#which is why i have somewhat of a social circle now lol

[kimmkitsuragi]

OMGGGG i just realized i will be able to talk about disco elysium to my frend who recommended it to me and im so normal about it

so like. boardgame day today and then barbienheimer day thursday and then stayover night after that???? and then on friday go s2 comes out right what if i watch it w my frend there .....

[dallasgallant]

Gone with the wind |

Made a meta a while ago combining a few themes within the novel to Great Expectations, a novel Pony mentions reading for school. So I’ve decided to read Gone with the Wind too.

This meta is somewhat easier than Great Expectations as the book outright tells you why it’s important to the story and just what Pony and Johnny take out of it! The traits of “them southern boys” as they find themselves having to uphold similar standards of masculinity. Their gentle traits internal to the outward standard, though with less pressure to some degree due to class.

In the book it mentions ‘riding into battle. Gallant men’ and the movie draws two paragraphs a couple hundred pages apart. One on bodies sprawled in the sun during the siege of Atlanta(?) and then ‘those who refused to recognize defeat who road into sure disaster because they were Galant.’

Southern honor:

A sense of self tied to perception and status, often tied to adherence to tradition and independence.

It is an incredibly interesting historic concept which was delved into a lot in a class I took on the Old South, it’s been a semester and I will look through my notes but please forgive this for being a little more rambly then distinct. There’s going to be a loss of nuance here just because this isn’t a full lecture lol. The concept is a duel thing as on one hand, having honor and pride is not inherently bad but it’s the headstrong refusal to accept any other view that leads to self and societal destruction. Something to note is that the particular brand from Gone with the wind and that tends to be talked about the most academically is of the “large planter” variety, a class of people so rich and powerful and few they’d essentially become a aristocratic group of hyper elites. It’s interesting to look into but not the point of this meta, just setting the stage. The novel goes into even the aftermath the old views don’t die, there’s no adapting or accepting- just festering in confusion and hate… to be so headstrong is both remarkable and incredibly stupid. An analogy would be the emperor’s clothes caught fire but he walks around as if he is still clothed. Gone with the Wind is a really fascinating book to be told from the Uber rich perspective, the views of society and war from that class and Homefront perspective and its criticisms. Apparently, the movie is not nearly as analytical and more pretty dress gone how sad, but it’s not what we’re here for.

That’s more me rambling than proper analysis, it may be bare bones without some background but I’m going to tie it together now.

As the type of Southern honor they’d admire while reading is more the base concept of it, they’d relate far more to some conscripted “white trash” than the elite. This honor did defuse a bit across the society, though like any poorer people aren’t subject to half as many social rules and have their own variation but the base remains.

Greasers have their own similar sense of honor.

They’re brash and quick to fight and get angry. They’re defiant. Their duty to protect their own and what’s theirs, to help, fight to maintain appearance in their own little circles. They’re loyal and bound to help each other. They have dignity. They’re tied to anger and masculinity and the confusion of youth. The same goes for being gallant, their loyalty and duty to each other and their bravery shown in a rumble or just facing the day to day struggle with a stone face. Staying cool in the face of it all. That’s tuff. That’s gallant. That’s Greaser honor.

Similar to the concept of southern honor it also depends greatly upon others perception of you than your own, it is putting up a grand tough facade. It is doing everything to protect the image you fought so hard to maintain.

It’s easy to see why Johnny latches onto and recognizes Gallant behavior. They focus more on the tough and cool and strong parts because they do in lives all the time.

Another connection is the loss of innocence, Pony has his life forever altered by the events of the book. Pony can’t go back to who he was when he left the movie house just as Scarlett can’t go back to a Belle who never knew want. The change to his person is not as drastic but it is too a loss of a place in time. When the gang was all together, happy and simple. That too is… Gone with the wind.

—

Thinking about how Pony would stop and explain civil war stuff to Johnny because he didn’t know much about it, which is so sweet not only reading aloud but explaining. But also thinking about if pony got stuck on some big old words and they just went “I dunno” and moved on.

Also unrelated but I went out of my way to find a blue cover copy because I’m a nerd. Don’t have the second copy from the Hospital giftshop though, it was a hardcover and we never get a good look.

Props to them for getting half way in 4-5 ways this book is like 800+ pages, oh my God. I’m still not completely through (have 100 or so pages) and it’s been months 🫡

[ariesphysics]

3. my interest in astrology had been revived and now i’m going to spill my guts to probably 20 people on the internet :D

[TW: Mentions of ch1ld 4buse]

🦋 Dejanira in 4th house (Capricorn, 6°): It’s unaspected to all of my planets and to my Nessus in 5th house. Dejanira represents the areas of life where one is susceptible to abuse, either from external sources or due to themselves [1].

Coincidentally, I also have 4° degree Saturn and there had been interpretations that the degree your Saturn will tell you what age you had to mature [2] and around this age, I was physically and verbally abused in the house by a caretaker my parents hired because both of them were working and couldn’t really look after me, so it took a while for them to notice that I have been abused by my caretaker.

I have always felt a little neglected in my home because my parents were not really around and my grandmother definitely favored my cousins than me for some reason (I do feel my mom is her least favorite child, mommy issues run deep in this household, lmao.)

My home is comfortable but I do feel a sense of suffocation inside.

🦋 Anyways, from my constant observation of friend groups when I’m bored... I have noticed that the leader or someone who is the group’s core friend is a Libra moon. The link between the other people in the group.

(+) I find it cute when people become friends and they end up adapting each other’s habits, lol. Makes you know what friend group they belong to and the person they’re really close to.

🦋 I finally have my friend’s birth time (straight from the certificate). I might have an explanation as to why she’s the only person I feel comfortable with skinship (Taurus Moon close friend). She has her Mars in my 4th house as this house also represents intimacy and bonding, and with her Capricorn Mars there, I feel physically safe and comfortable when I’m with her.

🦋 Mars signs and body movement!

I came across this Lindaland forum about Mars signs and body movement, and for me, it is accurate (Link is in the last part).

    🌸 Gemini Mars: being restless, darting eyes, fast-paced walker, and clumsy af (keeps tripping and stubbing toes even on a flat surface)

🦋 Leo Moons really care and is meticulous about their physical appearance, how they present themselves, and how they appear to others. This might be even more emphasized if their Moon is in the 1st house, however this placement might lead caring for their looks to being obsessive about it.

🦋 Someone with Juno conjunct Saturn might marry after 29 (Saturn’s years of revolution), will only have one romantic relationship in their life, and is a monogamist. Marriage might come later in life but is long-lasting.

🦋 Other people with Venus sextile Pluto, do you also tend to be obsessive with your crushes to the point of limerence? I have it at 0° which probably explains why I will rarely be attracted to someone, but when I do, I go all in and become limerent. every. single. time. Oh, and I also get deeply jealous even with an Aquarius Venus.

(+) Also, we are talking about Aquarius which is described as somewhat aloof and detached but friendly and humanitarian. This is how my friendships are, I am fine with being alone for some time and okay with just meeting once every six months with my friends. Just like my crushes, my social circle is very limited and I make new friends rarely. However, with my Venus-Pluto aspect, I also tend to be obsessive with them, the thirst to know every piece of information about them, because you need to know your friends, right?

🦋 Piggybacking on the Aquarius discussion, Aquarius Moons tend to be the first person in a room to greet you and acquaint you with the group, they also tend to have a wide social circle. An Aquarius Moon classmate of mine will bump into a person they know in, literally everywhere.

[1] https://moongoddessastrology.com/2022/06/08/dejanira-in-astrology/

[2] The Deep Way Saturn Degrees In Astrology Affect Your Life | YourTango  

[3] http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/229929.html

[n0wav]

Pinkerton appreciation

HELLO CHATTERS!!!

Today i did what i do on almost a weekly basis, which is to listen to pinkerton. i was in a good mood listening to this very awesome album... UNTIL! i noticed something that somewhat upset me not really but its really interesting.

you see back in the 90s pinkerton wasn't loved as much as blue album because it's messy dark and emo and not silly fun power pop like blue. it wasn't till many years later that pinkerton the the love and appreciation it deserved. Although it isn't nearly as popular as blue, green, or even make believe (really only because of Beverly hills), it is still very loved by weezer fans now.

Today while looking through the deluxe version i realized that "I just through out the love of my dreams" is more popular than any of the songs on the normal non deluxe album. Now don't get me wrong its a really good song (although this cover of the song is kinda better imo :3) and i do really enjoy it, i do feel like its a repeat in history.

now if you don't know what i mean by this repeat in history, i will shift the attention for a short moment to another band, PAVEMENT!!!

one side note i think is funny is that back when weezer started, people called them cheesy pavement rip-offs... just something i remembered!

pavement is an awesome band and they will get another post out of me at some point of me writing on this tumblr blog, but in the mean time... Pavement has always been relatively popular in indie rock circles, but nothing exceeds the popularity they got when harness your hopes blew up like crazy on tiktok, making it their most popular song on streaming services by a very large margin. AND Just like i just threw out the love of my dreams, harness your hopes is also a B-side that randomly got popular from social media.

Don't get me wrong I'm not upset at all, to be honest i don't care that much like it really isn't that deep, i just think its interesting how common this is, where a song from an older band gets big thanks to social media, more specifically tiktok.

The only thing i do wish is that people listened to more of the bands music rather than just listen to the one song they know, but then again i just realized not everyone is as obsessed with music as i am lol.

Back to pinkerton

i LOVE pinkerton, i def like it more than blue album, which isn't much of a hot take since the weezer fandom has been split on which album is better for prolly 2 decades at this point. For me the album is just more up with the kinda music i listen to, while being very different at the same time. the way the album starts with the synth, and you automatically hear the raw and underproduced sound this album has.

aside from the sound, i just personally kinda relate to some of the songs, maybe not the weird parts... but def many of the bit more normal ones.

With tired of sex, I have definitely grown tired of having relationships with people where there's no actual relationship or connection at all. for a long time i really didn't know who i am (weezer reference).

getchoo is hard for me to analyze or related it to anything so i will skip that one (good song tho)

no other one hit pretty hard home for me. i've been in pretty shitty relationships with people who treat me like shit, hence the shittiness, and for some reason i didn't leave because i didn't think i could do any better and that nobody knows me like her, that we're all we got and we don't wanna be alone (weezer reference).

why bother? is me when I'm scared to make relationships and friendships with basically anyone because of my fear that whoever i talk to will eventually not like me and abandon me, to where in my head i will think "why bother? its gonna hurt me. it's gonna kill when they desert me. It's already happened to me twice before. it wont happen to me anymore." (weezer reference)

i only semi relate to across the sea because i've e-dated as a young child on discord.... next song (still a good song)

the good life is me too because i used to be really cool and leave my house a lot and play shows and have lots of friends and just do things that aren't me sitting at home doing nothing being a pig and a dog (weezer reference). it is def time i got back to the good life (weezer reference) But to be fair i don't really want to go back to that time i just wanna be a normal person again.

i don't really relate to el scorcho much but its still an awesome song.

pink triangle is me because I've dated girls who turned out to be a lesbian but trust me i didn't turn them, they were already lesbian before we started dating i don't know why they started dating me maybe because I'm not very masculine so they thought it would be fine. (note that i didn't know they were lesbian till after we would break up)

i put falling for you in a mixtape i made my ex. whenever i would hear that song i would think of her because its how i felt about her. i was afraid of falling for her, but in the end i just wanted to settle down with her (weezer reference)

I don't relate to butterfly either but it is a really really good song

as you can see i really like pinkerton and relate to it very much. it is prolly one of my favorite albums of all time no doubt

this is the end of the post

we love pinkerton

pinkerton is our everything

here's a song rec from the album pinkerton by weezer

thanks for reading my weezer rant! idk what i will post about next but we will see!

Goodbye!!!! :3

[readbetween]

here you will find my long-held Sam/Diane thoughts under a 'read more' due to the sheer magnitude of wordcount, lol.

this post largely bends toward the light of the latest frasier reboot news, which is that for its upcoming second season, "kelsey grammer hopes to give sam and diane a happy ending."

if you're strapped for time just consider reading my rawest essay instead:

this is a somewhat contrarian viewpoint in the cheers fandom, especially among those who ship sam and diane, but i sincerely believe that sam and diane not being "end game" in canon in and of itself is narratively tight; it's the execution of it which isn't. their lost love is the foremost reason for their continued emotional impact/TV legacy. in short, cheers was not just a TV sitcom but a social satire. at its best, it finely crafted commentaries about how relationships can fail when we allow social expectations to interfere in our lives and projected self-images. i don't think that sam and diane would carry the emotional resonance they do if they had Thoroughly resolved this together, and yet, this is the paradox of sam/diane: not resolving it is the very wall the writers hit with them.

when shelley decided to leave the series at the end of s5, the writers' flimsy conclusion for why sam and diane must end their engagement is because diane needed to focus on her writing career instead of a marriage (as if women couldn't do both by the 1980's). stronger writing would have presented any other given reason for why their relationship had been under strain, as well as imputed the lack of support from the people around them who were supposedly their friends, but were more interested in upholding the status quo which led to sam and diane's respective self-alienation and loneliness

but the flip-side of this is even if shelley had stayed sam and diane would have.... grown tiresome... for them to work out long-term, cheers would have had to adjust the social commentaries these characters were designed for and i frankly don't think they would have rose to that challenge. (my evidence for this is s6 and onward where we see sam gradually become a caricature of his former self and the writing starts to diminish, for why?!). i suspect we'd have witnessed a continued will-they-won't-they, likely refashioned as exhausting, uninteresting marital quarrels, i.e., the same old song and dance just in a different tempo which would have ran its course years prior. messy.

so by the s11 finale when diane returns to cheers and sam and diane become engaged.. again.. only to break the engagement, again, (and here's where i'd like to circle back to the frasier reboot news), there is no working through of ANY of those "interferences" to make this next attempt at a relationship work between them. the s11 finale is simply a repeat of s5's. feelings are still strong between them, how hot do you like it, but the writers opt for flimsy writing that's essentially: hey i still love you but we didn't work before, so why would we work now? without real reflection as to WHY they didn't in ~conclusion~, the cheers writers made a point. as flimsy as the execution was both times, sam and diane's relationship failed because they did not ultimately challenge what they allowed to hold them back. at this point, so late in the game, i think they should stick with that in canon rather than happily ever after them, because lost love has been their impact despite how weakly it was written. i nonetheless find the concept highly salient & in keeping with the genre of the show

but, if you know me you know i am not anti-fix-it. at all.

i think that sam and diane were the Loves of Each Other's lives. i truly do. just by existing in proximity to each other they would Unmask, and actively reflect upon the world they were living in to make it better for themselves and their relationships. when it was good, god, was it good.

but the way i see them working out long-term would have gone against the grain of cheers as a social satire, but specifically, and most exactingly, against the points the writers wanted to author, and, further, the way the writers chose to author those points and social commentary. for sam and diane to work, they needed to be freed from the mechanisms of the genre which restricted them. it's as if they became too strong for the writers to know what to do with them.

even if shelley stayed for the long-haul a relationship wouldn't have worked because for a Happily Ever After diane could not have remained employed at the cheers bar, and that would have cut shelley's screentime substantially or relegated diane to minor character status. she needed to actualize her goals and ambitions outside of cheers.

i'm very fond of sam/diane fix-its, but i'd argue that there's a place for them, and it isn't canon. it hasn't been up to kelsey grammer to fix sam and diane, but us fans who have sat with them and inherently offer other worlds

[wit-and-worry]

There’s this slightly younger acquaintance I have(had?) who seems to enjoy my company, and with whom I’ve only had seemingly mutually enjoyable and lengthy conversations, but who doesn’t usually initiate contact. He doesn’t seem very online, and has a strong and tight circle of friends he likes. He’s interesting. He’s bright and respectful. He’s almost too polite, in person. But is it so hard to communicate with him over text. Mostly because he doesn’t text back, for whatever reason.

Before we got to talking on the last day of my senior year(he was a Junior at the time), I was frankly intimidated by him. He was the brightest kid in my Hnrs Physics class. He seemed to pick up the material like a pile of feathers. He seemed friendly and confident and put together. He was starkly unlike me. I was and still am struggling not to be a miserable slob with no concept of time or personal responsibility every day. What drew my interest in pursuing a friendship was his evident interest in the kind of literature I was interested in. I saw many Asimov books on his desk and in his hand throughout the year, but also some classics like Heart of Darkness(which I figured was for class but I’m not sure of now), and the Slaughterhouse Five(maybe Cat’s Cradle? I saw him carrying a Vonnegut novel for sure), and some others I can’t remember the names of now, and an anthology of Camus’ short stories. When I saw him with those books I felt like a dog seeing another dog for the first time. My brain went: oh shit! Dog dog dog dog! (gonna go on a tangent now) I’ve historically gravitated towards classic lit, primarily because I had the idea that reading influential works of literature and studying them would help make me a better writer. Not that I didn’t and don’t earnestly enjoy them. Much of classic literature carries me way out of the modern world without alienating me from humanity. I can usually rely on it to be somewhat deftly written and it’s fun to geek out over. It’s fun but lonely. It is also very intimate and rewarding.

When I meet people who share that passion, it implies to me that they have the patience and curiosity and courage it takes to appreciate it.

I admit that, initially, there was also a glamor to the idea of being a young person, having all of that high brow literature under my belt, and as a result being praised by teachers for being articulate and mature and all of that. It’s embarrassing to admit, even to myself, that my interest in classic literature is in part a consequence of my being given, as Savannah Brown once put it “well-timed praise”, but it is what it is.

I still do think that it is beneficial for those who are serious about writing to visit or revisit the work of influential writers. It’s just that now I feel a restless craving for transgressive art. I want to read the kind of fucked up and intimate fiction I want to write.

Anyway I started writing this post to bitch into the void to be honest, because I suspect that this acquaintance of mine isn’t interested in befriending me, and I’m bummed. I’ve reached out a few times either to start a conversation or schedule a hangout, but it’s getting to be a hassle. He has little reason to pursue my friendship, because he’s pretty content with his social life as it is. He’s pretty elusive. He’s apparently very busy. I’m not, which is why I’m pursuing. But I’m tired of making an ass of myself pursuing people. I’ve been the pursuer for most of my life. I might have to let this one go. Or just let him come to me, if he ever does. It’s weird. I’m overthinking this for sure. I just don’t want to drive him away. I think he’s cool, despite being a year younger than me lol. It may seem like I have a crush on this guy, but I promise that is not the case. I don’t want it to ever go there. He seems straight, besides. I’m just so lonely that it’s pathetic. It’s not gotten to the point that I will settle for anyone, but I hit it off with this guy in a way I haven’t with anyone in years. Hard not to want to relive that initial rush. I can’t help but wonder if I said something that creeped him out the last time we hung out. I can think of a few things that he may have misread, which keep me up at night. Well I don’t know what else to say so I’m going to stop here.

-some guy

[i0-0na]

Entry 10 - Animation Party

Date : 06.05.2024

This week Monday, Dom, Matthijs and I were invited to an animation welcome party. I was pretty tired though, and somewhat anxious to be honest, so I was kind of unsure about going. I couldn’t really explain why, at one point I even felt like I was going to be sick. However, I decided to go anyways because why not~

We put name tags on ourselves (I wrote my name both in Japanese and English, I’m good at hiragana and katakana alphabet but not Kanji ;-;). However, I felt my anxiety rise again as soon as we were put onto random tables, and I wasn’t with my friends. I find it easy to make friends and stuff but honestly the language barrier was what was making worry, but I did my best.

I was so confused I ended up asking one of the professors who understood English, and she was like “Yeah! Are you in a circle?” I just stared blankly back at her. I had no clue what she meant. So, I pointed at the table and I said “I guess we’re in a circle now???” They just laughed and the conversation moved on. Later I told Matthijs about this cryptic message and they told me ‘circle’ was like another term for club or in this context because we’re at university, society. I was like oooohhh, I get it now wow ToT.  When food was brought out people started moving around so I went to Matthijs’ table, I wasn’t hungry, so I barely ate anything. Also, I still kinda felt ill. A bit later on that’s when I started feeling a bit better, as well I felt more comfortable to get out of my shell and began to start talking and making friends with people. Since we’re all animation majors one of the key points of our conversations was anime we liked and I put on my name tag. Even though I put Space Dandy on mine, I honestly dislike the idea of me having to pick my ‘favourite’ because I like so many works its hard to pick unless you give me a really specific category, but to be honest even then depending on the genre I sometimes would give you a top 3 answer instead lol. So yea that basically allowed me to talk more about different shows and video games like Nier:Automata, Persona 5, Attack on Titan and other such.

Then out of nowhere we were made to play a game of Jan Ken Pon (rock paper scissors). There was a whole cafeteria sized table which was just stocked with prizes to be won. On the second round of the game, I actually won lolololol!!! So, I made my way to the table and I decided to take a Denji prize figure, it isn’t like a raffle where you know depending on which tier/rank you get you are limited to the amount of prizes, we could just honestly pick whatever thing we wanted. I debated on getting this cushion with one of the sensei faces on, I think he was like the head of animation at Zokei, but I was like you know what I think someone else should get it probably because it would probably mean more to them in a way idk but it was pretty amusing none the less to see that as a prize. As soon as I got my Denji figure I nearly immediately start to rub it into the face of Dom hahahaha, as a joke of course, but none the less it was a great triumph.

My rock paper scissor skills are elite

I’m glad I ended up going, there’s no reason not to give social events ago. Especially on student exchange, even if I feel nervous, I think people should always try to push themselves a bit out their comfort zones.

(Y)ou (O)nly (L)ive (O)nce

Later that week we talked about Golden Week during our Japanese classes, as well as learning the usual useful language technique/grammar. I’m really sad that these classes will be ending so soon, I genuinely enjoy these classes as well as learning Japanese language ☹. It’s always been a goal of mine to become fluent and to live long term in Japan. It’s so crazy that now I am living in Japan but still I think I want to stay here for an even longer term.

After class we asked our teacher if he wanted to come drinking with us at an izakaya, originally, he was but then when we arrived something came up, so he had to go home. However, Silvia, Matthijs, Dom and I decided to still go. This izakaya is right by the uni/train station. At this place I tried hot sake, it was kind of weird to try “hot” alcohol and I mean it was hot, like a nice cup of tea kinda hot lol.

It was such a nice evening~

I’ve noticed by my window that the plant outside is a rose tree. The pink roses are blossoming, when I saw them, it reminded me of myself. Of how so far, how I’ve grown, and feel more stable living in a foreign country, as well as other aspects of my personal life. I feel at peace.

Other notes:

I’ve found these crisps which are mentioned in this one mobile game I reallyyyyy liked, it called Mystic Messenger. I bought some and tried it, they were awful ☹! Like with sauce or put into a sandwich they are somewhat okay but by themselves?? Sorry 707 I cannot fathom, fictional or not, why they would want to eat that like every day.

On a separate separate note, it seems that its Mother’s Day in Japan (12th). So, I had to wish my mum a second happy Mother’s Day lololol. Before leaving for Japan, I bought her a Collin/Collette the Caterpillar cake (spa day themed) for her and my brothers to share. From the sounds of it they all seemed to like it.

Till next time ✌️😉

Byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

-Iona

Song Playing: To the end - Blur

[wanderinglotus7]

WHAT A YEAR….

Crazy crazy crazy. Man, I can’t believe we are 6 months deep in 2023. Where did time go? First of all happy anniversary to me lol. It’s been a full year and I’m still working for Adelante (BIDMC). No lie, I’m kind of surprised I haven’t exited out of the door haha. Last week during my supervision, I went over my One year Performance Review with my supervisor. This review involves me sharing my responses to two questions and the first question is “What are you most proud of from this year?”. I wrote down four accomplishments, but my number one answer is that I made it a year. I had my supervisor complex. I was straight up. The team is lucky that I didn’t leave already. Since I started last June, I’ve seen so many social workers, especially BIPOC SWs, leave (deuces). Seeing people come & go at a rapid pace doesn’t instill a sense of confidence or security as a new social worker in this field. Sometimes I felt like I made the wrong decision in saying “Yes”. Yet, I know deep down this is the path God called me to walk down, but again, I didn’t envision myself working in a big medical system like BIDMC.

I do my best to reframe the situation because those that have left were called towards greater. They are making moves they believe are in their best interest. I would do the same thing. I don’t want to stay somewhere I feel like instead of flourishing I feel like I’m unsupported or feeling unfulfilled. I say BURNOUT!!!!! I say MISERY!! I might even say DEFEATED! As for me, I don’t have serious plans of leaving Adelante anytime soon. In reality, if I wanted to leave I don’t have a clear picture of where I would want to go next. Second, my current position is providing me the financial stability that I need right now. Third, I want to my LICSW before I leave because that would be the next career changer I need to be able to live the comfortable life I desire for myself and my future family. I feel like I enlisted into the military hahaha. Accepting this position, I promised at least three years of my professional life to BIDMC. Or the better organization would be the Center for Violence Prevention & Recovery.

Talking about CVPR the program received a 10% budget cut. So we have enough money to maintain current staff as well as hire one person for the “Oncall/Acute Response” social worker. However, we continue to dance in circles and trying to figure out what CVPR services/program is gonna look like moving forward. I silently roll my eyes. I continue to say what I need to say…not sure if people are actually listening or not. Either way, no job is gonna kill my joy and no job ain’t gonna drain my spirit. THATS FACTS!!!! Saying all this is why I’m temporarily giving CVPR two of my work days (I’m not giving up my remote day). Plus, I can’t keep neglecting my primary role which is being a social worker-clinician for my Adelante clients. FYI; Adelante ain’t got no money (tragic), but we are still kicking. By the grace of God we are still kicking.

In the other areas of my life I feel like they are somewhat balanced. I placed a pause on the whole dating because I’m encountering nothing but trash. I’m not a garbage collector. I want the best for me. And I deserve exactly that. So far I have no ill words to say about my new therapist. I do find myself sometimes holding back a bit even though I’m a total open book. IDK. I guess I don’t want to feel like I’m getting trapped in a vicious cycle of bitterness. What my new therapist has done for me so far is confirm that in the past months I’ve been grieving. More grieving the “What Ifs” of my life along with the grief of my Grandma Shirley (R.I.P.). I really do miss my grandma. She really was my heart & soul. And it saddens me that my future children will never get to meet her and experience the same love she gave to me while she was here on Earth. That’s why we have memories right. They will get to know her because I will always keep her spirit, her light, her legacy through my memories. Me sharing her story with others.

This leads me to my true calling which is being a storyteller. Last weekend, I had the blessed opportunity to focus on my writing. I was dripping in creativity and inspiration. I didn’t quite wrote anything new necessarily, but took the time to revisit and revise a few poems I’ve already written. I could be being bias, but I noticed a growth or maturity with my writing style. Rather a growth in the messages I’m trying to convey in my poems. I’m happy that I’m listening to myself and intentionally focusing my energy towards a passion of mine that brings me peace. I’m slowly working myself towards getting Purple Hearts published (sold) on Amazon (ooof). Everything is a process and I’m not gonna rush thru the process. Also, I can’t let excuses distract me from my passion either. I might post one or two poems that I revised (not sure). Let’s see.

To be continued….

[mercurytrinemoon]

Another post on Moon signs you can drag me for

Before we get into the actual thing, I'd like to say this post initially started as something else but ultimately, what I tried to put across is, sometimes Moon signs aren’t that easy to decipher. It’s easy to grasp overall characteristics of the signs and then learn how to identify their specific traits. But what people seem to forget it that Moon represents the deepest side of us & our inner world - it’s uncommon to really see someone’s side of it unless you really pay attention. Sometimes I’m surprised to see what someone’s Moon sign is even if I know this person well. Meaning, people usually hide that part of them - or they just simply process it internally and others can’t see their emotional reactions. It’s also uncommon for folks these days to fully express their emotional needs so it gets even trickier to pin-point their Moon characteristics. I don't think I have to mention this but, of course, your entire chart should be taken into account, as well as house placement, aspects. Personally, I like to also look at Moon's dispositor.

Let’s start from my friends, Gemini Moons, who, I feel, get a bad rep for not showing their feelings and scanning every emotion like an AI. Nah-ah. I know this one Gemini Moon whose immediate emotional reactions aren’t very cerebral in the sense of processing everything in the mind and intellectualizing it aka, what people like to label as being un-emotional. Instead her reactions are often fast (air energy) but physically expressed through Mercury (Gemini Moon’s dispositor) and Sun (overall identity) – she has them both in Aries. She’s a crybaby who can burst into tears in a matter of seconds. So she’s not something that would stereotypically be assigned to a Gemini Moon. But what I did notice is that all Gemini Moons tend to have this weird look on their face when they’re processing stuff. As if they were about to have a brain malfunction; they stop and have that specific worried look. They also like to either gossip or tell stories (either real or made up lol); they’re great with words - they can talk for hours if they feel comfortable with you. They just crave interaction and mental stimulation. Their quick reactions tend to make them effortlessly witty. Even if they’re a withdrawn Gemini type, they make up for it through social media and technology or just a quiet exploration. My shy Cancer pal with Moon in Gemini is now a brand/website designer and an instagram queen who travels the world. This is great energy for content creators in general. And don’t forget that Geminis need to have their fingers in many pies. It’s because they always have a backup plan… and they get bored easily so they need that chaos around them to feel at home. They like to have options in everything, which is kind of funny cause it’s hard for them to make up their minds and actually choose something. And they store a lot of information in their brains… I feel like it must be exhausting, no? 

On the other side of the axis, whenever I see someone with a Sagittarius Moon, I can immediately say “yup, a Sag Moon indeed” (probably thanks to my Sag stellium), meaning, they all seem the same to me. Sag Moons often find comfort in exploration - best if it’s literal travel. They always seem to need to free themselves from their surroundings, family, roots or their own culture to discover something new and exciting, even if it’s only in the imaginary words - through books, movies and other medias. Their happiness always lies somewhere else from where they currently are. Like, I think all Sagittarius Moons that I know have left their parents and went their own paths early on. And they have this yolo attitude. Just like Sagittarius Suns, they’re massive dorks, probably also obnoxious… sometimes in a REALLY annoying way. They’re either a) very wise and curious b) lil preachy and stuck up c) just plain dumb clowns with no filter. But they’re all funny. And they take things lightly, with a natural ease. This means sometimes they may offend other people just because they assume everyone’s as chill as they are; „relax! I was just kidding!” - that’s a phrase you’ll hear from them often… I mean, unless you’re a jokester yourself and you’re unmoved by their sarcastic or teasing words. They have somewhat spiritual or philosophical nature so besides making you laugh, be prepared for deep monologues. They want to believe everything will eventually fall into place. It’s also hard to bring them down - or I should say, it’s hard to make them acknowledge that they're feeling down - they always try to distract or cover it up with a joke, usually a self-depricating one. If Sagittarius Moon (or Sagittarius in general tbh) is telling you that they’re unhappy, then it’s serious.

I’ve noticed there comes a point in life for a Libra Moon where they just have enough. They’re too nice for everyone and one day they wake up and yell about how they have to do everything for everyone and everyone wants something from them and bLah bLah. Makes me think of when Bieber was this overly nice kid and then he was like “I’M NOT TAKING PICTURES WITH FANS ANYMOREEEE AAGhJFJFUWIUq”. Yup, a Libra Moon, everyone. They know how to charm and appeal to people, I think overall they’re easily liked by others. Sometimes it’s simply because they like to kiss people’s ass just to avoid being rejected. That’d be a Libra Moon’s nightmare. They like other people’s company too much. And they thrive in relationships and in a big circle of friends. What they hate is confrontations (like every other Libra placement omg). They may be good mediators when it comes to other people but if they’re involved in an argument they get sooooo passive aggressive. They just don’t know how to handle conflicts - it’s as if their nervous system wasn’t designed for emotional outbursts (because, you know, everything needs to be peaceful and harmonious Venus-style). A fussy or angry Libra Moon will suddenly get loud as they blame someone for something… and then they’ll leave the room cause they’re scared to even hear the other side of the argument. Or, alternatively, they’ll make a doormat out of themselves just to stay quiet and avoid causing any rift. And making decisions? I think it’s common for them to have two different romantic interests and feeling so dramatically torned between them *Alexa play Agony from Into the Woods*. Then when they decide, they have problems breaking the bad news to one of them.

On the other end we have Aries Moons. *deep breath* Listen, I think I’ve said enough about having Moon in Aries (or rather purely dissing it) but last time it made a bit of controversy so why not wreak even more havoc. I have a good description for this one: I will punch you but be gentle with me cause it’s easy to break my fragile heart. So basically, imagine putting Buttercup and Bubbles into one person. And honestly, I need to say this, women with this placement are just hot badasses, look at friggin Angelina Jolie. The queen of badass. The queen of hot. People say because Aries folks move quickly (literally and figuratively lol), they often get bored with whatever got them excited last week... or yesterday. Ha, yeah, right. You get their heart to open up and they’re going to have their eyes for you ONLY, like a lil puppy. Give us treats and we’ll build our world around you. But NOT in a clingy way by any means, we need our space and independence after all. My lil niece is an Aries Moon and ever since I started playing guitar with her, she became my #1 fan or something. That’s the energy. But we get easily bored with day-to-day stuff so yeah, there’s that. Innocent and clumsy yet raw in their emotions - so there’s potential to make mistakes sometimes (or a lot of times) or having this tunnel vision, like „I want this and I don’t care about anything else!”. And then excusing it with some „but the heart wants what it wants” crap (looking @ ya, Selena Gomez). They experience constant inner movement and turbulence that needs a physical outlet in order to feel satisfied. WE NEED PASSION IN OUR LIVES, OKAY?!?!?? now leave me alone

Aquarius Moons aren’t as cold as you might think. People like to describe them as if their Moons actually disappeared from their charts: dEtaCheD, uNeMotiOnaL, tHey fEeL nOtHinG. It’s just they don’t sit and dwell on things, they find solutions to the problems. If something doesn’t make them feel right, they just leave that situation. They do care about other people’s well-being, they’re very sensitive in that regard, they’re humanitarians after all. Yeah, they detach, but from their own emotions - in order to make sense of them. They may seem like snow queens sometimes (and this comes from an Aqua rising) but they’re really friendly and if you pique Aqua Moon’s interest, they’re going to be curious about you. They like new exciting things so if you’re cool enough, you have their attention. Usually they’re pretty progressive as well and can’t stand injustice. That’s why you’ll see them standing up for those who are in need. Uranian energy gives them a specific type of sharp intuition and wit. Idk they’re just cute in a quirky way. But this buzzing, fast energy is a great recipe for anxiety, over-thinking and frequent changes of heart. Similarly to Sadges, they need constant exploration and stimuli. Intelligent, people-oriented (but not people-pleasing! Look to Libras for that), individualistic. They definitely need their own space and independence. Their decision-making is fast and it’s easy for them to just say „screw it, I’m doing this”. My Aquarius Moon friend just casually decided that she’s moving to Turkey cause nothing in our city (or even country) seems interesting or helping her expand… So she was like, see ya suckers, I’m leaving.

Leo Moons shine from within. You’ll spot them from a mile away even if they’re on the shyer side. They’re all lil stars no matter their profession. Very expressive people & easily excitable. Art galleries, live shows, theater - they love a creative environment even if they don’t pursue that lifestyle themselves... One of my Leo Moon friends is an art junkie – suggest taking her to an obscure play at the local bar, a music festival, a weird museum – she’ll say yes in the blink of an eye. And she loves discussing these things. A Leo Moon may not see themselves as artistically inclined, but usually sooner or later they at least try dipping their toes in music, arts, acting, dancing... you name it. They’ll learn a simple 3-chord song on a ukulele and then play it to you in excitement. Imagine a lil kid making you a puff piece and being super proud of it. Sometimes they just need some encouragement. Remember, Leos feed off of praise, that’s their fuel. Doesn’t mean they’re all proud, egotistical people but what it does mean is that they need a lil assurance to gain their self-confidence. I lived with a Leo Sun/Moon for almost 15 years (who’s a musician btw so yeah, a classic creative Leo type) - he did have some issues lol but ego wasn’t one of them. Drama followed him everywhere but I’m pretty sure he disliked it himself. BUT, with that being said, I feel like Leo Moons tend to dramatize themselves internally. People say it’s something Virgos or Geminis would do - because of their tendency to overthink, but Leos can just go straight to a worst-case scenario in their heads simply because they exaggerate everything. So don’t be surprised to see a Leo Moon feeling down and anxious. On the bright side, be their cheerleader and they’ll give that to you in return. They need sparks and dullness kills their upbeat spirit. They need to feel their own heartbeat so the feeling of excitement is crucial for their well-being. Romantic, giving and kind. They’re fixed fire so once they’re set on something or someone, they give their all and are rather loyal.

I feel like my chart low-key tells me I should dislike Taurus Moons but I just want to melt in their arms and just stay there? Like, forever? Low maintenance but a bit slow-moving and stubborn. They won’t settle easily, at least not officially, so you need to have a lot of patience with them. They need 3 things to feel secure and at peace: physical stimuli, time and a stable place they know they can always come back to. And it’s not like all of them are total lazy homebodies, they may be active spirits & travellers but they are going to have a reallyyyyy nice cosy flat somewhere near their childhood place (gotta be be close to their moms, you know). Not necessary materialistic but they may have one thing that they collect throughout their entire life and they won’t. ever. get. rid. of. it. There needs to be at least one constant in their life - like you know when Elton John decided to go to therapy but one thing he stuck to was shopaholism? Very Taurus Moon of him. Also, they’re very affectionate. In fact, may have issues differentiating between affection and passion - this is actually something Taurus Moon and Aries Moon have in common. Pro tip - and this is in regard to all Taurus placements - don’t smell bad when you’re around them (I mean, don't smell bad in general, no one likes stinky people lol). They have a sensitive smell. Doesn’t help that they like to smell everything. EVERYTHING. I swear, Taurus, stop sticking your nose in every single thing!!! You don't need to know how that piece of utensil smells like. Jeez.

Scorpio Moon (shoutout to those who remember me accidentally calling them sporpio last time I made a post on Moons lol). I honestly don’t know what to tell you... I feel like all you hear about Scorpio Moon is 100% true, there’s nothing to debunk here. It’s the Moon of extremes. Prone to jealousy and surpressing emotions; severe trust issues; they’re instigators. I was low-key bullied by a few Scorpio Moons when I was in school so there’s that. Very secretive and private. Scorpio Moon will be like “I’m in control of the situation!!!!” and you’ll just look at them and think, yeah, right, looks like the situation is controlling you. But keep being in denial, sure. Like, don’t get me wrong, Scorpios in general can be TOTAL SWEETHEARTS OMG but ya’ll have issues. Even celebrities who have this placements... Think Beyonce or Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus... I feel like they have issues lol, especially with control and the need for everything to be perfectly the way they want it to be. To be fair, that’s probably why they’re all so influential and high status: it’s either their way or highway. They need constant reinvention; they’re the ones to wake up one day and decide they’re going through a spiritual awakening blah blah. They also like to talk about dark and shocking topics while having casual lunch with you... So like, be warned that you may end up with a depressed mood after talking to them for 10 minutes. And their mood swings... don’t even get me started on that.

I don't know where to start with Virgo Moons... I feel like they're very calculated and nit-picky but they're a lot warmer than Virgo Suns. I think I called them softies in my last Moon post. Very sweet people but prone to anxiety. You gotta experience seeing them having a heart attack over someone mixing bananas with milk or messing with their stuff that’s been put in a perfect arrangement. I saw a Virgo Moon once literally squealing shouting "YOU'RE GONNA RUIN YOUR LAPTOP WITH THAT SUPERGLUE!!!" Highly entertaining to watch, not gonna lie. Gordon Ramsay has his Moon in Virgo - it’s conjunct Uranus and Pluto so that’s an extreme but I think him being fed up with people over small inconsistencies in their food prep is a perfect example of this energy (btw his chart is hilarious, it literally explains EVERYTHING). They're VERY picky with their food as well, just as Virgo Suns tend to be. Like, they’ll only have a specific type of single origin coffee or they’ll be vegan or something. Self-critical over their work, which is a plus... except for when finishing a simple task takes them a few hours because they want to make it perfect. They take everything seriously. This of course doesn't mean they're total bores - on the contrary, Mercurial energy gives them witty approach and a talent for choosing the right words at the right time. Tho they can be a bit awkward or shy with it. Can be as bubbly as Gemini but the grounded earthy energy gives them more practical and almost nurturing nature - earth signs are providers after all and Virgo is the sign of service - helping others is like their second nature. I’ve noticed they often find comfort in devoting themselves to a choosen task - this is why if they pursue something, they’re really good at it. They’re also very likely to dissect their emotions.

I’m not a fan of water Moons in general but Pisces Moon is the best water Moon in my opinion. Maybe because I like Pisces overall. I think it’s like a tweaked Sagittarius Moon - just more internalized, withdrawn & gloomy. But unlike Sag, who has a tendency to be an adventurous optimist, Pisces likes to focus on the negatives instead. Obviously, they can be very upbeat, they’re Jupiter-ruled after all, but there’s somehing whiny about them lol. Just like Sadges, they dream big and have their standards put up sooo high but if there's not much active energy in their charts, they’re often too passive to actually fullfill any of that - or I should say, they’re stuck daydreaming about it, believing it’ll just magically manifest for them... OR they do everything with an apathetic approach. What I do like about them is that they’re funny. And really chill - sometimes to the point of coming off as confused or hazy. I feel like a lot of them would just love to sleep all day... or sit by the lake and just think about the world. Most of them are also compassionate folks - again, maybe a bit too much. Hey Pisces, you don’t have to take everything to heart, it’s okay. On the bright side, they have big imagination and the ability to disconnect and just create. I have a few Pisces Moons in the family: one’s that sleepy artistic type with grand visions, one is an asshole-ish but funny entrepreneur with a questionable work ethic and one is a witty IT guy who’s actually a workaholic and likes to shut in his own world of computers and numbers or whatever he does there... So there’s this factor of tunnel vision, escapism and, on the more negative side, being kinda iffy and almost addicted to the way they want things to be. Once they set their eyes on something it’s done deal…

My issue with Capricorn Moons is that they're often trying to be sooooo mature omg, like, loosen up a bit. It usually starts when they're in their later teens... They can be the most rebellious kid that likes to have fun and suddenly they'll be like "I'm too old for this ugh grow up" *judgmental stare*. My 18-year old niece once literally roasted my sister that she's in her 30s and still doesn't have her own place (well so do I so I guess she also indirectly roasted me as well???). And she was SO deadpan with it. Because she herself wants to be independent and start a family before turning 25. This is classic Capricorn Moon energy. They suck out joy out of everything lol. Of course, OF COURSE, it depends on the whole chart but I feel like worst-case scenario is that at one point in their life (or maybe even a few times throughout it) they go through a massive shake-up that makes them change their attitude and re-evaluate their structures. There's this multi-instrumentalist Yvette Young - she's a sweet, funny Cancer/Leo mix but her Moon is in Capricorn. She used to be a competitive pianist but the pressure that was put on her has led her to severe health issues. Like yes, she’s now an extremely talented musician - thanks to family’s expectations & a rigid schooling system (Saturn) but it did cost her a lot. She has recovered since then but I think it's a perfect example of this energy. It’s very ambitious and hardworking but emotionally demanding in the sense that you have to actually put your emotions aside in order to deal with the rest. Another thing, because Moon can be associated with family, there's often a weird dynamic surrounding this topic. I don't think I've met a Capricorn Moon that had a completely healthy and happy relationship with their fam or one of the family members. Or, alternatively, there can be a strong bond between one of them but usually created in the atmosphere of hardships.

Last but not least, Cancer Moons. I had three school friends with this placement and all of them made this sad, whiny face as they said „oh I don’t knoooow anymoreee”  when they were feeling torned or frustrated. To be fair, two of them are water Suns so for them, it added to the mushyness. All Cancer Moons I know are family people or better yet, baby people. One of those school friends is now a guidance counsellor, working with kids; the other turned her instagram into a gallery of her own child after she gave birth. So much kid content, omg. There’s also something very indecisive about them… or I should say, hesitant. They’re not very fast at making decisions. Also, what’s interesting, they’re kind of like walking libraries, they remember a lot – so they store a lot of information in their brains just like air signs but they process it in a completely different way – emotional, obviously. I think this also makes them hold grudges a lot. For them it’s more of a question of „how does it make me feel?” rather than „how valid is it?”. There’s certain stubborness in them in that regard because they don’t keep their minds open. It’s also hard for them to walk away from people and situations, like a crab pinching you with its claws – it won’t let go. Sensitive but not easy to open up; very protective of themselves and their loved ones & they tend to shut down in their crab shells. But they may crave connection and the feeling of belonging. Also very caring and with a big imagination. They’re very receptive of their environment so mood swings are a thing for them.

[citrustan]

lovefool [drabble 1] (jjk)

pairing: jeon jungkook × reader

genre: angst, fluff (sort of), smut

summary: where you and jungkook innocently flirt and get scrutinized by yuna.

word count: 1k

note: this is part of the 'lovefool' (and chapter 2) au. I have another drabble lined up. I had to cut this one short bc it was longer than the second chapter lol so that’s drabble 2 now and it’ll be out in a few days’ time too.

When Yuna first introduced the two of you, she didn't expect you to still be around after a week.

Jungkook had a routine.

He made his intentions perfectly clear to the girls he met, he's in it for a good time and that was it. Nobody stuck around for more than five days, Jungkook just wasn't interested.

Yuna hopes it's just because you're a lot harder to get into bed with that you're around for so long.

The slightest thought of Jungkook possibly being interested in you for more than sex riles her up. She doesn't think you're his type and doesn't believe you had it in you to even befriend a man like Jungkook, let alone date him. She had already formed an opinion on you on the basis of your growing relationship with her best friend.

You're all at Jungkook's apartment along with three of their older friends--- Jimin, Taehyung and Seokjin.

They've all been very welcoming to you and have accepted you as a part of their circle.

You're thankful for that because even after a month into your first year, you had not managed to make a single friend (other than your Roman Catholic roommate: she's probably nice but her political views are concerning). So, you were glad to have met Yuna.

Neither you nor Yuna herself realize how hard she's leering at you while her best friend flirts with you--- Jungkook is currently comparing the size of your hand with his.

His hand easily envelopes your smaller one, making you blush violently.

You remember reading a Tumblr post that stated this interaction as the epitome of flirting.

You're seated on his lounge chair (that she picked out) while Jungkook is seated on the armrest.

Jungkook now wants to play thumb fight with you.

It's just some innocent flirting.

You feel like you're fifteen again, watching Park Sooyoung play tennis. She was your 'first love'. You had not felt this way in a long time but you couldn't separate your emotions.

It was difficult for you to figure out why you felt this was--- was it just because Jungkook was the most attractive man you've ever seen? Is it because you've been so touch starved that you'd go for anyone at this point? Is it because you know he's completely out of your league?

These thoughts bothered you every day.

Anytime Jungkook would text you or call you, your first instinct is to ignore him or decline his phone call.

Obviously, you choose to force yourself to socialize instead.

"They look like they're having fun," Taehyung approaches Yuna, "She's Jungkook's type, don't you think?"

They watched as Jungkook playfully messes with your hair while you scowl at him.

When Yuna doesn't respond, Taehyung bends down to her level, "Yu? Don't overthink it, he's probably too blind to notice it and he'll be over her sooner than you think."

"You don't need to tell me twice. It's a shame though. She and I would've gotten along." Yuna flashes him a close-lipped smile.

Taehyung laughs out a 'yeah sure' and makes his way back into the kitchen where the two other men prepared dinner.

Yuna can't make sense of her contempt towards you just yet.

All she wanted was to go back to spending time with Jungkook like they used to before you came into the picture.

If you really think about it, in a way, Yuna was somewhat clingy too but she gets a free pass because she's the childhood best friend.

The purpose of this whole dinner was to get you and Jungkook's friends acquainted.

Later that night, you discover that Taehyung and you were attending the same university, however, he's attending as a TA for art history, which was one of your extra credit courses. You felt like you hit the jackpot. They're a very diverse friend group. You were making a lot of important connections here too.

You're currently in the kitchen trying to figure out how to work the portable mini oven.

You brought cookie dough for dessert. You noticed Yuna never spoke to you the whole night.

You threw many balls at her but she never caught on to your clues and conversation starters. So, you really don't know anything about her.

Incidentally, she barges into the kitchen and is shocked to see you there.

"_____, I figured you'd have left by now.”

“Oh, no, well- I was waiting for an opportunity to talk to you and hopefully-” you start but get cut off by Jungkook placing his arms around the two of you. “Look at us, me and my two favourite girls.”

Yuna hated the dumb look on your face. Your crush on her best friend was obvious.

Jungkook let go of Yuna and directed all hid attention to you. He brushed a few stray strands of hair away from your eyes, “Let me give you a ride home.”

“I thought you were driving me home?” Yuna pouted.

Jungkook tapped her on the cheek, “No, that’s why I asked you to bring your car, dummy. _____ lives on the opposite route so we can’t carpool.”

“Why can’t she bring her own car?” Yuna childishly folds her arms.

“It doesn’t matter, Yuna, it was pre-”

“Or just let her go with Taehyung- or, the bus? Aren’t you used to public transport anyway? Why do I have to change my entire schedule?”

Yuna doesn’t mean to be bitchy. Trust her when she says she realises how trashy she sounds.

She almost winced after those remarks left her mouth.

Before you or Jungkook could interrupt, Taehyung swooped in and offered to take you home. You instantly agreed.

It’d be a lie if you said you weren’t disappointed you wouldn’t get to spend more time with Jungkook.

But you knew better than to be in the middle of two best friends.

You don’t exactly know their relationship yet. Maybe Jungkook wasn’t available to you in the way you’d want. It’s too soon to tell.

You can tell Yuna was uncomfortable around you. She seemed vicious and you didn’t want to deal with that just yet. As long as you haven’t actively tried to offend her, it’s her issue, not yours.

Taehyung’s company is great. You discuss a little bit of everything under the sun, from moss to Jeff Bezos’ dumb space adventure, except Jungkook and Yuna, on the car ride back to your dormitory.

He dropped you at your door and watched you go in as per Jungkook’s request.

Yuna stayed back at Jungkook’s place after the short altercation.

Jungkook knows something’s off but won’t address it until Yuna does. So, he ignores the shift in her behaviour.

He dropped her home the next day after lunch.

[mrpenguinpants]

Razor:  Jealous HCs

Hey anon!! As much frustration I hold for crippling oblivious couples, I also love the trope so much. Plus I adore Razor. Even though I try to not call Razor a dog, I still google “jealous dog traits”. Also, I found out both Hanniejji and I secretly HCs Bennet is friends with Razor and Fischl. If genshin won’t give me character interactions then I’ll write it myself.

---

Semi Part 1: General HCs

Semi Part 2: Pre-Relationship HCs

Semi Part 3: Cuddle HCs

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

 @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @nonniechan @htnicayh @genshins1mpact @morthecreator @ aanne2601 @hanniejji​

Razor:  Jealous HCs

Bennet and Fischl are both foaming at the mouth at how deeply in love you BOTH are and yet you’re both equally blind. Fischl wants to grab you by the shoulders and yell at you that Razor returns your feelings and you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. A sad Razor looks like a kicked puppy and even she can’t handle it. But Razor absolutely refuses for anyone to confess for him because he believes that you might just genuinely be uninterested in him. Plus, it wouldn’t feel right if he couldn’t confess himself. It’s his first love, this is important to him.

Bennet thinks it’s really sweet that his friend is in love. Even if he does get a bit pouty that whenever he get’s hurt, Razor will ask if he’s alright and leave it at that. But if you accidently trip Razor is already at your side and fussing over you. Bennet uses this as physical proof that yes, your feelings are returned and this man is in love with you, but you always brush it off as Razor’s nature to be caring. He’s smiling patiently on the outside but on the inside he has his hands in his hair and he’s screaming.

God forbid anything upsets you. Razor hasn’t been around other humans long enough to pick up on most social cues but he does have a good sense of smell. If you’re happy then the wind smells like sweet flowers. If you’re upset then it smells like mint. While Razor usually keeps himself in check and is somewhat indifferent, the second he catches any signs of distress from you he’s on high alert. Until you tell him what’s been bothering you - a group of hilichurls stole your bag of snapdragon flowers - he’s going to be on guard and stressed out. He’s already throwing his claymore over his shoulder to go and fight the monsters that tried to upset you. Wow, what a good friend you say to Fischl. Fischl is ready to punt you off a cliff.  

Razor tries his best to show that he likes you by bringing the things you need and looking like such a proud pup. He looks at you with such hopeful eyes that it takes you a second to register what he’s asking before you feel your own heart rate speed up and pound into your ears. You flush pink before you move to embrace him and ruffle his hair as praise as he nuzzles into your shoulder affectionally. You assume his affectious actions are apart of his wolf nature and how they act so you try not to read too deep into things. Even if Razor seems a bit too happy to be hugging you and receiving pets. Or the fact he doesn’t let anyone else pet him...

Bennet tries his best to help his friend out by giving Razor some advice but considering Bennet himself hasn’t been in a relationship yet, it’s all practical. Telling Razor that he’s seen couples bring each other flowers as a sign of affection, maybe Razor could find some plants to bring you? It ends horribly when he offers you a wolfhook and you just stare at him. He says that these are his feelings towards you but you’re just...so confused?? Wolfhooks have thorns so does that mean he thinks you’re clingy? Isn’t that a bad thing? Are you annoying to him?? But wolfhooks also symbolize wolves so is he saying you’re like family to him??? You’re internally screaming while debating if you just got family-zoned or if Razor is trying to subtly tell you that he doesn’t like you.

Just because Razor is, somehow, unsure if you actually like him or not. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get incredibly jealous and possessive at any unknown presence. He’s still a bit wary of the City due to all the conflicting smells and noises but he can’t help but look so sad when you have to run errands and you can’t visit him. But when you mention that a really nice knight gifted you a flower does Razor see red. He gave you a flower?? Shouldn’t you be happy with his? Why do you need another one when you have his? Is his gift not good enough? Is this your way of saying you’re interested in someone else? This poor boy is on the verge of either running off to go sulk or find the man that gave you this flower, which up until his knowledge - courtesy of Bennet - is a sign of courting, and absolutely destroy him to prove he’s the better partner.

He tries to keep it under wraps since he's been told that while in the City, he needs to exercise restrain and understand that if he enters. He's expected to at least respect the laws and people. But this poor wolf is so feral over this new development and this new smell that's been clinging onto you that whatever worries and isolation issues Razor felt about the city flies out the window as his protective instincts kick into overdrive. He sees other people and even pets as a rival for your attention and love. He just wants to scoop you up and growl at everything as a message to say “this is mine, go get your own”.

Even when the both of you are far away from the city, Razor’s continued mood seems to hang heavy over both your heads. You’re not sure what exactly caused Razor to be on high alert. He’s snapping and growling at everything little thing that comes close, even a butterfly!

You abruptly stop walking to Razor’s surprise as you whip around and frown at him. He can feel a chill run up his spine as he stands perfectly straight as you study him before you hold your palm out and looked at him expectantly. He looks at your hand with a small spark of perked attention before his nose twitches and he goes back to sulking. You’re still waiting for him as he shuffles a bit, his hair that resembled a wolf ear is twitching, before he whines and trots over and places his chin on your palm. He’s looking up at you with the most kicked puppy expression and you don’t even know what you did but you feel like the worse person in all of Teyvat.

“Razor...what’s gotten into you?” you ask gently as you rub circles into his cheek as he nuzzles into your palm. He seems really conflicted as his eyes dart away from your face and he almost looks guilty. He just whines and turns and buries his face into your warm palm. You’ve never really seen him like that before as you awkwardly try and comfort him. Until the same flower slips out of your pocket and you hear something primal growl out of Razor. His teeth are pulled back and he snarls at the flower as his pupils dilate. You quickly get between him and the poor flower before Razor tries to do anything.

“Seriously Razor, what’s gotten into you?” you asked concerned. He quickly shifts his attention to you as he pounces and knocks you over. You left off a soft noise as the wind get’s knocked out of you but you peep when his hands cage you from above. Razor’s red eyes bore into yours and you’re suddenly thinking the air is getting too hot. 

“Do you like Razor?” he asks, tilting his head in a cute pout. It makes you internally coo before you quickly snap out of it. Stay focused! 

“Of course I do! Remember we talked about this?” you say as you remember back to your previous interactions but this only seems to frustrate Razor more.

“No. Not that like. More...” Razor struggles with his words as he tries to piece together the right string of sounds to try and convey what he’s feeling. He seems so conflicted that it breaks your heart a bit. So you reach up and gently rub behind his ear as he closes his eyes and relaxes. He breathes in deeply as his eyes open and his pupils return to normal, but vastly determined.

“Together. Always. Just...us,” Razor says softly as he looks at you hopefully. There’s a small pink dust to his cheeks as his fang digs into his lip in nervousness. You’re not sure why but your heart absolutely sky rockets at it and you can feel your face flush pink.

“Um, yes?” you nod along, you think you’re understanding what he’s trying to say. Maybe he was just upset you were spending so much time in the City and away from him that he felt your friendship was neglected? That would make you really upset. But the way he phrases his words makes you believe that perhaps...

Before you can think more on it. Razor’s face breaks into a grin that nearly blinds you from the pure affection that sprouts from it. He’s already hugging you harder as he starts rubbing his nose and cheek against your neck. Making soft and happy sounds as he nuzzles you. He’s never done that before but you assume he’s just so happy. You breath a sigh of relief that it appears that your message to him was clear enough.

Yeah of course, friends always, you think

Lupical. Partner. Mate, Razor thinks.

---

whistling as I pretend I don’t see your stares. Yeah ik but it’s ok. This is a sorta semi series. We’ll build upon it. But Xiao content is next lol. I’m taking inspiration from this. I mean, when I don’t feel like shit 😷

I’ve been listening to [  Softy - Dear Moon ]. This isn’t the usual kind of music I listen to but it came on shuffle and this is now my mental breakdown song.

Quick edit: Turns out this is an ost from “My Mister”. I’ve never been into kdramas (I think I’ve only seen goblin, she was pretty, and Hwarang) but the cover picture looks so upsetting? My friend is really into tgcf and I believe that had a live action as well. 

[clockworkspider]

See I knew right away that our answers are different but also kinda the same and my brain's been circling back to this once in a while so don't mind if I share my thoughts.

The funny thing is, I very much do have a distinct category of "good people" in my mind, and it's kept separately from "decent people", "misc" and "unknown". And these categories are somewhat more instinctive than philosophical but they do inform my judgement on people and whether I wanna get closer to them on a personal level or slowwwwly back away.

In my mind, being a decent person is having a base standard of decency that matches up to my own. So this mostly means 'try to do no harm'. Basically:

Don't screw other people on purpose (You'd think it's not that hard...)

Making an attempt to Be Considerate and Not Screw People by Accident

And if I feel like a person is "decent" I'd be willing to be friends with them, if a person shows a pattern of behavior that goes against my sense of decency my alarm starts blaring and I know to keep my distance. I generally strive to be a decent person all the time even if I don't feel like being good. (But sometimes the pettiness wins and I fail lol... We all have moments we're not proud of.)

I recognize someone as a good person when I see them making a conscious & visible effort to do good, which involves:

a certain sense of civic/social duty and

the willingness to help and care for other people beyond their loved ones

When I recognize someone as a good person I immediately do want to be closer to them and fall in love with them just a little bit. There's a few friends in my life where I had like, a moment where it clicked, the sudden realization of 'oh, you're a good person'.

Since this is mostly a metric I use to judge other people, it's not as useful to apply to myself. I make a conscious effort to be good, but only other people can judge whether I do enough actions for it to be visible. I think I was a better person back when i was in school as compared to now, since back then I was actively a part of a community and had more opportunity to help and care for other people. By the nature of being rather withdrawn, I simply haven't had as many opportunity to help people (beyond my immediate friend circle) in the past few years, and I'm beginning to realize I can actually seek out those opportunities more actively through volunteering. (And I can actually do that now! Now that I'm no longer fighting for my survival due to burnout!)

Trying to be a good person is actually a very core part of my identity, which is why I think I gotta have an image of "good" to strive for it.

Like... this is why I once mentioned that, when writing character motivations, it's useful to think of a good character as "good", but it's less useful to think of evil characters as "evil", because good people actually tries to be good but nobody tries to be evil. Being good is a motivation but being evil is a label. And some people were like "no there's no such thing as good or evil, people don't try to be good either" and I was really baffled by that response cause I do try to be a good person. Most good people I know actually consciously make the effort to be one. It's like... a conscious effort? I don't think anyone's just magically and naturally gonna be "good" without trying to be? Like I'm aware there could be pretty decent folks who don't consciously try to be good, but that's cause they built a habit to a point they no longer have to think about it... But I'm pretty sure a lot of people try to be Good!

Anyway that's a long thought. To me it's not so much a dichotomy but a qualifier. Cause I don't think of everyone as either a "good person" or a "bad person", some people definitely are one or the other but most people are neither.

What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’?

so here's the fun thing i don't actually think you can categorize people into "good" or "bad". i think goodness and badness are false dichotomies and that by buying into them it leads only to harm, either via someone excusing what hteyve done bc "i'm a good person!!" or through someone who thinks "well, i'm a bad person, so it doesn't matter now". putting labels like that on ppl only discourages self-reflection in their own actions instead of really and truly examining what hteyre doing, and whether such actions are good or bad.

as a logical followup, no i don't think i'm a good person, but i also don't think i'm a bad person wwww i think i am just some guy! i am a guy who is trying to do good things and might fuck up and do bad things sometimes and that's ok. dichotomies are false and we are all just Trying u kno

[imagineurfavs]

EXO Baekhyun - Birth Chart Analysis

"Hey can you please do baekhyun birth chart analysis"

(aside from his Pluto which is in Scorpio, this mans has NO water in his chart at all. i was honestly surprised sgsg)

Sun - (our true self, the soul) - Taurus (2nd Decan) ⛰🐂♉

Lover of the finer things in life. And not necessarily in a material sense; Taurus people love good food, good music and good company. But it can definitely also be in a material sense too lol. Baekhyun would be someone who really does believe that in some ways, money can absolutely buy happiness, bc well, money can buy things...and things can make you happy. To some, this can be seen as a little bit materialistic or showy, but Taurus people are always more than happy to share the wealth. They can be some of the most generous, open hearted people imo.

They’re some of the best people I’ve met when it comes to confidentiality and keeping secrets, if you tell them something, you best believe they will never tell another soul.

The one thing about Taurus people though, booooy are they stubborn. They can be some of the most moody placements when upset, kinda like dealing with a petulant child lmao.

(also just a little tidbit i find fascinating lol, A LOT of great singers are born 2nd decan Taurus lol...what a coinkydink...)

Moon - (emotions, instincts, our vulnerable side) - Gemini 🌬👬♊

Simply put, Moon in Gemini people love to communicate. They love to talk, they love to joke and they love to laugh. They use their wit and humour as a way of making people feel comfortable with them, and it works bc they usually have many friends in a lot of different social circles.

Which isn't that one of Baekhyun's most stand-out qualities? (or at least to me it is) How now matter who he's with, or what environment he’s in, that he can really set a light and friendly mood. With that said that though, he and other Gemini moons can be a bit like hyper curious toddlers at some points, always asking questions: "Why?" "Whats this?" "How did that happen?" He loves to find things out about people, that's how he gets close to them.

I think this placement pairs perfectly with his sun in terms of social skills lol, he’s just so pleasant to be around and making people feel at ease in his company. It doesn’t pair so nicely with it though in the sense that Gemini moons can be huge gossips. It’s not usually with malintent though lol, he just likes talking and sometimes could spill things without even realising.

Mercury (How we communicate & express ourselves, intellect) - Aries 🔥🐏♈

Now this...this is a straightforward man lol. Baekhyun is super direct with how he speaks and won’t ever mince his words. Think of all those times where Baekhyun has been the one to call out fans for crossing the line, it’s this placement that gives him the confidence to do this. Whilst other members would be hesitant to speak out, his Aries mercury will have him not even questioning it and putting people in their place right away.

Baekhyun is probably somewhat of an agony aunt to some of his friends lol. He’s very good at stepping back a bit and looking at the bigger picture of things. When someone gets stuck in a cycle of thinking things over, Baekhyun would be someone to go to when you want a full, final decision to be made.

It’s a placement that would actually give him a pretty good chance at being a leader of a group. He knows how to talk to people to get them up and ready to go, he’s good at empowering and inspiring people. Def go to Baekhyun if u want a pep talk lmao.

Venus (how we are in love & romance, creativity, what brings us joy) - Taurus ⛰🐂♉ 

(side note i have this same placement lol)

Taurus as a sign in ruled by the planet of Venus, so the characteristics of Venus are a lot more prominent here. Venus in Taurus people have an easy-going, laid back approach to romance. They’re the type who love nothing more than a private, comfortable date. To them, staying in, ordering take-out and spending the whole night with their hands on you in some way, is unbeatable. They're huge lovers of physcial touch. This physical touch isn’t always sexual though; something as simple as hand holding, or a long hug, can be so intimate and comforting to a Venus in Taurus person. Think like, taking turns to give eachother a back massage in candlelight, it's very that lol.

These people have a kinda quiet, almost hidden sex appeal. Which at least for me, I would for sure say Baekhyun definitely possesses lol. Like, he very seldom does anything super racy or explicit, yet he just has this...thing...this je nais se quois if you will lmao.

Venus in Taurus people love to indulge, in literally anything. So it’s only natural that Baekhyun would definitely be someone to totally spoil those he cares about. He’s a pro at giving gifts lol, he wont ever skimp on making someone feel like the only person in the world lol. 

Mars (sex, passion, anger, what drives us) - Aries 🔥🐏♈

Another sign in it’s ruling planet lol. Aries is ruled by Mars, so yet again, the characteristics are gonna be stronger here.

Mars in Aries people are uh...intense, for lack of a better word lol. Aries is the god of war so like, Baekhyun can be someone who would definitely see life as one big competition. If it’s something he’s passionate about, be it work or even a person he has his eyes on; he’ll see it as some kinda quest. A quest in which the finished product, or the person of his desires, is the grand prize. He won’t ever stop until he gets what he wants.

This is especially true in terms of romance; Baekhyun is someone who really enjoys the chase. He loves the flirting back and forth, that push and pull. And whilst he wouldn’t admit it, he lowkey likes it when people play hard to get, it just makes him want it all the more. With that said though, he doesn’t have a lot of patience, so he’s gonna need at least a little bit of reassurance that his desires are reciprocated, or he’ll get bored and find someone else to conquer lol.

I feel like this placement is pretty evident when you look at Baekhyun’s career lol, THIS MAN DID NOT STOP FOR 9 YEARS until he was forced to go to the military lol. He was always doing something. The energy and drive in this placement is truly unmatched. Especially when it comes to something they’re passionate about ie; music. He just didn't wanna stop; there was always something he wanted to do, some goal he had to accomplish before he could let himself rest. And I mean it payed off bc look at him now, a King.

Jupiter (optimism, luck, philosophy & just good vibes lol) - Virgo ⛰👼🏼♍

This placement is so sweet imo. These people are all about caring for others, it brings them genuine joy to feel needed by others. They’re true problem solvers and are always available to stand up for someone in their time of need.

Jupiter in Virgo people (and Virgo’s overall) are known for being perfectionists, but this can be both a blessing and a curse. Whilst it certainly gets things done to a high standard, sometimes they can get so stuck in the small details of things that they neglect to see what's going on around them and totally miss the bigger picture.

Something I’ve seen from Baekhyun quite a lot which I think might stem from this placement; he can be pretty blunt with his criticism lol. It’s nothing personal, he just holds himself to such a high standard, he holds everyone else to a similar degree.

Really, he does just want himself and those around him to be the absolute best versions of themselves, and if he has to berate someone a little bit to get them there, then well...so be it lol

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

[g4rous]

Sunlit memories (Garou x reader)

tags: slight mentions of blood, no warnings really

words: 1.3k

notes: hi lol finally dropped the second chapter of the fic, feel free to tell me your thoughts again it means the world 💕

series masterlist

previous chapter

Chapter two

It had already been a week since that odd encounter with the mysterious guy, nonetheless you didn’t think much of it. The days weren’t as scorching as before, tempting you to go to the park to sketch even more. On one of your strolls you’ve noticed a cat lazing around your building and much to your glee it let you pet it almost every time it passed by. Despite occasionally having some work on your hands you even managed to clear away those 2 month-old boxes from when you first moved into your new apartment, finally tempted to call over a friend or two so they could see what you did with the place. At last you were getting used to the city and routines.

Well, at least that’s how you wanted it to be.

In reality the past week has been intriguing as it was chaotic. Monsters have been popping up and wreaking havoc even more fluently than before, making you question was moving here a mistake. Your daily strolls in that peaceful park reduced greatly with so much unease in the air. Even passing by one of the cafés wasn’t as soothing as before, since instead of music you only heard the citizens’ nervous chatter and rumors, most prominently about some “nutcase that hunts heroes for a hobby”. At this point walking home alone even after a relaxing day seemed straight up spine-chilling. To top it off “that dude” from before coincidentally just happened to cross paths with you almost every day, and you weren’t sure was it plain hilarious or just ridiculously awkward.

Be it at that same, now mostly deserted park from before, catching him speaking to some kid with a book in hand, or just in the passageway of one of the many alleys in the city, your curiosity grew even more. And the fact his occasional bruised, even bloody form caught your eyes more than once didn’t help. Even so, you’d always give a small wave, which he would (awkwardly) return. Truth be told, you were keen on actually starting a normal conversation with the man whose name still remained unknown. Why not? He doesn’t seem ill-mannered despite all the mystery surrounding him, too bad your plan to befriend often got spoiled by the fact he always seemed so preoccupied with something.

And here you are, waiting for the coffee machine at the nearest mini-market to deliver your drink while trying desperately not to glance over to that same man picking out what bag of chips to steal. (And yes, you bore witness to that before as well.)

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” you sighed internally, keeping your eyes on the drink in-the-making.

Oddly enough, this actually seemed like a good opportunity to say hello. The machine finally finished its work, allowing you to take a good whiff of the delightful hot drink in your hands before taking a long waited sip.

“Eh, isn’t as good as when I make it but this’ll do.”

After glancing at him one more time, you mustered up the courage to walk in his direction. Though, as soon as you turned around someone else bumped into you, almost spilling your drink. A hero, to be exact. A tall man with black markings on his eye matching with his onyx hair, beside him three more who you couldn’t identify; one practically naked, the only clothing on him being a thong, heels and butterfly wings, one with light blond hair decorated with a peach headband and the last one wearing a dark expensive-looking suit with avocado patterns. Definitely didn’t see that one before.

The tall one was quick to apologize, to which you only gave a small, reassuring smile. Trailing your eyes to the other three, you noticed their stern, focused expressions, giving you the impression they didn’t come here for some junk food and sweets.

“Wonder what they’re up to,” you pondered after taking your eyes off them.

“Well, doesn’t matter to me anyways.”

After taking a small circle around the isle in front of you, the silver-haired teen was at long last close enough to converse with. Despite being right next to him, much to your surprise he didn’t bat an eyelid after you gave your signature wave.

“Um, I’m sure you already saw me when you came in but still-” you continued with a nervous smile“-I felt like I just had to say hi.”

And again you were greeted with more silence before he finally took the chips and turned the other way.

“Ah, sure. See ya then.”

“Yo, what?”

Was this some kind of a joke? Even that one haughty girl you remember you disliked in middle school wouldn’t give a response so numbingly dry.

Before you managed to ask any more questions, the man glanced over at your direction for a brief moment.

“Quit talking, they’re gonna think we’re friends or something.”

Standing there with a deadpan expression, drink still in hand you watched as he nonchalantly exited the store without the clerk noticing that unpaid bag of chips. At this point you regret even thinking about befriending him.

“So much for socializing,” you rolled your eyes and took another sip.

“Might just get a bag of chips myself. And pay for it.”

Sunlight shone from the store’s humble display window onto the handful of isles, making it look like a scene from some nostalgic 90s movie. Lost in thoughts, you stared at your sunlit reflection on one of the glass panes. The radio played one of your favorite songs, making you wish to stay in that comfy mini-market just a minute or two longer. Well, if only you didn’t turn around to see a bald man with a ridiculous-looking outfit and a horror-struck face trying to bargain the clerk to accept his expired coupons.

“Yeah, let’s just get out of this store already.”

Despite all the eccentric behavior you bore witness to today, one thing was still faintly clinging on to your mind as you walked down the almost empty street. Still somewhat irritated from that remark earlier, you’ve began to wonder what was that about in the long run, but on second thought you didn’t feel like getting any more annoyed.

You let out a small sigh before glancing at your phone. Looking ahead, now you were somewhat tempted to take a few good pictures of the sunlight reflecting on the eerie looking district about a hundred meters away. It was a ghost town filled with ghastly rumors, even so still incredibly intriguing.

“Huh, I wonder does anyone live there?”

However the instant those thoughts came to mind, your attention was drawn over to the alley on your left with its ruckus. You could’ve sworn to have heard some men shouting, yet before you even thought of retreating the other way you had already caught a glimpse of the commotion.

Two men lay sprawled out on the concrete, that half-naked hero and the one with the peach headband, both with a battered face. And if that sight didn’t stop you in your tracks, the familiar man behind the other two standing heroes from the store did.

That same silver-haired teen smirked at the two men equally battered as the ones unconscious on the floor. In spite of the blood trickling down his bruised fists, he kept an unshakeable stance. To say you couldn’t believe what you were seeing was an understatement. Just who the hell is this guy and what was he doing?

Just as he was seemingly about to make a remark towards the two heroes your presence caught him by surprise, which the two used slyly for an attack.

One made what seemed like a small smokescreen and afterwards all that was heard was the sound of the old parts of the building’s walls crumbling down. For a moment you were unsure whether to call someone to help or just back away from the scene altogether, not that it mattered since all you heard was a loud shout before black clouds overcame your vision.

[quibblesandscribbles]

Centaurworld Rewrite: A Serious Adventure AU - S1E1 Outline

I’m doing rewrite outlines, prepare for some AU. That being said, I still like several parts of Centaurworld a lot, namely Rider, Horse, Wammawink, and whatever the hell is going on with the Nowhere King, and hope there’s a second season to watch (which I will if Netflix doesn’t ruin our hopes and dreams).

Anyways, here’s like, a rewrite or whatever. I will probably post the outlines as I go, episode by episode. Will I get to them all? ADHD-willing, we’ll see. Also feel free to use these ideas/outlines? I don’t mind. 

Also assume there are songs in this even if I don’t specifically mention all of them. Also I guess this rewrite kinda chains the 1st and 2nd episodes together as a two parter? Maybe, idk.

Also I’ll preface this with this too: I ship Wammahorse, yes I SHIPSHIP it. Moving on.

Some headcanons before we start:

Warworld (*the world Rider and Horse are from) is a Low Fantasy Setting, there IS magic, but it comes in two variations, either very subtle low-powered but relatively uncommon, or Terrifyingly Powerful and so extremely rare to the point that it’s not very well known and “just myths” (usually for Big Baddies)

Ideas for Horse’s Degree of Sapience Prior to Worldhopping:

A: Horse was just a regular, non-magical horse, and their exposure to the Artifact and Centaurworld has essentially made them a Fully Uplifted Animal. - This is interesting, but ultimately a difficult idea to convey because it would require a lot more setup and wouldn’t exactly fit Horse’s characterization without some rework. This is an amazing idea, but I won’t be using it because it would slow things down too much.

B: Horse is a low-fantasy magic steed raised as warhorse/war asset, who is much smarter than your average animal steed/companion similar to a DND Ranger’s pets, or Mabari from Dragon Age, or a Ranger Horse from John Flanagan’s ‘Ranger’s Apprentice.’ The combined exposure to the Artifact and Centaurworld could account for her gaining speech and her body expressing limited physical adaptation to Centaurworld’s different physics (her body’s new extended range of motion for example) but of course I’ll be limiting this because having stakes make it more fun imho. This is my favorite, I’m using this.

Horse would’ve been considered a very valuable war asset (trained warhorses are like, historical ferraris, expensive as hell, i can only imagine what low-magical smart warhorses would be valued at), though still ultimately expendable for the war effort like anything else

Let Horse have horse behaviors (*can you tell I haven’t really left my horse phase behind lol)! Nipping and grooming behaviors as affection or warnings, ear positions to indicate mood, grazing to eat, laying down only when truly relaxed, sleeping standing up. COME ON.

Centaurworld is a High Fantasy world with an Absurdist bent but with darker undertones, similar to how Adventure Time is, with an extremely high saturation of magic, maybe you could even theorize that due to the Splitting of the Two Worlds that all the magic is being Dammed up in Centaurworld like a river or reservoir, this could be a future plot thread that could be picked up in a later season.

Basic Changes: 

Durpleton, Glendale, Ched and Zulius are supporting cast, not main

Durpleton is less stupid and more of a Kronk-expy: a little dim but ultimately kind/means well, has at least 1 life skill he’s good at buried in there though for the life of me I can’t think of one right now.

Glendale’s Narrative Framing: Glendale is amazing, but the kleptomania will be allotted ONE (or two) joke mentions but narratively isn’t treated like one after, somehow establish that her kleptomania is directly intertwined with her anxiety levels. Are there other denizens of the Valley that know the Herd? Are they mad at Glendale for stealing things? Does Wammawink have to constantly run interference to cover for Glendale? Probably.

Make Ched look like less of a pointless asshole: Have him show concern for his friends’ safety and his suspicion of outsiders, AKA Horse. If he’s going to be a jerk, at least let it serve a purpose.

Zulius can stay roughly the same - Zulius is great okay, just don’t tell me there’s backstory and then NOT TELL OR SHOW US ANY CLUES about what said backstory/history IS! (other than forcing us infer/project the headcanon[?] that him and Splendib might’ve been exes, from how they act around each other without any other context/visual/or confirming exposition we literally know nothing other than Splendib and him split/had a nasty falling out and Splendib took the glittercats and the career in the divorce.)

S1E1: Hello Rainbow Road

Opening scene in Warworld

If these episodes were allowed to be longer (shuddup it’s my AU), have the scene open with Horse sees Rider comes running out of some underground castle ruin catacombs and ominous roaring and clanging behind her as she deliberately sets off a dungeon booby trap (arrows or fire) she must’ve avoided while dungeon crawling earlier, and Horse runs towards her and circles at a canter and then Rider does a Running Mount (mounting a horse while the horse is in motion) and shoots an arrow at that flies offscreen

Smash cut to the DRAWBRIDGE door falling and Rider and Horse come galloping out while dodging some javelins and arrows and 1.5 seconds later 1-4 armored minotaurs (the lizardmen?) riding some coursers (swift horses or horselike creatures idk have fun) gallop behind in hot pursuit.

WARWORLD CHASE/FIGHT SCENE

Rider and Horse take out 2 of the pursuers on the run have Rider stay on horseback, dodge and make 1 pursuer shoot/javelin another 1 into a nasty-looking fall, and then Rider nails another 1 right through the helmet visor with an arrow. Have Rider throw a smoke bomb or something at the 2 remaining ones trying to catch up.

2 Enemies left but Horse is forced to skid to a stop as the suspension bridge approaches, then a tense moment forced to walk in order to escape safely across the suspension bridge which Rider cuts once they’re across. Maybe have 1 of the minotaur pursuers having been on the bridge somewhat behind them before Rider had to cut the line, sending the enemy hurtling down below. The remaining minotaur scout stares at them ominously from the other side before leaving.

Have Rider breath a sigh of relief

Smash cut to Horse and Rider traveling across a wartorn landscape, start Horse’s internal monologue narrative until they finally get to the hill and see the ruins of their village

Everything from this point to Horse getting transported to Centaurworld is the same as canon

Not Actually a DREAMVISION SEQUENCE: 

Shot/Animated from Horse’s 1st Person POV: Darkness, the sound of whooshing Horse falls, shimmering flash colors [if this were an actual show pls put a Epilepsy warning at the beginning of the ep], then a loud Splash as Horse falls into Dark Water. POV looks down and we see Horse’s front legs and a bottomless abyss below and a then flash of green and off-white from deep below, then look up to see blue light, see the swimming motions of Horse’s front legs and getting closer to the Blue Light

Horse wakes up, blinking, alone (no Durpleton)

Horse gets up looks around, doesn’t see Rider anywhere and starts makes Whinnying sounds (specifically, Whinnying is a social horse call, like specifically going, “Rider where are you!?” in IRL horse)

“And what are you supposed to be?” the “camera” wheels around to see Ched who has landed on Horse just within reach of her tail so Horse lets out a startled squeal (the Horse noise, not the human one) and does that thing where horses use their tails to swat away insects which sends Ched FLYING as Horse’s squealing morphs into her Talking/Yelling “what the heck is going on?!”

Horse does what panicked horses do, she runs

Horse stumbles into meeting Durpleton, who freaks her out more

Meeting kinda the same as canon but with less constant emphasis on reminding the audience that the writer’s can’t write comedy

Wammawink and Horse meet, Ched flies in and goes “hey that asshole kicked my a-I mean attacked me, but I totally beat ‘em.”

Horse tries to leave, discovers the Barrier, tries to get through, fails multiple times, but only 3-4 attempts shown with time passage show by the time of day changing, have Horse’ talking to herself a bit about how utterly weird the talking words thing is, that this is a “human” thing why is this HAPPENING she needs to get back

Waste less time on the visual gags of the Barrier repelling Horse, also get rid of the Tree Catapult scene because it doesn’t jive with Horse being a horse, why do they know how to make a catapult? Also because I hate how it basically shows us that Horse has no physical danger or chance of injury from being FLUNG around like Pokemon’s Team Rocket.

Have the rest of the centaur Herd come up to and talk to Horse while Horse is trying to get through the Barrier, and Horse talks about the outside and her world and doing things, squeeze in some convo about how there’s no (current) war in Centaurworld and how Horse thinks that that “freedom must be nice.” Anyways these conversations are what has Glendale, Zulius and Durpleton at least considering the ups of leaving.

Durpleton: Durpleton approaches Horse alone and asks about where she’s from, what’s home like, expositiony bits for Warworld and how much Horse needs to get herself and the Artifact back to Rider; Horse should say something offhand, like how she dreamed about exploring the world with Rider after the War seeing new things together, to which we’d cut to a shot of Durpleton looking thoughtful, before asking a completely unrelated question before Horse asks to be left alone. He doesn’t go originally, but gets distracted by something (butterfly?) and trots off.

Wammawink, Ched & Glendale: Atop a hill, Wammawink looks up to see stormclouds gathering off in the distance and comments that they’re going to be in for some rough weather, then goes over to offer Horse food, but gets distracted by some other Valley Denizens who are mad suspicious that Glendale is responsible for something of theirs that’s missing. Leaving Wammawink to go off and have to run interference leaving Glendale to approach Horse alone. Horse will learn that there’s no (current) war in Centaurworld but there was one historically, and Glendale will offhandedly mention that they’ve stolen everything from everyone in the Valley at least 4 times and with the unspoken implication of boredom. Ched will butt in and heckle Horse like, “could you leave any quieter?” and Horse sniping back, ears pinned back and animated horse stress behaviors. And Horse’s last failed attempt at passing the Barrier has them drop the Artifact, and we get a shot of Glendale spotting and eyes widening at seeing the Artifact unattended on the ground, then we get a smash cut of Glendale getting herded away by Ched.

Zulius: Goes over to ask about Horse’s avante garde accessories (her bridle, saddle & armor[barding]), makes comments on her style/aesthetic and asks where he could find some. Horse loses her patience, and says that she Needs to concentrate on getting back to someone they care a lot about and could you please just go away? 

Horse: (voiced as a rhetorical question) “Haven’t you ever wanted to go back to someone you loved before?”

Zulius gets a Look on his face, then he’d puff up, cover up the Armor Piercing Question’s effect on him with more bluster and then turn away as it gets later

Around sunset, Horse finally gives in to go ask Wammawink what’s up, and how can they leave.

Wammawink tries to feed them and convince them to stay, but Horse waves her off and moves away while muttering something about coming up with a plan

Speaking of plans, the Herd excluding Wammawink (& Ched) start talking about being bored, and mention Horse saying stuff about exploring the world (taken out of context, deliberately)

Wammawink, smelling the ugly head of discontent, sighs in defeat at not being able to recruit this new outcast in the Herd and approaches a grazing Horse and says she’ll help her through it with her magic(not admitting that the Barrier is her magic working in the first place because it’s not relevant right now okay) but then we get the “What’s magic?” bit from Horse and the rest of the Herd butts in with the Song. They wander off to go to bed afterwards, and Horse wants to go Now but Wammawink says that she’ll help Horse leave the Barrier but only in the morning because “you look tired”

Horse: “That doesn’t matter.” *awkward silence*

Wammawink, sadly: “Of course it does.” *Horse has already walked away*

The sun finishes setting as the wind blows the plants and through Wammawink’s fur (ominously) and she shivers, going back to the campfire

DREAM SEQUENCE: It’s dark, then we get a flashback dream of a younger Rider and Horse, idk a memory of something to showcase them either while in training or really show their Bond okay? End with them sitting around a campfire with other young soldiers and horses, someone is humming something (the first few bars of the Nowhere King’s Lullaby, no actual words yet). Then Dream!Rider turns to face Horse and asks, “how could you?”

Horse: “How could I what?”

Dream!Rider: “How could you leave me behind?” (The humming grows louder, there’s a lute being played, growing discordant)

Then Horse starts calling into the darkness/void, “I’m coming back for you, Rider! Just hang on, alright?!”

Rider: “Oh Horse, it’s already too late for me.”

“Rider!” Horse yells as they jolt awake, standing, because horses typically sleep standing up.

It’s dawn but the wind and stormy weather signs are picking up but not here yet, Wammawink walks Horse to the edge of the Valley barrier and tries to convince Horse to stay here where it’s safe, but Horse refuses to be deterred

Brief shot of Glendale hiding a bunch of things from her Tummy Hammerspace in order to simulate the feeling of stealing things again later, including the Artifact which falls on the ground

A shot of Durpleton seeing and picking up the Artifact and spotting Wammawink and Horse some distance away going toward the barrier’s edge

Wammawink hangs back on a hill, glowy hands and the magic wall flickers and disappears, and Horse immediately breaks into a gallop and disappears into the forest, Wammawink sighs and turns away

Indeterminate amount of time later, Wammawink recasts the Barrier, and Durpleton misses breakfast so Wammawink enlists Ched to help her look for him because Ched can fly

Cut to a shot of Horse dropping from a canter to a trot on the Rainbow Road, it’s grown darker and the stormclouds are in the sky. Distant thunder booms overhead, and a few scattered raindrops start to fall

“Heyyyy! You forgot your necklaceeee!” a shout from behind

Horse looks back and sees a running Durpleton holding the Artifact, and stops, he catches up to Horse and is gasping, “Wow, you run fast, hoooo, *deep breaths* you’re really *another gasp* athletic! Anyways you forgot your Necklace.”

Durpleton ties the broken string into a necklace around Horse’s neck and Horse thanks them and wishes them a safe journey back to the Valley, but as this happens the rain gradually falls harder. Then the sounds of the Rest of the Herd finally catching up happen, and Wammawink mother hens Durpleton and wants take everyone back home but then a loud BOOM of thunder and lightning overhead, and then it starts to Pour down rain, forcing Horse and co to find shelter until it lets up. Maybe have someone mention something about landslides being a possibility? Durpleton asks how they found them so fast, dim remember, then brief flashback.

FLASHBACK: Wammawink and co searching and calling out for Durpleton everywhere in the Valley, and realize that he must’ve followed Horse for some reason when Zulius FINALLY shows up and mentions that he remembers Durpleton saying he was gonna give Horse back her necklace. The recast Barrier is brought down and they leave the Valley to bring back their friend.

Back to the present where the group has taken shelter as the storm picks up more, and thunder booms overhead, Horse has some nervous horse body language going on, then we get to hear her mutter-singing or humming the “I never fear the drums of war” to calm herself down, but with more stanzas please, when asked she says it’s a battle hymn that Rider sang.

If Horse was humming, Wammawink could ask why she doesn’t sing, she’s sure that Horse has a lovely voice

Horse goes “I’m a horse, I don’t sing.”

Wammawink tries to be encouraging, Horse is resistant

Wammawink invites her to eat (AGAIN) but Horse still turns her (love and affection) down (AGAIN!) and says she’s fine with grazing and Glendale pipes in excitedly that they have decided that they want to travel with Horse (Ched pipes up that he didn’t agree to this) but pls help us convince Wammawink and Horse protests but someone points out to ask “do you even know where you’re going” and they have a point

Horse acknowledges this and relents, states some stuff about how she’s not going to slow down much however. Then Glendale, Zulius and Durpleton rejoice, Ched acts tsundere, but Wammawink looks nervous and wrings her hands together and relents that “they’ll go with Horse as far as the nearest Shaman” and Ched will go, “hey don’t you know he-” and Wammawink shushes him quickly with a gigglecake

Wammawink doubles down on the mother henning behavior

Horse doesn’t eat Wammawink’s gigglecakes but grazes by herself nearby, occasionally answering a question or two when engaged by the others (not Wammawink) and Wammawink mentions how the weather probably won’t let up for very long and they should take it slow and that Horse should bundle up

Horse disagrees but its bedtime and a bedtime song occurs in the backdrop as a restless Horse struggles to stay alert and awake but eventually falls asleep

VISION SEQUENCE: A shimmer of soft blue light, then shots of Rider ducking and weaving, her sword flashing as she tries to weave her way through a horde of enemy soldiers, blood spatters, then an enemy archer takes aim at a fleeing Rider, and Horse calls out a warning. 

Rider turns her head with a surprised look on her face suddenly just enough that the arrow buries itself into her shoulder instead the middle of her back and then she stumbles, one of her arms going limp, but everything goes dark before we can see if she fell

Everything goes dark and the din of war fades away, we get a shot of Horse’s hooves splashing and making ripples into dark water but the camera doesn’t follow her, we hear Horse’s cries for Rider fade, growing further and further away

Still dark, but in the silence we hear distant sound, drip, drip, drip, drip.

Then the episode ends and the credits roll.

[avenger-hawk]

(survivor of genocide anon) yeah hi, i totally agree with what you said regarding focusing on real genocides. I'm somewhat new to the naruto fandom (i used to watch naruto as a kid before) so i wasnt aware people were being harassed in the name of the Uchiha genocide??? Which, what the fuck? I mostly said that because as a genocide survivor i really related to a lot of aspects of Sasuke's character and i find catharsis in like... exploring the massacare. and I thought you were anti that or +

— continuation (genocide anon) like anti reading the massacare as a genocide? or that it would have had similar effects to genocide survivors on the characters, basically.

I didn't explain myself properly.

Ofc people can find catharsis in fiction, because fiction allows people to explore any kind of theme, including very traumatic ones. Actually one of the many uses of fiction is catharsis. Children's old fairytales are very creepy things because of this. Idk about the others but classic European literature explores all sort of themes as well, because authors explore the depth of human soul also through controversial themes or horrible events. So, despite fandoms' recent trend of judging a real person for the fiction they like, it's only natural for some individuals to explore one's own trauma through fiction, just like it's natural for some other individuals to avoid their own trauma surrounding themselves by only positive content.

Technically the Uchiha massacre is a genocide, but I don't like to use this word because I find the official definition fitting: Uchiha massacre is already a strong enough definition, echoing horror movies, suggesting a brutal killing of countless people.

Calling it genocide comes from the other fandom trend, of people wanting to appear "woke" social justice warriors, activists knowledgeable of real world social and political dynamics, so they use real life definitions and words they read in newspapers...nope, they learned in some other woke social justice warrior behind a keyboard, and they think they're cool. They probably are, in a circle of people who read and know less than them. To everyone else they are pathetic. For me their posts are a mix of annoying and second hand embarrassment, because the cool think about fiction is that it's fiction. The N*ruto universe is different. That's why it's interesting.

Also calling the Uchiha massacre a genocide is not only a little embarrassing for the aforementioned reasons, but also because like I said it belittles and ridicules real world genocides, the way the fandom is now, because it makes people get very hyped about 'protecting Sasuke and his clan's rights', which in their little brains means harassing those who, idk, like certain characters, like Itachi, Kakashi, Tobirama and those who sided with Konoha. This, in their poorly thinking brains, doesn't mean finding some characters interesting, hot, whatever, it means supporting genocide. The end result of this craziness is that some fans get crazily worked up about other fans' opinions and taste...cause I'm a 1000% Sasuke fan but what if someone is a, say, Shikamaru fan. There are ppl who are only into Konoha founders, or into Danzo even, should these ppl be considered fans or not? Do you see the stupidity of this argument? lol

Not just this, which is already crazy enough. It's dangerous, because it makes people forget reality and replace it with fiction, and not in a "I'm so into N*ruto that I think about it 24/7 and I daydream and make headcanons and scenarios in my head, also because I hated the way Sasuke was treated and I want to imagine him having justice" but in a "the Uchiha genocide is a war crime that must be punished. Sasuke and the others needs therapy. We must help them and give them justice, not by writing fix-it fics but by calling out all those who are ok with this systemic injustice and exploitation of underage characters"...see the difference? Imagine this crazy, mixed with "if other fans don't support my fight for the justice of fictional N*ruto characters, if they enjoy some controversial plot details that are not justice or wholesome, it means they're not real fans and they must be erased by all means"...it's harassment and it happens all the time.

So, to protect the rights of fictional characters some fans harass real people. For me it's madness, and I say it even if I get extremely pissed off for fiction related details, to the point of unfollowing/blocking ppl for the slight thing lol.

Lastly, another fandom trend is making everything about the individual, as if only those with a certain life experience are allowed to enjoy certain things, as if only those who come from an 'oppressed group' have the right to talk and, very often, insult others pulling the oppressed definition card and seeing who has more, because everyone wants to appear special so while 5 years ago everyone was INTJ/INFJ, lgbt+, black, 'aspie', now pretty much everyone is, idk, mentally ill, autistic spectrum, 'enby', trans, or a genocide survivor, if you get what I mean.

(for those who don't get sarcasm: I'm not saying all those definitions are not valid ffs! They're so valid that I think most ppl on tumblr use them to appear cooler, totally not realizing that irl not being in the majority group is f*cking hard)