#which I've removed because it's extremely unlikely

[wonder-worker]

"The white rose was [strongly] associated with the Virgin. It should therefore be acknowledged that one of the motivations behind the emblem being adopted by the house of York, and promulgated by Edward IV alongside the sun device, was its religious resonance. The Virgin was a favoured saint of many royals, not least due to her association with fertility, birth and nurturing lineage, and Marian references can be found in political images and narratives of the fifteenth century. Alongside St Anne, the Virgin was a focus of Yorkist religious devotion. Both Edward IV and his mother Cecily, duchess of York (d. 1495), committed their souls to the Virgin in their respective wills, and images of the saint were depicted in the north clerestory windows in the Yorkist mausoleum at Fotheringhay [...] Edward further demonstrated his favouritism by making the Virgin the joint patron saint of the Order of the Garter in 1469."

-Matthew Ward, The Livery Collar in Late Medieval England and Wales: Politics, Identity and Affinity

[synthaphone]

Allowing myself to go on a tangent about the nearly 26 year old virtual pet website that i am way too invested in.

So today they released the Candy Pteri. While I appreciate what they were trying to do here with it effectively having two designs that you get to choose between (The "Melted Candy Pteri" on the left is a Paint Brush wearable that can be removed to reveal the customizable base pet on the right), I think in this case, they have created two extremely boring designs when they could have easily created one strong design, or hell, even two strong designs if they wanted to do extra work.

Because with this release, we get a base Candy Pteri with no real lineart changes (like the rounded hair tufts and spines on the Candy Zafara), and an alternate design that's just... a drawing of a Marshmallow Peep™???

I would have WAY preferred a base Pteri where they did something like give it a little marshmallow dollop shape on its head and in place of the tail tuft, like my friend @darieyrie suggested. Or they could give it the Peep dot eyes and more rounded features! There's all kinds of ways you could do this concept.

I'd be less frustrated if the Peep wearable had any Pteri traits whatsoever, but its JUST a Peep that's been slightly microwaved. Which is a little funny, but even more than the Toy Poogle is just an iDog, the Candy Pteri does not have any deviation from its base inspiration at all. It's not actually an execution of the concept of "Candy Pteri thats based on a Peep" if there's no Pteri left at all!

(also are they just banking on the Just Born corporation (who make Peeps) never taking any action on this? it kind of goes beyond 'cheeky reference', its EXACTLY their product. I mean, it seems unlikely that they'll notice or bother doing anything if they do, but i don't really know why you'd risk that.) The saving graces of this design, imo, are that the pink and cream color scheme of the base pet IS pleasant (though the lineart and shading treatment aren't really my bag), and some people will enjoy the novelty of having a pet Marshmallow Peep™.

But really this is just the latest of a number of recent outfit and color releases that feel like they don't think people want Neopets. Like. This cardinal outfit that they also released today.

I love the idea of a cardinal Pteri! But this outfit literally takes away every distinguishing trait of the Pteri to make a high effort, nicely rendered, but stylistically incongruous generic cartoon cardinal????? Its not even a Neopet anymore!!! Even if I set aside my personal dislike of the overly rendered style they're using for more and more of the site assets, this wouldn't work with most of the rendering removed either, because it would still be a Pteri in pose and proportions only.

Not every new design and outfit that's come out in the past couple years has these issues and there have been a number I've really liked, and I DO think its great that the quality of the art has improved since the JumpStart era. But I would really appreciate it if the new pet colors in particular were designed a little more thoughtfully, so that they at bare minimum still resemble the species they're supposed to be outside of the rough pose and proportions. It sometimes feels like there isn't a rough draft or workshopping progress for new colors, and the members of the art team just kind of do their own thing and then the very first draft of an idea is what gets polished and released.

The current art direction for the customization aspects of the site just has me feeling like they've decided to throw out years of relatively cohesive art and world design for a strange jumble of ideas that don't really capture the appeal or feeling of Neopets to me.

[longsufferingcritic]

The Light Fury: A Needlessly Thorough Character Design Analysis

Let me start by admitting I'd actually quite like the Light Fury's design if only it were completely removed from the context of HTTYD. If I saw the piece of concept art below in a freelance artist's portfolio, I'd think it's wonderful; same with a lot of the fanart I've seen. And for the record, I also have a soft spot for SilkWings from the Wings of Fire series and Skydancers from Flight Rising, so it's not like I expect every dragon design to be spiky and ferocious-looking.

But in the HTTYD films specifically, dragons being spiky and ferocious-looking is consistently a key part of the art direction, so the Light Fury looks extremely out of place compared to literally all the other dragons. Toothless was always somewhat sleeker and more mammal-ish than the other dragon species, true, but not to such a jarring extent. Unlike the rest of her kind (Toothless included), the Light Fury has completely smooth skin with no textured scales or spikes; all her features (even her teeth!) are completely rounded with no pointy or rough edges; her wings are shaped more like a seabird's than a bat's; her tail fins are distinctly heart-shaped; and she literally has pink glitter on her hide, for fuck's sake. Juxtaposed to the films' art style for every other dragon species, she sticks out like a sore thumb, hardly even resembling a dragon at all -- more like an alien invader from Planet Gender Roles.

…Yeah, about that. In the art book the filmmakers explicitly stated that they didn't want her to look reptilian like other dragons, because she's a feeeeemaaaaale and therefore has to look like one. Never mind the fact that the other female dragons in the films like Stormfly and Meatlug have never had that issue.

So let me be blunt: the Light Fury's visual design is misogynistic. She is designed with the sole purpose of being "feminine" and "pretty" as a male character's love interest, and on top of defying the films' art direction just to make her more conventionally beautiful, her design checks off the majority of the clichés used to impose human gender stereotypes onto animated female animals: lighter color, blue eyes, heavily rounded features, smaller paws/claws and nose/snout, less cartoony exaggeration, and an inexplicable smoothness in the way she is drawn/rendered. (Once you're consciously aware of those clichés, you'll start noticing them in nearly every animated animal film, so HTTYD is far from unique in that regard… but that just makes this widespread pattern in Hollywood all the more concerning.)

All these design choices are also counterproductive to her supposed narrative purpose of being the "wild and untamed" foil to the "domesticated" Toothless -- if that's the case, shouldn't she look more reptilian and ferocious, not less? Many of her traits like big blue eyes and a short rounded snout are actually associated with domestication, so shouldn't she resemble a wild animal instead? Nah, gender roles are clearly the priority here.

And no, despite the popular fan theories, the filmmakers have never confirmed or even hinted that the Light Fury is aquatic or based off belugas. The head of character animation has stated that the design was largely inspired by snow leopards as a contrast to Toothless having been inspired by black panthers; this is more evident in a piece of early concept art which depicts her as pale gray with a dappled pattern, but she ultimately ended up being pure iridescent white, very far removed from the most recognizable features of snow leopards. Reportedly this was because leopard spots look too much like scars, and scars are obviously unbecoming of a giiiiirl dragon… you can't make this shit up!

Axolotls were also cited as an influence, which would explain the smooth skin and unbroken dorsal sail, but the extreme smoothness still grossly clashes with the rest of the films' dragon designs and her own supposed personality so I don't think that actually justifies it. It's also worth noting that axolotl features are much more apparent in the below piece of concept art, with gill-like head appendages and cleft wings to match, but those didn't make it into the final design either, because I guess anything even slightly pointy-looking isn't "female" enough. (Terns were the final cited inspiration, which purportedly explains why her wings couldn't have a batty shape like literally every other dragon in the films.)

As I've said before, if they just wanted to have the black/white contrast for the night/day yin/yang motif (which isn't necessarily a bad idea on its own) the least they could do is still make the Light Fury look properly dragon-like even with white scales. There have been tons of fanmade drawings and edits of what that might look like, as well as examples of well-designed white dragons both in the films themselves (Valka's Bewilderbeast) and other media (Queen Snowfall my beloved).

So why does this all matter? Is a crappy design really that important? I'd argue yes, because despite many fans looking at the franchise through rose-tinted glasses, HTTYD has never treated its female characters particularly well, and the Light Fury is the most obvious/egregious culmination of that. In addition to the sexist tropes in her visual design, she exists for the sole purpose of being Toothless's beautiful love interest and "call of the wild" to separate him from his human best friend, with no depth to her character -- "Why is she so wild/aggressive to humans?" and "How has Grimmel's cruelty affected her?" are just two examples of basic character development points the film is uninterested in exploring -- and almost no screen time to herself. She doesn't even get a canon name, supposedly because she's just so wild, but all three of her children get names despite being equally wild so that's just a cop-out. (And even if she would never live with humans, Berkians could have still referred to her by a nickname, since real wild animals are often nicknamed by the locals who see them or the zoologists who study them -- shoutout to my favorite California Condor, 1099 "Yarrow".)

This is all part of widespread misogynistic patterns in fiction: animated films designing female animals with human gender stereotypes in mind, and fiction in general constantly mistreating and neglecting female characters. I love the HTTYD films so much, but at the same time, there are some aspects that legitimately warrant criticism, and misogyny is definitely one of them… and the Light Fury exemplifies that better than anything.

[callmegaith]

I want to know more about your rebels. From the art I've seen, they look very interesting. Tell me more!

ANON 😭😭 THATS SO SWEET OF YOU THANK U SM!!

Well, there are 4 characters that make up a squad. You have:

Pete:

The muscle of the group. He's a hot-head with a shotgun. Pete is the character I use to explore the world of HL the most, since he's the one character I can truly call an oc. He used to be a bit of a scardy cat growing up but when the war happened, being isolated and removed from his family and being forced to work for the combine, his fear turned to anger, and he's got A LOT of it. A bit too much, in fact. The moment they put a gun in his hands and he's had a little bit of that power trip taste, it was over. He no longer had a reason to feel helpless and be scared of the combine, now with his trusty shotgun, he could get up close and personal and make them go bye bye, which he probably likes an unhealthy amount. In his head, though, he thinks it's fine. He's fighting for the good guys, after all. He's doing the right thing. So his violence is justified. And that's sorta the central plot of his character "when do you become the same monster as the ones that hurt you?" Hurt people hurt people, and Pete has been hurt a lot. Though, he believes he's different because unlike the Combine, he loves and cares. The combine wouldn't know what that means, so in a way, his love for Nate and humanity in general, is what he believes keeps him from becoming as bad as the Combine.

Nate:

Nate is the youngest in the squad and the most naive. All he wants to do, really, is survive this whole thing. He just wants to see the sunrise on a brand new day where the Combine no longer exist on earth. He's pretty optimistic about it too which Pete and Marcel often disagree with but ya know, let the man dream. He's the chill laid back joker of the group and the life of the party. The most social out of them but not necessarily the best talker... And he talks... A lot. Like, nonstop. Marcel thinks it's because he's constantly trying to fill his mind with other stuff other than their shitty situation cuz the moment he shuts up he's gonna have to think about it and he's going to collapse. So they just let him ramble. He's a big fan of collecting things (both he and Pete are but he started their collection) some might even view him as a hoarder. Like you'd find him collecting pizza boxes and other useless things simply because... Well, those things don't exist now. They're "relics" of a life pre-war. And he finds that interesting, it brings him comfort even. He's the group's mechanic and the best at handling firearm since he's had the most training, having joined the Rebels before the others.

Marcel and Kit:

2 for one, those two cannot be separated (for Marcel's own good)

Marcel is the medic of the group. He's the oldest in the squad and the most pessimistic. Kit met Marcel when he found him dying on the ground (that's a comic you may or may not have read. I'll link the comics at the end of the ask) after saving his life, the two became inseparable. Marcel is in a very dark place mentally and thus has become extremely fragile. If you ask him, he'd tell you he's not suicidal, he just wouldn't mind not waking up the next day. Kit keeps Marcel safe, both from the Combine, zombies, and whatever threats, but also from himself. Kit wants to give Marcel purpose and a reason to keep living, something to make the days easier to get through, and becoming a medic was that for Marcel. He gets to save lives and it gives him a sense of meaning. It doesn't make him value his own life or anything, but he's at least living to do something good.

Marcel might come off as hostile and aggressive or just very uncaring but, in fact, he cares a lot. You just have to get past his nonchalantness and dig pretty deep to find that part of him. Kit understands he's probably just building walls to protect himself. He doesn't want anyone getting close so no one would miss him when he's gone. But obviously that doesn't work cuz, lmao, Kit ignores that. Tbh Kit doesn't need to bind life force with Marcel to die if Marcel dies. If Marcel dies Kit will likely just die of a broken heart.

That aside, Marcel finds Kit's views on life very intriguing, he's very interested in the Vort philosophical approach to life and death, and the way they form bonds, more spiritually than anything else. And he does end up having that bond with Kit, something so connected to what feels like a greater and higher thing than they are. So cosmic in its nature that it is hard to comprehend. To him, there's something so beautiful and profound about that. It's the idea that one day they will be embraced by that greater thing, so they may become a part of it, but it will happen when their time comes and they're called upon by the cosmos. He's just waiting for that day to come now.

If you'd like to see more of the characters you'll find everything under the tag (HL: change begins with us) or specific characters under: ( oc: Pete, Nate as male 07, Marcel as male 09, kit the Vortigaunt)

If you haven't seen the comics and wanna give em a read:

This is one lore dump and a half but hope you find it interesting, anon. :D again, thank u sm for your interest and curiosity. It means a lot to me!!

[copperbezel]

Zephyr Slip

At the end of last year, before I'd begun working on Bit Cobalt, I ran into some paleoart of Austroraptor, a dromaeosaur (raptor) from Argentina. Austroraptor is one of the largest dromaeosaurs, with a long, narrow, Big Bird snoot, conical teeth that probably point to fishing, and small forelimbs, as well as leg proportions that hint at a runner. Much of the paleoart I saw depicted Austroraptor in waterbird colors, which gave it a soft and friendly appearance, immediately my new favorite dinosaur.

So I drew an Austroraptor and then a robotic one, adding a quail topknot or ahoge feather, and started to think about making a transforming figure that would change from this animal into a humanoid robot. But a transformation from cute robot girl to cute robot girl, except one of them is a dinosaur, seemed a bit redundant, and there would be compromises in both directions that would detract rather than add.

But a couple of months later, I saw a particular motor scooter and something clicked, and the game was on. I love motor scooters, and they're a fantastic accessory for other figures on the shelf. I went through two foamcore prototypes to nail down the transformation, making it as simple and sturdy as I could manage and making sure both modes would scale well with other 1/12 scale figures.

I also started collecting some reference images for details I could nab and integrate, and to nail down the scaling of the scooter.

After I had something that worked, I drew up some concept art for both modes and started modeling. I was able to streamline the design a couple of steps further in the 3D model, and then it was all carving up shapes, fine tuning, etc. Probably the longest phase of modeling was after I had my model roughed out into shape, but needed to build the joints, firm up the edges, define all the contact surfaces, and apply subdivision surfaces. I found it useful to rig the model and set a couple of animation steps in Blender for the two modes so I could simply page back and forth between them.

I had to set the design on the back burner while I worked out the kinks with my 3D printer and built my last couple of projects. Then I made a test print to identify any trouble spots, and after a couple of tweaks to get the feel right, it was time to print and finish the real thing. Zephyr Slip is the first thing I've printed in "color", and thanks to some dyes I need to experiment with more, she won't be the last. That means a much more durable finish for parts that have to slide against one another or clip into place. I did add a gloss coat to some surfaces of the black elements, but it shouldn't show chipping much. (Unlike the kickstand, thanks to my terrible decision to paint its feet.)

Like my previous figures, Zephyr's eyes (and console) are just printed gloss paper under a coat of gloss varnish, and her headlights and taillights have some clear resin poured in over the paint and cured into place for lenses.  Cutting plastic windows like the ones on my Vertigo GT for the lower headlights didn't have the same effect, so they got the same clear resin treatment. The decal designs themselves were made in Blender, because I've given up on Inkscape's interface, but I think they came out okay.

The joints are almost exclusively 3mm ABS rods, although her hip joints are Kotobukiya Hexa Gear joints, which gave me a sturdy pin and hinge in a compact package and without visible pegs. I'm looking into options to make the pegs show less while being easy to remove for the construction and painting process. Despite some care with the tolerances, I did have to widen some peg holes and mush some pegs during assembly to get her pose well and snap together tight into either mode. But everything does clip solidly into place, resulting in a really playable figure. 

As my first fully transforming figure and also my largest, Zephyr Slip is definitely the biggest figure project I've tackled so far, and I'm extremely happy with the results. Posability is probably her weakest area, but she can pounce and emote, and with her solid handfeel and satisfyingly snappy transformation, I'm happy with the design. 

Paleontologically, I've followed most of the proportions of the real animal, although her torso should be a little bit longer, and her tail half again as long. She should also have visible first fingers, and I'm playing into the paleoart meme of bare snouts on dromaeosaurs that shouldn't have them. The proportion of thigh to shin is exaggerated, and the tail should have some left-right sway even if it's inflexible in the vertical axis. But it pleases me that she is both a roughly accurately scaled Austroraptor, and also a fairly realistically scaled scooter (if a bit chunky).

As always, due credit to @aprilpowered and Workbenchmaniac for support and feedback along the way, as well as Nemocyte (Tumblr | Twitter), whose feedback helped me to work out (among other things) the articulation needs of a theropod figure, something I'd never had to think about before.

[dusty-daydreams]

What bothers me is some people appear to think of Eloise as a "Not Like Other Girls" type of "feminist", which is not how I read her at all. I don't see her as thinking any less of other ladies, she just has nothing in common with them. Which is probably very lonely! And yes, unlike other women out in society, she does have the privilege of a family that will support her in spite of her radical politics, and she has been growing (and needs to do more growing) in her understanding of that privilege. (She can daydream about being a spinster because she can afford to be one.) But I've really liked her arc this season, with her trying to make new female friends even as she struggles to find commonalities.

I totally agree Anon!

Eloise is absolutely not a ‘Not like Other Girls’ woman. Just because she thinks differently than other people around does not make her a ‘Not like Other Girls’ because she (for the most part) doesn’t disparage other women when Francesca says she wants to take a “get it over with” approach to the marriage mart she is supportive. When she finds out that Penelope enjoys society and high society events, she indirectly apologises for acting in away that meant that Penelope couldn’t talk to her about it.

Plus for the most part her frustration is directed at men who view women as inferior, and at sexist systems.

I had hoped that this season would have had her continue to build on her progress last season when she began to realise she is not the first person to have these ideas, and in fact there is a brewing grass roots movement going on. That storyline could have continued without her visiting the radicals, by showing her reading things or talking to Benedict about the rights of the working classes or trying to discuss aspects of her feminism with Cressida. Like seriously I think queen bitch Cressida would be all for certain feminist ideals at the time like changing laws surrounding property ownership, and inheritance.

However I wish the show would have her family be more emotionally supportive towards her, like she has a comparatively very good home life, but it feels like most of her siblings treat her and her politics as a bit of a joke.

Which leads me to my other point, I don’t think the show actually knows what to do with Eloise and her feminism and they too often treat it like a joke. The show has become so unrooted from historical realities that the misogyny in the setting is extremely vague and changes to suit the plot, which makes having a character that is coherently fighting against that misogyny impossible.

Like Eloise went from arguing that women should be allowed to be admitted to university in season 1 when things were (a little bit) more historically grounded, to very vaguely saying that Women would have so much more time on their hands if they didn’t have to think about marriage all the time.

The devolution in the show is clear, in season 1, the alternate history was the removing of (certain types of) racism from admits English nobility and gentry, but the misogyny of 1813 was alive and well, women needed to marry because that was where her value and security was, women didn’t have alternatives to marriage for economic security. Now in 1815 and with the fantasy of the show taking over - women need to marry because what - that’s what she is supposed to do, and that social pressure is bad - but it’s not a true systemic problem?

Basically the show has lost any historical grounding it could have claimed to had, and as such Eloise’s feminism is just as vague as the misogyny she is fighting against. Which means that the show inevitably plays Eloise being a character in a Romance show that disdains romance a joke and not an interesting facet of her character the way it was shaping up to be in season 2

That said I did enjoy an Eloise cut off from a Penelope that pretended to care and agree with her politics, trying to make new friends, and trying to honestly engage in their interests.

[hottakehoulihan]

@Lakesbian got this (anon) ask: Who is your favorite Wildbow Antagonist: for both Worm, Pact, and Twig?

And I figured I'd give my answers to five (haven't started Seek yet)

But the hard part is, of course, determining what qualifies as "antagonist" AND what qualifies as "favorite"

And this'll be a hot take because I haven't thought about this in exactly this framing before.

I think, though, that what I want from them might be expressed as "if I were reading a fanfic, would I want them in it? If i were writing a fanfic, would I see them as indispensable? If

Worm: Doctor Mother. I see so many villains and it's hard to choose. Phar Se is interesting and hints at so much more. Moord Nag could be cool. Exploring Gavel or Alexandria has lots of potential. I felt almost guilty about cheering for Bonesaw during her laying-the-seeds-of-betraying-the-S9 interlude because she's such a good candidate for being unceremoniously mulched and she's exactly the sort of lazy "artistic contrast" Jack would find profound. Not that the S9 is completely devoid of possible grist; I think Night Hag could have a great backstory. The big stompies are more--to me--natural disasters than actual antagonists, but Doctor Mother? A woman who finds herself having helped Fortuna accomplish something huge and important, and also having young-girl Fortuna struck by the most vast and justified decision paralysis possible? Just says "hey, I'll make the decisions. You relax, babygirl." and then sticks to it? With the most extreme Dunning-Kruger ever maybe but also it's not as if she can put it down and step away. Like it or not, she's stuck. In a world where "I've isekai'd into the body of the villainess" novels are super common (you're living in that world), Doctor Mother is a villainess whose role would REALLY suck to find yourself in. I think she's interesting. ...and of all the problems that exist in Worm, she's one of those that would most profoundly change the setting if she was removed.

Pact: The Lawyers. I'm a sucker for Bacchus, and I love Fell. Maggie is wonderful. Goblins--ever since Pale--have a place in my heart. The damned police? O yeah; that was real. Barbaratoem is so great as a Mama Mathers style scarything. But the Lawyers were upfront about "We're not the good guys, we want you trapped as one of us forever times many, and we're going to be pretty pleasant to you because this will help. Would you like a free cookie and a no-strings-attached neckrub?" I could see an RPG in which you freely join the Lawyers and never realize you're even morally grey.

Twig: No idea. It's been too long. I'll reread it soon. Did this story have Mr. Hugs or was that late Ward? Can I count Wyvern? I'm just too fuzzy.

Ward: Mama Mathers, or maybe Teacher but I kinda hate him with disgust and wish he'd died offscreen and at birth. Honestly I'm gonna need to finish my reread and digest a bit, but for delicious fear? Mama. And for "it'd be neat to be in this villain's head?" Old Man. If I found myself more engaged with Ward I might have more to say, but I'm finding the readthrough a slog, and I'd happily go through this story with just about any other character as my protagonist and consider it an upgrade. Except Mama, perhaps, which is why she gets the trophy.

Pale: Maricica. Kudos to this story for having at least one major annoying antagonist that just got unceremoniously bullet-to-the-brained. ...but Maricica is another--like The Lawyers--deceiving-by-not-deceiving force with not-your-best-interests-in-mind. Like The Wolf? Scary. Do not like. Eek eek eepy-eek. Even to have a wonderful possum-friend-familiar of my own boon companion wantwantwant I'm not sure I'm willing to risk that. The Choir? WAY more pants-shittingly-scary than I'm willing to face. ...though the prize is pretty great. But I actually care about Marcy and want her to escape her origin. And unlike Riley, I don't feel bad for my conflict there. Like, I'm cheering whether she wins or whether she gets bullet-induced trepanation. We're all born as slaves and it sucks. She's hurting people I care about to escape, but she's trying to escape.

Claw: Davie. Not much to say here. He's plenty horrible. He's banal and batshit evil, believable and genuinely frightening, and maybe I should pick Natalie or Ben or even Mia in order to have depth and nuance, but Mia's the protag and I don't find Natalie or Ben all that interesting. Davie's just a good monolithic bit of scary-ugly. And he works. He's useful, as a story element. Unlike Jack Slash (who I would merrily extract and discard from Worm/wormfic without regret) I could find him useful to borrow and add to any story, and like Jack, no death is too ugly for him. If I can't pick Davie I think I'm picking that scarfaced protege of his.

[adorawasright]

as i said before, i believe that spop got inspired by zuko's redemption arc when they developed catra's. one thing that makes me think that is the "hair arc" both characters go through. or at least that's smth fans love to compare and i wanted to dissect here.

i think with the exception of s5, catra's hair arc is less extreme in the first four seasons. catra took out her hair tufts in s4. i've seen ppl point out that it was bc shadow weaver would touch that specific part of her hair to mess with her, so catra removed it altogether. regardless, her hair is also visibly straightened (and longer?) in s4, unlike it's "wilder" appearance in s1-3.

but then s5 comes around... and catra's hair is forcibly cut. she doesn't have the choice to do that. even then, ppl still compare catra's hair arc to zuko's, likely how the hair looks itself. but let me tell you why they're different.

zuko is always the one who changes his hair.

in book 1, zuko and iroh are forced to hide from the fire nation. zuko is the one who cuts his own hair. it grows throughout book 2, which also indicates zuko's growth as a person. he's starting to realize things. at one point he even starts accepting living in the earth kingdom with his uncle. but then azula comes along and she convinces zuko to return home and restore his honor. while yes, azula manipulated him, zuko still made the choice to go back to the fire nation when he could very well not to. he betrayed uncle iroh and katara (and the gaang overall), and with that he returned home.

in book 3, zuko's hair was mainly tied up, probably indicating the control of the fire nation over him. i vaguely remember his hair being loose whenever he went out and visited his uncle in prison, or when he was with mai (though in some situations with her, his hair was still tied up). finally, zuko lets it free, he faces his father and decides to join the avatar. regardless of influences, because they were there, zuko always had the choice to do differently. that's why his hair arc is so meaningful. in fact, his hair is never the same in all three seasons of atla.

catra's hair arc is not the same. i think it's implied that she cut it even more after being chipped by horde prime, considering it looks even shorter than when she was brainwashed. still, catra didn't have the choice here. and if you headcanon her as a woman of color (which nate somewhat "confirmed"), then this is only more insensitive and not well thought out. they never touch on that specific part of her arc. catra is never shown to be upset about her hair. if anything, it only makes her look "cute" and a "soft uwu baby" (when she rlly isn't). i hate that fans who apparently love the fact catra is a woc never call this out. everyone seems happy with short-haired catra.

the only ppl i've seen that actually criticized this decision are spop crits/antis like myself. i could be wrong, but fans rarely criticize this show overall.

anyway, yeah, i'm tired of everyone trying to tell me catra and zuko are the same. their hair arcs are not at all alike.

[tarakaybee]

I Was Right (Oxventure Wyrdwood Thoughts)

In the past on this extremely low follower blog of mine, I've talked about how I liked Oxventure for the first few sessions before it deteriorated into unstructured nonsense with no emotional stakes, no story, and no interesting gameplay and I stopped watching after they started to become repetitive, derivative, uninspired and a lot of other mean words. The reason that I fixated on its problems is because I genuinely thought everybody involved was extremely talented, I could vividly imagine a slightly better version that I would've loved, if only they had greater ambitions than just doing gags for six years like they were writing The Beano. I've been thinking on this a lot, but I remember that I quickly emotionally connected with the five player characters in the early campaign and some of the early NPCs, and my villain origin story for my many frustrations with Oxventure was that I felt embarrassed for emotionally investing myself when the campaign progressed and it became clear that there were never going to be any emotional consequences for anything.

I think everybody should play D&D the way that they find fun, even if, no especially if it's a campaign that is being filmed and broadcast, but it irked me that they never engaged with a lot of the fun parts of the game, which are fun and designed specifically to be fun. I'm trying to not sound like I'm gatekeeping, I sincerely believe that they simply never read the books in any amount of detail and never became aware of the interesting parts and would've enjoyed it if they did, because I just don't see how you can be a fan of a game system if you have to remove more than half of the rules to enjoy yourself. I've long held the suspicion that when they started playing they were instructed by Johnny to not worry about understanding all of the rules right away, and the players held the belief for years that the rules were extremely complicated, when they continued to not learn them. Mike in particular makes jokes about how he doesn't understand the rules, like in the lead-up to Orbpocalypse Saga where Johnny explained what spell slots were, Mike made a joke about how the explanation would take several hours because it was so complicated despite the fact that it's literally just a few rows of boxes that you tick off when you spend them, the Paper Mario games have a more complex magic resource system than that and Mike is supposed to be a games journalist.

After not watching the main campaign for several years, I decided to give Oxventure Deadlands a try, and I was surprised that Andy ran a campaign where he was willing to say no sometimes, and sticks to a consistent emotional tone without sacrificing the all-important comedy, and I said on this very blog that if Johnny were to run a campaign in this style where the players were willing to take things seriously that would be absolutely perfect, because Johnny has established their strong storytelling chops in basically every way possible other than during Oxventure Prime.

And I was right!

They were all capable of the kind of D&D campaign I wanted to see, and thought would be more deep and enriching than just going for the cheapest gags every time, they decided to take that leap and Johnny just casually, offhandedly created one of the all-time best campaign settings in episode one of a new campaign. Oxventure Wyrdwood, based on only one episode is absolutely brilliant and everything I've wanted out of Oxventure for the past six years, the first time Johnny actually wrote a story in earnest it was so creative, so inspired, so rich with lore, and unlike some seasons of Dimension 20, they did it in a way that was concise.

All the players are great too:

Luke Dob was a seminal moment for me in my experience of the D&D hobby, the simple combination of half-orc and bard was such a brilliant combination that it inspired a five year long campaign in which I played a character inspired by that same combination. Happen is a very fun concept, I always love it when a player mixes and matches classes and backgrounds, Acolyte is an interesting background for a Ranger that gives Happen a lot of fun depth, and I enjoy the Cadence Dice system so far.

Jane I knew that Jane was going to go for the logical opposite of Prudence, I definitely called that Jane would be a Life Domain Cleric months and months ago. What I liked about Willowfine from the offset is that Jane doesn't play her superficially, she isn't just a healer, she is actually, genuinely kind, her first healing action being to save one of the episode's antagonists was a brilliant tone setting moment for the character and the campaign as a whole.

Ellen Like Jane, Ellen made a brilliant choice of playing against type for herself, but I really like that Ellen's way of playing an extremely selfish character is distinct from the way Jane did and has some obvious nuance to it. Prudence was obsessed with violence and evil magic and generally likes amusing herself, whereas Cressida seems to be more interested in her image and personal pride. Related, I don't think I would've called Prudence actually evil, she didn't do that many obviously selfish things when compared to say, Corazon, she was basically just a dramatic goth who likes the aesthetic of evil. In contrast, Cressida has a selfish motivation that is easier to accurately roleplay without becoming a liability to the party.

Andy It was very obvious that there was some secret gimmick to the way Andy was going to go about things and the way things turned out intrigues me greatly. He was the player that surprised me the most, I love the idea that Robin genuinely has a commoner's stat block until the evil side takes over. Aberrant Mind is a fun subclass, and it looks as though he gained Cure Wounds from his Magic Initiate subclass to fit into the witch aesthetic a little more.

Mike With Mike, this is where my one nitpick lies, I don't think Mike is the best roleplayer of the bunch. The fact that Mike doesn't understand extremely basic parts of the rules at this point has long stopped being funny and genuinely just reflects poorly on him. Why does he still not know how proficiency and attack modifiers work? It's literally a sum consisting of adding two single-digit numbers together, and it's a sum that you're supposed to write on your character sheet before playing to eliminate the brainwork of doing it mid-session. And if doing two minutes of homework to prepare your character sheet before playing a two-hour game of D&D is too much, why doesn't he just use D&D Beyond which adds the two numbers together for you? That's exactly how I learned it, and also the fact that I just read the rules recreationally because I thought that they were fun.

I was surprised that he read what Rage actually does, but then Mike gets confused when Johnny doesn't do the maths to half incoming damage for him, despite the fact that it's not Johnny's job to use Mike's character abilities for him. To put this as nicely as possible, I knew Mike was going to choose Barbarian because if you don't like the game system as Mike seems not to, you at least don't have to interact with it much if you choose the class with the fewest abilities possible. Mike seemed to shine the best in Blades in the Dark, which seems to be designed to have as few rolls as reasonably possible.

Roleplay-wise, I think Mike portrayed Lug as different enough from Egbert that I was happy with the character in concept, but like with his other characters, there is no second layer below the obvious quirks that are on the surface like everybody else demonstrated.

Johnny Johnny was always my biggest problem with Oxventure Prime, I found their DM philosophy and storytelling choices completely mystifying. Why when Luke established that Dob was looking for his sister did this plot get resolved offscreen by an NPC? Why when Andy said he was searching for a pirate treasure did Johnny forget about this plot for two real years and have Corazon find the bulk of it offscreen between episodes? Why did Johnny not write a plot or do any worldbuilding the entire first campaign when not having anything set in stone created massive problems in the final story arc when their farewell tour gets cut short because the players can't remember more than one notable location and only two NPCs? Why did Johnny constantly ask the players to roll for things that were not optional, and then when the player rolls low, just ignoring the result and saying they passed?

In this campaign, with a mere few months of doing actual legwork, in Oxventure Wyrdwood, Johnny crafted a beautiful, immersive and unique story setting. In the first boss fight at the end of the first session, the monster was consistently doing enough damage that it could have killed everybody other than Lug in one hit if they didn't fight smart, and fight smart they did, it made perfect sense for the monster to quickly go down when the other members of the Folkmoot arrived. There were a couple of rules-aberrations, but my problem isn't getting rules wrong, it's not using game mechanics and everybody was definitely engaging more with the gameplay and not treating it like an unwanted obligation this time I feel.

In addition, I love the "Magic Will Have Its Due" mechanic, it's not just cool sounding words that Johnny plastered over the marketing, it's an intrinsic part of the story, and therefore an intrinsic part of the gameplay. This is probably one of the only ways you could outright play anything resembling a horror campaign in D&D, where there isn't so much a consistent looming threat and the stakes take a different form. The main horror module in 5E, Curse of Strahd, is a very well designed story and game experiences, but the horror aspect pretty much doesn't exist in the gameplay after the players level up a few times.

I was cautiously optimistic before this first session, but now I'm actively excited in a way that I haven't been since Critical Role campaign two. I desperately hope this quality remains consistent throughout the remainder of this story. Also, I'm glad the episodes have proper titles and not things like "Water Wonderful World" or whatever.

[kipperlillyforpresident]

Finally found someone else who doesn't care for Lucy (or at least not her characterization/blandness) thank god

Honestly didn't know where to put this before but I'll put it here because of that but idea where (completly unlike canon, opposite even) where Lucy was on-board with rage/rage takeover and just as off-the-rocker as kipperlilly and chose to die because it would light more rage in the rest of them. I don't know. I'll take anything other than her current innocent lamb does-nothing-wrong portrayl

But thank you thank you for being the one person I've seen so far who gets that and doesn't care for it

anon speak and live your truth!! it can be hard when youre in a fandom and the Dominant Understanding of something is so far removed from your own thoughts.

as for myself, like... i like what a lot of fanworks have done with lucy! i like the version of lucy that i have in my head!

but in canon? she's so nothing. ive said it before and i'll say it again (i got a shoutout on twitter for saying this, actually, which was very nice and fun to see): lucy is sooo dead wife montage coded.

honestly like. she had a really strong potential. the idea of her being nice but not happy? that's such a succinct characterization! (one that most of the fandom seems to.,... forget about...?) like. she has potential.

but the players made her into this flawless concept, without ever really... thinking about her as a person? idk. it was very icky. i will never stop being mad about "for lucy". and then in the finale she just is soft. where is that not happy but nice energy? she should be so deeply weird and warped. she should be upset that her best friends were taken over by her goddesses sister and killed her, and that some of them were revived and some of them werent, and that everybody seems to be totally fortgiving ankarna!! she should be cold and frosty...!

alas.

your concept is really fun - it definitely contradicts, canon, but here on ratgrumblr/grundlr/grimblr/etc etc, we love violating canon. we do it well and extremely often. and the idea of her choosing herself as a sacrifical lamb is soo fun.

it also ties into my seven birds au but thats for another post-

[makememadscientist]

I just read A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and watched the SuperCarlinBrothers videos about the Hunger Games series they put out the last few weeks. There were some interesting points made but I actually disagree completely with the theory that proposed Coin orchestrated Katniss being a tribute for the 74th Hunger Games. I think it's pretty clear that there are already rebels in place in positions around District 12 and within the industry of the Games in the Capitol but I don't think they were pulling the strings yet. They may have been instructed to aid any tributes that looked promising but I don't think it would have been anything more than that until after Katniss and Peeta won.

The videos also suggested that, as with Lucy Gray in the 10th Hunger Games and possibly (probably) the twist of the Third Quarter Quell, the reaping isn't beyond tampering with. People love that Katniss isn't a "chosen one" in the books and I completely agree. I think that her being a tribute was completely unplanned for and a result of her love for her sister.

But I don't think this discredits the idea of the reaping of tributes not being completely random. In fact, I think it's possible that there is unspoken pressure to make sure that tributes from District 12 wouldn't necessarily be good candidates because of President Snow's history with Lucy. Yes, District 12 is the smallest and poorest district. And yes, if the Career Districts actually have some people training for the Games it makes sense that they win the most often. But I also think it's telling that District 12 NEVER wins. In 63 years District 12 has won once! I don't think that is unintentional.

Here is where we kind of go into headcannon territory. Now it has been a few years since I've read the Hunger Games trilogy so take this with a grain of salt, but it seems to me that it is possible that a 12 year old girl who is known to be extremely kind and compassionate doesn't seem like an ideal tribute. I think Prim's name being called was random but I also think that it's possible that her pick wasn't as unlikely as it would appear to be.

It is entirely possible that, even though Snow is not the type of person who would ever advertise weaknesses if it could be helped and a great deal of his relationship with Lucy was obfuscated, there is still some lingering whispers about him having a particular problem with District 12 victors even if the specifics are not known. If that is the case, people trying to garner favor may influence the reaping so that tributes that are chosen for District 12 are less likely to win.

From the description I remember of Haymitch and his Games I don't think he sounds like someone who would have been expected to win. I also don't think that Peeta, although strong, would have had the drive to compete well enough to win if Katniss was not there as an incentive. Gale and Katniss both have their names entered more times than most but are also known to be capable hunters. Even the Peacekeepers (if I'm remembering correctly) know that the two are capable. It is entirely statistically possible for candidates like them to never get called at Reaping but I also think it's possible that candidates like them are specifically not chosen for District 12. At best, there may be incentive to just not say the names of people if they seem too capable or at worst their names are removed entirely from the running. If names like Katniss' are removed, suddenly a 12 year old girl with slim odds of being chosen suddenly has higher odds to battle. In which case, in a funny way, Katniss is the very opposite of a "chosen one" as the LEAST likely to be chosen.

[bobbydagen24]

another Harsh truth the fandom is Hypocritical when it comes to Creeks Return in TBGO since all the things they complained about also applies to Bro zone in TBT.

for starters everything the fans complained about with Creeks return in TBGO is very much an issue in TBT such as

lack of remorse. yep the bros spend the whole film showing no guilt they only show a nano second of remorse after their victim finally stands up to them and leaves and that's it for the film and they never actually acknowledge any wrongdoing at all.

lack of consequences. big yep despite repeating their crappy behaviours and arguably behaving even worse they get taken back in the end unconditionally after Treating Branch terribly for no Real Justifiable Reason.

lack of doing anything to earn another chance. also big yep the Bros get captured and are literally forced to let Branch lead to save their own lives as well as Floyd's and afterwards their second chance is seen as earned for some reason? Despite this being a self serving action.

at the very least Creek was made to apologise Bro zone couldn't even be bothered to do that the simple truth is fans just like characters for surface level qualities

such as their outwardly goofy personalities so your more keen to make excuses for them actually being very bad toxic people really but Creek is more outwardly unlikable

so your all not as keen to see him as a flawed human and are eager to write him off even tho everything that you claim to find wrong about Creek's return also applies to Bro zone when you think about.

look I will admit that while I've always Defended the writing choice to bring Creek back in TBGO and have him Re-join the village I will admit it was written very badly.

it was way too Rushed and kinda ruined what could have been an interesting story arc for Branch and Poppy and Creek himself if they'd actually made him a touch more sympathetic

and Regretful over his actions while having the others be forced to acknowledge that he was placed in a pretty Horrifying situation and reacted in a bad but Human way.

​

Rather than sticking with a Highschool Jerk persona which just made the fandom Blindly Hate him even more

but the only posotive thing I will say about Creeks return is that unlike Bro zone Creek never wasted his second chance in the tv show sure he never seemed all that remorseful

​

but he also never betrayed the characters Trust again Creek was given a second chance and he didn't take it for Granted

unlike Branch's Brothers who slipped back into old Habits very quickly and behaved even worse than when they were younger by being verbally cruel to him unprovoked.

and yet were still given a third chance at the very end despite showing next to no remorse and no acknowledgment of their behaviour and actions towards Branch and each other.

so there isn't really anything that makes Bro zone more redeemable than Creek the only difference is the movie gives them two second chances with no strings attached

while the first movie Removes any such choice for Creek after his first betrayal even tho it was under extreme duress and literal torture.

this is something that Really doesn't make sense to me and Hence why I say this fandom cares more about surface level likability for its characters Rather than them being actual Good people

( Barb is the most extreme example tbh )

the majority of the fandom seems to view Repeated crappy behaviour for no Real Reason other than Bruce and JD didn't Grow up in over 2 Decades.

and Jump to the extremes of lifelong abandonment and emotionally abusive Behaviour when their slightly annoyed as acceptable and Human.

and worth forgiving even with no Real acknowledgment of wrongdoing or efforts to make amends.

while someone giving in to fear after being nearly eaten alive and tortured on your own by creatures 20 times your size is seen as irredeemable by the larger fandom.

and him being accepted back after this is seen as the worst thing ever because he showed next to no Remorse but did acknowledge wrongdoing and apologised to the people he wronged unlike Bro zone.

and Poppy herself literally tells Branch and by extension the audience that yes Creek has flaws

( that being giving in to fear under extremely stressful circumstances) but they are forgivable Human flaws and can be Helped.

it wasn't written Great and it was Hella Rushed but this is actually a mature message so its Hilarious how the majority of the fandom flipped their shit and whined like Babies at this episode 😂😂😂😂

yet when this message was taken and applied to bad people who this message doesn't actually apply to given their motives and Repeated crappy behaviours

suddenly the fandom thinks this kinda message is mature and posotive even tho its literally just encouraging kids to stay in abusive relationships.

I Guess that was Creek's fatal flaw Rather than being a Hostage who turned traitor in a moment of panic to save his own life

he should have abandoned his family twice and verbally abused them because he's slightly annoyed when he's expected to put effort in to the relationship then the fandom would love him 😕😕

it Really is no Different to the extreme Blind fans who love characters like Walter White and Dexter Morgan and Joe Goldberg and Tony Soprano

not because you like a complex bad guy character but because you think they're actually Great people and think them being likable and charismatic means everything they do is excusable.

but write off other characters who do similar actions but don't happen to have those surface level likable persona's.

in short your in love with characters who you invented in your heads not the ones the film actually showcased sooo yeah I'll end this by saying to you the same thing I said to Fifty Shades of Grey fans in the past

you wanna enjoy a fictional work by all means do that but trying to claim its a Healthy way to look at Relationships and forgiveness in real life is when you've crossed a line and need to be stopped.

because you may end up actually doing Harm to yourselves or to other people.

anyway cheers for Reading have a nice Day

[okkotsugf]

Chapter 6 as a tumblr post with embedded images because ao3's image system is broken no matter what i do lol . all text is the same

Note: this is not a real chapter, and was meant to be an author’s note at the end of the last (final) chapter but went a little too long, so I added some further lore context to some choices made in this fic. I would not usually do this at all, but in the spirit of Laios, I believe infodumping about my interpretation of monster lore to people who don't care is possibly the most canon-typical thing I can do. 

The real truth is somewhere between the several options laid out by Kabru and Laios himself. 

Number one: Laios IS still a monster, because I subscribe to the “he just shape-shifted back human and doesn't have enough mana to be animalistic” school of thought. The book specifically mentions that the monster can shape-shift. His monster doodle page also debates angular snake heads vs round ones but his final form has a rounded/goofy snake head (see below), which are usually not venomous. 

The past few decades have seen a growing interest in understanding of the origins and structure of morphological diversity. As form, function and ecology are often interrelated, shape diversity can be expected to have functional consequences and/or to reflect the ecology of organisms (e.g., habitat, diet). However, this relationship is not always straightforward as demonstrated by the phenomenon of many‐to‐one mapping of form to function, with different morphologies giving rise to similar levels of performance.”* Source: Segall, M., Cornette, R., Godoy-Diana, R., & Herrel, A. (2020). Exploring the functional meaning of head shape disparity in aquatic snakes. Ecology and evolution, 10(14), 6993–7005. https://doi.org/10.1002/ece3.6380 *Certain citations have been removed from the original text because this is a fanfiction on ao3.

I really struggled with deciding if Laios’ deal is venom or poison. Since Kabru ingests it orally/tastes it, it’s poison, BUT it is also injected in the initial bites. I chose to categorise it as venom as it only occurs specifically when Laios bites down/’injects’. Though debatable (see the discussion on blood at the end), the venom in this case is an adaptive trait taken on when Laios turned human post three-heads. Overall, it is mostly comprised of hemotoxins (blood ouchie) with neurotoxin (nervous system ouchie) capabilities. In other words, for any vampire-esque monster, it makes perfect sense to keep prey alive yet unwilling/unable to run: eg, paralytic poison. For Laios specifically, the poison works as a semi aphrodisiac, in that it amplifies desire specifically. Kabru already kind of wants to eat Laios, and him really wanting to taste Laios creates a representative desire that Laios can eat. K tasting/drinking it makes it have a different effect than when it's injected into the wound (increased desire vs. an agent that breaks down platelets). Again, all monster traits have a function: in this way hunger-prey gets more bloody, sexy-prey gets more sexy.

Backtracking to other physical aspects. Chilchuck is half-right here. Laios’ horns and tail have been fully discarded. Unlike Falin’s more predominantly present sharp teeth (see below), Laios’ similarly positioned fangs only appear and lengthen in preparation to eat or in moments of severe emotional or physical distress. While latent, his regular canines are simply doubled, but Chilchuck doesn’t know enough about tallman anatomy to decode that. In essence, Laios kind of ended up with his wisdom teeth in place, despite not being born with them. He doesn’t have extra teeth, per se.

Laios’ eyes follow the dragon!Falin format of the extreme slits, but they do kind of even out to a regular round pupil when he’s stable + it’s bright daylight, which is why it’s not immediately apparent to non-Kabrus. 

I've definitely exaggerated the Laios/Kabru size difference in this. In part because I find wide men personally attractive but also bc Laios has gained a fair bit of mass post dungeon (also canonical).

Lorewise speaking, Laios’ big strong monster aura is powerful enough to keep every other monster at bay (see below), which is why Kabru is sometimes so primally afraid of him in this fic. HOWEVER. Kabru (half incubus) remaining in his presence for so long has had the effect of cementing him, subconsciously, as an extremely strong monster as well (even though it's his human cluelessness that's the reason). Therefore it’s essentially an equation that goes [strong monster + not part of diet + in vicinity = potential mate/equal]. On some level this is hinted to with Kabru’s intense power kink paralleling it, but tbf it’s also just how I see Kabru. He is not part of the diet due to wasps being generally wayyy too small for a body as large as Laios’ monster.

Why did this become a problem so abruptly? The Kingdom’s taken this long to reach a relatively stable plateau, and much like other biological processes being halted by extreme stress, so has this one. In addition, purely headcanon, but I believe that monster breeding seasons tend to work somewhat opposite to animal seasons. The passage of time becomes significant again, given that as a monster he's “matured” biologically and is entering his very first. sigh. ovulation? rut season? it's NOT omegaverse it is just laios. 

The blood consumption is a side effect of iron deficiency (endless stomach edition) + food curse + mister King not understanding whether he wants to eat kabru or fuck kabru. The blood (see below) is kind of serving the same function as the desires (food) have to the Lion (addicting with an endless appetite). 

Again, Laios isn’t being stupid here: blood is the driving force of life itself. It’s about as close to magical vagueness loopholes as one can get. It’s not entirely right, as Laios still needs to consume desire itself to feel anything other than 40% full, but he’s on a fairly reasonable track. 

Also, goes without saying: Laios drinking that amount of blood from a 100% human would have been very different, in that they would have passed out due to the venom 5 minutes in and promptly have needed to have their stomach pumped before they had a stroke. K is just built different. 

ALSO, kept vague and you can debate this according to your interpretation, but Laios is still very demisexual. he only wants to drink from kabru because kabru is the only sexual option. again, the blood consumption is partially borne from Laios being unable to catalogue sexual feelings from platonic, hence him deciding it'll only work with friends, which may or may not be true.

Thank you for tolerating me! This is the first multi-chapter I've finished! If you've read this far I may as well ask which of the following options I should work on next:

delgaal!yaad/laios Sr. idk these old men can yaoi I'm confident 

lighthearted laios/kabru royalty au prince × best friend moment, where both are kind of petty assholes 

the winged lion in laios’ body/mithrun (please someone do this. need more cakes) 

the winged lion in laios’ body/kabru/fake mithrun 

dungeon lord marcille/regular falin

the one unhinged dream i had after first finishing the manga that’d be a really risky psychological horror longform that starts with comphet

[our-transmasculine-experience]

I haven't legally changed my name, but I have been pushing my chosen name in my university - writing it down on quizes and tests, using a personal email instead of the assigned uni email that has my dead name, introducing myself with my actual name, just to name a few.

Also my native language requires a suffix at the end of the surname to indicate feminine gender so by removing the feminine suffix, leaving it bare and making it masc./neutur, it becomes pretty clear something is up, everyone in the country will either think you were born outside the country or you are trans if there's other factors (first name change, appearance) if you lack/add the suffix later in life.

Some professors have taken it well, very well actually. Some had a harder time because the name I go by can be seen as a nickname and not a full name - and I'm too scared to go by the full masc version of my name without legally changing it first - but they either got used to it or a simple change in pronunciation of the name made them more comfortable.

And then there's the ones that either cannot comprehend what's happening or are malicious about it. The first type is a professor to whom I literally wrote "prefered name: Name" in an attendance/topic sheet she gave us for one of the projects we needed to do. Ignored. I sent an email from my non-uni assigned email. She saw and replied to it. Ignored. But not only ignored, she used my government name. Which was extremely weird. She keeps forgetting my name, so I reintroduce myself and then she keeps ignoring me and uses my government name. But I still think she isn't too malicious about it.

Unlike the latter type - the straight up transphobic ones. I've had just two professors like that so far. The first one was easy to ignore, especially because we had the majority of our classes online with her. Again, she'd ask my name, I'd reply and she'd get grumpy about it. I know it was malicious because of comments shes made about trans people and neutral language.

And then we have the second one who also can't seem to remember my name, asks, I say my name and she makes a point to say the other name. I tried the different pronunciation trick and at first she accepted that... Until she figured out who I was and again made a point to say my legal name loud and clear for everyone to hear. In addition to that, she's been giving a little too many examples to definitions and the material we are studying that have been low-key transphobic.

Tbh if there were more people attending her seminars I'd straight up ignore her until she gets my name right, but because of how few we are, I don't want to start shit. Especially because we'll only have her for this one semester.

So yeah, academics can be a lot while being trans and not having access to medical transitioning. Still, I'm extremely glad my department is lefty and open minded and the majority of the people are chill. Yes, the negative experiences can sour the mood but I like to remind myself of all the good and understanding people around.

i’m really sorry to hear that some teachers have not been accepting, but the good part is that those teachers seem to be the minority of your college experience.

remember, there are always more good people than bad people.

[creations-by-chaosfay]

I have pulmonary therapy this morning, but after we get home, there aren't anymore plans for my day. It's likely gonna be a mix of working on the next quilt and gaming. My living room is too bright to see the TV screen from about 10AM to 2PM...unless it's cloudy. Which is why I tend to game in the very early morning. Today is looking to be another sunny one.

Unless I receive a commission, I'll be working on Antivan Crows fanart quilts. These will be made using crow foundation paper piecing patterns, the same I've used below:

I have them printed in various sizes, which means there will be options. A poll I was running a few days ago showed a near equal preference for purple crow with a black background and black crow with purple background. Looks like I'll be making both available.

I'm desperately hoping these sell. They will not be cheap. These are foundation paper pieced, meaning I'm sewing fabric to paper, and then each section sewn together, followed by the removal of the paper, and then basting and machine quilting. It's more steps and a lot of paper.

As for how long these will take, the larger sizes will likely take a week, the smaller ones a few days, but I need more breaks. Today will likely be spent folding all the paper. It's a very helpful step, folding paper along the seamlines. It speeds things up once I start sewing.

These are mini quilts, but the smaller ones may serve as mug rugs. If you know you intend to purchase one, set aside no less than $200 for a mug rug, more if you want anything larger than 12x12 inches. I'll be starting with the smaller sizes today, and the first will be a purple crow on a black background. Unlike the crows pictured above, I will be using the same fabric for the wings, feet, and beak. The eye will be the same color as the background.

If you know for a fact you will be purchasing one, please don't tell me. It's extremely disappointing when people tell me they'll purchase my work...and then vanish. It's happened with virtually everything I've made for my shop. I will not reserve anything for you unless you pay half the price immediately upon listing and pay the rest within a month. No refunds. If you can't pay the second half within four weeks, I re-list it. Yes, I'm angry about the disappointment I'm frequently fed.

I have $1k left to pay on my current debt, and will have new debt soon because Cacoa needs to see the vet. She has a sort of skin tag on her leg, and it's in thr center of a bald spot. We noticed it yesterday, and this will need to be biopsied. Purchasing a game console is on hold until the debts are paid. Selling my quilts is how I'll be doing that, and telling me you're going to buy my work is not going to help me.

[basicallyaturtle]

I have, I think, a strange connection to parasocialness, not a unique one, there are probably a TON of people that feel this exact way but I've never seen it expressed and possibly others will see this and go OH YEAH TOTALLY

So the prototypical parasocial behavior is indicated basically either by A, feeling like someone is your friend who as no idea who you are, both because in 1 performing as a public person, especially an entertainer

(side note what if instead of youtuber or tiktok creator or any specifics, and in lieu of calling it content creation, because gross, or artist, because that's a broader term than is applicable, we called them intertainers for internet entertainers? this is totally not just because I keep misspelling entertainer)

there is incentive to come off as genuine in a way that invites parasocialness not because that's the goal, it's just easier to make an audience that way, and also because 2, if you are an intertainer for long enough, you end up sharing quite a lot of yourself (personal stories, preferences opinions etc) that makes it seem like you are putting your whole self on the internet, when really you are not

or B, feeling like you know enough about a person to conclude who they are, what they're like, that kind of thing, which is mostly due to the same causes as behavior A.

I feel like I emotionally do B a lot, not purposefully, mostly subconsciously and when I find myself feeling that way, or seeking to be that way, by looking up personal information about youtubers or getting invested in a relationship that is partially public (just to mean people know that it exists, not that it is a Public Relationship) or something like that, I take a moment to remind myself that it is not productive or healthy to do that, even if the intertainer in question wanted to know all of their fans, it is just logistically impossible once you get above like 40 people, so stop that. Sometimes I still indulge a little, like letting myself look up one or two things, but only if it's like something they've talked about and are fine with the public knowing, but I am careful about it, and on general principle I just try to not engage in this behavior for intertainers.

However, I find myself on occasion extremely consciously aware that I do not know said intertainer, and they know me even less, and seeing how they interact with other intertainers and think something to the extent of 'man it would be cool to get to know these people more, they seem like a fun group to hang out with' This is one step removed from the parasocial behavior mentioned above, because it is basically going yeah I see them parasocially, it might be neat to be actually just social with them. Like, I find myself thinking that it would be cool to like accidentally stumble upon one of these people and form a friendship with them. This does happen, especially within the intertainer space, where you can be a fan of someone and then end up collaborating with them and becoming friends, but it is definitely not the norm, especially when one of the people (me) is not an intertainer. This also isn't really in the way of oh man I'm such a huge fan and if I met them that would be craaazy, just these people seem like a fun group to hang out with, wish I could get to know them better.

Now this is still extremely parasocial, I still look at the facades that intertainers put up and think wow what a cool person wish I could know more about them and get acquainted with them. I think this is even more nefarious (meaning like, it can infiltrate the mind without one noticing not that the people that feel this are nefarious), since as detailed, I see it as one step removed from the prototypical parasocial behavior even though it's like still really presumptive of the nature of how people present themselves online. It's also, for me at least, harder to write off. Like I know it's parasocial, but unlike with the other behavior where I go stop being like that, it's not healthy, and then stop, I find it difficult to get rid of this latter feeling. Like if an intertainer says they're going to a convention I think oh that would be the perfect opportunity to bump into them. I immediately say to myself no that's a bad idea and kind of stalkerish, and I've never even gone to a con and there's none ever near me so that's not even like something I'd do, but the thought of wanting to do that, and that it could work lingers in my mind in a way the other kind of stuff doesn't, possible because I don't want to see it as parasocial, and it feels more disconnected from the idea, despite it still being so. In that case, strangely, if I was just a huge fan and wanted to meet them, then that would be a normal thing to do at a con, and I am being MORE parasocial by having this idea that I could 'accidentally' meet them and befriend them.

I also specifically have this thought of 'oh I'd be super causual about it' Like if I saw a person I was a fan of on the street I would just be like oh shit it's you love your work because that seems like the thing to do, not freak out. Or if I coincidentally (and I actually mean coincidentally here, not like the 'accidental' of the other thought) were to like move in close to someone I was a fan of, ti would be cool to see them around, and it would be neat to try to get to know them more. and this is a particular weird part to me.

Wanting to get to know, or even befriend, neighbors is a normal thing to do. I would like to become friends with neighbors, so I have people that live near me I am friends with, and also just because having friends is nice. I don't do that now with neighbors because I'm a shut in grad student but that's besides the point at the moment.

If I was neighbors with an intertainer that I enjoyed, and I wanted to become friends, or at least acquainted, with them, then that would be parasocial, because even in recognizing I do not know very much about them, I would still be entering the sphere of communication on uneven ground because I would know way more about them than they knew me, the same issue as before. I think even if I tried to like forget about their work entirely, or create like a distinction between the intertainer and the person, the parasociality would still creep in inevitably. And if I just pretended to not know about it to them specifically, like ask what they do and be all coy like oh I don't really use youtube or whatever, then that would be worse in a way due to the deception, and on examining what would happen if it became known that I did know their work, they would feel a little scandalized, rightfully. Also if I got to know them, then tried to interact with them as a fan of their work, then it would be overly familiar, like it would be unfair to any other fan that I got to do this. I sometimes also feel this way when I interact publicly with irl friends that have, not a following, but people that they don't know that enjoy their work, like I'm being overly familiar with them in this public setting, that's kind of strange even though we are actually friends because it looks like I'm being insanely parasocial or that it's unfair that this person can talk to you like this but people they don't' know can't. (This also verges on the 'you can be jokingly rude to friends but try doing that on anon asks and you're just a dick because yeah you don't know that person or 'egg discourse' where constantly badgering a public person about their gender identity is different from nudging at a close friend in a jocular manner, both of which are kind of landmines and I don't want to touch anymore because that's not really what this is about for me)

That is all also more of an emotional feeling than one I think is actually based on some truth, and may be a reflection of how I would feel if I learned that someone 'got' to do that that wasn't me (I am also aware that that sounds kind of deranged, but I mean that I would feel this in a kind of knee jerk response, not to say that that isn't my feeling, but I recognize that it is unreasonable)

I also would be more motivated to get to know an intertainer that I share a neighborhood with than a generic neighbor, which is certainly parasocial, but could also partly due to the fact that a generic neighbor also includes plenty of people I just wouldn't get along with, so in having them be an intertainer I know, I would at least know that I would get along with them-- Accept it I wouldn't! I just caught that as I was typing actually. just because I like an intertainer's material does not mean I would necessarily get along with them, and is even less indicative of how they would find my personality, so in saying that I am still being parasocial.

I don't know what I would do in that situation of I'm being honest, realistically continue to be a shut in and just know I have someone I 'know' online as a neighbor, but just thinking about it happening, or 'fantasizing' (not that per se, but just kind of thinking it'd be neat if that happened, maybe idealizing) about it is still parasocial.

Actually I had an opportunity to do this kind of. There's a youtuber who made videos about going to undergrad where I am currently doing my PhD, and he's involved with some of the programs that the department at a lab attached to the university does, so he's around, though not on campus, at that lab, for a few weeks in the summer, and what I do, while not related to that subject, is tangentially connected, just because they're both ultimately about nuclei and shit. I have a friends who is a fan of his, as am I somewhat, and he joined the program, not to meet the guy, but because his research is in that subject so it made sense, but in getting to meet him, my friend was telling me about how nervous he was to meet and first, and it was really awesome to get to work with him. And I couldn't not think that if I met him I simply would not be like that. There was a vague sense of superiority that I knew was unfounded, but I thought like pfft I would just be casual and could become friends with him. I didn't end up going to the lab most of the summer, so I never met him, and I never felt inclined to go there just to meet him, but I had this sense of my friend is being weird I would be so normal. But as with the convention thing, it is arguably more parasocial to try to play it cool and get to know them more rather than just be a fan, though different in this case, because my friend was basically working with him, and while he was initially like woah guy I'm a fan of he wasn't like actually off putting or like being a super fan obsessive kind of guy anything. But yeah all my feelings surrounding that situation were actually stranger, I think, than just being a fan.

This is also more complex on tumblr I think, since a lot of blogs are just like things the person finds interesting, and often there really isn't that facade, at least not in a purposeful way. Sending asking, directly reblogging and tagging posts, likes being visible, it kind of leans into the feeling of yeah this is a person you can be friends with if you just try hard enough. Sometimes this is true! people make mutuals in this way, they follow each other, then come to know each other better, sharing other contacts, dming, @'ing, you can become actual online friends with people on tumblr in a way that I think is harder on any other platform (though I'm only on youtube and tumblr so if there's other social media platforms like that then my b, I saw that post where someone was dating on quora so I guess anything is possible). There's more to this as well, like being mutuals on tumblr can also just be a blog thing, not necessarily a friend thing, or you can have friends that only follow you or you only follow them because either blog does not have stuff on it actually interesting to the other. Anyway, all that to say, it's really easy to be parasocial on tumblr, and also easier to actually be friends on tumblr, but that's a side thing, I'm mostly interested in parasociality as a youtube phenomenon, which is where I experience it.

All that also to say that thoughtcrime isn't really a thing and if I'm not being a creep or doing anything harmful or anything like that then like who cares, but I find categorizing which thoughts are useful/productive and which are harmful/unproductive and other categories and try to cultivate a mindscape that is healthy to the best of my ability (though mental illness definitely does not help with that) and I noticed a strange pattern of parasociality that I haven't heard before, and maybe has been left behind in the popular conception of it, or else discussions of it are happening and I just haven't seen it, or that I'm the only one to feel exactly this way (that seems unlikely though given the number of people that are)