#which is like...why i know it shouldn't effect me that much but i'm still disappointed and i'm tired of being disappointed i guess

[aceofstars16]

Ugh, I want to write but also just...don't want to do anything at all...

[fluffypotatey]

God, watched "Sins of the Father" last night and I. Just. Love. How the writers were like, "Ah, yes, let's finish out this episode with the most violent upheaval of Arthur's relationship with Uther. There is no need to mention this again."

Like, yeah, I get it, Merlin lied and stopped Arthur from killing King Cunt, but STILL. It happened. Arthur and Uther have had disagreements before, but those were small potatoes. Arthur challenged his father, the King, to a fight to the death. He was actively trying to kill his father. And that....had no effect on him? Or Uther?

Arthur doesn't always agree with Uther, and he does disobey him when he has to, but I don't think he ever would imagine himself capable of hurting his father, let alone killing him.

And Uther, being the manipulative, abusive piece of shit he is, was probably 100% certain Arthur would never turn on him, the same way any abusive parent is confident in their power over their victim.

But it happened.

And that's just........not important?

bestie.....are you sure you want to open that can of worms with me

------

NO BECAUSE LISTEN I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THIS

imma holler @nextstopparis because they have bombass posts and meta about exactly this

anyway

yes bestie so true, we have seen in s1 and s2 that arthur is capable of having a little rebellious streak but not enough to truly slight his father because (despite his shitty and abusive uther is) arthur still loves him. arthur has craved uther's approval since day one. all he gets from uther is stunted shoulder pats and "you're my son" kind of affection. which, you know, explains SO MUCH about why arthur is emotionally constipated, compensates his emotions into hyper-masculinity, and a grade A jock.

we know arthur seeks uther's approval and just wants uther to be proud of him. motherfucker (uther) literally in episode 2 of s1 "stops by Arthur on his way to the stands and speaks to him in a low voice" about he "trust [Arthur] will make [him] proud" like bitch???? way to stress out your child.

tips on how to emotionally abuse/keep your child wanting you love

always makes sure you pressure them into making you proud

place conditions on your love (trust = love = pride for son = no longer disappointed = no longer sees arthur as the cause of ygraine's death oop did i type that)

move them away and speak in a low threatening voice because self image matters and your child would never risk that

undermine your child's worth to exterior factors, aka things your child never had a say in (being a captain/high ranking knight at 15, being the son of your dead wife, telling them to grow up when they literally are acting their age)

enforcing patriarcal ideals such as only encouraging stoicism for arthur because feelings are for weaklings and dismissing morgana's opinions for 'outbursts'

howdy folks! welcome to the uther sucks club and why the hell did bbc just ignore arthur's very understandable anger towards uther in s2 ep8

we will not touch arthur's self loathing blame for his mother's death because i will derail from this post

what happened in s2 ep8???? i'm so glad you asked

it is revealed that uther pendragon's reason for committing genocide for over 20 years boils down to a highly dangerous spell that he forced the high priestess nimueh to cast on his wife (who wasn't aware of the spell in the first place) so she could become pregnant and grant him an heir.

uther, the caricature of the british empire himself, caused the death of his queen then turned around and blamed a whole community of innocent people because "magic is evil and shouldn't be trusted" and "when you know one sorcerer, you know them all"

arthur, daddy issues galore, is understandably pissed and enraged. why, you ask? because for years he believed it was his birth that led to his mother's death

ARTHUR I'm so sorry. YGRAINE You have nothing to be sorry for. ARTHUR It was my birth that caused you to die.

ok so we are actually gonna discuss this

FOR 20 YEARS THIS MAN BELIEVED HIS FATHER'S GRIEF WAS HIS FAULT

AND YOU KNOW WHAT

UTHER NEVER CORRECTED HIM! UTHER NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO CONTRADICT ARTHUR'S INTERNAL STRUGGLE!

WHY YOU ASK????

BECAUSE THEN ARTHUR WOULD STAY LOYAL TO HIM, BECAUSE THEN ARTHUR WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO PROVE THAT HE COULD 'right this old wrong' EVEN THO IT WAS NEVER HIS FAULT!

ahem

and then arthur learns the truth. arthur learns that ygraine's death was never his fault. ygraine's death was all because uther pendragon "was so desperate for an heir". that was all uther cared about.

ARTHUR This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them.

ARTHUR How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?

ARTHUR You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

do you think....after arthur learned the truth, he remembered all of morgana's old arguments that went ignored by uther? he could hear her voice, filled with self-righteousness and selfless anger about how uther always placed the blame on others, projected fear and hatred to those who were innocent. do you wonder if arthur thought of morgana as he spewed those words to uther?

and then he is told that morgause lied to him. that the ygraine he saw was actually an illusion meant to divide camelot. arthur is told that the ygraine he saw who told him that holding him was "the most precious" moments of her life was nothing more than a lie.

so, what does mean for arthur? does that mean that it truly was his fault that ygraine died? does he go back to blaming himself?

or

is there still that doubt of his father's ruling that lays restless inside of him? does he watch his father more closely and how he reacts to magic crimes compared to non-magical? does he begin to confide in morgana more because she, too, understand this kind of anger he feels nestled inside of him?

but we don't get that

what we get after this is a week or maybe more of a time skip where gwen is kidnapped and the show tries to further the arwencelot love triangle (and i mean, i'm not against the love triangle, it's just...timing my dude)

it just goes ignored by the show like it wasn't a big deal that arthur was ready to commit regicide (unlike morgana), like it wasn't a big deal that merlin lied to arthur like that and didn't feel conflicted, like it wasn't a big deal that uther's Purge began because of misplaced anger.

no, instead, arthur is back as his snarky and uptight self who never again thinks back to what happened when some big plot is heading his way. and so the show never dives back into that. mentions of arthur's mother don't come back until s4 but that's with agravaine and i do not have the time for that man.

this episode really seemed like it was supposed to lead to a shift in arthur's character, and yet it didn't. it was just...never touched on again and i will never forgive them for that

[crystalelemental]

It's Frieren Friday, but there's no more new Frieren, so instead I'm just thinking

In part what gets me is the usual: I have a strong affinity for characters that don't understand their emotions.  They're almost always favorites.  I think the reason Serie hits so hard is because she operates as a foil to Frieren's journey.

Frieren's current journey is about contextualizing the human experience she lived through during her travels with Himmel's party.  She's coming to understand how much that brief period meant to her, and that despite how small a portion of her life it truly was, it's had a huge impact on the course of her life.  And it's also about grieving the loss of Himmel.  The introduction that gets this moving is his death, and the realization of how much he meant to her.  The whole show is very retrospective, looking through the past while moving forward.

Serie is the exact opposite.  Serie's response, any time she's asked, is that Flamme is a failure, she never lived up to her heights, and she really shouldn't take on human apprentices anymore.  But she does.  Pretty constantly, apparently.  And she remembers each of them perfectly; their names, their faces, their favorite spells.  Even uses their favorite spells in her day to day, creating the field of flowers in the examination room using Flamme's spell.  Who's to say other spells haven't been used in equal effect?  The flowers are just the ones Frieren would notice.

Serie's grieving the loss of people she cared about too, but unlike Frieren, she has no idea why or what's even happening.  The reason she recalls all these people with such perfect clarity is completely lost on her.  She has an intellectual understanding of each of them, but never really made much human connection with anyone.  Even her current apprentice is so in the dark about how Serie thinks and feels that he assumes she's just as disappointed in his abilities as she claims, and is primarily concerned about her living a long life alone with no one's legacy beside her.

There's something tragic and powerful to the idea that Serie's always taken on these human apprentices, and despite caring deeply for them, never once realized it.  That all of them died likely thinking the same as her current one does: that she was disappointed they never measured up.  That for all the care she must have held, they may never have known, because she didn't tell them.  She didn't understand it herself.  And now that they're gone, all she can do is use their favorite spells to bring herself reminders of them, for reasons she can't even parse.

Which is exactly what Frieren's going through.  With how much HImmel meant to her, whether romantic or platonic or whatever it was, she never got to tell him, and now he's gone.  She has only those memories to guide her, and she's embracing each to learn more about herself and her journey, and is starting to better appreciate the current moment.  She's not perfect at it, her most recent argument with Fern shows she's still not great at telegraphing how she feels.  But she's trying.  And that's something Serie's never tried to do.

It's why Serie's so predictable.  Frieren and Flamme predict her literal every move, because she's never emotionally matured.  She operates purely intellectually, and she is talented.  As Frieren points out, her intuition is always right, and we see that the intuition has a logical sense to it.  Magic is drawn from imagination, and if you can't imagine yourself as first class, then you're not.  Even as far as her focus on fighting, the northern lands are still home to demons.  If you can't think of how to fight an opponent likely stronger than you, you won't win.  There's a logical sense to all of it.  But despite all that, Frieren knows full well that Serie will be a brat about her approach to magic, just as she'll be too impressed by Fern's ability to fail her even if she's like Frieren.  Even with Flamme's will, she called that Serie would throw a fit about the request, but here we are all these years later and Serie's basically doing as she asked.  Serie will have her little outburst and her big speech about magic needing to be exclusive.  But over the years, she'll settle down from that argument, and she is going to miss her apprentice.

I just...really like Serie.  She's neat.

[v3nusxsky]

hi! I love your writing so much! If you're still taking requests could you please write platonic Lady Lesso with student reader who is struggling with insomnia and maybe one day they just fall asleep during Lesso's classes?

Hi darling Anon, I’m glad you enjoy my writing that fills me with so much joy. I gave this my best shot for you. I did some research into insomnia which showed it effects people differently. So for reader they struggle to sleep and wake up any sleep they achieve feels like it never happened. I hope that’s okay!

Anything you need

*Authors note~ I'm loving the prompts coming in for lesso. Requests are open I also write for Larissa Weems ;)) Platonic seems to be a massive hit with you guys and I will continue to try and improve on those read on darlings*

Trigger warnings~ insomnia? Past trauma? Self harm?

Prompt~ see the ask :)

Even a school as magical as The School For Good And Evil had exams. Now obviously the schools taught in different classes and different teaching methods, so obviously the exams were completely different too. And unfortunately for you, Never exams were stereotypically know for being exhausting and extremely demanding mentally emotionally and physically. The difficulty of the exams are said to be unmatched by nothing else. Of course the Evers exams weren't easy, but they certainly weren't as bad the the Never exams. After all one of the classes the Evers were taught was to be beautiful. I mean come on, really? What would the exam be on? How to smile correctly? Or how to sit like a pretty princess? You didn't know, nor did you care if you were honest. You were more stressed about what lay ahead of you.

You knew you had to ace these exams, you couldn't afford to fail. After all that would mean dealing with the Dean of Evil and that was most certainly not on your to do list. That's why you spent every waking moment in classes, training for the physical aspects or head in a book trying to cram every last bit of knowledge in. And sleep? That seemed to evade you as of late. Drifting off into the dream land had never been harder for you, then when you slept it was anything but peaceful and you'd always wake up more exhausted than before. It seemed endless. A miserable cycle you couldn't escape. That's why it's unsurprising to you that after a few days of this cycle your mood becomes irritable and quite frankly down right cold. No wonder why people had given up approaching you.

Classes were becoming a struggle for you, your exhausted brain struggling to retain any more information, in a desperate need of some rest. You knew that of course, but what could you do when it seemed physically impossible to get the rest? You had no choice but to keep going. The fear of not preforming well enough in these exams grew by the hour. Every hour was an hour closer to the dreaded exams. And with how exhausted you were, you doubted you would even be able to stand up by the day of the exams. That is why you were now in your dorm, trying to force your brain to shut off and allow you into a restful slumber. It was still early enough that your dorm was empty besides yourself, you were hoping that would allow you to feel safe enough to sleep. And after a battle it did seem to work. Your body finally succumbed to your exhaustion. But would it be a restful sleep or would you still be plagued by hellish dreams?

Unfortunately for you it was the latter. You immediately realised you would be trapped in your own mind again tonight. Your brain concocting some of the most barbaric methods you could be punished for failing these god damn exams. In each scenario your mind made up, it was the disappointment soaking Lady Lesso's every word that got you. She expected more from you. You'd let her down. A never shouldn't ever let the Dean down. What would she do with you now? Tears sprang in your eyes as she continued her rant. The words cutting deeper than any knife or blade you could've found. No this was a different hurt. Something more raw.  It was here that you saw the phrase "sticks and stones will break my bones but little words will never hurt me" was absolute bullshit. Words do hurt. And that look in her eyes right now? Well that hurt most of all. All you wanted to do was do well yet this slumber was showing you what you feared the most. Failing.

Your body threw its self up in a startled attempt to grab some air into your burning lungs. Your tears staining your cheeks flowing like rivers. You were clearly in throws of panic and you knew you had to calm down. But you can't here, not with all these people. So you did what seems best in your panicked state. You threw yourself into your curses and death traps book hoping to retain any extra information you possibly could. Sleep would clearly be off the card for you once more tonight. Occasionally your body would pull you back into a slumber but your mind pushing you straight back out from it. Exhaustion seemed to downplay exactly what you were experiencing now.

All throughout your morning classes you were struggling to pay attention and stay alert. You managed but it was a very close call. You could feel your eyes starting to flutter shut before you forced them open. You couldn't afford to sleep through any class time. Time was of the essence when it came to passing these god damn exams. After that all the stress would just melt away. Until then you were stuck in this cycle. Lunch came and once you had quickly ate enough to be satisfied you once again had your head buried deep in your book. You had Lady Lesso next for curses and death traps. A lesson today was being taught how to defend yourself with your unique talents. Physically this was not something you excel at. It requires a great deal of power, stability and stamina. All of which you felt you didn't have at the moment.

In the classroom you settled quickly still reading your book until the tone that was only Lesso began to float around the room. Instantly you were informed practical first theory for the second half and you couldn't help but almost groan out loud. Your sparring went well but then again you were gaining Hort so that could explain why. You were glad to be back at your desk after exerting all that extra energy a sit down was definitely needed.

Only a sit down became a slumber on your desk. Your body exhausted and shut itself down into a quick nap. Your desk being at the back of the room you were sure you could get away with it. But unfortunately for you Lady Lesso spotted you almost instantly. At first she let the waves of shock roll through her. You were brave enough to fall asleep in her lesson? Either you had a death wish or you were stupid. And honestly Lesso knew it was not the latter. Once you'd had about fifth teen minutes of sleep, Lesso stalked towards your desk slamming her cane onto the hard wood. You instantly shot up in fear, apologies spilling from your lips. You were most definitely going to be punished now.

And that you were. Lady Lesso informed you that you had detention with her. Sighing in frustration you attempted to hide the panic you felt. You attempted to focus for your theory portion of the class, but your brain was whirling with all sorts of barbaric punishments that could possibly be in your near future. You were quick to flee from the classroom and rush to the food hall. Once again you struggled to handle a lot of food. You continued to taking in the words on the pages until you were grabbed by two of Lady Lesso's guards. Instantly they began to drag you away. You seemed to attract everyone's gaze as you were dragged out. Yet you didn't struggle or scream, just allowed them to pull you to your destination.

And then you were alone. Tied down to a singular chair on a small podium. The room could only be described as gloomy. Doom room. It suddenly all made sense. You called out for someone, anyone but there was no reply. Which is why you felt safe enough to once again accidentally drift off. It was a unnatural and rather uncomfortable position but you still managed to sleep.

Unknown to you, Lesso was waiting in the shadows watching you closely. She couldn't believe you'd actually managed to fall asleep once more. No one had ever fell asleep like this. Most sat stature still terrified of what was coming. But not you. It was a rather intriguing reaction, not one she was expecting to see at all. Then she began to to piece together the odd actions you'd been displaying recently while her gaze ran over your exhausted form. It all made too much sense. And quite frankly she was frustrated with herself for noticing sooner. You were running yourself into the ground that was painfully obvious now. Deciding that the chair was not a suitable resting place she decided to approach you. The sounds of her cane hitting the floor is what startled you this time.

"You, you, you, you" she hummed out her words dancing off the walls. You followed her movements with your eyes waiting for the harsh words or actions directed at you. What you were not expecting was for her to come and undo the restraints keeping you in place. Despite your new freedom you still didn't move, not wanting to anger the fiery tempered women. You gasped out in shock as the Dean took you by the hand leading you away from the room and towards her office. Only once you were sat by her fire did you start to relax.

"Darling? Are you not sleeping well?" She cooed out hoping to encourage you to open up to her. You sighed and nodded. She was quick to respond with a simple "why?" In which you finally broke down. The exhaustion, stress and fear all becoming too much for you, all you could do is cry and curl up into yourself. You didn't understand why but you were soon gathered into the arms of your Dean and rocked in such a gentle manner it was very unlike her. A hand began to trail your spine with feather light touches until they find purchase in your hair scratching gently on your scalp. It was those actions along with a flurry of reassurance that you would do absolutely fine in your exams. There was no need to put all this pressure and stress on yourself. She reassured you that you wouldn't be punished at all, after all she was evil not heartless. And with that you allowed the older women to rock you and soothe you into a much needed sleep. Unsure if you'd stay asleep you were placed on the sofa with a blanket draped over you so Lesso could be here should you wake.

Word count ~ 1855

[sol-consort]

Yeah now that I've played it, it's gonna be a hard agree with you. They just lowered the price so much that I was like I should try it. I actually feel really bad for people who paid full price because even if the main character in this story wasn't Shepard (which was already hard for me enough) you would still expect it to feel like a mass effect game and it doesn't, it doesn't have that spark like you said. Like I feel like the reason I connected with the original trilogy so much was because of the story amd the realistic world building even when it came to things that seem fantastical, like it approached things in a way that it still felt like a "human" story if you know what I mean and that's without even getting into the characters which are also so well written (like you could write a whole dissertation about it). While Andromeda, it just feels like a generic sci-fi game, Personally, I feel like it doesn't have any heart. I feel like it felt very disconnected from the og 3 and not like in a good way where you're exploring world building, but like in a bad way where it feels like you can remove it from the mass effect universe entirely and it wouldn't change a thing. Which it shouldn't be that way, you payed for a mass effect game you should be getting that mass effect experience. Again I'm really heated for the people who payed full price. In terms of the stages of grief, I skipped stages and went right to depression because I was like, 'damn I can't believe I payed for this 😭'. Also, in the future, I think I will refrain from playing sequel games set so far in the future from the og stuff because (and I'm not proud of this) I started crying about the passage of time (that might be a me thing however because I'm PMS-ing rn so anything can make me cry).

P.S. sorry for the long rant. I was just so disappointed, and I had to tell somebody whose also played the games.

Oh anon I started crying too :"( Like yeah think about just how many years it has been and how the entire crew is gone now. Kaidan, Ashley, Joker, Garrus and literally everyone is 6 feet deep in the grave. Their children and children's children also passed away.

The world moved on, from both Shepard's legacy and the threat of reapers.

There is also the other grim alternate universe where Shepard wasn't successful at defeating the reapers, that the entire milky way has been wiped down. Everyone harvested as another cycle was set to completion.

ME3 was a bit emotional, seeing the earth getting attacked, all the homeplanets getting attacked as the war reached every corner of the galaxy. A slaughter where no single person was spared...and you're telling me that we were what, sleeping in freezing pods millions of light years away? While everyone was fighting?? :( And now they're dead, all the characters you loved and grew attached to, even Liara herself reached the end of her lifespan.

I'm sorry you had to find out about Andromeda this way through playing it, I wish I could've answered that ask sooner.

That grim reality sets in a little bit after the first mission, and it stings that the game doesn't allow you the time to mourn. The least it could do was make the plot more focused on rescuing the missing arks or showing a little more concer for them? I still get sad thinking about the hanar, drell, and quarian arks. They're the ones who deserved a new beginning more than anything. The asari, humans, and turians always had everything to begin with! Why are we still focused so much on them and rescuing their arks when the other more vulnerable species need our help more?

But it does make sense. We are a pathfinder, not a rescue team, not a hero, not the defence line. We plant flagpoles and mark suitable grounds to establish bases, we don't even get to stay or help with it much besides a few errands. Because once a place is livable, our job is done and we need to move to a different planet and plant flags again. It's not our job to defend or secure the colonies, only point them towards where they should pitch their tents then go on our way.

God...it makes me feel so much worse realising that the krogans departed just a few years short of the genophage mass cure—if only had they waited even a little bit, half of them wouldn't have escaped to Andromeda after losing all hope about their planet and people ever getting restored.

AT LEAST LET IT HAPPEN AFTER ME3! LET THE KROGANS GET THEIR CURE :"(((

[hermitcatlongposts]

Sprite Animations

Hello! I'm here to talk about my sprite animations in my upcoming touhou-clone game.

This was even more overwhelming than portrait artworks. Because to animate is to draw even more when just drawing once overwhelms me. But here I am at the end of it.

Let's start from the easiest to hardest.

Bellhead Monk was a smooth sailing because since long ago I always knew that all I needed was to just extend his arms and reverse. His main theme of attack is about expansion and shrinkage.

Here's all 3 frames. I love how I briskly redrew the gray fur piece to deform instead of going the lazy route and just move only the arms and call it a day. I'm always afraid of sounding like a self-lusting narcissist, but it is very unexpected; the way even the smallest things I do as an artist make me feel proud of myself. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned about projecting the perfect humble gentleman image. Maybe creating art to make yourself happy is the point of life. Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Next one is Buckethead Knight. He's harder but only because I shot myself in the foot by drawing the first frame without coming up with the animation idea. If I did know motion he would perform, I would've put the sword and the shield on a separate layer from the rest so I wouldn't have to awkwardly erase and redraw things.

oh now that I look at it straight like this, it looks like a death animation, doesn't it. Well, he will anyways, tough luck.

I cannot remember the reason why I put these two in one gif. They're not duo boss. For Flaskhead Alchemist and Lamphead Scientist I felt curious about utilizing particle effects and keep the actual animation frames as simple as I can because I'm suffering from skill issues.

But even with that being said, this one's a bit of a step up because it's one more frame than previous two character.

The spinning staff is separate sprite because it still spins on while the body animation stops at the last frame.

Now, I could try the similar thing as Buckethead Knight and make a slashing (more like just swinging around) animation with only his one arm moving. But the time inevitably comes where I have to cut the "lazy and smart, haha" bullshit off. He moves all parts of his body so it's time to draw every frames from scratch. Ok, forget my big talk. I was joking. I'm still a piece of garbage. Due to the absolute requirement of outline thickness consistency, all these sprites are first drawn in 512x512 pixel canvas and then shrunk down to 128px inside the game engine for pixel per unit to camera size technical yada yada. But his long sword, or rather a bamboo stick couldn't fit inside the 512px canvas. What I should've done is to simply resize the canvas to 1024px and draw in the sword. But I was stupid and drew the sword in separate file and now it's kinda awkward relationship which slightly stops me from uploading his full resolution frames. But it doesn't really matter, you're only gonna see a very small 128px version in the game anyways. So here's a bunch of screenshots of the frames seen from the engine:

And 3 frames of physics:

Tho I didn't have the hutzpa to do it on the lower part.

But can I gush a bit about the base frame. My expectations are constantly at absolute lowest and I always get happy when it actually turns out great. (subjective) I really hope it stays this way forever. God I hope it won't be the case in the future where after I practice art seriously it gets reversed and I always have too high expectations and live in a constant state of disappointment and hatred.

Thank you so much for bearing with me while I take on this overwhelming challenge. I'll go now and do less overwhelming but even more bulky task to the finish line. Until then, cheers!

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 26th July

I feel like the 1950s have been a funny era, in terms of artist names. It's not that you don't get memorable names, but for every Gogi Grant and and Lonnie Donegan, you've also got artists with nondescript names like Tony Martin and Ronnie Hilton. And both of those were stage names! Somebody thought "hey, what name's going to really grab people?" and that's what they came up with - baffling.

Walk Hand In Hand With me - Tony Martin (peaked at Number 2)

We've started big and orchestra, with a swell of strings, rolling timpani and a chorus. This is epic music straight off the bat, and Tony doesn't disappoint when he comes in, his voice ponderously operatic. It's a style that we've been hearing on and off since 1952, and I don't love it, but you can't deny that it does create a certain grandeur in this song.

It helps that the lyrics are also quite wide in their scope, with Tony exhorting his love to Walk hand in hand with me, though all eternity / Have faith, believe in me, give me your hand. It turns the giving and holding of hands into a big, epic gesture, an act of faith and of entrusting your whole life to another person - more than just hand-holding, it's about living life together and committing to each other. I'm not sure that it entirely works; lyrics like Love is a symphony of perfect harmony just seem a little overblown. Still, there's a gentle reassurance when Tony encourages his love to Be not afraid, for I am with you all the while / So lift your head up high, and look toward the sky.

Actually, there's a sort of religious vibe to the whole thing, with all the talk of having faith and believing. The "Be not afraid, for I am with you" and "no greater love" lines literally echo all sort of passages from the Bible, and then, if you hadn't got it yet, we get lines where Tony sings about how God is our destiny. Which feels kind of out of place, honestly, a moment of real religiosity in a song that's otherwise just using it as a backdrop.

It's a sweet song, though it feels a little old-fashioned; I can't imagine the newly-minted youths getting into this one, you know? But then again, maybe a song about committing to somebody for life is a song that would appeal more to a slightly older demographic, anyway? Interestingly, Gerry & The Pacemakers did a version of this one, too, though, and I associate them with a much fresher, 1960s Merseybeat sound. I guess they also did You'll Never Walk Alone, which is a bit more similar to this. Their version only reached Number 29, so it's not going to come up here, more's the pity.

Who Are We - Ronnie Hilton (6)

Well, it's another grandiose start, and a similarly operatic style, though there's something a bit subtler about Ronnie's style, and something a bit lighter in the instrumentation and arrangements of this one - it's not making quite such grand claims as Tony was making.

That's not to say that this song doesn't also have ambitions. Immediately, we're evoking some of the same faux-deep "isn't nature the most marvellous thing" rhetoric we saw most effectively in Frankie Laine's "I Believe", as Ronnie asks Who are we to doubt the things we see, a rose, a leaf, a tree? These things are just natural, he claims, and likewise, just as we shouldn't be doubting why nature is as it is, who are they to dare to say our love can never be? And with this, we've got to the heart of it. Somebody - a mysterious "they" - has been trying to keep Ronnie and his love apart! But just like you can't stop nature doing its thing, there's nothing, according to Ronnie, that can kill their feelings. They're in love, As sure as summer follows spring / As sure as Sunday church bells ring / As sure as oceans ever flow. Simple, right?

Except... it also kind of sounds, reading into it, like Ronnie's love isn't quite as convinced by this argument as he would like. After all, the song isn't called "Who Are They". It's not about Ronnie defiantly calling out these people who don't think him and his love should be together. It's about him trying to convince a love who is maybe a bit more swayed by these interlopers' arguments. And so, Ronnie's left asking who are we to turn the key that locks the door to love? It's an image of an over-cautious lover, and Ronnie putting all of the rhetoric he can into convincing them not to give up on a relationship that they're having second thoughts about. Which is certainly an interesting dynamic, though not necessarily one that paints Ronnie in the best light? Or maybe that's me reading too much into it.

It's subtler than Tony's delivery, but it's definitely working in the same vein - there's a similarly shameless grandstanding to it, and a similar reliance on an overblown poetic register that I don't think many artists today could pull off. They're both very earnest songs, and I just think we've got a bit more jaded in the way we talk about love nowadays, for better or for worse. Also, how many songs today are getting away with lyrics about mortals such as we?

Well, those were surprisingly similar songs, and both of them feel like they could have been hits at any point in the preceding four years. In fact, Who Are We seems to have also been a hit for Vera Lynn - we're talking properly old-school, here. I don't love either of them, but one was just that little bit more interesting, and that little bit more convincing in its sentiment. So...

Favourite song of the bunch: Walk Hand in Hand With Me

[finsterhund]

So a talk with my doctor revealed some things.

My ADHD meds are for the most part working as intended and I'm just understimulated and depressed. I need to work towards learning how to aim my brain and attention towards things efficiently. The meds aren't making me lack restraint or anything. Everything else is. Essentially the meds making me sit down and do extensive crying dog research for 12 hours is because that's what I "wanted" (consciously or not) to do. My meds aren't a miracle cure that will magically get me to sit down and work on things I have to work on they just give me the focus to work on things. Which is disappointing but I understand that. I was foolish to think otherwise tbh.

Self control as someone who's obsessive and has psychopathic mannerisms is obviously not my strong suit. We will be looking into switching my antidepressants and anti psychotics so that they mesh better with the mental ability my ADHD meds give me.

In hindsight this makes so much sense that the problem isn't the ADHD meds making me spend 12 hours a day on a special interest but is actually my brain's fault and the meds just allowed me to reach my true potential. Meds aren't going to "cure" who I am and how my brain works. So I need to train myself to have focus (Jedi time lol)

Also I was concerned because the meds were supposedly going to have the side effect of not being tired or able to sleep upon taking them but that didn't happen to me and I could still fall asleep and have depression naps so I thought the meds weren't working. But turns out that's a side effect for people without ADHD. And that having ADHD I can sleep regardless and tiredness is based on what my brain is doing. So the pharmacist shouldn't have told me that they would keep me up and alert because my ADHD, why I'm taking the meds in the first place, makes me different and immune to that. I thought the meds weren't working but now I realize otherwise.

ADHD meds causing my ADHD to not limit my other issues is something I really should have expected. I spoke to other people and they said medicating their ADHD made them have to raise doses of other stuff too. Guess I should have talked around. I was so focused on my ADHD and the meds for ADHD that I didn't factor into it that I don't just have ADHD. There's PTSD and depression and allegedly BPD and maybe autism we still don't know about that and everything else under the sun and I'm grieving and blah blah blah.

I just got worried when I was spending so much time doing internet research but the issue is that I just need to learn to not go all obsessed with everything.

Again, it is disappointing that I can't just take meds and solve all my problems because I don't think I'm able at the present time for significant self improvement because I just want to curl up and die because Cazza isn't here on most days. But whatever.

Again, hindsight is 2020 and of course if I have nothing going for my life and no motivation when I get my ADHD meds I'm going to put my newfound brain power into something stupid but important to me like ripping the internet apart looking for more crying dogs. Foolish as I was for thinking the unmedicated ADHD was the issue with me not wanting to play games or write or draw when it's the fact that my service dog is dead and my disability prevents me from leaving the house on my own making me depressed as fuck that's sapped any and all desire to do anything but research and mope.

Shit life syndrome or whatever. I just wish there was a way to fix it. Therapy again perhaps but phone psychiatrist appointments did not help. Phone therapist appointments did not help. Maybe now that covid is less an issue I can have in person again but gotta find the strength to make phone calls and shit ugh.

My doctor told me I gained weight since last we met which was upsetting to me. But again. My service dog is dead and I don't have a will to live of course I'm eating for pleasure and also can't afford healthy stuff. Once my surgery is done and I'm recovered I'm going to the gym again though. So there's that.

Still no word on that by the way. I was hoping they'd schedule me sooner rather than later.

Also the medicine that's a pain in the ass to take I have to keep taking and I'm upset about that. I have neglected it and I have no stickers in my planner book I'm so sad I'm a failure. Anyways.

Roommate "wants help with bills" again this month of course. But this time he told me today, when I get paid, so it's not being sprung on me surprise again. Still annoying as all hell. He was like "oh maybe I could pay you back with art" but motherfucker I haven't had the desire to commission art since Cazza died that's yet another thing that lost its value to me now that the love of my life is fucking gone I don't know when that'll come back either.

The things in life that gave me purpose and reason and enjoyment are all bitter grey sawdust to me now that she's gone. I wish I knew when that would stop. It's really painful. Again, going back to my ADHD meds. That's the problem. Not the meds. The meds help my ADHD be manageable they won't fix the fact that life is pain and suffering and I miss my baby girl and everything just feels futile and pointless now.

Roommate wants to do group cosplay where he's Obi-Wan and I'm Anakin but 1. I wanted to be Obi-Wan (lol) and 2. I don't have the motivation to get a cosplay together. I don't even have motivation for my ANDY COSPLAY. THAT'S MY FUCKING LIFE I LOVE THAT SHIT. MY LIFE IS ALL ABOUT BEING ANDY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. THERE WAS A TIME BEFORE CAZZA BUT THAT'S SO ALIEN TO ME AT THIS POINT!!!!!?????

But there's a convention around the time that I should be getting my surgery at the latest (just my luck it will be then) so I don't even know if I'll be able to. I'm thinking about how I didn't go to conventions last couple years because Cazza was sick and I stayed home to take care of her it feels weird and not possible that I can go to conventions now because my brain is still programmed to stay home to take care of her.

I miss her so fucking much man. I hate this.

I really related to today's episode of the Bad Batch where Omega was missing Echo but expressed that by being upset the ship got stolen. Because that's exactly how my brain works. I guess it makes sense because my brain is a literal child.

In my extensive search for the crying dog I basically went through a hundred years of sears catalogs (yeah I told you didn't I?) And it gave me such a respect for vintage stuff and a more understanding of how stuff progressed I guess.

It feels stupid to say but part of me wishes I could have been raised in the stupid 1950s American dream suburb white picket fence boy wearing a striped shirt with a bicycle nuclear family picture perfect magazine ass childhood. You know. I wish my life could have been a Rockwell painting sometimes. I should be grateful I was born in the 90s and got the internet and shit but idk I just wish I got one of those magical "good families" that only ever seemed to have existed in fiction to me. The 50s weren't a good time to be a minority and there was the looming threat of nuclear war and all that shit but the advertisement photos look so cozy. I crave that normalcy I guess. I need to understand that even a good childhood didn't resemble those superficial staged photos.

Maybe dreaming about a 50s childhood is an improvement from my desires to be a caveman. Maybe not. Who fucking knows. I think the underlying issue is that I wish I was raised being wanted and loved and with security and a sense of community. Blah blah blah.

To be honest Anakin being a whiny brat with issues and a violent underlying darkness makes more sense for me to cosplay because that's me lol.

This I realize is a massive rambling and all that shit but idk. I just know people want updates on my life to know I'm okay.

I guess I am okay. I'm getting by at least. Grieving and inflation are my biggest issues. I'm so mad the cost of living keeps going up but my disability income hasn't changed since covid started. Man fuck.

Wish I could have my own place. I want a nice little farmhouse cottage sorta shit with an upstairs bedroom with slanted ceiling and my own living room and a yard and blah blah blah.

The ADHD meds confusion is starting to be funny to me now. It absolutely lets me stay focused on what I set out to do. It's just something that wasn't responsible or advisable to have chosen in the first place.

I am going to try to force myself into focusing on actually making crying dogs. Or playing a game. I don't know what caused me to stop making the dogs this time. Working with the felt was so good maybe I had issues with the actual fabric. Who knows.

I think that's everything. I'll try to update more.

[fcb-mv33]

Every single team and driver were fucked over by FIA last season and more often than not Merc was the one who benefited from it. The drivers were all placed in unnecessary danger in Spa (thank God Lando was ok), every driver said they shouldn't be out in those conditions but they were sent out anyway. After so many incidents this year it took FIA far too long to red flag the incident (I always think of Charles on the radio after Max's wheel came off Baku, his anger was 100% justified) or send out the safety car (Also Toto shouldn't be allowed to talk about driver safety when he was the one stirring shit about a crash between Max and Lewis and didn't want the safety car out in Abu Dhabi WHEN ANTONIO WAS STILL ON THE FREAKING TRACK I'm sorry but that one still angers me to no bounds. They're mad Christian said all they needed was one more lap but Toto wanting to endanger Antonio is fine). (Saudi Arabia was a joke in terms of restarts too. No driver knew where they were starting from because FIA wasn't clear and wasn't communicating to everyone and Seb & Lando were especially fucked over at that race). The penalities have been pure bs this year and beyond inconsistent. Here it comes "Silverstone get over it" (the same people harping on about Abu Dhabi... At least their driver didn't have to go to the freaking hospital. "It wasn't a big deal". Go get by 51g then come back to me!), but Lewis' penalty was a fucking joke. Max's car was wrecked, it needed a new engine, Max was literally hospitalized... But sure 5 secs or whatever it was enough FIA... Also the fact Max got more of a punishment for touching a car than George did for hitting another driver in the head after crash, with said driver still in his car after said crash, is fucking bullshit. "But Max broke the rules", and what the f did George do? Do you think he "tapped" Valterri's head to make sure he was still conscious or something?! He was angry and reacted horrifically and unsportsmanlike and all he got was a "stern" talking to from Toto (who has also gotten angry and reacted horrifically this year) which is just ridiculous. Redbull have been one of the most vocal teams about FIA'S inconsistency, Merc didn't care until Abu Dhabi when it went against them in the last lap. Redbull were told to suck it up all season, even at the start of the last race. They did and things went their way in the end.

That idea that this was a conspiracy against lewis is the most laughable thing I ever heard. Max would've won the championship as early as Turkey if that was the case because FIA'S decisions would've benefitted him instead. But every driver & team were fucked over by FIA. That didn't start in Abu Dhabi, it's just a whole lot of those people calling FIA out wouldn't have cared if it hadn't effected Lewis there. I could sympathize if they were actually going for the real enemy (which is FIA, driver safety shouldn't be in question) but they're determined to shit Max and anybody who's ever said anything positive about him. Ever. The abuse Alex received was beyond disgusting and I'm still appalled. Latifi & Mick too, though the hate Alex & Latifi got was incomparable to what Mick got (though that too was deeply wrong and unjustifiable), as it was also racially motivated (I don't know if you saw the comments some made about Alexs deceased pet but they were so beyond disgusting, it genuinely makes me sick). I can't emphasize with people who condone that behavior. (Or people who are like "I'm disgusted by the hate Alex got, anyways I get why Alex said it but I'm still deeply disappointed in him for associating with a driver I personally don't like he should know better" you aren't much better. Also I haven't seen George get any type of this abuse (definitely not saying he should or condoning it; just comparing) for being friends with the nameless Haas driver who you know inappropriately touched a woman without consent... It's a "we don't talk about Bruno" situation on here. If anybody thinks the nameless Haas driver & Max are comparable in any way, I invite them to go take a running jump).

Sorry for the long ass rant which I'm not even sure makes sense but I needed to get it out

Anon if I could give you a standing ovation for this I would…you are SO CORRECT😌😌

Spa, Baku, and Jeddah are the races that MUST be looked into. If the drivers are saying the conditions are to wet to drive in a red flag should straight away be sent out, they are racers yes but their lives should not be put on the line like that….Lando was so lucky that he was not really hurt, I mean my heart stopped seeing the car like that. Baku was a joke, Max’s car was in a dangerous area and also it was the fact it was the same tire that blew on Max and Lance’s tire which is why Red Bull calling on a red flag was correct because god forbid another car’s tire blew and hit Max while he was in the car, and yeah I don’t think I have ever heard Charles so pissed on the radio. Silverstone was an accident that could have ended Max’s season and I don’t think lh fans accept that Lewis was at fault…he should have not been left win that race…he didn't deserve it, he didn’t deserve to celebrate.

I think that Toto needs to be called in about his behavior in those last few races, asking for no red flag in two races while also making comments about Max’s character that he would be the one to crash into Lewis when it was Lewis who caused the biggest crash this season and that really was Defamation. Toto and Lewis had no right to make these remarks about Max, like I have said they used the media to make Max fit into the villain role when it wasn’t like that. Toto’s attitude these last races was a joke and HE wanted to put drivers lives in danger by TELLING not asking but telling Masi no red flag….he needs to be held accountable for that cause if it was Christian…he would be slated. George should have gotten a reprimand for hitting Bottas on the head, Max got one for shoving Ocon and also George's comments after the race??? Disgustion, he is learning to blame everyone else for his fuck up like Lewis does. Red Bull have called Masi out all season…Merc didn’t care cause they benefited all year.

I can say that I have no sympathy for Lewis or Merc, their behavior this year towards Max, basically using the media to bully his was disgusting and honestly their fans being this upset is what they deserve. The abuse Nicky and Alex got and have been getting is disgusting, they think they can say whatever cause they support Lewis. Also don’t forget that some of them said they wish Max died in Silverstone. I am happy they lost, they deserved to lose and Max was better than Lewis all season, Lewis only showed up in the last few races, unlike Max

Don’t apologize honey!! I enjoy reading these rants and replying…please do send more if you ever want to get it off your chest🧡🧡🧡

[adleryoung]

"Here I am," someone said as she grabbed me from behind and held a knife to my throat. A bell tinkled very close by.

"Minister Lynne?" I gulped. With that woolly smell, the deceptively soft voice, the tantalizing curves pressed against me, and of course the little bell, it had to be her. I should have known! "How did you get here?"

"It's just Lana now, thanks to you," she snarled. "As to how I got here, obviously I crept. The mushroom stealth technique you developed is surprisingly effective."

"I can see how that would work on me and my Ixies," I admitted. "But the trees? They should have stopped you." I had to keep her talking while I figured out what to do!

"I know secret phrases to command the forest," Lana gloated.

"How do you know that??" I spluttered. It seemed my arboreal defenses could be penetrated by pretty much ANYBODY. "Did Ash tell you?"

"Your Doctor Cesawonki?" Lana laughed. "Please. The Sisterhood has made bargains reaching back long before his time. The trees bear an obligation to us that supersedes any instructions you or he may have given them."

"Okay then, why are you here?" I asked, playing for time.

"Surely you can guess," Lana snorted. "It shouldn't be hard even for you to figure out! I am here to complete the mission Ms. Thomson abandoned when she turned traitor! Asking the Sisterhood to find info on 'Ash' was a tactical error on your part. After letting us know that you were still alive, and exactly where you were, did you not think we would send someone out to get you? This is exactly why the so-called 'Scion of Irenaeus' can't be left to his own devices. It's like watching a brain-dead infant wander through a field strewn with traps. After all the time and energy we invested in you, I have to say you've been a big disappointment."

"It will be impossible to restore the Empire if you assassinate me," I pointed out. "I'm the only one left … unless you count Bodb and Matholwch, but surely …"

"The Duchess will be difficult to negotiate with, it's true," Lana admitted thoughtfully. "Speaking of Antgladers, I see you are still associating with that trashy raccoon, but interestingly there is no sign of Thomson. I was at first tempted to think you got tired of her and sent her away, but no. You are still keeping Burnside around, which shows that your taste in company has not improved. And now I see you're also hanging out with lowfolk, of all things."

"They are useful to me," I replied, trying to make it sound Unseelie.

"Indeed," Lana sneered. "So where is Thomson anyway?"

"I have no idea," I shrugged. Was Lana's grip around me relaxing? "Frankly I'm amazed that Burnside survived. They were both on the field when I ACCIDENTALLY released the Plague of Battles."

"The best thing you ever did, and it wasn't even on purpose," Lana sighed. "Ah well, most likely that twice-failed two-bit floozy failed yet again and was gruesomely slain in battle. Dying a traitor's death; it's a shame I didn't get to see it."

This was my chance! As Lana's attention wavered, I used a move Adoyret Sam had taught me to twist free of her grip. As I spun, I swiped at her with the arrow in my hand, but it glanced harmlessly off her horns. However, she was so startled that she dropped her dagger. I immediately apported it away to a random location and stepped back, nocking my arrow and aiming directly at her heart.

"Impressive," Lana chuckled as she cracked her hooves. "I heard that the Adoyret had taught you a few things, and I see his efforts were not wasted. This might even be fun. Think you can take me on, little princeling? See if you can ring my bell."

She lunged at me and I shot my bow, but she somehow deflected the arrow aside and tackled me to the ground.

We wrestled for what seemed like a long time, although probably it was just a few minutes. She seemed to be everywhere at once. I scratched and kicked and bit, using all of Sam's training. I managed to ring Lana's little bell several times, but alas, I could not land a decisive blow. She was just too slippery!

"Pretty good," she said when it was over, as she dragged me by my ear towards the dolmen. "Could be better, but honestly not bad. I'll have to re-evaluate you. We'll talk in the antechamber, away from any eavesdroppers … because unlike some people, I take care not to have my plans overheard."

[atalho-s]

Light Up The Dark

Part 3 | I am fused just in case I blow out

pairing: bartender!tom x famous!reader

warnings: smut +18 miniors dni, swear words?, drinking, mention of anxiety crisis, let me know if anything else!

words: 4.3 k

a/n: english it’s not my first language, so i’m sorry for any mistake! If you want to be tagged in the next chapters let me know!!

PART 3 if you want to read part 2 click here!

Y/n sat down with her coffee at a cafeteria table. She took a deep breath and opened her notebook, double-clicking the document and revealing the page she'd been trying to write for some time. It couldn't be happening again. It was already the third writer's block in a row and to say she was starting to get angry was an understatement.

It was becoming a constant problem and she didn't know what to do anymore. It was getting embarrassing how many times she had gone to her neighborhood coffee shop. Staying in her apartment alone was making her completely claustrophobic, which was ironic given her apartment was so big and spacious.

But what was making her so upset and with that lack of creativity? That's what she wanted to find out. Maybe it was the story, maybe it would be a sign that that story shouldn't be written.

She took a deep breath and rested her chin on her palm looking at the screen. She didn't want to give up on June, her character, so easy. She really want to finish this, had she already invested too much time in something that in the end would come to nothing? That didn't sound like her.

But if that were the only way, she would have no alternative, she would have to give up and maybe come back one day when her creativity shines again.

She felt her cell phone vibrate in her coat pocket and caught it looking that was Milla. She slid the screen and answered.

- Hi Mil... - she said a little discouraged.

- Hey Lovey! Why the sad voice? - Milla said and Y/n smirked.

- Just discouraged with the new book...

- Nothing yet? - Mila already knew about the extensive Y/n block’s creativity since she kept calling asking for tips on teas or candles that would bring inspiration (since Mil was an expert in these crazy things about spiritism and nature), which obviously didn't help.

- Nothing, actually I'm thinking about giving up this time...

- Hey Hey hey! No giving up, are you crazy? - Milla said and Y/n sighed. - You just need a little push, it will come back eventually.

- I don't know Mil... It seems that the inspiration went away for good.

- Since when did you lose your ideas? I remember that weeks ago you were all excited, you even wrote three wonderful chapters, maybe if you try to do the same thing you did in these weeks the ideas will come back... - Milla said and Y/n started to remember the weeks that passed. What had she done? Well, she had spent more at home as usual, a few days meeting with the director of the series based on her book, chatting a bit with Emma Brown, and the other day doing an interview for a famous magazine, but that was it. She hadn't done anything big...

Y/n thought some more. Emma Brown and her birthday party, after that day she had a flurry of ideas where she wouldn't stop writing, but then what happened to make everything suddenly stop? Well, there was an obvious incident... And by incident she meant: Tom. That waiter had really messed with her the two nights she had been with him. But she hadn't seen him since and she was super okay with it, it wasn't like she was thinking about him, his smell, his smile, the way he knew how to touch her... Ok, that was going too far.

But why since she saw him she started having her lack of ideas again? It wasn't possible. What if he was inspiring her in some way or another? Maybe the way he relaxed her and made her forget about everything made her creative.

- Y/n? Bestie? - Milla asked on the other end of the line. - Are you still there?

- Hi Mil! - Y/n said out of his thoughts. - Sorry, I went out of orbit for a few seconds.

- I noticed... What are you thinking about huh?

- Oh no big deal... Just... I have to prove a theory and if it works out I'll tell you.

- Theory? What theory? - Milla asked curiously.

- I have to go, but I'll call you later ok? - Y/n said and didn't wait for Milla to answer, hanging up the phone and hurriedly packing up her things.

She had to prove she wasn't going crazy. Maybe Tom really was her energy charge in some way, she had to prove if her creativity would come back. And if he was, she really wouldn't know what to do. She couldn't sleep with him every time her lack of ideas came up. But, she was desperate and despair brought drastic attitudes.

So she ran back to her apartment to change her clothes. To think that she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't go after him, was humiliating, but she didn't care at the moment. As soon she got home, she went straight to her closet, wanting to impress him, but at the same time she wanted him to think that she went there to get someone else, it would be less pathetic.

She spotted a white dress, one that she had never worn before, presumably because she didn't like to show too much of her body, but she decided to take a chance with it. She dressed, put on her high-heeled sandals and did her makeup (the basic one she knew how to do) and when it was almost 11pm she was heading towards the Seven Devils bar.

Arriving there, she saw the same security guard who had let her through, a friend of Tom's. She nodded to him and entered. The bar was a little more crowded, maybe because it was friday night. He felt butterflies in her stomach, what if someone recognized her? She doubted they would, but even though she wasn't doing anything wrong she hated being in the media. She took a deep breath and went deeper into the room. It was dark and the dance floor was open, crowded with people dancing and few people sitting at the table. Only the bar light was visible, where she immediately looked for someone with brown hair and a bar uniform, but she didn't saw him, just Sally, the other bartender. Maybe he has a day off?

She headed towards the bar to order a drink, leaning against the counter and looked around, no sign of him. Maybe she had gone there for nothing. Sally approached and Y/n smiled asking for a drink, she didn't want to ask about him because it would be too much and besides Sally didn't recognize her, or pretended not to, so it would be weird.

- Special night? - Y/n asked when she delivered her drink, indicating the number of people and why the dance floor was open.

- Yeah, we do it every friday, the bar ends up turning into a club. - Sally replied taking some glasses and turned to serve other customers.

She picked up her glass and headed out onto the dance floor. It wouldn't hurt for her to have a little fun. Weaving through the crowd, she started shyly dancing for a few long minutes alone, until a guy approached.

-Hey ...-he said smiling and stopped in front of her.

- Hey... - Y/n said suspiciously and looked around drinking her drink.

- I saw you're alone... Can I stay here? he asked and Y/n bit her lip thoughtfully. Well, Tom clearly wasn't there and what if his ideas didn't just depend on him? But of her hooking up with someone? Anyone...

- Of course! - she said smiling at last and he approached dancing with her while the lights flashed. He was handsome, had those piercing eyes that wouldn't stop watching her every move.

Another song started to play and Y/n started dancing more sensually. The boy came even closer placing his hand on her waist and she smiled, satisfied with her effect. Everything was going well until she glanced at the bar and found a pair of brown eyes staring at her.

Tom. So there he was, wearing his uniform, his hair pulled back as usual, he was gorgeous and with a shaker in one hand shaking furiously. He didn't take his eyes off hers which made her shiver.

He just looked away when he had to take care of the next customer, and Y/n looked at the guy in front of her, where she now had a hand on his shoulder. Who was she kidding? She wanted Tom... At least she would try to have him that night, because she was curious to test her theory with him.

- I'll be right back. - she said and the guy opened his arms disappointed as she walked away, taking the rest of her drink and heading towards the bar again.

She leaned against the counter and saw Tom saying goodbye to a customer looking at her from the corner of his eye. She approached her and grinned when he stopped in front of her.

- This is getting embarrassing darling... - he said wiping the counter with a towel.

- What are you talking about?- she asked raising an eyebrow.

- You coming here just to see me? Tsc tsc... pathetic - he said with a smirk and Y/n felt her stomach turn with anxiety as he looked up at her.

- And who said I came here for you? - She said trying to hide it.

- I don't know, maybe because you could have gone to any bar better than this one in the entire city, but you chose this one, strange isn't it? - He asked taking her glass and preparing another drink.

- Funny, I only came here because I liked the place last time... Besides I was even flirting with another guy seconds ago, so your theory doesn't make sense. - Y/n said ironically and did not take her eyes off his trying to be firm on her tone.

- Yeah, I know... But it's funny that you didn't take your eyes off me while dancing with him... - he said putting her glass, now full, back on the counter.

- I was just surprised to have seen you, since I had even forgotten that you worked here. - She said drinking a sip from her glass and he laughed ironically.

-Of course love ... Of course ...-he said tilting his head to the side and approached his face to hers leaning on the counter. Y/n stared at him a little lost in his scent coming in waves to her nose and she could now see his freckles up close, as well as the arrogant smile that never left his face.

- I bet you came here for another round, right? he said quietly, his breath hitting her face and she almost closed her eyes. -Getting dressed like that, dancing sensually while watching me...-he said biting his lip looking her face up and down and stopping at her lips. Y/n swallowed, ok he had an almost paranormal effect on her.

- I-I... - she stuttered and he smiled even more seeing her disconcerted. - I don't know what you're talking about. - Y/n said finally and walked away a little, wanting to get out of that situation. She wanted him, but she didn't want to give out so easily.

- Of course you don't know sweetheart, but I can remind you later. - He said, winking and then walking away, heading towards another customer who had arrived.

Y/n let out the air she didn't even know she was holding, tooking a big swig of her drink and set the glass on the counter heading back to the floor. Tom was very arrogant, but denying that she didn't like it was a lie.

She arrived on the floor and went back to dancing closer. The guy from before now was talking to another girl which made her a little sad, she wanted to have fun with Tom's face some more. She stayed there for a few minutes, until three people approached her, surrounding her.

- Hey... Aren't you the Y/n? - a girl said and Y/n wanted to hide for a moment.

- Erm... I am. - She said smiling.

- I saw you in an interview last week! I love your books! Take a picture with me? she asked taking her cell phone out of her pocket.

- Of course! - Y/n said and posed with the three people while they took pictures.

- Hey! You are Y/n aren't you? I saw you in Emma's birthday pictures! -a guy said right behind approaching too and some people around her start to look at her.

- It is true! I recognized her from somewhere! - another girl said also approaching and Y/n started to get a little scared. She didn't see the harm in taking pictures with some fans, but being buried by them was a nightmare.

- Take a picture with me? - another also said.

- Your books are terrible! - another one shouted laughing.

- I bet the next one will be even worse! 

- Who is this? Never heard of it!

- I bet it must be some actress wanting attention.

And when she saw she was surrounded by a crowd almost being suffocated, but more people kept surrounding her and filling her with questions about her book, or cursing her in some way, which started to make her sick and claustrophobic .

-Please, guys...-she started to speak, but her voice broke and was lost with the loud music and with the people talking loudly around her. For a moment she thought she was going to pass out. Until she felt someone putting a hand on her waist and guiding her out of the crowd hurriedly walking beside her.

The crowd started to follow them and Y/n just stared at her feet, still feeling her heart beat fast. The next thing she saw was this person pulling her to the side of the bar through a door and then closing it.

He looked around when the light was turned on and saw some boxes on the floor and shelves. She was in a warehouse and Tom was standing in front of her.

- You are okay?- he asked looking at her worriedly.

- I...- She closed her eyes for a few seconds and opened them again. - I'm fine, it was just a scare, thank you for saving me...

- It's ok darling... - he said approaching to check if she was really ok and Y/n felt dizzy, staggering a little and he held her by the waist preventing her from falling. - Whoa, I don't think you're okay, love.

- It's ok, it was just an anxiety attack with drinking... - she said putting her hand on her temples, feeling her vision rotate a little. - I just... I really want to leave.

- Okay, how about we walk slowly and I take you home? -He said still holding tight to her waist and she looked at him.

-O-ok...- she said nodding and they started walking slowly.

After passing through the warehouse, Tom opened another door that opened into the backyard of the bar, where he could see his car. He helped her in and sat down next to her.

- Tom? - Y/n asked when he started the car and starting to move.

- Huh? -he said turning his face towards her.

- Can you... Can you take me somewhere else? I don't want to go home... - she said feeling a little pathetic. But she didn't want to face her gigantic apartment right now, wanted to be with someone somewhere else who didn't remember what she'd just been through.

- Sure darling... - he said stopping at the red light. - Where you want to go?

- Could be your house? I mean, I don't want to take advantage or anything, I just... I need to calm down somewhere else... - She started to say hesitant.

- Hey, fine, no problem. -He said putting his hand in hers, that was on her lap, comforting her and she shook her head, seeing him to remove, putting back on the steering wheel. She wanted him to keep his hand there, but obviously she stay quiet, leaning her head against the window, trying to calm down.

After a few minutes they reached his building, where Tom parked and helped her to go out of the car. Y/n followed him to the front door and they took the elevator. She was still silent the whole time and he didn't want to say anything either, just glanced at her time to time, maybe checking her if she was okay and looking away afterwards.

They arrived at Tom's apartment and Y/n looked around. It was small but cozy. There was a living room with a small kitchen and a hallway leading to another door that appeared to be his bedroom.

- How about you stay in my room and I give you some clothes to make you more comfortable? -He said putting his hand on her back guiding her while she nodded.

They entered the room and Y/n sat on the edge of the bed. As Tom opened his closet, taking off his shoes and choosing a comfortable T-shirt and pants for her to wear. He approached her again putting the clothes beside her.

- Well, you can make yourself comfortable ok? I'll let you... - he start to said.

- Tom. - Y/n interrupted him. - Please stay here. - She said feeling her heart start beating fast and her breathing quicken. She thought back to the horrible comments and the crowd that had surrounded her. Maybe now pictures of her were all over the internet and it made her anxious again. She closed her eyes feeling tears wanting to flow. She opened them again and the tears finally spilled out, rolling down her cheeks.

- Hey, hey darling. It’s alright, I'm here. -he said getting down in front of her, putting a hand on her cheek wiping away some tears.

- Sorry, I just... That's ridiculous, sorry...

- Shh... - he said calming her and looking at her. - It's not ridiculous ok? You don't need to apologize for anything. -He said caressing her cheek.

- It's just... I keep thinking about those horrible comments and how my picture must be all over the place. - Y/n said wiping some tears that insisted on falling.

- Darling... You don't need to think about it, okay? Those people who said that are terrible, I don't want you to think about anything now how about that? - he said and Y/N looked at him.

- I wish I could turn off those thoughts. -she said sniffling a little, averting her eyes and Tom stroked her leg slowly comforting her. For a moment she felt her body shiver, but it was because Tom was touching her and not because of her crisis. He stopped pulling his hand away and Y/n looked at him. - Tom... Can you continue?

- What do you mean? - he asked confused looking into her eyes.

- Touching me... I mean, you were doing a good job distracting me. - She said smiling slightly and he smiled back.

- Sure…- he said getting down on his knees and taking her calf slowly and kissing her lightly, not taking his eyes off hers at any time. Y/n wanted to close her eyes, but at the same time wanted to look at him, so she decided to keep them open.

Tom took off his sandals slowly, and was kissing from her calf to her thigh, stroking lightly with his hand that held her, and she felt shivers down her spine. . He reached her inner thigh and took a small bite causing her to sigh and bite her lip in response. He lifted his head to look at her and smiled. Y/n not resisting, bent down kissing him with desire. He placed one of his hand on her face kissing her back while his other hand still rested on her thigh squeezing.

She kept kissing him until she felt she needed of air and they parted, out of breath. Tom touched his nose to hers lightly and Y/n closed his eyes feeling him.

- Tom... I want to feel you... - she said approaching her mouth again. - Make love with me? - she asked quietly and she could feel him smile against her mouth.

-Whatever you want sweetheart... - he said and stood up suddenly with hush, bringing her along  by her legs, making her gasp in surprise, putting her down on the bed and lying on top of her afterwards.

He went back to kiss her, exploring her mouth eagerly and she placed her hand on the back of her neck, pulling his hair. He paced his hands over her body and she hurriedly took his shirt off, running hers over his defined bare chest.

- I didn't tell you this before, but you look wonderful in that dress, teased me all night, but I confess I'd rather see you without... - He bit down lightly below her ear making her moan low, he raised the hem of her dress, stepping away and helping her get it off and throwing it aside.

Now he was kissing her collarbone, lowering the kisses to her breasts making her arch her back a little wanting to get even closer to his mouth. When she reliase he had removed her bra and smirked looking at her.

- I have to be honest...I missed that image. - he said and Y/n almost hid by the way he looked at her, it was like she was a sculpture, it was a look of admiration and desire. A look that made her forget the world.

He kissed her breasts and positioned himself between her legs, meanwhile taking off his pants, along with his boxers, while still paying attention to each of her nipples, sucking them making her moan low. He returned his kisses to her lips again kissing her more slowly this time, moving his hand to her panties and running his fingers slowly through the fabric, setting aside and feeling how pathetically wet she was for him. Y/n moaned against his lips again and he groaned pulling back a little.

-I love how you're always ready for me darling...-he said making his lips touch hers lightly and she could only moan in response as he made slow circles on her clit.

- Tom... - she said weakly and he smiled seeing how she was vulnerable for him. - Please, I need you inside me, now... - Y/n managed to said between moans, arching her waist against his hand.

- So demanding and desperate love ... - he said taking his hand of her making her protest with the lack of contact. - But I have to confess that you get even hotter that way. - He said stretching to get a condom in the drawer on the side of the bed and opened the package adjusting on his member right after. Y/n ran her hands on his arms, meanwhile, just admiring his body and how lucky she was. He looked back at her and smiled seeing that she was admired him with concentration. - Still with me darling?

She looked him in the eye again and nodded, kissing his neck then making him bite his lip. Tom took his cock closing his eyes and penetrated her slowly, so that she got used to his size. When he was fully inside her he turned to look at her closely and stroked her cheek lightly as if asking permission to move, which she readily agreed.

He started to move slowly, making her feel every piece of him by wich thrust he was doing, until he picked up a fast pace that made her moan with pleasure gripping his shoulders tightly and even scratchin him a little. He made her feel like she was flying and he penetrated her so deliciously it felt like a dream.

Tom took one of her legs and wrapped it around his waist, making him penetrate her even deeper, which made her almost combust. He was silent the entire time, as well as her, what could be heard were just the moans of the two that echoed through the room.

After what seemed like an eternity. Tom slowed his pace a little. Putting one of his hands on the side of Y/n's head, squeezing the sheet and the other on her leg, squeezing it willingly.

- Fuck Darling... I’m gonna come... - he said breathlessly lost in his pleasure.

- Tom... - Y/n could only said and he took his hand from her leg going to her clit again stimulating it with his fingers and increasing his pace again, until the two reached the orgasm together between moans and low breathless curses.

Tom placed a few kisses on Y/n's neck returning to his senses and Y/n closed her eyes just feeling his touch. He then got off her and lay beside her looking at the ceiling. Catching his breath. After cleaning themselves in silence, the two returned to bed lying side by side.

- You ok? he asked finally breaking the silence looking at her.

-More than ok...- Y/n said lying on his side towards him. -I'm just tired...-she said lazily starting to close her eyes and the last thing she felt before falling asleep was Tom kissing her forehead.

taglist: @usuck​ @petesrparker​

[giulsherondale]

"I will never give up on her."

Serkan is really changing and for the first time fighting for the one he loves the most. I'm so proud of him.

Serkan telling Engin that this is the last day of Eda at the office so he has to find an excuse because Serkan needs to spend the most time possible with her. This gave me episode 11 vibes✨

Serkan didn't listen a word during the meeting because he was so afraid that Eda would leave him again. My poor babe is so in love that he doesn't know how to handle it.

"Eda is more important to me now."

The proof that Serkan is changing pt. 2.

Eda takes out the meter to misure that Serkan is at least one meter from her. This was so funny. And he ask her if she feels safe now that she knows that there is one meter of distance.

Serkan asking Leyla if she can put the ring in Eda's pocket. I think that the ring represents Serkan's hope in the relationship. I love Serkan and Leyla relationship, he's the only one to notice the ring on her finger, and when she tells him that she's engaged to Erdem (the one that he doesn't love😂) he's worried about her, his face say oh come on you can have someone better than him. He even tells her that they would talk about this engagement. He cares so much about Leyla.

Serkan wants to open a case against the paparazzi not because of his imagine or reputation, but because this upset Eda and made her faint, because is so worried about her. And he ask Ceren not to tell Eda because he doesn't want that she thinks that he's interfering in her life. The proof that Serkan is changing pt. 3

"What do I need to do to make you stay?"

"Nothing."

"Say whatever you want. What can I do to make you stay?"

"Serkan, you're so unbalanced towards me that I no longer know what to think."

"Don't go away... Don't go away."

"Serkan..."

"Didn't you tell me to say 'don't go' if I didn't want you to go... So now I'm telling you not to go away."

"Why? To get even more disappointed?"

"There will be no more disappointments. I promise you."

"Look... Every time I believe you, every time... Breaking the promise that I made to myself. But this time I won't. This time I gave my word to my aunt, I will stay away from you. And I will keep my word."

Episode 11 vibes in this scene. I get why Eda behave like that, I would have done the same, but I feel so sorry for Serkan. When he finally has the courage to say 'don't go' Eda doesn't believe him anymore.

The whole scene when Serkan see the photographer and Eda talk his jealously is over the moon. He even ask to Engin to say something just to be near them so he can hear what are they saying. And when Engin told him that he wants to marry Piril and have 7-8 babies Serkan says that he approves, like an old brother. Their friendship is so special.

Serkan showing up at the photoshoot... Oh God he's so jealous. I love the fact that Serkan has still and effect on Eda and he knows it. She more than once ask him not to look at her.

"The woman you called an angel, Eda... Is my girlfriend. We're not just dating, we are a couple. She is the woman of my life. And I'm everything in her life. So no hamburgers. You understood me. Cancel. Now."

His smug and proud face make me laugh so much. He's so jealous.

"How can you still call us engaged?"

"Yes, it might not be real, but..."

"But?"

"We fell in love with each other. Now will you give up our love?"

"And then deception, disappointment, lies..."

"I only deceived you only once, and in order not to upset you."

"But it doesn't work that way. You can't destroy a relationship and then stick it together."

"You're right. There's only one important thing..."

"Which one?"

"You. Eda, everything can work out. Everything. Let me settle this."

"What are you still talking about? What are you talking about after last night? You made me wait for you for hours, do you know?"

"What?"

"I shouldn't have said. I said again. Because I'm stupid. Stupid!"

"Eda, what's going on?"

"Don't bother anymore. Please don't bother. All mine feelings to you... It's over."

"Eda. I was waiting for you all night yesterday at that restaurant."

"You were definitely waiting."

"I waited."

"I was waiting for you there, Serkan."

"It's impossible I was there."

"I was there, you didn't come."

"Eda are you kidding me? Which restaurant did you go? Maybe you went to the wrong place?"

"Restaurant in the Levent area, I went there."

"What?"

"Not the one?"

"No."

"Not the one?"

"You went somewhere else. Was it written in the envelope?"

"Yes."

"Good, so someone changed the envelope."

"Who would replace it?"

"There is someone on my mind but... Wait a minute you went at the restaurant. So to give me a chance?"

"Not in terms of love relationship. That's what you said."

"Yes. I told you to help me become a better person."

"Serkan, I really don't know what to think..."

"Do not think. Do not think. Feel. I know that you feel the same as me. Therefore, do not think. Be by my side. How would you go to the end, so let's go. As you want. Just be there. What do you say?"

I don't think that this scene need an explanation, it speaks for itself.

"Eda is in the kitchen, I think. It's time for me to drink some water."

Eda worried about Serkan, because he followed the man that Sayfi hired and never came back. And he's so satisfied because she still worries about him. And the way they look at each other🔥

The engagement misunderstanding was so hilarious. I laughed so hard during the whole scene. And the photos... Awww beautiful.

"Good night Eda Yildiz."

"Good night Serkan Bolat."

Yesssss they're back at it. I missed this 'coded message' between them. And he's going to pick her up the next morning. I'm so in love with the old Eda and Serkan.

"I missed it. This place. Through this beautiful air, through the trees."

Of course Serkan... You missed the place... Of course. He really needs to learn how to lie, he's not believable.

The final scene... Oh God it was perfect. The fact that he didn't want to go to the restaurant because Eda's claustrophobia. I love that he didn't force her to try to get in the elevator. But when she's willing to try he's immediately at her side to help her. I loved that he push all the buttons so if she couldn't do it they could get out. And the way Serkan calmed her down. It was beautiful and perfect. And the kiss... WE FINALLY HAVE A KISS... I'm so happy. The kiss gave me Teen Wolf vibes, when Lydia kissed Stiles to calm him down because he was having a panic attack. It was really beautiful.

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Sixteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Fifteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Seventeen

Luke pov.

“Do it again.” Ashton asks, staring at me intently.

We were about to leave my house for my surprise party, which I discovered in less than an hour. I was rehearsing a face of surprise so as not to end the surprise, cause I know everyone worked hard for it.

I widen my eyes, breaking into a smile.

“I can't believe you deceived me.” I say with my voice altered by the ‘surprise’.

“Don't say that, it will be very obvious that you know. Says ‘I can't believe you threw a party for me’.” he suggests.

"I can't believe you threw a party for me." I redo the entire acting.

“Yep! Me either. But what doesn't M&Ms ask, that I don't do?” Ash dries the water bottle with a shrug. “I'm just kidding.” he laughs after seeing my face.

“Speaking of her…” I fill my glass with some more wine, since it's too early for us to go. “Something new?” Ashton denies, frustrated too.

“I commented that she was acting weird, but she just changed the conversation and said that she's been busy and that she was nervous about the party.” he sighs. I massage my forehead, annoyed.

"Am I going to have to put her against the wall to get something?" I look at him, not knowing what to do.

“You know this isn't going to work. She's going to run away, you're going to fight, she's going to walk away and you're going to be more annoying than you already are.” I appreciate my friend's attempt to change the mood with provocation, but it has no effect.

"I can't find any reason to give me any sign of what's going on. Was it my fault? I knew I shouldn't have stayed with her that Saturday, I pushed the situation too hard and now she's pulling away, avoiding me-”

“Oh shut up! Don't even start with that.” Irwin raises his voice, cutting mine off. "Marnie isn't like that, she doesn’t do these things. If she wasn't comfortable she was going to talk. You said yourself that she asked you to sleep there. She let you pick her up on Monday and asked you to take her home, even after you dedicated Best Years to her. She didn't run away there, because it was remarkable how much she liked the song. You should pay more attention to the way she looks at you.”

A silly laugh escapes my lips when I see Ashton imitate her looking at me and smiling. My heart warms at the possibility that she is actually falling in love with me, just as I already am with her.

"Luke, if she didn't want to get back together, she wouldn't open up so many gaps and opportunities for you to be together. She must just be confused about the feelings. That's how it looked for the first time. Look, let's analyze her behavior today, after all the stress of the party and then we get stressed.”

I agree with my friend. I'm freaking out over something that shouldn't be very important. Maybe it's all the pressure with finishing the album. The release date is approaching and sure enough, Jim freaking out in my ear for the publicity trip we were supposed to be doing, but we're still going against it due to Marnie's accident.

I don't know how many times I have to tell him I'm not leaving LA yet. This delay wasn't hindering anything, so I don't know why he makes such a point.

“Go, get rid of that dead face and let's enjoy your party.” Ash slaps my shoulder.

We left the house, heading to Jack's house, where the party would be. I've been training my face the entire way, wanting it to be as realistic as possible, even though everyone already suspects that I know.

Even if I didn't know it, the moment I see the street full of cars, I realize that I would find out there. Irwin tells them we're coming and I notice the noise of the music fade away. Discreet.

We entered the house, finding everything quiet and tidy. But when we turn to the kitchen and garden, a lot of people scream in surprise. I take a step back, like I'm really shocked.

"I can't believe you did that." I look at Ash, wanting to see that I did well. But his expression ‘so so’ disappoints me.

“In the car it was better.” he says before walking away and letting people get closer.

I don't know how many people I hugged, but I know the only one I wanted to see was the last one to arrive. I hold my breath, seeing her in a black leather skirt and a transparent black blouse, highlighting her tattoo between her breasts.

I swallow hard, cracking a nervous smile as she approaches with a huge grin, almost jumping into my lap. Unlike yesterday, where I just got a congratulations message, M&Ms hug me, leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek.

“Happy Birthday!” the gleam in her eyes proves to me she's already a little high.

I resist the urge to steal a kiss from her lips, just kissing her cheek back but giving her waist a squeeze, pressing her against my body. She seems to notice my intent, drastically changing her breathing.

"I wanted to talk to you later. If possible.” I say against her ear.

“About?” her eyes sweep me for any clues.

“Surprise.” I reveal, seeing her roll her eyes in agreement.

I watch her walk away with the girls, but she doesn't fully break eye contact with me, looking at me from afar. I let out a breath, realizing it's going to be a long night and another long battle to resist her and the urge to take her to a dark corner.

In the kitchen, where most of the drinks are, I start my work, drinking the alcohol, enjoying the burning sensation that the liquid leaves in my throat. I get distracted with video game conversation and allow my mind to relax with lighter, more relaxed topics.

The party had been going on for a few hours. My head is already light, due to the high alcohol content my body retains. I know I'm laughing at some bullshit Brian is talking about, even though his words don't make any sense in my mind. Maybe I've already had too much to drink and it's better to stop for a while. I don't want to be sick at my own party.

The term vibrates in my mind and I start searching the crowd for the cotton candy hair, worried about her condition. The feeling pulls my head out of the air, sobering me up for a few minutes.

I find her dancing hand in hand with Noah, laughing at the older man's exaggerated steps. I stare at the scene, happy that she is enjoying herself. Unlike at the beginning of the week, Marnie is now upbeat and not acting. Maybe Irwin is right and she was just stressed about the birthday party.

I push my thoughts away, concentrating on yet another beer pong game. I've played more times than I could count and I'm starting to doubt the two arms Jack has won since my last drink.

“Problems.” Michael sings beside me, pointing to the door. Pam walked in smiling excitedly, holding hands with a guy who sure as hell didn't want to be there. It's not possible…

Sobriety hits me like a cannon. All the alcohol and smoke that was in my body is gone and I am able to think clearly for the first time since I arrived.

I massage my forehead, bringing my gaze to Marnie, who's already staring at Pam without a specific expression. I cross the room with incredible ease, reaching for her, hugging her waist, pulling her to me.

“We can talk now?” Marnie didn't even seem to hear me, still staring at Pam, who was greeting some people. "M&Ms?" I call closer to her ear, but no effect. “Hey!” I drop a kiss to her temple, squeezing her waist.

Her green eyes cross mine and I can palpate the insecurity in them. Marnie just nodded, letting me lead her out of the room. We went up to a room, being alone. I look at her face, still half lost, and I approach slowly, feeling that little box weigh tons in my pocket.

“What do you want to talk about?” she gives a slight smile, turning her full attention to me.

“First I wanted to apologize for Pam. I didn't know what she was going to come.” Marnie rolls her eyes, shrugging.

“It’s OK! No need to apologize. My head is so full I don't even care about her anymore.” she sits up in bed, crossing her legs.

“And I believe she won't even mind us today, after all, she came with someone” I sat beside her.

“Yeah! Poor guy.” I let out a laugh at her pity for the poor boy. “It was just that?”

I lose myself in her eyes for a few seconds, wondering if that's all. I draw her face in my mind once more, recording every feature I fell in love with. My lips tingle as I landed my eyes on her mouth, slightly reddened by the drink.

At another time, right now she and I would be locked in some bathroom or bedroom, succumbing to desire and the alcohol in our blood. My fingertips ache amidst the memories of all the times I have run across her skin, feeling it burn under my touch.

My mind starts to cloud and the flashes of the two of us become more and more vivid. I try to push those thoughts away, but they seem to sink into my mind with force. My body heats up with every scene my mind plays. I feel the blood running the wrong way and I don't know how to stop it.

"Luke?" I'm startled by your touch on my hand. Marnie was looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Are you okay?” I watch her hand squeeze mine, like she always did when I was angry or upset.

And just with that touch, everything stops inside me. The fire is gone and now I'm seized by a gigantic pain and rage in my chest, a rage for her being ripped from me so abruptly. I stare at her fingers moving gently, transmitting a caress throughout my body.

"Luke?" now she was looking at me extremely worried.

“Sorry. I think the drink hit.” I open a smile, trying to calm her down. M&Ms don't seem to buy much, but she smiles smugly.

“I already told you you're drinking a lot. In a little while you'll be passed out and won't even enjoy your own birthday party.” my smile widens in the midst of her care. "Don't give me that smile." she pushes my face away. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

“No!” this time I answer faster. “Actually, I wanted to give you something.” I fish the little white box in my pocket, feeling my fingers as soft as jelly. What if she doesn't like it? What if she gets angry?

“You know it's your birthday, right? You're the one who should get presents, not give. Especially for me.” she looks at me angrily, not wanting to accept the box.

"Well, it's my birthday and I'll do what I want, in which case I give it to you." I place the object in her hands. “I wanted to wait until your birthday, but it's still far away and I can't take it.” I lift my shoulders quickly, making her laugh.

Taking advantage of the fact that she was involved with the present, slowly, I move closer to her body, contenting myself with the least contact we have. I notice Marnie hold her breath at the sight of the blue quartz necklace, just like the one she had.

With no more reaction than that, I start to convince myself that I've fucked up and she hated it. It wasn't the time yet, as much as everything was going well, it wasn't the time yet.

“I can't believe you did this.” her voice comes out in a breath in surprise. I let my mind race to our first Christmas, where she gave me my necklace and I gave that star to her.

“If you don't like it…” my voice trails off as I see her eyes watery and filled with joy. It was the right time.

I'm not afraid to advance towards her, covering your lips with mine in a short kiss. The cherry taste becomes my favorite for the rest of the night. Marnie wipes her tears as she calls herself pathetic for crying.

"I know we used it as a dating ring, but it doesn't have to be-”

"Could you put it on for me?" she interrupts me, not caring about my fear. With my hands still trembling and cold, I close the necklace around her neck, enjoying the scene of her smiling enchanted by that stone. “Thanks!”

This time it is she who steps forward, stealing a kiss. The mood changes drastically. The screams outside seem to die in my ears, leaving only silence. The music that used to burst had ceased to exist.

That little kiss breaks, but she doesn't pull away, keeping her forehead still glued to mine. I'm startled when her eyes return to mine, I can see her perfectly there, in front of me, in my arms. I recognize that glow, that look and what it wanted to convey.

It was her there. The reason I get up every morning. The reason that makes me want to be better and better. The person I always want to impress. My girl. My Marnie.

I bring my hand to the back of her neck, bringing our lips together once more. I feel goose bumps as our tongues touch and her hand cups my face, holding me there. If she knew the last thing I want is to run away…

I'm surprised I feel despair on her side. The urgency on her lips. The need for the touch of her hands, the way they ran through my hair, the back of my neck and chest.

Easily, I pull her onto my lap, moaning, feeling her body against mine after so long. The fire that had previously ceased inside me, runs again through my veins, making everything too cloudy. I can't reason whether this was right or not. We both drink too much. She still hasn't given me full openness to so much attitude, even though she's still here, kissing me.

I try for a few minutes to clear my mind, to be a little rational and not get carried away by emotion, but the sound her mouth makes when I touch her neck with my lips ruins whatever train of thought I was building.

I touch the exact spots that make her moan and scramble for more friction. I watch thirstily as her eyes roll back and her lip is bitten in an attempt to control the moans. Her nails scratch the back of my neck, releasing an electric current that migrates between my legs.

I gasp when I feel her rub against my groin, spreading a current throughout my body. I want to beg her to do it again, but it's not really necessary, she knows and she does. So excruciating, but so good. Again I am startled to find that glow that I knew so much. I wonder where this Marnie was all along.

I shove my hand inside her shirt, enjoying her burning skin. I stroke the spot below her bra with my thumb, wanting not to frighten her. I suck the skin under her ear, lapping it with my tongue. My body combusts as she stirs and presses her crotch harder against mine. I cup her breast with enjoyment, hearing her call my name the way I liked it best.

Her desperate hands run inside my jacket, wanting to throw it away. I was ready to help when a heavy knock on the door disrupts our moment.

"What the fuck is it?" anger rips up my throat, causing a very angry scream. So much time to interrupt.

"It's time to cut the cake." I hear Calum's voice and feel like throwing him from the second floor.

“Serious? Stick the cake in your-” two small hands cover my mouth, preventing me from continuing.

“We're on our way, Cal.” Marnie yells louder and breathless.

I watch your body soften, lost and, I fear, even regretful. She is no longer there. She avoids looking at me, perhaps out of shame.

“It was better this way.” her sweet voice comes closer to a whisper.

“Was?” I stare at her, not wanting to accept that I was the only one to feel it. I know I wasn't, because her expression tells me I'm right.

“Was! You know it was.” her tone is still sweet, but her gaze is hard. "I think we'd better go downstairs." she gets up carefully, getting out of bed. I throw my head against my hands, visibly frustrated.

"Go ahead, I need to get both heads in place." I throw my body against the mattress.

“Sorry, Luke.” I can't stand her feeling guilty when she's the biggest victim of all this.

"M&Ms?" I leap out of bed, grabbing her before disappearing through the door. “It's not your fault. I'm the one who lost control, I'm sorry. You didn't give me the opening to attack you like that and I let myself go…” her lips silence me.

“It wasn't anyone's fault, can we do that?” I nod, stealing the last kiss before I let her go. "I'll wait for you downstairs." she announce.

I turn around, heading back to bed, still feeling frustration coursing through my veins.

“Hey!” I turn to see her there, standing in the doorway. My chest races with yearning from the many times I've seen her do the same scene. My ears and heart ache wanting to hear those words that always came next. Those three words that were so beautiful in her mouth. “Thanks for this.” she smiles and leaves.

I stare at the wood, snapping back to reality. I'm such an idiot for thinking she was going to say she loves me. I hide my face, exhausted. I look across the bed, able to see the two of us there, so given to each other.

I replay the scene in my head, tasting her kiss on my lips. Feeling my body tingle, still wanting her touch. The pressure on my pants becomes bigger and more uncomfortable. I need to make this go away. I scramble my mind for many things to calm myself down, but I can't. I can still feel her hands running around the back of my neck and her groin against mine.

"Shit!" I give up, going to the bathroom and locking myself in there. I don't care if I'm late, or what they think. I won't be able to eliminate this with thoughts alone.

I lower my pants and underwear, releasing my already throbbing member. I run my hand over it, making my body vibrate in relief. I let my mind flood with all thoughts and memories with her, feeling my body inflate further.

I increase my speed, being able to feel her touch through my body. I punch the wall, feeling my stomach contract. I rest my forehead against the cool coating, letting out several sighs. Her eyes flash in my mind.

The many times I've seen her face twist in pure orgasm under my touch. That smirk and that vulgar glow she always lets off before pulling me aside. And I always did, like a puppy.

My breathing gets out of control as I reach my orgasm. A wave of relief and lightness overcomes me, along with a wave of guilt. It must have been the 15th time since it all happened.

I can't have her. I can't stand the idea of ​​looking for someone else, even though we are not officially together, so I have to get by with baths and my bare hands, but as a result I feel like the dirtiest human being, as she doesn't even suspect.

I walk down the stairs, not attracting any attention. I find her sitting on the couch, on Leah's lap, laughing at some imitation Ashton was doing. I approach the group, who make no fuss about my delay.

I pick up the bottle of white wine on the coffee table, flipping half the contents. I feel her green eyes burn on me and I don't even have the courage to reciprocate by ignoring her.

“Is everything OK? Sorry if I messed something up.” Hood says next.

“It's OK! In fact, it was better, if you didn't show up, we would have done something stupid.” I say dry.

"Is that why this sour face?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I'm feeling awful for almost bringing her to this and not having the conscience to stop." I reveal a part of the guilt that burns in me.

“Luke, you are not complete strangers. And maybe she really wanted to go further, she just didn't know how. After all, at that moment she was supposed to be your f-”

"I know!" I cut it off, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence.

For my salvation, someone starts to sing happy birthday and the matter is closed. I open a smile disguising the shit my head was on. Michael puts a little purple hat on my head, blowing a plastic horn, very excited.

The scene makes me laugh, relieving the stress. I watch Leah and Kyleen swing colorful pom poms behind Marnie, who is holding a small cake with several candles.

I look deep into her eyes, noticing her happiness to be there and somehow mine too. After all, she's here, even if she doesn't remember much, she's still here. The accident could have been a lot worse and I could have lost her forever.

I push the damn thoughts away, blowing out the candles and driving everyone crazy. I'm surprised when Marnie leans in, stealing a kiss, not caring that she's in front of everyone. Her rosy cheeks manage to steal a smile far bigger than Michael did.

In the back of the room, I notice Pam with her arms crossed and sulking. I don't know if Marnie did it on purpose, intent on teasing, but something she did, and if Pam is pissed off, we're happy.

The clock was already showing around 5:00 in the morning. I've already fluctuated my alcohol level more times than I can count. While the boys filled me with rum, M&Ms filled me with water and food, afraid I would go into an alcoholic coma or whatever. Of course I took advantage of her concern and all the attention she was giving me.

At some point during the party, Michael took over the DJ's table and there we were, jumping up behind him, singing I Want It That Way at the top of our lungs, with the lost girls trying to do the choreography. That was definitely the best thing about the party, right after my moment with Marnie in the bedroom.

Right after his moment commanding the party's playlist, Clifford decided to climb on the roof to jump into the pool. Something that was already taking a while to happen. What he and no one expected was Marnie yelling at him, worried.

“It's comical, because if it weren't for the amnesia and the lack of alcohol, she would be the one on the roof.” Irwin comments lying beside me, watching the scene of her yelling at Michael, asking him to come down.

“And we called the fire department because she got stuck again.” I shake my head, wanting not to laugh at the memories. “Good times.” I'm toasting my friend, still watching her worriedly behind the older one.

Sitting in the garden, talking to some friends, I watch the girl laughing in a circle with Noah and Calum. She gets up, walking into the house, returning in a few minutes. I watch her come around, stopping behind me.

“Now the one who needs to talk is me.” she whispers in my ear. I don't think twice about taking your hand and heading out of the wheel chat.

I can see a large package in her hands and the idea of ​​being my gift makes me anxious. A little farther away from the mess that remained, she hands me the black box with a gold bow on top. Before opening it, I take a look at her excited smile, letting out a laugh.

I find five rings and three necklaces arranged around the box. I can't hold back the smile, seeing what she's chosen. I know I might look like an idiot for some jewelry, but it's amazing jewelry she picked out.

“You liked?” she bites her lower lip, curious.

“I loved!” I hug your body, thanking her. I know she has no intentions other than to give me a birthday present, but of course I will wear these rings and necklaces with more affection than usual. “Thanks.” I mean, still ecstatic.

Hand in hand, we approached the crowd again, bumping into Kiki, Sophie and Michael.

“We were thinking about going to Michael's house. The party is already boring and I'm hungry.” Kiki comments. I look a little offended at her, after all, that was my birthday party. “Oh! Nothing personal.” she laughs, slapping me on the shoulder.

“What do you think?” I ask the M&Ms, who shrug their shoulders. "Have you talked to the rest?"

“Leah was going to call Noah and Ash, we were going to rescue Calum.”

“OK! We'll get our stuff and meet you at the door.” Marnie agrees and so we disperse.

Still holding hands, we walked back upstairs, looking for her bag. In the kitchen, I grab a bottle of vodka, a tequila, and a whiskey, trying to put everything in my bag, but it doesn't quite work.

“We should take advantage of the gathering and have your liver funeral.” I turn to Marnie who glares at me, seeing three bottles in my arm and me struggling to open one of beer.

Easily, we made our way to the front door, finding Kiki and Sophie. Gradually, everyone arrived and so we left the party, without saying goodbye to anyone.

“Uh, tequila?” Hood comes towards me, hugging the bottle.

Michael's house was the closest and, having drunk too much, we thought we'd better walk.

On the way, we stopped at a bakery, buying a bunch of things to eat. The day was already showing signs of life when we arrived at Mike's house. At the dinner table, we spread out the stolen drinks and food, starting our round table, as well as picking up several board games that Michael kept.

“I wanted to propose a toast to Mr. Luke Hemmings.” Noah draws the toast, making everyone raise their glasses and bottles. “One of the few people worth meeting in this hellish city where you can't trust anyone. The other people are unfortunately not present…”

A shower of paper balls and food flies towards the 20 minutes older twin. I'm surprised when I watch Marnie leave my arms, standing up.

“I also wanted to give a speech.”

“You didn't have to, babe.” I say, shaking her hand that still had our fingers intertwined.

“It's not about you.” she sticks out her tongue, causing everyone to scream.

“Ouch!” I put my hand to my chest, accepting the blow and still feeling my heart race.

“Shut up.” she screams, laughing. “Well, I wanted to make this toast in thanks to all of you. I know it's been three years of friendship, but for me it's only been a month and even with all the confusion and breakup.” her fingers squeeze mine and I move them, giving them a light caress. “You still took me in and took great care of me. I am eternally grateful for that. Leah doesn't even start crying, I need to get this over with and if I cry it's going to go wrong.” the mood breaks a little with the laughter. “Bottom line, I just want to say that whatever the future holds, I like you all a lot and that this isn't just a bunch of crazy friendship the universe threw at me, it's the family I've been looking for. As Noah said, you're the few people worth living in this hell of a city and I love you all so much. Cheers!”

Everyone raises their glasses once more, toasting her speech. I cross my gaze with Leah, who has also noticed something odd. She still hadn't commented on Monday's episode and I still had it hanging around in my mind.

It was very visible that something was troubling her. Her eyes wandering lost, her disappearance since Monday until today, claiming to be super busy and out of time. Everyone was sensing that something was wrong, but she wouldn't let go or comment on it.

“Especially you.” I focus my attention on her, who settles back into my arms. “Regardless of our future, I like you very much.” she whispers, before pressing her lips to mine. “Please never forget that. Promise?”

I get lost in her eyes, noticing a hint of fear and pain in them. It's horrible to see her like this and not know what to do. For nothing in this world I want her to feel unprotected or alone, she said herself that we are a family, so she wouldn't have to face anything alone.

“Only if you promise me you'll tell me what's going on.” I play hard, not caring if this becomes an issue between us, or if it pushes her away a little.

“Luke…” my name comes out in a painful sigh.

"Marnie." I say her name harshly, wanting her to understand that I won't change my mind.

“I'll tell. Just not today. Today is your day and that's what matters to me. So please let's enjoy?” she begs. As always, I surrender, nodding. I drop a kiss to her forehead, before pulling her to my chest again.

Hastings still looks at me suspiciously and unfortunately I only have reason to agree with her. Something was up with Marnie and she didn't want to tell us.

A minute of silence, our baby is turning 25 today and I am not knowing how to handle it.

[idkbecks]

what's your stance on everyone asking them to postpone the upcoming tour dates

Glad you asked. I think if they don't postpone, it'll literally be the first time I've ever been disappointed in them.

In NY, we are preparing for a total lockdown essentially. Travel is meant to be impossible and there's going to be bans across the entire state. Meaning only essential travel. That happens when so much snow is coming that the roads cannot be salted or plowed effectively because there's just so much. That's not all that uncommon in NY and every time it happens, people go out and die. The beginning of January this year there was a storm, people died in their cars on the interstate because they couldn't get out. We are meant to be getting more snow now than we did then. That being said, fuck those concerts, I'm not risking my life for them when there's meant to be a blizzard across the entire state, including multiple places that iDKHOW is playing.

The show in Detroit tonight, it's expected that there's going to be almost 2 feet of snow. Oh yeah, all on top of ice, too. Meaning the roads will be ridiculously difficult, if not impossible, to navigate. According to everything I've seen, all schools and businesses are shut down in the area. That's what people are planning for in NY too. Basically, I don't see a single valid reason to have these shows be happening on the days they're scheduled.

Somebody on Twitter was saying that they probably "can't" cancel or reschedule shows short notice. They most definitely can. They've had two opening bands unexpectedly drop out. They even had to cancel a show before, in Michigan, of all places, the day of. It's shocking to me that they haven't already said anything about it. People could literally die getting there. There's not a good reason to have that show happening. There's not a good reason for any of the NY shows to happen either.

Basically, in my eyes, if they don't postpone or cancel, which is what every business and school is doing, I'll be confused because that's shitty of them. If they don't even make a statement about it, I'll be angry because that's shitty too. Like straight up MAD. All the tweets to them are about this. People are scared. I've seen many, many, many people say they aren't going. So it would truly be in everybody's favor to reschedule the shows.

I'm really hoping they say something soon. Some people were saying they planned on waiting outside the venue, despite iDKHOW's warning and despite the dangerous weather. Those are probably kids/young people. iDKHOW has to know that people will still do that, especially kids/young people.

I don't know. It makes me uncomfortable feeling negatively towards iDKHOW but I kind of do, right now. This weather and this storm and this amount of snow and wind and low temperatures, it's a big deal where I live. Everything shuts down. I don't see a single reason why they shouldn't treat it seriously. If they keep those dates, it honestly seems disrespectful to the fans, and reckless to themselves. It's not something to play around with. I was hoping they'd be more proactive than this. But I don't know. I'll try to be positive and hope that they say something soon, I guess.

[zoffra]

Why Hisoka decided to kill the troupe ?

Analysis in two parts:

1- Hisoka's pre-fight personality

2- Hisoka's post fight psychological change

Part 1 -

Let us make a point on Hisoka's character.

Hisoka's a character who takes pleasure in fighting strong opponents, it's his reason for living, it's like a drug in the proper sense of the term. If he doesn't fight for a long time, or if he's about to fight and - for whatever reason - the fight doesn't start, he'll kill anyone to satisfy his need and calm his excitement. This happens, for example, during hunter exam after meeting Kurapika and Leorio (= satisfying his need), or after Illumi's meeting with Killua and Alluka (= calming his excitement).

Other than that, he carefully chooses his opponents and will even refuse fights if he judges that the person isn't worth it.

Hisoka's incredibly patient. In order to fight Chrollo, he'll put in a lot of effort. He joins the spiders - which already isn't an easy task - and waits for three years that an opportunity presents itself, so that he finds himself alone with the leader and can fight him. The other members don't interest him - except maybe Machi to a much lesser extent.

After Chrollo lost his Nen, Hisoka assists the troupe in search for the exorcist. Shizuku assumes that Chrollo promised him a fight in exchange for his help. It's not known how long Chrollo's deprived of his Nen, whats certain is that several months go by.

Abengan's Nen works like this: he invokes a Nen beast whose shape and size varies according to the curse's power posed by his user. The stronger the curse, the longer that will takes time- and you can be sure that Kurapika's chain was far more powerful than Genthru's bomb.

Later, we learn from Gitarakuru that after recovering his Nen, Chrollo fled. During this time, he returned to Meteor city to prepare his fight and steal various capacities - in particular that of the dean, Shalnark and Kortopi. Finally, after all these waiting years, Hisoka's finally rewarded and they'll fight in a place - that Chrollo himself chooses, as floor master : Celestial tower.

I'll not describe the fight, I can only advise those who haven't read the manga to go and find out for themselves. If I could sum it up in one word, it would be 'disappointing'. But not for us, readers, for Hisoka.

Chrollo used sneaky methods, avoiding to maximum close contacts with Hisoka, while sending his puppets to fight for him, waiting for opportunities to hit him critically. Warning! This isn't a criticism, I'm not saying it's something bad, these are just the facts.

We know that Chrollo's calculating and that beyond his extraordinary physical abilities, he distinguishes himself from others by his intelligence. For me, this fight is the very reflection of his personality, calculated like music paper and orchestrated by Chrollo as master of ceremonies.

It's also a nose thumb at the relationship they've always had. Hisoka spent more time killing puppets with no interest to reach Chrollo, rather than fighting him. He finds himself in the situation where he has always been.

At the time of his 'death', Hisoka made a pact with the Nen to bring him back to life. By using condition and oath - his death being the condition to be fulfilled - he wish that his heart's functions and his lungs will be restored. And from there, the troupe will have big problems.

Part 2 -

Spiders made several mistakes. When they inspected Hisoka's body, they were negligent. When Shalnark testified to Hisoka's death by asphyxiation, no one found his hands position strange. By that I mean they're seasoned Nen users, cold-blooded killers, they know that Nen gets stronger after death.

An important detail is that you can revive a suffocation victim - it shouldn't last too long of course, but it's not as if his head was cut off. And that's exactly what Hisoka will do.

He probably used Ken to absorb the explosion, surrounded his heart and his lungs with his Gum, then practiced a cardiac massage to resuscitate himself, - I pass about after-effects that his brain would normally have undergone, which is an ease logical scenario.

Machi said one interesting thing: '[Hisoka] still paid me in advance.' This means that she was in contact with him before, and Hisoka asked her to stitch up his wounds after the fight. Machi probably understood it as 'if I win the fight, can you heal me', but for Hisoka there was probably a double meaning: healing his wounds if they were too serious so that he do himself, or if he hadn't been in fit state to do it.

Biggest mistake spiders have made has been to underestimate Hisoka.

Towards fight's end (chap 355) when a puppets horde rush towards him, Hisoka has an angry expression. Hisoka's neutral facial expression is a mischievous pout, or in fights where he has to fight seriously, he has a concentrated expression.

It's extremely rare to see him angry, and I think his change of mind manifests himself at that time. Hisoka's face takes half a page's place and is a terrifying blackness, it's an important moment. All accumulated frustration since years literally explodes during this bitter taster fight.

When he wakes up, we don't immediately notice his change of mind, but when he speaks it's clearer.

'Reality knows how to wake you up.' Hisoka realizes - if not already done - that he'll not be able to defeat Chrollo with his usual methods.

A little higher, I said the trio had underestimated Hisoka but I also think of Chrollo. During the fight he was arrogant, explaining his abilities, inviting him to flee and then, telling him that isn't to taunt him - you can't make me believe thats true.

'If you've learned your lessons from this, then next time make sure to choose your opponent and the location you fight.' Machi's words complete Hisoka's decision, it was clearly not the thing to say to him at this precise moment.

This how Hisoka's change of mind worked for me. Hisoka's an irrational person but he killed with a certain consistent logic - strong ones who deserve his attention. His death - more precisely, circumstances of the fight leding to his death - played a major role in his transformation. He's no longer undefeated and has been ridiculed, Chrollo practically whistling when he sent his puppets against him.

'No matter where they go and who they are with, I won't stop until I kill them all' It's revenge.

His actions are no longer directed by the will to fight strong adversaries, they're guided by the outright brigade eradication.

Strangely, he leaves Machi alive. Don't tell me thats because he just wants she getting her message across to the other members, there were a thousand ways to warn Chrollo and the others without leaving her alive - and considering the awkward position she was in, he could have kill her without slightest concern. - In an interview, Togashi says that he didn't want to kill her at that time because he has other plans for her.

Kortopi was visibly relieving himself when he was killed. He was a pointless opponent for Hisoka, especially considering the situation in which he found himself. This proves once again his change of mind, it's a method of murderer.

Same method when he sends Kortopi's head to Shalnark. At that moment, Shalnark grabs his friend's head - which is edifying of stupidity - to verify that it's him, and Hisoka punches him.

On several occasions, I've read some people would have liked to see a real Shalnark vs Hisoka fight. But we had it, and difference in strength is too great. At that moment, it's true that Shalnark couldn't use his Hatsu, nevertheless he could still use his Nen but he didn't even had time to defend himself with his Ten.

We don't know if Hisoka kills Shalnark in one blow, it's possible that he survived for a moment. However, this isn't what the staging seems to evoke. The fight literally takes a half page, speed with which Hisoka starts the fight and shock's power when he hits Shalnark leaves no doubt as to the fight speed end. In addition, even though Hisoka's Nen strengthened, he was seriously injured - he was able to repair his limbs in appearance, but he has no healing ability like Machi or quick regeneration like an enhancer.

The last chapter page sounds like a real turning point. We knew Hisoka was sadistic, he likes to torture his opponents psychologically (cf: Kastro fight, Goto), but we had never seen him at work physically. After his fight, he took the trouble to stage the Shalnark's and Kortopi corpses, tying Shalnark to the swing like a puppet, refering to his ability and his fight against Chrollo.

Chapter ends abruptly with a sentence / thought from Hisoka: 'There are 10 left.'

Number 10 is interesting. At that moment, members still alive are the following: Phinks, Feitan, Machi, Kalluto, Nobunaga, Shizuku, Franklin, Bonorenov and Chrollo.

That makes 9. I consider that - even if he didn't see her die - Hisoka is aware of the Pakunoda's death. He spent a lot of time with members at Greed Island and Chrollo, it's impossible that he didn't learn it.

The 10th member is therefore Illumi - reader learns of his membership in the troupe only 20 chapters later -, he was therefore recruited before Hisoka announced his vendetta against spiders.

Last point I wanted to emphasize: when Hisoka says 'there is 10 left', he includes Chrollo. This shows that he no longer puts him on a pedestal, seeing him as the head or someone important. It's simply a leg to be eliminated.

Hisoka's personality has radically changed, he has finished playing.

[strongsassysexysloane]

Physical Touch

Jack Sloane X Reader: You're craving it, it's distracting you from work and she isn't helping at all. But maybe she can help however first she has to make you work for it.

. . .

Head scratches, massaging your hair, playing with your hair, these were all things you missed so much. Sometimes being single for so long really make your mind wonder to the smaller things about being in a relationship.

Sure the sex and kissing was always a plus but the intimate touches, invading personal space and the cuddling were almost better than sex most days. Maybe you just hadn't had really good sex in a while. A long while.

You laughed at yourself and pushed those thoughts out of your head and got back to zoning in on the report you were trying to finish for the last hour. This was the third tangent your mind had taken over the last hour. It had been a long day , longer than usual because you woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. That ended with you being at work in the gym at around 04.30.

There was only one other person in there and you really shouldn't of been surprised about who it was. The one person you wouldn't mind getting head scratches from, hell you wouldn't mind having - you stopped yourself short of finishing that thought. It wasn't late enough and you were still in the office. Back to the gym, you knew she worked out before work and the NCIS gym was her go to. She was punching away at the bag too focused to notice you walk in. That gave you a moment to watch her, see her muscles work and the sweat drip slowly down her back. She was stunning and you needed to stop staring.

"y/n...Y/N!" Gibbs yelled.

You looked up at him from behind your computer, flushed from your memory. "Sorry boss. What do you need?" The memories of this morning still clouding your mind. You watched as he waved around a file so you got up and collected it before he replied or threw it at you. Flicking it open you knew exactly what he wanted, why was it always you? It's like he wanted to torture you.

Did he know what you were just thinking about?

No. Absolutely not. He would've kicked your ass if he did.

He raised a brow and you turned on the spot and headed towards Jack's office at high speed. You needed to clear your head of her in just a sports bra and low hanging track pants before you reached her office.

Was there a cold shower on the way?

There wasn't and you were already at her door and the image of her this morning hadn't budged. You knocked before entering, as her door was only ever shut if she was with someone.

It took a beat before, "Come in.." She called and there was a mumble of words before you opened the door. "Great timing! See you next w-time Sonya." She shook the older woman's hand and you made awkward eye contact with the woman from accounting as you entered and she exited, leaving the door open behind you. "Got those Dune files for me?"

"Direct from Gibbs eager fingers." You joked and handed them to her, she was sitting rather professionally on the couch which lead you to believe that last meeting was more professional than pleasure. "Was that-" You shook your head, it wasn't any of your business and she wouldn't tell you anyway.

"Smart woman." Jack smirked, not looking up from the file she had open in her lap. It took her about five seconds before she shifted and toed her heels off and crossed her legs on the couch.

"Much better." You laughed which got her attention.

" you making fun of me Agent l/n?" Her right brow was raised, her smirk daring you to play along with the devious look in her eye.

" Would I do that?" You were just out of her reach which was why she opted for throwing her pen at you instead of hitting you like she usually did when you were being a little playful shit. You caught the pen as it hit you in the middle of your chest with not too much force.

This only made you laugh harder but seeing her arm throw had your mind back in the gym again. You cleared your throat which was a mistake. " Something on your mind."

It wasn't a question, she knew there was. She probably could read you like a book right now which was why the next word out of your mouth was a huge mistake. "No." Said with so little conviction. Just like this morning when she caught you staring, more like drooling.

Jack was off her couch in an instant. She caressed your hand before taking her pen back. At least it felt like a caress, she always left lingering touches, maybe that's why you were craving them so much lately. She almost gave you enough to tease but never enough to satisfy.

Would there ever be enough to satisfy?

She was in your personal space since you didn't budge and you were both as stubborn as each other. That's probably why you were still in the friends borderlining on inappropriate office behaviour with the touches and flirtatious moments you two have on a daily basis.

You looked down at her hand, her fingers still brushing against yours. "You like to touch everyone or are you just teasing me?"

"I'm a very physical touch kind of person.." That smile that always left your stomach in knots curved her lips.

You tried so hard to to hide your disappointment, so hard.

"But..." Her fingers grazed up your wrist, probably felt your raging pulse, up your arm. "I enjoy touching you most."

You laughed at her sudden frown and scrunched up nose from how the words came out.

" That, that was meant to sound less disgusting and more.."

"Alluring? Teasing? Seductive?" You were mere centrermetres apart, her fingers wrapping around your wrist, she definitely felt your pulse now.

"All of those work." Her eyes darted down to your lips and back up to your eyes.

You swallowed watching her eyes, your tongue coming out to moisten your lips, they were suddenly dry. Her smirk, devilishly so back on her lips. "Jack..." You breathed, her eyes going soft.

"The way you say my name."

"Sloane.."

She shook her head, the soft smile playing at her lips. You had the same effect on her that she had on you, it was clear as day on her face right now. "What?"

"Kiss me or I may never get that report done downstairs."

She only moved forward slightly, teasingly so. "Something distracting you?" Her lips ghosting over yours.

You groaned and she grinned. "Only for the last year or so."

"That lo-" You couldn't wait any longer, she was practically kissing you anyway, you just added a little more pressure and crushed your lips together. As soon as you made contact with her lips she almost jumped you. Her hands grabbing your hips, crashing them together, your hands threading through her long blonde locks.

There was a pop when you pulled back, needing air and to come back to earth.

"You good at head massages?" Her hand coming up to where yours had been seconds ago. Her other hand still at your hip, her thumb drawing circles over your shirt.

"Only of you're good at back rubs?" You smiled, your fingers threading through her hair again, fingers massaging her head. She relaxed into your touch, closing her eyes.

"I'm the best at back rubs." She all but purred at your touch.

You pulled back, her eyes snapped open and you laughed at her little groan. "It's a date. My place in an hour?"

"I'll bring pizza and icecream."

"I can't believe I'm about to say this because you know how much I love our pizza and icecream nights but Jack, don't bother."

"Wow."

"You're more than enough." That got you another passionate, slow kiss with a very smooth butt squeeze which made you laugh and break the kiss.

"Get going otherwise our physical touch time will be delayed."

"Can't have that." You smirked, pecking her lips before skipping out of her office.

You finished that report in twenty minutes. Jack was in your arms in 45.

. . .

I kinda edited but not as much as I normally do so apologies if its, eh. :)