#which is why it's a good thing my hobby is writing bad poetry

[fictionadventurer]

August: Day 23

Adventures

Bought gift for my sister and new niece

Met new niece for the first time

Got asked to be godmother (and accepted)

Accomplishments

Attempted poem for niece's baptism (because apparently my inner sentimental Victorian demands an outlet)

[danny-doodles]

Steve’s Hobby

This is a short 2k blurb about one of my Steve hcs, I am only really good at critical analysis writing so I’m sorry if this is bad!! Creative writing isn’t my strong suit but I felt like I couldn’t really explain this hc in a drawing as well as writing it could.

Growing up Steve was often taught the importance of words from his father, thinking it would be useful for his son’s future in the business. Steve was never the best reader, letters jumping around the page made it too difficult, so instead he listened to everyone around him. Teachers, his parent’s coworkers, older kids, all of them taught him the importance of the meaning of words.

How certain words would make someone a town pariah yet others a god among men. Steve was a more quiet kid but as he grew up he also grew confident in his words. He could tear someone down with one sentence, ensuring they knew he was not to be messed with. That’s why he was so confused when he struggled in his english class, he knew the power of words and the many meanings, but his teacher never understood. Sure he made grammar errors, how no one else struggled with the dancing letters he didn’t get, but how could the teachers not understand his connections? Steve shouldn’t have to explain why the red of the handmaid’s cloaks represented the ripping of humanity from the women, it was so clear to him. Obviously the boar head could be comparable to the church, how could his teachers not make the connection?

Even Nancy didn’t understand, someone he considered smarter than him. He knew she was trying to be nice when she critiqued his college paper but it still left him in the fog. Basketball was war to him, a fight that was pointless with one but possible with many. A challenge that called for leadership and a strict order. Everyone had the roles, knew where and when to shoot, needed the ability to think quickly on their feet and not struggle under the pressure. Uniforms to not only separate from the enemy but to show they are a unit reaching for a common goal. It was so clear leaving no need to explain, especially to Nancy.

But she didn’t get it, no one got it.

Maybe he wasn’t as good with words as he thought.

Steve from then on fumbled his words when he got nervous, scared he would say something that made him sound dumb and point out his weakness with words. The concussions didn’t help either, making him take longer to grasp concepts. Reading felt nearly impossible, the headaches were unbearable. Not to mention the kids' comments, judgmental and brutal as if Steve didn’t have a reason to struggle in the first place.

Everyone around him loved to put him in a sudden spotlight and when he didn’t say the right line he was booed off stage and dealt with the looks of disappointment from his co stars for messing up. So Steve stuck to what he knew, his quick remarks. Were they bitchy? Yes, but not coated in malice like they used to be. Piggybacking off others points with sarcastic comments so the other person kept talking, anything to get the attention off him.

But Steve had a secret hobby that he shared with no one, not even with his platonic soulmate with a capital P Robin.

Steve wrote poetry.

Years of horrors that by law he couldn’t share that caused vicious nightmares and a clammy grasp on reality at times tended to keep Steve up. Another gift bestowed by his father though was a feeling of shame when sharing his emotions. Didn’t help that those emotions were typically down played or outright ignored by others. Therefore a bottle filled with his emotions rested in Steve’s chest, which after Vecna he really realized probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do. So Steve took to writing them down, but he did it for himself.

No need to explain everything, he knew what he meant, he knew every context of every word. He wrote on his experiences, his emotions. He wrote when he was happy, he wrote when he was sad. Steve wrote and wrote and found his love for words again. And god did it feel good, it felt like taking back his voice from a world that underappreciated it. In a weird way it felt like revisiting a relative he had last seen as a child, that sense of freedom and the loss of expectation because in their eyes he was still that little kid. All they wanted was to see someone they loved and to Steve the words welcomed him back with a hug that rivaled his Nonna Maria’s.

Steve would ponder over lines at random intervals of the day, biting his pencil between his teeth during the quiet hours at work or simply jotting down a line right before picking the kids up. Steve wrote so often he kept his small little notebook on him at all times, usually accompanied by a pencil bound to it with a rubber band. (Turns out having hearing aids and glasses made it really difficult to put pencils behind one's ears). At this point everyone had seen his notebook, pale blue with some star stickers because he never had a shortage of them. Everyone assumed it was for something different. Some thought it was grocery lists, to-do lists, something productive. Others thought it was like a pocket calendar with all his plans listed so he didn’t forget. Dustin insisted it was meant to hold the definitions of anything D&D related so Steve never forgot, meanwhile Robin argued it was to hold all the wonderfully obscure movie recommendations she loved to give. All of them were wrong though and Steve kind of adored it that way. He didn’t have to explain himself that way, he could continue to hide under the blankets. Steve no longer held his tongue out of fear of others but because he had an outlet he much rather prefer.

Listening now felt less like a pop quiz, waiting for him to mess up his response, it felt like an actual conversation. Steve may not speak up as much as he would have before the Upside Down but he fell back in love with his own voice and maybe one day he would feel confident enough to share it with the Party, but for now it was all his.

No matter how much they wanted to prove who was right, the kids and older teenagers never touched the book when it was rarely separated from Steve. Well...after someone tried to grab it and they learned they really shouldn’t touch it.

While at the Harrington house the Party were preparing for a campaign session when the argument about the pale binded pages was brought up again. Steve had left it on the kitchen counter while he went to the bathroom, and Mike decided he was done with the bickering. He shot up and went to retrieve and open the book but before he could grab it the book flew through the air.

All the heads turned and landed on El holding it in her hand, “We are not Steve, this is his. It is rude to invade his privacy, would you like me to watch you without telling you,” everyone quietly shook their heads, “Then we do not watch Steve without him knowing.”

That’s exactly when Steve walked back in, it takes one look across the room at all the embarrassed faces and El holding his book with frustration painting her eyes to know what had occurred while he was gone. He walks up, kisses El on her head and softly thanks her while taking back his little literature.

After that incident no one dared touch the book or face the wrath of their favorite mage. They would find out when Steve was ready for them to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That damn little book haunted Eddie’s thoughts. He knew Steve was not what he assumed him to be so anything was on the table, he had been wrong about the guy before who's to say he won’t be this time?

Of course Eddie wanted to respect Steve’s privacy because Eddie personally would be mortified if Steve had seen any of his notebooks, mainly because of the pages of lyrics that not so subtly hinted at an itsy bitsy affection for the badass babysitter. If that didn’t give Eddie away the random ‘Eddie Harrington’ and ‘Steve Munson’ with hearts all over would finish the job. So yeah, Eddie was not crazy to offer up any of his notebooks to venture into Steve’s book. He just had no idea the universe would present him with a much more favorable offer.

Steve and Eddie started hanging out a lot more after Vecna, no shocker considering they shared a hospital room, and soon the bat buddies would spend their time together outside of the hospital. That’s why it wasn’t surprising for Steve to let Eddie venture into Steve’s room while he went to pick up their lunch.

Eddie was somewhat of a curious cat, so when he spotted the notebook and some papers scattered on Steve’s desk he was like a moth to a flame. He softly glided his fingers over the blue cover and exhaled some breath in a soft laugh over the star stickers Steve oh so loved. It was the paper though that caught his eye when he finished observing the book. It looked like lyrics at first but then he realized some of the lines were too short to be lines, if anything they looked more like stanzas from a poem. Steve had poetry on his desk, did Steve read poetry? Thee Steve Harrington likes poetry? God his whole doctrine was garbage huh. Eddie moved the paper towards him and started to read.

Watchful gaze

Setules on the glass.

Wishful gaze

Silent pleas of escaping rolling in the mouth

Fingertips slipping through the veil,

Grasping for warm hands,

Receiving lukewarm.

Hesitant to grab.

Dependency clasping the palms

Such a feverish feeling

Poking at the appendages,

A coldness that numbs.

Gently gripping for the heat,

The balmy yields.

Smoke and simmers,

Arms rushing to sides

Frozen.

Yearning for ardor,

Turn not yet given,

Waiting for the impossible,

Waiting for the unobtainable,

So understanding.

So relieving.

So desperate.

So alone.

Standing for the calling.

So patient.

So pathetic.

Empty Hands by Steve H.

Eddie was staring at the very last line on the paper, utterly flabbergasted. Steve wrote this? Steve writes poetry?! Is that what resides in the little book? Before Eddie could even find the power to turn to the book to look, Steve walked into his room. Again a quick look is all Steve needed to take before he knew what happened in his absence.

“Oh! Uh..I’m guessing you read it.”

Eddie slowly looked back up while caressing the paper, “Yeah, you..um..you really wrote this? Is that…uh..what’s in your notebook? Cause I will admit I never would have guessed that.”

Steve started scratching his neck, “I don’t blame you,” he huffs, “But yeah I write poetry, helps to let some of the thoughts out considering our lives y'know?”

“I totally get it dude! Lord knows my lyrics are infected with the whole spring break bullhonkey. So..totally cool if you don’t want to tell me but, why is this one out of the book? Were you gonna write it into the book?” Eddie picked up the paper to place it next to the notebook and turned to face Steve.

“Actually I copied it from the notebook, I’m gonna, okay wait, you can’t tell anyone this-”

“Even Robin?” Eddie exaggerated his smile to look wild.

“Even Robin.” Steve nodded with his eyes shut.

Eddie put his hands together and swayed while standing, “Wowww look at me, lil old Eddie Munson getting to learn the secrets of the mysterious writer Steve Harrington.”

“Eddie, you want to know or not?” Steve sighed as he put his hands on his hips.

“Yes. Yes please,” Eddie eagerly replied, barely letting Steve finish his sentence.

“The last time I went to Indy with Robin to go shopping at their mall we went to a cafe. The bulletin board had a flier for a poetry night and I got curious I guess.”

“You gonna perform the poem there?”

“That’s the plan.”

Eddie could understand wanting a fresh slate when it came to having a reputation. “Craving anonymity? Must be tough considering you are Hawkin’s golden boy.”

Steve smiles brightly and Eddie sees his shoulders lose tension, tension Eddie didn’t even notice because he was so distracted by the fact that holy shit Steve is a poet. “Exactly.”

Honestly Eddie would give anything to hear more of Steve's hidden works, he grabs some of his hair and brings it to cover his mouth, “I know you don’t intend to tell the rest of the bunch, but uh..would you allow a humble bard to observe your lyrical performance?”

Eddie looks at Steve’s face for any hint of annoyance and finds none, instead he finds a look that he could hope to be correct in his guess is excitement.

“Really? You’d want to hear more, it's not confusing or stupid to you?” Steve softly smiled at Eddie, making him swoon inside.

“It's art! It doesn’t need to make sense, it just needs to make you feel good, who cares if others are confused. And for what its worth even if I’m not right on the money that poem made me feel Steve, I mean as the expert in self-expression it felt real and vulnerable, y’know.” Eddie had to shut himself up before he himself waxed poetry about just how much he is dying to hear more from Steve to learn more about him.

“Thanks Eddie.” Steve gazed at Eddie as if no one had ever told him that before. Which now that hes thinking about it that’s probably the truth. Guess Eddie needed to constantly remind him then.

Eddie smiled, mirroring Steves while bending at his waist, “Oh but of course my liege.”

“Oh my god okay Eddie cmon the food’s gonna get cold.”

Steve started to leave his room and Eddie rushed to follow him, “Now that I know what the book is filled with may I pretty please read it?” Rapidly blinking his eyelashes in an attempt to look innocent and pure but instead looking like a piece of dust got in his eyes.

“Nope.”

“Ugghhh c'mon Steve! Just imagine the look on the little hellions when they see me opening the book! God the jealousy! The feeling of betrayal when they see me reading Steve Harringtons’s treasure trove of text and they are none the wiser to what is inside. And the best part, I have permission! The power I would hold Steve! The possibility, I could use them like little puppets to do my bidding while they crave information I alone hold!”

“Eddie that sounds like a headache for me waiting to happen, they’re just gonna badger me to tell them because they would claim it’s unfair you know and they don’t.”

“Eh, their egos could take a little hit don’t you think?” Eddie was now resting his head on Steve’s shoulder as the younger started to bring the food out of the carry out bag.

“Can I read your lyric notebook?”

Eddie’s eyes went wide as his brain proceeded to remind him of every lyric he had written around his devotion to Steve. Red in the face Eddie responded quickly, “Nope! Mmm you smell that Stevie I’m so hungry, aren’t you?”

“Subtle Munson.”

“Tis my middle name.”

Steve fondly rolled his eyes, “Sure.”

As they settled down on the couch Eddie tracked Steve grabbing the remote, “So I can really watch you?”

Steve turned and looked at Eddie with a calmness on his face. “Yeah Eddie.”

Eddie grabbed his hair as Steve stared at him, “Cool, cool, it’s a date.” Eddie froze about to panic silently as he tried to fix his slip up.

“Yeah, it's a date.” The two looked at each other, neither wanting to look away. After a minute or so Steve turned on the TV and if the two fell asleep together it was their business.

[ghostofasecretary]

okay okay okay FINE

it would be great to continue burying my feelings in busywork but we *are on a time limit*

i don't. want to do this.

i don't want to apply again! i don't want to deal with rejection or bad offers again! and it'll be so exhausting!!

and. i mean. i'm so scared of things going well also. because then i have to--to take my newfound not-resilience, my lowered tolerance for personal suffering, and my desire to enjoy my life, and marry that into schoolwork. i feel like i am less curious and more content these days and i don't *like* it and most of it is due to pain making me smaller, not an ambition or desire to have day after day fade into monotony punctuated by my three hobbies and, sometimes, my friends. ...that's a little ungenerous to me, i have maybe five hobbies. and also lots of chores.

but i'm.

i'm *doing bad.*

okay, that horrible annoying prompt, you know the one. imagine a future where you are happy.

i'm married to someone i really like and i come home to them and we're easy with each other and they like my food and do the dishes for me and we have nice sex. i read a lot. i translate poetry. i have enough nice walks and museum time and music and interesting conversations that turning my stress into poetry is easy and i also figure out how to write poems when i'm happy. my friends are close by. i have delicious meals and a moderate amount of luxurious foods, things that are a Line Item on the budget and not just, y'know, beans and tomatoes and onions and [any leafy green]. i like getting dressed and i thrift/change out clothes more often than i do now. i do my [side gig] once or twice a month and the marketing is low effort and the work is fulfilling. i teach. i read. i write. i figure out what help other people can give me and i ask for it and i keep in practice so i don't pause when it's crunch time. i have enough money that i don't worry about being unemployed for two or three months and i have enough income not to worry about rent and i save for retirement. i travel to see friends an extravagant two or three times a year (but just once or twice would be okay, too). i go a few years without something deeply wounding me so i have more of a cushion when the next crisis hits. i'm not afraid of being happy or of wanting things. i present information to people semi-regularly and practice and learn to work different kinds of crowds. maybe i try music, or comedy, or gardening, or rowing. i dunno. i'm practiced at practicing my languages and i have fun with it and i *let* myself have fun with it. i don't flinch from texts and emails. i go to bed and i wake up early feeling rested and i have really satisfying breakfasts, preferably with company.

it's embarassing to want to be married. like i know it's normal, actually, but--ugh. really? me? unfortunately: yes, really me.

the thing is, if i were married and had more money and did more [side gig] and didn't flinch from emails and had fun with *the thing i deeply love actually when i'm not running from it, why do i DO THAT* this would be pretty close to my current life.

so. like. if i were happier and more stable i would be happier and more stable. cool. what was i wanting to get from this, again?

reasons to apply to grad school.

1. you'd be good at it. it's really fun and satisfying to do things you're good at.

2. there are worse ways to start a career where you write and teach and translate poetry than getting a PhD.

3. dating feels completely unmanageable right now because where is my life even GOING, where might i even LIVE, it's unbearably hard to imagine looking for someone to build a life with when i have, like, [actual career path that takes years to build and a lot of grit and LUCK] hovering over me on one end and [idk being a human somehow?????] on the other and i don't know which one i'll pick. or have put in front of me to walk down. or whatever. i'd like to be committed to trying to be an academic or committed to simply Not doing that, before...before.

4. [sunk cost factory so many hours can't stop now]

okay. and reasons not to apply?

1. it's expensive and i don't qualify for any fee waivers and i REALLY TRULY do not have money to burn right now. it's not *dire* but i am, like, next month heading towards a worse financial state than i've been in since i was 15. 18 at latest. and that's *scary.*

2. grief! fuck it! sorry i have emotions but it was kind of crushing in 21-22 to have everyone be like "oh yeah you'd be great at this you'll have your pick you have a very bright future" and then not get in, and last year to have "wow yes we love you please come to our schools" and not get enough funding to *go,* and so much of 2023 was just. waiting. screw that, so much of THIS YEAR was waiting. my whole summer job i told people i was going off to do my MA because at the time of my interview i really really really thought i would still get funding and, hahahaha, nope. and i didn't want to tell people because they'd be weird about it. so instead i was weird about it and felt bad and feel bad. someone smarter than me can probably tell me how i could've sliced that one better but i'm just crying on my housemate's downstairs couch because it feels pretty bad to have hope crushed like that.

also typing this out i DO feel like an entitled prick. sorry. i'm just privileged and lucky and beautiful and smart and ~special~ and a depressed little guy who's had PTSD on two separate occasions, minimum, and is more functional but still pretty fucked up. like all the time.

3. i burnt myself on purpose for spite and justice and no real gain whatsoever, at my first job out of college, and it was an experience and i learned things and one of the things i learned is that it SUCKS and i DON'T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN. and doing a PhD is, like. notoriously "this is a bad experience that makes you crazy." documentably a bad experience that makes people crazy. actually.

and what if i drop out?

then you drop out and find a way to move forward. both your parents did. your uncle did. plenty of people you know dropped out of college or MAs or PhDs. life doesn't end. maybe some people's hopes are disappointed but that's a them problem. your own hopes are disappointed but not trying at all because you're scared you'll fail is. Not a great look?? not something i want to do, particularly.

what if i have a psychotic break (again)?

then you drop out. or take a leave of absence. and either it'll go away or it won't and you'll deal.

yeah but i really don't want to be more disabled.

then drop out before your mental health gets that far down the drain. you were suicidally depressed and mega traumatized for *years* before those two scary weeks in high school, and after the first few hours you basically knew what was happening even if you didn't believe it, and regular degular antidepressants fixed it. you haven't *been* regularly suicidally depressed in years. a bit during The Dog Incident and a bit when you raised your med dosage too high in 2023 and a bit this summer and a bit lately, but not very much. there's a difference between "panic what feels like every day and wanting to die, like, once an hour" and "eating three meals a day, procrastinating, and going 'ugh i wish i were dead' when something especially stressful comes up." not saying it's not on the same spectrum but it is a light to dark scale and you know where the divisions are. and neither of those are "having Stress Pain and chanting "kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me i want to die i want to die i want to die" constantly and especially loudly when you have to walk up the stairs or eat food." which, again: has not really happened ever since you got on antidepressants.

4. ...it feels really bad and embarassing right now because i'm *behind* and i don't have a lot of academic curiosity right now and i haven't written in forever and i don't like putting words on a page and i have to look these people in the FACE and tell them i'm qualified when i Cold Lasagna Hate Myself 1989! i'm not! up for this! i'm gonna have to drag myself over hot coals and stay up late! and how do i expect to do grad school if this one little thing is making me throw such a giant fit!!!!

hi. oh my god.

babe.

give yourself a hug. literally visit a friend and get a hug if you must. rudely invite yourself to someone's house for emotional support. whatever. i don't care. holy shit.

it is, according to the calculus by which i have always made decisions, okay to feel like HOT GARBAGE while you do things as long as you get them done. you can yell! you can say you're awful, just the worst piece of shit, how dare you exist all you want! "feeling bad in the short term is okay if you feel good in the long term" is not a great life philosophy when applied over *months and months and years and years,* i grant you. but i do not think "twelve hours, tomorrow" is the same thing.

and you can have your friends take you out for ice cream once you get it done.

and this week you'll go teach first and second graders for the first time ever, and prepare some poetry and translations, and fuck up your homework, and probably fail to feel good about your life, but it will be YOUR LIFE. WHICH YOU'VE DECIDED TO LIVE. EVEN IN YOUR DREADFUL BACHELOR STATE OH MY GOD WHAT IS W I T H MY DREAMS

so. go text your IRL friends.

done.

congrats. you have Asked For Help. if your IRL friends cannot provide ask T and then D and then C and then G/E. or a group chat. you never know.

maybe also. call your mom and make a plan. she's probably free.

okay. cool. have Had Some Feelings. seems better. than what i have been doing. go me

go take outfit photos and make apple cider and go to bed

[metamatar]

i've heard good things about a memory called empire so i'm curious. can i ask why you gave it a lowish score?

To restate, I thought the book was decent, not excellent. I plan on reading the sequel! I thought it was a technically impressive debut novel with interesting worldbuilding that stumbled a little because of pacing and some bad poetry. Thematically I had more problems.

My biggest problem was that while it was a novel that wanted to talk about imperialism and indeed was presented as one by the author, it chose the closed elite focused setting of court intrigue. I'll admit I'm harsh on court intrigue because it bores me, and ideologically most of them espouse a Great Man perspective of history so. Imperialism ended up being realised merely as a concern of cultural preservation, with the difference between imperial subject and the core repeatedly becoming a matter of taste over the more interesting concerns of exploitation or agency. Which is also what I hate about diaspora lit, where the individual elite immigrant's sense of cultural alienation is front and center. Hence the reference to Baru, because where the hell is your political economy! Martine also critiqued Seth Dickinson for writing the Maskerade empire as unrealistic because it was too brutal, which makes this choice by Martine make a depressing kind of sense.

I'm admittedly cynical about this but I really dislike when writers write novels about how 'storytelling' or in this case 'poetry' changes the world in dramatic ways. It reads very much as pandering to readers who need to be told that their hobby is important or something. Something Vonnegut quote about Vietnam War artistic opposition having the effect of a custard pie.

That said, the book had more interesting thoughts on the nature of culture/self and consciousness as embedded in memory through the imago machine as a device. The chapters dealing with that in the last third of the book were some of the best SFF writing I've read this year.

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Get to know the writer

Hi! I'm Hunter (he/they) and I'm the writer behind this blog. Here's some stuff I thought you might like to know about me :)

Name? you can call me Hunter which is also part of my name.

Age? 25 :(

Ethnicity/ country? what are you? painfully white and English

Star sign? I'm an aquarius, but only just. Also pisces moon and cancer rising.

Fave hobbies outsite of this blog? I really love writing poetry and have a poetry blog as well (@depressedwordvomit ). I also love reading, crochet, drawing, painting (I'm still new at it), witchcraft, journalling and watching horror films.

Favourite drink/s? Dr pepper, fruit teas, coffee, cream soda and anything raspberry flavoured.

unpopular opinions? progression is a good thing, people aren't "too sensitive" these days, people are just noticing toxic patterns and putting an end to them, empathy goes a long way and looking out for the feelings and safety of others will never be a bad thing.

Why I started this blog? Honestly, I'd never seen any tmnt content, then I saw the bayverse films and fell in love. I thought they were so cool and had all these ideas and no one to talk about them with so I made a community instead.

Any fears or phobias? Heights, loved ones dying and never achieving my goals no matter how hard I try.

Meaning behind my username? I like the tmnt and I'm a freak

sweet or savoury? I'm a savoury boy for life

Last song I listened to? Sit still, look pretty. It just came on spotify, I didn't chose it

Anything else you'd like to know, send me a submission or reply to this post.

Love y'all, stay safe!

[struwberrii]

Hi, I saw the matchup request are open so here i am requesting for one hehe <3

I want a romantic matchup! My pronouns is she/her and I prefer male characters. I’m not an underage so I want to be match with a timeskip character.

My types - I like someone that stable, reliable and very laidback. I want someone that understands my need for personal space and not pushy since i hate it when people tell me what to do. Despite being an extroverts, im not good in communicating my own feelings so i need someone that can communicate well and understand my struggles. I prefer someone introverts but not shy like they can communicate well with others but they’re just not a yapper (leave that job of yapping to me please). I also prefer them to be an act of service kind of person and not a clingy type (i dont mind pda but not too much).

Personalitiy - my mbti is enfj. im an extroverts but i like to have my own space and dont like it when people overstepped my boundaries. peoples says that im very welcoming and friendly despite my rbf which is why people are scared of me when they first met me. i can be very playful, chaotic and i like teasing people. but im very respectful when it comes to others feelings. most people describe me to be easygoing, funny, caring, and mature. I also can be very sarcastic at times but only with people that understand my humour. im good at reading people because im very observant of people behaviour and it always spot on too lmaoo. some says that i have such an inviting energy and that must be why people often come to consult their problem w me and asking for advice though sometimes we barely know each other. im very opinionated but secretive when it comes to my own feelings. I also tend to take care of everyone else first before me (sorry its a habit of being an eldest daughter). im also a chronic people pleaser lol.

Hobbies/Interests - I love reading. I read books, comics, manga, anything that can be read, I’ll read. I also love writing but mainly poetry. I like having a conversation of political and social issues (as long as people keep it civil like i don’t wanna argue lets have a calm conversation). despite being a plus girl, i do play sports like badminton, lawnbowl and sometimes futsal too.

Love language - My love language is act of service and words of affirmation. On a receiving end, I prefer act of service, words of affirmation and receiving gifts. when it comes to receiving gifts, I mean little things as gifts. lmaoo i would be the happiest person if someone even pick up a stone and gifted it to me saying that it remind them of me.

My dream date - I prefer dates like visiting art/history museums, food hunting in cafes/restaurants or anything that is simple and fun.

Sorry this is so long😭 I’ll stop here and I wanna thanks you in advance! Have a nice day <333

match up: tsukishima kei ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

hope you like the match up!! (also this is time skip i just couldnt find a pic of him in this art style post time skip)

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

tsukishima is very sarcastic and cold, but kind to those who are close to him and those he respects (which is hopefully you as his s/o lol). he is also a man of few words. he says all he needs to to get his point across he is DEF not a yapper. i can def see him being a very active and respectful listener when it comes to you, giving good and genuine advice that may be harsh but its always the truth. this also goes hand in hand with communication. he isnt the most expressive person but i can see him being very blunt and out right telling you when something bothers him or if hes uncomfortable with something since he doesnt want it to happen again, i can see him urging you to do the same and break out of your secretive shell since letting emotions build up and not opening up could end up being very bad

I also see him as a very laid back as a partner and pretty trusting for the most part. he would never overstep his boundaries and let you do whatever you please. i also see him as the type of guy who needs alone time to collect his thoughts as well so he would totally understand if you need some time to yourself as well.

he is DEF a nerd too i mean did we see how bro was fitted up and acting in high school? he would absolutely be coming to you with manga or comic suggestions or asking fro suggestions from you.

I can see him being a very deep and philosophical person behind that salty exterior and probably would love to read your writing and try to break down and understand whatever deeper or hidden message is hiding behind the words you wrote. this can also extend to date ideas, picking out art pieces and trying to understand how one another interpret the piece would be such a fun day for the two of you, plus super cute instagram pictures, i know he does NOT play about his instagram feed.

I see him as the type of guy who only needs to be told something once before he gets the message and just overall being very attentive and understanding to those he cares about and also being very protective over you. he doesnt tolerate any disrespect twoards you and its adorable <3

[anxiousgaypanicking]

Comfort Items

Part Three: Baggage Synopsis: Twin princes had been cursed centuries ago, forced to become mere items and subjected to whatever their owners wanted them to endure. Cuddles, pressure, or even being tossed out or passed down, until they could overcome their own arrogance and learn what it's like to love and to be loved, in all senses of the word. Ships: Intrulogical/Roceit Taglist: @arodynamic-enby @arizona-tate @asdfghjklicia @hypnossanders @transmanrayner @under-the-blue-moonlight

The older twin prince had the entire world spoon-fed to him, with the utensil being made out of only the finest silver. Everywhere he went he was reminded of his inevitable fate - that of which to be crowned and clothed in gold and jewels, and being handed control over everything and everyone.

So, he decided he could use his status. 

He would dress up and look down on the citizens that he was supposed to be caring for. He would sneak them into the garden and recite poetry while on his knees. One by one he would kiss their knuckles, and one by one he would shatter their hearts. Their pain was exhilarating, and he loved their cries of desperation. They loved him. They needed him. 

Around town, people could hear him beckoning, that love was a hole in their hearts that he could easily fill, promising splendors and fun and a tragic ending. 

And this was a story children were told. And children told their children. And everyone knew it. So it was fabled.

…

He’s alive. He’s alive and not ripped to shreds. He’s alive.

“The purpose of poetry is to convey and evoke certain emotions while keeping a somewhat ambiguous tone throughout. Melancholic but rhythmic.” 

Janus scoffs at the description. “That’s not always true. Some people write poetry in order to express themselves or the hardships they’re dealing with. Not everything has hidden meanings; some things can be written for the sole purpose of being blunt.” 

Logan eyes him. “Is that the kind of poetry you write?”

“What makes you think I write poetry?” 

“You’re defensive,” Logan states. “You also know a lot about the subject, and you’re simply poetic by nature. If you don’t write poetry, I recommend you take it up as a hobby. You’d be good at it.” 

Once more, Janus scoffs. “Yeah, sure. Perhaps I will.” 

He’s alive. He’s alive, and wasn’t handed to some spoiled, jam-covered kid. He’s alive.

Logan adjusts his backpack, turning to the side to avoid touching a group of kids crowded in the hallway. His bag then hits somebody’s arm, and they shoot Logan a scowl. Logan utters an apology, but otherwise keeps walking. 

“Why is your bag bigger than normal?” Janus asks, as they round a corner. He’s looking back at Logan’s bag, which seems stretched past its usual limits (which is already an impressive feat, considering the folders and textbooks he already keeps in there). 

Logan looks embarrassed at the question, but clears his throat as he mumbles “Remus is in there.” 

Janus snickers, adjusting his own bag. “Really, Logan? Bringing toys to school?” Janus teases, and watches as Janus huffs and rolls his eyes. 

Little does Logan know, Roman is snugly packed into Janus’s bag as well, it’s just not as obvious. 

Janus frankly didn’t see the point in bringing every textbook he was given to school; he hardly used them. Why waste the extra space? 

“If anybody sees, you’ll never hear the end of it,” Janus then states, which has Logan sighing. 

“I know, I know,” Logan sighs, as he adjusts the straps of his bag. “I just felt bad about leaving him at home!” Logan bites his lip as they head into the classroom, and is even careful when setting his bag down. “I’ve never owned a stuffed animal before. Even when I was little, my parents preferred building blocks and books over plush toys.” 

“Separation anxiety?” Janus blinks his eyelashes mockingly, and grins when Logan huffs. 

“I don’t have separation anxiety, especially over a stuffed animal. That’s absurd.” Logan clears his throat, before making a waving motion with his hand, sweeping across the hallway. “Now, back to the topic at hand: poetry.”

“Logan, please, I’m not going to get into poetry.”

Logan looks as though he wants to stomp his foot on the ground. “I’m not saying you have to, I’m just saying that you might find some enjoyment out of it, whether that be through writing or reading it.”

“Oh yeah? Then name a poem right now that you think I’d like.” 

Stopping in his tracks, Logan looks at Janus like he’s absurd. “What?”

Janus smiles smugly. “You heard me.”

“You’re putting me on the spot. I can’t just… come up with a poem I think you’d like.” 

Smiling as though he’s won - despite having made no actual argument at all - Janus shrugs and proclaims “there. Poetry is not for me. End of discussion.” 

They move into a classroom, and sit down side by side. Both of them gingerly set their bags onto the floor, but neither of them notice their care echoed in the other. That is, until Logan struggles to press his bag against his desk enough for it not to present as an obstacle to people walking past. Someone’s bound to trip on the bulging backpack, and Logan would rather not have that happen. 

“If you’d just left Remus at home, you wouldn’t be having this issue.”

“I’m just worried my parents will see it and believe it to be… misplaced. Or lost.” Logan presses his fingers together, looking away from Janus’s playfully judgemental eyes as he speaks. “They might try and donate it, and I won’t be home to offer them the explanation that I’d fixed it up and was intending to… keep it. Or something.” 

“Your parents are hardly ever even home.” 

Logan’s lips quirk into a frown, as he stares at his hands, which he folds neatly on his desk. “They come home sometimes.”

Janus leans against his hand, resting his cheek against his knuckles as he adds “and when they are, they usually retreat into their room, and go right to sleep.”

“They work long hours.” Logan adjusts his glasses. “You try performing surgeries or practicing law, and then tell me how often you’re home and awake.” 

“I don’t even have a job and I’m hardly ever even home as is,” Janus retorts. “Your house is much nicer, anyway. Did I tell you I’m pretty sure we have termites?”

If the bear in Janus’s bag could scream, it would. Sure, Janus’s voice was muffled through the thick material of the backpack, but that didn’t mean he was completely unintelligible. And though Janus looked put together and well-groomed, Roman didn’t want to be stuck in a house with a bug infestation! Termites?!

“You did not.” 

Janus huffs, and twirls a chipped faux-gold ring on one of his fingers. “I don’t know if we’ll be able to call a pest control company.” 

“If you need money-”

Janus stares at Logan. Logan abruptly stops talking, and sighs as he turns back to his desk with a muttered “right.” 

There’s silence between them, but not in the classroom, as it slowly starts to fill with students eager to chat, and annoyed to learn. One of them accidentally kicks Janus’s bag on their way to their seat, making Janus quickly scramble to gather it up and glare at the kid. 

“Idiot,” Janus hisses, as he adjusts the zipper on the bag. It’s Janus’s fiddling that admittedly draws Logan’s attention to the item, which has him noticing it looks… fuller than usual. 

“Did you take an extra textbook home with you or something?”

“Hm?” 

Janus glances between Logan and the bag, before a light pink blush quickly spreads over Janus’s cheeks. He quickly says “yes,” before clearing his throat and more calmly adding “I’ve got to get better grades if I’m going to make it anywhere in life,” but his response leaves Logan unimpressed. 

Raising an eyebrow at the display, Logan holds his hand out. Begrudgingly, Janus forks over his bag. 

Logan opens it without asking - which, frankly, Janus expected he’d do - and gasps as he peeks inside and sees Roman’s soft red fur. Lip jutting out in disapproval, Logan looks between it and Janus, before stating “and you had the audacity to criticize me? Hypocrite.” 

“I told you! Termites!” Janus snatches his bag back, and reaches inside to pet over Roman’s head before he quickly zips the bag back up. “I don’t want the bear that… I am holding on to-”

“Nice save.”

“-to be covered in bugs! That’s disgusting.”

Logan adjusts his glasses, smug as ever. “Uh-huh. Will that be your excuse tomorrow, too?”

“It’s better than yours.”

Logan gives an unimpressed smile, before the teacher walks in, and punctually addresses the class. Immediately, Janus slides his phone out and hides it beneath the desk, while Logan leans forward in his seat, clearly invested in whatever their teacher has to say. 

Stuffed in their bags, both bears are thinking completely different things. While Roman is intensely focused on the muffled mention of “termites” he’s heard exchanged between the two men holding onto them, Remus is more shocked that both him and his brother have persisted the test of time. 

Sure, at first he believed this stupid curse would only last a few years and they’d come out of this with minimal harm done and a life lesson or something, but it’s been way more than a few years. So much time that Remus couldn’t even guesstimate how long they’ve been alive. If being confined into an inanimate prison even qualified as being alive - Remus wasn’t really sure it did. 

But, having also experienced his fabric being torn, he was aware that pain was real, and it was intense. So much so he couldn’t even deem it pleasurable, as each tear in his plush body felt like an open wound until it was thankfully stitched shut (and even still, the needle felt giant as it slid in and out of him). 

Surely, if pain was still possible, death was too. 

And Roman wasn’t dead! That’s what fascinated him. He’s alive. He’s alive, Remus thought, the two words looping in his mind as his beady eyes were forced to stare at the thick material surrounding him, feeling the pressure of being squished between books and folders alike. 

Roman could have been ripped up, thrown to a dog, shipped overseas; he could have been an unfortunate byproduct to circumstances outside of his control. And yet, out of sheer luck , he was tucked safely into the bag directly across from him. 

But, well, Roman wouldn’t call that luck. He’d define it as “fate.” 

After he gets over his internal screaming over termites, he begins thinking as a way to block out the annoying droning of their teacher that he can hear even through Janus’s bag. 

It makes him think of being home, all those years ago, drooling over a beautifully carved table as intelligent wizards and so-called doctors would come and speak to him and Remus, attempting to teach them things they very simply just didn’t want to learn. Those men would always get so angry with the two of them. Roman doesn’t miss that one aspect of life one bit. 

But even being forced to listen to the incomprehensible philosophies of men in weird cloaks would beat being unable to do anything at all. No speaking, singing, dancing; no method of creating or sculpting things, which absolutely beat Roman’s heart to a pulp. 

He aches to create. He aches to build. He aches to do anything but sit and wait until this owner passes him along to the next, who gives him to the next, who eventually donates him again. 

Maybe, though, just maybe - and Roman truly does put emphasis on that word, as it’s a struggle for him to get his hopes up after centuries of disappointment - the fact that he and Remus were brought together once more was some sort of sign. Some blessing from the stars above that perhaps their freedom was just around the corner. Just a couple of days, maybe a week even, away. An arm’s length. 

Fate. Much better than luck.  

***

A slur is shouted in Logan’s general direction, and Logan was truly starting to wish his parents didn’t need both of the cars they owned. He had a license, but with no vehicle to drive, it was admittedly useless. 

But the group of kids stalking behind them saw Janus and Logan walking the sidewalk together as an invitation to be imbeciles, it seemed. 

“You think they’d grow out of this,” Logan mutters, as he ignores a snide comment regarding his body type. He’d heard all of their insults before, and while they might affect someone else, Logan genuinely could care less about what his classmates had to say. He’d seen their test scores, and thus would take any statement made by them with a metaphorical grain of salt. “Or at least get some new material.” 

“I mean, throwing you in the dumpster was new.” 

Logan glances at Janus, as a smile slowly spreads onto his lips. “And impressive. You wouldn’t think kids that scrawny would be capable of lifting an air mattress, let alone a whole person.”

A sudden thud alerts Logan to the fact a rock has hit his bag, which has his lips falling immediately into a more annoyed frown. Janus looks at the rocks on the side of the road. 

“I could always toss one back.” 

Logan shakes his head. “They’re not worth it; you’ll just encourage their behavior. They’re being childish.” 

Another rock is tossed at them, hitting Janus’s bag this time. 

“Yeah, well, they’re pissing me off.” 

Janus moves to turn around, perhaps shout at them or something, but Logan grabs his upper arm and holds him steady. Firmly, Logan responds with “no, Janus. Stop it. Unless you want them to follow us around the entirety of senior year, it’s best to just ignore it. They’ll get bored of us eventually.” 

Truly, it was mystifying how some other kids their age - almost legal adults - could still be so immature. Logan believed that bullying should have died out four years ago, back in junior high, but clearly some people just had nothing better to do. 

How Janus and Logan became targets of that bullying was a mystery in itself. Both of them generally kept to themselves; Janus didn’t like people (for reasons that seemed very obvious as he and Logan are followed down the street), and Logan typically preferred people he could have intelligent conversations with (which eliminated a majority of the people they went to school with). 

The two of them pass two large houses, and nudge each other in the direction of their backyards. They slip between the houses, and hop one of their fences, cutting through their yards in order to skip a block over, to Logan’s street. 

There’s no car in Logan’s driveway when they reach it, but neither of the two boys expected there to be. 

The house is silent as they make their way up the stairs and into Logan’s bedroom, but the serenity is quickly cut off by Janus groaning as he falls face first onto Logan’s bed. 

“I hate people.” 

Logan lets out a closed mouth laugh, though it’s less amused and more deflated, as he sets his bag against the side of his bed and crouches down to pull Remus out. “You’re being dramatic. Certainly there’s some people you like. Like me.” 

“You’re pushing your luck,” Janus responds, rolling onto his side to watch Logan set Remus against his pillow. Janus stares at the bear as Logan zips his bag back up, and then moves it to the side of his desk instead. Janus pokes Remus’s stomach right as Logan turns around, which has Logan setting his arm between Janus and the stuffed animal. 

“Hey! Don’t jab him.” 

Janus snorts, before he fetches Roman too. He sits up in order to set Roman on his lap, making the bears face each other. Logan slides behind Remus, and sits him up too, wrapping his arms around Remus and squeezing tightly. Remus feels pressure build up in his body, but strangely it doesn’t feel bad. He still mentally sticks his tongue out at the affection though, wishing this creep his age (or, what would be his age if he hadn’t existed as a plush toy for a couple hundred years) would get a hobby aside from fetching stuffed animals from a dumpster. 

“We look like we’re set up for a tea party,” Janus quips, as he holds Roman loosely in his arms. Despite Janus’s supposed indifference towards the bear, it looks to be in good condition. The bright white prince suit the bear is in seems to be even more pristine than it was when Janus had first found the bear. Perhaps he washed it? 

And once more, Remus and Roman are facing each other. Directly across from one another, and unable to say a word. 

Luck. 

Fate.

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

oh my goodness :D hi hi hi!!!! i lit just found your blog and saw you do ships which is like soooo cute omgggg!!! soooo… i was wondering if i could get a match up too? 🤭

anywayyyysss, my name is Lalia! i’m 15 and turning 16 in september. I go by she/her and i’m pansexual. I am of south east asian and white descent (happy aapi month wooo!!!) here are some other physical attributes: 5’3ft tall and slim; i have short black hair (but i’m gonna dye it red over the summer); i have big eyes that are dark brown; and i never go outside so im pretty pale😭

my personality on the other hand is not as easy to describe as my appearance… ive taken a lot of personality tests that often describe me as: introverted, listening, creative, logical, thoughtful, determined, daydreaming, and melancholic. i don’t think that my personality is good or bad; in fact, i think that i am a true neutral. I also feel things very deeply, which has led me to be in situations where my feelings get out of control causing something bad to happen (like me ending up in the hospital and psych ward💀). BUT IM OKAY!!! i have anxiety medication and go to therapy lollll. But even though i keep to myself, i still like to talk to people and do things like acting, singing, dancing, and just performing in general!!! i actually love love LOVE to sing and play my guitars sm<33 but some of my other hobbies include writing books or poetry by myself or reading and drawing :3 i do believe that i am confident/ bold but i also tend to be pretty shy around people i don’t know. maybe cuz in middle school i was bullied a lot??? 😭 but i feel like that experience helped me to gain a lot of empathy for people who don’t fit in either,, so i always try my best to always be kind and stick up for people!! But yeah, im really excited for summer cuz i hate school and i never try but i still get all A’s :D

ERM ANYWAYS… idk why im yapping sm SORRYYYYY and TYSM FOR DOING THIS i hope you have a good day/night!! <3

Happy aapi month! Also about being in the psych ward or the hospital, I just wanna let you know that it has a lot of really nasty stereotypes and people who go to psych wards are honestly just cool because they care about their mental health and the fact that you found help and made yourself go or you know, even just didn’t refuse to go I’m really proud of you because it means that you’re taking care of the beautiful person that you are so Never be ashamed or let anyone call you crazy for any up in a psych ward or hospital because it just means that you were prioritizing you and for that it just means that you are very self-aware and I love you Pookie. I love you for prioritizing your mental health. 

Your Outsiders Ship: Ponyboy Curtis!

Explanation: I think he loves your short black hair and your eyes and think that it’s adorable that you’re so pale from never going outside. I personally think that he’s more on the tan side because I think he spends a lot of time outside but I think the contrast between you guys would be pretty hilarious. you seem like the type of girl that he would be very interested in in the fact that you are very thoughtful. Kind of more quiet. I think that you remind him of kind of a more academically based or you know deep thinking Johnny like that’s kind of the vibes I’m getting from you and I think that he would absolutely be in love with that. He usually take things from a logical standpoint and less emotionally so he would absolutely get that and I feel like you guys would have really deep meaningful productive conversations with each other that are interesting. Like I feel like you guys could be putting in room and you would never get bored of talking to each other because you would just be so invested in your conversation and you guys would have pretty good banter too. He also feels things incredibly deeply so I feel like you know he’s the most “” sensitive greaser so I think he would really get that and kind of you guys would get each other away that really no one else in the time period Can understand. He loves it when you sing and dance and thinks it’s pretty amusing he would definitely go to all of your shows and you really loudly or at least really loudly and I feel like he would be so proud afterwards and walk you home with the biggest grin on his face and he would also help you with acting. I don’t know why but I think he’s a surprisingly good actor. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s pretty good at character and analysis but I think that he’s a great actor and could help you out with your performances. He’s also into reading drawing and writing so I feel like that’s something that you guys could do together something kind of cute like you guys can make a little comic together or something like that and reading and music dates. You would absolutely have a lot of. he’s kind of similar in the fact where he doesn’t really love school, but he does get all A’s because he doesn’t want to disappoint his brother anyway you guys are cute and honestly, I didn’t have to think very hard about this because you guys are so similar, and I think you guys would be great for each other, you guys also have a habit of both always always standing up for the underdog and things like that so I think you guys could relate in that aspect of having similar kind of morals and values. 💚💚

[hephaestiions]

Hello! 18, 24 & 29 :)

thank you for the ask, anon, these were fun!!

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic.

from Every Breath You Take, an earlier cut, when the relationship between harry and draco, in the aftermath of an already failed marriage wasn't total silence, but relentless arguments about nothing. i scrapped it (and then changed the dynamic in general) because the dialogue felt both clunky and chunky, neither of which i try to go for when writing people speak:

“Do you find joy in being this hateful? Did this stupid fucking hold-up— I have a job, Draco, Merlin, what was the goddamn point— at least tell me it made you happy. That all this rotten rubbish I put up with every day is worth something in that twisted little head of yours, that you smile for a second thinking, yeah, I ruined Harry's breakfast, pat on my fucking back." “Fuck you! Happy? Happy, really, Harry? I haven't been happy in years! Not in years! Is that— is that good enough for you? To know I am just as miserable here as you, I get nothing out of any of this—" "Why do it at all, then?" Harry asks, throwing his hands up and spinning on his heel. He goes and rests his head against a pillar in the living room. If he weren't furious, he'd appreciate how ridiculous he looks right now. Muffled into the wall, he says, "If you're so fucking miserable—" "There's one thing," Draco says with a watery laugh that doesn't carry much humour at all. He stalks over to where Harry's standing and tugs on his robes until he's facing Draco and his endless, endless rage, always his rage, never— Jesus. Draco leans in and jabs his pointer finger into Harry's chest. "There's one thing I've been good at all my life, and it's riling you up. You think— what? A marriage fails, and I just— what? Let the opportunity go?"

24. how do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

the short, unhelpful answer is i try to go out and live my life. the slightly longer, still probably unhelpful, but wordier answer is: i go out on the lawns and spend the late afternoon fading into dusk reading books on the grass, i go to town with my friends and enjoy how the world looks when we're all giggling and tipsy, i focus on finishing things i've been procrastinating on, i clean my room and my desk and my wardrobe and i throw out half my things to make space for new ideas, i pick up new hobbies and i hyperfixate on some new fascination and find out everything i can about it, i sit in cafes and public transport and art galleries and take little notes on what people are doing and what they're saying and how they're living their lives, i write bad poetry and laugh about it, i sing terrible songs and laugh about it, i start some embroidery wips and look at them with great affection knowing i'll never finish them. and after months, or maybe even years of not sitting at the keyboard or picking up a pen to do more than write two lines of floating ideas, i think to myself— imagine if that thing was to happen. and imagine if that other thing was to happen right after. imagine, imagine, imagine, and suddenly the imagination can't be contained anymore, spilling out all over my hands.

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

quite difficult if i'm trying to find a title from within the fic— i'm awful with wordplay of the smart & referential kind that makes for good titles. but usually, i have some song on repeat while writing a fic or a poem that comes to me in fragments, and i pick a lyric/line from there and it's the easiest part of the process.

send me some more fic writer asks while i procrastinate on my assignments!

[runeseaks]

✨Writeblr Intro✨

Hello! (Finally getting around to doing this lol.) I’m fairly new to actually using tumblr, and not just viewing other people’s posts, so have mercy on me as I learn what the hell I’m doing lol. DMs, feedback, and advice welcome!

ABOUT ME 🖋

Name: Ren or Rune

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Physically tired, mentally still kicking (20s)

Hobbies: Writing, reading, drawing, photography, video games, and I’ve dabbled in cosplay. I love crafting things and learning new skills.

Favorite punctuation: Ellipses… [I’m sorry, in advance.]

And I’m aroace as fuh. 💚🤍🖤🤍💜

MY WRITING ⚔

Primarily write new adult or adult fantasy of the character driven variety, and include many human and non-human characters (vampires, demons, fae, and other immortal beings...). [Disclaimer that the demons I write are not of the religious variety, and could just as easily be called fae or aliens. I just chose demon as a catch-all term. They are non-human and quite varied and/or inspired by mythical creatures.]

🏳‍🌈 Naturally, many of my characters are LGBTQIA+ in some way. And a good number of my non-humans do not necessarily follow human constructs (of sex and gender and all those lovely things).

🔥 I’ve started dabbling in romance and spicy content. I may not be sexual, but some of my characters definitely are, so, y’know. Tumblr of spice: https://www.tumblr.com/runewilde. Twitter of spice: @RuneWilde. [18+ only, please]

I do try to post content warnings for any potentially sensitive topics. Feel free to let me know if I miss any.

Many of my current WIPs take place within the same universe.

I actually do like poetry in the times when I’ve been forced to write it lol—which might sound strange. It’s not something I typically write in my spare time, but sometimes it just happens…  

WIPS

🔥 Playing with Fire (1st person retrospective, character driven, adult, fantasy) Includes morally grey characters galore, dark themes, and family struggles. Alcander’s younger years as he grows into a notorious killer—with the help of a few bad influences—and digs himself into a deep hole he may never escape. 

🐺 The Hunter’s Dog (1st person retrospective, character driven, adult, fantasy with some slowburn romance) After the events of Playing with Fire. It took nearly 200 years, but Alcander starts to realize how deep of a hole his past self dug. Just when he can no longer see any way out, he meets a Hunter willing to give him a hand [kinda sus]. Can the Hunter pull Alcander out or will Alcander drag the Hunter down with him? [I do have 2 chapters of this posted on Medium, but I plan on majorly reworking it, so… lol.]    

🧛‍♀️💘 Untitled (3rd person, adult, fantasy, historical romance) How Alcander’s parents, a demon and a vampire, fell in love in the early 1800s despite opposition. Claudia Revell was never one for doing as she was told. So, when her father tell her demons should be avoided, the headstrong vampire waltzes directly into the demon district to find out why. Little did she know she'd find herself entranced by the very beings her father despises and doing everything in her power to keep it a secret. It can only end well.  

Various Shorts:

I have a few different short form projects… Most are character driven, many are episodic, and so far all connect to the same main world (all the main characters tend to know each other in some capacity). 

Reluctant Service [18+] (3rd person, M/M, erotic fantasy… I hesitate to say romance for reasons lol) Another spicy short fic, involving Leon (asexual) and Eras (some sort of sexual). There will be other shorts with them, but I haven’t decided a ‘main title’ for the stories involving them. They have a rather dark dynamic at it’s core, so be warned.

Untitled [18+] Tales of an incubus sex worker [Alcander’s uncle, Lysander]. Will be spicy and potentially have dark themes at times. Definitely will be more episodic. [I need more confidence with this genre and subject matter, before I feel capable of writing this lol.]

Definitely some shorts involving Alcander, spicy or not, that aren’t necessarily going to be included in his main WIPs. 

[marshmallowprotection]

Ooooh matchups? I'm curious, if you don't mind!

I look like MC if she had green eyes and glasses. I don't go out much due to asthma and an orthopedic issue that causes pain sometimes, but I like to stay inside.

I enjoy playing videogames most, reading non-fiction, and drawing is a fun hobby too, though I mostly stick to sketched things instead of full works. I love to write poetry too sometimes. My favorite hobby is self teaching languages. I've always wanted to get into computer science and coding, but I'm too scared and not confident enough to know where to start.

I usually keep to myself to have fun. It's what I've always been used to. I don't have any siblings and I struggled a lot growing up with bullying. I was kept close to home with helicopter parents (with good intentions of course, considering my school experiences) and so I never really learned how to socialize.

I didn't have any friends my age, and when I DID talk to other kids, I could never... connect? I always felt different, always walking on eggshells watching what I'd say or how I acted, always wanting to be a people pleaser but never be myself, anything just to be wanted by someone. It never really worked out.

Now that I'm in college (I'm studying ecology!), I have this social freedom that I never really got as a kid. My freshman year I had no idea what I was doing. Something more social than high school? (Which I attended not one single dance or event for in all four years (I was doomed.)) My parents told me they just wanted me to finally be happy and to have good experiences. I didnt know how to do that. If I couldn't please my parents in the social department, I could do what I do best- be a study hermit and an obsessive perfectionist at the sacrifice of my physical and mental health. If I could be perfect academically, I'd be worth something as a child then, right?

...

It took a year to learn that that was a big mistake too.

I'm... getting better with that. Slowly but surely.

After some therapy, I'm learning to open up more. I've made a decently large group of friends (I have no idea how). I'm getting used to being involved in things now, and go out on outings, and have conversations.

I'm still too scared to do some things, and I'm still a bit too buried in my perfectionist study issues, but all this new stuff feels nice for once, despite it all being so foreign.

I'm still finding out who I am, so this description of myself was probably a bit vague, but I figured it's worth a shot nonetheless. Sorry if long, I get carried away writing a lot of the times ;-;

I match you with...

Jumin!

You're somebody who doesn't quite understand the rest of the world. It's not a bad thing, it just means you have difficulty seeing the ways that people adapt and communicate. In some ways, it gives you a bit of a benefit because you don't see the bias or the conflict that can arise in relationships. In other ways, it makes you feel like you're behind schedule and that you're not working fast enough to be at the point that your social peers are.

Once you've learned not to compare yourself to others, you don't need to worry about a thing. All you need to do is go at your own pace and find people that understand you the way that you are. In that sense, that's why the perfect choice for you is somebody you like Jumin. You probably wouldn't believe it but he struggles with the same thing. His upbringing kept him from interacting with other people in most capacities. He may be able to seem like he is an expert at communication, but that isn't really the case. People don't understand him the way that he can understand them. There might be a feeling of similarity in that for you. You might find him to be a kindred spirit. Somebody who knows where you're coming from when you feel you're most vulnerable. He gets it in a way that nobody else ever could.

That's why you'd feel the safest with him. There's no rush to be anybody or anything. You just get to be yourself with him and he the same with you. There isn't a push to communicate or be something you're not. You get to talk about the things you love and see what makes the other person tick. He is also someone who enjoys being a homebody, but it's even better now that he has the right person at home. It doesn't feel as lonely when he looks over from the book he's reading to see that you're sitting there with him. It's almost poetic in a way. Maybe you'll enjoy that with him just as much as he does with you.

[cloudii-reads]

artwork credit to: nellseto.mp3 on instagram !! created via their picrew <3

About The Reviewer 2023 !!

featuring Rain !!

1. What are some basics about me?:

Feel free to refer to me as either Rain, Cloud, or Cloudii! I use they/them pronouns, my birthday is December 26, and I’m interested in a variety of content/hobbies besides reading! I love writing short stories and creating OC’s in my free time, and a few of the things I’m most interested in would be Genshin Impact, Sanrio, Pokemon (both the games and card collecting,) and practically anything relating to the ocean and fish! I’m also a full time college student and aspiring to become a librarian! :)

2. What are my favorite genres?:

Nowadays, I typically find myself reading fantasy and literary fiction, however I do really enjoy cozy mysteries and magical realism! I also do love reading the odd non-fiction book here and there if it’s about a topic I find interesting, so usually fish, the ocean, or books as a general rule of thumb! I also adore reading books with solid lgbtqia+ representation!

3. What are my favorite books so far this year?:

So I’ve read quite a few books already this year that’s made it in my “all time favorites” category, but I’ll be limiting it to my top three for the sake of this question, haha.

1. The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman

- A charming opening book to a series about old people solving murders! I had the audiobook playing in the background as I was reading a physical copy, and it really made the experience for me! I don’t normally listen to audiobooks since I can get really picky with voice acting and how it sounds, but I think that the VA for this book did a wonderful job! <3

2. Good Omens : The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

- To simply put it, the apocalypse is coming and it’s just a silly time. I absolutely ADORE this book (along with the show, in which I highly recommend watching !! Season two is breaking my heart, why Neil, WHY) and it’s pretty much absorbed my entire existence. Like The Thursday Murder Club, I listened to the full cast audiobook while reading along with the physical copy and.. holy moly. Season two may have broken my soul in two, but at least I can pretend like everything’s fine by listening to the audiobook with the actual book !!

3. Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

- When I tell you that I practically cried ugly tears over this book, let me tell you, I cried BAD. This novel, as a queer person, made me feel so seen and heard, especially as the book follows the perspective of a trans girl, Katrina, and omg. It honestly just felt like Ryka took a part of my own soul and shoved it into the pages because I related to her struggles and story so, so much. Basically this whole book is just filled with all kinds of heart breaking stuff, and I absolutely loved it for that. Highly recommend looking more into it if you’re interested in reading it, though definitely take a look at the trigger warnings before going in!

4. What are my favorite and least favorite tropes?:

My favorite tropes absolutely have to be found family (as a general rule of thumb) and slow burn for romance! As for my least favorite tropes, I cannot STAND surprise pregnancy and fake dating, both are just really big ick’s for me.

5. What are some of my bookish goals for the year?:

So far, my basic reading goal is to read 25 books this year! The number’s a bit low since I started really getting back into reading a bit late into the year, but I’ll say I’m pretty settled into completing my goal so far, having read 15 books so far. Besides that, I want to try and read a more varied set of genres besides what I normally would read. Due to that, I’ve been trying to get into more non-fiction and I’m thinking of getting into poetry eventually, oh and recommendations would be really appreciated! This isn’t limited to just non-fiction and poetry but any genre, I’m always looking to expand on what I read! :)

[maybeinanotherworld]

Thank you for the tag!!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Nope! My uncle suggested my name and my parents liked it

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Yesterday, during therapy lmao-

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Oh god no I am 20 (nearly 21) I absolutely could not handle that- I don't think I ever want them but that's a different conversation methinks

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I used to play basketball but I was quite profoundly bad at it lmao- I also got into sprinting for a while but I didn't do it for very long. Not a very sporty person in general lol

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Oh 100%- I'm very sarcastic irl and sometimes it's a problem lmao, not so much online but I think it slips out now and then

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Oooh I don't know actually, their face probably? I've never really thought about it tbh

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOR?

Hazel

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Oooooh I love a good scary movie! My impulse is to just go "why not both-" though

ANY TALENTS?

I play the piano and ukulele! I was also a choir kid for a while so I guess music lmao (mezzo gang rise up-)

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

South India but I don't feel comfortable being any more specific lmao

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

I paint and sketch a fair bit! I like writing short stories and poetry, from time to time, and I've been getting back into reading regularly and that's been nice too.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

I do not! My sister has a dog that I adore and I dogsit a fair bit when I go to visit her but I don't have any pets of my own.

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'2'' or about 157 cm (I am quite short lmao)

FAVOURITE SUBJECT?

Physics which is also what I'm studying at uni! I also really enjoyed Biology and English in highschool.

DREAM JOB?

Some combination of physicist and writer! (I just want to be a physics version of dr. temperance brennan, I think).

tags! no pressure whatsoever- @macaro-mochi @cha-mij @reakeebz

thank you @lilolilyr for tagging me <3

15 Questions for 15 Friends

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

A character in the Bible lol my parents just slightly altered the spelling

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Like half an hour ago when I re-watched Handsome Devil and Andrew Scott's character (Dan) told Nicholas Galitzines character (Conor) that being gay gets easier and Conor asked Dan why he still hides it then and Dan tears up and uaargh Andrew Scott being a tired sad gay just gets me every single time, okay?

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

no

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED

I can copy half of yours here @lilolilyr :D I did Judo, horse riding and handball when I was younger. Also gymnastics as a child and Tai-Do in uni for 2 semesters

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

ye

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

hair and clothes I think. cause you can choose these most of the time and it's how people express themselves

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOR?

I just recently learned that you call them hazel I think? when they're green with brown/red/yellow?

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings

ANY TALENTS?

I can say any German word that I know how to spell backwards in seconds

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

at home actually

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

music, concerts, TV series and films, cuddling, sleeping

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

my parents have a cat (Simba my beloved) and soon a cat will move in here (Dipsi, I hope you'll be cuddlier than what your owner said ( don't think that sentence makes sense but my head hurts and I'm tired)

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

162,5cm

FAVOURITE SUBJECT?

English and German and I also liked Pedagogics and Psychology

DREAM JOB?

idk man...I do like teaching but I hate the conditions and the institution behind it...I don't think I really know right now

I tag @panicatthesocialmedia, @ne0n-and-fucking-garbage, @pommy-granite, @myceliumgirl, @thriceandonce, @gabetheunknown , @fenrir-flamekeeper , @amiko-pan , @gamer-shrimp-buoy , @further-than-forever , @sch4r4 , @jupitervega , @berg-gry , @milverton and @vorschlaghannah

and as always, I also tag everyone who reads this and wants to do it :)

(also I tagged many people I have never tagged before so PLEASE don't feel pressured and tell me if you don't want me to tag you in the future <3)

Blank copy for easier copy-pasting under the cut:

15 Questions for 15 Friends

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOR?

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

ANY TALENTS?

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

FAVOURITE SUBJECT?

DREAM JOB?

[visionmarred-archive]

Shepherds of Haven Recruit Form

thinking about my boy lately and everybody else did this so why not me :^) template by @shepherds-of-haven​​! one should read it if they haven’t! it’s great!

minor spoilers for the alpha demo

(face claim: Ruba Wilson)

Biographical Info

Name, Nicknames: Tysinno Maratis, sometimes called “Tysi” by friends

Callsign: Cure

Gender: cis man

Sexuality: biromantic demisexual

Pronouns: he/him

Age: 28 years old

Background Info

Weapon: guns

Magic Specialization: Elae (Healer)

Racial Heritage, Birthplace: Hunter heritage, presumed born in Maj (but who knows?)

Education: Circle taught

Miscellaneous Info

Past Jobs: bodyguard for hire, sailor, farm hand, shop hand, accountant (is that a thing a medieval-esque dude can be when he doesn’t stay in one city for too long? we’ll roll with it), various odd jobs

Likes: art, both creating and discussing. literature. learning things. cats of any kind. clothes shopping. he’s a goth mage with an interest in the morbid and bizarre of the world.

Dislikes: friggin snobby nobles and the Autarchy. gossip for the sake of being hurtful (which he can be hypocritical about, because he’ll definitely engage in that if he dislikes somebody enough.)

Strengths: usually composed and calm in most situations, with exceptions of course. compassionate and caring, and good at making people feel calm and safe. good at thinking things through in a logical way. gifted with his magic. knows how to heal people without magic, and how to mix up potions for the occasion.

Weaknesses: incredibly self-loathing and blames himself for what happened to Maj, and has a hard time not seeing himself as bad luck for people that he cares about and who care about him. depending on the situation, that self-loathing or his frustration with the world can influence his decisions, and not necessarily for the better. physically a limp noodle and definitely won’t be winning any strength contests anytime soon.

Hobbies/Special Skills: painting and sketching, writing (prefers poetry that he will never let another living soul read tysm), letting cats into his room even though Blade said that’s against the rules. enjoys gardening when he gets the chance. Tysinno also possesses one heck of a poker face and composure in most situations, which translates well to gambling.

DnD Morality Alignment: chaotic-good

Meyers-Briggs Personality Type: INFJ-T

Personality

(Bold which way your recruit leans.)

Heart of Gold/Will of Iron

Rebellious/Loyal

Independent/Social

Tactful/Straightforward

Bold/Cautious

Charming/Stoic/Intimidating

Witty/Sincere (depends ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Resentful/Forgiving

Self-Preserving/Self-Sacrificing

Book-Smart/Street-Smart

One-God/Atheist/Old Faith

Relationships

Best Friend(s):

Shery - calm and loving soul who deserves good things. somebody to have chill discussions with while they gush over cats and drink tea together. romance novel reading friends.

Chase - Tysinno’s kinda surprised about this one because he keeps to himself and Chase is Chase LOL but their friendship is surprisingly solid! Chase brings him out of his shell and helps him to have fun. may or may not have thought Chase was cute for a bit there, but their relationship is firmly platonic.

Briony - see above but with less surprise lol. they bonded in the arena and they’ve been close ever since.

Preferred Mission Partner(s):

he’s generally chill with working with anybody if they’re right for the job, but probably feels most at ease around Ayla and his closest friends.

Friendly Rival(s):

Halek - if anybody fits the bill then prooobably Halek? but idk if I’d even call them rivals, it’s more just that their relationship is complicated lol. Tysinno longs to be involved with Hunter culture and to be a part of that community again, and he can’t help but be just a little bit jealous of Halek coming from that world but being so ready to walk away from their people when being a part of it is what Tysinno wants. but he also recognizes that it’s irrational on his end and that Halek has absolutely valid reasons to want to get away from the Reach, so it’s just. complicated. lol.

Love Interest(s):

Ayla - local healer man crushes on this amazing and tough wind mage who is?? pretty much perfect as far as he’s concerned like have you looked at Ayla Aescar?? I Have Eyes Only For You.mp3 as he thinks about this kinda smooch

Ship Name(s): Tysayla? Aysinno? Marscar? idk their tag is “OTP: Windswept”

First Kiss Scenario: 👀

Art

Enemies:

Lavinet - they can work together and be civil and polite, but that’s probably the best it’s ever gonna be. she hasn’t forgotten Prihine’s death, and even if that hadn’t been a thing, their personalities and views on the aristocracy would likely clash too much for them to ever be friends.

pretend that this picrew let him have a streak of white hair bc Hunter heritage <3

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I hope you are had a good day! Not really a question, just some thoughts that I would like to hear your (and maybe others') opinion about it. 

Recently I've been thinking about how much art (more so painting/drawing, poetry and music) as a medium is viewed as an expression of one's feelings in a very Fi-ish way? Personal, raw, driven directly from author's emotions and experiences. As someone who doesn't use Fi (ISTP, I think), this way of describing art (or, rather, being told how I am supposed to create original work) was weird and alienating. When I try to draw or write something to express my feelings directly, I always end up drawing a blank or ending up with a forced result; and I don't enjoy the process very much - not because it is difficult or painful, but it's just... boring and meaningless to me. I think that all my works end up as me playing with exploring an idea that I find interesting but they tend to not reflect feelings of me, as a person. Usually, when I write poetry, it's from a first-person point of view, but that "first person" is never me, and the feelings that are expressed are never truly "mine", if it makes sense? For me, art feels like an extension of myself rather then reflection. When I write, I get to try on the roles of different people, to explore how someone would handle a situation, when would they think and feel, to make sense of and impersonate someone who isn't me. But sometimes that makes me feel like my art is wrong is some way, because it never ends up being about me and that it might feel "impersonal", although, people have told me that they cried after reading some of my stuff because it really touched them, so that's probably just my overthinking. When I play the piano (just amateurish stuff since previous owners of the house didn't bother to take the piano away with them), in my mind I first try to construct a scene of  the music - where is it? who is the main character? what is happening? what is the story that is unfolding when the piece plays out? Only when those things are clear to me, I know exactly how I want to play it (with a mix of technical trial and error process) and it makes the performance more dramatic and emotional, and yet there aren't really any of my emotions behind it. Quite often I get cold and emotionless, which I doesn't bother me that much but when I think about people saying that art is supposed to be reflection of you and your feelings, I start to feel somewhat insecure. I know that what other people say doesn't really matter but it makes me feel like an impostor or like I made a mistake about my hobbies and should have chosen something more "fitting" for my personality type. Do you think it might be a difference between expression of Fi and Fe (albeit, mine is inferior) in art?

Thank you for your blog! I hope this submission doesn't seem like a complete nonsense :) 

I think how and why you create art should fit who you are, and that you will find people who love what you create regardless of whether it's an "extension of your feelings" or not. I LOVE Terry Pratchett's excellent, funny, thought-provoking novels, and it's never about him or his feelings -- it's all about his thoughts, and satire, and making fun of things that are absurd, and coming up with awesome characters like a god stuck in the body of a turtle who can only talk to a monk whose IQ is barely above single digits. There's a market for IFP books, and a market for EFJ books, and a market for ETP books, and a market for ITJ books, and a market for INTP books. Art is subjective and personal and no one should be able to make you feel bad for 'doing it wrong' just because you don't do it THEIR WAY. I think the way you create music and art is cool, and you shouldn't worry about what other people think about it. Some people are going to want emotions bleeding off the pages, but a lot won't. Not everyone likes gushy emotions, and not everyone's art needs to be 'about me' -- sometimes it's about this character, or that idea, or that thing that upsets me, and sometimes it's just cuz someone sat down and wrote the first thing that popped into their head.

[clavelthecupid]

Hello! What's your take on Viego's personality? I feel like everyone sees him as varying degrees of obsessive, romantic, sophisticated, etc. due to Riot's handling of him.

Oh god I could go for hours talking about that! I honestly think he's all of that, but there are a lot more to know; I feel like even though Viego has gained a lot of media since his debut, there's still very little exploration of his character. So, what we know of canon is that he enjoyed the royal life and was unconcerned about his responisbilities as a king, and the only person he ever really cared for - after himself, of course - was Isolde. After her death, Viego was restless to restore her to life, going as far as to almost cause an apocalypse.

I believe Viego had to grow up with the constant reminder that he was always second in line. He was probably more free to wander around and actually be like a child, but was treated like he was less important than his brother. Still, Viego was royalty, so he grew pampered, getting everything and everyone he wanted - which makes me think that nobody was ever sincere with him. So that's why he ended being selfish and so carefree regarding his position. My headcanon is that Viego didn't just fall in love with Isolde because of her beauty, but also because she showed him sincere emotions, the good and the bad ones.

Basically, I think Viego is a character who's got a childish side to him, considering he was very young when he died and lived a comfortable life with no such worries as ruling a kingdom the right way since he believed he'd never be king, but was very dedicated with everything he loved deeply, people or hobbies. Maybe even a perfectionist. He's very stubborn and maybe even a bit naive - I do believe he did know what he was doing when he unleashed the Black Mist in Runeterra and did all the atrocities we know, but reading his short story, his quotes and the way he acted on some of the cinematics, it makes me think that there's a lot he idealized about the world and the people around him that wasn't true.

I feel like he used to be way more confident and spontaneous before the Black Mist, but now he changed to be more methodical, since he always says the Mist is the personification of his sadness. He seems to be the arrogant type when upset, vengeful even. On the bright side, I think Viego would be a very caring friend and lover, the kind that memorized the little things you would be fascinated with, just so he could give you gifts every possible time and compliment you on everything, be it on achieved things or the way you dressed. He's very smart and versed on the arts, so it would always be interesting to talk to him, since he probably knows a bit about everything; Viego also seems like the type to write poetry and talk about philosophies, so I guess he's got a sensitive side to him.

Overall, I think his arrogant posture is mostly something he uses to "protect" himself, but that's also just how he grew up. Royalty will almost always be arrogant and selfish, thinking they're way better than anyone else. He probably needs to pick up on some social clues of course, but I think once he feels like he can finally get his shield down, he'd be a very good person, the kind that would kill someone or kill himself for you. Beware of clinginess though, I feel like he's the kind of friend/lover who needs to have his loved ones' hand somewhere over him always.

(Also, I'd like to point out the fact that he spent the kindgom's fortune to try and get Isolde back. Maybe it's just the obsessive side of him acting up, but I think he does suits the type that doesn't worry about spending money if it's something for his loved ones...)