#which HE IS but he's also selfish and insecure and emotionally dysfunctional and doesn't think abt how his actions affect other people

[br1ghtestlight]

im allowed to infantalize my own characters btw thats how it works. but you aren't allowed to do that

[itspileofgoodthings]

talk to me about Coach and Tim pls. what are their commonalities. tell the people

WHAT A QUESTION AND A THING TO CONSIDER

I feel like we've been talking about this for a week now and I've said most of this over chat at this point bUT.

I really think the most essential commonality is the thing embodied by Tom from Big Little Lies that we talked about so much during the visit. And that is the quality (so powerful in men) of staying in their own lane but somehow still being able to be aware of and responsive to people outside of the lane and being a source of stability and comfort and help for them when possible. Coach and Tim almost more than anyone else on the show are just DOING THEIR OWN THING in a very center way (in a way that Smash or Matt aren't for example, which is not really a criticism so much as a fact, we all have different functions) but that doesn't mean they're cut off from the rest of humanity!! They help the MOST by staying in their own lane. And obviously Tim is a lot more damaged and dysfunctional than Coach and so he makes some really big mistakes but fundamentally there is the same kind of security and respect that make them such essential people for the community in which they both live.

Coach has the dryness (and also the functionality and the temperament) to not be someone who empties himself out for other people. Helping people, directing them, pulling them back from the edge of stupidity IS very much part of his ethos, you could call it a central function of his mission, but it still comes out of the fact that he's so focused on HIS life, that he has this grounding and precious and personal life that is his actual center. He is never running around helping people because he's trying to fill a hole inside of him. In fact, people come TO him. People are always showing up at his door to ask him for help or guidance etc. Him having to get out of bed where he is comfortably talking to Tami to answer the door is such a great microcosm of the way he lives his life.

Tim's way of doing this looks different (he shows up at people's doors not the other way around!) but the impulse is the same. He isn't nearly as functional as Coach and doesn't have the same supports but there's the same willingness to help people that doesn't just come from his own wounds. And yes, Tim IS hurt and he has self-esteem issues for sure but his charity and his kindness and the way he uses people's names and really sees them -- whether that's telling Lyla to go to her cheer competition or yelling at JV players who can't get it together, as I say: actually a way of loving kids that age, or going to Landry's concert-- doesn't come from the way he's hurt. It comes from something very deep inside of him, the certainty of knowing that this is how he wants to live his life even when he's also a drunken, broken mess. Despite his issues, he doesn't have the kind of insecurity that leads to selfishness and that is inherently tied up with pride. He and Coach are the same way that way. They're both so beautifully centered and loving and secure and they care about helping people.

As for their differences. I really think it's about them being parallels and inverses and reflections of the other with everything I said above being the core similarity.

Coach can get angry and Tim kind of can't. Or never does. Some of that is his conviction that he is always the wrong one, the dumb one --as you always say, there is a worshipful quality to the way he treats some people (esp. Jason and Lyla) whereas Coach doesn't really have that quality at all even when he has his heart in his eyes--but mostly. Tim IS the soft one and Coach isn't. They're both funny but Coach has so much snap and crackle and bite whereas Tim is dry and mellow. They're both incredibly emotionally intelligent and sensitive, especially in the way they rESPOND to people, but Coach has the resources and education and support to put it into words and do it in a healthy way and Tim doesn't always which is why it comes out in strange or funny or surprising ways.

And all of this is why their relationship is so compelling and interesting because their similarities and their circumstances almost prevent a relationship from being possible. Almost. They do have one but it pushes both of them past the relational paradigms they're used to. Tim has nothing to GIVE Coach because he's not a broken or needy man so Tim doesn't have anywhere to put all his big, silent generosity (except on the field!!! that's why he'll play for Coach with a hurt shoulder and be so amazing) and Coach who can give so MUCH can't give it to Tim because he won't ask for anything. That's really beautiful because Coach helps Tim (when he can) the way that Tim helps everyone!!! By seeking him out intentionally. Coach sees him and sees his struggles and knows that he can't help him the way he can help most boys: yell at them, tell them the cold hard truth, challenge them to be better, but he can help sometimes by making the first move. Telling Tim that the accident wasn't his fault is such a beautiful example of this! But it isn’t usually a constant thing, it’s only as the opportunities present themselves. In a core way Coach can't be what Tim needs and he knows that. And he respects the way Tim stays in his lane (from one lane-dwelling man to another!) and knows he can't force a confidence or force Tim to accept his help.

So yeah. Coach is just always watching him and taking care of him from afar, with a watchful kind of love, and Tim is watching him and learning from him too even though he knows Coach can't be a central, central figure in his life for the reasons stated above. They’re very aware of each other, even as their lives are like two powerful rivers moving in the same direction but too much their own entity to mingle. Which is why their moments are very precious.

and yeah. iT'S A LOT FOR ME (AND US) TO HANDLE.