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time-traveller-archives · 3 days ago

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Hi there! I just wanted to drop my gratefulness towards you through this. I have never been very comfortable with my sexuality or spirituality because of it being so old-fashioned, and me being so religious often tends to this sharp contrast with this sexualization of today's generation. Don't get me wrong I'm pagan, I was born one. Our religion is pretty celebratory towards themes like sex and exploration. I consider sex as a soul ritual and an act of finding my partner's soul every single time I do it with him. I like how this vulnerable act allows us to see and experience an intimate side of our partners. I really love the bond that sex helps us experience. Iam not against BDSM, threesome, I am very open minded. But I personally suffered burnt out in these activities as they sexualize the body and I don't like how everyone hypes up the entire concept of lust in these areas. Anyways I have found that, I enjoy finding the soul and experiencing the bond with another soul through sex very fulfilling as compared to all these. What Iam here to say to is thank you, thank you so much for your 18 + pick a card, it made me feel a bit comfortable of my sexual preferences despite knowing/have done a lot more sexual things which seems to get overhyped by this overly sexualised society. See I'm okay with what other people like or prefer or feel is the best for them, and I am okay if my partners like it too. I can get along with them, but its not what I personally prefer. I just do not like how many projections I had to face even from my own partners when they found out, I used to do that/can still do that/ or at the time I do that. Iam not a monster who sexualizes or fantasizes other people. It just hurts when the partner whom I like to share a deep bond with tends to think, project or say things about me like this. Its just I can't deal with an environment where people are constantly projecting me to be some kind of monster who just likes to fuck like a raw dog and nothing else. Like yes that's there, but I am a very emotional person I prefer bonds, connections, deep love, soul connections. I don't even know how to tell you how hurt I was from all these connections and people who constantly reduced me to a person with big sexual libido. Yeah I am a person with huge libido but that doesn't mean that's all I want or think about all the time. It tends to remind me of my rapist, even though I know its got nothing to do with a libido, a rapist is a sick person who uses sick means to get to people's vulnerability and use them for control and I am someone who just likes sex but doesn't dwells on it. Last I wasn't communicative enough with my partner about this, and idk what gossip he did. I was left trying to explain and convince everyone, learnt this people pleasing behaviour, was kinda forced to turn into this mid person because people couldn't take that I could be sexually experimental and deeply emotional as well.

PAC: Your First Time With Your Person 18+

This reading includes:

how your first time will be like w/ your person

where and how it might happen

The extended reading includes:

what you will think about it

what your person will think about it

Disclaimer: this is just for entertainment purposes, and as a pick-a-card reading it may not resonate for everyone. Also, this content is 18+ only!

TIPS | BOOK A READING WITH ME | PATREON | LINKTREE | SUGGEST A PAC TOPIC

Pile 1

Emperor rx, Two of Pentacles rx, Tower, Chariot | Sun god

"Come all, come now; expand into the skies and into the shadows below."

Hi pile 1, the energy here is very very masculine and dominant. I feel like most of you will be the more submissive energy so I'm going to focus on that for the reading, but please switch it around if you feel like it applies better to you that way. Anyhow, there isn't any switching or "equality" here, this is straight up power exchange energy. You are giving in to your person, letting them do whatever they want with you, complete surrender. This isn't scary for you though, you are doing this because you trust them completely and know they will take care of you. Honestly, despite this whole power play thing (I'm even seeing some manhandling) the sex will be super loving. I truly don't see it being rough or your person calling you names or anything like that. It's like they want to make love to you, they want to make sure that every single one of your needs is taken care of, but they don't want you to lift a finger. Just lay there and let them make you feel good, basically. Ooof, your person isn't shy about what they want, pile 1.

I think that this might happen either during the day or you will go all night long until sunrise (I think that for most of you it's the later). I also get the feeling that this will happen during spring/summer, or on a nice weather day. For most of you this is also happening in a bedroom. The energy I'm getting is that you and your person will want complete privacy and knowing that you have the time to do whatever you two want. For a smaller part of you this might begin in the car and then you move to the bedroom. The energy here is very explosive, it's like at first you're not really sure if you want to do this now, but then all of a sudden you can't think about anything else. I think that you'll be trying to convince yourself not do it at first for whatever reason.

I can't stop hearing the song "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC, so this is some more confirmation that the sex is going to last awhile. Honestly, you should check out this song's lyrics if you aren't familiar, because I feel like it's totally the vibe of your first time with your person. They are crazy about you, pile 1, like crazy crazy. They have wanted to do this for a long time.

Also, let me warn you to make sure you're protected if you can get pregnant! Like, pregnancy is the energy here so be careful if that's a possibility for you. Not to be too explicit, but I'm also seeing a lot of fluids and playing with them, so make of that what you will. Also, if your person is a man he is BIG.

I think that some of you have like a daddy kink or authority figure kink and it's something that it will come into play as well. I think that they'll enjoy it very much as well. There's multiple orgasms here, and I think that you'll be coming very fast and very hard. It will be earth-shattering. For some of you I'm also seeing that the man might finish first - for some it might be a bit disappointing, but your person will make it up to you; for others though I think that it's because you're starting with oral first. Also, if you have breasts they love playing with your breasts, or maybe it's playing with nipples in general. But, yeah this will start with a lot of foreplay and then you guys will have multiple rounds.

Pile 2

Eight of Wands, Ace of Wands, Nine of Pentacles, Fool | Maiden

"Demand what is yours and take back what was taken. Reclaim until you've gathered all of you."

Pile 2, hi! The first thing I'm getting from this pile is that this will be your first time having sex. If this doesn't apply to you, it might be your first time having sex after a long pause or the first time having sex with someone of a certain gender, but if neither applies it might be that this pile isn't for you. I think that for most people this is about losing their virginity, though. No matter the case, I think that this will be really lovely. Your person will make you feel like a god/dess. There's a lot of passion here.

Just like pile 1, I think that this will happen in a "safe" setting, most likely in your bedroom or your person's bedroom. I think that this place has a feeling of luxury to it, even if it isn't exactly luxurious if that makes sense. Basically, it's very tidy, well organized, beautifully decorated, you feel welcome and relaxed in this place. I'm actually seeing a fur rug and throw blankets on a bed, so really comfy. I think that for most of you this isn't planned. I think that it just kind of happens that you have your person over or that you are at their place and then they do something that just makes you think "that's it, I need them". I get this feeling that you just suddenly realize how much you love and trust in this person so you try to initiate. I see you being a bit awkward at first, but you'll find your footing quickly. Before anything happens though I see you making out with your person and feeling each other up for a long time, then your person will ask you if you're really sure about that and then all hell breaks lose.

I think that you have a lot of pent up energy and desire and you want to get it out as quickly as possible, but your person will take over a little bit and slow you down. For one, they know that it might be a big mistake to rush you, but also they want to be thorough with it. This person wants to get to know every single inch of you, they want to know what you like, what you love, what you don't care for. They want to explore your body and consume you. It's like body worship really. It's like they don't want you to think about anything else, but their body on yours. (I also get the vibe that some of you are very anxious or over thinkers and your person really wants to make sure that you're grounded for once). I also get this vibe that your person thinks that you're a bit of a brat, in the best way possible though. I see them laughing as they say that.

Just like pile 1, please make sure to use protection if there's any possibility of a pregnancy. I think that there will be a lot of foreplay and you'll be having at least one or two orgasms before penetration (also if your person is a man I think that they're bigger than average). Your person really wants you to feel good. I don't see you having multiple rounds because I think that you're going to be exhausted pile 2. Maybe the next day, though. Afterwards you're just going to cuddle with your person and have some aftercare. And, also let me tell you that you person is amazing with aftercare they're just so loving and gentle, not wanting you to move a finger and making sure that you're completely taken care of. They may bring you some food and drinks and then tell you to take a nap.

I think that you'll be a bit transformed by this first time. It might be a bit different for everyone and that's why I can't really see how. But it will change the way you view yourself, your sexuality and even your person. I think that it will help you to bond even more with your person.

Pile 3

Lovers, Ten of Pentacles, Temperance, Queen of Pentacles | Self-worship

"My hands fold as I speak to the stars, watching as the sky holds its breath. It's in stillness that I find all that I am and all of divinity within me."

Pile 3, this is probably the most romantic pile here and honestly that's saying something because they've all been super sweet. But this is 100% old-fashioned romance. I can actually see it very clearly that you're going out with your person, maybe out to dinner at a fancy or fancier place and then going either to a hotel or to one of your places to continue the night. This is the only pile that I see going to a hotel actually. But, your person will give you flowers, I think that it will be red roses for most of you (a classic of course), but for others it will be a bit more personalized, like let's say that you love tulips then that's what your person will get you. I actually just heard that your person wants to wine you and dine you and in more than one way lmao. They're funny.

For this pile I think that you have been dating this person for a while, but you're taking things slow. I just get the feeling that you two really love each other - deeply - and you know each other well. This doesn't feel like something that would happen after two or three dates. You might actually know this person before you start dating too. Anyway, as I was saying this is old-fashioned romance. I see candles and rose petals on the bed. Some of you might actually start by taking a bath together or giving a massage to one another. I just see it being very sensual, but calm. You're not rushing here, you both clearly want this, but you know that you have time and it feels so much better to draw it out like this. You're like the third pile where I have to say this, but use protection if you can pregnant! Y'all are very fertile.

I think that you're going to start with oral, and for some of you there's even 69ing here. I'm also seeing lots of fluids here. Like, even your bodies are wet with sweat or from your bath or massage. But this feels very wet, let's put it like that. With the Lovers and Temperance here this is such more than sex for you guys. It's truly like two people becoming one, body and soul. I don't see you two talking much, it's like you don't need to, the connection between you two is so powerful and so deep it's almost magical. There's lots of hand-holding, gazing into each others eyes, holding each other close. It's so, so sweet. I think that you might tear up from emotion, from how much you love them. When it comes to positions I see you guys sitting, cowgirl and missionary. But, basically, it will be whatever can give you as much closeness as possible. I also see you person holding your face, like cradling your head and running their hands through your hair.

Honestly, this will be transcendental for you guys, you might even get like an out of body experience when you orgasm. It will be very very intense. I see some of you describing it as almost being a religious experience. I see that some of you will be squirting for the first time, so that might also be intense. This is just for a few of you I think, but you might have sex in front of a mirror or they might start it by touching you in front of a mirror. Almost being like "do you see how beautiful you are?", etc, that sort of thing. The aftercare will also be very sweet, and I see you being so in love with each other afterwards. Just talking and holding each other until you fall asleep.

Pile 4

Two of Swords, Knight of Pentacles, Four of Wands rx, Three of Wands | The lovers

"Love lulls all sorrow and bewitches flesh, mind and breath, reminding me that I am unafraid of the unfurling winds of my eternity."

Pile 4, this is the most negative pile out of them all. I'm really sorry for that. I would much prefer that they were all amazing and without any problems. I don't think that it's anything serious, but it will vary from person to person. Most of all, what I feel in this pile is anxiety and almost not feeling comfortable in your body. I think that some people here have sexual trauma, relationship trauma, or even body trauma. There might even have some eating disorders in this pile. No matter what it is and no matter the seriousness of the situation, it has left you uncomfortable with your body and with sex. So, I feel like most of you are going into this with a lot of anxiety. It's almost like you want this but you don't at the same time. I'm getting a very specific message that it's only meant for a couple of you: you might have sex with a stranger or hook-up with someone (basically something you wouldn't normally do) just to prove to yourself that you can. It's almost like you're trying to do exposure therapy to yourself. Now, I'm not saying if it's right or wrong, it's not my place to judge really, but just be careful.

For most of you though, this is happening with a partner. I think that you're going to be a bit unsure at the beginning, you want to want it, but you're not really there yet. Your partner is going to be incredible here, because they're going to move really slowly to get you as comfortable as possible and stopping to see if you're alright. I see them showering you with affection and basically praising you to the heavens. They're going to be super careful with touching you, up to a point where it almost annoys you and then you start to become more active let's say. I think that you're going to take charge of the situation at a certain point and guide your partner on how you need it. And honestly I think that they're very much into it.

Throughout the whole thing you're a bit self-conscious. I think that you might be suffering from low self-esteem and you're not entirely comfortable with your body and how you look. This might mean that you have sex basically in the dark, with very little light to make you comfortable. I don't think that this is happening in your house, so that adds a little bit to your anxiety, because you're in an unfamiliar place. I can't get much more information about it, it's almost like your person is trying to protect you and your privacy which is really sweet.

However, I see that you will be left very satisfied at the end lol. Not only that though, you will be feeling much more confident in yourself and your sexuality. I'm seeing you feeling so sexy at the end. It's probably because of your partner too. They'll be like "do you see what you did to me?" and completely disheveled, and you'll be like "oh shit". This will be a turning point for you. I'm really happy for you, pile 4! When it comes to your relationship it will also be taking it to the next level, not just intimacy-wise, but also in the trust that you have in each other.

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papermonkeyism · 8 hours ago

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Very sorry if you've talked about this before, but how much do you focus on/care about making the plantlife in your Dinosaur Project Thingy accurate for the time and place?

Asking both because I'm generally very curious, and because personally, every time I make it past my anxieties about not knowing enough about dinosaurs to be "allowed" to draw them, I run right up against "oh shoot, if I draw a grass in the background, people are going to kill me."

Having a cartoonier art style helps! If your style is photorealistic, the style is going to require more details that also make errors way more present and visible, but like, the way I draw trees for example you can't really tell if I'm drawing an aspen, an oak or a basswood, you know? It's just a leaf blob with a trunk in the middle. There's no identifying that.

Also, like 99% of my audience who follows my art follows it for creatures and characters, not plant life, and those more well versed on plants aren't as likely to care. At least nobody has come to bark at me because of it this far!

Considering the amount of actual, professional palaeoartists who basically use memes in their art, I think it's okay and fine for hobbyists and cartoonists to not know everything, right?

(Seriously, the amount of artists who draw theropods with no soft tissue around the jawline is wild! You know that classic look where the entire face splits along the skull all the way to the back of the jaw joint, and drawing that pink skin flap at the corner of the mouth? That's the jaw muscles. Why would a giant land apex predator not have skin protecting its jaw muscles? [Also, is that really what jaw muscles look like? A skin flap? Come on.] I've seen some Actual Professional Artists draw these giant cavities inside the cheek area of things like T. rex, that's where the muscles should be! Where do you think the legendary bite force -which this specific animal is known for- comes from? I mean, it works for animatronics, like in Jurassic Park, because it's hard to give soft tissue to robots that would hold up, but it's less of a thing for art, I think.)

I have a field guide book for Hell Creek formation that I'm gonna reference from when needed. Years ago I backed this kickstarter for a dinosaur video game, specifically so that I could get my hands on the book for this exact reason. It has plants section!

Few rules of thumb:

Trees Big. No, bigger!

No grass (if very late Cretaceous, then maybe grass? but research first!)

No flowers, unless Cretaceous. Might be worth googling "Cretaceous flowers" for specifics

When in doubt, ferns and/or conifers.

Also, finally, this is just me, but it can help to set yourself a "target audience" (with quotes). Personally, I'm making my project for myself and maybe a handful of people I know IRL. I only aim for the joy of these specific bunch of friends and family. Anyone beyond that is just bonus, and while I am very glad there are great many more people who do enjoy my work, it's less important than if my friends like it. And if there's one of the extra bonus people who thinks this one plant on the background of my art ruins their enjoyment of my work and me as a person, then that's a them-problem, not a me-problem, if my friend Satu still thinks the drawing is cool.

(Honestly, knowing these specific people, I wouldn't even have to be as accurate as I am, but unfortunately I did include "myself" in my target audience, so here I am.)

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abyssalpeach · 2 days ago

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in the case of the people vs. bell's hells...

and also the campaign 3 finale overall. disclaimer: this is gonna get long bc of my propensity to yap so i'm gonna simultaneously try to keep it short but also put it under a "read more." spoilers will be referenced throughout.

i wouldn't call these rent-lowering gunshots, but i desperately need some of the folks in this fandom to get a grip. so instead i'm asking: walk with me. hold my hand. i am looking you in the eyes and want this fandom to be a nice place. please forgive me for any attitude but i am tired of being talked down to.

"they never faced any consequences" consequences are the result bad dice rolls. of which they had plenty. if you think their narrative choices should have resulted in more punishment, say that. but i think you missed the part where they have targets on their back from several factions and now-mortal deities and you need to kill the cop in your head.

"it was too confusing and the pacing was bad" i don't even disagree with this takeaway. i will say this was actually the easiest campaign for me to follow. m9 is so fun, but was very narratively scattered at times. however, i think this is just the nature of ttrpg/actual play. it's not scripted. it's messy and sometimes you'll zone out about it. sometimes what the players want isn't what grabs you personally. it doesn't mean they're wrong or bad to play it that way.

"i fell off c3 and everything i've heard about the finale is stupid" fall off, then. totally fine, i'm not here to stop you, sincerely. and not to hurl cliches, but with tabletop it really is more about the journey than the destination. without context, you are missing too many pieces to pass judgement. that's all i'm gonna say on that.

"the other PCs were just so much better" i gotta say this one seems like a skill issue lol. there's not a single party i haven't loved with my whole heart, but they satisfy different purposes or dynamics! vm was destined for greatness. m9 was destined to pull important strings. bh was destined to shake up the order of things. they were supposed to be controversial in-world. they're salt of the earth, rising far beyond their stations ever expected. they became important at work and it very nearly ruined their lives.

"it was like sitting in a philosophy 101 class" praytell what philosophy classes that you've sat in discussed the ethics of magic, direct divine involvement in human* lives, and potential outcomes that would come along with killing all the gods or releasing something called the god-eater. look. i grew weary with the rehashing of these conversations too, really i did. that said, i think it needed to play out this way in order for the finale to go the way it did.

allow me to explain. one of the defining qualities of bell's hells was how different they all were. whether it's their perspectives, life experiences, backgrounds, desires, aspirations... you get it. this was the point. they were bound together by compassion and love for each other. and this extended to those they stood for personally, and those their friends cared about. it was how they approached ruidus, the gods, the people of vasselheim. and they walked the walk and trusted the process, prepared to face anything. including death.

*obviously including all exandrian/ruidian races beyond just human

"the finale cheapened the ending of vox machina" it didn't. i'm sorry but it very fundamentally did not and if that's your takeaway from a change of circumstance ~30 years down the line, i am worried that you are too lost in the sauce due to favoritism. if your takeaway from vax being allowed to return to the material plane is that now his conclusion from 30 years ago was just him going on a work trip, that is a you problem.

the narrative doesn't treat it like that. the characters don't treat it like that. the cast doesn't treat it like that. let me repeat myself: if you think vax's c1 ending is now nothing more than a glorified work trip, that is a you problem.

life goes on. the state of the world is changing constantly, especially in a world with gods and magic and different planes of existence. matt allowed these players to have direct involvement in the ways it changes. if vax was allowed to return in some capacity as a result of those changes, the cast made that happen. it wasn't even on bell's hells priority list! this was a natural change of circumstance. if that's the kind of thing you find upsetting, maybe unpack that elsewhere.

i'm gonna wrap it up here but i hope you keep this in mind: if you don't like a thing anymore, you can absolutely drop it. you don't need anyone's permission. but what i ask is that if you want to engage in thoughtful conversation and criticism about it, you keep these things in mind.

i don't believe this show or cast to be above criticism. i have plenty of critiques of my own. but the campaign three finale was the opposite of bad. it was the most satisfying conclusion we could have possibly gotten. it was the culmination of the last 3 years with almost everyone who encountered bell's hells and honored the last 10 years of their hard work. i am so so proud of matt and the cast and i think you should be too.

#critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #cr #i needed to get this off my chest #hope this reads as equally petty and sincere bc i am so sick of being talked to like i'm an idiot for enjoying this #BY MY OWN STUPID FANDOM #i'm a writer with a comms/media studies degree i think you're just throwing a fit about things changing #if you really want to see a lackluster and insulting conclusion to a beloved franchise you should try dragon age veilguard #and if you're thinking about arguing with me in the comments or replies please reconsider #try self reflection instead

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pinessydr · 3 days ago

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Tagged by @sanza-17! Yay, ty! Today, Sujamma wants to know about your OC's moral compass. What God do they worship and why? Do they engage in any illicit activities (drugs, etc?) Any holy activities, like healing in the name of a certain divine? Have they committed any crimes, or are there any crimes they actively despise? Feel free to talk about anything and everything along these lines.

Pic of Rahgot doing ritualistic things because I have free will. This question fits my dragon priests so well that it's almost impossible to answer about only one of them. They all serve Alduin, who is like a root of the pantheon as a Chtonic, devouring power, but in my headcanon, worshipping the Dragon is not antagonistic to other gods. They coexist, so, giving your blood to Alduin, you still can pray to Mara about your kids. Also, just praying is not enough. Yes, you can kneel in front of the altarpiece, but ancient nords believe that worshipping can take many forms, and practical ones are the most impactful. That's why my priests do things that, as they believe, would satisfy the gods they relate to the most. Hevnoraak praises Dibella, and that's why he masters giving pleasure to those who ask. There is nothing about prostitution or promiscuity: he sees sex like an art, and it's quite funny he is a torturer at the same time. Nahkriin worships Tsun, the god of trials. He went through a lot, so he heals to make others' lives a bit easier and optionally boosts talented people with difficult backgrounds (it's personal). Krosis created an orphanage in the name of Mara, as well as Morokei built a giant library for Jhunal, and he is really invested in it. Otar works to find a balance between reachmen and nords in his area, as he thinks Stun, the god of justice, would approve of it. Rahgot... fights for his people and lands. His bias against elves is rooted in his personal grudge, but his love for mortality and humanity is genuine. He is ready to sacrifice a lot, as Shor and Ysmir did to protect those dear to him. Vokun praises Shor not as a warlord but as a deceiver. He is not a faithful devotee, but he feels a strong connection with this aspect of his god, and all his life in the shadows aligns with the idea of deception. Volsung donates large amounts of money to all gods' temples to be on good terms with other cults, but his favorite is Kyne. He is not a warrior, but his life was always kind of a battle, and he likes her bossy attitude in myths... as well as her power over the skies, which is important for sea trade. tagging @madam-whim @lilarus to share their blorbos :3 No pressure!

#sujamma sundas #dragon cult #the elder scrolls #skyrim #dragon priest #morokei #rahgot #hevnoraak #nahkriin #otar #volsung #krosis #vokun

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cea-tide · 1 day ago

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I skimmed through it and while it has some valuable advice here and there, when it comes down to giving specific examples, they give sub-optimal or actively privacy-hostile suggestions. I find that odd, as that is the opposite it claims to want to achieve. It falls right into the trap of false privacy the text is talking about. I put more details about my reasoning under the cut. I'd urge you still to follow along, but instead of taking the recommendations they give at face value, check out these two sites and compare: privacytools.io prism-break.org As a general rule of thumb, if the software is free, (libre) and open-source [F(L)OSS], everyone can check the code on malicious or faulty code (including trackers). These are preferred over closed-source solutions, which don't have any such accountability. This does not consider privacy-focused architecture per sé (though people certainly check for that), but the FLOSS community is generally privacy-focused, and you are at least (extremely likely) not tracked by the software itself. Exceptions to everything. Also, I want to mention this because I did not see them talk about it: If you change your details (email, etc.) on an account, all your old tracking data linked to that account (or even email) may now be linked to the new details too! Make an entirely new account wherever you can (and switch to privacy-focused services). This is where those email masks are incredibly useful; one mask per account. Feel free to ask me questions; I'll try to answer them.

They start with linking to Amazon lol, but they do acknowledge that

The RSS reader they recommend is actively promoting (generative) AI

Browsers: they do mention Chromium and its Google ownership, but they fail to mention most of the browsers are based on it, its problems with MV3 (see my #firefox tag), and then they recommend the very browsers that are Chromium-based... Just use Firefox or a derivative of it.

Password Managers: LastPass is not recommended; android app has/had trackers and it has had numerous data breaches.

"Most Privacy Isn't Private". Indeed, the moment you connect to the internet you can be traced eventually with enough effort. You can only make it harder (to the point that it is practically private). That does not mean that you should not try of course :)

Yes, store as much locally on a disk. What is not on the internet cannot be tracked or data-harvested.

Data balkanisation: That's not about giving your data to as many rival companies as possible (???), it's about country data legislation. Are you really relying on the assumption that Google/Yahoo wouldn't want to make a profit by selling more data, regardless of its buyer? Second example: just use Signal where possible because it doesn't share your data...

Ceasar: if you absolutely can't switch from a platform, yes minimise its usage

Firefox extensions: Ghostery is not recommended; it has/had trackers itself, and ads too (according to user reviews on the internet; no personal experience). I have reblogged plenty of FF addon posts before; see my #firefox tag.

Email clients: the default Windows mail app is of course controlled by Microsoft; do not use. I also recommend Thunderbird, but check your options above (and elsewhere). Note, an app is not required if your email provider also has a webmail (e.g. proton). Up to your preference.

Calendars: No comments, beside check the above sites.

Signal is not the only one out there, but it is certainly the most mainstream popular. And the more popular, the lower the social network switching cost, yay

Password Managers: LastPass is not recommended; android app has/had trackers and it has had numerous data breaches. Neither is 1Password recommended, because it is closed-source.

VPNs: I do not trust that list. Again, check above. There is also an outdated VPN privacy overview from 2019 on this website. I will write my own eventually, because that has been abandoned, but that will not be anytime soon. Because I know this specific example, I'll also say explicitly to not use ExpressVPN, because it has been taken over by Kape Technologies.

Collaboration clouds: One of them is powered by AI again... These are all closed-source; I do not recommend them. Instead I use: cryptpad.org, which can also serve as cloud storage, but indeed is a collaboration suite.

No comments on home assistants. They're spot on. All I will say is allowing tunnelling into your home network and connecting Internet of Things, is a massive security risk in general. Also consider setting up a Pi Hole on your network.

Mobile OS: I don't have enough experience on this; no comment.

I urge folks to check out this link. Its a very approachable roadmap to improving your digital privacy. As a consequence, it usually means you'll be supporting tech giants much less. Its not all or nothing either, do what you can.

#cyana.add #firefox #tech #privacy #internet

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blauerhund · 3 days ago

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Pauls contribution to the Spy Museum Berlin

See: https://rammwiki.net/wiki/Spy_Museum_Berlin_(soundtrack)

I recently visited Berlin and wanted to check out the spy museum Paul did the music for, ze Deutsches Spionagemuseum, which is located at Potsdamer Platz. It's probably the last Rammstein related spot left that I've been wanting to check out in the city and I finally came about doing so in the one day I was there. The last time they unfortunately had a fire alarm going on, so I couldn't go in, but this time I succeeded!

I really ... I can't get myself to be interested in History Museums and the like, I don't know why. Maybe it's because my dad dragged us kids through every single castle, open air farm museum and medieval market South Germany had to offer at the time, resulting in the adverse effect of me, as an adult, feeling like I need to go sit down after having taken five steps into a Natural History Museum. I guess that means I'm satiated. Sometimes I visit art exhibitions though, but even those drain me so much, I just about run through them and am in a bad mood afterward. Have you heard of Museum Fatigue, because that's a real thing! Anyhow, that's why I made it my mission to walk through the spy museum looking only for the music bits playing. I spent about 10€ at the entrance and then walked in through something resembling a personnel sluice.

At first, I thought they had removed the music as I didn't hear any sounds at all for quite some time after going in, apart from some shooting noise coming from the one corner. However, on the second floor I made out a brawarahh and pushed past info screens, a real-life Trabi and spy standees trying to find out where the sound was coming from. I wanted to try recording some of it as well.

The speakers were put up high above, and I stood there looking like a complete nut holding one arm outstretched above my head pointing my phone at the ceiling. Luckily there weren't too many people there, but what does it matter to me, I was on my mission.

Ever since I had first heard about it, I've been wondering how Paul came about doing this. I guess the most likely explanation is him having a friend involved with the spy museum, asking him if he wanted to put a small part in or something similar. I think Paul is someone who would be happy contributing to a culturally significant occasion or institution, if he sees fit. As can be seen on his Instagram, he does like to look at attractions and things alike, and I imagine him being quite enthusiastic about doing so:

https://www.instagram.com/paullanders_official/p/B1gYv3hoByc/?hl=de&img_index=1

Look at the last picture – he has a good time. I think it's often the bunch consisting of him, Olli and Schneider out and about looking at local attractions and exploring the cities they play in. Jens tagging along from time to time :^)

The Spionagemuseum has quite a few things you can get hands on with, like solving small riddles or trying out a lie detector test. Or even making your way through a laser field! I, well, I just looked at it, but I can see Paul getting in there, rolling around on the floor. It's definitely a well produced exhibition!

They also showed footage of spy movies like Jason Bourne, Mission Impossible, James Bond and so on, with music playing next to it and, you know, I'm quite confident that one wasn't done by Herr Paul Landers, but just the original score. Although there is a song in the laser room where I was sure it was a movies soundtrack as well, but on the RammWiki page there is a song called "Laser Room" so it must be from Paul! Only goes to show his versatility :) Correct me in case I'm wrong and it's a film score after all.

At first, I wanted to include my recordings in this post, then I got a bit scared of violating copyright law, so I'm not gonna share them here (unless we have a German law expert on here telling me it would be fine?), but feel free to DM me. It's mostly eerie sounds, plus that one film score-like bit.

I think I feel rebellious enough for a little snippet though, so if you want to have a taste of Pauls soundtrack composer career, have a listen:

#rammstein

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missbuckyhellfire · 2 days ago

Text

Cat And Mouse : Emperor Geta (3/?)

Previous Part

Plot:

The Twin emperors have a problem : A little thief who steals form the rich and gives to the poor. The rich despise them yet the people of Rome love them. However, the thief's little game can only go on for so long before the elder twin catches them and discovers their identity: Sabina, daughter of Marcus Acacius. Rather than executing her, he decides to marry her as a way to gain the Roman peoples approval. To Sabina, it is another way to get closer to the large stashes of gold in their keep. The two see this as a opportunity to gain power , but what else will they gain along the way?

Warnings: MANIPULATION EVERYWHERE! CHEATING! NSFW content,Language, The Emperors being themselves, Flirting, Concubines, Bullying, Fluff

Terms to know:

Dulcissima: Sweetest

Mel: Honey

************************************************************************

In Macrinus chambers, Sabina didn’t focus on any of the lush, lovely couches that laid before her, or the flowers freshly picked in the most elegant vase she ever saw. No, her dark eyes stared into oblivion, thinking about what had happened moments before.

To her, she felt like she witnessed something that clearly raised her position to him. Even after the night that the two had, she thought she was something special to him.

Obviously not.

Macrinus had noticed her lack of emotion and pulled her in for a hug. She paused for a moment then wrapped her arms around him. She took in his strong scent of oils around his body, but it was far too strong for her, and she turned her nose away.

“Even the highest of honors, the Empress does not deserve to see the cruelest acts of adultery.” He muttered in her ear. “ I thought Geta would have stopped his sexual escapades as soon as he wed you. “

“Clearly he hasn’t “

Macrinus had took a step back and gestured for the two of them to sit down on the couch. Sabina hesitated and let out a soft whimper from the previous nights events after joining Macrinus. On the couch. “Have you and Geta consummated?”

Sabina cocked a brow, thinking back to what they did the pervious night. She shook her head, knowing exactly what he was referring to. “Sure we explore each other, but we never took that step. He wants to wait until I feel ready.”

“Which is why he is playing with that concubine, what is preventing you from submitting?” Macrinus chuckled to himself.

“I don’t just submit to anyone Macrinus, you know that” Sabina smiled and shook her head. Macrinus thought for a moment then laughed and clapped his hands together.

“Then why don’t you get yourself a concubine?”

“Empresses don’t have those. We only have our husband’s and that’s it.” Sabina thought he was losing his mind. “Your insane Macrinus.”

“Maybe but that’s how I got here. “ He looked at all of the luxurious things around him. “You need to make him beg for you but putting your attention elsewhere. Another man perhaps or woman, just someone who you think will get on Geta’s nerves and make them a concubine of yours. Then watch him want your devotion. If there’s anything, I know for a fact that Geta does not like sharing.”

“Then lets make him jealous.”

“Yes, no Emperess, especially one as fair and a spokesperson for justice as you should put up with that bullshit from their husband, is he blind?”

“Or perhaps afraid knowing what may happen if he hurts me.” Sabina stated. “The people of Rome would revolt, you remember what happened when Geta locked me up.”

Macrinus nodded. “The romans don’t want their Emperess harmed, whose to say, you could take over you know.”

“Why would I? I can’t take over Rome. The people wouldn’t take me, especially as a woman.” Sabina looked down. Being in charge with Geta and Carcalla to the sidelines would indeed be easier for everyone on many levels, with money being the top one. But would she really want all of the responsibilities.

“Why not, it wont be a invasion, just make him submit to you completely and essentially Rome will be all yours.” Macrinus shrugged.

“What you suggest is treason.” Sabina stared into his eyes. “And even you telling me this…..”

“You wont tell anyone, besides I know that you want what’s best for the people, and overthrowing them may be an option.” He said in a lower tone. “Think about it, but for now, lets have some wine.”

************************************************************************

Geta watched Sabina storm out of the room as the concubine began to rub his shoulders. He didn’t understand why she was angry with him, they did have a good time. But he had other needs that needed to be met. Geta didn’t even notice that his concubine, Rosa moving her hands lower on his body much like she did before they had their ventures with each other the previous night.

When Sabina fell asleep the previous night, Geta still had a strong urge in his body. He wanted to release his tension, his urges as well. He knew better than force his body on a Demi-goddess and the daughter of a beloved general of Rome. She was intoxicating to him though, the scents and the curves of her body, her overall beauty. But, he made a promise to wait until she was ready.

He slowly slipped away, and put on his robe. He took one last look at his beautiful wife before he walked out of the room and closed the door behind himself. The emperor made a right and made his way to the Concubines chambers. He only wanted something quick to get the edge off and he planned to run back to the room by daylight.

The emperor was greeted by a swarm of concubines and his brother being surrounded by his “favorites” on the bed by the window that oversaw Rome. There were a range of concubines before him, thin, curvy, light haired, dark haired various eye colors and more. He scanned through them all and found one. She was considered as his concubine as they spent nights together before. Yet she looked the most like his beautiful wife, with dark hair and dark eyes not as lovely but close enough.

Rosa looked at him and waited for affirmation and took his hand to the other bed on the opposite side of the room, and pulled the canopy around them so they could have privacy and be enveloped into the darkness. Geta always preferred to have his intimacy in private. She watched as he took off his robes then commanded him to get on his back so they can begin. Usually it would begin with a back massage, then she would get a bit lower and start kissing his body. At some point, Geta would have enough of the teasing then he would flip himself over to face her and would command her to ride him.

And that’s exactly what happened.

Geta lost track of time and was still in bed cuddling with Rosa when sun broke and his wife was a distant thought in his head.

After a while, Caracalla noticed his brother’s state and took a sip of wine while turning back to the dancer.

“She will get over it,” Caracalla muttered. “It’s part of being an Empress, you remember how many father had? Each day he had a new one running out of his room.”

“But Sabina is different brother.”

“Clearly, she is.” Caracalla stated. “Tell me brother what made you interested in her after locking her up for what ever crime you won’t share with me.”

Geta looked down and played with the rings on his hand, “She is just something special in my heart, I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Fucking her won’t hurt her brother. It’s her job now.”

“Yes, I just don’t want Rome to go up in flames if I took her flower’s petals too soon.” Geta cleared his throat. “I’ll take it when she asks for it.”

“Asks for it, brother we are emperors everything we see is ours. Including your wife.” Carcalla chuckled. “I would have just taken it on our wedding night if she liked it or not,”

“I know you would have but I am not you.” Geta couldn’t take it anymore, so he stood up and excused himself from his swarm of concubines and the dancer to think.

“I can’t do anything right now, why can’t I have a good time while having my wife? Yet, pissing off the gods as I am doing now is quite possibly the worst thing to do.” Geta thought to himself as he stormed through the halls. “ I haven’t even fucked her yet”

SMASH.

Geta blinked twice at the shattered pot once on the pillar. It was a bright pink one with lovely gold , silver accents with pearls. It was their mother’s favorite vase that was gifted to them by the general of the time. There was no sign of any force pushing it over so he could only see it as a sign of the gods rage towards him.

He looked down to see the painting of Venus’s face on one of the larger pieces that smashed to the ground.

Fuck, he knew he had to apologise, even if he didn’t mean it.

There was a rush of servants that began to sweep up the vase as he kept on walking down the hallway. He went on his way to his chambers but started halfway when he heard chuckling from one of the rooms.

That familiar high pitch of his wife.

It took a few moments for him to recognize it as his advisor’s room but he couldn’t help himself, he had to lean against the door. Obviously, there was something going on that peaked his wife’s attention.

At first he just heard wine being poured and the clinking of glasses, but then he began to hear more of their conversation. By the tone of their voices, they already had a few glasses.

“When you say, explored each other do you mean like ….” Macrinus began

“With our tongues and lips, yes, but I am not ready for making love with him. I just feel like we need to form some sort of bond first. Sure, we are married and everything, but he hardly knows me more than the thief of Rome, and pressured with his duties to impress the people.”

Geta understood that. They didn’t know each other, they hardly were able to spend time with one another without the pressures of the city and the gods. Yet, where was he to start, he was always given things, how was he to earn this?

“How would he be able to get you to open up then?”

“Spend time with me even! Learn about my favorite things, my hobbies and interests, there is more to me than just being a thief who is also his wife.”

“That I know,” He heard Macrinus chuckle. “Does he know of your writing or poetry? People would talk of the general’s daughter’s writing pieces.”

“I usually base my pieces on Virgil, but I do like venturing on my own works as well. I doubt that he has heard of my pieces which is why he didn’t bring it up.”

Geta honestly had no idea that she wrote creative pieces. He hasn’t even heard about it, now he grew curious about it. That’s a place to start at least to get her attention. But he also needed to learn more about her as well. He took a step back from the door and kept walking, deciding to take a stop in the library in hopes of finding something written by his wife.

************************************************************************

After the glasses of wine, Sabina decided to take a walk in the gardens. She had yet to visit them, but she figured it would be a good way to take a breather and take in what Macrinus advised her to do.

Getting a concubine? Who would want to do that?

Sabina knew she was attractive to many, her husband and oddly her brother in law included. But, who would want to live in that lifestyle? Only being treated like a toy to the Emperor or Emperess on the whim they wish it. She wanted to make Geta jealous though, but to treat someone like that…

She couldn’t do it, she may have to explain everything to the future concubine she picks. They may also appreciate the arrangement more if she treated them with dignity. Even pay them if it is a way to ensure their secret would be kept or whatnot.

Her disturbing thoughts stopped when she seen a large patch of red roses, fully bloomed and opened up to her. She admired how thick the stems were and couldn’t help herself but pick one out for her to take with her. A knife was by the pot so she used it to pick the one that attracted her the most.

She had the rose in her hand and put it against her nose to take in the scent. There was a range of different scents around her, but she only focused on this one. She closed her eyes for a moment to take in the scent.

However her dark eyes opened when she had felt lingering eyes watching her. She scanned around the area, only to find Geta’s dark eyes watching her. The rose bush was in front of the library entrance, and of course, the windows were there. She scanned him for a moment as she noticed some books were in his hand.

Didn’t know he wanted to read.

His eyes didn’t leave her as he noticed the red rose in her hand, freshly picked by her. He should have known she was an admirer of red roses. He hoped she would see his books in hand as perhaps it would be a sign that he is at least trying.

Sabina couldn’t care less though, and she kept walking through the gardens. To her, she just learned that he enjoyed reading.

However, Geta had talked to the librarian and couldn’t find any copies of her writing anywhere in the palace. He had requested that the librarian find some of her written works and bring them to the chambers immediately. The books in his hands were some of Virgil’s works and introductions to writing creatively. It was an attempt to build a stronger relationship between them.

************************************************************************

That evening, the Emperors decided to have a party at the palace since they felt the gods blessed it upon them to have one.

Caracalla wanted to get drunk with people and Geta wanted to find out more about Sabina through the mouth of the people. They knew her more than he did so he thought it would be a good chance to find more about her while he awaited for her creative writing.

Sabina knew what she wanted to do this evening. She wanted to shock, seduce and get under her husband’s skin. She knew that she would have to dress slightly more risky than normal to do this and get a “concubine”.

Her low cut stola was a very faint sheer pink that hardly hid her daisy covered nipples. She picked them from the garden and thought they would be a unique twist to nipple coverings. She let her dark wavy hair down but used a shell clip gifted to her by her father to remove the strands of her face to reveal the pearl earrings and necklace. Her eyes were painted with silver metallics that made her brown eyes stick out. Her cheeks were graciously blushed with shades of pink and her lips were colored with a dark deep pink. She made sure that her husband didn’t see her until the party. She knew he would likely tell her to get changed, her father would have.

She waited for a few minutes after the party started to make her entrance. Her husband and brother-in-law were already greeting the guests entering as their paid entertainment began to sing for the guests.

That was when she casually walked inside the event. Sabina knew she was going to have heads turn to her, but that was the point. She wanted to find the perfect person to make a “concubine” and get her husband jealous.

Sabina was right, everyone was essentially staring at her. She however, focused on walking over to her husband and her brother in law with their concubines together. As she got closer, she could see his cheeks turning pink.

“Husband,” She bowed at him and the entire room was silent.

“Wife, what are you wearing?” Geta stared at the entire outfit, perhaps staring at the nipple daisies a few seconds too long.

“Do you like it ? To honor my mother.” Sabina said boldly in which there were whispers amongst the crowd.

“Can we see the ring your husband given you?” Rosa asked. She was next to Geta with her hand on his lap. “I am sure it is lovely.”

Sabina and Geta looked at each other for a moment. He never did give her a ring for engagement or their wedding. Sabina hid her hand behind her body as she looked down.

“No ring! I would have thought you would have been given the loveliest one of Rome. Guess the rumors are true, this whole thing was arranged last minute. I suppose that’s why your husband is still swarmed by concubines.” Rosa smirked at Sabina. Having no worth to speak to her husband’s whore, she turned away and walked off.

“That was cruel Rosa.” Geta finally said to her. His hand pushed hers off his leg. She shook her head.

“Then why doesn’t she have a ring, without it she is like a concubine.” Rosa snickered with his brother joining in.

“Yea, she is a virgin concubine.” Caracalla raised his voice a bit louder, just enough for Sabina to hear them on the other side of the room.

************************************************************************

Sabina didn’t need any of that. It was Geta’s doing that he didn’t get her a ring at the very least. Forced marriage or not, a ring would have been nice to at least make it official. She had lots of rings, but having a ring as a promise of protection and love meant something to her.

Not like this entire situation was full of love anyways.

But it still would have saved the embarrassment that even the Gods could have seen.

She stood in the corner with a glass of wine in hand and sweet treats in the other. She scanned the room to see if there was anyone worthy of taking in as a “concubine”. Or at the very least, someone who would get the attention of the emperor.

Her eyes met with someone who came in with the Advisor. A younger man, with piercing blue eyes and short darker hair. His face was affirmed and straight ahead as Macrinus talked to him all he did was nod and mutter a couple additional comments. He was a handsome man, who worn extravagant clothing.

He gotten her attention. She felt like a magnet to him, not by attraction but by curiosity. He looked exquisite and she wondered if the advisor brought him intentionally or if this was just a coincidence. Something told her it was the former. She didn’t hesitate to walk over to talk to him.

Geta didn’t let his eyes off his wife since the incident. He didn’t want anyone touching her in the wrong way after the way Rosa talked to her. The concubine kept trying to place her hand on his knee, but he kept slapping it away. His brows began to lower as Sabina walked to the advisor and uninvited guest. He knew that Macrinus and Sabina were getting accustomed to each other, but he wasn’t too sure about the guest.

Sabina smiled at Macrinus as he clapped his hands together. “Ah the jewel of Rome, I would like you to meet someone.” The stranger’s eyes had brightened up to her, in pure interest. He took her hand and admired her face for a moment before he kissed her knuckles.

“I am Felix Remus Julius, second son of a nobleman of Rome, speaker of 4 languages, poet, and in the presence of the loveliest woman I met.” He kissed he hand again. “I am in the highest of honors to be in the presence of the Emperess, the hero of Rome” He bowed lowly to her.

“I am honored to be in your presence. My father spoke highly of you, even considered…” Sabina paused at her thought, remembering where she is. Speaking of possible marriage arrangements of the past were not wise in the presence of two power hungry emperors.

“I do recall, perhaps in another path if you weren’t caught.” He winked at her.

“Perhaps.”

“I brought a gift to honor the Empress.” He stated as Macrinus had smiled at Sabina then glanced at Geta who was cocking his head trying to see what kind of gift the man was gifting her. In Felix’s pocket was a pretty closed seashell, It was white and polished. Sabina would have been happy to just take the shell, but he opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring before her. A golden ring with a ruby in the center.

“This is too much Felix” Sabina commented as he placed the ring on her right hand’s ring finger.

“Nonsense, soon enough your going to have so many jewels on your fingers from your supporters.” There was a silence in his voice, noticing no ring on Sabina’s left hand.”It will be the first of many.”

“Regardless, I am sure that none of the jewels will be as lovely as the one you gave me.”

Geta eyed the jewel on his wife’s finger. She had her cheeks flush slightly red at the sight of this noble. Caracalla noticed the change of his brother as Geta had clawed his hand into the sofa.

“Better watch that one brother, your wife may have another lover soon enough.”

With a couple more chuckles, Sabina ushered Felix to join her in the gardens. As the two left, Macrinus went to the younger brother to discuss something. Geta stood up, leaving his concubines alone as he kept his distance behind them.

************************************************************************

Felix and Sabina snuck away quickly. The two-holding hand in hand, giving soft chuckles to one another. They rushed to the gardens quickly and quietly in hopes that no one will find them there while they talked in private.

Geta on the other hand was quick and sly. He wanted to be close but keep his distance. He was furious on how quick the physical contact was happening while he had to work so hard to get what he got, and he still didn’t consummate the relationship! Regardless, he is learning more about his bride that she is not speaking up about. He wanted to learn as much as possible before he tries to get closer to her. He can’t fuck up again.

Finally, Sabina and Felix stop by a rose bush under the moonlight. The light highlights their features and beauty which makes them both more alluring to the other. Geta noticed this in his hiding spot, a simple pillar. He should have planned this ahead of time as he had to be very selective with his movements.

“So why are we sitting by the dark blue roses? “Felix asked trying to scoot closer to her.

“They are my favorite, my second are red roses” Sabina answered. “My father used to bring a set back home from his ventures. They remind me of the stars, when the fresh rain leaves them as they twinkle.”

“You are a poet even when you don’t try dulcissima” Felix chuckles as he put his hand on her thigh. “ My father spoke of how skilled you are, how you fight for what you want and how beautiful you were.”

Geta felt the rage of heat in his cheeks, thinking of what things must be going on inside of Felix’s head. The way that he touched her was angering him, in more way than one. Geta had to steady his breaths, so he won’t get caught.

“That is kind, Felix but what is the real reason why you came here tonight. I am sure it wasn’t to impress an empress”

“I came to get to know you better, was curious if you would be interested in having a companion. Word goes around Rome fast and I heard that your husband isn’t treating you right as you should be treated.” He said moving his hand to her upper thigh. “Macrinus is a close ally of my family and when he told me of the crimes your enduring daily, I had to come to help you.”

“You don’t know me.” Sabina said.

“I want to take the time to.”

If he wasn’t hiding, Geta would have sliced the pretty boy’s head off. The emperor wasn’t the most pleasant at this moment and each second it was getting harder and hard to calm his nerves.

“I am flattered with that offer, I am looking for one too. I really need someone to talk to who I can trust.” Sabina bites her lip. “I need someone to be my friend, my family is miles away and I hardly have a place to keep to myself. I am not ready for anything sexual, but I am looking for companionship.”

“Don’t worry we can take it slow Emperess, “He muttered as he was getting rather close to Sabina.

Geta couldn’t believe what he is hearing. Was Sabina in the slow process of getting a concubine? His first one was in the same way, a friend then eventually much more. He was supposed to be enough for her, now she’s seeking guidance elsewhere.

“O..oh” Sabina said and then all Geta heard was the sounds of two lips crash against one another.

He couldn’t hear anymore of it, so he slowly made his exit, finding no purpose to be sticking around while his wife is making out. Sure he did a lot worse the previous night, but still it made him sick to his stomach hearing it. He managed to leave without Sabina or Felix knowing.

The two kept their lips on eachother’s for a few more moments before they parted from each other. Blue eyes looking into brown eyes, both were full of uncertainty.

“Let’s take it slow.” Felix said.

“I don’t want the romance; I just want a companion.” Sabina stated. “I am flattered of the kiss though.”

“It is alright, we can be companions, just remember if you need anything I am here to aid you.”

Sabina smiles. “Great, you can come with me to the library and help me with my writing”

Felix nodded eagerly and follows her.

************************************************************************

Geta waited for Sabina to come back to their shared chambers after the party. He wasn’t going to say that he heard everything between her and Felix, but he knew it was going to be hard to hide what was going through his head.

How could she do this?

It also gave him the opportunity to hide the books of her written works from her before she came back. He didn’t want to read them in front of her, he intended to surprise her with some of her writing pieces and perhaps some of his own. He already had talked to the gardener to change the flowers into red and blue roses for her.

He has to find out more about her by spending time with his wife.

The emperor heard his wife’s laughter in the hallway with his voice. He muttered a couple curse words as he heard Felix say goodnight to her. She opened the door and Geta had tightened his housecoat.

“I missed you at the event wife, where did you run off to?” He asked instantly. He watched Sabina remove the hairclips and her dress. The dress that mentally drove him wild. Why did she decide to wear that? To bring Rome to their knees in the most unintimidating manner? He felt his inner needs grow when he watched her remove the daisies from her nipples. After a few moments of her being completely nude in front of him, she placed the robe on her body. He still stared, admiring the curves of her body.

“I went to the library with Felix, He is quite knowledgeable you know. “ She remarked.

“I see,” Geta was trying to bite back remarks. “So what’s the plan tomorrow for you?”

Sabina cocked a brow. “ Very curious of you of asking of my plans, I am going to the market to shop.”

“Is anyone going with you?” Geta wanted to make sure this was an opportunity.

“No, no one is going with me.”

“Great I will join you tomorrow, I need to grab a few things anyways.” Geta tuts walking to the bed. He wasn’t going to do anything until he gets to know her, its going to be a long process but he wanted to make sure that things will please the gods and her.

“Join me? You haven’t spent time with me yet.” Sabina slowly walked to the bed and laid down. “But this is a good place to start, be ready we will leave in the morning.”

“I am eager to, Sleep well mel” Geta said as he shut his eyes, thinking about the upcoming day and what it will have in store for them.

************************************************************************

Sabina and Geta got up early in the morning to prepare themselves for the day ahead of themselves. Both worn more modest, casual simple lavender purple embroidered stolas for their activities ahead, with minimal jewelry. Sabina wanted to enjoy the day without being dragged down by precious metals while Geta didn’t want to be robbed.

The couple did minimalist work on their faces, besides purple eyeliner swiped on their eyes, giving it a cat eye look. Their brown eyes popped with the purple color and it made them more intense and intimidating looking. Sabina decided to braid her hair back into a braid for the day, having a feeling she was going to need her hair up.

A quick breakfast was in order so they were given some cheeses, fruits and bread to start off their day. Servants kept filling up their plates with food and Sabina kept politely saying no thanks after the fourth serving. Geta let out a soft chuckle.

“They just want to make sure your well fed in case…”

“Of?”

“If your with child.”

“Oh well I am not and this food is getting a bit overbearing” Sabina looked at her rather large plate of her favorite things.

Geta cleared his throat “ LEAVE US!”

“Thank you for the food, but I think this is enough for now.” She cleared her throat , trying to clarify the negative remarks given to them by the emperor. They servants seemed to reciprocate the remarks given to them from her before they left,

Geta scanned her plate. Bryeria, lacterine and ricotta cheeses were on her plate, often spread with a piece of fresh bread. On the side there was apples, grapes, peaches slices with a few cherries. He made sure he mentally took note which foods she had on her plate. He watched her from across the table eating her food and enjoying the luxury food,

“Are you enjoying your food wife?”

“It is delicious, however…”

Geta almost stood up from the table about to send back in the servants to fetch something. But Sabina lowered her hand to reduce his excitement. “I am going to the market, I will buy the breakfast wine I enjoy. Perhaps you will enjoy it too, it reminds me of morning meals with my family.” Sabina was going to say something more but bit her lip.

“I can’t wait to try this wine “ Geta smiled at her. He watched her dark eyes look down at her plate and pick up a piece of lacterine cheese and place it in her mouth.

“Where are your concubines today?” His wife asked casually going for another bite of food. Guilt and panic flooded over him, wondering what brought up the question. Frankly, he didn’t care what they did, just as long as they were there when he needed them.

“Not sure, probably in the chambers reading or something.” Geta shrugged. Then he thought of the prick from the previous night, the noble that kissed her. Her new concubine, that she has yet to address to him. Geta has hardly met him, but he hates him. “You met that noble last night,”

“Yes Felix, a smart man of the mind. We spent last night in the library writing poetry.” Sabina looks down. It was what they did for part of the evening. The rest was just talking about the new arrangements, as she planned to introduce him to the court in the next party.

“You never said you wrote poetry.” Geta tried to pretend to be shocked, he has been trying to read each of the poems that she wrote to get an idea of her creativity, but with no avail. The emperor even got writer’s block when trying to write a small piece of written work for her.

“I did, it’s a habit I am trying to get back into.” Sabina said snacking on a slice of peaches.

“Why did you stop?” Geta tilted his head at her.” Writing is a gift”

“It is, I couldn’t write when I was happy. Been thinking about writing again as I can write when I am sad.”

That statement made Geta speechless.

************************************************************************

Sabina told Geta she wanted to go the market closer to her father’s home so she could welcome him back as soon as he returns. In addition to that, it had sold family comforts that she had growing up. She missed the simple things that she had, and wanted to bring them to her new home, for some type of comfort in a forced situation.

Even though Sabina wanted to have a private, relaxing day in Rome, her husband always had to make an entrance. He had to swing his cloak around for the public to see and he craved the attention that he got from commoners oogling his clothing.

However, he didn’t get as much attention as Sabina as a crowd of people rushed to her feet, some people even kissing her legs, singing praises to her. As soon as she stepped out of the carriage, she was treated like the goddess that she was. Red rose petals were placed around her feet as the they would mutter praises to her. Each step she took they created a pathway for her. Geta got tossed a couple of the red roses, but almost all eyes were on her.

Including Geta’s.

He wondered why there was no proposal planned in the first place. A beauty like her, he could have married her years ago. Things would have been different, perhaps she wouldn’t have went through her endeavours, stealing. Perhaps things would have changed for the better, there would be less war, less conflicts.

Sabina reached into her bag and grabbed some jewels that were at her disposal. It didn’t take much for everyone to notice the jewels in the palm of her hand. Her dark eyes went to a group of children who wore dirty toga’s and had dirt on their faces from playing around in their families garden.

She ushered them to come closer to her. Hesitant at first, they did, the eldest girl was the first one to come forward and gave a small smile.

“Emperess,” There was a pause then she looked up at Geta. “Emperor”.

“I bring gifts to you and your siblings.” Sabina said softly to them as she knelt down. “What are your names?”

Geta watched as Sabina took the time to talk to the children. He didn’t focus on the words that slipped out of her mouth, but rather watched her actions with the children. They came up to her, scared at first, but eventually they came close to her enough to reach for a hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around them with the largest grin across her face as she gave each of them a sizeable jewel to take home with them.

He began to wonder if he waited too long to bring her into his life. Rome was power hungry, and yet there are children wearing clothing like these children and less. Sure he craved power, he couldn’t deny it, but seeing people like this was concerning. With this, he began to understand what the purpose of her crimes.

She did it truly for the churches, the adults, the children.

He watched as she tossed the remaining jewels in the air. Her hand grabbed his and pulled him away before they were swarmed by the locals. She giggled to herself as she turned to her husband.

“Don’t you see how happy they are?” Sabina said in a joyful tone.”We should bring more to them.” She muttered but looked down when she remembered their arguments a few nights before.

Geta cleared his voice. “No I think we should as well. The people of Rome need to be watched over.”

“Really?” Sabina muttered looking up to him, she didn’t know what to believe anymore from his lips. Was this real? Was this a myth? Or was he only doing it to appease the gods?

“I am sure, I loved watching the joy it brought to you, the children and the others with your generosity.” Geta smiled at her, “I find your kindness attractive, I can’t wait to learn more about you.”

************************************************************************

Sabina and Geta walked around the markets keeping close to one another. Sabina’s hands were full of the spices and goods that reminded her of home. Her husband insisted he would let the cooks to prepare her the food while she just brushed it off.

“I like cooking my own food too actually And making my own sweets.” Sabina shrugged. “I learned how to cook, especially when my servants were away or completing other duties. Besides,I can say I am a pretty good cook” She smiled at herself as Geta noticed the bright sparkles in her dark eyes talking about an interest of hers.

“Your going to have to cook for me sometime.” Geta said to her. “I would love to taste my wife’s cooking.”

“You probably would find it minimal compared to the fine foods your servants make.” Sabina chuckled. “They are amazing cooks.” She didn’t want to disappoint him in her skills when he has servants with skills that pass hers.

“I would love to try it, Your cooking sounds enticing to me.” Geta leant over to her ear to whisper into it. “Besides, I can’t imagine you making anything sweeter than…” Before he could finish his statement, he noticed that there was a man in front of them with a bunch of jeweled rings. They were rubies, emeralds and sapphires on the marvelous silver and golden rings. Geta didn’t say a word, he only watched which ones his wife was eying. He did owe her a ring after all.

He watched her eyes go to the sapphire rings. There was one that sparkled like the evening stars on Palatine Hill. Around them were sapphires that were almost white that were banded together on a silver band. She smiled for a couple moments as her eyes were captivated by it before she muttered a “no thank you. “. She turned her head then made her way to an astrology tent.

Geta was confused by her movements and wanted to follow her, but not before whispering in the seller's ear to bring that ring to him with a range of sizes to Palatine Hill by the evening.

************************************************************************

Sabina admired the astrology charts provided to her from the seller as Geta stared at the maps before him. He never fully understood the concepts of stars, but he couldn’t say no to the bright smile across her face admiring the dots in the sky.

She spoke unfamiliar terms with the seller as her eyes began to sparkle like the stars themselves. Her eyes began to glow even brighter as she seen the map of the night that she was born. Geta admired the stars but took note on writing on the bottom of the scroll.

Veneralia Rital

From Geta’s knowledge, that was a few days away. With the empress’s name day arriving, he had to start planning for it as well. He had to plan games, a party and make sure her family arrives for the occasion. He did find it funny that her day of birth was aligned with her mother’s annual ritual.

He watched her bring coins, and then some to purchase the scroll, commenting how she was going to hang it somewhere in the palace. Both her and her husband were shocked to see Marcus Acacius right behind her.

“I shouldn’t let my daughter pay for this! This is a gift” He acclaims as he spins his daughter around and she hugs him quickly. However, the general’s eyes never left Geta.

“That is too kind father!” She muttered in their hug as Geta given him a soft nod.

“I was expecting to see you tomorrow.” Geta stated.

“I always come in a day early to see my wife and daughter” He said. “It was a wise guess to find my daughter here! Always looking up in the stars dreaming.” He looks down to Sabina and flashes a smile. “I sure hope that you are writing as well! You will see me tomorrow” The general passed a note to Sabina, which Geta didn’t fail to notice. He placed a kiss on his daughter’s forehead then left the tent.

Geta wondered if Sabina’s father knew about something. Why would he say that in front of him? About her writing? Does he know she writes when she is sad? Of course he does! He raised her and allowed her to live with him until she was married. However, the worrying thoughts went away after noticing the bright grin across his wife’s face.

************************************************************************

After their long day, Geta and Sabina went back home. They were silent in the carriage ride home, but the Emperor couldn’t get his eyes off of her. He wondered if his father ever felt this way about his mother, even though Geta could recall all of the concubines and servants running out of his chambers only with bedsheets wrapped around them. This marriage between Sabina and him was not that much different, but he wanted to not be like his father. Even though last night was proven different. Macrinus was the one who suggested the Emperor to find a bed warmer so he could “practise” ways to please his wife. But the sadness in Sabina’s eyes had said a lot to him.

He didn’t want this, especially with her.

Once he spent the day with her. He watched and understood why the people of Rome loved her and admired her. He understood why Felix was so quick to become her concubine, though he didn’t understand why she wouldn’t sleep with him, but read books with him unless if she is truly lonely. If he was only being used as a friend, but then again he did kiss her. He did do the same to her, plus more so it was the least of his concerns. He hoped that he could have a chance to prove himself to her and perhaps it could just be the two of them.

An Emperor could only dream as there are temptations on every corner. The same goes for his wife beyond the sins of the flesh.

Sabina on the other hand had enjoyed the time outside of the palace and the time with her husband. She honestly had no choice but to have him tag along, but it was an opportunity to get him to know her better. She thought he did and hoped that he would join her in a few days time on her name day as she was returning to donate to the temple of Venus.

But she shan’t tell him yet as she thought it wouldn’t be something of interest to him. It was a blessing enough that Geta agreed to give more to the people.

She admired his dark brown eyes that reflected into the sunlight as he watched the views from outside the carriage. He tried to avoid eye contact, but he felt her eyes growing on him.

************************************************************************

Geta was in his chambers late at night, wondering where wife is was. First thought was Felix but he found him with Caracalla and his concubines reading poetry to them. Thought it was odd, but he figured it was fine which meant Sabina wasn’t sneaking around with others. She was alone in the palace somewhere he just needed to find somewhere his bride could be hiding. He checked the library but rather found Macrinus sitting at a table with the stack of scrolls that Geta asked for early in the day.

“Your wife is quite the poet, Roses that bloom in the saddest of times often grow the toughest thorns to fight.” He read out loud. His eyes never left the paper as he came closer. “A fighter for the people of Rome is a fighter for love”.

“I never heard any poetry from her, provides insight into her head.” Geta mused. “I asked for those books this morning, thank you for holding them for me.” He walked over to take them from him. That was when his eyes darted back to him.

“My pleasure, I wanted to read some more of them before you got your hands on them.” His advisor smiled. He gave him the collection of scrolls as his hands were overwhelmed by the scriptures.

“I noticed you took your wife out today to the city. I hope you had a good time”

“We did, I learned a lot about her. Glad we could spend time with each other.” He muttered as he seen the flash of dark hair in the gardens just outside of the library. This followed with a flash of silver.

His eyes fixated on her as he seen her swing a blade around and began to practice movements and attack methods. Around her were the dark blue roses that he asked for but the true beauty was the one with the blade. Macrinus noticed this and gestured the emperor to go to her. He didn’t need to be told twice, he dropped his scrolls and left the library to meet with her.

************************************************************************

Sabina was so focused on her blades movements that she didn’t realise that Geta was leaning against a pillar,arms crossed. He admired her form with the blade. Hours, days earlier he would have spat at her for using a weapon, and that it brings her back for her thievery roots. But now, he knows this is just how she is.

He admired her form, how the gods made her. How he ended up with her, even thought he knows it was fate still baffles him. He was an emperor, he could have anyone, anything but he has something much more precious.

Sabina.

Brown eyes meet with brown eyes. Before her mind for process who it was, her dark orbs turned to rage and pointed the blade angrily towards him. Showing a look of darkness and determination to execute anyone who stood in her path. Geta, shocked, put his arms up, surrendering quickly.

“Mel” Geta greeted. “I hope you don’t mind that I changed the garden” He glanced around to the fresh new blue roses that surrounded them. “Someone told me that you may have liked these the best.” He really hoped that she would drop the blade. After a few moments, her eyes softened and dropped the blade.

“I do thank you husband.” She muttered. “Roses are my favorite because….”

“Roses that bloom in the saddest of times often grow the toughest thorns to fight” Geta muttered, remembering the quote that Macrinus had read to him moments earlier. It suited the moment really but he needed to learn more about her poetry. It flowed off his tongue quite tell.

Sabina cocked a brow at him as she took a step closer, admiring the matching black robe that he worn. “Your familiar with my poetry, must have been hard for you to find it.”

“What do you mean?” Geta asked.

“I mean my father worked hard to make sure you wouldn’t find copies of it, thought you wouldn’t like my writing style.” She looked down. “The most beautiful of things often are hidden and secluded in the deepest of caves, and the few who find it are in pure bliss.”

Geta looked down. “ I found out regardless, but I was concerned where you were after our journey.”

“I was just here, admiring your gift to me. Thank you.” Her eyes were sparkling like the stars,

“It is my pleasure, it was a pleasure to spend the day with you to get to know you better” He took her hand and kissed it softly. Yet he didn’t let go of it though as he went on his knee and reached into his robes where he had the rings of various sizes. He wanted to make it right with her, and this would at least be a start. Sabina’s eyes stared at the ring in his hand and watched as he placed on her left hand’s ring finger. The ring was a perfect fit on the first try.

“For my dulcissima, the Emperess of Rome. A ring to claim you as ruler of Rome, and my wife.”

Her eyes looked at the sapphire, reminiscent of the stars in the sky. Her glance was so quick, but it warmed her heart knowing that Geta had planned to grab the ring himself to give to her. She smiled brightly as she admired the sparkles and glamor the ring given to her. She didn’t say anything to him, her dark eyes did all of the talking as he watched her. He stood up and before he could say anything to her, Sabina pushed her lips against his. She thought on how soft they were. She traced her blade down the side of his neck as he let out a soft whine in response. Yet, he wasn’t complaining, the slow movement did drive him closer to her.

“Do the blades excite you wife? Geta asked. Sabina put the blade down for a moment, embarrassed with the movements. “It is nothing to be embarrassed about, in fact I am willing to explore this further if you wish.”

Sabina felt that he over stepped and shook her head. “Not tonight, thank you for the gift husband, I would like to get to spend more time with you.”

“As do I” Geta tried to not sound disappointed, but he can wait for as long as it takes for her to bed her. He knew he had to learn more about her and her people before she can fully accept him.

Geta went to bed shortly after, falling asleep shortly after. He dreamt of Sabina with her blades against his neck as she slowly rides him. Sure this was a impossible dream now, but it may happen one way or another in the future. At one point, he woke up and noticed his brother staring at something in the middle of the night. Curious, Geta peeked out of the balcony to see Sabina still practicing. She, however was being watched by a cloak of three figures. However, when Geta blinked they were gone. His eyes went to his brother, who watched his wife hungrily. Geta will make it to his best interests that Sabina wont be touched by him.

#emperor geta x oc #stranger things costumes #emperor geta smut #emperor geta imagine #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson x reader #joseph quinn

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pagannatural · 2 days ago

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2.20 What Is and What Should Never Be

- the djinn episode. much to think about

-Dean makes a comment on the phone with Sam about a hot actress and Sam says “are you even listening to me?” in this very effeminate way, it’s adorable.

- Dean says he’s going to check out a possible lair and Sam says “wait no no no come pick me up first” all little brother wanting to go along, but Dean hangs up on him. The next shot of Sam holding the disconnected phone and turning his head is taken from above which makes him seem small, indicating that he’s probably feeling worried or left out. He’s afraid what will happen to Dean and he wants to be a part of the hunt.

- Dean gets got by the djinn.

Okay, so in order to analyze any of the characters and events in Dean’s djinn-dream we need to understand what exactly is going on. My interpretation is that, as Dean explains toward the end of the episode, it’s not a perfect fantasy or a representation of Dean’s truest desires. It’s just the djinn picking up on his strongest wish and what he thinks his life would be like were it fulfilled. His wish is that his mom never died in a fire. The whole dream is a product of this wish and what Dean assumes would’ve happened/where the djinn’s magic takes him.

However, this wish-world is flawed because it’s limited by the things Dean is limited by. He can imagine having many of the things he wants, like a girlfriend and a regular job, but his wish isn’t that he could be happy, his wish is that the defining tragedy of his life had never happened and therefore the people he loves the most could be happy. So although he and his mom and Sam are alive and well, there are also a lot of things wrong in the dream. The things that are wrong are therefore very telling:

I think he has an alcohol problem in the dream because he figures that even if things were different he would screw up or not be good enough in some very important ways. Again, it’s just a wish- his beliefs about himself haven’t changed.

John doesn’t make an appearance because Dean can’t really imagine a healthy relationship with him or any version of him at all that doesn’t revolve around hunting.

He and Sam aren’t on good terms because they never hunted together. Dean fears that the only thing that binds Sam to him is their fucked up history. He thinks that if their mom hadn’t died, Sam would’ve had the things that he’s said he wanted: graduated from Stanford, studying law, engaged to a beautiful woman. This is what Dean assumes Sam would’ve become. He assumes they would not be close and that he himself would lowkey be a fuck-up, albeit a fuck-up in a more common way.

So what is the significance? This suggests that Dean believes his relationship with Sam and his place in Sam’s life was only earned through raising him and taking care of him, which he wouldn’t have done if their lives were normal. His self-worth stems from his relationship with Sam and his ability to care for him and love him, so in the dream Dean has the outline of the normal life he wants to want, but he’s also not a person he would respect. Even his djinn-girlfriend tells him (jokingly) she’s with him because she has low standards. He doesn’t have the job he said in s1 that he always wanted, which is being a firefighter. He works in a garage just like his dad did. He doesn’t save people. And most damning of all, he’s ruined his relationship with Sam by letting him down over and over. He’s completely lost himself. So yeah, this is far from a reflection of Dean’s deepest desires.

- Another element that needs unpacking in terms of what exactly is going on in the dream is that Sam has a point of view. Djinn-Sam is still his own character, he’s shown to have thoughts and reactions even when Dean isn’t around or isn’t looking. He has his own point of view even though he exists in Dean’s head. So how is it possible for the version of Sam that exists in Dean’s subconscious to act independently of Dean?

My interpretation is that the characters in the dream are animated by the Djinn’s magic, which has a purpose. Its purpose is to make the dream appealing so that the victim will remain unconscious and happy rather than trying to wake up. This is why, when Dean realizes that he is actually unconscious, the other characters from the dream appear to him to try and convince him not to wake up and to stay with them forever. They have a directive. The characters follow this directive by behaving in ways that Dean both expects and wishes for. I really don’t think they’re the djinn or that they’re nefarious, I think they’re just Dean’s conceptions of the people they represent. They don’t really act out of character, aside from the fact that their purpose is to fulfill Dean’s wish and keep him from waking.

So basically, djinn-Sam is his own character because he’s animated by the djinn’s magic, but all of his thoughts and feelings and behaviors are both what Dean wishes for and what he would expect under the circumstances.

So. Keeping that in mind as we take a look at Djinn-Sam.

-Sam’s response to Dean calling him late at night is to giggle and say “you’re drunk dialing me.” Drunk dialing is very much a trope used to link romantic interests. Also he picks up after the first ring. Sam is eager to hear from Dean and flirts with him even though they’re on the outs -> Dean wants and expects Sam to answer his calls immediately and flirtatiously

- Dean asks his mom where Sam is and says “I’m dying to see him.”

Dean is literally dying, hanging by his wrists with his blood slowly draining out of him, so that he can see a version of Sam who is happy. He’s thrilled to see his mom, but a huge part of this wish is seeing Sam happy and educated and successful and loved. Dean seems truly, glowingly happy and proud of Sam. It’s this part of him that wishes Sam had everything Dean couldn’t give him and that wishes they could both not only be normal but be fulfilled by anything besides one another.

- From the conversation Dean has with himself at his dad’s grave, it’s clear that he doesn’t believe his dad cared much about his personal happiness. He’s sacrificed himself in so many ways for his entire life at the altar of his dad’s mission, but now that Sam’s humanity is on the line it’s too much. He increasingly just doesn’t want to do this any more.

- When Dean decides to go after the djinn and reenacts the break-in scene from the pilot, it cues a reset in his relationship with Sam in this world. From this point Sam has to change his behavior if there’s any hope of Dean staying, so he starts to act a lot more like the version of Sam that Dean knows and loves in real life. This Sam is still saying and doing things that Dean wants and acting how Dean would expect him to act, but now the context has changed. He’s doing more of what Dean wants and breaking from the version Dean assumes would exist if their mom were alive.

-> Dean’s wish for Sam to be happy and normal is not as strong as his need to be close to Sam, for Sam to choose him and follow him and leave everything else behind to be together. Ostensibly Dean doesn’t ask Sam to come with him, but it’s his head and Sam is doing whatever will convince Dean to stay, so ultimately this is Dean. He needs Sam.

- Dean apologizes to Sam and Sam gives him this incredibly guarded look

and then this deeply worried and scared look

and then he decides to go with Dean “because you’re still my brother” which is the affirmation Dean needs. “Because we’re brothers” for these two is a deeper and holier connection than any other. And the way Sam is now more vulnerable and scared for Dean is exactly what Dean is used to from his little brother.

- Sam is trying to help and Dean says “what, you protect me? That’s hilarious.” It’s probably hilarious because this version of Sam is a pansy by their usual standards, but in reality Sam is on his way to find Dean and protect him. Dean keeps accidentally saying things that are true in real time.

- when she’s trying to convince Dean to stay in the dream, Mary promises no pain or fear, just love and comfort and safety, and specifically not worrying about Sam any more and watching him live a full life. So we have the bones of Dean’s deepest wish: love, comfort, safety, and to see Sam happy and safe.

In reality, Sam can only be any important kind of happy and safe when he’s with Dean. And the love that Dean wants can only come from Sam.

- Dean says “I’m sorry” to Sam, and only Sam, before plunging the knife into his heart and waking up. Mary and his dream-girlfriend are right there. His dead mom who he wished back to life is right there. But he looks at this version of Sam to say he’s sorry before waking up. This feels like another thing that he wants to tell Sam in real life but can’t.

- Dean has been tied up bleeding and on drugs for probably not that long but long enough that he lost consciousness and yet he snaps the remaining bits of rope with brute strength and kills the djinn when Sam is threatened. So he not only gets himself out of the djinn’s spell, but also saves Sam. And then he goes straight to help the other victim. It’s such a stark contrast to the man he thinks he would have been.

- Dean tells Sam that the dream wasn’t a perfect fantasy, it was just a wish, and that since he and Sam never became hunters they “never…” and Sam says “I’m glad we do.”

Never what? And is Sam saying he’s glad they hunt together or he’s glad that they became what they are to each other? This phrasing is purposefully vague. But it highlights Sam’s resolve this season in actually choosing to hunt, he’s not just doing it because he feels obligated. Even in the opening scene to this episode, remember how Sam asked to come along with Dean and went out looking for him right away when he hung up.

Dean looks at him so sadly, one eyebrow raised, like he doesn’t believe him that he’s glad, or doesn’t want to. He’s skeptical that Sam is really choosing this, or him.

- Sam tells Dean “I’m glad you dug yourself out, most people wouldn’t have had the strength” and Sam is the researcher so he probably knows this is true of djinn victims. It’s one of so many things that Sam admires and looks up to about Dean.

But Dean doesn’t want to be strong any more. He wants to stop worrying about Sam. Dean says all he can think about is how much this job’s cost them, and it’s Sam who argues that saving people’s lives hurts and isn’t fair but is worth it.

Dean’s eyes flick to Sam in this vulnerable, fearful way. I think he’s thinking about Sam here, about how nothing could be worth losing him. Not all the lives they’ve saved, not getting his mom back, nothing. He had to dig deep to find the will to wake up and his reason is Sam. Dean knows he’s in love with Sam and would do anything for him, but he believes he’s only as good as his ability to care for him, and those two things are at constant war. I think he thinks that if they could walk away from this life and be normal maybe Sam could be safe, even though he knows that’s not true.

#wincest #samdean #supernatural #spn meta #sam and dean #spn 2x20

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