#which is to say that all of this is very sassy and catty

[laniusbignaturals]

Joshua’s literal entire role within the Mormon church was to get people to become Mormons and recreate the cult tactics he grew up suffering under. And he projects that status onto Edward, as someone who entraps others into getting enveloped in a culture of cruelty they don’t initially understand. Which is really easy, accepted between them even, because Edward is in reality the most habitually dishonest human being you’ll ever meet, five hundred lies in a skinsuit that refuse to even pay attention to how the flesh shell they’re puppeteering works. He’s willfully self-ignorant. But that truth itself is one he can’t accept, and gets projected onto the people Edward attaches himself to. Usually Joshua, especially after he has him thrown him down a ravine. Joshua lied to him. Somehow. For thirty years. He didn’t just disappoint him, he misled him, he was pretending to be a whole other being. Everyone who isn’t Caesar is a liar, because if they’re not, then there’s something, ugh, wrong with him. Both by virtue of the fact that they aren’t behaving like him and of the fact that he expected them to behave as duplicitous, unreliable, out to get him. We’re all actors babbling bullshit for our own gain, right? It’s not just him. It can’t just be him.

[anogete]

Hi. Update of random shit in case anyone cares.

The scary test I was stressed over in the fall when I was posting my last fic? It was the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) exam. Yes, I passed it. The designation requires a bachelor's degree, so I had to go back to school to finish my last 10 classes. Then I had to take 7 more classes that are pre-reqs for the exam. Then I spent probably 700 hours attempting to cram everything you could think of related to personal finance (my god, there is a metric shit ton) into my head. The designation also requires 5,000 hours of experience in the planning field (which I thankfully already had). By the time I passed the test, I was no longer proud of the accomplishment, just relieved to have it behind me.

Work was intensely busy in November and December. I got little reading and no writing done.

I have a WIP featuring the Darcy/Rumlow pairing that has been languishing on my computer since 2020. To be honest, I've mosty forgotten what the conflict driving the plot was going to be. I think I was trying to tie it into the events of Wandavision. Took place after the show and had Monica Rambeau and Darcy kinda sorta working together and trying to figure out what, if anything, crossing the barrier that Wanda had thrown up did to them. Of course, Rumlow is alive and scarred and back with the good guys. And also really annoyed that his recent gunshot wound stuck him on desk duty watching the nerds complete their physicals as part of employee onboarding. Darcy doesn't want to have gym class with Rumlow, and Rumlow doesn't want to be there either but he's also kinda into the sassy brunette who tried to sweet talk him into passing her without making her run a mile. In the chapter or two I did write, the banter between Darcy and Rumlow was so fun, so I'd love to go back to it and try to move it along.

I got sucked into reading Draco/Hermione fanfic recently. Blame those damn Snow edits from the latest Hunger Games movie. Guys, I have never read those books or seen the movies, but blonde Tom Blyth is looking like the fanfic Draco of my dreams. How dare. This rabbit hole led to me deciding I needed to write a Dramione piece. It's maybe 6 pages and has gone nowhere even though I have a vague idea of the plot. My muse is struggling.

I found my old folder of all the fic I wrote in the past 20 years. There are still a couple hockey fics I haven't posted to AO3. There are also Anita Blake fics (I was a hardcore Anita/Edward girlie) and Harry Potter fics (don't cancel me but I used to write Snape/Hermione; NO student/teacher stuff though). I think I have an old Doctor Who fic featuring Nine/Rose (yes, I'm a Nine girlie). And a very old Forgotten Realms fic that paired Catti-Brie up with Jarlaxle. Look, I don't know. It was ages ago. With the exception of the hockey fics, I do not think any of these are of the same quality I've posted on AO3, but I've been toying with the idea of trying to clean them up and posting them so more of my work is archived together instead of spread over various fan sites. Does anyone have any interest at all in reading this shit? Like, at all?

I decided 2024 is going to be my book binding era. I bound isthisselfcare's Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love a couple weeks ago. I did all the typesetting with the help of some macros. Printed it, folded the signatures (the booklets that comprise the book), sewed them together with waxed linen thread, glued the text block together with some mull, and used chip board and book cloth to make the case. It feels and looks like a book, y'all! I could do a better job with lining the signatures up when punching the holes for sewing and with the measurements on the case, but overall I am pretty proud of it. If anyone is interested, I can link a nice tutorial series on TT and/or post progress pictures I took during my book binding experiment. I have to say, it's exciting to have the ability to put my fav fanfics on my physical bookshelf.

[tokyopewpew]

Veilguard Breakdown Pt 2

Going deeper into each companion, their quests. Factions, Cameos, and some writing stuff. SPOILERS ABOUND, read at your own risk.

These are still mostly chronological notes reacting real time to quests and characters:

I had some HOT opinions on some early game stuff. Solas' comment on abhorring blood magic, some comments on the elves and how the Veil Jumpers were so on board with denouncing their gods. My finger shot up to "well actually" very quickly but I kept playing and they addressed them. They clarify like a little later and I think that's something I and a lot of other people have gotten bad at: being patient with writing.

Now don't get me wrong, there is a lot of bad writing out there that won't address stuff that is important.

But we gotta trust sometimes that we won't get a wall of exposition right away. That we'll get a line that makes us go, huh that's interesting I want to know more about that. And wait five minutes to naturally come back to it.

AAAAAAAA INKY SHOWS UP! Pretty early! Happy to see them so soon!

BACK AND SO COOL I LOVE THE DIALOGUE BEING A LEADER BEING A HERO

BITCH SHES GETTING DRAWN AS THE GENERAL SHE IS!! SAVING SOUTHERN THEDAS. (I did not disband the Inquisition. I had a Solavellan inquisitor which by the end of Inquisition is fucking beat down into playing the role of The Herald, which I like as a mirror of Solas and his mask of Fen'Harel.)

Damn Solas being a catty sexy sassy bitch saying he tortured a bitch with rumors and laughter. Note from later: THE FUCKING ROLLERCOASTER THEY ROCK YOU ON

everyone is def less bitchy than previous games and not dealing with as much overt racism. Not having a base in “the real world” removes some of that. But despite taking place in cities, not seeing alienages or acknowledging that makes it super different. I’m sure it’s something people will criticize but im ok with Thedas being Nicer™️. Companions are less bitchy but there is tension and conflict but it is like. communicated and resolved super easily. Which i know it’s maybe fun for Alistar and Morrigan to fight and argue but you have to have a character like Morrigan to do that. There aren’t really any catty bitches on the squad. This is a group of professionals hired on a job. They all feel more like coworkers than a found family. Like DA:2 as a group gave me anxiety they would shit on each other so much like you guys should not be friends.

Don’t know what the beef people have with the dialogue. It all works fine for me.

Taash’s gender stuff is a little fast. Baby’s first gender story but it’s still good. They are appealing to wide audience. Still nice to see. I love Maddie’s Mini on tiktok’s comment that like the qun’s gender roles are so progressive they wrap back around to being conservative. Men and women have distinct roles and they WILL trans your gender to fit them. So Taash being non-binary is like the one way to be difficult for her mom to understand about gender.

Solas was a spirit! Imean they all were. with lyrium bodies?? ok guess that’s why y’all are immortal. ugh i love all that implies. He hates having a physical form but learning to love all the sensations that come with it. The body is joy but also horror. The miseries too but food, touch, smell.

omg so cute when harding moved a rock she shakes her hands in the air like woo i did it!

wow took awhile to remember to write notes (I played like 15 hours forgetting to do any notes)

Interesting mix of companion quests! Funny I did the Formless One dragon first so now every subsequent dragon fight has been a breeze.

Harding’s personal quest was an easy choice: push for compassion. She’s so nice. Bellara’s final choice felt disconnected from her “omg it’s my BROTHER” lines. and Neve I didn’t really have a say because i didn’t help Minrathous. I think i got her to be a defender of Dock Town?

Taash and Emmerich’s both are the best, most emotional and RP wise, hardest choices. while I didn’t give a fuck about these side boss characters, Taash’s emotional end with her mom was very impactful. Hezzenkoss’ giant skeleton was super cool visually and MANFREED. I chose to revive him because idk. I think when we’re fighting against immortal gods it’s hard to be like yea do that too Emmerich. But it’s still sad and either way he’s having to confront loss and mortality?? So either way is bittersweet which is GOOD WRITING. Cannot believe people choose lich romanced Emmerich.

Davrin’s quest was very satisfying too! It also felt like an easy choice to have the griffons start a new legacy since that is nice symmetry to his own storyline.

loved getting to run around Villa Delamorte locked in with a romance to Lucanis like wait a second this is… your house? This. Is your house. YOUR house. ok ok ok like fuck i’m a backwoods elf treasure hunter wtf and having to meet Catarina again but now as like. Her favorite grandson’s romantic partner. Neither choice for his felt particularly impactful. Maybe if they killed Illario and not just imprisoned him? I think i picked his based on armor tbh. The only one I did that for.

Yay to my inquisitor and rook having a drink together! I do love my Lavellan but Rook is like girl, stand up. Oh my god. (But internally, oh my god I love the dialogue ugh)

Very tame romance scenes (I took this back by the end. I appreciate the ramping up in the final fight and Lucanis only being able to get some comfortable sleep with her there is… oh so good. They have such an interesting dynamic. Babysitting Spite. Will write more in fanfic to explore it). Their lead up was very unromantic.

THANK GOD NO HARD TIME WITH THE GRIFFONS!!! They survive without blight!! Kind of a stupid choice tbh why not have them both get some gryphies? In the forest and the wardens? also rip but i’m hoping the wardens won’t be around much longer

[sunshineseung]

My assumptions about you based on who your stray kids bias is~

Bang Chan: you’re constantly horny, but you mask it with 🌸🥺💗💌 but we all know what you’re thinking about, and it’s Chris’ arms. 90% of your camera roll is pictures of Chan being cute or sexy, and your YouTube history is just Chan’s room clips. You’re also super duper OT8 though. You love these boys almost as much as your bias does. I’m guessing you went through an emo phase sometime in your life, or at least often wear all black with layers upon layers no matter the weather. 

Lee Know: you’re really smart and/or really gay. Lesbians love Lino! You’ve probably read the hunger games or a similar book series at some point, and now you just like guys that are cold or serious a lot. You’re some of the only people that see minho for more than just being “mean”, and I really appreciate that. Also, you’re all cat people. Unlike stray kids, you can name and identify all of Minho’s cats, and I’m sure he appreciates that. Although most people would get mad, you’re through the moon when your favorite idols post selfies with stupid, face-warping filters, and theyre more than often your lock screen. Overall, you’re the superior kind of stay, and far too powerful to be contained.

Changbin: Oh my god, we get it, you love him. (kidding, please keep talking about him). You have a real heart of gold. Basically the nicest person ever, but you can still pick on your friends from time to time. There’s so much love in your heart, but most of it is for Changbin. No offence, but you’re probably short (although arent most stays short?). Crazy assumption, but did you go through a steven universe/gravity falls phase? Don’t worry, the best of us did. You probably have very fond memories of children’s media like cartoons or childrens books, and i’m nearly certain you own at least two Squishmallows. I will protect you at all costs.

Hyunjin: Oh, so you’re really hot. You’re also very opinionated and outgoing when needed, but damn. Leave some for the rest of us. You don’t even know you’re breaking hearts left and right, but please don’t stop. You don’t have a ton of friends, but a few very close ones, and you’re okay with that. You’re also very talented at a lot of things, even things you don’t know or think you’re good at. The jack of all trades type. You’re very much the kind of person to speak up when you see something going wrong, whether it’s bigotry, bullying, or anything you personally don’t agree with. Don’t get it wrong, though, if anyone even mentions Hyunjin or Stray Kids, you’re ready to go on a 5 hours tirade about how amazing and talented and pretty Hwang Hyunjin is. May god have mercy on those who are within earshot. 

Han: Stop acting so tough. We all know you’re just a little softy. No amount of silver jewelry or punk/alternative clothing can hide who you are inside: a baby. Han Jisung is your wallpaper, your app icons, your inspiration, your happiness!!! You would do anything to protect Jisung and make him happy. If you ever hear your friends or loved ones talking poorly about themselves, you’re ready to jump on them and cover them in love and compliments and reassure them that they are incredible. You’re everyone’s best friend and you don’t even know it. You’re also super duper funny! This might sound odd, but you probably have a strong opinion about tiktok houses. Quick question: what’s your favorite sitcom to reference? Or what’s the tiktok audio you reference constantly for a month before forgetting it exists? 

Felix: You’re adorable. You make my fragile little heart melt. Your existence lights up the lives of everyone around you, and the brightness of your smile is rivalled only by the sun. Although you might be a little anxious sometimes, your presence is a present and everyone adores you! You’re so nice to everyone around you, and we all appreciate it. To you, Felix is your happy place. Truly, just looking at a picture of Felix makes you feel warm and cozy in the best way possible. Although you first fell in love with him for his voice, by now you understand all of his talents and charms. You’re beyond whipped for this man, but whenever asked about it, you just say “I love him” :) super cute omg. Sorry if this calls you out, but you probably went through a Dan and Phil phase, and you might even still watch them to this day, albeit without the sharpie whiskers. Stay cute, babes!

Seungmin: You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You look like Linda Evangelista. You’re a model. Did you stone those tights? Oh, you’re smiling! ... okay but can we talk about how amazing Seungmin biased people are? Literally so nice and well mannered, and I’m not just saying that because I’m one of them. You’re sometimes really sassy and catty, but most of the time, you’re just a ball of sunshine. You’re super cute, and you’re probably obsessed with cottage core aesthetic or Sanrio characters (or both)! You probably play and instrument of some kind, or even sing a little. Maybe even draw omg you’re talentedddd. You’re also accidentally funny a lot, whether that’s from clumsiness or cuteness. Despite looking adorable, you’re uper smart and cunning, probably witty as fuck when you get into arguments, which isn’t often because you shut down the other person faster than they can think of a response. Lovely lovely lovely people!

Jeongin: You’re either a few years older than Jeongin and baby him to death or you’re a few years younger than him and you just think he’s cute (although he’s getting a lot hotter omg did you see his arms???) You can be a little quiet sometimes, but whenever you talk, it’s something mindblowingly insightful or painfully hilarious. You can be super cute when you need to get something, and only when you want something. Again, you break hearts left and right, but don’t stop. Everyone fucking loooooooves you, and your friend group will not hesitate to remind you how much they appreciate you. You have a bunch of hidden talents that only a very few amount of people know, because to you, they’re just hobbies. You’re super talented and amazing, and you don’t even know it! You’re probably very clumsy and bubbly, even when no one is around. There’s probably some Panic! at the Disco or Troye Sivan on your playlist. 

woof this was rough lol i hope this was funny to some people. reblog with how much i got right about you in the tags, cuties! :)

[ratsoh-writes]

Okay I gotta rate because my poor man Edge keeps getting ripped. I need to depend his honor!

Sans - 8/10! He and I are both silly jokers, so we would have a good time. The only thing is I can't be lazy all the time, I like going out and doing things. I get cabin fever easily. I also don't fully agree with his avoidance of conflict, though I understand it. Sometimes someone deserves a punch in the face. I love his intelligence though.

Papyrus - 9/10! He has his own sense of humor that I appreciate! I'm not as active as him, but I dig his energy and would be willing to push myself for him. Is a clean person which is a huge plus. Strong boy.

Star - 9.5/10! Now, I have no idea if he and I would actually be compatible, but he's one of my favorites. Even though I'm not a high energy person, I love being around happy optimistic people because it brings my energy up. Plus he's down for adventures and is a clean person. Also a strong boy and strength may or may not be super attractive to me.

Honey - 7/10! Sweet boy but is allergic to cats, which is super tragic. He'd be a great friend, but I gotta have a cat.

Red - 6/10! If we got to together, it'd be a slow burn. I am very honest about my feelings and I couldn't stand the emotional constipation and feeling like I didn't know where we stood. But, I think once I got to know him and found out that the insults were not personal, we would have a better time. I'm a sensitive soul. But...ick, mustard. Gross. Ketchup is much more tolerable.

Edge - 9/10! He's kind of a similar case to Red that I hate emotional constipation, but I think he wouldn't hesitate to say whether or not he disliked me, so that helps. I gave him a higher score because I dig his class. I love me chicken nuggies, but I enjoy eating good too. Cheat nights. Plus, I dig, how does that phrase go...guys who are hard on the world but soft for their girl. He would encourage me to take care of myself better and I think we all need someone who looks out for us.

Mal - 9/10! Handsome lad. Classy lad. He's not quite as emotionally constipated as Edge. I also dig his sass and cattyness. He's also protective of his family, which I respect. Like all the guys are, but I feel like Mal goes beyond. He's similar to Edge as well in terms of encouraging of taking care of yourself, but I bet he has cheat nights.

Cash- 6/10! I still like him, truly, there's just other skeletons who have my heart more. I dig his shit-stirringness, as I can be like that too. I would definitely be bullied though and my poor heart couldn't take it.

(I'm so sorry, but for some reason, I forgot your HT names, so I'm going to use the ones I think they are. I'm sorry!!)

Oak - 10/10. Biased. Disney princess? Cuddler? Sweetheart? Could hold my whole body in his arms?? Sign me up.

Willow - 10/10. I love both of these brothers. Sweet, caring, organized, and can sometimes be chaotic. Sounds like my kind of guy. I would want to spoil these guys rotten. I would cuddle for at least a million years.

You had the names right

Yes, mal is definitely more emotionally open then edge and less strict. He was actually supposed to be harsher, but I realized it would make their characters to similar so I change mal from strict and cold to catty and sassy.

[1mechanicalalligator]

i have some thoughts about ted lasso!

i'm gonna share some general ones, and then some spoiler-y ones below a cut in case you're planning on watching it (which you definitely should).

i didn't go into this show expecting to like it. at all. i literally watched it because my sister told me to, and she let me use her apple tv+ login to do so, and i wanted to use that to watch the new season of mythic quest.

the thing is, i don't care about sports in the slightest. and this is a show about an american football coach who moves to london to coach a british football team. and i thought it was just gonna just be some fish-out-of-water thing, lots of dumb humor, the whole "haha he doesn't know how to play the game" thing, okay, whatever.

and i think if they had taken this premise and chosen to stuff everything into 2 hours and make a movie out of it, that's what it could have become.

but they didn't! there are 10 episodes in the first season and they've already ordered two more seasons. there is so much story to tell, and i'm really excited that they're being given the time to tell it.

what it comes down to is that ted lasso isn't a show about sports.

it's a show about relationships. it's a show about paradigms and expectations and values and hopes and fears. it's a show about doing your best.

and it's really, really good.

okay, now i want to get into some specifics so continue reading at your own risk <3

i love what ted lasso does with relationships, and i feel like that's the main theme of the show.

we start out with a healthy relationship, ted and coach beard, who can practically read each other's minds because they know each other so well, and are constantly playing those fun little word games.

later on we add in nate and higgins to form the diamond dogs, which turns out to be a delightful little group. as nate says, "ever since i was little i always used to dream about sitting down with a bunch of mates talking about the complex dynamics between men and women." so sweet.

we also see broken relationships. rebecca and rupert, ted and michelle, jamie and keeley, rebecca and sassy. we see how the characters navigate those broken relationships and deal with them in healthy and unhealthy ways, and how the characters (with the exception of rupert) learn to better themselves despite their pain.

and we see new relationships grow, and those new relationships help soothe the broken ones, whether romantic or platonic. we have rebecca and ted, roy and keeley, rebecca and keeley, ted and roy, nate and the team, rebecca and higgins, and even ted and trent crimm.

and it's exciting to see those relationships grow and develop, to see how ted wins rebecca and roy and trent crimm over just by being himself. how he stays genuine and true to himself the entire time. how he's nothing but kind, and on the rare occasion that he snaps a little, he apologizes immediately, and he means it.

and it's lovely to see how the show is able to portray a friendship between rebecca and keeley, which at one point gets slightly interrupted by sassy, and there's no issue at all, no jealousy or cattiness. they immediately all fall into step with one another. none of the girls are threatened by each other. it's beautiful.

this show manages to present so many different layers of conflict without it ever turning into pointless drama. all of the characters' issues and reactions are real and earned and explored. there's no false conflict, which for me at least makes me feel like i can trust the writers, and they did not let me down.

my biggest takeaway from this show is that i expected it to fall victim to a lot of classic tropes - misunderstandings, evil schemes, messy divorces, oblivious main characters, bumbling americans abroad, sports clichés - and it absolutely did not. and i find that very, very refreshing. it makes me feel respected as a consumer of media.

i'm really excited to see what the next two seasons have to bring.

[thetypedwriter]

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo Book Review

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo Book Review by Taylor Jenkins Reid 

It’s funny. Two book reviews ago I went on a lengthy diatribe about how giving people books is often annoying and unwelcome (or maybe that’s just me). Recommending and suggesting books I love and can do all the livelong day. 

I encourage people to tell me about their latest foray into fiction or that one novel they haven’t been able to stop thinking about for years, but when you actually physically give someone a book, well. 

There’s pressure involved. 

In that other book review post, A Man Called Ove, I outlined how one of three things would happen if someone gives you a book and you read it:

1. The book is good and you chastise yourself for being a moron and not knowing about it earlier. 

2. The rare occurrence of the book being a home-run and has a place proudly sitting on your favorites shelf forever. 

3. The book sucks, the whole journey was tedious and annoying, and the person who lent the book to you in the first place is disappointed or butt-hurt. 

In the last review it was the third option, and to be fair, it usually is. Oftentimes this isn’t even because the book is bad per se, but more so because the book isn’t for me and my interest in it to begin with was tenuous and shaky at best. 

Fortunately, in the case of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo it was option 1 with a small leeway into option 2. I had never heard of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo before or the author, Taylor Jenkins Reid, for that matter, and when my friend gave it to me I put it off on my shelf to collect dust for several months.

However, as my to-be-read list dwindled down to nothing and my newest shipment of books was not yet ready (I might have been waiting for all those Barnes and Noble gift cards I knew were lurking in unopened Christmas cards) I decided to give it a try, and oh boy, am I glad I did. 

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is an adult fiction LGBT novel that focuses on two different timelines running parallel throughout the book. We start off with our main character in the present day of 2017, Monique Grant, a biracial journalist in her 30’s who currently works for a publication called Vivant in New York City but wants more. 

In the midst of an impending divorce, stagnating at work, and missing her long ago deceased father, the only thing Monique takes pride in is a piece she did about euthanasia and how there is mercy in killing before suffering a few years back. 

Her life takes an unexpected turn when Hollywood legacy, Evelyn Hugo, reaches out to her through her job and asks to meet with her. What she thinks is simply a meeting about Evelyn’s recent gown donation turns out to be a life-changing decision where she not only learns about the life and loves of Evelyn Hugo, but also about herself and the choices she made along the way by being tasked to write Evelyn’s biography. 

Monique’s POV is sprinkled throughout the story, thrusting us back into the present every so often, but most of the book is now an eighty-year-old Evelyn dictating her rise to fame from the 50’s all the way to the 80’s and beyond as she lays out the ugly, the beautiful, the sordid, and the desperate actions and choices she made to where she rests as an old woman before Monique, alone, filthy rich, and ominous about the end of her life from a first person perspective. 

To be very blunt, I didn’t care much for Monique. 

I liked the representation of her character, but she often came across as judgy, annoying, and rash. Several times throughout the novel, she has to apologize for speaking too quickly or for jumping to conclusions and for someone who is a journalist I found it to be an odd trait. 

Her growth as a character as a direct involvement with Evelyn was interesting, and I truly enjoyed the fact that at the end of the day, Monique remains a single woman who didn’t want to settle for something less than she deserved. 

That’s more than I can say for most YA protagonists who almost always end up with someone romantically because god forbid they remain alone. 

Evelyn, on the other hand, I immensely enjoyed. 

She’s snarky, manipulative, mean, catty, ruthless, and greedy. 

She’s also hardworking, confident, intelligent, and passionate. 

She came across as a real person to me, a real person with flaws and with qualities I admired. She was kind of a bitch, and I loved that about her. The other characters from Evelyn’s tale, mainly her seven husbands, her friends, and Celia St. James, were also well developed and nuanced characters. 

Nobody was good or bad. Everyone had aspects of both in them and it was so good to see portrayals of characters that resembled real flesh-and-blood human beings. 

As you would expect, there is a lot of scandal, romance, sex, and the glitter and glamour of Hollywood throughout these pages. What I didn’t expect were the themes of race, of sexuality, of gender roles, of death, and of forgiveness. 

Having a bisexual Cuban-American main character detailing her rise to fame in 1950’s America was incredibly interesting from a variety of standpoints. 

To me, though, the biggest theme was about love. 

As the book is called The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, there is of course, an explicit understanding that love will play a large role in the novel. What I didn’t expect was the complex way in which love was depicted. 

The author Reid wanted to convey that romantic love wasn’t the only love worth writing about, and how there are all kinds of wonderful and all-consuming loves that have nothing to do with romance or sex at all. 

Parental love, friendship, inspiration, romance, and familial bonds were all represented and not one was shown to be more valuable or more interesting than the other. All of Evelyn’s relationships had merit, and at the end of the day, everything Evelyn did, start to finish, was for someone she loved one way or another. 

In some ways, aren’t we all Evelyn Hugo?

Together with the myriad themes, the alternating timelines, the representation, and the juicy plot, the story was enjoyable from the first page to the last. The writing itself is very fluid and very easy. 

This is not a hard read by any means. The vocabulary was simple and the writing was simple, but it was very entertaining and at the end, even thought-provoking. 

It made me think. 

Was I making the right choices in my life? Or was I settling for easy? For forgettable? Was I holding myself to high standards and getting what I wanted? What I deserved?

Books that make me sit in silence after I finish reading them, tears in my eye because I’m so emotionally overwhelmed are few and far between. This is what I did after finishing reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. I simply sat on my couch, mind spinning, and tried not to cry. 

That, to me, is the mark of an excellent book. 

Recommendation: If you like strong and sassy female characters then this is definitely a novel worth checking out. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo is a whirlwind romance, but perhaps not in the way you would suspect. With fluid writing, engaging characters, a scintillating plot, and themes that will leave you gaping, what better way to start off the year 2021 than by giving yourself a truly fantastic read? 

Score: 9/10

[livlepretre]

Okay so Bridgerton.

What did you think of the season as a whole and will you continue watching?

Do you think Penelope is really lady whistledown or is that a red herring? And if she is, why would she bring down her family like that, outside of the Marina/Colin stuff or is that the only reason?

Speaking of which I love the idea of Penelope/Colin, what about you?

I really thought the Dukes reticence to having a child was ridiculous, just because of a vow to his horrible father. Luckily that's changed by the end.

Did you like how Marinas story ended or if not ended, how she now has a sort of new beginning?

What did you think of Anthony/Siena and are you glad it's seemingly ended?

I can't wait to see more Eloise and Queen Charlotte, they were both amazing. What did you think of them?

I really enjoyed it! Between this show and The Great I am all over this new genre of sassy anachronistic period dramas. And, you know, like everyone has been saying, it really fills that particular catty void that Gossip Girl left behind. I thought the characters were pretty well developed and amusing-- exactly what they needed to be in terms of depth and humor to keep the show interesting and dramatic. I wouldn’t say it was a dramatic smash or that it swept me away to the wildest emotional highs and lows, but it also didn’t need to. I very much enjoyed it throughout. Also, during episode six (the sexcapade episode), my eyebrows climbed so far up my forehead I learned I can actually wiggle my ears. And I also learned that I have taught my husband enough about period pieces that he was constantly gasping things like, “THEY’RE TOUCHING HANDS WITH NO GLOVES ON!” in the most scandalized tones imaginable. I was so proud. 

So, yes, will definitely continue watching. 

You know, it hasn’t occurred to me until just this moment that Lady Whistledown could be anyone other than Pen??? I think the fact that she writes about her family (and Daphne! her best friend’s older sister!) in such tones really goes to show all the ways she feels neglected or slighted by them-- her family is not particularly nice to her, and they are also incredibly controlling (well, her mother is) and tend to take her for granted. I think the Whistledown thing is how she takes her revenge for those slights (at least in terms of her writing about her family). I have no idea why she said that stuff in the first episode that hurt Daphne’s chances, other than naivetée which is possible. I think it wasn’t so much jealousy over Marina/Colin that caused her to write about Marina, so much as it was the dressing down Marina gave her when she told her to grow up and that Colin would never care for her or see her as a woman-- even though the conversation was about Colin, I think Pen’s response was a reaction to Marina being “cruel to be kind” (but really, pretty cruel) to her. She felt betrayed and hurt by Marina so she lashed out. What this all says to me is that Pen is in so many ways still such a young girl. She is very intelligent and thoughtful and loyal, but things like revealing Marina’s secrets like she did because she was hurt are the sort of responses of a very young person who is still learning and growing emotionally. 

I am RABID for Penelope/Colin!!!! 

Agreed agreed agreed about Simon and his vow to his dad. I kept mumbling that he’s the architect of his own unhappiness when he was refusing to marry Daphne/then when they were on the outs about the children question. So glad he had that wake up call! Honestly, revenge vows to the dead are never worth it. 

I very much so view Marina’s story as a tragedy. She has true love, but he dies; she is the belle of the season, but she can’t really take advantage of it; she finds a good man who loves her, but her fear holds her back from being able to tell him the truth and that’s why she loses him (and honestly? would anyone have told the truth there? she stood to lose everything, so much of the tragedy is that even though what marina did wasn’t right, it’s also really hard to imagine doing anything else in her shoes). I’m not sure how I feel about Marina’s path-- I suppose I’ll have to wait to find out how she’s doing in season 2. I’m relieved she’s not cast out, and I suppose I’m willing to accept the premise that basically her career would be in finding a good husband, but it’s always sad to see a character make due with her dead lover’s brother marrying her out of obligation rather than finding true love like so many other characters seem to be doing. 

I was a bit whatever about Anthony/Siena to tell you the truth. They had wicked chemistry, but Anthony was sort of a doofus and Siena is totally right that he always wants her to be what she isn’t (and what she doesn’t want to be), he always breaks his word to her, he’s totally unreliable both as a lover and as a person, and just in general he sucks? I’m glad they seem to be over, because I always enjoy it when relationships end because one side decides they respect themselves too much for this. I’m interested to find out where Siena fits into the story going forward, and if Anthony manages to grow up next season. 

As for Eloise and Charlotte! I have to be honest, I didn’t much care for Eloise-- my main problem with her is that she assumes she knows better than other characters who see the world differently than her. Like, I didn’t appreciate the way she blew Daphne’s concerns over the marriage market off-- like, Eloise, you’re very lucky you can afford to be so cavalier about it and that you are in a situation where it doesn’t really matter if you get married because you’re rich and your brother will support you no matter what, but for lots of women, it’s deadly serious. I HATED the scene where she broke into the maid’s room and was so haughty and high-handed and I LIVED for the dressing down she got! I suppose my main issue with Eloise is that she cannot conceive that it’s not that she sees more and knows more than others, it’s just that other people see the world differently than her. Also that child is much too young to smoke, BAD BENEDICT for letting her! Maybe she will improve next season though. 

Charlotte had most of these flaws as well and yet she kind of works as a villain-stand-in or at least antagonist in the sense that she is a powerful figure capable of really upsetting the apple cart/threatening the happiness and futures of the characters, so I found the same haughtiness and high-handedness very amusing in Charlotte. I also really enjoyed the little touches, like that scene with her husband. Also: HER CLOTHES! 

I don’t know why Francesca was away most of the season. I sort of forgot she had been sent away/didn’t remember her from episode 1 so for most of the season I kept wondering where the F child was and whether there were 7 or 8 Bridgerton children. 

I also kept expecting Benedict and Henry Granville to be a thing and was very surprised it never happened. 

Anyway, those are my thoughts :) 

[prurientpuddlejumper]

A Punchable Face That I Want to Kiss, Ch. 8

<- Chapter 7 | Chapter 9 ->

Summary: Snapshots of life with a fussy brat over the three-year time jump. Including: a few holiday specials. 

3,949 words

With the lease up on your apartment, Frederick invited you to move in with him. It seemed like the next logical step in your relationship, especially considering how frequently you slept there anyway—though he had to justify the choice by saying he “could not stand seeing you live in squalor.” The house was certainly big enough for two people (or several less-wealthy families).

It was nice living with him, because you lived very different lives. Rather than finding it stifling to be trapped in the same house, it was freeing that you could spend so much of the day apart—or weeks, as it often was, traveling for cases or book promotion tours—and yet always be connected by the home you would return to at the end of it all.

You were planets of the solar system orbiting the same sun. 

The stability of that was comforting. So much had changed—Will Graham left and cut ties with the FBI, Hannibal Lecter was imprisoned at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane where Alana Bloom now held Chilton’s old job, and you were considering following Will’s lead and pursuing new career options. It made you glad to have someone familiar to keep you company, and always be there when you needed him. 

For all the good, living with Frederick Chilton was not always easy. He was a shameless snob who did not believe in laundry chairs, and panicked when his state-of-the-art kitchen was filled with sugary cereals with cartoon characters on the box. There were many clashes of egos early on, some of which never fully disappeared. Now that his star was rising, he insisted you dress a certain way when you were to be seen in public together—particularly at any sort of publicity event or psychiatric conference, but anywhere really that he might be recognized. He was yours, and that meant you reflected upon him. He updated your entire wardrobe like you were starring in an episode of Queer Eye, and had your hair professionally styled.

You couldn’t even be annoyed at the controlling implications of it—you were never great at dressing professionally, and it was exciting to see yourself looking so sharp in the mirror. You could surrender that to him. He enjoyed sophisticated things, like the opera and restaurants where celebrities eat, and now you didn’t feel so out of place when you joined him.

“You actually look quite elegant,” he nodded in surprised approval at your new attire.

You stuck out your tongue.

“Do not tempt me with that,” he said with a feline wiggle of his shoulders. “We have engagements to get to, and I do not want to re-do my face.” He wrapped the hand not gripping a cane around your hip and kissed you, coaxing your naughty tongue into his mouth with a lustful growl.

Any time he was too fussy and judgmental to the point of being unkind, you were quite practiced at flicking him back down to earth. He rarely apologized, of course, but would look up and purse his lips in thought before admitting, “You may be right.”

He was a sassy bitch, but you knew that. It’s why you loved him.

You loved him.

You did. It was strange to realize how much you loved someone you used to hate, whose traits you would normally find incompatible with your own. He was a miserable little rich boy with a self-satisfied sneer, a flare for drama, and perpetually questionable ethics, yet you would do anything to keep him safe. You wanted to stay by his side forever.

And there was something to be said about his difficult personality when you were not on the receiving end of it. 

Being on his side was fun—his hand at your back as he verbally destroyed someone with a catty insinuation that left their eyes glowering with indignation. That used to be me, you thought. Now you were up on his throne with him, and the view was much better.

You wanted to stay through all the medications, physical therapy, and regular hospital visits to tweak his prosthetics and make sure his remaining organs were all still functioning properly. You wanted to stay even as you questioned how much of your affection for him was pity in disguise, as he had suggested the first time you slept with him in a fit of explosive passion—that you liked wounded birds.

If it was pity, and being pity meant you would have to leave, then you resolved to stuff your fingers in your ears and ignore it. No psychoanalysis would make you give him up. You wanted to keep orbiting the sun together.

  *****

Calliope music paraded through the air with aggressively cheerful pneumatic whistles that grabbed your eardrums and pulled them screaming into the 1920s. Shrieks, laughter, bells, and shouts rushed by.

Frederick Chilton stuck close beside you and mistrustfully held a greasy paper plate like it was a venomous snake.

It seemed only fair that in return for dressing up, you made him dress down and do normal-person things, like go to the county fair and eat deliciously greasy fried foods. It was like a cultural exchange program.

“Every moment I am not writing my next book is another moment the world goes without a groundbreaking revelation on the human psyche,” he had snipped when you first suggested the outing. He barely looked up from his computer, where he sat typing in a suave leather office chair.

“Oh come on, you owe me,” you persisted. “I am sick and tired of fancy museums and fancy restaurants and fancy psychiatric conventions. Next time we’re in a hotel, there should be Star Trek costumes involved!” He straightened like you’d shoved a rod up his spine, and you chuckled inwardly at his petty aversion to being seen at that type of convention. “Come on, it’s just the fair,” you rubbed his shoulders and he groaned with annoyance. “Nobody important will be there. You’ll be totally incognito. Be a commoner with me.”

“I suppose it is the least I can do,” he caved in at last, leaning his head back to rest on your chest, glancing up at you through his eyebrows. “Since it is so important to you, I shall partake of your proletariat festivities.”

“Don’t say proletariat when we’re at the fair, you bougie dork.”

He wore a plain black t-shirt, and his hair wasn’t quite as primly styled as usual, letting a few strands fly free. The less he stood out from the crowd, the less likely a professional acquaintance or fan would recognize him.

Even living with Chilton, it was rare to see him dressed so casually, and you had expected it to be disconcerting. Instead, you found yourself drooling. He was sexy in a suit, but so was everybody with the correct fit. The unstructured t-shirt hugged his broad chest and revealed those alarmingly muscular arms that were usually a secret hidden under sleeves.

It was odd seeing your private Chilton—reserved for nights and mornings—out in the world, and a reminder of how lucky you were.

He managed to look dapper even with powdered sugar on his shirt.

“Funnel cake?” he cringed, as if the word itself was in poor taste. “Are we certain this is food?”

“You are ridiculously hoity-toity.”

“I do enjoy the finer things in life,” he boasted in a smooth, self-congratulatory hum.

You were about to sass him when you realized his admiring eyes were fixed on you, and he wore an expectant smirk on his lips. Your scowl cracked open into a tender laugh, and you linked your arm with his, giving him a playful hip bump.

His eyes widened at you in mock horror. “You would attack a man with a cane?” He awaited your answer with that same peevish smirk, but you didn’t have anything clever on your tongue, so you pulled him into a kiss instead. He melted against your lips, having gotten what he wanted.

Frederick refused to go on any rides, citing safety concerns and his delicate viscera, but you perused a hundred breeds of chickens, pet the World’s Tallest Clydesdale, watched pigs racing, browsed local artwork, and sampled craft beers which he had to admit were pretty good. You paid far too much money to shoot water guns at a spinning target faster than other carnival-goers so you could win an oversize plush of a corgi, which turned out to be filled with disappointing foam stuffing.

After finally placing a piece of sugary fried dough in his mouth, his eyes closed, and when they opened again, he declared it “not terrible.” Then inhaled it and spent the rest of the fair surreptitiously looking for another funnel cake stand.

When you got home, he confessed, with his most stern and dignified demeanor, that he may have, perhaps had fun, juvenile as it was. Then he quietly suggested that he would make an excellent Spock.

  *****

“I am never going to be perfect enough for you, am I?” you cried after another petty argument over another petty thing like stacking the cups in the cupboard in precisely the correct order. “How do you live with me? It must drive you crazy.”

Months of feeling inadequate bubbled to the surface all at once. Everything he did was so controlled, so exact, you really did wonder why he would ever be with someone like you.

“No,” he frowned, and as he gently took your shoulders his heart was crumbling in his eyes. There was a sorry on the tip of his tongue, but this was not the lottery-winning occasion he would say the word itself. He didn’t need to. He would say it in other ways.

His warm lips pressed your forehead as he rubbed loving circles on your arms with his thumbs. “Do you know who was perfect? Hannibal. I would rather live with a hot mess than a cold-blooded monster. One of us should be warm, anyway,” he gave a self-deprecating smile. “I must do better to remember the beauty of imperfection, because you are perfect to me.”

  *****

The front door opened well after the sun had disappeared and the stars had begun to come out. Frederick came home drained and exhausted from being on his feet all day trying to dominate professional rivals who were all, in turn, out to get him.

Conferences were invigorating, an exciting place to strut one’s superiority, make connections, and scope out the competition… until they were not, and they became whichever circle of Hell it is that makes one have to continually defend oneself to people for whom one will never be good enough.

You looked up from the book you were reading. You didn’t get up from the couch cushion’s gravitational embrace, but smiled with stars in your eyes, and called, “Frederick!”

Home.

He crawled onto the couch next to you, and laid his head in your lap. You set the book aside and ran your fingers through his hair, listening to the sweet, sleepy noises of pleasure the action evoked. Fantasies of this moment had kept him alive all day. You caressed his neck and the prickly stubble along the side of his jaw, and he turned his face into your palm and kissed it. He adored the way you touched him with your gentle, caring hands. Yawning, you reclined into the deep, plush cushions, and he shifted so you were both laying next to each other, content in each other’s embrace. He cuddled into your chest, face buried in your shirt.

“You smell like tacos.”

It was unclear how peevishly he intended the observation, so you simply replied, “I made tacos for dinner.”

“The cheap American kind that are nothing but ground beef, shredded cheese, and an insult to Mexican culture,” he said, voice muffled by the fabric.

“Mm-hmm,” you said.

“They are not real food.”

“Do you want some?”

“God, yes.”

  *****

With physical therapy, Chilton was finally able to walk comfortably without assistance again.

Technically, he had been able to for a long time. The cane was a crutch—in the figurative, not the literal, sense. In the literal sense it was very much not a crutch, or even a cane. At best, it was an expensive, silver-topped walking stick. He clung to it like a security blanket, or as a prop to garner pity, or simply because it was a dramatic accessory. The threat of physical therapy simply convinced him to let go of the pretense.

Like the spiral staircases of his home, some things about Dr. Chilton were fussy and theatrical for no reason.

It was almost a shame, you thought. That thing was the epitome of his dapper style (he might as well put on tap shoes, a top hat, and put on the Ritz with Fred Astaire), and it brought to mind such kinky images.

It was not one of those lightweight BDSM canes, and therefore was far too heavy to do any spanking with, assuming you wanted to be able to sit down any time in the next month. However, you recalled with some excitement his tapping it on the inside of your heels to get you to spread your legs open, using the pommel to gently tip your chin up to him, or running it slowly along the inside of your thighs.

You would miss that cane.

You still argued sometimes—but not as often. You were accustomed to his haughtiness and felt less need to try and change it, and he knew you well enough to relax when the two of you were alone. He took your advice that life was not a competition... but only when it came to you, not to his career and public reputation.

He was still obsessed with proving his superiority to the world. Still obsessed with seeing Hannibal Lecter grow old and feeble inside a cell. Those edges were so integrally a part of him you could never smooth them out.

  *****

You were good for his book tour.

Though he never raised his voice or threw insults around, Chilton still had the journalist sitting in your living room on edge. She gripped the recording device harder, nails turning white. Flanked by imposing towers of leather-bound books, he stared her down like a shark, bragging about his psychiatric achievements and describing grizzly details of the Lecter case with a heartless detachment—he smirked when the more graphic parts made her squeamish.

Dr. Chilton was (contrary to his own opinion) not the best mind in the psychiatric field, but there was one thing he was the preeminent expert in, and that was leaving people with the impression that he was a callous douchebag who thought he was better than everyone else. Which was more or less accurate.

When you entered the room, his whole demeanor softened.

“Hey honey,” you poked your head in with a plate of cookies. “Sorry, I didn’t know you had that interview today. Should I come back later?”

“Nonsense, darling, come in.”

The haughty stare he’d been giving the journalist broke and turned to a warm gaze and a kind smile as he crossed the room to escort you in, his hand on the small of your back. You sat down on the sofa next to him, and set the plate of good-will-bribery cookies down on the coffee table between you and the journalist. She politely refused, at least until the recording was over, but instantly seemed more relaxed, loosing her death-vice on the recorder. You quietly leaned your head on Frederick’s shoulder and discreetly clasped his hand on the cushion between you through the rest of the interview, which he spent blushing and unable to maintain the coldness of his stare.

You brought out a side of him few were able to see. Whenever you made an appearance during his book promotions, the article published was always just a bit more favorable.

  *****

“Gotta go!” you called across the house, slinging a pack over your shoulders. Dawn was barely cresting the purple sky, and Frederick was barely awake. He didn’t even have his prosthetic maxilla in yet; he was only up to say goodbye. “I’m going to be in the field for ten hours straight today!” You thought about that for a moment, and groaned with anticipated exhaustion. 

“You have water?” 

“Yes, mom.”

“You cannot blame me for worrying,” he smiled with some pride at his gallant adventurer. You were wild in ways he would never understand, and it terrified as much as thrilled him. He smoothed a few wrinkles out of your shirt—a rugged garment for outdoor wear—and said you looked presentable enough for what you were doing. You kissed him, and wished him luck with the book signing he was attending that day. 

He wandered into the kitchen to search for breakfast, when an idea occurred to him.

“Take some of my meal-replacement bars,” he offered, opening the pantry. He had the organic superfood detox variety that he was able to digest. 

“I already did, thanks!”

He sighed with annoyance. “I noticed. It looks like an animal went through the packaging.”

“You love me,” you grinned cheekily in the doorway.

He prowled up to you, eyes narrow, trapping you against the door. He growled. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in the crook of your neck, kissing you and sucking a small bruise just under your collar. Yeah, he loved you. You purred, arching your back so you were pressed more firmly against him, and breathed in his scent. If only you didn’t have to leave.

“Come home safe.”

  *****

Halloween was your favorite holiday. Perhaps it was gauche for one involved in investigating real murders, and real dead people, but then, that might have been what made it so appealing—on Halloween, all the blood was corn syrup, the skeletons danced to 80’s rock, and the serial killers wore their identities on their sleeves and carried plastic weapons. It had been your favorite holiday as a kid, and it still was.

“No.”

“Please?” you begged, drawing out the E. “It would be so awesome!”

“No.”

“But—”

“I am a bestselling author. An esteemed expert in my field. I will not be subjected to such an undignified, childish display.”

“But you would have the best costume and nobody would know!”

He wasn’t sure how you talked him into it. It must have those adorable pleading eyes he could never resist, or the enticing appeal to his ego that it would be an extraordinary costume, certain to leave everyone guessing how the effect was done. Somehow, he was walking into a Halloween party as a zombie. Without his contact lens or prosthetic jaw.

He frowned. It was humiliating.

You were dressed as an apocalypse survivor with an infected bite, and were hamming it up, telling the other guests you were fine, totally fine, with a shaky panic-edged voice and a tremor in your limbs. You had done an impressive job on the makeup, too, giving your complexion a sallow haze and reddened eyes. The bite itself was a gory masterpiece constructed from latex and tissue paper, with dark veins spider-webbing up your arm.

He didn’t have to ham it up. He only needed to walk in the room and Shrek and Fiona, Pennywise the clown, and a sexy velociraptor all gasped in horror at his face. How was that meant to make him feel?

“So cool!” someone said before he could turn on his heel and walk out of there. Words like, “There isn’t a contest, is there? I should have put in more effort,” and “did you hire a movie SFX artist? No fair,” started to get tossed around—including toward costume elements that you had designed and had nothing to do with his natural grotesqueness. Then they offered him a drink and moved on to the next impressive costumes and regular party chatter.

You were right. Nobody knew it was real, and while it stung to be stared at and called grisly—you would later apologize profusely for being too gung-ho and not thinking through what would happen—he had never imaged being able to have a normal conversation in public with his real face exposed. There was something daringly vulnerable about it. He had never imagined not being ashamed, but at least in this niche context, his old injury made him the leading man of the evening.

By the end of the night he got so into it, he was chasing you around snarling for your brains, and getting a kick out of scaring trick-or-treaters.

  *****

He took you to Paris for Valentine’s day. Last time it was Italy, and you strangely suspected he was touring the shadow of Hannibal Lecter as much as he was trying to impress you. You had suspected, that is, until you asked, and he rather bluntly admitted to it. He hadn’t expected you not to notice by the time you got to Florence, although Venice had been purely about romance (he loved all those touristy gondola rides that he swore he hated and were just for your benefit).

Now that he finally had the chance to lavish his considerable means upon someone, he was throwing himself heart and soul into the holiday, and would not stop until he had spoiled you senseless. When he was single and accustomed to spending the day alone, he used to loathe February 14th—Valentine’s had seemed a cruel joke directed specifically at him. He couldn’t even spitefully ignore it by staying late at work, because the more perceptive inmates always took notice.

“You do not know hell,” he told you, “until a man convicted of raping his mother’s severed head taunts you about your lack of sex life.”

This year, he treated you to everything Paris had to offer: the Louvre, Notre Dame, an opera at Palais Garnier, a morning stroll through the gardens of Versailles, delicious bakeries, cafes, chocolate, and macrons. You insisted upon seeing the Catacombs, of course.

When you went to the Eiffel Tower and he showed up with roses and dinner reservations for sunset in its refined first-floor restaurant, your gut clenched. You were terrified he was going to propose. Of course he would make a grand gesture! You carefully inspected every champagne glass for hidden engagement rings, but found only bubbles. After dinner, when you ascended to the top of the tower to watch Paris light up at night, you knew that was when the proposal was coming.

But it didn’t. And you found yourself disappointed.

You had never talked about it, so there was no reason to assume it was something he wanted. It seemed far too soon to you, too, until it was snatched away and you realized that after three years together, you still couldn’t imagine wanting a life without him in it.

Arriving home at last, you breathed a sigh of relief into the still air. Paris was exciting and rich with history, but you were glad to be home in the peaceful familiarity of that snobbishly oversized house with its ridiculously spiraling staircases and its somewhat-less-fastidiously-pristine rooms, which now accommodated both of your things. All of the picture frames that once held impersonal stock photos displayed real snapshots of your lives together.

You weren’t even going to shower. You were so tired, you just wanted to rip all your clothes off and drop into bed. Frederick pulled his tie off. Hair frumpy from the long plane and taxi rides, his fingers worked to undo the top buttons of his shirt as he lumbered to the bath. He stopped at the door and turned back. You were taking a sip of water before leaving the cup on your nightstand.

“Marry me?” he said.

[thebibliomancer]

Song of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 18

Song of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because sure the book is only half over but don’t you think we should really find that flute now?

Last times on book: Kylan, Naia, and Tavra have traveled to Home-in-Shadows to find a magic firca that will help them warn all Gelfling about the Skeksis. Maudra Argot’s delightful son Amri has joined the party to lead them to the Tomb of Relics.

Chapter 18

The gang meets urLii the Storyteller! They find the cedar box of Gyr’s firca! What a fulfilling chapter!

Amri gets them all lanterns and then the gelfs split up because they’ll cover more ground that way.

... Kylan imagined Naia and Tavra were seeing the same as him: a passage lined with dusty, lichen-covered, boxed, locked, rolled, stacked, and latched items. There were so many things crammed among the shelves that it was hard to tell, especially in the lacking light, where one item ended and the next began.

I’ve been taking all of the books off of my multiple shelves to move and I feel this description very hard. My room is just stacks of books now. Floor is books and bed is books.

And yet I feel a secret forbidden library/archive inside a mountain might be my ideal dream home.

Kylan walks through the Tomb of Relics and sees lantern light and a figure down a hall. Its Tavra and she tells him to get back on task.

The first room gave him no success, though not for lack of trying. There were so many things crowded in every cubby that he was sure he hadn’t possibly looked through everything. Yet if he followed his impulse and inspected every crate and scroll he found, it would take forever. Each artifact was unique, and wonderful, and Kylan knew he could spend his entire life in the Tomb if he lost track of his goal.

In the last chamber of the row, Kylan finds that a shelf against the far wall has collapsed (possible from an earthquake... shouldn’t that be thraquake?) and spilled books and boxes and chests and artifacts and broken stuff into one jumbled pile.

And then the pile starts to move as a Mystic rises from underneath it. Huh, guess the shelf collapsed recently or he was taking a long rubble nap.

Amri and Naia show up and Amri introduces the Mystic as urLii and that he sometimes comes down from the Sanctuary to bring new stuff to the Tomb of Relics.

Heyyyy, urLii the Storyteller!

He was great in the Age of Resistance comic! In that, he sorta lived in the Tomb of Relics like a dragon with a bunch of piles of treasures. He also guarded the Dual Glaive and had named the Tomb of Relics that to make it sound spooky because he didn’t want a lot of company.

urLii the Mystic finally cleared enough of the pile to step free of it. In full view, Kylan could see he was indeed the same race as urVa, the wise archer they’d met in the Dark Wood. He had a long body, from his long face to his long, heavy tail, his skin marked where it was visible with etching-like whorls and spirals. He was clothed in a simple mantle, wrists decorated with metal cuffs and cord ties. He cleared his throat and patted his body, as if to make sure it was intact, and then drew a pair of eye-prisms from the clutter. Once they were snug on his nose, he looked at the three Gelfling more closely.

Huh! I think this is the first Mystic with glasses? Even though skekOk wears multiple glasses, his counterpart urAc wears none.

... Although I’m seeing on the wiki that skekOk wears glasses just to look smarter. Amazing.

urLii recognizes that this is Amri’s first time in the Tomb and explains he was looking for something, which he doesn’t remember now, when a shelf fell on him.

Amri decides to ask for urLii’s help in finding the firca.

While Amri described the firca to urLii, as casually as with a sibling, Kylan tried to quiet a sudden pulse of jealousy. It was a bad feeling, and he didn’t like it one bit. Not only did the Grottan have access to such a trove of ancient treasure, but they knew one of the Mystics like a family friend? He sighed and tried to wave the feeling away. There was no need to be in competition with Amri, who was only doing everything he could to help them.

If you didn’t hate being underground so much, I’d suggest asking Maudra Argot to adopt you. She seems cool. And Amri could be your brother!

But, yeah, no, it’d never work.

urLii believes he knows where the firca is. Although he’s waffling a bit on which way that is and keeps getting lost and wandering from chamber to chamber.

While they follow him, Naia asks why Amri didn’t mention that he knew a Mystic.

“Mystic? Um... I guess he is pretty mystical, now that you say it! urLii has taught the Grotan clan for ages. He’s a master song teller, and he taught us all to dream-etch. We call him the Storyteller. Our younglings travel to the Sanctuary when they come of age to learn... Is that strange? Are there others like him?”

Kylan’s heart ached. A friendship with one of the Mystics, those that were as wise as the Skeksis were shrewd! Yet in all his ancient knowledge, Amri didn’t even know how lucky he was.

Naia speculates how cool it would have been if urVa had lived with the Drenchen and taught them and mentions that urLii could probably teach Kylan a bunch of songs he’s never even heard.

Oof, kinda inadvertently putting salt on the jealousy wound there, Naia.

It’s not explicitly mentioned but I imagine that the fact that all Grottan learn dream-etching and can read has got to contribute to his feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. Dream-etching was his special skill that he brought to the group but they’re bringing Amri along and he can do it too.

urLii eventually finds a shelf that he insists is where the firca is, even though Kylan is pretty sure they’d searched that shelf twice.

The Storyteller searched the shelves with all four long-fingered hands at once, picking up small chests and shifting things aside, looking and grumbling hmm, hmm the whole while.

Oh, to have four arms and super good at sorting...

Amri asks if he’s sure that this is the right shelf, I guess having the same misgivings as Kylan. Aw dangit, Amri is even misgiving better! Poor Kylan!

But urLii insists! He’s a very organized relic keeper! Since Gyr the Song Teller was a Sifa, he put it next to the Sifan Charms of Zale, a sextant, some Nebrie hide, and charms.

Amri suggests instead that urLii moved it or maybe it fell when there was a booklanche in the other room.

The Gelfs all split up to cover more ground again but in the same room.

Kylan stayed near urLii, waiting for the courage to speak to the Mystic. They worked side by side while Amri joined Naia on the other end of the room. Kylan had questions, and he wanted to hear everything the Mystic had to share, but no matter how long he waited, the courage never came. He could not ask about Gyr, or the firca, or even whether the Mystic race knew their Skeksis counterparts had broken the Heart of Thra. Instead they looked in silence, Kylan’s lungs filling with dust as he uncovered dozens and dozens of shelves, finding nothing.

Naia eventually declares that the firca isn’t here, prompting urLii to shake his head and respond “Oh, where, then?”

Is that catty? Can Mystics be catty?

I know they can be sassy, especially urSol, but I didn’t know catty.

Oh, and then Tavra comes in with the cedar box the firca is in, which she says she found two chambers over.

Womp womp.

She also notices urLii but doesn’t really respond to a Mystic being here. Like ‘well this might as well happen.’

Instead of presenting it to Amri, who could have been said to be the owner of the box on behalf of his clan that protected the Tomb, or to Naia, who had been their unofficial leader through everything, Tavra brought the box to Kylan. He accepted it in both hands.

“Here’s your firca, Song Teller,” she said.

See, now that definitely sounds catty or perhaps spiteful.

Naia encourages Kylan to crack open the box but he takes time to savor the moment or perhaps just to examine the box in detail so as to set the scene. It really is a great box.

Etched in great detail on the lid was a drawing of a bird, standing next to a grove of trees to demonstrate its fantastical size. Its head was all beak with an eye on either side, wings half-spread over a clutch of boulder-size eggs. The only thing peculiar about the etching was a character burned into the corner of the drawing, the symbol for S. The etching still felt warm, but then again, everything in the stuffy chambers did.

You have good taste in boxes, Gyr. And/or whoever boxed it. Possibly urLii?

Hmm, I wonder if the etching on the box is etching etching or dream-etching.

And I wonder about that S.

S forrrrrr Song Teller?

Kylan imagines the firca before opening the box, something that looks so similar to the tiny instrument he learned to play but just oh so much cooler and more powerful and also capable of saving the day against the Skeksis!

Which I’m not sure about. There’s like a hundred pages left.

Though, just finding the thing isn’t the end of the story. They still get to use it to graffiti the truth absolutely everywhere.

Kylan cracks the box open and.... aw dang.

Resting in the padded box was a collection of white fragments - bone, no doubt, and some still large enough to show intricate carvings. There were just enough pieces to know what it had been, and what it could never be again. All that mattered now was what it was: Gyr’s bell-bird firca, smashed into a thousand pieces.

=(

What a shaggy fizzgig story.

[carrigerpigeon]

On THE ENFORCER ENIGMA

Okay, y’all.

We need to talk about The Enforcer Enigma because I have many, many problems with it.

I’ve been sitting on my feelings for this book for a month or so, after I got my ARC of it and I read it. It’s been hard to decide what I was going to say, how I was going to approach this. Like I’ve said before, my relationship with Gail exists in a liminal space between fan and friend, and is even more complicated than that.

I’ve decided, as both a fan AND friend, that I can’t ignore the problems in this book.

Which is where this post comes from.

When I first I heard it was dealing with the Selkie mob I was excited, because I loved how ridiculous they were in the short story and I think the concept is gloriously ludicrous. But this book overall felt very contrived, very basic, and very tone deaf in a racist way. The gay boys felt objectified and cookie cutter, and the racist treatment of Judd made me very, very upset.

I’m going to get to my issues with the treatment of Judd, as best as I can as a white person with a lot to learn, but I want to start with something I am able to speak better on, and that’s the gay characters in this book.

So let’s get into it. Spoilers, obviously, and lots of talk about systematic racism and homophobia, antiblackness, stereotypes, etc.

(Also, Gail, since you follow me on this blog and I know you’ll probably see this—READ THE WHOLE THING. Think about it. And then if you’d like to talk about it, you know how to contact me.)

This is going behind a cut, not because of the content but because it’s almost 6 pages long.

The Gay Boys

Okay. Look.

I love a catty, fabulous gay boy as much as the next queer. They have a space and a place in our community. But not EVERY gay man is like this IRL. Meanwhile, in SAS, it feels like every gay male character (or close to) in this series is a waspy, catty, faaaabulous gay. Isaac, Marvin, Max, Trick, even to some extent Alec and Bryan…they’re just all the exhausting waspy, catty, fabulous gay boy that we see exhibited heavily on Drag Race and other mainstream platforms.

And like. I get it. Colin is repressed and gay and wants to be a fabulous twink. That’s fine. But it just felt like he was slipping into the stereotype all the other gay male characters inhabit in these books, and that’s really, really exhausting.

Also, I am from the East Coast, where according to my West Coast friends we apparently grow gay boys differently. I can’t say with any accuracy how much of this is true. BUT MOST OF THESE GAY BOYS ARE FROM THE EAST COAST. They lived in Boston before moving to California. So why are they like this?

It feeds into this larger trend I’ve seen in Gail’s word with fabulous, savage gay boys—from Akeldama and all his drones, to Biffy, and even Lyall. Seen over the spread, it’s harder to sweep it away as just a “modern storyline” thing or a “California storyline” thing. It’s a trend, one which I find very uncomfortable as a queer person.

There is a place and space for Queer people to take back the tropes and stereotypes that have been used against us and write them our own way. But what I’ve seen as a longtime reader isn’t that. What I seem is lazy stereotyping and an overarching stereotype and characterization that feed into the larger the ways I feel gay men are objectified by female authors (no matter how queer the author is).

Many more people have covered this topic better than I, but it explains why I’ve felt so uneasy about this series from the get go. The sex and the relationships in these books don’t feel real—it feels objectifying. There’s lots of talk about big and strong sexy, muscle-y men but very little else. And while there is something to say about having a partner who thinks you’re sexy—that’s important, and I want everyone to have that…. this isn’t that.

These are muscle-y, strong, sassy gay men for cis white women to coo over on Facebook and feel good about. But to me, a real life nonbinary queer person, I feel uneasy and frankly uncomfortable with the objectification of them.

And since we’re talking about queer representation, after having a decent wlw spread in the Parasolverse there are two WLW (specifically lesbians) in SAS (Trickle and Pepper) and they (a) barely get any screen time and (b) feel stereotypical to me. And they are side characters, so I get it, but seriously?

And also while we’re on queer representation, there’s Mana, aka Manifest Destiny. Mana is the drag queen and arguable trans woman* who started off alright BUT was named after the colonization and violent taking of Native and Indigenous people’s lands and wrapped up in patriotism. Gail has said she made a mistake, that she meant her name to be Mana From Heaven, and that this would be addressed in the upcoming book (aka The Enforcer Engima).

It was not.

There is talk, from what I understand, this issue will be addresses in the upcoming short story about Mana and Lovejoy. But there are several throwaway lines about Mana in this book, her work in LA and her becoming a drag queen superstar (I guess akin to RuPaul?). So why wasn’t her name change discussed or even mentioned there?

[*Sidebar: Mana has been quoted as saying, “I suppose I should be transgender, under modern parlance. But I like drag queen. It suits me. I like the fabric roughness of drag, and the royalty of queen. It's a nice change to have the luxury of choosing one's own semantics, if not one's own situation." But whenever she appears, it seems she’s always in face/wearing false eyelashes/wearing women’s clothing.

I’m not going to police Mana’s trans experience because gender is a spectrum, and I as someone under the trans umbrella know that. But it feels…weird and off to me.]

Regardless of my sidebar, the name she was supposed to have, Manna from Heaven is…also sort of problematic? If I understand the reference correctly, it refers to the Biblical story of the food that God miraculously provided to the Israelites as they wandered in the wilderness. It means as a phrase the coming of unexpected benefit or assistance, especially when that benefit/assistance comes at the time when it is needed most. Which is what Mana is for the pack—she lets them live in her apartment in Book 1, she swoops in to save the day in Book 2. But it feels…very white and more than a little gross to name a character with Chinese and Japanese ancestry after something from the Bible.

And then there’s Judd.

Oh, Judd.

I really wanted to like Judd. The premise of his character was interesting, a Black, Pre-Saturation werewolf shifter, and I liked his cameos in the other books. But then we got a book about him, and it all fell apart.

Judd is a gay Black character, pre-Saturation, meaning he’s old as hell (from the Parasolverse time). He is objectified like the other gay boys, and there’s a lot of talk about how hard and strong his muscles and how sexy he is. He’s depicted on the cover this way.

And that’s…fine I guess, but gay Black men frequently have their bodies objectified as Black and muscley and strong. He’s also a pack Enforcer, so he’s depicted as not very smart and very violent. All of those are racist stereotypes that Black men deal with constantly, and they are racist stereotypes and tropes that are constantly hurled at Black men by the system and by society.

Additionly, Judd, the only Black member of the pack, is the only werewolf in the series to carry a gun.

A Black man. Is the only member. To carry a gun.

Yeah.

It gets worse.

There is mention of Judd’s backstory—very heavy inferences to Phineas/Soap (whose problematic naming convention and descriptors have been talked about especially by jhenne-bean ) being his mentor until he gets kicked out of Sidheag’s pack—but it falls very flat. I understand not wanting to write too much history of a Black character as a white writer, especially after tenuously connecting that history to the traditionally published series you’re Not Connected SAS To Not At All….

But.

Judd is over 150 years old.

He lived through some of America and Canada's worst racial discrimination, discrimination which would have affected him and his habitus and the way he moves through the world. He’s a gay Black man, and his gayness and his Blackness does not appear to affect how he interacts with the world at all. The police are called at the beginning and he’s OKAY ABOUT IT? AS A BLACK MAN? He basically says, “Thank God, the cops are here.”

You had a BLACK MALE CHARACTER SAY THAT when we’ve had a nationwide conversation since 2013, a conversation that has been reignited in the past three months?

Like????

And I was willing—perhaps whitely and naively—to give Gail the benefit of the doubt with Soap/Phineas. E&E was written in 2011, before Black Lives Matter was founded, before we began to have this nationwide reckoning with how Black and brown folks are treated systematically and especially by police violence. These conversations were definitely being had in 2011, but they were seen as fringe discussions and not necessarily part of the mainstream narrative as it is today.

However. It’s not 2011. It’s 2020.

It’s been 7 years since BLM was founded, and there have been countless discussions happening about racism and systematic issues in publishing and with white writers writing Black characters since that point.

Soap/Phineas has been mentioned or has cameo’d in The Custard Protocol and in Meat Cute. There’s been no conversation about his name or the way he has been described  And both he and Judd fall into the Caring-POC-Partner trope which has been discussed very heavily in romance circles and in ways I am not necessarily equipped to discuss in this post. But I will link to this post for everyone to read: https://medium.com/@ashiamonetb/queer-love-interests-of-color-and-the-white-gaze-8928b7b5e6ad

It’s 2020. These conversations have been being had, quite fervently, for many years, so there’s absolutely no excuse with how Judd is approached or treated in this book.

And here’s the CRUX of all this.

This book isn’t even really about Judd.

It’s about Colin.

Even though Judd is on the cover of the book, in all of his objectified Black body goodness, the plot of the story is about Colin. It’s very much entrenched in Colin’s issues with his family and his identity. Judd is there to take care of Colin and ~guide~ him and ~teach~ him things. To protect him. To be sexy to him.

See the medium article above. See the conversation about objectification above.

So if this book is SO MUCH ABOUT COLIN, why is Judd on the cover?

Why is Judd naked and glistening and Black on the cover of the story about the trials and tribulations of a white twink?

…Do I really have to say it? Maybe I do. It’s racist.

It might not be intended that way, but it is.

And look. There were parts of this book that I found enjoyable. I am still a fan of Gail’s wit and the way she writes. I’m a sucker for the found family trope, which all of these books have, and I really like Trick and Marvin. I’ve been where Colin is. I’ve fucked around with my gender presentation and been scared to out and fabulous or be perceived a certain way because I present a certain way.

But I’m really frustrated and frankly ANGRY with the racist stereotypes and gay stereotypes present in this book. It doesn’t feel like this was sensitivity read at all, by anyone. The book feels like a culmination of racist and homophobic trends that make me feel that Gail hasn’t been paying attention or listening to the cultural reckoning happening nationwide or in publishing.

And yes, there is a lot of “don’t idolize authors” talk, but here’s the thing.

Gail isn’t some anonymous author to me, someone I can just cancel and be done with.

Gail is a mentor to me. We’ve hung out at multiple cons, shot the shit about publishing, and talked about queer shit together with. We aren’t close, but she’s a friend (liminal space, etc). She gets a Christmas card from me every year, she asks after my partner when we chat. We’ve been in each other’s orbits for TEN YEARS.

I have this entire sideblog dedicated to her books, for fucks sake.

So when I read shit like this, it makes me upset. This book is a pile of microaggressions that stacked into a macroagression. It’s insensitive, definitely hurtful, and feels exceptionally tone deaf (AT BEST) to have written and released this book.

She has people in her inner circle who could have caught this if we’d been allowed to read it before hand, if we’d been a part of the beta process. But we weren’t. And it shows.

Gail, this is a message directly for you: You talk a lot about supporting people. You reblog lots of #ownvoices work and have been plugging a lot of #ownvoices fiction. I know (or at least hope) you’re a good person.

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

Why is this book such a disaster?

Have you been listening at all?

And I get it, we all have things to learn and things to unlearn. As white ally, and as a member of the queer community, as someone in your inner circle and as a friend (liminal space!), I get it.

I’m also saying this isn’t ok.

This book that you’ve written is not okay. Not even a little bit.

Here’s the thing: you can fix it (or you can try). It’s gonna be hard and require difficult conversations and actions, but you can.

If you want to know more, if you want to talk: you know how to contact me. I’ll give you my number. We can email, Skype, Zoom, text, call, whatever. I know I’m not the only member of the Pigeons that feels this way. You have people here to help.

As for everyone else:

As might be apparent I have…a lot of feelings right now. I’ve loved these books for so long, made a friend (liminal space!) with the author through social media. Genevieve Lefoux, and Sidheag, and Aggie, and lots of other characters mean a lot to me. Gail’s books have helped me through hard times and hard places, and she’s influenced a lot of whom I am as a writer.

But right now having this blog, dedicated to all these books with this massive subthread of racism and stereotypes, feels…not great.

And I don’t know if I can continue to support Gail and continue to be a fan (and a friend) if she keeps up with this.

[marshmallowprotection]

I read your tag about what if lila was shipped with saeyoung instead and it was so cute. i want to see him dressed like a lolita too! do you have any more headcanons on how it would go? 👁️ And what if Saeran was with Minji and Judas. What would that be like? I feel like Minji and Saeran would have a fun time cooking together. But its hard to imagine how Judas and Saeran bonding looks like.

I think I’ve talked about it before, but it’s definitely been a while since I’ve had the thought on my mind. So, let’s consider the possibility here and play around with the timeline and see what would happen if we swapped around the MCs in their relationships. 

Now, I suppose would be smarter to start with Judas since he is involved with Saeyoung much earlier than Lila meets Unknown, or Ray, it just depends on the timeline. Judas, as we all know, is a former informant and would take power by gaining secrets using his body or his promises to get what he’d wanted. He was fixated on revenge and destroying his ex-boyfriend who was to become the next head of a Mafia ring.  

 He spiraled wildly out of control until he fucked up one day. He made a mistake and took down the wrong guy, and it landed a hit on his head. They saw him as a nuisance until he proved himself angry and crafty, and he knew he was rightly fucked. He made a deal with Saeyoung’s agency to trade his secrets for some kind of protection, but we all know the agency wanted his secrets and then they were going to kill him. 

Judas actually met Minji one evening and escorted her home when she walked int the wrong side of town and that was what helped Saeyoung vet Minji when she appeared in the apartment. Now, if we were to say that instead of making one mistake, he meets Rika at some point and she wants him for his powers of true coercision. She sees his anger and righteous fury and loves it. He could make a good boy who deceives others for the cult. It’s hard to trick him, but I think if he offered to help him kill his Ex, he’d take it, and she’d trick the trickster because of his weakness. 

That puts him interacting with Unknown very often. Judas loves to flirt and play around with others for fun. He, like Lila, tends to prefer fashion that is princely in nature and we all know how Unknown feels about fancy clothes and pretty folks. That’s a weakness. I imagine he and Unknown could both bond over revenge in a rather easy way. It’s possible there is tension between the two of them over a lot of power. Trust me, this is the only way that it’d work. They’re both angry and they’re both determined to destroy everyone that hurt them. 

I can see them having this love-hate relationship where they argue a lot and it turns into I-hate-you-but-I-want-to-kiss-you tension. However, they both have a lot of vulnerabilities. They both have mother issues. They both want to be seen and noticed. They both craved to be loved. It’s easy for them to use each other to cope. Unknown would give Judas hell over the small height difference that they have and assert himself and Judas would bite back. 

Now, if Unknown changed his mind at the last second with what he wanted in an assistant, and he took Minji instead... well, that just means that he’s picked Ms. Sunshine incarnate. Minji has a big heart and she knows nothing of suffering and misery. All she knows is that she wants to keep striving towards her dreams of being a baker. It’s odd with them because Minji is taller than Unknown is but he’d had a way of making her uneasy. 

She might have questioned why she was helping him break into an apartment and he got the upper hand on her by surprise. She’s a lot stronger than he is so he didn’t get the slip-on her that’d be messy. She wouldn’t know how to act with him biting and being so patronizing at first. Yet, she’d help him because she can see that she’s got no choice. She decides to get to know him and understand Mint Eye better so she can see why he is the way he is. 

I imagine Minji would be forced to spend a lot of time making sure that Unknown ate something other than liquid sugar. She’s hopeless at hacking. That’s what he would settle for. He would tell her what to do and she wouldn’t fight him but she would try to pick him apart piece by piece until Lila because she isn’t entirely in danger of being hurt. 

Let’s see, her cheery optimism that doesn’t die bothers Unknown. She would do these kind things to him and he would be so fucking lost, man. His heart would pound wildly for some reason when she ruffled his hair and did things for him with no prompting needed on his end. I imagine that he finds that the longer that he’s around Minji, the more he feels like he has a partner that he can trust. That is until Judas starts pushing in. 

Rika wants Unknown to get someone in that apartment right now. So, she pushes Judas to work with him and his new assistant to find out who would be best for this situation. Judas remembers helping Minji and flirts with her quite a bit, and Unknown warns him that she’s his. Judas is going to keep pushing his buttons and he’s going to keep pushing at Minji. It’s going to be tense and Minji is going to find herself working with these two guys, trying to protect the next person that winds up in the apartment she was meant to walk into—

And at the same time, she’s finding more and more that she’s got feelings for the two guys that she’s working with. Unknown is angry but when he has nightmares at night and needs comfort, he shows her that he’s got a heart. Judas helped her in the past and she trusts him, even if she’s lost in his hatred. Her kindness in the face of cruelty is to be admired. 

 I imagine this relationship is one where all parties have feelings for each other but are pretty torn and confused about how to bring the pieces together. In the end, if they’re able to be saved from Mint Eye, I can imagine that SE Saeran will have the most fun just devoting his time in the kitchen helping Minji and being her assistant, hilariously. She just makes him feel safe and warm. Who wouldn’t feel safe when their tall girlfriend scoops them up and dotes on them? Now, it would be harder with Judas. 

I know that they’re going to have sassy banter and they’re going to be snarky, even catty. Their relationship is one where both parties keep pushing the other to their limits, and then they wind up kissing. It just works for some reason that I can’t explain. Judas can be very... high-maintenance but that doesn’t mean that Saeran can’t bite back. 

Can you imagine their cuddle pile? Minji is in the middle and both of the guys are curled up next to her and it’s kinda cute, wtf. 

Now on the flip side, let’s talk about what would be going on with Lila. We all know that Lila more or less left home after she had a big blow-up with her sister, who misunderstood just how much their mother was bullying Lila after she had moved away. It was a big spat. She left because she needed to... not be near the family anymore. She’s hurt and upset but she just wants to be as far as she can get from home. So, this is the first place her hand landed on the map and she went with it. 

She’s insecure, and the only time that she feels like she can be herself is when she’s in Coordinate. If she’s not wearing a cute dress, then she’s looking at the ground and clutching onto the ends of her sleeves. She’s quiet, but she will say things if she has to. She’s also a painter that gets lost in her thoughts, I would call her paintings a blend of Rococo style and Impressionism if that makes any sense. The objects on the canvas feel Rococo but the style itself on the board is Impressionist. 

Let’s say that she wasn’t the object of Ray or Unknown’s infatuation in this AU of yours. I think that Judas would pick her from the crowd and Minji would have given the idea to go and pick someone quiet and easy to manipulate, even if she didn’t say it like that, she gave him the idea. Judas takes it upon himself to bug her phone by tricking her and saves Unknown and Minji the trouble of getting her to open some phishing email. 

She winds up in the apartment, just as confused as everyone else is and she realizes that she got tricked. She just wanted to help someone because she’s a selfless type. She’s lucky if she doesn’t have a panic attack from that happening, but that aside, I think Seven would realize really fast that she’s just a girl who’s from overseas who got tricked because she didn’t think things through. Her use of Korean is a little messy, too, which sort of helped the fact that it was easy to trick her. 

You can Seven felt drawn to her the minute that he started looking into her past and her social media. After all, how can he not find a girl that spends her free time sewing and crafting outfits delightful? He can see that she’s hiding behind a mask just as he is from the start. She’s rather polite to him but he knows that it’s lovely to hear her laugh. She always humors his jokes and pranks for some reason that he can’t understand but it isn’t long before Lila sounds a bit sad whenever she talks to him late at night. 

He means to say, how can she be so polite and straightforward on the chat, and yet, he’s got her laughing so hard she’s crying on the phone? 

He probably won't get the answer until he’s locked in that apartment with her and there’s nowhere for him to go but the corner. Lila clearly is barely holding herself together but she’s biting her tongue and her fears to make sure that Seven feels like she doesn’t blame him because she doesn’t. She’s kind of blaming Rika for asking for a fucking bomb. Who asks for a fucking bomb? 

It isn’t until Lila breaks down in front of him and admits why she feels so happy and at peace with Saeyoung, and it’s because his jokester mask reminds her of her big sister. Her sister is always smiling and laughing, but there’s a pain in her heart that she’s hiding. Whenever Lila talks to Seven now, she thinks about how much she misses her sister but at the same time, she thinks about how much pain Seven must be in. She saw him hear that everyone had lied to him and he had been hiding so much for the sake of everyone around him. 

She’s able to confront him about lying about who he is. She tells him that he can’t hide behind a mask. That won’t make anyone happy, and it won’t make him happy. It’s what she failed to say in the past, and now she finally has the power to confront this problem head-on. She cares about Seven because he makes her laugh and forget about everything, but she also cares about those moments they have had where he whispers his fears to her and she listens to him say it all in the dead of night. 

Seven has to admit that she’s right. He’s not happy, but he wants to be happy and nobody has ever told him that he has the right to fight for his happiness if he wants it. He tried to break her by saying that she’s hiding behind her own mask of some polite princess, and Seven pushes her outside of her bubble and all of a sudden, she’s been tested. She finds herself standing taller and looking people in the eyes, without fear anymore. 

They push each other to bring out the good inside of themselves that they’ve been hiding because they were too scared to be themselves. 

I can see Saeyoung and Lila as this couple that tests each other. He pushes her buttons and makes her believe in herself. She pushes him to be himself, and not once fear that. They’re supportive. Saeyoung gets to explore his gender identity more with Lila and boy, does he not mind being called she/her, or they/them, he isn’t picky, but there’s something about being able to dress up and be doted on in this fashion that makes Saeyoung feel good. 

I HC him as NB/GenderFluid, have to throw that in there. I just want Lila to playfully call Saeyoung her girlfriend when they’re dressed up together and that redhead to turn into a mushy mess. I think there’s potential with the two of them to get along really well, I just never think of them in a romantic way because I’d fear that people would assume that Lila is projecting onto Saeyoung kind of like Yoosung does with RIka. 

Oh, boy. I said too damn much. 

[aethalen]

Riverstones

@heoneyology; some sassy Sunwoo lovin’ that’s rusty as hell but I hope you yell about it anyway.

2,877

Sunwoo was probably one of the most complex pieces that attempted to fit into your puzzle in the wrong slot, but despite that, he seemed to try—hard. How you came to meet, you don’t really remember, because since meeting him, your primary focus was to get under his skin, the same way he was trying to get under yours. The things you hated about him the most—his stubbornness, his competitiveness, and sometimes his bad attitude—only pushed you to be more stubborn, more competitive, and have an even worse attitude with him.

At first, your friends—the mutual ones by which you meet Sunwoo in the first place—thought it was kind of amusing. In the beginning, they found it endearing; two people butting heads in constant competition, but it got to the point where sometimes they couldn’t even stand to go out with the two of you at the same time.

Which was unfortunate, because his friend group was your friend group and as competitive as the two of you could be sometimes, it came down to splitting some of the boy’s time for separate occasions. The last time they would take the two of you out, it turned into a competition to see who could sprint down the side of the river the fastest, and ended with him bumping into you (perhaps on accident, but you didn’t question it at the time) and you shoving him clean off the bank and into the river, yelling about him being a cheater and trying to trip you up just to win a short dash.

Changmin took it upon himself to take you out to coffee to see if you could work things out.

“He’s infuriating,” you stated plainly when he asked you what your beef with Sunwoo was. “Everything with him is a competition, he’s always better than everyone at everything and—”

“And you feel it’s necessary to remind him that he can’t just do whatever he wants—”

“And have whatever attitude he wants! He’s stuck up and snooty!”

“I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, but have you ever considered he’s just playing around?” Changmin asked. He didn’t want to rub you the wrong way with that question, but when you were just about as stubborn as Sunwoo was… you crossed your arms over your chest, and that about ended your coffee outing.  

It was never just playing around when everything the other said was an eyebrow-twitching, corner-of-the-mouth-turning, edge-of-a-spat retort. Sunwoo always had something to say after you; it never mattered what it was about, he always refused to let you be the last voice heard. Needless to say, it got on your nerves, and fast, to the point where whenever he’d chime in while you were a part of the conversation, you gave him a taste of his own medicine. Everything always quickly escaladed into a near screaming match and you, trying to be the bigger person, usually stormed off when one of the boys would gently touch your arm.

You walked away, but not by your own wishes; teeth-gritting, nose-snarling, fire in your eyes as you stared him down until you finally turned away, and if you ever saw the cocky upturn of his lips in a victorious smile, it may be the last time anyone saw Sunwoo.

To be honest, you would have been fine being completely removed from Sunwoo and still able to keep your friends—his friends. The only upshot that came with that was the boys constant badgering about your beef with Sunwoo, to which you frequently fired back with the same idea, “Whatever his beef is with me.”

A couple of boys had honestly never considered it; that fiery boy was always that way, and they’d never considered him to be any different; but that one eye-opening comment turned them upside-down, and consequently so on Sunwoo. When he was barraged with questions about what his problem was with you and why he always had to have the last word and why everything was a competition, he simply answered the same way you always did: it was always the other’s fault.

You didn’t need thinking—you were only ever that way with him because he was that way with you first. Others decided the tone of your relationship with them; but he was a different case. The questions lent themselves to long nights on the river bank, throwing any size stone across the water no matter the weather for Sunwoo. All the intense thinking had him hyperaware of every crease and crevice, every imperfection on the smooth faces of the river stones he skipped across the placid water. No matter how many rocks he skipped, no matter how many he just chucked out there in frustration, no matter how many times he ran a hand through his hair—he refused to look the problem straight in the face.

“You’ve been out here for hours,” Changmin commented, taking a seat in the plush grass of the bank next to his younger friend.

“I don’t get it. I go through every scenario over and over. Obviously, I don’t know what I’m doing because it had to be pointed out to me; what I don’t get is why,” Sunwoo replied with a frustrated sigh on the tail end, chucking another rock deep into the river’s current.

“I think you’re approaching it from the wrong angle,” Changmin suggested, picking up a smooth rock from his side, rubbing his thumb across it to get the proper hold before flicking it across the water, skipping it all the way to the other bank. “You always act without thinking, first. What is the purpose behind the things you say, the challenges you make?”

“That’s the part I can’t figure out,” Sunwoo answered dejectedly.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Changmin’s lips.

“You’re trying to get attention, but you’ve never been very gentle about it,” Changmin replied, casting another stone across the water. His stones always skipped further, had the right amount of finesse. “Maybe if you’re a little softer, you’ll get a better result.”

__

When it was suggested to you that maybe you should try hanging out with the group again with Sunwoo there, you avidly rejected the idea; slander on his attitude flew out of your mouth faster than you could breathe because why should you give him another chance when he already ruined the fifty before that?  It took some coaxing, but his change in attitude almost gave you whiplash.

At every corner, you were ready to cut him off when he had some retort after everything you said; you were always on your toes, waiting for him to issue another challenge. This mild-mannered boy was foreign to you, and if anything, it only made you more suspicious of him. He never sat next to you or even engaged with you too directly. It was like his abrasiveness had been stripped away, and this was the quiet boy you were left with.

He seemed to be able to sense your hesitation about him, now that he was focused on checking himself at every breath, quickly realizing that it was just him approaching the situation from a bad angle. He felt your eyes on him just as much, but differently now. They were no longer daggers looking to defend from any semblance of a fight; instead, they were almost curious, and when he met eyes with you, they didn’t hold the same fire he was notorious for. They were soft, glittering like the moonlight against the river, the gentlest gaze he’d ever graced you with since meeting him.

Even then, he didn’t say anything as he sat catty-corner at the game table set up in your apartment. In fact, you could have sworn he almost smiled before his gaze cast down at the table and back to the cards in his hand.

Progressively, you opened up and let your guard down. When you had a game night, or went out for a movie, or anything that involved the two of you, you laughed freely, conversed freely, observed freely… often catching Sunwoo’s gaze with yours before he would quickly look away. You began overthinking it—maybe he was chastised for the way he acted around you and now was reduced to this mute replacement who hardly ever engaged with you anymore.

He quickly proved you entirely wrong that same night that you were leaving the cinema when the weather got unpredictable and a little chilly. While the boys, properly bundled or unaffected by the cold, stood around to chat, you were finding yourself staving off goosebumps that crawled underneath your skin with every brush of the wind. Sunwoo, quiet and observant as he’d newly become, was the first and maybe the only to notice.  

Undetected, he shifted out of the circle and moved a few boys a couple of steps to stand between you and Changmin, your closest safety net int the group, and before you could even feel the new presence make itself known, he was already draping a warm piece of clothing over your shoulders which felt familiarly like a leather jacket.  You looked over, not finding Changmin where he was just a moment ago, and instead was captured in the gaze of those same shimmering eyes that now held a different type of look for you.  One second away from protesting, he was the first to speak.

“I wasn’t going to stand there and watch you shiver for however long we’re all going to pointlessly chat,” he whispered to you, casting off his sentence with a gentle laugh—one you’d never heard from him before. Sunwoo was the farthest from gentle; at least, you’d always known him so. Your jawed queued something to say multiple times, but instead you remained quiet while your fingers reached for the opening to pull it tighter across you, blocking a little more wind out.  

At long last, your hesitation for the other shoe to drop vanished. Sunwoo was far more manageable and frankly, garnered your attention far more often than not. You had brought it up like word-vomit on your weekly coffee outing with Changmin, and after that, things changed even more.

“So, what’s with Sunwoo? Did you all yell at him or something?”

Changmin smiled against the vented lid of his coffee cup with knowing eyes and continued with his sip before setting it down.

“Why do you ask?” Changmin asked, trying to play dumb.

“I just mean that he’s being a lot nicer, a lot less aggressive and competitive and stubborn and all those other words I previously used to describe him. He’s actually… pretty sweet,” you answered, forfeiting a lot more information that you had hoped to a little too early, and consequently your gaze snapped to his to make sure you actually did say all those things. The smile spreading across Changmin’s lips only confirmed your fears, and you were fighting the burning on your face and the surprise in your eyes as you looked back at him.

“I know exactly what that means,” he replied, bringing his coffee up for another sip as those plotting gears started spinning in his head.

__

A late summer night brought Sunwoo to the bedroom window of your place, a collection of small pebbles in the pocket of that same leather jacket. One by one he plucked them out, throwing them up to the glass pane that glowed with the soft yellow light from a bedside lamp through thin white curtains. You had to have still been awake—he hoped you were still awake.

Pebble by pebble he threw, some hitting the shiplap of your apartment building and others landing against your window, hitting a few times before you finally got up to investigate. When you drew the curtain, Sunwoo was sure his heart leapt into his throat. Nerves suddenly overtook him and he considered dashing, or at least slinking into the shadows; but he shook it off and stood his ground—he needed to say what he came to say.

You pulled the glass up after spotting him, but your tone wasn’t as welcoming as he anticipated.

“Sunwoo, what are you doing here?” you snapped. Was this it, the other shoe dropping?

Just as yours had done so in the past, his jaw queued a couple of responses. The moonlight on his face made his skin glow to perfection, his eyes shimmer that same gorgeous way they always did as he looked up at you and finally decided what to say.

“I… I came to apologize,” he called up to you, his shoes shifting against the grass of the landscape as he stirred for some confidence.

Although you may have been interested in what he had to say, it was too little too late and your hands grabbed the bottom sash of your window with the intention of pulling it closed—

“Please, hear me out,” he snapped before you could close the window on him. “Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot, it was a rough start and, frankly, a long rocky road. I was wrong for the way I treated you, and I needed a little guidance to realize my purpose. I see now that it may have seemed like I despised you, but in all honesty, I’m just really bad at trying to get your attention.”

You swallowed hard, unsure of where exactly this was going, but suddenly your small confession to Changmin seemed like an avalanche waiting to fall. He would never rat you out, would he?

“That’s all I ever wanted. I just wanted you to notice me, to stand out among the others. My approach was… garbage, to be nice. I just wanted you to see me—”

“I don’t think you lacked there,” you replied stiffly. He scoffed.

“So, I’m not really good with words either, and I know you’re hurt with me for the way I treated you, but I thought maybe with the way things have turned around, with how much more open you’ve been with me and actually allowed me to get closer to you, that we could start over?” he inquired. “I heard along the grapevine that you’ve had a change of heart, too.”

And that was it; the avalanche came crashing down like a ton of bricks, and the only defense you thought you had left came out like word vomit.

“You think after everything you did, that I’m just going to come down there and we’re going to kiss and make up?

A smile broke on his face as his gaze cast down to the grass. “I knew deep down in there, that you were just as stubborn without me exacerbating it. Despite that, I don’t think you’re any less beautiful. I don’t think you’re any less sweet, or attentive, or desirable. The fire is one of the biggest reasons I was attracted to you in the first place.”

“Kim Sunwoo,” you almost growled, almost choking on that knot in your throat, especially when his gaze turned back up to you.

“Give me a chance,” he answered. “If you’re going to use my full name like that, certainly I poked at affectionate feelings in there, huh?”  

You wanted to smile; something about him just brought that tingling to your lips that you tried to hold back as you cocked an eyebrow.

“And if you did?” you dared.  

“Then I might just return to my stubborn roots, and poke them until you come down here.”

You took the sash of your window and tugged it closed, but Sunwoo looked up at it hopefully. He could see the shadow move around behind the drawn curtain and, with a twinge of a smile, waited patiently for the sound of your front door closing behind you. It wasn’t long before you stood in front of him, a light cardigan over your shoulders that you pulled across your body, stepping eye-to-eye with him.

He looked at you with eyes glittering like the universe, the way he had been looking at you for quite some time now, and you didn’t even flinch when he lifted his hand to gentle brush his fingertips against your cheek before you leaned into his touch, pressing his warm palm flat against your skin.

“You know, you’re a lot sweeter than you were before,” you told him, your fingertips somehow finding his on his free hand, playing gently with them as a shy smile cracked against his mouth. He took your hand entirely in his and brought it up to his lips where he kissed the back of your palm and subsequently every single one of your fingers, all the while never once looking away from you.

“I tried to meet fire with fire, because that’s what men with big egos do, and sometimes we need to be kicked down a little bit.”

“A little bit?” you asked.

“Don’t push it,” he answered, fingers sliding from your cheek against your jaw and to the back of your neck to gingerly cup it, just enough to tug you forward and press his lips against your forehead.

[blackjack-15]

What are some of your favorite plot twists or unexpected moments in Nancy Drew games?

Hi Anon! Thanks for the question! I’m always up for talking about Nancy Drew (even if the metas do take me forever to write) and this was an awesome prompt to think about.

It’s safe to say that there will be spoilers afoot, so beware if you haven’t played the following games: DDI, WAC, TMB, DED, and SPY.

With the spoiler warning out of the way, here’s a roughly numbered list of my top 5 plot twists or unexpected moments in the Nancy Drew games!

#5. It’s Katie! …or not. (DDI)

This plot twist goes by so quickly that it really can’t be any higher on this list, but it’s still a great moment that got me good when my sister and I first played this game.

Near the end of the game, Nancy gets down to the Lair of the Bad Guy and sees Katie Firestone’s head over the back of the chair. For a moment you’re completely convinced that she’s behind everything — but when Nancy walks up to confront her and spins the chair around, Katie’s duct-taped and tied up, signaling that she’s not the mastermind after all.

It’s…it’s not a subtle moment, per se, but it is much less grand than some of the other options on the list, which is why it rests comfortably on the #5 spot. It’s well played and well executed, however, and totally suckers you in the first time you play DDI.

#4: Bess gets real with Nancy (TMB)

This one doesn’t count as a plot twist, but it is an unexpected moment, so I feel like it fits in with this ask.

There’s a great (and sadly easily missable) dialogue with Bess after Nancy finds out about the Daughters of Nefertari from Jamila. Nancy’s going on about how she doesn’t understand this secret society that passes on obligation from mother to daughter, and Bess cuts through with a simple truth: that she sees Jamila’s and Nancy’s quests as similar, positing that Nancy’s obsession with mysteries comes from her mother’s death.

It’s a moment that could, in the hands of a lesser writer, grind the game to a crashing halt and invite melodrama — but it doesn’t. Instead, Bess — who has been Noticeably Sassy with Nancy the entire game — lays it out simply and matter-of-factly, causing Nancy to stop and actually listen to a possible reason of why she’s so driven to solve mysteries.

It’s a great character moment for Bess (and for Nancy, but mostly Bess) and sets up the next few games (culminating in SPY), but it’s also unexpected in its place as a solid character development moment, and helps to open up the games further, establishing a world where things bounce off each other and comparisons like this can be made.

There’s shades of Jamila’s mother’s “she’ll never let you leave” in Kate’s last correspondences, and I think that the games and the world of the games are better for it.

3: Seeing double (WAC)

Truth be told, I prefer the #4 moment to this one, but this is definitely the stronger plot twist/unexpected moment out of the two, and deserves the #3 spot.

This is of course, the classic moment when Nancy sees the Hubbard Twins for the first time, realizing that she’s been dealing with not one but two girls the whole time she’s been there.

It’s a very Poe-inspired moment, hinging on Poe’s preferred themes of deceptions and shadow selves, and it suits WAC down to the ground.

Twins are also just fun in video games, since they’re two characters for the price of one, and they round out WAC’s extremely large (relative for a Nancy Drew Game) cast of wild and catty rich teenagers.

I love “secret” (unlockable?)  characters in the Nancy Drew games in general (the Hardy Boys in TRN/CRE, the twins here in WAC, the #1 spot on this list, to name a few), and the execution is perfect here.

#2: Benedict Arnold strikes back (SPY)

There is a much bigger plot twist in this game — Zoe Wolf — but as much as I love her and her alter egos, for me the more haunting plot twist in a haunting game is the reveal that Logan, Savannah’s assistant in SAW and a hilarious bit character who existed to slam the phone on you and to flirt with Bess, is actually a Cathedral Operative — a super spy, in other words, reporting on Nancy (and the worrying state of her psyche) to Cathedral.

Once again, this is a quick moment, and is actually quite easy to miss (it’s a sentence in an optional reading area — a testament to the fact that nothing in the Nik games is “optional reading”), but it casts SAW in a slightly different light as Nancy’s light-hearted battles with Logan are now a spy navigating around Nancy, exposing her weak points and sending them to the same organization that led to her mother’s death.

This is another moment where a plot twist opens up the world of Nancy Drew, and shows that the games connect and that there are consequences for each action Nancy takes. While dealing with Logan gets her the info she needs to talk to Savannah and solve the case in Kyoto, the trade off is that now Cathedral knows more about her psyche and how to manipulate her — and that’s the information that kicks off SPY in the first place.

#1: “Victor’s here.” (DED)

This is by far my favorite plot twist, not because I didn’t see it coming (I absolutely did because there’s no reason to animate a sprite just for a video call) but because it really throws a wrench into the “classic pattern” for a Nancy Drew game (for the better).

Deadly Device in general is a game dedicated to seemingly playing the Nancy Drew formula straight while actually subverting it at every turn (more on that in a future meta…though I’m only on DOG right now so maybe don’t mark it on your calendar), and Victor’s change from a phone contact to a physical suspect is the perfect example of exactly how far they subverted the formula.

Niko’s office and the lounge both represent safe areas for Nancy in the game, so it’s stunning (and not a little disconcerting) to have Victor take over Niko’s office, removing a safe area and the place closest to Niko (other than his secret office, but Nancy might not have discovered that at this point). 

It’s an actively antagonistic move against both Nancy and the player, and it forces Nancy to get a little more creative in how she snoops, and makes her trust the people that, up until now, she’s actively distrusted and even antagonized.

The last fourth of DED is half Nancy Drew game, half stealth game, and really hones in on the fear that Victor could show up at any moment (and he does in Style at the end, knocking out Gray and Nancy with his bare hands). It’s a unique experience in Nancy games, and I love it.

[kai-eastaughffe]

truth or dare; kai eastaughffe

The night already peaked by the time Kai’s turn was up. He had come down off the high off the lip sync battle---gracefully conceeded to Samuel, on the basis that one man sacrificing his dignity to Avril Lavigne should logically outweigh what essentially became a group dance-off with Lady Marmalade, and the excellence of that was in no way Kai’s doing---and he was slumped on the floor half-wasted already by the time he was poked in the ribs and forced back to attention.

He wasn’t looking forward to whatever people had planned for him. There’d already been a few curve balls, and he was, frankly, really worried about Salem, and Cleo. But, he couldn’t very well refuse after making most of the squad do whatever had popped into his head.

from cleo raja —

truth: what’s one thing you would change about everyone here?

dare: consume everything in the minibar, alcohol aside, in five minutes.

He could not afford the contents of the minibar at this point, even not including the alcohol. Nor did he want to. 

“Simple. We’d all have colour-coded or elemental or animal super powers, à la Power Rangers, or Sailor Moon.” He shrugged.

“We have never been, nor can we ever be, a proper friend group, since we don’t have a transformation sequence.” He downed the rest of his drink. Tonight was the first night he was really letting himself consume as much alcohol as he wanted---it seemed fitting. Then he continued, before anyone else could take over.

“See, Salem would be something dark and edgy like a black motif with ice and a panther, Leigh would be like a sassy lion and the colour orange. Danny would be yellow and something that flies, an eagle? TJ would be green with like, an alligator or a snake, Cleo would be red and maybe a badass scorpion or spider or a biker thing going on. Jenny might also be red---I feel like you’d rock the pink outfit, though, and maybe have some secret like you can control time and are the most powerful of us and no one knows it. Skylar would be purple and wind powers, something pretty like a butterfly but like---deceptive, her wingbeats make hurricanes, I dunno. Sam’d be blue, cause it’s like “leader-y”, but he’d have like... sweet water powers or maybe a wolf thing going on... I dunno. Dakota would be white, and his power would be...” Here he blanked. “To perfectly slice a bagel, or he’d turn into an airplane? I don’t know what your deal is these days, I dunno who you are, dude. Jules would be gold and control the sun, probably. Kelley would be silver---not because she’s second best though, silver ‘cause she’d turn into like a thousand knives, or just a fuckin’ tank.”

“And I’d be the, uhhh... Turquoise Ranger. There’s never a Turquoise anything. But it’s cool, ‘cause I’d also have a sloth patronus or whatever, and you guys would still have to bring me along anyway.” He folded his hands and surveyed the circle seriously.

“The defense rests.” Lawyer-talk, bonus points. He mimed sinking a basketball, for good measure.

from dakota harrison —

truth: who do you dislike most out of all of us?

dare: arm wrestle me.

It only took one glance at Kota’s arms before Kai scoffed. “Yeah, right. That’s happening---real suspense in who’d win, you clearly just want to look good. I’ll take truth... Who I dislike most...” He thought about it for a heartbeat, squinting around at the assembled group. Sure, there were some there he could take or leave, but no one he truly, deeply disliked more than... “Myself, obviously. Not that you’re not all terrible in your own special ways.” 

There was a deafening silence, and he glanced around. “What? Too edgy? It’s called a truth for a reason---” Someone helpfully pointed out that answering yourself was against the rules, and he grew slightly more irritated with all of them. But only for a second. “Fuck you guys, let me be the emo one for once.” He sighed. “Whatever, let’s just... give the people what they want.” He rolled up his right sleeve, and leaned forward to plant his arm in the middle of the circle before flashing Dakota a wide smile and saying, “Bring it, Beardface. And I mean it---you throw this out of pity or something and I will destroy you some other way when you least expect it.”

from jenny jordan —

truth: what was the cause of your weirdest boner?

dare: put five ice cubes down your pants and leave them there.

“Saying no to the ice dick, thanks, darlin’.” It was a little hard to look at her longer than a second without remembering what she’d said about his eyes and... all that. He still hadn’t quite recovered from the stuff people had said on their turns. Skylar thinking he had a good personality was... misguided, but okay... Salem’s was intentionally weird (as he’d requested, so that one was probably on him.) But Jenny’s confession had taken him utterly by surprise and he still wasn’t sure whether she’d been entirely serious, or if she’d had some other reason for praising him. 

He cleared his throat. “Weirdest boner? Mr. Fuller’s math class, apropos of trigonometry. Isosceles triangles just do it for me, I guess. Or, it was the hell that is puberty, and a light breeze could have the same effect, so.” He was answering a lot of truths, it turned out. Whether that would grow uncomfortable in the near future, he wasn’t sure, but at least for once it was a game of embarrassment for everyone, not just him.

from julian campbell —

truth: who in the room has hurt your feelings the most, and how?

dare: do your best impression of three people in the room - really commit to it.

Well, he knew he wasn’t gonna touch that truth with a ten foot pole. He’s not certain who he’d answer, anyway. Most of the incidents kind of blurred together, and the ones that really stung weren’t things he was willing to admit under any kind of torture. Which left him eyeing the other individuals for targets.

Of course, the more sensible thing would be to separate the impressions. But once he’d settled on them, a scene was already forming in his mind---and they had a brief stint taking Drama in high school to thank for that, he figured. “Alright, but I need props...” With an effort, he pushed himself up, then travelled around the room collecting what would be most effective---a pair of oversized sunglasses, a phone, a scarf, a pair of big headphones from his own bag tossed in the corner, and... yeah, that’d work. 

He then proceeded to enact a familiar situation to all of them, Jenny and Salem being catty at each other---sunglasses perched artfully on a dismissive smirk when it was her lines, scarf draped around his neck lazily for pretentiousness rather than representing any particular habit of Salem’s, but it worked, and Cleo in the headphones, snapping peevishly at the others as she looked at her phone at intervals.

By the end of five minutes his brain was stretched to capacity, he’d nearly strangled himself twice in headphone cords and the scarf, and the sunglasses were haphazardly pushed into his hair. “...in conclusion, you’re petty assholes who need to handle your issues better, and I don’t know why I love you,” he finished, breathlessly, before collapsing backwards on the floor.

from salem st. ives —

truth: did you cheat to get through law school?

dare: spend the rest of the game blind folded and wear ear plugs under headphones turned full blast (so that any other dares can get done to him and he’ll have no idea who did it).

He wrinkled his nose at the dare. “I would have to be horribly masochistic to be into that, I hope you know that. And I’m only like... maybe lightly masochistic most days, so you’ll just have to be treated to my full presence for the rest of the game.” It was hard to sweep a mocking bow while seated, but he tried to give one to Salem with minimal spillage of his drink.

“And I...” He paused, and covered it by sipping at the medley of alcohol in his cup---was it his? Had he just picked it up? It tasted like sour patch kids, and he was fairly sure he’d had something in the brownish family. “Is this someone else’s drink?” he asked, keeping the suspicion that maybe he was being pranked---extra bonus prank on Kai night, you know---a private one. “Anyway, it’s delicious, so thanks.” The potential prankster could have their laugh, his drink was delightful. “As I was saying, I did not cheat in law school.” It was, he told himself, the absolute truth. He’d never even been in law school---so how could he cheat? His smirk lost some of its pep when he remembered why that wasn’t exactly the triumph it should be. Someone, somewhere, had actually been in law school and not cheated---but it sure as hell wasn’t him. His mouth tasted bitter, and the stolen drink didn’t help any.

from samuel flores —

truth: do you still resent how the squad treated you in high school?

dare: prank call one of your coworkers.

And there it was. The kicker. ‘Cause he didn’t have coworkers to call---unless you counted Jeremy and Yolanda from the sandwich shop. Who would not take kindly to being disturbed---high priced lawyers might shrug that shit off as a laugh. Minimum wage dishwashers, or his manager, would not. And, believe it or not, he actually liked his coworkers. They thought he was good at his job---and he was, obviously, but they treated him like he was. He wasn’t going to subject them to the... Recapturing Lost Youth Squad. Yolanda had three kids, for fuck’s sake.

He swallowed the remains of his cup and studied the bottom. “I wouldn’t say I resent it,” he said, surprisingly calm and serious for the moment. “That makes it seem like I’m out for vengeance on everyone or hate you all. I don’t, at all. I just want... I dunno.” His voice dropped to a mumble. “Respect, maybe? Or... something...” And now, because of his stupid choice to pretend to be something he wasn’t, some of them actually did respect him, but it wasn’t even him, not really. They respected a complete and total fabrication. He’d almost gotten what he wanted, but it felt hollow and fake.

from skylar murphy —

truth: when was the closest you came to truly getting upset with the squad’s jokes on your behalf?

dare: spread a rumor about someone in the squad that really grinds your gears (i.e. whoever pokes fun at you too much from your perspective).

“Uhhh...” He tried to think, this time, of something specific. After a minute, he nodded. “I do remember one time...” Which in hindsight, might’ve been a precursor to things to come, but he hadn’t been too wise about that sort of thing until he started actively looking for them at his therapist’s bidding. “After we saw the Arcade Fire concert in junior year, and everyone had bought merch. Remember, it was like, a status thing? Wearing the shirts the next day if you’d been to the show? Teenagers are trash.” 

“Anyway, they were actually pretty tame as jokes go, just about the shirt and how I had finally made a decent fashion choice, combined with like... the occasional jab about how now I looked like all the other indie pricks at school.” It really had been totally run-of-the-mill day, all things told---except he’d actually loved that shirt, and the concert had been a good memory. And it’d only lasted a day, because of their idiotic taunts, and his skin being surprisingly thin that week. “Went home and burned the thing in the fireplace. Of course, our fireplace wasn’t equipped for synthetics or whatever was on the logo, I dunno... Anyway the house filled up with smoke and I had to evacuate the munchkins to the lawn,” he said, referring to his siblings. “And got in complete shit for it. Never told any of you, but I think that’s the most pissed I ever got.”

from tj powell —

truth: do you like leigh or salem better?

dare: run out into the hall, knock on somebody’s door, and ask to use their bathroom.

He toyed with his lower lip, looking directly at the dimly-aware Salem as he tried to decide. It should be an easy answer, but his drink had been spiked after all---with indecision and philosophizing, apparently, because it occurred to him that for all his resentment of Leigh becoming joined at the hip with Salem instead, there was something that wasn’t quite... It wasn’t jealousy, really, because he also liked Salem. Genuinely. If he’d been in her shoes, he’d have opted to hang out with Salem, too. So he didn’t really blame her, and that’s what made it complicated. Leigh was his oldest friend, probably. They understood each other, and she’d never cut him out---when she could have. They became a trio instead. He eventually realized he’d been silently musing and staring at Salem for quite some time, and shrugged. “Fuck it.” He got shakily to his feet and went out into the hall, made a show of being choosy about which hotel door he was going to disturb before selecting one at random and knocking.

And then knocking at another when the first didn’t answer. Finally, the door was jerked open. A tall man with a handlebar moustache to rival most cowboy movies loomed over him from the doorway. “What do you want.” He snapped.

Kai blinked. “Uh, I---I lost my room key---can I use your bathroom?”

The man stared at him---then down the hall, where he no doubt saw the heads of several onlookers. “No.” 

The door slammed inches from Kai’s nose and blew his hair back with the force of it. He was happy to retreat with his indignity and the thought of ‘I’m twenty eight fucking years old, what am I doing’ echoing shamefully in his head, until he realized he had an ace up his sleeve---or on his hand, rather. He grinned down the hall at his friends, took the bandage off his right palm from the failed blood oath with Cleo, and knocked again.

The door opened. “Fuck off---”

“Please,” he implored, clutching his bloody hand. “I just need to wash off the blood, and then I’ll go...”

The man’s eyes widened. “Shit! Yeah, come on---I know first aid. How’d you manage that, son?” 

Kai followed, face serious. Ten minutes later he came back to the room, freshly bandaged and more or less triumphant. 

[popatochisssp]

How are the boys with memes? Like who keeps up with the freshest memes, who has no clue what they are, and who (heaven forbid) uses Facebook mom memes?

I should be embarrassed by how ready to answer this ask I am. Well anyway, here goes! XD

Meme Fluent: Sans (Undertale), Papyrus (Undertale), Rus (Swapfell Papyrus), Papy (Horrortale Papyrus)

Can At Least Ask Where The Bathroom Is In Meme: Paps (Underswap Papyrus), Jasper (Underfell Sans), Slate (Horrortale Sans)

Meme-blivious: Sky (Underswap Sans), Pyre (Underfell Papyrus), Mal (Swapfell Sans)

And now specifics, because I have those, because I am way too prepared for this and have thought this out in detail with their Top Two favorite genres of meme because I am a meme-loving fuck, myself:

Sans (Undertale): Of course he’s hip to the meme scene. No explanation necessary there, except for the types of memes he’s into. Minions memes? Minions memes. He is a troll and a garbage sort of person, so he both ironically and unironically loves Minions. The cornier and more played out the meme, the more he loves it and shares it with all his family and friends to the point that they start to hate him. He exits way too many text conversations with the gif of Stuart walking to the pool in the little red speedo and everyone is very sick of it. But another thing genuinely loves is those funny product reviews people do of stuff: When somebody leaves a long review on a useless or silly product, that is his jam. His longest running favorite is literally everything posted about sugar-free gummy bears, but whether the review is sarcastic or overly dramatic in tone, he gets a good, long chuckle out of the stuff these people come up with and is at any moment a few hours away from trying his hand at the medium himself.

Papyrus (Undertale): More meme-savvy than you’d expect, but he doesn’t sleep much and most of the stuff he likes to do out of the house have ‘reasonable business hours,’ whatever that means, so the witching hours are his internet time! He’s a blogger at heart, though, and his favorites are WarriorMale and shitty-car-mods-daily– the former because he deeply resonates with the fighting-positive spirit of it, and the latter because they are so wrong and he has so much to say about all those incredible cars!

Sky (Underswap Sans): Doesn’t have much spare time to spend on the internet, so he is almost meme-illiterate, and the ones he does know are usually pretty old. He loves fun and positivity, so any of those image edits about loving and supporting your friends get a smile out of him, and doggo memes crack him the fuck up, every time. Heck, they do him the real big laughter! Bamboozled again!

Paps (Underswap Papyrus): He’s online a decent amount, but definitely not enough to understand every single meme he sees. He gets the gist of the really popular ones and has a tendency to hold onto his favorites a little longer than their shelf-life, but who decides a meme is dead, anyway? He loves The Onion headlines as reaction images, and he never fails to chuckle at a good, old fashioned Cask of Amontillado meme. In fact, he has a whole store of them printed out just to look at later. He keeps them down in the basement, would you like to see them?

Jasper (Underfell Sans): Similar to Paps, he spends some time on the internet, but not that much–he generally figures he has better shit to do, but it’s fun for unwinding a little every now and then. He is The Worst with his memeing, though, because his favorites are engineering fails and uncomfortable images. Mailboxes built in the middle of a driveway and ramps with railings through the middle are hilariously stupid to him, but he also gets a very mean-spirited chuckle out of sending people things like horses with dog-mouths, or a hunk of meat decorated to look like a donut, stuff that’ll make just about anyone go, “Hmm, don’t like that.” If looking at it fills you with discomfort and possibly even anger, he will locate it and send it to you at two in the morning.

Pyre (Underfell Papyrus): Is not even really sure what a meme is. Has way better shit to do in real life, or at least believes that he does, to be online very much at all! That said, he does have a small collection of gifs from all the reality shows and things with Real Housewives in them to use as reaction images because one thing he can really appreciate is the kind of petty, cattiness those ladies get up to and he likes to co-opt it when someone’s giving him attitude over text. Another thing he likes, though he has no idea that it was ever a meme or even meme-adjacent, is the Troubled Birds images– he actually has the physical book, he got it as a gift from Jasper and he’d never admit it but it is genuinely a treasured possession of his. HE IS LOOKING FOR TROUBLE AND IF HE CANNOT FIND IT, HE WILL CREATE IT!

Mal (Swapfell Sans): Actually the worst about memes because he knows what they are, but…well, there’s no other way to put it, he’s the Facebook mom memer, it’s him. He adores wine-mom memes especially, as a wine-drinker himself, but he’s also a huge fan of those ecards with sassy, bitchy messages on them. “I need to stop asking people ‘how stupid can you be?’ They’re taking it as a challenge!” That’s the kind of thing that gets a laugh from him and he always sends it to his brother who just sighs every time he sees one at this point.

Rus (Swapfell Papyrus): Now Rus spends a lot of time on the internet and it shows because probably his favorite sort of meme is what everybody keeps calling a resurgence in dadaist absurdism. Deep-fried images that don’t seem to make any sense, memes with at least twelve layers of meme-history that you need a Level 50 understanding of the internet to get, he loves those, which especially frustrates his brother because he doesn’t understand what Rus is laughing at??? WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT THIS THING!!! …So naturally, the most confusing and weird ones are Rus’ favorites to send along to make his bro all pissy and confused, revenge for the daily stream of Mom Memes he gets from him. But more for himself, Rus is also subscribed to several channels and blogs that do stim or satisfying videos. They’re calming and…well, satisfying to him, and he likes to watch those whenever he’s stressed out. Frosting ones are probably his favorites, if pressed he might admit he thinks they’re even more satisfying than eating what the frosting’s going onto.

Slate (Horrortale Sans): He’s on the internet plenty! There’s just no guarantee that whatever the latest in meme culture is will stick in his skull from day to day, so he’s not always as up-to-date as he could be. Still, he has a couple of big favorites in the meme trends, and the biggest one is vine compilations! He loves those, vines are short and he doesn’t have the longest short-term memory, but seven seconds is very doable for him. There’s also a lot of repeated vines across compilations, so by virtue of seeing it over and over again, he tends to remember more vines than he forgets, which is awesome! He loves referencing a vine and getting a chuckle of understanding out of someone, it’s been awhile since he’s been able to be on the inside of an inside joke! Another trend he likes is the rating/reviews of stuff, like emojis or animals. The glib tone and nonsensical criteria as to what makes an ideal XYZ is just really funny to him, and since those things usually also come in big, compiled posts, each individual review is short enough to read and move onto the next instead of getting so in-depth into a text-wall that he starts to forget where he started.

Papy (Horrortale Papyrus): Also doesn’t sleep much and spends a lot of his night on the internet! His personal taste in memery is a little mish-mosh though, because his big favorites are the translated Russian cat memes and any blog he can find that posts weird thrift store finds. The cat memes should require no explanation, but as for the thrift store stuff…If ever there exists a picture of an odd and/or utterly bizarre thing that makes you wonder how and why it ever came to exist, he’s both thrilled and delighted by it. He loves quirky and unique stuff and thrift stores are full of it! Seeing all the strange things people stumble upon makes him want to start doing some thrifting in real life to make finds of his own, but he also just loves to see what other people have discovered. He sends the most bafflingly odd ones to his brother… who usually responds with the Look What I Bought vine and the text, “its you.”