#which can be cute depending on context! but consent and respecting boundaries are the most important cornerstones in relationships

[ask-obt]

Dielle would you kiss rune on forehead when she sleeps if you cloud get away unnotice

Dielle: Oh... um, no... You shouldn't touch anybody's body in an intimate way without them knowing! Especially considering Rune already seems on edge about what happens to her while she's unconscious...

[lovenotesuggestions]

This is going to be a bit NSFW, I hope that's okay..?;;;; So, I'm a bi girl currently in a m/f relationship, it's my first one. We're in a LDR and met up for the first time last month (he lives in the US and I live in Europe, which makes it extremely hard for us to see each other). For context, I've been more comfortable around him than anyone else in my life before. He's also the first person I felt sexually attracted to, despite me having a pretty high sex drive. [1/5]

We've been talking about really intimate NSFW stuff that we wanted to do before we met up and I was really looking forward to it, to be able to be physically sexual together. However, I've been frustrated about it before, because while he claims to have a really high sex drive himself, he does not really engage much in sexual activities with me over distance. We've talked about it before and how he'd rather want to do stuff like that irl. But then we sometimes come back to talking about [2/?]

all the nasty stuff that we'd wanna do (lmao I'm so sorry) and it leaves me kinda confused/irritated and a little disappointed as well. So, fast forward to when we met up. We got comfortable around each other extremely fast and actually tried to have sex. Emphasis on tried. As I'm still a virgin it hurt like hell, despite me being relaxed (at least I think so, I'm no expert at this dhjsgda but we really tried a LOT but nothing ended up working out). We still did A LOT of other nasty stuff [3/5]

which made me really happy (of course he didn't come here just for us to be nasty btw, we went on a ton of cute dates and I was super happy!!!). But.. I feel extremely guilty of not being able to have sex and it... hurts a lot to think about (I'm currently looking for solutions on this but that's besides the point). Since he went back home we haven't done anything of that kind, which made my frustration/irritation/confusion even worse. He says he hasn't really felt any drive to engage [4/5]

(I’m sorry I think Tumblr ate part 5!! if it changes what you were asking, please feel free to resend it and I’ll answer that too)

Please don’t beat yourself up for not being able to have sex - sometimes that’s just how it goes, and it’s worth speaking to your doctor about it because it’s not supposed to be painful, especially if you were relaxed and did plenty of foreplay and stuff like that - it could be a sign of some underlying issue. It doesn’t make you inferior as a partner or anything like that, bodies sometimes just have their own ideas about these things. It’s not your fault. 

As for him not being interested in doing sexy stuff over the long distance, I guess that’s something you need to keep talking to him about to see if you can find some kind of compromise that you’re both comfortable with. With it being such a large distance and it being so difficult to visit one another, if he’s not happy with doing stuff over long distance then that would mean the pair of you basically won’t have a sex life outside of visits, so it depends if both of you are okay with that. Obviously in a situation like this, it’s okay to have boundaries and have things you both aren’t comfortable with, and it’s really important to respect those boundaries, but it’s also obviously important for both of you to have a sexual relationship as part of your relationship, and that’s okay too. It’s just about keeping channels of communication open and honest until you find something that works for both of you, and that might mean trying to encourage him to speak his mind. I didn’t get ask number 5 but I’m guessing from context that he’s not been so into doing stuff since you were together in person, and establishing why that might be and how it’s affecting both of you is the first step to overcoming that. People go through peaks and troughs in their sex drive, and that’s a totally normal thing, but if it’s coincided directly with this visit, I’m guessing there’s some kind of reason behind it, like maybe he’s worried about hurting you or something. Communication is always the most important thing in a relationship, especially a sexual relationship, and it sounds like you’re already having those conversations which is great, but they aren’t quite having the outcome that either of you want. This FAQ post about communication might help you to make those conversations more productive. 

I’m sorry there’s not more that I can say to help in this situation - things like sexual relationships are tricky because whilst it’s okay to want what you want, the most important thing is to make sure boundaries and consent are respected 100% with no pressuring, so it’s a topic that has to be approached carefully. It might just be that he’s simply not comfortable doing long distance stuff and there’s no compromise that doesn’t cross his boundaries, and there’s not really a lot you can do about that. Right now, the best thing is just to be open and listen to each other, and try and work together to find something that suits both of you. 

I hope things improve for you soon and you find a way to work this out 💖