#which I both appreciate but also kinda… let’s say it makes me irrationally mad in some aspects

[thormanick]

Me: *seeing info about that One Interaction between Wriothesley and Neuvillette with the umbrella*

Me: don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it don’t d-

My brain, unprompted and unabashed: what is this, miraculous ladybug?

[peaceoutofthepieces]

chapter 42

Fake Making-It

Social Media AU

previous chapter

it’s not proofread and most of it was written in the middle of the night and I think it probably kinda sucks, so sorry, but happy actual valentine’s day from these idiots 💕

~^~

Jens opens the door and immediately begins to shut it in Sander’s face.

Sander shoves his foot into the gap and wraps his hand around the frame, bravely, and forces it back. Jens lets go with a sigh, that turns even heavier when he spots Robbe at Sander’s shoulder. Sander keeps his hand pressed to the door and watches Jens cautiously, as if expecting him to slam it closed the instant Sander lets go. It isn’t an entirely unfair judgment.

“What is this?” Jens asks.

“A slight intervention,” Robbe tells him, sharing a glance with Sander. “And this time you need to listen.”

Jens leans out the door mockingly, but Sander furrows his brows at him. “Lucas hasn’t come back from Utrecht, no, and I don’t blame him.”

This puts Jens on pause and sets him rocking back on his heels. He blinks. “Utrecht? Why the fuck is he in Utrecht?”

“That’s where he lives,” Sander says slowly. “Or, where he grew up, at least. He’s staying with his mom.”

Jens knows that. He knows where Lucas’s home is, and he’s slightly (irrationally) pissed that Sander is treating him like he doesn’t, or that he’s stupid. He knows what and where Utrecht is; he just doesn’t know why Lucas is there. The message, however, feels pretty clear, and entirely contradictory to the messages on his phone. It makes him feel a little sick.

“Why are you here, then?” If Lucas doesn’t even want to be in the same country with him, then Jens doesn’t understand the purpose of further meddling. If Sander as mad at Jens for driving him away, Jens will point out that he didn’t tell Lucas to leave and then resort back to slamming the door. He might use the chain this time for extra security measures.

Sander slowly lets his hand drop from the door and asks, “Can we come in?”

Jens stares at him for a moment. He looks to Robbe and isn’t surprised by the encouraging nod he receives. He steps back, biting down another sigh, and sweeps his arm out in a ‘go ahead’ gesture.

The two filter into the apartment, Robbe squeezing his shoulder as they pass. They settle on Jens’s sofa side by side, and Jens drops into his armchair and looks at them expectantly.

“I know that you’re upset,” Sander says softly, “and I understand why. I also get why you’re angry. But I need you to be chill Jens for a second and listen. Will you?”

Jens glares at him for a second, but it feels uncomfortable on his face. He’s tired of feeling angry and he’s tired of being hurt. There is a chance, after all, that Sander will tell him something he wants to hear. The blond looks serious and confident—moreso than Jens has ever seen him. It might be that he’s sure of what he has to say, or it might be Robbe’s hand rubbing circles on his knee. Jens decides to nod anyway.

Sander’s shoulder sag on a breath of relief. “Okay. I need you to know you’re wrong. Don’t give me that face—you’ve already realised this yourself. I know you realise this. I need you to understand—none of this was Lucas’s fault. He hated every second of it. I should have stepped up for him the last time we were here and made that clear. Did Lucas talk to you much about how he was when he was younger, and what it was like for him coming out?”

Jens thinks back, but he can’t recall them ever broaching the topic. They’ve had some deep conversations, but there’s still plenty about Lucas that Jens doesn’t know or had ever thought to ask. He shakes his head.

“It wasn’t...great. He had a hard time with it. It made him do a few stupid things, hurt a few of his friends. But ever since he came out, he’s done everything he could to be brutally honest,” Sander huffs a laugh. He raises a brow at Jens and adds, “You’ve seen that for yourself. Think of the first day he met you, at least. Before I messed everything up. He wasn’t lying to you, then.”

He wasn’t. He was sassy and sure and a little harsh, really, and Jens had probably fallen for him on the spot. He offers a shrug.

Sander accepts that he isn’t going to get anything more and continues. “For as long as I’ve known him, Lucas has been unapologetically himself. He hates lying, unless it’s something small and basic like getting out of dinner with his dad or a way out of work he doesn’t want. White lies are the most he allows himself. From the very beginning, before you even messaged him that first time, he didn’t want to lie to you.”

“So what happened?” Jens asks, trying not to sound desperate. “Why did he?”

“I don’t know,” Sander admits quietly. Robbe squeezes his knee as he swallows, but then he looks at Jens with the same surety as before. “Maybe he panicked, too, but my best guess is that he did it for me. He wouldn’t have lost anything by telling you the truth that day, but he would’ve had to give me away, so he didn’t. It doesn’t matter that it was stupid. If there’s one thing about Lucas, it’s that he’s loyal to a fucking fault. He messed up before in that area too, but,” Sander pauses, licking his lips and shaking his head, eyes now downcast. “He’s done everything to make up for it since. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t deserve it. He’s just too good of a friend.”

Jens looks at Robbe, and his best friend meets his eyes, and for the first time Jens feels a pang of sympathy. He thinks of all the things that Robbe has done for him that he likely didn’t deserve, and what he’d do for Robbe in turn. He imagines himself in Lucas’s position, and comes to an understanding. If Robbe needed him, he would be there, no questions asked. No matter the reason or risk. There are lengths he would go to for his best friend that he’d scoff over with anyone else.

Still.

“That doesn’t change anything between us,” he mumbles. “It doesn’t change the fact that he did it.”

“No,” Sander agrees instantly. “It doesn’t change the fact that he messed up along with me. That he did lie and that it hurt you. But it changes your understanding, doesn’t it?”

Jens looks to Robbe again, who is now smiling knowingly. Another side effect, he supposes—Robbe has always been able to more or less read his mind.

Robbe speaks up, softly. “It doesn’t. He already understands, it’s just making him admit it.”

Now, Jens narrows his eyes. Maybe he overestimated the best-friend solidarity. Or maybe that’s exactly why Robbe’s doing this.

Sander’s eyes have brightened with Robbe’s reassurance, and he’s back to staring steadily at Jens, overly sure. “Robbe’s right. You’re upset because you think he lied to you about more than this. That he played you, or fabricated whatever you have between you. But you already know better. You know what kind of person Lucas is, Jens.”

Does he? This is what he’s been asking himself over and over, these past few days. The hurt has been almost buried under the panic of his outing, which he is yet to address, but still there has been space for this single question. He remembers everything he had shared with Lucas, the night they kissed. He remembers Lucas calling him out, for always acting like he knew Lucas by heart, but it had seemed like he was right and that Lucas was simply admitting it. Jens has always felt like he knew Lucas, from somewhere deeper than surface level facts. His brain and his heart have both been unsure, but there’s something adamant in his soul even now, something that extends to his gut. There is something in him agreeing with every word Sander says, screaming at him so that he might acknowledge what he already knows to be true.

“Lucas was always pissed at me, but there were times when he would come to me first and be so adamant that we had to fix things, that we had to tell you the truth. I didn’t realise at the time, but I know it was because of you,” Sander continues.

Jens’s chest tightens. “What do you mean?”

“It must have always been after he’d spoken to you. He said it a few times, that he couldn’t take you praising his honesty and lying to you over and over.”

Sander says this pointedly, as if acknowledging the center of Jens’s argument and demolishing it. His sole excuse, the center of his hurt, is that he has spent this whole time appreciating Lucas’s honesty while it has been founded on lies from the beginning. But it holds no weight, if Lucas had made the same point himself.

“I thought it was just because of the lie, but it’s because it was you,” Sander says firmly. “He wouldn’t have kept talking to you if he didn’t want to. Everything he shared with you, Jens, it means a hundred times more because of the circumstances. He could have made it easier for himself by avoiding you and hiding away, but he couldn’t. He could have let you try without offering up any of himself, but he didn’t.”

Jens, admittedly, has spent too much time pondering over that himself. It had been something that didn’t make sense. He could never truly believe Lucas would be cruel enough to go to such an extent—to fabricate enough information to convince Jens he was being honest and open; to earn his favour through such a dirty trick. He hasn’t been able to convince himself that all Lucas has told him has been a lie.

Robbe raises his brows at him, as if he knows Jens is caught. Jens ignores him and any expectancy to respond, letting Sander continue.

“It was killing him, and I know you could see it and just didn’t know what it was. Robbe told me, that you always wondered if Lucas was happy.” Sander gestures at Robbe, and seems sad now as he looks at Jens. “He wasn’t, with me. But even when things were fucked up, he couldn’t help it with you. It’s not the easiest thing to do, but you always seemed to make him happy, and I couldn’t understand it. I thought it was some weird kick out of rivalry, his way of trying to keep things light, maybe. I didn’t know. I didn’t see.” There seems, again, to be a silent acknowledgement that strengthens Sander’s sadness. I didn’t see it in my best friend, but you did. “The reason he lied, the reason he left—all of it’s because of me, not you. It’s not your fault. But it certainly isn’t his.”

It’s a little surprising, that Sander assumes some part of this is Jens blaming himself. It’s more surprising that he’s right. Jens hasn’t been able to help wondering what it is, what aspect of him makes it so easy for people to deceive him. What makes people want to. He’s gotten so used to it—being set up and knocked down. He has performed endless trust falls, and almost always ended up on his ass. This has felt even worse. Every day he’s been falling further and harder, breaking through the ground and gathering more aches and bruises with each passing moment.

Now, suddenly, he stops.

Something soft and warm catches him and wraps him up and says, You weren’t wrong. You were always right. You’ve always known.

The realisation hits him like a punch, knocking the breath out of him on a long, shaky exhale.

Sander and Robbe both notice, and beam at him, Sander letting out a sigh of relief. Robbe wraps himself around Sander’s arm and hugs the limb tightly, smiling so wide his cheeks seem ready to split. “Finally.”

“Alright,” Jens mutters, letting out a sigh of his own. There’s no heat in it anymore. “I’m as fucking stupid as the two of you have been,” he tells Sander.

“Well,” Robbe interrupts, politely. He squeezes Sander’s arm. “I wouldn’t think you’re on quite the same level. There was sense to your stupidity, and you were still right to be hurt.”

“You weren’t,” Jens points out, looking between the two of them.

Sander dismisses this with a wave and a lovesick look towards his boyfriend. Jens doesn’t understand how he never noticed that, at the very least. “Yeah, well, Robbe’s too nice,” Sander says.

Jens doesn’t have an argument for that. He does, however, have one final point he wants to make. “But,” he raises his brows, catching their attention and focusing on Sander. “I don’t think I’m the one who has to apologise to Lucas.”

The meaning is clear, and instead of shrinking away from it, Sander’s eyes finally light up in understanding.

He deflates just as quickly, looking down and plucking at Robbe’s fingers. “I don’t think he’ll ever forgive me.”

“You said it yourself,” Jens reminds him. “Lucas is a good friend. Loyal to a fault. He’s hurt and he left because of you, not me. That should be enough proof of how much he cares.”

Sander swallows. He leans against Robbe, who presses further into his side, and then he looks back up at Jens. “What am I supposed to do, then?”

Jens shrugs, raising his brows once more. “I’m guessing you both expected a nice romantic gesture out of me. So what do you think you’re supposed to do, Sander?”

~^~

Lucas opens the door and regrets it almost instantly.

“Don’t,” Sander quickly says, putting his foot inside the door. “Please.”

He’s standing on Lucas’s doorstep in the dark, shivering in his leather jacket. His white hair is tousled, restlessly rather than stylish, and the bags under his eyes could probably rival Lucas’s own. He looks like a ghost in the navy backdrop of the night, threadbare and flickering. The sight of him almost makes Lucas feel bad.

He shakes the feeling off and asks, “What the hell are you doing here?”

Sander shrugs. “I drove,” he says simply, as if that’s in any way what Lucas meant.

“You drove,” Lucas repeats. “Let me rephrase. Why are you here, Sander?”

Lucas supposes there’s only one possible reason, but he no longer feels sure. He doesn’t know what to expect from Sander, anymore. He isn’t even sure where they stand. Despite the messages Sander has been sending him constantly that he’s ignored, he’s been considering himself forgotten. He assumed instantly that Robbe would be more important, and he’s still fairly sure.

Sander takes a breath and gazes at him steadily. “I’m here to apologise.” Lucas opens his mouth and Sander holds up a hand. “Before you shut me down, that’s it. I’m here to apologise, nothing more, nothing less. I’m not here because I expect you to forgive me. But you deserve an apology.”

Lucas hesitates. Then he crosses his arms over his chest and nods once.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it,” Sander says. “I know that, but I could never think of anything else to say. But then I realised that, at the very least, I should have always told you the truth.” Sander takes another breath. “And the truth is that I love you, Luc.”

Lucas blinks.

Sander smiles at him. It’s small, but it isn’t sad. It’s sincere, and achingly familiar. Lucas would know exactly what it looks like without being able to see it, just from the tone of Sander’s voice. Everything about him is familiar. The crinkle of his eyes is something Lucas could picture just as easily, one shut slightly more than the other. He knows that droop is still there, without having to look, like he knows the same little scar will be.

He knows Sander off by heart, without having to see. He didn’t realise he was unaware of those words without hearing them.

“I love you,” Sander repeats, “and I really don’t want to lose you. It is the last fucking thing I’ve ever wanted.”

Lucas’s lips part. Then close again. This is not what he’d expected, but he hadn’t expected Sander at all. Not just here tonight, but ever. Sander had sailed into Lucas’s life on a Bowie record with his camera around his neck and a sparkle in him that Lucas has never witnessed in anyone else. He’s known, since seeing it for the first time, that it’s something he shouldn’t let go of easily. He knows, in the same way as he recognises everything else, that the spark is still present.

But it feels sharp and dangerous, now, instead of bright and warm. Lucas wants to shy away from the light instead of be drawn towards it.

“What about Robbe?”

Sander pauses, like he doesn’t know what Lucas means, and then realisation settles. “I haven’t lost Robbe,” Sander admits, watching Lucas’s expression. “The opposite, in fact.”

Lucas can appreciate the honesty, even though it stings. It isn’t surprising. He swallows thickly. “Guess it worked out after all, then.”

“No,” Sander denies immediately, shaking his head. “It didn’t. Not if it cost me you.”

Sander’s eyes are glimmering, and it has nothing to do with his spark. Lucas recognises the sight of tears gathering behind eyelids. It’s embarrassing, how much it pains him even now. It’s pathetic how much he wants to believe him.

“Why should I believe that?” Lucas whispers.

“Because you want to,” Sander says, equally soft. He takes a small step closer, but still doesn’t cross the threshold. His hands are shaking from nerves or the cold. “I know you do because I know you, Luc. That’s how I know how much I messed up, and that’s why I was so surprised when you told me about Jens. Because ever since I’ve known you, I’ve known you. We were always on the same wavelength. I didn’t realise how much I disrupted that, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. But I can at least make sure you do.”

Lucas rubs his nose in an attempt not to sniffle, even though he could probably brush it off as the chill, too. “What?”

“You know I talked to Kes. I know you’re blaming yourself way more than you should, and I’m sorry that I caused that. I’m sorry that I pushed you back there. That’s what I’m here to apologise for.” He licks his lips, shaking his head, in another gesture that Lucas is too familiar with. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I can still fix things for you, even if I can’t fix us.”

“What?” Lucas repeats. “What do you mean?”

Sander steps aside, and then Jens is taking his place.

It’s only then that Lucas notices Robbe standing off to the side, as well, as Sander steps back into his arms. But it’s Jens that comes out of nowhere and makes himself the center of Lucas’s focus. He looks exactly the same as Lucas remembers, but Lucas isn’t sure what else he expected. Jens is as stunning as usual, just tired. There are shadows cast over his face, under his eyes and in the downturn of his lips, but it doesn’t change him. The difference, Lucas thinks, is that the last time he’d seen him, Jens was furious. Made up of jagged edges and barbed-wire words. The Jens in front of him now is the familiar version, too, the one that’s all sharpened soft lines and warmth, exuding calm despite the layer of nerves laced underneath.

The Jens in front of him now is in front of him. He’s here, with Lucas. He’s here, in Utrecht.

He’s smiling.

Lucas stares and barely manages to say, “What the fuck?”

Jens’s smile twitches, but in the direction of more-amused rather than less. He sweeps his gaze over Lucas. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen you look like shit.”

Lucas resists the urge to look down at himself. He knows he looks a mess. The sleeves of his hoodie are fraying and his sweatpants are too big, but they’re the most comfortable clothing he owns. He probably looks more tired than Jens, or at least less put together. His hair hasn’t been touched in days and very possibly resembles something nest-like.

He watches as Jens sweeps his gaze over him again, lingering on all the features of his face and softening. “But you still don’t, really,” Jens sighs.

Lucas isn’t sure what to say to that, or if he should say anything at all. He isn’t sure of anything at the moment, but he definitely can’t figure out why Jens is here.

“I’m sorry,” they say simultaneously.

It surprises Lucas. He opens his mouth to continue, to immediately deny, but Jens holds up a hand.

“Please, this time, let me,” Jens requests, and it’s so gentle that Lucas can only shut up and stare. “You don’t have to do any more explaining. I know I was wrong, or at least too hard on you.” Jens blows out a breath, smiling crookedly. “I think I was an asshole, actually.”

Lucas shakes his head. “You had every right to say what you did. I probably deserved worse.”

“You don’t,” Jens insists. Lucas’s heart stops when Jens also takes his hands. Jens himself seems surprised at the gesture, looking down at where they touch. He rubs his thumbs over Lucas’s knuckles while gathering more words, then looks up again. “I’m not going to apologise for being hurt. But I will for not believing you.”

“But...you were right. The whole time, I—“

“Was more honest with me than most people have ever been,” Jens cuts him off.

Lucas can only blink, helplessly hopeful.

“I know,” Jens starts. Pauses. Tries again. “I know that even if there was this one lie, or secret, or whatever you want to call it, that what we have—that was real. It is real. And I’m sorry, for being an asshole and ever suggesting otherwise.”

“Jens,” Lucas whispers. Then he can’t think of anything else.

“I know,” Jens reiterates gently. He steps closer, like Sander, and also doesn’t cross the threshold. But he comes close, toes brushing the line. Close enough that he can lean his forehead against Lucas’s while squeezing his hands. “I don’t need you to explain, or say sorry, or do anything else. I know, Lucas.”

Lucas lets out a breath, and finally lets something go. He’s been holding it for over a month, and with the weight and pressure gone, he almost feels like he’s floating. Jens’s hands are the only thing keeping him tethered.

This time, he thinks to ask.

“Does this mean I can kiss you again?”

Jens’s grin is blindingly beautiful, and he leans into Lucas without another word of explanation needed between them. It’s enough to let their lips meet and reassure each other that they know. This kiss is both softer and surer than their first, and comes as even more of a relief. Instead of floating, Lucas sinks, melting into Jens to the point he’s sure they’ll dissolve into one.

Even then, they press closer still. Jens slides his hands around Lucas’s waist and draws him into his chest, tucking them together in a tight embrace. Lucas buries his head in Jens’s neck and clutches on just as tightly, breathing Jens in and letting himself be swayed slightly.

He soaks up as much surety as he needs, and then he pulls back. Jens lets him go without question, still knowing, stepping out of the way to let Lucas come out into the night and extend his arms further.

There’s no hesitation in either of them as Lucas pulls Sander into a hug and holds on for dear life. Sander reciprocates with just as much force, almost crushing Lucas to his chest as he lets out a choked laugh of pure relief. Lucas squeezes him as tightly as he can, meeting Robbe’s glistening smile over Sander’s shoulder and feeling his own eyes water.

“I love you, too,” he breathes. “I’m sorry, too.”

Sander sniffs, and this time Lucas laughs, but keeps holding on and letting them both hide their tears. “Okay. No need to get all sappy about it,” Sander mumbles.

Lucas simply squeezes him tighter. There’s nothing he knows better than this.

“I don’t know what you did,” he tells Sander. “But thank you.”

“Don’t,” Sander dismisses. “You know I’d do anything for you, Luc.”

“If I’m being totally honest,” Jens pipes up from their side. “This utterly disgusting display of emotions would’ve probably worked better on Robbe and I the whole time. You guys were shit boyfriends.”

Lucas and Sander both laugh, and then Lucas extends an arm out and pulls Jens into their hug. Jens stumbles in surprise, but attaches himself to Lucas without fuss and draws Robbe along with him. Once they’ve created a bigger bubble, Lucas presses a kiss to Jens’s cheek and aims for a reassuring tone. “I promise we’re much better at it in the right circumstances.”

Robbe immediately hums in agreement. Lucas can’t even see him, smothered between Sander and Jens across from himself, but he feels the movement of Sander’s body as Robbe hugs him closer. “I believe that.”

“I might need a little convincing,” Jens says, snippy. Lucas scoffs and pinches his side. Jens flinches away with a yelp. “See, mine is faulty,” he complains.

Lucas removes himself from the huddle and blinks. “Yours?”

Jens turns with him, keeping a hand knotted in Lucas’s hoodie, and simply raises his brows. His nerves are betrayed when tries to reinforce his statement by making a joke. “The whole world-wide-web already seems to think so,” he says lightly.

It only has the effect of making Lucas’s face fall.

“Don’t,” Jens says, stepping closer to him again and cupping his cheek. “Sorry, that was stupid. I’m not mad.”

“But are you okay?” Lucas asks carefully.

Jens considers this, then shrugs. He presses a kiss to Lucas’s forehead, then keeps his lips there, brushing over the skin as he speaks. “Depends,” he settles on, carding a hand through Lucas’s hair. “Are they right?”

By way of answer, Lucas leans up and kisses him again.

Jens accepts it for a moment, then pulls away and bumps his freezing nose against Lucas’s. “A good boyfriend would probably invite their partner inside before they freeze their balls off.”

Lucas snorts, but immediately steps back through the door and pulls Jens with him, beckoning Sander and Robbe in after them and finally enclosing them in heat.

“Wait,” Sander says. “Where’s your mom?”

“Listening to everything in the sitting room,” Lucas nods his head. When Sander and Jens both freeze, wide-eyed, he lets out a laugh. “No, she’s staying at her sister’s like she does every weekend.”

Robbe shoots him an amused look as Sander and Jens both relax. Lucas looks between the three of them. “Did you even bring anything with you? Any of you?”

They all look at each other, and then Robbe says, “Uhh.”

Lucas closes his eyes and takes a breath, but he can’t wipe the smile off his face. “I can’t believe any of you.”

“Yes you can,” Sander dismisses. “And you love it. And we love you.”

Lucas flushes, and Robbe smiles at him and winds his arms around Sander’s shoulders, pressing a soothing kiss to his cheek. “Okay, I think you’ve made your point, hm? How about we get out of their way, now?”

“You can stay where you always do,” Lucas tells Sander. “Mom always has it ready for you, I think.”

Sander turns soft and gooey again, and wraps Lucas in another tight hug. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay,” Lucas assures, rubbing his back. “I was getting tired of being pissed, anyway.”

Sander snorts. “Lucky me.”

Lucas hums and then pushes him back towards Robbe. He lets his lips twitch up in a smile and raises his brows. “You‘ll have to share the bed, though, so I hope that’s okay.”

Robbe blushes slightly, but nods at Sander’s curious look.

Jens snorts. “Yeah, as if Robbe was going to complain.”

Robbe reaches up and smacks Jens’s cheek lightly, and Sander tucks him into his side before a full scuffle can ensue. With another thanks, Sander begins guiding Robbe away, and is only stopped by Jens saying, “Hey.” They both turn back to him, Sander curious and Robbe expectant.

Jens holds his hand out to Sander. After only a few seconds of hesitation, Sander takes it in his own and responds to Jens’s squeeze. “Thanks. For being a good friend to us, too.”

Sander’s lips curl in a smile, and he nods. Lucas watches the exchange with an overwhelming feeling of relief.

Then Sander and Robbe go, giggling on their way up Lucas’s stairs, and Lucas is left with Jens. Some of the panic returns. He does his best to stamp it down, swallowing before turning to Jens.

Jens smiles at him. “Hi,” he says quietly.

“Hey,” Lucas returns. “Are you hungry, or anything?”

Jens shakes his head, coming closer slowly, drawing Lucas into him with a little more hesitance than before. Lucas leans into him and kisses his neck in an attempt to soothe the worries away, relishing in the fact that he can, that he has Jens here and is finally allowed to act how he wants. That Jens is allowing him.

“I just wanna be with you,” Jens admits. “Can we talk about everything else tomorrow?”

Lucas swallows. “Okay,” he whispers. “Do you want to—I mean, I can sleep in my mom’s room and you—“

“Lucas,” Jens cuts him off, huffing slightly. “I just want to be with you. If that’s okay.”

“Well, you guys showed up ridiculously late, so it’d be pretty mean of me to send you away.”

“That’s true.”

“Was that the plan?”

“Maybe. Maybe we just couldn’t wait any more.” Jens kisses his nose. “Besides, you were never going to turn us away. You missed me, too. Can’t deny it, I have all your messages.”

“I can still kick you out if—“

Jens shuts him up with another kiss. Lucas doesn’t want to argue anymore, anyway, because they both know Jens is right.

~^~

tag list: @allthewayornowayy @wedarkacademia @lockerfivethreefive @yellowballoon @gucciboner @nora-keinwitz @moonskam @painfully-oblivious @zoenneforever @akucecilia @hischbabe @evaksobbe @alittleemo @boring-side-effect @franboos @debussyatmidnight @skam-wtfock-sobbe

next chapter

[jenomark]

The tells NCT have when they’re really upset and how you think they want to be kinda calmed down from tears or anger when stressed?

+ This whole thing is made of pure assumptions only! I did base things off of what I’ve witnessed as a fan, as well as what my opinions are surrounding those things. Please don’t take any of this seriously. This is not meant to be taken as the truth.

Taeil: I’ve noticed that he avoids the looks of other people when he’s upset. I personally think it’s because he feels embarrassed, but who really knows. In my opinion, I don’t think he wants anyone to see him being vulnerable. I think he’s the type of person that needs his friends and family to calm him down, and to make him feel better.

Johnny: I’ve never seen him have a lot of negative emotions, but I imagine his face is really blank when he is. He might raise his eyebrows a little, but the rest of his face will be so stone cold. To calm down, I think he would need a sincere apology. For Johnny, a mutual respect is important.

Taeyong: His eyes are very expressive. When he feels emotions, they get very watery, kind of like a cartoon character. When he’s upset, it’s not much different. Also, when he gets upset, I’ve noticed that he talks a lot. I think distractions would calm him down, but they would have to be his chosen distractions.

Yuta: Since his face naturally looks upset sometimes, it’s hard to tell when he’s really upset. We don’t see it as often because he brushes off his feelings a lot. I kind of feel like he might appear as if he’s bursting to say something, and that is how they know he’s upset. To calm him down, I think he would need to talk it out.

Kun: As much as he might put his feelings aside, he gets visually upset if something really bothers him. Kun’s patience really helps him in this area, because I think it takes quite a bit to truly piss him off. He does joke around a lot when things aren’t in his favor (or fair), but I think it’s part of his humor. To calm him down, he would need to be alone and surrounded by things that make him happy.

Doyoung: You can tell he’s upset immediately, because he can’t hide the annoyed look on his face. He kind of has that eye-narrowing thing going on for him. To calm down, he just needs to feel like he’s being understood. Not taking the time out to understand Doyoung is like poking a bear with a stick.

Ten: When he gets annoyed, he looks to other people to see if they agree with him. Ten kind of always has that “Can you believe this shit?” look on his face that only comes with people who aren’t aware of their own behavior. To calm down, I think he just really needs to complain to someone.

Jaehyun: I think he gets bent out of shape easily. Jaehyun hides it well, so we don’t see it often. When I think about him being upset, I imagine him as someone that stays consistently annoyed. I think he calms down through a little aggression, probably working out, or something where he is in control. 

WinWin: The face he makes when he’s angry or irritated is so different than his normal, happy face. I feel like, when WinWin does show he’s upset,  everyone in the nearby vicinity is able to feel it. I think avoiding him is probably best in this situation, so that he can calm himself down with his games.

Jungwoo: He cries a lot, but I mostly see him cry because he’s happy, or nervous. During that time, I know he doesn’t like to be bothered by too many people, because it makes him more upset. People like that tend to always feel like their feelings aren’t valid. When he’s upset (irritated/annoyed), I see the way he watches people. It’s kind of like he’s trying to figure out why they’re like that.

Lucas: I’ve never seen him visibly upset. The closest I’ve come to any emotions beyond happy or sad, is seeing that video of him being upset at the price of groceries. However, I don’t see that as a real example, because I don’t think that was an accurate display. In my opinion, I think Lucas’ tells are harder to find. I don’t think he’s down for starting the conversation, but I definitely think he’s a talker.

Mark: When he’s upset, I feel like he can’t leave things alone. To me, he seems the type that needs to let someone know that he’s upset with them (while expecting them to know  exactly why). Honestly, calming Mark down when he’s angry is probably difficult. I feel like he carries a lot of feelings with him, feeling each one until they eat away at him.

Xiaojun: He gets visibly annoyed a lot. I haven’t seen him seriously upset, but he’s annoyed by anyone doing something he doesn’t like. He’s definitely the type to let someone know when he isn’t pleased. I don’t think there is any way of chilling him out when he’s like that, because I don’t think people take him seriously.

Hendery: He doesn’t like people who are disrespectful of his space, of his whole being. I can see the irritation on his face when fans crowd him too much. I think he struggles a lot with feeling grateful for people, and also wanting to speak out about how those people are mistreating him. To calm down, I think he just needs people to know where he’s coming from, to listen and learn.

Renjun: I think he acts irrationally, at first. He might be a little whiny, a little loud if he feels like his point isn’t getting the reaction he wants. I think he might be the type to storm out and come back as if he was never mad in the first place. To calm him down, I think he’s one of those people who appreciate a sincere apology in his favor.

Jeno: According to the Dreamies, he cries when he’s angry. I feel like you would be able to sense his feelings before the watery eyes, though. He probably wears his emotions on his body and expresses them through his arms and legs. To calm down, it doesn’t take him much. He just needs a moment to recollect himself.

Haechan: He gets annoyed when people don’t do what he wants, or people take his intentions too seriously. He is very good at pushing people, because he doesn’t know how to deal with things, and he doesn’t want to look like a weak fool. With him, he doesn’t know how far is too far. I think he gets frustrated by how misunderstood he feels, as well. Like Mark, I think he also can’t leave things alone, but he’s more of an aggressor in that situation.  To calm him down, he needs to either be put in his place in a way he understands, or he needs to eventually come to the conclusion on his own (which he will). 

Jaemin: I think his anger ends up turning into a life lesson for himself quite quickly. I think he wants to come from a place of being visibly upset, but I think Jaemin catches himself, and his feelings come out a little too cold. I think he deals with his feelings in ways that he finds practical and useful. He won’t explode unless someone just isn’t getting the point. He handles things very seriously and maturely. 

YangYang: I feel like it’s probably hard to make him upset. Similar to Hendery, I think he doesn’t like being disrespected. I think he gives people too many chances with his emotions. I think his anger is more emotional on the inside, which is how I think he might differ from Hendery. Where Hendery is more outwardly annoyed, YangYang keeps his feelings on the inside, and I think they chip away at him a bit. To calm him down, I think he requires both tough love and a softer touch.

Chenle: Maybe his hurt feelings come from not being appreciated enough. I think, with him, his kindness is so selfless that he expects others to be similar. I think his face looks upset, but he’s the type to deny anything is wrong. He’ll always have the happy face for the benefit of others. To calm him down, I think he looks for people who hold the same values as him. A love of good people, in my opinion, keeps him going.

Jisung: When I think of him being upset, I think he can be unexpectedly verbal. He might not say the right things, but I think he tries to defend himself as best as he can. He’s definitely having conversations with himself just to find the right words to say to confront someone. For him, I think the telltale signs of him being angry are the way he reacts to the person who made him upset. To calm him, he needs to say what he needs to say, and no one can mock him during his peace. 

[ofphcenixes]

BLUE & LIBBY - text thread 001

texts from 3:55pm to 7:01pm

blue

hey lib. (: havent talked today. just wanted to drop in and see if u were doin alright i have memes if u need them

libby

i mean, technically we did talk. i reminded you of the moment the world stood still: when valentine and you made contact (1) time. are you okay though? you seem a little, weird

blue

i maintain that valentine was an alien in a spider suit that wanted to destroy me but u know what I mean djdjdjd just chats between us. the gc has been a june holden fest lately lmao hope it works out for them tho anyways i am always weird in ur eyes djdjhd. but im fine. shit was crazy that night and we never really got to talk about what happenedand if u wanted to talk i just want u to kno im here ABOUT NADIA bc yeah kdjdjjd

libby

don't talk to me or my son ever again yeah, wow, okay so holden stayed over the night. i only know that because i saw his stuff in her room? i think she mentioned that like, it was a one time thing but i feel like... he might be coming over again which.. is Interesting oh. yeah, no i think i'm okay. i guess just in shock. june is very broken up over it, so i'm doing my best to be a good pal, and bring loads of ice cream and kisses. /: do you wanna talk? about nadia? i know that she like, meant something to you

blue

ok good luck getting me to stop talkin to u but as for valentine? bye Felecia! is that right. hmm well he doesn’t seem like much is goin on so maybe they were just,, hanging out. bringing a bag over is pretty damning tho. and if he does come over and u see him tell that bih he owes me $ bc he ate my fucking chorizo salad ): r u proud lib?? I ate a salad by choice well I would have if Holden wasn’t a lil birch bitch DONT CENSOR ME fuck. im sorry. ): i actually wanted to see june today tbh. but if u need anyone pls let me know alright? id skip practice if u needed me, lib WELL. i mean ok i was sorta close with her in middle school and she’s always been a friend and I just. I’m just fucking numb tbh. I really can’t believe it

libby

i'll have you know that valentine died shortly after my 18th birthday so ): idk idk, why would they hang out in her room if they were "hanging out"? like they have history. i feel like thats, a little too ... suspicious given the context. in a good way though. like i hope it works out theyre both so miserable without each other. oh my god!! look at you go! so proud of you, dude! ( even if you never got to it lmao ) no, no, it's okay. june needs all the support she can get, and i don't wanna impede. i'm really fine, i just sort of need to accept it and i guess reflect on how terrible it is. she was a really sweet person and fuck i really cant believe any of it i guess

blue

fuck what kdjdjdnd I thought valentine just yeeted shit that’s not a good way to put it fuck but. im sorry lib ): ok I take it back Valentine was alright. still scared the fuck out of me tho all i know is that if i loved someone as much as holden loves june, i wouldn’t let you go **THEM fuck Damn phone Typos Djdjhdi can’t believe u make me eat green stuff its truly CRUEL whomst? I only know nadia just didn’t fucking deserve any of this. shit even daisey didn’t. i just want to protect everyone and i don’t know HOW it goes without saying that im happy to be ur uber driver for the indefinite future

libby

no omg, i took good care of my boy. idk what happened, they can live up to like 15 years so i was pretty bummed tbh. i was a bad mom he appreciates your support from the grave though i mean, i guess. but not everyone you love is going to love you back, i think that's where holden's at. not everyone wants to be clung to, and june seems reluctant besides, you know all about that. holden, the love of your life, loves june. how sad it's good for you!!! i'm helping i ... feel so badly for both of them. i can't imagine how their families must be feeling, fuck. i hate this. i'm moving to spain ah, dude you don't have to do all that. you probably are busy with practice, and holden, and work. thank you tho

blue

im sure ur a great mother. ): but still valentine was lucky to have u. and im sure he misses u in his weird spider heaven web of flies and whatever it is spiders like idk ill dm peter parker and find out i mean... guess that’s true. I suppose I dont get to see how june feels most of the time. i just wish they’d talk about it and sort it out at least. they both deserve to be happy holden is the loml that is true aksjjsjd. holden has enough room for both me and june in his heart. so i mean technically i can love someone else too?? but enough about that lmfao you definitely are helping. even coach has noticed dkdjd. making me better without even trying u can’t move without me who’s gonna get me free popcorn ): you’re just as important as practise and holden to me, lib.

libby

god, i miss him. you think the girls would be mad if i bought another one? like, to keep in my room.  i know! they're both obviously still in love, you can tell. i can't wait for them to overcome this and get to be together. also, im grateful for the amount of sleep i'm able to get now that... the room next to mine is less loud welp, i hope you find someone who is willing to share you with holden lol oMG, REALLY? IDK WHY THAT MADE ME IRRATIONALLY HAPPY LOL. WE CAN GET SALAD LATER let's go, we'll go to spain and take on a new identity. we can live along the coast and work in a bakery or something. get a puppy don't show holden that text he might cry. but dsjflk thank you, you're very important to me too. kinda my best pal

blue

u would have to ask. but if you did get another what would u call it? thanksgiving? funnily enough valentine is only a few weeks away. a sign?? i mean fuck ive known holden for years and can confirm he is happiest when he’s with june. when she’s not roasting him at least lmfao. and if my MasterPlan works im afraid things will get bad again djdjdj. I can take one for the team and try to get them to come over here tho - u don’t need to deal with that shit i hope i do too tbh. and who would I want it to be u ask? that’s right. danny devito. LETS NOT GET TOO CRAZY IVE ALREADY HAD THREE VEGETABLES THIS WERK AND ITS ONLY TUESDAY. I think it’s popcorn time 8) bold of u to assume i know where Spain is dkdjdjdjdj well he’s gonna catch on soon enough we spend every day together at this point lol

libby

i was gonna name this one patrick, after st patricks day actually lol. yes you know what's also approaching that is more important? your birthday! i know, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure that out. he's v much a relationship kinda dude, actually bc he's also kinda slutty lol. but even june is sad and its just, SO HARD. i hate when people are clearly, happiest together are like, nO IM GOING TO PROLONG THE MISERY. i feel like we're in a rom-com. how do we get them back together? i'll let him know. my v-day gift from me to you oooo, should i get the skittles ready too then? popcorn is kinda of a veggie if you think abt it omg, okay well now you can't come with me. offer rescinded. im going with the hot cop lslsfkjdjkldfs i mean its not like we're doing anything weird, so its okay, right?

blue

ur so cute wtf. although if u did do this i hope u know im calling him patrick star. also how the fuck do u tell if its a female or a male spider theyre so small and gross. fuck it is too lol. i dont have any money so im gonna let ppl down on the party front lmao. ud still come tho, right? how can he be both slutty and relationshippy. like not to be weird bc i know hes ur cousin and all dkfjgg but he doesnt.. have people over anymore. unless hes someone learned not to stomp around the house WHICH I DONT BELIEVE. and ha hA im already on plan 384 to get them back together get on my level lmao.  we just gotta force them to spend time together tbh. does that mean i have to give u the hot cop for valentines bc i mean. i would if that's what u wanted but im sure u can do much better than him OH FUCK UR RIGHT OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A LIE TO CONVERT ME TO VEGGIES HASNT IT r u breaking up with me? well fine, ill take the dog ): it's... it's not weird unless we make it weird. and we haven't. have we?

libby

fdsjfjdsl shhhhh, back at you. Patrick Star will be his full name, i promise you this much. as for gender idfk, i am honestly assuming its pronouns lol. i'd be sued by the LGBT community if they knew. also dude, of course. i'll make you cupcakes. plus i know what i wanna buy you! i  can't wait dude what? really?? i thought he was seeing people this whole time, holy shit. dude he's really messed up over this huh? wow, okay, we need to kick this into high gear and have them get back together. tell me your plans. omg, no you clown. i don't even like him that much, he's just pretty. i do like... some personality and he has 0 GOD MY PLAN HAS BEEN FOILED. I CANT BELIEVE IT like i'd ever let you take the dog. she's mine sdfjlkdsfjlk iDK DUDE. I MAY HAVE MADE IT WEIRD BUT WE'RE BAD AT TALKING ABT STUFF, SO WE DONT HAVE TO LOL.

blue

do spiders even have gender i thought they were just the minions of evil lmfao lib u rly dont have to get me anything, really. altho now im curious tbh. but get ready for me to get a lit gift in june >:) ill even wrap it myself which says a lot bc i cant wrap for shit but i want it to be personal lmao not many that im aware of atm. will give u info is this changes. huh we r spies lib. >:) but i dont have any current plans except trying to force them to go in a photo booth together or something when we eventually go to the arcade djsjdh omg how did u know. but idk everyone speaks about him like hes gOD he’s just a dude. eyebrows on fleek tho I will say that IM SO HURT UD USE ME LIKE THIS LIB. ALL THIS TIME WE WERE GETTING CLOSE AND U WERE ONLY HERE FOR THE VEGGIES so u get Spain AND the dog. what do I get, sadness ???? you haven’t made it weird lib, i promise. not to me, anyway. maybe we both wanted the same thing. maybe. oR MAYBE NOT LMFAO but yeah we can talk about whatever lol

libby

don't talk about nate like that omg! i want to, plus its a surprise so no asking what it is. also wow i cant believe you remember my birthday, lol. you dont have to get me anything. you can buy me an ice cream though oh my gOD THAT'S BRILLIANT! aw, what if they take one of those cute kiss pictures in the photobooth like in the movies? i can't wait for them to love each other again, they're so cute. are you jealous that no one is talking about your eyebrows? you have nice eyebrows and nothing to be jealous abt GOD, IM SO SORRY. ROY HIRED ME. HE WAS WORRIED ABT YOUR HEALTH. IM SORRY YOU HAD TO FIND OUT THIS WAY. I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WOULD /: you get the memory of what we were to keep you warm right, cool. noted

blue

why do u talk about the string bean all the time i know u grew up with him but seriously he's like a pale pipe cleaner that i dont need in my life ofc i remeber ur birthday lib. dont u remember ur 10th?? probably the best day of my life lmao. and if u get me something i get u something thats how this works as long as june doesnt say anything mean and holden say anything stupid, its a pretty solid plan tbh. im not jealous HOW DARE ROY PLAY ME LIKE THIS. cant believe u betrayed me lib, after all we've been through ;-; but what if i want something to sell off now that u took the house oh fuck lib i didn't mean it like that. just... pretend i said nothing ok and. yeah talk about something else

libby

hey sorry, i gotta go. talk tomorrow.

blue

oh is everything ok? but alright talk tomorrow then i guess bye lib

libby

night

blue

its 6pm lib but okay night

blue

lib if i did something u dont have to tell me but pls know i didnt mean it, whatever it was. i hope youre okay. but i wont bother u again i promise. just. yeah

libby

it's okay, dude. i'm fine. it's honestly my own fault, it's not you. you're always great. i'm sorry. it's fine

blue

i dont understand what ur talking about but i can tell u dont want to so ill just... leave this. but you're always great too lib. the greatest, in fact. just let me know if ur still coming to the arcade later or not yeah

libby

i guess i'll go. i like pacman.

blue

if u... if u change ur mind i understand. but i really hope u can make it.