” Lily whispered.

Dani turned her head, her tired eyes meeting Lily’s. “Hey,” she said, her voice hoarse.

“Why didn’t you sleep in the bed?” Lily asked, stepping closer.

Dani sighed and sat up, running a hand through her messy hair. “You were… a little out of it last night,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Lily frowned, piecing together the fragments of the night before.

“Uncomfortable how?” Lily tilted her head, her green eyes searching Dani’s face.

“I - well, I just didn’t want to end up doing something you’d regret,” Dani explained, her voice quieter now, her gaze focused somewhere on the floor.

“Oh…” The memories of the night before flickered in Lily’s mind, as did the kiss they’d shared beneath the mistletoe.

The room filled with silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts, the weight of unspoken feelings hanging between them.

“You know…” Lily’s voice broke through softly, “I wouldn’t have regretted anything.”

Dani’s stomach twisted at the words. She doesn’t mean that, Dani told herself. Lily’s too kind, too thoughtful to ever want to hurt my feelings.

The brunette opened her mouth to respond but couldn’t muster any words. Instead, she nodded as though in agreement, though she was understanding less and less by the minute.

Her heart thudded against her ribs as she glanced toward Lily, who seemed to be waiting for something, her expression open and vulnerable. Dani didn’t know whether to lean in or pull away entirely, so she chose the only option she could trust: she stayed rooted in place, silent.

Later that afternoon, the family made their way back downtown. It was Christmas Eve, and Mrs. Marrero had a few last-minute errands to run. She decided it was the perfect excuse to get everyone out of the house for some fresh air. While she, Dani’s dad, and Eli wandered the cobblestone streets, weaving through frantic holiday shoppers, Dani and Lily broke off from the group and headed toward the docks for a bit of time alone.

The waterfront was quieter than the bustling main street, the sound of waves lapping against the dock filling the space between them. Dani shoved her hands deeper into her jacket pockets, feeling the weight of the silence between her and Lily.

Lily walked a few steps ahead, turning to face the water. The breeze tugged at her hair, and for a moment, Dani let herself admire the sight of her friend, the sunlight catching her golden strands.

“You’re quiet,” Lily said, glancing over her shoulder.

“Just… thinking,” Dani replied, her voice tight.

Lily stepped closer, a small smile tugging at her lips. “About how romantic this is?”

Dani let out a nervous laugh, kicking a loose pebble. “Sure. Romantic.”

“Hey,” Lily said softly, her tone suddenly serious. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been… off since last night.”

Dani sighed, her shoulders slumping. “It’s nothing. Really.”

Lily tilted her head, unconvinced. She reached out, her fingers lightly brushing Dani’s sleeve. “It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

The touch made Dani’s heart race. She swallowed hard, willing her voice to stay steady. “I just don���t want to mess this up.”

Lily frowned. “Mess what up?”

“This. Us. I don’t want things to get weird between us.”

Lily’s expression softened, and she took a step closer. “Dani, we’ve been through everything together. I don’t think anything could mess us up.”

Dani looked down at Lily, the sincerity in her green eyes making her chest ache. “You say that, but…”

“But nothing,” Lily interrupted gently. She reached for Dani’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “You’re stuck with me, Marrero. Best friends forever.”

Dani’s lips twitched into a small smile, the tension in her shoulders easing slightly. “Best friends forever.”

Later that evening, Mrs. Marrero was in her element. She had bought matching Christmas pajamas for everyone; a festive red and green plaid set complete with soft, fuzzy socks.

“Isn’t this just adorable?” she gushed as she handed the folded sets to each family member.

Dani groaned, muttering under her breath, tugging at the collar of her pajama shirt, “Adorable isn’t exactly the word I’d use…”

“Oh, hush,” Lily teased, nudging her with an elbow. “I think they’re cute!”

Dani’s mom beamed at Lily. “See? At least someone appreciates my efforts. Learn a manner or two from your girlfriend, Danielle.”

With everyone dressed and cozied up, Mrs. Marrero set the table with steaming mugs of hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and peppermint sprinkles. She turned off the overhead lights, leaving only the glow of the Christmas tree and a few candles to bathe the room in a soft, golden warmth.

“Time for a movie!” she announced, flipping through her streaming service.

She settled on A Christmas Romance in Paris, a lighthearted but undeniably romantic holiday film. “This one’s perfect,” she declared, oblivious to the sudden awkwardness between Dani and Lily.

The family gathered in the living room, and with limited seating, Dani’s dad and Eli claimed the couch while Mrs. Marrero curled up in her favorite armchair. That left the recliner - the smallest piece of furniture - for Dani and Lily.

“Come on, girls, you can squeeze in,” Mrs. Marrero said, waving them toward it.

Lily plopped into the chair without hesitation, looking up at Dani expectantly. Dani hesitated, the close quarters making her stomach flutter in a way she couldn’t quite ignore.

“Dani, sit!” Mrs. Marrero called, a touch of impatience in her voice.

Reluctantly, Dani slid into the chair beside Lily, their thighs brushing as the seat reclined. Dani shifted awkwardly, trying to create space, but there simply wasn’t any.

As the movie began, Dani could feel every small movement Lily made, from the way her arm lightly grazed hers to the warmth radiating off her body. When a particularly romantic scene in the movie played out - the main characters co-worker confessing his hidden, lingering feelings for her - Dani felt her chest tighten.

Lily glanced sideways at her. “Cute, right?” she whispered softly.

“Yeah,” Dani muttered, focusing intently on the screen.

But Lily noticed Dani inching further away, awkwardly pressing herself against the recliner’s edge as if the closeness was too much to bear. The slight hurt Lily’s feelings, and her brows knitted in confusion.

“What’s your problem?” Lily whispered sharply.

Dani turned to her, wide-eyed. “My problem?” she hissed back. “You’re the one making this weird!”

“Making what weird?” Lily’s voice rose slightly, but she caught herself, not wanting to draw attention. “Dani, I’m just sitting here.”

“You’re - ” Dani stopped herself, cheeks flushing. “Forget it.”

“No, say it,” Lily pressed, her voice low but firm. “What’s wrong with me sitting next to you?”

“It’s not you, okay? It’s… me,” Dani admitted reluctantly, her voice barely audible. She shook her head, clearly flustered, tugging again at the collar of her pajamas “I just - I need some air.”

Before Lily could respond, Dani was already climbing out of the recliner and heading for the door.

“Dani, wait,” Lily called after her, but Dani was gone, slipping into the night.

Mrs. Marrero, noticing the commotion, looked over from her armchair. “Everything okay, sweetheart?”

Lily forced a smile, even though her heart felt heavy. “Yeah, she just needed a break. I think the heat got to her.”

But as she sank back into the recliner alone, watching the Christmas tree lights twinkle in the dim room, Lily couldn’t help but wonder if Dani was running from something else entirely.

Outside, Dani leaned against her car, parked in the driveway, staring up at the clear night sky. The stars twinkled above her, but a storm brewed inside. Why was this so hard? Why were these feelings surfacing now?

She wiped away the tears threatening to fall, lost in the quiet until the sound of the front door opening cut through the silence. Lily stepped out into the darkness, joining her.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Lily asked, standing before Dani, her green eyes filled with concern.

“I…” Dani trailed off, unsure of how to begin. “I don’t know how.”

“Just say it. It’s me - your best friend.” Lily took Dani’s hand, gently running her fingers across it. “Word vomit. Start with what you know, and the rest will come. I’m right here.” She squeezed Dani’s hand softly.

Dani finally looked up, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears.

“I’m just confused, okay?” she began, her voice trembling. “You and I - this whole pretend girlfriend thing. It’s making me question everything…”

Lily took a step back, worry in her eyes. “Did I upset you? Did I ruin our friendship? I’m really sorry - ”

“No,” Dani interrupted, shaking her head. “It’s not you. It’s me. I think… I let my feelings get away from me. I think… I’m kinda… falling for you.”

“Oh.”

Dani froze, terrified of Lily’s reaction. That single syllable hung in the air between them, heavier than any silence they had ever shared.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Dani quickly added, her voice shaking. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want to mess things up between us. I just -”

“Dani,” Lily cut her off gently, stepping closer. Her green eyes softened as she took Dani’s hand again. “You’re falling for me?”

Dani nodded, biting her bottom lip. “Yeah… I think I am. But I know it’s stupid, and I know this whole thing was just for show. You don’t have to say anything. I - ”

“Dani,” Lily interrupted again, firmer this time. “Stop apologizing for your feelings.”

Dani blinked at her in surprise.

“I…” Lily hesitated, her cheeks flushing pink. “I’ve been questioning things too. All this pretending - it started to feel real for me too.”

Dani’s breath caught. “Wait. Really?”

Lily nodded, her voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t know how to bring it up. I didn’t even know if you’d feel the same way. But yesterday… when we kissed…”

The memory of the kiss beneath the mistletoe rushed back to both of them, and Dani’s heart thudded in her chest.

“I felt it too,” Lily admitted, her voice trembling. “And I’ve been scared of what it means. Scared of ruining what we have.”

Dani stared at her, her mind racing. She reached out, cupping Lily’s cheek with a trembling hand. “You mean that?”

Lily leaned into Dani’s touch, her eyes glistening. “Yeah, I mean that.”

Dani hesitated for just a moment, her heart racing as she met Lily's gaze, her breath catching in her throat. Then, without another thought, she closed the space between them. Her hands gently cupped Lily's face, her fingertips brushing the soft skin of her cheeks as she leaned in, heart pounding in her chest.

The moment their lips met, it was soft and tentative, as if testing the waters of something neither of them had fully allowed themselves to acknowledge before. The kiss deepened slowly, an unspoken release of everything they had been holding back-every doubt, every fear, every longing that had been simmering beneath the surface. Dani's lips were warm and insistent, pulling Lily closer, while Lily's response was equal parts curiosity and tenderness, her fingers finding their way to Dani's neck, tracing the line of her jaw.

There was no rushing, no urgency-just the quiet, powerful affirmation that this was real, and it was happening. The kiss was like an unspoken promise, a shared confession in the space between breaths, a breaking down of walls that neither had realized they'd built. It was sweet, gentle, but filled with everything they had been too afraid to say.

For a few moments, nothing else existed but the feeling of each other, the soft press of lips, the brush of hands, the quiet storm of emotions finally given permission to surface.

When they pulled apart, Lily let out a soft laugh, her cheeks glowing. “So… what now?”

Dani smiled, brushing a strand of blonde hair out of Lily’s face. “Now, we stop pretending.”

Lily grinned, leaning her forehead against Dani’s. “Finally.”

They intertwined their fingers, the simple touch feeling more genuine than anything that had come before. With a shared glance, they turned and headed back inside the house, their steps light but sure. There was no need for pretense anymore, no more acting or hiding. What they felt was real, undeniable, and no longer something they had to bury. The air between them felt different now, charged with the honesty they had both been craving, and as they crossed the threshold, they knew they had stepped into a new chapter - together.

[onlyposersfallinlovee]

10 steps forward and 3 steps back is still forward progress.

But you never saw it that way, did you?

To you, any amount of steps in the wrong direction was the end.

Even if those steps in reverse were your fault.

Was a little reassurance too much to ask? Or because of my past, were all of my problems irrelevant until yours were gone? I always thought we'd work through both of our bullshit together. Especially last time. I thought you had my back finally. That I could let my demons out and you'd help me slay them while I helped you slay yours. Go to battle together, not alone.

And I damn sure didn't think that me needing a turn on the therapy couch was grounds for you slaughtering me like you did. I didn't think I wasn't allowed to have demons.

But, as always, my problems had to take a backseat and boil on the stove until it was too much and it boiled over. Yet, you can justify what you did by saying your problems built up until they exploded like a frag grenade.

Why couldn't we just take turns taking care of each other. We both did damage. We both have to be selfless. Not do shit like make excuses for why we can't help one another. Not sit there and say "After your last episode, which started because of something I did (that you claim didn't happen but it did, I have the screenshot), I'm so apathetic that I can't give you love and care and reassurance."

What the actual fuck is that and how did we get there and why can't we just flat out drop and kill that mentality? Regardless of who was right and wrong? Why can't we get in fights about "no it's my turn to care for you," and compete for who can be the most loving instead of competing for whose turn it is to be a mess and lash out?

You've always wanted the better days, while walking away during the hard times it would've taken to get there.

I think that's what killed me the most.

We could have and should have.

But you were always looking for a reason to leave instead of reasons to stay.

You were creating those reasons to leave because you were scared it might not work out.

Creating the end of us by your own hands so you wouldn't feel guilty for running back to what was safe, but will never be as rewarding as the future we could have built together.

You wanted to be vindicated and absolved of blame, even though, at the end, it was all on you anyway.

I hope, at least, that you take comfort in that false notion. For a little while, anyway. Until the day comes when you realize you were wrong. So wrong. About everything.

You couldn't see what I saw in our future. Or you didn't want to. Or your ego wouldn't let you.

You couldn't trust my eyes and what I saw in spite of your blindness to it.

And for a while there, I'll admit it was me. And the biggest realization I've had in all of this, is that it no longer is and that I was right. All along. You were exactly who I thought you were, who I was terrified you secretly were, in spite of all your pretty words telling me otherwise, all along and none of your defense mechanisms will ever change that truth.

There was no self-fulfilling prophecy. Just a failure on both of our parts, to foster an environment in which healthy conflict could take place.

But, I guess, it's irrelevant at this point. I'll never slow down enough for you to catch up, and you'll never speed up to try to match the pace at which I want to fix this.

Even now, not even as lovers, but as a friends; the best friend I've ever had in my life, if I'm being honest. If it's a shit-show when we're deep in romance, why can't we be honest and say "ok, fuck that. Let's not try again," but still love one another anyway as two humans who genuinely still enjoy almost everything the other has to offer? Because I know that, minus the love we shared, every other part of us just clicks, and I don't want to miss out on that for the rest of my life. When I marry her next year, I want you to be there. I want to be able to thank you for getting me to her. I want to dance with you on my wedding day too, as two people who loved lost and found the best kind of love there is: unconditional and without strings. Without sex, feelings, anger, love, sadness, or happiness. Just love.

Am I just supposed to be content having known you and lost you the rest of my life and miss out on a wonderful friend simply because we tried love and it didn't work?

Yeah, I wish to God that the story didn't end this way, but it did.

The ending we pictured for ourselves will never be a reality. But that's ok. We could, if you'd let us, make a different one.

So why can't we write a new ending? One where we never love again, but still end up happy together at the end.

Why can't we drop all the other shit and just fix a goddamn wall together?

Is that really such a tall task for you?

[ashadowofburnedoutstardust]

Oh man, all the above. -H

Hello H

I can't sleep so I'm going to try to be productive instead so here we go

I haven't done a layout like this in literal years, 22 cards here we go, let's treat this as a timeline

What should you do next?

Querant: Death

Well that's deeply appropriate given the question you've asked even if it is open ended....what should you do next....for everything?

"Vita Mutatur, Non Tollitur" (Life is changed not taken away) is inscribed on the tombstone on my deck, the angel of death watches over a "sleeping" woman surrounded by butterflies

This card typically represents change and metamorphosis, letting go of something to make room for something new, the end of an old chapter, the final breath you take before you leap

Past feelings: The Lovers RV / The Tower / 3 of Wands RV / The Star RV / 3 of Swords / 9 of Cups

Manipulation and mistrust, changes in fortune, setbacks in progress, the need to focus on the blessings you do have, facing consequences, the re-evaluation of your needs and desires

What is it you cherish and have you been true to yourself? Have you been able to let go of the false assumptions you made that led you to where you ended up? The plans you made didn't work out the way you thought they would and you are left dissatisfied, though you are overwhelmed you know that you can find the right path by looking in a new direction.

There is so much need/indication for a change in this set almost as if this situation was thrust upon you by someone else choices or simply the passing of time finally catching up with you. Life can be unpredictable but challenges are there to be overcome, you can sit in your own uninspired misery and crumble along with the tower or you can see it as an opportunity to rebuild anew. By all means take your time to grieve but don't lose the lesson, when you have reached the bottom there is nowhere to go but up again.

The desire for change, the need for change, the opportunity to make the change can all be terrifying prospects but there is a light at the end of tunnel. To reach for the next bar and move forward you have to let go of the previous one

Present position: The Hanged Man RV / King of Wands / Queen of Wands / King of Pentacles / 8 of Pentacles

The need/readiness to move forward, a renewal in enthusiasm but fickle in making a firm decision, disorganisation preventing you from moving forward and committing

Having the self awareness of the need to let go, good. You are also resisting it, well that's understandable too. Take your moment, but when the call comes make sure you are ready. Use the unsatisfied feelings as a source of motivation, you know what it is you don't want and its time to discard those things

Seeking independence can be a tough challenge especially financially and needs proper planning to give you the outcome you desire. Did you do the proper goal setting? Did you attain the proper information to formulate your plans properly?

This section is all about work/business/money, is it a career/lifestyle change? It seems more like seeking to balance the two and the way those things affect your stress levels. It's step by step, don't go making any rash decisions and check over the finer details before going forward. one step at a time, not two forward and then one back. The mental frustration you will face at having to re evaluate how you think and go about this process will be challenging which is why I urge caution

Double check, ensure your footing, then move forward.

Next turn of events: The High Priestess / The Unknown Card / The World / Page of Swords

The need for an open mind, patience, the end of an old journey, the solving of problems

My deck while being typical Rider Waite also possesses and extra card than the typical deck, "The unknown card", it's not common as far as I'm aware so I will provide its general definition for your benefit.

"It can signify something from the past that one may not fully understand, or something that will happen soon. Wherever the Unknown card falls within a spread will indicate what area still needs to unfold and that further steps need to be taken in order to clarify the bigger picture. The Unknown card can also signify the importance of one looking deeper into the issues at hand in order to find answers. It can also represent the importance of moving forward with an open mind and without bias.

The figure in the card beckons the querent to take a look into her crystal ball, however, the image in the ball is cloudy and unclear. With time, patience, and introspection, the picture will soon be revealed"

There's a transition here: plans were made that affected the change but we still await its outcome. Did we get what we planned for? Do we still have to fight for it? This is when we find out.

Its time to trust in your curiosity and cement the new connections that have presented themselves. Challenges are there to be overcome and if you have heeded the advice you have the chance to make your changes permanent and fulfilling. This is the end of the old and the beginning of the new.

You will still have to deal with detractors; they aren't necessarily doubting you or your abilities, but even watching someone making a choice they may see as too difficult or getting the opportunity to make one they wish they had the courage to do for themselves can be jarring. Keep your focus on yourself and realise that they are projecting their fears onto you, not trying to sabotage the work you have put in. Keep hold of your enthusiasm and prove to yourself and to them that it is achievable.

If you need to step away from these people to achieve that, then do so. It may be the changes you haven't sensed taking place in yourself that may be revealed to you

Distant Future potential: The Fool / 6 of Wands / Temperance RV / Knight of Wands / 7 of Wands RV

New choices and new beginnings, a prideful vindication, the need for harmony, think out your next steps carefully, insecurity

And here we have the new beginning itself, and the new challenges that come with it, you have stepped outside the cave to discover the world as well as meet the reality of it. Whatever this project is, its time for it to launch properly.

Take advantage of the chance you have been given and embrace the unknown however scary that may be. Here is where the real work will begin but take care of your balance and don't push yourself into exhaustion or rely on the approval of others to keep you going, and most importantly don't rush, following that plan you made will keep you on track to take advantage of better options and keep your enthusiasm in the right direction.

The rush of having achieved success can sometimes go to peoples heads and make them feel invincible causing them to make silly work decisions. If your gut is telling you something doesn't feel right, listen to it

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE LONG TERM GOAL!!!!

Outcome: 5 of Cups

A waste of energy spent on things you should have let go of, close the door, focus on what is being offered to you rather than what you have left behind

The beauty of hindsight is that we can learn from it

Did you let go of what you needed to? Did it end up holding you back? Forgive yourself if you didn't manage it in time, our lives and our minds are always a work in progress and there are always going to be things we can never undo, grieve but do not dwell on it for too long, take the lesson you needed and keep moving.

💜🪽🌟

[themagenamedsage]

Nothing Else Matters (Part 2/2)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Witch!Reader

Warnings: Season 4 Spoilers, Heavy Angsty, Explicit Language, References to Major Character Death, Reader’s Morals are Gray at Best. Reader uses she/her/hers pronouns. Few uses of Y/N, though reader is primarily referred to through the use of a nickname.

Summary: Dabbling in this type of magic would no doubt create an imbalance, messing with the natural order of things. But then again, there was nothing natural about the way he died.

Word Count: 8,262

A/N: At long last, Part 2 is finally here! We apologize for the wait but we thank you for your patience and for all of the support on the previous part. Before we move forward, we want to update you all on a couple of things.

First- As we’ve previously stated, we are working on continuing this story as a full fic. But based on the story we want to tell and the angle we’re going for, the fic will most likely go back in time and start at the beginning of ST4. This two part one shot can be considered a prologue and an epilogue of sorts, since we most likely will not be taking the story any further than the final scene of ST4, at least for the time being. 

Second- In terms of how frequently we will be able to release chapters, that is unfortunately TBD for the time being as well. With both of our schedules and separate projects that are still in progress, it’s definitely going to be a challenge to get them out as frequently as we’d like. But we’re still going to try our best and promise to not leave you hanging! 

With all of that said, we’re very much looking forward to continuing this story that has grown so near and dear to both of our hearts over the past couple of months and we hope you all continue to follow along!

If you’d like to be added to the taglist, please feel free to let us know! 🖤

Listen to the playlist here. 🎶

PART 1 can be found here!

There were a few good things about the fact that Hawkins was in a mild state of chaos.

Compared to everything else going on in town, a girl walking along the side of the road was the least of many people’s worries and hadn’t garnered much attention. 

It also helped that she had literally chosen the road less traveled. Hardly anyone used the roads located on the outskirts of town. The main highway - although almost always jammed - pointed right in the direction of the city, which made it far more appealing to those coming to and going from Hawkins. The surrounding back roads were a far safer bet. 

At first, there had been one car that passed her as she walked along the nearly abandoned roads, and it had slowed down as they passed by. The older woman in the driver’s seat had been traveling alone. Fortunately, due to the array of borrowed clothing she had chosen to disguise herself with, the woman hadn’t recognized her from the local news.

The woman smiled warmly at her whilst offering her a ride. She turned it down quickly, forcing herself to act as natural as she could muster so as not to raise suspicion. Thankfully, her polite refusal hadn’t been given a second thought and she had been left alone.

Since her encounter with that first car, she made it a point to dash into the woods alongside the road whenever the grumbling of a car was heard coming towards or up behind her. 

Unfortunately, though the roads initially seemed nearly empty, the longer she walked, the more cars she encountered. And before long, she took many, many quick side steps into the brush to take cover. And what had been more unfortunate, was that what would have been a near hour walk already quickly turned into a multi-hour affair. 

Other than that, the journey had been surprisingly easy. 

Almost too easy.

It was ridiculous, to say the least. Why would you risk being spotted loitering around the scene of the crime you allegedly helped commit? But after much consideration and deliberation, she concluded that it might not be as risky as previously thought. If she was correct - which, knowing her parents and the people who were now in charge of Hawkins law enforcement, she most likely was - where she was headed was the absolute last place anyone would imagine her turning up. 

When her destination finally came into view, she almost cried. For more reasons than one.

The trailer park was an eerie sight.

There was not a soul to be seen. The nosy neighbors who had once spent most of their free time outside just in an effort to watch everyone else come and go had long since abandoned their humble abodes in favor of the safety some motel rooms a few towns over could provide. 

Even the stray cats that seemed to occupy the gravel roads like citizens in their own right were nowhere to be seen. She spared a brief passing thought for them, hoping that, like their human counterparts, they had been able to find shelter elsewhere.

It was quiet, too. 

Music, the sound of barking dogs, and the sizzling of fires had not been uncommon pieces of the trailer park’s usual ambience. But none of those noises filled the air that night.

It had been completely deserted.

When the trailer - their trailer - came into view, she froze.

It looked like a shell of its former self. The gate's opening had caused it to split right down the middle, a grotesque scene of the place she had once dwelled in.

But it was home.

It was the only place she’d ever been able to call home, really. She lived with her parents, in the family house. But living with the Munsons, in their trailer, had been home.

The heavy metal and old country music battling for audibility whenever Wayne was around. The clutter that prevented the trailer from ever being clean, but always indicated that it was a space well-lived in.

All of it was gone.

There was no door, not anymore. The only way in was to climb up and over the opposite side of the trailer, which had folded over upon themselves.

The task was a bit of a struggle, but not any more than the countless other challenges she’d faced over the past two days.

Once she was inside the remains of the trailer, she stopped for a moment to observe her surroundings. It had been the first time she’d stepped foot in their bedroom since… 

Her breath hitched in her throat.

The bedroom that she had shared with her other half for over a year. The mattress stained with a plethora of things - some of which neither of them would ever specifically divulge - had most likely disintegrated. And though it made no sense, his most prized possession was long gone- the place where he had so lovingly hung it upon the bedroom wall was bare. However, some version of it had to still be out there, she reckoned.

… Better that way. At least it was with its owner.

For now.

Once she’d gotten her bearings, she slowly started down what used to be the hallway. She allowed her memory to guide her more than anything else, considering the visible remnants of it were almost completely unrecognizable.

She rummaged around in her bag briefly before finding the emergency candles Dustin had given to her the first night she’d spent in her aunt’s house, when he’d also dropped off the food.

Oh, sweet Dustin.

She smirked to herself bitterly. What would the boy have thought about her chosen use of the candles now?

As she stood there, they felt heavy in her hand. But the forbidden journal she’d found, which was still in the bag slung off her shoulder, felt even heavier. 

She lit one with the lighter - Eddie’s lighter - she had also managed to grab before she left. Watching the flame for just a second, she blew it out. As the smoke slowly disintegrated into the surrounding airspace, a moment of doubt snuck upon her, and for the first time in several hours, she questioned what she had set out to do. 

What would Steve think?

What she was thinking of doing was wrong, terribly wrong. 

Not only would each of her new friends completely detest and possibly fear her actions, it was also considered taboo among most other practitioners. Death was a natural occurrence of life, and matters related to it were highly advised not to be messed with. Dabbling in this type of magic would no doubt create an imbalance, messing with the natural order of things.

But then again, there was nothing natural about the way he died.

That realization quickly prevented her from feeling too guilty, taking a moment to replay the day’s previous events in her mind. She used the rapidly increasing fury for motivation and pushed all other thoughts to the side, before looking up at the open space above the trailer wistfully. 

The gate, still glowing ever so slightly, was directly in front of her. Unlike before, she didn’t have to climb any ropes or go through any more obstacles.

All she had to do this time was just walk straight in. 

She placed the candle on the ground, and pulled out one final item.

Her walkman and headphones. 

Putting them on, she took a deep breath. As she began to brace herself for what was to come, she exhaled before pressing play.

All Dustin could think about was her.

Steve hadn’t been lying when he’d said he didn’t take the news of their decision well. 

He was furious. And extremely concerned.

Dustin considered her a friend now. A valuable member of their party. And now he was just supposed to stay away from her. After she had lost everything?! 

The others had assured him that she would be okay, that they were still looking after her, and that she wouldn’t be alone. Steve swore up and down that she had understood the situation and didn’t misinterpret it as an act of abandonment on his part. Deep down, Dustin questioned his friend’s honesty at that moment, but he ultimately chose to trust him. The truth was, there had been some validity in Steve’s argument behind the decision.

And Dustin couldn’t contain his excitement upon seeing his beloved friends return from months of living halfway across the country. He’d limped as fast as he could just to greet them. 

Once the salutations had been exchanged, he filled them in briefly before they went their separate ways yet again. The others were eager to visit Max after hearing of her condition. So, while they headed on over to the hospital, Dustin had decided to stick with Steve and Robin, accompanying them to the school instead. 

He sat in the backseat of Steve’s car, listening to him drone on after witnessing Jonathan and Nancy’s reunion. 

“I know they never broke up or anything, but you saw how Nancy was whenever any of us brought him up. She seemed conflicted!”

“They’ve been going long distance for almost a year now. It can be really hard on any relationship- make you question your feelings,” Robin retorted.

“Yeah, but this is Nancy we’re talking about. She knows exactly who she is and what she feels.”

Robin rolled her eyes at her best friend’s ridiculous argument. “But at the end of the day, he’s still her boyfriend.”

Steve stammered, trying - and failing - to find any evidence to the contrary. He sighed, admitting defeat. “I know…”

“I don’t know what you expected, Steve.” She shook her head, trying to hold back a laugh, knowing that it wasn’t his fault that he was still head over heels in love with his high school sweetheart.

“I just thought that we had connected. After everything that we’d experienced together down there, you know?”

Dustin would have been lying if he said he’d been paying much attention to any of what his two older friends had been saying. But Steve’s last statement got his full attention immediately. 

Steve was one to talk, he thought. 

They continued their banter while Dustin’s mind wandered back to his new friend, the one that had endured the same tragic loss he had just two days prior. The same one that was now sitting alone in her aunt’s old house, most likely replaying what had happened over and over again in her mind. Except now, she didn’t have him to lean on. 

Dustin then opted to focus on the music that was playing in the background. The low hum of Bring On the Dancing Horses echoed through the small speakers in Steve’s beloved BMW.

“Sage loves this song.”

The sound of Dustin’s voice quickly silenced the two sitting in the front seat. Steve looked back at him through the rearview mirror, a flash of concern on his face at the mention of his estranged friend.

“It’s by one of her favorite bands. It was on the tape Eddie told me to play, in case Vecna got her.” 

Robin looked at Steve sympathetically, knowing exactly what was going through his mind upon hearing Dustin’s words. 

Steve tried his best to keep his eyes on the road, but also watched Dustin intently as he continued to talk.

“She really loved listening to music. Eddie said it always made her feel better. Does she have all her tapes with her? Maybe we should call and check-”

Steve merely shook his head. “She’s got ‘em all.” 

Dustin opened his mouth to continue, but Steve quickly cut him off. “And she’s got plenty of food and water and everything else she needs. She’s okay, Buddy. I promise.” 

He nodded, knowing that Steve had gotten wise to his motives and most likely wouldn’t allow him to pry any further. 

Steve pulled into the parking lot. Though school was not in session, the amount of cars already parked outside of the building and the people who could already be seen coming and going from the gym’s entrance would have suggested otherwise.

“You just gotta leave her be for now.”

The music blared through her headphones. It was a very welcome distraction from the various noises she knew would be waiting for her on the other side. 

But she had failed to remember one small detail before venturing into Mordor once again.

The gate was slimy. And it was fucking gross. 

Upon entrance, she was covered head to toe in what looked like it had come from straight out of some supernatural horror movie. One which she was now living in, apparently.

She wiped her face off with the inside of her jacket sleeve, not even taking the time to be gentle around her eyes, and spit out into the open. 

Once she’d gotten as clean as she imagined she was going to get, she headed to the upside down version of the bedroom, and somewhat carelessly dumped her belongings in the bag out onto the floor. She spotted the remaining safety candle, and grabbed it as gently as possible, before blowing on the unlit wick. 

It was one of the most exciting things she could have possibly seen in her current situation. The candle caught aflame right in front of her eyes, without her even having to light it. 

“Ha!” she laughed triumphantly before setting the candle down, just for a minute, as she gathered her things. 

As soon as she was set, the mood quickly shifted once more as the implications of what she had to do came over her, much like a sudden storm.

The candle in her hand did little to provide any actual light as she made her way out of the remnants of the trailer and into the Upside Down. But, like the music that continued to blare through the headphones situated over her ears, it grounded her, giving her something else to focus on then the dark setting surrounding her. Not to mention the fact that the creatures that were potentially still roaming around were averse to fire.

She wandered for a few minutes. The memories of that night - with a few notable exceptions - were hazy at best, causing the exact location she sought to be unknown. All she knew for sure was that everything had gone down in the general vicinity of the trailer.

Sure enough, after a few minutes of searching, her eyes landed on the bottoms of the white sneakers she knew so well that she swore she’d have been able to pick them out of a line up. She froze, her eyes forcing themselves shut before they dared to venture further up than that of the shoes.

Her eyes had only been on him for a mere second before she turned on her heels, rushing to the closest form of shrubbery in sight. Her body convulsed as she emptied the contents of her stomach, bile coating the dried up flowers littered about the neighboring trailer’s front lawn area.

She’d been so focused on the task at hand, she hadn’t given much consideration to how she’d react upon seeing him again. 

Once it seemed as though there was nothing left to throw up, she quickly wiped her mouth and tried to focus on her breathing, and the lyrics of the song playing. 

“Under blue moon I saw you. So soon you’ll take me.”

It was one of their songs. The memories tied to it were ones of happiness and safety. She turned back around and this time, forced her eyes open, trudging her feet forward. Her heart shattered more than she thought was still possible with each heavy step she took.

“Up in your arms too late to beg you. Or cancel it, though I know it must be the killing time.”

There he was. Still laying there in the dirt, unceremoniously splayed out upon the ground. It was a gruesome scene to leave him in. And yet, she’d been given no choice in the matter.

“Unwillingly mine.”

Her knees gave out beneath her as she fell to the ground beside him, not at all unlike she had 48 hours ago.

Tears clouded her vision as her eyes traveled upwards, starting with the white sneakers he made no serious effort to keep clean, all the way up towards his face.

… Fuck.

His soft brown eyes, once so full of life, were now clouded and focused somewhere beyond. She felt herself let out a sob.

“‘And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed on into the West, until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water.’”

The gentleness of Eddie’s voice as he read Return of the King always did wonders to lull her to sleep. He knew it too. The light hand that ran idle fingers through her hair was further evidence of his harmless intentions. 

The two of them were laying on his bed, limbs intertwined this way and that. The rainy Sunday afternoon was the perfect excuse for a midday nap.

“‘And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil, the gray rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back, and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise,’” Eddie finished.

A few moments of silence passed.

“You paused,” she said, her voice muffled as her face was pressed to the front of his shirt.

“... Do you think that’s really what it’s like?” he wondered, his voice even quieter. “You know… after?’

She hummed, the clutches of sleep rendering her almost devoid of clear thoughts. Still, the sudden shift in his tone urged her to reply softly, “I’d like to think so.”

Eddie’s hand came to a stop on the back of her head. “Yeah… I think so too.” Then, he cleared his throat. “Right… Where were we? -”

She hoped to whatever higher powers that be, that his sweet soul had managed to wind up there.

White shores. A far green country. A swift sunrise.

After everything he’d done, it was the least he deserved.

“Fate. Up against your will. Through the thick and thin. He will wait until you give yourself to him.”

And if there was any chance, any chance at all, that what he was experiencing was anything less than that, didn’t she owe it to him to move forward with her plan?

She cleared her throat, eyes flashing down to him once more. 

What she needed to do would require focus, and she also knew that would be extremely difficult if she proceeded like this.

After placing the candle down carefully, she dug into her bag, quickly finding the blanket she’d thrown in earlier before leaving. She whispered indescribable apologies as she flourished the blanket quickly, before letting it fall to the ground, peacefully draping over him. She was incredibly grateful that the ritual involved a “veil” of some sort, because she wasn’t sure how much longer she could look at him in that state.

She rose and took a few steps back, taking the candle with her. A little bit of distance would be safer. When she was comfortable with the amount of space between them, she lowered herself back to the ground. She set down the candle once more, and withdrew the vest and the journal from her bag.

With the vest serving as the grounding object in one hand, and the journal, opened to the exact page she’d discovered earlier in the day, serving as the tool with which she meant to accomplish her means in the other, she willed herself to calmness. Once she was a bit more relaxed, she lowered the headphones off her ears, letting them dangle freely around her neck.

The quietness of the Upside Down was eerie, but it did wonders to focus her attention even more to the task at hand.

When she was ready, she began reading the words on the page. Mental images of the one she longed to see once more filled her mind as she did so, hopefully giving the spell all the intentions it would need.

Once she had read through it once, her eyes lifted off the page, and darted over towards the blanketed figure a few yards away.

It remained still.

She tried again. Perhaps it was meant to be a mantra.

And again, nothing.

A third time.

Nothing.

The all too familiar feeling of anger flooded her once more. She rose from the ground, letting the journal and vest fall as she did so.

She rushed over to the blanketed figure, before grabbing a fistful of fabric and yanking it up unceremoniously.

He was gone.

Her face contorted in the perfect storm of confusion and fear.

“Sage?”

It was so soft, she’d barely heard it.

“Sweetheart, is that you?”

Chills crawled up her spine upon hearing that voice.

The voice that she never thought she’d get to hear again. 

She braced herself yet again, as she slowly turned around.

Upon their arrival, Steve, Robin and Dustin headed into the packed gymnasium. Each of them winced as they walked by the hundreds of people who were receiving much needed medical attention, and the rest of them, who were very obviously in distress after the alleged “earthquake”.

Maybe it was guilt, or just straight up compassion. But Robin had volunteered the three of them to help attend to the stations and patrons… Or were they inhabitants? Dustin wasn’t sure what to call them, but he wasn’t even sure he cared enough to figure it out.

He limped around, passing out cups of water to anyone who needed one. He looked at each person with a small smile, and even cracked a few jokes to the more approachable-looking ones. But his mind was still elsewhere.

He was struggling. The conversation in the car had only caused him to miss his new friend even more than he already had been. Everyone had said they were there for him, and that they were more than willing to lend an ear if he needed or wanted to talk about everything that had happened. But when it came down to it, when Dustin was actually looking to discuss it all, he was very quickly brushed off. 

Oh, how he wished he could talk to her. They could talk about Eddie - the real Eddie. Even if it was just to acknowledge his former existence. After all, they were probably the two people in the world who loved him the most.

Just as that thought crossed Dustin’s mind, he spotted the forgotten third person who never once left Eddie’s corner, and who never failed to take up his defense throughout everything.

Wayne Munson stood by the bulletin board, replacing defaced missing posters for both his nephew and his nephew’s girlfriend. Dustin could tell that this wasn’t a new experience for him. The way he quickly tore down the posters - each covered in cruel remarks and doodles - was an action marked by clear exhaustion and defeat.

“Mr. Munson?” Dustin didn’t hesitate to call out to him, even though he didn’t seem to want anything to do with him. “I’m Dustin Henderson. Can we talk?” 

He looked at the older man with hopeful eyes, but was immediately shot down.

“I can’t imagine we’ve got anything to talk about.”

He must not have recognized him. Although they’d never officially met before, Dustin had heard plenty about Mr. Munson. Especially over the past week. 

“My nephew is innocent. And so is the girl.” His loyalty was ever present in his tone and demeanor. Dustin merely nodded in response as the older man continued. “They’re still missing. I’ll put up as many posters as I need until they’re found. So, unless you’ve got anything to say that can help me with that, good day to you.” He quickly grabbed his things and began to walk away, but Dustin’s words stopped him dead in his tracks.

“I was with him,” he blurted out, voice already shaking. “I was with him when the earthquake hit.”

Wayne nodded gently, fearing the answer to the question he was about to ask. 

“And… where is Eddie now?”

Dustin shook slightly in place, and it was not due to his injured ankle. His lips started to quiver as he silently reached into his back pocket to reveal the guitar pick necklace that had always adorned his older friend’s neck. 

The look on Wayne’s face upon seeing it was one of immediate recognition.  

“I’m so sorry.” Dustin hobbled over to him, hand extended outward. 

Wayne took the pick into his own hand immediately. A devastated smile spread across his face as he ran his fingers over the smooth plastic, before going over to sit on a nearby cot. Dustin quickly joined him. 

“… And the girl?” Wayne’s voice perked up ever so slightly, and the smallest bit of hope was still audible in his words.

Dustin merely shook his head.

He didn’t know what was worse, the fact that he was informing the man beside him that he had lost everything, or that to some degree, he was lying. 

Steve and the others had come to yet another mutual agreement without Dustin’s input, that if anyone had asked, they were all to say that she had died alongside Eddie that night.

“This way, the heat will die down and we’ll be able to get her out of town without anyone looking for her. It’s the best thing for everyone.”

“I wish everyone had gotten to know him. Really know him. Because they would’ve loved him, Mr. Munson. Just like you, me, and Sage did.”

Wayne cried, silent tears running slowly down his tired face. The tears fell for both his honorary son and the girl who had come to be his honorary daughter. 

“They would’ve loved him. Even in the end… he never stopped being Eddie. Despite everything, I never even saw him get mad. That was always more her thing, though…” 

That caused Wayne to laugh, and Dustin laughed with him as he recalled all of the times she’d gotten so upset with Eddie for being his ridiculous, unserious, and wonderful self when they desperately needed to focus. 

“He could’ve run. He could’ve saved himself. But he fought. He fought and died to protect this town. This town that… hated them.”

Wayne sobbed, clutching the necklace tight. 

“He isn’t just innocent. Mr. Munson, he’s… he’s a hero. He was her hero.” 

After that, the two sat in silence for a while, remembering the person that they loved and cared so deeply for.

As he sat there with the last remaining Munson, Dustin was hit with an epiphany. He knew then that no matter what Steve, Robin, and Nancy said, he needed to be there for his friend. And as soon as he got a chance, he would contact her. 

She whimpered upon meeting his gaze. 

He stood there, covered in his own blood, eyes still clouded. 

But he was alive.

Without any hesitation, she rushed over and threw her arms around him. In that moment, she swore she’d never let him go again. 

He held her as she sobbed. “Baby, what’s going on?”

Her voice shook immensely as she attempted to speak. “You… you were… gone.” She gasped for air but ultimately just kept crying out. 

He shushed her, rubbing her back gently as he always did when she was upset. “I’m still here,” he whispered. He cupped her face in his hands and began to wipe her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “But I shouldn’t be.”

She looked at him, eyes once again full of confusion. 

“I was dead, Sage. And somehow, you brought me back. How did you do it? What did you do?”

His eyes glanced over to the journal on the ground next to them. He put the pieces together in his head. 

“You used dark magic, didn’t you?” 

His hold on her tightened, causing the flesh of her cheeks to sting even worse than they already had. 

“Eddie… you’re hurting me…”

In the five years they’d been romantically involved, he’d never been rough with her. But she’d never seen him like this before. He wasn’t even angry. He was scared.

“You swore to me that you’d never get into this kind of shit. Why would you do this?!”

He began to shake her on each word, seemingly in some kind of effort further emphasizing his point. She just let out a string of broken cries. “I couldn’t live without you.”

He scoffed slightly, narrowing his eyes at her. “Couldn’t? Or didn’t want to?”

She looked at him with pleading eyes, but he refused to meet her gaze. Despite his blunt disapproval of her actions, she just couldn’t understand why he was behaving this way. “Of course I don’t want to live without you. You’re everything to me, Eddie.” 

“Then why would you bring me back into a world that doesn’t want me?! I’m just gonna end up dead one way or another. Why couldn’t you just let me be at peace? Why did you have to be so selfish?!” 

His eyes snapped back up to meet hers, the look of disgust plastered upon his face. “It’s because you needed someone to take the blame for your crimes.”

“What-”

“You killed Chrissy, didn’t you?” 

His accusation stunned her to silence.

His once clouded irises were now completely white, while the rest of his eyes were bloodshot.

“It wasn’t Vecna. It was you. You were jealous of her. You thought I’d leave you, so you killed her. Just like you killed Fred for telling Nancy about your past, and Patrick for calling you a witch.”

His accusations shot out, one right after the other. Each of them stung as they pierced into her like bullets. 

He took the final shot, straight for the heart.

“You killed them all- just like you killed your brother.”

She stood there, paralyzed. Mouth hung open, she wracked her brain for any response that might get through to him. To prove him wrong. But she couldn’t find her voice. 

“They all said you were just as crazy as your aunt… Maybe I should’ve believed them.” 

Tears were streaming down her face as she shook violently, backing away from him as he got closer.

“You’re a monster, just like they said.”

His voice began to fade out, a much deeper and darker one taking its place.

“It should’ve been you that died!”

She stumbled back, losing her footing after backing into something that had been on the ground behind her. She yelped, looking down at the cushion-like item that had caused her fall.

It was Eddie’s corpse. 

It was still there, lying lifeless under the blanket. Her fall caused his left arm to peak out, showing off his pale hand adorned with all of his rings. She continued sobbing upon the sight.

None of it is real.

“Y/n…”

At first she had thought it was part of the hallucination, or maybe just the miscellaneous noises blurring together to create something that faintly resembled it. After all, she’d barely been called that name anymore. 

But then she heard it again, this time slightly louder than before. It continued to increase in volume as the source of the call approached her.

She shivered upon hearing her given name called out to her by the same evil voice that had mere moments before used Eddie -  her Eddie - as vessel to break her. 

“Y/n… It’s about time we’ve met…”

A dark, lanky, and disfigured creature could be spotted about a yard away from where she’d sat, curled into a fetal position in anguish, and now terror. 

“I’ve been looking forward to this moment for a very long time.”

She could only assume that the figure was Vecna himself. Even though she had no prior knowledge of his appearance, whatever was standing before her was more terrifying than anything she could’ve ever imagined. It had to be him.

“You’ve made it extremely difficult for us to communicate- always shutting me out the second I manage to get in. How is your mind so strong for someone so weak?” 

“Fuck you.”

Her words surprised her more than they did him. She was shocked that, given the current situation, she was able to talk back to someone who was easily considered the most dangerous monster of them all.

Damn it, Eddie. She’d spent so much time discussing everything with him in D&D terms, that she still found herself looking at everything through the lens of the game. 

But this wasn’t a game. And the odds of her making it out of this encounter alive - especially with her smart mouth - were slim to none. 

Since when do you care about the odds?

“What do you even want with me?! If I’m so weak, what use could I possibly be to you? You’ve already taken everything. Why don’t you just cut the shit and finish me off.” 

He narrowed his ice cold, animalistic eyes at her more out of intrigue than anger. 

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” He spoke as he slowly closed in on her. “You want your suffering to finally end.” 

She wanted so badly to look away from him, to deny his accusation. But she couldn’t. Everything he was saying was completely true. 

“You want to take the coward's way out, to join your little boyfriend in the afterlife. What makes you think you deserve to be at peace after everything you’ve done?”

You demented fuck.

He chuckled. 

… Did he hear that?

Shit.

“I’m not letting you go that easily. You’re different from the others. I have bigger plans for you.”

As confused as she was, she had a feeling he wouldn’t leave her in the lurch for long. Max and Nancy had both mentioned his tendency to throw himself into an evil monologue. And she couldn’t deny that she had been at least a bit curious.

“You are my perfect vessel. Your guilt is stronger than all of them combined. If I had been able to kill you before, I probably wouldn’t have needed the others. But you just wouldn’t let me in.” 

Suddenly, everything all made sense.

It all came back to her past. Everything always did. It was always her fault. There was always something she could’ve done. To save Eddie. To save her brother. But she’d always been the selfish one. The one who made it out alive while countless others didn’t. And she’d always been living with the constant reminders of those failures. 

The months since the previous summer had been different though. She had always assumed it was something to do with witchcraft, possibly something new blowing through. At one point, she simply brushed it off due to the fact that she had started using new birth control. But those theories seemed downright laughable now. How could she have been so blind? When Max and Nancy were recounting their experiences of being in Vecna’s trance, she never made the connection between what they’d felt and seen to what she had experienced herself.

The days spent reliving slightly distorted versions of each of her memories as if they were happening all over again. The nights waking in a cold sweat from the horrific nightmares she had endured on the regular. The nosebleeds and piercing headaches that she would get following each of them. 

It was him the entire time. 

It had always been him.

“You wouldn’t let me in… until now.”

It had to have been the spell. It was the only logical explanation she could think of. I always knew it was too dangerous. I should’ve fucking listened. 

“Your plan may not have succeeded in the way you had hoped, but I’m so glad you were naive enough to try.”

Her eyes clenched shut tightly, and her body seized up as an overwhelming sense of pain washed over her. It was suffocating. It was impossible to tell if it was mental, emotional, or physical- it was all just pain. And nothing but pain. It flooded her senses, rendering her unable to make sense of or focus on anything but his voice.

“So ashamed. You hide from everyone, but you can’t hide from me. I see you for everything you are.”

The wind was abruptly knocked out of her as she fell into the deep, dark oblivion of her mind. She reached, grasping at anything. But there was nothing. Nothing but cold, empty darkness. She kept falling, until suddenly everything stopped, and her body was completely still.

“Usually, I like to take my time. But we don’t have that. So, I’ll make an exception, just this once.”

His voice echoed throughout the deepest depths of her mind. 

… Is that where I am?

“I’m going to show you everything now. You’ll know more than anyone ever has. You’ll finally be able to see what we’ve been working towards.”

Before she had a chance to process what was being said to her, she was jolted awake. Every single memory of her past, mixed with memories that weren’t even her own, flashed before her eyes. She had no idea how she was able to see each and every one of them - to feel them. It was almost as if she was actually living them, right in the present. 

All she could feel was pain. The pain of losing her brother, her aunt. Her family turning against her. Steve turning against her. The blood, the screaming. Eddie’s screams. Electric shocks? The all consuming, paralyzing fear of his victims. Max’s fear and the feeling of the life leaving her body. The exhilarating power and satisfaction he’d felt after slaughtering each and every one of them. The taste of flesh and blood filling her mouth. Eddie’s blood. 

She couldn’t help it- a last-ditch desperate idea of getting help crossed her mind. If she’d been able to find her voice, she may have actually called out the words, though she knew her efforts would have been entirely futile.

Help. 

Anyone? 

Please.

“Your friends are not able to help you now,” Vecna said. It was more of a fact, a cold, hard-truth of a statement than any kind of argument .”Though, why you even refer to them as such is rather interesting.”

Her eyes were still shut tightly. She was unsure of whether she was even still standing. There was nothing indicative of her surroundings, except for his voice, which only grew louder with each passing second.

“What kind of friends could be so ignorant, so callous about the devastating loss you’ve experienced?”

In a cruel sense of irony, at the tiniest mention of the person in question, she could’ve sworn her mind cleared enough for the faintest trace of his smiling face to flash across it. The vision was fleeting though, and just as quickly as it had dissipated, the pain returned, and with a vengeance.

“What kind of friends won’t let you properly say goodbye to your dead?” he questioned. In a softer tone, he added, “They’ve claimed to have tucked you away under the guise of your safety. But you should ask yourself- was that the real purpose? … After all, if you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind.”

Pain. Nothing but awful, unbearable pain.

“Your friends don’t want you to grieve, and yet they don’t want to console you, either. They would have you live out the rest of your days on the run… Is that really the kind of life you want? To waste away in constant regret in shame, to live in the shadows of a world that considers you to be a monster? They’re scared of you, Y/N. You’ve always been too powerful for them. They tried to suppress your abilities, to guilt you into submission. And you’ve always let them. That’s why you’re the way you are now- that is what makes you weak.”

With every sentence, his voice grew louder. Each statement was punctuated with a sense of resolve, and a sense of righteousness.

“You are weak.”

She was physically unable to respond to his declaration. But even if she had been able to do so, she wasn’t sure she would have.

“But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore… What you’ve done has bound us. I could force you to bend to my will. You’d crumble so very easily... But, aside from the weakness, I sense something else in you… you’re tired. Stop fighting. Choose to no longer be weak. Stop fighting, Y/N. Join me.”

At once, her eyes shot open. She physically felt as though she’d finally awoken from the nightmare that was his trance, like Max had. But when she looked around, she noticed that she was no longer in the trailer park. 

Everything was red and covered in what she could only assume was blood. Each of her surroundings had looked like they had been chewed up and spit out. Destroyed remnants of what appeared as the Creel house were directly in front of her. Her legs began moving, as if she were a puppet on a string. She turned the handle of the door and entered, paying no mind to the corpses of his victims that lined the walls. 

There he stood, in the center of the house. In front of him was a closed casket. It looked like it was made of some of the rubble, with vines wrapped around it, keeping it in place. But her focus was deterred upon the sight of the bat wings that adorned the top.

“I’ve always had plans for you… For both of you. Now, all you need to do is choose.”

Dustin slipped out of the cafeteria easily.

He made his way down the various hallways with just as much ease, despite his ankle protesting with every single step. Thankfully, there was enough activity going on throughout Hawkins’ High that those who pass him in the bright-white lit hallways barely spare him a second glance.

He reached his destination sooner than he expected, and when he tried the handle, he was overcome with a sense of relief that it had been unlocked. Dustin slipped inside the room quickly, and closed the door behind him.

His eyes scanned the room, assessing the damage.

It was more of a closet, really. The Hawkins’ High School AV Club was given just about as much respect as the middle school’s club.

The room looked like it had been ransacked; apparently, someone had thought to secure all potential modes of communication in advance, should something more traumatic happen to Hawkins in the meantime and render phone lines useless.

The Heathkit Ham Shack radio, which was identical to the one Mr. Clarke had dedicatedly worked to obtain for Hawkins’ Middle School AV Club just a few years prior, was nowhere to be found. Other miscellaneous devices were missing as well - the tall shelves bordering the walls of the small room looked particularly empty.

Dustin could only hope no one had thought to snag the particular device he was searching for.

He hobbled over to the shelf along the back wall, searching his mind for reference on where he had last seen the devices in question. There were only a few boxes to search.

On the final box he opened, a victorious smile broke out across his face.

He lifted up the device, and inspected it briefly before switching it on. The static that resounded was music to his ears. He quickly changed the frequency to the number he knew by heart.

“Sage, this is Dustin. Do you copy? Over.”

The seconds felt like minutes as they ticked away. Maybe she hadn’t heard?

“Sage, I repeat, this is Dustin. Do you copy? Over.”

Dustin waited for a response with bated breath, but was given no reprieve.

“Y/N?” he tried then, the name sounding a bit foreign on his tongue, due to his preference of using the girl’s nickname. “Do you copy?”

All Dustin was met with was more silence.

If she had been anywhere near the walkie talkie, which he had instructed her very specifically to keep by her side at all times, for safety of course, she should have heard him by then. Which made him wonder- where was she?

If she wasn’t in her great aunt’s house anymore, what happened? Had she’d been discovered?

Had she left voluntarily?

She wouldn’t… would she?

Regardless of what the answer was, something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Steve watched Robin and Vicki with a smile as he continued to fold and sort the ever-growing piles of donated clothes.

He continued to glance over at them curiously until Dustin emerged in his line of sight, taking him aback. “Oh, hey.” Upon seeing his young friend’s stressed out look all over his face, Steve felt his smile fall. “What’s going on?”

“I think something’s wrong with Sage,” Dustin answered urgently.

Steve sighed tiredly. “Listen, Dustin, we’ve already been over this. She’s fine-”

“No,” Dustin interrupted, with a bit more force than Steve was used to seeing from him. “You don’t understand-”

“Hey, something’s going on outside!”

A loud shout ringing throughout the gymnasium broke through theirs and countless other ongoing conversations. Steve and Dustin turned their head towards the source of the sound, but by that point, a decent number of people had already made their way over towards the exit, evidently wanting to see whatever was going on for themselves.

Dustin didn’t spare him another glance as he moved to follow them.

“Dustin, wait!” Steve called, reaching towards him, but he was immediately cut off from further pursuing him by the long table he was standing behind. By the time he made his way around said table, Dustin was gone, lost in the growing crowd of people corralling themselves out of the building.

Steve was about to abandon his volunteer post to follow the crowd anyways, knowing Dustin couldn’t have been too hard to catch up with, given the rate of speed he was limited to at the moment. But something outside the window caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. With a sense of shock and dread, he approached the large panes of glass slowly.

Dustin stopped just outside of the gymnasium doors. Like the others surrounding him, his attention was immediately pulled upwards.

Snow-like particles fell from above, coating everything below in a light layer. However, once a few of the particles landed softly upon Dustin’s face, he realized with slight disdain that the small specs were not cold to the touch.

It wasn’t snow, he realized with horror. It was ash.

Worried chatter of those around him filled his ears, though their words were undetectable to him.

His head swiveled around, taking in the entire periphery of the visible skyline.

5, 6, 7- perhaps more- large black plumes of smoke billowed from the ground up to the sky. There wasn’t a direction around them that was clear. It was as though the entire town was surrounded- or rather, right in the thick of it.

Flashes of red flickered across the sky in the form of lightning. The lightning looked eerily similar, but it couldn’t be.

Could it?

Thunder never came. Instead, what followed the red streaks of harsh light was a low, rumbling sound.

It was the soundtrack of something ominous. And it wasn’t something coming. Whatever it was, it was already here.

Will hissed as a sharp pain pricked at the back of his neck.

Look up.

Much to his dismay, he did as he was compelled to, turning around and tilting his chin upwards. It looked like a storm rolling in. The happy chatter behind him ceased as the others evidently noticed the sudden weather change as well.

But the clouds were moving quickly, and after what felt like a mere minute, the sky had gone dark. And what fell from the clouds was not rain- but ash.

Hopper and El led the trek through the woods to the clearing that overlooked Hawkins. What was already a short walk felt even shorter with each step. But the closer they got, the heavier, more suffocated Will began to feel.

When the trees gave way to the open skies, and wildflowers and weeds replaced the dead leaves that littered the ground beneath their feet, an awful sight was revealed to them.

Before Will could even begin to process the terrible sight before him, the sharp pain at the back of his neck returned, as did a dull ringing throughout his ears.

We’ve only just begun.

He swallowed hard due to the paralyzing feeling of dread overcoming his senses. 

“No... No!” He whispered to himself more than anyone else. 

Mike, observant as ever, seemed to hear him though. “What’s happening? Is he talking to you?”

Will shook his head gently. “No, not to me. To someone else.”

Mike looked at him with more concern than he had in the entire week they’d just spent together. “What did he say?” 

After checking to make sure the others weren’t paying any attention to them, he met his gaze. Eyes wide and tears beginning to flow, he worked up the courage to speak.

“You’ve chosen wisely.” 

The other boy stared at him in confusion.

“Mike… He’s not alone anymore.”

A/N: Thank you so much for reading!🖤

TAGLIST: @insertsupercoolusernamehere​

[beels-burger-babe]

A Pain You'll Soon Regret - Pt. 1

***This...This is glorious. Oh ho, I will most definitely give you this fic @millenniumofpain! I will do so gladly! Thanks for sending in this great request!***

Poly!MC Summary: MC and the demon lords get in a fight resulting in MC leaving. They planned on going to Purgatory Hall until things cool off, but they never quite make it there. TW: Heavy Angst, Violence, I don't know what to tag this, but there is a pretty nasty verbal fight, Gore/Injury Part Two: HERE, Part Three: HERE, Part Four: HERE

You growled to yourself, angrily wiping tears from your face, as you marched away from the House of Lamentation, away from your partners.

Well, you said marching. It was more of a stumble what with the way your intoxicated brain could barely walk forward. You wished you could say you didn't know how things got like this, but the evidence had been there all along. It was in the slow build of tensions that increased and increased until they overflowed. It was in the way everyone would bite their tongues more and more frequently rather than communicating their thoughts.

Everyone had little things about the relationship between the eight of you that bothered them, and no one said a word until the words could no longer be held back.

It all started after you came back from clubbing way past curfew with Asmodeus.

The two of you were definitely drunk and were giggling messes as you did your best to hold the other up.

You both jumped when the hallway light turned on to reveal Lucifer and the others waiting there for you.

You bit back a sob as you thought of the vicious words that came out of their mouths.

"You're so reckless! Do you know what could've happened to a human like you this late at night in this state?! For Diavolo's sake MC, I expected this behaviour from Asmodeus, but I expected more from you!" Lucifer shouted Asmodeus groaned and leaned against you. "We were just having some fun. It's my date night. Don't get your wings in a twist." Beelzebub glared at him. "Just because it's your date night with MC doesn't excuse you putting them in danger. You couldn't even defend yourself right now, forget about defending them!" You frowned and stepped forward. "Guys relax. Nothing happened." Mammon scoffed, "That's always how it is with you! You think that just because nothin' has happened to ya that it's fine. You ain't invincible MC. Gah, it's like you're just throwin' ya self into dangerous situations just to get us to come to save ya again!" Satan raised an eyebrow at Mammon's comments and crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe that's what they want. Attention. Is that the real reason why you keep being so reckless?" he tsks and scowls at you, "If you wanted attention MC you could've asked one of your seven boyfriends." You looked at them all with wide eyes. "Wha- I do NOT do all of this for attention!" Levi snarled, "Then why do you do it? Huh? Why else would you get drunk in one of the most notorious clubs in the Devildom? Why else would you date all seven of the Lords of the Devildom?" You stepped back as though you had been slapped by Levi's words. You glanced around at the others, but no one rose to your defence. You met Belphie's gaze hoping, that maybe as the only one to have not spoken up, that he'd be on your side. He just snickered and gave you a perplexed look. "What? Don't expect me to step in. You got yourself in this mess." You stood shocked and hurt; almost unwilling to believe that your partners, the people who you thought loved you unconditionally, verbally attacked you. Anger bubbled and boiled inside of you until you couldn't contain it anymore. "If you guys have such a problem with it, then maybe I won't depend on you anymore! I'm reckless, yeah, I admit, but I never did it for attention and I certainly never put myself in danger just so you all could play the hero," you turned your anger to Leviathan, "And in case you forgot, you all agreed to date me! I thought it was because you all loved me as much as I loved you but apparently fucking not! So if you don't mind, I'm going to leave now like the attention-driven child that you all think I am!"

Not your classiest moment, but you didn't care. It was clear you weren't wanted at the time, and you were too tired to handle the brutal words that they were throwing at you. So you left. Which brought you here, stumbling your way towards Purgatory Hall, drunk, and sobbing as you shivered from the cold Devildom air. You could just see the shape of the Hall ahead of you when you suddenly tripped and found yourself tumbling to the ground. You winced as you felt your knees and hands scrape against the ground. You groaned and turned yourself over to inspect the injuries. "Just when the night couldn't get any worse," "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" You stiffened as three demons came out of the woods around you and began circling you like vultures about to swoop in on their prey. The tallest one snickered. "Looks like the Lords' little pet strayed too far from its masters. Lucky us~"

A shorter, rounder one smiled sharply as drool trickled from its mouth. "Their loss, our gain," it leaned forward and inhaled deeply before sighing in pleasure. "Oh, get a whiff of that fear~ Just, delicious! Do you think it's true when they say that human tears really do add seasoning to its meat?" You tried to scramble away from it, as your heart pounded in your chest, but yelped as your back bumped against a curvier one. Its long nails dug into your shoulders as it secured its hands near your neck. "Only one way to find out." You were in trouble. These demons clearly had no intention of letting you go. You needed to get out of there before it was too late. You jammed the heel of your palms against the back of the wrists of the demon that holding you down, while you leaned backwards away from it. You were able to get just enough slack to roll away from the demon before jumping back to your feet. You were still surrounded, but at least now you weren't defenceless on the ground. Progress.

You did your best snarl, one that you and Mammon had jokingly practiced together one day, and glared fiercely at them. "Do you have any idea who you're messing with? I could have you all killed with just a snap of my fingers. You have one chance to run away, or I promise you that no one will ever be able to find your sorry corpses."

The tall one laughed and smirked at you. "And what exactly are you going to do? Scratch us with your blunt little nails? Bite us with your flat teeth?" The round one perked and began to hop excitedly. "Oh! Oh! Maybe they'll summon the lords to do it for them! Such a pathetic thing doesn't stand a chance on its own."

The curvy one wore a sickening grin as it leaned down mockingly at you. "So, you gonna call your guard dogs or what?"

You froze. You couldn't summon the brothers. Technically, you could, but not at this moment. Not after that fight. They had basically screamed at you about how they were tired of you getting yourself into situations exactly like this and then come crying to them for help. And what did you do? Take off and prove them right. They didn't want to be your heroes. They didn't want you.

You were on your own in this, and there was no way you could fight and win. Without a second thought, you turned towards Purgatory Hall and ran. The laughter of the demons rang behind menacingly. You barely got five steps away before a set of claws slashed deep into your ankle. You screamed out as you collapsed roughly to the ground, making your forehead against the dirt road.

You twisted onto your side to see the round demon drooling over your heavily bleeding leg with a nearly psychotic expression. "I love it when they try to run." That was the only warning you got before it sunk its razor-sharp teeth into your calf. You wailed loudly in pain as you used your other foot to try and kick the demon off of you, but it wasn't so willing to let go of its meal. The tall one grabbed your arm, bending you foreword as it roughly folded it behind your back. You cried out as you felt your shoulder pop out of its socket and nausea swirl in your stomach. "Not so tough now, are you?" It purred in your ear as it licked the tears off of your cheeks. You choked on your sobs as it roughly bit into the flesh on your collar, and weakly struggled in its grasp. "Let go of me! H-Help! Somebody! Help me!"

The curvy one finally approached you, burying its fingers into your hair before harshly yanking your head towards it. You screamed before it slapped its clawed hand across your face. Bile threatened to rise out of your throat as you felt your own blood drip down your cheek.

Spots began to blur your vision as the demon leered down at you with its menacing eyes. You felt your stomach drop as a realization hit you. This was how you would die.

You whimpered as you thought of the brothers, and how you never got to even kiss them or tell them goodbye one final time. Hell, you didn't even get to see them smile at you. Instead, you were reminded that you could never be what they needed you to be.

You would die scared, in pain, and unloved.

The curvy demon laughed as it wrapped its hands around your throat. You struggled to breathe and whined as, for just a moment, you saw Belphegore choking you to death once more, and not this monster. You morbidly thought that it was only fitting for you to be killed the same way twice. The demon leaned closer to you, demanding that you meet its un-naturally yellow eyes as it smiled. "You realize it now don't you? That this is your death bed? That no one is coming for the pathetic little human. I bet no one would even-" Before it could finish its sentence a blindingly bright beam burst across the side of its face sending it flying across the ground. You could hear the other demon curse and began to take off as two voices shouted and more bright flashes were sent in their direction. As your vision began to fade, you saw tear-filled, innocent blue eyes look down at you and a small mouth framed by chubby cheeks try to speak. But it was too late. With a final whine, you felt your eyes roll to the back of your skull and your mind plummet into darkness. ***This request is just evil and I love it. There will be a part two. So stay tuned for more pain. Hope you enjoyed it @millenniumofpain! Thank you for allowing me to write this!!***

[opalesense]

darkest fantasy

childe & f!reader (NSFW)

3.7k words • ~30 min. read

summary: one night you decide to make one of childe’s darkest fantasies into a reality, but as the night progresses, things don’t seem to go according to plan. at least... not according to your plan.

warnings: cnc, sexual assault, blood, death, knives, outdoor sex, lil comfort at the end i promise

notes: saw fatui agent childe fanart and AWOOGA... anyway i tried putting some in game screenshots in this for that extra ~immersion~ and might do that more often in some future fics if you guys want! thanks for 200 followers and i hope you enjoy!! ; ^ ;

“I SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT IT UP,” Childe’s eyebrows furrowed as he rested a hand against his forehead, clearly flustered by the way he chuckled his nervousness away. “You really get me to say the stupidest things, [Y/N].”

 “It’s not stupid at all! C’mon, lighten up a bit!” you placed a hand on his arm and inched closer to his face, sensing the warmth in his cheeks. His shy eyes connected with yours when he let out a deep sigh, thanking you for the validation without him needing to say anything. It was rare to see him this nervous.

 “We’re not going to do it, babe. You asked me to tell you a secret fantasy and that’s all it’ll ever be. A fantasy. Just something in my imagination.”

 He gave you a quick kiss on your forehead before pulling away from you and walking towards the bedroom door to call it a night, but you quickly gripped him by the wrist to pull him back which immediately grabbed his attention. Swiftly, you leaned in to mutter words into his ear that would echo in his head for the rest of the night until the next day.

 “Luckily for you, the thought of doing it gets me a little excited. So why don’t we try to make your fantasy into a reality?”

THE HARBOR’S NIGHT LIFE always flourished near the end of the week. Plenty of workers who had weekends off would fish by the docks, street performers and storytellers would entertain families passing by, and restaurants would be packed full with hungry customers craving for the delectable cuisine of Liyue. Teenage friends gathered in front of the theatre while the elderly seemed to congregate by the teahouse. Children ran across the pavement from time to time flying kites and playing with butterflies. Liyue was truly fascinating during the night, full of a liveliness that always put a sense of joy in each heart that walked through its streets.

 Yet when you walked through the streets, lacking a companion and cold from the slightly revealing dress you wore, there was a sickly mixture of giddy excitement and wrenching anxiety in your heart. You had loosely planned this night with Childe so you knew what to expect, but at the same time, you didn’t. You had no idea where he was, what exactly he was planning to do to you, or when it would all start in the first place since you had been wandering around the harbor for about an hour now. All he wanted you to do was “wear this dress and enjoy your evening,” as he said in his own words. But he simply left you with those vague instructions as well as a bag of Mora to indulge yourself with.

 Even if he didn’t show up, the highlight of your night would be the mouthwatering dinner you had by yourself along with the sight of people offering lanterns to the sky. It was a beautiful night indeed.

 Another hour of wandering and occupying yourself with activities passed and you were feeling restless. The thought of Childe made you squirm in your seat, excitement flooding your nerves as you craved to see him now more than ever.

 If Childe’s following me, I should go somewhere less crowded, you thought.

 Assuming he was watching you at this very moment, you decided to make things easier for him, leaving the storyteller’s pavilion and walking across the bridge heading towards Mt. Tianheng. Mindlessly wandering and following the dirt path, you began to veer left towards the Golden House, but the distant sight of the Millelith immediately turned you back around.

 Not there.

ON YOUR WAY BACK to the main path, you noticed a smaller, less travelled road wedged between two large rocks, the dimly lit lantern sitting up ahead enticing you to follow where it leads. You found yourself curiously walking up the hill, taking in the starry night sky and whistling trees until you turned the final corner to see a group of miners idly standing around, bantering with one nearby Millelith guard.

 They noticed your sudden presence and waved hello, to which you waved hello back. One of the miners, who leaned against a cart full of iron, was the first to fully acknowledge you. “Hey, are you lost, miss?”

 “Oh, no, not at all. I was just curiously wandering around, taking in the sights and all,” you grinned politely, glancing up at the calm night sky. “It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it boys?”

 “Taking in the sights, are you?” another miner slowly approached you, a few more starting to pay attention to you. “You know, you’re certainly a sight to take in too with that pretty little dress of yours.”

 You had completely forgotten that you looked very out of place with what you were wearing – a short traditional-like dress with a small hole exposing a small area of your chest. Your eyes quickly widened as you processed what the miner said, but before you fully realized it and came back to your senses, the men had circled around you and were getting dangerously close. You instinctively reached down to grab the blade that was usually tucked and sheathed in your belt but after grabbing nothing with the realization that of course, you were wearing a dress, genuine panic began to seep in.

 “What’s a pretty girl like you doing out late at night looking like that anyway? You’re practically begging to be touched,” a man’s voice behind you teased, grabbing your hips as he emphasized that last word. You swiftly elbowed him in the ribs to defend yourself and temporarily push him away, but the other men were quick to react as a pair of hands grabbed your arms and pinned you into place.

 You snapped your head towards the Millelith guard, expecting him to do something to help you as a protector of the harbor. But he simply stood there at his post, glancing away as soon as you met his eyes. And if Childe were watching, you were sure he would have stepped in by now. He was often the jealous type anyway. But while the men slowly pulled you under a nearby deteriorated pergola despite your thrashing then greedily groped your body, help was nowhere to be seen.

 All hope you had for a fun night was gone. Tears swelled in your eyes as you attempted to kick away the hungry hands but it was no use. Please, you silently prayed, someone help me!

 As if someone had heard your prayers, the sound of a projectile zipping past your head followed by your arms being freed from the man who was restricting you was the sound of freedom. The others looked up in horror and paused their advances as their friend dropped injured behind you. Suddenly, a dark figure leaped from the hill above and landed on the ground confidently, quickly pulling out two blades then lunging forward to the miners, catching them by surprise. You took this temporary moment of freedom to kick the hands off of you and scramble away, running back towards the path. You could hear the sounds of bodies thumping to the ground behind you coupled with loud groans of agony, and you can only imagine what your unknown savior looked like but all you could focus on was getting away as soon as possible with the limited mental strength you had.

 But much to your dismay, one of the miners still managed to grab you tightly and drag you back, and every time you wiggled away, they had a strong grip on you. Sobs of desperation escaped your throat, “Let me go! Let me go, please! Help!”

 “Leaving so soon?” a different voice growled in your ear as the man’s grip around your waist tightened. It was deep, distorted, and certainly anxiety inducing. You looked down in a flurry of panic to see black and red sleeves wrapped around your figure. This was not one of the miners.

 The man lifted you up a few inches from the ground to turn you around. You were faced with bodies littering the floor. It had only been less than ten seconds and the entire scene was drenched in blood. The sight of the freshly killed miners as well as the one guard made you tremble in fear rather than feel grateful for being saved just now.

 “I think I deserve a reward for protecting you from those filthy bastards, wouldn’t you agree?” the man inched you closer to the bodies but you closed your eyes as soon as you could recognize the open wounds from his blades. “At least a thank you would be nice.”

 “Get away from me!” you yelled and thrashed in his arms again but quickly stopped once you heard the sound of his blade being unsheathed. You opened your eyes to see a bloodied dead man at your feet as well as a knife at your throat, pressing gently at your fragile skin.

 “You’re a tough one, aren’t you? I wouldn’t be so resistant if I were you,” the man’s gravelly voice was definitely unfamiliar but his tone and inflection reminded you of...

 “Childe....” you weakly muttered under your breath, which made the man laugh in response.

 “Childe, you say? You have something to do with the boss?” he pressed his hips harder against yours, his erection subtly throbbing underneath his clothes.

 “So you’re Fatui, aren’t you?” you mustered enough courage to make your voice sound threatening enough. You let out a sarcastic laugh despite your low confidence. “You have no idea who you’re messing with. Once Childe finds out about this, your life will be over within seconds.”

 “Who are you to say something like that?” he slowly began walking the two of you over to the nearest wall, a large rock that cast an equally large shadow from the moonlight. “I’m surprised a dumb little slut like you would even know his name.”

 Your eyes squinted at the insult. “You don’t need to know who I am. All you have to know is you’ll be dead by tomorrow morning.”

 “We’ll see about that,” he suddenly used his free arm to turn you around so your back slammed against the cold rock. You finally looked up at your captor to confirm your suspicions of this predatory savior. He was certainly part of the Fatui, his red and black mask concealing his identity with yellow glowing eyes staring directly at you. His arm positioned itself directly next to your head so he could hold his blade against your neck again, threatening any potential thoughts of escaping. His other hand suddenly grabbed the open space in your dress and pulled down, ripping the fabric in half and exposing your half naked form, eliciting a loud gasp from you. Panic began to seep in. How could I walk back home practically naked? Would I even end up alive to come back home?

 Before you could use your arms to cover yourself up in an attempt at modesty, he pressed the blade to your neck that even the slightest movement would ensure spilled blood. “Don’t even think about it.”

 He looked up and down at your body, humming with satisfaction as he began to unzip his pants and free his cock. You couldn’t exactly take a good look at it with the knife restricting your range of motion, but even then, you weren’t sure you wanted to look. His free hand gripped your bare waist. “And to think that those other filthy men were about to get their hands on this... You really should thank me.”

 Another gasp escaped your throat as he slowly dug his hand under the strap of your underwear. His leather gloves snaked their way further down, inching closer and closer to your core. You could feel his grip on his blade tighten with his tensed muscles. “That was a command. Thank me.”

 “T-Thank you,” you whimpered as he pulled down the last bit of clothing you hid behind. He let out a satisfied groan at the sight of your aching cunt, which you hated to admit was dripping wet from thinking about Childe earlier in the night. Even now, you really hated to admit this situation was somehow turning you on, even though you were simultaneously disgusted and shaking in fear.

 “You’re practically soaking for me, aren’t you?” the man let out a slow chuckle as he dipped a gloved finger into your hole without warning. You gasped at the sudden penetration, careful not to arch your back into his touch with the knife still pressed at your throat. The man began relentlessly shifting his finger in and out of you and watched your face squirm with pleasure and denial at the same time. He maniacally chuckled at the way you were completely unsure of how to feel, and wanting to hear you moan louder instead of quietly pant and sigh, he inserted another finger and picked up the pace.

 “Your cunt is so tight, you know that?” he teased, “If you’re moaning like this now I can only imagine how my cock will make you feel.”

 “N-No, please,” you moaned out helplessly, “Please don’t...”

 He pulled his fingers away and quickly shoved them into your mouth while it was still open, freeing your throat from his knife and slowly trailing it down your body while he made you suck on his gloved fingers, wet from your own fluids. The cold metal found itself settling right above your hips and with no hesitation he began leaving flesh wounds, the leftover blood from the men easily being mistaken as yours at first glance.

 “I’m going to put away the knife, but you’ll be a good girl for me and stay still, won’t you? You saw what I did to those men. It would be a shame if you met the same fate just because you wanted to escape,” he sheathed the blade and pulled his fingers out of your mouth to grab your waist, forcing you to turn around. He bent down slightly to get a hold of your thighs, and in one swift move, folded your body into the likings of a full nelson, your legs hanging onto his elbows with his chest pressed against your tense back. As he reached his hands to clasp behind your neck and push your body into the intense position, the connection between this man and Childe made your eyes light up.

 This was one of his favorite positions. No way it was just coincidence.

 “So it is you, Childe,” you happily grinned as he turned the both of you to face the bloodied mess from before so he could lean against the wall. His touches seemed to get more familiar as the realization sunk in, but at the same time, you wondered if your mind was just playing tricks on you to make the best out of the current situation. You sat on the fence of either blindly believing this mysterious man was Childe or giving into the reality that this really was a stranger.

 “You’re delusional, slut. Childe has nothing to do with this, I don’t know why you keep mentioning his name,” he hissed in your ear, getting more and more irritated.

 You finally glanced down for the first time since nothing could restrict your neck anymore. To your delight, you smiled at his throbbing cock twitching as it waited at your entrance, aching to stir your insides. You giggled sweetly, finally relaxing with a deep sigh. You now knew with certainty that you were safe. Everything was under control. His control.

 “Childe, I recognize every inch of your cock like it’s second nature,” you stared at his familiar length then reached out to wrap your fingers around the tip, the muscle twitching in response. “You’ve never been this hard before... You must be so excited right now.”

 “One more word out of you about Childe and I will kill you right here. Do not test me.”

 “You wouldn’t, right? You love me too much,” you boldly declared, teasing him for staying in character. When he didn’t answer and instead shifted his cock to push his tip inside you, you let out a sharp exhale. He went in too fast, too rough. Even if you were dripping wet, the way he shoved himself inside you was merciless and tore you apart immediately.

 You tried to find the pleasure in it but as soon as he started thrusting not even a few seconds later, you worriedly whispered, “S-Slow down... Please! It hurts, Ajax-“

 “You’re going to take all of it in. Maybe that’ll teach you not to be an annoying, disobedient brat from now on,” he interrupted.

 Destroying you was an understatement of what he was truly doing to your body. He would repeatedly pull his length out before shoving it back in, rolling his hips so naturally with each thrust having clear intention to break you apart. Your cunt visibly throbbed, the excruciating pain slowly turning into ethereal pleasure from the attention it was getting from his thick shaft. He closely listened to the way your cries turns into gleeful moans, excitedly fucking you as his mind further indulged in the fantasy. After all, this entire night had been exceedingly frustrating and enticing to him and to take out all his pent up energy on you was the only thing on his lust filled mind.

 Soon enough, his thrusts began to roll in harder as he held onto you tightly, his moans becoming more intense as the only thing on his mind was how good he was feeling, fucking you in front of the kills he certainly prided himself on. Similarly, you felt your insides burn at the feeling of being manhandled and treated like a toy, or the way he began moaning your name in a low whisper as you felt his cock twitching inside you, aching for release – the first time he had ever acknowledged your name tonight.

 “[Y/N], baby – fuck!” his distorted voice cried out, “I’m... I’m gonna...!”

  “Me too...!” you felt your legs shake violently as you neared your climax, “A-Ajax!”

 He let out one final thrust, burying himself inside of you until his length plugged up your sore hole and dumped his seed deep inside you. His load came in pulses, slowly coating your insides with moans of ecstasy ringing in your ear as he rested his chin on your shoulder. Your cunt quivered as you reached your release as well, your fluids swirling with his to make one happy mix of satisfaction.

 The both of you stayed in this position, panting and trying to calm down from your highs. Childe let go of his hands behind your neck and positioned them to hold your knees without pulling out of you, allowing you to freely move your head again. Though, you didn’t want to take your eyes off of his cock buried inside of you, opting to keep your head hanging down to actively avoid looking at the bodies in front of you. Childe must have noticed this, and of course, he had to say something about it.

 “Sorry about... them. I hate... really hate when people try to mess with what’s mine,” he took a deep sigh as he slowly pulled out of you, watching his cum ooze out from your cunt to drip down to the space between his shoes. The sight could have been enough for him to push for another round, but he figured now wasn’t the time. He had the urge to explain himself.

 “I was just so mad and... though I have to admit, seeing their blood on my blade got me so excited... wait, I think I might’ve gotten a little too excited,” something seemed to have clicked in his mind when he said that, “Baby, I’m so sorry! We shouldn’t have done this, I did so many things to you, I’m so sorr-“

 “It’s okay, Childe,” you slowly turned your head to his so your faces were only an inch apart, his mask being the sole barrier that stopped you from kissing him to shut him up. “I had so much fun. Did you?”

 “Of course I did,” he slowly placed you down to stand on your feet again, which was admittedly tough since he had fucked the life out of you. He briefly held your waist to stabilize you as you wobbled back and forth, his cum now dripping down your thighs. He then lifted his hood up to reveal his fluffy red hair and took off his mask, throwing it to the ground to meet you with teary eyes.  His voice was no longer distorted by that cursed mask, and a look of genuine concern sat in his deep eyes.  “I-I’m so sorry for scaring you, [Y/N]. I could see it in your eyes the entire time and I hate to admit that it turned me on and now I feel so bad–“

  You swiftly pressed your lips to his, finally shutting him up from his rambling. He responded by eagerly returning the kiss, cupping your face in his hands and closing his eyes. For a moment, his troubles melted away once he realized you weren’t upset with him, and millions of thoughts about how much he loved you raced through his mind. But It wasn’t long before he broke the exchange, taking off his hooded garments to drape it over your cold, naked body. It was apparent he put thought into this moment, already wearing his normal clothes underneath the Fatui uniform as if he had planned to cover you up from the start. He made sure to pin it closed and fasten it tightly, ensuring that every exposed part of you was warm and covered. Once he was done, he pulled you in for a hug, holding you tightly as he stared at the bodies behind you, sighing contently.

 “I love you, [Y/N]. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and letting me have tonight. We really don’t have to do this ever again if you don’t want to.”

 “I love you too,” you smiled sweetly. “Just... next time, please don’t keep me waiting so long. The uncertainty was thrilling but I was sure I was going to die back there.”

 “I’ll keep that in mind next time. I just got caught up with the Millelith because I’m dressed like an agent, then I lost sight of you and... wait,” he pressed his forehead against yours and gently, yet eagerly whispered with a grin, “so there’s really going to be a next time?”

[universitypenguin]

Bucky Barnes is a Traditional Man

- Bucky Barnes is a traditional man in the sense that his woman comes first.

- You have more doors held open for you than you could have imagined before you began dating Bucky.

- Door to buildings, your car door (always!), he even moves one step ahead of you when you walk down the stairs in heels so he could break your fall, just in case.

- James Buchanan Barnes is quite protective of his girlfriend.

- He’s in love with you and it finally allows some of the deeper wounds from Hydra, from the war, and losing Steve to heal.

- His heart was cold and aching before he met you. Now it’s warm and soft.

- Your perspective on the world is something that attracted him to you in the first place. You’re an optimist in a jaded world and vibrant with life in a way he’s not sure he’s even capable of.

- But somehow, being with you helps bridge the gap. He can look in the mirror and not see the Winter Soldier looking back at him. Instead he sees the man from the 1940s who loved to dance and who hoped to win a boxing title.

- You gave him that man back with your care and affection, even before the two of you fell in love. And he feels such a gratitude for that his heart throbs and his eyes glass over when he thinks about it for too long.

- Bucky is a man in love and you’re happier with him than you ever thought was possible to be. Things are so good between you two; easy, light, and sweet.

- Then one night at dinner Bucky forgets his phone. He asks to borrow your to check the score of a baseball game.

- And he accidentally finds an open porn tab. Curious, he turns the screen so no one else can see and watches. His stomach twists. The appetizer from earlier suddenly isn’t sitting so well.

- Choking.

- You watch porn with men choking their women.

- He’s not judging. He’s really not. But he’d been hoping for something he could replicate for you, and this? He can’t. Not in a million years.

- He’s afraid of hurting you.

- He doesn’t say it out loud because it feels like speaking one of his worst fears into existence. He doesn’t want even the words to pass his lips and take root in your imagination.

- You can’t see him like that. Like a monster. Too many others have and there’s enough truth behind the title for him to sleep well at night, despite all his progress. But most of the time, he sleeps well. It’s because of you and he knows it. Your comforting presence allows him to relax.

- He sleeps in bed with you nowadays. He likes how firm your mattress is.

- He struggles through dinner, the video playing through the back of his mind. When you ask him what the score of the game was he can’t figure out what you’re talking about. It’s an awkward moment.

- The thing here, is that Bucky Barnes is a traditional man. His woman comes first. So he’s going to do whatever it takes to please you and he knows it.

- You always come first. Both in the bedroom and out of it. That’s one of his rules. So he’s already forming ideas about how he’s going to accommodate your kink.

- Two weeks later is your anniversary. He gets flowers, takes you to a nice restaurant and when you get home, brings up the thing.

- “I found your porn open when I borrowed your phone. I’m guessing that you like choking, doll?”

- Your cheeks turn bright red. And you stammer.

- “Hey. Don’t be embarrassed. I want to know this stuff. I need to. How can I please you if we don’t talk about it?”

- “Bucky, you don’t have to... I would never ask you...”

- He smiles. He loves that you’re protective of him in your own way. Knowing this has done a lot for his mental well-being. It makes the relationship between you two solid and strong.

- “I want to give you everything you want in bed,” Bucky says.

- “But you already do!”

- That’s true. Too many of your ex-boyfriends were quick and rough without taking the time for foreplay.

- Bucky is an expert at foreplay. He’s able to build the tension until you fall apart for him is an addiction that he feeds as often as he can. Knowing he provides for your needs like no other man before him is a point of pride for him. (Private pride, that is. Even Sam doesn’t know anything about his sex life. Some parts of 1940’s discretion is very much ingrained in him. It’s not shame. He just likes keeping intimacy... intimate.)

- Bucky is slow and sensual in bed, warm and passionate. With him sex really does feel like making love. It was on your first night together that you’d fallen for him and his patient, gentle way of touching you.

- Orgasming had been so easy when you felt worshiped and safe. And it remained that way with him. Later, these feelings heightened your desire for rough sex with your boyfriend. Because sex with Bucky was a place of security for you. He was utterly harmless towards you and in that context, rough sex would be amazing.

- But things between you two are pretty much vanilla.

- He’s always soft with you. Things can be heightened and swirling with passion, but he’s never show even a flash of aggression or force.

- The super soldier serum means he has stamina for days. He can accomplish and position you want to try, even if it involves lifting you for long periods of time. And there’s no question if he’s going to last. Also, his recovery time is so short “round two” sometimes blurs in with round one.

- But he’s careful about using his strength against you, even more so during intimate situations.

- You’re not “breakable” and he knows that. But you’re precious to him and leaving a mark that isn’t from pure passion would wreck his mental health. Permanently. He’d never forgive himself.

- You know this too, which is why you never asked him to choke you.

- “Baby doll. I want to give you your fantasy. Will you let me? Do you want that from me?”

- You do. You really, really want to be choked by him. So you quietly respond, “Yes.”

- Before he starts, you two sit on the couch and he holds you while you tell him about your fantasies. He takes off your heels while you tell him all your darkest desires. And he gives the sore arches of your feet a massage, listening intently.

- One comforting thing for Bucky is that having been a soldier, he knows how to choke someone. He’ll be able to tell if it’s too much for you. He knows how long before it would damage you. There’s some confidence forming that this will be safe and he won’t hurt you.

- It’s nice that for once his violent past is proving helpful in your relationship. He thought agreeing to choke you might rattle him a little, stirring up old emotions, but it’s soothing. He’s enjoying using what he knows to make this experience good for you.

- He lets things get rough when you go to bed. He doesn’t hold back the passion tonight. Instead, he focuses on eating you to orgasm and holding you on the edge until you pull his hair.

- “Bucky! Please!”

- Then he slides two fingers inside of you and draws fast little circles on your g-spot until you break.

- He lets up on your clit but as the orgasm fades, slides in a third finger and pounds the spot until your pussy creams on his hand and your groans are low and raw, filled with ecstasy.

- “That’s it, doll. Just like that. So pretty when you cum for me. Keep going, baby girl. I’m right here.”

- His metal arm wraps around your waist when you arch your back, holding you so he can keep toying with the spot as your hips begin to jerk away.

- When he’s finally done with your g-spot his hand is drenched. So is the sheet and your inner thighs.

- And you’re gasping for breath from the intense orgasm. When it comes on this hard you can’t really tell if it’s one long orgasm or three separate ones that came almost back to back.

- Bucky takes you in his arms, cooing sweet nothings into your ear.

- It helps you calm down when he talks in a soft soothing voice. The man should narrate meditations.

- His voice is silky and smooth for you, yet rough with repressed need. You can hear the need and it feeds your desire.

- “Please, Bucky. I need to feel you inside of me.”

- You find yourself underneath him, with your legs pushed apart and his body selling between them.

- You love feeling the weight of him on top of you.

- Then, he gently opens the petals of your sex and guides himself inside of you.

- There’s a stretch and burn as he enters you, just like there always is. Your body never quite adjusts to his girth. Each time you have to relax for him.

- He knows it’s a challenge to take him at first. He’s always careful and there’s a tube of lubricant in the side table. It’s not always needed but he’s always prepared.

- His hips begin to roll, and he sets a steady pace that pushes the tip of his cock against your spot with each thrust. At first his thrusts are shallow but as you begin to relax around him he goes deeper. His body moves forward to cover you and he starts fucking you hard.

- Each snap of his hips has you keening. Your body is so sensitive from your earlier orgasms. He keeps up the pace steady and constant until you’re begging. Then he reaches out with his metal hand and covers your throat. At this point, your channel clenches around him, almost in orgasm.

- “You wanted my metal hand baby, didn’t you?”

- Yeah. You had. The idea had fueled your fantasies night after night.

- The cool press of metal into your throat makes you moan and tremble.

- Bucky feels the shiver and worry flashes through his eyes. “This okay, doll?”

- “Yes, harder, please!”

- He can feel your body responding and it encourages him to press down, finally choking you the way you’d dreamed of.

- You orgasm almost instantly as he chokes you through your climax.

- Bucky lets go when your fluttering muscles start to ease. Suddenly he’s driving into you hard. He drops his hand from your neck, needing both to balance his weight as he seeks his own pleasure.

- The wild, rough movement is harder than the two of you have ever gone before.

- Because he’s always been afraid of hurting you with his enhanced strength until he was too far gone to think.

- When his orgasm hits, his sight goes white and he jerks against you, pumping his seed into you. Then he collapses.

- You hold him tight, savoring the press of his body and the feeling of his release inside of you.

- “You okay, doll? I wasn’t too rough?”

- “It was perfect.”

- Your hand strokes through his hair as you lay together in the same position for several minutes. Heartbeats pounding, your minds still struggling to return to equilibrium.

- Bucky recovers first. Damn that super soldier serum. It’s not fair that you’re still limp and dazed.

- He slips out of you and rolls over, bringing you with him. Your head finds its cradle in his shoulder and your eyes drift shut.

- Recovery isn’t going to happen for you tonight. You’re just going straight to sleep. You’ve earned it.

- Bucky shifts you onto your side. He gets up and you hear water running in the bathroom before a cool cloth touches between your legs, cleaning you.

- You murmur a thanks, half asleep.

- He comes back to cuddle you into his arms, adjusting the pillows around you before he lays down.

- When you throw a leg over his hip, he draws you closer so that you’re lying almost on top of him.

- “You make such a good pillow of someone with so many hard muscles.”

- Bucky chuckles and kisses the top of your head.

- “I’m glad. Go to sleep, doll. I love you.”

- “I love you too, James.”

[hqbbg]

clean.

pairing: sakusa kiyoomi x fem!reader

prompt: “guess I'll just have to cum inside you.”

genre: smut

word count: 3.8K

warnings: 18+, masturbation, slight degradation, blowjob, some spanking, fingering, orgasm denial, vaginal s3x, creampie, this is legit just filth so please read at your own discretion

author’s note: this is my contribution to the Haikyuu!! Headquarters server collab! Find the masterlist of a bunch of other great writers here 💖 hope you enjoy!

A soft hiss slips past Sakusa’s lips as he tightens his grip around the base of his cock. He slides his hand up his girth and uses his thumb to collect some of the beading precum to smear around the bulbous head, biting his lip to not make too much noise.

He knows he shouldn’t be doing this, practically disgusted with himself because of the situation he’s placed himself in, but he couldn’t resist.

You’d asked him to accompany you to visit your parents for one week, which meant it was the first time he would meet them in person. Sure, he’s spoken with them whenever you’d call them, but he wanted to do his best to leave a good impression on them for their first time seeing him in person. It was their idea to let the two of you stay at their home to avoid spending money on finding a hotel and whatnot—not that Sakusa would’ve even considered staying in such a filthy and public place—but that meant that the two of you would be spending practically every hour of the day with your parents during the week-long trip. This also meant that the only true alone time was at night before bed, although your parents’ bedroom was right down the hall, so it wasn’t the amount of privacy that Sakusa would have liked.

It was your last evening with them, so your parents had offered to take the two of you out to a fancy dinner, having made reservations and everything. You were both told to dress appropriately for the upscale restaurant, which was something you must’ve known about beforehand because you had packed a clean, white dress shirt and a pair of black slacks for him and a fiery red dress for yourself that he didn’t recognize.

Sakusa was by no means addicted to sex, but the moment he had seen you slip into the dress, he had wanted to rip it right off. The way it hugged every dip and curve of your body just made you look absolutely ravishing and the heels you’d paired with it were icing on the cake. Had it not been for your parents calling the two of you to hurry to avoid missing your reservation, he might’ve just taken you then and there.

The dress proved to be an issue throughout the rest of the night, starting with the way you’d swayed your hips with every step you’d taken in it. Sakusa found himself having a harder time maintaining his composure as the night progressed, especially when your hand kept brushing his thigh under the table which made it hard for him to focus on whatever story your parents were telling, travelling higher and higher with every couple of laughs shared at the table. He even had to subtly grab your wrist to keep your fingers from grazing dangerously close to his twitching cock.

It was moments like these that he had wished he could wear his face mask; he would be able to cover his face and not look as suspicious as he did now.

He had watched you from his peripherals, the way you were licking your spoon clean of the dessert your family had ordered for the table and the only thing he could think about was wanting your lips around his growing erection. He might’ve imagined it, but he also could’ve sworn that he saw your eyes flicker to him and your lips quirk into a smirk.

You knew exactly what you were doing and were clearly enjoying yourself too much.

He had to excuse himself from the dinner table before the check arrived and practically ran from the table, internally appreciating the fact that the restaurant had a single-use bathroom. He was quick to lock the door and undo his belt and pants, freeing his throbbing cock from its restraints and stood over the toilet.

He’s repulsed by the idea of touching any surface in this bathroom, no matter how nice it seems, but he knows that if he doesn’t take care of this issue now, it’ll only pose a problem later.

Sakusa’s pace is unforgiving as he spits into his own hand to help it move more smoothly up and down his cock. He closes his eyes and thinks of you, what it would be like if you were to be in this bathroom with him.

He thinks about the way you had slowly dragged your tongue along the dip of your spoon and bites his lip, wanting you to do the same to him from the base of his cock to the tip. You’d probably do it to tease him before dragging your tongue along his slit, coating him in your drool. You always like to kiss the red tip before wrapping your lips around it, swirling your tongue around as you pull your head back and release him with a ‘pop!’

He can practically see behind his closed lids the look you’d have on your face, grinning mischievously up at him as you wrap your nimble fingers around him and giving him a few generous pumps before leaning forward again to try and swallow him whole. Your fingers would grip and massage his balls, always earning the same reaction of him wanting to grip your hair and push you further down, relishing in your whines and moans whenever you’d feel him at the back of your throat.

Sakusa’s eyes flutter open and he’s breathing heavily as he watches his own hand squeeze and tug his cock—your cock.

He can feel his orgasm nearing and he continues to hiss and moan your name under his breath. Just as he feels that he can see the light at the end of the tunnel, there’s a knock on the door.

“Hey, Omi? Are you in there?”

He can’t stop, he needs to finish, he needs to finish—

“You’ve been in there for a while. Is everything okay? My parents wanted me to check up on you.”

Sakusa slows himself down, bitterly reminded that he has people waiting on him.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” he says, feeling frustrated that the moment is lost. He had been so close yet so far.

“Are you okay?” you ask once he steps out of the bathroom. His cheeks are flushed, and he looks upset.

He glances around the area for a moment before looking at you and grabbing your hand, guiding it to the pressing matter that is straining against his pants. He can see your eyes widen with realization and feels his lips twitch at the fact that you have the audacity to give him a squeeze through his fabric.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he hisses as he moves your hand away.

“I should be asking you that,” you tease him with a small smirk, indicating that you knew exactly what you’ve been doing all night, much to Sakusa’s frustrated dismay.

“Let’s just get back to your parents,” he grumbles. You do your best to conceal your giggle as the two of you walk back towards the dinner table. Sakusa tries to walk at an angle so his erection is hidden from plain sight behind you and the two of you arrive back at the table.

“Oh, there you are! Is everything alright?”

Sakusa nods, not wanting to be disrespectful, but finds it hard to focus his thoughts on anything but the idea of taking you tonight.

“Kiyoomi’s not feeling very well,” you say.

“Oh, it was probably something in that appetizer. I haven’t been feeling very good myself since we ate that.”

“Let’s hurry home then.”

Music to Sakusa’s ears.

Ever the gentleman, he holds the door open for you and you give him a sickeningly sweet and innocent smile as you slide into the backseat. He follows you in shortly and is relieved that it’s dark in the small compact space as the car begins to move.

He tries to ignore you as you slide yourself snug next to him, pressing yourself against him with every turn the car makes. You have your eyes fixed on the road ahead, but your hand finds its way onto Sakusa’s thigh once again. You feel his muscles tense under your fingers, and you try to resist the small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. He looks as if he’s holding his breath and has one hand gripping the armrest on the door while the other holds your wrist. You glance at him innocently and the look in his eyes is dangerous.

Your attention is averted when your parents ask a question and you casually reply, retracting your hand back to yourself. Sakusa visibly relaxes for a few moments and you try not to laugh.

As your parents continue to converse with the both of you, you take advantage of this time and slide your hand between his legs as he answers a question about his occupation, giving his still very erect cock a squeeze. His voice cracks and he quickly tries to recover by coughing and clearing his throat, both your parents stifling giggles as you yourself try not to burst out laughing.

His fingers are wrapped around your wrist again as he jerks it away. He leans in towards you and you do your best not to shiver upon feeling his hot breath fan against your neck.

“Just wait until we get home,” he all but growls lowly in your ear. You can practically feel the heat radiating off his body before he pulls back and sits up in his seat, keeping his grip firm around your wrist for the rest of the car ride home.

When the car finally arrives in front of the house, Sakusa does his best to remain polite yet feels his patience running thin when you take your time chatting with your parents about something that he had been too distracted to pay attention to earlier. He shifts uncomfortably as everyone gets out of the car and moves to the front door at an achingly slow pace, feeling anxious to hurry and get inside.

Unfortunately, the torture for him doesn’t end there, as you choose to stay in the living room and chat for a little longer about something he knows can be held another time. You do a good job of positioning yourself in front of him, so your parents are still blissfully unaware of the bulge in his pants and keep their focus on you until you finally bid your parents goodnight.

The walk to your shared bedroom is short, but you take your time, knowing that Sakusa is probably ready to snap at any moment. He proceeds to prove you right as you step into your bedroom and he’s quick to follow you in. Before you can even say or do anything, you feel him grip your wrist and pull you back, turning around to push you against the door, causing it to slam shut. Your eyes widen on instinct and you feel his calloused fingers wrap around your neck as he leans in close.

“You think you’re so cute acting like that in front of your parents, huh?”

You resist the whimper bubbling in your throat as you look up at him, his eyes dark as he stares you down.

“If you want to be a slut, then get on your knees and act like one,” he growls and releases your throat. You do little to protest, sliding down the door and getting on your knees as you were told. A familiar heat begins to burn between your legs.

Little time is wasted in unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his slacks as you use nimble fingers to quickly free him of his cloth prison. You feel your mouth water at the strained outline of his bulging cock through the darkness of his boxers and yank the fabric down to let it all pool at his feet. The hardened length practically springs to life and you waste no time in gripping it and giving it a few pumps before wrapping your lips around it.

Sakusa throws his head back at the warmth of your mouth and bites his lip, knowing that if he’s too loud, your parents might hear. He hangs his head back forward and watches as you gingerly suck on him, cheeks hollowing out as you use your hand to grip and squeeze what doesn’t fit in your mouth. He rakes his fingers through your hair, gripping a handful in the back to roughly push you deeper. You try not to gag and choke at the sudden pressure, feeling tears sting your eyes as he holds you there for a few seconds. When his grip loosens, you pull your head back and gasp for air, feeling a thin string of saliva connect your lips to his cock. Your eyes flicker up and you instantly feel another surge of warmth between your legs at the sight of Sakusa’s half-lidded eyes, parted lips, and pink cheeks.

Your fingers make their way to his balls and massage them, and you drag your tongue along the underside of his cock from the base to the tip. The wet muscle drags along the ridges, tracing a particularly thick vein.

“Fuck,” he hisses under his breath. “This is what you wanted all along, huh, you little slut?”

You continue to bob your head, humming in response as he grunts at the vibrations. You can feel that he’s close as he rocks his hips to match your pace, gripping a fistful of your hair again to force more of himself down your throat.

“I’m getting close,” he grits through his teeth as his pace quickens. Tears are once again prickling your eyes, threatening to spill over as he roughly fucks into your mouth. “You’re gonna swallow my cum like the good little cock slut you are, got it?”

You can barely even whimper in response before he holds your head still and you can feel his essence shoot down your throat. You swallow everything you can, swirling your tongue around his length to lick any remnants away until he practically jerks your head away from him. Your lips release him with a ‘pop!’ sound and he hisses at how sensitive he is. You wipe some of the excess that’s dribbled down your chin and look up at him, trying to keep your coughing at a minimum.

“Get on the bed.”

He stands back a little to give you enough room to stand and you quickly shuffle your feet towards the bed, trying to recover while ignoring the subtle soreness developing in your throat. You sit down on the edge and watch him as he begins to unbutton his shirt, your eyes slowly trailing down his broad chest to his cock that’s still standing tall and proud.

He must’ve been really pent up.

You sit in eager anticipation of what he’ll do next, unable to tear your eyes away from his as he finishes unbuttoning his shirt and shrugging it off. He tosses it aside and leans down so he’s at eye level with you.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard tonight,” he says, “but your parents might hear us, so you have to be quiet, okay?”

You nod.

“Good,” he says, straightening himself. You can’t help but feel slightly disappointed, having hoped that he would at least kiss you. “Turn around on all fours.”

His voice is husky, and you simply do as you’re told, climbing slightly higher up on the bed in the position he wants you in. You feel the bed dip with his added weight and turn your head slightly to see what he’s doing. He admires your backside for a moment before lifting your dress up and hooking his fingers onto the hem of your panties. He roughly pulls them down and nearly rips them in the process, but before you can even say anything in protest, a large palm lands firmly against your exposed flesh. You yelp in surprise and he looks at you with a quirked brow.

“I said to be quiet, didn’t I?”

“Sorry,” you bite your lip as he tugs your panties down your legs. You lift one leg at a time until he’s able to fully remove them, expecting him to simply toss them aside. To your surprise, he reaches forward and shoves your panties into your mouth.

“That’s better,” he grunts with a smirk on his lips. You probably shouldn’t feel as aroused as you are at this commanding side of Sakusa.

You feel a thick finger swipe upwards against your slick folds and you whimper as he examines his glistening fingertip. You want to say something, but feel two digits abruptly insert themselves in and you’re suddenly glad you have something to muffle the moan that’s ripped from you.

His pace is quick and rough, and you bite down harder on the fabric in your mouth as your back arches, your head hanging low. You use one hand to rub at your clit, only finding momentary relief until Sakusa ministers another slap against your ass.

“Did I say you could touch yourself, you fucking whore?”

You shake your head and remove your hand, bringing it back to its original position. You grip the sheets in your fists as you feel his fingers curl and reach a particularly deep spot within you, making it very hard for you to keep quiet. You lean forward onto your elbows and bury your face into the sheets, feeling that you will be too loud otherwise.

Just as you feel your first orgasm approaching, Sakusa removes his fingers and you’re left clenching around nothing. You lift and turn your head to look behind you in frustration, though you’re not left frustrated for long.

Sakusa positions the fat tip of his cock in front of your hole and slides in without warning, warranting an immediate and loud moan from you. Your underwear falls from your mouth and your eyes practically roll to the back of your head as you’re filled to the brim with him. You can feel a rough hand grip your hip while the other finds its way around your throat. He pulls you up so your back is pressed against his chest and you want to turn your head to kiss him, but he quickly attaches his lips to your neck, sucking and nibbling against your sweet spot. You’re quick to tilt your head to give him easier access, one hand reaching behind you to grab Sakusa’s hair, weaving your fingers through his thick curls, while the other grips at his arm as it moves between your legs and finally touches the sensitive bundle of nerves. He rubs rough circles as his hips continue to snap against yours and you’re racing to the finish line that is your orgasm.

He begins to whisper dirty things into your ear, calling you his good little cumslut and you clamp your hand over your mouth to quiet your moans, though you’re sure it’s ineffective. The sound of skin slapping against skin combined with the overwhelming pleasure muddles your senses and the only thing you can think of is how good Sakusa feels inside of you. After a few more rough thrusts, you feel your walls clamp down as your orgasm washes over you.

Sakusa slows down, finding it increasingly harder to maintain his rhythm as your velvet walls tighten around him and he knows he won’t last much longer. He decides to pull out, however, letting you go, and sitting back. Your muscles are shaky as you look at him, confused and fucked out.

“I didn’t cum yet,” he says simply, tilting his head slightly as he leans back against his palms on the bed. You bite your lip, understanding his implications and crawl over to him on your wobbly arms and legs. You throw your leg over him so you’re straddling him, placing one hand on his shoulder to steady yourself while the other grips his throbbing cock to position at your dripping entrance.

You slowly lower yourself down, whimpering at the sensitivity until he’s fully sheathed within you. You place both of your hands on his shoulders and bury your face into his neck as you slowly rock your hips, rotating them every so often. Sakusa lifts his hands to finally unzip your wrinkled dress and you tiredly lift your arms so he can lift the fabric over your head, leaving you completely bare before him. As you continue to rotate your hips lazily, he palms your breasts and looks up at you. You finally take this chance to press your lips against his, having wanted to do this all night and wrap your arms around his neck as you feel his tongue push past your lips. You entangle your fingers through his hair again and moan against his lips as he pinches your pebbling nipples, eventually sliding his hands down the dip and curve of your waist to your hips. He helps guide you as you move up and down, his hips meeting you halfway.

He’s not as rough as he’s been, knowing how overstimulated you already are, though his hips begin to move faster. It eventually gets to a point where you have no choice but to bury your face into his neck to stifle your moans as he holds your hips still and simply thrusts upwards against them. You feel another orgasm quickly approaching and know that this time, Sakusa is right there with you.

“Fuck, baby,” he hisses. “I’m gonna cum.”

“We can’t get my parents’ sheets dirty,” you pant as you lift your head slightly.

“Guess I’ll just have to cum inside you,” he grunts as he begins to pick up the pace. You bite your lip as another wave of pleasure begins to crash over you, consuming you completely. Not too long after, you feel Sakusa begin to shoot ropes cum inside of you, painting your insides white. He finds your lips quickly and kisses you to let you swallow his moans, slowing his movements to an eventual stop.

The two of you sit there, panting heavily in your post-sex glow. You slowly lift yourself off, wincing at the oversensitivity while Sakusa carefully moves to the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?” You ask as you watch him stand.

“We’re all sweaty, so we have to shower now,” he replies, beginning his trek towards the bathroom. He turns when he realizes you’re still awkwardly positioned on the bed to not let any of his cum spill out of you and onto the sheets. “Well, are you coming?”

“I can’t feel my legs,” you frown slightly.

“If you were good, I wouldn’t have had to be so rough. You can make it up to me in the shower.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

[cerinefalls]

One Bed {A Shoto Todoroki xReader Trope-Fic}

This work is the first of a series.

3290 words

MHA/BNHA trope fic

fluff

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On this lovely night, an unexpected stop had UA in a tizzy. Of course, something had gone wrong. You were on a trip with the hero course, after all. The bus came to a screeching halt in the darkness, which woke most of the students aboard.

"Is everyone alright?" Aizawa stood groggily from his bus seat and turned to face the body of students behind him. It looked like students weren't the only ones awoken by the unexpected stop.

"We're fine, Mr. Aizawa." Denki shot a thumbs up in the direction of his teacher, letting him know that his group had been fine.

"Yep, looking good on this side of the bus!" Kirishima seconded. The two boys were right. 1A's side of the bus was hardly affected by the whiplash-inducing pause in their trip.

The same could not be said for Class B. Due to the direction of the bus, Class B's student body had ended up halfway on the floor. Aizawa could clearly see this when he turned to ask for a status update, but he accepted the 'I'm fine' from his students and sat down long before anyone addressed it.

"I'm sorry, kids. Somethin's wrong with the engine." The bus driver hopped up out of his seat and bowed at the front of the aisle. It was some form of apology, though no one believed it was needed.

"It's fine," Shouta grumbled from his seat. "Vlad will get us rooms somewhere so we can wait out the night. It's unsafe to stay here with villains roaming around." After a few moments of back and forth between the hero-course teachers, Vlad cracked and began searching for hotels nearby.

Soon enough, classes 1A and 1B had walked to a nearby hotel. You'd arrived safely! What a feat for this school. As soon as you walked in, though, you could tell why arriving safely wasn't the worst of your concerns. Immediately whispers began floating amongst students.

"Enough." Aizawa progressed to the front of the group and shushed them, which with his demeanor worked quickly. Everyone turned their attention to him and listened to what he had to say. "They have been kind enough to let us bring all of you here. Be respectful."

"Yeah, because all their rooms were empty..." One student joked from the back. They instantaneously regretted their decision.

"Go to the front and get your room keys." Vlad pointed in the direction of the check-in desk while Aizawa dealt with the problem-child.

What a time! Staying in a hotel with unknown reviews on a night you were meant to be safe in your dorms. This had to be the safest, most organized thing UA had ever allowed to happen, right? It was no surprise at this point. You let your annoyed thoughts sink to the back of your mind as you walked to the room you were assigned and swiped your key.

Wait- what was that? Something brushed your hand as you reached for the door. You snatched your hand back, fight or flight switched on in your unfamiliar surroundings, but when you turned around, all you saw was a puzzled face on one of your classmates.

"Shoto?" You questioned, startled but settling down. He nodded in response.

"The woman at the desk gave me a key to this room," he explained.

"She gave me a key to this room," you elaborated, matching the confusion he was displaying.

"Maybe we are meant to share it," he suggested. You hadn't thought about that. The hotel was housing forty-one students and two teachers, so it'd make sense if you were supposed to share rooms. You nodded.

"It isn't impossible." You wanted to make sure, though. Reaching your hand over again, you placed the black bar on the back of your card against the lock. With a click, it opened. "Hm, now you try." You stepped back to give him room.

Todoroki took a few moments to realize what you were trying to do, but once he did, he stood to attention. Shoto placed the bar of his own card onto the lock, and just as it had with yours, the lock opened. He stepped forward with a hum, pushing open the door and waiting for you to enter.

"Oh? Thank you." You tried not to sound worried as you carried yourself as well as your bag into the room. It was separated! How lovely. For a ditsy-looking hotel, the room sure seemed nice. You sat your bag next to the couch and put your exhausted body to rest right above it, falling on the furniture with a thud.

Todoroki wasn't far behind you, closing the door when he walked in and placing his bag next to the armchair. He took a seat on the chair and turned in your direction.

"You should shower," He said plainly.

"Are you calling me stinky?" You joked, attempting to make light of the soon-to-be awkward situation. It appeared your humor was completely lost on this one, though, because instead of a laugh, you saw a dull face and slow-shaking head.

"No, not like that." Todoroki denied your claim. "I'm saying we were doing field training, and you should clean up. I'll let you go first." He was keen on giving you the first chance at things. It was sweet of him, no matter how bland he was while doing it. Kindness was kindness, and you weren't about to turn kindness down.

"Right," you agreed, not surprised your joke had flown over this boy's head. For someone half cold-half hot, his personality sure took after one side at a time.

You slowly stood off the couch and grabbed your bag, walking towards the washroom. After addressing him with a final nod of thanks, you disappeared past the doorframe. Once steam began to seep past the crack underneath, Shoto reached for his bag and took out his phone, knowing you were comfortable in the shower.

40 Missed Calls from "Father."

Shoto swiped the notifications away and went to text endeavor with an update. By the time he'd passive-aggressively responded to his father's concerns and beat three levels of his 'brain games,' you'd emerged from the shower and opened the door.

"I only had my casual clothes as spares, so I'll be sleeping in a t-shirt tonight. I hope you brought something." You spoke embarrassedly as Todoroki stared you down. It was odd how long his eyes were fixed on your wet hair, almost as if he was trying to figure something out. Even as you walked back to the couch and sat down- his eyes followed the upper half of your body and studied you.

After this prolonged experience, he went right back to normal without speaking a word. All he did was nod at you as you had him, walking into the washroom and shutting the door. You didn't see any steam after he turned the water on, which you thought was mildly confusing. Had he stepped in already? Apparently so, though you didn't figure this out until fifteen minutes later when he finally emerged.

"Go use the restroom before bed." A half-dressed Shoto Todoroki walked back into the 'living room' with completely dry hair. While you'd covered your upper body, he'd covered his lower. Had that been why he'd stared at you before? He was even making a point to fluff his hair with his hands, taking his seat back on the armchair.

"Good idea." You replied, quickly scurrying to the washroom once again. You hadn't realized it, but you needed to pee. You'd first noticed on the bus, but since the stress of the situation got to you, you'd completely forgotten.

When you approached the toilet, you saw the handle of the shower through your peripheral vision. It was turned completely towards the cold setting. Todoroki washed up in that? No wonder his mood was as cold as his right side.

After washing and drying your hands, you joined Todoroki once again. It was nearing time for the two of you to go to sleep, and neither of you checked the bedroom yet. That gave you an idea.

"Hey, Todoroki, let's look around the room before bed." You suggested.

"But, your hair?" He sounded confused.

"What about my hair?" You questioned him, patting your head in an attempt to find what he was talking about.

"You shouldn't go to bed with wet hair. It can make you sick." Todoroki stated quietly. For someone so brief in speaking, his attention to detail was uncanny. "Aizawa would be annoyed if you got sick." He reminded you, and he was probably right. That, as well as the fact that being sick sounded rather unappealing with recovery girl hours away.

"You're right." You nodded in agreeance with him. "Let me go dry it-"

"Let me." Shoto Todoroki just offered to dry your hair. Something about the idea seemed... unsafe.

"Why you?" You questioned, intrigued.

"You didn't do it the first time and I know where the hairdryer is." He stood up and walked towards the room again, opening the door and waiting for you. "Unless you don't want me to."

"Hairdryer?" You were unsure of that. The last thing you wanted was for your hair to get damaged in some way. You thought about it, though. Todoroki's hair was well-kept and looked healthy. It was unlikely he'd do anything wrong, even if your hair was a bit different. "I... trust you." You nodded, following him and standing in front of the sink.

"Okay, stand still." He reached behind the door and took out a cloth bag. From the bag, he pulled out a white, clunky hairdryer. When Shoto plugged it in, the lights in the washroom flickered, startling you.

"You used that on your head!?" You expressed your concern openly.

"No. I don't use hairdryers. I just know how to because Fuyumi taught me. This one doesn't seem safe, though." Todoroki unplugged the hairdryer and sat it on the ironing board, far away from any water sources. " I could dry your hair how I dry my own if you're okay with that."

"Oh, you towel dry? Or does your hair air-dry fast?" You had to admit, you were slightly interested.

"Neither," he shook his head.

"Then..."

"I use my flames."

"What?"

"Midoriya suggested I practice using smaller flames for simple tasks. It helps me." Todoroki demonstrated, a small blaze lighting from his palm. It was interesting to watch such a controlled flame come from him when he'd been a walking inferno during training. "I started using it to dry things because it was safer with water around."

"So you haven't been doing this for very long?" You were skeptical of this method, though as you'd noted before, his hair was still healthy. Clearly, he was doing something right.

"No, I have not, but I've accumulated a skill for it. I'm comfortable containing a flame this size for a long time now." Todoroki explained

It took you a few minutes to consider, time he spent sitting on the edge of the tub and playing with his fire. It was refreshing to see him using it so comfortably when it was clearly not his strongest point. Not trusting him with it seemed almost rude now. "I've made my decision," you turned his way, earning a look of interest. "I still trust you. Show me how you dry your hair." Though you were not sure, you could almost swear you saw a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. It was hard to tell, though, because it lasted only a moment before he stood and walked behind you again.

"Stand still." He requested, raising his right hand just next to the edge of your silhouette. He carefully guided a warm flame around your head. It quickly evaporated the water nearest the air around the two of you but did nothing for the soaked roots. After a thoughtful hum, Todoroki made a tactical decision. He started to section your hair, slowly but surely getting to the root without burning you. After he was done, he fluffed your hair like he had fluffed his own and took a step back.

"Thank you." You smiled, looking over your shoulder in the mirror. In the reflection, you saw a well-contented Shoto Todoroki, looking at his righthand proudly. You dare not mention it for fear of embarrassing him, but it made you smile.

"Thank you for the opportunity." He nodded respectfully, opening the door fully and waiting for you to step out. Once you did, he followed.

The two of you stood in the makeshift hallway until someone yawned, making you giggle. It was time to check out the bedroom, a unanimous decision you'd made. With a loud creak, the door opened and the two of you stepped in.

It wasn't what you expected, to say the very least. You walked into what looked like a beautiful bedroom! It was minimalistically styled, a good choice for a hotel. It was even spacious enough for multiple beds! But... there weren't. You walked into a bedroom that only housed four pieces of furniture; a console table, a dresser, a nightstand, and a California king-sized bed.

"Did we miss something?" You asked, walking around and checking each of the walls. Nothing seemed out of place, and you didn't see any buttons.

"No. The woman told me there would be one bed located in the bedroom area." Shoto explained, placing his bag down by the door. He'd brought your bag as well and placed it on the opposite side of the door. "I was planning on sleeping in the opposite room had I gotten a roommate. I want you to take the bed." It would of course make sense to have the stronger student by the front in the event of an attack, but he did not tell you that.

"There are windows in this room. I think it's safer if we stick together." You suggested, trying to think of ways the two of you could share the space comfortably. The bed looked big enough to fit two full-sized Fatgums, so it wasn't impossible.

"Are you comfortable with me staying here? There's plenty of room in the front if you're worried about me falling off." He reassured you of his safety. Todoroki knew it'd be better to cover both potential entrances, but he also considered your mental well-being. If it made you feel safer with another person, he'd stay.

"I..." You thought for a moment, sitting on the edge of the bed. The all too familiar coolness of the hotel bedspread made up your mind for you. "I'd prefer if you stayed with me." You couldn't possibly make him stay on the couch. He was well-mannered and respectful. It wasn't like you'd struck out and gotten stuck with Bakugo. Keeping Shoto away from the comfort of a hotel bed simply wasn't an option- or at least, not one you were considering.

"Thank you." He nodded. "What side of the bed do you want?" Once again, he was giving you the first pick. You couldn't tell if this instance was him being polite or indecisive, nor did you truly care. His offer allowed you to pick the side of the bed you were most comfortable with, and you did.

Todoroki closed the door and climbed into bed next to you, keeping to his edge. You didn't notice until you rolled over. You thought you'd hit his leg and went to apologize, but he wasn't next to you. The poor boy was barely hugging the edge of the bed.

"Todoroki-" You called out quietly, at a loss for what to say, really.

"Yes?" He answered without a hint of tiredness in his voice. How could he be? Hugging the corner had to be taking some serious effort.

"I'm not scared of you or anything. You can lay down on the bed if you want to." You reminded him you were allowing him near you despite his previous offer. It almost felt like he was scared of you.

"Oh." Hesitantly he rolled back onto the mattress.

"Have you never shared a bed with anyone?" You questioned, unaware of the can you just opened.

Todoroki sat up and turned on the lamp, shaking his head 'no.' Then, and you weren't sure for how long, he went on a tangent about his home life. Shoto explained calmly that until recently, he hadn't had a chance to make friends and enjoy people for who they were. It was far from the simple answer you wanted, but it was enlightening, to say the least.

"So, I do not have much experience in this sort of thing. I do most things alone." He concluded, turning to face you in the dimly lit room. He hadn't looked at you the whole time, appearing lost in his own mind for most of the conversation. It was almost as though you were just an outlet for him at the moment.

"I see," you nodded. There wasn't much you could do. From the way he described it, you didn't pity him. On the contrary, you thought he was strong for enduring after having been dealt such a foul hand in life. None of his stories surprised you, either. They all fit together, woven into one silent-loathing UA first-year. "Can I ask you something?"  You asked, hoping he'd allow your next question.

"Yes," he replied with no visual facial cues.

"Could I help you learn to do things... not alone? As a hero, you'll need to be comfortable around your peers." At least, that was the reason you gave him. It was not why you'd asked, though. You did not pity him, but you did feel as though a support system was what he needed. If that had to start with you and  Midoriya, it was fine by you.

"That would be nice." Shoto laid down in the bed, turning the lamp out once more. It was silent for a while- a peaceful silence that you rather enjoyed. It definitely did not remain that way, though. You broke the silence with a shocked gasp when you felt something come behind you and wrap around your waist. You knew what it was even though you could hardly believe it.

"Shoto?" You called him by name. He only hummed in acknowledgment, waiting for you to ask your question. "Why are you..?"

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" His hold loosened and he backed up, fearing he'd done something wrong. "Natsuo told me that if I was ever put in this situation I should make sure they feel warm and protected. Are you too warm? Or do you feel unsafe?" Shoto had clearly taken his brother's joking advice a bit too seriously.

"Oh? No, no." You figured there was no harm in it, it'd just shocked you. "You can practice on me, but next time it's Midoriya's turn."

Todoroki nodded against your neck, scooted in closer than he had been before. Thank the heavens above for the air conditioning unit, because otherwise, you might have actually been 'too hot.' His quirks weren't the only thing half cold-half hot- his whole body was. Maybe it was some offset of his determination, but you surely felt the difference across your skin.

You had no time to critique his temporal settings.  Before you could get out another word, you heard a soft snore from behind you. Shoto Todoroki had fallen asleep already. It was looking like those cuddle-puddles Ochako tried to set up may have actually been a good idea. Even you felt tired now.

The two of you slept under odd circumstances that night, close and comfy. It was a mighty good thing no one checked for a pullout sofa.

[mishasminions]

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15. 

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡