#which is much harder for kai to process with all he's experienced

[datastate]

they are genuinely sickening and yet they are stuck in my head.

[away-ward]

Okay, here is a mean one. How do you think the Horseman would react if anything happened to their kids, and how would that affect their relationship with each other and their significant other?

So…when I get these messages on my phone, I can really only see the first line. “Here’s a mean one…” I about had a heart attack thinking of the drama I was about to open. It was a huge sigh of relief to see this.

I think Kai it best when talking to Tavi. “Your parents wouldn’t be happy if you cracked your little skull open…Your dad wouldn’t be able to take it.” And then there was the whole kidnapping thing and murdering thing…anyway...

This is true for all of them. Each of these parents are devoted to their children. It’s not unusual for parents to find it difficult to stay together after losing a child, but I don’t think that’s the case here. All of the couples would stay together. As before, the only thing that could separate them at this point is death.

Michael, I think would become even more strict and obsessed with safety. Similar to how he was in HA with Rika – constantly wanting to know where she was, who she was with, who Kai was letting around her. Catch him implanting GPS trackers on all his remaining family and hiring security detail just to go to and from school and work.

Rika, a bit more reasonable but still sick with pain. However, they are an unusual case. Total headcanon, but considering Rika’s issues with conceiving, it’s more than likely that before they got Aaron, they had at least one miscarriage. I’m not sure if they would have told the group, but it’s possible Rika and Michael have already lost a child that they very much wanted.

Together, Michael would pull away from Rika at first. He needs to process the loss on his own and figure out which steps he needs to take to move his family forward. This is a problem, because Rika will let him pull away. At the same time, she'll try to deal with things on her own. They could risk pulling in different directions. Of all the couples, they're the ones most likely to let the death of either Aaron or Athos divide them.

Kai thinks he’s owed certain things because he came from a good home and “listened” to guidance. Losing a child would be another injustice in his eye, and he'd respond with an anger his friends hadn't ever seen before. In his view, he's worked hard for a good life, and suffered enough. That should count for something. He would lash out at his friends, probably for a while. I see a darkness settling on Kai that would never go away if he lost either of his children. He'd developing an even harder shell to get around. Think of what Michael experienced in Corrupt with him, times, like, 100.

Banks would be hard too. I see her as being very protective of her children. She’s worked so hard to get to the point she’s at where she’s happy, to have that taken way might kill something inside her. She doesn't open up with people; she doesn't want to hear pathetic attempts at sympathy, especially if the person didn't know either of her children. However, I also think she’ll find a way to stand tall. This might the area she does better than Kai, because she can at least deal with not getting everything she wants, having dealt with it all her life. Her fury is quiet, but it's there. She just swallows it better.

Together, they're stronger. While Kai is shut down with is friends and family, he is able to open up with Banks. In return, Banks doesn't see him as weak, but instead her strengthen. They talk about how they're feeling. They share memories. They hold each other. They're emotions are for them to know and not for others. Separating never even comes up in their minds.

If Kai’s anger makes him cold, Damon’s anger makes him an inferno. He’d be full of rage towards the world. In turn, he'd cling even more to what remains in his control. Damon doesn't claim to have a favorite, and while the loss of any of his children would be devastating, Ivar and Tavi are especially close to him. He might go a little insane if something happened to them. If it was one of his middle son's, still insane, but able to handle it a smidgen better.

Winter would be able to accept comfort and help from others, but her main concern would be keeping Damon from going off the rails and monitoring how her remaining children are dealing with the loss of their sibling. They are, after all, all Damon's offspring and as she has learned, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree where the Torrance's are concerned.

Together, Damon would never let Winter go. Even on their worst days, when he's angry and lashing out and she's shutting down, refusing to let him in, they work through it. Sometimes working through it is using blunt force, where they scream at each other about their loss and then end up having rough sex as a form of comfort. However, they never blame the other for what happened.

Emmy might be a little lost for a while. She'd find it difficult to focus at work, her projects would fall behind. Little things would throw her off, and she push back any comfort offered to her, shutting people out. She'll bounce back eventually, because she knows her life didn't end, and she's still has others depending on her to be a great mom. Still, a part of her might wonder of why she specifically had to deal with so much death. If she didn't have a complex already, this might give her one.

Will would have to level-up to provide both physical and moral support in ways he didn't before. He'd feel it was his duty to keep her from going overboard in her grief, while also dealing with is own. He would lean heavily on others for help, support, and comfort, and he'd do this without seeing it as a weakness.

Together, Will would struggle at first with just how hard Emmy was shutting him out, and how hard to push against her walls. In his logic, she's done this before; she knows her process, so he should let her go through her process of grief. It may even appear to others that they're at a breaking point. At times, Will might fear that he's lost her, and Emmy might momentarily give up the fight. But Will refuses to let her go and Emmy will accept him, knowing she can't push him out and survive this.

love to know your thoughts and headcanons

-Ko

[just-my-fandom]

The Ninja w/ a Reader who experiences a death HC:

I’m winging it with some of these because I haven’t seen the newer seasons, bare with me.

Cole

Being Zane’s sister, Doctor Julien’s biological daughter, Zane’s death against the Golden Master hit hard on you.

You, along with your team had been at the scene when Zane died, which seemed to make the situation probably 10x worse.

Coles first instinct is to go to you when Kai finds a metal piece of Zane’s face, but as soon as Cole turns, you are almost immediately taking off in quick steps through the snow.

Wu demands Cole gives you space, and although Cole does, he doesn’t see you until Zane’s ceremony the next day.

The team had searched for you all night the day of Zane’s death, and to no valid they worried you would completely ditch the ceremony, but are glad to see you with Doctor Julien.

Of course you’re both upset, you being more in control of your tears compared to the Doctor, but the team sees the emotion on your face.

You finally move to sit with your team, barely giving them a glance as you sit in between Nya and Cole, and, instantly, Cole is taking your hand and silently squeezing.

Seconds later, he hears you sniffle and sees in the corner of his eye as your free hand lifts to wipe your eye, before your shoulders begin to drop and shake, and Nya is scooting closer to embrace you.

Coles grip only tightens, turning his body to face you as you broke down in Nyas arms, and all Cole finds himself doing is sitting there, in silence, knowing this is the only support he can give you.

You eventually settle yourself enough to give your speech about your brother, only to find yourself breaking down again in front of forty-fifty- people, doing the same as you did the day before and moving off the stage in a rush.

This time, Cole follows.

You allow him to catch up, you allow him to get ahead so he’s in front of you, and allow him to embrace you so tight you think he’s squeezing the tears out of you.

Your knees feel weak. But with Cole holding you up, you remain pressed against him, hiccuping so hard your chest hurts.

Cole only cards his hand through your hair, lips against your temple as he sways you, knowing you hated talking or being talked to in situations like this.

So he stands with you, and your quieting sniffles tell him his comforting is working, and that’s all that matters to him.

Kai

Similar to Cole, you are Doctor Juliens biological daughter.

Doctor Julien died from old age, but it had been so sudden for both you and Zane, neither of you knew how to process the death of the only family you had by blood (or oil, for Zane).

You, with human emotions, of course take the death harder than Zane.

You later go to Kai for comfort, showing how not only was he your boyfriend but also experienced both parents being gone like yours, and the flame boy automatically greets with open arms.

You felt fine after saying your final goodbyes to Doctor Julien, but Kai can see the tremble in your lip and ushers you to let it out.

Cue you falling into bed with him and crying your eyes out for god knows how long.

The boys come to the bedroom to find you and Kai on his bottom bunk, you passed out from crying so much.

You weren’t apart of the team as the main five, but the boys were still considered your friends and as your friends they all were quiet getting into bed as to not disturb you.

Kai worries about falling asleep because he fears you’ll wake up and freak out again after remembering the events of the day.

Thankfully you sleep through most of the night, only waking up to drink water due to dehydration, and that’s when Kai finally decides to sleep when seeing you’ll be okay.

He thinks you don’t necessarily want him to touch or be super close to you but you end up pressing yourself to him as you get back to sleep, and with a hand on your back and his chin on your head he finds himself easily falling asleep.

You and Zane decide to do a smaller memorial compared to the one that was held for Zane’s supposed death, and throughout all of it Kai is next to you.

“Tell me if it ends up too much,” He’d tell you, but you’d only give him a small smile, squeezing his hand.

“It’s never too much as long as you’re here,”

Lloyd

So we’re gonna pretend Lloyd wasn’t turned into an old man in that episode lmao.

Nya being hit with the venom was a scare for everyone. Jay was with her during her last words, while everyone stood back.

Kai is freaking out, because “How are you not feeling anything right now?!”

Lloyd knows you, he knows you don’t want anyone to see you cry even though your sister just fucking died, so he brings himself to step up to you and pull you from the group,

“You can cry. I won’t say anything if you don’t want me to,”

This immediately causes a break, your eyes rapidly blinking as your head tilts back, before your chest heaves, exhaling so tears fell free, Lloyd tugging on your arm so you step into him, his arms tight at your waist,

Obviously your meltdown doesn’t last long, because Kai is suddenly screaming at you to come back, that “Nyas alive!” and that you needed to “Get your ass back over here!”

The immediate panic of Lloyd running after you as you rush back to the group, Jay and Kai knelt next to Nya who was awake and sitting up,

The tears come back as you drop down next to Kai, his arm around your shoulders as you pull Nya against you and him, Kai’s hands tight around both his sisters,

“Crying for me, Y/N/N?”

“Nya, you almost died you bitch,” Your insult has no threat, instead you and Nya giggling so Kai shook his head, Lloyd smiling at the interaction in relief.

Zane

I personally don’t like writing for Zane but I’ll do it cause I love y’all

Anyway, the day of Harumis death, you had also witnessed. By also, I mean Lloyd and his entire team saw the building collapse with your sister.

Obviously youre upset- pissed- because you had lost your parents when you and Harumi were younger, and now you’ve lost her and you have no family left.

Your grief is shown in your anger. Zane knows you get angry easily, so when he sees you punch a wall then break down into tears, he knows that he should just stand back until you come to him.

You don’t, not until that afternoon when you’re wrapping your bloody fist from the wall, and he is providing help in doing so.

“This isn’t fair,” Your whimper is quiet, but his robotic hearing causes him to easily hear your words. “She was becoming good, she was doing good,”

Zane sits in silence, knowing you’ll want to talk rather than listening to him. But you only turn the hand he was wrapping to grab his own, tugging him forward into a hug.

The cooling of his metal shoulder eases your burning face, sniffles quiet as Zane brought a hand to your head, rocking you enough to comfort you, again, with no words.

“I miss her,”

Zane let’s his head lean against yours, and hears you sigh as you began to calm down due to his cool embrace.

“Would you like to punch another wall?”

Your giggle is loud against the bathroom, and he smiles when you lean back to settle on the toilet seat to let him continue wrapping your hand,

“I don’t think my hand would appreciate that,”

“Maybe, but your emotions will,”

You do end up punching another wall that night, and a punching bag.

Jay (This one, I did not see the episode for, so my information is def wrong in this)

The day of Garmadons sacrifice, you literally have no emotion.

Jay, and your brother and mother of course, are all super worried because?? Why haven’t you cried yet??

That night you and Jay settle in bed but he wakes up in the middle of the night to see you still wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

This concerns him, his baby’s upset but won’t speak to anyone or at least just cry it out.

Not until he pulls you to curl up against him do you break down, sniffling so loud you have to bury your face into your blanket.

Jays shushes are gentle, not demanding, his hands at your face as he ushers you to release your emotions because “Holding them in is worse”.

Neither of you sleep the rest of the night but he knows you’ve cried enough because you end up crashing from exhaustion.

Misako and Lloyd coming to check up and actually being happy you’ve finally released some emotion because you have a bad history of holding it all in until last second.

Jay encourages you to talk to your mother and brother, and later he talks to Lloyd and finds out you and your mother cried so much Lloyd actually worried about dehydration being an issue.

You and your mother weren’t necessarily close but of course after Garmadon left for a second time, you figured it was time to start being close to her.

Misako briefly mentions how she knows how different you would’ve been if Jay wasn’t there to guide you.

Misako secretly gives Jay her blessing to propose to you with the ring she saw him hide weeks ago.

[meganwritesandthings]

Megan's Master List

All of my works are on AO3 @Geeksquad2o, and all of the stories listed below are links to AO3.

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS

This Band Is Back Series

Be sure to read these ones in order!

Bring Me To Life

Like with most things, the signs started showing up slowly. So slowly, in fact, that at first nobody noticed. Alex would bite his nails when he was anxious, and they started to grow back. Luke started needing to push his hair out of his eyes. Reggie found himself getting cold without his jacket on. Little things that would have meant nothing if they were still human, but meant quite a lot for ghosts

Or: The boys are starting to change, which they're pretty sure isn't supposed to happen to ghosts. And they are still ghosts. Right?

But I Always Thought That I'd See You Again

When the boys died 25 years ago, there were quite a few people that they left behind. After coming back as ghosts, they'd made their peace that there was nothing they could really do about that now. But now that they've come back to life, they have a chance to reconnect with their old families. The question is: Do they all really want to?

The Singers of the Lullabies

Rose Molina had died with no unfinished business, but a lot of secrets. Tragedies lived and experienced that her family had no idea about. She died with no unfinished business, but a lot of people left behind. She died with no unfinished business, but when her daughter came face to face with the most dangerous ghost in the world, Rose realized she wasn't finished.

All My Life I've Been Good But Now

The stories always stop at the miracle. But what happens when the miracle is over, the ones once dead have been brought back, and now everyone has to return to business as usual? For Luke, Reggie, and Alex, this second life brought with it a whole new set of challenges. First and foremost? High school.

You're Just Harder To See Than Most

Everything about Julie and Luke's relationship was pretty perfect, but the same couldn't be said about the love lives of the other Phantoms. Alex was beginning to realize that he was, essentially, in love with cute air. And Reggie? He was going through a crisis. A couple of crises, actually. At least someone is happy though.

Something's Gone Terribly Wrong

Julie, Luke, Reggie, and Alex had finally started to feel secure. They'd found love, they had each other, and the boys had been settling into the land of the living spectacularly. Which, of course, means that it was time for a certain Caleb Covington to pop back into their lives for one last showdown that would bring all the old ghosts out of the woodwork, and reveal to all who Caleb Covington really was.

Other Jatp Works

So If You're Asking Me I Want You To Know

When Julie finally works up the courage to tell Luke she loves him, it doesn't go quite as she expected. When Luke tries to explain to her exactly what it was that caused him to freak out, he finds he can't really figure out the words. So he does it the best way he knows how: in a song.

I Wanna Feel All That Love and Emotion

Luke struggles to find the right thing to do. Everyone can see what he can't, and Julie can't wait forever. Maybe one day, buddy.

Cobra Kai

Don't Look At Me, You've Got A Girl At Home (And Everybody Knows That)

Hawk's just won the All-Valley, and he feels on top of the world. Despite the fact that not everyone had quite as good of a tournament, Demetri insists that they've gotta celebrate. Things get a bit complicated though, as it turns out that Demetri with a little too much alcohol is a Demetri with way too little thought process.

The Critical Chapter

Phone calls and confessions. "I rewatched your favorite Doctor Who episode" really means "I love you." Maybe Yasmine is right about some things...

Harry Potter

Take What I Can and Then Die in the Dirt

Because who doesn't sit around at 17 with their best friends imagining the end of the world? If only that end of the world scenario wasn't quite so close to home for the Marauders...

Stranger Things

I Think You're Seeing Right Through Me

80s movies, confessions, and confusions. Mike Wheeler deserves emotions. Charlie Sheen, anyone?

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirit - Zuko x fem!reader (pt.2)

SUMMARY: reader faces the consequences of interfering with the Agni Kai (emotionally and physically)

WORD COUNT: 3.9k

WARNINGS: angst. Torture, semi nudity (NOT sexually) –traumatising!! physical and some mental abuse. Violence. Mentions/descriptions of death. Crying. Swearing. Ozai being a literal nutter. Azula being nutter 2.0.

A/N: THIS IS A REPOST FROM THE AUTHOR OF THIS FIC - I had some complications with the original blog this fic was posted on so please show this some love,, ALL FUTURE CHAPTERS FOR THIS FIC WILL BE POSTED HERE!! hi friends!! Thank you to everyone who showed some love to the first chapter eep! Anyway I’m really scared for y’all to read this one, but!! I’m aiming to have the gaang in the next one so if you hate this I’m sorry but I didn’t want the story to be rushed so I couldn’t bring myself to skip this :// Please read the warnings!!

Also! In this part italics are internalised thoughts 😊

OTHER PARTS:  pt1   /   pt3   /   pt4   /   pt5   /   pt6

MASTERLIST: Here!

The Fire Lords command echoed throughout the room, encompassing the crowd in a thick silence.

Zuko let out a small gasp, one only you were able to hear. After experiencing just a fragment of the physical pain he endured, you didn’t want him to make any decisions he would regret, especially if he was considering to defend you. You didn’t deserve it. Burnt, dead skin, blisters across your left side in the hot atmosphere around you. Your heart begins to tighten and rip you apart all at the same time, realising how much pain you caused for taking all of those lives.

Continuing to kneel on the floor of the duelling platform, you’re frozen, filled with disgust as you finally acknowledge the person you became. From your first commission four years ago, you were numbed to the experience of taking someone’s life. Seeing the life fade from someone’s eyes as you plunged your flame lit sword into their chest, you felt nothing. It was as if it were just a switch inside of them, nothing more. One moment they were there, the next they’re not. You recall Zemin’s reaction when you recounted the events of your first kill, and he didn’t make it seem like it mattered. His only response was to scold you for showing off because you didn’t need to light your sword on fire to kill the man.

Managing to push through the new thoughts and emotions that have awoken within you, your mind travels back to the boy behind you. Despite what you’re currently feeling, it will never amount to the emotional pain he has after being attacked by his father. Fire Lord or not.

Continuing to face the floor, you can’t bring yourself to even glance at Zuko, barely managing to croak out, “Forget who I am. Stay alive, that would be enough.”

You feel his stare to the back of your head. You wish you could turn around and say something, anything at all, maybe even hold him. Anything to get rid of the disgusting, vulnerable, and isolating feelings within you. You wanted to tell him he didn’t deserve it, even if you didn’t know who he really was. Because as much as you hated to admit it, you were afraid. So fucking afraid. Zemin never taught you what to do in these situations, especially anything involving saving the Prince’s life.

Unknown to you, Zuko’s right arm cautiously reaches out to take hold to the back of your robes. So close his fingertips graze the fabric, but not close enough. The two nearest guards rushed to grab you while everyone in the crowd stared at your figure on the duelling ground.

With one guard on either side of you, they grabbed your arms and shoved you off the platform. Hissing, and failing to shove down a pathetic sob ripping through your half-burnt throat, you fall onto your hands and knees. A moment later, the guards were back at your side, dragging you through the door you couldn’t bring yourself to walk through minutes earlier.

Freedom feels like a distant, pathetic dream.

You try to take in the palace around you as they drag you to the right. Connecting where you are to the map, you saw last night, becomes increasingly difficult as the prolonged burning sensation on your skin begins to fog your mind. It’s no use keeping your eyes open. The dark colours of the palace give you a headache. You want to pass out. Give up completely. But Zemin didn’t lock you up in a pitch-black, underground labyrinth, for three months when you were eight to learn nothing. Instincts kicking in, you allow your eyes to close and begin to count your movements, listening to your surroundings.

20 steps forward.

Turn left.

15 steps.

Turn right.

You notice the guard to your left has a weaker hold on you than your right. Possibly about of disgust for holding your arm, or maybe to cause less pain. You assume the former.

18 steps.

The guards come to a stop.

You feel the guard to your left, slightly turning her body towards you. “Hey, maybe we should stop for a bit. I think the kid passed out.”

Ah, so maybe the latter as well then.

The guard to the right scoffs at her suggestion. “Don’t worry about it. She’s not completely out yet, she managed to keep moving. Probably just weak from the pain. Stupid kid. We’ve got a long way to go, and the Fire Lord will want her towards the top of the prison.”

Still unconvinced the female guard persists, “Shouldn’t we be taking her to the infirmary? These are really severe burns.”

There’s a pause. Only for a few moments, but enough for them to weigh up their options. “We should, but the Fire Lord would end us if we did that. We’ll just send a healer to the cell after we get her there.”

The guard shakes you, forcing you to open your eyes. Guiding you out of the palace, you squint your eyes as the sun blinds you, eventually able to make out a tall tower-like building before you. Entering the darkness that lies inside it, you struggle to keep up with their pace as they wind their way further and further up the spiral. Making it to a cell, the guard to the right drops you instantly making you crumble to the floor, eliciting a subtle dig to your hip. You’d forgotten all about the dagger strapped around your waist under your robes—the one you used to kill the general.

While the guard is holding your injured arm tugs you back up, you decide to act while one of them is preoccupied. Balancing on your right leg, you swing your left leg around, slamming into the back of their knees, making them fall. You quickly take out the dagger from underneath your robes, flipping it in your hand and using the blunt of the handle to knock her out in the head. The thud to the guards’ head alerts the other ahead of you. By the time they’ve processed what happened, you ran to them, kicking them in the stomach propelling them into the cell they recently managed to open. Running towards them you drop to both of your knees, arching your back as you slide under streams of fire passing above you. Rookie move on their part. Bringing your torso back up, you send a punch to their face knocking them out cold.

You grab the other guard and drag them into the cell as well and swap your robes for their uniform. It’s too large for your adolescent figure, but its good enough. Taking the keys, you lock them both in there, closing the main door on your way out in hopes no one will notice them in there instead of you.

Breath, you still have a long way to go.

With determined strides, you make your way past other guards in the prison, praying to the spirits that for once they’ll be on your side. Following the steps you memorised in your head from earlier, you end up back at the point where they led you from the arena. From this point, you decide to go in the opposite direction to which they took you. To the left.

Stay calm y/n, you’re going to make it.

You find a door leading out of the castle, and you can see the palace gates in the distance.

Holy Spirits! So… I would have made it out in time if I left the Agni Kai… That doesn’t matter anymore, you’re going to make it out now.

Walking out into the open, you force yourself to suppress a scream of pure joy. Time began to slow down as you saw the gates coming closer and closer. So close you started wondering where you’d go once you made it through.

Those thoughts were abandoned when you hear screaming from behind you.

“Close the gates! That guard is the traitor! Don’t let her out, and close the gates!”

No. No, not again. No, no, no! Fuck!

Breaking out in a sprint, you push yourself harder and further than any training exercise Zemin put you through. You let out a painful scream as if it would make you run faster than the guards at the gates, slowly pushing them shut. Nothing could compare to how much you wanted this slice of freedom. After just a few hours of being in the miserable palace, you were convinced you’d rather walk and swim to the Northern Water Tribe without any food or water, than have to spend another moment here. Mind going into overdrive, you don’t seem to hear or even register the fact that there is a group of around twenty guards behind you, ready to take you down.

With an echoing clang, they seal the gates shut. You falter, slowing down as waves of desperation and hopelessness consume you, yet unable to bring yourself to stop completely.

No, please.

One guard managed to catch up to you in your moments of weakness, throwing a strong punch to your head before you have time to react.

WEEK ONE

It had been a week since you were caught (again) and imprisoned in the Fire Nation jail cell and quite frankly, you were bored. After your stunt when you were first brought here, they ensured that you would never have access to any sharp objects, serving food in wooden bowls with only your hands to eat. Bold of them to assume you didn’t know 21 ways to use the bowl if you truly desired to kill them. No one spoke to you, not even the healer who came in wordlessly the first night to treat your burns. You lay on your right side, staring up at the ceiling admiring the small light that came through the poor excuse of a window.

I wonder if Zemin was worried when I never came back. Would he be worried? No that’s a stupid question, of course not. If anything, he’d be annoyed that I damaged his reputation by getting caught… I still hope he got those gold pieces though, at least then I can slowly waste away in here knowing I don’t owe him any more money. Maybe he could finally fulfil his dream and go to Ba Sing Se. He used to always guilt me into learning a new form of fighting, groaning on about how he gave up the money he had to move there and start a new life with the woman he loved, to raise me. Idiot. He never had an obligation to raise me in the first place, I’m probably from nowhere, and my parents were probably mediocre people in the grand scheme of things. Who even were my-

Cutting off your train of thought, one of the guards walked up to the cell and unlocked it, another quickly grabbing your wrists, and latching them in chains. “The Fire Lord has ordered to speak with you.”

You crack a smirk, “Oh goodie, I think I’m ready for a rematch!”

“Shut it kid, you’re lucky he ordered that you can’t be disposed of… yet.”

Am I lucky? Being burnt alive and having access to a non- waterbending healer and a bowl of old rice is lucky? Oh great Spirits, thank you for gracing my life with these blessings from the great Fire Nation.

What. A. Load. Of. Shit.

Leading you to the palace, you make it into the throne room. At this point, you wanted to laugh at their efforts to scare you.

Really? Dark Lighting and a fire wall right in front of the throne you sit high and mighty? If only I were an Airbender, then I could huff and puff until you fall into the flames.

A guard standing near the Fire Lord is the first to speak. “Bow before your Fire Lord!”

Spitting on the ground, you look at Ozai in the eye. “I will never bow before you!”

He laughs.

“I know you are the one who killed one of my generals before the duel after acquiring your blade. It’s quite interesting how you managed to get to him without any bending, I must find and congratulate whoever your trainer was. Lucky for you though, the general was of no value to me and easy to replace. I will also show you mercy for what you did at the Agni Kai, only because it was my disgrace of a son you protected, and just like that general, not anyone truly valuable to the nation. Regardless of your crimes, you have already proven yourself a very great asset for a mere child. For that, I will grant you the ultimate freedom, free of any ties you have with the low lives outside of the Capital. Instead, you can directly serve your Fire Lord as my personal assassin. I will have the best swordsmen train you. Taking your abilities to new heights, you wouldn’t even begin to imagine for yourself. I will make you unstoppable. For a non-bender, that is.”

Based on the confident yet bored tone of his voice, you could easily assume he didn’t care. Yet his golden eyes narrow down towards your figure. Waiting. Testing to see if you dare defy his wishes. The offer is objectively easy. Technically, all he is asking of you is to do the same thing you’ve been raised to do, just under his allegiance.

Zuko flashes in your mind. Tears streaming down his face, and begging his father for mercy. “I will never kill for you! I would rather relive the burns you gave me every day than stand by your side!”

He sighs. “If that is what you wish. Maybe over time, you will learn what a great honour it is to be offered such an opportunity, let us meet again next week.”

The guards, as if they were expecting this, shoved you to your knees, ripped off the top you were wearing, and the bindings across your chest. Frozen as the warm air from the flames around you hit your chest, you were mortified. Knowing other guards present were intently watching you be humiliated in front of the Fire Lord, you forced yourself to control the urge to vomit the contents of your prison food on the floor. Quickly bringing your arms and hands to your chest, you winced at the sudden movement from your left arm.

Without any time to mentally prepare, both guards ignited streams of fire to your back. Instinctively you hunch over, attempting and failing to avoid the flames. Unbeknownst to you, everyone in the palace all the way to the kitchens, froze as your haunting screams echoed throughout its halls.

Through your tears and screams, you faintly heard the Fire Lord speak. “You will learn to agree, and you will comply.”

THREE MONTHS

Despite crying every time it happened, you became accustomed to the burnings every week you refused Ozai’s offer. You began to lose any emotional feeling when it happened, robotically going through each step.

They bring you to the throne room.

You say no.

You take off your shirt and bindings for yourself.

The guards burn you.

You cry.

Ozai watches you as if he had better things to do with his time.

Although today, hours after the ritual, you received your first guest that wasn’t a guard or a healer. You knew who they were after sensing them as they hid behind a pillar in the throne room every week. Sensing them through the body heat within them, a gift you always had since you were little. Theirs was crackled with so much anger and hatred; it was so unique to everyone in the palace, you barely had to think about it.

“What do I owe the pleasure of the one and only Fire Nation Princess being in my worthless presence?”

“Shut it scum!”

You let out a small laugh. “Ooo scum? That’s a lovely nickname, but honestly, a little bland, don’t you think? You ARE the Fire Nation princess after all, why not add a little spice to it?”

She didn’t seem to like that. “ENOUGH! You want spice?!” Shooting a streamline of fire from her fingertips, she shot at your head. Luckily enough, you weren’t in front of Ozai or defending her brother, so you swiftly dodged her shot.

Not giving her the satisfaction of retaliation, you sat in the middle of the cell, closing your eyes and crossing your legs. You began to meditate, trying to block out the irritating sense of fire within her.

She walked up to the bars, staring down on you. “I hope you know that my dear brother Zuzu won’t be coming back any time soon.”

This was the first time you’d heard about the Prince since the Agni Kai. She paused, waiting to see if she got a reaction out of you, but you were a trained assassin for Spirit’s sake, you had more control than that. Letting out a deep breath of air, you knew all you needed to do was stay calm.

“You do know what happened to him after you failed to protect him, don’t you? Oh! That’s right if I do recall correctly, you were so paralysed with what you had done, you didn’t even spare him a glance!” She let out a laugh as you remained still.

“Awww, yes! Poor Zuzu doesn’t even know what his ‘saviour’ looks like and he never will! You want to know why, scum?”

Not really but I guess I don’t have much of a choice.

“Because he will NEVER come back. He will NEVER step foot into the Fire Nation again because he was banished to capture the Avatar! It’s a bit ironic, don’t you think? All your pathetic little life, you have been KILLING to get out of here, gain your freedom, and you’re never going to get it. You’ll die in this cell. Yet, on the other hand, Zuzu wants nothing more than to come right home and stand by father’s side! That really does top it all off, doesn’t it, scum? You have trapped yourself here, to save someone who only just wants to come crawling right back. And if he ever did by some miracle, capture the Avatar? He would look you in the eyes and burn you himself for being such a traitor to this Nation.”

You tensed for a second, keeping your eyes closed you quickly regained composure. “Okay Azula, you’ve had your fun. That’s enough.”

She smirked with a sinister glint in her eyes. “You embarrassed him that day. You took away the little bit of dignity he could have had if you just let him get all his scars… Or at least let him die getting them.”

Enough.

“You will forever be a reminder of what should have been his. You’re going to die here for nothing.”

Enough.

“You thought you could do some good in this world? You were wrong! Your one poor excuse for saving someone’s life will always mean nothing! Zuko doesn’t care if you saved his life! He hates you! He hates you for taking away his dignity! You will die with him hating you! Your hope for doing good in this world means nothing because he is searching to take away the one thing that would end this war, even though they’re already dead!”

“THAT’S ENOUGH, AZULA!” Opening your eyes, they snapped from your usual e/c to a blinding golden light. The fire you trained for so long to control reached its tipping point and exploded from every pore in your body setting fire to anything in its wake. Azula rushed away from the bars of your cell as it melted around you. Feeling your hair raise in a halo of fire, you raised your right arm as a blast fired right next to her head. A warning shot.  

The guards outside of the cell who have been watching you since you were imprisoned, stared in shock. Not once had you shown any indication of being a fire bender.

Generally, in this state, you were unstoppable. A force even Zemin didn’t 100% know how to train, leaving you to your own devices. However, these weren’t normal circumstances. You have been tortured weekly, barely given any food or water and countless wounds that aren’t even close to being healed. After the sudden use of intense energy, you felt yourself passing out, allowing the guards to grab you quickly.

***

Groaning as if no time had passed, you found yourself chained up on a boat. “Am I going to be executed?” You weren’t sure if you were worried or hopeful at the possibility.

The female guard you knocked out on your first day in the palace sat next to you, letting out a sigh. “No, but you might as well be in your condition. You’re going to Boiling Rock, into The Cooler.”

SEVEN MONTHS

The guards came by the Cooler to deliver your food. They usually throw it to the ground and leave, but it seems today they received news that was too good to pass up the opportunity to torment you.

“Did you hear that kid? They tracked down your poor excuse of a trainer and killed him. Figured if the best he could produce was you, he wasn’t even worth sending to Boiling Rock.”

You remained curled up in the corner, unmoving as they laughed their way down the hallway. As their laughs slowly died down, you realised how pathetic you let yourself become.

Why did people have to keep dying because of you? You wanted to scream. Burn this stupid icebox down with your hands. Set the whole place to flames. But you were tired. So, so tired. You didn’t even have the energy anymore to cry when they burned you every week. Regularly being exposed to entirely polar elements began to fuck with your body. It didn’t know how to function anymore. Physically and mentally.

Despite being four months since your encounter with Azula, her words continued to spin in your mind every day. What seemed to break you the most was that you knew even if she were right, you’d do it again. If you could go back, you knew you would jump in front of him every time if it meant he was alive. Knowing he was far away from this hell hole brought you a weird sense of peace, regardless of if he was searching for the Avatar or not.

Unlike him, you weren’t far away from this wretched place. You were helpless.

Grabbing the old and cold bowl of rice, you finished your meal for the first time in three weeks.

EIGHT MONTHS

The guards walked in to take you to the palace for your weekly offer, and for the first time, you were already standing. After placing the chains to your wrists, they took you out of your cell just like they did every week. While travelling back to the Capital, you continuously persuaded yourself, this was the only way. You knew, deep down, this was the right choice. No matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise.

Entering the throne room, you make your way up to Ozai. Holding eye contact as the flames burn between you.

Bowing before him in the most traditional Fire Nation bow you can muster. You bring yourself back upright, stance and face stoic, contrasting the satisfied smirk on his face. For the first time, he doesn’t bother to make his offer.

“I am at your full service, and ready to comply my Fire Lord.”

A/N: Thank you to everyone who is reading this or coming from my old blog!! please follow this one and stick around, I am currently working on the third chapter and a lil sokka oneshot :)) and to my taglist, i love you all, thank you all so much, i’m so sorry that you all have to deal with me rn and im so so sorry <3

TAGLIST:

@slythergirlimagines​ @mangoberry43​ @eridanuswave​ @whiskeywinter89​ @callums-keith​ @kaylove12​ @simplyfandomish​ @khaleesi-of-assassins​

[fyexo]

200930 SuperM On Album Super One's Message, Friendship & Their Group Halloween Costume

What happens when you put together an Avengers-style K-pop group, featuring the top talent from some of South Korea's biggest boy bands, and unite their individual bands' fan bases? The boys of SuperM—Mark (from NCT and NCT 127), Kai (from EXO), Ten (from WayV and NCT), Lucas (from WayV and NCT), Taemin (from SHINee), Taeyong (from NCT and NCT 127), and Baekhyun (from EXO)—started that journey a year ago and made history.

With their first, self-titled EP, SuperM became the first debut K-pop act to reach #1 on the Billboard 200 albums chart. Nearly a year later, their first full-length album Super One is newly released—and very much influenced by the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, which has stalled most musicians' plans for touring and performing for fans. Songs like "Together at Home" poignantly touch on it, with lyrics focused on finding the silver lining and embracing little pleasures.

Taemin tells ELLE.com that the boys want Super One to bring joy to their fans, and a sense of unity as the world goes through this period of quarantining and social distancing. "We want our fans to know that despite the distance, we are together in spirit," he says. "We created this album wanting to give back to our fans who give us unconditional love and support. Hopefully through our music, they can feel the positive energy and find happiness and hope to help get through this difficult time together."

Below, the boys discuss the album with ELLE, along with insights into how their friendship changed during their first year as a group, their experiences quarantining, and what their group Halloween costume has to be.

How has it felt to watch K-pop, C-pop, and J-pop take off in the West over the past couple years, and be part of that moment?

Taemin: As a K-pop artist, I am very proud. From performing in Paris and L.A. for the first time to having fans recognize me when we were taking photos along Abbey Road in London, these moments don’t seem that long ago, but it’s amazing to see how quickly K-pop has become popular around the globe. I am proud to have been a part of this movement and I’ll continue to work hard to help take K-pop to greater heights.

Last October, you made history as the first debut Korean act to hit #1 on the Billboard 200 with your SuperM EP. How did it feel taking that in? As a group, what is your dream to accomplish in the U.S. music scene?

Baekhyun: To have our first debut album hit number one on the chart was an incredible honor and the happiest, unexpected surprise. This is all because of our fans and I am so grateful for all the love and support they have and continue to give us. This just made me want to work harder to create a better album and provide more amazing content that brings joy to the fans. As for my goal in the U.S. music scene, when everything gets better, it’d be a dream come true to perform during the Super Bowl Halftime Show!

You’ve all known each other for years before working together. What were your first impressions of each other?

Mark: Before coming together as SuperM, I always looked up to them as role models. It was a cool feeling to see them all when we first had our meeting. I was thrilled and really looking forward to being on a team with them. And so, getting close to them as a brother and as a person was a good transition from just knowing them as senior artists. They all have their own brother-like personalities and I’m really happy to be able to see that side of them and have them accept me as a brother too.

Kai told Billboard last October that there was "nothing new to learn" about each other since you’ve all been friends for years. But what has working together as a group on this album taught you musically?

Taeyong: All the members are great artists and performers—each with their own unique, individual charm. Put them together and you get this amazing synergy onstage that’s been fun to show our fans. There are so many lessons I’ve learned from being part of SuperM but I would have to say the older members’ leadership and their ability to empathize with others inspired me to become a better leader for NCT 127. They really listen to what you have to say and always give great advice so I try to be the same for NCT 127 and help bring out the best in each member. I still have a lot to learn but I’m always trying to improve and working with SuperM encourages me to do so.

Ten: I learned so much from all the members while working on this album. They give the best advice, especially the senior members. Taemin gave me great tips on how to better express myself on stage and Baekhyun helped me a lot with my vocals. Outside of work, we can have deep conversations about anything. We all began our career at a young age so they really understand what I’m going through and how I feel. I can always count on them when I need someone to talk to.

How has being bandmates changed your friendships over the last year?

Kai: In the beginning, because we mostly knew each other as juniors/seniors within the industry and label, it was slightly awkward. But once we started to get to know each other, we were all able to connect with each other within the older/younger brother dynamic, so now they really feel like brothers to me. And I want to keep it that way going forward.

What has been your favorite moment from your first year together?

Baekhyun: One of my favorite moments would have to be when we filmed the reality show together. It was fun to do “regular” things together like cooking, playing games, and doing challenges. Everyone has a great sense of humor so we laughed the entire time. It was a great opportunity for us to bond and we had a blast.

Kai: I’d have to say when we were touring around the world together—and more recently, when we got to shoot our own reality TV show. Each of those moments brought us much closer together.

Taemin: When we made our debut as SuperM, and held our very first showcase at Capitol Records. I remember thinking, "This is another new beginning for me" and it brought back old memories of when I auditioned for SM and debuted as SHINee. It felt like another new path was created for me and I remember feeling all kinds of emotions throughout the day.

Taeyong: If you think about it, a year is not that long, but we made so many memories together and I think that’s because we are all positive-minded people. In the past year, we spent almost half a year on a world tour and the other half practicing and preparing for our album. I’ve grown a lot both on a professional and personal level so I cherish every single moment!

Mark: I think it would have to be our debut showcase in L.A. at the Capitol Records Tower. We were nervous but it felt good that we were all nervous together. Sharing the same emotions with the members is a good feeling because you know we’re all in it together.

Ten: When we went on our world tour. Experiencing different cultures and meeting our fans worldwide was unforgettable. Also, we all got very close during the tour from being together 24/7. Because we come from different groups, this was our first time doing a tour together so we were able to really bond.

Lucas: Our first performance of "Jopping" in L.A. It was a great feeling to finally be able to show the world what we’ve been working really hard on. The audience’s energy, the city, and the overall vibe that day was incredible. I’ll never forget it.

What song on Super One are you most proud of and why?

Taeyong: I am most proud of "Together at Home." It’s a little more special to me because I wrote some of the lyrics for the song. I put a lot of thought into the messaging and wanted to say that even though we are not physically together, we can find new ways to be there for each other. With what’s going on right now, I feel like fans can relate to the message and find comfort knowing that no matter what, we’ll always find a way to reach them. It’s a feel-good song that anyone can hum along to.

Lucas: I choose "Infinity." You can really feel our energy and our ambition "to go to infinity." Our title song, "One," is a hybrid remix that combines "Infinity" and "Monster" so it’s fun to hear the two tracks on their own and then hear "One" which has a completely different vibe. Each has its own charm.

Mark, you helped write "100" and Taeyong and Mark, you worked together to write "Together at Home." What do those songs mean to you? How has your songwriting evolved as you’ve worked on more music?

Taeyong: "Together at Home" [has] special meaning to me. When writing the lyrics, I tried to be as honest as possible with my feelings and thankfully, the team loved it, so I was very happy about that. Hopefully fans can also feel the sincerity of the message and like the song as much as I do.

Mark: It was fun writing both songs but I enjoyed "Together at Home" a little more because it really suits the current situation we’re all going through and I could really relate to it. Through this process, I realized how important it is to stay true to yourself. You can get inspired and get ideas from basically everything around you, but ultimately, you need to interpret them in your own way. Staying true to yourself differentiates you from other artists. This is what I always try to bring alive through my music.

Who would you love to collaborate with?

Taemin: I would love to collaborate with Jessie J one day. Her performances are very sincere and I can feel her singing from the heart. I admire her energy and passion onstage and she is someone I feel I can learn a lot from. I also think we would create great synergy together if we collaborated!

You all are incredible dancers. What song from Super One has your favorite choreography so far?

Kai: I personally like "Tiger Inside." The choreography is inspired by the movement of a tiger and fits perfectly with the concept and theme of the song. I like that the choreography has its own storyline.

Quarantine and COVID-19 have drastically changed every musicians’ plans for the year. What is a day in the life of quarantine like for you? What things have you done for self-care when the days have felt harder?

Ten: First, I do the basics like wash my hands often, take vitamins, eat healthy, and exercise. But, most importantly, I’ve been keeping myself busy at home relaxing, practicing my vocals and dancing skills, finding new hobbies, and trying new activities that I didn’t have the time to try before. I was actually surprised at how much you can do at home.

Is there anything you can tease about what fans can expect for your next tour?

Mark: When we are able to tour again, I can guarantee we’ll be preparing the best show ever. As much as we missed out on a lot of shows due to inevitable circumstances, when it’s safe and the next tour opens, we’ll bring everything we have for the fans, especially songs from Super One.

What Halloween group costume will SuperM do this year?

Mark: It would have to be The Avengers! And if I were to do it myself, it would still be a character from The Avengers. Maybe Spider-Man? It’s a character fans really like and I think it suits me really well.

What's an entertainment pick—TV show, music, movie, video game, book—you’ve loved in quarantine?

Baekhyun: I’m sure many people are already watching a lot of Netflix and YouTube videos at home. Rather than an entertainment pick, I think it’s a great idea to take advantage of the time we have and start a new hobby you can do indoors—like learning to play a new instrument. Everyone has something they’ve always wanted to try but never did. Now is a great time to start! If you're interested in learning a new instrument, there are many great books and tutorial videos online so you can teach yourself!

Taeyong: SuperM videos! We created a lot of content for you guys and they’ll definitely keep you entertained and make time go by faster. Hopefully they’ll make you laugh too!

What’s next for SuperM?

Baekhyun: Fans have already seen our powerful, energetic side through our performances. Now, we want to get closer to the fans and show them more of our "human" side—who we are off-stage. Of course, we’ll continue to bring great performances but at the same time, we want fans to feel comfortable approaching us and not feel so distant. Most importantly, I want fans to find comfort and positive energy in our music.

Alyssa Bailey @ ELLE

[dailyexo]

[INTERVIEW] Baekhyun, Kai - 201001 Elle: “SuperM On Album Super One's Message, Friendship & Their Group Halloween Costume”

"What happens when you put together an Avengers-style K-pop group, featuring the top talent from some of South Korea's biggest boy bands, and unite their individual bands' fan bases? The boys of SuperM—Mark (from NCT and NCT 127), Kai (from EXO), Ten (from WayV and NCT), Lucas (from WayV and NCT), Taemin (from SHINee), Taeyong (from NCT and NCT 127), and Baekhyun (from EXO)—started that journey a year ago and made history.

With their first, self-titled EP, SuperM became the first debut K-pop act to reach #1 on the Billboard 200 albums chart. Nearly a year later, their first full-length album Super One is newly released—and very much influenced by the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, which has stalled most musicians' plans for touring and performing for fans. Songs like "Together at Home" poignantly touch on it, with lyrics focused on finding the silver lining and embracing little pleasures.

Taemin tells ELLE.com that the boys want Super One to bring joy to their fans, and a sense of unity as the world goes through this period of quarantining and social distancing. "We want our fans to know that despite the distance, we are together in spirit," he says. "We created this album wanting to give back to our fans who give us unconditional love and support. Hopefully through our music, they can feel the positive energy and find happiness and hope to help get through this difficult time together."

Below, the boys discuss the album with ELLE, along with insights into how their friendship changed during their first year as a group, their experiences quarantining, and what their group Halloween costume has to be.

How has it felt to watch K-pop, C-pop, and J-pop take off in the West over the past couple years, and be part of that moment?

Taemin: As a K-pop artist, I am very proud. From performing in Paris and L.A. for the first time to having fans recognize me when we were taking photos along Abbey Road in London, these moments don’t seem that long ago, but it’s amazing to see how quickly K-pop has become popular around the globe. I am proud to have been a part of this movement and I’ll continue to work hard to help take K-pop to greater heights.

Last October, you made history as the first debut Korean act to hit #1 on the Billboard 200 with your SuperM EP. How did it feel taking that in? As a group, what is your dream to accomplish in the U.S. music scene?

Baekhyun: To have our first debut album hit number one on the chart was an incredible honor and the happiest, unexpected surprise. This is all because of our fans and I am so grateful for all the love and support they have and continue to give us. This just made me want to work harder to create a better album and provide more amazing content that brings joy to the fans. As for my goal in the U.S. music scene, when everything gets better, it’d be a dream come true to perform during the Super Bowl Halftime Show!

You’ve all known each other for years before working together. What were your first impressions of each other?

Mark: Before coming together as SuperM, I always looked up to them as role models. It was a cool feeling to see them all when we first had our meeting. I was thrilled and really looking forward to being on a team with them. And so, getting close to them as a brother and as a person was a good transition from just knowing them as senior artists. They all have their own brother-like personalities and I’m really happy to be able to see that side of them and have them accept me as a brother too.

Kai told Billboard last October that there was "nothing new to learn" about each other since you’ve all been friends for years. But what has working together as a group on this album taught you musically?

Taeyong: All the members are great artists and performers—each with their own unique, individual charm. Put them together and you get this amazing synergy onstage that’s been fun to show our fans. There are so many lessons I’ve learned from being part of SuperM but I would have to say the older members’ leadership and their ability to empathize with others inspired me to become a better leader for NCT 127. They really listen to what you have to say and always give great advice so I try to be the same for NCT 127 and help bring out the best in each member. I still have a lot to learn but I’m always trying to improve and working with SuperM encourages me to do so.

Ten: I learned so much from all the members while working on this album. They give the best advice, especially the senior members. Taemin gave me great tips on how to better express myself on stage and Baekhyun helped me a lot with my vocals. Outside of work, we can have deep conversations about anything. We all began our career at a young age so they really understand what I’m going through and how I feel. I can always count on them when I need someone to talk to.

How has being bandmates changed your friendships over the last year?

Kai: In the beginning, because we mostly knew each other as juniors/seniors within the industry and label, it was slightly awkward. But once we started to get to know each other, we were all able to connect with each other within the older/younger brother dynamic, so now they really feel like brothers to me. And I want to keep it that way going forward.

What has been your favorite moment from your first year together?

Baekhyun: One of my favorite moments would have to be when we filmed the reality show together. It was fun to do “regular” things together like cooking, playing games, and doing challenges. Everyone has a great sense of humor so we laughed the entire time. It was a great opportunity for us to bond and we had a blast.

Kai: I’d have to say when we were touring around the world together—and more recently, when we got to shoot our own reality TV show. Each of those moments brought us much closer together.

Taemin: When we made our debut as SuperM, and held our very first showcase at Capitol Records. I remember thinking, "This is another new beginning for me" and it brought back old memories of when I auditioned for SM and debuted as SHINee. It felt like another new path was created for me and I remember feeling all kinds of emotions throughout the day.

Taeyong: If you think about it, a year is not that long, but we made so many memories together and I think that’s because we are all positive-minded people. In the past year, we spent almost half a year on a world tour and the other half practicing and preparing for our album. I’ve grown a lot both on a professional and personal level so I cherish every single moment!

Mark: I think it would have to be our debut showcase in L.A. at the Capitol Records Tower. We were nervous but it felt good that we were all nervous together. Sharing the same emotions with the members is a good feeling because you know we’re all in it together.

Ten: When we went on our world tour. Experiencing different cultures and meeting our fans worldwide was unforgettable. Also, we all got very close during the tour from being together 24/7. Because we come from different groups, this was our first time doing a tour together so we were able to really bond.

Lucas: Our first performance of "Jopping" in L.A. It was a great feeling to finally be able to show the world what we’ve been working really hard on. The audience’s energy, the city, and the overall vibe that day was incredible. I’ll never forget it.

What song on Super One are you most proud of and why?

Taeyong: I am most proud of "Together at Home." It’s a little more special to me because I wrote some of the lyrics for the song. I put a lot of thought into the messaging and wanted to say that even though we are not physically together, we can find new ways to be there for each other. With what’s going on right now, I feel like fans can relate to the message and find comfort knowing that no matter what, we’ll always find a way to reach them. It’s a feel-good song that anyone can hum along to.

Lucas: I choose "Infinity." You can really feel our energy and our ambition "to go to infinity." Our title song, "One," is a hybrid remix that combines "Infinity" and "Monster" so it’s fun to hear the two tracks on their own and then hear "One" which has a completely different vibe. Each has its own charm.

Mark, you helped write "100" and Taeyong and Mark, you worked together to write "Together at Home." What do those songs mean to you? How has your songwriting evolved as you’ve worked on more music?

Taeyong: "Together at Home" [has] special meaning to me. When writing the lyrics, I tried to be as honest as possible with my feelings and thankfully, the team loved it, so I was very happy about that. Hopefully fans can also feel the sincerity of the message and like the song as much as I do.

Mark: It was fun writing both songs but I enjoyed "Together at Home" a little more because it really suits the current situation we’re all going through and I could really relate to it. Through this process, I realized how important it is to stay true to yourself. You can get inspired and get ideas from basically everything around you, but ultimately, you need to interpret them in your own way. Staying true to yourself differentiates you from other artists. This is what I always try to bring alive through my music.

Who would you love to collaborate with?

Taemin: I would love to collaborate with Jessie J one day. Her performances are very sincere and I can feel her singing from the heart. I admire her energy and passion onstage and she is someone I feel I can learn a lot from. I also think we would create great synergy together if we collaborated!

You all are incredible dancers. What song from Super One has your favorite choreography so far?

Kai: I personally like "Tiger Inside." The choreography is inspired by the movement of a tiger and fits perfectly with the concept and theme of the song. I like that the choreography has its own storyline.

Quarantine and COVID-19 have drastically changed every musicians’ plans for the year. What is a day in the life of quarantine like for you? What things have you done for self-care when the days have felt harder?

Ten: First, I do the basics like wash my hands often, take vitamins, eat healthy, and exercise. But, most importantly, I’ve been keeping myself busy at home relaxing, practicing my vocals and dancing skills, finding new hobbies, and trying new activities that I didn’t have the time to try before. I was actually surprised at how much you can do at home.

Is there anything you can tease about what fans can expect for your next tour?

Mark: When we are able to tour again, I can guarantee we’ll be preparing the best show ever. As much as we missed out on a lot of shows due to inevitable circumstances, when it’s safe and the next tour opens, we’ll bring everything we have for the fans, especially songs from Super One.

What Halloween group costume will SuperM do this year?

Mark: It would have to be The Avengers! And if I were to do it myself, it would still be a character from The Avengers. Maybe Spider-Man? It’s a character fans really like and I think it suits me really well.

What's an entertainment pick—TV show, music, movie, video game, book—you’ve loved in quarantine?

Baekhyun: I’m sure many people are already watching a lot of Netflix and YouTube videos at home. Rather than an entertainment pick, I think it’s a great idea to take advantage of the time we have and start a new hobby you can do indoors—like learning to play a new instrument. Everyone has something they’ve always wanted to try but never did. Now is a great time to start! If you're interested in learning a new instrument, there are many great books and tutorial videos online so you can teach yourself!

Taeyong: SuperM videos! We created a lot of content for you guys and they’ll definitely keep you entertained and make time go by faster. Hopefully they’ll make you laugh too!

What’s next for SuperM?

Baekhyun: Fans have already seen our powerful, energetic side through our performances. Now, we want to get closer to the fans and show them more of our "human" side—who we are off-stage. Of course, we’ll continue to bring great performances but at the same time, we want fans to feel comfortable approaching us and not feel so distant. Most importantly, I want fans to find comfort and positive energy in our music."

Credit: Elle.

[puttingherinhistory]

December 27, 2015 by Suzannah Weiss

I was young when I came to discover masturbation, and I had orgasms long before I knew what they were.

Nothing about it seemed complicated. I just rubbed “down there” for a few minutes, and it happened. But later, magazines, comedy routines, and sitcoms taught me that my body – and vaginas in general – were mysterious and complex, often too complex for those without them to figure out.

Confirming what I’d been taught, orgasms weren’t as simple with partners as they were by myself. This is to be expected to some extent. There’s a learning curve when you’re getting to know someone new. But what confused me was that not everyone seemed eager to learn.

“Sorry,” I (unnecessarily) apologized to a partner for taking what I thought was too long.

“It’s okay. I know it’s harder for girls,” he said – and then stopped.

Compounding the lack of effort I encountered from some (though not all) partners, it became harder for me to orgasm when I started SSRI antidepressants. When I told my doctor, she said, “Oh, that’s hard for a lot of women anyway.”

I knew my body long and well enough to know being a woman wasn’t to blame, but others didn’t share my view that the problem was fixable. I grew hesitant to bring it up with partners out of fear that asking them to perform the supposedly impossible feat of getting a woman off was too demanding.

Orgasm doesn’t have to be the focus of sex, but if a woman wants one, she should have as much of a right to request it as anyone else does.

When people say that women’s bodies are more difficult – and these generalizations typically refer to cis women and are accompanied by rants about how complicated vaginas are – they teach cis women that an orgasm is too tall an order.

Trans women also have a slew of sexual stigmas attached to them, which Kai Cheng Thom describes here, though they’re beyond the scope of this article. In addition, though most research on orgasm inequity has studied cis women, trans and non-binary people with vaginas may relate to the frustrations of being taught their genitals are impossible to decode, too.

The view that cis women are hard to please maintains what sociologists call the orgasm gap, in which men have three orgasms for every one a woman enjoys, and 57% of women orgasm during all or most of their sexual encounters, but 95% say their partners do.

These statistics may appear to confirm the stereotype that women’s bodies are more complicated, but there are other forces at work.

As sociologist Lisa Wade points out, the orgasm gap is conditional. Lesbians report orgasming 74.7% of the time, only 10 percentage points lower than gay men. In addition, women take under four minutes on average to masturbate to orgasm.

If these statistics don’t convince you that there’s more to the orgasm gap than biology, here are twelve cultural factors that contribute to it.

1. People Believe Women Are Less Sexual

Women, the story goes, aren’t that into sex.

They may enjoy it, but they do it partially in exchange for validation, commitment, or financial support, popular wisdom says. As long as a woman is getting one of those things, she doesn’t need much out of the sex itself.

To the contrary, a lot of research and lived experiences indicate that women are as capable of wanting and enjoying sex as men.

Until we acknowledge this, we won’t prioritize making sex as enjoyable as possible for women because we’ll believe sexual pleasure isn’t as important to them.

It may not be because women themselves may buy into myths about their gender, neglecting their desires because they’re not supposed to have them. If they do, they and their partners miss out on balanced sexual interactions, not to mention fun.

2. Pornography Privileges Male Pleasure

Most people who have watched porn videos know they typically culminate with a “money shot” in which the man comes, and then the scene ends. Most woman-focused orgasms depicted in porn are merely incidental events on the path to a man’s pleasure.

Additionally, most mainstream porn scenes feel incomplete without blow jobs, while cunnilingus is less common.

All in all, the message is clear: It’s imperative that a man gets off, and if a woman manages to in the process, props to him, but it’s just an added bonus.

3. The Myth of ‘Blue Balls’ Persists

Blue balls, according to Urban Dictionary, is “the excrutiating [sic] pain a man receives when his balls swell to the size of coconuts because of lack of sex, unfinished bjs, and just not cummin when he knows he should.”

The entitlement reflected in this description is characteristic of most uses of the term “blue balls.” While vasocongestion, the accumulation of blood flow to the genitals, can occasionally cause mild pain in people with any genitals, this is not what men are usually referring to when they complain about blue balls. And whether they’re experiencing this or just sexual frustration, it’s never anyone else’s duty to relieve it.

Even though most women know no medical condition results from an erection that doesn’t lead to an orgasm, many of us feel guilty for not providing one. So, in addition to some men’s lack of effort to pleasure women, the pressure many women feel to pleasure men maintains the orgasm gap.

4. There’s More Information in the Media About Pleasing Cis Men Than Women

As a teenager, my secret guilty pleasure was buying copies of Cosmo from the drugstore and hiding them under my pillow to read at night.

I read all their sex articles just because I found anything sex-related titillating, but along the way, I learned all about different tricks to please men – and cis men, specifically. By the time I encountered a real-life penis, I already knew all the basic tricks in the book, plus some out-there ones my dude friends urged me not to try.

I don’t know what most teenage boys’ secret reading material was, but there aren’t many mainstream men’s magazines as obsessed with pleasing women as women’s are with pleasing men. If anything, I’ve heard it’s common for boys to sneak glimpses of Playboy, which is also geared toward pleasing men.

Maybe this explains why 25% of men and 30% of women can’t locate the clitoris on a diagram.

Amid all the advice we read about different ways to hold and touch a penis, many remain in the dark about vulvas and vaginas.

5. Hookup Culture Privileges Male Pleasure

“I will do everything in my power to, like whoever I’m with, to get [him] off,” one woman said in a study by Elizabeth Armstrong on college hookups. But when it came to their own pleasure, women held different expectations.

“The guy kind of expects to get off, while the girl doesn’t expect anything,” a woman in another study by Lisa Wade said.

Accordingly, one man in Armstrong’s study boasted, “I’m all about making her orgasm,” but when asked to clarify the word “her,” he added, “Girlfriend her. In a hookup her, I don’t give a shit.” Perhaps he sensed that women don’t expect much from their hookups.

Statistics about women’s orgasms reflect these attitudes.

The ratio of men’s and women’s orgasms is 3.1:1 for first-time hookups, but only 1.25:1 for relationships.

For whatever reason, hookup culture appears to have embraced the message espoused by the media that women’s orgasms are optional, while men’s are obligatory.

6. Sex Education Doesn’t Teach Us About Pleasure, Especially Female Pleasure

Like many schools in the US, mine only had a couple of days a year dedicated to sex education in middle and high school. During the initial classes on puberty, the portion about women was on periods and the portion about men was on erections, ejaculation, and wet dreams.

Already, our bodies were associated with making babies, while boys’ were associated with sexual arousal and pleasure.

Later on, we learned how to use a condom – along with how to complete a very normative sequence of events. You put it on, we were told, and then you have intercourse, and then someone ejaculates, and then you pull out and take it off. Men’s orgasms, but not women’s, were built into our safer sex lesson.

Nobody said “then you stop whenever you feel like it” or “your partner may need you to pull out” (because, contrary to what we see in porn, not every woman is multi-orgasmic and many have a refractory period, so we can’t all comfortably keep going until our partner wants to stop).

This is one sneaky way we learn to prioritize men’s pleasure without ever really learning about pleasure at all.

7. Self-Evaluative Thoughts Can Disrupt Women’s Arousal Process

Due to the emphasis on women’s appearances in mainstream porn and throughout the media, women learn to picture themselves during sex.

“How does my stomach look from this angle,” “Does my face look sexy or silly in this expression,” and “Would it be sexier if I made more noise?” are a few thoughts that have distracted me in the bedroom.

And I don’t think I’m alone: 32% of women say that when they don’t orgasm, it’s often because they’re stuck in their heads or focused on their looks.

Orgasm itself can become a source of performance anxiety.

Because the women’s orgasms are dramatized in porn and the media, with exaggerated moans and calculated facial expressions, some women feel so much pressure that fear of not coming keeps them from coming. This pressure can also lead women to fake orgasms instead of sticking it out for a real one.

Once again, women’s magazines don’t help.

Cosmo even provides a guide on “how to look even hotter naked.” Though “even” implies the reader looks hot already, the pre-bedroom workout routine and self-tanner application tips make it clear we don’t look as hot as we could – and even if we do, the focus is still on our partner’s pleasure, not what we see or feel.

Thoughts about partners’ perceptions place women outside their bodies, looking in, rather than inside them, feeling the sensations the sexual activity is causing. It’s hard to have an orgasm when you’re not even thinking sexual thoughts.

8. Sexual Trauma Can Impede Arousal and Orgasm

It’s extremely common for women to experience sexual trauma within their lifetimes. One out of six women has been the victim of attempted or completed rape.

According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, this trauma can have lasting effects on one’s sex life.

“Sexual assault can rob your enjoyment of sex and can make any type of intimacy feel scary,” she said. “Some survivors experience feelings of disconnect or dissociation when they’re having sex. Others can easily get triggered by being touched in certain places or in specific ways.”

Marin recommends that survivors seek out therapy or a support group so they don’t have to deal with the effects of their pasts alone.

In the short-term, Marin has written that reminding yourself you’re with your partner, not the person who assaulted you, can quell trauma-related sexual problems. “Of course your brain knows that it’s [them], but this exercise can help the more subconscious parts of your psyche start to relax,” she writes.

Other emotions women disproportionately experience around sex, such as guilt and shame, may also lead to anorgasmia.

9. More Women Than Men Are on Antidepressants

SSRI antidepressants, like Prozac and Zoloft, can cause anorgasmia. This side effect isn’t gender-specific, but antidepressants themselves are.

Between 2001 and 2010, 25% of American women (but only 15% of men) had been prescribed medication for mental health conditions.

This may occur because women are more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression, both frequently treated with SSRIs, the medication class most commonly known to cause anorgasmia. There are many theories as to why, but one possible source of this difference is societal misogyny.

As Ally Boghun writes of her anxiety, “A lot of the stressors that impact me the most are actually stressors put upon women by society to look and act in certain ways.” In addition, women are more likely to seek therapy, since toxic standards of masculinity deter men from discussing their emotions.

This is one case where the orgasm gap may be related to biological differences, but the sources of these differences are still societal.

10. Women Are Discouraged from Asking for What They Want

Women are taught to accommodate others’ wishes and put their own on the back burner, to be pleasant and polite and grateful and not ask for more, whether that’s food, payment, or sexual pleasure.

To bring back Armstrong’s research, one woman said she didn’t have the “right” to request an orgasm and “felt kind of guilty almost, like I felt like I was kind of subjecting [guys] to something they didn’t want to do and I felt bad about it.”

I can relate: I’ve said “sorry” many times for requesting or giving myself the stimulation I wanted, for taking what I thought was too much time, and for receiving pleasure without immediately returning it.

The same fear that keeps women from voicing their opinions in work meetings or negotiating salaries also keeps us from speaking up in bed.

But until we can “lean in” without bumping into hostility, women can’t singlehandedly solve this problem in any domain. It’s also up to our partners, coworkers, and others to make it clear they want to hear and accommodate our wishes.

11. The Normative Definition of Sex Isn’t Optimal for Many Women’s Orgasms

When someone says “sex,” most people think of penis-in-vagina intercourse, even though it means many different things to different people.

For example, some couples may see oral sex as sex. Some may also put oral or manual sex on the same level as penetrative sex, but this is still not the norm.

When someone talks about losing their virginity, for instance, we usually assume they’re talking about the first time they had penis-in-vagina intercourse.

This assumption can be problematic for women who get off more easily through other activities.

In one survey, 20% of women said they seldom or never had orgasms during intercourse. Only 25% said they consistently do. In another, 38% said that when they don’t orgasm, a common obstacle is “not enough clitoral stimulation.”

Since penetrative sex often doesn’t directly stimulate the clitoris, this could explain why other types of sex – or clitoral stimulation during intercourse, which women considered the most common way they got off with a partner – may be more optimal.

When we consider the activities that often help women reach orgasm as warmup or extra, we deprioritize women’s pleasure.

12. People Think the Orgasm Gap Is Biological

Orgasm inequity is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When men believe women’s bodies are an impossible puzzle, they don’t try to solve it. Neither do women who are taught their own pleasure is inaccessible.

That’s why it’s important we acknowledge all the societal factors that contribute to this discrepancy. Genetics can’t be fixed, but a lot of these problems can, which means that closing the orgasm gap is possible.

***

If you’re a woman having trouble orgasming, it’s likely not you. It may not be the result of any carelessness on your partner’s part either. You may just need to talk about it, challenge the myths you’ve learned about sexuality, and, if necessary, seek help for any psychological or medical conditions that could be contributing to the problem.

Or maybe it’s not a problem at all. Maybe orgasming isn’t important to you, and that’s your choice as well. But if it is something you would like, you have the same right to ask for it as your partner. If he expects orgasms from you, he shouldn’t mind you wanting one.

It’s not too much to ask, and your anatomy isn’t too complicated. The only thing that’s complicated is the toxic set of messages we’re taught about sexuality. But that’s not on you or your body.

[yaboymercury]

Gassy Lessons - First class: English

Jay was pissed. Despite being the first week of his second attempt at his last year of high school, he had already missed the first assignment. His English teacher Mr Stevens would usually let someone get away with just a warning, but since Jay was redoing the year he had higher expectations which was why when Jay was supposed to be heading home he was stuck in his English classroom.

Sitting in the middle desk of the small room Jay considered just leaving since Stevens was taking his time arriving. He had done so multiple times during his previous years in the school but decided against it since he didn't really want to get himself in anything deeper wanting this school year to go as smoothly as possible.

Before he had any more time to think on it though his teacher walked in.

Despite the circumstances Jay usually liked the teacher, but not particularly for his teaching. Since Mr Stevens was so passionate about English he tended to get up from his desk and walk around the room reading passages, making dramatic movements to emphasize what he was saying and occasionally scribbling down hasty notes on the board at the front. While many students found this method engaging, Jay tended to be more interested in how all this movement made the teachers thick chino covered ass move and shake providing enough motivation for Jay to attend the lessons. On top of his ass though Jay found the rest of the teacher attractive with his medium length messy brown hair, cute glasses and young features giving him almost a dreamy quality to the rebellious student.

But obviously today Jay was more annoyed at the man who was obviously making a move to prove himself as an authority with the detention as he sat down at his desk and gave Jay an icy look. Turning away from Jay we peered into his desk draws and pulled out a thin battered paperback book. He stood up and strolled over to Kay and placed handed him the book which had obviously seen better days.

"Since you obviously aren't committed to your work yet this year, all I'm going to ask you to do is read through this poetry collection and take in some of the messages of the poems, once you're done tell me."

And with that he turned back to return to his desk, and of course Jay took the opportunity to peek at his ass barely being held back by his trousers.

Jay was relieved that the book looked short being only a dozen pages long, so he thought he might as well get it over with. As he opened the cover before he could even process the first words on the page he was assaulted by a wretched smell hitting him like a train. Not wanting to react to harshly in front of the teacher he withheld a gag but the stench wasn't holding up. It had to have come from the book Jay thought as the stink arrived as soon as he opened it, daring to confirm his suspicions he brought the page slightly closer to his nose his theory was confirmed as it seemed the cloud of stink grew stronger the closer he got to it. In an attempt to stop the smell Jay slammed the book closed and attempted to get a breathe of fresh air to cleanse his palette.

"Focus on you work Jay" He heard from the desk as soon as he closed the book. Mr Stevens look had become more mischevious with a slight glimmer of a smirk as he stared down his student.

"Yes sir" Jay responded picking the book back up. As he did so the teacher withdrew a Tupperware box from his bag which he opened and began to eat from. Jay couldn't tell exactly what he was eating but it looked something like an eggy salad with a lot of thick creamy dressing.

Switching his attention back to the book he opened the next page and was again hit with a stink but this time stronger, more rotten. He couldn't hold back a choke this time as he felt his air supply being attacked. His eyes watered as he attempted to power through the attack on his senses, he could feel the toxicity of the pages radiating out of the book.

Moving through the pages he tried to stay on each for a little while to give the illusion he was reading but as they went on the smell got worse. Continuing through the pages he aimlessly hopes for maybe just one clean page so he could focus but the smell only got worse. It was in fact quite the opposite as he began to notice marks on the page, greenish brown stains on some of the pages. He didn't want to believe it at first but he knew that he could recognise the smell all along.

It was the undeniable smell of rotten gassy farts. He gulped making the disgusting realisation and as he did he heard a snicker from his usually nice and helpful teacher who had just finished eating. What was once just a smirk had turned into a malicious grin as he wiped his mouth, Jay put the pieces together and knew exactly wear the farts were sourced from.

Turning to the last page there was a deep dirty green stain in the middle, the stench radiating out of it was sickening makinf Jay gag as he closed the last page and tried to recover from the second hand fart attack he has just experienced.

"Oh so you're finished?" Mr Stevens said standing "So what did you think of the collection? I find the words so engrossing, the really create a sensory experience don't they?" He knew what he was doing mocking Jay with the words as he sauntered towards him.

"Why did you do it?" Jay looked up at the teacher with his eyes still wet from experiencing the smell.

"Do what?" He replied with fake concern, but immediately answered himself "Oh you mean this?" He put one hand on Jays desk and leaned forward looking down at his student with a mean smile.

PRRRRRRRRRRRAPP

The fart blasted into the classroom echoing on the walls, even though it wasn't aimed at him the stink still reached Jay, the smell being fresh hit him harder making him recoil.

"Well being a teacher means I can't exactly be farting around in lessons so between classes I often relieve myself into my favourite book." He explained snatching the book back from Jay. "I've been saving it for a special occasion, so when I saw my favourite pervy student was behind on work I thought I could teach him a stinky lesson."

"What do you mean pervy?" Jay said feigning indifference trying to avoid eye contact with the sadistic teacher.

"Don't be stupid Jay, you really think I haven't noticed you staring at this ass for the years I've been teaching you?" He turned around letting Jay get a close look at the cheeks up close, Jay obviously couldn't resist not being able to tear his eyes from it.

Prrrrrap

The fart was small but packed a punch making him pull back. But despite the horrific smell, Jay was now sporting a hard on beneath the desk after being so close to the ass of his dreams. "Who knows? Maybe I like the attention you give it Jay?" Stevens said sitting down in the chair in front of Jay turning it around to face him.

In shock from everything Jay was surprised when the teacher asked "So Jay what was your favourite line from the collection?" Jay had completely forgotten he was supposed to actually read the collection.

"I'm sorry sir I can't remember any of it"

"That's disappointing Jay, it really is. I'd have to say mine would be the line from page 3..." He leaned over in the chair dramatically and winced a little:

FRAAAAAAAAARP FFRRRRRTT

"I just really think it's an important message which gives off a really strong aromatic sensation."

He wasn't wrong, after the flatulence had amplified massively off the wooden chair it went straight for Jay's nostrils with a dirty stink. The teacher stood up and began to waft his hand behind his big ass as he paced in front of Jay's desk where he sat stunned at the gassy skill of his teacher.

"What about the line from the fourth piece Jay do you think you could read it out for me?" Jay knew what he wanted but he really wasn't sure if he would be able to pull it off. He tensed in his chair pushing all he could.

Frrttt

"God Jay that was pathetic, almost disrespectful, have I failed you as a teacher?" He said in fake anger "It's supposed to go like this!" He stopped in front of the desk turning around and leaned over his hands on the desk in front of Jay. His amazing ass was pointing right at Jay and even though he knew what was coming the ass tempted him closer.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPTTT

But it was like the blast pushed him right back with a cloud of powerful stink.

"Ahh much better don't you think?" the teacher looked back at his student dazed in a cloud of his stink. Mr Stevens leaned into Jay and gave his student a sniff. "Wow Jay you really smell like you've learnt your lesson" he said giggling at his stink covered student.

"Despite loving the whole collection Jay, what I love the most about the book is how it ends, do you remember it Jay?" Jay recalled the stain on the last page and the unbelievable stench of it, but in fear of what it may mean all he could muster was a weak shake of his head. Ominously Mr Stevens stomach rumbled.

"Oh Jay" be said pitifully "I think you do remember, and with the help of my egg salad from earlier I think my rotten ass can remind you." The thought terrified Jay.

Usually the sight of his sexiest teacher sliding out of his painted on trousers would excite Jay but seeing a matching streak stain on his white briefs terrified the student.

" Hopefully you can learn something from this..." The teacher said as he wrapped his hands behind Jay's head and pulled him nose first right into his stained crack. The last thing Jake could remember was the engulfing sound of gas enveloping his face and the stink of eggy flatulence filling up his head.

[princes-and-tutors]

Headcanon time

Ok so. So Kai is most definitely obviously autistic and he is a sweetheart and I love him and I'm probly gonna write a post on him too cause he's my fav

But

But

I wanna talk about autistic Leonhard

Cause he's autistic and I have evidence

Not very good socially (and knows it, which is good, but probably doesn't help his anxiety any)

Has trouble telling his maid thank you that is such an autistic thing you don't understand, that little hand up waitwaitwaitwait happens so much because you're just not processing fast enough and by the time your mind catches up to actually make words they're already gone and you feel like a jerk cause you didn't say what you wanted to

The hand thing

Has an extreme hatred of carrots and bell peppers

He hates them enough that he still removes them from his food even though not eating them makes him feel bad enough about himself that he WRITES ABOUT IT IN HIS JOURNAL Most fifteen year olds without some kind of sensory issue or other problems can force themselves to eat things they don't like if they feel that strong about eating it

I mean

He gags at the mention of them, I know there are certain textures and sensations that are just-just no when someone even talks about it and I'm not even experiencing it at the moment but I might as well be and-anyway 

IT'S A SENSORY THING IS WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THAT *cough* anyway

Fairly black and white viewpoints

I'm not even really talking about his "catching all the bad guys" thing, because honestly that seems to be more the fact that he's lived in the palace his whole life and hasn't actually learned very much about the outside world and eventually someone will have to explain the whole 'not everyone is breaking the law because they're a 'bad guy' thing

No, I'm talking about his "all tutors are my enemy" thing.

The exact wording was "the fact that you are a tutor makes you despicable" This is very final wording. The thing is either good or bad and there is no in between, it is really hard to understand how someone else can think differently when the thing is so obviously bad, he doesn't even try to listen to Heine about him (Heine) being a likable tutor because this is something he has experience in; and his experience says that all tutors are bad, and that no tutor will actually work with him.   His tutor(s) before singled him out and yelled at him because he had trouble learning and of course this one won't be any different.  It's only after Heine assures him that he is not the one to blame for his grade on the test and explains how he is planning to teach them that he even tries to change his thinking

His anxiety

This teen has problems in certain social situations and knows it He has a journal all for worries and regrets, filled with things that are kind of actually a problem like running away from things he doesn't like to things that are just kind of rude, or things that only he probably noticed, like not saying thank you to a maid or not eating his bell peppers. He seems to have at least some social anxiety A lot of people with autism have anxiety, social or not.

His problems with learning (aka Why no, not all people with autism are math geniuses) (also known as: a reason why you might be able to think of him as adhd or add, but I don't know enough about either to say)

He has apparently had trouble with learning since he was little, enough so that his first tutor noticed and called him out for it, I also want to say something about what the tutor says in the flashback, in the English version,(which was the last one I watched, it seems to be pretty faithful to the original, but I'll watch it again later) he says something along the lines of, "why are you taking so long with such a simple problem?" now this is important and I'll explain why in a minute, but first I wanna tell you about

Executive Functioning Executive functioning is how your brain solves problems, and not just 1+1=2 type problems either, or even social problems, but like getting food and continuing to live type problems, if you had zero executive functioning then, well, you would probably never do anything, and by anything I mean anything, you would probably just sit in one place and want to do the thing, but you would never do it, because you couldn't figure out how. (of course, I don't know this is the case, considering I haven't researched it, but that is my rather unscientific explanation based on living with less executive functioning skills than most people)

A lot of people with autism have executive functioning issues,(along with add/adhd and quite a few other disabilities) having less EF can make it harder to do a lot of things, but I'm gonna focus on school It not only affects the school work itself(I think we can agree that something that affects how the brain addresses problems can be... Detrimental, say the least) It can also affect how well you follow directions (there are often steps that are skipped in instructions because they seem obvious to someone without EF issues) it also affects the speed you solve problems, yep that's why the tutor's words are important, he's implying that he's taking too long, he took longer than the other's to answer the same questions, which is probably a mixture of executive functioning problems and other processing problems (also that was just supposed to be a short explanation of EF, since I didn't think most people would know what it was, it was not supposed to be an essay I am so sorry but I'm gonna leave it in case someone learns something new, and I'm not sure how to without interrupting the flow of the writing too much)

Him absolutely not getting it when explained the coin values also gives me that impression

Trying to learn something while only able to listen to someone talk (or through one medium period, if I'm being honest) is torture, if Heine really tried to get him to learn this way, I believe it would take quite a few more repetitions before he got it, especially since he pretty much just started actually learning math recently

He likes the rules When he knows something's supposed to be done a certain way he and it isn't done the right way he is very disturbed

It is Not Right and you are not supposed to eat that way

Along with

Him being so confused about Heine leaving suddenly in the first episode

And... This is way too long it was supposed to be short bullets not paragraphs. Well I hope it was enjoyable anyway and I'll probably write an autistic Kai post later too

And one more Leonhard thing for the road

[lay-the-unic0rn]

EXO Reacting To Being “The Other Man”

Thank you for the request anon and I hope I do it justice!

/I do not own any of the gifs used/

______________________________________________________________

Baekhyun

He watches you in complete disbelief hoping there’s a punchline to this joke and praying that he’s not it. His stare is full of questions aimed directly at you and you’ve prepared yourself for any possibly answer he desires but most importantly you want to put it across that he’s the one you want. While this is all unfolding in your mind, you’re too distracted to notice that Baekhyun had begun to wet his Sahara dessert like lips to figure out what was going on but as the first word was working its way out of his mouth an incredible ache spread over his body, with the source being his, now, fragmented heart. He leaves the room unable to deal with this all right now.

Suho 

Sitting Suho down you explain to him the situation as gently as possible because you are aware of his sensitive nature and the last thing you want is to hurt him. Avoiding his eyes the entire time, solidly focusing your eyes on your fidgeting thumbs, you eventually muster up the courage to look at his handsome face. The mask he puts on to hide the pain causes the aperture in your heart to burst open, releasing thousands tiny daggers that hurt every part of you. You made the wrong choice. Before you could do anything he leaves you at the table...

Kai

You arrive at his and he has a gift waiting for you. Your favourite chocolates which he had to have flown in from your home country. God this will be harder than you initially thought. You sit him down and as you tell him the problem and that you don’t know what to do, his glorious smile disappears and you see him stare into the abyss. After an awkward moment you decided to give him a moment to process things and excuse yourself to use the bathroom. When you come back you find Kai on the sofa where you left him but Baekhyun and D.O are beside him and they are waving at you, as if saying goodbye, with smiles. You start to walk towards them but they all hold up their hands as if to say stop then in unison they all point at the door. You hear D.O. whishper “Bye bitch he’s mine now,” as you leave.

Lay 

Telling Yixing that he wasn’t the only man in a relationship with you would end things between you and you knew it but you couldn’t stand hurting him any longer. You tell him and he reacts completely different to what you expected. Looking at you his glare looks full of anger but also determination and lust glints on the surface. He walks away from you with his thumb and forefinger rubbing his temples. Then he strides back to you saying in a deep cocky voice, “you sure you want to leave this” pulling his shirt up and biting it he unveils his perfect gleaming 6 pack that instantly makes you think of all the fun bedroom antics you both got up to. He picks you up and you wrap your legs around him kissing him. I think it’s clear you chose him.

Xiumin 

Immediately as you start telling him about the current predicament that you’ve put him in, his face looks pained as his feelings are fully displayed on his face. He pinches the bridge of his nose instinctively as if the pain he was experiencing was physical, not deep within his hurting heart. His love for you is expressed through his desire to still make it work even if it meant he had to share you which only made you feel worse.

Chen 

Laughter. The wonderful melody that was your favourite tune was, in any other situation, welcomed with a warm embrace that’d send chills throughout your body. Now, it just felt wrong. You had just told him news you’d expect would lead to one of 2 results; 1) he’d be inconsolable (to which you had prepared tissues and a gut wrenching apology), or, 2) uncontrollable anger (to which you were positioned a safe distance away from him). There wasn’t a third option of which you had prepared a contingency plan. Silence had now filled the room once his laughter ended. He then proudly pointed to himself speaking into a mic which he had apparently crafted from mid air and sang “I’M NUMBER ONE!!!!"

Then he swiftly makes his exit.

Chanyeol

Even before you speak you see the look of disgust on his face and he watches your painfully obvious attempt at removing the ring that usually is wrapped firmly around the second finger from the left on your left hand that was normally a symbol as blunt to single men as someone simply shouting in their face that you’re off limits. Releasing a disappointed sigh he simply turns his back to you showing that you are no longer a part of his life.

Sehun 

Knowing how closed off he can be, you decide to take a gentle approach because you know he let you in and you were one of the few people he trusted. You wanted him though and hopefully he would see that. He would now be your only. However, that plan goes down the toilet quick as it was quite naive. No one would ever take hearing that they are the “side piece”, as some put it, well. He just laughs and claps as if he had just saw something amusing. He then pretends to wipe away a tear and tells you he’s keeping Vivi and you can keep your dead turtle which he had accidentally killed during the week by over feeding it.

D.O. 

Telling him would be difficult he was the equivalent of Nightwood because he was the hardest book out there to read. The mask he wore you were never successful in penetrating but you never gave up trying to get as much from his slight movements and body language. After no tells became apparent you spoke to break the silence, “I understand you never were one of many words so I-” but he interrupts you abruptly saying, “It’s true that I don’t talk much but that was just me ignoring you”. Not all shocked at his response you make a meek apology and make a swift exit giving him time to simmer and think.

______________________________________________________________

I hope this is what you were looking for Anon! Again thank you for the request!

-S

[tak4hir0]

“Perspective is worth 80 IQ points.” Alan Kay This quote is meaningful to me as I’ve often struggled with a problem until an insight from a user test “changed my perspective”. I had this intuition that video games would also change my perspective. They seemed so much edgier, playing with deeper and more experimental UX techniques. I wanted to go well beyond classic “gamification”. That was all the rage a decade ago where apps used toys like “achievements” to encourage app use. Of course, given what we’ve learned in the last few years about the overuse of mobile phones and social media, it also seems irresponsible to make our apps “sticky” or “addictive”. I was looking for something deeper. Games felt more visceral to me and I wanted to understand them better and see where it took me. I’m an avid gamer but they felt a bit foreign to me as a UX designer. For example, one of the first game terms I learned was “juicy”, which refers to the amount of video effect you get for any action. Juicy games feel just a bit overwhelming but in a good way. This might be fun but likely counter productive. I wasn’t looking to overwhelm the user. My other concern was that games create tension. When you approach a fight in a game, you need to master a range of skills or your character will loose. If you were to ask any competent UX designer to design the perfect flow to beat a monster they would simply have a single button “Beat Monster”. That’s the paradox I was facing. Games felt like they were about sparkles and tension. Great app UX is about minimalism and simplicity. Fortunately, I found Raph Koster, the author of A Theory of Fun. Raph is known as a “Game Grammarian” and deeply deconstructs how games are made. His book is a very game-like exploration of how games work. Much like how Understanding Comics is a comic about how comics work. I met with Raph several times over 8 weeks where we took his book apart, applying it to my world of UX design. He was energetic and excited to find a parallel world that could benefit from his work. I’ve been in UX design for over 30 years and I was a bit, well, set in my ways. Raph was patient and in a good-natured way enjoyed skewering my misconceptions. This article is my journey fighting through these misconceptions. Misunderstanding 1: Just copy cool tricks The game Horizon: Zero Dawn has an amazing heads-up-display UI. It just seemed obvious to me that there was potential for mobile apps. Raph’s point was that video games create these new UIs all the time. It would be a never ending list if I just copied what games are currently doing. His advice was to go a bit deeper and first understand how games create these types of UI. Misunderstanding 2: Games are linear and plot driven Games have the ability to force situations, such as running into a canyon and having nowhere to go but up a ladder. Apps on the other hand, usually have the opposite, offering a broad toolkit of choices. Games, I thought, can exploit narrative to force situations which made their life easier. Raph said yes, games do use plot (they are a form of entertainment after all) but his point was that great games go so much deeper than just plot, usually working on low level mechanics first. You only have to appreciate the 12 ways to jump in Super Mario Odyssey to appreciate his point. Misunderstanding 3: Gamers practice over and over. Games have it easy Raph laughed when I said this. “You realize”, he said patiently, “that most games fail?” This made perfect sense the moment he said it. Of course, only the best games reward practice. You have to design a great game to get people to have the confidence that practicing is worthwhile. The upshot is that the Raph convinced me to forgo any quick and easy ‘cookbook of tricks’ approach to this problem and go deeper and understand better how games are built, from the bottom up. His book covers a wealth of material and I encourage you to read A Theory of Fun for more detail. But we came up with six “lenses” that cover the transition of his book to UX design. The six ‘lenses” of Video Game UXI want to be clear that video games are not exactly like applications. The goal here isn’t to copy games but instead be inspired by them. Many UX designers devour Edward Tufte’s books on information design not because they expect to visualize complex data sets themselves but more by the joyful intellectual insight that comes from understanding data patterns he describes so well. Lens 1: Story vs Narrative The first point Raph made felt a bit overly specific, calling out the difference between the words “Story” and “Narrative”. They felt quite similar to me but his point was that “Story” is author generated while “Narrative” is user generated. Game designers create a series of events (A-B-C) you have to pass through but what users actually do is often a surprising pattern of: staying on on step A for a very long timeskipping step B entirelycircling around step C multiple times. At first I thought he was just describing classic user testing. Of course users go through your design in ways you didn’t expect, all experienced UX designers know this. But his point was deeper: it’s not the journey, but how users recall the experience. Users will always create narrative. It’s just human nature, they will go through any experience and remember it by constructing a narrative. This is what game designers understand deeply. If your story has huge gaps and doesn’t lead the user carefully then users can’t help themselves, they will create their own narrative that fills in the gap. Most apps today will just “throw” 5 new features into an app with little connection between them. Users however, will create a narrative to help them understand what they are seeing, even if none exist. What narrative could they construct? They are likely making up stories that would frighten you. Anyone who has done user testing appreciates this. Users ‘connect the dots’ in ways that will astound, often creating mythologies that were never intended. APPS Just throw in a bunch of features into a pot. GAMES Understand everything is a journey. Work hard to make everything a closely connected arc of events that help the user create a narrative that matches the overall story. EXAMPLE 1: The best example of this is the original 1984 Macintosh boot sequence. Every PC of it’s day had a simple power switch which just ‘beeped’ when turned on, followed by a bunch of streaming and confusing text. The Mac booted into a startup screen showing only a pattern with a smiling Mac. Nothing more, no text, no gibberish. Eventually the desktop appeared but it was just a tiny variation, the same desktop but with an added menu bar, a disk icon and a trash can. The boot sequence started with a promise that resolved into a working desktop. The Promise The Delivery Not only that, but the corners of the display were rounded which made it look more like a desktop ‘blotter’ which were popular back then. Even more, the trash can added depth to the illusion by getting ‘stuffed’ when you put something into it. The Mac took a very hardware driven concept, turning on your computer, and turned it into theater. Yes it had the boot sound, but it then showed a promise, a compromise of the final desktop and as it booted, ‘inflated’ that promise with the final working model. Why people loved the Mac is often misunderstood. I’d claim that it’s this dedication to taking people on a carefully crafted story, one which allowed users to craft a compatible narrative, that is at the heart of this devotion. EXAMPLE 2: Another more modern example is this landing page for Paypal. Notice how the page clearly invites you to choose. Are you a “Personal” user or a “Business” user? As you mouse over each section, the story unfolds, expanding your choices, offering you things you can easily understand and identify with. Each branch has a clear call to action. This is a beautiful story telling sequence that pulls you in and gets you to become an active part of the on-boarding process. Lens 2: Games are fractal Raph uses the game Frogger to explain what he means by “Games are fractal”. This single screen is composed of several levels. At first you are in a safe starter area at the bottom where you can move back and forth freely with no risk. Second is the street, where you have to dodge cars followed by a river which is a bit trickier as both the road and the ‘cars’ are moving. Finally you get into a ‘parking’ area where it’s easy to get into the first one but progressively harder as they fill up. But he literally means ‘fractal’ in that the game isn’t a simple linear “cross the road, cross, the river, and park your frog sequence. Of course, at the surface level, that’s true but his point is that it’s a nesting cascade of discoveries.  To win the level you must first cross the street. To cross the street requires that you move the frog. To move the frog requires that you understand joystick timing. Each of these sub levels have their own feedback considerations: Street: the cars movementFrog: How it moves, how far it jumps each timeJoystick: Direction and speed of movement (it’s quite slow actually) Games understand that each of these levels has their own set of feedback, motivation and learning that must take place. This level of deconstruction, in a 30 year old game no less, blew my mind. Games were complex! They really paid attention to detail. There was a lot here to understand. Compare this to app designs. For very good reasons, we try very hard to fall back on guidelines. We work very hard NOT to reinvent the wheel. While this makes sense, we can’t just fall back on guidelines forever now can we? Maybe this is a bit obvious, but we’re not going to be using today’s phone UI designs 30 years from now. How do we evolve and create new UX patterns? What’s inspiring about games is that they are trying to evolve all… the… time. While clearly this would be a chaotic with commercial software, I still find it inspiring that games are built on this core belief that they rigorously unpack each action. Everything you do is multi-layered and must be unpacked, improved, and most importantly, taught to the user. While we may not want to emulate the speed of how games change UX patterns, we can certainly learn from their deep commitment and dedication to detail. APPS Follow your guidelines, be consistent, don’t rock the boat. GAMES Rigorously unpack everything, don’t worry if you sink the boat. EXAMPLE The computer example here is desktop menus. “Selecting a menu item” is actually a fractal cascade of skills where you first start horizontally browsing the menu bar, with a click, you shift into a vertical mode but keep the same basic highlight approach. For hierarchical menus, you need to understand the graphic hint that there is something deeper and then navigate over to reveal and then select that menu. Anyone who has taught beginning computer users the menu system knows how hard it is to master hierarchical menus. It’s takes practice to find, reveal and track over to that menu. There is a fractal cascade of skills required. Lens 3: Learning Loop The Learning Loop is a basic concept in psychology for acquiring any skill. You start with an intent such as “shoot the laser”, you take an action, such as pushing a button, and you see the result, the canon powering up and shooting a beam of energy. This loop is fundamental to learning as you have a model of how things work, then interact with the affordance in front of you and the resulting feedback then loops back and updates your mental model. Far from being a dry academic model, this is the foundation of how learning happens in games. Raph has a great quote in his book for this: “Fun is just another word for learning”. In order to have fun, you must learn. I find this inspiring as app design wants your users to learn but we’ve rarely appreciated this could be fun. Games understand that in order to learn you must start thinking in layers. Begin with a basic skill and slowly add more, getting better one layer at a time. But the key insight is that these layers are built one on top of the other. The classic example is Super Mario brothers.  You start off locked behind a pipe, in a safe zone much like Frogger. Here you move and jump, getting nowhere until you figure out how to jump on top of the pipe. You’ve just learned the first basic ‘Loop”: jumping. As you move to the right, a low ceiling appears and it’s very easy to jump into the ceiling, which hits one of those “?” bricks and a prize drops. You’ve learned your second variation of the loop: Hitting. Finally, when you encounter your first monster, it’s not a far stretch to assume you can jump onto them, and “Tada!” you just zapped your first monster. Loop 3 is attacking. There are clearly 3 distinct versions of jumping going on here: Initial jump. Simple button pressLong jump. Long button pressLanding jump. Timed jumpWhat’s so interesting here is that there is only one ‘thing’ you’re learning: jumping. But by stressing subtle aspects of how to jump, the game builds up variations of it. A basic jump gets you over things, a long jump can “open” and landing a jump can “attack”. A boring app designer like me would assume you’d need 3 different verbs/buttons for this but Super Mario does this with a single “Jump” action. Each jump has their own triggers but to the user “it’s just jumping”. Crafting a careful learning loop enables people to learn a range of tasks under a single concept. Nintendo is the master of this, doing it not only for Super Mario Bros but for all of it’s games from Super Mario Odyssey, to Splatoon, to even Luigi’s Mansion (which I doubt any of you have played). Shigeru Miyamoto, the esteemed director of Nintendo games has this amazing quote: “That’s how we make games at Nintendo: we get the fundamentals solid first, then do as much with that core concept as our time and ambition will allow. As for the courses and enemies, those actually came at the very end. They were done in a single burst of energy, just thrown together, almost.” Shigeru Miyamoto(Nintendo Games Director) This blew my mind when I first read it. What do you mean both the game levels and course were just ‘thrown together’! That’s insane. But it shows how much Nintendo focuses on the core building blocks. It’s what makes games work. I think there is a huge lesson for us here. APPS Each feature is in isolation, how it is done usually has little relation to other features (other that using a style guide). GAMES Build a game through a single, mechanic that grows in expressive power by adding modifiers like time, special keys, or timing. EXAMPLE 1: In a somewhat ironic twist, when the Mac first shipped in 1984, it used games to teach users how to get started!  The goal was to start simply and teach the first loop: moving the mouse. It then progressed to clicking, menus, dragging, and even shift clicking. What struck me was how deep and varied the loops are for desktop. This rich input model allows for much more sophisticated positioning of the cursor, better text selection, and input control. While we all agree that the Desktop UI can be overly complicated for some users, it’s important to appreciate how rich and detailed it’s loops were. In our discussions, Raph specifically called this out, saying that mobile has a lot to learn from desktop. EXAMPLE 2: But mobile does have a few tricks. People often think of “tap” and “pinch” as separate gestures but they really are just variations on the same loop. Here is an example showing both in Google Maps: Notice how when the user pinch zooms in, they can still drag the map around like they do with single tap dragging? Pinch is just a high order loop on top of drag.  Lens 4: Affordances Affordances has a classic definition in UX, popularized by Don Norman in his book the Design of Everyday Things. Games have a subtle spin on this: affordances prompt the things you already know. Let me use a few examples from “Breath of the Wild”, one of my very favorite games. Like many exploration games, you’ll get a clear and obvious prompt when you stand next to something: This “Take” prompt will occur thousands of times throughout the game. You clearly learn how to pick up an item fairly quickly but this prompt also gives you a clear indicator when you can pick it up as well. There is a more subtle version of this when fighting. In this case, the robot will always swing wide before it attacks from the side, signaling when to dodge. This is something that you need to learn in order to get good at fighting robots. But once you learn it, it’s a very regular pattern you can count on. But my favorite example was one of the core innovations in Breath of the Wild: the stamina wheel. It is a simple circular gauge indicator of how much ‘stamina’ you have. When you start climbing, the gauge starts to empty. If you don’t get to the top before the wheel runs out, you fall. What’s amazing here is how the wheel was implemented. At a simple level it’s “just a gauge” but it’s far more sneaky than that. If you climb, you’ll notice a range of feedback on this affordance: The character leans in when climbingWhen stopped they lean out and the wheel stopsDuring a steep section, beads of sweat appear and the stamina drains faster. In addition, they lean in and appear to be ‘trying harder’This basic example of ‘just climbing’ shows how subtle game affordances can be and how clever they are at using varying types of feedback. At a basic level, they really aren’t that complex, showing a simple resource: stamina. However, it’s by having the next level of detail, showing, in effect, the second derivative of stamina usage, the game is teaching you to take the less steep route. That extra bit of feedback, the leaning in and the sweat, helps you understand that you’re using up stamina faster. I had played this game for over 100 hours, and had clearly learned to take the less steep sections when climbing but here’s the key point: I had no idea I was doing it! The game taught me without me knowing I was learning. This is serious Jedi mind trickery.  This level of detail is what makes games so intriguing. Raph talks about the many types of affordances in his book, but I’d just like to focus on five types of affordance feedback that apply to app UX: Multi-variantRealityMultiples MixedGrace-notesMulti-variant Games work hard to give you lots of feedback hidden in the action. From the sand particles flying out when Mario runs, to the cloud trail he leaves behind, to when his arms fly out at certain speeds, Super Mario Odyssey works hard to give you all sorts of variables in subtle ways. This was exactly what happened with the stamina wheel above. By encoding things cleverly, the user can pick up on multiple aspects of the game. Reality Games work hard to map the right actions to the correct aspect of the controller, which has a rich selection of triggers, analog and digital joysticks, to simple buttons. Like Desktop, games consoles have a rich set of input loops to use. Mobile in contrast just has tap, drag and pinch. Mobile is impoverished compared to games and even desktop: we are a prisoner of our flat slab of glass. And don’t get me started on long-press, it’s very existence is proof that mobile has an expression problem (making me feel like old-man Simpson). Multiples  Games work really hard at using visual, audio and haptic feedback in games. Why don’t we? The obvious answer is that users often don’t like it but we have to ask ourselves, how can games get away with it and we can’t? Yes, games have it a BIT easier as the volume is turned up but it’s worth asking, what is it about games and how they do it that it feels obvious and fun whereas we do it and everyone hates it. It’s arguable that we’re being a bit too heavy handed. We need to be a bit more subtle and nuanced. Mixed Styles Games work very hard to mix graphic styles. The good guys in Mario are soft and rounded while the bad guys are sharp and pointy. In the game Horizon Zero Dawn there are two very different graphic styles: The more ‘cave painting’ style represented the main character, which came from a primitive tribe, and the sharper more technological style was for the items in the environment she could ‘see’ with her heads up display. It works well to give you a “me vs the world’ feel to things on the screen. How could we use this? Here is simple web page example: Use “Mixed Styles” to better separate navigation from contentThe title bar is clearly visually distinct from the body but stops there. There should ALSO be a visual difference from the left nav and the actual body content. The left nav should be a lighter blue so it ties into the title bar. It would give a clear visual style about the title being most important, the nav next, and finally the content. Grace-notes This is the last and most playful example. Games create small light moments to add ambiance to a game but also to drive learning. In Breath of the wild, grasshoppers fly out of the grass when you run through it. This is just atmospheric but later when you learn to ‘cut the grass’ you can actually find those grasshoppers before they fly. In Half Life, you can flush the toilets. It doesn’t do a damn thing, there is zero value to do it but it does make the world feel more interactive. That way when you walk up to a closed door, you’re more likely to try opening it, I mean the toilets flush, why not try? This is clearly a very subtle but powerful tool that games use to not only give you a better ‘sense of place’ but offers you ‘baby interactions’ that prepare you for other parts of the game. I’d love to find some examples of Apps doing this but I honestly can’t find any. If anyone does think of one, please let me know! APPS Prompt as little as possible. GAMES Prompt all the damn time (they’re just really subtle and sneaky about it). Lens 5: Hintiness Hintiness is something completely unique to games. Unlike affordances, which reinforce the current Learning Loop you’re on, the whole point of hintiness is to move you to new loops. Not moving to new loops is a critical problem for games and they have a specific term for it, “Bottom Feeding”. This screenshot is from World of Warcraft. If you’re a level 3 character and really good at killing spiders that’s great, but when you try to kill something bigger like a crocodile and get killed immediately, most players have a predictable response: go back to killing spiders. This is “bottom feeding”, just taking the easy route and remain at the same level over and never progressing. It’s comfortable, but it’s also boring. It also kills games. Game designers really want you to learn and get better so you stay engaged. There are all sorts of ways to do this. In Super Mario Odyssey there is a type of navigational hintiness called “Moon Chains”. You’re encouraged to collect these Moon objects in the game but every time you collect one, you can ALWAYS see another one. It hints at where you need to go.  In Breath of the Wild, the walls are usually smooth stone so when you see one with a broken pattern, it’s a clear sign that something interesting is behind that wall. But for App UX, hints are exactly the opposite, usually dialog box prompts in your face that stop you dead in your tracks! Games on the other hand, are subtle and usually seen over and over before you finally get it. They are the exact opposite of Microsoft Clippy. That’s part of the discovery and delight.  The video game approach is just so different from Apps. So many of our users “Bottom Feed” getting stuck in a current simple level of using our apps. If you’ve ever done user testing on your app, you often find that some users will write critical steps down on post-it notes as they keep getting lost. This is a UX tragedy as they don’t understand the Learning Loops well enough so they write down the exact steps every time they need to do something. How can we use hintiness to keep our users from Bottom Feeding? APPS Assume users are at a constant skill level. GAMES Use hints constantly and patiently to move users to the next level. EXAMPLE As there aren’t any good examples in App UX, let me make one up: creating a guide in a drawing app. I’ll use Photoshop, but Sketch or Figma could just as easily use this. There is a “Beginner level” way to create a guide just by using a menu and dialog box: It’s simple and it works. But most power users know to just drag it out from the bar. How could we use hintiness to help users discover it? One way would be to add a quick, lightweight animation. When the user try the dialog box to add the guide, instead of simply appearing, add an animation ‘sparkle’ in the ruler area and then animate out the guide to the position they asked for. Fast, quick and subtle. The user might not even notice it but after they see it a few times, they might just wonder what was going on and try it themselves. That is what games try to do, get you pulled in and copy what they are showing you. Lens 6: Pacing Pacing is critical to the overall story in games but a specific aspect of pacing for games that applies to App UX is “where to start?”. Remember the “Narrative vs Story” section? It was about games creating a tight coupling between experiences in the game to help users create their own narrative: Games know that a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. It’s critical that users know how to get going, get into the flow well before they understand everything. The classic example here would be World of Warcraft, a very complex game that ultimately has dozens of commands for you to learn. But you start with just 1 attack spell. There isn’t much to learn and it starts off pretty easy. As you level up, things are gradually added so you grow into the interface. What do most Apps do? They show you EVERYTHING at the very beginning hoping you’ll get it all in this one shot. Of course, we all know what happens: skip, skip, skip…. A colleague of mine at Google, Luke Wroblewski, discussed this at Conversions@Google 2018 where he talked about a finance app that instead of a “help overlay” they offered one single clue: how to create an expense item. Of course, the app could do much more but once the user knew how that, they were on their way.   Of course, the difficult part is for you to figure out what your “first thing to do” is. This is why games are so interesting, they spend so much time figuring out what we think of as a small, trivial point. APPS Tend to offer users a large toolbox and let them figure out how to get started. GAMES Have a clear understanding of the journey and say “Start here first”. Bringing it all home The six lenses we’ve talked about: Each provides a window into how games think and design. But it’s not just a simple linear list. The first three lenses are about breaking down your game (or App) into much more concrete chunks: Story vs Narrative (Think in terms of story arcs)Games are fractal (Break up the journey from big to small to tiny)Learning loop (figure out your core mechanic)And then the following three lenses build things back up: Affordances (Prompt for known loops)Hintiness (Move to new loops)Pacing (Be sure to start here)It’s really shaped more like this: These games lenses have been eye opening to me. I feel some of those 80 IQ points Alan Kay promised as I’m thinking about UX design in fundamentally different ways. In this post, I’ve given examples throughout on how this can provide valuable insights in ordinary, every day apps. It’s certainly helped me. Much of my work at Google uses these lenses to break things down fractally, look for loops, and figure out ways to hint at new loops. I’m not building games, but I’m being inspired by them. I hope they inspire you as well.

[justjennyvi]

I was keeping this for a time, but now, I just feel the need to let this out. I am trying. I am trying my very best to see the good things more than the negatives. Pero ang hirap. Mahirap when you have been through a lot, and you were able to experience the realities of the world, the injustices; and all those took effect to how you are perceiving the world now and you have no other choice but to keep living. But living, for me, is not as easy as it seems for others. It is not just being able to breath, eat and rest, but it is as complicated as solving calculus equation; you do not understand the process, yet you need to solve it anyway. And it is like domino, one bad or good move (decision), could affect those of others, especially those closest to you.

I was scanning through my old posts before I realized that I have only shared a little part of myself in here. This media is my outlet to my thoughts away from judgment of people from FB, IG, and Twitter. I guess everyone just wanna be understood and this is my way for people to know me and hopefully understood me. This platform is an open secret; I posted links on this on my other social media accounts, and only people who want to know me will make an effort of actually knowing me. But after rereading my older posts, I found out I haven’t shared enough. Well, I could start with this one.

I used to be so innocent and optimist from way back. Despite someone’s meanness, I could always see his/her innate goodness. I am perhaps brought up like that. But that innocence was taken advantage by a person whom I thought was a “friend”. Bear with me, I don’t really know how to tell a story and play with words as my vocabulary is limited and my grammar sucks (still blaming that English teacher from HS who never taught us basic English grammar lol). “Friendship” is such a sensitive topic for me for reasons I’ll share later. I was 7 years old, Grade 3, when a group of “sikat” girls at school welcomed me to be part of their group. We were all on the same grade but “E” (who acted as our leader) was around 4 years older than me. It was a great feeling to be a member of something, to feel like you belong, to find “friends”. Who wouldn’t want friends in the first place? Never did I thought that that honest “friendship” would become my entrance to a darker world, to that real slapped of reality. Perhaps every kid is looking forward to playing at each break time. But not me, all those times were tortures to me. Playtimes were times when I always feel left out & when I always feel useless. E was always the group leader each time we’re playing in a group. During choosing who they want to be in their group, I am always the last person they pick. Most of the time, I am the “baboy-baboy”, the “pakapin”. It was childish, yes, but it’s that act that I first notice deprivation and bullying. I admit I wasn’t sporty, or maybe that’s what they made me feel, that I am not good at anything. Since then, I never like playing. It had stuck to my head that I am not for sports. Dictatorial. That’s the kind of friendship we have with E. It was almost at the end of that school year when I felt something strange; when I felt that change of E’s treatment. She may be changed or maybe I chose to notice. What E wants, E gets. What E tells, everyone listens. If you don’t want to be bullied, you should be closer to E. You should make things that could make E happy. “Pasipsip”, that’s your ticket for a peaceful school year. I was her “alagad”, literal. Mura mig nasa isa ka kulto. She’s a dictator to the point na maski lunchbox nako iyang ikambyo sa iyaha kung walay lami iyang pagkaon, and in replace, ako mokaon sa iyang baon; ako moanswer sa iyahang exams and quizzes, ang akong allowance iyang kuhaon. At first, I willingly give my money, as I have extra, but it reached to the point where she forcedly took the money from me, abrihan akong bulsa, and took everything. Remember when I said I was innocent then? I was, and she took advantage of that. Not just my innocence but my naivety because despite seeing and experiencing all that, I still considered her as a friend and what I was doing is just to keep the friendship. I thought that’s the worst she could do. But no. From getting our (along with my other friends) allowances of 5 to 10 pesos, it reached to her requesting us to get her money for her family, for her outing, and for all other reasons. And from where will we get that amount? That’s for us to figure out, because if not, ‘ipabarang’ mi niya, which could lead to us and our family dying. Imagine the fear that a 7-year old child, who wants to live, felt during those times? “Walay dapat makabalo ani, kay kung dili, ipabarang ta mo. Labaw sa tanan, ayaw ingna inyong ginikanan. Kay once mogawas ni, kabalo namo unsay mahitabo.” Those words were stuck in our minds. “Kailangan na nako ang kwarta karun.” And so, me, together with Cathy, cut classes and walked our way home, kay wala mi kwarta para mosakay, of almost 2 km, and made alibis to our parents, kung ngano mi nanguli, and find ways to get money from our parent’s wallet just so we could live. Yes, we were thieves. Abi namo kaisa lang, but she asked repeatedly. From asking 100 pesos, to 200, even reaching up to 500. That breath of relief each time I can walk out home without them noticing that I stole money from them is as intense as that fear I felt when mother started noticing my weird actions resulting to her checking my pocket and bag before I head back to school. Good thing she did not check my shoes. I still couldn’t think of those traumatic experiences without getting emotional, and I am now, as I am writing this. I suffered mental, emotional and physical torture. Yes, even physical. There was a time when E told us that someone stole her bracelet and the one who stole it is from one of us. She called all of us in the group, asking us to surrender earlier as she will still know eventually after the ritual she will about to make. “Mananagna”, that’s what she told she is. She took a piece of our hair, leave us waiting for the result, as she was talking in front of the tree, crying, praying, conversing with her “invisible twin”. She went back to us from time to time announcing the names of those who she said innocent, leaving me, Cathy and Lovely as the possible culprit. She talked to us individually in different places, all were asked to admit a crime we did not do. In her desperation to made us admit, she physically harmed us. I received several slaps and a mental torture of being called a thief, while Cathy and Lovely were pushed towards a cliff full of big red ants. Knowing that she was capable of physically harming us, we chose to zip our mouth and follow what she told us to do. That kind of life continued til we reached the end of 5th grade. If not for Abegail’s braveness of speaking to her parents, we could have possibly suffered more. Akala ko once the truth has been exposed, I could finally live a normal life. But then I was wrong. Instead of understanding and pity me for what I have been through, my aunt focused on that fact that I stole money from her.  Instead of comforting a child, she exposed it to other relatives, telling everyone that I am a thief, and they all laugh towards my naivety of how simple it could have been if I told them eventually what happened. “Mao na! Kay dali man gud ka mahadlok ug tao! Basin mangatol nana imong kamot ha, inig dili ka makakawat.” Their words have affected me very much to the point that even I am doubting my own self. “Dili kaha ako ang nagkuha ato?” My every thought each time someone’s thing is missing. I judged myself first, thinking others would also judge me the same. I became conscious of what others think of me. I hear their voices more, more so if its negative criticisms about me. Celebrating my achievements became harder as I see those as worthless, knowing people will remember your faults more than the right things you did. If there’s one event in my life that I really want to completely forget, that would be it. Since then, I want nothing else but a restart at life. That is why I was ecstatic upon hearing that we were moving out and transfer to a new home with a new environment and new people finally. But different from what I thought, me transferring to that school has worsened my negativity, my distrust, and unhappiness. High school drama. High school bullying. Being a transferee, I was a victim to all of that. Having that eagerness of restarting my life, the moment I entered that new school, I act the way I want people to see me. I aimed to be good at school in order to gain my parent’s trust back. I want to be a good person. For a time, I thought I was doing good with my restart, I made a lot of friends, topped per grading rankings, and often praised by teachers for being reserved. But I guess humans are humans. Some of my classmates thought that I am just faking everything. “Too good to be true”, that’s what they say. “Pasipsip” “Pagoody-goody” “Igat” “Humok ug Ilong” “Nasa sulod ang kulo” that’s what they branded me.  Restart what? I am back to that whole dark world again. It turns out, they just become friends with me to find fault in me. Guess what? They succeeded. There was that guy who courted me. Those “friends” supported the guy’s act; saying all the good things about him, telling me how sincere he was, and all other good praises about the guy, just for me to say yes. Growing up, I was taught that being in a relationship is not a game. It is sacred. The only purpose for entering it is to marry. But peer pressure. The “friends” are all pushing me to say yes. I have that desire to feel accepted and once again I disappointed myself for giving in to the pressure. They used that case to judge me and my whole personality telling their brandings of me are all real. What can I do? I made the wrong choice. I help them prove that they were all right. Good thing the guy was kind enough the moment I took back my answer. I still feel sorry for that guy though, I saw his sincerity and I know his intentions were clear. But no, that time I know I wasn’t prepared to commit. That’s just the first incident and a lot more has happened after. I can’t survive a single day without breaking down. My lunch breaks were all filled with tears for all the bullying. Maybe I was just too sensitive or maybe they were also rude. Though I was able to find people who stick with me through all that, High School just made my world darker with each passing day. Not that I did not enjoy high school, but whenever I tried to look back, I could think more of those bad times, and the trauma it has caused me.

I still have a lot to share. . . .Hang on. . .