#which is to be expected i've never tried this style before and i don't think it's that bad a first attempt

[tricoufamily]

colored them hmmmmm

[sits-bound]

One year of fanbinding!

I keep thinking "I'm really new at this still" but I guess after a year, it's like, you don't have a puppy anymore, you have a dog. So now I'm in the dog phase of this hobby.

(I didn't make all of these, some were acquired in exchanges.)

In the past year, I have made around 54 books. (For the purposes of my sanity, I am not counting journals or sketchbooks, nor am I counting author/artist copies if the design was the same.)

54 books! In 52 weeks! That's basically a book a week!

Which binds are my favorites?

Ooh, that's hard. I tried to limit myself here, but these all are very special to me.

And I can't choose just one of these:

Honorable mention goes to this one, but I didn't design the typeset, so I can't take all the credit. But I do love the cover.

What's my favorite part of making books?

It's not surprising to me that typesetting is my favorite part. I designed a book for a local museum in 2007, and loved the process. Before that, I wanted to work in editorial design (I had a few jobs doing that in and after college, but that was in the olden days.)

I enjoy the part of physically creating the book too, but I find it a bit more frustrating. I'm not detail-oriented enough to make sure everything is perfect, and then I get frustrated when an endpaper is glued on slightly crookedly, or my text block isn't perfectly square. (Not that I have anyone to blame but myself!) That said, holding a completed book in my hands is the most satisfying feeling, after actually reading said book. I feel so smug when I'm reading a book I created.

I have a lot of imposter syndrome when it comes to the actual designing of covers. I know my strengths lie in manipulating existing content instead of creating it from scratch. So I need to stop comparing myself to other creators, and just do my best. We all have different styles, I tell myself.

What's next?

I'd like to learn how to sew endbands for once and for all. I have tried and given up in disgust so many times. I have watched so many videos and read many tutorials, and I just need someone to come to my house and show me in person.

I also would like to try to learn how to draw, a bit. I know I'll never be great at it, but I've also never tried to learn. I will be off work for a few months later this summer/fall, and I'd like to use that time taking some classes. Even if I could just draw designs to use on my covers, I'd be happy. I don't expect to be able to draw things or people.

I wanted to take up this hobby for a long time before I actually did it. I read through @armoredsuperheavy's guide like eighteen times before I worked up the courage to actually use it. So my advice to all of the people who tag my posts with "i wish i could do this" and "i want to do this"…do it!

[hotvintagepoll]

hotvintagepoll Hot Men Tournament rundown thoughts

I promised a final recap post and here it is! I'll try to cover the questions I saw the most as we closed out the bracket, reveal my ✨secret faves✨, and talk about the biggest surprises and turnarounds I saw in the brackets.

Yes, this will get silly.

ROUND 1

As I've mentioned before, I worked off submissions for who to include in the bracket, so if your fave was missing—that's why. I used submitted pics when I could, but many submissions didn't have one, so I tried to find decent ones in the couple of days I had to prep the first round (I didn't always succeed). By decent, I mean pics where 1) I could see the hot man's face, so not too much moody lighting, and 2) hopefully conveyed something about his vibe, even if it was a funny thing (yes, I showed Howard Keel in full Shakespeare get-up—I'm not beyond putting up a pic because I think it's funny). I didn't know all of these hotties going in, so some I had to guess with, but when I could I tried to pick shots that had a touch of the humor, class, or genre of the hot man.

For Round 1 and Round 2, I grouped the hotties by each decade, so only '60s actors ran against '60s actors, '50s against '50s, etc. Male beauty standards shifted pretty dramatically over the sixty years this tournament covers, and I didn't think it was fair to pit dramatically different styles of beauty against each other immediately.

I pitted hot men against each other based on opposing energies—hot vs cold, elegant vs rough, comedy vs drama, etc.. I wanted the polls to be interesting and I've never liked brackets where everyone is clearly in different "lanes" until the finals! I also wanted to make polls where I couldn't tell which way they would swing, so by setting matchups that felt opposite but equal, I got to be surprised by the bracket results too.

The only reason we had any three-way matchups is because the amount of men submitted didn't round to a nice bracket number. I don't like them generally and find them really hard to balance.

Secret faves from Round 1—I am a James Coburn girlie and knew he would die immediately, so that was not a shock but a bummer. I similarly knew Robert Preston is only magical to people who have seen him do His Little Dance Routines in That One Iowa Musical, but it would have been nice for him to last longer.

Surprises—Jeremy Brett was a last-minute add and I didn't think he really had a shot, so I put him in as a third wheel on the Sean Connery/Dean Martin matchup. Little did I count on the Granada girlies. (Always count on the Granada girlies.) The Elvis/Peter Falk poll was the first one to gain any momentum—Elvis was winning for the first 24 hours but then, my god, did Peter fight back. I didn't expect the Tab/Toshiro poll to make that bad a mincemeat out of Tab—people have different tastes, and I thought the people who like blonde sunny All American white boys might turn out for The Blonde Sunny All American White Boy. Sorry, Tab. I hope you've peeled yourself off the sidewalk by now. And, of course, I was SHOCKED and APPALLED that James Cagney would be obliterated by, of all people, Mr. Bing Crosby.

SHADOW BRACKET

The fervor of the Harold Lloyd and Fredric March people inspired the shadow bracket, and I couldn't be happier at the way it's gone. You were right, the original photos I had for them did suck. Cunty Harold Lloyd in his little life guard uniform was a revelation.

ROUND 2

For Round 2 I'd gotten a better sense of who was doing well and who was not, so a little of that came into play, but I mostly paired on vibes again. (I genuinely think this is a good way to make a fun, challenging bracket.)

Secret faves—Noooo not hot dilf Dick Van Dyke don't take my hot inventor dilf away uwu!!! (He was up against Marlon Brando. I would have been shocked if he'd won but for a minute there, a glorious second, it was possible.) I am also a big old softie for David Niven's particular brand of repression to the point of volcanic rupture, but he is one of many hotties who does not look good without moving and speaking so I figured he would be going.

So much beef—hey! hey you. I ran a poll asking if we are horny for dancers. Yes, was the resounding poll response. Where, then, did all the fucking dancers go? This round we lost Donald O'Connor, Fred Astaire, Harold Nicholas; Sammy Davis Jr., Danny Kaye, Frank Sinatra, and Bing Crosby all sneak into this category as well, by token of having been in the kind of big MGM bang-a-pan-and-put-on-a-show beloved bedlams we all watch at Christmastime. Round 2 voters HATED musical matchups. Except for one.

The one—SOUND OF MUSIC, the voters said, WE LOVE SOUND OF MUSIC. we will KILL the man responsible for salad dressing because of the SOUND OF MUSIC. every other dance man can die but THIS man dances a FOLK DANCE with JULIE ANDREWS in a GARDEN. I did not go into this poll with strong opinions about Christopher Plummer or Paul Newman but my god did I leave having heard all of them.

Surprises—James Edwards/Anthony Perkins matchup was a nail biter! Conrad vs Oscar kept me up at nights. Surprised to see Basil Rathbone survive against Sabu Dastagir—both very fetching, but Sabu had some top-tier propaganda. Cesar Romero put up a surprisingly stiff fight against Cary Grant (an omen for things to come).

Oh horrors—horror heroes surprisingly fell all over the place. I was sure either Bela Lugosi or Turhan Bey would sweep their three-way matchup, but Michael Redgrave of all people carried through; Boris Karloff went down against Johnny Weismuller (while holding hands with fellow fallen hottie Fred Astaire), but at least we got his guacamole recipe before he went. Delighted to see that the Venn diagram of the coalitions who support horror hero Vincent Price and funny lil guy Donald O'Connor is a circle.

Secret faves pt 2—oh yeah, I fucking love Danny Kaye and Donald O'Connor. RIP funny lil kings.

ROUND 3

For some reason this was the hardest one to make matchups for. Oh no, all the men are hot.

Secret faves—Michael Redgrave i love you SO much you're SUCH an idiot, how did you make it as far as round 3. I want you to sweep the whole thing but you should NOT be surviving this. I love you, here's a kiss, go home.

Surprises—Marlon Brando is gone! Errol Flynn is gone! Christopher Plummer exhausted himself beating the organic oreos man to death and goes out with a whimper. Beginning to actually see the roots of #mifunesweep as Tyrone Power, a hot man very different from Burt Lancaster, who was in turn very different from Tab Hunter, also gets swept under the wheels of the unbeatable toshirobus. Conrad Veidt finds that no amount of purring svelte eccentricity compares to the people who will fuck a young Lt. Columbo.

SHADOW BRACKET 2

Cannot believe it but Veidt loses this one too. Perkins sweeps and becomes Prince of the Shadow Realm!

ROUND 4

At this point I've set a formal bracket that I'm following.

Secret faves—this isn't secret anymore, but losing Jimmy Stewart hurt.

Surprises—The Gene Kelly/Jeremy Brett matchup was the diciest one all round, moving back and forth between the two by sometimes .01%. Far more surprising, however, was Cary Grant getting eliminated before the quarterfinals. Grant has never been my type, but he is famous for being THE type, so while the writing had been on the wall the whole tournament—how on earth did Michael Redgrave even get 36% in his matchup?!—seeing Grant go down was a SHOCKER. Other fallen hotties included Gregory Peck, James Dean, Harry Belafonte, and Sessue Hayakawa. Peter Falk finally met his match in Omar Sharif.

QUARTERFINALS

Secret faves—I don't know if it counts as a secret fave, tbh, as my horses in the race really went out with Stewart, but I do have a soft spot here worth mentioning. Here's my childhood dog, Keaton.

The resemblance is truly striking, and yes, he was short, fast, and not prone to smiling.

Surprises—I couldn't predict how any of these matchups would go down, but I was most interested in Keaton vs Sharif, as they are both SO hot in SUCH different ways.

SEMIFINALS:

This was such a good batch of semifinalist contestants. By this point I think we could all tell Mifune was unstoppable (though I thought Sharif might give him a run for his money), but I really didn't know which way Robeson vs Poitier would flip.

FINALS:

I wanted Sidney Poitier to pull a last-minute sweep out of nowhere, but alas, Toshiro is just THAT GOOD (maybe. I will admit that I find Toshiro's domination a little hard to believe, given the variety and hotness of all his competitors; the man is hot but all these men are hot). I'm still happy with how the tournament went.

FINAL MEDITATIONS:

Biggest shock of a dropout: the loss of Paul Newman

Biggest "you people have no taste": the loss of James Cagney

Biggest victory: Paul Robeson making it to the semifinals over often-assumed champion Gregory Peck

Biggest coalition who deserve justice: dancing men

Biggest ask character: vents anon (currently eating Laurence Olivier)

Biggest, uhh, anything: how many of you are here! I genuinely thought it would be me and 10 other people voting for the whole tournament. I'm thrilled it took off like this!

I think that's everything, but I'm happy to answer addl asks. And THANK YOU to everyone for your tags, rants, impassioned propaganda, beautiful pics, and love for the hot men! See you for the ladies!

[cosmicatta]

One Piece Novel: Law — a short analysis

So, after a long time trying to get my hands on the Law light novel, I was finally able to read it recently! And, because I'm an obnoxiously intense person who can't just be normal about things, I found myself taking notes about everything I judged interesting.

And I thought I could share! So here's a mostly improvised essay about the Law novel, how it portrays Law and what it reveals about him as a character.

Some notes before I start:

The edition I've read of this novel is the official Spanish translation by Planeta. When quoting and mentioning numbered pages, I'm referencing that edition.

I originally posted this on Twitter as a thread! If it sounds familiar, that might be why.

For those who haven't read the novel and might want to: be mindful of some trigger warnings, including gruesome medical descriptions, suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, and violence in general (I won't be touching on these subjects here though).

These are just my personal impressions, I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should interpret the novel or Law's character. I'm just doing this for fun!

The story takes place right after Cora dies, following young Law's journey as he makes it to Swallow Island and desperately tries to survive. There, he will meet Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, as well as Wolf, a novel-exclusive character that welcomes Law and the boys into his home as a family.

Overall, it's a very short read, agile and straightforward. The style is very juvenile, but that was to be expected, and I'd say it does a pretty good job at capturing the feeling of watching a One Piece episode. The novel does kinda feel like a mini arc.

I'm unsure if light novels can be considered 100% canon in general, but since the contents don't contradict anything from what we've already seen in the manga/anime, I'm going to assume we can at least take the events described in this one as canon.

But I'll leave the plot aside a little bit to focus more on Law's psyche, analyzing everything in the novel as material that helps us further understand him.

The entire book (save from a few specific passages) is written from Law's point of view and in first person, so it offers a more in-depth look at his way of thinking, motivations and ideals.

What I find most interesting in this sense is that the whole story is very centered around Law's kindness. Though he does admit several times that he had wanted to see the world burn when he was under Doflamingo's care (as we already know from the source material), the novel makes it very obvious that Law's true nature is compassionate. His inner voice even explicitly states that he enjoys helping and making others happy. (Quotes roughly translated from Spanish):

P. 27: "And I felt very comfortable collaborating with the task of helping others."

P. 92: "Knowing that I was going to free a person from their pain [...] gave me a joy I had never experienced before."

P. 136: "Just imagining the surprised faces of the Old Man, Bepo and the others brought a smile to my face" [when planning on getting fresh fish for dinner as a surprise].

And, despite living under Wolf's motto of "give to take," Law never expects anything in return for any of his good actions. In fact, he gets furious at Wolf himself when, after saving his life, the old man insists on giving Law anything he demands as compensation.

P. 120: "I didn't save you because I wanted a reward!" [...] They [Bepo, Shachi and Penguin] burst into tears of happiness when they realized that you had survived. That's more than enough for me! [...]" I won't let you belittle their tears!"

But even then, Law keeps arguing that he only saved Wolf "on a whim," much like he would say years later when asked why he chose to save Luffy's life. This is a common theme throughout the whole book (which is also pretty obvious in the manga)—Law doesn't recognize his own kindness.

It's not modesty or shyness, his inner monologue makes it very clear that he doesn't see himself as good-natured, and is often confused at his own motivations.

In their first meeting, when Bepo asks him why he is so nice to him, Law doesn't know what to answer; and after that, when Law finds himself wondering why he's trying so hard to save Shachi and Penguin despite their past history, he blames it all on "doctor's pride."

P. 48: "I wasn't even a good person."

Still, regardless of what Law might think of himself, living in Swallow Island seems to be making him progressively gentler. He was wary and hostile towards Wolf at first, but eventually lets himself trust people again, trying to honor Cora's memory and what he taught Law.

In Swallow Island he builds his new found family little by little, though never letting go of Cora and what he meant to Law.

P. 39: "Cora and I were family, that's what I felt at heart, I had no doubts. We had loved each other without saying it out loud [...] Would I feel the same for the Old Man and Bepo eventually?"

Slowly, he starts finding comfort and joy in community. He lets himself be carefree around his new friends, treating them with open affection, laughing and being surprisingly enthusiastic (although he quickly starts taking his role as a leader very seriously, and sometimes avoids showing weakness around them so as not to worry them.)

Law even gets to become an active part of life in Pleasure Town, where he and the other boys are cherished after 3 years living and working there. He's comfortable with his role in the community and appreciates the people in town. His sense of duty towards them shines especially when the pirates arrive to attack the town.

Again, this contrasts with how Law sees himself even in the manga/anime, where he insists that he acts mostly out of selfishness and only seeking his own benefit (or, in the best of cases "on a whim.")

But the truth is that Law's decisions are almost always related to other people's desires.

In this sense, the concept of guilt is also key to understand Law's motivations and his relationship with the world as a whole. This is especially obvious when it comes to Cora—Law even briefly wishes that they had never met, so that Cora would still be alive (p. 128-129.)

In a way, guilt is what moves Law forward, and what slowly starts transforming into a thirst for revenge, into rage and hatred towards Doflamingo and possibly towards himself too. It's a kind of tragic guilt born out of love.

His love for Cora still haunts him, his last wish for Law is the big enigma that he tries to solve during his 3 years in Swallow Island: be free. What is freedom to Law? How can he fulfill Cora's request? This is the question that gives meaning to the novel.

We know that Law wouldn't feel free until finally taking down Doflamingo and avenging Cora's death many years later, but he hasn't reached that point of determination in the novel yet. Maybe that's what gives the narration that hopeful and optimistic tone, with a young Law that's still finding himself, experiencing wonder in loving again, and learning what it means for him to be true to his values. It's the start of an adventure, and its core theme is love.

The ending illustrates this very well; I especially like the moment where Law names the crew as they're setting sail:

P. 243: "Cora's love that he showed me, Wolf's affection, the trust I had in my companions. One word embodied it all: Heart."

It is love that gives Law a reason to keep going. And I'm so glad that the novel doesn't shy away from this fact and isn't afraid of sounding "sappy" or "corny," because I do believe emotion is a very important part of Law's character.

The epilogue closes with a very interesting quote in the last page:

"You hear that, Cora? This is my... This is our pirate crew."

It is unclear if by "our" he is referring to himself and Cora, as if dedicating this new beginning to him, or if he means him and his crew. I'd personally like to think he means it both ways. But in any case, it's interesting that he openly shares the honor of "owning" his crew with someone else. He is the captain, but not the owner. It's another little way in which his generosity is evidenced.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable read, and it left me wanting more. Obviously, it's not a literature masterpiece, but it gives a lot of interesting material for character analysis, which is super fun.

Finally, here’s a few fun facts for those who can’t/don’t want to read the novel but enjoy the little trivia:

The Polar Tang was built and designed by Wolf.

Law’s first tattoo was "DEATH," and he got it at a local tattoo shop in Pleasure Town at around 15 years old.

Shachi and Penguin are childhood friends and likely met through their parents.

Shachi had always wanted to be a hair stylist.

Law is bad at cooking.

Both Shachi and Penguin are good at cooking, especially Penguin, who worked as a waiter in Pleasure Town.

The Hearts’ jolly roger was collectively designed by Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin days before leaving Swallow Island.

Law decided the name of their crew upon setting sail for the first time.

And I think that's all! ♥ I hope my rambling was enjoyable at least!

Edit: I've now posted an analysis of the Ace novels too!

[callistoscope]

a healthy venture

Summary: As most know, sexual experimentation is all apart of a healthy relationship! It just so happens to coincide with a very awkward relationship for a couple like Harvey and Clarice, however.

Pairing: Cringefail(Clarice) x Harvey. (if you know you know.)

Word Count: 7.4k. I know, it’s ridiculous.

Warnings: Smut, smut, smut. AWKWARD smut. Takes a hot minute to get there, but when it’s there, it is THERE. The sexual experimentation in question is PEGGING with not much else, so….

a/n: this is silly and very crackfic-adjacent but also So Serious to me. also, yeah I guess they’re in a relationship, but early stages? probably had sex before this? Idk, whatever makes the most sense. sorry if the writing style comes off kinda cringe sometimes!!! I really tried to connect the writing style to what I imagine cringefail’s thought process would be like. and it might generally come off more amateurish since it’s been a hot minute since I’ve written. have mercy pls I swear I was so much better at writing like a year ago I’m getting back into the swing of things </3. If you have no idea who cringefail is or why’s she being paired with Harvey, she’s from @clarisinne ‘s comic!!! check it out!!!!!!(peer pressuring you). also @cowboyweevil since u asked me to tag u!

——

Clarice will be the first to admit that her life is consistently in tatters, and more often than not, it's her own hand that tears up that life the most. She had never been the type to have a sturdy head atop her unsteady shoulders— more the type to awkwardly headbutt into every problem and success that dared to beseech her. Both intentionally and unintentionally, sometimes simultaneously.

One thing she does know, a tidbit of information carved so deep into the recesses of her mind that even dementia wouldn't rob her of this simple fact— her sister was a fucking menace.

Clarice could have given her sister some semblance of underserved grace, could have said she wasn't so bad, if only that's where her bad qualities stopped. But Mars's abhorrent behavior was made all the more pesky by how relentless she was.

Her sister was as relentless as the damn splinter still wedged into Clarice's foot, a recent injury she had been careful to make sure Harvey wasn't privy to.

Harvey.

This was all his fault, really. For such a highly respected doctor, for whom which his town had only the most upstanding of opinions of him, beholding him as kind and responsible, Clarice feels safe in saying that her health had went down a steep decline since the moment. . . this happened. Since the moment this strikingly warm, gooey feeling coagulated in her heart, not unlike that of a fatal blood clot. Her life is effectively cut in half from the amount of stress she's experience since moving to this town. Her life force is visibly draining away, day by day, she's sure.

And her darling sister has the nerve to kick her while she's already down. Escalating the gradual deterioration of Clarice's health like the terminal illness only Mars can be like.

Even now, her sister giggles behind her hand in midst the autumn wind, brimming with an audacity that makes Clarice seethe. She has to bite back the urge to chuck her full watering can at her.

Casually, her sister leans down to pluck a pumpkin from the ground, holding it proudly in her arms. A smile plays on her face, one Clarice does not like one bit. "You know... I've been thinking—"

"Stop doing that."

"I've been thinking—" she trots along, happy as a clam. Content as a mischievous cat might be more apt. "If Harvey doesn't step up more, you might really have to take the reins. In a way you don't expect."

Stubbornly, Clarice stays off to the side. She crosses her arms, clutching the watering can high up in protest. Her job this morning was to water whatever crops weren't already covered by their sprinklers, and she was feeling like her labor wasn't deserved the more this conversation carried on. Nothing of substance had been said yet, but Clarice's ears pick up on the lilt in her little sister's voice.

Said sister finally shoots her a cursory glance over her shoulder. "Really! I'm just trying to help you out!" The laughter in her voice says otherwise. "Because, honest to God, the more I think about it— the more plausible it becomes."

Clarice's eyes narrow, body tense in anticipation for the nearing punchline. "... What?" However hesitant, the word ebbs out all the same.

Clarice can see her sister's figure trembling already, frame wracked with inexplicable mirth, and she already wants to sink into the dirt. "Because—" she starts, unhelpfully, voice warbling, "I'm sorry, but that is the exact kind of man who'd wanna get pegged."

Mars's voice grows high-pitched, wavering, and the cackle she lets out would rival a witch. Clarice can hardly focus on that sound, her ears ringing so loud it blocks everything else. Pegging. What the fuck?

Her face grows hot, and it takes conscious effort to not pass out right onto the dirt ground. Whether it be from the thought alone or merely from the fact that her younger sister thought this made for acceptable conversation, Clarice can't be sure. Before Clarice can even hope to respond, the other is rattling off like she's finally been given an excuse to.

"And— and listen! I'm not judging! Good for Harvey! Good for you! As long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, right?" She bites the words out a bit, trying not to laugh too hard, nearly dropping the pumpkin.

"Stop." Clarice chokes, half plea half threat, blood rushing through her ears. Her mind is fraying at the edges, her brain rotting in record time. She's just starting to stomp her way over to her bastard sister.

"All I'm saying is— I know an online shop that'll ship here, yeah? Sells strap-ons, and has good variety. Pretty quick, too! Poor Harvey won't have to wait very long."

Clarice's free hand just reaches up to claw at her scalp in mortified agony, freezing for one sickening moment. She's on the path to getting her bearings and cursing Mars out like she never has before. Her mind is just on the verge of rewiring itself into proper working order. Like most things in her life, however, Clarice's life never stops at one bad thing.

"Um."

Harvey's voice is small, but the effect it has on her body is not. Clarice's body goes stiff as a rod, and the awkwardly loud clearing of his throat finally coaxes her into snapping her head back to look at him. So hard that one of her braids whips against her throat. Harvey stays where he is, loitering around the entrance of the farm with an odd rigidity to his face.

Clarice's body proves untrustworthy, and the hand holding the watering can goes limp. It's the moment after the tepid metal slips from her fingers that the gravity of her mistake hits her.

It really does hit her— the hefty watering swishes loudly as it lands straight on her foot with the accuracy of an Olympic gymnast.

"Fuck!" Clarice all but howls, stumbling back and promptly tipping back onto the dirt with an equally pained shout. It's a hard fall that ends with her gaze blearily aimed up at the blue sky, her ears picking up the sounds of two pairs of shoes scuttling up their respective pathways.

Of course. Of course it was the foot she had the splinter in.

——

Of all the sexual escapades both her waking and unconscious mind liked to torture herself with by envisioning… Clarice will admit that pegging isn't one of them. Not to say that her thoughts are incapable of running along the more adventurous paths she catches herself pointedly trying to ignore, but it simply had never come up.

Until now, at the violation of her coveted free will, at her sister's hands. She wishes all the terrible things for Mars, sometimes.

And she really shouldn't be mulling over her sister's words seriously, but her mind is deliberately caught on the thought.

... How does Clarice even feel about the concept? Even vaguely, if she just distantly ponders over what exactly that would entail? Maybe she feels some sexual curiosity she'll get to sating one of these days, should Harvey give it the okay?

If Clarice lets her mind do more than skim over the topic, however... the honest reality of what such an activity would bring is enough for her to be content to shelf it out of sheer mortification, never to see the light of day. Harvey, as always, is a different case. Adds integers into the equation that forces Clarice to reconsider everything, to reach for a different conclusion she otherwise never would have. She's forced into growth with him, sickeningly enough.

More annoyingly, she's forced into tending to herself in areas where she usually would shrug and walk it off. As soon as the hard, metal, heavy watering can had crashed onto her foot, the strange tension dispersed throughout the farm had vaporized on Harvey's part. Harvey had been painfully normal to her for those few minutes. Fussing over her, taking her carefully by the arm and coaxing her into her own house, insisting he check her foot for any major damage.

Mars had the social grace to stay outside, and Clarice prays she has enough to feel ashamed. She's knocked out of that thought when Harvey cautiously presses down on the top of her foot, and she promptly hisses.

"Sorry, sorry," he says, mouth flitting to a little frown. Harvey looks up at her from where he's taken a knee in front of her to closely inspect her foot, those brown eyes of his more like puppy dog eyes. "Just want to make sure nothing's fractured." Despite his words, he presses down at a different area of her foot, and Clarice's leg twitches with the instinct to kick him.

Her mind continues to fluctuate between nauseating panic and increasing irritation at Harvey's continued poking and prodding. It all culminates when he leans back, seeming satisfied with his work, meeting her eyes another time.

Abruptly, his eyes widen and his gaze scatters back to the floor, and that's all the confirmation Clarice needs to know exactly what place Harvey's mind goes back to. She'd had hope he'd forgotten about it, but that hope is thoroughly dashed and thrown back to drown in the river.

"So. Um..." he trails back into silence just as rapidly as he starts to speak, a palpable tension fracturing any temporary peace that had settled. Harvey shuffles, a stiffness settling over his body that she notices. It's the soft blush that peeks over his ears that does Clarice in, an innocent seashell pink that makes her eyes dart to the opposite direction of the room in deflection. Her hands claw shakily at the leather of the couch.

"Listen... I know it's technically none of my business, and it wasn't exactly meant for my ears—" Harvey lets out a labored breath. From the corner of her eye, Clarice can see his head tilt up, before hesitantly bobbling back down. He seems torn on where he should be looking. "And, uh— I didn't exactly hear everything? So, uh..." he says, voice wavering at the end. Clarice chances a glance, only to see a bright red blooming over the slopes of his cheeks, hands clenching at the pant leg of the knee he's supporting his weight on.

"I'm really sorry if I'm misunderstanding, but... how exactly did that topic come up?" He squirms a little from where he's kneeling, as if even just saying such vague words wired a shot of adrenaline straight through his nervous system. Clarice can relate, even if she knows what he's feeling is infinitesimal compared to the amount of adrenaline coursing through her.

Steam might start coming out through her ears if her mind ponders on any of this any longer. "... My sister brought it up." she mumbles, voice strained. Clarice brings her hands up, rubbing her temples, her cheeks nearly scorching her palms. Apologies, insults directed at her sister, humiliated blubbering, all sit at the tip of her tongue, but she just can't manage it. It's more like there's a stone in her mouth, on the verge of suffocating her, and her lips feel dementedly stitched together. "She thought you'd— I don't know. You know." It feels like flames lick up her cheeks then, and she winces with grief at the bitter loss of normalcy regarding their relationship. Who is she kidding? That ship had long since passed.

"Ah," Harvey actually scratches at the back of his neck, and something about that makes her want to scream in pain. It's such a stereotypical display of anxiety, and it makes those gooey feelings spring up like unwanted weeds along the sidewalk of her heart. It's endearing, damn him. "So, you're not...?"

Harvey eyes trail back up, she can feel them on her body before she can see them. Her eyes meet his in quick succession, and she feels herself jolt as if she's touched a live wire. He himself seems a bit frozen in comparison, but there's a glint in his eyes. Eyebrows furrowed, looking uncertain yet decidedly... curious. Flustered and nervous, but not disgusted.

Clarice jolts again, eyes going wide, hands falling from her head. She probably tears a few red hairs out in the process, but doesn't have the presence of mind to care when her mind is racing a mile a minute. "Oh God, you are into it." she blurts, bewildered for a multitude of reasons.

Any bravado Harvey seems to have procured promptly breaks from under him, his head bowing down as he's left to pick up the pieces. "I didn't say that!" he insists shakily, sweeping a hand through his hair.

"It's just— if that was something you were into, I wanted to..." Harvey's voice dies, swiftly fishing his hand out of his hair. "I... didn't want you to feel ashamed about it, is all. Or like you couldn't talk to me about it." he finishes with an exhale, his face brimming with a vibrant red.

Clarice swallows, shifting on the couch with an antsy energy. "... How do you feel about it?" she forces out, more stiffly than she'd like. Her methods of communication were never as smooth or clear-cut as she envisioned. Moments like these only exacerbated that flaw. "You can... talk to me, too." She cringes. She sounds a little robotic.

Yet, Clarice had promised herself to try and be more... open, about any such topics with Harvey. To be considerate and hold his feelings with higher priority than following through on her track record and waving them away. Instead of regressing into the skittish fawn she is at heart and dashing away.

Harvey fidgets before slowly rising to his feet, face still red as a rose. "I haven't thought about it much, until now. But honestly, I don't feel negatively about it." Something shifts in his expression, fills his face with unyielding tension, and his eyes shyly flit to the other side of the room.

"Morbid curiosity is probably the most accurate emotion for what I'm feeling." It's said with a weight, as though he's confessing some grand sin to a noble higher priest. "It was clearly just meant to all be jokes, though, so the last thing I'd do is expect anything out of it! Not to say I even really want anything out of it."

She sucks in a deep, steadying breath.

"It's okay if you do." Clarice's face flames as soon as she dares to utter such words. She gestures awkwardly with her hands, body more akin to lifeless metal than flesh and blood. "Haha! Sex—" she chokes, abruptly restarting the sentence.

"Sexual— Sexual experimentation is just a part of a healthy relationship! And we're healthy!" Smiling tightly, the inflection of her voice comes out more manic, a little frantic. She bumps her elbow against him, harder than she means if the wince that stretches over Harvey's face has anything to say about it.

"And it's normal! We're normal, and we can do this! Right, doctor?" Clarice grits her teeth a little, elbowing him again, desperate.

"Y- Yeah! Hah, definitely!" Harvey laughs nervously, rubbing the side of his stomach. "But, we should probably discuss this more, if you're really being serious—"

"— Harvey," Her face is promptly buried in her hands, unable to even cast a glance in his direction. "I'm at my limit. Please."

Another anxious little laugh bubbles out of him, pulling at a loose thread hanging from his coat. "Of course. Yes, that's, whatever makes you comfortable. We can talk about this later."

——

The simple fact of the matter is that they do. It's a verbal scuttle that seesaws back into Clarice conversationally dragging her feet, as most conversation between them winds up being on her end. How Harvey puts up with it is beyond her— hell, Harvey himself is beyond her.

Kind, wonderful Harvey mystifies her as much as he begrudgingly enchants. He is some strange, glittering galaxy that perplexes her with his intent to be swept into her chaotic gravity. Terrifyingly considerate, practically falling over himself with every other word when he insists that they don't have to do this, he wants her to be comfortable, he only wants what she wants—

And... What does Clarice want? The question echoes in her mind, the answer echoing in kind.

To be sated.

This curiosity, it stifles her in its attempt to persuade her. It sits in her chest, leaves residue when it attempts to glue itself in her head. Clarice had waved it off, tried to ignore it, but the remains fester there. The rot of the idea is only fertilizer, and ultimately, it only grows. She's curious, and she's always been one to explore what springs that emotion in her. For the most part.

And when she finally wrings out that honesty out of herself, Harvey flusters, but moves with the natural pull that such a confession swings a conversation into: what now? What's the plan?

There's a list of questions that are steadily answered, ticked off the mental list she's sure Harvey had conjured up in his head. Where? Definitely your apartment, I'd kill you and myself if my sister heard. Okay. Uh, how would we get the... equipment? Ship it to your apartment. My sister would never let me live it down if she got even a hint of it.

Many similar questions and answers filtered out amongst them. Harvey makes some timid remark about doing his own personal research regarding how he should prepare himself, and the conversation is effectively capped off for a few weeks. It's the persistent elephant in the room, one that grows inexplicably bigger one day in later Autumn. Finally, after some surface level digging that more exposed how deeply it burdened Harvey's mind rather than exposed any real concern from Clarice, he admitted that that the equipment came. 'It,' he'd referred to it so aptly.

It. It came. There wasn't much more to plan than the main event itself. Not much more to do other than biting the bullet and doing it. With the grand exception being thinking about it, a crime which Clarice finds herself exuberantly guilty of. The last few weeks had given her heartburn, her thoughts becoming expertly nomadic in the way they traveled from normal and innocent to salient and crude. Stray thoughts that clustered rapidly in one great moment of imagination before popping and deflating like a balloon. Leaving her flustered in midst her daily chores, normalcy strained for the rest of the day.

What would Harvey say? What would he sound like, how would it feel? How would Clarice feel, really, to be the one giving in such a way?

She didn't have to wonder much longer. Even still, her curiosities still ring so loud in her head as she stands at the door of the clinic, heart running at such a magnitude that a hummingbird's would pale in comparison. She clutches her to go bag in an iron grip, the reason why she had a to go bag making her body all the hotter.

Clarice's mind whirrs when the door opens, and it doesn't stop until they reach Harvey's humble apartment towards the top, and even then, it only dulls. She isn't even sure what sort of pleasantries they exchanged, too strung up in her thoughts to be in anything other than on autopilot.

"We don't have to do this," Harvey drills the notion yet again into her head as he is bending down at the side of his bed, hand grasping blindly at the space under the bed frame. "Really. We could just sit in for a normal night. I wouldn't mind any."

Clarice gathers herself, though her efforts are futile when it's like trying to keep water in her hands. "I would." she bites out, sucking in a breath through her teeth with a whistling sound as she gracelessly lets her bag drop to the floor. "I want to. We're doing this." she says, surprising herself with the shaky, albeit no less sincere, conviction in her voice.

"... As long as, you know, you're still down with it." she falters, twiddling with the sleeve of her jacket absently. Her gaze returns to Harvey when she hears a sliding sound, like something being dragged across the floor.

"I am!" Harvey breathes, voice wavering. He isn't looking at her, instead looking at the box he'd apparently stashed under his bed. "... I just like to be sure about these sorts of things." He stands back up with the box in tow, presenting it to her as he steps closer and closer. His face is already flushing, though it's a soft dainty pink that she finds all too fitting on him.

As her gaze roves over the box, it is not a dainty pink that seizes her face. On the white box is an understandably crude picture of a dildo, a strap-on she thinks belatedly, with words in varying fonts spewed around it. Reviews, the technical name of this model, the brand. Interestingly enough, it seems Harvey bought a set, her eyes pick up. A strap-on and a harness.

It hits her all at once, and she makes a sound that is part laugh and part cry. She's incredulous, unable to conceive everything that is happening, the things that click into place. "God, you hid it? Under your bed?" she mumbles, the humor of the situation washing over her as she lets out a raspy laugh. Harvey, the highly respected doctor of Pelican Town, hiding a strap-on under his bed.

Harvey makes an affronted noise, though his voice trembles a little with laughter when he weakly replies, "Yes. It— I didn't have room for it in my drawer." Bashfully, he gestures to said drawer, the one next to his colossal bookcase.

Clarice snorts, and the tension eases. Where this is all going, where the current is taking them, doesn't seem so scary for a moment. Harvey smiles, still a little timid, and starts to open up one of the flaps of the box. "Is it really that funny?"

"I don't know. Probably not." Clarice admits in a weak voice of her own, swallowing as he moves back the layers of the box. It's one of those types, weirdly shiny and like plastic more than the traditional brown box. That tension fills back in slightly when her eyes catch sight of it. Well, not yet, it's in a protective pouch— but nothing can really hide the distinct shape that the fabric really only enhances.

It only takes a moment for Harvey to grasp it, holding it in a limp grip as he pointedly looks at the other contents of the box, ears tipped in red. "And, ah, hm," Awkwardly, he moves the pouch into the curve of his elbow, the back of his arm holding it against his body. His free arm fishes out the harness more preparedly, touching it less like a dead fish. "Here's... the harness."

It takes a moment to realize that he's holding it out to her, waiting for her to take it. Clarice shuffles with nervous energy, taking it and holding it stiffly away from her body. As if any making any further contact with it will scorch her. She already burns, and it's in the most humiliating way. An uncomfortable heat bread-crumbing its way lower and lower, with plenty of pauses. "Should I... put it on?"

Harvey makes a sound, lips parting as if to say something. They only close again, and she can see his Adam's apple bob as he swallows. He only nods, abruptly turning around. Only then does he find his voice. "Probably, yes."

Respectively, both parties begin to disrobe, Clarice starting with her shoes and socks and whittling away at the rest. A part of her tries to be neat about it, wants to be, but quickly loses that train of thought as soon as she has it. Anxiety gnaws at her the whole way through, until there's a messy pile of clothes sitting next to her and a weight in her chest. And the harness tightly in her grasp. Clarice rubs the fabric between thumb and forefinger curiously, sighing as she starts to journey of putting it on.

And a journey it is, anxiety quickly becoming secondary to the frustration that shuffles to the forefront of her mind. Trying to figure out what could be adjusted, how to hold certain parts of the harness while she slides it further up her body, it was a bit of a nightmare. Clarice adjusts the position of the O-ring when she's decently certain it's secure enough, pulling the adjustable straps against her body tighter afterwards just for extra security.

Clarice exhales a slow breath as she turns, wiping sweat from her brow. Only to find Harvey watching, naked from the waist down, his dark eyes a little wide and glazed, clutching the hem of his shirt. He jolts, hand fidgeting with the hem, as if unable to decide if he should take it off or not. "I'm so sorry, I just—"

"Were you staring at me?" Clarice asks, mortification budding at every nerve in her body in hot sparks.

"I wanted to make sure you weren't struggling with the harness!" Harvey says defensively, slipping his shirt off in one bold movement. "Because, if you were, I did look into it. I... should have mentioned that." His voice grows calm again, face ripening to more of a raspberry pink. Predictably, he folds his shirt up with practiced ease, almost more of a nervous tic than him actively wanting to.

Her eyes absently wander over his body, only to trail down harshly even at something as simple as the look of his bare chest. Clarice catches blurry snapshots at every other part of his body, but her mind is too scrambled to attempt to study the details.

"Should I..." she hears Harvey swallow this time, him almost making a gurgling noise at the back of his throat. "Should I get onto my back?" he continues, voice edging on squeaky.

"No," she blurts, shaking her head frenetically. She can't. There's many things she can do right now, is willing to, wants to do, but having Harvey on his back under her during this, helpless and pliant... she just can't do that right now. It stirs something in her, sure, something she may want to get to know more intimately in due time. Maybe. But not now. "I'm getting on my back. You're going to have to just— figure it out."

She hugs her body, wobbling over to his bed with the intention to plop down in a show of dominance, only to pause. The pouch lays on his bed, the fabric still doing absolutely nothing to disfigure the phallic shape. That's all it takes to make her sweat again, that anxiety of hers rising from its grave as she picks it up much like he had carried it previously. Underlining it all is that tailspin of anticipation, lying snugly under any negative emotions that threaten to impede the event.

"I mean you can just, you know," she stammers, eyes bulging at her own thoughts. "You know." Her eyes avoid him, digging her fingers into the opening and tugging it open, looking away when she grasps at the flared base. Clarice has no hope of keeping her eyes open as she slides it out of the silk, immediately fluttering closed just upon seeing purple. Prying her eyes back open, she forces a study session of sorts, discerning any texture she can make out by sight. It seems... smooth, not sculpted to be very indicative of an actual dick besides the base shape. More like an artist's under drawing.

Harvey is staring at it just as intently, with bated breath, hands clenching into fists. "That's okay, I can do that. I just, before that, I'll need to... prep myself. I can't just—" His hand lurches up to adjust his glasses shakily, that scarlet Harvey has been valiantly fighting off spilling on his cheeks like paint. "I-I need to use my fingers first."

Clarice's eyes aren't beckoned away from the toy at that, but her brain fizzles. It flickers and flames, a part of her screaming to watch and another pleading to cover her face the whole time. You'll never survive if you watch, it pleads.

"... Okay." she chokes, because what other response is there? "I'm also going to... prepare." Her voice sounds so small, even to her own ears. With a trembling hand, Clarice twists the toy in her grip, carefully holding the flared base awkwardly to her pelvis, trying to figure out how to thread the base into the O-ring. Harvey tries to pipe up helpfully, blabbering nervously about what to do, but shuts up when Clarice begs out, "Please shut up."

Harvey is fumbling with something, and once Clarice ensures the strap-on is slotted in correctly, she turns to see him drawing out a little bottle of what she can only assume is lube. He opens it in a diligent twist, coating his fingers quickly and wincing. She notes how he seems to focus on covering two fingers above all else, and that flame stirs again. More like a spark, hesitant but hungry for a chance to ignite.

She stiffly sits and lays on the bed, in such a way that her legs splay out over the side of the bed, soles of her feet touching the wood. Harvey passes the lube to her, pressing it to her stomach. "You're... You should probably use this, too." he says, face flushing a red that Clarice's own rushes to imitate. Harvey sits, but does not lay, in the same way she does. Except he props a leg up on the bed, spreading himself open, pressing that knee to his stomach as he settles next to her. She decides to be grateful she can't see anything from this angle, only his back, everything else too far in her peripheral to make anything particularly lewd out.

That gratitude is a fleeting present, for she is suddenly made intimately aware of the moment he must edge a finger into himself by the way his breath hitches. Clarice can't not notice, it's such a sharp sound that resonates in her ears— the leg up on the bed twitches. The bed creaks, and the spark ignites like a firework.

She brings a hand up to her mouth as her eyes betray her, her own thighs twitching with want for relief as she scours his back. Sees his shoulder blades flex when he must push in deep, loosen when he pulls out shallow. Harvey's very breath is trembling, his hips attempting to buck, but only succeeding in a meek roll with the way he's scrunched up.

"I'm so sorry if this is weird," he says, voice muffled and breathy. He must be covering his mouth with his free hand, too. Clarice can't say anything, especially not when he sighs as a tremor wracks through his body. His hips give another pitiful roll, his head lolling back for a brief second.

"H-Have you done this before?" she asks, perhaps too banally. It's just too practiced, he falls into each motion with too much ease. Experience. Her ears are reacting that way to sound again, any noise muted, as if underwater.

Harvey whines quietly, though the sound reeks more of humiliation than bliss. Clarice's body reacts the same regardless, shifting on the bed fruitlessly. She can feel herself pulsing, and she thinks she's gonna pass out if she focuses on that facet of this situation any more than she needs to.

"... Not before any of this came up. Just over the past few weeks." he manages shakily, "Just... just to see what I thought. To see if I liked it."

The bed creaks particularly loud with one swipe of his pelvis, and the sound he makes does sound more pleased. "Didn't want to make you go through any of this if I didn't even like it."

"... And you like it?"

Clarice buries her face in her hand then, when the silence stretches out a bit too long. Every part of her burns. Every nerve is roaring fire, and it's suffocating. What could even relieve her, she doesn't know.

"... Yeah. It was— it's nice." Harvey gasps out, a flurry of panicked breaths escaping him. He's trying to catch his breath, body going tense as wood. He tries to exhale, some other noise laden in it. "I think— I think I'm ready."

Harvey's arm looks disfigured as he moves it from this angle, the movement sputtering to a quickness that slows just as soon. His head tilts as he wipes sweat from his forehead with his free hand, seeming to completely pause. it's confirmed when he rests the other hand on his leg.

Her mind is caught in a constant loop of What do I do? and I don't know for a few seconds. For once, Clarice's body is dependable and rational, a hand grabbing for the small plastic bottle on her stomach. It's like all sentience has seeped out of her ears, her mind going blank as she pumps the strap-on absently, making the toy nice and slick. Apparently, she’s already poured it out on her hand.

The blankness in her head abruptly swirls into color, thoughts, visions, when Harvey turns his body. He gets onto his knees, ushering himself closer to her body, but not bridging any actual distance. His warm skin and body sit plainly out of reach.

Harvey hums plaintively, and Clarice can't even begin to explore what that could mean.

"You're really sure you're okay with this?"

A deep sigh reverberates throughout the room. Clarice leans back on the bed, pressing her hand harder against her face. "Yes," she groans out, agonized. "I'll tell you if I'm not feeling it."

Harvey lets out another heavy breath, though it sounds less burdened. "Alright. In that case then, I'll, uh, I need to..."

"Okay." Clarice says, high pitched, pulling her hand quickly away from the strap-on. It's weird, wearing this thing. She can feel the phantom sensations of where it tilts, now that her hand isn't there to direct it straight.

"Okay," Harvey echoes her, similar down straight to the tone, the almost squeaky way he says it. "I'll... try not to put too much of my weight on you."

"Thanks." Clarice merely whines, wilting into the mattress.

Harvey shuffles over, bed creaking with every new placement of his knees jutting into the bed. There's a moment where the anticipation builds, becomes something tangible and unbearably thick. The tension squeezes against itself, then loosens, like a heartbeat. Like it's a real, pulsing thing.

Harvey places a hand on the bed, around her side, gripping his covers tight as he murmurs apologies. Throws a leg over her waist as his other hand braces near the other side of her, releasing a shaky breath. He keeps himself up on his knees, looking down at himself and grasping at the strap-on feverishly by the base, holding it more in a line. Clarice doesn't know what expression he's making, what expression she's making, all too busy covering her face. Risking glances through the spaces of her fingers. It's all happening simultaneously too fast and tortuously slow.

"Alright," Harvey exhales, adjusting his knees one more time, face wrought with anticipation. "... Alright."

With a steady gaze downwards, Harvey slowly lowers his body down. He jolts as if struck with electricity when the tip presses against his rim, lips parting with a slow breath as he inches down further after a pause. There's a start of a whine in the back of his throat every time the strap-on slides in deeper, but he always staves it off. Always sucks in more air, and keeps going dutifully.

Harvey keeps to his promise and carefully holds himself up even as the strap-on fills him, an occasional shake winding from his face to his legs. Those dance aerobics classes seem to be paying off, in any case.

This seems to be one of the rare circumstances where Harvey is considerate of his boundaries and limits, hips undulating up and down with a careful air. It's a process he treats delicately, gives himself plenty of time to relax in between motions, and Clarice can appreciate that solely because he deserves to be treated gently. Even if she's horrible at doing it, he deserves that much. That sort of growth is something she owes him, one of these days.

That day will come, but today is a different one, a different milestone. Harvey doesn't contest these thoughts of hers, moaning softly once the gentle treatment becomes unnecessary. Unwanted, if the gradually increasing speed of his rhythm could have any thoughts on the matter.

Through the slits of trembling fingers, Clarice watches. Everything is magnified, all the emotions breaking some impossibly high dam despite the odds. There's shifts in Harvey's expression every time he effectively bounces, lips twitching with effort to keep himself quiet. Sweat glistens along his forehead and neck— he shines in the low lamplight that sits glowing only about a foot away.

The heat between her legs is unbearable. Clarice can't remember the last time she had gotten so wet and hadn't tended to herself. Hadn't been able to. It's humiliating, but that emotion is so weak and malleable in the current of pure arousal her body is getting lost in. Her head is foggy, yet her vision is vibrant with clarity, with Harvey.

Harvey, who's working himself down harder with every passing second. Instead of that lost, cloudy look catching in his eyes, he only looks all the more searching. Harvey sits back further on his heels, letting out a moan that sounds frustrated. Unthinkingly, Clarice's eyes glance downward at the dick between his legs. Straining and flushed against his abdomen, with him close enough that she can see the pearl of pre-cum beading at the very tip. It moves with every motion he makes. The bead drips over, trailing over every bump and ridge.

"... What's wrong?" Clarice dares to speak, voice containing a rasp that floors her.

"... I can't," Harvey whines, back arching as he sculpts his hips into a particular rocking motion. "I-I can't, I need—" he chokes, leaning far enough that he has to grind his hips forward and back more than up and down for the strap-on to stay inside.

Then he jolts at a particular thrust he implores, gasping sharply. His brown eyes go wide, glasses jumping with every movement that he makes, suddenly speeding up. "Oh! Oh, please, please—"

His thighs tremble with effort, and suddenly he's sliding right down. Harvey's weight presses right into her as he essentially sits on her lap, making her let out a grunt of surprise rather than one of any meaningful discomfort. He's straddling her completely, and the whimper he lets out is downright pitiful.

Harvey blinks with wet eyes, his eyes searching for hers, face twisted with embarrassment. Need laces it, need seems nestled into every frantic little movement Harvey attempts to make. Only for Harvey's body to slump back down, clearly too exhausted to keep doing all the work. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I can't— can you—?"

He suffers through the moment for air, face red as a strawberry, thighs still shaking even as he's seated. ".... Help me," he breathes, air whistling through his teeth a little. "Please."

The blood in her body is torn between two places. Clarice feels light-headed, her chest heaving for air she hadn't realized had dissipated. She's sweating before she's even doing anything, before she warily places her spare hand on his hip for support. Harvey groans with relief before she even properly helps him out. "Thank you, thank you." he chants.

He starts to move up again, more uninhibited thanks to the added momentum of Clarice's hand moving with him. Harvey lets out a hoarse cry when Clarice gathers enough courage to start rolling her hips up, meeting in a messy pace where neither is sure who should follow who.

Clarice shudders at the sudden increase in sounds, and more importantly, the volume. Face flaming, her mind wails to reprimand him in some way, to remind him of his neighbors who know him, but more importantly her. It's here where input and output scramble uselessly in the recesses of her brain. "Harvey! You— You need to quiet down." she hisses from her hand, on the cusp of a grand mistake. Her mind aims for swatting at his arm, but seeing as both hands are busy with equally important tasks, an easy pair of dots are connected.

Clarice raises her hand for a brief moment, smacking his ass lightly. Absently.

Harvey downright squeaks with shock, jerking on her lap. "I'm— I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

She could die right that moment, but thankfully, Harvey seems too out of it to make a comment on it. She cowers further into her hand all the same, body as hot as a furnace, eyes watering.

Clarice is just as quick to look through her fingers again, her other hand gripping his hip tightly, heart stopping in her chest when Harvey bites into his palm, muffling yet another cry. His eyes are lidded behind his glasses, breathing unsteady against his palm.

Harvey shakes his head, babbling around his hand as his body starts to tense up. "Clarice. Clarice. Feels good." His voice catches, bed creaking. An embarrassed pride stings her chest, hand clawing into his hip with her nails.

Despite the strain her voice, she forces what she knows he needs out. "You're doing so good, Harvey."

Harvey trembles, eyes squeezing shut, head tipping back. "... Clarice, 'm gonna..." he's nearly incoherent, too weak to keep riding the strap-on even with Clarice's guidance. Her moving hips seem to be enough to suffice, his teeth visibly digging deeper into his skin.

He blinks, once, then twice, then again, each one more rapid than the last. Harvey's body seizes, Clarice can feel it down to his thighs, his head bolting back forward. To her surprise, his other hand goes to cover the one holding his hip, his hips rolling in sporadic little bursts.

Harvey holds her hand to him tightly, dragging in one more ragged breath as the tension crests and drops with an abruptness entirely expected. He wheezes a little, sounding almost pained as his body quakes through the orgasm, cock twitching with little spurts.

All Clarice can do is watch with wide eyes, hiding them behind her hand again when it gets too much. All of this has been too much, really, but the feeling really implodes in the aftermath.

Soon enough, Harvey manages to haul his body to the spot next to her, sluggish and sated when he lets his body collapse. The bed squeaks in protest. Clarice's eyes burn more and more with unshed tears by the second, face hotter than the sun. She is half convinced that when she pulls her hand away, there will be burns staining her fingers and palm.

"Do you..." Harvey suddenly pipes up, lungs still audibly fighting for oxygen. "... want me to return the favor?" he asks, managing to sound as timid as he was breathless. "I mean, I know you didn't... finish." he coughs as quiet as a mouse.

Clarice makes a strangled sound, rolling on the side that turned her back to him. Tears spill out of her eyes, though she can't say any part of her regrets the experience. She's just... overwhelmed, mortified, and irritatingly horny. "No."

"Are you crying?" The bed dips as Harvey's voice pitches higher up in panic. "Oh, I'm so—"

"Harvey, it was hot," she sputters through tears, not giving him the chance to piss her off through his relentless apologies yet again. "Shut up. I'm just overwhelmed."

A hand tentatively reaches for her shoulder, Clarice's body tensing when she feels him stroke her shoulder assuringly. She hates him a little for it, hates it more when she actually relaxes.

It takes a moment of deliberate silence until the feeling soothes in her chest. Wiping away a few tears, she reluctantly rolls onto her other side, facing Harvey. “… Hi.” she says, voice a little muted.

“Hi.” The sentiment is mimicked easily, breathlessly, though he tacks a hesitant smile onto his flushed face. Clarice bursts into a giddy giggle for a reason she can’t quite pin down, giving him a watery smile. Harvey’s smile brightens, looking relieved. Some sexual exploration is healthy in the long run, she supposes, if it feels this freeing at the end.

[skzooweemama]

Hello!!! Omg I've recently been obsessing over your posts 😅 I love your writing style!

If you're not too busy, could you do a thing that's like skz's reactions to finding out you're ticklish?

It's totally fine if you don't want to, take care!! 💕

yes ofccccc!! i'm so glad you like my writing!

formal apologies to all my not ticklish stays- just pretend for this one :) <33

two posts in two days? who am i? guess i’m on a writing kick lol- unfortunately i do not think this will continue (but also i don’t want it to be another month before i post again so i’m gonna do my best)

anyway- hope y’all enjoy!! this was super fun to write! still experimenting w formatting too so stay tuned 😵‍💫

~~~

Bang Chan:

channie definitely figured it out quick

literally he is always touching you

we've been over this

of course he is a gentleman

his love language may be physical touch, but he had to make sure you're okay w that first!

waits until you begin to initiate affection more often before he gets clingy

but then he's kind of all over you :)

you invited him over to your place one night, and even though he had just been working for hours, he was just too excited to see you

he was super tired though, so you took it upon yourself to set up a cute movie date so the two of you could just chill out and cuddle

at first, channie was just happily cuddled up against your side, an arm lazily slug around you waist while you petted his hair

it was cute and sleepy and perfect

until he just had to go and mess it up

chan's musicality seemed to get the best of him as he began to drum the rhythm to one of their tracks out on your waist

your very ticklish waist

there was a noble and valiant effort to stop yourself from freaking out, but alas

you let out a squeal and suddenly chan perked up, his exhaustion completely gone

safe to say you got pinned to the couch and tickled within an inch of your life

praying for you babe, he is a true monster

Lee Know:

minho wasn't really on the hunt for your tickle spots tbh

honestly, it's not something he thinks about a lot

unless it's happening right in front of him or he's feeling mischievous and he can take it out on someone in his direct vicinity (ex. our maknae on top)

his interest has to be piqued first

that's why when he figured out that you're ticklish, it was literally in the most cliche way possible

that's right- you got stuck in your shirt

it was a cute top that was way too expensive, but you had splurged a bit because you wanted something nice to wear on night outs

unfortunately, it was also incredibly tight and hard to get on and off

especially for your tipsy post-date brain... you were struggling

that's how minho found you, with your top half off, arms trapped in the fabric pulled over your head

he scoffed at you, shaking his head and tutting that you should've asked for help

just like him to be condescending at a time like this smh

but he does help you, grasping at your fabric cage and yanking upwards

and it was so helpful, except for the fact that he just barely brushed your underarms

which made you squeal and pull away from him

which made him curious

minho helped you out of the top completely before he decided to explore what made you squeal like that

after that, though, he tackled you onto the bed and found every single tickle spot you had before he even thought about letting you go

and he's a meanie too... idk if you'll survive :)

Changbin:

changbin has definitely tried to tickle you before

he just never found the spot

yk how sometimes you'll see vids of idols "tickling" their member's forearms or like shoulder?

he did shit like that, fully expecting you to laugh

safe to say you did not

so he had mostly given up, content with the fact that you aren't ticklish

however

he did start to take you on gym dates

and on one of these gym dates he discovered just how wrong he was

you decided to try to do an unassisted chin up, which you had been building up to by using resistance bands each time you tried

changbin was standing close by for moral support (and also to catch you just in case)

you made sure to remember the proper technique and pulled yourself all the way up, chin just meeting the bar

changbin cheered when you dropped down, grasping your waist and kissing your cheek proudly

you felt so victorious! but when changbin's hand just brushed against the skin of your stomach from beneath your shirt, you froze and let out a squeak of surprise

despite my earlier comments, changbin is no dummy

you can be sure that later that night he decided to see just how sensitive you really were

you'll never have a moment of peace with him now ;))))

Hyunjin:

hyunjin is a poker

for some reason, those long fingers of his are just drawn to exposed skin

changbin is a frequent target, but tbh all of the members have fallen victim to his shenanigans at some point

and ofc, there's no special treatment, even if you're dating him

you will be poked, and it will tickle

your first mistake was wearing a new shirt that had those slits going diagonally down the front of the top

you hadn't even thought anything of it when you put it on that morning

i mean, it's a shirt and you were under the assumption that your boyfriend wasn't a weirdo

(you were wrong)

that night, hyunjin decided to help you make some dinner

and by "help" i mean he stood behind you with his hands around your waist and his chin on your shoulder while you cooked, talking your ear off about whatever came to his mind

he's annoying

anyway, eventually he got bored

you were too focused on the food! how could you ignore him?!

as he stewed in his boredom, his fingers found their way to the slits in the front of your shirt and brushed up against your warm skin

and then, he delivered one firm poke

right to your bellybutton

immediately, you let out a strained giggle and tried to move away from him, but unfortunately he had you trapped between the kitchen counter and his body

before you could even devise another plan of escape, his hands slipped beneath your shirt and began to wreck your tummy, shirt slits be damned

you nearly died that night, and it was certainly not the last time something like that happened~

Han:

jisung was shy

really he was, especially at the beginning of your relationship

it took him a while to even work up the nerve to kiss you after you began dating, and even then he was kind of drunk

but somewhere around the 3 month mark, a switch flipped

he began to touch you more and he was more playful

introverts are funny like that

it stands to reason that he discovered how ticklish you were not long after

i mean, how were you supposed to respond when he asked to give you a foot massage? say no?

you tried that, but he pouted and you caved

you sort of accepted the fact that he'd find out, especially when you got out of the shower to find him on your bed with lotion and foot masks

and he looked so fcking cute too, curse you jisung >:(

safe to say he knew something was up as soon as you sat down to offer him a foot to massage

you were bright red, stuttering, and even sweating a lil bit

and when he started teasing?! telling you how cute you looked?!!?

oh no, you were done for

he couldn't even start massaging, you collapsed in giggles as soon as his fingers grazed the bottoms of your feet with lotion

your silly boyfriend started laughing at you, and the next thing you knew, your feet were headlocked beneath his arm and he was going to town on them

you screamed and thrashed, and eventually pulled a foot away and gave him a good kick

bad idea, because now he's gonna get revenge by finding out what other spots make you scream <3

Felix:

felix was totally curious

like you knew he was ticklish (you reminded him of that fact frequently), so shouldn't he know if you were too?

he thought he should

his investigation began one evening when he came over for a sleepover

you, ofc, were expecting nothing but cuddles and romantic cutesy stuff

after your last week of midterms at university, it felt more necessary than ever

felix, on the other hand, was nothing if not conniving

it wasn't his fault that you just looked so cute in your pjs

perfect to test his theories on as well

you had dragged him to the bathroom so you could do skincare together, and then made him sit through a face mask, and then you two finally went to bed

but felix still had to wait for the perfect moment

and he wasn't gonna stop you when your lips found their way to his, small kisses blossoming into a lazy make-out session

emphasis on "lazy" because honestly you could hardly keep your eyes open by the time he pulled away

he giggled and brushed your hair from your eyes, thumb tracing your kiss-swollen lips as he whispered about how pretty you were

you flushed, scolding him about being a tease before you reached to turn off your bedside table lamp

felix suddenly remembered his mission

and his time had arrived

you just barely clicked the light off before felix stuck his fingers right into your armpit, massaging deep circles into your flesh

you positively squealed, unable to stop yourself from falling into witch-like cackles

felix's investigation was a success, and you can bet he'd use these findings again and again

Seungmin:

seungmin tickles you to get what he wants

or at least, he does after he finds out about your weakness

and it doesn't take long really

technically, the two of you weren't even official yet when he makes the discovery

the night before, one thing kind of led to another during an after-party, and the next thing you knew, you woke up in the same bed

wearing very little

anywayyyy

seungmin was the first to wake up in the morning with a raging headache

no lie, he felt like he had been run over by 20 tour buses

somehow, when he saw you, cuddled into his chest snoozing peacefully, he felt less gross

it was probably because he was in love with you, but he wasn't really ready to admit that to himself yet

and he did really have to pee, and he could not do that with you koalabeared onto him

no time to think about emotions or anything

at first, he tried to shake you awake, which proved to be futile

next, he tried prying your arms off from around his waist, but your grip was like iron

finallly, he tried poking and prodding you because he didn't have any other ideas

almost immediately you began to squirm away, trying to fight off the tickles in your sleepy state

eventually (partly because you were too cute gently giggling and partly because now he really needed to pee) he finally dug into your sides and really gave you a good wake up call

you woke up laughing loudly from the tickles, and when your vision cleared, you saw a blushing seungmin making his way to the bathroom

I.N:

Jeongin tickles you when you annoy him

which you do a lot

it's like you were built to push all of his buttons istg

the first time he ever found out you were ticklish, you were making fun of him

it was a personal favorite pastime of yours

(definitely not because you thought jeongin was hot when he was frustrated, no ofc not)

today had just not been a good day for him in the slightest

his voice was a bit hoarse so he couldn’t record, he kept missing steps in their dance practice, and to top it all off he was breaking out from the stress of a new comeback

so really, why were you adding gas to that fire?

usually you only bugged him because you wanted to get his mind off of whatever was bothering him

your teasing was light hearted, and you never had bad intentions

but when you wouldn’t stop asking for kisses, started whining at him after he said he didn’t wanna give you kisses, and then sat yourself right on top of him and refused to move… that’s when he got fed up

and yet you kept it up

jeongin decided he needed to do something drastic

and of course he’d never hurt you and he wasn’t truly mad, but he did need to teach you a lesson

so… he set his hands on your hips, looking up at you from where you were seated on his lap, facing him

and he asked if you would move

when you said “no” once again, he squeezed your hips like his life depended on it

you shrieked and fell to the side, trying to squirm away from his evil hands as they tickled you mercilessly

as jeongin pinned you down and made you laugh until you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t help but think about how you deserved this

whatever, it was fun so you just decided to be even more annoying in the future :)

[thebramblewood]

If the Vatores stand united on one thing, it's their absolute disdain for Old Man Vlad.

Previous / Next

(Psst... there's some bonus lore under the cut for those who can't get enough.)

More on the Vatores' complicated relationship with Vlad to come, but for now I will say that settling in Forgotten Hollow despite hating his guts was absolutely a (petty) power move on Lilith's part. Vlad doesn't have any qualms about killing humans. In fact, he has little interest in the affairs of humans at all. But what he doesn't care for is Lilith's ostentatious style. He's very old-fashioned and set in his ways regarding how a "proper" vampire should behave and doesn't like when they draw too much attention to themselves because he believes it puts vampires as a collective at risk. He once hoped to mold Lilith in his image, but that obviously didn't work out, and he now finds her indiscreet, disrespectful, and lacking manners, and he finds Caleb a wimpy annoyance who should have never been turned.

I also wanted to explain a bit more about vampire telepathy in my universe. There's a psychic link between sire vampires and their children that allows them to communicate internally (as we've seen Lilith and Vlad do before - and we'll explore the circumstances of her turning in the future!) and also to probe each other's thoughts/memories (which, for example, is what allows Caleb to track down Helena). Physical distance weakens the link, and stronger vampires can establish barricades against intrusion (like Caleb is trying to do now with Lilith). It's also not a constant thing. It's an active choice to enter another's mind. Caleb is considerate (yes, even with his sister), so he does it sparingly and accesses only the information he needs. Lilith and Vlad couldn't care less, so they'll shamelessly dig for secrets. Most vampires are also able to wield telepathic powers over humans, although obviously this takes skill and practice. Humans' minds are more vulnerable and as such more susceptible to hypnosis. This allows vampires to control humans for feeding and other purposes and also to erase or alter their memories. I don't think any of this greatly deviates from what you would expect, and I've tried to imply most of it through the storytelling, but I just wanted to explain it all in one place.

Caleb: [stiffly] Straud.

Vlad: It seems you’re out and about these days more than your sister is. How is Lilith anyway? I can’t imagine she's finally come to her senses and decided to practice moderation for once in her life.

Caleb: Why don’t you rummage around in her thoughts and find out for yourself? She picked up that habit from you, after all.

Vlad: She’s learned how to keep up her guard against me. [pointed look] As I’m sure you’ve learned your own tricks against her. No matter. There are things in that girl's head beyond description. I’d rather not get mired in her depravity. Surely you know what I mean.

Caleb: I never acquired a taste for extracting people’s secrets without their permission.

Vlad: Of course not. You’re a peculiar creature, aren’t you? I warned her you wouldn’t be suited to this life. Well, in this case, you’re likely better off. Maintaining blissful ignorance is undoubtedly more pleasant than holding the eternal knowledge of all she’s done.

Caleb: [impatiently] Is there something else you wanted to discuss?

Vlad: That man - what is it, Benali? - and his charming little book… It’s not going to cause trouble, is it?

Caleb: I haven’t seen any angry hordes yet. This is your town, old man. There’ll be no trouble so long as you don’t let it in.

[francisballerhide]

An older viewer's perspective on I Saw The TV Glow

(content warning: discussion of spoilers, depression and suicidal themes.)

x-posted from the subreddit of the same name.

I am a queer, non-gender conforming (back in the day we said "genderqueer") person in their late 40s. I saw this the day before yesterday. I'm about five years or so older than the main characters (Owen and Maddy.) The equivalents to "The Pink Opaque" for my friend group that were on TV when we were the same age as the characters were Liquid TV and/or the 1992-era X Men cartoon (so as you can imagine, I've been ecstatic about the X Men 97 revival.) We were also obsessed with the film The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai: Across The Eighth Dimension.

I liked Buffy, but I was already in my 20s when it was airing.

And woah, this movie is very powerful and made me feel all sorts of things.

Like Maddy, I experienced a "break from reality" in my 20s. And I was deadset on finding someone to go on that "break" with me, to experience a folie à deux with, I guess. To help me validate that the imaginary world I was living in was "the real world," and the outside world where I was expected to "get a job and be a productive member of society" was fake.

I know in the context of the film, it's supposed to be implied that Maddy's story is true. She is really Tara, and Owen is really Isabel. But as someone who has been through something very much like Maddy describes (apart from the "being buried alive" part) it was difficult for me not to see Maddy as someone who did exactly what I did - who rejected reality as it is, and tried to check out from it completely.

But also, it's easy to see what Maddy ended up doing as a metaphor for attempted suicide - and that she might have been trying to talk Owen into going along with her on a second attempt, together, when the first attempt failed. And this may have been how Owen saw it, when he rejected it.

Because for me, adulthood felt the same way. You get a job. You try and fit in, or at least fly under the radar. It's not what you want to do - but society is constantly telling you, pressuring you, hassling you, that it's what you should be doing, what you need to do. Maybe you meet someone and settle down, maybe you don't. Maybe you have kids, and maybe you don't.

But one year passes, and then another. And then five years. And then a decade. And then three decades have gone by. And you don't feel it. It's just like skipping forward to the next scene on a DVD. And then you're old, and wondering where your life has gone. You haven't been living your real life.

And the thoughts running through your mind go: "This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. This wasn't supposed to be my life. What happened to my life?"

And as someone with left-of-center politics and a not-always stable mental state, I think: "how much of this is down to reality being screwed up, how much of this is down to us living in a "Black Iron Prison"-style reality construct; and how much of this can be blamed on "late stage" or "end stage" capitalism, which never allows people who exist outside of a certain tax bracket to self-actualize at all?

What if it is "just the suburbs?"

The answer is to try and live your truth and be your authentic self, no matter what is going on in the world outside of that - no matter how difficult the world makes it. But not everyone is strong enough, or has the psychological tools to find their way to that.

I think I need to go back and watch this film again.

I also would like to recommend Matrix Resurrections to anyone who was bummed out by the end of I Saw The TV Glow, for what happens when the person who has been insisting "that beautiful, powerful person can't be me" suddenly decides to be that, anyway.

[melbatron5000]

The confines of a story

Any time you play a game, you need to know the rules. A puzzle has a border, you can't smash the pieces into a spot they don't fit with a hammer (I mean, you can, but it won't look right when you're done), etc.

My mental assumptions are that we are following the rules of stories as told in both novel form and video form. I'm not going to list ALL the rules associated with storytelling in both forms, because whole books and classes have been written about them and the parameters are way too big.

How do I know these rules? Well, I write novels, too. I'm not Neil Gaiman, (and I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm anywhere near his level, looking at you, Magic Trick OP), but the people who've read my books say they like them, so I think I do okay? I never went to school for any of it, but the library was and is my best friend, and I've read as many books and taken as many workshops as I can on this topic. Am I an expert? Nah. I know some stuff. There's always more to know.

So anyhow, some rules:

Rule one: the story has to be generally satisfying and not make people feel betrayed or angry. Hurt is fine, angry at the characters is fine, tricked is fine, but the reader can't feel betrayed or totally let down by the author at the end of the story. It's impossible to avoid this entirely, but most people in general have to agree that the story isn't a betrayal of the reader. The author needs to keep faith with their reader as best they can.

Rule two: in mysteries, all the cards need to be on the table at some point. Misdirection or downplaying of important information or use of double-meaning words are totally fair tactics, but the answer has to be there to be sussed out by a clever observer. (I got really mad when I tried to read murder mysteries for a little while. I figured this rule out very quickly on my own, and I could always spot the killer by the end of the second chapter. I gave up on murder mysteries. HOWEVER, another author I admire wrote a classic murder mystery-style book, and when I spotted the killer in chapter two like always, she had arranged matters so that the killer's motive was shrouded in deep mystery. I burned through that book to find out WHY he dunnit, and when the main character helped the killer escape at the end, I was troubled but satisfied.) But mah point is, all the pieces to the puzzle need to come in the box.

Rule three: (which isn't really a rule so much as an observation and something I myself struggle with), writing fiction can be very hard because people are naturally not good at knowing that other people do not know what they know. You know? Psychological studies have shown that when a person knows something, like where an object is, they develop this sort of assumption that the object's location is OBVIOUS, or that other people also know where the object is or can easily guess it, no matter how hard a time they had guessing it themselves before they were told. So not only do newer writers sometimes struggle to maintain what various characters do and don't know at different times in a story, readers can also struggle with the same thing. Gotta keep your eyes peeled for what information each character actually has, and also keep in mind how easy it is to be fooled when you think you have all the facts. I notice Neil and John taking advantage of this in Good Omens a lot -- the lies that Crowley and Aziraphale tell to the other angels and demons seem really obvious -- but that's because we know they are lying and what they're lying about. When we are lied to, we fall for it as easily as those angels and demons, because we assume we know what's going on. Watch out!

Rule four: you can't break the rules. If you're going to make a wild, avant garde, ground-breaking story, that's pretty much the whole point of the entire story. Twists are fine, emphasizing or de-emphasizing expected tropes or ideas is fine, subverting a trope is fine. Otherwise, you have to stick to ideas, formats, plots, structures, etc., that have come before. For example, just as I started seeing metas about the POV characters in Good Omens 2 jumping around, I had remembered an episode of the X-Files from way back where an "alien landing" is told from three characters' perspectives. When told from the POV of the alien conspiracy-believing kid, the story gets really weird with all kinds of wild things happening. When told from doubting Scully's perspective, it gets very boring and mundane. POV jumping is nothing ground-breakingly new. There won't be anything ground-breakingly new.

Rule five: it has to make sense. Mark Twain once said, "Of course truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense." Once upon a time, a friend of mine who liked to embellish stories told me all about his new fiancee, who he'd met and proposed to all in a few months, who was head over heels for him, a gorgeous red-head, one of triplets. I never met this mystery woman, and then one day he called me to tell me she had died very suddenly and dramatically. I had my suspicions that she wasn't even real in the first place, so I made consoling noises and asked him when and where the funeral was so I could be there for him. I expected to be put off, told some crazy reason why there wouldn't be a funeral or it hadn't been planned yet and I would somehow mysteriously not hear about it until it was over. Instead, he gave me a date and location immediately. I was taken aback. I was even more taken aback when I arrived at the funeral to meet this woman's family, including the remaining red-headed pair from her triplet set, and hear all about what a whirlwind romance she'd had with my friend. If that had been a novel, I would have shut the book and told the author to give me a break. Books and TV and movies and plays can't push the consumers' credulity too much. Readers have to maintain their willingness to suspend their disbelief. It can't get too crazy. What's too crazy? Hard to say, it's kind a of a "I'll know it if I see it" sort of thing. And some people are certainly more willing to go along with something wild than others. The author can only try their best to maintain faith. To tell a story that can be believed.

Anyhow, I dunno if that's helpful at all, but it's sort of the litmus test I'm using to gage all my questions and theories. And what I'm using to shuffle in the metas and theories I like from others.

[thegamingcatmom]

OK, I know that Tanya and Carmen most definitely won't allow it....BUT

Sometimes, a girl's gonna crave a good burger and fries or like ice cream.

And I can't help but think MC asks one time idk on a car ride if they can stop at McDonald's or something, and they go no, immediate shut down.

Carmen and Tanya give her the look when MC tries to reason with them

And MC just gives up after getting the look.

BUT who's the most likely to allow it cause they dont care as much? 👀

Kate

So I'm imagining MC after knowing what Carmen and Tanya would say when a craving for junk food hits just looks over to Kate and later finds her to ask if she can take her to McDonald's or to get some junk food to hide or snack on.

Kate? On board

Easy way to score points with MC

Cheshire cat grin of evil cause MC came to her for this

Or reverse it

When MC is eventually comfortable enough around the Denali's and has accepted her fate(kinda?idk)

She bargains

Kate:hey wanna go somewhere, but I get to carry you around

MC:is it home? (like MC's home before she got taken)And what's in it for me?

Kate:no? And what do you want besides going home?

MC:.....can we get ice cream on the way? Or maybe just stop by McDonald's? I just crave fast food

Kate:the widest grin as she speeds up to MC picks her up bridal style and rushes off

(Wait I forgot MC don't know bout vampires....eh small details) :p

So yeah, the thought of Kate just secretly buying like gummy worms, candy, other junk foods as treats

For MC, if she craves something to score points, get on the good side of MC getting closer to her, pissing off Tanya

-📚

Okay, I just HAD to answer this as soon as I got home from- *drum roll*

MC DONALD'S. 🍔🍟

(No kidding. 😅)

And, seeing how I've read your ask this morning (before going out), I couldn't not imagine MC and her forced-found family in that very scenario. I was sitting there, eating my burger, like-

LMAO.

Anyhow-

.

First of all: Tanya might be persuaded. With the correct...incentive. 😏

Second of all: Seeing how that´s never (for the time being) gonna happen in MC´s books, guess our girl will have to bribe someone else.

.

Carmen?

I mean-

Listen-

That woman would do just about anything for her daughter-in-law charge. Unless that anything is dangerous, or reckless, or foolish, or suicidal, or-

In other words: Anything to do with fast food. 💀

.

Eleazar?

Well-

Listen-

He´s...alright...ish(?) to be around. When he´s not being creepy, that is. (He´s just a bit of a nerd, leave ma boy alone, MC.) But he´s also very devoted to his wife, which is a great thing in itself, no doubt about it. However-

He´ll ask what his wife said.

(MC will lie.)

(Eleazar will see right through it.)

Then he´ll deny MC because Carmen has too. It´s as simple (and painful) as that. 🤷‍♀️

.

Irina?

...

Do you think MC has a death wish?

.

Well, that leaves only one option, really-

Kate.

The middle sister wants to give in right away.

FINALLY some fun happening in this house. Fun that clearly goes against her sister´s wishes. Could this get any better??

...In fact, it can.

Because Kate also realizes how desperate MC is (despite trying her damnest to hide it.) And thus, she realizes she´s in a position where she can make demands. See what else she can get out of it, yknow?

(Kate´s the biggest lil shit, what did yall expect? Then again, Tanya ain´t that much better. She´s just less...straightforward about it. 😏)

"What kind of demands", you ask? Well-

.

(This is clearly after MC has already asked the dreaded question and then some because conversing with Kate Denali is anything but simple...)

MC, already done af with this conversation: "...Well?"

Kate: *eyes MC up for the umpteenth time, the shit-eating grin still firmly in place*

Kate: "Hmm..."

MC: 🙄😑

Kate: 😏

Also Kate: "Say, little spitfire...do you remember our conversation about how you ask for something?"

(Yes, the one in Chapter 3.)

MC, not in the mood for that shit...again: *turns around and begins to walk off cause fuck that, she´s gonna get that burger, with or without the help of that-*

Kate, internally: *panics cause her plan is about to backfire...again*

Kate, pretends to be annoyed: "My god-Wait."

MC: *stops but doesn´t turn back around yet*

Kate, while MC´s back is still turned: 🤯😩💀

Kate, internally: *think, think, think!*

Kate, pretends to be annoyed: "I´ll do it."

MC: *starts to turn around-*

Kate: *from 💀 to 🙄so damn fast cause girl gotta play her cards right while she still has them*

MC, suspicious af cause there ain´t no way it´s that easy: "...Really? Just like that?"

Kate, internally: *starts celebrating cause that´s the cue she´s been waiting for*

Kate: 😒...😏

MC: *already regrets every decision that has led to this very moment*

MC: "What do you want?"

Kate: "Careful with that phrasing, little one..."

MC: *starts to turn around again-*

Kate: "Why me?"

MC: *turns back to face her*

MC: "...What?"

Kate: "You heard me."

MC: "..."

Kate: 😏

Also Kate: "You wanna know what I think?"

MC, without missing a beat: "No."

Kate, without missing a beat either: "I think-"

Kate: *slinks closer*

Kate: "-that my stuck up family denied your cute little ass, so you came to me."

MC: "..."

Kate: *comes to stand directly in front of MC, that shit-eating grin back in full force*

Kate: "Am I right or am I right?"

MC: "..."

Kate: "Yknow...this won´t work if I´m talking to a toaster-"

MC, thoroughly done with listening to that voice: "And what of it?"

Kate: *bull´s-eye*

Kate: "I wanna hear it."

MC: "...What?"

Kate: "You heard me."

MC: "..."

Kate: "Come now...it´s not that hard."

MC: "..."

Kate: "Lemme help you:

'Kate the Great is so awesome for taking me to MC Donald´s!'

...See? Not too difficult, is it?"

MC: "..."

Kate: "...No? Hmm, how about-

'Kate the Great is the coolest Denali to be around and not at all stuck up like the rest of her family!'

...?"

MC: "..."

Kate: "...Yeah, that was a bit too simple, wasn´t it? Everyone knows that."

MC: "..."

Kate, sighing: "...Look, if you want that burger, then you gotta make amends."

MC, confused af: "...Make amends?"

Kate: "Ahh, she speaks! But yes, make amends."

MC, still confused af: "...For what??"

Kate: "Well, I did ask if you remembered our convo all those weeks ago."

MC: "..."

Kate: "Yknow, the one where you left poor ol me standing there like a fish out of water, waiting for a plea that would never come."

MC: "..."

Kate: "...Ask me again. Nicely."

MC: "..."

Kate: "What´s the magic word?"

MC: *knows exactly how that convo went down, most tempted to give the same answer she gave back then*

MC: "..."

Kate: 😏

MC: *imagines taking a bite of that burger*

Kate: 😏

MC, gathering all her willpower: "...Please."

Kate, internally:

Kate: "...Good."

MC: "..."

Kate: "..."

MC: *coughs in awkward*

Kate: *stares right into MC´s soul*

MC: *stares back*

Kate: *gaze starts drifting down-*

MC, loudly: "WELL-"

Kate: *jumps slightly, which is a feat considering she´s a vampire and not easily startled*

MC: "I dunno about you, but I´m starving and I believe I was promised a burger, sooo..."

Kate: *takes a moment too long to get her shit together, how embarassing-*

Kate, back to being Kate: "First of: I didn´t promise anything. Second-"

MC: *mentally preparing to have her dreams crushed because ofc it was too good to be true-*

Kate: *back to staring right into MC´s soul*

Kate: "...I´m starving too."

MC: *way too focused on finally getting that burger to grasp the actual meaning of that statement*

MC: 🤩 "Great! Let´s go then!"

Also MC: *proceeds to skip out of the room*

...

MC has never skipped out of a room before.

MC has never smiled at her before.

Kate thinks she likes it.

A lot.

.

OKAY-

This got WAY longer (and more emotional) than I thought it was gonna be, BUT-

It got us some soft!Kate and I´m so here for that. 😤✊

Also, every time I´m thinking MC can´t possibly get any more blissfully unaware, she goes and is even more blissfully unaware. 😭

.

.

.

Oh, btw: Even if the sister were to use their super speed around MC (which they have, if you remember), she won´t be any wiser. Why should someone conclude that they´re vampires from that? As far as MC´s concerned, they´re humanoid creatures with special abilities/super powers.

They could be Power Rangers, for all she knew. 😅

Thanks a lot for your ask! 💋

.

EDIT:

Oh, and also: Kate would´ve said "yes" sooner or later, regardless of how that convo went. As you said, it´s all about scoring points with MC. And if she gets to annoy her sister while she´s at it?

Jackpot.

Also also: She´s no doubt very pleased MC came to her, no matter if she was the first choice or the last resort. What counts is that she got to spend some quality time with the hooman.

...Something her older sister seems to be struggling with. 😏

(She´ll also be very pleased to rub it in Tanya´s face later that day. 😌)

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Animate Bonus Drama CD "Unchanging Feelings" Eng translation

Anyone happen to know where content that is probably under the title of 「土方さんの習字について」 comes from? Found it saved in my Nimble file in both JP and CN... and I have no where idea it came from. It's short exchange between Hijikata, Souji and Kondou.

Anyway, this translation is of the Hana no Shou Animate Bonus CD 「変わらぬ想い」. I actually had this on my to-do list for a while since I'm pretty sure I don't have any Iba content that's longer than two sentences (well, I'm at least pretty sure about that?)... but I just never got around to it (or a number of other drama CDs that I want to have translated...😅). Suppose it helps that I got discouraged (again) from translating the Shimabara Disturbance drama's first track as I have to go and review some videos to fill in the gaps where text is missing for that... and doing this felt like less work despite how it felt like a pain to do.

enjoy~? Almost didn't make it because I had a hard time with one sentence...

Hakuoki Shinkai Animate Bonus Drama CD "Unchanging Feelings"

Translation by KumoriYami

Iba: As expected, the Shinsengumi's training is strict, but I also feel that the time spent has been very meaningful. And practising with the officers has been exhausting.

Toudou: Oh, isn't that Hachiro? Have you come to train?

Iba: Heisuke-kun! Yes, I've just started to rest now.

Heisuke: Speaking of which, you really do seem to like our training.

Iba: I'll take that as a compliment.

Heisuke: How was the training?

Iba：There are many people who use different techniques and styles, and it's a great learning experience. I accidently got carried away and sparred with everyone many times. If I don't properly rest, I feel that my body won't be able to keep up.

Toudou: That's because Hachiro is very popular. There are many members who want to train with you.

Iba: Truly, I'm very happy.

Toudou: That's right! Who did you train with today?

IbaL Shinpat-san was my first opponent. He's as strong as ever.

Toudou: Shinpat-san is very strong.

Iba: If we were in a tsubazeriai*[references at end], I would be the one to lose, so I tried to prevent that from happening as much as possible.

tsubazeriai can be used to describe a situation where two swordsmen are very close to each other where they both try to push forward. To simplify this would be to say that they are in "neck-and-neck" competition."

Toudou: But Shinpat-san would definitely charge ahead without any mercy, right?

Iba: Precisely.

Toudou：If that happens, it feels you'd get supressed right away. It truly feels good to know that he's companion.

Iba: That's true. Ah, after that, I sparred with Saito-kun.

Toudou: Oh, how was that?

Iba: Saito-kun's iai has great value. That being said, there's no time to think about that during training.

Toudou: Hajime-kun and Shinpat-san aren't the same when it comes to strength.

Iba: My own training is insufficient.

Toudou: Hehe, then I can't lose!

Iba: Heisuke-kun still hasn't changed at all.

Toudou: You say that, but isn't it the same for Hachiro?

Iba: Me?

Toudou: That's right, it's just like that time, as long as Hachiro showed up at Shiekan, you and everyone would engage in matches.

Iba: Yes, I previously used to train a lot.

Toudou: As long as someone challenges you, you'd accept accept it.

Iba: Isn't that the same for Heisuke-kun? Didn't you Shinpat-san used to have some pretty wild fights before?

Toudou: Ah, I miss those. They were the sort that didn't end unless someone collapsed.

Iba: Of course, the two of you were both over your heads/stubborn.

Toudou: Even though I really got beaten until I collapsed, we were scolded by Hijikata-san.

Iba: Even if we try to console him, he wouldn't listen at all.

Toudou: It's because it feels like Shinpat-san's physical strength is endless, that his attacks are relentless.

Iba: I know how you feel. It's because we know the other party is strong that we fixate on not losing.

Touodu: We surprisingly haven’t changed at all.

Iba: Indeed, even back then, Toshi-san was obsessed with victory and defeat.

Toudou: Why are you bringing up Hijikata-san now?

Iba: When mentioning things that haven't changed, the first person that comes to mind is Toshi-san.

Toudou: Hachiro, you've really admired Hijikata-san for a long time.

Iba: Yes, Ithis hasn't changed since then.

Toudou: Hey, what exactly is so good about HIjikata-san? Not that I hate him or anything.

Iba: Toshi-san is a very good person. Not only is his swordsmanship excellent, but I was attracted to his character.

Toudou: Like how/For instance/example?

Iba: For example, he's very strict but is still treats us with love.

Toudou: Love!?

Iba: On one hand, he has resolute and unwavering beliefs, but he simultaneously has a weakness to cute things.

Toudou: Was there such a thing?

Iba: Even his ability to not drink is quite charming.

Toudou: Haha, I get that!

Hijikata: Tch, you guys, what exactly is it that you know.

Heisuke: Hijikata-san?!

Iba: Tosh-san! We were just talking about Toshi-san.

Hijikata: Yeah, I figured… I could hear uncomfortable subjects from afar.

Iba: Toshi-san, you you like to talk about this too?

Hijikata: What do you want me to say?

Iba: Of course, about how outstanding Toshi-san is.

Hijikata: Spare me. Furthermore, it'd be too embarrassing if the other members heard this so please stop.

Iba: Is that so. That's a pity. Since Toshi-san has said that, I won't say anymore.

Hijikata: Geez, you. Also, Heisuke! I'm not bad at drinking!

Toudou: Ah, I get it. (Hijikata walks away). That scared me. Hijikata-san has seriously good ears, I don't know he always appears when he's mentioned.

Iba: That aspect hasn't changed at all.

Toudou: That's right. Who knows when he started listening/when his ears became so sensitive.

Iba: Hey, Heisuke-kun.

Toudou: What is it?

Iba: You, Heisuke-kun, who has since been learning from everyone else and going in the same way since the beginning/Everyone, including Heisuke-kun, who used to be shrouded in obscurity is now in Kyoto as the prestigious Shinsengumi, and I became an Okuzume. Although we're not in the same position, we all serve the shogunate. Thinking of about it all this way, always feels incredible.

Toudou: Ah, that's right.

Iba: What's wrong?

Toudou: I mean this hypothetically, but what if you questions about where you fit in/belonged?

Iba: Eh? Do you have questions about where you belong?

Toudou: Yeah.

Iba: If I had any questions, then I would be not be questioning where it was that I belonged, but myself.

Toudou: What do you mean?

Iba: I have my own beliefs about the work I do as an Okuzume. Because of that, I often get anxious about whether or not what I do is useful.

Toudou: I see. So Hachiro also feels the same way.

Iba: Yes, I have thinking of this especially lately.

Toudou: I've been thinking about some things lately. the people who've been joining the Shinsengumi, and how it's changed. In the future, when these changes become bigger and bigger, will I be able to think as I do now?

Iba: Heisuke-kun...

Toudou: Sorry, I said something weird.

Iba: Ah, no, not really.

Toudou: Forget about what I just said. It's almost time for me to go on patrol. I'll be going!

Iba: Oh, Heisuke-kun! Wait a moment!

(Heisuke runs off)

What happened to him? Ah? Toshi-san! How long have you been there?

Hijikata: Ah, you noticed me. I was just passing by. By the way, is that guy Heisuke, okay?

Iba: Ah, Toshi-san is also worried about Heisuke-kun? That's why just now.

Hijikata: We've known each other for a long time so it's hard to not notice any changes to him. Although I've been trying to keep more of an eye on him lately, that guy's been worrying about something by himself all the time.

Iba: So that's how it is. Although Heisuke-kun seems to be thinking about a number of things, I think it's best to leave him to think to himself.

Hijikata: I see.

Iba: It's fine. If Heisuke-kun really has a problem, he has a trustworthy comrade beside him.

Hijikata: Trustworthy is it, well, maybe so.

Iba: Speaking of which, Toshi-san, do you had questions about where you belong after that?

Hijikata: What, why are you suddenly asking about this sort of thing.

Iba: It just came to mind. Of course, just hypothetically.

Hijikata: The moment I suspect that the Shinsengumi is over, I think it's my responsibility to prevent that situation from happening.

Iba: : Even so, if one day the Shinsengumi really changes, and if that sort of thing really happens, will Toshi-san be able to stay the same as before?

Hijikata: As long as Kondou-san and I are alive, the Shinsengumi will not change. But if change happens, then I won't change, regardless of how large the changes are around me, I just need to stick to my beliefs.

Iba: As expected, Toshi-san is indeed the same Toshi-san from before.

Hijikata： What are you saying.

Iba: It's so great that I met Toshi-san, I've been attracted to you for a long time.

Hijikata: Hey, that's why I asked you to stop saying such embarrassing things for others to hear.

Iba: Really? Is it something embarrassing?

Hijikata: You haven't changed at all. How is it that I can be so interesting to you?

Iba: Of course that's because I respect Toshi-san.

Hijikata: As you wish, but, just don't mention this sort of thing in front of the other soldiers.

Iba: Ah, I understand.

Hijikata: Then I'll be going first.

Iba: Ah, please Toshi-san, I'll be going back to training, so please accompany me!

(footsteps)

(The current situtation is very turbulent,but even if everything changes, the ideals I have in my heart will remain unchanged. The guidance he gave just now, has clearly been engraved into my thoughts. I will just believe in what you said, Toshi-san.)

Hijikata Toshizou: Miki Shin'ichiro

Toudou Heisuke: Yoshino Hiroyuki

Iba Hachirou: Miyano Mamoru

---end---

image was taken from suruga-ya

*references:

https://www.japanesewiki.com/culture/Tsubazeriai.html

https://www.tanoshiijapanese.com/dictionary/entry_details.cfm?entry_id=41759&element_id=204340

https://samurai-shodown.fandom.com/wiki/Locking_Swords

note to self: maybe use an audio translator to check over that line when Iba first mentions the Okuzume... not sure about that part since the translations of the differing tls I use are very different in that part.

[o-craven-canto]

Upon being tagged by @wellmetmat; thanks for thinking of me! I hope you'll pardon me if I don't tag anyone additional just yet.

1. What virtue do you most often see in other people that you feel comparatively deficient in?

First of all, self-confidence, absolutely. I think the shame centers in my brain are accidentally wired to fire at ten times the expected intensity. A minuscule rebuke can make my whole day worse, however objective I try to be about it, and more often than not I feel just barely tolerated by the people around me, even though I'm fairly sure that that is not actually the case. The #1 advice I get from my coworkers is "you need to get better at self-promotion".

Close second, constancy. You wouldn't believe the amount of stuff in my backlog (or maybe you would, it's probably not all that extraordinary an amount). At the very least I should be doing more work on my main long-term creative projects: my future-history novel, and my Ea worldbuilding, both of which are years behind schedule. Though in my defense I'm also doing a PhD, which I'm also somewhat behind with but not ruinously so, so there's that.

2. Show us an object in your daily life that you have an emotional attachment to - tell us a little bit about it if you want! (a favourite mug perhaps? socks with a cute pattern? dealers choice)

Well. I have here this old wallet in blue denim-like cloth, which has absolutely nothing distinctive or particularly endearing, but I've had it since I was in middle school or about there, so. Had it pickpocketed a couple years ago, and I mourned the wallet a lot more than the money, but the thief had at least the decency of leaving it where it would be soon found, with all documents in order, which I guess was nice of them. (They must have had a nasty surprise when they realized the wallet's impressive thickness was almost entirely old receipts and train tickets I hadn't gotten around to throwing away yet).

3. If you could choose, what level of fame would you want? How many people would you want to recognise you?

Hmm, probably some mild subsubcultural level. The point where two blogs can exchange a few posts discussing my work, or where a few people may comment under a story "this reminds me of Concavenator's style". Anything above that would probably take too much attention end energy, and those grapes look sour anyway. This is probably not outside my grasp, especially if I make some progress on that "constancy" thing.

4. Where do you feel language is least adequate to capture, communicate, or express your experience?

You could argue that this question is, by definition, impossible to answer! But to actually try, I do have some extremely strong feelings about biological life, evolution, extinction, and deep time, which I've tried to express in various ways over the years, never quite to my satisfaction. Actually, I've never seen anyone express them satisfactorily yet. I guess it's kind of a mystical thing. You look at mountains and you see them swell and warp under the strain of a continent crawling north. These words I've just written are not adequate. It will sound like a weird niche interest but it's genuinely a major part of what I see when I look around.

5. If you had to come up with a question with the following criteria:

a) it should disuade knee-jerk reaction answers (i.e. it shouldn't be something people are likely to have spent a lot of time considering before)

b) it shouldn't be too specialised (the audience should be general, don't ask about people's top 3 byzantine spice merchants opperating between 754AD-816AD)

c) it shouldn't be needlessly emotionally charged or divisive

d) it should be a question you expect people to have lots of varied opinions about

What would your question be?

Hmm. How about this: if for the rest of your life hereon you could only communicate directly with X people, what would be the smallest value for X for which you'd be satisfied?

[gerrydelano]

i need to catch up on your fics but i am chin hands about trans fem gerry. i remember you talking about it before but id love to hear any new or updated thoughts :0

some of it would be spoilers for the PBR epilogue so i'm going to keep that to myself until then, but! ultimately i just was thinking about the fact that he uses she/her pronouns and enters Girl Mode in his happiest moments, his most intimate and vulnerable moments with people he trusts to love him, and what that says about his actual state of being outside of those moments. it means he's not fully happy or comfortable, there's something holding him back, which i've gathered is a fairly common feeling.

he's still got an attachment to being A Son specifically it's just rooted in his being but look me in the eyes and tell me that ever made him feel safe in his own body or head or surroundings. y'know? there's spoiler territory there with that part of the discussion though so heehee.

(not that long i just don't want everything stretching the dash where i might not be able to edit it later)

i do think she's always going to identify himself as a fag though which is also pretty common because things are more complicated than they are binary and he's always a color wheel understander. his gender is faglady but realistically her gender is also just nothing you could comprehend if you're not open to contradiction. you can't expect him to fit into neat little boxes, she just won't do it, it's not anybody else's business but his.

so. transfem gay man is probably still where he's at in general at this point in time in my writing but as time has gone on his egg has increasingly cracked lol it's just a matter of like... what's going on in his life, who she's with, how safe he feels being herself. as of right now, she saves herself for tim and tim is nothing but reverent about it and i could go ON about how her sex life goes hand in hand with her gender but i don't want to flood the dash with BDSM discussion LOL even though i have thoughts for MILES about it. i talked a bit about it in the link above iirc. it's incredibly soft and meaningful and also, crucially, sexy. but mostly it just makes her feel so incredibly safe and desired and respected and these are all things that were previously missing from her life in such a huge way, like.

look at his life. look at the life he's lived and tell me he's ever been fully happy playing the role he was put in. the expectations his mother had of him, that gertrude had of him, the way he was expected to obey and sacrifice and even hurt people at times because that's just how the world works, right.

well, he's never wanted to participate in that way of living! and he only did it as a survival mechanism because where else could he go but always come back home to mary and her dreams for him which were always just an extension of herself, he was nothing to her but an extension of herself and her wants and her beliefs and he was anything but that, even when he tried to blend in. half the time he measures his life from injury to injury. his whole life felt like nothing but punishment and for a long time he wouldn't even know what for.

it can be such a transgender narrative if you look at it. the repression that he'd have had to deal with is insane even if you look at how loud and proud he is about his sense of style (which is extremely queer in and of itself.)

and i also just do not buy transmasc gerry i'm so sorry you can absolutely have that HC if you want and i will not attack you for it but look at him. listen to him. and also remember that eric, who died when gerry was 2 years old, referred to him as his son. sorry but that to me says he's amab because He Was Un Bebe. also in what WORLD would mary be a supportive parent to a trans kid. she literally insists on calling him by his full birth name that he DOESN'T LIKE BEING CALLED; classic trans thing! he canonly has a PREFERRED name. a preferred androgynous name!

it just makes more sense to me that he's transfem. i don't believe he has a desire to be all that traditionally masculine. he literally is so gnc in canon and his whole life just reads to me as "person who did not get the chance to fully embrace themselves because everything was just too damn hard." i also enjoy depicting people transitioning later in life, because it's never too late! it's NEVER too late to embrace who you are and work out who you've wanted to be for a long time.

i think he still lives in ambiguity and grey areas and blindspots. it may not have even occurred to him that she wanted to transition until later in life anyway because life never slowed the fuck down for him enough to let himself ask the questions! but he knew he wanted his hair long. he paints his nails. he wears eyeliner and dangly jewelry and alt clothes and yeah, cis people can do that, but it's also a way to flag! a very strong way of flagging! these are all the things that felt right to him in canon and no one stays that alt into their thirties without a little bit of gender going on somewhere in the mix, be serious, y'know? g-d. i'm so invested forever in gerry's gender jfhbnkjn.

he doesn't like labels, he really doesn't. and she might not ever call herself a woman as much as a lady in particular but she likes the phrases "good girl" and "princess" in bed, she likes being seen as feminine in comparison to a partner, she has feminine preferences. she would probably use more reclaimed slurs to refer to herself than i'm comfortable just tossing around but like, a lot of people prefer those as identifiers than "man" or "woman" like i refer to myself as a fag dyke all the time and it's more affirming to me than trying to decide if i'm a trans guy or if i'm a butch dyke At All Times. gender can be complicated! i think it IS complicated for gerry at the moment with his baggage but i imagine if he were ever able to really let go of that baggage, she'd be a very different, happier person. i think she would like it to be simpler sometimes. she treats it simply even if other people might not be able to. she's really calm about all of it, and even as it changes, it just makes her confidence grow. really comes down to the people she's surrounded by and the opportunities that she manages to grab a hold of in terms of finally letting herself just be. and i just think the results of it are really gorgeous.

anyway transfem gerry truther forever

[karizard-ao3]

Hello! I've been enjoying reading your NGE opinions and aus a lot! Can I ask you how'd you do a full prom saga au?

Whew, why does this feel so tricky? I've been thinking about this one and I'm not sure where to take it, so let's just jump in!

First off, I think we have to group everyone into who would expect/ want to go to prom and who wouldn't? So it would be:

Wants to:

Asuka, Kensuke, Toji, Class Rep (Hikari?), Kaworu

Not interested:

Rei

Too insecure to even contemplate going to prom unless a minimum of three people he admires tell him they want to see him there:

Shinji

Then we have to think, what would be the conflict? What is the big problem we're having with prom that we're going to have to overcome? I think the answer is obvious: How to get Shinji and Rei to go. I feel like Asuka needs to be the driving force there, but I also don't think she would particularly care if they go (Rei she definitely wouldn't give a fuck, Shinji she would be back and forth on, I think) unless there was an incentive. So, maybe Misato asks her to try to get Shinji and Rei to go as a favor because she's worried about them being such depressed loners and, in exchange for her service, Misato will-

Wait. oh my god. We have an opportunity here to do a makeover plot line.

Ohhhhhhhhhh my god. Please forget everything I was saying before because I think this would be so funny. We could do an Asushin She's All That thing! Hot and popular Asuka declares that she can turn any loser boy from school into the Prom King, and poor Shinji becomes her project.

I think if we go this route we would probably have to alter the living arrangements so that Asuka and Shinji are not housemates, but I think we could reasonably have them living in the same apartment building. I kind of want to have Shinji living with Kaji and Asuka with Misato. I like when Misato and Asuka have girl talk and I think it's cute that Shinji apparently tries to mimic Kaji's style in ANIMA. Oh, what if Shinji tried to style himself like Kaji on the day Asuka decided to ask him to prom and was not successful? She critiques his look and is like, "I'll fix you, if you agree to go to prom with me" or something like that? I don't know. Just a thought. It might not work.

Kaji and Misato having their own little romance subplot going on while Asuka and Shinji are going through their own thing also very much appeals to me, and as the Asushin plotline progresses it can impact Kaji and Misato's relationship somehow? Don't know. But I do want a Kaji/Misato thing to happen. (I googled it. The ship name is Misakaji.)

Okay, so, Asuka and Shinji have this deep-seated disdain for each other, even from the beginning. I guess maybe Class Rep can be the one who picks Asuka's project and she picks Shinji, which Asuka tries to get out of at first, but eventually has to suck it up and invite him to prom. So that's the first hurdle. She needs to get him to agree. Luckily for the fic, Shinji will have his own reasons for saying yes. What could they be? Probably some kind of pressure from his friends. Kensuke and Toji were teasing him about being bitchless or something, maybe? Or Kaji tells him he needs to find a prom date and do one normal high school thing before he graduates. We know Shinji does what he's told, so he's now struggling to find a date. Along comes Asuka to tell him he's going to prom with her and also allowing her to make him over so she'd not humiliated to be seen with him, and he's just like, "Ugh. Fine."

They are definitely butting heads and stuff at first, but eventually they start to see a softer side of each other, as happens in these situations. Maybe Shinji discovers Misato never stocks food in the fridge and Asuka isn't a very accomplished cook, so he ends up bringing her meals. Asuka learns that Shinji doesn't want to look like his asshole father and she reveals her own father is a jerk, so they bond over that? They find out Kaji and Misato are hooking up and that's a whole thing.

There should be some angry making out.

I mean, they would really only have like a month to go from prom invite to prom night, right? Or is it six weeks? It's a very short amount of time for them to switch their tunes about each other, so I guess maybe instead of a full on love confession, we can shoot for something like: Shinji is feeling really awful about himself that he needs to be made over and act like a completely different person to get positive attention from the other kids at school. Asuka feels like her baby romance with Shinji is only because she's pushing it, and he doesn't actually care. In the end Asuka tells Shinji he's fine the way he is and undoes his makeover as much as she can (she gives him back his polo shirt and comes the styling product out of his hair? Or she rents him the silly powder blue tux he was so taken with when they went shopping for prom outfits?). She also tells Shinji he doesn't have to go to prom with her. She might just stay home. Shinji says he would rather hang out with her, then, since the only reason he wants to go to prom is to hang out with her. It is a lovely moment. Misato and Kaji are not having it. They have both spent so much fucking money on the kids' tickets and limo and outfits and shit. Misato even paid for Asuka to get her makeup done by a professional. It's very sweet they think they're going to hang out around the house in their prom outfits, but no. They are actually getting their asses to prom right now.

So Asuka and Shinji go to the dance, but they sneak out onto the school roof or something at some point and slow dance under the stars and then don't go back in.

I hope that was intelligible. I will not be reading over it for mistakes. Feel free to chime in with other ideas.

[dailybayonetta]

Why do people even say that Bayonetta 3 story sucked? Didn't like story was always bad in these games?

Okay, so here's one important thing I've already said before: Bayonetta 3 story is SO bad that people who didn't even cared in the slightest about Bayos story or thought it was bad before said / say THIS ONE was really bad.

And here's the thing - it's actual truth. Like sure, we can pretend that Bayos story was masterpiece here and it never done anything wrong but that's just a lie. By videogame standarts the story is bad, especially in recent years when storytelling has evolved. By media story standarts and is general it's even worse and even more rough. But thing is Bayos doesn't have to be more than just character AND fun. Because gameplay is what people are after (the general audience) and it's always been like that. Noone was expecting some God of War level narrative or even Nier that is riddled with good stuff. (you know, as more action game as an example) Like look at Metal gear rising in retrospect and how it's wacky story got more love over the years, despite being hated at start. BECAUSE IT'S FUN. AND BOTH BAYOS, with it's flaws but still, WERE FUN AND HAD CHARACTERS. AN HAD CHARACTER. Like the stories are a mess, but regardless of that, the characters were fun and therefore you as a viwer had fun. It had action pieces, there was drama (i'd say to some degree it's genuine), there was humor. And again I think one of parts that played into it - Bayonetta was a character I haven't seen in games before like that. Like her figurine and style was a priority, but she still SHOWN to have emotions - she cared for Cereza, she cared for Jeanne, she cared for Luka, she cared for Loki, she cared for Balder despite knowing his fate, same goes for Rosa, even if it was for a brief moment. Ahd these moments are memorable, some of the favorite parts for many people. And Bayo3 just doesn't have that. Bayo in Bayo3 is so stiff - no care for other versions not really (on the surface levels at best), her relationship with Viola is kind of cranky too like she cares but it's alright like it's probably the strongest one (ugh), no care for Jeanne (except some hesitation with Egyptian one I guess) REMEMBER HOW WORRIED SHE WAS ABOUT HER IN BAYO2???? SURE MISS THAT ONE. Sure love how she shoot her mother and barely shows emotion, SURE THAT IS FUN WHEN CHARACTERS DON'T GIVE A FUCK, RIGHT? OH THAT IS BADASS AHA. Even with Luka, it's like whatever, so supposedly the most important component of the story isn't there either. Like it was basic and not engaging in any moment. Like, it's just a simple formula imo: Baoy3 story is weak, because Bayonettas characterisation in Bayo3 is weak. I think the whole excuse of "well, that's Cereza not Bayo" is SOOOO lame. Like, she was a child, we've seen her as a child. IF ANYTHING, she would be MORE fun and MORE charasmatic and MORE joyful.

And, like, not a lot of action-slasher protagonist get development. Like, look at Dante - for his five games he's different in almost all of them and yet he saves the characteristics he has. Even if different people were writing him, they at least tried to be consistent and one important thing - even if they introduced Nero "to pass a torch" they didn't somehow a) killed Dante b) didn't killed his character, what he is and I think that just felt so refreshing when new character-kid gets introduced c) he still remained the most fun of the cast, because didn't took so seriously. and i hate when people compare them, but it's the best example of things done with action franchise rightfuly But Bayo3 is just tries soooooooo hard to be this serious narrative which it never should been in the first place. Like what could be fun than meeting four (plus two at end) different Bayos??? AND THEY FUCKED IT UP BY TREATING THIS CONFLICT SO SERIOUSLY, YOU DON'T EVEN GET TO KNOW THEM AND THEY JUST WASTED FOR NO REASON. Like at this point just make a fun ride. Instead cutscenes drag longer than they should, they are not as entertaining as they should, support cast gets aside but this Bayonetta can't carry this solo, Viola isn't there for long either so it doesn't commit to that part either. THIS GAME HAS A PLOT TWIST VILLIAN??????? LMAO BITCH??????? AND HIS MOTIVATIONS ARE CLEAR ONLY IN CODEX???????????? NEVER DO THAT?? (THAT'S REALLY BAD STORYTELLING) IN FACT A LOT STUFF IS IN THE CODEX????? LIKE U ARE NOT DARK SOULS, THAT'S NOT HOW LORE WORKS. Not to mention, I think this time the ending is the worst one out of all. Last bosses suck (they do in prevous too, but at least they are grand and epic or something), but you also have to sit through TWO endings and you get lame ass dance sequences at the end (the credits one is sooo much better). And it's just drags and drags, like it's not only shitty but story standarts, it's just shitty in a way it conveys things. I would say to some degree it's even worse. Like bad thing is already bad, but then it lasts longer - OOF.

[theroundbartable]

Scam warning

Hello guys (/n), I'm going to tell you a little story about how I almost got scammed today. THANKFULLY, I'm extremely skeptical about people and don't make rash decisions, but more to that in a second.

So, the story begins with an instagram request for a commission by a private account (with a name where a few letters had been replaced with numbers). Or rather, whether or not I do take requests. Now, it wasn't the first time I've received one, but it was the first time I thought: You know what? Why not try it out for once? In hindsight, these may already have been scam accounts who simply gave up once I shut them down at first contact. (Instagram has loads of scammers.) At that point, I was, of course, already aware that scams are a thing, so I was wary from the very beginning but naive and curious enough to try. I don't HAVE a business account on paypal or anything, I made it clear to the user that it's the first time I've ever tried this, so I ask for patience to bear with me trying to figure out how it works. For that reason alone I stated fairly low prices and what not. But I also made clear that I would charge for my work and payment via paypal.

The first thing that seemed... OFF to me, was that I was sent a reference picture and a 'can you draw this'. I expected ... more. Like, a prompt, a certain style or something specific like a tattoo design (to which I would have declined). Nothing came, they just agreed on the highest price range I offered. So, I figured they wanted a full on colored picture. I assumed that this person may have paid for commissions before and was therefore kind of used to these exchanges and didn't wish to bother me, the artist, too much. As I mentioned above, I do not have a business account on paypal. I never upgraded and paypal TELLS me, I need to give in a firm address. And since I live in Germany, I KNOW there are tons of restrictions for these. I'd have to have official paperwork and everything to do this, but I didn't want to risk publishing my parents' address and so on. NEITHER did I feel comfortable even sharing my private E-Mail. And here is where I was smart for once, because this E-mail was set up running about max. an hour before I responded to the Instagram request. Now, after all the necessary precautions were done, they told me they already sent me the money on paypal. Which... odd? I expected some reluctance and mistrust on their part. But again, I assumed it had to do with their experience. So I looked and found that I had received nothing. I checked again, nothing. What I did receive, was an Email from what appeared to be Paypal.

It looked official at first glance... And here is where my mind went cray cray. Because, okay, here me out, I'm easy to fool and don't like bothering people with my shit. I actually believed that this instagram user would have to pay 300$ to have me have a business account. And I thought, hold on, this doesn't make sense. If there is a fee to pay, why do THEY have to pay it, and why do they get it refunded? What's the purpose of these 300$ that appear and disappear out of and into nowhere? But I was fooled enough to believe it. Or at least assume it was a coincidence and that if this email was scam I did not suspect the instagram user.

Although, I did think, if this was a scam, it would make sense. Because they'd be playing me to believe they were the ones being fooled and I'd offer to pay them their money back out of my own pocket. Which I had early decided would be the last, LAST resort. Or in this case, none at all. Because I would have simply finished the drawing, sent it to them and then lived without the profit. They would have paid, I would have done the work, the payment would simply have been lost at sea and I'd feel like crap about how it all went, but without making a minus. But of course, as a morally just person, I could not let them pay that money to paypal for no reason, so I told them to wait, I would try to open a business account manually, because that should have fixed the problem, right? And I would find these requirements somewhere on the app, and likely in the process of opening a business account, right? There should be no such thing as automatically upgrading to business paypal without extra steps. That's why this seemed weird in the first place. But of course, there have been Loads of AGB changes without my notice, so what do I know? So, I tried. It didn't work and it didn't add up with the mail. The user told me, they would pay the fee, I told them to wait until I figured out more. I couldn't find anything about this, so of course, I grew more skeptical. Because I do not like when I don't understand how something works and how it's all connected, so I refused to give up just yet. (kinda weird how I assumed they would be just as mistrusting of such a money demanding email as I was. They didn't seem to be, but I didn't trust it.) I then told them that paypal usually allows you a refund if you didn't get what you asked for, but they said they tried and it didn't work, and that I would have to send THEM the initial fee back. I hesitated. Because at this point, it was beginning to feel ... weird. And surreal. Because I assumed they would focus more on receiving the art, but the focus wasn't on that at all. They didn't even ask me how long I'd need to do it. They didn't seem worried or stressed, they were calmer than me, and I was holding myself together remarkably well for my own temper. And I told them as much.

I asked them to wait again, as I would ask a friend of mine who DOES have a paypal business account and who knows these things. They asked me why we can't do it alone. So, I told them as follows:

It's obvious, isn't it? I KNOW my friend personally, I know what they know, what they can do, etc. I do not know you, the stranger over instagram and you don't know me, so I don't expect there to be THAT level of trust between us. They may as well expect that I'm the scammer, right?

And I guess that's when my suspicion slowly hardened, because wouldn't people NORMALLY be glad if I knew someone who could help? Why keep this between us, who have no clue what's going on? Of course, I thought, it could simply be pride. But then why let ME handle it all, instead of insisting they know what to do?

My next course of action was then to text that friend, while I already readied myself to respond to the paypal mail. Because how DARE they expect random people to pay 300$ for someone else's account? (Told you, I'm a naive fool.) But then... in the middle of typing, I paused. Because as I mentioned, Germany has a ton of restrictions. And ONE of these restrictions is that in Emails, they have to link an Impressum. Contact data and stuff. The email seemed... too short, so I went and looked up the email address. At first, I couldn't find anything. Which was even weirder, because if this was officially paypal, it SHOULD be linked somewhere, right? So, I tried looking again. And this time, there was one meager result. And THIS was it:

The email was fishy, because it had an onmail. ending. I cross examined it by googling the official paypal mail and.... BABAM. That one has a dozen results on google. At this point, I was honestly, more impressed than upset. And maybe a little proud that even my moral justice and naivety hadn't completely betrayed me. And you know? I would have felt bad to assume that the instagram user was at fault for this, and this wasn't just a coincidence... If it weren't for the fact that my intended business email had existed for less than an hour, therefore nearly impossible to have been open for data leaks or what not, and THEY were the first person I sent it to. It was the third mail in total I got, next to the "welcome to gmail" and "Your account has been linked to paypal" mail. So, finally, I could be sure. I reported and blocked the instagram user and I do hope that they get taken down. Check the email-addresses that want to send you stuff. Never trust people you've never met, ask for a second opinion if you're unsure and cross examine everything. I hope that by reading this little story, you guys will find the red flags that the idiot I am refused to see at first glance. I've highlighted them in bolt letters to make sure you see how MANY there are. Everything that's bolt are where my mind went: hold on a second. You can tell... it's quite a LOT I ignored before I reported them, isn't it? Don't be like me. Make sure you block them before this happens.