#which is so understandable idk how i didnt get bullied

[scrombit]

ok danny phantom posts again !!!! i have not lost my unreasonable obsession with this show, fear not. also if the brightness of the image is too low i understand so MUCH, my ipad has a really bright screen and u could not get me to fix my mistakes for a billions bucks

oh and the not invert one if its radder or smth !!

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,

if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."

i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,

i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason

[archrries]

Asking my mom about her disability so I can give you all pretty accurate information on Viktor o7

She has post-polio, and has a leg brace like he does. So for all your "could Viktor do this?" questions, I go to my mother ♡ He most likely has a combination of things, but definitely seems to have post-polio. So yes, other things could stop him from these activities but overall, this is a swing at how it works for this aspect of his life.

What I know as of now about Viktor, most likely,

- could skateboard

- could drive a motorcycle

- drive a car (has to use good leg to press on pedals)

- does NOT sleep with the leg brace on

- dead silent when he takes the brace off

- my mom played sports that involved throwing more than running (softball (pitcher), volleyball, she did try out for football at some point but the coach didnt want a girl trying out)

- sigh...yes...he can do the deed without breaking a fucking hip. He isnt made of glass. Im not going into detail on this one thanks

- roller skating

- shoot a gun (idk why this is debated)(also though i will say that for some guns, the kick is too strong. The entire body is effected by polio, its just most severe in some parts like his leg)

- ice skating!!! I know this is a hot debate, she has gone ice skating

Ill ask my mom about more if you have any specific questions 👍

More info edit:

My Mom's leg has unfortunately gotten worse, which is nothing new considering it's been worsening her entire life, but this means her heel bone is now digging through the skin and muscle of her foot. She will be getting surgery to shave the bone down and hopefully that will help her to walk better on it again once it's healed. Take that as you will in reference to Viktor and his worsening condition. She has told me several times that she is in a lot of pain, which she typically does not vocalize.

- can carry kids around for short periods of time (she babysits my nieces and nephews constantly)

- can HAVE kids for that matter (for all your trans and mpreg needs 😭) though this certainly was a toll on her body even back when she was younger

- maybe this is just specific to her but every single time something gets mentioned that could even POSSIBLY be polio, she gets worried. I mentioned my little cousin being sick and suddenly not able to walk on her own (she is doing okay right now, no pain) and she instantly asked if she had drunk any dirty water (where polio is most commonly found) She freaked when my sister was born with a little wonky leg even though it's 1) not passed down from mother to child and 2) fixed itswlf within a month. All my siblings were immediately vaccinated for polio as well as other major things, though she gets very nervous about new vaccines because she got it from the polio vaccine which contained the live virus at the time (no longer used) She did not want me vaccinated for covid or HPV because of this worry.

- When she gets sick, she gets sick BAD. Last time she was sick, she was in a fever state for three days and doesn't remember a single thing.

- Fear of death, judgement, or being arrested has never really affected her. She has a DNR (which I'm not a fan of, but I understand if shit goes wrong, she doesn't want to be resuscitated just to experience way more pain), she's always lived on the crazy side but stopped once she had kids (I mean used to ride her motorcycle like she was trying to speed run death), always tells me I need to stop caring what people think cause she stopped giving a shit early on with all the bullying, she has in fact pulled a gun on a man for hurting me and the ONLY reason I think she didn't pull that trigger is because there was someone else in the way, she actively encourages cops, security, etc to try and stop her when it comes to the safety of her family (she most recently started shit with staff because my nephew broke his arm at school and no one will tell her what happened)

- She handles her farm pretty much alone. Chickens, ducks, goats, sheep, rabbits, turkeys. And I'm so sorry to say they are both long term and short stay animals....We only name pets. Anything without a name is sent to freezer camp 😭

- Which leads me to tell you she is a butcher, and has always hung up meat and quartered it herself. She also hunts, so she does it with venison too. Plus we try and use as much of the animal as possible as to respect it. So that's butchering, tanning hides, cleaning off bones, making twine.

- She loves to lie about what happened to her leg. Her favorite for kids is that she's a cyborg or a transformer. Most adults just assume military and she doesn't tell them otherwise. She used to tell ppl for a while that she jumped out of one of the towers on 9/11.......💀 crazy since she was born and raised in New York

[maeking15]

little rant about Snape

okay so I was reading Oh God not again which is a harry potter retelling but harry is an adult in his 11 year old body and it retells his school years; it's really good and you can read it on Ao3 or wattpad, idk if it's on other platforms.

so I was reading it on wattpad bc I couldn't log into my ao3 account and you can comment on wattpad and about 5 months ago I commented on this paragraph:

and I commented that 'apparently an uncommon opinion but Snape is a piece of shit and I don't understand how people like him'. someone else commented on it agreeing with me and as I'm thinking about it, I had to add to it.

I personally will never see how people can like Snape. This man was a child abuser, obsessed over lily, BULLIED 11 YEAR OLDS. and if that is not enough idk what is. and people saying 'Oh but he was mentally ill' SO WAS REMUS, REMUS WAS LITERALLY A WEREWOLF BUT HE DIDN'T BULLY 11 YEAR OLDS.

not to mention that Snape literally hated on 11 year olds all because he looked like james, who Snape only hated because of the prank that james saved him from (and no I am not saying this is the only reason Snape hated james but it is the main one of many). But then Snape has the audacity to look into Harry's eyes before Snape does so that he can die looking into 'lily's eyes'. SNAPE WAS NOT IN LOVE WITH LILY HE WAS OBSESSED WITH HER. and then jk Rowling portrays Snape as a character who wanted to protect harry all along. NO HE FUCKING DIDNT.

and anyone that says that if I'm hating on Snape so much and why im not hating on james this is why:

James:

was a bully

jinxed people when he was bored and laughed

was absolutely okay about remus being a werwolf

became an illegal animagus with his friends so remus wouldn't be alone on full moons

realised he was a dick

changed for the better

became more mature

loved his wife and son

joined the order to protect his family

went to stop the dark lord himself without a wand to let his wife and son escape

Snape:

believed muggle-borns were inferior

called his only friend a slur

told voldermort about the prophecy bc he was fine with an infant being murdered

threw a strop when he realised that it would involve hurting lily

begged the dark lord to leave the girl unharmed

didn't give a flying fuck about an infant or lily's husband if she was able to live

cried to dumbledore when things were going wrong with voldy

bullied harry simply because he looked like a guy he didn't like

bullied nevile because he needed more help with potions

bullied hermione about her teeth so much that when she needed to get them fixed, she didn't tell poppy to stop until they were a 'normal length'

bullied nevile to the point his worst fear was Snape and not the woman that TORTURED HIS PARENTS TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY

threatened to poison trevor

Told everyone Lupin was a werewolf, and intended to get him fired

Knew that Sirius didn't tell Voldemort the Potters' location (I could explain how but I can't bother now) but still wanted him to get a dementor's kiss bc of what happened when they were 16

Helped Harry in the end

so yeah Snape is a shitty person and he is worse than james

[ilsea]

So i need to vent about this so: i was on twitter and i saw a thread of this op where they talked about this particular video about weak hero saying lines like “…Sieun bullying was that not deep to give him such a bad trauma respond” which made me question two things: did they paid attention to the actual story (both season) and what they mean with the “its not that deep” part.

Sieun, like many characters in the series, have many traumas in many different way such as like: neglecting parents, be isolated (which we see more him being isolated in season 1 as a way to not know how to interact with people), getting drugged by a classmate, having and seeing your friend getting hurt and hospitalised—and many other traumas we all know he has and we dont need the actual list of it.

But like op (the one who made the thread) made such a good job saying how bad those traumas are, how deeply impacted Sieun in a way we see through all season 2 with the constant remainder of what happen to his friends in season one (mind you, i say about both Suho and Beomseok but even Younji who was still a friend of Sieun in a more light way in comparison to the boys) and how he not only understand that he has no fault of what happened in season one but also that he need friends, he has friends and he should speak and raise his own voice/mind.

Some other people on twitter saw the video and said that is actually because we know, as a fandom, have locals/normies? into the fandom and now we see people who didnt actually grew in a fandom and doesn’t know the proper etiquette (like i saw people saying shipping Suho/Sieun was wrong??? Or just having queer ships in the series was wrong??). And honestly i dont know because i see such a difference in the tumblr one, twitter and the tiktok one; i dont know if is a generational thing? I actually dont know but i want someone to speak about this because im finding the fandom totally changed (idk if is in a good or bad way) and even people how they interact with the product is totally different than what i was used to.

[lobotomy-lady]

How did you figure out you were autistic? I know this is gonna sound ignorant because I am ignorant but from my very limited interactions with those on the spectrum you act pretty differently. You are heavily sarcastic and seem to understand when someone is joking in your asks versus not even over text. Idk. I know there's like levels and stuff but you seem pretty socially aware and funnier than most so now I'm just like what makes you different from a neurotypical? I tried googling about autism and it seems a lot of high functioning people have like sensory issues and are picky eaters but like, is that it ? Just curious

I am not self dx so I never "figured it out", I was diagnosed aspergers (back when that was the dx for high functioning tism) when I was 6, my mom took me to a psychiatrist. at that time I was selectively mute-ppl at school thought I was incapable of speech bc between ages 4 to 9 didnt talk at all except at home to family. I had frequent meltdowns due to emotional regulation problems and also cuz of severe sensory issues (sound, the feel of clothing which led me to wear the same outfit every day for years, temperature). Even when I started talking a little more at school I was TERRIBLE socially. I was made fun of constantly & didn't get what i was doing wrong but they always thought I was weird & they thought it was funny that I didn't understand that I was being made fun of until they started laughing & even then i didnt get what i was doing wrong. It didnt help that i was 5'9 and 140 pounds by age 9 I was very aware I stood out a lot both physically & behaviorally

So yeah like most kids on the spectrum I was bullied relentlessly for the childhood years due to my social ineptitude and general awkwardness & it continued until I managed to group in w/ the other unpopular "weird" girls with bad social skills in junior high. Still friends with some of them. So i wasnt as much of a target then tho I was still gossiped about, ppl started a rumor that I never bathed due to my habit of wearing the same thing every day (I had multiple versions of that outfit but not as if they would know). Special interests were a huge thing too obv. I read probably 8 hrs a day mostly books related to space or when I was younger dolphins.

But anyways, bc of my experiences when I was younger I knew I had to learn to assimilate, or mask as I later learned it was called. I studied that shit like it was my PhD. I learned how to talk enough (but not too much!) I learned how to make eye contact (but not too much!!), learned how to be playful but not be rude, learned to run to a bathroom before having a meltdown in public, learned to buy different clothes out of similar material, to not be seen eating the same exact food every day for months. Learned how to not infodump about an interest unless I knew the person cared about it. I had learned most of this well enough by halfway through high school to stop being seen as a total freak, & by adulthood I was not only not BAD at socializing but actually GOOD at it, tho it still was (and is) exhausting & requires a lot of recovery time alone.

Anyways tldr basically my point is the person you perceive now was constructed out of necessity to avoid being a pariah forever which is what I knew would happen if I didnt change. I was an autistic kid & now I'm an adult who very easily passes as allistic. I've been doing it so long that most of it doesn't take much effort anymore. I've always been good at learning things. sarcasm and humor can be learned & I've been at this awhile needless to say

[purpurussy]

i agree with literally all ur thoughts on the i hate my wife bit!!! like for me it just boils down to the jokes not being funny, especially in the context of the show!! like dan "hating" is funny when phil is there because dan's visceral fondness for phil as he's saying he hates him is what makes the jokes funny. it being something to keep us at bay stops making sense when phil is not there!!! and i think it feels more jarring then it would have in the past because they have just been so insanely fond and soft recently that this sorta feels out of left field. i've seen people say other ppl are mad bc we think dan actually hates phil or that we think phil needs protecting but its just that the joke isn't funny

sorry im just seeing this now, idk why i didnt see it in my notifs on mobile! just saw it when i switched to desktop my b. hot takes under the cut

yeah i think an issue is that people are referring to different things when we talk about the "i hate phil" bit. "you stupid bitch 😍 who i hate 🥰🥰🥰" still makes me smile even to just think about it sldkjfdlkjf that was a great moment and im not talking about that kind of humor, im referring to more of the wad-style "love is just when you give someone mediocre orgasms so they make you feel wanted" type humor ldsflsdkfjlk i am so over that kind of energy it really just isn't that funny to me even if it is ironic. and i still haven't listened to the tommyinnit show lol but from what i gathered the dan part in that show was about rejecting that kind of humor and being more sincerely nice to both himself and those around him, which i love to see (i know that was ultimately the point of wad as well but we had to sit through a hell of a lot of "love isn't real" jokes to get there). i do suspect it was tommy's idea to go with that persona for dan since he was probably basing his concept for dan's part on wad hence why it was a bit wad-coded

i obviously don't think they've ever been serious when they say they hate each other, obviously it's always been a bit, but i'm hoping they'll continue on the trajectory of being sweet to each other on camera. or like being "mean" in a way that's literally just flirting dksjfdsjkhf. this is a controversial take clearly, but the way dan talked/acted in some early videos makes me slightly uncomfortable i know it's not that serious !!! but still it's kinda like why are you physically attacking that man 😭 like chill lmao i know it's because he was a hyperactive teenager trying to over-compensate for his internalized homophobia but when i see that kind of energy im just like "don't worry guys it'll get better one day" 💀

i was also thinking last night about how it's impossible for them to be sincerely affectionate towards each other on camera without sharing a part of their relationship which they maybe don't want to share. hence why we've seen them fucking and sucking on stage but we still haven't seen a proper phan hug. and i think they also genuinely do have the kind of relationship where they're always casually bullying/teasing each other lmao that's completely fine, nothing wrong with that as long as nobody is actually getting their feelings hurt, which clearly they aren't because they obviously understand each other's boundaries perfectly by this point. i just don't think using early videos of theirs is necessarily a good example of a healthy relationship dynamic. im sure they were fine, it certainly worked out in the end at the very least, but at the same time the energy in some of those early closeted vids is just a bit much for me in current era icl. like im not sitting there going "oh my god i cant believe dan is actually an abusive monster and he hates phil", it's just mildly annoying to me lksjldkfjslkf

[sneppu]

uhhh idk lily thoughts (I'm about to spew critical rambling bullshit, big sorry. these things are my badly worded opinions and nothing else.)

thinkin bout how my feelings for Lily are so complicated tbh.. in canon, I cannot like her. I just can't. The disconnect between what the narrative tries to tell us about her and the reality of who she is and what she does are just too jarring to me. for all that she's meant to be a paragon of virtue and goodness, her actions and choices come across wrong and off and bad in a way that is visceral to me, as someone who has been bullied and sexually assaulted myself. And to clarify, I'm not talking about her breaking off her friendship with Severus; she had every right to do that, and I dont think I've seen a single Snape fan actually seriously state otherwise - but because she *knowingly and deliberately chose to get with an abusive bully.* That she and Snape were no longer friends is irrelevant to me. I understand not everyone feels this way, and that's fine. But It's important to me, and so it carries weight to me. The implications are just too offputting to me, and yes, I am biased. Snape is my favorite little guy, after all. I dont pretend otherwise. To each their own, and she, as written in canon, is certainly not for me, historical context and location be damned.

So i can't like her in canon. If anything, I cant help but feel acute resentment for her character, because it feels almost like betrayal to be told "here is a perfect and good person" and then get.. that. Ironically, I would like her a whole lot more if the narrative didnt try insist on her goodness and instead was just like "actually, ngl she was kinda shitty sometimes. questionable as hell. she was a bit of a gremlin and a little bit fucked up" because then it would feel honest. she would no longer feel like a hypocrite to me, and then those moments of kindness would carry more weight, would feel more meaningful. Her actions would be more believable, would feel more nuanced and I would maybe even love her.

...and that, ultimately is what my problem with her is. she has all the potential to be such an interesting character, but she instead falls short of being a full character at all. it's not her fault; this is a jkr skill issue (and her portrayal of female characters in general leaves A Lot to be desired.), so in the end i'm not too pressed.

its exactly why i like Lily so much more in the context of fanworks. Canon lily? offputting. An incomplete character. but fanfic lily? such potential! she could *actually* be the good person she was meant to be and make different choices or at very least have reasoning that makes more sense! or she could go a new direction entirely and be an absolute gremlin menace alongside Snape and in the process, add more interest and nuance that way! all of these things are enjoyable, and for this reason i cannot say I truly hate her - because I do love her so so much when people make her their own and make her make sense, to do her justice and preserve what - i think - would have been that spark that brought Severus and Lily together in the firstplace - whether it be genuine kindness, or a friendship based on being able to relate to one another at a deeper level, on having that shared weirdness together, or even both things! (that's not to say I love every portrayal; and sometimes there are pet peeves, but they do not ruin the character for me in that scenario, for the simple reason that in these fics she *IS* ultimately a full character, which is more than what can be said about canon lily.) ... and that's the joy of fanfics and fanart and creation, isnt it? that you can make your own ideas come to life, put things together in a way that makes sense to you, and see how others would make a these stories and characters come to life. its why I can despise the marauders in their canon, and yet ship everyone of them with Severus given the right scenario. it's why I can dislike snily in the context of canon, and see their relationship as purely platonic under that lens, and yet wholeheartedly ship them otherwise in the context of fanfics and fanworks. It's why when I say i ship Severus Snape with literally everyone I can truly and genuinely mean it. Because I do. I think theres always room for a scenario, for a characterization, or AU, to allow for it. Fiction is a lovely and magical thing, and it ultimately exists for enjoyment, for entertainment and creativity.

anyway, idk if i worded this wrongly or weirdly but tldr: I dislike and am put off by canon lily, but I love what lily can be, what she could be, what she SHOULD be, I love what fans are able to do with her, I love what I wish she was.

[cringelordofchaos]

Hey, Hey you've been posting a lot about tmf

what's it about. Should I watch it.

Why hello fellow anon

where do I begin. So much to say, not enough time

I'd say the main themes of the show are those of self acception, forgiveness and change. Stuff like that. It's also a typical high school musical except it's animated gacha characters ... it has a lot of drama and shipping and stuff like that. Each episode has a song, the first half (or a bit more of It?) of the (1st!!) season focuses on Jake (the protagonist) earning the trust of each individual music club member, sort of individually introducing them as characters in a way ig

The story centers Jake, high school guy torn between two sides; being his true self but risking it all (reputation, losing old friends, etc), or staying with his old friends while living a lie. For a character that has a whole arc about pretending to be someone he's not for multiple years of his life due to past trauma he's endured he's also pretty bad at lying ...

Also. Liking music / being a music nerd is tabboo or smth like that in this universe. his "true self" I'm talking about is him being a singer ( I HOPE IM NOT SPOILING*TOO* MUCH RAH). It's pretty silly in concept but I still like it

I mostly like TMF cuz of the characters and relationships in it (which are primarily the focus anyway) but do be warned that a lot of the characters I rly love don't get too much screen time or relevance. Sean has like, 2 lines which actually suggest he Experiences Negative Emotions At Times and all my love for him is overanalyzing everything else based on that lol. The characters with most focus (which r also pretty popular) are Jake Hailey and drew I'd argue. And oh boy the fandom can demonize the HELL out of them it's insane, be wary of it. theyr all pretty flawed imo. Um I'm. I'm not really explaining the appeal of this franchise very well, am I...

IDK WHAT TO SAY. if you have the time I'd say check it out, it's on YouTube, the episodes are all around 20 minutes long with the finale being the one exception, I rly like the characters yada yada u get it I hope idk.

Updates r rly slow though and the animation style changes with time. the s1 finale released years. FUCKING years ago and we're still waiting for season 2. But j understand that it can be difficult to produce all that .. s1 has 11 episodes while s2 will apparently have TWENTY .

GAHH I DIDNT FO THE EXPLAINIJG THING WELL ENOUGH AT ALL DID I

SOMEONE HELP ME OUT HERE

this is the description of the show as provided by the creator herself..

it's pretty interesting to look into different perspectives of different characters put into the situation IMO, like the whole drew and Jake thing and how they've both messed up pretty bad on their ends and how they both have reasons for acting the way they do and how it complicates their relationship with each other.. just one example.

Oh yeah, and The Competition. it exists I think?

most characters have been bullied or have family issues of some kind lol .

many of the characters in S1 that'd have been a tad bit neglected will get more attention in s2 so I'm pretty excited for that ^^

AGAIN SOMEONE HELP ME idk what I'm doing, for all I know I've only made this show seem like absolute garbage. Which don't get me wrong it can be a mess sometimes but it's pretty fun ngl

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[nereidprinc3ss]

sam. question 4 u. obv lotsa ppl consider spencer to be autistic and i cant necessarily say i dont agree with that (cus i mean look at him lol) BUT here's my question:

obv since hes literally a genius he didnt go thru school the same as most of us n he got bullied a ton so he didnt really have the opportunity to develop socially like other ppl. so that's probably why he doesn't quite understand or follow social cues v well and info dumps a lot etc (esp in earlier seasons) (and also we see him doing less of that as the show progresses and he gets more used to working with ppl in a "socially acceptable" manner which could be seen as masking but also just learning how to work with other people more efficiently idk) SO do we think the traits that he has that could be considered autistic could also possible just be a result of being socialised differently bc he didn't really have the chance the learn how to read social situations in the same way as most ppl bc he didnt have many friends as a kid??

(sorry if its a bit longwinded) (i think about this sort of thing a lot cus i've noticed a lot of 'gifted' kids who arent necessarily autistic but also dont have many friends can often be read as autistic. esp in fiction. idk)

Tw extremely poorly written half thought out ramble. There is just mucus where my brain should be rn

I think the temptation to pathologize everything and everyone is so strong these days, especially with psychology speak entering the general lexicon which O HATE btw. it’s definitely a result of people feeling disconnected from their peers and also wanting to understand themselves and feel like there is a reason why they are the way they are. Im hesitant to diagnose every personality quirk everyone has. For example my mom and sister are both diagnosed autistic and I know I show signs of it as well, but honestly I don’t feel I need to identify as autistic in order to understand myself. I also know it’s not a zero sum game but there is a part of me that’s like well there are people who can’t mask and there are people who won’t get the opportunities I get because they are obviously “visibly” neurodivergent and I am not so why not leave that label for people who need those resources and support more than I do? It’s the same thing with adhd, everyone and their mother wants a diagnosis and is convinced they have “executive dysfunction” but the reality is doing shit is just hard. It’s not always supposed to be easy. That doesn’t mean we all have adhd and without my diagnosis I would’ve failed out of high school so it’s kind of a bummer seeing people self diagnosing w adhd bc they’re struggling w their weed-out classes in their premed program bc like Yeah school is supposed to be hard sometimes. And sometimes we are all awkward and miscommunicate and don’t connect well w other people. I might be able to get an autism diagnosis if I wanted one but I don’t feel like my social awkwardness and ineptitude needs to be symptomatic of a disorder. Maybe we can just let people be weird and awkward. I know diagnosis can sometimes help people feel less alone and stuff but yeah for those gifted kids sometimes it’s enough to be like. intelligence can often be alienating and really smart people are often a little eccentric and that’s cool! Everyone is unique!

Anyway Spencer is def autistic tho LOL. There is a lot of linkage between extremely high iq and autism. I wouldn’t say he’s a savant because he’s a genius in everything not just one specialized area but I don’t think he is neurotypical at all and it goes beyond his inability to read social cues! I think he gets more stoic and stuff in the later seasons probably because the writers + mgg got lazy and tired of the character and were no longer so concerned about preserving his autistic tendencies, and also because he was getting hotter and people can’t comprehend a physically attractive autistic person, but you could also read it as him simply maturing and also valuing masking for social capital as he gets older. But also also adhd and autism are both developmental disorders which imo means we are supposed to read his lagging social development and late bloomerism as a symptom of his autism. I think we do need more diverse autistic representation rather than just “nonverbal child who speaks in his own unique way and turns out to be a genius” and he contributes to that!! That’s my opinion anyway

[bywons]

GIRL LMAOOO WE RQUESTED CEASEFIRE?? WE WERE SEEKING PEACE FROK START because unlike yall we didnt want any civilians hurt which yall attacking in pakistan. We attacked your mf indian bases. And not your pussy ass country getting scared of the attacks IN THE KASHMIR KABZAH INDIAN BASES. 😂😂 not even your 28478283 gods could grant yall successl try hitting one of them see if it protects you yeah?

you sent so many derogatory asks about hindus and my religion, when i never brought up anything against your god. this is my response once and for all.

see this is where my problems are, i NEVER brought up anything about your gods in that post— i said, that i hope every indian staying in the border states of india are safe and sound because pak is constantly trying to bomb those areas, you cannot deny that. shellings near jammu, kashmir, gujarat and punjab is still going on if you watch the correct news. so its only fair for me to be angry and disappointed towards your country when it decides to violate ceasefire anyways and attack border areas, don't you think? and to say why we attacked your bases, well because y'all keep on targeting civilian areas. and mind you, the indian bases were attacked many times before.

all i said in that post is that i hope every indian is safe, and showed my gratitude towards my forces. i never brought up anything against muslims, muslims in India or pak people ( except the ones like you who are actively and blinding calling india names and hating on us ) i said I have a proble with terr#rists. many muslims in india are also speaking up about this matter and getting bullied anyways, my heart goes out to them. i have no problem against muslims so I don't know why you found it convenient to attack hindus and call my country a ‘p#ssy’? did you find any such disparaging term against your country in my post? no. because through all of this i chose not to mean like you and be disrespectful towards someones religion without a reason. cause i know i don't come from a country like that, i have not been taught to disrespect religions and hope a b#mb hits them. look at your last sentence, look at how you sound. how rude, outright hinduph#bic you sound when you wish a weapon hits me. idk what enraged you in my post to say this when I could NEVER wish a pak civilian should be harmed. there stands the difference between you and me.

i never called pak a p#ssy, called muslims cowards or disrespected them, or even called you guys some sick f#ck. so maybe, you should groom yourself first and then try to argue with me on geopolitics as i damn well know that no one there is allowed to say uneducated, unprofessional words and laugh over terr*rist attacks. ( and i can't keep on defending my country to you cause i know you will come up with one thing or the other to attack me meaninglessly lmao )

now, i would like to say sorry if i was wrong about the ceasefire thing, as i have been following certain sources on the internet. but here is the thing, idc if India requested it or pak, or if it was a mutual understanding between both, but pak decided to violate it anyways. and that's what I was angry about.

sigh, i don't want to say anything else to you. you have already proven yourself— hinduph#bic, childish with your language and overall a weird person. do not come to my inbox again if you want to be blocked. i don't have time to argue your petty self, not knowing anything else but hate on my country.

any further asks, degrading my religion or my country, will be deleted and you will be blocked.

[mattslolita]

okayyy basically first period we had religious studies an cuz im just soo smart i got like 84 out of 96 on my christianity and islam paper. 😇we did the test before the holidays an they gave the results back ONLY now 😒 anyway thats completly irelevant... 🤣 but we hav a new seating plan AGAINNN and i sit next to my boyfriend woooo!! but.. he kept saying he was sleepy cuz he slept for 3 hours only. so he kept leaning on me and my teacher kept tellin him to get off of me 😭

then 2nd i cant even remeber what we had but the teacher gave him a detention cuz he had trainers on instead of "school schoes" LMAO! but the thing is they literally nike air forces like, jus got a logo an its an issue? same style shoes from fucking idk KICKERS 😭 would be PERFECTLEY fine! he was also in a bad mood cuz he dint sleep 😤 so he was arguin with him and ended up gettin taken out the class.. they srsly worry bout the stupidest things but things like bullying or EVEN racism r just IGNORED!!!!! for example one of my friends wears a hijab and theres this old ass teacher whos jewish (not an issue but it needs to be said for my point!)who keeps giving her dirty looks and saying things in arabic to her but she dont understand it? one boy who can understand him once said he told her she was "going to hell" and "following the wrong religion". LIKE? WHAT THE ACTUALLL FUCK? hes disgusting!!! hes also... got an israel flag in his classroom? like hows that even allowed? not even the point that i support palestine. its the fact theyre allowed to hav that in their room and its not an issue? cuz things like fucking voting for a new prime minister was kept secret by teachers cuz apparently they dont want "to influence us" but thats okay and wont influence ANYONE???? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE? yuckkk

then last period we had maths and my bf kept complaining that his head was hurtin and cuz the schl wont let u go to the ofice to get paracetamol or any medication during lesons, we bring our own.. (which SUPRISEEE!! is not allowed) and i went to give him one and this fucking bitch comes up to me and says that i should not be bringing that to school, who knows if that actually medicine, and that ill need to go the head teacher to explain y i decided do that as it was unsafe. 🤣 like 3 years ago they sent my friend home for taking paracetamol at schl cuz they thought he was gonna overdose? uhhh he had 1? 1!!!!!!! LMAO! he had a HEADACHE!! i said i wasnt going bc i dint actually DO anything and we would just waste time for literally no reason.. ofc she didnt like that and said i was talking back an being disrespectufl. i went but the head teacher kinda likes me so she said it was okay but i shouldnt do it again and i said i wouldnt (absolutle fucking lie) then when i came bakck my boyfriend took his water bottle and said to me "ive got vodka in here" and i said "thought u said u stopped all that" as A JOKE! bc i know he obviously DOES NOT hav vodka in his bottle LMAO. but this teacher was like "well now i need to smell it to see if ur being serious" he started laughing an got sent out 😭 its actually becoming an issue atp LOLL.

ughhh cant wait to leaveeee!!!!! and SORRY its SO LONG 🫢

good job on ur religions test love !! so proud of you 🫶

here they go messing w ur bf again😭😫 AND UNT UNT THAT TEACHER MESSING WITH UR ARABIC FRIEND ??? HE'LL REALLY CATCH THESE HANDS CAUSE YOU NOT FINNA GIVE POOKIE DIRTY LOOKS & TALK SHIT THE FUCK ?? AND HES A FUCKING ISRAEL SUPPORTER WHAT THE FUCK.

ur school is weird as fuck, like the rules & shit don't make no sense to me. anyone should be allowed to go to the medical office if their feeling sick or just not feeling well like wdf ??

[xxx-sir-pentious-xxx]

Emositecc : *makes a arragend marriage backstory to Pentious*

Emositecc later : lol look at them such a beautiful bestie soulmates lmao lmao Pentious is a prick for not loving her so he gets what he deserves lol lol lol *makes the thousand jokes about his arranged marriage*

Yeah.

You need a layer of actual human understanding and empathy to write something like that which they dont.

The thing they rolled out is literally

Sir Pentious was a man that was friends with a woman.

This woman wanted to fuck him and wanted to forced him to love her. Then once given the chance, had sex against his real desires and loved it.

She forces him to help with the child she bore through her rape of him.

He gets upset but hes not ever seen being anything other than bitter to his son who loves him so damn much still, so Pentious never actually hurt him seemingly.

Pentious is destroyed by the child's death and cant bare to watch them wither while his arranged wife fails to keep them healthy or stable enough to recover.

Does not let him back in to.. I'm not sure? Cemetery? House? Idk they didnt convey it right so beats me.

She dies then he dies? Forgot.

He redeems himself going to heaven after the rapist and child have been pampered in heaven. Child lowkey bullies a different child.

She slaps him when he tries to apologize and show hes grown. Well. She insults his many offspring first dying then slaps him I think.

She also lowkey admits she'd wanna fuck him again in a quiet way yo him presumed CURRENT GIRLFRIEND CHERRI AND IS LITERALLY A HOE FOR THAT.

Speed up to now and I see romance shit between the rapist and sir Pentious the actually saint and martyr.

It's like..

You can write that.

But dont say shes a good person man. That's my problem.

Dont lie saying your oc is in the right when you write them clearly being evil, entitled and cruel. She belongs in Hell.

You want her to be good?

Then write her as a good person not a extremely evil flawed creep that cant let shit go EVER. How you stay the exact same while sir Pentious out here completely changing as a person and growing.

Emo is a negligent writer, that's the issue okay?

[darknoverse]

🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers (optional) !

a- whole gush pass? all for little ol' me?????

*grabs papers*

ok soooooo a whole essay about NOS4a2 and why he matters to me sm as a f/o ever

k so, starting off.

what makes him special design wise?

first of all, his whole design is sharp and edgy(literally.lotta edges). each end is pointy and sharp . lotta triangles used in his design. but despite that there's something interesting about how he has a cape (something usually made out of soft fabrics) as a cover, but even so the sharpness REMAINS. something else is how he has like two different eyes, which one of them is a monocle which is slay idk lol. also something else is how he's not like- he doesnt look strong physically at first sight even tho he's trully capable of being so . also fangs; LITERAL energy vampire, it's so cool as a concept.

ok personality wise:

most of the times he's on scene, it's always this very classic "muahahaha evil" kinda deal, he's silly af. geniunely enjoying it . he keeps on making stupid unfunny jokes all the time and he laughs at his own stupid jokes lol. idk i think it's cute and sillly waaaaaaaaaaaaa

BUT! he's capabe of being TRULY TERRIFYING (like half the robotic gore in BLOSC is caused by him lol, also his plan in ROTM was dark af)

it's even more interesting cuz his motivations are simply, yes being in charge as a SECOND need. the FIRST need is mainly to feed on robots. SENTIENT ROBOTS. LIKE HE D O E S WANT TO FEEL THE THRILL OF THE KILL. HE COULD JUST DRAIN from lifeless machines, but he'd rather HUNT and play with his food, if you will.

it's just very interesting.

now, SPECIFICALLY WHY do I like Nos and why is he so important to me?

so in general i was/still am a villain apologist ok? i always loved villains, no matter how evil they were. it sortz felt really comforting. but something about Nos specifically felt very special . possibly the fact that the first episode i watched in general was Revenge of the monsters (aka the climax of his character in everyway) .so basically my first impression was based on seeing him in his best if u know what i mean . like if it was any other episode things would've gone differently but that's not the case as you see. like ROTM is like this whole bigger climax yk? say, if it was another episode there's a high chance zurg could've been my fav character but boy he literally ran like a coward in ROTM so i just didnt care much cuz he wasnt in the ep as much as NOS.

like yea in an alternate reality it could've been Zurg but NUH UH . Nos it is.

also the fact that ROTM is like, as i said, sorta sums up his whole character in a great way . so when I watch that episode i IMMEDIATLY got attached especially when my introduction to the series is this. both his ultimate downfall and like .. the top of his character arc . like, INSTANT attachement.

another thing to note is how like … the whole episodes sorta focused on his turning every Z to an N .

ok here i might start explaining things a bit too personally here but ok it's an essay . ok so the circumstances of me watching the show for the first time were…something.

see i didn't have much friends back then as a kid. even the ones i had were pretty much SO different and can't understand me cuz im that shy, weird kid who goes on info dumping about my interests it might get annoying. but nobody understood those interests except ONE friend. whom just left and idk where he is till now. another thing to add, being the weird kid sorta let people exclude me and/or bully me soooo yeah .

so my putting that into prespective with the whole Ns all over the place thing in that specific episode sort of.. made me relate ya know? feel like it's specifically an episode for me . there was something nice and comforting about it.

the fact that it's the first letter of my name (which at the time was a big deal cuz all my favs didnt specifically put that fact into like, part of the story like Nos if u get me.) like, something about a villain i KNOW has the first same letter in their name as me, being all goofy yet menacing, also a vampire of sort -i am obsessed since day one idk) just felt right.

last part of this might sound silly or stupid but like . another reason WHY i felt this connection to Nos specifically till now :

people i know irl did NOT know what blosc was.

even the few who knew, don't remember it or specifically know who Nos was when i asked them.

so it's like "damn. all this epic character being so obscure and unknown despite everything they did?…sounds like me "

so until i went online and find more blosc mutuals (and till i went to Uni where people know it somewhat and still take show suggestions seriously from me) it just felt like this one character was specificaly made for me . like, this one character nobody knows except me . cuz i'm just as unknown and as unnoticed irl .

conclusion:

and to this day that still stands . Nos is still one of the turning points in my life in general. be it in art , in social life , or in general anyways. still my favourite fictional character of all time . my Top 1 fav and my main comfort character along Antasma and Zira for similar reasons.

thank you for coming to my cringe talk btw and reading all this lol.

[butchdre]

i thought i was going in prepared but i was not prepared cw for talk of shootings because thats what the movie revolves around.

obviously no i am not a tcc person nor do i condone shootings i feel like i shouldnt have to say this but alas. anyway if you choose to keep reading please do so with caution and stay safe

this movie was recommended to me by an old friend of mine and i decided to give it a try. it's on youtube for freebies and it's relatively short, just 80ish minutes, so i figured i'd watch tongiht and .fuck. i've watched zero day as well and honestly ive always considered that movie to be really well done in terms of its style and the message it's trying to convey, but yk. i cant really be vocal about it since tcc freaks are all over it like ants or perhaps flies. anyway i went into this movie knowing that the subject matter was similar to zero day but i was genuinely not prepared for this at all

i think a lot of it comes from identifying way too much with matt. theyre making a student film about getting revenge on a gang of bullies, and theyre the kind of kids that are like. really aggressiveand violent with it idk thats the best way i can describe it. and i feel like.. the red flags were there but people just didnt clock it until it was too late. and by then, like. the damage was already done. and i know saying 'oh i relate to matt' is suspicious but i mean it more in the way of how he just straight up loses his grip on reality. and how he doesn't even notice until it's practicallytoo late for him. and when he does notice it's so clear how frightened he is. and maybe im just hella projecting but i think the bullying they faced affected matt really badly and his escapism was through movies. he's got shit like uhh. pulp fiction, requiem for a dream, thats all shit that was posters in his room. and then he's making logos for his film that are riffing off of other films, like back to the future, and star wars, and shti like that and. owen talks about how matt acts like he's in a movie all the time, cameras or not, being totally fucking crazy like he's acting in a movie and how he doesnt know when matt is being genuine or if he's just acting, and. jesus man that hit home. like i think a lot of it is just that i have Movie Autism i fucking love moveis and so seeing all the movie references made me really relate to this guy but also the fucking escapism that devolves into delusion and being unable to separate that from reality and not even knowing who you really are anyomre. that part hit home i think. and i just look back on how fucked up i was as recently as a year ago and i think to myslef thank god i noticed. like, thank god i was able ot realize what was happening before i totally lost my grip on reality. because the part where he realized that he fit the exact definition of the way dave cullen described real life shooters that i will not name (they read an excerpt from that book! with permisison from cullen himself. idk i just think it's interesting and says a lot about the writers of the film that they reached out to thewriter and asked permission to read an excerpt in their movie. idk) and the fucking genuine emotion when he says that to owen and then owen just does not care what if i started sobbing right now

im surprised at how. idk. theres a scene at the end where he does kill someone, and i was expecting it to be like a total bloodbath (again, my only frame of reference is zero day which i havent watched in. idfk a year) but no. and yet somehow it's so much more impactful than the end of zero day. because he starts chasing after his friend and when he has him cornered and owen is fucking frightened and genuinely i think matt just doesnt Get It. he doesnt understand. and he goes 'what are oyu doing? its me!' adn fuck dude i know im reading way too far into this but like . hes saying that hes been like this the whole time! and hes confused why owen changed on a dime ebcause to himthis is the next logical step!! fuck!!!! and the worst part is i knew it was fucking coming adn yet i was telling myself no way. no way.

will i watch it again? probably not the whole way through, because i did just straight up start sobbing (and i've only cried atlike. two movies? three maybe?) and it fucked me up. but my god that movie was fantastic. if you're comfortable with the material it goes over and are able to stomach it, i do highly recommend it. fuckin hell what a film