#which is very very different than a tour concert let alone one where I somehow managed to be in the fucking ninth row

[seilon]

I feel the need to acknowledge that hitchhiking holds a very special place in my heart completely regardless of whether or not it’s my favorite on the mcou albums. because it was the first song to play at swc5 and now every time i hear it i suddenly revert back to being 16 and feeling my soul leave my body in the 9th row of the shrine theatre in LA

[helpforihavefallen]

Do you have any Jesse headcanons?

Jesse makes me feel something and i’m not completely comfortable with this fact. Help i’m falling.

------

- Jesse is the middle child. Enough said about that.

- Growing up he didn’t get much attention from his parents unless of course he fucked up somehow. They were quite traditional family and his dad wanted him to play sports. But he was talented in different things like music and arts.

- It did affect their relationship a lot, they fought and his dad had a daily basis to call him a disappointment or compare him to his big brother who was athletic superstar to them.

- After he moved away from home for the art school their relationship did get better. They’re still distant but his parents came to watch one of their first concerts to show their support to him.

- Yes there were a lot of crying and hugging afterwards.

- Now away from the feels- this man cannot function without coffee.

- It has become so bad that even T is worried that Jesse might actually be more coffee than a person nowadays.

- He practices poses infront of a mirror on a daily basis, also flirts with himself. Robaire caught him once doing this and Jesse paid him 50 big ones to keep him quiet.

- The king of self-love, some people could find it a bit narcissistic when he’s boasting about himself but damn he’s just proud how far he has come. 

- Firm believer in inner beauty.

- Jesse has a resting smug face. Or more commonly known as shit eating grin

- He cannot stand sticky food.

- On the other hand he has a serious sweet tooth and you are most likely gonna find him snacking around the studio.

- Jesse is actually surprisingly competitive. He does not like to be bested and will go just about any lenght to come out on top. He would be willing to go through some humiliating just to win.

- But he is warmhearted and caring individual. He’s a good listener and you can tell him anything without fear of mockery.

- Also quite laid-back and he rarely gets mad at people or raises his voice.

- Does not like working out. Aaron Z always tries to get him to workout with him, but Jesse is a good liar and excellent at making excuses. Sometimes his excuses does get a bit...rushed. “I’ll tell you why i can’t work out right after...i run away really quick.”

- Jesse copes with bad days by rewatching studio ghibli movies. He first got introduced to them by Taeyoung (they’re his favorites fight me) and now Jesse watches them religiously with the youngest member. It always makes him feel better no matter what.

- He’s the type to deal with his problems alone. He doesn’t like to feel like he’s bothering people with his worries and feelings so he usually shuts down whenever something is troubling him. Yes this way of acting comes directly from his childhood.

- He has the worst case of bed hair. It will stick in every possible direction imaginable to a man. 

- It takes a whole hour as he fights to get his hair the way he wants it to look.

- Jesse values his alone time a lot. Even when the band is on a tour, he’ll go in the back of the tour bus with his trusty pillow and just flops down reading or sketching. He’ll also bring his headphones with him and refuses to remove them from his head.

- He makes A LOT of mixtapes to every occasion. And i mean every occasion. It has become one of his hobbies at this point and he’s always giving them to the guys. They’re always full of their favorite songs and songs Jesse thinks that they might like.

- He gets cold ALL THE TIME. He has no idea why but this is the reason why he’s the worlds biggest snuggler. Professional snuggler as he says. So naturally he’s not too keen on winters.

- Not the bravest let’s be honest. He got jumpscared by a toaster once.And what makes it worse is that Jesse cries very easily when he’s scared.

- He tends to forget the world around him whenever he’s working on his art, which makes him vulnerable for Aaron T and his antics. Not only has he scared Jesse multiple times to the point where the oldest one was prepared to bury him 6 feet under but also to the point where the clay he has been working on has been sent flying to the nearest window, breaking it.

- Falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Even in mid sentence. If he’s going to sleep he’ll be lights out in a matter of seconds. It’s a blessing and a curse.

- He lets Taeyoung paint his nails a lot, he would never admit it but he thinks they look so cool. And it gives him more time to spend time with Taeyoung in general.

- That being said he has a soft spot for the youngest. 

- Jesse and Robaire definitely has weird inside jokes nobody else gets and they don’t even question it anymore. 

- (I’m staying away from the kid headcanons)

- But how funny it’d be if the kids were actually just two big dogs like great danes and he just talks about them like they were his children.

- T and Robaire would probably offer to babysit them not knowing the fact that they are dogs and when they see them they’re like “????They’re dogs?”

- “Of course they’re dogs what else would they be?”

- All i’m gonna say is that the kids are definitely twins.

[mirobami]

↳ onstage | idol!reader

♥ CHARACTER(S): m. ikishima, m. honebami, s. warakubami, m. inbami, s. igarashi

♥ NOTE: Here is part two with the other girls I wanted to do!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Fan!Reader

━ MIDARI IKISHIMA ; 

She doesn’t really care much for idols in the first place; after all, she can see Yumemi firsthand and she doesn’t trust her much

Her motives aren’t approved by Midari, hence her neutrality towards other idols

However, that all turns around when she finds you

Your music is exactly her type and you are famous in the idol industry for all of the genres you produce as well as being alone and directing all of your music videos

Midari watched your music videos and she was utterly IN LOVE because the visuals, everything, it just appealed to her eye and made her want more

One of your MVs had a gamble in it and when she went down to the comments for that part, she found out that it wasn’t originally going to be a part of the video and yet the crew found out that you were a good gambler so they decided to put it in

That was the moment where Midari knew she’d follow you anywhere

Now she’s got all of your songs in all of the playlists she has on Spotify and constantly listens to you because damn, all of your songs hit different

Midari wants to meet you so badly and she’s waiting for the moment that you do a concert and get her hands on some tickets because she knows that the second there are ticket sales, they are gone faster than she can blink

When she does get tickets to go and see you, though, she’s actually screaming the lyrics out and dancing around with the rest of the crowd

Midari would actually worship you like she would’ve worshipped Yumeko and you’re now the item of worship in her eyes

━ MIROSLAVA HONEBAMI ; 

Miroslava had found you by someone recommending a song to her and she decided to listen to you

Everything about your group was outstanding and considering you were the leader, she was not surprised to say the least that you had won so many awards, thus bringing more fame to your group than any other idol group

It’s a wonder she hadn’t heard of you before but now she’s grateful to the person that recommended you

Usually the leaders are rappers, that was extremely common

But not you, you were the main vocalist and you sounded EXACTLY like a siren and she even thought to herself, If this is what I hear when I die, I would finally be at peace. 

She is dedicated to your group, but of course she keeps it on the downlow, because of Ibara ever found out, he’d never let her live it down

Anyways, she has almost ever piece of her social media dedicated to you, except for her Instagram

That’s solely dedicated to her ranting about how she wants to get concert tickets to see you

Lo and behold, she gets them somehow, don’t ask how, she’ll never say anything anyways

She’s usually super composed and tough and expressionless but her eyes glow like they’re filled with stars at the sight of you; she’s got her glowstick, she came prepared to the concert

Miroslava admires you so much and doesn’t want to call herself your biggest fan but yes, she’ll admit to herself that she’s your biggest fan

━ SUMIKA WARAKUBAMI ; 

Sumika knows you through connections but hasn’t really talked to you

She’s an A list celebrity and so are you, yet you’ve never encountered one another 

There was a lot of praise for you from reporters and she wanted to see if your music was actually that good and lo and behold, she found her knew favorite singer

Unlike Yumemi, you weren’t just a Youtube idol, you were everywhere and even had world tours therefore you had the rights to call yourself an A list celebrity albeit not doing so because you’re very humble about your status, which she ADORES

She’s not really here for the celebrities that think they’re all that, but you? If she hadn’t been a fan of you before, she was now

She’s seen all of your dance practices and memorized your choreography; as the main dancer, your moves are a lot more fluid and more stunning than anyone else, even if you weren’t the leader, her eyes would still be on you

Sumika has seen all of your interviews and her heart DROPPED when you said that the actress you really loved and enjoyed watching was her

Did she hyperventilate a little bit? Very likely

She’s used to other celebrities saying that she’s their favorite, but she can usually tell when they’re just trying to butter her up; you didn’t show that emotion and as a plus, the idol she adored loved her back? 

Sumika has a separate Twitter in which she won’t make it into a fan Twitter, but she will follow and retweet a lot of things that are in relation to you because everything, absolutely everything, is appealing to her

The day you two meet, no one knows who was more flustered, you or her, but Twitter had an entire field day

Honestly, Sumika hopes that you continue your work because it’s the best thing she’s seen in a while

━ MIYO INBAMI ; 

Miyo never really cared about idols in the first place, she likes music but doesn’t really focus on the singer

If she has three songs in a row that she likes, she’ll probably check out the singer’s other songs but that’s about as far as she’ll go

Nope, that was not the case with you, she found you, discovered all of your other albums and LOVED it all

If someone asked her which was her favorite album, she’d probably have to think about it for the longest time, but she could answer who her bias was and that was you

What did make her sad though was that you were on hiatus and had been for a good three years, meaning that no one knew when you’d be coming back and if you’d be coming back

One day, the new teaser for the new comeback dropped and the entire fandom FREAKED out and so did she

The new teaser was just as good as any of the other albums, making her super excited for the new album

When it dropped as well as the music videos and such, she spent the whole day listening and watching everything, even watching the interviews on how you planned everything

The fandom was buzzing with life and Miyo herself was excited to see you back, albeit not having known you for a while

She now wants tickets to your concert just like the rest of the fandom and she gets them because of Miri, who silently hands her the tickets, saying that they could go together

Miyo does not regret ever listening to your music because your performance live was so much better than recorded and that was saying something

You truly had talent and she admired that more than anything

━ SAYAKA IGARASHI ; 

Sayaka thought that music was a distraction, she wasn’t really a big music fan; she only listened to obscure playlists on Youtube when she was studying but that was about it

But one of the songs in one of her playlists really caught her attention and she wanted to find out more about the singer; that’s when she came across you

You only had three other people in your group and you made sure to make the rest of them equally shine and yet she only looked at you because something about you was so captivating to her

Before long, she finds herself becoming a fan of yours

In fact, she’ll almost launch herself at anyone that tries to talk shit about you because come on, if she’s picky and she knows good music when she sees it, how dare these people say that your music sucks

Remember that scene with the taser? Yeah, that’s her when she hears someone talking bad about you

Kirari is really interested in what Sayaka is constantly listening to and when she finds out, she casually says, “Oh them? I got VIP tickets, except that you’d have to go with the vice president and Mary Saotome”

She caved in immediately, they were VIP tickets to go and see you, she was going to take what she could get

The concert was the best thing in her life, she will only have good memories from that for the rest of her life

Plus, since she was VIP, she got to go backstage and meet you and usually she’s very sophisticated, but around you? She was stuttering and shy and looking at the ground

You’re pretty much smiling at her, thinking that she’s adorable and you ask if she could go to your next concert to talk more

Needless to say, Sayaka almost died on that day 

She’s probably your biggest fan, just keeps it under the radar

[caramelcal]

Slow Down

Request(s):  Ooooooo could you do a Luke x reader fic based on the song Slow Down by Why Don’t We?

+  Anonymous said:Luke x reader? He’s on tour halfway across the world but all he can think about is spending time with his girlfriend?

Word Count: 2.1k!

a/n: hey! i know that this doesn’t fully cover the second request so if you want something completely based off of that, just request again! Thanks for requesting anyway and I hope you enjoy! Also did you guys see Madi’s lives today??? The cake decorating??? THE COVER?? MY EARS ARE B L E S S E D  update: not me forgetting to add tags

Masterlist

Oh, I've been lying to myself and I might know why I miss the way you looked at me before you left New York (hey) I've been tryin' to find help, 'cause I can't deny The way that I feel when I'm with you Oh, I'd do anything to save ya

He could hear the fans screaming in excitement, the overall chatter of them but he couldn’t enjoy it at the moment. How excited they were to see the band. He was filled with nerves, and even though he was born to perform as many would say, he still couldn’t help feeling nervous.

It was no surprise that Julie and the Phantoms had gotten big, their music was amazing. After they played at the Orpheum, they got a lot of recognition and only ten months later they were whisked up on a tour, a new album out only a month ago gone viral. Everyone loved them, and they were finally living their dream.

Luke loved performing, it was second nature to him, but being on tour was very different from playing in the garage with the band like he was used to. So whilst he basked in the glory of the fans, there were still nerves and that’s what he felt right now.

Checking his phone, his foot tapped against the floor at a rapid pace, his guitar sitting to his right. Normally, playing his guitar would comfort him, but it wouldn’t right now, that’s why he needed you.

And thankfully, his worries that you weren’t going to answer as he heard your calming voice through his phone, “Hello?”

“Babe,” Luke replied, breathing out a sigh of relief when he let the nerves out of his body.

“Luke? Aren’t you supposed to be on stage right now?” You started, and he could hear the worry in your voice, “Is everything alright.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just nervous, that’s all. We’re just about to go on,” Luke informed you, eyes staying on the ground as he simply focused on you and not any of the fuss around him. Backstage concerts were always crazy like this, especially just before they started. No doubt someone would be through in a second to pester him about getting ready to go on stage.

“Luke, babe,” You said, your voice calming as you spoke to your boyfriend. You knew he was going to absolutely kiss it out there, he did every single time he performed, “You’re going to be amazing, okay? I’ve never met anyone as talented as you and the rest of the band. I’ll be cheering you on all the way from California.”

That brought a smile onto Luke’s face, making him bend down his face so he was facing the ground. He didn’t like everyone to know just how in love he was with you, and the beaming smile on his face would be a clear indication. It wasn’t like he was very good at hiding it anyway, he constantly talked about you, somehow managing to praise you like you were a god even if you did a simple task. He was completely and utterly in love with you, no one could deny that.

“Thanks, babe, I miss you so much. I will find time to see you at some point,”

“You better, I miss you too. Plus, who else am I supposed to jam with in the car when you aren't here?” You joked, laughing lightly with Luke.

Luke casts his hazel eyes up to the figure in front of him after catching on to the very professional shoes that stood just in front of him, catching eyes onto his manager, “Listen I gotta go, but I’ll call you tonight, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too, my rockstar,” You said teasingly, knowing that it always made Luke flustered when you called him that. It wasn’t long before you guys had finished saying goodbye and his phone was turned off and put away, guitar in hand as he was ushered on stage.

Yet, just before he got on stage, he stopped, whispering, “This is for you, y/n/n. I love you.”

And with that, he ran out, and the fans erupted into screams and cheers.

I think we need a little California 'cation We took a shot at this, but maybe we're too wasted It's hard to swallow, but I know we gotta chase it, oh

Slow down, I think that we just need to slow down, slow down  Turn around, things were so simple way before now, 'fore now

Turns out, that even if Luke did want to meet up, that the tour was far too demanding for that. It was two months since the time you called, and you guys still haven’t had the chance to meet up. Hell, you guys barely had time to facetime. Luke was on constant vocal rest, and the times he normally was available, you were in class.

It was safe to say, the distance, and the different time zones were definitely getting to you. Some people were too, saying how people go off on tours and lose feelings if their girl stays back home, they often find flings and extra stuff like that. You knew Luke wasn’t like that, and both Carrie and Flynn have cussed the girls out for putting that in your head when it was obviously not true, but you couldn’t help but think about it sometimes.

Luke barely picked up your calls anymore, and you knew that what he was doing was very time demanding, but you thought that at least he would make a bit of time for you. You guys did text of course, but you often wouldn’t get around to replying to each other until hours after so it wasn’t a stable conversation. You thought about flying out for a weekend, or taking a few days out of school and flying somewhere to meet him, but your college student finances were not stable enough for that and you didn’t want anyone’s help, not even Carrie’s when she offered.

After being deprived of your boyfriend for so long, you often found yourself wallowing alone in your college dorm, but that wasn’t where you were right now. Flynn and Carrie had somehow managed to drag you outside to a party, a red solo cup in your hand and a fancy top on with some nice jeans. You contemplated drinking but found yourself denying any alcohol that went your way, getting drunk probably wasn’t the most responsible way to go.

Yet, as you saw the couples, some sweet ones holding hands or hugging, and some a little more...heated, you couldn’t help but drown in the thoughts of him. This was supposed to be a distraction from your wallowing, but you felt even more miserable here than you did back in your dorm room. You wouldn’t be for long though, not when you found out who was here.

See ya, I wanna see ya, ah  I wish you weren't so far so I could see ya, ah  'Cita, mamacita  We were comfortable, we didn't understand but now we know

Two weeks before the party, Flynn found herself on her bed, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram before her phone went. She quickly answered, seeing Julie’s face pop up on the small screen with a smile. They talked for a while, just catching up and Julie shared some concert and fan stories before she asked, So how is everyone? Carrie? y/n?”

“Carrie’s doing good, Dirty Candy is slowly getting some recognition for themselves, I see a tour in their future,” Flynn said with a smile, trying to distract Julie from the subject of y/n. She knew that most likely, the boys would be close by, and she did not want to tell them how miserable she was without them. That would only damper their moods.

“That’s so cool! I’m really glad, they deserve it. How’s y/n?” Julie asked, a smile on her face but as she looked at the hesitation on her best friend’s face, she knew something was wrong, “Flynn, is y/n okay?”

However, Flynn quickly found out that her silence was not helping her in any way, and when Julie asked about y/n again, Luke who playing about with his guitar in the corner of the room caught onto her concern. He stood up, alarm flooding his features as he walked over, taking the phone from Julie.

When his face showed up on the video call, Flynn could see his concern and worry and it made her eyes go wide. She knew there was no getting out of this, “What’s up with y/n?”

“Nothing, she’s fine,” Flynn tried her best to dismiss, laughing awkwardly but when she looked back to the camera she could tell that Luke was not buying it.

“Flynn.”

“Really! She’s-”

“Flynn! You do realize this is my girlfriend?” Luke said, raising his voice slightly to get the girl to stop rambling, which she did. Luke was only growing more concerned for his girlfriend and annoyed at the girl for trying to keep something about his girlfriend away from him, “I wanna know what’s going on with her.”

“She’s just,” Flynn hesitates, trying to think of a way to make this easier on Luke without lying to him but she realizes that she needs to be straightforward with the guy. Sighing, she starts, “y/n misses you to the point that she holes herself up in her dorm, and only comes out for food and classes. Hell, she hardly gets out of her pajamas anymore, Luke. She’s taking this a lot harder than she’s telling you.”

Luke went quiet, a frown forming on his face when he realized what his girlfriend was doing. He knew that she couldn’t keep going on like that; he still had another two months left of the tour and she would have wasted months of her life locked in her dorm. He casts a glance towards Julie, before looking back at Flynn, “I’ll sort this out. I’ll send you the details once I work them out but clearly, something needs to change.”

And with that, Flynn hung up and Julie and Luke started to plot a plan...

I think we need a little California 'cation We took a shot at this, but maybe we're too wasted It's hard to swallow, but I know we gotta chase it, oh

Slow down, I think that we just need to slow down, slow down  Turn around, things were so simple way before now, 'fore now Slow down, I think that we just need to slow down, slow down (need to slow down, slow down, whoa) Turn around, things were so simple way before now, 'fore now (things were so simple way before now)

“Y/n!” Carrie calls out, grabbing your attention from the red solo cup in your hand. You look up at her, giving her a small weak smile.

“Hey, Carrie,”

“You enjoying the party?” She asks, hands on her hips as she looks around the room with a smile on her face. She had a fitting golden dress on, much fancier than what you were wearing but you didn’t care.

You tried to wrack your brain for what to say, and how not to offend Carrie about her party. Her party wasn’t bad, you just...didn’t want to be there, “Uhh, it’s alright, yeah.”

“Well it’s about to get a lot better,” Carrie says, a wide smile coming on her face as she looked behind you, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

Then, you felt a tap on your shoulder. You whirled around and saw him take a few steps away, a wide smile on his face. You stood there, shocked, this couldn’t be real, he was on tour. He wasn’t here, he couldn’t be.

But then, you sprinted, jumping into his arms, head leaning against his shoulder with your legs around his waist. He held you close to him, savoring the moments of you just being in his arms; something he had not got to experience in months.

Everyone at the party watched on but didn’t say anything, fond smiles on their faces for the reunited young couple. For you and Luke, however, it seemed as if you two were the only ones in the room, because no one else mattered at that moment.

You pulled your head up from his shoulder, eyes meeting his as the wide smiles that were on your faces only growing wider, never fainter. When you next spoke your voice was quiet, almost as if you believed if you spoke too loudly he would go away, you would realize this was just a dream, “Luke, you- you’re here.”

“I am y/n/n,” He whispered back, nodding his head as he leaned in and softly kissed your hips, your hands going to each side of his face, playing with the soft messy hair that he had. With eyes shut, you stayed in each other’s embrace, simply enjoying the moment, “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Don’t leave me for so long ever again, I can’t live my life without you.”

Let's just say, you two were never parted for too long after that.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

DIE PERSONAL INTERVIEW SPECIAL HEADBANG VOL.27 TRANSLATION  2/2

Sometimes delicate, sometimes rough, sometimes you are dazzled by his splendid playing. The red guitarist has reached Dir en grey’s unique mark. “I used to hit the guitar a lot. I wasn’t happy so I would lose my temper soon“ “This is everything I am. This is my axis” “If I were a metal guitarist, Dir en grey music would have been closer to metal” “Jonathan Davis from KORN said, ‘I like the melody of the chorus’ and sang ‘Saku’ in front of me."

Notes before reading:  This is the second part of personal interview of Die from the magazine Headbang Vol.27 released on 18th August. The interview is 11 pages long, this part covers the last 5 pages. The second part is focused his experiences overseas and his roots as guitarist. 

  You can get the magazine at Amazon Japan or CDJapan.

Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.

Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) ------ Text by:  Yohsuke Hayakawa (First part) -So, as you said, I feel that Dir en grey at that time was in a rough and emotionless moment. D: Yes, it was like that. Even if I was standing on the stage, it was more about how could I raise my own mood/tension rather than doing it for the fans who came to see us, so if I was in a bad mood, I would stay in a bad mood. But well, at that time, we were playing with that kind of mood/atmosphere: if you don’t like this, then you shouldn’t come to see us. -If it’s a festival focused on overseas bands like 'Taste of chaos’, as some people in the audience didn’t know Dir en grey, did that that feeling of irritation come to the forefront? D: Rather than……at that time, I knew about other bands only by name, but honestly, I was wondering “What the hell is everyone clapping for?”. It looked more like buttering up the audience. It was like “Ah, this is so shallow”. But there are a quite things that I can reflect on now. There were times when I wasn’t kind to the fans. -That was also reflected on the changes of your music style? D: That’s it. Back then, it was all about playing guitar. I thought it was pointless if I didn’t shake the guitar off all the way. That’s why I barely listen to the sound of the other members when we were playing live. Things like, matching the rhythm of the drums. This was something that the staff would sometimes point out to me. “Listen to what the others are playing, keep the rhythm more”, things like that. -At that time, when they told you that, what did you say? D: I said “Oh, yes” and I tried to do what I was asked to do, but once the live started I was like “Waa, let’s go” (laughs) It was good and bad, isn’t it? -So, when you listen to 'Clever Sleazoid, do you remember those days? D: Yes.  It was around the time we started playing at Shinkiba (Studio coast), so the image of Shinkiba's lives is very present. Later, we started going abroad, so it really was a time in which the band started to change again. Well, there are many things to reflect on. I used to hit the guitar a lot. I wasn’t happy so I would lose my temper soon. As I made a lot of mistakes during a live, I would be like “what the hell are you doing?”, it’s like being crazy like that would be part of my attitude.  I piled the anger up more and more, and when I noticed; I already threw the guitar away. Then, I was like “This is broken” (the guitar). - Don’t make the musical instrument makers cry…. D: Well, at that time, it was more like I felt sorry for doing it. It's a little off topic, but I went to the ESP factory for the first time this year. So, if you see the process of making guitars from the scratch, after that, you'll never throw a guitar. Everyone was there making them from the scratch so carefully, it’s different than seeing the final result. -So, it was like “I can’t treat my guitars like that”. D: Throwing them it’s not ok. -(Laughs) D: That's why I think "Clever Sleazoid" was done when the band was at the last minute, when the band was at that changing period. Maybe…. somehow, it was like a routine for us to make songs, release albums, and touring. Of course, each of them is important, but when it comes to tours, there were a lot of them, so somewhere we got used to that. It was something like that. Especially when I think about it now, I strongly feel that it wasn’t reasonable. At that time, we were touring as a matter of course, fans came to see us as a matter of course and you could say that the things we were doing at that moment were a luxury/privilege. -You are for sure fully realizing that it was like that. D: That’s right. I was doing everything based on my emotions and I showed a lot of my shameful side. -I think that such ups and downs are also what embodies a band called DIR EN GREY that is directly linked to emotions. D: Hahaha, is that so? Really, I remember the good things and the bad as well from that period. I think the way the members perceive things has changed a lot in the last 15 years. - But at that time, hearing the impression of overseas bands that you had at that time(laughs). D: We were going to festivals at that time, right? And everyone was there asking for the applause so to me it was like “what the…?”. I wondered why they didn’t aim to be cooler on stage instead of that. I thought it was because it was a festival, and everyone was excited. Like, “move more like this”, “show yourself more in that position”, “more around like that” ….it was like that at that moment. -There was also a boom in screamo and post-hardcore bands. D: Yes. So, as we were going abroad, we experienced several things as a band. I went overseas with that unsatisfactory feeling because we would be part of festivals and I really felt that we couldn’t pass through the world with the feelings of our live. “The challenge was what kind of live performance we were going to do in front of Deftones’ fans” -Did you change your mind by the time you were part of KORN's "Family Values Tour" in 2006? D: The change was around that time…. however, it wasn't even at that exact moment. I feel like we were still playing only focusing on ourselves and we didn’t look around us. However, people who liked us would come to see us, so a new perspective was born. If we haven’t gone abroad as we wouldn’t have seen things from that angle, we probably wouldn’t have changed. If we've kept always playing just in front of fans who liked us, I honestly think that I might have been playing more and more just to satisfy myself. -I wonder if Dir en grey would be as strong as it is now without that experience. D: I don't think so. We were part of a festival in Germany and people threw stuff at us…. That things like that happened to us…. I think it’s good we had that kind of experiences. -The sharp/bitter feeling of that moment is different now.  Currently, I feel that this made your core stonger. D: Well, when you think about the concerts you did in the past, the feeling is different. In the past, I was in a band, but it felt more like "It’s because I can't do it alone". It was like each member has to do it (their part) but now, in order to sound as a band, it is necessary to listen to the members and make the sound. It’s I am 1/5 of that. Otherwise, it won't reach the fans. I don't care if my energy goes up there. It’s a chance to create a unified sound or to stand out as an individual. After all, the sound becomes messy even if only one person rushes, and I think you have to play consciously so that a unified sound can be produced. So now, what I want from a live performance has changed. Probably because I experienced several things. However, even though I gained experience touring overseas, our live performances didn’t get mellow. -Yes, that’s for sure. That's why several overseas bands were interested in DIR EN GREY. D: For example, we toured with Deftones at the "Family Values Tour" and they watched us live, so they called us to be their support band for their next Deftones headline tour. We had the opportunity play in front of Deftones fans, and the challenge was what kind of live we were going to do. As expected, even there, the overseas staff told us, "Why don't you instigate the crowd?” “Do you want to be appealing more to the fans?" "Why don't you ask for more applause?" (Laughs) -Again, the clapping (laughs) D: That’s how the culture is over there, right? It was also a tour where the atmosphere/mood got really bad. For the whole month we were told to interact with the fans more. Even in places that weren’t related to the venue. I can communicate more with the overseas staff because I don’t have to speak English that much but they would told us  things like ….“say hello”, “if the fans say something to you, say something back”….. -Eh? Things like that? D: We were pretending to be cool even when the fans were waiting. (laughs) -Hahahaha D: I couldn’t believe that the staff over there was telling us that. Things like “you have to be friendlier with the fans”. For us, it was like “Why are they telling us things like this? It’s awful”. -You were the type of band that you wouldn’t see over there but I think that there were people interested in that atmosphere. D: That might be true. Well, a lot of stuff happened. “This is everything I am. This is my axis” -Then, let's change the topic, let’s talk about the "20 albums that inspired you”  you chose this time. Looking at the selection of Japanese music, there are many works where you can feel the taste of beat rock, punk, and rock and roll, but are these the roots of your flesh and blood?

D: That’s right…. there is no metal, right? -That’s true. D: If my musical roots were metal, there would be a lot of different albums so my play style would have been completely different. I also think that my guitar would be different and if I were a metal guitarist, Dir en grey would have been closer to metal music in a different way as well. -There is a sense of balance in Dir en grey because your style comes from that position, isn’t there? D: That might be why (our music) is not completely metal. -Among the albums, you chose D'ERLANGER and BODY because their guitarist is CIPHER. D: Well, this is everything I am. This is my axis. Regarding D’ERLANGER, I mentioned the album from their last live because that’s the one I heard the most. "LA VIE EN ROSE" (1989) and "BASILISK" (1990) were released as albums, weren’t they? But when it comes to live performances, the sound is totally different. The live album has a raw feel, it feels very alive, and the more I listen to it, the more elements I find out…. Like the flexibility of the strings, the picking is too strong and the sound is a little off, the phrase is different from the album or there is no sound…. -You are considerately listening to it in an intense way…. D: Yes. There is too much sense of being a real live in it, so I heard this the most. -This degree of perfection is reflected in "D'ERLANGER TRIBUTE ALBUM ~ Stairway to Heaven~" announced in 2017 by D'ERLANGER. It was cool that you covered "EASY MAKE, EASY MARK" recorded in this live. D: Including arrangements, CIPHER told me that he “felt a lot of love” in it (laughs) -Like the live performance, while being full of love, the essence of DIR EN GREY is there too. That’s a good example of how to do a cover. D: Certainly, when I was working on that cover, I felt like I was doing our own song. -Next is CRAZE “That's life" (1996). A long time ago, I remember that you chose and covered the song “Kizu” at the FC limited live of DIR EN GREY in 2001 D: Ah, yes yes. I did “Kizu” and D'ERLANGER as well. How could I say this?.......in a few words, the best album. -Especially at this era, the members had an edgy image, and their atmosphere was hard to approach. D: That's right. The atmosphere was also cool, you don’t get used to it, the 4 wolfs (the members of CRAZE) personality is realistically reflected in the song. I felt like “Kizu” represented how I felt, and that passion and power was so real. It’s different than D’ERLANGER but CRAZE was also the coolest band for me. Then, didn’t I choose something from Ziggy as well? -Yes, "KOOL KIZZ" (1990) which is also a good album. The famous song "DONT STOP BELIEVING" is also included in this work. D: That's right.  I knew ZIGGY before knowing D'ERLANGER, and I practise guitar copying them. So, if I hadn’t known D’ERLANGER, I would probably have become a rock and roll guitarist (laughs) Carrying a Les Paul guitar, playing rock and roll, with long hair with a little perm. -Well, I’m not kidding when I say that would look good though. "Jonathan Davis from KORN said, ‘I like the melody of the chorus’ and sang ‘Saku’ in front of me." -On the other hand, Western music has an alternative atmosphere as a whole, when it comes to pop, there are many catchy songs. Furthermore, there are bands like Tool and System of a Down. D: I think in that area, I was inspired by listening to these bands since I started doing DIR EN GREY. My interest in how make music, how the live sound was, and how the sound of the CD turned out, was also very big. Also, for example, when we were invited by KORN (Family Values Tour 2006), it was our first long tour abroad, and there were many things to absorb around us. It seems like we were struck by the American style and the style of overseas tours. It was a time when all sorts of things were stimulating. -How did the members feel about the "Family Values Tour", as there were many things that you had to face for the first time? D:  Well….at first there were moments that it felt like “is this okay?”. We were the only Japanese band, and there were crazy bands like KORN, Deftones, and Stone Sour, and we're like in the middle of them. Besides, we’ve never done a live in a daily basis. -Didn’t it make you feel confident to be part of that line up? D: Well…. the feeling that we experienced several things is stronger. At the time, the internet wasn’t very good yet, so it made me feel homesick (laughs). The only way to get in contact with the people that was in Japan was by email. Even doing lives and going on tour with the frequency we did in Japan, I can’t even tell the distance we travelled through Japan. This tour was around the whole country, so the distances felt big.  We had never left Japan for a month and a half, so I would say that overall, we did well. After all, this was the start of touring in America, wasn’t it? -KORN made it easier for Dir en grey, right? D: They made it really good for us. Jonathan (KORN’s vocalist) liked "Saku" very much and he told me "I like the melody of the chorus" and sang the melody in front of me. -That’s amazing, that Jonathan Davis sings “Saku”! D: Jonathan often watched our live performances and listened to our songs. I'm grateful for that. -Besides that, Fair to Midland from USA and My Vitriol from the UK are also among your choices. D: We toured together with Fair to Midland in 2007. When we did our first tour on our own, they went around with us as opening band. If I do something in another side project, their songs are so good that I want to do something like that. My Vitriol is a band influenced by My Bloody Valentine, I wonder why they don’t sell more, to me, they are in the same line that Fair to Midland. The chord work and the feeling of the melodies make the best combination. I've been wondering why they didn’t release a second one (album). Like, nothing at all (laughs). Then, in 2016 I didn’t know that it came out as it was released secretly*. It’s highly recommended. I can’t help but want to watch them live so much. *In 2016, My Vitriol released their second studio album through a funding campaign at PledgeMusic ( online direct-to-fan music plattform).It was a limited released fanbase-only album, that’s why Die says it was released “secretly”. “I felt like something is crawling inside me. I never had that feeling before” -What is your impression of Tool? D: We were together at a Polish festival in 2007, and despite being a festival, the live performance was perfect. It was like…. "Why does this sound like this?" That's why I couldn't move during the live performance. They nailed it from the beginning until the end. I was close to the PA table for a while, but it was too shocking. Not only the sound, but also the direction and the construction of the songs, they are all art. It's not like music anymore, it's like transcending everything…. It seems like I'm watching a movie, and I felt like something was crawling inside me, I never had that feeling before. Anyway, the live performance at that time was too amazing for me. -If you want to make something like that, you will have to release an album every 5-6 years? D: Hahaha! Wasn’t their latest work the first one in 13 years? I'm surprised (laughs). -That’s right. One of the albums you chose is from System of a Down, but did you like them from the beginning? D: Well, that’s what happened. It’s an indescribable style, but I think DIR EN GREY was also quite fierce in the past. There were times when riffs were not straightforward and "system-like”, flying as words among the members. -Did that happen? It's a valuable story. Last but not least, what kind of expectations do you have for the future? D:  Honestly, when it comes to concerts, I guess under these circumstances we won’t be able to do any. We couldn’t finish the flow of “The Insulated World” and we had to move on to the next step, so we are going to start working on the album. All the tour scheduled are gone, right? So, we can work on it before we had planned it. I wish I can write songs, record them and be active in 2021…. that’s exactly what I want, what I couldn’t do in 2020. I would like to tour until I burn out.

[karajaynetoday]

forever and always | calum hood

I couldn’t find the original credit for this gif but possibly here? It’s a deactivated blog though if anyone has the proper credit please let me know!

I don’t know how or why, but I woke up this morning thinking about this concept and I had to get it written to make my peace with it, in a way. Shout out to @spicycal for reading through the draft for me, and sending love to anyone this resonates with. It’s a very emo Calum one-shot that includes pregnancy loss (if that’s not something you can read, feel free to give this one a miss), but I promise it has a happy ending. 

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy loss/stillbirth, and references to COVID-19 (the pandemic circumstances i.e. quarantine, not actually having the illness)

(This is a fem reader insert)

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Calum ducked his head down to meet your gaze, brown eyes swimming with concern.

You were sat together on the couch in Ashton’s living room, surrounded by a lighting set up, having a quiet moment while Andy and Ryan were setting up their cameras in front of you. 5SOS were preparing to release their next album, and to reflect on the past ten years’ of the band, they had decided to film a documentary alongside the album process. After much deliberation, KayKay, Sierra and Crystal had agreed to take part, because they were just as much a part of the band’s journey as the boys’ families were, and their support and influence on the music was obvious. For you, though, it was a little different. You and Calum had successfully hidden your relationship from the public eye for the last four years. It was some sort of miracle, honestly, especially given the last little while where you’d gotten careless and slipped up by holding hands and showing affection in public. If any fans or paps noticed, they never said anything, and it gave you and Calum a sense of relief that no one knew your name or true identity when you were spotted with him or the rest of the band family in public.

Relief, but you had to admit that it hurt a little too. You’d seen the hate and vitriol that the other guys’ partners had experienced, and you knew Calum was just trying to protect you from all of that, but every time someone made a joke about him being the only single one in interviews, or asked him what he looked for in a girl, or the fans ran away with relationship rumours whenever he was photographed within breathing distance of a potential love interest,  it made your chest feel tight. At the end of the day, though, Calum always came home to you, and that was what truly mattered.

To say that this was a big moment, publicly announcing your relationship with Calum, and revealing that you’d kept it hidden for years, was an understatement. But you knew it was important to both of you to finally share it with the world. Not just because you loved each other and wanted to show it, but because the events of the past year had broken and rebuilt you all over again. As individuals, as a couple, and even for the band as a whole. You knew that the hope you’d held, and the pain that tore you down, and the healing you’d been through came across in Calum’s contributions to the new album, so it felt right to sit down and use your own voice to convey your feelings about it all.

You broke out of your deep train of thought to nod in response to Calum’s question, and press a quick but reassuring kiss to his lips.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” You whispered, as Calum threw his arm around your shoulders and squeezed to let you know he was in support of whatever you wanted to do.

“Okay guys, we’re ready if you’re all good to go?” Ryan spoke up from behind the camera, trying not to unsettle you two and the moment you were clearly having. A deep breath and a brief smile from you and Calum let Ryan know he could start recording, and Andy sat down out of frame and pulled his notebook of questions into his lap.

“So, shall we start from the beginning?”

Your heart swelled, as you began to remember.

--

Ashton had full on wingman-ed Calum when you first met them both at a bar downtown. He was dating KayKay at the time, so he’d made it his mission to find Cal a hot date, or a lover, or a lifelong companion (“Any of the above will do, as long as you’re not a shit person”, he’d told you as he tried to pitch Calum to you). The pitch had worked, and you’d joined them for a few drinks and rounds of pool, before exchanging numbers with Calum at the end of the night.

From there, it was coffee dates, and brunches, and then dinners and nights out on the town. Soon it became days or nights at each other’s houses, which became entire weekends, then it was trips away or secret visits to see Calum on tour, and before you knew it, you’d been dating for the better part of the last two years and Cal asked you to move in with him. He knew it was a sacrifice on your part, not only dating someone who was away for months at a time, let alone someone whose hand you couldn’t hold out in public for risk of being photographed, but you also knew that you and Calum loved each other more deeply than you’d ever loved before. You understood he’d be burned in the past with public or semi-public relationships, and seeing his band brothers go through them made him hesitant at best. By moving in together, you’d see each other more, and you’d also get to shower each other with the love and desire that was building more and more within your soul with every passing day.

--

“So that’s the story of how we met. Mate, honestly, I was head over heels from day one.” Calum laughed, kissing your forehead quickly.

“I’ve had the privilege of observing you two and your love for one another for a few years now, and I have to say it’s a beautiful thing. You just seem to know each other inside out, and I love that soulmate aspect of your relationship.” Andy mused, flashing you a warm smile.

“Now, in terms of influence on this upcoming album, I know the past 18 months have been a rollercoaster for us all, but you two especially have been through a lot. Do you feel comfortable talking us through that a little bit?” Andy was careful with his words, not wanting to upset you or make you uncomfortable.

You squeezed Calum’s knee, before swallowing thickly and thinking back to the time period Andy had mentioned.

--

When 2020 began, you held so much hope and excitement for the year ahead. Watching Calum and his brothers play the Firefight Australia concert was incredible, and you were so thrilled for them to be releasing their latest album that truly felt representative of the four individuals who had come together to craft it. But then the pandemic began, and you were ordered into quarantine. Each day felt heavier somehow, with more sad stories on the news, and more frustration building up amongst your loved ones. It broke your heart to see Calum and the boys not able to release the album in the way they’d originally hoped, but Cal himself was both an optimist and a realist, and constantly reiterated that it felt like the right time to release it anyway, because maybe it would bring a bit of joy and serenity to people that needed that in their lives amongst all the chaos.

You’d quickly fallen into the routine of home isolation, waking early to get your work hours done, so you could spend your afternoons with Calum and Duke by the pool, or hiking a nearby trail, or bingeing Netflix on the couch. It was strange to have so much time together, but it was also so warm and comforting that it didn’t take you long to get anxious at the idea of Calum ever leaving again for tour or promo. That was a while away, though, so you tried your best to make the most of the time you had, and take it one day at a time.

You couldn’t remember the first day you woke up feeling nauseous. Sometime in June, you supposed. A few days of vomiting and fatigue that made you feel like you’d been hit by a bus, and you had a telehealth appointment with your doctor to try and figure out what was going on. Given your symptoms, they’d asked you in for tests right away. A week or so later, you were back sitting in the doctor’s office awaiting the results, extra nervous because the COVID-19 restrictions meant that Calum couldn’t come in with you. You’d thought about FaceTiming him into the appointment, but there was something in the back of your mind telling you that you wanted to have a moment to yourself to process the news, whatever it was going to be.

When your doctor looked at you with a smile and told you that you were pregnant, all you could do was gape back at her in shock. It shouldn’t have come entirely as a surprise; you and Calum had spoken a few times about the vision you had for your future, and the uncertainty and restlessness that quarantine had given you made foregoing protection seem right, somehow (lovesick logic, or something like that). But it happening so quickly was unexpected. Your shock was soon replaced with tears of happiness, and you were already bursting at the seams to get home and tell Calum the news.

He was speechless at first, too, but then again Calum always was a man of few words. You’d kept it to yourselves for a little while, only discussing it in quiet whispers, or soft touches onto your non-existent bump, or sending links of cute baby things to one another via WhatsApp message. A few weeks later, you had your first scan, and this time Calum was allowed in the room. You could see his eyes light up when he heard the strong heartbeat on the monitor, and later he’d tell you how he immediately wanted to voicenote it on his phone to listen to while he was away on tour, or even mix it into a song.

Seeing that tiny blob on the screen and hearing the heartbeat honestly made your entire year, and from then on you couldn’t resist sharing your happiness with others. Video calls with yours and Calum’s parents, more happy tears and cheering from the soon-to-be first time grandparents.

The restrictions in California had eased a little, so you invited Ashton, Luke, Michael and their respective partners over for dinner one night. You’d prepared some cute greeting cards, one for each couple, thanking them for all of their support over the years with helping to protect your privacy with Calum, and slipped a copy of the baby scan with “see you in February” written on the back inside the card. Once everyone was settled onto the couches in the living room, waiting for dinner to be ready, you handed them out and sat down in Calum’s lap, taking a sip of your drink to try and hide the excitement on your face.

It was so amusing to observe the reactions that were representative of each couple. Michael and Crystal gasped and cheered, immediately pulling you and Calum into tight hugs. Ashton and KayKay were more reserved, but whispers of love and encouragement and happiness into your ears were so lovely and cherished. The tears in Sierra’s eyes, and the comfort of Luke’s squeeze of his arms around your waist said more than they could ever put into words.

The emotional celebrations soon turned into teasing jibes, and Ashton’s pitch for a new line of 5SOS baby merch. (“Come on guys, a baby-sized bucket hat? Tiny hoodies? Wildflower plush toys? A lullabies album? I’m telling you, there’s a whole WORLD of opportunity for us opening up right now!”), and you couldn’t help but feel both overjoyed and overwhelmed at how much this little baby was going to be surrounded with love and support for every day of their life.

The months carried on, and your once invisible baby bump grew and grew. You and Calum cleared out a spare room for the nursery, and got lost in furniture shopping and paint swatches and reading every parenting book you could get your hands on. There were doctors appointments, and birthing classes; lists of potential baby names on the fridge, and consulting your dog trainer on how best to introduce old man Duke to the idea of a new arrival.

As December approached, and you started getting into the festive spirit, Calum began returning to the studio as he and the guys toyed with some potential new directions for the next album. All of them had studios built into their homes, so they could meet and work together in relative safety, which was reassuring. You were standing over the kitchen sink one day, rinsing out the pan you’d used to make eggs for breakfast, when a searing pain in your abdomen had you groaning in discomfort and gripping onto the kitchen counter for dear life. The pain eased momentarily, and then came back stronger, and you managed to grab your phone from the counter and dial Calum’s number frantically as you gasped for breath.

The next few hours were a blur; Calum raced home to find you curled up in pain on the kitchen floor, Ashton and the paramedics were quick to follow him inside. They put you in an ambulance and took you straight to the hospital; you and Calum were gripping each other’s hand so tightly that your knuckles were white with stress.

The doctors determined you were in pre-term labour, and soon enough you were in a delivery room panting and pushing and crying out to Calum for comfort. It was all so terrifying and overwhelming but he was doing his best to ground you, brushing his fingers through your hair and holding your hand and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. When you finally delivered the baby, a hush fell over the room, and you could tell from the look on the faces of your doctor and nurses that something wasn’t right. 

The silence continued, and your heart broke when you realised that the baby hadn’t started to cry like you’d expected. The nurses had moved the infant over to another station, suctioning their airway and connecting them up to all manner of tubes and wires, but after a few moments your doctor told you the news. It was a baby girl, but her heartbeat wasn’t there. She’d come into the world and gone out again, just like that.

--

“I know a lot of people struggle to talk about stillbirths, and losing children, and it’s such a deeply personal thing so I get it. But it’s also grief, and loss, and emotions that you feel whenever you lose anyone you love. If there’s one thing I wish we could do more, as people in general, it’s discuss how we feel, and normalise having emotions, because it brings you closer and makes you feel less alone.” You spoke softly, blinking away the tears that had started to well in your eyes.

Andy nodded gently at you, before a quiet “Cal?” with an encouraging flick of his head.

Calum cleared his throat and glanced over at you before speaking. 

“I think that’s a huge part of why we wanted to be here today and talk about not only our relationship but losing Matilda in particular. It’s a sensitive topic, I know, especially for men, but holding back and bottling up your emotions isn’t good for anyone. Without her support in getting me to open up, or having the boys to listen to me cry and help me get some of my feelings out, in words and on this album, I don’t think I’d be in as good a place as I am now. It’s dark to think about, but important not to ignore, I think.”

“You’re so right, Cal. And Matilda is always going to be a part of our story, and we’re never going to forget how much we loved her and how much closer together she brought us,” You began, pausing briefly to squeeze Calum’s hand that had settled on your swollen stomach, “And when our little rainbow baby arrives in the next few weeks, I can’t wait to tell them about their sister, and how much she would’ve loved to meet them, but now she’s watching over them instead.”

“Exactly. We’re always going to have had Matilda, and then this little one, and however many others we decide to try and bring into the world. But it’s the love that builds you and the loss that breaks you that makes us who we are. Forever and always.” Calum’s voice was emotional, but also firm and calm, as he looked down at you and kissed you intently, his hand never leaving its spot on your bump, where your little rainbow baby was kickly softly at the sound of his voice.

“Forever and always.” You agreed, inhaling deeply and feeling a sense of deep peace and content wash over you.

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

Taglist: @suchalonelysunflower​ @blackbutterfliescal​ @redrattlers​ @loveroflrh​ @spicycal​ @notinthesameguey​ @metalandboybands​ @cheekysos​   @ashton-trash

[disney8733]

finding our song book one

begging

The lights of the stage flashed on showing the band members on it. You could hear the hum of the lead starting the opening of the song “ Put your loving hand out, baby 'Cause I'm beggin'' The rest of the band starts to join in the song known as, Beggin’. From the right side of the stage, you could see him as the main bass of the band Daichi Sawamura, A five foot nine well-built dark-haired brown-eyed man with thighs so thick they could crush a watermelon in half. It was the beginning of the trash heap tour for Junkyard scrap. The alternate punk rock band that everyone knew. They were known for being an attractive upcoming popular All-Star Band. Their lead singer had an amazing voice that could go and reach the low notes of a song but sound smokey and sweet and loving. Their bass guitarist could play the strings of his bass like nobody else. Their lead guitarist could play any guitar ranging from electric to ukulele. And there was their drummer. He was the rhythm of their band and could make a beat out of a pencil tapping on a table. But that's not all the band had to offer oh no there is much more. At first glance, junkyard scrap looks like a normal band but that's not all they had. Each one of the band members could do more than just what they were known for. junkyard scrap was nicknamed The Multiverse band, their lead singer Kōtarō Bokuto Also known as the owl was a Bombastic, friendly, energetic guy. Also known as The Moody one tending to sometimes in the middle of an interview going into an “emo mode” because he was sad. Bokuto could also play the drums, guitar, and song right to a certain extent. Tetsurō Kuroo the lead guitarist, is also known as rooster head due to the way his hair looks. Although he looked laid-back, he always seemed to be scheming for something and liked to provoke others' well-dishing outside remarks to them. But the truth of reality is that true karoo is a kind of surprisingly genius man both in music and somehow chemistry. The man could not only play electric guitar but also the bass, the acoustic, the ukulele, the piano, the trumpet and is an absolute god at writing love songs. Daichi Sawamura The bass guitarist of the group. Known as the dad of the group he's responsible, caring, understanding, and patient. Except for when you piss him off then he becomes utterly terrifying and everybody seems to be attracted to that. He can also play the electric guitar. If and when he does sing it's a very low soft and sweet velvet voice. And lastly Hajime Iwaizumi on the drums. A stubborn yet reliable member of the band with a strong intimidating vibe. With a firm yet caring attitude towards the rest of his team everyone tends to respect him and all his fans see him as a bad boy. He can also sing very well. These four young men make up the group known as Junkyard scrap. Clear their fan base they were gods that can play music like nobody else the hottest things on Earth. But to the four of them, they were just a bunch of friends who decided to play at a concert one night with the rest is pretty much history. From the crowd, you can hear the girls screaming their heads off for Daichi. Indicating that they were playing the song ashes which was sung by the drummer Iwaizum. “I fell in love with a boy I met in hell”. As the concert continued The Stylist walked up to their manager Kiyok.

“Are we going to do an outfit change?” the stylist asked

“Not that I know of unless Bo has other plans” She replies with a heavy sigh. Bo had a habit of taking his shirt off in a particular song known as Glory and throwing it in the crowd because according to him the song had just such a “vibe” and “he was so pumped he didn't know what he was doing”. The entire band called them out for just wanting to take his shirt off for no reason. And he did not deny or confirm this action. As the two were talking at that very moment You could hear Kuroo starting to play his electric guitar to the notes of none other than the song Glory. Kiyoko Turn to The Stylist rolling her eyes towards the stage saying “ well the answer to your question is yes Suga, we will be an athlete change in which Bokuto will need another shirt”

“Noted” he replied back quickly leaving her at the side of the stage to go get him a new shirt. At this point, he wasn't surprised he had been with the band as their stylus for the past 6 months and he had gotten pretty much used to the clothes that he had either hand-picked or made himself for Bo, being thrown into the crowd. At first yeah totally annoying the crap out of him. But then the bass player of the band talked to him stating how typically they get the shirts back because most of the fans know but was not allowed to do that anymore even though he still does it. Daichi promised that he would talk to Bo after every concert and yell at him for doing so. Now it wasn't that Suga would say that he was in love with Daichi. But he loves the idea of having a strong Rockstar boyfriend. Though it was never going to happen, he knew that and that was fine. What he didn't know is that Daichi himself had fallen head-over-heels Suga from the day that they met. As the concert ended you could hear the loud roaring of the crowd. The band thanked everybody for coming out and giving them a chance to start a brand new tour.

As the band members came off the stage. They were talking and laughing in a way that made you feel at home.

“That was a good show” Kuroo stated “Even if Bo took his shirt off again” the Rooster continued

“ I told you guys every time you play the song. I just get this feeling that I just can't explain it I just got to be free it's glorious if you try it sometime” Bokuto responded well laughing

“ You know Bokuto. First of all, it's just weird and secondly, you throw away all of Suga's hard work. You jerk” Daichi replied looking at Suga

“Oh, it’s ok. There just close

“No, it’s not ok. It costs us money every time he does it. Right kiyoko” Iwaizumi said

“Sadly Iwaizumi is right,” she said without even looking up from her notes.

“IM SORRY SUGA” Bo bowed his head. Suga just smiled.

“Don't worry, let's go get the shirt back together this time ok” the beautiful silver hair boy stated. As they walked away Daichi couldn't help but stare at Sugawara. To him, Sugawara was a beautiful 5' 8.7" slender-built guy, with light grey hair, and hazel-brown eyes. Not to mention, a birthmark mole under his left eye that Daichi just wanted to kiss. Kōshi Sugawara had a soothing and gentle personality. he kind of acted as a pillar of support for the crew and the band. He was a kind and sweet man. Daichi was unsure of when he had fallen for the man, maybe it was when they first met. That was the start at least.

“You if you ask him out, no one would stop you and every owner would approve,” Kuroo said smiling as they walk to the dressing room.

“I can't I have to Maintain appearance for the band's image” he s simply replied

“ You're joking right, In case you forgot I'm dating Kenma. You know the guy who wright more then half our song” Kuroo Side as he sat down in the chair taking his shoes off

“That's different. You two were dating way before we came to fame” Daichi huffed out as he took his jacket off. Just then Kenma walked while playing on his Game Boy.

“Kuroo,” the short boy said not looking up

“Yes, kitten?” the roster replied

“I want cuddles and apple pie”

“Ok kitten, just let get changed” Kuroo hurried up getting out of the outfit he had on and into sweatpants and a sweatshirt then picked up his boyfriend, leaving the room to go get apple pie and cuddle. Leaving Daichi alone. “Maybe he’s right,” he sighed as took out his shirt.

“Knock knock Dai-” Suga said, opening the door just as Daichi’s pants groped. Leaving him in nothing but his boxer. “OH, MY GOD IM SO SORRY I- I’ll um” He stumbled to figure out what exactly should say.

“It’s fine, just give me a sec,” Daichi said as he grabbed his sweatpants, He had decided to leave his shirt off for a multitude of reasons, mainly because he wanted to make Suga blush. “So I'm guessing you need the outfits from the performance today,” He said as he smiled. “Um yes please… and thank you” Suga replied calmly. Daichi nodded, picking up the clothes in the room and heading them over to Suga. Just as Suga took them he ended up trying over his feet, falling on Daichi. When Suga opened his eyes he realized both of his hands were on Daichi's chest, his shirtless chest realizing. where his hands were he blushed training his face into the color of the Tomato he stood up to grab the clothes and ran to the door. “I'M SORRY...Again… AND THANK YOU… GOODBYE!” He said that he closed the door behind them running down the hallway away from the embarrassment that just happened. Leaving sitting on the floor as red as the color of a tomato. “Your welcome,” he said to no one but himself.

To be continued

[velianmagicalgirl]

An Important Anniversary

So today’s Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you had a good one. So anyway, I’m going to write something I’ve kinda wanted to write about for a while now but never knew when to do it it or if I even should. I wondered if anyone would care or if it was selfish of me to want anyone to care. But I’m doing it because I know I want to and if I don’t I’ll be mad at myself for that too.  So this is going to be a bit personal (and probably a bit long because I have a tendency to ramble) so if you don’t want to read it, feel free to skip but I would appreciate it if you did read it :) 

So like I said, today is Christmas and I want to talk about something quite important to me that happened on this day last year.  So last year I was in a pretty different place then than I am now (like most of us). I lived in Florida then, and now I live in South Carolina. I had just finished my first semester at my university and I was about to turn 21 (my birthday’s in January). 

So anyway, it came time to open presents, and among other things, my parents got me a record player which I was super excited for (I planned to buy one myself so I was pretty happy I wouldn’t have to spend the money :p) and one of the records my parents had gotten me was *drumroll please* The Joshua Tree by U2!  Now, this wasn’t a complete surprise to me (well it was a surprise that they got it for me, what a coincidence) but I had actually heard of this album and this band before... 

This is the story of how the universe tried to get me to listen to U2 since I was freaking 12 and I’m so dense I kept ignoring all the *signs* until last freaking year. 

Let’s time travel back to 2012 (sometimes I wish I could...) So I’ve done some thinking and this is the first time I can remember ever hearing anything about this band named after a Cold War era spy plane. Now I’m not exactly sure what year this was, it may have been 2011 but 2012 kept popping up in my head while I thought of it.  So at this time I was 12-13 years old (depending what year it was) and I was in 6th grade. Yes hello, I am a child.  So, really the whole memory is my mom talking to me, saying something along the lines of “That’s Bono! You know who Bono is right? Come on, everyone knows who Bono is! You know, the Irish guy?” and I remember being like “oh yeah!” pretending to remember just so she would leave me alone. Either I had a very vague memory of hearing that name before or I really had no idea who she was talking about and just wanted her to leave me alone.  This whole thing would explain why, up until last year, whenever I thought of him, I thought of him in his 360 look. Even now, that’s like his “default look” to me haha.  When I think about it, it feels like this was all in relation to American Idol which would make sense because I was in love with that show at the time and I had a huge crush on one of the contestants that year, a country singer named Scotty McCreery (I think he ended up winning too). I had a huuuuge crush on him, just ask my mom. 

Anyway, that’s my first memory of them. I guess it doesn’t have to do with U2 as a whole but it’s about Bono so... 

So fast forward about two years. I originally wasn’t going to include this but I just thought of it so in it goes. It’s 2014 now, I’m 15, just moved to Florida and I’m about to start high school. I also just missed out on getting a super cool new free album on my phone because my dumb dad (accidentally) broke my iPhone by dropping it in water. Thanks Dad. So in late August-early September (before September 9th obviously) I get a new phone but end up getting an Android. So I literally by just a few days miss out and getting that. Noooooooo. 

So anyway back to our regularly scheduled program of what I was going to write about. So next year, it’s 2015 now, I’m 16 and about to do a bunch of Stupid Things™ that it seems everyone is required to do while they’re in high school *sigh*. But we’re not going to get into that (😅).  This is another vague memory I have. I just remember having some sort of conversation with my mom about music. And somehow, I end up with the knowledge of The Joshua Tree by this band U2. I don’t really remember how specifically it happened, I just now it had something to do with her. I do have this specific memory of sitting in the computer lab during one of my classes and listening to the album.  Except, for some reason, I only ever listened to the first three songs. Seriously. Why? I have no idea. What was wrong with me? And I liked them (especially the first one). I remember not liking the third one very much (hahaha... how that’s changed...) So I liked them, but for some reason they just didn’t catch on in my head (and I didn’t listen to the others... FOR SOME REASON *kicks self*). 

So anyway, time goes on and I mostly forget about those three little songs. Until February-ish 2018. I’m now 19 and about to graduate high school in a few months (scary). Anyway, I pick up this book at the school library one day called The Memory of Things (by Gae Polisner, it’s actually one of my favorite books, if not the favorite. I really recommend it). So basically the main character Kyle is a pretty big U2 fan. That’s not really the plot or anything but that’s a big part of his character. There’s a part where he’s looking online at pictures of the recent Slane Castle concert during the Elevation Tour and he’s like “I wish I was there” (me too). There’s also a part where he gives one of his friends his PopMart shirt. There’s also a chapter called “Achtung Baby” (I was like “what the heck is an achtung”) where one of the things that happens is he talks about how he likes the song Mysterious Ways (can’t argue with you there buddy). 

So a few months later, I find this movie called “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” on Netflix (also a really good movie, highly recommend, I don’t know if it’s on Netflix right now though) and I’m one of those weird people who likes to watch trailers for movies they’ve already seen so I was watching one of the trailers and Streets started playing and I was like “hey I remember this song!” and got me to start listening to it again (not the other three that I’d listened to before, or the other ones FOR SOME REASON *sigh* Also, here is the trailer if you’re at all interested).  

So fast-forwarding again to 2019. Last year. So like I said, I’m about to turn 21 and I open up one of my Christmas gifts to find that my parents got me a Joshua Tree record. I get excited because I’m like “Oh I remember this!” and I remembered I never actually listened to the whole thing before.  So finally AFTER FIVE FREAKING YEARS, I finally listen to the whole thing. And I really liked it. A lot. Why didn’t I do that before?? Like five years ago?? *kicks self*. Honestly, looking back on this, it really seems like the universe was really trying to get me to listen to them like “listen to U2 listen to U2 listen to U2 damnit!” but apparently I’m about as dense as a boy being flirted to so I had to be basically whacked on the head with it before I got it. 

So then a week or two later it’s now 2020 (it feels weird to think this was this year but it was) and my parents are driving me back to my dorm before the semester starts up. And we’re sitting at this light, I would tell you where it was except obviously you wouldn’t know. But there’s one light and then you take a left and maybe a hundred or 200 feet later there’s another light where you take a right and that takes you into the university campus.  So we’re sitting at this light and this cool song comes on. I look to see who it is (the joys of satellite radio) and I see it’s Mysterious Ways and I’m like “oh cool, a U2 song!” and also “hey, it’s that song from that book!” As much as I try to, I can’t seem to remember if I’d actually heard that song before or if I just thought I did because of that book. But I definitely liked it in that moment.  And I’m not kidding when I say this, but the song comes on and lasts the entire drive from that light to my dorm building parking lot. It ends right as we pull into a parking spot. Seriously. Was it meant to be? 😜 So after that, my parents help me bring my stuff back into my room and after they leave, I look up that song on Youtube and listen to it on repeat a few times while I’m unpacking my stuff. 

So now it’s a few days later, it’s my birthday, I’m now 21 and my dad comes to visit me. He takes me out to dinner and then I ask him to take me to Barnes and Noble so I can get some books. While I’m there I realize they have a record section and I think “hey I have a record player now so why don’t I look?” and so of course I end up at the Us because who else would I be thinking of at this point. So I look and notice that there’s an Achtung Baby album there and I think “hey it’s that album from that book!” and “that Mysterious Ways song is on here isn’t it?” so I ask my dad to buy it for me and he does. 

So I go back to my dorm and listen to it. And I guess like a lot of people did when it was actually released, I sat there thinking “what is this?” as the opening notes of Zoo Station played. Again, like everyone when it was actually released, (the same year my mom graduated high school interesting fact) I had been listening to Joshua Tree and had gotten used to that sound. So when I was first listening to it, I was worried that my new love affair with this band would be short lived (which was pretty dumb because they have a lot of albums but I wasn’t thinking of that at the time) but as it went on I liked One, So Cruel, and of course Mysterious Ways. 

So I ended up buying more of their albums, like All That You Can’t Leave Behind. I was excited to hear that one because I remember reading about it in that book as “their newest album” because of when it takes place. (The book is actually pretty new btw, 2016, it just takes place in the past). And geez, I never realized until now just how much that book has influenced me, and it’s not even about U2, the main character just likes them a lot lmao. The main plot is completely unrelated.  And funny story, but when Beautiful Day came on, I was like 🤯🤯🤯, basically my mind was blown because I remember hearing that song as a kid but I didn’t know it was by them lmao. Same thing with Desire. I remember my dad liked to listen to that in the car and sing along so when I was listening to Rattle and Hum and that came on I was like ????? how many more songs???? 

And in December-January, my step dad got a job promotion but it required him to move to South Carolina so in February they did and I flew up to visit them on Spring Break in early March and then the world ended :D :D :D 

So yeah, that’s my story of how I ended up here. I’ve basically been holed up in my room for an entire year obsessing over guys that are way too old for me. Eh, oh well, what can I say? It’s not my fault that one guy I first heard of when I was 12 was (and is) so good looking.  So yes, I’m a real big noob, only been here a year and I haven’t even seen them live because I couldn’t get my act together five years ago (or anytime between then and now) despite the universe’s best efforts to get me to. *sigh* sorry I’m so dense, universe. But I guess better late than never, better now than later, right? 

Anyway, there’s more I want to say but this is already a freaking novel (sorry but I warned you!) Maybe I’ll write everything else in a separate post sometime, but for now, I hope you enjoyed reading this. And to quote Bono on that “A-Z of 2014″ post he made, if you somehow made it to the end of this, you must be on painkillers. 

[dippedanddripped]

Debbie Harry doesn’t believe in harbouring regrets. “I have made many, many errors, but nobody leads a perfect life,” she reflects down the telephone from New York. “So, should I regret anything? No. It is a waste of time. It really is a waste of time.”

Dial back to the turn of the 70s and the life that Harry led before fronting Blondie – prior to her image being burned onto the retina of popular culture – was colourful to say the least. “I was so desperate to live life,” she says of her time spent hanging with the outcasts and artists of downtown New York. “I was jamming in as much experience as I possibly could and I don’t know if I could have done anything differently. I learned a lot.”

The old Bowery music venue CBGBs has long passed into music folklore as the place that called the likes of Television, Patti Smith, and the Ramones their house bands. It was also where punk and new wave progenitors Blondie cut their teeth before they sashayed into the wider world with the protean panache that would make them a household name. Classic singles such as “Heart of Glass”, “Call Me”, “Atomic”, and “Rapture” have been responsible for more worldwide rug-cutting than an industrial carpet tool. To imply that they were merely a solid singles band is to do them a cardinal disservice, however.

And although they’ve always cocked their attention to the things ahead of them, Harry and her Blondie cohorts have spent a lot of time looking back just lately. Harry’s long-awaited autobiography, Face It, hit the shelves last year, and Blondie co-founder and one-time partner Chris Stein published Point of View: Me, New York City, and the Punk Scene, a photography book featuring personal snaps taken during the band’s pomp in the 70s and early 80s. “We can’t keep on touring and doing club dates the way that we used to. It would be physically impossible,” Harry concedes. “Living through this pandemic has certainly made us take a long look at the value of what we’ve got with our body of work.” Asked if it is a process of attempting to frame their legacy, she admits it’s something that they “have to do”.

This deep-dive into their canon has culminated in a mouth-watering archive set, Blondie: Against the Odds 1974-1982, slated for release next year. Coming in four formats, it promises to include extensive liner notes, “track by track” commentary by the entire band, a photographic history plus rare and unreleased bonus material. The group will also go out on the road – coronavirus permitting – for an autumn Against the Odds UK tour with Garbage.

The artist born Angela Trimble was put up for adoption only a few months after she was ushered into the world in the summer of 1945. A loving New Jersey couple took her in, rechristened her Deborah Harry, and raised her as their own. She grew up in a suburb that she “never left”,  was voted best-looking girl in her high school yearbook, and oscillated within a social circle that consisted of “many of the same people” throughout her childhood. “I was somehow shy within that,” she recalls, “(but) somebody once said to me that being shy was an ego trip and a light went on in my head. I thought, ‘Oh, uh-huh, let’s have none of that!’”

Harry travelled by bus as a curious teen to nearby Greenwich Village, imbibing the febrile inner-city atmosphere. In 1965, she graduated from junior college with an associate of arts degree and New York’s allure became too enticing to resist. She decamped to the bright lights of the city and made ends meet with a succession of odd jobs, including secretarial work for the BBC, waiting tables and an infamous nine-month stint as a Playboy Bunny.

The period was a traumatic one, too, with Harry enduring an ex-lover-turned-violent-stalker and a near-miss with serial killer Ted Bundy (although Bundy’s identity is contested by others). In her memoir, she writes candidly of the time she was raped by a man wielding a knife while on her way home from a concert with Stein. Music offered a vessel for her creativity, and she spent time as part of girl group The Stilettoes and folk ensemble Wind in the Willows before her meeting with guitarist Stein which set the foundations for Blondie. Their classic lineup was completed by Gary Valentine (bass), Jimmy Destri (keys), and Clem Burke (drums).

“Somebody once said to me that being shy was an ego trip and a light went on in my head. I thought, ‘Oh, uh-huh, let’s have none of that’” – Debbie Harry

Although they self-identified as punks, the parochial and nihilistic mandate as promulgated by the genre’s militant diehards never fit Blondie comfortably. The group looked outwards from the moment they started, drawing inspiration from their cosmopolitan city. Their sound was a melting pot pulling at the seams of culture’s fabric, and they would weave their own patterns from it.

Harry agrees that their eclecticism was down to good fortune in coming from the “metropolitan area of New York” where they ingested “a lot of musical influences”. Taken as a whole, their catalogue bears this out. Blondie never stood still musically – yet never sounded like anyone else – and they loaded their songs with more hooks than a fisherman’s trawler. 1976’s punchy, eponymous debut married surf-rock textures with 50s girl-group sensibilities, and their palette had expanded exponentially by the time of seminal third album, Parallel Lines (1978). Eat to the Beat and Autoamerican followed, by which point they could boast flirtations with disco, rocksteady, funk, hip hop, and more within their enviable output.

When asked to pick one track that encapsulates the essence of Blondie, Harry opts for their 1981 US number one single “Rapture”. “What happens in ‘Rapture’ is very comprehensive,” she says. “It took a form of music that was, or still is, very modern and can be very political. Rap and hip-hop songs back then didn’t have their own songs. Rappers would just rap on somebody else’s music. (‘Rapture’) was crafted specifically for that rap. Until then that hadn’t been done. It was a breath of fresh air.” It stands as one of the things in her career that she feels “very good about”.

Blessed with the sort of features that could sell sand to the Saharans, Harry’s appearance caused a stir from the band’s earliest days. “That’s part of showbiz,” she says to me, trying to downplay it. “We always had an eye for that, the entire band. We always had an idea of making a look that represented our sensibilities and links to British pop and mod.” Maybe so, but it was Harry alone who was immortalised by Andy Warhol in one of his iconic silkscreen prints, and who posed for era-defining photographers including Robert Mapplethorpe and Anne Leibowitz.

Did the disproportionate attention she attracted ruffle feathers within the Blondie camp at the time? “Yes and no,” Harry remembers. “We were all happy that it was working. I suppose there was a certain amount of competition or jealousy but ultimately, no. I think that’s a better question for Clem or one of the other members in the band. Of course my relationship with Chris was so close that he was very happy about everything.”

The band’s wheels eventually came off after their muddy and unfocused sixth album, The Hunter, dashed against the commercial rocks in 1982. They had to abandon their subsequent tour after Stein became gravely ill with a rare autoimmune disorder, pemphigus vulgaris, that proved extremely difficult to diagnose. Blondie had no option but to bow out of the public eye, and they broke up quietly.

15 years later, with Stein fully recovered, the group reconvened and released a critically acclaimed and commercially successful comeback album, No Exit. They even topped the UK charts with lead single “Maria”, but faced tussles with erstwhile members at the time too. Former bassist and co-writer on “One Way or Another”, Nigel Harrison, and guitarist Frank Infante attempted to sue the rest of the band over their omission from the reformed lineup. And when Blondie were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2006, Infante grabbed the microphone to express his ire publicly.

Fast-forward to 2020 and the settled iteration of the band are working on a new album with John Congleton, who produced 2017’s Pollinator. Does Harry have a formula when it comes to songwriting these days? No, as it happens. “When a phrase or a sentiment makes me respond emotionally or physically, I write it down and I save it,” she explains. “At a certain point, I’ll sort of review things. A lot of times I like to just work with a rhythm track. Just a drumbeat or some kind of drone-y rhythm, a groove. Other times people will give me a rough sketch of some chord changes – an idea that they’ve got. I seem to work in a lot of different ways.”

Thanks to her effortless chic and timeless looks, Harry’s relationship with the fashion industry has been a mutual love-in since forever, and she recently announced a revival of her partnership with ethical fashion designers Vin + Omi – the duo responsible for her profane ‘STOP FUCKING THE PLANET’ cape worn at the Q Awards in 2016 and throughout Blondie’s Pollinator tour. They have teamed up for a new sustainable clothing line entitled HOPE, and her enthusiasm for the project is palpable. “I love Vin + Omi,” she says. “They are so creative and adventurous. They have this desire to prevail and do things that are smart and modern in terms of recycling and making energy count. I think that is brilliant.”

As a fledgling bee-keeper, the plight of the bees is also something close to Harry’s heart. It was one of the reasons why 2017’s Pollinator was, well, named exactly that. “You’re either being stung by a bee or you’re going to eat its honey,” she chuckles softly, marvelling at the absurdity of the contrast. “But bees and water are two issues we cannot escape from. We should be concerned with finding better ways of living, using our resources in the best way possible.”

Help is coming, she hopes, through the election of Joe Biden, who is “firmly attached” to the idea of helping the environmental cause – and she believes his ideas can help the economy, too. “I’ve been saying for quite a long time that solar and wind power are renewable (energies) that can create jobs,” she says. It’s a far cry from her feelings towards outgoing President Trump and his “daily infusion of bullshit” and “thunderstorm of endless diatribes”.

“One of the most exciting things about rock’n’roll was that it was about breaking the rules, and (‘WAP”) is certainly a part of that. It’s titillating and aggressive and it is part of what is exciting about popular music. The nature of what we try to do is to shock and entertain at the same time” – Debbie Harry

What strikes you when you speak to Harry for an extended period is not only her warmth, but her unexpected humility for someone so staggeringly famous. I reference a Bob Dylan BBC interview from the 80s in which he observed with sadness how his fame had the ability to change a room’s energy and how he missed seeing people act naturally around him. She paws the comparison away, saying she’s nowhere near famous “to the degree of Bob Dylan”, whom she calls “such a megastar”. This could sound like false modesty coming second-hand, but in person it feels like a sincere statement, even if it is a little bewildering coming from an international icon. She will concede, however, that she has “definitely noticed and felt something like that” and has often wished she could simply be “a fly on the wall”.

There is also an inquisitiveness that makes the conversation a more two-way affair than your quote-unquote typical ‘interview’. She fires questions back at you, not as a deflection tactic, but to expand and explore a topic further. This happens when conversation turns to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s ubiquitous “WAP”. A recent interview had her fangirling over the track, but Harry’s feelings no longer appear to be as clear-cut and she wishes to discuss the song further. “I love it and hate it at the same time,” she now shares. “One of the most exciting things about rock’n’roll was that it was about breaking the rules, and (‘WAP’) is certainly a part of that. It’s titillating and aggressive and it is part of what is exciting about popular music. The nature of what we try to do is to shock and entertain at the same time.” She pauses. “I don’t know. Everything is revealed and maybe sexual explicitness has come of age.”

Pushed about what she dislikes about “WAP”, she says she would “hate it” if any young girl or woman was hurt by the song’s message. “I think that, in a way, men have to know that women think like this, and that there is this component,” she says, “but I would hate it to mean that everyone should be treated like this. I don’t think anybody should be hurt by sex”.

Harry has long championed the LGBTQ+ communities. When she refers to her dearly departed friend and Hairspray co-star Divine as a ‘drag queen’ in Face It, she acknowledges the term in some instances is no longer accurate or politically correct. I suggest that it can often seem as though the evolution of our language is speeding up in the digital age – by necessity, of course – and ask her if online culture fills her with concern when it comes to using the right terms. “Yeah, (because) in many cases it can be a slip of the tongue, especially for an old dog like me! Things do move so very, very quickly. It is hard to keep up,” she observes. “Fortunately, I have a lot of godchildren!”

Speaking of younger generations, Harry likes to think she’d have coped with social media if she were coming up today, but is thankful that she had her “dark cocoon” in which to “bloom out of”, a place where she was able to “ripen”. “When you’re under the harsh glare of constantly being analysed, that shapes you whether you want it to or not,” she says. “It’s a germ or a seed that’s planted in your mind. It can take surprising turns and it can affect your growth. For good or for worse, who knows?”

“When you’re under the harsh glare of constantly being analysed, that shapes you whether you want it to or not. It’s a germ or a seed that’s planted in your mind. It can take surprising turns and it can affect your growth” – Debbie Harry

One thing that remains is her fierce level of self-criticism. “I always want to do better,” she declares matter-of-factly. “I’ve always been very critical of everything. I hear things or look at them and say, ‘Oh God, it should have been that (instead).” Maybe this hypercritical inclination is what still drives her forward. “I honestly don’t like resting on my laurels. I like working and I like creating. I always beat myself up about not being more creative or more prolific.”

When looking at the bounty of projects she has lined up, no one in their right mind could put Debbie Harry and laurel-resting in the same sentence. Aside from the new album, archival set and fashion project, the paperback edition of her autobiography will be released with a brand-new epilogue in April of next year. (Just don’t ask her what’s in it – “I don’t remember what I wrote. I’ll have to look it up!” she says with a laugh.)

The signs are that the musician is done looking into the rear-view mirror, though. Time may be passing, the tide may be higher, but Debbie Harry is doing more than merely holding on. Her eyes are locked to the future and she’s positively thriving.

Blondie: Against the Odds 1974-1982 will be released next year; Face It is out now via Harper Collins

[sleephyjhs]

You Come Out as Bisexual (Reaction)

[ requested / masterlist ]

a/n :: i’ve watched many coming out videos and have asked people who have come out themselves about their experience, but as this is something i’ve never done, i apologise if it seems unrealistic or reaching at some points.

KSJ

You’d spent the whole week figuring out how you were going to tell Seokjin, your best friend of many years, that you were bisexual. For the first time after months of different partners and experiences, you finally felt comfortable in the identity you had decided for yourself. Now that your parents were out of the way, the next person was Seokjin.

All in all, Jin was a very open and accepting person. No matter what you had to tell him before, he always seemed to take it better than you expected. Despite your certainty he would be just fine with your determined sexuality, a small fragment of you couldn’t help but worry.

You chose the car as the place to break it to him. Although there were thousands of better locations to come out, you worked out that a moving car lowered tb e possibility of him being able to walk out on you.

After a selection of karaoke songs and still a decent half hour to your destination, you turned down the volume to get his attention, “There’s something I want to tell you, Jin,” he raised his eyebrows without saying a thing to let you know he was all ears, “I’m bisexual.”

There was a brief pause between your words and his response; a pause that felt like forever, “Okay.”

“That’s it? Okay?”

“Well, your sexuality doesn’t negatively impact me or anybody else so there’s nothing for me to be mad about. But hopefully, you’re happier knowing more about yourself and your identity than you perhaps did before. And so I’m happy for you.” Seokjin flashed you a smile. Your eyes couldn’t help but become watery at his interesting but accepting reply to your news. Thanking him would never do your relief justice.

MYG

You knew well that Yoongi’s schedule was packed to the brim. He’d hardly come home in the past week. Sleeping at the studio every other night had become his routine.

Tonight, however, he’d assured you that he would be there to spend what little time he had with you. What he didn’t know is that you were preparing to tell him a secret you’d kept to yourself for a while now.

After three years of dating, you should have known you could have told Yoongi anything. But for some reason, announcing your sexuality to him felt a thousand times more difficult. You’d never seen him properly angry and your biggest fear was that tonight would be the first time.

You gave Yoongi a little while to settle down after coming home. Eating together wasn’t something you were able to do often, so you took your time to enjoy it while it lasted, “Can I talk to you about something?”

He nodded aimlessly, still chewing the last few strips of beef, “I’ve been thinking about this for some time, I just hope it doesn’t change anything between us,” You started, which caught his definite attention. Yoongi held your stare as you spluttered, “Yoongi, I’m bisexual.”

You watched with sullen eyes as his face fell to the table. Was he just processing your words, or was he reconsidering your entire relationship? It wasn’t unusual for Yoongi to fall silent at times, but sudden anxiety couldn’t help but fill your mind, “So I’ve got twice the competition now?”

Yoongi raised his eyes again to reveal a gummy smile, “This changes nothing, Jagi. I’m glad you felt able to tell me though.” He reached out for your shaky hand, brushing his thumb over your knuckles, “I’m happy you can trust me.”

JHS

Throughout your vacation with Hoseok, you couldn’t help but wonder when the best time to break your news to him was. Actually, you wondered if there was a best time. You had no doubt he would be accepting regardless, but a small part of you couldn’t help but worry.

On the morning of your last day at the villa, you made your way down to the kitchen where Hoseok had already prepared you a breakfast for the day ahead of you, “Good morning lovely, did you sleep well?” His beaming greeting couldn’t lower your anxiety that you awoke with. You simply nodded at his question and slid onto a barstool, “Are you alright?”

“Actually,” you began, fiddling with your nails, “there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Hoseok widened his eyes and slipped onto the seat opposite you, placing the last bowl of fruit in between you.

“I’m all ears, what’s wrong?”

You took a final deep breath, “Hoseok, I think I’m bisexual. I’ve been wondering whether to tell you or not because I’ve been scared of your reaction but-“ Despite your deep breath, you couldn’t stop pent up tears from rolling down your cheeks.

“No, jagi,” Hobi cooed, rushing around the island to comfort you, “you didn’t have to be scared, everything’s alright! How long have you kept it from me?”

He wiped away your tears with his sleeve, “A few months. I just didn’t want you to think I wanted to break up or anything-“

“I don’t think that at all. I’m happy that you’re able to understand yourself better now.” He placed a kiss on your forehead, and handed you the spoon he laid on the counter for you, “Come in, let’s eat something. There’s a long day ahead honey.”

KNJ

Namjoon had always been the person you relied on for your advice. Even the worst situations you had found yourself in could seemingly be answered by him. You texted him to alert him you had a new dilemma, and within minutes he’d invited you to your local coffee shop.

In half an hour, you made your way to the meeting place, only to find Namjoon sat at a table at the back with his order and yours before him. Since you could see a few pale sugar sachets on the table, you made your way over to him, not forgetting to brace yourself to receive his advice.

After a couple minutes of smiley greetings, Namjoon asked you to elaborate on what was playing on your mind, “How would you go about telling your parents something important without being cheesy?”

He stared at you blankly for a few seconds and proceeded to drop his chin slightly, “Oh my, you’re pregnant.”

“What? No, God no. I’ve been meaning to come out as bisexual for a while now-“ you paused mid-sentence, realising swiftly that you hadn’t meant to blurt the last part to him.

Avoiding his eye contact was difficult, so you instead faced your twiddling thumbs which laid softly in your lap, “You didn’t mean to tell me that just now, did you?” All hopes you had that Namjoon hadn’t heard you melted. Now all you had to do was face his criticism.

You shook your head in response to his inference, “I forgot that you didn’t already know. I’m sorry if it’s upset you.”

“Why would it upset me? It’s your love life, not mine. I’m glad you’ve been able to come to terms with it.” A smile spread from dimple to dimple as he took another sip of his americano, “All it means is you’re now officially getting more action than me.”

Regardless of how much of a good friend he was to you, a playful punch to the shoulder couldn’t be helped.

PJM

Ever since you were little, you had considered your twin brother, Jimin, to be your best friend. Eventually, the two of you came to share everything that happened in your person life. This time, however, it took you more time than usual.

Jimin was the last person in your life that you hadn’t opened up to about your sexuality. Many years had been spent coming to terms with a part of you that had caused too many sleepless nights, and now that you’d found your solution, you wanted to share it with him.

The last concert of their Seoul series had come to an end, and the day before, Jimin had provided you with backstage passes to hang out afterwards. To beat the rush of adrenaline-filled fans, you headed out during their ending ments to be able to greet them as they came back.

“You made it!” Your attention was drawn away from your phone by the excited greeting deliver red by your brother. He jogged over to you with the little energy he had left and embraced you tightly, “I missed you!”

“I missed you too,” you laughed into his ear, before going to congratulate the rest of the members for completing their tour successfully. You tried to distract yourself from what you were really there to do, but it didn’t work, “Is there a place I can talk to you? Alone?”

Jimin guided you into a smaller vanity room and closed the door behind you, “What’s up? Did something happen?”

You shook your head, “No. There’s something I’ve told a lot of other people but I haven’t been able to tell you. I wanted to do it in person-“

Jimin raised his eyebrows as his eyes hollowed in concern for his sibling, “I’m bisexual.” In light of your news, Jimin leaned back and sighed in relief.

“You had me so worried for a second! Ahh I’m so happy for you!” Being the cuddly brother he was, Jimin couldnt resist bouncing from the sofa and embracing you, not forgetting to comfort you meanwhile.

KTH

When you both had enough troubles, you and your boyfriend, Taehyung, would retreat to the bedroom to share with one another and come to your own solutions. His intentive listening and soft spoken easily made you feel at easy, and so you picked this time to tell him your newest trouble.

Sexuality had always been a concern of yours, as you were never able to settle on what fitted you best. Coming to terms with your bisexuality felt like the biggest weight lifted from your shoulders, now all you had to do was open up to those closest to you.

Without your initiation, Taehyung called a ‘duvet meeting’ as you had nicknamed them. You listened closely to his concerns about his upcoming comeback and tried your best to console him as much as you could. The two of you had very different life experiences, but somehow still understood each other perfectly, “Can I tell you something too?”

“Of course you can, what’s up?” Taehyung replied, refusing to pull his eyes away from yours.

You breathed in, praying that he wouldn’t become angry at your news, “I think I’m bisexual. Actually, I know I am.”

His dimples fell from his rosy cheeks as he processed what you had said. You have him the time to think of how to respond, “What does this mean for us? Are you trying to tell me something else too..?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, Tae. It’s just a part of me that I wanted to share with you. I just need support, that’s all.” You explained, taking his hand from under the pillow and winding your fingers around his, “I don’t want anything to change.”

“Then it won’t,” He smiled, pulling the covers from your waists up to your shoulders, “You’ve got all my support, lovely.”

JJK

Growing up with Jungkook meant you followed each other everywhere and knew things about the other that nobody else did. When he came to Seoul yo train as an idol, you followed quickly to continue your studies.

When possible, it was difficult to find you separated. Whether you sat in on a dance practice or joined him in the gym, it felt strange when you weren’t together.

Jungkook has always been open-minded, which was one of the many traits you shared. You had to hope that opening up about your sexuality wouldn’t suddenly close his mind.

As soon as your work shift had ended, you headed through to the company, where you soon found Jungkook preparing a cup of ramen in the lounge. Of course he was, when wasn’t he hungry? As he witnessed you enter, he pulled another one down from the cupboard and made it to your liking. As he was the better chef between you, you left it to him.

Jungkook placed it down before you, but didn’t hesitate to start eating before he’d sat down, “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”

You inhaled, praying that this wouldn’t be the end of your longest childhood friendship, “I’ve been thinking a lot recently and.. I think I’m bisexual. Actually, I know I am. I know it’s not really anybody’s business but, it’s still important to me.”

Jungkook let his disposable chopsticks sink to the bottom of the cup as he processed your newest secret, “So, I still have a chance with you?”

You widened your eyes as you stared at his serious expression. Had he really just confessed to you? Jungkook was one of the best pranksters you knew; it was difficult to tell between his genuine and fake seriousness, “I’m kidding!” He giggled, clapping mockingly as he finished another bite of ramen, “No but really, I’m glad you look happier now; miserable doesn’t suit you well. Just eat your ramen before I eat it.”

^ i am genuinely so sorry this took so long! school hit me harder than i thought it would. also thank you for clarifying in a different ask about not having to be romantic, i appreciate it! 💗

[jaehyunspeachparty]

The tour - [part 2] Jaehyun POV (m)

Not many days had passed, but Jaehyun somehow enjoyed the presence of Y/N. The conversations were always exciting and she showed a lot of intelligence. She wasn’t that standard girl and she didn’t try flirting. Once after the bar, he felt there was maybe more. But since then the tension was gone. And somehow Jaehyun found it a pity because he enjoyed your attention. And somehow you were always in his head. When he was with Mark at the Guggenheim, he always thought about which picture you might like. As he walked down the streets of New York he wondered in which cafes and stores you were and which one you liked most. He wanted to learn so much from you, know what you liked, who you were. And he never really thought that he had a romantic interest. He had never experienced something like that before. He thought he found you interesting as a friend. But not more, because somehow he couldn’t classify his feelings.

But the days in New York were pretty stressful and you had less and less time to talk to each other. But he always tries to start at least a little conversation. He met you again in the corridor in the evening before leaving for the next town. "Hey Y/N." He called over to you because you didn’t see him first. You smile as Jaehyun came up to you and stopped in front of you. "Hi, we barely see each other lately." You look up at him and grin. Jaehyun nodded and looked for something in his pocket. "That's right, but wait ..." He pulled out something white and smiled when he found it. It all makes him a little nervous and he didn’t know why his knees were soft. But he handed you his gift. "Here for you, it's a card from the Guggenheim. It's a picture that I really liked." You take the card and look at it carefully. At this time, Jaehyun became nervous and didn’t know what to think. But then you smile and press the picture on your chest. "Thank you, that's really nice of you. I really like the picture." He was relieved, but at the same time, his pulse was rising. You open your door and turn once more to Jaehyun. "Good night, sleep well." Your voice was gentle and Jaehyun got a little nervous again. "You too. Good night." He grinned and grabbed uncertain over his shoulder. You went into the room and Jaehyun also. When he was inside, he put his head against the wall. He didn’t understand what was going on in him. Why was he so nervous? He didn’t understand all that. Jaehyun didn’t have many friends and these friendships were relatively easy or forced through the band members. But he wasn’t really friends with women. Friendships with women never worked for him. Either the girls fell in love with him or it ended in sex. And yes, he already liked girls, but there was never a problem to approach them. But what was that with Y/N? What were you for him? He just didn’t know it. Taeil wasn’t in the room yet and Jaehyun went to his bed. He pressed his face into his pillow and screamed into it. Then he turned on his back and stared at the ceiling. But before Jaehyun could rest, his phone rang. When he saw the name on the display, he already gets annoyed. "Hi Suji." He greeted her and sat up. "Hey, you're not even calling or texting me any more." He could hear how angry she was. "Sorry, we're really busy." Jaehyun tried to talk himself out, but somehow he was only half-mentally present at the call. "Fuck Jaehyun, you can at least write to me. Is it too much to ask that I want my boyfriend to call me 2-3 times a day? Eun gets messages from her boyfriend every hour, he brings roses to her and yesterday he gave her a bag from Dior. " She snorted with rage and Jaehyun simply couldn’t understand. It's just two words "it's over," but it was so hard to pronounce. "Eun isn’t in a relationship with an idol. Suji, our relationship comes only from sex." He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Jaehyun, what do you mean by that?" He didn’t feel like arguing, he just wanted to go to bed and sleep. "Suji, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. Good night." Without waiting for their reaction, he hangs up. He sees her trying to call him again. But he ignored it.

After three concerts were held, a routine began and everyone could now enjoy the time slowly because all the tension fell off. And meanwhile, you and Jaehyun have spent a lot of time together. He was looking forward to every free evening he could be with you, even though he still didn’t know what he really felt for you. You meet him in a very friendly way, but he never felt there was more of you. You invited him to watch TV and drink wine and eat cheese. But somehow Jaehyun became nervous again. More nervous than usual. The thought of being alone in bed the whole evening with you made him swallow.

Actually, you wanted to watch a nice movie, but somehow you talked all the time. By now you had already emptied a bottle and instead of a movie music was playing. “Aren’t you tired of all the concerts? " You press him in the cheek and giggle. "Mhmm you like my dimples, right?" Somehow he was flattered and he felt how warm he got. "Yes, they are as cute as your kitten whiskers." You stroke his cheek and as he smiled, those folds of skin appear, which you talked about. Jaehyun laughed and grabbed his so-called "whiskers". "And what about me?" You take a big sip of the wine and lean back. "What do you mean?" Jaehyun smiled uncertainly and he stuttered a bit. "Well." You shrug. "Do I have something you like about me?" Jaehyun had to swallow, he was briefly out of action. But after a short thought, he starts. “Your eyes. They are so unique and you look at people in a different way. In my industry, many are judged by their looks. The more beautiful, the more successful you are. But you look at people in a different way, for some, it is terrifying, for some refusing. But intriguing for me." It was a short silence between you. And Jaehyun looked deep into your eyes. You take another big sip of the wine, but you spill something over your white shirt. "Oh shit, I'll change that fast." You put the wine glass aside and stand up. As fast as possible you go around the corner and put on something else. However, you didn’t consider the mirror where Jaehyun's is seeing your reflection. He actually wanted to look away, but he was mesmerized. Your bare chest, clad only by a bra, fascinated him and he quickly drank the glass of wine, because otherwise, he couldn’t face you. "All right again." You sit down on the bed and grin. But Jaehyun felt uncomfortable. He had to get away from you quickly. everything was hot in him and he was ever more confused. "I think I should go to my room anyway. I should go to sleep now because it’s pretty late.” It wasn’t untrue what he said, because tomorrow was the next rehearsal. But in reality, he left because he felt something growing. "Oh okay, but I enjoyed this evening." You sat down on the bed and look at him with wide eyes. And suddenly he had the desire to kiss you, to feel you. That made it even clearer that he had to get out of here. "Sleep well." He smiled and grabbed his things. But you got up and hugged him. It was the only thing he needed, but also what he didn’t need at the moment. Because his blood wasn’t just flowing through his brain. "You also." You smile and let him go. Jaehyun knew he was super awkward as he left, but it didn’t help. He felt way too good with you and slowly he knew what his feelings were.

When he was in his room, he was glad that Taeil wasn’t there yet. He would probably hang out with Haechan again and he was really happy about it. He went to his bed and took a deep breath. However, he simply didn’t get you out of his head. He felt the tension in his middle and he didn’t know how to react to it. First, he wanted to distract himself and took his phone. He scrolled with his anonymous account first through Twitter, then through Instagram, and somehow he came up with the idea of looking for your profile. When he found it, he was disappointed that there weren’t too many pictures. Actually, there were only two photos of you. On one, you were barely visible and on the other Jaehyun's mouth remained open. The photo was probably created while nightclubbing because you wear a black tight and short dress that also highlights your breasts. He stared at it for a while and automatically grabbed his crotch. But as he slowly came to himself again, he realized how his middle was quite swollen. He grabbed his pants and held his cock tight. He didn’t really want that, but as he continued to look at the photo, he massaged that particular spot under his glans. "Shit. No!" He threw his phone aside and pulled his hand out of his pants again. No, he just couldn’t do that. He couldn’t jerk off to your picture. But when he looked down and saw the bulge that just didn’t want to go away, he thought it was better to fix the problem quickly. He quickly took a cream as a lubricant and his laptop and sat back on his bed. While he was looking for good porn, he pulled his dick out and creamed him. When he massaged his length, he felt how hard he was already, how red and swollen he pulsed. He had to get rid of this pressure very quickly. When he found a video, he put the laptop aside and began to massage his shaft up and down. But he couldn’t concentrate on the video for a long time. When he saw the woman in porn how she blows the man, he wondered how your lips would feel. As the man fucks the woman, he wondered how your pussy would feel. He wondered how tight you would be, how you feel about his cock and how your moan would sound. When he had these thoughts he didn’t realize how his grip became firmer and faster. And suddenly the video was only secondary. He closed his eyes and leaned back, imagining that it was your hand massaging his cock. And as he lost himself in that thought, he grunted suddenly and his orgasm splashed on the underside of his shirt. "Shit." He cursed as he looked at his cum. His shirt wasn’t clean anymore and he quickly pulled it off and washed it in the bathroom sink. He hung it up in the shower and hoped everything had been washed out. To come back to reality, he splashed cold water on his face and looked in the mirror. Who was he? What was this now? He never behaves like that. He had never fantasized about a woman he knew personally. He was uncomfortable, but at the same time, he felt good. He lay desperate down in his bed and grabbed his forehead. 

Fuck! Was he in love?

About us masterlist

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[kpop-zone]

Red Velvet reaction to their s/o getting wasted

Warning: consumption of alcohol

A/N: I swear I’m not Irene biased, her text just ended up longer because the first paragraphs were meant to be an introduction for all members, but then I chose different scenarios for each of them in the end 🙈

Irene

Because you were dating an idol, spending a night out, was normally not one of the privileges you had. But Red Velvet were just starting their Europe tour and despite of having a growing fanbase there, not a lot of people would recognize them when bumping into them on the street. Therefore, you saw this as a chance. A chance to behave like a normal group of friends on a normal Friday night.

You can’t exactly explain how it happened. Maybe a year ago, you could chug a few beers and still be totally fine. But you had to admit, dating Irene also led to a change of your lifestyle. It wasn’t like Irene forbid you to drink alcohol, but because she was an idol, she couldn’t drink a lot of alcohol herself, especially during tours and as her partner who spend a lot of evenings with her, you didn’t drink as much alcohol as well.

To your dismay, however, you must have forgotten that consuming less alcohol also led to a lower alcohol tolerance. As excited as you were about finally visiting a bar with Seulgi, Seungwan, Sooyoung, Yerim and your lovely girlfriend, you might have drunken a few too many drinks in too short a time. Irene didn’t even notice until it was already too late.

Slowly but surely you began slurring your words and you became way to excited about that karaoke machine. While the others found your behavior quite amusing, Irene eyed you with a concerned look from the side. Although she didn’t mind a little fun and was way more loose than the media always drew her out to be, she was still the leader of Red Velvet and she didn’t want a scandal to overshadow their Europe tour. She didn’t want you to embarrass yourself in public or draw too much attention to her members and her.

Therefore, she decided to take the role as the rational one another time in order to protect the ones she loved. In your drunken state, you didn’t even realize Irene’s restraint or how she tried to keep you in check the rest of the night by repeatedly giving you water and keeping her arm around you to stop you from running away. You were too busy laughing with the other girls to realize Irene’s sad eyes. She was quite disappointed that she couldn’t enjoy the evening like everyone else and would make sure to talk with you in the morning.

Wendy

It wasn’t like you planned to get your girlfriend and yourself drunk, but you were just so happy to finally be able to go on a real date with Seungwan. Since the beginning of your relationship, you mostly met in one of your apartments or when you took the risk of going outside, it was never without her members and what seemed like a million managers. But after months of convincing and the promise to keep low key, her company allowed Seungwan to take you out on a real date for your first anniversary.

Both of you were incredibly giddy on the car right to the little restaurant in a quieter area of Seoul, feeling like teenagers sneaking away from their parents. You wanted to make this evening perfect, not knowing when the next time would be you could enjoy a date alone in the real world. Arriving at the restaurant, you were immediately greeted with some Soju. The waiter left you with the bottle and while you were chatting away over the different courses, you didn’t even realize how the room had been getting hotter and the both of you louder, laughing over banalities and getting flirtier with every minute.

But quite frankly none of you cared. There were no other guests in the restaurant and both of you were young. Seungwan just wanted to enjoy the night. Of course she made sure that the both of you could think more or less straight, but otherwise she saw no reason for not getting a little tipsy and making the most of the night, so she didn’t mind you pouring both of you another drink.

Seulgi

Seulgi was quite frankly a little overwhelmed by the situation. She was no stranger to drinking some beers in the evening to relax, but never had she actually been completely wasted. You told her that you would have a couple of drinks with your colleagues after work, but never would she have expected to find you in front of her door, not even being able to stand properly. It was a wonder that you even made it this far.

Quickly she helped you inside, before anyone else could see you this way. She had to use all her strength to somehow get you to the couch. For a second, she debated whether she could wake Irene to help her, but when you loudly started to sing Eyes, nose, lips, she knew that Irene wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore anyways. She made her way to Irene’s room and quickly told her the situation after she woke her up. Lucky for her, Irene was able to keep her cool and told Seulgi what to do.

Together they changed your clothes into some more comfortable ones, made you drink water and also brought a bucket in the very likely case that you had to throw up. Seulgi was afraid that you could wake the other members too, but her fear quickly proofed to be unnecessary as your eyes became heavier with every second. Confident to be able to handle you alone now, Seulgi thanked her unnie and let her go back to bed again. She wanted to make sure that you were actually sleeping and didn’t have to throw up, so she decided to sit on the edge of the couch a little while longer.

She stroked your hair lovingly and listened to your incoherent babbling about how much you loved her until your breathing became slow and steady. With a last kiss goodnight, she returned to her own bed, trying to get a few more hours of sleep, before she had to get up quite early in the morning to make sure that the maknaes didn’t have the chance to tease you, although she was sure that she couldn’t leave the events of this night all uncommented as well.

Sooyoung

Joy knew it was pure torture for you to watch her move her body in those ways on stage during their concerts. So as a birthday surprise, she decided to go to a club with you. Your birthday happened to be while they were in the US for a special stage during an event, which she saw as the perfect opportunity to try the lifestyle of two careless college girls in love, even if it was only for one night.

On your birthday she surprised you with a beautiful outfit. It wasn’t until after you tried it on, that she told you her plans for the night, which left you equally excited as you were concerned about your girlfriend getting in serious trouble with her company. Sooyoung assured you, however, that the other girls would cover up for her and after you saw her in her outfit that expertly showed her perfect body, all your worries where out the window, because, quite frankly, you lost all ability to think in the first place.

In the club the music was deafening loud, making the effects of the alcohol you drank seem to be even stronger. Having Sooyoung by your side, you had no trouble getting free drinks for the both of you, but because Sooyoung decided that it would be better for her to stay sober in order to have at least one rational person, you drank for two persons that night.

Opposing to you, Sooyoung, however, definitely didn’t need alcohol to dance. She enjoyed seeing you more loose and also the way you weren’t able to hide the emotions in your eyes when looking at her. The whole club was watching your girlfriend sway her hips on the dance floor, but Sooyoung didn’t even notice, because all she could feel was your body against hers and all she could see was the smirk on your lips before she kissed you.

Yeri

Because you were dating the maknae of Red Velvet, the other members automatically treated you as someone that needed to be protected as well. And it was true. Although you had different personalities, Yeri and you were very similar in certain aspects, one being that you both liked to have fun.

Therefore, it was no wonder that you both decided to spice up the game night that you had at Red Velvet’s dorm by introducing alcohol to the table. Over the course of the night, you both invented a series of dumb rules that had to be followed by the both of you as a infraction led to having to drink a sip of the alcohol you were having. Eventually leading to rules like You have to drink every time you blink, the unnies finally decided to end your game before you would trash the whole apartment.

Nevertheless, it was enough for the both of you to be considerably drunk, which had the consequence that you behaved even more childish than you normally would. Yeri and you competed in savage comments, cheated whenever possible during the board games and finally gave your best version of Frozen’s Into the Unknown.

At the end of the night, you would fall asleep faster than ever, only waking up to regret hitting you in the morning. Not only did both of you have a headache, but also did the unnies use every chance that they had to tease their maknae. Yeri was incredibly embarrassed and hoped that soon someone else would have a mishap, so she could do the teasing again.

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Catalyst

“There’s an old saying that says every demon was once an angel.

So tell me, is it possible for a demon to become one again?”

guardian demon! Jimin x reader

word count: 14.6k

genre: slow-burn, angst, fluff, romance, comedy, slice of life

Related works: see masterlist under Guardian Demon! Jimin

A/N: Shoutout to @milady-mira for this moodboard! Thank you all for the kind messages throughout the month as I worked on this T-T Unknowingly I had sucked myself into doing another chonky chapter but enough on that, let’s roll!

It’s been a good three days since Jimin sprang those tickets on you and you’re still riding on cloud nine. You wake up every day still thinking it was all a dream which makes you check your phone almost religiously, pulling up the app to see that yes, the two GA tickets to BTS’ Love Yourself Tour were sitting in your inbox. It’s gotten you feeling so good that you didn’t mind going to work at all for once. Today is no different, you started your day by spending a good ten minutes in bed after waking up just staring at your phone, smiling so widely that your cheeks ache. After drinking in the sight of the tickets for the nth time, you sigh contently, placing your phone on your chest to stare aimlessly at the ceiling in reflection.

-

“You’re not coming?” You can’t help pouting, head leaning heavily against Jimin’s chest as he carries you bridal style back to yours and Jaehee’s house. After much crying, you’ve protested against apparating back home in fear that you might actually throw up. It was a tough argument to make but when you threaten Jimin that if he risks it and you end up puking your guts out even when you had warned him, he’ll be responsible for cleaning it. So that got you both to come to a consensus of apparating as far as to get off the building and walking the rest of the way.

“Of course not cherub, would it make sense for someone who looks like the mirror image of your idol to be at their show? It’ll cause a riot.”

“Oh right… Good point.” You mumble, all tuckered out and practically half asleep at this point. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing already.” Jimin reprimands, adjusting his hold on you as he continues to walk. The rest of the way was filled with silence, with you more or less trying to fight off falling asleep right in Jimin’s arms. It’s proven difficult though, in your post-drunk state you’re more susceptible to the soft sounds of his heartbeat lulling you to a drowse. On top of that, the gentle rocking you feel from his strides does nothing to help, only making you feel more and more like a baby being put to sleep. So it’s no wonder that you lose track of all sense of time because the next thing you know, you’re entering your home and then you’re in your bedroom, being placed down into the comforts of your bed.

It takes everything in you to peel your eyes back open for just a second and the sight that greets you makes a lazy smile tug at your lips.

“What’s with that smile?” Jimin asks. You hear the beginnings of a chuckle slip through his words so you know he doesn’t mean anything snarky by asking. You blink but it feels like you’re keeping your eyes closed for way longer than necessary each time you do to consider it blinking.

“Thank you…”

“You’ve said that about eleven times tonight too.”

“Yeah…but I’m really thankful…for you doing this…” You say, words slurring into a mumble as you begin to finally give into sleep. The chuckle finally comes out softly as he takes a seat on the space by your head.

“Again, don’t mention it darling.”

You feel fingers comb through your hair and you instantly melt at the touch, eyes slipping close and unconsciously leaning further into it, a content hum escaping past your lips. His ministration nearly makes you miss his next few words.

“You should call your friends, do something for your birthday this weekend. You can figure out who you can take to the concert then.”

You probably should’ve told Jimin that stroking your hair was a sure way to make you knock out in less than five seconds (drunk or not) because the last thing you remembered before falling into a dreamless slumber was mustering up another hum in response and the feeling of soft, dexterous fingers against your scalp.

-

You had woken up embarrassed as heck and with a pounding headache but overall, overwhelmed with giddiness and gratitude for the demon that you had wanted to repay him somehow.

And see, there’s your problem right off the bat; how do you repay a demon besides forfeiting your soul to them? You suppose you could….Jimin doesn’t technically own your soul — you and him were just connected via your soul contract. You snort to yourself, the idea making you realize you’d make the statement of ‘selling your soul to the devil for some BTS tickets’ come true (he’s not the devil per se, but semantics). Still, you’re not sure if you want to jump that gun just yet since it’s a pretty big fucking life changing decision to say the least. But then your mind wanders; if Jimin were to ask however, would you agree?

A small part of you whispers yes.

But then that other half of you is telling you; you’re fucking nuts (you could only guess it’s the human instincts of self-preservation).

You let out a loud sigh, conflicted. Seeing no use in just laying around thinking about it until your hair turns grey though, you decide to get up finally, even if you did have the day off to lounge around. As you go through your routine, you continue to brainstorm on what you can possibly do for Jimin but, to no surprise, you come up with very few, meagre half-ideas that don’t seem right. As you’re finishing and heading to the kitchen to fix yourself a light breakfast, you realized something —

You haven’t really seen JImin at all for the past three days.

Your hand pauses on scraping the cream cheese on your bagel, head tilting to yourself. Now that you think about it, this is probably the second longest time he’s been gone. You never had the need to question it (probably some demon-related business) but that just means it’ll be even harder to do something nice for him. Maybe you should shoot him a text…? You grab your phone and pull up your message thread with him, tapping the text box until you’re confronted with the blinking text cursor. How should you go about this….?

“Hey…. What are you up to?”

You backspace on that; it doesn’t sound or look right to you. You try for a different approach.

“Yoooo….. Where’d ya go? Lol”

Wow, you’ve never backspaced fast enough. You let out a long sigh, slumping shoulders and tilting your head this way and that out of frustration. Why are you thinking so hard on this for? It’s just a check-up text, like asking your….friend if they wanna hang out after a long time. Ugh! Whatever! You puff up like a cat, bracing yourself unnecessarily as you type rapidly the first thing that comes to mind.

“Hey, haven’t heard from you for three days so just wondering where’d you go?”

Then you hit send before you can second guess yourself, tossing your phone onto the counter as if it has the plague. You turn away, not wanting to get sucked into that black hole of waiting around for a text back. So you settle on munching away on your bagel and finishing your cup of tea. You shuffle around the kitchen, cleaning and putting away dishes, all the while trying your darnest to avoid peeping over your shoulder to stare longingly at your phone like some lovestruck teenager waiting for her crush to text back. But after putting away the dishes and cleaning the countertop, you still have yet to receive a reply back from the demon in question.

Another sigh escapes you before you can stop it. You gotta find something else to do so that it’ll take your mind off of it — maybe watch some Netflix? You grab your phone, moving over to the couch to turn on the TV. Scrolling through the Netflix account, you blindly pick a long-running sitcom you had decided to binge one day and then stopped because you completely forgot about it. As it plays, you find yourself only half paying attention to the episode as periodically, you swipe your phone to scroll through your Twitter (and a small part of you begrudgingly admits hoping you’d see Jimin’s reply). As expected, your timeline is filled with BTS related things, whether it be about the first North American concert happening in three days or just compilation videos of members doing XYZ.

You stop on a particular one of Jimin and as the clip plays, a smile immediately stretches across your lips. Watching Jimin acting silly and laughing with his whole body is not something you haven’t seen before, but it never fails to make you laugh every time. You would bet that no one could resist either, even if they might not know who Jimin is because who can help it when he has a smile that turns his cheeks round and soft like mochi while making his eyes crease to the point where he can’t see anymore. Besides that, he always had an aura about him that glows with such warmth that anyone could clearly see how kind, sincere, and hardworking he is. And when he’s on stage — the thought alone makes you shake your head in disbelief because it’s like he becomes a different person. He’s no longer just a talented boy next door, he’s someone who was born to perform with an overflowing amount of charisma and stage presence.

A true contradiction if you’ve ever seen one, Park Jimin has somehow managed to embody both youthful, innocent smiles and sultry, seductive gazes. You chuff a laugh to yourself —  the more you think about it, you suppose it’s a rather good fit that your guardian demon looks like Jimin, and not just because he’s someone you associate affection with. You pause in thought, realizing something. From the start, you always had a clear distinction between your guardian demon and BTS’ Jimin because in spite of being mirrors of each other, they’re completely different, like the difference between the evil and good twin. But as time went on, you discover that they…. are actually quite similar, more than you had initially thought.

It’s….strange.

You absentmindedly scroll through your timeline again, so caught up in your thoughts that you don’t notice you’ve landed on an audio edit —

Of Jimin body rolling and doing all other manners of EXTREMELY RUDE THINGS TO VERY SULTRY MUSIC.

Your phone nearly goes flying out of your hand at how fast you chuck it away, cheeks warm and eyes wide. On second thought, you think it’s better that they’re a little bit more different from each other; having one Jimin who knows how to control his body like that is already one too many.

You shake your head as if to physically rid you of the thoughts because if it stays there any longer, you feel like you won’t be able to look your guardian in the eye for a very, very long time.

So you resolve to finally pay attention to the episode playing out in front of you until Jaehee arrives home. Your evening passes by in a flash and yet still, Jimin hasn’t texted you back. Dejectedly, your eyes cast away from the phone beside you for the umpteenth time that day, hand mindlessly going back to shovelling your fried rice around with your spoon.

“Hey, what’s up? You seem really distracted….” Jaehee comments across from you, concern furrowing her eyebrows.

“Ah… no it’s nothing…” You try to brush off, shooting a small smile but Jaehee doesn’t buy it, even her glasses (a rare sight for even you) doesn’t hide the way her deep brown eyes look at you with such dubiousness that it makes you doubt yourself.

“You keep staring at your phone like a kicked puppy. Is it about the BTS concert? It’s happening pretty soon right?”

You can’t keep the wry smile off your face at the mention of the concert. It gives you away on your sudden changed circumstances regarding it and Jaehee easily picks up on that along with your hesitancy to agree with her assumptions of what’s bothering you.

“Well….About that…” You start off, not knowing how to break this as lightly as possible. “I…actually have plans on going to their next stop…?”

The reaction is immediate, Jaehee’s hand stills and her eyes shoot wide open as she blurts out in rapid succession, “What?! Really?! So you got tickets?! I thought you said you weren’t?!”

It makes your lips quirk up more, her enthusiasm overwhelming you to where you had to abandon your dinner altogether to tackle all of her questions. “Yeah, I thought I wasn’t too. But then…Well…” You take the time to unlock your phone to pull up the solid proof to your claims, sliding it closer for Jaehee to see. She picks it up and gasps, a loud, drawn out noise with a dramatic flair at the end, eyes practically bulging from you to the phone screen and back.

“Oh my God, shut up!” Her rising excitement is contagious and so you can’t help but to return it with a wide grin. “You’re really doing it! Is it for the upcoming concert this week? Or the one after that?”

“The one after that.”

“You’re going with one of your friends then yeah?”

“Uh…Yeah…” Your hand comes up to rub your neck, already feeling your cheeks heating up. “I’m going with a friend of mine. Ji— Julien! Julien — he’s actually the one who got me the tickets.”

Even with the partial name slip, Jaehee drives forward, this new development clearly taking hold of her if her gaping mouth and wide sparkling eyes is anything to go by. “Oh my GOD! Are you for real!? Julien got you these tickets?”

When you nod, abashed, she only squeals delightedly before gushing, “Y/N! I think you found yourself a keeper!”

“Huh?” The sound escapes you before you can help yourself along with the rising heat of your cheeks. Jaehee passes the phone back to you, a knowing smile taking form on her lips.

“Julien seems like he’s really into you and totally gets you. I mean, to me, this is like the ultimate profession of love in your language — getting you tickets to see your favourite band.”

You feel your blush intensify at such a profound statement, wondering whether or not you should even mention that he’s paying for all the travel expenses as well and that on top of the tickets, that’s what you’re troubled over. So you settle on going with a half-truth; you think Jaehee might end up coercing you to marry Jimin right at this moment if you told her everything.

“Well, yeah I think it’s great and all but I feel really bad. I wanna do something nice in return for him.” You sigh, “I just don’t know what.”

“Ah…So that’s what’s bothering you.” Jaehee nods, leaning back in her chair with a pensive look, arms crossed. “You could maybe….treat him to dinner?”

Do demons even eat anything? You think to yourself. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Jimin consume anything for sustenance other than alcohol but even then, you think it’s just for the heck of it instead of a need. You shake your head — if it were anyone else, the suggestion would’ve been perfect.

“I don’t know what he likes…? He has…” You fumble for the right words to cover up your….special circumstances. “Dietary restrictions.”

“Ah…”

With that, both you and Jaehee fall back into a contemplative silence. Every once in a while, Jaehee would pipe up with another suggestion but they all end with a shake of your head.

“Ah well, I’m sure something will come up. Like maybe after your trip….?” Jaehee wriggles her eyebrows suggestively and you nearly choke on your last spoonful of fried rice. She barks a laugh at that, assuring you that it was just a joke (“…unless?”, she had tagged on which earned her an indignant smack from you and a cackle from her). You clean up and pack away leftovers before you eventually bid each other goodnight, heading off to wash up and settle for the night.

You were halfway through an episode of a drama that caught your interest when your phone lights up, the chiming notification muffled against your bedsheets. Your eyes instantly whip to it and when you catch sight of the name, you pause everything you’re doing, swiping to pull up the text thread.

“Miss me already? You’re so sweet cherub

(You roll your eyes)

But since you asked, I’ve just been doing errands here and there, mainly for your trip. Nothing to worry about.”

You huff quietly, though an endeared smile creeps on your lips at the thought all the same. However, the guilt indefinitely creeps back to you as you find yourself worrying your bottom lip at the mention of his generous act. You really want to do something nice for him, show him just how grateful you are that he’s going out of his way to do this for you (you honestly think this might even be out of his contract agreement as a temp guardian). At this point, you think you’ll have to settle for something like a bottle of alcohol — it’s the only sure thing you know that he’ll enjoy. Or maybe…

You shake your head; you need to give more thought on that.

“I’m just making sure you didn’t accidentally discorporate or something okay?

Who else is gonna pay for my flight and hotel XP

But I’ll make it up to you when I get to the duty free at the airport. I know you like alcohol but I’m still a broke college student so just accept my token of gratitude that way.”

You type, sending it off before you can overthink it. God you hate this — since when did texting Jimin become such a nail biting thing? You blow out a stream of air, flopping back onto your pillows in frustration.

Get it together, you tell yourself, patting your cheek only to come away scowling from how to warm it feels. A chime saves you from wallowing in your self-consciousness any further, bringing up your phone to check his response.

“Don’t worry about it, just go and have fun.”

Your heart involuntarily flips and you have to take a moment, putting your phone down for a bit — he’s not making this any easier. You roll around in your bed for a couple more minutes, reading and re-reading his message as the metaphorical butterflies in your stomach run wild. Once you’ve managed to reel in the rampant onslaught of feelings, shaking out your trembling fingers, it makes you realize something else; something rather important. The corners of your mouth tug downwards and after hesitating, you decide to shoot your shot.

“So… Are you not coming at all?”

When he doesn’t reply back immediately, regret instantly makes you backtrack, hastily typing an explanation but his response bubble pops up, stopping you.

“Never would’ve pinned you as a clingy type but I don’t mind ;)”

You have to smother your face in your pillow to muffle the loud groan you let out. When you get it out of your system, you race to finish what you were typing and hit send.

“I’m asking because we’re technically bound to each other by a blood contract and you never disclosed the finer details of it i.e. if large distance effects it or not.

So I need to know if it’ll be a problem because if so then you have to come too even if it means not being near the arena.”

“Haha, relax cherub. I get what you mean.

And you’re not wrong, distance does effect the bond of the contract. The farther away we are from each other, the less of a read on you I get. If anything were to happen to you, I won’t be able to help.”

You figured that much. It wouldn’t make sense in having a contract at all if important factors such as distance between the two parties didn’t have any effect. That just means either one of you could run away from the other and that would leave you both vulnerable; you in harms way and him risking the chance of losing a bail for his mischief with heaven. Besides that, a small part of you admits that you’d feel a little more comfortable traveling if you knew Jimin was going to be with you since this would be your first time flying with just another friend, even if it’s not that far out — it’s still a new place neither you nor your friend are familiar with.

As if reading your mind, another text pops up from him.

“I’ll be close by, I promise.”

A smile breaks out onto your lips, the butterflies erupting again and though they’re restless inside you from his words, you’re put at ease.

“I trust you…”

“…It’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Okay… Goodnight.”

“Sweet dreams cherub.”

-

Dark chocolate eyes remain fixated on the screen for a moment longer, a number of emotions swirling within his chest threatening to become a hurricane, all from three simple words.

I trust you.

He thinks you a fool — there’s never, in the history of mankind’s existence, been a human who had openly said that they trusted a demon.

It never leads to good things.

But he thinks himself a fool too because those words mean more to him than he could ever imagined. Shit, he’s in deep, the acceptance of it pulls out a dry laugh from Jimin. He drops the phone away from his face, arm flopping to one side as his view shifts to that of the starless night sky above him. He’s had a lot to think on these past days ever since your birthday and though it wasn’t exactly a lie when he told you he was running errands, most of that time was spent trying to sort out his feelings.

The fact of reality is Jimin doesn’t have a lot of time left as your temporary guardian. By the looks of it, he’s pretty much done a good portion of what heaven had demanded of him and once he gets the official decree, the contract between you and him will be broken and he would have no business to linger around you less it was to tempt you into forfeiting your soul to hell — something he’d rather not do.

Yet in spite of it all, the thought of leaving you is something he couldn’t imagine doing, would not accept at this point. But as long as he is around, Jimin will only become a burden on your life, a toxic weight chaining you down in a pit of misery for he is a demon; a creature that causes misfortune on others and thrives off of it and as such, you’ll never be blessed with the good karma you receive from doing good deeds because he is not capable of bringing it. Any and all good things that happen to you will be short-lived in exchange for a hefty price because that is the demon code — nothing is without a cost, a sacrifice. And thus, he cannot remain with you as a temporary guardian nor demon.

Unless….

In his other hand, he grasps at the bottle of whiskey and drags it over this lips, the liquor leaving a burning trail down his throat in the big gulps he takes. It distracts him from his troubled thoughts but as per usual, the effects is much too short to offer any real relief. He doesn’t have long to sulk about it though because he senses another presence coming towards him.

“I have to say, this is uncharacteristic of you to have willingly called for me brother.” Jungkook steps close enough so that he towers over Jimin, forcing him to stare up at that annoyingly handsome, twenty-something year old idol’s face that he’s so fond of, doe-eyes gleaming mischievously with dark wavy locks framing either side of his face. “I’m a little suspicious.”

Jimin snorts, a hand wrenching free from one of his belongings to reach up and pinch the younger’s ankle. Jungkook skips out of the way with a throaty giggle before rounding back to the elder’s side. He makes himself comfortable, sitting down next to Jimin in his oversized t-shirt and baggy sweatpants that makes Jimin think what a waste of a body to be dressed like that. They sit in silence for a while, letting the city night life below become their white noise as Jimin watches the inky abyss above him with unseeing eyes while Jungkook carefully observes him.

He’s not unfamiliar with Jimin’s brooding and aloof nature, has seen it enough times over their years of being friends to the point where he’s able to read him quite easily. But now, as he gazes upon this perfect mask, there is no signs of indifference marring the almost angelic features, not even a hint of annoyance. Instead, the emotion he sees is melancholy — something that he’s never seen before but it is there, clear as day. The sight of it stirs an uneasy feeling in the pit of Jungkook’s stomach but he refrains from asking directly, choosing to hold onto the belief that perhaps it’s not anything serious. For now, he’ll do what he does best; prod for information.

“You seem awfully moodier than usual…. Has poppet’s gloominess finally affected you too?”

He sees two eyes slide over to focus on him, their colour a subdued ruby that belies the warning beneath them. But they seep away just as quickly as Jimin doesn’t move to enact said threat, not even verbally and his eyes drift back to staring listlessly above him. It has Jungkook quirking his eyebrows and before he can let his curiousity overtake him, Jimin’s voice cuts through the still night air.

“If you must know, she’s no longer not going to the concert.” He states plainly, “I’ve made sure of that.”

It takes a while for the words to register in Jungkook’s head but when he does process them, he’s gobsmacked.

“You didn’t…!”

When he’s met with no response, it only further confirms that indeed Jimin had gifted you tickets to your most sought after concert. Jungkook’s mouth falls open but he could produce no coherent words from the shock. It’s only after a minute of shuffling around, not knowing what to do with himself that the younger demon finally throws his head back with a loud bark of laughter.

“I cannot believe this!” He chokes out between cackles, “You actually bought tickets for her even after you claiming you’re not a ‘miracle worker’! Brother, you hypocrite!” Jungkook’s gives a hardy smack onto Jimin’s shoulder and ignores the glare sent his way from it. Once he calms down, wiping at the corners of his eyes, Jungkook continues teasing.

“So did she promise her soul to you in five years time or something? Surely you would’ve taken advantage of such a golden opportunity.”

Again, he’s met with silence from his companion only this time when it drags on, the air shifts and the unnerving feeling grows within Jungkook, the playful smile slipping from his lips. His thoughts begin to race with a multitude of questions, all coming to a conclusion he doesn’t think he’s ready to face yet. He opens his mouth in an attempt to carry on the light nature of the conversation but unfortunately for him, Jimin begs to differ, as if finally growing tired of humouring Jungkook.

“Enough with the small talk; like you said, there’s a reason why I’ve called you here.” Jimin says, his tone low with a seriousness that makes Jungkook think he’s about to deliver some grave news. “I have something to ask of you.”

From the way he says it, Jungkook feels like it’ll be a loaded question and it puts an immediate stop to any possible attempts of deflecting. Despite the darkness surrounding them, Jungkook could clearly see the swirling emotions that reflect in Jimin’s eyes, even if his face, for the most part, shows no signs of that turmoil. He wouldn’t have known just how conflicted his companion really was otherwise and it makes a small part of him not wish to know what the elder wanted to ask. But curiosity, the double-edged sword, has him gripped in its tight hold so he swallows, bracing himself with a shield of feigned disinterest.

“What is it, oh dear brother of mine?”

Jimin lets out a heavy breath, as if he too was bracing himself for something but he’s had time to mull it over thoroughly, his decision made and it’s now or never. So he pulls himself together, schooling his expression and he utters the words he knows will surely become a catalyst in disrupting the very order of heaven and hell itself.

“…Is it possible for a demon to become an angel again?”

His quiet words seem to ring even louder in the night that it’s impossible to be misheard by anyone. But that’s exactly what Jungkook wants to do, tries so desperately to convince himself to do, to the point where people will call him delusional. The question is so ridiculous that the younger demon is stupefied for what seems like an eternity before a loud laugh of disbelief escapes him in one choked exhale, the sound forced and unnatural.

“W-What? That’s— Don’t be ridiculous brother! You and I both know that —“

“Ezazel.”

All laughter ceases immediately at the name he had not heard in so long. It leaves him short of breath, shuddering as he inhales sharply like he’s been doused by cold water. Jaw clenching, Jungkook swallows as his eyes focus onto Jimin, the irises beginning to simmer a deep golden topaz behind the dark chocolate hues as he fights the tremors that threaten to overtake his body. Jungkook shoots up from his seat.

“You…” He strains, raising a threatening finger to Jimin, voice tight with effort to keep it steady. “I don’t know what games you’re playing at but—“

“No games I’m afraid,” Jimin says with a quiet, breathy laugh, an eerie calmness about him that has the younger demon slowly becoming more enraged. “Demons were once angels before they fell from grace, it doesn’t happen often but the fact of it is true. So surely, if that is the case, the opposite can be done as well.” Gaze flitting to Jungkook, Jimin adds, “Am I wrong?”

“I—“ The younger struggles to formulate words, teeth gritting and eyes glaring down at him, “What does it even matter? It’s impossible either way!”

“So there is a way?”

Jungkook freezes, mind stuttering at how he had accidentally got the tables on him turned by Jimin, but he supposes it’s only natural; behind that angelic face lies a cunning demon after all and unfortunately for him, one that always seems have a way with his words. Still, that won’t stop Jungkook from clamming up about what he knows or doesn’t on this matter.

“Like I said, it doesn’t matter whether I do or not hypothetically because I won’t tell you regardless!” Jungkook is huffing as he gets all of that out in one seething breath, his young face contorting into what Jimin worries will become a permanent stony scowl. It makes the corner of his lips twitch at how cute he looks but he suppresses it, not wanting to perhaps anger Jungkook more — he needs answers and he knows Jungkook is his best, if not, only chance at getting them. So Jimin remains steadfast, determined to getting Jungkook to spill.

“I don’t have much time left here…”

“Exactly, so why do you even want to know something like this? What’s the point?”

The question triggers an unintentional chortle from Jimin, gaze returning back to the desolate night sky briefly, the barest of smiles pulling at plush lips from the irony of it all and Jungkook could only stare, perplexed.

“I…” Jimin starts, trying to search for the right words. “Let’s just say I’ve made up my mind on something…for someone …”

The younger demon’s mouth falls open, moving the slightest to mouth the last phrase Jimin had said to himself as his eyebrows furrow in pensive confusion. His head cocks to one side, not understanding before all at once, it clicks together. Eyes shooting wide open, Jungkook whips his gaze to Jimin once again, a mess of emotion reflecting in them — shock mixed with disbelief mixed with outrage and disappointment that eventually all melt into a burnt, golden ember that seems to consume his whole sclera.

“You can’t be fucking serious….”

“Ez—“

Jimin’s attempt at quelling the younger’s temper fails as he’s quickly cut off by Jungkook as he starts to pace around in his spot, the anger rolling off of his broad shoulders in waves. “Look, it’s all in good fun when I said you’ve gone soft for her. Hell I think she’s just okay too but to risk your life for her?! Do you even hear how crazy that sounds?!” He scoffs, lips twisting into a sneer. “You know for all the decades of experience you claim to have, you sure aren’t really smart after all huh?”

The condescending comment makes Jimin narrow his gaze as he stands to step up to the younger, shoulders squared and eyes flaring to life to match the intensity of Jungkook’s.

“You don’t know what it’s like to live all those years, drifting from one decade to another until they all blur together, being stuck dealing with the same rotten piece of shit humans that can’t get sent to hell fast enough and when you think you’ve seen them all, they just keep on crawling out of the woodwork like fucking cockroaches.” A sort of pitying look softens his features for a split second as he says, “You’re still too young to understand.”

Whereas Jungkook’s voice had risen in volume with his growing rage, Jimin’s remains in a low, even tone; a cold, quiet anger simmering under his calm facade like a coiled snake ready to strike at any moment. Jungkook’s jaw ticks in defiance, not backing down but growing more agitated because he realizes…. He doesn’t recognize the person in front of him anymore. The revelation saddens him but most of all, it scares him.

“The only thing I don’t understand is how you think she’s any different; in the end, humans are all fickle creatures and you’re only fooling yourself to think otherwise.” The younger demon grits, glaring daggers down at the other demon. With one final shake of his head, he sets his hardened gaze on his dear friend and mentor, already turning away. He needs to leave, needs to get away from having to divulge his secrets or sort his feelings out, maybe both. Either way, it’s for Jimin’s own good. “I won’t let you do something as stupid as throwing away your life for one seemingly decent human girl.”

“You—!” Jimin begins, making a grab to spin Jungkook back around by the shoulder but all he grasps are wisps of black smoke as the younger apparates away.

Slipped right through his fingers, quite literally. Jimin ruefully scoffs, fist clenching as he exhales deeply, trying to rid of the tension that had stiffened his body. It’s no use though, and he’s again left alone to stew on his own except this time in a much fouler mood. His eyes fall to his forgotten bottle of whiskey, not much of the dark liquor left inside. Regardless, he picks it up and drains it in one go, a sad attempt at drinking away his problems.

When he swallows the last bit of the bitter alcohol with not even a hint of that numbing relief, he smashes the bottle against the ground, the crashing of glass breaking against asphalt intermingled with the sharp shout of frustration Jimin lets out. His shoulders heave in a struggle to regain his composure, one hand covering his eyes as if he’s willing away an incessant headache and after a few more deep, slow breaths, he somewhat relaxes; the searing hot anger running through his veins ebbing away into a tempered flame. Tilting his head back, his hand moves to run through his locks, tugging slightly at the roots as he looks out at the darkness above him — still no stars in sight no matter how long he stared.

Funny how a few nights before, he was staring up at the exact same starless sky and felt more at peace with himself than he’d ever been but now it all seems like a premonition, a bad omen of what’s to come. His lips pull back into a spiteful sneer; how apropos. Not like that would stop him, starless skies be damned, because ultimately they’re all the same to him anyways. It’s ruefully does he admit that they’ve only started to become something beautiful to look at when he had met you.

-

It’s with mild amusement and disbelief that you take up Jimin’s advice on ‘hosting’ a belated birthday get together with your friends. At first you were doubtful, with what few of the close friends you do have, the chances of them being able to come out were far more slimmer than average. But after working up some courage, you go for it anyways, shooting off a tentative text message in the group chat to see if anyone is up to hanging around, get some bubble tea and maybe lunch…? You’re open to ideas.

You weren’t expecting much but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel pleasantly surprised and happy that they were free and were excited to get together after such a long time. So with plans made and set, there’s only one thing left for you to worry about; just how are you gonna bring up the fact that you got two tickets to the concert and that you could only bring one of them? The thought instantly makes you anxious — it’s like you’re forced to pick favourites and you by no means favour a friend over another. But you have no choice, you only have the one ticket to give away.

You’ve managed to worry yourself up until the very day as you get up early the next morning. Should you maybe not bring it up as a group in person? Or would that make things look worse if you approach one person through text? But even then, you can’t guarantee the person you pick would be able to go either, then that just means you have to guess who’s most likely abled. Agh! You’re losing your mind over this and if you let it go any further, it would ruin your mood. So you decide to put it aside for now and see where the day takes you during this little outing. If the mood seems right then you’ll bring it up, if not….

Okay, no more thinking on this, just go with the flow. With one last shake of your head, you concentrate on getting to the designated meeting spot, determined to have a good time in the company of your friends. Luckily it’s easy because as soon as you’re all gathered together, it’s like no time has passed between anyone. You all fall into conversations comfortably, caught up and joked around with one another but of course eventually, the topic ends up on the subject of all your worries.

“Ugh! I’m so sad I can’t go to this concert!” One of your friend, Jess, whines, turning away from her phone screen as she no doubt must’ve caught sight of some fancams that happened for their first stop. “Why’d they have to skip over our city this year? I thought it was such a good turn out!”

Your other friend lets out a heavy sigh, slumping slightly at the mention of such tragedy. “I don’t know man, it sucks though! I was so ready to go! But the money for the travel on top of the ticket is too much for me.”

“Right? After saying they would come back next year too….All men do is lie.”

Your circle of friends laughs and you do too in spite of growing more and more fidgety in your seat, nervously sipping on your drink. You think this is the perfect time to break your silence on the deep secret you’re holding if you weren’t absolutely breaking out into a cold sweat simultaneously. You know you have to act fast though, before you lose the timing so in an effort to keep on it but not give yourself away, you throw in what sounds like to you some painfully awkward two cent.

“What if there was, like…a contest and the prize was a round trip to see the BTS concert….” Your hypothetical instantly catches the attention of your friends and you nearly shrink back out of intimidation, but you swallow the feeling, trying to keep casual about it and hope that your face isn’t as red as it feels. “But there’s only two tickets, ‘cus that’s how it usually is, so you can only take one of your friends, so like, how would you even decide that?”

Each of your friends hum in consideration, falling into a pensive silence before one of them speaks up, “Oh my God, I wouldn’t even know.”

“Right? Last minute trips would definitely not work for me like, as much as I hate to say it, I need money and can’t afford to quit even though I hate my job.” Soohee sighs.

“Pfft, I’d probably quit like….YOLO this is BTS; for my boys.”

“Or call in sick? Like,” Rosa says before she makes her voice sound more nasally and scratchy to portray a sickly tone, coughing in between sentences, ”’Oh sorry, I don’t think I can come in for at least three days, I’ve caught a really serious cold okay bye.’”

That earns a peal of laughter from everyone but your heart is pounding through it as you grin along. “But like, no hard feelings if that ever happens right?” You can’t help putting out there, masking your anxiety for playfulness.

“Yeah no, I mean we’re all friends here right?”

“Well….I might feel just a little bit salty if I didn’t get a ticket.” Mei jokes, scrunching her face but everyone all knows from her exaggeration that she means no real harm if it comes down to it. If anything, it successfully pulls another round of light-hearted chuckles from the group. Overall though, everyone collectively nods in agreement or verbally voices it and it’s enough to put you at ease considerably. The feeling of gratefulness warms you over at the genuineness you’re witnessing, making you think that you were worried over nothing. So when everyone settles down, you take a deep breath and muster up all the courage you have to say the next few but very decisive words.

“Okay because like…..I may or may not need to confess something… And you’re all probably gonna hate me for it.” You begin wryly with a crooked smile. Your friends perk up like meerkats towards your direction, always ready for some good tee. Rosa has one eyebrow quirked, eyes widen comically to pin you with a cartoonishly accusatory stare.

“What? Did you secretly score tickets without telling us?”

You nearly choke on your own spit, inhaling too sharply and you have to fan yourself for a second before you squeak out, “I mean… I-I have a good friend…who’s friends with someone who was part of a…group trip for the next stop of BTS’ tour in North America that dropped out so now he needs two people to take their spots so they asked me if I wanted to go and if I knew anyone else who wanted to go so…yeah! I have tickets to their next stop so do any of you guys wanna come with me?!”

It was a mess; you tripped and stuttered your entire way through, words spilling out faster by the time you finish your tall tale for this miracle. Your face feels like it’s on fire again as you mentally bash your head against a wall because anyone can smell this bullshit from a mile away and you don’t think you even explained that flights and hotel were covered for this trip right? Oh my God how are you going to explain that?!

As you mentally berate yourself, you don’t notice how all of your friends are stunned into a shocked silence, each with their mouths agape in various sizes until Jess sputters, hands flailing about in front of her before she’s gripping the table, leaning over from her seat on the opposite end of where you were.

“Hold on! Wait a minute! Pause! You’re saying you got connections to their next stop?!”

Her outburst causes a chain reaction, snapping all of your remaining friends out of their stupor to shoot rapid fire questions at you.

“Like are we talking free free? Or like they’re trying to sell tickets for cheap cheap?”

“You said group trip right? Like does that mean the spots dropped are free to take but like we gotta give a deposit or something?”

“Are you sure this isn’t some sort of scam? How good friends are you with this person?”

In turn, your mind goes racing to come up with more plausible answers to the loopholes they’re pointing out. You swear if you were starring in the movie ‘Inside Out’, the inside of your mind would be a scene of chaos — alarms blaring and all of your personified emotions running in a panicked frenzy yelling at the top of their lungs. Frantically before you abort mission altogether, you grabbed onto the one thing you can answer with full confidence.

“The person who told me about this and is offering is someone I’ve known for a while — I trust them so I know this isn’t a scam for sure.” You reassure, holding up your hands in a placating manner. “They said the group does these….trips really often and like, everyone has a lot of air miles or something so….a lot of the times some people fly for cheap or even free; something like that? And the deposit was already made by the two who were supposed to go and it’s non-refundable so they said they’d rather find someone just so it doesn’t go to waste. I don’t know, they explained it to me but it’s sort of complicated.”

“Wow, this sounds like  a bunch of rich people….” Mei comments, blinking in astonishment. “Must be nice…”

“Then what about a place to stay? Is it like…a hotel or an AirBnB? Is it even covered or is that something that needs to be split and paid?”

“….I think that’s the only thing left to be paid…?” You lie (along with this entire story but you have to add some sort of element of plausibility! It’s more suspicious to have everything come at no charge than for at least one thing to be paid for). “So yeah! Umm…anyone down?” You finish quickly with a slightly nervous laugh, eyes shaking.

You wait with bated breath as you watch your friends consider your proposition albeit still dubiously. You don’t blame them; you would be too but you can’t outright tell them the whole truth because that sounds like an even bigger lie than what you had already just told. Besides, you’re always known for being a truthful and trustworthy person (minus this big ol’ outright lie here but it’s with good reasons), not to mention not that gullible when it comes to these things — you consider yourself to be a pretty big skeptic! So surely….

“Okay but like…just one last question….” Rosa pipes up, sounding awfully serious that it has you a little on edge. Your shoulders unconsciously hunch up as you peer at her, waiting for her to call you out entirely but then, “Is your friend’s friend in the market for a sugar baby? Or like know anyone in their circle who is? ‘Cus…. I can give them my business card.”

That seems to dispel whatever remaining suspicions left as everyone bursts out laughing in solidarity, yourself included. The rest of the conversation regarding the trip transitions smoothly to everyone re-evaluating their schedules to see if they’re able to accompany you (within reason, much to the chagrin of all parties). It ends with people who were most likely to be available to settle a few final things before messaging you to say whether it’s a go or not, no fuss or muss (“because we’re all adults here”, Soohee iterates proudly). Overall, you’re very satisfied with the outcome having went way better than expected, the heavy weight lifting off your shoulders and the rest of the day resumes with more laughs, dinner, and even surprise belated birthday gifts (that got you choked up).

By the time you’re heading home, you’re feeling so happy that you nearly walk right past a certain demon. It’s only when he calls out to you do you startle out of your euphoric reverie.

“It worries me how increasingly prone you’re becoming to being at death’s door.”

“Oh shit! Jesus Jimin!”

“Flattered but point proven.” He chastises. Lowering your hand from your chest, you pout up at him before turning away to continue walking down the street to your home. He falls into steps with you easily, what with his long, lean legs but you’re in a good mood and if you’re being honest…. It’s nice to see him after so long. Giving him a once over, you note that Jimin’s still sporting an ashy brown for hair colour, cut short to where you can see a hint of an undercut with his cartilage silver piercing gleaming even in the low lights of the street lamps. He’s dressed in that casual chic way you’ve grown to know him for — one hand shoved into the pocket of his black jeans with a tear on each knee and a simple light denim button down with a square pocket with the words ’Saint Laurent’ scribbled on in black cursive ink. The sight makes you roll your eyes but smile nonetheless; it wouldn’t be him without it.

“I’m actually surprised to see you here; thought you were busy with….stuff.”

“Hey, you’re still technically my charge so my heads on the chopping block if you get distracted by a BTS billboard while crossing the street when you’re not supposed to.”

You choke a gasp of indignation, giving him a shove even though it does nothing more than make him teeter to one side slightly. It also pulls out a deep musical chuckle from him and you find your heart singing along to the tune. You freeze — Oh God, what was that? Your heart skipped a beat just now and it’s not because you had a good day.

“I take it things went well with today by the looks of that dopey smile.” His voice distracts you before you can get lost in dissecting the foreign feeling. When you turn your wide gaze up at him, he merely gestures to the little gift bag containing a new version of a BTS album you don’t own along with other goodies your friends know you’ll enjoy.

“O-Oh, yeah! It went way better than I expected actually. Everyone came out and we went for bubble tea, chilled and then had dinner. They even surprised me with late birthday presents, which they didn’t have to. Also, three of them said they would let me know if they can schedule time off to come with me; two of them said it was a most likely so that’s good.” When you finish recounting your day’s events, you suddenly feel shy, sounding like a grade schooler who’s telling their parents about their first day of school. But Jimin simply nods, humming here and there to let you know he’s listening. You both eventually reach the steps leading to your door and you dig around in your purse for your keys as he waits.

“That is good. You’ll have someone to go with,” Jimin pauses, teasing smile pulling back his perfectly pink lips, “and I finally won’t have to babysit you as much.”

You glower at him but when all he does is stick his tongue out at you, you roll your eyes with a shake of your head. “Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that.” And as retaliation, you mumble. “You big tsundere.”

“You know I heard that right?”

“I know, I was counting on that.” You say. As an afterthought, you stick your tongue out at him too and it’s his turn to roll his eyes. You clear your throat roughly to disguise the self-satisfying giggle that escapes your lips, turning back to unlocking your door, “Now are you coming in or not?”

You miss the look of conflict that flits across Jimin’s face as he hesitates on the invitation but ultimately decide against it, schooling his expression back with a carefully placed laid-back smile by the time you turn to look at him. “I’m afraid not; you know how it is.”

You let out a noncommittal hum; you figured and you want to sigh, a bit disappointed at his short visit but you can’t be mad at that. “Right; getting up to no good as per usual?”

“You know it, darling.”

The gruff noise you let out is more or less done to hide your traitorous heart; the term of endearment hitting differently this time around. You cross your arms for good measures, like a physical attempt at keeping your heart in check before it bursts right out of your chest as chew on your bottom lip. “Well, good night then I guess — try not to get discorporated and all that jazz.”

His smiles widens into a full on grin, teeth on display and eyes creasing into crescents. Just when you can’t get blind-sided anymore by him and his unfair beauty, Jimin leans in closer to you, hovering so close that you have to take a half step back and pray he for once, doesn’t see how quickly your face is reddening or how fast your heart is beating. Turning his head slightly, he taps the cheek facing you with a finger, “How about a goodnight kiss for good luck then?”

“Bye you dingus.” You deadpan, ears burning as you clatter through your door and promptly shut it once you step through it, heart pounding a mile a minute.

Jimin watches you go, the Cheshire grin growing into more of a fond smile. He doesn’t think he’ll get tired of seeing you so flustered; face flushed and lips chewing nervously. It’s an image he’ll keep to himself, another memory he’ll cherish of you amongst others because when he finally steps away from your door, it might be for the last time he’ll ever see you.

-

Ever since Jungkook had met Jimin, he had began to believe that there was a higher being controlling the universe and all that are within it — and he’s not talking about the forces Upstairs™. Some people might call it ‘fate’ or ‘destiny’, an intangible force who assumes no form and takes no sides.  

It’s the only way he can explain how he’d end up in this predicament. It’s a whole mess of irony that he thinks even God themselves couldn’t have seen or been capable of doing. He wants to both laugh and cry at the same time….and also strangle Jimin. Jungkook lets out a loud disgruntled groan, dragging his hands through his hair for the second time, dark brown locks mussing up wildly from the gesture. In the solitude of an abandoned rooftop building, he had been sitting by the edge lost in his troubled thoughts on the recent conversation he had with Jimin. He doesn’t know where to begin to unpack all of that.

He should probably start with the most obvious; how stupid the other demon is being and probably the most outrageously dim-witted thing he’s heard since….since his life as a supernatural entity! No sane being of their kind would risk giving up their life for one mortal being, let alone willingly (some may argue guardian angels but you’d be surprised that they’re way more political about it; not just anyone gets that sort of privilege). Jungkook can’t understand it, can’t seem to find words to process it but the more he tries, the more he realizes that it’s not so much about what Jimin wants to do for you, rather it’s what he did to him.

What Jimin plans to do had awakened a long forgotten wound of his that he thought had disappeared, leaving him restless and a bitter taste in his mouth. It dredged up distant memories that felt like they were from another life time ago, or even of someone else’s — his memories, but ones that were best left to be forgotten because they weren’t something he looked back on fondly. It was a time where he felt like a lost puppy; didn’t know who he was or what he was meant to be and so, felt like he didn’t belong anywhere. So how ironic is it that he was able to find himself when he met Jimin, of all things, a demon.

But by no means did they hit it right off the bat when they first crossed paths. No, it was very clear that the bored demon had no intentions of befriending Jungkook at all — in fact, he always had an air of distaste whenever he decided to be a nuisance to Jungkook,, often times appearing when he least expected. And the feeling was mutual, so least to say, neither of them could have predicted that the exact opposite happened.

Over time, Jimin had unknowingly grown fond of Jungkook in a way where he sees parts of himself in the younger while Jungkook had begun to see that Jimin really did have a heart somewhere in his chest after all. Jimin had been the one to give him a choice, opened his eyes to seeing the possibilities, to not be afraid of being himself and because of that, Jimin is someone….he cares about, even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud.

So he has his reasons.

Besides, what’s so special about you anyways? Sure, you let him crash your place from time to time, bake some bombass chocolate chip cookies and he guess you’re pretty funny for a human but other than that, you’re just human; one small blip among the millions — billions — of other fragile souls on this earth that are all destined to perish with time.

Just what does Jimin see in you that's worth protecting?

Well, he supposes sitting around thinking about it wouldn’t give him answers. So with a stretch, Jungkook gets up, peering out at the city horizon as the first warm rays of orange light breaks through the midnight blue of the night sky. He watches for a few moments longer as it becomes brighter and brighter until the sun had chased away any remaining darkness left. It looks to be another clear day, only a few clouds dotting the azure sky but it’s as they say, sometimes a storm can be just around the corner.

-

When you wake the next day, it’s way before your alarm clock that you set for work but instead of feeling bitter about losing precious minutes of extra sleep, you decide to just lay in bed, using the time to slowly wake at your own pace until you feel like you’re up to the task of getting up finally. You also feel refreshed and in a good mood, oddly enough. Kind of sad if you think too long on it, how this feeling is so foreign to you that you can’t even recall the last time you had felt this way; maybe because they were all too short-lived to begin with anyways. Ah, you forcefully stop yourself from exploring those thoughts any further or else you’ll spiral and start needlessly worrying. You’re living in the now so you should enjoy it and that’s one inspirational quote you’ll actually live by. How couldn’t you when you’re literally going to a BTS concert in less than two weeks.

…

Holy crap you have less than two weeks to prepare.

You bolt upright in bed, suddenly overwhelmed with a pressing matter at hand. Your heart flutters in a strange mixture of excitement and mild panic as you sit there, completely stunned at the fact that this is happening and you still have so much you need to do!

That has you getting up in no time, going through your morning routine faster than you can comprehend with your mind racing with what seems like millions of different thoughts per second. You rush around, trying to do ten things at once; check your phone for any new updates from your friends, make yourself breakfast, finding out where the heck you had left your luggage case, and before you know it, you’re scrambling out the door because you lost track of time for work.

You make it with just barely two minutes to spare but once you start your shift, time seems to reverse its effect on you and the hours begin to tick by slower than watching grass grow. Doesn’t help that you were stuck as a cashier again, the bane of your existence. Though your manager assigns tasks for you to get done around the queue line, you can barely get far enough before running back to your register to cash out any customers that approach. Plus, it has you feeling more like a meerkat in the Savannah; constantly having to pause in concentration to pop your head up to keep an eye out to avoid leaving customers waiting. So in short, you didn’t get anything done.

It leaves you feeling disgruntled but ultimately, you can’t find the strength to care anyways (you aren’t paid enough to). You’re on your last two hours of your shift, cashing out the last customer before the line is deemed clear for you to scurry back over to the closest aisle you were reorganizing but when you round the corner into it, you bump into a body.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry I didn’t see you!” You gasp out hurriedly, the blow disorienting you for a second so when you finally get a good look at the person, you almost do a double take, eyes widening in surprise. “Jungkook?”

“Hey, poppet — been a while huh?”

And it has, now that you get a good look at him. He’s dressed like he always does — a baggy black shirt that looks to be two sizes too big on him and matching black jogger pants but his hair on the other hand; the dark locks are much longer than you had last remembered, the fringes splitting in the middle nearly reach down to either sides of his chin, falling in thick, wavy locks. It has you starstruck; only ever used to seeing the actual Jungkook from BTS with short, coiffed hair either parted slightly to the side or with fringes flopping over his forehead. If you dare say it, this new look has you almost falling for him, almost. You eventually compose yourself and, after glancing around to make sure no one was around, you drag him deeper into the aisle to continue your conversation.

“Yeah it has,” You begin, feeling strangely awkward but nonetheless happy to see the younger demon. “Thought your visa expired or something.”

Jungkook shakes his head before sweeping the hair out of his eyes briefly as they gleam along with the barest hints of those two bunny teeth through his smile. He’s cheeky as you had remember him being, but for some reason, you sense that it’s been dialled down by a couple of notches like something is weighing on his mind. Just as you’re about to ask what he’s been up to without being too invasive right off the bat, he speaks up first.


“When do you get off work?”

“Uh..In like,” You check your watch, “Two hours or so?”

“Good, let’s go somewhere after.”

His proposal takes you off-guard, this probably being the first time he’s ever asked you to go anywhere with him, much like Jimin before he spontaneously took you star-gazing (or lack thereof) for your birthday. Now you know something is definitely up, and you can’t help but eye him suspiciously for a good minute. He picks up on your skepticism and only chortles a laugh, reaching out to ruffle your hair which you squawk in protest before swatting his hand away vehemently.

“Relax poppet, I just…have something to talk to you about — regarding your glorified watch dog.”

“Hey!” You automatically gasp affronted, going in to smack the younger demon for bad mouthing his senior. “That’s rude and for that I’m almost tempted not to take you up on your offer.”

“But you will anyways because you’re too nosy right?”


You have nothing to say to that and it only makes Jungkook beam at you, a full on shit-eating grin. He might’ve pronounced it as ‘nosy’, but what he meant to say was ‘curious’. And that is one vice that you can’t seem to help about yourself. So you begrudgingly agree to meet him after you finish, all the while secretly glad to have something to help you power through the remainder of your shift.

It’s evening by the time you clock out, fishing your phone from your pocket to check the time and also answering a couple of text messages, one of them being your friend who has successfully worked out everything on her end to be able to attend the concert with you. The good news washes away any mental exhaustion you feel from work instantly, and you can’t help the wide smile that breaks out over your lips. You return your friend’s enthusiasm through a series of keyboard smashing text bubbles and badly misspelled words but vibrating at a frequency that could shatter glass aside, it all further makes everything feel so much more real; like this is actually happening.

“Hey, you know texting and walking is becoming the leading cause to pedestrian deaths in the past year recently right? Stop contributing to that.” Jungkook’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts as well as his grip on the back of your shirt, yanking you until you feel yourself tipping backwards but just as you let out a yelp, your surroundings shifts in a swirl of colours and warped images and before you have a chance to make out any of them, it stops and you find yourself in a completely different place than where you had been.

You stumble on your feet, going as far as to grip onto Jungkook’s arm less you wanted to fall flat on your face until you feel like you have a grasp on your vertigo again.

“Don’t,” You wheeze, blinking hard in hopes of stopping your world from spinning in your eyes, gaze firmly locked on your shoes. “Don’t do that without warning next time!”

“Then what fun would that be?” You hear Jungkook snicker above you.

You want to smack him again but you’re more focused on pulling yourself together. When you do, you finally let go of his arm to take a look at your surroundings. You’re surprised to see that Jungkook had teleported the both of you to what appears to be a rooftop garden. And not just the typical, modern city rooftop garden that looks like an open patio people would host fancy cocktail parties on, no, this is an actual garden on a rooftop. You’re standing on a gravel pathway that’s bordered by different shrubberies interspersed with tall, wispy ornamental grasses that sway at the slightest of breezes. In areas where there are more soil space, you spot what appears to be bushels of lavender peeking through to break up the shades of green that overtake the place but what’s even more surprising is that you also spy a couple of trees planted that gives you the impression that this is quite a big rooftop.

“You’ll catch a fly if you keep your mouth open like that.”

You immediately snap it shut, not doubting Jungkook on that considering how much greenery you’re surrounded with, but it still doesn’t stop your amazement from coming through.

“W-Where is this? Are we still even in the city?”

The demon snorts, stuffing his hands into his pant pockets as he begins to stroll off. “Yeah, it’s just a place I found. Apparently it’s owned by some big shot CEO.”

You hastily pick up your pace in order to catch up to his longer strides, can’t help your brow from furrowing at the information. “What if we get caught up here?”

“Nah, bastard hardly ever comes up this far in the building — it’s all just for show. Besides,” Jungkook smirks, “Who says ‘we’re’ getting caught? Other mortals can’t see me remember.”

Right.

You kiss your teeth at that, having no choice but to believe in the younger demon that you won’t get caught trespassing any time soon. So with a sigh, you continue alongside Jungkook as you make your way around the garden. “So,” You start off, “You said you wanted to talk to me about Jimin?”

You glance up at Jungkook when he offers you no immediate response, catching an eyeful of his profile. Deep brown eyes are lost in the horizon ahead of him in an almost trance like state as the slowly setting sun turns the sky into vibrant hues of pink, orange and purple. The warm rays cast upon Jungkook’s skin makes it appear almost golden, glowing from the inside and his hair shines with a rich lushness that you even catch the subtle hues of brown in them.

You’re so caught up in his visuals that for a moment you actually think it’s a good thing no one else can see him because no doubt, he’d be turning heads and getting mobbed just by walking down the street (or perhaps it’s a shame that he can’t be seen). You also get caught up at how scarily accurate he seems to have the actual Jungkook look pinned down; from his shapely thin lips, cutting jawline, prominent nose to his expressive doe eyes and of course, his signature bunny smile. It makes you wonder if there was something he missed from being a perfect copy of the young Korean vocalist.

Finally, as if feeling eyes on him, Jungkook inclines his head towards you, shaking his long fringe in order to see through them and making the numerous silver hoop earrings on his lobe and cartilage twinkle in the remaining light. You try to school your face into one of indifference but the creeping blush on your cheeks gives you away at your shameless staring (you think you might’ve been openly gaping at him too, how embarrassing!)

His lips twitches in the slightest at the corner but he doesn’t comment. Instead he silently ambles over to the left of a slight fork in the path, coming up to what you finally notice are small steps leading to a slightly elevated, wooden deck that gives you an impressive view of the city below behind the safety of glass panels and railings that come up high enough to prevent anyone from climbing over. Jungkook comes to a stop before it and you follow suit just beside him. Another moment of silence passes between you two before he asks you a question that takes you completely off-guard.

“What do you think of Jimin?”

You buffer in answering, mind jumping to all sorts of interpretations and wild assumptions. Clearing your throat to mask the fact you might’ve choked on your spit a little, you stutter out with the vain attempt at seeming totally nonchalant about it, cheeks burning for different reasons this time, “L-Like what? Like, how he is as a demon? Or…like, him as my guardian….?”

“Him, as himself, as honest as you can be.”

You suck in a breath, thrown into an even bigger loop at how blunt Jungkook’s being so suddenly in regards to your guardian demon. “Well,” you drag out, eyes shifting self-consciously as your hand reaches up to scratch the back of your head. “If I have to be honest…I…I think he’s pretty alright for a demon….”

“….Really?”

The deadpan and disbelief in Jungkook’s tone makes you whip your gaze to him and his expression makes you blink incredulously at him. He almost looks offended and a little too serious for a simple enough question, as if your answer will determine the fate of the universe and you just fucked everyone over by giving a half-assed one. It has you back-tracking defensively, like you really did doom humanity but it’s not like you mean to! No one told you so much was at stake in the first place!

“W-What?! Why are you even asking me this so suddenly?!”

Jungkook lets out a loud sigh, the sound rough around the edges from frustration bleeding into it as he says, “Just — “ But then stops himself, shutting his eyes briefly as if to reconsider his approach. You watch quietly as he runs a hand through his hair, tousling the locks and watching them fall back into place. He takes a deep breath in before letting it out, eyes sliding back open to the view in front of him. It’s dark now for the most part, the warm orange light from the setting sun being nothing more than a sliver of colour that eventually gets engulfed by the overwhelming navy blue of the night and in its place are the millions of fluorescent lights that shine from the windows of the buildings and skyscrapers around you.

It’s a nice scenic view from where you and Jungkook both stand, but you’re more so concentrated on trying to read the demon’s expression, so unused to seeing his handsome face pinched into something that isn’t cheeky or teasing in nature. The sight of it mellows you out, thinking that perhaps there really is a much more serious meaning to his question. After a few moments, Jungkook speaks again, his voice low and gravelly with an unknown emotion.

“You and I both know that Jimin doesn’t have that much time left as your guardian. And you and I both know what that will mean when the time comes.”

Ah, there it is.

Your chest suddenly feels as if a weight has nestled itself on it at the sobering statement. Every once in a while, that fact has crept into your thoughts but each time it did, you had always pushed it aside; for more pressing matters at the moment and simply because…. You don’t want to think about it. You don’t want to think about the limited time you have left to spend with Jimin and that at any moment, he’ll tell you he’s leaving or even worse, he’ll simply be gone without a word or trace, and you’ll just have to move on with your life.

“Y-Yeah…I know.” You struggle to work around the constricting feeling, fingers fiddling with the strap of your bag. “I…I just don’t like thinking about it.”

You glance over when Jungkook doesn’t give you a response, only to meet his deep brown gaze already on you with a look that tells you to elaborate. Your face flushes again at having to divulge your inner most feelings but as you had come to realize earlier, this means a lot to Jungkook so you feel obligated to give a (much more) honest answer. Swallowing, your eyes fall onto anywhere but at the demon beside you.

“You better not tell him this…” You can’t help muttering petulantly before starting, “Jimin….He’s done a lot for me — things that I can’t even express my thanks for in words. I don’t know if he told you or if you found out, but he got me tickets to go see BTS.”

“So I’ve heard…”

A small smile creeps up on your lips at the memory, recalling all the emotions you felt on that day. “I honestly didn’t expect him to; I even said I didn’t want his help in scoring tickets the first time he offered but then, he just goes and…gets them.” You shake your head. “He really didn’t have to you know? I mean, it would’ve sucked that I didn’t get to go but I would’ve gotten over it somehow, eventually. So for him to go out of his way, doing something that I’m sure was beyond his contract as my temporary guardian is…. “ You trail off, not knowing if you can find the words or if there really is any to describe how grateful you are because Jimin giving you those tickets meant more than just being able to see BTS, he’s given you a shoulder to cry on (quite literally), listened to your deepest worries that you seldom talk about even to your closest friends and given you his honest advice and support. He’s looked out for you in little ways when there are times he could’ve chosen not to, made sure you ate, slept and took time for yourself.

He showed you that there is a sort of hope that all things will pass and good things will come in time. You don’t know when it happened, but Jimin had become a great source of comfort for you, something irreplaceable and someone who had made you want to do better, take chances and just…live a little.

“He might not like to admit it, but Jimin’s a lot sweeter than he lets on… Or at least, when he deems you worthy of being in his good books.” You let out a light laugh, already picturing his stink eye at the mention of him being remotely ‘good’. From beside you, you hear Jungkook snort.

“I really want to repay him somehow…. And not just for giving me tickets to see BTS. But I don’t think there’s anything I can do or give that would be enough and that… that frustrates me.” You conclude, your own voice dropping into a wistful murmur as you lean against the railings.

Jungkook watches you, seeing the faraway glassy look in your eyes that tells him how lost in thought you were. He sees the way your face seems to soften, heard the way your voice had grown quieter in the gentle way you had spoken of Jimin and though it had not been much, Jungkook’s heard all the things you’ve left unspoken.

It’s the same whenever Jimin speaks about you.

He scoffs quietly under his breath, defeated.

“H-Hey! Don’t leave me!” You yelp, breaking out of your train of thoughts just in time to catch the creak and rustle of Jungkook descending the small steps to continue the walk down the pathway which had been lit up by little post lights along the ground. You hurry after him, not wanting to risk being stranded on this tall high-rise office building that you have no business being in. “You still never told me why you’re asking me this all of a sudden.”

“…Just think of it as a warning for what’s to come.” Jungkook says simply. “It won’t be easy, and you’re only making it harder on yourself by becoming attached.”

You stiffen, the grip on your bag strap tightens as your steps slow a bit to a drag, kicking up the small stones as you go. “I…I know that… I just…” You sigh heavily, shoulders sagging. “I’ll deal with it when the time comes alright?”

It’s a pathetic answer even to your ears, but as much as you want to ignore the elephant in the room, Jungkook’s right. There’s no stopping Jimin from leaving you once he gets the okay from heaven — it’s heaven for crying out loud, who goes against the words of God? Besides, who’s to say Jimin would want to stick around you if given the chance. Maybe it’s just you that’s clinging onto him because of all he’s done for you…. But can you really blame yourself for that? He’s done so much and yet you could do nothing —

You nearly stop walking altogether, realization hitting you like a ton of bricks. Unknowingly you’ve come full circle to the one thing that had been fixated on your mind ever since you’ve thought about it and now… Now you’re starting to think that maybe, unconsciously, you’ve already decided on what it is that you wanted to do.

Your faltering steps catches Jungkook off guard when he notices you weren’t following him, making him turn around to see that you in a way he could only describe as a lightbulb going off in your head.

“What, forgot you left the stove on at home?” Jungkook asks, one eyebrow raised.

You blink back to reality, taking a moment to process what he said before shaking your head. “No, no…Just remembered something…”

He gives you a weird look before shrugging and you fall back into step with him again. Eventually, the two of you reach a sort of dead end where there is fewer plants and an open space that reminded you more of a sand garden instead. Patches of shrubbery still dot around in this spacious area but all that appears here is a stepping stone path that leads to a bench situated under a large tree. It’s significantly bigger than the small maples that you had seen walking around the gravel pathway but it still only had a few small green leaves scattered sparsely on its branches, seeing as how spring has only just begun. Along with the LED lamp lights stuck into the ground along the pathway, the space is also lit up by fairy lights that outline the border of this part of the garden that you had no doubt would make for a great place for a romantic date.

It’s nice, you think idly as you admire your surroundings, if only this was a public place and not on some rich asshole’s building, you would’ve loved to come back here just to find a peace of mind every once in a while. Your eyes wander back to Jungkook, finding him standing under the tree, head tilted back to stare up at the thick trunk. As you approach him, you see him reach out a hand to touch the rough bark in quiet contemplation and as if sensing you behind him, he speaks without turning.

“You’re a good kid poppet — and I’m kinda starting to see why Jimin hadn’t locked you in a basement for the duration of his community service hours just to get it over with.”

“Uhh….thanks? I guess…” You reply, bewildered but strangely reassured.

“Make sure you don’t lose that good head of yours in the future, yeah?” Jungkook says amicably but you can’t help to think that there is something deeper to his well-meaning words. When he turns to you, you nod regardless and it’s enough to have the corner of Jungkook’s lips lift in a half smile filled with something you can’t quite discern in the shadows that fall across his face. It’s gone before you can really pin it down as Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, pushing the thick locks out of his eyes and gestures with his chin at you.

“C’mon, I’ll take you home before your guardian chews my head off.”

-

“I already told you; we’ll meet tomorrow at midnight, I’ll pay you half of the money and then the other half when we’re done.” Jimin grinds out between his teeth, clutching his phone so tightly he fears he’ll end up cracking the device. The person on the other shoots off more bullshit that Jimin could care less about and with a hard roll of his eyes, he ends the call abruptly, the boiling irritation makes his skin feel hot. He runs a hand through his hair out of habit, mussing the brunette strands until they fall slightly parted against his forehead.

If he hadn’t known better, Jimin thinks being smited would’ve been way less painful than what he’s gotten himself into. But then again, it’s pretty fucking hard to find a reliable informant in the black market on ways to transition himself into a guardian angel. Or at least, that’s what he hopes would happen. Jimin lets out a scathing laugh, finding this all morbidly funny, considering this was the least shadiest option he’s found in his day and a half manhunt after getting Jungkook to help him was a bust.

No matter, Jimin’s come into terms that he’s willing to bet everything he has at a shot of this. He’s not willing to wait around and let some higher being decide his fate if he so can help it because for the first time in in his life, this is something he’s willing to fight for.

And if this all goes to shit….

Well, he at least likes to think he’s a decent gambler.

Taking the crystal glass in his hands, Jimin knocks back the drink with ease, letting the smokey aftertaste linger on his palate as he licks his lips. When he sets the glass down, he bristles, suddenly aware of an all too familiar presence beside him.

“If you’re here to berate me, then save your breath because you’re not going to change my mind.”

Jimin hears a loud sigh and then suddenly the bartender scurries over from having been waved down by the younger. Not long after, a second glass of whiskey is placed before them, making Jimin quirk an eyebrow.

Jungkook takes a healthy swig of the drink, grimacing as he swallows. He turns to Jimin who looks at him with open curiousity.

“Last I remember you don’t like whiskey.”

“I don’t like a lot of things brother,” Jungkook corrects, dark eyes trained on the way he swirls the liquor in his glass absentmindedly. “And as much as I don’t like what you’re planning to do, I’d rather not have you doing something even more dangerous for it.” He inhales deeply, as if after much deliberation, finally turning his attention to Jimin, a hard look marring his face.

“That’s why I’ll tell you — I’ll tell you what you need to do to become a guardian angel.”

[wordsandshawn]

Before Now - chapter 11

previous chapters

11.

A couple of days later, Shawn’s gone for work again, so I don’t have to worry about running into him. I don’t bother texting or calling him to ask about what my mom mentioned. I don’t know how to bring it up. Despite how much I want to yell him for talking to his mom about me like I’m a charity case or a lost puppy that needs a home, my ego won’t let me reach out to him.

After a week, I’m convinced that Karen was just being nice by trying to push Shawn into taking me on tour, the poor girl whose life is falling apart and who dropped out of college. Shawn probably agreed enough to placate both of our parents, but he had no intention of actually following through with it.

I had almost forgotten about all of that a week later when I receive an email from Andrew, Shawn’s manager. The email details an offer for a three-month-long position on Shawn’s tour. I’d work as his photographer with more of an emphasis on videography. An entire contract is written up, but he says that it can all be discussed in a meeting if I choose to attend. I’d be traveling with Shawn pretty much nonstop throughout the contract, so all travel expenses are paid for, and I’ll get a paycheck on top of that. In my opinion, a very generous one especially considering I have so little experience doing concert photography. Any reservations I may have had about spending three months following Shawn around are overshadowed completely by the opportunity to get paid to travel the world and take pictures, which is honestly all I’ve ever wanted in life. I just never thought I’d actually get a chance to do it. And I didn’t want it to be because Shawn felt bad for me or because his mom made him do it.

Despite this, I agree to talk to Andrew about it and we schedule a meeting. I was not expecting to see Shawn in this meeting, but he’s the first person I see when I walk in the room that morning. He’s sitting at the head of the big conference table staring down at his phone. There are a few other people in the room besides Shawn and Andrew, and they’re all dressed professionally. I introduce myself to them and they share that this meeting is mostly to discuss my contract and the outlines of the contract since they’ve already seen my work and are interested in hiring me.

I didn’t expect Shawn to be here, seeing as it didn’t seem to have much to do with him at all. What came as even more of a surprise was how involved he was once the meeting began. I was unprepared and unsure of how to even negotiate. Shawn, on the other hand, clearly had some experience with meetings like this one. He was undoubtedly paying attention, and it soon became clear he was looking out for me in terms of the contract. I, obviously, don’t know much about anything to do with working as a photographer for concerts.

If left on my own in the meeting, I probably would have done all of it for free, and I would have slept in the back of a van if I had to, scraping together enough money one way or another to pay for my food. I was not going to be picky or difficult about this. I would take what I could get because in all honesty, I had nothing to offer and experience to gain. Even just being able to write on a future resume that I had photographed Shawn for the duration of an entire tour would give me more credibility than I could get working my ass off on my own. The experience alone provided more than enough incentive to say yes to whatever they asked of me and not ask for more than the absolute bare necessities.

If I didn’t know any better, I could have easily assumed that Shawn was there for me, to get me the best deal. Almost like everything more that I asked for was not coming out of his own income. He sat in the meeting, going over the contract more carefully than even I did, asking questions that I wouldn’t have thought to ask. All I knew about this job was that I was taking photographs, putting together short movies for him to post on Instagram and for them to sell to various sources. That’s all that really mattered to me, but Shawn asked about sleeping arrangements, about hotel rooms for whenever he stayed in hotels. That wasn’t something that was in the contract until Shawn brought it up, and they agreed to write it in. Another thing he inquired about that I hadn’t thought of and wouldn’t have brought up myself was flights. He let them know that if he was flying somewhere, I should too. At first, it didn’t make sense until I realized that some of his shows were on the same landmasses but very far, so Shawn flew, but most of the crew would just travel by road, and if he hadn’t put that stipulation in, I would have been with them, which I wouldn’t have argued about.

I still don’t fully understand how all of this stuff works, but Shawn has to be behind all of this. They sell him, his music, his face, his fame, and the money he makes gets distributed in whatever way to the people who put him out there or back him, or somehow contribute to making this all work. He has to know that everything more he asks for me to be written into the contract is less that he gets at the end of it all. I don’t understand why he’s even taking a chance on me, bothering to bring me onto the tour when I’m really just another expense. But I’m too afraid to ask. My mom always said don’t ever look a gift horse in the mouth. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I know not to ask questions when something comes along just when I need it most.

Other than sitting in the same room and Shawn talking about me and the contract, we don’t talk directly to each other much at all throughout the meeting. I don’t know how to talk to him anymore anyway, and I know it’s better this way. I’ll go on tour with him, but only as his photographer and nothing more. It’s a silent agreement between the two of us, at least I think so. He’s doing it as a favor to our moms, and maybe deep inside he’s doing it as a favor to me, not that I really deserve a favor from him. I don’t want to feel like I owe him anything, but I already feel like I owe him everything. I have to earn my place on this tour, and if I don’t then I can’t stay. I’ve already decided.

Any contact I have with Shawn in the next week before leaving for tour is strictly business. I get the sense that he’s not entirely interested in being friends, and it gives me at least some peace of mind about this all. I’m not the same person I was when we dated, and I’m not the same person I was over a year ago the last time we talked. He doesn’t need to know that or the me I am now. I work for him, so as long as I do my job and take good pictures, my personal life shouldn’t matter.  

I leave a week after the contract is signed. I don’t have much to say goodbye to that I haven’t already said goodbye to. The twins are already moved into their college dorm, and Noah is excited to finally have his shot at being an only child. My mom’s just glad I won’t be sitting on the couch all semester, and my dad, well, he doesn’t really say much.

-

From the very first day of tour, I’m immediately overwhelmed. I have so much to learn. Tour life is so different than anything I’ve ever experienced. I’m not sure how to approach it at first, but then I get caught up in the excitement of getting to shoot and practice photography, and suddenly it becomes all about that. I’ve always had a passion for photography but getting to photograph someone with so much passion for what he’s doing has opened up a whole new world for me. When I’m hidden behind my camera, looking through the lens and waiting to get the perfect shot, I forget anything and everything else.

The traveling is exhausting, but being on the road all the time, and being constantly busy, either traveling or filming or editing leaves little time for me to think or really do anything but work. Healthy or not, it is honestly the only way I’ve learned to cope. Keeping busy like this is the only way I know how to be okay right now.

The first few shows honestly pass in a blur. I’m learning faster than I’ve ever learned anything before, and yet it still seems like I’m not keeping up, not learning fast enough. It’s like being thrown into the deep end of a pool and having to learn to swim. 

None of my photography classes could have even come close to preparing me for this experience. I’m quickly discovering that it really is a full-time job, and I’m exhausted after just the first week. I spend all my time shooting or editing or sleeping. Between the constant traveling, filming, and editing, I really don’t have much left in me by the end of the day. I honestly don’t know how Shawn does what he does, actually getting on stage and performing every night has to be exhausting in itself, not to mention the meet and greets, soundchecks, and press.

The crew has been very welcoming, but it’s hard for me to force myself to open up to them or let myself be included, partially because I’m so busy and exhausted with all the work I’m doing, and also because I’m just not exactly comfortable with them. I’m sure they’re all great people, and it really is just a personal issue, but it’s been hard lately for me to get out of my comfort zone any more than I’ve already been pushed by coming on this tour. 

It feels safer to just keep to myself. I hate to admit it, but it also probably has to do with the fact that Shawn’s team is predominantly male, at least the people who I come into contact with most. Even though they invite me to hang out with them, I’m not exactly in a place where I want to be surrounded by alcohol and dudes. And hanging out with Shawn is practically out of the picture. Not that he’s going out of his way to invite me to hang out with him, but the mobs of people he tends to attract genuinely freak me out even though I’d never want to admit it out loud.

I find that most of the time I spend with Shawn, I’m hiding behind my camera. It’s my way of protecting myself from getting close to anyone here. I’ve never been the type of person to document everything, but all of a sudden, it’s my job and I’m clinging to the security of the camera more than ever I thought I would.

It’s our first night in a hotel since the start of tour a week ago. When we finally get there, I go straight to my room, excited to have my own space for the first time in a week. Its already nearly midnight. I thought I was exhausted, but once I get to my hotel room. The reality hits me that I’m all alone, and I can’t fall asleep. I guess there’s something comforting about the feeling of the bus bumping along through the dark on a freeway headed somewhere. I’ve grown used to the rocking of the bus and the tiny space in my bunk where I sleep pressed up against the wall. Now, the large hotel bed in the middle of the room that appears way too big for just one person isn’t as welcoming as I expected it to be. I thought I’d sleep like a baby, it being my first night in a real bed in over a week, but much to my disappointment, I tossed and turned for over an hour before finally deciding to give up on sleeping at all.

If I can’t fall right to sleep, I don’t really want to just lay in the dark. Lately, I’ve found it hard to sleep, especially because I find myself waking up in the middle of the night because of nightmares. At least in the bus, I can hear all the normal sounds, and I can quickly remind myself of where I am, of how far I am from where I used to be. I have never felt alone on the bus because I’m never really alone. Even though I don’t talk to the band a whole lot or see Shawn much, it is comforting knowing that I am surrounded by so many people who are all sleeping peacefully. I can tell because someone is always snoring. When I wake up from nightmares on the bus, I press myself up against the wall, trying to force my pounding heart to slow. As I lay there in the dark, the moving bus brings me comfort and eventually, my breathing evens out enough for me to fall back asleep.

Tonight, there are no sounds except the occasional sound of footsteps walking down the hallway and the muffled sounds of talking or doors closing. I turn the light on and decide to do some editing, since sleep seems to be off the table. Its nearly three am and sleep still hasn’t come. I’m feeling lonelier than ever. I know that most of the crew went out tonight, since we have an off day tomorrow. I opted to stay in, thinking I might be able to catch up on sleep since I haven’t slept well in so long. Now that I realize I can’t even sleep, I’m starting to regret not going out. At the very least, I could be drunk right now. And if I’m forced to be awake, I’d rather be intoxicated.

When I finally can’t take the being alone anymore, I grab my laptop, pull a sweatshirt on over my tank top, and head down to the lobby. Even if I’m still going to be alone, at least there are other people there. I settle into a sofa and watch tired-looking people come and go while I try to get some work done.

I’ve been engrossed in my editing for a while when I finally look up because I see movement. The lobby has been pretty empty for a while considering it’s the middle of the night, but I notice a couple. I’m about to go back to my work, not thinking much of them at first when the guy makes me take a closer look. When I do, I realize it’s Shawn and a girl I’ve never seen before. I know I shouldn’t be surprised. I assumed that he hooked up before, and even often, but I never really thought about having to see him and his girl for the night. I quickly look back down, hoping that he won’t notice me. Luckily, the elevator opens and the two of them disappear inside without a glance in my direction.

After they’re gone, I turn back to edit, but my mind is everywhere else. Of course, Shawn goes out and brings girls back to his hotel room. He’s a twenty-one-year-old musician who also happens to look like a model. I try not to think about it, but there’s a feeling that’s made it's home in the pit of my stomach since seeing Shawn and whoever it was he took upstairs. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know why I feel it, but I close my laptop and return to my room, hoping morning will come quickly.

.

Chapter 12

[precure-stuff]

Aikatsu On Parade Rewrite Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

READ CHANGES TO CANON IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST ONE:

Raki acquires the Constellation PR by studying Amahane’s design method with Sena.

Magic Blood performs Ragtime of The Moonlit Night is performed

Reflect Moon perform in their Jeweling Dresses

Aoi, Shion and Ako act together·      

Raki and Sora are good friends(Designers)·      

The Christmas live is Hello Winter Love (Raki. Hinaki. Lily. Juri. Maika. Ichigo)

Mirai, Kaede and Hibiki are in a unit called Dynamo

Raki works on the Jeweling PR for a week before getting Alicia’s approval

Seira and Rola tie in a rock contest

Hime and Mizuki perform Start Line in episode 20

Episode 21- Lucky Arrival

After the duo stage the popularity of 4 Star and Starlight shoots up. Despite the fact that Mizuki and Hime aren’t in school anymore, people wanted to see the idol schools they went to. This leads to the two schools receiving an influx of applications. Madoka invites Raki to help her give the tour as Rin overslept and Raki rushes to Starlight. When she arrives, Madoka is nowhere to be found. Instead, Raki finds Nono and Risa. Raki goes up to them and says she can sense they’re great idols but she can’t recognize them. They smile and claim that they’ll introduce themselves the only way they know how.

Nono and Risa perform Promise Carat. Nono wears the Black Denim Dolly Coord and Risa wears the Romantic Bijoux Coord. The live gathers a small crowd who clap. Risa blushes and hides behind Nono who poses. Raki asks them why she’s never seen them and they mention that they live in Hokkaido and went back there for a while. “There’s actually another pair of idols we’re waiting for.” Cut to a gazebo with two figures sitting in it.

“The entire world revolves around…” Kokone rushes out of the gazebo to meet Nono and Risa. Miyabi stands gracefully and lets Raki know who they are. “When we heard about Starlight being famous we remembered we were students here too!” Raki says she’s never seen an idol like Miyabi before. Kokone spots group of girls on tour and rushes toward them.

“Kokone, wait!” Miyabi ran after her, “We were supposed to look for Sakura together. Kokone has the girls do her catchphrase and performs Love Like Caramelize. Nono, Risa and Raki find her at the end of her performance. Raki rushes up to Kokone and she takes her along to the next group of girls. Raki stops her and says that Miyabi needs her. Kokone apologizes and rushes back. Miyabi sighs and goes to the Starlight Queen Palace. They find Akari decorating it in preparation for that part of the tour. Akari greets them all and offers them cake which Kokone and Raki happily indulge in. Miyabi asks where they can find Sakura and is told to look at the track field.

Miyabi, Kokone and Raki walk toward the tracks and find Sakura meditating there. “I’ve been waiting for this.” She says as she stands up.  Miyabi walks to face her and the two pull out their cards as if they are about to duel. “Wait!” Raki cries. She asks if she can perform with them and Miyabi and Sakura ask if she’ll be able to keep up. Raki shows them her Red dress design (the one in her sketch not the promotional cards. See the image below for reference) The three perform Light Pink Day Tripper but only Sakura and Miyabi do the appeal. One the song is over, Sakura and Miyabi face each other with a smile but Raki seems sullen. Kokone asks her what’s wrong but Raki forces a smile. The episode ends with a shot of the clover in Raki’s sketchbook.

Episode 22- Going Our Way

4Star’s tour is underway and starts with all the aspiring applicants and fans watching an interview with the old S4 (Hime, Yozora, Yuzu, Tsubasa) This brings back the purple cloud mascot that interviewed them in Aistars season 1. Backstage, Yume, Rola, Koharu, Mahiru and Ako are sitting in a dressing room. They’re in a circle holding hands with their eyes closed as the music in the background fades out. The opening plays.

After the S4 interview we get a shot of the crowd where we spot Saya, Natsuna and Sumomo. Natsuna is in a bad mood and Saya and Sumomo brought her to see Rola but she hasn’t appeared yet. The crowd disperses and Natsuna runs up on stage toward Tsubasa. Tsubasa panics and pushes Natsuna away but Hime catches her. Yuzu reassures her with a smile and Yozora asks, “Are you lost?” She looks at Natsuna’s jacket and notices a Spice Chord accessory. Tsubasa walks up to her and squats.

“If you like Spice Chord then-” Tsubasa is cut short by Saya and Sumomo’s arrival.

They explain things to Tsubasa and she sighs, “I see, Rola is currently occupied but I promise you’ll meet her today. I’ll give you three a personal tour for now.” Tsubasa takes the girls around and stops once they get to the balcony. Natsuna hasn’t said a word and Tsubasa asks to be left alone with her. After a few seconds of silence, Natsuna says that she’s been chasing after Rola for the past year.

“I’ve never really seen idols like me but Rola was. She wore clothes like I did and sang songs I wanted to sing too,” Natsuna whispers. Tsubasa smiles and stares at the sky.

“When I was younger, I wanted to be the top of Song Class. When Akari was younger, she wanted to be just like Ichigo. Being inspired by others is a beautiful thing, but you should remember that you’re a star on your own. Even my Spice Chord and hers are different. So will yours.” Natsuna seems unconvinced. Tsubasa shows her the Girl’s Flag Coord. Natsuna’s eyes light up. She sashays off and beckons Natsuna to follow her. We get to see Dancing Days.

Natsuna finally understands and tells Tsubasa that she can take her back to Sumomo and Saya. Tsubasa takes her to the dressing room just as Yume and Rola walk out. Saya and Sumomo as Rola walks toward her. Natsuna stands shyly behind Tsubasa.

“Do you love Spice Chord?” Rola asks. Natsuna’s eyes meet hers. She nods shyly.

“Rola, we’re up on stage.” Yume reminds her.

“Just a minute Yume.” Rola rushes back into the dressing room and brings out her bag. She hugs Natsuna and gives her the Black Shadow Coord and rushes onto stage. Natsuna blushes as she holds the cards and Saya and Natsuna take her back to the crowd to watch the stage. The five Stars girls stand in the Dressing Room and make a star shape with their fingers before appearing on stage to perform We Are Stars in the event coords above

Episode 23- A Girl like Me

 This episode starts in Tamaki’s office. Tamaki is watching footage of one of Raki’s recent concerts. As Raki sings ‘Your Entrance’ when suddenly her aura disappears. Tamaki’s eyes widen as she watches Raki finish the performance. She turns to Sora and Koharu across the desk. “Is this the first time this has happened?”

“No, I’m afraid not,” Koharu says, “Recently, Raki hasn’t been herself.”

“Yes,” Sora adds, “She lost her way somehow and isn’t designing as she usually does.”

Tamaki places her head on her hands and sighs. “This is something much deeper than dresses. Whatever is going on is something Raki feels about herself.”

*Opening plays*

We cut to Raki’s room as she stares at a blank page of her sketchbook. Madoka and Rin sit outside with PP and Wakaba. Akari, Ichigo and Yume arrive in a car and join them at Star Harmony. Koharu lays out the situation for all of them. “We need to cheer Raki up. Whatever made her want to design clothes seems to have stopped and she can’t perform. She isn’t the same as she used to be.” Wakaba suggests that they show her their Aikatsu Cards as the rest remain silent. Yume and Akari turn to Ichigo who has a stern look on her face. Koharu follows Yume’s eyes to Ichigo as well.

“She needs to find her rice scoop.” Ichigo remarks, “Whatever made her an idol…she knows it herself.”

“In that case,” Koharu says, “We’re all going to help her remember that.” Rin and Madoka head off to Starlight looking for Juri. If anyone knew passion, it would be her. Koharu and Yume went to Venus Ark and Wakaba went to Raki’s room. Ichigo and Akari left last and no one knew where they went.

At Venus Ark, Yume and Koharu begged Elza to come see Raki. Yume stepped forward and clasped her hands “You inspired her very first PR. You let me surpass my own limits! Elza please!” Elza’s gaze remained cold and she stood up to face the sea.

“If she can’t get over a simple rut then she should reconsider being an idol.” Elza said.

Koharu huffed and straightened her shoulders, “If I hadn’t helped you as a designer would you be where you are now?” Elza turns in disgust. Koharu doesn’t flinch and pulls out her own sketchbooks. She lays it on Elza’s desk and flips through the designs she had for Perfect Queen. “Elza, even you needed help. Right now Raki needs you and you should be there.” The scene ends

Wakaba and Raki are sitting on her bed talking about their families. Wakaba mentions that she misses them as she’s been so busy as an idol but knows they understand. Raki smiles lightly as Juri bursts in with Rin and Madoka. Raki is shocked as Juri showers her with roses. “I’m told someone here is feeling down” (I’m not including the Spanish because I don’t speak it so I can’t do it well) Rin tells her to calm down. Madoka offers Raki a candy pop. She stares at it for a while and curls up. “You’re all such good idols and I’m glad I met you but-I’m not sure I can be that.”

We see a flashback of Raki and her sister. Raki first tried to dress like her sister and emulate her style. We see a small Raki in her sister’s labcoat. As Raki grows older she starts to dress more like herself and gets the idea for Maple Ribbon. Her sister supports this and we see Raki receiving her Aikatsu Pass. As this memory plays in Raki’s head we see her eyes light up a little.

In the Starlight Palace Akari nods as she chairs a Starlight Queen meeting. Otome, Sakura and Mizuki are in a circle as Ichigo watches. Mizuki stands. “I may not know her well but I can’t stand by and watch an idol lose her way.”

“Do you think we’re doing too much?” Ichigo asks, “I don’t want us to smother Raki.” Otome shakes her head furiously but Sakura stops her.

“Raki’s been this way for a while,” Sakura starts, “Ever since her stage with me and Miyabi…she wanted to see all sorts of idols but I’m not sure she knows what she wants to be herself. She’s shifted between all sorts of looks and has done a little of everything.”

“She can be whatever idol she needs to be. We just need to remind her.” Mizuki says and Akari decides to end the meeting.

Madoka receives a text message and asks Raki to go to the stage in Star Harmony. The message says that Raki should go alone and she does. Wakaba looks worried. As she enters the empty seats, she notices Ichigo standing in the spotlight. “Raki,” she says, “We know that something’s wrong but we don’t know what. We want you to know whatever idol you’ll be we’ll all support you.” Four more lights appear. “And so prepare to see four idols who came into their own just like you will.”

Sweet Sweet Girls Talk starts playing. The stage is a garden with a gazebo and tea cups. It’s very flowery and elegant. The Starlight Queens appear. Otome wears the Cotton Color Coord, Akari wears the Rose Party Coord, Mizuki wears the Moon French Coord and Sakura wears the Noble Coord.

As the stage ends, Ichigo invites Raki on stage. She takes the mic (It’s the same one from the Ichigo movie) “I’m grateful you all did this for me.” The other girls walk in, revealing they were listening to the performance, “I started designing to make clothes I wanted to wear. I want Maple Ribbon to be something girls like me can wear.” She takes a pause and looks around the room. “But I’m a girl who wants to wear whatever she likes. All sorts of clothes exist in my brand. Thank you for reminding me I don’t have to be anything to make it.”

The episode cuts to black but lights up as we get Idol Activity(All Stars Version) in the Shining Line Coords. During the performance we cut to scenes of Raki interacting with the other protagonists.

Episode 24- Lucky Time

The episode starts with Honey Cat decorating Star Harmony. We see Reflect Moon giving readings to the Star Harmony students. In a dressing room Raki and Wakaba are having their hair done by Sora and Mahiru. There’s an event going on named Lucky Time. Crowds begin to gather and Hariu checks the tickets. As the crowd comes on stage, we see that Pure Palette are the MCs. They thank the audience for coming and mention that Honey Cat will start the event.

You X I plays. They perform in their first Friends Dresses with their Miracle Aura. After that Maika and Ema mention that they’re here today to help two girls to form their own Friends. Wakaba and Raki walk on stage and the crowd begins to cheer. Raki and Wakaba reveal that their Friends unit is Clover Ring. Mirai blushes as she and Karen hold hands in the crowd. Raki gives a short speech about how far she’s come. She thanks Wakaba for being there for her and they run backstage to the Dressing Rooms. Raki wears the Pastel Purple Line Coord and Wakaba wears the Cherry Link Coord.  They sing Aikatsu Friends. The rest of the episode has Raki and Wakaba climb a mountain and sit together at the top as they watch the sunset together

Episode 25- Venus Dream

 The episode starts on Venus Ark. Aria and Carol Alice stand watching the sea as Rey walks out to meet them. “Elza wants to speak to you,” They walk into Elza’s office as Alice adjusts her bonnet.

“Alice! I placed my trust in you once and you failed me. Right now Venus Ark needs you more than ever. We must catch up to the other schools so all Venus Ark students simply must debut.” She pushes a letter forward. Alice picks it up and smiles. “Isn’t that the brand you admire?” Alice nods. “Very well. Aria, take her to the muse.” Rey sees them out of the room. The opening plays (This would be Twilight Etranger with scenes of everyone)

Aria rows the mini-boat Elza gave them but they’re making no progress. Carol admits she’s never rowed a boat and Aria said she did so with Hime as a child. Carol swirls her hand in the water. They drift vaguely along the sea as Aria places flowers in the water. “This way we won’t get lost.” Aria says. Carol sighs as the sun continues to burn intensely. Aria lets her hair down and starts humming her song. Carol joins her and they hum together to lighten the mood. As they sing and drift at sea, a third voice joins them. They turn in horror only to see Mirai in a floating tube. She waves at them and swims over. Karen stands over her own ship at the dock and has them brought in.

Alice and Aria sit by a white table in a small room with wide windows letting the sunlight in. After being refreshed Karen asks them why they were drifting at sea. Aria mentions that they were on their way to the ship. Mirai tells them it was a strange way to get there. Carol covers her face and stands before Karen.

“I- I’d like to wear… Classical Ange.” She stammers.

“Hmmm,” Karen holds her chin. “So this is what Raki’s Pass has brought about,” She steps forward and uncovers Carol Alice’s face. “You’re clearly a beautiful girl Alice. A graceful lady who should wear fitting clothes.” Karen takes her hand and rushes over to the desk. Aria smiles as well. Karen gives Alice the cards for the Mermaid Blue Coord. Carol takes the cards and places to them on her chest.

“Thank you, for believing in me.” Alice says. Karen takes them back to Star Harmony and announces that she will be sharing her brand with a Venus Ark student. News spreads back to Elza who is furious.

“Why couldn’t she bring her here? Rey, we can’t let ourselves be left behind.” Elza storms out and makes her way to Star Harmony.  Rey makes sure to alert the press that royalty was on the move. Elza steals the show and has her staff spread Venus Ark banners over the halls she walks through. Raki and Wakaba see this and mention that they’re not surprised. After walking around a bit, Elza demands that Alice be brought to her. In the meantime, she sits on a makeshift throne with Rey standing guard.

Alice walks towards Elza and meets her eyes. Elza is taken aback. Alice had never done that. She had a certain poise in her walk. Rey blushes and comments that it seems as though she’s gliding. Alice tells Elza that she wants to show her a performance worth seeing. Elza nods as she tries to hide how proud she is of her.

Aria and Alice rush to the Dressing Room. Aria wears the Nadeshiko New Year Coord and Alice wears the Mermaid Blue Coord(pictured on the left). Pirouette of the Forest Light starts playing as Aria sings the first line. Alice joins in and as the tune plays her aura appears. Six blue candles rotate around her with gold stands. Blue jewels and purple lilies float around her. The appeals are Angel Garden and Star Heartful World. As the show ends Elza congratulates Alice and gives her a hug. The episode ends

[leah-halliwell92]

Sex, Love & Rock ‘n’ Roll

Request by @ohmybribri​: So you and Brian are FWB and you hook up after a concert in the bathroom. He pins you up against the wall, lifts your skirt and had his way with you... 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Another day, another concert. That’s how it had been since you’d joined the boys on the second leg of there American tour. According to Freddie, Brian had been a bit of a pain since leaving home because all he would talk about was you. You doubted that very much laughing off as he walked you to the cab he came in to pick you up. 

You expected for the rest of the boys to be there but was reassured by Fred that they were at the hotel catching up on much needed sleep. That and trying to keep Brian busy considering you are his birthday surprise from Fred, and the boys, to him. 

“I swear on my mum (Y/N) he’s been driving all of us mad!” Fred said being as physically emphatic as he could in the cramped space of the cab stating that, “He really needs to shut up about his girl if he’s so set on not telling her his feelings.”

You refrained from rolling your eyes at that and focused on the speeding scenery. There’s no way Brian sees you that way...they way you see him. 

You met Brian at Uni he needed a hand understanding Shakespeare. You were working on getting your major in child psychology and a double minor in art and English lit. Through Brian you met the rest of the band and was soon part of their rag-tag family which suited you just fine, more than fine even. You and Brian made great friends and soon found the effort they needed to put into just getting laid to be too great to spend outside of studying and raising a band in Brian’s case. This led to Roger jokingly/drunkenly suggesting you and Bri should, ‘fuck for the sake of fucking’.

At first you’d laughed it off but then found that it wasn’t such a bad idea. You’d been surprised to find Brian at your dorm door giving your silent self-agreement to the friends with benefits idea a try and the rest as they say is history. 

That had been close to three years, give or take, ago. The agreement had just been for sex, we could if we liked date or go on dates and at first it worked great on both sides. He seemed more confident in himself if still a little shy but better at talking to other ladies. You hadn’t realized you’d fallen for him until you saw him at the school’s cafeteria talking to Laura Clark. Your ex-best friend who thought she deserved the world on a gold and pearl studded platter. 

You’d brushed it off at first but that night when he came to you the sex didn't feel like sex per say. It was sex but it felt different...

He was gentler when he caressed you and nibbled at your neck. He’d take his time getting you to completion and sometimes would forgo finishing himself in exchange for giving you pleasure when he knew you’d had a trying day. 

And in turn, you stopped leaving at the crack of dawn. Some of your things made their way into his room, your toothbrush next to his in the bathroom and you’d often wake up to find him somehow tucked under your chin his hair effectively waking you up. That morning had been the morning you realized how good you’d be as a couple. That was the morning you also realized he couldn’t feel the same way...

“We’re here!” You heard Freddie say. 

You smiled at him and nearly choked on spit when you saw Prenter standing outside what you thought is the boys’ room smoking. You didn't like him one bit and Freddie knew that. You were more than a little close to asking Miami if you could take Paul’s place as the band’s PA just to get rid of the leech. 

Anyway...You nodded politely at the Irishman and let Fred walk you into the first of the shared double-rooms to find Deaky downing what looked like crap hotel coffee. 

His tired eyes sparkled and you soon found yourself enveloped in the bassist’s arms. 

“Finally,” he said as he kissed your forehead.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes again knowing where that was coming from and dove into your bag pulling out a gift meant for him from Veronica. 

Deaky resembled a puppy at the sight of the parcel and went to open it in an out fo the way corner of the room.

It was no surprise to find Roger face down on the bed passed out as you thought with a laugh, ‘play my little drummer boy play.’

You shook your head and went into the room Deaky nodded at you leaving Freddie with him. 

You couldn’t help the fond smile that graced your face at the sight of Brian face down and sprawled all over his bed hugging the second pillow to himself. You put your stuff down and stripped down to your light tank and underwear before closing the door. The boys had seen you in your undies before so you weren’t bothered to be seen by them, they’re brothers after all.

That done, you went to the empty side of the bed. You noticed it’s the side you normally slept on back home and grinned tenderly before you began the process sliding under the blanket and trade places with the pillow. You must have been more tired than you thought as the familiarity and warmth of Brian’s arms surrounded you when he subconsciously sought out the now present source of warmth. 

You threw your leg over his thin hips pulling his body close to yours and placing his head under your chin. You hummed and fell asleep quickly as your body and mind recognized that they were finally home. 

You came to to the feeling of gentle calloused fingers caressing your cheek. You kept your eyes closed as Brian ran his fingers over you tenderly before slipping them under the waistband of your underwear. 

You moaned at the feel of his middle finger drawing circles around then over your clit. 

“Good evening (Y/N),” he said as he repeated the hand movement over and over until you gasped and moaned as your completion washed over you. 

Brian looked pleased with himself at having made you cum so quickly but that changed into something softer as he gazed at you as you caught your breath. 

‘To hell with it,’ you thought throwing in the towel, ‘If this is as close as I’m going to get so be it.’

You snuggled into him humming happily and said, “Happy Birthday Bri.”

You felt more than heard him chuckle.

“What?” You asked when you pulled away to look up at him. 

“Thanks dear but that wasn’t the birthday present I was expecting,” he said with a shrug, “Don’t get me wrong, having you here is an amazing unexpected surprise.”

You were about to kick him off the bed in anger when he continued, “There’s this one thing I’ve always wanted to do...”

You listened to what he wanted his present to be and nearly jumped out of bed in glee, tonight’s concert was going to be good.

That night you stood back stage singing along with everyone else as they played. You cheered extra loud when Brian did his solos loving every time he did his thing with his Red Special. For a moment you forgot you were just friends who fucked and let the thought of being his run through your head. 

You cried when they performed “Love of my Life” and applauded when they song ended. 

“He’ll find someone better you know,” you heard Paul say as he took a drag from his cigarette. 

You ignored him focusing on the boys. 

“You're just his friend,” he pressed, “What will you do when he falls for someone? Someone better than a nobody from his hometown.”

That hit you hard, he was right after all but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

You saw him smirk as he saw your face fall. 

You stood straight as a smirk appeared on your face. 

“What’s with the smile?” He asks a bit taken aback with the sudden change of emotion. 

“Fred and I talked on our way to the hotel today,” you said, unbeknownst to you and Paul the concert had finished and the boys were there looking as well as listening to what you were saying, “He said he wants me to the band’s personal assistant.”

He scoffed taking a nervously long drag from his cigarette, “Meaning?”

You smirked and said, “Your fired.”

He coughed at that and said, “You can’t do that!”

“Oh yes she can darling,” Freddie said surprising the both of you.

“Fred,” Paul began. 

“Goodbye Paul,” he said and made his way to the nearest telephone to call Miami and inform him of the sudden change. 

You’d seen the looks of relief and happiness on Roger and Deaky’s faces but before you could say anything else Brian was dragging you away from back stage giving the nearest roady his guitar before pulling you into the nearest empty bathroom and locking the door before laying a hard kiss on your lips. 

Brian reached down and pulled you up to wrap your legs around his waist lifting your skirt up as he continued on kissing you. 

You gasped and moaned as he ran his tongue over hour bottom lip asking for permission. You gladly opened your mouth to him and moaned at the sudden chill that met your crotch as he tore away your underwear. 

He pulled away to work his pants open. 

“Brian–” you began but was interrupted as a moan broke out of you when he entered you. 

The air was filled with moans and grunts as you shifted your hips meeting his pace with every thrust. 

You were close now, so close to cumming when you said, “I love you...make me yours.”

Brian’s eyes lit up at this and he stilled.

“You mean it?” He asked eyes alight with wonder.

“Yes,” you say taking a leap of faith, “I love you Brian Harold May.”

He smiled and his kiss went from hurried and hungry to love filled and tender. 

“Happy birthday to me indeed,” he said with a smirk and made to finish when you heard banging at the door.

“Get a move on lovebirds we want to go eat and sleep!” Roger yelled. 

“Bugger off!” Brian yelled before reluctantly helping you down. 

“Should do as he says,” you say as you fix your skirt, “he won’t leave us alone otherwise.”

He nodded looking every bit a lost puppy. 

“I can warn Deaky and Fred to be out for bit,” you say with a playful smirk. 

Brian pulled you into a loving embrace and kiss suddenly eager to be back at the hotel to finish what was started.