#which even then you think i studied journalism or anything? nah

[omgrandomwords]

yaknow i don’t think ive posted on ao3 since before 2020 which is crazy. i get the urge to delete my fics (i haven’t read my 2017 one at all and i refuse to) but i keep them there as a Reminder. like. i may not write as much or as formally, like i pick at it so rarely i don’t even consider myself A Writer anymore, but it’s like. no i had it in me. i still have it, if i ever want to find it. it’ll wait for me.

[mxtcha-tea]

domestic shiratorizawa

⊹summary; the life inside the dorms of shiratorizawa

⊹pilots; gn![y/n], ushijima, tendou, semi, yamagata, reon, kawanishi, shirabu, goshiki (pairings showed; yamagata x reader, goshiki x reader)

⊹genre; fluff, crack and some cursings (no proofread)

⊹flight details; i've once made a domestic imagines in my old blog so imma make a small reboot of it <3

random shopping

normal day, normal life. you could've seen yourself laying or even napping in your room while a compilation of minecraft songs plays in the background. but no. instead, you're inside an antique shop with Yamagata, Ushijima and Tendou.

you have no idea when, or how did the process happened but you surely is done with getting dragged inside the shop by Tendou and Yamagata.

while Ushijima's stuck on a section, you don't know where, but he's definitely stuck there, "[y/n]! look at what i found,"

Yamagata called you as you turned around to see him holding up a pretty heavy doll. you raise your brow, "what the hell is that?" walking towards him and taking a closer look at the object in hand,

"i think it's a, um, i think a matryoska doll? matroyska? is that how you say it?" "why're you asking me, i don't know jack shit about russian stuff,"

"ah you mean, matryoshka doll?" Tendou butted in, startling you two, "it's also called a 'nesting doll' and did you actually know that it was actually originated from china?"

Yamagata's eyes practically sparkled at that with a surprised look, "from china? really?"

you can only roll your eyes, "and how can you even know all that?" Tendou snickered and put on a smug face, "i'm actually very smart, y'know. ya'll just don't know about it," "says the person in class 2,"

"i blame the mathematic old hags for adding letters in math, and the apple that fucking hit my man Isaac," you tsk'ed and walk towards the next section. Yamagata passive aggressively put the matryoshka doll down and follow after you along with Tendou,

"also, we need to find ushijima, i think he's stuck in some section between here...ah there," you stopped walking and turn to your right where you find Ushijima reading a book.

Tendou skipped towards him and smack his shoulder, "you okay, wakatoshi-kun? you sure did took longer to look at the stuff here," while Tendou chats with Ushijima, Yamagata look up at the shelves as something caught his eyes.

he tried to reach it while tip toing but due to his height, he can't reach it. then, he jumped from his spot to grab the object but end up hitting his head onto the board, "AGH, FUCK!" which causes you all to look at him, watching him hold his head while shivering from the pain,

"are you okay, yamagata?" ushijima ask, putting back the book on the shelves, "yeah, yeah, i'm just tryna get that," he shakes his head before pointing up.

you followed his finger and caught a glimpse of an old polaroid. it's a little bit dusty but other than that, it looks new. Ushijima reached it from his spot and managed to grab it, "here,"

he hands it to Yamagata as he instantly recovered from his recent pain and snatch it from Ushijima's hand, subtly thanking him with a grin, "why do you even need a polaroid?" Tendou asked, leaning his arm over Ushijima's shoulder with one brow up,

"pfft, for journaling of course,"

a gust of wind went through you while staring at him with a poker face, the same with Tendou with a small cat like smile. Ushijima just looked the same,

"okay," "WHAT'S WITH THE TONE??" you blinked and just knit your eyebrows, "i mean, since when you started journaling? you're not even the type of person to do something aesthetic,"

he pouted and just crosses his arms, "so what? that doesn't mean i can't do it, right? have faith in me god darn it. and honestly, my journal looks good so far," "well, fine,"

you waved your hand at him and continue going through the other section. and just like that, "hey wait!" Yamagata tailed after you.

Tendou snickered at the two and focus back on Ushijima, who's still watching the display yet again, "have you thought of what to buy wakatoshi-kun?" "i'm not sure, there's a lot of interesting stuff here," "well, you've only been in this section but okay~"

studying

"agh, why did those idiots really have to call me at this time...?"

you groaned, slowly walking through the halls with a slouched figure. tracing your fingers along the wall with a dejected look. you're suppose to sleep today.

an hour or two long sleep. it's finally the weekend which means the time for you to sleep all of your problems away. drifting into slumber with fluffy pillows and warm blankets, enjoying your dream as long as you can.

until your ringtone annoyingly rings next to your ear. you answer the call, and again greeted by the most annoying human in the planet,

"[y/n], we need you at the gym right now!"

"huh? oh fuck off Tendou, i need to sleep right now,"

"nuh uh, you can sleep later after you go to the gym,"

"why? are you, i don't know, practicing or something?"

"you have to find out. if you don't move your ass from that bed, we'll send Hayato to wake you up~"

". . ."

and now, you find yourself standing in front of the door of shiratorizawa's volleyball gym. not only that Tendou wakes you up from your sleep, you also had to WALK all the way from your dorm to the gym,

"i'm gonna add more time to their practices after this..."

sliding the door open, you expect them to be doing serves or maybe spikes.

but instead, you're seeing them—as in the 3rd years—all sitting down at the middle of the court, with books around them.

and what's even more confusing is that they somehow managed to bring a table inside. no, not the flip-able table.

literally a whole ass table.

Reon looks up from his book and notices your figure standing on the door way. he waves his hand at you, you did the same but still with a confused look.

Yamagata was next to see you as he abruptly stand up from his spot, shaking the table in the process,

"Hayato! stop shaking the table," "oops, sorry. ah, wait, [y/n]!"

that caught all of the boys attention as they look at you, "what taking you so long to arrive?" Tendou asked, a pen rested in between his upper lip and nose.

Semi smacked him in the face—earning an 'ow'—before shaking his head,

"their dorm is literally far from the gym, and why do you even proposed your idea of studying at the gym anyway?"

you make your way towards them, Reon patting the empty spot next to him. you sat down on your spot as Yamagata did the same. seemed like he was waiting for you.

Tendou rubbed his nose and pouted at Semi, "this was the best place to study anyway! it have much more room,"

"we should've gone to the cafeteria OR the LIBRARY," Semi groaned, looking back at his book before writing on it,

"pfft, the cafeteria's no fun. and i got banned from the library," Reon looks at Tendou with confusion, "well, it's not surprising,"

Tendou shrugged, "i was also banned from the library," Ushijima said, not looking up from his notes as you knit your eyebrows at that,

"you're also banned from the library? Satori, what did you and Ushijima did—" "anyways, um,"

he cut you off, fidgeting with his pen before pointing it at you, "right, you need to tutor us on this subject~!"

you blinked, looking down at the book they're studying about, "haven't the teacher covered this already?"

"well, i'm sorry, class 6. but we have no idea how this thing works. maybe only Reon, but look at Semi,"

Tendou wrapped his arm around Semi's neck, practically head locking him, "he's from class 1 and i think you should teach him about this the most," "I'll rip your fucking head off, Tendou!"

while both of them tried to strangle each other, Yamagata caught your attention next,

"and also, it won't be fun without you, y'know," Reon nodded, "and don't forget that you can't leave me alone in this,"

"oh right," "hm? what was that?" Yamagata asked. you just shake your head with a defeated smile, "nothing..."

after clearing your throat, you snatched Semi's book away before flipping through the pages,

"okay you scumbags, it's time to learn,"

oblivious enough

the birds chirped from the tree, the hallway's as loud as ever. Semi and Tendou's leaning against the window, each of them drinking apple juice and eating yakisoba bread.

it was silence between them before Semi spoke, "hey, Tendou," "yes Semi-Semi?" "y'know,"

Semi turned his head to look at Tendou as the redhead did the same, "have you, noticed the relationship between [y/n] and Yamagata lately?"

the latter made a thinking face, before nodding, "hm, seems so,"

"do you think, either one of them ever noticed about it?" Tendou shakes his head at the question, "nope, i don't think they do. in fact, they might be completely oblivious to it,"

Semi snickered, "right, like that one time..."

"[y/n], do you think my lips are dry right now?"

you look up from your clipboard, seeing Yamagata pointing his lips, "hm, nah. they're fine, but if you want, i can but on some lip balm,"

his eyes sparkled at that as he nodded his head with excitement, "sure!" you walk towards your bag with Yamagata following you. opening the zipper and search inside it, you pull out your lip balm,

"here, hold still," you put a hand on his cheek while the other applies lip balm onto his lips. it was a slow process but he managed to not move at all while making eye contact with you.

once you finished applying, he pop his lips before humming, "mn, cherry," "let me know if you need anything else,"

he nodded with now flushed cheeks as he smile at you. you did the same, gently patting his arm.

from a distance, Shirabu looks at them with a disgusted look, "ugh, can't they be more subtle about it,"

Kawanishi shrugged, "just let them be,"

"how can i redo my memory? i don't need to see that this early," "well, what if it was us?" "i would be twice as grossed, i can put my own lip balm," "hm yeah, you're right, i honestly would be like that too," "good,"

"haha yeah, now that i think about it, they do it all the time right?" Tendou nodded at Semi's statement before hearing the all too familiar voice just a few meters away from them,

"[y/n]!"

you turned your head around while still sipping your drink. Yamagata stood in front of you, holding out his visibly crumpled necktie with a small smile,

"my necktie!" "ah again? whatever," you give your drink to him as he hold it for you.

grabbing the necktie from his hand, looping it around his collar shirt and started tying it with a concentrated look,

"i can't say that it'll be clean when i finished tying it," "it's okay! that's why i'm asking you to do it, messy or not, at least i have it on," "hm, yeah,"

after you finished tying it and patting it a little, Yamagata hugged you, "thank you!" "yeah, you're welcome,"

the aura literally radiates on the slightly crowded hallway as some of the students who passed you talked among themselves.

Semi and Tendou stared at you two, expressionless eyes but with a small smile,

'ah, right,'

Tendou sighed, intertwining his fingers together and lifting it up to his cheeks, "ah, young love~"

"we're all the same age,"

"young love~"

bonus; reliable kouhai

lifeless.

is what goshiki would say when he took a few glances at you from his book. you promised to tutor him about this subject he's struggling on. but didn't really expect to see your slouched form walking inside the library.

he's not even sure if you even hear anything you're saying right now, "get a shovel and two-" your head hit the table, creating a loud sound and catching the attention of almost everyone inside the library,

"[y/n]-senpai, um, are you okay??" you groaned and rapidly blink your eyes, covering your forehead, "yeah, 'm just..."

a yawn escaped from your mouth before you can even finish your sentence, "...tired. those stupid senpais of yours need help tutoring too even tho being grown ass men,"

goshiki closes his book and creating a small 'thump', snapping you out from your mind,

"well, if that so then you didn't have to come, you could've just tell me and i would be fine with it!" your hoarse laugh caught him off guard as a shade of red ran across his cheeks, "i can't break a promise, tsutomu. why do you even think i agree on tutoring you?"

"uh, cause you want to help me with my studies?" "one of it, and cause i enjoy tutoring you," he can feel his cheeks heating up more when you made eye contact with him, a small smile laced upon your face,

"and honestly, you're smarter than i thought. class 4 right? that's cool," he looked away, trying to calm his nerves down, "t-thanks! a lot of people thought i was in a lower class, so i, i appreciate it,"

goshiki took a peek at you, now burying your face onto your face, "also, senpai," "hm?"

"you should take a nap for now, i think i can start understanding this formula," you slightly look up at him, "you sure? i was prolly talking craps just now," "yeah! your health is more important anyway,"

you hum, offering him a warm smile, "thanks, i know i can count on you," you rested onto your side and close your eyes. lips slightly parted and just like that, you're deep in your dreams.

he pursed his lips, slowly leaning against the table to look at your face. it's calm, peaceful and beautiful, kissable lips. he wonder if he could lean in a little closer until you two-

goshiki instantly jolted up and hit himself on the head, face's covered in the color red, 'no! don't think about that, curse you Tendou-San for introducing me to those mangas...'

Tendou's faces ran across his mind as he grunted,

'why're they so pretty??'

[rubykgrant]

I’m gonna write out little high-lights of my RVB Monster AU for Halloween reasons~ Things happen in a mostly normal-world modern setting, but obviously with monsters/fantasy creatures and such. Things plot-related happen almost the same way, but some stuff is earlier/later, shuffled around to work for my own purposes (so some of the key moments still happen, but occasionally in a different order). Here is the beginning, which as always, starts with two morons asking a big question-

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

“Well, that’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?”

The two men were standing on the rooftop of an old warehouse. The building had gone through several owners, being used as a storage facility, a garage for fixing up cars and various vehicles, a shipping business, a veterinary clinic for large animals and livestock, a recycling center… and possibly some kind of drug lab at one point. It was none of these now, but if a stranger saw the inside, they would assume the new owner was a combination a mechanic/pet doctor, using the left-behind equipment (and considering how shady everything appeared, a stranger would also probably assume this was a front for yet another drug lab). It was still none of these things. In truth, it was much stranger.

One man stood slouching with the late-afternoon sun on his back. The other was leaning against a vent that came out of the roof, in the shadows. He had a red long-sleeved button-up shirt on (despite the hot temperature), and black jeans. His shirt was neatly tucked-in, and his matching red hair was trimmed short in what was decidedly a “going to a job interview” style. His eyes were two different colors. Once, they had both been a soft brown, but now one was glass, the color of the iris some kind of magenta… or maroon. The other eye (the one that was still organic) was a golden-yellow. He looked like somebody who had gone through a growth-spurt some years back, and still hadn’t settled into himself; too lanky and gawky for his own good.

His companion in the sun was a little shorter, and considerably larger, but completely at ease with his shape and his weight. His skin was mostly a warm copper brown… but he had several patches of mis-matched skin tones on his left side; around his eye, his chest, his arm, his leg. Each area also showed several scars, signifying that it was the result of surgery and skin-grafts. His dark brown hair was parted in the center, falling down around his shoulders in long curls, and stubble on his chin. His eyes were so dark, they almost looked black. He wore an old faded baseball shirt (once white with orange on the collar and short sleeves, now a dingy-peachy color), and loose gray jeans that were worn-out at the knees. They were quite the odd pair, opposites in many ways that were obvious (and more that were evident in their interactions), yet it was clear they were used to each other’s company.

“Why ARE we here?” the man in the sun continued, answering the question from his friend in the shadows. “I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night…”

“WHAT?” the other man stood up a little straighter, but remained behind the vent. “I meant why are we out HERE, in broad daylight? Sarge KNOWS it’ll burn me, and there’s not even anything for us to do! The only reason he sends us out to keep watch is because there’s that building over there he thinks is haunted, but we can’t see anything from here… and if there WAS anything going on over there, like ghosts or whatever, they could definitely see US! We don’t have any cover on the roof, but whoever might be over THERE is hidden behind the windows!”

“Oh… uh, yeah…”

“What was all that stuff about god?”

“Nothing,”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,”

They both decided to just skip it, and move on.

“But seriously, why ARE we out here, and why does Sarge care about that building so much?” the taller man waved his arm, gesturing to the building in question.

“I guess he wants to try catching ghosts next, or something?” the shorter man shrugged.

“Then we should just GO OVER THERE, right?”

“Pfff… nah, are you kidding? Just standing around, looking at a building? This is the easiest job I ever had,” he sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Grif, you- OK, first of all! This isn’t a JOB, we aren’t getting paid! Second, you don’t even remember most of your life before a few months ago, you have no basis of comparison!”

“Fair point, but come on Simmons… seriously? What job could I have possibly had that would be easier than this?”

From his spot in the shadows, Simmons looked away for a moment, thinking.

“Hmm… well, I remember reading about people being paid to take part in sleep studies. You just nap and keep a dream journal, or whatever…”

“Oh man, are you kidding!? I WISH that was my life!” Grif kicked at an old rusty can, causing it to fall off the roof. “Instead, here I am, stuck in this stupid building, in this stupid town, in this stupid canyon-”

“Where we have to look at a potentially haunted building, at random intervals, day and night…” Simmons added.

“All because Scruffy the Vampire Slayer is paranoid!”

Despite himself, this caused Simmons to snort laughter. Grif grinned, pleased that his pun was appreciated.

“Even if that building IS haunted… it doesn’t seem like something bad, you know? I never see anybody running out of there screaming bloody murder. If we just ignored it, what would happen? Nothing. It would just be a boring building with boring ghosts, and we’d just be another boring building with boring… whatever we are,” Simmons leaned once more on the vent, glaring up at the sky that was still dangerously bright.

“I think monsters sums us up pretty good,” Griff suggested.

“Right, monsters who don’t do anything. Over there are ghosts who don’t do anything. Whoopty-fucking-doo…”

“You gonna actually SAY that to Sarge? Hmm? Gonna finally stand up to him, use your big-boy voice, and tell the crazy old man you don’t wanna follow orders anymore? Is this beginning of your rebellious phase?” Grif reached over, shoving Simmons lightly on the arm.

“Well… no… but! I’m gonna remind him that me being outside in the day is a bad idea! YOU should get the day shift, and I should get the night shift. It just makes sense,”

“Aww, but Simmons… then we wouldn’t get to spend quality time together, having all these deep and meaningful conversations!” Grif gave him a look of fake-concern, like he was hurt and might start crying.

“Oh, right. I forgot. We’re philosophers discussing the secrets of the universe, life’s great mysteries, right?” Simmons smirked.

“Exactly… like, if you could only taste one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? No matter what you ate, it has the same flavor?” Grif asked.

“That’s a stupid question for a vampire, man. Everything I eat DOES have the same flavor now. It all tastes like blood, because guess what? I have to drink blood. Because I’m a VAMPIRE,” Simmons shook his head.

“No, but I mean, if you could magically taste something ELSE, whether you were drinking blood or eating a salad, or whatever, what would you pick?” Grif pressed on. “I’d want everything to taste like chocolate. Milk chocolate. That’s my favorite, and I’d never get sick of it…”

“Jeez… it would’ve been impossible to get you to chill out if you tasted chocolate every time you tried to eat a person!” Simmons replied, remembering how it had been with Grif when they first found him.

“Yeah, I don’t know what those other zombies were on about… brains and human flesh is GROSS. Chocolate, though? MMM, I could do the zombie-shuffle-walk for days to get some good chocolate,”

“Uh-huh, and  that’s EXACTLY how we caught you!” Simmons almost reached out to return the arm-punch, but managed to hesitate and stop in time… Grif was still in direct sunlight, and Simmons would get scorched if he left his little patch of shadow. Grif seemed to realize this, in that quiet and easy way that caused both of them to somehow pick-up each other’s habits. Grif leaned over to nudge Simmons with his shoulder, and they both laughed together.

[svgurl410]

Can't help it I want to send you another one - Clark/Oliver for #8 Roommates (oh my god they were Roommates 😏) Also dealer's choice but I would not complain if Lois found her way in this too lol 👀

Haha send as many as you want! As long as you're willing to accept that I can be a very slow writer. XD Also, by found her way into this, you mean took over, right? Because that's definitely what happened.

Send me a ship and a number

clark/lois/oliver. ~2.5 k. Same age/college AU- they're all graduating soon and Clark's afraid of losing the two people he loves the most.

“Smallville, you are an angel.”

“You probably say that to anyone who gives you caffeine, so I won’t let the praise go to my head,” Clark said, dryly, moving to give Oliver his own cup of coffee, before settling down on the couch, with his own mug.

“Nah,” Oliver drawled from his spot on the armchair, his laptop on his thighs, as he shifted forward, to pick up the cup. “I think angel is a good description.”

Clark rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t deny that the words still resided deep in his heart.

“Besides, normal people don’t make coffee like this,” Lois pointed out.

“Considering how much you’ve had today, can you even tell the difference at this point?” Clark challenged, looking pointedly at the clock, which declared it almost 1 am. “Sleep is probably better for you than another cup.”

“Please, don’t insult me- I am an expert in all things coffee,” Lois proclaimed, from the other end of the couch, as she shifted her sock covered feet to rest in Clark’s lap. He was all too used to her antics at this point, and just let them linger. Besides, he couldn’t deny how much he liked her open affection. Both her’s and Oliver’s really. “Anyway, I’m almost done with this paper and then I can call it a night. Two more finals and we’re done for good.”

Oliver repeated the sentiment with obvious enthusiasm, neither noticing how much work it took for Clark’s face not to fall.

Two more finals … and they were done.

Clark should be excited. He was graduating from college, with a degree in journalism, ready to stop studying and start a career that he was passionate about.

But as he looked between Lois and Oliver, as they all resided in Clark and Oliver’s apartment (and Lois was there so often she was practically their third roommate), preparing for finals week, all he could feel was dread.

Dread, because the sooner they were done, the sooner he would lose them.

Two of the most important people in his life, the ones he was so used to seeing on a daily basis … who also happened to be the two people he was desperately, hopelessly in love with … they would just be gone.

Sure, Lois and he were both planning on journalism as a career, but the field was so competitive that the chances they landed in the same state, much less the same city or paper were slim. As far as Oliver went, he would move back to Star City, where he would take over as the CEO he was destined to be.

Clark would be lying if he said he hadn’t looked up jobs at the Star City Gazette, but just because they would be in the same city didn’t mean that they would see one another.

It wouldn’t be the same at all. And Clark, who had always struggled with change, found he wasn’t ready for this one.

These thoughts had been plaguing him, especially the past few weeks, no matter how hard he tried not to think about it. He could too easily picture how their lives would unfold post graduation. Maybe they would see each other now and then but growing apart was almost a certainty. Soon, communication would slow down, as they fell into their own lives and they would see each other at a reunion or maybe he would get invited to one or both of their weddings (perhaps to each other- he had felt the chemistry and was still truly surprised they never dated).

One day, he would just be ‘their old friend from college, Clark’, and the idea made him sick.

But it seemed that he wouldn’t have a choice. He didn’t know how to stop the changes he knew were coming.

Fingers snapped in front of his face, and brought him out of his gloomy thoughts.

“Smallville!” Lois said, and he looked over to meet her frowning face. “Are you listening?”

“No,” he admitted. “Sorry, I got caught up in my thoughts. What were you saying?”

“We were saying that we should have a big celebration, when we’re done,” Oliver answered, expression unreadable as his gaze was focused on Clark.

“Think we can get Clark over to a club?” Lois asked, with a cheeky smile.

Clark grimaced, causing them both to laugh.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Lois finished.

“I mean, I guess we could try-” Clark started, thinking back to Lois’s 21st birthday the previous year. That place hadn’t been that bad.

“Nah,” Lois said, waving her hand. “I was joking. We’ll find something for the three of us. One thing is for certain- this summer, we are doing that road trip!”

“Can’t I just fly us to wherever you want to go?” Oliver asked, wrinkling his nose, and setting his laptop down on the coffee table.

“Silence, rich boy, this is about the journey, not the destination,” Lois declared, causing Clark to let out a small chuckle.

“The journey to see the World’s Biggest Coffee Cup?” Oliver said skeptically, but Clark could see the twinkle in his eye and knew he was just messing around.

Lois knew it too, from her expression. “That’s part of it!”

“I’m putting my foot down at renting an RV,” Oliver warned. “And I don’t care what you say - I am paying for a hotel. We are not sleeping at the nearest, cheapest roadside dump you find.”

“You are going to have to get over what happened in Austin eventually,” Lois complained.

“I saw things that I will never forget,” Oliver said darkly.

“Spoiled.”

“Guilty.”

“Now, now, children, play nice,” Clark teased, head moving back to rest against the couch.

“This is not the time to be the rational one, Clark,” Oliver insisted. “You know I’m right. You don’t want to be sharing a room with the cockroaches any more than I do.”

“They aren’t very considerate roommates and they refuse to even chip in for the bill,” Clark acknowledged, causing Lois to pout. “But that doesn’t mean you can book us all the Ritz, Oliver. We’ll find something reasonable.”

“Fine, fine, have it your way,” Oliver said fondly.

“It could be fun though,” Clark said, smiling wistfully. “One last trip.”

“Yeah, and then we’re off to work,” Lois agreed. “I’ve been looking up jobs- both the Star City Gazette and the Sentinel have multiple openings, and I talked to someone in HR there, and they are expected to have at least two more in the upcoming months. What do you think, Clark?”

“Me?” Clark asked, eyebrows furrowing, confused. “Of what?”

“Of Star City,” Lois replied. “Unless you want to be back in Metropolis, so you can be closer to home. The Daily Planet doesn’t seem to have any openings right now though, and well, Ollie is obligated to be in Star City for the time being, but who knows in the future, right?”

Oliver nodded. “Yeah, I am going to be traveling a lot anyway and for the first few years I have to be in Star City, but Metropolis could eventually be an option. Besides, if you both end up in Star City, you can just stay with me.”

Clark tried to keep up with the conversation, but it felt like he was lagging behind and wasn’t sure how to make headway.

Lois swung her feet off his lap and he missed the touch immediately. She let out a long yawn, rubbing her eyes. “Oh, it is way too late to be talking about this, but we do need to start planning our future soon.”

“Our future,” Clark echoed, dazed. “As in the three of us.”

“Obviously,” Lois said, standing up and stretching. “What, did you think we’re just going to go our separate ways after graduation?”

“Yes.”

The answer was out before he could think about it, and Lois stopped in her movements, turning to him, eyes wide and mouth turned downward. As he looked over at Oliver, he saw his friend looked surprised and hurt.

“Do you … want to go our separate ways after graduation?” Oliver asked, tone uncharacteristically cautious, and expression blank once more. Clark found he really hated that look, the one where he couldn’t immediately understand what Oliver was thinking and feeling.

“I thought that was what you guys would want,” Clark explained hurriedly.

“But all we’ve done is talk about ‘we’ and ‘us’ in the past when we were talking about our next move,” Lois pointed out, sitting down again, this time right next to him.

Sure, but he didn’t think they meant it. Didn’t think they had included him in their plans. Why would they? Clark wasn’t the one who was considered; he was the one people tended to leave behind.

“We’re not leaving you behind, Clark,” Oliver said tightly, and that was when he realized he had said that out loud. His face turned red, cheeks feeling hot, and he dropped his face, eyes focused on his feet, which shuffled awkwardly against the wooden floors, brushing against the rug under the coffee table.

His throat was tight, and he couldn’t form the words if he wanted to.

“Clark.” There was Lois, her arm on his shoulder, and he leaned into her touch. “How could we ever leave you behind? Did you really believe we don’t care about you at all?”

“I guess I didn’t think about it,” Clark muttered, finding his voice.

Lois lightly punched him in the shoulder. “You made two big mistakes, Smallville: you fed us and took us home with you to meet your parents. You’re stuck with us now. Deal with it.”

“Really?” He couldn’t stand how insecure he sounded, but couldn’t help it.

Oliver got up and sat down on the arm of the sofa, leaning against Clark for stability.

“Obviously,” Oliver said firmly. “And while we’re on the topic, we’re not talking platonic bonds here either, just so we’re clear. I’m crazy about you. Lois is too. Getting rid of us now is basically impossible. You’re going to have to change your name and go into hiding or something.”

“You never said anything,” Clark murmured.

“Well, there was no right time to ask, ‘hey, Clark, what are your thoughts on a polyamorous relationship’?” Lois said, one side of her mouth lifting up. “We have a good idea that you felt the same, but we didn’t want to risk losing you. Figured it could come up on the road trip.”

“And you both have talked about this?” Clark asked, looking between them, wondering how much they had decided.

“Only once,” Oliver assured him. “Just to confirm that we were on the same page. You’re harder to read than you think.”

“So, are we?” Lois asked hopefully. “On the same page?”

How could he say anything but yes? The idea that he could get everything he wanted, everything he thought he never could have was still a little mind boggling, but he wasn’t dumb enough to miss the gift that was basically being handed to him.

“Yeah, I mean, I care about … both of you,” he admitted. “I just didn’t think you felt the same.”

“Oh, there are some strong feelings there,” Lois promised. “And if neither of you mind, I would really like to kiss Clark. Do you know how distracting that mouth has been? It’s not even fair.”

Oliver let out a loud laugh and Clark could only watch Lois as she came closer, and he didn’t stop her as she kissed him, and he returned the kiss with equal passion, and when they parted a few moments later, he was grinning, the taste of Lois’s mouth one he never wanted to do without again.

“How was it?” Oliver asked, leaning forward.

Lois licked her lips. “Amazing. You should try it.”

Clark turned his head toward Oliver and Oliver watched him, hand lifting up to caress Clark’s cheek.

“Can I?” he asked quietly, warm brown eyes searching Clark’s own.

Clark stared at his friend and roommate, thinking of how far they had come over the years, and all the not quite friendly fantasies he had been having about him almost as long, and how he wanted more than anything for Oliver to kiss him. Had wanted that, and more for ages.

So he didn’t reply, instead surging forward to meet Oliver halfway and as their lips connected, Clark felt at home. He could hear Lois whistle and he smiled into the kiss. Oliver was just as good a kisser as Lois, and Clark wrapped a hand around Ollie’s neck, tugging him closer and Oliver fell right onto Clark’s lap, the two of them resting their foreheads against each other even when they separated.

“Now that is a show I wouldn’t mind seeing more of,” Lois chipped in.

Catching his breath, he looked at Oliver and Lois. “Aren’t you two going to kiss?” he realized.

“Why? Do you want to watch, Smallville?” Lois asked, but her eyes were on Oliver. “Secret exhibition kink? Here I thought you were a boy scout.”

“Not so much,” Clark retorted. “And something tells me you don’t mind putting on your own show.”

“Plus, his hand is currently on my ass, so I’m guessing not a boyscout,” Oliver remarked.

“Problem?” Clark countered, letting his hand stay where it was, and Oliver shook his head.

“Not a single one.”

“And who can blame him,” Lois offered. “So, what do you say, Ollie?”

Clark held his breath as Lois and Oliver leaned in and shared a long, deep kiss. He had never been a big fan of PDA, uncomfortable with public displays, but this? This was definitely the exception. To say he wouldn’t mind seeing more was an understatement.

“Huh, why did we wait so long to do this?” Lois wondered afterwards.

“Clearly, we’re idiots,” Oliver responded instantly.

“Have you two really never kissed before?” Clark asked, not feeling resentful or jealous, just genuinely curious and surprised; it was amazing what requited feelings could do. “But I thought you said you talked …”

“Only talked,” Oliver interrupted. “We were waiting for you.”

“Oh.”

“Finally get it now?” Lois asked, but she sounded kind. “We’re not letting you go.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

His heart filled with a mix of love and joy, gaze darting between the two of them, and he couldn’t imagine being happier. Lois rested her head on Clark’s shoulder, her hand coming up to entwine with Ollie’s, who seemed quite content sitting on Clark.

He loved them; somehow, they both loved him along with each other.

And he definitely got it.

Clark was suddenly very much looking forward to the future.

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Fourth Coming

Fandom: The Wilds Rating: T Word Count: 2157

Summary: And on the twenty-third day, Nora ate goat and thought about love.

Nora sees the experiment through two lenses, like the red and blue acetate in those cheap 3D glasses. One lens is the scientific, the other is the brutal. When she puts these metaphorical glasses on, she’s just there, in the middle of it, but when she’s feeling particularly tired (understandably often) or just relaxed (inexplicably often—a fact to be concealed from the others), she shifts between the two views. Each is sharper alone than they are combined.

Scientific: counting the days; subtly taking her own inventory of the rations; monitoring Fatin’s dehydration, the commensurate level of distrust the rest of the group have for her.

Brutal: cold fingers in wet, black sand, disinterring Jeanette’s grave; Dot’s tumbling, shivering recount of spearing and battering a snake; ralphing, ralphing, ralphing bad mussels.

It isn’t until the goat that these contrary perspectives finally attain a kind of beautiful balance in Nora’s brain. And it isn’t her thoughts, or rereading one of her journal entries, that has her mental clouds clearing. Actually, it’s what Leah says. About barbecues and normalcy and the Fourth of July. Leah’s remark—possibly offhand, certainly poisonous, even if Nora can’t see how yet—gracelessly and unselfconsciously reveals the barbarism of order. A social gathering on the same day each year, centered around fire (fireworks, sure, but Nora is amazed by how dazzled people are by something not so very far advanced from what had the cavepeople oohing and awwing) and the cooking of meat. Ritual is the summit at which the scientific and the brutal join hands.

The day doesn’t matter. (Every day could have been June 29th and what difference would that have made for them on this island?) The conditions of their environment haven’t changed. (No major shift in the seasons or significant weather patterns, just the single freakish high tide.) The slaughter of the goat and the subsequent cookout should be put down to chance, Nora knows. Toni, Martha, and Shelby decided to look for food. Martha happened to find the goat. She happened to lay her hands on a tool that could do the job. She happened to be successful. And now, miraculous barbecue in honour of… what?

Nora’s sure that most of the girls would say the feast is in honour of themselves, their power, their survival. All of that would really put a spit-shine on Gretchen’s mission statement, but Nora’s not just an agent, a plant, a spy, a wolf in castaway’s clothing. She seeks to understand as much as she always has. She wonders if Shelby thanks god for the goat, or eats it as a form of praise. Nora constantly spots her toying with the cross on her necklace, frequently in a way that holds it far from her throat, almost like she’s thinking about ripping the necklace off and hurling it into the ocean. That would be going a bit far, but then, so is hacking your hair off because a brush got stuck.

Their ritual could be the sacrifice of another creature in the hopes of sparing themselves—a kind of desperate, gasping celebration. Privately, Nora decides they’re celebrating love. Leah’s persistent aura of tragic romance is part of the inspiration for that, but she isn’t part of either of the two developing relationships Nora’s been observing.

Martha’s picking at her goat meat glumly, so Nora rises and goes over to her. Her gait is unsteady on this sand and on these legs, weakened over the past two days of starvation, but it’s enough to carry her until she can slump down next to Martha. Sweet and strong, vulnerable and clearly capable (judging by the sizzle of fat dripping from the roasting goat leg and hitting the fire), Martha smiles when Nora joins her. Nora smiles back and that’s enough between them for a few minutes.

Nora watches the browned meat, nearly allowing herself to be hypnotized by the texture that urges her to sink her teeth in, the crispy spots she knows would taste incredible. But she can’t gorge herself; her stomach needs to be cool about what she’s already eaten or the chewed up goat goes the way of the slurped mussels Rachel found.

Carefully, Nora turns her head to study Martha. She decides that what this girl needs is the same thing Leah needed on Day 12 when she was sitting alone on the beach: some kind of dirty joke. Since she’s fresh out of filthy material of the Christmas variety, Nora tells Martha, “One second,” and heaves herself up again. She comes back dragging Marcus. He’ll be her muse, but it’s also a reunion of lovers.

“You two could get married,” Nora tells Martha. “Shelby said she was an ordained youth minister, remember?”

They laugh and it’s softer than the crackle of the fire. Nora likes that. The steady, rolling sound of their laughs together. How they taper off, unlike the ceaseless noise of breaking waves that drives Nora insane whenever she surfaces from her numbness to the sound. Like becoming conscious of your breathing and working like hell to stop noticing it, because having to purposefully regulate every breath is exhausting and terrifying.

Martha frowns a little in consideration, then half-smiles.

“Nah. I don’t know if I’m ready to commit like that. I think this could just be a fling. All those abs and he didn’t come help me haul that goat.”

“That’s true.” When Martha gazes at the mannequin, Nora assesses Marcus as well. “And it’s not like you’d want to keep him around because he gives great head.”

“He might’ve once,” Martha defends, brushing hair out of her face when a breeze kicks up, “but he gave so much head that there’s none left for me.”

They catch each other staring at the clean line where Marcus’s neck ends and nothing rests above it and trip into laughter again. Though Nora feels like she accomplished her dirty joke, Martha made it even better. People have underestimated her. Nora’s noted it from the start. It’s probably because Martha was injured. Group dynamics were established quickly and have formed and reformed in the days and weeks since, but Day 1 showed them the rawest version of who they are together and, before they knew about Jeanette, Martha was the weak one. Have the others seen her role evolve like Nora has? Are Nora’s observations anything special, really?

“This is totally not a judgement thing or anything,” Nora says, meaning it. “I was just wondering if you were maybe going to wash your clothes. Or change them.”

“Oh.”

Martha looks down at herself and now Nora’s glad she said something; it doesn’t seem like Martha was really aware that she’s been sitting here crusted in drying blood. Nora weighs the acceptability of a period joke and decides against it.

“You don’t have to,” she assures Martha, raising a gentle hand. “It just seemed like maybe the, uh, the slaughtering process? Was kind of a mindfuck?”

“Yeah.” Martha stares straight ahead and lets out a short laugh that Nora doesn’t join her in. “I’m glad Marcus wasn’t there to see. He might not’ve come back the same.”

Nora peers at her a moment, then resolves to just say what she’s thinking.

“Did you?”

Turning her head, Martha looks at Nora and her smile’s the same, but her eyes are different. No, Nora would write in the journal. The answer is plain. Maybe she’ll record it on paper later and maybe she won’t. Looking into Martha’s eyes, Nora knows she won’t need help remembering this.

“I’m just living my best life,” Martha tells her, batting the ends of her hair with her hand.

It sounds like something Fatin would say in this moment, or at least have printed on a t-shirt or something—it’s flip and glib—and for the very reason that it reminds Nora of Fatin, she’s certain that Martha not only means the silly words sincerely but that she feels the kind of truth in the trope, the mindfulness in the meme, that Fatin fights so hard to experience herself. Fatin is deeper than that ocean over there and Martha is a girl scooping out the sand in front of her mannequin boyfriend, digging him a sturdy trench to rest in so she can lean back against his factory-sculpted physique, painted in the blood of her first kill.

For whatever reason, Marcus is the man Martha wants. Nora can’t imagine him becoming anyone else’s property after all this is over.

“Do you want a lychee instead?” she offers. Martha’s flat-out ignoring her leaf-plate of meat now.

“Maybe in a minute.”

She turns her dreamy eyes away from where she’s rubbing a streak of dirt off Marcus’s bicep. Nora follows her gaze to Shelby, who seems to be counting out and partitioning the lychee haul, looking to Dot from time to time. Dot isn’t interfering, just giving encouraging nods when Shelby seeks them out. And of course Toni’s watching too.

“You think they’re telling the truth?” Nora inquires bluntly. “That whole ‘wrong turn in the woods’ story?”

Martha shrugs and says, “Yeah,” but Fatin scootches towards them, evidently drawn by the hum of gossip in the air.

“Are you talking about Toni and Shelby?” she asks, but it’s more of a demand. Her eyes are bright and excited, her mouth grinning, and Nora knows that a lot of that effect is thanks to their first meal in days, but it astounds her how socializing lights Fatin up as much as it used to shut Nora down.

“No,” Martha says quickly, but no faster than Nora’s flat, “Yes.”

“Dope. Yeah, those two are a hundred percent lying.”

“Are you sure?” Nora asks.

She’s not, but the cameras will be. Seeing the footage afterwards isn’t something she negotiated on when Gretchen made her part of the team. Speculation, though less scientific, is much more fun.

Fatin rolls her eyes like Nora’s questioning the laws of gravity. (She blinks and sees the poster of Newton. Sees Newton seeing the apple. Her throat closes up until she softly coughs it clear.)

“Definitely,” Fatin says. “Even if they were just out there all day picking fruit, it’s still the most sapphic thing I’ve ever heard. It’s, like, biblically sapphic.”

Martha laughs.

“Uhhh, sorry, which version of the Bible did you read?”

Nora smiles broadly and looks from Martha’s expression of brimming joy to Fatin’s concentrated delight. Like she’s on to something and whether or not she’s right is beside the point. That kind of approach makes Nora pleasantly dizzy. She remembers being little, standing at a department store perfume counter she couldn’t see over while her mom spritzed scents on her wrists that floated down to Nora’s nose. Fruit and flowers and anything and everything that could make the air beautiful when a woman walked into a room.

“None, but come on, there’s the garden, right? I know some shit. The marketing for this retreat was super Christian-centric anyway. We’re out here representing the fucking Dawn of Eve!” Fatin gestures triumphantly around at their dismal (except for the goat) camp. “If those two bitches weren’t getting their freak on under a fruit tree last night, I’ll eat my gold watch.”

Nora scrutinizes the girls in question.

“Shelby does look especially glowy today.”

“Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s chronic sun damage,” Martha singsongs.

“Maybe it’s what Toni did to those mussels with her tongue,” Fatin acknowledges frankly, “because Shelby sure as hell didn’t borrow my hundred-dollar highlighter. That shit got swept out to sea.”

Fatin trains her eyes on Shelby while Martha watches Toni, and Nora watches both of them watch the others. When they switch subjects in a moment of unvoiced agreement, Toni jerks her head up and spots Fatin staring at her. The tender gazes she’s been throwing Shelby’s way over the low mound of red fruit tighten into suspicion.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Toni barks, and a laugh sputters from Fatin as she raises her hands to show she means no harm.

“Ok,” Martha says to Fatin and Nora, giggling. “I see it now. Something happened between Shelby and Toni yesterday. Some kind of hunter-gatherer romance.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve taken the ‘hunter’ title away from Shelby,” Nora points out.

“Well, whatever. Gatherer-gatherer then.”

“With an island colony of all women, it was only a matter of time,” is Fatin’s pragmatic take. “Another couple weeks without an orgasm and I would’ve fucked Toni myself.”

“It wasn’t just time,” Martha scoffs, tipping her head to the side. “It’s love.”

“It’s both,” Nora says. She could prove it to them, flourish the statistics she’s been tracking in her journal. How those bald numbers lie there next to the drawings that spill to the edge of the page. She’s made bedfellows of data and emotions. She just sits there and grins at them. “It’s the aphrodisiacal influence of the Fourth of July.”

[isabellitah]

Hi! May I request a headcanon with the reader (number eight) and the siblings, where the reader is like super caring to all of them? Thank you! 💕

🤍 HARGREEVES x SIBLING

Title : babie hen

Pairing : none

Warning : a few cuss words and this is long ok

Request : Hi! May I request a headcanon with the reader (number eight) and the siblings, where the reader is like super caring to all of them? Thank you! 💕

Note : Hiii 🤍 i hope this is to your liking hehe

i made a wholeass scenario before i reread the request and noticed the word hEADCANON SO IM V SORRY THAT THIS WAS DELAYED I-

anyway-

Number Eight-

ah yes, the sweetest babie in the whole world, as mentioned by Klaus at some point in their lives

said babie is also their mother hen- well, aside from Allison that is

Luther Hargreeves

eightie always makes sure that Luther never overworks himself

and when he does, your always there for him

making sure he’s hydrated

feeding him lil snacks so that he isn’t starving

i bet you sliced off the crusts of the sandwich bc we all know Luther can be a big babie too hmph

and you’re just overall being there for him, supporting him like any sister would do for their older brother

but when he tries to over overwork himself, which is rare as it only happens when he’s anxious about something, you bet your ass you trapped him in a water sphere and nyoomed him to his room and onto his bed- basically forcing him to rest gorl he’s wet he has to shower before napping but ok-

now that that big babie is in his room, time to check on big babie number two-

Diego Hargreeves

Diego- the lil menace currently chasing Klaus with knives for who knows what reason

you weren’t even gonna ask

it’s nothing new

but anway-

you called them for snacks thus ending their “game of tag”

game of tag my ass-

more like pin the dagger on Klaus

while eating the sandwiches you made them, you noticed a lil bit of jam on the corner of Diego’s mouth

the moment Klaus ran off after eating his sandwich, and Diego stood up to follow him, you took a napkin, licked it a bit, and wiped the jam off of Diego’s face

lil murderous babie blushed and whined at you to stop

you kept wiping at his skin as though the jam was still there just to play with him

anyway, after you stopped, he quickly left to - maybe - go find Klaus

before he left though, he turned to you, wrapped his arms around you, mumbled a quick “thank you eightie” and ran off

keeping in mind where your three siblings are, you decided to go find Allison

Allison Hargreeves

surprisingly, you find both Allison panicking in her room

apparently Luther asked her out and she doesn’t know what to wear, how to style her hair, how to do her make-up, should she wear ma-

she was freaking out bc she never thought Luther would gather his wits and actually ask her out !!!

she wasn’t prepared ok

and u forced Luther to sleep i- reminder to wake him up later

maybe he tried to over overwork himself bc he’s nervous about their date oop

you immediately entered the room and shut the door behind you

first date, so it should be a good experience ok

keeping this in mind, you calmly told her to sit down on her bed and take sips of from the glass of water beside her bed

going through her closet and picking out a casual outfit was easy- Allison has great taste so it wasn’t a challenge at all

clothes and shoes done, and Allison is now calm

you gently lead her to her vanity and slowly started doing a half-up half-down hairdo

for her makeup, you went with a natural makeup- neutral eyeshadow, mascara, a bit of blush, and red lipstick

dress on, heels on, hair done, makeup done, sister immaculate

you were done

simple yet elegant- was how she looked

standing behind the seated woman known as your sister, you slightly teared up- you don’t know why exactly but you-

you felt like a proud mom aww

Allison hugged you and thank you profusely

“Don’t you dare ruin my masterpiece,” you threatened with a wink

you were rewarded with a giggle and a smile

dismissing yourself while she went ahead and took selfies,

you immediately went to go look for Luther i-

after waking him up, it wasn’t hard to stop his whining and convince him to start moving,

you just had to remind him of his date with Allison

and poof

mans was gone

nah not really- he just went to go change

anyway-

now that you think about it- how’s Klaus?

with that thought in mind, you went out of Luther’s room in search of your high brother

Klaus Hargreeves

you found him in the wine cellar

of course

“Klaus, what’re you doing here?”

“Eightie! Fancy seeing you here 🤍 how are you? I haven’t seen you since you fed me that sandwich- great sandwich by the way; the filling was mwah chef’s kiss,”

he said smiling while holding onto vodka 🤍

you internally rolled your eyes and grabbing his wrist, led him upstairs and into his room

you sat down on his bed with your back comfortably resting on his headrest

he just stood their looking resigned

he knew what was about to happen

you do this at least once a week

secretly he was happy though

these weekly talks always made him feel light by the end of the conversation

anyway, he laid down with his head onto your lap

the moment you started combing your hand through his hair, he spilled everything that bothered him

how his power still scared him- seeing the dead anywhere and everywhere

some trying to talk to him

some just creepily staring at him

and some- some trying to harm him

and that he sometimes felt useless or like a nobody in the family

how he felt like such a disappointment

you listened to everything - even to the ones he never said out loud - calmly and patiently

and when he was done, you slowly started refuting everything he said with various memories

his powers once helped you both help a lost soul find his way back home

he always tries to lighten the mood whenever the tension in the room gets high

he’s always there for all of you, offering his love, whenever and wherever

he sets back his problems in order to help you all solve your problems first

the more memories you recall, the better Klaus felt about himself

and that’s what mattered

Five, Ben, and Vanya Hargreeves

after staying to talk with Klaus for a bit longer, you excused yourself after he claimed to be taking a nap

walking around, you hear faint rustling from inside the study room

walking in, you see Five, Ben, and Vanya in various positions by the couch

Five was sitting on the floor, back pressed against couch

Ben was leaning against the arm of the couch with his legs on top of Vanya’s

and Vanya was sitting cross legged on the couch

all three were listening to Ben read a poem

a poem possibly written by him considering the book he was reading was journal

you were about to excuse yourself to give them their privacy when Ben called you over and invited you

looking at your other two siblings and receiving a nod, you thanked them and sat on the floor beside Five who then leaned his head onto the top of your head- yes, you were short

Ben continued reading the poem and you were right- it was poem

a poem that seemed to be about his feelings

you were saddened by how he felt when you were younger but hearing how he feels now boosted your mood- especially when you heard that your siblings were a big factor on why he felt happy and motivated nowadays

hearing a faint grumble beside you, you tapped Five’s thigh to get his head off you so that you can get up

after some grumbling and whining from the man-child, you got up and said you’ll be right back

you left after kissing their cheeks, earning a smile and a blush from Ben, a smile from Vanya, and a pout from Five who still didn’t want you to leave

you pinched his cheek for good measure before running off giggling

arriving at the kitchen, you were surprised - but not really - to see Five there

apparently he went into the kitchen “to help you carry things”

sure- he just wanted to see what you’d make

and so you made them all sandwiches and trimmed the sides off of course which earned youa pleased hum from your ever so helpful brother

his sandwich, after his persistence, had two extra marshmallows

after making their sandwiches you convinced him to head on first with them

and once he left, you went on to make tea for yourself, juice for both Ben and Vanya, and your special brew for Five

once entering the room, the tray of drinks was immediately snatched from you and popped onto the table with Five wearing a cat got the canary grin, “ahh the only person in the world who knows how to make a proper blend- aside from me of course.”

you rolled your eyes and thanked him for his rare compliment on your coffee making skills

Ben and Vanya thanked you for the snacks and you beamed at them and kissed their cheeks as a reply

which led to Five asking you where his kiss was

knowing you’ll get nowhere arguing with him, you kissed his cheek while he was in the middle of ranting of why he deserves a kiss too

which led to his rant being cut off and him spluttering while slowly turning red

which led to you, Vanya, and Ben laughing which resulted in Five slowly smiling and joining your laughter as well

and that’s how you spent your afternoon- the four youngest siblings bonding- talking and laughing about anything and everything under the sun until you ran out of topics and just laid in comfortable silence to the point where you all fell asleep

and that’s how the eldest four siblings found you-

Allison placed a blanket over all of you before leaving with Luther to go on their date

Diego took the trays, plates, and cups you used for your snacks and brought them downstairs before leaving to gomeet with Detective Patch

and Klaus- Klaus laid down next to you so you were in between him and Five and feel asleep almost immediately

the first sleep he’s had in years that didn’t contain nightmares- and of course it was because you were there

you were always there for him- for all of them, really

you never shyed away from showing affection

and you never failed to show your love and care for them

ever

[poetic-emptiness-fanfic]

On The Street Where You Live

My head has been swarming with ideas lately, and I just had to get this one out. Here’s Hande who may or may not have a crush on a certain Nøkken. Thank you, Viking, for creating these wonderful characters and them being Hande’s friends. I hope I managed to do justice for them!

The name of this drabble is from a song On The Street Where You Live from My Fair Lady Musical (and here’s the mandatory rant about how they dubbed Jeremy Brett’s singing in the film - he had remarkable singing voice so it’s a crime they didn’t use it)

Characters: Hande Kuura, Lydik (mentioned) & Reidunn (mentioned - Lydik and Reidunn belong to @vikinglumberjack)

No content warnings.

Words: 955

Once again Hande found herself near Reidunn's and Lydik's place. She didn't intend to go there, she only wanted to go for a walk after a long day at work. Still, there she is, looking at a window, that just happens to be the window to a room of a certain Nøkken. Well, why wouldn't she look at it? Reidunn has been her friend for a decade, at least, and once she has come to know Lydik, Hande has really started to enjoy his company, too. Of course, it's not the easiest to have a conversation with someone who can't speak, but at first Reidunn had interpreted his social cues, and later Hande has learnt to understand them herself. The magician has also studied Morse code and sign language in order to discuss with the Nøkken.

Thinking of Lydik causes Hande to chuckle: to be entirely honest, befriending a Nøkken is a little bizarre for someone with her background. During her childhood she was always warned about Nøkken, or as they call the creature in Hongas, ”näkki”. They weren't a thing in Karnassos, but in Hjalle you could be certain, that every lake or pond might be a home of one. And Nøkken were always mean and wanted to drag you under surface to drown you and then eat you. Hande knows lots of spells for getting a Nøkken out of water when you're going to swim, and has used them just in case.

Hande may have even encountered a Nøkken on the shore of the lake her vaari's house is, when she was 12 years old. She had heard someone playing a violin, but she didn't think any of it, because she didn't have an urge to go to the water after hearing it. Armas-vaari was horrified, tho, after hearing Hande was trying to play a tune she'd heard with her own violin. He told Hande there was no one else, except for Hande, who could play violin in that area.

Still, when Reidunn had introduced Lydik to Hande, and told her he is a Nøkken, the woman had thought she's no one to judge. If Lydik was Reidunn's friend, he should be trustworthy. Hande could also sense he is secretly a little shy, although he was very easygoing from the start. And well, Hande has a soft spot for the shy ones. Despite of the language barrier, they have gotten along pretty well, and it didn't take long time for Hande to grow fond of the Nøkken. It was nice to hear him play his fiddle, and after some time Hande even had the courage to play her violin in front of him – something she didn't do with anyone. Lydik also seemed to like, when the magician read books to him.

The Nøkken has visited Hande's thoughts pretty often recently. How he pews every time he sees Hande, his beautiful fiddle playing and cute pets, the smirk on his face, his hypnotizing eyes... No matter which form Lydik's in, Hande finds him beautiful. She hasn't noticed that before, but for a few weeks she's caught herself thinking that Lydik is rather attractive. Well, it's probably because she finds him such a good friend – people (or Nøkken or huldras) tend to look more beautiful in her eyes when she grows to like them more. For her, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with romantic feelings, oh no...  Definitely not in Lydik's case. 

The Nøkken has also started to gift her flowers. Since her earth magic is one of her strongest magical abilities, she was delighted by his gesture. Hande has pressed all of them in her books and glued them to her journal (a detail she hasn't told to anyone). When Hande found out, that Lydik had stolen the flowers from Reidunn, she asked him not to do that – Hande felt bad for receiving flowers that were from her best friend, taken without permission. She still couldn't deny that the Nøkken's behavior was endearing in her opinion.

Hmph, all this stream of consciousness, all of it about Lydik... That name... Hande finds it rather lyrical. The woman notices she's still staring at his window, and bashfully lowers her gaze, hoping no one has noticed her staring or grinning. Feeling confused, Hande wonders if she should try to knock on their front door and see, if either Reidunn or Lydik was home. After pacing a little she decides against it – she wouldn't want to disturb them and well, she wouldn't want anyone to notice where her mind has been lately. Especially Reidunn has known Hande so long that she'd probably notice something's amiss. The magician also rather enjoyed her daydreaming, tho she definitely wouldn't admit it – not even to herself.

Still, Hande walks towards the backyard of the home of her friends. Smiling to herself, she gently twists a wrist of her right hand, concentrating on the ground below Lydik's window. A bush of gardenias appears from the ground. Hande hadn't thought about what flowers she wanted to grow, but was satisfied with the result – gardenias look rather pretty next to the wall. With that, Hande turns around, intending to go home. Her steps feel lighter than before, almost like she's flying. The magician restrains herself from whistling, although she can't help but hum a tune she's not sure where she'd heard that.

After wandering for a while, the woman suddenly stops. Gardenias... Why gardenias? Could it be that her feelings have... Nah, there's no way. It's been so long since Hande has had a crush on, let alone fallen in love with someone. Lydik is a good friend of hers, nothing more. No one – not even a charming Nøkken – could steal her heart.

[sciencebased-syscourse]

@plurality-without-ableism

Yeah, it is a bit of a long post. :’) And unfortunately I’m a bit of a long writer, so:

What I’m saying is that it’s fine and good to use TOSD to talk about DID, but it takes an extra step to use it to say anything about endogenic systems. The authors regularly describe it as about dissociation in the context of trauma and say, “Well there are things outside of trauma that cause similar experiences, but we’re gonna ignore that.”

(That’s one of the biggest criticisms we see against it from other dissociation researchers -- that it’s kinda just gone ahead and defined lots of other experiences out of the realm of “things we dissociative researchers should have anything to say about” (all the responses in vol. 12, no. 4 of the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation are a great read if you have access). Shout out to non-traumagenic depersonalisation/derealisation disorder, explicitly argued in The Haunted Self to not be inherently dissociative and thus left literally unexplainable by TOSD, RIP you will be missed.)

I won’t call it a “logical leap” or anything, since all you need is “... and all things need to be explained -- or at least acknowledged -- by current psychological theories.” But it is a step, and you could just as easily use that step to say something like:

Endogenic multiplicity is real, but only DID and OSDD-1 cause switches. After all, identity alternation has been one of the five “core dissociative symptoms” for decades! Neurological imaging suggests that switching is associated with differences in the brain similar to differences found in PTSD-only brains, so shouldn’t that be impossible without trauma? Why would an endogenic system even need to switch away from the core? All these endogenic systems claiming to “switch” really just have DID or OSDD-1. Prove me wrong, using scientific research -- you know, the research that is only about DID to begin with.

And I’ve seen that argued before! Almost any experience of multiplicity, I’ve seen (1) claimed that it “can’t happen in endogenic systems, even if endogenic multiplicity was real” and (2) claimed by systems of all sorts anyways. Complete switches, blurring, amnesia, internal disagreements, not having a host, having any sort of ‘roles’ (including ‘host’, presumably), being ‘parts of the same person,’ being ‘entirely different people’...

It becomes just a matter of where you want to draw that circle of “allowable endogenic multiplicity” -- and whose self-identification you want to doubt -- which is ultimately a non-scientific decision when the studies don’t exist. I really do think it makes more sense to go all the way and say, nah, none of that endo stuff is real, but I’m maybe a bit cynical. :’)

I can’t talk with you on a scientific level regarding theories that don’t exist. I can gesture at blind spots in the pre-existing or give some of the ideas for our own system -- (probably something like “If full integration is a developmental achievement, then this brain just didn’t, and is thus as capable of splits and “new unintegrated material” as any dissociative system”). But at some point, I’m just going to run into the issue where the base of my evidence comes from my own experiences, yeah?

[sysba]

and they were roommates!

pairing: Aurora Emery x Jackie Varma

words: 700+

warnings: just teasing/innuendos but nothing extreme

prompt: “How long has it been since you’ve slept?” (for @tayab12​​​ )

a/n: again, sorry for taking so long (it’s been 4 months since i said i would’ve written oph fics lmao but i’m slowly trying to write all the requests i swear!)

The sound of the main door closing with a thump did almost nothing to distract Aurora from her textbook. At this point she’d been at it for hours, dozens of articles and medical journals spread in front of her for research, the words on the pages swirling around in a blur as she tried to stay focused. The coffee helped. Mostly. And thankfully, the house was pretty quiet since Elijah headed out with Phoebe, Victoria was spending the week at Bryce’s place and everyone else was working. 

Aurora was used to her friends constantly coming and going⎼ it’s bound to happen when you live with so many people. But the sound of her own bedroom door opening after a short knock surprised her a little bit.

“Hey,” greeted Jackie, waltzing in without waiting for an invite. She was never one for pleasantries and ceremonies. But then again, she still managed to make Aurora’s heart beat faster as she casually leaned against her desk to peek at what she was reading. There was a strand of dark hair that had escaped her low bun and was hanging threateningly close to Aurora’s cheek. “Still studying?”

Aurora let out a groan that was half-sigh. “Yeah… and I’m nowhere near finished.”

“Who knew people at Mass Kenmore actually studied! I thought y’all just sat around all day looking pretty,” teased Jackie with a grin, at which Aurora rolled her eyes.

“You do remember we used to work together, right?” she chuckled, trying her best to inject at least a drop of annoyance in her amused tone. Jackie’s use of the word ‘pretty’, and the way she had deliberately popped the P when saying it, hadn’t gone unnoticed. Aurora cleared her throat, raising an eyebrow. “Needed something?”

In all response, Jackie shrugged and scratched the back of her neck in an almost nervous motion. “Nah, I was just here to tell you I brought take out if you’re hungry. I may have misjudged the capacity of my stomach when buying it.”

Lie. They both knew Jackie didn’t ‘misjudge’ anything. The corners of Aurora’s mouth curved in a delighted smirk. 

“Are you inviting me to have dinner with you?” she asked with a faux gasp. “What’s next, Varma? Cuddles?”

Something in Jackie’s eyes darkened as she leaned even closer, humming as she noticed Aurora holding her breath for a moment. “Mmh, you’d love that, wouldn’t you? Careful, Emery. You don’t wanna tease me...” 

Actually, I really think I do. Aurora didn’t say it⎼ nor she needed too. Her expression as Jackie plopped down in her lap and laced her arms around her neck was telling enough. She found herself mirroring Jackie’s smirk, despite the heat she felt rushing to her cheeks. Her arms wrapped around her roommate’s waist. 

Roommates… was that what they were? No reason to wonder about that now.

“Seriously though,” continued Jackie, breaking the tension between them as her tempting smile faded into a slight frown. “I think you could use a break. How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

“I, uh, took a power nap a while ago?”

“Was it a power nap or did you just blink for a few seconds? ‘Cause you look terrible.”

Aurora glared at her. “Why, thank you for your honesty! It is so appreciated.” There was no small amount of sarcasm in her words, and Jackie snickered, hand reaching up to stroke Aurora’s face. The gesture was gentle, loving, the softness in it quite uncharacteristic for Jackie. Not even the sultry look on her face could distract Aurora enough from noticing how her touch had lingered.

“Don’t worry. You still look hot as hell.” Jackie winked and made a show of leaning back to check out Aurora, biting her bottom lip seductively. “Honestly, good enough to eat.”

“Stop,” laughed Aurora, shaking her head at her antics but holding her a little tighter anyway. “You’re ridiculous.”

Jackie shrugged dismissively. “But you like me anyway.” She paused as if weighing her options. When she spoke again, all the playfulness had disappeared from her face. Instead, she was meeting Aurora’s gaze with focused intensity, and when she spoke again there was a questioning undertone to her sentence. “You like me.”

“...I do.”

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

The Twelve Days of Holly, Jolly Tidings - Day 2

Disclaimers: I watched “Dash & Lily” the other day on Netflix. This story is LOOSELY based on that book and Netflix series.  I do not own “Dash and Lily” or Newsies or anything recognizable within the series.  There are occasional curse words throughout the series, nothing too horrible but there’s some.  

Saturday, December 14 

Mornings were the worst for her. It was awful having to drag herself out of a warm bed, only to be cold as soon as her feet hit the hardwood floors. She mentally reminded herself that she needed to purchase some rugs, as the hardwood floors weren’t going to be so forgiving as the winter months continued. 

Quickly getting dressed, she threw on a pair of jeans and a festive winter sweater that was cozy enough to combat the harsh NYC December weather. Slipping her feet into her slippers, she padded out to the living room, shocked that she saw colorful lights reflecting against the wall. 

Pausing, she distinctly remembered unplugging the tree last night before she went to bed, but low and behold it was lit up.  As it was yesterday, a box wrapped in emerald green reindeers was sitting under the lit up tree. 

She bypassed the tree, heading into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. Waiting for the drink to brew, she shook her head at her boyfriend. His one mission in life was to make those closest to him happy - as long as those he loved were happy, he was happy. 

They had met accidentally - he had bumped into her outside of the library their junior year of college.  She was studying journalism while he was studying mixed media arts - they should have never met, not in a million years, they had no reason to.  He had apologized profusely, before convincing her to grab coffee with him.  After a few minutes, she agreed and that was the start of their relationship.  She couldn’t stop thinking about him and after a month, he confessed the same thing before asking her out on a date. For the past 5 years they had been together; her effortlessly fitting in with his group of friends and him charming her little group of friends. 

The coffee maker beeped, letting her know her cup of joe was ready. She added some creamer before padding back into the living room, sitting on the floor in front of the tree. Taking a sip of the coffee, she sighed in contentment before picking up the box. As she did yesterday, she smiled taking the notebook out of the box, eager to see what Jack had up his sleeve for today.  Walking over to the couch, she settled in before opening the notebook to see the familiar scrawl. 

Katherine,

Happy 2nd day of Christmas!  Based on what you wrote yesterday, it seemed you had fun on your little adventure - that makes me so happy! 

Today’s adventure - you’re going to see the Big Guy himself.  Head to the Harold Square Macy’s and tell him exactly what you want for Christmas - let your imagination run wild, tell him everything! 

Have fun today and I love you! 

Jack 

Biting back a cuss word, she shook her head. Of course her boyfriend would send her into a department store with only 10 shopping days left before Christmas.  Pausing, she smiled - she had confessed to Jack how she loved going to visit Santa as a child. There was something special when her parents would take her and her siblings to visit Jolly Old St Nick and tell him everything they wanted that year. 

Maybe Jack knew her better than she thought he did . . . 

Later that afternoon

Pounding down the stairs to the D train, she rubbed her hands together vigorously trying to get some warmth in them as she bounced on her toes waiting for the train to arrive. Her ears picked up the sound of someone playing Silent Night on a violin a bit down the platform. Singing softly under her breath, a smile tugged at her lips as she listened to her favorite Christmas song. 

The train came into the station with a screeching whine, before coming to a complete stop, allowing passengers to leave and others to hop into the car. She took a seat, her bag on her lap as the train continued its journey. 

Secretly, she had always loved the Subway, even as a child, though her parents hated it. She always loved that everyone was together in that car just to get from one place to another. When she was on longer train rides, she would try to figure out where everyone was going to - meeting up with friends or family, first dates, old dates - but as she got older, she stopped playing the game, opting to write on the longer journeys. 

She was knocked from her thoughts as the train pulled into her station. Making sure she had everything, she made her way out onto the platform before ascending the stairs and heading to Macy’s.  Biting back a groan, she watched hoards of people make their way to the famous department store before walking inside. Sighing, she pushed herself forward and joined the queue to get into the store. 

Taking a moment to get her bearings, she inhaled deeply before pushing forward. She headed to the 8th floor, where Santa Land was located.  Trying to hold her frustrations down, she put a smile on her face as she made her way up the escalators. 

As she stepped off the escalator, she was surprised the line wasn’t very long. Joining the queue, she ignored the looks from the parents in the line, pulling out her phone to see a message from Jack. 

Ignore the haters - enjoy your time with Santa. Remember, tell the big guy alllllll the things you want

She grinned, her finger dancing across the screen texting him back.  Do you have an in with the big guy? Trying to figure out what to get me for Christmas? 

Three dots bounced up and down as he typed something.  Nah, your present is bought and wrapped and hidden away. But Race might need some help so he’ll be conferring with the big guy

She threw her head back laughing at his response. He never failed to make her laugh, one of her favorite qualities of his.  If Race needs ideas, he can ask me himself.  I’m in line at Macy’s. 

The three dots returned as she moved closer to Santa. I know . . . have fun. 

Her head whipped around the area, looking for a telltale sign of Jack being near. Looking around, she didn’t see him anywhere. Her phone vibrated again in her hand. You’re cold as ice, sweets. Don’t look for me . . . just have fun and tell the big guy everything on your list.  

She shook her head, watching a little girl enthusiastically greet Santa. BTW, you look really cute in your Santa hat.  After your visit with Santa, look in the notebook. 

Glaring at her phone, she couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth at his text message.  She watched the little girl hop off Santa’s lap before the elf gave her a look, motioning her forward. 

Walking up the steps, she gave Santa a look before he patted his lap.  She grinned, pushing away her embarrassment before taking a delicate seat on his lap. “Hello Santa.” 

“Hello Katherine.” Her eyes went wide, as Santa grinned at her. “Merry Christmas. Tell, what would you like me to bring you this year?” 

She thought about all the things she could tell him but one thing came to mind. “I just want my family and friends to be happy.” 

He chuckled deeply, a typical Santa laugh. “Jack did mention you’d wish for something not for yourself but for others.  Now, Katherine, what can I bring you?” 

“You know Jack?” She whispered, giving him a look before scanning Santa Land. 

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Yes, our friend Jack is a mutual friend. But, Katherine, what do you want for Christmas?” 

“I want to believe again . . . and a new fuzzy blanket.” She rushed out, chuckling along with his deep chuckles as he shook his head. 

“Merry Christmas, Katherine. I hope all your wishes come true.” He handed her a candy cane before a photo was snapped. As she stood, he winked at her before becking the next child in line forward. 

She skipped down the stairs, pausing to look at Santa once more before heading towards the exit.  She scanned the area once more before heading towards the escalators. She headed down to the third floor, where she knew a Starbucks was located. Walking in, she quickly ordered a Peppermint Hot Chocolate before picking a table.  Putting her bag on her lap, she grabbed the notebook from it before flipping it open.

Did you tell Santa I say hello? Did you tell him everything you wished for?  Santa and I go way back . . . he’s an old family friend who loves the romance of the holidays. 

Now I want you to think about your past Christmas’ - what are the things that stand out when you think about those memories? Write them down . . . 

A smirk tugged at her lips as she thought of Christmas’ past. Her sixth Christmas especially stands out because she ended up in the Emergency Room with a broken wrist from a sledding accident gone horribly wrong. And the seventh Christmas when she received Samantha, an American Girl doll that she begged her parents for for months prior to Christmas. She remembers how still she got really still when she unwrapped the doll - absolute shock and awe across her face as she looked up at her parents. Her teenage Christmases were filled with rambunctious yells from her siblings as they uncovered whatever was under the tree.  

In that Starbucks, she wrote line after line of precious memories, some of which she had never told a soul.  The memories were easily recalled, tumbling into her mind faster than she could write them down. A smile was on her face the entire time she thought back on 24 years worth of Christmases. 

Now re-read everything you’ve written down - you’ve had some great memories, all associated with Christmas and the magic the season holds. Now head to the second floor and look for the Teddy Bear display. Leave the notebook with the teddy bear with the green bowtie and there’s a surprise awaiting you. 

Picking up her cup, she tucked the notebook back in her bag before leaving the shop. Hopping on the descending escalator, she took a sip of her hot chocolate, sighing and reflecting on the day she’s had. Stepping off the escalator,  she went right, eyes wide looking for the teddy bear display. 

As she rounded the corner, she found the massive display of more than 50 teddy bears. Stepping forward, her eyes searched high and low to find the teddy bear with the green bowtie.   She grinned, finding him in the very center, holding a white box in its hands. Taking the white box, she slid the notebook in between the green bowtie bear and the adjacent bear, making sure it wouldn’t fall. Backing away from the display, she slipped into the doll section, careful to stay out of the way of serious shoppers. Taking the red ribbon off the white box, she smiled opening it up.  A smile curled over her lips as she saw the small Santa charm nestled in the cotton. Picking it up, she grinned seeing his little red hat and jolly smile. Putting it back in the box, she put the box in her bag, eye looking at the display but noticing the notebook was already gone. She laughed, shaking her head before heading down the escalator and out into the city. 

 Meanwhile

He grinned, opening his phone and looking at the photo he took of Kat on Santa’s lap. She had the biggest smile on her face and she looked so at ease sitting up there. An old family friend had been playing Santa at Macy’s for years and was only too happy to help Jack out with his request.  Locking his phone, he followed her as she made her way from Starbuck to the second floor where the toy department was.  He watched her bounce on her toes, looking for the specific bear he had told her about before finding it, a smile lighting up her face.  Watching that she was distracted, he quickly grabbed the notebook before slipping back amongst the toys. He grinned, this was turning out to be too easy and that was the way he preferred it. 

Thanks for reading Day 2! I would love to hear your thoughts! Feedback is especially appreciated and loved! 

[jeremys-blogs]

Aftermath (Fan Fiction)

To say that the mood in the house was muted would have been an understatement right now. From the moment the sun had risen there had been an overwhelming quiet throughout the entire place. Few things had been said to each other aside from the customary morning greetings, and for the time being everyone seemed content to just keep to themselves. Through the corner of her eye, Luz could see Eda making attempts to make circles in the air, only for said shapes to simply pass on with no effect. Of course, the older witch would stop as soon as she felt her apprentice's eyes on her, but then things would get somewhat better when the youth offered her a smile. But as nice a moment as that was, it was ended when the house's latest resident entered the living room. Lilith glanced to each of them, with Luz especially showing discomfort at her presence, but to the former's credit she said nothing, instead just walking over to the nearest window to look outside. After a while though, the silence became too much, and Luz knew that there were important things that needed to be said. "Will he send someone after us?"

All eyes were on the human now, save for Lilith, who kept her gaze on the outside. "The Emperor?" She paused, but knew without looking that Luz had nodded to the counter-question. "Hard to say. His reasons for coming after you and Eda were because of the portal...and that's no longer something he can have."

Luz winced, her memory of that moment still fresh in her mind. But as bad as it was that she herself had severed her only connection to her home, it also gave her other worries. "Will he come for revenge? We kinda humiliated him back there."

Placing her hand upon the windowsill, Lilith pondered for a moment. "Belos was always hard to read...but I think that, for now at least, he will keep his distance." For the first time since the conversation started, she turned, looking to Eda specifically. "You and I are no longer the powerful witches we were, Edalyn. It could be that he no longer considers us a threat worth pursuing."

Eda frowned to that. "Don't count on it, sis. Guys like that don't let slights go unanswered. He might not come in force, but he'll at least be keeping an eye on us." She too let her eyes drift to the window. "I wouldn't be surprised if he has someone spying on us right now."

"Ha!" Everyone turned to see that it was King who had laughed, and the small demon confidently strode towards Luz. "I say let em come! Luz here will show em what for!"

Luz smiled, appreciating the vote of confidence, which she showed by patting her friend on the head. But her expression soon turned serious as thoughts of Belos returned to her. "I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't want another shot at that guy. And hey..." She reached into her back pocket, pulling out the small fragment of the Emperor's mask that she'd kept. "I know he's not invincible."

Lilith frowned. "Be wary of overconfidence, apprentice. One successful hit does not win a war."

Eda smirked. "Depends on the hit." When her sister looked back to her, she continued. "All these years, everyone on the Isles though Belos was this big, indestructible king. Untouchable. And then what happens? A human girl comes along and whams him right in the kisser." She snorted briefly. "Everyone saw him up there, mask cracked and all. Word will spread. Maybe his grip isn't as iron-clad as everyone thought."

Hearing that, Lilith arched an eyebrow. "You expect some revolution?" she asked, her voice dripping with scepticism.

Eda shrugged. "Wouldn't be the worst thing to happen." She turned to Luz, smiling. "Oh, what I would have given to have been there when you gave that guy that wake-up call. I can't think of anything better."

Luz blushed, scratching the side of her cheek. "Honestly, I think he was just playing with me. He thought I was no danger." Her smile faded. "If he'd have been serious...I probably wouldn't be here right now."

Eda too looked disheartened, if only a little. "Me neither, kiddo."

Looking down to King, Luz stared at him for a time, then took a deep breath. "But no matter how strong he is...he still needs to be fought." She took a few steps forward, looking to Lilith and then to Eda. "We might not be his target right now, but he's still there, doing who knows what. Other witches will be going through hard times because of him. I saw the other statues, the other petrified witches." She paused here, seeing the discomfort on her mentor's face, no doubt as a result of thinking of what she nearly had happen to her. "He's not going to stop..." Her hand tightened into a fist. "Not unless someone stops him."

Lilith studied her for a long time, then folded her arms as she let out a sigh. "Fine words, child. But let's not forget that you speak of the most powerful being on the Isles. Someone we only just managed to get away from. Even if Eda and I were at our best, which we are most definitely not right now, we would stand little hope of victory against him. How exactly do you plan to bring about this glorious triumph you propose, when we now stand at our weakest?"

As much as she didn't want to admit it, Lilith was right, though Luz maintained her frown as she looked to her. "...However we can."

A silence fell between the two, ending when Lilith at last cracked a smile, then turned to her long-estranged sibling. "I can see why you took her in."

Eda chuckled. "Yep, she's a fire-starter alright."

Luz very much wanted to speak further, but it was here when the door of the house creaked open, causing all to jump slightly. Thankfully, it wasn't some intruder coming to face them, but simply the smiling face of Hooty, who spoke up in that ever-cheerful way of his. "Hoot-hoot! Special delivery! Did anybody order a couple of best friends?"

Though confused, Luz soon understood the words as she saw two figures walk through the front door. Two youths who grinned from ear to ear as soon as they saw her. "Luz!" Willow exclaimed.

The moment she laid eyes on them, Luz looked like she was going to burst into tears of joy, and such was her elation at seeing them that she rushed forward. So great was the impact of her embrace that the two other children were nearly knocked back from it, but thankfully they held their ground and returned the embrace, smiling all the way. It was a sweet moment, and one that even a cynic like Eda couldn't help but grin at, though she remained silent as Luz finally spoke to her friends. "I heard what you did, getting people on our side back there. I...I can't thank you enough."

Willow looked to her fondly. "After everything you've done for us, it was the least we could do."

Gus' smile grew. "Yeah! And hey, if nothing else, my Dad said it was the most eventful broadcast he's ever done. So there's that."

Luz looked to her younger friend with apprehension. "You weren't in too much trouble for that, were you?"

Gus waved her off. "What? Me? Nah. Dad just asked me to check in with him first before I suddenly decide to use his broadcasts to voice anti-Emperor sentiment to the public next time."

Luz had to fight the urge to laugh after a remark like that, but thankfully Willow was there to bring the conversation back to the more serious matter at hand. "Is it true? What they're saying? You actually fought...him?"

Her human friend's smile vanished, replaced instead with a more sombre look. "Yeah, it's true. And I won't lie to you guys...it was kind of a losing fight on my end."

As one would expect after hearing that, Willow and Gus looked to her with astonishment, but also an understandable degree of awe. "You...actually fought...Belos?!" Gus shouted out. In an instant, he whipped out his paper pad and pencil, going into full school journalism mode. "What was the fight like? What spells did you use? Did Belos favour abominations or something else?"

Luz smiled, grateful at her friend for doing at least this to bring the mood up, but when she spoke it was with somewhat less enthusiasm than him. "I'll tell you all about it. But right now I'm just grateful to see you're both okay. Last time I saw you...well....things weren't all that good."

Willow shivered, holding herself as she too thought back to their last encounter with one another. "Don't remind me. When we saw you being taken by that awful Lilith, we worried we'd never see...you...again."

Her voice had become slower and more fearful, and Luz knew already that the moment she'd been dreading had arrived. Her two friends had finally spotted that Lilith was here among them, and the older witch herself now stepped forward. Ever the professional, she had her hands clasped behind her back, giving the two newcomers a small nod of acknowledgement. "Students."

They were both still stunned at her presence, but Willow shook herself out of it, looking to Luz with expected confusion. "Wha...what is she doing here?!"

Luz looked away, thinking hard on how best to answer. "Well, it's kind of a long story...but the short of it is that she's turned against the Emperor and is on our side now...kind of."

Gus blinked a couple of times to that, then again slowly looked to Lilith, then to Eda. "So...is everything...good?" he asked, his voice betraying his uncertainty at the whole thing.

Hearing the question, Eda and Lilith glanced to one another, with the former smiling in that mischievous way she loved so much. "Oh sure, it's no problem. I mean she only cursed me, worked alongside an oppressive dictator and headed the years-long campaign to try and capture me, but hey, it's all good, right sis?"

Lilith at least had the decency to blush somewhat after that, giving Luz the opportunity to look back to her friends. "I think...we're working on it."

"Hoot-hoot! We've got an abomination incoming!" Hooty declared.

All eyes were to the door now. "The Emperor's Coven?!" Luz asked.

Hooty smiled. "Nope! Just that abomination girl."

Luz narrowed her eyes as her mind began to think. "Abomination gir..." Then her eyes widened. "Amity!"

Sure enough, her guess was right on the money, as her other Hexside classmate suddenly arrived onto the scene, carried by her trusty and faithful abomination, who gently let her down so she could get her crutch onto the floor. Once she was sure she was going to be okay on the ground, the fellow Azura fan looked to her otherworldly friend with as much worry as Willow and Gus had been showing. "Luz! Are you okay?!"

Luz rushed to her side, helping to keep her steady. "I was about to ask you that question. Have you recovered yet?"

Amity giggled nervously. "Well, no, not yet. But when I heard you were back here I knew I had to come and see." In that moment, she noticed too that Willow and Gus were here. "Oh. Hey."

The others nodded back to her. "Hey," Willow responded with a smile.

When Amity's attention returned to Luz, she opened her mouth to speak, only to be cut-off when the human girl began to preemptively answer her. "Yes, I went to the castle, yes, I broke Eda out, and yes...I fought Belos. Everyone else has already asked."

Amity immediately turned a shade paler after hearing all that, and when she hobbled forward slightly, her voice was one of pure disbelief. "Do...do you realise what you've done?! You've gone against the leader of the whole Boiling Isles! You'll be declared a criminal! An enemy of the state! He'll be coming for you!"

Luz could hear the worry in her voice, and looked to her softly. "I know...and thank you for worrying about me. But..." She looked over her shoulder, to Eda, and after the master and apprentice shared a glance with one another, Luz turned back to face Amity. "But I just couldn't let him have her."

Amity calmed down now, and also afforded herself a quick blush when she realised that Luz's hand was still on her shoulder. Backing away slightly, she cleared her throat. "Well...I'm just glad you're okay." Her concerned look returned shortly afterwards. "I'm...not sure if you'll be allowed to go back to Hexside after this. Everyone probably knows you're Eda's apprentice now. They might not want you at the school with the other students."

It was a point Luz admittedly hadn't considered, and Willow and Gus too seemed taken aback by the thought, looking to each other with sadness at the prospect of no longer going to school with her. But after a while, Luz looked to all three of her fellow students with the same determination she'd had when going to Belos' castle. "If that's the price...then I'll just have to accept it." She forced a smile. "Besides, it's not as if we won't see each other, right?"

Though the other children were still clearly dwelling on the more negative aspects of this situation, let it never be said that Luz's optimism wasn't infectious when she really got around to it. Amity, Willow and Gus all smiled to her, silently conceding to her point. Alas, as pleasant as this moment was, it was soon interrupted by none other than King, who walked to Luz and looked up to her. "We're all with you, Luz. Criminal or not, we'll help you."

Luz looked to him appreciatively. "Thanks, King. If I had to be stuck anywhere, I'm glad I'm stuck with you guys."

Those words immediately piqued the interest of her friends. "Wait...stuck? What are you walking about?" Willow asked.

A deep sigh from Luz. "Belos wanted Eda and me because of the portal to the human world. And...I had to destroy it." Seeing the looks of shock her friends were giving her, she elaborated. "It was either that or let him have it. I have no idea what he wanted with it, but whatever it was it couldn't be good."

Gus stepped forward. "So...you can't go home?"

In spite of that admittedly bad turn of events, Luz kept her smile. "For now...but I'll get back somehow. I don't know how...but I will."

Amity matched her determination. "And we'll help you. All of us."

Luz smiled to her, again patting her on the shoulder. "Thank you."

Amity smiled back, but through the corner of her eyes she could see movement, and when she turned to see who it was, she looked on with amazement to see that it was her own mentor, Lilith. Like with Willow and Gus, Amity was unsure of what to say or do, and so only managed to get out a whisper. "Miss...Miss Lilith?"

Lilith shook her head. "I am no longer leader of the Emperor's Coven, Amity. There's no need to be calling me 'Miss' right now."

Confusion sank in for the abomination prodigy, and after looking around at everyone else in the house, she clasped her hand over her forehead. "I think...we might need to hear the whole story on this one, Luz."

Willow raised her hand. "I second that."

Luz chuckled, nodding slowly. "Then come on in. I'll get some tea."

Eda watched as her apprentice led her friends into the house proper, and as soon as they were off to the kitchens, she looked over to Lilith, who had once more taken to staring out of the window. "So...why did he want it? The portal?"

Lilith sighed. "I don't know. I may have been his right hand, but he kept secrets even from me. All I know is that access to the human world was important for his plans."

Eda reclined into her sofa, giving herself a quick stretch before speaking up again. "Well, guess he'll have to come up with a new plan. Can't go anywhere with a burned portal after all."

Lilith glanced to her, then again to the window, narrowing her eyes as she looked to the horizon. "...I hope."

[maatryoshkaa]

young god | chapter 1

serial killer!han jisung au

chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | epilogue |

genre: angst, thriller, romance

pairing: han jisung ( stray kids) x reader

word count: 1.9k

warnings: mild language, mature themes + violence

description: when your best friend Felix sets you up on a blind date with adorable medical student Han Jisung, you find yourself falling for his sweet words and dark eyes, and the even darker secrets he hides behind his charming, angelic smile.

watch the trailer here!

1 | blind date

You were beginning to wonder if you’d been stood up.

Mia’s Diner was usually busy, bustling with students and townspeople alike, but today it was nearly deserted: just you, two students studying in a booth across the room, and an old man reading what seemed to be a newspaper upside-down in the corner. A lone waitress was stacking clean milkshake glasses behind the counter.

It was raining hard outside, the drops sounding like impatient fingers tapping at the window beside you. As you peered through the glass, you caught a glimpse of a boy on a rusty bike, waiting to cross the street. Yang Jeongin, you recognized -- the delivery boy. A silver Walkman was tucked into the back pocket of his jeans, his lips mouthing the words to a song, a halo of dripping blonde hair sticking out from underneath his hood. He was smiling, despite the fact that it was pouring buckets, and he’d likely been up doing deliveries since 6 in the morning. Yang Jeongin was always smiling.

The light flashed red, traffic halted, and the delivery boy sped away. 

Turning your attention back to the empty seat in front of you, you sighed.

Your date was thirty minutes late.

Your mind was running over all the ways you were going to give Felix hell when you saw him in class tomorrow; how you were going to explain to him that you’d been stood up on the blind date he’d arranged for you. 

“You know what they call me? The Matchmaker of Miroh Heights. Has a nice ring to it, huh?”

You’d groaned as your best friend wiggled his eyebrows. Felix loved playing wingman. As the school photographer and a talented journalism major, he was the one who came up with the “Cutest Couples” section in the campus newspaper -- photoshoots and candid shots of pairings, most of which he’d set up. Still, you’d never thought that his...work...would extend to you.

It had been a while since you’d entertained the notion of love. You’d had your fair share of unrequited crushes and relationships that had not-so-pleasant endings, so the moment you’d enrolled into college and the workload had swept up your entire schedule, you’d left love on the backburner. You kept telling yourself that the right person would come at the right time -- but Felix seemed to have other ideas.

“Let’s see...Hyojong? Ah, no, I forgot -- he’s taken by that pretty senior. Lucky bastard.” He huffed. “Or...Seungcheol? Nah, doesn’t seem your type. Ah!” He snapped his fingers, making you jump. “I know!”

“Felix, for the last damn time -- I don’t need a boyfriend right now.”

“Just one date? Please?” The blond boy hung up the last photo, a mischievous glint in his eyes visible even in the dark room. “I know a great guy -- health sciences major and everything. You two are practically made for each other.”

“I’m a psychology major, ‘Lix. I don’t know -- you know I’m no good at blind dates--” you caught sight of his puppy-dog expression, and sighed in defeat. “Fine! Fine. What’s his name, then?”

The school journalist flashed an impish grin. “Han Jisung.”

Han Jisung.

He was the reason why you were here, sat in a near-empty diner on a rainy Sunday afternoon, waiting for a date to show up while a pile of psychology coursework waited for you back at home. 

Maybe he couldn’t make it, you told yourself -- it was pouring buckets outside. Maybe it was better to swallow your hopes and head back. Biting your lip, you pulled out your phone, tapping on Jisung’s contact (courtesy of Felix) and typing. 

New Message

Hey, I’m y/n! I’m really sorry, but I had to leave.

Your finger hovered over the Send button, hesitating. What if he was on his way? Or got caught in traffic? Still, it had been over thirty minutes…

You were so caught up in your dilemma that you barely registered the sound of the diner door swinging open, and the sound of wet footsteps squeaking until they stopped at your booth.

“Hello!”

You nearly threw your phone into the face of the boy who had spoken, his hand shooting out to catch it before it fell to the floor. Drenched from head to toe from the rain -- cheeks flushed and breathing hard as if he’d been running, dark hair falling in his wide eyes, lips spread in a breathless smile -- was your date. 

His other hand was hidden behind his back as he handed your phone back to you, cool fingers grazing yours as your eyes met. 

Well, shit.

He was absolutely, devastatingly, adorable.

“O-oh, hi!” You stammered. “You’re…”

“Jisung,” he finished for you. “Han Jisung.” He glanced at the empty seat in front of you. “May I…”

“Yeah, of course!” Your heart rate was steadily increasing, and you wanted to slap yourself. It’s just a blind date, y/n, stop getting your hopes up--

Your gaze fell on the hand he was still hiding behind his back as he slid into the booth. Noticing your stare, Jisung slowly and sheepishly pulled out a small bouquet of roses.They were an unusual colour -- a faint, peachy pink rather than the conventional ruby red. 

They were also falling apart, clusters of wrinkled petals dripping and blown askew from the wind and rain, no doubt. 

“They’re for you. I mean, I completely understand if you don’t want them, it’s just--I passed a florist’s on the way here, but it started raining, and--”

“I love them,” you blurted, and, seeing Jisung raise an eyebrow, you giggled. “I really do.” 

You gingerly took the misshapen bouquet from his hands, bringing the flowers to your face and breathing in softly. They smelled pleasantly of petrichor, and something else faint yet sweet.

Jisung watched you, a smile playing on his lips. “You’re -- really pretty.”

You felt the blood rush to your face, your tongue tying into knots and betraying you oncemore. “O-oh,” you squeaked, “th-thank you?”

He chuckled as the waitress came to take your orders for drinks and food.

As she left, Jisung’s gaze wandered around the vintage movie posters, records, and other retro paraphernalia that decorated the diner’s interior. “This place is something else.” 

“Right? Every time I come here, I think I’ve stepped into a movie. Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Dirty Dancing--” you blushed. “Sorry. I probably sound like a nerd.” 

Jisung turned back to you. “Don’t apologize. What’s your favourite kind of movie? Rom-coms?”

“Psychological thrillers, actually,” you admitted shyly. Good gosh, that intense stare in Han Jisung’s eyes was making your heart do somersaults in your chest. “But romcoms are not far behind.”

He hummed in approval, an odd glint in his eyes. “So you’re into psychology?”

“Well, I’m majoring in psychology, so I kind of have to be -- although it’s been pretty hard on me as of late.” You sighed, suddenly remembering the mountain of final assignments weighing on your shoulders.

Jisung leaned in closer, resting his chin on his hands. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“It’s just--my final project.They’re testing our ability to communicate with and analyze a patient,” you explained. “Kind of like a therapist simulation. We’re supposed to find someone and, like, apply psychological concepts by giving them mock counselling over the course of a few months. And by the end of it, we have to write a conclusive report on their mental state. I can’t find anyone who’s willing to be my patient, which honestly makes sense -- it’s such an invasive topic.”

Jisung was silent for a long moment, dark eyes unreadable. Finally, he sat up a little straighter, cocking his head to the side. “I could be your patient.”

You blinked, mouth falling open. “Wha--are you sure? I mean, you really don’t have to--and it might take up a lot of your time--”

“I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you,” he replied, eyes glinting, and your heart skipped a beat. 

“R-really?” You could already feel an incredulous, relieved smile spreading on your blushing face.

Jisung chuckled. “Just to see you smile like that, trust me -- I’d do anything.”

You were infinitely grateful that at that moment, the waitress arrived with your food. You weren’t sure your face could get any redder. You knew you were a hopeless romantic at heart, and had told yourself time and time again not to be swayed by sweet talk, but this was...different. There was something genuinely sweet in Jisung’s words -- he said them so honestly, with an almost childlike simplicity. 

You sipped your drink in a feeble attempt to regain composure. “My turn to ask the questions. What’s your favourite food?”

“Cheesecake,” Jisung replied instinctively. You watched him bite into his burger and giggled at the way his round eyes widened even more before he practically inhaled the rest.

“Favourite season?”

“Winter.”

“Least favourite colour?”

Jisung froze, a weighted silence falling over the table. He swallowed, hard, before replying quietly, “Red.”

When you peered at his face, you felt an icy chill trickle down your spine. His warm brown eyes had darkened and grown impossibly wide, and the colour had drained from his cheeks. Had you said something wrong? You looked down at your clothes -- a soft, oversized beige cardigan and light blue jeans.

“W-well, it’s a good thing I’m not wearing red, then, huh?”

“No.” Jisung shook his head slowly, and his shaky gaze met yours. You felt your mouth go dry at how lost his eyes seemed -- bottomless pools of pitch black. “No, I’m sure you would still look pretty in red.”

As if on cue, your cheeks turned a bright cherry hue.

Deciding to change the topic, you cleared your throat. “What about dogs? Do you like dogs?”

Almost as quickly as it had come, the dark look vanished from his face. “I love dogs!”

By the time the waitress brought the bill, Jisung had you in stitches over a joke he’d made, and you’d long forgotten about the whole ordeal.

The rain had stopped when you two stepped outside. Behind the knitted clouds, the sun was setting, its rays of light seeping through the stormy sky like veins in marble. Jisung’s features were painted a soft gold, warm eyes sparkling as he turned around to face you. His hair was a strange colour, you noted -- under the dim lights of the diner, it had appeared a light brown, but now that you were in the sunlight, it looked more blond. It had also been dripping wet, soaked from sweat or rain or both after running all the way to you, but it had dried off now, the ends curling in his eyes.

Maybe you’d had one dose of sugar too many in your drink, because you suddenly found yourself wanting to touch it. So you did just that, fingers reaching for the soft, fluffy golden locks and ruffling them playfully. Jisung’s eyes held yours the entire time, his gaze questioning. 

You huffed. “You’re cute, okay?”

He broke into a smile that made your heart flutter. “Okay.” 

Cheeks blazing at your own sudden boldness, you quickly pulled your hand away, fingers lightly grazing the side of his cheek before you stepped back. “I--I’m gonna get going now. Thanks for a great time!”

“Of course. See you next time?” Jisung winked, handing you the bouquet of peach roses.

“S-see you!” With that, you turned and practically ran across the street, heart still threatening to leap out of your chest as you fought the butterflies in your stomach and the smile sneaking onto your face.

Behind you, Jisung’s face darkened, smile slipping from his lips as you disappeared from his sight.

[theheroheart]

New Years Meme 2020

@arqueete:  “This survey is a meme that has been passed around among my friends since back in LJ days. If you want to join in, please consider yourself tagged.”

I used to journal more, and stuff like this is really nice to look back on, because I have terrible memory for life stuff or the passage of time. So here, for future me.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh wear a mask to the grocery store? This was not a groundbreaking year for new experiences.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. I don't make any. I mean, sometimes I make them in the vague "I want to focus on this in the future", but I'll already have forgotten by March, like I don't really PLAN my life in such a way. I just have goals that aren't tied to specific points in time. You get there when you get there, and you choose what you want to prioritise.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother got married, which was very exciting because he's 40 and has never had a girlfriend who he considered important enough for me to meet. (And my sister-in-law is delightful.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My (half-)brother's dad died a few weeks ago (cancer), but I didn't really know him, so I wouldn't say he was close to me. I did spend almost a week at my brother's place to be there for him though. And honestly, I kept thinking about how my mom's dead this year, because in a way I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this year together. She already died from respitory failure, had poor impulse control and sense of safety, and I would've been CONSTANTLY worried about her.

5. What countries did you visit? I was gonna go to Malaysia (for my brother's wedding celebration), but that didn't happen. (Flatmates were gonna go to Japan.) So. Yeah. Home country all the way.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? A driving force to move forward in my life?

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think... that there is one specific day? I guess the US election? Despite me being Norwegian, it's still fairly historic.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? /stares blankly at the wall I did do some nice art pieces? I coped? I managed to have good times and make friends despite everything else.

9. What was your biggest failure? I dropped out of two classes specifically because I couldn't do remote learning and self-structured study (BECAUSE ADHD YO), even though it wasn't even that HARD subjects, which was very frustrating. It hasn't set my study plan back, thankfully, but it still felt like a waste.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only mental. And thankfully not as bad as it could've been, but hell yeah there was some strong anxiety in there.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I've bought some great video games this year. Animal Crossing brought 250 hours of fun, Hades brought 100 hours so far. Good investments.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? // 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of these are related to pandemic behavior so I think you can guess.

14. Where did most of your money go? Entertainment? Also, god, I spent so much money on theatre tickets that are now just vouchers for non-specific future performances. I'll get my money's worth eventually, but right now it's hundres of dollars worth just sitting in vouchers. OH, and, digital D&D books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had tickets for Chess. Several tickets, for multiple performances. STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PRODUCTION THOUGH. But they're still doing it so hopefully it will still happen.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? Not sure I have any specific ones, actually. No iconic music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Last year I was feeling very accomplished. I was challenging myself, had befriended lots of classmates, had gotten through some stuff I was quite proud of managing. This year has been... not that. But on the other hand, I'm not as exhausted from school stuff, and I'm ready to actually go places and try to do things, as opposed to just wanting a month long nap.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? General life maintainance stuff. Not just school work, but like, focus more on money sensibility and try to get on disability, go to the dentist, work with my doctor more... All of that got a little bit just... postponed indefinitely.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Uh, can't think of any notable negative behaviour. It's mostly stuff I didn't do. Like, I had some bad anxiety in the spring, but honestly I think I did an appropriate amount of worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Had my first christmas with my flatmates (whom I love very much), and had my dad over as well. It was very lovely, and socially way less draining than usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? lmao I'm aromantic

23. How many one-night stands? lmao I'm asexual

24. What was your favorite TV program? There were a few this year! Good Omens, The Queen's Gambit, Julie and the Phantoms, Avenue 5. There were more I watched and enjoyed, but I think those stand out the most. Also, does Critical Role count? OH, The Baby Sitters Club! A lot of good stuff.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I don't hate a lot of people.

26. What was the best book you read? Don't think I read anything notable this year. Don't read a lot of books, I prefer to consume stories in other media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Julie and the Phantoms. Not because the music is astounding or anything, but it was very feel-good and fun. Don't think I had a lot of new music.

28. What did you want and get? D&D campaigns? Have gotten really invested in one of them in particular, it's delightful.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm. The only one that stands out was The Old Guard. I watch more series than films. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to get properly invested AND satisfied.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 and I don't know that I did anything special. I think I just chilled? Flatmates made me a nice breakfast!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the energy for essays/exams, probably. Just feeling like I actually had some accomplishments. OR LIKE. If Norway did like New Zealand and just wiped the virus out.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Pyjamas. Occasionally 'apocalypse chic'.

34. What kept you sane? My flatmates and my dad. Reliable social interaction with people I care about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Matthew McNulty, which applies to every single year. But this year I started both a gallery website and a discord server for him, so it was a particularly good year for him.  (Special mention to Paul Spera, who I finally talked to face-to-face, through Zoom, but still.) Also I'm using 'fancy' platonically.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Ha aha hah all of them, oh god. BLM, probably, though. That was when I still had the energy to get invested.

37. Who did you miss? So many people. Like, come on. I don't know that it was even specific people so much just... being in a group? Like, my choir gang?

38. Who was the best new person you met? Met a guy I ended up playing a LOT of board games with. We haven't really talked in a few months now tho. And there's a friend I didn't MEET this year, but I really connected with, who's also now my DM, which was really nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: It's not necessarily new knowledge, but this year has really driven home the need for both community solidarity and governmental support/leadership.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I'm alone in my apartment, that means I can do anything / I'm not wearing pants (alone in my apartment - Brian David Gilbert)

Summary: It's been a conflicted year, a lot has felt like it's been on stand-still, but there's still been some good things in there.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #429

“i’m just a bad luck charm to blame when things go wrong”

Are all-nighters something you have grown used to? God no. I have those SO rarely. I don't know how I used to do it. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I don't have sunglasses, and my driving permit has long since expired. Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? COLD, no. A tad chilly, very rarely. I have to be burning the hell up. What clothes are you most comfortable in? Men's pj pants and tank tops. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No, not anything. Have you ever unbuttoned someone else's pants? Yes. Are you good at painting nails? Nooooo. My hands are way too shaky. If it’s late at night and you’re hungry, what do you reach for? Usually a granola bar or piece of bread, lol. What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? I don't know. I don't really use any words I find wrong/offensive. Will you eat something if it falls on the ground? NOOOOOOOO SIR. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. I'm not a vegetable fan. Do you see the value in education? Of course I do. Are you more physically flexible or situationally flexible? bitch neither lmao Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? I don't have one now, but my mom knows of some things from the past. Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Yeah. I could try harder, but I do try. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. I wasn't an official resident, but I was essentially always there and just counted as a guest, I guess. Would you ever be a stripper? No way in hell. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? No. Do you think that you’ve ever actually been IN love with someone? I don't just "think" it, I know very goddamn well that I was. Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? No and no. Did you ever see the movie Good Burger when it came out? Not when it came out, but I've seen it and love it. How often do you clear your browser history? Never. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah man, gourmet shit. Do you consider yourself a burden to anyone? Why do you feel this way? I absolutely do. I'm just a leech at home. A financial burden to my parents since I'm unemployed. I have a lot wrong with me that my mom has to deal with. Who was the last person to carry you? Why were they carrying you? Probably Jason, realistically. I'm probably too heavy for anyone in my life to carry me now, and there hasn't ever really been a reason to besides him just being cute many years ago. Are you a clingy kind of person? If so, how has this affected your past relationships? I know I am. I'm lucky that I don't think it really affected any. I'm not OBSESSIVELY clingy at least, just moderately so. Have you ever witnessed someone drowning? Did you help in any way? Jesus, no. Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough for someone? Who in your life has made you feel that way? I absolutely have. No one like... intentionally made me feel like that, I just felt it due to my own self-doubt. The times I've felt that that I remember have been in my only two serious relationships, but not endlessly. I'd just do something stupid and feel like it for a while. Have you ever been at a party where the cops came due to complaints?No. What were you doing the last time you spent a night away from home (or wherever you regularly reside)? I was having a sleep study to determine whether or not I had sleep apnea. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In my bed. Do you feel as though you’re good at understanding/communicating with animals? Absolutely. Are photographs important to you? Do you like to take a lot of pictures? Not incredibly important, because nothing is quite like actually experiencing that moment, but I definitely like to have some of major events. I honestly don't take a lot of pictures documenting my own life, but rather like nature and stuff. And when people pay me to take family/couple/child photos for them. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The forest, for sure. So long as I had my camera. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Guess. -_- What was the last game you played? Was anyone else playing with you? Do you prefer to play games alone or with others? World of Warcraft. And well, it's an MMO, so you're playing with what, thousands of other people? I mostly do solo content though, but I do usually chat with guildies when I'm on because I'm close and comfortable with them. What is the longest distance you’ve walked in a day? Idk, but definitely far. Do you prefer homemade food or restaurant food? Restaurant, sadly. What was the last new food you tried? Ummm... I want to say sweet potatoes, back at Thanksgiving. I didn't hate them, but they were okay. What is your most recent regret? I dunno, probably something really minor like eating/drinking something unhealthy. What was the last unexpected thing to happen to you? How did you react? I guess that would be the sleep apnea diagnosis. At least, that was the last big one. I can't think of anything in-between. I was very shocked, even doubtful that the results were reliable. But given how my APAP mask has almost completely solved my nightmare issue, I think it's safe to say it's correct. Name your three closest friends. Sara, Girt, and uhhh... Sam. Do you get excited or annoyed when the phone rings? Annoyed, honestly, lol. Do you prefer writing poems or stories? I prefer writing RP, which is pretty much just gradually writing stories. What pisses you off more than anything? Probably rapists, specifically when children are the victims. It's just... so, so repulsive and unforgivable to me. Like I don't understand how a human being could possibly be so diabolical as to scar someone like that. What’s the appropriate age to have sex? I think you should be adults, honestly, given the risk of pregnancy. Not that I followed that, so I can't really talk, and I know most people don't either. When you're really in love with someone and have a sexual side, it's kinda... hard to avoid 'til you're 21. Is there anybody you’re really jealous of? It's so stupid, I'll probably always be so jealous of the girl Jason dated after me. Even though I know they're not even together anymore (well, last I heard a few years ago). Is pornography evil or are you neutral about it? Meh. I'm not into it, but I don't think it's necessarily evil. I personally don't get sex without emotional commitment, but you do you, so long as you are both consenting adults being safe about it. Do you prefer to be monogamous, or are you more a casual dater or swinger? I'm strictly monogamous. I'd be way too jealous to share a partner with someone, and then there's the heightened risk of STDs, too. Have you ever had a crush on more than one person at once? Do you now? Yes, but I don't now. Who is your favorite relative? Excluding my immediate family, Uncle Rob. He is so damn funny. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I know I would, realistically. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? No. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? It SUCKED while actually doing it, but I'm very satisfied having done around 20 minutes of cardio today at the gym. Cardio is something I 110% need in my life. Have you had any beer this week? I've never had beer. I hate the smell of it, and it's associated with memories of my dad as an alcoholic anyway. Could you cry right now? Nah, I'm in a good mood. If you could see one person right now, who would it be? I'd honestly love to hang with Sara again. Do you wear contacts? No, but I wish I did versus glasses, contacts are just WAY too tedious. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a dark teal. Song playing right now? Ha, I am STILL obsessed with Powerwolf's (but with Alissa White-Gluz's vocals) "Demons Are a Girl's Best Friend." Do you wear the seat belt in the car? Absolutely always. Please, please, wear your seat belt. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yes. There was a kid at dance who, from behind, thought I was his mother and he just ran up and hugged me from behind and I nearly had a heart attack. Do you like the color orange? Yeah; it reminds me of Halloween. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else? Not really entirely someone else, but a much better version of myself. What is the weather like today? It's hot as shit and pretty hazy. Do you want any piercings? UGH like you have no idea. Have you given anything up for Lent? No. You do what you want, but I honestly think it's a dumb concept. Would you rather go to a rock concert or a rap concert? Rock, for certain. Have you ever dated someone that was a different race than you? Yeah; Juan was Hispanic. How old is your best friend? She's 23. What does your favorite necklace look like? It's a spiked choker with some dangling chains. It's fuckin' hot. Are you keeping a secret from anyone? I don't like the wording here. I don't have anything I'm hiding from someone in particular, and nothing they need to know at all. I just have a few inconsequential secrets I just don't share with anyone. Would you take a million dollars if it meant you had to die a month later? Uh, no thank you. Do you keep any type of diary or journal? You could say surveys are like snippets of a diary of sorts for me. I share a lot and use them to vent and just jabber on about my thoughts and feelings without exactly burdening anyone with them. What was the last thing that made you really happy? I'VE LOST A POUND SO FAR AT THE GYM!!!! :') It's been just one week, I know, big whoop, but it means A LOT to me. Prior to this, the numbers had just been gradually creeping up and up... but not anymore! :D Can you remember what you dreamed about last night? Very vaguely? Or maybe that was the night before's dream... Have you ever gotten kicked out of a class for being disruptive? Definitely not. I was a well-behaved, quiet student. Have you ever injected a drug? Noooo. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot? I've never smoked. Last time you killed a bug? A while back when an ant walked over my laptop. Are you wearing perfume? What kind? No. The last male you spoke to… is he attractive? That would be my personal trainer, and yeah, he's very handsome.

[khadij-al-kubra]

Worst Impressions are the First (ch 6)

Main Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil (Human AU)

Pairings: Romantic LAMP

Words: 5518

Author’s Note: *Shuffles in, hijab haphazardly wrapped, wearing a fleece hoodie over rumpled pajamas, carrying a mug that reads “I write, what’s your superpower” and wearing one slipper.* Hey folks. So um. Yeah. I know it’s been, well, a LONG while. Apologies. I have no excuse other than this last semester of grad school and my part time gig kicked my ass, stole most of my free time, and possibly my left shoe. But I haven’t forgotten this fic or all of you incredibly wonderful and patient readers. And trust me when I say that I have made the wait worth it. Plus I’m on break now and already plotting out the next chapter, and I know exactly how I plan to progress with it, right down to the number of chapters left. Can I get a wahoo? *Yawns and takes a long drink of strongly brewed black tea* Once again, thank you SO much for your patience and love, and enjoy the lovelorn chaos from our favorite gays. ^_^ (also, if for some reason the tag link isn’t working for you, please let me know)

AO3

<=PREV

Chapter 6 - (POV Patton)

The fire in your eyes

Like a grave digger’s lantern

Your passion revives…me

“Gosh dang it, one syllable too many,” Patton muttered to himself over the notepad.

He felt a staccato of taps on his arm; a signal for when the world was silenced by Patton’s big headphones and Roman wanted to talk to him. He took them off, giving his soulmate his full attention. That was still so nice to say and put an actual face to. My soulmate.

“Problem, dear heart?” Roman asked from the seat next to him. The new term of endearment made Patton blush, but he loved it.

“Nah, just tweaking a new haiku,” he said. “I want it to be perfect for my muse.”

Now Roman was the one blushing. “Well I’m sure when it’s done it will be as wonderful as everything else that’s made by your hands.”

It had been barely two days since he and Roman discovered they were each other’s soulmates (or at least one of them), but since then they had spent every spare moment getting to know each other. From walking to classes together to spending free periods together, and Patton’s mother had even insisted on inviting Roman over for dinner just last night. When Roman had complimented the pasta Patton helped cook, saying he could taste the love poured into each noodle, his heart felt near to bursting. It was such a short amount of time getting to know each other, yet Patton felt as though he’d known Roman for eons all throughout past lives.

Who knew being with your soulmate could make you feel so alight inside?  

“Thank you for sneaking me your Tupperware of leftovers, Patton,” said Roman, covertly twirling his plastic fork into the spaghetti under their table.

“No problem, kiddo,” said Patton.

Technically they weren’t allowed food in the library during study hall except for water. Unless you had a blood sugar problem or something. Still, Patton was willing to break a tiny rule if it was for his soulmate’s well being. And maybe myself, he thought, sneaking bites from the napkin cookies on his lap.What? He’d had an Algebra test that morning. He earned a treat or two.

“Mom’s right, I do need to pack fuller lunches. I don’t know what’s up with my appetite lately. Least I’ve still got my figure.

“Maybe it s a puberty thiiiiiohmygosh it’s him.”

“Him who?”

“Look, but don’t look, over your shoulder.”

Roman sneakily looked over his shoulder and saw what Patton meant. It was Logan Berry, in all his brilliant glory, pulling out a book from the chemistry section. He looked lovely as always in a cream colored blouse, mint green skirt, and cherry blossom patterned neckerchief. The yellow gems of his bumblebee hair clip glittered under the ceiling light as it kept the ebony bangs out of his eyes.

Yet there was something off about Logan today. His face was neutral as always, but Patton noticed there was something slightly somber in his posture.

“Isn’t that supposed to be the school genius or something?” Roman asked.

“Debate club president,” Patton said wistfully.

“I’ve heard about his through tech club. He is really pretty! In a nerdy way.”

“Yeah, he sure is a lovely creature of nature.” Patton said with a sigh.

They must have been whispering louder than he realized, because suddenly Logan’s head was turned, and he was looking curiously at Patton. Oohhh gosh golly. He half hid behind his copy of Wuthering Heights.

“Patton my dear, you sound positively smitten.” Roman said, turning back around. “Not that I blame you really.”

Patton chuckled, unable to stop staring at his crush. “Guilty. Have been for awhile.”

“Say, you don’t suppose Logan could be one of our mysterious shared soulmates, maybe the one from yesterday, do you?”

“Maybe, but I don’t think we have the same lunch time as—Ohhh Lemony Snickett, he’s coming this way!”

“What? Here? Now? Does my hair look good?”

Patton considered himself to be pretty good at reading people on an emotional level, but Logan was usually like a tightly bound journal, difficult to look into. Except this time it was clear he did not look too happy with them. Before he could gage deeper as to why, Logan was at their table. Patton had never been this close to Logan before, never had the chance to make real mutual eye contact.

Logan’s stoic gaze went back and forth between them. His brave little Prince was mumbling Disney lyrics under his breath and clearly trying so hard not to clam up. Guess it’s up to me. Patton grasped for some sort of ice-breaker good enough for Logan. Something friendly, intelligent and totally not off-putting like he normally was.

“Umm…cookie?” Patton asked, holding up his cookie napkin in peacemaker offering.

“I don’t appreciate being stared at and spoken about behind my back.” Logan said sharply, staring pointedly at him.

“So that’s a no on the cookie.” Patton said, shrinking back.

“If you have something to say, you can express your mockeries to my face, because frankly I am in no mood for ignoring judgmental comments today.”

Ouch! Logan had never come across as the friendliest person ever, but Patton was definitely not expecting him to speak so coldly upon their fist meeting. And it hurt. Or it would have more so if Patton couldn’t tell from the look in Logan’s eyes that he was actually upset about something more than just people whispering.

“H-hey, don’t talk to my soulmate like that!” Roman said, voice cracking. He was loud enough to be shushed from another table. Yet for once, Roman didn’t duck his head down in shyness. “I-in fact, you shouldn’t talk to anymore like that, or make such harsh assumptions yourself, Mister Sub-Astute-Teacher.”

Logan turned to Roman. “I beg your pardon?”

“We weren’t gossiping about you, or whatever it is you think we were doing. If anything we were complimenting you. I mean- well yeah-yes! We were. But that was before you came at us so rudely with your negative assumptions. Just because you’re the debate club president or whatever doesn’t give you the right to talk to people like that.”

Wow. Patton had never had someone stand up for him like that before. And he’d never seen Roman be so, well, unabashedly vocal, even when people were watching. I am so proud!

Logan looked taken aback, ashamed even. “I-I apologize.”

“Yeah, you should, Blaise Pastel. And another...thing?” Roman cut himself off suddenly.

Patton was about to ask Roman what was wrong when he felt the tell tale tingle on his arm. He pulled up his sleeve and sure enough, another new soulthought was there, tattooed in navy blue ink: ‘Hm. Brontë. Excellent taste.’

“Patton,” Romans said, tapping him excitedly. “Look!”

On Roman’s arm in the same navy blue read: ‘Interesting sweater choice.’ They beamed at each other. There was no doubt about it.

Then Logan coughed, and when they turned to look at him, he too was holding out his arm on display. Beneath two purple and sky blue soulmarks, the latter of which Patton recognized as his own, were letters in bright red: ‘Nerd—Pretty—Pretty nerd.’

“Well. It would appear that we have much to discuss. May I?” Logan asked, gesturing to an empty chair at their table.

Patton checked wordlessly with Roman if he was okay with it. The drama techie nodded. “Please.”

Logan pulled out the chair across from them and smoothed out his skirt as he sat. “So. It seems that we are all ineffably bonded to one another, judging from the matching color palettes in our soul thoughts. And you both are...”

“We’re together,” said Roman, reaching for Patton’s hand on the table and lacing their fingers. “We found each other just two days ago.”

Something flashes across Logan’s face, but it was gone before Patton could read more into it. “That is...quite fortuitous.”

“And we’d love for you to be apart of this too.” Patton said. “That is, if you’d be comfortable with that. We wouldn’t dare bind your heart to ours, regardless of being soulmates, if it wasn’t something you also wanted.”

“Or if you ended up being a jerk.”

“Roman!”

“Well he—

“It’s quite alright, um, Patton was it?” Logan asked. Patton nodded yes. “Roman is within his right to feel how he does. I did not exactly make the best first impression.”

“You can say that again.” Roman muttered.

“Now Roman, you and I didn’t exactly get off on the right foot either. In fact it left a lot to be desired.” Pattona said.

“But he—

“Deserves just as much a chance as we did. He is our soulmate after all. Alright?”

“Yes, dear.”

A low chuckle from Logan caught them both off guard. The beautiful brainy boy was covering his mouth demurely. The sight of Logan, who’d always been so sharp and alabaster cold, so softened by just his laughter alone was breathtaking. It set moths fluttering about in Patton’s tummy.

“What’s so funny?” Roman asked, brows furrowed.

Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his Warby Parkers. Hey, we have the same glasses!

“Apologizes, I am not laughing at you,” Logan said. “It is merely that, well, for a moment there your bickering reminded me of my mothers. Which is quite remarkable given how, as you’ve said, you two have only known each other for two days.”

“Aw gee, it’s sweet of you to say that we remind you of your moms, Logan.” Patton said.

To think he and Roman already sounded like an old married couple. Sure it was all fast and new to him still, but he couldn’t help delighting at it. Would he get to share this same sort of bond with Logan? With his fourth unknown soulmate? He sure hoped so.

Still, he was so different from Roman. Even though Patton had been crushing on Logan fort ages, he seemed to have a much thicker wall. Could Patton ever be good enough to be invited in?

“So I take it from your reaction that you are not among the school’s percentage of ignoramuses that take offense to LGBT folk, such as myself and my mothers?” Logan asked.

“Pshh, puh-lease! I’m about as straight as this spaghetti,” said Roman, holding up a limp noodle hanging off his fork.

“You do know food is prohibited in the library.”

“And my brother Remus is a regular Ace of spades.” Roman continued, ignoring Logan. “Not that you’d ever guess it, with all the crude jokes he makes on his podcast.”

“Brother?” Patton and Logan asked.

“Trust me, the less you know about that internet troll the better.”

“As for me, said Patton, “well, just fry an egg on my head and call me pan.”

Roman nearly choked on his bite of food, cough laughing. Patton offered his bottle of water to him. Logan tilted his head to the side.

“Fry an—what? That isn’t—pan?” If there was a lightbulb over Logan’s head, it would have just clicked. “Oh good lord, was a that a pun comparing pansexuality to cookware?”

“Heh, guilty,” said Patton. “I’ve got ‘em by the dozens.”

Roman seemed to like Patton’s jokes, but Logan not so much. Patton had been trying real hard to make his jokes less dry and dark. Did Logan just not like puns, or did he not like him? Patton so wanted Logan to like him.

“Tawdry wordplay aside, I’m please to find that at least some of my soulmates are not ashamed to be themselves, unlike...”

Patton turns to Logan concerned, but he merely opened his book to a random page and pretended to read it. He was clearly holding something back, but Patton didn’t want to push him into talking. He already felt like on thin ice.

“Unlike who?” Roman asked. “Does it have to do with your soulmate?”

“You’ll have to be more specific,” said Logan, not looking up.

Roman rolled his eyes. “The one with the purple writing. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. Patton and I both have thought tattoos in the same color, and if you know who are third soulmate is, then don’t you think we have a right to know who they are as well?”

Logan closed the book. He looked at them for a moment, then sighed. “That is more than fair. Alright. It’s...”

He leaned in close to them, and in a low voice whispered a name that Patton was surprised to hear.

“VIRGIL!?” Roman shouted. Logan palmed his forehead.

A neighboring table shushed them and at least two students milling about the stacks gave them odd looks. Patton tugged his hat down and Roman slunk down bashfully. Baby steps, Roman. Baby steps. They probably would’ve gotten more than odd looks if not for Logan giving the more nosy students a steely glare.

“Would you kindly think before you open your infinitesimally loud mouth next time?” Logan asked.

He knows that word actually means really small, right? Patton thought.

“Well excuse me for being shocked that the Stormcloud of South Bay High is our mysterious soulmate.” Roman said, using his backstage voice. “I mean, look at us and look at him.”

“I have,” Logan said.

“And you’re still in one piece? After being alone with an unnerving ruffian like him?”

“FALSEHOOD!”

The sudden outburst startled Patton nearly out of his skin, and Roman actually fell out of his seat, spaghetti almost flying. The school librarian shushed Logan pointedly, and he apologized to her profusely, being luck enough to to get off with just a warning as her model library goer.

“He is not like that.”  Logan said. “Yes, he is among the athletic clique but he is by no means a brute. He is intelligent and sweet and...gentle.”

“It’s true Roman,” said Patton. “I haven’t talked to him much myself, but I sit behind him in English Lit., and he’s never been mean to anyone in class.”

Patton pictured the anxious kiddo in his mind. How fidgety he got, the way his back tensed when being called on even if he knew the answer, and especially the lost lonely look in his eyes.

“Actually, when he’s not huddled in with his buddies, Virgil’s even more awkward than you can be.”

“Augh!” Roman gasped offendedly. “Patton, you wound my pride. Wait, was that a compliment or?”

“Does that mean you’ve talked with Virgil then?” Patton asked Logan.

“Indeed. We officially met—coincidentally—on Wednesday, realized we are soulmates, and spent Study Hall yesterday getting to know one another. It was quite...enjoyable.”

Then something happened that Patton would’ve gone so far as to call a little miracle: he saw Logan smiling. It was small but softened his angular face oh so nicely. Seeing Logan’s smile was like watching a sunrise. If Patton hadn’t been in puppy love with Logan before he definitely was now.

Then the overcast came, and stone faced Logan was back. “That is until some of his neanderthal brethren in lettermen’s happened upon us, and Virgil revealed the coward he truly is; ashamed of himself and ashamed of me.”

The three of them went quiet, their snacks and studies long forgotten. The library clock ticked away, turning pages crinkled like autumn leaves, and somewhere somebody was not so sneakily smoking a joint. Of course his brave little Prince would be the first to break the silence.

“Sooo I take it that Virgil is deeper in the closet than Narnia,” said Roman.

“Precisely. And I refuse to belittle my self-worth by wasting my time on anyone who does not have the courage to be themselves, let alone be associated with me simply because I am not of the same socially constructed  high school status. I told him as much before leaving with my dignity intact.”

Patton tried to process this new information. It hurt his heart to hear the bitterness in Logan’s words, especially when he was so obviously trying to hide how hurt he really was. Yet even so...

“I understand where you’re coming from Logan, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But,” Patton bit his bottom lip, “Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh on Virgil?”

Logan raise a sharp eyebrow at him. “In what way am I being harsh?”

“Because, well, it’s not really your place to say when or how ‘out’ somebody should be. Even if he is your—our—soulmate.” Patton sat up straighter, blowing the curly bangs out of his eyes. “I mean, you probably came to this school already out of the closet, right? You’re used to to knowing how to handle yourself and others when they might talk bad about you. So it’s probably easier to feel like you’ve got the Pride high ground.”

“I...suppose I hadn’t considered it in that light.” said Logan. “Astute.”

“Yeah, top notch analysis there, Patton-cake,” said Roman.

“And yeah, we’ve got a modest little LGBT club and a small portion of the school has not so nice views of queer people,” Patton continued. “Which makes sense, I mean, this isn’t exactly New York. But you’ve gotta understand that Virgil is smack dab in the middle of that crowd. He probably feels like it might not be as safe for him to be out as it would be for someone like you; the debate club champ and smartest kid in school who’s also in good standing with the teachers. ...Or someone like me; the creepy emo kid that everyone treats like a ghost or is too scared of to bother with anyways.”

Lonely as it was, being invisible did have its advantages. Patton felt Roman wrap a deceptively strong arm around him, nothing but tenderness in his eyes. Well, not so invisible anymore. Patton smiled and leaned his head on Roman’s broad shoulder.

“Honestly, I see Patton’s point. Sure, I get teased by those guys all the time for being perceived as gay—not that they’re wrong—but people have picked on me for plenty of other reasons over the years.”

Roman paused for moment, using one hand to wipe his large glasses on his swirly patterned sweater vest.

“Look at me. I’m a scrawny, shy, Disney obsessed theater nerd, and not even one of the leading actor elites. I knew going in that I was bound for the bottom of the social food chain no matter what I did, so I figured, why not at least allow myself to be my full rainbow self, albeit quietly? Sure, I haven’t officially come out yet, but it’s not like I’d have much more to lose when I do. But Virgil? He has everything to lose.”

Logan sat back in his chair, mulling over their imput. Pattons was worried that he might have offended Logan somehow. He wasn’t storming away from their table, so that was a good sign. Maybe Patton should apologize anyways.

BRIIIING

Study hall was officially at an end. Students packed up their bags, and returned or checked out books. Meanwhile the librarian ushered any stragglers out so she could prepare the space for any Friday electives that would be taking place there.

“I have to get to class,” said Logan, gathering his things. “It was good meeting you both. You’ve given me much to think about. Perhaps we might converse again sometime?”

“No problem Specs. Where are you off to next?” Roman asked, closing up the Tupperware and hanging it back to Patton.

“Um, U.S. History,” said Logan, adjusting his glasses.

“With Mr. Terrence? Me too.” Roman grabbed his classic Mickey backpack. “Maybe we can, um, walk over there together? I mean, since we’re headed the same direction.”

“I have no objections with that.”

“Onward then. Farewell, Patton dear.”

“Bye Roman. Uh, Logan, I—“

Before Patton could say anything more, his two soulmates were on their way out. With a sigh he grabbed his writing journal, book, and backpack before heading out himself in the opposite direction for his last two classes of the day. He had English Lit with Miss Valerie next. And Virgil, he thought, pulling his headphones over his ears. It was high time he and Virgil spoke for real.

* * * * *

Patton watched the clock on the wall tick tock away the last few minutes of class He gripped his stretched sleeve end into a black and grey paw with one hand, and doodled furiously in his notebook margins with the other. Did I overstep my boundaries? Patton wondered for the hundredth time since the middle of class. In front of him, Virgil nervously bounced his knee and kept chewing on his cuticles, sending a twinge of guilt through Patton’s chest.

Halfway through class while Miss Valerie was writing out notes on the board, he had carefully tossed a folded note onto Virgil’s desk. Luckily he’d always been more of a thrower than a catcher. The anxious athlete saw the slip of paper, unfolded its contents, and went rigid. He’d cast a quick wide eyed glance over his shoulder at Patton before turning back to the front. Virgil hadn’t looked at him again since.

BRIIIING

“Alright class, that’s it for today. Don’t forget, your essays about the symbolic significance of the Moores in Brontë‘s novel are due next week,” said Miss Valerie.

While the rest of the class rushed to leave, he and Virgil lingered behind, packing their backpacks slower till the coast was clear. They stood up at the same time, Patton clutching his journal to his chest, and Virgil hunched awkwardly.

“Hey, is there some place we can’t talk? Privately?” Vigil asked, his voice gravelly.

“Mhm. Just uh, follow me.” Patton said.

They walked out the classroom and through the crowded hallways, Patton in the lead and Virgil following a foot behind. Murmurings of between bells chatter and tinny locker taps filled his ears. Two hallways later, Patton pulled Virgil round a courier and into the Nurses Office.

Flickering fluorescent ceiling lights cast shadows around the off-white walls. The only decorations were an anatomy poster, a poster of a cute bat dressed in a nurse’s cap, and the skeleton onesie clad teddy bear Nurse Talyn kept for students in emotional distress. Patton called him Mr Fluffybones. There were chairs, a sickbed, and a filing cabinet next to the supply closet. The office always smelled of rubbing alcohol, but it was clean, quiet, and most of all private. Talyn was a colleague of Emile’s so they let him stay in here on his bad days for as long as he needed to.

“Patton, it’s ten minutes till classtime.” Nurse Talyn said from their desk, their horn-rimmed glasses sliding down their nose. “Do you have a pass for another breather? Or is there something your friend needs help with?”

“No, nothing like that Talyn,” Patton said, smiling at the word ‘friend.’ “Virgil and I just needed someplace private to talk for a bit.”

“You know I’m not supposed to let students be in here unless they’re feeling unwell.”

“Pleeeese? We’ll head right to class afterwards. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Then, Patton unleashed his most secret of secret weapons, used for emergencies only and rarer than a red moon: the puppy Pat pout. When Talyn saw his pouty bottom lip and big eyes, their mouth went lemon tight. They only resisted for a few seconds before an audible groan told Patton he’d one this round.

“Ugh, fine! You get five minutes while I go restock my bandaid jar.” Talyn took a not even half empty jar with them as they went to the supply closet. “I blame Emile for teaching you that puppy dog pout. It should be illegal.”

“Thanks Nurse Talyn!” Works every time.

Patton turned around to where Virgil stood behind him, hands in the oversized letterman jacket and a crooked smirk on his face. If Patton didn’t know better, he would think Virgil looked almost impressed.

“We can talk privately now, don’t worry.” Patton said.

“Worry’s my middle name but, okay. So uh, about this.”

Virgil took a deep breath and pulled from one pocket a crumpled note. He unfurled is, words facing up: ‘I know you’re my soulmate. We all do. Can we talk?’

Standing in front of him now, seeing the dark bags under his wide eyes, Patton thought that Virgil looked so small and vulnerable. All shelled up in his too big jacked, clutching that paper between his shaking skinny fingers. He just wanted to hold the poor thing close and protect him from every nasty thing in this world. Instead he settled for smiling as warmly as possible, hoping to help Virgil feel more at ease.

“Just tell me first,” Virgil’s hands fidgeted. “By ‘we’ you mean my other soulmates and not, y’know, the whole school? I hope? Not that I think you’d out me or anything; you’re not like that. Not that I’d assume what you’re like, I jus—

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, kiddo.” Patton said, making his voice gentle. “I do mean our soulmates, and of course your secret is still safe with us.”

Upon hearing this though, Virgil’s whole body relaxed. “Heh, you really do say ‘kiddo.’ So how’d you find out?”

“Logan ran into Roman and me in the library earlier. We got to chatting and figured out the four of us are all soulmates.”

Virgil gave a low whistle. “I knew you guys were my soulmates but geez. All four of us? Fate must have a weird sense of humor.”

“Our gossamer spider-silk threads of fate are interwoven into one intricate home for our four hearts to feast upon entangled love.”

Patton mentally winced. Way to get weird and dark again Patton. Wait, he’s...smiling. Oh gosh, I really have a thing for nice smiles, don’t I?

“Wow Pat, that was...really lovely. And just the right amount of creepy. I dig it.”

Lovely? Me? Patton smiled, his freckled cheeks feeling warm all of a sudden. I knew you would be kind.

“I meant what I thought, by the way,” said Virgil. “You really do have gorgeous eyes.”

“And you really need to stop calling yourself an idiot,” said Patton.

Virgil chuckled, then looked down at his purple sneakers. “Did um...did Logan tell you about what happened?”

Patton rubbed his arm. “Yeah, he did.”

“So then you probably hate me, right? Argh, stupid question. Of course you do. Or at least Logan does. He probably thinks I’m just another stupid jerk athlete. Roman too. Not that I blame him after the number of times I’ve just stood by like an idiot and—

“I will physically fight you if you keep talking bad about yourself, Mister!”

The sharp outburst startled Virgil into shutting up. Patton didn’t often use his papa bear voice (as him mom called it) outside of the house or with anyone besides his younger cousin Elliot. But he couldn’t stand hearing Virgil talk that way about himself for another second. There was only room for one self deprecating soulmate in their group, and that was him.

“Logan doesn’t hate you Virgil. None of us do.” Patton said. “He’s upset still, sure, but never hate. And I told him that what he said to you was probably a little too harsh.”

Virgil’s head shot up. “You did?”

“Mhm. Of course his feelings were valid, but that couldn’t have been an easy situation for you either. Being in the closet is a pretty scary time, and the anxiety probably doesn’t help with it either.”

“H-how did you?”

“My godfather’s a therapist. Got pretty good at picking up on the signs from talking with him. Besides, you’re not the only one with a monster living between their ears.”

Patton rolled up his left sleeve, showing the tally marks of all the times he’d managed to come back out of the darkness and stand in the sunlight again. Virgil gave a quiet gasp, but Patton refused to turn away in shame from his soulmate, even if he did look at him with pity. When he met Virgil’s eyes however, they were filled with understanding.

In a bittersweet sort of way, it made Patton feel happy.

“I’m not saying you have to come out for us. Or go public, or do anything you’re not ready for yet. I just want you to know that we’re here for you when you are ready. And,” Patton held out his hand in offering, “you don’t have to go through this alone.”

He expected Virgil to take his handshake, maybe say thanks and offer to talk outside of school sometime. Maybe.

He did not expect Virgil to take his wrist in a gentle calloused grasp, turn his arm upward, bend down, and place a soft kiss on his scars.

It was sudden. It was impulsive. It was an act of pure reverence that set Patton’s pulse point thrumming faster than a hummingbirds heartbeat.

And judging from the look on his face, it shocked the hell out of Virgil just as much. He snatched his hand back as though his touch might burn Patton.

“I’m sorry! That was—I should’ve asked—-out of line. I—NGK!”

“Virgil, wait!”

Too late. Just as someone else was coming in, Virgil was running out the door, nearly knocking the other person over.

“WOah! Where’s the fire babe?” they asked.

Virgil paid him no mind. Didn’t even seem to hear him. Once again, Patton’s soulmate was gone before he could even try to make things right.

“Guess he’s got the runs or something. Ngh-ow. Forget it. Head hurts too much to care right now.”

The student who’d just come in was also wearing a letterman jacket, and their fingers hovered over a mean looking bruise near their temple. It took a second for Patton to recognize from the sunglasses who he was.

“You’re one of Virgil’s friends, Remy, right?” Patton asked.

Remy jumped, not realizing Patton was there. “His best friend, thank you very much. And who wants to knoOOHhhh I see. You’re one of his secret soulmates he won’t tell me about!”

Patton followed Remy’s eye line leading to his still uncovered arm. He quickly pulled his sleeve back down, blushing scarlet hot and hid behind his bangs. Remy chuckled.

“You know I gotta say, not at all what I pictured, but you are a cute little black kitten,” Remy said with a grin.

“Do you know where Virgil might’ve run off to? I want to go after him, but I need to get to class soon. Oh, it was all going so well, but maybe he thought he crossed a line and I’d be upset, but I’m not! He looked just short of a panic attack and I just...is he going to be okay?” Patton could’ve cried he was so worried.

Remy gave him a long unreadable once over, then sighed. “Look, if I know Virgil—and I do—then he’s either gone to the gym to blow off some steam, or holed himself up somewhere private where he can calm down. He doesn’t like people seeing his anxiety get the better of him if he can help it. Say it makes people uncomfortable.”

“Mental health isn’t anything to be embarrassed by, or of.”

Patton must have passed some sort of test, because Remy finally gave him a genuine smile of approval and lifted his sunglasses atop his head.

“Totes babe. Look, right now I gotta see a nurse about this goose egg hatching on my head, but I’ll try to look for him after. Kay? Ow!”

Patton signed. “Thank you Remy.”

“You still here, Patton?” Nurse Talyn called, coming out from the supply closet with an armload of bandaid boxes, a bad of cotton swabs, and a now full jar. “The second bell is about to ring. You need to get—“

They looked around the room, spotted Remy, and dropped their arms. Their face fell flat, along with the rest of the things they’d been carrying. Good thing that jar was plastic.

“Remy Dormier, did you fall asleep and hit your head in the hallway again?” Nurse Talyn asked, looking just about done with everything.

“Nope. Track field. Bottom bleacher,” said Remy, wincing and he touched the spot.

“That is the FOURTH time this week! That’s it.” They pulled out a crushable ice pack from their desk drawer and handed it to Remy. “You, on the bed while I call your parents. We have GOT to get a script from your Doctor for this obvious narcolepsy problem of yours. Patton, get to class. Go on, shoo!”

Not wanting to endure the tiny wrath of Talyn in full nurse mode, Patton left. Not before getting a wink from Remy that did little to lift his spirits. He speed walked to his last class of the day, but home economics was the last thing on his mind. He could still feel the kiss from before like a memory on his skin.

I hope he’ll be okay.

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[thelovecore]

Senior Trip [Peter Parker]

Peter Parker x plus size fem reader

Warnings: Anxiety, flying anxiety, body image issues

I just watched Far From Home (I know, super behind in the times…) but I got super inspired to do some Peter Parker writing! Sorry I’ve been gone for a while, I had some bad writer’s block. 

Requests are still open!!

ALSO, let me know if I should do a sequel to this (because I totally will!)

Masterlist

Part 2

-----------------------------

I had become friends with Peter and Ned shortly after their gallivant across Europe, when Ned met Betty and Peter finally got the guts to talk to MJ. Ned and I were playing the same game in study hall one day, and we got to talking. He introduced me to Peter, who I instantly felt something for. But seeing him pine over MJ quickly squashed any and all hope I had. I became a regular face in the group,  even though I was an obvious fifth wheel, I didn’t care. I felt like I had true friends for once, something I had struggled with since I was young.

The only reason I was accepted into the same school as Ned and Peter was my love for biology. I wanted to study the animals of the world, work for scientific journals, and travel to study them. I wanted to help them and help the planet. I worked so hard to keep up at school that social hour was far from my specialty, so when Ned, Peter, MJ, and Betty came into my life, I was eternally grateful. It also didn’t help that in a school mostly made up of beautiful young people, I was bigger than your average teenage girl. I couldn’t hold a candle to MJ, with how thin and pretty she was. Betty had those sparkling eyes and perfect hair. I was blatantly the designated ugly fat friend, and that’s all I’d ever be.

We were approaching graduation, and I had a few acceptance letters from New York area colleges, all known for biology and animal study internships. I walked into lunch the day after getting my last one, and I only had lunch with Peter and Ned, so I threw them down in front of them and smiled slightly.

“You guys have to help me pick which one.” I said, sitting down. I refused to eat lunch in front of Peter. Lately, he and MJ were growing distant, and I wasn’t sure why. I tried not to butt into things that aren’t my business, and Peter knew my door was always open if he needed me.

“Not now.” Ned mumbled. I looked over at Peter, who was absentmindedly playing with his fork in his lunch. His eyes were slightly pink and puffy, and I knew something was wrong. I scooped up the letters and quickly threw them back into my bag.

“Sorry.” I quickly said, pulling out my latest book and reading it. “Uh...Ned, do you and Betty have a senior trip planned?”

“Yeah, we’re headed to Florida for a long weekend in a few weeks. We were supposed to go with Pete and MJ...but...” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “MJ got accepted to schools in California. And Peter got a job working for Stark Industries through his internship so…that’s why he’s out of it.” My face dropped into a frown knowing Peter was going to have to make that heartbreaking decision. It was like my heart broke with his, knowing my friends were sad absolutely crushed me. I looked down and played with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

“Oh man.” I whispered. “That sucks.”

“Yeah. It does.” Peter mumbled. Ned had obviously not whispered quietly enough.

“If you need anything, Peter, please let me know.” I said, trying to smile at him. He looked up at me and then back to his mashed potatoes.

“Thanks.” He said, barely audible over the commotion of the lunch room. I looked at Ned who gave me a sad shrug. I pulled out a book and stared at it, all the while thinking of ways to subtly cheer Peter up. I felt his sadness crawl across the table, reach for me, and latch onto my body. I couldn’t imagine finally getting up the nerve to talk to someone you’ve liked for a while, only for them to run across the country within a few months. I didn’t even want to ask about working it out long distance, because I’m sure Peter had thought of that.

“Do you have a senior trip planned?” Ned tore me away from my book at the question. My eyes darted from him to Peter before I answered. Peter was unmoved.

“Nah. I can’t really afford one. I was just going to get a summer job and save up for...” I looked over at Peter, who was now looking down at his shoes. I didn’t want to mention college and make things worse.

“Why don’t you come with Betty and I to Florida? We have two extra tickets from...” Ned looked at Peter, and I could only assume Peter and MJ were supposed to go with them.

“Ned, I couldn’t possibly. I’d have no way to pay you back.” I said. Ned shrugged.

“My gram paid for the tickets for the plane as a graduation gift. The beach house belongs to my uncle. I didn’t pay for anything either.”

“Uh...well, let me ask my parents. I could probably go, I don’t see why not.”

Graduation came and went, and soon enough I was packing to head to Florida with Betty and Ned. My hands shook as I packed the last few things, realizing for the first time, Ned and Betty were going to see me in shorts and hot weather clothes. I couldn’t handle that. I immediately thought of calling Ned and backing out, but part of me did want to go. We would be staying at a beach house in the Florida Keys, and I probably wouldn’t get the opportunity to do this again. I zipped up my suitcase and my dad  drove me to the airport.

I met Ned and Betty at the front door, they both waved and smiled as I walked in.

“This is going to be such a relaxing trip.” Betty sighed, leaning onto Ned’s shoulder. I quickly felt regret surge through my veins. I was intruding on a trip that could have been just the two of them. I could tell them I was sick and wouldn’t want to ruin the trip, I could let them have a long weekend to themselves. My palms began to sweat holding my suitcase, and as I turned to look for a way out, I was met with a familiar face.

“Peter! You took long enough.” Ned shouted, waving to him as he walked through the door. I quickly turned to look at Betty, who shrugged.

“He decided last minute that he wanted to come, to take his mind off of MJ.” She whispered quickly before Peter came over. I smiled at Peter as he joined the group and we headed off to catch our flight.

“We have these four seats here.” Ned gestured to the two rows. Instantly he and Betty took the first row of seats and Peter and I took the second row.

“Do you like the window?” Peter asked. I quickly shook my head and kicked my purse under the seat in front of me.

“No way.” I said.

“Are...are you scared of flying?” He asked softly. I looked over at him, running my hand through my hair before answering with a nod. “It’ll be okay.”

“Mhmm.” I nodded before putting my head back against the seat and closing my eyes. We began to take off and I held my breath the whole time until we were steadily in the air. I hated flying. I didn’t do it often, so I hated every bump and every dip. We were halfway through our flight when I heard the captain’s voice over the intercom.

“We’re going to be experiencing some pretty rough turbulence, so everyone must stay in their seat until I turn the seat belt sign off.”

I felt the color drain from my face. I was about to die, my brain was convinced of it. I gripped my right armrest tightly, afraid to grab the left in case Peter needed it. We began to bump and shake in the turbulence and I shut my eyes tightly and tried to control my breathing, but I couldn’t help the tear that slipped out of my eye first.

“Hey...hey...” I heard Peter whispering. I opened my eyes and looked over. Peter was softly smiling until he saw how scared I was. He held up a headphone splitter and his phone. “Do you want to watch a movie with me?”

I nodded and pulled my headphones out of my purse. Peter plugged them in and just as he hit play, the plane dropped a little and I audibly gasped and grabbed both armrests. My heart was pounding and my brain was fearing the worst.

“It’s okay.” Peter said, putting his hand on top of mine on the armrest. I sighed out and looked over at him, nodding slightly.

“I hate flying.” I whispered.

“I can tell.” Peter said, rubbing his thumb over my hand. “But you’re going to be okay.”

We landed and got to our beach house with no problems. We walked through the beach house, ogling at the views and how we could see the beach from the kitchen.

“So...uh...there’s a bit of a problem.” Betty grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Peter and Ned, who were checking out the TV. “There’s only two bedrooms.”

“Uh huh...” I said slowly. “Why?”

“Well we thought it would be Peter and MJ...” She started, which shattered my heart. In our brief moment on the flight where Peter comforted me, I forgot he was still in love with MJ.

“I’ll take the couch downstairs.” I said, pulling my bag towards the stairs. “It’s fine. Let Peter have the bedroom.”

“What’s that?” Ned said, walking over and putting his arm around Betty. “Are we picking rooms? Because I want the one with the stuffed swordfish above the bed.”

“Uh well, I was just telling Betty I’ll take the couch downstairs, and then Peter can take the bedroom.” I said, picking up my bag.

“No, that’s okay, I can go downstairs.” Peter said.

“No Peter. I’m the one that’s not even supposed to be on this trip. I’ll take the couch.” I said. He frowned and nodded. I instantly felt a pang of guilt in my chest for making him think of MJ.

“Well, let’s all get changed and go to the beach!” Betty said, breaking the tension. They all scattered as I took my bag into the basement, which was still warm and totally furnished, so it felt like a bedroom. I opened my bag and instantly felt my heart speed up. I wasn’t meant to be on this trip. They were going to be so grossed out when they saw me in shorts and a tank top. They wouldn’t talk to me after this trip.

I couldn’t go to the beach. It wasn’t going to happen.

“Hey, you ready?” I heard Betty call from the top of the stairs.

“Uh...you guys...get going without me...I’m really tired from the plane. I’m going to take a quick nap and then I’ll meet you there?” I said, trying to sound convincing, and not just an anxious disaster.

“Are you sure?” She called, walking down a few steps. She looked at me, huddled up next to my suitcase, and I could tell she knew. “Are you okay?”

“I uh...yeah, I’m still just stressed from flying. It took a lot out of me.” I said, looking down into my lap.

“If you change your mind, text me, okay?” She said, a sympathetic smile on her lips. “I’ll let you know where we are.”

-Betty’s POV-

“Alright guys, she’s going to meet us there. She’s really tired.” I said, shutting the door to the basement.

“What? We just got here?” Ned said. I shot him a look to let it go, but he couldn’t pick up on it. “There’s no way she can be tired!”

“Well, she is. The flight really took it out of her.” I said, still trying to get my point across to Ned with a poisonous glare.

“She was really stressed during the flight.” Peter chimed in. Ned shrugged and threw a towel over his shoulder.

“Alright, let’s go then.”

We were at the beach for about an hour when I noticed Peter was a little off. He was playing in the sand, while Ned was swimming in the warm ocean. I walked over and sat down next to Peter.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Are you still upset about MJ?”

“Kind of.” He said, throwing a handful of sand at the ground.

“There’s lots of girls in New York, Peter. I know you really, really like MJ. But it just isn’t meant to be.”  I said. He sighed loudly and nodded.

“I know.” He said. “Hey, I know I was a last minute decision on the trip, but did Y/n say why she wanted to come?”

“Well, I know she’s never been to Florida before, and she really wants to spend time with us before we all go to college.” I said, kicking some sand away from my foot. Peter nodded again and looked over at me.

“You know she told me how lonely she used to get before us? How Flash and his crew picked on her to the point where she wanted to give up going to school with us just to get away from him?” Peter said.

“Yeah. She’s mentioned it to me before.” I said.

“I...I’m going to go back and check on her.” Peter said, standing up and grabbing his towel.

I smiled. Ned’s plan to get Peter’s mind off of MJ was working after all.

-Reader’s POV

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand as I stood by the window, still dressed in my New York clothes and still too afraid to put anything else on. I let out another loud sob as it hit me how much I shouldn’t be here. I pulled out my phone and looked up flights back to New York, but they were all sold out. I sat on the couch and cried, looking out over the beach, at all of the beautiful people having fun.

“Y/n?” I heard a whisper and I jumped out of my skin and turned to see Peter standing in the doorway, shirtless with a towel in his hand. He saw that I had been crying and walked over to the couch with me.

“What’s wrong?” He said, furrowing his brow at me.

“I...I...I shouldn’t be here, Peter.” I said, finally breaking down and deciding to open up to Peter.

“What are you talking about?” He asked quietly, putting his hand on my arm. I shuddered at his touch, feeling like he was just pitying me, like everyone else.

“I don’t look like any of the people that are here. I’m not as pretty as those women on the beach, or Betty, or MJ.” I didn’t mean to let the last part slip out. I saw a flash of hurt in Peter’s eyes as I mentioned MJ, and I felt worse then I already did.

“Hey, hey, you don’t have to look like any of those girls, or Betty, or anyone else for that matter.” Peter said. “You’re great the way you are.”

“Oh Peter, you act like I haven’t heard that one before.” I said, the ugly part of my anxiety rearing it’s head. “I know what I look like. I know that I’m destined to be alone and I know my place. I shouldn’t be here. I was a mooch that tagged along hoping for something in my life to change, but it won’t.”

“Y/n...I had no idea you felt this way about yourself...” Peter looked down. “It’s...it’s...”

“It’s true.” I said. “I know you guys only let me extra wheel because you feel sorry for me.”

“I was going to say it’s heartbreaking.” Peter croaked, his eyes misty with tears. “To hear that one of my best friends won’t even go outside because she’s so afraid that the world will judge her for her looks and not even consider how good of a person she is. Not even considering that she has a heart of gold that has listened to all of my problems since I came back from Europe with another girl on my arm, and since that girl left me, she has been so supportive and open. The love for her friends is enough to fill an ocean, but she’s afraid of going to the ocean because this world and society have hurt her so much.”

“Peter...” I said. “Please don’t let me ruin your trip.”

“My trip depends on my friends having a good time. All of my friends.” He said, and without thinking, he pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed deeply at his touch, feeling the unfortunate feeling of butterflies in my stomach.

“I want you to know something.” He whispered, rubbing my back. “In the months since MJ...since she said we couldn’t do it...I, I’ve needed you. You were a ray of sunshine in my darkest days. You pulled me from what I thought was a drowning point. I thought I was lost after MJ shot me down, and you threw down a rope and I climbed out of my hopeless pit. I...I think you’re beautiful.”

I pulled away from him and looked his face up and down. I searched for a hint of a lie, but all I found was sincerity.

“You...You’re not just saying that?” I choked out. “Because I sure as hell don’t see any of that.”

“I really, really mean what I said. Can...can I show you? I saw this restaurant right next to the beach on my way back. Will you let me take you to dinner tonight? We can get something to eat and watch the sunset.” He said.

“I...yeah, sure.” I said, slightly smiling.

----------------------

Let me know if I should write a Part 2!!