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pickalilywrites · 3 years

Note

Halu! I love reading your rivetra fics especially the heart skips a beat <3 you're such a great writer! was hoping if you can try to write rivetra modern au during the pandemic? :D

here you go~ ah, i always take a long time to write now, but at least it was out before the pandemic is over ^^" (as much as i would like it to be over ...) i hope you like it ~

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Love in the Time of COVID-19

Rivetra. COVID-19 Pandemic AU.

9543 words.

Read on Ao3!

Levi Ackerman is hugely germaphobic and antisocial. For him, the COVID-19 global pandemic is simultaneously the worst and best thing that has ever happened. People have finally begun to wash their filthy hands, cover their mouths with the crook of their elbows when they sneeze, and wear masks over their mouths to slow the spread of airborne contamination. All non-essential workers have stopped going outdoors, which makes Levi look less like a recluse and more like a normal person.

Of course, even these basic precautions couldn’t stop the coronavirus outbreak from growing into a full-blown pandemic. Maybe if everyone were more like Levi — washing their hands for a full five minutes rather than the CDC’s recommendation of a measly twenty seconds, bringing around a pack of disinfecting wipes and wiping down everything he touches, and rubbing his hands with hand sanitizer at least three times after he touches anything — the world wouldn’t be in this mess.

The worst thing about this pandemic, however, isn’t the fact that people are taking the bare minimum precautions, but the people who aren’t taking any precautions at all. For every person wearing a mask, there are at least ten people outside not wearing a mask. Hell, there are even people dying in the hospital of COVID that are convinced this whole pandemic is a hoax rather than a mess of their own making because they refuse to wash their own hands. It’s because of these people that Levi has to be especially careful on the few occasions he leaves his apartment, stripping off all his clothes as soon as he walks through his door and tossing them in the laundry basket before he takes a shower with scalding hot water to kill off all the germs he may have brought home with him.

For the most part though, Levi doesn’t mind pandemic life. It’s a lot like his life pre-pandemic, but he disinfects everything twice as much as he normally did before COVID. As a data analyst, he hardly went into the office anyway and he didn’t bat an eyelash when his company declared that everyone would be working from home until further notice. With delivery services becoming more popular, Levi found it was easier to get things delivered to his apartment. Even his neighbors are bearable. People are too busy working to be a bother during work hours and by the end of the day they’re too tired to do anything except turn on Netflix until they fall asleep on the couch. Really, Levi doesn’t have a problem with anyone except the woman living in the unit next to him.

Prior to COVID, Levi wasn’t even aware of her existence. He sometimes heard about her from the chatty woman in the unit across from him. The nosy woman somehow miraculously knew when Levi (or anyone, really) would be coming out of their apartments, popping out and ensnaring them in a conversation that always seemed fifteen minutes too long.

The gossipy woman loved the person who occupied the unit next to Levi’s. Levi’s next-door neighbor had moved in a few months before the pandemic started and was never at home, the talkative neighbor explained, because she was an actress.

“An actress in the theater. Musical theater, darling,” the woman emphasized, her eyes as wide as saucers like being in theater was the most magnificent thing anyone could ever do. “Poor dear is never home though. If she’s not rehearsing or on a show, she’s working part-time jobs at the diner downtown.”

Levi didn’t think very much of it after hearing about the woman next door for the first hundred times. It wasn’t his business what other people did. Anyway, if the woman was hardly ever home, that was even better. Except now that there’s a pandemic and everyone is required to stay home, the woman is home almost all the time and if Levi hadn’t believed the woman had a career in theater, he certainly does now.

The woman likes to sing on the balcony after work hours. It’s considerate of her but somehow also very infuriating to Levi because he can’t complain that he’s working. She also stops at an appropriate time (usually 8 or 9 at the latest), so it’s not as if Levi can send in a noise complaint without feeling like a dick. He just has to grit his teeth and listen to his neighbor belt out “If I Loved You” from Carousel while he cooks dinner.

She doesn’t have a bad voice either. It’s just that it’s incredibly loud. He supposes if she were any quieter, she wouldn’t be any good for musical theater. Maybe his other apartment neighbors are elated to have a living Disney princess sing for them for free every night, but it’s grating to the ears if you’re living right next door.

He probably should have said something when she started singing more dramatic songs, songs that crescendoed and built into a climax that Levi could probably hear if he were living on the other side of the apartment. It’s those goddamn musical ballads that Levi hates the most. If it’s upbeat, at least Levi knows what’s coming but those ballads always have to build and build until the woman is belting out to the heavens.

Levi thought he could bear it. Surely, the pandemic would only last for a few more weeks or even another month or two, but new coronavirus cases kept climbing and Levi knew he’d be listening to entire one-woman musicals for the next year if he didn’t say anything. One night when the woman begins yet another musical ballad, Levi finally throws open the sliding door to his balcony and is surprised when he sees his next-door neighbor sitting cross-legged on her balcony, a pink floral mask on her face, and a guitar in her lap.

The woman stops strumming her guitar and looks up, her amber eyes wide with surprise. “Hi,” she says, voice slightly muffled through her mask. She waves awkwardly at Levi even though he’s frozen in place on his balcony and hasn’t made any move to greet her.

“Why are you wearing a mask?” he asks her as if he’s not wearing one too. It makes sense that he’s wearing one. He always wears a mask when he steps outside even if there’s nobody around. He knows most people don’t because they don’t see the point if nobody else is around, so why is she wearing one?

The woman’s nose scrunches up from under her mask while her eyebrows are knit in confusion. “We’re in a pandemic. Isn’t that why you’re wearing one, too?” the woman asks, gesturing towards Levi and then her own mask. She pauses for a moment as if thinking about whether or not she should continue. “Also, I heard you’re a huge germaphobe.”

“Who told you that?” Levi snaps.

“The lady who lives across from you,” the woman replies.

Ah. That explains a lot.

“But I don’t even come out here that regularly,” Levi points out.

The woman shrugs. “Just in case. It’s better to be safe than sorry anyway,” the woman says. “And it’s not like it’s a big deal to wear a mask.”

Levi’s not sure if it’s because he’s been stuck in his house for months, but he’s just fallen a little bit in love with this woman and it’s all because she said wearing a mask isn’t that much of an inconvenience. He doesn’t even know her name. After meeting for five seconds and realizing that she’s considerate for wearing a mask on the off chance that Levi might go out on the balcony, Levi’s starting to feel like a dick for coming out here to yell at her for singing too loud. She’s a lovely singer, really, and he should probably be thankful she’s not a part of a screamo metal rock band or something.

Levi fights the urge to disappear in his apartment. He slides the glass door behind him, trapping himself outside on the balcony and forcing himself to speak more with the woman. He’s not exactly sure what he should say. Should he ask her name? Compliment her singing? Ask her about how she’s handling quarantine? He sits down cross-legged facing her.

“What song were you singing?” he ends up asking the woman.

“Oh,” the woman says as if she’s surprised Levi’s still speaking with her. She looks skyward, trying to recall the name. “‘Please Don’t Make Me Love You.’ It’s from the Dracula musical.”

“Oh.” Levi hadn’t been aware that there was even a musical adaptation of the Bram Stoker gothic novel.

“Yeah, I know,” the woman says with another nose scrunch, her mask shifting upward from the movement. “There’s a musical for everything nowadays.” She hums a few notes and strums a few chords across her guitar. “But what about you? How are you spending your quarantine?”

“Me?” Levi repeats. “I just … am hanging in there.”

“That’s good,” the woman says. Levi can’t see her smile behind her mask, but he does see the edge of her eyes crinkle. She sets her guitar beside her and leans back on her palms. Her head tilts to the side and her ginger hair falls away from her lithe neck. “I’m Petra, by the way. I don’t think we’ve ever formally met.”

That’s probably because Levi has never made the effort to be neighborly. In fact, the only reason they’re meeting right now is because Levi was going out here to complain about her singing, but he won’t mention that. Instead, he shrugs and says, “Levi.” It’s a lame introduction. Even he cringes at it, but Petra doesn’t seem to mind.

“I’ve never seen you out here, but maybe because I’m only on the balcony in the evenings,” Petra says. She picks idly at the guitar strings, letting their sound reverberate with every twang before she moves onto the next string. She stops suddenly and looks at Levi, eyebrow raised. “Oh, you didn’t come out here because it was too loud, did you? I know my voice is pretty … resonant, especially in a small space like this.” She winces apologetically.

Levi is thankful that his mask is able to cover the blush that is surely rising in his cheeks. “N-no,” he stammers. He sits up a little straighter as if this will somehow make him a less obvious liar. “I just … wanted some fresh air.”

“Mmm, makes sense,” Petra hums. Her eyes crinkle again and Levi’s heart does something weird in his chest. “Good to get some fresh air circulating in the apartment. I always have my air filter on nowadays too.”

Levi realizes with horror that she’s absolutely right. He usually keeps his apartment windows closed, opening them only in the early morning and the late evening for the fresh air. He hadn’t accounted for the lack of fresh air in the entire apartment complex. There’s no telling whose dirty air he’s been breathing these past months. Sure, he has at least one air filter in every room, but he can’t count on these machines to filter out every germ flying around the air. Why hadn’t he accounted for the poor air circulation through the building before this? He should have been keeping his windows open this entire time. The air outside is filled with germs as well, but the concentration of germs from other people who may or may not be spreading COVID within this apartment complex is much higher here than it is inside.

Levi stands up, grabbing the railing of his balcony for support. He feels a little dizzy right now and has the frantic urge to clean his entire apartment again even though he had cleaned it this morning. This time, he’ll be sure to deep clean the carpet.

“I have to go,” he tells Petra, but he doesn’t give her the reason. He doesn’t want her to think he’s an idiot for not thinking about air circulation sooner.

Petra raises her eyebrows as if she’s surprised and perhaps a little bit sorry to see him go. “Alright then,” she says. She picks up her guitar once more, strumming a few pleasant chords. “Have a good evening, Levi. It was nice meeting you.”

Levi pauses at the door. “You, too,” he says finally before he slips inside. He makes sure to leave the door open. The lack of barrier makes it easier for Petra’s voice to carry into his apartment. That’s not why he leaves his door open, of course. It's purely for the fresh air to come in, or at least that’s what Levi tells himself.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Levi does not know why the news of the woman next door intrigues his friends so much. He had casually mentioned her once on a video call with them and now they won’t stop asking him about her, constantly requesting updates on little tedious things like the songs she had sung the night before and if she still wears her mask. Even more surprising, Levi finds he can’t ignore their questions and answers each and every one. He tells himself it’s because he knows their curiosity will never be quenched until he answers their inquiries and it’s better to respond than to be bombarded with the same question a half dozen more times.

“So you guys talk to each other every night?” Isabel asks. She sits closer to her laptop and her face fills the little square with her name in the right-hand corner. Her hands sit in her hands and she has a thoughtful pout on her lips. “That’s a lot, Levi.”

“We talk to each other every night,” Levi points out.

“And you complained that it was a lot!” Isabel says, which is true. He would have been satisfied with weekly Zoom calls or even fortnightly, but Isabel had insisted that going so long without seeing Levi and Farlan onscreen would drive her mad. “But that doesn’t seem to be the case with this mysterious next-door neighbor.”

“She’s hardly mysterious,” Levi snorts.

“She’s right, though,” Farlan comments. He isn’t perched at the tip of his seat. Unlike Isabel, he’s less intrigued about Levi’s new relationship with his neighbor and more amused about the whole thing. “You’ve never been interested in people enough to have regular meetups with them even if it’s a ‘coincidental’ meeting on the balcony every night.” Levi despises the way Farlan uses air quotes.

“It’s very Romeo and Juliet,” Isabel says with a nod. There’s a silence at the other end and Isabel adds, “Because of the balcony. Except this time there are two balconies and nobody is dying. Hopefully.”

Levi rolls his eyes. “I just bump into her more often now that I go out to get fresh air now,” Levi explains. It’s a part of his routine now. Better to breathe good, clean (or at least cleaner) air than continue to breathe in apartment air that has been god knows where. “Which, by the way, you two should really consider as well. Who knows what germs are floating around in your apartment complexes?”

Isabel wrinkles her nose. “If that were a problem, I would have gotten COVID by now,” she points out, and Levi wants to groan. He doesn’t want to explain to her once more that, after exposure to the virus, contracting COVID is a game of chance and she’s just been lucky. There’s no telling how much luckier she can get as the pandemic continues.

“I’ll consider it,” Farlan says, and Levi is at least grateful for that. He taps his fingers on his desk. Farlan’s microphone is so sensitive that Levi can hear the tap, tap, tapping noise on the other end. “But that neighbor of yours … what do you guys even talk about every night?”

“I don’t know just … stuff, I guess,” Levi mumbles. He rubs at the back of his neck. He can’t quite recall what he and Petra talked about yesterday on their balconies. Their conversations always start out similarly with her asking Levi about his day and Petra asking about his, and by the time Levi retreats into his apartment he finds that an hour has already passed. After a moment, he says, “Well, she told me about how she was sewing face masks in her free time so that she could donate them.”

“Oooh,” Isabel coos. Her head is in her hands again and she looks starry-eyed. “This girl sure has everything, doesn’t she? Not only is she cute, but she takes COVID safety precautions seriously and she cares about other people? No wonder you’re so interested in her, Levi.”

Levi’s mind stutters for a moment. “When did I say she was cute?” he stammers.

“Is she not cute?” Farlan asks with a raised eyebrow.

Levi’s knee-jerk response is to say “no” just because he knows a “yes” will elicit more teasing from Isabel, but the question Farlan asks makes Levi realize that he’s never seen Petra without her mask off. Prior to this realization, Levi has never minded seeing Petra with a mask on. After all, they’re both still in a pandemic and, even if neither of them show visible symptoms of COVID, it’s possible that they could still transmit the virus from their minimal outings for groceries or other daily tasks that require them to leave the apartment. Now that he’s realized it though, he’s overcome with this strange desire to see Petra’s face behind the mask.

There’s only so much one can see of a person when they’re wearing a mask. Levi knows the top half of Petra’s face quite well: slender, expressive eyebrows, large eyes the color of amber, and even the dip of the bridge of her nose. Anything beyond that is a mystery to him, hidden behind the cloth of Petra’s mask. He doesn’t know what kind of nose she has, if it’s grand and shapely or sweet and button-shaped or adorably upturned. He doesn’t know the curve of her lips, if she has a well-defined cupid’s bow or thick, full lips the color of petals. Judging by the state of the pandemic right now, it’s unlikely that he’ll find out anytime soon and he can’t fathom requesting Petra take off her mask just to satisfy his newfound curiosity.

“I don’t know what she looks like,” Levi finally says.

Farlan snorts and Isabel erupts into peals of laughter.

“You’ve been talking to her for how long and you don’t know what she looks like?” Isabel titters. She’s even wiping tears from her eyes, although Levi doesn’t think the situation is that humorous. “It’s not like you guys are wearing hazmat suits when you sit on the balcony.”

“It’s not like I don’t know what she looks like at all,” Levi grumbles. “But we’ve been wearing masks this whole time whenever we’ve gone out on the balcony to talk to each other.”

“Aren’t your balconies, like, more than six feet apart? You guys could probably take your masks off and it’d be fine,” Isabel points out. She sees Levi open his mouth to speak and she rolls her eyes, giving him a dismissive wave of her hand. “Okay, fine, just wear your masks like the hypochondriacs you are! If it’ll make you feel better about the ‘sick game of roulette viruses play when infecting us,’ go right ahead!”

Levi scowls. He wishes he could kick Isabel out of the Zoom chat, but Farlan has forbidden Levi to do that after Levi cut short the first Zoom call he hosted and Farlan has been the host of their Zoom calls ever since. Thus, Levi has had to sit through various Zoom calls with Isabel mocking his informative lectures on infections and diseases. On the bright side, at least she remembers Levi’s lectures well enough to recite them back to him even if it is in a sarcastic tone.

In a tiny square on Levi’s screen, Farlan watches with an amused expression on his face.

“What?” Levi asks.

“You could ask her if she’s comfortable with taking her mask off,” Farlan suggests.

“I can’t just ask her that!” Levi splutters. He gets embarrassed at the idea of it — just outright asking Petra as if it’s as simple as asking her about the weather or what her favorite color is.

Isabel rolls her eyes. “It’s not like you’re asking her to take off her shirt or something,” she says.

If Levi’s face wasn’t red yet, it certainly is now.

“Ignore her,” Farlan says. “But, you know, it is just a mask and you keep yourself extremely safe and she adheres to the CDC guidelines pretty well from what you tell us. If you two are both comfortable with it, why not just ask?”

Because it’s exactly as they’re saying: it’s not like asking her to take off her shirt. In a way, asking her to take off her mask is infinitely more dangerous and intimate than asking her to take off any other article of clothing. COVID-19 is a virus that is spread through aerosol droplets from infected persons. By asking Petra to remove her mask, Levi would ultimately be asking Petra to lower her defenses to these droplets and increase her chances of getting infected. If Petra were to ask him to remove his mask, Levi isn’t sure he would be able to say ‘yes’ for these very same reasons.

It’s something Levi mulls over even after the call ends and Isabel and Farlan bid him adieu for the night. He thinks about it in bed, imagining a different COVID-infected universe in which he musters up the courage to ask Petra to lower her mask for him and she says yes, revealing a beaming smile behind her mask when she lowers it for the first time. For some reason, just thinking about her smile and how it might look — if she has bunny teeth that stick out, if she has a cute underbite, if her teeth are just a little bit crooked, if she bothers to put on lip balm under her mask or if she forgets and leaves her lips chapped — makes it difficult for Levi to sleep. He spends his night tossing and turning in bed, haunted by a smile he’s never seen.

The thought of Petra’s smile follows him into the morning and well into the day. It’s all he thinks about as he cleans his apartment in the morning, he writes line after line of code at work, and as he cleans it once more in the afternoon. It’s all he thinks about as he opens the door to his balcony for his evening chat with Petra. It’s all he’s thinking about as he sits across from her and she tells him about his day.

He’s not brave enough to ask her to take off her mask, but he keeps thinking of it. He watches the movement of Petra’s mask as her lips move beneath it. If he concentrates hard enough, he thinks he can see the trace of her mouth, can imagine the outline of her lips when she purses her mouth in a pout or when he thinks her lower lip sticks out as she ponders what to talk about next.

“When do you think we’ll be able to take off our masks?” Levi asks. He’s brave enough to ask this at least.

“Hmm,” Petra hums, and Levi swears he sees the shadow of her lips pressed in that thoughtful pout once more. It drives him crazy. “Maybe when enough people get vaccinated. It should be a few months? My friend mentioned it a little while ago. They said it’s amazing how quickly mRNA vaccines are being developed to treat COVID.”

Levi nods. He’s heard this as well when doing his own research, although the technical aspects of the vaccine and how it works to protect him against the virus are beyond him. Still, he trusts medical professionals more than he trusts random people on the internet swearing that vaccines are just a conspiracy theory.

“So if you were vaccinated and it was two weeks after your second dose … and you were only in the company of someone who also received their second dose two weeks ago … would you consider taking off your mask?” Levi asks. He doesn’t look at her, instead drawing circles on the floor of his balcony. He can feel the dust and grime coming off on his finger and makes a mental note to sweep and vacuum his balcony tomorrow morning.

“I’d consider it,” Petra says. When Levi looks up, Petra’s mask is shifted upward just the slightest bit and the corners of her eyes are crinkled. He wants to see her smile so much. “If the other person were okay with it, too, of course.”

“Of course,” Levi repeats, his voice a quiet murmur, and he leaves it at that because he’s afraid of asking more.

But he lets himself imagine that the vaccine will be out to the public soon and, once it is, he’ll finally have the courage to ask Petra if she’s willing to take her mask off. He lets himself imagine that she says yes. And he lets himself imagine that the first thing she does when she takes her mask off is smile.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Levi sits on the balcony with Petra at 1:58 AM. It’s the third night in a row that they’ve done this, sitting on their balconies with their masks on and the glow from their laptop screens illuminating their faces. Were Levi with anyone else, he would complain that this was an unreasonable hour to be up even if it is for the slim chance to snag a spot for a vaccine appointment, but because he’s up at this ungodly hour with Petra, Levi finds he doesn’t mind.

Technically, Levi doesn’t apply for a vaccine at this time. The rules are confusing, but he’s not supposed to schedule an appointment until certain other people have gotten their vaccines. People who are currently eligible are healthcare workers and essential workers. Petra, being a waitress in the food industry, is considered an essential worker and is thus eligible for the vaccine at this time. Is it irritating for Levi to watch other people get vaccinated before him? A little bit, but he’s glad Petra will soon get the vaccine. Unlike Petra, Levi works at home all day and is thus less likely to be exposed to the virus anyway. Even if he can’t book a vaccine appointment at this time, helping Petra book hers will help him prepare for scheduling his appointment when the time comes.

Petra yawns, using her elbow to cover her mouth even though she’s still wearing her mask. Levi feels horribly endeared watching her. She’s dressed in her pajamas — a cotton pajama set in black and white polka dot print and fuzzy cat slippers on her feet. Her hair is tied in a messy bun atop her head, stray locks of ginger falling around her face even though she wears a hairband meant to keep them away. Even as Petra continues to hit the refresh button, her eyelids droop and she looks as if she’s about to nod off to sleep soon.

“Abandoned slots tend to open up at 2 AM,” Petra murmurs to herself over and over. It’s like a mantra she keeps repeating, hoping that it’ll help her stay awake until she books herself an appointment. Levi doesn’t know how much it’s helping. “Abandoned slots tend to open up at 2 AM.”

“Should you really be staying up this late to book an appointment?” Levi asks. He hits the refresh button too, but the page remains the same. All appointments are full. “Don’t you have a morning shift tomorrow?”

Petra squints at him, concentrating as she fully registers his question. “Mmm, if I don’t get one at 2, then I’ll head right to bed.” Petra yawns again. As usual, she uses her elbow to cover her mouth. “I don’t know how people are booking their appointments so fast, but at least it seems like it’s a ‘first come, first serve’ type of thing. I heard it was worse at the hospital when they were first giving the vaccines out.”

Levi remembers hearing about it on the news and then hearing about it second-hand from Petra when she was talking about her doctor friend. There were some hospitals that determined vaccinations for their staff members by raffle, not even prioritizing doctors and nurses that were working first-hand with COVID patients. In the particular hospital that Petra’s friend worked at, COVID vaccinations were given out to higher-ranking doctors first regardless of whether or not they were working with COVID patients, which also caused a flurry of criticism from the hospital staff as well as media when the news broke out. The current system being used for front-line workers to get vaccinated certainly is inconvenient, but Levi doesn’t know what a better one would be.

“Just keep refreshing, just keep refreshing,” Petra says in a sing-song voice. She hits the refresh button robotically, but her eyelids are still drooping. Suddenly, she looks up, a little bit more awake than she was just a second ago. “Do you think my finger will fall off before I get an appointment?”

The mask hides the upward twitch of Levi’s lips. “I don’t think so,” he replies. He hits the refresh button and his eyes flicker to his screen. His eyes widen when he sees 10, 15, 20 spots open up at different pharmacies nearby. Quickly, he begins to turn his laptop around and points at the screen excitedly. “Wait, look!”

Petra takes one look at his screen and begins to tap around hers. She doesn’t even tell him that she sees them or thank him for alerting her because that would take a few extra seconds that might allow the appointments to fill up before she can claim a spot. Levi watches as Petra sits hunched over her laptop, the light from the screen allowing him to see how her brows are knit together in concentration as she types her information on the screen. She even has her insurance card ready beside her, filling in the necessary information easily. Levi doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone type that quickly in his life, and he normally hits 100+ wpm when he’s writing code.

Suddenly, Petra hits the enter key one last time and looks up. Her typing has halted entirely and she stares at Levi with a blank expression on her face. It’s difficult to tell whether she got the appointment or if all the available slots had filled up at the last minute. It’s just an appointment, one that Petra can probably book later this week if not tomorrow, but the anticipation is making Levi’s palms sweat.

“So?” Levi asks. He’s never felt like it was hard to breathe wearing his mask, but he’s feeling a little breathless now. “Did you get one?”

A beat passes. Then two. Then three.

Suddenly, Petra raises her arms, lifts her head, and lets out a yell that’s far too loud for 2 AM in the morning. It’s so sudden that Levi flinches, but he sees that Petra’s eyes are crinkled at the edges when she faces him again. “I got it!” she proudly announces. She’s swaying as she sits. She probably used all of her energy just booking that appointment. Considering how tired and sleep-deprived Petra has been for the past three days, Levi’s surprised that she hadn’t made a typo at the last moment and missed her chance.

He’s grinning from ear to ear, not that she can see. “That’s great. Good for you. When is it?”

“Tomorrow morning,” she says. Petra shoots him with an endearing finger gun and winks. It makes his heart flutter in the oddest way. She shuts the screen of her laptop and the blue light that was illuminating her face disappears. It makes it more difficult for Levi to see the lines and creases in her mask. It also makes it a little harder for him to imagine the smile hidden beneath the fabric covering her face. “I’m going to call in sick and come in for my appointment. I don’t care what my boss says. It’s better if I get the vaccine anyway even if I might get yelled at when I come in tomorrow.”

Levi furrows his brow. “Are you going to be okay the next day? The side effects …” His voice trails off.

“It should be okay,” Petra says with yet another yawn. She should really go to sleep, but Levi doesn’t have the heart to tell her to go just yet. “The side effects aren’t really an issue until the second dose, I hear. Although, some people who had COVID said the first dose kicked their butts. Since I haven’t had COVID, it probably won’t be a problem for me.”

“But you won’t go into work if you happen to feel adverse side effects?” Levi can’t help but ask.

Petra doesn’t answer for a moment, just looks at Levi for a moment before her eyes smile again. “You’re sweet,” Petra tells him, and Levi’s flustered. For some reason, he wants to deny it, to tell her that he’s just asking what any reasonably concerned friend would ask, but Petra speaks again before he gets a chance to. “Yeah, I’ll call in another sick day if I have to. Thanks for worrying.”

Levi is about to tell her that it’s not a problem. Of course, it’s not a problem because helping her doesn’t burden him in any way, but he bites his lip instead.

Petra stretches her arms above her head. She gives him another sleep smile, one that Levi can only see in her eyes again, and waves at him tiredly. “That was kind of fun in a hectic way. Thanks for staying up with me these past few nights.”

Levi fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt. “It’s so I know what to do when it’s my turn to make an appointment,” he mumbles. He cringes when he speaks. He doesn’t sound convincing at all.

“Then we’ll do it again when it’s your turn,” Petra says. She points her index finger at him. “It’s the least I can do after you stayed up with me. I should do the same for you.”

He tells her that she doesn’t have to, but Petra insists and won’t let him go back into his apartment until he agrees. They have an undecided date for when they book Levi’s appointment. Petra, ever the optimist, says that the system will probably be less hectic by the time Levi’s eligible, but Levi’s not so sure. Still, he feels quite content as he returns to his apartment.

Petra gets her vaccine tomorrow. Levi wonders if he should construct a care package for her when she comes back and leave it at her doorstep. Not anything fancy, he thinks, just the essentials just in case side effects hit: canned chicken noodle soup, tea and honey, Gatorade, and a small bottle of Tylenol just in case. That’s probably overkill though, Levi sighs. He can think about being nice and thoughtful all he wants, but he knows he’ll back out in the end because there’s a chance that he’s overstepping his boundaries. He should just play it cool. Play it safe. Just pop out on the balcony tomorrow night and ask her how it went, if she was nervous, if her arm hurts.

It’s fine. He doesn’t need to be her caretaker. It’s good enough that they’re neighbors, two people in a short-distance relationship of six feet (or more) apart, unlikely friends in this strange time. It’s too much for him to hope to find love in this time of COVID-19. It’s enough that they’re just two people helping each other stay safe from COVID and booking appointments together. Maybe in a month or two they can be friends who are fully vaccinated against the virus. Two people who still take precautions against the infectious disease but who can live life in a little less fear because their chances of contracting the virus are lowered to about 5%. Two people who can smile at each other without their masks on.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Levi gets his vaccine two months after Petra. Like many other people, he suffered few side effects from the first dose except for a sore arm the very next day. The effects of the second dose are far worse.

He was warned by Petra, who told him that the effects of the second dose were like getting hit by the flu virus and a truck at the same time. He was also warned by various anonymous persons on the internet that were kind enough to share their vaccine experiences on online forums as well as medical professionals that posted informative online videos on YouTube. No warning could have prepared him for how bad the side effects really were.

Levi feels the effects of the second dose ten hours after he returns home from his vaccine appointment. At first, his arm just aches and he feels slightly drowsy. He doesn’t think much of it, thinking that these effects are mild compared to what other people are experiencing. After a few more hours, his body feels terribly cold and his entire body is aching. Everything irritates him more than usual: the light streaming in from his balcony hurts his eyes, the rattle of the air vent is grating to his ears, and the pounding of his head makes him want to bang his head against the wall until he passes out. To put it lightly, he feels like shit.

Petra said she only felt some muscle pain and had a slight fever for a few hours, but Levi feels like he can barely walk. The night Petra had her second dose, she only came out for a few minutes to talk to Levi before leaving to sleep early, but Levi doesn’t think he can even manage that.

Lying on the couch with a blanket draped over his body and an ice pack on his head, Levi manages to reach for his phone on the coffee table and type out a brief text message.

Levi:

Staying in tonight. See you tomorrow if I feel better.

Petra:

🙁🙁🙁

I hope it’s not too bad.

Feel better soon!

I hope you feel better tomorrow 😊

Levi wonders what she means when she says she hopes he feels better tomorrow. Does that mean she hopes he feels better so that they can see each other tomorrow? Or maybe he’s overthinking it and she’s just being polite. It’s normal to say “hope you feel better” when someone is feeling awful, isn’t it?

He doesn’t want to think about this too much. He should just rest instead of mulling about what Petra’s messages really mean. With a sigh, Levi turns his phone screen off and leaves it face-down on the table so that he’s not tempted to check his texts every time he gets a new notification.

Levi settles down against the pillows on his couch and wraps his blankets around him. He’s already taken a Tylenol, but it has only managed to dull his headache and not get rid of it completely. His limbs still feel achy, although not in the unbearable way they did an hour ago. He wonders if he should eat something. He had downed a Gatorade when he first got home and then drank another bottle a few hours ago, but he hasn’t eaten much except for a slice of bread and half an apple. It would probably be best for him to eat something else, but he doesn’t have the energy to get up off the couch and prepare something. Even a packet of ramen feels like it would be too much for him to handle at the moment.

He tosses and turns on the couch until he finds a position that he doesn’t hate. He’s not sure how he’ll be able to sleep when he feels this uncomfortable. He thinks it’ll take him at least an hour or two, but he drifts off without realizing and doesn’t wake up until he hears the ringing of his doorbell.

Groggy with sleep and muscles still aching, Levi gets up from the couch, his blankets dragging behind him as he checks the door. When he looks through the peephole, he doesn’t see anything. He’s too tired to even be angry about someone ding-dong ditching his door and he’s too feverish to even wonder why somebody would ring his doorbell only to abandon his doorstep moments later. He’s about to walk back to his couch and collapse into another dreamless sleep, but the thought that he might have accidentally called for some takeout while in his post-vaccine delirium forces him to yank open the door.

There isn’t anybody in sight nor is there a bag of takeout. Instead, there’s a basket with a note on it. Levi bends down to read the neat script printed on the paper:

Hope you feel better soon! I made some food that might help since you’re probably not in the mood to cook for yourself. 😊

-Petra

Levi stands there and blinks at the basket of food, wondering if this is all part of his fever dream. Maybe he hasn’t woken up yet. Levi is sure he’s dreamed this all up, but his body hurts too much for him to be still dreaming. He’s about to go in and text Petra to ask her if she really had left the basket of food for him, but he looks up to see the apartment door across from him cracked open and his gossipy neighbor looking at him, only her eye visible. Startled, Levi quickly grabs the basket and shuts the door behind him with a slam.

He carries the basket with him to the couch, setting it on the table. When he picks up his phone, he sees he has over a dozen messages. Most of them, unsurprisingly, are from Isabel, but when he scrolls to the bottom he sees he also has one from Petra. He taps on that one first.

Petra:

Cooking post-vaccine sucks!! I know from personal experience 😥

Left you some goodies outside your door jic you don’t feel like cooking. I hope you enjoy!

If it’s from Petra, then it’s safe to inspect the package. Levi lifts the cloth covering the top of the basket and peers inside. He pulls out a colorful tumbler first. The container is a pretty and pastel peach color that fades to white at the bottom. On the side it has a label with the same neat handwriting the first note had. “Peach smoothie,” it says with the ingredients listed in smaller print at the bottom: peaches, banana, greek yogurt, almond milk, honey, vanilla & cinnamon. When Levi looks at the other containers, he finds that they’re labeled similarly.

It’s difficult to explain how Levi feels as he sits on the couch and eats the rice porridge Petra had packed. The porridge is still warm, steam escaping from the thermos when Levi had first unscrewed the cap. Earlier, he hadn’t been in the mood to eat, but now he finds he can’t stop as he shovels spoonful after spoonful of rich, hearty porridge in his mouth.

It’s warm, Levi thinks, and he continues to eat. He no longer feels the chills that had confined him to his couch and forced Levi to wrap himself in layers and layers of blankets. He just feels warm and content, the rich broth from the rice porridge filling his belly and warming him from the inside out. There are tender chunks of chicken breast that Levi devours hungrily and tiny pieces of julienned ginger that balance the porridge out with a kick of spice and just the tiniest bit of sweetness. Levi doesn’t remember the last time he’s eaten so well.

He feels … so content as he sits back against his couch, upright for the first time in hours. He nibbles on the apple slices had cut for him, making sure to admire the little rabbit-ears she had taken the time to carve into each one. In between sips of the peach smoothie, Levi ponders.

Is it normal for neighbors to make food for their neighbors when they’re feeling ill? Is it something good acquaintances do? Is it something friends do? The last one is possible, although Levi has yet to receive a care package from Isabel or Farlan. Then again, he wasn’t planning on sending them one for their second doses, although he’s seriously considering it after experiencing the second dose side effects firsthand. It could be that his post-vaccine delirium is causing him to imagine things that aren’t there: affection, fondness … love?

Levi downs the rest of his smoothie and decides to sleep it all away.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Levi does feel better the next morning, but he doesn’t feel entirely okay either. He feels … strange. While the symptoms he suffered from previously are now gone, Levi finds himself suffering from new ones. They aren’t as uncomfortable as everything he had yesterday — fever, body ache, chills, headache, to name a few — but they make him feel anxious nonetheless. He could be one of the few cases suffering from deadly side effects after the vaccine.

Like any person without a medical degree or a friend in the medical field, Levi takes to the Internet to find answers. He looks up all the uncomfortable symptoms he’s feeling: chest pain, heart palpitations, light-headedness. When he thinks he’s found a consistent answer among various medical sites, he immediately calls Farlan over Zoom.

“I think I’m dying,” he tells Farlan immediately after his friend picks up.

Farlan furrows his brow, his blue eyes filled with concern. “You mean … you didn’t manage to get COVID right before your second dose, did you?” Farlan runs a hand through his honey-blond hair, looking around his apartment for things he needs to drive over to Levi’s house: his wallet, keys, a first aid kit. “Are you okay? I’ll drive over there really quick.”

“No, no. Not COVID,” Levi says quickly. He rubs his hand over his chest. “It’s just … I’ve been feeling strange. I’ve been getting heart palpitations. Sometimes my chest hurts and I feel lightheaded. I think I might have myocarditis.”

Farlan blinks once. Twice. He takes a deep breath and then breathes out. Calmer now, he says, “I thought we talked about you self-diagnosing yourself with different diseases. Just because you’re a hypochondriac does not mean you’re qualified to make these types of calls about your health.”

“I’m serious this time!” Levi says. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? There are other people who have taken the vaccine and have developed pericarditis and myocarditis. I’m not being paranoid.” Levi admits to being quick to diagnosing himself with diseases in the past, many of which were probably impossible for him to contract in hindsight, but he doesn’t know why Farlan is scolding him for being careful about his health.

Farlan sighs. He leans back against his chair and rubs his eyes. “Alright,” Farlan says. He sits up. He doesn’t look angry anymore, just tired. “Tell me everything in detail this time and don’t leave anything out.”

“Well, I told you,” Levi says. “Chest pain and heart palpitations and dizziness -”

“And these all started right after you received your second vaccine?” Farlan asks.

“Yeah, I …,” Levi’s voice trails off. He pauses just a moment and realizes it’s not the first time he’s experienced these symptoms. He’s felt it once or twice before, these strange pangs in his chest and his heart fluttering oddly. “It happened before. When I was with Petra.”

Farlan smirks. “Well, congratulations. It looks like you’re not sick. You’re just an idiot,” he tells Levi and then adds, “and in love.” Before Levi can deny it, Farlan hangs up.

Levi is still spluttering at his screen when a message from Farlan pops up.

Farlan:

Ask her out.

Levi stares at the message even as a million little notifications from Isabel pop up asking him why he called Farlan without her. He thinks about the message. He thinks about asking Petra. He winces when the thought of it brings an odd, sharp pain to his chest, the same one he’s been feeling all morning.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Petra smiles when she sees him that night, her eyes crinkling the way they do when she smiles and her mask shifting upwards. Levi still doesn’t know what her smile looks like, but he’s imagined it every night for weeks on end.

“Feeling better?” she asks Levi. She leans against the railing, her arms resting on top. Levi stands his railing too, but he doesn’t lean against it the way Petra does. It’s perhaps the closest they’ve gotten in all the time they’ve spoken with each other. “The second dose is really something, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Levi mumbles. He wonders if he looks terrible, if his face is pale or cheeks flushed, if there are bags under his eyes, if he looks any thinner than he was the day before. He hopes he doesn’t look too horrible.

Petra rests her head on her arms, eyes looking up at Levi. “So what are you gonna do once your two weeks are up and you have the antibodies?” she asks. “I mean, don’t go crazy and crowd surf at an unmasked concert, of course, but maybe you could go out and eat at a restaurant if they have outdoor dining or something.”

“Actually, I was thinking of staying home,” Levi says. His palms are sweating already and his heart is doing that thing where it’s beating erratically against his chest. His head is feeling strange. There’s a chance that Levi might faint and fall off his balcony where he’ll fall four stories until he hits the ground. He almost doesn’t believe it when he hears himself say, “I was actually wondering if you wanted to eat dinner at my place once my two weeks are over.”

Petra’s eyebrows are lifted in surprise. Maybe if she weren’t wearing a mask right now, Levi would see her lips shaped in a perfect O. After a moment, she asks, “Are you really asking me to have dinner with you on your first night of being fully vaccinated?” Her tone is teasing. It makes Levi blush and he almost regrets asking her until Petra says, “I’d be honored. Do you want me to bring anything? I can cook pretty well.”

“If you really want to,” Levi says. He doesn’t know how he’s still standing. A part of him feels as if he’s still on his couch in a fever-filled haze, suffering from the effects of the second vaccine. There’s no way all of this isn’t a dream. Subtly, he wraps his arm around his torso and pinches himself in the ribs. It hurts too much to be a dream.

He’s two weeks closer to seeing Petra without a mask on.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The night of the dinner, Levi finds himself frantically running around his apartment. He took the day off work just to clean his apartment even though he cleans it at least twice daily already. This time, he’s taken the liberty of dusting off the corners of the ceiling and making sure to get all the dirt from behind the furniture. He’s even cleaned the inside of each and every cabinet, including the very top cabinets that are a bitch for him to clean.

It’s overkill, Isabel and Farlan told him. They told him to just treat it like a normal dinner, to just pretend as if they’re the ones coming over instead of Petra, but Levi can’t do that. The difference between Petra and his friends is just too vast. For one thing, he knows that Farlan and Isabel don’t mind a bit of dust, but he’s not sure the same can be said for Petra. Because is so careful in following COVID prevention guidelines, he’s sure she would appreciate the extra time he takes cleaning his apartment just for her arrival.

He couldn’t decide what to buy for dinner. He knows Petra had offered to bring some food over for tonight, but it feels rude to assume that she’ll provide a full-course meal. The problem with ordering food himself is that he doesn’t know what kind of food she likes. Mexican? Italian? Chinese? Indian? There are too many possibilities. He doesn’t know if she has any food preferences or allergies either, and he’s far too nervous to ask her. Levi doesn’t know how to cook for shit, so ordering takeout is the norm for him, but it’s different when you’re ordering for another person. In the end, he orders one dish from different restaurants hoping that at least one dish will be able to satisfy Petra.

Then there’s the question of what to wear.

“Just wear anything,” Farlan groans. He’s splayed out in his chair and looking up at the ceiling. He hasn’t looked at the past dozen outfits Levi has suggested. “Wear your all-black grunge number or a three-piece suit. I’m sure it doesn’t matter.”

“I can’t just wear anything,” Levi hisses. “What will she think of me?”

“You’ve seen each other at 2 AM with only pajamas on,” Farlan points out. He yawns, not bothering to cover his mouth. “I’m pretty sure you two know each other well enough not to mind the other person’s fashion choices.”

“You should wear those tight leather pants,” Isabel says. She leans forward in her seat, her head in her palm with her elbow resting on her knee. “With that see-through shirt. And put some hair gel in your hair. Also maybe put on some eyeliner.”

Levi blinks. “I don’t have any of those things.”

Isabel groans. “I know, your wardrobe is sooooo boring!”

He shouldn’t have asked Farlan and Isabel for their help. He ends up with a mask, a sky-blue button-down, his darkest pair of jeans, and more anxiety than he had this morning. Petra should be here any minute and he’s feeling strange again. The same symptoms as before plague him: dizziness, pains in his chest, heart palpitations. The chime of his doorbell is enough to make him jump out of his seat on the couch and almost fall on the floor.

Levi scrambles for the door, pulling it open. There Petra stands, mask on and a bag full of food she’s prepared for tonight. She looked nice more than six feet away when they were standing on their balconies, but she looks even nicer standing right in front of him. He’s about to say as much when he notices the door across from them open and his neighbor’s eye peep out from the crack. Startled, he pulls Petra in just as she’s saying hello and slams the door behind her.

He breathes a sigh of relief only for his breath to hitch in his throat when he realizes that he’s trapped Petra in between him and the door. They’re standing far closer than six feet apart. It’s closer than six inches apart. It’s even closer than six centimeters. He can count every strand of ginger hair on her head, every eyelash, every freckle sprinkled across her cheeks.

Startled, Levi stumbles backward and apologizes. “S-sorry,” he stammers. His cheeks are flushed red with embarrassment, the heat made worse with his mask on. “The woman in the apartment across from me was staring.”

“Oh, yeah,” Petra says. She looks behind her, although there’s no way for her to see the neighbor now that Levi’s door is closed. When she turns back, her eyes are crinkled. “She talks a lot, that one.”

“Yeah,” Levi mumbles. He stares at Petra. He can’t help it. There’s a smile hidden behind her mask. He can see it if he only asks. He’s closer to seeing it than he’s ever been. Soon, he’ll know what lies beneath. Cautiously, carefully, Levi asks, “Would you like to take off your mask?”

“Sure,” Petra says. She unhooks the elastics from her ears. She removes the mask from her face, looks at Levi, and smiles.

It’s more beautiful than Levi could have imagined: a dimple in her cheek, freckles sprinkled across her skin that her mask had always covered until today, and just the slightest overbite in her smile. It makes Levi’s heart do a weird flip in his chest, worse than he’s ever felt before. His palms are sweating and he’s feeling light-headed. He’s not sure he’s even breathing.

Breathlessly, Levi tears off his mask. “Can I kiss you?” The question falls from his mouth without him thinking. He’s about to take it back and apologize for being too forward, but Petra takes a step closer to him.

Her smile is dazzling, growing wider as Petra takes a step. Her eyes crinkle the way they always did on the balcony. “Sure,” she says and reaches to place one hand on the back of Levi’s neck before pulling him in for a kiss.

It’s perfect.

#rivetra #snk #covid 19 pandemic au #levi ackerman #petra ral #requests #asks #answered #anon #anonymous

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hyperbali · 4 years

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Agatha Harkness Was Right, And Here’s Why

Alright. Finally had to sit down and write my way out of this quiet, internal temper tantrum, and a few people were interested in seeing what I had to say, so I present to you:

Agatha Harkness Was Right, And Here’s Why

Disclaimer: MASSIVE spoilers for the entirety of WandaVision, and I am not nice about it.

I’ll start off by saying that, for all its foibles, WandaVision was genuinely a good example of a property within the MCU/Disney umbrella that stepped out of the usual ‘good guys fight bad guys action extravaganza’ in a way that pushed the envelope. The pseudo-horror aspect of the first few episodes is something I would really love to see engaged with on a more thoughtful basis in future projects.

I would say that it proved to be more than a vehicle to promote toys, but… well…

Yeah. Anyway.

I’ll assume that you watched WandaVision if you’re reading this, but quick recap: In the aftermath of ‘the Blip,’ Wanda is left broken and alone with no one in her corner. Her biggest mentor willingly abandoned his team to get his own ‘happy’ ending (do not get me started on Steve, that’s a document in and of itself), her other biggest mentor is probably off enjoying his family while ignoring the incredibly racist killing spree he’s been on for the past five years, and her lover is dead. When she goes to claim the body, she’s told nuh-uh, that’s government property, please leave.

So she goes to a plot of land in the middle of some nowhere town in New Jersey, which Vision apparently bought despite the fact they were living a pretty decently comfortable life in Scotland, where she looks at the deed that Vision drew a heart on and wrote ‘To Grow Old In’. Very sweet. Kind of weird, considering nothing of this caliber had ever been suggested for either of their characters and they’d been actively running from specifically the U.S. authorities? But sweet.

She has a breakdown and, in her grief, contains the entire town of Westview and all 3,892 of the people in it in her own personal paradise, where nothing bad ever happens beyond sitcom hijinks, no one dies, and every problem is tied up and neatly dealt with by the end of an ‘episode’. Except we learn that this is only paradise to Wanda, who apparently shares the aspect of having to relate everything to her favourite pop culture with Tony, because everyone else in Westview is more or less being psychologically tortured by the incredible amount of pain she’s in, forced to be puppeted actors to make her happy.

Bear in mind, Westview might have been bigger at some point - we have no idea how many people survived the Blip, or how many have been brought back to life within the past few weeks of the current setting. Either way, this is a town that has already dealt with a lot of trauma being dragged into yet another awful, much more specific kind of emotional damage, thanks to ‘the heroes’. Nice.

Agatha Harkness, a witch who’s been up to who-knows-what in the 340 years since she drained the coven that tried to kill her for getting a little too ambitious into jerky, feels the massive expenditure of magical power and decides to investigate. All the while, she carefully uses her own magic to try and peek into Wanda’s psyche, her motivations, all while keeping up appearances and not letting slip that anything is amiss.

I’ll point out that she’s no saint here, either - she specifically keeps one Westview resident at her mercy, and knows what’s happening to the rest of them, but doesn’t attempt to stop it. I’ll chalk that up to her pragmatism; their ‘sacrifice’ was fine to her as long as she could figure out how Wanda could have done something so unheard of in terms of power.

What we come to learn over the course of the show is that, given everything that happened, Wanda didn’t mean to take over an entire town and tool it into her own personal slice of heaven. She very quickly became aware of it; we know that she knows it’s her own personal bubble as soon as episode three, when she’s confronting Monica about how the latter could possibly know about Ultron. Wanda is made further aware of how much damage this is inflicting on others in episode five, when Vision himself tells her that these people are scared. But still, she has everything handled! It’s okay! The outside world is worse, trust her!

Her handling of the question, ‘where are all the children of Westview,’ is one that bears some thinking - and, y’know, kind of more than a little concern. They’re allowed to walk around as part of the ‘Halloween special,’ but as Vision walks further and further out towards the edges of town where Wanda doesn’t have as much full control, people are just frozen in place, or conducting the same few seconds of action over and over. And fully aware of being trapped.

How are they being sustained? Eating, sleeping? If someone isn’t part of her storyline, is she just locking them down into a coma? What made Wanda decide that keeping the children ‘out of the way’ was somehow kinder than involving them, especially given her later argument that she’s been trying to keep the entire town safe and happy?

The fact of the matter is, she only actually starts to feel remorse for any of this after she’s confronted with the fact that, after weeks of being at her mercy, the townspeople of Westview would rather be dead than endure another moment of having to play nice for her enjoyment. She finally opens the ‘bubble’ to let them out - which leads to the ‘epic’ finale of three different entities trying to take down Wanda and her happy family: the S.W.O.R.D. military led by Hayward, the White Vision, and Agatha.

Winding back to how we got here: after Agatha uses her own trapped resident, Ralph Bohner (who, given his casting and the props in place during the last episode, I’m willing to bet is actually the missing witness protection person Jimmy was looking for) in an attempt to lure out Wanda’s reasoning - and fails - she’s pretty much done pretending. She tricks Wanda into her basement, nullifies her powers, and makes her face her own past to get to the truth of the matter.

Not going to lie, favourite moment of the show. Kathryn Hahn killed Agatha’s slightly-amused-slightly-irritated observations about Wanda’s coping mechanisms, and the whole arrangement was extremely meta. I would have paid real money dollars to see her do the same thing to the likes of Tony, Strange, and Loki. Hell, even just having her meet the rest of the Avengers? Augh. If wishes were fishes.

When Agatha comes to the conclusion that Wanda is the vaunted, nigh-indestructible force of nature that she’s literally spent her entire life reading about is the ultimate source of chaos magic and will likely bring about the end of the world, she’s pretty understandably taken aback. To that matter, the fact that Wanda… has very little control over any of it, and is using what she does understand to play housemaker? After how long Agatha has spent learning control, hiding in plain sight, just to be child’s play compared to what Wanda has at her fingertips? I’d be pretty pissed off, too!

The way that WandaVision handled both of the major ‘fights’ - Vision versus White Vision ending in philosophy, and Wanda ending up beating Agatha at her own game of deception - is excellent. A little grating that they had to go with the beat down angle before they got there, but this is MCU; punches and thrown cars had to get shoved in somewhere. And, given that this series very much played with the idea of grey morality, I was sort of hopeful that Agatha would end up in a not-quite stalemate arrangement with Wanda. She’s not as powerful as the Scarlet Witch, but she has the know-how that Wanda sorely lacks; in recompense for her own deeds, she would be able to teach what she knows while also kind of scheming on her own time.

Y’know, like what they did with rehabilitating Loki?

Except that Wanda, who has just gone through the entire rigamarole of coming to terms with the fact that she trapped thousands of people into a nightmare scenario against their will, rendering them helpless to her mercy… traps Agatha into a nightmare scenario against her will, rendering her helpless to Wanda’s mercy.

That moment actually shook me. Oh, my god. We’re supposed to still look at Wanda as a good guy after this?

This isn’t even covering the incredibly awful confrontation with her and Vision where she tries to gaslight him into believing that everything is A-OK, or the fact that the person she gets most violent with (apart from Agatha) is Monica Rambeau, a black woman who spends most of the show bending over backwards trying to say that what Wanda is doing is understandable, justified, and just needs a gentle touch to be dealt with.

That could be its own document, too - how Monica, much as she’s incredible and definitely looks to be a really exciting addition to the MCU roster, more or less gets used as the Good One to absolve and enable Wanda’s actions. One of her last lines to Wanda, after seeing how the people of Westview (rightfully) look at Wanda like she’s monstrous, is “they’ll never know what you sacrificed.”

Sacrificed what? The fake husband and fake kids she made out of her own compulsion to pretend that everything is okay? None of that would have existed if she’d been given the proper resources to actually cope with how much loss she’s had to deal with. None of that would have existed if she hadn’t caused this problem in the first place.

In the end, Wanda flies off in her fancy new gear before the FBI shows up, avoiding any real consequences to her actions - which has pretty much been the running theme of her character ever since she was introduced to the MCU in Age of Ultron. The worst kind of direct consequence she’s ever gotten was being grounded to her room for a while, then kept in the Raft for, like, maybe a day - and both times, she was broken out post-haste.

Meanwhile, she worsened the issues in Sokovia (which, I will say upfront, was Tony’s fault to begin with), unleashed the Hulk on Johannesburg, got a pretty significant amount of civilians killed as bystanders in Lagos (hey, how come Wanda keeps turning a lot of black people into casualties?), and stood back in Wakanda to let their people try to fight off Thanos from getting to Vision until it was clear that there was no other option than for her to get involved.

Great Power Comes With No Responsibility At All, Actually.

Wanda, in the several years she has maintained her identity as an Avenger, has proven time and time again that she takes on innumerable risks without any full understanding of what they mean, allows others to take on the brunt of the fallout for her, and looks sad until she’s forgiven and moves on to the next problem. She has no business casually throwing around the kind of power that being the Scarlet Witch entails, not until she’s actually made any kind of headway into making reparations for what she’s done and tried, really tried, to get a handle on what she’s capable of.

Which she’s apparently doing in the last post-credits scene, astral reading the literal Book of the Damned on her lonesome in the mountains, but… without anyone to guide her, or give her any kind of boundary?

[I ran out of images I could post, but you know exactly what image I am referring to here]

Agatha Harkness was right. And that should terrify everybody that has to deal with Wanda in the future.

(P.S. Do we know if she actually even killed that dog? We never see her holding anything but a blanket, and characters go in and out of that show all the time. Granted, she wasn’t great with the cicada-turned-bird... hmm.)

Additional Notes:

“Well, you’re a Tony Stan, of course you think Wanda’s a villain”

I like Tony because he’s such an awful mess, and the narrative isn’t exactly kind about telling him what a piece of shit he can be! He reaped a lot of problems, created practically half the villains in the MCU, and ended up dying a martyred hero. Thanks to being the tent pole by which this franchise hoisted itself into a cultural powerhouse, he will always be their golden savior. If you want to read about how he’s the true villain of this entire affair, feel free to look up any number of takedown pieces about him that are out there. He’s a dick. I will never “uwu sad baby who did nothing wrong ever 🥺” him the way people do about Wanda.

“Why are you so pressed about this”

Because something as good in concept as WandaVision could and should have been about anyone other than the whitewashed, antisemitic take on Wanda Maximoff that MCU brought upon us. They put crucifixes on her wall in Civil War, for fuck’s sake!

“Weren’t you mad about them not including Aaron Taylor-Johnson”

At this point, I am almost kind of relieved the real Pietro wasn’t resurrected for this, because god knows they probably would have killed him all over again just to inflict that much more pain on his sister.

“Anything else you’d like to tell us, turbo nerd”

This was literally itching at me all weekend to write, so it’s more or less just to get it off my chest. If you powered your way through it, uh… thanks? Sorry if I yucked your yums, but I tried to be as clear with the disclaimer as I could. 🤷‍♂️

#blah blah #long post #marvel #mcu #wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision critical #anti wanda maximoff

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ateezmakemeweep · 5 years

Text

four in the morning.

yunho x reader; strangers to lovers

word count: 11k

angst, fluff, smut

10:05 p.m.

you never wanted a public proposal. you had told your boyfriend every time you saw someone get down on one knee in times square on new year's eve or in front of cinderella's castle at disney world that you would absolutely die if he did that to you.

and maybe it speaks to your naivety, to your complete disregard of just how shitty he's treated you over these past five years, that you thought that would ever be a problem in your relationship. because he's the guy who ditches you for his friends and religiously forgets date night, who falls asleep right after extremely unsatisfying sex that has you faking orgasms, who doesn't answer your texts all day but freely like posts on instagram.

and evidently, he's also the guy who breaks up with his girlfriend in the middle of dinner.

because one second the waitress is putting down the dessert, a tiramisu cheesecake you were drooling just thinking about all night, and then the next, before she's even out of ears reach, he blurts out, "we should break up."

you don't even say anything at first, just stare blankly and shake your head because he didn't just that. he wouldn't say that. not today on this day and not right now in this setting.

"wh-what?"

but he doesn't miss a beat.

"i've been thinking about it for a while, y/n," he says to you, leaning on his hand like this whole conversation is about to be a bore. "i just...we've been together for so long and i'm really kind of...sick of it."

"you're... you're sick of it?" you squeak.

"well yeah, i mean it's been four years and i don't wanna lie and say i feel like i'm still in love with y-"

"five."

"what?" he asks, looking at you in pure and utter confusion and you don't know if you feel more heartbroken or angry at this very moment.

"five. we've been together for five years," you tell him, voice too calm and composed for how you're feeling inside. "in fact, today marks our fifth year together. but you didn't remember that, did you?"

you think you would've felt better if he showed some sort of regretful or guilty reaction, his mouth dropping open or face lighting up like the date sent off alarm bells in that stupid little head of his. but nothing. just a thoughtful nod, like you told him the food was good or you needed another drink.

"oh," he says with a small shrug, "well five years then, even longer than i thought. see, y/n, i'm just over it. i'm over this relationship and i'm over being someone's boyfriend."

"hm....hm," is all you hum because you refuse to make a warner and elle woods type of scene in this restaurant right now. but your burning throat and shaking hands want so badly to do something. to scream and curse at him or throw that cake right in his face or maybe even slap him for being so cold and harsh and detached.

"are you mad?"

a laugh bubbles out of your mouth now and anyone around can probably hear how unhinged it sounds, like you're a second away from having some sort of breakdown or bursting into tears and screaming.

"am i mad?" you ask, a cold edge finally seeping into your tone. "am i mad my boyfriend just broke up with me, in public, at our anniversary dinner? are you seriously fucking asking me that?" you grunt out the words through clenched teeth, lowering your voice when you let the profanity slip out.

"well...yeah," he says dopily, "i still care about you as a person. i just- don't wanna be in a relationship anymore. i kind of figured i was making it obvious these past few weeks."

"then why wouldn't you have just told me the second you had these thoughts!" you spit and now the volume of your voice is considerably louder. "why make me wait and then do it at this very moment!"

"i-i don't know, i didn't really know how or when was a good time to tell you."

"oh, well thank god you waited, this was truly ideal," you growl sarcastically.

and then, like he has any right to be offended or upset, he lets out a scoff. "look, i'm sorry but this is what i want....i'll still pay for dinner if that's what you're-"

"you think i give a single fuck if you pay for dinner!"

you finally break whatever composure you were channeling, voice breaking and raising and causing the several groups of people to look in your direction. some of them are subtle with their side-eyes and whispers while others are full on staring, mouths agape with looks of pity and you wouldn't be surprised if you find a video of this on the internet later.

"what is your problem," he says, "i said i'm sorry but you really can't be that-"

"leave," you tell him, quietly now, with your head down and eyes on the table. "i'll take care of it. just please...get away from me."

there's a few beats of silence before he mumbles something along the lines of "whatever," deeply sighing like this is actually causing him any distress, like he's the one who has to stay here with lingering gazes and pitiful stares. you think he might take a breath to say something else but then ultimately decides against it, the squeaking of a chair and heavy foot steps walking away indicating you're finally alone.

and it's during that time your tears start falling, your head hung and hand cupping your forehead so the people around you don't get more of a show.

maybe a part of you knew deep down that the relationship was gonna be over, that it really should've been for your sake and you were just too scared to accept it. but it was just the manner in which he did it, so coldly and out of nowhere, like the past five years didn't mean anything to him. and you can't deny the sickening parallel to years of you telling him you didn't want him to fucking propose to you in public and then going and dumping you at one of your favorite resturants.

"i'm so stupid, oh my, god, i'm so fucking stupid," you mumble out, voice wobbly and wet before you feel the presence of the waitress at your side. you peak up at her as she bends down holding out a packet of tissues, a sympathetic look on her face that has you realizing she probably watched the whole thing go down.

"you're not stupid, baby, don't say that," she says, placing her hand on your arm comfortingly.

you thank her quietly for the tissues, taking one out and dapping at your wet face. "i'm sorry, this is so embarrassing," you squeak out, "i'm gonna pay the bill don't worry, i just...i needed him to leave."

"no, i'm so sorry that just happened. i can't believe he thought that was okay."

you sniffle as you scrunch up the tissue. "i-i know," you say, "i mean i knew he was an asshole but he really just...our anniversary dinner! and during dessert! i was so excited for this cake."

she laughs softly at your sad whine, placing down the tissue packet and moving the plate closer to you. "well, you can still be excited. don't you dare let him ruin this tiramisu." you're pleastantly surprised when a small chuckle leaves your mouth, wiping at your face with your wrist.

"you're right, he can't taint it," you say before catching the side glances of people surrounding you, "but i think i have to get out of here before i cause any more of a disturbance."

she nods her head sympathetically, urging you to take a few bites and that she'll bring the check right over.

you keep your head down as embarrassed tears threaten to fall again, the feeling like a milllion eyes are on you making you feel even more awkward and unsettled; you're sure it's just paranoia but you swear you can feel eyes boring into the side of your face, someone probably laughing and mocking and feeling so incredibly sorry for your pitiful situation.

sorry enough that when the waitress comes back, she tells you someone has already paid for your bill. your eyes widen upon hearing the news, looking around curiously and stuttering out incoherent bits of sentences.

"who?" is the only clear thing you're able to ask.

"i don't know, he just left," she tells you, "brown-haired guy. very tall. cute, too." you feel her hand on the back of your chair when you stand up. "and i'm sorry again, honey. i didn't charge you for the cake but i hope to see you in here again enjoying it," she adds on quietly.

you give her a grateful smile and nod, assuring her you'll definitely be back before rushing out to catch up with the mysterious man who just dropped well over $100 on two complete strangers. and luckily, you don't have to look very far. because there he is, all dark hair and broad shoulders, leant against the side of the building with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth.

he sees your teary-gaze meet his and his lips quirk up ever so slightly before he flicks the ashes and begins to turn around. but your low "hey!" stops him in his tracks. he cranes his neck back to look at you, the sky dark around you both but the light from the streetpoles clearly showing both of your expressions.

his is unnervingly blank, only a flicker of soft sympathy in his eye while your own, still heartbroken, also holds a curious, maybe even a wary look. because why would this stranger do that? could he have felt that bad?

you make your way up to him, feeling slightly intimidated when he fully turns around and you see just how much he towers over you. but it's funny because his face is shockingly...sweet looking, like a fresh-faced boy you'd see in church or volunteering at a nursing home.

but then his large stature, the shoulders you can't stop eyeing, his all black attire mixed with the scent of cigarette smoke and cologne makes for a very strange contrast. even his voice, when he finally mumbles back a "hi," is sweet sounding.

"why did you...the waitress said you paid my bill." your tone is quiet and small but still manages to sound accusatory.

"i did, i'm sorry," he says and you're wondering if the pink flush on his cheeks is from the cold. "i hope you didn't mind." you find yourself staring at him blankly, eyebrows pinched together because...did he really just apologize for that?

"i...well no but..i..it was probably expensive," you eventually get out, "you didn't have to do that."

"well, neither did he," yunho mumbles and you can tell by the airiness in his tone he didn't mean anything bad by it. but it doesn't stop your face from dropping slightly, lips pressing into a firm line to distract yourself from your stinging eyes.

"i'm sorry, that was insensitive," he winces, the sincerity in his tone only confirming your thoughts. "but i just... i wanted to pay for it. why should you have?"

you swallow the lump in your throat, shrugging your shoulders lightly because you don't really know what to say back to that.

"because i'm the one who got dumped," you squeak out before a humorless laugh bubbles out of you. "dumped on our anniversary. how pathetic is that?"

"it's pathetic of him," the boy grunts out and you cock your head to the side at how mad he sounds.

"i-i guess..." you say after a few quiet seconds before words start pouring out of you. "i just.. can't believe it. i don't know what i'm gonna do now. i've been with him for so long and got so used to him and then he really went and-" your voice breaking cuts off your sentence, like it's finally hitting you that the relationship is over.

because no matter how bad it was, it was still something you put years of yourself into. years of effort and years of memories and you feel so stupid for feeling this upset when there's far more bad than good.

"i'm sorry, you definitely don't wanna hear this," you laugh out humorlessly as tears sting your eyes. "but...i just wanted to thank you for paying the bill. i wish i could make it up to you somehow, it was probably expensive."

you meet his gaze to see him smiling slightly at you, even though you're on the verge of a breakdown and talking far too much.

"you're welcome," he says before hesitantly continuing. "i was gonna go walk around for a bit. do you wanna join?"

when you look up at him with a wary expression, he puts his hands up in defense, eyes soft and wide as he shakes his head. "it might clear your head a little, that's all."

your fragile heart warms at the gesture but you find yourself declining, insisting you're not the best company right now and that'd he probably regret inviting you.

"i don't think so," he says and his voice is just so kind that you're questioning if he's even real, questioning why on earth this stranger seems to care about your wellbeing. and when he sees you're still teetering, teeth sunk into your lip as you look at him with conflict in your eyes, a sweet smile spreads across his face.

"c'mon, you said you wanted to make it up to me."

your lips purse to the side, eyebrow raised ever so slightly before letting out a quiet sigh. "okay... but don't say i didn't warn you."

his smile widens as his long arms come out to showcase the sidewalk in front of him and you find yourself giggling slightly at his dramatics. you take one last look back at the restaurant before exhaling sharply and feeling his looming presence next to you as you both begin to walk.

"so....were you there with friends tonight?" you chirp, hoping to distract your impending nervousness with conversation.

he tells you he had met his mom there for dinner, who brought along his new step-father he can't help but detest. but he sat politely all throughout the appetizer and main course until one too many ignorant and snappy comments had him putting the man in his place.

"he was also mean to the waitress which is why i eventually snapped," he tells you. and by snapped, he means lowly speaking for him to either find some manners or piss off. "my mom asked for the check so fast and they left within five minutes. so i stayed for a drink."

"i could so use a drink right now," you laugh out, "but it sounds like you were in the right. you're just all types of chivarlous, huh?"

you peak up at him to see a smirk cross his face, his eyes falling to you at the same time and pink covers both your cheeks at being caught. but you and him will pretend it's because of the harsh winds whipping through the city; yes, the whipping wind, definitely not the soft curious gazes and arms bumping into each other clumsily.

"what made that obvious?"

you shake your head as another giggle falls from your lips, tightening the sweater around your body when a particularly harsh breeze pelts into you again. and of course, the boy next to you immediately notices, hears the clattering of your teeth and sharp intake of breath.

"you cold?"

"no, i'm okay," you squeak out. but you already see his movements from the corner of your eye taking off the black bomber jacket.

"please don't give me your coat, i can not-"

but it's already placed around your shoulders before you can finish your sentence, a knowing smirk on his lips when you huff at him, exasperated.

"....i was gonna say your name but it appears i don't even know it."

his deep chuckle rings through the air, stopping his feet so he can properly put his hand out.

"i'm yunho."

"y/n," you say back, taking his large hand in yours and what an innapropriate time for you to admire its sheer size and the length of his fingers. "you're... nice, too nice."

his smile widens looking down at you, hands still intertwined as he cocks his head to the side. "because i gave a cold girl my jacket?"

"and paid for her bill. and welcomed her on a walk," you say, "i'm wondering how much more i can get out of your very obvious pity."

his smile falters, eyebrows knitting as he shakes his head. "i'm not doing this out of pity."

the firm way in which he says it has you lowering your head shyly, eyes on the concrete as you take the hand in his back. all of your emotions are out of wack tonight, your chest not knowing how to feel, broken and aching over that awful dinner but also...slightly warmed by the actions of this random boy.

"then why are you doing it?" your voice sounds so small and it makes a frown cover his face now.

"can't i just be nice to you?" he asks, "why do i need a reason?"

"because we're...strangers," you say, looking up at him hesitantly and pressing your lips together nervously, "and you don't know me."

"everyone's strangers until they're not," he retorts, stepping just a smidge closer to you and it makes you swallow down the dry patch in your throat. "and maybe i want to know you."

when you can't find the words to respond, heart racing and throat clogged, he speaks up again.

"let me distract you tonight."

your eyebrow raises, head turning to the side because you don't know what to make of that comment. because you know you're vulnerable right now, know you should probably go home and cope normally in the form of crying and ice cream.

but you trust him for some reason. trust his soft voice and kind eyes and the way he seems so genuine and pure despite his dark appearance.

"what do you have in mind?" you find yourself asking, stomach fluttering and whether it's from nervousness or his bright smile, you don't know.

"could you still use a drink?"

12:22 a.m

"okay, i think....this is a weeeee bit unsafe!" you say as you stumble up the stairs behind him, his hand pulling you carefully by one of your fingers.

"probably," he says, "but we'll be okay."

the sound of a door squeaking open is the first thing you hear, the harsh whipping of wind the next as your hair blows back and coldness envelops your body. yunho bends to stick a brick in the door before guiding you to the middle of the rooftop.

the dark sky is lit by faint lights shining from apartment buildings and bulletin boards, the only sound an occasional honk of a horn making it's way up the 20 stories. you disconnect your hands to stumble over to the edge, placing them on the cold concrete to peer your head over. you take in the sight of tall buildings and taxis and little figures of people walking the streets.

"heeelllooo!" you scream down at them, your hands cupping your mouth in hopes someone will hear you. yunho's laugh echoes through the sky, quickly walking over to place a hand on your lower back.

"be careful."

you turn around, back now resting on the ledge as you poke his chest lightly. "you're the one that said we'll be okay," you mutter, lowering your voice to imitate his words. "because i'm big and strong and a suspiciously nice boy."

"okay, nice you told me," he says, voice teasing as he stares down at you with bright eyes. "but big and strong, you say?"

"very big and very strong," you say, letting your finger travel from his chest to his shoulder. he watches your eyes follow your hand, roaming from one side of him to the other before meeting his eyes. and it's like his gaze acts as an electric shock, your hand immediately falling from the black material.

"and i had very too much drink."

he smiles down at you, making sure to stay close because he'd be lying if he said you being so close to the edge didn't make him nervous. and perhaps this wasn't his best idea, bringing you up to the roof of his apartment complex after you had one too many beers.

but it's a nice place to clear your head, to take in the sights of the city in a less noisy and crowded way. and he thinks you could use that after the night you had, after the night he couldn't help but hear take place as he sat alone at the bar.

he had ohad a perfect view of you all night. you caught his eye the second he sat down, your shy smile and the way you fidgeted nervously with your hair making him not being able to tear his gaze away.

but then he'd heard the bored tone of the guy across from you, the way he was barely entertaining the conversation and just avoided all your softly spoken questions. he had tightened his grip around the beer bottle one too many times, sick and tired of asshole men who never learned how to respect other people.

"i just wanted my cheesecake."

your sudden whine rips him from his thoughts and he can't help the smirk creeping up on his face.

"which one? the tiramisu?"

it's your surprised gasp and bright eyes that has a smile stretching across his face and your own heart warms upon seeing it. because he is super cute.

"yes! oh, my gosh, yes!" you giggle, "have you had it?"

"every time i go," he chuckles out, "except tonight."

"me too," you say and the sudden thought that he wants to kiss the pout off your face comes into his head. but that would absolutely absurd because he's only known you two hours and you just got broken up with and you're a bit tipsy; there's just far too many reasons for him not to do it.

so he lifts his hand to your mouth, his thumb and pointer finger lifting your face into a smile. you giggle against his hand, opening your mouth playfully and pretending to bite it but he quickly rips it away.

"hey!" his voice is deep but teasing and it makes you squeal as you drunkely trot away from him. in fear that you'll somehow stumble over the edge, he chases after you but the sound of his feet causes you to speed up. your laugh echoes on the rooftop, his own deep chuckles and pleas of "stop!" ringing through the air.

and he wishes you would've listened because no less than ten seconds later do you trip over your shoe lace, stumbling and crashing down right on your side. he yelps your name, rushing over and is grateful to see your head didn't ricochet off the concrete.

"oops," you giggle out, rolling onto your back as you rub at your side. he kneels over you, assessing your face for any injuries and sighing in relief when you're unscathed. but then you sit up, looking around in a daze before your eyes land on the untied white lace.

"okay so not my fault....my shoe was untied."

"i see that," yunho laughs out, tapping his large hand on his knee. you look at him with a small unsure smile.

"let me tie you up."

your eyes widen for a split second, mouth dropping open and you see how bright red his face his face gets even in the dark.

"your shoe! let me tie your shoe up! so you don't fall again." you plop your foot down with a nervous laugh and watch his long fingers double knot your laces before gently placing it down. "next one," he says with a smile, "just in case."

you purse your lips to the side to hide your own, sticking your foot on him before laying back on the cold ground. he plops on his butt after he finishes tying the second shoe, watching you lay there and he hopes you don't fall asleep.

a few moments pass before he hears your quiet voice.

"what'd you say?" he asks, leaning his head towards you. but now it's his eyes that are widening, your hand pulling him by his sweater and if he didn't put his arms out, he probably would've fallen right on top of you. his large figure rolls off, laying right beside you just as you speak again.

"stars," you slur, "i wish we could see them here." because you're just staring at the black abyss, the crescent shaped moon the only thing beaming down at you. but what you'd give to see a sky full of twinkling stars, because there's a sense of wonder in them that always makes you feel better.

"i know, that'd be nice," he sighs. and it's a thought he's also had when he'd sneak up here. whether it was after rough days or okay days or great days, he always found solace up here. but he always thought, especially on those particular nights he felt gloomy, that the stars would've been good company.

"what made you take me up here, anyway?" you hum curiously.

he moves his gaze, watching you look at the sky and he feels his chest tighten. because it's like the moon is reflecting in your eyes, the only source of light shining down on you as you look up and take it all in. and even though your cheeks are red from the wind and tears and your hair is windblown and knotty, "you're beautiful."

he says it so lowly that you wouldn't have heard it if a harsh blow of wind whipped through the air. but because it didn't, because everything up here is now still and unmoving, you crane your neck to look at him.

"what?"

his cheeks flush ever so slightly because he did not mean to blurt that out. but he got lost in his admiration, in the way you looked so angelic and at peace and content and now he really has to work on answering you.

"i'm sorry," he says, voice sounding breathy and flustered. "i meant....i mean, i don't know, really. i just think it's a nice place to get away for a bit."

he thinks he might've scared you off by his compliment, watching you turn your head back to the sky and remain silent for a few beats of time. his brain is screaming at him now that you're gonna jump up and run away and think his intentions were anything but pure. but then his brain and body relax when your soft voice begins to speak up.

"it is," you squeak quietly, "i...think this was a good first choice."

"first choice?"

your head snaps to look at him again, a smile on your face at just his presence next to you. because he's the type of person who has a light around them, who makes you feel at ease and whose soul you just know is good.

"well yeah," you squeak out, "i have you as a distraction all night, right?"

a big smile of his own brightens his face and you feel your heart flutter, jumping and shifting at the way he just looks so happy.

"you do."

"well, i have our second place in mind. but we might have to take a taxi," you explain to him, "on me, of course."

"no need," he says, "this is actually my apartment building. my car is downstairs."

you huff out as your eyes roll and he chuckles when you stare at him with a pained expression.

"what?"

"you're too chivalrous!" you whine, smacking his chest lightly as you cross your legs. he only smiles as he shakes his head at you. but his heart hurts because the bare minimum for you would probably seem like an act of chivarly.

"fine. i'll drive myself there and you can walk," he teases, poking your kneecap lightly when he says the word 'you'.

"deal," you giggle and he bites his lip at the sound, placing his large arm behind his head before you continue. "but first..."

he watches you unzip his jacket, fishing inside of it before whipping out two beer bottles with a smile. "i'd like to finish these, if that's okay."

"did you smuggle those out?!" he asks, humor in his tone as he leans up on his elbows.

"well, i paid for them of course!" you squeak, cheeks heating up at the way he's looking at you with his soft eyes and red cheeks. but then it occurs to you why his poor face is probably bright red. "and since we're at your house now....can i please ask something of you?"

he raises his eyebrow at you.

"please get yourself a jacket."

2:38 a.m.

he'd been driving for a little over an hour when you quietly alert him that you've almost arrived. he'd been led to a suburban area, brick houses lined with garden gnomes and mini vans in a quiet town. he smiles when he drives around the corner and sees a fenced in playground, two jungle gyms equipped with monkey bars and slides as well as a swingset in the farthest corner.

"ah, so this is destination 2?"

"yeah..." he hears you mumble quietly, "do you think it's stupid?"

he looks over at you when he hears the almost whispered tone in your voice, eyes staring down at your lap with your hands tucked into one another tightly. it seems like you think he's gonna berate you, like you're reliving some sort of bad memory and expecting history to repeat itself.

so without thinking, he reaches out with his hand and places it over yours. the unexpected warmth causes you to jump, looking up at him with glossy, hazed eyes.

"of course not," he says softly and you swallow the lump in your throat. "i'm pleasantly surprised. i haven't been on a playground in forever."

the smallest of smiles makes its way on your face, whipping your head back to the park and wiggling your feet. "me either," you mumble.

"then let's go, shall we?" he hums, removing his hand from yours as he turns off the car and opens his door to get out. you just manage to place your hand on the handle when five seconds later, he's opening and holding the passenger side door for you.

"i'm not even gonna say it," you mumble before thanking him quietly. he chuckles as he follows you to one side of the park, a gaping hole in the fence that easily allows the average sized body to slip through. but it proves a bit more challengingly for him, a giggle leaving your mouth as you take him by the hand and pull him the rest of the way in.

"i forgot you're a giant."

he scoffs playfully at you, running past you to get to the swings first. but you're sluggish in your movements, teetering and eyes heavy because you really shouldn't have had those two drinks. you were hoping it'd liven your spirits, make you more fun and playful.

but it appears when you're as sad as you are, the fun parts of drinking get skipped over and the sorrow you're feeling only heightens. and the boy smiling at you on the swing is making it easier, the way he talked and laughed with you in the car, the way he's parading you around and keeping you company so you're not lonely and sad. but you still feel it, feel like you're being crushed by the pain in your chest and torn in two different directions.

"i shouldn't have drank," you whine, taking a seat on the swing and leaning your head against the cool chain. your statement immediately has his eyes widening, his feet stopping on the gravel and looking at you.

"why?" he asks, slight panic in his voice, "are you gonna puke?"

"no," you giggle out slightly as you shake your head. "i just...i know my company's about to get pretty depressing." you swallow the lump forming in your throat, feeling tight and like you're about to choke on it. "your distractions have been....great but i'm still feeling so- i don't know why i'm-"

you feel his hands on your knee, the warmth radiating through your pants as he's bent down and looking at you with those kind brown eyes.

"hey, it's okay," he says softly and it has tears stinging behind your own because he looks at you nicer than he ever did and here you are crying over that waste when you could be getting to know him. "it'd be unusual if you didn't, y/n, it just happened."

your teeth dig into your lip to stop it from trembling, sniffling against the cold air. "i guess...i brought him here once you know."

"yeah?"

his heart wrenches seeing you stare down at your lap dejectedly, moving your foot in small circles that his thumbs micmic on your knee. and that's the way you stay for a while, in the cold silence together as he stays bent down rubbing your knee, your eyes trailing from your lip to his long fingers that have such a gentle touch.

"when we first started dating," you finally say quietly because it was probably one the first red flags that he wasn't gonna be the best boyfriend. you'd been dating for two months, driving back into the city after his first time meeting your parents when you asked him if you could show him one of your favorite places.

and you don't know why you were so surprised when he laughed at you, raised an eyebrow and scoffed because 'why would a grown adult wanna go to a playground?'

"did he like it?" he asks, seeing that you're in your head again.

"of course not," you laugh out humorlessly, "he thought it was so stupid. asked why either of us would even wanna go here when we're full grown adults. but i...i don't know, i came here all the time when i was younger and wanted to show him. i though it'd be fun."

he forgets he's holding onto your knee so you look down when he squeezes it between his large hand, eyes tight and jaw slightly clenched as he shakes his head.

"he's the stupid one," yunho bites into the cold air, "you wanted to show him something meaningful and he couldn't see that."

you shrug as a quiet sigh leaves your mouth. you don't even know why you keep talking but words just keep falling out of you, making you even more mopey and sad and you know he's absolutely regretting this. regretting spending his night with a whiney loser who can't stay out of her own sad head, who doesn't ever know what to say back so you lapse into silence while uncomfortable thoughts plague your mind.

"would you break up with someone like that?" he hears your voice ask lowly and his stomach twists at your question. because it was so random and out of nowhere, he knows you've probably been mulling over everything for these past few silent minutes.

"would you just spring it on a person like that? at a restaurant in front of people?"

he doesn't even have to think about his response.

"no," he mumbles truthfully, "i...don't think i could ever."

you sniffle because you had known that would be his answer. he's nice and kind and everything you wanted your boy....ex-boyfriend to be.

"but i've also never broken up with anyone before," he shares quietly.

you wipe at the lone tear that finally escaped your eye, cringing when you see your makeup on his jacket.

"oh? but you've had a girlfriend before, right?"

when he doesn't answer, your eyes widen and you quickly correct yourself when you meet his gaze. "or boyfriend..."

a small smile crosses his face as he shakes his head. "it'd be girlfriend..." he says teasingly, "but no... i've never really dated anyone, officially. just flings and stuff."

"why?" you squeak out and his eyes flicker to you, roaming your face to see an avid curiosity in your wide, glossy eyes.

"i don't know," he says honestly and he wishes he had a better answer for you. "it's not like i haven't wanted one...i just never found the right person, i guess."

you can only hum thoughtfully, nodding as you take in this new bit of information. because how is it possible that he can't manage to find the right person?

"well who would that be then?"

when he looks up from your knees, he sees you looking down at him with your head back against the chain. and if was anyone else, he'd think they were asking coyly. like they were trying flirt or be tempting.

but he knows that's not the case, even if he wants it to be.

"someone good," he says after thinking about it for a second, "someone i can have fun with but also be serious with. just someone...genuine and sweet, who i know deserves the best."

"you just described yourself," you mumble and he can't help the laugh that bubbles out of him.

"yeah? i thought that kind of sounded like someone else here," he responds lowly, his deep voice causing your gaze to meet his. you bite your lip nervously at the eye contact and any other time it'd make you nervous and fidgety. but now, because you're in the state you're in, you can't look away.

and it's a state he knows you're in as well which is what causes him to look away and stand up, moving himself behind you until his hands meet the middle of your back. you jump in surprise, craning your neck back to look at him.

but before you can ask him what's happening, you start flying into the air. you let out a small squeal as you tighten your hold on the chains, his large hands pushing on your back as you swing.

"don't fall again!"

"well, a warning would've been nice!" you squeak before another uncontrollable laugh cuts you off.

"that's not as fun."

he continues to push you until you whine for him to sit down next to you, pumping your legs as you two fight to get higher. but when he leans his head back a few minutes later and catches a glimpse of the dark sky, he's halting and grabbing you to stop the swing.

"what're you doing, cheater! i was winning!"

"come with me."

he grabs your hand and leads you over to the jungle gym, guiding you up to the highest platform before craning his neck up.

"what're you doing?" you ask as you mimic him before a gasp cuts you off. because the exposed ceiling of the playground shows off the sky full of bright twinkling stars, the lack of light pollution from the bustling city allowing you to see just what you're robbed of every night.

"the stars!" you squeal, looking at him excitedly and he feels his chest constrict like it has every time that bright smile comes out. "they're so pretty."

"they are," he mumbles, watching you plop down on the cold floor and lay out to stargaze. he smiles softly before joining you, bending his legs so he fits on the platform. and just like on the rooftop, your arms press together but neither of you make any attempts to move them.

and then if your head somehow ends up grazing his shoulder, he only peaks down with a smile that matches your own.

4:10 a.m.

once the cold got too much, lips chapped and hands red, you both ran to the car and waited anxiously for the heat to crank up. there was a sense in the air that your time wasn't over yet, neither one of you mentioning going home or ending the night despite the early morning hours creeping around.

so it's why you ended up picking up food at a 24-hour conveience store, crumps of snacks and water bottles littering the floor of his car. why you're both just pulled over on the side of the empty highway, the occurence of another flashing pair of headlights rare.

"so what do you usually do on a friday night?" you chirp as your feet rest on the dashboard, "you know, when you're not accompanying a weepy dumpee?"

"don't call yourself that," he laughs out, "but usually just at one of my friends. we're a boring bunch so you've actually spiced up my night."

"now i know that's a lie," you quip, poking his arm lightly and the sound of his deep chuckle has your cheeks heating. he is cute.

"it's not," he assures turning his head to the side to throw you a wink. "and thank you."

your body freezes as a gasp leaves your mouth, snapping your head to look at him. he doesn't laugh because of how wide your eyes are, how shocked and horrified you look that you just said that aloud, but he really wants to.

"i...i didn't say- oh, my god."

"what's so bad about that? i blurted out that you were beautiful two hours into meeting," he says, embarassment laced in his tone.

your cheeks heat at the memory, a shy smile on your face as you look down to hide the bright blush. it's daring on his part, daring to reach out and lift your face, rub his thumb along the warm skin and smile softly as he does so.

"why are you hiding?"

"because you're crazy," you say lowly, quietly, and you're cursing the dinner and the way this sweet boy affects you for your low self-esteem ruining the car's atmosphere.

"fine, i'm crazy," he says, "but you're still bea-"

"i'm not," you interupt quietly, before he can say those words and warm your heart and make you wanna kiss him. because that would be a terrible idea. even though you want to, even though you've developed the fastest crush in history and it would be so easy to just scoot over a few inches, move your head in just a little and-

"why? because he broke up with you?"

you bite your lip at the reminder, roaming over his face that's unwavering and serious. dark eyes looking into yours, focused on nothing but you with his hand still on your cheek. you swallow the ball forming in your throat as he waits for you to answer.

"yes," you mumble, feeling your eyes gloss over before you move your face to look back out the window. he sighs next to you and you can feel his gaze on you, boring into you and the tightness in your throat is almost suffocating you.

"i'm sorry, y/n, but you have to know-"

"stop it," you mumble brokenly, "please stop."

"why," he says softly and he's surprised by himself for pushing you. but he can't help it, not as he watches your fleeting moments of happiness fade in and out the way they have all night, sees your eyes water and hands start to fidget.

there's only a tense silence in the car for the next few moments, your eyes out the window and his on you as he watches your fingers fold into each other.

"he didn't deserve you," he suddenly says and you look up with your eyebrows furrowed, a humorless laugh leaving your mouth.

"how could you say that, you don't even know him," you mumble, hating that you're sitting here and defending him. and for what? you already knew he was the worst.

"from the things you've told me. from what i saw and heard with my own ears," he tells you quietly. "i...he acted as if he wanted to be anywhere else but with you. and i just couldn't imagine why. because you seemed so... sweet and happy to be there with him."

you swallow nervously at his intense gaze and words, reaching out to fumble with the heat because it just got uncomfortably warm in here.

"why are you saying these things?" you ask suddenly, snapping your head up to look at him. "why are you still being so nice to me?"

he lets out a strangled sigh, his hard eyes looking you over and it makes something in you burn.

"i get it, you feel bad and wanted to play the knight in shining armor for a pathetic girl. but i can't take it, tonight. i can't take you...saying these things to me and not meaning it. just saying it out of pity."

"that wasn't why i did it," he's quick to say and there's something building in the air, a light buzzing as you become more snappy and he becomes more adament to prove himself to you. "and how do you know i don't mean it? i never felt pity for you."

"because it doesn't make any sense," you squeak out brokenly, "you're...you and i'm just some sad girl who can't keep her boyfriend interested enough to remember their fucking anniversary. can't keep her boyfriend happy enough to wanna stay with her and instead be dumped at-"

it's his large hand grabbing your jaw that starts it. halts your words and connects your gazes and has shaky, strangled breaths leaving your mouth. has him mumbling "stop it," through gritted teeth and you snarling a firm, "no."

and it could've been him bringing you forward or you pulling him closer but somehow, after a few beats of lingering gazes and breathy sighs, your lips connect.

at first neither of you even realized what happened, lips instinctually moving against one another and eyes shutting. his hand moves to your cheek and yours move to his shoulder, squeezing it lightly to ground yourself, make sure this is really happening because apparently the warm tingly feeling in your body isn't proof enough.

but it's what makes him rips himself away from you, chest heaving up and down from the adrenline of acting upon the feelings and actions he wanted to the moment he saw your smile on the rooftop.

"i'm sorry," he breaths out, eyes trained on the steering wheel, "i shouldn't have done that."

and if he thinks he shouldn't have done that, then you certainly don't think crawling over the console to straddle his lap would be the next appropriate move. but you do because it's like the second your lips met, you realized just how much you wanted and needed that.

his body freezes, back pressed right up against the black leather seat when watches you climb over. he looks down at you, dark eyes with a mix of agony and surprise and he's trying so hard to remain the nice, gentle boy he's been all night.

but then you bunch his shirt up between your hands, pull him down a few inches from your lips and mumble a plea to kiss you again against his mouth that has your lips crashing into one another again. his arms wrap around your waist hesitantly, your back arching when you feel how big his hands feel on your back, the warmth from his skin penetrating through your shirt. and it's all the encouragement he needs to tighten his hold around you, part his mouth and allow his tongue to sweep across your lips.

you stiffle a moan at the intrusion, meet his with yours as you slightly roll your hips on him. "y/n..." he groans against your lips but you only hum against them, body buzzing and the sound of heavy breathing fanning throughout the car only is only making you more willing to kiss him, to press yourself against his body and give yourself over to him.

but he quickly stops again, disconnecting your lips and squeezing your hips lightly. "wait..we shouldn't ...i don't wanna make you-"

"please," you say breathlessly, almost like a whine because your desire had been harboured by sadness but you now you don't even care. not with the feeling of him under you and the taste of him lingering on your lips and the way he's looking at you. "i want you."

"this isn't how how or why i wanted to distract you," he grunts out, "i swear i didn't-"

"yunho," you say, eyes boring into his and when he looks at you with wide, questioning eyes, you place a peck on his lips. "shut up."

and shut up he does when you bring his face down to yours, grinding his hips up into you at your eagerness and a tiny moan leaves your mouth at the feeling. because you feel the hint of a bulge and now arousal is just pounding through you.

your hands move to his hair, pulling and tugging and grinding against him and you hadn't realized how pent up sexually you were. and like the man under you has transformed into a new person, you just about faint when he disconnects your lips and mumbles against them, "he wasn't fucking you right, was he?"

your hazy, half-lidded gaze moves to him and you swallow at how different he looks. messy hair, red lips, dark eyes looking at you with such an intense, lustful gaze. and his voice, his deep and almost condescending tone causing wetness to pool between your legs.

"no," you whine out frustratedly.

"i can tell," he mutters teasingly and the way he says it makes your stomach flutter. his lips trail against your neck, kissing down and down as you lean your head back and bite your lips to suppress a moan.

"i'm gonna make you feel good, make you moan my name and come on my tongue and then fuck you right," he says pulling away from your neck to make you look at him, "is that good, baby? is that what you want?"

his dick twitches when he sees your roused hair and flushed face, eyes glossy and lips abused from his kiss and your teeth.

"hm?" he mutters again when you can only stare at him as your chest heaves.

"yes," you moan out and you can't believe how quickly you've fallen so needy and wet, "please."

"yes what?" he growls, "say my name."

"yunho. yes, yunho, please."

he lays you down on the seat, sliding it all the way back until he has just enough leg room to crouch down by the floor. he snakes his hands up your legs and thighs slowly, rubbing along your core and smiling when you thrash and twitch on the seat.

"are you gonna be wet for me, baby? i hope that's what i'm gonna see."

"yes, yunho," you repeat and he sharply inhales at how quickly you've learned to listen, how eager you are to respond and how you're already widening your legs.

"you're such a good girl, you know that?" he hums, undoing your pants with his fingers and you make sure to crane your neck to watch him. and it doesn't get lost on him either, smirking as his tugs your pants down to mid-thigh and you moan in response. your eyes roll back when you see his long finger trail against your wet lace thong and he has to surpress the growl in his throat.

"look at these," he hums moving them to the side just a little to graze your wetness and licks his lips when he feels his fingers get slick with your arousal.

"you," you gasp out, desperate for his touch or his tongue or just to feel him do anything but teasingly have his finger on you. "for you."

"yeah?" he mumbles, slowly moving around your dripping slit and you swallow down a loud moan. "you know. i wanted to kiss you all night," he hums, sliding your soaked thong down slowly and kissing in your inner thigh, "but i didn't think i'd get this lucky."

and with that, his hair grazes your stomach as he dips his head and places his tongue on your clit, lapping over it before trailing down to lick and taste more of you.

"holy shit," you gasp out and it only causes his tongue's assault to build frantically, sucking and licking and moaning against your wetness as he mumbles how good you taste. your hand moves to his hair, pulling and twisting the strands of hair and then gripping it harshly when you feel his finger slide into you.

"yunho," you screech out and you catch his eyes looking up at you, the image of him right between your legs, his mouth grazes over your burning core causing your own to roll back.

"look at me."

his deep voice commands it with such deep authority, so different than his sweet soft-spoken words, that you roll your head back to look at him with hazy eyes.

"i want you to watch me. watch me eat and finger this tight little pussy until you're screaming my name," he growls, bringing his other hand up to squeeze your bare thigh. "understand? i want you to watch me."

you nod your head frantically and you think you would've agreed to anything just for his tongue to go back on you and his finger to start pounding into you. and when it does, when he finally starts again between your legs, you bite your lips so your eyes don't roll back again.

because his tongue lapping over your clit, his long finger pounding up into you as looks right at you is quickly becoming too much. you can't ever remember a time oral felt like this, felt so consuming and had you making the sorts of moans and whines vibrating throughout the car.

"oh my god," you whine lowly, rolling your hips over his face but it only causes the hand not in your pussy to pin you down by your hips.

"hey," he warns lowly, his wet lips retracting from between your legs, "you've been so good for me, baby. what happened?"

"i'm sorry," you whine, "it just feels so-" his tongue laps at your clit teasingly and you screech "good, feels so good," when he sucks it into his hot mouth.

"i think i need to sit you on my cock," he says and the pride that floods through him when you clench around his finger is all consuming. "what do you think?"

"yes, yunho," you say, trying to remember how he likes you good, "please, i wanna sit on your cock." and it pays off because one second your laid out on your back, the next your pants are at your ankles and he's flipped you guys so you're straddling him again.

you feel his hardness under you, peaking down and your eyes widening when you see his sheer size. "whoa..."

your cheeks flush when you hear his deep chuckle, his hand running through your sweaty hair as he lifts your head.

"i'll be gentle."

but in a bold move, you spit on your hand and jerk his cock causing him to sputter in the seat below you. "i hope not," you mutter, eyes teasing and voice low and he squints his eyes at you.

"oh no?" he hums, "then sit."

thighs wet from the arousal dripping out of you, you swirl the tip around your slit teasingly and throw your heard back with a moan. and it's the only reason he humors it, because the way you look with your head thrown back, chest heaving and mouth hung open, is enough to make his already throbbing cock ache for you even more.

you move it to your clit, pressing him into it and grinding as a whiney cry leaves your lips. "oh my god," you squeak, your eyes shooting to his and you connect your lips again. he meets your kiss with the same fervor, taking his cock from your hold and lining it up with your entrance.

"i need to fuck you now," he growls, "please, baby."

"yes," you mumble against his lips, groaning out against him when you feel him enter you and stretch your walls. you both let out breathy moans when he fully enters, him because "you're so fucking tight" and you because "you're so big, yunho," and it's all the motivation you need to start grinding your hips onto him.

his hands dig into your hips, urging you on with coos of pet names and expletives that have you grinding and bouncing and moaning out. and if anyone were hitch hiking on the side of the road right now, it wouldn't take an expert to know just what was going on inside.

because both your deep moans and grunts are echoing throughout the car. your heavy breathing and sighs have fogged up the windows of the shaking car from your rolling and grinding and his thrusting to find that spot within you.

the spot he finds only a few minutes later that has you falling forward into the crook of his neck, bouncing your wet heat on him because you hear his strangled breathing and loud grunts until the familiar hot feeling of him releasing inside you has moans ripping out of your chests in unison.

it takes a while for your breathing to turn even, for your shaking legs to simmer and the ringing in his ears to stop. but when it does, he kisses the top of your head still buried in the crook of his neck and gently places you in the seat next to him.

he fumbles with the glove compartment and takes out a wipe, gently dabbing between your legs as you lay your head back on the leather seat.

"you okay?" he quietly laughs out seeing you still in a post-orgasm daze.

"i'm....good, great," you say, a laugh bubbling out of you before shyly thanking him for cleaning you. because even in the car, directly after an intense sex-crazed adrenaline rush, he still remembers aftercare. and you think if it was possible to fall in love with someone in a night, with a heart as fragile as yours, he'd be the person to make it happen.

"me too," he says quietly, throwing the wipe in the empty plastic bag before he looks over your face. "i...that was uh great, really great."

his face burns when you turn away to laugh into your shoulder, his deep of groan of "stop!" only making you giggle more. and like it wasn't the cause of what just happened in the first place, you mumble again that he's cute.

"also," you say, when your laugh and his red cheeks subside, "it'd probably be a good time to mention i'm on the pill."

6:49 a.m.

you're half asleep in the front seat of yunho's car, the familiar sounds of horns honking and the bustling city keeping you from falling into a full slumber. he had asked on the way back if he could bring you to one more place before you called it a night (even though the birds were chirping and sun was rising). and who were you to say no when he had smiled and asked so softly.

you pop your eyes open, hands under your cheek as you watch him silently bob his head to the soft music. he's at a red light, one hand atop the steering wheel as he looks over to see you staring.

"hey sleepy," he says, reaching out to fix your slightly messy hair. "i'm sorry, i know you're tired but we're almost there."

"s'okay," you mumble, meeting his soft eyes with a smile, "i don't wanna leave you yet anyway."

"oh no?" he hums softly and his heart tightens when you sees a shy blush cross your face.

"i didn't mean to say that," you sigh out sleepily and his small chuckle rings through the car.

"i was hoping you did," he says, hand moving from your head to pink cheek, "because i don't wanna leave you yet either."

the sound of a honk promptly ruins the moment, yunho's eyes moving to squint into the mirror before he drives off. you giggle as you shut your eyes again, burrowing yourself further into the leather.

he shakes you awake a few moments later, his hand on your shoulder as he looks down at with you soft brown eyes.

"we're here."

"where?" you mumble, sitting up and peaking out the window to see a small bakery.

"let me show you."

he gets out and meets you around the passenger side door, opening it for you and extending his hand out to you; you take it without a second thought and he smiles as he intertwines your fingers.

you walk up to the bakery door, the fresh smell of baked bread wafting through the empty store. the faint welcome from the worker is drowned out as your eyes peer over the shelves, bread and cookies and cakes lined up behind the streak-free glass.

you look up at him curiously when he leads you over to the cakes, tightening his hold on your hand when you guys stop in front of the display.

"pick anything you want."

you cock your head to the side before your eyes roam over the selection, squinting your eyes to read the script in front of every pastry when a tiny gasp escapes your lips.

"is that a-"

"tiramisu cheesecake," he confirms, "i heard it's really good here."

you stare at the glass as your heart tightens in your chest and you can't believe you have any tears left to sting behind your eyes today. but you don't wanna cry, even if they're happy tears, so it's why you lean your head against his arm and press your lips into a firm line.

"and i don't know if it's as good as that one," he says lowly, "but i figured it could hold you over until we....until you go back."

you lift your head to stare at him and he pouts upon seeing the one on your face. but before he can ask what's wrong or if he overstepped, your arm is wrapped around his body as you press your head into his chest.

"thank you," you choke out, "i....thank you." because if you try to say anymore, your hope that not even happy tears escape your eyes will be gone to shit.

and it's like he knows that. so he presses his lips to the top of your head and asks for a slice, your body still attached to his when he pays and ushers you out to the car.

and that's where you tell him you're so thankful for this cake but you also wanna enjoy the other one too. and at first he doesn't understand, his eyebrows furrowed together as he nods his head hesitantly.

"so i was thinking....maybe not this week, so i don't show up with a new boy right away...but next week, maybe we can go to-"

"yes," he blurts out and a big smile makes its way on your face when you see he can barely hold back his excitement. and he doesn't even care too.

because as he takes you home, you excitedly talk it over and exchange numbers. and he's quick to tell you you can start out as friends first, that he doesn't expect anything from you and will take this new found relationship at whatever pace you decide to set.

but you hope the smirk you throw his way shows him that you know within a few weeks time, you'll completely forget about the boy who made you so upset and dropped you into his lap, now filling you with such an excited, hopeful feeling even in your sleep deprived state.

you direct him to your apartment building and you thank him again for the night, sweet smiles and lingering gazes as you both delay separating.

but because that time has come, you gather your cake and open the door after teasing him that he better not get out and do it for you.

"so, i'll see you next week?" you ask quietly, a small shy smile on your face.

"next week," he says, watching you with a smile and light heart as you barrel up your apartment stairs and he gives himself two hours before his fingers start itching to text you.

#yunho #yunho smut #yunho angst #yunho fluff #ateez #ateez yunho #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez angst #yunho moodboard

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englandsgray · 4 years

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Sherlolly Self-Interviews 2020

Well hi 👋

Ignoring the internal image of Gilderoy Lockheart smiling smugly while flashbulbs pop and saying ‘In my autobiography, Magical Me...’ 🙈😆 I shall take the opportunity of this lovely event to introduce myself as a writer of Sherlolly fanfiction on AO3...

I am English and somewhere over 30. I watched the show as it aired, and lost my heart as quickly to Molly Hooper as to Sherlock Holmes. The kiss is British television history. Series 4 is my favourite. Moriarty on the beach is life. The Holmes brothers break my heart every time.

I am extremely lucky to have been provided some questions to answer here by @ohaine and @mybrainrots - huge, huge love and thanks to these two lovelies, and not just for this. I admire you both so much as writers, and your support means the world to me ❤️ Thanks too, to @sherlollyappreciationweek!

Where did you begin to write, and have you written for other fandoms? I wrote my first fanfic when I was eleven years old - a 100 page ramble about The Monkees. Oh yes. Then in 2018, I fell for the characters of the Disney Pixar film Cars and began writing and publishing. So far so random! Writing in this fandom sprang from binge-watching all four series of Sherlock during lockdown. I remembered reading Louise Brealey talking about being disappointed Molly didn’t get chance to ‘roundly kick Sherlock’s arse’ and agreeing with her wholeheartedly. That, over a few weeks, turned into my first fic - Who You Really Are.

You’re a recent (and welcome!) arrival to the Sherlolly ship, and I was wondering if writing in an established, less active than it used to be fandom has been a challenge? Thank you, firstly. My experience of this fandom has been incredibly positive - the sense of welcome has been wonderful. I will admit I was terrified posting the first fic - there are hundreds of times more stories posted daily in the Sherlock fandom as in the one I had some experience of. But I needn’t have worried, it’s been a blast. I will also admit, that it’s no small thing to be surrounded by such brilliant writing and the long-standing passion which goes with it. But I find that inspiring in itself, and I’m very glad to be here - how supportive the fandom are makes me feel like I always have been!

What’s your favourite place and way to write? My aesthetic is Lin-Manuel Miranda in his in-law’s laundry room 🤣 I wrote my first ten-thousand words on the notes app on my phone before my other half told me to stop being ridiculous! I switch between the laptop, my phone and longhand (I’m a sucker for a nice notepad and a Uni-Ball Eye) and, more often than not, not sat up properly at a table.

Since you’ve (done something I’ve never managed successfully and) written a novella length fic... how did you organise/keep track of all the details and where you wanted the story to go? Did you outline/plot in advance? First of all - I would love to see a novella length fic from you @mybrainrots! The final scene of Who You Really Are came to me very early on and I knew I wanted the fic to fit within TFP - a lot of it takes place in the timeframe of the final montage. At first, it was going to be much more about Sherlock’s relationship with the ideas of sentiment and love (the phrase ‘I’m not sentimental about you, I love you,’ haunted me for a while) and I spent some time researching the psychology and playing with scenes from throughout the series - one of my favourites I didn’t go on to use was inspired by the final scene of THoB. Using scenes from the canon gave an automatic structure, and I was always aiming for the final one I wrote early on - the two of them on the beach (everything is about the beach, with me!) As I went along and started, inevitably, to slow down, I mapped out the chapters with a short note of what I wanted to be in each, then would add notes or phrases as they came to me - often emailed from my phone! I had to force myself through a tricky section set in Baker Street at one point, but it came together in the end. I did plot The Pathologist’s Skeletons on paper first, as I found with a casefic which remains a WIP, that I can get confused and lose focus when it comes to details and how to reveal them in a way which stays paced and interesting. I’ll certainly do that from now on with longer stories and cases. How did you keep up enthusiasm for the work? I want to write an original novel, so I am forcing myself to work through the knotty bits and blocks as a learning experience. Not everything is destined to be finished or finessed, of course, but I’m finding this process is building my confidence that I can overcome problems and slow periods. I also find I know when I need some external inspiration - some of my favourite scenes have come to me while out walking the dog or sitting on the beach. I’ve also been inspired by books or other series or things going on in the world, as we all are, and sometimes that’s pushed me on. Plus, of course, I’m a newbie - I’m very much in the honeymoon period of my writing, even though I’ve loved Sherlock for ten years! (Ten years! Bonkers.)

You’ve got a knack for writing Sherlock’s thoughts and capturing his voice. That said, which character do you find easiest to write? Which is the hardest? Thank you so much. I absolutely love writing Sherlock and Mycroft, and I’m sure that’s because they suit my somewhat over-the-top writing style! I find Molly and her POV really difficult. I want the scenes I write from her perspective to sound completely different to Sherlock, but that means writing in a style which doesn’t come as naturally to me. I’m a long way off happy with that at the moment, but I’m enjoying the challenge.

Is there a scene or character that specifically inspired you to start writing Sherlolly? The whole of TFP, but especially from the moment Sherlock arrives at Musgrave onwards. I am desperate to see what a Sherlock Holmes who has been reacquainted with his own heart would look like. I find his emotionality in those final scenes hugely compelling (Mycroft’s office is one of my favourite moments from across all four series) and, as I have always believed in him and Molly, I practically jumped up back in May after watching it and said ‘right, where’s my notebook?!’.

There’s a lovely peaceful, quiet feeling to your fic ‘We’re All Right At The Moment’. Can you tell us what inspired it and if you’ve thought of doing the backstory that goes with it? Thank you! Like everyone, I would go back to January of this year and start again in a heartbeat, but I am hugely fortunate to be able to say that I have a lot to be grateful to the UK lockdowns for. I might never have begun writing in this fandom otherwise, for one, and I have had a brilliant time so far and met some lovely people. Honestly, I don’t feel able to do any sort of justice in my writing to what has happened in the world in any broader sense than drawing on my own experiences of staying at home and enjoying my family. This particular super-short fic sees Molly cutting Sherlock’s hair at home in Baker Street. I wrote it in the evening after I had cut my other half’s hair and had been reminding myself that despite how horribly worried I was - and still am - about everything, we were all right in that moment, and to focus on that as much as possible. I wanted to try to capture that, if for no reason other than to look back on this entire experience and remember something lovely, so I am so pleased to hear you felt the fic did that. It was only after I finished it and reread it, that I realised it is ambiguous as to whether Molly is worried about Sherlock contracting the virus, or whether she is remembering him being treated for it... As I say, I don’t think I could write more about these extraordinary circumstances - perhaps it’s just too close at the moment - so I don’t plan on extending it. But you know how it is, the plot bunnies hop where they will...

Do you have a Sherlolly music playlist? What are your top five favs from the list? Here’s a run down of (6 🙊) songs I have been getting emotional over in the last little while, leading my brain to assign their significance to my favourite couple...

Kissing You - Des’Ree - It’s so 90′s, it’s a bit cheesy, it’s oddly disturbing. It helped me write A Request, Made Properly, and that gave me an excuse to have Sherlock kiss Molly in the snow.

How Long Will I Love You? - Ellie Goulding - part of the playlist, but also in remembrance of a friend who passed away recently. Life is very short, love is forever.

High and Dry - Jamie Cullum - It’s made me emotional for a very long time. The original is my partner’s version of choice, this is mine.

Think About You - Delta Goodrem - Okay, this one isn’t emotional, and it’s not my usual vibe! Blame the zoom exercise class I do! But oh my goodness, it’s Molly. Bless her.

Blinded By Your Grace (P.T.2. F.T. MNEK) - Stormzy - One of the best ever, I reckon. Spent an awful lot of time thinking about angels and demons, grace and what it takes to save someone, while writing my latest - The Pathologist’s Skeletons. This has been in my head most of the (blimmin’) time!

Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding - I didn’t know I was a fan of Ellie until I wrote this list... I don’t subscribe to the theory that the love Molly wants or that which Sherlock has to offer is any lesser because it isn’t ‘normal’ or expected. I don’t think romantic entanglement would come easy to either of them. But it’s still love and it would be beautiful.

Thank you so much for reading. Thanks and love to @ohaine and @mybrainrots. And thank you @sherlollyappreciationweek for the event and for everything you do ❤️

Feel like I should sign off with a quote from the show...

“You’re not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. You’re a drama queen!” Dr John Watson (Moffat & Gatiss) 2014 😜

A fav fic of mine by @mybrainrots

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7563193

A fav fic of mine by @ohaine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10562904

My stuff:

https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnglandsGray/works

#sherlolly #sherlollyselfinterview20 #sherlock #sherlockbbc #writing #fanfic #ao3 #ao3 author #read on ao3

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stina-is-a-punk-rocker · 4 years

Text

madeline miller’s ‘the song of achilles’

Achilles Lamenting the Death of Patroclus (1855) by Nikolai Ge

What I loved about The Song of Achilles: this and this and this.

My interest in classics began circa 2005, with Disney’s animated series based off of their rendition of Hercules. Fast forward to several years later, to when I stumbled across one of my grandad’s books; several of my rose-tinted childhood memories would be tainted by the knowledge that the actual Heracles had very little in common with Disney’s adaptation of him.

The historical period that I was really invested in for most of my preteen and early teenage years were the Dark Ages, and Medieval Europe in general; so my Greek mythology phase was short-lived, and my knowledge of it is… well, I know Dionysus fucked himself with a wooden dildo to fulfil a promise he made, and that he’s perhaps the only decent bloke up there on Olympus (I’d tell Zeus to go fuck himself but he’d probably go through with it), and also that Dionysus is BTS’s best song since Boy Meets Evil, and that Stray Kids did a bangin’ cover of it late last year.

In other words: vague and superficial.

But I know enough to tell you that Madeline Miller’s The Song of Achilles is one of the best books I’ve ever read, hands down.

The story of Achilles and Patroclus and the Trojan War is pretty common knowledge, I’ll warrant, but just in case: SPOILERS AHEAD.

Retelling a story almost everyone knows isn’t easy; you’ve got the plot down and how to get there, but you’ve got to write it in a way that doesn’t read like a middle school book report you scrapped together a night before the assignment was due (… not that I know what that’s like, haha). And Miller does an excellent job of it; her diction? Brilliant. Her prose? Incredible. Her characterizations? Completely not ever been done before.

The Song of Achilles is told in Patroclus’s first-person point of view; most of it is about his early years with Achilles; Patroclus’s banishment to Phthia, meeting Achilles, befriending Achilles, and then both of them being tutored by Chiron (a far cry from Disney’s funny little goat man). The Trojan War takes up less of the book than I thought it would, at first (which, of course, I’m infinitely grateful for- since we all know how THAT ends) (#RIP).

Which brings me to one of the biggest questions I had up to the last few chapters before the end of the book: how will the story go on after Patroclus dies, since it’s in the first person? (The first-person POV threw me off at first; it’s been a while outside of contemporary YA that I’ve read anything in that POV, and it was a bit jarring- but the further I read, I realized that it was the best option for the book; it gave the story a depth, a level of emotion you couldn’t’ve achieved in the third person.)

And call me a masochist, but Patroclus’s death and the aftermath ended up being my favorite parts of the book. I’ve read stories that have given me actual, physical pain (one of my top two Harry Potter ships is Wolfstar, go figure), but this is the first time I’ve actually read something that made me cry (despite the numerous Ao3 comments I’ve left that are variants of ‘omg I’m crying’). Like, actual, physical tears welling up in my eyes.

There’s this particular scene, in the ninth chapter, where Chiron is telling Patroclus and Achilles about Heracles, and how he, unlike Disney’s well-intentioned, bumbling himbo, goes insane and kills his family. Achilles, my sweet summer child, is quite reasonably agitated by this; how it was unfair, how Heracles’ wife and children paid for the gods’ tiff with Heracles with their own lives. And Chiron says:

“… Perhaps it is he greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.”

Go ahead, Miller; twist the goddamn knife. It’s not like I needed my heart, anyway.

Also, unrelated, but I find it interesting how countries that are continents apart end up having quite similar legends. My roots are from an entirely different continent than Greece, but we have a folktale quite similar to the legend of Aesclepius.

But I digress.

Character-wise: Achilles; half-mortal, hero of the Trojan war, the greatest warrior among men. And despite his demigod status, he remains so human. And this might be controversial, but… he comes off a lot more fleshed-out than Patroclus himself. Which is perhaps my sole gripe with this book.

Patroclus is… well, he exists. He’s the son his father never wanted. He kills a boy. Falls in love with Achilles. Spends a concerning amount of time describing Achilles’ feet.

Honestly, up until the chapters in Troy, he doesn’t have much of a personality. And maybe it’s because Miller wanted to remain as true to the Iliad and Odyssey, and, if my memory serves me correct, neither of them give a lot to Patroclus in the way of character development; but still, he comes off a bit- bland. Of course, towards the end, his character gets a bigger role than ‘loves Achilles’; especially seen in how he defies Achilles to spare Briseis, and then dons the armor and subsequently gets himself killed (#ApolloIsOverParty), but up till then, he’s pretty meh.

Briseis is another one of my favorite characters; it was a bit difficult for me to divorce my perception of her from Emily Hauser’s For the Most Beautiful. Her friendship with Patroclus (and, by extension, Achilles; even if he did screw her over afterwards) was perhaps the only good to come out of the war.

And then we have the obligatory: fuck Thetis and FUCK Agamemnon (thank you, Clytemnestra).

Achilles and Patroclus’ love was wonderfully written, and I love how them being queer wasn’t the central focus of the story (admittedly, the ancient Greeks were markedly more casual about homosexuality than the bible-belt world we live in today). A lot of the (non-fanfiction) queer lit I’ve read tends to make everything revolve around, “bUt I aM bOy,,, aNd I LiKe bOy,,, bUT hOW???”, and homophobia is the biggest obstacle to their relationship. And those stories are realistic and need to be told- but we need literature with more variety.

My final verdict: a work of art. I’m going to read Circe and Galatea.

#achilles #patroclus #the song of achilles #madeline miller #greek poetry #iliad #homer's iliad #odysseus #homer's odyssey #odyssey #lgbt #LGBT literature #lgbt fiction #lgbtq #book review #historical fiction #greek myth #greek myth retellings

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haysianrose · 4 years

Video

youtube

Kelly Marie Tran, Don Hall, Carlos López Estrada, Qui Nguyen, Adele Lim and Osnat Shurer speak to Mashable Southeast Asia’s Danial Martinus on Raya and the Last Dragon.

Danial: I think one of the biggest questions on everyone’s mind is, how does it feel to be Disney’s first-ever badass Southeast Asian warrior princess?

Kelly: Oh my gosh, thank you for putting it that way. Yeah, she is badass! [laughs] It feels incredible. I do not take it lightly that we are making a movie that’s sort of breaking barriers. And I hope that when people see this movie, they’re able to see themselves reflected in a way that they may not have been able to see before. It means the world to me and I am so grateful to be part of this magical, miraculous experience.

Danial: Even though the film is set in Kumandra, which as we all know is a fictional Southeast Asian land, I can’t help but feel a sense of familiarity with it. Why look to Southeast Asia in the first place, and why now?

Don: So the decision to really look into the varied cultures of Southeast Asia as inspiration for our film happened, you know, about five or six years ago, well before we came in on the film. I think a lot of it was about, you know, in terms of just cinema, it’s a very underrepresented place of the world. And not only that, but there were, you know, trips taken by some of the filmmakers and filmmaking teams early on and just fell in love with the region.

Qui: It’s also just a great area in the world, you know. Not just the architecture, and the foods and things. Like when you’re doing a big action adventure movie, one of the most fun things to highlight is obviously the martial arts from the region. You know, a Disney movie that has a, you know, warrior princess as its lead doing pencak silat and muay thai and arnis and traditional Vietnamese wrestling, that’s a very special thing that you just don’t see every day. And that was something that was very exciting to put on screen.

Carlos: Even though the story went through a lot of transformations, from the very beginning, at its core, it was about people from different backgrounds coming together and learning how to trust one another, learning how to work with each other. So we knew that Kumandra needed to show great diversity, great richness and an indifference in all these cultures within the world. Because even though there is very distinct sort of like personalities and flavors and essences to each of these countries, they sort of like exist in this little microcosm. For all of these reasons, it was really sort of like the very, very perfect place to draw these inspirations from.

Danial: I heard that everyone traveled through Southeast Asia to do some research and garner inspiration. What was that like? Which countries did you travel to and which one was your favorite? Like, which one did you enjoy the most?

Adele and Osnat: [laughs]

Adele: Osnat, the correct answer is Malaysia!

Osnat: Malaysia! I know, I know. We learned so much in each place, it was different. The beauty was everywhere. The gorgeous food was everywhere. It was just a question of connecting with people.

Danial: What influenced the idea to make trust a key element or a kind of backbone to the story?

Osnat: These movies are incredibly personal. So we spent a lot of time really thinking about what it is we wanted to say and we knew that what we were all drawn to talking about is how in a divided world, in a divisive world, we all need to come together for the greater good. But it wasn’t till later that we found the focus point of what that is. When Don and Qui and Carlos joined us, we honed in on trust. We realized that for us, the more we thought about it, the key to being willing to work together, despite our differences or even because of our differences, is trust.

Danial: Which scene was your favorite to write?

Adele: Oh my gosh. Like, it’s so funny. I feel like we’ve written this movie about eight times over because that’s how many times you put it up. But I do think my favorite scenes are with young Raya and her father. For a lot of us, you know, the dreams of our parents become our dreams when we are young, and then as we grow up, especially when we’re in an imperfect world, a world that’s broken, we can get disillusioned, we can get very bitter. And we, you know, hopefully get back to the point where we can rediscover those dreams and feel like this is something worth fighting for. And you’re sort of carrying on that, you know, that tradition, that heritage that we have. So that was very special for me.

Danial: Being of Southeast Asian descent yourself, how important would you say this project was for you? Both in a professional and personal capacity?

Qui: Well, on a professional capacity, obviously it’s huge. Like, there’s nothing bigger than making a Disney movie, right? You know, when you make a Disney film, you know it’s going to impact, you know, pop culture globally. But then, personally, like, my kids don’t often get to see themselves on screen ever. They never get to be the hero. They’ll always have Raya as a hero that they can look towards and go, “Hey, she had agency to be the lead character.” And that is something that, I think, you know, as a person who grew up in America, I didn’t get to see a lot of that. And to be able to know that my kids will now never have to feel that, that is a very major thing for me, to know that they now have this forever is a real, real dream come true.

Danial: In a sense, it’s kind of historical, because people further down the line that watch the film, they’ll associate your name with the first ever Southeast Asian princess, right?

Kelly: [laughs]

Danial: So with that in mind, like, what of pressure did you feel when you were cast?

Kelly: I felt responsibility, obviously. Because anytime you’re doing something that feels like it’s never happened before, you feel that sense of both honor and responsibility. That being said, I hope that this is the first of many times that we will see stories about this part of the world.

Danial: If you could only pick one, what important takeaway do you want people to learn from Raya and the Last Dragon?

Osnat: Our chance to make this world a better place than we found it, when we came in to it, is to come together with our differences, embracing our differences and actually trust each other. And it’s not easy. And it happens. You have to try again and again and again. And take steps that are very scary and make you feel vulnerable, but it’s worth it because when we come together, we can work magic.

Danial: And which would you say is the most important scene in the film?

Kelly: I think the most important scene is the scene where Raya takes the first step. I think that it’s so important to see characters who in the beginning of the movie don’t trust each other and are from different parts of this land, and to see them at the end not only trust each other, but to be able to put away any sort of instincts about self-preservation in order to work towards the idea of a world that’s better than the one they’re living in. I think that is a message that I hope people take away with them and the message that I want to take away from this experience.

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severetimetravelnerd · 4 years

Text

Uncomfortable (MINO ft. Zico)

Hey guys! So this is my first scenario. It’s around 4k words, and it’s angsty and fluffy, cause the feels for this duo hit me hard, so prepare yourself. I hope you enjoy it!!

all credit for images goes to original owners. I do not own any of the images used.

You liked Jiho. You knew you liked him, but you knew he would never like you back. At least, not the way you did, and you were okay with it. You thought that as long you were friends with him, it’s okay. You did your very best to hide your feelings, because you knew that your friendship with him meant too much to you for you to risk it over feelings. He was always there for you. It wasn’t all one-sided though. You were always there for him. When he fought with his friends, or he fought with his girlfriend, you were the one helping him. You were the only one who had seen him bawl his eyes out at 3 am and you were the only one who would silently sit and pat his back while he did. You guys had each other’s backs. At least that’s what you thought.

You were actually Mino’s friend before you were Jiho’s friend. You and Minho go way back. You were Minho’s best friend, which is how you met Jiho. Mino introduced you to him. Minho was also the only person who knew about your feelings for the infamous Zico. Minho was the one you went to went listening to Jiho talking about his love life got too hard, or when the jealousy got too much. Minho also kept telling you to get over him, but it’s never that easy.

One night, you were at Minho’s place, doing a Disney marathon that he insisted on because you had never really watched any Disney movies as a child, (he was right. Why do Disney movies have to be so good?!), when Jiho called you. You were just about to start watching Moana when the phone rang. Your phone was with Minho, and he took one look at the phone, jokingly rolled his eyes and said,” oh god. Just ignore his call, y/n. Moana’s more important!” while handing you your phone. You looked down at your phone and smiled at the picture of him for a second before answering.” Heyy. What’s up with the midnight call? Everything okay?” You thought you could hear the smile in his voice when he replied saying,” Yeah yeah, don’t worry. Everything’s fine, but I need your help getting home. I’m out clubbing. I thought I wouldn’t drink, but I did and now I can’t drive myself home. Can you come pick me up? It’s close to your place.” You didn’t even bother telling him you were at Minho’s place and it would take you more time. You simply said,” sure. Text me the address.”

You were gathering your wallet, phone and other stuff and explaining things to Minho at the same time. He sighed, gathered his things and said,” Why can’t he just take a cab like a normal person? Why couldn’t you just say you’re at my place? Geez..” Sheepishly, you said,” Mino-ya, it’s not that easy!” He just smiled, ruffled your hair and said,” I know, which is why I’m coming with you! I can’t let my best friend do this alone.” You were suddenly overwhelmingly grateful for Minho, and you hugged him and mumbled, “thank you” into his sleeve.

You and Minho were near the club, and Minho had texted Jiho to come out and wait, mainly because the two of you were in sweats and no self-respecting club would let you guys in. You could see him on the sidewalk, and you rolled down the window to call him. You tried yelling his name out a couple of times, but he didn’t hear you, which you finally realised was because he was on the phone. As you got closer to him, you could hear what he was saying and after that, you sincerely wished that you had never heard him.

Jiho, on the other hand, was looking up at the sky and laughing his ass off. “Ahh hyung, don’t scare me like that. You and I both know I would never date y/n. I just keep talking to her because I feel bad for her. I know I’m single and all, but I can’t stand the thought of dating her. As it is, she made it really obvious that she likes me. She’s so clingy it makes me uncomfortable. My friends make so much fun of me because of her.” He paused for a while, and then said,” oh no, I can’t talk to her about it. She’s Minho’s friend. Things would get messy if I hurt her feelings. Anyway, I gotta go now Hyung. She’ll be here to pick me up any moment now.”

You had heard every word of what Jiho said, and more than him not liking you back, it was the fact that he never once thought of you as a friend that hurt you. You couldn’t process that he knew that you liked him, and he still chose to call you when he was drunk, knowing he’d only be giving you false hope. He was only talking to you because of Minho. You made him uncomfortable, and he pitied you, but he still took advantage of you and called you to help him knowing you wouldn’t say no. That realisation made your blood boil. You were furious, not only with him but also with yourself, because you had let him fool you, pity you and betray you. You were also incredibly hurt, because you trusted him and poured your heart out to him, not knowing that he was laughing at you the whole time. You were also sad, because you fell for the nice, kind, caring and sweet Jiho, not an asshole with no sense of consideration for someone else’s feelings. This was all too much for you to take in. The influx of emotions just made you shut down. You could neither hear nor say anything.

You were also the only one in the car who heard Jiho’s conversation. Minho had no clue what happened. You stayed frozen in the driver’s seat when Minho got out and called Jiho. You just continued driving home while Minho and Jiho talked. When you finally got close to Jiho’s house, Jiho asked the both of you to come in for some drinks. You were too much in shock to say anything, but luckily for you, Minho decided to be clingy, and said,” Nope. No way. You made us interrupt a movie marathon. We have to get back to it. Now you go get lost and don’t drink too much.” Jiho laughed and left. As you drove off, Minho put his hand on your shoulder and asked,” Y/n, are you okay? You didn’t really say much in the car.” And then, you cracked. Immediately, you pulled over, looked ahead in shock, and said,” Minho, can you drive?” He looked very confused, but he decided not to question you about it, and silently switched seats. Minho knew you were crying as you were looking out of the window, and that something had upset you, but he also knew you needed your space to cry. He knew you’d tell him when you felt like talking about it.

The two of you got to Minho’s place, and you absolutely did not want to be left alone with your thoughts. He was in the process of switching off the tv, when you went and hugged him, and asked him if you could stay the night. He didn’t even bat an eyelid and said, “If you think I’m going to let you be alone right now, you’re dumber than I thought.” And for the rest of the night, Minho just hugged you and let you cry it all out, never once stopping to question you. When you were finally exhausted from crying, he ran his fingers through your hair, because he knew that it was the best way to calm you down, until you fell asleep. As he held a sleeping you in his arms, he cursed Jiho for making you cry and held you a little tighter.

When you woke up the next morning, you realised both you and Minho fell asleep like that. You quietly wriggled out of his arms and checked your phone, only to find a text from Jiho asking whether you wanted to get hangover soup with him. You scoffed and threw your phone to the side, deciding at that very moment that you were done, and you were cutting him out of your life. You started making breakfast, but you were kind of clumsy, so you ended up waking Minho up. He slowly made his way to the kitchen, bed head and all, and you looked up to see a puffy faced, sleepy Minho, and sleepy Minho is clingy. He came and gave you a back hug as you handed him his tea, and looking at him, you smiled to yourself, thanking the world for Minho’s existence.

After the both of you had your tea, you slowly explained what happened the previous night. Minho waited till you were done explaining everything that you heard, and although you could tell he was furious, he waited and asked you what you wanted to do. You then told him that you wanted to cut Jiho out of your life, and although Minho wanted nothing more than to beat the crap out of Jiho for treating you that way, he knew that it was your decision to make, and whatever decision you made, he would respect that.

You and Minho then sat and blocked Jiho of every form of social media. You assumed that since he felt uncomfortable around you, he would be only too happy at what happened and would never contact you again. You tried to tell yourself you deserved better, but every time you thought of him, a series of conflicted emotions took over you. You missed spending time with him, but you also hated everything about how he treated you. It was very rough on you, and over the next few weeks, Minho was the only thing keeping you going. He refused to let you be alone and as far as possible, he was always at your place, making sure you know you have someone who’s there for you. In fact, he practically moved into your place just to make sure you were okay.

Woo Jiho, on the other hand, was very confused. At first, when you cut him off, he thought something was wrong with your phone, because he just couldn’t comprehend the thought of you not replying to him. He kept trying to reach you, because who else would put up with his rants at 3 am, but it just wasn’t working, so he thought you’d drop in in a few days. He waited for you, but you never did drop in. He didn’t understand why, but ever since you stopped talking to him, he felt oddly uneasy and upset. He knew he could just call Minho, but ever since you started liking him, Minho had been treating him rather coldly. One night, he couldn’t take the uneasiness anymore, and he went and got drunk. He tried calling you to pick him up, but it never got through. He then tried calling Minho. Minho was at your house, but after he checked to make sure that you were fast asleep, he went out on the balcony, and took the call.

Minho answered and said, “if it’s not important, I’d rather not talk.” Jiho, completely drunk, said, “of course it’s important. Why isn’t y/n answering my calls?” Minho wanted nothing more than to just hang up, but he tried to force himself to stay calm, and said,” she blocked you.” Jiho couldn’t understand why, but that deeply upset him, and he said,” why the fuck did she block me? She fucking loves me, Minho. Don’t lie.” The absolute nonchalance in Jiho’s tone when he spoke about your feelings for him pushed Minho over the edge, and he lost it. “you bloody bastard. You knew about her feelings, you took advantage of them, and then you have the fucking nerve to say she makes you uncomfortable?” Jiho was shocked. He was definitely scared about how you found out and how you reacted, but like a cornered animal, he decided not to think back on his behaviour, and just lash out.” Yeah. I knew. So what if I knew? She really did make me uncomfortable. Good that she’s out of my life. I can’t keep keeping people I pity around me like that.” Minho’s fists were clenched and his knuckles turned white. He ground his teeth and said,” you bloody self-absorbed prick. She deserves so much better than you. I’m glad she’s out of your life.” And he cut the call.

That phone call had really gotten Minho worked up, and he stayed out on the balcony cursing Jiho for a while. After a while, you woke up realising that Minho got gotten out of bed. You sleepily rubbed your eyes and went looking for him. You found him on the balcony, cursing Jiho, and as soon as you saw that, you knew Jiho must have called him. Surprisingly enough though, you didn’t even think about Jiho for a minute and all you wanted to do was to make sure Minho felt better. Minho hadn’t heard you walk up to him, so when you hugged him, he jumped a little. He hugged you back and as you snuggled into him, he kissed the top of your head, and thought to himself,” just stay happy, please. I can’t stand watching you be sad.”

So, you slowly made some progress and moved on. You slowly forced yourself to forget Jiho, and Minho was your rock when things were tough. He was always there for you, and went out of his way to make sure you were happy. He helped you remember what love and affection felt like, and made you realise the importance of treating yourself with care too. You kept reminding yourself that you couldn’t let someone treat you the way Jiho did, and in due time, you forgot your feelings for him. It also helped that you starting to have feelings for someone else.

Minho had always loved you as a friend, but one day, he woke up and realised that he loved you as so much more. You were everything to him. You had been with him through all those harsh trainee years, through all the scandals, through all the hate, and you had always given him unconditional love and support. You never forced him to explain himself, and just accepted him. You also called him out when he knew he was being an ass. And slowly, like that, Minho fell for you. He didn’t know exactly when, but over time, he realised he loved every little part of you. He tried hiding his feelings for a while, because he knew you liked Jiho. Every time he saw you upset over Jiho, his heart broke a little more, and when he saw you cry because of him, he regretted introducing the two of you. He still loved you, but he didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were hurt and confused. Little did he know that you had slowly begun to fall for him.

Jiho, on the other hand, had no idea what to make of things. Deep down, he knew what he said about you was a lie. He knew that he liked you, he trusted you and he missed you, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. He knew that you never made him uncomfortable, and in fact, you were the only person he could unabashedly be himself around, but he started lying to himself the day some of his friends found out about you liking him. They had never liked you, and they found the idea of a lovesick you absolutely hilarious. So, they started making fun of you, and when they turned to Jiho for reinforcement, he just went along with it, because he didn’t want to admit that he also liked the person they were making fun of. He just wanted to be liked and accepted.

But he couldn’t exactly admit defeat, could he? He thought you’d still come back to him, and that everything would go back to normal, but you never came. He didn’t want to admit that he had liked you all along to the friends who made fun of you. He didn’t want to have to explain to Minho why things turned out the way they did, but more than anything else, he was ashamed to have let you down. He couldn’t bear the thought of facing you and explaining to you why he behaved like as ass. So, he decided to wait. But he also knew your birthday was coming up, and he promised himself that if by then things hadn’t worked out, he would put his pride and idiocy and everything else behind him and just beg for your forgiveness, because if nothing else, during the time you spent ignoring him, he realised he needed you in his life.

It was the night before your birthday. Minho was spending the night at your place, to bring in the day with you. Once it was midnight though, Minho was nowhere to be found. You were very confused, and a little hurt, but you went ahead and spoke to your parents for a while. After the phone call, you got tired of waiting for him, and you decided to look for him. You checked every room in the house, and you were about to go and look outside, when you heard soft music coming from the balcony. You made your way there, and what you saw made your heart melt. Minho had strung fairy lights on the railing, made a blanket fort, set down a bottle of wine and a box of brownies, and was waiting for you with something behind his hands.

With a soft smile on your face, you walked over to him. He was standing there, with a nervous smile and he said,” oh thank god you came. I was starting to get scared you would never come.” You looked around, and asked,” Mino-yaa, what is all this?” He didn’t say anything. He just smiled, kissed your forehead, made you sit down, and handed you earphones connected to his phone. When you looked up at him, surprised, he just shrugged and said, with a blush,” just listen to it.”

You did, and words don’t even come close to describing the way you felt when you heard the song he wrote for you. The song was an ode to your friendship, what you meant to him, and how that changed over the years. It was about how he would do anything to make you happy, but he would like nothing more than to be that special someone for you. It was about how he was scared that his confession would change your friendship, but he was more scared of regretting not telling you. Lastly, it was about hoe no matter how you responded, he would always be your best friend who loves you, and would continue to do anything to make you happy, even if it meant staying away from you.

Minho was nervously waiting for you to say something when you finished listening to the song, but you were silent. He couldn’t deal with the tension and he started rambling. “Oh, I knew I should have gotten ramyun for tonight. I know ramyun is your favourite. But then, I ate a lot of ramyun when I was in the studio, so I don’t really know what to do. Maybe I should have gotten something else? Did you not want brownies?” but that’s when you cut him off by kissing him. You felt him freeze when he first felt your lips on his, but slowly, as though he couldn’t believe what was happening, he relaxed into the kiss, and took over, and by god, it was the best kiss you ever had. You never thought unfamiliarity would be something you’d associate with Minho, but that exciting unfamiliarity to this side of Minho was exactly what made you melt into the kiss, your knees giving way because it was just too toe-curlingly sexy.

The next day, Jiho had it all planned out. He found out from a mutual friend that they were throwing a party for you at your favourite restaurant, and he knew he fucked up big time, so he went all out. He bought a gigantic bouquet of pink lilies, your favourite flowers, and he put together a basket full of all the things you like; the one ramyun flavour you love, your favourite chocolates( homemade, from this tiny shop near the park), some earrings he knew you’d like, some snacks, some stationary, and much more. He also had a letter, where he wrote down exactly how he felt about everything that happened. He was finally feeling a little better about things. He was making his way to the restaurant, with this dumb smile on his face with the thought of just seeing you again. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts, that he didn’t realise you and Minho were walking just ahead of him, hand in hand.

He only snapped out of it and realised that the two of you were right in front of him when he saw Minho stop in the middle of the sidewalk and kiss your hand. All of a sudden, he had a bad feeling in his stomach, and he started watching the two of you closely. Minho kissed your hand, glanced at you with love, and said,” Wait. Before we go in, I want to give you my present.” Jiho’s heart sank when he saw you blush, laugh and say,” oh god, Minho, you’ve already given me a gift I have no words for. What more could I possibly want?” Minho smiled at you, and reached into his pocket. He took out a silver chain with a pendant, a pendant of a sunflower, and reached around your neck to put it on. As he was putting it on, he leaned down, and whispered in your ear, “it’s a sunflower. On a light-hearted note, it’s a happy flower. You make me happy, and I want you to always be happy. On a symbolic note, it’s symbol of dedicated love.” He leaned back, looked at you, smiled and said,” just in case I haven’t told you just how much I love you.”

You were red from all the blushing, but also incredibly happy. You stood on your tip-toes, cupped his cheek and kissed him, saying “I love you too Song Minho.” It was a beautiful moment, but it was interrupted by a phone call Minho got. Minho started cursing halfway through the call, and finally cut the call, and sighed. You were a little worried, and you asked him what happened. “One of our idiot friends told Jiho where the party would be because apparently, he wanted to see you and apologise. This friend suddenly decided to call and ask whether you’re okay with it.” You turned pale, and as Jiho saw your reaction, his knuckles wrapped around the bouquet got a little whiter as well. Minho turned to you and asked you,” what do you want to do about it? Are you okay with him attending?”, because while Minho definitely didn’t want him there, he knew not to make decisions for you. You stood silently for a minute and then replied saying,” no. He makes me feel uncomfortable.”

Jiho couldn’t hear anything you said after that because of the ringing in his ears. He missed his chance with you, and now you were gone, forever. The selfish side of him wanted to just pull you away from Minho, but he knew that he had messed with your life enough. He knew that you deserved happiness, even if it wasn’t him making you happy. He turned around and walked away.

Something told you to turn around, and when you did, you saw a bouquet and a basket in the trash, and the sad, lonely, slumped over figure of a man walking away.

#kpopangst #minoangst #zico angst #winner angst #blockbangst #winner #blockb #kpop #angst #fanfiction

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letterstotheone-whomilovemost · 4 years

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12/31/2020 (14 months after the event)

Happy New Years!

It has been a rather weird year, hasn’t it? While some days from this year feel like they were only yesterday, others feel like half a decade ago. To be quite frank, the same applies to the last time I saw you. I’m sure if you saw this you would go “blah blah, you say the same thing every time you write.” While this is true, I can’t help it. I started taking new medication, as of 14 days ago. My psychiatrist, I have one of those now-- along with a therapist haha, recommended me getting put on escitalopram for my severe anxiety. It’s always been pretty bad, but over the course of the past 14 months, it has skyrocketed pretty high. Isn’t it strange how our minds develop as we get older? Survival of the fittest? Or is it just adaptation? The human body is pretty neat, let alone our brain.

I was going through my photos the other day, and got the sudden urge to delete all of them. Of course, I’m not as crazy as just upright deleting them-- so I uploaded all of them onto a drive, and then deleted them from my phone. All of them. Decided it was time for a fresh start, why not start with the one thing I open every day, right? I decided earlier today, about a week after I deleted all of my photos, that I would go into my drive to try and find a photo from September that I downloaded from a manga I was reading. Of course I got sidetracked, I scrolled to 2014 and was going through all of my old photos with my brother and my family, and then suddenly I got to 2017 and there it was. The black and white photo of you and I at the parking deck, both of us laughing as hard as we possibly could. I smiled softly of course, as the beautiful memory came rushing over me. But then something hit me. For some reason, this isn’t how I remember you. My brain forgot what you looked like, or at least started trying to. It’s been about a year since I last saw a photo of you. While the brain is so incredibly amazing, it has a bad habit of memories starting to fade, especially when it’s a person attached to bad memories as well. It works in some cases, where people are trying to forget-- but even still it does the opposite and leaves the person going “Why can’t I forget you!?”. Strange, right? The human mind is so beautiful. I can still hear you talking to me sometimes, if I try hard enough. Lately, I haven’t been so hard on myself. I’m trying to figure myself out still, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is okay that I still love you. I know I more than likely always will. That’s what love is, right? Being able to love and never losing that love, no matter what happens.

All of this being said, I figured I would kind of recap everything that has happened in the wonderful year of 2020. It has been one hell of a ride.

January, the month of my brother’s 15th birthday. He was so happy and we all celebrated his birthday with him the following weekend. We also went hiking the same month, while it was cold; my mother, brother, and I had a blast. This month was mostly just working and being lazy on my off days. I had a fall out with my best friend.

February, I had a love hate relationship with this month. I tried dating someone new, I saw that you had gotten in a relationship two months prior and figured it was time for me to try and move on as well. Needless to say, dude was a douchebag and was a very violent individual. I left him within 3 weeks. My birth father, his newlywed wife, my cousin from my favorite uncle, whom I had never met until then, and I all went to Ruby Falls. It was quite a beautiful journey. Whilst I fought with my father, it turned out to be an okay experience. Later in the month, I ended up getting into a fight with my landlord, who was demanding that I pay extra, even though I was not behind on any payments. I ended up cooperating with them, so that I didn’t lose my home. I celebrated my little sister’s fifth birthday.

March, I lost my job. Millions and millions of other people did as well. Covid-19 struck the world. I took it lightly and just assumed that yet again, the media was blowing things out of proportion. My landlord wasn’t understanding of the fact I was put out of work, along with millions of others. They ended up being generous for the month after I showed them statistics. I ended up being lazy, doing nothing but watching Netflix and Disney plus for the entire month.

April, Corona Virus was boring at this point. We had all been told, “Oh! We’ll all be open for business again in the next two weeks!”. That was the first week of March, and it was now April. The government didn’t give us any kind of help until the last week, so that kind of fucked me. I spent most days laying in bed on TikTok. I also got super into streaming in the beginning of this month, and my platform was finally starting to take off.

May, unemployed for two months. I debated taking a job at a warehouse. Unfortunately, the media deterred me from doing so. There was a spike of cases in my state; it was terrifying. I didn’t leave my house much. I got my dog, for the first time in 4 years. It was beautiful, I cried. He was so happy to be back home. I started a routine of watching anime every morning at 7 am and then going for a walk. I wanted to get back into a daily routine, regardless if I had a job or not. I was falling behind on bills, and I really needed to distract myself. I started getting into digital art, rather than traditional, for the first time ever. I stopped making my music.

June, I reconnected with a lot of old online friends from 2013. It was strange and I didn’t really know how to feel about it. It was nostalgic in a way, spending late nights on discord calls. I didn’t really enjoy it all too much, I felt like it all needed to stay in the past. I started anti-depressants, again. This time it was Prozac. It made me feel extremely drowsy, and made me feel out of body most of the time. I tried to date, again. An old friend that I had from 2013, we reconnected and even though they were out of state, I decided-- “Hey, maybe this will be good for me. I don’t have to worry about them getting aggressive with me, we can take things slow, and we can pace ourselves.” Oh man, if only I knew. He flew down to my state, met the family, was extremely respectful and even stayed in a hotel the first trip. Everything seemed to be going okay.

July, my 21st birthday. Did I drink? No. Sounds crazy, right? I had about half a drink, and decided I just didn’t want any. I had stopped taking my antidepressants, the new boyfriend had said that I wasn’t acting right. It fed into my suspicion, that the meds weren’t doing a whole lot for me. They were just making me really sleepy and on edge all the time. The new boyfriend had come down again for my birthday and mother’s birthday, since we share the same birth week. Celebrated with my mom, her best friend, and I. July was pretty hectic, since I had decided I would be moving to West Virginia on August 5, 2020.

August, I moved to West Virginia. I packed up all of my belongings, uprooted everything I had ever known, hugged my family goodbye, and got into the back of a truck with a u-haul attached to it. I rode in the back of the vehicle for 14 hours, fell asleep in Kentucky, woke up in Ohio. It was daylight by the time we approached West Virginia. It was so beautiful, all of the mountains. I was moving into the house in which he lived in, which his sister was next door on one side, and his parents on the other side. We had the nice river breeze, since Ohio river was within eyesight. I lived in the Tri-state area so it was Pennsylvania on one side, Ohio on the other, and us-- five minutes to each state. It was a good first couple of days. Then we got into our first fight. I was unable to work, since I left my car behind. Luckily, I had saved up a bunch of money for me to be able to buy one. He hit me with really low blows, saying I didn’t need to work-- since women weren’t good for that kind of thing. It hurt, to be honest. I had never seen him like this before, in the eight years I had known of his existence. He had been with me in my hometown for three weeks and not once acted like this. I walked on eggshells, bought a car with my hard earned money, then got a management job at the Domino’s that was ten minutes from my town I was living in. Towards the end of the month, he got aggressive with me. He stopped working the same week I had moved in, he had no car. He had no ambition, he decided to just give up. Maybe that’s what I tried to see, maybe-- just maybe I could help him find some ambition. I wanted to save him, in a way? We got into a severe fight, I couldn’t take it anymore-- I fought back, and he ended up swinging on me.

September, I packed all of my belongings that I could into my tiny little Toyota, and left in the middle of the night. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to go to my mom’s house. My mother had known how bad he had gotten, since he acted such a way with my mother on the phone, unknowingly. I drove for 15 hours, well 13 but with rest stops to nap for a bit since I was running off of no sleep, but I finally ended up back home. I ended up staying with my mom for a bit. Later had to relocate, so I moved in with an old friend. Started streaming again.

October, Worked. Literally worked the entire month, my entire existence fell into dread. I became overly aware of how much time had passed. I felt like I had been doing nothing. I dreaded the last day of the month, every day just gave me more and more sadness. I didn’t want the day to come. I started dreaming of you more and more and more. Halloween came, I decided to look at it differently, I started to thank you-- rather than try to hate you. I came to the conclusion that I would never hate you.

November, Thanksgiving! I started to become grateful, moved back into my mom’s house. It was a bumpy ride, but I managed to get back into the habit of doing healthy things. Started going to the gym again, drinking more water. I told my father he was dead to me, haven’t spoken to him since. I got to spend Thanksgiving with my real family, my mother and her best friend’s family. They watched me grow up since the day I was born. It was so much better than any other holiday I had ever had up to this date.

December, I started a new form of medicine. This time it was for anxiety, since that’s the main factor of my illness-- or so we think so far. I am on escitalopram, and I started it the week before Christmas. I got to see my real family again. It was nice, but this time I got to reunite with my childhood best friend for the first time in fifteen years. It was so lovely. I have become almost bedridden again, but it won’t last long-- since it’s just a side effect of my medicine. I also got to see some friends from high school, but then I realized-- they’re the exact same way they’ve been since the beginning. They wanted nothing but to talk about drama. It just isn’t my thing, I don’t like dealing with people much anymore, because of the constant drama. I’ve learned a lot about people changing, and the lack thereof.

I think this year has been a year full of lessons for me, and it has been tough. As they say, there’s no pleasure without pain, no pain no gain, right? This year has taught me a lot about myself and the people around me, and I am extremely grateful for the things I have experienced. I’ve learned so much about who I am as a person. I’ve grown a lot, while this year has kicked my ass. I have high hopes for the next year. For the first time, since 2016, I finally see a future in myself, by myself.

To New Beginnings, Lovebug.

I love you, always.

22:27

#dear lover #dear love #letters to the one i love most #letters to the one i loved most #letters to you

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heartschoicegames · 5 years

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Heart’s Choice Author Interview: RoAnna Sylver, “Dawnfall”

Find true love and family with a pirate crew at the ends of the universe, where aliens, ghosts, and portals open the space between worlds...and your heart. You are a Navigator, one who creates and guards portals from one dimension to another, wary of the liminal sea between them.

Your universe is made of two worlds: one contains the magic-infused world of Zephyria, and the other, the dystopian space station Eclipse. The worlds are balanced, until one day, an explosive disaster, a deadly energy storm, and an infamous pirate—the Ghost Queen—upend your life and plunge you into a race to save both worlds.

Dawnfall is a 232,000 word interactive romance novel by RoAnna Sylver, one of the first set of games releasing with the launch of Heart’s Choice. I sat down with the author, RoAnna Sylver, to talk about writing interactive romance. Heart’s Choice games release December 2nd.

Dawnfall has frankly an insanely wonderful setting for a romance game. Tell me about the aliens, the pirates, the ghosts, and the alien-pirate-ghosts.

Hi there! I’m so glad you think this sounds fun! Yeah, Dawnfall is weird as heck, and that’s one of the things I love about this story. It’s weird in a way I don’t think we’ve seen much of before. I really just tried to put in everything I find fun or interesting, and that I’ve always wanted to write. Dawnfall started out as a total brain-candy project, and runs on pure Rule of Cool. Pirates? Yes. Magic? Yes. A slice of cyberpunk? Hell yes. Eerie ghosts and faerie-tale influences and memory-sharing potions? Giant bird people? The power of rock n’roll? Yes, yes, yes.

And also everybody’s dateable, and in a couple cases, dating each other. We weave a tangled web, but I think it’s a pretty badass and spectacular web.

You seem to really neatly straddle the genre fence here with a romance and sci-fi/fantasy. What was challenging about cramming all of that into one game?

Thank you so much for saying that. I’ve always adored SFF, and there’s so much in this genre-collection, so many extremes and concepts and contrasting colors, that I couldn’t limit myself to picking just one to play with. This weird game-book is kind of a love letter to fantasy and science fiction and haunted house stories and cyberpunk adventures—I thought a lot about the Disney movie Treasure Planet for its genre-blending beauty, and the Bioware game Mass Effect for its array of fascinating, multidimensional alien cuties to interact with and date… and then turned it up to eleven.

I guess you’d expect the challenge to be in making it all fit together/be “believable,” but I kind of threw that out the window. I don’t expect anyone to find it ‘realistic’ (setting-wise anyway; I tried to make every character ring true of course), and I don’t really care if someone thinks it’s silly, or doesn’t take it seriously. It is silly in a lot of ways. DAWNFALL is a giant ridiculous queer space magic pirate adventure, and the only goal is fun. If you have fun, I’ve done my job, and there should be something fun in here for everyone.

Did you have a favorite NPC you enjoyed writing most?

Honestly I love them all so much in different ways, and I know them so well by now it’s really second nature. Their voices come so easily and they’re all so much fun. The Queen’s swagger is awesome though, and her mental voice/mannerisms probably come through especially clearly. I love Zenith’s vulnerable moments when xie lets xir guard down and lets go of the need to entertain or please. I love Averis’s journey and growth from cute wibbly nerd to a confident swashbuckler (who is also still a cute wibbly nerd). I love how deeply Oz feels, how strongly he loves and remembers and honors memory, and how unafraid he is to show softness and warmth. And I love a certain spoilery ghost-babe and how they’re so full of joy at the beauty of life.

I do want to give special mention to Aeon, though. This is a story about connection, and I wanted to show that sibling bonds are every bit as important and strong as romantic or any other. I also wanted to show a complex, multidimensional antagonist figure who holds heartbreaking secrets along with authority, and is genuinely trying to do what she thinks is the best thing, and wants what’s best for you, the PC, even if you might not always agree. Her balance between being so emotionally guarded and determined and unyielding, while hopefully being extremely easy to read and tell what she wants and fears and loves—spoiler: you; she loves you!—was a challenge I hope I pull off.

…Also I enjoy any time Vyranix gets his pompous feathered ass handed to him. I think we all know a Vyranix, or at least of one, and it’s always fun to take them down, even in fantasy.

Who would you be romancing as a player?

I’m gonna say “everyone,” and here it won’t actually be cheating, because you can romance everyone! At once! In varying degrees/relationship dynamics and attractions. You don’t see a lot of polyamory-friendly games or books or anything really, and this is an incredibly important thing for me. The second I got the idea for Dawnfall I knew it had to let players romance anyone they wanted and show polyamory in a realistic, healthy light. I’m also a-spec (asexual and aromantic), and having not just good representation but being actively included and welcomed and celebrated in fiction is so huge too.

Dawnfall is a romance of course, being part of Heart’s Choice, but one of the single most vital elements for me is making it inclusive for aromantic and asexual players and player-characters. Essentially, I wanted to write a romance that didn’t penalize players for not experiencing the attractions the way we’re otherwise expected or required—and I’m so grateful that my amazing editors and community not only accepted but supported everything I was trying to do here. (It’s so refreshing not to have to fight for inclusion and freedom. It shouldn’t be, but it is.)

And that’s where the concept of “Heart-Stars” and “Same-Feathers” came from. I’ve never seen anything honor queerplatonic relationships like I’m trying to do here, and I want everyone, of every sexuality and attraction, to feel like they have a place here and can experience this adventure without limits. And I wanted to show that it’s a very normal thing, hence this being the same for the human characters as well as alien. (One of the nonbinary characters being human is also no mistake. I love me some wild alien genders, but there are tons of awesome nonbinary humans too!)

…That being said, I think I gave Averis most of my anxiety-issues, and would really just like to curl up with Oz and watch The Great British Bake-Off. That sounds like a perfect night in my books.

What were some of the things you found surprising about the game-writing process?

Coding was definitely the biggest learning curve. I’d never coded anything before in my life, and it’s such a new skillset to learn, entirely different from any kind of writing I’ve ever done. Sometimes it felt rewriting my brain, which did not at all do this intuitively—and also sometimes like I bit off much more than I could chew (first game ever being not only a huge piece of interactive fiction, but a polyamorous romance with aro and ace possibilities, and so many more variables than expected!), but it’s been worth it. Entirely. If my writing makes anyone feel seen and accepted and invited to have fun as they are, it’s worth every bit of struggle.

Also, oddly, interactive fiction is in some ways easier for me than writing a plain old book! Probably because I love AUs so much, and every choice in a game is like writing a tiny AU of the story, so I get to do the same scenes several different ways. My ADHD-brain finds something about this extremely satisfying, most likely because it somehow feels more like multitasking! Several stories in one, and if I like two ideas, I don’t have to pick just one to write!

Honestly though, I think the most surprising part is just being done, and…that I could do this at all. It was so huge, and took so long, and I learned so much, and every day I’m just kind of going “who the hell am I?” about doing all of this. I’m proud of it. I did a cool thing. And trying to get better at saying that.

And, what are you working on now?

I always have about 8 active projects going at once (which shouldn’t come as a surprise after last question!), but my next interactive fiction game is with Tales/Fable Labs! It’s shaping up to be a Dawnfall-sized project, but a little faster-moving and action-y.

It’s called Every Beat Belongs To You, and it’s a romantic thriller that feels like Twin Peaks meets Mr. Robot, with a smattering of Repo: The Genetic Opera. A creepy Pacific Northwest town with a secret (and a rash of ritualized murders), a super-slick medical research company whose flagship product is a 100% perfect synthetic heart, a mysterious new-age group, and a sister who went missing just before discovering how it’s all connected. Also five simultaneously-dateable (including ace and aro ships!) cuties of varying genders! Who will you trust with your heart?

I’m very excited about Everybeat, which should be just as queer, polyam, exciting, and weird as all my stuff! Aside from that, I’m working on Stake Sauce Book 2, its companion f/f vampire series Death Masquerade, and Chameleon Moon Book 3. I’m not always working…sometimes there are videogames, and sleep. But I really hope to have a lot more fun things to share soon!

Oh, and depending on how this weird, fun thing goes, I do have some ideas for prequel Dawnfall stories; maybe games, maybe books, but the ideas are there. The world—worlds, really—is so huge, and I’m not done playing in it yet! I also have some character art drawn, and I want to do a lot more of them. It’s another way to show love.

So thank you so much! I really hope Dawnfall is as fun to everyone to read/play as it was for me to write. I can’t wait to share it with you!

#hearts choice #interactive fiction

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searchingwardrobes · 6 years

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If Found Please Call

This fic idea wouldn’t leave me alone, so I stayed up until one am writing it. Hopefully it’s not a hot mess. Based on my own experiences as a not-so soccer mom.

Summary: Emma Swan wasn’t trying to give Henry’s soccer coach Killian Jones her phone number. She was just sick and tired of her kid losing his water bottles.

Rating; G

Words: 3,000 +

Can also be read on Ao3

Tagging @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @kday426 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @bethacaciakay @teamhook @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @winterbaby89 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @ohmakemeahercules @distant-rose @welllpthisishappening @let-it-raines

Emma Swan doesn’t ask for a three and a half bath house or high-end SUV. She doesn’t need to take her son for a week at Disney World at the Grand Floridian. But she would like for once to be able to just say yes to the little things without doing mathematical gymnastics in her head. Henry’s currently begging her for a water bottle to take to soccer, and damn it, this shouldn’t be such a big deal.

But she’s a single mom and pinching pennies just seems to be part of the deal. She doesn’t even have the added bonus of a child support check. Scratch that, having Neal in their lives wouldn’t be worth the pennies he’d most likely throw their way.

You’d think a water bottle wouldn’t be a major purchase. But first of all, this is no ordinary water bottle. This is a metal Thermos with a flip top straw that promises to keep beverages cool for twelve hours. And since Emma bought one for herself to take on stake outs, she can attest to the legitimacy of that claim. With ice still rattling around inside.

But, they aren’t cheap, at least in Emma’s opinion. She spent twenty-five bucks on hers. Henry wants a slightly smaller one, which is twenty, but that’s still a lot for a water bottle. Especially considering how many water bottles she’s already bought for the kid that he’s promptly lost. When she points this out to him, he naturally begins his debate skills which are surprisingly well-honed for a twelve-year-old.

“But this one is special, so I won’t forget it.”

She raises both eyebrows. “Special how?” Aside from keeping drinks ice cold for twelve hours.

“It’s an Avengers one.”

She crosses her arms and purses her lips at that. They’ve had this debate so many times. Her son is crazy about all things Marvel, while Emma is strictly a DC girl. She maintains that Superman and Supergirl alone could have defeated Thanos. One holds him down, the other yanks off the gauntlet, they use their heat vision to destroy the thing, and bing-bang-boom, the Justice League is home by dinner. Mary Margaret maintains it has more to do with her taste in tall and dark Tom Welling or Henry Cavill as opposed to the blonde and muscled Chrises of the world. Not that Henry’s picked up on that particular aspect of her Superman obsession.

“You can check that I have it after practice, I swear,” Henry quickly changes tactics to avoid another Avengers vs. Justice League argument.

She rolls her eyes, and Henry’s mouth is open for his next argument before she can speak. Being a single mom and having the job she does, she’s enlisted the help of every one of her closest friends to make sure Henry gets where he’s supposed to be and is supervised. Emma herself can barely make sure Henry’s got his cleats and shin guards, much less keep up with a water bottle. She certainly can’t expect David or Mary Margaret or Ruby to remember. Aside from that, she’s pretty sure Henry has left past water bottles all over Storybrooke park, not just on the soccer fields. He has a bad habit of running off to do the myriad of things boys do while waiting to be picked up. Last week, David found him and his friends playing in the creek by the parking lot. She’s pretty sure water bottle number 12 is floating its way to the Atlantic by now.

“But the environment, Mom! Remember those YouTube videos of all the plastic water bottles?”

Well, shit. Now he’s gone and pulled the “we need to save the environment” card. And yes, she was horrified at the mountains of disposable water bottles in the landfills and the beaches covered in hundreds that had washed ashore. Hell, it’s why she bought Henry the other dozen water bottles that he’s lost. And she takes waste seriously, really she does, but she’s trying to raise a kid here. If she carries the weight of the world too, she’ll end up mumbling in a corner somewhere. So when Henry kept losing the reusable bottles she kept buying, she had given up and starting buying cases of water at the grocery store to keep in the Bug. That way, her kid stayed hydrated without constant nagging.

“Henry,” she groaned, rubbing at the tension headache mounting behind her right eye, “I want to be green and all that, but you’ve lost every single reusable bottle I’ve gotten you. And none of those cost as much as this one.”

“We’ll put my name on it!”

“Your name was on the last one. Fat lot of good it did when you dropped it in the creek.” So much for saving the environment.

Henry rolled his eyes and it was way too familiar for her comfort. “Coach got onto us for that, remember? No more playing in the creek.”

Henry’s coach, Killian Jones, was the envy of every other soccer team in the rec league. He was British, and apparently, that automatically meant he knew more about soccer than anyone else in Storybrooke. Not that Emma would know. She was the farthest thing from a soccer mom. All she knew was the ball went into the net, and if the goalie didn’t stop it, they scored. No, that wasn’t right. Henry told her it was a keeper, not a goalie. God, she was awful at this sports mom thing.

Other parents cheered specific instructions to their kids from the sidelines, but Emma didn’t know enough to do that. She just clapped and yelled for the kids to “go.” Emma couldn’t even yell the other kids’ names. She missed so many practices, she hadn’t learned any of them.

“It’s okay, Mom,” Henry had told her. “Sometimes the parents are yelling stuff that’s wrong anyway. I think it annoys Coach Jones.”

If the man was annoyed, he never showed it. There had been so many games when Emma was thankful her son had gotten on his team, and it had nothing to do with his superior British knowledge of the game. He was calm and collected, while other coaches got red in the face and way too intense. He smiled and encouraged the boys, while other coaches yelled things at their players that made Emma cringe. Not that Coach Jones didn’t get loud, but it was to call out instructions to his players or to cheer them on.

Of course, some of the other single moms (and some of the married ones) were glad to have Coach Jones for other reasons. The man was easy on the eyes, there was no doubt about it. Some of the available women had even made rather obvious advances on the man, which he seemed to deflect with easy grace. But not Emma. What little romantic life she had was kept completely separate from Henry which made his coach off limits. Her romantic life was kept on the surface level too, but that was neither here nor there.

“We could add a phone number.”

Emma shakes her head to clear it of thoughts of Coach Jones and his blue eyes, easy smile, and how good he looks in soccer shorts. What were her and Henry talking about again? Oh right, the water bottle.

“You know,” Henry repeats, shaking the Avengers Thermos at her, “if found, call?”

Emma thinks about the mountains of plastic bottles in landfills, guilt rising up. She thinks of how much easier it would be if she didn’t have to buy a case of water every time she went to the store and how much space would be freed up in her tiny Bug without all those bottles of water. She looks into Henry’s eager face, and she caves.

“Fine.”

“Yes,” Henry cheers, pumping his fist.

As soon as they get home, Emma gets out the masking tape. Careful to avoid the Avengers logo, she labels it “Henry Swan. If found, please call 555-0980.”

****************************************************

It’s a week later, and Emma is on another stake out. She’s just received a text from David that he’s dropped Henry off at the apartment. She’s got Ruby lined up to head over at nine if Emma’s still working. Knowing her son’s taken care of relieves some of the tension she’s been carrying in her shoulders, and she relaxes a bit while still keeping her eyes trained on the apartment building across the street.

Her phone rings, and she frowns when she sees Coach Jones flash across her screen. She only has his number saved for when he sends out texts to the team about when the games are, what color jerseys to wear, and alerting them if a game gets rained out. He doesn’t have to, most of the other coaches assume the parents follow the team portal on the rec website, and Emma is incredibly grateful that he’s so considerate. It’s one less thing she has to stress about.

But he’s never called her, and seeing his name now has her going into immediate mom-panic mode where she jumps to the worst possible scenario. She imagines Henry getting bullied by some of the bigger players. He can’t have been injured at practice, or David would have told her, but what if Coach Jones noticed something more subtle? She saw a movie on Netflix about a figure skater who kept coughing at practice and ended up dying of a rare throat cancer.

She shakes her head at her own ridiculousness and answers the call. “Coach Jones, is everything okay?”

“Oh yes, Ms. Swan, I didn’t mean to worry you,” he assures her in his smooth accent. “I just have Henry’s Thermos here.”

“Oh,” Emma replies, letting out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, “thank you. He’s always forgetting his damn water bottles.”

Coach Jones chuckles. “He’s not the only lad on the team that has that habit, I can assure you.”

Emma bites her lip as his accent wreaks havoc with her hormones. Are all British men so eloquent?

“Shall I bring it by?” he continues.

“Um, no,” Emma says, “I’m working still, and I don’t feel comfortable -”

“Say no more, Ms. Swan,” he cuts her off, “I understand completely. Tell me your place of employ and perhaps I could bring it to you there.”

“That’s a bit complicated . . . I’m . . . kind of on a stake out.”

“Stake out?” he asks, and she thinks he sounds impressed. “Are you a cop?”

“No,” Emma says, a smile lifting the corner of her mouth, “I’m in bail bonds.”

“A bounty hunter?”

Emma laughs at the awe in his voice. “In a way.”

He whistles and his clear admiration makes Emma’s chest swell with ridiculous pride.

“No worries,” he tells her, “now that I’m thinking on it, there’s no reason why I can’t fill it up for Henry myself and bring it to the game Saturday.”

“Could you?”

“I’ll set it on my kitchen counter so I’ll be sure to remember,” he assures her. But it isn’t that she thinks he’ll forget, she’s just still, after all these years, surprised at random acts of kindness, no matter how small.

“Thank you, Coach Jones.”

“Please, Ms. Swan, it’s Killian.”

“Then it’s Emma to you.”

“Goodnight, Emma.”

“Goodnight, Killian.”

*************************************************

When Emma and Henry arrive at the soccer fields on Saturday, Coach Jones, as usual, is already there. He waves as soon as he sees them and jogs over with Henry’s Thermos in his hand.

“Thanks, Coach,” Henry says, taking a swig. Then he’s off to join his teammates on the other side of the field.

Emma swallows a lump in her throat when Coach Jones – Killian – lingers. He ducks his head and scratches behind his ear, and Emma can’t help but think that he’s gathering his courage. She’s suddenly petrified that he’s about to ask her out. Oh God, does he think she put her number on Henry’s thermos as a roundabout way to get him to call her?

“I must ask for your forgiveness, Emma.”

She blinks. Of all the things she thought he might say, that wasn’t it. “For what?”

He rubs at the scruff on his jaw. “I have all parent numbers saved as a group on my phone, just for team communication. I have a strict policy not to socialize with parents. It might make others believe I’m playing favorites you understand.”

“Of course,” Emma says, narrowing her eyes. Where’s he going with this?

The nervousness seems to fall away and his gaze becomes not only sincere, but a bit intense. “But after I called you about Henry’s Thermos, I saved your number as just Emma.” She can see his adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “And I must confess, I've thought of calling you again many times.”

Emma commands her lips not to turn up in a smile and fails miserably. “I see.”

“I didn’t ask permission to have your number in a social compacity, and for that I apologize.”

Emma shrugs one shoulder. “No need. It’s just a phone number. We’re both adults.” Her lips continue their rebellious ways and she add, “And I don’t think just a phone call or a text here or there would be called socializing. Do you?” Is she seriously standing on the sidelines of her son’s soccer game and flirting with his coach?

Killian’s smile broadens to a full grin, dimpling his cheeks. “Aye. I believe you’re onto something, Swan.”

“I thought I told you. It’s Emma,” she says. So she’s flirting, okay?

He winks. “I didn’t say Ms Swan, now did I? The name suits you.” Then he’s jogging backwards towards his team.

Yes, she’s flirting with Henry’s soccer coach, and he’s flirting right back. The scariest part is that she isn’t scared at all. She’s so screwed.

***************************************************

It’s six weeks later, and Emma has lost count of how many text messages she has received from Killian Jones. She’s also talked to him on the phone almost daily, sometimes for hours on end. He hasn’t so much as touched her, they haven’t even been on a date, and already she’s falling hard. But they both agree that officially dating is out of the question as long as he’s Henry’s coach.

Which is why she’d giddy with excitement today. And simultaneously feeling like the worst mother in the world. Because today is Henry’s last soccer game. Maybe. If they lose, the season is over. If they win, there will be one more week of practice, then two weeks of tournament play that involves some complicated system that is ridiculous in her opinion for a rec league of twelve-year-olds. Is she a horrible mother if she doesn’t want to wait three more weeks to jump Henry’s coach? Oh God, she is. She’s a horrible mother.

She also has to talk to Henry about dating his coach. She may be breaking all her self-imposed rules of romance (yes even the one about keeping things surface level), but Henry still comes first. He’s bouncing with excitement in the passenger’s seat as they drive to the soccer fields, making her feel even more conflicted with each passing moment.

“If we go to the tournament Mom, there’s a trophy for the top three teams. I mean, we all get participation medals, but a trophy is something else!”

Emma bites her lip thinking of Henry’s disappointment if they don’t make the tournament. Three weeks, Emma, it’s only three more weeks . . . so she changes her prayers to whoever is listening that Henry’s team wins after all.

“Henry,” she says when she parks the car, “I need to ask you something important.”

“Okay . . . “

She takes a deep breath, “Would it be okay if I date Coach Jones? I mean, once the season is over?”

Henry frowns, and Emma’s heart beats erratically. If her son is upset by the prospect . . .

“Can he still be my coach next season? Cause I wanna be on his team again, and you can request a coach -”

Emma lifts her hand. “Let’s cross that bridge when we get to it, okay?” Although, she doesn’t think it will be a problem if they’re already in an established relationship when the season starts. Wait, she’s totally getting ahead of herself, and she never does that.

“Well, will you ask him before you go on your date? To be sure?”

Emma smiles softly at him. “Is that really the only thing you’re worried about?”

Henry shrugs. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it may be a little weird, but he is really great.”

“Yeah, kid, he is.”

**********************************************

The team is packed into Granny’s to celebrate their win. Even though it means three more weeks before she can go on her first date with Killian, Emma can’t help but get swept up with Henry’s enthusiasm. You would think they were going to the World Cup the way the boys are acting. She catches Killian’s eye across the sea of boys shoveling french fries into their mouths, and she knows that taking these kids to the tournament means a lot to him, too. He tears his blue eyes away from her to engage with the boys in front of him, congratulating each of them on how they contributed to their big win. Emma slides away, letting them have this moment.

She finds herself seeking solitude in the hallway near the bathrooms, though the boys are still a dull roar out in the dining room. Someone selects “We are the Champions” on the jukebox, and soon a chorus of warbly prepubescent boys are belting out the tune.

Killian finds her there. He reaches out to touch her elbow hesitantly, and at her soft smile, he rubs both her arms with his hands. She steps away from the wall and closer to him.

“I’m sorry our date is delayed, love.”

Emma shrugs, pushing aside her disappointment. “How can I not be happy for Henry, though? And what about you? I saw you on the sidelines. Are you sure this is just rec soccer? Because you seemed really into it today.”

He laughs, his blush rising to the tips of his elf-shaped ears. “I’m pretty excited, I won’t lie.” He takes a step closer and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. The ghost of a touch is enough to send a shudder through her. “But I’m more excited about our date.”

Her eyes dart from the blue of his eyes down to his lips. “I know we said we couldn’t date while you were Henry’s coach. But I’m not a sure a kiss would -”

He captures her mouth with his before she can finish the sentence. Emma practically loses her balance with the passion and heat of it, grasping onto his soccer jersey with both fists. He presses her against the wall as he deepens it, and Emma thinks she might just rip those soccer shorts off here and now. She whimpers slightly when he pulls away, chasing his lips, and he presses his forehead to hers.

“I was going to ask if I had been too forward, but evidently not,” he teases her.

She doesn’t answer him, she just yanks him close again. If he keeps stealing kisses like this, the next three weeks may not be so bad after all.

And she needs to remember to thank Henry for that phone number idea . . .

#cs ff #captain swan #with a little captain cobra #swan believer #modern au #soccer au #single parenting

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neonoires · 6 years

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My thoughts on Solo: A Star Wars Story [Spoilery?]

Alden Ehrenreich, you get my apologies. When I found out you were cast I made fun of you and then someone told me about the on set rumors about needing acting classes [I didn’t quite believe this because I’m familiar with his work] and I wrote you off as Han immediately. But BITCH you snatched my wig. Alden was endearing, charming, SEXY, brave, sweet, empathetic, and of course, the good guy. I love Alden’s version of Han, it made my icy cold heart feel warm and fuzzy. I felt the chemistry radiating off of Alden with every scene partner. Han + Chewbacca made me tear up. Han + Lando made me want some sort of buddy smuggling film even though I know it won’t work timeline wise. Han + Tobias Beckett gave me the feels for some reason, almost reminiscent to Han + Finn in the Force Awakens. And Han + Qi’ra had so much chemistry that I was like “HAN HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON LEIA BEFORE YOU GUYS EVEN MEET. YOU ARE SUCH A TYPICAL GUY.” Also Star Wars, the brunette white heroine is getting a little weird, imagine Han through the different stages in his life with Qi’ra, Leia, and Rey.... gets confusing and kind of weird. As I write this I’m made aware of the Rey being related to Qi’ra theories and I’m not mad at it.

Beckett stole the show for me. Woody Harrelson showed why he’s the vet on the scene and if it weren’t for him, I think that the movie would have been incredibly dull. I understand that all he had to really do was take what Harrison Ford has done since 1977 with the role as Han and come off like a mentor but I’m a sheeple and I 100% fell for it, I don’t care. I loved him from beginning to the end. Qi’ra is a character that I didn’t expect to like but I fucking love her. She’s smart, tough, and warm which is a recipe for a great heroine to me. There were times when I felt like I was waiting for the hammer to drop because I figured she would turn because it was hyped throughout the entire movie which gave me so much anxiety. But I was satisfied with both of these character’s storylines in the end.

Dryden was intense but it wasn’t overwhelming. I didn’t find him to be a compelling villain just because I don’t think we had a lot of time with him but he did feel really threatening. I loved the whole criminal underbelly to the galaxy and I also liked how they didn’t beat us over the head with empire stuff. The fact that Han was part of the imperial army at some point was a really cool addition in my opinion. Or maybe it’s not even an addition because I literally only watch the movies so I wouldn’t know.

Lando grew on me. I smiled all while Donald Glover was on screen. My only gripe with him is that there were points when his accent was kind of grating. I was wondering WTF Donald Glover was doing with his voice which made me cringe but it wasn’t horrible. Speaking of Black representation, Val.... I saw people on Twitter call it a glorified cameo and I have to agree with that. I would have liked to see more of Val because she’s one of the few Black women we see in space and Thandie Newton is a gem. I needed way more of her but kudos to Disney for finally putting a visibly Black woman on screen. Also, to the sister that was singing at that one place [I’ve only seen this movie once so forgive me], I see you! That gold dress was everything. OMG Erin Kellyman as Enfys Nest, such a fucking bad ass bitch. I NEEDED MORE OF HER TOO. But again, I’m thankful for Thandie and Erin being in this even for a split second but I expect way more screen time in the future.

I was cringed out when Han was speaking Wookie, I’m glad that didn’t continue through the movie because I hated it so much LOL. There was a huge WTF moment for me and since I’m technically seeing this late as fuck [didn’t get to see it opening weekend] I feel like I can say it. Darth Maul showing up was a major WTF moment but after a one minute Twitter search I learned that he appears in Clone Wars and that he didn’t die in the Phantom Menace like I originally thought. I need to learn more about that. I liked L3, I thought she was perfect for the #TimesUp movement happening in our world today. At times I felt like she was too much and trying too hard to be funny but it didn’t take away from the viewing experience.

All in all I think that Solo didn’t really get a fair shot. The trailers were garbage and all of that production drama and stalling put a lot of people off. Then there’s Star Wars fatigue and the fact that so many people were unhappy with The Last Jedi so they weren’t going to run out and see this but I loved this film. It made me extremely happy and I can’t wait to watch this again. As I wrap this long AF post up I am remembering the music and it was an overall heartwarming experience. I hope that once all this “box office flop” hype calms the fuck down we can all see that this is a highly enjoyable film whether or not you think a Han Solo origin story was necessary. I don’t think that it should be compared to Rogue One because it’s not as serious as Rogue One but for me, I wanted to see parts of the universe that were unexplored like the criminal underbelly. I applaud Rogue One and The Last Jedi for showing us the parts of the universe who don’t have the connection with the defeat of the empire. I’ve always been into seeing regular degular people in the SW universe. Go see this film!

#solo: a star wars story #star wars #han solo #solo a star wars story #han solo movie #solo #sw #alden ehrenreich #lando calrissian #qi'ra #tobias beckett #enfys nest #val beckett #thandie newton #woody harrelson #emilia clarke #donald glover

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bxebxee · 6 years

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Why Cinderella Is Important To Me, an Informal Essay

There are some feminists who are vocal opponents of Disney princesses like Cinderella. Before I really go into why Cinderella is important (to me), I think it’s important to recognize that without the work of the feminists of the 60s/70s/80s/90s...etc., the world would truly be a worse-off place, and I am FOREVER grateful for all of their contributions. The world is not perfect, and neither is feminism. Older feminists got (and continue to get) a lot of important, good things right, but some of their views concerning Disney princesses in general rubs me the wrong way. (The article linked is from 2006, so take it with a grain of salt. I will reference this later.)

I think there are some key generational differences in feminist culture of women who were born in the 70s versus women who were born in the 80s, and certainly for all women moving forward. When we are born into a society with a set standard (whatever that standard may be), we respond in a different way, and our priorities/activist attention will be centered on other issues. I recommend that everyone read this really good take by Anne Marie Slaughter concerning women, the workplace, and living. This article does a better job at explaining this than I could ever possibly hope to do.

I don’t like to block-quote, but this is POWERFUL stuff from Anne Marie Slaughter:

I owe my own freedoms and opportunities to the pioneering generation of women ahead of me—the women now in their 60s, 70s, and 80s who faced overt sexism of a kind I see only when watching Mad Men, and who knew that the only way to make it as a woman was to act exactly like a man. To admit to, much less act on, maternal longings would have been fatal to their careers. But precisely thanks to their progress, a different kind of conversation is now possible. It is time for women in leadership positions to recognize that although we are still blazing trails and breaking ceilings, many of us are also reinforcing a falsehood: that “having it all” is, more than anything, a function of personal determination.

Okay, now to the fun stuff.

Let me summarize Cinderella:

Cinderella (Cindy) is a rich, privileged girl who lives with her single-parent father because her mother died when she was just a baby. Cindy lives in a de-facto castle with a Pony. Her dad is hella rich, and since he adores her, she’s probably the sole beneficiary.

The dad feels guilty that Cindy doesn’t have a mom and then unilaterally decides to marry some woman for the sole purpose of having her act as a mother to his kid. Note: in the Disney movie, it’s expressly stated that Cindy’s dad went out looking for a mom replacement - nothing more.

The dad dies. Cindyis then “abused and humiliated” by the stepmother and made into a servant in her own home.

Cindy’s room is in the servant quarters. She hangs out with rodents and birds and basically lives at the whim of her terrible stepfamily. She has no life and does menial labor for people who make her life miserable.

But One Day, there’s this Ball she wants to go to, and her stepmom is terrible human being who taunts Cindy by saying she can go if she has a dress. Note: this serves two purposes - (1) it’s a way of saying no; and (2) it’s a way of rubbing it in Cindy’s face that she has nothing and is nothing.

Big theme that’s always repeated and is relatively true is that Cindy stays “kind and good” throughout all of this and perseveres through sheer “goodness” of her heart. Because she’s “kind and good” to the animals, they make a dress for her using the scraps luxury goods lying around the house.

The stepsisters assault Cindy and rip the dress from her body. This is violent and humiliating, and tbh you should be locked up if you pull this shit! Anyway, they stepfam leave for the ball after twisting the knife and Cindy is miserable and probably at the Brink.

Important: The Fairy Godmother makes an appearance and saves the day. I want to stress that it is not the prince who ends up saving Cinderella, but rather the Fairy Godmother. Without FairyG, you don’t have a happy ending.

The Fairy Godmother is the one who presents the magical Deus Ex Machina for Cindy to get her life for one night. But FairyG knows that Cindy is a hot girl who’s been thoroughly sheltered for her entire life, so she gives a curfew of midnight. “The magic will wear out” is such bullshit tbh like just say you don’t want Cindy out too late.

Cindy loses 1 slipper in her rush to get home, and that sets off the whole Find Cindy arc of the last 1/3 of the movie.

The prince is so fucking into Cindy omg. He wants to wife her.

Eventually, the search crew gets to Cindy’s place, but stepmom catches wind that Cindy might be mystery gal. Cindy gets locked in the tower but she breaks free due to the help from her animal friends!!

Stepmom trips the guy holding the glass slipper, causing the slipper to SHATTER so that Cindy doesn’t put it on. But stepmom is a cuck who doesn’t know Cindy is a real bitch with a backup plan.

Cindy pulls out the spare shoe she has, puts it on, and we montage to the marriage scene and happily ever after.

The supposed message that is distasteful to a lot of people is that Cinderella is a girl who doesn’t have a dream outside of marriage and aspires to being someone’s wife as her ultimate goal. She escapes one servitude for another. In THIS article, which I linked above as well, the author says this about Cinderella when she talks to her daughter: “It’s just, honey, Cinderella doesn’t really do anything.”

Cinderella’s "Passivity” Explained:

Now I agree with a lot of things in that article, but I am purposely pulling out that one quote because it Pisses Me Off when people categorize Cinderella as some jobless shut-in.

Cinderella wasn’t like this by choice. Her dad died when she was too young to be independent, and her new guardian was a terrible human being who basically kept her around for inheritance purposes. Cindy was not financially independent, nor did she have any power. Let’s really consider her background!!! If her father thought that she “needed” a mother, he probably never taught her anything about finances or her rights (assuming we’re in an era where those existed). Like... I can see he loved her very much, but what it’s a very 1950s thought to assume your kid needs both a mother and a father. (Cinderella was released in 1950 LOL.)

So Cinderella’s real problems started because her dad made incredibly poor choices related to co-parenting. And for all of the stepmother’s faults, maybe it pissed her off that she was only being wifed because this guy wanted her to act as a glorified nanny for his brat. The stepmother is still terrible though, no excuses. Anyway, it’s evident that Cinderella’s childhood and adolescence were not happy times, and she had very little time to adjust to this new world order.

“Good and Kind” is Misleading:

Cinderella is part of the union of Nice Princesses, the OG3 of Snow White, Cinderella, and Aurora. You have feisty Disney princesses like Ariel, Jasmine, Rapunzel, Merida...etc., and then you have girls like Cindy.

One of the main themes of Cinderella that they push really hard is that she’s a good person. She’s kind, hopeful, and doesn’t let the meanness of the world change her. Her purity is related to purity of spirit, where the negative circumstances around her do not turn her heart towards bitterness. Check out this song for the proof.

I agree that she’s a good person, but throughout the movie you’ll see a lot of places where Cindy gets snarky and shady!!! I mean the FACES that she makes when her stepmother gives her ridiculous chores:

(You can watch the full vid here. Also, can you believe how hilarious that this face appears right at 4:20? LOL)

“Good and Kind” doesn’t mean she’s not sneaky when she wants to be. There’s this one scene where Cinderella drops a tray of tea in “surprise” at the news that the duke is going around testing feet sizes of all the maidens. Now, I’ve seen Cinderella balance three loads of laundry while avoiding a nasty cat who always tries to trip her. She didn’t look like she dropped it in surprise because she HARDLY jumped. I guess you can say maybe she was so out of it and surprised that nothing else registered, but my take is that she dropped it on purpose to eavesdrop on the stepmother.

Cinderella’s version of sneaky is also kinda funny too because when she escapes the tower, she has that other glass slipper with her. A Real Bitch Is Always Prepared!!!! And she had the nerve to chirp “if it would help~~~”

I love her.

Cindy is Not Perfect:

The one thing I will say about Cindy is that she is Naive. She is Naive as HELL. She does try to believe in the goodness of all people/animals, and she gives people the benefit of the doubt. But she’s terrible at hiding her emotions when she’s happy. She’s transparent as Glass whenever she’s in a good mood, and she gets Radiant. The stepmother cannot stand this, and it kills her to see Cinderella happy.

The only reason Cinderella gets locked in the tower right before the duke shows up with the slipper she left behind is because the stepmother notices Immediately when Cinderella is happy. The stepmom has this sixth sense for it, and she puts together two and two to figure out that Cinderella was the Mystery Gal from the ball.

The Prince is Irrelevant:

People also dislike OG3 princess movies because the prince “saves” the princess for her happily ever after. I want to stress that it was the Fairy Godmother who was the mvp in all of this. The prince is an Afterthought, and he was a happy accident for Cinderella, but the person who made it all possible was the Fairy Godmother.

I will always say that Cinderella was craving a life, not a man.

But back up for a second because frankly... Cinderella getting with the fucking prince is Peak Revenge on her terrible stepfam. I mean you have Cinderella who has lived the better part of her life as an abused servant-orphan suddenly getting married to the prince, who will probably have political and financial power over these terrible people. Also, can the stepfam do any better than the royal family? Probably not. Even at the ending, Cinderella flat out kisses the king’s head as if he was a child. The duke is probably pissing himself over keeping her happy because she basically saved his life by pulling out that the shoe letting him complete his task successfully. She has EVERYONE in the royal family eating out of her palm.

Conclusions:

On a personal level, I feel emotional fondness for Cinderella because she hangs in there. She endured a lot of bullshit, but she eventually got out. That’s the happy ending that gives me hope. Marriage/finding a man is not what drives satisfaction of that movie. We cheer because Cinderella gets to leave her abusers behind in the dust while living her best life.

SHE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

The End!

#disc horse

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orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries · 7 years

Text

Once Farewell 💖💔

@jenmorrisonlive: What an amazing life changing journey of magic and hope! Thank you to Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis for trusting me with Emma Swan. Thank you to the incredible cast and mostly, thank you to the creative team and crew of ONCE UPON A TIME. The endless hours of hard work and devotion that every crew member contributed to the show is what made magic possible every week for 7 years. I am eternally grateful to everyone. And a massive shout out, big hug, and giant thank you to all of the fans. You made ONCE what it is. You all inspired us every day. Thank you for all of the love and support for the show over the years. The #oncers made dreams come true. You are all heroes in my book!

@lparrilla: I’ll never forget the day I walked in to audition as Evil Queen Regina for Eddy and Adam. I was wearing all black (of course) and had this crazy, dreadlock looking wrap draped over my shoulders. I had no idea where this pilot was going to go but I knew it was something special. I walked out of the audition room and down the hall was an old photograph of the OG Evil Queen herself. I knew then, something magical was about to begin. It’s been 7 years now and I couldn’t be prouder of what we all have created. Adam and Eddy had this crazy idea in their minds years ago and it turned into a fantastical phenomenon. This show has touched so many people’s lives, changed them for the better, has inspired us to grow in ways we never could’ve imagined. It’s brought hope, joy, friendships and love to so many. I am lucky and blessed to have been a part of it for 7 years. I want to thank the cast, our incredibly, hard working crew and the writers for your dedication and hard work over the years. Thank you to the studio and network for believing in us, supporting us and giving us a home to tell our stories. But most importantly, I want to thank our fans. We honestly wouldn’t be here without your love, support and loyalty to ONCE. Thank you for standing by us all of these years. We hope we’ve made you proud and that the magic this show has brought in to your lives never dies. Thank you for all you’ve given back to us in return and always remember to keep that magic alive. Signed with love, respect, gratitude and honor, Lana #OUAT

@lparrilla: Dear #onceuponatime fans, I would like to thank you all for your love and support over the last 7 years! I never could’ve imagined I would get to play an iconic Disney character in my career and who better than the Evil Queen herself! ONCE’s EQ Regina Mills was so much more than a villain. She became a hero, an inspiration and one of the most influential characters on the show. She became MY hero. I learned so much from her and I will miss walking in her shoes. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity I’ve had to play Regina. Thank you, thank you, thank you @adamhorowitzla @edwardkitsis @disney & @abcnetwork This experience has changed my life! Everyone please enjoy tonight’s series finale of Once Upon A Time! It’s a tearjerker so prepare yourselves! All my love - Lana #evilregals #oncers#villians #hereos #hope #family #love#happyending #dreamsdocometrue ... : @itstroyjensen

@therealjaredgilmore: After hearing about the end of OUAT, I was sad but also nostalgic … and as always hopeful. I was hit with a flood of wonderful memories. I want to thank Eddy and Adam for giving me the chance to bring Henry to life. I want to thank the cast and crew for watching me grow up and teaching me everything I know. I will never forget my time on OUAT it has shaped me into the person I am today. I have so many fond memories with everyone from the show. I’ll never forget the day I met Lana in casting or the first time I knocked on that door (you know which one). I feel like Henry and me are one in the same now, he has taught me so much. The show has touched so many people and I am honored to have been a part of that. I want to thank all of the fans for being so loyal and just fantastic! You’re all amazing, the series build a community I am proud to say I’m apart of. Thanks to the fans for always being there, for always watching, and believing. I hope the fire this series has lit will stay burning for years to come. What is dead may never truly die. Keep believing, always have hope, and let magic fill your hearts and OUAT will always live on. You are all fantastic, thank you for everything. It was a true honor to bring Henry to life, to bring magic to the world. I will never forget my time on OUAT. Though our paths may diverge, never forget your fairy tale friends. #OUAT

@joshtherealdallas: What a privilege it was for us to be your Snow and Charming. Thanks #ONCERS for seven years of magic. We thank you from the bottoms of our hearts. We will always find you. Love us. @onceabcofficial @abcnetwork#ginnifergoodwin #season7 #grateful#seriesfinale

@colinodonoghue1: To everyone, I have had and will continue to have the most amazing experience playing Hook on @onceabcofficial until we wrap Season 7! Thank you so much for the support and laughs over the years! You are the best. Much love, Col #oncers #hookers #onceuponatime

@colinodonoghue1: What can I say! Thank you Oncers, Thank you Eddy and Adam, Thank you @onceabcofficial!! I love Hook! I will miss him! Much love, Col

@emiliede_ravin: From my first day on this magical set 7yrs ago (pics) I fell in love with this incredible cast & crew, & shortly after with our incredibly devoted & loving fans #oncers. Thank you to everyone for having me along for the ride of a lifetime, & to @adamhorowitzla & @jollychan4 for creating this special version of Belle for me. So much love, Em xoxo #Belles #rumbelle #onceuponatime @onceabcofficial #robertcarlyle #firstbelleselfie #firstrumbellepic @robcarlyle_

@emiliede_ravin: 1. Tonight... #onceuponatimefinale

@robertcarlyle_: 2. Yes, tonight..

@emiliede_ravin: 3. Happily Ever... #onceuponatimefinale #rumbelle#robertcarlyle @onceabcofficial

@robertcarlyle_: 4.. After

@robertcarlyle_: 5. For Ever..

@emiliede_ravin: 6. ...And Ever. #onceuponatimefinale #robertcarlyle #rumbelle @onceabcofficial

@bexmader: Grateful. This is the first word that comes to my mind when I think of #onceuponatime This role of #Zelena came to me at a time in my life when I needed it most. The show came in and scooped me up in its arms and took me on a journey I couldn’t have imagined. I have learned so much as an artist but more importantly as a person. You, the fans have embraced me and made me feel loved and seen in a way that has changed me for the better. Zelena taught me how to be me. That no matter your past or your mistakes every day is a new opportunity to get back up, dust yourself off and keep going. Thank you Adam and Eddy for giving me the gift of playing the Wicked Witch. Thank you all for watching and being there all the way. So much love. Today and forever 💚#mypretties

@bexmader: Dearest You, thank you for watching our show. I will eternally be grateful for this blessing of portraying Zelena. For the rest of my life I get to say I used to be The Wicked Witch! How lucky am I? So many memories. So many lessons. My biggest take away from Once Upon A Time is the realization that every day is a chance to start over. It’s not an Ending. It’s a Happy Beginning. And it is ours. I love you #mypretties Forever, Bex @vfxsup#wickedalwayswins #staywicked#thistooshallpass

@iamseanmaguire: Sad to hear that Once upon a time is coming to an end. It was a great honor playing Robin Hood. I will cherish the incredible friendships I have made and always be indebted to the incomparable fans around the world who have given me so much. I wish love and the best of luck to everyone on their new ventures. @OnceABC @onceabcofficial

@iamseanmaguire: As the last episode of Once upon a time airs tonight. Just wanted again to thank all the cast crew writers and creators. And to the fans of the show the world over thank you for the love and support.

@andrewjwest: Thank you to the fans of Once Upon A Time. You graciously welcomed me into the OUAT family as a new version of a character that you have loved for many years, and for this I am forever grateful. I also love this character, and I’m so excited for you to see where this journey will take him and his family over the final twelve episodes. So happy to have been a part of such an epic and long-lived tale. See ya in a few weeks. #march2nd #onceuponatime

@andrewjwest: It’s been a great honor to take this ride through the final season of #onceuponatime with you. Much thanks for all the love and support. And now tonight we see where this story leads... #seriesfinale

@andrewjwest: A little BTS from the finale. Hanging at Granny’s, yet another version of Hook, Bobby creepin, and last shot by @raphaelsbarge capturing worlds colliding. #onceuponatime #hopeyouenjoyed

@gilesmatthey: What an honor to have worked on such a wonderful show that many had previously worked so hard to create. Thank you to those people, Crew , writers, actors and of course the fans for allowing me to hop aboard to play Gideon. I will look back with such fond memories on my time. Think this bts pic is brilliant. Always room for a laugh ! @onceabcofficial@abcnetwork @adamhorowitzla#cheersmuchlovegoodnight!

@robbiekay71: So honoured and grateful to have been a part of the wonderful creation that is #OnceUponATime. An unforgettable journey. Adam and Eddy, thank you for giving me the opportunity to put a fresh take on the legendary Peter Pan. To all of you that have watched the show, thank you. You are a special group of people and the show is so incredibly lucky to have fans as brilliant as ours. Lots of love 💚

@karendavidofficial: Well it was one amazing magic carpet ride that I will cherish for years to come!! Truly blessed to have been a part of @onceabcofficial and welcomed by such a lovely and supportive cast and crew. Congrats @adamhorowitzla and @jollychan4 for making such a special show for 7 years, crossing borders, and touching hearts around the world. Thank you gents and @abcnetwork a million times over for making a childhood dream come true playing Jasmine. To the amazing #OUAT fandom, thank you for welcoming me into the family and embracing my Jasmine/Shirin. Grateful for your love and kindness! #ouat Photo with wonderful @colinodonoghue1 S6 Thanks @vfxsup for capturing such a lovely moment in between takes! Xo

@karendavidofficial: It was only befitting to save this photo with dear Ginny for tonight’s series finale of @onceabcofficial As many of you know, my first day on set, back in season 6, started with this beautiful human being. I could not have hoped for a more warmer and loving welcome and the new beginning of my #OUAT journey in any other way. After filming a whole day with this lady, I felt at home. Love you, Lady G! Bless your heart for your heaps of kindness and giving soul. • Thinking of the whole gang, @adamhorowitzla and @jollychan4 on what I know will be a fantastic final episode. Congrats!!! What this amazing bunch have created will surpass time and will always connect us all. I feel so honoured to have been a part of it in S6. Thank you again to all the fans, who embraced #Jasmine and I. It means so much and is a chapter of my life that I will hold dear to my heart. This isn’t farewell. We will always have 7 seasons worth of memories to cherish. Love you all! #oncers #oncersforever

@officialmeghanory: Thank you #onceuponatime & #oncers for a wonderful adventure. Man will I miss that cape and Ruby’s wild hair! #littlereds i sadly won’t be in the finale because of scheduling conflicts but I wish I could have been there. Can’t wait to see what magic is spun #fairytales#littleredridinghood

@thereelbeverley: Bye bye Once Upon a Time. You will be missed. Especially by me. Love to all our amazing, loyal fans, and to our superb cast, crew and production team. We made magic!!! Onward down the yellow brick road

@thereelbeverley: Bye OUAT You gave me an amazing 6 years I cant thank you enough for this experience..our loyal fans that kept us going..the superb writers,production team cast and crew to all. Off to other magical adventures #OnceUponATime #OUAT #OUATCancelledParty

@raphaelsbarge: And then there was one... the LAST one. #endofanera @onceabcofficial #onceuponatime So grateful for this last 7 years on a truly magical show. #momentusoccasion

Raphael’s Farewell Photoset

@keegolicious: Well...can’t help but feel Blue to hear the news. What a magical ride, thanks for having me along @adamhorowitzla @jollychan4. Much love to all you wonderful #Oncers that I have met around the world. #onceuponatime

@keegolicious: Back to the beginning... My first fitting as the Blue Fairy, my little one was only 3 months old. So much has passed in those years, and I am grateful for all the good things that came from being part of #onceuponatime. Thanks to the most ardent fans whom I’ve had the chance to meet around the world. Thanks for 7 years of being your #bluefairy. May love, hope and magic always find you.

@roseareyn: It has been an absolute joy working on this season of @onceabcofficial. Cast/crew/everyone you are family; thank you. And thank you to everyone who took that leap with us and came for the ride. You are wonderful. See you March 2nd for the last twelve episodes. Love.

@roseareyn: I was new, didn’t know what was going on and I was taken in to the oncer world. I really appreciate it, thank you. Here’s my best bud, who taught me a lot along the way. @onceabcofficial #alice #nobin #knightrook

@realmerrindungey: What a glorious #Oncein a lifetime opportunity. Forever grateful and I will love these fans forever.

@realmerrindungey: It was an honor and a privilege to serve as one of the #QueensofDarkness on #OUAT. Much love to the incredible fans, the cast and crew, and for everyone who embraced me as Ursula. #seadevil #

@victoriasmurfit: Night night gorgeous @onceabcofficial What a magical place it was to be. #Cruella

@ChristieLaing: Congratulations to the entire cast and crew of @OnceABC on your amazing seven years. It was such a huge blessing to be part of your story and thank you to the fandom for your continued support @AdamHorowitzLA @jollychan4

@christielaing_official: Working with the cast and crew of Once Upon A Time was an absolute blessing. No doubt a highlight of my career. Thank you, to the fandom for the continued support. And to the cast and crew for your hard work and friendship. Farewell #OUAT it was an honor to be a part of it all.

Christie’s farewell photoset

@jasonburkart: Storybrooke was home for some of the best cast, crew and fans! My visit was brief but unforgettably magical! #OUAT #onceuponatime #ABC #Disney#LittleJohn #7seasons #happyending@iamseanmaguire @lparrilla@joshtherealdallas @colinodonoghue1@christielaing_official

Jason’s farewell photoset

@daniajramirez: Thank you @adamhorowitzLA and Eddy Kitsis for their incredible talent and imagination. You have the ability to make nonbelievers believers by simply allowing us to enter your mind through your scripts. Thank you for allowing me to come play in your magical kingdom! I will never forget my time on @onceuponatime and I will forever be grateful to you both and @abcnetwork@abccasting for having such an open mind in your diverse casting choices and allowing me the opportunity to be your #latina #cinderella. It is such a joy to bring her to life and I am honored to be a part of such an amazing cast. To all the cast and crew members of season 7, I have loved every moment we have shared on screen and most importantly off. You are all one of the most talented group I have had the pleasure of working with and one of the most fun and genuine group I’ve spend time with. Finally to the fans, please know that we have the 2nd half of the season to share with you and we look forward to being back on your screens March 2nd! Thank you for your continued support and loyalty to a show that has been yours for 7 seasons. Many thanks to you all for sharing this time with me respectfully. I feel so blessed to have my children, family and friends live this life knowing as a latina woman I got to play a #badass #cinderellafor @disney #womenrock @adamhorwitzand #EddyKitsis You have changed my life forever. #happyendingsarereal #theamericandream

@daniajramirez: This will Always be the most iconic surreal moment! Thank you all for taking this ride with us. Forever #Cinderella@onceabcofficial finale @adamhorowitzla@edwardkitsis

@tvalisononset: Tune in tonight as I get to hang out with the royal family in an epic adventure with an epic ending! Don’t miss it!#seasonfinal # #seriesfinal#onceuponatime #LucyMills #goodbye #epicstory

@tvalisononsetThey say you are who you walk with... I’m walking with epic, awesome, and Heavenly! I will miss this show so much but I’m so glad it was! Thanks to all the fans that made it happen. “Love you all” 💖💋🎉🤗✨🎬

Alison’s Farewell Photoset

@mekiacox: It’s not everyday you get to live out your childhood dreams, yet being a part of this show has allowed me to do just that. Princess Tiana has and always will have a special place in my heart. Thank you to @edwardkitsis and @adamhorowitzla for allowing me to bring this role to life. And thank you to the fans for accepting me into your family. OUAT FOR LIFE!! ❤️😍😘❤️#oncersforever #princesstiana#onceuponatime

@yael_yy‪: As the series finale of @onceabcofficial comes closer, I want to thank all of you for your constant support. I had a wonderful time being a part of this loving family! These memories will stay with me forever. Enjoy the last episode and don't be sad that it's over, be happy it happened‬ 💕

@emmalovesluna: Thankyou OUAT for opening me up to an incredible and absolutely divine bunch of actors who are now like family and make me laugh more than anyone I know..... this show is magic !!!!! And I can’t wait to come wrap up my time in Vancouver soon.... what a blessing.... I have learnt so much on this show!!!! Not only has it changed me as a person, I have developed an incredible and undeniable love for the shows fans..... you too have become like family to me.... . So take the magic with you always my evil witches ... or shall I say WARRIOR WITCHES ... you got this.... and may you never be the same..... .. @vfxsup. . . #ouat #love #evilwitches #humbled

@emmalovesluna: To new beginnings and endings.... Sending viral hugs to you oncers as I know the end of the show last night was a super- colossal event for many of you.... Oh, and THANKYOU so much for having me on the ride ✌🏼...✨🔮✨... . . . . #hollywood #earthporn #beautifulearth#ouat #thankyou #oncers #evilwitches#warriorwitches

Emma’s Farewell Photoset | Video

@therealdanielfrancis: All adventures come to an end, and this @onceabcofficial was truly a great one! Loved diving into the #ouat world, bringing #drfacilier to life and more importantly sharing the story with all the fandom, you are truly AMAZING! Thanks to @adamhorowitzla, Eddy Kitsis and the whole cast & crew for your hard work and creativity! And thank you #robertcarlyle and @lparrilla for the in-person masterclasses #legends

Daniel’s farewell video

@freyatingley: Wow! End of an era! Thanks so much to the fans of @onceabcofficialfor being such fierce devotees!! It was an honor to be your Wendy Darling!!! And thanks to @abcnetwork for creating such a hit!!! #oncers @emmalovesluna@roseareyn @meeganeloise

Faustino Di Bauda/Sleepy

@jakobdavies: It's been a great seven years thanks @onceabcofficial @adamhorowitzla

Jakob Davies/young Pinocchio

@captaingauthier: Some great memories, great times and most of all great fans! Thanks @onceabcofficial@colinodonoghue1 @1michaelcoleman@leearenberg @thereelbeverley@karendavidofficial @therealjaredgilmore@raphaelsbarge @gilmckinney

@captaingauthier: And thus we reach the end of another journey. I’m so grateful to the cast and crew of this show. All of which treated me so well and allowed me to stretch and “play” as an actor. Being a peripheral character it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle but not with this cast; it was a treat to come to set! I will miss antics on the Jolly Roger (on sea and on hydraulics), hanging out at the GVRD (Despite the lack of cell service) and all the other place we went! I’d like say a huge thanks for having me for 6 years (it was only supposed to be one episode). But mostly I want to say thanks to the fans that I have had the pleasure to meet at cons around he world. You truly are the best fans. Thank you so very much! Enjoy the final show.

@captaingauthier: The wardrobe.... #Smeeyoulater

Chris farewell photoset

@joanametrass: Guinevere and being a part of OUAT was one of the most awesome experiences not only of my career but of my life! Thank you @adamhorowitzla and @jollychan4 for the opportunity, for creating such an amazing show and bringing such a group of incredible people together! I never worked on a production like @onceabcofficial where every single person that was part of the project was amazing, and kind and welcoming! Thank you also to @veronicacronney for the opportunity to go to the casting that got me this part. Thank you to all the #oncersfor all the continuous love and welcoming me in the family. Congratulations to all of you that made this show so incredible ❤️ I miss all of you and i miss my Guinevere 💕💕💕#guinevere #ouat #ouatseason5 #oncers #storybrooke #camelot #ouatabc #ouatcast

@joanametrass: To some of the best times of my life. To one of the things I am most grateful for. To the show of my heart. To one of the greatest opportunities I have been given! Thank you @onceabcofficial and everyone involved! Thank you #oncers for making it possible! #ouat #abc #guinevere #california#actress #losangeles #hollywood#lastepisode #seasonfinale

Gil McKinney/Prince Eric

Charles Mesure/Black Beard

Sara Tomko/Tiger Lily

OUAT Finale Party

Woke up to this news from my friend.. Really upset about the end of this series as I’ve been watching since 2012.

I was pleasantly surprised by this new reboot/spin off/sequel season 7, wasn’t expecting much since most of the main cast was leaving, but this season was better than I thought.

Sad to see it coming to an end, since OUAT always gave me so much hope and positive vibes. Another magical world to escape to when I was in a dark place. This show brought me light.

But I guess, all good things must come to an end, right?

So thank you for all the lessons and quotes, and I can’t wait for the final episodes in March. This will definitely be a series I’d rewatch again in the future.

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