#which is what's kind of crazy about my having these two fics in two tabs right next to each other lol

[forcebookish]

i have hardly any control over whether i write present tense or past tense sometimes it just happens

[mothwingwritings]

Kiss The Pain Away

F!readerXMotobe Izou

It’s October, which is one of the most choice months to exist, and I have been mia for weeks and didn’t wish you guys a hello and happy holidays to the start of Halloween so I apologize and please forgive me for that.  ꃋᴖꃋ That being said HAPPY 17 DAYS INTO HALLOWEEN EVERYONE WAHOO YIPPEE!

I come humbly offering a little Motobe fic that I have been working on for an embarrassingly long amount of time some time now, and though it isn’t necessarily explicitly Halloween themed its yandere and messed up so it fits the bill well enough I hope. :D

I really want to maybe (big emphasis on the maybe) put out some kind of spooky/monster thing (even if it’s just a small blurb in the void) for Halloween but I think you all know me well enough by now to know that that may not happen, despite my best intentions. ^^; I will try my darndest though, so here’s to hoping. 八(＾□＾*)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and I love and appreciate you all very much thank you for reading!!! ~<3

WARNINGS: Gore and a lot of blood, this whole fic is basically centered around reader hurting themselves (accidentally) so there is just so much blood. If blood is not your thing please be mindful. Also: kidnapping, forced affection, Motobe being a delusional creep, the tiniest mentions of noncom/dubcon and maybe cannibalism, language, violence, and just general dark/yandere vibes.

Blood surrounded you.

Pooling in your hand, dripping steadily to the floor, an intense pain was pulsating from the open wound it originated from. The weapon you had cut yourself with laid discarded at your feet on the floor, tossed aside the moment you grabbed it incorrectly and caused the gory scene you now stood the center of.

The cut left behind was deep and agonizing, extending over the entire length of your palm and down your wrist, tearing into the soft skin of your upper arm. The initial slice was so excruciating that for a horrifying moment you thought the whole hand had been sliced in two, your body trembling from the shock as you tried to assess the damage through the gore. A sharp gasp of pain hissed from your lips whenever you moved your arm, the searing sting causing tears to dribble down your cheeks as easily as the blood trickled down your arm.

“(Name), I’m back!”

Shit.

Your eyes darted toward the entrance of the house, panic quickly consuming you at the sound of Motobe’s cheery voice. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another hour at least, he told you as much before he left this morning. You cursed under your breath as you took in the mess around you, frowning at the realization that it would take far more than a hasty wipe up job to clear it all away. A deep frown settled on your face, you wouldn’t have attempted this had you of known what little time you truly had.

Motobe was not apt to follow a strict schedule, so trying to figure out when you would be left alone for an extended period of time was no easy task. The man had no concept of personal space, and from the moment he snatched you up moments of peace had become few and far between. He was always breathing down your neck, butting into your business, keeping constant tabs on each and every thing you did while you were trapped under his roof. He tried to play it off as if he was merely just spending quality time with you, taking an interest in your hobbies and life because he truly cared about getting to know you. All he wanted was to be in your presence, to understand you, to show you that he loved you.

The incessant hounding made you sick, his mockery of actual attentiveness rage inducing. That pleased little curl of his lip when you acknowledged him, or the sparkle in his eye when you gave in and conversed with him, did nothing but stir your disdain. It didn’t take you long to come to the conclusion that Motobe must be crazy if he saw his actions as that of a cherishing lover, as if everything he had done to you was anything besides fuel to stroke his ego, feeding his misguided obsession.

If a lasting relationship was his end game, he had already screwed up royally by knocking you out and locking you in his home against your will. It felt like ages since you had seen your friends, centuries since talking to your family. Your coworkers probably thought you were dead, and your landlord had definitely long since cleared out your apartment, someone else was most likely living out their day to day life peacefully inside it’s walls as you suffered. No amount of forced affection and smothering attention would help his case, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise.

For months you had been plotting your escape. Motobe wasn’t keen on leaving you alone, and while he did all he could to spend as much time with you as physically possible, that didn’t mean he never left the house. Some time apart was unavoidable if he wanted to keep you fed and ‘cared’ for without risking you getting sick, hurt, or (god forbid) having you step out into the big, scary world on your own for an errand run.

Though he never seemed to stay out long, he definitely had some kind of life outside of you (a luxury you feared would never be awarded to you again, Motobe seemed quite content to have you rely on him entirely), but he kept you ignorant to the details of his sporadic comings and goings. It wasn’t that you were overly interested in what he did when he stepped away from the building that encapsulated you, but having no real clue as to his hobbies, relations, and profession made calculating what days and time frames he would be away for long periods of time difficult to decipher.

Nevertheless you persevered, and through a careful analysis of his activity you managed to narrow down several dates when he was sure to be gone for longer than just a few minutes, giving you a fair chance to make a move.

 And from there, your plan truly took off.

With a tentative date and time, the next hurdle you focused on was taking note of his secret weapon stashes. You made the most of the moments he’d briefly unveil them, keeping to the shadows so that he wouldn’t spot you peeping, doing your best to commit their location to memory. While stealing peeks at his vast array of artillery, you couldn’t help but wonder who would need THAT many weapons, and what exactly he did out in the world that required him to be so armed? Was he in the military, or maybe a terrorist (the latter wouldn’t be all that shocking, considering how you arrived here)? Was this all just a really intense hobby? It unnerved you, but you pushed past your concerns. After all, he had never threatened you with his arsenal, why fret over it now?

Fueled by the taste of freedom on your tongue, you had started sucking up to Motobe, acting demure and agreeable to get his guard down and (hopefully) grant you more freedom.  Each unwanted kiss was reciprocated, every advance responded to with a coy smile. You never considered yourself much of an actor, but seeing how easily he seemed to fall for it, maybe you don’t give yourself enough credit.

After weeks of gritting your teeth and putting up with his heavy handed affection, all your hard work had finally paid off. Your proverbial chains were lifted, and Motobe no longer suctioned himself to you all hours of the day, granting you some much needed leeway. You took that ounce of freedom and ran with it, walking around the house untethered, narrowing down which doors and windows would make the best escape routes.

Motobe opened up more to you in turn, sharing stories and tidbits from his life that he previously kept closely guarded. While thankful for any insight that may assist your plight, his ramblings left you more confused than anything. From his perspective, he made himself out to be some manner of hero, making cryptic comments that the livelihoods of so many people were weighing heavily on his already overburdened shoulders. He’d always make sure to add that you were never part of that burden, ‘saving’ you was his destiny and an honor, being your guardian was a privilege he didn’t take lightly.

Never mind the fact that you were never once in danger as you lived out your mundane, Motobe free life. If anything, you were probably much safer back then then you were now, but trying to explain that to Motobe was counterproductive, so you kept your mouth shut.

The best you could gather was that he saw himself as some manner of vigilante who did martial arts work on the side to fund his less lucrative job of being everyone’s great protector. His idealistic view on his existence would be endearing if you didn’t know the truth of it. Stomaching his rose tinted view of this life you lived with him was hard enough as is, but actively watching Motobe hide behind his savior complexto justify all his wrong doings added to your revulsion. If nothing else could be said for him, he certainly would make a fascinating case study for any psychiatrist who could stomach his self-righteous bullshit.

But regardless of how much you believed or understood him, you pretended to take an interest in Motobe’s life, using the pieces of info you gathered about his future plans and where he frequently traveled to finally hammer down the ideal timeslot of escape.

For once in a very long time, luck was on your side. And things only continued to get easier for you from there.

Motobe’s new lax outlook on your relationship carried over to his weapons as well, making it much easier for you to take stock of them. Being so close to so many deadly things frightened you, and the fact that they were never far from Motobe’s reach did little to ease your already shot nerves. You had seen him in action as he practiced in his private dojo, wielding each one with the skilled hands of an expert as he decimated training dummy after training dummy. Watching him had acquainted you well with the brutality he was able to inflict with said weapons at his disposal-the flayed dummies a brutal reminder that his gloating was not entirely bullshit. And it wasn’t just weapons either, the man had a knack for turning anything he laid hands on into a deadly device, be it a toothpick or a teddy bear. The damage he could do with an actual arsenal was more than enough to keep you from attempting anything haphazardly, forcing you into subservience to avoid upsetting him, fearful that he may eventually cast his ire your way.

However, even with his new found penchant for opening up, he seldom wielded his weaponry in your presence, mainly only taking them out for routine maintenance. This is how you gained most of your knowledge, by spying on him while he tended to and arranged his varying munitions. Though you did your best to be covert while you did so, you were pretty sure he was always aware you were near. He had asked you several times on cleaning days if you were interested in watching, but each time you bashfully declined, feigning ignorance to your own snooping. Truthfully, it upset you that he was able to read you so plainly, but you were thankful that he seemed to chock your research up to mild interest and not an assault plan.

After you felt you had a decent enough grasp on his hoard, including how they were secured and safeguarded, your plot was nearly to fruition. You had memorized the combination lock that let you into the vaulted room (after you had seen him do it once it was easy to remember, he had made the code your birth date after all), kept track of the different places he kept the keys that lead to each individual weapon case, snagging the one he was least likely to notice was missing. A date had been set for when he would be gone nearly the entire day, so all that was left for you to do was put your plan into action.

And that is how things had proceeded thus far, all according to plan. For a moment you thought maybe God or some other sort of powerful entity had thrown you a bone, pitying you enough that they finally decided to offer some divine intervention. Excitement buzzed throughout you, this was it! Everything had fallen into place and this was your moment to put all your hard work and planning into motion. You would be armed, you would hide, you would spring on Motobe as soon as he came through the door, stunning and wounding him, and then when he was downed you would run as fast as your goddamn legs would carry you and keep running until these past few months were just a horrible blur in the past.

It really was a shame that the key you managed to grab ended up unlocking the weapon you were least familiar with, one with a hidden blade concealed near the handle that you happened to learn about the hard way. Funny how after months of planning all your hope was quashed by one tiny misstep, the throbbing wound on your hand mocking you for even considering you had a chance of escape. If the God that assisted you thus far was watching, you wondered if he was laughing at you.

You frowned as you heard his heavy footsteps coming closer your way. “… Sweetie, can you hear me?”

You fumbled, slipping on your own fluids in an attempt to flee the scene and head to the relative safety of the bathroom. A hiss escaped your lips as your knees collided against the cold tile of the dojo floor with a dull thud, the resulting pain insignificant compared to that of your palm.

Apparently picking up on your blunder, the footsteps in the hall hastened until they stopped abruptly at the rooms entrance. You heard a sharp intake a breath, turning to find Motobe staring at the scene with wide eyes, a furrowed brow, and lips slightly parted as he took in the blood bath before him.

“Baby…” He cooed at you sickeningly, looking at you with such sad, pathetic eyes it made you want to vomit right on the spot. He took a few steps inside, making his way towards you. “What happened?”

His eyes flicked to the discarded weapon on the floor, and a brief shadow flitted across his features, “…You got into one of my caches?”

His voice wasn’t accusing so much as it was disappointed. He breathed a heavy sigh, coming upon your crumpled form with slow, calculated steps, as if you were a scared rabbit he was trying to keep from bolting. Instinctively you went to hide your wound, tucking your hand close to your body to shield your embarrassing faux pas from the man who hovered above you. You could practically feel the dissatisfaction radiating off him as you concealed yourself from him, a deep frown sure to be set on his face if you were to deign him the pleasure of eye contact.

“(Name),” his voice was sterner this time, punctuated by the use of your name and not one of his disgusting pet names, “Let me see your hand. This amount of blood loss is nothing to turn your nose at. You’ll need stitches at the very least. Please, let me see.”

He held out his hand patiently, which you stared at in consideration for several seconds before yielding. Shakily, you withdrew your hand from your chest, laying it gently in Motobe’s steady hold.

“Oh sweetheart” he clicked his tongue, gingerly holding your hand palm up, inspecting the gaping, self-inflicted wound, “Look at this! This is why I always tell you to ask me for help if you have an interest in any of the weapons, you’ll end up hurting yourself like this if you don’t know how to handle them properly.”

In every regard, Motobe was always so gentle with you. Speaking to you, touching you, being intimate with you, he always treated you as if you were made of glass ready to shatter at one mishandle. This interaction was no different, as he carefully turned your hand this way and that, a soft, sincere expression settled on his face. He was deeply concerned for you, worried and upset about the pain you were undoubtedly suffering through.

But even with all his apparent sincerity, the only feeling you could muster for him was contempt. If he hadn’t captured you and forced you into this suffocating house against your will, you would never have suffered an agony such as this. It didn’t matter how kindly he outwardly appeared, you would never give in to him, not when you knew what a monster he truly was.

He let out a low hum as he continued his inspection, “You damn near cut to the bone, we need to get you cleaned up so it doesn’t get infected,” He started to lean towards you, arms outstretched as they began to envelope you, “I’ll take you to the bathroom.”

Slapping his hands away, Motobe’s eyes widened as you scuttled back, your knees smearing your blood in a vibrant, gruesome streak.

“I can walk myself,” You hissed through clenched teeth, shooting him a hate filled glare. “Don’t touch me.”

He sighed, his brow furrowing, “Baby, look at how much blood you have lost. If you get up on your own, you are going to be dizzy. You already fell once, didn’t you?”

You continued to glare at him, jaw set in a harsh frown. You knew he was right, but couldn’t bring yourself to admit it. Your vision was already slightly blurred from the blood loss mixed with the anger that was coursing through your system, if you tried to stand on your own, you were sure to topple instantly.

Taking your silence as a go ahead, he slowly proceeded to wrap you in his arms, hoisting you up as one might a child. He made his way to the bathroom, being sure to avoid slipping on his way there.

With a grunt, he seated you on the toilet and proceeded to dig around for something to staunch the bleeding. It didn’t take him long to procure some gauze bandages and a warm, wet cloth to start cleaning the wound. He moved delicately, but you still cringed the moment he came to near to the torn flesh. Shooting you an empathetic look, he moved efficiently to minimize the time you spent in pain.

After he had gotten the wound moderately cleaned, he had you press a towel to it, catching the new blood that was seeping out. Your heart rate quickened as you saw him fish around for suturing supplies. The pain in your hand was already abysmal, and you weren’t looking forward to the new wave of agony a novice stick job was about to bring you.

He chuckled softly as he laid out his tools, preparing for the inevitable, “You know, I’m a little surprised. I always lock my weapons up securely, double checking them before I leave the room. I know I am getting older, but I am not so senile that I left one wide open…” He shot you a quick look, a definite questioning undertone to it that you found hard to face.

“It must have been some work getting to them,” his voice grew quieter as he turned his full attention your way. There was sternness to him that he didn’t typically use on you, making you want to shrink in on yourself. “Something tells me it wasn’t a mere coincidence that you had one in your possession, and judging by your lack of interest any other time I tried to teach you about them, I doubt you merely wanted to take a look.”

He crouched down, elbows resting on his knees as he stared deeply into your eyes, “(Name)… Why were you in my weapons? What were you trying to do?”

His voice was tinged with dismay, but remained disarmingly reserved. It was as if he knew your whole plan already and just wanted you to fess up to it. He was ready and waiting to hear you confess your sins, break down to him in a sobbing voice about how sorry you were, plead for his forgiveness. And he would give it to you, he always did. Because he loved you, because he cared for you more than anyone, because he was the only one on this entire planet who could ever hold such deep and profound affection for you. You felt like a little girl being scolded by her father, he may be let down by you, but his despondence over this moment would never overshadow the ceaseless adoration he has for you.

It made your blood boil.                                                                                                                         

“What was I trying to do?” You seethed, your body starting to slightly quake with your thinly concealed rage, “I was trying to get the fuck out of here! Escape to some place, any place, where I never have to see you again! You’re so deluded you probably conveniently forgot this, but you kidnapped me you asshole!”

You scooted as far back on the toilet as you could, giving yourself as much space as physically possible. You took a shuddering breath before continuing to spit your venom, meeting his gaze with daggers.

“You think I want to be here, trapped in this hell hole with you? You think I like having you paw at me, or that I get off to you forcing yourself on me? Do you think its fun to have every moment of my life under a microscope, all of my autonomy taken from me as you live out your sick little hero fantasy, convincing yourself that you are caring for me, helping me, or that you actually love me?”

You shook your head, fighting back angry tears that threatened to spill, “You’re SICK Itou, you have been for a very long time. I thought it was obvious at this point, but let me spell it out for you. I took the weapon to fucking attack you. I stole its so that I could hurt you bad enough to run away from this shit hole and get away from you forever.”

Your voice dropped as you stared into his tempestuous eyes, a small smirk tugging at your lips. Maybe you would never be strong or cunning enough to physically wound Motobe, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t hurt him in other ways.

“I fucking hate you,” your words were quiet, but clear, spoken with clear intent. “And no matter how much you pretend otherwise, I will always, always hate you.”

Silence hung in the air, punctuated only by the sound of your ragged breathing. A noticeable chill permeated the room, causing goose bumps to litter your flesh. You expected an intense reaction, a severe rebuttal to your stinging tirade, possibly even tears over how callously you were treating him. Instead, you received suffocating stillness, the man before you a rigid statue, his emotions impossible to read as you stared into his impassive face.

That scared you much more than his fury ever could.

“Hmmm,” he eventually hummed, eyes glazing over as they bored down on you, his grip slowly tightening around your arm, “I found you on your knees, but you must have fallen and hit your head too, huh sweetheart?”

“What’re you talking about-“

The exasperated words could barely leave your lips before he gave a tight squeeze, sending a wave of fresh pain up your already throbbing arm. You cried out, struggling to pull from his grasp, but it only made his grip stronger. You flopped around uselessly, trapped in his constricting hold, tears flooding your eyes as fresh blood seeped through the towel. Flowing freely from your palm down your wrist, it came in contact with Motobe’s hand and started to snake its way down his own arm, deep red trails cutting harsh lines across his unmarred flesh.

“Otherwise you wouldn’t be so cruel, so ungrateful, right? Not after all I’ve done. Not after all I continue to do for you.”

He removed the sopping cloth from your hand, discarding it with a wet slap as he threw it in the sink. He lowered his head to your palm as if he were inspecting your wound, planning how he would proceed in patching you up. His eyes flicked to yours briefly, a dangerous gleam flashing through them that caused a chill to course through you, disturbing you so deeply it froze you to your core.

His lips hovered over your damaged flesh, puffs of his breath causing discomfort when they hit your weeping cut. Gradually he lowered himself until his lips collided with your wound, a searing kiss pressed roughly against your mutilated skin. A pained whine squeaked from your throat, your body jolting in surprise upon contact. You felt violated, more so than you ever had, unimaginable pain driving you to the brink as he planted kiss after kiss upon your hand. Each smack of his lips was a new torture, your hand burning violently under his ministrations, coaxing cries of agony from your gut so vile they sounded nearly inhuman.

Your response did not deter him- instead he fed off of it. Pressing harder, drawing each kiss out as long as he could, letting his lips deliberately linger on your aching flesh, sparking wave after wave of misery the longer and deeper he dug in. You shuddered as you felt his tongue join in your torment, squirming past his fleshy lips to lap at the steady stream of blood gushing against his mouth.

After several endless moments he finally lifted his head, looking up at you with the same lovestruck, doe-eyed expression he reserved solely for you.

“A kiss to make you feel better, darlin’.”

You felt bile rise in your throat as you stared at him in horror, his lopsided grin tinged crimson with your fresh blood.  The bright, violent red that coated his mouth and dribbled down his chin gave him a feral edge. It looked like he had tried to devour you, tear you apart until there was nothing left but your flesh digesting in the pit of his belly-the wolf consuming the lamb.

“But please try and be more mindful in the future,” his tongue swept across his lips, your essence now staining his tongue as his droopy eyes leered at you, “You shouldn’t say things you don’t mean, sweetheart.”

[bloodiedrogue]

You say your playlist making is insane... do tell I want to get better at making playlists

WOAH HO BUDDY you have no idea the pandora's box you've just opened.

okay, so, forewarning this is gonna make me sound insane. i know, you don't have to tell me so let's just get into it!

usually i start with some sort of theme in mind. whether that's a particular song, character, story idea, etc. there's usually a starting point that sort of encompasses the whole thing. in the case of hate that i love you, the song figure you out by djo was definitely the main focus.

NOW after the focus has been established i usually do one of two things:

go through my library and find songs that i know will fit

use various radios relating to said songs to do exactly the same thing

obviously, both of these things are very easy to do but if you're picky like me they can take a while. because of this i usually bust the notes app on my phone and start writing down potentials, making sure that the ones most related are at the top of the list. then, once i've found maybe about 30-50 songs (give or take, sometimes i just want more options) i start looking at the lyrics specifically. especially if the playlist is for a fic.

at which point i'll have probably a million tabs open, reading everything and organizing them most to least related to the plot. this is usually what takes the most time especially because i'll write down specific lyrics in ANOTHER notes app just so i don't forget, but i swear it's not that hard.

what's actually hard is making it all fit together and how i do this is kind of a lot but bare with me.

once i've got a good amount of songs (in hate that i love you's case, the top 20) i'll start a word doc with the following information:

title/artist

specific lyrics that fit the vibe

notes on how the song sounds starting/ending

colour coded tropes (angsty, smutty, fluffy, etc.)

here's an example:

so then finally after i have all that information i listen to how the song flows both in and out and try to match them up with the following/previous songs until everything sort of fits together like this crazy puzzle!

and that's it! :)

[bigfan-fanfic]

Not Your Average First Date (Male!Reader x Mike Monroe)

Requested by anonymous for a Mike fic where he and reader get really close after surviving the events of the game and end up getting together?

You could say your first real date with Mike Monroe was not a particularly ordinary one.

You had been friends before that, even if that friendship was tested to its limit by the events on Blackwood Mountain.

And it was hard to move past those events, particularly because of the nightmare right after the nightmare.

Namely, hours with the EMTs who took care of all of your injuries sustained through the night, and then hours after that spent recounting your stories over and over again for the police, kept separate from your friends.

ANd THEN, the months of media engagement hounding you for details about the Washington family, the disappearance of the twins and Josh, and ultimately keeping all this horror and trauma fresh in your mind.

It's hard to forget something happened when it keeps following you around.

So it isn't until around eight months after the night on Blackwood Mountain that you even see any of the friends in person again. Jessica and Mike broke up, as did Emily and Matt. Chris and Ashley got together but ultimately, it was such a horrible experience for everyone.

Mike had found it really hard to go back to college but forced himself back into work, but he got to you for some awkward tutoring sessions in which you both desperately tried to avoid even the most minor reference to Josh or the lodge or the sanatorium.

And one day you found a text from Mike waiting on your phone, asking if maybe you wanted to get lunch sometime.

It's been hard for all of you - something like what happened alienates you as much as it brings you together - your friends are the only people who could possibly understand you anymore, and what you've been through, but then again, they're reminders of what happened.

Mike's lost fingers are emblematic of this - when you meet again, you're both jumpy, but somehow... it's comforting. You're with someone who doesn't mind that you freeze and go unnaturally still when you hear a loud noise, that doesn't mind that you survey every exit in a room, secure as much as you can. And Mike appreciates the fact that he doesn't have to explain or see you looking at his fingers with macabre curiosity.

You spend almost an hour in near-total silence, the only sounds being you two eating. You pay your tab, and then sit in Mike's car, and words come tumbling out - talking about everything and nothing. What you've heard about the search for Josh, the achievements of your friends, the weird things you do now because you have nightmares about Wendigos every time you close your eyes.

You're not sure when your hand makes its way into Mike's, but by the end of the car ride, you're in his apartment and you're nearly in his lap, under a blanket.

"So... uh, I wanted to ask you something. I've been seeing a therapist, and uh, she thinks it's probably not the most healthy thing for me not to have any roommates. I'm kind of... on my own. Nobody else really... gets it, you know?"

And that was how Mike asked you to move in with him.

It's definitely not easy, but being able to acknowledge that you aren't crazy, that something freaky really happened up there, is such a comfort. The little behaviors Mike has developed are similar and different from yours, but there's very little need for explaining them, because you know exactly what it comes from, the thing you can't tell anyone else.

Mike initially means for you two to have your own separate bedrooms but it feels somehow safer to be in the same one, so with some moving, you just stick a bed on the opposite end.

And one night, maybe after a year of living together, Mike kisses you. You're not even sure why. There was some stupid boring show on, and Mike just turned to you, his arm around you, and moved in, and you moved towards him, and your lips met.

There's no fireworks, no blazing sunbeam illuminating you both. There's just a simple feeling of rightness - that this is what you both had been missing.

Things still aren't easy. There's nightmares, therapy, triggers. Real life getting in the way.

But somehow, the fact that Mike calls you stupid pet names like Puppyface or Sparkles or Honeybunch and the knowledge that you get to rest your head on his strong chest and hear his heart beat any time you want makes it feel just a little bit better.

[blorbosondeck]

fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts​

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!! 

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas​

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas​ 

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3 

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up. 

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones 

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

[hansolmates]

cherry contact |🍒

summary: jihoon has access to all versions of you - your credit score, shopping habits, work emails, even your terrible tinder history. pairing; fbi agent!jihoon x civilian!reader (f) genre/warnings; fluff, crack, it’s really just that “your fbi agent” meme that caused everyone 8 years ago to put tape over their webcams, questionable viewing habits for an fbi agent, language, dick talk, mentions of sex, jihoon has feelings and is confused, he is a PINER, tw—sexual harassment  w/c; 3.3k  a/n; i can’t believe i finished this😭😭 part of meraki’s job collaboration and i’ve been dying to do a svt collab since the dawn of time and finally today’s the day! it’s been a hot moment since i’ve written for jihoon, glad i managed to get those svt writing muscles going! a huge thank you to @merakiiverse​ and @woozisnoots​ for putting this together. readers pls definitely check back on the masterlist linked above to see more of the other talented cwc writers and their rendition of the job prompt!

if you like this fic please consider giving it a like n’share!🤓🖥🤓🖥

“Kevin, 32, works at Kodak,” you scroll further to the description, “I love being tied up and need a dominatrix, have swing at home—no.” Swipe right. 

“Lisa, 24, works at Infinity Dance Studio,” you definitely are weak for athletic ladies, “My hobbies include cuticle care and online shopping! Looking for a sugar daddy or mommy that can spoil me rotten—definitely can’t afford that kind of relationship.” Swipe right. 

“Hansol, 26, works in an art museum,” sounds promising, you love art, “wait, why are all his pictures of him holding fish? Is he inside a fish? Who the heck finds that attractive?” Swipe right. 

“Billiam, 31, works in finance. Needs a bratty baby girl who can triangle,” you grimace, “what is with these guys and stating their kinks from the get-go? Gotta take a girl out to dinner first, and the fuck is a triangle?” 

You swore off Tinder since the dark ages, also known as senior year of college. However you’re in a particular slump, thirst-trapped between needing some serious dick and a committed relationship. You’d prefer the latter, but after a stressful day at work and the fact that it’s the ass crack o’dawn, you’ll take what you can get. 

“Bye Billiam,” you sing-song into your phone, moving to swipe right. 

Except you accidentally drop your phone between your sheets, and when you pick it up you accidentally swipe left. 

“Fuck fuck fuck me with a fuckin’ fuck nugget!” you cry out into oblivion. You’re so glad you live alone at the very least, it stops you from looking like a crazy person when you talk your potential sexipades out. 

Billiam has Super-liked you! 

“No. Nononono—” you bludgeon your head against your pillow, frowning when your phone opens up a chat for you and Billiam. 

Billiam: hi can u check if my dick is too small

You: please, don’t send me a picture of your dick. 

Billiam is typing… 

You: for fuck’s sake—

“—that’s disgusting,” Jihoon curses, and immediately sends out the screenshot for sexual harassment. 

“What’s disgusting?” Mingyu chimes, swiveling in his spinny chair from his side of the room.

“Don’t look,” Jihoon gags, reaching for a bottle of Coca-Cola from the mini-fridge. “You’ll throw up your fried chicken.” 

“My person is a twenty-one year old nympho who also happens to be a incel,” Mingyu chastises to his screen, closing up the eighth tab of BBC porn he’s seen this week, “he doesn’t know how well he’s avoiding the FBI’s eyes,” Mingyu shakes his head, “so I’ve seen some pretty bad shit, but I’ll take your word for it.” 

“No,” he echoes your name like you’ve done the most heinous thing in the world, “no, no! Why would you swipe left on Jackson? You’re way out of his league! He literally looks like he has a pea-sized brain!” 

“He does look like he has half a brain cell,” your voice reverberates through his noise-cancelling headphones, unknowingly agreeing to Jihoon’s passionate throw of anger, “but I’m deprived and desperate, so!” 

It’s like you can hear his sentiments exactly. 

“Literally, you could have any person you want,” Jihoon chastises through his desktop, glaring heavily at your bedroom camera, “you’re wasting your time with these losers!” 

Oblivious, you let yourself dangle across the bed. The camera isn’t the best quality, but Jihoon watches intently at the rise and fall of your chest as you attempt to fall into a fitful sleep. 

“Some yell at screens for soccer,” Minghao says to the air from his cubicle, “some yell for Starcraft, but Jihoon yells for Tinder like it’s an Olympic sport.” 

“Jihoonie,” Mingyu rolls around his chair, resting a long arm over the backrest, “do you have a crush on your civilian?” 

Jihoon immediately swivels around his hair, meeting the amused eyes of Mingyu. “No,” he says sharply, whipping around to glare at his screen. 

He glares harder the longer Mingyu’s simple question sinks in. He doesn’t have a crush on you, he likes you. Jihoon swallows his sigh, wondering why you would want to go as low as Tinder to look for a potential tryst. From your profile, you’re absolutely beautiful and intelligent. You have simple pleasures that match his—a hot cup of tea right after dark, snuggling under a weighted blanket while watching anime, and sleeping in on Sundays.

Unlike him, you don’t see the world through half a dozen lenses and a plethora of information right at your fingertips. No, you’re lucky. 

“Hey can you grab me my water bottle?” Mingyu asks over his shoulder. 

Jihoon thinks nothing of it, leaving his post for the thirty seconds it takes to get to the mini-fridge and grab Mingyu’s Hydroflask. 

“You got a call,” Mingyu says when he plops the bottle on his desk, indicating to the red blinker on Jihoon’s computer. 

It isn’t until he puts on his headphones does he take care to see why his blinker is going off. 

He’s getting an incoming call. From you. 

You’ve been waiting on the line for about two minutes. He lets two additional minutes breeze by because Jihoon is internally screaming. You’re calling again. There’s a fire blazing in his brain, his fingers hot as he twitches against the spacebar of his keyboard. 

From the monitor he can see that you’ve given up on sleep, hands pawing through your drawer so you can take a final swipe at your magenta-tinted lip balm before nesting yourself in the sheets. You’re kicking around as if you don’t have work at 9AM, smacking your lips to apply the shiny salve while you wait for your call to be picked up. 

“Why is my civilian calling me,” it isn’t a question, it’s a thinly veiled indication that Jihoon is ready to fight whoever compromised him like this. 

Mingyu and Minghao fail to answer. That’s okay, he isn’t opposed to killing both if neither fess up. 

It would be so easy for him to ignore the call, or redirect it to another part of the office. Yet he aches to talk to you, for real talk to you. As if you’re just two regular plain-old human beings with normal lives, and as if he didn’t know every nook and cranny about your daily routine and your favorite breakfast foods.

Call it pride, call it confidence, but Jihoon’s been pretty good at games and he hopes prior experience helps him get over this hurdle. Slipping on his headset, he accepts the call and answers in a controlled voice, “This is the local hotline for sexual harassment reports, are you here to report a case?” 

Okay, so this is the closest thing he can get to having a full-fledged conversation with you, so he’ll take it. 

“Hi,” you mumble your name into the phone, and he nearly disintegrates right then and there. It’s different when he can hear your voice directly in his ears, definitively reaching out to him as opposed to being a fly on the wall, “I received an email that a report was sent out for my previous chat as sexual harassment, but I didn’t send out a report.” 

“Yes,” Jihoon replies smoothly, tapping his nails against his thighs, “it’s a new update.” 

“Oh, well thank you,” you reply, and Jihoon sees from the camera that you’re staring at your phone in curiosity. 

“It’s my job,” he says, and the words hold more weight than you think, “are you okay?” 

“Is it also your job to ask how I’m doing?” 

He smiles wryly, and he looks up at the monitor to see how you’ve considerably relaxed on your bed. Your legs dangle in the air, and you’re hugging a mango plushie with all the love in the world. “Not really, but I figured I’d ask. I don’t think I’d be able to recover from a dick that looks like an unhinged toenail.” 

Your laugh flutters in his ears, and his stomach is flip-flopping with more than just his shitty ramen lunch. Your face curls and wrinkles into happiness at the lewd joke, and you rest your chin on your stuffed fruit. 

“I’m okay,” you finally answer, “it’s not the first time I’ve seen subpar dick. But thank you… what’s your name?” 

“Uji,” he says, a codename that he considers as precious as his actual name, “feel free to call or text this number if you’re ever feeling uncomfortable and in distress.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, good night Uji.” 

“Good night.” 

That wasn’t so bad, Jihoon thinks as he hangs up the phone. He dims the monitors to let you freshen up and get ready for bed, as per your schedule. After tonight, he hopes he can be sated with his curiosity of you. Maybe he needs to follow your plans and open up a dating account or something, he feels that he’s starting to get a little too engrossed in your presence. 

The waning starts today. 

You: help, i’m feeling uncomfortable and in distress

Uji: what is it this time? 

You: i can’t decide which weighted blanket i should get. Will more weight make me feel more comforted or will i accidentally suffocate myself in my sleep? 

The waning of you did not start that night, in fact it never began. Jihoon’s been on edge for weeks, simultaneously teetering between what he calls the high-school equivalent of the talking stage and an absolute catastrophe. 

It started as an accident, you meant to call your friend’s number for cooking help but since the last call before your friends was his, you called Jihoon instead. To your surprise, he knew how to roll out homemade pasta without a pasta machine. You kept him on the call for the entirety of dinner preparation, and he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pride when your pasta turned out perfect and you were happy and full for the entire night. 

Weeks later, and you’ve been texting each other for shits and giggles. At first you chalk up your insistence that he’s basically Human Google and has the answers to seemingly anything and everything, but over time it seems that you enjoy your daily interactions with him. Whether it be a simple phone call asking how to unclog your drain or a screenshot comparing two different KitchenAids, he’s at your disposal. 

The burner phone he’s been holding as of late is on silent, but he’s able to pick it up immediately. It’s almost intuition, coupled with the way he notices whenever you seem in a pickle and you need to contact him. However he does not have a chance to formulate a reply, as you’re now calling him.

“Couldn’t wait?” he speaks as if you’re familiar with each other, as if you’re friends. Jihoon longs for that so much, he would love to be upgraded to someone other than the IT guy you text for funsies. 

“Yes,” you say, voice laced with determination, “I’m deciding on whether to just like or Super-Like this guy on Light a Flame.” 

Jihoon deflates a little, but steels himself. You’d never want to go on a date with the IT guy, it seems that you enjoy the anonymity of your recent communications. Your conversations are definitely meme-worthy. 

“Who is it?” 

“His name’s Lee Jihoon, 25, works in the FBI.” 

He chokes on his coffee, precious beans from Argentina, and the liquid is flying across his keyboard. 

Pulling up your phone view, it confirms the worst. In a moment of Weakness with a capital W, Jihoon had caved and made a Light a Flame profile the other night. It’s an app reserved for more serious relationships, which means you’ve finally graduated from Tinder. 

“Are you okay?” he wants to cry when he hears you on the other line, genuinely panicked. “Do you need me to send you his profile?” 

“N-no,” he sputters, rubbing a rough napkin from McDonalds over his dripping chin. He thought he privated his profile last week after he realized there was nothing he could do to let loose of you. Turns out that isn’t the case, because you’re currently pursuing his profile and actually kinda-sorta considering him for a potentially serious relationship. 

“C’mon, Uji,” you tease lightly, “you always seem to know what to do. This is your area of expertise after all, since you work for that kind of department.” 

What should he do, scratch that, what can he do? It’s a complete violation of policy to be fraternizing with his civilian life. Sure, there has been episodes of civilians and agents meeting each other, but only minor violations that both parties forgot about shortly after. He’s so far deep at this point, he can risk being relocated or losing his civilian—losing you. 

“Do you think he really works in the FBI?” you say when he doesn’t reply immediately, “he’s really cute, though. Totally looks like my style, and he likes My Hero as well! C’mon, I just need for you to check as to whether he’s a homicidal maniac or a compulsive liar.” 

Liar. He’s a liar. 

That self-accusation prompts him to slump in defeat, and he mumbles in the phone, “I don’t think he’s worth it. I’d say pass.” 

“Hey, Coups has seniority,” Soonyoung pats Jihoon thoughtfully on the back with one hand, and grilling meat with the other. Barbeque always lifted up Jihoon’s spirits. “Why don’t you give it a chance and meet her for real? And then he can give me your super cute civilian and then he can give my shitty civilian to some newbie.” 

“And if it doesn’t work out, I just lose her,” Jihoon’s eyes are watering, most likely from the excess smoke around their grill, but it does align with his current state of sadness. It was the right thing to do, he thinks over and over as he replays that phonecall from last night. “Hoshi, if you were in my situation, would you have done the same?” 

“Like I said–” Soonyoung—codename Hoshi, waves his tongs around like a magic wand, “your civilian is super cute, so I would be making a beeline to her house and—” 

“Okay, don’t finish that sentence,” you’re his civilian, not Soonyoung’s. 

“Cheer up, c’mon,” Soonyoung’s filling his bowl with all sorts of delicious things, charred vegetables, mixed rice, and pork belly. Jihoon’s favorite is pork belly, so eventually he relents with a timid smile, taking out his chopsticks to appease his friend, “there it is, Uji. Food always makes things better—” 

“Uji?” 

Both off-duty agents freeze, hearing the familiar ting of your voice as it glares holes into Jihoon’s back. It’s you. Since they’re off the clock, he would have no idea you’d be here. Usually that’s fine, it’s early morning and it’s pretty unlikely that you’d run into your civilian considering you’re supposed to know every second of their schedule. It seems that tonight you’ve varied from the norm. 

“Uh, hey?” 

His back is still facing you, and he’s side eying Soonyoung in a panic. He’s wearing a cap and a nondescript hoodie, feeling like a shlub as your familiar voice pings back at him with excitement. 

“I knew I recognized your voice!” you’re unfazed, definitely not realizing the distress the two men are currently going through. “What a small world, I didn’t think we’d ever actually run into each other!” 

“Talk to her, you ass!” Soonyoung hisses, and immediately swivels his chair so he has no choice but to face you.

You’re so, so pretty. Prettier in person, prettier than any crappy 480p screen can give him. You’re definitely not dressed for barbeque, in fact you look like you’re just passing by to pick up a to-go order after a night out. You’re dressed in a silky looking velvet off-the-shoulder top, the cherry red color practically melting onto your skin. The black skirt paired with it has Jihoon salivating for more than just barbeque, and he has no idea how to look away. 

The smile is wiped clean off your face however, and you recognize him almost immediately. “Jihoon?” 

This should be a moment of joy for him, after all it’s far too late to go back at this point. You look a little hurt, your face twisted in confusion as you put two and two together. 

Soonyoung excuses himself to go to the bathroom, although neither party seems to care. The lame, over-distended EDM music that plays over the cacophony of the barbeque place seems to melt in the atmosphere, much like how the smoke hits the fan, and it’s just you two in the room. Jihoon gestures a pale hand to Soonyoung’s seat, and you take a beat to reluctantly sit yourself down. 

You clutch your skirt with both hands, thumbs ringing against the pleats and ironing them out. “So, you’re also Jihoon?” your voice is tiny, small and sad. Jihoon feels liquid guilt inject in his veins, and he wishes he could reach out and pat your shoulder, hold your hand, something. However no matter how much he knows you, he’s a stranger to you. “Why did you lie to me?” 

“It’s… complicated,” you shake your head at his pathetic reply, and Jihoon hates this. He feels like he’s drowning in smoke and mirrors and the cloying scent of pork belly is now sticking to all his senses, immobilizing him. 

With a cross of your arms, you scoff, “It’s always complicated.” 

“Please don’t think I said those things the other night because I don’t want to date you,” Jihoon tumbles the words out like a hamster wheel, wanting to speed up to your pace as fast as he can, “I want to, I really do, but it’s—”

“Complicated.” 

“Yeah.” 

The two of you sit in silence, letting the noise back into your little bubble. Jihoon feels his stare on you, akin to how a teacher looks over your shoulder during an exam. He robotically eats rice, grain after grain as he lets you have your look. 

The slope of his nose, the cotton smooth skin, the lean yet strong stature. You can’t believe he matches the Light a Flame profile perfectly. Other than the frumpy clothes, he matches the man on your phone, a simple picture in a black suit that reminds you strangely of the movie Kingsman. You mentally roll through what you remember from his profile, his hobbies, his likes and dislikes, his occupation—

“Wait,” you pause, your brows knitting together, “so the FBI thing on your profile… is not a joke?” 

Jihoon forgets to chew his last bite, and he swallows a whole two centimeters of meat down his throat. Ouch. 

“It’s—” 

“Complicated.” 

The adjective has a whole new meaning now. It’s crazy how in so little words, so much is exchanged between you two. You might not be realizing it, but Jihoon’s so attuned to you he feels like the pick to your guitar, strumming and humming along your chords like it’s second nature. It really isn’t fair, but anticipating your reactions helps greatly. 

“There’s things you’re not telling me.” 

“Right.” 

“And things you can’t tell me,” you add. 

“Yes.” 

“Then what are some things you can tell me?” 

“I’d… rather not here,” Jihoon’s eyes dart around the room, looking for all the pinholes and micro cams attached to the restaurant. By the bonsai, under the table, in the koi tank, “I need to work out some paperwork before anything.” 

“Paperwork?” 

Jihoon nods mutely, but he looks at you with a litany of emotions in his eyes you’re reeling back in your stool. Why do you feel like this man knows you from a simple five-minute interaction? And why do you feel like you can trust this man with your life? 

“Okay,” you finally say. 

“Really? Okay?” you think he’s cute, the way his eyes perk up and his back straightens. 

“Really.” 

Silence fills the space once more. This time however, it feels more at ease. 

“The only reason why I’m saying yes,” you pretend to nonchalantly play with your fingertips, a manicure reserved for a date you’ve long abandoned for this evening in favor of a new flame, “is because I think FBI agents are kinda hot.” 

A flush blooms on Jihoon’s cheeks, and you can’t help but giggle. 

[maknaesdancersrappers]

the truth about you.

⁕ commission  ⁕

warnings » smut (explicit sex scenes; oral, fingering, corruption kink), language (repetitive use of profanities), themes (friends with benefits, underage drinking, pregnancy scare), angst (please have a fluff fic ready to read after this one)

genre » high school!au, fwb!au

word count » 25k

playlist » link

dedicated to  » jae ♡ ; thank you so much for commissioning this fic, it was draining to be honest, but i’m happy of how it turned out and i’m glad you enjoyed it.

+ timeline is a bit messy, but hopefully none of you catch it ㄟ( ▔, ▔ )ㄏ

terminology » yakgwa (korean honey cookie), ssireum (korean wrestling)

The library is your safe haven. The soft murmurs, the books, the cold air — all of these brought you peace and was the most ideal studying environment for you. It didn’t matter to you if your schoolmates called you a nerd all your high school life; let’s see who’ll be graduating with honors and, hopefully, a full scholarship to Seoul National University.

The only time you didn’t enjoy the library was when midterm exams were around the corner and students were cramming at the library, rushing to make reviewers, or even learn what they should have already known had they listened during class. This was the breeding ground for one of your pet peeves: people who can’t control the volume of their voices. Why do they even bother whispering if the entire library could hear it? You especially hated those whose voices get gradually louder and louder until they’re already practically exclaiming.

You would have gone to a lesser known cafe but you’d have to pay for a drink to stay there, whereas the library allowed you to bring in your own drinks as long as they were in reusable cups or tumblers. Today, however, you were only dragged here despite it being peak cramming season because your best friend had begged you to tutor him.

“I love you with all my heart, [Y/N].” Jungwoo grabs your hands and brings it to his chest. “Only you could teach me chemistry better than Mrs. Yoon—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” You had just arrived at the table he was able to reserve and barely put your things down before he started acting dramatic. “Just highlight which topics you don’t get—”

“Everything.” He says in one breath, pulling out the best puppy eyes expression he could muster.

“Everything?” You browsed through your chemistry notes and sighed. This was going to take longer than you expected.

Sensing your apprehension, Jungwoo grabs your hands again, “I’ll buy you lunch for two days, please!”

You sit down beside him after shaking his hands off yours and settling in, “That’s not why I’m having second thoughts, Woo. I need to study for other subjects, too.”

Jungwoo scoffs, crossing his arms and leaning away from you, “Baby, you’re top 1 of the entire batch.”

“No, I’m not.” You scowled, turning around to grab your pencil case from your book bag. As you did so, excited murmurs erupted from the table beside yours and curiously, you followed the gazes of the girls to the door that had just closed. Sitting back up, you huffed, “I would be if he wasn’t around.”

Your best friend moves his attention to the person in question and lets out a sound of acknowledgement.

Jaehyun was never your classmate, but he’d been vying for the top spot against you for years. He was the living proof that God had favorites; blessing him with brains, beauty, and brawns. Aside from being an honor student, he played for the school varsity basketball and was a substitute player for the soccer team. This guy was annoyingly handsome as well; drop dead gorgeous with flawless, fair skin.

“He’s so hot.” Jungwoo sighs, taking a second to realize what he said and looked around to make sure only you had heard. “You know I was classmates with him freshman year, right? After gym, all the guys would shower in the locker room and I could confidently tell you that he’s packing—”

“Jungwoo!” You scolded, raising your voice just loud enough to get hushed by the librarian and everyone turns their heads towards you. You mouthed an apology and bowed your head, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Of all the places your eyes could fall onto, it had to be on Jaehyun, who by the looks of it, was amused at what had happened. “I hate you.” You whispered to Jungwoo.

“Sorry. At least everyone’s a lot quieter than earlier.” He gestures to your notebooks, “Let’s get started. You know I can’t fail chemistry.”

Before you could open your notes, Jaehyun is looming over your table and leaning on one arm.

“Hi, Jungwoo.” He greets, flashing that infamous dimpled smile.

“The last time we spoke was during freshman year.” Jungwoo points out, unaware he sounded rude, but Jaehyun didn’t seem fazed by it. In fact, he seemed to agree with the statement.

“Do you need something?” Your peripheral vision catches some jealous frowns from the other table, “We’re kind of busy.”

“[L/N] [Y/N].” Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, “I was just wondering why you’re here during midterm season. You never study in the library during this time.”

“How do you know?” You ask, glancing at Jungwoo. He’s already ignored Jaehyun, reading through his notes.

“I like to keep my eye on the competition.”

Even this makes Jungwoo look back at him, moving his gaze back and forth between the two of you.

You stare up at him, a little dumbfounded, before your brows slowly rise up. “So you keep tabs on me?”

“I was really disappointed in myself when I was top 2, you know. But I gotta admit,” He chuckles, “It’s impressive how you were able to beat me a couple of times.”

There was something in his tone that didn’t sit right with you. It wasn’t just him being conceited about it. Is he taunting you?

“Well, it’s not a difficult feat to beat you.” You shot back.

Jaehyun smirks, clearly enjoying this squabble with you. “So you think you could beat me? There’s only two major exams left for senior year. This week’s midterm and next year’s final exams before graduation. You think you could beat me for both?”

“You can bet on it.”

“[Y/N].” Jungwoo whispers, putting a hand on your arm, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Bet? You wanna bet on it, [L/N]?” Jaehyun straightens himself up and crosses his arms over his chest, emphasizing how tight his sleeves are on his shoulders and biceps.

You could have been swooning with Jungwoo right now but there was a flame of aggression burning in your chest at the prospect of beating Jaehyun and getting him to do something for you. “We can decide what’s at stake after the exams.”

“Deal?” He puts out one hand towards you, a confident smile plastered on his face.

For the brief second you hesitated, you thought of all the possible things he’d ask for. Bragging rights, definitely. Personal assistant, maybe? He wouldn’t ask you to do something wild like run naked during one of his halftimes, would he?

“Scared?” He pulls you out of your thoughts and you huff at him, grabbing his hand and giving it a firm shake.

“Deal.”

Jaehyun grins at you, repeating the agreement, and bids both of you a good day. Once he leaves and joins the table two rows down. Did he really skip his table just to challenge you?

“Are you crazy?” Jungwoo pulls on your arm and you wince at the pain, “The only reason that guy is an honor student and plays for two sports is because he’s competitive as fuck. Don’t you remember he got benched for the consecutive fouls he got in sophomore year because we were losing by 2 points? 2 points! And it was only the first half of the game!”

You do, in fact, remember that time. You couldn’t stay long too watch the game and ran into him while you were heading out. That was the first time you ever interacted with him, as well as putting a face to the name that stole the top spot of the honor’s list. He was visibly annoyed; silently fuming in front of the vending machine and angrily jabbing his finger at the canned iced coffee button. Curiously, you approached him to ask if it was broken and he apologizes, saying he just didn’t have change on him since he was wearing his uniform. He moves away to let you use the machine and you end up buying him one before catching the bus to your old dorm.

“I remember and so what? Do you think he’s going to cheat? He’d be expelled.” You briefly glance at your notes before glaring back at him, “Do you think I can’t beat him?”

“No.” Jungwoo shakes his head, “But what if he does? We don’t know what he would do to you.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” When he opens his mouth to rebut, you quickly ask him, “What’s the atomic number of gold?”

You always entered the classroom during exams with confidence; not an ounce of panic or distress in your system, unlike the rest of the class as they scrambled to check their reviewers a few more times until the teacher came inside. 

Today was a little different.

There was a heavy, upsetting feeling in your stomach all because the bet between you and Jaehyun was nagging at you in the back of your mind. You poured in a few more hours a day to review, even during your part time work at the convenience store Jungwoo’s family owns.

Speaking of Jungwoo, he looked a lot more confident than you. He was fiddling with his pencil and murmuring to himself, probably recalling the terms needed for the exam.

The teacher comes in and the whole class falls silent, sitting straight in their seats. Because you were seniors, Mr. Cho took it upon himself to give a small speech about how this exam isn’t something to worry about as he has full confidence in everyone that they’ve studied well. Of course he said this while smiling at you and you’re hoping you didn’t over-study yourself to the point of blanking out when the test papers are in front of you.

Fortunately, when he was done with his little monologue and finally passed the papers, you were able to breeze through the questionnaire once he gave the go signal to start. You were even able to go through your answers thrice until time was up. Your worries start to ebb away as the day continues on and until the last test is submitted in, you finally feel the weight over your shoulders lift.

“That was exhausting.” Jungwoo complains once he walks over to your table with his bag haphazardly hanging off his shoulder. “Why can’t there be two days for exams?”

“We had too many suspensions because of the monsoons.” You reminded him, standing up once you’ve gathered your things. “But at least it’s over. How was chem?”

He groans, hiding his face into his palms, “I messed up a few of the balancing chemical equations, but I think I did pretty well. I mean, I can only thank my wonderful tutor if I get so much as a B- on chem.”

“Aunty said she’d make yakgwa for us for finishing our midterms. Could you save some for me?”

Students were rushing out of the room, meeting their friends in the hallways to express their joy and relief that the exams were over and discussing their answers. You and Jungwoo always waited until the crowd had thinned before heading out yourselves.

“Sure. Where are you heading off to?”

Reaching your lockers, you grabbed a book and slipped it into your bag. Seeing this, Jungwoo bleats at you.

“We just finished midterms and you’re going to start studying already?”

“The next exam we have is CSAT in November. I just want to start refreshing myself since the coverage is what we’ve learned through high school. I’m not pulling an all nighter or anything.” You close your locker and adjust your bag strap on your shoulder. “Do you wanna join me?”

He makes a face at you, stepping away, “No, mom made yakgwa and I’d like to eat them as soon as possible. I’ll leave you one piece, okay?”

You swing an open palm at his arm and he flinches away, retracting his statement and promises to save you no less than 5 pieces. With that, you two part ways down the hall and you head for the library.

The silence was welcoming as you walked through the automatic sliding doors of the library. There’s a few people scattered throughout the first floor tables, maybe passing time or preparing for CSAT like you — you couldn’t possibly be the only one thinking about it, too. For a change, you head up to the second floor and find a nice corner table that was tucked away between the towering bookshelves of the periodical section.

You set your little station up, taking your pencil case, notebook, and your history book out and setting it down in front of you. Opening it up to the first page of the first chapter, you look through the words you’ve already highlighted, remembering each one while mumbling it to yourself.

“Studying already?”

You gasp, whipping your head up to the newcomer and huffing when you recognize his face. “Oh my god, Jaehyun. Can you not sneak up on me?”

He pauses for a moment before his lips grew into a little smirk, “Midterms just finished and you’re burying your nose into a textbook in the library. I feel like I shouldn’t even be surprised.”

“So I want a head start in reviewing for CSAT, what of it?” You watched him take a seat on an empty chair with disdain. “You’re here, too.”

“Yeah, because I saw you go in here after you separated with your boyfriend.”

“Jungwoo’s not my boyfriend. We’re best friends.” You quickly correct him, “So you’re stalking me?”

Jaehyun sighs, leaning his cheek on his knuckles over the table. “I’m just keeping an eye on the enemy.”

“Enemy?” You frown at him, “You think of me as your enemy?”

“Well, we’re both running to be valedictorian, aren’t we? There could be only one.”

You nod at his words, “Yeah, but I don’t think of you as the enemy. I think it’s too strong of a word.”

“Then what am I to you?”

“Some guy,” You shrug your shoulders, “Some guy who’s in my way.”

Your words make his mouth slowly drop open and you can’t figure out if he’s stunned or offended by your statement. Eventually Jaehyun scoffs in disbelief and smiles, “I’m in your way?”

“Yep.” Emphasizing your answer by popping your lips at the ‘p’, “Like you are now.”

“Am I distracting you?” He gestures to himself and items on the table.

“Obviously.”

“Good.”

You closed your eyes and heaved a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Glancing around, you two were practically concealed in the corner and you couldn’t see where you could move to.

“Are you really here just to annoy me?”

Jaehyun purses his lips and you scold yourself for staring at them. How could a boy have such pretty lips? They look naturally pink and plump. Even Jungwoo’s pouty puckers couldn’t come close to his.

“Unless you consider me trying to get to know you a nuisance, then yes, I am most definitely here to annoy you.”

You prop your elbow up on the table and leaned your cheek on your knuckles, “Now why would you waste your time on something like that?”

He mimics your posture, except he cradles his chin on an open palm, “What makes you think it’s a waste of my time?”

The longer he stares at you, smiling softly with his dimples just peeking through his cheeks, the more your heart beats faster. This was only the third time you’ve ever interacted with him and the most you’ve exchanged words.

“Why are you flirting with me—”

“Why not—”

“ — and don’t,” You unconsciously lean away from him and cross your arms in front of you, “answer with a question.”

Jaehyun pouts, jutting his lower lip out, and it makes you wonder how they feel like; against your fingertips, your skin… your own lips.

Unconsciously, you lick your own lips as you divert your attention down to the open book.

“Hm,” He hums, “Have you thought about what you want if you win our little bet?”

“I have.” You rest your intertwined arms on the table and straighten your back, “Are you free every Friday and Saturday nights?”

There was a sleazy grin on his face that immediately tells you he’s misunderstanding your question. He chuckles, “You don’t have to win a bet if you want to go out on a date.”

You giggle, making it sound as real as you can as you fight the urge to roll your eyes, “I’m not asking for a date, Jung.”

It was oddly satisfying to see his face fall and stutter over his mistake, the tips of his ears turning a little pink.

“I just want you to take a few shifts for me at my part-time job.” You explained, “I work at a family convenience store every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights, and every morning on the weekends.”

“So let’s say you do win the bet and I take over your shifts,” Jaehyun grabs your pencil case and inspects it. Seeing it in his hands makes you realize just how old and dirty it was; it’s a furry case that was a shining silver when you first got it, as if the fibers were spun out of real silver. Now it was just a light gray with its once soft fur now patchy and rough. He looks at it contemplatively, “What are you going to do on your free nights?”

“Go on dates, duh.” You roll your eyes at him, gesturing with a hand. After a few seconds of silence, you snort, “I’m kidding. I don’t go on dates — never been on one. What I’d do on my free nights is not your business.”

He looks at you like you’ve grown another head, “You’ve never been on a date?”

“N-no...” You clear your throat, “Unless you consider all the times I’ve went out on Jungwoo—”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” You hissed, “I already told you that we’re only friends.”

“Then it’s not a date.” Jaehyun says in a-matter-of-fact tone, “You go on dates with people you like to get to know them more. Wait.”

His eyes squint at you, but not in a manner of judgement. It's as if he’s trying to rack his brain for the right words to say.

“You’re a virgin, then.”

You feel your heart drop to your stomach and your cheeks burst into flames. It was purely reflex, reeling your hand and swinging an open palm across his cheek before either of you could blink. The snap of your palm on his cheek left a resounding echo in the nearly empty library and thanks to his pale skin, your handprint grows bright red right away.

It takes a second, but you realize what you’ve done and you begin to pack up your things.

“No, wait,” He grabs your wrist, “I deserve that. Don’t leave yet.”

Against your better judgement, you stayed put, although keeping your book bag on your lap.

He breathes in, “I’m sorry. That was none of my business.”

“Did I,” You move your head closer to the imprint on his face, “Did I hit you too hard?”

He raises his fingers to where you’ve slapped him, doing his best not to wince, “I’ve been through worse. You know, you’re the first girl to ever slap me.”

“Are you insinuating that you’ve done things that you should have been slapped for?” You ask in an incredulous tone, “Either way I can’t say I’m proud of it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, by the way. It’s your life.” He licks his lips, “So you want to wait until you’re married?”

You shrug your shoulders, “It’s not that I want to wait until I get married… it’s just… it seems daunting. How do you even know what to do?”

He stifles a chuckle, shaking his head, “It’s human nature. It’s not something you study for.”

“As someone who takes studying seriously, I don’t think I can be put into a situation where I’m expected to do something I have no knowledge on.”

Jaehyun stares at you, considering your words as he slowly nods, “Okay… would you… like to learn?”

You cock your head, thinking you misheard him, “What?”

“I’m asking you if you want to learn… firsthand… about sex.”

When you finally wrap your head around his question after a good minute, you scowl at him, “Is this some ploy for you to get laid?”

“Don’t slap me!” He leans away when you move your arm, “You said you find sex intimidating and I’m telling you it’s not. You think you have to learn to have sex, well then I’ll—”

“Offer to teach me with your extensive knowledge and skills on it?” You deadpan, pulling your lips taut into a tight line. “What makes you think I'd say yes?”

Jaehyun raises his shoulders, “Most girls would have.”

“Oh.” You say, tasting something bitter in your mouth, “So you’ve offered these kinds of services to other people then?”

“No.” He quickly denies, “Just you. Other times, it’s the other way around and before you say anything smart, no, I don’t always say yes.”

Unconsciously, you hug your bag to your chest. You barely know this boy and he’s here offering to teach you about something you have absolutely know nothing about aside from the reproduction aspect. Are you willing to bare yourself to him? You hear the rumors in the girls’ bathroom; how they say he’s good in bed and going as far as calling him a sex god. What does that make you?

“Okay, wait,” Jaehyun starts, “I’m telling you right now so you have time to think it through. I don’t wanna force you so you can say no if you don’t want to and I’ll think of something else. If I win our little bet, let me teach you about sex.”

You internally scream at yourself for even considering his offer. You made a promise that you’ll only focus on school and won’t date to avoid distractions — but what Jaehyun was offering wasn’t even technically dating. What would your parents think about their breadwinner sleeping around with some guy she doesn’t even love? What if the school finds out? How would the girls pining after him, who are undoubtedly prettier than you, treat you, the school nerd?

“I don’t have to think about,” You held your chin up, “Because I’ll be top 1.”

“How tenacious.” He muses, leaning his cheek on his knuckles..

“I can say the same about you.” You mumbled under your breath, checking your phone for the time. “Well, you’ve successfully derailed me from studying.”

He flashes a victorious grin that both gives you butterflies in your stomach and fist clenching in annoyance. “Do you need a ride home?”

“I don’t need you to know where I live.” You snap, “And if you even try to follow me, I promise to get a restraining order against you.”

Jaehyun pouts at you and you feel them again, the butterflies wreaking havoc in your core. “Fine. But I have one more question.”

“And that is?”

“Have you had your first kiss?”

You sneer at him, a little offended, “Yes.”

“Don’t tell me it’s Jungwoo.”

“And if it was?”

He presses his lips together before sighing, “Let me be more specific with that question. Have you ever kissed anyone, not with just your lips, with your mouth — tongue and all.”

You suck your teeth and gaped at him, clearly looking like a deer caught in the headlights. When you had your first kiss with Jungwoo, it was only because both of you were in high school and have yet to kiss anyone. It also served as the reason that neither of you will ever see each other as anything more than friends.

“I’ll take your silence as a no.” Jaehyun hums, “What would you do if I’d kiss you right now?”

“I’d slap you.” You answer immediately, not batting an eyelash to prove how serious you were.

He inhales sharply, “Okay, uhm, what if I asked?”

“Do you always think with your dick?”

“That’s not a no.”

“And you didn’t deny.”

You bite on your lower lip to stop yourself from smiling, looking away when his face breaks into a wide grin. What were you doing? Get a hold of yourself. But… 

“I’ll admit there are times I’ve thought with my dick. Just your average hormonal teenager.”

“And I’ll admit,” You pause, “that I can’t say I’m not completely opposed to kissing you right now. Just, you know, your average curious teenager.”

He studies your face for a moment, “Yeah?” He starts scooting closer until he’s right where the corner of the table is.

“T-this doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to sleeping with you. I’m still firm with my decision of declining your offer.” You raise your hand in front of him and he takes hold of it.

“Maybe this would sway you.”

He waits for you to lean towards him, still holding your hand. His hand was soft and warm around yours, his thumb gently moving over your knuckles like it was fragile. He looks different, almost a little serious compared to the flirty, playful persona he had a few seconds ago; his eyes looked considerably darker, watching you study his face. His lips are parted, just as pink and full like always.

You nervously glanced at the opening of the little area, worried the librarian or another student would catch you two, although it was unlikely since no one really bothered going to the periodical sections.

“Don’t worry.” He whispers, “It’s just you and me here.”

“You’re not going to tell others, are you?”

With his free hand, he tucks your hair behind your ear. It was cliche and you would have pulled away or slapped his hand off, but all you could feel were the butterflies fluttering in your stomach for the third time in the past hour.

“I won’t. Whatever is going to happen stays here between the periodical section shelves.” His eyes shift down to your lips and you gulp when his tongue darts out between his.

“I… don’t know…” You’re losing your ability to speak, tuning everything out and focusing on him.

“It’s okay just follow my lead.” He guides you to lean forward, inclining your body over the table corner. His face was a few inches away, with his breath ghosting over your philtrum, but he doesn’t kiss you yet, waiting for your go signal.

When you fervently nod, he closes the gap between your faces. Just as you thought, he had soft lips; like the petals inside of a rosebud. Cupping your face, he runs his thumb over your cheekbones while he tilts his head to the side for better access. You gasp at the sensation of his tongue skimming along your bottom lip and he uses this as a chance to slip the muscle into your mouth.

It felt foreign, but also oddly nice. He tastes like bitter coffee and sweet mint combined. Without meaning to, you sucked his tongue and he let out a soft groan. Whenever you overhear someone saying how hot it is for a boy to moan, you never understood them until this moment and you want to hear more of it.

You push yourself closer to him, moving your tongue against his and fighting for dominance. Your head was spinning as if he was some hard liquor and you’re getting drunk off of him. When you feel his hand disappear from your cheek and find its way by your chest, inching towards your back, you panic and pull away.

He looks surprised and a little disappointed, nonetheless he doesn’t say anything and watches you. You’re breathless, face hot and flustered, unable to meet his gaze.

“I…” You swallowed, still tasting him on your tongue, “I need to go.”

“I…” Jaehyun nods, “Yeah, okay. Are you sure you don’t need a ride?”

“Yeah, thanks anyways…” Your hand twitches and it was only then both of you realize you were still holding hands. You retract yours first, using it to grab your bag by the strap and shrugging it over your shoulder. “Uhm, bye.”

“Y-yeah, uh, take care.” Jaehyun stays glued to his seat as you scurry off away from him. He stares back at the hand that held yours, discerning how cold it was now that you were gone. He groans, lurching forward to rest his head on his folded arms as he wills his little problem away. You looked so pure and innocent, cheeks bright pink and glowing, looking absolutely breathless from the kiss.

Meanwhile as you hurriedly walk out of the library, you swipe your tongue over your lips, still tasting the mix of coffee and mint. That was your first real kiss. Jung Jaehyun gave you your first real kiss - no, you had your first makeout session with him. You could still feel your cheeks burning at the thought, but you’re hoping it’s just your annoyance at him because he was right.

You really were considering his offer.

“Why are you so nervous?” Jungwoo grabs hold of your hand and pulls your fingernails away from your teeth. “I’m sure you’re number 1. And if Jaehyun is, then he couldn’t have betted on something bad, right? He doesn’t seem like the type.”

It’s been more than a week since the exams and the… event… at the library. It took you a day or two to go back and Jaehyun, thankfully, didn’t turn up. You didn’t tell a single soul, not even Jungwoo, who you’ve been confiding every dark secret you had to.

You both woke up early to see the results posted on the schoolyard before the other students flocked the bulletin board and it’ll be a battlefield for a chance to read the results up close. 

Walking up the rickety bulletin board, you hold your breath before approaching the list for seniors on the left. You could hear your own heart beat hammering in your chest.

“Hey! I’m 53! Dang, that’s 3 spots from being top 50.” Jungwoo points at his name on the middle section of the board. “Ha! Nakamoto Yuta is 51! I just need to surpass him and these other two for the finals. How about you?”

His face drops when he sees you staring at him, crestfallen. It wasn’t hard to spot your name; there were only two spots possible for you and this time it just had to be below Jung Jaehyun’s. Your mouth feels dry as you respond to him, “I’m second…”

“Oh, [Y/N].” He comforts, pulling you into a hug. “Maybe he’ll ask for something petty?”

“Jungwoo, there’s something I need to tell you. Can we go to your club room?” You look back at the school entrance, seeing a few more students come in. Jaehyun was the few students who already had their license so it should be easy to know if he was arriving or already here.

Jungwoo was part of the board games club. You’ve sat in a few times during their club meetings since they only had a few members and it was always fun playing board games that aren’t monopoly or snakes and ladders. Their club room was one of the extra rooms under the library’s second floor that was only accessible outside, beside the anime club, and was very secluded. 

He digs his fingers inside a flower pot on the window sill and fishes out a key that he dusts off before unlocking the door. You enter first while he puts the key back into the soil of the poor, harassed petunia plant.

“Jaehyun said he wants to teach me about sex.” You blurt out once Jungwoo closes the door behind him. His eyes go wide and he pretends to clean his ears.

“Come again?”

“Remember how I went to the library after midterms? He followed me there and we started talking and he kept asking these questions and — and it somehow ended up with him figuring out that I was virgin and I slapped him and then he said if he wins the bet, he’d want to teach me about sex but if I don’t want to then I can say no and he’ll think of something else.” You inhaled deeply once you let it all out like vomit.

Your best friend stares at you, visibly confused, “Wait, that’s a lot to take in… you slapped him and then he offers to teach you sex? And if you can decline it, then why don’t you just say no?”

“We kissed.”

“You what?!” Jungwoo screeches, “You kissed him and you didn’t tell me?!”

“I’m sorry! It’s just,” You shrug your shoulders before defensively crossing your arms in front of you, “you know me, Woo. I’ve never kissed — made out — with anyone before and…”

“You want more?” He finishes for you and you slump down the nearest chair.

Exasperated, you stared up at him, “Tell me I shouldn’t say yes to his offer.”

“I think you should say yes to his offer.”

You sighed in relief, grateful you had someone like him to help you — wait a minute.

“What?!”

He holds his hands up in front of him as you jumped up from your seat, “I mean, if Jung Jaehyun had offered to teach me sex, then I’d definitely say yes. Is it a friends with benefits type of deal?”

“We’re hardly friends. If I say yes, then we’re fuck buddies.” You sit back down and look at the shelves where they kept the board games. “I need time to think about it. Please help me avoid him.”

“[Y/N]...”

You put your hands to your face, “I swear I’m not running away from it. A deal is a deal. I just need a little more time to think about it.”

Out of habit, you bite on your thumb and space out. You’ll handle this situation like how you handle every decision: weigh out the pros and cons.

Pros: you’ll learn something you’ve been very curious about and your “teacher” is quite skilled according to the female populace, so you’re in good hands. It’s not a merit you want, but you can say you’ve slept with the ever popular heartthrob, Jung Jaehyun.

Cons: you could get pregnant regardless of the use of contraception and you’re prone to sexually transmitted diseases. You could get possibly addicted to it to the point it would distract you from school and ruin your chance to get your scholarship.

Where does falling in love with Jaehyun fall under?

You mentally slap yourself; no one is falling in love in this predicament.

The sound of the door opening pulls you out of your thoughts and your eyes meet with sophomore member of the board games club, Mark Lee.

“Oh! No wonder the door is open. What are you two doing here?” He nods at the two of you and you respond with a smile.

“Just needed a private place to talk.” You explain, catching Jungwoo’s gaze. “And you?”

“Oh,” Mark sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, “I was gonna skip my first class to study for recitation on my second one.”

Jungwoo puts a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry we all have days for that — unless you’re [Y/N].”

“Hey! I saw that you were top 2! Congrats!” He claps his hands, but eventually stops when he senses neither of you were in a celebratory mood. “Is… something wrong?”

“I was just really… betting on getting top 1. No big deal.” You wave a hand in front of you, “It’s not like being second affects my academic standing.”

“Well, if you won’t celebrate that, then let’s celebrate my birthday! I’m having a party at my place this weekend. Nothing big, just the club and a few other people.” He rubs his hands together, “You don’t even have to give me a gift. Your presence is a gift—”

Mark’s mouth forms into an ‘o’ and he snaps his fingers, “Your presence is a present!”

Maybe Jungwoo laughed out of pity while the younger nearly pissed himself in a fit of giggles, but your mind is thinking about the bet again. What were you going to tell Jaehyun?

By some miracle, Jaehyun didn’t hunt you down for your answer and you wouldn’t say you avoided him since you two never really crossed paths before. Jungwoo’s mom let you and Jungwoo off for your Saturday shifts for Mark’s party and even though he said not to get him anything, you and Jungwoo still got him something.

It was a casual gathering so you didn’t feel the need to get dressed up, however you do enjoy wearing light dresses since it was summer season, throwing a cardigan over your shoulders when the night air gets too cold on the way home. You might be a nerd, but like any other girl, you liked to put on makeup when you felt like it, but today you simply wore strawberry-flavored lip balm.

The two of you were at Mark’s place a little after six and the birthday boy opens the door with a huge grin as you both greet him.

“You’re both here! Come in!” He ushers, stepping to the side. When Jungwoo hands him your gift, he clicks his tongue, “Ay, I said you didn’t have to.”

“We can serve this, you know.” You quip and Mark cocks his head, eyes growing wide when Jungwoo finally drops the gift into his hands.

“Yo! Is this what I think it is?” He exclaims, ripping the lid of the box off to reveal a watermelon.

You’ve never seen anyone get so excited over watermelon before — but maybe that’s what makes Mark loveable. You open your arms to him for a hug and once he returns the gesture, your eyes go down the hallway and see the one person you didn’t expect to see here.

“Uhm,” You push Mark off a little hastily, “I-is that Jaehyun?”

Mark glances back to see the boy in question helping himself to the drinks on the kitchen island, “Yeah. He was my student facilitator during freshman orientation. Do you wanna meet him?”

You scowled, “Oh, we know each other. I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“He’s cool.” Mark shrugs, “Well, let’s go in! I’ll figure how to slice this up.”

“Let me. We don’t want the birthday boy to lose a finger during his birthday, now do we?” You nervously laugh, taking the large fruit away from him. You shot a nervous glance at Jungwoo and it was all he needed to know that you were finally going to talk to Jaehyun.

While Mark and Jungwoo head into the living room, where everyone was gathered, you walk to the kitchen just as Jaehyun was about to return to where everybody was. He stops in his tracks, clearly surprised to see you.

“[Y/N]?”

Hugging the melon to your stomach, hoping it crushes the butterflies before they go wild, you nod, “Hi.”

He was wearing a plain black shirt and some ripped skinny jeans; something so simple but it looked like he walked right out of a photoshoot.

“I didn’t know you know you were friends with Mark.” 

“I said the same thing about you to him.” You look around the kitchen for the knives.

His eyes drag down your body and you suddenly feel self-conscious, “What are you holding?”

Finally spotting the knife rack, you smile at him, “Mark’s birthday gift.”

Walking over to the counter, you pick a knife and a chopping board before removing the watermelon from the box.

“Ah, that’s a smart gift.” He comments, appearing beside you all of a sudden that you flinch as you look up at him, “I’ve never seen anyone love watermelon so much.”

“It’s cute.” You shrugged, starting to slice the fruit up. “Congrats, by the way.”

“Hm?”

“Congratulations.” You peek up at him, “Congrats on being top 1… and winning the bet. I’m surprised you didn’t hunt me down.”

Jaehyun leans on the counter and watches you make delicate movements with the knife, “I figured you needed more time to think about it.”

“Yeah, I did.” You quietly admit, putting the knife down and starting to look for a plate to serve it in.

“So?”

Licking your lips, you swallowed, “Yes.”

“What’s your answer?” He asks, not understanding you had already given him an answer.

You spin in your heels and cross your arms, a little annoyed, “That was my answer. Yes.”

You curse yourself for melting at the sight of his lips quirking upwards and eventually growing into a huge grin.

“Really?”

“Do you want me to take it back?”

“No!” He puts a hand out, “I just can’t believe you said yes. Well, okay then. When do you want to start?”

You didn’t think this far ahead. “I have work Friday nights, weekend mornings, 6-12 noon, and Saturday graveyard shifts.”

He frowns, “You have work later?”

“No, someone filled in for me since I said I’d have a party to attend to.” You hesitated; should you tell him that you live with Jungwoo and work at his family’s convenience store? “I think they expected me to get drunk, but I don’t really drink.”

“What time do you end on Fridays?”

“10pm.”

Jaehyun purses his lips and you realize it’s a habit he makes when he’s thinking. “Then Mondays through Thursdays, after school. Whichever day you want. Basketball training doesn’t resume until next month.”

“Okay.” You slowly say, “Uhm… where?”

He blinks at you, “We can’t do it at your place? Don’t you dorm alone?”

“No!” You vehemently shake your head, “N-no, I’m… renting a room at… Jungwoo’s.”

“You live with him? Is that even allowed?”

“It’s a gray area. Don’t tell anyone.” You instinctively reach out and hold on his arm, giving it a soft squeeze. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.” He licks his lips, visibly having an internal debate within himself. “I guess we can do it at my place. My dad is abroad at the moment and my mom works late shifts.”

“Alright.”

Jaehyun turns around and finds two plates for the watermelon slices, arranging the fruit for you. “Great. So—”

“Wait.” You grab his wrist, “Can we keep this a secret?”

He twists his hand so he’s holding yours, “Of course. Whatever you want.” He brings your hand up to his lips and kisses it.

“This is just a,” You stare at the hand holding yours, “physical relationship, right? I mean, how long does it take for someone to learn sex.”

“Oh, baby.” He chuckles, low and slow, “You can’t learn a whole new world in a few nights. You keep learning new things every time. I’ll teach you the basics up until you have your sexual awakening.”

“And if I never have my sexual awakening?”

He leans closer, just like in the library, and his breath is just ghosting over your lips. He lets go of your hand to tip your chin upwards to him, “Then we keep trying until you do or you find someone else, but that’s a blow to my ego.”

“The next person I should be sleeping with is my boyfriend.” You inch away from him and he reluctantly pulls back from you while you pick up one of the plates, “If I ever get one.”

Jaehyun mimics you, picking up a plate and following you out of the kitchen, but stops you before you pass through the door frame. “Let’s be friends, alright? I don’t like pretending not to know someone I’ll be getting intimate with. You won’t either; I’d like to see you try to explain the sexual tension.”

“Okay.” You enunciate each syllable. “Friends, then.”

He gives you a swoon-worthy smile and you try to leave before doing so, but he stops you again. “By the way, you look really good tonight.”

You roll your eyes, the gesture making him chuckle, and continue to head into the living room, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

The rest of night plays out like how it always does when you’re at a party; you and Jungwoo are stuck by the hip, the board game club members make petty problems with each other bigger than they really are and settle it through — you guessed it — board games, non-club members were taught new board games, and it wouldn’t be a birthday party without cake — being smashed into Mark’s face.

It was a fun night. You almost forgot that you made an agreement with one of the attendees to teach you about intercourse, but you can’t deny Jaehyun had made things a lot more interesting during the evening. You caught him multiple times watching you, especially during your little victories in board games, and he’d either give you a little smile or boldly wink at you. You’re thankful no one caught you getting flustered over it, but it took you some time to calm your heartbeat.

Today was the day. You’re embarrassed about actually preparing yourself today ever since Jaehyun sent you a text the day after you exchanged numbers at Mark’s party. You woke up an hour earlier to exfoliate your body and wore the best undergarments you owned. You didn’t want to try too hard that it’ll be too obvious since you still had school.

You told Jungwoo’s mom that you’ll be home later to tutor a classmate and she didn’t find anything suspicious; you’re just hoping she’ll relay the message to your mom whenever she calls to check up on you. 

Because you didn’t want anybody in school to know you were going home with Jaehyun, you had him pick you up three blocks away from the school district.

“My mom should probably be gone by now.” Jaehyun checks the watch on his wrist briefly before returning his attention to the road, “Do you wanna eat first?”

“No, I feel like throwing up.” You confessed, holding onto the hem of your school skirt. 

“You know you can back out, right?” He shoots you a sympathetic smile, “I don’t wanna force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. I’m just nervous.”

“I’m not going to jump you the second we get inside. We’ll take it slowly — as slow as you want and need. We don’t even have to go all the way tonight.”

This makes you smile at him. For someone audacious enough to offer sex, one would assume he’d be a jerk, but he’s truly a sweetheart. It was wrong of you in the first place to think he was the stereotypical mean jock in a high school food chain.

“Oh, shit.” He curses under his breath, slowing the car down to a full stop in front of a simple two-story home.

Seeing that he lived in a house in Seoul was enough to tell you that he comes from a rich family, which you should have guessed already since he mentioned his father working abroad. It made you feel uneasy though, knowing you two are from completely different backgrounds.

“My mom’s still home.” Jaehyun checks his watch again, “It’s past 6, she’s late.”

Following his gaze, you see another car in the garage — another indicator of their wealth. 2 cars? Geez.

“The gates are open. She must have forgotten something?”

He doesn’t say anything, driving past the gate and parking it beside the other car. As you both unclipped your seatbelts, you see a door open in your peripheral vision and make eye contact with a young woman.

She looks a little frazzled, but more surprised to see you in the front seat of her son’s car. Getting out of the car, you bowed at her with a smile.

“Jaehyun, I didn’t know you were having someone over. Hello!” She waves at you.

“Hello.” You meekly reply, “I’m [Y/N].”

“What a beautiful name. Welcome! Had I known you were coming, I’d tidy things up more inside and made more dinner.” She frowns, putting a hand on her cheek, “Jaehyun, if the food isn’t enough you can always cook for her, yes? I don’t like having house guests being hungry.”

“I know, mom, I will. Aren’t you late for work?” He gripes, kicking the floor like a child.

She tuts at him, “I thought I left the oven on so I had to turn back around. Don’t worry about me. What are you two going to do?”

Her eyes are looking straight at yours and you answer in the steadiest voice, “Well, Jaehyun and I are the top two students and our teachers asked us to work together to help create reviewers for the upcoming CSAT.”

Jaehyun’s mom gasps, “Already reviewing for CSAT?”

“Well, it would take some time before we figure out the topics we need to focus on, compile everything, have it approved,” Jaehyun drawls, glancing at you, “Mom, aren’t you running late?”

She wags a finger at him, returning her attention to you. “Top 2, you say? My, then you’ve quite got a brain on you. A beautiful face and a beautiful brain; your parents must be so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” You feel your face grow warm, not used to compliments at all. “But I hope you don’t take offense to this, Mrs. Jung, but I have every intention of beating Jaehyun and claim top 1.”

This makes her laugh, “A feisty one! Well in case you do, my Jaehyunnie has his momma to comfort him.”

“Mom.” Jaehyun strains, pointedly looking at her.

“Remember this: he blushes with his ears.” She winks at you and this makes him physically usher her to her car. She waves at you, “It was nice meeting you, [Y/N]! Come by again soon! Make sure you bring her home, Jaehyun.”

“Okay, Mrs. Jung.” You wave back, stifling your giggle as Jaehyun continues to hassle her into her car, but not before she demands to kiss him on his cheek.

When she was finally coerced into leaving and left you two alone, Jaehyun lets you into the house. 

“I’m sorry about my mom.” He sighs, removing his shoes and handing you spare house slippers.

“It’s fine. I’m not as nervous as I was on the way here.” You wear the slippers he hands you and put your shoes beside his on the mat. You look around and spot some picture frames on the wall, approaching one family photo. “You’re an only child?”

He stands beside you, “Yeah. That explains why my parents and I act like best friends.”

“Aw,” You coo, moving to a baby picture, “Baby Jaehyunnie is so cute.”

“Okay,” He puts a hand on your shoulder and gently pulls you away from the wall, “That’s enough. Let’s go up to my room.”

On the way up to the second floor, you start to tense up; his arm was still around you like he was a personal escort to your deflowering. From the stairs, his room was the second door to the right. 

It was a lot cleaner than you expected, although it had trophies and certificates that proved his achievements growing up. It reminds you of the living room back at home; a shelf full of awards for spelling bees, best in subjects, and honor certificates. You remember the pride and joy in your parents’ eyes every time they put a new one up.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” Jaehyun asks, closing the door behind him.

“I’m good.” You walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge, looking everywhere but him. He had a fancy looking computer set-up in the corner of the room by another door that probably leads to his bathroom. “So… what now?”

The space on the bed beside yours dips, “Let’s get you in the mood first. Look at me.” His hand falls on your thigh; most of it still over your skirt but his fingertips touch your skin.

You look down at his hand before meeting his piercing gaze, without meaning to, you lean away from him.

His expression immediately softens, “I’m gonna remind you that you can still back out. I don’t want to force you into doing something you’re not sure about.”

“How do I get into... the mood?” 

“Remember how we kissed in the library?” Jaehyun says, “Let’s do that again. This time, I’m gonna touch your body, alright? There’s no table between us now. You can touch me, too.”

Your mouth goes dry at the memory. Ever since you went back to that area in the library, you can’t help but think about kissing him. It makes your face burn, heart rate pick up, and core clench. “Okay.”

His other hand tips your chin upward to make you face him, “You’re so cute, you know? So innocent like a little kitty.”

He kisses you all of a sudden, just pressing his lips over yours. The fingers on your chin move to tuck your hair back behind your ear just like last time and he whispers, “I haven’t stopped thinking about our kiss. If you only knew how excited I am that I get to kiss you again… kiss you and more.”

And more.

There it is again, the action your body never made before; your vagina clenching at his words. Your breath hitches as he slowly moves forward, capturing your lips once more. Just like before, he tastes like coffee and mint. The kiss is gentle and calm, almost tentative, like he’s giving you a chance to stop him. You bring your hands up to his chest and nape, threading your fingers on his soft, thick hair. And when you feel his tongue glide along your lips, you part your lips for him and everything just clicked.

The kiss grew carnal; desperate for more. His hands have moved to hold your midriff, thumbs just barely caressing the bottom of your breasts. It felt too hot — literally. You wanted to take your clothes off, but you don’t know how to feel about him seeing you naked, which was a dumb thought since you had to be naked to have sex.

“I wanted to kiss you so badly at Mark’s party.” He confesses when he pulls away to catch his breath, panting over your mouth, “If you’d have let me, I would’ve taken you upstairs and fucked you there.”

Fucked. You’ve only ever used the word to curse so hearing it from him as something he’d do to you sounds like it would hurt.

“But I want to take my time with you,” He kisses the corner of your lips, trailing down your jaw until he settles on a spot on your neck that simultaneously tickles yet you crave for more, “I’ll show you a whole new world you’ve been missing out on.”

You slide your arm around him, instinctively pulling him closer to you as he finds a new patch of skin on your neck to kiss. You couldn’t help but moan when you feel his teeth lightly biting your flesh.

“You even sound cute.” He muses, working his lips back up your face. “This is lesson number one: foreplay. It can stretch on for hours, but this helps make penetration a lot easier.”

Damn. Penetration is such an ugly word, but the way he said it made it sound hot. When a hand comes over your breast, your entire body freezes and he stops.

“Is this too fast for you?”

“N-no, I’m just not used to it.” You take a deep breath, “Please keep going.”

Jaehyun smiles, “You’re liking it so far?”

You nod, bashfully bowing your head in embarrassment. Other girls must be throwing themselves at him at this moment.

“Can you learn with your head down?” He playfully scolds, “Keep your eyes on me.”

He kisses you again, slipping his tongue into your mouth as his hand tenderly squeezes your chest. He starts to nudge you to fall back against his bed and he tugs your shirt out from being tucked into your skirt to sneak his under. His fingers leave a hot trail in their wake, burning your skin the most satisfying way, reaching for its previous purchase but hindered by the tightness of your school blouse.

He pulls away once more and you whine, chasing after his lips. With a little chuckle, he grants you a quick peck. “Can I take your clothes off or do you want to do it yourself?”

“I’ll do it.” You start to pop the buttons of your shirt when you hesitated, “Wait, what do you prefer?”

“Don’t think about it; this is about you.”

“No, this is about you teaching me about sex and among the few things I know about sex is that it’s all about making each other feel good. So this is about you, too.”

Jaehyun stares at you, considering your words and smiles to himself, “Alright. We can do it together. Unbutton my shirt for me.”

He reaches for the button beneath the last one you had unbuttoned and continues down the line, licking his lips as more of your skin is exposed. Meanwhile, you shakily began to unbutton his.

Sensing your nervousness, Jaehyun ducks his head back to your neck to kiss it. It makes you sigh, losing your grip on the button you’ve working on and when you try to blindly find it, your fingers find the smooth, hard muscle of his chest instead.

He momentarily pulls away to push your blouse off your shoulders, kissing each one before moving to your collarbones. You feel your face heat up as you completely shrug your shirt off and throw it by your feet. His face is right above your chest, kissing down your sternum and just over the swell of your breast.

He tugs on your skirt’s zipper as he does this, jerking the flimsy material off your hips once you lifted yourself up off the bed to help him. He stands up in front of you, pushing you back until you’re lying down on the bed.

“It feels like an honor to see you like this.” He finishes popping the buttons you failed to remove, shrugging the material off his upper body and leaving you to ogle his body. It’s no surprise he’d have such a good physique from all the sports he does.

“Oh, you have an outie.” You pointed out, biting back a giggle. “That’s cute.”

Jaehyun looks down with a slight pout and covers his belly button, “Is that what you’re really looking at?”

“My baby brother has one and it reminded me of him.” You shake your head, almost forgetting you’re nearly naked in front of him, “Sorry.”

He hooks one finger each on your socks and drags them down your legs until they’re completely off and joining the rest of your uniform on the floor. He climbs onto the bed and hovers over you, watching your reaction as he cups your midriff and raises it up to one of your breasts.

His hand was warm and heavy, gently kneading your breast, and focusing his thumb over your nipple. Straddling your hips, he gives your neglected breast the same treatment with his other hand. You’ve never even touched yourself like this, not even when you lather soap on your body, and it felt so good. 

“Let’s take this off of you, hm?” He reaches between your back and the mattress, unhooking your bra faster than you could have. Once he slips the straps off your arms, you instinctively cover yourself and he chuckles, “Can I see them please?”

It annoyed you that he spoke to you like a child, but you relent and drop your arms to your side, looking away from him.

“Ah, beautiful.” He murmurs, putting his hands back over each of your breasts. Without warning, he bends down and licks your nipple causing you to gasp and grab his shoulders. He doesn’t say anything, continuing to lick and suck one nipple and rub his thumb over the other until they’ve both hardened and pebbled. He switches between them for a while until he pulls back, satisfied after seeing your flustered face. “Did you like that?”

“It felt weird at first,” You admitted, “But I liked it.”

“That’s good.” He kisses your forehead and moves so he was practically lying beside you, “So you like having your boobs played with.”

You don’t know how to respond to that, but you don’t have to because he kisses you again. A little more confident, you tried to slip your tongue into his mouth and you’re met with a happy, surprised hum. He lets you take over this kiss, welcoming your tongue.

“You’re getting good at kissing.” He comments as soon as you two break for breath of air.

“It’s addicting.”

“You’re addicting.” Jaehyun counters, pressing his lips on your jaw. “So sweet.”

His hand soothingly rubs your side; up and down in a lazy manner while locking lips with you again. He then brings his hand between your legs, making you flinch and gasp into his mouth. Instead of asking if it was okay first, he decides to continue his action, moving three fingers over your panties.

You want to shut your legs close, but his thigh is holding one of them down. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks when you cover his hand with your own.

“N-no, not really.” You hide your face in the crook of his neck as you press his hand over your clothed mound. “Keep going.”

“Do you like this more than playing with your boobs?”

“I think so.”

Jaehyun stops to slip his hand into your panties and you choke down a moan. “You can be as loud as you want. Let me hear you so I know you feel good.”

His fingers slide along your labia, petting you like a kitten. You’ve never even masturbated before yet here you are having someone else’s fingers touch and please you.

“Ah, there it is.” He chuckles into your ear, making you look up at him, “You’re getting wet.”

“Don’t tell me that!” You scold, shying away from him, but he quickly maneuvers his body so he’s back on top of you.

He starts to push a single finger inside of you, observing the way your mouth drops open at the new sensation. You’re wrapping quite nicely around his finger, sucking the digit in bit by bit the more you clenched your walls. When he starts to move it in and out of you, you whimper, holding him by his shoulders again.

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head. It didn’t hurt, but it just felt too odd and new for you to like it just yet. 

Jaehyun continues his action a little longer until you start getting used to it, even when he adds another finger. This was your first taste of pure, unadulterated sexual pleasure. It was just as addicting as kissing him and the longer he does it the more your toes curl.

You let out a loud moan, a sound neither of you expected. Fueled by your moan, Jaehyun pumps his fingers into you faster. A hybrid of moan and cry falls from your lips as a surge of pleasure pulsates through your veins. You shut your eyes and hold onto his bulging arm for support, curling your upper body towards him. You could hear the wet squelch as he fingered you.

There was something tightening in the pit of your stomach and you can’t decipher if it was good or not, but when Jaehyun removes his hand from your underwear and the feeling disappears, you want to cry.

“Why’d you stop?” You whine, pulling his hand back.

“I don’t want you to come yet. I don’t think it’s best for you to be too sensitive on your first time.” He kisses your forehead before sitting up to put the two fingers he had in you into his mouth. He moans a little, “Sweet.”

He starts to take your underwear off, rolling it off your hips down to your ankles. He chuckles at your attempt to squeeze your thighs together and hide your pussy from him.

“D-do you have a condom?” You stutter, trying to stall him.

“I do. I always have one.” He nods at the drawer by his bed. “But I wasn’t going to do that yet.”

He massages your thighs, silently coaxing you to open your legs for him. Still covering yourself, you obediently part your legs and he makes himself comfortable between them with his face right by your core.

“This is my favorite kind of foreplay. If you don’t mind, I’d like to show it to you.” He kisses your knuckles, “There’s nothing to be shy about, [Y/N].”

You let him pry your fingers off your, watching his eyes light up once they lay their sights on your pussy as if they had discovered gold. With two fingers, he spreads your labia apart and you hold your breath as he veers forward to latch his mouth onto you. You gasp, bucking your hip upward at the sensation of something wet and warm against such a private part.

You could feel his tongue slithering and teeth teasingly nibbling at your lower lips. Again, it felt so foreign and unusual, but so, so, so good. You moaned out his name and he groaned in response, the vibration adding fire to the burning pleasure he’s building up in you.

Like last time, when you start to feel that knot in your stomach, Jaehyun pulls away and you whimper in frustration.

He stands up to walk over to the drawer, fetching the condom you requested for and returns to the foot of the bed. “Scoot up a little.”

After doing so, you watch as he unzips his pants, letting it fall to the floor with his boxers.

“That’s not gonna fit.” You immediately fold your legs close and sit up. Are penises supposed to be this big? It’s entire length is pink and veiny, while the tip was a bit more red. It bobbed up and down as he clambered onto the bed, pointing at you as if it knew you were its prey. Gulping, you repeat, “That’s not gonna fit. I can’t do this.”

“It will. You’ll stretch around it. Give me your hand.” He kneels in front of you, knees apart.

You give your hand to him and he brings it around his cock. It was a lot warmer than his hand. You wrap your fingers around it a tad tighter and he moans, biting his lip. Meekly, you ask, “Do you like that?”

“Sorta. Here.” He moves your hand over his length, all the way to the tip and back to the base. “I like it better this way.”

“Like this?” You followed what he showed you, twisting your wrist a bit.

“Yes, fuck, like that.” Jaehyun closes his eyes, letting you take over. “Just like that.”

With his eyes closed, you feel a little more comfortable studying his body up close. He has such pretty skin, fair and flawless. His muscles were beautifully defined, rippling with every movement, especially the muscles on his abdomen as they flexed with each sharp breath he takes. Your attention is brought to cock in your hand after feeling it twitch a couple of times. The tip started to glisten under the lights of his room. You watched in amazement as a small, translucent white substance emerges from the tiny opening on the top, something akin to a pearl, and it dribbles down to your fingers.

He had your mouth on your genitals and you liked it. Will he like it if you do the same? 

You bend forward to taste the thick liquid on the tip of his cock. It was incredibly salty and just as hot as his length as you continued to work your fist around him. Wanting to taste more of him, you bring your lips over his tip.

“What the fuck?!” He exclaims, hands flying to your shoulders, and you immediately pull away.

“I’m sorry.” You retract your hand away from his body.

“No! No, you just caught me off guard.” Jaehyun takes hold of your hands and smirks, “I didn’t expect you to blow me.”

You look away, flustered at his expression, “I was curious.”

“It’s okay. God, you’re so cute.” He cups your cheeks and kisses you, “I’ll teach you some other day, okay? I don’t think I’ll last a second if you use your pretty little mouth on me.”

“O-okay.”

“Now watch, this is how you put a condom on.” He takes the foil square and rips it open. He shows you the condom, pushing the center out a bit to pinch the end, and places the rubber ring on the tip of his cock. He rolls it down about a quarter way until he stops and grabs your hand, “Finish putting it on for me.”

Without another word, you obey him, pushing the ring down until his cock is completely sheathed with minor difficulty.

“Lie down.”

Once again, you silently obey him, maintaining eye contact with him. He adjusts your position in front of him by grabbing your hips and parting your legs to kneel between them. He runs his hands over your thighs, “Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

“I need you to be sure.” He leans down to kiss your belly. “I’m not going to continue if you’re not a hundred percent sure.”

“I am.” You nod, “I’m sure.”

He kisses up to your neck, licking the expanse of skin. “This is going to hurt, okay? You just have to relax. The more you tense up, the more it’ll be difficult for both of us, and the more it’ll hurt for you. Just relax.”

“Okay.”

Jaehyun kisses your lips, flicking his tongue into your mouth for a brief moment. He tasted a little different now. Was it from him giving you oral? Were you tasting yourself on him?

“If the pain is too much, just tell me and I’ll stop.” He sits back up, holding his cock in his hand and positioning it right in front of your entrance. He waits for a while, moving a fist over his length as he studies your face. “I’ll ask you once more, [Y/N]. Do you really want to do this? Not because of the bet, but because you really want to?”

“Yes. I do.” You answer in a firm voice. When you give him a little nod, he runs the tip of his cock over your entrance a few times until he pushes into you.

It definitely hurt. It was like you were trying to put something where it didn’t belong. Although it was bearable, your body’s instinct was to stop it.

“Fuck, [Y/N], baby, please relax, you’re squeezing me.” He grips your thighs with a sense of urgency, “Relax, baby.”

You’re breathing heavily, trying to do as he says. You look down between your bodies and you feel your eyes well up with tears when you see he’s barely halfway in. You don’t know how but you try to accommodate his girth. 

When he’s pushed the remaining inches inside you, you choke down a sob. It hurt a lot. You feel stretched out and full; unable to open your eyes as you absorb the pain. But underneath it all, you can’t deny that it felt good in a way.

“Are you okay? Shit,” He starts to pull out and you yelp.

“No! No! Don’t move. Please don’t move. Just,” You hold onto his shoulders, sniffing, “Let me get used to it. You’re… big.”

Jaehyun chuckles, “At least it fits.”

“Barely.” You retort. As you blink, the tears drip from the corner of your eyes. They left a cool trail over your burning face. He kisses each one, lapping the tears up with his tongue.

“Tell me when it’s okay to move, alright? Just don’t… squeeze me too hard or else I’ll come before I get to make you come.” He sees you pout as you move your head to acknowledge him and he can’t help himself but kiss you again.

It helps distract you from the subsiding pain. You try to think of other things as well. Is he always this sweet to the other girls he sleeps with? You hope your first boyfriend would be like him.

A surprised moan escapes you after you try to pull him closer to you and your hips move against his. For a moment, you even forgot he was inside you. He has a wide grin on his face, clearly pleased at hearing this. With a hold on your hips, he slowly pulls out of you and just before the tip is out, he pushes back in. He observes your reaction, slowly gaining speed as your mouth loses its ability to close and is perpetually agape, letting a string of whimpers and mewls escape you.

“Lesson 2 is all about positions, baby.” Jaehyun starts, falling forward and uses one arm to hold himself up above you, “This is the most basic one: missionary. Guy on top.”

You can’t even process his words, mind clouded with lust as your body experiences something it never has before. It felt good… amazing — you couldn’t even explain it.

“How are you feeling, [Y/N]?”

“So,” You gasped, “Good.”

“Yeah?” He moves the hand on your hip up to your chest, giving one of them a hard squeeze. “You feel really good; nice and tight.”

He gives a particularly hard thrust and you gasped, holding onto his shoulders for purchase. “I’m going to go a little faster. Tell me if it’s too much and I’ll slow down.”

Right as he said it, his thrusts grew faster and faster. His movements shook the bed, the headboard bumping into the wall. Your body was burning hot, like he was pumping lava right inside your body, filling you up until you’re melting in his hold. 

“Jaehyun.” You moan, arching your back off the mattress. You don’t even know why you’re calling out to him. You just want to chant his name, so you did.

“God, I wish you could see yourself, baby. You’re taking me so well for your first time. Does it still hurt?”

“No.” You mewl, “I feel really good.”

“You’re so pure, [Y/N]. Fucking precious. Now look at you, enjoying your first time at sex. Think of all the other things I can teach you; things that’ll corrupt your innocent little mind.”

You whimper at his words. He sounds like he’s degrading you but why does it sound so hot? You voluntarily clench around him and earn a guttural moan from him.

“And you’re fucking enjoying it, aren’t you?” Jaehyun brings a hand down between you and massages your clit. “Like a fallen angel.”

There it was again; that tightening feeling in the pit of your stomach. You were afraid he’ll notice like the last two times and he’ll stop, but he doesn’t. His hips start to move frantically, gyrating against yours as he enters you deeper.

“Jaehyun.” You cry, “Wait—”

“It’s okay, baby, just let it go.” He hushes you, “I’m going to give you your very first orgasm.”

The fingers on your clit rubbed faster and you try to stop him, “Oh god—”

You feel like your bladder is full and you explode, convulsing beneath his body as his thrusts slowed to a stop. He kisses you, sloppily on the mouth, drowning out all your moans. You feel lightheaded, head spinning as you catch your breath after he moves his lips to your cheek.

“I—” You wheeze, “Wow.”

Jaehyun laughs, pecking your cheeks repeatedly. “Cute.”

His cock is still inside you, hard and throbbing. He sits up and carefully pulls out of you until his cock is freed and bobbing up to hit his abdomen. The sheer latex is shining with your essence. It hits you late, but you’re not a virgin anymore. You didn’t feel any different — well, you felt like you were on cloud nine — but you didn’t feel like anything changed.

You watch Jaehyun as he takes the condom off, tossing it to the floor and begins to touch himself. “What are you doing?”

“Just finishing myself off. You can rest up a bit and we can have dinner.”

“Can’t I help you? Why didn’t you come in me?” You sit up, although your body feels heavy.

“You can help me just by spreading your legs and giving me a nice view of your pussy.” Jaehyun kisses you, “Besides, you’re sensitive after coming. I wouldn’t want to overstimulate you on your first time.”

“I’m not sensitive.”

He raises a brow at you, pushing you back on the bed and ducking his head between your legs. He blows a soft puff of air on your vagina and you flinch, automatically trapping his head between your thighs as you try to close them.

“See? Be a good girl and listen to your teacher.” He teases, turning his attention back to your core.

“Then…” You lick your lips, “How about teaching me how to give a blowjob now?”

Jaehyun looks stunned, “I’m starting to think you’re not a virgin from the get-go…”

“Hey,” You frowned, “Why would I lie about that? I just like to learn.”

“Then you probably have a nympho asleep in you.” He crawls beside you, sitting against his headboard and motions for you to go between his legs.

Once you situate yourself between his legs, you take his dick into your hand and form a fist around it. He’s a lot wetter now, sticky from all the precum that accumulated. “Would it be a good thing if we wake her up?”

“Maybe.” He pets your head while you find a position you’re comfortable in, settling to lie flat on your stomach with his angry, leaking cock just by your face. “I’d love to see her.”

You kiss the tip, tasting the salty substance on your lips. You look up at him as you hesitantly licked him, collecting more of the precum on your tongue. He nods, chewing at his bottom lip. Glancing down at his cock, you lick a strip from the base of his length up until the tip. You do it a few more times until you wrap your lips around the head and gently suck.

“Fuck.” He grips your hair, the action stinging your scalp, “Don’t focus on the tip just yet. Try to take my entire cock in your mouth.”

“The entire thing?” You repeat, “Are you aware how thick this is?”

“Then take as much as you can. I’ve never been deepthroated before.” He sounds a little proud as he tells you this. He adjusts his grip on your hair, combing most of it to hold it back like a ponytail.

“Deepthroat? You mean shoving this thing all the way into the back of my throat? That sounds like torture.”

“I’m not telling you to do it. I’m just saying I’ve never had anyone put my entire cock into their mouth without gagging so badly.” He shrugs, “This is what you do: put as much as you can in your pretty little mouth and hold onto the rest, squeeze me a little, maybe twist your hand a bit. Just don’t bite me.”

You follow his instructions, getting probably a little more than a half of his length into your mouth.

“Now suck.” When he feels your lips wrapping snuggly around him, he pulls your head away from his cock and pushes you back down. “Again.”

You treated him like a salty push-pop, bobbing your head as you continue to suck him. His grip loosens on your hair once you get the hang of it and don’t need his guidance. Although you still look up at him through your lashes to make sure you’re doing okay and from the way his dick twitches in your mouth, he definitely likes it.

Curiosity and greed gets the better of you; is deepthroating him that big of a challenge? You push yourself down on him until your lips are at the base. Both your mouth and throat are squeezing down on him as you still attempt to suck his cock.

“Oh my god.” Jaehyun groans, throwing his head back and re-tightening his grip on your hair. “Fuck, [Y/N].”

You like how he moans your name and you want to hear more of it. Flattening your tongue on the underside of his dick, you dragged your mouth up just before releasing the tip and plunged his length back to your throat.

There was a frustrated grunt from him as he holds your head in place and starts to thrust into your mouth. It was a lot harder to control your gag reflex like this, but you stayed put and let him do as he pleases; it’s getting you excited, too. Tears spring to your eyes as you start to choke, losing your breathing pattern for a moment when his movement became sporadic.

“Oh, fuck.” He stills, plugging your entire mouth with his cock and making it a little hard to breathe. Warmth drips down your throat and once his grip loosens, you pull away. His cock is still twitching, still shooting out the thick liquid in your mouth.

And quite frankly, you hate it.

Out of courtesy, you wait until he’s done, falling slack against his headboard. As he catches his breath, he gives you a sleazy smile, reaching out to you but you bolt away from him.

“[Y/N]?” He worriedly calls out after you as you run into his ensuite bathroom.

Hurriedly, you switch the lights on and knelt down in front of the toilet to spit his load. You’ve never tasted something that foul in your life. It was like you tried to swallow salty battery acid — and you don’t even know what battery acid tastes like.

You feel fingers in your hair as Jaehyun helps you hold your hair back when you end up gagging yourself and emptying the contents of your stomach.

“I don’t want to do that again.” You wheeze, wiping the back of your hand over your mouth before flushing the toilet.

“That’s too bad, but for the record, I didn’t tell you to deepthroat me.” He helps you up and gestures you to the sink.

“I didn’t mean the deepthroating part,” You open the faucet and begin to wash out your mouth of the acidity left over, “I meant swallowing. Do other girls swallow your cum and not complain?”

He looks slightly offended, “Most do, some don’t…”

You pat your lips dry with tissue paper and throw it in the bin, “Then they’re either lying about wanting to swallow or your cum burned their taste buds off.”

Jaehyun huffs, “It can’t be that bad.”

“Then see for yourself.” You’re about to step forward when you feel something drip down between your thighs. The same translucent substance is dribbling down your length and you quickly clean it off with tissue paper.

“Are you hurting though?”

You glance back and you become hyper-aware that you’re still both very naked, and despite being intimate with each other just a few minutes ago, you become shy around him.

He’s quick to take notice of your sudden change in demeanor, trapping your body against the sink. He kisses your shoulder, “We just had sex, what are you getting shy for?”

“I don’t know.” You look at him through the reflection. Is this what it feels like having a boyfriend? You avoid his gaze just before he meets it through the mirror; you shouldn’t have those thoughts while you’re with him.

“Well, that’s our lesson for today. Unless you want to review.” He chuckles, cupping your boobs and kneading them with his palms.

You tear his hands away and laugh, “It’s a school night.”

“Oh, so if it wasn’t, you’d be down to go another round?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I thought you would have already figured out that I like to review things I’ve learned. Repeatedly. Even though I’ve understood the lesson already.”

“Fuck, [Y/N], don’t say things like that. I’ll get hard again.” He tuts, pinching your ass.

You yelp, giggling as you dodge another pinch from him. 

“Let’s get dressed and let me feed you before I take you home.” Jaehyun hums with a small smile, cupping your cheeks and kissing your lips.

Your heart flutters; a different kind of warmth floods your senses. It feels like all the holidays you get to go back to your family, greeting your siblings with bear hugs, and scarfing down all the meals your mother made from scratch. You move away from him, blinking your eyes and looking mortified at your realization.

Jaehyun mirrors your expression, pupils shaking as awkward silence surrounds you.

“Uhm,” He clears his throat, “I…”

“Can I,” You say at the same time with him, “use the bathroom?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll— I’ll, uh, go down to the kitchen and dinner— prep dinner — prepare dinner.” He leaves you in the bathroom and closes the door for you.

You immediately wash your face to cool it down. What the hell was that? It couldn’t be what you thought it was. It should be the last thing on your mind after having sex with him. Falling in love with Jaehyun is out of the question; you want a storybook kind of romance — meet him in a bookstore type of situation. Not making a bet in the library that involves losing your virginity.

You switch the tap off and go out to put your clothes on. You stare at the mattress, the one you just lost your innocence on, and somehow remember Jaehyun’s face after the last kiss. It looks like he didn’t want to be in that kind of relationship with you either. You’re just another girl that he sleeps with and he’s just someone teaching you the ropes of it all. That’s all there is here.

“Wanna take a break?”

You gasp out loud, dragging the tip of the neon green highlighter upwards onto words that didn’t need it. You stare at the jagged line in shock before sending a piercing glare to the reason behind it.

Jaehyun sheepishly apologizes, sitting down on the chair to yours.

“Why aren’t you studying for CSAT?” You cap your highlighter and close your review material.

It’s been a couple months now and Jaehyun still had plenty of things to teach you in terms of sex, but ever since his basketball training started, your meetings turned into something just a twice or thrice a month rather than the usual once every week. 

He’d taught you a handful of positions — that you all liked — and learned how to have sex in different places like under the bleachers and at the back of his car. Like in the very secluded corner of the library you two were in right now. He had you bent over the table once and from the looks of it, he wanted to do it a second time.

“I’m done for the day. You should take a break, too, you know.” He moves your materials away from you, “You’re top 2 in school. You don’t need to study that hard for CSAT.”

“Is there something else you want me to study?” Flirting with him got a lot easier, although you still get flustered from time to time, you’re still able to hold a flirty banter with him.

He taps your nose, “Smart girl. What are all the lessons I’ve taught you so far?”

“Foreplay. Positions. Masturbation,” You whisper; the library was full today since everyone was reviewing for the test this weekend. A few weeks back, he gave you “homework” to masturbate while thinking about him but with barely any privacy in your place and feeling awkward to even touch yourself, you failed the very first homework of your entire life. He made you sit between his legs and watch porn, guiding your hands in your panties. Shrugging, you finish answering, “And places. Is there still something you have yet to teach me?”

“Kinks.” Jaehyun slowly drags the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip, staring at your lips.

“Like… fetishes?” You glance at the opening of your secluded area, “You have fetishes?”

“A good number of them.” He hums, “But forget about me. We’re going to see if you have any kinks.”

“Well,” You feel embarrassed to say this out loud, but you’ve actually researched these things already. You wanted to surprise Jaehyun with something, but you never knew when to since he’s always in command of how things go, “I’ve read a couple of things.”

He grins at you, “Oh? Advance reading?”

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. So?”

“Your hands.”

“My hands?” He lifts one up in front of his face, “What about them?”

You get distracted just by seeing them, “Uhm, I like it when you touch me with them.”

There’s a growing smirk on his lips, “Touch you where?”

“Anywhere.” You watch as he holds his hand out to you and cup your cheek, “Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” He repeats, moving his hand down to your neck and wraps it around your throat. “Even here?”

You gasp, your own hands flying to grab his wrist, “Jaehyun.”

“I’m not going to actually hurt you. Choking can be hot; it can increase pleasure during sex.” His gaze flickers down to where he held you, “It brings out this innocent little look on your face that I love.”

You scoff, “I’ve learned that you have a corruption kink.”

“And you’re to blame. God, it’s been months of fucking you but you’re still so innocent.” Jaehyun brings his hand down to your thigh, “Like a tainted angel.”

“I’m hardly an angel now.”

“Oh? Then spread your legs right now.”

You blink at him, “Now? But—”

“See? You’re hesitating.”

“I’m not doing this with you here, not when there are clearly more people in the library compared to the last time.”

He frowns, almost pouting, crossing his arms in front of him like a child put on timeout. He glances around and swiftly moves his chair beside yours. 

You warily watch him, confused at his actions until he brings his hand back to your thigh. “What are you doing?”

“No one’s gonna see and if you keep quiet, they’ll never know.” He inches his fingers under your skirt, close to touching your mound but you stop him.

You can’t deny that doing something risky like this in public — in school — gets you excited, although at the end of the day, you had to keep your dignity. You’re glad he’s kept his mouth shut about this arrangement as well, but it was rather odd that his friends don’t wonder where he goes off to when he goes to you.

“You’re already so wet, baby.” His fingers drew lines over your panties that were undeniably wet the moment he came up. It was a natural reaction for your body to want him just by looking at him at this point, craving to be touched like you are now.

Baby. He calls you this so fondly. Of course, it was only during times like these when he does so, but it makes your insides gooey and your heart flutter.

You exhaled slowly, eyes wide and staring at him. He merely smirks, thinking it was from his fingers slipping past your panties. This was the worst possible scenario; being fingered in public while you were reviewing for the CSAT — the test you cared about passing the most — by a boy out of your league and realizing you’re falling for him.

You’ve done so well for the past months to foster such feelings for him. Why now? Why now while you’re in the middle of messing around with him? While you were studying for the single most important test of your entire student life?

He flexes a finger inside of you and you flinch, grabbing his arm and biting down your lip.

“You like that, huh?” He teases, kissing your ear.

It’s not the only thing I like, you scream in your thoughts.

It doesn’t take long for you to come, shaking in his hold as he softly sucks on a patch of skin under your ear. He even fixes your panties for you before pulling his hand away and licking his fingers clean of your essence.

He notices how you’re still distraught, blown out eyes staring up at him and heaving slowly, and asks if you’re okay.

You manage to nod at him, waving his concern off and adjust yourself in your seat.

Jaehyun stands up and puts the chair back in its proper position, “I’ll go now. Good luck this weekend.”

“You, too.” You mutter, watching him leave and your heart drops. You’re not stupid. You know he’s only using you for sex and it wasn’t something you minded because you were benefiting from it too. He doesn’t see being in an actual romantic relationship with you, and you can’t blame him for it. You’ve made it very clear that school is your priority.

The only thing left to do is either tell him about your feelings and face the consequences, bottle it up and will them away, or end things with him and maybe these emotions will leave with him. After CSAT, you promise yourself, you’ll make a decision after this weekend. 

“Am I in trouble?” You quietly ask, looking between the principal, Mr. Jang, and the guidance counselor, Ms. Kwon.

Ms. Kwon had run after you as you finished your CSAT, on your way to the front gate to meet up with Jungwoo, and she escorted you to the principal’s office. She’d been of tremendous help for you when you applied for scholarships. Your first thought was someone had caught you and Jaehyun somewhere in school and reported it, but didn’t think that was the case since he wasn’t in the office with you.

“Heavens, no. I would like to personally tell you and congratulate you about your scholarship in SNU.” Mr. Jang reminds you of a typical, jolly grandfather, had silver, combed-over hair, and wore suspenders everyday.

“S-scholarship?” You repeat, thinking you misheard him, “I-I thought… scholarship announcements aren’t made until the end of the school year.”

He grins at you, handing a large white envelope with the university insignia on it, “Yes, but they saw your outstanding school records and gave you approval right away. Congratulations, Ms. [L/N], your application for a full scholarship to SNU has been approved. You’re the first student in my 30 years working here to get one.”

Your mouth is perpetually agape, accepting the envelope and opening it right away. Your eyes scanned through the letter inside a couple times until it finally hit you: you’re going to SNU. “I… but…?”

“Of course, they still have to wait for the results of the CSAT, but it should be no problem for you, given your previous records. And between us three,” He leans forward on his desk, “You should start drafting your graduation speech.”

“My… graduation speech?” You pause, “You mean I’m valedictorian?”

“If you maintain your class standing and stay out of any trouble until finals, then congratulations again Ms. [L/N], you’re this year’s class valedictorian.”

“But… Jung Jaehyun—”

Mr. Jang sighs, “Ah, yes, Mr. Jung. His grades are remarkable, yes, but he has a couple of misdemeanors on his file to even qualify for salutatorian. It’s a shame. Are you friends with Mr. Jung?”

You open your mouth to answer, but you realize you don’t know what the answer is. You’re not exactly going to tell the school principal the exact premise of your relationship. But are you two even friends? “Uhm, we know of each other?”

“Hm, well I would avoid befriending Mr. Jung if I were you, Ms. [L/N]. I’m sure he’s a wonderful person, but he could still be a bad influence on you.”

Your stomach drops as you consider Mr. Jang’s words, nodding to them even though you were still processing it. Was he being a bad influence on you? 

As you leave the principal’s office, it finally hits you: you’re going to SNU. You’re going to your dream school with a full scholarship and there’s a high chance you’ll graduate as valedictorian. The slow, steady footsteps you took since stepping out of the office broke into a sprint as you ran towards the school gate to meet Jungwoo and tell him the good news. 

As you turn around the corner that led to the lockers, you almost collide into Jaehyun, who was just as surprised to see someone hurtling towards him.

“[Y/N]? Why are you crying?” He closes his locker and steps closer to you, concern etched on his face.

“Crying?” You touch your cheeks, feeling the damp streaks and laughing at it, “Oh. I didn’t know I was crying.”

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m— I’m just— Jaehyun, my application for a full scholarship to SNU has been accepted. I just need to score high on CSAT—”

“Then you’re definitely in! [Y/N]! Congrats!” He opens his arms to you and by instinct, you just jump into them and let him engulf you into a giant hug. “That’s amazing! You did it, [Y/N].”

“Thank you.” Your voice was muffled from having your face pressed up into his chest. You pull away first, “I can’t believe it.”

He offers you a small smile, “You’ve worked so hard for it. You deserve it. I’m really happy for you.”

A phone chimes just as you were about to thank him once more. You check yours and find an impatient, yet worried text from Jungwoo, who you had completely forgotten about. “I, uh, need to go.”

“Hey, wait.” Jaehyun stops you just as you were about to side step him, “We should celebrate this. There’s a party at Cha Eunwoo’s house tonight. You should come.”

“It’s a Saturday. I have work tonight, remember?”

He looks disappointed, “You’re going to work after taking the most draining exam in our lives?”

You shrug, apologetically, “I need the money. Big crowds aren’t my thing either.”

“Then how about just the two of us? Tomorrow night. I’ll drive you somewhere out of town and we’ll get drive thru.”

Your heart races in excitement at the prospect, but you catch yourself. That sounds like a date although you knew it would end up with the two of you doing it at the back of his car. Nonetheless, you agree to the arrangement and wave at him before leaving.

“But Auntie,” You stand up to take the dishes from her, but she swats your hands away, “I don’t mind working tonight.”

“[Y/N]! You and Jungwoo can have the weekend off! You two have worked so hard. And to think you got the scholarship for SNU!” She tuts, sashaying to the sink, “If I could afford it, you can have the entire week off with paid leave!”

“She’s our valedictorian, too!” Jungwoo pipes up, doing a little shimmy after taking a bite of the cake his parents got the both of you for finishing the exam.

“All the more reason for you not to work.” She pinches your cheek. “Isn’t there a party or two being thrown by your schoolmates? There’s bound to be one, right? There were about 8 during my time. You two should go to one.”

Jungwoo brings his empty plate to the sink and exclaims, “Oh, yeah! Eunwoo invited me to his party. Do you wanna go?”

You stare at him, “Cha Eunwoo? You know him?”

“We were classmates last year. We’re not close, but he’s really nice and friendly.” He claps his hands, “Oh, let’s go, [Y/N]!”

A part of you only agreed because you wanted to see Jaehyun. It would be hard to interact with him since your real relationship with him was still a secret, but you still wanted to see how he’d react to see you there. Perhaps that’s the reason behind the extra effort of getting ready; putting on that same dress you wore to Mark’s party, patting the lightest blush on your cheeks and a soft red tint on the inner parts of your lips, and spritzing perfume on your hair. 

“Wow, all this for Jaehyun?” Jungwoo teased, simply changing out of his house clothes into a pair of blue jeans and a raglan shirt. 

“Shut up.” You snap, “Wait, is it too much?”

“No.” He shrugs, “I just noticed because I’m not used to it. I bet he’ll appreciate it though. Are you ready?”

After another look in the mirror, you let Jungwoo lead the way to Eunwoo’s house. It was only a short bus ride there and it was the richer side of town, a few streets away from Jaehyun’s. You’ve never met him and you’re pretty sure you’ve never interacted with him either. You just know that he’s one of Jaehyun’s close friends, also part of the basketball team, and just as popular with the girls from school.

It takes no less than half an hour for the two of you to arrive, spotting the other teens walking up to the huge house that had strobe lights and muffled music blasting inside.

“I can tell I’m not gonna like it inside.” You warily watch a rowdy group of boys cheer each other on as a ssireum contest begins in the empty, open garage. “We don’t have to stay long, right?”

“Let’s have a few drinks and leave.” Jungwoo walks up to the house and you follow closely behind him.

Not all the faces were even familiar to you, maybe they’re from other schools. The music gets progressively louder as you walk up to the open door and you can pick out a few voices trying to talk over the bass. Past the door, Jungwoo greets a few people and you offer them all a small smile. They all seem surprised to see you here, obviously knowing this isn’t your kind of scene. Jungwoo holds a conversation with them and you look around some more.

There were people drinking out of red cups, bouncing on the balls of their feet to the fast tempo song, some were brave enough to make out against walls, and others were just blatantly humping each other in lieu of dancing. You make eye contact with a girl who you recognize as Kim Minkyung, twin sister of Kim Mingyu, who was also another close friend of Jaehyun’s. She was notoriously aloof and introverted compared to her social butterfly of a brother. 

Minkyung stares at you, eyes just squinting slightly as if to discern if it was really you she was seeing, and you feel both confused and nervous by it. Is it really that weird that you’re at a party? You break eye contact with her to tell Jungwoo you’re heading to the kitchen to grab drinks for the two of you.

It was a big house, bigger than Jaehyun’s, but you think you can guess where the kitchen was from the number of people leaving the room with a drink in hand. You managed to catch Minkyung’s gaze again and her expression this time looked… worried? You ignore it and step into the white room. There were food and drinks lined up on the kitchen island and counters, a large stack of red cups beside a keg. As you approached it to get beer for Jungwoo, a roar of laughter erupts in the next room over. Being naturally curious, you walked over to the opening and peered through other curious people’s shoulders to see what the commotion was about.

It looked like the dining room with a large wooden table in the middle that had been turned into a beer pong arena. You see Kim Mingyu taking a shot beside the house owner, Cha Eunwoo, over to the other side and huffs as he misses his shot. Looking over at their opponent, your chest constricts. It was the soccer team’s MVP, Nakamoto Yuta, who was also your acquaintance as he liked to crash the board games club from time to time to bother Mark, and his partner for the math, the only boy you wanted to see in this party.

Jaehyun had his signature black outfit on; you’ve spied the contents of his closet once and reeled at the sight of it being 80 percent black, 15 percent white, and just a handful of miscellaneous colored clothing articles. His hair was pushed back to prevent the fringes getting into his eyes. But that’s not what you’re focused on, that’s not what made your heart crack. With one hand, he held a ping pong ball, waiting for his turn, while the other held another girl’s hand.

Areum. You think that’s her name. That’s right, Cho Areum. She’s the embodiment of her name; beautiful and stunning from head to toe. Funnily enough, she’s part of the cheer squad. Classic, you think, a cheerleader and a basketball player. A cliche, but perfect pair.

It’s finally Jaehyun’s turn and he gets the ping pong ball right into the farthest cup, and his team rejoices. He gladly turns his head to Areum and your heart falls to the floor, shattering in tiny pieces as your ears ring. You’ve never felt jealous in your entire life, you just weren’t raised that way. You’ve lived your life with people who have so much more than you, but you never wished you were in their shoes until you see Areum. She’s pretty, she’s tall, she’s also top 20, meaning she’s smart, too. She also gets to kiss Jaehyun in public, while you’re just the girl he keeps a secret.

But now you’re just confused. Was he cheating on her with you? And if he was, why would he cheat on her for you? 

Your thoughts are interrupted when a hand is placed on your shoulder and you turn to find Minkyung, looking distastefully at the same scene you were witnessing.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She finally turns to you, voice soft and almost sympathetic. “They’re going to make fun of you if they see you, especially with your eyes looking wet. Come on.”

You blink and you realize what she was talking about as your vision blurred. You nod and she leads you away from the party, out to the backyard where there were less people and considerably darker. You sit by each other on a lounge chair and stare at the pool.

“I don’t…” You pause, not knowing what to ask.

“My brother and his friends aren’t nice people.” Minkyung states, looking past the pool and into the window that showed the living room. “They spend a lot of time after school at our house so I know about the things they talk about… all the shit they do.”

“Okay…” You don’t know where she’s going with this but your gut tells you it’s not going to be good.

“At the start of the year, the basketball team was at our house and they were drinking. And I don’t know how it came to be but someone suggested to make a checklist for all the girls they should fuck. From every clique like a girl's sports team to distinguished individuals… like the class valedictorian.” She glances at you, apologetically, as if it was her fault or to apologize on her brother’s behalf. “But I guess yours was a different case.”

“I’m… wait, I don’t understand—”

“Everyone agreed that it would be hard to sleep with you. No one knew you well enough until someone pointed out that you and Jaehyun were always volleying the top 1 spot between each other every semester. But even he didn’t think he could do it, so his friends did the only thing that would make him agree to trying to sleep with you. They made a bet and riled him up because everyone knows how competitive Jung Jaehyun is.”

You let her words sink in, “So he made a bet with me to be top 1 and offer to teach me sex so he could win an entirely different bet.”

“Wait a minute—” Minkyung grabs your wrist, “He said he’d teach you sex? Oh my god, that’s just fucking gold.”

She bolts up to her feet and scornfully laughs, pacing in front of you.

“What?”

“Let me guess,” She spins back to face you, “He’ll teach you lesson by lesson because you can’t learn a whole new world in a couple nights? That lesson 1 is foreplay, 2 is positions, and so on?”

“H-how did you know that?”

“Because he said the same things to me 3 years ago. Jung Jaehyun took my virginity from under the guise that he liked me, too. And guess what? When shit went down, he turned my own brother against me. He turned the person I shared a womb with against me and branded me a slut. Don’t you ever wonder why I don’t run in the same circle as my twin? Mingyu used to be so protective of me; I was off limits to his friends until Jaehyun happened. He joins his friends branding me a slut. Jung Jaehyun ruined my life and he’s going to ruin yours.” Minkyung grabs your shoulders and squeezes them, “Walk away from him now, [Y/N]. Please, I know we’re not friends but I’m telling you the truth. You saw him with your own eyes; was it you he was kissing in there? Because here’s the cold, hard truth, [Y/N]: Jaehyun owns each and everyone of us, but we can never own him for ourselves.”

You expel a harsh breath, unaware you had been holding your breath. You stare into her eyes and it’s glistening under the underwater pool lights. You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of the doubt, but you could sense how genuine and concerned Minkyung is.

“Okay.” You mumble, licking your lips. You’re better off without him anyways. Aside from sex, what else has he given you? You stand up and accept the hug Minkyung offers as she holds out her arms for you. “Thanks.”

“I wish I warned you sooner. I’ve tried to warn every girl he was after — or any girl the team was going after — but my reputation makes it hard for them to believe me. If anything, they made it worse.” She pulls away and looks back into the house. “Thanks for believing me.”

You follow her gaze and see Jaehyun, jumping to the beat of the song playing, with Areum in tow. “Does she know he’s cheating on her?”

“Areum? They’re not exclusive, that’s what he claims. She says they’re in an open relationship, so she probably knows about you.”

Knowing that she, as well as his friends, knows about you and Jaehyun sleeping together doesn’t sit well with you. Does he tell them about it every time? They must laugh at how innocent and pathetic you were.

“God,” Minkyung scowls, “What did I even see in him? If he wasn’t at the top of the class, I would have believed he had a dick for a brain.”

You giggle at this, knowing she’s doing her best to lighten the mood.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant yet.” She laughs, “I wonder how he’d react to that.”

Your laughter falters.

Minkyung watches as you scramble to take your phone out, opening up an app you kept to track your period. You had a normal cycle, this tracker is proof. But the past month has been so hectic that you didn’t even notice.

“I’m… two weeks late.” You look to her for help, fingers shaking in panic. “I’m never late. I—”

“Wait, [Y/N], calm down. Being late for your period doesn’t mean you’re pregnant.”

“I know that!” You exclaim, “But what if I am?”

You think about your scholarship, graduation, your parents — how are you going to tell your parents if you were, in fact, pregnant?

Before you bring yourself into a panic attack, Minkyung shakes your arm, “[Y/N], calm down. Do you want to take a pregnancy test?”

“I can’t take that back home—”

“Then take it back at my place. I’ll buy you the pregnancy test.” She fishes car keys out of her pockets, “Come on. Mingyu can find a ride home himself, I don’t even know why I let him drag me to be his personal driver.”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Minkyung doesn’t answer immediately until she shrugs her shoulders, “If I were in your position, I’d wish someone would be there who understands and helps out.”

She was right. You don’t even know how Jungwoo would react, let alone do.

“Wait, let me go back inside and tell Jungwoo I’ll be going.”

“Kim Jungwoo? He’s gay, right?”

You gasp, petrified at her question, “How did you— I mean, no!”

She chuckles, “Don’t worry. I understand. It takes one to know one. I’ll go get the car. It’s a red volvo.”

As she leaves, you head back inside to look for Jungwoo and it’s not that hard thanks to his height. You flag him down, grabbing his wrist and dragging so you could talk right into his ear. 

“Can I go ahead? I’m not comfortable.”

“Okay, let me say goodbye—”

“No! You’re clearly having fun. It’s not that late, I can go home by myself.” You try to walk away, but he seizes your hand.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”

Bless his heart. Only Jungwoo could read you like a book. But you’re not ready to tell him, not until you’re sure, so you just smile and nod. Fortunately, he lets you go and you quickly make your way through the crowd to reach the front door. Just as you were about to step out, a hand wraps around your wrist and you think it’s Jungwoo.

But of course it wasn’t.

“Hey, you came.” Jaehyun lets go of you once you turn around. “I thought you had a shift?”

“Yeah. I’m heading back over now. I thought I’d drop by with Jungwoo.” You hug yourself, doing your best to meet his eyes so he wouldn’t suspect anything. In your peripheral vision, you see his friends watching from another room. “So, I have to go.”

“Did you try and find me?”

The wording to his question was off, but you shake your head, “The crowd is a little… overwhelming. I don’t think I could have seen you even if I tried… I’m gonna be late for shift change.”

“Do you want me to drive you there? My car’s at the house though—”

“Then no.” You forced a smile, “You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”

Jaehyun frowns, but relents, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Okay. Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Our own little celebration about your scholarship?”

“Oh… yeah, sure.” You try to think of an excuse to back out of it, but you’re too flustered under his gaze to even do so. “S-see you then.”

He cracks a smile, and maybe it’s just your feelings for him, but you swear he seems genuinely excited about it, “Okay. I’ll text you.”

You turn around and start to walk, taking slow steps out the door until you see a red volvo pull up. Minkyung rolls down the window to let you know it was her and you get in. After putting the seatbelt on, she hands you a pack of tissues.

“You can cry. I’m not going to judge you.”

“I know.” You let the initial tears slip down your cheeks. “I should have known something like this was going to happen.”

She rubs your back for a while before starting the car and driving away. It was strange to think you barely talked to her for an hour but still felt closer to her than Jaehyun, who you’ve spent months with. Did she have a pregnancy scare as well? More importantly, did she have someone to confide to?

You finally let yourself break down into a sob. It was dumb and foolish of you to think he had the best intentions for you. You were both in it for the sex and all you asked was for it to be kept secret, but the worst people to find out about it already knew about it. It was stupid of you to even fall for him — no, it was more stupid of you to make a bet with him in the first place. You can’t even believe you walked into that party with the intention of confessing your feelings for him.

“He’s still coming by the store. You should have never told him where you worked.”

You sigh, lathering the washed cabbage heads with the bright red paste your mother had already made. It was the holidays and you went back home to your family like you always did. Being with them brought you so much relief after everything that had happened after CSAT. You excitedly told them about the scholarship, presenting the letter as proof, as well as the high chance of you graduating as valedictorian. You even introduced Minkyung to them through video call as you two had become considerably close. The only thing you left out to your parents was Jaehyun. They didn’t need to know that at all.

You thanked every god and your lucky stars that you weren’t pregnant — the missed weeks probably due to the stress — and the dreaded red week came a few days when you went back home.You had burst into tears of joy at the sight of blood stained sheets and your mother excused it as your hormones acting up.

As for Jaehyun, you didn’t reply back to him when he asked if you were ready to meet up the day after the party. You didn’t pick up his calls. You worked twice as hard, enlisting Jungwoo and Minkyung’s help, to avoid running into him at school. Minkyung had to block his number for you because you didn’t have the heart to do it. You felt bad for doing this to him, but they reminded you of everything he did to you and you just feel just a tiny bit of guilt for ghosting him.

But as Jungwoo had just reported over the group call you had with him and Minkyung, he came by the convenience store almost everyday, hoping to catch you on your shift. When Jungwoo finally snapped and told him you were back at home, he comes in every other day to ask where you lived.

“I would ban him from the store if I were you.” Minkyung suggests.

“You know I would’ve if I could.” Jungwoo gripes, “But you can’t ban people if they’re just annoying you. I can’t even say it’s borderline harassment since he leaves after I shoo him off.”

“I don’t get it.” You huff, stuffing the freshly made kimchi into a large jar. “Min, you said he’d stop after a week. It’s almost the end of Christmas break and he’s still trying to contact me.”

“I’m just as confused as you. Maybe his pride is hurt. He’s the one being dumped for the first time and you know what? Good for you, [Y/N], for being the first to break his heart.”

You smile at them through the camera, but you hope it was believable enough through the screen. You’re still in love with him. You realize this after finding yourself constantly thinking and worrying about him when you’re not occupied with house chores or farm work. You’ll never tell Jungwoo or Minkyung, but a part of you really misses him.

“Oh my god, he’s here at my house.” Minkyung whispers as if he could hear her as she peeks through her blinds. “I’m gonna eavesdrop on them.”

“Kyung.” You warn, wiping your hands on a kitchen towel after you washed them. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” She huffs, “What if he’s trash talking you? You’re my friend now and this is my house, I have every right to throw him out.”

“If he’s trash talking me, then I’m gonna want to talk to him. You know,” You put the jars of kimchi you made into the fridge, “For closure.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Minkyung sighs, “That’s a dangerous plan.”

“I agree.” Jungwoo pipes in, “He was able to convince you to sleep with him. He can definitely do it again. You’re in a vulnerable state, [Y/N], whether he knows that or not. You don’t have any prior knowledge on this while he’s an expert.”

“It’s breaking off a relationship — not even, it was just a deal we made.” You look outside the window to make sure your family is still outside, “How hard could it be?”

“Says the girl who let someone teach her sex after losing a bet.” Minkyung snides, “Your emotions could get the better of you once you face him. I think it’s better to avoid him until he finally accepts the fact that you’re done with him.”

And she was right. Although you really did want to talk to him, at least one last time and face to face, they were right about him possibly coercing you again. You didn’t think you would fall for him this hard even though you know about what he’s done.

Returning to the city a week before the holiday break ends always puts you into a sad mood since you have to leave your family and now it makes you feel anxious because you can’t possibly hide from Jaehyun until graduation. Minkyung tells you that he and his friends will be out of town for a few days and she invites you over to hang out. Jungwoo couldn’t come because he and his parents visited his older sister’s family.

“As promised,” You said after greeting Minkyung as she opened the front gate, “Kimchi made by yours truly using my mom’s pepper paste made from our farm’s chili peppers.”

It was a sizable container, good for a family of 5 for two weeks at most. Minkyung squeals as she accepts it, “Thank you! I’m so excited to try it out. We’re definitely eating this for dinner later.”

Her house had almost the same layout as Mark’s house, but had a more contemporary interior.

“Oh my god,” You gasp, approaching the photo wall and pointing at a portrait of two children as you unwrapped the scarf from your neck, “You’re so cute!”

“Our mother was obsessed with making us match clothes before.” She sighs, stopping beside you.

“Wow, you two looked really identical.”

Minkyung scoffs, “Yeah, thank god we don’t anymore.”

Before she turns to lead you to the kitchen, you swear you caught a frown form on her face.

You two had a baking agenda today ever since you found out she loved to bake with her mother when she was younger but never got to do it again since her mother got busy with work. She still bakes from time to time but doesn’t find it as fun when someone else is around.

The kitchen island had all the ingredients laid out and the oven had preheated. You two only talked about making cookies and cupcakes, but it looked like there were enough to make cake and bread.

Minkyung puts the kimchi inside their fridge and you wait for her in front of the ingredients, “So how do we go about this?”

“Let’s do a headstart on cupcakes first so they can cool down before we get to decorate them.”

It feels like a nice change to be hanging out with another girl. You love Jungwoo, but there are things you can’t say or do with him because it felt too awkward. Also, compared to you, he has other friends he likes to hang out with while you can count all yours with one hand. Minkyung was a lot bubblier once you got to know her. She always kept to herself in school and seemed so chic and mysterious, but was just as eccentric and clumsy as Jungwoo. It was a weird way to start a friendship, sharing the same experiences with Jaehyun, but you’re really glad you’ve become friends with her.

A couple of hours into baking, you took charge of icing the last couple of cupcakes while Minkyung tries a bite of the experimental cookies you made with cinnamon and marshmallows.

“Is it good?” You place the cupcake you finished icing on the cake rack.

She walks over to you to feed you a piece, “Like a starbucks drink. It’s not bad, no?”

It did taste like a starbucks drink made into a cookie, but you liked it. “I think it’s okay. Nothing beats your chocolate chip, though. I can’t wait to go back home and make it for my siblings. Thanks for sharing your recipe. I promise to take it to my grave.”

“Tell me what they think of it.” Both of you pause when you hear the car gates creaking open. She looks at you, clearly confused, “Did my mom come home early?”

You put the piping bag down and went to wash your hands in the sink of stray icing as she bounds towards the foyer. Minkyung talks fondly of her mom and mentions how she wanted to meet you. You dry your hands on the apron before taking it off, placing on the counter and following after her.

Just as you walk out of the kitchen doorway, you hear Minkyung exclaiming, “Why are you here?”

It was a split second realization from the hostile tone of her voice that tells you who was at the front door, however your body reacts a split second too late and you end up stepping into the hallway that led to the foyer.

“[Y/N]?”

You’re frozen in your spot, absolutely mortified to see Jaehyun standing behind Mingyu.

“What are you…?” He steps forward and pauses, connecting the dots in his head. He turns to Minkyung and grabs her arm, “What did you tell her?”

“The truth about you.” She hisses, shaking his hold off. Once she does, she moves away from him and closer to you. “You ruined my life and I’m not going to let you ruin hers.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, sis.” Mingyu puts an arm out between them.

Jaehyun moves around him to walk towards you, but Minkyung blocks him. He scowls at her, “[Y/N], whatever she told you is a lie.”

The Jaehyun in front of you scared you; he looked so angry and hurt… like that time he got benched in sophomore year. His jaw is tight and his nostrils are flaring as he and Minkyung stared each other down.

“No, it’s the truth.” She glances back at you, gaze firm and unwavering.

“Kyung, give it up.” Her brother grabs her hand, “It’s been, what? 2? 3 years? Get over it.”

Minkyung indignantly huffs, slowly turning her head back to them, “Get over it? He took everything from me and you just want me to get over it? He took everything from me.”

Her voice cracks as she begins to sob, shoulders dropping as she faces her brother. “And you let him, Mingyu… You chose him over me, your goddamn twin sister.”

Your heartbreaks at the scene in front of you. Minkyung always made snide remarks about her brother, scowling as she speaks about him, but that frown you caught earlier should have told you that she misses him. You can’t imagine the pain she feels of losing someone she spent her whole life with — her own brother — and be torn apart because of something Jaehyun had said and done.

Minkyung sniffs, snatching her hand away from Mingyu and walks to you, “I’m sorry. We were having so much fun… but I want to be alone right now. I’ll drive you home—”

“No, go ahead. I…” Your eyes flit towards Jaehyun, “I want to talk to him.”

She stares at you, briefly sending a glare over to him, “Are you sure?”

You nod, “I can’t run away from forever. I’ll be fine.”

She gives you a tight hug before heading towards the stairs. Mingyu tries to stop her but she starts to run up the steps.

“I’m gonna talk to her.” Mingyu pats Jaehyun’s arm, spares a glance at you, and goes up after his sister.

You and Jaehyun stood in the foyer, awkwardly waiting for each other to say something.

“Can we talk?” He finally breaks the silence.

“Yeah.” A door being pounded on and shouting was heard above your heads and you smack your lips, “Uhm, somewhere else?”

“Yeah, okay,” He takes his car keys out of his pocket, “I know a place.”

Sensing your hesitation, he quickly follows it up with, “Don’t worry, it’s not my house.”

You decide to trust him, gathering your things and following him out the door to his car. It felt weird to be seated back inside and even weirder to think about the times you’ve spent together in it. He plugs his phone to the aux cord and chooses a random song to play on the softest volume before he begins to drive.

“I thought you guys had an out of town trip?” You quietly ask, seeing the duffel bag on the backseat.

“Yeah.” He clicks his tongue, “We were uninvited. The villa we were going to is owned by Areum’s family and you can say I chose the wrong day to upset her.”

“What did you do?”

Jaehyun sighs, keeping his attention on the road, “You know, when you didn’t respond to my texts, I got worried about you. I thought you got in trouble or something. You wouldn’t pick up my calls, Jungwoo wouldn’t tell me where the fuck you were, and up until I realized you blocked my number, I started to understand the situation.”

You turn your attention to the window, watching the world pass by.

“You saw us, didn’t you? Me and Areum. You saw us that night at the party? Is that why you stopped talking to me?”

“It’s so much more than that.” You cut in, making sure your voice is as steady as you can make it out to be, “Besides, it’s not my business. I’m just the girl you keep a secret—”

You let out a disbelieved laugh, “Wait, I can’t even say I’m the girl you’ve been secretly fucking.”

“What are you talking about?”

Taking a deep breath, you ask him, “Is it true that you and your friends made a — a fuck checklist and I was on it?”

The car was stopped at a red light, it was the only time for him to look at you but he chooses not to.

“Did you agree to a bet with your friends that you could sleep with me? And that was what prompted you to approach me in the library in the first place?”

He finally looks at you, stunned like a deer caught in the headlights, and it was enough to break your heart all over again. He opens his mouth to respond, but the car behind you honks its horn and Jaehyun starts to drive, not noticing the green light.

“All I wanted was for us to be a secret. I wouldn’t care about Areum or any other girl… or so I thought,” You grumble the last part, “I thought you were holding up that end of the deal, but it turns out people already knew. God, Jaehyun! For someone who’s top 2 in school, I’m so fucking stupid to believe you.”

He stops the car and lets out a heavy breath, “I’m sorry.”

“You think that’s enough?” You snap, facing forward and seeing a lakeside picnic area. “Where are we?”

“My parents and I went here during spring when I was younger. I like to come here and just watch the water.” He licks his lips, “I was supposed to take you here that day after the party.”

“Why?”

“I…” He shrugs, “I’m gonna sit outside for awhile. You can join me if you want.”

“It’s nearly 3 degrees outside.”

He opens the door and the cold rush of air makes you hug yourself. He steps out and closes the door behind him, walking up to one of the picnic tables to brush off some of the snow and sit down on it, looking off into the distance of the frozen lake.

You gather up the courage to face the biting, icy air,  pulling the hood of your jacket up and going after him. You take a seat on the bench of the table beside his and hide half your face into your scarf. His face was ghastly white, save for the apples of his cheeks, tip of his nose and ears, and his lips that were bright red.

“Do you have plans to freeze to death?”

Jaehyun chuckles, “I like winter.”

“I prefer spring.” You mumble, crossing your arms to preserve your body warmth. Looking back at the lake, you comment, “Must have been a nice view if I had gone with you that day.”

“I personally think it’s a nice view all year round.”

Silence falls over the two of you, along with it was the awkwardness and tension. You feel like you couldn’t breathe despite being in an open area.

“It’s true.” He breaks the silence after a few minutes, “We were all drunk and I don’t even remember who suggested it, but everyone thought it was a great idea — a fuck list. From cheerleaders, to band geeks, to bisexuals… to the valedictorian… one of us will sleep with any of those and it’ll be checked off the list.”

This makes your stomach churn; disgusted and disappointed at the thought. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for the nasty things that go through someone’s head.

“No one was willing to do you. No one had connections to you. Until Eunwoo said we were always switching places as top 1 every semester. They said it would be like an ice breaker between us and they left me to think about how I could get in your pants.” He took in a deep breath, “But believe me, I didn’t want to. I didn’t even think you’d give me the time of day. You didn’t seem interested in anyone and your nose was always stuck between textbooks. So they riled me up and I let them push me into doing it.”

“And then you orchestrated this whole plan of baiting me into making a different bet with you where you try to sleep with me and disguised it as teaching me sex.” You click your tongue, “I was a much easier target than you thought, huh?”

“It was supposed to be a one time thing, but I meant what I said that you can’t just learn sex in one night.”

“Minkyung said you told her the exact same words 3 years ago.” Your heart grows heavy at the thought of her, “Did you even really like her back?”

Jaehyun closes his eyes, hanging his head low and slowly shaking it sideways. “No.”

“How could you turn twins against each other?” You scowl, “I can’t even fathom how you were able to do that!”

“Well, I don’t either! I care about Mingyu, too. I knew he’d kill me if I even dared touch Minkyung, but she practically offered herself up to me.”

“Choose your words carefully, Jung.” You warn, gritting your teeth, “That doesn’t mean you accept it, let alone use that fact against her. She was— was ostracized! By her own brother!”

“That’s on him! I know what I did was shitty and I owe her an apology. I’m not the same boy I was 3 years ago!” He shoots up from his seat and walks closer to the lake, “My high school life is full of regrets, okay? I have vices. I let my dick decide for me. I’m a fucking teenager. I know I’ve hurt people and they probably won’t forgive me so I don’t bother with apologizing to their faces, but I regret my actions, alright?”

“So you regret sleeping with me?”

Jaehyun looks back at you, staring into your eyes with an unreadable expression. After a moment, he inhales, “I regret sleeping with you under those circumstances.”

You frown, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I liked being with you. Aside from the sex or the pillow talk — the small conversations in my car or at the library… I looked forward to those the most.”

“Then why did we always have sex?”

“Because that’s what you were looking forward to.”

“Because that’s the reason why we were meeting up in the first place!” You exclaim, “If you wanted to talk, you could have just told me. We can be actual friends, you know.”

“But what if,” Jaehyun nervously licks his lips, blinking rapidly as the wind picks up a bit, “What if I wanted to be more?”

Your ears are ringing as if they popped. Did you hear him right? He wanted to be more than friends? “But… Areum…”

He immediately denies it, “We’re not even dating. I mean, we act like we are, but all we’re doing is using each other. We have sex and she uses me as a status symbol or something — we got uninvited to her villa because I told her last night that I didn’t want to share a room with her. I didn’t want to do anything with her anymore, to be exact.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I like you!”

You gaped at him like he had grown a second head, “You like me? Jaehyun, you could literally have anyone — anyone — in the whole world!”

“Then why can’t I have you?”

“But…” You shake your head, “Why me?”

Now it was Jaehyun’s turn to look at you bewilderedly, “Why not you?”

“God! You know I hate it when you answer my questions with a question!” You stand up and march towards him, “Why would you choose me over Areum or Minkyung—”

“Stop bringing other people into this,” He interjects, “This is about you and me.”

“You’re better off with them. Or anybody else.” You look down at your feet to avoid his gaze, “I don’t have time to be in a committed relationship. Not when high school is almost done and college is around the corner.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.” His lips form a forlorn smile, “I wanted to tell you earlier. I wanted to tell you that day we were supposed to come here.”

“You wanted to tell me that day?” You repeat, waiting for him to confirm, “You wanted to tell me that you like me that day when just the night before you were partying with another girl… kissing her and holding her hand… you want me to believe that you like me the entire time you were doing those things with her?”

Jaehyun starts to look flustered, “I-I told you. Areum and I aren’t dating. It’s all for show—”

“Could’ve fooled me.” You say in a higher pitch than your regular voice. “Do you hear yourself? You wanted to tell another girl you liked her after you were with someone else the night prior?”

“[Y/N], just listen to me first—”

“No. You listen to me.” You demand, “I was on cloud nine that day, Jaehyun. My scholarship application for my dream university was accepted, I was told I was graduating as valedictorian... just all the hard work I’ve dedicated my entire school life was paying off. I didn’t mean for you to be the first one to know, but I wanted to celebrate it with you, too — so, so badly, Jaehyun.”

Your sight starts to blur as you pause to take a breath, “I didn’t mean to go to that party, but I wanted to see you again. I spent extra time to fix myself up for you because you always called me nice things when I was naked and I wanted to hear you say those things when I’m clothed. I hate crowds — I hate them so much because I feel so out of place, but I ignored them all. I just wanted to see you. And I did. And I saw her.”

Your throat burns as you do your best to choke down your tears. He watches you, unmoving and unsure, so you continue speaking.

“And— and I-I’ve never… I’ve never felt that, you know? Just pure pain in my chest. I’ve never been jealous of anyone until I saw her. My head hurt with so many questions and if Minkyung hadn’t brought me out, I would have passed out. When she told me her story, my heart ached even more. I couldn’t believe you were capable of doing that to anyone but our stories matched up, word for word, Jaehyun. It made sense and up until on the way here, I would have given you the benefit of the doubt, but you didn’t even deny it.” Unable to hold back, you start to sob, “I wanted to tell you I loved you that night, Jaehyun.”

Saying those words out loud brought both relief and horror to your system; it felt nice to have something you kept to yourself for so long to finally see the light of day, but the last person you wanted to hear them was the person those words were for.

He’s visibly astonished by your confession; eyes wide and misty, and mouth agape, letting you see the soft wisps of his warm breath react to the cold air.

“H-how long have you been…”

You angrily shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know. I had inklings of it every time you were sweet to me, but I ignored them. But I knew I was when I saw you with Areum… because why else would my heart break for someone who isn’t mine.”

“I can be yours.” Jaehyun takes a step forward but you put your hand up to stop him, “It’s not too late, [Y/N].”

“I had a pregnancy scare, Jaehyun.” You softly admit, “I realized I was late, ironically, at the party and Minkyung took me back to her place so I can take a pregnancy test. It came out negative, but until I finally got my period days after I went back home to my parents, I was so fucking scared, Jaehyun.”

“Fuck.” He curses, “Shit, I’m sorry, [Y/N]. I… I should have told you the condom broke.”

Your ears were ringing again. It was as if the entire world decided to stop and the silence was deafening.

“You knew the condom broke and you didn’t tell me…?”

“I panicked, too! It’s the first time it happened—”

“Well, fuck, Jaehyun! Congratulations, you know what to do next time it does!” You start to breathe heavily, remembering the anxiety you felt a few weeks ago. “Do you know how hard it is to look my parents in the eye and tell them everything is fine when in the back of your mind you don’t know if you’re pregnant or not? And if I was, how the fuck am I going to explain our relationship to them? I’m the breadwinner of the family. I had one goal: succeed in school to get a good job in the city. Getting pregnant in high school? That is the easiest way to ruin everything both me and my parents have worked hard for.”

He swallows hard, “Would you have kept… the baby?”

You answer in a broken voice as another sob escapes you, “Yes.”

“I wouldn’t have let you go through that alone, [Y/N].” Jaehyun holds your hands, both frosty from being exposed to the winter weather, “I’m going to take responsibility. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I should have told you the moment I found out. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

Your palms started to feel warm now that he held them tightly. This was the first contact you had with him in weeks. You would have thought you would crave more, but you don’t. You liked his hands, you told him this, you liked it that he touched you with them, but now they just felt like any other set of hands.

“You’re as clueless at love as me… just like how I was with sex a few months ago.” You try to crack a smile and force out a chuckle, but you end up streaming new tears down your cheeks. “And it’s easy to say that we can learn this together.”

His eyes light up, hopeful with your words. Only to grow wet as you struggle to say the next words.

“But I can’t.” You choke out, “I can’t be the one to learn this with you.”

You retract your hands from him, slipping them out of his hold, and curling them into fist to keep the warmth in.

“[Y/N].” His voice quivered, looking down at his empty hands, “What do I have to say or do for you to stay?”

It was odd and painful to see him cry; he exuded such a strong image and power with charisma that can be seen and felt for miles. Yet here he was, crumbling in front of you.

“Nothing.” You bit down your lip to keep it from trembling, “It was a mistake to even make that bet with you… but I don’t regret it.”

Jaehyun sniffs, cheeks and nose even redder now. You bravely put a hand on his cheek, wiping his tears with your thumb.

“A part of me will always be with you. It’s a part I’ll never get back and I don’t mind. Even though it was brief, I don’t regret falling in love with you.” You step closer to him, placing your other hand on his chest. He puts his hand over yours on his chest and the other on your waist. You look into each other’s eyes, studying each other for the last time before you push yourself up and kiss him.

It was bittersweet knowing this was the last kiss. Maybe that’s why both of you made the most of it, clinging onto each other like you were each other’s lifeline. There was no fighting for dominance, just moving your mouths against each other in complete sync. You exert every last drop of your emotions for him with this kiss until both of you pull away.

You start crying again, burying your face into his chest. His arms go around you, holding you tight as he starts to quietly sob as well.

“I wish I realized I liked you from the start…” He whispers, “If I had, I wouldn’t be saying I love you as a goodbye.”

His shoulders shake a little harder after he says those words and you hug him tighter. You stand in the freezing air, holding each other in silence until both of you notice the specks of white falling around you.

From an outsider’s point of view, seeing the two of you standing under the snowfall could probably paint a picture perfect scene of winter romance.

“I’m sorry.” You say, “You shouldn’t have brought me here. You had fond memories here.”

Jaehyun follows your gaze to the stretch of ice, the surface scratched up from ice skates. There’s no use in telling you that he still went here that day and witnessed a man go down on his knees in front of a woman. It had him thinking, but even then he knew it was ridiculous.

“And I still do.” He sniffs, returning his gaze to yours. “I’ll come back to this place and remember the times my family had picnics, or the times my dad and I went fishing, or skating, or skipping stones. Other than those, I’ll come back and remember this as the place I was able to tell the very first girl that I love her.”

Your chest constricts once more, but this time it doesn’t hurt. “You can come back here and remember that she loves you too.”

He smiles, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, or even bring out his dimples, “Even if she was the one that got away… I love her, nonetheless.”

You had always imagined breaking up would leave you broken beyond repair, sobbing in a crumpled up state on the ground — but then again, this wasn’t a break up. You two were ending things; a toxic relationship that neither of you acknowledged until it was too late. You still want to cry, you’re still hurting, but a part of you tells you it’s going to be okay.

The wind blows again and you gasp, shivering as the icy air seeped through your clothes.

Jaehyun chuckles, “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

You eagerly trek back to his car with him, putting your hands up to the heater once he turns it on. You think you heard him call you cute under his breath, but you don’t let it linger in your thoughts. You wait for him to play a song, but he never does. As he was about to reverse his car out of the parking lot, he pauses to look at you one last time.

He doesn’t say anything, so you don’t either. After a few seconds, he starts to drive and you watch the lake disappear from the side mirror.

 » hope you liked it ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ let me know your thoughts through here

[chrolloctrl]

hello～! can i request for Adultrio who fell in love with fem crime hunter Reader? also have a nice day/evening💘

thank you for the request! i tried my best to make all of these different from each other, but i also tried to stay true to how the characters would sincerely react:) oh and sorry for the late post, school’s been tough :( but yknow it be like that

note(s)/warning(s): some mentions of blood and violence, but other than that nothing you wouldn’t see on hxh though

fandom(s)/character(s): hunter x hunter, adultrio, aka illumi, hisoka, and chrollo

for dialogue purposes, italics are you, and bold is the character :)

i l l u m i

since you’re a crime hunter and he is a literal trained assassin, the relationship is pretty much seemingly doomed for failure

however i imagine that you guys meet in an a very unexpected way

he’s on a mission to kill someone who had stolen from the zoldycks, and you’re on a mission to take out a thief

yeah it’s the same guy you got it

illumi gets there first and gets the job done

much to your dismay

you’re standing right behind him as he’s covered in blood over the body

all you say is “since when does the assassin do something morally correct?”

“when it benefits him.” he responds.

i think he recognizes you before you recognize him

“you’re y/n, right? crime hunter?”

“you could say that.”

“we aren’t so different you know..”

“we are incredibly different. i don’t kill for sport.”

“you still kill, though.”

you’re so pissed off because he kind of has a point

oh and that emotionless stupid little face of his pisses you off even more

it’s all love we know i love illumi

illumi’s bloodlust is out of control at this point, your interaction with him just increased that

“what are you going to do? kill me?”

“no. it doesn’t benefit me now does it?”

“what do you want from me illumi?”

“ a deal.”

somehow he ropes you into helping him on missions as long as it corresponds with your own morals

i think the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is when you explain morality to him

like obviously he has no idea wtf good morals are lmao

you act as his therapist in a way, comforting him about his past and telling him that his bad actions don’t make him a bad person, just a person who used to do bad things

sorry guys i love soft illumi, and i genuinely think he has the capability to be good

one day he breaks down after a mission, and he is so embarrassed that you’re the first person he shows his deep, buried emotions to

you just hold him and comfort him, telling him its not his fault

after that he doesn’t want to talk to you because he’s embarrassed

“i think emotions make you a better assassin.”

“how does that make sense?”

“makes you think twice.”

and now he knows why killua loves gon so much.

h i s o k a

we already know this bitch is obsessed with you

probably keeps tabs on you to see what you’re up to

every headline involving you “taking down another lowlife” catches his attention so fast

he wants a fight so bad

so he creates a plan

commit a crime so terribly that they HAVE to send you to take him out

just another amazing idea from hisoka!

so he figures out who you’re working for, and kills someone close to them, obviously leaving behind a trace so they have somewhat of an idea as to who he is, but still making it a hunt

he probably leaves a star and tear behind, something that only those who knew him would recognize

and so he watches you hunt him while he hunts you

you’re asking anyone and everyone if they recognize the star and tear, most people either having no clue, or recognizing it but keeping quiet about it in fear of what hisoka would do

eventually, someone says they know a person who draws a star and tear on their face — hisoka morrow

once hisoka hears that you know his name he is absolutely ecstatic, he probably reveals himself to you right after

“it has been so fun watching you search for me.”

“if you knew i was looking, why be a coward and hide?”

“there’s no fun if there’s no chase, darling.”

you guys battle it out, i imagine the fight is very close, but evidently you just can’t keep up with him

“you put up a beautiful fight…hmm, perhaps i’ll let you survive if you join me?”

out of breath and on the brink of death, he assumes you’re saying no

right as he goes for the finishing blow, you hold your hands up, and whisper through a mouth full of blood a small “i’ll do it.”

he has a huge grin on his face, so excited to have successfully “corrupted” you

sorry y’all added a little corruption kink in their my b

once he takes you to machi so she can heal you, you both go on ur little killing ppl missions together cos what else does hisoka do lol

he realizes he’s in love once you finish someone off, a crazed look in your eyes, smile on display, covered in blood.

“you’ve never looked as beautiful as you do now.”

you and hisoka’s love is weird. but it’s intense, and it is real. just not...normal.

you guys are crazy killers, but it works

he probably draws a star and tear on you just so u guys can match

after u.. murder people <3

yandere reader vibes sorry

c h r o l l o

for this, we are going to assume that you are the “weakest” link of the crime hunter agency

so they make you the bait

sorry i just want to cover all of our bases

you definitely have a lot of potential, you are just incredibly clumsy, and taking down the phantom troupe is something that requires plenty of people on the job

chrollo already knows you’re a crime hunter when he “runs into you” at a bar, as well as the fact that you aren’t working alone

but he entertains you, just because he’s bored lol

i can already picture you being caught off guard by how handsome chrollo is, because honestly im sorry who wouldn’t be

you kind of even forget you’re there on a job

but, when chrollo asks if you know about nen and what type of nen you use, you quickly remember why you’re there

you smile, “yes, i’m a specialist.”

he asks you to show him, but you decline

“i will lose it if i do.”

chrollo smirks, “smart girl.”

with that, you feel a sharp pain on the side closest to chrollo, and everything goes dark as you tumble into his arms

once you wake up, all the spiders surround you, chrollo in the center

“caught in the web.” you say, as chrollo’s eyes lighten up.

“precisely.”

“is there any way to escape a spider’s web?”

“prove to be worthy.”

there he went again, begging to see your nen so he could steal it

but just because you were thought to be the weakest link, didn’t mean it was true

“i mean, you’re looking at it right now.”

the troupe stares in confusion, and before chrollo can respond, one of the spiders falls to the ground, beheaded. (i can’t pick who so just pretend its ur least favorite <3)

the spiders stand there in shock

there were two of you.

the real you, free and unbounded, makes the clone disappear

“you said you were a specialist, but this seems to be a conjurer technique?”

“the speciality is that you can’t steal it. it isn’t exactly nen.”

this is the first time someone’s caught chrollo off guard, he has no idea what to do, i mean how did he know that this you wasn't a clone?

“now, i’ve heard once a leg is missing, there needs to be a replacement. what does the head think?”

you weren’t just a crime hunter, you were a double agent who wanted in on the phantom troupe

the moment chrollo realized your abilities weren’t nen, i think that’s when he fell in love

hear me out

he knows he’s going to be indebted to you forever

and we all know those books he reads...mf is a hopeless romantic who if in love, pretty much is absolutely obsessed

and boy is he obsessed already

of course, he is unable to steal it from you which is quite a drag

but, with you there, and your undiscovered abilities, the phantom troupe was basically unbeatable

something he wanted so badly

“welcome to the troupe number ___.” (once again i can’t decide who LOL you guys can pick)

you protect him and he protects you. 

if any of the troupe questions you and your decisions, he defends you so fast

eventually the troupe is referred to as “a spider with two heads”

kinda cute, kinda funky fresh name for thieves and murderers<3 at least u guys r passionately in love <3 

i hope this was good!! im kind of rusty so sorry :( im finishing up some other requests, and im thinking of crossposting a fic on here and on ao3, inspired by my dr strange/hxh hcs :) but requests are still open! guidelines right here  (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ thank you to everyone who shows love to my posts!

[chichirichick]

SoMa Week Day 3: Protect

I may have gone a little crazy with this one... it's sort of a lyric fic inspired by @macabremermaid sending me awesome playlists for my other fics.

Check out my @soulxmakaweek entry for Day 3 on ff.net, ao3, or after the cut! Also, feel free to listen to the playlist on repeat 😘

"What the hell is this?"

There were never more dreadful words strung together, but the fact that Maka was shouting them as she was unceremoniously plopping onto his stomach while he was lying on the couch added a blistering wave of anxiety to them. As Soul realized it was in fact his laptop in her hands, the utter panic was compounded as his heart threatened to entirely spew from his chest.

Had he perhaps left a porn tab open?

Had she opened his email and saw how much money he actually spent on the new sound system that he bought for the living room?

Had she found the chat logs between him and Liz where she dogged him day in and day out about the uncomfortable reality of his feelings for his meister?

"Soul, seriously- KPop?"

I wish it was the porn, he cursed out at the universe.

"Because I go to YouTube to find a video on how to fix-"

"Why are you on my laptop though?" He finally managed to squeak, even though that was most definitely not even close to raging; it was just the poor, pathetic squeal of a man entirely metaphorically stripped.

"Mine needs to charge," she spat back as if that was a stupid question in the first place. "Going back to my point- I open it up and on the top of your playlists is this one: Mix0903. Which is filled with Korean boy bands." She leveled her eyes at him with the playful accusation. "Does that mean you have nine hundred and two other mixes of Korean pop music or are the others at least filled with the snooty music you've led us all to believe you actually like? I think Miles Davis would be rolling over in his grave-"

"Give me that!" Soul finally let some of his panic feed action rather than frozen fear as he sat up and grabbed for the laptop. Regardless of the implications, part of him wished for it to take a skyrocketing, crashing fall, shattering to bits just as his coolness had moments prior, but Maka had an iron grip on the machine. The only thing his movements earned him was Maka settling in his lap, leaning as far forward as she could manage with arms outstretched to keep the laptop from his grasp.

Yes, this position was in no way, shape, or form comfortable as her ass ground into his crotch, but at least Soul's body was more involved with the hysterics of her hitting play, of that stupid first song starting the emotional rollercoaster that he sat on at least once a week.

"BTS, Soul, seriously," Maka teased through twittering giggles. "Dimple? Do you know the dance for this? Please, please, tell me you do!"

"There's no dance," he groaned as he attempted to wrap an arm around her waist, hugging her closer so that his other hand could hopefully stretch far enough to the spacebar to at least stop the torture. Instead, he was left cursing Maka's flexibility, the tuck of her waist still leaving it out of his grasp.

"OK, OK, next!" Maka clicked a button. "Who's WOODZ?"

"You wouldn't know 'im," Soul grumbled.

"Ugh, even with K-Pop you're an insufferable hipster. You wouldn't know him, he's so underground," she added as she put on her best Soul impression.

He sucked his teeth as he heard the click again.

"OK, Shinee's a classic, Soul," Maka interrupted herself for laughter again. "But this one's a little creepy, isn't it? With all my body baby- I'll crash into you- So that I can feel- Every little thing with you."

Soul huffed.

Another click.

"VIXX?" Peels of laughter left her again. "Oh, and look at the collars, Soul! Are you serious? Is that going to be a new fashion look for you?"

As if I need more jokes from Black Star about bein' on a leash, Soul sighed.

Another click. "Worship U?"

This was spiraling out of control and Soul's only hope with the insufferable length of her reach was to let his head fall in defeat between her shoulder blades.

"If you think giving up already is going to save you from teasing…" Maka started but the words trailed off, overwhelmed by the song.

"I won't stop, never

Until the end of my life

Don't stop forever

Without wavering like this

Now don't worry, worry, worry

I will protect you-"

The line cut off quickly as Maka clicked again.

Soul's hand tensed around her wrist.

"BTS again." She was trying to laugh but it came out a little too breathy.

"Why is it so dark when you're not here

It's dangerous how wrecked I am

Save me because I can't get a grip on myself"

The arm around her waist pulled, and Maka allowed her back to curl into his chest, the laptop now well within his reach. He moved his head to hover just over her shoulder, eyes on the screen. Instead of grasping for it, his hands were busy on her skin, trying to hold her as much as he was holding the words he'd listened to a million times.

Another click.

"Even though I like you, nobody knows

Even when I see other girls, nobody's like you

I'm sorry for having no courage

You can laugh at me all you want

I'm a loser who loves you

Yes, I'm a misery

To you, I'm a nuisance, I'm an outsider

But in this world, I only need you"

"Don't know why you'd listen to that," Maka murmured. "You're such a cool guy, right?"

Soul couldn't help but feel the sting of it, even if her voice was warbly and barely above a breath.

Another click.

"I won't ever let you go again

I'll hold you, we'll be together forever

I'll cover your beautiful eyes so you won't go anywhere

I'll trap you inside of me"

Say it, Soul wanted to spit out the venom from between his teeth. It's possessive. It's awful. It's too much. That's what it feels like sometimes. Too much. It's selfish.

Instead, in the silence that came with the song cutting off, he got one more click.

"It's the last one."

"After that," he barely squeezed out the words as he pressed his face into her hair, "you gonna leave me alone?"

"If a shadow covers your light

I can't see

I get confused again

It's not like me

But you still smile for me

It's you

Will I be able to protect you?

I'm afraid"

"That was…" Maka forced a long, slow breath. "Soul, it wasn't your nine-hundred-and-third playlist, was it?"

He let out a weak laugh as he started to loosen his hold on her, his hand trying to slip away.

"September third." Maka grabbed his hand on retreat, tangling his fingers with hers. "The day we met, right?"

"Yeah," he muttered.

"And I- I actually have a dimple?"

Soul cleared his throat. "Sorta."

"Sorta," Maka echoed. Suddenly her fingers were clacking on the keyboard, hitting the enter with extra vigor. "I don't have a list, but listen."

"How much time

are you gonna spend worrying? question

I'm preparing to go to war

with the things that bother you, yes sir

My mood changes according to yours

I get so mad when I see you sad

Like a wave crashing on sand, erase it all

Your worries are no more, now only happy days are left"

Maka pushed the laptop forward and out of her hands, the song still trickling along to the chorus as she turned her head over her shoulder. "So, are you going to look at me?"

Soul leaned, letting his eyes meet hers with a searching stare.

"You always protect me." She shook her head softly, tossing his ridiculous worry aside. "And I doubt GOT7 had the kind of protection you offer in mind when they wrote that song." Maka tapped her knuckle below his shoulder where his shirt hid that blaring white scar. "You shouldn't listen to some playlist of boy bands mourning how they can't have the girl they love or they're afraid about treating her right when you do." Green eyes hit his, a plea from them, her soul, and her mouth hitting him in the face, "Tell me you do."

"That I…?"

"Stop worrying, and tell me," Maka murmured, saturated in her own fears even as she was asking him to throw away his.

"It's not just…" He sighed as he flexed his fingers in hers. "It's not just because we're meister and weapon, Maka, it's not-"

"I know," she pressed. "Can you just channel their energy for just one second and be cute and romantic?"

Soul's eyebrows shot up. "But, I-"

"Am bad at this," Maka sighed. "Fine. Soul Evans, if you can't put it into words can you at least-?"

He quickly pressed his lips to her cheek, derailing the rest of her thought entirely. Before his lips had even disengaged, Soul was squeezing his eyes shut, ready for the standard Maka-chop to clobber him into next week. When it didn't come, he knocked his forehead against her shoulder, turning his face to rest it against the warmth of her neck.

Maka reached up awkwardly to run her fingers over his hair, letting out a sweet sigh in the process. "That'll work." She giggled to herself as she reached for the laptop again. "But I want a new playlist. It's better when we make music together, right?"

[foibles-fables]

if you're still up for some director's commentary I'd love some thoughts on I'll Carry You With Me (Just Please Hold On)

oooOOHh we are reaching back into the vaults for this one, and I absolutely adore it.

I'll Carry You With Me (Just Please Hold On) was kind of...the swan song for the previous iteration of my fandom self, I suppose? It was the last Big Thing I wrote before going on a very long hiatus--and to this day it's a ridiculously meaningful piece for me. Mostly because of the weird liminal situation I was in while it was being written: preparing to graduate from high school, experiencing my first CRAZY romantic feelings for another woman, getting ready to say goodbye to the first phase of my life, and just generally feeling like I was at some launching point to something totally unknown. Seeker really moored me throughout that time, and--god, it sounds cheesy--that fandom was instrumental in shaping me into the person I am today.

Does the fic hold up after eleven years, now? I'd like to think so. After all, it spawned a sequel that churned in my head until I finally started writing it last year (thanks to a horrible global pandemic, and Tab and B's instagram live). It's been fascinating to revisit it and see how my writing style has (and has not) changed in the decade between the two installments, during which I wrote nothing but research papers and tiny things for a one-off creative writing college course. I brushed it up minimally when I rescued it from Livejournal to post on AO3 in 2019, but most of what you're reading there is the raw product as presented by baby gay Foibles.

Specific passages I'd like to talk about? Lemme skim it...

Kahlan was starting to fidget in her sleep, legs twitching, hands grasping at the blanket. Tiny noises that might as well have set Cara's heart on fire came from her throat. Her eyes were still closed; her face was contorting in her dream and passing the wayward pine. Fear, happiness, sadness, anger – Cara couldn't tell. She also didn't care. She only knew she wanted to be closer to her.

She tossed a wary glance from side to side and then behind before she realized how idiotic the caution was. Who was going to see her?

So she lay behind Kahlan, drawing near to her, curling against her back. Her knees, bent, fit snugly into the space created by Kahlan's. Cara couldn't stand the way she noticed that the grooves of their bodies matched. Her face was buried in the Mother Confessor's silky hair, and her hand skirted down Kahlan's arm from her shoulder, always touching but never applying waking pressure, if only to prove to herself that she could be that gentle. Her fingers reached Kahlan's wrist, which she held in a loose grasp. Defenses lowered, she felt naked, but wasn't that how this was supposed to be done?

Kahlan responded to this new source of warmth with a contented sigh, dreaming through the contact. Simultaneous shame and jealousy slammed into her. She knew Kahlan wasn't feeling her arms in her dream. She felt empty, selfish, and she was too proud for this, but she also wanted to hold Kahlan too badly to move away. She felt her, breathed her, swore she could taste her.

If this was all she could ever have, she would take it.

But.

"Cara," Kahlan breathed, still existing in a world without any semblance of lucidity, speaking through her dream. Tenderness, gratitude, and affection seeped from the soft exhalation of the name, threatening to drown her. Too much, not enough, all at once.

After the initial wave of disbelief, Cara did not even bother trying to stop the smile from spreading across her face.

HAHAHA, oh okay yes, I wrote this part during my independent study AP Bio class and made myself cry

[gryffindordaughterofathena]

GRATITUDE POST

Thank you for the tag @headoverheelsforramsey and @imaneditorthankyouverymuch this was a nice trip down the memory lane.

When and how Did I discover/read Open Heart for the first time?

Bonus questions: why did I decide to read Open Heart? How long did it take to read everything?

Ans: Okay so this is a bit of a story, back in early 2020 my parents had cut my book consumption because I would read two books at the same time and I went through them terribly fast and neglected my studies. So as a retaliation, I downloaded Choices on my tab and started playing the freshman series (spoiler: I hated it) So I decided to play Desire and Decorum and used Oph for diamond mining. By the time I reached chapter 10, I was in love with not just Ethan but all other characters, but my parents found out about the game and I had to delete it.

Then 4 months later at around July, I got my first phone and downloaded Choices and immediately started Open Heart and went on to the few chapters of book 2 that were already released.

Which book is my favorite and why is it my favorite?

Ans: Book 1 hands down, the plot, the story telling, the cases, the mutual pining and the amazing friend group, what's not to love?

Which chapter is my favorite and why is it my favorite?

Ans: I don't think it's possible to choose just one

Book 1 chapter 10, chapter 15 and 17

Book 2 chapter 11 ( I'll never get over the angst)

Which scene is my favorite and why is it my favorite?

Ans: Watching over little Ethan, I believe that it's the first time Ethan starts seeing MC as something more than just another Intern and also can I dare say that it's a turning point of MC's career as a doctor.

The MIAMI KISS!!!!!!

Book 2 chapter 1 scene in the beer garden where Ethan is like "we have to be professional, consider us reset" It's just so beautiful and painful🥺🥺

ENTIRE CHAPTER 11 PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE but specially:

Bryce and MC putting their hands on the opposite sides of the glass

Ethan and MC in isolation room... THAT KISS

the single tear and MC not knowing whose it is (PLEASE DON'T PLEASE I AM DYING)

the chapter 17 kiss

The lantern lighting in book 3

Andrew the psychic telling Ethan gets 10 times happier when MC enters the room.

HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!

What is my favorite dialogue and why is it my favorite?

Ans: "I can't save every one except the people I give a damn about, not Dolores, not Naveen and not you"

"...... How much I..... I care about you"

"Have you joined a cult?"

Only reason is that I am a simp for this fictional man and I am a hopeless romantic.

Which non-LI character if my favorite and why are they my favorite non-LI character?

Ans: One of my most favorite things about OH is how every character is so likable. It's difficult to choose just one.

Sienna: our dolphin, one of the few people who stood by MC through and through and she's just so sweet.

Kyra: Look, I love her and her indomitable spirit, her portrayal as the girl with cancer and as someone who wants to fight against that very label is just so real and beautiful.... I love her.

Baz, Zaid and Ines: I am putting three of them together because of PB's portrayal of co-workers, they are real, wonderful and beautifully amazing.

Naveen: The best grand-mentor ever and I think the love for him is also because of his Indian background and my connection to it.

Aurora: I saved the best for the last, to be honest I didn't like her much in book 1, but I was always kind to her. Her struggle under Harper's shadow is something I have faced personally and also her journey with MC reminds me of my journey with my best friend, the growth from rivals (in a healthy competition) to friends is deeply personal to me and every time I read about Arora, I remind myself to give her a call so somehow this fictional girl kept me from drifting apart from my best friend in these hard times.

Who are my other favourites?

Ans: Ethan obviously and also Bryce because of his positivity and how he always supports MC and Jackie because it's seldom that we see powerful female character representation in media and she's amazing.

A memory associated with Open Heart that makes/made me smile:

Ans: There are so many of them to be honest. The first time I got a reblogged comment on my first ever fic, I was so happy and I called my best friend and screamed for an hour straight.

Me staying up till late night fangirling with Sara @genevievemd and screaming together about every little scene.

What is the best thing the series has given/giving you?

Ans: It returned me to writing when I had let my insecurities and depression stop me from doing it, I don't think I will ever stop being grateful to Open Heart for this very reason.

Secondly, this fandom, these people who make me laugh, cry and yell at my phone at ungodly times of the night, this little family of crazy people supporting and pushing each other to be the best version of themselves and helping us to learn to love ourselves and what we do, I don't think any amount of words would be enough to express the gratitude.

Tagging : @maurine07 @genevievemd @mm2305 and anyone who'd love to do this.

[lavendertwilight89]

Call you Mine

I told myself I’d do a chapter of Shelter and DDW this weekend... to be fair they each have like 12 pages but... I blame @hnnwnchstr​ and @superpixie42​ for prompting and inspiring a fake dating fic and distracting me. Maybe I’ll make those chapters longer as compensation??

But I also needed to give @willowandfog​ a birthday gift anyway!

Don’t worry I still have a full running tab of every I owe bday gifts for

**cough** @keichanz​ @mamabearcat​ @thunderpot​ @smmahamazing​

Thanks @sapphirestarxx​ for proofing as usual

Here it is posted to AO3

Allllllllsoooooooooo... SMUT

Tag Wall:

@dangerouspompadour @lemonlushff @willowandfog @cstormsinukagblog @littlestuffstohide @clearwillow @ruddcatha​ @hnnwnchstr​ @smmahamazing​ @wolverine1092​ @inuyashaloverforever​ @xfangheartx​ @umacaking​ @bluejay785​  @murdergiraffe​ @superpixie42​ @shnuggletea​ @sistasecbhere​ @nopenname22​ @mcornilliac​ @sapphirestarxx​ @fawn-eyed-girl​ @liz8080 @shinidamachu​

He wasn't really sure what came over him. Typically he was a 'mind your business' kind of guy, let other people resolve their issues on their own.

But he honestly lost his shit when this fucking flea bag wouldn't take no for an answer. She said no thank you, that she was sorry she didn't feel that way, and even lied (which unfortunately if he smelt the lie, so did the wolf) about seeing someone else. To be fair, she tried to justify it was new and they had just met and she was uncomfortable by it all. She was smart. Crafty. And fuck, taking just a look at her face she was pretty fucking cute.

Kikyo had 'bumped' into him in line at the coffee shop and maybe he could blame that. They had just broke up; after dating all through high school and some of college, she was 'bored and wanted to explore other things.’ What she meant was, she wanted to explore other dicks. After their breakup, he saw her on accident in the library and he almost lost his shit. She had made them wait until they were in college because it was such a huge step in their relationship and then after three days of being single probably fucked the whole football team?!?

Ok, he was still angry about it.  Probably wasn't a whole team, but he was still hurt.

Having her chattering his fucking ear off wasn't helping his mood either so he tuned it out only to hear the girl sitting at a two seater booth trying to keep their argument between them.  She wasn't taking it lying down but she was growing anxious. If the wolf could smell it, he clearly didn't care.

"Inuyasha are you listening to me? What do you think?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, Inuyasha! Hehehe, you're so silly; I was saying we should get back together! I mean, as long as you're not seeing anyone, right? I mean, of course you're not! We love each other-- and it was a huge mistake for us to break up!"

Inuyasha did the only thing he could do; well that was a lie, he did something he had never chosen to do before. Honestly,  he'd never really been in this situation before. Kikyo was his first real girlfriend. First love. First… everything. He thought that was it. Then reality struck like the cruel bitch she was and it fell apart. But he got over it. Kinda. He had a soft spot for Kikyo because she was his first everything. She hadn't been looking for love but found it. Then regretted it thinking she missed out on life. Or whatever.

But right there, in that moment he just couldn't roll over. Not without being cursed or something and thank God they were in public because otherwise she just might with what he had decided he was going to do.

He stepped up to the counter and ordered not one but two of his peppermint coffees and paid. He heard Kikyo’s excitement from behind him and almost laughed.

Almost.

Because shit was seriously about to hit the fan.

He grabbed his cups and Kikyo followed, still yammering on and on until he reached the table with the young woman who looked like she was about to start crying she was so pissed.

"Here you go, babe," Inuyasha said as charmingly as he could.

The girl jumped at his presence. Her big brown doe eyes locked with his and for the briefest moment there was confusion. Then understanding. Then a glint of mischief. Oh fuck. He already liked her.

"Thanks honey! You ready to go?" She asked leadingly.

"Yea," he said ignoring the gaping womon behind him to pick up the other woman's coat from her chair and help her put it on.

"Wa-wait! What the fuck?? You were just with her!" The wolf cried angrily.

"If you were paying attention to our conversation then you would know I never answered her.  I was too busy noticing you were trying to pounce on my girl," Inuyasha growled possessively as he wrapped his arm around the girl's shoulder. Fuck. This totally wasn't him.  What was wrong with him? Ugh fuck, she was probably thinking she just traded one asshole for another. Smooth. Wait-- not smooth, this wasn't a real date or anything.  

When she curled herself into his side he was shocked. If he was human,  he'd probably have a heart attack. Fuck, she smelled good. Like amazing. Shit, nope, he needed to focus! This was about getting her away from the wolf and steering off Kikyo’s advances.

"And he is seeing someone," the girl in his embrace directed her answer to Kikyo. "Me. You clearly didn't appreciate what you had and he moved on."

"Uh! Inuyasha!" Kikyo quivered in distress. "Can't we-- talk about this?? Alone?"

"Sorry Kikyo. I have a date."

"This is such a fucking farce! Who even the fuck are you?! You don't smell like her! She didn't even--"

"Firstly, the name is Inuyasha. Secondly, of course I don't. I respect her. She's young and I wouldn't try anything without her permission," he glowered leering at the wolf for even implying he'd fuck this beautiful creature in his arms without courting her properly first. Shit. No. This was a ruse. Fake.

"Koga, I told you I was seeing someone. It's new, and I'm sorry.  I really am; I just--"

"Kagome you said you weren't looking for anything right now! Why him?? He's a fucking mutt!"

Ahhhhhhhh. How he was going to love kicking this guy’s ass.

"Shut up, Koga! Inuyasha has shown me way more respect and kindness within the first five minutes of knowing me rather than the month you have!"

That was a lie. They were likely going on minute six.

"Inuyasha! You can't be serious! She's inexperienced and with the wolf demon! Come on, all we needed was a break! I know you hate waiting for anything, baby," she said leadingly.

Honestly, he wasn't aroused by her insinuations in the slightest. He wasn't a teenager anymore.  Also while Kikyo had been his first and only, the fact she dumped him to go hoe herself out only to crawl back to him was disgusting.

He understood it was likely 'just sex' and just exploration but while Inuyasha was no prize himself due to his demon heritage...still, he had some pride. Also his dog demon nature felt betrayed. Maybe if she caught him on the night of the new moon he would've taken her back. Fuck, maybe if this was done in private, but not when they were in a coffee shop with a beautiful girl being bullied into dating a mangy wolf.

"Actually, I don't mind waiting for her at all. She's rather… special," he said. And he meant it. What the fuck was wrong with his brain?

Either way, the girl called Kagome didn't flinch or change her position. If anything, and it could have just been his imagination, she sank further into his body. It took everything he had not to rumble. His inner demon wanted to fucking purr now?? He needed to talk to Miroku after this. Maybe even his asshat brother. Because maybe they knew what was wrong with him, and just maybe he wouldn’t need to check himself into an inpatient stay until he cleared his head.

“Mutt, get your hands off my woman!”

“He’s not a mutt! His name is Inuyasha!! Say it with me Koga! In-U-Ya-Sha!” She yelled, slightly stepping away from his body to glower at the wolf demon in front him. Fuck. He was officially in love. And he needed to hear her say that  in a slightly more moaning pleading voice. What?? Yea--he needed to check himself into a psych hospital after this.

“He’s a half-breed Kagome. You can do so much better than scraps--” He was cut off by the loud cracking slap across his cheek. Kagome was not standing directly in front of Koga. Totally out of Inuyasha hold. The distance didn’t help his control. Or his head.

All he could think of was pulling her back to him and ravishing her. Shit. He was screwed. He didn’t want to be in another relationship--or at least he didn’t think he did. This was simply to help the girl and to get Kikyo away from him.

Speaking of the other woman, Kikyo was deadly silent. It made him kind of nervous. What was she plotting? She could be a vengeful person  when pissed off. He slowly turned to face her and was met with her glaring at the girl who was currently putting a wolf demon in his place.

“Kikyo?” He asked worriedly.

“You really want to give up everything we have for this child?”

“Don’t be like that Kikyo--we aren’t together.”

“But Inuyasha, I told you; I made a mistake. Please, let’s just go and figure this whole thing out together.”

The two squabbling finally quieted down behind him and he felt a trembling hand on his chest. He looked back and saw Kagome--almost hurt. But why would she be hurt? Maybe she was just a good actress in this situation. Or maybe she was feeling what he was?

No wait, back track, he wasn’t feeling anything for her. He was just crazy. They just met and learned each other’s names from the other people who were fighting for their attention.

“If you want to go back to Kikyo I won’t be upset… We just met and this is all so new. I won’t make you choose if you aren’t ready--”

“You’re gonna let this animal two-time you Kagome?!”

“Koga will you just shut up!” Kagome yelled. “I’m just saying we are just seeing each other and if he wasn’t set on anything then--”

“Nah, I’m set babe. Let’s get outta here,” he smiled cockily and placed his arm back around her shoulder and led her to the door.

They exited unfollowed but he didn’t drop his arm. When they crossed the street back to campus, he then did drop his arm and walk beside her. Fuck. The silence was killing him. Shit. What does someone say in a situation like that?

“Uhm, thank you, Inuyasha. I appreciate what you did. I hope I didn’t ruin anything with your ex.”

“It’s not a problem. I wasn’t about to let the bastard keep harassing you.”

“I can handle myself, thank you.”

“Yea, looked like it,” he smirked.

She looked up at him and giggled. “So, uhm, my name is Kagome.”

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you but--” he paused. Did that shit head actually follow them?? Was he a fucking stalker?

As subtly as he could he stopped and turned her to face him. She blushed madly as he leaned down to press his forehead to hers as he whispered, “This fuckface is pretty set on you for some reason. He’s just a block behind us.”

She swallowed and exhaled slowly. Shit. His dick was twitching. He had problems. He obviously needed to get laid. How could her peppermint coffee breath smell that wonderful and magic to literally send those kind of signals to his cock?

“How--uhm--how far are you willing to take this?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Kagome.”

“Do you mind walking me to my apartment?”

“Nah, that’s fine,” he said softly as the wolf was getting closer. Inuyasha raised his head and kissed the crown of her head. Oh God. He was screwed. Would it be wrong to actually ask out this girl? She was obviously single.

No. No. No… He just got out of a relationship. It’d be dumb to jump right back in. Especially under the pretense this ‘arrangement’ started.

He did notice her sigh as she took his hand and led him towards her apartment. The sigh was… happy. Or at least that’s what he thought it was. But the area her apartment was in was oddly familiar. He’d been here before. Wait a second--

She got her keys out and opened the door then turned to say something when Miroku swung the door open fully.

“Inuyasha!!! What a lovely surprise!”

“Miroku?? You know Inuyasha?” Kagome asked curiously.

“Well of course! He’s my roommate!”

“Wait--you’re--”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Inuyasha groaned. This… this was not happening. This was the girl Miroku had been trying to set him up with. Son of a bitch. The irony of it pissed him off. Almost as much as that goddamn wolf who was still lurking about.

“Get inside,”he pushed Kagome forward past Miroku before shooting him a ‘shut-the-fuck-up’ look.

“What’s wrong??” she asked hurriedly as he closed the door.

“The fucking wolf is still--”

“Oh… he does live in the same complex as us.”

“Koga? He was still bothering you, Kagome?” Miroku's teasing face turned concerned quickly.

“Yes, I was going to get coffee and study when he just showed up at Starbucks again. He wanted to buy me coffee and I made up a lie I was meeting someone--”

“Hence the text Sango and I received, continue,” Miroku explained.

“But he wouldn’t leave well enough alone and then I saw…” she trailed off biting her lip. Oh shit. He needed to bite the lip. FUCK! NO! NO HE DIDN’T!

“A woman was behind Inuyasha--so I didn’t say anything to him at first. Just tried to explain I was busy when he surprised me and brought over a cup of coffee and helped me put my jacket on so we could leave together.” She was omitting the part where he claimed they were seeing each other. Was she embarrassed?? Did she not want to be seen by her friends with a half-demon?

“Oh shit--a woman?? Who?” Miroku smirked.

“Kikyo,” Inuyasha informed dryly.

“Oh reallllllly. And you just--blew her off?”

“I wasn’t about to let the flea bag exploit her.”

“Even if it did ruin your chances at getting back together with the woman you love?” Miroku smirked leadingly. He was going to fucking kill him if he ever returned home.

“Shut up, Miroku.”

“Miroku, I feel bad enough Inuyasha had embarrassed himself by saying he was with me--” Kagome started before Sango emerged from behind her and shoved her.

“What did we talk about Kagome?” Sango said sternly.

“I’m… pretty?”

“And?”

“Any guy would be lucky to have me…” She said it as though there was dirt in her mouth. What the fuck did he walk into?

“That’s right,” Sango nodded her approval. “Hey Yash. What’s up? What did I miss?”

Miroku filled Sango on what was going on as Kagome shrugged out of her coat and downed the rest of her coffee. Inuyasha was drawn to her. Did she put a spell on him? She did exude some reiki--not as much as Kikyo but maybe she had it under more control than his ex.

“That slimy, twisted, asshole--”

“However, it seems Inuyasha acted like they were dating,” he said as he raised his eyebrow. Oh that fucker was sooooooo dead.

“Oh!!! That's wonderful! So we will let you guys get on your date then,” she winked at Kagome who began to protest. Sango obviously didn’t care or wasn’t listening as she tugged Miroku who was smirking at him. Son of a bitch.

Once they were out the door, Kagome exhaled in defeat.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean for them to put you in this situation,” she said quietly.

“You’re the one stuck with a half-breed,” he spat. She flinched. And then he felt like an asshole.

“What?? Don’t call yourself that! There’s nothing wrong with who you are,” she said as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Yea yea, tell that to the rest of the world.”

“The rest of the world doesn’t matter; it only matters what you think. You have friends who seem like they care about you, too. Does it really matter what everyone else thinks?” She asked as she grabbed two bottles of water and proceeded to stroll over to the couch and sit down.

He just realized he was still awkwardly standing in her entry way when she motioned for him to join her. Taking his coat off, he hung it next to hers and then slowly approached her couch. He sat on the other side to give her some space.

Her eyes looked disappointed as she handed him a water. Why? Or was he imagining it? Or did he wish to honestly see that? Son of a bitch.

“So… did you want to watch tv?” She asked awkwardly.

“That’s fine,” he agreed, trying to break the tension.

She handed him the remote which surprised him. It was her house and he was the one who was kind of imposing. Or at least that’s how he felt. He turned on a movie. Of course it was The Proposal. Of fucking course it was a fake engagement movie.

“So… uhm…” she stammered biting her lip. Damnit she needed to stop doing that before he lost control and tasted the fucking thing himself.

He also noted to himself that he was going to find a girl. That night. Because this intense desire and crazy amount of longing for intimacy was pushing him to the brink of insanity.

“What?” He bit out harshly. Much harsher than he intended but he was fucking frustrated at this point. Her scent was covering him. Her presence was domineering. He needed to take a minute. Swallow his pride. Call his goddamn brother.

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk,” she mumbled. Andddddddd now she was crying. He was an asshole. Before he could stop himself, he reached over and grabbed her chin to make her look at him. And then he nuzzled her cheek.

What. Was. He. Doing?!?!? Why was his demon half so--so-- Yea he needed to call Sesshomaru.

“Inuyasha?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just-- do you mind if I make a call really quick? I need to check in with someone,” he said in anonymity. She didn’t need to know he was calling a jackass to ask why he was going crazy.

“Oh my gosh! Did you have to cancel plans because of me?! I’m so sorry! Please, feel free to use my bedroom, bathroom wherever!”

“Keh, no, no, it isn’t a big deal. I’ll just be a second. I’m going outside real quick. I was gonna test something with that wolf anyway,” he said, pulling his face back from her cheek which was now a dusty rose. He bet it would look even better with sweat dripping from it and her eyes half glazed over from lust---and for fuck’s sake!!!!

He leapt over the couch in an instant and opened and closed the door to the porch without further explanation. Grabbing his cellphone out of his pocket he quickly dialed Sesshomaru’s number and sat on the railing to the little deck they had outside of their apartment. He took in the scents and realized the wolf was likely inside still. He was waiting for his prey to exit the apartment. Or rather, for him to leave.

“Takahashi.”

“For fuck’s sake do you not look at the caller ID?”

“Greetings, little brother. What can I assist you with today?”

“You sound chipper.”

“It’s because you’re on speaker and he knows he needs to be nice in front of your nephew,” a feminie voice chimed in.

“Hey Rin,” Inuyasha smirked.

“Hello brother! We miss you! Don’t we, Sesshomaru?”

“What is it you need, little brother? We are a little busy.”

“With my new nephew? I’m sure the brat has you running all over the place.”

“Indeed; he is crawling and finding his way into everything in sight,” Sesshomaru admitted begrudgingly.

“Touga!!! No!!” He heard Rin yell before stammering steps along with a very mischievous giggle. Little monster was definitely giving them trouble. He reminded himself to buy him a very nice Christmas gift.

“Like that for instance…” Sesshomaru sighed.

“You obviously wanted this. You can smell when Rin is in heat,” Inuyasha added.

“Yes, yes, now again, what do you need, Inuyasha?”

“How… how did you know Rin was your mate?”

“The fact you ask that question tells me you met yours.”

“Or I’ve just gone crazy, you jackass.”

“I can assure you that is what it is like,” Sesshomaru said.

“Look, I’m not even sure how to approach this--”

“You dated that miserable woman for quite a few years and you are informing me you have no idea how to court a woman?”

“Shut up asshole. Not like that-- I mean-- We just met. She had a wolf demon trying to hit on her and I acted instinctively and pretended we were dating. And now I’m at her place.”

“Awwww, what a fun story,” Rin chimed in.

“Not really. How do you go from fake dating to actually dating?”

“Tell her she’s your--”

“Rin. I did not tell you that you were mine.”

“Well yea, but I knew. You hated everyone except me.” Inuyasha could literally hear the twinkle in her eyes. And he completely agreed. The asshole hated everyone and everything until she came along and softened up his heart. It was obvious.

“I advise you to get to know her--allow her to get to know you. Actually ask her out,” Sesshomaru replied evenly.

“That’s a good idea too,” Rin cheered.

“Sess… uhm… what about us--”

“TOUGA NO!!!!” Rin cried.

“You have a moment now brother for your sexual question.”

“You already know it, so spill. What the fuck do I do? I can’t stop thinking about her!”

“Practice your self control. Touching her will help alleviate some of your pull towards her. I advise you not to be around her during the full moon. Unless you’ve made progress in the next week that is.”

“I can literally hear your smirk,” Inuyasha groaned.

“Sesshomaru?? Are you teasing him??” Rin questioned returning to the phone.

“Yea, punish him,” Inuyasha grinned.

“Mmmmm, maybe I will,” Rin replied happily.

“Ew. Goodbye. Thanks asshat. Thank you Rin.”

“Take care Inu!” Rin responded before the phone hung up.

Inuyasha sighed. At least he got some answers. Some advice. He could use it. Now he needed to change the fake dating to… real dating. But was he really ready for that? He was doing some really weird, shit he had never done when he was with Kikyo.

He never let himself use his demonic instincts with her. It wasn't that she hadn’t realized he was a half demon like he could actually hide that tidbit. But he could tell she didn’t like his claws, she never touched his ears, and she did not like him biting her, let alone licking her. He originally thought maybe that was why she wanted to explore; the fact their sex was rather… vanilla. But he had thought that was what she wanted since she deterred anything else.

Now his instincts were all over the fucking place. One thing was clear though; he needed to be around this girl.

Returning inside he saw her biting the fucking lip again until she turned to meet him and smiled softly.

“Everything okay?”

“Yea, I was just talking to my brother, his wife, and their pup.”

“Oh that’s so nice. I’m sorry if I made you cancel those plans,” she apologized.

“Nah, they have their hands full. Pup’s learning to crawl. Amongst other things,” he smirked remembering the loud crash that played over the phone along with Sesshomaru’s exasperation.

“Oh, that’s nice.”

“So… tell me about yourself.” Smooth. Real smooth.

“Oh--uhm--... well this is my first year here. Dorms were full when I finally picked a school but luckily they were okay with me rooming with Sango in her apartment.”

“Couldn't’ decide where to go?”

“Honestly I was avoiding the guy I had been seeing in high school.”

“What’s with you and guys not taking no for an answer?”

“Hahaha, you got me,” she laughed nervously. “But he finally picked and so I picked here. Thankfully I really wanted to come here anyway since Sango was here.”

“What’s your major?”

“Education--I want to be a elementary school teacher. I love kids.”

His inner demon was probably going to explode. Swallowing he shifted on the couch so his leg lightly touched her own. That bastard was right; it did help a little bit.

“That’s uh--cool.”

“What about you?”

“Engineering. I like to use my hands and shit. Not so good with the words and stuff.”

“Hahaha, you seem to be doing okay to me,” she smiled brightly. Damn. She was fucking goregous.

“Yea, it’s not an all the time thing so don’t get used to it.”

“What?” Oh fuck. Yea, shouldn’t have said that. Point proven. Dumb dog not good with words.

“I meant if you, ya know, wanna keep this going so the wolf doesn’t keep trying shit on ya,” he explained blushing.

“O-oh, but… You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to put you out or anything. I know you just broke up with Kikyo. Miroku told me a little about everything… I’m sure you want to go sow some wild oats or whatever.” Nope just yours. Damnit.

“Nah; I’m not that type of guy. What about you? Would I be holding you back from anything?”

“Oh no. I uh--” her blush was so distracting. So beautiful. So hot. “I wasn’t sure I was ready for all that. I’ve only dated one guy and he was… uh-- gosh this sounds so mean but boring. He was so nice, and attentive and just a great guy but there was no--SPARK!”

“Huh. Sorry to hear that,” he mumbled as he actually wasn’t that sorry. It gave him the opportunity to woo her. Okay, he needed to not talk or hang out with Miroku anymore.

“Alright; sounds like we’re stuck with each other.”

“You don't need to say it like that. Honestly, I appreciate your help but--”

“Do you not want to be seen with me?”

“What?!? That’s not it at all! I figured after dating someone as gorgeous and beautiful as Kikyo you’d be bored with someone as blah as me! E-Even if we’re not actually dating. You know what I mean.”

“Trust me. You’re an upgrade. You have five times the personality as she does. Also, not to be crude, but ten times the body.”

He smirked at her hot and heavy flush and… oh fuck. The scent of her cinnamon spicy arousal was just almost too much for him to bear. He had to think. Quickly. He stretched his arm over the back of the couch and kissed her forehead.

“But this isn’t--” Fuck he couldn’t even say it wasn’t real because to him it was. “We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But we have plenty of excuses to see each other. Sorry I’ve made you the third wheel with horny and the princess.”

“It’s fine. I understand--Miroku said Kikyo was very important to you but you’d come around,” she said as she twirled her hair nervously.

"What else he tell ya?"

"Nothing." That was far too quick an answer.

"Try again; I smell lies just as well as the flea bag downstairs."

"Just that… Oh Gods you're going to kill him."

"Already on my to do list."

"Just you're a big puppy and he'd think we'd be good friends. We’d be good for each other, ya know? Both kinda fresh out of breakups and, yea..." Yep. He was dead. D.E.A.D.

"He's not wrong but neither are you.  He is dead. The moment he walks into our apartment again."

"So… we're gonna just uhh, keep fake dating?"

"Sure. Get to know each other.  Maybe even branch into actually being friends. Who knows, where it could lead." He hadn’t meant to say that.  Damnit.

"I uh, I'd like that," she admitted.

His heart stopped. She would like that? Really? This beautiful feisty little kitten would wanna go out with him? He looked down at her and she was smiling nervously with that damn bottom lip in-between her teeth. He bet his cock would look just as good as--

Nope. Not yet.

XxxxxxxxxxxxX

It'd been a good couple of weeks. The farce was well taken by everyone.  No one batted an eye. Well, no one but Kikyo and Koga.

Inuyasha had taken to walking Kagome to and from classes. They still stopped and got coffee, usually getting it to go since the wolf was present--waiting. They often ended up watching movies after their day was done at her place. Studied at the library together. They went out to dinner here and there but usually ate at home with their friends.

Even though it looked like to others it was going fast, it was oddly perfect to them. Even if it wasn't all true.

But in the weeks they had shared together, he learned almost everything he could about her. While she was content with companionable silence, she also was not one to hide anything. He learned about her family, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, history with men in general. He still hadn’t really figured out why she was so self-conscious but she stopped that around him.

He definitely classified them as friends at that point. He also honestly considered them dating. Even though maybe she didn’t. He was too afraid to ask. Especially when things were going so well.

She never seemed bothered by the intimacy--even behind closed doors. He always had his arm around her shoulders, their legs close and brushing against each other. He often kissed her lightly on the crown of her head, temple, sometimes even got ballsy enough to kiss her cheek. She has reciprocated a couple times out in public, but there was what was confusing. Why not when they were alone? Or at least correct him? But what was odd was the fact she sank into his chest as he held her shoulders, twirled his hair in her fingers, and when he did kiss her on the cheek, she’d smiled this beautiful nervous grin. Like he had told her he loved her.

Which he hadn’t. Not yet. But fuck, he did.

And it was crazy.

Another week passed, their routine remained the same. But he knew he was forgetting something…

They were out for a stroll after their dinner at a casual restaurant. She had decided on burgers and fries. Her go-to meal before a stressful exam or presentation. He already knew she’d regret it later and curl into his side moaning about how her stomach hurt. Yea, he didn’t like she put herself through that but fuck, if he didn’t love being the one to comfort her.

The sun was just setting when he felt it. He stopped mid stride by the fountain in the park. She glanced at him, still holding his hand and looked worried.

“Inuyasha?”

“Damnit, I completely forgot…”

“What’s wrong???”

“You’ll see in a second,” he grimaced. He felt his aura drain, his ears shift down, his claws and fangs shorten, even his hair tingled as it turned midnight black while the sun disappeared. He opened his now-violet eyes and saw Kagome gape at him fearfully.

She released his hand and went right for the ears--fuck they were just as sensitive in this form as his other. “Oh my Gods!! Are you alright?!? What happened??? Did I purify you??”

“Relax Kagome, this happens every new moon. I just forgot tonight was that time in the lunar cycle. You keep me so distracted.”

“Oh Gods… I’m so sorry,” she said, tearing up.

“What?? What's wrong??”

“I-I-I messed up your schedule.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” he said brushing his hands against her eyes, catching her tears. “I love spending time with you.” Oh fuck. He forgot his mouth ran away with him while he was human. Stupid human emotions.

“Y-You do?”

“Of course, you idiot. Why on earth would I be with you night and day if I didn’t?”

“I-I mean--” she looked nervous.

“Yea?” He pressed.

“O-Our arrangement.”

“You really think--”

“I knew you were faking everything,” a voice came from behind them. Inuyasha turned and pushed Kagome behind him.

“Kikyo, what are you doing here?” He asked, less than pleased by her appearance. Not that she really altered his feelings about Kagome. No, if anything it oddly made them so much clearer. He had originally thought if he was human it would have jumbled things up, but it only made his feelings for Kagome clearer.

“I wanted to see if I could talk to you after you dropped her off this evening.”

“Have you been following us?” Kagome asked, slightly horrified.

“Of course I have you stupid girl. He’s my boyfriend. I needed to make sure he didn’t cheat on me.”

Kagome tried to distance herself from him but he wouldn’t let her. He gripped tightly onto her hip and growled slightly.

“Inuyasha,” Kikyo said warningly.

“No Kikyo. We broke up. Correction: you broke up with me. I moved on. I’m sorry you think we are still together for some odd delusional reason but even though I’m human tonight that doesn’t mean that you’ll persuade me into getting back together with you. I’m with Kagome. End of story.”

“I overheard your conversation, Inuyasha. You have an ‘arrangement’.”

“One of which we are dating. So mind your own business,” he glowered.

“Inuyasha--” Kagome started before Inuyasha turned to face her.

“Let’s go,” he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

“Inuyasha! Another step and we are completely through! I will forgive this act but if you leave--”

“Don’t forgive me then. Kagome’s friendship is more important than a fake relationship with you.”

They walked in silence back to Kagome’s place until they got to her door. She dug in her bag for her keys and she was trembling. What could she be upset about?

“What’s wrong Kagome?” He asked, stilling her shaking hands with his own.

“I--I never wanted you to have to choose.”

“Yea well, she did. Even then though, it was you. Your friendship has meant more to me than our relationship ever has…”

“You’re being… really honest. Open. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yea, just human,” he snorted.

“What does that mean?” She asked as she finally unlocked the door leading the way into her apartment.

“It means my emotions are freer now. That I say more shit without thinking-- actually that part is no different. It just means shit I usually hide or am reluctant to share often comes up like word vomit now.”

“Oh,” she pondered. “Would it be mean if we played twenty questions then?”

That beautiful smirk she gave lit up his heart. And cock. Wait--he was human. He could control this better now. Sort of. Maybe. Damnit. Humans were hornier than demons. But he wasn’t compelled… Damnit would he ever not be screwed?

“It would but I won’t be opposed if it’ll make you happy.”

“Do… you mean that?”

“Question 1--yes. I do.”

“Hahaha, okay,” she laughed bouncing down on the couch. “Question 2-- why do you wanna make me happy?”

“Uhm…” he blushed hotly. “Because you’re my fr-friend.”

“Why’d you stutter?”

“That counts--because you are my friend. It makes me nervous to admit that.”

“Why?”

“You would ask all the why questions… Because it means you’re important to me.”

It was her turn to flush when she pried again, “Why does that make you nervous though?”

“It means I could lose you,” he confessed.

“I’m not Kikyo though… You won’t lose me,” she said breathily. Oh fuck she was right there in front of him.

“Not now, but eventually. Demons have different life spans.”

“What do you mean?”

“We live longer, don’t get sick, all that stuff…”

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-six--I was born this century. My father though, he was centuries old before he died.”

“How’d he die?”

“Freak priestess accident. My mother never really talked about it. I never asked about it.”

“What about your mother?”

“She died of cancer.”

“She--she didn’t take your father’s lifespan?”

“Are you asking if they mated?”

“Uhm, if that’s what it’s called?”

“She did--that’s why she got cancer and died early. Or at least that’s what the doctors said.”

Her tears hurt him. He didn’t want her pity. “Hey, don’t cry--”

“I’m sorry, I just-- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know and--”

“Shhhh,” he said, pulling her into a full embrace. She buried her head into his sweater and just cried. She was just crying for him. There was no pity. It was like she was shedding the tears he never allowed himself to cry. Her empathy held no bounds. He was so screwed. The love he held for her only grew that night.

Especially when she fell asleep in his arms and he carried her to bed. She muttered his name so softly and whined at the loss of his contact. He leaned down to kiss her forehead just before her eyes opened tentatively. He almost missed it; but he saw those beautiful carmel eyes flutter right before they squeezed shut again. If he had his demon sense he would have been able to see it better. To hear her heart rate and breathing. To be able to just confess.

But it was the new moon and he was still a coward. He didn’t want to hear the potential no in her answer about actually dating. The fluster from her about being his mate.

Smiling, he pressed his lips to forehead like he had planned. Then he did the only thing he was brave enough to do at the moment-- he lightly pressed his lips to hers and then quickly left the room before she could reveal to him she was awake.

He was so fucked.

XxxxxxxxxxxX

It was a couple days after that he ended up meeting Kagome at the coffee shop because he had a final that ran longer than he originally thought. He immediately regretted it having smelt the wolf the moment he opened the coffee house door.

Kagome locked eyes with him from their booth and smiled brightly. She waved him over happily. He almost forgot Koga was there--sitting in his spot across from her. He was fucking livid.

“Inuyasha! How’d your final go?” She asked as if Koga was not just sitting there glaring at him.

“Fine,” he clipped. Her brown eyes blinked at him and she tilted her head in confusion from his shortness.

“Here--I got your favorite,” she proceeded pushing his cup to him as she scooted in the booth. Making room for him. He smirked. Show time.

“Thanks babe,” he said sitting next to her wrapping his arm around her. As she turned back to look at Koga he got cocky. He wanted the wolf to know his place in Kagome’s life. Just a friend. Inuyasha was her man. Even if it wasn’t completely official yet. But Koga didn’t need to know that tidbit.

He grabbed her chin and initially she looked confused. Then understanding dawned on her as he lowered his mouth to hers. He saw her eyes widen before they fell to half-mast before he closed his and kissed her. Whoa. He thought her breath was enticing but fuck. She tasted like cherry candy. It took everything not to swipe his tongue along that lip of hers… EVERYTHING.

Pulling back he heard the tiniest whimper of disappointment from her, making him grin all the more. When she opened her glazed over eyes, she stared at him like she was begging him for more. The clearing of a throat across from them broke the spell and while he growled in annoyance she flushed from embarrassment. She proceeded to press her head into his chest, which he didn’t complain about in the slightest. Though he could see the anger and jealousy rolling off Koga in waves.

The conversation was obviously shortened with his presence but Kagome in no way shape or form felt uncomfortable. If anything, it was the opposite. She was beyond comfortable. The happiness she exuded rolled off of her in waves. He could tell the wolf wasn’t exactly excited about it either. But he didn’t say anything. They merely talked about their classes. What they were doing during their winter break. So on and so forth.

On their walk back to her place, he noticed she was biting her lip. More than usual. He wasn’t really sure why. When they finally got there, she invited him like usual and then disrobed her coat and made her way to the couch. She paused and turned to face him as he turned around from taking off his jacket.

“What’s up?” He asked, finally getting slightly irritated from the aura she was exuding.

“Uh--can I ask you something?”

“Yea?”

“It’s about… us.”

“Uh huh… well, spill then.”

“Do… do you like me?”

“What kind of dumb question is that? Of course I like you. We’re friends.” That was probably an asshole answer but it answered the question in the vagueness he needed to convey. He didn’t want to freak her out--it has been maybe a month. He didn’t know he had been in love with Kikyo for a year. Yea, mates were different but shit--she was still human.

“That’s not--ugh! That’s not exactly what I meant. I meant do you like me?”

“Why are you asking me that?”

“I just don’t want to misread things,” she admitted.

“What would you be misreading?”

“Inuyasha you’ve kissed me twice now! I just--I want to know! Do. You. Like. ME?!”

“So you were awake!!”

“You knew?!?”

“Yea!! You slammed your eyes closed so quick and hard I was expecting you to have fucking whiplash!”

“And you kissed me anyway?!! Why!?!”

“Are you that fucking stupid!?” He questioned stepping towards her until they were maybe a foot apart.

“I just want to know!!! I don’t want to be heartbroken because you don’t love me like I love you!!!” Her eyes widened and she muttered, “Shit.” She turned around and tried to walk away but he grabbed her and swung her back around.

“You’re an idiot,” he smirked down at her blanched face.

“Excuse me?!”

“I thought I was being obvious--at least for me! Do you think I go around walking with my arm slung domestically on any girl? Do you think I kiss anyone on the crown of their head? Do you think I kiss anyone??? Does that sound anything like me at all? Use your fucking head.”

“Inuyasha--stop dodging the question!!!’

“Fine I fucking love you too! I was drawn to you the moment I saw you in the coffee shop and smelt your distress. Wanna know why??? Because you’re my fucking mate! But you’re a human! I didn’t want to freak you out, scare you away, and ruin my only chance with you. That’s why I went along with the fake dating, that’s why I wanted to get to know you, and fuck it’s the main reason I can’t seem to not fucking want to touch you!!! Happy now?!?!”

She grabbed his tendrils and pulled his face down to hers; she kissed the absolute fuck outta him. Holy. Shit. She actually made the move. She was kissing him. And by Gods was it the best damn kiss he ever had.

He felt her tongue press demandingly against his lips and he eagerly let her in. She roamed his mouth and it took all he had not to slam her against the wall and rut the shit outta her. Especially when she moaned when she stroked his fang. Her extra spicy scent came alive and she was clinging to him like a freakin’ spider monkey. Her hands were wrapped around his neck, woven in his hair, and her thick perfect muscular thighs were entangled in his own legs. He should slow this down right? Give her an option. Because anything further he won’t be able to stop. His cock was already pressing into her abdomen--soon to be her sex if she continued to try and climb him like a fucking tree. Not that he minded. It was hotter than the seventh hell.

He pushed her away and whimpered. WHIMPERED. What was she doing to him??

“Kagome--we don’t have to--”

“Shut up please--I’ve wanted you from day 1. But originally this was-- well I actually don’t know what it was because clearly it wasn’t fake. Even though it was. I don’t know. But for the love of God pleaseeeeeeee stop talking and being rational for---however long it takes to have sex and just--”

He interrupted her by slamming his mouth back into hers and swallowed her loud moan. Lifting her up with ease, his cock aligned with her clit. His hips were thrusting into hers. She was grinding into him. Fuck. It was like he was a goddamn virgin all over again. He thought he was going to blow his load right then.

But the last thing he needed to do was fuck her right here on the couch. No--Miroku and Sango would be back for dinner probably within the next hour. If it was gonna happen, they needed to get to her bedroom. That way, he could try to keep her quiet until dinner was fully cooked as he ravished her beautiful body for the next couple of hours.

She was a virgin. She deserved the fucking best.

He carried her to the bedroom and slowly lowered her onto the bed, following so their bodies never lost contact. His mouth devoured her in a way he had never kissed anyone before. He was nipping her, suckling her, shit. She really didn’t care that he was a half demon.

That’s when it dawned on him where her crafty little hands were headed. The moment he felt her dainty soft fingers caress his ears. That's when the rumble came. He was fucking blissed out. If he could, he’d lay here all night. Fuck dinner. Fuck sleep. Fuck anything that had literally nothing to do with them not touching.

Her giggle brought him back to consciousness.

“Too good?” She purred. Goddamn. She should be against the law. She was too much.

“Fuck--you’re never gonna leave this bed.”

“Mmmmm, good. I don’t want to if that means you’ll stay here.”

“Deal,” he said, diving back on her. He took his mouth and moved it down her jaw. Then her neck, then--oh shit they still had clothes on. That could be easily fixed. “Do you like this shirt?”

“Huh?” Oh good--at least he had the same intoxicating effect on her as she did on him.

“Shirt--do you like it?”

“I’m confused by the question,” she admitted pressing his face back into the junction between her neck and shoulder. Keh. That was all he really needed for an answer. His claws ripped through her shirt and his hands immediately began kneading and tugging on her breasts.

“Ahhhhhh, Inu---Gods,” she wailed.

“Like that Ka-Go-Me?”

“Yesssss,” she whined writhing beneath him. Her hips were stick bucking up against his. He knew what she needed. His ears stood at attention as his hand dipped between them and his fingers sunk into her moist folds.

Her breath hitched as she whined pitifully as he toyed with her clit. He pinched, circle, kneaded, and pressed hard seeing what action would push her over the edge. The mixture of the moments seemed to be doing it though--she was panting. Between her nipple being squeezed, her neck being ravished by his teeth and tongue, and her nub being stimulated she was lost to the world around her.

“Cum for me, Kagome,” he demanded softly into her ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and yanking softly.

Her cry was fucking magical. Musical. She should be a goddamn singer. Shit. They needed to get rid of some clothing. Scratch that; they needed to get rid of all their clothing. He toyed with her a little more until she fully came back and was kissing his cheek. He withdrew his hand and toyed with the button on her jeans. She helped him by taking over and unbuttoning. He finished unzipping and pushed them down with her help as she arched off the bed. If that was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

He undid his own pants as he sat up slowly, pulling away from her wandering hands. He was shocked when he pulled his shirt over his head and saw her sitting there with him. Her hands refused to cease their movements as she traced the lines of his abs. He groaned but wanted her to explore. Trying to remain still, he realized her breasts were still encased in her bra.

“Do you like that bra?” He smirked cheekily.

“It’s a set--I’ll take it off,” she huffed, annoyed that she was going to have to stop her ministrations. He chuckled and set forth taking off his jeans and boxers by rising from the bed. Her eyes were like saucers as she stared at his twitching cock.

“Like what you see?” he asked, trying to break the tension. She didn’t answer. Was she scared? Turned off? He was pretty sure he looked normal…

She startled him when she was on the edge of her bed and slowly extended her hand to stroke him. He flinched initially which made her retract her hand. Shaking off his shock, he pulled her hand back to touch him. OH fuck. Had he ever had sex? Did he dream about losing his virginity?? Fuck her hand was amazing. He was nervous now to enter her. Maybe he should let her get round one out of the way first. Honestly he definitely should be getting round two started for her to make sure she was wet enough to enter her without totally hurting her.

Her hand continued its work until suddenly he felt it encased with wet fucking heat. Her mouth. Her mouth was on his goddamn fucking dick. Holy Gods. Shit. Fuck. Don’t stop. Wait--did he say that out loud? Likely not coherently. It probably was a gurgling sound mixed with her name. Maybe even syllables. He wasn’t sure. Nothing was actually processing that well when her fucking tongue was swirling around his tip and licking off the pre-cum that leaked out.

He needed to focus. He didn’t want her to choke on his cock. Even though her little breathy wet sounds on were literally killing him, he honestly didn’t want to hurt her or make her gag. He needed to control himself and NOT thrust. Nope. Self-control. Self--

Her teeth were scrapping him. Oh for fuck’s sake. He tapped her and muttered cuming. Or at least he thought that’s what he said. It could have been that he was a cat. That perfect little mouth, her slender tiny hands that were cupping his balls were making him forget his damn name.

She hummed and that officially did him in. He exploded in her mouth, his hands threaded through her hair, and he gently pushed himself back and forth in his mouth as she drank him in. All of him. And that was fucking hot enough to keep him hard.

But he needed to take care of her next. He officially owed her like ten orgasms. Because that was his best one he had ever fucking had.

Oh, and the little crafty little vixen looked up at him with eyes so full of mayhem then licked her lips. Yea, nope, he had to wipe that little smirk off her mouth.

He pushed her back onto her back on the bed and then took her underwear by the sides and slid them down her legs. Once they were fully down, he began kissing up her calves, licking and nipping her thighs until he laid between them and pulled them up over her shoulders.

“Please, Inuyasha,” she begged.

“Only because you said please,” he replied before licking between her folds. She cried out blissfully. Gods, she was so sensitive. He was loving it. To be fair, she made him melt like butter in heat too. Maybe that was the power of mateship.

He used his tongue to penetrate her first making her whimper and arch off the back. Barely holding in his laugh, he held her hip firmly in one hand. His other hand took his tongue’s place as he shifted to circle her jewel. He inserted one finger first, then two, then finally three until she was pulsing around him. Her whimpers, whines, groans, begging kept him almost unbearably hard. He found himself grinding himself into her mattress for some relief. Once she came he was going to fuck her. He had to. Well, after he asked her--one last time.

Speaking the action into life, she came with a scream of his name. Fucking. Music. To. His. Ears. He maintained contact with his fingers as he slunk his way back up to her mouth and kissed her back to life.

Once she was responding and humming her approval, he retracted his finger and paused in his actions.

“Are you sure about this Kagome?”

“Inuyasha please, I need you. I want you so badly it hurts,” she pleaded.

“This isn’t--”

“Oh my God why am I begging you to have sex with me???” She was actually crying. He needed to calm her down. Jesus Christ.

“Hey hey, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me--I want to. Fuck do I want you, Kagome. You’re perfect. I just didn’t want to rush you--this--I know how this shit started. I just didn’t wanna put you out.”

“We love each other right??”

“I mean--yes--”

“Then how are we rushing,” she breathed, kissing him gently. That kiss was all the encouragement he needed. He lined up to her entrance and slowly poked to make sure she was serious. That she wouldn’t stop him. If anything, he felt her try to edge downward to take him in making him chuckle.

He finally snapped his hips forward and destroyed her hyman. After swallowing her gasp and cry, he removed his mouth and roamed her face kissing her cheeks, temples, forehead and then laved her tears that spilled from her eyes.

She finally twisted, albeit a little awkwardly, as if she was trying to get used to the feeling of being so full of him, and then groaned. Yep. Nope. He couldn’t control the buck he sent back in reply even if he wanted to. Her moan of reply was enough to make him keep going.

Her hot little body responded to every thrust he gave her with her own. He began picking up pace and he was shocked she was able to keep up with him. But her whimpers told him it wasn’t enough. He had never tried this, but, then again, he was doing a lot of things with Kagome he had never tried before.

He moved his hands that had been cradling her face to her thighs and lifted her ass off the mattress and sat up. Her answering wail and hands clenching onto his arms were enough to keep him going. He felt her walls tightening on his hard cock that was thrusting in and out of her tight area. Watching what he was doing to her was almost too much--but she was close. Luckily, he had large enough hands where he merely had to just adjust to use one of his thumbs while keeping a tight grip on her hips to press against her swollen overly sensitive and excited nub. Two strokes was all it took until her walls were clamping down on him and her voice was being sung to the neighbors upstairs and downstairs of her apartment.

He moved one arm to swing around her back so she sitting atop him as he kept fucking her. He buried his head into her neck and groaned.

“Kagome--I’m gonna--”

“Come for me,” she panted.

“I’m gonna mark you--” he gritted out of his elongated fangs. His only response was a moan as she shifted to tilt her bare open neck towards his mouth. Fuck. Did he mention she was absolutely in every way shape and form perfect?

He clamped down on her neck and drove himself into her one final time before he came inside her. When he finally came down from his orgasm, he realized her mark had been cleaned and shown like the demonic markings he had on his cheeks.

“Kagome?”

“Hmmm?” she hummed happily stroking his cheek to bring his face to hers.

“Are you okay?”

“Mhmmmm,” she purred, kissing him. Fuck. He was perfectly screwed.

They spent the next hour strengthening their newly formed bond. He kept trying to swallow her groans, moans, wails, whatever she gave but he began failing because she brought out his own.

They finally emerged for dinner with a very brightly blushing Sango and a wickedly smirking Miroku. Kagome was bashful but Inuyasha only expelled confidence and pride. At dinner, they chatted, confirmed what they had done, and decided a celebration was in order.

What started out as a charade, ended with the most real thing Inuyasha had ever felt in his life. Kagome. The most perfect woman he could have ever had the pleasure of calling his.  

[fictionalthrill]

The Uncertainty of it All

A Steve Rogers Fan Fiction.

A/N: So, where to begin? Well, of course I want to thank @dreamwritesimagines​ for tagging me in their 10k Followers Challenge! It means a lot to me that you still have me on your forever list and that you stringed me along for this. It had been a while since I had written anything and I wanted so bad to make a return. So, what better way to do so than with this wonderful challenge?!Now, I have to confess, I did not plan on writing so much. I actually saw this as something minimal, yet I somehow managed to make it over 5000 words. Like, what? This was never the plan! In fact, if you look at anything I have written previously, I don’t think I’ve ever written something over 5000 words, so this is an incredible milestone. Also, this is nowhere near done. This fic is most likely going to be a two or three part story. Yup, you read that right. The story is only beginning and it is coming soon. The continuation is already in progress and I will notify you all when the next part comes up, which shouldn’t be long from when this is posted (Sep. 15, 2020).

Again, Dream, many thanks and I appreciate the invitation. I hope this does not disappoint. As I read over it I almost did not post it because I am like that. I nearly restarted it, but I decided to just roll with it this time. So there. Finally, I want to thank those who take their time to read this. To Dream’s followers: Greetings Earthlings! Welcome and thanks for the support. To my own followers: Greetings and Thanks for sticking around. Sorry for not being so active. All of that will change now. I hope y’all like this and stay around for more. And to new readers: Greetings as well. I hope you like what you read. Maybe you’ll like it enough to join the ever expanding Tumblr fan fic community. Until then, I’ll see you all on the interweb!

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Intro: This story takes place mostly after the accords and during the events leading up to Endgame. This is only the first part of the story. It is a Steve Rogers Fic. I do want to mention that Peggy is in no way included in this story, as I don’t think it would be cool to have the reader insert to feel like there is a competition or something between them and Peggy. Also, I didn’t want to alter that love story because it was too great, even though I am somewhat doing that anyways… Also, the very end of Endgame will be changed in some way because of this. I just wanted to let you all know.

Steve Rogers Imagine/ Steve Rogers x Female!Reader IMAGES NOT MINE

Summary: As a result of the accords, Y/N felt it was best to take a step back from the Avengers and go her own way. In turn, her decision affected her relationship with her older brother Tony. However, her relationship with Steve, wasn’t so much affected, only left uncertain. At the same time, an even bigger threat is making its way towards Earth— Thanos. And regardless of their differences, it is forcing everyone to come together.

Sometime after the Accords…

      With your back leaning against a wall, you survey the perimeter. The lamp posts shine, bringing into view the entire street. There is no one around, and the only noise you hear is coming from a nearby bar. You have to do it now. You raise the scarf around your neck up to your nose and slowly drift towards the car. It is just the right one to get you across the border. It’s enough to keep a low profile. Once you’re out, you’ll drop it off somewhere and notify the authorities so that it can be recovered. Easy. No muss, no fuss.

      You stand next to the door and take one final look around before you get to work. With your set, you pick on the lock, waiting to hear the click. When it finally comes, you pop the door open. Half your body inside, you begin to pull the door towards you, but it’s held back. A hand latches on to the top of the frame, keeping you from closing it. Instantly, you take a jab at the person’s gut. Hopping out of the car, you kick their side, and aim your elbow at their face. But before they can bite the blow, they stop your forearm from getting too close. Your eyes meet the ones of the figure towering over you, and you find yourself devoured by a wave of the lightest of blues. You can recognize those eyes anywhere.

      “You’re getting sloppy.”

      “More like comfortable,” you say through your face cover. “Then again, didn’t know I had to keep an eye over my shoulder for you…”

      He lets go of your forearm and takes a step back. You check your surroundings. “You brought company?”

      “No need for it.”

      You shut the car door behind you. “What are you doing here, Steve?”

      “I was in the area.”

      “Sorry to say I don’t believe that.”

      “Any specific reason why you don’t?” he asks.

      You cross your arms. “Because I picked this place knowing very well you were nowhere near here.”

      “You’re keeping tabs on me.”

      You shrug. “You… and Romanoff, Wilson, Maximoff…”

      “Well it is only right I do the same.”

      “Right… that still doesn’t tell me what you’re doing here.”

      “How about you tell me what you are doing in a city like this trying to steal a car like that.” He points at the car behind you.

      “You’re the one with the info, why don’t you tell me?”

      “I can tell you I know why you’re staying close to New York.”

      “You weren’t stringing too far either.”

      “Been keeping an eye on you.”

      “Come on, Steve. Don’t act like your reason to stay close to New York isn’t the same as mine.”

      “For my team it is,” he pauses, “for me, it isn’t.”

      You swallow after his words. You want to pretend like you didn’t just hear that, but you did, and you know what he means by it. Lost in thought, you almost don’t notice him getting closer. Your back hits the side of the car, the cold seeping through your top. Your eyes watch him as he slowly raises his hand near your face, and grabs on to the face cover you forgot you had on. Gently, he tugs at it, exposing your face completely for only him to see.  

      “You and I both know you don’t need that,” he whispers with the hint of a smirk lying on his lips. His hand rests on your cheek. His warmth blending easily with the heat coursing through your body. Your hand reaches up and grabs a hold of his wrist.

      “What are you doing here, Steve?”

      “I had to see you.”

      “Steve, it’s not safe for you to be doing this.”

      “I know… but so far, it’s been worth it.”

      “You’re not thinking straight.”

      He raises his other hand to cup your other cheek. “I think I am.”

      Suddenly, a door slams open. A group of people stumble out of a bar. The noise rips you two apart. Steve takes a step back and drops his hands at his side. He bows his head to avoid being seen, while you look the other way with the same intention. The group’s laughter dies out as they walk in the opposite direction. He watches as they get further and further.

      “Like I said,” your voice grabs his attention, “it’s not safe. You never know.”

      “It’s fine, trust me. I made sure it was safe. And, if it’s safe for me it is safe for you too. But what I don’t get is why you’re acting like a fugitive.”

      “I’m not.”

      He gives you look.

      “What’s your point?” you ask.

      “My point is, last I checked they are after me, not you,” he pauses for a moment, “why aren’t you in New York, Y/N?”

      “Might I remind you who helped you break out your band of misfits from that prison?” you say, “You don’t think I’d be in the slightest bit of trouble for that?”

      “I haven’t forgotten, nor will I. But I also haven’t forgotten how we made sure there was no trace of your involvement.”

      “Come on, Steve. These people are very well aware of who broke into that place, as well as who had a hand in disabling those cells.”

      He stands there and studies your face, searching for some kind of explanation. You know you can’t lie. The way he is looking at you tells you he’ll pick up on any lie you say to him. You sigh. “After everything that happened with Tony during and after the accords, I assumed… I just assumed he wouldn’t want to see me, Steve. Not after what I did.”

      “Y/N, believe when I tell you Tony is in no way holding your decision against you. If there’s someone he is unhappy with, it’s me.”

      “Steve-”

      “Y/N, trust me.”

      “You don’t think he’s hurt that his own sister refused to sign those accords?”

      Steve stares at you intently. He takes in your every feature.

      “He thought I never signed them because of you. He believed I chose you over him.”

      “But I know you didn’t.”

      “Do you?”

      “I know you had your reasons, but I wasn’t one of them.”

      “Sorry to disappoint you.”

      Steve chuckles. “You could never disappoint me.”

      “Are you sure about that?”

      “Positive.”

      A silence stretches between you two. Neither of you says another word. Finally, you break the silence.

      “I think I should go,” you say. You open the car door but his words hold you for a moment.

      “Where will you go?”

      “If I tell you I won’t have you looking for me,” you say as you hop inside the car, “and where is the fun in that?”

      Steve smiles. “One last thing, why are you stealing a car?”

      “Stealing? Who said anything about stealing? If I’m doing anything its borrowing. I think you taught me that.”

      “I did, didn’t I?” he pauses. “Go see Tony, Y/N. Talk to him.”

      “I’ll see you around, Captain.”

--

Years later. The day Thanos’s army arrives.

      It’s been a while since you last saw Steve. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t miss him. You did. You do. And right now, you could really use his support and his encouraging words. But he is not here, so you are on your own in this one. All you have are the last words he said to you, haunting you like crazy. Go see Tony… Talk to him…

      Damn him. Damn him and his ability to be right whenever he opens his mouth. His words continue to gnaw at you, now even more so when you stand just a few feet away from Tony. You’re pretty sure he has no clue you are there. You hope he doesn’t.

      You watch him as he talks to Pepper. They look so happy. Tony actually looks happy. You never thought Pepper would be the one for him, but you’re glad that she is. You stop and wonder if you will ever have that… if you’ll ever be that happy.

      You snap back to reality the moment you see Tony step through a portal with Bruce and some other guy. You run in an attempt to reach them before it disappears, but you are too late. You only make it to Pepper’s side.

      “Pepper, what happened? Where’s Tony going?”

      “Y/N?” She gives you a quick hug and steps back. “Oh my God, you’re here! Where have you been? We’ve been worried,” she says.

      “I’ve been around. Where is Tony going Pepper?”

      “I- I- I don’t know. Bruce just appeared out of thin air with some man in a cape and he left with them.”

      “Do you know why?”

      “I don’t. It all just happened so fast.”

      “Alright. I’m gonna-”

      Your words are cut short when you notice a giant contraption suddenly appear in the sky. You hear people run and scream as it descends lower and lower. You have no idea what it could possibly be, but you figure it’s the reason why Tony left through that portal in the first place.

      “Pepper, you need to get out of here. Call someone, call anyone, call Happy! Get him here now and have him get you out of here, okay?”

      “What about you?”

      “I’m going to find Tony and see what all this is about.”

      “Do you have gear for this?”

      “I wasn’t really expecting something happening today, so no.”

      “Then just come with me, Y/N. It’s most likely not safe.”

      “It is definitely not safe, Pepper. But I can’t just leave. Please, get somewhere safe and let me know as soon as you can.”

      “Be careful, Y/N.”

      “I will.”

      You begin to run in the direction of the flying contraption, searching for shortcuts as you go. The streets are chaos and getting through is impossible.

      “Out of the way! Move! Out of the way!” you yell as you push through the madness. You turn on a curb and see Tony in the distance, shedding away some restraints. Once he is free, he looks at Bruce and the man next to him, and ascends in his suit towards the ship.

      “Tony! Tony wait!” You yell as you run, but you know it is no use. You don’t make it in time.

      Bruce reaches your side. “Y/N?” he says.

      “Banner, what is Tony doing? Where is he going?”

      “He’s gonna try and get Strange out of that thing. You got a suit like Tony’s?”

      “No.” Your eyes land on a man standing near Bruce.

      “Uh, this is Wong. He’s with Strange.”

      “Hi,” you say to Wong. He nods in response. You step away for a moment, dialing for Pepper on phone.

      “What are you doing?” Bruce asks.

      “I gotta make a call. I need to talk to Pepper,” you say. “She needs to know.”

      When you step away, you don’t notice Bruce bending down and collecting a flip phone from the ground. Behind him, Wong makes a portal and steps through it.

      “Where you going?” Bruce asks Wong.

      “The Time Stone’s been taken. The Sanctum remains unguarded. What will you do?” Wong says.

      “I’m gonna make a call.”

      At his response, Wong closes the portal, leaving you and Bruce in the middle of the disaster.

      “Okay, we need to go, now!” you say.

      “Where?”

      “The Avengers Facility upstate. I believe Rhodey’s already there. Come on, let’s go.”

      “Okay.”

--

Later that day; The Avengers Facility.

            “So that’s what Tony meant by the Avengers being broken up,” Bruce says.

      “Yeah. And that’s not even the half of it. There’s still a lot we need to get you up to speed with.”

      “And what happened between you and Tony?”

      “What do you mean?”

      “Well, I don’t know. It seems like everyone else had a role in this issue except for you.”

      “I…” you start, “I never signed the accords.”

      “So you sided with Steve.”

      “This wasn’t about sides. However, Tony managed to make it about that. Every single one of us had a choice to make, a path to follow. I, like Steve and Wanda and Sam, saw the other side of the coin when we said no. I knew very well what these accords would mean to the UN and the officials. Nothing good was to come from their involvement in the decisions the Avengers made as a team. Tony and I didn’t agree on that part and that’s what created the conflict.”

      “I see.”

      “What do you think you would have done if you were here?”

      “I don’t know. I probably would have signed.”

      “Of course. Anyhow, right now, the main priority is trying to get this Thanos guy before he gets his hands on those stones.”

      You and Bruce continue to work while Rhodey handles his meeting with the secretary and other officials in the other room. Focused on the task at hand, you become unaware of the Quinjet’s arrival, and the teams entrance into Rhodes’s meeting. You almost miss Bruce drifting off to the other room, but you don’t follow him.

      He jumps right into the conversation between Rhodes and the team. “Uh, I think you look great.”

      At his words, everyone turns, practically in shock to see him. “Uh…” he chuckles. “Yeah, I’m back.”

      Natasha takes in his presence. “Hi, Bruce.”

      The two stand a few feet apart, just staring at each other.

      “Nat,” Bruce says. She smiles.

      Just then you come into the room, your focus entirely on a pad you have been using to search and gather information. You don’t tear your eyes from it until you reach Bruce’s side.

      “Bruce, do you know if-” your words are cut when you notice the rest of the team standing in the room. You see Wanda and Sam, who help keep up an injured Vision. You also see Nat, with shorter blond hair. And then your sight lands right on Steve. His hair is a bit longer and he’s grown a beard. He looks so different. The image you had in your mind did not match the image of the man standing before you today.

      “Steve,” is all you say. The rest of the team watches you and Steve. No one speaks, until Sam, of course.

      “This is awkward,” Sam says.

      Oh, and it was. For a bit. After that you all moved to another room to discuss Thanos and come up with a plan to stop him. You were laying low while everyone came together, mostly to bring Bruce up to speed. He was surprised to learn there was an Ant-Man and a Spiderman. Throughout the meet, every so often Steve would sneak a look at you. When he spoke to Bruce, he was never told you were there. He expected he’d be the one to call you, but he obviously didn’t need to.

      As the gang discusses the stone, Bruce explains that there has to be a way to remove it from Vision, without causing his physical form any harm.

      “Can we do that?” Natasha asks.

      “Not me, not here,” Bruce replies.

      “Well, you better find someone and somewhere fast,” Rhodes says. “Ross isn’t just gonna let you guys have your old rooms back.”

      You glance at Steve who is deep in thought until his eyes meet yours. You can tell by the look on his face he has the same idea. You know exactly where to go.

      “I know somewhere,” he says.

Moments later…

            After Steve shares the details of where they can all go to work and prepare for Thanos, the team is packing whatever they need to leave for Wakanda. Everyone heads their own way to grab their suits, you included.

      In your quarters, you change into your tactical gear, leaving aside the nanotech suit Tony actually bothered to create for you. Like Natasha, you too have your own set of skills. While you have the brains similar to Tony, you never followed in the steps of your father. You instead took a bigger role in the field as opposed to one behind the scenes. You were and continue to be very hands on. Not long after Loki’s attack you became a part of SHIELD, and served as a part of Steve’s team, as well as Natasha’s, under Fury’s orders, of course. That was until the truth of SHIELD was unearthed and everything changed. With Hill, you joined your brother and assumed a split role as a scientist and one of the world’s defenders .

      Tony was more than happy to have you by his side. When things changed for him, he changed, and so did your relationship. But that wasn’t the only relationship that blossomed. So did your relationship with Steve. Somehow, between your time at SHIELD and your time slowly becoming part of the Avengers, something happened. You two were close. Not as close as some believed­— neither of you really acted on your feelings. But there were feelings. There still are feelings.

      You scan the case with the suit Tony created for you. It has your name on it and everything. Maybe he planned to surprise you. Maybe he waited for you to come by. Though you appreciate his work, you were never one for the suit. Personally, you don’t like to depend on it. Sure, you played around with every suit he’s ever made you. And you love him for always thinking of you when creating a new model. But, the suit isn’t you, and you like being you. Either way, he made it for you. Yet, right now, you aren’t exactly sure you deserve it.

      “What’s in the case?” Steve says as he enters the room. In all honesty, you were not expecting him any time soon. But then again, the soldier is full of surprises.

      “A, uh, a suit. The latest one Tony made for me.”

      “I see. Something wrong with it?”

      “No.”

      “Then, what’s-”

      “I don’t think I deserve it.”

      “Why not?”

      “You know why. Besides Tony, you are the only other person to know me sufficiently enough to know why.”

      “I guess I don’t understand why you continue to punish yourself.”

      “Because right now my brother is somewhere off in space fighting God knows what and I’m not there. And why? Because I was too damn stupid to come and see him sooner.”

      “You’re not stupid, Y/N.”

      “I’m not? Cause I sure feel stupid. God! I should have just signed those damn accords!”

      “You and I both know that wouldn’t have made a difference. You wouldn’t have been happy.”

      “What and you think I feel happy now? Do you think that at any point during or after the accords I have actually been happy?”

      “Look, Y/N, I get it-”

      “No you don’t get it,” you say, “Where were you?”

      “Edinburgh.”

      “Edinburgh? Okay.”

      “We had to move around. New York, let alone the US, was too big of a risk. We had no choice but to leave.”

      “Thanks for the postcard.”

      “I couldn’t just tell you. You know it wouldn’t have been safe.”

      “You could have at least told me you were leaving.”

       “It just happened.”

      “How did you even get here? How did you find out?”

      “Luckily, Bruce called.”

      “Luckily, Bruce called? Really?”

      “Well, I didn’t see you dialing for help any time soon.”

      “Oh please, had you’d been here from the beginning we wouldn’t have been in this mess in the first place.”

      “That’s not fair.”

      “Fair? None of this has been fair, Steve,” you pause. “I thought Loki was it, but this guy, this Thanos… he could be the end of all of us.” You shake your head. “We should have been there, Steve. And not just today, but from the start.”

      Steve sighs. “We couldn’t have known.”

      “No, but we should’ve listened to Tony. He warned us something like this would come and we didn’t listen.”

      Steve takes a step closer to you.

      “He counted on us and we weren’t there,” you continue. “And now what? Where do we go from here?”

      “We go to Wakanda, we remove the stone from Vision, and we fight.”

      “What about Tony?”

      “Tony will find his way to us. Believe me. You know the type of person he is. He always finds his way back.”

      “What if this time is different?”

      “It won’t be.”

      “Why did you leave without telling me? Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”

      Steve walks over until he stands before you. He places a light hand on your cheek. “You and I both know you wouldn’t have come.”

      “You don’t know that.”

      “Would you have come if I had asked?”

      You just stare into his eyes, not uttering a word.

      “I didn’t ask because I was saving myself from the rejection.”

      You chuckle, but a tear slides down your cheek. “I’m sorry.”

      Steve shakes his head and brushes the tear away with his thumb. “Don’t apologize. None of this is your fault.”

      “God…” You rest your forehead on his chest. “I should have come to him sooner. I should have listened to you.”

      “Hey,” he says. You raise your head up at him. “None of this is on you. Tony will be alright. He’ll find his way back.”

      You take a deep breath. “I know. You’re right. You always are.”

      “Not always.”

      “Most of the time.”

      “Yeah.” You drop your head on his chest again.

      Steve lays his chin on top of your head. For a moment, its just you two. You both just stand there, comfortable with the closeness and silence.

      A set of footsteps grow close but neither of you pay mind to them. Sam stops at the door and lightly knocks. Both of you breakaway, but not with a sense of urgency. You simply do to give Sam the attention.

      “Sorry to interrupt,” Sam says.

      “No, it’s fine.”

      “It’s alright, Sam,” Steve says. “Everything in order?”

      “Yeah, everyone’s ready.”

      “We’ll meet you there,” Steve says. Sam nods and he walks away leaving you two alone again.

      “We should go,” you say.

      “Yeah.” He brushes a lock of hair from your face. “You okay?”

      “Of course. You?”

      “I’m okay as long as you are.”

      You smile, but not genuinely. There isn’t exactly happiness behind it. “Let’s go.”

--

      You and the rest of the present Avengers sit in the room after the meeting with the secretary. The Accords are… well they’ve managed to split the room. At the moment, Sam and Rhodey are going at it. Rhodey is clearly in favor, while Sam is not. They both stand behind Steve, who closely examines the Accords. You watch him, and you’re pretty sure he’s not on board.

            Vision cuts off Sam and Rhodey’s argument with an assessment of his own. He believes that, while it is not the Avenger’s fault that so much catastrophe has impacted the world, the existence of the group is a “causality.”

            “Boom,” says Rhodey.

            Beside him, Sam stands with arms crossed. He sends a look of disapproval at his response.

      “Tony,” Natasha says, “You’re being uncharacteristically non-hyperverbal.”

            “It’s because he’s already made up his mind,” Steve says.

            “Boy, you know me so well,” Tony replies and he stands up, walking away from the group.

      “No,” you jump in, “I know you so well, but he’s not wrong, isn’t he?”

            “Actually, I’m nursing an electromagnetic headache. That’s what’s going on, Cap. Sis. It’s just pain. It’s discomfort.” He approaches the kitchen sink, grabs a coffee mug, and reaches inside the sink. “Who’s putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

      You all just watch him as he speaks. He then places a pad on a basket on top of a counter and it displays the picture of a young man.

            “Oh, that’s Charles Spencer, by the way. He’s a great kid.”

            You sneak a glance at Steve. He may not know where this is going, but you do. Tony’s behavior right now, is only a result of guilt. He’s displeased; he feels that he’s failed.

            “Computer engineering degree, three-point-six GPA, had a floor-level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul… before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn’t want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn’t go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where. Sokovia.”

      You drop your head. There it is.

      “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won’t know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.” He takes a pill and sets the mug down. “There’s no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I’m game. If we can’t accept limitations, if we’re boundary-less, we’re no better than the bad guys.”

      “Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don’t give up,” Steve says.

            “Who said we’re giving up?”

            “We are if we’re not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame.”

            “Sorry, Steve. That-” Rhodey says, “That is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we’re talking about. It’s not the World Security Council, it’s not SHIELD, it’s not HYDRA.”

            “No, but it’s run by people with agendas, and agendas change.”

      “That’s good. That’s why I’m here,” Tony jumps in as he walks up to the group, “When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands… I shut it down and stopped manufacturing.”

            “Yes, but you saw the truth after the fact, Tony,” you say, “I told you once that what was being done with the company was not right. I even expressed my distaste of Obadiah Stane and you kept him on until you saw him rocking your first prototype. Plus, you can’t compare your position in a private company with the position each of these people hold in the UN.”

      “Who’s comparing? I’m not comparing, but by my example you can tell how it works. I kept the company in check, sis.”

            “Tony, you chose to do that,” Steve says. “If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go and they don’t let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

      “If we don’t do this now, it’s gonna be done to us later. That’s the fact. That won’t be pretty.”

      “You’re saying they’ll come for me,” Wanda says.

            “We would protect you,” Vision states.

            “Maybe Tony’s right,” Natasha suddenly speaks. Tony turns to her. He’s in a bit of a shock. She continues, “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off-”

            “Aren’t you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?” Sam says.

            “I’m just… reading the terrain. We have made some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back.”

      “Focus up. I’m sorry. Did I just mishear you or did you agree with me?”

            “Oh, I want to take it back now.”

            “No, no, no, you can’t retract it. Okay. Case closed. I win.”

      “I’m gonna look this over.” Steve says as he stands up and walks away, leaving the room.

            “Great. So we’re done here,” Tony says. The majority exchange glances and one by one start leaving. Vision accompanies Wanda, while Rhodey and Sam share a look then walk in opposite directions.

            “You alright?” Natasha asks you.

            “Just peachy,” you answer. Your eyes are fixed on Tony who is in the kitchen again.

            Natasha notices you looking at him. “Alright well, I’ll be around if you need me.”

            You nod and wait until she leaves the room. Once it is just you and Tony, you are ready to let it all out.

            “Are you pleased with yourself?” you ask him.

            “Currently? Very.”

            “You really don’t get what these accords will do to the Avengers— what it’s already doing.”

      “We need to be kept in check!”

            “You keep saying that but fail to understand what comes with signing our names away!”

      “This has been long overdue, sis.”

      “How can you say that? When the government wanted your suits, you actually made a whole spectacle about it and said no. Now all of a sudden you want to cooperate and follow orders?”

      “Look at everything that’s come since then.”

      “Tony, we didn’t have control over any of that. Even now without the UN’s influence, we don’t have control over whoever decides to wake up one day and wreck havoc on the world. I mean, you heard Steve-”

            “Oh, don’t even get me started on that. You can’t help but be on his side.”

      “No, it’s not about that! This is not about sides. Do you not understand how this panel can make a decision for us that we don’t agree with? Their agendas can change.”

            “And there she goes again ladies and gents, she quotes the Cap’n now,” Tony says while extending his arms.

            “You are making my argument something that it isn’t. This isn’t about him.”

              “Isn’t it? You are taking his side over mine.”

            “This isn’t about fucking sides, Tony!”

            “But it is. Right now, that’s what this is coming to. You are either on his side or mine, and you’ve clearly chosen your side.”

            “I don’t understand how me disagreeing with you has become about sides.”

      “Because of your feelings for him.”

            “Tony, you’re my brother, if this was about feelings I could have easily agreed with you because we’re family. But that’s not what any of this is about.”

            “Look me in the eye and tell me that your feelings for him aren’t influencing your decision right now.”

            “Fuck you, Tony. How dare you?”

            “So you don’t have feelings for him now? Come on, sis. Your feelings for him have been blossoming since Loki’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

      You stare at him. Quiet, trying your best to contain yourself.

      “Tell me. Are there no feelings for the Cap’n?”

            “Fine, yes. You want the truth? I have feelings for Steve. But the fact that you believe that it is in some way influencing me right now is just childish and beneath you. What? Do I not have my own mind? Do I not have my own voice? Am I not capable of voicing my own beliefs? Yes, I agree with Steve and what he said, but that’s just it.”

            “Okay, so no feelings. I’m sorry. But Y/N, come on, how can you not see this is the best thing for the Avengers?”

            “And how can you not see it’s not? Tony, had the Avengers never existed, where do you think civilization would be right now? I don’t want to say that they owe us their lives, but the fact that we’ve taken action is what’s kept them here another day. And it wasn’t because we were told to do it, it was because we felt we had the responsibility and we followed our guts.”

            Tony just shakes his head. You take a step closer to him.

            “Tony, we can’t just put our decision making and our actions in the hands of people who have their own agendas. Who knows what they could use us for. What if this agreement leads us to form part of something we don’t want to be a part of? What then? You are literally the face for just acting most of the time instead of thinking. You sign this, that’s gonna change.”

            “I’m fine with that.”

            “Are you?”

            “The Avengers need to be administered.”

            You scoff. “Administered? You mean controlled, overseen, dominated, contained,” you pause. “You know who’ll have it the worst of all? Wanda. She’s only starting to learn to grasp her powers and what happened with her was an accident. What do you think they’ll do with her? She’s already afraid as it is. We can’t sign this, Tony.”

            “I can’t not do that.”

            “And I can’t sign them.”

            “Then I guess we’re done here.”

              You nod. “I guess we are.”

--

Later that day you pack some of your things into a bag after deciding it was best to leave. You won’t be a part of this and lurking around the facility was not going to do much for you. As you leave your quarters, you run into Steve.

            “Y/N, hey-” He notices the bag in your hand. “You’re leaving?”

            “Uh, yeah. I think it’s best I don’t stick around for any of this.”

            “Are you and Tony alright?”

            “No. And I don’t know when we’ll ever be. In the time that I knew our Dad, he always said Tony and I were going to be different in many ways. Guess this is one of those ways. We just don’t… we don’t see eye to eye.”

      “I’m sorry.”

            “Why? It’s not your fault.”

            “But I know he thinks it is.”

            “What do you-”

            “I didn’t hear the entire discussion, but I heard some of it.”

            You go stiff. If he heard some of it, you can only assume… “You heard what I told him.”

            “I didn’t mean to.”

            “But you did.”

      “I just-”

            “Please, don’t say anything, Steve.”

            “I don’t I need to say anything, Y/N,” he says. “I know the timing isn’t right, but you should know by now how I feel about you.”

            “Am I supposed to think you feel the same way.”

      Steve takes your free hand in his. “I’m not good at this.”

            “I’ve noticed. But it’s still working.”

            “I-”

            “Hey, Cap,” Sam interrupts him.

            You sigh and drop Steve’s hand from yours. “Oh, Sam. Your timing is impeccable.” You chuckle.

            “I’m sorry, guys. I could leave and come back.”

            “No. I’m about to leave, it’s fine.” At this point, there’s no need to hide it or play it off. Sam’s seen you two. He knows. You place a light hand on Steve’s cheek. “I’m gonna go.” You smile at him.  

            “You shouldn’t have to,” Steve says.

            “I do. Trust me. It’s best if I’m out of here. I’ll see you guys.” You say and leave the boys behind. “Call me if you need anything.”

            You walk through the halls of the facility until you make it to one of the exits. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Tony watching you. You toss him a quick glance and then you finally leave the facility.

[nellasbookplanet]

Was tagged by @saturdaysky for this fic ask game. Thanks, this was fun!

Answers are going to be under the cut bc I naturally got a little rambly

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 2! I'm pretty much unable to write shorter works/oneshots, so I don't make a lot of stuff but I do make them long.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

210 852 as of this moment.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I was going to say two (critical role and the 2012 teenage mutant ninja turtle show back in my midteens) but then I had the horrifying realization that I did indeed write Starshine Legacy fanfic when I was, like, eleven. I didn't even know fanfic was a thing back then. I just liked the games and I liked writing so I combined the two.

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Only two fics to rank (those early works are on other platforms), but:

The Worlds Between Us with 401

Among the Nein with 361

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I tried with Among the Nein and like the first chapter of Worldhoppers, but it got a little overwhelming after a while. Communication is hard, you know, and I ended up spending a disproportionally large amount of time trying to figure out how to reply and still ended up going just "thanks for commenting :D" most of the time. I'll probably reply to the comments of the last chapter for Worldhoppers when it’s eventually posted though.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I tend toward happy endings, actually! And of my 2 critrole fics only one is finished so far, so hard question to answer.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I mean, Among the Nein is a critrole among us au, that probably counts as a pretty crazy crossover? I also played with the idea of a critrole taz balance crossover (even started writing it, featuring Kravitz coming to reap an amnesiac tiefling who refused to die) but ended up discarding the idea.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I did get a negative comment on one of my tmnt fics back in the day. Funnily enough, I didn’t realize its meaning at the time, as it used an english expression I hadn’t heard before. To me it was jibberish, which really is what that commenter deserved (I did eventually look up the meaning and get a bit upset, but not very much)

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do not, and doubt I'll ever feel comfortable doing so. I'll probably be skirting the edges of it with later chapters of Worldhoppers, though.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Also nope.

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

It tends to fluctuate depending on whatever story I'm currently fixated on. Zutara has a special place in my heart however, seeing as it's the first ship I remember shipping. At the moment it's probably shadowgast (surprising no one).

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Thinks wistfully about that critrole taz crossover.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Definitely world building! I adore world building, be it fantasy or sci fi. I also think I'm fairly good at writing distinct characters and character interactions. (According to comments/reviews I'm also good at writing funny things, which I find continuously odd since I rarely aim to be funny in my writing and my jokes irl tend to fall flat).

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I can get really rambly and preachy, lol. 

I’m also hindered a bit by the fact that I’m constantly mentally stuck somewhere between English and Swedish. I always keep google translate open in a tab to hop between the two for when I can only figure out a word in one of the languages, and an English synonym site since my vocabulary isn’t quite as varied as most native speakers (I tend to fixate on certain words and overuse them). I still probably fuck up grammar and expressions a lot more than I’m aware of, and I know I mix American/British spelling (why are they different?? it’s the same language??) so I’m kind viewing this whole fanfic thing as practice in case I ever want to write seriously in English.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Don't like it as a rule, but sometimes I can’t help it bc languages are fun when you know them (irritates the hell out of me when I read something and suddenly there are whole phrases I don’t understand, though. At least add a dictionary or something at the end!).

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Starshine Legacy spooky horse games featuring talking horses, girls with super powers, and an alien kraken locked up under the sea back in elementary school. It was the first full story I ever finished! It was written entirely in Swedish and posted on a forum. (fun fact: one of the readers suggested I also post on a fanfic site and linked me to ao3. I checked it out and came out disappointed that everything there was written in English).

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Most of the time my favorite is whatever I'm working on at the moment, so right now it's Worldhoppers.

[envythepalmtree]

@that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick asked:

FFWF! What's a fic you had to do research for? Did you find the research interesting or were you annoyed at the interruption to the writing process?

SORRY I FORGOT ABOUT THIS

(She sent this through dm when I was on break and had my ask box closed. Then I came back and opened about it and did not answer it ahsjdhdjfh)

I can’t think of a fic (or any prose project I’ve done for that matter) where I haven’t googled random shit for accuracy purposes. Lol. But I will take this opportunity to ramble.

For All in a night's work does bugging people who can legally get drunk count as research? I did have a ton of tabs open about bars and alchohol because I knew nothing. And now I know things! It was fairly interesting. I probably could've BSed it because it was just supposed to be a crack fic, but hey, accuracy is good.

For so I throw stones at walls I'll never climb I spent way too long looking at timelines of Amestris's history and trying to figure out which ones were canon. Just for the little flashbacks. It's important because the homunculi were very involved in Amestrian history!!

But anyway. I also needed to name things after things!! The Clara Mendelssohn Memorial Building is named after Clara Schumann, a famous German pianist, and Fanny Mendelssohn, another famous German pianist. Oh, and she had a brother Felix Mendelssohn who's probably the one you've actually heard of. (If you were ever into classical music, I guess). "Seversky" comes from a WW2 plane. You know how Arakawa got a lot of her names from WW2 planes? Like Mustang, Grumman, Armstrong, etc were all planes? It was kind of annoying to try and find one that 1) sounded like a name and 2) wasn't already taken by a different FMA character. Lol.

And Bernhard Rothmann was a real guy! He was a leader for religious reform in Münster (which is now in Germany). He helped lead the Münster rebellion and died.

To answer your question, all of those things were interesting if tedious to research.

Additionally! The Dandelion Cafe is named that because 1) it sounds kinda cool 2) I was thinking about dandelion tea and 3) The Dandelion Dynasty Series by Ken Liu is SO FUCKING GOOD y'all need to go read it!! I loved his translations of Chinese novels to English and damn his original books are good too.

I also researched how to act like an eight year old, despite being a former eight year old myself. And googled wonderful questions such as "what does it feel like to stick your hand in fire." Google, very surprisingly, did not give me a direct answer, but it did tell me what it's like to feel your skin burning which was helpful.

Also!! The Wikipedia page for Dante's Purgatorio was my friend!! I had to reference the Envy terrace because obvious reasons!!

[shootingsun]

There was a prompt knock at the door of Félix's guest room in the manor. Kali disappeared almost instantly to hide from the person about to enter the room. "Come in!" He called for the person at his door. Nathalie entered the room and looked around, seemingly searching for… something.

She's looking for me. Kali whispered into his ear.

"Your uncle desires to see you in his study soon." She deadpanned. Félix liked Nathalie, she was a decent person - although he still believed she was an idiot for putting up with Public Enemy Number 1, Gabriel Agreste.

As much as he despised his presence, there was something about the whole, "I tricked you into shaking my hand so I could steal these really cool rings that ended up being magical jewellery!" thing that was supposed to be just a fun little way to mess with him - it wasn't supposed to cause any more harm to their already unstable relationship.

That is, until now.

"Greetings, Félix." Said the designer, putting his arms behind his back. Because, being related is no exception to being professional at all times.

"Hello Uncle, you wanted to see me?" 

"There's something I've been meaning to discuss with you for quite some time now. I assume you must already know what that is, correct?"

Ohshitohshitohshit! Quick, play dumb!

"I'm afraid not Uncle, I would be delighted if you were to enlighten me." He lied, internally screaming.

"Hmm. Well then, I'm sure you recall your visit a while back. Your mother has so kindly asked me to hand over the rings that seemed to belong to her family. Does that ring a bell?" He smirked. 

That absolute bastard. Nobody talked about Félix's Mother in a passive aggressive manner!

Except for you, Kali reminded him. 

"Yes Uncle, I do seem to remember that." He commented, rolling his eyes.

"A couple hours after you left, I couldn't find the ring anywhere in the mansion. I'm not accusing you of thievery, really - I just want to clear matters up."

"But Uncle, I seem to recall you having a ring on when Mother and I came to stay because of her production." He had, of course, stolen that ring too. He was petty like that, and they were his after all.

"True indeed. Coincidentally I lost that one too afterwards, which brings me to this point - may I check your hand to make sure of something?"

Ha, jokes on him, they weren't on his hand, he was smarter than that, they were hidden in a custom made pocket in his jacket, and that would be incredibly invasive for him to pull Felix's jacket off and search it without consent wouldn't it? 

As expected, Gabriel didn't find anything. Then again, he's the same person who's been keeping tabs on two literal minors and still didn't succeed at stealing jewellery from them. Whatever Félix did was probably karma for all that. Either way, the topic at hand was another set of rings. And had he thrown a temper tantrum, it would've made him look especially bad in front of his mother. Oh, and his own kid too but, whatever, right? 

"This is a one time offer, Félix. Hand over the rings, or I may take them myself. I have my very own ways to do so." He scoffed. "My patience has a limit."

And suddenly, Félix felt fear.

Fear that didn't come from him, it that came from…

Kali?

no, No, No… No, NO, NO!! Not AGAIN. I DON'T WANNA LEAVE! HE CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE!

Kali, calm down!

Her emotions were like a flood, there was fear, then sadness, then anger and fear again. She had to calm herself down before they had a panic attack. How to get out of this situation…? He couldn't think straight, his breathing was sharp and shallow, mimicking his Kwami's.

Oh God..  this wasn't gonna end well was it? 

This was it…

"Gabriel? I've been looking all over for you!" His Mother flounced into the room, thank god. He decided then and there that he would never make another sarcastic comment about her again.

"What is it this time?" He asked, slightly irritated.

"Gabriel, you know you always have a 2 o'clock meeting! Nathalie wanted to remind you, but the poor woman's having another dizzy spell and so I insisted I would come and get you instead!" She beamed passive aggressively, an art of which Amelie Graham de Vanily was well versed in. 

It was moments like this that made Gabriel want to punch his in-laws - and it was moments like this that reminded Félix how much he absolutely loved his mother. She was always there, just on time. 

Thank goodness for that. 

His Uncle looked down. Then he glared at his nephew, and he sighed. "Thanks for the reminder, I'll be going soon." Is what he said, but what he really meant was, "This isn't over yet!" And Félix knew.

He stumbled out of the study, breathing wildly, attempting to block out his Kwamis pained screams. He slammed the door to the guest room closed and slumped into a chair.

Kali it's okay! 

NO IT'S NOT! HE WANTS TO HURT US!

MAKE HIM STOP! MAKE HIM STOP! 

Kali we're perfectly safe right now. He tried to reason.

We aren't safe as long as we're in this house! We need to leave! He wants to separate us! 

That can't happen! It can't! It can't!

The thought of forcefully having his Kwami taken from him made Félix want to scream! But he had to remain calm.

Kali, that won't happen, I understand your fear, but you need to take a breath. He went first, showing the breathing exercise he had learnt over time, 5 in, hold for 7, out 8. As her breathing evened out, the Kwami began to lose her invisibility, her form flickered as she slowly calmed herself down.

Do you promise?

Huh?

Promise me that nobody will make me leave you, please?

Her voice and demeanor were unlike the Kali that had developed, it reminded him of when she had first come out of those rings. 

Scared and afraid. And now he knew why.

I promise Kali, nobody will ever keep us apart.

And he truly meant that. Nobody, not even a superhero, could keep them apart for long.

Just a bit after that confrontation, someone came back from his most recent photoshoot. He found his cousin laying on his bed, likely lost in his thoughts. 

He knew Félix was going through a hard time, and he also knew that they've been very close for most of their lives. Adrien would've done anything to help his cousin - and this instance was no exception.

"Hey! How come you're in my room?" He chuckled.

"Ah, erm, it appears I took a wrong turn, sorry about that…"

"How come? You never get lost usually…"

"Well, let's just say that your Father doesn't exactly do good things for my anxiety." He sighed.

"...Oh." And there it comes, stupid Adrien, wrapped around his father's finger, always choosing his parent over him! "Listen… I'm sorry."

What?

"I'm sorry! I think I owe you an apology," he frowned. "for, you know, constantly excusing my father. I'm sorry he's putting you through some stressful stuff, and I'm… not doing anything about it." He turned to look at him. "I hope you can understand that, really. I wish I could do something about it other than offer a shoulder to cry on, but I'm scared of disrespecting his wishes. I apologize." The boy muttered.

"...I guess I was wrong. You didn't do it to hurt me. I thought that was why-" Félix was dumbfounded. Adrien? Admitting his Father was a jerk?? Was this some kind of fever dream???

"...That was why I didn't go to your Dad's funeral?" He guessed. Félix quietly nodded. "No, I'd never want to do that, not after you were there for me when I lost Mom. I'm so sorry, Félix, I should have been there." Tears shone in the latter's green eyes.

"You shouldn't have to apologize, I'm sorry for the way I treated you! You were manipulated, I was just a jerk." He protested, how could he have thought such awful things about such a caring person?

Because you were grieving Lex, you still are.

Don't call me Lex - it was a weak response.

"We were both in pain. And look at you now, you're a good person, I know you are, I can feel it! So maybe since we both apologized for being jerks we just, I dunno, eat ice cream instead?" He smiled awkwardly, for a model he always was such a dork.

Félix raised an eyebrow, "Aren't you lactose intolerant?" he let out a smug grin.

"Oh hush! I can handle a tub of ice cream!" He was going to get so sick tomorrow... Eh, what the hell!

Hey, are you sure you don’t wanna tell him that you know he's Chat Noir?

Kali! You're ruining the moment!

-----------------------------------------

This fic was made in collaboration with @yawngearyoie at around midnight while we both craved hurt/comfort

This fic IS Cannon to our Bat Félix AU, and will be referenced in other oneshots and the fic. Approximately a quarter of this fic has foreshadowing in it for the actual AU. Pick up on that and you get a cookie 🍪 lol.

The first (offical) part of our AU should be coming either today or at some point next week. We're gonna create a masterpost so y'all can read the fics in the order they actually happen in and not our crazy upload schedule (whenever we feel like it).

Send in Asks if you have any questions, or if you just wanna talk about the AU.

Thanks for reading! (We will be making a tag list, so if you wanna be on that, just say)