#which honestly bugs the shit outta her

[raddest-laddest]

i did the thing

[lesvegas]

FNV Quest Mods That Don't Suck

I know I've made modlists before but talk of DLC-sized mods made me want to make another. Big, DLC-sized quest mods are nine times outta ten messy, poorly-made and poorly-written, feel like they should've been fo3 mods, or have numerous other qualities that are detestable to normal people with taste. I've played most of the popular ones and hate nearly all of them. Here are the ones I actually can recommend.

Note: I also highly recommend having a proper modding setup before installing any of these. Everyone and their mother has already recommended the Viva New Vegas guide before because it works and it's beginner-friendly.

Allow me to spare your dash by putting this list under a cut.

"DLC-sized" Quest Mods

Boom to the Moon - A quest where you go to the moon (yes, really) to find out what happened to a man's wife. I promise it's way better than I could possibly describe. Honestly I recommend almost all of Jokerine's mods for her attention to detail and all the cool shit she makes. This quest mod doesn't even end with the moon trip, you'll also get the best-written mod companion I've ever seen. Seriously please give this one a try if nothing else on this list.

Autumn Leaves - A murder mystery in an archival library vault inhabited by Protectrons. Story so good Bethesda stole it to make a fo4 DLC. No combat, no need for weapons or companions. WARNING: if you suck at navigating vaults like I do you may have a bad time finding stuff (there's a walkthrough in the files). Also some of the lines are a bit odd because the author's first language isn't English. Also one character is a bigot in every way possible because he's intentionally designed to be as punchable as possible. Despite all of this it's still easily one of the best quest mods I've ever experienced.

Unfortunately, making quest mods DLC-sized in general leaves ample opportunity for shit to get messy fast, so honestly your best bet for quest mods is smaller scale, vanilla-feeling mods. So while I highly recommend the above mods, I'd recommend the following ones even more for a more seamless experience.

"Vanilla-feeling" Quest Mods

The Collector - A quest given by a broker in which you collect debts from gamblers. Similar to the Atomic Wrangler quest Debt Collector.

Caravan Tournament - Do you suck at Caravan? Skill issue. Play this anyway and tell me how it feels to lose because I'm sure it's just as interesting as winning but I'm too good at Caravan to to see it for myself. If you get good you get to see a tiny Robobrain wearing a hat.

Working On The Chain Gang - A Powder Ganger Quest Mod - Okay, technically this makes a second faction of Powder Gangers that aren't affected by your reputation with the vanilla Powder Gangers (so yes, even if they hate you, you can experience this mod). These new Powder Gangers reorganize themselves into a legitimate faction that blends seamlessly into the Mojave NPC ecosystem.

The Moon Comes Over the Tower - This one is technically cut content, but that just means it's peak vanilla-feel. Restores the rest of the quest where Emily Ortal asks you to bug Mr. House's network in which you actually have to travel to places to do it.

Okay, these ones are silly, but trust me

Among Us But It's Fallout - It's a vault with a murder mystery you get to solve! Memes aside it's honestly really well done and you should try it.

The Hollander Hotel and Casino - For a quest involving a haunted hotel (no jumpscares, don't worry), this one feels a little goofy at times, especially with The Shining references and the guy outside selling nothing but 500 bottles of Sunset Sarsaparilla. But you should give it a try anyway.

Legion Quests

Haven't done a Legion run not because you don't like being a bad guy, but because the Legion route feels lacking? Try some of these.

Legion Quests Expanded - Adds more Legion quests and expands several vanilla quests.

A Golden Opportunity - Legion El Dorado Quest - A quest where the Legion goes in and shuts down the NCR's El Dorado station.

Five Card Ante - A Legion Quest Mod - A quest parallel to Three Card Bounty in which you get to eliminate the NCR's First Recon.

Yes I Would Actually - A Legion Quest Mod - You know how Bitter Springs has three quests you can do for the NCR? Well, now you can do them for the Legion instead. You can even recruit help from the Great Khans to fuck the NCR's shit up.

[scaryscarecrows]

My Feet Have Led Me Straight Into My Grave

AN: ‘Roots and Leaves’. Title from Paper Route’s ‘Glass Heart Hymn’.

* * *

Gotham being Gotham, it takes a lot to stick out. You have to work at it.  So Dove, in the middle of a conversation with what she privately suspects is the Missing Link, good God, engage your brain, sir, doesn't clock the weirdo on Sunshine. Not until he very nearly runs into her and she has to hop aside.

Instinct says to cuss him out. Instinct gets slapped down when she sees who it is.

The brand is hard to miss and impossible to mistake. Once she sees that, she sees the rest of him; mud, plant bits, bugs, a blank expression that says he's running on autopilot. Fear toxin? Concussion?

“I'll call you back,” she says, hangs up before the Link can argue. “Kiddo. Kid, what the hell?”

He doesn't seem to register her until she gets a good grip on his arm, and then he flinches and shudders back to reality, eyes wide and spooked.

“No–”

She yanks her hand back before he can panic further. He doesn't bolt, but he looks about to.

“Hey, hon, what's goin' on?” Something, clearly, and fuck, if they've got a new crazy running around...the Gravedigger or something stupid... “You okay?”

Stupid question. He doesn't answer it, either, and right about now Dove remembers that Crane is out of Arkham. Last she heard, he’d holed up in the Narrows, which is across town, but…

“You didn't run into Scarecrow, did you?”

Silence, but he shakes his head, slow and unsure. They'll table that for now.

“C'mon, you're gonna get hit by a bus.” He doesn't move and she nervously gives his sleeve a quick, firm tug. “Hood.”

He follows her, shuffly and slow, but sticking close enough for her to make sure she doesn't lose him in the crowds. Christ...what's going on around here? He's not--he's unarmed, helmet nowhere in sight. He honestly just looks like a normal person that got caught in the crossfire; jeans, jacket, t-shirt.

Fucking Batman...fucking bullshit…

Hood's dead silent for the walk, save for his gasping breaths. Something bad happened, it must have, this isn't like him. And what's with all the yard shit? It's almost like he fell down a hill, but…

“Okay,” she tells him, once they're in her apartment with the door locked, “stay here. Just a second, okay?”

He doesn't answer, but he doesn't run, and she figures he'll be fine while she drops her purse and gets the lights on and all that.

Okay...she'll try her best to get him cleaned up, but not with her good white towels, with the dark blue ones that hide stains. Get the bathroom rug outta the way...glass of water, just in case...there. All set.

He's hasn't budged since she left him, but a little nudge has him moving again, arms held close to his sides and shoulders hunched like he's trying to shrink. That ship, Dove thinks wryly, has sailed.

It had been, really, a relief, to find that out. Robin had been small, small, small. Joker was a tall man, deceptively strong, and he would have been able to pick the kid up. Hood's nearly unrecognizable now, but the one of the first things Dove had thought, in a fit of shock and I thought you were dead, had been, let's see you fuckers hurt him now.

“Here we go, just siddown and we'll--Jesus Christ.”

Now, in stark lighting, the mud and bugs and leaves make sense. Hood's hands are filled with splinters, cheap wooden shards that jut out in all directions. Several nails have been ripped off and his clothes are dirty and torn.

Someone tried to bury him.

Dear God.

“Okay, hon, just... just don't move and we'll get these out, okay? Just stay still.”

He doesn't so much as wince when she starts removing the splinters, even though several of them go deep between his knuckles and Dove is well aware of how painful missing fingernails are.

She's maybe halfway done with his right hand when he pulls away, tumbles off the toilet to his knees and shoves the lid up. Before she can do anything, he's retching, body heaving as he spits up...grime. Gritty brown bile with bits in it.

Comfort him? Don't touch him?

Water. She brought that water glass in, now's the time for that.

He finally stills and silences, slumped over the bowl and gasping for air. His hands are bleeding where they're gripping the sides, red trickles drying against the porcelain, and she hesitantly reaches over him to hit the flusher.

“Rinse your mouth out,” she says, moving the glass towards his lips. “C'mon, that shit can't stay there.”

That takes three or four rounds and a refill at the bathroom sink, but finally he collapses against the bathroom wall, eyes half-shut. When he stays there, Dove runs a corner of a towel under the water and scrubs it carefully across his face before rubbing it over his hair, dislodging more dirt and plants and a couple of bug parts.

Jesus. Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on?

“Be still for me," she says. "Okay...let's just…”

There's a lot of splinters. Every time she thinks she's got them all, another one is there. But finally she's got one hand done and Hood's breathing is a little less frantic.

“What the hell happened?” she asks him, because if someone's going to come looking, she'd like to grab her gun. If he doesn't answer, she'll just go get it–

“Harley,” he breathes. “Harley Quinn, she--I--I didn't know she was there, I didn't, Sheila said it was safe an' I--I swear I didn't know–”

Dove does not know a Sheila, but Hood’s starting to get worked up and it’s for the best to head that off.

“Okay, okay,” she soothes. “Okay. Is Harley going to be looking for you?”

“I don't–” He swallows. “I don't think so.”

She hates to ask, but she has to.

“Is Sheila?”

He shudders and curls in on himself.

“No,” he whispers. “No, no, no, she's dead, I didn't--I didn't know, I didn't mean–”

Who was she? Sounds to Dove like she might have, frankly, fucked around and found out, but Hood’s upset, head tucked against his knees to try to muffle his sobs, and maybe it’s best to just let that go for now.

“Okay, honey. Okay.”

She's partway through his right hand when he sniffles and rasps, voice thick, “I tried to save her. Honest, I did.”

Dove has no idea what's gone on, or who Sheila is, but she knows Robin. Knows he's telling the truth.

“It's not your fault, sweetheart,” she says. “Now be still, we're almost done here.”

THE END

[cloudyswritings]

Honestly I think he should’ve just retired to hang out with Monomon and do fucked up things in the archives( although the environment there is probably awful for him cause she just showed up one day and terraformed that shit). Like he’d be so much happier and WL would just be happy he’s out of trouble so she can actually rule the kingdom(which she’s pretty good at I think)

And yes the babies are doomed either way, like PK despite loving mortals so much has no idea how biology works and also basically knows nothing about how he works either. WL isn’t great at it either tbh like she’s better but her understanding boils down to how trees and fungi link up to care for eachother all the way into adulthood via roots and mycelium sharing nutrients and thoughts and she can’t just do that to them. She tend to still be like a very smothering parent though? Like vessels all have the sort of wanderlust that wyrm instincts create that tells them to get the hell outta doge before their parents/sibs try eating them but also they all need eachother and love eachother and neither parent has any idea how to take care of them. Except Herrah, who basically is their drunk aunt, but also understands yk normal development for mortal bugs and how teenagers want independence so she kinda gets it.

I love watching PK fail so, like you go you little weirdo, go forth and fuck everything up again we all love you for it. But also I need to shake you till the marbles lodged in your brain drop out.

MAGNETIC BABY,,,,, 100% canon to all my versions of Hollow now.

Wyrm Lore/Biology: weird little freaks

y’all know the drill! This one’s gonna be a bit shorter tho cause I’ve done lots on Wyrms before.

Lore:

There’s a couple different of creation myths amongst Wyrms. The first story goes that the first Wyrms were born when the primordial god of Hunger died, the first Wyrms were born of the lowliest of creatures who ate of Hungers corpse, upon eating him they grew and grew and as they did so too did their appetites until they scoured the land clean of life and created the wastes we know today.

The second regard pale beings, and specifically pale Wyrms, it says that as Hunger fell some of his fangs were knocked loose and fell into the caverns below. These fangs were brilliant and shining, and in time were worshiped, turning into the first Pale Wyrms.

The final one suggested that when Hunger was killed his guts spilled out into the world, and began to chase after his killer becoming Wyrms in the process.

All of these are equally plausible, though the Pale King personally cleaves to the last myth and knows how pale beings currently come into being.

Biology:

They have and endo and exoskeleton, in a manner similar to tortoises and ocean sunfish. Their exoskeleton is made of a mix of chitin and various mineral and metals they’ve consumed over their lives.

They have several hearts, and occasionally grow more as they gain length.

They can’t clone themselves when split however, and only the front half of the wyrm survives in the very rare circumstance that they’re split.

Wyrms produce an extremely potent stomach acid that helps dissolve rocks and minerals. Additionally Wyrms have a series of specialized channels and organs that help bring some of this acid up to coat their burrowing and throat teeth, this is part of how they can burrow through dense stone with ease.

This acid is obviously more efficient when used on reactive stones. Because of this young or weakened Wyrms generally prefer regions composed primarily of carbonate minerals and limestones.

because of this mother Wyrms can usually be found nesting in karstic regions

Wyrms are actually fantastic swimmers, partially due to necessity. Wyrms must always be prepared for the possibility of burrowing into a void pocket, flooded cave, or aquifer. Because of this Wyrms also have several adaptations to deal with being submerged, including the ability to take in oxygen through their cloaca(look up snapping turtles, you can’t make this shit up 💀)

That said Wyrms don’t like being wet at all, and too much humidity can cause molting issues in young Wyrms.

Wyrms generally don’t dream, and also struggle greatly with using essence and other dream related abilities, this is because they are largely beings of the physical world.

[colormeyondublue]

First fic ever! Honest feedback time!

This is my first ever fan fiction and I want your complete honesty. If you love it, great! If you hate it, that’s totally fine! If you have any tips or suggestions for a first time writer let me know!

Secrets: Yondu x Reader

A/u where Yondu survived Ego, and the guardians are still aboard the quadrant....

For a couple months now, Mantis could tell something was wrong with her best friend. You were always so cheery and up-beat. You would never tell her what was bothering you, no matter how much she asked. This was completely unlike you because you always told Mantis everything. She wanted to know what was making you feel and act so weary and tired. You seemed so stressed and the others started to notice too. Anytime someone would ask what was bothering you, you would just shrug it off and make something up. But the excuses were getting old.

“Come on y/n, I bet you would feel so much better if you just got it off your chest.” Peter poked you in the side as he bugged you about it for what felt like the millionth time. “Plus, I’m just super curious now. You’ve been sulking for weeks.”

“Just leave me alone Peter!” You snapped. You winced at your words and then took a deep breath. He was just trying to help. It’s not his fault you felt this way. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m just dealing with something personal right now, and I would prefer to do it on my own.”

You heard those signature clunking boots come through the doorway behind you, “Do what on yer own?” Yondu asked with his hands on his hips and a quizzical look on his face.

Yondu and Kraglin were still hanging out on the Quadrant with the Guardians since the events with Ego. They were in the process of getting a new ship and a new crew after Yondu blew their old crew to all hell.

“Nothing. It’s absolutely nothing, Yondu.” You were irritated. Yondu was the one person you didn’t want to push away, but you felt like you had no other choice. You tried to push past him and leave the room, but his large hand caught your shoulder.

He looked you dead in the face, and you turned your eyes from him. You couldn’t keep your knees in check if you caught those crimson eyes for too long. His voice was low, “Hey, we don’t do solo missions and we don’t work alone. Ya got something ya have to do, ya take someone with ya. Ya already know that.”

“This isn’t about some mission.” You kept your stare at the floor between your feet as you continued. “I’m not going anywhere, just - leave me alone.” You pulled your shoulder away and quickly returned to your bunk.

You walked into the cabin that you and Mantis shared, throwing yourself onto the bottom bunk in a huff. You let out a long sigh with your face in the pillow. You were too emotional to think straight. You’ve never felt so many conflicting emotions at once and it was driving you insane! If you didn’t vent soon, you’d explode. Nervousness, happiness, guilt...the list goes on. Nervous, because Yondu gives you butterflies to which the likes couldn’t be described. Happy, because you get to spend every single day around him...but on the other hand you feel guilty because you don’t want to put anyone in a weird position. He’s Basically Peter and Kraglin’s dad! His age didn’t bother you one bit, but you certainly didn’t want to ruin any family dynamics going on around the ship. You could accept the truth in your head, but saying it out loud was a whole other matter. The truth was, you had fallen in love. Stupid, annoying, nerve wracking, inconvenient, love. Everything about this situation was so messed up.

Part of you wanted to just give in and fall straight into the arms of the man you’d fallen for. The other half of you was screaming at you to keep your mouth shut. So far, the screaming side of you has been winning. You honestly didn’t think he would return your feelings, and you genuinely thought he was way out of your league. He was brave, strong, smart, cunning, and downright gorgeous. You were short, clumsy, a little curvy, and the weakest of the team. The only thing you had going for you (and the only reason you were able to join the team) was your incredible shooting abilities. Back on Terra, you were super talented with firearms. The transition from guns to blasters wasn’t too bad. You knew Terran guns inside and out. You were definitely a good shot, and you weren’t afraid of anything - except maybe your feelings for the Centaurian on board. Over your time with the guardians you got really good with intergalactic weapons, with some help from Rocket of course.

“Y/n..........Y/N!”

You jumped out of your thoughts, sat up in your bunk and looked frantically at Mantis who was eagerly trying to get your attention. “Are you okay?” She asked with a curious, yet concerned, expression on her face.

“Ugh, yes, Mantis. I’m fine. For the thousandth time, I’m just fine.”

“I don’t believe you. Something is wrong, and you leave me no choice. You mean a great deal to me, and I need to help. I am very sorry, but I feel I have to do this.”

Before you could get another word in, Mantis had her hands gripped around your wrist. Just as you began to pull away, her antennae glowed their bright yellow light and her eyes burst open to look at you.

“Mantis, please, you are my best friend in this entire galaxy. Probably in the entire universe - you cannot tell anyone!”

She stared at you, wide eyed. She couldn’t believe what she felt. So many emotions at once. It was such a surprise! Regardless, she was very excited for you.

“Y/n, this is so exciting! It is happy news. But, also confusing. You feel so many things. Why must this be a secret?”

“Because!” You shouted, a little louder than you intended. “Mantis, this isn’t what you think. If this gets around it could jeopardize the entire team. He may not feel the same way I do, and that would be a humiliating disaster. Look, if it helps, all you have to do is wait until Yondu and Kraglin are able to leave with their own ship and crew, and then once that happens you can shout it to the stars. Deal?”

A low, raspy voice travels through the doorway interrupting your conversation, “so, what happens when Kraglin and I get our own ship and leave?”

You and mantis snap your heads toward the door with nervous expressions. Yondu’s presence and voice sends a chill down your spine. Butterflies are bursting into a frenzy in your stomach. You both just stare at him, completely unsure of what to say.

“Well?!” He boomed. “Why ‘ave ya been acting so fidgety ‘round me lately? And wha’s sis ‘bout waiting fer me and Kraglin ta leave?”

Mantis looked at you, then back at Yondu, and back at you again. “Y/n, you know I care for you very much, and you are my best friend, but I think this is something you two need to talk about.” With that, she ducked past Yondu and fled the room.

You stood up and yelled at her as she ran, “THANKS BESTIE! I’LL GET RIGHT ON THAT!”

You turned to look at Yondu, who was still sporting that classic scowl he wears all the time.

“What?” You snapped. You seriously hated being so crass with him, but building walls was your specialty, and it was the only way to protect this weird little family you’d grown to love. If Yondu ever found out how you felt, it could all come crashing down. Not only could you lose him, but everyone else too.

He eyed you suspiciously, “Ya know, I only known you for a coupl’a months, and you don’t seem right. Mind tellin’ me what that’s ‘bout?”

“No.” You said flatly. “I have nothing to tell.” Heat was rising to your cheeks as you lied right through your teeth.

“Ya lyin’. You’s a bad liar ya know it?”

“I’m not lying.”

“Fine, if ya won’t tell me, I guess I’ll go pry the information I need outta poor little ol’ Mantis.”

“Leave her out of this! She doesn’t know anything.”

“Ah, so there is somethin’? I knew you was lyin’.”

You began to get defensive. “Yondu! UGH just stay out of it! I don’t need to tell you anything! I don’t want to tell you anything.”

Yondu turned his back on you as if he were going to leave. You felt a quick moment of relief until you heard the door slam shut and the bolt click into the door frame. Shit.

He turned to face you again, he took one large stride toward you, and now he was just inches from you. Those butterflies from earlier were trying to come up your throat, but it was getting so tight you could barely breathe. Your mouth was dry, and you swallowed hard to push them back down.

“Now, ya gonna tell me what I wanna know. Why’sit so important that Kraglin and I leave? You plannin’ somethin’?” His voice was intimidating and came out as a rumble. His words made you realize that, even after all this time with the Guardians, he still didn’t trust you completely.

You put on your best poker face and said, “No, I’m not planning something. Stop being paranoid. I would never hurt anyone on this team. Especially not you!” You froze at your last words. Damn it...maybe he won’t think too much into it.

His eyes blazed into yours for what felt like an eternity. You broke eye contact by rolling your eyes and scoffed, “Ugh - I don’t need this.” You tried to push past him and unlock the door, but it was no use. He caught your arm and pulled you back to him. His touch lit your entire body on fire.

“Ohhh ho, no ya don’t. You ain’t gettin’ outta this. Spill. Now. There ain’t no secrets on this ship.”

“But you aren’t the Captain here, Peter is.” You protested.

He shrugged and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Okay, yer right. I’m not the Captain here. But I am the one you’ll hafta get pass’ to unlock the door.”

“You’re so infuriating! Why are you even on this?! Why is this so important to you?!” You could feel yourself getting more and more defensive.

“I don’t like secrets.” Yondu said matter of factly.

Of course he doesn’t, you thought to yourself. He just dealt with a pretty nasty mutiny a few months ago. With a deep breath you relaxed, “Look, all I’ll say is this: I am not planning anything, I am not going to hurt anyone, and you really don’t need to worry. I’m going through some personal stuff and, like I told Peter, I just want to deal with it on my own.”

He pondered your words for a moment. “Fine.”

“Fine?” You asked.

“Yep, fine.” He turned to unlock the door and walked out, leaving the door open behind him.

That was definitely weird. He let it go just like that. It wasn’t like him to just let stuff go. You decide to keep to yourself for the rest of the day, buried in your thoughts.

Yondu, however, was not done with this. He waited a while before making his move. After an hour or so he went to find Mantis. She was up front on the flight deck chatting with Drax.

“Mantis, come ‘ere. I need to ask you somethin’.”

She looked at the Centaurian hesitantly. She stood and walked to him, fiddling with her hands. “Did you and y/n talk about what’s been bothering her? It was such a surprise to me, but I am very happy! I hope she will be happy too. You are a very good man.” She said discreetly.

Yondu just stared at her, totally lost. Mantis picked up on his confusion rather quickly. She began to fidget and shift nervously.

She leaned in and whispered softly so Drax wouldn’t hear, “She did not tell you? Oh, no. Well, I cannot tell you anything. I am her best friend and she is mine and I will not tell!”

Yondu lowered his voice as well, “Look girl, I’m juss as worried about ‘er as you are. All I’m askin’ is for a way to help.”

Mantis thought his words over, and hesitated. “I don’t know...she seemed very intent that you never find out. If she didn’t tell you, I don’t know if I should.”

“Come on girl, ya wanna make sure she’s alright, right? I thought you’s was friends. Besides, I sorta have an idea of what’s goin’ on anyways. Juss tell me.”

Mantis’s big, innocent heart won her over and she decided it would be best to tell him if it meant helping you.

“Y/n has been experiencing very much stress and anxiety because she likes you. More than likes you, loves you. There is very much love and sexual desire. She is nervous, excited, and happy, and angry, and sad, and feels guilty too. I felt it all right before you walked in on us talking about her conflicting emotions. It was very confusing. I certainly would not like feeling that way. She is afraid that if you found out, you would reject her and she would have to leave. But...I don’t want her to leave.” Mantis slumped her shoulders at her last words.

Yondu didn’t know what to say. You liked him? Loved him even? But why all that other stuff too? He had to find out. No more games, no more secrets. “Thanks girl, ya been a big help.” Yondu patted her shoulder and walked from the flight deck back to the bunking area.

Yondu sighed and knocked softly on the door. “Mantis, I told you I’m not talking anymore! I’m fine!”

The door quietly opened. “It ain’t Mantis.” Yondu said gently. “Can I come in?”

You sit up on your bunk and look at him, “Sure, feel free to lock the door while you’re at it.” You said sarcastically.

He grinned over his shoulder at you, and locked the door. “You and I gotta talk.”

You begin to panic, it’s happening. He knows, Mantis squealed. “What did Mantis say? I told her not to say anything!”

“Don’t blame her, it ain’t her fault. I made her tell me.” Yondu said with a sly smirk. “So - now that it’s out there, let’s talk.”

The butterflies were back in an instant and about to burst out of your mouth, but what came out instead was just plain sad, “Let’s just get this over with. You’re gonna tell me you know how I feel about you, and then I’m gonna say ‘yeah it’s true, I do like you - like a lot’, and then you’re gonna say, ‘well, sorry, I don’t feel the same way’, and then I’ll take that rejection and shove it way down into the depths of my soul. After that, you turn around and walk out, and I start packing. Okay, great. Are we done?” You stood up and walked toward your trunk that contained your belongings to hide your humiliation and distract yourself.

Yondu looked at you with slight surprise on his face and chuckled. “Uhh no. That ain’t what I was gonna say at all. What I was gonna say was, ‘m flattered. Truly. Women ain’t exactly chasin’ after me these days. I’m just a washed up ravager. No crew, no ship, and I ain’t as young as I used ta be.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he continued. “A pretty young thing like yasself shouldn’t be pinin’ over someone like me. I ain’t worth it.”

You snapped your head his direction and almost yelled, “EXcUSe ME?! Not worth it?! Do you even hear yourself?”

The Centaurian stood there, dumbfounded as you continued.

“Do you have any idea who you are?!” Here it comes - word vomit. You couldn’t stop, it all came pouring out like dumping water out of a bucket. “You are Captain Yondu Udonta. The fiercest Captain of the 100 Ravager Clans! You’re known across the galaxy! You have more experience in open space navigation, survival, and armed combat than I could ever dream of having. You’re incredibly strong, and cunning, and more charming than any man I’ve ever met. AND you’re just plain handsome. Not to mention that arrow of yours! Don’t ever sell yourself short, because you are more than worth it....if anything, I’m not worth it!

Before you could continue your rant, Yondu quickly stepped toward you, whirled you around and pulled you away from your trunk to kiss you passionately. His lips were the perfect combination of rough, yet soft. He tasted strongly of whiskey, and his hands roamed over your body until one twisted its way into your hair and the other pulled you into him by your waist. The kiss was open mouthed, hot, needy, and absolutely perfect. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him back desperately and you felt a little chuckle fall from his lips as he pulled away, leaving you breathless.

“Ya have no idea how long I’ve been wantin’ ta do that.” He said.

“How long?”

“A few weeks after Peter introduced us. Ya started ta really prove yaself with this group a misfits, an’ the rest of ‘em really took to ya. Including me. I never imagined ya’d be fond of someone like me.”

You both stood in your bunk area holding one another closely. “Well, I have to be honest, I didn’t expect this to happen in a million years.” You admitted.

Yondu pushed you to arms length to get a better look at you. “Why’s that?” He asked.

“Well I mean....look at me? I’m just a dumb little Terran. I’m weak and I barely know anything about space. I’m so new to it all, and I don’t exactly fit in around here. You guys have such incredible abilities and talents. I’m just...me. Terran. What I wouldn’t give to be like...I don’t know, Gamora. She’s breathtakingly beautiful and a total badass! I’ve been contemplating going back to Earth anyway because I just feel like I’m holding you all back.”

Yondu looked over your body and face admiringly and said softly, “I am lookin’ atcha, and none ‘a that’s true. I’m glad your here, and I’m sure as hell glad we met.” He grinned down at you, showing off those gold capped teeth. He leaned in to kiss you once more, deeply.

He pulled away lightly to whisper on your lips, “I can show ya everythin ya ever wanted to see, and teach ya everythin ya ever wanted to learn about bein’ out here.

I ain’t lettin’ you get away.”

[arhvste]

❝atsumu, kuroo, tsukishima and bokuto playing acnh ❞

miya atsumu

→ first he called the game dumb but he eventually gave in because everyone and their aunts were playing it and he didn’t wanna be left out

→ mf tries so hard for raymond at first

→ he insists it’s just because he can sell him for a lot

→ he really just wants raymond because he lowkey reminds him of osamu

→ anyways this fool doesn’t get raymond but ya know who he does get?

→ pedro

→ atsumu was ✨disgusted✨

→ “a clown?! a fukn clown?! yer jokin me!”

→ “aw don’t cry he fits in so well on your island 😹”

→ “sHUT YER TRAP 😠😠😠”

→ he hated pedro at first and for what?

→ eventually he starts vibing with him though

→ he decides that perhaps... pedro isn’t a bad guy after all

→ so atsumu develops a soft spot for him and begins to favour him over the rest of his mediocre villagers whose names he can’t be bothered to remember

→ ya know whose name he can remeber though?

→ BELLA 😡😠😡😠😡😡😠

→ the name that sparks rage in him

→ atsumu hits his villagers with his net shouting “nice cut g!” as a joke

→ with bella he’s not joking 😐

→ he hits her repeatedly and grins maliciously when she gets angry eventually

→ LOVES shoving her into pitfalls for absolutely no reason

→ cusses her out under his breath

→ writes hate mail to her only to get fustrated when she sends a nice reply about the flowers she saw the other day that reminded her of him

→ honestly bella girl it ain’t worth it, pack your bags and get outta there sis 😔

→ he wants her to get tf off his island because he doesn’t like her but he also kinda wants her to stay because he loves annoying her and making her angry

→ literally goes out of his way to buy the ugliest clothes for her to wear

→ he also has all his villagers address him as “big dick man”

→ pedro is special though 😳

→ pedro is the chosen one who gets to call him “tsumu”

→ JUST PEDRO 😤😾😡

→ literally thinks it’s the funniest thing when his villagers say “hey big dick man! the weather sure is great today isn’t it!”

→ you can hear his cackling from down the hall

→ thinks it’s the peak of comedy

→ oh and you’re not allowed to visit his island on a saturday

→ saturdays are “for the boys”

→ and by that he means he’s just going to buy a ton of matching clothes for him and pedro and talk to him all day until he eventually annoys pedro by accident to which he genuinely gets upset about

→ he doesn’t really bother with the fishing tourneys or bug offs

→ does catch a few though just to make sure he beats bella earns nook miles

→ pretty average island, not too much effort put into it yet

→ atsumu prefers channeling his energy and game time into bullying bella interacting with his villagers

kuroo tetsurō

→ bangs. it. tf. out.

→ literally acts like he doesn’t care about the game but has 395+ hours game time

→ uses the excuse it’s to play with kenma but kuroo actually got into it before kenma had the chance to look at it properly

→ fishing tourney KING

→ has multiple gold trophy’s and built a whole extension just to show them off

→ also treats all his villagers equally

→ he was a bit picky and only wanted cats and dogs on his island though

→ if you’re anything but a cat or a dog, i’m sorry but kuroo will timeskip you tf off of his island

→ has a soft spot for lucky but doesn’t admit it

→ he likes to come across as a “fair dictator of the island”

→ just admit luckys your fav and go oh my god

→ his house is really nice too

→ pretty much paid off all his debt and is financially responsible 😼

→ he will send you money over a few times a week because he claims he’s a good boyfie virtually and realistically

→ LOVES opening the letters from ‘mom’

→ it’s a small detail in the game but it brings kuroo comfort when he opens the letters and sometimes receives gifts from his virtual ‘mom’ 🥺

→ keeps all the letters from her because that’s what he would do if his real mom ever wrote to him

→ he’s a shameless timeskipper

→ “tetsu?? where tf did you get all this the games only been out a week??”

→ “👁👁 idk what you’re talking about baby”

→ the thing that annoys him the most are the fossils

→ HATES the stupid little marks in the ground that appear every day

→ also HATES talking to blathers

→ “spit it out already! i have places to be and villagers to see!”

→ completely ignores blathers’ real name and refers to him as ‘bokuto’

→ because he’s an owl duh

→ and bokuto also talks a lot

→ you thought it was a cute friendship thing at first but took it back when you heard him muttering under his breath

→ “oh my god just analyse the fossils already you himbo bird!”

→ “did you just call blathers a himbo? 😳”

→ “...no? 😳👀”

→ all in all, kuroo’s pretty good at the game

→ you like visiting his island because he has a ton of extra stuff he just gives you

→ “i never want to hear you call me a bad boyfriend again 😐”

→ “okay fine...but oNLY if you give me an ironwood dresser 😏”

tsukishima kei

→ another one who bangs it out

→ doesn’t really care when you point it out though

→ “you’re just jealous your islands a dumping ground compared to mine 🥱”

→ “k-kei 😔”

→ also sprints near where you’re fishing to scare the fish off and be spiteful 💀

→ little shit KNOWS you only need oranges to complete all the fruits on your island

→ he also knows you’re out of nook miles tickets

→ “aw that’s a shame, maybe if you were a bit better at the game you’d find them quicker but good luck! 😀”

→ oranges are his native fruit 😐😑😐

→ eventually he gives you them because you’re relentless and his patience runs thin after a while

→ good at the bug offs

→ pretty good at scorpion/tarantula hunting too

→ convinced spike is in love with him after the amount of scorpions and tarantulas he’s donated to him

→ his fossil exhibition in the museum is completed already

→ when blathers tells him the facts about the dinosaurs he just rolls his eyes

→ “i knew that already you stupid bird 🙄”

→ why’s everyone bullying blathers damn 😿

→ now, he likes henry

→ one of the few villagers he doesn’t bully

→ tsukki doesnt particularly care for majority of his villagers

→ henry has a special place in his heart though

→ maybe it’s because henry isn’t overly perky or he isn’t rude like the cranky villagers which tsukishima doesn’t like

→ henry is just??? so??? nice????

→ he can’t hate him

→ all his villagers have catchphrases that are dumb af

→ tsukki thought he was being clever when he made them but he just looks mean when other people talk to his villagers

→ “good morning i am useless! i love your outfit!”

→ henry gets to call him tsukki though

→ only because he figured out that henry reminds him of yamaguchi

→ that’s the only reason henry’s the exception to his bullying

→ i feel like tsukki has a pretty nice house too

→ he makes a lot of bells from selling scorpions and tarantulas and spare fossils he’s dug up

→ doesn’t really care about the size but has very detailed rooms

→ like all the furniture in his rooms follow a scheme

→ mf never opens his mailbox

→ doesn’t care for what the other “peasants have to say for themselves”

→ terraforming isn’t really his thing tbh

→ doesn’t like how slow the process and be and kinda likes the natural flat land

→ he likes laying down paths though

→ cusses villagers out when they get in the way though

→ full on shoves them and will keep shoving them until they get annoyed just because they’ve annoyed him

→ tsukki doesnt put as much time into the game as kuroo but his island is still pretty good and aesthetically pleasing

→ he just won’t help you make yours look like that 💀

bokuto koutarō

→ weeds. everywhere.

→ get so confused when he’s told he has to pick them all

→ “really? why can’t i just let them grow though i kinda like them 🤩”

→ mf ✨struggles✨ at the first stages

→ “y/n, you know i love you, please give me 30 iron nuggets 🥺💖💞💗”

→ ofc you give them to him because you’re well ahead in the game and don’t need them as much as he does

→ praises you like royalty but then he’s back to begging for materials from you 💀

→ doesn’t pay his debts

→ you’re gonna have to help him out here

→ doesn’t like the idea of having to constantly pay them off

→ like?? he doesn’t want a bigger house so why is this damn raccoon always bothering him to upgrade like leave him and his 2 room house alone 😠

→ has a the same camp bed and lamp from when he first moved out the tent 💀

→ insists he doesn’t need another one because the furniture all functions the same

→ he has a point tbf but his house just isn’t aesthetically pleasing

→ he also hoards stuff

→ common butterfly? yeah bokuto has 37 sitting in his storage

→ doesn’t like letting the bugs go because he “caught them fair and square”

→ you show him how to pay his debts back and then he dedicates a whole room to his stupid bugs 💀

→ loves blathers and celeste just because they’re owls

→ doesn’t care about what they’re wittering on about he loves interacting with them just because they’re the only owls in the game 😐

→ his favourite villager is kid cat

→ literally follows him around and sprints circles around him

→ l o v e s the chaos outside the town hall

→ 2 of his villagers are singing, 3 are running around and 1 is just watching like 🧍🏻‍♀️

→ HYPES his singing villagers tf up

→ “yeah get it bianca! turn it up!!! 🥳🥳”

→ has to match his villagers clothes at least once a week

→ also makes them all refer to him as “the best ace”

→ it boosts his ego a little more each time they say it

→ bokuto actually got raymond out of luck but had no idea who tf he was and just how popular he was

→ lets that mf go without advertising that raymond’s in boxes

→ atsumu screeches when he finds this out eventually

→ bokuto doesn’t care what his villagers look like everyone’s welcome

→ bella should move to bokuto’s island and move from atsumu’s because bokuto will accept her with open arms rather than a net to the head everytime he sees her 😿

→ ALWAYS remembers birthdays for his villagers

→ and always shows up to their birthday parties insisting he’s the life of the party and they’d be bored without him 😹

→ which is true to a certain degree cause the party only really starts when the player arrives

→ bokuto is actually okay at terraforming

→ quickly changes his mind after an hour of building and digging and restarts it all over again

→ he can make his island look pretty good

→ theres just weeds and buried fossils everywhere though 👁👁

→ also forgets his turnips go bad

→ literally the least financially responsible out of them all

→ it’s okay though because you help him and he eventually gets the hang of it

general taglist → @atsumuwoah @bloody-bella @bbymilkbread @miracleboy420 @doggonudez @atsunakaashi @peteunderoos @saturnfarie @toffees-main @zumisace @boosyboo9206 @totorosleaff @27kei

please send an ask to be added / removed from my taglist

ALL CONTENT BELONGS TO @KUROOSKULT ON TUMBLR 2020 PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, CHANGE OR PLAGIARISE

[phoebehalliwell]

4, 6, 8, 9, 17, 18, 19 (Warren Witches or the Coop/Phoebe rival to lovers fic), 23, and 24! I love ask games and always ask too many at once, sorry 😂

4: Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

I had started a um a Penny/Allen origin fic that involved Penny moving to San Francisco for the first time staying with her aunt bowen there was a familiar there a little cat but it just. i never really got around to it. there was also the phoebe's source baby fic but i'm honestly spoiler alert just gonna loop that in with my calling cupid one idk if that one's gonna be a dency origin story or if i'm going for a new source kids bc idk the source's heir?? what a fun little lad!

6: What are some topics you will never write about?

i mean like. i feel like the obvious one is incest bugs / honestly scares the everloving shit outta me how many chris/wyatt fics are there esp considering how few next gen fics are out there beyond that i don't really know ig i won't know where the line is til i find it but like. what the fuck is wrong with y'all wyatt/chris freaks lmao. y'all are bad people.

8: How do you develop your OCs?

god isn't that a great question. they possess me. but no fr a lot of them come from like. the notion of the bit. like. what would be funniest. like with warren and sheridan i mean they literally came about as a joke like lmao wouldn't it be funny if prue and jack had twins. and then i had a previous idea of the next gen kids world jumping and landing in a parallel universe where p3 still existed and they're like okay where are we gonna find the witches we need to find and then parker just points to a poster for a band called the w!tches like call it a hunch but. and i'm like i should use that. and then i said okay which name is less punk rock and i'm like no the idea of warren being in a rock band too cool it must be sheridan. and then i needed a band i specifically remembering calling my buddy rose who edits all my stuff and i formed the band with them on the line rose actually drew them as i spoke that drawing might still exist somewhere. and then for warren he needed to be not sheridan so initially i was thinking hotel management bc my mom almost majored in that and lets be honest its not very punk rock but i wasn't sold on it but then it's like. okay well i also have mentally illness so goes it. and so like sheridan you know. has a death wish. he's not gonna kill himself bc that's gonna depress everyone too much but he can't wait to die he needs to go down fighting so people can be like wow sheridan so brave gone too soon and then you don't have to worry about your future or getting better because your dead. #lifehack. btw if you think like this deadass you need to be in therapy. but. great character motivation. so if sheridan wants to die, warren should want to live. sheridan's got his plan he's gonna be in a punk rock band and then die young. warren wants to grow old but he doesn't know. what he's going to do. he studies history to better know the craft. he's going to get a graduate degree in it to better know the craft. (lie. he's getting a graduate degree because he's terrifies to move forward, to actually live his life. sheridan lives because he believes he's going to die tomorrow. warren doesn't. his actions have consequences, how is he going to move forward? so rather than attempt to do that, he stays in academia, he stays in stasis, because then he doesn't actually have to face his future.) so yeah. foils. lots of foils. if a is this, then b should be that in contrast. basically everything is formed out of relationships. parental, fraternal, plantonic, romantic, like. that's the meat of it. that and whatever's funniest.

9: Are there any fics you’d love to see but don’t want to write yourself? What are they?

that's a good question. i'm so bad at actually writing things. i really want to also do my prandy kids and the magical morrises and honestly shane and abel since one anon brought them back up I Love next gen kids but beyond that i'd love to see more phoebe/coop fics and paige/henry fics and also honestly phoebe/leslie and prue/jack and like more wildcard piper/kyle obvi lol paige/jinny. it's just. there's so much i Want to write but like. won't lol. i want to. but. know theyself. i probably won't.

17: What has been the proudest moment for you so far since you started writing?

idk man i'm really proud of how far i've made it in my next gen fic and honestly warren and sheridan too love those boys they appear in my dreams a lot. and it's like. this shit it's like almost at the length of a novel you know? and i'm just. i used to write a shitton as a kid i was never able to finish anything tho but with these i've made it so far and i feel like i've come so close and it's genuinely stuff that i personally enjoy reading and it's just. i went through a really long phase when you know #itsmentolillnussluv and i couldn't write so to be back adn to have these characters that live within me i just. isk it makes me happy.

18: Do you feel like your work gets enough recognition? What kind of feedback do you like to receive?

i mean. "recognition??" like probably. but i don't think it really gets seen as much as i would like it too bc you know. it's so niche. idk i do kinda wanna someday publish these stories you know w&s and dency and stuff bc i just. i like sharing stories. i like when people like my stories when they like my characters bc they're my little buddies it's like when you throw a party that overlaps your social circles and it goes really well and you just glow a little because everyone likes each other like <3. but no i love love love love love receiving comments on my work or when people are like can i use your characters in fics like omg that always means so much to me lol like i always try to make my stories you know stories that people can sit in that like. you know. like um wrap yourself in a blanket all cozy like or use that like as like a blanket fort with little fairy lights something fun and sweet and safe and like. idk. you know?

19: 15 words to describe the aesthetic of [insert fic].

lipstick stains on cheeks, rosy perfume, dizziness, soft lights, looking away when you laugh, love

23: What’s one piece of advice you would give to anyone who wants to start writing or posting their writing online?

just like. like it. like what you’re writing. and if you don’t like it. ditch it! write something you look forward to writing, something you wanna talk about, something that you like daydream about what you’re gonna do next with. like. bc it’s free man, aint nobody paying you to do this. so just do what you want to do. unless its writing incest fic. then you should just shut the fuck up and reflect.

24: Which fic of yours do you wish people would ask about more? Why?

idk all of them lol i Love to talk <3

[thelastspeecher]

Best Revenge

Figured I’d name this ficlet with the AU name that I decided upon earlier today and am very proud of.  This ficlet is a follow-up to the previous ficlet in this variation of my Superhero/villain AU, which you can read here.  Be prepared for some more reasons to hate Angie’s ex-husband.  Enjoy.

——————————————————————————————

              Max took a deep breath.  He got out of his car and slowly walked up to Lute’s house.

              Well, it’s Angie’s now, too.  After all, she moved in.  He knocked on the door.

              “Just a sec!” Lute’s voice called.  Max stifled a groan.  He’d been hoping that Angie would answer it.  Lute had hated his guts for years now and, since the divorce had happened, didn’t bother hiding it.

              Not like he hid it much ‘fore the divorce… The door opened.  Lute’s kind face promptly warped into annoyance.  He leaned against the doorjamb, crossing his arms.

              “An’ what exactly do ya want?” Lute asked snidely.

              “I just…I just want to talk to Angie.”

              “Hell, no.”

              “C’mon, Lute, we were friends fer years!” Max begged. Lute shook his head.  “I haven’t even seen her since she filed the papers.”

              “That’s fer a reason, Buster Brown.  She don’t want to see ya.”

              “I-”

              “Unless yer here to drop somethin’ off or pick somethin’ up, get back in yer car and leave,” Lute snapped.  Max straightened.

              “No.”

              “If I have to make ya leave, I will,” Lute said. Max couldn’t help the laugh that escaped.  “What?”

              “Lute, yer the most athletic of yer fam’ly, but that don’t mean much.  I know fer a fact that you wouldn’t stand a chance against me.”

              “Maybe not against his skinny little ass,” a voice said.  A strange man appeared in the doorway.  “But you’d have a hard time taking me out.”  The man smirked at Max.

              Shit.  He’s right.  The stranger was much bigger and bulkier than Lute, even more than Max.  No, calm down.  He could only take ya down if he’s a super.  And he could easily be a normie.

              “Oh, I should prob’ly introduce the two of ya,” Lute drawled lazily.  “Stan, this is Angie’s ex-husband, Max.  Max, this is Stan.”

              “Lemme guess.  He’s yer new boyfriend?” Max asked.

              “Nope.  Angie’s,” Lute said.  Max’s jaw dropped.  “Yeah, she fin’ly found someone who was more her league.”

              “She’s- she’s already moved on?” Max whispered.

              “Yeah.”  Stan looked at Max with pity.  “Honestly, man, it’d be best if you moved on, too.”

              “I-”  Max clenched his jaw.  “No.”

              “No?  Fine, fuck up your life, I don’t care,” Stan said with a shrug.  He turned around.  A rock flew into Max’s hand.  Max growled softly and threw the rock directly at Stan’s back.  With unnervingly fast reflexes, Lute caught it before it could hit.

              “All right, that’s it,” Lute snarled.  “Get off my property.”  Without waiting for a response, Lute shoved Max off the doorstep. Max lost his balance, falling to the ground.  He threw up a hand.  A chunk of rock erupted from the ground, forming a barrier between Max and Lute. “What the-”

              Dammit!  I shouldn’t have revealed that I’m a super.  Max got to his feet.  Better get out of here ‘fore-

              “I don’t think your ex-wife would appreciate how you messed up her garden,” Stan whispered from behind him.  Max slowly turned.  Stan jabbed at Max’s chest.  Max let out a gasp of pain.  The poke felt red-hot.  “Fix it, then get outta here.”  Max waved a hand.  The chunk of rock retreated into the earth.  “Good.  Now, leave, before Lute and I decide to pull that same trick and use our powers to intimidate you.”  Stan’s hair was smoking.  Between that and how it felt like Stan’s touch had burned him, Max could tell what Angie’s new boyfriend’s power was.

              He’s a pyro.  Of course he is.  Pyros suck.  Max’s own archnemesis, Flamethrower, was a pyro.  His mind suddenly registered what Stan had said.

              “Wait, Lute is-”  Max looked over at Lute.

              “No shit he is,” Stan scoffed.  “You know Angie is.  Did you really think her twin would be a normie?”

              “I-”

              “You’re fighting outside your weight class,” Stan said, talking over Max.  “Go home.” Max clenched his hands into fists. Something flew overhead.  Max looked up.

              “Was that-”

              “Yeah.  It was Angie. You were picking a fight to see someone who wasn’t even home,” Stan said shortly.  Max’s fury was wiped away.  His head hanging low, he walked to his car and got inside.

-----

              Stan watched Max drive away.  Lute came over.

              “He’s geokinetic,” Lute commented.

              “Yep.  And there’s only one geokinetic hero in this area.  Richter.”  Stan grinned. “Wanna team up against him next time we see him in his mask?”

              “Of course.”

              “What are you boys doin’ in the front yard starin’ at the street?” Angie asked.  Stan and Lute turned.  Like usual, she had landed in the backyard, then entered the house through the back door. Now, she stood in the front door, looking at them curiously.

              “Oh, nothin’,” Lute said.  “Just people watchin’.”

              “Hmm.”  Angie crossed her arms.  “Don’t know if I believe that, but whatever.”  Lute and Stan went inside, Stan kissing the top of Angie’s head on the way.

              “Coming in?” Stan asked.

              “Nah, I’ve got to weed the bluebells,” Angie said. “I’ll come in when I’m done.” Just as Stan closed the door behind him, leaving Angie on the doorstep, there was a shout.  “What happened to my garden?!”

-----

              It took a week before Lute and Stan had the opportunity to come face-to-face with Richter, aka Angie’s ex-husband.  He showed up at the outskirts of town, trying to stop them from a basic robbery.  Stan assumed it took so long because Richter was supposedly taking some personal time off.  He raised an eyebrow as he looked at Max.

              He shoulda spent a few more days on vacation. Even behind Max’s mask, his eyes were red and swollen.  Damn, he’s really head over heels for Angie, isn’t he?  Stan actually started to feel a bit bad, before reminding himself of what Max had put Angie through.  No, he doesn’t need your sympathy.  He kept trying to force Angie to have kids and quit her job.

              “You seem a bit under the weather, Richter,” Stan taunted, easily catching the rock that had been halfheartedly thrown at him. “Maybe you shoulda stayed home.”

              “Stayed home and had yourself some tasty chicken soup,” Lute added.  He hit Max over the head with a whip of water.  “I don’t really want to catch whatever bug you’ve got.”

              “I’m not sick,” Max said in a choked up voice. “I’m just- I’m going through some stuff right now.”

              “If you really were going through stuff, you wouldn’t be here, completely failing at beating us,” Lute said.  Max growled.  The ground Lute was standing on erupted, sending him flying.  “Son of a-” Lute shouted as he faded into the distance.

              “I was a fool to think villains might go easier on me when I’m in crisis,” Max spat.  “Only someone with a shred of humanity would care about my life falling apart.”  Stan snorted.

              “Sure, we’re the ones who don’t have any humanity,” he said.  “We’re not the ones controlling our significant others.”  Max froze.  He stared at Stan in horror.

              “What do you-”

              “I’ve made a lotta bad decisions,” Stan continued, ignoring Max.  “But not once have I tried to use a baby to trap the person I’m dating.”  Max clenched his hands into fists.

              “That’s not what happened!  I wouldn’t- I wasn’t-”  Max ground his teeth.  “You know who I am and why I’m a mess.”

              “Sure do.”

              “How?”  Max’s eyes narrowed.  “Angie.”  Stan marched up to Max and grabbed him by the collar. 

              “Don’t ever blame her, you piece of shit.  She’s a good person.  Too good for you.  I asked, but she wouldn’t say anything.”

              “Then how-”

              “You snitched, genius, when you used your power in front of me.”  Max’s eyes widened.

              “Yer her new boyfriend,” he whispered, no longer hiding his southern accent.

              “And circle gets the square,” Stan said coldly, letting go of Max.  Max brushed off his costume, glaring at Stan.

              “Was this some sort of scheme to get back at me?” Max demanded.  “Did ya seduce my wife to get her to divorce me?”

              “What?  That’s fucked up!  No!  I was in the right place at the right time to comfort her after you pissed her off.  Like I said, I didn’t know your secret identity until you had the fantastic idea to use your power in front of me.”

              “Hmph.”  Max crossed his arms.  “I can’t believe Angie would date a villain.”

              “You’d be surprised by what Angie would do when she’s not under someone’s thumb.”

              “She wasn’t- she-”

              “You tried to chain her to you with a kid!” Stan snapped.  Max snarled.

              “I did no such thing!  I just thought that we should get to havin’ kids quickly.”

              “Because then she wouldn’t be able to leave you.”

              “No, ‘cause then she would be more open to takin’ in Junior!” Max shouted.  Stan frowned.

              “Junior?”  His eyes widened.  He grabbed fistfuls of the front of Max’s costume and pulled him close.  “Buddy, are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you- are you saying you already have a kid?”  Max paled. “How the hell would you have a kid, if you and Angie have been dating since high school?  Huh?”

              “Let me go,” Max whispered.

              “No.  Tell me. Tell me you cheated on Angie,” Stan snarled.  Loose dirt flew up, blinding him.  He let go of Max to rub the grit out of his eyes.  To his surprise, when his vision was cleared, Max was still there.  “You shoulda left when you could,” Stan said. His hands burst into flames.  Max stood his ground.

              “If you say a word to Angie, I’ll tell everyone who ya really are,” he said calmly.

              “What makes you think I won’t spread your secret identity to all my coworkers?” Stan demanded.

              “If you did, Angie would never forgive ya,” Max replied.  Stan ground his teeth.

              Dammit.  He’s right.  It doesn’t matter how justified it would be.  She wouldn’t tolerate me snitching like that.

              “Fine,” Stan spat.  “I won’t tell Angie.”  Max nodded. “Leave, before I beat your ass into the dirt.”  Max smirked, then turned around and slowly walked away.  By the time Lute had finally rejoined Stan, the hero was long gone. “Took you a while.”

              “Unlike some folks, I can’t fly,” Lute said.  He brushed dirt off his costume.  “So, what happened?”

              “The guy’s even more of a douche than we thought.”

              “Really?  Why?” Lute asked.  Stan groaned.

              “I can’t tell you.  If I do, he’ll leak my secret identity.”

              “Wh- ya really showed yer hand, huh?” Lute said, putting his hands on his hips.

              “I wanted him to know who was kicking his ass and why.”

              “Still…”  Lute sighed. “So much fer the big revenge plan.”

              “Yeah…hang on.”

              “What?” Lute asked.  Stan grinned.

              “I promised I wouldn’t tell Angie.  I didn’t say anything about not telling you,” he said. Lute’s eyes widened.  “Who knows, maybe what I told you somehow reaches Angie. After all, you didn’t promise not to tell her.”  Lute grinned as well.  “Then she can kick his ass.”

              “Look, Stan, I agree that Angie should be the one to handle him, but it took this long fer her to just divorce him.  What makes ya think she’ll go after Max?”

              “He cheated on her and had a kid with some other woman,” Stan said flatly.  Lute opened and closed his mouth a few times.  After a moment, he nodded.

              “Yeah.  I think that might be enough fer her to finally kick his ass like she should.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #384

“watch your tongue or have it cut from your head”

Do you post to say happy birthday on other people’s walls? Sometimes. Depends on my mood and the person. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Idr. What’s your favorite television commercial? I don't watch TV enough at all to have one. And who has a favorite commercial, anyway? Do you trip a lot? I don't really trip a lot, but kinda fumble over my footing and stray a bit. I'm horrible at walking straight, and it's gotten worse as my legs have. How old is your television? The one in the living room is god knows how old. My parents were still together when they bought it. When did you last talk on the phone with someone? A couple days ago for my appointment with my psychiatrist. Are you currently sleepy? I'm quite convinced I'm permanently tired. Are you hot or cold natured? I am ALWAYS fucking hot, ugh. Do you take any advanced classes? I took mostly Honors classes in school. Do you have weak upper body strength? My body is just weak as a whole. What is the worst insult someone can call you? Emotionally weak. Are you good at sketching? If we're talking meerkats, haha. They're the only complex thing that I can freehand no problem without needing a reference, honestly. Ever play Angry Birds? Nah. I thought the movie was cute, though. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yeah. Has anyone ever been weirdly obsessed with you? No. Are you afraid someone might steal your identity someday? It's not something I actively worry about at all. Like, you don't want my identity, I promise. Do you have any talents that come naturally? Growing up, adults always told me I was a "gifted" artist and writer. Also that I seem to have an unnaturally strong connection with animals. I've always been that person where a pet's owner is like "omg ____ never lets people do that" and whatnot. Have you ever had plastic surgery before? I haven't. It's funny though, how opposed to it I used to be... Like goddamn, I was such a fucking stupid and honestly judgmental teenager, regarding many things. I look back on her and cringe. Like damn dude, if you have a safe surgical procedure to help you enjoy the body you're stuck with the rest of your life, you go for it, boo. Are you afraid of airplane rides? Not really. What’s the best Valentine’s Day gift you’ve gotten? There was this one year where Jason had to go to work on Valentine's Day and I was super bummed, yet he still surprised me with a heart-shaped box of chocolates, roses, and a game I really wanted, Heavy Rain. I thought it was the sweetest. What is something you lose often? My phone. ;-; Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I don't enter any. Do you consider yourself physically active? *chuckles nervously* Do you have Netflix? Yeah. Favorite salad dressing? That Olive Garden replica you can buy at the store. Do you enjoy dancing? Once upon a time I did. My body could never handle it now. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Many times. Snow or sand? Snow, by twenty thousand miles. It is VERY hard for me to walk through sand, and I also hate hate hate hate HATE the sensation. Do you like sour candy? Heeeeeell yeah man. Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what & how? Nothing notable. Are you a clumsy person? Like you would not fucking believe. Last male you talked to in person? I think my primary physician's nurse. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink lemonade, for sure. But I love both. Chocolate or strawberry milk? CHOCOLATE. Strawberry milk is disgusting. Have you ever won a contest on the radio?No. Is there a song that reminds you of your best friend? There's quite a few. Has a book ever made you cry? Yes. Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up? Yes, for the time. Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Not that I'm aware. What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Rebel's Market. How do you feel about wolves? I adore wolves. Beautiful, majestic creatures with very interesting social dynamics. Name your top 3 favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano. What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? At an actual bookstore, I think it was The Fault In Our Stars, which I never actually read. Do you use Pinterest? Yes. Do you know any sign language? No. Do you have a favorite poem? No. Do you have a dog? No. The one we were pretty much stuck with has a home now. Have you ever read The Little House on the Prairie series? I haven't. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yes, for dance. When (if ever) was the last time you went to church? Forever ago, I don't even remember the last time. What's a quote you think is really powerful? There's a whole lot. The first one that came to mind was, "An eye for an eye will leave the world blind," which I do believe has great depth in it. Have you ever had to do your laundry at a laundromat? Yes. Are you the oldest person who lives in your household? No. My mom is turning 60 (... I think?) this year. If you have tattoos, how long have you had them? I got my first the day I turned 18. Do you and your dad have similar personalities? We're alike in some ways, imo most notably in that we have NO fucking common sense, embarrassing as that is to admit. We're both kinda slow at understanding things, too. What were the last three things you had to drink? Mountain Lightning, milk, and water. What did your family usually do for Easter when you were a kid? Us three kids all got Easter baskets full of stuff, and we'd go egg-hunting when we were all awake. My little sister Nicole would always wake our parents up in excitement, haha. My parents hid plenty throughout the house, and there was always this one "special" egg that was actually from Mom's childhood and was extremely intricate and beautiful. You basically "won" the hunt if you found it, and it was extremely well-hidden. When you have house guests over, where do they sleep? Historically since living here, my two half-sisters and their spouses (the only people who've stayed over) slept in what is *technically* Mom's room, but for whatever reason this woman still insists on sleeping on the couch in the living room, I guess because she's used to it after all the years she didn't have her own room and bed. Are you emotionally stable? LOLOOLOLOOLLOLOOLOOLOLLOOLOLLLLLLLLLLL Do you still talk to the very first person you had sex with? No. Are you an atheist? No. I don't quite know how to define what I am, but since I believe there's SOME higher power, I don't think it's fitting to call me an atheist. What’s the largest bug you’ve ever found in your house? Hm... I'm unsure. Probably a male mosquito, 'cuz them bitches are big'ins. Would it annoy you if a stranger called you "sweetie?" If it was a man, I'd be creeped out. Are you into fashion design? Not really. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? My leg muscles continuing to degrade, honestly. I have to do something about this shit. How did you get your last bruise? I fell when stepping over the stupid dog gate. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? Yikes, no. Would you rather have some bacon or beef jerky? Bacon. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONE. Do you wear skinny jeans? Back when I wore jeans, they were the only kind I wore. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm outta school. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I have no idea. Do you like coconut flavored things? No. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? No, thank god. I know someone who might've almost been, though. I don't know what the fucking pig was going to do to her if my sister and I weren't there. Have you ever wished for bigger boobs? No. Being overweight, I just want smaller ones now, haha. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? I've gone many days without it. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four, if you're counting everyone that had the "boyfriend" title. Where were you going the last time you were on a plane? Home from Illinois. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? I've never been on one. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? Holy fuck, yes. You would never guess now that I was perfectly healthy in high school especially, yet I still thought I was kinda fat. It hurts so much to look back on. When growing up, did you parents keep the house very tidy? I mean not excessively, but Mom was pretty dedicated to keeping the house in decent condition. With three kids though, of course the house was somewhat messy with toys and all. When you shop at IKEA, do you always stop to eat a snack/meal in the cafeteria? ... There's a fucking cafeteria in a furniture store? o_o I've never been there before. How many watches do you own? None, save for one in my "treasure box" from when I was a kid. I was SO SO SO obsessed with Finding Nemo that I kept my broken one. I did the same with my horribly aged sneakers, like the soles were coming off and Mom finally made me stop wearing them, ha. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? I do fucking nothing and am useless to society. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? Yes, because emergencies happen. I personally think it's best to maybe have your cell phone flipped over on the corner of your desk or something and on vibrate, that way the noise isn't too disruptive and the teacher can see you're not just using it for other purposes. Do you have any gay relatives? Yes. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Sigh, multiple. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? If so, what was the reason? Not recently. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? None. Do you know what your vocal range is? No, but it's not very broad. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I haven't been in this position before. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? I wanna say over a month while we were technically homeless. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? Oh dear, it was rough. Like there were people who had it worse than me, but ya girl was lookin preeeetty rough lmao.

[stovetuna]

Imagine Steve/Avengers walking in to Tony entertaining two soldiers in the common room and being really confused because Tony??? Despises the military??? But then find out that those two soldiers are actually from the “fun-vee” way back in IM 1 and Tony’s fitting them with prosthetics.

ahhh this has been stuck in my head for DAYS anon! I don’t necessarily agree with the assessment that Tony hates the military, per se (doing business with the military and the military industrial complex, however, and all that that toxic shit entails, definitely yes), BUT it’s such a heartbreaking/warming concept I had to run with it! I think I got it right with Air Force vs Army, but the movie was kinda vague—I’m going off of the fact that the driver said “I’m an airman,” which you would not say if you were in the Army.

and since the airmen (and woman) Tony was traveling with in the Fun-Vee are canonically deceased, I thought I’d have Tony do something…well, Extremely Tony™ to compensate…

(::whispers:: also we’re just gonna pretend that the Bucky-killed-Tony’s-parents-revelations of Cap 2/3 aren’t a thing in this vaguely alternate MCU universe. la-di-da, la-di-da…)

***

It’s not surprising to walk into the Avengers common area and see Tony Stark working on something no one can quite comprehend. That’s par for the course, really, as commonplace as days that end in Y. Machines, phones, tablets, watches, the toaster after Hulk pressed the cancel button a little too hard—they’ve seen Tony futzing with just about everything that exists in the Tower (and some things that don’t—couldn’t—exist anywhere else except where Tony is). 

What the team isn’t expecting when the elevator doors open onto the communal floor that sunny Tuesday afternoon is a living room scattered with men and women in various states of modest undress, all of whom immediately pivot in place to take stock of the new arrivals. Three men, one woman, and in the middle of their protective circle is Tony, eyes blazing with the same thrill of invention he often gets in the lab, a pair of needle-nose pliers clenched in his teeth.

Steve in particular notices the way Tony looks, because he’s developed a bad habit of doing that over the past year and change, and he’s kind of helpless at this point. Tony’s backlit by the afternoon sun, preoccupied with whatever he’s doing with the strange woman’s arm to distraction, and Steve can’t be judged too harshly—anyone with eyes would drag theirs over the exposed muscles of Tony’s arms, the shift and flex of his shoulders, the firm taper of his waist, the pronounced curve of his a—

“Are we, uh, interrupting something?” Clint has to shout to be heard above the music blasting from all corners of the room. 

Tony looks up from his work and waves his free hand, the one that isn’t wrist-deep in what looks remarkably like a prosthetic arm. He makes a ‘cut it off’ motion to his neck before taking the pliers out of his mouth while FRIDAY lowers the rock music to a dull background hum. 

“Hey! Sorry, I tried to keep it to the lab, but these guys wanted to see where the Avengers hang out, and I couldn’t say no.” 

Steve tears his eyes away from Tony (who should really work the sweaty-and-disheveled-mechanic look more often) to take in the others in the room with him. It’s a panorama of people, and the first thing Steve notices, besides their more obvious differences, is how comfortable they all are with each other, to the point that walking in on this moment feels invasive, almost rude. 

The four are all of remarkably different builds and backgrounds, not a similarity between them: an African American man, no taller than Steve was before the serum, sits on the couch; a white man, thin as a rake and twice as tall, is reaching for a glass of water on the coffee table; an Asian American man, whose shoulders are somehow even broader than Steve’s, stands rigidly next to Tony, arms folded across his chest; and the lone woman, whose glossy black hair is wound tightly in a bun at the back of her head. Steve notes the beautifully elaborate Native American tattoo covering the expanse of her shoulders and upper back. 

Then Steve notices the high-and-tights, the form-fitting, drab beige shirts they’re all wearing, the combat boots lined up behind the loveseat, and he realizes, much like he did with Sam that morning in DC, oh—these are my people.

“Ah, well, welcome to the octagon!” Clint says with an easy smile, stepping forward to shake hands and say hello like a normal human being. Natasha gives Steve one of her looks before she and Sam follow him into the living room—I don’t know any more than you do.

Bruce, Wanda, and Vision stay behind with Steve to let the first wave through. Steve watches his teammates greet the airmen without fanfare, welcoming strangers into their private midst like it’s routine. 

“Didn’t know y’all would be around, else we would’ve stayed outta sight.” 

Sam laughs, clapping the sitting man on the shoulder. “Dude, if Tony told us you were here, I would have come downstairs and bugged you, myself.” 

“Sure, PJ—you just wanted to see what real Air Force muscle looks like,” the man grins, flexing his barrel chest hard enough to strain his shirt. Sam guffaws and gives him a friendly punch to the shoulder, which the man returns in kind with a fist to the kidney. 

Clint is already deep in conversation with the redheaded beanpole, who talks so fast it’s dizzying; Natasha is standing next to the third man, keeping her eyes forward, and together they watch Tony disappear back into his work, muttering things back and forth to each other, so quiet even Steve can’t hear. 

“I think all is clear,” Vision says smoothly, drifting forward with Wanda, who is visibly fascinated by the woman’s tattoo until she steps into the throng and sees something that makes her face fall. 

Steve moves forward, curious and worried in equal measure. Bruce is hot on his heels. 

“—I mean it’s crazy right? It’s crazy, Tony Stark, Tony Stark calls us up out of the blue one day and says ‘You’ll be waiting six months to a year for a decent repair job, let alone a complete replacement, and I owe you guys, come on by Avengers Tower—”

Redhead is gabbing excitedly, gesticulating like Tony does when he’s in the mad depths of an invention binge. Steve sees the glint of metal and hears the whir of mechanisms working smoothly together in tandem and realizes both of the man’s hands are prosthetic. 

“Oh man! Oh, man! Captain, sir, wow, it’s—fuck, shit, my mama would kill me for swearing in front of you, fucking—shit, sorry, fuck—ah, damn it!”

Steve smiles and introduces himself—Corporal Bill Levee, apparently, is just as talkative up close. For all that his hand is made of metal, his grip feels remarkably, tangibly real. 

While Bill goes back to talking compound bows with Hawkeye, Steve looks at the man on the couch. Sam and Vision are now sitting on either side of him: both of his legs end at mid-thigh, and in their place are what look like brand-new metal limbs, designed to match his proportions exactly. The metal is dark, shiny, beautiful. He looks thrilled. He looks even more excited when Steve approaches, leaps to his feet and doesn’t even balk at the fact that Steve is a head and change taller than him and a superhero—he just steps right up to Steve and jabs him once in the shoulder with a grin. 

“Captain Rogers,” he says, and sticks out his hand. Steve shakes it. The man points a thumb at himself: “Captain Freddy Harrison. A little after your time, sir, but an honor to meet you regardless.”

Bill is still talking a mile a minute behind him; Freddy sits back down on the couch and lets Steve continue his “Captain America Meet-and-Greet” but makes him promise to come back and swap stories, which Steve does, happily, even as his mind whirls. How does Tony know these people? Why are they here? Where did these prosthetics come from? 

Bruce has joined Natasha, standing apart from the rest to talk to her and her new friend. Steve stops to say hello, as is only right, waiting until he’s entered the man’s line of sight to do so. Only then does he realize that the man has no line of sight, because both of his eyes are prosthetic. 

“I’m not completely blind, Captain,” he says, voice low but good-humored. Next to him, Natasha smothers a smile behind her hand. 

“Steve, this is Sergeant Daniel Kwon,” Bruce offers. The sergeant smirks and extends a hand—the eyes in his sockets look incredibly lifelike, but don’t move even a fraction of a millimeter. They gleam, still, with an uncanny sense of knowing. Steve has a sneaking suspicion they see more than enough and match his original eyes perfectly. 

“I’ll still make an exception in your case, Sergeant Kwon,” Steve replies, shaking his hand, “for not saluting a ranking officer.”

Dan chuckles under his breath.

“Let’s see your battlefield commission and then we’ll talk rank, sir,” he says. 

“Ugh, men.”

Steve turns around, and there’s Tony, flipping shut a panel high on the woman’s left arm with a smile. He pockets the pliers and drags the back of his forearm across his glistening forehead. Somewhere in the back of Steve’s mind, a saxophone is blaring. 

Honestly, the intrusive thoughts he could deal with, but the fact that Tony looks this good after hours of hard labor really isn’t fair. 

“Seriously, barely two minutes in and you military guys are at it like frat bros at a kegger.” Tony looks sidelong at the woman, who rolls her shoulders with a pop and a groan. “How do you manage?” 

“Easy,” she says, “I let them drink until they pass out and then I run back to the women’s barracks with all their clothes so they have to walk across the TOC butt-naked.”  

“I think we need to compare our respective strategies,” Natasha says, taking Wanda’s arm on her way to greet the other woman. “This is Wanda; I’m Natasha.”

The woman turns to face them. Her features are striking in a way that makes Steve think of old friends from the war, men he met on those rare occasions he had leave. He’d listen to Native American Code Talkers tell stories of land and legacy and home, stories older than anything Steve had ever known. He’d never been so humbled. 

“Delores,” she replies, shaking their hands. “But please, call me Del, or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Steve looks at Tony, who giggles—giggles—and mouths ‘Umbridge.’ Del must have ears like a bat, because she smacks him smartly with her prosthetic arm and Tony yelps before devolving into outright laughter. Steve could watch and listen to Tony laugh—that big, gut-wrenching cackle Tony thinks is unattractive but Steve thinks makes Tony look like happiness personified—all day. 

The conversation devolves quickly from there, and within a couple of excitable minutes, the airmen are eager to get a look at the Avengers’ game room. They pile into the elevator, talking animatedly over each others’ heads, placing bets and picking teams as the doors close. 

In their wake, Steve’s ears are buzzing, and he realizes with a jolt that he’s now alone. With Tony. 

It happens often enough that the fact itself isn’t jarring, but something about being alone with disheveled-frazzled-happy-sweaty Tony sets Steve’s nerves on high alert. Tony is loose-limbed and relaxed, moving in and out of Steve’s space as he picks his way around the living room barefoot, looking for discarded tools. 

“There you are,” he coos at a tiny device that looks remarkably like a laser pointer. Knowing Tony, it’s probably a real laser. He pockets it, assumably to put away later (or fish out of the laundry at the last minute). 

“Who are those people, Tony?” 

“Friends of friends,” Tony replies. Steve also knows Tony well enough to recognize his I am being deliberately vague voice when he hears it. 

“Uh-huh.” Steve sits on the arm of the sofa, legs stretched out in front of him. “And who are they really?” 

“Who wants to know?”

“Me,” Steve says gently, scratching his palms with dulled fingernails. “They’re strangers, and they’re in our home. I think if you were in my shoes you’d want to know.” 

Tony stoops to pick up and pocket what looks like a dissected nine-volt battery. Steve kind of wants to ask, but he’s too distracted by Tony’s ass in those black Levis to ask any cogent questions. Seriously, he wonders, are those painted on?

Only when Tony sighs, and quite heavily, that Steve realizes this was more than just a friendly house call (of sorts) on Tony’s part. He watches Tony stand up, facing the floor-to-ceiling windows bright with the glow of sunset, and admires the way Tony suits the view so perfectly. He looks good all the time, but like this—skin burnished gold, brown eyes honeyed by the light—he’s something else. Someone Steve wants, desperately, but like most things in his life, knows he’s not allowed to have. Tony Stark is beyond him in so many ways. Reaching for him seems futile, so Steve stays on the ground, and looks. 

Tony fidgets nervously with a mini Phillips Head screwdriver, twiddling it in his long, clever fingers as he stares out the windows at the city sprawled out beneath them. 

“They’re from the same company as the guys in the convoy I was with when I—when they—” his voice sputters out before he can say the words. Steve doesn’t push. He doesn’t say anything. He just waits for Tony to gather himself. It’s one of the hardest lessons he’s had to learn about Tony Stark—sometimes it’s better to let him get a handle on himself, rather than jump in and try to handle Tony for him. It doesn’t change the fact that Steve wants nothing more than to hold his hand, now that it’s hanging at his side like its string was just cut. “A while back I dug into Air Force records, talked to Rhodey, got some names. Five people died in the hit that was meant for me. I figured, the least I could do was find five of their closest buddies who needed help.” 

Tony glances back at Steve—the little smile on his lips could break Steve’s heart if he let it.

“And I’ve heard you talk about how convoluted the VA is when it comes to services and benefits and whatnot. I figured, my tech probably took their limbs, I should cut out the middle man and give them new ones, myself.” 

Something in Steve’s heart shifts irrevocably before kicking into a whole new gear. By the end of the sentence, Steve knows he’s going to do something incredibly rash, the only question is when. 

Funny—ten minutes ago he was coming back from a team exercise, prepared to give Tony a friendly but firm talking-to about missing it, and instead here he is, breathless, heart racing, sitting and listening to Tony talk humbly about fixing people because he knows it’s the right thing to do. Because it’s the least he can do. And isn’t that the wildest understatement Steve’s ever heard? 

As if anything about Tony Stark could ever possibly be least. 

“You built them all those prosthetics?” 

“Top of the line!” Tony smirks, saluting Steve with his Phillips Head. “Nothing more high tech in any of them than a heart rate monitor and some other odds and ends—no rocket launcher eyes, don’t worry. I kept my baser urges in check with these.” 

“It’s good,” Steve blurts out, too loud and too fast. Tony inhales sharply, fingers clenching around the screwdriver hard enough his knuckles go white. Steve feels his face go hot and groans. “I mean, what you did—what you’re doing—is good, Tony. It’s really generous of you to do that for those guys.” 

Steve crosses his arms across his chest to make himself feel safer, more contained. If he doesn’t, who knows where these ridiculous feelings might go. He feels silly enough as it is, blushing and stammering while dressed in his uniform, sans helmet. Even Tony’s probably wondering why he’s wasting his time talking to a red-white-and-blue fossil when he could be downstairs destroying Clint and the others at pool or showing the airmen around the tower, giving them the bells-and-whistles tour. 

Tony looks at the floor, away from Steve. Steve feels it like a physical thing, Tony pulling away, retreating, wanting to hide. Amazing, how a man who almost literally wears his heart on his sleeve still thinks he doesn’t have one. 

“Yeah, well,” Tony mutters, “it’s good practice, anyways.” 

Steve’s thoughts grind to a halt. 

“Practice for what?” 

Tony starts moving around, shuffling back and forth across the living room floor, looking for something that probably isn’t there. Steve knows when Tony is avoiding eye contact with him—it happens often enough. 

“Just a pet project, nothing major. Hey, have you seen my cable knife anywhere?” 

“Did you leave it on the floor? Tony…”

“I know, I know, the only thing worse is Legos, but I was busy! You can’t blame me for—OW FUCK!” 

Like a shot, Steve is up and holding on to Tony so he doesn’t hop backwards into the glass coffee table. One arm wrapped around his back and the other hand on his bicep, Steve steadies Tony as Tony searches underfoot for whatever hurt him. 

He comes up with a magnet the size of a dime. 

“Ha,” Tony wheezes. “Speaking of Legos.” He drops it into his pocket along with the laser pointer and whatever else is in there and hangs his head. Rubbing his brow, Tony says: “God. I could sleep for a week after today.” 

Steve keeps holding Tony. He should let go, but opportunities like this so rarely present themselves. Plus, Tony feels so good under his hands, strong and warm and just small enough to envelope in a hug if Steve let himself, if Tony wanted him to, and Tony does look dead on his (adorable, bare) feet…

“What else have you been working on today? This pet project?” 

“Hah?” Tony breathes, still wincing slightly from stepping on the magnet. “Oh yeah. For Bucky, when you find him. Ow, motherfucker, that hurt…”

The thing about being in Tony Stark’s presence is, it’s so easy to lose the plot. Tony’s mind moves faster than Steve could ever hope to match, mentally or physically; he’s always one pace behind, catching up. It’s fine, though; he actually kind of likes it, being challenged the way Tony challenges him, delighting in the push-pull of their banter and debates, the way Tony teaches him about science and tech and the 21st century without being condescending. Steve gets to a point where he thinks he knows Tony, how he operates, how his brain works—then moments like this happen, and it’s like he’s sprinted smack into a brick wall. 

“What?” 

“What?” 

“Bucky, you said—are you designing a new arm? For Bucky?” 

Tony seems to notice their position at that exact moment. Steve feels him blaze with heat where his hands are touching Tony’s bare skin. 

“Uh. Maybe?” At Steve’s look, Tony bites his lip and sighs. “Fine. Yeah, I am. Can you blame me? The thought of Sputnik wandering around the tower with that Cold War-era paperweight hanging off him when I’ve got brand-spanking-new, finely-tuned StarkTech all but ready to go? Perish, Steve, perish the thought.”

Tony is smiling up at him from his place in Steve’s arms, relaxed now, almost leaning into him, and all Steve can think is, he belongs here. 

“What’s that face?” Tony asks, curious but still smiling. He pokes Steve in the middle of the forehead with a cheeky grin. “Keep frowning like that, your face’ll stick.”

When, apparently, is right now. 

When Steve reaches up and takes Tony’s hand, he gets to watch Tony’s thoughts run into the wall, for once. 

When he weaves their fingers together, he gets to watch Tony’s mouth click shut and his eyes go wide. Super-hearing means he can count the beats of Tony’s racing heart without having to feel them. Steve’s telegraphing every movement, every feeling, as much as he possibly can now that words seem to have escaped him. 

He must manage okay, because the look that passes over Tony’s face is the same one Steve’s seen in the mirror a thousand times since the day he realized he was halfway in love with Tony Stark: wonder, one part lost, one part found. 

When he leans down, slowly, Steve gets to watch Tony’s beautiful eyes flicker and shut. He counts the dark lashes where they rest on Tony’s high cheekbones, breathes in his smell and listens to the shudder in his exhale before drawing him in for a kiss that draws everything else to a quiet, blissful blank.

When Tony pushes his fingers up into Steve’s hair, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck, Steve drops his arms around Tony’s waist and pulls him in close with a soft groan. He’s warm and messy and still holding that damn screwdriver, but he kisses Steve soft and eager like it’s the only thing he wants to do for the rest of his life, folds himself into Steve’s embrace like he wants to build a home right there in his arms. 

One day Steve will tell him he already did, a long time ago, and it wasn’t the least of anything. 

*** 

more fics on AO3!

[trulymadlysydney]

Ahhh I did see the paramount+ episode! And girl what they showed with josh and Shannon was nothing compared to what they used to show in the early uk version seasons lol. But still pretty wild! I like how Shannon was like I don’t kiss and tell then proceeded to go into explicit detail about how he ate her out with the girls like girl good for you but uhhh are you sure you wanna share that? It was funny how josh was like sorry mom. I try to not like him but honestly the man is growing on me.

And slade? Oh my god dude I was so sad bc he seemed like a genuine guy and I really hope everything is okay. But I think that ensures javonnys safety and honestly thank god bc if he left I would’ve been so sad.

I completely agree about Isaiah. Especially bc he went to Aimee straight after he and cash agreed they weren’t working. Which to me was also bullshit when he said he was forcing it with her but literally the day before he told her that he feels closest to her?? Get outta here dude. I really want Aimee and Wes to work out they just make sense to me. Jeremy is a pile of garbage I don’t understand how so many girls like him. And I hate to say it but you’re also right about cash. Like I love her and all but sometimes she’s just… overreacting? I don’t know how to describe it.

And what about the pact at the end between Olivia and cash? I think we all know cash is gonna go for Wes but what about Olivia? I have this theory that she’s also into Jeremy especially bc in one of the drop episodes she had to kiss someone during that challenge and cash told her you should kiss Jeremy and basically told her to go for it. And let’s not forget Jeremy said he’d pick her to have a threesome with in yesterday’s challenge. I just don’t think Olivia is as into javonny as he is into her unfortunately. But maybe I’m wrong who knows I just have a gut feeling about it.- E

Anonymous asked: Oh and sorry I totally ignored your question but I do think they’ll be casa amor this season! I mean I don’t see why not but yeah it’ll be absolute chaos. If it happened tomorrow we all know that Isaiah will graft on every girl until one shows interest and probably the same goes for Jeremy. Those two need to LEAVE -E

-----

Putting this under a cut because it's long as shit kdlajfs;kj

Omg SERIOUSLY?! GOD like I thought the Josh and Shannon thing was lowkey porn but now I'm intrigued lmfao. Honestly I'm glad they went to the villa. I have such mixed feelings about both of them, like I feel like Shannon STAYS stirring the pot which is... annoying but also like? Idk I hate to love her lmfao. Also YES LIKE UGH I DONT WANT TO LIKE JOSH AND SHANNON BUT I REALLY DO. I know they're not going to last outside the villa (like... they will but not for very long lmao) but they're good together for now.

I AGREE I REALLY LIKE SLADE AND I KNOW THAT IF I WERE IN THE VILLA HE'S SOMEONE I WOULD'VE GONE FOR IN A HEARTBEAAAAAT. I hope he's okay and I'm glad everyone was nice to him even though he was only there for like, what, one night? I agree though. I want Javonny to stay and I can't believe how much I'm starting to like him and Olivia.

Yeah idk where they found these fake ass men for this season f;dlafj;ls but Isaiah is bugging me. I feel like you can just tell exactly the type of guy he is in the outside world-- like he KNOWS he's pretty and he feels like he can get whatever he wants because of that. Fuck outta here lol. Also THANK YOU IM SO GLAD YOU AGREE LF;KDSJF LIKE Cash is still my favorite but like.... the villa doesn't revolve around you baby, not everything is a personal attack.

ALSO I cannot express how much I want Aimee and Wes together. God like every time he opens his mouth I'm like SWOONING. He's a dream, and I think he would treat Aimee the way she deserves to be treated. I feel like Cash and Wes are a weird match tbh. Wes even came into the villa ALL about Aimee right from the get go, but we fucked it up because we all voted for Cash to get a date dalkjf;dslkj and now he's like "Cash surprised me" or whatever. LOVE miss Cash but Aimee is a much better fit with Wes.

The pact has me nervous lkdfaj;djlkds like I feel like they're going to end up screwing themselves over. Although I think it'll be interesting to see Olivia finally like, putting forth effort to get a guy lmao. I hadn't thought about her and Jeremy but I actually completely see what you mean... when he kissed her as part of that "threesome" question I legit gasped. I think Javonny is really into her and he's trying so hard, but I feel like she's stringing him along and forcing herself to be like "no I'm into him kinda I guess."

CASA AMOOOOR PLEASE I CANT WAIT FOR THOSE EPISODES IF THAT'S REALLY GONNA BE A THING!!!!! I can think of quite a few people I want OFF the island. Bring in some fresh faces PLEASE!

[bmwiid]

The Great British Sewing Bee Episode 2

This week we're looking at Beach Bar Attire, Paper-bag Shorts and Button Down Dresses...

Still a lot of people in the competition so we're not seeing a lot of individual personalities yet, but little glimpses!

Cathryn dancing to grime (she's a Stormzy fan) Adeena standing on a box because she's too tiny for the tables, Adam being just a top shelf cutie-pie... Damien still bugging the shit outta me...

First in the patter challenge was Paperbag Shorts.

I think the shorts were VERY similar to the 2nd pair here, but like... shorts. All the other shorts I've seen had patchwork pockets rather than side pockets.

I LOVED this challenge - I think these style of shorts are super cute and flattering on most people, honestly.

Almost everyone messed up on the hem of these, despite being asked if they'd read the instructions. Honestly though - there is a difference between reading and understanding.

Couple of stand-out pairs for me from Raph 9th in line and (although not ranking high) I loved that Adam (7th in line) did a contrasting belt! It really looked good. Raph came first place, and Serena 2nd. A good result I felt.

Next was the Transformation challenge and they were tasked with turning swim shorts into a summer party outfit.

I kinda was a bit MEH over this - The shorts were obviously lean on the amount of fabric they could use, and the prints were wild. Nice in shorts, but getting a 'nice' looking garment was gonna suck. I know this challenge is more of a whatever hits the wall and sticks type of thing, but I do like it when the results are actually wearable!

Proper stand out for me in this was Adam and Serena! They were the only two I think looked like a wearable item, and I don't think there was a lot between them, they came first and second, respectively. Mostly I wasn't really keen on this challenge.

Lastly was the Showstopper - Button Down Summer Dress

I LOVED this - more than made up for the previous challenge - this is where it's at!

Adeena won with her own self drafted pattern that was really well made but it wasn't my fave (mostly the pattern of fabric hurt my eyes)

Stand out for me were:

Farie: I loved this shirt dress, but once again, she wasn't able to finis it!! This is the 2nd time she's not finished her showstopper and I'm starting to worry - I know it's only week 2 but still... it's only going to get harder.

Damien: I hate that this dress was so nice. I dislike the man so much and I don't even know WHY, but his showstoppers are always so nice!

Lawratu: Look at this sexy lil crossback wiggle dress! I loved this so much, it was lovely.

All of these had fit issues at some points but they were the standout for me.

Garment of the week went to Adeena who had a little cry and Joe called her a daft boot, which made me (and her) laugh.

I know these screenshots aren't the clearest, but that pattern is just... a whole nope on my eyes! I feel like I can't focus on it AT ALL.

It was Jean to go though - Not unexpected but I 100% think that Farie is clinging onto that with the skin of her teeth and no lie - The ONLY thing that saved her here was Jean just flunked on the showstopper and was low in the other challenges. From what we saw of Jean she was batshit crazy and an old spiritual lesbian hippie type, which was nice to see. I liked her, and felt that she had more to give, it's a shame to see her go.

[thecourtsknight]

(pulls up to your ask box like i’m at a mcdonald’s drive through) uhhh can i get a 3 & 17 for quill. 5 for rufus. and i’ll take a 20 for zag.

I come out and hand you each of the OC's you asked through the little window. Quill would be a struggle to fit.

Under the cut!

What is your favorite childhood memory?

"Huh. Not something that really comes to mind often. Not that I'm like- blocking memories out or nothin', that was just... years ago. But lemme think... Nothing really that specific but. Okay so, me and my mom used to go on walks a lot when I was a kid. We were sorta stuck on the Orison so much that it was a little difficult to get good exercise sometimes? I got more into actually working out later on which wasn't too bad cause. y'know. exercise without the long walks but regardless, regardless.

It's not a specific one but I think my favourite memories do lie with being able to do that, just take walks with her... sometimes Florence'd come with too. It was honestly pretty relaxing, we'd stop at so many different places so the walks were always different and my mom seemed to enjoy 'em too. One time I remember getting caught out in a rainstorm and I got absolutely like. fuckin' drenched, so did Alex, we ended up standing under this big tree and watching the rain for a bit before heading back home and she told me that when was a kid she used to love running outside when it was raining, apparently her folks didn't approve of it since she'd be all wet coming home and would trail it everywhere in her house. I miss hearin' her stories sometimes, even the more mundane ones about when she was younger..."

What makes you laugh?

"Oh geez uh. I guess sorta... wierd shit? It's, hah, its a little hard to explain. Setac really gets me sometimes- gods, I guess it'd be classed as like blunt humor? Just shit outta nowhere gets a good chuckle out of me. I also find it a little funny when other folks trip up, y'know like missing a throw so bad that its basically the opposite of what you were tryin'a do? It's kinda humorous to see people screw up like that... Man, does that make me sound like that dick."

What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?

"Oh!! So many things, it's hard to pick a favourite, I like to watch bugs and birds a lot. It's really relaxing being able to sit down in the grass and just watch a ladybug makes it way across a few blades or keep an eye on birds gathering things for a nest! But my favourite thing is probably gardening. Taking my time on each individual plant makes it feel like I'm doing something right when they start growing, and its really rewarding! It's going to probably be a bit difficult now that I'm travelling to do any sorts of gardening but maybe I'll learn some tips to come home with!"

Describe your biggest pet peeve.

"Ugh. This'll make me sound grumpy as shit but being a rebellious little snob. I can't stand it when kids who are young think they're hot shit and can just walk all over others 'cause of it. Like I'm not saying young people don't have important shit to say but christ. Sometimes they can be real fuckin spoiled brats. I also hate it when people say working in an art form isn't a real job like fuck off and suck my dick."

[mordellestories]

Give a Beetle a Bone

It was a fucking disaster, is what it was! It wasn't like Betelgeuse's plans had never gone to shit, quite the opposite; his plans ALWAYS went to shit in some way or another, but this time? This time took the fucking cake ! Getting eaten by a sandworm just moments away from being free as a bat at dusk, now that's a story to tell the grandkids–wherever the fuck those little turds were. How could this be the end? How could he have gotten so close, only to come out of the other end of a giant, very satisfied, striped asshole? At least one of them enjoyed themselves. He shuddered at the memory of being squeezed right out into a steaming mountain of sandworm shit.

What was he supposed to do now? Wait his turn with the other deadbeats in waiting room 8, just to get bitched out by the cunt-of-an-ex-boss? Again?! No. No freaking way. This was it. This was the last straw that broke the corpses back, and Betelgeuse was ready to go to war .

The riled up poltergeist shot out of his chair, still in tatters from his meet and greet with the jaws and intestines of that legless, enthusiastic fucker on Saturn. (The beast actually took a liking to Betelgeuse once he was out. Must have grazed the thing’s sweet spot or some shit.)

"I'm not gonna stand for this," Betelgeuse said with righteous determination while standing. "I'm the ghost with the most!" He beat his chest with an angry fist and stomped his foot on the ground. "I do what I want when I want, and none of you dupes can do a thing about it!"

"You!" Miss Argentina shouted from the reception. "I can hit this big red button right here and send you right back to where you came from if you like," she grinned wickedly.

Betelgeuse held up his hands in surrender. "Woah! Not necessary, babe," he winked, exposing his grimy overbite. "I'm just gonna hit the john, maybe have some grub, and I'll be right back." He chuckled slowly and dangerously, placing his hand to his chest and straightening. "Cross my heart and hope to live," he cackled wildly and popped into the midplane between life and death. Time to pay up, betrothed. His shrieking laughter rang through time and space as he zeroed in on his target.

He landed in a darkroom. It took a few moments to realize he was trapped in a negative hung to dry.

"You ruin my art, and I'll ruin your afterlife," droned a familiar feminine voice from afar.

Betelgeuse craned his neck every which way to catch a glimpse of the snot-nosed, betraying, little shit. The backstabbing kid was gonna feel his wrath from here to kingdom come– HOLY HANGIN' GEMSTONES BELOW!

A slim form was hunched over a table, examining her work with a Buddhist monk's calm and concentration—jet black hair pulled up in a messy bun, chocolate eyes, moonlight pale skin, and grown up in every way that counted in his books!

Mother o' pearl, look at those tits!

"Yowzers!" Betelgeuse let out, followed by a sharp whistle. "How long was I in that literal shithole," he grumbled and scratched his head, utterly confounded.

"Eighteen years," Lydia replied dryly, not sparing a glance in the poltergeist's way, making Betelgeuse feel entirely insignificant.

It was insulting. It was infuriating. It was-it was-it was... It was a massive turn on , and Betelgeuse was instantaneously stiff in more ways than one.

He leered in her direction, even though she was still ignoring him, and scanned her top to toes again, shaking his head in bewilderment. Betelgeuse hummed with approval. "May I just say, you're lookin' like a beetle on a cracker ta me right now, babe. Ya sure as hell didn't get your pop's looks, thank my lucky stars," he mumbled the rest.

Lydia arched a brow, the only sign she had heard him at all.

Lordy-lord! That stoic, unperturbed, porcelain face was making him itch in all the right places.

"I wondered when you'd have the stones to come back," Lydia murmured absentmindedly.

Oh, this bitch was messing with the wrong dead man. "Is that right," he drawled with a sneer. "Well, honeybun, your wait is over. Time to ta hold up your end of our deal."

Lydia scoffed with the tiniest smile, her complete amused disregard for the poltergeist going straight to his dick.

Look at me, look at me, look at me! Betelgeuse shook himself and tried to sound as menacing as possible and not like he wanted to grovel at her feet and beg her to scratch his head like the flea-infested dog he was. "Sweetums," he warned, "I think you remember what I'm capable of–hard to forget, I'm sure. I'd watch yourself if I were you."

This time, Lydia did turn her gaze up to meet the ghost, but the look on her face was far from frightened. There was a wicked glint in her hooded eyes, but the rest her face remained as impassive as ever. "What are you going to do? Summon a merry-go-round and a jumping mice circus? Dress as a clown? Oh, wait," her brow furrowed slightly, "you're already in costume."

Oh my god... Cupid had aimed a long-range missile right between his legs and shot his cock up to the heavens that didn't exist a moment ago.

Betelgeuse actually needed to swallow for the first time since he'd keeled over. His jaw was slack, and his eyes were bugged out. He needed to get this shit under control, or he was gonna roll over and let his tongue loll out of his panting, rabid mouth. He cleared his throat and adjusted the lapels of his ruined wedding tux.

Lydia had the decency to keep eye contact, but it unnerved him, and that was just insane. "Listen, kid, uh, woman, uh, pretty lady," he stammered, "I bent the laws of nature for you, saved your friends, scared your folks straight, I'm due some compensation, okay?" Betelgeuse couldn't get over sounding like a handyman being gypped out of his hard-earned cash by an unsatisfied customer. "We made a deal," he all but whined.

The medium raised a single brow and smirked, giving Betelgeuse her undivided but callous attention. "Poor Betelgeuse," she cooed.

The ghost could not suppress the electric sparks from shooting out of his ears at the sound of his name on those pretty pink lips.

"Oh, baby ," Betelgeuse drawled, desire gripping onto his sanity and wringing it out like an old dishrag. "Two more times, and I'm yours," he breathed with manic, pleading eyes. "I'll do anything, and I mean... anything," he pronounced while whipping his arms open to make it abundantly clear.

Betelgeuse could feel Lydia's eyes appraising him, and he was suddenly, painfully aware that he looked like he'd been chewed and shat out of a Saturn giant. She was looking at him like he was a bug–and not in a good way.

"Anything?"

Betelgeuse latched onto the intrigue like a lifeline, because that's exactly what it was! "Anything," he swore and knew he'd follow through because-holy shit-she was gorgeous. To prove his point, he blinked a bouquet of roses into Lydia's arms.

Surprise registered on Lydia's face and then a smile, and fuck, he felt like she'd given him a treat for being a good boy.

"Cute," she deadpanned and let the flowers drop to the floor, "but cliche."

Betelgeuse snapped his fingers, a box of chocolates manifested next, which Lydia snorted at.

A wave of his hand brought a generous shower of jewels and gems.

She rolled her eyes.

Betelgeuse snarled. "Aw, c'mon! Waddya want?! Dresses?" All manner of old fashioned gowns fell onto Lydia's lap. "Just say the word, and it's yours."

Lydia seemed somewhat pleased with the wardrobe above everything else, but it still wasn't the reaction any other woman would have had. Hell's bells, this woman was hard to please! He hit all the staples, didn't he? What else could a chick want?!

"Hmm," the stoic beauty hummed and shrugged, "I dunno, Betelgeuse ."

"One more B-word, snookums," the ghost pleaded.

She sighed dramatically. "I'm not very impressed, and I honestly have everything I've ever set my mind to," she looked at her nails and then dead in his eyes. "Except..."

Betelgeuse pressed his face up against the photo's barrier, squishing his crooked nose and fogging up the image. "Tell me," he purred, fire igniting every cold bit of his soul.

"You."

Betelgeuse let out a high-pitched wheeze and shot a hand to his dead heart. "Me?! Fuck, babe, ya got me! Hook, line, and sinker! Let me outta here!" He clawed at his prison and whimpered.

Lydia's grin was downright evil, and the ghost shook in his boots. "I'm not going to marry you," she clarified. Betelgeuse deflated but waited for her to continue. "But, I'll let you out every once in a while if you're a good boy."

Good boy. "Want me ta be good? I'll be good for ya. I'll sprout wings and a halo for you, babes."

"I don't think you understand," Lydia chuckled and shook her head, bemused. "I'll own your soul, you'll be my errand boy for all of my whims, and I decide if and when you get to come out to play."

"Yes." Betelgeuse had said it without hesitation, and no follow-up.  

Lydia's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. "You can't be serious," she narrowed her eyes. "I'm offering you scraps!"

Upon snapping his fingers again, Betelgeuse's ears grew and flopped over, a tail sprouted out of his ass crack, and a collar with the name Lydia in big neon green letters wrapped around his neck.

"As long as those scraps come from your table, Lyds, I'll sit, rollover, and even play dead for ya." He grinned wide, let his tongue roll out past his chin as he panted, and let out a needy bark.

It was obviously the right thing to do because the passive woman burst out laughing. It was music to Betelgeuse's new doggie ears. He was so in trouble.

"Okay," she let out on a breathy giggle. "Then we got a deal... Betelgeuse ."

The ghost cackled and cheered. "Aw, yeah! It's showtime, babes!"

Mordelle on Ao3

[itsa-lie]

The “Death” Of A Liar [Epilogue of Birth Of A Liar] 

A epilogue of that headcanon I wrote for Kokichi. You can read all five parts here. Will contain spoilers so read at your own risk!  Trigger Warning: death, poisoning, needles, and a mention of a certain death in game.

There it was...

The  Hydraulic crusher comes closer to his face. It was slow, painfully so. The pain in his body was unbearable. The poison was going through his body at an accelerating rate. Kokichi slowly turn his head to the side to see Kaito. His face was a literal mess. His face was full of tears, red and puffy, nose running like a faucet of snot. Oh jeez...if he wasn’t so in pain he’d make fun of this big hero guy bawling like a baby. Though he could only give a smile to him. And a small pained chuckle.

“C-C’mon Kaito, you’re the hero guy, right? You’re about to defeat the baddest villain ever. You shouldn’t be crying. Ya...ya..big baby...”

Kaito glares back to the boy laying shirtless on his back on the press, the tears still not stopping. “You idiot! Biggest bad villain?! J-Jeez! You’re doing this to stop the Mastermind! This was all your plan! Don’t...don’t say you’re a villian, alright? You’ve done some stupid things but...”

Kokichi cut the purple haired teen off with a weak “nee-hee-hee” as he turns his head back to the slowly descending iron. “You always were an idiot...” Kaito slams his fist on the control panel angrily, still filled with sorrow. “I am NOT an idiot!” Kokichi laughs again, the press only a few feet from his face. “You’re too trusting...I mean...you’re trusting me right? ....thank you for that...even if it is an idiotic decision...but hey....maybe I’m an idiot too right? I am trying to stop this horrible game.” Kokichi’s breathing gets shallow, each breath was an exhausting experience now. Even if it hurt horribly, Kokichi smiles.

“It’s like those movies, yeah? A hero and their side-kick try to beat the super villain, the villain causes so much trouble for a few more movies, then finally after a big climatic battle the hero finally defeats the villain.” The press was only a few inches from his face now, he couldn’t turn back to see Kaito without being even more in pain than he already was. Not to mention his constant wheezing from Maki’s poison made it hard for him to even talk. He had to hurry this up.

“I’m...not the final villain, you hero guys still gotta...find them but...but at least...I wasn’t boring...right?”

--------------------------------------------------------------------

“SIMULATION TERMINATED. EJECTING...EJECTING...”

The horrible pain of getting every sort of bone crushed in your body suddenly halted as a robotic voice echoed in the air. There were sounds of machinery opening and whirling, yet everything was still so dark, so odd...

What felt like a cool breeze hit Kokichi’s face as he could feel some sort of apparatuses snap off or out of his body. And then he fell face first into a tiled floor. A cold, unforgiving, tiled floor. Grunting, Kokichi sits up and rubs his nose from the fall. ...wait...everything didn’t feel like a pancake...was he...alive? Should he dare open his eyes? Okay...on the count of three...one....two...three! His eyes wandered to his hands, both looking normal, except he was in some sort of different clothes. They looked familiar, but kinda boring. Oh God this was hell wasn’t it? Only the Devil himself would have everyone in such boring school uniforms. Kokichi missed his DICE outfit but hey, no one cared about him anyway so maybe hell was where he deserved to be. He wasn’t complaining. But if it was hell, where was the fire? Or the demons? Or the Devil and his pitchfork?

But the only place he saw was a white room. A white room full off odd sci-fy like pods. Some pods were empty, but others did have people inside them. They happened to look a lot like the surviving classmates, one of which seemed to be tossing and turning wildly. 

“Kaito?”

That was Kaito alright...only he wasn’t wearing his usual jacket and tee shirt, he seemed to be wearing a drab school outfit as well. Wait...how did he get to hell? This guy was Mister Perfect! Why would he end up in a place that bad guys go to if he’s the hero? Maybe he should have a talk with God and get Him to reconsider. That was...if he could get out of this room! But what was this weird pod everyone was in? Was he in one as well? Upon turning around there was indeed a pod just like everyone else had. The inside had a soft plush interior as well as a weird white halo-like contraption at the front. There also seemed to be tubes and needles that were on the side. Wait...what did the tube go to-never mind, he looked in and regretted it. It was apparently attached to a catheter bag...okay new idea, no more trying to explore weird tubes and stuff. 

However a noise coming from the other side of the room caught his attention. A girl had come in. She looks exhausted, her breathing fast and rapid, her face as red as an apple from exertion. Short brown hair framed her face and she wore a very fancy middle school uniform. Honestly she looked familiar but for some reason Kokichi couldn’t figure out who she was. “Kokichi! I ran here as soon as I saw and-”

“Finally! Satan! I’ve been waiting for you. Ya know, I really wasn’t expecting you to be a little girl, I thought you’d be a bit intimidating or somethi-”

Before he could finish that statement the girl slapped him hard making him stumble back holding his hand to his face. The girl looked angry as hell.

“I saw everything! What was wrong with you? You called out that Kaede girl, and that poor bug man, and-and-and-well you did so much I don’t even want to think of it!” She was shaking with rage. Was this girl just a fan of the show? No...she might have been but if this was just some random passerby saying these words to him he wouldn’t care. But for some reason coming from...whoever this is...it made him feel extreme guilt? But just like always...Kokichi hides his real emotions behind a blank stare.

The girl stopped her ranting and looked up at Kokichi, her eyes still watering. “Don’t you...remember me?”

A blank face, a white lie, a half-truth.

“Nope. Not at all.”

This answer got the girl more upset as she began to sob. “You don’t remember me, do you?” She rummages through her back pocket as she pulls out a poorly drawn clown mask and places it on her face. And for the first time...Kokichi was at a loss for words. That mask was important! Yeah, in his memory he remembered it looking much better but this was DICE’s logo! Their uniform! All of the members had one. However he couldn’t get himself to say anything! Say something! Say anything, stupid!

“I knew it...” The girl places her mask back. “I’m Hanako! The person you promised to take care of DICE if you were ever gone! And now you betrayed everything our organization ever stood for by acting like a mean selfish brat! And not only that!” She stares daggers at the pod containing what appears to be a sleeping Maki. “Big sister tried to kill you! I don’t know what happened in this game but it’s like I don’t even know who you two are anymore! You’re like two evil strangers!” Before she could go on her rant, two policemen had entered from an unseen stairway. Come to think of it that was probably how Hanako got in.

 “Only Crew-members and participants are allowed through this point, little girl.” One says grabbing the girl’s arm. “Ah, her uniform. She must be from that fancy shmancy all girls orphanage not too far from here. According to my records she escapes a lot.”

“Let me go! I-I have to go back to DICE! I hate that orphanage!” Hanako tries to struggle out of the man’s grip but to no avail.

“Wait just a second, fatso! I was talking to her!” Kokichi demands. This girl was being forced back to a place against her will and even if he was the Ultimate Supreme Leader Of Evil, he definitely wasn’t going to sit back and watch these two bully her! Not only that, this girl had information on DICE, maybe she knows the truth. “Shuddup pipsqueak. You got what you deserved.” One cop completely discarded him.  

“Wait, what happened? Did the little grape kid kill anyone directly yet? Shit did I miss his execution?”

“Almost. Seems he tried to kill that Kaito guy under a giant press but then suddenly outta nowhere the complete opposite happens an’ Kaito is alive an’ the supreme leader is squashed like a grape!”

“Shoot! I missed it! Did they record the squashin’?”

“No but you know, they do show his body...or what’s left of it anyways. Plus they do a whole play-by-play anyway with a reenactment of what happened. Sadly I think they’re gonna execute the Kaito kid next...”

“A shame, but at least he’ll go out as a hero, right?”

Kaito...execution...he knew this would happen...and he didn’t really want it to. Hell...after seeing so many of his friends die Kokichi was willing to go through an execution as well out of extreme guilt for not finishing this “destroy Daganronpa” plan quick enough! But at least Kaito will die as a hero, and he’ll most likely die of his disease before Monokuma could really kill him. The thought of that bear being frustrated with that filled Kokichi with so much joy. He smiles a little, only to be pushed away like trash by the cops as they take the girl back up.

“.........”

That’s right...he was the “mastemind”. The guy who kept causing trouble for everyone in the game. The bad guy. The antagonist. That’s what he was now...to the world, to Maki, to Hanako, and most likely to DICE themselves. Whoever Kokichi Ouma was before the Killing Game was gone. Everyone forgot that version, even Kokichi himself...no one would want him around anymore. So it was settled. He won’t go back to his orphanage...he won’t go back to DICE, they tore down their headquarters anyway. He was going to hide away. He’s been doing that for years now and he was good at it. Why stop now? With his blank stare which hid tons and tons of pain, he made his way up the stairs to start his new life who knows where.

---------------------------------------

“Will that be for here or to go?”

“Uhhhh....I think I’ll take it to go. Oh, can I get some extra ketchup?”

“Sure. Alright m’am. Have a happity-happy day.”

God he hated saying that, but he had to. It’s part of Happity Burger’s policy. The woman had to double take looking at him too. No doubt she recognizes him. Shit.

Good thing he was on his break. His manager was apparently not into television shows so he didn’t mind hiring him, though still he hid his name-tag or borrowed a co-workers anytime he needed one for the uniform. Yeah flipping burgers and singing that same stupid happy birthday song to some kid who was this close to barfing on you wasn’t a glorious life but...hey it was a way to get by. Once you get through the stares that is.

And people stared.

A lot.

Ugh.

It was during his break that he got a text from an unknown number. Kokichi slightly looked at his phone to see who it was.

Unknown: Hello? Unknown: Do I have the right number?

Who would even text him besides his boss? He rolls his eyes and goes back to looking at memes trying to get a chuckle out of his depressing life. He looks around to see more people looking at him. Tch..he turn around to the window in the booth he was sitting at, ignoring the trash and spills on the table from the family who ate here before. 

Ding!

Unknown: Kokichi Ouma? 

Okay that surprised him for a second. Hardly anyone knew his name because he wouldn’t tell it, so how the hell would they know? 

You: Sorry, wrong number.

Well he was a liar after all. According to his phone he had only a few minutes of break time left before the lunch rush comes in. He cursed to himself and cleaned up the table he was sitting at. As he did he thought about all of his friends...not all his memories had come back...though some came back quicker than others. He did remember the Killing Game participants vividly though. Kaede, Shuichi, Kiiboy, Kaito,...Maki. Actually now that he’s older and an adult now he holds no ill will towards Maki. The fact that girl...whoever she was...remembered both him and her meant something. He still hasn’t figured that out. But that Kokichi Ouma was dead. Crushed by a  Hydraulic press much to the delight of an entire audience of strangers. Shuichi was right.

He was always going to be alone.

And he was used to it. There was nothing he could do about it. The universe hated him. And honestly...he hated himself too.

Another ding. What do they want now?

Unknown: Yep. It’s you alright. It’s been five or six years, hasn’t it? Meet me outside after work, I want to talk to you.

[phoebehalliwell]

Since nobody liked Billie and the Ultimate Power plotline, how would you have ended Charmed? (Because you come up with like the most awesome headcanons and should totes have been hired to write the reboot!!!)

okay so as we all know the only reason we got billie was because they really needed new blood to carry on a spin off series and i know people wanted wyyat & chris show but you can’t go to the cw in 2006 like okay we’ve got two brothers fighting magical beings there’s the snarky younger brunet brother who’s a bit of a black sheep and then his older blond brother who’s really good at this and also dad’s favorite son bc uhhhh they already did supernatural. so you know back track this is your feminist show about some magical ladies kicking ass you should get a magical kickass lady to carry your spin off hey you know who else was a kickass magical lady buffy everyone loves buffy what if we made her sorta a buffy type except okay here’s the 411 on buffy is we know she already got a lot of slayer training so her cocky devil may care i know what i’m doing and can kick ass attitude is fine be we’re following her and we’re like hell yeah But if you’re giving that personality to your new character who’s introduction is through the people trying to teach her this cocky i can handle myself attitude is actually Incredibly Annoying bc it’s obvious she doesn’t know everything and Of Course we are going to side with her mentors as we’ve been following their stories for nearly a decade now. so to fix season eight we need to fix billie.

having her be paige’s charge isn’t necessarily a bad way to introduce her into the show, but roughly everything else was. the costume (and the implication she bought it from saks fifth avenue??? she’s a college student????) the fact she would keep saying quippy one liners to demons that literally would not talk back making it feel incredibly awkward/cringy the fact that she was like an ass to paige and an insufferable know it all like. i get how these could be the personality traits of a fun character (like almost all of these are traits iron man has and his character essentially singlehandedly launched the mcu) but again having a know it all from a mentor’s perspective isn’t likable. having her in that lil costume doesn’t really match the tone of the show that’s been set so far. and her absolute abhorrence for studying and need to go kick demons ass for a buzz like. it wasn’t the character they should have given us. and here’s the thing: billie wasn’t all bad. she was incredibly smart and she was basically the first character we saw to combine magic and modern tech. this could have been incredibly interesting and y’know maybe the show would adopt it moving forward but like even when we first see her use it she’s basically showing paige “i know more than you” but we’re inclined to align with paige bc she’s a lead character who we’ve grown with. but like. paige couldn’t come up with that. that had a lot of room to do right with billie, but they really did wrong at almost every turn.

so if i were to reconfigure billie to in turn reconfigure s8, i would first start with her personality. as she’s clearly going to be the mentee to the charmed ones, the cocky know it all is a no go. instead, i might put her on a path closer to s1 piper, in which she has powers that she just knows nothing about and is worried she’s evil this that and the other but through the charmed ones she learns how to focus and hone her power while also gaining some of their confidence & sisterhood and all that. basically, working with the charmed ones, not against them. another thing that just sorta bugs me on a lore level is billie just sorta got her powers at age 20 like they were laying dormant before this but like?? it’s very much beem established young witches have powers, it’s not like a puberty thing or whatever and i really don’t think there would be any reason for them to grow into her life unprompted. workarounds for this could either be a) she was put up for adoption and was encouraged to supress her magic bc she could potential hurt others / be seen as a freak or b) some specific traumatic incident unlocked a hidden power (grishaverse think the first time alina realized she had her powers was when she was being attacked by the volcra in absolute darkness idk maybe one of them snatched mal the point is it was a moment of raw desperation in an environment best suited to unlock her powers). something like that some quasi life or death fight i can’t think of a good reason for that to happen to an average college student off the top of my head but like y’know finding hidden power that whole trope. the third option, aka my wildcard, is that the elders regift the twiceblessed destiny right then & there, and the new billie is also the new twice blessed (fully giving her the magic credentials to carry her own show imo)

building on billie’s intro, she gets acquainted with the charmed in like no earnest fashion. they are both using each other plain and simple this is acknowledged. the girls are using her to fight demons for them, she’s using them to properly teach her the craft. once again, it doesn’t really foster the relationship i feel like we would want to see from the new lead with the old lead. if i were writing this, i would have them take billie under their wing and teach her the craft, but billie being th smart cookie she is y’know does the reading and puts two and two together and is like “are you guys the charmed ones?” and by this time the girls genuinely trust billie enough to tell her the truth. it’s not a bargaining chip.

then. okay. you know how you can repress memories? like if something happened to you that was So Traumatic you can genuinely just forget that shit ever happened completely wipe it from your mind? okay. so like billie doesn’t like halloween. and paige is like you’re a college student how can you not like halloween and billie’s like idk i don’t like it. so maybe she holes herself up in the attic or whatever bc she really doesn’t want to acknowelge the holiday and phoebe’s like oh this is so my division y’know advice all that the point is she’s talking to billie and blah blah blah and she has a premoniton. and she sees christy being kidnapped and a young billie terrified this that and the other and phoebe’s like oh my god that’s why you don’t like halloween and billie’s like what? and phoebe’s like that girl? she was taken?? and billie’s like no idk who that is and phoebe like i think he name was christy and then something in billie just cracks and the memory shoots up to the surface blah blah blah

and then once again instead of really shutting the sisters out and going on some vendetta or whatever we really see the sister sorta help billie through this once again strengthening the bond between the leads we know and love and billie bc if they all love billie i feel like we are much more inclined to like her than if billie just bugs the shit outta them.

blah blah blah i’m not bringing the triad back i’m not bringing christy back until like probs the finale or the penultimate episode the main villain i think would maybe just be like a warlock faction like the underworld’s been so pummelled no triad no source zankou’s gone the avatars wiped out a fuckton of them the charmed ones wiped out even more so if you were gonna make a move for the throne the time would be now. also be we got too many demons we need more warlocks.

also, in regards to christy, having her be raised by demons is really too morally dubious like again there’s just like this debate is christy actually evil or does she just have a really warped sense of right and wrong this new christy would have escaped from them young and begun this new rough and tumble life on the road training herself becoming powerful and honestly would probably end up more like canon!billie but uhh she has the skills to back it up. with then the dynamic becoming christy, as the eldest sister and the one who’s survived on her own for years always wants to do things herself bc a) she doesn’t want billie to get hurt and b) really was an insanely low life expectancy for herself and y’know billie’s in college and could potentially have a normal life whereas christy believes herself to be too far gone and then have billie really try to be there like yes you were alone but that doesn’t mean you always have to be and sorta the softness & sisterhood we would have seen with her and the charmed ones would really carry over into her own show as she and christy really work to y’know build that bridge