#which i can handle doing bc there are only those two games

[defmaybe]

J’adore

5.2k words

aespa’s Yoo Jimin/Karina x Male Reader

Prequel to Not Shy

A/N: Kind of extension to Not Shy! Also, this is my last sprint before the midterms lol, I’ll be back after that and try to write something good. Kinda rough bc there’s no beta-reading lol. Thanks for reading as always!!!

—

Spring

“You? A student council member?”

“It’s just the treasurer!”

It’s the easiest position, according to your seniors, which seems to be much, much more credible sources than Kai, the friend you got caught in a debate with.

“Just the treasurer. Mate, have you seen the lads from last year? I swear that one of them almost died.”

“I have to build my portfolio, man. You even have your dance club!” You retort, trying to grasp on something.

“Well, it’s because I like to dance.” Kai says in a mocking tone. He doesn't mean to be condescending, of course. He’s your best friend, after all. “Do you like to work with Excel?”

“I mean–”

“Board games? No, too nerdy. Cheerleader? No, too demanding. And then you fucking jumped onto the student council? I swear, man, you definitely have some kind of death wish,” he says.

You sigh, surrendering to his points. Still, you're too deep in the application process to turn back now. You look back at your phone, seeing all the completed questions in the form.

“I’m not leaving you behind, still,” Kai says, patting your back. “I’ll give you caffeine when you need it.”

Do you think you’re qualified to be a student council member?

Yes.

“I’m sending it now.”

“Good luck.”

Submit

Thank you for your submission. We will announce our selection by May 1st.

—

Summer

Maybe it was how the last year’s council members turned out to be. You were the only one who applied for the treasurer's position. Hell, even the other ones aren’t any more popular either. There was no one in the head of first aid, and they had to roll out another round of applications for that.

The fresh faces of the new student council members are all standing inside this meeting room—so determined, so passionate. Their chatters fill the room up with life.

You glance around the room. You’re familiar with some of them, walk-pasts in the hallways, sitting-fars in the classes, until one woman catches your eye.

Yoo Jimin, you’ve heard that she beat the second place applicant for president by quite a margin. Her confidence is probably what makes her so alluring to the students. Also, her face, fuck, her face, she’s the fucking epitome of perfection.

Maybe it’s the way you stare at her for just a little too long; she starts to walk towards you, and that’s when you fell into her trap for the first time.

She stops just a step away, offering you a handshake—firm, assured.

“Yoo Jimin,” she declares—stern, expressionless.

“Pleasure to meet you, Jimin.” You accept her grip, lips curling inward, letting out a minuscule smile—relaxed, reserved.

“We’ll be working together for the next year. I’m looking forward to it.” She keeps it professional in the expression she makes. There’s nothing to be made of it, except for the fact that she’s very reticent with her face.

You force out another small smile. “I’m also looking forward to it, Jimin.”

—

“Areas! I need two tables and four chairs. Parcels, get your equipment ready.”

The first meeting between the freshmen and their seniors is always the hardest to perfect. There’s the idea that the first impression defines the future of the relationship between the two. So, here you are, in your faculty’s First Meet event. You’re lucky that they let you use the air conditioners on the d-day. Those fucking run-throughs got you all melted.

You have little work to do today, having managed the proposals and preparing to do the post-production stuff. So, you’re at the core team’s table, playing whatever your old laptop can handle, until—

“Are you free?”

You look up from your screen to see the angelic figure that is Yoo Jimin standing in front of you, towering you with ease with you sitting in your seat.

“Uh–,” you can only let out a hesitation.

“I guess you’re—” she bends over the desk to see the gaming screen, before letting out a small laugh. “—free?”

“Y–Yes, Jimin.” A slight view of her cleavage can be seen with her posture, and you have to do your best to find something else to look at.

“Good. Can you help us carry a few tables?”

You look at your frail arms—should’ve done some more work at the gym. “If you want me to tear my biceps.”

Jimin chuckles, before closing on your ear, left hand pressing on your right thigh, “Don’t worry that you wouldn’t be able to jerk off, treasurer. I can do it for you.”

You freeze, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. Did she just say that? Such lewd words?

Jimin, sensing your tensed up body, pulls back from you and laughs. “Oh my god, look at you. I was just fucking with you!”

“Good grief, Jimin. You could’ve killed me,” you huff.

She shoots back a beam. “Come on, let’s get to work.”

—

Fall

The clicking sound of your keyboard and the scratches of the bills you’re arranging permeates the room this evening. Jimin is sitting on the other side of the trash-ridden table—stationeries, snack wraps—eyes unfocused as she swipes one short video after another. Her thoughts seem to be elsewhere now. Dinner? Bed? Someone? You’ll never know.

“Fucking hell, this bitch again,” she mutters under her breath, which you catch. You look up from the budget plan you’re working on, meeting her eyes.

“Sorry, Tinder stuff.”

You return her a tiny smile before going back to inputting the bills. Still, you can hear Jimin’s tossing and turning in her chair as she seems to type something into her phone, before smashing her thumb on the right side of its poor screen. You can’t help but let out a chuckle, one that she catches.

“Yeah, it’s pathetic, isn’t it?” Jimin rhetorizes, placing her phone on the table. “A student president that just can’t find any partner.”

You shrug, still typing, “Well, the work is gruelling.” And she chuckles at your statement.

“Yeah, I guess so. But it’s just, how to explain?” She furrows her eyebrows, tapping her chin to seek the right word in the air, before coming to an answer. “I just can’t find the right person, you know? Half of the line is gone once I show any bit of confidence, and the other half are, well, clingy ass bitches.”

You smile back at her, trying to give her some solace in solitude. “I’m sure you’ll find the right person soon, Jimin. You like–have the whole faculty in your hands.”

She gives you a weak smile. “You always have pleasant words for everyone, treasurer.”

You smile back before returning to your accounting work, unbeknownst to the light bulb brightening up inside her head.

“So, how’s your love life?” She asks, rising from the other side. She leans forward ever so slightly, hands supporting her frame on the white table, slightly revealing the valley of her breasts.

You break yourself from the laptop, once again, meeting her cleavage in your line of sight for a split second. It’s magnetic, but you’re able to resist it, for now.

“Hmm?”

“I mean… you don’t seem to be an awful choice for women, or men, judging from… how many months?”

“Four,” and you gulp.

“Yeah, four months with you, my treasurer. But I’ve never quite caught you being involved in anything,”—she stands up straight, before slowly striding towards your seat, hips swaying at each nifty step—“romantic.”

You clench your eyes ever so tightly at her alluring motion—the swaying hips, the crossing steps—as if there’s anything to examine but her burning lust. “Well, Jimin, I don’t think the passive mid-table guys get much,” you state.

“Is that so? Because you don’t seem to belong at the mid-table.” The distance between you two is shrinking, slowly. And with a few more small steps, you find her towering over you, chest basking in front of your face.

Jimin bends down slowly, revealing just a slight sight of her gorgeous cleavage. The poor crop top is struggling to hold her supple flesh within, even with the workshop shirt helping. You shift just slightly in your seat.

Your eyes are doing their best to resist the magnetic force, but her big brown eyes aren't a sanctuary, either.

“Thanks, miss president.”

Her Dior J’adore is enrapturing you.

“You know, I notice the perfume you wear every day, even if it’s just CK One.” She forces sultry into her perceptive words, and to say, it works. She drags her right middle finger along the length of your arm, lighting a fire in its trail.

You try to keep your composure; it works, for now. She doesn’t seem to notice the sweat hanging off your forehead yet.

“Or how you dress so damn well to class, even if it’s some fuckass subject,” Jimin continues, tracing her hands up to your forearm now.

Your breath hitches, and you can just connect the dots so easily.

“W–Why me, though, Jimin?”

“Oh, clever boy, I just need the real thing, that’s all,” she coos. Her digits are playing with the line of your collarbones now. 

“See, I’m just so fucking sick of my—well, what’s the word, devices. They’re pleasurable, sure, but unlike a real person, which in this case—is you—” Her hand grabs your chin from behind, and you can’t find any resistance. Her sonic reduces into a sensual whisper into your ear. “—they lack warmth.”

“S–So, do you want to have—”

“Sex? Yes, I want you inside me, baby. I want you body clashing against mine, while you moan my name like you’re some common whore.”

It’s haywire, your mind. You are lost in her—her voice, her face, her body, everything that’s about Jimin. Is she really inviting you to have sex with her? Is this interaction even real?

“So, what do you say, wanna go somewhere after this? Somewhere—small, somewhere—private.” Her voice dives into a whisper beside your ear, and you can feel a smile forming beside it. “I’m sure you can work on your bills—anywhere.”

You stare forward, trying to look unfazed to cover your crumbling composure.

“I–I can work on the bills anywhere, Jimin.” Your voice betrays you.

She gives a quiet laugh, “Good to know, treasurer,” before lightly grabbing your chin, with her index and middle finger resting on your lips. Are they seeking silence or entry?

Slowly, they push your upper lip ever so slightly, eliciting a whimper from you. Fuck, is she trying to—

“You know what to do, baby.”

Rejection.

Hesitation.

Submission.

You open your mouth for her—now courtesy of Yoo Jimin. You take in her fingers. They’re cold from the air conditioner. Bite. Lick. Swallow. You close your eyes while doing so, absorbing her taste with your tongue. You feel you’re under her control—so submissive. It’s ecstatic.

“God, do you like being called a whore? Because you’re acting like one right now,” Jimin asks.

You profusely nod at her statement, continuing to suck on her fingers.

“Then keep doing it, whore.”

Your eyes roll into the back of your head as you can hear her giggle. And as your vision comes back to her, the free hand is rubbing against her clothed core now. Mewling sounds can be heard.

“God, keep sucking it, baby. I’ve never cummed as fast as this before.”

“Ngh.” And you keep sucking her fingers.

A sound of the door stops you in your tracks though.

“Guys, I need a few chairs–am I interrupting something?”

Ning Yizhuo, head of student welfare, barges into the room. She stares straight at you two. Good thing Jimin pulls her digits out and puts them behind her back before Yizhuo’s eyes catch sight of you glistening on her, leaving you stranded in your burning desire for your president.

Maybe it’s the way your eyes are still fluttering. Maybe it’s the way your mouth ever so slightly hangs open. Maybe it’s your quick breaths.

Yizhuo wants to know what’s up.

“We’re just–” Jimin tries to find the right word in your eyes. Her blinks are rapid. She’s concerned. She’s afraid.

“You’re–what?” Yizhuo isn’t a patient figure. She’s trying to gauge something out of Karina.

“I–I’m adjusting his posture! O–Our dear treasurer has a bad sitting posture and–”

“Cut the shit, Jimin. What the fuck did you guys do?”

“S–See, he’s sitting a lot, you know? B–Bills. Accounting. Excel stuff.” Jimin’s brows hint at the concern within her chuckle. She pushes the middle of your back to set you straight up. As you follow her move, Yizhuo clenches her eyes.

“Just get me some chairs and don’t fuck inside this room.”

—

Jimin swings her door open, and as expected, every single bit of it is immaculately kept clean. There’s not a single piece of trash on the floor of her white room; the table is meticulously arranged; the bed is folded. There’s a Meteora vinyl placed on her shelf. God, what a tasteful woman.

“Drop your bag.”

You comply as she also does so.

And she immediately pounces on your body, consuming your taste and scent at your nape. Her lips are wet, sending shocks through your pliant frame.

“Mmph, keep this perfume, baby. I just wanna have this scent of you every day.”

It’s CK One.

She plants her kisses along your neck—standing up straight—ever so determined to make you hers. Her hands lock your shifting, shaking body in place, despite being so eager to feel every inch of you—up and down.

“So—pliant, so—submissive,” she whispers.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” you deflect, trying to have a hold of the battle. There’s a glint of brattiness inside you that wants to resist her just a little, just before you give in.

“Is that so?” Jimin mewls, before pushing you onto the bed.

“I’m not letting you have me that easily, miss president,” you say with your back against her soft cushion. Jimin is straddling her lean, lengthy legs over yours. She looks so damn tall from this view—you lying beneath her.

“Sucking my fingers, then decide to be a bratty bitch right now—” She lightly taps the tip of your nose, also scrunching hers. “—I like that.”

You say nothing, giving her just a wink from below.

“Oh, baby, I’ll have you scream my name so many times.”

“Fucking make me then.”

And fires ignite in her eyes.

She dives onto your left ear—nibbling, biting, swallowing, whatever she can do with her mouth without tearing your auricle off. Her deep moans send suppressed shudders through your neurons.

Jimin spreads saliva all over your ear, no sign of relenting. Slurping sounds of her flesh ring in your head. She plants each lick with purpose, and it sends jolts and jolts through your body. Still, you’re far from falling apart—tethered on the ground.

“Tsk, i–is this the best y–you can do?”

“Oh, baby, you’re already stuttering? I can do more if you want~,” she tastefully threatens. Then, she brings her right hand into play, tilting your chin up. Your mouth is right beside her neck. The pale smoothness of her skin is presented in front of you, and you just can’t help but—

“F–Fuck!” Jimin yells, clearly enraptured with the swipes of tongue you are giving her. Still, she keeps spreading her saliva on your ear as if it’s hers (it’s hers).

“Oh, b–baby boy, maybe you can use your t–tongue on other things instead,” she whines.

“Your cunt?” You keep stretching your tongue onto her nape, getting a taste of her sweat.

She pulls back from you, robbing the sensations away from your throat. “Clever, now just lie like this. I’m riding your pretty face.”

Jimin then takes off her purple lace panties, giving you a hint of her wet cunt—unshaved—as she lifts her leg, before stuffing the garment onto your nose. Fuck, her musk is so intense; you can just die happily right here.

“You just love it, don’t you?”

You sheepishly nod, pressing her panties against your nose even tighter, eliciting laughs from her sinful mouth.

“I think that’s enough, baby. I wanna fuck your face now,” she says, before tossing away the filthy garment.

Jimin then moves forward on her knees, bringing her heat closer and closer to your face. God, the fact that she’s unshaved only brings you higher. You need to slurp her juice; you need it on your face, you–

“Ready?”

Her cunt is hovering above you now, she’s pulling her skirt up, letting you see her face for the last time before being buried under her.

You nod.

And she sinks onto your face.

The first contact is soft, so, so soft. You’re practically making out with pussy, as she shakes above you erratically. There isn’t much light, with her skirt darkening your vision of what’s around, but it’s like you’d complain. You’re eating your student president out in her room, and you’re doing it so, so well that it sends shivers through her body, again and again.

“Ngh, f–fuck!” Jimin shouts from above—the things you’d do to see her face right now, to see an effect you’re having on her.

You say nothing, just keep lapping up her folds enthusiastically. Her juice drips into your mouth—sweet.

Jimin starts to grind her hips, as the moans grow louder. She’s getting wetter, and you’re still happily drinking her sugary nectar—drunk with it.

“Ah, ah, y–you’re doing well, my treasurer.”

You give her a thumbs up. You keep licking her cunt as if your life is depending on it. She moans so loud; everyone on this floor is probably going to hear that, but you don’t care anymore. The only thing in your head right now is to please Jimin—only Yoo Jimin.

And you can feel her thighs tense, shaking with pleasure. She’s going to cum. Her moans grow more chaotic and shorter than they were.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m cumming, I’m cumming, fuck!”

She cums hard, collapsing onto the bed, cunt still on your face, ass up in the air. Her core clenches and clenches on your face, and she just forgets to breathe as her hips convulse.

“No squirt today, huh?” you joke from below.

She snaps back into the situation she’s in, sneering, “Fuck off, don’t fucking play stupid with me, wh–whore.”

You laugh, “Alright, alright, let’s get to the main course, shall we?”

“Y–Yeah.”

Jimin lifts off from you, leaving a string of her lubricant between your lips and her cunt.

“God, that’s hot,” you just can’t help but say it.

She giggles, and you can now see the sweat forming on her forehead; there’s beauty in it.

You two, in a haste, discard all of your clothes until you’re left with nothing—just bare bodies on the bed together. You’re sitting opposite of her, expecting her to say something.

She looks ethereal under the room light. The messy hair, the perfect features, the bare body, they all combine into the epitome of perfection right in front of you. Fuck, she’s gorgeous.

“Can I suck your tits?” you mutter. Fuck reticence, you need her, now.

She chuckles. “Sure, but only if I’m on top of you.”

“You just have to find a way to dominate me, don’t you?” you huff.

“Don’t say it like you don’t like it, baby.” She caresses your cheeks, and you shiver at her touch.

You lie down, as she slowly eclipses the light above both of you. Her large breasts are hanging down so close to your face. And—

“F–Fuck!”

You latch your mouth on her right breast as if it’s innate, with your hand kneading on the other. She lets out empyrean moans that only makes you want to suck on them even more. God, you can do this all day.

And not wanting to wait anymore, she impales her cunt with your cock, and you can only moan into her tits. This sensation, it’s overwhelming. Her velvety walls are hugging you so, so tightly. It’s so warm. She’s warm.

“Fuck,” she groans, eyes rolling into the back of her head. “Your cock is so well-bent, baby. It’s hitting my g-spot so good.”

“T–Thanks, J–Jimin.” Your mind is so damn clouded by the pleasure that you can say nothing but her name right now.

And a crack starts to form when she moves—up and down. Her unshaved cunt dragging along your digit, emanating pleasure all over your body from the core.

“B–Babe, c–can you stop s–sucking my tits?” she pleads.

You pull yourself out of her mounds, as she’s still riding you like there’s no tomorrow, and you let out small moans at each contact. “W–What? Ngh.”

“I wanna kiss you.”

You freeze under her. She’s still motioning herself to squeeze the cum out of you, whimpering each time your cock hits the hilt. Is it a confession? Does she love—

“B–Babe,” she brings you back to the mortal world.

“Y–Yeah, kiss me.”

She invades your mouth as if it wasn’t already hers at the second she sits on your face. Your tongues intertwine in a quest to declare their feelings of their owners.

Your hands are still squeezing her breasts. It’s addictive. You press and press into her flesh just to feel her as much as you can. This might as well be the only body you want to have just to yourself, as you dedicate yours to her. Every curve, every contour, every limb, you want her; you want her to want you; you need her. This kiss, fuck, it’s doing wonders to you.

She’d be the one to break off from the kiss to pant above you, hips still smashing into yours in a perfect rhythm.

“W–Wanna go out with me?” she asks.

She’s desperate, all the Tinder dates, all the–

“Babe, I–I fucking know that it’s desperate, yes or no. Fuck those Tinder dates, fuck those guys and girls, I–I want to go out with you, t–treasurer,” she pants.

Maybe it’s her J’adore that’s permeating all over you. Maybe it’s the way your hips are clashing into each other. Maybe, just maybe, it’s the glint in her eyes.

But if you have to recall, it’d be the confidence she’s radiating in clashing your flesh together just right now.

You nod.

Jimin smiles, pulling you into another kiss. You swear it can tear you apart if you have to let this woman go—figuratively.

She pulls off, her breaths becoming shorter and shorter again. “C–Can you cum with me, baby?”

Again, you nod, smiling. It’s inside your loins, building up, building up. Your body tenses up beneath her, same as hers. It’s there. It’s there.

“Fuck, baby, breed me. I’m yours, just breed me, just–ugh!”

And her whole body freezes, juices flowing onto your crotch. Her face is contorted by the pleasure coursing through her. Again, she forgets to breathe, back arching. You don’t slow down, though. Your orgasm is coming too.

“B–Babe–ah!”

It breaks. You busy yourself inside her to the hilt. Just like her, you forget to breathe. You shoot spurts of your seed deep into her womb, intending to breed her as her wish. Your cock shakes inside her, as she moans at each twitch.

It subsides, eventually. The shots get softer and softer to the point the cum just dribbles off the tip of you now. Fuck, your juices even leak out of her cunt onto your crotch, mixed together.

“F–Fuck,” is all she can say, before collapsing onto you, chest pressed up against yours.

“The plan’s still up?”

“Yeah.”

And she slips to the side, embracing you from behind, as you two doze off in the nocturne.

—

“Can I use your toothbrush?”

A long drag of uncertainty comes from the outside. Sun has risen hours ago, yet you two are still in the drowsy state.

“Or do I have to kiss you again for the answer, Jimin?”

“Put your morning breath away from me!”

At least she’s quick with her riposte.

As you brush your teeth, naked, she saunters into the bathroom, still similarly bare from last night. Her breasts bounce ever so slightly with each step in the mirror. Despite the disheveled appearance, her natural beauty shines through the mess—a seraphic being, one might say.

“Ha, yeah, I know I’m pretty, baby,” she says. “People would kill to have a body like me.”

You finish your clean up, before saying, “You’re insufferable, you know?”

Jimin laughs, before giving you a quick peck on the cheek, emanating mellow all over your face. Fuck, you can feel the blood rushing to your erection now.

“You too, babe.” She smiles, before grabbing her mouthwash for a gargling.

Your cock, again, finds the condition to rise in front of this woman. It’s twitching, and you just have to turn back before she notices it.

Still, her sharp eyes find you, and she gives you a small slap on your bare ass, sending pleasure rushing through your body.

“Hey!” she growls with the mouthwash, before quickly disposing of it. “You’re fucking hard again?”

“I–I–I–uh–”

Jimin then presses herself up against your back, arms ever so tightly trapping you from behind in a hug. It’s warm. She’s warm.

“Let me, baby,” she whispers against your wobbling right ear. “I can’t have my co-workers’ needs go unsated.”

“F–Fucking hell.”

In one careful motion, Jimin slides her arms down to your erection, right hand grabbing the length. “Wouldn’t mind some respect from my baby boy~” Her grip and the languid, careful strokes make your legs wobble.

“Tsk, n–no fucking way, J–Jimin,” you muster any inhibition you have left to deflect.

“Well, then.” Jimin then tightens her hold on your cock, transpiring both pain and pleasure to you. “How about now?”

“Nghhhh, f–fuck,” you cry out, the contorted expression appears in the mirror.

“Just like that, baby, moan for me. Show me who owns you,” Jimin coos, loosening her hold a slight, still keeping the adagio tempo.

“Nnnh, J–Jimin.”

“Good boy, good boy,” she murmurs.

She drags her filthy hand up and down your cock so leisurely, finding the rhythm for your pliancy. She strokes and strokes to build you up to the second release with her, this time by her hand.

It feels like eternity—the way her unhurried digits find the pace that would make you want so much more, or how she whispers ‘good boy’ into your ear every time she wants a whiff of reassurance of control. It’s like she needs one, anyway, judging by how you’re moaning like a bitch right now.

“God, you’re making so much sound for me.” The way she swipes her index finger at the tip of your cock on each stroke, fuck, you can fall onto the floor right here and now. “Wanna see your face in the mirror, baby?”

You turn your head leftwards to find reflections of a contorted face and a grin side by side. Her hand is diligent as ever—building you up to your inevitable release.

“What do you say, baby? Wanna see our faces in the mirror?” she inquires again. You can feel a mischievous smile beside your ear.

“Ngnh, a–alright.”

With ease, she forces your body to turn into your image of the ball of lust—the shower of kisses on your neck; the hand sliding up and down your cock; the thigh pressing up against your ass. You shift and shift within her restraint, and that seems to only fuel her fire.

“Moan some more for me, baby. I wanna hear your voice. I want my men moaning.”

You comply, letting out a series of whimpers just for your student president. The sensation of her hand is so damn enthralling—each slide, each nick of a finger, each twist of her wrist, they are all designed to make you surrender to her.

“Good boy. Your moans are so pleasing to hear, you know that?”

“Nngh, t–thanks, Jimin.”

“Wanna up the ante, baby? I can do it faster~” As if her languid tempo isn’t already doing its job in trapping you inside her overflowing lust.

You hesitate, finding yourself wanting this act to go on to such lengths, maybe even when the sun sets again. Being under her comforting warmth is too satisfying.

“I–I don’t know, Jimin.”

“Oh, this baby can’t decide? Guess I’ll just have to–”

She suddenly lets go of your length, cutting your string of desire so easily. You whine, as Jimin lets out a laugh.

“Don’t!” you say in a rush, and letting go the hand you haven’t realized you’ve been holding—hers.

Jimin giggles. “Say please, baby.” She tightens her hug on you, squeezing the plea out.

Your eyes meet hers in the mirror.

“Please, Jimin.”

“Good boy.” And she wraps her hand around your erection again, casually stroking it.

“Ngh.”

The sound of her jerking your shaft fills the room. It’s heavenly—her voluptuous chest pressing up against your arching back with right hand busy sliding on your rod. She does it so cleanly—the technique, the pace. You swear you will cum by the second she whispers another ‘good boy’ into your welcoming ears.

As if she knows your inevitable release, she seeks a higher speed on your cock, stroking it with a swiftness that tries to draw out your moan and your cum as much as she can.

“Ngh, J–Jimin,” you whimper.

“Oh, gonna cum already, baby?” Jimin giggles at your crumble, before giving a peck on your left cheek. “Go on, cum for me. Cum, just like you did last night inside me.”

White spots start to form within your vision. Your breaths become more erratic. It’s there. It’s there.

“Jimin~”

And you explode all over her mirror, painting white streaks on it. You are left with ecstasy on your face as Jimin smiles at your release. Your body shrieks and shudders in her embrace. Your cock twitches in her hand, sending flying ropes of cum everywhere. Fuck.

“Yes, baby, just like that.” Her voice is deep—so seductive.

You continue to shake in her hold, not being able to subside from your high so quickly. Your release grows lighter and lighter in her hand, until it comes out in drops, finally letting you catch your breath.

“Good boy,” Jimin says, before forcing your body towards hers. You are spun around, and she gives you a kiss.

It’s short, but it’s powerful—no tongue fighting for dominance, no slurping sounds, just a kiss.

And she pulls back from it once she’s satisfied, judging from the smile on her face.

“Wanna do this again?” she asks.

“Definitely—well—maybe. You know Yizhuo would beat our asses if she catches us again, right?”

“Just shut up, babe. She won’t know if you’re good with secrets like me.”

You pout, bringing out a laugh from her.

Winter

“It’s going well, isn’t it?” Kai asks.

You give him a small smile. “It’s bearable, yeah.”

“Good to know, good to know.” He then takes a sip of his latte from his cup, looking outside.

“Fuck, I forgot to ask you this,” you say. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“Oh yeah! In fact, there’s a woman I've been seeing recently, Yizhuo. You probably know her, right? You guys are working together,” Kai answers.

“Oh,” you utter. “Oh.”

He chuckles, before continuing, “Yeah, I know it’s weird–”

“No, no, not at all, bro,” you deflect with a chuckle along with him. “I’m happy that you’re happy.”

Kai, still chuckling, inquires, “How about you? It’s gotta be more than ‘bearable’ for you to be all happy like this.”

You give him a smile.

[softsunnyy]

Its criminal that I'm not cuddling Luke rn (esp after the devils loss :( )

What I wouldnt give to just lay on his chest and listen to his heart while some mindless movie plays in the back

-🐥

no bc it took me way too long to finish writing this, but i really feel like it healed a part of my soul.

jesus, what i wouldn't give to see my sweet boy and tell him how well he did and how proud i am while i play with his curls. *Sigh*

anyway, those thoughts got me distracted while i was writing this, so if it doesn't make much sense, I'M SORRY.

your heart aches so much. It hurts to see Luke so stressed, trying to contain his frustration so he wouldn't take it out on you.

you still remember how you stopped breathing when you saw his body inside the net. It's like the world had stopped moving. Your ears were blocked, you couldn't even blink. You watched him get up, skate, leave, and come back, but your mind kept thinking about his pained expression, different from when the puck hit him, and different from the time he thought he'd injured his wrist. It's like he knows this is different. More serious.

and you wanted to run to see him, but your friends by your side stopped you, hugged you, tried to comfort you, to calm you, but their arms felt cold. Not like Luke's. So they didn't succeed, and you had to hold back your desire to go to him.

now you're living the results of that day, with Luke unable to play, having to watch games from home or going to the arena. And it's hard—it's so hard—because you can see on his face how much he wants to be there, helping his team and trying to make a difference.

you see him run a hand through his hair every five minutes, then slap his thigh when a play isn't going his way. His leg bounces up and down in anxiety, and you see him nervously bite his lip; a habit he'd lost a while ago with your help.

and you wanna help him, to do more than just rub his back or rest your head on his good shoulder. You wanna give him the world, heal his body, give him back the ability to play an entire game without tearing his shoulder apart, but you can't, and it makes you feel so frustrated and useless.

and Jack tries to help you, god, even Quinn. You know they've talked to him, trying to guide him through these days where things feel so heavy, where everyone feels guilt and frustration. But nothing works, you can see it. You see it in his tense shoulders, his clenched jaw, and his white knuckles. You see it even when he sleeps, having constant nightmares, tensing his body so much that the next day it hurts even more.

and so the days go by, and with them, the games too, until game 5 arrives, in Carolina, which means you two will have to watch it from home.

that day, your hands are shaking; you're nervous, so anxious. You want the team to succeed, not only because you know them and all the effort they've put in to get where they are, but also for Luke's sake. Because you know a loss will break him completely, and you don't think you can handle that.

when the game starts, the mood is excellent and the lead makes Luke smile, proud. But as it continues and the lead is lost, your sweet boyfriend returns to his serious, worried expression. And he's so attentive, analyzing every play, thinking about everything he would do differently, and all the mistakes they're making.

this time, he's too quiet, too tense. He doesn't even complain quietly when a penalty isn't called, and that makes you play with your fingers, unsure.

when the game extends to the first OT, you feel like you're gonna die, like you're gonna have a heart attack. And during the intermission, neither of you gets up from the couch. You don't even speak, both staring at the tv, trying to make the seconds pass faster.

it's in the second OT that things get more serious. And you wanna bite your nails, stretch your legs, anything, but instead you just stay still, staring at your boyfriend's back, who hasn't moved.

when that penalty is called, you feel a pain in your stomach, a hole in your chest. You have a bad feeling and you hope it doesn't happen. But when Aho scores the goal, the one that gives Carolina the win, you know that's what you felt.

the air became more tense, heavier. There's a loud silence, and you can see his eyes fill with tears in seconds. Tears that soon begin to slide down his cheeks as his hands try to dry them. And you see how he trembles, how he can't stop, so you decide to hug him.

Luke, who's usually so big, strong, confident. Who's usually the one who wraps his arms around you to make you feel safe. Who's always there to pick up your broken pieces and put them back together. That Luke threw himself into your arms, crying, his shoulders shaking with his small sobs.

you've never seen him like this, with his face buried in your chest, trying to hold onto your shirt. He's desperate, and you can only hold him in your arms, trying to give him the same warmth he always gives you.

and you try not to burst into tears when you hear him, when you see him reach his breaking point, finally exploding and letting out all the frustration he's been bottling up for so long.

you've seen his struggle, you've listened to him talk for hours about strategies and plans; about things he learned in practice or advice he's received from other professionals. You've seen his eyes light up differently when he thought about making the playoffs, and how everyone talked about him for a moment, about the Hughes who could be a hero this time.

you've been there every day, and you've seen him through both good times and bad, but you've never seen him like this, so hopeless, guilty, frustrated. Thousands of things are running through his head, thousands of images of moments that could have been different.

Luke has spent day and night wishing he'd moved in a different direction, at a different speed. God, wishing he'd been more careful.

he's spent days avoiding the media, the people who want to ask him about his health. He knows they'll ask him about that moment, and that they'll make him replay it, relive it in his head, and he can't do that, not again, not now.

so when Carolina wins, it was like a stab in Luke's chest, right where his guilt had been growing, making him suddenly feel like the world is about to end. Even though he knows it isn't. Even though he knows he'll be calmer in a few hours.

and you both know he has the right to feel bad now, after a cursed season, filled with injuries, effort, and people doubting them. Luke Hughes has the right to feel bad for once.

so you give him his space. You don't even know how many minutes have passed, but you can feel his breathing calming slightly, and his sobs slowly stopping, until finally his body stops being so tense and he decides to lift his head to look at you.

his red, swollen, and irritated eyes; his red nose; his bitten lips; and a look of pure and complete sadness. That's what you see in him at first. But you can also see the exhaustion, the guilt, and a little relief that at least this torture is over.

“you wanna go to bed, Lu? you don’t have to stay and watch the rest,” you reassured him, and though he seemed to hesitate for a moment, he finally nodded, silently moving away from your body so you could get up, turn off the tv, and extend a hand to help him up.

together, you walk to the bedroom, your steps slow and heavy, heavy with emotion. When you reach the bed, you think about lying down first, but he beats you to it, and you know that for today he needs to feel covered by you, by your warmth, to feel safe. So you lie down, your head on his chest and his arms immediately around you.

there was a moment of silence, where you both tried to gather your thoughts, not knowing what to say to each other, what to do, until you finally decided to speak.

"you know, this isn't your fault, Lu," you began, in a low, gentle tone, one of your hands caressing his chest. He sighs, staring up at the ceiling. "I know everything is so frustrating right now, but this wasn't your fault, Lu, and you don't have to take all the blame."

he knows you're right, and he knows that if he has to open up to someone, it's better if it's you, so he started talking for the first time in a while.

“i know, it’s just…” he sighed, “all i can think about is the things i would have done differently. What i would have done to be able to be there, to help in any way i could. We worked so hard…” his voice broke a little at that point, so he cleared his throat, closing his eyes for a moment to hold back the tears. “We tried so hard, when they stopped taking us seriously, when they thought that without Jack, we were lost…” he frowned at that thought, and you could feel his body tense, so you placed a couple of silent kisses on his chest, bringing him back to reality, making him relax a little. “We worked and worked to be better, to not repeat the mistakes from last time, but we kept coming back to the same thing, and it feels like everyone was right, and it’s so fucking unfair.”

you know that, of course you do. You spent days and days raging at the people in the media, at the commentators who kept showing the video of Jack's injury, talking about how essential he is to the team, and implying that without him it would be incredibly difficult for them to make it. Because of course, you know how important your boyfriend's brother is, but you couldn't understand why they were comparing them too. Why, when they talked about Luke, they had to compare him to Jack, or attribute his incredible talent and performance to his brother's absence. You couldn't understand it, and even though you tried to keep your anger at bay, now you know it also reached your sweet boy, and of course it got trapped in his mind.

it frustrates you so much to know that he thinks about it, maybe even constantly, and to know that right now it torments him, so you lift your head slightly, making him look at you, straight in the eyes, with a small pout on his lips.

“Luke, they’ll never be right,” you started, and your boyfriend could only listen, feeling how determined you were in your tone of voice. “It was a rough season, but the injuries and the struggles... hell, none of that is anything you guys could really control, and yet you pushed through, and you battled, and you dared to give it your all in these playoffs, even if it meant stretching this last game to two overtimes. You had everyone wondering what was going to happen because no one put up a bigger fight than you guys. And it sucks that you couldn’t be there now, but no one can ever question all the hard work you’ve put in because you’ve been the best for this team,” you said, sounding more and more annoyed, not at him, but at thinking about everything you’ve seen and heard.

and Luke listens. For the first time in these last few days, he really listens to you, feeling some warmth in his heart at how you defend him, even when no one's looking, and how you still feel proud despite the things that have happened. He feels grateful, even more in love, knowing that you're not judging him or making him feel worse, but that you're supporting him, lifting him up now when he needs it.

he looks at you with a very small smile, and when you realize it, you stop talking, realizing you'd started to vent, which made you blush a little, embarrassed.

"i´m sorry, but really, Lu, you were amazing, and even though you can't see it right now, you were so good, and you did so well. I need you to know that," you told him, this time in a calmer tone.

he feels things getting softer, and his head stops aching, his hands unconsciously beginning to caress you. You're calming him down, as you always do, with what he calls a superpower, but which is actually your ability to talk and say a thousand positive things about him without having to think about it too much.

he still feels frustrated and sad, but he listens to you talk about him, about his team, and it makes him feel calmer, accompanied. With you, he feels in a safe space, where he can vent and receive honest feedback. And although he knows his brothers tried too, with you it's different; this feels much better, much deeper, and then he understands that this is what he needed so much: to listen to you. To ask for your help.

so he lets you talk, to caress him, until after a while you both decide to rest and forget about tonight for a moment.

you let him choose a movie, and you see him put on one of his comforting choices, one of those he's seen a thousand times, but that always make him feel like he's in a safe and normal environment. And you know he won't pay any real attention, but the sound will keep him distracted for a while.

you rest your head on his chest again, and unlike before, you can feel his heartbeat much more relaxed, as it should be. His hand caresses your back, and then you allow yourself to sigh.

Luke isn't crying, and although his face still shows that he did, you know he feels better now. And these are going to be difficult days, you know it, but you also know that he's much more willing to talk about it with you, to stop being the tough Luke Hughes for a moment and be your sweet boy who sometimes also needs comfort and reassurance.

tomorrow he'll have time to continue worrying, to meet with the team, with the management, but now? he only needs you, so he clings to your body.

and he knows he can count on you, and that's why he feels like the luckiest person in the world. In your arms, he knows everything will be okay, so for tonight, he'll allow himself to forget everything.

thanks for being his safe space, is what he thinks before falling asleep

[thinking-through-some-things]

What do you mean by the women from epic the musical was poorly handled? Can you explain? I’m interested bc I thought that too

ho boy, let's see.

there's definitely a general feminist critique to be had about how few women are in the musical and how small their parts are. obviously i realize the musical primarily follows the leading man and his male crew because that's just how the odyssey works. but it's still a conversation worth having, especially since there are ways to make the existing female characters better. the decision to base this on the odyssey is still a choice.

i don't have much to say about most of the monsters/goddesses. aeolus and scylla are fine. circe is okay, and she actually gets a few songs. personally i think god games should just be cut entirely; it's just athena justifying everything odysseus has done. hera is fine. i don't like how athena stops talking to aphrodite once ares shows up; the line that convinces her is "tell your lover that a broken heart can mend," which is directed at ares.

not mentioning anticlea until she's already dead means her death doesn't really have the weight it should. he's desperate to get back to penelope and telemachus, so it just feels like he forgot about his mom, which makes that tragedy feel a little unearned. he should be just as concerned to get back to her as he is the other two, which means he should mention her whenever he sings about them in the first act. then it would actually matter more when we find out she's dead.

the rest is under a read more because i wrote a lot about athena, and because i need to give a trigger warning for sexual assault for my other points.

athena is clearly the strongest female character and is positioned to be a foil to odysseus. that being said, i didn't really follow her shift in philosophy - going back to look at the lyrics it's because she blames herself for teaching him to be cruel? the goodbye at the start is weird - she's mad at him for not being ruthless, but really the problem is that he's arrogant - which is still something she could chastise him for. idk. either way i don't think her evolution was explored well at all - she basically just changes her mind because she misses him, not because she has actually seen anything to suggest mercy is good. and it's weird that she's only at the beginning, in the wisdom saga, and at the very end. her stuff isn't terrible, but it needs to be better distributed throughout the musical so there can be an evolution. give her one more song towards the end of act one, break up the wisdom saga so her story feels like it's part of the musical instead of a weird distraction in the middle, and actually show us why she starts to think mercy is good. as is her character is too reliant on odysseus in a way that really hurts that the story. bringing up telemachus earlier and exploring that relationship, or penelope and ithica, gives you a chance for athena to see something that helps her change her mind. (i have more to say about her story but that's just about fixing the plot. i think i've made my point here.

okay trigger warning for real.

calypso is really weirdly done. she has one song where she's pressuring him to be with her, and then a song where she refuses to apologize for "unrequited love" or something. odysseus is upset with her and struggling with ptsd in the first song, and then says he loves her in the second. it feels like the musical wants you to have an overall favorable impression of her. there's a lot of discussion about whether or not this is a case of sexual assault in the fandom posts i've seen, but i don't think that's something the musical is discussing. if anything, it takes the stance that it isn't, at least in this version, and that calypso is just some sad girl who wants to be loved. that being said, i've seen some pretty disgusting hatred directed towards calypso in those posts - not clear if it's for the original version, this one, or if there's any difference. either way, the musical needs to decide if calypso is bad/problematic or if she's good/misunderstood, and both of her songs need rewriting. (there's also something to be said about her being the only visibly black female character, but i don't know much about the actual actors for the musical so i'll leave this be for now. but that did stick out to me while watching the animatics.)

i have very mixed opinions about the sirens. the imagery of a group of men standing over and brutalizing a group of women as they beg for their lives was pretty heavy. i don't hate it - it very much sells the idea that the men have become monsters. however, it really bothers me that it basically just. happens. and then we move on. odysseus agonizes over so many choices, but this one seems like it was easy for him, and he doesn't suffer any guilt over it. no one challenges it. so overall it just comes off as a reason to brutalize women, which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. i wish we'd at least get pushback from some of the crew so there's at least some conversation about how maybe this isn't 100% justified. instead, the only mention of the sirens is in god games, where... apollo gives a half-hearted argument about how the sirens sing catchy songs. the other gods at least have a point. and with all of this, athena's retort just feels very victim-blame-y to me. overall, i think there's a way to keep the stuff with the sirens in - but there needs to be more delicacy in how the whole thing is handled.

and finally, penelope. she's probably the worst-written female character in the musical. she exists to 1) be odysseus's motivation/prize, and 2) assure odysseus that he's actually a good person and sure, every terrible thing he did was totally fine, no issue. her first song, which isn't until the last saga, just 1) tells us she's sad, and 2) gives us odyssey plot. the challenge doesn't really do anything to the musical's plot, so you might as well cut it. and her only other song is the finale, where she assures odysseus she loves him and never doubted him and she has no qualms over anything he did because she's a Strong Woman so she still loves him unconditionally. also the bit about the bed is confusing. it's clearly only in there because of the odyssey, and it makes no sense for the musical. penelope has no character in this musical.

(i acknowledge this is a bit hypocritical, but i would actually cut the actual penelope out of the musical. the mentions and cameos of odysseus's idea of her, and the bit with the sirens, can stay, but actual penelope never shows up. i would lean into the idea of her being his prize in a way that leaves you a little unsettled. but also i think odysseus should be the bad guy in the end, so.)

and finally, i hate the decision to introduce the threat of the suitors gang-raping penelope. we already know the suitors aren't great. they're demanding penelope marry one of them. they beat up the kid. there's no need to evoke such a graphic image; i felt sick the first time i heard it, and i don't even have experience with/trauma related to sexual assault. the only point of this song is to justify odysseus slaughtering the suitors, because actually they're all terrible, horrible people. which again just weakens the idea that odyssseus is some kind of monster, because this very intentionally makes him look like a hero. between the decision to downplay the idea of circe or calypso sexually assaulting odysseus (both interpretations popular in what fandom posts i have seen) alongside the brutal violence perpetrated against the sirens and the intentional addition of a whole song about gang-raping penelope, the musical has an uncomfortable focus on violence against women. it's gratuitous and serves no purpose.

[burningcheese-merchant]

It's so cool to see CRK getting popular again, it feels so refreshing like so much new quality fan content dropping that we couldn't even DREAM about a couple of months ago, but it hurts my very soul seeing new players being interested in beast x ancient ships, in their dynamics, asking is it okay to ship it and getting slapped in the face with another "IT'S ABUSER X VICTIM IT'S A PROSHIP IT'S A DARKSHIP" (which is just not true) killing off all the fun, bc apparently enemies to lovers, AUs and what-ifs doesn't exist anymore and everything that isn't pure fluff is illegal now. "IT'S NOT ENEMIES TO LOVERS, BEASTS ABUSED AND TORTURED THEM" yeah THAT'S WHAT ENEMIES DO??? What else do you expect from a villain honestly??? Like in ANY media??? Beasts still got their ass beat in the end as they totally deserve BECAUSE ANCIENTS ARE NOT SOFT INNOCENT SMALL BABIES THAT NEED TO BE PROTECTED, they're grown ass IMMORTAL ADULTS with huge responsibilities, they rule kingdoms, they hold a huge power in their hands, they're imperfect and not innocent. They can stand for themselves, they can fight, they can destroy, they can lie and they WILL if they need to.

I can SMELL that a shit tonne of people in this fandom secretly enjoys beast x ancient as a guilty pleasure, a forbidden fruit, but they will never admit it just because they're afraid of being harassed and bullied and it's just sad how normalized it is to hurt actual people over shipping some mobile game characters, who are adults, doesn't have power imbalance between them and aren't related.

And allat coming from ME, who doesn't ship a single beast x ancient ship

It's sad lol. Sad for the Beast x Ancient community and honestly kind of pathetic for ardent detractors at this point. I've seen sooooo many Beast x Ancient fans get harassed and even sent death threats, it's not even funny (not that it ever was in the first place). Don't you have better things to do than get this mad about video games lol. Like a job or school or a hobby or something

You're right, the Ancients are not helpless widdle babies and I'm kind of sick of how often they're infantilized, in general and just for the sake of tearing down BxA. They're grown adults who are thousands of years old. Two of them are parents, whose children are grown adults themselves. 4 of 5 founded entire nations. 1 is an active ruler still (Cacao), one seeks to rule again (Golden). Let's not kid ourselves, they've probably all got blood on their hands (not to the degree the Beasts do, but still. You don't live that life without having to make tough choices). Stop treating them like porcelain dolls lol. Yes, the Beasts attacked them, but they're villains. That's what villains do. Go play Animal Crossing if you can't handle heroes and villains fighting each other lol

And then I get a laugh whenever those same people who screech about toxicity and abuse and yadda yadda turn around and ship H*llyt*ya or Sh*dowSp*ce. The former is BxA in a different costume. The latter... Man. You know. Because TWO deranged maniacs, who are fundamentally incompatible in every way and do not make sense at all and absolutely would hurt each other and bring each other down I hate that ship so damn much. Do not ask me abt it I WILL ramble and nobody needs that. Zero beef with fans though, we're coolio! Just a difference of opinion!, is such a better option, isn't it lol. Hypocrisy.

I'm sure you noticed that ep 7 + 8 brought out a whole lot of new ShadowVanilla fans. I agree w/ you, I can feel that there are a fuckton of BxA fans lurking in the darkness, waiting for an excuse to poke their heads out (like 7 + 8 lol), only hiding because they don't want to attract lunatics. Even YOU sent this ask anonymously. Most of my inbox is stuff from anons, and I look at them all and wonder, "how many of you are just afraid of backlash for expressing any joy in BurningCheese or any of the other BxA pairs?" It's ok, guys. Don't listen to them. Be you. I'm being me right now, as cringy as I am. I am Extremely Normal about BurningCheese and I'm not ashamed :) they're video game characters at the end of the day, just have fun. Why can't we all just be bros, man, what does any of this matter

[starryeyed-seer]

I need to put it eloquently & will some day but. bc I've butt heads again with someone about this in the fl discord...

I do not have an issue with the sun/bazaar relationship being heavily one sided, toxic, just a bit weird, messed up from a power dynamic pov. these are great things which add spice to any dynamic. one of them is a god bound to an oppressive reality-dictating Law who determines What Is with its vision. the other is a highly dedicated freak. to say it is an equal relationship with no tricky factors would be silly.

but I do continue to feel strongly about it being Only Abusive. certainly some of it is personal distaste for how many handle the topic of abuse. I have seen more than enough takes which take the concept of "the sun/bazaar was abusive" and follow through to "the bazaar is delusional hysterical (Woman™️) who was used, abused, and abandoned by sol, and now mourns the relationship (like a moron) and just needs to Get Over It." This kind of take sucks. Reducing the Bazaar to simply a Crazy Victim just sucks.

I also just don't like how much this reduces the bazaar's agency as a character. it spends a lot of time being miserable and drinking but it is undeniably very capable and intelligent. it didn't just stumble into the neath blindly to pine pathetically for 1000s of years. say what you will of its motivations and actions, it is an active agent in its story.

however. the other part I dislike about positioning suncrab as Simply Shitty Abusive is that narratively... it'd really suck. "in matters of the bazaar, look to love, always" is a strong quote bc it extends outside the bazaar to... the bizarre. when times are strange and hard and everything's overturned it's like you've fallen into a Weird Cave, look to love, always. it can continue and exist. there is no fertile earth here, and love still can grow.

FL isn't a thing where we can have a 'narrative conclusion' for the bazaar, but imagine if the game ended and there was an epilogue and it was just. 'the bazaar was 1000% wrong. it was in a shitty relationship and needed to get over its ex. it killed all those people and did all those ridiculous things, and it was for nothing, because it was an idiot in a abusive relationship'. Is that. satisfying for anyone.

of course, even if suncrab is some happily ever after scenario, it still Can Never Be. Whatever those two are, it isn't something that can exist without thousands, millions of dead. but what's wrong with that?

this is what I was talking about with someone where.... yes, a theme of fallen london is love, which can be consuming, toxic, dangerous, alluring, hungry.... so many things! could a one sided endless yearning in an unhappy relationship bazaar fit that theme? sure.

but a destructive cosmic somewhat mutual love also fits that. these two love each other, in their own weird ways. they both are doing illegal red science and causing huge problems and also all the murder/cannibalism. why can't they just match each other's freak. the bazaar is already displaying a complicated, hungry, obsessive love! if that love is mutual, if that love is happy, it's still Pretty Dark Because Of The Bodies.

Like.

Okay you can tell I'm rambling because I'm a bit annoyed, but I hope you get it. I'm sick of crab misogyny. I think making the Setting Inciting Incident pointless and about abuse goes against theme. I think if you want them to be unhappy or toxic, you don't need to make it so the Bazaar is Just A Victim Who Has To Get Over A Shit Boyfriend. I think it being a complicated affair steeped in the laws of society and chains of caste is more interesting.

the moon makes me anxious.

(look I'm just hyper aware of abuse narratives in fiction and the way they are written and perceived, and while I generally like FBG and trust FL's writing, I don't exactly trust the broad concept of 'a fandom' with those storylines yknow)

[pikapitou]

wip day of the week

@effervescentwolf tagged me. some wednesday. to post a wip! thank you wolf... I don't know if I'll get around to finishing this presumed deaddie thing bc it's weird to write an arc while the show is. co-currently writing that arc at the same time as you. but i wanna share the opening scene :) idk who's writing these days... @tallsinspace if u wanna share anything pls feel free. anyway without further ado.

Three days without contact is not that long. Buck tries to convince himself of that fact, but he had also tried to convince himself that two days wasn't that long; twenty-four hours; twelve. He checks his phone again. Eddie still hasn't read his last message, or the one before that, or the ten before that. His leg is bouncing so hard that Hen and Chim's solitaire game jitters on the table, Kings mixing with the Queens.

Hen sighs. "Buck," she says, and waits for him to glance up at her, "if something was going on, I'm sure someone would—"

He's shaking his head before she finishes. "I'm—" his voice rasps worse than he expected, and he swallows with a click. "I'm not his emergency contact anymore. When he started at his station, he—yeah."

Eddie had sounded so apologetic about it, even though it was probably stupid for Buck's name to be there for as long as it was after he moved. It's not like Buck can do anything to help Eddie from here.

And the other thing? Buck had thought, and didn't ask, and kept thinking about, and not asking.

There's a pause, and he just knows they're exchanging one of those sad, little looks everyone keeps giving each other whenever they think he's acting especially pathetic. He's glad he didn't see it; if he did he might scream.

"You could text his mom?" Chim offers, then very quickly adds in a way that means Hen just raised an eyebrow at him, "Not that I think anything's wrong."

Buck turns his phone over and over and over in his hands. He doesn't have her number. He'd asked for it, before Eddie left, and Eddie had gotten quiet in that bad way, told him nothing was going to happen, which he knew as a first responder was never a fact, so that just meant he didn't want Buck to have it. Buck hadn't pushed, because—he didn't know why. Because if that was what Eddie needed to do, then Buck was going to let him do it.

He could text Chris, but if he texted Chris is your dad okay? and Eddie was okay, just busy, or ignoring him, or lost his phone in the El Paso desert, then it would be—it would be a whole thing, and Eddie was handling it. Alone. Because Eddie handled everything alone.

His phone buzzes in his hands—startling him so bad that he drops it, clattering onto the table at full volume and full vibration and mixing the solitaire game beyond salvation.

"See," Hen says, poorly masking her own relief.

Buck fumbles for his phone and—stares. Then he answers at the same time that he untangles himself from the chair and heads for the railing of the station loft for the illusion of being out of earshot. "Chris," he says, almost all air, "hey—"

"Do you just"—there's a vitriol in Chris's voice that would have made Buck stumble if he were walking—"not care or something?"

Reflexively, Buck looks over his shoulder at the table; Hen and Chim not bothering to hide that they're watching. They make eye contact, and maybe any other time it would be comforting, but right now there's only one other person in the world he wishes was here for this conversation.

"I always care, Chris," Buck says, keeping his voice calm and careful as he starts down the stairs, thinking in the back of his mind about the bunkroom or maybe outside; if the alarm goes he'll have to be the man behind, no other option. "I care like crazy, but could you tell me what's wrong?"

On the other end Chris sucks in this sharp breath that has Buck bracing for another drop of acid—but nothing comes. All he hears is Chris's ragged breathing, each hitch making Buck's heart lurch in his chest.

"Chris?" he asks. "Hey, c'mon, can you talk to me?"

"Did," Chris starts, and the anger has drained so completely from his voice that he just sounds unbearably small, "did abuela not tell you?"

Buck didn't make it to the bunkroom. He didn't make it outside. He's stuck, exposed, in the middle of the firehouse as the Earth slides off its axis into the death spiral of a blackhole.

"Tell me what?" he asks.

[fivescocoa]

Kandreil thoughts?

for wip game 6/4 | prev wip post for kandreil thoughts

ive been sitting on this oneshot for MONTHS at this point. i just can't get myself to finish it. it deserves to see the light of day bc therere so many parts im proud of but like. I STRUGGLE TO FINISH ANYTHING RIP

📌 a whole scene from kandreil thoughts:

Kevin rested his head on top of Neil’s, with arms hung over his shoulders and chest leaned against him. They both only had one class this morning, but in the few hours they’d been away from the dorm, a chill had infested the place. Between the two of them, Neil ran colder, but Kevin would be lying if he said he was only clinging for Neil’s benefit. The Nest was frigid like this which left Kevin uneasy, and stealing Neil’s warmth grounded him firmly. Neil was spreading cream cheese on his freshly toasted bagel when a strangled huff escaped him. It reverberated up through Kevin’s chest. He hummed a questioning noise in response and dropped his head, so their temples rested together. “Just thinking about practice.” Neil’s hands paused, clenching the butter knife. His body stiffened at the admission, in a way that Exy alone would never cause. “About practice? Or about Jack?” The shrug Neil gave pushed against Kevin’s limply hung arms. “He challenges every decision I make, on and off court. It’s—” Neil gestured wildly with the butter knife as he searched for words to describe Jack. “He doesn’t think you should be vice-captain.” “No kidding.” “Do you think you should be vice-captain?” “Yes." Neil bit back immediately, then paused a beat, truly thinking the question over. “No. I don’t know.” “With the way you’ve been handling him, that uncertainty is apparent. It’s like blood in the water. Can you really blame the shark?” “Fuck you.” Neil went back to spreading his cream cheese. Kevin pulled out of his warm orbit, accepting the chilly air in favor of facing Neil. He leaned against the counter next to him, crossing his arms as he stooped his head to catch those piercingly beautiful blue eyes. “Start acting like you earned your place here because you did. You’re going to be Court, Neil.” “Careful or I might think you’re complimenting me.” “Is that so hard to believe?” Neil barked a laugh at that and turned back to his half-done bagel. Admittedly, Kevin was hard on the team. He demanded their best and pushed their limits to garner his desired results. But he was working on doling out positive reinforcement as much as he did critiques. Kindness wasn’t apart of Evermore’s curriculum. No one applauded when you were succeeding. You either were meeting their high standards or were baring an amount of bruises equal to your failure. Weeks where he got to play without those painful, colorful reminders littering the places armor didn’t protect were how he knew he was getting better. But even on his good weeks, the guilt never stopped. He’d laid awake at night sick to his stomach about every lost scrimmage, every hesitated pass, every slip in attention to the ball’s position. This concept of contrition was etched so deeply into his relationship with the world that he was doomed to forever be on his knees begging for absolution. Before coming to Palmetto, he couldn’t have imagined anything besides shame and pain inspiring change. He knew now, from experience with the Foxes, that encouragement could play a vital role in building a players' confidence. But even with this knowledge, breaking the habit of throwing people’s mistakes in their face was a challenge. He couldn’t get it through his head that his teammates didn’t share the same pride and relief when they started practice with their body a clean slate, free of aching bruises on their thighs and coaches looking for a reason to inflict more. He was trying though. He wished Neil knew that he was serious about his praise.

[servndipityz]

namgyu definitely uses those 3 in 1 face hair body gels. that guy CANT take care off his hair at all. also i think when hes working he’s ties his hair into a ponytail.

yeah i just wanted to yap about his hair can you blame me 😔😔

PH MY GAWWWDDD thank you so much anon for this because you’re so right!!!!!

i lowkey think a 3-in-1 is too fancy for him, actually. i fully believe he just washes his hair with regular shower gel—if he remembers to! it wouldn’t be the first time he’s forgotten and just… watered it down like a plant.

i also think his shower gel is some random one he stole from a hotel. yk, those little bottles they leave in the bathroom, so cheap that the hotel doesn’t even care if you take them.

the man could wash himself with hand sanitizer, HE DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!! but don’t get me wrong, i think he’s a pretty clean guy.

like, i feel like he’d get so bothered by body odor or just feeling dirty in general, even if his way of handling it is using a 10473829-in-1 gel and axe deodorant.

he’d invest in a good perfume, though. fully believes it’s the easiest way to smell good without putting in all that effort. definitely thinks he’s cracked the code.

he just doesn’t really care all that much about his hair, i fear. it’s just… there. i don’t think he gives it a second thought, but he does think he looks good with that hair length. doesn’t cut it himself, but some druggie friend who swears he “took lessons” (his ex was a hairdresser) does it for him, and all he asks for in return is a blunt or two.

now the ponytail……… the ponytail………. thank u so much anon for putting that image in my mind.

so. the man has absolute no idea of how to do a ponytail, and would rather die than ask.

probably thinks that if he doesn’t know how to “properly” do it, he can get away with wearing a ponytail bc it's in a nonchalant, manly way. definitely binge-watched a video tutorial on it while high but turned it off the second the woman in the video called him “sweetheart.”

anyway, one way or another, he manages. he mostly only puts it up for work—when he has to move boxes around or clean the venue before a big event. but he can’t tie it all the way, so the front pieces are always falling in front of his face.

the only time he actually makes the effort to tie it properly is when eating pussy.

probably uses a random rubber band he took from a wad of cash instead of an actual hair tie. always has it on his wrist. lost it during one of the games, which is why he’s constantly pushing his hair behind his ears.

ORRRR ALTERNATIVELY…… he lost it because he thought it was the funniest thing to keep throwing it at you—until one time, it flew too far while walking up the stairs. has also accidentally hit other players with it while trying to annoy you.

lastly, i think he once laughed at some dude for wearing a man bun, until his friend pointed out that, technically, while it’s not exactly a man bun, nam-gyu also wears a ponytail. didn’t speak to his friend for the rest of the day.

[if-seal]

Dear IF Seal,

I am writing an if for the first time and yet to release a demo. I have an idea on character customization that I haven't really seen in the many ifs I've played. I'm looking forward to writing it but also nervous on how it would be received, which is why I'm asking for your opinion. A bit of background, my if only has five deities as love interests (none of them are gendered, gender-locked, or gender flippable, but there are some gendered secondary character deities). Because of their supernatural nature, the love interests can choose how their human form manifests. Question: What do you think, as a player, about customizing the (human) looks of a love interest?

This one love interest is cheerful, energetic, always up for a new experience! But they have no real desires of their own, even though they are the deity of ambition. They don't care for a human form so I'm thinking their default could be mist or if needed, some animal form that can grab like an octopus (yes, this is also for the wanton ones who do-not-care-about-looks and who do-love-these-kinds-of-looks). If the MC chooses not to help them customize, but in the future they get into a serious romantic relationship, the LI would observe the preferences of the MC and make a human form based on that so that they could "properly" kiss. (If it matters, the LIs are really young for deities, so no age gaps with the human player, lol.)

I've been toying around with this idea and sometimes I think it's great and other times I feel like it's a terrible one. Flipping a coin is no help. I feel like I would be exposing some sort of hidden desire of my own in asking my if player friends so I'm too shy to mention it to them yet (⸝⸝⸝╸﹏╺⸝⸝⸝). If for some miracle, someone figured out the game's name, no need to mention it or me, but feel free to share your reactions on this, bc that is what I'm asking about.

No worries if you don't reply soon, take your time!

Thank you ❤︎

Dear Customising Romance Friend,

Thank you for your patience! I hadn't reached your first message by the time your second one came in, so I am delighted to hear that you feel more confident in allowing flexibility in the romantic interests you are writing. I do hope that you have been having fun writing your new project and best of luck with it!

I do have a couple of additional thoughts about customisation to add, if I may share!

I believe your idea about shapeshifting gods sounds like it could be plenty of fun, especially for those folks who enjoy monster--ah, kissing. I prefer to eat octopi rather than kiss them but I know others will feel differently about such things.

I was interested in what you said about feeling shy about potentially revealing a hidden desire - perhaps it does to some degree, but we always reveal aspects of ourselves in some ways when we write. The romantic side of things may feel more revealing than other aspects of writing, but it would be wrong to assume that for example an author is Secretly Into every romantic trope they write, or would want anything like that in real life, or that they necessarily prefer one character over another based on what's in the game.

So I am sending you hope that you grow in confidence in sharing ideas with your IF playing pals.

Jumping off your query about customising looks, there is a fairly established practice of including gender-selectable characters in IF, with varying levels of variation between them; looks-selectable is less common. I think if you are dealing with shapeshifting creatures or gods, it seems fairly organic to handle in-game. The creature says "would you enjoy me having four arms right now so I can give you an even bigger hug" and the PC can say "yes, delightful" or "no, two arms is enough".

If everyone involved is human, and you're choosing "I want Aaron to have red hair" or "I'd prefer Aaron to have black hair" this feels like it makes less sense to me... perhaps because we are usually dealing with words rather than the mobile games where you can pick which sprite you find most attractive? Perhaps it's simply that I'm more used to the entirety of gender-selection rather than going for a more granular appearance-selection.

Something else I would add - again this isn't something you're doing, but I've seen it around the place so I believe it's worth considering: if you have one shapeshifting creature who's genderfluid among the rest of the cast being cis men or women (human or otherwise), please do consider including a nonbinary or genderfluid romantic interest who is not a shapeshifter as well. Shapeshifters engaging with gender is delightful, but it can be rather tiring when there are no non-shapeshifters also doing it.

Thank you for your questions! I ended up using them to go off on a few meandering tangents, but sometimes a swim in the sea goes that way.

Best wishes for your writing!

[sangrefae]

Hey! Could you do 🍷for everlarkthorne for the most recent ask game you posted?

this took longer than i wanted it to bc peeta is weirdly difficult to write for. also this took a weirdly introspective turn because i thought about him consistently being Weird about alcohol in the series and was like. Time to put him under the microscope. TY for requesting, though, it got me back to writing after a long break 🥹

---

The fire bathes the living room in a deep orange wash with its light, the kind he can only get with the rarer, fancier paints he had had far too much access to after the Games. If he were to paint this moment, he thinks to himself, he might have to take some of the sienna and mix it with a yellow, better to brighten it than white. There's no place he could use the white paint in the room, really---wherever the fire's light doesn't touch is drowned in shadow, the only other light from the kitchen doing little than defining the shapes of the furniture. The stark contrast serves to make Gale's angular features sharper, only highlighting the strong curve of Katniss's nose and the slightest edge of her brow because of the angle of her gaze.

Any attempt to recreate the scene would be fruitless, anyway. There's no way for him to capture the brightness of Gale's loud voice with paint, nor Katniss's responding giggles from her place curled up on the armchair. He'd need a different dimensional medium entirely to recreate the warm caress of the fire's heat from across the room, tinted by firelight in the late hour and the new bottle of liquor Gale had brought back from 10. It's called mezcal, he'd said, though Peeta had admittedly tuned the rest out after taking his usual polite sip and leaving the rest of it to the two of them.

It had burned just the same as any of the alcohol he'd ever had, but it's a testament to its strength that both Gale and Katniss have only had a glass each and yet seem as affected as they'd usually be after two drinks on a regular night. He can only tell that Katniss is still awake at all from her intermittent giggles at Gale's story; she's fallen asleep on his shoulder quicker after having far less to drink than she has tonight.

"It's one thing to see horses on TV in the Capitol, okay? It's another to have one, right in front of you... lookin' at you," Gale insists, reaching for his glass as he speaks. He'd recently topped it off, and it shows in his exaggerated, loose movements, his growing volume. He tends to get louder the more he drinks, Peeta has noticed, and his words flow easier than they ever have while sober.

Peeta's eyes flick to the bottle sitting on the table between the three of them, just once, before moving back to Gale. It still takes conscious effort to stop the impulse in its tracks, the only tell the slight twitch of his hand in the bottle's direction.

Dr. Aurelius had told him that it's a fear around alcohol that explains the anger it hides behind, an issue with the lack of control, the unpredictability. He'd never been able to deal with it well, to put it lightly. Another deeply buried and poorly healed wound, the origins muddied even without the tracker jacker venom scrambling his memories; he knows his mother wasn't much of a drinker.

Clearly, those few times she did were more than memorable enough.

At least he can work on it now, with most of the hijacking more or less handled. As much as it ever can be. In more accurate terms, he's working to make it yet another item on the long list of knee-jerk reflexes he's learned to suppress. Just another fear he'd been hardwired to associate with violence, his doctors and therapists working overtime to deprogram.

Maybe it's working. He doesn't feel quite as much like a cornered animal when in proximity to Haymitch anymore, which he'd mistakenly attributed to the hijacking before realizing that mistrust had begun far earlier than the Capitol sunk its claws into him.

"You've seen elk, though, 'n' they're nearly as big," Katniss interjects, slightly slurring her words. She's grinning, a rare enough sight by itself, but paired with her loopy giggle it's so precious that Peeta will always have the urge to run and grab his paints to memorialize it. "How different could they really be?"

Peeta joins in with Katniss's laughter this time, spurred by Gale's utterly incredulous expression thrown into further exaggeration by the flickering light.

"From a distance, do you know how easily an elk could fuck you up--?" He cuts himself off, opens and closes his mouth a few times before seeming to give up and flop back into the plush sofa. Katniss's laughter must be contagious, because Peeta's ribs are quickly growing sore from the strain. He has to press his back into the cushion of his armchair and force himself to breathe, cheeks still aching.

Maybe it's working, because he's scarcely felt safer than he does here, wrapped in warmth and easy laughter with the two people he can trust the most. Across from him, Gale groans in good-natured frustration at Katniss, and Peeta's smile grows.

[snail-sir]

I powered through two finals today I am treating myself to brainrot

There has been so much magister content lately and it is honestly fueling me. It's all so fun!! SO :D Meet my magisters!!! :DD my sillies!!! Disclaimer a LOT of rambling lmao

my sillies <33

Starting with Avaeryn! He's not the actual Magister Merlin, just a stand-in for now, because he's actually just another OC I decided to throw into this world, and it just devolved from there lmao. BUT this does play into my lore for Esperia Avaeryn 👀 because since I just threw him here, he's not supposed to exist in this world. Soooooo his soul is the only thing actually existing in this world that is Him. His soul, for some reason, decided to reside in the body of the actual Magister Merlin, Osiria, and accidentally booted out a chunk of her soul from her own body💀 this explains the amnesia for those two, bc Avaeryn literally Does Not Go Here and chunks of Osiris's memory got separated between body and soul. Don't ask me the science behind that bc I also don't know. Most of the magic Vaer knows is just Osiria's muscle memory or whatever little is left in that body.

Onto Osiria! She is the actual Merlin OC I made for this game, and therefore the Merlin people are usually referring to. She doesn't have the entirety of her memory anymore ofc since a chunk of her soul got booted out, so that chunk just follows her body around now lmao. She's just a non-corporeal being for the time being who can't really interact with stuff. However, I do think if one's magic is strong enough they can sense her, and maybe eventually see her, though Avaeryn's the only one who can do that rn. She doesn't know how to get back to her body and ofc Vaer doesn't know how to Not Be Here. Osiria still feels connected to her body in some way and can feel whatever goes on in there, as in emotions and injuries, and maybe in dire situations can retake control for precious moments. I hc that as a Merlin she's essentially immortal, although definitely not invincible. Like, her consciousness/soul can live forever and move onto a new body if she can't save her old body, but her bodies can live however long it can manage. But, since only a portion of Osiris's soul got kicked out of her body, her soul can't really find another body bc then there'll be two of her. Which is probably not good.

Personality wise these two are complete opposites.

Vaer is a very reserved and introverted person. He is the textbook definition of anti-social. He does not like being bothered. At All. So the fact that he is now this renowned mage that legit everyone knows and looks up to.. not liking that too much lmao. People are too friendly with him and he doesn't know how or want to handle that. He's also a very blunt and monotonous person, and on top of the fact he looks like he's gonna murder you 24/7, everything he says comes off as either sarcastic or rude. Osiria is giving it her soul's ALL to keep this guy from being like "why are you here. Leave me alone" to everyone he sees. They have the Merlin's reputation to uphold of course, and Vaer is making it SO hard for her. Like, Avaeryn's a good person. He's not gonna sit there and watch someone get mauled, and he's not gonna be intentionally rude or malicious or no reason. He's not even that easily annoyed, he just sounds like he constantly is lmao. (he Will throw hands if needed but he's smart enough to not. usually). He's quiet too but that also does not help with much at all. Monotonous and you can barely hear him. Which is driving Osiria insane. I literally made this guy so I can put him in games and pick rude dialogue without feeling that guilty LMAO

Osiria on the other hand is THE friend you wanna make. Very sweet, soft-spoken, and so So very caring. Wants to go out of her way to help anyone she comes across, and absolutely adores everyone around her. Perfect mother/big sister figure anyone would want. She nags Avaeryn a little too much for his liking bc if this lmao. She wants him to go help anyone and everyone, while all he wants to do is just be left alone. Which is never gonna happen. Though, she is a bit tooooo kind in the sense that she thinks everyone deserves to be helped, and will put her all into it. This can lead to her kindness being taken advantage of quite often, but good thing Vaer's rational enough to keep things balanced. The thing is, she's not stupid- she's aware that there's people taking advantage of her sweetness, but she just wants to help anyway. "It's best to help anyway because what's the point of leaving them stranded?" Avaeryn just thinks that they shouldn't inconvenience themselves if people can handle their own problems fine enough. People also don't like being called out by him (rightfully) lmao. Osiria thinks that's too mean though.

Relationship wise, they respect each other. Avaeryn stresses out Osiria a bit too much but overall, she understands that he usually means well, even though it often doesn't feel that way lmao. also that he's very much not a people person, so she doesn't make him go out strolling to find people to help just bc she feels like it. Wishes he doesn't scare her hamsters too much though. Vaer respects Osiria a lot as a person and as a magister. He understands that she's an important figure and therefore isn't as rude when she's around, especially since she's way too nice. He'll feel bad. Complies with her wishes more often than he would for other people bc he did technically overtake her body, and it's not like there's much else he can do lol. Overall they give more of a brother/sister relationship than anything else, and balance each other out quite well

Memes lmao

Tldr: I isekai-ed an oc who is now the supposed magister, and part of the soul of the actual Merlin now follows him around bc his soul booted hers out of her own body 💀 magister stand-in hates people which makes everything so much harder than it needs to be

[rahleeyah]

I’m curious about how you’re feeling about OC episode 2 now that it’s three weeks out. Because there are people who are so annoyed by it after waiting 700 days for EO to reunite and that there was no movement to their relationship. That they wanted EO to have meaningful conversations or just momentum.

I think there was movement to their relationship 🤷🏼‍♀️ like for real I just watched it for the second time this weekend, and I still think it was fantastic - it was entertaining, and eo were on their A game. Elliot gets hurt and Liv is there with no hesitation, jumping straight into crazy shit with him and touching his face. Just before that he's the one she calls when someone threatens Noah; he's the one who comes for her. There's a comfort, an ease, a certainty between them now that wasn't there before Ohio; that's momentum to me.

I think what you mean is people wanted there to be a kiss or some spelled out declaration of feelings or some confirmation they were fucking, which is different from conversations and momentum; it's confirmation. And I don't think we're gonna get that any time soon.

And I'm kind of ok with that.

On a character level, big emotional fraught conversations isn't who they are. We can point to a handful throughout the first 12 years. A handful, 4-5 at most (the hospital, the steps, throw in "it's too complicated" and "you do it cause you have to" if you like, etc) across twelve years. Words is not their medium. It never has been. They're action people. What they do is what matters. And what did they do? Showed up for each other, without hesitation. Without the doubt that's been keeping them apart. She's not ignoring his calls anymore; she's there. And so is he.

On a practical level. We are not gonna get the things we talk about. A Lewis convo, the bottle episode of my dreams, several seasons of them dating. The show has built itself on the possibility; I am coming to believe more and more that the possibility will only ever come at the end. Bc the possibility is what they're selling, not the reality.

And personally I'm fine with that; I'd rather keep getting episodes of them going off on adventures together than see the show handle their relationship poorly. A reveal that they've secretly been sleeping together - which is this show's MO - would be a slap in the face to me. Them being cute and soft at home would be less interesting to me personally than whatever the fuck they've got going on now.

The problem is I think we, fandom as a whole, sometimes get so excited about our ideas for what could be that we start to expect them without grounds. There was no indication that this episode was gonna be anything other than what it was - that it would touch on what EO are to each other, that's what Chris said. And it did.

The support that they are to one another, the way Elliot is going off the rails and Randall incorrectly blames that on him trying to make his father proud while Liv instinctively understands his real reasons for doing it - and shares those motivations, and helps him - speaks to the depth of their connection. The fact that they're in this now, not separate from one another but with one another, helping one another, showing up for one another, that's big.

We want it to be the EO show but it's not. Neither of em. It's the Elliot show and the Olivia (mostly) show. So Elliot's show is gonna be about him, and SVU is gonna be what it's been since s13 - Liv heavy, but still doing character work only fleetingly. Whole seasons of 1.0 passed with only one or two major EO™ moments; we remember those moments so well we sometimes forget how much time passed in between them.

The hot dog cart only sells hot dogs. It has always only sold hot dogs. How can we be mad when we go to the hot dog cart and find out we can't get a burger?

This is not to say like. No one should have hope and eo is never gonna happen; I think it will, eventually. But I think when it happens it won't look like what we expect. And I think that in the meantime, what fandom creates, the beautiful universes we draw in our heads, the conversations we have and the connections we make, are fed by episodes like this one. That give us just enough to keep us inspired, to keep the creativity flowing, to keep us dreaming. Sometimes I prefer to dream, to tell my own story. Isn't it better to dream, sometimes, than to have someone come and say no you're wrong this is how it happens? To have hundreds of versions of the story, instead of just one?

Anyway. I liked the episode a lot lol

[violexides]

not sure where my danganronpa followers/friends ended up so i'm jsut going to post here and reblog onto my other more active blog, BUT as always i got reminded of danganronpa yesterday via a dream i had over 2-2 and now am like. locked in analyzing it idk

I think getting older & reflecting, THH is objectively the best game in the series, but SDR2 is my favorite-- which feels weird to say that the best game isn't my favorite but i've just had to concede that THH is really good but I think about SDR2 more.

I think THH is the only game in the series that actually handles grief properly, and it does something interesting with character relationships because of that where by the end of the game-- whether you like the survivors or not-- there is established rapport between them all, and you feel like those relationships built. SDR2 really handled grief badly in most cases (just by making it nonexistent), and it definitely tried to do the progressive relationships thing, but ultimately what made SDR2 itself is very fixed and fascinating character relationships that-- when the parties involved in them die-- they just... like that relationship becomes a legacy. So you still see especially after 2-5 that Hinata has character relations with everyone else that are like solid and justified and had exhibited signs of growth, but because you don't really see as much grief throughout the games you're not as compelled to those relationships instinctually as in THH. Still I do think SDR2 did a good job w character relationships (WAY better than v3 but I cant even think abt v3 or ill get so mad lmfao)

SDR2 really just did a lot of DR trope subversions and I think most were successful (2-1 and 2-5 are both really cool plays on the whole trial triad situation, and that's why I'm really fond of those cases). I also think the individual cases of SDR2 with the exception of 2-3 (which i hate) were immensely more complicated and interesting than anything else we've seen, HOWEVER, THH because of its better grasp on character grief and emotions has a lot more compelling cases-- like 1-2 is one of the best cases in the series, and it makes 1-3 all the more interesting as a juxtaposition, and i think DR tried and failed to make anything as emotionally compelling as 1-4 (like in 3-5, which went for a similar thing and fucked it up). Like THH had good cases EVERY SINGLE CASE, they were all really good, but SDR2 for me is just a lot more compelling solely because of 2-2 and 2-5 which are my two favorite cases in the games (as a Koizumi and Komaeda fan lol)

Like idk. Sorry this is useless analysis i just have so many fucking thoughts about DR. I also am going to throw this out there bc i was talking abt it earlier today: I think a lot of the cases in SDR2 are really good but the overarching plot is lacking a tether beyond just Komaeda's character being perfect, because there's not really any teasers into the ending plot of the game, at least not as much as THH (and begrudgingly v3). I rlly wish that Nanami knew that Hinata was a Reserve student for example, I think if there was always a tension about Hinata's ultimate (not necessarily antagonistic tension just a noticeable Nanami (and later Komaeda) Knows Something I Don't) it would make that payoff all the better. The rest of the plot being kind of mid isn't even SDR2's fault at least on the Remnants of Despair front; SDR2 just inherited the overarching Danganronpa plot hole of How Does A Single Incident In Japan Send The Whole World Into An Apocalypse (subscript: It Would Make Way More Sense If DR Just Concerned Japan), and while THH could fly under the radar with this plot because it's a bit more open ended and contained, SDR2 trying to build on it just made it rlly obvious

Um anyway tldr i love SDR2 and Koizumi and Komaeda forever, and THH is also like a genuinely good piece of media imo. IDK if I can say with my full chest that SDR2 is a good piece of media, like I do love it extremely much and it's one of my favorite pieces of media and I think it's good but I don't know if I would say it is legitimately good, but I do think I can say that THH is like a legit good piece of media. and then lastly I hate v3 LOL but I respect ppl on the v3 grindset because I strongly believe that it's just a being cut out of different fabric thing like v3 has as many compelling things as SDR2 does but like compelling to what person, compelling objectively but not to me, but idk some people also hate Komaeda which i think is objectivley wrong so idk the world is beautiful in its diversity. I support v3 nation I just literally get so mad abt it lmfao

[pigeonstab]

Since I got some free time I continued to play Outer Wilds and here is a recap of my progress! As usual, spoilers

Ok ok ok I officially added Giant's Deep to the planets I'm exploring! I think this might be my favorite planet out of all of them. The constant raining and swirling is so cozy... Yes, the gravity is a bit annoying, but other than that it's super chill

Met Gabbro! The only one I 100% remember by name I'd say. WHAT A CHARACTER DESIGN. Awesome antenna horns. Suit DESIGNED to be able to play the flute. And it's so so so so so much fun to have someone who not only understands, but is also super chill about it. Also shout out to Gabbro for giving me a meditation button so that I don't have to search for a way to die lmaoooo

Finally found a way to the observatory, which definitely taught me more about the Eye

Oh and about how to go under the current. Which I did. Not sure how to enter the electrical sphere though, but I think the answer includes the jellyfish. Also the recording on one of the islands says that Feldspar (?? iirc) knows the way to do it, but yeah. That means going to Dark Bramble

Also idk how I hallucinated one or two masks shining somewhere within the Ash twin, but it's three. One more person who's looping too. So my guess stands, either it's Feldspar or! Some poor last Nomai.

Still not sure how to get inside though. But btw now I'm HUNDRED percent certain the sun is Nomai's fault, all the writings confirm that, and they made the Statues specifically so that it like. Doesn't happen. Because Ash Twin's core "can handle supernova". Which raises the question: what the fuck happened. Guys you were prepared for this you had the statues. And you made the technology. Guys it should be chill right. Current theory is they decided to die on purpose. Sacrifice their species. Somehow thinking that it's gonna change things?? We'll see

Oh also the thing orbiting the Giant's Deep is pretty cool. Knowing more about it I started paying it more attention as I wake up and!!! It shoots a different location every single time. Meaning!!!!!!! It's somehow unaffected by the time loop (+ potentially designed to work within it). Wasn't it made to search for the Eye? By just kinda trying random locations? I think that's what's going on. Were they hoping that once it finds it... the loops would end? The sun doesn't supernova? Those two might be connected

Also damn the sun for its gravitational pull I just wanted to look at the sun station. (Admittedly I didn't try THAT hard but yk. Damn. Also the station is spinning so fast)

Also I THINK I'm supposed to search inside the Interloper, but I haven't found any ways in. Oh and it does fly into (close enough to) the sun several times per loop, at least two. Bc it does that at the beginning for sure

COMPLETELY FORGOT AND REMEMBERED WHILE PROOFREADING. ANGLERFISH!! I finally found the way into the anglerfish cave. Useful info, but also the game thing is so adorable aaaaa. Genuinely the kinda stuff I'd play as a kid

And the way they write constantly and their recordings are the text you can LOOK AT suggests they usually used written language as opposed to spoken. Because why would the kids be discussing the rules of the game in writing and not just words

Ok I thinkkkkkk that's all. Peace and love and hope you're having a great summer :]

Yeassss we love Gabbro, they're definitely one of my favorites.

One mask for you, one for Gabbro and one for the road. You're right about the probe being designed to work within the time loop. (Why those two answers are in the same paragraph I'll let you find out)

There are two ways of getting to the sun station (I'm guessing you haven't gotten inside yet?) I found one of them by dumb luck and circumstance lol, so keep lookin' cause it'll answer a lot of things (also. Talk to Chert?)

The interloper ahhh I think you're gonna have a special moment with that one I don't wanna say too much y'know? But do search its entire surface (and butt) if you haven't yet, it'll give you some hints you're already on the right path with its orbit.

Yessss I think the Nomai writing is so so cool, and you can also see how different the kids' writing is from the adults', with the kids it's bigger and less neat, I love it...

[totallyboatless]

It is time, friends, for another Pip's Weed Essay game. The rules: I'm about to take an edible and start writing a mini-essay in one sitting. I edit a tiny bit as I go, but for the most part this is on the fly. I've thought about this topic a lot, but haven't outlined it. I'll let you know when the edible hits, but there's a chance you'll realize it before I do. (PIRATE FRIENDS STICK AROUND - this is Pip from the future, I get pretty high in this, but anyway I'm here to tell you that this goes in a very unintended OFMD direction that i'm still reeling from. Anyway back to Past Pip)

Edible ingestion commencing, time: 7:37pm Mountain Time

I polled my followers for the topic, so today we're going to talk about:

Fixing the Puck Problem

I've read and seen A Midsummer Night's Dream more than any other Shakespeare play. At this point I don't know if I've seen it so much because it's my favorite, or enough opportunities for me to see it have lined up that it's become my favorite by default. It's easily the Shakespeare play I know best. I haven't seen a staging that I fully disliked, but there are two elements of this show that I feel like are rarely handled the way I want them to be.

Problem one:

Puck will never be as funny as Bottom

It's common to consider Puck to be the main character of A Midsummer Night's Dream. He's at the very least the most famous character in the play. Puck is a dream role, and obviously with his being a fairy, he's usually directed to be weird and whimsical--and a lot of the time, playing for laughs. It makes sense, he's a trickster, it's built into his nature.

But in modern day, his lines and actions don't translate as well as Bottom's. In all of the times that I've seen A Midsummer Night's Dream, I've *never* seen a production where Bottom fails to steal the entire show away from Puck. I've had multiple experiences where I could feel the director wanting me to laugh at Puck; I could see the reasons for the direction, but it just wouldn't hit. In those same productions, I've laughed so hard at the Bottom scenes that I cried.

I'm thinking particularly of the 2010 production with Judy Dench reprising Titania (honestly still in shock over seeing that lolol) and the 2019 Bridge Theatre production (which you can find streaming, it's *incredible*).

In the 2010 show, the Puck actor kept doing what honestly felt like a Woody the Woodpecker impression lol. He would pause for laughs and they just...wouldn't happen. Meanwhile, Bottom was set up with the kind of success that let him steal at least one scene from fucking Judy Dench.

In the 2019 Bridge Theatre production, I genuinely like the direction they gave Puck--he's a weird little twitchy Irish punk doing fucking aerial silk shit. But even with a unique vibe and a fun performance, it's still not enough to outshine Bottom.

Basically my thing is that I want to get to the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream and feel more connected to Puck. I *want* him to be my favorite. And there's just absolutely no way to make him my favorite if his core purpose is to be funny. Puck is supposed to be a larger-than-life being--the audience is never going to buy that when he's not even the largest character on the stage.

The second problem is smaller, and in fixing it there's also a fun chance to fix the Puck problem:

Problem two:

The audience usually doesn't understand why Titania and Oberon are fighting.

If you've gotten this far you're probably already a nerd who knows this, but gonna pose the question like I've done for other people I've seen the show with: Why are Titania and Oberon fighting? What's the core reason?

Bc you're a fucking nerd you probably yelled CHANGELING! Which yes, good for you, if I had become the Shakespeare professor I wanted to be but didn't have the money to become, you would be in my class and I would throw a snickers at you for a reward.

But the thing is, a *lot* of people who only know the play casually don't know. And most productions don't assist them in knowing.

Elaboration for non-nerds: Titania had a "and they were roommates" totally not at all lesbian relationship with a human women who was pregnant. The women dies in childbirth and Titania takes the child to raise, and she cherishes him more than anything, which is an extremely straight thing to do. In the play, the character is only referred to as the changeling. Oberon gets super jealous of this kid and wants to steal him away and make him join the Wild Hunt so that he can have Titania's full attention back, because he's got that issue creepy men get when they have kids and then are like "I'm jealous of my son because he's making it less likely for me to fuck my wife" and it's like "dude calm down with this projection of an Oedipal complex."

If you're not a coward and read Titania as in love with the changeling's mom, then Oberon's issues are maybe slightly less creepy, but like not really

So that's it really. Titania loves this kid of her sapphic lover that died. Oberon is jealous about it. He decides to play a trick on Titania both as a way to get revenge, and also as a distraction so he can steal the kid.

But the issue is that 1.) all of this is communicated in a long and kind of boring speech, and 2.) the changeling literally never has a line and also no stage directions

The 2010 production had a hot dude chained up and writhing on stage in a kind of hot dance snake movement thing when Titania talks about him, but most productions never even have an actor cast as the changeling. I was really shocked they didn't have anyone for the 2019 production, given how much I love most of the rest of their choices.

OKAY SO. We now have the two problems: Puck isn't the fan favorite even though he should be; and most people in the audience have no fucking idea about the changeling.

(THIS IS HIGH PIP FROM THE FUTURE I FORGOT SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TO THIS PROBLEM: If you do know about the changeling/follow along with that plot, it's *very* hard to root for Titania and Oberon when they reconcile. Which can be fun and cool and a little hot even maybe if you're going all dark, but thIS IS A PLAY ABOUT HORNY FAERIES HAVING A GOOD TIME so I won't be having that. I want this play to make me like that Titania forgives Oberon so easily. Okay Past Pip, take it away)

lol okay yeah weed friend has landed, I just wandered away for a minute with a desperate need to put taquitos in the air fryer. Time stamp: 8:16.

OKAY FOR REAL NOW LET'S GET INTO:

Pip's Most Ideal Staging of A Midsummer Night's Dream Which Fixes the Problems in Theory

The Staging:

First off I want the production to be in the middle of the literal woods where there's pretty lights in all the trees and people are sitting on blankets and have snacks and drinks and drugs and whatever they want, and the whole staging has the actors weaving through the audience. Not just theatre in the round, full immersion

I also want people to not fully know where the production is, just that it's on the outskirts of the forest, and then the actors emerge from the woods at a designated time and bring the audience to the secret stage section. And ideally this would be like a park on the outskirts of woods so that there would also be people there who wouldn't know what the fuck was going on. And ideally some of the fairy actors convince them to come along and the people go having no idea what they're about to get into. That's how A Midsummer Night's Dream is meant to be experienced in its purest form: with actors dressed as fairies trying to seduce unsuspecting strangers to follow them into the woods to an unknown location where they'll probably be offered drugs.

TAQUITO TIME

Taquitos acquired.

Puck's direction and motivation:

When Puck is first introduced, it's by a fairy called Peasblossom who's otherwise not a big part. Peasblossom lets the audience know who Puck/Robin Goodfellow is by basically going stan-mode and being like "holy shit you're famous." PB literally starts listing his greatest hits.

So picture with me: instead of an extremely fairy-like whimsical Puck, I want a Puck that wanders on-stage like a burnt-out rockstar. Cigarette in one hand, beer in another. Probably on a cocktail for faerie super magic mushrooms. Just fully numbed out. In this moment, Puck feels way more human than faerie--and I want the performance to be in a way where that feels off. To have it be communicated in manner and clothing, and the juxtaposition of PB recounting Puck's glory days, that Puck hasn't always been like this. This isn't a faerie trickster in his prime. This is a man who's lost all sense of fun and is going through the motions.

That's what happens, right, when you become just a little too famous?

Puck is the only one of the main characters who gets to the end of the show and is entirely alone.

(my favorite thing about being high is how *good* it makes food taste, these taquitos are not fancy but with the power of the devil's lettuce it's so good--oh my god I have Dr. Pepper)

(I'm back with the Dr. Pepper. I'm having fun, are you guys having fun? If you've made it this far i kiss u)

So Puck is alone at the end of the play while everyone else of import is either with their lover or with their theatre-kid-found-family. And it's largely because Puck lives between worlds. He's not powerful enough to be fey royalty; he's Oberon's right-hand man, but he's not Oberon's peer. But the lower fey court are also not his peers -- they treat him like a celebrity, he can't actually connect with them. He's not allowed to frolic and play with them anymore, not really.

With this interpretation and direction, we now have a Puck whose action in the plot can lead to a happy ending (keep with me), and whose existence isn't just to be quirky and whimsical for the audience. Instead it's a Puck with a motivation: he's lost all joy in his job, he's disconnected from him community, and Oberon only treats him like a fuckbuddy so he's sexually frustrated. (Oh right yeah I was supposed to write about how Puck is in love with Oberon. He is.) That's all fucking sad, bro! And you know from the Pip that traveled into the past that this play is fun and should be fun!

Now for the final part, where we put in the special ingredient to tie this particular Puck direction into the happy ending:

LET'S 👏 GET 👏 GAY 👏

Do you guys (gn) remember the changeling? It was like possibly an hour ago, the time-warp this particular edible always sets me on has fully set in. It's possible this essay is like 5k words long. It's also possible it's only 500 words long. I wish I was lying when I told you I don't know.

Anyway, the changeling. Let's make him a fuller character and let's give him to Puck wrapped up in a sexy, charming bow.

Picture this: The Changeling, from now on capitalized as a character, shown on stage in Titania's court. Locked up like a princess in a tower because Titania is desperate to protect him. And the Changeling is all *sigh and flutter big beautiful princess man eyes* because he wants to explore what's out there. Because he's a man who's grown up and been forced to live between two worlds. He's not fey royalty, he's not Titania's actual kid and she kind of honestly treats him more like a momento of her lesbian lover than an actual adopted kid. He can't be one of the fey court, because he's not fey, and also he's not allowed to frolic and play with them.

That should sound familiar to you if I did it right.

Puck and the Changeling, both feeling the same sort of empty spot. So let's smush them together.

Give the Changeling all of Peasblossom's lines. It makes more sense for a detail I left out before, too--Peasblossom doesn't recognize Puck they see him for the first few lines. Once they do they're all like "omg you're the dude that makes people horny for each other and also some other trickster things." They know all of Puck's stunts, but they don't know what he looks like? It's clearly an exposition device, but it's a weak one (sorry, Shakesy). He's the rockstar of the fey world. You'd have to be living under a rock or, I dunno, locked away like a beautiful man-princess --

(Okay you know where I'm going and I have to stop there because I'm cry laughing, I swear to you -- I swear to fucking god, guys, I wish I was joking -- I thought I was being cute and clever saying "man-princess". Not because of irony. IT'S BECAUSE I FORGOT THERE IS A WORD FOR A PRINCESS WHO IS A MAN AND THAT IS A PRINCE. Okay i should clearly wrap this up lol)

In this staging, the Changeling clearly doesn't want to be locked up. So...he finally finds a way to sneak out. He goes on a romp through the forest and that's when he runs into Puck (this is the scene where we first meet Puck). The Changeling wouldn't recognize Puck, though he's have heard of him. He probably loves stories because what the fuck else does he have to do, so he's asked the fairies to tell him about Puck's adventures over and over. Meanwhile, Puck wouldn't recognize the Changeling because Titania has been keeping him so under lock and key. It allows an opportunity for them to connect on more of a peer basis as they--

Holy fuck. Wait. Hold on. Is the Changeling Stede. Is Puck Ed. What the fuck. Did I write an AU on accident. I don't even like AUs very much (sorry AU writers it's not personal it's just not my thing).n ANYWAY sorry for the pirate aside. God this is properly off the rails now.

They like each other, you get it. And now Puck has someone he wants to impress. There's not a lot of opportunities to give the Changeling more lines, but that doesn't mean he can't appear on stage. He can stay with Puck (hiding from Oberon whenever he's there, leading to some good chances for physical comedy) and go on the nighttime adventure of his dreams.

This leads to a fun, unique choice: having Puck fuck up the love flower juice plan on purpose. So that he can show this hot dude following him around with wide enthusiastic eyes the kind of things he's capable of OH MY GOD THIS IS ED AND STEDE I SWEAR THIS IS NOT ON PURPOSE I AM JUST NOW SEEING THE PARALLEL

Okay we're nearly at the end I promise. We just have one more problem to solve: How are we supposed to root for Titania and Oberon to get together when Oberon literally publicly humiliates her and then steals her adopted son and forces him to join the Wild Hunt even tho Titania REALLY doesn't want him to? Well, the first one is easy, Titania and Oberon are so fucking kinky, and Oberon likes getting cucked (remember he's only jealous of the Changeling, never the lesbian).

The second one is also easy. Make it the Changeling's choice. Leaving Titania and joining Oberon's court means two things: He gets to be with Puck, and joining the Wild Hunt allows him to go on exciting adventures. If Titania saw that the Changeling wanted this with the staging that both Titania and Oberon look over and see Puck and the Changeling making out right after Titania's spell is broken. Then Oberon can jokingly delivers the line about having stolen the Changeling, realizing that the plan worked but in the most ridiculous way possible. And how could Titania not find joy in all of that?

It makes me so much more glad to see them get back together.

Puck's closing soliloquy is his most famous, but I like his last big monologue right before it better. There's a very important line he says that communicates an important shift within the context of his particular staging:

And we fairies, that do run

We.

Puck isn't a lonely, washed-up rockstar anymore. He's part of a "we." Not just the Changeling, but the other fairies, too. Puck and the Changeling act as bridges for each other, to be part of each other's worlds in a way that feels like a whole -- OH MY GOD IT IS ED AND STEDE

Puck being alone on stage isn't so sad anymore, after all that. Because Puck, who starts off the play with so little sense of belonging, now has so much to go back to.

And that's it, that's my ideal staging of this play. Honestly, I really, really want to direct it. I have no experience directing but I have the audacity to think I could do it lol. No resources, tho

OH ONE LAST THING HELENA NEEDS TO BE INTO PUP PLAY

also the lovers are all in a polycule, that's just a given, any other staging is cowardly

alright bbye

[exit]

final time stamp: 9:25 PM, not rereading, just hitting post. We die like Mercutio.

[saintlesbian]

is the retroid pocket a good investment? i saw your tags and am curious! :]

i'm probably biased bc i'm so used to buying retroid but yea. it's slightly pricier than some other options you might find due to the price creep of the gradually upgrading chipsets but its definitely worthwhile from my perspective, as someone who likes retro emulation and android gaming. all retroids have bluetooth support to connect extra controllers, headphone jack for audio, sd card slot to load up games from, wifi for downloading more games, and display out options to connect to a tv or somethin! you gotta bring your own games unfortunately, but it does come built in with some emulation apps to install during setup, and a choice between using the standard android OS, or the custom Retroid branded Launcher to launch games from! generally i use my retroid to play PS1, PSP, PS2 and GBA games, although im pretty sure it can handle N64, Dreamcast, NDS and 3DS too. basically if there's an android emulator or RetroArch core for it, the Retroid can probably handle it, YMMV.

the most recent model line, the Retroid Pocket 5/Mini, is still available on the GoRetroid website. generally if you're buying a retro handheld then make sure you buy it directly from the original site/source so you don't get ripped off by some offbrand seller trying to pawn one of those 100-in-1 knock off consoles on you.

time for an autistic ramble about my collection since i love these devices so much...

the original retroid pocket 2! this was the first device that caught my eye and my gateway drug into retro emulation handhelds, as it only cost $80 back in 2020. there were pink, yellow and cyan colorways too, but indigo was the most popular option :P it was a little awkward, what with the switch style analog sticks not having R3 functionality and only having one gig of RAM, but it got the job done. it also had micro HDMI out to connect to a display, kind of a hassle since micro HDMI isn't too common, but they used to sell micro HDMI cords on their site along with other accessories (screen protectors, grips, cases, etc...)

the retroid pocket 2+ was an upgraded model released a year later for $90, with 2GB RAM and a touchscreen added. still no clickable analog sticks but oh well! i bought the PS2 style colorway, a lot of their colors are styled after other retro consoles. the 4:3 screen was kinda cute! difficult for playing PSP games since it letterboxes the screen, plus you have to do some extra tweaking in the emulator settings to get it to work properly...

less than a year later, they made the Retroid Pocket 3! this one signalled a change in their release system in many ways, most notably the fact that now every retroid model comes in 2 versions: a cheaper model (with less storage/RAM) and a premium model (with more storage/RAM). personally i've never had any reason to go with the cheaper model, especially since the power difference can be so vast between the two sometimes, so every model i have is the premium model. this one cost $130, which is quite the price jump, but the added quality made it worth it for me :) the RP3 was Retroid's first foray into a 16:9 device, great for playing PSP/NDS, and easy to work with the 3GB RAM. any 4:3 games will have letterboxing on the sides now (unless you have a widescreen hack or something) but i never minded that much. also, this is the first Retroid model with R3 functionality on the joysticks! it might not matter much to most people, but i really wanted to play Ape Escape on the go :3

at some point GoRetroid realized the Retroid line kinda peaked with the RP2 form factor, so they brought it back with some added improvements for those looking for an updated 4:3 handheld, now now known as the Retroid Pocket 2S. idk what the S stands for! its looks pretty similar to the regular RP2, but with clickable hall effect joysticks on the bottom, a PSVita style DPad, and up to 4 GB of RAM. i loved this one! for a while i used to switch between the RP2S and the RP3, depending on if i was in the mood for PS1 or PSP gaming. the black crystal shell was also neat, i love clear electronics :3 price went to $120, more expensive than the original RP2 line but cheaper than the RP3. worth the price, considering the QoL improvements they made over the original RP2!

then there's the Retroid Pocket 4, released around the same time as the RP2S. this model has the same shell as the RP3 for those looking for a 16:9 form factor, while retaining the improvements from the RP2S (hall effect joysticks <3). this device is currently my go-to for portable retro emulation, with 8GB RAM and android 13 compatibility. this one can play some lighter PS2 games, but i mostly use it to play balatro these days. also, convenient feature; since the Retroid Pocket series is just an android with a built in controller, any android games with controller compatibility can be played with the Retroid controls. theres also a gamepad mapper to map button controls to other android games that don't have built in controller support, but i've never used it so i can't vouch for it -_- the RP4Pro was $200 on release, yowch! still definitely a worthwhile investment, but a far cry ffrom the original price tag of $80 back in 2020... there's still some discounted models of RP4 on sale on their website, although there's not many left, as GoRetroid is mostly clearing space for their newest model...

...the Retroid pocket 5! this model signifies another shift in Retroid's design, as they've shifted to a PSVita looking model with the rounded features and glass front panel. i got the gamecube colorway since i really liked the vibes it has... aesthetically this is the best Retroid Pocket model yet. the 3d hall sticks also have RGB LEDs built in than can be customized from a built in app, and an OLED screen that looks especially gorgeous on the black RP5 model, as the bezel screen blends right into the rest of the glass face. this one is their priciest model yet, clocking in at $200 for the RPmini and $220 for the RP5. this model also removed the micro HDMI port in favor of a display out USB-C port like how the nintendo switch does. they also released an official dock with HDMI and ethernet ports to go along with it! i haven't switched over to the new model yet since its still 8GB RAM like the RP4Pro and it'll probably take a while to move some of my android apps over, but i've heard good things about this model! it's also linux compatible from what i've heard (ROCKNIX, Batocera) but once again I Haven't Tried Those Yet

but yea that's my collection! Retroid has served me pretty well over the years, i give it the Saint Lesbian Seal of Approval