#which is the reason i bought that yarn in the first place and like i plan to do that

[muirneach]

finished my knitting project last night and now im like. well now what 🧍‍♂️that was all i did for the past three weeks idk how to act anymore if im not constantly knitting

[acrossthewavesoftime]

I am, for Reasons that Be, not in a very Christmassy mood presently, but over the last couple of days, some things have happened that are so kitschy almost that they could be straight out of some Christmas movie:

I was standing at some traffic lights that had already been red for at least five minutes in a city I've not been to before with a train to catch. Just to the right of me was a parked police car with several police in it, so I was absolutely not going to risk at least a stern talking-to or at worst a fine and some obnoxious paperwork when I had places to be on time. Annoyed, I waited, as the man waiting next to me, a pretty 'business' looking 40-something with a small silver trolley suitcase, started talking to me. We tried to make light of the annoyance of waiting when suddenly, he, still suitcase in hand, assumed the pose of an Olympic athlete in the starting block and started a countdown: "anytime now!" Amused, I joined in, pulling off a bit of a comedic spectacle for another two minutes when the pedestrian crossing traffic lights finally switched to green. He excitedly waved me goodbye, laughing still.

Given the reliability (cough) of Deutsche Bahn paired with an ominous date, I was not too hopeful for my travels on Friday the 13th. Especially not when I met - let's call her Laura - at the station. Laura is unmissable because she will always give me a big wave when she sees me first, and looks very much like I would imagine a modern take on a fairy godmother from a folk tale to look like with her reddish hair, bright smile and high-vis vest, never travelling without a minimum of one knitting project in her bag, the yarn perching on top of my suitcase as we chat on the train and she works on another sock. 'Historically' speaking, Laura and I only ever seem to be on the same train when there are significant delays involved; this is how we got to talk to each other for the first time, venting as we stood next to each other in the cold, waiting for delayed trains or the emergency railway replacement service to at last show up. On Friday, we chatted as we usually do, and recalling a prior delay during which we had been comrades-in-suffering, Laura said to me, smiling as brightly as ever: "Let's hope all goes well for you today!", accompanied by making the obligatory joking 'knock on wood'-gesture against her temple. And it worked. After several annoying experiences in the past months, including drunk football fans nigh demolishing the train, a regional railway standstill and general delays, my travels were eventless and wonderfully comfortable that day. No delays to speak of, and with the usually rare available storage space for my suitcase next to my seat on every train. I have learned that she enjoys home-made bread, so perhaps, knowing her schedule, I should bring her some as an offering next time I take the same train as her.

Last month, I needed silk scarves to DIY a late 1790s headdress for a costumed event. I did the sensible thing and tried to find some on a common German platfom for small ads, and found a white one with stripes I really liked. Sadly, the lady selling it as part of liquidating unused paraphenalia from a silk-painting hobby, did not get back to me in time. Messaging me later, I bought the scarf, figuring that I could still use it alongside the one I ended up using instead, for future events. Opening the envelope she sent me, I found not only the scarf I ordered, but a very narrow, and very long table runner as well. Naturally, I thanked the lady and told her that her little extra gift was just what I could use, explaining my costuming hobby and that I would dye the table runner to make into a sash to wear over my muslin gown. She replied by saying that "it's Christmas, and surprising someone with a gift is wonderful!", adding on the accuracy of her own prediction on what I could use without knowing anything more than my postal address: "One can read minds..."

[katasstrophy]

Hear me out hear me outtttt!!

That Isagi fic where he won’t take off the bracelet reader made him but instead it’s Shidou and he refuses to take off the dog collar you bought him.✋🏼

Bonus points if reader is fucked up and calls Shidou, this feral ass dog, “puppy” or some cute shit like that. He will NOT be taking off that collar, no sir. And I think he would try and physically fight the refs if they even tried him. 😭

(the isagi fic in question) nonnie i am hearing you loud and clear this is GOLDEN lmfao. welcome to the sequel, “god, not this feral fucking ass dog again” i am actually about to lose it.

you bet your ass reader got him an actual dog collar too. didn’t have a smidge of consideration in them to drop a pretty penny on some cushy chocker at the sex shop — just sauntered into the pet shop on a regular tuesday and brought home the first pink dog collar they found. 

the cashier probably very innocently initiated small talk like “aw, what kind of breed are you buying for?” and reader just scoffed and casually dropped the nuclear bomb that “my boyfriend who needs to be put in his place.” they didn’t ask a single question for the rest of the day pls someone lock those two up 😭

shidou is, of course, expectedly elated about what was supposed to be a gag gift you’d strap on his neck real tight for a night of animalistic sex then shove in a drawer until the next time he decided to cross a line with you. gets all pouty like “sweet cheeks, did you forget the leash? how’ya supposed to take me on walks now, ah?” he is. sooooo messed up. you lovingly and messily stitch the words he bites <3 with hot pink yarn into the collar just to really sell the thing and shidou literally refuses to take it off anywhere he goes. he shows up to a promotional shoot with the collar on. runs errands for you while scandalising all of tokyo. posts a selfie with it on his socials with the captions ain’t no better engagement ring than this

so, inevitably, when football season rolls around again, everybody has to deal with the fact that shidou ryusei will not take off the pink dog collar he still routinely wears during sex, no matter what bullshit reason is presented to him. when anri finally musters up the courage to gently confront him about it, the bastard just claims it would ruin your engagement (which hadn’t actually happened yet but shidou knows you’re too psycho for anyone else. he’s the only one that can handle you <3) and the collar doesn’t lie. he does bite. so the refs on the field don’t even dare to breathe near his direction. blue lock boyfriends: 2, poor refs who didn’t fucking ask for this: 0.

[annaraebananawriter]

"Someone who’s eaten that much ice cream is clearly not okay. come on, talk to me." With Dream, Ink and Blue for the quote thingy please I love them

I think this drabble is actually 100% fluff. Which...is a first for me, I think. I am unsure how to feel about it. (Lie: I am really happy with this drabble and I hope you are too. I had lots of fun.)

Now, will all my talk of Star Sans Poly lately, I have gotten myself in the mood for it, so some of that might've bled into this drabble. But I think it's more so in a 'before they realized they loved each other' sort of way than anything else.

Small warning for cursing and mentioned animal death and I think that's it. Let me know!

Happy reading! Prompt is italicized.

~oOo~

Ink checked his phone as Blue pulled into the driveway. "Still haven't heard from him."

"Well, he can't ghost us anymore."

See, last week, they had agreed--all three of them, that is; Ink, Blue, and Dream--to go out on a fun little night this weekend. Ink needed some more yarn, as he was on a knitting kick lately and had run out of the bulk of the yarn he bought at the beginning. They planned to go shopping first, first art stuff, then maybe clothes and a few other places, then it was dinner time, where they would be eating at a dinner they all liked and frequented, and then it was off to the movies, where they would watch the one that was finally here that they'd been looking forward to all year.

Blue had been looking forward to this night all week. It'd been a couple of months since the three of them had hung out together. No fault of any of theirs, things have just been busy. But he was missing his friends, a lingering ache in his chest the longer his messages on his phone remained bare and the more nights he had with uninterrupted peaceful sleep.

That's how he knew it was getting bad--he was even missing Ink's late-night phone calls that kept him up for an hour before he finally convinced the artist to either sleep or reminded him to do something else.

And, finally, the night came. He met up with Ink and they wandered around the shop they agreed to meet at, waiting for Dream...who never showed.

They tried reaching out, texting and calling multiple times, but nothing came of it. Dream seemed to ignore the attempts. Which was frustrating. Concerned, they weighed the decision of continuing on with the night with just the two of them. If Dream knew they gave up a night of fun just because of him, he'd be immensely guilty. He'd try making it up to them by buying them expensive gifts, which they would accept, though the gesture indirectly made them guilty as well. They didn't want Dream to get upset, but it seemed like, no matter what decision they made, it would end in that.

What other reason would Dream have for ghosting them if he wasn't upset in the first place? And if he was upset, then he needed his friends more than ever. That took priority over any kind of fun they had planned.

With a shared nod, Ink and Blue hopped in the car and drove to their friend's house. It was their first guess as to where he might be; Dream loved to isolate himself inside when he was sad. And sure enough, the lights were on, though Dream's car wasn't in the driveway. Nor was Nightmare's.

They didn't bother knocking. Blue already had a spare key, entrusted to him for emergencies. And he considered this an emergency.

As soon as the door was open, Ink strode in and followed the sound of the television, stopping briefly in the doorway before disappearing. "Scooch over," Blue heard Ink say, and the sound of someone sniffing and shuffling over.

Shutting the door behind him, setting down his things, and taking off his shoes, he entered the living room as well, being faced with a sorry sight he hadn't seen since high school.

Small ice cream bins littered the coffee table, along with tissues and a cracked phone. The source of the mess lay on the couch, cocooned in the quilt from his bed, now having moved over to make room for Ink, who leaned against Dream, focus already on the TV. Smiling, Blue locked eyes with Dream, who sniffed again. His friend handed Ink the halfway-eaten ice cream and held up his hands, silently asking for a hug.

Which Blue was happy to give. Squeezing himself into the corner on Dream's other side, he wrapped his arms around his friend and he started crying all over again. "Hey, it's okay," he said, rubbing his back. "What's wrong?"

Dream sniffed. "Nothing." His voice was muffled by Blue's shirt.

Ink snorted, eating a spoonful of the ice cream. "Bullshit. Someone who’s eaten that much ice cream is clearly not okay."

Shaking his head, Blue nudged Dream, asking him to look at him. "Come on, talk to me." Giving him a smile, he tried to do the puppy dog eyes his friends always did. He couldn't tell if they worked, but Dream did sigh, sitting up to rest his head on Blue's shoulder.

"It's nothing, really," Dream said, "Just a whole bunch of bad days. Which made this a shitty week." Pausing, he sighed again, more heavily this time. "Which sorta made me forget about our plans. I'm sorry."

"Not important right now." Ink said. "Plans can always be remade."

"Ink's right. Please, continue. Tell us about this shitty week."

Chuckling, Dream stifled a cough with his hand. "Okay. So, you know my boyfriend, right? Well, my ex-boyfriend now, I guess. Broke up with me. Through text, of course. This was back at the start of the week, which pretty much makes it the start of it all.

"Because that day, I got stuck in the middle of the rain without an umbrella. And this was after being trapped in traffic, which made me late for work. And speaking of work, all week long it seems like it's just been putting pets down or animals brought in from the road that we can't save. All week! And then, just a couple of days ago, my car wouldn't start, which meant Nightmare had to come and pick me up from work. My car's in the shop now, but it won't be fixed until Monday."

Taking a breath, he rubbed his face, continuing. "And then yesterday, my phone fell and broke. So, if you called me or texted me, I never got them. Sorry. Nightmare left this morning for a small work trip. He wanted to hold off on it, but I convinced him to go. He'll be back on Monday anyway. So, I've been stuck here in the house, which was fine at the start. I thought it could work as a reset, make next week better. But things have just been breaking, all over the place! First the sink, then the freezer, then a couple of plates and glasses."

Dream sniffed. Again. "And I decided to just take a break, lay down and watch a movie, eat some ice cream. Turned the TV on, and what seemed like a normal rom-com was playing. So I watched that. But then it turned sad, and no matter what I went to, all of it was sad movies! So, then I just started crying, and just couldn't stop." Sighing, he leaned further into Blue. "And now I think I'm getting sick."

"Aw, you poor thing." Ink cooed, grinning. He pulled Dream over to him, wrapping him in a big hug. "I did think you were being dramatic at first, but no, that is a shitty week." Tightening his grip, Ink's grin widened. "This calls for an exorcism."

Dream struggled to free himself from the hug. "Ink, I can't breathe!"

Ink hugged him even tighter. "I won't let you go until all the shittyness is expelled from you."

"Ink!"

Blue laughed before finally taking pity. "Okay, okay. Ink, stop." Huffing, Dream sat up, glaring at Ink. Blue grabbed him by cupping his cheeks and turned his head side to side, looking him over closely. "Hm...have you eaten yet today?"

Dream blinked, thrown by the change in subject. "Nightmare made breakfast." Pausing, he closed his eyes with a sigh. "But I forgot to have any. I even put the leftovers in the fridge when he left."

"So, you've just had ice cream?"

"Yeah."

"I see." Blue gave him another inspection. "Just as I figured, then. You need a proper meal. Maybe some medicine, then, if you're getting sick. And then, a cheerful movie, which Ink will pick, along with some cuddles." Before Dream could think of protesting, Blue held up a finger. "And that's doctor's orders."

"You're only in med school." Dream rolled his eyes. But he was smiling. "Not a doctor yet."

"Still."

"But, yes, that does sound wonderful." Dream smiled up at him. "Thank you, Blue." He then turned to Ink. "And thank you, too, Ink, even if you tried to suffocate me."

Finishing off the ice cream, Ink wagged a finger. "I exorcised you."

"It felt like suffocation."

"Good! Then it was working. We should get back to it then..."

"Ink!"

Dream tried to get away, but Ink was faster. He knew all of Dream's ticklish spots, too, which was an advantage. Dream shrieked with laughter, making Ink laugh, and the sound of both their laughs made Blue laugh, a hint of a blush on his cheeks as he beamed.

Yes, he thought to himself. That's more like it. These two deserved to be laughing, not mopping around. They delivered to be happy and passionate, a bright future ahead of them. And Blue loved them so much, more than anyone else he was friends with, he would make sure they got what they deserved.

That's what friends were for, after all.

[taybatwo2]

I bought Magic Mixies Pixlings’ Unia the other day and wanted to do a mini review/compare her to some of my other dolls and her Moose Toys brethren.

First off, she’s adorable! A bit pricy because of the potion gimmick, but younger me would have loved that aspect. I love her very soft hair fiber (it feels very similar to the kiwi hair that Rainbow/Shadow high uses). I like that she has arm movement and an elbow joint (it is a bit limited and she can’t even bend her arms 90 degrees), I would have loved a knee joint but she sits well without one. She has pretty good neck range of motion and can look up and down really well. Her face sculpt and screening is kinda giving me Vanellope von Schweetz from Wreck it Ralph. She does have sculpted on clothes, but I don’t necessarily mind on her. Her skirt is kinda cute, but unhemmed and really wants to stay in place due to the tight elastic.

If she would have had a little horse tail she would have been perfect.

Other Moose Toys that I own (even some unicorn themed ones to compare her to). More under the cut.

Here is Unia and FailFix 2Dreami. Both ladies have a sky theme going on. Both girls look to have very similar printing methods. They’re both really shiny and lightly pixilated but way better than the pixilated mess Mattel has been using on its accessories and Barbies.

Unia has way better hair quality than 2Dreami (which has either Saran or nylon - it’s soft, but really rough on the bottom). But she has less articulation.

The torso looks pretty similar (ignoring all the other sculpted detail on Unia’s -which I was happily surprised continued under her skirt) to 2Dreami. And while I thought they’d have similar looking legs, they differ just enough (Unia’s look softer and rounded). My Capsule Chix has more articulation than both dolls, despite their minuscule size.

Unia found out just how articulated they were…. “Bzzzt…catch my legs before they wander behind the cupboards again…bzzzzt.”

Again, it looks like the same sort of screening method that 2Dreami also has. But what I was surprised to see, were how similar their feet were (despite Capsule Chix’s sculpted circuitry), they looked nearly identical. And while their hand shapes are similar, they are way different, with Unia having really deep fingernails imprinted on her hand and her palm being less round.

Now the smallest member of my Moose Toys, Rainbow Sparkle the Shopkins Wild Style Shoppet. She’s so short, Unia can’t even bend her head down low enough to see him.

There we go, that’s better. They’re pretty dissimilar from one another and are two fun takes on a winged unicorn…err…pegacorn…alicorn…pegacornaunisusicorniune. Rainbow Sparle is very limited on his movement, and can only move his arms up and down and swivel his head around. He’s also flocked and has really cheap poly-feeling hair. He still had those blushed cheeks that Unia and 2Dreami have.

Their wings are completely different too. …sigh…I’m going to have to give Unia a tail…she really needs a little yarn weff tail.

Now, what I was most excited to compare her to. Some of my Zelfs!! They were a bit shy at first, but warmed up pretty quickly.

We have Moonicorn, Hightail, and Lullaby as my unicorn (and winged unicorn for Hightail, he also has way different wings) inspired Zelfs (they all have tails too).

Moonicorn and Lullaby (Hightail had to be somewhere, and is absent from the other pictures because of that reason and not the fact I forgot I owned him 90 percent through the review) introduce her to Teeny Genie. He’s not a unicorn, but his body color scheme and pointed ears had to be compared to Unia.

Maybe they had shared a cousin in the evolutionary tree?

Honestly, the Pixlings and Zelfs work very well size wise for each other and I could imagine younger me thinking they were two kinds of fae living in the same world.

Oh, I also wanted to show the horns on Moonicorn, Unia, and Lullaby (Hightail basically has the same horn as Lullaby). Moonicorn is the most similar to Unia’s and even has glitter embedded inside. The horn shapes are also very similar and might be the same basic sculpt (just longer on Moonicorn to fit his face better). Moonicorn in general has a lot of similar swirly cloud motifs, glittery horn, and gemstones that Unia has.

Okay, how about outside of Moose Toys?

Unia is smaller than Aubrey from MGA’s NaNaNa (I don’t own the unicorn one to compare her to). They have a similar hair fiber.

When the designs first leaked, I thought she was going to be the size of a Cave Club doll, but it turns out she is even smaller, but she has large flat feet like Tella here. Tella has more articulation, but cannot bend her head up or down and has poly hair.

I would have liked to compare Unia with my one Enchantimal: Lorna Lamb (or if I had ever managed to my hands on her, Queen Unity on the right). I assume the regular Enchantimals like their unicorn Ambrose (on the left) are about the same height as Unia, but I know they have smaller feet and heads than Unia. They also have less articulation and have the creepy character design of having TWO SETS OF EARS (my pet peeve when it comes to designing animal/humans). Unia also has better hair fiber and her skirt/molded top is also better done than any of the Enchantimals that I have seen.

She is the same height as MH G2’s surprise siblings: Pharrah (she could have been a little cousin and it would have been so much better).She can even share shoes. Pharrah would show more emotion here, but she has such bad articulation, she basically has NO ARTICULATION. Sigh, anyways….

Two big eared pink ladies Unia and Kjersti. I was actually surprised at how similar their profiles were. Again, Unia has better hair quality (especially over glue seepage Saran…I promise I’ll get to cleaning you Kjersti).

Unia had to meet the most popular of pink Monster High dolls: Draculaura!! Draculaura thinks she is absolutely adorable, and kinda reminds her of someone…Fan-Fang-Fangelica…no, she’s just a dream (she actually would have been a much better comparison to Unia than Pharrah now that I’m looking back at these -whoops).

And a final shot of my unicorn dolls all together! Neighthan Rot even joined in the family photo (I love my little crayola zombie unicorn boy so much…he even got a tail too….yup that’s it, I’m picking up some yarn and going to make her a tail).

Anyways: Magic Mixies Pixling Unia. She’s really cute guys. I am really excited to pick up the rest of the line and am looking forward to where the line goes, even if it is another one of those doll lines that only stay for one wave. I know my Walmart is already having issues stocking them (they only had three of Unia and Merena when I first saw them, and were completely sold out the next day -besides this Unia that had been rat-holed in another aisle).

And she’s got a tail! Perfect! I also painted some details on her top in a silver and pearly color.

[chibisquirt]

Unfortunately, I appear to be getting into tufting.

I haven't gone off the deep end yet. I did buy a latchhook and some grid cloth so I can paddle my feet in the rug-like waters, but I haven't bought anything else, not even any yarn for it! (I'm so virtuous.) (I actually am so virtuous; I'm severely weak to yarn.)

But I have been watching rug tufting videos... and looking up tufting guns online... and plotting how I'm going to go about this...

It's a problem.

The fact that, if I get good at it, this could become a viable side-hustle... is not, actually, any less of a problem.

Anyway here's all the shit I'd need to buy to actually get started with it, along with long-range plans for equivalent pieces. Under a cut for the sake of all y'all's humanity:

Tufting gun

This is the big one, and I find myself in a bit of a dilemma on it: you can get them for cheap of aliexpress, but like... do I really wanna trust something that came off aliexpress? I have not gotten anything off there, and while I have no evidence it's any worse than amazon, I have no reason to think it's any better, either. (Actually, I'm pretty sure some of the amazon listings at least *are* the aliexpress listings, being re-sold. So, avoid that one, at least.)

So anyway the tufting gun everyone says is the best runs about $250.

2. Frame

You tuft by shooting fibers into a grid made of fabric; in order to do that, you have to have the grid solidly suspended in the air. This requires a frame.

Price varies by size.

3. Tufting fabric (or equivalent)

This is the fabric that you shoot the fibers into. You can also use monks cloth or burlap, apparently. (Not to be confused with the other fabric, backing fabric, which goes on after everything else, and is what the rug actually sits on.) Not too bad, not too bad, monks cloth is about $15/yard.

4. Yarn

Not my *immediate* starting cost, just because oh god oh god I will be swimming in vanna's choice until I die, but yarn is also not the cheapest thing in the world. You can get two skeins of red heart super savor for about $15-$20, and it goes up from there.

5. Glue

Once the fibers are in the monks cloth, there's nothing really holding them there. That's why you have to glue the shit out of them! Recommended glue is carpet glue, Roberts 3000 or 3085 or something. A gallon of that is $25, or 4 for $50 at Home Depot.

6. More glue!

Yeah, you didn't think we were done, did you? Once you've glued all your fibers in place, you cut out the rug from the grid fabric and glue the edges down, this time with a different type of adhesive. Tutorial I saw recommended hot glue and spray adhesive, which, since I don't have a glue gun, means I'd be looking about $25 all together for them.

Once you've got that done, you can add your...

7. Backing fabric!

Non-slip is good if it's going on the floor... you can do a 6' by 6' square of this for $35.

8. Trimmers

Teeeechnically, I already have some trimmers, but if I'm gonna do this with any seriousness, I don't want to use those for it, because they're designed for human hair and rugs are made with sheep hair (or hair from the noble acryligoat). You can get trimmers that come with a little guide, too, which is super handy if you don't want a giant gouge down the middle of your rug. Call these $40-50.

9. Scissors

Once you've gotten your rug shaved--not a euphemism--you want to go in and outline each color with scissors to give it definition.

So all of that comes to about $500 if you're thrifty. 😬 And then you consider the costs that repeat, like the next batch of tufting fabric and yarn, and the costs that add on as not-essential-but-nice-to-have, like yarn cones, extra frames, labels... It is Yikes.

Buuuuuut... If I were to start selling them... I mean, you can get hundreds of dollars per rug. Per small rug. A thousand plus for a big one! So I do kind of think it might be financially viable.

Better to start it as a hobby first, though. And maybe be prepared to have a pretty big initial layout. :(

[simplefelicity]

What I bought in 2023

this is the first in a series of posts in which i reflect on my 2023 from a financial perspective, using data from my financial journal.

initially i wanted to just list everything i paid for chronologically, but then i realized that data without analysis is not going to be much useful. so here is all i bought in 2024, divided in categories!

these are all unnecessary purchases (so no groceries, rent, etc).

material stuff

a kpop photocard. i’ve already talked about this, i think. there were a couple of months at the beginning of the year in which i desperately wanted to collect photocards of this particular kpop artist. i already had 2 but when i finally decided to buy this third one, i realized that i was quite underwhelmed. i do appreciate them and look at them from time to time but the itch to spend even more money on them disappeared. i’m glad i did buy it, though, because otherwise i would have spent months obsessively thinking about wanting to buy one. giving in once meant peace of mind afterward.

plastic reusable water bottle. kind of a fail. i would love to use it more, but i’d need to hand wash it (if i don’t want the water to taste like soap) and i just can’t be bothered. i’m sure i’ll use it while traveling. also, it was super cheap for a reason! the nozzle is too big and uncomfortable. oh well, you live and learn.

new passport photos. that was unfortunately necessary & they are horrible photos too. frustrating.

socks. i was on a trip and forgot to bring socks, so i had to buy some there.  

jewelry box. got it secondhand on Vinted after much thought. i don’t have much of a jewelry collection (if any) but i’d like to. i also wanted to get rid of all the small boxes and condense everything in 1 place. which worked for a while, but then someone gifted me more boxes and i can’t get rid of those ones, so that was kind of a fail.

2 secondhand books. i seriously do not need more books (i own like 20 that i haven’t read yet) but i have already read & resold one book so i’m not bothered about it. my rules with book buying are: 1) only if it’s secondhand, 2) only one for every secondhand bookshop i visit, 3) only stuff from my TBR list (that’s a more flexible rule, though). i’d say that it pretty much worked.

1 manga volume. I've been collecting this series for years because i love the art but, i've come to realize, not so much the story. i've decided to not purchase the next volume and am debating whether to sell the whole series as well.

yarn. i bought yarn for a sweater, for socks (three times), and for a cardigan (and its pattern). all in all, i’m satisfied with this amount. knitting can get expensive but i only bought yarn for planned projects, used my stash for at least another small 5 projects and i don’t think i’ll have to buy sock yarn for a while! money wise, i only had one doubt. a friend who also crochets told me that the website i buy my garment yarn at is too expensive compared to others. i thought long and hard about it & finally remembered that my friend’s cheaper yarn is super itchy. which is fine for her, as she mostly crochets bags, but i don’t knit bags! i knit sweaters! i’m fine with my yarn being a bit pricier if it makes for a comfier sweater.

25 padded envelopes. i used them when i sell my stuff online. i bought them new but secondhand on Vinted for a good price.

gifts. i bought 1 gift for a birthday and 2 for graduations. at the end of the year i tried to be smart and knit 2 gifts, but then i had to pay for shipping anyway so it didn’t save me any money. still, you know. it’s gifts and it’s my friends and i won’t be cheap with them.

immaterial stuff & experiences

i ate out with friends 3 times this year. the other times we just met and sat on a bench and talked.

movie ticket for Barbie. my only cinema going experience this year. that’s depressing. i’d love to go more in 2024.

underground ticket. that one time i forgot my underground card. ugh.

subscription to one of the secondhand book-selling websites i use. it’s the only one i pay for and it’s only 2€ a year. basically, it allows you to list more than 50 books at a time. i have 63 right now, so i’ll have to pay again this year, but hopefully in 2024 i will sell enough books to get under 50 & not have to pay again in 2025 :D

a very small charity donation. i sold more books than usual that month and decided to contribute a little to (hopefully) make the world a better place. it felt really good and i would like to do it again in 2024. but i need to set some rules or i might end up donating all of my savings.

trips

i went on 3 trips this year.

i bought train tickets and meals while there. i didn’t have to pay  for accommodation as thankfully i went to visit friends and stayed at their houses. i also bought some souvenirs (in moderation!), like a fridge magnet and a christmas tree ornament.

in conclusion & plans for next year

well, damn. i spent way less than i thought or expected! there were even 2 months in which i actually spent 0€. which i’m sure felt great at the time, but i quickly forgot about it & thought i'd never accomplish something like that, ever. queue to feeling guilty over spending money.

my only true indulgencies were while i was on a trip. and i remember feeling quite guilty about spending money while there, as well.

but that’s why i save money: to buy expensive yarn and enjoy myself while traveling. so why should i feel guilty about doing exactly that?

basically, i want to spend a bit more money next year if it will make my life easier or happier, without feeling guilty. I've tried to do that during december already but finding the balance between overspending and being a Scrooge is going to be tough.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty awesome day. Honestly I don't have too many complaints except I was tired and it was hot. A lot of today was great.

I fell asleep really fast last night which was really nice. And I wish I got to sleep longer but I was pretty well rested. But I was very tired when I got up. I woke up at 7:15 and I did not want to get out of bed at all but I knew I had to. Last week Ann had said I didn't have to come this week if it was too hot if I didn't want to but then she texted me yesterday that she wasn't feeling well and that she was wondering if I would take over today and of course I said yes because I care about her and I want to make sure that the market is going well. And so I got up and I got dressed and I wore this jumpsuit which is great except for some reason even though usually women's clothings have fake buttons this one all the buttons down the front are real and it gaps like crazy so 5 seconds before we needed to leave I took the whole thing off and I ran it through the sewing machine. I did not change the thread on the sewing machine so there's just black stitching going down the front now. I'm going to rip it out at some point and put something that matches a little bit better but it has to be sewn down or it would drive me insane. And I really like this jumpsuit so I want to make it work.

I was not in the best place emotionally because I was so tired. But James got us out the door only a few minutes late and we didn't forget anything which was nice. We stopped for breakfast and everyone who was working in the McDonald's was literally a teenager and was so confused at every question and it was a little funny. But we got our food and it was fine even though the hash brown was a weird shape. And then we were at the market.

James helped me set up. It was already very hot and Anne was not feeling great and was going to be leaving by 9:00. But she stayed for setup and everything was going okay. No big disasters. No one being terribly annoying with their vehicles. I got all set up and then I just started knitting.

And I would finish my ball of yarn. I still need six more squares to finish the whole thing. So hopefully I'll have that done tomorrow and then I can start sewing the rows together. And I'm really excited. Just think the gradient looks very cool and I'm excited for this project to be done and to start working on my next one. I have no idea what that next one will be but I'm excited.

And I'm surprised at how good I did today at the market. Because I was not feeling it. I tried my best to stand because I always do better when I stand. I don't know why that is but standing up makes me sell more things. And people were really nice and I had some really nice interactions. A child from last year and the year before, Rosie, who had bought a bear and named it Farmer Bear, came back for the first time this season and I was so excited to see her because she's going to be turning four next month and her mom and her dad and her little brother and it was just so nice to see them. And while she wanted to buy the other bear that matches her farmer bear, except farmer beer has a pink nose and this one has a black nose, mom said no bears this time. Which is understandable. Instead they bought a sticker and she's going to put on her water bottle for her first day of school and I could cry that's so cute.

And I also had that nice family that always comes and buys things from me bring two of my frogs back that needed slight repairs. They tried to pay me for it but it took me literally 2 minutes to resew the legs So I said it's fine and then they bought four stickers anyway. I really appreciate how much they support me and they made my day very bright by telling me how much they love the things I make.

It was very hot though and all of us were suffering. And we decided that we would close the market early at noon. Bob came out and we had a really nice long chat about metal casting and getting sunburns from welding and just he's such a nice guy. I used to be so intimidated by him but I think he's great. Though he did get upset with me later in the day when he found out we were closing early and I didn't tell him. But I thought he was standing right there when we had the conversation so I feel bad. But it's not my fault!

I'm just glad he still was able to come out and get his lunch before everyone closed up.

James did come out to get baked goods with me. I got my peanut butter pie and a caramel brownie which is excellent. And James got a couple donuts and a cheesecake bar and a key lime pie for liter this week. And eventually they would go and buy a burger from the food truck because apparently they promised on Thursday that they would buy lunch there with them today.

And James said it was really good.

One of the other really nice interactions I had was towards the end when a family came by, a white woman and an Indian man, and then all of their parents. And the white woman picked up one of my bears and was gushing about how it reminded her of her and her brother's childhood toy and she loved it so much but she couldn't decide which one was the closest. So I told her go for a walk do the loop come back. And she did and when she came back her mom was with her and she showed her at her mom was like oh my god it does look like your guys's toy, who was named lammy and Barry. And then the husband was like I'll buy it for you and so I was like okay but then all of a sudden his mom throws her credit card at me and she's like I'm going to buy it for my daughter, her daughter-in-law which was so cute. And then the Indian guys dad who had an amazing turban on goes hey you're only supposed to swipe your credit card 30 times a month! And she said more like 30 times a minute lol! And it was so silly. And it was just such a sweet interaction and I just really loved it.

And then I had someone buy three bears from me for their nieces and nephews and that was great. And I was just having such a nice day and people were great and I was very happy even though it was incredibly hot.

The other real problem was that it wasn't super hot in the pavilion. We were getting a really good breeze. It was warm but it wasn't unbearable but as soon as you left the pavilion It was like so hot that I was worried for everyone in the parking lot even though they were under tents. Like it was painful. The wind though was keeping us cool in the pavilion but was also knocking everything over. I kept having to chase papers and then my stuff was going everywhere and I had to put some stuff away because they just would not stay still. And honestly it made me so tired. I was pretty okay until I had to start running around.

So I was really really happy when noon came around. I took my time putting things away. Jose came over and told me I could take peaches because he had a bunch of leftover. And then Helen gave me a bouquet of flowers to say thank you for introducing her to CJ. And it was just so beautiful and everyone was so kind today. Just a lovely group of people.

After I packed up I went inside to sit with James and give them a break so they could run to the bathroom. And I talked to Deborah who I haven't seen in a while and it was nice to see her. And then I decided that everyone was packed up enough outside by 12:30 that I could leave.

I went outside to tell Stanley that I was heading out and told him not to tattle on me that I was leaving a half an hour early and he said he didn't see anything. And then I left. And I was so happy to go home.

On my way home there was so much traffic in the opposite direction on MLK because of the baseball game tonight so I made sure to note that so when I came back for James at 4:00 I would go a different way. And then I saw a guy asking for change and I gave him one of the peaches after asking if he would like one. And he got the biggest smile on his face and he was like Yes I absolutely would love a peach. And it was just very nice and he had such a nice smile. I hope he's doing okay.

I got home and I brought everything inside and I put things in the fridge. I had bought guacamole again and was very excited to eat that later. I cut the bottoms of the flowers and I broke the bouquet in half because we were going to go to Jessie's graduation party tonight and I would give her half the flowers. And then I took a quick shower and changed and got in bed and slept for almost 2 hours.

When I woke up I was so delirious and so sad that I had to get up. I did not want to go to this graduation party I did not want to drive I was so upset but I made promises and so I had to make it happen. And so I went and had some of that guacamole and a little bit of my brownie and then drank a whole lot of water and headed out.

I had to drive through the city and while there was no traffic people were driving so stupid and I had to be so aggressive to deal with them. And I hate being an aggressive driver but I am also very good at it. And so I was trying not to scream at people and swerve my car around other cars but I safely and in one piece made it to the museum before 4:00.

I got James and switch seats so that they could drive and then we went to Jessie's gathering.

The sky looked very dark for having a 0% chance of rain. And almost immediately after we parked the sky opened up and it stormed for about a half an hour very hard. But we were safely inside and honestly it was a really nice little time. We were only there for about an hour But it was really good. When we got there they were just about to do toasts and little speeches for Jessie and the other graduate, Edgar, and it was really nice and everyone was really sweet and just clearly cared about them both so much. And when they asked if anybody else had anything to say if something was on their heart I was like hey I know I don't know any of you and none of you know me but walking in the space just feels like it's filled with so much love and that's just very lovely and I'm glad that all of you are friends and we were all joking for the next hour about how I just wandered and off the street because I didn't know anybody. But it was really cute and I just loved listening to it and honestly because I'm so emotional right now I could have cried a few times because they were being so sweet to each other but it was really nice.

And then somebody brought ice cream so I got to have an ice cream cone and there was watermelon. There was also a feta orzo salad that I was coveting but I did not have any of because I didn't really want to eat any more salty food but I love federal orso salad so I told James that and they said they will make something for me.

And I did get to talk to a couple people and make a couple little friends. And I'm at another non-binary James and had a lovely conversation with them and I got to talk about camp and a couple other like goofy things about kids being super out and LGBTQ friendly and how it's just beautiful to see but also how goofy they are about it and how I had that weird conversation last year where a child told me that a football player at their school was queerbating because they weren't actively out of the closet. And I'm like it was just you can't queer bait in person that's something that media does. So it was just really nice to be in such a queer space with so many beautiful people that were all clearly just so smart and kind. Plus there was watermelon and that was great.

We left right after the rain stopped. And I was in a much better mood and a much better place emotionally. Tony let us know that he was on his way with Leon and Billy to bring them to our house and we had one more stop so we headed out after saying goodbye. And went over to Jessie's house because she had a new bike for me.

When I say new I mean she found this bike in a free pile on the side of the road and it's small so she thought that it would work for me. And it's about the same size as the bike I have already And it's very cute and it's a Schwinn. It's caliente Schwinn. I'm not sure what I'm going to name it I'm leaning to hot tamale or cherry bomb. But it's very cute and I'm excited to see if it works for me. So James took that off of her back porch and took the wheel off because it's got a quick release and we got it in the car and went home.

We beat the boys there by less than 10 minutes. And I was happy to see them. I got to show off my apartment just a little bit. I knew that they were going to be leaving very soon but it was cool to get to show them some stuff and then they talk sports with James and James gave them jerseys and hats to wear to the game if they would like to and then they were off to the light rail.

As soon as they left I got right into cleaning. I vacuumed I cleaned the kitty litter I cleaned the fish tanks I sprayed down the bathroom I wiped all the surfaces and I was having a great time even though it is entirely too warm in here. I had both air conditioners going but I take forever to really cool down the space. It seems to finally be working though. And I just spent like an hour and a half cleaning and making it nice in here and then I got to work laying out all of my squares.

I decided to do this kind of gradient of the three colors with the black. So it's like a checkerboard gradient and I really like it. I made one too many red squares and I still need six black squares. I'm frogging and old panel that I made with the black yarn that I never used for anything. I have a whole box of stuff that could be frogged honestly but I just grabbed that one and started doing that but then I got distracted and I didn't want to work on it anymore so I pinned all of the rows so that I can just grab them and start sewing them together and hopefully I will have all of that done by the end of camp. Honestly I don't think it's going to take me that long but it is time consuming. So we'll see what happens.

After I did that I chilled for a while and then I decided I needed to set up the beds for the boys cuz I didn't know what time everyone was coming back from the game And I was surprised to find that we don't have very many sheets. I don't know where they all are. I know I got rid of a couple but I didn't think I went crazy. So that's annoying. But I set the beds up best I could. And also we don't have a lot of like cooler weather blankets so I put the ones out that I could find but most of our blankets are made of fake fur so they're very great for the winter but not great for right now.

Hopefully the boys think it's fine. I also put teddy bears on both of the beds so I hope that makes them feel cozy.

Once I finish that I got into a project in the studio fixing my rainbow sandals. I thought maybe since they're basically ready for the trash I could try patching them. Which is something I've never tried before. I have some leather scraps so I cut squares to put around the ball of the foot area because it's cracked on both sides and then I glued and clamped the backs. I don't know if these will be usable at all but I love having just a pair of flip-flops I can throw on when I need to walk down to the car. Which is something I had to do to get the air pump for the air mattress. And that's when I was like I'm going to do this next project. And it was fun even though I got glue literally everywhere including on my stomach somehow.

So then I knew it was time to take a shower. And I took a very excellent shower and it made me feel a lot better. And I put on nice vanilla lotion. And then I did my eyebrows and now I am laying in bed with sweetp.

James just texted me about how bad the Orioles are. I don't know why they're shocked the Orioles have always been bad. But I hope they're having fun. And now I'm going to go back to watching my video and maybe working on my knit squares for a little bit longer.

I hope that you guys had a good day and that you are not somewhere where it is incredibly hot. I hope that you are being grateful and kind. I love you all. Be safe and tell your mom you love her.

[awrldalone]

9th January 2022, 4.17pm

The year starts today for me. I said so before it begun for everybody else, it was not a last minute decision to extend the old year. If anything, I decided to skip a few songs, press forward for a few days. I did some things, which I will eventually talk about, one of these days, but I have to admit that unraveling this ball of yarn all at once and knitting it into a piece of writing is hard. There are too many knots and I am not an expert knitter. I barely own a metal hook, and even then, I left it at my place in Maastricht, and I am not there yet.

And so 2023 starts today. I have some goals, like usual, and from here I can only go up. A few days ago I was telling M. that mentally I am in a similar position to early and mid 2021, when I was at my worst. Except this time I hold the torch of memory and I am trying to do better, even though I feel just as lost in this darkness. Light is of little use in pitch black nothingness. Yesterday night I cut for the first time in four months. I did not bleed as much as I expected, or would have liked, I think my legs were not fully healed yet, and today I felt them weak while waiting in line to board the plane. I will not do it again. If not for myself, for the fact that cuts are not nice to see, no one likes a wounded dog, and even when hunting one always tries to hit the rabbit in the eye to kill it, not in the tender meat.

And so 2023 starts today, at the bottom of everything but so high up in the air.

I realized I need to be busier, more mechanical, with less time, because forcing myself to have a routine will perhaps make existing easier.

Tomorrow I will wake up at six, and my morning will look like this:

6AM — The alarm on my phone will ring. I will leave my phone to charge not next to my bed, but underneath it, because I find that the hardest part about waking up is not opening the eyes but getting out of bed, and given that my bed is situated on top of my desk, like a bunk bed for one, I need to force myself to climb down the stairs.

until 7AM — I will jump the rope a thousand times. I bought a new one with my sister. It’s light and thin, when it hits your leg it hurts like a bitch. I like that I can swing it very fast and make it go around my body two or three times in a single jump. I will also do one hundred push ups. I can do twenty five in a row, for four times. I can also do fifty, twice, but I tend to move sloppily down the end, so I would rather stop earlier and push my body up properly. All of this will not take me an hour, but half an hour at most. For the remaining time, I will wash myself up, dry my hair, put on clothes.

8AM — This year, like every year, I want to read one hundred books. In 2022 I read ninety-something, but this time I will reach my goal, mostly because reading is one of the reason I have not fully given up on life yet. I tend not to escape in books, but I do like learning. Ever since high-school ended, I do not study fifteen things at once, and I miss the variety. Obviously, I still love fiction, up until a few moments ago I was reading Life For Sale by Yukio Mishima. The point of all of this is I want to read for an hour. It’s something I like, something that makes me somewhat happy, and something that will make me feel richer. One of the goals of this year is to become rich with knowledge and experience.

Then the day can start at nine. If needed, I will have to sacrifice the reading, or delay it until the night time, but for this month it should not be a problem, as all my classes start late, between eleven and one p.m.

At night, I also want to reserve some time to specific activities.

8PM — A whole hour to cook and eat. I like spending time with V., and usually when we dine together we end up talking until late, so I will be more lenient with what I do at night than what I do in the morning.

9PM — Poetry. Stories. Essays. Maybe even a book. A whole hour to force myself to produce even the ugliest of verses. I have a few poems I am working in, so I will be busy for a few days. When uninspired: painting. I want to learn how to go beyond the basic techniques I know.

11PM — Bedtime. Seven hours is plenty of sleep for me.

Obviously, these strict schedules are nothing but an outline. I need to study, prepare for class, I want to go to the gym three to four times a week, and I want to hang out with my friends. I feel better when I leave the house, or when people come at my place. Therefore, all these rigid rules will be flexible.

My father called me the most strict and obsessive person he knows the other day. He also calls me hysterical sometimes. I wonder how the two can co-exist. I wonder how I can be hysterical when I do not even have an uterus. Whatever. Such a rough words for a disease that doesn’t exist. Whatever. I wonder if he doesn’t know many people, or if he doesn’t know me. The point is - I will be flexible. I always have been. With myself less than with others, but I am still learning.

This year, in fact, I want to learn. Like every year, obviously. But this year I want to learn, or rather discover, what will be of me. I would be lying if I said I have not thought about the future a lot lately: where will I be in September? I was about to type “where will I find myself”, but I decided not to phrase it that way because I will not find myself anywhere, but rather I will go somewhere actively. I am a ship without a compass, but I will learn how to read the stars and find my way.

I want to learn how to cook good and healthy food, I want to learn pottery, I want to learn good French, I want to learn about art and fashion and philosophy. I want to learn how to sew and make clothes.

I also want to act with a sense of aim. As I have already said on my birthday, 19, and therefore 2023 as a whole, is the year of reaping the fruits, tasting the apples and low-hanging peaches: I have worked under the scorching sun and the freezing rain for a year, and I will continue to do so for my whole life, but from now on I want my fields to yield a good harvest.

This harvest can come in all forms. The one I wish for the most is publishing what I write. I did it once, I can do it again.

I want to feel fulfilled, full of life.

-c.

[writtenmemxries]

2024 is closer than ever (which is insane because the last few months felt like a fever dream to me) so it's time for some new year's resolutions, something I've never really done before but there's a first time for everything, I suppose. So. Here's to the things I want to do in 2024 (feel free to take inspiration):

Keep a journal in different languages. Not only is this an outlet for all the emotions I usually keep bottled up inside, but it's also a great exercise.

Learn how to draw. I have always liked drawing, like most kids, but I never got into it as much as I would have liked. I don't know anything about anatomy, proportions and stuff like that, but I would like to learn more, so. why not?

Crochet. I used to when I was a kid, then stopped for god knows what reason. I recently bought some yarn and a crochet hook, and I want to make something nice!!

Start exercising. I say this every year, but I always put too much pressure on myself. This time, let's start slow: no gym, no weird machines, just... skipping rope. It's fun, it's cheap, it does the job.

Explore the city. I live in a big, bustling city, but I've never really explored it much. I'm learning how to pay attention to and appreciate my surroundings more, and now I want to see all the touristy places and more, alone or with a friend.

Spend more time with my friends. I don't have many to begin with, to be honest, but even the few I have, I don't see them often, and that's sad. We're all very busy and can barely make time for one another; it's time to change that—or at least try to.

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One: Hadestown

Chapter 9: The Power of Knowledge

"So, what, exactly, is the point of finding my tombstone?"

"Well, I'm told they're useful, you know...magically. I just figured you being..."

"Magical," he filled in quickly.

"One word for it. I just figured that if there was anything you really needed to know, it should be the gravestones. But, in order to use the gravestones correctly, you obviously have to know where it is, so...we search."

"You'd think there'd be a map."

"Well, supposedly there is one, but it's only for the person in charge. You could go to town hall and request a time to look at it, but the line you'll stand in to get the forms will take far longer than it will to look. Besides, it's not like there's much else to do here besides walk the graveyard." She swept her arm out before her, and sure enough, for the first time, he realized they weren't alone. In the distance, he could see people, they were but specs from where he stood, but he could see them there, even through the fog, walking the graves, reading names, searching...

They were distant. Milah had mentioned that there was some reasoning for the groupings. She'd said something about them being based on geography and time. That was likely why Milah, her brothers, her father, and Margery were all within throwing distance from one another. That was why she'd suggested they look here for his. Logically it checked out, but given the secret that he was carrying, the suspicion that weighed him down, he didn't expect to find anything more than old names that he remembered from the village. The woman from down the street he'd sold yarn to, the boy who had died of pneumonia, soldier after soldier in his old regiment. Nearly all were toppled, cracked, or overgrown. It didn't escape his notice Milah's was one of the rare few in this area that was still in good shape. She'd been here a long time.

"You never did tell me what your unfinished business was."

"That's because it's mine to tell," she pointed out, rising from where she'd been examining a small grave. "I wasn't joking around. A person's unfinished business down here is their most precious possession. We're not exactly all given pieces of paper with them written down on, so the journey to figure it out and resolve it is sometimes a long one. It's deeply personal, and it's considered rude to ask someone about it outright. We're all just trying to make the best out of our situation as we work through our issues. If you want to share yours, then share it. If not, then keep it close. No one will ask you about it."

Don't ask and don't tell unfinished business…that rule felt right up his alley. But as to the rest…

"You said the maps were accessible by the person in charge. Who is that exactly?" he questioned.

"Officially?" Milah let out a sigh and pulled some gloves out of her pocket. "It's Hades."

Once again, he set his face to hide his shock and wonder. This was the second time he was hearing this name only, unlike the first time when his father had mentioned it, and he had hardly paid it any attention, now…he was listening.

"Hades…god of the underworld…" he clarified, making sure it wasn't some punk like his father that had just taken on an ironic nickname.

"One in the same," she said casually. "But don't worry about him. He has his favorites, which he keeps with him in his lair at all times. As for the man himself, we don't see him often. Unofficially, he's currently got someone new serving as town Mayor after the last one worked through their issues. Now some vile woman, I'm not sure of her name. I haven't really seen much of her, but what do you expect from an elected official that was never technically elected in the first place."

Her voice faded out as he focused on containing his shock. Hades was real. The gods were real. That reality left him stupefied and, frankly, maybe a little fearful. He'd never resisted religion, but he'd never really bought into it either. And now…well…now it was too late. He was what he was and who he was. Redemption for him wasn't an option unless he could rewrite his entire story, but that would take a kind of magic that was almost as legendary as the gods! And it would take time; time he reckoned his heart didn't have given his age and deeds, assuming, of course, that he was alive. But still…the gods were real!

"It's late. I have to leave to go to work."

Work. There was work in a place like this. He supposed that explained Pan in his shop, but what that meant for Milah…it didn't matter. The deal they'd made was binding. She'd shown him this place; now he had to leave her alone and solve the rest of it himself. As much as it pained him to admit it, she'd provided useful information. Information that he felt he could use as a jumping-off point. It might not get him home, but at least it would assist in his journey.

She left him there in the cemetery at his request, and he watched her drive away, hoping that this would, in fact, be the last time he ever saw her face. He continued to wander. And as he wandered, he pondered. Pondering and wandering turned into days spent in that cemetery, walking the lines, reading names, and mapping it out the best way he could. He found both his aunts on one particularly sad day, side by side, just the way he knew they would have wanted. He found Mr. Oak and even that Atlantean Healer, Fendrake. Fendrake's stone still stood, but his aunts and Mr. Oak, he was nearly moved to tears to see theirs toppled on the ground. Happy endings had found them. He found more from his past, more than he would have liked. Rolf was toppled over on his side. A witch he'd once known and despised had a great crack through the center, which brought him, perhaps, a little too much glee. Cora's stone, much to his displeasure, still stood new and proud, indicating that she was here somewhere. If it were up to him, he'd rather endure a reunion with Milah again than Cora. Belle's mother-toppled, Gaston-still standing, Tamara-cracked, Greg-still standing, Nimue-cracked, Gorgon-cracked, person after person he sought out and located. He found every stone he wanted to with only one exception…his own.

Of course, to check all the stones would likely be impossible given what he had to do, but if Milah was right and there was rhyme and reason to this cemetery, then he felt he'd checked all the most likely places and come up dry. He supposed that if he wanted to, he could go to the mayor as Milah had suggested. He was certain he could bypass whatever lines she had mentioned, but that would mean drawing attention to himself that he'd rather not have if he wasn't dead. Information was power. It had been a long time since he'd had to play that game, but he supposed that being in a different realm than his son and love had put him back into that mindset. If he wasn't dead, then he didn't want anyone else to know. It was all but confirmed that he wasn't dead. He'd play by that rule until he had reason to believe otherwise.

But if he wasn't dead, if he wasn't on some journey to right the unfinished business of his past, then how the hell was he supposed to get out of here?

That was the question he'd set himself to considering these last few days.

He'd started venturing into town more. He avoided the Pawn Shop despite the fact that he feared there might be things he needed there. If it turned out that there were, then he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. For now, he was content to ignore the Shop and his father unless interacting with him proved to be absolutely necessary.

The trouble with that was that it would only be necessary when he knew what he was looking for. And he could only know what he was looking for if he had the proper knowledge.

There was the rub. Knowledge of distant realms and magical spells, of psychology and manipulation, how to sell water to a fish and mount a legal defense, he had that and then some. But knowledge of the afterlife…that he had always actively avoided. What good was religion to him? He was the Dark One he was destined for…what had Milah called it? The Worse Place? Every single Dark One he'd seen in that cemetery had their stones cracked. They were confirmation that there was nothing he could do to save his soul, so why bother fighting what he couldn't? He'd lived to see his child again, never thinking a day would come that he'd need to have knowledge of gods and Hades and purgatory. He had no theology of his own, and that was killing him at the moment.

He'd tried the few books at his house, but they were no good. They were mostly about the Black Fairy, and that may have been his version of hell, but it certainly wasn't this version. He needed outside resources. Fortunately, because this place was, for whatever reason, trying to copy Storybrooke, and he happened to be in love with a librarian, he knew precisely where to look for them first.

Across the street from the Pawn Shop, the Storybrooke Library sat. It looked an awful lot like it had during the Curse; windows papered and boarded, broken glass, peeling paint, and a locked door that meant nothing to him.

He appeared inside what he could only assume was Belle's nightmare. The shelves were dusty to the point that they were downright grimy. It smelled not of old books but rather of too much water and fog mixed with that smell of sulfur. There was no order to it, at least none that he could see. The books were stacked and piled and filled with books of all types, some that looked relatively unharmed, but many that appeared burned, waterlogged, and in the case of one sitting on a ripped chair in a back corner, had a bite taken out of it by a rather large animal.

But that ominous sign wasn't what worried him most of all. It was the fact that this library also had an elevator. And the feeling of the magic coming off of it…he didn't like it. In Storybrooke, the elevator was a passage to nothing good. Going up, he'd used it as a hiding place for the dagger, and so had Greg and Tamara for Hook. The clock tower was practically a secret lair. And going down would have brought him face to face with Maleficent in whatever form she may have been in now. Nothing good came from that elevator. And in a place where it seemed like good was a hot commodity, he suspected the elevator here was to be avoided at all costs, at least until he had some kind of idea where it might lead to, or at least until he had some kind of idea what the hell kind of magic was coming off of it! It was magic, that much he knew. But it didn't feel like light or dark magic. He couldn't sense heart or head magic either. It was different than anything he'd ever felt before. Powerful, but natural in a way. Knowledge was power, but curiosity killed the cat. If he wasn't already dead, then he'd like to stay that way. He'd be avoiding that elevator until he could get some solid answers about it, or at least until he could begin to properly theorize what it might be and where it might go.

In light of that, he made his trip to the library a quick one. Or at least as quick as he could. He plowed through the shelves, taking what looked important. He found Bibles and Qurans, and a few Greek and Roman texts that he thought might be especially helpful. He found a book from their world that told stories of the ancient rivers of the dead and those who traversed them. A few spell books that were in relatively good shape topped the stack. He wanted to take more, but he reminded himself that the books weren't going anywhere, and no one in this neighborhood seemed to be dying to check books out of the library. He could always come back for more if he needed to.

Prizes in hand, he took himself back to his own lair, threw himself into a chair, and began to read.

[constantly-deactivated]

Nancy Pelosi Military Tribunal, the Conclusion

“What is this, a trick? We’re still married. He can’t be made to testify against me,” Nancy spat as Vice Admiral Crandall invited Paul Pelosi to the witness stand.

“No one’s forcing him to do anything,” Vice Adm. Crandall replied. “He’s speaking voluntarily, and his testimony will be heard.”

Paul Pelosi had a story to tell.

Although Nancy and he had married in 1963, they hadn’t been truly betrothed since 2007, when she for the first time ascended to Speaker of the House and developed an unquenchable thirst for undiluted power. Paul wove a tragic tale. As Nancy’s influence surged, her affection for him waned, as did his for her—years afterward. Paul defined their post-2007 marriage as pragmatic, to give the world the illusion that the couple, despite personal ambitions, had a stable, civil household. But that fantasy life, Paul said, was an elaborate misdirection.

It was clear that Vice Adm. Crandall was giving Paul Pelosi the necessary latitude to paint an unflattering portrait of Nancy.

The longer Nancy served, the nastier she got, Paul said, and she quickly and rightfully became known as a congressional bitch. Paul became her personal pinata. On bad days—when someone either challenged her authority or disagreed with a political viewpoint—she drank heavily and browbeat Paul until he embraced alcohol as a coping mechanism, to endure and survive her daily verbal onslaught. Nancy, a consummate alcoholic, disdained Paul’s drinking, and frequently accused him of being a drunk while she herself was intoxicated beyond all reasonable comprehension. Paul said he had on several occasions threatened to leave her.

“When I did, Admiral Crandall, she said she’d ruin me,” Paul Pelosi said. “I was a punching bag she could torment. She needed someone close to her to torment—it was her nature.”

He went on to say he felt momentarily relieved in 2010 when Republicans won the House and John Boehner supplanted her as Speaker.

“I made the mistake of thinking having fewer responsibilities might temper her attitude,” Paul Pelosi said. “That she’d have less stress. I was so wrong. She just got meaner, and I bore the brunt of her anger. You must understand that she thrives on conflict, and will create it when there is none around. She hates almost everyone—if she perceives you a threat or competition, she’ll devote her life to unravelling yours like a ball of yarn. And she’ll keep pulling those threads until a bigger threat comes along. You know what she hates most? That there are women younger and prettier than she is in Congress. I went through years of hell, forced to sleep on the couch, which really got to be a blessing, being told to eat frozen dinners while she feasted on the most expensive meals money can buy and bought lavish gifts for lovers—and there were quite a few. So, 2018 rolls around and once again she’s made Speaker.”

Paul Pelosi was silent a moment, and then his face went grave.

“After it became very clear Donald Trump would be the Republican nominee, she says to me very matter-of-factly, ‘If I can’t kill Trump, you’ll have to do.’”

Paul Pelosi described that as his “oh, shit!” moment, for he feared that his wife could and would make good on the threat. Nancy, he said, had an unhealthy obsession for Trump from the start. Her every spoken word invoked his name, and her every spoken sentence was laden with colorful adjectives describing how she felt about Trump, the Trump family, and the Trump empire. When Trump appeared on television, or at a rally, Nancy went berserk, retreating into the bottle and berating and threatening Paul until he, in a moment of clarity, realized he had to protect himself from Nancy’s unending wrath. He began to surreptitiously record phone conversations between his wife and parties unknown—discussing Trump’s demise. He copied incriminating data from Nancy’s computers to SD cards, which he then buried in places Nancy would never find them. He had hired a private investigator to shadow Nancy’s movements. The investigator had tailed her to countless meetings with her lovers and to shadowy spots in San Francisco and the Washington area where she handed off envelopes of cash to suspicious-looking persons, ostensibly hit men or their representatives.

Vice Admiral Crandall played audio of Nancy Pelosi screaming on the telephone: “I paid you in advance three million dollars to put a damn bomb on Trump’s plane. When are you going to do it?” Her speech was slurred, as if drunk. “Or give me my damn money back.”

According to Paul, the conversation took place on May 17, 2017, three days before President Trump travelled aboard Air Force One to the Middle East. When furious Nancy hung up the phone, she cucked Paul by divulging tales of her trysts with various lovers, who took care of her in ways Paul never could.

“It’s absurd to think even the most competent assassin could sabotage the president’s plane,” Vice Admiral Crandall said. “We could not identify whom she spoke to, but, thanks to Mr. Pelosi, we have proof in the form of financial transactions that she wired $3m to a bank account in the Cayman Islands five days before the call.”

He showed the panel Nancy’s bank statements.

“Mr. Pelosi, why didn’t you bring any of this to the Secret Service?” Vice Adm. Crandall asked.

“Because it’s rife with corruption, and it’s likely they would have disappeared me. The Secret Service is Deep State,” Paul Pelosi replied.

“Like your wife?”

“Yes, like Nancy,” Paul Pelosi said.

“Mr. Pelosi told us how to procure his evidence after his own trial,” Vice Adm. Crandall told the panel. “He could have shared it sooner, before his trial, and used it as a bargaining chip. But he didn’t. Mr. Pelosi, why didn’t you?”

“The truth of it is, I felt safer here than out there. Here I’m protected, while she was free parading around with actor Sam Waterston wearing makeup to look like me.”

“Thank you, Mr. Pelosi. Your cooperation in this matter will be taken into consideration. As for the defendant, It’s JAG’s opinion that we’ve proven beyond reasonable doubt that Nancy Pelosi committed treason and conspiracy to commit murder against President Donald J. Trump. It matters not if a bomb was ever planted. It is our recommendation that the defendant be hanged for her crimes,” Vice Adm. Crandall said.

The panel unanimously agreed, and Vice Adm. Crandall set an execution date for December 27.

*** This Book is Closed... If you see her in public view, you'll know it's CGI or an actor wearing a mask. ***

[zerolostwalks]

Nov & Dec ‘22 Prompts

AO3

Spinning a Yarn (G):  AO3 ; Tumblr

“I was wondering if you could go to the craft store with me.” He asked as he rocked where he sat. (Julie & Willie)

Getting Warm by the Fire?  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“Why doesn’t this place have central heating?” Reggie’s muffled voice came from somewhere within the blanket pile. (Reggie/Alex/Willie)

Cold Never Bothered Me  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Now, Alex knew stereotypically Los Angeles didn’t get that cold. However, the fact that he could clearly see his and Luke’s breath, he knows Luke should definitely be dressed warmer than he was. (Alex/Luke)

A Beautiful Melody  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Luke eyed the papers spread out before him, a colorful collage of inks taking shape into a beautiful melody. It wasn’t finished, not yet but he was close, he was so close he could taste it-or hear it rather. If only he could figure out what was missing. (Luke/Julie/Reggie)

On Your Side Forever More  (T) : AO3 ; Tumblr

The last time any of them had heard from Reggie was as school ended. When he’d insisted, via text, he had to go home really quickly before practice. He further insisted he would be fine and they should all get started without him. (Reggie/Everyone)

Happy at Home  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“Since when did we have mistletoe?” Luke muttered as he eyed the bunch hanging over the base of the stairs. (Reggie/Everyone)

We've Been Good (But We Can't Last)  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Julie probably could just try and peek in through the windows to see what her ghosts were up to. But that would just add extra time if she needed to get in to stop something stupid. Which from the sounds and bits of conversation she was catching was more than likely the case. (Julie & Alex & Reggie)

Ghosts of Holidays Past  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Reggie had few fond memories associated with holidays. (Reggie/Luke/Alex/Bobby)

Holiday Movie Night  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Movie nights at the Molina’s had gotten weird. Ray had insisted the group move movie night inside the main house. And for some reason it was like everyone forgot how to be comfortable with each other. (Gen Everyone)

Bushels of Fun  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr 

This was the first time in a long time they’d finally be able to break out all the boxes of decorations. It was also the first year they’d spend Christmas at the home they’d bought years ago. Julie couldn’t wait, and she hoped her guys were just as excited as she was.  (Julie/Reggie/Luke)

Reindeer Games (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

A box landing on the table with a dull thud pulled Flynn’s attention to a green eyed mischievous smirk. “I’ve got a new challenge for us.” Reggie chirped. (Flynn,Reggie)

I’m With You (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

They were coming back, Julie repeated it like a prayer. A mantra she quietly whispered under her breath as she walked.  (Julie,Reggie)

Let it Snow (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“Didn’t you hear?” Alex laughed as he ran his fingers through Willie’s silky hair. “It snowed last night.”  “Oh?” Willie’s eyes brightened (Alex/Willie)

Blanket Made of Stars (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Who thought a winter camping trip was a good idea anyway? (Julie/Reggie)

Stain on the Vision (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Bobby didn’t usually have this much difficulty breaking free from bed. However, something felt off about today (Bobby/Luke)

On My Team (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Carrie Wilson's first movie night at the Molina house in a while.(Carrie & Everyone)

Last Cookie  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Reggie slowly crept his way back to the kitchen, certain he wouldn’t be missed. None of the adults had really paid him any attention since he arrived. (Reggie/Julie)

Secret Santa (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

“I was thinking that it might be fun to do a secret Santa for gifts this year?” Reggie plastered a smile on his face as he brought the small bowl of names from behind his back with an enthusiastic shake. (Reggie/Everyone)

Silver Moon's Sparkling  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

He’d found a good spot leaning against the railing of the patio area, attempting to see any form of starlight in the sky above. His search was interrupted, “this spot taken?”

He turned to see a curly haired young woman about his age. Her dark eyes shined bright like the stars he couldn’t find. (Reggie/Julie)

Midnight Kisses  (G) : AO3 ; Tumblr

Luke’s scowl melted into a smirk as he elbowed Reggie’s ribs, “hoping to kiss someone special tonight?”

“No,” Reggie squeaked, with the lighting it was hard to tell for sure but Luke was willing to bet good money Reggie’s face was close to matching his flannel in color. His face scrunched up as he scratched the back of his head, “I don’t know, maybe.” (Luke/Julie/Reggie, Flynn/Julie/Reggie)

[monsoonblooms12]

Hope (Ethan x f!MC)

Summary: Ethan and Pooja's thoughts before and after the first time Pooja goes to his home (Set in Book 1, Chapter 8)

A/N: Never thought I would be able to complete this, but here we are! Honestly it is a mess, but I still hope it is an enjoyable mess😃

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Rating: General

Word Count: around 1.7K

Category: Kinda angsty (??)

Trope(s): And there’s some good ol’ Pining

Warnings: None that I noticed

Ethan:

There was a strange calm in the sky, the moon sparkling milky white. Seconds seemed to drift slowly with gentle ripples, like rose petals floating on a calm pond.

And amidst this ataraxy, was a restless, defeated heart. Every pass of a second seemed like a stab in his already wounded soul, breaking him, making him lose in the game which he thought he had mastered.

The red glare of the traffic light felt like a warning but he was too tired to notice.

He let his mind recall the moments the day brought, throat tightening at one and mind filling with surprise at the other.

How easy it was to tell her about Naveen.

As if it wasn't a conscious decision, just him uttering words prophecied. And how naturally she had offered to help him.

As if they were words practised. Repeated a hundred times in front of a mirror.

In a time when one hand was slowly leaving him, another one was gently lending hers.

Never in years had he thought he would be this enamoured by an intern.

Every word she uttered, every task she accomplished, every case she handled. It felt like she was climbing a staircase of differences, slowly cracking the image of doe-eyed amateurs idolizing him.

An image that had become a constant in front of him.

It was a ploy of the universe, surely, that had twisted the circumstances to be like they were now. Otherwise what would have had the power to unite three generations of mentors and mentees together like that in a single motion?

As the sand from the sand clock kept drifting away slowly, he started to arrange the strings of thoughts in his mind into a neat yarn, all ready to knit the cardigan of recounting the disaster that he had stored like a dried leaf from fall in between yellow pages of an old journal.

There was a chilling silence around him, even if the traffic shrieked chaos outside.

It made him second guess everything, making him think as if he was supposedly making the biggest mistake of his life.

The glare of red seemed to get stronger, almost blinding, painful. He tried to place convincing statements, that he was just letting a doctor know the nitty-gritty of a medical case seemingly impossible to solve. So that he can dream of that ray of sunshine filtering through large boulder-like grey clouds.

So that he can hope.

And every time it struck him that he had been choosing to look at that sparkle instead of the black gloom spread all around because she was in this with him, he felt a numb spread through his soul.

He knew he was letting her in, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Rather, there was nothing he wanted to do about it.

It frightened him, this closeness, this letting go of a cloak of seclusion that he had been wearing for years now.

Why did life have to make him stand at crossroads, make a choice he didn't want to?

It felt as if somebody had made a path of clouds for him to reach the sun, and every time he took a step, he fell. He had never complained about it, living silently in the piercing darkness that held him within its confines.

But this one while, he wanted to shriek. He wanted to complain. He wanted to go against every force of nature that stopped him. Because this time it wasn't just a wish.

It was a need for him.

Unbeknownst to him, the lights flickered and change positions. The red seized to exist and the green came into existence, and it was a glare from behind him that finally made him notice the change.

Barely stopping the overflowing dam of heartfelt emotions, that had finally managed to break the walls he had built piece by piece, with precision, over the years, he rushed past blurry sky-risers, taking a step towards whatever destiny had in store for him.

-----

Pooja:

When she opens her wardrobe, her first instinct is to go for that chic dress she bought some time ago. The thought is quickly followed by a mental forehead smack, and she goes for a casual, everyday outfit instead.

When she followed him into the area of repairs, she would have never guessed that a simple follow of curiosity would spiral into this. She, an intern, going to the home of Dr Ethan Ramsey.

She wondered if it has ever happened before & if it would ever happen again. The answer flashed before she even had the time to ponder. It was a No.

Tying her hair in a casual ponytail, she let out a yawn, a reminder of the long day at work, and of the secret that was trapped in the labyrinths of her mind, threatening to come out anytime.

Bits of the conversation that had got imprinted on the film rolls of her mind, played continuously in a loop, reminding her of the responsibility that rested on her shoulder. The trust that he had placed on her.

She couldn't let him down.

When in hushed, muted tones, he had asked her for the promise, she had given it to him without a thought. She couldn't let him break. She couldn't let him lose.

She couldn't let him down.

Like a mantra, she let the words repeat over and over and over again until they got etched in her heart. And then, with an attempt to centre herself, she walked on to the destination she was supposed to reach.

-----

Ethan:

The cool for the air-conditioning unit covered the entire area, as the clock pleasantly ticked in a monotonous harmony.

The blue ocean of his eyes was in turmoil, waves of reason and feelings crashing against each other, ravaging a storm. The ship of his stood through it all, but he was afraid that any moment now, it would reach its breaking point.

In the distance was a clearing in the sky. A stray ray of gold attracted him, and he went on, never stopping for once. It was her presence.

He couldn't tell if they were words knitted with excruciating perfection with yarns of her heart, or a piece of cloth she had bought and handed over to him, neatly so that he doesn't notice.

But for once, he wanted to believe in the words her mellifluous voice scribbled in the air. For once, he wanted to hold on to that ray, which the clouds of fate threatened to hide.

For once, he wanted to hope.

It felt as if his search was over. A wind had finally gained the power to carry away the blanket of misery and pain that had been surrounding him for years now.

Maybe the forces of nature had finally decided to grant him the wish he made to a shooting star when he was a kid and gifted him with the most precious treasure anyone could ever ask for.

All she did was place a hand on his thigh, but it felt as if she had dragged him from the darkness to the bright sunshine, holding his hand in hers, making him relish the soft touches of flowers petals and rustle of hair along with the gentle breeze.

Is this how it felt to slowly travel through the meadows of affection, gathering flowers of trust, hope and respect to make the bouquet of his heart? One that he had given to her without telling her anything, today?

Is this how it felt to fall in love?

He closed his eyes as if to stop the circle of thoughts that had taken a direction he had been avoiding for a long time without his permission. The gardens his soul was paying a visit to, was dangerous tranquillity, a threatening calm.

And he was afraid, that one wrong step could burn down the entire world of two lives that had got intertwined without each other's knowledge.

He was not ready to take the risk.

-----

Pooja:

The pages of her journal rustled in neglect as she continued twirling the pen in her hand.

She was supposed to be writing in the details of this day, but instead all she could do was recollect fragments of all the conversations she had had during the past hours. A few tendrils of her hair playfully danced in the wind, as she got up and went to stand on the balcony.

She let the milky white shimmer dress her, soothe her as the future stood in a tangled yarn of uncertainty, too difficult to reach.

There was a pain getting etched in her heart, as it sobbed silently for her mentor and grand mentor. Was there really no way out?

A quick whisper from the demon of self-doubt told her that if The Ethan Ramsey could not solve the mystery, how could she, a doe-eyed intern?

She shook her head as if to throw the thought away. This wasn't the time of comparing whose skill set was better than whose. If she had dared to awake a lamp of hope in Dr Ramsey's heart, how could she give up on attempts herself?

In tumultuous times, when there were more chances of defeat than success, she wanted to bear the flambeau of hope that can light even the darkest of nights. She wanted to be the force that would make him rethink his abilities and try again after every failure.

She wanted to be the picture that could fill his heart with hope.

And she knew that it would take every ounce of her strength. Keeping the situation a secret from friends who had always had her back. Always looking at the bright side. Always bearing optimism.

When she had uttered "Promise" to him in the hallway in the morning, she knew what she was signing up for. This time, she would have to be the strength of herself and him. She would have to be the ear he could always whisper to. The shoulder he could always lay his head on. The hand he could always hold when he felt like letting go and giving up.

But she was ready to give it all. No matter how threatening, no matter how dangerous.

She was ready to take the risk.

PS: If you are reading this, I am very grateful for you. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day🤎

Tags🤎 (Please let me know if you want to be added or removed or if I forgot you):

Perma: @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @udishaman @aestheticartsx @twinkleallnight @schnitzelbutterfingers @sophxwithers @sweatyrysconnoisseur @nikki-2406 @choicesfanaf @trrfanaddict @starrystarrytrouble @gardeningourmet @parkbarks @mvalentine @lovablegranny @mercury84choices @izzyourresidentlawyer @phoenixrising308 @adiehardfan @quixoticdreamer16 @a-crepusculo @cordonianruby @gryffindordaughterofathena

Ethan x Pooja: @aleynareads @choicesaddict5 @stygianflood @mysticaurathings @jamespotterthefirst @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @takemyopenheart @mm2305 @kit-rookie-princess

Open Heart (All fics and edits): @lucy-268 @maurine07 @bellcat2010 @headoverheelsforramsey @estellaelysian @shanzay44 @mysticalgalaxysstuff

@openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

[myfanfictiongarden]

Thick As Thiefs- Cruella fan fic

Jasper doesn’t especially like Cruella. Not really.

With Estella it’s a completely different story.

The moment they met he knew there was something special about her, and it wasn’t the hair- although he liked that instantly too. It was that glimmer in her eyes whenever some new idea was about to see the light of day. And she had plenty of those. Like a natural she fit right into the role of “distraction” while he and Horace pocketed what they could get, which didn’t mean she didn’t soon master the fine art of taking other peoples wallets as well, her nimble fingers just as elegantly pickpocketing as they were sewing. The little needle box she bought herself after her first catch a treasured possession for the longest while until they could get their hands on a real sewing machine. The machine and her talent eventually opened them a whole new world of possibilities, a bit of yarn and second-hand clothes the key to many successful scoops. It were fine times, but he always wished more for her then a lifelong game of hide-and-seek. But to achieve that Estella had to make place for another her. “Cruella gets things done.” Estella had said. 

And now they were here, in this lavish mansion and enough pocket money to stop pocketing all together. He sure didn’t mean to complain about that. 

The rain is falling and blowing against the windows, the sound of the sewing machine familiar yet distant echoing through the building, static on the television interrupting the rugby game every few minutes. Horace has long ago fallen asleep in the armchair on the other side, a half finished bottle of ale still in his hand. Footsteps approach and he realises the sewing machine must have stopped a while ago. At that moment there she is, plumping herself on the other end of the couch he sits. She takes off her high-heels with a wince and throws them away like she is expecting that one of the dogs will catch them, while only managing to hit the opposite wall with one and barely miss Horace head with the other. The game has finished and some American movie was plying now with a detective that is afraid of heights. 

Time passes with them just sitting in silence, her siping her whisky and him finishing his smoke, when out of the corner of his eye he can see her black clade shape moving closer until she’s leaning on his shoulder, her legs drawn close to her on the couch while one hand still holds the whiskey glass. There is this air of familiarity and for a moment one could fancy the three of them back in their hideout enjoying the evening in front of their shabby telly like so often instead of being in one of the many rooms of a small palace. She is snuggling even closer and by now he usually would have put his arm around her like so often, yet for some reason he doesn’t. 

The truth is, he doesn’t completely trust Cruella.

That Estella had a wild side he knew the moment they met, back when they were still kids, and it was a side to her he always liked. Yet, the number of times wild turned into unhinged recently, with Cruella´s growing obsession with fashion or the next big scoop was a different matter. He wasn’t sure if at times she scared him or if he was scared for her.

“What do you want?” he hears himself finally asking. The detective in the movie meanwhile is tasked to investigate a woman who seems to have developed a second personality.

“Why? Can’t a lady enjoy a simple evening?”

“Only if you count as evening short before midnight.” Taking the glass out of her hand he finishes the last sip before placing the now empty glass on the side table at his right.

“Have I said something wrong?” She moves her head a bit to face him, a slightly puzzled look on her face but he can’t make out if it's honest or from the alcohol.

“No, it's not that. But ain’t you overworking yourself a bit?”

“Oh, absolutely not, or… maybe. I just have so many ideas.” She lays her head back down and he takes a better look at her, face practically hidden by the white and black masses of hair. On the telly the detective saved the blond woman after she jumps into the water.

“Can’t we-, can we pretend like things are as before?” Her voice is quiet, barely audible as she says that, he had actually taken she had fallen asleep with the sunny images of California on screen. Her voice is little more than a whisper but it is the one he came to like the most.

“Can’t see why we can’t.” He answers while putting his arm around her like so many times in the past, drawing her closer to him. He is glad he can see a bit of that glimmer in her eyes as she looks at him, a smile tugging in the corner of her lips.

Jasper doesn’t especially like Cruella. Not really.

But for Estella’s sake he doesn’t mind trying.

[asstronauts]

Alphabet Soup

rating: t word count: 1.7k pairing: jemily summary: perhaps love is in the little moments more than the grand gestures. 26 times (among many) that JJ and Emily fall a little bit more in love with each other in the everyday, smaller moments.

read on ao3, if you’d prefer

---

A - alphabet soup

JJ bought cans of alphabet soup for the boys when Michael first began to read, but Emily quickly found it much more entertaining to spell out words like "boob" or "ass" or "sex?" punctuated with a poorly modified capital P in place of a question mark. JJ had to shut it down when Michael asked what a "tit" was, and Emily panicked and mumbled something about birds.

B - bedtime

They would often unwind by reading before bedtime, and JJ found that Emily read through many foreign literature books. The nights she would fall asleep to Emily stroking her hair and reading aloud in words she didn't understand were the nights she felt most rested.

C - constellations

It was clear that Emily didn't actually know any constellations besides the Big Dipper and Orion. But when she laid on the grass with Henry and Michael, she made up stories in the stars about great heroes and the adventures they went on, and the boys fell in love with the night sky.

D - driving

JJ insisted on driving everywhere without the help of smartphone maps, which had gotten them lost on several occasions. Somehow it felt alright, when she had one hand on the wheel and one hand on Emily's leg, the windows were down, and her hair was streaming in the wind and reflecting the setting sun. Somehow it felt alright to be lost with her.

E - errands

For whatever reason, JJ made running any errand seem like immense fun. Buying groceries, getting gas, even sending a letter felt like an adventure when she was there. They'd only gotten kicked out of one grocery store — when JJ had knocked over an entire display stand of candy bars after running and jumping onto a shopping cart. They didn't regret anything.

F - forehead kiss

JJ wasn't that much shorter than Emily, but when the brunette pressed her lips to her girlfriend's forehead, JJ would feel the need to bury her face in Emily's neck to hide her blushing cheeks.

G - graveyard

On that day, JJ just needed space. So Emily took her to the flower shop the day before and drove her to the cemetery that morning and left her alone until she was ready. In the evening, they didn't speak, just laid with one another on the couch until JJ fell asleep in her arms.

H - horror movie

It was a cheap jump scare, but it made JJ scream out and grab Emily's arm, prompting the older woman to laugh at her. JJ responded with a playful slap, and Emily had to kiss her to reaffirm her love. They didn't finish the movie.

I - ice cream

On a day off, Emily took the boys to get ice cream, and when they came home raving about how Emily had managed to stack five ice cream scoops on top of a single cone, JJ knew she was with the right woman.

J - jaw

Emily's knees grew weak whenever JJ kissed up her jaw and whispered in her ear. Her girlfriend caught on and loved messing with her, working her up into a complete frenzy, then saying the most unsexy thing she could think of. Emily hated it, but she also couldn’t help but to collapse into a fit of giggles when JJ planted kisses all up the side of her face and whispered something like "corned beef" in a seductive voice.

K - kitchen

JJ would use every kitchen utensil as a musical instrument during any spare moment in cooking — while the food was cooking, while the water boiled, while the oven was preheating. She would sing into a wooden spoon and shove it into Emily's face to finish the lyric, and the two would dance in each others' arms all throughout the kitchen.

L - letters

When Emily spent her time in Paris and London, she and JJ wrote each other scores of letters the times they weren't together. They'd both filled up an entire box of papers and knickknacks until they were reunited. Even after, JJ would sometimes write a letter addressed to Emily, drop it into the mailbox and tell Emily to check the mail, for no reason except to make her smile.

M - mugs

JJ had an entire cupboard dedicated to mugs for her tea, which Emily could never understand because she only seemed to ever use two of them: one being a lumpy mug Henry had made in a pottery store and the other being a Valentine’s Day gift from Emily with lovely ceramic boobs protruding from the mug’s body.

N - notes

Emily bought a massive pack of post-its and began leaving notes for JJ around work, bringing a smile to her face every time she found a little colorful message. Some were encouraging — you can do it, you light up my world, you're amazing. Some were cheesy — i love you, je t’aime, when you see this blow me a kiss. And some were...questionable — JJ had to hide the extremely accurate (and well-annotated!) drawing of her naked body before Hotch saw.

O - omelette

Most of the time, Emily couldn't cook without the risk of burning the house down, but for some reason, she made the most scrumptious omelette. Despite not knowing how to cook scrambled or fried or boiled eggs, Emily's omelettes were always perfectly cooked, with an impeccable ratio of egg to filling. JJ tried everything she could to make them the same way, but the boys always preferred Emily's omelettes on Sunday mornings. JJ wondered if it was something she learned during her time in Paris.

P - plants

Before JJ, Emily had never been very good at taking care of plants. They seemed to die with little to no warning. But JJ had taught her well, making little plant calendars and teaching her signs to watch out for, and one morning, JJ caught her talking to one of the plants. As she listened more carefully, she heard that Emily was talking to each plant in a different language — according to the plant’s country of origin.

Q - quiet

The moments after the boys were put to bed were some of the only moments of quiet JJ and Emily got alone during the day. No matter how busy or tired they were, they always intentionally took a few moments to just quietly be with one another, curled up in the other's arms, lying in the other's lap, or simply sitting side by side.

R - rain

They'd gotten caught in the storm on the way back to the office from lunch. Despite JJ’s coat held up above them, the pair was getting drenched anyway, and they gave up and decided to make out in the rain instead. They swung their hands back and forth as they splashed over to the BAU, arriving soaked to the bone but elated, as Hotch shook his head at their sodden clothing and dopey grins.

S - Sergio

Emily had arrived home early and found JJ dancing in the hallway with Sergio to "Can't Stop the Feeling" blasting on the bluetooth speaker. She lifted her ban on Justin Timberlake that day, which had previously been in place when in a moment of weakness, JJ had declared she would choose him over Emily if given the chance. (She’d taken it back for Emily's sake, but deep down she couldn't really decide.)

T - thermostat

JJ liked the thermostat to be set at no lower than 77 degrees, while Emily loved the room as cold as possible. The first few months that they lived together was a horrible battle of constantly changing from one drastic temperature to the next, before JJ finally agreed to keeping the temperature low as long as Emily agreed to cuddle with her any time she got cold. Emily did not, however, realize that this compromise extended to the workplace, where JJ would sporadically ask for cuddles throughout the day, and Emily would have to comply.

U - ugly pajamas

Emily loved her ugly pajama sets. One of her favorites was a bright green Grinch onesie in a ridiculous Christmas sweater. JJ hated it until Emily showed it to the boys, and Michael howled with laughter and asked for one for himself. From that day forward, Emily bought her ugly pajamas in full family sets, including accompanying costumes for Sergio.

V - vanilla

Emily didn’t quite mind JJ’s early morning jogs because her favorite moments were when JJ came home after, took a shower, and climbed back into bed to give Emily a warm embrace, flooding her senses with the smell of vanilla shampoo. Emily would roll over to nuzzle her head in the crook of JJ’s neck and plant soft kisses there, breathing in her favorite scent.

W - wine

Emily drank red, JJ drank white. And Henry and Michael loved to join in, pretending to be adults by sipping grape juice from their colorful cups. Perhaps their family had unconventional tea parties, but at least they always had massive amounts of fun doing family activities tipsy. These were the nights when it was almost difficult to tell the difference between Michael and Emily’s coloring pages.

X - X-Files

JJ didn’t fully understand Emily’s deep obsession with The X-Files, but after Emily convinced her that she wasn’t only watching for Gillian Anderson, the younger woman began finding the long rambles and discussions of extraterrestrial life more endearing and interesting.

Y - yarn

JJ really wanted to get the hang of knitting and give something special to the boys, but Emily kept distracting her. Any chance she got, Emily would hold the yarn balls to her chest as fake boobs, use threads of yarn as mustaches, and drum the knitting needles against any surface. It wasn’t that JJ couldn't finish her projects out of annoyance — it was that JJ couldn’t help but laugh and find her girlfriend irresistible, forcing her to set aside her work and wrap herself up instead in the brunette’s embrace.

Z - zoo

It was Emily's explosive childlike joy when she had seen the dolphins. She claimed it was for the boys’ sakes, but JJ had noticed the pure excitement in her eyes when they saw the sign and felt the way Emily had tugged on her wrist to rush to the stadium and grab seats right in the splash zone. And in the screams of laughter and the moment when both Henry and Michael clutched at Emily when the water washed over them, JJ knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this woman.