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yurimother · 3 years ago

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The Best Yuri of 2021

2021 continued to be another spectacular year for Yuri. The genre, which for so long was confined to small background elements or else the occasional schoolgirl romance has finally broken free in recent years. Now we have stories in every genre following all sorts of characters and stories both thrilling and tragic, sweet and sultry. While this year was a struggle for me personally, to say the least, as evidenced by the few reviews and articles I was able to publish, Yuri remained a constant respite. I knew I could always come to the stories I love across an ever-expanding variety of mediums.

This list is a celebration of the genre and the titles that gave me and others so much joy the past year. There are dozens more titles, both that I have had the pleasure of enjoying and that remain unknown to me that deserves a spot alongside this list, and I encourage everyone to share what Yuri series affect them most this year.

Here is the Best Yuri of 2021!

10. The Aquatope on White Sand (Shiroi Suna no Akuatoupu)

The Aquatope on White Sand is not Yuri in common sense, that is to say, it is not romance and does not feature any adoring kisses between girls, although there is plenty of subtext. However, this beautiful series about a passionate young woman and a failed idol trying to find herself and her future is one of the year’s most heartfelt projects. It managed to create a magical and expansive world inside the confined walls of the Gama Gama Aquarium. Viewers marvel at P.A. Works’s animation, which lends a serene and vivid quality to the nature and aquatic life of the aquarium, and resonates with its characters that struggle with broken dreams and an uncertain future.

The Aquatope on White Sand is streaming now on Crunchyroll.

Honorable Mention: Western Animation

Western cartoons have done so much for LGBTQ+ representation. Perhaps more than any other form of media they are clear and visible to all people, from a very young age. Whether they work to teach acceptance of oneself or others, depict dramatic romance, showcase exciting action, and just tell a cool story that happens to have queer people in them, I have enjoyed them all. There are some titles that are notable and enjoyable enough to earn their own spot on this list, more on those later, but other notable standouts this year include The Mitchells vs. the Machines, Castlevania, Q Force, Big Mouth, and High Guardian Spice.

9. Bloom Into You Anthology (Yagate Kimi ni Naru: Official Anthology)

The first Bloom Into you Anthology was technically released in Japan three years ago before the conclusion of the original series, however, the title was a surprise license announcement this year, as even some of the Yuri genre’s most popular series such as Citrus do not usually see their anthologies released abroad. But such is the power of Bloom Into You, which continues to live on and be beloved, is perhaps the most legendary Yuri series of recent memory.

The anthology featured incredible stories and artwork from some of the Yuri genre’s greatest creators including Fly, Canno, tMnR, Moke, Tachi, and more. This wonderful celebration of the series and its characters let loose for pure fun and fan service and it feels like the perfect send-off for this incredible series. Hmm? What’s that? Kadokawa is re-releasing the entire series as a webcomic? OH NEVER MIND!

Check out the Bloom Into You Anthology in English digitally and in paperback: https://amzn.to/353wl49

8. Young Ladies Don’t Play Fighting Games (Tai Ari Deshita. ~Ojо̄-sama wa Kakutо̄ Gēmu Nante Shinai~)

Speaking of surprises, Eri Ejima’s Young Ladies Don’t Play Fighting Games was a delightful one. An incredibly unique and hilarious series about two strange girls going all out in fighting games is made all the better for its awareness of genre tropes. Setting the story in an elite all-girls school, contrasting flowery imagery of lilies with panels that look like something out of a horror manga, and plenty of squeal-worthy moments make this series an absolute must-read for Yurijin. With the world in the state its in, it might not feel like there is a lot to look forward to in 2022, but the upcoming anime adaptation of this unconventional Yuri series is a definite highlight on my list.

Check out Young Ladies Don't Play Fighting Games in English today: https://amzn.to/34Zxc5S

7. Otherside Picnic (Urasekai Picnic)

This excellent hard science fiction series garnered an honorable mention on my list last year, but since then it has only gotten better! Author Iori Miyazawa is nothing short of genius and continues to build on his horrific and mysterious world while finally capitalizing on the relationship developed between Sorawo and Toriko, both of whom continue to tear away their outer layers to reveal their own secrets and stunning revelations. This series also received an anime adaptation that gave us a more lighthearted edition of the story and Mizuno Eita’s incredible manga that translated Miyazawa’s depth of character and terror into enchanting images.

Otherside Picnic is streaming with English subs and dubs on Funimation.

Check out the Otherside Picnic manga adaptation and the original light novels in English: https://amzn.to/3nGtxk8

Honorable Mention: Ride or Die

Ride or Die is an engrossing adaptation of Nakamura Ching’s Gunjou. This bloody and morally gray film follows Rei, a lesbian in love with her long-time friend Nanae. To show her love for Nanae, Rei accepts the responsibility of saving her from her abusive relationship by killing her husband. It brings an emotional tenderness mixed with a manic energy that creates a film unlike any other, a mix of tragedy and brutality, that treats its heavy subject matter carefully without feeling preachy or pedantic.

6. Arcane

Arcane is easily the best television shows to come out this year, and I would wager the best series Netflix has done since Bojack Horseman. Riot Games and Fortiche bring the world of League of Legends to life with a stunning mix of 2D and 3D animation and incredible storytelling that is inviting to newcomers and fans of the game alike. The series is an exciting clash between opposing forces and viewpoints, the upper and undercities, the use of technology for humanitarian and warmongering, and idealism vs realism. At the center of its amazing plot are two sisters, Vi and Jinx, wonderfully voiced by Hailee Steinfeld and Ella Purnell respectively. As many of my TikTok followers will know, I spent a great deal of time examining the show’s developing queer relationship, and I cannot wait to see what happens when season 2 releases.

Arcane is streaming now on Netflix.

5. Kiss it Goodbye

The only webcomic to make this list this year, Ticcytx’s Kiss It Goodbye is a short and sweet coming of age story about two girls as they fall in love. Framed as the adult couple telling their friends how they got together over drinks, this webtoon plays in your mind like the perfect teen romance. It is full of heart, hilarity, and some excellent illustrations. What I perhaps enjoyed most, however, was seeing the way Ticcytx showcased an asexual main character in a romance series and that was never an issue or problem that had to be solved for Yukimi and Aruka to have a happy, fulfilling relationship.

Read Kiss it Goodbye on Webtoon and Tapas.

4. Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon (Kaketa Tsuki to Donuts)

Shio Usui’s Shaikaijin Yuri story finally hit English markets this year and I could not be happier. Despite framing itself as a typical office romance, Doughnuts Under a Crescent Moon is a rather dark and yet very uplifting story about a young woman so frustrated and distraught with her failure to live up to society’s and her own romantic expectation. Thankfully, she is saved by the kind gesture of friendship from a coworker. Thus begins both women’s journeys towards finding love for each other and for themselves. It is a powerful piece that handles its heavy themes with grace and beauty. Doughnuts Under a Cresent Moon is a rather dark and yet very uplifting story about a young woman so frustrated and distraught with her failure to live up to society’s and her own romantic expectation. Thankfully, she is saved by the kind gesture of friendship from a coworker. Thus begins both women’s journeys towards finding love for each other and for themselves. It is a powerful piece that handles its heavy themes with grace and beauty.

Check out Young Ladies Don't Play Fighting Games in English today: https://amzn.to/32jmoib

Honorable mention: LoveStruck

The final honorable mention of this list is a sad one. Towards the end of 2021, we found out that Voltage Inc. was shutting down its US branch and thus their feature title, Lovestruck, would be delisted and ending service in early 2022. This otome game platform has an incredible history of featuring LGBTQ+ protagonists, side characters, romances options, and villains. It had some of the first series I saw featuring non-binary romances and was the only one that featured its lesbian characters starting families with children together. And all of it surrounded by fantastic writing and gorgeous CG artwork. I named the platform one of my best Yuri of the past 100 years in a guest post on Okazu celebrating the genre’s centennial, and I am devastated to see it die.

3. The Owl House

I mean, everyone knew this had to be on here. What is there to say about Dana Terrace’s The Owl House? Other than perhaps cursing Disney for the umpteenth time for not giving the cartoon a full third season. The Owl House is charming, fun, and dare I say magical! But, as you have probably surmised, the series greatest element is its central romance of protagonist Luz and her rival, turned friend, turned “girlfriend” (and yes, they use that term in the show!) Amity. The Lumity romance was building since midway through season one, and seeing the affection for these two characters build was so exciting. When the series finally capitalized on it and they got together I think every animation-loving sapphic screamed! What's more, we still have half a season and three specials to go! Unlike Korra or She-Ra we get to see more of these two as a couple in the main series before its conclusion, and it looks like we will not have to wait much longer.

The Owl House is streaming now on Disney+ and airing new episodes on The Disney Challel this year.

2. Whisper Me a Love Song (Sasayaku You ni Koi o Utau)

School Yuri romances are boring at this point. All Yurijin have seen them, read them, and know their trappings. A cool and controlled upperclassman. A younger, more energetic, and naive kohai. They both struggle with their feelings, there is a dose of melodrama, they fail to ever communicate, and they end up together the end. So why is Eku Takeshima’s Whisper Me a Love Song topping popularity polls? If you ask me, it is just how much these characters like each other. Himari and Yori’s relationship is so passionate and exciting. They find every chance they can to talk, spend time together, and just enjoy each other so much. It is downright infection and exceptionally charming. This manga has me smiling the entire way through.

Check Out Whisper Me a Love Song: https://amzn.to/3tMk52w

And the top Yuri of 2021...

1. I’m in Love with the Villainess (Watashi no Oshi wa Akuyaku Reijou)

I usually save the top slot on this annual list for a movement or feature of Yuri rather than an individual title. However, as I drafted the article it became clear that I’m in Love with the Villainess and everything it does and stands for is that movement. Inori’s incredible series is one that could only be constructed by a queer person, and the result is a thrilling and romantic adventure, with a wonderfully fleshed-out world, exciting twists, and phenomenal characters. However, this series best aspects are when Inori leans on her experiences, detailing real-life social issues and incorporating them into the story, not the least of which is the depiction of LGBTQ+ people, including women getting married and adopting children, transgender people coming to terms with their identity, and the reactions of friends, the public, and institutions to said identities. This series is the future of Yuri, a Yuri work that lives up to the genre’s roots and fully embraces everything it means to be gay. And for that, it deserves every honor and can give it and more.

Read the amazing light novel series in English digitally and in paperback: https://amzn.to/33PVdfc

#Yuri #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+#queer #gay #lesbian #lesbians #girls love #gl #wlw #top ten #list #article #2021 #anime #manga

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famousinuniverse · 1 year ago

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Marie Anne de Bourbon (1697–1741) Better known as Mademoiselle de Clermont

Marie Anne de Bourbon was Surintendante de la Maison de la Reine to the French queen Maria Leszczyńska. She was the daughter of Louis III, Prince of Condé. Her father was the grandson of le Grand Condé and her mother, Louise Françoise de Bourbon, Mademoiselle de Nantes, was the eldest surviving daughter of Louis XIV of France and his maîtresse-en-titre, Madame de Montespan. She was known as Mademoiselle de Clermont.

Born: October 16, 1697, Paris

Died: August 11, 1741, Petit Luxembourg

Spouse: Louis, Duke of Joyeuse (m. 1719–1724)

Parents: Louise Françoise, Princess of Condé, Louis III, Prince of Condé

Grandparents: Louis XIV, MORE

Great-grandparents: Louis, Grand Condé, Anne of Austria

Little is known of this group portrait showing a seated white female figure, currently identified as Marie-Anne de Bourbon (1697–1741), better known as Mademoiselle de Clermont, and several unidentified Black models. The painting aligns with the genre of historicised portraits, that is, representations of actual sitters in a fantasy or allegorical setting. The seated woman at the centre was the youngest child of Louis III de Bourbon, Prince de Condé and of Mademoiselle de Nantes, an illegitimate (though subsequently recognised) daughter of Louis XIV. Nattier shows Mademoiselle de Clermont in the guise of a Sultana in a harem, an erotically charged space in the Western imagination. The painting is thus an early example of 'Turquerie' — a depiction in an imaginary 'Turkish' vein — that slowly emerged as a new fashion in the years around 1720. This setting provided the artist with an excuse to include Clermont’s exposed lower legs and knees, elements that would have been unacceptable in a formal court portrait. The fantasy setting may also provide some rationale for the presence of the other women in this painting: six Black figures who are grouped around the seated Clermont. As people of colour, such women would not have been typical habitués of the eighteenth-century French court; their presence here thus enhances the exotic mood created by the ‘Turkish’ allusions. Today, their identities are unknown, though given the specificity with which the artist has rendered their features, we might suppose he worked from actual models or print representations, rather than purely from his imagination. It is also worth noting that the painting was made only a few short decades after the establishment, by Clermont’s ancestor Louis XIV, of the Code Noir. This notorious document codified slavery in the French colonial empire. It is likely, therefore, that the women represented here would have been understood by contemporary viewers as enslaved. Alluding to power dynamics that make the today’s viewer uncomfortable, the presence of these women of colour in relation to Clermont would have reinforced the eighteenth-century viewer’s perception of her wealth and status. The fact that the image is so dominated by Clermont may suggest that she was deeply involved in constructing its iconography. Yet Nattier’s painting contrasts markedly with Clermont’s public image and her official function of Surintendante de la maison de la Reine (senior lady-in-waiting to the Queen) from 1725. It may have been intended for her private collection, or as a gift from her to a close associate. Unfortunately, the early provenance of the work is unknown. The painting was only shown at the Salon of 1742, nine years after its creation, a clear indication that its public display was not acceptable while Clermont was still alive. In the context of our ongoing equity, diversity, and inclusion initiative here at the Wallace Collection, research on this painting, its making, and its meanings is still ongoing. If you have any information to share, we invite you to contact [email protected].

Date: 1733 Object Type: Painting Medium: Oil on canvas Image size: 109 x 104.5 cm Inv: P456 Location: Billiard Room

Jean-Marc Nattier

Mademoiselle de Clermont en Sultane

France (1733)

Oil on canvas, 109 x 104.5 cm.

[x] [x]

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jdramasource · 2 years ago

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Hello, Can you recommend me some good jdrama?? Romance or anything

I hope you have a nice day ❣️

Hi! Hope some of these recommendations peak your interest.

First you can check out this ask and these recs by @storge which both include only romance recs! And also this amazing Jdrama recs of all kinds of genres here by @motodaka!

— Here’s some recent romance dramas:

*I personally haven’t finished all but at least watched a few episodes of those I haven’t! (personal favorites will have a star ☆)

Ore no Kawaii wa Mousugu Shohikigen!? (2022) ☆

Koi Nante, Honki de Yatte Do Suru no? (2022)

Buchou to Shachiku no Koi Modokashii (2022)

Fight Song (2022)

Kieta Hatsukoi (2021) ☆

Koi Desu: Yankee-kun to Hakujou Garu (2021)

An no Ririkku: Sakuragi An Haiku Hajimetemimashita (2021) ☆

Douse Mou Nigerarenai (2021)

Kanojo wa Kirei datta (2021)

Boku no Satsui ga Koi wo Shita (2021)

Renai Mangaka (2021)

Kikazaru Koi ni wa Riyuu ga Atte (2021)

Oh! My Boss! Koi wa Bessatsu de (2021)

Koi wa Deep ni (2021)

Shanai Marriage Honey (2020)

Toki wo Kakeru Bando (2020) ☆

— Here’s some non-romance w/ different genres:

Shoujiki Fudousan (2022)

Kichijoji Losers (2022)

Dr. White (2022) ☆

Wadake no Otokotachi (2021)

Kishibe Rohan wa Ugokanai season 1 & 2 (2020 - 2021) ☆

Seigi no Tenbin (2021)

Enjiya (2021)

Bishoku Tantei Akechi Goro (2020) ☆

Talio Fukushu Daiko no Futari (2020) ☆

Itsuka Nemuri ni Tsuku Hi (2019) ☆

#ask #recommendations #jdrama

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kwrittink · 5 years ago

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Making Sure

Pairing: Human!Reader x Werewolf! Bangchan

Genre: Fluff/Smut

Warnings: language, mentions of intercourse, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of knotting, intercourse, mentions of overstimulation

You stared at the bright pink paper in awe, heart thrumming with force inside your chest enough to make your fingers tremble with the echo.

That was impossible. You couldn't be-

Well, it wasn't exactly impossible and you actually would very much like to be- Sigh. You were scared to even complete the thought. False hope after all those years would break your heart.

The issue to trust that thin strip of testing paper was that everything you convinced yourself to be conformed with, every built hope after all these years would crumble to dust. Because history haven't been kind to some beings in matters of love.

And it wasn't a problem of your own body, gods forbid. It was because of who you loved - what he was.

Christopher Bang - your Chris, your Bangchan, the love of your life - was a werewolf, coming from a secular pure-blood family, to top. It didn't bother you the kind your boyfriend, actually was even something you've pointed out as a joke for him being from Australia, a country that withheld the most dangerous animals in the whole world.

The only thing that was surprising was the incompatibility of genes between his kind and your simple, feeble human species. Of course, there was a reason for that, which when you first decided to go steady and live together, he made sure to explain, in a way giving you option to back up from the whole relationship. So silly of him. What mattered that humans had, over the centuries, developed their genes in a way that made it almost impossible to be mated with other species that not their own? You loved him, anything else was manageable. If you or him wanted kids in the future you could always adopt, was it a little were-baby or a human one. Or both.

But it was weird. You had an irregular cycle naturally but didn't really worry about that - for obvious reasons - and maintained a really healthy sexual life with your mate, for his instincts of breeding you couldn't be suppressed, and you wouldn't want them to for the world. The weird thing is that you haven't been late for this long ever. It's been four months already and not a sign of blood.

At first you didn't pay any mind, only sighing at the thought of the cramps that would come once your period decided to show up - the longer it took, the worse they were - but no more of that crossed your mind. But after the third month, it started worrying you, and you went to the doctor but nothing was wrong with you, apparently.

One day, you started piecing some things together. Christopher had been away for around two months - three actually, with a little break he took to see you for anniversary - and you were already late for close to a month at that time. You had sexual relations as usual and, as always, he had 'impregnated' you, just for the sake of his instincts, nesting with you afterwards. The memory made you smile sweetly, even if you felt a blush creeping up your neck at the replay of that afternoon in your mind.

Either way, it was impossible. Wasn't it?

So there you sat atop of the toilet, staring at the former white strip of paper you had peed on almost with sarcasm, watching as it turned a hit pink shade gradually, eyes widening at the same rate. Still, you couldn't believe it.

A ping echoed through the bathroom and in the back of your mind you recalled the date, your birthday, and also the date that your boyfriend would be arriving from work, for a well-deserved break. And you weren't exactly sure of how to breathe, what to say act. Not wanting to believe a blessing but desperately wanting to be proved wrong, for once.

---

When Chris arrived home, it was quiet. Of course, he could clearly feel your presence in the house - probably napping - and smiled to himself while placing the bag on the floor, right behind the door. "I'm home," he whispered to himself, chucking his shoes off.

It wasn't till he reached the corridor, stripping off his coat that he smelled it. The scents of jasmine, orange and... Something else, a sweetness he couldn't quite place filled his nostrils and made him halt, right in front of the bathroom door. Whatever you were planning, Chris was already enjoying it a lot.

"Take off everything before entering," your voice instructed as his fingers barely touched the door, bringing a shudder through his whole body. Not hesitating he practically tore his clothes off, excitement coursing through his body heating immediately like a fever, then pushing the door open at once, eyes zeroing on your figure, sitting inside the tub in your birthday suit, water the only cover around your body. As he breathe in again the scents, it almost made him dizzy, that unknown particular tang stirring something inside of him.

"Hi handsome," you smiled at him, and his heart leaped, grin widening and shoulders relaxing, thought his gaze grew hungrier at the sight of your bare skin. "Are you going to stand there the whole night or come bathe with me?"

And that prompted him to move with a small grunt, seeing the glint in your eyes as the now full-standing need hit his navel with every step. But that could wait, he needed to feel you in his arms again, it had been so long. Too long.

"How I've missed that smart mouth," he said, dipping into the warm water right in front of you, hands immediately reaching for your sides and pulling you towards his body, happy with how your legs instantly wrapped around his waist, skin meeting skin almost merging together, lips connecting with yearning after a chuckle had escaped you at his response.

And then you was everything he could taste, everything he wanted to drink, to drown in, all he could feel. Your hands on his body were soothing, fingers mapping territory already claimed, grounding themselves back into their place. It was you, but... This time it was more, for some reason. He knew you inside out and was deeply familiar with all your scents, capable of recognizing your presence a mile away. And it was present, but had something that made his nose itch a little. Wasn't a threatening scent, just... Different. Nothing bad, his gut told him, just unknown. Later on he'd dwell on it further, now he had a different task in mind, and from the way you were teasing him, hands roaming downwards often, you too were focused on something more interesting.

Carefully, you were lifted from the bath and carried to the bedroom, not minding the wet state of your bodies as he laid you on the bed, hovering over you with adoring eyes roaming your figure. It always made you flush, just at if it was the first time, the first encounter.

"Hi," Chris once again smiled, your heart stuttering at the sight of his beautiful face, knowing you were the cause of the expression. "Happy birthday, beautiful."

At that he leaned, pressing his lips back to yours rather briefly, before nuzzling his way to your neck and downwards, tongue laving at you mating scar, nose pressed, inhaling deeply and a low, pleased rumbling inside his chest that somehow only made the inside of your thighs damper. Your eyes fluttered close when one of his hands that supported his weight at either side of you went to tease your chest, fingertips running as light as a feather over a nipple and coaxing a hum from you and a sniffle from Chris, still amazed at how he affected you.

Eyes trained on you he kept silently tasting you, pushing your body towards madness and reveling on your noises, almost torturing himself on the process.

"Chris, I need you... Please-" your breath hitched as finally, his fingers reached the scorching heat between your legs, parting them to give him better access and instantly intoxicating Chris with your needy scent, vision almost blackening and mouth salivating. He too, needed to be sheathed inside your warmth, but not yet. There was a process to avoid hurting you with his girth, as it had been a while since you two were together and barely could fit three fingers inside your wetness.

"Shh love, I know. I too need you terribly, but I don't want to hurt you, babygi-" He felt choked up as he, after retracting his fingers from you, to pop them in his mouth, the instinct in him needing to taste you to know if you were fertile. You always though it was hot and had your eyes wide open to look at the scene, so witnessed the reaction he had, brow furrowing with worry.

"W-what's wrong, Chan?" You tried to ask, voice practically lost and hoarse, hearing a growl starting at his chest, eyes closed and body tense. He'd never growled at you, certainly not in the bedroom, so the behavior was preoccupying to say the least.

At the other hand, Chris was trying to deal with the unknown, at first the scent and then the taste, anxious enough to break into a low growl right in front of you. He couldn't ignore that change anymore. But what was it? It wasn't another male, completely out of the question - you both loved each other to bits - but somehow it was another being.

Another... Being?

"Christopher Bang what is going on?!" You were starting to get annoyed at his lack of response, getting up to your knees to cup his face and maybe snap him out of the trance he found himself in. "Chris-"

"...nant?" All of a sudden Chan stopped growling, choking up half a word that somehow you were able to figure, eyes meeting yours with such intensity and emotion that it felt like a punch to the gut.

"Say it again?" Still you insisted, wanting to hear the truth from the only one that could give you that assurance, that could be sure there was a life growing inside of you.

"You're..." Chris breathed out shakily, as scared to speak as you were to hear it, a rare whimpering undertone to his voice that broke your heart, but made you understand instantly how emotional that made him. "You're pregnant, love. With my pup." Chris broke the news with a cracking voice and teary eyes, arms snaking around your waist to pull you flush to his body, the inferno that was his skin feeling soothing against yours, body relaxing instantly.

"Are you sure, Chan? Is it really true?" You dared to ask, breathless as you hugged him back tighter. While nuzzling your neck he nodded, giving the sensitive skin a peck that made you hum, happy and calm.

"But I," and he had to lean back and look at you, lustful glint back on his deep brown eyes. "I wanna make sure... That you're full of me," Softly, he pushed your body back down to the mattress as you chuckled, predicting that as much. You wanted too, to be sure you were positively pregnant.

"Then by all means, Chan... Knot me." You gave him the push needed to start moving again, palms previously holding your hips sliding further down to knead plumper flesh, the previous worry of stretching you out beforehand flying off the window as you teasingly ground up to his crotch, prompting a pleased hum and a quick pump just to coat himself further with both your juices and lining to yearning entrance, sluggish movements covering for the eagerness you could see stamped on his face.

"You know better than to fuck- Than to say those things to me babygirl," with one push he entered your heat at last, the pain of the stretch always there and present, but something you secretly loved so much it took your breath away, eyes rolling back as he moved, pounding your insides slow and deep. "I'll fuck so many more babies into you Y/N, do you want it?"

"Yes Chris- I want you to keep fucking pups into me," you breathed out, feeling his fingers sink on your butt cheeks as the words sank in. It was so much more than some fetish coming true, it was almost a miracle. Something he had inwardly wished to come true, even if settled with the knowledge that it would probably never be achieved. But the chances weren't zero, as it turned out.

Hips snapping, Chris drew out a loud groan from you as he started a faster pace, your walls clamping around him claiming his seed and from the way the was wound up, it wouldn't take so long.

"Fuck- I c-can't wait to see you so round and plump with our ch-children," you noticed that it was starting to get hard for Chris to speak, the stutter of his voice a clear telltale that he was about to spill at any second, and you probably never wanted his knot so much in your whole life.

"Then - ah! - cum and p-plug your mate... your mmh b-bitch," his whole body shuddered at your words, a grunting mixed with a moan bouncing off the walls as he pushed himself one last time deeply inside of you, hitting that one spot inside so perfectly that it made you see stars the next second, growing orgasm released just like that, in waves of heat that made you blind. Chris, further coaxed by your orgasm, couldn't help the howl that left him while cumming, so hard his whole body shook.

As his knot started to swell, doing exactly its work of plugging you so none of his seed escaped, Chris maneuvered your body from underneath to on top of him, with the pretense of serving as a pillow for you, as always. But even feeling weak, you weren't having it and, at the mere feeling of shrinking you sat up, grinding down to Bang, trying to get him ready for the next round.

"Whoa, I'm still a little sensitive love, just wait a little bit-" you pressed a finger to his lips, dealing with your own sensitivity, but used to the feeling already.

"Weren't you the one wanting to make sure I was full of your pups?" A twitch inside of you made you grin, and you watched his face blushing slightly, grinding again. "Besides, it's time you pay for all those times you fucked orgasm after orgasm out of me."

Biting his lip to stifle a whimper, Chris grinned at you. "Oh but that's just because my mate loves it, right?"

You snickered, leaning to quickly peck his lips. "Yes, and I'll make sure you love it, too."

___________________

masterlist

#chris bang #bangchan x reader #werewolf!bangchan #werewolf!bangchan x reader #bangchan smut #bangchan fluff

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an-organized-confusion · 3 years ago

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Okay. On the Every Noise At Once tangent....

So It’s easy to associate electro swing to Janus? Some Inverted Genres would include:

Zeuhl (Magma is cool stuff, I admit)

Mongolian throat singing

AI (as in computer generated music)

Psych rock for Patton (’cause Beatles)? We got some:

Korean electropop

Gauze pop (okay, I love Glass Animals a lot)

Nantes indie...

Pop punk for Virgil? How about...

Kazahk traditional

LULLABYE (Okay lowkey, he probably does have a few Rockabye Baby! albums... look. Sometimes you just want to fall asleep to “American Idiot” but chilled out.)

trombone brasileiro

Nerdcore [rap / hip hop] for Logan?

Neoclassical darkwave

bagpipe marching band

modern psychedelic folk

Just to recap with the Twins’ connection to them show tunes (which is actually pretty close to gospel and choir music too, according to this website). Besides my endless psytrance rambling, we got...

mashup (I LOVE that, that plus the adjacent plunderphonics... remix culture is my BAG.)

dance punk

big beat

breakbeat

edm

Russian rave (... I’m cracking up over that.)

Istg... I need to. I need to make character playlists from this shit. (What if I went through the official PLs and used inverted genre’d music. I kinda want to do that.)

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #(i love finding new music to listen to so this could be lotsa fun)

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chaos0pikachu · 11 months ago

Note

The show acknowledges these contrasting elements too with First often making meta remarks like "we're not in a thriller" (ep02) or "what thriller-fantasy bullshit is this?" (ep04). The show is self-aware it's just also sincere. It does want to be taken seriously, while also letting the audience in on the fantasy of it all. It lures the audience in with the idea of simplistic sex scenes, when in reality it's exploring complexities of sexual desire, kink, sex work, and relationships alongside a mystery (maybe murder maybe missing persons). It is, I would argue, asking the audience to confront their own bias around sex and sex work and the depiction of it in media - the commentary in ep04 about this is very meta imo.

It's juggling a lot of genre play here, how well, that'll be up to individual mileage.

I think so far, it's only improving each episode, the pacing of ep01 and ep02 were rough imo but that's gotten better. One of the things I originally liked about Only Friends was it's editing and use of various framing devices - social media, confessionals - but that was quickly dropped unfortunately. Leaving the rest of the series after ep06 to feel very generic in it's filming.

Playboyy isn't generic, it employs a framing device - the news reports specifically - to set up its thematics each episode and I wouldn't be surprised if Nant becomes the focus of one of those news reports by the end of the show. Not all it's sets are great - the set with the second Teena, Nont, and Zouey confrontation in ep03 was rough - but for the most part they add to the surrealism of the show itself; the fantasy of it all. The lighting choices are effective, and add to the aesthetic.

A lot of Thai BLs lack a strong visual aesthetic, which is fine. it isn't required, but I am thoroughly enjoying that Playboyy is engaging in actual visual language.

Hi chaos,

So people on other socials are saying playboyy is camp? I don't quite get that vibe so I'm asking do you? Why?

*cracks neck* okay let's do this; this got wildly long so I'm putting a chunk of it behind a cut b/c unlike some blogs I'm not gonna subject anyone to endless and endless scrolling just b/c I added pictures anyway~~

So people are probably getting this from Den himself:

I talked about camp an itty bitty bit before, specifically I quoted Susan Sontag who was an American academic, novelist and writer mostly known for her essays. You can read more about her here. Specifically I quoted her essay Notes on Camp:

(source)

I really recommend reading the entire essay, it's a bit dated, but Sontag also makes a point that camp changes with the times as well. This essay was written, after all, in 1964, before Hairspray (1988), Batman (1966), Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), or Mommie Dearest (1981) which are considered camp classics now. However there's a lot of good stuff to learn in her essay and she also names a lot of prominent either queer creators - Oscar Wilde, Jean Cocteau - or prominent figures that the queer community sorta like, claimed - Bette Davis, Greta Garbo.

Camp is a concept, it's not a hard and fast rule. Not every film or TV show that gets claimed as camp is intended to be camp - Showgirls and Mommie Dearest are sincere in their intentions, they are not trying to be camp at all, but through sheer accidental glory they stumbled right into the camp valley. Similarly with a film I recently learned about via this amazing essay, Valley of the Dolls which was also sincere in it's depiction of drugs, sex, and show business but just ended up...campy (this is part 2 which is my favorite part but part 1 is great too):

youtube

I would also recommend this video by Kennie JD on Showgirls and you get a modern idea of how a non-film critic sees the camp in Showgirls even tho it's not intended as camp (Paul Verhoeven is never going for camp in his films he's often going for satire and yet, alas lol):

youtube

Okay so this is getting away from me, the question was "Is Playboyy Camp?"

I would argue, yes but definition but it's more classic definition rather than what people probably associate with "camp" in the modern day. Which is "bad" films, or so-bad-they're-good films, or drag queens - would love to see Zouey in full drag actually - but Rocky Horror isn't a "bad" film, heck Showgirls isn't a "bad" film, neither is But I'm a Cheerleader or Jawbreakers, or many other camp classics. Some are "bad" in that they didn't achieve their intentions - again Mommie Dearest is a great, if unfortunate, example of this actually - but films that intentionally try to be camp tend to fail, like Cat and the Hat starring Jim Carrey. They're to fake, they try to hard.

As Sontag said, camp is both sincere and pure and it is also abstract and highlights aesthetic first and foremost.

Showgirls grabbed people in part b/c it's so so so very over the top; from the acting yes but also the costuming and set design. But I'm a Cheerleader had a way smaller budget, but it's very aesthetics focused:

I've seen people say that Playboyy looks "fake" or "artificial" but so does But I'm a Cheerleader. However artificial is the wrong word, imo, to use here; rather both are camp and surreal. They're going with surrealistic aesthetics to emphasize the emotions of the characters and also, cause gays like color. We love that shit. It stands out. It's fucking fun, it's campy!

I don't think Playboyy is strictly camp but it does take inspiration from camp - it pushes its priorities of the film making to be about the aesthetics rather than emphasizing reality. It's not uninterested in reality - the discussions of sex work in a amoral way (which sidenote I think is a good thing), of sexual desires, the complexities of relationships and boundaries, the acknowledgement of kink etc - but it's uninterested in presenting the world of the show solely through a "realistic" lens visually.

Fantasy is part of the narrative of Playboyy thus that is reflected in the visuals.

BIAC is part satire, which I wouldn't say Playboyy is, since it's not satirizing anything specific - unlike Lovely Writer attempted and didn't accomplish imo doing well from what I watched - it's clear to me that Den is playing a lot with genre. Now how well him and Cheewin the director are accomplishing this, well that's up to individual interpretation.

I can't force people to like Playboyy as much as me - even tho I'm right - b/c I'm not a weirdo and we all like different shit. I do think that Playboyy is using like, actual cinematography however. Like I see that word thrown around a lot and then people provide really like basic examples. Like I'm so sorry but 2Gether's cinematography is basic at best and boring at worst. Two dudes standing in a badly lit room in a mid-shot does not impressive cinematography make - which is fine because a lot of these shows are made on shoestring budgets.

I don't expect Moonlight level cinematography from gmmtv or MeMindY shows. And Playboyy doesn't have that level either it can't it's clearly also made on a small budget.

That said it IS filmed with purpose, and with a specific visual language. Not every shot is great but I do love the sincerity here, it's using color, lighting, and set design with actual thought to enhance the overall aesthetics of the show, enhance the fantasy at play, the camp.

Camp films aren't inherently "bad" films. They make you laugh, scream, and the best ones, actually do say something or spark discussion. Rocky Horror is meaningful to people, But I'm a Cheerleader means something to people, they're both unashamedly queer films that were both kinda bombs - critically and financially - and then slowly gained a cult following b/c they were way ahead of their times.

I get the feeling if camp applies to Playboyy at all it's in that sense, a series that's being pretty harshly maligned and disregarded critically at the moment, but that actually has a ton to say and may end up gaining a following down the line after it's over.

This was like, wildly long and I apologize lol

#chaos pikachu speaks

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dr-m-r-ma · 3 years ago

Text

Follow Me

Genre: angst, drama Rating: PG 13

Part IX

People were buzzing about, but to Eunjoo, it just sounded like white noise. The pain in her arm began to fade as she shifted her eyes on the man.

He took a step forward, holding his knife forward.

She pivoted her feet towards him, but stayed in place.

He seemed taken aback that she didn’t cower back or take steps backward, but he seemed to think it was too late to turn back. As he lunged forward like a wild beast, he swung his arm around, as if to stab Eunjoo multiple times in the stomach and sides.

*Crack*

“헐… 저 분… 존나 쎄…” (Translation: “Whoa… that person… is fuckin’ strong…”) The crowd murmured in the back.

He miscalculated.

After all, Eunjoo’s identity wasn’t widely known to the public -- she was simply a bodyguard and not a violent crimes inspector with years of martial arts experience. She stared down coldly at the man, who whimpered pitifully on the ground.

In a matter of seconds, she managed to land heavy blows on his rib and jaw, including a low kick. It brought him to his knees, giving her easy access to knock the knife out of his hand. Of course, she wasn’t able to completely dodge all of his attacks, but she managed to get away with shallow cuts here and there.

She squatted down, coming down to eye-level with the man. “대답해. 너 누구야? 누가 보냈고, 목적이 뭐야?” (Translation: “Answer. Who are you? Who sent you and what is your purpose?”)

“풋--!” (Translation: “Pfft--!”)

Eyebrow twitching, Eunjoo threaded her hand and gripped sharply at the man’s hair. “웃어?” (Translation: “Did you just laugh?”)

Without warning, a bony hand seized Eunjoo by the throat.

‘이런 개 쓰레기--!’ (Translation: ‘This son of a --!’) Her hands swat around, trying to knock his hand off her. However, as soon as she let go of his hair, his other hand came around to tighten his grip on her neck. He wasn’t particularly strong, but he used the momentum to tackle her down and haphazardly squeezed his thin fingers around her throat.

Feeling the airways start to close and her body shivering consequently, Eunjoo knew she had less than half a minute to get out of his hold.

Swiftly bringing her right hand to lock over his right wrist while her left hand grabbed the back of his arm, Eunjoo concentrated on crossing her left leg over his right and right leg at the center of his legs. ‘10… 9…. 8....’ Looking straight into the man’s eyes, she smirked in between her gasps for air. Confusion flashed across his eyes, and just as bright red anger started to take over, she used her hips to flip him over.

Freed from his grasp, Eunjoo coughed, trying to catch her breath.

“..님! ...위님! 경위님, 괜찮으세요?!” (Translation: “...nt! … tenant! [Lieutenant], are you okay?!”)

It took a moment for Eunjoo to realize whose voice it was. And how close it was.

Her eyes fluttered as she whirled around to see Shownu walking towards her. ‘아.. 어떻게 빠져나온거야?’ (Translation: ‘Ugh… how did he slip out?’) Waving her hand in front of her while still catching her breath, she attempted to let him know she was okay.

But the idol did not stop. Instead, he always did the opposite of what she wanted him to do -- he walked more quickly towards her.

“이 년이!” (Translation: “You bitch!”)

From the corner of her eyes, she could see the man charging at her with the knife again. Fine. She could take him.

But Shownu was making large strides towards her. She wouldn’t be able to fight the man off without accidentally getting Shownu caught up and hurt in the midst of it.

So, without thinking further, Eunjoo ran towards Shownu and body slammed against him, pushing him back. Eyebrows crinkled in a frown, she looked down at his closed eyes. Was he hurt? Did he faint? His eyes opened immediately after, wide with shock, unable to question her. She growled, “제발 좀! 가만히 계세요! 제발 부탁하니까!” (Translation: “Please, just stay still! I’m begging you!”)

Before the attacker could charge in again, Eunjoo turned around to face him. As soon as he was a short distance from her, she swung her leg up and around.

*Crack*

Foot in contact with his head.

*Thud*

Her foot swung down and his head slammed against the tiled floor.

*Silence*

Well, a moment of silence, before the crowd broke out into part screaming and part cheering. Ignoring the mass of people as usual, Eunjoo reached into her jacket pocket and pulled a pair of handcuffs. After cuffing the attacker’s hands behind his back, she was finally able to relax. She plopped down next to the body and texted her team for backup.

“...님. 경위님. 한은주씨!” (Translation: “...nant. [Lieutenant.] Han Eunjoo[-ssi]!”)

Snapped out of her daze, Eunjoo looked around for the source of the frantic voice. She turned her head slowly, her eyes coming in contact with Shownu’s worried expression. He pointed his finger back at her, which made her frown for a second at his rudeness. But soon, she realized what he was trying to say.

A familiar warm sensation seeped through her clothes and spread like wildfire across her shoulder and back.

‘아이씨…이런걸로 다치다니… 한은주.. 무슨 싸움 못 하는 바보가 됐냐…’ (Translation: ‘Shit… I can’t believe I got hurt like this… Han Eunjoo.. Did you become an idiot who can’t fight or what…’) She looked down at her hands, taking note of the knuckles turning deep reddish purple. She could feel the scratches on her face, but the slash on her shoulder kept her from moving around too much to check other wounds. Her eyes drifted back to Shownu, who was now being pushed out of the area by his manager and security. His eyes were on her though, with an expression she couldn’t exactly read. It wasn’t completely of worry or concern, but it wasn’t a warm look either. Something about his gaze… pissed her off again.

TBC

#monsta x shownu #shownu angst #shownu fic #monsta x reactions #monsta x scenarios #mx scenarios #mx reactions #monsta x fanfic #mx fanfic #follow fic

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jungshookz · 6 years ago

Text

falling in crayolove; (kindergartenteacher!taehyung)

✎ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

✎ genre: kindergartenteacher!au, workingman!au, F L U F F, tiny bit of angst at the start :-( but this is literally 98% fluff; y/n and taehyung are like two little kids with little crushes on each other

✎ trigger warning(s): implications of getting an abortion!!

✎ wordcount: 10.5k

✎ summary: y/n is a very single mom and taehyung is a very single kindergarten teacher. emma knows exactly what she needs to do.

✎ note: okay LOOK before you get into reading, this isn’t technically a full fic! this is what happens when you cross a full fic and a baby drabble = this is a BABY FIC which explains why the word count is much smaller compared to the usual! (ps i will probably?? be writing more baby fics for characters such as garbageman!tae or.,,. oTher characters that i can’t think of right now lmao) i was originally going to leave kindergarten!tae as it was and i was just going to continue to write baby drabbles for him but i felt like he deserved a fic?? buT then i was conflicted because his original drabble literally already tells us the full story and i was like ok.,. what else is there to say.,,. sweats,,.. anyways this is what i ended up with! in case you were wondering, yES the original drabble is included in this fic since it’s a crucial part of the story and it would have been a waste to not use it but if you don’t want to read that you’re welcome to just skiP on over to the end lol. also emma is four years old and tae is a pre-kindergarten teacher because i changed my MIND - enjoy!!

pst if u wanna talk to y/n or emma or tae u know what to do ;-)

(gif isn’t mine!)

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

ah, yes.

to be young and i-

“i’m pregnant?!”

the reason why you came to the doctors today was because you thought you had some sort of stomach flu

at first it wasn’t a big deal

but then it started getting worse and you literally thought you had a parasite from eating at that dingy sushi place and you were mad at jin for like a week because it was hIs idea to go there and it’s not fair that hE didn’t get an upset tummy >:-(

jin reminded you that he warNed you about the sea urchin and you responded by smacking the back of his head

you have to admit

it is relieving to know that there isn’t a dangerous parasite living inside of you and feasting on your organs

it’s a,.,. ???

how would one describe a baby as a parasite

a perfectly natural parasite living inside of you!

well

it certainly explains things

the sudden onslaught of violent puking in the morning

you thought it was because your yogurt was starting to get a little funky but apparently it’s because there’s a baby growing inside of you!!!11!!!!

also you should probably start learning how to be more aware of the things that you’re putting inside of your body

also

this should have been a big hint: your period didn’T come this month and your red rain has never EVER been late

“but… i don’t understand.” you let out a breath and lean back against the reclining chair while staring up at the ceiling fan

the lightbulb flickers

“i- we use condoms and- we practice safe sex!!!” you exasperate and sit back up to look at dr. kim “we’re very vERy safe!!!”

“condoms are only effective 98% of the time.”

“yeAH that’s a preTTY BIG percentage” your knuckles grow white as you clench tightly around the arms of the seat in frustration

98%!!!!!!!

that means there was a 2% chance that the condom didn’t work and obviously you are part of that 2%!!!!!

“do you take birth control pills?”

“um, is the sky blue?? yes!!!!” you reply as if it’s the most obvious answer in the entire world

“the sky’s grey today.” dr. kim raises a brow at you before pointing behind you out the window “do you take them consistently?”

“ye-“ you press your lips together “…s…?”

sometimes you.,.., skip a day or two

you’re busy!!!!! you don’t always have the time to remember to pop a tiny pill into ur mouth

you didn’t think it’d be such a big deal

and you certainly didn’t think it’d result in u.., actually getting pregnant

“how many weeks…?” you trail off uneasily and pick at some lint on your sweater

you don’t feel so good now

it’s honestly probably because this baby is about to make you puke again but

oh god

you’re pregnant

you’re barely legal and you’re pregnant

you still see yourself as a kid!!!

you’re a kid who’s going to be raising a kid!!!!!!

kids should NOT be raising kids!!!!!!

“you are about… six weeks pregnant.” dr. kim flips through a chart before looking up at you with a small smile “currently, your baby is about the size of a sweet pea…”

in case it’s not clear

it takes two to tango

in this case

your tango partner is none other than son hyun-woo

otherwise known as

shownu

you’re going over to his apartment for dinner tonight and as much as you doN’t want to tell him you’re pregnant, he’s probably going to become suspicious when your stomach starts growing bigger and rounder as the months go by

you’ve been with shownu since grade eleven

it’s been a great four years!!!

shownu is very sweet and kind and caring and handsome and every other positive adjective that’s ever been recorded in the dictionary

you even chose to go to the same university as him just so you guys could stay together

he’s the captain of the soccer team which is a fact that you like to share with literally everYone because..,,. why wouLDn’t you brag about your soccer captain boyfriend

he’s… he’s the love of your life and that’s one thing you know for sure

you see yourself getting married to him and having kids with him and growing old with him

,..,you’re just not sure if he’d be down to do all of that stuff starting noW

you wipe your sweaty palms down on your leggings as shownu sets the plate of fried rice in front of you “i know you don’t like spicy things, but i threw in a liTTLE tiny baby bit of kimchi in here” he hums and takes a seat across from you “it should be fine though… if not, i made a backup plate of plain fried rice for you!”

you have half a mind to start off the announcement with ‘ah, yes, speaking of baBiES-‘ but perhaps that’s not the best approach to this delicate situation

frick

maybe you should tell him later

but.,,. it’s better to tell him soOner than later

you just don’t know what’s going to happen and you hate it when you’re unable to predict things

how is he going to take it??

he’s usually a very supportive boyfriend but this is a completely nEW kind of supportive

“by the way, thanks for helping me out with my sociology presentation. it went pretty well except for when the prof started asking questions related directly to my slides but luckiLy i was able to bullshit and finesse my way out of-“

“i’m pregnant.” you blurt out

shownu immediately chokes and his fork falls onto his plate with a loud clatter

“you’re-“ he pats his chest a couple times and takes a biG swig of water

he clears his throat

“you’re- i’m sorry, you’re what?”

“i… am… preg…nant.” you mutter sheepishly “pregnant.”

shownu stares at you with wide eyes and for a second you think you’ve broken your boyfriend

and then he snaps out of it

“dude, we’re 19 years old, i don’t wanna be a dad-!“

ok first of all did he just call you dude

and second of all

“and you think i wanna be a mom? we’re both part of this and we need to take full responsibility for our actions. w-we should have been more careful but-“

“i was the careful one! you were the one who was supposed to be on top of your stuPId pills and you couldn’t even remember to take them everyday and now look where we are!”

“look, it’s not the end of the world-“ your fingers tighten around the napkin on your lap

“god, y/n, how dumb are you?! this is going to ruin my life! you knoW how hard i’ve worked to get this soccer scholarship and all of that is about to be completely fucking derailed because of this dumb fucking baBy and- i’m not- no!” shownu snaps and slams a fist against the table

water sloshes out of both your guys’ cups from the vibrations

the dishes rattle slightly and you immediately divert your gaze to your lap

“i don’t want this baby!” he exasperates and throws his head back before placing his hands over his face “god, my parents… what the hell are they going to think??”

he looks over at you and shakes his head “you planned this, didn’t you?”

“wh- what??” your brows knit together and you let out a scoff “what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“you planned this so that i’d have no choice but to stay with you because you’re carrying my child”

“shownu- obviously i didn’t fucking plan to get pregnant, it was an acCIdent and-“

“if you keep this baby, i will leave you.” shownu growls “get rid of it.”

at first you were upset

but now you’re just angry

how dare he speak to you like this?

“what did you just say to me?” you scoff and cross your arms

“i don’t want this baby. we cannot keep this baby. we will not be raising this baby. understand?”

jesus

“fine.” you murmur quietly “we won’t keep this baby.”

you swallow the lump in your throat and blink away your tears before letting out a shaky breath

“good.” shownu visibly relaxes and clears his throat before picking up his fork

he shovels a big bite of rice into his mouth “after dinner, we’ll make an appointment to go to the abortion clinic tomorrow afternoon. i think it’ll be fine if i skip the first half of training but hopefully we’ll be back before-“

the chair screeches against the floor as you get up and shownu immediately gets up as well “hey, where are you going?”

“you’re right, shownu. we won’t be keeping this baby - i’ll be keeping this baby. and i will raise my baby on my own.” you snap and reach down to grab your bag before storming to the front door

shownu doesn’t stop you

and you don’t look back.

the rest of the night goes by in a blur

it’s pretty fitting that it’s raining like crazy outside

you drop your backpack and keys on the floor once you get back to your apartment

you peel your sopping wet jacket off and toss it on the couch before kicking your shoes off

honestly

it feels like time’s stood still

it’s just white noise in your brain and you can’t seem to focus on anything

you flick the bedside lamp on and a cast of warm yellow washes over your room

you sit cross-legged on the floor at the side of your bed and let out a breath

the atmosphere is completely silent except for the sound of rain gently drumming against the window

a flash of lightning briefly lights up the sky

in the distance, you hear the slight rumble of thunder

you dial your mom’s number with shaky fingers and click the speaker button before setting it down on the mattress

brrrrrinnng

brrrrri-

your mom picks up on the third ring which was wAY sooner than you thought she’d pick up

“hey, look who finally called!”

you open your mouth to speak when suddenly you feel an overwhelming wave of anxiety and fear rush over you

you should have planned something before calling her

what’s the right way for a teenage daughter to tell her mother that she’s pregnant?

is she going to be disappointed with you?

is she going to be angry with you? tell you that you’re irresponsible and that she saw this coming from miles away?

is she going to tell you that this is something you’ll have to deal with yourself?

your parents worked so hard to get you here and they work hard to this day to continue paying for your tuition fees

and you’re about to tell them that hey, i’m pregnant

you haven’t even said anything and you’re already losing your composure

your nails dig into the flesh of your palm as you ball your hands into fists

“-i was wondering when i’d hear from you. your dad isn’t back from work yet but i’ll make sure to tell him that you called. i’m just making dinner now, i’m trying out this new pasta dish that-“

“mom?” your voice cracks and you clamp your lips together and shake your head

your bottom lip trembles and your vision starts to blur with tears almost instantly

oh god

you can’t do this

you feel your face burning up as you try your hardest to hold it back

a beat of silence goes by and you hear some shuffling on the other end of the phone

the first tear rolls down your cheek

“…honey, what’s wrong?”

and that’s all it takes

the rest of the tears follow in an unbroken stream

you immediately let out a pained sob before leaning forward and pressing your hands against the cold floor beneath you

you begin to cry with such force that your chest starts to hurt and your heart starts to clench and you feel like you could pass out at any moment

your mom can barely make out what you’re saying through your blubbering but she manages to pick out ‘pregnant’ and that’s all she needs to know

she waits for you to sob your heart out before deciding to speak up

she asks if you have the resources to raise a child

no, you don’t

she asks if you even want to have this child

yes, you do

she asks you if shownu wants to have this child

no, he doesn’t, but that doesn’t matter to you

she tells you how much she loves you and absolutely nothing is going to change that fact

after all, you’re her baby no matter what

you find comfort in knowing that you have some form of a support system and you’re not completely on your own

you turn and twist in the mirror as you keep your eyes glued on your bare stomach

you were about to take a quick shower but once you stripped off all your clothes you were suddenly moRe aware of your tummy

you don’t look pregnant

you don’t even feel pregnant

it’s just,.,. odd

knowing that there’s a living human growing inside of you

“it’s just you and me against the world, sweet pea.” you smooth a hand over your bare stomach and give it a gentle pat

just you and sweet pea

nine months seem to go by in a blur

shownu never reaches out to you and you never reach out to him

as far as you’re concerned you don’t want anything to do with him

as far as you’re concerned this is your baby and your baby alone

your ankles become swollen and your breasts become sore and weighty

your skin gets blotchy at some point and there’s not enough concealer in the world to hide the angry pimples dotted all over your face

ur mom says u were supposed to be glowing during pregnancy..,,. the only kind of glowing ur doing is from the gREASE

you find yourself casually throwing anchovies into your vanilla ice cream and topping it off with balsamic vinegar

you had to start taking online classes because it was becoming too hard having to transport to campus every day

every time you see a dog on the street you burst into tears because hOUHG my GOD it’S so cuTE *snorts*

you’re in the middle of a midterm when you feel sweet pea kick for the first time and it takes everything within you to not start crying in the middle of the examination hall

jin comes over to your apartment for study sessions but most of the time it ends up with him taping his earbuds to the swell of your tummy and letting sweet pea listen to some classical music

he goes through this phase where he’s obsessed with healing crystals and your apartment becomes scattered with rose quartzes and jaspers because he’s doing it for the baby

occasionally he makes you lie down so he can place small crystals in a circle around your belly button so that the healing energy will be absorbed into your body and into the baby

you’re thankful that you have a friend like him even though he’s literally a lunatic

your mom comes into town once a month and stays for about a week just to take care of you and make sure that both you and the baby are happy and healthy

as time goes on, your little sweet pea grows into a fuLL on watermelon

and eventually-

“jesus chRIST-“ your chest heaves with exhaustion as you lie back against the hospital bed

oh my god

that was the woRST eight hours of your life

your lower body is completely numb and you don’t even want to think about how buSted your vagina looks right now

you put her through a loT today!!!!

“here she is, mama!” the nurse gently places your screAMing bundle of joy in your arms and suddenly all the blood sweat and tears is completely worth it

“hi, sweet pea…” you laugh lightly as her tiny, mucousy hand wraps around your finger

she’s so beautiful

“i’m your mommy…” your eyes are glistening with tears of joy (aND pain) and you lean in to press a tiny kiss to the top of her head “just u nd me against the world”

well

that was four years ago

it’s pretty strange how quickly time can go by

four years ago you were nineteen years old

four years ago you were in a committed, loving relationship with someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with

four years ago you were in your second year of university; first year was a hellish nightmare and you were just starting to figure things out

four years ago you found out you were pregnant and your world was turned upside down

and now you’re twenty-three years old

a lot has changed in the past four years

you are no longer in a committed, loving relationship with someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with; in fact, you haven’t been in another relationship since shownu,., you haven’t even been on any dates

you are in your fifth year of university because you couldn’t graduate last year due to the fact that you were missing some credits; luckily you have moSt of university life figured out at this point even though you occasionally stiLL get lost on campus sometimes

you found a pretty stable job at a drug store a couple blocks away from the apartment

it’s not much but it pays the bills (your parents will occasionally chip in and help out if u need it) ((you’re very grateful to have the parents that you have))

jin is still a big fat doofus (he’s not aS obsessed with crystals but u keep them in the apartment because they’re pretty)

emma’s in pre-k now!!!! it seems like it was only yesterday that she started walking and talking

and now she won’t stop walking,.,. or talking

no tea no shade

emma is the absolute light of your life!!

and you would straight up SLAUGHTER anyone who would try to hurt her

:~)

she’s your little ball of sunshine who smothers you with kisses every morning to wake you up and writes ‘i lov3 mommy’ on literally any surface she can find (you’re flattered but u need to have a word with her about using lipstick to write on the walls) and always wants to help you make breakfast and dinner or fold the laundry or sweep the floors

emma is a peculiar little girl and you are so, so proud to be able to call yourself her mother

she’s compassionate and kindhearted and thoughtful and polite

she never forgets to say please and thank you

she likes to wait for you to get to the dinner table as well before digging into her spaghetti (she can’t pronounce spaghetti yet so she jumbles it together and it becomes spapeggi)

she likes watching nature documentaries (docummeneries) with you and would genuinely choose to watch that over the powerpuff girls or even spongebob and you were like ???? because yOU low-key want to watch spongebob and u don’t want to have to confess to your four year old daughter that you want to watch cartoons instead of a documentary

on mother’s day she woke you up with kisses and breakfast in bed!! she made you a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich and you have to admit that it was *mwah* very scrumptious

emma is very curious as to who her dad is or if she even hAs a dad

she thought jin was her dad and jin was only slightly offended at how hard you laughed at that when she brought it up

because all the kids at school seem to have dads and she only has a mom

which isn’t a problem at all it’s just,.,. she wants to know

like her friend hwayoung has a dad!!!

and his name is hwayoung’s dad

that’s all she knows about him

one time all the kids in class were talking about their dads and emma didn’t have anything to say but lucKily she was able to steer the attention away from herself

(“my dad’s a dentist” “mine is a doctor!” “mine is a cee-hee-ho! emma, what does your dad-“ “cee-hee-ho of what?” “…i dunno” “yeah, cee-hee-ho of what?!”)

talking to emma about shownu is a tricky situation

“your dad is a very, very busy... soccer player...?”

you don’t actually know what shownu’s been up to besides the fact that he’s on the national soccer team which is gReat for him but every time you think about that stupid boy you can’t help but revisit the night when he basically told you that you would ruin his entire life if you kept the child-

“how come he never visits?” emma furrows her brows as she tries to twirl spaghetti around her fork

the noodles are too slippery and emma yelps in surprise when some sauce splatters onto her face

“he… the important thing here is that you have mommy, okay?” you smile and reach over to wipe the tomato chunk off her chubby cheek “don’t worry about your dad.”

emma doesn’t know a lot

but she knows enough to not bring it up again

anyways

even though you’re a mother now

that doesn’t necessarily mean that you automatically have your shit together becAUSe-

“shit shit shit shIt shit” you curse to yourself as you vEEr right into the first parking spot you see

you immediately crank the brake and unbuckle your seatbelt

“i was going to park there, asshole!” you hop out of the car to see an angry looking mother glaring at you from her minivan and you give her a sheepish smile

“i’m sorry!!!! my kid just got off from class and i can’t be late because i need to drive her to ballet and-“ you’re definitely oversharing with this stranger and she obviously doesn’t care because she rolls her eyes and flips you off before zoOming off to find another parking spot

soccer moms are so aggressive

you double check that you have everything with you and you fish your parent lanyard out of your backpack and sling it around your neck quickly as you approach the front doors

you thought that once you became a mother you would instantly become more responsible more organised more matuRe

obviously you were mistAken because you’re still late to almost everything you go to

some things never change!!!!

you hurry your way down the hallway and pick up the pace when you see the swarm of parents standing outside the classroom

as you approach the crowd you get up on your tip-toes to see if emma’s been excused yet

you accidentally bump into a couple and a bit of your coffee splashes onto their shoulders and they turn around and give you a dirty look

“oh, sorry!!!! ….fridays, am i right?” you joke and they both scowl before shuffling to stand somewhere else

oof

tough crowd

none of the parents here like u that much

which is a real shame because you think you make greAt company

you’re just,.,, there’s a big age gap between u and most of the parents here

you’re one of the younger parents in the class

actually you might be the youngest

min yoongi and his wife (you forgot her name whoOps) are pretty young but they’re still a couple years older than you

and side note their daughter is adoraBle

emma is actually friends with hwayoung so you talk to yoongi sometimes

it’s nice to talk to someone who’s around your age

he’s just veRy businessman-y so it’s difficult to joke around with him

but he’s still a nice guy!!

speaking of yoongi and hwayoung

a bright smile makes its way onto your face when you see yoongi nudging hwayoung through the crowd of people before grabbing onto her small hand

“yoongi!” yoongi looks up and he smiles politely

he’s still dressed all spic and span in his suit from work

“ah! good afternoon, y/n. hwayoung, say good afternoon to emma’s mom.” he hums before bending down to zip up her backpack that’s just wiDe open

relatable

“good afternoon, emma’s mom!!” she looks up at you with bright eyes

she’s sO CuTE

“hi, hwayoung-ie!” you bend down and pinch her cheek before reaching into the pocket of your coat and fishing out a little caramel “don’t tell your dad,” you joke and yoongi snorts in response

“thank u!!!!!” she snaTches it immediately and you coo before pinching her cheek again

you get back up onto your feet “you guys on your way home now?”

“mhm. is emma still available for a playdate this sunday?” yoongi swoops hwayoung off her feet and props her up onto his hip and she immediately rests her head against his shoulder

“affirmative, sir.” you salute and yoongi rolls his eyes playfully “i-“

“emma y/l/n?” you perk up when you hear emma’s name being called

“yeah, we’ll see you sunday! have a nice night!” you turn to squeeze your way into the crowd and once you make your way to the front your heart immediately starts going boom-boom because

it’s taehyung

emma’s teacher

kim taehyung is uh

whOo

putting it simply he is a very attractive man and he’s only a couple months older than you so like you’re preTTY sure this is god’s way of telling you it’s meant to be

the only time you’ve really talk to him is during the parent-teacher conference and even theN you can barely get a word in because emma’s a little chatterbox (one time she almost let it slip that ‘mommy dressed extra pretty for you!’ and you were literally about to pounce on your child in the middle of a classroom)

he’s really sweet n nice and when he smiles that boxY grin you can’t help but smile aNd he’s endearingly dorky and super charming aND funny and he’s so good with the kids and OH my god his voice is like..,., silky smooth dark chocolate.,,.,. rich caramel.,, that u want to driZZLE all over your BODY

okay no R-rated thoughts when there are children present

don’t be weird

since he’s your kid’s teacher you’re not sure if that’s even allowed

the whole parents dating teachers thing

anyways

he looks so soft today

he’s wearing a crisp button up with a pair of jeans

he obviously let the kids mess with his hair because he has a little sproUT in his hair

and you’re pretty sure you have a glasses kink because you’ve never felt this way when seeing someone with their glasses sitting on the top of their head

“hi, yeah, that’s me- i mean, that’s not me, but that’s my child- you know what i mean” you blow a strand of hair away from your face before adjusting your backpack with a sheepish grin

woW what the hell was that lol

taehyung presses his lips together to keep himself from bursting into chuckles

you’re so awkward sometimes but he supposes that’s just part of your charm

he wants to tell you you look real cute in your periwinkle sweater

and it’s endearing how the laces on your converse shoes are undone

no doubt from your frantic running down the hallway (he notices everything)

but of course he has to keep it professional because you are the parent of one of his students it doesn’t matTer that you’re the same age as him and that he’s very very very veRY attracted to you

“hi miss y/l/n.” taehyung smiles kindly before ticking next to your name on the clipboard “emma’ll be ready in a minute! we did finger-painting today so the kids are taking a little longer to wash up. how was your day?” he suddenly remembers the little ponYTAIL in his hair and he yanks the hair tie off quickly

“oh, y’know, the usual. it’s not super exciting having to keep studying after four whole years of studying.” you snort before pulling your own hair tie from your ponytail and letting your hair down

“i admire that! education is important.” taehyung hums

your hair looks so soft

it probably smells good too

o god he’s being creepy stop being creepy

“i suppose you’re right. what else happened…uh… had a really good caramel macchiato and a mediocre turkey sandwich for lunch-“

“mommy!” you snap out of your little trance when emma suddenly ziPs out of the classroom

her little backpack bounces against her back

“hi baby!” you grin and swoOp down to scoop her up into your arms

you smoosh kisses against her chubby cheek while she giggles away before you plop her back down onto the ground

it takes everything within taehyung not to mELT into the ground because even tho he sees you do that basically every day it never fails to turn him into a pile of mush IT’S SO CUTE

“we finger-painted today!” she cheers and holds her paper up for you to look at

“yeah, mr kim was just telling me-“

“that’s me, n that’s you, n that’s mr. kim!” she grins and points to the third figure in the painting and almost immediately bOTH yours and tae’s faces go bright red

you think you might actually be on fire right now (even tho this isn’t the first time this has hAPPENeD) ((ur referring to the time the class made play-doh people and emma made one of you and one of tae and the play-doh versions of you two are holding hands))

“oh! that’s, heh, uh, that’s nice! that’s so good, you did a good job, baby” you clear your throat and your eyes flicker over to taehyung

he tilts his head and offers you a meek smile

“will you put it up on the fridge when we go home?” she asks as you tuck it into her backpack for her before ziPping her bag up

“mhm…” you get back up onto your feet and dust your knees off “say g’bye to mr. kim”

“bye mr. kim!” emma turns around and hugs his legs

her face is like on the same level as his knees so he’s basically kneeing her and are u an awful mother if you kinda laughed at that

“goodbye, sweetheart!” he replies with the same level of enthusiasm as he gets down onto his knees so that he can give her a proper hug and she gives him a sweet lil kiss on the cheek “have a nice weekend, hm?” his eyes flicker up to you and you feel your heart skip a beat

emma pulls away from him and skips over to you “oh, and don’t forget to tie your laces, emma.” taehyung hums as he gets back up onto his feet

you look down because you remember putting emma in slip-on converse this morning not-

“he means you, mama.” emma not-so-subtly whispers and you look down at your undone laces before looking back up at taehyung who’s looking very amused at the moment

there it is again

that fuzzy feeling in your stuPid heart

u know what

you have to get over it because it’s never going to happen

you’re an adult

you can get over it fine you’ll be finE

this is just a silly little crush

“how do you feel about spaghetti and garlic bread for dinner?” you clutch emma’s little hand in yours as you guys make your way down the empty hallway

look

spaghetti is the only thing you’re actually reaLLy good at making okAY

obviously you feed your child other things,,,.., she likes kimchi fried rice with chunks of spam,,.,. a refreshing greek salad,,.. peanut butter (beanut putter) and jelly sandwiches,.,., sometimes a little fruit salad,,.,.

“yummy! with extra cheese?”

“it wouldn’t be as yummy without the extra cheese… but we obviously have to go to our usual place to get a hot chocolate first…” you’re rambling on and on about hot chocolate but emma isn’t really paying attention

because she has concocted a sneaky plan in that tiny brain of hers

she knows you like mr. kim

and she’s positive mr. kim likes you back

you always get so red around him

and he always gets so red around you

and red is the colour of love

which means that you must love mr. kim and mr. kim must love you

and she’s been trying her hardest to try and get you guys to hold hands or touch butts or whatever it is grown-ups do to prove they love each other

but each time she does something she’s never successful!!!

she tried to tell mr. kim about you dressing extra pretty for him but you smacked a hand over her mouth before she could get it out

she made a play-doh mommy and a play-doh mr. kim and presented them proudly to you and mr. kim and the both of you just laUGHED in hER FACE

do you people think she’s just a SIMPLE F O O L

and she has to admit the painting of you and her and mr. kim is probably one of her weaker moves but it’s better than nothing

and u know what

she just wants you to be happy

because she loves you a lot

and you’re a good mommy

and good mommies deserve to be happy

and from what she knows

mommies need daddies (sometimes mommies can be with other mommies!!!)

but yOU, specifically

you need a daddy

and mr. kim is the perfect fit!!! she likes mr. kim a lot

he’s always really nice to her and he lets her braid his hair and he gives her candies and kisses her cheeks

this next part is all part of her evil plan and she’s positive that this time something will happen

all of her peers (including herself) have their own cubbies in the classroom

emma purposely left her snack box in there so that you’d have a reason to go back

AND she left a little note in there for you and (hopefully) mr. kim to read

emma is your child after all

meaning she’s a very verY clever girl

she just has to wait for the right time.,.,.

and the right time is noW

“mommy, my snack box is still in the classroom!!” emma stops in her tracks and you nod before pointing to the direction of the classroom

“go ahead, go get it”

“but i need to pee.” she squeezes her legs together and makes a face of discomfort “you need to get the snack box, mommy”

“i-“ you look back at the closed door of the classroom “mommy can wait for you to finish peeing and then you can go-“

“no, no, you need to go get it i need to pEE” the next thing you know she’s spRInting towards the washroom and you’re left standing in the middle of the hallway with question marks floating around your head

what in the hickory ham is going on

“gO GET MY SNACK BOX MOMMY” you hear her voice echo from the washroom

“alRIght alright” you snort before turning and heading back to the classroom

you don’t know why you’re suddenly so nervous

you’re retrieving your daughter’s snack box from her super attractive teacher that you definitely have a crush on there’s nothing to be nervous about

hi tae! emma left the ol’ snack box up in here!

whaddup mr. kim! mind if i just pOP right in??

yo Yo yOOoo have u seen a purple box anywhere?? because it belongs to emma and i need it

o god

all of these options are terrible

you need more time to rehearse your lines-

you’re about to reach up to knock on the door when suddenly it swiNgs right open and you stumble back in surprise

“oh shit!” taehyung reaches out and grabs onto your waist before you can fall flat on your aSS and you let out a squeak

in the midst of your almost-fall you’d grabbed onto his bicep and now.,.., he has an arm…, wrapped around your waist.,., while you have one hand on his bicep and one hand curled around the nape of his neck.,,,..,.,

the two of you snap out of your respective trances when you hear a door open down the hallway and you immediately leT GO of each other

also tae was right ur hair does smell really nice

“hi. sorry about that! i was on my way to the washroom and i didn’t know you were outside…” he clears his throat and prays to god he’s not as red as a tomato right now

“no, no! it was my bad, i’m sorry.” you reach up and scratch the back of your neck “i, uh, emma said she left her snack box in here.” you breathe out

“oh, uh, come in! i’ll help you search for it. it’s probably in her cubby. she’s always leaving things in there.” taehyung falls back into his ‘mr. kim’ persona as he leads you towards the cubbies in the back “let’s see… emma… here~” he bends down and you follow suit

oh my go d he even smells good is this aLLOWed

you perk up when you spot emma’s box

“hey, you’re right! here it is-“ you reach in and grab the box but you’re surprise when you notice the piece of paper stuck to the back of it

it’s an A4 piece of paper with a little card stuck to it and a note written in crayon on it

you recognise the card

it’s the business card of that little cafe you take emma to every friday after school

the one that you’re supposed to take her to right noW

‘mommy’s faveriate drink is karomal makkiatoe and mr. kim’s faverieote drink is hot chalklate’

“huh.” both you and tae are kinda just staring at the note

the gears are click-click-clicking away in both your guys’ heads

and then it hits the both of you at the same time

oh.

taehyung isn’t typically a ballsy guy but like

he’s feeling vEry brave all of a sudden

“can i take you out sometime?” he blurts out and your eyes widen in surprise

well

you certainly weren’t expecting that

the both of you get back up onto your feet and you tuck emma’s box into your backpack

your cheeks flare up and you let out a little chuckle before scratching the back of your neck “i… uh…”

“i mean, don’t feel pressured to say yes just because i’m emma’s teacher!” taehyung stammers “i just, y’know, i don’t want to overstep here but i think you’re a very beautiful woman and-“

“i would love to.” you clear your throat and take your bottom lip in between your teeth “yeah, i would love to. actually, uh- emma and i, we usually go to this cafe every friday - if you’re free right now, maybe you can come and join us?” you rub your slighTLy damp hands on the back of your jeans and taehyung immediately lightS up and nods quickly

“i would love that. yeah, just… just gimme a second to clean up real quick! i’ll meet you and emma outside?”

“great! yeah, totally. she’s just.. she’s peeing right now so i should probably go check and see that she hasn’t flushed herself down the toilet or anything” you joke as you make your way towards the door and tae splits off to head to his desk “i’ll see you outside!”

you shut the door behind you and you have to quickly press yourself against the wall and you nearly bite your bottom lip off to keep yourself from screaming

your heart is going a million miles an hour and there are butterflies just having a raVE in your stomach

as soon as you leave the room taehyung pumps a fiST into the air in victory because Y E S HE DID IT

“did you find my box?” emma’s sitting outside the washroom as you approach her and you raise a brow before nodding

“mhm.” she gets up and grabs onto your hand before looking back at the classroom door

huh

did her plan not work

she knows she’s not supposed to say bad words but what the h*ck

she really thought her plan would work!!!!

“mr. kim’s joining us for hot chocolate today, by the way. hope you don’t mind.” you add casually and a cheshire-cat grin takes over emma’s face

the whole time you and emma and tae are at the cafe emma can’t help but feel proud of herself

you and mr. kim are sitting very vEry close to each other in your booth chatting away while she sits opposite of you two quietly nibbling at a scone and taking small sips of her hot chocolate

S U C C E S S has never tasted so good

luckily enough emma’s ballet class was cancelled today and you secretly thank the gods above because you’re having a really nice time with taehyung and it would have been a big ol bummer to have to leave early

he’s so sweet and considerate and he’s a really good listener

and he’s sO funny and super dorky in the best way possible

“oh my gosh, don’t even get me started on nap time. i love watching the kids sleep!” he pauses and his eyes widen “i promise i wasn’t trying to make that as creepy as it came out… they’re just so cute when they sleep!!! …okay, yeah, that still sounded creepy.”

you’re having so much fun with tae you’ve barely paid any attention to emma which is totally fine to her because she wanTs you and mr. kim to talk more

it’s just

emma gets pretty sleepy after a good snack or meal

sometimes she falls asleep halfway through eating (she used to do that a lot when she was a baby) ((one time she fell face flat into a bowl of mushy peas))

and the blueberry scone paired with the hot chocolate.,., that was a good snack,,..,

“oh my gosh, look at the time-“ your eyes widen when you realise it’s literally almost seven o’clock

you turn to look at emma and immediately stifle a laugh when you realize what’s happened

she fell asleep

her mouth is agape and there are a couple crumbs dusting her bottom lip

she only finished half her scone and she’s griPPing the other half in her tiny hand

you scrunch your nose and turn back to face tae “em and i should probably head home…”

it sucks because it’s still pretty early and u really really wanna keep hanging out with tae but,,.,.

“yeah, don’t worry about it!” tae nods understandingly and dusts his hands off before sliding out of the booth “i’ll help carry her to the car.”

“thank you for treating us to the hot chocolates and scones, by the way.” you hold the door open for tae as he steps outside with emma in his arms

she has her arms wrapped around his neck and her chin propped up on his shoulder

she still has a death grip on that scone

“of course! don’t worry about it.” taehyung hums and follows you to your car parked all the way at the end of the parking lot “by the way - did emma get you to sign the parental form for the trip to the aquarium?”

“she woke me up this morning by shaking it in my face.” you laugh lightly and open the door for tae “i’ll sign it tonight so she can hand it in tomorrow. oh, the car seat’s a little tricky so you can just plop emma in it and i’ll take care of the-“

click

clack

zip

snap

taehyung buckles emma in eaSILy and you’re genuinely taken aback by how quickly he did that

usually it takes you like five minutes to attach the one on her chest

and uh,,.., you’re pretty sure watching him being able to smoothly operate a child’s car seat isn’t supposed to be hot,.,. but dat shit was kinda hot

“sorry about that. what were you saying?” taehyung pulls away and closes the car door shut gently

“uh,.., i was just talking about that aquarium field trip form.” you clear your throat and resist the urge to fan your face

“ah, right! i’ve been meaning to ask - would you maybe be interested in being a chaperone for that field trip? we already have a couple parents who have signed up, but,.., i don’t know, i thought maybe it’d be fun to,.,”

okay taehyung has no idea how to word this

he just wants u to be a chaperone as a sneaky excuse to spend more time with you lol

“emma actually tricked me into signing up to become a chaperone, so unfortunately, you will be stuck with me for like six hours straight.” you smile and punch tae’s arm lightly

“sounds like a rough time but i’m sure i’ll be able to soldier through it.” he teases and raises a perfectly arched brow

a moment of silence goes by and all that can be heard is the slight buzzing from the cafe’s neon OPEN sign along with the faint chirping of crickets

“so, miss y/l/n.” tae clears his throat “can i put you down in charge of sandwiches and juice boxes?”

“sounds good, mr. kim.” you playfully resort back to your proFesSional names and you both stand up a little straighter before bursting into giggles

you don’t know what it is

maybe it’s because tae’s the first guy in a while you actually genuinely romantically like

maybe it’s because it makes you happy knowing that emma adores him and he adores emma

maybe it’s because within a couple of hours he’s successfully wormed his way into your heart because he’s so warm and kind and caring

but you have an overwhelming urge to just-

ᵖᵉᵏ

you surprise yourself when you lean in to plant a tiny kiss on taehyung’s cheek

his eyes widen and his cheeks flush in surprise

he reaches up to adjust his square-framed glasses before letting out a small chuckle “i look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning, miss y/l/n.”

taehyung drives home that night with a megawatt smile on his face

anyone who passed by probably thought he was a maniac but he doesn’t care!!!!!!!

you kissed him on the cheek!!!!!!

he’s a maniac in love!!!!!!!!

you’re not any better

once you park the car in the driveway you let out a breath and then a little squeal and punch the horn compLetely forgetting that emma was still snoozing away in the back

emma peels one eye open to look at you and you lock gazes in the mirror

she immediately squeezes her eyes shut

you turn around and gawk at her “how long have you been awake for?”

“long enough 2 know dat u kissed mr kim on the cheek” she replies with her eyes still shut

goD

she really is a sneaky little bugger

“come on, mama - let’s go see your boyfriend!!!!” emma drags you down the hallway and you nearly stumble over your feet

“he’s not- mr kim is noT mommy’s boyfriend-“

“okay.,,.” emma pauses for a split second before her face lights up again “let’s go see your daddy!!!”

you choke

“that’s nOT ANY BETTER-“

surprisingly enough you made it a liTTle bit before eight o’clock when usually you always buSt in through the doors at like 8:05

the other parents are dropping their kids off for the day and it’s safe to say that this is the first time you’ve seen yoongi in the morning

he has a little bit of bedhead but

his tie is nice and neat as per usual

“good morning, yoongi! morning, hwayoung!!” you chirp and offer him a smile before reaching down to pat hwayoung’s head

“morning, y/n. morning, emma.” he smiles back at you before turning his head and letting out a small yawn

“good morning, hwayoung n hwayoung’s dad!!!” emma grins and bounces up and down on her feet

“morning, emma n emma’s mama.” hwayoung hums sleepily and reaches up to rub at her eyes whilst leaning against yoongi

huh

like father like daughter

“min hwayoung?”

you turn your head when you hear tae’s rich baritone voice

somehow it’s even 𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 in the morning

“alright, in you go. i’ll see you after school, chunky monkey.” yoongi bends down and gives hwayoung a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek before she’s scurrying off to the classroom. “goodbye, y/n. i’ll see you after school as well.” he pats your arm and you laugh lightly before saying goodbye and moving aside to let him through

“emma y/l/n?”

you’re about to sWEep emma up and smoosh kisses all over her face then say goodbye but she grabs your hand and vEry aggressively drags you through the crowd of parents and her peers “emma, what are you-“

“good morning, mr. kim!” emma greets brightly and taehyung looks surprised to see you here because usually he just sees the kid in the morning and not the kid’s parent

“ah, good morning, emma! morning, miss y/l/n.” he smiles shyly before ticking next to emma’s name

“good morning, mr. kim…” you trail off and reach up to scratch the back of your neck

it’s probably because u don’t have any coffee in your system yet but you can’t think of anything else to say

and for a second taehyung forgets that he’s literally in the middle of his job and he has like ten other kids to take care of

“mama, don’t you have something for mr. kim?” emma tugs on your hand and you look down at her before furrowing your brows and shaking your head

“no, i do-“

“yes, you do!” she moves behind you and unZips the front pocket of your backpack and you let out a sQuawk when she yanks you down slightly “here!” emma pulls a shiny red apple out of your bag and hands it to you

you take it from her and raise a brow “i didn’t-“

“you packed this this morning, remember? to give to mr. kim?” she blinks and squeezes her eyes shut before opening them as wide as possible

.,,.is she trying to wink at you?

you’re going to have to teach her how to wink proper- oHHHHHh

“right! i… did! i did pack- here you go, tae- mr. kim.” you smile sheepishly and hand him the red apple

goD

now you feel like a tiny little teacher’s pet because none of the other parents ever bring tae apples and apparently you bring him apples now!!!

“thank you!” taehyung laughs lightly “that’s very sweet of you, miss y/l/n.”

you feel like your entire face is redder than the damn apple “uh, anyWays! em, i will see you later.” you pat the top of her head before nudging her into the room

“bye, mama!”

you glance back at tae “and i will also.,., see u later.,.”

woWie

what an interesting start to the day

“i don’t know how she managed to sneak an apple into my backpack without me noticing.” you slam the car door shut and jin laughs a little and shuts his door

you fling your backpack over your shoulder and jin hands you the takeaway cup of hot chocolate

sometimes you pick jin up from his place after you drop emma off at school just because it’s on the way and jin says he would rather dunk himself in boiling water than go on public transport at 8:30 in the morning

he makes it up to you by paying for the starbucks drivethru drinks

“she’s probably picking it up from me. i am super smooth, after all”

you snort immediately “oh, right, like that one time you- shit!”

“okay firSt of all i would NEVER defecate in public-“

“no, i’m not talking about you, you weirdo!” you scowl before unlocking your car and opening up the passenger seat door “emma left her lunch bag in here…”

jin checks the time on his watch “if you go back and drop it off you’ll only be… twenty-ish minutes late to class? don’t worry, i’ll catch you up on anything that’s important.”

“thAnk you so much you beautiful man-“

seokin gasps and purses his lips “so you ADMIT it you think i’m-“

“oh my god not noW-“ you hop into the driver’s seat and fling your backpack to the front seat before shoving the key into the ignition

you bought one of those fancy sandwich cutters and emma’s peanut butter and jelly sandwich is shaped like a butterfly today and you’ll be daMNed if she doesn’t get a chance to show it off to her classmates

you parked the car hastily so it’s kind of crooked but it’s fiNE

your sneakers squeak against the linoleum as you make your way down the familiar hallway

and you heaR the chorus of kids singing coming from tae’s classroom

you even hear tae singing along

“five little ducks went out one day, over the hill and far away, mother duck said quack quack quack quack, but only four little ducks came back-“

you peek into the room a little and giggle lightly when you see tae wiggling his arms and shaking his butt like a little duckling

how precious!!!!!!!

:’-)

u hate to interrupt the fun morning song but you really gotta get the heCk out of here and go back to class

you already hate that you might be missing 20 minutes of class so you’re trying to minimiZe those minutes as much as possible

you give the bright red door a couple knocks and shoot everyone a sheepish smile when the entire class and tae turn to look at who’s at the door

taehyung tells the kids to busy themselves with the duck song before he excuses himself

“hey!” he steps out of the room and shuts the door behind him “what’s up?”

“hey… emma left her lunch bag in the car so i figured i’d drive back and drop it off so it doesn’t look like i’m a negligent mother.” you joke before holding it out for him to take

“the girl loves her beanut putter sandwiches, doesn’t she?” taehyung takes the bag from you and shakes it gently

he only knows that because she has it for lunch like every day and she’s always showing it off to her friends because ‘my mommy cuts mY sandwiches into hearts because she loves me!!!!!!!!!’

“i keep telling her it’s peanut butter and not beanut putter… i think she knows the difference but she’s just doing it because she’s a little joker.” you snort and look down at the takeaway cup in your hand

you feel bad for interrupting the class so- “oh, before i forget! i brought a hot chocolate for you. it’s from starbucks so you know it haS to be good-“

“first an apple, then a starbucks hot chocolate?” taehyung beams and takes it from you “if i didn’t know any better, it’d seem like you were buttering me up or something…”

“ah, was it really that obvious?” you tease back

a beat of silence goes by

the both of you are now fully aware that there is a mutual attraction here

the unfortunate thing is that you’re both still big ol wuSSIes

taehyung wants to ask you out on a proper date.,.,. which he did yesterday!! but then you kinD of asked him if he wanted to join you and em for hot cocoa and scones??

and he kinda wants to take you out on a date that perhaps doEsn’t include emma.,,. no offence to her, of course!

he just wants some alone time with u

“so… yesterday was nice!”

almost instantly your cheeks flush and you let out a light laugh “yeah, it really was…”

well

he has you alone

so he might as well go for it agaIN

taehyung clears his throat “hey, so… i don’t know if it wasn’t clear yesterday, but i… would you want to go out on a date with me? like, a proper one?”

“you mean yesterday wasn’t a proper date?” your brows knit together and taehyung automatically enters pANIC mode

“n-no, not at all! i kinda meant l-like, ah, i don’t know, maybe this isn’t a good-“

“tae-“ you reach over and pinch his arm gently “i’m kidding. i would… love to go out on a proper date with you.”

taehyung lights up immediately and nods quickly “how does tonight sound? i overheard emma and hwayoung talking about their sleepover tonight, but if you’re busy we can totally find another time to-“

“tonight’s fine! tonight’s good.” you nod and smile at him

taehyung’s heart skips a beat

he doesn’t know why he’s so nervous and stuttery around you

“i can come pick you up at your place since i know where you live-“ oH gOd okay reel it back “-bECAUSE it’s on the registry-“

“sounds good! you can text me what the plans are after class today so that i’ll know what to wear-“

ᵖᵉᵏ

your lashes flutter when taehyung leans forward and kisses your cheek just like you did to him last night

you unintentionally let out a little gasp and reach up to brush your fingers over your reddening cheek “mr. kim! keep it professional…” there’s a playful glint behind your eyes and taehyung can’t help but snort and roll his eyes playfully “besides - it looks like we have an audience.”

he glances over his shoulder and sure enough all the kids are squiShed up against the window in the door to sneak a peek at mr. kim and emma’s mom

“…scATTER-!“ you hear emma and you can’t help but laugh at the sight of the kids panicking and heading back to their spots

you open your mouth to speak

and then it happens

“mr. kim and emma’s mom, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-s,,,,..,,e?,,.i…a!!! i..?” the song trails off into unsure mumbles because none of the kids know how to spell kissing yet and you let out a groan and reach up to cover your face

taehyung stifles a laugh and shakes his head

“i think that’s my cue to leave” you kiss your teeth and point towards the hallway

“you’re going to leave me here to face the merciless teasing of all those kids by myself?!” taehyung gawks at you before turning to look into the classroom where all the kids are huddled by the whiteboard trying to figure out how to spell kissing as if it was some biG ol conspiracy theory

so far they have ‘khisign’ and ‘keccing’ and.,., one kid wrote down ‘kitten’

huh

maybe he should replace morning singing with morning spelling from now on

“i’ll make it up to you, mr. kim!” you’re already hALfway down the hall and taehyung’s heart goes bAbumP when you blow him a kiss

“i’m holding you to that promise, miss y/l/n!”

ah, yes.

to be young and in love.

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

Text

I'd be curious what @so-much-yet-to-learn and @absolutebl remember from the fandom experience in 2019, because I remember it as the year we as a fandom bifurcated around our specific tastes.

Beyond TT (which I absolutely refuse to watch) and Great Men Academy (which I finally watched years later and liked), I found myself emotionally caught up in 3 Will Be Free, Dark Blue Kiss, He's Coming To Me, his, His - Koisuru Tsumori Nante Nakatta, History3: Make Our Days Count, History3: Trapped, Kinou Nani Tabeta?, The Effect, The Untamed, Theory of Love, and Until We Meet Again.

This was the first year the "Watch and support everything legally" formation broke down. Many of us drew the line at TT after what happened on What The Duck behind the scenes and with the core premise of the show.

I remember being absolutely in love with What Did You Eat Yesterday? and feeling kind of alone in it. The overall muted reaction to WDYEY did not prepare me for everyone to like Old Fashion Cupcake so much, and I suspect it has to do with that scene in episode 4 that maybe sold it for people.

He's Coming To Me was the first time I really started paying attention to Aof as a creator, and that pushed me to watch Dark Blue Kiss.

I still feel angst about what they did to us on History3: Make Our Days Count.

I still feel some kind of way about fandom seemingly separating Chris and Jake for years after History3: Trapped.

I remember The Effect feeling like the first huge volley leveled at BL from within the genre.

Theory of Love still continues to be a show that I respect immensely but struggle with personally.

The Untamed... I was not prepared for how intense everyone became about something so censored. While I do really like it, it's been the most specific fandom I've observed in a while.

Finally, I stayed true to New Siwaj for years because of UWMA, and it's only now in 2023 that my loyalty is beginning to wane.

2019 is such a huge year for BL. I often wonder what might have happened to the genre without a pandemic changing the landscape so aggressively.

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: TharnType and Gray Areas Edition

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr last year and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings – and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the amazing current works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about that history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs directly or indirectly related to GMMTV and what that channel is producing now. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I’ll cover the very controversial TharnType, Asian stereotypes towards queerness, and the very difficult gray areas on how this show has been interpreted by various populations over the last few years.]

TW: homophobic and derogatory ideas and language against the queer community. Critical commentary on TharnType and MAME. This review is NOT for you if you are a TharnType or MAME Big Fan.

(I want to give very special thanks to @so-much-yet-to-learn and @lurkingshan for reviewing previous versions of this post and offering the most insightful feedback I could ask for. Thank you both so much.)

Alright. Deep breaths.

TharnType was a necessary addition to the Old GMMTV watchlist. It was. I had to watch it, for:

- the tremendous IMPACT this show has had on BL culture, along with MAME’s continued influence on the genre; - how this show affected shipper culture, and the rippling effects it’s had since then vis à vis MewGulf; - how this show continued to define “high heat” and “chemistry” in BL, and – at least for me, possibly the most interesting point to needle on – - what fans, ESPECIALLY the majority cishet fandom, are willing to compromise and/or equivocate on in regards to our values towards the queer community regarding what we consume in media, and how safe or unsafe it is for our queer family that this content exists in the first place.

I gotta say some stuff first before I get into this review. This is the worst show I’ve ever watched, in my own opinion. I offer this flag for MAME and TharnType fans in advance, as I get quite critical down below.

I am angry at this show, at MAME, at the BL industry for allowing this show to exist, and I unfortunately hold anger against Tee Bundit, who I know has since made shows, like Lovely Writer, that deeply criticized the BL industry (and I am enjoying his work now in Step By Step, even while I don’t hesitate to criticize it). ANYONE INVOLVED in the making of TharnType needs to hold personal and professional accountability for this show even existing. And I also think that fans need to hold THEMSELVES accountable if they defend it WITHOUT thinking about the long-term social implications of the existence of this show.

I want to also say that I need to check myself, OFTEN, as I write this, because I don’t want to be some fucking loudmouth, self-righteous ally-savior. I don’t. [My AMAZING drama friends, @lurkingshan and @bengiyo, have held me down during this watch. (Friends. Thank you. Good LORD.)]

I want this review to be as fair as possible to the nostalgia of the moment that this show aired; to note that this show gave high heat, which fans clearly demanded, and IS a worthy component of some dramas if it works with the rest of what the show has to offer by way of writing; and to note that many fans saw a chemistry in MewGulf that they hadn’t seen previously. I especially note that there may be survivors of sexual assault who related to certain pieces of this show, particularly through Type’s lens and his own anger.

With that very long introduction, I will note that I’m not going to talk too much about the show details itself. I don’t need to unwind on plot. For me – FOR ME – the show’s plot was problematic.

2019: earlier that year, before TT aired, you had He’s Coming To Me, which was BURIED by GMMTV, and was a TOUR DE FORCE of intricate storytelling and queer revelation. According to this amazing reblog by @so-much-yet-to-learn (another longtime BL observer who UTTERLY held me down during my TT watch, friend, I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR THE HOURS you spent me with talking about TT and other issues), shipper fans angry at Ohm and Singto went so far as to SHOW UP TO THE GMMTV BUILDING IN BANGKOK and PROTEST against the split of the KristSingto ship. This is why, in this TT review, I talk about fans needing to take responsibility and accountability for the media we consume. I believe TT exists in part because fans have allowed it to continue to exist in the universe of BL, and many even celebrate TT’s existence – all while, in my own opinion – much more compelling art existed before TT (Make It Right, He’s Coming To Me) and certainly after its airing.

In discussion with @absolutebl (yet another drama expert who held me down during my TT watch, THANK YOU, SENSEI), ABL Sensei brings up that, besides a natural tendency to criticize and blame MAME for our needing to have conversations about safety towards queer family, that TT does deserve to be criticized as a standalone piece of content.

I honestly don’t know, Sensei, if I’m mature enough to make that separation, but I will try. MAME herself doesn’t exist in a vacuum: she has an industry, from producers, to showrunners, to actors, to editors, to networks – that join her in the making of her work. I’ll do my best to separate everything, but.

I noted in my review of Love By Chance that MAME traffics in common Asian stereotypes against the queer community. At the same time, I know that often, we talk about the yaoi origins of BL in Thailand. I think, over time, the explanation of the yaoi origination has been used as a means of explaining WHY certain tropes exist, such as abuse of a partner, bullying, etc. I want to note that while I acknowledge those origins, I also strongly note (as I did in the comments of my LBC review) that yaoi origins are themselves problematic, as created by a majority cishet female artist base, and thus I question the accurate representation of queer themes both in yaoi and in early and/or questionable Thai BL that lean into common stereotypes held by Asian nations. (That being said, I do DEEPLY ACKNOWLEDGE @so-much-yet-to-learn‘s point to me that many in the queer community still consumed this media, as the West was producing next-to-nothing by way of queer love and/or queer perspectives.)

Much of what I saw in LBC and TT – gang rape, cheating, revenge, derogatory language, hurtful stereotypes of top/bottom and husband/wife – are repeat, word-for-word stereotypes that I heard from my Asian family growing up. Examples of what I saw by way of problematic stereotypes in TharnType include:

- Tharn repeatedly and casually calling Type “his bitch,” - The use of the F word, repeatedly, by Type, - Type attacking his out classmates, and indirectly attacking his friend, Tum, - The assumption that because Tharn and Tar are gay, that they are promiscuous (even Techno assumes this while leaving Type alone with Tharn early in the series), - Techno himself not calling out Type for his homophobia throughout the series, - The use of gang rape as a means of revenge by Lhong to Tar,

and many more. I will also note that I was incredibly uncomfortable by Lhong’s redemption at the end, as if the story demanded that Lhong’s own actions that drove him to order grievous sexual violence against another man needed to be forgiven. That was a paradigm that seemed apologetic to his actions and did not sit well with me.

As I noted to @bengiyo: us international fans may be lulled to think that Thailand is majority progressive and accepting of the queer community based off of the BLs that we watch. It IS a much more progressive culture in SE Asia in supporting the queer community, and I would assume that gay culture is able to flourish in city centers, as opposed to rural areas.

But Thailand has NOT legalized same-sex marriage. And I posit that we in the West don’t actually realize that harmful stereotypes against the queer community absolutely still exist and flourish in Thailand, Taiwan, and elsewhere in Asia – countries that certainly leverage BL as soft power, but nations in which familial or cultural expectations may STILL make ACTUAL coming out and public existence a dangerous or risky proposition. THIS SHIT IS GRAY. BL is fiction – it is not reality. It is still dangerous – YES, INCLUDING HERE IN THE STATES – to be out in very many towns, cities, and communities around the world.

Now. When I went into TT, I understood, AS ASSUMED FACT, that MAME was a sexual assault survivor, who used this style of writing about queerness and queer love to process her own SA experiences. That equivocation gave me the serious jibbles, which I’ll talk about in a second, but I understood it to be the line that most BL observers have made about her work, and/or justification or explanation for her work existing.

I’ve since learned that this is not necessarily fact: that it is not known if MAME is an SA survivor, and that she is notoriously private and has not revealed much, if anything, about her own past.

So, from there, how do I process this? How do I process that it’s FANON – NOT FACT – that MAME may or may not write from a survivor’s perspective?

I also note here, thanks to the wonderful @so-much-yet-to-learn, that many fans who are SA survivors have written in the past about how they related to Type’s anger and/or homophobia after his own assault experience. I also understand that SA survivors have, in the past, had difficulty with strong rejections of TharnType, like the one I have composed here, in reaction to the fear that they cannot tell their own stories of internal anger against their perpetrators and the communities from which their attackers come from.

Thus, I want to note a VERY DIFFICULT PROPOSITION TO WORK THROUGH. What we’re facing here is that there may be people, SA survivors in particular, who related to Type’s homophobia. This is Type’s fictional homophobia – as written by a very real, assumed-to-be female author. At the same time, I myself very much acknowledge that I still see stereotypes against the queer community, in a very Asian voice that I am familiar with, in MAME’s shows.

Let me tell you why this gives me, personally, the jibbles. Let’s assume that MAME is an SA survivor. As someone trained in the social services, I am not sure that I would advise a potential client to create very public content that is potentially harmful towards a minority community, as a means of their own personal processing. MAME is FAMOUS. Her work is POPULAR. Can we justify the dangers that her work poses – the stereotypes and assumptions she traffics in against our queer family – for her own psychological processing?

If I am her therapist, I am guiding her to instead journey map, to meditate, to advise her of HUNDREDS of other therapeutic psychological modalities to process her pain – all modalities that do not set up a minority community to be stereotyped through very publicly consumed content.

I posit here – MY OPINION, FAM – that MAME has leveraged her own personal bigotry against the queer community in her shows for clout with Asian and international audiences that would not quibble about the harmfulness of the stereotypes that the show portrayed. And she’s gotten away with it for the utter control she has over her own content. AND SHE KNOWS THERE’S AN AUDIENCE FOR IT, so she keeps making what I call bigoted content.

I thought TT was a DANGEROUS show for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about queer family. And I am distraught at the BL industry for seeing dollar signs against that clout and investing in it.

The equivocating in support of TharnType certainly exists. There are people who view this show with nostalgia, as there still wasn’t the volume of BL content, with heat, in 2019 as we have today. There are people out there who may very well openly relate to Type’s homophobia as a character, and MAME’s homophobia as an author and as a human. Hell, Foei Patara, who we see in everything these days, shared a very anti-LGBTQ+ video on his Instagram just recently.

I DO have to give a nod to nostalgia. I have to try to be fair here. This is the ENTIRE POINT of the OGMMTVC. BL fans in 2019 wanted a thing. High heat, high chemistry. I know that there are fans that are AWARE of these high-level issues of MAME’s work. And yet, there are many that still look back on TharnType with fondness, because it brought something new to the field.

What I’m suffering from here is the equivocation of MAME’s work by way of analysis against a presumed opinion – NOT fact – that MAME is an SA survivor. That seems to open some sort of door to allow us to watch her work, despite the dangers of the stereotypes contained within her work.

The ethics of this. I’m not a strong enough person to go near that equivocation. Because I am not a survivor. I’m an Asian. In MAME’s voice, I hear the stereotypes against the queer community that I grew up with. And that’s where I’m writing this review. I’m hurt and appalled by her proliferating what I term to be dangerous viewpoints against my queer sisters and brothers – assumptions that I heard growing up in my Indian community.

Fuck. Am I ever glad that I DIDN’T watch this show in 2019. I’m protected by a fortress of past and present works that I can rely on that proves that there are other arenas in which BL is being leveraged for good, for progressive art, for the introduction of ideas that support our queer family, AND that might also offer critical commentary on issues that affect other minority or vulnerable corners of society, à la Moonlight Chicken.

I haven’t even gotten to the MewArt scandal and the problematic nature of the MewGulf ship. All of those are also very important issues, but I can’t bring myself to get deep about them, because just talking about the show itself is a lot. But Mew Suppasit’s past alleged behavior is certainly problematic, and is worth considering if folks were to think about watching this show.

In any case: I’m never watching another MAME show again, ever. And as a side note, MewGulf didn’t do it for me. At this point in 2019, I feel like we’d seen ships with much better chemistry and even heat, like PerthSaint (a MAME ship, actually), OhmToey, MaxTul, and even OhmSingto and their utterly brilliant acting. @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle noted in the comments of one of my TT late-night posts that they didn’t see the MewGulf chemistry, and frankly, I didn’t either – I didn’t see that these guys, as the acted characters of Tharn and Type, bodily and ferally WANTED AND VISCERALLY LOVED each other in fiction, the way that actor pairs like EarthMix, OhmNanon, FirstKhao, and others have since perfected in their work as their respective characters.

This post is about the responsibility that so-called “artists” bear when taking up the mantle of created content about a minority community, as well as the responsibility that we bear, as fans, as the majority cishet female fanbase, to consume this content. MAME and the slices of the BL industry that support her MUST understand that perpetuating stereotypes about a minority community WILL HAVE VISCERAL SOCIAL IMPACTS in REINFORCING THOSE STEREOTYPES, among a majority cishet fanbase and across society, to the danger of the existence of our queer family.

THIS IS WHY WE NEED MORE QUEER CONTENT BY QUEER FILMMAKERS.

That is the way in which this paradigm will be broken over time. And us in the cishet fanbase MUST STAND READY to support art – in the words of dear friend @wen-kexing-apologist – by queer family, for queer family, about queer family. We in the cishet majority bear a responsibility to break the paradigm of dangerous stereotypes, perpetrated by who create content through their own bigotry, either consciously or unconsciously – or both.

[I finished TharnType in record time. I needed to get it out of my system. And now I’m fully invested in OffGun and having a DELIGHTFUL time with Theory of Love: I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS SUBVERSIVE, MINDBENDING SHOW. Ooooooooooooooooooh. Right up my alley! Hopefully I can muster my usual Monday review for ToL – let’s see. I still feel somewhat broken by TT, but ToL and OffGun have been SUCH a salve.

Here’s the list as it stands currently. We have two changes! First, thanks to a suggestion by @wen-kexing-apologist and @lurkingshan, I’m adding a non-BL (!!!!) to the list in 3 Will Be Free. I have a number of separate Jojo Tichakorn priorities to achieve before Only Friends airs, and this is a big one; as this is a show from 2019, I want to see where GMMTV was willing to go in pushing queer content in non-BLs, and this is the perfect time to watch it. I’ll still include a review in this space!

And, per @absolutebl Sensei’s suggestion, I’ve added YYY (2020) to this, to enjoy Cheewin unhinged in what seems to be a disaster of a show – but an important one for real queer representation (THANK YOU, SENSEI!). I’m excited for chaos. I’m watching it out of chronology with ITSAY and planning it as a mental break. As always, I’ll take any feedback on the list as it stands!

1) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 2) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 3) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 4) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 5) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 6) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 7) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 8) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 9) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 10) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 11) TharnType (2019) 12) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (I’m watching this out of order just to get familiar with OffGun before Theory of Love – will likely not review) 13) Theory of Love (2019) (watching) 14) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (not a BL or an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn including queer content in non-BLs) 15) Dew the Movie (2019) (not an official part of the OGMMTVC watchlist, but I want to watch this in chronological order with everything else) 16) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) 17) 2gether (2020) 18) Still 2gether (2020) 19) I Told Sunset About You (2020) 20) YYY (2020, out of chronology) 21) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) 22) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 23) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS 24) Lovely Writer (2021) 25) I Promised You the Moon (2021) 26) Not Me (2021-2022) 27) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 28) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch 29) Secret Crush On You (2022) [watching for Cheewin’s trajectory of studying queer joy from Make It Right (high school), to SCOY (college), to Bed Friend (working adults)] 30) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 31) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 32) GAP the Series (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 33) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 34) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 35) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) (Cheewin’s latest show, depicting a queer joy journey among working adults)]

#the old gmmtv challenge #bl meta

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