#which is something i expect with my 90 year old grandmother but not with them

[youllalwaysfindyourwaybackhome]

the hardest part about my parents getting older is lightning fast transition from being generally resilient to going into a blind panic at the slightest problem

[hughiecampbelle]

Hey! I loved writing your ship and wanted to request one from you with my very excessive self-insert if that’s OK :D her site is https://brynnwrites(.)my(.)canva(.)site/green-thumb. It’s not essential reading or anything, just if I don’t give enough details since I’m not good at sending requests! I overthink dumb stuf and either add way too much or redact way too much.

My self-insert is named Bernadine “Bernie” Feldt, and she’s a twenty-five-year-old D-level Supe with the power of florakinesis: controlling and manipulating plants. She graduated from Godolkin University with a double-major in Environmental Science and Public Relations, as well as a minor in Journalism, and began working as a Public Relations and Sensitivity Agent for the environmental agency Friends of the Earth after that. She loves to read, write, and garden — the traditional way, not the Supe way — as well as cuddle with her chihuahua-shih tzu mix, Olive. Loves ‘90s indie-rock and lo-fi a lá Silver Jews, Galaxie 500, Magnetic Fields, and Sebadoh. Typically wears geometric sweaters (no matter the weather), bermuda shorts (also no matter the weather), denim skirts, crimson tights, ribbed tank tops, vegan Dr. Marten’s boots, corduroy pants and skirts, “bohemian” jewelry, and minimalistic button-ups. She was injected with V when she was a baby, and due to her heavily Lutheran upbringing, was taught that it was a “sign from God” — something that she learned to be entirely false after Starlight’s speech. Because of this, she splintered off from her family and began re-evaluating her entire life. She caused a stir when she publicly denounced “Supedom”, publishing her thoughts on what she dubbed “Supe Theory” — concerning the ethics of not just making superpowered individuals, but them living onwards — yet continued onwards, publishing articles on open-source publishing platforms (such as Medium) and looking into grad school to begin deconstructing Supes — and, by extension, Vought — academically. Disgusted with the imbalance of power, she contacted Hughie Campbell of the Federal Bureau of Superhuman Affairs. 

As such, she is incredibly organized, passionate, and principled. Bernie is one of those people who say, “if you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all”. While one could attribute it to her strict upbringing, it is something she genuinely believes. However, these supposedly good attributes bring issues — Bernie’s pursuit of the ultimate “right decision” leads to overwhelmingly impractical decisions. She won’t even admit it, because she truly expects everyone and everything to be perfect, and that if the “perfect” answer doesn’t yield the best result, it’s the fault of the people who “don’t believe in goodness/rightness/etc.). And, of course, that backfires against her, because she does not fit into those standards. It’s rough. 

She has unmedicated OCD, which poses a plethora of challenges. When she was thirteen, she was given Seroquel, and did random things that most people would just tell as a funny story: sleep-walking, saying random but harmless things, eating food, etc. However, even as a pre-teen, Bernie experienced extreme anxiety over her powers, and feared her power could turn out disastrously. Because of that, she began meticulously documenting everything she did, whether it was eating, sneezing, or turning on the T.V. Additionally, she began fixated on things she made having a count of 25 or being divisible by 25, yet this isn’t linked to anything significant, in contrast to the former.

For canon-neutral (so excluding Starlight's speech and the FBSA), she's an incredibly low-tier Supe who is carrying a lot of guilt, as, while pursuing a robber, she accidentally killed an eighty-year-old grandmother by covering her in beautiful hydrangeas, leading to one of her beautiful brown eyes to pop out. The news covered it up, and despite that, she hasn't publicly addressed it, even though she's addressed all other cover-ups by the media and Vought. She lives in an apartment with her dog, works a 9-5, hypes herself up to play Environmentalist Pageant for people who are just trying to avoid taxes, and is 99.99% close to breaking and telling everyone to open their eyes, Fiona Apple '97 MTV style. With a lot less flair, though, because Bernie does not get to any mainstream news except when she's protesting Boar's Head in Virginia (which would age well in her favor, and poorly in Boar's Head's favor?).

My self-insert and I are bisexual, but lean a lot more towards women, since the romance/connection is a lot more natural and easy to recognize. However, I am fine with whoever you think is most compatible for me since I'm attracted to both genders, I just would take more time for a guy, but the feelings would still be as strong! Thank you for being so awesome and sending me an ask. 

— Brynnterpretations (felt weird sending it from my main LOL), love your writing SM ♡

Bernies sense of justice was what got Kimiko interested in her. Because she's with The Boys and morals are pretty loose, seeing how much she cares and how she thinks about everything, it was new and admirable

Truthfully, I see Kimiko liking big dogs since they offer more protection, but as soon as she sees Olive, she melts. She'd do anything for that dog (and has). Her little paws don't touch the ground with Kimiko because she carries her everywhere

Kimiko gives her a lot of comfort with the accident. It might take a long time to talk about it, but Kimiko 100% sees it as an accident and has a long talk with Bernie about mistakes and guilt and self-blame. She hates to see her hurting

Kimiko would try to get Bernie to talk to M.M. about her OCD, especially when it's getting too overwhelming. She doesn't want to force her, that's her decision, but she knows it would benefit her to have someone who understands

Kimiko works incredibly hard to have a green thumb and definitely almost scares Bernie with her excitement and insistence when really all she wants to show her is that the bud she planted and waters and keeps on her desk has bloomed just a little. It's endearing how much effort and thought Kimiko puts into keeping this one plant alive just for Bernie

- @brynnterpretations my love!!! Omg I love Bernie!!! I did go to the website to see what she looked like I hope you don't mind!!! This inspired me so much to revisit an old OC so thank you!!!! I hope you like it!!! Xoxoxo💜💜💜💜

[seraphim-soulmate]

for some reason anytime I tell someone here that I became a caregiver for my grandmother during the pandemic, and I still am today because her health declined, they say something along the lines of "oh that's such a special/beautiful experience, I'm so glad you both have each other I'm sure that means a lot"... like ... what? did you not hear the part where I'm a disabled 22 year old who finally received a life-long diagnosis of chronic pain and have been taking care of a 90 year old since I was like 20, at least ? idk the way they phrase it makes it sound like 1) a choice I voluntarily made and 2) that it's an easy or pleasant task. Maybe they don't understand what I mean by "caretaking" so I ALSO say that I accompanied her to the hospital when she fell and made the decision to move her to an assisted living facility and at no point do they say what I would expect, which is "that's such a difficult situation for you to have to handle, I'm so sorry that your grandmother is struggling and that you've become her caretaker at such a young age".

Is this polite american speak that people are doing to me? Am I not explaining the situation clearly enough? Are people really afraid of death? Do they not want to assume that it's a gruelling experience despite some of them having lived through it themselves so they say that it's "so beautiful" and "such a kind/caring thing to do". like no. it isn't. no one else stepped up to do it and I wasn't going to leave my grandmother to rot while she became less and less capable of caring for herself.

[richincolor]

Review: Throwback by Maurene Goo

Summary: Back to the Future meets The Joy Luck Club in this YA contemporary romance about a Korean American girl sent back to the ’90s to (reluctantly) help her teenage mom win Homecoming Queen.

Being a first-generation Asian American immigrant is hard. You know what’s harder? Being the daughter of one. Samantha Kang has never gotten along with her mother, Priscilla—and has never understood her bougie-nightmare, John Hughes high school expectations. After a huge fight between them, Sam is desperate to move forward—but instead, finds herself thrown back. Way back.

To her shock, Sam finds herself back in high school . . . in the ’90s . . . with a 17-year-old Priscilla. Now this Gen Z girl must try to fit into an analog world. She’s got the fashion down, but everything else is baffling. What is “microfiche”? What’s with the casual racism and misogyny? And why does it feel like Priscilla is someone she could actually be . . . friends with?

Sam's blast to the past has her finding the right romance in the wrong time while questioning everything she thought she knew about her mom . . . and herself. Will Sam figure out what she needs to do to fix things for her mom so that she can go back to a time she understands? Brimming with heart and humor, Maurene Goo’s time-travel romance asks big questions about what exactly one inherits and loses in the immigrant experience.

My Thoughts: Family relationships can be so incredibly complicated. In Throwback, Maurene Goo really digs into the mother-daughter dynamic. Samantha and Halmoni, her grandmother, get along very well, but her relationship with her own mother and her mom's relationship with Halmoni are both strained. A good portion of the novel revolves around this complexities of these three relationships and what Sam discovers about them during her time jump.

I'm generally not a fan of time travel because my brain wants everything to be logical and that isn't always possible in these scenarios. It was hilarious to watch a Gen Z person dealing with the 90s though and that more than made up for any of the squishy bits that may not actually seem possible. As with all of Maurene Goo's books, there were so many opportunities for laughter. I thoroughly enjoyed her previous novels, Since You Asked [RiC review], I Believe in a Thing Called Love [RiC review], The Way You Make Me Feel [RiC review], and Somewhere Only We Know [RiC review], so I was really looking forward to getting my hands on Throwback and it did not disappoint.

Sam has some strong opinions and she is not afraid to voice them. I love that about her. She also doesn't stand by and watch if someone is being unkind. She speaks up and does something about what she sees. She interrupts. She is not concerned about trying to blend in, at least most of the time. As she visits the past though and sees her mother's life, she also realizes that parts of her life that don't actually match up to what she truly believes and values. She learns about herself, her mother, and her grandmother which affects how she views much of her life.

Recommendation: Get it as soon as it hits the shelves in April especially if you enjoy laughing through a book. While you wait, you can grab one of Maurene Goo's other books if you haven't had a chance to read them yet.

Publisher: Zando Young Readers Categories: Contemporary, historical, humor, romance Pages: 386 Review copy: Digital ARC via publisher Availability: Releases on April 11, 2023

[mannatea]

His Choice, a Tales of Symphonia ‘fic

Words: 959 words Summary: He’d known all along he would outlive her. Pairing/Character: Zelos/Sheena, mention of others Extra Info: This was originally written and posted June 22, 2008 for my friend Nico. His prompt was “Finality.” The original title of this work was “Curse of a Man.” Rating: T Genre: Romance with some friendship vibes, also sort of a character study piece for a more mature Zelos.

The title is the link to Ao3! Please let me know what you think. :) This was a surprisingly big rewrite again.

Notes below the cut as usual:

When I re-read the original ‘fic last night I honestly felt I’d keep more of the original structure, but once I started rewriting I just...couldn’t.

So my usual rewriting habit is to open the original in one document, open a blank document and place them side by side. I retype everything and edit/leave things out/etc as I go. 

While the original had some good bits in it (the line about Regal’s death and Raine disappearing did hit pretty hard I think) the theme was based more around love being a curse, which...yuck, no thanks.

I think there’s room for “ageless” (or slow-aging) characters to feel bitterness and loneliness regarding love, but I ended up wanting to explore that relationship dynamic without the cynicism. After all, Zelos did, in the end, get to choose what he wanted for himself. He might be a bit of a dunderhead sometimes, but like Raine, Genis, Yuan, Kratos, and any other person in this game with a long life expectancy, he’d be well aware of what he was getting himself into.

I’m not 100% satisfied with the end result, mostly because it’s really hard to hit on the characterization of an older and wiser Zelos who isn’t chasing down voluptuous hunnies all the time, but I think it turned out all right. If he commits himself to something of his own free will he’s not the type to back down from that IMO. And there’s something intriguing about a character like Zelos taking love extremely serious when he does decide he wants it. I wanted to show that in the rewrite above all else—that he loves her and the journey they took to get to where they are, aging and all. (Even though it hurts to see the journey coming to an end, even though it makes him feel helpless.)

Anyway, the year I wrote this was the year my grandmother died. She spent the last months of her life in a nursing home and shared her room with a woman in her 90s named Naomi. Naomi was there for end of life care and was never awake or even fully aware, but every day her 101-year-old husband came to visit her and just sat there holding her hand for hours and hours.

I’m sure that inspired at least part of this story.

And while I didn’t have time to explore it fully in this story I did want to touch on how friend groups start to fall apart when no longer united by a commonality. Since the line about Regal dying and Raine disappearing was in the original, I expanded slightly on that relationship and connected it to Zelos’s current predicament. There’s a tiny implication in there that Regal’s funeral was the last time the group was together and he’s heard almost nothing from anyone since. 

I REALLY wanted to explore the funeral more (Raine losing her struggle with grief, Genis unable to comfort her, the group feeling disjointed, unbalanced, and unfamiliar now) but there wasn’t room for it. I guess you can imagine it for yourself. ;)

I almost titled this “Chosen’s Choice” for the sweet alliteration but worried it read too close to Ladies’ Choice and/or Sophie’s Choice and couldn’t do it. 

[hotpinkandchaos]

The happy Baker's house

There was this weird stillness in the baker household when George returned home that day, one never seen before. Grandmother baker was praying, and according to little William baker, has been for over an hour. daughter baker was as poised and  charming as ever, sitting at her desk in the corner, with a science book open in front of her, her clothes ironed to the utmost perfection and hair parted down the side, making her look like a perfect 90s housewife, exactly how George had wanted her to grow up, but she too seemed distracted looking out the window above her desc, looking at children playing and throwing rocks at each other rather than studying or even pretending too, like she most often did.

He moved on to the other room to look for his wife but mother baker was nowhere to be found in the whole house. Everything else appeared fine to the naked eye, the paint was as blue as ever, the crockery in the drawing room cupboards still old, yellowish, collecting dust over time, except he noticed some new cracks on them but I guess that was bound to happen, seeing as they were 30 years old, ever as unused but senile, the doors creaked the same as they did when they first bought the house some 10 years ago, off of a reverend who was later prosecuted for the murder of 4 women but alas, the house was in great condition.

He finally decided to shout out for mother baker but came to the conclusion that he shouldn’t given the calm and quiet of the house, except the accidental sighing of daughter baker, low prayer muttering of grandmother baker and a few whooshes and bams from William, who was playing with his toy cars, unaware of the chaos bestowed in the once very cheerful, happy place that was the baker house, louder than an Indian wedding and cheerier than a bat mitzvah, this rancid silence was a sight never to be seen before, and as you will find out, never again either. As great tragedies go, this one was as bad as it gets, Shakespeare himself would hang himself with a rope had he been there in the baker’s house that day, great ballads and sonnets, as he is so known for, would all cease to exist in front of what was to unfold in just about five minutes.

And just then, as if on cue, George heard a muffled cry, much like a child’s whimper, which reminded him much of how daughter baker used to cry when she was little and William would behead her dolls, color her very dear homework notebooks with his cheap crayons or when he would perform his art using his scissors on her favorite dresses. He went towards the storage room, very carefully, as if expecting someone to come out and strangle him, but much to his dramatic dismay no one did. Finally, the person he had been looking for all evening, mother baker was in there, crying her eyes out, like he hadn’t seen her do in any of the years they have been married, or maybe haven’t noticed since she had in fact cried multiple times.

“What is it that bothers you, my dear?”

“Oh George, your here! I must wipe my tears at once and prepare you a hefty supper, you must be starving. Yes?”

“Yes, dear, you deduce right. I am. But what is the matter with everyone this fine evening? Did someone pass on, dear?”

“Oh George, no its much much worse!”

And she starts crying into his shirt, fisting it as she does, he knew nothing about comforting someone, much less a woman, so it made him much uncomfortable. But he tried to cope, being a man of culture as he was.

“There, there, dear, hope you feel better. But what could have been worse? Oh no, did the basement flood again? After I spent the whole day last Sunday working on it, I must...”

“No George, the basement is quite upbeat, it’s something else.”

“Okay out with it now, I am quite famished.” He said, with a slight note of frustration, but just a slight, since he was a gentleman of the highest form.

He grew angrier and angrier as she went on about what tragedy had happened. Apparently, instead of grits, which was the usual daily supper, and had been since daughter baker was born since it became her favorite food at the juvenile age of 6 months, was not available due to a shortage of corn countrywide, instead baked beans were there.

Now all the bakers, were seated around the dining table, with their heads in their hands, looking at the table pointlessly, into space, thinking about the massive disaster that had struck their once very homey home.

[soren-bleu-kun]

Fic Wrap Up.

*feel free to ignore this if I tagged you 

This is going to be my own fic wrap up, my first one ever because this was the birth of my Ao3 account, so all of my fics are from this year. I’ll try to keep things concise, but it’ll still be pretty long. I will do this in the form of a Read More after the first few fics. There are over 90, I’ll try to go alphabetically. 

All of them are from the same fandom, BnHA, so that’s nice. More gen fics, less romance. Most of them are for series, events, other people’s aus - and I’ll make sure to share all of that when I share each fic, especially because some of the events are probably repeats and this is a little bit like free marketing [only tagging them once because that would get obnoxious, especially for the weekly event things I did]. Other than that, I hope you all enjoy and may 2021 suck slightly less. 

Heads up for angst, whump, some ships, and manga spoilers 

A Breathing Silence - Gen, 3K. Shirakumo survives his internship, but at the price of his hearing. His friends do their best to help him through it [for @badthingshappenbingo] 

A Common Room Conversation - Gen, 2K. Midoriya realizes that he has some questions for his mentor during winter break. [for @tunafishprincess’ Dads For Deku Week that I still need to finish, whoops] 

A Confession and A Dance - TodoDeku, 4K. Midoriya and Todoroki just going to the school dance as friends doesn’t last very long 

After Hours - ShinDeku, 1K. Model Shinsou goes on his first date with a photographer he works with sometimes, and worries that he’s going to be horrifically awkward about it [for OTPtober run by DigitalPopsicle, AU by. @amandasmurfee] 

Amend - EraserMight, 1.5K. Yagi and Aizawa have been arguing for the last few days. Aizawa finds himself forgiving his partner in order to help him. [for @erasermight-week] 

Bedside Manner - EraserMight, 2K. Yagi ends up in the hospital and hopes for better days [for @/erasermight-week] 

Bravery Test - DustBunny, 2K. Though the two aren’t together in this one, this fic features hero student Tenko Shimura having a crush on his much cooler classmate, Rumi Usagiyama. [for DustBunny Week on Twitter] 

Broken Glass - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 1K. A young Keigo Takami finds himself wandering the streets of Musutafu in this fic where he seems to have glitched through time [for @/hawksweek2020] 

Can’t Say No - CloudMic, 2K. Despite the fact that Yamada hates the beach, he can’t help but agree to go when his crush asks him [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Caramel Coffee & Phone Numbers - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1K. This fic features an AU where instead of going to UA at all, Shinsou ends up as a barista [for @shindekumonth] 

Codependence - EraserMic, 1K. Yamada realizes that he feels unfulfilled in his relationship but doesn’t know how to leave. [for @whumptober2020] 

Concerns and Collapse - Gen, 1K. Yagi is ignoring his health because of his hubris and it doesn’t end well [for @/badthingshappenbingo] 

Chronic - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1.5K. Midoriya is ignoring his pain because he has homework to do. Shinsou is having none of it [for @/whumptober2020] 

Date Night - ShinDeku, 1K. As pro heroes, they don’t get a lot of time to spend together. Might as well do what they can [for @/shindekumonth] 

Disguises - Gen, 1K. In an AU where Tokoyami does end up being taken alongside Bakugou, Todoroki feels responsible for getting him back 

Foggy Recollection - Gen, 2K. In a world where Shirakumo lives but Aizawa ends up dying at USJ, he and Yamada are just trying to pick up the pieces [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Forgotten Birthday - Gen, 1K. When Sero breaks his record of perfect attendance with no explanation, Aizawa goes to figure out if something is wrong [for @dadzawa-week-2020] 

For the Morning - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1K. Shinsou knows that he shouldn’t have snuck into his boyfriend’s dorm room for morning cuddles, but he couldn’t help himself [for OTPtober on Twitter] 

Good Morning, Koda - Gen, 1K. Aizawa recognizes the anxiety in one of his students, and goes about trying to help quietly [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

Go Fish - Gen, 1K. Aoyama doesn’t spend a lot of time with people, but for Midoriya he’ll make an exception [for @dekusquadweek] 

Gravel and Back Alleys - Gen, 2K. Shigaraki doesn’t understand why a hero keeps letting him go. Guess he’ll just have to find out for himself [personally not too proud of this one, heh] [for DustBunny Week on Twitter] 

Harmonizing Colors - [FAN FAVORITE] EraserMight, 1K. When Yagi finds his emotions not acting the way he wants them to, he knows that he has to find another outlet - and to keep it a secret [for @/erasermight-week] 

Indecision - TodoChako, 2K. Todoroki knows that he shouldn’t be fornicating with the enemy in this future au, but he can’t help himself. He misses her [for TodoChako Week on Twitter] 

In the Grey - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 1K. Midoriya finds himself going home to an empty house, feeling rather cold [for @/dekusquadweek] 

In the Rain - CloudMic, 2K. After the national hero rankings let out, Shirakumo and Yamada find their way home has been kind of ruined and have to walk together to the train station [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

In the Teacher’s Lounge - EraserMight, 1K. Aizawa and Yagi spend some time together after classes [for OTPtober and based off of this art by @theoutspokenrodent] 

Last Word - [FAN FAVORITE] ShinDeku, 1K. Midoriya has hanahaki and never had the chance to tell Shinsou [for @/shindekumonth] 

Late Night Chamomile - Gen, 1K. Yaoyorozu is having a hard night and her teacher doesn’t want to leave her alone with the nightmares [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

Lessons in English and Subtlety - CloudMic, 2K. Shirakumo is having a hard time focusing on his work with Yamada right there [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Light the Candles, Not the Cake - EraserCloud, 1K. Aizawa forgot that it was Shirakumo’s birthday in this AU where he lives, and he’s hurrying to make up for it [for OTPtober] 

Little Blue Teacups - Gen, 1K. Todoroki needs some help getting rid of something and he asks Uraraka for help [for @/dekusquadweek] 

Locked Up - Gen, 1K. Shinsou likes hiding himself away, which is great until he finds a place he can’t get out of [for @/shindekumonth] 

Looking Out - Gen, 6K. Aizawa starts looking out for Yagi when he finds out that the man is being stalked and it brings out some of his darker side [written because an event rejected me! Thanks guys, this has the most comments out of every fic I��ve ever written! Also for @/badthingshappenbingo] 

Lying Together - EraserMight, 1.5K. Yagi and Aizawa learning how to operate together in all things, but especially sleep [for @/erasermight-week] 

Middle of the Night - Gen, 1K. Just something about Iida checking in on Midoriya [for @/dekusquadweek] 

Missing Gears - EraserMight, 10K. In an AU where Yagi never gets OFA, he becomes a support course student, who later in life works with Aizawa - an old high school friend [for @erasermight-bigbang] 

Nana’s Cape - Gen, 2K. In a role swap au, Tenko Shimura is trying to find his grandmother’s cape, taken by villains just to mess with him [for DustBunny Week on Twitter] 

New Directions - Gen, 1K. Giran finds a young Touya Todoroki on the street and decides to help the kid out 

Not the First to Say - Gen, 1K. Todoroki finds Yaoyorozu the night before her birthday, feeling down. They have a talk. [for @todomomoweek2020] 

Ocean Air - Gen, 3K. Todoroki has never stepped foot into the ocean to and he’s got some thoughts abut it [for TodoChako Week on Twitter] 

Old Memories, New Rivals - Gen, 1.5K. In which Shinsou remembers a young Midoriya [for @/shindekumonth]

One Night Off - ShinDeku, 1K. For once these two pro heroes have time for each other without forcing it to happen [for OTPtober] 

On Repeat - Gen, 1K. Shirakumo has been reliving the same day over for forever, and is finally just waking up [for @/whumptober2020] 

On the Battlefield - Gen, 1K. Dabi stops someone from bleeding out, just in case he needs them later 

Over the Phone - EraserMight, 1.5K. Aizawa has a hard time falling asleep without Yagi there with him [for @/erasermight-week] 

Painful Decisions - TodoMomo, 1K. On their anniversary, Yaoyorozu realizes she doesn’t actually love him [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

Prom Night - CloudMic, 2K. Shirakumo and Yamada skip out on their special night at school to have a special night for the two of them [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Promise - EraserCloud, 1K. Aizawa gets hurt and doesn’t tell Shirakumo 

Proposal - EraserCloud, 1.5K. Wedding night for Aizawa and Shirakumo, just some softness 

Rough Patrol - EraserCloud, 1.5K. Aizawa gets hurt during patrol and doesn’t warn Shirakumo until later 

Rubble - Gen, 1K. Yagi watches his successor bury himself in rubble, and despite the fact that the boy is a pro hero now, he can’t help but go off and try to find him [for @/badthingshappenbingo] 

Ruining Movie Night - EraserMic, 1K. Sometimes Aizawa just needs to let his emotions out, and sometimes he doesn’t know when that’s going to happen [for @/whumptober2020] 

Running on Empty - Gen, 2K. Uraraka forgot to get food before Todoroki showed up for a study session and she’s hungry 

Sapporo Snow Festival - Gen, 1K. Todoroki runs into Yaoyorozu when he wasn’t expecting it but it ends surprisingly well [for @t/odomomoweek2020] 

Scientifically Proven to be Pointless - Gen, 1K. AFO as a young lad, trying to help his younger brother with his illness [for AFOtober, run by AFOzine on Twitter] 

Scrambled Eggs - CloudMic, 2K. When Aizawa dies, Shirakumo and Yamada go through with making an agency [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Sitting in the Rain - Gen, 1K. Sometimes Tsu likes to sit in the rain. Today she doesn’t have to sit alone [from @aconstantstateofbladerunner’s list of prompts found here] 

Small Grievances - Gen, 1K. When Aizawa dies, the rest of the rooftop gang mourns [for @/whumptober2020] 

Snow and the Kitchen Drawer - Gen, 1K. Sometimes Yamada hates himself for choices he didn’t make [for CloudMic Week on Twitter] 

Something Like Eisoptrophobia - Gen, 1K. There’s this little fear that the Voice Hero has never gotten over before [for @/whumptober2020] 

Studying Together - TodoMomo, 1K. In this College AU, Todoroki hates biology. At least right now he isn’t going through it alone [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

Stumbling - Gen, 1K. Midoriya runs into Shinsou at a hero con [for @shindekumonth] 

Sunday Morning - [FIST FIC] EraserMic, 1K. Just something soft for two pro heroes on a rainy day 

Surprise Call - A young Shigaraki is glad to hear from AFO, as rare as it might be [for AFOtober] 

Tensei’s Meal - Gen, 1K. In the aftermath of his older brother getting hospitalized by the hero killer, Iida has to be reminded to eat [for @dadzawa-week-2020] 

The Aftermath - EraserMight, 1K. After Nighteye dies, Yagi has some feelings he has to process [for @/erasermight-week] 

The Business Card - ShinMono, 1K. In this College AU, Shinsou is just trying to ignore the noises of other people in the dorms and runs into someone quite eccentric [for @shinmonoweek] 

The Car Ride - Gen, 1K. Shinsou getting out of therapy and being absolutely exhausted [for @/dekusquadweek] 

The Last Halloween - Gen, 3K. A surprisingly soft DFO story from when Midoriya was little [for @/tunafishprincess’ Dad For One Halloween event] 

The Little Matryoshka Doll - Gen, 1K. From a time when they were younger, a small Yaoyorozu looks for her little friend at an adult party, not knowing that something’s happened to him [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

The Nightly Watch - Gen, 1K. Eri has had some nightmares so Aizawa is staying with her for a bit [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

The Pause Button - EraserMic, 1K. Yamada gets injured while working and can’t talk for a few days 

The Waiting Room - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 2K. When Yagi ends up in the hospital and Midoriya goes to see him, he runs into Tsukauchi in the hospital [for @/tunafishprincess’ Dads for Deku event] 

They Were Roommates - ShinCahko, 9K, ongoing. Shinsou and Uraraka ended up becoming roommates because of the cheap rent and it has some unforeseen consequences [for @shinchakoweek] 

Things Will Get Better - ShinDeku, 1K. Midoriya loses something vital to him and Shinsou is there to help him [for @/shindekumonth] 

Three Little Rings - EraserCloudMic, 5.5K. Shirakumo wants to propose to his partners but he doesn’t know how it would work for them [for CloudEraserMic Week on Twitter] 

Through the Haze - EraserMight/EraserCloud, 1K. Aizawa starts seeing things when he gets too sick and Yagi doesn’t have the heart to correct him [for @/whumptober2020] 

Under the Maples - Gen, 1K. Shinsou was just planning on going for a bike ride, not running into weird hero course kids [for @/shinmonoweek] 

Under the Same Roof - Gen, 1K. Once upon a time, the original OFA user and his brother lived in the same house and things were very tense [for AFOtober on Twitter] 

Waiting to Say Hello - Gen, 1K. In an alternative universe where Hawks has anxiety, his meeting with the number one hero goes a little differently [for @/hawksweek2020] 

Winning the Bet - [FAN FAVORITE] Gen, 2K. When Yamada is forced to make a bet about who he thinks will break first during finals week, he doesn’t admit that he’s actually won [for @/tunafishprincess’ Dads for Deku Week event] 

Visiting Hours - Gen, 1K. Villain Todoroki finds himself going to see an old friend of his during a snowstorm [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

Walking Back - EraserMight, 1.5K. When Yagi thinks that Aizawa looks too tired to get back to the dorms on his own, he does his best to help him. It ends with a bit of a shock [for OTPtober] 

Warranted Interruptions - Gen, 1K. Monoma and Aizawa don’t interact often, which is fine with the both of them - but that doesn’t mean that Aizawa can ignore when someone is hurting [for @/dadzawa-week-2020] 

Winter Home - TodoMomo, 1K. Todoroki ends up going with Yaoyorozu on a family vacation and feels welcomed [for @/todomomoweek2020] 

I hope you guys like them, and thanks for taking the time to read all the way down here, if you did. This took most of the night, ha. If you read any of them, I’d love like... a kudos. Statistics bring me down, you, so keeping the 1 : 10 ratio for more of these fics would be awesome 

New Year’s Resolution  : Write more Quality, not Quantity. More DadMight, maybe post some of my other longer stories. Don’t make every request something to post. 

[causeiwanttoandican]

The Times

Prince William’s close friends on what makes him tick — and why he’s not trapped

March 20 2021, 6:00pm

As the world devours the Harry and Meghan interview, what’s going on with the brother who was left behind? He’s embracing his destiny, William’s close friends tell the Sunday Times royal correspondent, Roya Nikkhah

Next month Prince William will celebrate his tenth wedding anniversary — the day he became a duke and embarked on the most formative decade of his life. Back then, the tentative 28-year-old newlywed was not ready to devote himself entirely to royal duties. A decade on, he is in a very different position.

The job of being the heir to the heir to the throne, of finding a balance between life and duty, is difficult at the best of times. These are not the best of times. In their bombshell interview with Oprah Winfrey this month the Duke and Duchess of Sussex accused the royal family and the institution around it of racism and callous disregard for a suicidal newcomer, among many other damning charges. Harry the spare also declared that William was trapped within “the system … My brother can’t leave that system, but I have.”

In the immediate aftermath of the interview William was “reeling”, a source close to the duke says. “His head is all over the place on it.” Four days after the Sussexes had their say, he hit back during an engagement with the Duchess of Cambridge at a school in east London. Asked about accusations of racism, William retorted with restrained fury: “We’re very much not a racist family.” He also confirmed that he hadn’t spoken to Harry yet, “but will do”. By the weekend it emerged they had “been in contact”.

William is thought to have been less than thrilled a few days later when that conversation made global headlines after the American presenter Gayle King, a close friend of the Sussexes, revealed live on air that it had not been an easy chat: “I did actually call them to see how they were feeling,” she told viewers. “Harry has talked to his brother and he had talked to his father too. The word I was given was that those conversations were not productive.” The intervention prompted a senior royal source to say that “none of the households will be giving a running commentary on private conversations”.

A close friend of both brothers says Harry’s “trapped” comment was “way off the mark”, insisting that William does not see it that way. “He has a path set for him and he’s completely accepting of his role. He is very much his grandmother’s grandson in that respect of duty and service.”

When the Queen turned 90 nearly five years ago William admitted “the challenge” that “occupies a lot of thinking space” is how to “modernise and develop” the royal family, and make it “relevant in the next 20 years’ time”. Twenty years now seems like a very long time. In the hours and days after the Oprah broadcast, William was at the heart of all discussions with the Queen and the Prince of Wales about how to respond to the Sussexes. He was keen that the issue of race should be acknowledged in the Queen’s statement as an area of particular concern that “will be addressed”.

William has always railed against being a “ribbon-cutter royal” and the issues he champions — mental health, battling racism in football, homelessness and his ramped-up eco-warrior role — are a window into where the future King William V will take the House of Windsor. A friend says: “He’s a small-c conservative. He values tradition and the need to go around the country, but he realises he can make a difference beyond traditional royal duties.”

Today royal popularity is, to put it mildly, in a state of flux, but William’s strategy has been working. Post-Oprah, he ranks just below the Queen at the top of a YouGov poll of royals. Not so long ago such a position looked like a long shot, when the “workshy Wills” and “reluctant royal” tags plagued him and he was clocking up fewer days of royal work than his nonagenarian grandparents. Pictures of him hitting the ski slopes and clubs of Swiss resort Verbier in March 2017, missing a Commonwealth service that even the Duke of York flew back for, didn’t help.

After the lasting PR gold dust of the Cambridges’ 2011 wedding and the births of Prince George and Princess Charlotte, it was the first public nosedive for William, who was still working as an air ambulance pilot. “That pissed him off,” a friend says. “He was leaving home at 5.30am, getting home after dark and saving lives in between, but people were still being critical of his commitment to his [other] job.” William was based at Cambridge airport with East Anglian Air Ambulance for two years, where he was on call for “some very sad, dark moments”, often working “on very traumatic jobs involving children”. He later acknowledged that “after I had my own children … the relation between the job and the personal life was what really took me over the edge, and I started feeling things that I have never felt before”. But it was a job he loved, because of “working in a team … that’s something that my other job doesn’t necessarily do. You are more out there on your own.”

A former royal aide says: “Immediately after their wedding he had a very clear idea of the pace at which he wanted to take things.” William was adamant he wouldn’t curtail his day jobs, first as an RAF search and rescue helicopter pilot in Anglesey and then with the air ambulance. “If you’re not careful, duty can weigh you down an awful lot at an early age,” he said, insisting he didn’t “lie awake waiting or hoping” to be king. He delayed full-time royal duties until the autumn of 2017, when, acknowledging the Cambridges’ future required more time at “monarchy HQ”, they moved from Norfolk to London and George started school.

He’d had to fight his corner for the air ambulance role. A source close to William reveals “there were lots of raised eyebrows in the Palace when he wanted to do that. While the Queen and his father backed him, some senior courtiers questioned whether it was becoming of a future king to be doing a middle-class role, hanging out with ordinary people. They thought he wouldn’t stick it out, he’d find it boring, or was doing it out of stubbornness to put off royal duties. He was pretty bloody-minded about it, and determined that other people’s expectations in the media or the system shouldn’t get in the way of his own values.” In the wake of Harry and Meghan’s interview much has been speculated about the extent to which royal life is dictated by Palace officials, but it is clear that William has managed to forge his own path. Who knows how high those senior courtiers’ eyebrows rose in 2019, when William spent three weeks shadowing the spooks of MI5, MI6 and GCHQ to learn how they combat terrorism. He insisted on being called “Will” and lunching in the canteen every day.

Those closest to the duke say his resistance to the idea of full-time royal duties stemmed not only from a desire to achieve something for himself but also from a fear of the impact on his family life. Miguel Head worked alongside the prince for ten years until 2018, as William, Kate and Harry’s communications secretary and later as William’s private secretary. “In his role everyone’s going to tell you you’re marvellous,” Head says. “The RAF and air ambulance jobs were about knowing what his abilities were, what he was good at in his own right. Without that he’d still be hankering for something that was his own.” After children came along he says William developed a “visceral determination to give them a life of consistency and privacy that were missing for large parts of his own childhood”.

Another close aide says the plan enabling the Cambridges to have a few years of “normal” married life, away from the full-time glare of the royal spotlight, paid dividends: “For years, the battles around privacy and paparazzi intrusion were all-consuming. He wanted to know, could we build them a credible plan allowing them a family life while slowly increasing the profile of official life? It took years to get there, but the success of that plan allowed him to be confident and content in his role. He’s not worried about his kids’ privacy any more and he has been able to be the kind of dad he wants to be.”

“Marriage maketh the man,” a friend says. “Catherine’s groundedness has been the critical anchor. And where his relationship with the media was once all fury and frustration, he now understands using the power of modern media, so the public feel they’re getting enough access.”

The children’s birthdays are marked with photographs — often taken by the Duchess of Cambridge — and there has been a noticeable increase in their public appearances of late. While not “officially” staged, William was happy to let George and Charlotte be photographed at their first Aston Villa match with Mum and Dad in 2019. Pandemic set pieces have shown the family clapping for the NHS on the steps of Anmer Hall, their Norfolk home, and, before Christmas, their first red-carpet appearance together for an evening at the panto with key workers and their children.

As they celebrate their anniversary on April 29, friends who joined the Cambridges on their wedding day tell me the partnership’s equal footing is key to its success. “They’ve got a solid relationship and she gives him confidence,” one says. “There is no jealousy, no friction, they are happy for each other’s successes.” In private William talks as passionately about Kate’s work as his own campaigns, and takes pride in her growing confidence on the public stage.

William has said his grandmother’s approach to being head of state is to take “more of a passive role. She’s above politics and is very much away from it.” He doesn’t plan to meddle in party politics, but he was not happy about the unenviable position the government put the Queen in with the 2019 proroguing of parliament, which was later ruled to be unlawful and forced an apology from Boris Johnson to the monarch. Constitutionally the Queen had no alternative other than to act on the advice of her government, but in William’s reign there will be “more private, robust challenging of advice”. His last three private secretaries — Christian Jones, Simon Case, now the cabinet secretary, and Head — had all worked in government departments, helping William to keep his finger on the political pulse. The new incumbent, the Whitehall heavyweight Jean-Christophe Gray, who served as David Cameron’s spokesman, continues in that vein.

The former Conservative leader Lord Hague of Richmond was last year appointed as chairman of the Royal Foundation to develop William’s work on mental health, the environment and a raft of new support programmes for key workers. “People internationally and nationally respect his credibility and knowledge on these issues,” Hague says. “He’s very persuasive. You only see that behind the scenes. He knows what he wants and he goes out to get it.”

Charlie Mayhew, chief executive of the conservation charity Tusk, has known William since he was 20. In 2005 Tusk and Centrepoint, the homelessness charity championed by Princess Diana, were the first patronages William took on. “In those early years I kept having to pinch myself to remember how young he was,” Mayhew says. “He was much more mature than his age and very aware of his destiny coming down the track. He had a sincerity, but never without wicked humour. His teasing is merciless.”

William knows some people see his passion for conservation as a posh man’s part-time hobby, but Mayhew says the duke’s “genuine and huge knowledge” undermines that view. “He’ll call and WhatsApp to flag up something that I haven’t even seen in the conservation space. He can be impatient to get things done.” Last year William launched the Earthshot prize, a £50 million Nobel-style environmental award to galvanise solutions to global problems over the next decade. He believes “conservation and the environment … shouldn’t be a luxury, it’s a necessity”, Mayhew says. “That’s the drum he wants to beat. He’s got a megaphone and wants to use it in the most constructive way. He speaks for that next generation and I think they can relate to it.”

A turning point for William was his 2015 official visit to China, one of the world’s largest consumers of ivory, where he met President Xi and condemned the illegal wildlife trade as a “vicious form of criminality”. Unlike his father, who has refused to visit the People’s Republic over its human rights record and treatment of Tibet, William’s view was that despite the UK’s fractious relationship with China, “we’ve got to engage”.

“It was very political, raising the illegal wildlife trade in China. I’m sure the diplomats were having all sort of nightmares in advance,” says Mayhew, who joined the duke in China. “But he was gathering greater confidence that he had the ability to be a mouthpiece for the issue.” Mayhew reveals that while William was visiting Japan before China, he still hadn’t secured a meeting with Xi. “But when the Chinese saw all the high-level meetings he was having in Japan, they changed their minds and Xi made time for him.” Later that year, as Xi began a UK state visit, William appeared on Chinese television condemning the ivory trade. Two years later China banned the trade.

In 2018 he spent months prepping for his most high-stakes overseas visit yet, to Israel and the occupied Palestinian territories that summer. Navigating the diplomatic tightrope walk between Jerusalem and the West Bank, he visited a Palestinian refugee camp in Ramallah. As he travelled back to Jerusalem, he changed his speech for a reception with young Israelis and Palestinians to strengthen his solidarity with the latter: “My message tonight is that you have not been forgotten … The United Kingdom stands with you.” It was a bold move, but both sides hailed his visit a success and the officials breathed a sigh of relief. To the delight of the travelling press pack, William’s engagements on the final day were brought forward, allowing the diplomat duke and president of the Football Association to land back in the UK in time to watch England’s World Cup tie.

Ask him if he’s a peacemaker and William will laugh, saying Kate is the mediator. But according to a source close to William and Harry, his bridge-building skills were deployed in the lead-up to Harry and Meghan’s wedding in 2018, when tensions in the Kensington Palace household, then still shared by the brothers, were running high: “Every time there was a drama, or a member of staff on the verge of quitting, William would personally try and sort it out.”

As the brothers clashed more over the substance and style of their work, and the family hierarchy that William is a stickler for but Harry is less keen on, a split was inevitable. When they finally divided their households in March 2019, it had been a long time coming. But he never thought that a year later his brother would up sticks for America.

The pair went for a long walk to clear the air after the “Sandringham summit” when the Megxit deal was hammered out, but did not part shores as friends. What upset William the most was Harry and Meghan’s surprise launch of their “Sussex Royal” website before the summit, which featured their blueprint wish list of a part-time, commercial royal future. Later, when the Queen decreed they could no longer use “royal” in their future ventures, their website hit back with this bold statement: “While there is not any jurisdiction by The Monarchy … over the use of the word ‘Royal’ overseas, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex do not intend to use ‘Sussex Royal’ … or … ‘Royal’ …” Both “the content and that it’s still online is staggering”, a senior royal source says. “That was it for William, he felt they’d blindsided the Queen in such an insulting and disrespectful way,” says a source close to him, who reveals it was still at the forefront of William’s mind at the Commonwealth Day service one year ago. It was the Sussexes’ final engagement as working royals, and the froideur between them and the rest of the family was unmistakable.

It is a year since the Sussexes left for California and William misses Harry. “Once he got over the anger of how things happened, he was left with the absence of his brother,” an aide says. “They shared everything about their lives, an office, a foundation, meetings together most days and there was a lot of fun along the way. He’ll miss it for ever.” A close friend says William “definitely feels the pressure now it’s all on him — his future looks different because of his brother’s choices, it’s not easy.” Another friend says: “It’s still raw. He’s very upset by what’s happened, though absolutely intent that he and Harry’s relationship will heal in time.”

After lobbing bombs in his Oprah interview, Harry said: “I love William to bits … We’ve been through hell together … we have a shared experience … The relationship is space at the moment, and time heals all things, hopefully.” Harry would be wise not to set his stopwatch.

The first test will come this summer, when the brothers could be reunited for a series of family engagements including the Duke of Edinburgh’s 100th birthday and the Queen’s birthday parade in June. In July they are scheduled to unveil a statue of their mother at Kensington Palace, marking what would have been Diana’s 60th birthday, an emotionally charged occasion with the world watching.

While a chasm has opened up between the brothers, William has grown closer to the Queen and Prince Charles. He has helped them to navigate their way through Megxit, Prince Andrew’s removal from public life following the Jeffrey Epstein scandal and, now, the Oprah controversy. “That has changed the way the Queen sees him and values his input,” a courtier says. William also feels his relationship with his grandmother has “massively improved” in recent years and their views are “more aligned than ever”.

Friends say there has also been a “renaissance” in William and Charles’s relationship. “As the years passed there were strains imposed by the system — money, work, competition, Diana,” one says. “Part of William’s evolution is that as he has become closer to his father, he sees their similarities. At William’s wedding there was a gag in one of the speeches that he was more like his father than he’d ever admit, which made a lot of us laugh. As their respective destinies get closer, it weighs more heavily on them and strengthens the bond. The rift with Harry has also brought them closer.”

William is said to hate “flummery”, though the role of future king comes with plenty of bowing and scraping. But in 2017, for the first time publicly, he didn’t get his way. As a new parent worried about rising teenage suicide rates, he had spent a year convening a Cyberbullying Taskforce with big cheeses from tech and social media giants including Facebook, Snapchat, Apple, Google and Twitter. He wanted them to adopt industry-wide guidelines creating safer online spaces for children. According to William the meetings at Kensington Palace got “fruity” and the tech giants didn’t come close to the change he wanted. He was furious.

Tessy Ojo, chief executive of the Diana Award youth charity, sat on the taskforce. “He was deeply disappointed,” she says. “He didn’t come into it as ‘the duke’, he gave emotional pleas as a father.” William has since publicly condemned social media giants for their “false choice of profits over values” and privately offered support to the family of Molly Russell, who took her life at 14 after viewing images of self-harm online. Ojo believes it is William’s “lived experience of the fragility of life that guides the work he does”.

It also shapes the way he and Kate are raising their family. William has said he is determined that the grandchildren Diana never knew should “know who she was and that she existed”. He “constantly” talks to his children “about Granny Diana” at bedtime, so that they know “there are two grandmothers in their lives”. Earlier this month on Mother’s Day, Kensington Palace’s social media feeds published George, Charlotte and Louis’s cards paying tribute to “Granny Diana”, revealing it is an annual ritual for the Cambridge children. After a difficult few weeks for William, a line in Charlotte’s card provided poignant insight into how he is feeling: “Papa is missing you.”

He is on course to be a more modern monarch than any before him, but William is still a creature of habit at heart. He has the same tight circle of friends from his schooldays, one of whom says that, with William, “it’s all about trust and loyalty”. He plays five-a-side football in his Villa socks when he can, goes to the Chelsea Harbour Club gym he went to as a child with his mother and has a “smart casual” public uniform of chinos, jacket, blue shirt and no tie.

“William’s not trying to be down with the kids,” a friend says. “He never wants to be painted as irrelevant or dull, though he’s allergic to being compared to celebrities. The public doesn’t always get to see his funny side, but otherwise he’s the same in private as in public. He once said, ‘I’ll be in the public eye all my life. I can’t hide who I am because I’ll be found out.’ ”

In 2019, during a visit to a youth homelessness charity supporting LGBT people, William was asked how he would feel if one of his children was gay. “Absolutely fine,” he replied. “I fully support whatever decision they make, but it does worry me from a parent’s point of view how many barriers, hateful words, persecution and discrimination might come.” Such a personal exchange was a radical departure from royal engagement small talk. But William, the first in his family to be photographed for the cover of a gay magazine, had personally put the issue on the agenda.

As president of Bafta he gave the academy a diplomatic dressing down in his speech at last year’s ceremony, expressing his “frustration” over the lack of diversity: “In 2020, and not for the first time in the last few years, we find ourselves talking again about the need to do more to ensure diversity in the sector and in the awards process — that simply cannot be right in this day and age.” The 2021 nominees announced this month suggest his words hit home.

William “thinks the public look to him to keep royal work looking modern”, a confidante says. “The Queen and Prince of Wales are providing continuity and stability. He’s carving out his own relationship with diverse communities. He sees it all as a way of doing things now that will help a smooth transition when the time comes.”

Since the start of the coronavirus pandemic, as a former frontline worker himself, William has led the royal charge supporting key workers. “Now, more than ever, he knows what his role in public life is, and he sees the value in it,” a close aide says. Chatting to NHS workers in January, William said: “Something that I noticed from my brief spell flying the air ambulance … is that when you see so much death and so much bereavement, it does impact how you see the world … as a … darker, blacker place.” Soon after the first lockdown was announced, the Cambridges’ Royal Foundation launched Our Frontline, a round-the-clock mental health and bereavement service for key workers.

Miguel Head says the future King William will continue to campaign on his big issues: “I can’t see him backing away from causes he’s passionate about. And while he’s not someone who loves ceremony, he knows the importance of it. When he gets the top job he won’t do away with it all. He’s mindful the monarchy represents something timeless that’s above all of us, and many people like the magic and theatre of it.”

Roya Nikkhah

Roya is royal correspondent at The Sunday Times. Over more than a decade she has covered royal events for the BBC, interviewed the Prince of Wales and Prince Harry and presented the films Prince William, Monarch in the Making and Meghan and Harry: The Baby Years.

[mayoiayasep]

feel free to rant abt anything blue period related :)

that series makes me go crazy in every way possible

because we start off with this character who finally finds his passion right? and thats like how so many other sports animes start right? if you had told me i would feel personally called out by like 90% of the characters who get an arc i would've felt extremely scared.

they portray these struggles so realistically too oh my god, every time yatora would mentally loose it over his art because "i would be better at expressing this if i were just better" and "im actually scared of painting" and "what if i put my all into it and i just get rejected". I have literally never seriously considered an art career and all of these hit me right in the fuciking throat. I think its because some of the things yatora worries about are things that could sometimes be applied to other things? Like, the "im scared of getting rejected" especially for me, I usually think that a lot, its also why i dont like doing competitions, i get too scared of trying my hardest and having to deal with that.

He's also just so very fucking inspiring, like most other mcs. But also he doesnt do those types where he just miraculously pulls through? he gets kicked down, several times, and the best part about him is that that bastard never gives up, which is much more than what i could've done

And the other characters, while not all of them get the same amount of attention, feel so real to me as well. Yuka, who would rather die then confirm to society's wants and is wonderfully queer and her story arc with her and art, while its been a while since i've read that, how she did japanese art just because of her grandmother, the only one in her house who supported her. And those chapters where yuka and yatora went to the sea, god i need to reread those.

There's Maki, who's been living under the shadow of her older sister and the expectations of her family to get into the same school, her "do you ever feel you would enjoy something more if a certain someone weren't there?"

There's Yotasuke, who under his mom's words grew up with some sort of superiority complex which crumbled under nekoyashiki's pressure and he had to deal with his mom manipulation along with the being "friends" with rabbits (i still dont quite get the emotional impact of that yet)

and there's hashida who we still havent gotten a backstory of any kind on yet and im literally on my knees begging for crumbs at this point

and i unfortunately got called out by an 8 year old with a crippling inferiority complex which was probably birthed of being stretched too thin

so yeah<3

[yournameyn]

Feeling Deeply

Genre: Fluff so much fluff. Arranged Marriage fic.

Pairing: Namjoon x OC

A/N: Aaaaaa this is the first fic I'm posting ever ever. It's basically a way to follow the red thread of my desires. OC is named Brishti. She's Indian. She's Bengali & curvy & an introvert. This whole fic is 90% going to be a slow burn fluff fic about two introvert nerds getting to know each other. Seriously there's like hardly any real angst, maybe slight angst about okay when are these two going to bang - if you look very carefully but basically its just slooooow fluuuufff. Hopefully you all like it. Please let me know what you think.

Current Chapter: Remember this is all happening in the 1960s. OC & Namjoon are both really well off first gen immigrants. Nowhere is this the general representation of immigrant experience. Just a special exception because I want to write fluuuuffff. A bit of how this weird marriage took place. Lots of character details.

Previously in Feeling Deeply: Preface-ish

CHAPTER 1

The doorbell rang. Brishti got up to answer it. She handed the cheque to the movers. She was proud to have chipped in. Namjoon hadn’t had a problem with it. Brishti had tried really hard to react as though that was a very normal thing to have happened in a marriage (it wasn’t, not in the marriages she’d seen). Namjoon had taken part in picking out the furniture too - something that was always delegated to the woman. In fact, both of them had been clueless about how to decorate a home. All the same, they’d put together the basics. Today, they had received and unpacked all of their furniture - a two seater sofa, two tables - one for him, one for her & a set of four chairs. And a bed. It had been four days since the wedding.

“Brishti…” Namjoon sighed softly, without her knowing.

He seemed to be drunk on her beauty & her words. He was just noticing how her skin reminded him of the colour of the dark chestnut wood in the warmest evening glow.

Many of his relatives were upset he’d chosen a dark-skinned woman as his wife, a woman who was four years older nonetheless! He knew what the gossip-mongers would say, since he was one of the most eligible bachelors in their social circle, back home in Korea - ”She’s 30! Indian! I didn’t know the Kims had such bad money problems!” Even thinking about the snide comments they would be saying made him livid.

He was thankful his parents only wanted him to be happy. Happily married, that is. Happily single was not really an option. Only two weeks ago, Namjoon was approaching 27 and being severely pressured by his parents to get married soon. They were so tired of their son’s fickle mind that they were even prepared to accept a white woman for their daughter-in-law. When his parents heard about Brishti, they were overjoyed that she belonged to the same continent as Korea.

Namjoon would later learn the strange events that landed his would-be Indian bride in the pile of photos sent by his parent-appointed-official Korean matchmaker-cum-defacto-grandmother.

Brishti had avoided marriage like the plague & had tried to keep her freedom. So much so, the shame she’d brought on had forced her parents to cart her off with her brother to London, claiming they’d found a suitor for her there. And so it fell to Bikram, Brishti’s elder brother - who wanted to frolic in London while trying to be a lawyer - to get her married & send word (and a few photos) of his sister’s wedding as soon as possible.

To be in London, to be here in the swinging sixties, Brishti was happy as can be - she was freer here than she had ever been. She cut off her hair to a pixie-cut the first week of being here. Just this would have caused a month-long conflict at her home. Here, she could finally put to use the education she’d received intended as certificates for the trophy wife she was supposed to be. Here, she could dream.

When the novelty of the new place wore off a bit, Brishti missed the forest. She was from Bengal & had practically grown up in the Sunderbans. And that language, the language of forests, that was truly her mother-tongue. There, in the forest everything was equal. A mushroom & a tree, an elephant & an ant - all worked together to create something bigger than the sum of their parts. Out here in the human world, Brishti had noticed a lot more parasitic creatures.

There weren’t many forests in dreary London. Libraries, however, were aplenty. The next best thing was to be surrounded by books. Brishti began dreaming of a life around books. She wanted to work.

When she approached her brother about wanting to apply for an apprenticeship at The British Library, he scoffed at Brishti’s dream. So, a bargain was struck, Brishti would shut up and marry someone that would let her work (just wording it like that enraged her) in exchange for the permission and travel allowance to be an apprentice librarian at the British Library.

Bikram had rushed to his parent-assigned-defacto-Bangla-grandmother-cum-matchmaker but it seemed that she had been rushed to the hospital right before his arrival. Not willing to take any chances, Brishti’s brother had approached the only other matchmaker-cum-asian-grandmother in the building - Namjoon’s. It had taken him an hour and a bribe of 50 pounds to convince the halmeoni to include his ‘wrong-age, wrong-nationality, wrong-colour, wrong-figure, wrong-attitude’ sister’s photos in her pile.

Namjoon saw her in the pile of photos labelled ‘trash’ in Korean - the black and white photograph of Brishti, with the big bright black eyes. And the antics of a woman who clearly didn’t want to get married - she was huffing angrily in the picture, but was about to break into a smile, as if the photographer was teasing her, trying to ease her into taking her picture. There were three pictures, in one of which, Brishti was trying to swat the lens with the book in her hand. Namjoon had studied the picture carefully to find that the book she was reading was Anna Karenina. ‘How fitting’, he had thought then.

He’d told the matchmaker and his parents right away that this is the girl he wanted to meet - the first of all the photos ever shown to him. This was the one right he’d fought for with his parents - he gets to have the final say. His parents had agreed to let him have an almost-arranged marriage. Mostly because of how proud of him they were.

It irked him a little, how proud they were - of their son who had chosen to be a lawyer instead of his thirteen-year-old self’s dream - to be a poet. He knew they meant well. They meant for him to have a stable, settled life. He knew he was a grown man now, still, it scared him to think how they would react if they knew he still wrote poetry and intended to publish, someday, if he ever found someone he could actually read it to. That it was still his dream.

Namjoon got back to the present when Brishti said “Done!” as she handed Namjoon’s pen back to him. She smiled a little smile at him. He felt her smile getting warmer toward him since the first time he’d met her, over a week ago.

Wanting to keep the conversation going, Namjoon asked her, “Is there anything you’d like to ask me?” Half expecting her to ask - ‘How did you decide so soon that you wanted to marry me?’ or ‘Did you ever see me before we met?’ but she turned around to face him & simply asked a question he’d forgotten people could ask each other-

“How are you?”

Just then, it seemed like the universe had conspired for him to meet his dream again - A simple question that carried a hug. Namjoon smiled wide because he found himself married to a poem.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oooooh god you read it?! Thank you so much! Please please let me know what you thought! Get into my messages about it! I would love nothing more than to hear what you felt about this!

[goldenavenger02]

Susz's Halloween Recommendations Part 1: Movies, specials and TV shows.

Movies/specials

Girl Vs. Monster (2012)

Skylar, a teenage girl who discovers on Halloween she's a fifth generation monster hunter. When Skylar accidentally releases some monsters from a containment chamber she must recapture them before they wreak vengeance on her parents.

Notes: I've been watching this since it came out and it's always been a favorite of mine! Has a great message about facing your fears and not letting them control you with the backdrop of monster hunting!

Halloweentown (1998)

When a young girl living with her good-witch grandmother learns she too is a witch, she must help her grandmother save Halloweentown from evil forces.

Notes: I watched this for the first time last year, and I was pleasantly surprised even as an 18 year old!

Hocus Pocus (1993)

A curious youngster moves to Salem, where he struggles to fit in before awakening a trio of diabolical witches that were executed in the 17th century.

Notes: another movie I watched last year, and so surprisingly dark for Disney, especially in the 90s.

The Haunted Mansion (2003)

A realtor and his wife and children are summoned to a mansion, which they soon discover is haunted, and while they attempt to escape, he learns an important lesson about the family he has neglected.

Notes: Eddie Murphy trying to keep his family safe in this haunted house? It's one of my favorites!

Scooby Doo (2002)

The Mystery Inc. gang have gone their separate ways and have been apart for two years, until they each receive an invitation to Spooky Island. Not knowing that the others have also been invited, they show up and discover an amusement park that affects young visitors in very strange ways. Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy and Scooby soon realize that they cannot solve this mystery without help from each other.

Notes: this is a childhood movie of mine, and the sequel is so good as well. Definitely a good mix of spooky and fun!

Scooby Doo: The Mystery Begins (2009)

A made for TV movie about the origins of the Mystery Incorporated gang.

Notes: a high school/Disney Channel style movie with horror elements starring Robbie Ammel and Hayley Kiyoko. This one is one I've been watching since it came out and it's one of my favorites.

Coraline (2009)

An adventurous 11-year-old girl finds another world that is a strangely idealized version of her frustrating home, but it has sinister secrets.

Notes: watched this one last year and I absolutely adore it! It's so terrifying and I highly recommend.

The Boy (2016)

An American nanny is shocked that her new English family's boy is actually a life-sized doll. After she violates a list of strict rules, disturbing events make her believe that the doll is really alive.

Notes: the movie is suspenseful the whole time, and the last 15 minutes are absolutely horrifying.

Flashback (2020)

After a chance encounter with a man forgotten from his youth, Fred literally and metaphorically journeys into his past.

Notes: I watched this psychological thriller a few months ago and it has it's scary elements, but it's really interesting to see the main character descend into madness and obsession due to something in his personal life.

Edge of Winter (2016)

When two brothers are stranded by a brutal winter storm with an unpredictable father they barely know, the boys begin to suspect their supposed protector may be their biggest threat.

Notes: pretty sure this movie was filmed around the same time Captain America: Civil War, so it's very young Tom Holland, but this is a movie he is so good in. Definitely makes you wonder just how far parents are willing to go.

Hubie Halloween (2020)

Despite his devotion to his hometown of Salem (and its Halloween celebration), Hubie Dubois is a figure of mockery for kids and adults alike. But this year, something is going bump in the night, and it's up to Hubie to save Halloween.

Notes: Don't take this one seriously and you're more likely to enjoy it. Definitely more of a comedy than anything scary. Adam Sandler is very polarizing but I enjoyed this.

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

Dracula, who operates a high-end resort away from the human world, goes into overprotective mode when a boy discovers the resort and falls for the count's teenaged daughter.

Notes: a family Halloween movie that really is just a fun time.

Ninjago: Day of the Departed (2016)

On the Ninjago holiday: Day of the Departed, the ninja remeber those who have departed.

Notes: Takes place in between season 6 and 7 and really explores grief as well as the concept of being forgotten. Obviously you have to watch the seasons before to understand this, but it's really interesting to watch for sure.

My Friend Dahmer (2017)

Jeffrey Dahmer murdered 17 men and boys in the Midwest United States between 1978 and 1991 before being captured and incarcerated. He would become one of America's most infamous serial killers. This is the story before that story.

Notes: a fascinating look into an infamous serial killer, both parts fiction and non fiction and suspenseful the whole time.

TV shows

Teen Wolf (2011-2017)

Scott becomes the eponymous teenage werewolf of the series after he is bitten by an alpha werewolf the night before his second year of high school, drastically changing his once-ordinary life.

Notes: one of my absolute favorite TV shows, and perfect for the Halloween season! Especially since the movie is coming out next year!

Only Murders in the Building (2021-)

Only Murders in the Building follows three strangers, played by Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez, who share an obsession with a true crime podcast. After a murder in their building, the three neighbors decide to start their own show that covers their investigation of the murder.

Notes: Already fantastic and season 1 is still coming out on Hulu! The blend of comedy and horror is always one of my favorites!

Cruel Summer (2021-)

The series follows two teenage girls in the 1990s and the repercussions on everyone's lives after one disappears and the other seemingly takes her place.

Notes: this has huge triggers for domestic violence, grooming and sexual assault. If you're not triggered by that, I HIGHLY recommend this, and I'm so excited for season 2! It also has some great LGBT+ rep!

Nancy Drew (2019-)

Nancy Drew (Kennedy McMann) is a brilliant teenaged detective whose sense of self had come from solving mysteries in her hometown of Horseshoe Bay, Maine – until her mother’s untimely death derails Nancy’s college plans.

Notes: I've been watching this since it came out and season 3 is about to start airing! The first season is so wonderful and full of twists and turns (season 2 isn't as good, but it's the CW) and I highly recommend!

Ninjago Season 5, Possession (2015)

The spirit of the evil Morro is released from the cursed realm and the Ninjas have to unite in the battle against an evil foe.

Notes: one of my favorite seasons of the show, and definitely one of the darkest ones! Deals with grief, depression and high expectations and it's so good!

Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated (2010-2013)

Scooby-Doo and the gang attempt to solve creepy mysteries in the town of Crystal Cove, a place with a history of eerie supernatural events.

Notes: this starts off similar to the original Scooby Doo show from the early 70's, but as the overarching plot gets deeper and deeper, you really spend your time just wondering "what the heck is going on".

I'm not going to put specific episodes of TV shows on here, because that'll get daunting, but part 2 is books and fics!

[supercasey]

TF2 RED Headcanons by an idiot that can’t pay attention well enough to read the comics

Back on my bullshit, because I apparently can’t shut up tonight. This is gonna be a big, possibly in-cohesive mess, and will probably have more focus on Scout, Pyro, Sniper, and Spy since they’re my favs, but I still felt like writing down all my dumb headcanons/ideas regarding everyone’s favorite mercenaries (at the moment at least; I might make another post like this later on, hopefully after I’ve read the comics)! Sorry if any of these seem OOC, I’m just goofin’! (Putting this under a readmore because WOW this got LONG)

Every Sunday afternoon, Scout, Pyro, and eventually Sniper when he tells everyone that he's a trans guy, hold a makeshift “Trans Buddy Club” meeting, which mostly consists of Scout mindlessly rambling about drama on base, Pyro nodding along, and Sniper occasionally adding his two cents/spilling tea as well.

Scout can speak fluent French, on account of his mom making sure to teach it to him so he could have more of a connection to his dad, but no one found out until a little after Spy told Scout he was his dad. It wasn’t long after this that Scout revealed that this entire time, he’s known every single thing that Spy's ever said to him in French, but he didn't say anything because he thought it would be funny to keep the ruse going (also because he really liked being praised in secret). Cue Spy freaking tf out because oh no, now his kid knows that he's secretly a huge softie for not only his son, but his whole team.

Sometimes Spy and Scout talk shit in French right there in front of the team, but no one has any fucking idea what they’re saying and to be honest it’s pissing Soldier off the most, much to the father and son duo’s amusement.

Pyro secretly has a little black rabbit named Lucifer (Lucy for short) in their bedroom, which they only take out to get some fresh air and hop around very early in the morning, before anyone else is awake. The only people who know are Medic, Spy, and surprisingly enough Soldier, whose raccoons became friends with Lucy.

Sniper has a goldfish in his RV, but it died three months after he joined the team; he has no idea though because Miss Pauling replaces it every time one passes away, so now Sniper is convinced he has the world’s oldest goldfish.

Scout and Soldier both really want a dog, but they're not allowed to have one on-base. :(

((Heavy plans on sneaking a dog in next Christmas and no one can stop him. It’s gonna be a Border Collie named Bandit, and it gets the most attached to Scout and Heavy.))

Demo is no longer allowed to make mixed drinks for parties; the last time he did, he got everyone so shitfaced that they had to cancel work for three days in a row in order to recover from it.

Continuing off of that: drunk headcanons.

Demoman: Unassuming drunk. Acts like he usually does, unless he’s gotten particularly shitfaced for a party/event, in which case he’ll be slurring so bad that no one can understand him anymore.

Pyro: Giggly drunk. Is just laughing the whole fucking night at nothing in particular, which scares anyone who’s still sober. If they’re too far gone, they’ll start mumbling something that sounds like it’s in Spanish.

Spy: Party drunk. An absolute fucking mess, he’s trying to impress everyone and keep their attention on him, which usually leads to him standing on tables and dancing until he falls and passes out.

Sniper: Sleepy drunk. Out like a fucking light at the slighest bit of alcohol. If he wakes up and keeps drinking though, he’ll just be slurring like Demo, only with a lot more anger in his voice. Let him sleep, or he’ll fucking stab you to death.

Scout: Clumsy drunk. Bumps into anything and everything; eventually has to be given a sippy cup for his alcohol because he dropped three glasses in a row. Talks even faster than usual, until he accidentally fucking pukes on someone.

Soldier: Calm drunk. Instead of getting loud and aggressive like most would think/fear, he’s just… chillin'. Just watches the shitshow as it happens, not even laughing when people get hurt/fall down. Kinda terrifying if we’re being honest here.

Engineer: Depressed drunk. His depression goes through the roof if he has too much, so he doesn't drink more than a few beers if he can help it. If he does accidentally drink too much, he'll be sobbing his eyes out in no time flat.

Heavy: Cuddly drunk. It’s very, very hard to get him drunk, since he’s really good at holding his liquor, but if you do, he’s gonna be hugging and carrying everyone he can get his hands on; you can expect him to have Medic and/or Pyro on his lap once he’s drunk enough.

Medic: Angry drunk. He wants to start fights with fucking everyone, all his rage coming out once he’s had a few too many; god help anyone who tries to stop him. Luckily for all involved, Heavy is more than capable of holding him still until he tires himself out.

BONUS Miss Pauling: Dumbass drunk. With too many bottles in her, she’s gonna be the one shouting and encouraging Spy to act reckless, while also encouraging Engie to drink more because quitting is for losers. Will pass out within an hour or so of downing her first drink.

BONUS The Administrator: Stereotypical drunk. Slurring, stumbling, she’s got the whole nine yards, but she’ll be damned before she let’s anyone see her that messed up. Secretly sips wine at work.

Okay, back to my rambling.

My personal headcanon names and ages for Scout’s older brothers, going from oldest to youngest: Grant 34, Timothy 32, Jacob 31, Arthur 31, Patrick 30, Malcolm 27, Curtis 26, and Jeremy (Scout) 23.

((Also, I’mma go off on my headcanon personalities for them, which are based off of how I’ve tried portraying them in my "Jeremy" fic.))

Grant - 34 years old - Bisexual - Occupation: Veteran/Construction worker - Personality: the oldest of the bunch, he takes it upon himself to keep his little brothers in line/help Ma out as much as he can. Enlisted in the Air Force after he graduated high school, and still takes a lot of pride in his veteran status after serving overseas three separate times. The family peacemaker.

Timothy - 32 years old - Homosexual - Occuptaion: Cartoonist - Personality: the gentlest of his brothers, he often gets roped into helping Grant keep the pack from running too wild. Bit of a softie; loves his husband and loves his job. Closest relationship is with Scout. Doesn’t approve of Scout being a merc but is too scared to say so. The family heart.

Jacob - 31 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Freelance guitarist - Personality: the firstborn of the only set of twins, Jacob is a lot more abrasive and instigating than his twin brother. Can’t grow a beard for shit, which pisses him off. Doesn’t get along well with Timmy, despite them both being talented and devoted artists. The family sword.

Arthur - 31 years old - Pansexual - Occupation: Carpenter - Personality: the second born of the only set of twins, Arthur is far more outgoing and nonchalant than his twin brother. Has a beard and loves it more than life. Secretly has a boyfriend, but is too nervous to come out. Gets along better with Jacob after they’ve become adults. The family shield.

Patrick - 30 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Hairdresser - Personality: probably the least social of all of the brothers, he prefers staying out of sight and out of mind tbh. Used to practice cutting everyone’s hair when they were kids. Doesn’t talk to his brothers that much, mostly due to being busy/forgetting to call more. The family shadow.

Malcolm - 27 years old - Heteromantic Asexual - Occupation: Wrestler - Personality: the most aggressive and physically competitive of his brothers, there’s nothing he won’t do to win a fight, save for using weapons/lethal force. Hard to get along with, but he still loves his brothers to bits, and was overprotective of Scout when they were younger. The family instigator.

Curtis - 26 years old - Heterosexual - Occupation: Bartender - Personality: was a total fucking mama’s boy growing up, and constantly got in trouble with his brothers for tattling on them. Still argues with Scout every time they see each other. Wants to make Ma proud, but it’s hard for him to keep a job for very long. The family drifter.

Jeremy - 23 years old - Transmale Pansexual - Occupation: Mercenary - Personality: (This is mostly for how he was as a kid) was constantly following his brothers around (especially Malcolm) in hopes of getting in on the fun. Was always treated as the family baby, so everyone was a bit scared to wrestle/fight with him for fear of getting him hurt. Very close to Timmy and Ma. The family runt.

No one on RED team can fucking drive well, save for MAYBE Sniper, but even he hates doing it. Spy gets so goddamn mad within two seconds of driving, Pyro can't stop swerving, Scout drives like a 16 year old who hasn't realized their own mortality yet, Medic jumps at every little inconsistency on the road, Heavy shouts at other drivers for being too slow/fast, Demo's depth perception is shit, Engie drives like a 90 year old grandmother, and Soldier is fine except he will literally shoot at other drivers for tailgating him/cutting him off.

The whole team has designated “Team Bonding Days” thanks to Miss Pauling, which involves playing board games, card games, and video games (in a slightly more modernized AU) together… this, of course, goes badly sometimes. The worst incident they ever had was a bad game of Monopoly that almost ended Heavy and Medic's friendship.

Uno is forever banned from Team Bonding Days. No explanation is needed.

Off the battlefield and in the base, Miss Pauling had the team set up a chore wheel, which is only occasionally followed. Engie is the most dedicated to following it, while Demo and Sniper try everything in their power to avoid cleaning the base.

Spy sometimes disguises himself as other teammates in order to get out of doing his chores, which has led to a lot of shouting matches that ended in Spy being forced to admit it was his fault.

Spy's favorite teammates to disguise himself as are Engie and Scout. He likes being Engie because he gets to be more affectionate with people without being found out, and he can act as Scout incredibly easily due to knowing him so well (tbh he's so good at masquerading as Scout that it's scary).

For Halloween, everyone put their names in Soldier's hat, then proceeded to pull out other teammates’ names to dress up as for their Halloween party. I dunno exactly who would be who, except that Scout traded around to get Spy, steals one of Spy's suits, and just goes around the party bonking people with a plastic baguette he bought online and speaking in a purposefully bad accent.

Spy: Mon fils, you can speak perfect French and you fucking know it. Please stop making a fool of ton père.

Scout: Hohoho, wee wee, I am a fucking frog that gets pegged by baguettes, hoho!

((Spy is this fucking close to committing filicide.))

Everyone can actually cook pretty well, but only very specific things for each merc: Demo can mix and blend drinks (not just alcoholic ones) like it's nothing, Pyro and Heavy like baking, Medic can barbecue anything, Scout knows how to make a lot of shit from scratch (thanks, Ma), Spy and Engie can grill like the true dads they are, Soldier will deep fry every piece of food he eats, and Sniper makes the best soups and stews imaginable.

In order of least to most messy bedrooms: Spy, Heavy, Engie, Sniper, Pyro, Demoman, Medic, Scout, and Soldier. You'd think Scout's would be the worst, but Soldier's room looks like a literal fucking war-zone.

Even when they're not working but get injured in some way (namely from shenanigans/horseplay), people will straight up kill themselves in order to respawn without the injury. The pettiest thing anyone ever respawned off-duty for was Medic suiciding over a tiny ass paper cut.

Demoman is scarily competent at the weirdest of times. For instance, Engie was once trying to figure out how to fix an issue on one of his turrets, only for Demo to stumble over, completely shitfaced, and point out the problem as well as the solution, before passing out under Engie's worktable. Demo doesn't remember this at all.

The first time Engie swore in front of the team in excess (due to dropping a hammer on his foot while he was tinkering), everyone was absolutely horrified because they had only ever heard him say “fiddlesticks” and the like.

Medic's room may not be the messiest, but goddamn is his office a fucking bomb waiting to go off 90% of the time. No one but Medic can find anything in the mess, which is just fine by him.

Heavy likes to sing (mostly just to Sasha) when he's cleaning her in the locker room. The others try to be within hearing range when he does this, because holy fuck, Heavy is a very good singer! He mostly just sings soft songs/lullabies, so his singing is sometimes used by the team insomniacs to help them get some much needed rest.

Okay, another group one. The mercs during shopping trips together:

Demoman: Sneaks a shit ton of alcohol into the cart when no one's looking. Starts complaining if he has to be at the store for too long; will try and sneak away to go home at least once during the trip. Accidentally bumps into a display case and makes a huge fucking mess.

Pyro: Sits obediently in the cart the whole time, occasionally nabbing candy and stuffed animals off of nearby shelves. Will puppy-dog eyes their way into getting everything they grabbed, no matter how much it is.

Spy: Somehow managed to steal an employee uniform and he pretends to work at the store the whole trip; the other mercs keep accidentally falling for it and asking for his help. This all goes to shit when a Karen starts shouting at him over something he didn't do, and he straight up slaps her.

Sniper: King of forgetting wtf was on the list and just grabs shit on the grounds of “Doc said we needed milk, right?” and other such excuses. Knows where everything is despite never having come here before.

Scout: “Gimme the list, I can get everythin' in, like, ten minutes!” Wants to speedrun grocery shopping due to years of shopping with his mom and brothers. Will run loose if left unsupervised and accidentally bust ass on some spilled milk.

Soldier: The one who spilled the milk that Scout busts his ass on. Insists he knows where he's going, but doesn't. Gets into a fistfight with a soccer mom while everyone's waiting to check out; the soccer mom won.

Engineer: Has a full, printed list of everything the team needs, which is organized by aisle number. Is the one who gives into Pyro's begging. Team Dad; keeps an eye on everyone and stops the soccer mom from murdering Soldier.

Heavy: Pushes the cart the entire time. Spends way too money on stuff in the protein shake aisle. At one point runs the cart down the aisle and let's go because Pyro wanted him to, and it ends up crashing into Demo.

Medic: Argues with the pharmacists at the pharmacy counter. Got lost with Soldier until they found Scout unconscious, so he had to perform CPR in the dairy aisle and a fucking paramedic criticized him the whole time; the paramedic hasn't been seen since.

BONUS Miss Pauling: Tries to more or less chaperone this shitshow of a shopping trip. Starts out cheerful and happy, ends up threatening to put child leashes on every last one of these dumbasses.

After Spy taught him how to dance in Expiration Date, Scout goes to him occasionally for advice, such as how to change a tire, how to cook certain things, how tf to do laundry, etc. Spy secretly loves that Scout does this, and tries to help him as much as he can.

Everyone on the team has called Engie “Dad” at least once, even Spy and Medic. No one comments on it.

Medic has been known to go on hour long tirades about anti-vaxxers, with Engie sometimes joining in.

Heavy buys Pyro stuffed animals during his trips to visit his family, which has started a tradition of everyone buying Pyro stuffed animals/toys when they go somewhere without them. Pyro's room is starting to look like a preschooler’s dream bedroom.

Scout calls his mom every other Friday, and he’ll occasionally let his teammates talk to her. Soldier always goes on and on about how good a soldier Scout has been (Scout cries like a baby), Medic tells her about Scout’s latest injuries (Scout damn near chokes him over it), Sniper is just glad to talk to a mom who won’t scold him for the whole phone call, Pyro hums music while Scout’s Ma sings the lyrics for them, Heavy talks about living in huge families with her, Demo asks her how she’s doing and if he can help her out at all, Engie is polite and also praises Scout, and Spy just tells her he’ll call her later before hanging up (Scout punches him for being rude to his mama).

Spy calls Scout's mom on the Fridays that Scout doesn't, mostly to check on her and sometimes to get into some, uh, “steamy” conversations over the phone. Sniper overheard a conversation between them once and now he can't look Scout or Spy in the eyes anymore.

And that's all I've got for right now! I hope you all liked my stupid headcanons!

[virgomoontarot]

October 2020 Updated Guidelines

Please familiarize yourself with these guidelines before requesting a reading, thank you 

My name is Jen, and I’ve been reading tarot for about five years. I created this blog as a space to hone my skill and provide distance readings, as well as other insights into my personal spiritual practice. I use tarot as a tool for emotional and spiritual healing and growth. While these readings are “for entertainment”, my practice is deeply personal and something I take seriously. My hope is that this time and energy spent is respected and not taken advantage of, or used inappropriately. My goal for this space is to eventually earn some income here. I identify as a witch, but I’m not too keen on any other labels; I feel most connected to my power when I can connect with nature.

Please follow me here for a reading. I follow back from @virgomoon-caregiver.

Tips are not required at this time, but they are certainly appreciated! I currently provide 24-hour care to my 90-year-old grandmother in her home, who is living with late stage dementia. I have no source of income and I would like to use this space as a jumping off point to get a little side hustle going. There are no expectations of compensation at this time, but if you can spare a dollar or two it would be greatly appreciated, and it won’t be forgotten. I include my cashapp and PayPal at the end of each reading to make it easier for those who are able to tip. This information can also be found in my bio.

All readings are ten cards. For additional cards we can discuss compensation.

I am available to do shufflemancy readings as well, but keep in mind they will be less accurate and insightful than tarot readings, and significantly shorter.

DM readings will get priority over asks. I don’t mind answering readings via asks, but it is a more time-consuming format for me to respond to. If you request your reading via ask, expect it to take longer than a reading via DM. As of today, October 4, 2020, I will only answer asks which have confirmed that they have read and agreed to my guidelines. If this confirmation is not included in your ask, it will be deleted. If you are unable to use or see emojis, simply state that you have read and agree, thank you.

I am unable to read for anyone under 18 years of age.

I will not be held accountable for the actions taken of any individual who receives a reading.

I am unable to answer any legal or medical questions. Please seek professional guidance for these matters.

I cannot guarantee a specific timeline. Our paths and destinies are fluid and ever changing. While some things are fated to occur, we all have free will. This means that the timing of some elements of our lives can change and fluctuate based upon our choices.

It is for this same reason that I also struggle to give a definitive “yes or no”. I can provide insight into more open-ended questions and I can provide guidance to bring you closer to your desired outcomes. But nothing in our future is set in stone

I am not willing to read about harm coming to others. This does not resonate with my practice or beliefs.

I am now limiting free readings to one per 30 days per person. If you would like an additional reading or cards pulled within the month, we can discuss methods of compensation. I feel confident enough in my ability now to begin to charge for my services. However, it is my wish to continue to provide them for free, within limits, for the time being.

I do not provide celebrity readings. I have nothing against them, but they do not resonate with my personal practice.

Love and soulmate readings will not typically include a physical description, occupation, field of study, etc. When I perform romance readings, I am feeling for the energy signature of a potential partner. I am not at this time capable of seeing the external pieces of someone’s life this way.

Along this note, please keep in mind that love and romance readings are the most uncertain type of reading I provide, because the fate of the union is dependent upon the choices and influencing factors of the lives of two separate people. Because there are double the variables, I would predict about half the accuracy.

Please no terfs, radfems, or transphobes. I’ve been seeing a handful following this blog and try to block you as I go. I’m not willing to engage with your energy. Block me.

Thank you all for the support and for taking the time to read my guidelines. For all future reading requests, please send a 🦁 along with it so that I know you’ve read these guidelines. Much love to you all, I look forward to reading for you!

[thehoneybuzz]

Chasing Baker

My Nana was my greatest adversary.

In an otherwise charmed life, Nana was an immovable force and the only legitimate challenger to my willpower. Not without the warmth one would expect from a grandmother, Nana could be sharp - like a sun-warmed pane of glass. Lesser hearts might have bent to me when I requested accommodation - but not Nana. Nana set a firm bedtime, insisted on efficient tooth brushing, and rather than negotiate with hair tangles, made short work of them in single, swift wrenches when brushing your hair. No nonsense. When you stayed with her - in one of two twin beds in a room made precisely for grandchildren - you often found yourself in bed with the lights out, with no real memory of having gotten there, swept away in the tide of your sheets. Nana was uncompromising, and no arena was more suited to our mutual stubbornness as the dinner table.

I grew up a notoriously picky eater. After a weekend at my Uncle Jerry's, my mom received a hardcover copy of "The Strong-Willed Child" from him as a gift. He had spanked me for not eating chicken nuggets. As evident by its title, the book was meant to coach my mother on parenting strategies for mitigating my innate obstinance. This would not be the only copy of the book my mother received. Though, I think she could have written one by the time I turned 4. I simply refused to eat the things I didn't like, and that was a long list.

A relative once applauded - clapped his hands together in joy- upon learning that I had graduated from having the crusts cut off my bread to full-blown sandwich eating. The peanut butter and honey sandwich was my signature dish and an absolute staple. I'd like to say I've grown out of it - and I've certainly grown having tried llama steak in Peru, lamb heart at the table of a Lebanese family, and Greenland shark in an Icelandic cafe - but it took me a long time to let go of my habits and permit myself to try, and it took some coaxing. My preferences ran deep.

My diet from ages six through eleven included Eggo waffles, peanut butter and honey sandwiches, an assortment of cereals, a handful of specific fruits and vegetables, and the occasional steak when mom thought my iron was low. My mom - on the advice of a pediatrician who told her that if she force-fed me, I'd develop an eating disorder - catered to this preference. Nana did not. They must have been seeing different pediatricians.

Nana took the clear your plate approach - The approach driven by reward and consequence. Finish your plate, cookies delivered. Fail to try, become hungry and hungrier still as dessert passes you by. I took to swallowing food whole, and my mom took to sending me with granola bars on visitations. She'd line the interior of my suitcase like we were smuggling drugs. I'll admit it was an unusual form of contraband, but the measure seemed necessary in a divorced child's duplicitous world. What my mom saw as nourishment, my Dad might see as undermined parenting strategy even under the best of circumstances - which they often weren't. I was hungry, so decided it best to keep things a secret and wrappers out of the trash.

Despite Nana's apparent best efforts, I avoided the eating disorder. Thanks to my mom, I avoided most foods until my early 20s. I don't know who was right. What I know for certain is that I was loved.

When I sat down with Nana after my trip to Mt. Baker, she clutched her heart as she said. "Ally - to think about you as this little girl - and that you would only eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches - to think of you climbing mountains…" she shakes her head, "… well I just can't believe it."

I started to laugh and asked her, "Want to know the best part?"

She nodded, smile in her eyes, full of that sunny warmth - playful and kaleidoscopic.

"I ate peanut butter and honey sandwiches up and down the side of that mountain, Nana," I told her, laughing, and then we laughed together. Growing up is fun, I thought, especially in moments like this.

Laughing with your grandmother is a gift you receive in exchange for time, and it is a beautiful gift indeed. Here is a woman who bathed you, clothed you, fed you - and by the time you're old enough to understand the magnitude of the life she held before all that, she is often gone. I'm lucky to have this time. Nana is 90 years old now, and my mother's mother passed at 74. I never got to have the conversations I wanted to have with my grandmother, who died. To ask her questions like, 'Who were you?' 'What lifetimes made up the love you gave so effortlessly away?'

There is something about mountain climbing that makes you consider those kinds of questions in real-time. There is something about mountain climbing that makes you feel as if you are in the process of 'becoming.' So when, at the parking lot of Grandy Creek Grocery, I met my fellow climbers and our guides - there was a feeling of anticipation and nervousness about who I'd be sharing that story with. Dropping me off, my mom described it like the first day of kindergarten. The first person I met was Sharon.

I had been worried about Sharon. Weeks before, on the pre-trip Zoom call, she stood out from the digital crowd as the most visibly senior person there. Sharon did not look old - she looked undoubtedly the oldest. I think this is an important distinction - particularly to Sharon. I remember thinking - "I hope she is not on my trip because I'm worried she will show me down." A very judgmental thought and the universe saw to its reckoning. Sharon surprised the hell out of me.

She paced the parking lot, and I jumped out of my rig to greet her. We quickly began commiserating. Baker would be her first mountain. I had Mount St. Helens under my belt, but it's not much in the way of experience. We talked about our training plan, recounting long drives to taller places. Sharon was from Wisconsin, and she had to drive 45 minutes to get to peaks at 3,000 - the same as me in Eastern Washington. We had a lot in common. Where I ran, she had been hiking with weight and jogging. Sharon wasn't afraid of hard work. On our drive to the trailhead, I learned that she had just lost 75 pounds last year. I learned later that when Sharon signed up for this climb, she hadn't told anyone in her family she was doing it. She was 62 years old and had never once traveled alone. What on earth possessed her to climb a mountain? I'd be afraid of that question, too.

Sharon eventually fessed up to her family and made the trip official. That's how we found ourselves on the side of a mountain together. I'm embarrassed to have been so fundamentally wrong - but my confession is not without meaning, and I learned an important lesson. Never underestimate a Sharon.

When Melissa, our guide, described Mt. Baker for the first time, she called it by its indigenous name, Komo Kulshan. She then gave us its epithet - "The Great White Watcher." Having now met Kulshan face to face, I can tell you that's precisely how he feels. The summit looms as you navigate through the trees. Stoic in the face of the wilderness that surrounds him. Ice cold, he waits. In the Lummi language, he's called 'white sentinel.' He is persistent, vigilant, and watching.

I focused my nervous energy on preparing to meet this mountain by learning what I could about him. I learned that Mt. Baker is 10,781 feet tall, an active volcano, and the second most glaciated mountain in the continental united states (Rainier's got it beat, and you don't count Alaska). It's a formidable mountain, known - as nearly all alpine environments are - for its quickly changing conditions and the perils of its geology. This all, somehow, frightened me less than the thought of meeting Melissa Arnot-Reid. Her legend loomed not in the Cascades - where only a single peak resides above the threshold of 14,000 feet by which the Rockies measure their formidable "fourteeners." Melissa's legend loomed as large as Everest, on who's summit she has been six times - the only American woman to summit without the use of supplemental oxygen and survive. 29,032 feet. Melissa was someone I wanted to learn from, and I was scared shitless of her by reputation.

Suffering a bit of social awkwardness around celebrities, I prepared to meet Melissa by seeking to learn nothing about her at all. The antithesis of my mountain strategy - I told myself our experience would be what it was when we met on the mountain. My job was to learn - to ask my questions courageously - and be vulnerable and bold in seeking truth. I spent a fair bit of time wondering if she might be an ass hole, too. The age-old adage, "don't meet your heroes," drifted in and out of my mind.

In the last 15 minutes of our drive to Grandy's, my mom started reading Melissa's Wikipedia page aloud to me as I navigated the road, undoing months of my concerted preparation. I let her continue, greedy for information. "It says she trains by depriving herself of things - that she'll go without food and water."

"Probably a good idea if you're ever going to be stuck on the side of a mountain without it," I told her. I braced myself for a response. In the past few months, my mother had a growing sensitivity around topics that might suggest I could die on the side of a mountain. Admitting, so blatantly, that mountain climbing was a dangerous sport left me vulnerable to excessive mothering accompanied by exclamations of "Don't you dare!" Instead, my mom sort of nodded and continued, "I'm surprised her baby came out healthy."

My brow furrowed. I hated my mother for saying it. I had avoided a lecture from the mother of the mountaineer but failed to account for the mother of the daughter aged-almost-thirty. My uterus is a topic of conversation around my mother's table. Apparently, so was Melissas. Not wanting to discuss either, I let my mother's comment go unchecked as she continued to list accomplishments. "This article says she's focused on business, not emotions. That she is an incredible problem-solver." Now her reports felt more like cheating - it felt like an unfair advantage to meet someone armed with publicly available information about them. When you Google "Allyson Tanzer," you won't find much about my disposition under pressure. I told my mom it was time to focus and turned up the music.

When we parked, and I went to introduce myself to Melissa, three things happened. As I introduced myself, she first quickly let me know that she would not be giving out hugs due to the pandemic. Then, taking my hand in a firm grip, Melissa detailed that she and our other guide, Adrienne, had critical guide business to discuss and would be with us in a moment. She reported being thrilled to be meeting us as she quickly dropped my hand. Within thirty seconds, I was apologizing profusely and backing my way into the grocery. What can I say - first time formally climbing mountains, and I wasn't sure of the protocol. I fiddled with a bag of Cheetohs and continued to hope that she wasn't just an ass hole.

I went to the bathroom for something to do and remembered what my mother said. Task-oriented. I figured Melissa probably didn't hate me, after all. Despite my earlier misgivings, I was grateful to know a bit about her character, regardless of how 'honestly' that information was obtained. Thanks, Mom.

Our climb began. We left Grandy's in a caravan and parked near 3000' at the winter routes trailhead. On the first day, you ascend to 6000' and establish camp. You carry about 40 pounds, walking 1 mile and about 1000 vertical feet per hour, stopping for 15-minute breaks in those intervals. Conditions are warm, which means you're doing something the mountaineers call "post-holing" - ramming deep holes (as if for a fence post) into the ground as you step through snow that's washed out underneath. It's slow-going and rigorous. An hour and a half in, Melissa reports that we're standing in the location where she usually takes the first break. Unseasonably warm weather with a heavy snow accumulation has made for an exciting start.

You walk along a canyon ridge formed by a retreating glacier. You realize that time here is not measured in the same cadence that it's known to you. Mountains measure time in millennium, not decades. The formations of rock are carved by years, not minutes. The ground holds a history you can't conceive of - an ancient history of rock and ice. You are constantly struck by feeling small both physically and in your very chronology. I spent the first day happily in awe.

At camp, you maintain - guides (and playfully designated junior guides), boil snow, establish a base, dig a toilet. You assess whether or not you need to poop in a bag and carry it down the mountain with you as you try - for the first time - a rehydrated meal claiming to be chili Mac and cheese. Melissa teaches us how to walk on rope over a glacier. I try to mimic her knots. She redefines your concept of efficiency - breathlessly describing a packing order that accounts for calorie intake, warmth requirements and weight distribution - Every contingency considered. When I win the Ice Ax Rodeo by landing my thrown ax in a particular configuration - all is right in the world. Melissa is a drill sergeant giving instruction. She outlines the next minute - next five minutes - next hour - next day.

Her matter-of-fact nature reminds me of something. When I gave my parents a ride in an airplane for the first time with me as the pilot in command, I provided them near the same briefing as we were parked on the ramp. It ended dramatically with, "And if anything should happen, you have to exit the aircraft first in the following fashion." At which point I launched myself from the plane. I wanted them to be prepared to fight their instincts to protect me. I’m the only pilot on board - and my job is to protect my passengers, no exceptions. They both described a sense of foreboding and peace at the demonstration. It’s precisely how I felt when Melissa explained how she would be rescuing herself from a crevasse. “If you fall, I get you out. If I fall, I get myself out, but I need your help as an anchor to do so.” She took the approach of coaching us in only what we needed for the next challenge. We would learn crevasse rescue on a need to know basis. At Grandy’s, she told us to expect 48 hours of endurance. At camp, we’re at hour 9. She painted a picture of the following day.

"We'll begin between 11, and 2 am. Expect switchbacks up the glacier, a series of flats, and gains over the next hour. In 3.5 miles, we'll gain an additional 2000 feet - meandering a path through the glacier's crevasses, and it will gradually become steeper over time. About 1.5 miles to the summit, we'll hit the Easton glacier culminating in the Roman Wall. Then, because God has a sense of humor, you have a long flat walk to the summit after the steepest portion. All said it will take us between 5-7 hours to the top."

Frankly, it was just about as simple as that.

My eyes opened at 11:50 pm to the sound of movement outside the tent. Melissa had coached us here, too. "You may not be sleeping," she told us as we readied for 'lights out.' Days from the summer solstice, the sun burned brightly above us at 7 pm. "Remember that you don't need sleep; you need rest. That's what you're getting here at camp. You're horizontal; your feet are out of your boots. Close your eyes, and know you're getting what you need." Felt like a lie, but sure enough, with two hours of sleep, I couldn't describe myself as tired.

I did, however, feel cold. Chilly night temperatures had crept into our tent, and dressing for the day was arduous. I knew to keep my clothes in my sleeping bag. It was a trick I learned from a friend made trekking in the Andes for dressing in the cold. I knew to shorten my trekking poles while climbing, thanks to my guide on that same trek. I'd be leaving my trekking poles behind today, though. Ice axes only. We divide into rope teams. The race begins, but there's no starting pistol - only wind.

Fifteen minutes into our climb and we're struggling to find the rhythm. I'm still shaking the bleariness of the cold. The rope between climbers takes on an interesting dynamic. While it connects you to your fellow climber, it also isolates you from them. You have to maintain a certain distance away from one another while maintaining the same pace. It's a dance with crampons on in glacial ice - a delicate dance indeed - and it's where climbing feels like a team sport. You're all in it together.

Voices rang out in sequence like a game of telephone - one of our team would need to climb down. We said short goodbyes and waited as Adrienne (guide) descended with climber to camp. We were lucky - we hadn’t been climbing long which meant Adrienne could climb down and back to rejoin her rope. Guide redundancy is a safety net when groups of climbers work together.

Darkness continued. We continued. As you persist, darkness seems to persist along with you. In the first hour, it grows heavy. Your world begins and ends at the light of your headlamp, and that's where you find it—your rhythm. Crampons crunching, breath steady, and the gentle swish of your layers create a sort of timpani, a medley of percussion sounds. Clink, brush, crunch, and clink, brush, crunch, as ax bites ice, the movement of your clothes, and the toe of your boot kicks crampon into snow propelling you forward. There isn't much to think about in this grinding meditation. You're grounded in tugs from ahead or behind you as you march, slowly up. You can count steps, miles, feet of elevation - whatever keeps you moving. Whatever keeps you going up.

Moments before sunrise, we would lose another on our team. I listened to Melissa coach her. "What we're headed to is going to be harder than what we've just done. If how you are feeling is taking away from your ability to focus on your next step - I can only tell you that it's not going to get easier from here." That's when I saw the decision on her face. Another round of goodbyes - this one a bit more somber. She had worked so hard.

The decision to descend is a difficult one, but it’s one of the most important you can make. There are steep consequences to being in over your head in a place so remote. The summit is a siren, beware. Melissa - aware of the remaining teams intention to summit - advised us to plug our ears as she told the descending climber the Sherpa belief that a mountain won't let you summit for the first time if it likes you. Mountains bring you back. Further, she coached, the decision to go down can lift an entire team's chance of success if you feel you're a liability. Recognizing yourself and your limitations truthfully is a mountain in itself. That's the summit this person made in her decision to descend.

Like a good Agatha Christie novel, our list of characters dwindled. We added layers and continued - five of the original eight. Melissa was right, again. After we lost the second climber, our ascent became a proper climb. From that point forward, if anyone decided to turn around - we would all have to. There was only one remaining guide, and she had to protect all her climbers, no exceptions - me in the cockpit all over again.

She didn't show it, but 62-year-old Sharon was genuinely frightened. She had realized the same thing I did. If she didn't make it - no one would. Sharon kept climbing. Remember when I was worried she would slow me down?

When the sun starts to rise, everything begins to feel possible again. I don't mean to say that things were hopeless, just that with the sun comes energy and a sense of renewal. Color returns to the landscape, and you can begin to be able to measure your progress concretely. The mountain casts a shadow across the earth, stretching miles. You can't believe that you are contained within that shadow, on the face of such a giant who stands so impossibly tall. Melissa stood there, and I took her picture.

She had turned out to be not an ass hole at all. Where I sought to be her student, she aspired to teach - at once brilliant and kind. Her stride - her sport - a work of art. The precise art of what she calls slow, uphill walking. Her shadow and the shadow of the mountain impressed upon me the power of legends.

As the Roman Wall came into view - I knew we had it. We short rope in and make one last push. If Mt. Baker is a joke from God, the ending of the Roman Wall is its punchline.

Atop the incline awaits a long, easy walk to a haystack peak some few hundred yards in the distance. I was bubbling with emotion as my heart rate settled and the view became clear. There wasn't much difference between where we stood and where we were going. We dropped our packs, unroped, and ran up the summit. I was in tears.

Melissa broke her no-hugs-in-the-pandemic rule and celebrated us each in turn. I snapped countless photos and spent each frozen moment smiling. I pulled Melissa and Sharon in close. I had felt something on my heart and only needed a moment's bravery to share it.

I started awkwardly.

"I'd like to say something to you and Sharon," I muttered, barely audible over the wind, as I tugged on Melissa's sleeve. I grabbed Sharon's arm and pulled her in too. I don't remember the exact thing I said or the exact way in which I said it. I remember pausing to make sure I got it right and wondering for a long time if I managed to do so.

I told them that I had come to the mountain expecting to be impressed by one person. Melissa promised an impressive education - on which she delivered. She is of that rare quality - the kind who’s presence improves you. I came to Baker with that expectation, I confessed, I expected Melissa. I paused before telling Sharon, her gloved hand in mine, “You?” I laughed nervously. “I wasn’t expecting. A 62-year-old woman….” I nodded back to Melissa, “And you, the mother of a 3-year-old…” I didn’t want to get this wrong. “You are two people who our society labels and confines. Yet, here you are - on top of a mountain. I have to tell you….” I was choked up in earnest here and struggled to continue.

"It matters.” I said. “What you do matters. It matters to have an example of what is possible. Both of you have provided that example to me and women like me. Thank you." I sobbed. "I am so grateful for it and grateful for you." Melissa smothered me in her jacket as she embraced me, once again, in a hug. Pandemic be damned. My tears froze. While I expected a "There's no crying in mountaineering" a la Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own (it was a climb of mostly women, after all) the admonishment never came.

Sharon grabbed hold of me next and we shared the alpine view. Before I knew it, we were the last two on the summit. The wind howled a steady cheer. Celebrations concluded, it was time to leave. I stayed for just a moment longer, watching Sharon as she left. They don't make anything more beautiful than a mountain, and it's a view worth savoring. I descended, joyfully, to my team.

I didn't bury Jake up there. In Ashes to Ashes, I told the story of taking my old farm dog's remains to the top of my first volcano. He's not so much a good luck charm as he is an omen of protection. I don't need luck as much as I need safety, and he serves his duty well. Jake stayed with me through our descent to camp. I needed a little protection coming down off the Roman Wall, I thought. I wanted him close until we were off the glacier. He lays now at the foot of my tent—a very good place for a very good dog.

There's a natural mindfulness to climbing. I often find myself living in the present step - not thinking about the route that lies below. You forget in moments that the trip up is accompanied by an equally long and perilous journey down. From the summit, your journey is far from over. Yet, time flies by even as you stop to admire the steam vents. The rainbow that surrounds the sun refracts joy and color the same.

You reach camp, celebrate, pack up. Miles and thousands of feet remain even from there. That's when you realize it's ending and when I realized I didn't want it to end.

We spent the next few miles getting to know each other in earnest, savoring time and mountain views, chatting in the way of long-form hikers - about the nature of things and through storytelling. Melissa regaled us with vulnerable truths and comedic parables. We laughed. I kept sipping at the wells of knowledge around me, drinking in the moments. Laughter distracted from hunger, from wet feet, and from the dull and dim realization that all good things must come to an end. We made our way to the bottom of the mountain. Just like that - we say goodbye.

Sharon drove me back to Grandy's. We chitter like school girls - adrenaline and nostalgia collide in our post-climb delirium. We talk about the future. I realize that we are good friends. I am humbled by just how wrong a person can be to believe something about someone for no good reason.

Mom picks me up, and with her embrace my adventure is over. I’ve come full circle - safe and sound, parked in the lot of Grandy Creek Grocery.

Melissa found us there and knocked on our window.

"Your daughter is really special. The MOST special,” my hero and friend told my mom. Mom beamed with a special pride reserved exclusively for mothers of strong-willed daughters. I had been misreading things - the adventure had only just begun.

There are eight years between Melissa and I. I’m not sure I’ll be chasing Everest in that time, but I know I won’t be finished. I’ve got thirty-three years to catch Sharon at 62. In the mountain blink of sixty-one years, I’ll be as old as my Nana and I hope at least half as wise. Good thing there are so many years - for there is so much left to climb.

[go-scottishgal14]

FINALLY!!!!

Royal aides want Harry and Meghan to give up their titles: Insiders condemn prince's 'disgraceful' podcast attack on family that has left the palace feeling 'bewildered and betrayed'

Palace aides have called on Duke and Duchess of Sussex to give up their titles

Senior courtiers spoke of a growing sense of 'bewilderment and betrayal'

They are particularly incensed by Harry's criticism of Prince Charles's parenting

By CAROLINE GRAHAM FOR THE MAIL ON SUNDAY

PUBLISHED: 22:14, 15 May 2021 | UPDATED: 22:52, 15 May 2021

Palace aides have called on the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to give up their titles following Prince Harry's latest 'disgraceful' assault on the Royal Family.

In a withering condemnation of the couple's continued attacks on the Royals, senior courtiers told The Mail on Sunday of a growing sense of 'bewilderment and betrayal'.

They are particularly incensed over Harry's 'shocking' criticism of Prince Charles's parenting skills and, by implication, those of the Queen and the late Prince Philip.

Dailymail.co.uk: News, Sport, Showbiz, Celebrities from Daily MailPauseNext video1:07 / 1:51SettingsFull-screenRead More

'People are appalled that he could do this to the Queen when the Duke of Edinburgh is barely in his grave,' said one aide. 'To drag his grandfather into this is so shocking and disrespectful.

The Duke of Sussex waves to the crowds as he appears on stage at the Global Citizen VAX LIVE concert this month

Meghan Markle spoke to viewers of the Vax Live concert during her first TV appearance since the Oprah Winfrey interview

'The Duke of Sussex has now spent a significant amount of time emphasising that he's no different to anyone else and attacking the institution which he says has caused him so much pain. There is a growing feeling that if you dislike the institution that much, you shouldn't have the titles.'

Laying bare the toxicity that now exists between the Sussexes and the wider Royal Family, another source said: 'They should put the titles into abeyance, so they still exist, but are not used, like they agreed to do with their HRHs.

'They should just become Harry and Meghan. And if they refuse to do that, they have to explain why not.'

While it is understood that no formal moves are planned to strip the couple of their titles, the pressure for them to be relinquished demonstrates how deep the sense of betrayal has become in the Palace.

His latest outburst means tensions are expected to be high when Harry returns to Britain for the unveiling of a new statue of his mother, Princess Diana, on July 1.

Harry has left senior Royals baffled by his 'woeful lack of compassion' in the expletive-filled 90-minute interview last week with actor and podcaster Dax Shepard.

In particular, there is fury that he spoke out just a month after his grandfather's funeral.

Palace aides have called on Duke and Duchess of Sussex to give up their titles

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex wave to the crowds after their wedding at St George's Chapel in Windsor Castle

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, Prince Harry, Prince Charles and Prince William attending a requiem mass for Hugh van Cutsem at Brentwood Cathedral in 2013

The 36-year-old says he and Meghan, who are expecting their second child, moved to the millionaires' enclave of Montecito in California to break the cycle of 'genetic pain'.

'He's treated me the way that he was treated,' he said of his father. 'There's a lot of genetic pain and suffering that gets passed on anyway. Isn't life about breaking the cycle? There's no blame.

'But certainly when it comes to parenting, if I have experienced some kind of pain or suffering because of the pain or suffering that, perhaps, my father or my parents had suffered, I'm going to make sure I break that cycle so I don't pass it on.'

Referring to his father's 'unhappy' time at Gordonstoun school in Scotland – which Charles described as 'Colditz in kilts' – Harry added: 'Suddenly I started to piece it all together and go, OK, so this is where he went to school.

'This is what happened. I know this bit about his life. I also know that's connected to his parents. So that means that he's treated me the way that he was treated, which means how can I change that for my own kids?'

He compared life in The Firm to 'a mixture between The Truman Show and being in a zoo' – a reference to the 1998 Jim Carrey film about a man who is oblivious to the fact that his entire life is a TV show.

'I've seen behind the curtain,' he added. 'I've seen the business model. I know how this operation runs… I don't want to be part of this.'

The Queen, Prince Philip and Prince Charles attending the wedding of Princess Eugenie at St. George's Chapel in Windsor in 2018

Prince Harry speaks at the Global Citizen: VAX Live concert on May 8, 2021

Prince Charles walks behind the Duke of Edinburgh's coffin during his funeral last month

The cherish titles given to Harry by the Queen on his wedding day

Harry may be under pressure to relinquish his dukedom – but there is no suggestion the Queen would strip him of it.

She conferred on him the titles of Duke of Sussex, Earl of Dumbarton and Baron Kilkeel on his wedding day in 2018.

Were he to give those up, he would revert to HRH Prince Henry of Wales and Meghan would become HRH Princess Henry of Wales. As sixth in line to the throne, the title of Prince is his birthright, although he could choose not to use it.

When the couple decided they would no longer represent the Queen in an official capacity, they were allowed to retain their Royal titles and HRH styles, although they agreed not to use the latter.

Harry’s late mother, Princess Diana, agreed to give up her HRH title when she and Prince Charles divorced, but when Harry and Meghan stepped back as working Royals, Palace officials reportedly felt the loss of HRH would appear too ‘punitive’.

Similar concerns led Palace sources to suggest that the Queen is unlikely to remove the dukedom, particularly as it was a wedding gift.

The last occasion when a senior member of the Royal Family had titles removed was after the abdication crisis of 1936 when Edward VIII was given the title of HRH the Duke of Windsor.

Rules around the HRH style were set in Letters Patent issued by George V in 1917.

In them, he stipulated that the son of the son of a Monarch is HRH and so, by convention, is his spouse. Monarchs are, however, free to change the rules.

The Queen issued fresh Letters Patent in 1996 to remove HRH from those who had acquired it on marrying into the family and who then got divorced, namely the Princess of Wales and the Duchess of York.

It was not done out of spite – Diana had already volunteered to lose her HRH style – but of the principle that Royal status acquired on marriage would disappear if that union was dissolved.

His comments have torpedoed hopes that his reunion with Charles and Prince William at the Duke of Edinburgh's funeral last month could bring a reconciliation after the Oprah Winfrey interview in which he and Meghan accused the Royal Family of institutional racism and refusing to help the Duchess when she was suicidal.

Harry also used the interview with the US chat show host in March to describe how he felt 'really let down' by his father who, he claimed, had refused to take his calls after Megxit.

But a close friend of Charles last night said: 'If you follow Harry's logic and treat the Royals just as ordinary people, then the Prince is a single parent who's been doing his best for years.

Can you imagine how it feels to have that effort judged so harshly, so publicly?

'Harry talks about compassion. But where is the compassion for his father? Where is your compassion for your own family who have just buried a much-loved member?

And where is your compassion for your grandmother who has just lost the man she's loved all her life?'

Harry and Meghan agreed not to use their HRH titles when they stepped back as working members of the Royal Family, but have used Duke and Duchess on the money-spinning projects they have launched since moving to the US, including multi-million-pound deals with Netflix and Spotify.

'Their titles are obviously their biggest selling point here,' said one Hollywood producer.

'Without them they are just A-list celebrities like George Clooney. Their attractiveness is based on the allure of those titles.'

Royal aides have expressed concern that the couple have lost touch with reality by continually focusing on themselves when millions of people have lost jobs and loved-ones during the pandemic.

During last week's Armchair Expert podcast, Harry said he did not view his comments as 'complaining' but instead sharing a vulnerability that would have a 'positive impact' on others struggling with mental illness.

But another Royal source said: 'When people have lost jobs and loved ones, it's really not the time to be preaching from your £11 million home about how the rest of us should live.'

Royal aides have previously spoken of a 'genuine desire' to build bridges with the Sussexes, but noted that 'it's impossible to rebuild something while someone keeps chopping it down'.

Harry had appeared on the podcast to promote The Me You Can't See, a mental health series he has produced with Ms Winfrey, and which launches on Apple TV+ on Friday.

During the interview, he said he felt a deeper connection 'to the emotionally free and systemic free people' he worked with in Africa and within the Commonwealth than those he met within the confines of the Palace.

Last night, a Royal aide said: 'If that is what he truly believes then why not give up the titles?'

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are facing a storm over a deal with US firm Procter & Gamble that sells 'racist' skin whitening cream

By Mark Hookham and Mary Ellen Synon for the Mail on Sunday  

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex face questions over their partnership with an American cosmetics firm that makes tens of millions of pounds a year selling 'racist' skin-whitening creams.

Meghan and Harry last week announced their Archewell Foundation had signed a 'global partnership' with US multi-national Procter & Gamble (P&G) to 'build more compassionate communities'.

But the deal has thrown a spotlight on P&G's hugely controversial sale in Asia and Africa of skin-lightening creams, which reduce the concentration or production of melanin – the natural pigment that gives human skin its colour.

Campaigners have demanded that P&G and other major firms stop selling such creams.

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex face questions over their partnership with an American cosmetics firm

They say the products fuel a 'toxic belief' that 'a person's worth is measured by the colour of their skin' and that light skin is better than dark.

An investigation by The Mail on Sunday has found that Olay – a major P&G skincare brand – sells White Radiance moisturiser in India, Malaysia and Singapore.

In India, the product is said to lighten skin tone and deliver 'radiant and brighter skin'.

In the Philippines, P&G sells Olay White Radiance Light Perfecting Essence, which 'inhibits melanin formation in the deepest layer of skin'. In Lagos, Nigeria, an MoS reporter last week bought Olay Natural White cream, which promises 'pinkish fairness'.

Alex Malouf, a former P&G executive, said Meghan and Harry will come under pressure to say whether they support the sale of such products.

'Meghan has talked a lot about the issue of race and racism, so this does stick out like a sore thumb,' Mr Malouf said.

It comes as:

Harry and Meghan faced calls to scrap their deal with P&G because one of its biggest suppliers of palm oil – FGV Holdings – has been accused of exploiting and abusing workers in Malaysia;

P&G was also lambasted for its role in the destruction of large swathes of virgin forest in Canada to make loo roll. It is claimed the company buys an estimated 490,000 tons of wood pulp a year from Canada's boreal forest;

A study by a major US environmental organisation found that suppliers of wood pulp from the forest were cutting down the habitat of the woodland caribou, an 'at-risk' species of reindeer.

Prince Harry has been outspoken on environmental and wildlife issues. Worth an estimated £6 billion a year, the skin-lightening industry is booming thanks to growing demand in Asia and Africa.

But cosmetic firms have faced mounting pressure amid the growth of the Black Lives Matter movement and claims that the use of such products is deeply rooted in colonial history.

Last year, following an investigation by the website Buzzfeed, Johnson & Johnson said it was dropping its Fine Fairness line, which was available in Asia and the Middle East.

The L'Oreal Group announced plans to remove 'white/whitening', 'fair/fairness' and 'light/lightening' from the names of its products, while Unilever announced plans to rename Fair & Lovely – a popular brand in India.

An investigation by The Mail on Sunday has found that Olay – a major P&G skincare brand – sells White Radiance moisturiser in India, Malaysia and Singapore. Pictured: Two of the whitening products sold by Procter and Gamble

But P&G has continued to sell the popular White Radiance and Natural White products via its Olay brand. Olay has defended such products by comparing them to tanners or make-up.

One woman who runs a beauty shop in Lagos, sold the reporter two jars of Olay Natural White on Friday afternoon. The packaging said the product had been made in Thailand and it promised 'an extraordinary pinkish fairness'.

'This cream protects you against the sun, lightens your skin,' she said. 'It will reduce spots and give you a lovely skin tone.' In India, P&G sells Olay Natural White 7 in one glowing fairness cream.

Olay's website says the cream brightens skin tone and contains niacinamide, a skin lightening compound.

Nina Davuluri, 32, the first Indian-American to win Miss America, said skin-whitening products sell a 'racist' ideology 'that you need white skin to be beautiful, you need white skin to be successful'.

She has been fighting so-called 'colourism' – discrimination based on skin colour – since she saw a headline in an Indian newspaper which asked, 'Is Miss America too dark to be Miss India' after she won the title in 2014.

Miss Davuluri last year launched an online petition urging P&G, Unilever, L'Oreal and Johnson & Johnson to stop selling whitening creams.

The petition states: 'They are sending the message that people are 'less than' because they are dark. That they are not enough because of the colour of their skin. That they are not seen, valued, or heard. This is racism.'

She said last night she was shocked that P&G had not done more to address the issue.

Campaigner Kavitha Emmanuel said she founded India's Dark Is Beautiful campaign in 2009 to 'address the toxic belief that a person's worth is measured by the colour of their skin'.

She added: 'That is the toxic belief that these brands, through their advertisements seem to be propagating.'

Joanne Rondilla, a professor at San Jose State University who has researched skin-lightening in the Philippines, said Harry and Meghan had a 'responsibility' to voice concerns about these products with P&G.

'Like everyone else around the world, I saw that interview with Oprah that Meghan did,' she added. 'It was important for her to bring up these issues of colourism. I don't think this partnership advances that conversation.'

Robin Averbeck, of the Rainforest Action Network, a US environment organisation, called on the Duke and Duchess to end their relationship with P&G because of the firm's links with FGV Holdings.

'The fact that P&G has continued to be complicit in human rights abuses, in environmental devastation, is reason enough why this partnership shouldn't be formed or shouldn't continue. It showed that full due diligence on the company was not done.'

The Archewell Foundation has said its partnership with P&G will focus on 'gender equality, more inclusive online spaces, and resilience and impact through sport'.

P&G did not respond to questions about its skin-whitening creams, the US ban on imports from FGV Holdings or its use of wood pulp from Canada.

But in a statement, it said: 'At P&G, we are committed to doing the right thing across all aspects of our business – without exception. Doing more and doing better is important for us all – for our company, in our communities and for our planet.

[gordonwilliamsweb]

If You Are Vaccinated, You Can Dance the Night Away

Marissa Castrigno was walking through downtown Wilmington, North Carolina, when she spotted the sign in the window of one of her favorite dance clubs. After months of being shuttered by the pandemic, Ibiza Nightclub was reopening April 30, it announced.

This story also ran on Raleigh News & Observer. It can be republished for free.

Thrilled, Castrigno immediately made plans with friends to be there.

About 50 miles north in Jacksonville, Kennedy Swift learned of Ibiza’s reopening on social media. He, too, decided to attend with friends.

But on the night of April 30, the two groups were in for a surprise — one they would react to in starkly different ways.

In addition to IDs, they learned, they’d need to show covid-19 vaccination cards for entry. The club was letting in only people who had had at least one shot.

“I was shocked,” said Swift, 21. He learned of the policy a few hours before the reopening, when the club posted it on its Facebook page.

He and his friends had to cancel their plans, since none of them was vaccinated.

“I’m not against [Ibiza] exercising their rights as a business,” Swift said. “I just think it’s foolish. … This will discourage a lot of former patrons from returning to the club.”

On the other hand, Castrigno and her friends, most of whom had been fully vaccinated since early April, felt the policy made their return to nightlife even better.

“There was raw excitement about going out to a place and feeling safe,” said Castrigno, 28.

Similar conversations are playing out across the country as vaccination rates increase and bars, clubs and other businesses navigate how to reopen. The concept of vaccine passports — which allow people who have been inoculated against covid and are at lower risk of contracting or spreading the disease to participate in certain activities — has been floated for clubs, cruise ships and other spaces where large groups gather in close quarters. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s recent announcement that vaccinated people can safely gather indoors and outdoors without masks has reignited the idea. Yet these passports remain highly controversial and their implementation is largely piecemeal. Many private businesses are making their own decisions, and governments in different parts of the country are adopting varying stances.

In New York, for instance, Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced in early May that places where proof of vaccination or a negative covid test are required can operate at a greater capacity. Some nightclubs there have implemented policies similar to Ibiza’s. In Florida, however, Gov. Ron DeSantis recently signed a law prohibiting businesses, schools and government offices from requiring proof of vaccination, with fines of up to $5,000 per incident.

For Ibiza Nightclub in southeastern North Carolina — a political battleground state — the vaccine card requirement is proving to be a lightning rod. The club’s Facebook post announcing the policy had sparked 70 comments as of mid-May, and posts across other platforms echoed different sides of the issue.

“I am thrilled to see a personal business putting the health and safety forward in order to keep their business running,” one comment read.

Others took a markedly different tone: “This is pretty dumb!”

“Discrimination, expect lawsuits,” read another.

The Honor Code

Last week, after the CDC said vaccinated adults could largely live their lives mask-free, Raleigh restaurant owner Hisine McNeill felt a troubling pang of déjà vu. He owns Alpha Dawgs, a sandwich shop in southeast Raleigh, and said small businesses like his carried the burden of mask enforcement for much of the pandemic. Now, he said, they’re tasked with trusting adults who say they’ve been vaccinated. He isn’t ready to do that.

“I don’t have the luxury of taking chances on an honor code,” McNeill said. “If I have an outbreak because someone didn’t wear a mask and have to close down, who’s going to help keep me open?”

McNeill opened Alpha Dawgs in 2018 and, like most restaurateurs, he said, struggled through the pandemic, professionally and personally. He said he has lost friends and family members and doesn’t believe the pandemic is over.

“I know people personally in the ICU still recovering from [covid],” McNeill said. “I don’t need any more examples about how serious this is.”

So McNeill posted a new requirement on the restaurant’s Facebook page. He asked everyone to continue wearing masks unless they were prepared to show him a vaccine card.

“To whom it may concern,” McNeill wrote. “If you decide to come into my establishment claiming that you are fully vaccinated, I WILL ASK TO SEE YOUR CARD. If you don’t want to provide it then you will have to wear a mask in my store. And if you still don’t want to comply with either then I have the right to deny service. Thank you for your cooperation.”

The day after he posted that statement, North Carolina Gov. Roy Cooper eased most covid-related restrictions in the state, including its mask mandate. The Alpha Dawgs post stirred some online debate over masks and vaccinations and led to a few responses, including one from the Raleigh Republican Club.

“Should you be in the area…,” it read. “Eat somewhere else….”

McNeill felt the Raleigh Republican Club was calling for a boycott. Afterward, he noticed multiple one-star reviews pop up on Google, not from people who had been to the restaurant, but people accusing McNeill of discrimination.

“This is not political for me, this is a personal belief,” McNeill said. “I have an 85-year-old grandmother I see every other week. I’m going to make sure she’s protected.”

Raleigh Republican Club board member Guy Smith said the group’s post was written collectively, but he didn’t see it as a call for a boycott.

“Our philosophical position is it’s his business, the owner can choose to do what they choose to do within the confines of the individual business,” Smith said. “Our philosophical position is, to demand someone to demonstrate they’re vaccinated with a card, we think that’s out of bounds.”

Smith said the group also condemns writing bogus reviews of a business.

McNeill said Alpha Dawgs’ business has not suffered from the online dust-up.

“I haven’t had any problems,” McNeill said. “Only the online harassment.”

The Nightclub Expected Opposition

Charles Smith, general manager of the club, said he knew the policy would garner backlash, but “we’ve always put the health and safety of both staff and our patrons, and their families, first.”

Since opening as a gay bar in 2001, Ibiza has been a pillar of the LGBTQ community in Wilmington. Although its clientele has expanded over time, it’s still known for drag shows on Friday nights.

Last year, the club shut down March 12, about a week before Gov. Cooper ordered all North Carolina bars and restaurants to stop dine-in service. Ibiza remained shuttered for 14 months, using the time to renovate, Smith said, and leaning on federal and state assistance for small businesses.

When it came to reopening, he said, “the question was: How do we provide the absolute safest experience alongside the nightlife experience we’ve been known for?”

It wouldn’t be easy. Nightclubs are a perfect cocktail of covid risks: lots of people socializing and dancing in close quarters. Alcohol lowering inhibitions. Music forcing people to speak louder, releasing more droplets into the air.

“The concept of social distancing in a nightclub is an oxymoron,” Smith said. And the club’s staff didn’t want to be “the police of nightlife,” trying to separate people on the dance floor, he added.

The safest option, it seemed, was to require people to be vaccinated.

The club waited till all adults in the state were eligible for vaccines before reopening. 

Now Ibiza requires patrons to present their vaccine cards or photos of the cards for entry. On reopening night, the club asked customers to wear masks and limited its capacity to 50%, per an executive order from the governor. But as of May 14, the state lifted its capacity restrictions and masking requirements.

Castrigno, who’d been looking forward to that night for weeks since she saw the sign in the club’s window, said it was “the most jubilant I’d ever seen Ibiza.” Several performers put on a drag show. Customers took turns dancing on poles. Some people wore masks with rhinestones to match their outfits, she said.

She wasn’t surprised that many people took the vaccine requirement in stride. “Queer people are well versed in the risks of public health crisis and protecting the community,” she said, referring to the AIDS crisis, which devastated the community in the ’80s and ’90s.

For James Colucci, who has been a customer since 2016, supporting Ibiza’s vaccine policy is about protecting the club’s employees. Some of them have “spearheaded the [LGBTQ] movement, so we can get together and have events like this,” he said.

But others say the policy is discriminatory and injects the nightclub into people’s personal health care decisions.

Joey Askew, a 37-year-old from Greenville, wrote on Ibiza’s Facebook page, “I’ll never go back to this club until they lift this mandate!!”

In an interview with KHN, Askew said he’s not ready to get the vaccine because there haven’t been lifetime studies of recipients to determine long-term side effects. He’s willing to wear a mask and maintain physical distance, but a vaccine requirement goes too far.

“A mask is something I can buy from anywhere and take off whenever I choose,” he said. “But I can’t take a vaccine out. It’s a permanent choice that [the club] is involving themselves in, and it’s not their place.”

In between the people condemning the club’s policy and those applauding it are many who are conflicted.

Mark Russell, 29, is a nurse in Washington, D.C., who cares for covid patients and contracted covid last year. He plans on visiting Ibiza Nightclub in late May while attending a small wedding in North Carolina where everyone will be vaccinated.

The club’s policy makes him feel safer, Russell said. But he also worries about its effect on people of color, who in many places have faced barriers to vaccination.

“It’s a battle in my own brain, thinking those two things,” Russell said.

For Heidi Martek, 55, the policy raised a personal question. “What about those who can’t get the vaccine?” she wrote on Ibiza’s Facebook page.

She has an autoimmune disease, making her body hypersensitive to any vaccine, Martek said, even the flu shot.

But when commenters on Facebook suggested she sue the club, Martek pushed back. The club is facing difficult choices, she told KHN, and there’s no right answer.

“Whether I can go in or not, I support them,” said Martek, who’s been a patron at Ibiza for six years.

She wants the club to survive the pandemic, unlike other establishments that have closed in the past year.

“It’s not like Wilmington is overwhelmed with LGBTQ clubs,” Martek said. “Ibiza is really important.”

News & Observer reporter Drew Jackson contributed to this story.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

If You Are Vaccinated, You Can Dance the Night Away published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/