#which is why i'm now obsessing over this show again at age 19

[zyrafowe-sny]

writing ask game: 16 and 19!

from this ask game

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

Umm... It has been A While since I've regularly read physical books (mostly read on Libby/other phone apps these days), but I've done the usual random scraps of paper in the past.

When I was a kid obsessed with Narnia in elementary school, I made special friendship bracelet bookmarks for my set that matched the colors of the covers. Some might still exist at my mom's.

I also remember buying bookmarks that looked like castle tapestries.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

When I was a kid, I loved stories and reading and daydreaming and playing pretend (mostly on my own, as others aged out of it). I enjoyed my elementary school creative writing assignments, and started writing poems and stories in my free time too. That continued through high school, and around high school I also got into fanfic (mostly as a reader, but I wrote fan poems, short snippets, and a ficlet/one shot or two that I never shared with anyone else).

In early college, I finally posted a tiny bit of fanfic (on website that thankfully no longer exists), but I had an unfinished WIP that hung over my head for years and years. (It wasn't even that long a story! It just became an impossible task.)

And then there was over a decade of basically nothing. I wrote for college/grad school and for work, but papers, memos, PowerPoints, emails, etc. are not exactly creative writing.

The Owl House rewired my brain, as they say. It started out as a show I started watching mid 2022 while folding laundry, but in October 2022 I started bingeing in earnest. I was still finishing Season 2B when Thanks to Them dropped, but once I caught up... oooph. Immediate rewatch. I read some fanfic, but for the first time in over a decade, I was itching to write. I started with one drabble — 100 words seemed like a realistic goal — which turned into a drabble sequence. Then I posted a one shot a few days later, then another one shot, and... After having an AO3 account with zero posted words of my own from August 2013 to mid October 2022, I now have over 50k up and more in drafts.

These days, I consider myself a fanfic writer in it for the long haul. I know that life responsibilities/health/etc may interfere with writing from time to time, but I've found my way back before and I am confident that I can do it again. I am a little anxious about having multiple multi-chapter WIPs up on AO3 — there was a reason I initially intended to stick to one shots/one shots in series — but fanfic writeblr helps immensely. When in doubt, I write drabbles.

I am in zero rush to focus on writing original fiction, but I have decades of life yet. Who knows — maybe I'll write a short story collection or a novel someday for fun, but I'm not nearly as passionate or dedicated (or talented!) as my friends/acquaintances who are writing/making art professionally. That's where I am with music too — I love being part of a community choir and I hope music will always be a part of my life, but it's a hobby. And as much as I desperately wish we supported full-time artists better, I also wish more people could just "dabble" in creative/artistic endeavors (time and money being big gatekeepers for hobbies too).

[andvys]

So I have a question about something I guess personal but idk how you would describe it. So I know in your bio it says you are 25, well, so am I and I have a husband and a beautiful baby boy (who we named Dustin btw). Everyone in my family and my friends know that I am a HUGE fan girl and my husband doesn’t care either because it’s a celebrity or fictional characters and he said he doesn’t mind as long as i don’t physically cheat on him (which I never would). Well I recently got a different job in a big corporation office and I’ve been working there for about 2 months now. I am really good friends with a few people and everyone else I get along with. Well, on Friday it was a slow day and me and a few other people were all talking about just random stuff and somehow we got on the topic of favorite movies and tv shows. Well I was saying that in October, my husband was going to take me to GA (as we are not far from GA) for a tour of where ST filmed because my husband and I are a huge fan of that show (and plus our anniversary is in October as well) and I was saying that Steve was my favorite character and plus the guy who played Steve (Joe Keery)was very gorgeous as well. well this woman (we’ll call her Marg) she is probably about 35 or 36 (her and I aren’t really good friends and she is kind of snooty tbh) told me that I shouldn’t be obsessing over random celebrities because that will make my husband mad and then he will want to cheat on me. I told her that my husband and I have an understanding when it comes to stuff like that and my husband loves me very much and would never do that to me. So then, this mother fucking bitch says and I quote “well if he was my husband, I wouldn’t do that to him” like okay bitch we all know that your marriage is on the verge of a divorce and your husband would rather play golf then to spend time with you. They have 2 kids but she had her kids (twins) when she was 19 and that’s when her and her husband got married. I told her that she needs to focus on her own marriage and stay the hell out of mine. And she then said that I need to focus on my family and that my son doesn’t need a mom who is a fan girl as I am 25 and need to grow up. Then that’s when my other co workers stepped in and said for her to chill out that what she was saying was very uncalled for. My good friend (we’ll call her Jess) said not to worry about it and she said that Marg is just very jealous of anyone who has a good marriage and who is a great mom. I smiled and said yeah I guess you are right. But that whole day and this whole weekend I have been dwelling over it because it’s in the back of my mind of what if my husband cheats on me or what if my son grows up to hate me?

I haven’t told my husband yet because I don’t want him to worry about anything. I love my husband and son more than anything in this world and I know I am not 15 anymore but I am allowed to have a life.

Is it okay for me to still be a fangirl even though I am 25 and have a family of my own?

Also so sorry that this was long. I just wanted some advice and I trust your judgement.

Oh my god! This is actually insane! Marg seems like a miserable lady, who wants to spread nothing but negativity and take away the joy and fun in other people's lives.

Why should a celebrity/fictional crush make your husband want to cheat?! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm sure your husband doesn't mind you a being a fangirl, Jesus.

Also, 'your son doesn't need a mom who is fangirl' what 😭 she is trying to make you feel guilty and again, she's trying to take away the joy in your life.

There is nothing wrong and there is nothing childish about being a fangirl, there is no age at when you should stop being a fangirl. You can be 40 and still be a fangirl, that doesn't mean that you are childish or that you are a bad mom (what the actual fuck 😭).

Marg seems like the type of woman who thinks that just because you are married & have kids now, that you aren't allowed to have hobbies anymore. She's a miserable Karen and her opinion shouldn't matter to you at all. Fuck Marg, let her go live her miserable life and keep being the fangirl that you always were.

It's absolutely okay to be a fangirl at the age of 25 and older! My sister is 35, she has a daughter, she's a good mom and she was a fangirl all her life, there is nothing wrong with that.

You don't have to be a miserable old lady at such a young age. Keep fangirling, keep reading/writing fics for your favorite characters, keep buying merchandise. You are never too old to be a fangirl!

[feuqueerfire]

I Hear Your Voice Live Blogging

When I added this show to my watchlist, I didn't know anything except it's an age-gap noona romance and has a mystery plot. Also it's over a decade old, came out in 2013 lol, so we'll see how it goes. I've only watched Ai no Kotodama (j-BL movie, 2008) and Just Friends? (k-BL movie, 2009) released before 2014.

I just read the synopsis and seems like the younger guy can even read minds?! Unfortunately there's a love triangle with an older guy but he's played by the 40-year-old Hong Dayoung (?idk the name rip) actor from 18 Again. Just watched Lee Dohyun in Good Bad Mother and ig now I'll watch this; 18 Again is truly just The Show to me.

Ep 1 (Apr 3)

oh, it starts off in high school?

had to mute why were they showing pissing stream + with audio ew

ah, those thoughts were what he's hearing. okay, Edward. though he has to touch people or no? seems like he can hear it without touching

the car crash murder is the reason he can hear thoughts seems like

so the thoughts are like literal noise and he can tune it out by putting on headphones?

ah, FL is shameless and bitchy <3 a bit irritating but fun

oof, Hye Seong getting teamed up by these kids

Aw, my poor girl who is like I'm cold and my personality sticks but not to the extent that I'd target a girl like this

don't be too prideful to not accept money lol they're kicking you out and wrongfully severing her job, they should at least pay smh but i guess pride is a thing

Also, I thought like 3 different times that the girl's father is gonna end up seeing that his daughter is lying or believing Hye Seong but ig not ? and he's a judge too

ah, burning money lol gotta make a statement ig

ah, Hye Seong and the other girl both saw the car crash murder happen

Also, I thought the age gap was like 20 years for some reason but it's just like 10

oh naurrr the kid saying he can read other people's minds but it's gonna only convince people more that he's not doing well and his version of events can't be trusted

oof, not Hye Seong being threatened like this in front of the whole court... is the man gonna come out of jail around now?

Soo Ha has been searching for her, ah

A female lead who is kinda bitchy, kinda shameless but has a sense of justice and is stubborn along with a younger male lead who's obsessed with (the idea of) her and is searching for her, ahh

Ep 2 (Apr 4)

Seong Bin? Who is that?

ohh it's the girl who likes Soo Ha

I just realized maybe he's 19 Korean age, so he's underage and in high school yaas off-putting illegal age gap noona romance <3

augh murderer Joon Kook is getting released next week

this Gwan Woo guy... no. He was fine last time but right now as he keeps calling her beautiful and such out loud in front of people as she's not responding... no

oh, the Seong Bin case insisting she didn't do it while others point at her parallels Hye Seong's own case

She admitted it... hm

Gwan Woo dumb as rocks wtf does he mean his defendants won't lie and he just knows if people are lying by looking at them, how can you be so naive

Hah, he's in love with such an idealized version of her

her having Real Thoughts and Conflicts while mans is just cheesing at finally having her

he's following her home though lmfao chill

Ah, him fixing the lamp that was broken lol reminds me of hmmm I think Love Class S2 BL? Main couple maybe?

ah, he saved Seong Bin

Soo ha getting a reality check about Hye Seong and refusing to believe

ofc he's a rich kid lolol

lol they were hinting his defendant was gonna lie

annoying segment insinuating that female cops can’t sexually harass a woman but maybe the alternative would’ve been making it about scary lesbians which is agh

Bo yeon or whoever bitch from childhood is the prosecutor now

majorly icked out by him picking her up on his shoulder to get her to come w him

woah the mind reading part came so fast, even before his name

ah he’s using banmal w her?

oh he threw the book that hye seong dropped that he’s been keeping for 10 years in the trash but couldn’t let it go

Ep 3 (Apr 4)

would the witness lie and say Seong Bin did it? paralleling Hye Seong's situation even more?

dying at the misunderstanding of you have something on your cheek vs her giving him a finger kiss on his cheek

augh, Sooha's dad's murderer is back

bruh as expected she lied but seems like not necessarily out of maliciousness but rather bc she can't say the truth about why she fell...?

oh also I don't get the way his powers work, sometimes he can hear anybody and everybody (that's how he heard the murderer) vs sometimes he has to look into people's eyes to hear their thoughts?

getting yelled at by her mother because of how callously she's taking all this, including being more worried about how she appears instead of Beo Yeon or whoever instead of her defendant. i mean deserved but having the yelling happen in front of everybody on the team + Sooha is humiliating

who is this man in jail? Ga Yeon's father who has died and would have been around Hye Seong's age?

no girl, that's not Sooha's phone number, that's a murderer hunting you down lmfao

not these grown lawyers sneaking into high school T.T lmfao

agh it doesn't say what the internet search history is

ah, cigarette stuff

interesting confrontation between the two girls tbh

why are the Viki subs like... bad? they don't sub the writing on screen and also instead of saying the witness under 16 won't face perjury, says that the testimony "is invalid"

fuckass Do yeon is so irritating, and seems like she's billed as a main character in MDL

i should not be losing my shit already at every interaction between Soo Ha and Hye Seong lmfao but him finding a seat on the bus for her but then when she starts boasting about the trial he makes a face and moves to a different seat like it's just so good man

and her giving him a little lecture like i don't have time to deal with feelings from a high school junior, so get over me vs him being like i don't like you though (meanwhile... hah.)

and him teasing her with the "total and utter humiliation" hehe

oh true she doesn't even know his name

not Joon Kook's phone literally ringing in the next room, bye. reminds me of Beyond Evil with the shower curtain bathroom killing situation though this isn't as dire since we're legit on ep 4 lol

Ep 4 (Apr 4/5)

why doesn't Soo Ha tell Hye Seong about Joon Kook :< ik it'll make things complicated for him but she's gotta know there's a murderer texting and breaking and entering and stalking her c'mon

damn, not Soo Ha's uncle guardian mans leaving him at some park (what other show does this remind me of... To My Star?? idk or actually maybe it's BTS J-Hope lore lol)

so who does he live with now, seems like he has a big/spacious place

Doyeon isn't their biological daughter or what?

idk why I find it soooo cute that Hye Seong wakes up a mess, makes some weird/bad-tasting concoction for breakfast, and her house is a fucking mess (enough that Sooha literally thought the guy wreaked havoc in there) and Sooha's just getting reality check after reality check after having idolized her for a decade lmfaooo

and him getting mad at this loll but it's not like it's gonna make him stop liking her

ah, Sooha volunteering at same place as Joonkook

ig we’re gonna have a new case every 1-2 eps and fuckass doyeon is gonna be there for them all

o no joonkook knows sooha’s identity but sooha doesn’t know he’s been found out

asdf nahh he told her her only talent is her eyes that see whether the defendant is saying the truth or not lmfao

need Gwanwoo to fuck off ngl i am sooo not into their potential and am not looking forward to the love triangle

Ep 5 (Apr 5)

pls not them pretending to be close and as if she sees him as her real younger brother

ahh noona ik in this case it’s supposed to be to show like familial relations but i want him to call her noona all the time

lol her clocking that she was his first love and him being like no

wound tending 2.0 and his smile is so like indulgent idek

I guess they'd make Hye Seong's client who seems to be caring and innocent to actually be the perpetrator while the older twin who seems more callous and with a previous record to be the one who is telling the truth?

hate to see her think of Lawyer Cha as attractive or be into him like stoppppp

damn not Seong Bin taking one for the team

ah parallels of Seongbin -> Sooha -> Hye Seong -> fuckass Cha Gwanwoo

bruh, didn't Hyeseong's mother see Gwanwoo when she went to the office though? or ig she knows it's him lol

he's throwing a fit ahh as expected of a 17 year old hehe

useless cops as expected

Ep 6 (Apr 5)

Ah, not that her person was the murderer but that they both co-conspirited

she thinks that he's a chain holding her back and he has flashbacks to his uncle thinking the same thing, ouch

Sooha staring at fish in their little aquarium reminds me that Good Bad Mother also had that

ah Dayeon and Hyeseong teaming up and maybe playing mind games with Hyeseong's guy

Prisoner's Dilemma

her getting caught every which way, first Sooha saying that she shouldn't be a public defender lawyer when she was fine with not making the twins confess but now it's the boss after she has indeed made them confess

is the fuckass murderer touched by Hyeseong's mother giving him food for his bday?

that 1 cop seemed to be suspicious of Hyeseong and Sooha being close and apparently living together and now he's like it does kind of sound like a threat so... will he come in clutch in the end

resisting the urge to not just skip through fuckass Gwanwoo's scenes

yaas the date didn't happen ! i mean terrible bc Sooha is being thought of as having stolen the cop's gun but yay

nvm Joonkook is flushing everything down the toilet rip

so has Sooha is gonna find and knife Joonkook?

Ep 7 (Apr 5)

me and Sooha both sending hateful and awful vibes to Gwanwoo's moments with Hyeseong

equal opportunity opening lids for the other!

i love you table with spinny section on top

hug and now a hand kiss? Cha Gwanwoo count your days aghhh

plsplspls don't be dating maybe Sooha just walked away too soon

awooga sad Sooha

naurrrr not Hyeseong's mom, fuckass Joonkook

Ep 8 (Apr 6)

ahhh she's dead dead

it would actually be insane if Dayeon who kept requesting hard sentences for everybody suddenly was like nah

it'd be especially funny because Joonkook is saying he also didn't kill the father back then meanwhile Dayeon literally witness him killing that man (though she didn't testify against him)

okay at least it seems like she's not gonna believe him whew

trying not to be hateful towards Gwanwoo even though him saying he's her boyfriend now is actually terrible

bruh what is Joonkook playing at, he fakes attempting suicide? so is Cha Gwanwoo gonna start believing that he didn't mean to do it?

ohh committing perjury (ig that means falsifying testimony? since they're making the cellmate give a false witness testimony)

awooga they're gonna get caught lying. is Joonkook really gonna walk away free after all this? ig we're only on ep 8... aughhh

Gwanwoo is just doing his job but like fuck him. and most of all, fuckkkkkkkk Joonkook the most. also is the prosecutor gonna get fucked over fr fr for the perjury

awooga not Sooha being like yeah Hyeseong really likes you Gwanwoo, which is why this is hard for her. so give her time, wait for her and protect her

like okay mature response despite loving her but akldfas i need Gwanwoo and Hyeseong to fucking break up bc I'm already biased against him but he's also defended the murderer of her mother, so like... no

okayyyy lmfaooo i was like this is a weirdly mature response but indeed he's like heheh Gwanwoo fucked up and isn't coming back, so I get a chance

oh yeah the aquarium talk when he and his father were in the car

this dumbass is gonna kill Joonkook or what? i just realized he wasn't saying thanks for the chance with Hyeseong because he's prlly gonna be in fucking jail, thanks for the chance to kill Joonkook with his own hands ig?

"last goodbyes" girl

woahhh one startled kiss before leaving (forever, apparently is his plan dumbass)

I barel watched today, so got through 1 ep the whole day and that was like 20 mins over 12 hours and then 40 mins over 1h lol

Ep 9 (Apr 7/8)

is this another dream?

ah, future scene first

omg wait... Hwang Dal Joong's daughter went missing 25 years ago when he got put in jail... the person who put him in jail is Doyeon's father fuckass judge man... there are rumours that Doyeon was "found under the bridge" ummmm

bruh, Gwanwoo's just now getting to know about everything that happened at the court room when Hyeseong testified 10 years ago? Also, how come she was never a witness for this because I feel like their phone call which was about her mother telling her to not take revenge etc would've been helpful a bit at least ??

bruh why'd I barely watch it today also

Ah, Sooha doing the smoke bomb thing

19 year old's bravado and confidence

aough, Hyeseong running in front of blade

damn, why Sooha take the blade out bruh

Sooha disappeared Again?!

hmmm would Min Joonkook be killed offscreen like this? we have a severed hand but no body means not dead

and Sooha told her he wouldn't kill Joonkook

A whole year later?!

well that means Sooha is an adult now btw

omgggg now it's her turn to see Sooha at every turn and run after him, the way Sooha did at the beginning

awooga, is this real or fake amnesia? goddammit

can't download this aghhh i wanted to watch some on the train smhh

Ep 10 (Apr 8)

omg real amnesia?

oh interesting Hwang Dal Joong presumably also didn't kill his wife? but where does Doyeon's father fit into this because like he was the judge for that case but he wasn't normal about it. is Doyeon indeed Dal Joong's daughter? Would the judge guy be the murdered wife's other man? No, right?

lkajd Sooha's nemesis/frenemy having to read his diary to him

If I have to watch any romantic moments between Gwanwoo and Hyeseong while my boy Sooha is now an adult who is in prison without his memories, I might lose my shit

why aren't they talking to the man who housed Sooha, what do you mean he just told Sooha that he's his nephew's son and that's that

oh he's crazy, first "am I special to you?" and then "Are you special to me?" meanwhile he literally kissed her before he left for a year and became known as a murder suspect lol

awooga and her saying that he disliked her

oh? memories are coming back? they won't all come back during the trial would it lol

Also, how are we fully assuming Joonkook is dead when we haven't even found the body except for a hand? In Beyond Evil, wasn't it like it's not a murder case/charge if the body hasn't been found or was that smth diff?

They're straight up naming a different suspect, the fishman? Scary what if things go wrong... fisherman: Ji Cheol Su, housed Sooha: Kim Gi Ho

yaas finally it has come into their heads that maybe... the guy who is a murderer 2x at least... and whose body we haven't found... might not actually be dead lol

Ep 11 (Apr 9)

ohhh the witness who reported Sooha never saw him

Well, did the guy tell them that the woman never actually saw Sooha or no?

bruh why is Doyeon soooo wrong at every turn like get a gripp

leave and give her some fucking privacy bro why is fuckass gwanwoo standing in front of the bathroom listening to her cry

awooga

ohhh Sooha tried to run away and got in a car crash hmm

yaas she rejected Gwanwoo again and... did she say she likes Sooha... anything like that? maybe?

Is that Joonkook in a disguise and threatening the woman or what?

ahhh she's so cold and cutting Sooha off just like this, she must be going crazy inside

awooga my ship !!

Ep 12 (Apr 9)

pls Sooha seeing Hyeseong eating food straight from the fridge late at night in the dark

Gwanwoo is... not incorrect in his assessment of Sooha and how he's a "burden" to Hyeseong but he's also immature to say it that way to throw it in Sooha's face because Hyeseong likes Sooha but not him. like okay talking about being an adult, sure

ohhh wait firstly, Hyeseong didn't actually have a photo in the phone but just said that it shows Min Joonkook with the steel pipe :0 but ig Joonkook gave himself away with his reaction to Hyeseong

and secondly, I hadn't realized that the judge was actually Doyeon's father and he'd known that she lied, which was expected cuz it really seemed like he knew. he just took it as a lawyer in court though lol

omg so indeed Hwang Dal Joong's supposedly murdered wife is still alive and doesn't have her left hand either

lolol Hyseong and Doyeon both regretting spilling their guts the night before. kinda should make out when Doyeon becomes more tolerable

Oof, witness womans really dug her own grave with the "go till the end" talk. hope same thing doesn't happen to the guy who hit Sooha with the truck and was told to not say anything by Joonkook

ah, memory returns

Sooha's dad killed Joonkook's wife?

back hug !

Ep 13 (Apr 9)

oh did Sooha's mind-reading abilities come back with the memories?

who did Hwang Dal Joong stab? his ex wife?

why be a fucking cop bro Sooha pls do something else

i so incredibly do not give a fuck about Gwanwoo

the wife said the daughter is living in a rich house, it's literally Doyeon bruh

ahhh cheek kiss,can't believe i'm having to live on this same shit from like ep 3 (other way around this time tho)

anyway sooha should just tell her the truth cuz she'll get more mad the longer it goes on, esp since he can read her mind

Ep 14 (Apr 10)

awooga what are we gonna do when she finds out about dad killing first

my ship T.T avoiding eye contact and walking side by side T.T

alk;sdjf Sooha falling into Hyeseong's lap on the bus

oh my godddddd laksdfjlk;asdjf lk;sdfj lk;j Hyeseong confession

parallel between Hyeseong being like maybe it's fine/better that Doyeon doesn't know the truth about her adoptive and biological parents while Gwanwoo is like it's better that Hyeseong doesn't know about Joonkook and Sooha's father's ordeal

but Lawyer Shin talking about how telling the truth is the right thing to o

Wait actually... this is a good line of thought that I could use maybe? at ~48mins they start talking about if there are 2 decisions where you have regrets choosing either, better to choose the one that will make you regret 1% less ig

Hyeseong throwing the words that Doyeon's fuckass dad told her that day at the hospital like 12 years ago back in his face

Ep 15 (Apr 10)

Is this article about Joonkook's wife being killed by Sooha's father or smth?

and Sooha & Doyeon parallels about betrayals in trust of their fathers

omg accomplice

aksdfjklajdsf was hyeseong just having horny thoughts or what

hm the Park Joonhyuk guy is Sooha's father? And he wrote about people in car accidents or what?

omg Doyeon...

Ep 16 (Apr 10)

girl the way I'd barely been watching 1 ep a day the last few days but today I keep watching it?

awooga Doyeon

how the tables turn because in ep 1, I thought maybe the father would take Hyseong's side since clearly Doyeon was lying and her mother believed her without question

not this fucking father-daughter strained yet touching relationship with Dal Joong and Doyeon omg

not Joonkook having kidnapped Hyeseong

Ep 17 (Apr 11)

Awooga, not the trick working

hyeseong stupidity making me annoyed

and it's frustrating for it to be contrasted with Sooha who is also doing a dumb thing (going to Joonkook alone without confirming he's actually there and with a taser but not realizing that Joonkook is right behind her and also in like a mid skirt and heels too like tf) but 1) he confirmed that she was actually there 2) he called Gwanwoo and explained the situation. frustrating for the FL to fall into a trap this stupidly in the penultimate episode at least have Joonkook outsmart her rather than just her being stupid

sooo annoying that Hyeseong is just tied up and duct taped like this fr and also why is the SWAT team useless why are they in different rooftops aiming at Sooha possibly like ?? dumbasses

bro these cops are so useless why are they just standing there with their armoud and weapons, just grab him?!

This is so silly like okay fine Gwanwoo comes and frees Hyeseong from her bind but then... she gets up to the roof and immediately faints as Min Joonkook drags Sooha over the edge

I'll be honest, the fact that they made Hyeseong make stupid decisions here and then kinda made her presence inconsequential (beyond the don't kill Joonkook thing but that's been going on for A While already) really soured me because there was no reason for that. maybe she'll do something cool in the last ep and bring it back up

Ep 18 (Apr 11)

actually I don't fully get the problem with Sooha stabbing Hyeseong thing either because like ig it's a case that Joonkook was Sooha's target? And Hyeseong ran into it but otherwise Sooha would've stabbed/possibly killed Joonkook?

and if Gwanwoo is Joonkook's lawyer again I'd be so fucking irritated bro

but why is this literally attempted murder bruh, she ran into the knife and he didn't successfully even knick Joonkook with the knife so some legal questioning maybe but attempted murder? be serious

Sooha and Hyseong are sooooo cute

no way Sooha's talking about Gwanwoo being his role model who made him into a man agh

oh he's mentioning other ppl but Gwanwoo first? be fr

ah Doyeon

Fine final episode

Overall:

Noona romance + mystery + courtroom + sliiight supernatural with mind-reading, it has a bunch of things I liked. It's from over a decade ago but enjoyable nonetheless. I liked it, though Hyeseong and Sooha were quite cute but I wish 1) the episodes were a bit more condensed to be 14-16 episodes and 2) the fucking love triangle wasn't so prominent (though I get that they probably did it because Sooha was underage at first).

Not life-changing and kind of overstayed its welcome for me, esp because I was barely watching 1 ep a day in the middle there.

Rating: 6.5/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I've watched in 2024: 7 -> 6.5]

[adozentothedawn]

List of things the Winx Club Remake could have done

Or in other words, list of things I might use for writing a fanfic out of spite. Because this is where quarantine and the weird ass world state brought me. Sketching out Winx fanfics at age 19. Before we start I want to tell you that this is entirely based on the original. The remake is what triggered me to go back to it, but this list is entirely ignoring its existance except for when it’s funny to mention it. Also I’ve only seen the first four seasons and two movies before I grew out of it, so everything after that I know basically nothing about. As of yet I’ve only rewatched season one, so that’s what most of this will focus on, and I’ll reblog later maybe with additions for the seasons two and three. Well, let’s get at it then. Break because this will be a long post.

Be animated. This is really just for the show, since I can’t even draw much less animate, but I hate the trend of making everything life action. There is no way this could have made anything better. Especially in a fantasy show. All it does is put you on a budget for special effects. I know lots of people already said this, but I had to say it again too. This trend is just very annoying. That said, they should update the designs. Keep it nice and colourful and crazy dresses and all that, the costumes were so great I love them, but maybe give the characters waists this time. Really that’s all, you can keep the rest.

Have a planned ending. Now I know that maybe the remake actually has that, but I don’t care, at this point I just want to focus on the original and how they could have updated it to make it better. Personally, I think they should have done the first three seasons, and maybe the first movie. So four seasons, maybe just three with a long final one. This leads us to:

Fix the continuity issues. By having a planned ending and everything plotted out, it’d be much easier to keep things consistent. Which they should. Because as much as I like the original, it relies completely on its charming characters, because the story usually doesn’t make much sense. And I get it, it’s a kid’s show, and it worked for what it was meant to be, but I want to make a legitimately good show out of it, so yeah, work over that story. For example the Daphne/Domino tone problem. It feels like they had two seperate ideas while writing the original, either to have it be long, long ago and a legend, or the whole Bloom is the princess thing, and then they just went with both.

Improve the wordbuilding. I like the things we get, but unfortunately we get very little, and it’s always seperated into chunks. Magix has nothing to do with Domino, Domino has nothing to do with Solaria, Solaria has nothing to do with Andros. And that’s just a shame. This is supposed to be a dimension where there are space ships and portals to just hop around with, and yet it feels nobody knows anybody. This is honestly my biggest issue and next points will all be concerned with the world building. Unfortunately Tumblr is barely a functioning website and won’t let me do indents, so I’ll mark it with making the topics slanted instead of bold. This is the actual fanfic plotpoints now.

Make the Domino genocide a bigger deal. There you go, have some edgy angst easily and canon compliant. I mean for fuck’s sake, that was 16 years ago and Domino was an important world! Every adult in this dimension should be aware of what happened there! You could make it a taboo topic, and Bloom who doesn’t know about it keeps stumbeling into it. Nobody wants to talk about it and this is what drives the mystery. You should also give Sky and Stella a connection to it. They are both royalty, and their parents definitely knew Oritel and Marion. In fact, you could even keep the whole ‘Oritel and Sky’s dad were best bros’ thing from the second movie. Make Oritel Sky’s godfather for example. It makes the situation much more personal even before the Bloom reveal and gives the two something to bond over after it. And while we’re at that, I think Faragonda should be Bloom’s godmother. Again, bonding excuse later, and also set up for the Order of Light, which I really like, but you need to set up better than the original.

Explain the nymphs of Magix. They are part of the big tone problem of the original. They really don’t make sense, and it’s never explained how Daphne came to be one of them. That said, I think they’re really cool, and you can make them work, just unmystify them a little. Maybe they are a group of especially powerful fairies/magic users, who are acting as a council and defence of the magical dimension. They are traditionally composed of members of royal families, and being granted a spot is a high honor. Maybe it involves some magical form changing ritual, which is why Daphne looks like that. This concept could be wonderfully introdued by Stella, who really wants to be part of them too. It would give Stella a good reason to know a lot about Daphne and once again ties the worldbuilding better together. You could even bring in conflict and say to become a nymph you have to give up your right to your throne, which is why her parents don’t want Stella to do that.

Give Techna and Flora more backstory. This pretty self-explanatory. I think there’s a book about Techna’s home world that I read at some point, but I barely remember it and I don’t think it’s canon anyway. I don’t have much to say to this. Just establish the two of the better. Musa is also not great with backstory, but she still gets more than those two.

Give Riven a proper arc/make Griffin a better character. I like the idea of Riven. I absolutely loved the trash raider moment, even though it really didn’t make sense, but the vibe was amazing. The reason I tie him to Griffin is because I want her to adopt him. One, we basically never see an adopted mother/mentor figure with a guy, and two, these are the two more morally grey characters (if you do them right). But Griffin has already found her place in the world and her own strict moral set, no matter how questionable they might look to others. Riven has not, and just starts out as a dick. I think that dynamic would be amazing. I can even explain how this goes down. First, don’t make Griffin just the cartoonishly (haha yes I know) evil villain in the beginnig. Set her up properly immediatly. Second, make the Darcy Riven relationship more official. He actually goes to visit her, and that’s fine, everyone knows, students from other schools visiting their friends and significant others is just a thing. Third, make Griffin more suspicious of the Trix. Not outright against them, but have her smell something is up before it happens. Then have her talk to Riven for some info when comes to visit Darcy and use those as bonding moments. Have them get to know each other and have Griffin become somewhat concernd about him and his destructive tendencies, so she tries to stir him onto the right path. Then later, they are all stuck in the tower after the Trix took over, you can keep most things, just play on the scenes before and the fact that all this happened. He has the realization that he was dumbass, he flees, he tries to help Griffin and her students but can’t. He flees, jumps out the window (which was such a great angsty idea, I love it), and survives. And then you can make the trash raider scene make sense by stretching the time out. The war takes weeks, and he stays in the trash yard, looking for a way to free Griffin and her students. Also I demand a surpressed emotional reunion later, because neither of them is very good at admitting their feelings. And then keep that mentor realtionship for the rest of the series. And if you’re really ballsy you make Riven change schools and become an actual witch. Yes I have a lot emotions about this. 

So, this was it for now, but I’m sure I’ll get a whole lot more opinions watching season 2, so stay tuned for an update. Feel free to tell me your opinions on all of this or add on any ideas you have, I’m very emotional about this show right now and would love to be validated/be given more things to obsess over.

[cinnamon-bunni]

tell me all about them. all of your ocs (or just give me a light introduction to your faves/a few pointers to your past posts so i can learn more about the guys!)

uhhh okay but i'll only talk about my monster prom ones for now, because i have a lot of those, and if i talked about my general ones too then this post would be too long (and it's already gonna be too long with just my MP ones lol)

My one and only "proper" OC (which is that they attend Spooky High and interacts with the main cast) is Azzy! He's species is "Demon But Not Really", which is just to say he is a doll that's being animated via blood magic. I had a whole long draft done for a long-ass fic I was gonna write about him, but I ended up deleting it lol He is an amnesiac demon who Damien just kinda found one day. He just sticks to Damien and begs him not to kill him, and Damien pities him enough to keep him around and help him out to find out who he is. Azzy is small (well not physically, he's kinda tall tbh, but he makes himself look small) and meek, which is very odd for a demon, y'know? On an unrelated note, while I have not written a single thing for Azzy, I have made a whole buncha memes about him and his storyline because I have nothing better to do and I would rather do that then write about him. oops? I could go into why he was created, but I'll leave that for another day <3 I don't have much to say about him, because tbh I forgot a lot of things for him, but's a summary of his character. Also here is a playlist I made for him a while back lol And also here's a picrew I made that generally looks like him (best I could do ^^;;)

omg I actually forgot abotu Lady de Ville. I only remembered her when I was looking for the picew of Azzy. Anyways de Ville is a vampire from way-back-when, back when Liam first became a vampire, and was the leader of what was the Dark Side back then. In all honesty I'm too afraid to talk about her, because while I love to daydream, I get too embarrassed when someone asks; she is apart of the Very Long and Sorta Complicated Past I have given Liam. One day I might write a fic about it, idk. But Lady de Ville is the definition of Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss, and is like pretty shitty and evil tbh. I won't go into her but I will give you a picrew of her! (which is not too accurate but oh well I can only do so much lol)

And finally, I have the seven OCs that were mainly created because I became obsessed with worldbuilding Hell for the Monster Prom universe ^^; and so I made the rulers for each Circle. I posted about them before, but here they are again because they didn't properly show up in the tags lol (so yeah this is copy-pasted and is the longest so I'm sorry lol) (and also sorry no picrews, but it's hard to make demons in many of them TwT)

The ruler of the First Circle, Limbo, is Baron Levy (who is my favorite MP OC and can talk about him for days)! He is the youngest of the rulers, becoming Baron at age 19 (and is currently 27 or so). He is shy and reserved, keeping mainly only to himself. He is also Damien’s glorified babysitter bodyguard close friend, and the two often hang out if the prince ever decides to visit Limbo.

The next circle, the Second Circle of Lust, is ruled by Lord Asmos. He was actually the first one I made, as he is Azzy’s father! Once ruled with great power, Asmos was demoted down to the Second Circle, and hates it with a passion, as he now has very little power or say in anything. He only wishes death and despair onto the LaVeys, but other than that he’s just kind of…there.

The Third Circle of Hell is run by Earl Cerci. As it is the Circle of Gluttony, it would only be fitting for her to be a glutton as well–but, a glutton for knowledge. It was said thirst for knowledge that made her Fall, that made her to be cast out of Heaven, but she learned to get over it. She is close friends with Lucien, who met her when she first arrived in Hell. The two are probably the only few ones who use the braincell out of all of the rulers.

The fourth ruler is Marquess Marlon! Marlon, too, is a Fallen Angel, and being the dramatic demon he is, cut off his wings (which won some points with Damien, because damn that’s pretty fucking metal!). He spends most of his time with humans rather than in hell, because he finds them all so Interesting and Funny (especially Italians, for some reason. He usually frequents Italy). In general he just likes to hang around and have fun, and is definitely a “party-now-work-later” kind of demon.

Ruler of the Fifth Circle is Duke Gordie. A powerful warrior, but also a very sleepy boi. He doesn’t care too much for his work–many don’t in all honesty–but is a powerful demon on the battlefield. Respect is a big deal for him, and people have to earn his respect–in battle, of course. He’s a bit of an asshole with anger issues (hence the Circle of Anger), and tends to either be pissed off at everyone or everything, or…sleeping.

The ruler of the Sixth Circle, the Circle of Heresy, is Grand Duke Faren. She is stern, ruthless, and unforgiving; she holds a lot of power in Hell, and is not someone to mess with. She isn’t afraid to voice her opinions, and is willing to stand by what she says. She truly does believe that she is stronger, and therefore better, than the kings. She isn’t afraid to go against her kings’ orders, even if it’s heresy. She is willing to die for what she believes in.

The seventh ruler of the Seventh Circle is Archduke Bubzeleon III–or just Archduke Buddi! He runs the Circle of Violence, and is a boisterous and loud demon. He is also childhood friends with Stan, and the two worked together side-by-side during the war in the Eighth Circle (he even got to watch the two fall in love!). He’s also given the highest honor of being considered as Damien’s uncle, which is something he wears as a badge of honor. He just loves violence and danger so much, and loves to get into all kind of situations because of it.

If you made it this far, then thank you, it really does mean a lot <333 I usually don't talk about them, but I really do love these guys so much lol I would have to say, Levy would probably have to be my favorite, seconded by Cerci and Marlon <3 I just like to think about Levy and Damien's relationship a whole lot (edit: made each of the lords' parts shorter because i just realized how long they are and you asked for light intros oops lmao)

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

19 and 25 for the writing asks!

I answered 25 one post ago, so check it out there!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

I got my start writing when I was 10. My best friend and I were obsessed with the game Pikmin, and we liked to play pretend about it. Made up a whole extended lore and everything. Eventually, my friend discovered fanfiction.net, which had a few other people writing stories about similar ideas, and we both started writing pikmin fic about our extended world! It was terrible, naturally, but it was a really friendly small community and I got a) a lot of great writing advice from other people there and b) I got space to develop my fundamentals in an encouraging, supportive environment. I puttered around and wrote a few short fics for other fandoms over the next couple years, but I never actually finished anything, and I dropped off once I moved away from that friend.

I didn't stop writing, though. I developed ideas for original stories and got some practice writing excerpts from them, plus a few short stories that were charmingly derivative of Ray Bradbury. Then in high school I switched gears and started writing play scripts and screenplays. At the end of my senior year I was even able to direct one of them - it got two showings and played to a collected audience of about 300. I'm still proud of that, even if the script doesn't exactly hold up well to me now. It was a metaphor about my experiences coming of age as a queer atheist in a conservative cult town, but as I was in said cult town at the time, it was filtered through about three layers of metaphor and got horribly lost up its own ass towards the end.

And then I didn't write anything again for years, until I got properly into Critical Role. Something about Beau and Jester made my brain whir, and I ended up writing over 100k words of an AU about them working for the Gentleman in the criminal underworld of Wildemount. I'd love to finish it some day, but the spark went out a little after the end of the campaign 2 COVID hiatus. Since then, I've written a couple of one-off fics for a few fandoms, a few first chapters and concept treatments for various fics and original stories, a messy short story or two, and Memoirs of a Flesh Eater.

I don't know exactly what shape my writing is going to take going forward - it's changed a lot over my life already. I think I want to write a novel, though. I've always had big, grandiose ideas for enormous, sprawling stories, and I've never quite managed to finish them. It'd feel good to finally succeed. That's my current project - I'm slowly chipping away at a proper manuscript. I'm writing something unlike anything I've ever read before, and it's slow and meandering and maudlin and so incredibly me, and I really hope I'm able to share it with people some day. And other than that? I guess I'll just see where inspiration takes me.

Thanks for the ask!

[am-a-greasy-tree]

Get To Know Me Tag

Thank you so much @byonggon for tagging me! I was really happy about it uwu

Rules: Answer the questions and tag ten followers you'd like to get to know better!

1. Name: Sabrina

2. Birth year: 2004 (Now, I know I'm not the oldest person but hey people born in 2008 are already old enough to go to middle school)

3. Sign: Rising Cancer, Sun Pisces and Moon Taurus

4. Height: 170cm or 5'6"

5. Put your playlist on shuffle and list the first five songs:

• Blood - Day6

• Find Me - Jun Hyoseong (ft. D.Action)

• As If It's Your Last - BLACKPINK

• Show & Tell - Melanie Martinez

• Tomorrow - BTS

6. Grab the nearest book, turn to page 23, what's the 17th line:

ein niedliches Haustier zeigen will."

(Der Insasse - Sebastian Fitzek) (It's a german book and I really couldn't find an english version but the title roughly translates to "The Inmate" (Like in a psychiatry) and the line kinda translates to "want to show a cute pet." but I'm not too sure since it isn't a full sentence.)

7. Ever had a song or poem written about you:

At least not that I would know. But to be honest, why would anybody do that?

8. When was the last time you played air guitar:

I kinda don't do that. When it comes to music I just loudly sing along despite my lacking talent when it comes to singing

9. Celebrity Crush(es):

(Not in order but) Kim Taeyeon (SNSD), Kang Seulgi (Red Velvet), Son Hyejoo (Olivia Hye of LOOΠ∆), Lee Yoobin (Dami of Dreamcatcher) and Kim Minji (JiU of Dreamcatcher)

@uwujusonyeo has to listen to me talk about them like multiple times a day. I'm so sorry bro

10. What's a sound you hate/love:

There are a lot of sounds I somewhat dislike but I hate it the most when there's like a short sound that suddenly stops and then starts again and so on and so on for a long time. Everytime that happens I feel myself wanting to punch a b*

11. Do you believe in ghosts:

To be completely honest I don't give a flying fuck. If they do exist I don't care and if they don't whatever. As long as I don't have to knkw I can look at them my fucks will be given elsewhere

12. Do you believe in aliens:

So, judging by how big the universe is (since I consider infinite rather big), I for sure do believe the earth isn't the only planet with living beings on it. Like didn't they find those micro organisms on that one planet? (I really don't remember which one it was and I just got up about and hour ago so I'm too lazy to look it up.)

So, to answer the question,,, Yes. Yes I do

13. Do you drive:

I'm not even allowed to yet. Here in germany you can only start your driver's license at the age of 16 ½ and start driving at the age of 17 but only if a person over 18, that had their drivers license for at least five years and never got charged for any "crimes" regarding driving, is with you. Sounds complicated but I'd recommend starting your driver's license as long as you're underage here because firstly then you don't have to pay those 2000€+ with money you worked your ass off for but can rather pay it with the money that is given to your parents by the state to care for you. Also you have someone you trust sitting next to you while driving for at least a year which lowers the chance of any panick while driving to appear and to cause accidents.

14. Last book you read:

Heat Wave by Richard Castle. My parent got me that one for my 15th birthday and honestly I was so so so happy

15. Do you like the smell of gasoline:

Yes, I do. I know the planet is dying amd stuff and inhaling the gasses produced by gasoline is dangerous but yes that smell is good 👌

16. The last movie you saw:

The Outcasts (2017) starring Victoria Justice and Eden Sher

It's a really funny movie so I can recommend it

17. Do you have any obsessions right now:

Not really I guess just Minji in Deja Vu era because well,,,

Just look at her okay. She just breathed and my knees are fucking shaking

18. Do you tend to hold grudges:

I uh don't think I do. I don't know. Why don't I know oof

19. Are you in a relationship:

I'm not but at the same time wouldn't mind one

20. Tagging:

So I hope I don't annoy anybody with this,,,

@coo-t @sirlucina @bethesuntomymoon @benoutblocks @perryistired @whtclds @lesbiscotte @graymoonstar21 @windowcurtain @mv-knae

[legendsofentity]

2021 year-in-review meme

@donnas-troia thanks for the tag, as always 💕

1. first things first, did you have a good year?

eh, it had its up and downs, but honestly all things considered it was pretty good

2. how old did you turn this year?

19

3. do you feel your age?

sometimes i do, sometimes i still feel 16, sometimes i feel 60.

4. did your appearance change in anyway?

well i mean i got haircuts, and i also started really working out 5 days a week, and my arms and legs are slightly toned now lol

5. if you travelled, where did you go?

nope lol. didn't leave the country at all.

6. which fashion trends did you love?

what's fashion

7. what fashion trends did you hate?

what's fashion

8. what song sums up this year for you?

unstoppable by the score. in an ironic way ofc.

9. what album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

no idea lol i listened to songs from at least 3 years back

10. what was your favorite movie of the year?

snyder cut, the suicide squad

11. did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

daniela melchior. i saw her as ratcatcher in the suicide squad and i think i'm in love haha

john cena, also in the suicide squad. dude killed it as peacemaker.

12. favorite new tv show?

hawkeye, no doubt

13. which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

WONDERDOVE IS KILLING ME RN 😭

also frostllegra, rachel x rose

14. what food did you try for the first time?

uhhh i tried this blue lagoon drink. it was disgusting. as it turns out, i still don't like alcohol lol

15. did you make any big permanent changes this year?

well i mean i changed my tumblr blog appearance and everything except pfp and name does that count lol

16. what was one nice thing you did for someone else?

i helped my friends with photoshop and video editing

17. what was one nice thing you did for yourself?

i bought comic books with my monthly pay. love comics books.

18. did you develop a new obsession?

SO many. one of them is that i recently started gobbling down at least 8 xiao long bao (soup dumplings) a week. i honestly think i could eat 20 in one sitting if i was allowed to.

oh, and the suicide squad movie.

19. did you vote?

only on youtube polls

20. did you move?

nah.

21. did you get a job?

technically, yes. my last school semester before the military is an internship. in my case, i am working for the IT department of a company that provides extended warranty and technician service.

22. did you get a pet?

no.

23. do you regret not doing anything?

yeah. i regret letting myself get so easily angry this year.

24. do you regret doing something?

ehhh not sure honestly

25. have you done anything that scared you?

don't think so

26. did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

yup, several, but i don't wanna go into detail because a) i get so angry at the smallest things and b) i don't wanna get angry for days again lol

27. did you lose anyone close to you?

no.

28. did you fall in love?

nah.

29. did you fall out of love?

nope.

30. did you start a new relationship?

yeah online friendships

31. did you go through a breakup?

no.

32. did you have to cut ties to someone?

not that i know of.

33. who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year?

not sure, because all my friends are important to me.

34. who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

a few of my irl friends from my class. they had different year 3 paths after we finished year 2 last year, so we haven't really talked since

35. if you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

sure, why not. but something a bit more recent would be preferred, i don't wanna splinter the whole timeline if i go too far back to change something lol

36. what was the best moment of the year for you?

a) whenever i completed a comic book collection

b) whenever i bought a comic book

c) whenever i ate lasagna

d) whenever i got wonderdove crumbs

37. what was the worst?

whenever covid restrictions tightened, and a whole bunch of family-covid related issues happened all at once and it's such a fucking pain to help organise and account for everything. and as i type, i just learned of a family member's death today so i'm kinda shaken up still

38. did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

i honestly thought going to internship would change me and better prepare me and my mindset for the working world but i still feel like a fucking procrastinator lmao

39. did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did?

honestly, nothing much. other than doing exercise on a weekly basis now, nothing much has changed about me.

40. what are you most proud of accomplishing?

managing to get my hands on a few comic collector's items, and got my arms and legs toned from my exercise.

41. what have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

i learned that i have social anxiety, social awkwardness and short temper issues. not great things ;P

42. did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

the titans writers. s3 had so much potential but it kept making me mad.

43. did your opinion of anyone change for the worse?

not really, i don't think...

44. if you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

nope. never made them to begin with.

45. if you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

to survive 2022 lol

46. if you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do? Who would you go with?

i would probably go to australia to enjoy the food and shopping malls there, maybe pick up some k-zone magazines or something.

47. what do you wish for others for the coming year?

good things and happiness. the two aren't always a package deal, so i'll wish both to be sure.

48. what do you wish for yourself?

the same thing i wish for others, good things and happiness.

tagging:

@not-so-mundane-after-all-97

@wilder-fangirl

@joyscott13

@bestavengerromanova

@theheroofhorseshoebay

@caitlinsnow-yayyy

@scorpio-karma

@wonderbatwayne

and anyone else who wants to do it ofc :)

[captainshazamerica]

Yeah it's the same anon 💜 dude my apologies for the amount of crap I've spewed in your ask box but in my defense no one I know gives a shit about batfam or gotham rogues or Alfred (I've gushed here about alfreds fabulousness too opps) anndd I partly blame you for me falling back into the titans trap cuz s1 was meh I forgot I even watched s2 😅 then I seen some titans stuff on your blog and boom my brain latched onto it and now here I am experiencing maternal fear for my son jason 😢you are 1000% right this jason is PERFECTION as robin like actual perfection I dunno why but I thought this robin was like 16? So I was thinkin how tf is 16/17 yo supposed to be redhood!? It work in comics/cartoon but live action 16 y/o redhood seems meh I kinda want the lazarus pit just I freakin want TALIA but I don't think that's gonna happen I dunno

Tbh (this may be biased) but I think the Gotham tv show is literally the best dc comics adaptation of anything ever! it is superior to all thier shows movies animations and the arrowverse at least in my books lol

Tumblr is my only form of 'social media' and I don't keep up with updates or anything about shows cuz I like to pretend the fiction is real and I don't want reality wrecking that for me like hahahaa so I had no clue about timmy or babs but I'm so happy

DUDE YES this is literally the only time I can see bruce ever killing the joker on screen aww please I want it so bad I mean they probably won't but they should cuz this is the only capacity in which batman can kill the joker live action like if down the line somewhere on another show/movie bruce killed joker he prob wouldn't be dead dead or they'd bring him back some way so the kill wouldn't even matter but old bruce killing the joker because he's finally had enough he's old now, jasons death finished him and he's not gonna be batman anymore it's a nice end for batman and the joker, it's the only way we'll ever get this end cuz like you said they'll never have the balls to permanently kill joker any other way in live action everything is aligning perfectly for this to happen so dang dc just freakin let it happen c'mon

Yo whose your first fav rogue? Is it riddler? I feel like mines riddler haven't really thought much about whose my fav gotham rogue but I'd probably say riddler, I prefer the central city rogues but the Gotham rogues are just pure chaos and I'm living for that hahaa

I'd rather superheros/vigilantes/villians in live action not have relationship drama just put them in a relationship or dont like I came for the action and weird super shit not the ordinary relationship drama thankfully titans seem to be doing okay in this aspect I do quite like dickkory a lot but I mean in the supergirl show ughhh I was like I came here for the flying and the dope laser eyes I don't give a shit about her getting a boyfriend like seriously whyyy

My brain decides to jump about obsessing over characters like one week Kory is my wife next week detective grayson is my husband and I AM NIGHTWING then my brain is like no Barbara kean is wifey just basically fictionally I'm married to everyone 😅

Yikes this was so long sorry girl

Omg, pls don't apologize! I get so dang excited whenever i get an ask, yours always make my day, you don't even know! Like same about no one i know caring about dc/batfam! And talking to someone about it is so much better than yelling into the wind here on a text post that no one reads xD Don't stop sending your asks whenever you wanna dump your feels/talk about dc/batfam omg.

And Im so proud I got you into this Titans spiral xD My work here is done hahahaha. But yes, I feel like his looking so young for red hood over shadows how great his jason robin performance was! Love seeing him get that recognition! But yeah, the age is def off, like I cant remember how old they said he was in the show, maybe 16? but too young for red hood in live action form. Like its hard cause in reality 16 year olds and 19 year old boys typically don't look too different, for the most part, while comics you can get get away with it more. Huh, yeah, it doesn't seem like Talia is gonna happen, maybe just maybe a cameo or something? Cause we also weren't expecting joker but here we are(tho it almost looks like he wont be a big plot point/even see him much, it almost looks like it is just showing how brutal gotham is? But like its just the trailer and doesnt always give the full picture so who knows!)

Omg YES about Gotham! I 1000% agree! Im also biased cause its what got me into batman, again like exactly a year ago! It got me into the world like no other media of dc had before!(well, Shazam did, i guess tech thats the start of my interest in dc/first time i read the comics, but gotham is what really got me into this spiral). I hate how much hate it gets, like yeah its not perfect and they took creative liberties obviously, but i 100% agree that its the best adoption of DC yet! 100%! Its so nice to see the characters and rogues fleshed out more. I feel like it successfully did what Nolan tried to do in terms of making it dark and realistic, but in a way that was more accurate and true to the comics! I wish it wasn’t canceled so early and thus the last season had to be so rushed :(

thats smart, i typically dont look for spoilers and stuff anymore but I just got so hyper focused that I had to look at least what the stars were putting out on social media, but yeah, i use to get so caught up in all that that it took the fun out of seeing it live.

Oh my gosh, that would seriously be the PERFECT end to batman and joker story in this universe omg. Amen about all that! And like it would hopefully show Jason how much he cares? So maybe Bruce would kill him after red hood emerges? It will be interesting to see hat causes Jason to be so dang pissed in this version.

ahaha yes riddler is my fav! (my header gave it away didn’t it xD) I love most Riddlers but ESPECIALLY gotham riddler, Ed is like one of my fav character of all time. Oooh, I don’t know central city rogues all that well(well, way more than Metropolis rogues, I know so little about superman world), like I know some from the first 3 and a half seasons of the flash (I watched a couple years ago but got busy with school and couldn’t keep up and just never caught up/didnt have motivation to finish(plus i forgot so much id have to rewatch everything again), but I saw they finally just introduced Bart Allen, so I have have to randomly jump back in for a bit cause Bart is one of my favsss), and the ones in the cartoons and stuff

Ha! true, i dont mind it when its for character development or if I happen to be super into the ship(like Nygmakins in Gotham omg, I know they are super unpopular but they are like one of my OTPs omg), I feel like it has to be balanced right/not too much focus on the drama of the relationship over everything else. Like a minor subplot is good but don’t make it the focus of the show. And yeah , supergirl never appealed to me cause of that reason! i like drama and not JUST action (I like psychological drama, as long as there is comfort to follow xD) but yea i get what u mean by too much relationship focus . I think, for the most part, Gotham did that pretty well.

omg i love the disaster bi vibes you are giving off xD But omg I feel the jumping around thing so much ahaha. Like right now the 4 robins are constantly on rotation on who I’m obsessing over at the moment tbh xD

Omg mine responses are just as long, don’t apologize!!!! <333333333333333

[eds-zebra-warrior]

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 10 Prompt: Mental Health)

I deal with Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Complex PTSD. They all effect me in some way and depression is something I never dealt with much when I was younger. It seemed to really hit hard around the age of 25 when my health took its most drastic decline. Complex PTSD and Depression run hand and hand and result very much from being sick and not being able to get appropriate help for this. Complex PTSD goes much deeper and this condition is the one what I will explain more in depth.

At age 5 was when my mom first brought up my chronic pain to my pediatrician. He brushed it off saying “she probably just heard it from a grandparent or one of you who said their back hurt and they got attention for it so is copying them for the same attention. At age 8 I was seen for a UTI and was told, she's too young for UTIs but it may just be puberty coming on. Later that year I was taken to children's for passing out and like the UTI they told my parents not to worry about it. I’m probably just going into puberty and about to start my period which didn't happen until I was almost 15. When I was 10 I saw a doctor for my spinal curvature that I have had all my life but no one did anything about until this time. He took an x-ray and talked to my mom. She asked about a back brace to correct it and he said "absolutely not. braces only cause more problems and will make her muscles too weak. Now I'm being asked "why didn't they ever give you a scoliosis brace? If you wear a brace as a kid your spine will adjust to it and it will straighten as you grow, correcting itself. As an adult all they can do is fuse your spine. Your doctor ruined you. If he braced you as a kid you wouldn't have the pain and degeneration of the disks you have now." to make things worse they put me in chiropractic's which messed my back up even worse and the forceful cracking wore down my disks further. It took until I was 16 for anyone to realize the harm being caused and the chiropractors agreed that I should not receive further treatment but the damage was already done.

My mom complained about my GI issues since I had surgery at 4 days old. Being told I just have IBS and need to eat more Fiber where I only got worse to the point I had to be put into colonics for regular treatment also starting at around 10 years old. Having essentially a hose shoved up your butt and then having everything vacuumed out isn't fun, especially for a 10 year old. At age 12 the woman who did my colonics finally brought attention to my doctor by telling her how difficult it was to remove my chronic intestinal blockages where I was then told that I would have 80/90 percent of my colon removed. My insurance made me get a second opinion and due to my age this doctor said absolutely not and it never happened.

When I was 13 I had just gone to a camp for kids ages 12-14 where we got to camp overnight at Magic Mountain where we pulled an all-nighter there. It's one of those family fun centers for kids with arcade games, indoor laser tag, go karts, and of course the tunnels you can crawl around and play in. Everyone thought it was really special as it's usually only open to kids under 48 inches tall but also having juvenile dwarfism and just starting HGH, me and one other kid were the only ones still short enough to play in the tunnels on normal business days but we were all crawling through those hard plastic tunnels all night, the next morning my mom picked me up and I had probably over 50 bruises on my arms, legs, near the bony structures of my spine etc. so she took me to the doctor suspecting anemia and since it wasn't anemia my doctor jumped to the conclusion of child abuse. At age 14 I was finally diagnosed with Celiac Disease. The GI issues continued while others improved. I did a little better until I was 15 when I started having to go to the hospital at least once a month for symptoms such as heart palpitations, chest pain, trouble breathing etc. and this is when the real medical abuse and neglect started.

This same year, I was banned from Mount Carmel East Hospital for being a frequent flyer and diagnosed with Hypochondriasis and as an attention seeker. They asked my mom not to bring me back but by law they have to treat someone if they show up to the hospital so one day my mom took me to the ER again at age 16 for chest pain and palpitations. I was lying in the hospital bed with my mom sitting in the extra chair when I flatlined. No one came into the room so my mom ran down the hall and grabbed my nurse pleading for help. My nurse told her they heard the alarms and they are just ignoring me and suggested that my mom do the same thing. I probably just pulled one of my leads off because I’m known for being an attention seeker and they feed on attention from things like this.” My mom ran into my room and started CPR herself which she took when I was 6 before becoming a girl scout leader. Back then the ER did not have walls between rooms, instead just having a curtain on three sides. The nurse went into the room beside mine while my mom did CPR. When my mom revived me I took a big gasp for air and the nurse heard this, ran into my room, checked my leads and realized they were all connected and my heart had in fact stopped. She called the doctor who listened to me and left the room. He came back an hour later and said he was releasing me saying “You seem fine now. You’ve been here an hour and nothing else has happened so this is probably just one of those flukes. You know a one time thing that will never happen again so as far as I’m concerned there's no need to keep you” and he sent me home.

Of course it wasn't just a one time thing; this happened a second time in which the same thing happened then a third time in which I had a seizure at school and they sent me to the hospital. The hospital hooked me up to the monitors and I again later flat lined. They came in with the crash cart and pulled my gown down and started charging the paddles, preparing to shock me when I went into a grand mal seizure and my heart started. It had stopped for 57 seconds and the hospital admitted me for the seizures. When I started having seizures they ran four, yes four drug tests, one urine and three blood tests believing I was on drugs and every tune tine the came back they believed they were somehow wrong and would re-test me then brought in a case manager to interrogate me and demand I tell her what I took that may not be showing up on the test. Eventually they did an EEG and diagnosed me with epilepsy but did nothing about my heart the whole time I was there eventually sending me home and referring me to a neurologist. None of the meds they put me on helped and she moved away with no answers so my doctor referred me to another neurologist who again was stumped but noticed I had an arrhythmia so referred me to a cardiologist.

The cardiologist ordered a tilt table test and I had a 4:30 pm appointment. I went in for the test and was lied back. I had told him about the history of coding and seizures but since it went in my medical records I didn't know if he believed me. He put me on the table and eventually tilted it up telling me that I may pass out but I’m in the right place and to let them know if I felt funny. After being stood up, the nurse asked how I felt. I said fine. A minute later she checked in again and I said I felt fine. About 5 seconds after I said fine all I could get out of my mouth was “Uh-ohh” and next thing I knew the table was flat and I was waking up to about 12 people in the room. The doctor told me not only did I pass out but my heart stopped but he had good news. He told me he was able to save me some paddle burns from being shocked thanks to what I told him about the seizure seemingly restoring my heart rate. He decided to inject me with adrenalin to see if he could simulate the same response the seizure caused and it worked. He then told me I had two choices, get an emergency pacemaker put in there or they can life flight me to Cleveland Clinic to see if they have any other options for me. I chose the pacemaker and they took me to x-ray so he could see the structure of my heart before he did it. The x-ray came back abnormal because I had a smaller than normal heart that was tubular shaped instead of round. He placed the pacemaker and later pulled my past records to find in every imaging study I had done since the age of 4 days old I had this same congenital heart defect but no one ever diagnosed it. It took 23 years for a diagnosis and had probably been having shorter cardiac arrests all my life.

When I was 19 I lost the ability to walk the first time and went to Grant where they did a spinal tap and a brain CT for M.S. I was told I have Psychosomatic Personality disorder because both were negative for M.S. I was kept 8 days where they worked on my waking and the nurse and both PT's told the doctor they didn't think this was Psychosomatic in nature and more testing should be done. He said that would be up to my doctor and this time wasn't nearly as bad as the third time. I could stand with a walker and after about 6 days the PT's no longer had to hold part of my weight with the gait belt. I used the walker. After two days of this I was able to make it the 10 feet or so to the bathroom on the walker with just the PT's holding my gait belt just in case for precaution and not holding my weight so they sent me home with outpatient PT where I learned to walk without assistance again in about two months and walk normally again in about 4 or 5 months.

At PT they put me into in aquatic therapy and my stomach swelled up like I was 9 months pregnant within about 12 hours time. I also started going to the bathroom like a normal person for once in my life, between twice a day and once every other day. My mom took me to children's urgent care. I was still 19 and my mom just always wanted to go with me so I let her. They did a pregnancy test and I wasn't pregnant so they sent me to grant. I went to Grant where the ER doctor asked if I was sexually active and at 19 I was still a virgin. I told them no and said there was no chance of pregnancy. He pulled my mom out I'd the room and told her that kids my age tend to lie about pregnancy and how urgent care did a urine pregnancy test and he wanted to do a blood pregnancy test which is more accurate. My mom told him I was 19 and first of all you can't go from a totally flat stomach to looking 9 months pregnant in 12 hours and secondly that he legally needs to be talking to me and not her where he went in and loudly accused me of having unprotected sex, being irresponsible and need to go to an OBGYN, not a hospital when I screw up and get pregnant. I kept telling him I wasn't pregnant and he said "yeah… right… well see about that, I think I know what pregnancy looks like" did the blood test and came back an hour later and said "GREAT NEWS! You're not pregnant! You can get dressed and go home now" Then release me with paperwork on pregnancy prevention methods.

A few weeks later I was still swollen up so bad I looked like I was 9 months pregnant and now having bloody bowel movements and my mom took me to Mount Carmel where I later found out I got from the pool at riverside during aquatic therapy because a ton of patients ended up getting C-Diff. Their pool was shut down and they got in trouble for insufficient chemical levels and had to also start making patients sign a consent form that they didn't have diarrhea or abdominal pain the day of therapy since someone obviously did have C-Diff and used the pool as a public toilet. I wasn't pregnant and had C-Diff the whole time, going to all of my college classes when I had something contagious the whole time.

At 27 when I went fully paralyzed the hospital tried to diagnose me with conversion disorder same goes for the two years prior when I developed a limp that got worse and worse until I lost all ability to walk (all three mean the same thing, it's all in your head) At the ER they set me up with a team of four neurologists and four Psychiatrists where one Neurologist came in on the sixth day and said "Okay the gig is up. Quit wasting our time and resources, I know you can walk '' Picked me up out of the bed and just let go dropping me onto the hard tile floor. He was shocked that I went crashing into the tile floor and left me there for a good two minutes while he paced saying "oh my god, I've never seen anything like this. this isn't conversion disorder, it can't be right? I've never seen anything like it. her automatic reflex to catch herself didn't kick in. In conversion disorder she still would have tried to break her fall. I've just never seen anything like this. I've never seen anything like this." before putting me back in bed and leaving the room

Later that day he returned with neurologist two, telling him to pick me up and drop me, not telling him what would happen. This in turn made neurologist 2 believe I would catch myself and this is why neurologist one had asked him to pick me up and drop me. When I didn't do this, hitting the floor again like a ton of bricks, he was equally shocked and so was the first neurologist since it happened twice in a row, he called in neurologist three and had him drop me, with the same thing happening and then later neurologist four. Neurologist four refused to pick me up and drop me saying the other two neurologists had already told him what happened. Neurologist one was very persistent, Insisting that he must see this with his own eyes. Neurologist one, then picked me up and dropped me for the fourth time leaving neurologist one both looking shocked and mad.

That evening, my dinner was brought to me and I started to take the lid off when here comes Neurologist one into my room with one of the psychiatrists. Again, he picked me up and dropped me in front of him. The Psychiatrist said "This isn't psychological." They left the room and right before shift change all four Neurologists and all four Psychiatrists came into the room. The Physiatrists took a seat on the couch and the neurologists stood when neurologist one looked at the other three psychiatrists and said "You haven't seen this yet. I have to show you. One said "No... we heard, leave her in her bed, another said "Yeah we heard all about it, we don't need to see it." I don't know if it is even important or not but I forgot to mention that Neurologist 1 was Indian and had a thick accent. Anyhow, Neurologist one, again insisted that they see what happened and for the sixth time, picked me up out of bed, stood me up and just let go leaving me to hit the tile floor like a ton of bricks. Neurologist 4 tried jump forward and catch me and this time since I was dropped closer to the bed I also tried to grab the bottom bed rail on the way down but just smacked my arm into it. Neurologist 6 didn't get to me on time either so I hit the floor again and when I hit, I went fully bladder inconsonant peeing all over myself. They put me in the bed and I couldn't control my bladder so after changing the Chux pad 4 times they put me in diapers.

The doctors left me there for another day , now covered in bruises doing nothing as far as tests but sent a case manager in to say I could no longer live alone and when my parents mentioned me moving in with them with home health care. The case manager said she believes I need more intensive care than what can be provided at home and I needed to go into a long term care facility for young adults. I got so depressed at this point I was suicidal because I had been pulled out of work only about 6 months prior from my PCP, lost the ability to walk, a lot of other symptoms were new so I as primarily bedridden and had no custom wheelchair and stuck using a really uncomfortable, broken and wobbly folding wheelchair that used to be my grandmas and was too small for me as she was only 4’7” in her 90s and I’m 5’1” Possibly 5’2” or 5’3” if it weren't for my spinal curvature and had no leg rests so we had to tie an exercise band around the bottom of the chair for me to put my feet on to keep my feet off the ground and the bottom of my legs under my knees were higher than the seat so I had to put a pillow under my legs or just deal with my legs leaned to one side. Lastly in the last 12 hours I went from using a toilet to peeing all over myself and in diapers. Ultimately they were unable to find a long term care facility of any kind that could take me either because of my dietary restrictions or my age and I was sent home with my parents on home health care and with no reason I was paralyzed.

It took two years to finally get an MRI done due to the perseverance of my cardiologist of all people but of course when I went to Cleveland Clinic to get them done, the first thing the tech says to me is "we've never done one of these before but I Google it this morning. We don't have the right parts for this kind of MRI but I think we can Jimmy rig it. That's when I knew they were going to be a big problem. I was right. We got a good enough MRI to know I was paralyzed but the flexion/extension portion was totally unusable so to this day I'm still fighting the government and insurance to cover an upright MRI out of state since they can't do the flexion/extension in Ohio.

My mom requested my tonsils be removed when I was 6 and was persistent in asking at almost every appointment she attended if mine because I got strep 2-5 times a year and was told over and over again my tonsils were huge but I would grow into them. At 21 I was sent to an ENT at Ohio ENT for sinus infections where my ENT got on my mom for not being persistent when I was young about getting my tonsils removed and how its her fault and I need them removed and how much more pain I'm going to be in because she didn't push hard enough to get them removed when I was a kid then when he removed them he came out while I was still in on the table to show her my tonsils and showed her how infected they were and picking green stones out of them to show her and blaming it all on her. He also did a termination reduction and septoplasty. I was sent home to call them an hour and a half later because my nose was bleeding so bad. They told me it's normal. I called back an hour after that to tell them I used 3/4ths of the gauze and was told I need to calm down, the surgery went fine and bleeding is normal. I then called back a third time two hours later and told them I went through the whole stack of 2000 gauze pads, saturated two washcloths and was now using a towel that had a large spot now covered in blood and felt like I was going to pass out when the nurse pauses and said "he sent you home with a whole pack of gauze? Usually we only give out about 20, so your telling me you went through a whole 2000 pack of gauze?" I said they were in a paper package that was unopened and said 2000, 4"x4" medical grade gauze" and she told me to get back to the hospital immediately.

When I got there they found he didn't cauterize the incision in my nose where they did the septoplasty and pulled out a section of bone so had to numb me up and cauterize it to stop the bleeding than give me iron pills and an iv infusion to replace my blood volume. They sent me home and the tonsillectomy was a simple recovery but the termination reduction and septoplasty which I was told would be an easy recovery was by far the most painful and worst surgery I've ever had. After the bleeding stopped I noticed my nose ran all the time, especially when I tilted my head forward. I was in the nursing program at the time and mentioned a CSF leak to the surgeon at the follow up. He said everything went perfect… even though it wasn't because I had to go back for the bleeding and sent me home. A month later he saw me again and I told him again I really thought I had a CSF leak from the turbinate reduction and he said "I know what I'm doing. I don't make mistakes and you don't have a CSF leak" I have gone through a large box of tissues around once a week since then told by doctors in the spring and summer, it's just allergies and in the winter, "everyone's nose runs in the winter" to find out this year when I finally found a doctor versed in EDS that I in fact have a CSF leak but now he can't find a doctor who knows how to repair it in EDS patients.

Drug tests, pregnancy tests and STD testing are the first things the hospital always does. Even now at almost 33 years old, the one good symptom of EDS is that you look much younger than you really are and even that can be a double edged sword. You look like you're younger than I am. In my 30s people still guess me to be between the ages of 14 and 19. When you go to the hospital, even with your age being on the paperwork, people discriminate and look at you, treating you as if you're the age you look rather than your true age, jumping to the conclusion of drugs.

When I was 29 I went to Mount Carmel for my chronic pain and was left in a special waiting room they have for drug addicts for 9 hours. I begged them to drug test me, even offering to let them come into the bathroom to watch. I was in so much pain, this was right after I was paralyzed and not yet in pain management so not on anything. They refused to do a drug test and when I went into shock my mom begged them to take me back and help me. they kept telling her I was an addict and my mom kept telling them "how would you even know. She's been asking you to drug test her since she got here and you put her in this room. It's quite obvious what this room is for and you've refused to do any kind of testing, urine, blood, anything so how can you call her an addict when you won't even do a blood test." The staff kept yelling at me for lying on a blanket on the waiting room floor and telling me to get into a chair which made the pain worse. It got so bad my mom later told me that the other patients were yelling and cussing out the staff telling them they need to take me back, one even openly admitted she was an addict and has been around addicts most of her adult life and that I'm not an addict because she would know. My mom said even a teenager was yelling at a nurse to take me back and one threatened to call the cops for patient abuse. About an hour after there was a borderline riot in the waiting room over me they finally took me back.

When I was 30, I was admitted into OSU Medical center presenting with extreme abdominal pain, the inability to hold down any kind of food and struggling to hold down water and bowel movements that were almost straight blood. Red blood with black clots. The first few days the doctors took me seriously. No one assessed my bowel movements except my nurse and she and I couldn't get anyone to but the doctor told me he was going to put on a feeding tube the following morning because my blood work kept getting worse and worse. I weighed 110 lbs. normally but had dropped to 91 lbs. The next morning Dr S walked in and said he was releasing me to go home. I told him the doctor said he was doing the feeding tube today while they ran more tests and he said "well he's not here today and now I'm your doctor and there's nothing wrong with you so you're going home."

My mom then stepped in and said "you're joking right. Half of her blood work is coming. Back abnormal, no one but this nurse had bothered to even look at her bowel movements and she's lost 9 lbs. in a week and mornings wrong!" The nurse then spoke up and said "with all due respect I really think you should look at this patient's bowel movements." he got very defensive yelling and saying he diagnosed me with Anorexia and General psychosis and sent a referral to OSU Psychiatry. I need cognitive behavioral therapy. I then called my GI doctor while my mom argued with him saying she refused to take me home like this because she's afraid I'd go home and die. My blood sugar had been dangerously low and I couldn't eat so she's not taking me home to die. Dr Shadchehr started yelling that he was calling securely to escort us out if we don't leave because I'm not medically I'll. I'm mentally ill and anorexic so refusing to eat

I spoke to my GI doctor on speaker phone and he told my mom to take me Straight to Riverside. Dr S laughed a sarcastic laugh saying they won't see you.

We went to Riverside and They took me straight back. The doctor walked in and said. "I've heard all about you. Your doctor at OSU told me you were coming. You were treated by him and right here it says general Psychosis and Anorexia. You have a diagnosis, he said you're perfectly healthy so there is no need for me to see you today. He sent a referral to a psychiatrist so I recommend you follow up with her. I had to wait a little over a week to get get into the psychiatrist and continued bleeding and losing weight in that time but finally the day came.

I went to the psychiatrist the next week and I'm a Paraplegic so I wheeled back to her office. After she talked to me and my mom for a few minutes. As soon as I got back she said "so what is it I'm supposed to be seeing you for?" I said, ``Apparently I'm Anorexic and crazy" she said "no really, why are you here?" I told her basically because I have to be and explained what happened in the hospital. She said she looked at my medical tests and things before I got there and did some psych evaluations and then said sure you're a little depressed but who wouldn't be, going through what you're going through but I have good news and bad news. Good news is you're not Anorexic or have any kind of psychosis or any kind of serious mental illnesses. The bad news is, I can't help you. The doctor recommended CBT but not all the CBT is going to fix a physical health problem and a very serious one at that. She then went on a tangent saying "I am so VERY sorry this is happening to you.

I can't tell you how many times this happens where these narcissistic, know or all doctors send me patients line you who are very sick with a physical health condition and try to pawn it off on a mental health problem, endangering your lives because they don't want to admit they actually don't know something. If I had to guess I would say that at least 90 percent or more doctors develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point in their career and many by the time they get their PhD and they are the worst patients to have because of course they have NPD so believe they know it all but they are also Doctors so believe they know everything there is to know medically which means they are the least likely to seek help or treatment for this because they believe you're wrong. That right, they aren't mentally ill and you're wrong so never get help and continue to abuse and neglect patients like you for the rest of their career or until someone dies and they lose their license." she said "I'm going to read you the letter he sent me and show you. I can confidently diagnose him without even seeing him in person just because his letter is so grandiose." She read me his letter pointing out all the parts where he showed signs of narcissism in his writing which was almost every sentence and sometimes more than once in a sentence and said it's one of the worst cases she has seen and she was going to write to OSU and suggest he be removed as a traveling doctor there. She then gave me her card and said to contact her if anything ever comes up that she can help and apologized again for what he did to me wishing me luck in finding a medical doctor who will listen and can figure out what's wrong.

By the next week it had been three weeks since still bleeding and all I had been able to keep down in that tone was just under two cans of chicken broth, a small fruit smoothie, about six spoonful of mashed potatoes over several tries, the hospital gave me a peach fruit cup and I got down half of one slice of a peach, one and a half Popsicles and about 4-12 ounces if water or juice a day so was really dehydrated, really anemic from blood loss, really malnourished and had dropped from 110 lbs. to 72 lbs. I'm 5'1" by the way. I was to the point I couldn't even roll over without passing out and had to be pushed to the bathroom with my head between my knees because I kept passing out just sitting up. I couldn't go to the hospital because Dr. S had called them and convinced them I was totally insane. My mom didn't have any more PTO and went to work. I was so sick I literally thought I was going to die and wrote a note on my arm in sharpie saying who I was if I was found, what I originally went to the hospital for so they knew I was sick, my mom's contact info and a letter to my parents telling them how much I loved them and passed out twice just from holding my arms up. I was so sick and this doctor ruined my chance to get hospital care.

I then made one last stitch effort to save myself. I had told them at the ER that I had started three new meds. I managed to call the manufacturer on speaker phone with the phone lying on my chest without passing out and the first place I called was the manufacturer of Northera. They forwarded the call to one of their lab doctors. I explained my symptoms and the first thing he said was "Oh my God! A DOCTOR sent you home like this! He then said " Listen I need you to get to the ER NOW. You should probably call a squad. You are having a severe side effect from Northera and I can't believe the hospital would even consider sending you home without looking into these. I believe this doctor sent you home in life threatening condition with a condition called Gastric Ischemia. Northera is manufactured to raise your blood pressure. But in some cases it can raise your blood pressure on only certain parts of the body, usually the GI system. It can cause blood pressure to get so high that the blood vessels in your intestines and GI tract to spontaneously rupture. You are internally bleeding and can die very easily from this and I'm honestly shocked you're talking to now so you need to get to hospital asap. I told him I can't because Dr S called the other hospitals and told them I'm crazy and they just sent me home without doing anything. He said "If they won't take you, call back and have them transfer your call back to me. I will listen for your call and speak to them on your behalf. I then let him go and knowing that the ER wasn't an option.

I called my neurologists office who prescribed it. My doctor wasn't there but they called Northera and called me back saying they were getting me in with another one of their doctors and to get there as soon as I could. I had to call my mom and they let her leave work to take me. When I got there and the doctor saw me he instantly got furious that Dr S sent me home in life threatening condition. He assessed me, said I definitely have Gastric Ischemia, took me off Northera and sent me to get albumin, iron, a banana bag, fluids and a bunch of other meds to build up my blood volume because I was sent home internally bleeding for so long, they tried to replenish my electrolytes, vitamins and minerals since almost everything came back as low to very low on the blood test, pain meds, a ton of stomach meds like Zofran, Famotidine, something they said coats my stomach and intestinal lining and kept me there all day.

They didn't give me any kind of calories but told me only drink juice or things high on calories and to come back if I don't improve on 48 hours and said they want me to be eating within 48 hours, said it would be a liquid diet and I'll probably be on a liquid diet for a whole until my GI system has had time to heal and to take it slow. Work on a liquid diet and maybe try thicker foods like cottage cheese and work my way up to soft food and eventually solid food. Told me I can try things if I want to but it could take a few months to get back to a totally normal diet. About 36 hours later I got a half of a cherry icy down. By the next day I was able to eat two cans of chicken broth and 24 oz of juice and improved from there. I was on a liquid diet for about 3 weeks, a soft diet gradually going from really thin things line yogurt, pudding and apple sauce to mashed potatoes that weren't so watery they poured off the spoon to things with some spices line pot roast blended up on the blender with ensure and eventually macaroni and cheese. It took me about weeks to graduate from Mac and cheese to solid food like cereal or real meat but I did struggle eating only solid food for a while. My GI system was so damaged it had to basically learn to work again.

August 2019 my mom went in for a gallbladder removal and told the surgeon she had EDS like I do. I woke up that morning feeling a total sense of doom like something bad was going to g happen and that my mom shouldn't have the surgery done. We got ready and went to the surgical center. She signed in and my mom, dad and I took a seat. That's when I told my mom I think she should cancel it and that I have a horrible feeling about this but couldn’t explain why. She just kind of laughed it off and said it would be fine. I kept telling her it's not too late to back out and she can always get a second opinion until they call her back to prep her for surgery. Once they prepped her they called me and my dad back to sit with her.

The surgeon Dr K came in the room and that's when I knew things would be really bad. I have always said that if a doctor comes in wearing an expensive suit or really expensive looking pin skirt and suit jacket to run and if they come in wearing khaki pants or a more basic pair of slacks or jeans like anyone can find at a place like TJ Maxx and a polo, regular old button up shirt that is like plaid or not too fancy or a basic blouse than they are the good doctors. The fancier they are the worse their sense of ethics and medical capabilities. When you have a doctor walk in wearing what looks like a custom made suit, tailored perfectly to their body, dress shoes shined to the point you can see your own reflection in them, golden cufflinks, a massive ring on their hand or even worse, multiple rings, pocket liner with a big chunky fancy and custom engraved pen in their pocket with hair styled to perfection than you better run for your life… Well her surgeon walked in and his outfit probably cost more than the most expensive suit that Donald Trump or Bill Gates himself could even rationalize buying with an ego to match. That's when I started asking questions like how many surgeries he has done and his success rate. I also told him my mom has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and asked him how familiar he is with the condition and the surgical protocol surrounding it. He condescendingly replied that knew how to do surgery on EDS patients then explained what they were going to do as if we were total idiots. When he left the room I basically pleaded with my mom to cancel it and find another surgeon, telling her again I had a terrible feeling about this whole thing and meeting the surgeon just confirmed my bad feelings about all of this. The nurse and anesthesiologist came to get her and as she was being wheeled out the last thing I said as she was being wheeled down the hall was “It's not too late.”

She went through with the surgery and almost the whole time she was in surgery I was practically burning holes in the carpet with my wheels packing and shaking. My moms had a lot of surgeries and some more major than this and I have had quite the list of surgeries myself. My dad is the one who has only been put to sleep twice but I have never been like this during any of our surgeries. Usually I’m just like “bye mom, good luck!” and I'm pretty content about things. Of course there's always a bit of anxiety but it’s nothing major. Honestly, I'm usually way less anxious than most people are but this time I was a mess. My mom came out of surgery sooner than expected and soon after they let me and my dad come back to see her.

The first thing she said when we walked in her room was "sometimes wrong. I told them and they didn't believe me" the nurse came in and said the surgery was a success and said she would leave the surgical center in a half hour. I brought up the fact that my mom felt like something was wrong and the nurse asked what was wrong and my mom said she just doesn't feel good at all. The nurse blew it off on being groggy from the anesthesia and left the room. My mom went downhill from there. A half hour came and an hour later they came in and said “well some people need to stay a little longer than others. This is normal, it just depends how quick you clear the anesthesia. I told them, with EDS we usually need extra to stay asleep because me metabolizes it quicker than someone without EDS which again they blew off and the nurse walked out. She started having extreme pain which they blamed on the fact that they filled her abdomen with air to remove her gallbladder, Her blood pressure started dropping which they blamed on anxiety. She was, white as a ghost.

The doctor came in 3.5 hours later to check on her and kept asking if she was ready to go home trying to get her out and this is when we noticed he was acting strange, like he was nervous himself and was trying to get rid of her. Soon after she started having trouble breathing and they had to put oxygen on her. At this point I blatantly asked him if he nicked her liver and he offensively said he hadn’t. After about 6 hours my mom was literally yelling in agony any time she was moved because the pain was so intense. Her blood pressure was in the 70s/40s and at that point, having a lot of medical knowledge between nursing school and my experiences with EDS I started telling them they needed to send her to the hospital and flat out told the doctor he screwed up. He got really defensive and mad but he still left her there and every time he came in he was so nervous himself that he couldn't stand still and was basically dancing in place. I kept asking him what he did because I could tell he knew what he did and he just kept saying the surgery went perfectly and some people's bodies just over react so they need to stay a little longer. They kept saying it was normal and she would go home soon.

Nine hours later her blood pressure was bottoming out and of course they had to close and everyone wanted to go home so he couldn't keep her any more and just hope she magically got better, they finally decided to send her to the hospital. They called the squad and the doctor started filling out paperwork for transfer. The paramedics loaded my mom up with her screaming and crying out in agony the entire time. They were ready to go and the nurse asked Dr Keith if he was done with his paperwork that goes to the ER with my mom and he replied saying wait a second. I want to make sure I word this the right way. When I’m done look this over for me. I need to make sure I dot all of my I’s and cross my Ts to make sure I cover my butt.” She agreed to look at it, both thinking no one heard during all of the commotion which I happened to be recording, which is one benefit to being in a chair. You can put your phone on record and lay it on your lap, against your stomach and no one notices but I knew he screwed up and wanted all the documentation I could get. You can hear the paramedics and my mom yelling more than anything but I have no doubt if I downloaded this onto a computer and was able to adjust the sounds that you could hear the doctor say this.

She was taken to Mount Carmel where they ran blood work and realized quickly that she was internally bleeding. They gave her two units of blood and then admitted her. giving her more during the night when moving from the gurney to the ER bed and from the ER bed to the admission bed she screamed in agony and pain. The next morning we visited my mom at the hospital. She looked terrible but said she was feeling better... I think wishful thinking and asked me to bring my service dog for her to visit with later that afternoon. Little did we know, she was so sick and her blood levels were so low that she remembers little to nothing from about a half hour after being brought out of surgery at the surgical center. My dad and I went home for lunch and to get my service dog Maggie and when we were pulling into the parking garage we got a call from a surgeon at the hospital

He said my mom was crashing, they had called rapid response and they couldn't wait for more imaging and tests to find the site of the bleeding. They had to go to emergency exploratory surgery and to get to the hospital now. I told him we were in the parking garage and he told us to meet him upstairs in the ICU waiting room which was shared with the drop down unit she was originally placed in. When we got there The surgeon told us they moved her to the ICU wing. He said she seemed to be stable earlier this morning but suddenly her vitals went and she started crashing. The nurse called rapid response who was giving her blood to try to stabilize her enough for surgery right now because as things stand she would never make it through surgery so they were trying to bring her vitals up and stabilize her enough to operate. He told us he doesn't believe in giving people false hope and wanted to be honest with us, saying things didn't look good at all but if we want to go ahead with surgery he would try his best. He said it was our decision if we wanted to try exploratory surgery or let her go and he wouldn’t judge us for either decision we made again telling us how bad things were but also saying she seems to have a lot of willpower. I signed the paper to have them do the surgery as my mom put me as the person to make these decisions for her care. He then told us that at this point, when a patient is as critical as she is, whether they make it through surgery or not is no longer up to the surgeon but up to the patient and their willpower to fight. He asked if I had any questions for him and I said “There's no time for questions, just please, I’m begging you, do your best to save my mom. We still need her. He told us rapid response was in her room so there will be a lot of people so it's pretty crazy in there right now but told us he suggested that we go in, tell her goodbye and make our peace with her now just in case because we may or may not have another chance to.

We went to the ICU and I stopped right outside the hall where a nurse came walking up. At this point I started crying telling my dad to go in and told him I can't because we had Maggie with and Service dogs aren't allowed into the ICU but to tell my mom I love her. The nurse then said “Just go ahead into the room. You’re in the hospital a lot too aren't you? I said yeah. He said “I knew I had seen you two around here before. I’ve seen her and trust me, she’s way more behaved and better trained than most of the so-called service dogs other people bring in here. The only thing that worries me is that she will get stepped on because there's a lot going on in there��. I picked her up and put her on my lap and he said “Perfect” He took us to her room and told us to try to get up by the bed to see her but also try to stay out of the way of rapid response. Being an interpreter and also going to school for nursing I quickly spotted out the best place to be without then having to tell me. There were four people in her room working on her, one left from the right side of her bed to go grab some more blood and there was a couch beside her bed that was up against the right wall but about 2.5 feet from the back wall so I told my dad to go into the hole where the couch wasn't against the back wall and went in after him parking my chair right in front of him and with my knees under the edge of the back of my moms bed so we could both reach her.

The rapid response guy came back and I asked if I was in his way and he said no, not at all and that he will have to remember this because that's a good spot for people to stand and be out of the way. She had 4 double lumen lines going into her connected to four bags of blood, antibiotics, and a ton of other bags of medications. Somehow she was still awake and talking. We told her we loved her and needed her, to keep fighting and I told her Maggie was here too and needed her grandma and put my mom's hand on her head. My mom said hi to her and told us she wasn't going anywhere. Interestingly, this was one of the only things she remembers from the whole experience. She later said she remembered thanking me when they were taking her down to surgery that she made me a promise not to go anywhere so she better not break it lol. They wheeled her out of the room and as they were going out of the room I told one of the nurses that she had Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

They sent us down to surgical waiting. In surgical waiting they told us that it's hard to tell how long surgery will last because it depends how hard it is to figure out what's going on during exploratory surgery but at the very least we are looking at 2 hours. I asked if we had time to take my service dog home and drop her off since if she made it out she would be back in ICU and she said we should have plenty of time. We live about 12 minutes away from the hospital so ran home and dropped Maggie off. On the way I called her brother and mom and updated them. Of course when we got home my Autistic dad goes into the kitchen and starts pouring chicken broth into a pot and filling up another with water to make himself some mashed potatoes and noodles so I had to stop him and tell him there was no time for that and if he was really that hungry grab something quick like a sandwich because we had to get back to the hospital. He asked why, saying they said at least two hours. I told him because we need to be there in case something goes wrong. He grabbed a sandwich and a bag of chips and we went back to the hospital.

We got back 35 minutes after we had left and when we went into the waiting room my aunt and uncle were in there and said they called my mom this morning and said they were going to visit but when they went to her room, someone else was in there and they told them she was in surgery. She asked why we didn't call and tell them. We said we didn't know they were coming and it's an emergency surgery so we didn't know it was happening ourselves until about an hour ago. 45 minutes after they took her back, a nurse came out and told us they were done. I asked if she was okay since “were done” doesn't say much, not even if she survived or not. She just said that the doctor said he would meet us up stairs in the same waiting room he spoke with us in before surgery. We went upstairs and he never came. After 45 minutes of waiting for the doctor my aunt and uncle left. An hour went by and no one came. After an hour and 15 minutes I couldn't wait any longer so went back down stairs while my dad stayed upstairs and told the surgical waiting nurse we had been up there for over an hour and the doctor still hasn’t come. She seemed surprised and then said to go back up there and she will send him our way when she finds him. I went back towards the elevator and here comes the surgeon out of a door in the hall.

He apologized and said he was just about to come up there and it's been a crazy day because as soon as he got my mom out, they had another emergency surgery. He said my mom survived the surgery but things are still very critical and that she was in a coma. He said he still doesn't want to get our hopes up because he doesn't believe in that and that we need to be very aware that what happens from here is very much reliant on her and it's now up to her and how badly she wants to fight whether she goes one way or the other. He said the surgery was actually really quick because once they got her open it was quite obvious where the bleeding was coming from He said it looked like her liver had been sliced into during the surgery and after bleeding for so long her body couldn't tolerate it anymore and all of a sudden she went from internally bleeding to hemorrhaging. He said when they sliced her open her abdominal cavity was filled with blood, which I knew because before they wheeled her into surgery her stomach was so distended she looked like she was pregnant. He said it was a good call telling the nurse that she has EDS because that's not something he's familiar with but the nurse had a family member with this so was able to give him some pointers. He said he had a hard time with suturing her liver shut because her tissues kept ripping through the sutures so they ended up putting a dissolving sponge in there around her liver to help hold it together and did multiple layers of sutures to close it up. He said once he was able to close up her liver he pulled all of her abdominal organs out (he acted it out with his hands), saying the intestines, kidneys etc. examining them one by one, to make sure he didn't miss anything before putting them back in, cleaning her out really good and closing her up. He again said things are very critical and I asked about the game plan. He said he was hoping for her to come out of the coma in about two weeks and if that doesn't happen we will worry about that when the time comes. He then told us we can go see her if we want to.

I got my dad and we went to my moms room. She was covered in tubes and surrounded by machines. I asked the nurse if they knew if she had any cognitive functioning and they did not and wouldn’t be assessing that yet. I went up to her and put my fingers into her fist and asked her if she could hear me, to squeeze my fingers. She squeezed. I then noticed her feet were covered up and I know she hates having her feet covered so I asked her if she wants her feet uncovered to squeeze my hand. She squeezed. I then uncovered them and asked her if she wanted them covered back up to squeeze my hand and she didn't squeeze. That's when I started having some hope.

I told my dad to get on the other side of her and he did and I told her those fingers were his and to squeeze his fingers and she did. I then started asking her yes and no questions, telling her to squeeze my hand for yes and my dad's hand for no. I asked if she was in any pan and she squeezed his hand. I asked if she was comfortable and she squeezed my hand. I asked if she needed anything and she squeezed his hand. I asked if she was tired and she squeezed my hand. I asked if she wanted us to leave so she could rest and she didn't squeeze any of our hands so I clarified and said “It's okay, if your tired mom, You’ve been through a lot. If you want us to leave so you can get some rest we can come back tomorrow morning. It’s about 7:00 at night now and if you need to rest we totally understand. I will call the nurses station right before I go to bed to check on you and I have an alarm set for 8 in the morning to call again and check, right after shift change. If you want to go to sleep we will come back tomorrow around 9 or 10 in the morning but it's totally up to” right then she squeezed my hand and I said so you were worried because you didn't know when we would come back? She squeezed my hand. I said we will be back between 9 and 10. Did you want us to leave so you can rest? She squeezed my hand. I then pulled my hand out and told her good night and good bye. I saw her fist clinch like she was squeezing and I went back over and said I saw her squeeze and asked if she needed anything and she clinched her other fist so we went home for the night.

Of course I ended up calling the nursing station at 9 pm, at midnight, at 4 am and at 8 am that night but we came back the next morning. There wasn't a lot of progress that day but we visited twice that day. The third day I made my 8 am call and to my surprise they said she started co breathing with the respirator earlier that morning. We visited again and she was still in a coma but they said her co breathing was getting better and better and if she kept up the good work, they may take her off the respirator portion of life support the next day and put her on forced air. Well we left and when we came back at around 7:30 pm they told us she was starting to come out of the coma and was now in a semi conscious state now opening her eyes and looking around every once in a while and they had just pulled the respirator and put her on forced air.

The nurse followed us into her room and said they would like to try a nasal cannula and are pushing her hard because you can get addicted to oxygen fairly quickly saying they wanted to sit her up in a chair and put a nasal cannula on her at the highest setting and asked if we would mind sitting with her and letting them know if her oxygen hit 70%. We agreed and she was still very much comatose only opening her eyes once when the first started to lift her to put her into a recliner. They reclined it back enough that she wouldn't fall out and had us watch her. We talked to her even though she couldn't talk back other than squeezing but she did open her eyes twice within a half hour. After about 28 minutes her oxygen hit 78 percent so they came in, put her back on forced oxygen and back in her bed saying she was doing really well. We visited a little while longer and then left so she could get her rest. On day four she woke up and was out of the coma, able to talk to us but did fall asleep a lot. That day they went back and forth between the nasal cannula and forced air. Day 5 she went onto the nasal cannula and was pretty much full out of the coma. She got better and better and pretty much as soon as she could prove she could get back and forth to the bathroom without passing out they sent her home. Her oxygen would still drop really low when she went to the bathroom or walked at all so that was scary but she came home. She struggled with her oxygen levels for a long time but eventually that improved.

Months later she was still struggling with memory which she still does to this day, she still has pain and severely decreased energy levels. We found out over a year later that she had multiple brain aneurysms either during one or the surgeries or while on life support and was diagnosed with permanent cognitive impairment. She has very low energy levels now and will never be like she was before the botched surgery. She returned to work only to be laid off during the pandemic but while she was working I honestly felt like she had no business working and should be on disability as when she wasn't working all she did was lay on the couch and sleep. She had zero life outside of work because work took every ounce of energy she had, just doing a desk job so it does worry me that she has been trying to get another job because since being laid off she still spends most of her day on the couch asleep or just laying down watching tv, struggling to even get out of bed in the morning and get the energy needed to do things like shower, cook and clean.

I see a lot of me, right before my doctor pulled me out of work in her. Refusing to admit she's as sick as she is and pushing further than her body can actually tolerate, all because this doctor said he knew about EDS and the surgical protocols when he didn’t and maybe even his job as a whole, slicing her liver open and when was scared he would get caught so didn't tell the hospital what happened and spent 9 hours covering his butt while he let my mom sit there dying and left the hospital having to go in emergency exploratory surgery to try to figure out what happened when if he told them and sent her to the ER right away they may have been able to fix it without her having all the problems from bleeding out and the coma she had today. And to think, in Ohio you can't sue for medical abuse and neglect unless someone dies or is essentially permanently a vegetable so. These doctors just get to walk away with no ramifications for destroying people's lives.

PTSD is complex and severe especially when you are living in a world of people with very high respect for medical personnel but you know if you have a rare disease you don't get the caveat of good doctors and nurses. They are far and few and honestly the medical field is just like every other job where 95 percent of the personnel does 5 percent of the work, pawning it off on the 5 percent of the staff that actually takes their job seriously forcing them to do 95 percent of the work. As I mentioned before, I saw a psychiatrist after falsely being diagnosed with anorexia and general psychosis when I really had a life threatening condition called Gastric Ischemia and she said that she believes at least, the very least 90 percent or more doctors develop Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point in their career and many by the time they get their PhD and they are the worst patients to have because of course they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so believe they know it all but they are also Doctors so believe they know everything there is to know medically which means they are the least likely to seek help or treatment for this because they believe you're wrong and continue hurting people and even taking lives never believing they are to blame.

I believe this wholeheartedly and those with common conditions take for granted the medical care they receive. Doctors like easy cases, they like treating conditions they know about because they know exactly what to do and can get them in and out, putting in little work and making a lot of money but if you have a rare disease most doctors and even nurses are too narcissistic to admit they haven't heard of something or don't know everything there is to know about every medical condition. Most humans are also very lazy creatures preferring to take the easiest way out so if they don't know about your condition there's no way they are going to sit down at a computer for hours and really look into it and learn about it and too much pride to contact specialists in the field to get advice and learn to treat the patient properly. They look for the easy way out and unfortunately the easy way out for most doctors is one word, well actually one word that they keep replacing with a new word every few years. Hypochondriasis, Psychosomatic Personality Disorder, Psychosomaticism, Somatization Disorder, Munchausen Syndrome, Illness Anxiety Disorder, Factitious Disorder Functional Neurological Symptom Disorder, General Psychosis, Conversion Disorder. It doesn't matter what term they use as the term is updated every few years once patients catch on to the true meaning “Nothing is wrong and it's all in your head” Occasionally if you present with other symptoms like weight loss or vomiting they may even pin a body dysmorphic disorder on you such as Anorexia or Bulimia. Anything to get you out of their hair and make you someone else's problem so they can get their next easy fix patient. Most doctors doctors and a lot of the bad nurses develop narcissistic personality disorder and true convince themselves that they are doing the right thing, even if they get a call saying the patient died upon release, “they were fine when they were here so that's unrelated”

Even if a person has a medical condition that explains their symptoms but they don't take the time to listen to the patient or do research its “well the symptoms the patient presented with had nothing to do with their preexisting condition" so if they die they can go home at night feeling zero guilt and zero remorse because the medical field is very much based on desensitizing themselves to trauma that they take it to the point of denying accountability to the patient, their other doctors, their families and even themselves which is why the majority of EDS patients and patients who have severe or serious rare disease as a whole develop complex PTSD.

There is no treatment available to us because who do they send you to for PTSD? A Psychiatrist, a Psychologist or a Counselor and what are they? Health care workers. Practicing in the very same field that has encompassed us with a lifetime of medical abuse and neglect. Sending someone with Complex PTSD from medical abuse and neglect is like sending a US military soldier who developed PTSD after being a prisoner of war in Iraq back to Iraq to talk about their experiences with an Iraqi soldier. It just doesn't work. To make things worse, the abuse and neglect continues even after your diagnosis so it's like sending that US soldier back to Iraq to be a prisoner of war over and over and over again. If the medical field doesn't change the abuse continues and the PTSD gets worse and worse throughout our lives.

[adreamofcomets]

The Ask Thing That Katie Desperately Wanted Me To Do Which I'm Now Doing Because She Typed Out All The Questions

1. Tell me about your favorite person. I firmly believe my favorite person is myself right now. Over the past month, my boyfriend broke up with, and he was my favorite person, but I was extremely heartbroken and practically hate him now. I pulled myself up as best as I could and I'm proud of myself. 2. What was the last book you read and finished? I literally can't even remember 3. What is the weirdest scar you have and how did you get it? It's not a scar but I have a birthmark on my thigh that looks like I've been stabbed by a fork 4. Recommended Netflix shows? Supernatural of course, Parks and Recreation, Luke Cage, and I'm currently obsessed with Iron Fist rn. 5. If you could trade lives with one person for an entire day who would it be and why? Oh golly. Probably Emma Watson so I could be Belle. 6. Do you believe in miracles? 100% 7. Snorkeling, sky diving, bunjee jumping or zip lining? Snorkeling 8. How do you take your coffee? I don't 9. All expense paid vacation to… ? Definitely Germany, but anywhere in Europe is great 10. Favorite homemade food? Steak and potatoes 11. What is something you’ve always wanted to try but have been too scared to? Initiating conversations with cute boys 12. What accomplishments are you most proud of? I learned an entire drumline show in two weeks, bass drum music and drill, and we got 2nd place at that competition 13. If you were going to go to the movies alone, what type of movie would you want to see? A comedy 14. Dream job? I don't even know right now 15. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself? I love my hips and my freckles and the gap in my teeth and my eyes and I just really love myself 16. Favorite vacation spot? A cabin in the mountains 17. Where is your favorite place to go on a weekday afternoon when you have no plans? Either watching Netflix at home or hanging out with friends 18. What are you waiting for at this very moment? Prom and graduation 19. Five favorite songs! Currently they are Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen, Boys Will Be Boys by Benny, Space by Ally Hills, Guys My Age by Hey Violet, and my all time favorite is Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin. 20. You have thirty seconds to tell the world anything you want. What do you say? Dumb boys: stop treating sweet girls like shit!! We don't deserve it!! 21. Favorite Disney movie? It has always been beauty and the beast 22. What is your favorite board game or card game? Watch ya mouth 23. What did you love most about the place you grew up? I lived 5 seconds from my best friend and a park 24. Where do you want to be in 5 years? In a happy relationship and hopefully finished with a college 25. What is your most bizarre talent? I can flare my nostrils rapidly 26. Do you collect anything? I've started collecting polaroids I suppose 27. If you could change one thing about your past what would it be? I wish I would've learned to love myself sooner. I wha I would've known my worth sooner. I wish I never would've gone back to the same guy for 4 years. 28. Have you ever been arrested or in trouble with the law? I got caught having sex in the park with my last boyfriend. Turns out his license had been suspended for over 7 months and he had to pay a hefty fine. 29. You could have any super power in the world, what would it be and why? Probably the ability to read minds or teleportation 30. Ever been in love? Once for sure. 31. If you could achieve anything what would be your number one goal? To not let any boy make me feel worthless ever again 32. When was the last time you left your comfort zone? Having sex for the first time after Cody was weird but honestly it wasn't bad 33. Think of the five people you are closest to. Are they good people who influence your life in a positive way? My mom for sure, my dad is a nerd but great, Katie and Tyler are my best friends, and Joey and I have become pretty close too. They're all such great people in my opinion. 34. If you found $100 on the ground what would you spend it on? Food lmao 35. Favorite quote "Thick thighs catch fries" -me 36. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I really do. I got drunk with them last night. 37. List five good things that happened today In the past 24 hours I got drunk with two girls I didn't know, made two new friends, binged Parks and Rec, got a newfound confidence, took a shower 38. Do you think we should make things happen or let fate guide our lives? The way I see it is that fate kind of puts us in a situation and gives us many choices, but it's our decision on what we do with those situations or choices.

[zevonandwaits]

3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 11, 17, 19, 22, 28, 30, 32, 33, 44, 47, 49, 50, 55, 56, 65, 68, 69, 72, 75, 76, 77, 79, 81, 82, 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 93, 95, 100, 101, 107, 108, 115, 116, 117, 118, 119, 121, 122, 127, 128, 133, 138, 139, 142, 146, 148, 149, 150 YIKES I'm a nosy bitch good luck! :*

okay i FINALLY have the time to answer these (i think, i’m just bored in poli sci rn but still)

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

hmm……maybe i think it’s my parents, they’re coming to visit me on easter and that’s a while away but i can’t wait. also i can’t wait to see my friends from home over summer break (less than 2 months!!)

4. Are you easy to get along with?

honestly i think i’m too easy to get along with. i’ve been kind of a doormat my whole life because i’m afraid of confrontation and hurting people. that’s gonna change though. slowly, but surely it will change. 

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i don’t like like anybody right now….but i love my friends (like you) and i know for sure that they would

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i guess people who don’t know how to treat me right. 

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

HAHA yes i’m such a prude i always have to work myself up when i want to bring up the topic of sex with someone. i feel so awkward about what’s tmi, or about potentially grossing someone out, idk. sex is weird. let’s ban it (jk let’s not)

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I think it was you 

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Because they didnt put it up before” i’m currently freaking out to my parents because my college just decided NOW to notify me of a past due balance for this strep test that they made me take even though i looked on the site a few days ago and it wasn’t up there so i couldn’t pay it i hate them sometimes they’re so dumb (them being the school and their bad notification skills)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YEA and it’s exciting i just hope they don’t kill us

19. Do you like bubble baths?

nah son idk don’t kill me but i just don’t like baths in general i’d rather shower 

22. Where would you like to travel?

lol i’m so basic but lately i’ve really been wanting to go to disney world, i haven’t been there in ages and i really miss it

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

honestly? myself

people give me anxiety i’m always scared of being judged 

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yeah someday if there’s somebody that i want to marry enough. i don’t think it’s essential though it’s foolish to get married for the sake of getting married so

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

aaaaAAAA this is such an awkward question idk!??!?!?!? uhhhh???? 

happiness and love is my final answer 

33. Spell your name with your chin.

omfg i’m in class rn

i’ll come back to this

okay

vic tkerua mjrsano

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space ftw

some fish are really scary tbh

47. Have you ever been high?

nah son

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

well if i hope nobody finds out about it, what good is it to answer this question? ;)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

coincidence! i’m wearing a hoodie right now! it’s light blue, my class color, and of course it’s a bryn mawr hoodie

55. Favourite blog?

honestly it’s kinda like a celebrity blog but all her posts are perfect and i really look up to her and support her because she is very lovely and perfect so uh here’s the link if you wanna check her out

56. Favourite colour?

sky blue

65. Are you hungry right now?

trick question i’m always hungry

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

i mean i like tumblr (unfortunately) but sometimes i go on twitter because there’s a user on there whose tweets are all gold here’s the link if you wanna see

69. Are you watching tv right now?

nah i’m just not paying attention in class

72. What colour are your towels?

the ones i have at college are dark blue but the ones i have at home are light blue

75. Favourite animal?

heckin cattos frn

76. What colour is your underwear?

pink lmao

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

omfg chocolate all the way, i hate vanilla stuff. vanilla ice cream is nasty tbh

i like vanilla in baking but still chocolate is better

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

it’s my aforementioned light blue bryn mawr hoodie

81. Favourite tv show?

i think you know the answer to this one ;)

82. Favourite movie?

benny and joon it’s so underrated but i’ve seen it like 30 times since i was like 14

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

squishy

87. First person you talked to today?

maybe my roommate? i honestly don’t remember i havent talked to many people today i had a bad dream and i’ve been groggy and grumpy ever since

88. Last person you talked to today?

my friend sitting next to me

89. Name a person you hate?

donald trump

90. Name a person you love?

YOU

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

honestly? this is such a disappointing answer but none! i want them though i just…..don’t have any

95. Last movie you watched?

begin again and i love you for suggesting it to me

100. How are you feeling?

healthy. 

101. Do you type fast?

kinda, but i type very inaccurately so that kinda reduces my speed because i always have to backspace and retype stuff

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yeah! i rode a horse in peru last year but i can’t ride horses and my horses name was diablo and he was a literal diablo and he kept running whenever he felt like it and it was very scary

108. What should you be doing?

probably paying attention but this class is optional today and shes not really saying anything important so w/e

115. Do you play the Wii?

i used to! it’s so old now though it’s become crotchety and i only use it for netflix now lmao 

how things change, i used to be obsessed with it

116. Are you listening to music right now?

just the lovely monotony of my professor’s voice 

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

yeah! i had some last night as i was watching begin again

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YEA honestly one of my fave things in life

119. Favourite book?

Flowers for Algernon come on addie you already asked me this ;)

121. Are you mean?

no but i should start to be in certain situations

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO. that is a 100000% dealbreaker imo. if your s/o cheats it means that you’re not important enough to them and they don’t care about your feelings like at all so leave. 

127. What makes you happy?

YOU

(and cats)

(and friends/family)

(and curling up and watching a movie/reading a book)

128. Would you change your name?

ehhh i mean i’m not a fan of my name but i feel like changing it would be such a hassle between the legal stuff and then people calling me by the wrong name or whatever, i don’t think it’s worth it

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

I should have known you’d bid me farewellThere’s a lesson to be learned from this and I learned it very wellNow I know you’re not the only starfish in the seaIf I never hear your name again, it’s all the same to me

And I think it’s gonna be all rightYeah, the worst is over nowThe mornin’ sun is shinin’ like a red rubber ball

thank u 2 pol simon

also i think u know why

138. Curly or Straight hair?

well my hair is curly but i really wish it were straight when im struggling with it lmao

i like curly hair though, when it’s nOT UNMANAGEABLE

139. Brunette or Blonde?

i always seem to prefer brunette guys tbh. 

but my favorite person is blonde so idk ;)

142. Favourite month?

july. i love the heat and not having responsibilities 

also i just realized my favorite person was born in july ;*

146. Was today a good day?

i mean it wasn’t bad

but it wasn’t like amazing

it was alright i guess

148. What’s your favourite quote?

this was said by someone i admire very much: 

“YIKES I’m a nosy bitch good luck!”

i don’t agree but i admire her

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

nah. i hope i didn’t anger the ghost that supposedly lives in my dorm but nah. 

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

that would be the book i’m reading for anthro and it is: 

“But where I come from, women don’t call out to men”

Pakistani gender roles ig