#which is very exciting
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im getting such a good grade in voice lessons
my voice can get low so easily now
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Fell Bullet Heathcliff ...
#found out my PC has gif making software today and I now have far too much power ...#I had a clip with the full animation because that somehow fit the gif time limit but I wanted something a bit shorter#but now I can make gifs for Corrosions and E.G.O for posts ~!#which is very exciting#I may go through and make gifs of all the E.G.O thus far ... that can be my contribution to the fandom /lh /hj#I honestly don't know if anyone's made gifs of all the E.G.O tbh ... I just know it helped me calm down after being something upset me#r: remind my heart to beat 💢#scattered pages
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With the rate this pre calamity fic is going I’m going to have to split it up into chapters. Probably long chapters, but still I think it would be way too easy to get confused reading it just straight with how long it’s getting.
#it’ll probably be a few more months before it’s finished#but after this next plot point I get to write link and Zelda being friends#which is very exciting#because i love them#v says things#fanfic writing#botw#pre calamity
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It’s funny trying to describe my gender to other people. Usually I just go with trans masc nonbinary but that truly does not encompass it in full. I feel a stronger connection to masculinity and would physically like to have the traits associated with men (more hair, flat chest, etc. not that any of that makes you a man but it’s just how I want to present). But I also really enjoy engaging with femininity in certain ways. I want to present male so I can engage with femininity in the way I like. My goal is and always will be gender fuckery.I want to be a flowery whimsical gay boy. I want to look like an ageless gender-confused wizard. I want to have long flowing hair and wear skirts and dresses but also have a beard and body hair and a deep voice. I don’t think I ever intend to pass as a man, or if I do I want to play with fashion and presentation in a way that still centres queerness and rejecting binary gender roles. Something in me just always wants to shout from the rooftops “This is who I am, I will never be erased, I will always be here to show you that there is room to exist outside the boxes we’ve been put in.” Gender presentation as a form of rebellion, as a form of pride, as a beacon to other queer people that they are safe with me. So I guess the best label for me would be “fuck around and find out.”
#I’m thinking a lot about gender today bc I have my first appointment with the gender care clinic#which is very exciting#but also I’m trying to get my thoughts straight about what my goals are#anyway#my ramblings#trans masc nonbinary#gender stuff#if there is a better label for this vibe I’d love to hear it#my gender is I don’t know with a splash of man#but I don’t know in the way of I don’t need to fully know. I’m happy to sit comfortably in doubt and uncertainty
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i have a confession to make, and it’s that i still play neko atsume in the year of our lord 2024 bc i have all of the cats’ mementos EXCEPT for god damned Whiteshadow’s. And i cannot rest until i have it but THIS FUCK JUST WONT GIVE IT TO ME-
#also i heard they are making neko atsume 2#which is very exciting#but now i rly want to get this stupid memento before it comes out#or else i’ll kill myself (in minecraft)#marzimeeps
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no matter what happens my thursday cds get here today so i’m going to be okay 👍
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today on crafts I am doing instead of the work I need to be doing: embroidering another hat
#i have been thinking about this hat in particular for so so long#and i finally am getting around to it#which is very exciting#however#i do have tasks i should be doing instead#corn rambles
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sitting by the computer waiting for our flag means death to be renewed the way a teen of the 90s waited by the landline for their crush to call
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As soon as I can afford a good gaming laptop I’m gonna play ff14
#I just learned that the rabbit people from ff12 are playable#which is very exciting#AND you can play a male one#can’t wait to be a slutty bunny dude
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I'm almost sorta enjoying philosophy again
#which is very exciting#perhaps I'm finally getting over my horrible no good awful experience from grad school#like i watch a lecture from one of my favorite philosophers yesterday and it didn't make me want to die the whole time#i was able to follow along and enjoy it#i caught myself yesterday missing teaching logic#and TA for various political philosophy classes#:3#ben gets personal#watched*#TA-ing*
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all my job interviews for the day = done 😌
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#the easiest chunk I’ve written so far?#which is very exciting#but also concerning#like what’s wrong with the rest of it?#1000 words of summer#mini1000wordsofsummer#was this day 7?#is tomorrow day 7?#doesn’t matter#I’ll be writing anyway#just probably annoying tumblr less about it
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So last week was a first for me! I'd been talking with a friend about some things I'd been interested in but never fully experimented with because of the whole, you know..."vanilla is the only way to be in life" thing the Church likes to preach. She offered to do some ropework, I agreed, we had a lot of fun.
This week, I bought myself an iced coffee while waiting for my mom to get done with a doctor's appointment, and drank it while I was driving her home. Neither of us commented on it, and I didn't feel super anxious after either.
Very tame ropework beneath the cut:
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I’m so not in the mood to have a psychiatrist appointment tonight.
#the good news is after tonight i'll most likely be going down another step on the lithium#which is very exciting#i want to get off of it so badly#but i don't feel like doing psychoanalysis tonight#she's a pretty classic psychoanalytic doctor and it's very intense and difficult work#and i'm not in the mood
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Guess who's getting VACCINATED THIS WEEK
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What if I learn to make fanvids just so I can make some for the Untamed?
#jk#unless#knacc chats#I probably won't but there is enough of it that I'm almost certain I can make the videos I want#which is very exciting#so who knows#I have two to three videos I want to make already it's getting out of hand up here in my brain
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