#which is good I sometimes don’t make one I like and keep it that way :/

[sugucvnt]

PERFECT ROLE | 2.7k

alcoholic! toji fushiguro x fem!reader

description: you’ve always been his perfect housewife. you’ve been there to keep the bed warm, keep the food hot, and there to cry when he’s been out all night drinking.

tags/warning: angst, crying, kitchen sex, clothed sex, mentions of drinking, implied alcoholic, toji's not a great husband but he is trying, REPOST (from my other account lolol), emotional sex

all of your days seem to start the same.

laundry, feeding your child, cleaning her room, etc. when you signed up for motherhood, you weren’t expecting the redundancy that tags along with it. still, even your bad days feel good and you couldn’t imagine trading motherhood for anything else. you smile a little as you tuck your last child into bed, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead before leaving quietly.

you have no regrets because you love your little girl. and sometimes, you love your husband too. the sound of jingling keys seems to snap you out of your thoughts and you huff out a breath, making your way downstairs. the stairs croak a bit, so you’re aware he knows you’re coming.

it isn’t written on your face, but you are rather upset. you’ve known your husband since he was a teenager- which means you’re aware of things he may not even be aware of. like the fact that he honestly prefers eating with other people. you’ve noticed the man goes a little crazy when you refuse to eat at the table with him. not just that, though, but you know the way his mind works.

toji doesn’t know what a promise is. or he’s got no idea what it means to make one.

he’ll make tons of empty promises that he never intended to keep in the first place, and then he’ll get pissy at you for being upset with him. it’s unfortunate, but you’ve always learned to just accept it and work around that flaw. until now, you’ve never allowed his blatant disregard for your feelings to send you into such despair. your emotions are a tool you’ve worked diligently to keep in place. it’s like a stone wall: they aren’t so easily broken or disturbed. not by just anyone, at least.  the only person who could disturb the artificial peace you’ve created to keep yourself sane is toji.

you’re barely near the man, still leisurely walking down your loud, wooden steps- but you can smell him.

cheap liquor. it’s all you’ve been able to smell this week.

“‘m back,” he calls, the shrinking scar on his lip pulling into a sickening grin. it seems so long ago but there was a time when you enjoyed his smile. there was a time when it brightened your day just to see the stupid little smirk he’d have on his face when you did something for him, or even when you’d wore a pretty outfit he liked.

“it’s late, toji,” you start, finally making your way down the steps and right past your husband. he barely feels like that to you anymore. “haven’t even had work this week but you’re out all night. it’s funny.”

you shoot him a quick glare before brightening up the kitchen a bit when you turn the stove light on.

“don’t be like that, i let you go out when you wanna.” he sits in one of the chairs in the dining area, a sly grin still glued to his stupid face. your eyebrows furrow and your head turns to look at him, your hand anxiously playing with the loose strings of your nightgown.

“let me? toji, you can’t let me do anything. i haven’t even been out to do anything but run errands.” another sigh escaped your lip and you feel like you might vomit. you’ve been up since 6, running errands, doing laundry, and making breakfast. not to mention, crying yourself nearly to death worrying about your husband. is he alright? why’s he been out so much recently? does he need to talk?

you’re worried out of your mind. it’s like your head’s been spinning and your thoughts aren’t even your own. so anxious, you’re nearly on the verge of vomiting daily. toji hardly even notices you said anything before he’s back to picking at the food on his plate.

“you promised you wouldn’t keep drinking.” he’s draining your energy day by day and you’re unsure if you can even keep up. your voice is merely a croak, fingers still widely tangling and untangling in the loose threads of your satin gown. you wanna say good night and kiss him on the cheek? even tell him that you aren’t mad, just worried is all.

you don’t.

you’re about to move past him. you’re tired and irritated- you need some sleep and a long bath and much to your dismay, he carefully grabs your arm. you’ve been with the kids all day. the kids you’d agreed to procreate when he promised a foolish illusion of a perfect family. you won’t regret your children- don’t think you could ever live with yourself if you did, honestly.

but you’re starting to think you chose the wrong person to start a family with.

he doesn’t speak. his presence is so subtle, it’s like he’s holding his breath. you feel a chill run through your back when he pulls you into his lap, attempting to have you straddle him. your energy, the rest of it, has been used up for the night. you don’t have the proper motivation to even fight with him. on a normal night, maybe you’d push him away a little hard and then come back to apologize. maybe on a normal night, you’d just bury your face in his welcoming neck without fighting him. maybe even ask if he’s okay. you wanna know. you gotta.

however, tonight isn’t a normal night. you haven’t had one in a while.

you have enough energy to turn your head to the side. you can barely stomach looking at his flushed face and wild hair. he’s as red as a tomato, with individual strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. you’ve been missing him so much that the images of how happy he used to look simply from being around you and your children flash through your mind, almost as if your own head’s mocking you. like your mind’s telling you how pathetic it is that you’re losing the family you built. going from a loving housewife to your husband’s burden.

does he hate you? is that why he’s been acting so recklessly? you’re no stranger to fantasizing about your life before a family. you often thought about a different career choice or how much free time you’d have if something, anything, had changed. that didn’t mean you didn’t want toji anymore, though. the thought of him hating you or feeling any type of disgust with you caused your stomach to churn painfully, embarrassingly enough. he was still your lover. always had been.

“you know how much i love you, yeah?” he whispers, the scent of liquor heavy on his thick tongue. his words cause you to flush with a bittersweet sensation. loves you? he’s constantly gone and making you worried. you can’t remember the last time he asked about your day or helped out at home.

you pout childishly, stifling an unwanted laugh. nothing about this is amusing to you, but you genuinely can’t help the laugh beginning to escape your lips. “yeah? then i don’t see why you make me worry so much.” you finally bring yourself to face him, tears awkwardly welling in your eyes. blinking them away, you subconsciously pressed your head against his. you can hear his breath hitch in his throat before his hands gently grip your clothed waist. you’ve been doing well at keeping your frustration with your situation at bay, but something about sitting in your husband’s lap just broke you. when was the last time you were able to feel his warmth? it felt nice. you were starting to remember just how much you missed feeling his body against yours again.

god, you were beginning to feel so needy.

“hey,” you hear him start before he quickly stops talking. you assume he’s attempting to rack his tipsy brain for the right words, but it must be difficult in his haze. still, he’s seeming to sober up in your presence. “don’t cry, please. not over me.”

tears still drip from your eyes, your body ignoring his words. how can you stop now? you’ve been crying all day. all week. he’ll never understand what he’s doing to your mind until it’s too late for the both of you. you’re constantly on edge, feeling like you’ll break. he’ll tell you something sweet, claiming he’ll stop or that he’s sorry- but won’t do anything to make you believe it. you’ve stopped trusting him and you hate that so much. hate how much you’re regretting a relationship with him and how far you’ve both taken it.

neither of you is ready to be together.

even then, you can’t leave. you have a child together. and secretly, even if you won’t admit it, you still love him. even if you’re angry and frustrated, and depressed- you’ll always love him. you’ll always be here, keeping the bed warm and keeping food on the table for when he gets home.

that’s one promise you can’t break.

“please, you’re hurting me a lot.” you’re trying to be honest. until now, you’ve held the way you’ve felt for as long as possible, only confronting him when the situation escalates. you’ve been a good woman. a good wife, for him. “i can’t- not by myself. please, toji. please.” you plead with him, bringing the back of your hand up to quickly wipe away your unwelcome tears.

even in the dim light, you can tell how much his face drops seeing you cry. you’re aware of how his mouth opens, but then quickly shuts. his eyes find yours and his hands squeeze your waist a little. nothing is stopping you from releasing a low groan, so you do. poking your lip out while you watched, or rather felt, for his every move.

he presses a chaste kiss to your neck and suddenly, you can’t remember what you were so upset about. the feeling of his scarred lip bewitches you and forces more groans from your lips. your body seems to move on its own, hips gyrating over his clothed bulge in a steady movement. your lips move to his neck now, your brain filling with fuzz while his hands travel over your needy body. goosebumps begin to form along your skin when he touches you, but he barely notices. it’s been too long since you’ve been touched like this.

“there she is,” toji pushes his strands of hair out of his face before gently grabbing your chin. his eyes are intimidating as ever, but you feel a sudden warmth when he looks at you now. the same gentle fire in his stomach you used to feel. it’s dangerous. it’s dangerous because it feels like hypnotism. every worry or stressor in your life seems to become so blurry they’ve disappeared. your feelings are surprisingly at ease, and shoulders that were once tense now drop lazily. “my pretty lil’ housewife. knew you couldn’t stay mad at me…”

his words should snap you out of your daze. they should upset you because now it’s clear he’s either attempting to make a shitty apology or distract you. despite your awareness, you’re unable to bring yourself to stop.

“yeah…” you breathe out hoarsely, attempting to roll your hips against his hardening bulge once again before he stops you, tightly gripping your waist. your head shoots up to stare at him, silently questioning him. his hands quickly leave your waist before silently fumbling with his belt and zipper. you suck your lip into your mouth and nervously pull your nightgown up to your tummy. the world around the both of you seems to fade away, the only thing on your mind now being your husband. toji, toji, toji.

you breathe out a cool breath, shaky fingers snaking down to pull your sticky panties to the side. your husband’s mouth pulls into a grin when he notices his effect on you, blowing some air from his mouth. you watch intently as his thick fingers wrap around the base of his cock. he glances up at you for a split second before he’s rubbing the top of his cock against your wet clit. you shiver, your chest rising and falling dramatically from such a simple touch. you can feel nerves surge throughout your stomach from both pleasure and anxiety, but you ignore it.

it’s painfully quiet, the only sounds being your soft groans and toji’s grunts. he slicks his cock with a mixture of saliva and your arousal before lining it with your entrance. once he pushes in, you can no longer contain yourself. your eyes water again from the stretch, but you’re still moaning. couldn’t stop if you wanted to. your mouth hangs open, tongue lolling to the side while bottoms out in your tight heat.

“been so long baby,” he whimpers, fucking whimpers, in your ear, the familiar feel of his hands now back on your waist. “missed feeling you like this so bad.” you can feel his hips thrust upward, fucking into you in swift movements while you just take it. you feel his cock drag against your sopping walls, the sound of your slick gushing not going unnoticed by either of you. it’s almost awkward the way you just sit there and take what he’s giving you.

his pace slows down now and then, the gentle drag of his throbbing cock sending waves of pleasure through your body. you huff out gentle breaths into his neck while toji has his way with your body for the first time in a while. neither of you feels talkative tonight given the tension, but you wanna cry out to him. your body’s been on fire these nights without feeling his cock filling you up so, so so perfectly.

with a free hand, he makes a gap between the both of you and presses his finger to your aching clit, causing you to cry out loudly. you throw your head back, finally gaining a bit of control. you leisurely rotate your hips, holding onto toji’s broad shoulders as a way to keep your balance. toji never stops moving. he never stops fucking himself inside of you, one hand gripping your ass while the other gently presses down on your clit.

you know he isn’t good at apologies. is this his way of apologizing? you can’t help but wonder.

he could feel your walls gripping him like you were too afraid to let go- and it was driving him insane. you could tell as much, groaning from the way he throbbed inside of you. “gripping me like-” he stops and grunts, pace quickening once again. you can hear the sound of his cock pounding you, along with the sound of your slick continuing to escape your pussy. it’s almost too much, really. “like you want another baby. do you? you wan’ another, hm?”

goodness, no. you don’t need another child in this situation. you wouldn’t be ready and you know he wouldn’t be either. despite that fact, the fantasy of him pumping more children into you was starting to force a reaction from you. your toes clenched tightly while you rode his cock, pulling yourself off a bit before sliding down quickly. the nerves in your stomach were out of control and you broke out in chills. you were almost there. you buried your face in his shoulder while you moaned, riding out your quiet orgasm. his fingers sped on your aching clit, encouraging you to use him for your own pleasure. he was so lovely in bed.

toji whispered how much of a good girl you were for him before he found himself painting your walls in thick ropes of hot cum. he thrusts into you a few more times before halting, hands weakly wrapping around your hips in an attempt to pull you even closer.

he didn’t have to say anything for you to know he was sorry.

“‘m sorry i haven’t changed.” his voice was croaky, you’d noticed.

“‘ts okay. won’t leave you. can’t.” your lips were pursed while you lay your head on his shoulder, thinking about your words. there was nothing sadder to you than your own desperation. no matter how this played out, you couldn’t see yourself leaving him. no matter how much you were regretting your marriage, you’d never leave.

you were realizing that maybe you weren’t good for each other after all. the toxicity of your relationship was nothing to laugh at.

but even then, you’d continue playing the role of his perfect housewife.

[graciedollie]

Grayson Headcannons

Warning(s): nothing too drastic, lex sesbian, mention of scissoring, cunnilingus, fingering, and strap usage, slight dacryphillia, and small mention of tits/cunt slapping (😛), mention of different hair types and body types. Overall, just Grayson being a sweetie <3

A/N: She’s so underrated. like seriously I LOVE HER😖

SFW

This woman is honestly a romantic at best.

If she were to meet you at the Last Drop, she’d probably be drawn to you—your smile, the way you carry yourself, and how your eyes gaze over at her. She would probably try to scoot her way over and suggest to pay for your drink, which of course, you’d agree and you would start to chat a bit—slowly warming up to each other, but even so she’s an Enforcer and you’re a Zaunite—not a good mix, people would think, which leads to meeting in secret here and there sometimes.

But on the other hand, if you were a piltie, then of course she’d be drawn to you by all the things I stated in the previous line. She would probably be out on duty and you would happen to pass her, giving her a smile before she stops you just to tell you how much of a beauty you look. It would be a routine. You running into her and starting a conversation—which soon led to going on small dates.

I feel that she would prefer going to dinner, theatre, or even a small coffee shop as a date for starters, but as you both develop more in the relationship, she’d most likely prefer to treat you to fancy restaurants, spoiling you rotten, and of course, doing things you love.

Grayson would definitely be a very, VERY observant partner—like seriously. If you so even glance at something you wanted in a store, it’s in your hands almost immediately. If you want something, but can’t get it yourself and don’t wanna burden her with getting it for you, she’ll already be getting it for you. If you mention something you like (ex; specific perfumes, books, clothes , etc.), she will make a mental note of it and get it for you.

She’s probably only been in one relationship in her life, but it didn’t workout—leading her to be a bit more guarded with her feelings(??). As much as she would love you dearly, she still feels the need to keep her guard up, but as you both get more comfortable in the relationship—the guarded walls come crumbling down and she’s way more open to you.

Grayson is a busy woman—she’s an Enforcer for God’s sake. She knows her work is stressful and pretty dangerous, making quality time a tight squeeze. You know she’s busy and she tries hard to spend time with you—making sure you’re loved and feel appreciated for—but she makes up for it with the gifts she’ll send to you (ex; flowers, your favorite food, letters, etc). It’s definitely one of her love languages and you love that she spoils you rotten, but you still crave her regardless, as does she.

Speaking of love languages, besides gift giving, she also loves physical touch and acts of service. Whenever you two are out together, she’s always in touch with you—always. Hand around your waist. Holding your hand. Holding you close to her side. Locking fingers together. Her hand on the lower drift of your back. Anything. She will have you close enough to be touching you. When you’re alone together at home—she’s more touchy. She’ll have her hand on your thigh, rubbing along your sides, massaging your legs, and even massage your tits a bit. She loves having you under her touch, it’s really comfortable. If you’re not a fan of physical touch yourself, she’ll back off, of course.

Her acts of service is practically doing whatever you need her to do—most times doing stuff that you don’t even need to tell her to do. She’ll make dinner or help you with it—even if you fight her on it. She knows you can do good on your own, but she just wants to show you how much she really loves and cares for you. She’ll help you slip on your shoes, zip up your dress (if you’re a fan of wearing them), and helping you do your hair. Now, if you have like type 3/4 hair, she’ll be confused on how to care for your hair, but trust me—SHE GONE LEARN. It’ll take a couple tries, but soon enough, she’s your personal hairstylist <3

Being an enforcer is definitely frustrating and tiring—which mostly leads her to coming home upset and tired. You wouldn’t even have to say anything but open your arms and let her engulf your body—melting into her touch as your hands would rub her back, earning soft grunts from her. She’d stay silent for a moment before telling you about her day, which you gladly listen and sometimes put your feedback on it. As much as she tries not to take her frustrations out on you, her dearest, it sometimes happen on accident, but she will immediately apologize after taking a couple deep breaths. She never wants to make you feel bad after she had a bad day, but she definitely tries her hardest and make it up by holding you close to her while saying she loves you and she’s sorry (gifts are bonus points).

Now, if you were to be upset after a bad day, she’d do the same, but with more (idk). She wrapped her a strong arms around you and hold you close to her as you would either stay silent or rant about your day. Her hands would rub your back, occasionally smoothing her hand over your hair to calm you a bit. She’s very understanding and knows how it is to be stressed, which is why when you just snap at her, she isn’t too mad, but only encourages you to take a deep breath before she pulls you closer to her on lap—engaging you with her arms as she held you close to her. Of course you don’t mean to sometimes and you even apologize deeply for it, but you, too, are also working on it.

She fuckin loves watching you try on clothes. She could be sitting at the edge of the bed, eyes wide with such love and affection as you would come out wearing various outfits (outfits that she picked for you for special events). You would strut around with your cute outfits with a wide smile on your face, absolutely loving how obsessed and beautiful her precious girl was :)

Grayson is pretty strong (I will die on that hill.) and she could pick up a bit of weight tbh, so she just randomly likes picking you up—either bridal style or over her shoulder just to mess with you. Now if you’re a bigger girl, that’s even better. She loves seeing the shock and surprise on your face as she lifts you, chuckling at your reaction before hushing your protests with a searing kiss.

When you two have an argument, which isn’t too common, it’s quickly dispersed. If she’s in the wrong, she’ll be quick to apologize for what she said/did—but sometimes she’s stubborn, which would make the argument a bit longer (bonus point if you’re the same also). The argument wouldn’t last too long as she didn’t want to go to sleep with you, knowing you’re upset with her and there’s some tension. Eventually, she’ll be the one to come clean and apologize, which you also will if you’re in fault (if you’re not stubborn), leading the argument to die down—hugging each other tightly, relishing in the warmth of the tight embrace.

She’s snores pretty lowly, but when she’s utterly exhausted, that shit is so damn loud that you sometimes have to throw a pillow over her face to muffle the snores (not trying to suffocate her ofc <3).

As I said before, her work is pretty dangerous and stressful, which means she never wants you caught up in something—which is why she don’t really like to tell you a lot of things that involves her works. She doesn’t mean it in a non-trusting way, she only wants to keep you safe.

Grayson tries to be polite with certain things she say, but she can’t help but say it bluntly—especially when it has something to do with something that’s stupid. There are some things she won’t bother to speak on, but her facial expressions will say everything her mouth prefers not to say.

She has a good patience, but most times you push it. There are times where she literally had to go outside or something to take a deep breath when you asked the most nonsensical question she ever heard of all her years. (Isn’t she like in her late 40s or older??.)

NSFW

well well well

THIS WOMAN IS A SOFT DOM AND I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL.

Anywho…

But like I said, she’s a soft dom (literally gives the energy). She’s literally the sweetest when it comes down in the bedroom, slowly taking her time to explore your body as she would leave soft kisses along your neck.

Her favorite parts of your body is definitely your stomach and thighs. She can’t help but get even more aroused at the way your stomach jerks/quiver and your thighs tremble. She always pepper more kisses to those areas as she believes that parts such as these should be cherished and loves that you trust her to do so. (Bonus points if you have a larger stomach and thighs).

Most definitely eats you out for her pleasure and yours, ofc <3.

She takes her time while eating you out. Starting with gentle kisses to your inner thigh before slowly placing kisses to your soaked cunt and up to your aching clit—relishing in the soft gasps as she did so while gazing up at you.

THIS WOMAN LOVES EYE CONTACT. FUCKKKKK.

She loves eye contact dearly, stating that it adds more intimacy to the heated moment. She loves holding your gaze when she’s eating you out, fingering you, strapping you and even scissoring with you. She finds it enduring to see you struggling to keep your eyes open while she’s making you feel like you’re in paradise, smirking at your dejected whine when she stops completely when you squeezed your eyes. You try to keep your eyes open, but it’s hard when she’s making you feel so good and you know she’ll stop if you close your eyes :(( (EXTRA BONUS POINTS IF YOU’RE SHY OR NOT ALL THAT GOOD WITH EYE CONTACT).

She’s a tease. Shamelessly.

You could be on the brink of the most earthshaking orgasm and she’ll slow her pace, watching how your thighs twitch and face scrunch up. She loves making you wait for it. First, she’ll kiss and suck at your neck while sliding her fingers over your clothed-clit, but pull away soon as you start getting more impatient. She loves seeing the way your face scrunch up with frustration and neediness, knowing she was only playing with you—nonetheless, she’ll give you what you need.

She absolutely adores fingering you. Feeling the way you squeeze around her digits and the way your clit throbs against her thumb is such a rewarding feeling. She KNOWS she’s making you feel good with only her fingers, though she can use her mouth and strap, but prefers her fingers.

There are times she uses her strap and when she uses it, she usually has you riding her, on your back, or holding you against the mirror so you can watch yourself completely lose it.

Not much of a dirty talker, more so of sweet talker, such as saying: “you’re taking me so well, love” “feel how deep I am?” “No, baby. Keep them open—you know this.” “Hear how she’s speaking to me? I know, honey.” “Too much? Aw, baby, just hold my hand, yeah?” “Be good for me, love.”

Though she���s really sweet and soft when it comes to you, she does not take kind to you mouthing off to her whatsoever or doing something she specifically told you NOT to do. Argue all you want, but you know where you’ll end up. She’ll edge you to her heart’s content, even when you say sorry. She won’t stop unless you say the safeword, which she would immediately stop and check on you. Though if you don’t say the safeword, then you’re in for a night. She’ll finger you slowly then speed up, but stop soon as she could feel you tense around her. With her strap, she make you work for it, so you’re riding her. Nonetheless, she’s gentle with you after all the torture and give her girl what she earned.

She’s not too much on the receiving side, but she loves when you’re eager to go down on her or rub your cunt against hers. She can’t get enough at how your eyes practically gleam as your eyes met her glistening folds before greedily lapping away at her. Plus, she’s not too loud, but she does grunts and release low moans. (sometime whimpers if she’s overstimulated enough)

She hates seeing her precious girl cry when she’s upset, but when you’re overstimulated and drowning in pleasure, that’s a different story. Her lips can’t help but twitch in a small smirk before she would gently kiss away the salty tears, relishing all your little whimpers and choked moans.

Grayson isn’t really mean or such, but she’ll sometimes slap your cunt or your boobs, just wanting to earn a yelp from you. She does it randomly, leaving you on a questioning edge each time—which she finds very humorous.

Like I said before shes pretty gentle and soft with you, but there are times where you push her to the point of being not so gentle with you. Sometimes she’ll prop you on her lap to give your ass hard swats or have you on your knees between her thighs, fingers in your mouth as she glared down at you, but ofc, she’s gonna be sweet in the regardless.

but even so, don’t take her sweetness for granted. She will be QUICK to spread your legs if you try to jerk them shut if you’re embarrassed, overstimulated, being stubborn or all the above. She’ll also use her strength to pin your hips against whatever surface you’re against to hold you still if you get a bit too squirmy.

Now, I know I said she doesn’t try to come home from work with a shitty attitude and take it on you, but you, somehow, encourage her to use you as a stress reliever. She was hesitant, but agreed as you were gleaming to help her. The moment she comes home upset, you already know what’s to come. Getting manhandled every which way. Grunting and breathing heavily in your ear as she practically fucks you with every ounce of frustration she has.

Regardless if she’s rough or soft with you, AFTERCARE IS IMPORTANT TO HER. She takes it very, VERYYY seriously (as she should). She’ll make sure you’re ok, help you clean up, and cuddle you close to her while she coo about how well you did for her and how she loves you so dearly (and ofc you care for her just as much <3)

I NEED THIS WOMAN. FAWK

hope you enjoyed <3

[the-teufort-nine]

The BLU Chemist Reader returns for their final fic! 11k words and about a week of work and beta reading by @pinkypiechar have led to this! I hope it lives up to expectations!

If you like the idea of a Chemist Reader, please consider checking out my longer, RED Chemist Fem!Reader fic, whenever I actually get around to writing it.

Mercs x GN!Reader | Respawn Malfunction PART 3: Chem and RED's Excellent Adventure

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ Hurt/Comfort, Discussion of Poly Relationship, Crossfaction Flirting | NSFW, because while technically no sex happens, its definitely discussed/implied| Cw: starvation, mentions of graphic death/description of a corpse, mentions of pet death (non graphic), possesive behaviours ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Featuring:

Everyone! Even Miss Pauling is here, as well as a particularly charming duo from the enemy team.

Scenario: Having been stranded at the new base with no hope of making it back to their team alone, the BLU Chemist must ask their mortal enemy for help. Thankfully, even a RED Engineer has some good ole' southern hospitality, and the Texan offers to get the BLU back to their team. (Un)fortunately, someone else has joined in on their little quest...

The RED team's Engineer had seen many things during his time working for Mann Co., but the sight before him now may have been the strangest yet.

The BLU Chemist, whom everyone knew had died during that horrible Respawn failure, was standing on the other end of his trusty shotgun.

Well, standing might have been too generous a word. The Merc was swaying like a sapling in a storm, trembling from the effort of staying upright. Their usually vibrant eyes were dull behind their safety goggles, which didn't hug their face like usual. Everything they wore looked baggy and ill-fitting, barely hanging onto their gaunt, thin form. They looked dead, as though their soul had been dragged back from the afterlife and shoved into their corpse.

“How the hell…” he lowered his gun, blue eyes narrowing in disbelief, “Ain't you supposed to be dead?” 

“I was.” They shrugged weakly, stumbling slightly, “Now I'm not. I actually just died again a few hours ago, and I'm pretty sure my team might think I'm actually dead. Again.”

“Jesus Mary and Joseph.” The Engineer cursed, before opening the door wider. “Well, I reckon since it's a ceasefire, ah ain't bein’ paid t’ kill ‘ya, so y’ may as well come in. Just try ‘n keep the noise down, otherwise you're gonna have 9 curious bastards pokin’ atcha.”

“I'll be as quiet as a church mouse.” The BLU replied, wincing as they stepped into the illuminated interior. “Jesus, that's bright.”

“It really ain't.” The Southerner arched a concerned brow, “You’re just sick as a dog.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Came the Chemist’s grumbled response.

“Where’d you come from? Ain’t much ‘round here that could get ‘ya killed, aside from us.” He asked, extending a hand to steady his unexpected guest as they tilted towards the wall.

“Uhhhh,” The Chemist scrubbed at their eyes, letting their hand drag down their face. Their E/C eyes stared blankly at the wall as they tried to call forth an answer. “Colorado. Yeah, we were in Colorado. We had to stop at this little town called Limon ‘cause there was a tornado.”

“A tornado?”

“Yeah. It knocked down a utility pole. That’s how I died again, actually! Biggggg ole electric shock.”

Engineer let out a low whistle. “Nasty way to go. You are one unlucky sumbitch, huh?”

The Chemist inclined their head. “Or, I’m a lucky ‘sumbitch’, depending on how you look at it. I’ve cheated Death twice now, after all.”

Engineer snorted at their attempt to mimic his accent. It reminded him of his own team’s Chemist, who was tucked away upstairs, sleeping peacefully. She often copied his countryisms, and he would sometimes catch her unconsciously copying the accent or speech mannerisms of whomever she was speaking to.

“Maybe.” he acquiesced, “Yer a right tough bastard, ah’ll give ‘ya that. No wonder yer such a pain in the ass when we’re scrappin’.”

The other Merc grinned a bit. “Being a pain in the ass is my specialty.”

Before he knew it, Engineer found himself standing in the Intel room, where the base’s phone was located. Thankfully, their Intel was still packed away in a secure safe, but even if it wasn’t, the man was fairly sure that this BLU wouldn’t try and snag it.

“Here ‘ya are! Hope ‘ya get through to someone.” He said, offering the phone to the exhausted Chemist.

“‘Preciate it.” They said, taking the phone and punching in a few numbers. They leaned against the wall, head resting on the wood as they listened to the phone ring. After a minute, they frowned, letting out a soft curse.

“Pauling’s not picking up. The storm must have knocked out her signal.” They sighed, “Great. Guess I'm waiting back at our base for them to show up. Whenever that is.”

“Are you gonna be able to hang on that long?” The Texan questioned, “No offense, partner, but you look like yer gonna drop.”

The Chemist sighed again, in a long, drawn out way, the way someone did when bone deep exhaustion finally caught up to them. The way animals do when they've given all they can, and now simply must lie down and wait for the inevitable.

“It's not like I have much of a choice. I mean, what else am I supposed to do?” They asked.

“Well,” The RED Merc scratched at his chin, contemplating if what he was about to do was a good idea, “Ah don't know if you know this, but we're in good ‘ole Texas, and Colorado really ain't too far from where we're stationed. If ‘ya want, ah could drive ‘ya on over there.”

The BLU raised their head off the wall, eyes widening in surprise.

“You- you'd do that? For me? Why?” 

Engineer shrugged. “Ah feel bad fer ‘ya. ‘Sides, if you die, then they're gonna replace you with someone new, and ah rather prefer the enemy ah know to the enemy ah don't.”

The two mercenaries stared at one another for a long moment, the only sound being the cricket song coming from outside. Finally, the Chemist let out a dry, wheezing laugh, their teeth bared in a vicious grin.

“Good God I must be insane, trusting a RED.” They chuckled, “You know what? Sure, I'll take you up on that offer, cowboy.”

They reached forward and playfully tugged down the brim of Engineer's hat, causing him to lightly bat their hand away.

“Cream gravy! Alright, let's mosey on out then. Ah wanna be back before mah team starts wonderin’ where ah went.” He said, starting off in the direction of his truck, which was parked faithfully outside.

The Chemist plodded along behind him, and there were a few times where he had to glance back to make sure that they hadn't fallen behind too much. When they finally did make it to the truck, Engineer let them climb into the passenger seat while he nipped over to the trunk. Flipping it open, he pulled out an old, well loved blanket. It was black and white and gray striped, something he'd gotten for his childhood dog, Bucket. Bucket had been a fat, lazy beagle who did nothing but lounge around and bark at guests, but the man had loved him more than anything.

Bucket had passed away some time ago, but he'd never stopped taking the blanket along with him. Now, it would finally get to see some use again.

“Here,” he passed the blanket to the shivering Merc, “It ain't much, but it should help keep ‘ya from freezin’ over ‘till the heat kicks on.”

“T- Thanks.” The Chemist replied, gingerly taking the offered fabric. They thumbed the worn fabric, setting it across their lap.

“No problem.” Engineer replied, shutting the door to his side. 

For a moment, it almost sounded like one of the back doors had shut as well, and he looked back over his shoulder, eyes squinting in the low light. His gaze lingered for a moment, but when nothing revealed itself, he slowly turned back around and started up the truck.

“Ah’ve got a map in ‘m glove box. Pull it out and let's find that little town of yers.”

The Chemist nodded, and Engineer put the truck into drive.

It was going to be a long drive.

A couple of hours into their trek, the RED Engineer noticed that his passenger was starting to droop more than usual. Worse than that, he could hear their stomach growling like an ornery gator every few minutes.

Wordlessly, he eyed up the nearby fast food places before pulling off the road they'd been driving on. The Chemist didn't even seem to notice, too preoccupied with just staying somewhat awake.

“You up for a snack, Darl’?” He asked, gently nudging the BLU.

“Mnhm.” They mumbled back, “C’n I have m’ cheeseburger yet?”

“Sure, we can do a McDonald's run.” Engineer replied, turning into the nearest drive through.

He quickly placed an order for both his guest and himself, paying and grabbing the food before finding a spot to park.

“Here ‘ya go. One genuine American cheeseburger.” The Texan said, handing the Chemist their food.

The Chemist stared at the offered meal, gently cradling the wrapped burger in their hands, as though it were some sort of priceless treasure.

“Engie, I could genuinely suck your dick right now.” They said softly, before sinking their teeth into the cheeseburger, not even bothering to take off the wrapper.

The RED Merc’s face turned the same shade as his uniform, and he pulled down his hat to hide his rosey cheeks.

“Don't- y’ cant just-” he stumbled, trying to make words come out of his mouth properly, “Jesus, don't eat the wrapper!”

“Sorieh, ah can't heawr you.” The Chemist replied through a mouthful of cheeseburger and cheeseburger wrapper, “Ahm too buwsy eaghting.”

“At least slow down.” He muttered, tucking into his own food.

And yes, he did take the wrapper off, thank you very much.

“Yes, please do. I have no desire to see you hork down that disgusting slop like a wild beast.”

Both BLU and RED mercenaries choked as a third voice piped up from the back, scaring them out of their wits. 

“SPY!” Engineer whirled around as the Chemist hacked up their mouthful of food, the BLU thankfully having the wherewithal to stick their head out of the window, “What the hell do you think you're doing here?! How did you even get in mah truck?!”

“I followed you and slipped into the back when you were rooting around for that rag.” Spy replied, indicating to the blanket, which had halfway slipped down onto the floor. “What are you doing here, labourer? Having some sort of illicit affair with zhe enemy?”

“If- If you actually thought that,” the Chemist coughed, pounding on their chest, “then you hiding out in the back is super creepy, dude.”

“Yeah, well bein’ a creep is about all this one knows.” Engineer grit out, nostrils flaring like an enraged bull, “But usually, he knows better than to try that with me.”

“I was simply curious as to why you were sneaking off with someone who is supposed to be dead.” The masked man said, producing a cigarette from one of his pockets, “Zhe Administrator is not going to be pleased when she finds out you have been acting rather… friendly with each other.”

“Yeah, well, what is she gonna do, kill me?” The Chemist snarked. “If she wanted me dead, she wouldn't have let Pauling go ‘n get me. I must be worth more to her alive than dead.”

“She ain't got no eyes here anyway.” Engineer added, “Trust me. Ah personally go over every inch of mah equipment and vehicles at least once a week, t’ check for any bugs or cameras. Mah Betsy is as clean as a whistle.”

Engineer moved like a striking cobra, his prosthetic hand closing around Spy's suit jacket. The Frenchman dropped his cigarette as he was jerked forward, a flicker of fear coming over his face.

“And you, spook, ain't gonna breathe a damn word to Her ‘bout anything that happens on this trip, ‘cause if you do,” he tightened his grip, the metal components straining slightly under the pressure, “ah’ll know, and you won't like what happens next.”

Spy rolled his eyes, but both the Chemist and the Engineer could see that the man was sufficiently intimidated.

“Very well, I shall be silent about your little ‘road trip.’” he sneered, “And zhe Chemist's generous offer.”

“Great.” Engineer said cheerily through gritted teeth, “Ah can tell this is gonna be real fun.”

“Yippee.” The Chemist added dully, before taking another bite of their burger.

“Wh- TAKE OFF THE DAMN WRAPPER!”

Travelling with the RED Engineer had been surprisingly nice. It was almost like being back with your own Engineer, what with the southern man being so kind and polite to you, despite you both being on opposing sides.

Travelling with the RED Spy was not nearly as pleasant.

Him and the Engineer bickered almost constantly, and when they weren't bickering, Spy started semi-flirting, semi-picking on you, which usually led to yet another round of bickering.

Truly, it was almost like being stuck in a car with two overgrown toddlers.

“Is he always this insufferable?” You hissed to Engineer after Spy started listing off all the ways your outfit was offending the very concept of clothing.

“No.” Engineer sighed, looking very much like he'd like to drive all three of you into a ditch, “He's purposefully bein’ more of an ass than usual ‘cause you're here. Usually, he's a lot more quiet.”

“I'd like to see that.” You groused, before refocusing on the map in your lap. Your previous consumed cheeseburger and fries felt uncomfortably heavy in your weakened stomach, but they did help to restore some of your lost energy.

“Okay, it looks like we need to take a left in about 6 miles. We'll be turning onto Canyon Rd.” You read aloud, “We'll be on that one for a while.”

“It's real nice to have someone along who can actually read a map.” Engineer chuckled, “Usually, it's either Scout, Solly, or Pyro who rides with me into town every time we need t’ get supplies, and none ‘a them are any help when it comes to navigatin.’”

“Heh, yeah, mine aren't real great at that either.” You smiled, thinking of all the times you'd heard the three of them bickering on missions.

“Are zhose three good for anything besides destroying zhings?” Spy asked, lounging in the back like a smug cat.

“Sure.” You replied, not looking up from the map, “My Scout's actually really good at impersonating other people, Soldier is a baking whiz when it comes to bread, and Pyro can sniff out backstabbing French bastards like nobody else.”

Spy definitely didn't start pouting as Engineer started cackling like a madman, his shoulders shaking with mirth. You grinned at the sound, your own quiet chuckles joining in.

“Hooo-wee! They gotcha there, slim!” he laughed, wiping at his eye.

Spy glared. “I'm glad you find zhe idea of me dying so amusing, toymaker.” 

“Oh, lighten up, would you.” You glanced back over your shoulder to look at the masked man, “Are you seriously going to tell me you guys don't joke about killing us?”

“I don't joke about killing,” Spy sniffed, “I just kill.”

Engineer snorted as you rolled your eyes, turning back to your map. “Uh huh. Sure. Whatever you say, frog legs. Turn left up here, Engie.”

“No insulting names for zhe cowpoke?” Spy arched his brow.

“Considering he's been nothing but nice to me? No. Maybe if you turn your attitude around, I'll think of something nicer to call you, too.”

“I have no desire to be as, ah, close as you two seem to be.”

You gripped the seat as you whipped around again, eyes widened in anger-tinged disbelief. “Holy shit are you still fixated on that? What, do you want me to offer to suck you off too?!”

Spy recoiled back a bit, stiffening up as the exposed skin of his upper cheeks turned a shade of pink usually reserved for flowers. However,

He didn’t say no.

“Oh, my God.” You said, raising your brows as a smirk pulled the corner of your mouth upwards, “Oh, my God.”

“Merde, no, zhat’s not what I-”

“Well,” You relaxed your grip on the seat and folded your arms, tilting your head slightly as you watched Spy squirm, looking every bit like the cat that got the cream, “you’d have to be very nice to me to get that sort of offer.”

“Je vais t'éviscérer comme un poisson si tu continues à parler!”

“Now, see, I don’t know what you just said, but it didn’t sound very nice.” You turned back around, barely holding in your laughter, “No blowjob offer for you. I guess you won’t have to share, Engie.”

“Well don’t that beat all?” Engineer replied playfully, “You sure yer team won’t mind, though?”

“The way I see it,” You said, readjusting the blanket the man had given you, “you have gone out of your way to bring me back to them, and you let me actually eat the cheeseburger you bought me. They can suck it up.”

“Sounds like you’ll be the one suckin’.” The Texan murmured under his breath, too quiet for you to hear.

“What was that?”

“Nothin!” Engineer replied, “Just talkin’ t’ m’self.”

“Is that a thing all engineers do?” You asked, “My Engie does that too, usually when he’s working on something.”

“Maybe. Mah Pa used to do it fer sure.” The RED Merc shrugged, “Wait, does yer Engineer let y’all into his workshop?”

“Well, he let’s me and Pyro in.” You said, recalling all the times you and the firebug had hung out in the space, “Sometimes Medic is allowed in, but everyone else gets the boot, unless he calls them in to help him with something.”

“Interesting.” Spy said, apparently having recovered from his embarrassment enough to speak, “Zhis one has barred us all from entering his sacred domain. Not even our Chemist get’s zhat privilege. You must mean quite a bit to him.”

“If y’all didn’t go ‘round putin’ yer grubby mitts all over everything, maybe I would let y’ in.” Engineer smacked the steering wheel, frustration in his tone, “Honestly, it’s like herdin’ cats when I let y’all anywhere near mah stuff! ‘Sides, don’tcha remember what happened the last time I let someone play around with mah equipment, Spy?”

“Oui.” Spy shuddered, “I don’t zhink we will ever fully get zhe smell of bread yeast out of zhat base.”

“I’m sorry- bread yeast?” You shot the two RED members a confused look, “What does bread have to do with you not letting anyone near your stuff?”

“It’s a long story, but I suppose we got the time.” Engineer cleared his throat, “It all started one afternoon. We’d just got done killin’ yer team and makin’ off with yer Intelligence…”

Engineer and Spy’s wild tale of love, RED victory, and bread monsters kept you entertained for the next few hours or so, the three of you eventually getting sidetracked by various other topics. By the time the sun started to rise over the Colorado horizon, the conversation had switched to being about everyone’s favourite foods.

“Look, there ain’t nothin’ better fer breakfast than a nice cup’ a coffee, bacon ‘n eggs with a side of buttered toast, biscuits, and sausage gravy ‘n grits.” Engineer said, voice full of confidence.

“I think I would actually explode if I ate all of that.” You stuck out your tongue, feeling ill at just the thought of eating so much food. If this man ate like that every morning, then it was no wonder that he sported such a plump figure in comparison to most of his other teammates.

Not that you were complaining.

“I agree, mon petit saphir.” Spy said, curling his lip. “Zhat is a disgusting amount of food for zhe very first meal of zhe day.”

“Ooh, whatever that name was, it sounded a lot nicer.” You said teasingly. “See? I knew you could do it!”

“Well would ‘ya look at that? You actually got him to simmer down.” Engineer grinned, ducking when Spy swiped irritably at his head, “Maybe you should come join up with RED. We could probably stash you away somewhere, hand y’ over to Spy when we need him to settle.”

You laughed, imagining yourself with a little service animal harness. “Tell you what, If my team decides to murder me for dying again right in front of ‘em, I’ll switch sides.” 

“Heh, partner, you’ve got yerself a deal.” Engineer stuck out his hand, and you gripped it, giving it the best shake your weak arms could manage. 

“It seems as zhough you’ll be making your decision sooner rather zhan later.” Spy leaned forward and pointed at an upcoming road sign, which read “Limon Welcomes You!”

“Oh SHIT we’re here!” You sat forward quickly, before wincing and holding your head, “Oh, woof, headrush. That was a bad idea.”

“Good Lord, this place has seen better days.” Engineer said, gazing at the many fallen tree branches and damaged buildings, “Where did you say y’all were stayin’ again?”

“We sheltered in an old garage near the outskirts of town.” You replied, wincing at the amount of damage you saw, “I hope they haven’t gone too far, but I wouldn’t blame them for wanting to get away as soon as possible.”

“I doubt zhey wanted to linger around your charred corpse.” You nodded grimly at Spy’s comment, not particularly looking forward to seeing it yourself, but needing to check if your team was still around.

Soon enough, the three of you pulled up to the abandoned mechanic shop. The building looked even worse than when you had last seen it, and the lack of nearby vehicles did not make you feel particularly hopeful that you would find your team here. Still, your temporary RED companion pulled over and hopped out of his truck, putting a steadying hand on your shoulder when he saw you struggling to maintain your balance. Spending so many hours sitting down did not help your already weak legs to support your weight. Stepping inside the building proper, you were careful to avoid the downed utility pole and various cables. Only a few feet away from the door lay an unmoving mass with a familiar colour scheme.

Seeing your own dead body never got any less unsettling. Usually, it was blown into unrecognizable pieces, or shot so full of bullet holes that it resembled red and blue swiss cheese, but this time it was wholly intact, save for the skin that had burned and blackened from the intense heat of the electricity that had rocketed through your body. The stench of burnt clothes, hair, skin, and the early stages of rot permeated the still air, and you quickly tugged your respirator on in disgust. 

“Eugh, thank God I ate earlier, because I think I just lost my appetite.” You scrunched your nose, pulled down your goggles over your eyes, and began gathering chemicals from the various pockets and vials on your person. “Step outside, gentlemen, I’ll have this gone in a moment.”

The two RED’s quickly nodded and left, eager to get away from the smell and knowing exactly how dangerous your materials could be.

After a few minutes and a decent amount of hydrogen fluoride and antimony pentafluoride later, you emerged from the workshop’s interior to see Engineer kneeling on the ground, looking at some tire tracks that you hadn’t noticed before.

“Looks like they turned themselves ‘round and went back the way they came. They’re probably takin’ one’a the nearby backroads.”

“Think you can catch up to them?” You asked, praying that you wouldn’t have to return to your new base without your team. You wouldn’t be able to make it by yourself, and you doubted that the rest of the RED team would be as kind and hospitable as their Engineer had been.

The Texan gave you a sharp grin as he pushed himself up, dusting off his overalls.

“Do sheep wear sweaters? Hop in, and ah’ll show ‘ya just how fast ol’ Betsy can be.”

If you asked Florence if she knew her mercenaries well, you’d probably end up with a bullet in your skull, because you were not supposed to know about her mercenaries. Well, technically, they were Reliable Excavation & Demolition and Builders League United’s mercenaries, and, really, the Administrator’s above even them, but she was the one who scouted them out, checked in on them, interacted with them, gave them their assignments, and helped cover up their fuck ups. 

So, yeah, they were her mercenaries. And you weren’t supposed to know about them, so now you’re lying in a shallow grave after getting very well acquainted with her hacksaw.

But if she pondered your question after the fact, then she’d say that, yeah, she did. She’d spent almost all of her very limited free time around them for the last few years, after all, and she kept an eye on them through the various hidden cameras almost as much as her boss did. She knew both teams equally well, easily picking out each of their many similarities, as well as all their little quirks and differences. For example, she knew that the RED Scout had far more freckles than the BLU one. She knew that the BLU Soldier was actually slightly more tame than his counterpart, and that he wore earplugs more often than not, though he is dedicated to never ever letting anyone find out. She knew that both Pyro’s were afraid of the dark, and she knew the exact brand of cigarettes the Spies liked to order.

She knew that both teams were full of loud, borderline rabid, bat-shit insane lunatics that enjoyed the thrill of killing almost as much as she did, maybe even more. She knew, from experience, just how difficult it was to get most of them to quiet down.

Which is what made the situation she was in so damn eerie.

She was back in Spy’s car, having taken the now available passenger seat. Her eyes kept flicking to the neatly folded blanket in Spy’s lap, its minky blue fabric still damp from the rain. The car was silent, save for the occasional muffled wheeze from Pyro, who had just about cried themself hoarse. Medic was sitting next to the arsonist, hands folded as he stared out the window. To a regular onlooker, he likely would have appeared chillingly nonchalant or uncaring. However, as has been established, Florence Pauling personally knew the men she hired to kill each other, and so she was able to see the little cracks in the man’s facade; the way his lips twitched occasionally, like they almost started to wobble before he caught himself, the slow, controlled breaths he was taking, the way his eyes were wet behind his glasses.

Spy was much the same; a perfect picture of poise and aloofness, unless you knew where to look. His suit had been left lightly rumpled, his expensive leather gloves creaked when his hands shifted, showing just how hard he was gripping the wheel, and his mouth was set in an unnaturally tense line. Occasionally, one of his hands would release their death grip on the steering wheel and slip down to feel the blanket in his lap, gently rolling the fabric between his thumb and forefinger.

None of them spoke. 

What was there to say? What could any of them possibly say to make this situation better? 

What could she say? ‘Sorry for your loss, let me fax you those application forms Medic shredded?’ ‘I know you’re mourning, but we need to hurry up and get back so you can all go back to killing the RED team, which still has their Chemist?’ 

No, silence was the better option here by far.

The purple-clad woman leaned back in her seat, head resting against the window as she committed to memory the sound of a tired yet happy voice saying her name, and the feeling of gloved hands pushing her back towards safety. It was better to think of that, rather than the sight of the BLU Chemist’s body spasming wildly before collapsing to the ground, their smoking body giving a few last jerking, dying nerve reactions. 

As she stared out into the vast, dusty nothingness of the New Mexico landscape, something odd began to appear in the corner of her vision. At first, she thought it was a mirage, a strange flash of red in an otherwise sky blue and sand yellow landscape. 

But then it didn’t go away. 

In fact, it actually began to get bigger, becoming clearer and more defined as whatever it was drew closer. On instinct, she reached for the radio and tuned it to a specific frequency, drawing confused looks from her fellow passengers.

“Guys, I don’t want to alarm you, but something’s coming at us. Fast.” she said, leaning in close to the speaker.

“What zhe hell?” Spy said from her left, taking his eyes off the road to squint towards the horizon.

Pyro and Medic peered outside as well, squeezing in close so they could both get a look at the strange thing that was approaching.

“Sniper, can you get eyes on that thing?” Engineer asked over the radio.

Yeah mate. Just gimme a sec.” came the marksman’s reply.

Turning around in her seat, the raven could see Sniper’s van through the rear window. The man was in the passenger seat now, holding up his rifle and peering through the scope. After a moment, he jerked back, a look of shock on his face. He ducked his head back down to look again, as though he wasn’t sure he’d seen something right. In the driver’s seat, Heavy, who had taken the wheel, gave his teammate a confused and slightly concerned look.

Sniper lowered his rifle after another few moments passed, sliding back into his seat as he shouted something to Heavy, who’s confusion visibly deepened. The Russian did a double take when the marksman said something else, and he quickly said something back to the Australian, who shook his head and pointed out towards the still encroaching… whatever it was.

“Sniper wants team to slow down.” Heavy relayed, his tone making it clear that he wasn’t onboard with the idea. “Says that he… believes he saw leetle Chemist.”

“Oh joy,” Spy snarled, baring his teeth in clear disdain as he spoke into the radio, “our Sniper has finally lost it. I knew too much time spent in zhat deathtrap of his would eventually get to him.”

“Ah hate ‘t say it, but ah agree with Spy. We all- we all saw what happened to ‘em. Even if they survived comin’ back again, they'd have died of exposure, thirst, or starvation by now.” Engineer added glumly, “‘Sides, how in the Sam Hill would they get all the way out here? Snipes, ah think you should maybe go lie down for a bit while we deal with whatever's chasin’ us.”

“What is that?” Pauling asked in a low whisper, rolling down her window to get a better view.

Tuning out the sound of fully grown men bickering behind her, she focused on the anomaly. It was a bright, almost familiar shade of red, and it was kicking up quite a bit of dust as it moved across the desert. Pushing herself slightly out of the window, she picked up on the faint sound of… an engine?

Wait a damn minute.

Wait a Goddamn fucking minute.

Faster than a striking rattlesnake on cocaine, Pauling whipped her phone out and began dialing, holding it up to her ear. After a few rings, a man answered in a thick, smug-sounding Southern drawl.

“Why hello Miss Pauling! To what do ah owe the pleasure?”

“Engie, you fucking asshole!” Florence screeched, getting a confused, offended yell from the BLU Engineer, who could still hear what was being said over their shared transmission, “Did you seriously find the BLU Chemist and not tell me?! Do you know how mad the Administrator was going to be at me?!”

She could hear the RED Spy's telltale snorting cackles in the background of the call, while his BLU counterpart looked the farthest thing from amused.

“Qu'est-ce que c'est? Il vaut mieux que ce ne soit pas une mauvaise blague, sinon je jure devant Dieu que je tâcherai de rouge le sable autour de moi.” he growled as he began to slow down, shooting a deadly glare at what was now obviously a RED vehicle, likely their Engineer's truck.

“Woah now lil’ missy, we didn't mean any harm by it. You were outta range back at the base, and ah just figured it'd be easier to just deliver ‘em right to ‘ya.” The RED chuckled, “Iffen y'all are lookin’ t’ shoot us as soon as we come near, though, then we can always keep ‘em. They make pretty good company, and ‘ah know Spy likes ‘em well enough to help vouch for ‘em to the rest of the team.”

“Shoot you, what are you-” the young woman turned around, spotting several members of BLU pointing their weapons at the approaching REDs, “Scout, Soldier, Sniper! Put your guns away- Engie DROP IT!” 

The other Texan had been gearing up to toss down a mini sentry, but paused at his boss’s shout. Disgruntled, he acquiesced, dropping the beeping little robot back down onto the seat.

“Now that's a might bit better. Chem, you wanna take over communications?” The RED Engineer said, before sounds of rustling fabric and a quiet ‘Thank you!’ came over the line.

“Hey, P.” Pauling could almost hear the smile in the other's voice, something that was rather impressive, given the explosion of noise that came over the radio at the sound, “Guess who's two for two on kicking Death's ass?”

“Hello, Chemist.” She replied softly, smiling back, “Are you alright?”

“Oh yeah, I'm fine!” The mercenary replied quickly, sounding tired, but cheerful, “These two have been great company. Well, Engie has, at least- Spy I'm kidding- and guess what? I finally got my cheeseburger!”

“Zhose are not vhat you should be eating!” Medic chastised from the back, “Zhey are nothing but empty calories! 

“Shut up! I was hungry, and Sniper didn’t let me have mine!”

“Chem,” Pauling interrupted, not wanting to be caught in the middle of another argument, “I’m happy you’re alive, really, I am, but how did you get here?”

“Oh, I Respawned at the new base. I guess the system kicked on because the other team was already there.” the Chemist explained, “I tried calling you, but it didn’t go through, so Engie offered to take me so I didn’t, you know, curl up and die.”

“I… wow, that was really nice of him.”

“Yeah, it was. I seriously owe him for this. I’ll have to buy him a nice dinner some time, or, uh,” they snickered, clearly trying to muffle their laughter, “do something for him.”

Florence got the feeling that she was missing something here.

Judging by the intense glares and scowls Medic, Spy, and likely Pyro were directing towards the truck, which was now close enough for her to pick out details, she knew she wasn’t the only one who picked up on the Chemist’s friendly tone.

“Whatever it is you two end up doing, just remember that, if you want me to not have to rat you out, the Administrator cannot know about it, which means I can’t know about it.” the purple-clad woman stressed.

“I would certainly like to know what zhat cow-boy analphabète believes our Chemist shall be doing for him.” Spy muttered lowly, finally bringing the car to a stop as the RED Engineer’s truck parked on the dusty scrubland a few feet away from them.

“No fighting guys. We don’t need anyone else having to risk not coming back.” Florence warned.

Like a pack of stalking wolves, the nine BLU mercenaries leapt out of their respective vehicles and formed an almost defensive group, most of them having only heard bits and pieces of the phone call, but understanding that they were not here to fight. They walked with an air of tenseness, hands flexing as they resisted the urge to reach for their weapons, clearly feeling uneasy in this unprecedented situation.

Still, there was a clear feeling of nervous excitement. The emotional whiplash of the past few hours had left their emotions raw and more sensitive than usual. All of them stopped when the passenger door of the dusty red truck opened with a soft ‘click!’, the wearily smiling face of their teammate popping up over the metal as they shuffled carefully towards the road.

“CHEM!” Scout yelled, unable to hold himself back anymore. A fond smile made its way onto Pauling’s face as she watched the young Bostonian dash over and scoop the other mercenary up, spinning them around for a moment before gently setting them back down on their feet.

Like deadly, man-slaughtering ducklings, the rest of BLU followed after, warmly welcoming their missing friend back into the fold. Medic was on the Chemist in an instant, examining them while asking more questions than was probably necessary. Soldier gave them what was likely meant to be a gentle pat on the back, but which ended up nearly sending poor Y/N to the ground. 

Meanwhile, Pauling, Spy, and Engineer moved to greet the RED team members, who were stepping out of the vehicle themselves. The two men at Pauling’s side kept their professional appearances well, but she knew they’d like nothing more than to give into their instincts and go for their counterparts’ throats.

“Hey guys,” Florence started, hoping to make this conversation as smooth and bloodshed-free as possible, “thank you so much for bringing the Chemist back. I’ll arrange for your team to get a bonus or something for this, I promise.”

“Aw shucks,” the RED Engineer replied, tipping his hat, “it weren’t no trouble. Ahm sure y’all woulda done the same if y’ were in our shoes.”

“But of course.” the BLU Spy responded, “We’re mercenaries, not monsters.”

“What you are is lucky. Your Chemist should have never survived zhe first time, let alone a second.” the opposite colour Frenchman said, producing a cigarette to light, “Tell me, has your team figured out why Respawn went down?”

The BLU Engineer frowned. “Can’t say we have. I reckon y’all haven’t either, then?”

“Unfortunately not. It's got our team all twisted up with worry, ‘specially our Chemist. The stress has been makin’ her feel just plum awful these past few days.” the crimson-clad Texan sighed, pushing up his goggles to pinch the area between his eyes, “To be honest wit ‘ya, ah’d somewhat hoped that travelin’ with yer one might’a given me some answers, or at least an idea of what went wrong, but ah couldn’t find one single tell. If yer feelin’ amicable enough, ah’d like to work with ya t’ find the problem, so we can all stop bein’ so damn nervous.”

“Hmm.” the BLU Engineer hummed, resting a hand on his chin before glancing over at his boss, “Would that be alright, Miss Pauling?”

Florence adjusted her glasses and nodded. “Usually it wouldn’t, but under these circumstances, I’m sure the Administrator will understand.”

Suddenly, she jumped, remembering something.

“Oh, shit! Guys, we actually need to get going! I need to give the RED Chemist a contract and, like, a thousand other things that have been piling up since I’ve been gone.” She said apologetically, before turning to the RED team members, “Do you two mind if I ride back with you?”

“‘Course not.”

“It’s always a pleasure to have you around, mademoiselle.”

“Okay, great!” the raven said, smoothing down her skirt. She looked over at her companions, tilting her head slightly, “You’ll be fine getting back, right?”

They nodded, and started walking back over to rejoin their teammates. They explained that their employer wouldn’t be coming back with them, and, to her surprise, Chemist pulled away from the rest of the BLUs, walking as fast as they could over to her.

“Hey, I just wanted to ask if you were alright before you left.” The goggle-wearing chemist said, their worry clear in their voice as they laid a hand on her shoulder, “You were pretty close to that powerline too, and I wasn’t sure if you’d gotten injured or not.”

“I’m fine, Chem.” Florence reassured, giving her friend a smile, “My clothes are going to smell like burned cloth and skin for a bit, but that’s it. You got me out of the way in time. Thank you, for that, by the way.”

The Chemist inclined their head, smiling back before turning their attention to the two RED Mercs. “You two get her back safe, understand? I’d hate to have to kill you permanently after all this.” they joked, pointing a ‘stern’ finger at them.

The RED Engineer raised his hands in mock surrender. “Don’t worry, Darl’, she’ll get there right as rain.”

He stepped forward, took the white cowboy hat off his head, and plopped it down onto the Chemist’s, tugging it down gently to secure it.

A few feet away, the other Engineer’s mechanical hand nearly crushed his gun as he shot daggers at his counterpart. 

“Y’ can give me that back when y’all finally show up at the base.” he smirked, “And, iffen yer still up for it, ah think I’ll take ‘ya up on that offer of yours from earlier.”

The Chemist turned a very interesting shade of pink as they tipped the brim of the hat up slightly, revealing that their pupils were blown wide.

“Mnhm, sounds good.” they replied softly, before spinning on their heels and making a beeline for their teammates. 

“I-” Florence started, before cutting herself off, 

“You know what? It’s better if I don’t know what that’s all about.”

You watched as the RED Engineer, Spy, and Miss Pauling drove off, waving to them as best you could.

“Well, ain’t you ‘n them real close.” Engineer said in a tight voice. While it was quite hard to tell where the man was looking most of the time, you got the distinct feeling that he was staring at your new accessory.

“I had to listen to them argue for, like, half the trip.” You replied, “If you come out of that having not murdered them or killed yourself, then it's because you learned to like them.”

“Kinda sounded like you didn’t just like ‘em.” Scout pouted, crossing his arms, “What the hell did youse three get up to?”

“Well let’s see.” You raised your hand, ticking off your fingers as you recounted your joyous road trip shenanigans, “I got the ever loving shit scared out of me by the RED Spy, melted my own corpse, got a cheeseburger so absolutely scrumptious I offered to suck off the RED Engineer,”

“You did what now?!” your Engineer yelped.

“I listened to two fully grown men bicker like toddlers, got regaled with a tale of bread monsters, got my outfit called every French insult under the sun, and passed out from, like, severe malnutrition, probably.” You finished.

“Uh, can we walk that back a couple’a steps, mate?” Sniper asked, flushing pink.

“What, you mean the bread monster? Yeah, no, I didn’t believe it at first either, but Spy swears-”

“Not the bloody bread monster, ya daft tit!” Demo groaned, slapping a hand onto his face, “Why the bleedin’ hell are ya offerin’ t’ give our enemy a gobble?!

“Dear GOD, have they brainwashed you?!” Soldier gasped suddenly, “I swear, I will hunt down each and every one of those communist RED bastards if they so much as touched-”

“Woah, woah, woah!” You rushed to clear up the misconception, “Easy, Sol! No one did anything to me, I promise. I’m still one hundred percent me.”

“Zhen vhy…?” Medic questioned, coughing into his gloves as he trailed off.

“It started as just a joke, honestly. I wasn’t seriously thinking about acting on it at first, but when their Spy accidentally revealed that he was jealous, I started thinking about it a little bit more.” You shrugged, “Plus, well… he’s hot! And he’s nice! And he’s clearly into the idea, so… why not?”

“Why not? Why not?” Spy growled, “Because you are ours! You wear zhe same uniform and kill zhe same men as us! You are a member of BLU, and your standards should be higher zhan zhe first, non, not even zhe first, man who shows even zhe slightest interest in you! Il n’y a aucune raison de se prostituer à ce gros, analphabète Texan!”

You threw your hands up into the air, letting out your own growl of annoyance.

“Look, unless one of you is going to help me take care of my needs when I’m better, I’m walking my ass over to that pretty little base they have!” You stated firmly, crossing your arms and tilting your chin up in a petty, almost defiant way. “Maybe I’ll even proposition the rest of ‘em, I don’t know!”

“Oh my freakin’ GOD!” Scout yelled, “We are literally right here! I don’t know a guy on this team that wouldn’t fuck you if you just asked!”

There was a moment of silence after that sentence, the Bostonian’s words echoing slightly in the empty desert scrubland. The ten of you all stood there, turning red from something that wasn’t the harsh New Mexico sun.

Heavy made a sound first, awkwardly clearing his throat. 

“Scout is- what is word- tactless, but he is also… not wrong.”

“Er, yeah,” Sniper scratched at the back of his neck, “the big guy's got it right. It's just we, uh…”

“Mh muph mmnmnh mhmh.” Pyro finished, talking animatedly with their hands.

“The arsonist is correct.” Spy agreed, still looking a bit flustered under his mask, “This is far from something that is easily brought up.” 

You blinked slowly at your team, absorbing the information. Now, technically, you'd heard this all before, right before you'd died, but hearing it again solidified it in your mind as being real. 

“Well shit.” You swore, planting your hands on your hips, “We all could have been a lot happier ages ago, huh?”

The gathered mercenaries made various sounds of awkward agreement.

“Okay, we definitely need to talk about this, and I mean a real conversation, not all of us standing around like idiots, cooking our brains in the sun while we all blush over the fact that you'd all like a piece of me.” You said, “But I think I'd rather talk in the comfort of our base, wouldn't you all agree?”

Your teammates nodded in agreement, dispersing into their chosen groups as they started back towards your vehicles.

“Yo, Chem, you ridin’ with us?” Scout asked hopefully, hooking his arm beneath yours instinctively as you wobbled slightly. He looked as though he was still feeling a bit hot under the collar, but was doing his very best to keep your conversation casual. 

“Sorry, Scout, but I think I’m gonna pass out soon if I don’t lay down.” you admitted. “I promise I’ll spend some time with you when we get back. Maybe I could help you pack when I’m feeling a bit better?”

“Don’t even worry ‘bout it. You should focus on gettin’ bettah first.” Scout replied, leading you towards Sniper’s campervan, “‘Sides, I already packed up most of my crap, and I think Pyro handled your stuff, so you can just take it easy. Pretty sure the Doc is gonna make you stay in the Medbay, anyway.”

“Scout is correct, mein Chemiker.” Medic piped up, matching your slow, careful stride as he came up beside you, “Now don’t give me zhat face; it vill only be for a few days. I just want to ensure that jou are okay after going through Respawn again in jour state.”

Your expression, which had been one of pouty, light annoyance at being forced into mandatory bedrest in the Medbay, softened a bit. You could hear the genuine concern in the German’s voice, and you knew he had good reason to be. You yourself were worried that something might have gotten messed up, and you knew you were due for another round of supplement shots.

Still, it was going to suck to not be in your own room, surrounded by your familiar comforts. You knew that you’d have a lot of pent up energy by the time you got out.

Huh, actually… you could think of a few fun ways to burn off any excess energy.

“Okay, Doc, I’ll come to my appointment, I promise.” you said, smiling, “But this time, I get to choose the operating room music. You’re not cutting me open to Lili Marlén again.”

“But jou said zhat jou enjoyed it last time! Lale Andersen has zhe voice of ein Engel.” Medic pouted.

“Yeah, but if you keep playing it while you're dissecting my spleen, I’m always going to associate it with getting picked apart like a biology student’s frog.” you explained, “I won’t pick anything too bad, swear on my good beakers!”

“Hmph, I vill hold you to zhat.” the doctor warned teasingly, “Zhere vill be no more ‘Sugar Pie Honey Bunch’ in my operating room.”

“Ugh, you’re so boring.” you teased right back, sticking your tongue out at the man as Scout handed you off to Sniper, who had a fond, lopsided smile on his face. “Hey there, Stretch. Mind helping me to the bed?”

“Not at all, mate.” Sniper replied, laying a warm, sturdy arm across your shoulders, “Not at all.”

Sure enough, after around two weeks of being kept in the Medbay upon your return, your prediction of being just about ready to explode with unreleased energy had proven to be true. Your organs had actually suffered a bit of damage this time around, which had necessitated a longer stay. On top of that, you had needed to move to the new base midway through your treatment, which hadn’t helped things. However, this also meant that Medic could focus on accelerating your healing, and by the time you pranced out of those swinging double doors, you were feeling like your old self again.

Scout and Soldier were waiting there for you, just as they had been on the day you’d failed to come back.

“Heyyyyy, there you are! Freakin’ finally.” Scout whooped, bringing you into a tight hug. You returned it, squeezing back with all your regained strength, “Oof! Yup, you’re bettah alright!”

“Sure am.” you grinned, before releasing the Bostonian to tackle Soldier, who grinned and crushed you to his chest.

“It’s good to have you back in fighting shape, private! Your presence has been missed on the battlefield.” he said, patting you in between your shoulder blades, “Also, I just missed you.”

“I missed you too, Solly.” you replied, knocking your forehead against his helmet gently, “Show me around the base? I saw a bit of it when I Respawned here, but I wasn’t exactly taking in all the finer details.”

“Of course!” Soldier set you down, taking the lead as you, him, and Scout headed off down the hall.

He gave you a tour of the base and the battleground, loudly and excitedly chattering about all the great places to set up ambushes and assaults that this new location provided. You nodded along, adding your own ideas occasionally as you took in your surroundings, inhaling a lungful of warm, apple-scented air for the first time without pain. In a few days, the RED Chemist would be returning from her contract, and you would be returning to the fray, but for now you got to revel in the relative peace of the time between battles.

Eventually, Soldier led you to the barracks, showing you to your room. It had been partially set up; your bed was made and your uniforms had been hung up in your closet, but your casual clothes and personal belongings had been left in their moving boxes. You smiled softly when you flipped open the first box and spotted Pyro’s drawings sitting on top. The firebug had added a few new ones, depicting a healthy you and them frolicking through a shimmering candyland, or petting beautiful unicorns. You snorted with laughter at one of the last ones, which showed you and Pyro sitting aside a golden, fire-breathing dragon, flying high above the base, the arsonist flipping off the RED Spy and Engineer, who were being roasted by the beast.

Speaking of…

“Hey, has anyone seen my hat?” you asked Soldier and Scout, who were peering into one of your, currently empty, terrariums. The two mercenaries glanced at each other.

“Uh, I think Engie took it.” Scout rubbed his chin, “Kept mutterin’ something about the ‘cowboy hat rule.’ He sounded real pissed about it too.”

You tilted your head and frowned. “Cowboy hat rule? What the hell is that?”

“Dunno.” Scout shrugged, “You’d have to ask Hardhat.”

“Maybe I will.” you said, putting the drawings down, “Where is he?”

“The grease monkey is in his workshop!” Soldier said helpfully, “I saw him go in there before I went to wait for you.”

“Perfect,” you smiled, “I’ll be back soon, fellas. Oh, actually, could you two do me a favour?”

The men nodded.

“Tell the others I’d finally like to have that conversation we talked about.” you winked, stepping out the door, “We’ll talk at dinner, yeah?”

Slipping out into the hallway proper, you left two very warm-cheeked mercenaries behind.

“What are the chances we actually score tonight, you think?” Scout asked, biting his lip slightly.

“If Engie doesn’t make ‘em mad?” Soldier grinned, tipping up his helmet slightly, “I’d say I like our odds.”

“God, he bettah not screw dis up.” Scout huffed, folding his arms, “I hope he’s smart enough to just give Chem that hat.”

“Ah ain’t givin’ you that hat.”

The Texan and the Chemist stood almost chest-to-chest, locked in a standoff. Engineer folded his arms and fixed his colleague with the firmest look he could muster, standing absolutely resolute in his decision.

Chemist set their jaw, squinting in annoyance.

“Engie,” they started, voice firm and tone indicating that they were done with this argument, “that hat was a temporary gift. I need to give it back. I don’t know why you’re being such an ass over this, but-”

“Because it ain’t a gift!” the man finally shouted, gritting his teeth.

Chemist reeled back as if they’d been struck, shocked at the man’s outburst. They blinked, then slowly shifted to a more passive stance.

“Okay, clearly I’m missing something here, and it’s making you upset.” they said, backing up a step to give Engineer some much needed space, “Mind filling me in? Does it have something to do with that ‘cowboy hat rule’ Scout mentioned?”

“It has everything to do with that.” Engineer sighed, deflating slightly as his anger returned to a very low simmer, “A cowboy’s hat is considered an extension of his body, a real special article of clothin’. If he puts it on someone’s head, or if someone takes it and puts it on, then that’s basically the same as sayin’ yer real interested in ‘em. The ‘rule’ is basically that if you wear the hat, y’gotta ride the cowboy.”

He folded his arms again, looking into Chemist’s wide eyes. “Him puttin’ that hat on ‘ya like he did and bein’ all flirtatious was almost like him brandin’ you; a real bold move to pull right in front of all of us. You bein’ so friendly ‘n receptive ‘bout it all was just salt in the wound, and now he’s been down right gloatin’ about it ever since we got here!”

Chemist winced, rubbing at the back of their neck. “Aw, jeeze, I’m- I’m sorry, Engie. I didn’t realize how much that might bother you. This has really been eating at you, huh?”

“It has.” he confessed, feeling slightly ashamed by just how much it bothered him, “Ah know yer a grown adult, and ah obviously can’t control what ‘ya do in yer free time, but as ahm sure you’ve figured out, we’re all rather fond of ‘ya, and I ain’t no exception. Seein’ you with him? And then having to work with ‘im these past few days?”

The man shook himself, scowling. “It’s like swallowin’ glass.”

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worked up outside of battle.” the other mercenary said, before reaching out and taking Engineer’s hands into their own, causing the Texan to jolt slightly in surprise, “Look, I might joke around sometimes, but I am one hundred percent loyal to BLU and everyone who’s a part of it. That other Engineer might get me once, but you can have me as many times as you like.” 

Chemist winked, and Engineer’s eyes widened like saucers, his mouth turning dry as cotton as any words he might have intended to say died in his throat. The other BLU leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on his cheek, and Engineer closed his eyes, burning the sensation into his mind as he swallowed.

“And if you’re still worried,” they whispered into his ear, “you can always leave your mark on me.”

“Careful, Darl’,” he growled lowly, wrapping a hand around their waist, enjoying the feeling of muscle and fat, “you don’t know what yer askin’ for.”

“Oh, I think I do.” they grinned ferally, nipping at the Southerner’s neck. Engineer inhaled sharply and let out a curse, tightening his hold when he felt a warm tongue lave the area lovingly.

Suddenly, the contact was gone, Chemist pulling away with a satisfied grin and leaving the poor Texan stunned.

“You can hang onto the hat for now, but I really do need it back.” they tapped his nose, causing him to blink, “Now, we’re all gonna have that little chat at dinner tonight, so don’t be late.”

And with that, they sauntered right back out the door they'd come through earlier, leaving Engie to try and collect himself. Eventually, he managed to shake himself out of his stupor, a grin coming across his face.

“Well, this ought to be mighty interestin’.”

The conversation at dinner had been, to absolutely no one’s shock, awkward as all hell to begin with.

Once everyone had gotten a plate of food in front of them to stare at when things got too uncomfortable, you started laying out basic ground rules. You stressed, through your many stutters, the importance of boundaries, consent and communication, and you made it very clear that if anyone was at all uncomfortable with what you were proposing, then they were more than welcome to voice that without judgement. You were firm as you warned that if you caught wind of anyone teasing or pressuring another teammate about this was going to lose any and all privileges, as well as getting a face full of acid at any given time. 

“Any objections or questions so far?” you asked, taking a bite of your dinner, which was macaroni and cheese.

“If ve’re really going to to zhis, I vould like to propose regular STD tests und use of condoms.” Medic said after a few moments of silence passed in the room, folding his hands in front of him, “Zhis isn’t exactly a closed relationship ve’re talking about here, und I for one vould feel a lot better vith zhat reassurance, zhough I know jou’re all clean as of right now.”

Everyone made noises of agreement. No one wanted to take that risk.

“Do we have to do stuff with everyone? ‘Cause, uh, I definitely ain’t cool with that.” Scout asked, rubbing his arm in discomfort.

“No, of course not.” you reassured, laying a comforting hand over his. “You’re free to be with whoever you want, and you certainly aren’t going to be forced into a relationship.”

Scout relaxed, some of the tension leaving his body. Around the table, a few others seemed to relax as well.

“We will have to keep zhis a well-kept secret. If zhe Administrator finds out, zhen I suspect we will be punished in some cruel and unusual manner.” Spy added, resting his chin on one hand.

“Yeah, she’s real good at that.” Soldier mumbled, still sore over the fact that he’d be tricked and threatened into breaking off the best friendship he’d ever had, one that still hadn’t recovered.

“So no flirting, or anything else, on the battlefield or during work hours.” you nodded, “We’ll save it for contracts, ceasefires, and late night meet ups, I suppose.”

Sniper raised his hand slightly, swallowing his mouthful of food. “And how exactly are we plannin’ on deciding who gets to do what, and when?”

“Scheduling.” you replied, having pondered that very same question, “We’ll come up with a schedule. You guys can draw straws or wrestle or something. I’ll leave how the order gets decided up to you.”

“Battle’s comin’ up in a few days.” Demo said, taking a sip of his Scrumpy, “How’s about we use our performances to decide?”

“Heavy likes that idea,” the large Russian man nodded, “it means I will be first.”

“Hey, woah, back it up, tons ‘a fun!” Scout protested, jabbing his fork in the other’s direction, “You musta hit yer head or somethin, cause everyone knows I’m gonna be the one comin’ out on top, as usual.”

“You? Do something aside from running your mouth and getting shot full of bullets? Please, don’t make me laugh.” Spy snarked, picking at his dinner while side-eying the Bostonian.

“Don’t get too cocky, Spook. God knows yer gonna end up on the hot end of the enemy Pyro’s flamethrower more often than not.” Sniper teased, “Meanwhile, I’ll be rackin’ up kills left ‘n right.”

“Hey Py, ah’ll share mah time if y’ team up with me.” Engineer offered, smirking when the arsonist mumbled in cheerful agreement, giving the Southerner a fistbump.

“Ooh, ve’re making alliances?” Medic perked up, “Heavy, team up with me, ja?”

“конечно, доктор.” 

“Oye, that ain’t fair!” Demo shouted, banging his fist down on the table, “Soldier, yer with me!”

“Affirmative!” the American saluted, “We are going to crush each and every one of your pansy asses!”

“This is bullshit!” Scout yipped, realizing that his teammates were absolutely willing to partner up if it meant having a better shot at first pick, “Yo, Snipes, we teamin’ up?”

“Bettah you then Spy.” the marksman leaned over the table and shook hands with the runner. “Alright, jackrabbit, let’s do this.”

“Feelin’ left out, Spy?” Engineer asked, reaching for his cup of sweet tea.

“Not at all.” came the Frenchman’s smooth reply, “I am confident enough in my abilities to not feel zhe need to rely on zhe help of another to win. Unlike you, toymaker, I am not willing to share my lovers.”

“Keep a good hold on that confidence ‘a yers.” the Texan chuckled, “You’ll need somethin’ t’ help repair yer shattered pride once you come dead last.”

You took another bite of your macaroni, enjoying the growing sense of… friendly competition. The next battle was going to be a bloodbath, and you absolutely could not wait to see it.

And, of course, you were very excited to see who came out as the victor.

The sound of gunfire and dying men was like music to your ears as you finally returned to the battlefield. Your limbs ached from the lack of use, and you could certainly feel the strain now, but you welcomed the pain, grinning into your mask as you lobbed another vial at a passing Scout, your smile widening as you snickered at his howls of pain.

Your team was dominating the battlefield today, each member striving to get the most amount of kills. The energy of the battle was even a little bit lighter than usual today, likely due to the fact that the mystery of the Respawn malfunction had finally been solved on the Sunday before the battle.

Apparently, according to Engineer, the issue had been caused by too many units being active at once, which all but confirmed your theory of other teams existing out in the world. It had nothing to do with you specifically, you’d simply been the unlucky bastard who had come through at the boiling point. The information had come as a huge relief, even if the answer had left you with quite a few questions. You would have to ask Miss Pauling about it the next time she came around the base, though you doubted you’d get any real answers. Something told you that, if the other teams had never been mentioned to any of you before, then you weren’t supposed to know about them.

Actually, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut this time. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction wouldn’t be enough to bring you back, if the Administrator decided to disable your Respawn capability.

Shaking your head, you dashed forward, side-stepping the sizzling corpse at your feet. Running across the dry Texas grass, you threw yourself against the side of the nearest building, a smaller, ramshackle barn at the edge of the treeline. From where you stood, you managed to catch a glimpse of Pyro, Soldier, and Engineer taking a new vantage point to set up a sentry, before the arsonist suddenly spun around, blasting a plume of flame at your helmeted friend. You winced, watching as the RED Spy’s illusion melted away, along with his skin.

Well, you supposed you wouldn’t be seeing too much of him today. That was a shame; the Frenchman could be surprisingly funny, when he wanted to be. You’d hoped to get a chance to tease him and see if you could make him blush again, or perhaps some part of you wanted to provide your own Spy with an easy kill.

Just as you started off towards your teammates, ready to help them secure the nearest point, you saw something whip over your head. Before you knew it, your arms were suddenly pinned at your sides, and you’d been tugged backwards, landing on your rump with a sharp yelp of pain. The white cowboy hat that you’d managed to get back from Engineer, which had been sitting snugly on your head, slipped down over your eyes as you were dragged back towards the trees, leaving you blind.

You panicked for a moment, struggling against the tight rope. However, you paused upon hearing a familiar voice, chills running up your spine, both from fear and from pleasure. A gloved hand plucked the hat off your head, the mechanical movement clicking softly in your ear. You tilted your head back, looking up at the man who was holding the lasso that had left you so defenseless.

“Hello there, Darl’.” The RED Engineer purred, leaning against the trunk of one of the apple trees, “Ready to make good on that offer?”

Annnnd that wraps up Respawn Malfunction! Again, big thanks to @pinkypiechar for reading along with me in the wee hours of the morning, keeping me motivated and catching any mistakes I made. You a real one pookie. <3

[ticklishfiend]

Steel Grasp

(lee!Jayce, ler!Viktor)

Word Count : 2710

Summary : Post S2, Viktor realizes he can transform into his Herald form at will. Once he knows just how much Jayce likes it, especially his claw, Viktor uses this to his advantage.

a/n : a shorter fic for u lovely people!! inspired by @home-of-the-squirmle and their lovely hexclaw headcanons hehehe. hope u guys enjoy!!! <3

this is a tickle fic!! not nsfw but a little suggestive, so don’t like don’t read! :D

…

They were…alive. Neither one of them could explain why, but neither one of them cared. They were alive, and together, and after what they’d been through they knew that would never change. Jayce and Viktor were stuck at the hip now, and neither one of them could complain.

They’d ended up somewhere unknown. An alternate dimension, Viktor suggested. Somewhere where no one knew who they were, or what they’d been through, and more importantly to Viktor, what he’d done to get them there.

It’s been almost a year since they’d arrived, and both have settled in quite nicely. They have an apartment, small and dingy but livable for the two of them. 

On the plus side, the ceilings were very high, which was good considering Viktor realized when they first got here that he could transform into his Herald form at will.

When he first realized he could transition between forms, it scared Viktor. He had to work up the courage to show Jayce this ability, terrified that he’d get scared off and leave.

But Jayce did no such thing. In fact, he blushed and stuttered over his words the first time Viktor revealed this form to him, staring with wide eyes, unable to keep his hands to himself. He grazed his fingers along the gold that lined Viktor’s new body, marvelling and, frankly, ogling at Viktor’s form.

So, since that day, Viktor’s grown quite comfortable transforming into the Herald around the house. In fact, he’d been using it quite a lot recently. 

And why wouldn’t he? That flustered face Jayce makes every time he transforms into his tall, slender, fully-metal masked self was endlessly amusing. Sometimes, Viktor would transform when Jayce was in another room just to see the look of surprise and the blush (ohh that blush) that grew on Jayce’s face when he was greeted with Viktor’s alternate self. Viktor couldn’t get enough of it.

Plus, he could tell just how much the new deep, heavy voice that came with it really got to Jayce, and Viktor just loved using it against him.

“Would you stop that?”

Viktor grinned, though Jayce couldn’t see it. “Stop what, Jayce?”

“You know what. It’s…it’s really distracting.”

“Hm. How so?” Viktor’s voice rumbled low, and he saw Jayce bite his lip.

“Don’t interrogate me.”

“Not interrogating. Just curious,” Viktor loomed over Jayce from behind the couch, who was trying to read a book. But when Viktor started reading the page out loud, it seemed to be a bit too much for Jayce. Good. “I read to you all the time and you never act like this. Why does this form bother you so?”

“It-It doesn’t bother me, it’s just, like…” Jayce sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You know I think it’s hot, Vik. You’re using it against me, this is, like–this is like warfare or something–”

“How am I using this against you? I am merely reading, Jayce. I think you are overthinking–”

“Ohoh that’s so rich, coming from the guy who transformed the other night to seduce me into bed with him.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining,” Viktor teased, reaching his claw over Jayce’s shoulder to pinch at his side. Jayce squeaked in surprise, body quickly folding sideways away from the claw that only followed him where he squirmed.

“Oh?” Viktor just chuckled, so smug. “Well what do we have here?”

Jayce bit back his giggles as best he could, embarrassed and excited that Viktor was clearly in such a playful mood. The claw kept pinching, gentle and horribly ticklish against his side, making Jayce squeak and squirm against it in a way that was obviously very amusing to Viktor, if his incessant chuckling wasn’t enough to prove it.

But Jayce felt playful too. He wiggled his way out of the claw’s grasp, standing to attention and ignoring the book that fell to the ground from his lap. He stared Viktor down with a nervous smile, holding his hands out in front of him in defense.

“Viktor,” Jayce warned half-heartedly, unable to keep the nervous smile off his face.

Without a word, Viktor slowly sauntered around the couch towards his target. Jayce moved in time with him, but walked backwards so as to not lose his sight on the giant figure known as His Boyfriend that loomed closer and closer.

Then, Jayce’s back hit the wall.

Oh shit.

Jayce felt his eyes widen when he realized there was nowhere to go, and Viktor was only getting closer. He sauntered steadily towards Jayce like he was in no rush. And why wouldn’t he? They both knew Viktor was going to catch him either way, and getting to watch Jayce squirm in the anticipation of it was always the best part.

“Viktor come on–! This is so unfair!” Jayce complained helplessly, his eyes darted around the room for an escape. Jayce’s heart raced like a rabbit on the run. “You’re huge, I can’t– How am I supposed to–”

“I see you planning an escape,” Viktor said, his voice sending a chill down Jayce’s back. “I’ll save you the time. Don’t move.”

Viktor loved how easy Jayce was to command with this voice. He was an easy man to command without it too, don’t get it twisted, but with this new voice of Viktor’s, there was just something different about the way Jayce obeyed. How much more nervous he looked when he did what was asked of him. How he looked almost conflicted with himself for complying, like at any point the power of this new form would take over and gut him at any second.

And yet, he still did as he was told. Because he’s Jayce, and he loves nothing more than doing whatever Viktor says.

“Very good, Jayce,” Viktor drawled, eating up the way Jayce nearly shivered at the praise. Viktor brought the claw up over his own shoulder, if only to just show Jayce what he had in store. “Do you know what I’m going to use this claw for?”

“Viktor, oh my god–”

“Do you?”

Jayce groaned, throwing his hands over his face when he saw just how close Viktor was at this point. “Yes.”

“Can you tell me?”

“No.”

Viktor couldn’t help but chuckle, and the low sound made Jayce whine behind his palms. “Why not? Should be easy enough.”

“It isn’t, and you know that.”

Viktor clicked the claws together a few times just to see Jayce squirm as the sound got closer, his eyes shut in anticipation. “I do know. I also know that you love it-” He emphasized the word with a pinch to Jayce’s side with the claw, proud when Jayce folded into giggles immediately at the minor touch. Oh, he’d worked him up so nicely. “-when I use my claw against you like this.”

“I don’t.”

Viktor tilted his head. “No? Well that’s a shame.” Suddenly, the claw surged forward and grabbed both of Jayce’s wrists, surging them up and binding them together above his head. Those wide, giddy eyes Jayce gave Viktor were worth everything they went through to get to this wonderful point together. 

Viktor brought his masked face down to meet Jayce’s eye-to-eye. “I suppose I’ll have to use it in another way, then. We’ll see if you prefer this method more.”

“Nohoho come on-!” Jayce was giggling before Viktor’s hands even touched down on his torso. They only wiggled inches away, but it was enough to have Jayce squirming in the claw’s hold, near hysterical with anticipation. Jayce made a sound between a whine and a groan as he grit his teeth,“Ohoh you suck!” 

“Not the smartest words to say in your position,” Viktor nearly sung the words, his sharp fingertips touching down softly against Jayce’s sides, not even moving. He just sat his fingers there, letting Jayce grow antsier and antsier. Jayce’s chest rose and fell with his giggling, his stomach sucking in under the light barely-there pressure of those fingers. Viktor wanted to see how far he could push him like this. “Are you nervous?”

“Shut up,” Jayce breathed, his head tossing back against the wall in frustration. “Why are you doing this?” His words were laced with nervous, giddy giggling. Viktor was getting antsy himself at the sight.

“Your squirming fills me with such satisfaction. The way you can hardly stand the anticipation. Your face is pained with excitement,” Viktor’s fingers clawed inward lightly at the word, and Jayce arched his back with a giggly gasp. “I love to be a witness to your downfall. I love that you love it.”

Jayce could only whine and turn his head away, feeling exposed in all the right ways. Viktor had this man down to a T, and he knew Jayce knew it too. 

“You are…k-killing me,” Jayce stuttered as Viktor’s hands slowly crept upward, his touch remaining light and teasing. Viktor didn’t even bother to wiggle his fingers. Just glided them up Jayce’s flanks, up up up to the very top where his ribs met those oh so sensitive underarms. Jayce gasped hard at the sensation, his squirming increasing tenfold. “Viktor oh my god!” Jayce’s voice pitched up, and the desperation in his voice was music to Viktor’s ears.

“What would you like me to do, Jayce?”

Jayce groaned like he was in pain, “Oh don’t do this…plehehease not like this, I–I cahan’t,” His words were high and breathy, littered with nervous giggling that flowed out of him like it craved to be more than what it was. He needed more. Jayce’s voice dripped with need, and Viktor had every intention of exploiting that.

“You are so easy to work up,” Viktor teased, letting his fingers slowly scribble into both hollows of Jayce’s underarms. Jayce’s breath hitched, now holding in his reactions as if to prove Viktor wrong.

Luckily for Jayce, Viktor knows a challenge when he sees one.

“Such a big, strong man you are,” Viktor’s voice rumbled deeply, letting his fingers tap up and down his flanks just to watch Jayce squirm. Jayce had his lips tightly shut, knowing that if he even tried to retort, he’d fall into desperate giggling just like Viktor wanted. 

Viktor brought his fingertips to the edge of Jayce’s shirt, teasing at the skin underneath with featherlight touches. He could feel Jayce’s belly twitch at the touch, and Jayce had to throw his head to the side in fluster at the feeling. 

Jayce’s belly was always such a hot spot on him. It wasn’t even that the spot was his worst, that title easily belonged to his underarms. No, his belly was a place that made him whine pitifully. Touching there turned him soft in an instant, made him melt and bend to Viktor’s every beck and call. Especially at the very bottom of it, the spot at his waist below his belly button. 

And now Viktor was stroking the spot lightly, so slow, and Jayce’s knees felt weak with it. He was almost tempted to plead with Viktor to just get it over with and tickle him, please god just tickle him already.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait a second longer, because before Jayce knew what hit him, those cold metal fingertips were scribbling madly at that spot just above the hem of his pants, another hand digging into his exposed underarms in a way that sent Jayce arching off the wall with a shriek.

The duel sensations were overwhelming, and Jayce found himself a hysterical mess before he had the chance to take a breath and prepare himself.

“AhAHAaha nohoho-! Vik– Vihihik plehehease-!” Jayce cackled desperately, squirming this way and that as the mixed signals of such different tickling styles sent him keening. The way the fingers under his arm vibrated the flesh, sometimes dipping lower into his upper ribs just to make him squeal, before inching back up to take advantage of such a sensitive area being so easily exposed.

That tickling compounded with those evil, gentle fingers at his lower belly made him kick uncontrollably. He sucked in his stomach as much as possible, but with his laughing there was nothing he could do. Those cold fingers just kept scribbling, singling in on that awful pocket in his hip that made Jayce nearly cry.

“I cahaha–! Ahaha gahaha-! Plehehe–!” Fuck, he couldn’t even talk anymore. Viktor’s got him right where he wants him, and with that claw gripping his wrists tight to the wall over his head, he was entirely helpless. The realization that if Viktor wanted to, he could keep him here for hours like this, begging and pleading and giggling like a lunatic at his mercy. The thought made Jayce wail through his cackles.

“You poor soul,” Viktor crooned, before taking his hand out of Jayce’s underarm just to tease both hip pockets at the same time with his fingertips. Jayce’s laughter raised in pitch at the sensation, quickly throwing his face into his upper arm and hiding as best he could. 

But Viktor could see everything. He saw the tears forming at the corners of Jayce’s eyes, the desperate smile piercing his face, the betraying blush that travelled from the tips of his ears down his chest. Viktor got a view of Jayce’s breaking, and could see nothing but pure, unbridled glee in every movement and sound Jayce made.

“It cannot be so bad, right?” Viktor asked, before digging his thumbs into Jayce’s hips just to conflict his own words. Maybe this form still held some evil inside it after all, because that tickled so much more than it should have. “Oh, this is killing you, Jayce. Why not just break free? Get away if it’s so horrible, no?”

Yeah. This form had to be making Viktor 10x more evil.

“You suhuhuck!” Jayce whined, kicking at Viktor’s steel legs and finding the form not moving an inch. Oh god, the Herald form made Viktor fucking unbreakable. Something coiled inside Jayce’s belly at the realization, and he found himself falling limp in Viktor’s grasp, succumbing completely to his ticklish undoing. Jayce’s brain was falling to mush, unable to think of anything besides, it tickles, it tickles, it fucking tickles, “Shihit! It tihickles Viktohor!”

“Mm, this I can see,” Viktor hummed, before granting Jayce an ounce of mercy. 

Viktor unburrowed his thumbs from Jayce’s hips, planting his palms to Jayce’s sides firmly to ground him. Jayce panted through flustered giggling, still twitching under Viktor’s solid touch. He gasped when Viktor’s thumbs started to stroke, but relaxed when the touch was more comforting than ticklish.

“Fuhuck you are evil,” Jayce sniffled, pulling at his arms in the claw. “Agh, I’m gonna be sore.”

“Oh-” Viktor seemed to realize then how much Jayce had been pulling, quickly retracting his claw and catching Jayce when the man found his knees too weak to catch himself. Jayce leaned his forehead against Viktor’s steel torso, letting himself just breathe and soak in his release. 

Viktor’s hand found Jayce's upper back, bringing him in closer. Jayce could feel Viktor’s body shifting against him, changing and morphing back into its old self, but Jayce didn’t bother watching. Instead, he reveled in the feeling of the giant, steel being shifting into his soft, warm, bony partner once again. 

Jayce’s arms wrapped tightly against Viktor’s now human torso, embracing him deeply. 

“Still evil. Even when you’re all soft,” Jayce pinched at his side teasingly, and Viktor hardly flinched away, just giggling into the crook of Jayce’s neck.

“Do not start something you know you can’t finish yourself,” Viktor teased, leading them back to the couch for a good cuddle. As they settled in together, locking their limbs in place like it was muscle memory to know each other’s bodies so precisely, Viktor mumbled into Jayce’s chest, “I didn’t push you too far? That form can sometimes…get the best of me, I suppose. I do not want to hurt you.”

Jayce just chuckled, kissing the top of Viktor’s head. “I trust you more than you know, V. You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.”

They fell asleep soon after, basking in the warm skin on skin contact that Jayce forgets he misses every time Viktor transforms. He loves the Herald, but nothing could ever replace Viktor’s warmth against his own.

[angelmichelangelo]

Any thoughts/opinions on TMNT 2007, either in comparison to other iterations or about the characters/relationships in general?

oh boy have i got some thoughts on TMNT 2007 !

straight off the bat i’d say it feels so set apart from all of the other ninja turtles movies we had/have at that point. they’re a little older (i can’t remember the canon ages but wasn’t it pretty much fanon for a long time that they were at least early 20s?) and starts their story off kinda at their end.

2007 was also supposedly a continuation of the 1990s movies. whether you want that to be solid canon or not (personally i don’t) but either way, they’re kind of in “retirement” stage of their lives with everything with shredder already happened and this is kind of just the aftermath of that.

the relationships in this movie !!!!! oh my GOD it’s just near to absolute perfection. i usually don’t always super love the classic raph/leo tension just because sometimes it feels a little overdone and can really take away the shine from other aspects of the movie, but i really do like how different it feels here.

raph is so obviously not coping with having so much of his family dynamics changed. and i think that’s why the whole aspect of the movie being set after all of their biggest most heroic adventures works well, because in a way, this movie just highlights how much their lifestyle has impacted them. imo raph struggles with having leo so far from home. he’s going through a little bit of separation anxiety, can’t regulate his emotions properly and lashes out bad.

leo obviously takes this all the wrong ways. he’s going through something too so he’s blind-sighted to the fact that raph isn’t intentionally trying to piss him off. they’re back butting heads maybe because it feels most familiar in a way that hasn’t been since leo left.

b-team in this movie is just. chefs kiss. so much to unpack here, too.

donnie who is finally being highlighted for how much he does for his family behind the scenes, normally quietly bumbling along, now here he is, trying to keep a sense of normality and feeling under appreciated!! which rightly so!! he kind of just gets this shit load of responsibility thrusted onto him when leo leaves and raph distances himself. he’s treading water in the deep end, barely afloat but rarely does he really lash out because he wants to do good, and keep peace (mostly for mikey’s sake, I would argue)

and mikey. oh mikey. easily one of my favourite interpretations of mikey in this movie. he’s kind of mellowing out and maturing in a way that i think hits leo with full force when he comes home from south america. all because he’s had to grow up and pick up the pieces left behind in the wake of their family kind of slowly crumbling apart.

they’re all hurting in this movie but mikey’s hurt is so painfully obvious and so masked when he’s putting up with a job he really hates, barely seeing much of either brother he has left because of their schedules and feels cooped up. he trips over himself with just pure glee when he sees that leo is finally home. he’s still that kid at heart, despite everything, that truly believes that his big brother can mend this. it’s a really bittersweet thing to think of him just hoping his life would fall back into place again after it being so out of sorts for so long.

TMNT 2007 isn’t a perfect movie by any means. whilst i adore the way the turtles have been written, is still falls into the trap of making don + mike background characters towards the last half, giving leo + raph the limelight once again, and sometimes leo does act a little out of sorts but i could just pin that down to him having some sort of PTSD, so it remains high in my ranks regardless.

it’s not perfect but it’s still really really good. the animation holds up pretty well. it paved the way for 2012 in regards to CGI turtles. the voice acting is something i don’t see hyped up enough. nolan north as raphael?!!! i feel like as a fandom we definitely sleep on that fact way too hard

the plot is original and fresh and it’s clear that this wasn’t just a cash grab, but a real love letter to the franchise and to the fans:) the people that made this cared for these characters and this world and it shows :)

the fight scenes are really fun and easy to follow. the leo raph rooftop scene is just incredibly done. whoever wrote that.. please always be involved in tmnt wherever you are.. honestly pure fire some of those lines

nobody feels like a caricature of themselves here, which often happens with tmnt when a new universe is introduced, just to establish their character roles. i really love the thought of them in the wake of the fight and after the dust settles and they’re trying to cope with their feelings and problems separately because they don’t know what else to do. they need a million hugs, please, i would love to see more of this that isn’t just the last ronin. show me the turtles in their 30s trying to adjust to their lives changing drastically as they’re getting older and recognising their trauma, finally. i would eat that up!

in anyone hasn’t seen TMNT 2007 (which, i’d assume most of my followers probably has) then i would absolutely recommend it !!

forever mourning the mikey centric sequel we were supposed to get before the studio shut down and forever sending wishes up that there’s someone out there with enough money and a dream to bring it to life in some way shape or form (i’ll take a comic. a mini series. anything lmao)

TMNT 2007 will always have a special place in my heart :)

[moeswriting]

daylight | 1. black and white

pairing: no-outbreak!sheriff!joel miller x f!pregnant!reader

chapter summary: It was supposed to be a normal day. What happened to his normal damn day?

warnings: implied abuse (reader), implied parental neglect (reader), implied character death, descriptions of injuries on a pregnant woman (reader), descriptions of grief, age gap (joel is 48 and reader is 28), a little bit of a slow burn, reader is pregnant, eventual POV swapping but this time it’s all joel, small town gossip, this small town does not apply HIPAA because they’re borderline feral

word count: 7.8k

a/n: welcome to the very first chapter of daylight!!! this chapter is very joel-heavy, but i promise that next chapter we’ll get more of a glance into reader’s brain and what the hell is going on with her. next chapter should be up sometime in the next couple weeks (but obviously with my track record, who knows).

series masterlist | next chapter ->

read on ao3

“Ellie! What’re you doin’? You’re gonna be late for school!”

It’s 7:58. She should already be at school, but she’s not. He can’t even remember the last time that she was on time for school.

He takes a sip of coffee from his green mug with a picture of a little mug in front of a striped wall holding a placard that reads “MUGSHOT”– a gift from Ellie for his last birthday. He loves coffee. October is perfect weather for it. The revitalizing liquid warms up his frozen fingers through the ceramic and slides down his throat like heaven. He loves coffee.

Footsteps pound down the hallway and all he sees of his teenager is a blur of green plaid as she rushes past the entryway to the kitchen and to the front door.

“Hi Joel! Bye Joel,” she yells, hand popping into his view with a wave and quickly disappearing.

“Hey! Get back in here right now,” he shouts.

“What,” she pants, coming back to the entryway with one shoe on and the other dangling by the laces from her mouth, her tawny hair in a floppy, loose ponytail. Good god, he has no idea how this child has no manners at all. He knows she was not raised like this. Sixteen-year-olds should know not to put shoelaces in their mouths.

But all he does is grumble like he always does because it’s too damn early in the morning and he doesn’t want to argue with her when he’s this damn tired. He can’t think when it’s this early. “Take a poptart please. I don’t want people thinkin’ I starve you.”

She throws her hands up in the air and snatches the silver package off the table. “Okay, Jesus!”

Ellie already has her other shoe on before Joel can even blink. He hears the telltale squeak of the front door opening.

“Have a good day at school!”

“Whatever, Joel!”

And then the door slams shut, the cold October wind rushing its way in behind her.

He takes another sip of his coffee. If he gets another call from the principal lecturing him about Ellie’s tardiness, he might lose his mind. He cannot stand the sound of that man’s voice in his ear– it’s like nails on a chalkboard or the sound of a fork scraping on someone’s teeth. He just wants a normal day with no emergencies or stupid antics from his teenager.

He finishes his coffee off, rinses his cup out, and places it in the sink. 

A normal fucking day.

When he walks into the sheriff’s office, he is greeted by Mary– the nice old lady who works the front desk. Her graying hair is pinned up into curls like she came right out of the 50s and she’s wearing a simple blue dress that compliments her maternal curves with a flair.

“Morning, Sheriff!”

He gives her a polite smile like he does every morning. “Mornin’, Mary. How’s the family?”

“Good! Earl is getting a promotion tomorrow! He’s gonna be the manager over at the hardware store.”

“Oh, that’s great! Tell Earl I said congrats.”

“I will, Sheriff.”

He makes his way to his office, which is all the way at the back of the department to avoid talking to people as much as possible. He passes multiple people along his way back, the woman who keeps track of their files, one of the three beat cops in town, who he greets mildly. He passes his brother’s desk, which is empty save for the steaming mug of tea sitting on his “World’s Best Dad” coaster. He’s somewhere around here.

And, of course, as Tommy often does, he has invaded Joel’s space.

Joel leans against the entryway to his office and clears his throat.

Tommy’s sitting at Joel’s desk with his feet propped up and a hand over his eyes. For a second, he’s almost convinced that he’s asleep, but after a second of impatiently waiting, Tommy speaks up.

“Bill called.”

Jackson, Wyoming is too small for its own good. You can walk from one end of town to the other in thirty minutes or less, and everyone knows everyone and every bit of each other’s business whether they like it or not. Being the sheriff in a small town is easy in most respects– nobody’s getting murdered and there’s hardly ever any robberies– but when it came to Bill Brown, there were times he wished he hadn’t rallied for this job so hard.

Joel sighs and walks into the room, “Why?” He picks his stetson up off his head and smacks it onto his desk beside Tommy’s feet which makes him jump and place a hand over his heart dramatically.

Tommy shrugs after he gives himself a moment to recover, wide eyes pointed at his brother, “Says a ‘dangerous’ woman broke into his property.”

That could mean any number of things with Bill: it could mean that there really is a dangerous woman on his property, it could mean that a woman was walking their dog too closely to his yard, it could mean that a saleswoman knocked on his door to sell him solar panels. Bill is beyond paranoid, but Tommy sitting on his ass, not responding to his call probably means it’s nothing. He’ll check anyway, because if he doesn’t, Bill will come to the station later to get on his ass about it.

“Which property?”

“Old Betty’s place.”

What would anyone want to do with Betty’s house? She didn’t leave anything important laying in that house. It was just a glorified grandmother-themed Ikea after her lawyer had distributed all the things she had left in her will.

“Okay. I guess I’ll go see what’s up.”

The drive over to Betty’s is familiar. The gravel road that knocks his truck around winds him through the dense forest that surrounds the land that Betty Loving called home her entire life. The trees are a mesmerizing mix of reds, oranges, yellows, and greens that come together to highlight the tiny, white cottage that sits on top of the wooded hill.

Without thinking, he knocks the secret rhythm that only a few know onto the tall, white door. He’s stood here on this porch more times than he can count, but in the last few years, he’s avoided even thinking about it. It’s just not the same.

He’s pulled into the house by the collar of his brown button-up with a quick force.

“Bill, what the hell is wrong with–”

“Shhh!” Bill puts a finger up to his lips, scraggly mustache parted by his pudgy finger. 

Said finger points towards Betty’s bedroom at the end of the hall, the one with the pink floral wreath on it that reads, “Elizabeth” in curly script.

Oh god, maybe something really is wrong. He didn’t notice the front door being jammed in any way, nor does he see any damage in his peripheral, but maybe the damage was contained to her room. He really hopes that she didn’t break any of Betty’s trinkets.

“She in there?”

Bill nods his head adamantly, eyes wide.

Joel sighs out his nerves and puts on a brave face. He has to be ready for whatever he’s about to see in there. All he knows is that there is a trespasser that could be dangerous, he’s not sure. He can’t hear anything, in fact it’s eerily quiet.

He pulls out his gun from its holster on his hip. He rarely does it– it’s mostly just a prop to scare drunks from acting too crazy at the bar or one of his fellow officers from being too violent with their own weapons. The metal of the gun lays familiar in his shaking hands.

He pads down the carpeted hall with a practiced patience, boots softly scraping the tops of the fibers. Even as he approaches the door, he still can’t hear anything. Maybe his knock scared them off?

Placing his hand on the cold doorknob, he can feel wind blowing through the bottom crack of the door. Weird, considering it was 50 degrees this morning. She must have gotten through the window. He opens the door.

Laying on Betty’s frilly bedding is a young woman, probably late twenties or early thirties. Your eye is swollen and a dark shade of purple, but it’s fading into yellow around the edges. You’re wearing a long tan coat and a gray sweater dress that shows off the obvious curve of your stomach, hair splayed out underneath you in a halo. What he can see of your fingers and legs are covered in bruises and small cuts of their own. You look like a renaissance painting, splayed out over the bed like a star with your high-heeled boots dangling off the side– it’s almost Biblical paired with how tormented you look, eyebrows pulled together and mouth downturned into a frown even in your sleep.

He holsters his gun and pinches his brow with a heavy sigh.

“Jesus Christ, Bill– that’s an injured, pregnant woman. She’s not a danger to anyone.”

Bill grumbles an unintelligible response.

Another sigh tumbles out of Joel’s mouth, “Did you try to talk to her?”

“No.” Bill crosses his arms and huffs like a child being told off for hitting their sibling.

The wind blows into the room and causes Joel to shiver, fingers weaving together in front of him in an effort to gain some warmth.

“So, you just assumed that she was a danger based on… what?”

“She broke into my house!” He punctuates his stage-whisper by throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation.

“Bill, you are ridiculous.”

All he does is huff, the bristles of his mustache fly up with the breeze his breath makes.

Joel mutters a curse under his breath and stalks his way to the end of the bed.

“Ma’am? Ma’am?”

Your eyes flash open and he watches your pupils dilate as the bright light offends them. He hates to think it or even put it out into the universe, but your eyes are beautiful. They compliment your features in a way that makes his heart stop in his chest. 

Before Joel even has a chance to react, you’re up and as far from him as you can be, huddled against the metal headboard. Your boots leave behind a muddy stain on the white sheets as you clamber away from him.

He can see you wince in pain with the effort. It’s then that he notices the circle of blood you’ve left on the bedding where you were laying. It’s soaked into the white, turning it a dark maroon that slowly fades to pink around the edges. He can tell it’s fresh from the way the stain expands itself.

Jesus Christ.

“Woah, woah now, darlin’. Ain’t nobody here to hurt ya.”

Eyebrows crease together, you raise a hand up to signal him to stop.

Your voice comes out in a husky whisper, upper lip snarled, “Get away from me.”

He takes a step back and puts his hands up in mock surrender. He can tell you’re not going to hurt him, nor would you be capable of it, probably, but he wants to keep you calm and if backing up is gonna keep you calm, he’s willing to do it.

“You’re hurt,” he points out with a finger pointed down to the blood.

You chance a quick glance down to where he points, like you’re afraid that if you don’t look at him for two seconds that he’ll get the jump on you. He supposes he could. 

As if you can read his mind, you look back up at him with a piercing scowl.

“I’m fine,” you reply, voice a little clearer now.

He scoffs with an eye roll to accompany the sarcastic action, “Clearly you’re not, don’t have to act all tough. I’m Jackson’s sheriff; I can get you to the town doctor in less than ten minutes.”

Joel watches you evaluate him. Your eyes dart from one of his to the other, run down his body, and then back up to his face. He’s never felt so vulnerable just from being looked at. You soften a little.

“Really?”

He nods patiently, “Yes, ma’am. Dr. Teddy’d get you fixed up in no time.”

Your chest expands with one breath, two breaths, and then you let out a pitiful sigh.

He takes a chance by putting a hand out for you to take– a sign of good faith– and you hesitate. Your fingers twitch by your side. Suddenly, your soft palm grips his calloused one with a quiet ferocity. 

Joel helps you up and to his truck, not without a little mumble in his direction about how he better get her on trespassing, which he quickly replies to with a directed glare. Bill retreats into the kitchen to sulk.

Your wool coat is soaked with blood around the back, turning the nice tan into a dark brown. He tries his best to ignore it as he guides you up into the passenger seat. He’s going to have to clean the damn leather after he figures out what to do with you.

Hopping into his own seat, he turns the key in the ignition and turns the heat on. Out of the corner of his eye he can see you sink down into the warmth.

You’re silent the whole ride there, which he’s fine with. He’s never been good at small talk and he doesn’t think he wants to know what the hell is going on with you, your trespassing, or your excess of injuries. 

Or maybe he does. He shakes the thought out of his head. He’s going to get you examined at Teddy’s and send you on your way– he doesn’t have time for this shit. Not today. Today is supposed to be a normal day.

He parks in the one parking spot in front of the small, blue house that is the home to the practice of the one and only qualified doctor in town. 

Teddy is kind. You need someone kind, which is definitely not Joel.

He points to the building and motions with his chin to follow him. You stumble out of the car and do just that, putting most of your weight on your left leg as you walk. He offers an arm out to you, but you ignore him and push ahead.

He stomps up the porch steps behind you, kicking snow out of the tread of his boots before he steps inside.

The bell jingles loudly to signal your arrival, but he yells anyway, “Teddy!? You in here?”

A soft, raspy voice calls from the back, “One second!”

He turns to you with a, hopefully, calming smile. It feels more like a grimace than anything else on his stiff face.

“This is Doctor Theodora Taylor’s office. She’s gonna take a look at ya.”

Without warning, Teddy is next to him. Her voice makes him jump, but he tries to hide it behind a scoff. Her red-covered lips turn up into a smirk as she regards you.

“You can call me Teddy.” She holds out a hand to you. You hesitate before you grab her hand in yours for a weak handshake. He watches your muscles tense when you make contact with her, but the spasm goes away just as quickly as it came on.

Theodora Taylor is one of Joel’s only friends– her husband Jan is also included in that small number. She has thick, jet black, curly hair and skin so pale it’s a surprise to know that she goes outside at all. Her features are soft, lips always a vibrant red that makes her bright blue eyes pop. Voice raspy from a youth of defiant smoking, she is a calming force and a bright light.

“Follow me– exam room’s right over here.”

He follows behind you, because he has to. He has questions he’s supposed to ask and technically he needs to know if you need to go to court because of the trespassing, but there’s a part of him (the large majority, if he’s honest with himself) that just wants to send you to wherever you belong and leave you be. Bill can be convinced to drop the charges some way or another.

Teddy gives him no attention after her initial questioning of the situation and neither do you, surprisingly, as he plops down in one of the squeaky, teal, pleather chairs usually reserved for parents or significant others. It’s uncomfortably cold under his blue jeans. He’s sat in this chair a couple times before– one time when Ellie broke her leg a few years ago when she first started living with him, and a few times before and after that to evaluate drunks from the bar after they got into slurred fights resulting in, usually, minor injuries.

He watches Teddy go through the motions of listening to your lungs and taking your blood pressure. Joel isn’t a doctor, never claimed to be, so he doesn’t fully understand what’s going on, but she doesn’t look overly concerned as she peels the coat off your back and pulls your shirt up in the back to examine whatever injury is back there.

But when she puts a little too much pressure on your right leg, your whole body tightens and you gasp.

“Woah, what’s going on? I hurt you?”

You pause, evaluate (which he has quickly identified as a habit of yours), and pull your dress up higher on your thigh to reveal a nasty bruise that he hadn’t seen before. Black mixed with purple and dark hues of red over the entirety of your upper thigh. He has to stop himself from letting out the gasp that’s constricting the back of his throat.

Teddy’s dark eyebrows furrow for a split second before she cools her expression and looks up at you with gentle eyes.

“I’m sorry, hon, but I have to ask– where did those bruises come from?”

He watches your eyes flicker up to him and back down to your lap. Teddy takes the obvious hint, and so does he.

Something is very wrong.

“Joel, could you step out, please?”

He nods and pushes up out of the chair, “Yeah, ‘course.”

A grateful expression flashes over your face that he only catches for a second as he shuts the door behind him.

He knows he should be in there technically, to continue his evaluation, but it feels wrong to listen to you be vulnerable. He’s never really had a problem with it before– the child growing in you is probably the reason he feels the need to hide. Pregnant women make him think of her.

A few minutes pass as he sits in the quiet lobby– no one around to bother him or quiet his rampant thoughts. Just him, the open air with a distinct smell of hand sanitizer, and the muffled sounds of cars driving past.

He can see Teddy talking to you through the glass window on the top half of the door, that’s usually covered by a curtain, but it needs to be open in case you really are a danger to yourself or Teddy and she needs help restraining you. You look ashamed, embarrassed. Teddy just looks back at you while you talk, no emotions flashing over her face– just simply taking the information in. He wonders if it’s to keep you calm.

The front door slams open. The little bell attached to it slaps into the wood aggressively.

Maria almost sprints into the building; she looks disheveled, braids pulled back into a makeshift ponytail with a rubber band, eyes wide in a panic, still wearing her pink, flannel pyjama pants.

When she spots Joel sitting in one of the many chairs strewn in random places around the room, she lets out a puff of air and hunches over with her hands on her knees.

“Hey, we just heard–”

He nods and points to the windowed door, “Yeah, Teddy’s in there talking to her now.”

Tommy follows behind her. He looks just as out-of-breath as his wife from running after her.

“Why the fuck did we run here? Jesus Christ,” Tommy mutters to himself, pulling a hand through his hair while the other holds his tan stetson to his chest.

She clears her throat, ignoring Tommy as he walks in and keeping her attention on Joel, “How injured is she?”

“Not sure. She was walking fine, but her legs, Maria– they were covered in cuts and bruises.”

“Oh god,” she sighs and rubs a hand down her face, “Okay, I’ll go in there and talk to her. You two stay out here.”

They nod their heads to her like the loyal guard dogs they are.

Tommy flops his ass down in the chair next to Joel’s, slaps him on the thigh, and spreads his legs like a cowboy. Joel’s posture is ramrod straight, fingers intertwined in his lap. He can’t stop himself from bouncing his knee– the nervous energy in his brain spreading throughout his body. He is Tommy’s opposite as always. 

They watch the three of you through the small window cut out of the door. He can visibly see you calm down as Maria speaks to you in her usual confident and calming tone.

Tommy crosses his arms with a scowl on his face, “I recognize her.”

“How?”

“I– I’m not sure.”

Joel examines you for a second. You look upper class based on your outfit alone– expensive wool coat, gold jewelry. But those sad eyes– he could spot those sad eyes anywhere. He feels like a fool for not noticing it earlier.

“Betty’s funeral.”

Tommy points a finger at him, a grin spreading across his stubbled cheeks. “Yes! Yes, that’s it. She gave that speech.”

“She’s Betty’s granddaughter.”

A chill runs down his spine and all the way down to his toes.

Tommy slaps his knee in some show of triumph, “Oh man, that explains why she was at the cottage.”

Joel looks over at you again. He thinks he can see your eyes starting to water, so he shifts his gaze back over to his brother. He can’t bear to see your vulnerability; not like this, not again.

“Yeah… it does.”

Maria steps back out of the room and shuts the door behind her soft and slowly.

“Joel. I need to talk to you really quickly.”

She’s got that look, pinched eyebrows and lips downturned: the guilty look she gets when she asks him to watch their son, Benny.

“What? Is it a secret?”

She turns to Tommy with a glare, “Shut up, Thomas.”

Tommy throws his hands up in the air and widens his eyes in exaggeration.

Maria turns back to Joel, a disgruntled scowl covering her face. She and Tommy love each other– have for more years than he’s even lived here– but Tommy is the King of Maria’s annoyance. He knows just how to push her buttons, the ones that Joel wouldn’t dare to go near.

Joel nods, and follows her out to the porch. It’s cold, too cold to be outside.

“What,” he deadpans. Get it over with, he wants to spit out.

“I need you to take her in.”

No.

“Excuse me,” Joel blurts out, his mouth five steps ahead of his brain in shock.

Maria places her hands on her hips and rolls her deep brown eyes. Even in pyjama pants, she’s intimidating. 

“Joel, I highly doubt she will be any trouble to you. You’re barely home anyway.”

He can’t picture you in his space with your sullen expression and hollow eyes. The idea of anyone besides him or his family in his home makes him want to cringe.

“I’ve already got my hands full with Ellie. I don’t think taking on a huge responsibility like this is really in my job description.”

And, boy, does that ruffle Maria’s feathers. Her face drops even further than before.

“This ‘responsibility’ is a pregnant woman with no family, no home, and no job who needs immediate bedrest. She is extremely fragile right now and it’s best for her and her baby if she can keep her in to term. She just needs a place to relax, read a book, do some light chores– she’s not a teenage girl, she’s a grown woman who can take care of herself.

“And I don’t want to mention this, but I feel that I have to: she’s Betty’s granddaughter. You’re really not gonna give her and Betty’s great-granddaughter the best chance they have of living? After all she did for you?”

She gives him a pointed look; they both know she’s right. Her brutal honesty makes him uncomfortable, makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention.

Joel sighs, “Maria…”

Suddenly, he watches guilt take over her features again. “I know; I’m sorry. I just need you to really think before you say no to that woman in there.”

“I’m not… ‘m not saying no, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

She shakes her head and puffs out a breath of frustration, “Why?”

He doesn’t really know why. Call it a gut feeling, call it intuition, call it whatever you want– he doesn’t know why it’s a bad idea. He just does.

“I don’t know.”

Maria’s shoulders sag. “Just do it. Please.”

He feels himself giving in before he can even say the words. He folds like a cheap suit.

Hands held in the air in surrender, he replies, “Fine. Fine, okay.”

“Thank you,” she sighs out exasperatedly.

“Couldn’t I just… couldn’t I go live in my grandma’s house? Then I wouldn’t have to be anybody’s problem.”

Teddy shakes her head, a strand of her curly hair falling into her face, “Betty’s place is way too far from here. You need to be as close as possible to the clinic with how high-risk your pregnancy is. Joel lives two houses down from here and he has an extra bedroom. You wouldn’t be any kind of problem for him anyway.”

He shakes his head, “You wouldn’t be.”

He can tell you’re conflicted. Your eyes flit from his face, to Tommy’s, to Teddy’s, Maria’s, and then back to his. There’s a hint of something there in your irises– something that makes his skin crawl with the memory of when his own eyes looked as dull as yours. Grief. For what exactly, he doesn’t know, but it’s there.

“Okay,” you mumble, eyes going to your lap where your fingers are picking at your cuticles.

What has he gotten himself into?

“Okay,” Maria exclaims, “Good. Let’s let Teddy finish her exam– Joel, you stay with her until she’s done?”

He nods.

“Alright, let’s go, deputy.”

She waves a hand for Tommy to follow her.

His brother turns to you with an overly-confident smile and chuckles, “She’s embarrassed that if she admits she likes me that people might find out she has emotions. We’re married, y’know? You’d think people would’ve found out she’s not a robot by now.”

A small smile takes over your lips, barely reaching your eyes. There’s Tommy doing what he’s always been naturally good at– talking to people, making them feel comfortable and relaxed.

“Tommy,” Maria shouts from the entryway.

“Coming, wife!”

Joel doesn’t even have to see her to know that she’s rolling her eyes into the back of her head. She loves him to death, and so does he, but he’s always been a bit of a handful.

Teddy shakes her head amusedly as she listens to the tell-tale sound of the front door closing behind them.

She turns back to the room, with you in tow.

It’s another 20 minutes before Teddy comes back, but she’s alone. You’ve been left in the exam room by yourself.

Teddy flops into the chair next to him and lets out a heaving breath.

“She’s got a pretty large cut on her back that’s going to need the bandage changed at least once every day. So, I’ll be there every day around noon to change it until it’s healed, but if she starts to bleed through it, I’m gonna need you to help her do it. I assume you can do that?”

“Yeah.”

“She can walk on her own, but she just needs to keep that leg elevated and iced as much as possible– give it a couple weeks to heal up. Just keep an eye on her for me.”

“Okay.”

There’s an awkward pause. She won’t look at him, just stares off towards the large bay window that overlooks the snow-covered trees in front of them.

“Did she tell you what happened?”

She nods. Her face is emotionless. “Yes.”

“Do I get to know?”

Teddy purses her lips and shakes her head, “Not unless she tells you.”

Licking his lips, he nods back, “Okay.”

He tastes blood when he bites down on his bottom lip to rip a piece of dead, dry skin off. His tongue runs over the wound left behind– smooth, raw. He relishes the taste of the aftermath of his pain.

She looks over at him. “And, Joel?”

“Yeah?”

Her cool expression is replaced by concern– heavy, devastated concern. 

She lets out a long breath and mutters back to him, “Please be patient with her.”

“Yup.”

Joel cannot handle this conversation anymore. He needs to get out of here before he explodes. In what? Anger? Remorse? Pity? He doesn’t care; getting out of here is what he needs and he needs it now.

Pushing himself up makes his knees crack with the effort. The oncoming winter always makes him feel his age more than anything. He masks his pain as he always does with a practiced cough and a slap to the side of his thigh.

“Whelp, gonna get outta your hair, Teddy. Tell Di I said ‘hey’.”

She looks equally relieved to be ending this conversation with him, even more so with the mention of her toddler.

“I will. She misses you; you should come visit soon.”

“I’ll try.”

He probably won’t.

WIth a quick side hug and a goodbye from Teddy, he walks out of the waiting area and to where you’re sitting in the exam room.

“Let’s go,” he states, pointing a finger towards the front door.

He doesn’t wait around for you to follow. You catch up.

Once you get to the porch, you begin talking to him quietly, “You know, you really don’t have to do this.”

You’re shivering aggressively, whether it’s the cold or the effort it takes you to talk to him, he doesn’t know. He’s just realized that you left your bloody coat behind in the exam room.

He shucks off his duck jacket and holds it out to you. You stare down at his hand like it’s going to bite you and shake your head reluctantly.

“Well, Mayor says I gotta, so seems like I don’t really have much of a choice, do I,” he replies with a huff, walking down to the bottom of the porch steps before your voice stops him.

“You could’ve said ‘no’.”

Your face is stoic, but he can see the apology in your eyes. They’re very expressive, like you can’t help that you wear your heart in them. He wonders if you even know.

He shakes his head, “She's my sister-in-law, I could not have said no.”

No response comes from you as you pick up your aching feet and creep your way down the steps. Joel offers to help, but you sigh and send a glare in his direction. He backs off.

When you’re at his side finally, he points at his house– two houses down and across the street. It’s a small thing– but it works for him and Ellie, who spends most of her time in the garage anyways. He’s always wanted to paint the light grey-blue siding something more neutral, but he just never has the time nor the energy and there’s no way in hell he’ll hire someone else to do it. Someday.

You fall into step beside him, heels of your boots clacking on the cracking concrete of the sidewalk.

The sweater dress you’re wearing looks comfortable, but the tights don’t look very warm and the large stain on the back of it must be freezing. His house is right there; he’ll let you borrow something of his while he goes to grab your bags from Betty’s.

You speak up again, arms crossed and hands shoved into your armpits.

“Tommy's your brother?”

“Yup.”

“Apple fell very far from the tree.”

He huffs, “Not really a talker.”

“No shit.”

You’re being brave. He can tell you’re nervous, but you’re trying your best to hold a conversation and that’s pretty fucking brave to him.

“Thank you,” you mutter through an exhale. Your breath is visible in the early morning air.

“Don’t gotta thank me. Just doin’ my job.”

“Thank you for doing your job, then.”

He doesn’t like being thanked. It makes him uncomfortable, rattles his bones. But he’s not going to ignore you when you’re being vulnerable– that would make him even more uncomfortable.

“No problem.”

A high-pitched voice screams across the road, “Joel!”

You both watch as Ellie runs down the street, her arms waving above her head like a lunatic, sneakers screeching because of the drag of her feet. The child has no decorum or manners. 

He drops his forehead into his hand.

When she gets to the two of you, she leans over with both hands on her bent knees, breathing heavily. She takes a moment to recover. Joel spares a glance in your direction, but you’re no longer beside him. He catches a sliver of your hair as it whips behind him.

Ellie’s gonna be the death of him, probably you too if you scare this easily.

“Can I go over to Dina’s?”

His hands settle on his hips in his most “I’m not fucking around” pose, “No, kid. I gotta talk to you about somethin’. Go home.”

“What? Dude!”

“Don’t ‘dude’ me. Go,” he points to the house and leaves it at that.

She turns and stomps her way to the house with her arms crossed and a sour look on her face, “Ugh! Whatever, asshole.”

He loves her and he would travel to the ends of the earth for her; but it’s moments like these where sometimes he wished he was a little harder on her. Maybe she wouldn’t scream swear words in the middle of the street. He doubts it.

“Who was that?”

Joel clears his throat, “Uh, that's my kid.”

Your eyebrows furrow, expressing the most you have the entire morning, “You have a kid?”

It’s accusatory– the emphasis on the ‘you’. He can feel himself bristle with something at the accusation that he wouldn’t be capable of caring for a child. What is it about him that makes you think he wouldn’t have a kid?

You’re right. She’s not his. But he had a child. A long time ago.

He huffs through a dry chuckle, “Well, she’s not technically mine— but she lives with me and I feed her, so she’s my problem.”

“Whose is she?” Your eyes flick across the street to Ellie and then back to him.

He can’t help the sigh that leaves his lips.

“A friend’s. She passed away a few years ago and she didn’t have any family, so…”

Your face shifts with pity, forehead wrinkled and eyes wide, “Oh, I'm so sorry.”

He’s used to the pity– the stares, the muttered sorrys. He doesn’t want it from anyone, but he especially doesn’t want it from complete strangers like you.

“It’s alright. She was my daughter’s friend more than mine, but when she got sick, I agreed to take care of her kid.”

“Oh, you have a daughter?”

He feels the grief rip through his chest like he always does when someone mentions her. But you don’t know what happened like everyone else in this town does, so he’s not going to get irritable with you like he would with other people. Besides, you don’t need Joel to be an asshole to you when you’re supposed to be on bed rest.

He hesitates, “Yeah.”

Your eyes search his face– for what, he doesn’t know. But whatever you’re looking for, he thinks you’ve found it as you move the conversation on from her and onto Ellie’s frame as she slams the front door shut so loudly that the entire street can probably hear it. He thanks his face for conveying how desperately he does not want to talk with you about Sarah.

“What’s her name?” You point in the direction that the teenager went.

“Ellie.” 

He shifts his stance, ready to restart your short walk to his house when you speak up.

“She seems like a good kid.”

He lets out a breath of amusement, “She's the best. Has a very colorful vocabulary though.”

You shrug, “Eh, she’s a teenager. I was a lot worse than her at that age.”

“Oh, really?” He’s not sure if this is surprising information or not. He’s having a hard time getting a read on you– and that’s a big part of his job, to read people. It feels wrong that he can’t figure you out.

“Yeah. I could’ve won some kind of award– ‘Worst Daughter In The World’. I would’ve deserved it too,” you huff.

He hums in acknowledgement. He doesn’t want you to feel like he’s ignoring you; he just doesn’t know what the hell to say to that. That you did deserve it? He wouldn’t know.

“It’s why my parents used to ship me off to my grandmother’s. ‘Grandma knows how to handle you’, they’d say. Really, I just liked her a lot more than them.”

He gets that. He really gets that.

“Well, I ain’t got nowhere to ship Ellie to. She’s stuck with me whether she likes it or not.”

You hum, “I think she likes it.”

He chuckles, “And you can tell that from a thirty-second argument?”

You look up at him with a burgeoning smile on your face, “She wouldn’t have listened to you if she didn’t like you– trust me.”

Trust me.

“Whatever you say, ma’am.”

You nod resolutely.

It’s silent the thirty seconds it takes to walk the rest of the way to Joel’s. 

He shows you around the house and watches you as you map out his home in your head. You pay extra attention to the exits and the windows. Joel catches the way you stare longingly at the kitchen from the entryway.

When he walks up the stairs to show you the bedrooms, you lag behind. But he doesn’t notice until he’s already at the top of the stairs and he doesn’t hear your footsteps anymore. You’re staring at a picture on the wall. It’s of Sarah. 

You don’t say anything. Just stare. He can’t get himself to say anything either.

One breath, two breaths. And you look up at him with something in your eyes that he can’t quite identify; it’s soft, but not pity. Understanding, maybe.

You walk up the rest of the stairs, holding tight to the banister. There’s a slight twitch in your lip when you put weight on your bad leg. He offers to help you, but you just shake your head.

He points out the upstairs bathroom, his room, and then guides you to the guest bedroom that’s been gathering dust for a while now. It used to be Ellie’s, but ever since she’d moved into the garage, it’s been empty. He’d renovated it on the very off chance that one of his relatives came to visit, but it’s stood empty for almost two years, so he doesn’t find himself opening the door very often.

“This’ll be your room. It’s not much, but it’s enough to get you through until you get that baby out of you.”

It’s a small room, enough to comfortably hold a double-bed, a couple side tables, and a dresser. The closet door stands ajar in the corner, full of Christmas decorations. He’s going to have to take those out– find somewhere else for them. Maybe Tommy has room in his basement–

“Okay,” you mumble, “Thank you.”

Your heels click on the hardwood floor in even beats as you walk into the room. Your evaluating eye examines the bed when you approach it. You swipe at a spot on the blanket and the dust jumps and sails through the air, illuminated by the sunlight. Once you’ve decided it’s good enough, you sit down slowly, a hand planted on the mattress behind you as you lower yourself.

Maria had said you were six months pregnant. He remembers how miserable Sarah’s mom had been at this time in her pregnancy. The memory makes him want to puke.

“I know it’s none of my business—“

You glower at him, “Yup. I would say that too.”

“But, whatever brought you here— I hope we can help you. You just let me know if you need anything.”

You soften a little, but the glare remains. “Okay.”

“You ain’t a talker either?”

The both of you know he isn’t talking about “talking”. Emotional vulnerability isn’t a strong suit of his, and it is very clearly not one of yours either.

“Nope.”

He nods, turns, and walks out the door.

Ellie is strong. You don’t lose your mom at thirteen and not have massive amounts of strength afterwards. But she is an expert pouter.

When Joel creeks open the garage door, Ellie is face down on her bed, limbs spread out beneath her. A punk song plays over her speaker that makes Joel’s ear drums pop. Even with the hearing loss in his right ear, he can feel his teeth rattling.

He walks over to the blasting stereo and turns it off.

Her head whips up to pierce him with a death glare, “What the fuck?!”

“Can’t hear myself think with that shit on.”

She mumbles something in her pillow, probably some egregious swear word or some insult related to his age, but he lets her get away with it. Your words come back to him– she wouldn’t listen to him if she really didn’t like him. He’s not patient with most people, but he tries to be for her.

He lowers himself on her bed with a grunt.

“She’s gonna be living with us until her baby comes.”

She hums into her pillow and stuffs her face even further into it.

Joel sighs, “What are you thinking, kid? I’m sorry you didn’t get much of a choice.”

Her voice is muffled as she responds, “Well, what does it matter what I think? You would’ve done it anyway.”

His eyebrows furrow, “What makes you think that?”

“Dina heard she was Betty’s grandkid. Is that true?”

He has no doubt that Dina already knows; she loves to harass Maria when she thinks something is going on and he’s sure that Ellie has been texting Dina since she was forced to go home. 

He nods reluctantly. Joel is sure that as soon as he leaves the room, the stereo will be back on and her phone will be in her hands.

“Exactly. You would not have said ‘no’ to her.”

He sputters, “I’m very capable of sayin’ ‘no’.”

She shakes her head and flips over onto her back, “Not when Betty’s involved.”

He huffs, a small smile on his lips, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

He doesn’t hear the knock on the front door, but Ellie does.

“There’s someone at the door, old man.”

Joel sends a glare in her direction and hoists himself up and off her bed.

He walks to her door, but she interrupts him, “Hey, Joel?”

“Yeah, kid,” he huffs.

Her joking smirk has fallen off her face and a rare seriousness replaces it.

“I’m okay with it, by the way… with her staying. Don’t worry about it.”

All he does is nod. She mocks him with an equally gruff nod.

“We’re not done talkin’ about this; there’s gonna be some new rules around here,” he states.

Ellie throws her limbs up into the air and waves them around erratically, “Whatever! Get out of here so I can sulk!”

The door closes softly behind him and his quiet chuckle.

Opening the front door reveals Mrs. Cassini, his neighbor and the town gossip. 

Her grey hair is in tight, pink curlers and she has a half-done knitting project in her hands, like she’d gotten up in a hurry. There’s little footsteps in the snow in a path from her porch, through his yard, and up to his own porch; her purple slippers are so soaked that they look like a completely different color.

She leaves no time for pleasantries.

“I hear you’ve got a pregnant, homeless woman living in your house.”

It’s gotten to a point where he doesn’t even question how she hears things anymore. He heard a rumor a long time ago from one of their other neighbors that somehow her landline picked up other people’s phone calls. He stopped using his landline after that.

He can’t help the breath of frustration that puffs out of his mouth, “Mrs. Cassini, go home, please. She doesn’t need you spreadin’ rumors about her. She’s already stressed enough as it is.”

Her eyes widen. 

She gasps, “So, it’s true?”

Well, it was going to be confirmed at some point. Guess that point is right now.

“Mrs. Cassini, please go home.”

She huffs like a child, turns on her heel, and walks back to her little cottage next door. He needs to get some sort of security system in his house, specifically for this woman and her unexpected visits.

He hears footsteps scurry up the stairs when he turns around to go back into the house. 

Well, shit.

Joel hadn’t heard the bedroom door open nor had he heard your footsteps as you came out. Mrs. Cassini always knew the worst times to show up, didn’t she?

He approaches the bottom of the stairwell and calls out to you as calmly as he can, “I assume you heard that?”

A tiny gasp comes from the top of the stairs and your feet come into view. You step down a couple stairs and sit yourself down carefully on the plush carpet.

You nod.

“I’m sorry. She’s just kinda like that. Town gossip and all.”

You shrug, stiff and dejected.

“I get it. Weird pregnant girl shows up and everyone’s gotta know what’s wrong with her.”

“Well, it’s none of their business. I’ll just keep turnin’ ‘em away.”

You grab your knees like a kid who’s in timeout. Why do you always look like you’re about to be reprimanded– like you have to protect yourself from some unseen force? He suspects he might look that way too sometimes.

“Thank you. For telling her to go away.”

He hums, hands awkwardly stuffed in his pockets.

“Well, uh, I gotta go back to work, but don’t worry about Bill– I’ll get him to drop the charges on you.”

“Oh, okay.” You nod with a faraway look in your eye, hands coming up to your stomach almost instinctively.And he leaves, hops into his ancient, blue pickup truck, and puts it into drive. What happened to his normal fucking day?

series masterlist | joel masterlist | masterlist of all masterlists

[bimboficationblues]

End of Year Book Report

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson: rules, worthy of an insane effortpost but I want to read the other two first.

Minima Moralia by Theodor Adorno: one of the great works of theory and literature of the 20th century. reading it as a conventional philosophy text - that is trying to persuade or unfold a systemic argument - seems wrongheaded to me, not just because of the aphorism form but because as the text unfolds, it becomes clear that Adorno is wrestling with not just a description of the political and economic situation of modernity in the wake of fascism and the Shoah, but himself. he is digging into his subjectivity as a person who has been deeply wounded over and over by life, his sense of complicity as an intellectual and a refugee and a subject of capitalist modernity, his survivor's guilt, his sense that all the good in the world has betrayed and destroyed itself for nothing, balanced against a lingering, earnest utopianism. it is raw and honest in a way that is sometimes unflattering and often challenging, but just as often compelling.

Moby Dick by Herman Melville: rules. it's so awesome that there was just a Calvinist in the 19th century who happened to write a postmodernist novel. I think the first two thirds are strongest. once it gets to the section where the crew just keeps encountering different ships and their respective crews, it didn't grip me as much - chiefly because Ishmael's very distinct voice becomes more reserved in his commentary - but the ending is quite strong.

Robespierre: A Revolutionary Life: a very good biography! pretty even-keeled and neutral-positive on its subject, and does a good job of portraying how a variety of people can both love and despise the guy personally and politically. ultimately I came away with a mix of admiration and disappointment. it's easy to read Robespierre as teleologically determined towards his particular end - indeed, this is how literally all of his enemies and critics talk about him - but I think McPhee does a good job of depicting the historical contingencies AND specific values that led Robespierre to make increasingly compromised or ill-conceived political decisions. definitely not a pop-history biography, it really plunges you into the material - which I think was fine for me after taking a lot of notes on the F.Rev for months, but might make it a tough introductory rec.

Normal People: I know this was bigger (and contentious) a while back, but I decided to pick it up because of the author's recent writings on Palestine which I thought were incredibly forceful. It's good! I think the characterizations I'd seen of it as just boring rich people with no problems talking about literature were completely unfair and inaccurate. it was definitely a triggering book for me, not sure I'd be able to read it again, but that was also kind of a resonant quality about it - as a person who has been romantically entangled with abused people and had complicated feelings about that, it really landed. It's sort of like, intellectualized schlock, but I mean that positively - but that does mean it has it moments where the schlock pokes through (most notably the resolution). also the anti-BDSM digression is kind of an eyeroll but I also kind of get it.

Climate Leviathan: this was interesting! like a lot of Verso books it’s a little bit of a make-work project, the authors’ previous essays given book-like form, but the essays are generally good. sobering stuff (the book “Climate Wars” sounds like it has a similar thrust) about the coming shifts in the security state in defense of capitalist civilization and order, positing a supranational (or quasi-supranational, more likely) body that will assume the role of determining which parts of the world receive the bulk of the warming mitigation strategies like geoengineering - assuming we don’t all collapse into fascist localism. It does have some weird pointless digressions, but I thought it still had a lot to say.

Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel: it's okay. I was very engrossed in the melodrama and the non-linear structure, weaving back and forth between the pre-apocalypse and post-apocalypse. but the ending is really schmaltzy which soured me on it.

The Theory of Moral Sentiments by Adam Smith: this book sucks, someone in my reading group (possibly edwad) described Smith as a "summarizer" and that's basically correct, he's just cobbling together completely inconsistent positions from a variety of sources (Hobbes, Aristotle, Hume, Grotius, etc). only really interesting as like an artifact of bourgeois thought and the rhetoric of political economy, which sees property as the method by which to encourage civility and propriety. this book honestly makes me kind of mad.

Books I Started But Haven't Finished

Cassandra's Daughter by Joseph Schwartz: really interesting piece of intellectual history about the development of psychoanalytic theory, primarily from the clinical angle. contextualizes Freud in the broader Viennese political and cultural milieu with some fascinating details I never came upon elsewhere, like the extensive network of socialists and feminists who were connected to Freud and his earliest patients. I bailed to this after briefly reading Marshall and Black's "Freud and Beyond" because that ended up being more of like a summary of major psychoanalytic concepts, which was not what I wanted. I've only read a few chapters but am hoping to pick it back up in the new year.

The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith: definitely more tolerable and worthwhile than Theory of Moral Sentiments but Smith is such an annoying doofus it killed my reading group for months.

Capital, Vol I by Karl Marx: I am really enjoying going through the new translation with a group. I think the introductory materials and scholarly additions in the endnotes are incredibly strong and the translation achieves its goal, in my opinion, of making the book overall more readable while simultaneously making some of the more complex ideas (particularly around the value-form) more alienating in a way that invites you to wrestle with it rather than be overwhelmed.

Mort by Terry Pratchett: frequently laugh-out-loud funny. the story itself is a little twee for my liking but I can't say I am not enjoying it. just need a free afternoon to tear through the second half.

[creepycranberry]

Big Black Car- 2

Rafe Cameron X Maybank!Reader

1

Warnings: slow burn, L*ke, topper is very much noncanon compliant (he’s like a mix of topper and Austin’s character in IDDI), alcohol, abuse, parental death, not proofread, kook/pogue bullshit, swearing, w*rd, let me know about anything else.

Extra TW for violence and abuse in this chapter

____________

Luke’s working at the garage today, so you’re cleaning the house and restocking the fridge.

He can pay for his beer, you’re not even touching that shit, but you pay for most everything else. The only thing he really covers is his drinking habit, the utility bill and sometimes necessary maintenance.

Other than that his money is his money and your money is y’all’s money.

You’re cleaning the ceiling fan when a loud knock at the door makes you jump and almost fall off of your step stool.

You open the door only to be faced with your father, who looks to be fuming.

“Why the hell weren’t you at work Saturday?

“I took a day off, why does it matter to you?” You say, backing up a little.

“We need that money, kid!”

“Well maybe if you wouldn’t spend all of your fucking money on alcohol and actually paid attention to your responsibilities instead of being blacked the fuck out all the time We would h-“

Your head is turned by blunt force and your eyes water as your cheeks sting.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that you ungrateful bitch!” He yells and you flinch.

“What do I have to be ungrateful for that I'm not providing for myself?” You retort.

This time you see it coming, moving at the last second to deliver A swift punch to his jaw.

He recovers fast and sends a swift punch to your stomach that knocks the air out of your lungs. And then you’re on the floor when you’re met with a boot to the face

“You fucking bastard! I work so hard for you and you’re not even my fucking daughter you entitled bitch!” He yells, making his way down the hall to your room.

Your room is nothing special, just your bed, a dresser, and a few boxes with stuff in them.

He grabs a box and walks towards the front door, throwing the box in the yard.

“Dad, what are you doing?” You yell, holding your T-shirt over your nose.

“You’re nineteen, find your own damned place to live! Quit mooching off of me you shithead.”

He goes for another box but you close the bedroom door, locking it as he yells from the other side, you grab a large tote bag and shove whatever clothes you can into it before stacking the boxes.

You wait until you can’t hear Luke screaming anymore.

You can’t breathe because of your nose, which isn’t bleeding as heavily anymore, but is still bleeding plenty, and you have a killer headache.

Your shoulder and stomach ache, your cheek stings and it hurts to move your jaw too much.

All of the pain hits you at once and you take a deep breath before attempting to stand, you grab all of your stuff slowly and quickly make your way out to your car, shoving all of the boxes in the back, including the one Luke threw into the yard.

You’re on your way to the Carreras when you see Rafe, walking down the street while you’re stuck at a stop light.

You’ve seen him once since Saturday and he barely acknowledged you.

He doesn’t see you at first and you look away in hopes that will make him less likely to see you at all but it doesn’t. Instead when he sees you his eyebrows lift in surprise and then go back down in what almost looks like concern.

You just keep driving.

when you get to the Carreras Topper is already sitting on the porch, waiting for you.

“Maybank! what the hell happened to you?” He asks, standing up and holding your face still to get a good look, avoiding the bruised areas.

“My dad-” you just start crying.

It’s embarrassing, and it makes your stomach hurt even more but you can’t help it.

Topper rests his hands on your hip and you hiss in pain, practically jumping out of his reach.

Topper moves your shirt up to reveal a big bruise on your ribs.

“This fucking…” Topper trails off and wipes the tears from your face, “it’s gonna be alright. Okay, you tell me when you can, for right now just tell me where it hurts and we’ll get you fixed up. Alright?”

You nod and he leads you to the front door, you fumble with the key for a moment before he takes it from you.

You look around as he unlocks the door and for a split second you see Rafe in the Passenger seat of Topper's car.

You’re shaking, you're not sure when you started shaking but as topper leads you to the couch you look down at your shirt to see the blood and remember that your face and clothes are probably covered in blood.

Topper crouches in front of you, taking in your messy appearance.

“Where does it hurt?” He asks again.

“My uh, my nose,”

“Yeah, no shit.” He smiles.

You return his smile and begin to point to where you can feel the pain.

Topper goes to the freezer and looks for anything to act like an ice pack.

He comes back with a few packages of frozen vegetables. He helps you lie down on the couch before placing the ice packs in their respective areas.

“Where’s the first aid kit here?” He asks and you tell him before you hear your phone ringing.

When you answer it you hear Mr. Carreras voice.

“Hey, Is everything alright? We just got an alert from the security company-“

“Crap, the alarm. Uh, everything is fine I just, I’m in a bit of pain right now and I was kind of just focused on getting an ice pack. I’ll put in the code really quick though.”

“Alright sweetie, call us if you need something.”

You say goodbye and hang up the phone, ignoring the pain in your stomach as you attempt to stand.

“What the hell are you doing?” A low voice at the door asks and you look up to see rafe, leaning against the door frame.

“We set off the security alarm, I have to put in the code to-“

“What’s the code?”

“I’ve gotta do it, Mrs-”

“Maybank, what’s the code?” He says it slow, punctuating each word lightly.

“I’m not giving you the security code to someone else’s house.”

“just give me the damned code and then sit on that damned couch with your ice packs. Alright?”

You cautiously stare at him for a moment before sitting on the couch and putting a package of frozen peaches to your cheek and nose, “102004.”

“Thanks, peaches.” He comments sarcastically and puts the code into the small keypad by the door.

You don’t say anything.

Topper comes back down the stairs with a first aid kit, and a new shirt from your bag.

He looks from you to Rafe and then back again, “everything okay in here?”

“Everything’s fine, Top.” Rafe says, sitting on the other end of the couch.

Topper cleans the blood from your face and neck, then puts a bandage on your nose and hands you back the bag of frozen peaches.

“Um, I need you to take your uh-” Topper stutters. Topper was big on boundaries with you, always being extra careful about your comfortability, even when it was inconvenient.

“He needs you to strip so he can check out the injuries on your torso.” Rafe says, point blank.

Topper gives him a “what the fuck, man?” Look but you just take off your shirt, revealing a black sports bra and a big ass bruise over the right side of your rib cage.

“Jesus, what did that sick son of a bitch do to you?” Rafe exclaims and Topper gives him a look again.

“Took out his anger on me and then kicked me out. Used the whole ‘You're not my daughter anyway’ card and then threw my stuff out into the yard.” You shrug, “it’s fine though, let’s see him try and pay for all his bills and groceries on his own.”

Rafe and Topper go quiet.

“You’re not his daughter?” Rafe asks after a minute.

“Legally I am, not biologically though.” You shrug.

“Whose kid are you then?”

“Joel Morgan.”

“Wasn’t he a Kook though?” Rafe asks and you nod.

“He decided to slum it with my mom at some point. I ended up coming along, but my mom was with JJ’s dad by that point. So he raised me for the first few years of my life, and then he died, I got sent to live with JJs dad, my mom was long gone by then and now here we are.” You explain, giving him the short version.

“And that’s why you went to our school?” Rafe asks and You nod, “wait but wouldn’t he have left like a trust to you or something?”

“He did. had an account to pay for all my schooling too. Only problem is I don’t get access to that trust or my inheritance until I’m twenty five, so until then I’m stuck doing this all on my own.”

The boys stay quiet, topper makes sure that your ribs aren’t broken or anything.

“Well you look alright, just keep ice on them and after your done house sitting if you need a place to stay, my place is always there, my parents love you I’m sure they’d be thrilled to have you-“

“Thanks Topper, but I can deal with it on my own. I have enough saved that four months worth of pay should be able to cover a small apartment. Probably on the cut, in the projects but it’d be better than nothing and definitely better than mooching off of you I-“

“You wouldn’t be mooching-“

“I don’t want to be a burden or cause problems, Topper. I can make it just fine on my own until my trust kicks in.”

“Fine but if you ever need anything, I’d be more than happy to help you.”

You just nod, “thanks for the help.”

“Anytime.”

•~•~•~•~•~

The Carreras get home today so You’re cleaning up again, restocking the fridge, and then changing into work clothes.

You take orders at the counter, sending them off to the kitchen and then handing them out to customers, along with ringing in to-go orders.

You're working a double shift today, trying to make up for the Saturday you missed.

“Hello! Waitress! Could I get a- what the hell happened to you?”

“I don’t think we have that on the menu JJ. Could I get you anything else?”

“Okay, what the fuck?” JJ exclaims, getting up off his stool and going behind the bar, despite the other servers protests, “what happened?”

“Luke kicked me out.” You shrug.

You haven’t seen JJ in the last week or so, he’s been at John B’s, avoiding our father as per usual.

“What?”

“Mhm. I have to figure out a place to stay by the end of the day.”

“Just stay with John B like I am.” JJ shrugs.

“John B is helping us out enough.” You shake your head, refilling a napkin container.

“Well then where will you go? You’re too stubborn to let anyone give you handouts.”

“I’ll figure it out, now, do you need anything to eat? When was the last time you drank some water? You better not just be drinking beer over there.”

“Geez, chill Hermana, me and John B are just fine. You worry about yourself for once. Got it?”

“Sure, fine, whatever.”

“I will take an order of fries though.” You sigh and give him a look before turning around to give the order to the kitchen, “thank you, I love you, you’re the best, extra ketchup please.”

•••

You’re napping in your car after work when violent tapping on the car window wakes you up. You jump and reach into the passenger seat for your keys before realizing that it’s just Topper.

“The Carreras are back.” He says.

“And the sun is up.” You respond, rubbing your eyes.

“Where are you staying?”

“Don’t w-“

“Cause I’m not gonna just let you live in your car. Stop being stubborn and come stay at my place.”

“Topper, it’s kind of you to offer but I really can’t.” You insist, tired of having the same argument with him over and over.

“Just take the fucking offer.” You hear a rough voice behind topper say.

“Rafe I’m not gonna take a handout-“

“It isn’t a handout. It’s a friend looking out for a friend. Fucking hell, just let him do something for you for once. I’m sick of listening to him complain and I’m sick of listening to you two having the same argument over and over. Goddamnit.” Rafe exclaims and you mull it over.

“I’ll pay rent.”

“My parents won’t let you. At most they’ll let you pay for your own necessities but that’s it.” Topper says and you sigh.

“Fine.”

“Fucking finally.” Rafe exclaims and Topper glares at him. You can’t help but laugh a little, which causes Topper to glare at you.

When you look back to Rafe his face is set in a relaxed expression, he’s beginning to look weirdly comfortable when you see him now.

“Need a ride home?” You offer to the both of them and Topper opens the passenger door and Rafe Huffs as he takes residence in the back seat.

When you get to Toppers house his mom is in the front, standing to her flower beds. They were the one things she didn’t let her staff handle.

When you get out of your car she begins to smile before her expression turns to concerned. She turns her attention to her son, “what happened to her?”

“Not my story to tell but she has no where else to stay so I-“

“She's staying here.” His mother says, meeting your eyes. It’s not a question, it’s an order to you.

Topper's mothers family was close with your fathers. You and Topper had known each other at a young age. After your father died and you moved to Luke’s you only saw each other at school. And for a few years that was it, and then Topper turned fourteen and his parents no longer required him to stay closer to their home and he would pick you up from your house on weekends while JJ was at John B’s. You would ride on the pegs on his bike wheels down to the marina and the two of you would hang out until he would have to take you back home.

His mother hated Luke, not just because he was a pogue but because she didn’t think he was fit to be a father. She was wrong for a while and then she wasn’t.

“Yes ma'am.” You smile and she nods.

“Show her to the guest room.” She says, returning her attention to her flower beds and effectively dismissing the three of you.

Topper leads the way and Rafe follows closely behind you. You reach the room next door to Toppers and he opens the door, setting one of your boxes on the floor by the bed.

“This is where you’ll be living, our bathroom is connected, we can go grab toiletries later if you need, towels are in the cabinet above the toilet, toilet paper is under the sink etcetera, etcetera.” Topper smiles and you stand in the middle of the room awkwardly, “you okay?”

“Yeah I uh, it’s just new.”

Topper nods and leads you through the bathroom to his room. You had spent some amount of time here in middle school. You would come over and rant to Topper about work shit, ignoring him when he offered you money.

Topper flops onto the bed and you sit in the desk chair, spinning around. Rafe sits on the bench at the foot of the bed, his eyes trained on your nose.

“Does it still hurt?” He asks you.

His sincerity almost shocks you, “only when I remember it’s there.”

“Sorry.” He mumbles.

“It was polite of you to ask.” You offer him and he nods before training his eyes on the floor.

“What did Mr. Carrera say?” Topper breaks the silence.

“He uh- he didn’t really say anything to me about it. He slipped a hundred into my tips though.” You smile as best you can, “he did tell Kie to ask JJ about it though.”

“He hates JJ.” Top comments.

“That doesn’t really matter when it comes to JJ or me actually surviving.”

“I think Mom will probably kill him if she sees him around.” Topper smiles and you nod.

“Seems like a safe bet.”

Rafe looks severely uncomfortable when he speaks next, “I’m kinda bored. I might just head out.” It’s directed at Topper but he’s looking at you.

“You sure, man?” Top asks and rafe nods.

“Yeah, wheezies been having a hard time in her English class and dad and Rose are out of town so I’ll probably have to help her with that.” He says, getting up and heading for the door, stopping to turn to you, “I’ll have Sarah let JJ know where you’re at.”

“Thank you, Rafe.”

“No problem, peaches” he says as he heads down the hall.

“I really hope that nickname doesn’t stick.”

[peachhcs]

okay i would love to explore more of grace and sammy’s relationship!! i feel like her life is pretty testosterone filled so i’m sure samy always appreciated grace’s advice and support <3

HAHA “pretty testosterone filled” is soo funny but soo real poor girl didn’t know anything else but being around boys which is why she really loved having grace there in the summers and holidays :)

i feel like i don’t talk about their relationship as much so i’m glad someone brings it up!! she’s very big sister core, even to quinn and jack even though she was younger than them she still acted like an older sister to them which was always funny.

but yes!!! she definitely goes to grace for boy advice, talking about her first time ever with a guy when she was 16, advice about will, advice about college, etc. etc. (p.s. i’m going back to school soon 😔 so that’s why i’ve been posting so much and grinding these requests out bc i know i’m gonna be super busy when i start college again)

au masterlist

“so how’s that one guy..what’s his name? tyler?” grace asked the younger girl when it was just the two of them in the kitchen one morning because the boys went golfing.

samy flushed, “he’s good.”

“you’re blushing. it must be good,” the blonde teased when she saw samy’s pink cheeks. the brunette quickly brushed the comment off and shrugged.

“he’s nice and i like hanging out with him,” the girl said briefly.

“you guys have been hanging out a lot this summer..” grace wiggled her eyebrows to imply something that made the youngest hughes’ cheeks flush even more as she quickly hid her face.

“we just watch movies,” the girl mumbled.

“yeah, watch movies. i���ve definitely heard that one before,” grace couldn’t help but laugh because she’s used that so many times on her mom when she left to hang out with a boy.

“okay, we just make out and..sometimes we take our shirts off..and then sometimes he takes his pants off..ALL consensual of course,” samy’s blush burned to her ears talking about this in the open space of her kitchen where her parents could walk in at any second. grace quickly poked her arm though.

“okay, i see you. you’re getting in there,” grace grinned.

“ew, stop. do not say that to me,” the brunette cringed.

“okay, sorry, sorry. do you think you’ll take it to the next step?” grace genuinely wondered and samy shrugged. “i mean, i dunno.. maybe? i think we want to? i’ve just never..like..done that before,” the younger girl’s face burned again.

“that’s okay. the first time never has to be perfect. you just go with what you’re comfortable with and let the rest just kind of play out, you know?”

“what if hurts? or what if i bleed though?” the girl cringed again and ducked her head around looking for any indication that her mom was near.

“it’s relatively normal for it to hurt the first time, but once you get going the pleasure will kind of overtake the pain. if it keeps hurting though, don’t force yourself to keep going. bleeding is also normal too,” grace wasn’t a huge expert, but she knew a thing or two and hoped what she was telling samy was helpful.

“what was your first time like?” the younger girl’s couldn’t help but ask. she’d never ask her brothers any of this stuff, so she felt like having grace was her only chance to ask and asking her mom was just way out of the question.

“i was seventeen, so around your age. it was with that guy i was with, remember griffin?” samy nodded. “we were in his basement and we started making out and then we both were ready so..we just did it? it didn’t last that long, but we both enjoyed it,” grace explained.

“woah, griffin was your first time? i remember him. he was cool,” samy thought back to three years ago when griffin would be at thanksgiving and christmas.

“yeah, he was cool.”

“why’d you guys break up again?”

“we were just heading in different directions i guess and didn’t wanna hold each other back,” the older blonde shrugged some.

“would you ever think about..getting back together with him?” amicable breakups were always so hard sometimes.

“uh..i don’t know. i haven’t really talked to him awhile. plus, we’re talking about you, not me,” grace flushed and spun the conversation back to samy.

“i’m just scared i might regret having sex with him, but i really like him,” samy’s head fell into her hand and she sighed.

“well, don’t do anything that you aren’t 100% sure about. maybe just let things happen and if it starts happening and you don’t like it, you can always say no.”

“right, yeah. i guess that makes sense,” the brunette mumbled and grace reached forward to squeeze her arm.

“you’re so grown up, wow. i wish you were still six,” that made both girls laugh.

—

as soon as samy hung up the phone with her brothers, she immediately called grace hoping the older girl wasn’t busy. it rang almost four times before the call connected, “hey?”

“hey, gracie. sorry, am i bothering you?” samy worried she caught the older girl at a bad time based on the outside noise she could hear through the call.

“no, no. what’s up?” the background noise faded and samy guessed she was stepping somewhere more quieter.

“i just..i need some advice,” the brunette bit her lip as she toyed with the ends of her shirt.

“okay, what’s up?”

samy took in a deep breath before laying out everything she just did with her brothers a minute ago about how much of a hard time she was having with deciding on where to go to college and who’d she possibly disappoint if she picked one school over the other. grace listened silently until samy was finished and blew out a long sigh.

“wow,” grace said first.

“yeah, wow.”

“well, what do you want, sam?”

“that’s the problem, i don’t know,” the brunette groaned, falling back onto her bed.

“have you weighed pros and cons?” grace wondered.

“i’ve done about everything under the sun and i still can’t make a decision. going to mich would keep me close to home, but going to boston would give me a new perspective i don’t see a lot, you know? plus, i’d be with will and all of them.”

“well, you know my brother is gonna support you whenever you go. he wants you to be happy, samy. i know your brothers want the same and so do your parents. what do the soccer programs look like?” the youngest hughes blushed hearing grace tell her how happy will would be for her no matter what.

“they’re both really great. i mean, great as in i love the team atmosphere and the coaches. the programs could be worked on,” the brunette shrugged.

“i think you should go where your heart leads you. you’d have a lot of support wherever you choose because of my parents in boston and your parents in michigan,” grace said softly and samy rubbed a frustrated hand over her face.

“i know it’s a given how you chose, but can you tell me besides your family legacy what made you choose boston?”

“i guess..i just really liked the values boston college had. i loved how the campus looked and even though it is a fairly big school, i still felt a very strong community within it and i just knew i could picture myself here for four more years even though i literally grew up here,” the older blonde laughed a bit. “i guess you just gotta pick the place that feels like home to you.”

“what if both feel like home to me for different reasons?” samy admitted, rolling to her side to look out the window.

“what are the reasons?”

“well michigan obviously because of my brothers and my family’s tie to here. i’ve always loved the school whenever i watched quinn and luke play in the yost. for some reason i could always picture myself in the student section when i was older cheering the team on. but with boston..it just holds such a nostalgia to me since we only visited to see you and will. i love the city and well..will would be there and i guess..technically..will is my home in some ways?” samy cringed a bit hearing that come out of her mouth because she never would’ve thought in a million years she’d say that about the blonde.

“well, isn’t someone feeling sappy,” grace teased.

“shut up. i still find him annoying as hell,” that made both of the girls laugh.

“speaking of my brother..how are you guys?” grace changed the subject for a moment figuring samy would wanna get her mind off of college decisions for a bit.

good thing the older girl couldn’t see samy’s face because the brunette blushed hard.

“we’re..fine. i guess. i don’t know,” things were feeling really complicated between her and will recently and samy didn’t exactly know how to feel about it. “kevin and i are still together if that’s what you’re asking.”

“samy.”

“i know, i know i need to talk to him, but…i just can’t. i don’t know grace. the idea of liking will as something more than a friend..it’s crazy. i’ve only known him as another annoying brother,” grace knew all about samy and will’s drunk little kisses they shared in the past year and the confusion the youngest hughes has been having about her feelings towards the boy.

she was hoping being with kevin would help her forget thinking about kissing will in the bathroom when they were drunk, but it was actually doing really little.

“i just feel like this is gonna end badly for all of you. kevin will be hurt, you’ll be hurt, will be hurt.”

“i just don’t even know how one would even bring that up? hey sorry, i’m kind of leading you on because i’ve been kissing my best friend but only when we’re drunk and we never talk about it after and i act like it doesn’t happen, so i started dating you to forget about it? yeah, sounds real great.”

“well, don’t say it like that, but..i just don’t want you getting hurt, samy,” grace said.

“plus, i don’t even know if will even likes me like that. he probably doesn’t because liking your best friend is crazy,” samy went on and grace stayed silent which made the younger girl’s ears perk up. “do you know something?”

“no, i don’t. even if i did, i wouldn’t do my brother that dirty. i’m just saying, sam. it’s an awkward conversation, but it saves a lot of hurt in the end.”

“i know. i’ll..work on it.”

“on a different note, i am really surprised how close you and will have gotten in the past year. i remember when you guys used to hate one another,” the older smith giggled.

“we still kind of do,” samy snickered.

“either way, i’m glad you guys have worked out your differences and are close. it’s good he has someone being so far away from home,” her words made both of them smile.

“well, he’s become my rock so i don’t think our friendship will go away anytime soon,” the brunette grinned. “which is why i’m having a hard time choosing schools because what do i do when i’ve spend two years seeing will every single day to not seeing him for months on end?”

“yeah..i don’t really know honestly, sam. do what your heart wants on the inside. the first place that comes to your mind whenever you’re thinking about this,” grace said and images of michigan flashed in samy’s mind which quickly seemed to be her answer.

—

“god, i can’t believe you guys are going to college already,” grace was in town to help samy and will pack their things up for college. while will was out, the older blonde drove to ann arbor to see the brunette and catch up before school started.

“me neither. i didn’t think i’d be this sad about it honestly,” samy laughed while labeling her bins.

“you guys grew up way too fast for my liking, but i’m really proud of you guys. you’re gonna do really great at mich,” the blonde smiled.

“i’m really excited. we already have a groupchat for soccer and all the girls are so excited to welcome us freshmen in.”

“that’s really sweet. you’re gonna flourish, i just know it and i’ll be watching like i always do,” grace’s words were sentimental and it was taking a lot in samy to not burst out into tears these past few days as she said her goodbyes and packed her room away.

“how’s will’s packing doing? he was making progress when i saw him two days ago,” the brunette giggled.

“he’s getting a lot done with my help and mom’s. you know, he keeps talking about you, like, every conversation i swear he brings you up,” the younger hughes’ cheeks burned hearing that. it still felt so foreign to her to have this side of her will’s relationship unlocked and hearing him talk about her like that from other people.

“how surprised were you when you found out?” samy wondered while grace took a breather for a second by sitting on samy’s bed.

“surprised, but i did kind of see it coming. plus, i knew he had crazy feelings for you,” the blonde laughed.

“yeah, i’ve heard. i guess ryan and gabe’s teasing really was true.”

“it was also really obvious to everyone but you guys. we all basically knew,” that made samy flush even more. “but i’m really happy for you guys. i’ve never seen will so smiley and happy about someone before.”

“it sucks that we’re only getting together at the end of summer basically. i’m gonna really miss him,” samy admitted with a small frown.

“i know it sucks, but i think long distance will be good for you guys because you can grow into yourselves outside of your relationship you know? be your own person. plus, you guys already know everything about one another so you’ve already made it over the hardest part,” the oldest smith sibling hummed.

“i guess so. i just wish we had a little more time together. feels like i just got him and now i’m losing him for months on end.”

“knowing will, he’ll beg you to fly out,” that made them laugh.

“it’s so cliche, you know? childhood best friends fall in love with one another later on. we really hit that one on the head,” samy giggled.

“i don’t think it’s cliche. i think it’s cute. i always feel like the relationships that were friendships first always work out the best because you already know everything about one another, you know?”

“yeah like how he always pooped his pants when we were like five,” the girls laughed again.

“it will fly by, i promise.”

samy thought of will out with some of his friends right now. he wondered what they were doing and how she was gonna see him later tonight when she drove back with grace after packing some more.

to no one’s surprise, will was also thinking of samy. anytime he looked at his phone, he saw the lockscreen of the two of them together and the blonde always grinned seeing her there.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

The wreath thing is strange but how is that a relationship setback? I don’t even think the waleses think it’s that deep but from an outsiders perspective that is weird to a lot of people.

William does strange things sometimes and he needs to be more aware of how he is perceived! I don’t think it’s a big deal but walking all the way past the gates and leaving Kate behind is going to rub people the wrong way. They didn’t have to walk that far when they literally could have just waited by the gates. Also, if you watch the video of them speaking to people he keeps looking for where she is etc

Ok, I see I have to walk you through it step by step.

Step One: Kate signed the Remembrance Sunday card for the last few years. Reason tells us she would sign the card again this year. But she didn't. Why didn't she?

Step Two: Given Kate's extraordinary attention to detail, not signing the card isn't something she'd forget about. Plus it's a signature. Takes two seconds to do. So this feels like a kind of intentional omission.

Step Three: Was it intentional in a 'we haven't spent much time together' kind of way?

Step Four: Was it intentional in a 'whoops it's not protocol for me to sign it so I won't sign it' kind of way?

Step Five: Was it intentional in a 'why didn't Jason bring jeans for Jason' kind of way? (I.e., Kate has left it to William to be responsible for William's shit and her not signing the card is because he didn't think to have her do it.)

Step Six: Maybe it wasn't intentional, maybe it was just an oversight they forgot about with everything else going on in their lives right now.

Step Seven: Nah, I don't think so. William signed his name in the center of the card. When he signs with Kate, he signs on the left side of the card (in the "first" position). When he signs "alone", he signs in the center. I don't think this was an oops. If it was an oops, he'd have signed in the first position/on the left.

Step Eight: But Hello said that it's possible they didn't think Kate would attend the Remembrance Sunday service.

Step Nine: That's pretty plausible but even if they didn't think Kate would be there, they'd have written the card in advance and she could've signed it anyway at home or before/after at the Festival of Remembrance. That's what they did for Philip; he wrote the note in advance and someone else laid it on his behalf.

Step Ten: Nah, I don't think so. This doesn't make sense.

Step Eleven: I mean, it does, sorta. Rules for me but not for thee when it comes to Kate, but I don't think that's it this time.

Step Twelve: But y'know, William being responsible for William's jeans now does explain that Earthshot outfit.

Step Thirteen: Anyway. I don't know what's going on but it's certainly a sign to me that William and Kate's relationship has changed in some way.

Step Fourteen: Did the relationship change in a good way or a bad way?

Step Fifteen: I don't know. It doesn't look like the relationship changed a whole lot but then again, they're very private people and we barely saw them together in public this year to be able to make a definitive judgment one way or the other.

Step Sixteen: Eh, let's not worry about it till next November.

Step Seventeen: (And just to be clear, I don’t see the Waleses that way. I do see them having had some kind of relationship setback in 2024 owing to the stress of illness - which is perfectly natural - but they’re healing and healing together.)

Step Eighteen: Oh, anon wants to know where I saw the relationship setback.

Step Nineteen: Should I mention the note for Remembrance Day? It's really not that big of a deal, but it did make me ask some questions and I did look up some information for it and I did conclude that something in their relationship has changed.

Step Twenty: Ah, I'm going to mention it quickly but then I'll spend more time talking about how some of the things I saw on the Christmas Walk doesn't add up to other behavior I've seen from William and then I'll remind everyone about where the divorce statistic comes from and how relationships can suffer under stress.

Step Twenty-One: Hopefully everyone understands this is just my OPINION based on what I SAW FOR MYSELF and not actual receipts.

Step Twenty-Two: Dammit.

[ay4tou]

Can I request a fic for Johan and a reader where they are friends but he has a secret crush on her one day they're hanging out and the reader is doing Johans hair and he keeps moving. So she holds his head in place using her thighs. He finally ends up snapping and confronting her about knowing about his feelings and to stop playing with them.

unspoken truths | johan seong x reader

summary: when a simple moment with johan takes an unexpected turn, the tension becomes impossible to ignore. but sometimes, it only takes one bold move to uncover the truth.

author's note: my first request!! anyway i promised i would post a fic after i went to go vacay at singapore but then i got sick OOPS. MY BAD YALL 🏃💨 | masterlist

The two of you were seated in your room, a familiar space where you’d spent countless hours over the years you've known each other. The sunlight streaming through the window caught the strands of his chestnut-brown hair, which was, as always, an unruly mess.

“Your hair’s a disaster.” you teased, grabbing a comb from your desk.

Johan shot you a flat look, though a faint blush crept to his cheeks. “It’s fine the way it is.”

“Not while I’m here, it’s not.” you countered, taking a seat behind him on the bed. You began working through the strands, carefully parting and combing.

“Stop moving,” you said, exasperated as he shifted slightly for the third time.

“I’m not moving...” he muttered, but the stubborn smirk tugging at his lips told you otherwise.

“Yes, you are. If you don’t hold still, I’m never going to finish.”

“I didn’t ask you to do this.” he quipped.

You rolled your eyes. “Fine. If you’re going to be difficult, I’ll make you stay still.”

Before Johan could protest, you swung a leg over, settling yourself on his lap. His face immediately flushed as you held his head still with your thighs.

“Wha- what are you doing?” he stammered, his usual composure completely shattered.

“This.” you replied nonchalantly, resuming your work. “Now you have no excuse to move.”

He sat frozen beneath you, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. His bangs brushed against your fingers as you worked, and he avoided looking at you, his jaw tight. The silence in the room felt heavier than usual, but you were too focused to notice the way his ears were turning red.

After a while, you finally leaned back to admire your work. “Perfect! See? That wasn’t so hard, was it-"

“Stop." Johan said abruptly, his voice quiet but firm.

You frowned, caught off guard by his tone. “Stop what?”

“This.” he said, gesturing between the two of you, his bangs falling back into his face. “You know what you’re doing. Don’t act like you don’t.”

“What are you talking about?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“You always do this!" he muttered, his voice sharper now. “Getting close, touching me like this… acting like it doesn’t mean anything. You have to know, right? Or are you just messing with me?”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks. You stared at him, frozen, as the realization began to sink in. When you didn’t respond immediately, Johan let out a frustrated sigh, his nonchalant mask slipping back into place.

“Ugh. Forget it.” he mumbled, moving to stand, but you grabbed his wrist.

“Johan...” you said softly, your voice cutting through the tension. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t. But… I’m glad you told me.”

He froze, his eyes snapping back to yours. “You… are?”

You nodded, your cheeks warming as your grip on his wrist tightened slightly. “Because I feel the same way.”

His eyes widened, and for a moment, he just stared at you, his usual guarded demeanor completely gone. Then, with a quiet huff, he looked away, the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Good.” he muttered, his voice quieter now. “But next time, maybe don’t use your thighs to trap me.”

You laughed, the tension in the room finally breaking. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Johan smirked, though his ears were still pink. “And you’re annoying.”

[ghostbeam]

Fwb with Oliver who expects he’ll have to break things off once you get too attached but it’s worth it for a little fun except u never get too attached in fact ur the one who has to tell him it’s over bc he’s gotten too clingy

[sxfterhearts]

omg chat why is writing kinda hard???

ok so this is a bit of an aside (warning: this post is long) but @348kg and i talked about this and honestly writing fanfics is a way for us to express ourselves creatively while using our idols as inspo for our work. and it’s fun most of the time.. but like honestly, 70-80% of the time, writing is hard. it’s not easy, like… it’s actually quite hard work.

and i know everyone has seen posts of like “pls reblog instead of just silently reading” or “pls like at least to show your appreciation” etc etc etc and ur probs sick of hearing it but like, it’s so true???

writing is honestly hard. and for most of us fanfic writers.. im sure you know but we have lives outside of our blogs. we are students, or we work normal jobs, we have life responsibilities, we have problems to deal with, and yet somewhere in between our busy lives we manage to find the time to sit down and create these pieces of writing for you, the reader, to read.

and tbh, i don’t really know where im going with this? i just want to let you know this: a typical 1-2k words one-shot probably takes me around 2-3 hours to write (on average, on a good day - sometimes longer or shorter). but it takes you maybe 10-15 mins, at most 30 mins to read depending on your reading speed. isn’t the time gap a little wild 🫠 on a typical work day, i get home from work at about 6, i cook myself dinner and eat, i shower and clean up, and if i know im writing that night, i make sure to clear my schedule (ie no overtime, no phone calls to friends or parents etc) and i sit on my laptop and write from about 10ish to about midnight. then i pause and i edit, and set things up to get ready post (think: pictures, title, word count, writing the warnings, summary, doing the tags) and by the time i post, it’s probably 1am.

i breathe a sigh of relief because it feels good! it feels really good to release my labour of love (literally) out into the world. and honestly, you know who you are, but those of you who constantly read and reblog my work, i see u!! (Alexa play i see u by p1harmony) and those who leave comments or reviews in the tags, i also see u (that’s why i like to reblog and respond to your tags too)!! it honestly brings me so much joy when someone comes and talks to me about something i wrote and how it made them feel. or even when someone recommends a fic i wrote. all these things that are so little and take so little of your time actually mean so much to me and im sure other writers as well.

and so i guess what im trying to say to everyone is: if you are a fic reader, if you read any fics, i just want you to know that the fic you loved reading took the writer a lot of resources to write (brain power, creativity and importantly time). i hope this gives u an insight into the process of a writer/writing a fic because im hoping it might help with whether or not you decide to hit that like or reblog or comment button in the near future!!

(also, i think it’s a shame that as writers sometimes we have to compromise on what we actually want to write vs what to write to get more engagement, likes, rbs etc. personally i have been writing on tumblr since 2020 on and off so ive been on here for four years now and i have a good sense of what is a good formula for a “successful” fic - usually it’s smut, usually it’s for the most popular member in terms of fic reading, and usually it’s of a certain length posted around a certain time etc etc. but i guess i don’t rly care anymore bc im a kinda old tumblr writer who isn’t bothered about the notes as much as i am just grateful for the little comments people send me saying that what i wrote made them feel seen or resonated with them. cos i think that is priceless 🥹)

PS. in no way am i complaining about the engagement or lack thereof that i personally get, nor am i complaining about the mere fact that writing is hard bc yes i am aware that i wanted to write in the first place and so it was my decision haha

[padfootastic]

the worst thing is when like. someone on the internet hasn’t done anything wrong, is a perfectly pleasant person, but their vibes are utterly rancid to u. can’t escape them bc theyre on ur feed 84372 times a day and u feel very very weird blocking someone who’s literally not even looked in ur direction lmao

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

I am trying so hard to save money lately, but it is so hard, especially when there are so many things that make me want to spend. the latest temptation is that I really would love to participate in a Make-Along this spring, but don’t know if I can justify spending $60+ on the yarn kit for it (especially when I already have a whole closet-full of yarn from my workplace from when we had a big inventory clear-out last year)

[exopelagic]

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