#which is what happens when you choose to study a religion long since mixed up by cultural changes and views

[rocksanddeadflowers]

Kvasir messes me up so so so fucking much you guys. Like I understand the vikings had a different approach to death and yada yada so forth whatever arguments you wanna make they're reasonable but still it. I just.

You mean this beloved man, known for his wisdom and poem and song, and who went around helping people with his wisdom and poem and song and was dearly beloved by the gods just. You guys he was straight up murdered and his blood stolen for magic fucking mead. There's no revenge for his murder or anything it's just that Odin saved his mead.

"Folk declares that every skald (poet) has a drop of Kvasir's blood in him. ... because a world without it's poets would be too dreadful a place to image."

Messed up or not, he lives on in poets, storytellers, and songwriters alike- all those with the understanding of the power of word, the wisdom to yield it.

In The Bifrost Incident it's still the same. His blood pumping and fueling the machine, running through arcane glyphs. He's always just been used for his blood, and even more irony drawn from it likely being Odin gaining the most use from his blood.

And yet, no matter how miniscule it may seem, Kvasir still lives on in his universe there too, in poets and songwriters and storytellers- somehow, The Mechanisms carry a piece of him in their travels ever since his death and Yddrasil's fall, just as you and I may have his blood in our veins.

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @falsepigeon

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are mercury, uranus and pluto. you're an extremely intelligent and creative person with amazing problem-solving skills. you're very talkative and witty, and also extremely charismatic too. it's hard not to listen to you. you may experience lots of transformations in your life, you may make major changes to your lifestyle, but they'll help you gain more confidence and happiness to live more peacefully.

your dominant sign is gemini. you are a very intelligent individual, you are thirsty for knowledge and you also have great communication skills. you have a witty sense of humor, you're able to make everyone feel at ease with your sympathy. people may say you're two-faced, but in reality you just act in the most appropriate way based on the situation you're in. you despise boredom, you're very experimental in your life, but others may mistake this trait for flakiness.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking for knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in scorpio, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by pluto and neptune

your scorpio rising makes you quite pessimistic; you see the world as a place full of dangers and malice, hence it’s hard for you to trust people. this may be translated through fear; you’re either scared of other people, and hence you look more vulnerable, or maybe you’re the one who prefers to look intimidating to avoid problems. I don’t think you look unapproachable, though. there are other placements in your chart that say the opposite, so I imagine you project an image of yourself that makes you look quite naive. you can sense others’ emotions very well, so they have no secrets for you. you can perceive any single emotion in people just by looking in their eyes. while this is good, as you understand who’s best for you and you’re aware of the dangers you may face, scorpio risings tend to take advantage of this and be a little manipulative. this awareness of the world makes you look mysterious and secretive, as if you always know something more than others (and you probably do). pluto is also the planet of transformation, and you might experience a lot of rebirths throughout your life, both physically and emotionally. you might lose/have lost a big amount of weight, for example, which makes you look like a different person. or maybe, you like dying your hair of a different colour, giving you a different vibe. you wish you could be softer and show your inner emotions more easily, as scorpio is a water sign. the thing is, since it’s a fixed sign, it’s hard for you to be flexible and adapt to changes. when they happen, they’re usually out of your control as they’re literally life-changing. physically, I see you having a square face with high cheekbones. overall, your bones are very prominent and you’re naturally skinny. your eyes are extremely magnetic, and they could also be quite big and/or round. you might have either very pale skin, or just an olive skintone. sometimes, even a mix of both. your hair, eyebrows and lashes are very thick and dark too. you're at least of average height, and you could have something smaller on your face, like a small nose, eyes, lips etc. you could also have long legs, arms and fingers.

scorpio ascendant opposite taurus venus: this aspect makes you more sociable and prone to interact with people. you’re also most probably very attractive, people are naturally drawn to you. the downside of this placement is that you may suffer from self-esteem issues, as you really care about others’ impression of you. maybe you’re a little bit clumsy too. it’s easy for you to gain popularity, but be careful as it’s not always good. popularity brings scandals too, so people you see in your everyday life could possibly start gossips around you. the good thing about this aspect is that you emanate loyalty, so you usually attract and choose loyal and trust-worthy partners. this placement may also bring issues and problems in marriage with your future partner, even though I don’t think it’s your case. your venus is well-placed, so I don’t think there’ll be serious problems.

🌞 sun in gemini, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by mercury and venus

with your sign in the mutable sign of gemini, you are a very light-hearted, chill individual. you're very bright and bubbly, you have amazing communication skills and also an entertaining sense of humor that is able to light up the room. you're very sociable, you like interacting with others, even though I assume that with your heavy scorpio energy in your chart, you could find it slightly harder to let this side of you out, especially with people you don't feel comfortable with. since gemini is a mutable sign, you most likely have tons of interests and hobbies, they're so many that you find it hard to keep up with all of them, despite being extremely good at multi-tasking. in fact, you're particularly intelligent and thirsty for knowledge. you like learning about everything, you love looking and being smart. it's your way to feel empowered and proud of yourself. you always need freshness in your daily life, you cannot stand boredom. because of that, you may often change your ideas, your hobbies, your favourite singer, etc. sometimes, you could even apply this to friends and lovers, and people may consider you unloyal or not much serious because of that. in addition, you get easily very anxious and stressed, to the point that you may seem dramatic to others. you may also get scared easily, even though you try to stay collected thanks to your libra moon who wants to be well-seen.

gemini sun conjunct gemini mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your heavy air dominance makes you naturally good at writing books, poetry or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

gemini sun conjunct gemini mars: with this placement, you may be even more straight-forward than the typical gemini. you are very impulsive and honest above all, you say things as they are. you don't get hurt easily, you're able to be very brave when you want to, and even if you do get emotionally hurt, you know how to stand up for yourself again. you strive to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true, you're an hard-worker. some may call you impatient, and you may actually be, but in reality you just can't wait for things to happen. for example, let's suppose you're going to the mall to buy the playstation you always wanted. you'd start only thinking and talking about that playstation until you actually get it in your hands. you get easily excited. also, this is another placement that indicates that is hard not to notice you. you have a very strong charisma that makes others stare. you strive to be the number #1 at whatever you do, you're a serious competitor and you'd do anything to win and achieve your goals.

gemini sun opposite sagittarius pluto: probably during your childhood you couldn't make your own decisions. you might have been highly influenced by someone in your family, probably your father, and hence now you feel the need to have everything under control. maybe too much. you despise authority, you may even be quite rebellious. maybe your parents have tried to convince you following their religion, ideals etc., without giving you freedom. or perhaps, they are overprotective and avoid to make you have experiences. I imagine that getting rid of your control issues, which are caused by this sense of not being in control of your life, may be the first step to finally heal your wound, which is somehow linked to the relationship with your friends and casual partners in your everyday life. start trusting others more, and don't be afraid of being 'fooled'. you're totally capable of understanding when someone is trying to hurt you, follow your intuition. even though it may be hard, even painful, it'll be the key to transform and overcome saturn's lessons to achieve your goals.

🌙 moon in libra, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

the most independent and open-minded libra decan. in life, you strive for equality and fairness. for example, you don’t want to give less than someone else, you would feel guilty about it. at the same time, you don’t want to be the one that gives more either; you’re afraid that people could take advantage of you. therefore, balance is what you find the most pleasant. ironically, you struggle to keep the same balance in yourself, though. you may appear a bit emotionally cold, as you don’t feel comfortable showing your true self due to your secrecy. you come off as kind of analytical, but you’re actually very romantic. you wish the world was just filled with love and peace, and you that you didn’t have to worry about malice or anything of that type. you hate vulgarity, and you try to be as kind as possible with your words, even though you may be too straight-forward and fail at that. you're most likely an extrovert, or at least you may know a lot of people. yet, you have troubles actually creating close bonds with others. you basically have more acquaintances than friends. you’re a nice mediator, you know how to get along with others and make others get along.

🗣 mercury in gemini, 7° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

mercury is in its natural place in gemini, your whole chart flows very well! you have great problem-solving skills, you are extremely intelligent and astute. when you were younger, you probably used to be the winner at games like hide-and-seek. this placement also enhances your thirst for knowledge of any kind, you want to learn at least a little about anything, from science to foreign cultures. yet, since you want to learn so many things all at once, you may lack precision and be a little bit superficial. on the other hand, you're a fast learner, but since you lack water in your chart I assume that you may rely more on logic than intuition, which is both good and bad. you may often find people predictable, but in reality you're just ahead of them. you're also very open-minded, even though you may be too logical at times, meaning that you're quite stubborn when it comes to certain topics. you're not like your sister sign is sagittarius who's up to believe everything. yet, it's easy for you to be flexible in your day-to-day life, you don't have to follow a schedule to have everything under control, even though you may often suffer from stress and headaches due to this lack of organization. you may have a very youthful and positive voice, you just give off good vibes, you know?

gemini mercury conjunct gemini mars: this placement makes you slightly more aggressive with your words. in fact, it makes you look more assertive and almost bossy. you could often attack people with words when you get angry, and you can get quite provocative too. while you are quick-minded and it's hard for you to be tricked, you have a very sharp tongue that could hurt others. other people may not understand your sense of humor for example, and they could get offended. you love debates and expressing your opinions, as you take a lot of pride in your thoughts. yet, may also take things very personally, you get defensive extremely easily, and that makes it hard to have a healthy discussion with you as you're very fiery. you could often get into arguments.

gemini mercury opposite sagittarius pluto: you may become a bit manipulative. you probably don’t even realize it, though, as you have the ability to make people do what you want them to do. you probably love being right, especially during arguments, and you always manage to be so thanks to your communication skills. your words are like knives for others, they can truly cut deep through their ego. you’re direct and blunt, as you just say what you have in mind with no filters. you can develop a provocative attitude without even realizing it, which can obviously cause you conflicts. you need to be more careful about how you communicate your ideas, otherwise you could seriously damage other people’s self-esteem. on the other hand, if you acknowledge your flaws and work on them, this can actually turn into diplomacy. take advantage of your interest in your inner self to find out how to be a bit more gentle in choosing your words.

❤️ venus in taurus, 6° / 1st decan ruled by venus

you seek long-lasting relationships. you're very romantic, and this fixed influence gives you high standards for your partner, you stay back from players. you look for someone you can always count on, and that is willing to support you through thick and thin. it may take you a while to find someone worth to be your lover, but once you find them, you'll always be loyal to them as long as they're respectful. they're your most precious possession, hence you're very jealous and protective of them. if it becomes unhealthy for both you and your partner, it's surely an issue you have to solve, maybe together. you're also the type who likes to be spoiled by their lover, and wants to make lovely gifts as well. these gifts don't have to be expensive, even homemade things are fine. for example, you may melt at the thought of your significant other to take their time and do something exclusively for you, like baking a cake or writing a poem. little gestures that show you their love. in a potential partner, you also care about how they present themselves. I'm not necessarily talking about conventional beauty, but more on a self-care side. you like people who smell good, have a nice fashion sense and maybe people that are quite conceited too (obviously not to the point of narcissism).

taurus venus conjunct aries saturn: as I've already mentioned above, you're a very affecionate and loyal partner. yet, due to this placement, there could be some insecurity around your love affairs. you may be too cold in relationships, it could be that you have troubles showing your love and affection for others. or perhaps, you're afraid of being in a relationship, and hence you may directly avoid them or break-up all of a sudden. you could literally jump into relationships, resulting in you getting hurt from time to time. because of this, with this placement marriage is usually delayed. it could be hard for you to find your true love, but it'll surely come. you could possibly date people more dominant / older than you, and I'd recommend you to get married after your saturn return, which is around your 27/28s. little side-note, you may often date karmic partners, aka partners from your past lives, so you may often experience this 'I’ve already seen you before’-vibe in your new encounters and relationships, and you’ll always learn something from all your relationships.

☄️ mars in gemini, 8° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

you’re driven by the sense of intelligence. your intellect is your greatest strenght, it’s your energy tank. you’re interested in a bunch of things, and hence you may have troubles staying focused on one thing at the time. you probably have tons of hobbies, and you may end up not being much precise since you have tons of things that you have and want to do. you can’t stand boredom, you need your day-to-day life to be exciting and, above all, offer you something new to learn and / or experience. you probably fancy being very active: you go out often, you workout, you may also be the type to love partying and things like that. you’re extremely witty and curious, and you want to live your life to the fullest. you may often change your style, your opinions, maybe even your personality, and that could make you seem confusing and / or unreliable.

gemini mars opposite sagittarius pluto: with this placement, I assume that when you were younger you were some sort of victim. you could have been bullied, for example, you used to be insecure about the way you looked and were. you could have felt different from others, and they took advantage of that to make you feel even more insecure. or maybe, it was a parent, or every authoritative figure in your life, that restricted you from following your own ideals. because of that, now you constantly feel the need to prove yourself. you probably tend to accumulate a lot of anger all together, which you need to let all out or you could explode. you could find comfort in physical ways to relieve stress, like punching bags, slamming doors, etc. or perhaps, when you're angry you just get overwhelmed by all of your emotions. you may cry, scream, even throw up in certain cases. on the other hand, you are extremely magnetic and attractive to others, you naturally draw people towards you. you're also extremely passionate in whatever you do, you put your whole heart in doing things you love. you're very hard-working and determined to achieve your goals, and I find this beneficial considering that your gemini energy tends to make one superficial. with this aspect, you're probably more dedicated than the common gemini.

🏡 houses, interceptions

your 1st house is in scorpio. you fulfill your ego when you deal with intense situations that satify your needs. that is, you find strenght in getting out of your comfort-zone. even though you may be afraid of it. you’re an enigma: you know everything about others, but others know nothing about you. it’s your way to protect yourself from eventual enemies, as you’re prone to have a few of them throughout your life. pluto is also here; your scorpio energy is enhanced even more in this way, and since it's opposite mars you may usually come off as aggressive or too impulsive. you indeed come off as someone very fiery, and you may be when you get angry, but deep down your libra energy just wants calm and peace. physically, you may also have stronger features: you could have a strong jawline, a wide forehead, a distinctive nose and thinner lips. chiron is also here: your deepest insecurity is your appearance, your identity. it may be that when you were younger, you used to struggle a lot with your appearance. you could have been bullied, or perhaps you could have suffered from an eating disorder. luckily, this placement can get better. in fact, you can gain wisdom from this wound of yours; you can heal others who have self-worth issues once you start loving yourself.

your 2nd house is in sagittarius. you tend to overindulge in 2nd house matters, hence you may spend too much money, you could overeat, or even overestimate your own skills. you could have an exaggerated vision of yourself; maybe, you’re too confident, or perhaps it’s the opposite. that is, you underestimate your worth way too much. since you spend so much, you may find yourself lacking money from time to time, therefore be careful to how you spend them. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 5th house: you can make money through creative outlets; that is, you could work as an artist, an actor, a comedian, a singer, a dancer, a stylist... anything that allows you to express your personal taste and have fun. you could also increase your self-esteem in this way, being able to express your pleasures and having fun increase your self-confidence.

your 3rd house is in capricorn. you enjoy listing and talking about your duties and goals. you’re the type to write down your tasks in your agenda, e.g. tidying up your room, feeding your plants etc. the problem with this placement is that you may struggle to take action, and procrastinate. or maybe, you could do the opposite and overwork yourself. no inbetween. also, when you were a child you probably started speaking later than other kids, or you speak so fast that you end up stuttering. uranus and neptune are also placed in this house: you could have 'unexpected' siblings, meaning that probably your mother didn't expect to have one of her children. also, you may have a very dreamy and melodic voice, even though it could sometimes be hard for others to understand you since it's also quite nasal. the ruler of the 3rd house is in the 6th house: your job may involve communication, you'll most probably interact with other people in your future career. or maybe, you might write stuff, hence you could be a writer, a journalist, etc. possibly, you would do well as a therapist too. you may also communicate through artistic outlets, hence you could be an actess, a singer, etc. also, you could often have to do short trips to reach your college / work place, perhaps in a bus for example.

your 4th house is in aquarius. when you were young, you probably didn’t feel at ease with yourself. you might have been the outcast, that one kid that stood out in the daycare. you probably didn’t have many friends either, and it could have been painful for you. even though you enjoyed playing, drawing and watching your favorite cartoons alone, you're very sociable, and you've probably always felt the need to be surrounded by others. you find emotional comfort and security in your home, in your parents and in just family in general. you used to be very attracted to arts when you were a kid, and you kept this love with you while growing up. maybe, you were the type of child to lie to your parents. with the ruler of the 4th house in the 3rd, you probably feel comfortable and secure in your home enviroment, especially with your siblings. you may actually feel more attached to them than to your parents. also, your parents could be very successful academically speaking, and you may still live in your birth city / country.

your 5th house is in pisces. you have a variety of talents and creativity, but that may possibly be covered from you at first. you’d do very well at stuff that involves art and drawing. in love, you’re attracted to artsy people; if they’re into art, singing, dancing etc. they’re your ideal of soulmate. you may be very fond of children, and you wish to have at least one in the future. with jupiter here, you find joy and comfort in your hobbies, so it's extremely important for you to nurture your artistic needs and talents. actually, your creative talents are actually the key for you to achieve the best success and joy. you may have lots of children too, and they'll bring happiness to your life. the ruler of the 5th house is in the 3rd house: your hobbies include communication of any sort. you could write poetry, books... possibly, you could be interested in foreign languages and you may also communicate in more indirect ways, hence through photography, dancing, videos... especially since your 3rd house is ruled by neptune, the planet of images.

your 6th house is in aries. you work hard to be the number #1 in what you care about, especially if your goals involve school, work, health etc. your days are usually quite busy, and you may tend to overwork yourself. you also have venus and saturn here in the same house. I consider this a positive placement! having one of the most beneficial planet in the same house with saturn, the most malefic planet, makes you feel way less saturn's limitations. in fact, this placement usually makes it hard for you to be healthy, both physically and emotionally, and you may have the tendency to overwork yourself. you could even have bad luck at work, but thanks to venus this energy is mitigated, and you may actually find pleasure in working. this is another placement that indicates that you'll work in a creative, artistic field. possibly, you may also work with beauty. with the ruler of the 6th being in the 7th house, you'll most likely meet your future spouse at your work place. you could pursue the same career, they could be a customer of yours... or perhaps, you could meet them in your everyday life, and hence if you attend college you could meet them there, or perhaps in a gym, at the supermarket, on the bus, etc. any place that you frequent daily.

your 7th house is in taurus. in a marriage you seek security, both emotional and financial. you want a loyal partner that would never do anything to hurt you, and that has a wealthy job as well. intimacy and trust also matter a lot for you in a long-term relationship. mercury and mars are also placed in this house: you want a partner that is basically very similiar to you. they need to be open-minded and intelligent, they need to stimulate you mentally. but still, they also need to know how to stand up for themselves, you need someone that can compete with you, you're always up for a good challenge. yet, this could eventually cause power struggles between you two, and the marriage could possibly become overwhelming, so beware of that. take advantage of your libra moon and try to balance your feelings with those of your future spouse.

your 8th house is in gemini. you may frequently find yourself thinking and studying occult/taboo topics, such as paranormal events, thrillers, tarots, astrology etc. you’re interested in finding out the truth, not only among your peers but in the whole world. you have a desire that all the malice that is hiding behind the government etc. gets exposed, even though you may be so interested in them that you could get used to it and end up overlooking them. the ruler of the 8th house is in the 7th house: as I've already mentioned above, your future spouse will most likely be your soulmate! that is, you've already met them in a past life of yours, you'll feel naturally attracted to each other. your spouse will allow you to gain more self-esteem and security in yourself, they'll help you embrace your identity. also, you could marry someone very sexual.

your 9th house is in cancer. someone close, important and intimate with you may teach you the biggest lessons in your life. you could also live abroad with your family, or become a teacher in a daycare/primary school. you could also be very close with your teachers, you may have a very close relationship with some of them, or perhaps someone in your life is actually a teacher / professor. with the ruler of the 9th house being in the 11th house, your friends may be very supportive and open-minded, just like you. they could feel like family to you, and they could possibly come from abroad. perhaps, they're from a different religion / culture from yours, or they can speak more than one language. possibly, you may as well meet them in college, school and / or university too.

your 10th house is in leo. you want to be recognized and stand out. you may want to be a celebrity, or at least you want to be the one people look up to in your work place. you probably prefer being in charge rather than working under a boss, and you may want to work in a creative field, perhaps you could even mix an hobby of yours with your work life. with the ruler of the 10th house being in the 8th house, you may be known for your successful career, maybe you may actually get popular easily. this is a beneficial placement for people that want to be recognized/famous, as you naturally have the celebrity vibe and charisma to you. you may also prefer working alone rather than in groups or in an association. you could earn lots of money from your job, even though I don't see you being totally independent. you may work under a boss for example, or perhaps you get successful thanks to others' support, for example you could have some fans that help you boost your career.

your 11th house is in virgo. this placement, together with your heavy scorpio influence, makes you very picky with friends. you may frequent and feel happy with different people, but you only call friends a few of them. you also have friends with similiar ideals and approach to yours, hence it’s easy for you to get along as you see eye to eye. the moon is also placed in this house; your friends feel like family to you, you're extremely attached to them and you may actually live with them in some time of your life, perhaps in the same dorm or directly in an apartment. they'll nurture you and help you become more mature, or perhaps you could even still be friends with some high school or childhood mates of yours. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 7th house: you may marry a friend of yours. perhaps, at first you and your future spouse won't even like each other, you'll just be common friends, but then you will eventually develop things for each other.

your 12th house is in libra. you find beauty in neptunian topics, such as astrology, spirituality, dreams, art etc. you may actually be quite skilled at things that involve beauty and aesthetics. you may also be afraid of being judged, especially for your interests and/or physical appearance, or even afraid of love and relationships. the ruler of the 12th house is in the 6th house: since in your chart the 6th house is linked to your marriage and hobbies, your future spouse may also be a soulmate of yours. you may often dream about them, or perhaps you dream about real-life events. you could also possibly work in a spiritual field, for example you could be a therapist, an astrologer, a fortune teller, a yoga instructor, etc. or perhaps your job will include helping others. you could become a doctor, a lawyer, or even help others in more artistic ways. you could become a singer that heals people through their musica and lyrics, for example, or a writer... you'd also do amazing as an actor or comedian.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract taurus, libra, pisces, sagittarius, virgo, scorpio. your future spouse is probably going to have prominent virgo/gemini/3rd or 6th house placements, as well as some scorpio/aries/8th house dominance too. they may be very intense, magnetic and sexy, but also extremely possessive and jealous. they’ll also be very intelligent and philosophical. you may meet them at work, and they’ll be a big boost for your self-esteem and reputation. you could also meet them during a short trip, hence on a bus, on a train etc. your children are probably going to have prominent pisces or sagittarius placements, or at least they’ll have pisces/water traits: they’ll be spiritual, calm, artistic and sleepy, yet they may also develop a rebel/emo attitude during their teenage years. they will also be very attached to their family, especially to you, and they'll be very open-minded and curious.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for herself when she has to, but she may struggle to do that. in fact, she looks very emotionally detached and possibly moody, unpredictable. she also has very strong beliefs that you inherited from her. your father could have been a bit more egotistic than your mother. he was probably very self-centered, and lacked empathy. there could have been many misunderstandings with him. if you have siblings, they probably have prominent capricorn / pisces / aquarius placements in their chart. you'll probably start loving each other more as time goes and you grow up. in the worst case, your mother might have had a miscarriage, or maybe they were stillborn. also, as I’ve already mentioned before, you and your family may live abroad, or least in a different city from your native one.

📊 career

you'd do best at a career that involves creativity and possibly fame. more specifically, you need to able to express your feelings through creative outlets. that means that you would become extremely successful as a writer / poet, singer, musician, dancer, actress, artist, photographer... possibly, even a stylist, as you may express your emotions and ideals through certain clothes designs. what matters is that it allows you to express your feelings in some way, that is creative and that also lets you feel praised and important, you don't want to go overlooked for your work. actually, there are quite a lot of placements in your chart that could indicate that you have the potential to be famous, or at least that you know how to handle recognition. you could also work in contact with celebrities, and hence you could be a make-up artist, a stylist, a hairdresser...

👗 fashion sense, style analysis

with your heavy venus presence, I'm sure you're very elegant. even if you're just wearing a sweatshirt with pants, you still manage to make it look so expensive and particular. you may like pastel, light colours, or even earthy shades like kaki, brown etc. you prefer using comfortable clothes, but you definitely know how to dress up when you have to. you might also be very fond of accessories, like jewellery and bags. you may also enjoy buying designer clothes, but even if they're cheaper, you want them to be of a nice quality. you may also enjoy going thrift shopping, as you may like wearing 'timeless' items, such as white shirts, blazers, coats, classic heels... basically, versatile clothes that are a must in your wardrobe, as they've always been trendy. you could also love oversized fits, as well as 80s/90s aesthetic.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past existence, you were very in touch with your home, self, and probably marriage too. overall, your past life was very peaceful, especially when it comes to your family. this lifetime, though, you need to focus on letting the world know who you are. you have to build a reputation for your name and feel satisfied with your career, while still taking care of your family.

🤔 major transits interpretation / sept 15th

transit mars is currently conjunct your aries saturn, making this aries energy double. you may be extremely defensive and aggressive lately, you may often argue with others, especially with people you live with or someone from your family or that is above you, perhaps your parents or even a teacher. uranus is also transiting your 6th house, and it's going to conjunct saturn in some time. I'd keep an eye on this placement, as it can manifest as a sudden health problem, perhaps even a surgery, so try to be as healthy as possible. after all, transits are just potential, you can perfectly try to avoid them.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

this is the end! thank you again for purchasing a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #250

"you’re so pretty, dripping sin.”

Do you plan on having children in the future? No. How big is your house? It's very small. Two bedroom, one bathroom. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, yes. The planet being inhabitable, probably at some point. The universe itself, life itself, won't, though. Describe your handwriting: Very fancy/fluid, a weird mix of cursive and print. Can you speak any other languages than your first language? Some German, but not a lot by now. I've lost a lot of memory of it. If you could speak another, which would it be? I wanna be fluent in German, but it's not something I pursue 'cuz I guess like... why. I don't think I'll ever really apply it to my life, nor is it something I'm DYING to do, so paying for classes just seems. Idk. What is one trend you think is stupid? I don't care. Let people enjoy things. Do you ever watch any soap operas? No. Do you ever get goodnight or good morning texts from people? Not usually. If I do, it's only ever Sara. When did you last go to the doctor and what for? I'm assuming you mean a general doctor, in which case, I think it was just a regular check-up a month or so back. Are you socially awkward? To a painful degree that I'm incredibly sick of. Can't be in a social situation and not feel uncomfortable even if it saved my ass. Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? It would depend on my mood, but horror would usually win. Do you know where your family came from? Europe. If you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? Realistically, probably like, an elf or something 'cuz they're pretty unlike me so it'd be a nice change. :^) Where are both of your parents right at this moment? Mom's at church, and Dad is probably at home 'cuz it's Sunday. Have you ever seen a movie so ridiculous you couldn’t watch the rest? Yep. Does it make you angry when people text short messages back? If I'm seriously trying to have a conversation, it doesn't make me *angry*, just aggravated. What is your favorite animal and why? Meerkats. I could write a damn essay on why, but I'm not up for it, so basically, they are just extremely interesting animals with serious fire in a foot-tall body. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Have you ever kept a successful diary before? Not really. Well, I guess for short periods of time. I'd call them just "journals," though. It was something to do every time I stayed in the hospital, a good, insightful thing even, and just really at my lowest times, it helped me, but I never stuck to it. Are you good at admitting your problems? I think I'm very honest about them, really. Have you ever had a hangover? No. What is something you’re looking for in the next three months? I don't know. What’s something you normally cannot spell on your own? I have trouble with certain words where "e" or "a" could both easily be used (ex., "independEnce"), so I rely on spellcheck with words like those a lot. Looks or personality? Which is more important to you? Personality. Do you know any strippers? I don’t think so. How many times have you dyed your hair? Holy fuck idk. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Cranium games. Do you think you eat healthy? I think I eat decently. Since I started paying attention to calories, I improved a lot. How would you describe your style of speech? Are you a fast/slow speaker? Do you stutter often? Generally, I think I speak quietly (but sometimes actually too loud, according to Mom) at a pretty normal pace, sometimes kinda fast, but I stutter a lot. When was the last time you’ve visited a family member’s house? What was the occasion? I haven't been to anyone's in a while... I think the last time was when I went to Ashley's to babysit my nephew a few months ago. Have you ever tried to construct a language? How do you feel about fictional languages (such as Dothraki and Klingon)? Not really. One of my old RP friends and I kinda-sorta had this "ancient meerkat language," but it was faaaar from developed. I don't feel any particular way about fake languages. Were you born and raised into a certain religion? What was it and have you changed your religion? Yes, Roman Catholicism. I've changed my religion quite a few times... Well, I don't like "changed." It just developed away from what was instilled in my head as a little kid. How do you usually feel when one of your favorite television or book series end? This doesn't apply to me really, because I haven't been involved in those things for a long time. The only one that I really cared about/was watching when it was current content was Meerkat Manor. I was sooooo so bummed out. That show had such, such, SUCH a colossal impact on my life. What do you like most about your town or neighborhood? Nothing. Well, it's small. Are you looking forward to any upcoming events? I'm obviously anticipating Mom starting chemo this week, but also very nervous. I don't want to see the physical toll it takes on her. What were your first impressions on your current best or closest friend? Lmao it's still funny to this day to me, our start... I just didn't like her. I thought she was over-dramatic and attention-crazed. What would you do if you knew a person that you were not fond of or even disliked, but they considered you as a friend? Would you confront them, avoid them, etc.? "I wouldn’t confront them unless something happened that made it come to a head. I’d try to be civil yet non-committal. It would also depend how I knew them and how much I had to interact with them." <<<< This. It doesn't seem necessary to just randomly walk up to this person and be like "hey you know you're not my friend, right?" Just leave it be unless something occurs where it seems more relevant. What are some things that you do to make you feel relaxed? Listen to music, nap... How often to do go to concerts? What was your favorite experience so far? Not even nearly enough because 1.) I'm not in a position where I can afford tickets and 2.) NO good bands like, ever come here. We only ever have country bands. The only concert I've been to was Alice Cooper, which was great. What is your newest and/or current passion? Newest, uhhhh. Idk man. I have a lot of current passions, but none surpass the Blazing Inferno of Love in my heart for Mark Edward Fischbach. Do you still have a fear that you had held since childhood? If not, how did you overcome one or more of your childhood fears? Yes, dolls. It's really mild now, but still, I really don't like porcelain dolls. What is your favorite type of weather? In general, a moderate snow. To actually be in, ohhhh man, gimme that cool, crisp fall air with a partly cloudy sky, very little to no breeze, depending on how cool it is. Do you watch documentaries? If so, do you have a particular favorite? I love animals docs. Meerkat Manor is of course my favorite. Is there a particular sentence or line from a book that carries a deep meaning to you? What is that sentence/line and why does it speak to you? I'm sure there is, but none immediately come to mind. When's the last time you ate bread? A couple days back for a sandwich. What's the last movie you watched on your own? UHHHHHHHH I think it was The Shining. Great movie, so glad I finally watched it. What about the last movie you watched with another person? Now this I'm unsure about, but I want to say The Lion King (live action) with Dad. What about the last movie you saw at the cinema? Was it good? ^ It was fucking great. I mean maybe I'm biased because it's my favorite movie, but either way, the hate it got shocked me. I know people were upset about like "oh they looked so emotionless" but like... they're animals made in the most realistic portrayal possible. I thought that was very cool. Do you attend school, college, or uni? I'm a college student. What do you study, wherever you study? Photography. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? At least SOMETHING with art, or even animal rescue and conservation. How many girls can you trust? Like, two. What about guys? Also probably two, maybe three. How do you earn your keep? I don't. I don't/can't work (at least right now) and my disability case was just denied for the second time, so, y'know, I'm basically a leech. If you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be? Not including English? German, Japanese, and Spanish, for convenience's sake. Who do you usually text the most? My mom or Sara. Baths or showers? Showers; baths gross me out. Cheese or tomato? Noooot a tomato fan, so. At least I like some cheese. Shaved legs or shaved arms? ??? I mean I think shaving your legs is more noticeable, but I don't care. I'd only ever shave my legs (I mean unless I had a good reason to shave my arms?), but shave whatever you want, dude. How many coats do you own? One winter coat. What about shoes? A handful, though I only ever wear my sneakers or flip-flops, lol. One word to describe your most recent ex? A soldier. Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? I will only ever fully eat scrambled eggs. Boiled, I'll only eat the whites. Fuck yolk, shit's gross. Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? No. Where, in your current cournty, would you like to live, other than where you do now? Western NC, in the mountains. It's beautiful. Where wouldn’t you want to live? Several places, like North Korea. Do you like snow? I'm a kid when it comes to snow, I love it. Have you always got good grades? Up until college, I did... Do you like sheer clothing? With something under it, yes. List four things about your facial appearance: 1.) It's this really weird mix of dry as hell and oily; 2.) I have blue/gray eyes; 3.) I wear large, black-rimmed glasses; and 4.) I have a vertical labret in my bottom lip. List four things about your general appearance: 1.) I'm fat even though I've worked my fucking ass off to keep losing weight for two years now :^); 2.) I have some but certainly not enough tattoos and piercings; 3.) I'm very pale; and 4.) I have very short, brown hair that needs to be dyed immediately. List four things you like about yourself: 1.) I'm extremely empathetic; 2.) I care a fucking LOT about the people I love; 3.) I'd say I let myself fall kinda easily, yet I'm resilient as shit and will always get back up; and 4.) I'm extremely open-minded and capable of considering a whole lot. List four things you dislike about yourself: 1.) MY GOTDAMN WEIGHT; 2.) my teeth are too yellow for my liking (I've been exceptionally self-conscious of that lately as I've used whitening strips); 3.) I'm extremely impulsive with what I say and do when I'm seriously upset; and 4.) I will, without fail, jump to the worst possible conclusion in any and all situations. List four of your favorite TV programs: 1.) Meerkat Manor; 2.) That '70s Show; 3.) Fullmetal Alchemist (+Brotherhood); and 4.) Deadman Wonderland. List four of your favorite foods/drinks: 1.) Mountain Dew Voltage is my absolute worst enemy; 2.) I will ANNIHILATE the spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden; 3.) the shrimp & cheese quesadillas from Mexican restaurants are not safe either; and 4.) pizza is, of course, rather gucci. Cats or dogs? Idk, I really like both. Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? Hunty I live in NC, that doesn't happen here. Are you hungry right now? No. What do you think of couples who have entire albums just for them, with pictures of them just randomly at home, doing nothing that really requires a photo? Dude, I love that. Cherish every moment with each other. Make memories, freeze them in pictures. Can you work the microwave? Well, considering it's the only thing I cook in and we've had the same one my entire life (ours is extremely old/can't be bought anymore and is SERIOUSLY durable with time, apparently, as it works perfectly), I know it well. Can you work the washing machine? Heh. Not really... embarrassing as that is. My mom does both of our laundry together, so... but I should seriously still know. She's shown me a few times, but with how abominably horrid my memory is, I forget again and again. There's too many options. Do you like your photo being taken? NO. Have you ever got into a club, whilst being underage? Never been to a club period. How many magazines do you buy a month? None. How many of them are car-related? "If I did, they certainly wouldn’t be car related. That doesn’t interest me at all." <<<< Big same. What about fashion? Well, I'd like ones that offered alternative clothing choices that you could order. Any celeb gossip ones? Ew. What pets do you have? We're about to have only two: my snake Venus and cat Roman. With Mom's cancer diagnosis and both chemo and surgery coming along, she simply can't handle our dumb dog anymore. He's needed to go for a LONG time, so we're trying to find a new home for him. Last gig you went to? Still Alice Cooper. Next gig your going to? Should Ozzy still have his concerts like he wants to after his treatments in Sweden or wherever it is, most likely him. Mom and I planned to, and we will absolutely go if he reinstates them. I'm completely understanding if this doesn't happen though; he has to take care of himself, the poor 'ole man. Bless him. Life's a cruel bitch, giving a legendary singer Parkinson's (it's going to disable him from singing with time). Favorite color? Pink! o: Are you regularly tired? Only always, my friend. Are you excited to live on your own? Completely alone, no. I know it would be extremely unhealthy for me with depression and becoming so easily lonely and unmotivated without encouragement and companionship of some sort. I'll have to live with a spouse. Even then, I'm nervous about it. Living with Jason and our friends in that apartment was both a good and very bad experience; it taught me a good deal of independence, but I still found it very stressful. When do you plan on moving out? When I've been in a long-term, healthy relationship. Do you daydream? Only all the time. Do you dream at night? More like have nightmares/terrors almost nightly. BUT! They've actually chilled some the past few days!! I don't recall what the dream was (but I'm 90% sure Mark was in it, A SHOCKER), but I woke up laughing hysterically recently, Mom told me. So that could only be a good sign. When you’re sick, do you like to be pampered, or left alone? A mix, but mostly the former honestly. Halp pls. But I also want my time to sleep. Are you superstitious? Nope. How many pictures are in your wallet? Ohhh I'm actually not sure. I know I have a handful of my nieces and nephews. I need one of Emerson now. If someone cries while watching a sad movie..do you laugh at them? ???? That is so insensitive???? No???? How often do you change your sheets? I'm... not sure, actually? I know at LEAST once a month (which probably isn't enough), but possibly another time? Idk, I don't pay attention. I just do when I feel it's time to. Is you bedroom upstairs or down? We only have one floor. Is it true blood is thicker than water? Nope. If you could wish someone out of your life... who would it be? Well, he's not *literally* a part of it, but Jason, as far as in my head. Remembering him, sudden memories, flashback prompts, all that jazz are very much daily events. Truly, it doesn't *really* affect me much anymore, it's just so "normal," but it would certainly be grand if he wasn't the most staple person in my head. If you could be with anyone in the world..famous or not..who would it be? HUNNY SWEET CHILD- Are you high maintenance? Nope. If you could change one thing in the world... what would it be? PEACE. JUST PEACE. No war, no violence in general, just. Handle shit like mature adults. If you could star in any movie... which would it be? None. I'm too self-conscious of myself to be in a movie, and I'm a horrible and extremely awkward actress. If you could live in a fairy tale..which would it be? "Alice in Wonderland." <<<< 100% 100% 100%. If you could live in the past..where would it be? The '80s, baby!! If you could see only one person right now..who would it be? Ugh, Sara. I've missed her to death and desperately wanna hang out. Do you wear shoes in the house? No sir. Do you dream in color or black and white? YO! I only recently learned this is a thing with some people, but I dream in color. What is your favorite accent? British. Do you write poetry/songs/stories? Poetry, occasionally. Stories, well, you could easily consider RP that, as we're all collaboratively writing many. Do you wear socks with sandals? gtfo of here with that shit Would you marry for money? HA, no. Do you have any “in the mood” music you like to listen to? AHAHA YES I'M SORRY. Would you vote for a woman president? "If she was a good candidate in my own personal opinion, yeah." <<<< "This. I want to vote for someone who I feel can do the best job. Their gender has nothing to do with it." <<<< Ditto. Are looks/appearances really important? For me personally, not really. Like yes, it's nice to feel physical attraction towards your love interest, but it's a very, very little factor for me, if at all. When you die, do you want to be cremated or buried? Please just cremate me. I really don't wanna be buried. Just taking up space. Do you like to play video games? Yeah, but not as much as I used to, though I wish I did... I think I've watched way too many let's plays to where I can enjoy just fine watching YTers I like experience the game, and I do secondhand while getting some good laughs. Do you like Final Fantasy? Which one do you prefer of all? Oh my god, I wish I was more involved in that series, as I know how madly beloved it is. I used to be obsessed with the demo for FFVIII; my sister, brother, and I would play it like mad, but only Bobby could beat it. The final spider-like boss of the demo was fuckin impossible. I did play a lot of FFVII, which I adored, it was just... so long and by maybe over halfway through, I just drifted from it. I need to watch a playthrough of it, honestly, because the story was so captivating and I genuinely would love to witness how it ends. Have you ever caught on fire? WOW no thank fuck. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah, but I don't really make stuff anymore. I don't have Vegas on this computer and honestly I'm just not motivated to really make videos. Do you ever go to video game arcades? No. :( Do you care what people think of you? In most cases, VERY MUCH. Not always, though, but it STRICTLY depends on the situation, big time. Like, I'll walk into Wal-Mart in my pj's np, but there are just a lot of things where I will seriously care too much. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. I had one teacher that ALL the girls thought was super attractive, but I definitely didn't have a crush on him... and then later he got fired for sexual relations with one of the students. OOF. Do you like Lady Gaga? I don't mind her, usually. She's got some good jams. "Bad Romance" is legendary. Do you think you have been in love before? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly in love, friends. Do you like Edgar Allan Poe? Love him! Have you ever gotten hit on by some creeper? Oh god yeah and it was awful. Do you bless random people when they sneeze? Yep. Do you have a short temper? No. Have you ever had a yard sale? Yes. Do you go to Barnes and Noble for books, the library or someplace else? I go to Books-A-Million. Do you have an iPad? Nope. Are you scared to die? Yes and no. It's the unknown of what comes after that makes me apprehensive. Do you go to church every Sunday? I never go. Do you think you draw well? I honestly think I draw decently. Have you ever wanted to be a meteorologist? No. Do you like Taylor Swift? Not really, and DEFINITELY not newer stuff, but I will rock hardcore to "Picture To Burn," "Safe and Sound" is positively beautiful, and "Love Story" used to be my favorite song at one point.

[rachylou555]

Possibility by Rm #lexa

The universe has such beauty. I have spent so long exploring every part of it since the loss of my people and my home. Ever searching for something, anything that will make me whole again.

Earth, such an intriguing planet with a race called humans living on it's surface. I could see their demise if they carried on with their wars and fights over religion and land. Yet it was by the hand of an artificial programme, who deemed there were too many people, that destroyed the planet that they knew.

The nuclear apocalypse destroyed what civilisation was on the surface and I watch as ships with those choosen leave the ravaged earth for space.

I weep for what was and the loss of this wonderful planet. My emotions are too raw for me to travel away from this devastated world so I choose to hibernate and allow myself and ,hopefully, this world to heal.

How long have I slept?

The Earth is green, the air is breathable. Slowly from a ship a lone female figure emerges while others remain on board, watching and being held back by a male.

The female yells someting and Caos and euthoria ensue as everyone erupts from the ship. This is why I am awake. The sounds of their laughter vibrate through me and touch my soul.

I rise unseen and watch these humans run around and explore their surroundings. They are from the stars. A generation from those who left and managed to survive in space after the apocalypse.

I am happy. I spot one female who is not running around but looking at a map. For some unknown reason, I am drawn to her. A male appears and they start up a conversation. I usually listen to other life forms feelings for communication than their language, yet i am intrigued. I have to concentrate hard as it has been a long time since I have heard words spoken and the language is unique to me.

"... mountain"

I smile. This one, princess?, has a spirit of old in a young body. She is wise beyond her years but still learning her place.

I have an urge to follow and protect her. Feelings that I thought had long since died. What is it about this woman, why is she different? I do not know but I follow her every move.

There are times that I want to intervene and help princess, no her name is Clarke, but my people had laws not to intervene but observe other races and learn through them. My hands are tied by this law and I am forced to watch Clarke and her friends fight against those that have survived on the surface.

Yes, there are people who have survived. Even I am in awe at the resilance of this race.

Those that have survived are a viscous and aggressive people but I do not judge them for it as I can not fathom what they have had to endure in order to survive.

A war begins over who has rights to the land. Clarke unites with a male Bellamy in order to create cohesion in their group. The grounder's use basic weapons to fight while Clarke and her people have guns. Yet the grounder's are able to pick them off a few at a time. Clarke and her people use their ship to destroy their enemy. Only to find another enemy hidden, waiting in the shadows.

These new people, the mountain people, are friendly to Clarke and her friends but feeling of foreboding naws inside of me. Clarke seems to be wary of them too and searches for a reason,much to the dislike of her companions, as to why they are here.

Clarke being Clarke soon stumbles on the horrific truth. The mountain people are using the grounder's blood as a cure against their radiation poison.

I realise they will stop at nothing to cure themselves of and slowly start killing Clarke's friends.

I want to scream at the loss of the young adults who have had their lives taken.

Clarke somehow finds a way to escape and I am glad to follow her away from the horror that is going to happen inside the mountain.

A lot appears to have happened since we have been inside the mountain. More of Clarke's people have come to the surface. One of whom Clarke calls mum.

A grounder army has arrived outside Arkadia in retaliation for an injustice on an unarmed village. I follow Clarke to the leader of the grounder's tent. A commander who I have heard them speak of back before the attack on the first ship.

We enter the tent. It takes me a moment to realise that the strong young women, only slightly older than Clarke, is the commander. How can someone so young be in charge.

The commander speaks

"You are the one who killed 300 of my warriors"

Clarke replies

"You're the one who sent them to kill us"

The conversation continues and I have never seen such an interaction between two people. I feel their energy and their emotions and allow them to wash over me. My own emotions begin to join in this dance and I am full of euthoria.

Time goes by and both Clarke and the Commander, Lexa, attempt to work together in order to find peace and a way to defeat the mountain. I feel Lexa's emotions begin to grow. Adoration and respect for Clarke. I realise that both Lexa and I share this bond for Clarke.

They have their disagreements and one arises in the young girl Octavia. Lexa is concerned that Ocavia will betray her. Clarke stands up to Lexa on this matter and backs Lexa against a table.

Lexa's emotions wash over me with such force that I almost phase out of time. It is only my sheer will that holds me this moment. Lexa has never had anyone talk to her the way Clarke is talking to her right now. Her emotions are that of anguish, small amount of fear yet there is something else. A feeling that I thought had died, pure Love.

My emotions are released, mixing with Lexa's, which fills my entity up with a warmth that I have not felt for centuries.

I become enthralled and captured by these two powerful young beings who, I realise, must be lost soulmates finally other time finding one another again.

Clarke is upset and uncertain after she has confronted Lexa but she has a strong will and knows that what she said had to be said. Octavia is not a threat and killing her would cause more damage especially to Clarke's close friend and Octavia' s brother Bellamy.

Later, Clarke is asked back to Lexa's tent. She is apprehensive as to what will happen as am I. Lexa is apologetic and non aggressive. Clarke is soothed by her words and her change in manner seeing a new side to this strong independent woman.

Their exchange of words are calm and careful. Both explaining their thoughts and opinions on how their life is and should be.

Clarke finishes her response to Lexa's comment of life of a grounder and it's harshness. I feel her words and would wish them true for all this race. Life should be more.

Lexa moves into Clarke and kisses her. Their emotions, again, filling and mixing with my own. Never have I felt such raw passion. Then there is a feeling of confusion and slight upset from Clarke.

She has lost so much and been through a rollercoaster of incidences that have affected her. Yet she does feel something for Lexa.

I can not leave these two soulmates and follow their journey to the mountain. An end to which Clarke gains a hallow victory with the return of most of her friends yet I feel her soul shatter as she is betrayed by Lexa and then having to kill, again, in order to save her people.

I am overwrought with sadness and anger that I can not interfere and help with the burden that lays heavily on Clarke's shoulders. Clarke leaves her people in order to heal and attempt to find her way as she struggles with all that she has done since landing back on Earth.

I am in awe of this strong young woman and I begin to search through my memories and knowledge as to a solution against the laws that I am bound to follow. Yes, me race does not exist anymore and I could break the laws but there are consequences to that which are fixed in our DNA to stop us from doing so.

It is not long before Clarke is in danger. She is taken to a place, a city, called Polaris. Her hands are tied, she is gagged and a bag covers her head. Yet I can see who is waiting for her and I'm intrigued as to what will happen and why.

Clarke's reaction when the bag is taken off is just. The anger washes over me and it is not a warmth but a furnace. I can not feel Lexa's as Clarke's are too strong and I am trying not to allow them to overpower me.

Days follow and Lexa patiently waits to have a conversation with Clarke without her anger and hurt getting in the way. Slowly the begin to talk. Lexa very tentative at first to Clarke's feelings.

I feel Lexa's guilt and remorse for abandoning Clarke at the mountain and wish I could share this with Clarke herself.

Yet I needn't worry as the deep connection that I felt from their early interaction is still there.

Another threat arises challenging both these two friendship. A line has been set and Clarke has to choose whether to stay or go. I feel how torn she is in making a decision. Being at Polos and in Lexa's company has soothed her. She has not felt this calm and free in months. Lexa has taken over her thoughts and that first kiss plays on her mind more often now.

The time has come for Clakre to leave. She finds Lexa in her room. I feel their emotions and allow them the privacy that they deserve.

I wonder the corridors of the great tower. I do not really see them though as my thoughts are with the two women whom I have become attached to in a way that is almost foreign to me. I study my own feelings and realise, without knowing it, that I love them both. I no longer feel alone but apart of something magical.

I suddenly feel Clarke. She is scared. What has happened to make her feel this way. I go to her. I arrive at the same time as Lexa. A shot goes off and I feel both Lexa's pain and Clarke's.

My mind is blank. I can not think or see. The emotions, oh the emotions, are devastating and crushing me. This can not be happening. I watch as Lexa tries to calm Clarke. Clarke barks orders for cloth to stop the bleeding. I want to leave and go anywhere other than here yet I can not abandon them.

The wound is a mortal wound and slowly Lexa is lost. I scream my agony but only I can hear it. My own heart shatters into pieces along with Clarke's.

I watch as Titus, the flame keeper, removes something from Lexa's neck. A thought creeps through my head and becomes louder with each second. I can do something now. No laws would be broken.

I slip into the open wound on Lexa's neck and wait...

I feel her slowly coming round and hope that she will understand why I had to do, what I did.

Lexa

I awake to a room that is not mine.

I AM AWAKE?? But I died, didn't I? am I in the beyond? I have heard stories about when you die you go to a place of peace.

The room is large with white smooth walls which sparkle in the sun's light. Music drifts from somewhere unknown. The sound light and melodic. A breeze drifts through the open windows.

If this is the place of rest it has a slight beauty to it. An image comes into my mind. An image of a heart breaking into pieces. Tears fill my eyes and I am not ashamed to allow them to fall. I feel this loss as if I have been cut by a million swords. It hurts. This must be how I am punished for the wrongs I've done during my life. I live this heartbreak and will be haunted by the last image of that beautiful face.

"You are not being punished. It is the last memories you have. You are safe and well now"

Lexa looks around the room. There is noone there but her.

"Who are you, show yourself" she demands

" I am Kai, and I can not show myself as I am in you"

Lexa becomes aware of feelings that are not her own and the presence of another inside her.

"What have you done to me?" Lexa whispers

"I've done nothing. We are of kindred spirits you and I. I have come home"

"Am I dead, is this a dream?"

"No, you are not dead Lexa, I could not let that happen so I bound myself to you and have healed you"

"Why? What do you want of me?"

There is only one answer to Lexa's questions and I allow my emotions to flow along with my answer.

"Clarke"

Kai's word and emotions wash over me and through me. I realise that I was not alone in my love for this one woman and somehow the two of us are connected and bound by this love.

"Oh"

Is all that I can say for a minute whilst I process it all.

I should be scared, angry and hurt that an alien lifeform has invaded my body. Yet I feel at peace and unafraid by my new companion. I realise I can read her thoughts and she shows me nothing but love, compassion and adoration.

"Where are we?"

"We are not on Earth. Something happened. Prymfire is what it was called"

My aniexty rises and i have one thought. The only thought

"Clarke?"

" Before we left I reached out for her and she was safe and alive"

I let out my breath, of which, I did not realise I was holding until then.

" We have to go back"

"We will"

I suddenly feel Kai's tiredness wash over me. She has been hiding how much healing me has affected her. I am suddenly concerned with her wellbeing and that i could loss her if she does not rest.

"Rest Kai, we will find Clarke when you are well and strong."

"Yes, rest would be good. Lexa?"

"Yes,"

"The people here know of me and now of us. They are good people and peaceful souls. Listen and learn from them while I rest. You will love them as do I. We are safe here"

"Ok I will and Kai?"

"Yes my Lexa?"

"Thank you for saving me"

There is no spoken answer but I feel the love and adoration that Kai has for me which fills me with happiness and hope, no a knowledge, that we will see Clarke again...

TBC

[nothingofvaluewaslost]

STORY: The Snow Girl’s Tale

A dark retelling of the story of Snow White, mixing it with the tale of the Snow Queen. I realise that dark versions of Snow White aren’t uncommon, but I haven’t read one like this.

If you enjoyed it, check out my Patreon.

The Snow Girl’s Tale, by Christina Nordlander

Now Queen Heavy-Heart sat at her work with an ebony sewing-hoop, in a window overlooking the side of the castle where the snow lay deep-driven and unmarred all the way to the dark of the forest. Her health faltered more than its wont that day, and when she happened to prick the tip of her finger, even though the pain was not great, it seemed for a moment as if the little silver sting were the beginning of her death. She felt a fleeting disorientation, and when she looked down from the window, the drop of blood had fallen on the sheer snow and formed a many-pointed star.

“How beautiful it were,” said the Queen, “to have a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as ebony.”

The wish entered into her mind, and her heart, and into the secret chambers where the child grows in the woman – yes, deeper, into the stock of flesh where are the seeds to all limbs and nails and moles. It seems scarcely possible, but some months later she bore a daughter.

The Queen was weak already when she went with child, so that the physicians never let her out of sight. The birth was indeed a struggle that it seemed plain only one of the combatants would leave with her life; however, the Queen gradually recovered, after delivering a healthy girl child.

The Princess was beautiful when newborn, as if some divine hand had removed all that is animal or unformed in the infant and made her into a little woman. More beautiful she became as she grew into a child, and the Queen's wish was fulfilled in everything. For darkness lay in her hair, and her cheeks and lips were so red it seemed they would burst into blood when the gaze rested on them, and her skin was so pale that folk feared to touch it. Her father named her Snow, but many of his subjects would not use that name, either because it seemed to them little Christian or simply because it was easy to confuse with the weather, and thus she was given many by-names, like “Snow Girl,” or “Swan White,” or “Snow White.” She was quiet and meek, and all at the court loved her.

Her mother might have loved her, too, but watching the girl at play she found herself prey to some feeling that she did not herself understand and that disconcerted her. She remembered anxieties that had been unlike the regular travails of child-bearing, and had heard that the wet-nurse had complained of pains and found scars like white burns around her nipples.

Queen Heavy-Heart had a looking-glass, which she had received for a wedding gift from her royal husband's mother. It was large and its frame was set with gold leaf and glass. She spent a part of every day before it, for the hall was silent, and the glass' precise reproduction of the world was an aid to her thoughts.

One day she stood in the hall with the chequered floor where the glass hung, when Snow came running after a ball that she had dropped and that had gone rolling. The Queen stopped the ball and was about to greet her daughter with kinder words than usual, when her gaze went to the glass. Perhaps she wanted to see the two of them there, in the new clarity that came of the reversal.

It is common knowledge that a looking-glass cannot lie, as can the eyes of men. What the Queen saw was not foul, not a bogey or hobgoblin. She saw a fully grown woman standing in her daughter's place, somewhat abstracted and turned away. She was fair, but not a fairness on which the eyes wished to rest.

When she handed Snow the ball, their fingers brushed against each other, and the Queen felt as when one touches a red-hot iron, when at first the skin does not know whether it feels heat or cold. She could not stop herself from drawing a breath, but Snow did not seem to have noticed it. She had discovered the mirror and rushed to look in it. The Queen could do nothing, for fear that the Princess would notice her reflection, but as Snow studied the pattern in the frame and breathed on the glass, the mirror was overgrown with a coating of frost, until finally it was as dull as its silvered backside.

Snow had taken the ball and gone. The Queen walked to the mirror and waited for the cover of frost to melt, but it was so hard that she could barely scrape it off with her fingernail.

The year turned to autumn once more, then to early winter. During the winter, the Queen could look on her daughter with a more even mind. One reason was that then Snow seemed more cheerful, but another – and it took a long time for her to realise it – was that she did not need fear to see anything unnatural in how Snow fitted into the world.

One day she stood in the warmth of the heated gatehouse and saw Snow and her nursemaid come hurtling around the wall where the snow lay high. When the Queen emerged, the nursemaid was carrying something small in one glove.

“It still breathes,” said Snow, holding a finger before the squirrel's nose. “Let's bring it somewhere warm, then perhaps it will wake up again.”

“I say we should bring it to the kitchen, Your Highness,” said the nursemaid. “It is more than sufficiently warm, and the scullery maids will be able to feed it when it rallies.”

“No,” said the Princess, skipping beside her in the snow. “Please, let me keep it in my apartment. I will take such good care of it. You can come and see to it when your chores permit, if you don't believe me.”

It happened as the Princess commanded, but that evening the nursemaid came hurrying from Snow's chambers. When the Queen asked her what had happened, she soon collected herself to say that she wished to ask leave as soon as possible to tend her sick father back home.

When the Queen went there later – while Snow sat in the apartment below with her schoolmistress –, the chambers were cold and clean as though no-one lived there. She walked across silencing carpets and between misty draperies, eyes screwed to their utmost sharpness as she kept watch for anything that did not mesh. When she heard a sound in the hallway, her neck stiffened in its turning and she was ready to rush headlong. Then she realised that a child, her own daughter, was affecting her in this way.

Only after a while’s search, when her heartbeat had slowed, did she find something. In Snow's bedchamber stood a writing-desk, and in its drawers lay many birds and small animals lined up as winter had struck them. They lay on white muslin cloth, and for a while the Queen could still believe that Snow had laid them there so that the warmth would quicken them. On some, the eyes and ears were touched by decay, but the greatest part were preserved like light and dry toys, for it was biting cold and all the heating-stoves were black with ash.

The Queen hurried out. She could not bring herself to send a servant or a man-at-arms into that apartment. She returned with a reticule, carried Snow's collection outside, and buried it herself in the refuse heap. That night she also burnt the reticule.

Another year was added to Snow's life. In her early childhood she had been ailing in the summer, and the physicians had kept her in bed-rest and given her hearty soups when the sweat stood in visible beads on her forehead. However, thereupon followed a few years of cold and rainy summers when the girl's liveliness barely faltered, and the Queen felt her heart sink from a hope that had been hidden even from herself.

Day after day she spent in the hall with the chequered floor, and evening after evening, until the shadows flickered on the drapes which were rust red, and her own thoughts frightened her.

To keep her child in the fear of the Lord, to try to shape what was incomprehensible in her so that it bent towards the good? She had tried, she had sat at Snow's lessons in religion and philosophy, and advised the schoolmistresses and attempted to add her own instructions. Once she had tested Snow on points in the Catechism, but the girl's answers had been so strange, and hinged on things never mentioned in Scripture, that her mother had soon felt a vertigo as though from a real illness.

Was an ill nature always born from an ill nature, could one save the world room and board for an evil-doer by letting the hangman stand at all evil women's child-beds and straightaway take the child? Reason and charity spoke against it: every ensouled human being had to choose between salvation and damnation. Yet Athaliah had sprung from Jezebel, a Fury from a Fury.

The sticking point – and here her thoughts always ground to a halt – was that Snow was not human. If a being of her kind had found its way into the castle, would she have hesitated to call the men-at-arms to kill it, even if it had taken the form of her daughter?

One morning, in the light before dawn, she called on the royal forester, a massy-shouldered and badger-grey man whose loyalty had never failed her husband. She gave him his task and handed him a box of heavy ebony.

“And when it is done,” she ended, “show me her heart as proof.”

Her voice never faltered as she spoke. She was faint and beside herself as if she had not breathed in, and perhaps that gave her the strength she needed until the task was given.

When the forester's footsteps clattered out in the hallway, she could afford to sit down. It did not feel as though she needed to yet. She stood in the window-drapes, like when she had wanted to hide as a child, and saw the mounted figure with the smaller on the saddle in front shrink against the wall of forest, until they were too far for a message to reach them in time.

She had nodded off in her high-backed chair when a step creaked on the threshold. It was the forester. Without a word and without raising his eyes he gave her the box. She would have liked to dismiss him, but she brought herself to first raise the lid to ascertain that he was speaking the truth.

When she saw the contents there was no more doubt, no possibility that he had killed a boar and cut out its dark and deeply ridged heart to lure her off her trace. The heart in the box was more brittle than those of men, and she thought she could see a hole. When she lowered the lid, the light in the hall dimmed a little.

She needed to tell her husband that his daughter was no longer alive. At present, she put her attention to how to deal with the heart.

Afterwards, men might say that she had eaten Snow's heart, like a heathen god crouching in a grotto. She would never have consumed a particle of such a thing. She did not want to burn it, for she did not know what might float on the air with the smoke. She thought about taking it to the forge and crushing it with a sledge-hammer, for it looked as though it might have been filigree, but that would still have given her splinters to destroy. At last she buried it in a corner of her bower, a long way from the fruit-trees.

*

The months went by, but at last Queen Heavy-Heart – the Queen Dowager now, for her husband had not long survived the news of his only daughter's death – had word from her informers that the princess lived. She believed them, for grey clouds had chased across the sky, and families went begging when unformed grains of corn provided no more nourishment than hailstones.

Thrice she went to the exile with dangerous gifts, in a clearing where the forest had grown so close that it resembled corded rock hewn out close around the cottage. Her daughter received her, and by that time she was alone there. The Queen gave her a bodice that sucked out her breath, and a poisonous comb that fastened in her hair that resembled masses of darkness, and at last a burning coal hid in an apple-skin, which stuck in her throat and began to consume her strength.

The Queen stood long over her body, in that cottage that seemed no longer a cottage, for frost had grown and twined across the walls in patterns that were more beautiful than even the inlays in Moorish palaces. She did not see Snow move. Only when she heard a noise outside the door did she come to her senses and picked her way through the forest without being seen.

Many months later came word that the Crown Prince of the neighbouring country had chosen a wife and was to hold his wedding. The Queen Dowager started at the news, as though from the emergence of a forgotten dream. She was now fully freed of her duties at court, since a nephew of her husband ruled, but she had not lost all her influence. She sent informers to learn what they could about the royal wedding, and they returned to tell her that the bride had been found as though dead in a clearing glistening with unnatural snow, preserved in a casket of ice that had spun around her in designs of a beauty unsurpassed on Earth or in Heaven. The King of the realm had heard of her beauty and that of the casket and ordered them taken to court, but one of the bearers had stumbled on a tree-root, the casket had fallen, and an object had been shaken loose from the dead maiden's throat and allowed her to breathe. In truth, the Queen hardly needed to hear the story. She had known when she was told of the bride's appearance.

The Queen Dowager could not think further than to their imminent encounter. She knew that it would be the last, for either herself or Snow would not survive it. She arranged for her nephew to receive a forged letter with a different date for the wedding, and prepared her own journey. In all her preparations she was calm, as if she could no longer fail, even if her own death were to follow. She took two men-at-arms for escort, the best swordsmen at the court, and she also girded herself with a light sword and let them train her in its use during the journey, though she was no longer young and would not have time to learn more than the rudiments. It was not through force of arms that she would conquer.

As she approached the throne-room she could already hear wedding-music and the throb of dancing feet. She was late, what did it matter? She came into the hall, her men behind her, and before the King and all the people she denounced the bride as a devil and a witch. Was it true? She had no better words.

She saw heads turn and heard swords slide from scabbards like the beginnings of the movement of a shimmering machinery. She trembled, but stood firm.

“If you do not believe me,” she said, “I ask the ladies of the court to open her bodice and see that she is without a heart. For her heart is here.”

And with those words she opened the ebony box, which she had dug out from the corner of the bower where the herbs had grown up brittle and frost-white and then died.

Only then did Snow turn to her. She did not speak – she had always been quiet –, but an innocent smile grew on her lips. At her gesture, one of her ladies in waiting came and unlaced her bodice, which was smooth and white as the flesh beneath, and bared a bosom where only the Queen could see the scar with its faint stitches. On the Princess’ request, the groom's mother put a finger on her chest and affirmed that she could feel a heartbeat.

“Since she has come to attend our wedding,” said the Prince, “let her dance.”

His words came with difficulty. A dark stain, as though from spilled wine, had seeped down the left side of his doublet.

The hangman's men came with a pair of slim shoes of iron. They set them in the fire that flamed high and still, for the hall was very cold. They carried them in tongs to the Queen Dowager, and she saw a flame-pattern of brittle white on their surface. By then, she and her guards had drawn their swords. The men sold their lives dear and were cut down on the bright floor. For her, it would not be as quick.

A man put her foot in the first shoe, and for a long moment her body did not know whether it felt heat or cold.

Snow looked on and smiled all the while, as she had smiled when she had been a child and had thrown her ball in the hallways of the castle. A spot of shining ice had begun to spread around her feet.

END

[ellayvonne]

I Tried Intermittent Fasting for a Month | Something New

Hello, friends! I've been trying to keep up my something new project each month throughout quarantine in an effort to develop better habits and work on self improvement - even during this weird time. Especially when it comes to health and work-life balance, my habits were all over the place at the beginning of quarantine, so I've spent the better part of 6 months trying to develop better ones! Enter intermittent fasting.

What is intermittent Fasting?

Intermittent fasting is where you fast for a long period of time and only eat within a shorter eating window usually in the hopes of achieving some sort of health benefit. The theory of how intermittent fasting works is that when you fast, your body is in a state of ketosis where you are using the extra fat in your body as energy. Intermittent fasting purports to put our bodies into this state of ketosis and also boasts a ton of other health benefits. Intermittent fasting can be done for days at a time or only within certain hours of the day. Some people choose to fast for 2 days and eat for 4 days, some people choose 20 hours of fasting and a 4 hour eating window, but the most common intermittent fasting routine is 16 hours of fasting and an 8 hour eating window - usually somewhere around 12:00 pm - 8:00 pm

While there is a long history of fasting in humans (e.g., certain religions have been fasting for periods much longer than this throughout history), the research on intermittent fasting specifically is more sparse.

The Science:

Based on what I could find, the TL;DR of the science behind intermittent fasting is that there really aren't enough studies about it for us to understand the full benefits or harms of intermittent fasting. There are studies on rats (not the same as humans) and there are studies on intermittent fasting in small samples of humans for short periods of time, but none of these are truly indicative of what long-term effects intermittent fasting might have on us. Therefore, if you choose to try intermittent fasting, know that it's truly experimental in nature and that the effects that people claim to experience from intermittent fasting might be specific only to that person, so listen to your body and make sure that anything you do is best for you.

Why I wanted to do it:

To reduce bloating and re-establish healthier eating habits.

Pre-quarantine, I wasn't necessarily the perfect eater, but I was busy enough running around on campus that I didn't have the opportunity to sit in my living room and eat 24/7 🙂. Since quarantine, my eating habits have truly been aaaaaaalll over the place. I'm already generally a healthy eater (thank you, mom) BUT I am also 100% one of those people that eats when I'm bored and has very little self control around potato chips and ice cream (it's all about balance right? 😜). The only strategy that usually works for me is getting out of the house to keep my mind busy and banning junk food from my apartment because I know as soon as it enters the apartment, it's as good as gone. So, I wanted to try intermittent fasting to see if I could reset my brain into less snacking, better eating habits, and hopefully less bloating.

The Rules:

There aren't clear guidelines on what to eat during that intermittent fasting period and how long you should fast. This is part of the reason why the evidence behind intermittent fasting is spotty - there are no rules for how to do it, so the effects are inconsistent. I opted for the most common 16:8 fasting rule and fasted for 16 hours with an 8 hour eating window. I am an early bird so I chose an earlier eating window - from 10:30 am to 6:30 pm.

Since there weren't really any hard and fast rules for what you could or could not eat during intermittent fasting and what was supposedly okay to eat during your fasting period, I decided to do what I affectionately called "lazy" intermittent fasting - AKA I let myself drink coffee with creamer in the mornings before my fasting period was over because...let's be honest. I am a nightmare pre-coffee and I wasn't going to put myself (or my partner) through that 🙂

My Experience:

Alright, so I tried it for 30 days. What was it like?

The mornings were tough for a while: Hunger-wise, the mornings were tough for me. For the first 2 weeks, I was pretty hungry by 8:30 or 9:00 but had to wait another 1-2 hours to eat. Full disclosure, I wake up at around 5:30 in the mornings so waiting until 10:30 is a whole 5 hours!

Your body adjusts: Even though those first couple of weeks were difficult for me, my body started to adjust over time. I'd still be pretty hungry by the time 10:30 rolled around but over time, I was no longer hungry at 8 or 9 and it became easier to wait it out. Eating first thing in the morning has been a longtime habit of mine and it was interesting to see how quickly my body seemed to adjust.

Reduces the need to make decisions: As a social scientist, I'm all about the psychology here - and intermittent fasting definitely helped to reduce the amount of decision-making power I needed in the mornings. Studies have shown that your willpower is a limited resource so if you're using that making decisions about when, what, and how much to eat you have less willpower to make other decisions.

Challenges the assumption that you have to eat three meals a day: Another good thing I experienced from intermittent fasting was that it challenged my assumption that I needed to eat three meals a day. Don't get me wrong, I love eating any chance I can get but I often eat a meal at the "right" time just because I've been taught that I should be eating at that time - not because I'm actually hungry.

Listen to your body: There were a couple of days during my intermittent fasting period where I woke up with a headache or didn't feel 100%. On those days, I completely ditched fasting and took care of my body first.

I found it difficult to stick with it: Only being able to eat within an 8 hour window sounds easier than it actually is - especially during non-COVID times. If you're interested at all in socializing and eating/drinking with people outside of your eating window then you have to either break your fast or be the party pooper that doesn't eat. Since I decided to try intermittent fasting during COVID it wasn't as difficult since socializing is limited, but there were certainly still times where I broke my fast in order to have a glass of wine while watching the Bachelor 😂

Shop Similar:

So, What Happened?

Well, not a whole lot changed in my body after trying intermittent fasting. This could have been partially because I was doing it "lazily" but I truly felt that a lot of the benefits I experienced from intermittent fasting were more psychological than anything.

Greater awareness of the things I ate: Because I was doing intermittent fasting, I was more aware of the things I was putting in my body. The process drew awareness to what I was eating so I definitely ate healthier than I normally would have.

More intuitive eating: I was also listening a lot more to my body when it came to when I was hungry and why I was eating! Because I was intermittent fasting, my brain would do a double take every time I decided I was hungry and realize I was hungry only because I was bored...not because I was actually hungry 😛

I bloated less: Although nothing about my body really changed (e.g., weight, exercise routine etc), I definitely bloated significantly less than I normally do. I think this was mostly due to the fact that I like to enjoy snacks and a bit of booze in the evenings- which really didn't mix with intermittent fasting! Having an eating period that ended at 6:30 meant I snacked a lot less in the evenings and had to give up a drink I might've normally had at 8 pm ☹️

Will I continue?

Sort of. I'm a creature of habit and I like having a mixed drink while I'm watching my trashy reality TV, okay?! It's the simple things in life haha! The reason I say I'll sort of continue is because intermittent fasting has made me a lot more aware of when I'm actually hungry and when I'm not. Being more aware of my actual hunger cues has made me realize I'm actually not that hungry at 5:30 am - contrary to what my habits might tell me. So, while I won't be adhering strictly to an intermittent fasting schedule, I've tried to stick with eating later in the day when I'm actually hungry and trying to only snack when I'm hungry and not when I'm bored.

Long story short, while I think intermittent fasting was a valuable experiment, I think the primary driver of people seeing actual changes in their body is really driven by reducing their calorie intake because eating in a shorter window of time just means you're going to end up eating less overall.

Thanks so much for stopping by and I hope this was helpful for you! If you've tried intermittent fasting, leave me a comment below - I'd love to hear what your experience was like!

[emberkissed-blog]

105 Witchy Questions

Prepare for a big wall of text, because I’m about to answer A LOT of questions.

1. Are you solitary or in a coven? I’m solitary, but my fiancee and a couple of my best friends are also practicing witches or pagans (or coming into practicing one or the other) so I have a tiny community to talk to and a partner to work with.

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other? I am a pantheist pagan and a witch.

3. What is your zodiac sign? sun: Libra ( ♎ ); moon: Leo ( ♌ ); sun/moon midpoint: Scorpio ( ♏ ); ascending: Gemini ( ♊ ).  I don’t have my other heavenly bodies on hand, but these are the ones I pay attention to the most.

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess? Loki is my patron god.  I do not have a matron right now.

5. Do you work with a Pantheon? I focus on the Norse pantheon, but I’m open to being called by other deities.

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or 
any other kind of divination? I looooooove tarot and oracle card divination.  I would like to learn runes and get a set or two at some point, but right now I’m completely dedicated to cards.

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any) Rose petals are one of my go-to things, I include them in so many of my herbal workings as a representation of myself or as a dash of love.  Roses are my favorite flowers and their smell just makes me feel so good.

8. How would you define your craft? Eclectic and freeform.  I do a lot of research and learn from others, but ultimately I choose how I do my craft.  I modify the spells, recipes, etc. I find all the time, and let my heart guide my actions in ritual.

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do? I don’t curse but I don’t care if others do.

10. How long have you been practicing? I declared myself a pantheist in 2007, learned tarot in 2008, became a pagan and started witchcraft in 2010, and re-devoted to my craft and spirituality after a long time away in 2016.

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars? I’m not sure.  I am still not well versed in what a familiar is to a witch in real life.  I do have a black cat and we are very attached to each other, though.

12. Do you believe in Karma or 
Reincarnation? Absolutely.

13. Do you have a magical name? I do not.

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”? In and out at the same time.  I’m out to my friends, in to my family.  (Incidentally I don’t believe a witch who isn’t queer should use this phrase, but since I am queer I won’t make a big fuss about it right now.)

15. What was the last spell you performed? I did a day-long prosperity ritual ending with a candle spell at midnight on New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable? In some things, but I know I have a lot to learn about others.

17. Do you write your own spells? Most of the time, yes.

18. Do you have a book of shadows?
If so, how is it written and/or set up? I prefer to call it my grimoire, but it serves the same purpose so yes.  It’s a mix of typed and handwritten pages and is a collection of personally made stuff, as well as resources I print out, and it’s all compiled in a binder.  A few years down the line I might make a proper book, but right now a binder suits my study best.

19. Do you worship nature? I’m not sure I worship nature, necessarily?  But I do revere nature.

20. What is your favorite gemstone? Clear quartz and black tourmaline are tied.  I like to joke that my favorite stones are quartz, tourmaline, and tourmalated quartz.

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work? I do, but only objects that were found or taken from an animal that was hunted for food.

22. Do you have an altar? Absolutely, I love my altar.  I hope to upgrade it to a working altar later this year.

23. What is your preferred element? Fire.

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist? I’m not sure, what do you consider an alchemist?

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch? Would you count diviner as a magical practitioner?

26. What got you interested in witchcraft? The active aspect of it.  I never liked the idea of only having prayer because it felt so passive.  Witchcraft felt like I was making an active change to my life and holding some level of control, and that felt really right for me.

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch? I’ve attended rituals with people who weren’t declared witches but were interested in the craft and wanted to observe.

28. Have you ever used ouija? Nnnnnnnnooooooo.

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic? I have strong intuition and can sense strong spirits sometimes, but I don’t personally consider myself a psychic.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it? I have a white dragon spirit companion.  I used to have a wolf, but it turned out she was a fragment of my patron that he would separate from himself to guide me sometimes.

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started? To check my local library for metaphysical books and not assume that because I lived in a Christian place that they wouldn’t have any.  Also to do plenty of research before you ever try anything.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite? I do, my favorite is Samhain.

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children? I don’t intend to have children, but if I did I would teach them to be open to religions and spirituality, and if they decided they wanted to learn witchcraft when they were older (say, 15+) I would be willing to teach them.

34. Do you meditate? I do, but not often because I’m still learning to meditate without guided audio.

35. What is your favorite season? Right when spring is turning to fall is my favorite, but if I have to pick a general season, then autumn.

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform? Candle magic, probably.

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life? I spend time at my altar and work with my divination cards everyday.  Lately I’ve read or studied something to do with my spirituality everyday also.

38. What is your favorite witchy movie? I’m not sure tbh. 

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why? I’m not sure about this one either.  I’ve read/am reading so many witchy books that it’s hard to pick favorites.  (I mean it’s hard for me to pick favorites in general, so.)

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not. I performed a ritual to declare myself a witch and be recognized by the Moon.

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you? About 8 hours after I did a quick money spell a friend I don’t talk to often gave me $30, that was pretty surprising at the time.

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use? Hands down the tall glass candles.  I know them as 7-day candles, but I know that’s not their common name.  I’m just.... blanking on what their common name is...

43. What is your favorite witchy tool? CRYSTALS.  And divination cards.

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools? I’ve gathered components for things but haven’t fashioned any tools.  Right now I’m hoping to make a wand or athame out of some deer bones pulled from a leg gifted to us by my fiancee’s brother-in-law.

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits? Dragons count, right?  Since a dragon is my spirit companion I feel like I can count that.

46. Do you practice color magic? To a degree.  I do incorporate color into my overall spell and sigil work.

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind? When I first became a pagan I had a mentor for about a month who taught me tarot and was helping me learn, but we parted ways because I moved away.

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies? I prefer going to local shops so I can pick out everything myself, especially since I work a lot with crystals and want to get the ones I feel the best about.  It can be expensive, though.

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate? I believe our decisions are constantly creating or changing the fate we could have.  Big decisions set us on certain roads with certain outcomes, but we can always change at least part of that if we try hard enough.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice? I spend time at my altar and light all the candles on it, I handle my crystals and feel their energy, I handle my tarot and oracles, and sometimes I meditate.

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences? Several of them from childhood and adulthood.  It would take me a while to go into detail with them all.  Remembering them was one of the driving forces to me becoming a pagan and witch. 52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve? Elitism, when people think Wicca and witchcraft are synonymous, and “men can’t be witches.”

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent? I looooove incense.  I’m not sure what is my favorite scent, though.  I haven’t been able to burn any for a while because one of our roommates gets headaches from it, so I feel like I’ve forgotten what my different ones smell like.

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind? I write my dreams into my regular journal if I feel like they’re worth recording.

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster? Overspending on several supplies when I shouldn’t have been and feeling like I “needed” them to practice “proper” witchcraft.

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success? Meditative journeying, probably.  I’ve seen some amazing results from it.

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about? I get sheepish about talking out loud when doing any spell or deity work while others might be in the house, so I tend to whisper softly.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too? Yes I do.  Witchcraft is a practice separate from religion.

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work? Sometimes, yes.  I think a lot of people who come from a Christian background struggle with those feelings when they’re first starting out, or even for a while afterward sometimes.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain? Umm, I don’t think so.  There is definitely a standard I want to be at, but it doesn’t feel unattainable to me.

61. What is something witch related that you want right now? A BIGGER ALTAR (and the space for it.)

62. What is your rune of choice? Kenaz and Eihwaz.  They’re both tattooed on my chest, opposite my heart.

63. What is your tarot card of choice? I know this is weird, but I love the Ten of Swords.  For me the Ten of Swords reminds me of the hard times and the traumas I endured and survived through.  

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite? I do.  My favorite right now is lemongrass.  I find it very calming.

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses? I haven’t, but I’d be open to the idea.

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public? I do, but most people don’t seem to notice because I tend to wear my stuff on my wrist.

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch? Not yet, knock on wood.

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines? Not right now.

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft? To a degree, yes I do.  It’s important for all of us to know some of the history of where we or the people before us came from.

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch? Can I say everything?  All of it just makes me feel so good.

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch? How much I end up spending on supplies lmao.

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band? I don’t right now, but I’m into the idea of looking for some at some point.

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how? I tend to do some kind of ritual or something on full moons.  Charging crystals, spell work, putting out offerings, charging water.  Something or other.

74. Do you ever work skyclad? I do not due to my dysphoria.

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how? Absolutely.  It would take me too long to tell you just how it has, so I’ll just say yes, it definitely has, and I never want to go back.

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice? My connection to deity and the experiences with true magic that I’ve had.

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc) Kind of have to since I have a dragon in my life, huh?  I believe fantasy creatures, like deities, are energy beings that take certain forms when they interact with us, whether it’s just the form they devised for themselves or the form that works best for us when interacting with them.

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol? I made my own sigil out of my name and shaped it like a crown, my personal symbol.  That’s definitely my favorite.

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not? So far I haven’t at all.  Blood magic is a pretty Big Thing to me so it’s not something I’m ready to do.

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice? No, absolutely not.  I would understand them respecting my right to do it and just not being into it themselves, but if they actively didn’t support me that would be an end to our relationship.  This is a very important part of my life.

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow? Right now, meditation.

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice? ROSESSSSS.  I would, but I don’t have any right now.  I should get some.

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it? If it’s a big ritual then I’ll shower and clean the space.  If not, I generally light the candles I always keep on my altar before the ritual itself and let them burn for a few minutes.

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice? There are these two witches on Youtube named Owlvine Green and Kelly-Ann Maddox, and I adore their videos.  I watch them all the time and will repeat their videos when I feel like it.  I find them very inspiring.

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity? Meditation and divination.

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients? I put stones in those plastic organization boxes for jewelry and beads and alllll my herbs are stored in jars.  We have a drawer shelf for organizing all our supplies, ingredients, and altar furniture not being used at the time.

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of? Not that I know of.

88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it? Just from experience and study, really.  It’s unique because it’s mine.  We all do things a little different, and that’s what makes them ours.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they? I have a strong intuition and I can sense spirits sometimes.  Not so much hear them, just feel like they are there.  It was a factor in me becoming a witch, yes.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven? Well to be just a witch I don’t believe you have to be initiated at all.  To my knowledge that’s a pretty Wiccan belief and part of their religion.

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought? Crystals, for sure.  Crystals and gemstones have always been one of the things I was drawn to the most, even before I became a witch.  Also a tarot deck.

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been? Kodiak Island, Alaska.  I grew up there and experienced a number of magical incidents there.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities? Don’t rush.  You don’t need a patron or matron.  It took me seven years to have one.  It’s nice, but it doesn’t make you any less of a pagan not having one.  If you feel like you’re on the way to one, still take your time.  Develop a relationship, live in it for a while, then consider making them your p/matron.

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation? I lie down in bed in a comfortable position that won’t make me feel sleepy, ground myself, get my breathing under control, and let go.

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it? It came very easily for me because I’ve always been a really creative and imaginative person and have visualized what I make or read all the time.

96. Do you prefer day or night? Why? Neither, I prefer twilight.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work? The time you think is most appropriate for the spell you want to do and the place you feel safest/most at home doing the spell.

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly? I probably stumbled a little, but overall I felt fine about it.  I don’t feel as strongly about the idea that the circle must be cast as others.

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice? Sure.  Most things do get easier in some way with enough time and practice.

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces? I believe there is a Great Conscious Energy to the universe and all the gods are the facets of that energy, because we would not be able to fully comprehend this energy as a whole.  One are many and many are one.  The gods we worship are the facets of that great energy we connect to the most.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy? Yes I do.  I’m against factory farming, but not against the idea of eating meat and animal products responsibly.

102. What is your favorite color and why? Purple and pink are my faves, but I couldn’t really tell you why.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond? “Do you worry that you’ll go to Hell?” “I don’t believe any mortal being goes to Hell.”

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest? Sight, maybe?

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice? "You don’t need all the fancy tools to be a witch.”  I fall victim to wanting tools for everything allll the time.  They make me feel better, because I know one of my primary faults as a person is materialism.

[reesesxpieces]

BASICS:

What is your character’s full name?: Theresa Renee Raven

The name “Theresa” is a feminine named used by the English, German, Swedish, Norwegian, and Danish.  

History: From the Spanish and Portuguese name Teresa. It was first recorded as Therasia, being borne by the Spanish wife of Saint Paulinus of Nola in the 4th century. The meaning is uncertain, but it could be derived from Greek θερος (theros) "summer", from Greek θεριζω (therizo) "to harvest", or from the name of the Greek island of Therasia (the western island of Santorini).The name was mainly confined to Spain and Portugal during the Middle Ages. After the 16th century it was spread to other parts of the Christian world, due to the fame of the Spanish nun and reformer Saint Teresa of Ávila. Another famous bearer was the Austrian Habsburg queen Maria Theresa (1717-1780), who inherited the domains of her father, the Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI, beginning the War of the Austrian Succession. {source: http://www.behindthename.com/name/theresa } 

Does your characters have any nicknames?

Theresa is often called “Reese” which she does not mind, and actually prefers. 

What is the title or label you can describe your character with?: 

Intrepid Reporter

Age: 

30 (as of 12/10/2016)

Birthday:

12/10/1986

Nationality: 

Theresa is a mixture of nationalities being: Mostly German, but having bloodlines of the: English, Irish, Italian, and a hint of Cherokee Indian. 

She was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA. 

She has an American Accent, but from time to time a “Pittsburghese”  word will slip into her everyday speech though it doesn’t happen very often.  

Origin: 

Theresa’s father was born in Houston, Texas, USA. His nationality is German.

Theresa’s mother was born in New Orleans, Louisiana, USA. She’s a mix of:  English, Irish, Italian, and a hint of Cherokee Indian.

Gender: 

Female

She/Her

Sexual Orientation:

Heterosexual

Relationship Status:

Dating Adam Butler

Religion: 

Christian (Non denominational)

Her father was Methodist, and her mother Catholic, but neither of them forced religion in the household. Growing up, Reese was encouraged to go to church and find God. She went to a non-denominational church, and considers herself to be a Christian, though she doesn’t believe that you have to be a church-goer to be close to God. 

Occupation:  

Administrative Assistant for Denver’s Agricultural Extension Office.

Her office is a part of the University of Denver’s Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (or simply UD/IFAS) who has a memorandum of understanding with local government. 

What this means is that he works for local government as well as the University to provide research to Denver’s residents. Her salary is 60% University paid, while the other 40% is paid by the county.

She answers general inquires regarding horticulture, 4-H Youth Development, and Family Matters. She’s the first person you see when you walk in the door, who will then direct you to the proper agent, if available. If the particular agent that specializes in the certain topic is out in the field, she will take it upon herself to research the answers for them. She also often tends to help out with 4-H a lot, which has her traveling to nearby towns as well as Denver for seminars and meetings.

She has two degrees: One an AA in Office Technology, Administrative Assisting, and another AA in General Studies: Business Administration. While this position was not her first choice, she has grown to love it - although she may complain about it, and will think twice about leaving it for a better opportunity. 

PHYSICAL TRAITS:

Eye color:

Blue

Hair color: 

Brunette. She does get it professionally colored on occasion when she wants a change, but she tends to keep it dark. 

Height: 

5 ft 2 in or 157 cm

Body build: 

Slender

Notable physical traits: 

Less than average women’s height 

Left-handed

Skin color:

Depends on the time of year. 

Summer/Spring: Tanned

Fall/Winter: Pale

Facial Hair: Only applies to male characters.

Blood type:

O

Clothing size:

Small 

Shoe size: 

Seven

HEALTH AND IMAGE:

Diet: 

Theresa will just about eat anything you put in front of her, and it’s very rare that she turns down an offer for food.

Fitness: 

Theresa tries to work out as much as she can. 

Currently she is on a plan where she does strength training Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and cardio on Tuesdays and Thursdays

She loves lifting weights and using weight machines, but despises traditional cardio and will often use the term “cardio is hardio.”

Handicaps: 

No known handicaps

Allergies:

Seasonal

Pollen

Dust

Illnesses: 

No known illnesses

Disorders: 

No known disorders

Broken bones: 

Broke her wrist in three places when she was nine years old as a result of falling off of her bike when her brakes gave out.

Piercings:

Ears

Tattoos:

None, but she has thought of getting one.

Scars:

No major scars. She is accident prone though so she may get small scars from time to time, that will heal quickly and disappear. 

Favorite Perfume / Cologne: 

She doesn’t have a favorite perfume or cologne, but she does wash her hair with tea tree oil shampoo and conditioner, and along with applying deodorant, she also sprays her body with vanilla body spray after her showers

CHARACTER:

Skills: 

Theresa is somewhat a jack of all trades as far as skills goes. She loves to learn new things and still strives to learn something new to this day. Throughout life she has learned the following:

Singing

Dancing

Piano

Drums

Acting/Drama/Musical Theater

Web Design/Coding

Body flexibility

Just to name a few!

Quirks: 

Affectionate

Tries to find the silver lining in every situation.

Tries to save the world and give advice for all of her friend’s problems.

Speaks in lyrics

Uses sarcastic humor any chance she can get - especially in awkward situations

Bounces her leg when she’s nervous and sitting.

Rambles and doesn’t have much of a filter when she speaks

Not afraid to use foul language.

Yelling at inanimate objects 

Hates when people whistle in an otherwise quiet room

Turns on closed captioning/subtitles when watching television/movies

Typing aggressively when she’s pissed off, even though the offender can't see it. 

Not knowing what to do while people sing "Happy Birthday" to her. 

Not being able to sleep without the tv or radio on.

Hobbies:

Researching

Learning

Writing

Singing

Dancing

Listening to music

Watching TV/Movies

Painting

Web Design

Photography

Scrapbooking

Eating

Shopping

Traveling

Being sarcastic

Habits: 

Overthinking/Over-analyzing

Speaking in lyrics

Sarcasm

Swearing

Always wanting to be there for those she loves most whether they are family, friends, or friends who have turned family

Daydreams

Guilty pleasures: 

Country Music

Sleeping in the nude

Taking long showers/soaks in the bath

Reality TV

Sleeping In

Dancing/Singing like no one is watching

McDonald’s McRibs

Pet peeves: 

Unnecessary rudeness

People with an inflated sense of their own importance.

When someone comes into a room, but forgets to shut the door

When someone comes into a room, turns on a light, then leaves without turning it off

Whistling

Loud chewing

Late people (unless they have a valid reason)

When others don’t cover their nose/mouth when they sneeze/cough

When people walk too slowly or just suddenly stop in front of her

When people drive too slowly

When people don’t use their turn signals when driving

When people don’t say “thank you”

Being interrupted or talked over when speaking

When someone goes to tell her something then says “Nevermind”

When Taco Bell drive-thru asks if she wants any sauce, she confirms that she does, but winds up getting no sauce.

MISC.:SHOULD BE WRITTEN IN CHARACTER

Favorite genre of music:

This is such a tough question to answer, because I will literally listen to anything. I have favorite country songs, rap songs, even horror-core songs. But if I had to pick a specific genre, it’d probably be a toss up between Rock or what is known as “emo”.

Favorite dish:

Again this is a tough one, because I love food so much. But if I had to choose one thing to eat for the rest of my life, I’d probably go with pizza since I can change up the different types of pizza and have a variety.

Favorite animal:

Seahorses

A superpower your characters wants to have:

Shapeshifting

If they made a movie about your character their life, what would the title be?:

“How is a Raven like a Writing Desk?” 

Food or sex:

Why not both?

Their life’s theme song: 

Bon Jovi - “It’s My Life”

Favorite day of the week and why?:

Saturday, because it’s the motha-fuckin’ weekend, gonna have me some fun!

What came first, the chicken or the egg?:

The chicken...because of Noah’s arc, who laid more eggs, to give us more chickens?

Do you prefer hot or cold weather and why?:

Hot. I hate when the air hurts my face.

Describe your first crush: 

He was a shy, dorky theater geek, like me who had a voice that everyone envied. He was taller than me (who isn’t), and had dark hair, blue eyes, and thick Drew Carey like glasses. He would often be cast as the star in all of our high-school productions. Although he had many talents, he was the nicest guy you could ever encounter. It helped that I had a crush on him when we were in productions together, because the chemistry didn’t need to be faked out, but nothing became of that crush because my dad told me that I couldn’t date until “after I was married.” His name was William.

Your house is on fire. What are the first three things you grab?:

Phone, purse, and military flag from my father’s death

{All answers based off of the character’s life as of: 03/07/2017}

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

CHARACTER PROFILE: ANGIE

Hi readers! The winner of one of my silly competitions asked for an “all Angie” thing as a prize and of course I must oblige now. Well, she asked me like almost two months ago, but if you regularly read my blog you know what my usual timing is by now so you won’t be surprised.

I hope you like it! Let me know what you think about this ;)

WARNING: don’t read this if you’re not at Chapter 42 yet, there are a few spoilers!

Have a good read!

***

Name: Angie W. Pacifico, but something about her name will be revealed in chapter 43

Role in the story: she’s the main original female character of the story

Scene where she first appears: Chapter 1, at the mini mart, when young customers make fun of her and she makes fun of them

Age: she’s just turned 18 in Chapter One, at the end of the fic she’ll be either 28... or 42... it depends on which ending you’ll choose, because yeah, big revelation here: there’s gonna be TWO endings to this story

Nationality: American with both Italian and British descent

Hometown: may be Boise, Idaho (or not)

Current residence: Seattle, Washington at this point in the fic

Occupation: film student, waitress at Roxy’s diner, clerk at Westlake Minimart at the beginning, her career will have good and bad moments during the fic

Income: she’s not rich (or is she), but she makes ends meet and manages to pay half of her school tuition (the other half is paid by her parents)

Family: she’s the only child of Ray (basically Frank Zappa’s twin brother separated at birth) and Janis Pacifico, grandchild of Angelina Agnello and Salvatore Pacifico, her dad’s parents, originally from Sicily, who moved back to Italy when they retired. Currently living in Bologna, where Angie often visits them during the summer holidays. Her mom’s parents passed away but she has some relatives in Brighton.

Significant others: none at the beginning of the story. Although Jerry Cantrell has a crush on her, she ignores him, or pretends to. She later gets with him, whom she breaks up with after finding out about him cheating repeatedly. One year before the beginning of the story, she had a summer fling with David Grohl, who’ll later move to Seattle to play with Nirvana and meet her again, but nothing happens between them except for some kissing. Her first boyfriend, Sean Livingstone, who’s also one of her best friends from Boise, will appear in the story at some point.  Angie’s gonna have other relationships during the story (but I’m not gonna tell you who :P)

Angie in a relationship: when she’s in a relationship, Angie’s focused on her significant other, but not too clingy, although she’s sweet and caring. Tends to treat boyfriends like she’s their mom sometimes. She totally trusts her boyfriend, but still she tends to keep secrets from him, mostly about her personal and family life. She’s patient and forgiving, she pretends not to see the flaws and the bad actions of the person she loves. She enjoys sex, she’s kinda shy though, especially about showing her naked body. 

Angie with friends: she’s sarcastic, funny and loyal, she’ll never spontaneously talk about her problems to friends if they don’t ask her and she keeps secrets from friends too. She initially thinks the new people she meets in Seattle are only friends with her because of Meg, and later Jeff, she’ll later change her mind. She’s always there for friends and would do anything for them, for example she lets Eddie call her at any time when he can’t sleep.

Height: 5 feet and 0.24 inches

Weight: 145 lbs at the beginning of the story, alternatively gains and loses weight as times goes by

Race: white

Eye color: black/dark brown

Hair color: black/dark brown, will do something to her color at some point though

Skin color: very pale

Shape of face: round

Distinguishing features: thin lips, big eyes, slightly crooked tooth

Style: almost always dressed in black or dark, with maybe one or two colorful items. Prefers comfortable clothes, can look nicer when needed if she puts some effort (or when Meg orders). Likes eye make up but thinks she’s not good at that, her daily make up routine is thick line of black eye pencil around her eyes and sometimes lipgloss (stolen from Meg). She likes painting her nails and keeps them long and tidy. She loves fruit, candy and spice scented soaps and shampoo, doesn’t like perfume. Drives an old Mini Cooper.

Habits: she smokes, a lot when she’s nervous or sad or lonely, same thing for food. She drinks and sometimes smokes pot in company, she’s scared of other drugs.

Health: she gets chlamydia from Jerry, other than that the rest is ok. She should lose weight or practice sport though, and that’s why she starts going to the gym

Hobbies: cooking and baking, cleaning the house and generally doing the chores to relax, singing very badly in her car (always waiting for a song to end before getting out of the car), making mix tapes for herself and friends, writing, photography, playing basketball with Eddie

Talking patterns: she uses big words when she’s drunk, other than that she articulates and argumentates very well, even though she’s shy. Always sarcastic.

Best quality: smartness and patience, sees the good in every one

Greatest flaw: can’t sing for shit, total lack of self confidence and self esteem, sees the worst in herself

Various talents/skills: good at writing, plays the drums, plays basketball, good dancer

Educational background: she was kind of “in the middle” in high school, not a geek but good. She has difficulties at college because it’s harder than she expected, but she does well in the end

Short term goals in life: get a degree in film studies, staying in Seattle

Long term goals in life: become a screen writer

What she wants the most out of life: become someone completely different from a certain person...

How does she see herself: fat and ugly

How does she believe she’s perceived by others: as unimportant by strangers, as a little kid who cant’ defend herself by friends

Relationship with other main characters:

1. Megan McDonald: Angie doesn't like her when she first arrives in Seattle, thinks she's a bimbo and talks too much, later becomes her roommate and best friend. 2. Eddie Vedder: Weird encounter at the diner, they later become very close... then stuff happens 3. Jeff Ament, Stone Gossard: Stone initially couldn't stand her, Jeff liked her as soon as he first met her, they become like big brothers to her 4. Jerry Cantrell: is not interested in her initially, also because she's underage, then gets romantically involved with Angie, then fucks it up badly. But they won't lose touch during the story, their relationship will turn into something else

Is she ruled by emotion or logic or a combination of both? Apparently all of Angie’s decisions are made following logic, she’s the type of person who keeps control over her emotions and consequent actions. She’s human though, so she fails sometimes.

What would most embarrass this character? Generally be the center of people’s attention, at least when sober, and having secrets revealed about her. At the beginning of the story, be seen naked by someone else, talking about boyfriends with her parents and introducing a guy to them as her boyfriend. 

How does she deal with conflicts and problems? She avoids conflict at all costs, she deals with problems and sadness simply trying to ignore them and pretend they never happened, often she goes into full binge eating. 

Things she would change in her life: at the beginning her body, later her bad choices

What motivates her: The love for art and the idea she owes something to her parents, she has to be good, to succeed for them

What frightens her: being abandoned, being lonely, becoming a bad person, spiders and creepers in general.

What makes her happy: Movies, art, music, tv series, cartoons and animes, her friends, books, Eddie

Attitude towards money: generous but she doesn’t throw it away

Attitude towards religion and spiritualism: she’s an atheist and religion is just a cultural reference for her as part of her background since her grandparents are catholics

How she’s different at the end of the story compared to when the story began: in both two endings she’s older, wiser and more confident, but in two completely different contexts

How I came up with this character: I got inspiration part from myself, I admit it, part from girls I met in my life, part from girls I wish I was. I love this character, although the starting point might not be that original: an apparently average kinda shy but funny young woman with confidence issues, who's not exactly what she claims to be and has more than one secret... I came up with some basic elements first, then the character basically “came to life” for me, started telling me her story, and in the end she just took over and began driving the fic on her own.

[grunklejam]

For the benefit of that one anon, I guess.

1. Name

Jordan.

2. Nationality

British.

3. Age

Ancient. (27)

4. Birthday

28th July.

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign)

Leo.

6. Gender

Male.

7. Sexuality

Heterosexual, but biromantic through the hizzow.

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself

I am a 5′6″ tall man with very deep set, tired blue eyes, a large nose and soft cheeks, perpetually unshaven with huge sideburns and indents in my cheeks where the fatigue has hit. I’m extremely pale and tend to look a little bit ill 99% of the time.

9. What do you/did you study?

I did a BTEC in game design. It was useless.

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have?

My job is alright. I’m a copywriter. Moving to a different company on Monday with a significantly higher wage. I’d love to pursue novel writing more after the release of my first book, but that’s a terrible idea of a profession and is exceedingly unprofitable.

11. Your birth order

Only child.

12. How many siblings do you have?

Only child.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?

Eh, kinda.

14. How many friends do you have?

A surprising amount considering I’m about as social as a solitary murder hornet.

15. Your relationship status

Engaged. Yes, really.

16. What do you look for in a SO?

They have to be @kyolicious

17. Do you have a crush?

@kyolicious

18. When did you have your first kiss?

I can’t remember how old I was, but it was a cuban musician who was off his face on rum.

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

I prefer being with @kyolicious

20. What are your deal breakers?

Racism, homophobia, lack of interest in history, lack of interest in learning, thinking cartoons are crap. Fuck you, cartoons are great. Oh, and feet stuff. Foot fetishists are degenerate. 

-

21. How was your day?

I have no coffee. It’s terrible. 

22. Favourite food & drink

Sirloin, cooked rare with a cocktail bitter garnish. My favourite drink is Plum Porter by Titanic Brewery, one of the best beers I’ve ever tasted.

23. What position do you sleep in?

Fucking all over the place. I’m terrible at sleeping. 

24. What was your last dream about?

Probably @kyolicious

25. Your fears

Since I was a kid, I’ve had an obsession with maintaining a legacy and being remembered. My biggest fear is being irrelevant or forgotten.

26. Your dreams

To drive more steam engines. To marry @kyolicious. To have my own home. To get recognition for what I create. To be able to smoke cigars again. To write another novel.

27. Your goals

To drive more steam engines. To marry @kyolicious​. To have my own home. To get recognition for what I create. To be able to smoke cigars again. To write another novel. 

28. Any pets?

Two cats. Karl Isambard, and Punk Maxwell Barnaby D’artagnan. (we couldn’t choose a name)

29. What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, drawing, pixel art, baking, cooking, collecting antiques.

30. Any cool places in your area?

There’s lots of really cool historic sites in West Yorkshire and I feel blessed to live in such a prime place of Industrial Archaeology. My favourite by far was an abandoned railway line near my birth village of Horbury, which still had the rails in place and was beautifully overgrown. It was my safe place for years.

31. What was your last awkward situation?

Probably waking up.

32. What is your last regret?

Probably waking up.

33. Language/s you can speak

I am abysmal at languages. English is all I know. @kyolicious is teaching me Swedish, though. 

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

Not particularly, but it’s fascinating.

35. Have any quirks?

I’m pretty much a giant ball of quirks. 

36. Your pet peeves

Chewing with mouths open, bare feet, loud noises.

37. Ideal vacation

It probably involves steam engines somehow.

38. Any scars?

Far too many.

39. What does your last text message say?

People still text?

40. Last 5 things from your search history

‘Keep reading tag tumblr 2020′ GPCS Firebox steam jets  Gravity Falls Wiki British Bangers American (long story) Amazon UK Saturnus Glogg

41. What's your [device] background?

Gorillaz.

42. What do you daydream about?

Probably story ideas!

43. Describe your dream home

A countryside cottage, with exposed wood beams, a bit of stained glass and a superb internet connection. A bath is a must.

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion

I’m atheist. I generally believe religion and faith in general is a heavily important part of the human condition, and if it makes it easier for people to live, so be it. However, I’ve no time for it completely taking over people’s lives and views. Your view on what’s moral and what’s just should be based upon human perspective, not what’s in a mistranslated ancient book.

45. Your personality type

I honestly forget.

46. The most dangerous thing you've done

Probably a brief stint urbexing. 

47. Are you happy with your current life?

It’s always a work in progress. Always moving forward to an extent, but my cynical 

48. Some things you've tried in your life

Uh. That’s a very vague question. I’ve tried most things and disliked many.

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?

Lots of jumpers, tight fitting jeans, tons of band T-shirts, a selection of waistcoats, tailcoats, top hats and button up shirts.

50. Favourite colour to wear?

Red and / or black.

51. How would you describe your style?

Outdated, and anachronistic, no matter the occasion.

52. Are you happy with your current looks?

I hate how I look.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

Strip it off with a potato peeler, replace with Vincent Price.

54. Any tattoos or piercings?

Nope and nope.

55. Do you get complimented often?

More than I’d ever accept.

56. Favourite aesthetic?

Victorian Noir.

57. A popular trend that you dislike

Ear stretching. What’s all that about? I don’t understand.

-

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with?

With Love to an Ex by Gorillaz - Ft. Moonchild Sanelly.

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.

Paris to Berlin by Infernal.

60. Favourite genre?

Punk.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?

Gorillaz, easily.

62. Hated popular songs/artists?

I can’t stand Ed Sheeran. Most musicians I can dislike and go without hating, but I categorically despite the man and everything his work stands for.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5

I don’t use one of those shuffle-doo-hickies.

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can, but I’m exclusively terrible.

65. Do you like karaoke?

No.

66. Own any albums?

Over 1,500 at last count. About 250 physical.

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?

I don’t.

-

68. Favourite movie/series?

Oh god, I love so many movies.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc

Animated, detective, mystery, noir, horror, psychological, period.

70. Your fictional crush/es

I don’t have any. Genuinely.

71. Which fictional character is you?

M. Gustave from The Grand Budapest Hotel. With a sprinkling of Stan and Ford Pines.

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so

Dipcifica from Gravity Falls. So much so that I’ve written a fairly successful series off of it.

73. Favourite greek god?

Gotta love Zeus. Lightning flinging prick.

74. A legend from where you live that you like

None very locally, but the Legend of the Chained Oak in Staffordshire is very close to my heart.

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist?

I fucking adore art, especially in comic books. Kev Walker is one of my all time favourite artists, matched very closely by Ben Willsher. I’d kill for that level of skill.

76. Can you share your other social media?

Instagram: Jamooneyart Twitter: Jamooneyart Deviantart: Jamooneyart That was easy.

77. Favourite youtubers?

Jim Can’t Swim, Ashens, Down The Rabbit Hole, Guru Larry and Internet Historian.

78. Favourite platform?

Platform 2 of York Railway Station. What?

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?

The majority of my fettered existence.

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite?

The Civ series, Sea of Thieves, OpenTTD, Planet Coaster, Planet Zoo, Railway Empire, Anno 1800...

My favourite is probably OpenTTD. I’ve pumped obscene amounts of time into it. Can’t beat the classics.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts)

Gorillaz - Rise of the Ogre, The Disney Studios Story, The Hound of Baskervilles, To Kill a Mockingbird, Notes on Noses, Judge Dredd: Satan’s Island, Judge Dredd: Origins - Day of Chaos, Judge Dredd, The Lion’s Den, Judge Anderson of Psi Division: Fallen Angel, The Ultimate Guide to British Comics, Tank Girl: Odyssey...

82. Do you play board/card games?

If I’m in the mood.

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?

No.

84. Favourite holiday

Christmas.

85. Are you into dramas?

Oh yes. But I do love drama mixed into a more evocative genre.

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one?

Na.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

Erase bigotry.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?

Na.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?

Cleuricaun. Those guys have a great gig.

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Flytip my corpse, so I can inconvenience people one last time.

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

Albert.

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?

One of those twats who’s a millionaire from advertising shit on instagram.

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo

Skull.

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

I’m 178 years old. I know how to juggle antique glass Tiffany lamps. I find these types of question very tedious.

-

95. Cold or hot?

Cold.

96. Be a hero or be a villain?

Be a neutral evil.

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Sing.

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Controlling time.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Immune.

100. ..... or .....?

Wot.

[sydneysmuses]

✘┇ ❛ it's like sweet serendipity

“Alright then, let’s get started. Welcome to Brooklyn, New York. Here’s the home of fuckboys and lames but I’m sure you can survive. Just steer clear from Anthony. He’ll fuck up your shit in a hot second. Anyway, who are you?”

Hello beautiful human beings of the internet, my name is Syd. I suppose the normal things to talk about in this part would be that my pronouns are she/her and that my time zone is PST (California), though at times I find myself staying up until the butt crack of morning so maybe I’m an honorary member of another time zone for my weird hours of ‘awakeness’. ALSO warning that this is a little long, I went a bit overboard and if anything please just check out the site linked down where I talk about Yos’ loft because I made something special. (Or at least it was special to me).

My activity level is completely dependent on the activity of others. Which may not be the exact answer you are looking for, so I will explain. I think it’s very obvious that groups have been dying lately and when the dash is slow I certainly don’t want to clog it – so I do my replies and try to post a starter (but not to much avail) and then wait it out. Conversely, when the dash is moving quickly I know it is my duty to keep up and be just as active with my responses (unless I’m showering or sleeping or shoving food inside of my body). It is not a lie that I am on my summer break and am itching for things to do and am desperate for a group that isn’t going to fizzle out (translation: i’ve got no life what so ever give me something to do i’m begging). Even when I’m not on summer break – I work in a creative field and constantly need a way to continue to write imaginatively, but not necessarily for anything regarding my actual work.

“Okay. I totally blacked out on whatever you were saying but whatever. Let’s pretend it was the twisted tea and not your boring synopsis on who you are. Have you ever been in Brooklyn before?”

I am nearly 700 years old and have been roleplaying since I was in grade 8. So I’ve been pretending to be people I’m not since I was like 13? 14? I lived a large chunk of my roleplay life on a completely different side of roleplay that is vile and includes no writing/paring what so ever so this side is just so refreshing now that I’m an ancient lady looking for peace. I’ve been roleplaying in groups for 5-6 years now. I’ve gone through the days of the large 500 gifs. I’ve also been an admin of a few groups, only one that was successful and managed to last a solid six months, so I praise you for putting in this work.

I’m currently in one and a half groups? The ‘half’ group referring to a group that is actually ‘closed’ where interactions are completely voluntary as not many of the members are active anymore. And the one being a group that I think will be shut down before you even accept apps … so what is the real answer?

While I have been in lots of groups and probably should link you to something more current, I figured I would link you to my most beloved little angel who has been revived MANY times in groups run by a nice lil’ fellow in the community named Nicholas. I’m particularly fond of this character because she was hands down the most developed (since it was a long lasting group) and because there were lots of things that I got to do in the group as her character.

Links (the first link is about a year old hence hq/medium sized gifs): http://olliecoopz.tumblr.com/, http://olliescooper.tumblr.com/, http://olliepls.tumblr.com/ .

I figured I would also link another character that I played with a similar title to Yos’ (the activist) so I figured I should link that too: http://brynnism.tumblr.com/

“Hm, okay. So in other words, no. Well – why are you here?”

The character I would like to play is Yoseline and the primary reason is because of her title as “the activist”. I will admit that it’s absolutely frightening when the character you like the most has a popular face claim because I feel like that aspect alone lessens my chances – and it makes me want to pick someone else so the let down will be a lot easier. However, playing strong, female characters that care about philanthropy is what I’m all about. Obviously it helps that there are predetermined head cannons as well because it’s even more inspiring to me that even through a failed career Yos was able to flip the switch and find a useful purpose for her time. Switching gears back to her title, I can imagine that philanthropy and philanthropic groups in New York are just as in demand for help as they are here in Southern Calfornia, so what she does and why she doesn’t would be realistic and that much easier to portray even in this fictitious world. Being a mixed latina who is heavily involved in philanthropic groups that support school and college readiness as well as groups that support research study for Cystic Fibrosis naturally PULLED me towards this character. And in mentioning the connections, I like that the only real ‘enemy’ connections are with men (I know Xan is a frenemie, but for the sake of what I’m about to say..) because I feel as a female activist I would have to imagine that empowerment of females and female bonds/relationships would also be super important to Yos. So I’m grateful that the majority of her close-knit, predetermined relationships are with other powerful young women.

“O–dude, are you sweating? Seriously? It’s not that deep. Here’s a tissue. Yeah, good. Alright Sweaty McGee, why should I pick your lack of experience, weird, boring self over the other thousand cooler people that I meet daily? What makes you such an asset to me and my friends? Choose your words wisely because I’m being dead on serious.”

‘Bullet Point’ Biography //

**** Yos’ Loft **** // I wanted to do something a little different to make myself stand out. (Hopefully? Unless this is a thing people do and I’m just super behind.) I was really inspired while I was looking at the character’s homes when I realized that Yos lives on her own – with her dreams. At first I admired the fact she was so young and could afford it, then I realized that regardless of her show getting cancelled, it could have still provided her with a substantial bit of money as well as a following via social media and what not. So I wanted to play up this idea of her having her own space and come up with what the rooms might look like when her mind and imagination took over. It’s nothing too crazy and I’m sure I could have been a little more extreme with the idea, but I hope it’s kind of entertaining for a few clicks! It really helped me get inside of how she is or how I would write her by surrounding her in a comfortable living environment. http://718yos.tumblr.com/

Yos has become very independent ever since she made a huge life transition and found out what she wants to do / who she wants to be. It has always been easier on her to be on her own and away from her family. While she loves both of her parents, she knows they don’t love each other – haven’t for as long as she can remember. However, given their faith and religion they wouldn’t dare break their union after making a promise to the church.

Her view of romantic relationships is a bit warped. With her parents and with the relationships people tried to force upon her while she was in the industry, it seems as if real romance isn’t necessarily tangible. Which is why most of her relationships have never really made it do the next step or are full of lust / friends with benefits.

However, she does believe that love is real because she has an older brother who she loves with all of her heart. She is grateful that he lives near by, but misses him often when he is away for business.

Obviously it’s already predetermined that Yos tried her best to be a successful actress, but the show that was supposed to be her big break didn’t end up doing so well. However, I believe she would take that passion she used to have and combine it with her love for philanthropy and support programs such as Save The Arts. Surely the importance of the arts in school around where her and all her friends live is important so she is driven to help out that organization. I could also see her wanting to help young girls who are beginning to get into the industry and make sure that they are treated fairly, are fighting for equal pay, and aren’t being taken advantage of by older men.

Back to religion – self-discovery has become a huge revelation for her, especially in regards to the religion that her parents had forced upon her and her brother for so long. The views of the Catholic Church do not necessarily reflect Yos’ views. And while she is struggling to find ways to let her parents know, she is in the process of taking classes at a local university on Eastern Religions and their impact in the modern world. The idea of spirituality over organized religion is becoming more appealing as she gets older.

I have more ideas, but naturally I’ve already created a novel worthy application.

“Again, another boring answer. Cool. Do you have anything else to add or whatever?”

All I can say is thank you so much for creating a diverse group and putting so much detail in to making sure that all the roles weren’t just similar copies of each other. Regardless of what happens or who you choose I wish you all the best of luck with your group! Also i’m sorry if the formatting messed up – I had it open in microsoft word.

“I think I remember who you are now. I think you’re my brothers friend…right? Oh yeah, you owe me ten dollars for even taking the time to talk and give you the proper city welcome. My brother said you would pay because you were desperate for friends or whatever. Ten dollars isn’t much and I want Panera so–c'mon.”

Can we talk about the fact that as I was reading the rules I was like, “oh god, oh no they are asking for real money!” And as I continued to read and sweat bullets over the fact that I’m a fucking broke ass loser my whole mind cleared when I saw that all I had to do is agree to the ten dollar fee. So I agree. (And I feel blessed that it’s not really real because I would have had to act fast to send this in when I wanted.)

[drawerevent03-blog]

Cinnamon Crunch Cereal and Hemp Milk

“It is easier to change a man’s religion than to change his diet.” – Margaret Mead

Yup. Pretty much. This entire shift began when I had a particularly gnarly couple of months with manic mood swings that rivaled my adolescence, acne flare-ups, bloating, low energy, night sweats, and all-round malaise. Knowing what I know, I looked at my diet first to see what could be adjusted. Everything was organic, whole, plant-based and totally “healthy” by most peoples’ standards. But it just wasn’t working anymore. I knew something had to give.

Delving in deeper, a typical day for me was a whole-grain porridge in the morning, topped with all kinds of seasonal fruit, homemade granola etc. Lunch was a couple slices of organic sourdough rye bread from the local bakery, with homemade hummus, avocado, sprouts etc. Dinner was often a mixed bowl, the base of which was brown rice, quinoa, millet or buckwheat covered in a rainbow of vegetables, homemade pickles, superfood-loaded sauce, and fresh herbs. I wasn’t eating sugar, drinking coffee, I was keeping up with my exercise and sleeping well. So what was the problem? In this case, I had a feeling it was a big ol’ grain overload.

The idea of cutting back on my morning oats, bread, and grain bowls was literally devastating to me. I cried. On multiple occasions, just talking about giving up muffins made me weep, and I felt like there was just no way I could make even more changes, or think about my diet even more than I already did.

I have had two serious experiences with orthorexia in my life. For those of you who don’t know what orthorexia is, it is defined as an obsession with healthy eating. It is considered an eating disorder, and one that is becoming more prevalent in Western culture as healthy eating becomes increasingly “trendy”. The first bout happened the year I moved out of the house to study at university. While many of my friends were bingeing on junk food and beer, I swung in the opposite direction entirely and took advantage of the incredible meal program that was offered at school, and fueled myself with enormous salads, delicious sandwiches and wraps, veggie-heavy soups and stews, and protein-rich smoothies. I also signed up for the free fitness classes at the university gym, got hooked on kickboxing, step aerobics, boot camp drills, and the weight literally fell off me. I lost about 25 pounds that year, and for the first time in my life I felt like I was in control of the way I looked. The sudden attention from guys – which I had never had before – further stoked the fires for my desire to be even thinner, even though my initial motivation to eat this way stemmed from a desire to be healthy. As my attitude towards food morphed from friend to enemy, I flirted with a full-on eating disorder at this point, playing games with myself to see how long I could go without eating, how many exercise classes I could fit in between classes and study groups, how long I could make my bean salad from lunch last (too long!). Eventually my energy levels dropped to the point where I had a very hard time getting out of bed in the morning and I couldn’t concentrate well in school. I realized that I had taken things too far and started eating in a more balanced way again. I put the experience behind me without giving it too much thought.

The second time this resurfaced was, ironically, while studying holistic nutrition. While I was learning all about foods and how my body worked, I became almost afraid to eat, toxifying my body, or “poisoning” it with sugar, gluten, dairy and the rest. I became obsessed with detoxing and subsisted only on “clean foods”; mostly vegetables. I was stressed, my hair started falling out, my acne came back and my energy hit an all-time low. Despite my obvious physical misery, I somehow felt validated since I wasn’t putting anything “bad” in my body. Eating as healthy as possible became obsessive for me and my classmates, and we’d all proudly bring our lunches to school, subtly scrutinizing each other’s Tupperware contents. Again, food had lost its pleasure, its joy, and had become something that I saw as more of an enemy than a friend. And that really scared me.

After graduating, I finally got a grip, and once again slowly re-established a healthy relationship to what I was eating. It is for these reasons that food is such a tender subject for me, and changing my diet dangerous territory. I spent so many years struggling to achieve a positive connection with food, and when I finally got there and it felt like such a relief. The prospect of having to go “back to that place” of thinking about food more than I already did felt unsafe for me, and slipping back into an obsessive place felt like an inevitability. Meanwhile, the negative self-talk voices were loud and overpowering, telling me how I was fat, flabby, weak, old – things that I KNEW weren’t true. But that’s the sad thing about internal monologues, they don’t need to make sense to play like broken records in our minds all day every day. It’s enough to drive a person insane. The cruel voices coupled with my extreme fear of reverting back to my old thought patterns and eating habits absolutely terrified me. I felt like I had hit a wall of hopelessness. And all I wanted to do to feel better was to eat a piece of eff-ing bread.

The reason I suspected the grain thing was because of the unique relationship that blood sugar has to our hormones. If we’re consuming carbohydrates at a faster rate than our bodies are utilizing them for energy, that extra glucose gets stored in the fat cells of the liver, which decreases its ability to breakdown excess estrogen, and allowing it to hang around in our systems longer than it should. This excess circulating estrogen causes a whole host of symptoms, including, you guessed it: mood swings, bloating, sluggish metabolism, tender breasts, fatigue, foggy thinking, PMS, and many more less-than-desirable issues. Now, these things can be exacerbated by stress (shocker), inadequate fat and protein intake, and environmental factors, all of which I was likely suffering from.

I set out by making a plan, since I know how hard it is to make positive changes without preparation. Instead of focusing on the all the things I wanted to reduce or eliminate, I focused on the foods I could have, foods higher in fat and protein, since I knew that those things would naturally elbow out the things I would normally fall back on (I’m looking at you, banana bread). I made a list that I could refer to when I was grocery shopping for ingredients. I cooked and froze things. I stocked the fridge and pantry. I was ready.

Within the first few days I already noticed a difference: my energy was incredibly stable, my emotions were in check, the bloating in my stomach dissipated, and I just felt good. As the days rolled on my compulsive urges to down half a dozen muffins subsided, and it was like I could clearly see that what I had actually been battling was blood sugar issues – not just “too many” grains or carbohydrates. It became clear that I had been taking my bod on a wild rollercoaster of high and low blood sugar for years, which had in turn been tossing my hormones around like a pair of sneakers in a washing machine. Stabilizing blood sugar is the first step in managing your endocrine’s system ability to do its job properly. I realized that if I was going to eat grains (or any carbohydrate-heavy food), I had to eat them in smaller amounts, balance them out thoughtfully with enough fat and protein, and make sure that I was actually using that energy instead of letting it sit around in my body. So far, things have been going incredibly well, and I am so darn proud of myself for not only identifying the issue, but actually doing something about it.

We are fluid beings with needs that evolve and change over time. Our diets need to reflect that, which is why it’s imperative to listen to our bodies and be advocates for our own health. No one knows your body better than you, and once you quiet all the noise out there telling you “how” to eat in black-and-white terms, you’ll be able to hear yourself, without judgement, and choose the way of eating that is just right for you, right now. It may be different tomorrow, and that is okay too. In sharing this all with you, I am trying to set an example, because you too have this intuition that is telling you just what you need to eat and do right now. It’s actually fun to be connected to yourself, your unique rhythms and needs. Learning about how you operate and designing a plan that caters to your exceptional self means that you can celebrate, instead of berate your body the whole month through, and experience pleasure in every stage of our cycle. I promise.

This is undoubtedly a huge topic, and one that I plan on chipping away at over the next few blog posts. Some things I want to reiterate here are, that I do not believe that grains or carbohydrates are bad. No natural food group should be vilified, just as no macronutrient should be either. If you’re thinking about giving up carbs, I’d advise you not to. Glucose, the sugar found in carbohydrates is your brain’s primary fuel source, and when consumed responsibly, carbs will help you on your wellness journey, not hinder you. I still stand behind each and every one of the recipes that I have created for this blog, the app, and both of my cookbooks, and I believe that they are appropriate for many people to enjoy. However at this stage of my life, some of the recipes do not serve my needs any longer, and I’ve had to make small changes to them, or put them on the shelf for another time. I’m okay with that.

Whew! Now for some notes on the recipe.

The base recipe for my Cinnamon Toast Crunch-inspired cereal is grain-free, but it does rely on almond flour, which can be expensive. If you can tolerate pseudo-grains, feel free to top up the base with buckwheat flour. This will bulk up the cereal considerably so you’ll have more for less money.

This cereal is r-i-c-h. You really only need a small amount to fuel you in the morning – not like the bottomless bowls of that we’re used to consuming in the morning without every really feeling satisfied, ya know what I mean? And paired with a luscious liquid like my Super Creamy Hemp Milk will keep you full for even longer, help stabilize your blood sugar, not to mention flood your bod with the delicate nutrients and powerful enzymes that store-bought, plant-based milk is missing. This recipe is dead simple and pretty much like cream – I shouldn’t even call it milk, since it’s so rich and thick. And since we’re thinking outside the cereal box here, don’t stop at breakfast…this milk is amazing in coffee and tea, in raw treats and baked goods, soup, smoothies, ice cream and popsicles. You’re gonna love it!

I made the cereal the first time with just almond flour and a full half-cup of applesauce. It was definitely delicious, but I loved it just as much when I cut this amount in half. If you don’t want all the sweetness, use just ¼ cup / 60ml of applesauce instead of the full amount. If you’re using buckwheat flour, you will need the full amount of the applesauce’s moisture to bind it all together. I haven’t tried a version without the coconut sugar, so if you’re not into that stuff feel free to play with the recipe on your own.

    Print recipe    

Grain-free / Gluten-free Cinnamon Crunch Cereal Makes 5-7 servings

Ingredients: ½ cup ground flax seeds / 50g 1 ½ cups / 150g blanched almond flour 1½ Tbsp. cinnamon ¼ tsp. fine sea salt ¼ cup / 35g coconut sugar ¼ cup / 60ml – ½ cup / 125ml applesauce (½ cup / 125ml if using buckwheat flour) 1 Tbsp. coconut oil, melted optional: ½ cup / 85g buckwheat flour

Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 325°F/160°C.

2. Combine the ground flax seeds, almond flour, cinnamon, salt, and sugar in a large mixing bowl. Stir well. Then add the desired amount of applesauce and coconut oil, and stir to fully incorporate (you made need to use your hands if it gets too dry). Gather dough into a rough ball.

3. Place dough ball on a sheet of baking paper with another sheet on top. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough as evenly as possible, about 2mm thickness (not quite paper thin). If you’re using buckwheat flour, you’ll need to separate the dough into two batches to achieve this. Remove top sheet of baking paper, and using a paring knife, score the dough into small squares of your desired size (mine were about 1.5cm / .5” square).

4. Place in the oven to bake for about approximately 25 minutes until turning golden around the edges, then turn the oven off and let the cereal sit in there until cool (this will help dry it out and make them extra crisp).

5. Once the cereal is completely cool, break up the pieces into squares and place in an airtight glass container. Store for up to one month at room temperature.

Super Creamy Hemp Milk Makes 1 liter / 1 quart

Ingredients: scant 4 cups / 1 liter water ¾ cup hulled hemp seeds / hemp hearts

Totally optional add-ins: sweetener (stevia, dates, honey, maple syrup…) vanilla sea salt raw cacao powder

Directions: 1. Place all ingredients in the blender and blend on high until smooth (this make take a couple minutes). 2. Pour directly into a sterilized bottle and store in the fridge for up to 5 days.

Initially, I was really afraid to come out about any of this stuff – the changes my diet is undergoing, the orthorexia, the internal voices! But I know in my gut that if I’m going through it, someone else out there is too. And the reason I wanted to start My New Roots in the first place was to create a safe space for everyone to share and support each other on our health journeys, so I have to be as transparent and honest as I feel I can be to set that example. I want to say a huge heartfelt thank-you to all of you who have stood by me all of these years and continue to do so. It feels pretty amazing to have you, and to be getting better all together.

In light and gratitude, Sarah B.

*****

Also… There’s one spot left for the upcoming retreat in Ibiza, click here to join me for a week of total inspiration and rejuvenation!

Source: https://www.mynewroots.org/site/2017/08/cinnamon-crunch-cereal-hemp-milk/

[crazyscotsmanthe1st]

Mary Queen of Scots

This isn’t a review as such, it’s been a couple of weeks since I saw the film and I don’t have the knowledge and passion about Mary Queen of Scots to write as detailed a piece as I did for Outlaw King. But I thought I’d hammer out a few general thoughts.

The thing everyone remembers about Mary is her death – even if you don’t know anything else about her, you’ll know that she was beheaded. That’s the earliest thing I can remember knowing, long before I studied history at school. So it’s an odd sort of story – everyone already knows the ending, and the task of the storyteller is to explain how we get there.

The film follows this pattern – in the trailers we hear Saoirse Ronan, the actress who plays Mary, repeatedly asking “how did it come to this?” And the film itself starts with her walking to the executioner’s block, before rewinding to tell the story.

The filmmakers choose to begin that story with her return to Scotland in 1561 – a logical place to start. But if we imagine her eventual fate as a jigsaw puzzle coming together, a lot of the pieces were already connected even then.

She had the misfortune to be born female, and have her father die when she was only six days old. An infant queen in an era of aggressive male monarchs – not least Henry VIII of England, who demanded she be betrothed to his son, Prince Edward. This was a naked attempt to absorb Scotland through marriage – national sovereignty would be the dowry.

When the Scots refused to surrender their young queen, Henry invaded Scotland in a campaign known as the “Rough Wooing” - a strange sort of name for a murderous rampage.  Terrible damage was done to Edinburgh and southern Scotland as the English sought both to punish the Scots and to force their submission to Henry’s will.

Scotland was no longer safe for Mary. In 1548, at the age of six, Mary was sent to France to be betrothed to the heir to the French throne.

So right from the start, Mary’s life was one of turmoil and upheaval. Fate was dealing her a cruel hand. Ironically, one of the cruellest cards in that hand was Mary’s rising importance.

Elizabeth I became Queen of England in 1558. She was the daughter of Anne Boleyn, who Henry VIII had broken with the Catholic Church in order to marry. As a result, she was considered illegitimate by Catholics throughout Europe. Meanwhile, Mary had a solid claim to the English throne because her grandfather James IV had married an English princess.

So Mary was now Queen of Scots, Queen Consort of France and, in the eyes of many, the rightful Queen of England. Dynastic dynamite.

Cruel fate struck again with two explosive events in 1560 – the Scottish Reformation, and the premature death of Mary’s husband, the young king of France. Mary was now a widow with no role at the French court, and faced the prospect of returning to a country that had just rejected her religion.

This is the Mary we meet in 1561 – a young lady whose name and connections give her claim, in theory, to immense power and authority. But also a young lady whose life has been chaotic and tragic even to this early point, who has been buffeted on the cruel tides of history and is suffering the second great upheaval and leap into the unknown of her short life.

The task she faces is daunting – to deal with a fractious pack of ambitious and aggressive nobles who are used to jostling and sparring for position in the absence of a monarch, and a church that is fanatically opposed to the faith she’s known all her life. And somehow, to rule Scotland while also furthering her own ambitions towards the English crown.

In a sense, this is the first time Mary has an opportunity to chart her own course. She can now make decisions for herself, but the odds are against her and the stakes incredibly high. A tall order indeed for an eighteen year-old.

Mary could have chosen to convert to Presbyterianism. It would have been the most sensible and pragmatic thing to do. But to do so would be to deny her whole understanding of the world and who she was. It’s not surprising, given the sudden plunge into the unknown, that she chose to cling to what little she could of the life she knew before.

But she also reassured the Scottish nobles and clergy that she would make no attempt to interfere with the Scottish church – she would keep her own faith in private, but her subjects could worship how they so chose. This is quite a modern and progressive attitude towards religion, and quite unusual for the 16th Century. To modern eyes, it should have been enough. But alas, the world she lived in was too suspicious and intolerant to let that stand.

John Knox, played in the film very well by David Tennant, raged against her from the pulpit. The tension was being steadily ratcheted up from the moment she stepped back onto Scottish soil.

One of the strange things about the film is its portrayal of Holyrood Palace. Mary is seen arriving at what looks more like a remote windswept castle, and holding court in a hall which has been partly carved out of a cliff. In reality, Holyrood would be recognisable to those who know it today – essentially half of what’s there now, an L-shape with one of its distinctive double towers – the other was added for symmetry in the 17th century.

Throughout the film, Scotland is depicted as rugged and remote. I have mixed feelings about this – it shows off Scotland’s breathtaking natural beauty very well, but it’s also a misrepresentation of what was an advanced and civilised European country of the day.

Now that Mary can make her own choices, she can also make her own mistakes – from now on the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle will be placed by her own hand.

First, she marries Lord Darnley. She appears to have genuinely loved him at first, but she very quickly regrets her choice. Darnley is a vain and arrogant young man who drinks heavily and is very unpopular with the Scottish lords.

Nevertheless, Darnley also has a claim to the English throne so Mary is strengthening her own ambitions in that direction. One of her faults was that she was constantly looking south, rather than over her own shoulder.

She and Darnley conceive an heir – something Elizabeth will never do. But one of the great ironies of Mary’s life is that each victory only ratchets up the tension and the danger even more. It’s another step towards the executioner’s block.

One source of tension was David Rizzio – Mary’s personal secretary, a handsome young Italian she’d brought with her from the French court. The two were very close and would spend a great deal of time together. Many modern historians reckon Rizzio might have been gay, but the “gay best friend” relationship was not one that was well understood at the time. Many of the Scottish nobles, including Darnley, suspected they were having an affair.

The reasons for Rizzio’s murder are portrayed slightly differently in the film, but the brutal deed itself did happen more or less as depicted. Darnley and several other lords burst into Mary’s chambers, dragged Rizzio away from Mary and stabbed him a reported 52 times.

Mary retreated to the safety of Edinburgh Castle, where she gave birth to her son – the future James VI of Scotland and I of England.

The next major event in Mary’s life is an ongoing point of controversy to this day. In February 1567, her estranged husband Lord Darnley was lying ill in bed at Kirk o’ Field, on the site where Old College is today. In the middle of the night, the house was rocked by a massive explosion. Darnley actually survived the blast and staggered outside, but there were assassins lying in wait. His strangled body was discovered outside the smoking ruins. This is portrayed accurately in the film.

The question is, how much did Mary know? What was the extent of her involvement in the murder? It’s almost certain that the Earl of Bothwell was the leading conspirator - but was he acting on Mary’s orders, or with her consent or knowledge? Historians argue at length about this.

The dramatic nature of the murder makes it clear someone was making a statement. With Darnley ill in bed, the simplest thing to do would be to poison him and say he’d succumbed to his illness. But to use gunpowder – that’s the tool of someone who wants to demonstrate his power and send a warning to his enemies. From what we know about Bothwell, it fits the bill.

Personally, I think it may have been a “who will rid me of this troublesome priest” moment. Mary may have expressed a wish that Darnley was dead, and Bothwell took that as his green light.

What Mary does next is probably her worst ever mistake – she marries Bothwell. Some accounts say she was abducted and/or raped by him, but all we know for certain is that she ended up marrying the man widely suspected of  her late husband’s murder.

This was too much for Scotland’s nobles, who rose up and deposed her. The rising of the nobles and deposing of Mary are kind of fudged in the film, and her imprisonment in Loch Leven Castle is not shown - which is a shame.

Mary escaped and fled to England, hoping to enlist the support of Elizabeth. This is another massive gamble – Mary has spent her whole life talking up her claim to Elizabeth’s throne. She is throwing herself on the mercy of a woman whose crown she has always wanted.

What happens next in the film is something that has had chins wagging ever since the trailers were released – a face-to-face meeting between Mary and Elizabeth, which definitely never happened.

After all the anticipation, it feels like a bit of an anti-climax. But I did find one thing Elizabeth says very interesting – she says “I see now that your strengths have been your downfall”. I think this rings true. Mary was by all accounts more beautiful and more charismatic than Elizabeth. She married and produced an heir, which Elizabeth never did. Yet Mary ended up deposed and at Elizabeth’s mercy. The two monarchs are polar opposites of each other.

The next part of the story is the one we’re all familiar with. Kept a prisoner for nineteen years in England, Mary is sent a letter from an English Catholic called Babington informing her of a plot to assassinate Elizabeth and put Mary on the throne. What human being, after all those years in captivity, would pass up a chance to kill their captor and achieve their life’s ambition? Of course Mary gave her consent.

But her mail was being intercepted and read by Elizabeth’s spies. Mary has put the final piece of the jigsaw puzzle in place. Her fate is sealed.

The actual execution is not shown, and I suppose it would be out of step with the feel of the film. It was a botched beheading – it took three blows of the axe to sever her head. When the executioner held her head up, it was discovered she was wearing a wig and the head fell out and rolled away. More like Game of Thrones than a Hollywood romance.

The one-time Queen of Scots, Queen Consort of France and asserted Queen of England, who if the cards had fallen slightly differently could have ruled half of Northern Europe, gruesomely butchered to death in the final cruel twist of fate of her tragic life.

So was Mary a feminist hero, a strong woman in a time dominated by men? A helpless victim who was dealt a cruel hand and was ultimately doomed by forces beyond her control? A scheming and ambitious monarch who murdered her husband? Or a foolish young lady whose decisions were her own undoing?

All of the above.

[lavinahoang05-blog]

The Increasing Stars From West Side Theater Through Chris Tomkins. In Enjoyment At Isnare.com Free

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Oklahoma worked out as a predominately white colored condition along with its scattered black populations staying as powerless folks do - on the fringes, with bad real estate and little bit of possibility. First I observed the black lady segment, three dark gals there certainly, found all of them skippin' rope like sixty double dutch, as well as mentioned to on my own, I cannot perform that, what is actually up with that?

[itsharsimranthings]

The Story of So Called Nakhras in Getting Married

                           The Story of So Called Nakhras in Getting Married

In a normal case scenario, every girl wants to get married, if not at 21 or 22, at some point of time in life. But when we see a paradigm shift in the upbringing of girls primarily in a country like India which has- Sanskars, education, sometimes a yes to become financially independent and some (plus and minus) say in choosing her prince Charming, this upbringing also ends up in adding a very interesting epithet which our society calls as ‘Nakhra’.

I am going to share my beautiful journey of choosing a life partner for myself. Mind it, it was not as easy as it was for most of my friends and also not that difficult when compared to another set of my friends.

It was a funny, super irritating, suffocating and sometimes a life saver experience for me. But above all it gave me a tag of designation which was less to do with my education or profession but my nature and that was,”Isske toh Bade Nakhre Hain, Aise toh Iski Shadi Nahi Hogi”.

I was 18 when I had lost my Mom. It was suddenly a shattered world for my Dad, brother and myself.

I had this sudden responsibility which was self-realized, of taking care of the house, cooking, daily chores besides pursuing my graduation and my post grad plans post it. From nowhere, someone suggested my dad that I should be married off as soon as possible. My dad has always been my biggest support system and he knew that ‘No’ this is not what he wants me to get in to at this stage. Time was flowing and gradually things were getting back on track, lots of ups and downs but as a family we pulled off quite well.

My brother had got married after few years and I had also started working. Once he was married, it was quite understandable that I am going to be the next target, which was nothing more than a Figment of Imagination….HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

From a Marketing job in a prominent publication, I shifted to a little relaxed career option-Teaching. I had joined as an Assistant professor with a renowned college in my city. But back of my mind there was a building pressure of getting married apart from anything else.

I had this fixed mind always that before I get married I want to do a few things in life on my own:

·         Progress in a respectable career

·         Travel/Party with friends

·         Save a bit to travel again

·         Save again for precautionary purposes

·         Date someone and if things go well then marry the same guy too

 God has been very kind towards me when he was choosing friends for me. I happen to have a good social circle which is a mix of funny boys and girls who come from different religions, age groups, educational backgrounds, careers but in spite of the difference in our demography we still maintain that homogeneity in most of the things. Some of these got married at the age of 21, some at 26-27 and some were still single like me. Some had say in choosing their life partners and some had no say only. While some like me were waiting for their fixed version of a life partner, with little compromises on conditions and some are still waiting.

The thought of marriage used to give me sleepless nights and sometimes shivers. I was given this freedom by my immediate family to decide on what to wear, where to go, choose friends, what to eat but life partner was questionable at times. After all its not just the two getting into a lifelong relation but two families and the same extended to relatives as well.

Rishtas were being looked for me. Some turned out to be too flashy, some didn’t like me and few I didn’t like. But the ones I didn’t like were not acceptable to people who suggested them to us. Since they suggested so it had come with a clause of a mandatory YES.I could not say no because it would spoil their relation with the family but the boy side obviously had a right to say NO.

My saying a NO or for that matter my family saying a NO had always created fights, big faces and lot of tension. Shadi topic had become more of a boxing ring. I would get upset a lot but then I also knew its my life. If after all the contemplations its not comforting me then its better I say no. Perhaps no one saw my ways of analyzing a proposal and those who saw-we would only disagree to agree.

Eventually a time came when I had to decide the basis on which I will choose a partner for myself. I was already 29 and after 25 if you are unmarried then it’s a questionable thing. So, you can well imagine how LATE I was in life for this. I was not feeling late but yes people around were. Some would say,” She already has someone in mind”, “She was unnecessarily made independent in life and that’s why she keeps on saying no to rishtas”,” We don’t know what does she want”, a dear friend once said, ”It seems your dad does not want you to get married”……. I was hurt at this because she could never understand what I want in life then how could she talk like this about my dad. Same girl was not given a chance by her family in choosing a guy for herself.

But the best was when my relatives ended up this entire Shadi conversation with a believed assumption that this girl has lot of Nakhras, this way she will never get married. I was like Really☹.Will I die all alone? No family? No romance? No honeymoon? No nothing?

 I would cry alone and to avoid this depressing phase I would look for travel plans, work beyond my work hours, joined gym to stay at bay from this topic, spend time with friends who were going through the same etc. etc. I just wanted to get off that pressure which was building up day by day. Even my students were getting married. What could I do? I could not marry just anyone…..

Meanwhile a guy showed interest in me, I spoke about him at home but when my family agreed the guy just didn’t take a stand. Again, a lol moment in life because every relative knew of this story. I was so ashamed and just gave up.

It was such a phase that I and we 4 friends used to call our fate as MAHA MAHA LUL. Happiness and good luck was always ready take you turn. Everyday somebody’s FB status used to be either engaged or married to. I was like “iski ho sakti hai toh meri kyu nahi”.

After having enough of it, one day I decided to pen down as to what I am looking for in a match. Here it goes:

1.      I am 5 feet 6 inches tall and I love to wear heels so the boy should be at least 5 feet 9 inches. Had once said no to a rishta because the boy was not even 5 feet 8 inches and a huge ruckus had happened. That was one day when I felt why I had to be of this height? Why everybody took pride in calling me tall and appreciating my height time and again when they will one day shoo me on this.

2.      Decent to look at but a cut surd. I am a sardarni but I don’t have men around me who wear turban or have long beard. Someone who is handsome for you might not be handsome for me. Believe me on this, I was never looking for Hrithik Roshan.

3.      The guy should be decently educated in whatever stream, articulate and well aware of what is happening around the world.

4.      Should be financially independent (businessman, professional) but should not be in armed forces, I have respect for them but I have my own fears too till date. I was once made to meet a guy who was not working and when I said no for this I was told he looks handsome, see that. He was 32 and was financially dependent on his family. He had no routine and no aim. I could not digest this one at all and my no had once again created a big issue. I had suddenly become a villain. Till date that cousin of mine does not speak to me because of my no. LOL!!!

5.      My working or not working should be a decision left onto me

6.      Its okay if he drinks or smokes but he must not be a drunkard or a drug addict. People had problem the why I have no problems with someone who smokes. They didn’t see I was being flexible here.

7.      Vegetarian or a non- vegetarian not a problem but he should not be a vegetarian because he has taken some sort of naam. I mean I wanted to take no compulsions.as simple as that.

8.      Okay with a nuclear or a joint family

9.      Horoscope matching not a problem but my horoscope hardly matched with anyone. I must have been to at least 22 odd pandits to get calculations done. Someone would say I’ll get married in two months, someone would say that proposal X is waiting only for my yes. But when I said yes believing that pandit, I came to know that the guy had already got engaged. I didn’t know and I still don’t know if I need to believe in calculations or not because the last one I had gone to had said that my time of birth is wrong. MOM where are you, help me with this at least. You see another LOL in life.

10.  Now the last one, which is a shot, and many didn’t agree to this demand of mine and had concluded that I won’t get married in my life. I wanted a match in or around my city only. I will manage to stay in a smaller dwelling but not far away. Why I was adamant and obstinate on this one because when I lost my mother, my dad and I were alone. My brother was in Lucknow then and it took him more than 20 hours to reach us. I know people stay abroad and at times there are situations when family members are unable to reach but no I just could not adapt to this fact at all. I was never sent out of city to study or work being a girl and safety issues but same girl was let to get married just anywhere. Lots of fights and arguments would take place with family, relatives and friends on this point but I just didn’t want to bend. I was then okay with settling in NCR but nowhere else. I don’t know where life will take me in the long run but to start with I don’t wish to relocate.

 Lot of discussions happened on these points. But then I had Nakhras. I had accepted this adjective for myself. I was about to turn 30 and my friends, my support system, many had got married and just 3 besides me were single. By this stage I had stopped losing my calm and would just laugh away and then would say that I will get whatever I am destined to but without trying for my 10 points I don t want to give up. Someone had advised me, “you have already become bad in the eyes of your relatives by rejecting proposals but don’t say yes to not your kind of a proposal because it’s your life”. I was looking for this push and support. And I was determined again. Hence, made accounts on Shadi.com, Jeevan saathi, newspaper matrimonial columns, marriage bureaus. I suddenly felt like a celebrity. I had my bio data and photos floating just anywhere and everywhere. Hahahahha!!!

Met different set of people on matrimonial websites who would in one go want my contact nos and ask me all sort of silly questions. Chatting with 5-6 men online was a task. Then enquiring about the proposals by stalking their fb accounts and taking help from friends whom I had not spoken to in years was another level experience. I’ll term this as a ‘Blessing in Disguise’ because it’s certainly unfair to get into a stranger’s life. However, cursing your decision later on in life was also avoided through this medium alone. CID and Crime Patrol was and still are one of my favorite shows thanks to the Police I became while conducting the various types of character inquires for my prospective soul mate.

But out of all the action scenes my most interesting experience was with marriage bureau. This owner made me go laugh-LOL…. LOL….ROFL.

As per him, I should tell a guy that I like to watch channels like star movies, HBO but not Zee Cinema. Talk big boss but not serials. I must know about India’s political scenario but when I asked him about economical scenario, which is my area of interest and educational background, his answer was a NO. He did my counselling after we had paid him 21000/- which was non-refundable. I knew that money had gone down the drain.

 Struggle of finding a suitable match was at its peak. But god was with me. Maybe he just made me His favorite for a while and a twist came into my life. On my 30th birthday I was in Belgium for work. Apparently, I got a chance to stay away from calls who would be least interested in actually wishing me but more interested in lecturing me on how burdened my dad and relatives feel about getting me married.

I knew in hearts of heart, its high time, I will have to be serious and diligently look for a match. I was sitting with a friend of mine and we were making changes in each other’s profiles on the matrimonial websites to get more rishtas. Don’t ask me where we met and became friends.

In fact, he even met a dear friend of mine for matrimonial purpose (purely arranged marriage set up) and I was all ga ga about my male friend to my female friend and vice-versa. I was suddenly a kind of Vacholla(middle-person), that’s how they are addressed as in Punjab. I don’t know what, when and why it happened that this male friend of mine didn’t find my friend’s proposal as per his liking. He had some sudden light ON in his mind. He thought of considering me instead of my other friend. I knew that my dear friend will call off our friendship and will have all the ill wishes too for me, she perhaps felt and still feels that I have taken her guy away. No, I have not, certainly not. My chapter with her has ended for life. She is happily married now but I was not invited (I still feel sad. I am not out of those who will take someone else’s man away).

Coming back to my life, who will take this risk of talking at home again that I have another guy to introduce (he too can back out based on the past experience). I shared with my brother and then with my father. 4 days and the rishta got fixed. I was so happy and relaxed that thank god it has finally happened before my 31st birthday, a big sense of achievement.

I am happily married now and settled in life to my level of contentment.

Life has his own planning but we certainly need to work for this plan to become successful. Finding a suitable match is certainly not an easy task. For some it might happen in one meeting and for some it might not happen even in the 100th meeting.

So be optimistic. If it is bound to happen it will surely happen and if not then you can’t help it either.

P.S: A special note for two of my dear friends who are still unmarried, I know I have got busy and my priorities have changed a lot but you two are very close to me. We have shared our shadi related nakhras every time. We have laughed and cried on these together. So please don’t lose heart that you two are still unmarried. Remember, you both are younger to me, hot, independent, silly but pure at heart. What is bound to happen will happen. And shadi will certainly happen. If someone like me who has had a lot of Nakhras has gotten married then you two will also get. Just that our time zones are different. I feel blessed, I still get to meet you both and my family as and when I want because I was adamant on point no 10. May be few years down the line I am not in the city anymore. But still I’ll love you both anyway.

Another the two friends of mine, one in the UK and the other one in Chennai nowadays whenever you come to see your parents, see I can always drop in to catch up with you girls also. I have grown with you both but since you girls got married first so may be you are unaware of half of my stories of this struggle but yes I am also married now and a part of the same gang…))))

[oh-dirtymaggiemae]

Auto Lotto Processor Review

Auto Lotto Processor Review

Auto Lotto Processor Review

Auto Lotto Processor Review

Auto Lotto Processor Review

Auto Lotto Processor Review

Auto Lotto Processor Review

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Auto Lotto Processor Review Auto Lotto Processor may be a new lotto software created by Richard Lustig. He discovered this cash creating lottery software employing a designed-in formula primarily based on the previous repeat lotto winners. This program was created with many testing, tracking and tweaking. This Auto Lotto Processor software has been already utilized by several peoples all around the world. It's a easy to software that lets you win prizes like $5,000, $15,00zero, even $a hundred and fifty,000 and abundant a lot of. This secret shows you visibly the winning of lottery game grand prizes. This Auto Lotto Processor software makes the entire method straightforward in which it doesn’t includes any laborious math formulas and compounding statistics. it helps you to choose the best numbers quickly and easily. It makes you really happy and acquire excited with the profit you make with this lotto software. Richard Lustig shared his winning secret on lottery in a simple to understand manner. This Auto Lotto Processor software offers you the proper results on winning the lottery in a straightforward way. What is Auto Lotto Processor System? Auto Lotto Processor is revolutionary software developed to crack the lotto code that helps you to build long-term wealth in an exceedingly short amount of time. This Auto Lotto Processor software can be utilized by anyone in a very straightforward to use formula to win big, in that it will be works for each game within the USA and every one over the globe. This strategy of winning the lotto to win millions with a whole math. This Auto Lotto Processor secret lets you win the lottery consistently that creates you notice what the winning numbers in the shortest amount of your time. It makes the dream come back true with the massive winning by spending a couple of bucks on signing up method. It doesn’t needs any special data to start creating cash with this lotto processor. Richard Lustig  has spend only few hours on making an attempt to find this winning patters. It gives you everything required for power to win. No would like of sitting in front of computer for a hour and wasting your money with pretend softwares. The combination of this winning jackpot has been researched for an extended-term with common elements and patterns. The strategies utilized in this Auto Lotto Processor program works quickly in an simple to win once more and again. Unique features regarding Auto Lotto Processor System:     Users receive the same software regardless of their location differences and you'll use it from all components of the planet.     Users relish free updates anytime there's changes within the lottery game. These updates happen as frequent as attainable to ensure users are on the winning aspect.     The system comes with a systematic instructional video to guide users on how the software works and to help them see how the system is going to boost their chances of winning.     Auto Lotto Processor is simple to use and offers high degree of accuracy.     The system also comes with numerous powerful tips about how to remain earlier than the lottery game therefore that you'll get the most out of your tickets. Auto-Lotto-Processor-Reviews (one) How Will Auto Lotto Processor Actually Works? Auto Lotto Processor shows you the proper path of winning whre you'll be able to begin winning lottery with a hefty payout pretty much each single month. This lotto system works with a pattern of complete math of crunching numbers with many factors and variables. This Auto Lotto Processor system has combined with added further principles of probability that enhances the  odds of predicting a winner each and each time. The study of winning drawings shows you the whole potential where you’d struggled to acheive for over years. It is the most important breakthrough that helps you to measure the dream life by paying off all your debts. This winning software helps you to quickly build a lot of cash in simply a few months. By taking part in the lotto you'll be able to make a lot of more profits than you’d ever imagined. Auto Lotto Processor could be a way to crack the lotto code that has been found when hours of analysis, statistical analysis, likelihood and mathematical formulas. It will be easily done by the common one who not even have enough time, data or patience. Everything in this Auto Lotto Processor software is absolutely automated  in that it doesn’t want any manual approach of method. This Auto Lotto Processor software is combined with the five statistical analysis consultants, four advanced game theory experts and three laptop science grads. This latest and greatest software includes a panel of specialists with several analyze of ways and arithmetic in winning the lottery. AutoLotto Processor What Can You Learn From Auto Lotto Processor?     This Auto Lotto Processor software teaches you on how to form an unique software that fully master the statistical analyses, probabilities and calculations within the automated way.     Everything in this software is done a simple to handle manner that gives you the tip result with a simple on-line application that never raise for any downloads.     This Auto Lotto Processor software takes all the historical data and compares them with the most recent winning of lotto attracts and enters all data into the patented computer algorithm that has been developed by a team of consultants.     By using this software, you'll instantly analyzes its data in against 126,00zero of various variables that keeps you a running meory and past lotto winning numbers.     This Auto Lotto Processor software straightforward scans and automatically searches the most effective winning number combos that delivers a best probability to win time by time with the right software algorithm.     You can predict the lotto winnings with a hundredpercent confidence where the numbers can be simply picked and offers you the simplest chance of winning by reducing the randomness. 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If you ever manage to stay your debt low, nowadays’s job market is not terribly encouraging. Long time and disappearance is like religion. It’s simple to assume that there's no end to your miserable financial situation. Richard Lustig knew a full life before 1983. Since Richard was a genius, he determined to learn how Lotto worked. In essence, a lottery is a game created by humans, and every game has some prospects to succeed. Use advanced mathematics, statistics, and game theory. Lotto will simply win the goal. Thus who is that this project? The Auto Lotto Processor is for those who wish the best in their life. If you finish up scared of your checking account, you need this set up. Of course, the current financial state of affairs of this program isn't proud of the individuals. Anyone who is associated with debt-filled life is obliged to attempt this Auto Lotto Processor. Auto-Lotto-Processor.... Conclusion: Despite mixed views regarding Auto Lotto Processor, it seems to be reliable within the manner it operates. With reports each for and against the system gusting in; users are typically taking the trail they'd eventually and clearly take up. For some it contravenes the very idea of “earning” a living, whereas for others a mere existence of religion is enough to create a living. With the system seemingly reliable with hardly a peck of ambiguity; it is only time and also the can to require that likelihood to flip your lives for once and for all that might let you know for sure. Beyond philosophy, the concept of an established mathematical formula governing it from scratch is luring additional than just the lottery addicts in town. It is conjointly rumored that the system has fairly been noted and analyzed by profound academicians. The assurance to win consistently or facilitating a streak of wins is one thing that never caught widespread notice in the lottery trade; in that line of thought, Auto Lotto Processor is actually one in all a kind. Therefore what are you looking forward to? Get yourself busy with learning what Auto Lotto Processor actually is! Victory may when all be a calculation away!