#whether or not it’s true doesn’t even matter either because it’s all real to stanley like. THIS IS HIS LIFE. THE PEOPLE HE KNEW ARE GONE

[squuote]

MORE EXTREMELY GOOD TAGS

I do think about how unnerving the office must be being so empty. Like I know it’s a very obvious n noticeable thing in the game but specifically I think about the instant silence that occurred after everyone just vanishes. And how pieces of them are still present at their desks and all around the office. How it goes from distant talking and sounds of typing and bustling movement to just nothing. nothing except for stanley. how long do you think it took for him to notice the silence?

[bulldogedition]

Hold the cue cards! The Eagle has landed!

As America quietly--and we mean quietly--marked the 50th anniversary of the moon landing this week, TIME magazine decided to use nostalgia for its cover story on the topic.. Back when the moon was the hot location to get to, when John Kennedy's promise of landing a man  on the moon during the 60s ended with Richard Nixon's Administration celebrating it, and back when they were relevant as a weekly, they featured a 'race to the moon!' article a few months prior to the famed event..

This year on the 50th, they are placed a "next space race" re-do with SPACE X as the main racer.. Business taking over!!

Things have changed since then, obviously.. The ole-timers who lived through this event tell me that the world stopped in its tracks to watch coverage on TV of the moon landing.. The wiser elders of today inform me of the emotions of that time, the amazement and bewilderment so many had as they watched history being made in real time.. on TV sets--a new medium for so many in that era..

Even the  Brits did it their way across the pond.

BBC mounted programming to celebrate the great event. One of the shows featured a live jam by Pink Floyd. The program was a one-hour BBC1 TV Omnibus special with the whimsical title of So What If It’s Just Green Cheese?. It was broadcast on July 20, 1969, at 10 p.m.. The Floyd session eventually came to be called “Moonhead.”

TV GUIDE issued a cover story at the time cementing history: As major a worldwide television event as you can get.. Broadcast live not from our planet but from a satellite of it, the moon..

Children across America watched one small step for man became the giant leap for mankind, and turned to space .. they wanted to be astronauts when they grew up. Neil Armstrong became an American hero--looked up to by countless around the planet..

It was America's moment, the shining example of how WE could make it.. how WE could strive for more.. how WE could get to the moon and maybe one day beyond.

MALAISE DAYS

That brief but albeit amazing American moment of being the first to plant an earthly flag on a desolate space dwelling wore off quickly.

About 50,000+ deaths in Vietnam, Watergate, the Manson murders in Cali, high gas prices, inflation, and other world wide events suddenly forced people into a corner where pride and patriotism was not as evident.. Where we lost our focus on leaving this planet.

Instead, we decided to stay, and fight.. and argue.. Burn bras and protest war!

There was economic turmoil and other vastly amazing and historic moments of political upheaval.. whether it was Richard Nixon resigning before impeachment, or a sweater-wearing Jimmy Carter telling the nation to conserve its energy, it all led to the Reagan Revolution.

He indeed paid for that microphone and he intended on using it..

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rd_KaF3-Bcw&w=935&h=701]

 PATRIOTISM UP IN SMOKE

President Ronald Reagan addressed the nation on January 28, 1986, hours after classrooms and media across the nation watched the Challenger explode on LIVE TV..

He called it a national loss.. He said during that broadcast, "I want to say something to the school children of America... I know it's hard to understand, but sometimes painful things like this happen. It's all part of the process of exploration and discovery. It's all part of taking a chance and expanding man's horizons. The future doesn't belong to the faint hearted. It belongs to the brave."

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa7icmqgsow&w=935&h=701]

There seemingly something about this moment that killed the dreams of space.. The malaise 70s turned into roaring decade of greed in the 80s, and somehow we trashed the notion that space mattered.

By the 1990s, a decade when miraculous and amazing discoveries were being found on Mars and other moons of Saturn, we continued just finding ourselves finding space to be the frontier not worth mentioning..

George W. Bush had a similar moment when he addressed the nation in 2003 when the Columbia exploded after mission control lost contact.. Debris fell from the skies above Texas as the Columbia was lost without survivors..

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT5ecjjXdqw&w=1218&h=685]

And now, 50 years after the moon landing moment, even the business SpaceX cannot get attention unless one of its rockets blows up on the way to the Van Allen Belt.

TAPES AND LEGACIES DESTROYED

I mentioned before the ole' timers.. those who lived through the decade of revolution.. As an 80s child, I only can contemplate the death of space exploration. .When I was just 5, I may or may not have known of the Challenger horror.. when I was growing up in the 90s, my love of space was not because of NASA exploration but instead because of my healthy diet nightly of staying awake late to listen to Art Bell expose and expand on potential alien life and UFO sightings around the world..  But my interviews of those who lived through the live stream -- the true live stream during the 60s of the event -- produce another interesting side effect of the moon landing: I am told the youth of that day were glued to TV sets, but the older Americans had disbelief in what they were seeing..

Hogwash! Man on the moon!? No way!

Perhaps this is where conspiracy theories were formed.. This could be the beginning times when people just could not believe their eyes..  It was all too perfect a story. Kennedy promised men on the moon before the end of the decade. And suddenly at the end of the decade we were going to the moon, safely on LIVE TV for the world to watch, land then leaving the moon without incident, arriving back at home.. all without injury. All without a situation. Without a disaster...

Also destroyed.. a legacy? This was reported last year:

US astronaut Buzz Aldrin is suing two of his children and his former business manager alleging they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy.

The lawsuit, which also claims they are stopping him from getting married, was filed after his children petitioned to take control of his finances.

They asked a judge to name them as his legal guardians because he is suffering from memory loss and confusion.

 HOAX OR NO

There is still a large amount of people (and actually growing if you see popular opinion polls and compare throughout time) that do not think we actually were on the moon. Some real events may not have helped the NASA defenders over the years..

Back in 2009, media reports told us that Nasa taped over its only high-resolution images of the first moon walk with electronic data from a satellite or a later manned space mission, officials said today  So the most historic event in the agency ever, and someone they managed to record something else over it to save money.. huh!?

Stories like that don't help...

Rumors like this don't help either: Stanley Kubrick's 'The Shining' was released 11 years after the first landing on the moon. In that movie, Danny Torrance - played by child actor Danny Lloyd - is seen wearing a knitted jumper with an Apollo 11 rocket on its front. In the scene where Danny first encounters Room 237, he is seen playing on carpet that it is said to resemble an aerial photograph of the launchpad of Apollo 11.. When Danny picks up the tennis ball, which is supposed to represent the hoax itself, he then enters Room 237 and comes out of it attacked and bruised. Later, in the climax of the movie, Jack Torrance - played by Jack Nicholson - screams and raves about the responsibility that's been placed on him, and that he has signed a contract to maintain the hotel and that he is responsible for holding its secrets.

The interpretation asserts that 'The Shining' was, in part, Kubrick trying to confess his role in the moon landing, from the carpets up to Jack Nicholson's crazed rants acting as Kubrick's vented frustrations.

Stanley Kubrick's daughter was forced to push back against this in 2016..

Also this.. There was a viral video that was released on the internet where Buzz Aldrin was attending the National Book Fest in Washington DC and was being interviewed by an eight-year-old girl named Zoey.

Zoey asked the astronaut: “Why has nobody been to the Moon in such a long time?”

Aldrin’s eyes grow wide in the video and he says to the little girl:

“We didn’t go there, and that’s the way it happened. And if it didn’t happen, it would be nice to know why it didn’t happen.”

Some have even claimed to see NASA being sloppy and forgetting to censor buildings appearing in moon footage..

And just on Friday night, Ground Zero with Clyde Lewis featured this as the topic for the program.. and also included a strange clip of the astronauts joking to mission control about cue cards and stage hands!!

Mission Control to Neil Armstrong: Is Buzz Holding the cue cards for you… over?

Neil Armstrong: Cue cards have a no. We have no intention of competing with the professionals believe me.

Unidentified voice: yea Ron’s getting to be known as the silent CAPCOM. (unintelligible) OK.

Buzz Aldrin: The only problem Charlie, these TV stagehands don’t know where they stand.

Mission Control: Well he doesn’t really have a union card there we really can’t complain too much I guess.

Neil Armstrong: Hey the restraints here are doing a great job of pulling my pants down.

x x x

NAZI CONNECTION

There are tons of questions that people will constantly ask about whether the moon landing REALLY happened in space or in front of TV cameraman somewhere on some elaborate set directed by Stanley Kubrick..

If you side with the conspiracy theory that the landing was a hoax, suspend your disbelief for a moment and believe.. because there is a whole other conspiracy theory/fact for your enjoyment..

Filmmaker  Aron Ranen got a grant for $65,000.. He got this grant in order to travel across the USA to interview former astronauts, mission controllers, scientists and others, in an attempt to prove that NASA actually sent men to the moon in 1969.

But instead of proving it was real, he was left with countless questions over whether it really happened.. His movie, MOONHOAX, is available for free download on YouTube and other platforms..

Along with the questions that persist whether it was real or not, Ranen asked some other question. If it was real, the set of facts that presents itself may be much more discomforting..

In the documentary, one of the Apollo mission’s few black employees reveals that the Ku Klux Klan operated openly at the Kennedy Space Center during the ’60s.

And more: A retired tracking engineer said that Nazi scientists helped the U.S. test hydrogen bombs in the South Pacific during the ’50s. This was a claim substantiated by recently declassified documents.

A former slave laborer recalls esteemed rocket scientist Wernher von Braun overseeing huge forced-labor camps in Germany during World War II (true).

And, finally, it turns out that all the basic data taped during the Apollo 11 mission has been misplaced--something confirmed in 2009 by NASA itself as we talked about earlier.

For your discernment, all the uploaded segments of MOONHOAX featuring some of the hard to stomach facts that Nazis helped the United States get to the moon, with one allegation that Neil Armstrong was the first to walk on the moon because he was a German, and Nazis assisting the US get there wanted it that way..

PUNCH DRUNK

50 years on... 50 years later. We have not really been back since....

We have been stalled here on this planet. A planet filled with war and mayhem. Instead of reaching for the stars we are just forced to continue grasping at straws that something will change..

If the moon landing really even happened to begin with.

And on that note, we will end with Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon. When he was approached about the factual matters of the moon landing several years ago, he had an interesting response..

Back in 2002, Buzz was approached by a moon landing denier.. Aldrin decided to take action..

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_YM9cCtwz4&w=1218&h=685]

It would have been the punch heard around the world.. but after decades since 1969, everyone stopped listening.

[highbuttonsports]

Made in China: Calgary Flames Past year & Future.

Made in China. We see it on everything. Don’t worry, I’m not going to bore you with the whole buy local, support home thing. Made in China had a different meaning for the Calgary Flames this year. The start of a new year, a new season, a new journey to the Stanley Cup. Anyone who has played hockey before knows that heading out on a road trip is the best time to get to know the boys, bond and hang out. Although the travel was gruelling, it was setting up to be a good start. The Flames were beginning the year with some fresh faces in the lineup this year thanks to some work by GM Brad Treliving. The additions of Noah Hanafin on the blue line, Elias Lindholm and Derek Ryan up front. Free agent signings of Austin Czarnik and James Neal, the summer sun wasn’t the only thing that was bright in Calgary. All these new faces mixed with this early road trip things were looking up after a lacklustre season in 2017-2018. 

Fast forward to October, and the dreaded home and home with the Canucks is on the docket to begin the year again. The Flames got off to a decent start at the beginning of the year. Nothing that would of gave anyone the assumption the team was going to have a record year. The talk around the town was the same as usual. Win some games, lose some games, let’s see what this team can do. Goaltending this, forwards that, nobody was happy about all the pieces together. Talk radio was riding Mike Smith’s lacklustre starts, James Neal was bouncing up and down the lineup, it was a typical October in Calgary. I remember watching a game early on against Colorado when David Rittich absolutely stood on his head and the Flames won 3-2 in OT. I said to myself at that point, and although still early, this is going to be a fun year. Boy, was I right, to an extent. October was very mediocre for the Flames, basically winning a game, losing a game, winning a game, losing a game. October 25th, 2019 was the true turning point to the season, and you can ask everyone in the city, on the team, in the media about that game. I remember sitting up high in the 200’s, hands in my face sitting there saying WTF is this. What are we watching. Why did we just pay money to be here. Thank god the Saddledome beer is like gold, because it was needed by all. An absolute thrashing from the Penguins, 9-1. The only upside, James Neal scored, one of his 7 goals on the year. You don’t hear the term rock bottom thrown around a lot, but in those post game scrums it was used more than once. It was the low of lows. I think everyone in that dressing room used that thrashing as motivation, and if you look at the season totals after that game you can see it definitely struck a nerve. The Flames started rolling. A 9-6 win over the Blue Jackets in an absolute gong show of a game, a 7-2 win over the Blues, 7-2 over the Knights, 6-3 over the Jets. It goes on and on. Night in and night out the Saddledome started to fill up even more, get louder. The buzz was finally hitting this city like you’d expect any NHL city to do night in night out. Obviously there was still many speed bumps, many obstacles and many questions to be answered throughout the year, but one thing that was for sure, is this team was for real. 

The real test was still yet to come, they still had the Christmas break and the All-Star break to get through. You know how easily that can cool off a hot team. Unfortunately it cooled the Flames off for a little bit. The true trying time was after the All-Star break followed by the mandatory 5 days off. Sure it was great for some ailing bodies, some lingering injuries, but I bet if you asked most guys in that dressing room they would of fathomed to keep going. Why stop now. You know when you get in that groove, and then all of a sudden you fall out of it. For most of us average folk how hard is it to get back into that grove. I can’t imagine the pressures of the NHL and being at peak performance all the time and hitting this lull. The Flames had a hell of a schedule coming up in February with multiple trips out east, back west, back east and then home. Let’s sum February up with this. 17 days on the road, finishing with a record of 8-3-2. That’s pretty impressive. Can you imagine travelling for 17 days straight, competing at the highest level of your profession night in an night out, and surviving like that. *Insert applause here*. The home stretch to the end of the year was now upon us, and the Flames were battling night in and night out. 

St. Patricks Day, the ol’ luck of the Irish. The Flames were in. Playoff bound, here we go. As I mentioned earlier the city was buzzing for a good portion of the year, but now, the C of Red was alive. The city was taking it to the next level. We know our Flames were going to be hosting a Stanley Cup playoff game. We knew the city was going to be jumping behind the team as support whether it was the bandwagon or not. Do you know how cool it is to be in a city where everyone cares about the same thing for once. Political views out the window, life views out the window, nobody cares who you are, where you come from, we are all Flames. How cool is that? Calgary ended the year with home ice, and drew Nathan Mackinnon and his Colorado Avalanche in the first round. Playoffs, everyone knows it can go either way. It doesn’t matter where one team finished, who clinched when. It’s a new season. You can look at Colorado in a sense they clinched so late, they had to play at such a high level late that they could roll right into the playoffs with the hot hand. But hey, Calgary has had some guys get some much needed rest, they’ll be fresh, maybe they have the upper hand. Calgary opened with a win in game one, and everyone was satisfied. This is what was expected. What wasn’t expected is what happened in the next 4 games. Game 2, Saturday night live in Calgary. The city was insane. The rink was insane. It was a lot of run, and hey! We got overtime on a Saturday night. Anything can happen, and who finishes it but my hometown boy Nate. A pure snipe. What could you do. 1-1 heading down to Denver. I can go on and on about the rest of the series, but everyone knows how that ended up. Colorado absolutely dominated. They skated circles around Calgary. I was in the building for the final game in Calgary, game 5. A couple of jerseys were thrown on the ice late, and the building was silent. I don’t think anyone in that building had any thoughts running through their head. Sure there was frustration, but we all know you can’t think clearly during times like that. The season came to an abrupt end. Treliving described it perfectly, “It’s like running a 100M dash in a 80M gym”.

 Everyone was in shock. There were so many questions, so many frustrations. Where do you begin? Everyone new this was stepping up to be a special year. Many thought it was our time. Such is hockey, such is playoffs, such is life. I can go on and on about where I thought it went wrong, what I wasn’t happy with, but realistically we just have to move forward. There were a lot of good things to come out of this year. Rasmus Andersson showed that he can play top pair minutes and stick there. Noah Hanafin and Travis Hamonic put them selves up as one of the top D pairs in the NHL. Jusso Valimaki although hindered by injury most of the year showed he can hang with the big boys as a 19 year old. Elias Lindholm, Johnny Gaudreau had career years. Mike Smith and David Rittich played the 1A, 1B tandem to a near perfect T. Although goalie questions came up all year long, Mike Smith showed he belonged in the playoffs. Sam Bennett was an absolute beast and truly found his own this year. Garnett Hathaway was probably one of the best penalty killers in the NHL this year. Let’s stick to the positives, and leave the negatives aside. We can build off both, but having a positive outlook on the negatives can go a lot further than tearing someone down. There were a lot of great things this year, a lot of experiences had that I truly think this can be built off of. Calgary can do it again, they will do it again. Looking into the future, there are many great pieces sitting in the cupboards. There were a few prospects like Dillon Dube had signs of a full time NHLer when he was called upon this year. Alan Quine played only 14 games with the big club this year, but showed that he can be a reliable speedy third or fourth line player.  Although a few questions will be raised, and a busy off-season will be had. Brad Treliving reiterated that “there will be changes”. One can only begin to guess what changes will be made, but lots of rumours are floating around. Calgary qualified Matthew Tkachuk, David Rittich and Sam Bennet, all who are going to be key pieces moving into the coming pieces. Andrew Mangiapane was also qualified, and he turned out to be a firecracker out there this year splitting time between the third and fourth line. This goes to show you the depth that these scouts go to to find guys that can hang at this level after almost being counted out just based on draft position alone. The biggest question mark is who will be tending the pipes next year. Part of the puzzle has been all but decided, but that is one cupboard that is missing a few solid pieces. 

I’ll leave you with one lasting thought until next time. Buckets. What the hell does this guy mean about buckets. Well let me explain. Buckets was a term that was used when describing last year. We had guys in this bucket, and guys in that bucket. One bucket was half full with guys that wanted it, the other bucket was full of passengers. Let’s up that size of bucket so everyone wants to be in it no matter how tight, and everybody is driving.  The everlasting Flame from the C of Red is definitely shining a little brighter.

-Mike Murrant

[fozmeadows]

Rumours About Rumours, or: The Kent Parson Meta That Nobody Asked For

As is well-documented by this point, I’m a hopeless fan of @omgcheckplease, to the point where a gay hockey comic has turned me into an actual fan of ice hockey, dear god, I’ve become invested in a sport that’s barely even fucking played in my country, what is this even?? Naturally, this means I follow a few CP-heavy blogs on tumblr, and recently I’ve noticed a few people expressing confusion about why so many people like Kent Parson, given the fact that, canonically, his big introduction involves him being goddamn awful to Jack.

Now: straight off the bat – and I’m saying this, obviously, as someone who finds Kent Parson a fascinating character – I want to acknowledge that fandom, as a general entity, is heavily biased towards white guys. It’s one of those raindrop-in-a-storm problems where, at an individual level, everyone is entitled to their own personal preferences (always bearing in mind that said preferences can be influenced, either consciously or unconsciously, by cultural bias), but where the cumulative, collective effect of those choices amplifies the effects of cultural bias. It would therefore be disingenuous to deny that, whatever my thoughts on or interest in Kent as a character, there’s still a collective issue with how much more attention he often receives than more canonically prominent – and non-assholish – POC characters like Ransom, Chowder, Nursey and Lardo.

(Sidenote: as part of various race-oriented meta about CP, I’ve seen it pointed out that, in fanworks, the POC characters are most often romantically paired with white characters rather than other POC, and that this is a worthy point of investigation and criticism. I agree on both counts, but also feel that, in this specific instance, it’s important to note that, in canon, all the POC characters are primarily – either romantically or platonically – paired with another white character, and that these pairings dominate their appearances in the strip. (Ransom and Holster, Chowder and Farmer (or Chowder and Bitty, platonically), Nursey and Dex, Lardo and Shitty.) So while that doesn’t excuse the comparative lack of creative licence taken in moving beyond those pairings, as is common fanwriting practice, it does explain their existence as a non-trivial narrative baseline. ANYWAY.)

As to why Kent himself is interesting - well. There are, I think, two main reasons for this:

1: He’s Jack’s most significant ex; and

2: He’s presented as an antagonist.

If only the latter point was true, then I’d be much less inclined to invest in him emotionally. What matters is the fact that, despite all the wonderful shipping opportunities afforded by CP, Kent is one of only three (thus far) canonically queer characters – and not only that, he has an existing, complicated backstory with Jack, which therefore connects him emotionally to both Jack and Bitty. Any canon-compliant take on Jack’s romantic history must therefore feature Kent, and with that particular speculative door cracked open, it’s natural to wonder about Kent’s version of events.

Which is where my personal interest in Kent comes in. Because Jack Zimmermann, despite being our noble hockey hero and the protagonist’s love interest, is, by his own admission, an unreliable narrator of his own emotions. And as Jack’s narration is the only insight we get into his and Kent’s relationships, it’s not unreasonable to wonder what we’re missing out on – to say nothing of the possibility that Jack, historically, might not have been great for Kent.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin.

Jack “emotional range of a teaspoon” Zimmermann

From early in the comic, it’s clear that Jack isn’t great at expressing his emotions – which is why, for the whole first year of their friendship, he’s presented, not at Bitty’s love interest, but as his antagonist. In the fifth strip, Bitty says he’s “thinking of quitting” because Jack “chewed [him] out – in front of everyone. Again.” The others try to reassure Bitty that Jack “gets real bitchy” during pre-season, but will return to “regularly scheduled levels of bitchy after the first game”: even Jack’s closest friends recognise his habit of taking his stress out on other people. This is when we learn about Jack’s father, and the pressure Jack feels because of it: or, as Shitty puts it, “When a bro’s dad is Bad Bob, a bro’s gonna turn into a fucking hockey Nazi every once in a while.”

By itself, this information doesn’t exonerate Jack’s behaviour towards Bitty. The subsequent strip, however, is crucial to our understanding of – and the creation of sympathy for – Jack, telling us, the readers, about his history of anxiety, his overdose, his feelings of guilt, and why success at Samwell is so important to him. This piece of backstory serves to recontextualise Jack’s prior treatment of Bitty while adding an interpretative lens to everything we subsequently see. As such, when Bitty talks about “Reason #17 to hate Jack” two strips later, and Jack pushes him to get past his fears of checking, it’s easier to view his brusqueness in a kinder light than if we didn’t know his personal history. Without knowing that fear of failure is one of Jack’s most powerful demons, Jack telling Bitty emphatically that they’ll work “Until you stop being scared” could easily read as insensitive or angry, even with the more light-hearted line that follows.

From this point, the development of Jack and Bitty’s relationship is one where the reader knows more about Jack’s motivation than Bitty does. (Potentially, at least; we know that Bitty has Googled Jack’s dad, but not whether that search turned up information about Jack’s time in the Q.) This means that, when Bitty finds Jack sitting alone and anxious in the loading bay before his father’s visit, we have a deeper understanding of Jack’s pregame stress than Bitty does. As such, even when we sympathise with Bitty afterwards, when Jack, jealous and stressed, tells Bitty that his game-winning goal was “a lucky shot,” we still understand Jack’s feelings. Our awareness of him is layered: he’s just done something incredibly hurtful and dickish, but we know that he’s hurting, too.

In the sixteenth strip, Bitty still thinks that “Jack hates [his] guts,” and is upset by Jack glaring at him when Bitty is put on his line, yet the readers know that Jack is stressed by the implied criticism of being told that “you’re a better player when you’re with Bittle.” Their relationship changes on both sides when they start officially playing together: it’s the first time Bitty really speaks positively about Jack, and the first time we see Jack being impressed by Bitty as a player – a development which is immediately followed by a dash of mutual hurt/comfort to cement their sympathies. Bitty, for the first time, sees Jack belittled for his stint in rehab by a sportscaster post-game, while Jack sees Bitty concussed on the ice for attempting a risky play. Jack subsequently apologies for his actions: not only to Bitty personally, but to the team as a whole. And thus ends Bitty’s first year at Samwell: with Jack as a friend instead of antagonist.

 Even so, this changed relationship doesn’t make Jack any better at expressing his feelings. At the start of Bitty’s sophomore year, Ransom notes that “Goal celebrations provide the rare opportunity for the stoic Canadian warrior to express his emotions,” with Holster adding, “Many believe this is his only way of emoting.”

Enter Kent Parson – or rather, our first oblique reference to him, when Jack is talking to Bitty about his NHL prospects: “They said with the way the teams are stacking up? With how Kent– uh, the Aces won the cup a couple of years ago…”

The fact that Jack stumbles over his name is telling: he doesn’t want to talk personally about Kent, though at this point, we don’t know why. The next strip marks Kent’s actual first appearance, chirping Jack for taking a selfie with Bitty: the fact that Jack is visibly shocked to see him is likewise a clue to their complex relationship.

Kent Parson: Rumours About Rumours

When Ransom and Holster give us Kent’s backstory, they emphasise the “rumours” about Jack and Kent’s relationship when they played together – a statement accompanied by the image of a younger Kent sitting on younger Jack’s lap at a party – complete with reference to “a trove of Zimmermann/Parson fanfiction”. At the same time, they’re also clearly unsure as to what Kent and Jack think of each other now, noting that “Jack doesn’t really talk about him much.” The flashback image accompanying this claim is significant: while younger Jack frowns anxiously over a newspaper article about the draft, a younger Kent is shown sitting beside him, a hand on Jack’s arm and a hopeful smile on his face – the attitude of someone trying to comfort a person they care about. Equally significant as a narrative hint is the fact that, in quoting the synopsis of a piece of Zimmermann/Parson fanfic, Holster tells us, “It’s not that Jack wasn’t into relationships, it’s just that Jack wasn’t a relationships kind of guy.” This is noteworthy, not only as foreshadowing, but because it shows us that, canonically, Jack was perceived by shippers to be emotionally distant – something that tracks accurately with his characterisation as someone who’s Bad At Feelings.

The most telling clue we’re given about Jack and Kent’s relationship, however, comes two panels later, from Shitty. As was demonstrated early in the comic, the fact that Shitty is Jack’s ride-or-die best friend doesn’t make him blind to Jack’s faults, while a key part of Shitty’s characterisation is his utter hatred of douchebags. As such, it’s doubly significant that Shitty is the one to warn Bitty, not that Kent is a bad guy, but that Jack is bad to Kent. Specifically, he says: “Jack can get pretty jealous, okay? Like, the last time Parson dropped by – yeah, it was after he’d won a fucking Stanley Cup, but it wasn’t like he had his Calder under his arm. Parson’s a modest bro. And the way Jack acted… brah. It freaked me out! It was kinda how Jack used to treat you.”    

In other words: Jack was antagonistically jealous of Kent’s success, even though Kent did nothing to lord it over him, in the same way Jack was once antagonistically jealous of Bitty’s success. In Bitty’s case, the mutual hurt was only resolved when they started to play together: their on-ice chemistry let them see the best in each other, and as Jack’s teammates have all observed, Jack – at this point in his life, anyway – only really expresses his feelings on the ice.

Which is when we learn that Kent has come to ask Jack to play for the Aces.

Which brings us to the argument Jack and Kent have, which ostensibly cements Kent’s status as an antagonist. But let’s, just for a moment, view this scene from the little we know of Kent’s perspective.

The last time Kent came to see Jack, Jack reacted with hostility, pushing him away despite the fact that nothing we’ve seen in the flashbacks to their relationship is indicative of bad behaviour on Kent’s part. Instead, they look happy together, with Kent offering comfort and optimism in response to Jack’s anxiety. We also know that Jack has difficulty expressing his emotions, especially negative ones, being more likely to lash out or withdraw than to try and address them productively. It’s also not a stretch to imagine that Kent, as a former teammate – someone who once played spectacularly with Jack, the same way Jack now plays with Bitty – knows, as Jack’s current teammates do, that Jack works through his feelings best on the ice.

In their argument, Kent says that he only came unannounced to Samwell because Jack “shut [him] out”, suggesting that Jack refused to talk to him – and not, given what Shitty said about Kent’s last visit, because of anything Kent himself did. And the first thing Kent sees, on walking into the party, is Jack smiling at a short, blonde hockey player who looks a bit like a younger version of Kent, one who plays on Jack’s line and makes him better the way Kent used to do. Kent, who could easily react with jealousy here, is polite to Bitty instead; goes out of his way to take selfies with everyone who wants them; takes Lardo humiliating him at flip-cup in good humour: behaves himself, in other words. A modest bro, just like Shitty – whose judgement we ought to trust at this point – said.

When Bitty comes upstairs, he doesn’t immediately overhear an argument between Jack and Kent, because at first, they’re not arguing. Kent is asking Jack if he’s thought about coming to play for the Aces, and while it’s hard to prove, the way Jack’s speech is broken up mid-word, followed by overt pauses, suggests that Kent kisses him, as does the fact that Jack says “I can’t do this” immediately afterwards. Kent begs Jack to “just fucking stop thinking and listen to me for once,” suggesting both that Kent knows Jack is prone to overthinking, and that Jack has refused to hear him out on the topic previously.

The point where the conversation turns hostile comes when Kent calls the Wellies “a shitty team”, followed immediately by an attempted contrast to their old style of playing together: “you and me –”

But Jack doesn’t let him finish. Instead, he tells Kent to get out. This is when Kent yells that he only came the way he did because Jack shut him out, adding that he’s “trying to help”. At this point, Kent is desperate, his plea very clearly an appeal to an emotion he himself feels deeply: “What do you want me to say? That I miss you? I miss you, OK?... I miss you.”

(When Kent walks into the Haus and sees Jack, he says, “Didja miss me?” Because Kent misses Jack. He wants Jack to miss him, too, and is desperately insecure about it.)

Jack replies with an absolute dismissal of Kent’s feelings: “You always say that.” Meaning, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything. I don’t care.

And it’s then, and only then, that Kent becomes aggressive. What he says is calculated to wound, just as Jack telling Bitty his winning goal was “a lucky shot” was calculated to wound: and as such, I’d argue that the two scenes are paralleled in more ways than one. When Jack dismisses Bitty’s goal, he’s acting like an antagonist because he thinks Bitty has taken something from him – his father’s approval – that Jack feels ought to be his. Similarly, Kent is acting like an antagonist because he thinks Jack has taken something from him – their partnership – that Kent feels ought to be his, too.

And so Kent insults Jack, though his wording is curious (bolding mine): “You think you’re too fucked up to care about? That you’re not good enough? Everyone already knows what you are, but it’s people like me who still care. You’re scared everyone else is going to find out you’re worthless, right? Oh, don’t worry, just give it a few seasons, Jack. Trust me.”

Jack tells him to get out, to which Kent replies, “Fine. Shut me out again.”

The final blow comes as Kent is leaving : “Call me if you reconsider or whatever. But good luck with the Falconers… I’m sure that’ll make your dad proud.”

It’s not until the following year in the comic that we’re given a flashback that shows us Kent’s face as he says this. Kent, like Jack, is shaking – even more, is crying as he walks away, the image juxtaposed with present-day Jack telling a reporter that his history with Kent “is all in the past”. Which, for Jack, it is. But not for Kent.

And it’s here that the visual medium of comics becomes relevant to our perception of dialogue, because while particular words can be given an emphasis, all the verbal subtleties that differentiate tone and meaning are absent. When Kent finally rips into Jack, it’s telling that he doesn’t insult him directly: instead, he attacks Jack’s self-perception, and in such a way that, depending on spoken emphasis, he’s arguably saying one of two different things. In one version of Kent’s dialogue, he’s agreeing with Jack’s fears: offering a confirmation that he’s worthless, that (in Kent’s mind) nobody but Kent will ever care for him, and that, once he starts playing professionally, everyone else will see what a failure he is. And certainly, this is how Jack seems to take it.

But in the other version, Kent is angrily ridiculing Jack’s self-perception: You think you’re too fucked up to care about, but I still care, even though you don’t think I should. You’re scared that people will think you’re worthless, but everyone already knows what you are. (A desired player; one Kent came to recruit.) You don’t need to worry; you’re Jack Zimmermann. Just give it a few seasons. Trust me. And because of the context, this version is still hurtful to Jack: not only has Kent just verbalised his deepest insecurities, but he’s effectively mocked him for having them at all. But Kent has every reason to hate Jack’s insecurities at this moment, because Jack’s tendency towards emotional shutdown is why he keeps shoving Kent away, refusing to talk about a relationship that Kent, quite clearly, needs and wants – and, I would argue, deserves – to discuss with him.

Because when Jack later explains his relationship with Kent to Bitty, he doesn’t say anything about his treatment of Kent. Again, the structure of what he says is telling (my bolding): “We only hooked up a few times back in juniors… and with the draft changing everything… I don’t think he got over it… He got drafted. I didn’t. And it… stopped. Looking back, it really wasn’t anything more than physical. Hockey. And after taking my break, then Samwell… it takes a lot of growing up to realise someone wasn’t good for you… It kind of had an expiration date from the get go, you know? Push comes to shove… hockey came first. Something like that could’ve really messed with our careers.”

And this is where, for me, Jack Zimmermann becomes an emotionally unreliable narrator: his account of their relationship is not only clinical, but emotionally contrary to what we already know. The draft changed things, not because it was inevitable, because Jack was jealous that Kent was drafted. Shitty explicitly says as much to Bitty, but Jack doesn’t mention his jealousy here: instead, he says that the relationship was always going to end, and that – by implication – Jack chose hockey over Kent. Jack also says the relationship just “stopped,” which implies a mutual end to things, despite his simultaneous claim that Kent never got over it. Kent, however, has consistently expressed his frustration at Jack shutting him out; has likewise told Jack that he misses him on multiple occasions. So when Jack says the relationship was only physical – that it was nothing but sex and hockey, even though we’ve seen how close they were as friends in flashbacks – it doesn’t seem unreasonable to suggest that he is severely downplaying the emotional aspect of their relationship.  

When Jack and Bitty tell their teammates they’re dating, Jack admits to Shitty that “I don’t think I realised I wanted to be with Bittle until the last minute. Right at graduation… I don’t think about this stuff too much to be honest. Or I didn’t. Bittle says I’ve gotten better with my feelings.” Meaning that, for the better part of two years, Jack thought that his feelings for Bitty were platonic, even though he was acting in an ultimately romantic way, or at least in unconscious pursuit of a romantic end. Which means we have a strong canonical basis for asserting that, once upon a time, Jack treated Kent the same way – in a caring, enamoured fashion – while under the impression that their relationship, and his own actions, were strictly platonic. The only difference? Kent and Jack were actually sleeping together, and after Jack overdosed and nearly died, he cut Kent out, the relationship a secret from anyone Kent could’ve talked to.

In canon, we don’t know how Kent reacted to Jack’s overdose. In fanfic, however, it’s an incredibly powerful speculative point. Was Kent the one who found Jack when it happened? Was he allowed to see him in the hospital, or to visit in rehab? We know Jack’s parents eventually knew about Kent, but did Kent know they knew? Did Kent, a teenager whose secret boyfriend nearly died just days before he was forced to make the biggest career choice of his life and move, alone, to another state, ever get any help to deal with his feelings?

When Jack says in one breath that his relationship with Kent “wasn’t anything more than physical” and then, in the next, that Kent “wasn’t good for [me]”, he’s contradicting himself. Either there was an emotional relationship that went sour or was negative in some way, or they had uncomplicated casual sex – and from Kent’s perspective, there was clearly an emotional component. At the very least, and regardless of whether Kent actually behaved badly when they were together – a statement for which we have no tangible evidence – it’s clear that Kent has been hurt by Jack, having invested emotionally in someone who doesn’t want him. That Kent still wants Jack back after almost five years, and yet has barely interacted with him in that time, is telling: Kent’s attachment is unhealthy only because it’s unrequited, not because he’s been relentlessly and constantly pursuing an uninterested party.

When Jack tells Bitty that his relationship with Kent had an expiration date because of their careers, it makes Bitty insecure: he worries that Jack is going to eventually leave him, because, in Jack’s own words, hockey comes first. Similarly, in discussing why things ended with Kent, Jack emphasises the impossibility of the relationship, the inherent impermanence of it, which fits with the fact that, when Kent propositions him at Epikegster, Jack says “I can’t do this” – can’t, not I don’t want to. Suggesting that, if Jack ever gave Kent a reason for ending things after the draft, it was the same one he gave Bitty: we can’t do this anymore because of our careers. In which case, it makes perfect sense that Kent has spent five years pining for Jack: because Jack “I Don’t Understand, Recognise Or Articulate My Own Feelings” Zimmermann never actually told Kent that he didn’t want to be together – only that they couldn’t.

So Kent has waited. He’s made a name for himself, keeping his distance from Jack but always making it clear that he misses him, returning even after Jack acted like a jealous ass about Kent’s success. And when he comes, he has a plan: they can be together again. Jack can be on his team again, they can date again, and why the fuck won’t Jack talk to him –

And then Jack throws him out, and Kent, who is fucking heartbroken, finally lashes out at him.

For all that Kent says some truly awful things to Jack, they ultimately fall into the same class of antagonism that originally characterised Jack’s treatment of Bitty – except that, in Kent’s case, we have to piece his sympathising motives together from context cues instead of being given a neat synopsis. Jack’s relationship with Bitty – the way he learns to identify and express his feelings, to prioritise his boyfriend’s life – is predicated on an arc of emotional healing, one where Bitty makes Jack a better person. Kent at Epikegster is the result of Jack’s attempt at relationships before he learned to do this.

For Bitty, Jack Zimmermann is a romantic hero; for Kent, he’s a messed-up origin story.

And that is why I’m interested in Kent Parson.

[badonkodank]

Who We Are, Who We Want To Be

ao3

A/N: Requested by reviewer: AvengeTheCap 

People assumed a lot of things about the Pines twins.

They assumed because Stanley looked bigger, bulkier, he must be the older one.

They assumed because Stanford was smart, he must also be an overbearing know-it-all.

They assumed because Stanford was the nerd, Stanley must be the jock; that if Stanley was strong, Stanford must be weak.

And because Stanford was a genius, they assumed he must look down on his brother and think him a moron. Because if Stanford was brilliant, Stanley had to be dumber than a stack of bricks. They assumed nothing ever bothered Stanley, because he was too stupid to realize he should be upset.

That was so far off the mark it might have been hilarious if it wasn’t so detrimental to the way the brothers were treated.

It wasn’t something Stanford had immediately picked up on, of course; he may have been smart, but with that intelligence came the awkwardness of trying to hold a normal conversation with his peers. They wanted nothing more than to ignore him, because they assumed he was going to flaunt his intellect and treat them like illiterates. It made picking up on a lot of social assumptions and cliches that had been thrown onto him and Stanley rather difficult.

Granted, those assumptions were hard to miss on days like today, when people made no attempt to veil the true meaning behind their words. Ford tried not to wince as he set the book he’d been reading down on the bleachers to watch Stanley walk out of the locker room with their coach looking annoyed, speaking in that harsh tone that echoed throughout the, by now, empty gym.

“...I don’t care if he looked like a baby or an adorable bunny rabbit! When someone steps in the ring opposite ya, ya take ‘em out! I don’t care how inexperienced they look, that’s how they get ya! Do ya understand me?”

“Yes, Coach.”

“Ya old man ain’t gonna have it if ya lose. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Keep it up an’ I just might ‘ave Stanford ‘ave a go.”

“He doesn’t wan-”

“Least he wouldn’ta looked like an idiot.”

“... Yeah.”

“A’ight, get outta here. Fix ya face.”

Ford might have attempted replacing his frown with something lighter when his brother came over to grab his backpack, but seeing that their coach had been right in saying Stanley needed to do something about his injury, he couldn’t bring himself to wipe away the displeased expression. He had paid attention to the fight, of course he had, but seeing how he’d been in one of the back rows he hadn’t been able to make out the extent of the damage. Stan had played it off as nothing in the ring and since Ford hadn’t been able to get a proper glimpse of his face, he’d figured that it must really have been nothing to worry about.

After all, the guy he’d fought had been small in terms of… well about everything.  It had been a win for Stanley, as everyone had assumed it would be the moment they saw the kid, but just barely, and it hadn’t been as easy as they’d expected either. That was probably why it had been so surprising when his brother had let his guard down in the first few seconds and allowed his opponent the opportunity to strike. Ford had been worried for half a second when that had happened, but when Stanley had recovered as if it had been no more than a subtle breeze that had hit him, he’d decided his brother was fine.

And while the split lip and black eye Ford now stared at certainly weren’t the worst he’d seen him sport after a match, they still looked painful and in need of a good icing when they got home. At least Pa hadn’t been there to watch, otherwise Stanley would’ve had to worry about dealing with more than just a short chewing-out from their coach.

His brother was probably thinking along the same lines, because when he spoke he asked Ford if he would back him up in saying the other guy was huge when their father inevitably asked how it had gone.

Whenever the man asked, Ford always had to swallow his waspish retort of, “if you wanted to know so badly you might actually come to a match once in awhile.”, that would do more harm than good in the end if spoken aloud. It was just so upsetting, seeing Stanley win in the ring nearly every time he stepped into it, and knowing Pa would only ever be showing up to the big, “important” ones. The man had practically forced Stanley into the sport, and now he couldn’t even be bothered to leave the shop long enough to support him.

Meanwhile, here Ford was, coming to every fight, whether it was practice or a real thing, big or small, because he cared about Stanley and was truly proud his brother had carved out a place in the school that was just his.

The pleased glint in Stanley’s eye whenever he landed a proper, solid blow, and the grin that would spread his face when he won made it worth it every time. And Ford would never say at times he thought himself better than their father, but… he did think that.

The proof was in the puddin’, as Ma would say, and there was an abundance of proof that supported the notion of his father not being as good a person as him when it came to Stanley. Perhaps that was conceited, but Ford didn’t care. The fact of the matter was he came to his twin’s events, he listened to him when he needed to talk, he helped Stanley with school, and Pa did none of those things. Ford cared about Stanley and showed it. Their father just didn’t.

Which was why he nodded in response to his brother’s request.

“What do you mean “pretend”, Stanley? The guy was at least half a foot taller than you.”

“Haha, that’s what I was sayin’!”

Ford could see some of the tension in Stanley’s shoulders bleed away and smiled softly as they made their way to their lockers where he’d left his backpack. He was always pleased when he was able to cheer his brother up, even a little, especially after someone had made him feel bad.

Lately Stanley got irritated when he tried to jump into a conversation in order to defend him, so Ford had resorted back to their usual form of comfort that did more to avoid the problem than anything else. This time Ford wished he had jumped in, because the smile his brother wore didn’t quite reach his eyes, and the reasons behind it were easy enough to deduce; even if Stan denied that Coach’s words had stung, he knew better.

He wished he’d just jumped in and told the man to back off, because everyone had their off days, even his brother. It wasn’t Stanley’s fault, anyway. Not really. That opponent kid had definitely used his youthful and slight appearance to his advantage, and it wasn’t like Stanley enjoyed hurting people.

He just liked feeling powerful, and brave. That was all. Ford could understand that.

“Coach doesn’t know what he’s talkin’ about, you know.”

The heavy sigh Stan released had Ford wincing even before he heard his brother’s reply. That sigh always meant nothing good would be coming out of his mouth.

“He knows exactly what he’s sayin’, I screwed up today,” Stan said with a shrug, “It happens.”

“But-”

“Can we just drop it?”

“I…” Stan glanced back at him, an almost pleading look in his eyes that had Ford snapping his mouth shut, nodding tersely.

There was no point trying to tell his brother something when he clearly didn’t want to hear it, and he knew how quickly his encouragement could turn to gentle berating if he was allowed to go on. It was just so frustrating when Stan refused to listen when he tried to make him feel better. Sometimes it felt like he didn’t want to feel better.

Ford supposed he could understand that; he liked to feel sorry for himself too- more often than his brother, at any rate. That didn’t make it any less upsetting though.

When they stopped in front of their lockers Ford knelt and got to work with the combination. He sensed more than heard the approach as he pulled his pack out of the container.

When Crampelter spoke, he sighed so heavily he feared it might have echoed throughout the entire hall.

“Sup, Four-Eyes. Sweaty.”

“Oh my God, don’t you have anythin’ better ta do?” Stan’s eyeroll could be heard in his exasperated tone and Ford stifled a snort.

The bully’s harrassments were biweekly by now and the brothers had become more or less fed up with him. It had started to show, too. Crampelter didn’t seem to appreciate their defiance either, if the beating he’d arranged last week had been any indication. Apparently that still wasn’t going to stop Stanley from being difficult.

Ford stood swiftly, scowling at the junior in silent support of his brother. Crampelter only scoffed and turned his attention back to Stan.

“Heard ya almost lost to a wimpy half-pint.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t,” Stan said.

“Ya really sucked out there.”

“Mm.”

“Coach is pissed.”

“I know.”

Crampelter frowned when Stan shrugged, confusion taking hold of his features, and Ford couldn’t exactly laugh at him because he himself couldn’t believe how nonchalant his brother was being.

“W-Well, he’s probably gonna call your parents and let em know how ya messed up.”

Ford bit his tongue to keep from snapping at the older teen. What kind of cheap shot was that supposed to be?

“What’s your point?” Stan sounded more tired than anything by then and Ford narrowed his eyes at Crampelter, daring him to elaborate.

The only thing the other knew about their family life was what he heard his own father gossip about with his officer buddies, but if he was hinting at what Ford assumed he was hinting at, he wanted to hear him say it to their faces.

He couldn’t imagine why the bully would go at anything from that angle today, especially so suddenly and when they’d done nothing to provoke him… but he could be unpredictable.

And oh, Ford dared him.

Go ahead. Say it. Give Stan a reason to knock your teeth out.

“Nothin’. Just bet yer pop ain’t gonna be happy.”

“Probably not, but he never is, so...” Stan shrugged once more and lazily hooked his thumbs into his pockets. “You done?”

Crampelter seemed at a loss for words and Ford tried not to let his own shock show. He always had a comeback… though, Stan was also usually riled up more, which gave him something to work with.

Actually, come to think of it, why wasn’t he more upset? Usually talk like this got him red in the face and ready for a fight. Was something wrong or had he actually decided to heed his advice and not give Crampelter a reaction?

Whatever the reason, Stan’s apathetic responses had the effect Ford had hypothesized they would, and the older teen scoffed and walked away, muttering under his breath words that were better left ignored.

“Yeesh, what was his problem? Am I right?”

Ford started when Stan barked a harsh laugh, but quickly recovered with a light chuckle of his own.  “Yep. He has issues.”

“You could say that again.”

The sudden change in his demeanor made Ford relax, his smile smoothing out into something more genuine when Stan threw an arm around his shoulders and ruffled his hair. So he had just been taking his advice on ignoring Crampelter, then. Good.

A yelp escaped him when Stan exclaimed suddenly and turned to drag him towards the nearest exit. Ford opened his mouth to ask what the hurry was about, but stopped himself when he remembered it was Friday; he should have known Stanley would want to move as quickly as humanly possible. Honestly, his memory was better than that.

Ever since they’d found the broken-up craft they’d dubbed the Stan’O’War at age 12 the two had made a commitment to always work on it every Friday after school, whether they had homework or not. The only times they could temporarily pause that commitment were when their parents said they couldn’t go out, or when they were both so tired they agreed they’d do it Saturday. Both pause options were rarely ever needed after they’d hit 14, and now, two years later, Ford was pretty sure they’d only missed a week’s worth of boat work in total. Which was sort of impressive when he thought about it.

But then, it was his and Stanley’s favorite thing to do, their special pet project, so of course they would keep to the schedule.

Though, apparently they were stopping by their house first, since his brother was heading in the opposite direction of the beach. Ford didn’t question the choice, as it was pretty self-explanatory; Stan was usually hungry after a match, and he’d want to grab some ice for his eye as well.

Okay, actually, he wanted to get some ice for Stan’s bruises. His twin didn’t actually care whether his injuries were seen to or not. That was something that always worried Ford, but he never said anything if for no other reason that to avoid annoying him. Stan got awfully touchy whenever he was shown proper care nowadays. It was never something he’d enjoyed, sure, but he didn’t used to make such a fuss over it like he did lately. Ford didn’t know why exactly that was, but it saddened him all the same.

**

When they got home Stanford sighed at the throng of people they had to push past in the shop to get upstairs. Weekends during the fall and winter months were usually busy, but honestly, it was a little ridiculous that they had to struggle to get into their own house some days. At least the crowd meant their Pa was busy and wouldn’t notice them getting back.

They should be able to sneak in and out without being noticed.

Ma was on the phone upstairs and Ford flashed her a quick smile when she waved at him and Stanley as they made their way to the small kitchen. As suspected, snacks were the first order of business in his brother’s mind. Stanley made a beeline for the cupboard that had been dubbed “theirs” and rummaged around a moment before producing his last bag of toffee peanuts and a sack of jelly beans. After that it was straight to the fridge to retrieve some water and Pitt Cola.

Ford opened up his backpack when Stanley came over with the goods and allowed him to deposit them beside his notebooks. The routine was a familiar one and the brothers worked like a well-oiled machine, with Ford double checking that they had everything needed for the pen and paper aspect of the boat and Stan grabbing the few tools they had to bring home every week from under the sink.

Normally the time doing everything was passed with casual conversation about the day, some playful jabs thrown into the mix because why not, but today, it was different. Stanley was… awfully -uncharacteristically- quiet.

Ford wanted to ask what that was about, but feared he already knew the answer, and that he wouldn't be able to fix it, so he stayed silent. It was better to say nothing then to say something wrong, right? He thought so.

When they finished with that, Ford grabbed a packet of ice from the freezer that Ma always kept on hand for instances such as these, and handed it to his brother. Stanley fought it for maybe a second before relenting and placing it over his eye- probably to get him off his back. Ford would take it either way.

They were on their way back downstairs when Ma’s voice stopped them.

“So, Stanley, how’d that match go?”

Stanley barely missed a beat before answering, his tone bright and falsely cheerful in a way that made Ford cringe.

“Good! I won.”

“I figured ya would, Peanut. Good job.”

“Thanks, Ma,” Stan said, the smile on his face a little softer then, more genuine. “Sixer an’ I are headed out now, ‘kay?”

“A’kay, be back before ten, ya hear?”

“Gotcha!” Stan gave a mock salute despite the fact that their mother couldn’t see it, before quickly heading out once more.

While there were fewer customers downstairs than when they’d first arrived, there were still enough to keep their pop from noticing them and the two were able to get back outside without any further holdups, something for which Ford was immensely thankful.

Besides, he’d ask Stanley about the match, and unlike Ma, he’d want details. Ford never looked forward to seeing his brother so down after those conversations. It was better to avoid those situations altogether.

They walked to the beach in a silence that was both peaceful and tense at the same time, and Stanford wished he could ignore the latter feeling, but with every step it became worse. Still, he didn’t say anything to Stanley about it because he knew his brother was only trying to forget all the crappy things that had happened earlier in the day- if the way he kept shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders was any indicator, he was having some mental conversations with himself again.

Stanford knew the shiner his twin sported would be a sore and embarrassing subject should it be brought up -much like his grades were for him when he didn’t get 100%- so he knew to keep away from that line of conversation. Instead, he began thinking up things they could talk about when they got to the boat; things that would make his brother laugh and put the match and the homework looming over his head out of mind for the night.

It wouldn’t be too difficult considering Stanley already didn’t want to dwell on his own thoughts, he just had to make sure the transition back into talking was casual. Then again, even if it seemed forced, his brother would appreciate the effort and roll with it. That was just one of the great things about Stanley.

“So, Stanley, what do you wanna work on today?”

“Hmm?”

Ford repeated the question and sighed inwardly in relief when Stanley hummed in thought.

“I dunno… We finally got most a’ the hull finished up last week, so… mast?”

“Heh, I was actually thinkin’ along the same lines.”

“Cool.”

“Right,” Ford said as they stopped in front of the craft in question. She was starting to look fantastic, if he did say so. In fact, he bet it would only be another year or two until she was ready to be out on the water. He knew Stanley was looking forward to that day as much as he was.

It wouldn’t be too long after that that they would be able to leave that town behind and go on the adventures they’d only ever dreamed about before. The older they got, the harder it became to work out the logistics of how they’d do it, but thus far Ford had been able to. Sure, it would cost some extra cash they didn’t have at the moment, but Stanley was working on getting a job at the garage, and Ford was sure he’d be able to pick up some jobs around town for the library and school. They were always good for some extra cash, and they loved him.

It would take some time, but thankfully, that was something they had on their side.

“Oi, Poindexter, quit zonin’ out!”

Stanford blinked when Stanley dragged him out of his daydreaming. His brother was already on the boat and he laughed a little at how deep into thought he’d fallen that he hadn’t even noticed the teen move.

“Sorry.”

Ford climbed up the ladder they kept leaned against the Stan’O’War for ease of access and went to stand by him.

“So, what’s the first order a’ business?”

Ford didn’t bother giving that too much thought before jumping into the plan he’d worked up earlier in the day. He knew Stanley was feeling down, but experience had taught him that if anything would pull him from his stupor, it would be working on their baby. Stanley just needed a distraction for a little while, and Ford was all too happy to provide him that for the rest of the night.

Ma calling them down for breakfast was what finally roused Stanford from his comfortable sleep. He combed his fingers through his hair briefly -a habit developed after the insane, gravity-defying bedhead had warranted teasing from Stanley- before rolling off the top bunk with a groan. He proceeded to flop gracelessly onto his brother, effectively waking him too.

“Aw wha’th’hell?!”

Stanley shoved weakly at him until Ford relented and got off, dragging the blankets off as he went before the younger teen could pull them over his head.

“C’mon, Stanley, Ma called us down.”

��Uuuuugh, fine.” His brother sat up and took his sweet time stretching, eliciting an eyeroll from the other. When he finally got out of bed, a few minutes had passed and Ford had gone to the bathroom to change his clothes, brush his teeth and properly fix his hair.

He met Stanley at the stairs and frowned when he noticed the tight grip his brother had on the banister.

“Stanley?”

“Ma and Pa are talkin’. We should probably wait until they’re done.”

Ford tilted his head in confusion then. His twin was rarely concerned with interrupting people when they were in the middle of a conversation on a normal day, so what was different now?

He went to ask his twin that but got his answer when he heard their father’s voice raise enough that his words could be heard clearly.

“He ain’t tryin’ hard enough and you know it.”

“He’s doin’ ‘is best, Filbrick!”

Oh. So it was going to be one of those mornings. But… what had brought it on? Stanley hadn’t done anything bad, their report cards hadn’t come in yet, so what…? No matter how much Ford wracked his brain, he couldn’t find a reason Pa would be upset with his brother.

What he did know, though, was that the words were hurting Stanley, and that he would not stand for.

“Hey,” Ford grabbed his twin’s hand, pulling him out of wherever his mind had wandered, “They’ll live. C’mon, I’m hungry.”

Stanley resisted for half a second before following him down. Ford wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be encouraging. As soon as their parents heard them they quieted, and the two took their respective spots at the table. Ford knew it was a foolish to hope they’d get through the meal without conversation, but he still found himself flinching when their father finally opened his mouth.

“Coach Rogers called last night.”

“... He did?”

“Said ya almost lost. Again.”

“Wha- no I didn’t! I got hit but I didn’t almost l-”

“I don’t wanna hear it,” Pa snapped and Ford winced, the secondhand discomfort acute as Stanley hunched his shoulders as if he was trying to curl into himself.

“You been slackin’ again, Stanley, and it’s unacceptable.”

“But-”

“I’m tired a’ your excuses too, so shut it!”

“‘Kay.”

Ford glanced over and upon seeing Stanley’s defeated expresion, bit his lip until he tasted copper. This wasn’t fair. At all... But then, Pa’s lectures rarely were. As unfortunate as it was, they’d just have to ride it out like they always did.

“You been failin’ your classes. I ain’t havin’ you failin’ this too when it’s the only thing you got goin’ for you, understood?”

Stanley nodded dully.

“I mean, this is just ridiculous, Stanley! You need to straighten up and do the work. You ain’t gonna be livin’ here forever, and the world don’t accept failures.”

Ford wasn’t sure he managed to contain the scowl that wanted to settle on his face when that last word came from their father’s mouth. He hated that word, especially when it was directed at Stanley. It hurt his twin every time and made Ford’s blood boil.

He’s not a failure! He wanted to scream, but kept silent; yelling would get them nowhere but in deeper trouble. That fact rankled him even more. How come nobody else could see what Ford saw? That Stanley was really smart in his own way- That he was great!

Not that he expected their father to ever see, of course. He never saw anything unless it was staring him in the face. Unless he saw Stanley winning, he assumed he was failing, and nothing else was ever good enough for him.

But why didn’t Stanley stand up for himself? If anyone else were to be speaking to him like this, Ford knew they’d be on the floor sporting a bloody nose, and while he couldn’t imagine his brother raising a hand against Pa, he also almost wished he would. At least then he’d be doing something other than responding to the grilling with a whispered, “I know.”

And the words sounded so hollow, so distant and pained, and that was the last straw for Ford. Without knowing exactly what he was doing, he huffed to grab Pa’s attention.

“He did win. I would know; I was there.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

The cold anger suddenly radiating from the man made Ford step back involuntarily, clasping his hands behind his back as he looked at the floor. Funny… he hadn’t meant to ``stand up. He also hadn’t meant for his tone to sound so accusatory...

“Nothing. J-Just that- I mean, Stanley has been workin’ really hard in boxing. Yesterday was an accident… I, uh, distracted him, that’s why he got hit.” Ford could feel his brother’s eyes on him but he didn’t dare look while he continued, “He’s been doin’ his best in school too. We did some studying last night and he’s workin’ really hard… That’s all I was sayin’.”

Their father scrutinized him for another second before humming under his breath and nodding tersely. “Don’t ever speak to me like that again, you hear?”

“Yes, sir,” Ford swallowed audibly and sat back down, forcing his breath to remain steady when he glanced over to see Stanley staring intently at his food, picking at it but not actually eating.

He wanted to do something to reassure him, but aside from nudging him with his foot, there was nothing he could do with Pa breathing down their necks. Besides, it didn’t sound like the man was done talking yet, and the last thing Ford wanted to do was make it seem like he wasn’t paying attention.

“An’ if that’s true, Stanley, then I expect you to be workin’ hard for all your classes from now on.”

“‘Kay.”

Stanley’s voice was steady but Ford could tell he’d just barely managed to keep it that way. It seemed to appease Pa, though, who went back to eating and reading the paper as if nothing had happened- as if he hadn’t just essentially told his son he was a huge disappointment and that he’d eventually be thrown into the adult world without his parents to back him up.

Stanford kept a tight lid on his anger towards the injustice of it all. He’d almost been hoping Stan would tell Pa to shove it where the sun don’t shine. Almost. He wasn’t dumb enough to think that doing so wouldn’t have ramifications, which was why he was glad his brother hadn’t, but… it never sat well with him when the teen just took the verbal beatings without so much as a scowl.

He’d gotten so used to them.

It wasn’t the first time Ford had acknowledged that fact, but he still felt sick to his stomach at the thought all the same.

The teen pushed his plate away without a word in the same moment his brother got up, excusing himself and heading out of his line of sight. The sound of his footsteps heading downstairs had Ford hastily standing and thanking Ma for breakfast, giving her a peck on the cheek as he did (she wasn’t the one he was upset with, after all) before going after Stanley.

They arrived at the beach without a hitch and Ford took his time catching up, giving his twin time to calm and gather whatever thoughts were bouncing around his head.

Stanley was leaning against the swing set they’d long ago claimed as their own, looking out at the crisp blue ocean with what Ford could imagine were eyes glazed over with misery as he played their father’s cruel words over in his head. To anyone passing by it would have looked like he was simply enjoying the scenery, but after so many years of being there to comfort his brother, Ford knew differently.

The way his brother’s shoulders drooped lower than normal, how he kept clenching and unclenching his fists slowly and shoving his hands into his pockets only to remove them a second later, it all screamed “NOT OKAY”.

“Hey,” he said softly, standing beside his twin.

He didn’t reply. In fact, if Ford was seeing things correctly, he shifted away from him. The movement was subtle, but it had him frowning nonetheless. “What is it?”

Once again, his twin said nothing, not even making eye contact as Ford narrowed his eyes, his earlier irritation towards their father resurfacing and directing itself outward.

Why was Stanley acting upset with him? He’d been the one to get Pa off his back.

“What? What did I do this time?”

“What didn’t ya do?”

The words dripped bitterness and Ford was taken aback by them even as he rose to his own defence. “You’re not seriously making this about me.”

“Technically you’re the one who made it about yourself.”

“I did not!”

“I’m sorry, what was that ‘what did I do’, then?”

Ford glowered at his brother and crossed his arms over his chest. It wasn’t often that his brother got like this. He swallowed the urge to yell at Stanley when his pulse spiked as his frustration levels rose; they wouldn’t get anywhere if he let the anger get to him. He acknowledged that he’d already made a mistake in conversation and steeled his expression as he asked his brother what was wrong.

“Ya had no right, Stanford!”

Ford startled at the sudden volume, his arms tightening their hold on his sides. He hated being shouted at, even when he understood, logically, that his twin was only yelling at him because there was nobody else to yell at. Still, it didn’t stop the stinging and confusion that the words brought on.

“What are you talking about?”

Stanley glared hard, his jaw clenching as he elaborated for him. “I didn’t need your help.”

“Wait, seriously? You’re mad at me for getting Pa off your back?”

His genuine bewilderment must have been evident because Stanley’s glare shifted into a less enraged scowl and he muttered, “I can handle myself.”

And that was a laughable statement if Ford had ever heard one! He didn’t laugh though- couldn’t find it in himself to do so. However, he did allow himself a small scoff before he spoke, looking past his brother so he wouldn’t have to see how the words affected him.

“Right, that looked like you were handling it.”

He knew it was a low blow before he’d spoken, and the way Stanley tensed out of the corner of his eye was all he needed to know he probably shouldn’t have said it at all. Never let it be said that he thought everything through completely before he spoke.

Ford braced himself for the cuss-out he knew he deserved, then, and frowned when it never came. All he got was a growled order to shut up.

Oh. All… right…

“Seriously, what’s wrong? You’ve been so… so passive these last few days.”

The reaction was immediate, if the complete opposite of what he’d had been hoping for. He turned away once more to stare at the waves beating against the shore, his entire frame tense. Ford scratched the back of his neck then, at a loss for what to do next. All he could think to do was stay quiet and hope his brother would eventually come out of it and talk to him… or prod at him until he gave in.

One of the options would be slower and might not yield any result, the other had the potential to make his twin angrier, yet it promised some form of answer.

In the end it wasn’t any sort of real contest.

“I’m sorry, Stanley. I’m not trying to make you mad, it’s just… I’m not used to seeing you this way. You know what I mean? You’re usually so… you, and recently you haven’t been.”

His brother’s stance sagged a little and Ford felt relief flood his system. Good, he was saying something right, at least, even if it was coming out less than eloquently. He wasn’t too keen on speaking from the heart without any sort of “nerdy stuff” (as Stanley liked to call it) backing him up, but at least his twin knew he was being sincere.

“You’re worryin’ me, Stanley, and I’m sure you’re not meanin’ to. I just… Aside from defendin’ you, did I do something?”

“What- no,” Stanley shook his head vehemently before leaning against the swingset, as if using solid weight of it beneath his hands to summon the courage to keep speaking. “I don’t know what it is. Lately…”

“Lately?” Ford nudged gently. He could tell he wanted to keep going, but just like he wasn’t great at speaking from the heart properly, his twin had trouble putting words to how he was feeling.

“Lately I just don’t see the point in tryin’ anymore.” Stanley sighed when Ford frowned, his confusion evident, “I mean, I wanna do better, but what good is trying when nobody cares anyway?”

“I care!” Ford ignored the pang in his chest with the knowledge that Stanley thought he wouldn’t and continued, “Of course I care, Stanley! Why wouldn’t I? And- wait, why didn’t you tell me when you started feeling like this?”

Stanley shrugged and scuffed the toe of his shoe on the sand. “Didn’t want you to think ‘m a loser.”

The admission was so quiet the ocean sounds almost drowned them completely, but Ford caught them, as well as the unspoken “like Pa”. He swallowed the lump that suddenly tried to form in his throat. He really thought he’d think so low of him? Why? Had he ever given his brother an indication that he could ever think that?

Oh, Moses, what if I did? When could that have been? Every conversation they’d ever have tried to spring to mind then and Ford nearly missed his brother’s next words as he searched through his own memories.

“Also didn’t wanna get your hopes up. Y’know, like Pa. Expectin’ somethin’ more from me even though I got nothin’ to give.”

“That’s not true,” Ford cursed the hoarse edge in his voice but powered through, “I don’t know where you got that idea, Stanley, but it’s not true. What made you think it was?”

The question was met with silence and Stanford wanted nothing more than to see his brother’s face then. Stanley could be his own worst enemy when he wanted to be, and if he’d really been feeling this way about himself for as long is it sounded, he was in a bad spot. Ford would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit he felt awful for not noticing sooner.

Had Stanley been that good at hiding… or had he just not seen because he assumed he was fine?

Ford waited a couple more seconds for something, anything, that might tell him how his brother was doing. When he received nothing, he stepped forward so he was in front of Stanley; it was driving him insane, not knowing what was going through his head.

The sight of tears swimming in Stanley’s eyes was not what he’d been expecting, and it was enough to make Ford feel like he’d been punched in the gut. He bit his lip as his twin stared back at him, looking as scared as he’d seen him in a long time, and Ford’s hands shot out to grab his brother’s shoulders, steadying him even though he didn’t need it. He didn’t know what else to do.

Just how long had this been bothering him?

“Lee?”

His soft inquiry had Stanley closing his eyes tight and shaking his head. Ford’s heart clenched painfully in his chest. He hated this. This… he couldn’t even fully comprehend what “this” was, but it was awful.

Oh, Lee. I’m sorry.

Without putting much thought into his actions, Ford brushed Stanley’s not-yet-gelled hair out of his face, gentle even though he didn’t need to be. When he spoke again, he kept his voice soft.

“What makes you think you have nothing to give?”

Stanley shook his head once more, a shaky sigh escaping him. “It’s stupid.”

“If it’s upsettin’ you, it’s not stupid,” Ford countered immediately. Stanley needed to understand that, believe that, even if he didn’t believe anything else Ford ever said. If there was one thing he’d always cared about more than anything else in the world, it was his brother, and Ford couldn’t see that ever changing.

Stanley’s throat bobbed as he gulped. “Pa’s right. I’m never goin’ anywhere. And I don’t want you to be disappointed cuz of me. I know ‘m not smart.”

“Of course you’re smart!” Ford gaped and leaned back in his surprise, “Why would you say that?”

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say, though, as Stanley wrapped his arms around his middle and looked back down at the ground. “Told you you’d think it’s stupid.”

“No, no, Stanley, I’m sorry,” Stanford ran a hand through his hair, forcing himself to slow down. If he wanted his brother to keep talking, he knew he had to be fair and not continually interrupt him. It was just hard not to, when he was beating himself up. He wasn’t used to hearing him talk like that.

“S’fine,” Stanley sighed after a minute, “I know what you mean. But… I’m right. ‘M not smart- at least not in the way you are,” he quickly added when Ford opened his mouth to object again, “Not in the way that counts. An’ I never will be, so what’s the point in… in tryin’?”

As Stanley continued Ford noted with growing alarm that his voice sounded closer to breaking with every word he said, and that he had no idea what to do if he started crying. It was rare for his brother to shed tears -which was odd, considering how he wore his heart on his sleeve- and the fact that this was all coming out after a typical, if unnecessarily harsh, scolding from their father meant Stanley had probably been letting these thoughts fester for some time. It wasn’t a comforting realization.

“Sure, I got boxin’, and at least I can do that- or, at least I could - but people expect that. Why try any harder at anything else when everyone’s only gonna care about what they want you to do?

I… I bet I would do good in school, but… why bother? Nobody believes I can do it, and if I do, they assume I cheat, because you’re the smart one- a-and that’s not a bad thing! You’re a genius and you deserve to have people know it. But… I don’t know. I guess, I’m not goin’ anywhere in life, so it doesn’t matter what I do.

I could try to change, but at this point… it’d be pr-pretty useless. Ya know? They’ll never see me any different. I’m the spare, the idiot wh-who can’t do anything right… and I… Sixer, at this point I don’t even wanna have the option of being anything more than what they think I am.”

Stanley choked on the last word and Ford felt his heart shatter several times over. He hadn’t realized... hadn’t even considered… How could he have missed so much? How had he not seen that Stan was so torn up inside? He… he was his twin, his best friend, and he hadn’t noticed how much everyone’s words had been affecting him…

He didn’t even know what to say; how could he begin to apologize or make things better for his brother, but he found himself speaking anyway.

“You’re not stupid, Lee. I wish you would stop sayin’ you are.”

The whimpering noise that came from the back of Stan’s throat kept him going, filling the silence in hopes that he’d say something that would make his brother stop hurting so badly.

“Lee, you try harder than anyone I know- myself included. I don’t care if nobody else believes that so long as you do. You need to remember that. I know you try, I know how great you are. And, Lee, you are smart. Really smart! Sure, maybe not in the same way I am, but who says that’s a bad thing?”

“Uh, everyone?” Stan scoffed and Ford shook his head and gripped his twin’s shoulders once more.

“No. Forget everyone else. If they think you’re stupid, then that’s their problem, and they’re the real idiots. And, c’mon, I’m dumb in a bunch of ways myself-”

Stanley took a turn shaking his head and Ford couldn’t contain a harsh laugh before he pushed on. “Please, Stan, I can’t talk to anyone outside our family without sounding like a pretentious jerk- not to mention I don’t know how to talk to girls at all! Lee, I once had my wallet stolen by a kid who asked to see my library card!”

That pulled a little chuckle from his twin and Ford could’ve wept with joy.

“Exactly! I’m dumb in plenty of ways, if simply not knowing something is your definition of that word. So… you aren’t stupid. And… anyone who thinks you are just because you aren’t brilliant the same way I am, they’re morons- Pa included. Screw expectations, Stanley! Out of everyone in town, you’re the one who’s always saying, what was it? ‘Rules and expectations are for nerds and squares’? Those are things for people like me, Lee, not you, and that’s what makes you so amazing!”

Stanley’s head shot up in surprise and Ford thanked his stars that he was pulled back enough to avoid collision. His brother stared at him, eyes wide and damp and he took the momentary shock to keep going, rambling less as he realized what he wanted to say. What he needed to say. Stan needed to know just how special he was, and damn it all if he wasn’t going to do his best to be the one to get him there.

“Yes, you’re amazing! You think outside the box and you get things done in creative and sometimes downright brilliant ways because of it.” A frown marred his twin’s face at that and Ford huffed under his breath before a memory struck him upside the head.

“Hey, remember back in ninth grade, when we had to make that presentation on genetic functions, and I had been putting way too much thought into it, to the point where I was making myself anxious?”

His brother nodded slowly.

“I had been overthinking it, remember? You were the one who came up with the solution to it for me. I got an ‘A’ on that because of you. Just because you don’t think in ways considered conventional doesn’t mean you’re dumb. And you know what? Pa’s wrong if he thinks you’re gonna end up a failure, cuz you’re not. You’re going to go so far in life. You, Stanley Pines, are one of a kind!”

Stanley sagged forward then, dropping his forehead into the crook of his neck. Ford was quick to wrap his arms tightly around his brother, smiling softly when he felt Stan give him a light squeeze.

“And you could never disappoint me,” He added in little more than a whisper.

When his twin’s shoulders shook as a damp spot formed on the collar of his shirt, Ford shushed him quietly, rubbing small circles into his back until he calmed down. He wiped at his own eyes with his free hand before Stan pulled back, eyes red-rimmed but otherwise looking… Ford almost dared say, better. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Either way, he didn’t look nearly as miserable as he had minutes prior.

“Heh,” Stanley chuckled, doing away with the silence as he gave Ford’s shoulder a light punch. “I still have to get good grades now cuz a’ you, you jerk.”

A smile overtook his own expression and Ford rolled his eyes. “I can help you. Besides, if all else fails, you can just copy off my work… at least enough to keep Pa off your back.”

“Alright, I guess I’m pacified,” Stanley nodded, going to take a seat on his designated swing.

“‘Pacified’, huh? That’s a new one for you,” Ford nudged him lightly in the ribs as he took his place on the opposite seat. Stan only sent an unimpressed raised brow in response, which served to make Ford snigger.

They sat like that for some time, until the sun was high in the sky and they both knew they should’ve been doing homework or chores, or something equally as productive. Ford hadn’t realized how long it had been since they’d both been that relaxed until that moment. Naturally, in the past he’d assumed that Stan was just as at peace as he, but now, after finding out all that he had, he could look back on those moments and see that his brother had always been… out of it.

Now, though, with nothing weighing down so heavily upon him, Stan seemed to genuinely be enjoying the quiet.

Or, perhaps not, if the way he shattered it meant anything.

“I still can’t believe ya actually thought that kid wanted to see your library card.”

“Wha- I didn’t- I mean-he was ten and looked innocent enough, and we’d been talking about books, it was an honest mista- Stanley knock it off.”

Ford huffed indignantly, his cheeks coloring as Stan’s booming laughter echoed around them. Yeah… that had not been one of his finer moments, he supposed. And, honestly, thinking back on it, Ford really could see the humor behind his blunder; it was no wonder his twin found it so funny.

At least Stanley knew he wasn’t lying when he said he could be a real moron. They both knew firsthand how true of a statement that was. The real amusing part of that memory, though, was how they’d gotten the wallet back by having Stan con the kid. To this day Ford wasn’t even sure he understood how his brother had done it so smoothly, but it still managed to impress him whenever he thought about it. He’d even convinced the kid to give them ten bucks for the trouble.

And Stanley thought he wasn’t smart.

[jodyedgarus]

Is The Vegas Golden Knights’ Run As Amazing As Leicester City’s?

Last summer, when it was time for bookmakers to release the odds on the upcoming NHL season, the expansion Vegas Golden Knights were an afterthought. According to the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook, they had the worst chance to win the Stanley Cup of any team in hockey, at 200-1. How long are those odds? The Cleveland Browns, who are perennially terrible, currently have much better odds (100-1) to win the 2019 Super Bowl.

Congratulations to you, then, if you put a few bucks on Vegas at the beginning of the season: All the Knights have done since is finish the regular season with the fifth most points in the NHL, then sprint through the Western Conference playoffs while losing just three games. That torrid run has landed them a spot in the Stanley Cup final — and opened up comparisons with other unlikely Cinderellas. For us, the one that immediately sprang to mind was Leicester City’s unlikely run to the English Premier League title in 2015-16, which also stunned pundits and bookmakers. But which was truly the more impressive feat?

Let’s get one thing out of the way early on: The Golden Knights aren’t your average expansion team. In fact, we published a piece way back in October in praise of their expansion roster. We didn’t think they’d win the Stanley Cup — though we were cautious not to entirely discount the upstart desert dwellers — but we also didn’t think they’d be as bad as others in sports media figured they’d be. In terms of goals versus threshold (GVT) statistics,1 the Golden Knights had the most talent of any expansion team that joined the NHL since 1991.

The Golden Knights managed to nab some key pieces in the expansion draft — a former 40-goal scorer plus several former 25-goal scorers and a Stanley Cup-winning goalie who’d been drafted No. 1 overall and was once considered a cornerstone to one of the decade’s most successful franchises. Even then, instant success for Vegas looked unlikely: Since 1991, the average expansion team had only managed to collect 57 points in its inaugural NHL season. But Vegas ended up blowing away those expectations en route to the best expansion season in the history of North American pro sports.

Like the Golden Knights, Leicester faced long odds at the beginning of its championship-winning campaign. Infamously, the sportsbook Ladbrokes offered 5,000-1 odds against Leicester winning the EPL title. That number, which was bandied about constantly in the wake of the Foxes’ surprise championship, was probably a sham, set to entice people to place any bets on Leicester at all. The notion of any team having such long odds in a 20-team league is a bit absurd, even by the parity-hating standards of European soccer. To put 5,000-1 in perspective, consider this: Texas Southern’s odds of winning the 2018 NCAA men’s basketball tournament — as a No. 16 seed that had to first get past a play-in game, then rattle off six straight wins over major schools — were only 1,000-1 this past March.

The “real” odds of Leicester’s victory were staggering enough, though. Leicester had to play near-perfect soccer for the final two and a half months of the 2014-15 season just to avoid relegation.2 According to our Soccer Power Index (SPI), Leicester City was the 12th-best team in England entering the 2015-16 Premier League season. Preseason odds for the 2016-17 and 2017-18 seasons indicate that the 12th-best team in the league would have roughly 465-1 odds to win the Premier League. That may not be 5,000-1 long, but it’s quite long by North American standards. (See Browns, Cleveland, above.)

Though there was an argument that Leicester City’s odds should have been even longer, the greater consensus is that bookmakers grossly underestimated the Foxes. (And the bookmakers have admitted as much.) After their championship, at the beginning of the 2016-17 season, Leicester City found itself as the 13th highest valued team in the Premier League according to TransferMarkt, a website that assesses the talent value of each club-soccer player and team.3 Leicester was never the best team in England, even when it won the Premier League crown, but it wasn’t the worst team in the EPL, either. Sure, the league title was improbable — but it probably wasn’t 5,000-1 improbable. That’s why the 465-1 number above seems about right in retrospect.

(Here’s more evidence that Leicester City eventually settled into a tier befitting its true talent level: In the two seasons since winning the Premier League title, the Foxes have finished 12th and ninth, respectively. That might look disappointing when compared with their extraordinary 2015-16 season, but it also makes perfect sense when viewed through the lens of the team’s transfer-market value and other metrics.)

In the case of Vegas, the Golden Knights’ long odds were certainly influenced by the fact that they were an expansion team — conventional wisdom assumed it was inconceivable that an expansion team stocked with hockey men who’d never played together could win the Stanley Cup. But Vegas’s odds also fall short in comparison with Leicester’s because an improbable championship run is slightly easier in the NHL than the EPL. Hockey has a salary cap to promote balance; soccer teams spend money like it’s going out of style. Hockey’s standings have a wacky loser point to introduce needless confusion; soccer’s table is cold and uncompromising. Hockey’s playoffs are a crapshoot; soccer doesn’t even bother to have playoffs.

Of course, like Leicester, Vegas also might return to earth next season. There’s no question that forward William Karlsson has been a revelation,4 but his shooting percentage is bound to regress, which means he’s probably not going to be a back-to-back 40 goal scorer. Likewise, goalie Marc-Andre Fleury is having by far the best postseason of his career, and one of the best postseasons in NHL history — a feat he’s unlikely to replicate next season. When Leicester City won the Premier League, Jamie Vardy and Riyad Mahrez each had the best seasons of their respective Premier League careers. And while each player has been very good since, neither has managed to produce the numbers he did during that magical championship run. The Knights have their share of players who fit the same description.

But whether they’ll be good again next year doesn’t matter much to Vegas right now: They’ve already made history as the first NHL expansion team to make a championship series in 50 years. And though the 1967-68 St. Louis Blues did indeed make the Stanley Cup final in their first NHL season, they did so by winning a six-team conference stocked exclusively with other teams playing their first NHL season. The Golden Knights had to navigate a notoriously difficult Western Conference playoff stocked with established NHL franchises. Now, they are just four wins away from becoming the only NHL expansion team to win a Stanley Cup in their inaugural season.

Maybe Karlsson only scores 27 goals next year. Maybe Fleury transforms back into the inconsistent goalie we saw in Pittsburgh. If they do so for the defending Stanley Cup champions, though, it’s a safe bet that no one in Las Vegas will care.

from News About Sports https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/is-the-vegas-golden-knights-run-as-amazing-as-leicester-citys/

[hemcountry]

LAUDERDALE'S LIFE - A SONGWRITING LEGEND

It’s not too often that you get the opportunity to speak to someone like Jim Lauderdale, where most of the names that come up in conversation have all secured their own places in the music history books, too. Harlan Howard, Buck Owens, Ralph Stanley, Buddy Miller, Robert Hunter, Patty Loveless, George Jones, Harry Chapin, John Oates, Lucinda Williams, Rodney Crowell, John Levanthal, Emory Gordy Jnr. And for good measure, a tale relating to John Lennon that almost steals a beat of your heart when you think about it for a moment. Nope, it’s definitely not too often that you hit lucky enough to chat with someone like Jim. Hardly surprising, though, given the fact that there aren’t many like Jim out there. In fact, when we talk about Jim Lauderdale, we’re into talking about once-in-a-lifetime talents territory. And it was my good fortune, and great pleasure, to talk to the man himself recently.

Jim Lauderdale, one of country music’s true songwriting legends.

Sadly, when we spoke it was only a few days after the shooting at Jason Aldean’s concert in Las Vegas, followed by the untimely death of a true rock and roll icon,Tom Petty. It would have been impossible not to begin by touching on both for a moment, so I asked Jim if he’d like to share what was going through his mind on either event?

“Yes, oh my gosh. It was mind-numbing, both of those different tragedies. What happened in Las Vegas was just unfathomable. I’m still, and I think everybody is really, we’re just reeling from it. And then Tom last night. I mean, he’d just wrapped up a very successful leg of his tour and seemed to be very healthy. His music really brought a lot of enjoyment to millions of people. He was a real master [entertainer] and he’s really gonna be missed.”

‘London Southern’, OUT NOW

Jim’s new album, ‘London Southern’, is his 29th, an extraordinary output by anyone’s measure. It includes a song co-written with John Oates, called ‘If I Can’t Resist.’ Now Jim has described Oates as being, ‘More hungry than most guys that are on their way up.’ I put it to Jim that, given his vast back catalogue, that same could be said of him. And I asked him, what keeps him hungry to keep on writing and recording?

“It’s just the desire to get these songs out as they come to me, or if I’m collaborating with others. It’s just a need I have. Something I have to do is to write, and then to sing. So I stay in the studio frequently and I tour more and more these days. It seems like both the recording and the touring has continued to grow through the years, and I’m really glad about that. So writing songs and recording them, it’s just such an intense, challenging, but wonderful process. And like I said, I just have to do it.”

I’d read somewhere once that Jim never ‘refuses’ a song if he feels one coming on, even if it has nothing to do with whatever specific project he might be working on at that time. If the song comes to him, Jim takes it.

“Yes, that’s right. And I often wonder if my mind plays tricks on me, that when I’m working on a particular project, that’s when I get song ideas for a different style of music [laughs]. If I’m working on more of a soul type thing, then I might get an idea for a bluegrass song, or a traditional country type song, or vice-versa. But that’s o.k! I let my mind play those tricks! [laughs].”

Jim with stars of the ‘Nashville’ tv show, Chris Carmack (L) and Sam Palladio

Whenever I’m thinking of buying an album by an artist I don’t really know much about, one of the first things I do is check out the song titles and the songwriting credits. That’s how I first discovered an amazing Texan artist called Sunny Sweeney, she has three of Jim’s songs on her ‘Heartbreaker’s Hall of Fame’ record. In other words, if I see a Jim Lauderdale song on an album, that’s good enough for me: sold! And Jim is often referred to as a ‘songwriter’s songwriter.’ I wondered what it meant to him to be the subject of such a description?

“It’s very flattering. But I try not to…well, I feel like I’m still in the beginning stages of my career, so I don’t let that stuff go to my head because I’m always onto the next project. And it’s always challenging for me to get through those projects and come up to the level of other writers that are out there. So I’m always kinda doing the next thing and not thinking too much about my past work.”

As a writer Jim is nothing short of prolific. A few years back, he released a staggering FOUR records in just ONE year. How does something like that work on a business level?

“[Laughs] It doesn’t! It doesn’t work that way [laughs]. And even though I get told that by people trying to advise me, I just do it anyway. And actually, this record that’s out now, ‘London Southern’, those records came out after I’d recorded ‘London Southern’ and I was waiting for the right home for it. So these other things were kinda coming out, these other songs and project ideas, and I thought, well, ‘London Southern’ will hopefully be out in the spring-time so I’ve got to clear the decks and get these others out. And this went on for three or four years. So finally, I found a home for it which is in the U.K, on a label called Proper Records, that really liked the album a lot. I knew from their enthusiasm about it that it was in the right place at last so I’m really happy about finding that home for it.”

In the heart of the moment….

Another area in which Jim moves at an astounding pace is when he co-writes with Robert Hunter, lyricist of The Grateful Dead, with whom Jim has recorded and released a number of albums. Once, they wrote EIGHTEEN songs in just EIGHT days, and another time, a phenomenal TEN songs in a day and a half! In those instances where Jim and Robert write together, are they going in with ideas ready to bounce off each other or does every song start from scratch?

“Starting from scratch, usually. In the early days when Robert Hunter and I started writing, I was doing my first album with one of my bluegrass heroes named Ralph Stanley. So I contacted Robert just on a whim, thinking, you know, he’s probably not going to return my message but I’ll at least try. But I think he and Jerry Garcia were such fans of The Stanley Brothers that he agreed! So we went from there. And either he would give me a completed lyric and I would write the music to it, or I would give him a melody. And when we’re in each other’s presence he would either hand me a lyric or a melody would just come out, which I would record quickly and send to his computer. Then he’d work in one room, while I’d work in different room coming up with another melody. Usually one or the other of us gives our contribution to the other to get things started. But during those circumstances we’re both usually pretty fast with each other. And it’s something I still have to pinch myself about, to realise that I’ve written with Robert. I think we must have written about one hundred songs together.”

Now if that ain’t a view….! Jim on the Opry stage again.

J.T Osbourne, of The Brothers Osbourne, observed recently that he feels like Nashville songwriters these days might be thinking too much about what they think people want to hear, and not enough about what they, as songwriters, actually want to say. What was Jim’s take on this?

“He might be onto something there. I think that there are so many talented songwriters in Nashville. And I think that it’s hard to know what’s going on in their creative process. But in a lot of circumstances when you’re co-writing the goal is to get someone to record that song. So I think that’s sometimes how trends happen in the music market, when one thing is successful then it’s followed by a lot of things that sound like it, whether it’s melodically or thematically. So, it could be a conscious or a sub-conscious thing with writers sometimes. But there are just so many talented songwriters that end up in Nashville and write with each other, and with commercial music in general, even the most mundane type songs will be written by great writers who are still more than capable of writing profound and deep songs. But these other ones ended up kind of making it through the cracks and somehow being commercially successful. But those writers, there’s more than meets the eye as far as their abilities go. Does that make any sense?”

Jim and Buddy Miller backstage at the Ryman.

One of my favourite songs of Jim’s (and one of my fav country songs, come to think of it) is ‘The King Of Broken Hearts.’ I love the story of how Jim wrote it after hearing Gram Parsons describe George Jones as being just that; the king of broken hearts. But what’s always intrigued me is the story of how George himself came so close to recording the song….

“That’s right, that’s right. I was working on an album that was being co-produced by Rodney Crowell and John Levanthal and I got a call at the studio from Emory Gordy Jnr., who’s married to Patty Loveless, and is a very talented producer and bass player, and he told me that George wanted to record the song. So I was totally overjoyed. Then Emory said, ‘But there’s a problem. George is having a hard time singing this part of the song, could you change the timing of it?’ So I thought for a minute, and I think I said well, yeah, sure, sure. But then I think I thought for another minute more and I said, ya know, it just won’t work. Unfortunately. That’s like such a huge part of the melody of the song. So I had to say gosh, ya know if there’s any way he can do it that’s great, but I can’t change it. And it wasn’t a matter of principle or stubborness or anything, it was just that it would it would totally change the song. So it wouldn’t be what it was if I did that. But I did get to perform that song in front of him at one of his birthday celebrations at the Grand Ole Opry house so that was really special. And there was a play that was in Nashville at the Ryman Auditorium, about Tammy Wynette, and I actually portrayed George Jones in that. And that was a real thrill for me. And he came to the show, too. I’m a George Jones…freak, I guess [laughs]. I just love his music so much, and his voice.”

Jim with Ricky Skaggs

Harlan Howard, even today, some fifteen years after his passing, is still regarded by many as the master of country music songwriters. And naturally, there’s another great story here about Jim, and when he and Harlan wrote together. I’m sure there’s probably far more than one, indeed, but one I particularly love concerns the song ‘You’ll Know When It’s Right.’ Essentially, Jim was telling Howard his story of one particular heartache and Howard reassuringly replied, ‘You’ll know when it’s right’, and went on to craft the song from the rest of the details of Jim’s pain! That, folks, is songwriting genius! But what was it, in Jim’s view, that made Harlan Howard so special as a writer?

“Well, he was very in touch with mankind. He had worked in a factory in Detroit before he ended up moving to California for a while, He was roommates in California with Bobby Bare and kind of got into getting cuts with Buck Owens and things, so eventually moved to Nashville. But I think that when he worked at an auto-factory in Detroit at like a eight-to-five job, that he had a strong work ethic. And he wanted to get away from that kind of life and just be a songwriter. But one thing he would tell me when we wrote, was that he really wanted to go abroad, to places like the U.K, and Ireland, and just sit at a bar and talk to a guy who drives a truck. He said, ‘I just want to sit there and talk to the everyday working man.’ I just feel that he had such an understanding, and an empathy, with the everyday person, somebody that didn’t have great wealth or a title or whatever. He was more comfortable in that kind of situation. I think his understanding of the human psyche really, is what came through in his songs. He had a very conversational way of writing as well. He was really a great guy, who was very passionate about life and about music. It was a great experience to write with him and to be his friend.”

Pattly Loveless once said that Jim, as a songwriter, knew how to, ‘Gut an emotion, head right to the truth, and keep going.’ Is that an instinctual ability, or something that can be learned?

“Well, maybe both. I know that songwriting is something that, for me, parts of it are effortless and come easy. But then other things take a lot of effort on my part to finish. The melodies are always the easiest things for me. And sometimes titles are as well. But to really get into a song and make it work is the challenge for me.”

Sometimes all you need is a comfy chair, your guitar, and some peace and quiet….

So how does Jim know when a song is as bare as it can be, how does he gauge when it’s ready?

“I just kinda know. I have that feeling. There’s an expression, ‘Stick a fork in it’ [laughs], so I think you just kind of instinctively know. It’s like, o.k, I’ve said it, I’ve gotten the point across, and it doesn’t need to be edited or tweaked, or added to. Mind you, with most songs I worry if something is over five minutes! Buck Owens used to say, ‘Well, you’re only two and a half minutes away from a hit!’ Meaning that at any given time, not me personally, but a person can write something and it lasts two and a half minutes and hey…it’s a hit song! And radio has changed a lot, and records have changed a lot. They don’t have to be as short these days. But that was kind of a formula for many years in pop music and country music, that songs were roughly that length or less.”

My last question was one I tend to end with whenever I can. One about advice for songwriters. Michael Weston King, the British singer/songwriter, said the best piece of advice he ever received came from the legendary Townes Van Zandt, and it was just two simple words: Keep going. Now Jim himself has said before that whenever he’s feeling bad or going through something a little on the tough side, he tells himself that he needs to write himself out of that situation. Which, when you think about it, isn’t too far off what Townes advised. But what is the best piece of advice Jim has ever been given?

“I was living in New York city years ago, and Buddy Miller had moved up there at the same time. And interestingly enough, there was an influx of country music writers and singers and musicians that converged on New York city, of all places! Buddy Miller calls it The Great Country Music Scare of 1980 for New York city! [laughs]. I had just gotten a job in a house-band at a large new country venue in Jersey, and they would have national acts come and play there and we’d be the opening act. So that was a big deal for me, and I though this was my big break. But I had auditioned for a play where I was playing the banjo and the guitar – the play had a small bluegrass band – and one actor ended up being called Cotton Patch Gospel. And Harry Chapin, the singer/songwriter, wrote the music. So I auditioned, but I didn’t get it. But the man who did couldn’t fulfill his duties in the show so they offered me the role, but I turned it down. Because I said I had this new thing where I had to do my own music. And Harry Chapin said to me, ‘Well, you’ve got to do your own songs, and don’t forget that.’ He was very gracious. He said you’ve got to do your own things, don’t just do other peoples.’ And that’s what I really wanted to do, but he really reinforced it. He said, ‘Keep that fire in your belly.’ In other words, that passion, that urgency about things. And I thought that was really good advice. I was very fortunate years ago, I used to sing on Lucinda Williams’ albums back when her ‘Car Wheels On A Gravel Road’ album came out, and she had allowed me to open the show playing solo acoustic, then be in her band singing harmonies. So during that time I had already recorded an album and I was ready to put it out. But hearing her songs, and singing them night after night, I realised that the record I had just wasn’t up to par. Not that I wanted it to be like her record, which it couldn’t be, because nobody could do that. Now she didn’t say this to me about my record, even though she had heard it. But for me, from being around people like her, and Robert Hunter, and Harlan Howard, it’s almost like osmosis..it’s like your own kind of understanding of their process, and what they do, or the end result of their work. And in that case, with Lucinda, I just knew that I had to try harder and dig deeper. Because her songs were such masterpieces. I knew I had to go back to the drawing board, so I did, I scrapped that album. You’ve got to be honest with yourself.”

Jim Lauderdale, a master songsmith.

Before I let Jim back to the studio (he was recording on the day we spoke) there was one other thing I had to ask him about. I’d read before, but I was never sure if it was true or just a myth, that Jim had actually been outside The Dakota Hotel in New York on the day John Lennon was shot….?

“That’s right. I used to have to pick up and deliver camera equipment for Annie Leibovitz, so that was the tragic day that she did that last photo-shoot with John and Yoko. I had a gig the night before, a country gig, and I had one [coming up] that night, and I was really tired. I was waiting outside in the hope of catching a glimpse of John and Yoko, and I waited for a while but then I thought I only live a couple of blocks down the street, I’m gonna see him again, ya know.”

And did he really believe that he had actually seen Mark Chapman, standing there, waiting, as it would later transpire, to carry out his evil plan?

“I did, I did. I know I did because part of my thoughts were was I gonna stand around like this other guy waiting for an autograph, and he had an album in his hands at the time. And there was a woman standing with him at the time, but I think she was just another bystander.”

* Jim’s new album, ‘London Southern’, is out now.

Jim’s new album, ‘London Southern’, is out now

LAUDERDALE’S LIFE – A SONGWRITING LEGEND was originally published on HEM COUNTRY

[mizbabygirl]

Blackhawks’ diligence paid off in Tanner Kero’s unlikely journey to the NHL (from The Athletic.com) [04\20\2017]

NASHVILLE, Tenn. — If a college free agent has any traits that could potentially make him an NHL player, general managers normally swarm in his direction.

Finding NHL talent outside the draft is like finding money on the street. There’s also little risk in the case of college free agents. Teams have to put resources into scouting and then recruiting them, but not much is lost if they don’t work out. They can be evaluated in a shorter window because they’re older and can be quickly judged on whether they’re worth keeping. If they do happen to succeed and become NHL players, their benefit-to-cost ratio is quite favorable for teams.

And because there are so few players who slip through the cracks, NHL teams often fall over each other trying to sign them. It’s common for 20-plus teams to be after a college free agent even as front offices understand it’s unlikely those players even ever appear in an NHL game.

Knowing all that, the fact Tanner Kero will again be on the ice for the Blackhawks in a Stanley Cup playoff game Thursday is a true story of someone defying the odds.

Kero flew under the national radar throughout most of his youth career. He played for his high school in Hancock, Michigan, spent a year in the North American Hockey League and a year in the United States Hockey League. He had solid numbers, but was bypassed during his NHL draft-eligible years.

Kero was optimistic, but wasn’t surprised not to be drafted.

“Right away after the draft, you’re just kind of a little upset,” Kero recalled. “You’re not really sure if you’re going to make it [to the NHL]. You have to have that belief from Day 1 to stay positive and prove to yourself you can make it.”

Kero decided to attend Michigan Tech and began a progression. He increased his point production every year in college and was catching some NHL teams’ attention by his senior season.

Rick Comley, a former Division I college coach who works for the Blackhawks in player recruitment, was living in the Michigan Upper Peninsula area at the time and often saw Michigan Tech. He recognized Kero had potential and brought him to the attention of Blackhawks player recruitment director Ron Anderson.

Anderson concurred with Comley’s assessment and began his research on Kero. From Kero’s early junior days to his family life, Anderson dug deep. The Blackhawks were also fully tracking Kero throughout his senior season. Everything came back positive.

“He had the ability, but he was certainly mature, poised, and then he was trending in his on-ice performance,” Anderson said. “He was trending positively even as he went from the North American junior league and then the next step up is the U.S. junior league and he got better when he went to the U.S. junior league, then next step up is college.

When he went to college, he was a freshman, sophomore, his junior and senior years came along and he got better again. In the playoffs, and we followed him at the end of the year, he got even better. We felt he was really trending. He wasn’t one of these guys who was really good coming in and then leveled off. He kept getting better and getting better as the competition got better. The importance of the games got stronger, his game seemed to improve even more. The bottom line is we felt he was strong emotionally, very, very mature, and we saw he had no problem taking his game to the next level and being comfortable in doing that.”

Not every NHL team was seeing the same thing, though. Kero wasn’t one of those college free agents who was drawing an abundance of suitors. The Blackhawks were ultimately one of six teams that offered Kero an entry-level contract after his senior season.

According to a league source, Kero wasn’t as desirable as some college free agents because he didn’t excel in one specific area. His value was being able to contribute in a variety of ways.

“I think one of the things normally with any type of free agent, there’s one kind of distinguishable characteristic of a player,” the source said. “Maybe it’s speed, maybe it’s size, maybe it’s goal-scoring ability, maybe it’s skating. With Tanner, it was a number of things.”

Those number of things included playing bigger than his size at 6-foot, 185 pounds for a center, playing solid defensively and having some offensive ability. He had 20 goals, 26 assists and was a plus-22 in 41 games his senior season.

The Blackhawks had multiple people at Kero’s final college game and made a point of talking to him afterward. The Blackhawks hosted him for a home game shortly after. Blackhawks general manager Stan Bowman and others explained how they felt Kero’s game fit the organization and how he could ascend to the NHL.

It didn’t also hurt Kero got to meet Tony Esposito, a former Michigan Tech star.

“That was pretty special to meet him,” Kero said. “He’s such a big figure through Michigan Tech. It was pretty cool.”

The whole package sold Kero, and he decided to sign with the Blackhawks.

“You kind of see what they need and compare what style game they play,” Kero said. “I think I really liked the style that Chicago plays. I think I could emulate my game around that. You look at what they need and kind of the style they play, some of the little things behind the scenes, weigh the pros and cons and go from there.

There’s a few teams that reached out and I think Chicago is one of the top teams we had that came out and were really great right away. They had me come down for a game and had me meet everyone. They were great kind of filling me in what they do and all the little things they do for the guys in Rockford and everything and just all that behind-the-scenes stuff, just a class act organization and such a good team that it was hard to pass it up.”

Kero beat the odds signing an entry-level deal after going undrafted, but actually playing in the NHL was another hurdle. Kero’s pro clock started ticking as soon as he joined the Rockford IceHogs of the AHL at 22 years old.

The Blackhawks were going to give him time to adjust to pro hockey, but this wasn’t a development period like an 18-year-old prospect. The Blackhawks wanted to gauge quickly whether he could play in the NHL for them.

“He was 22 years old when we signed him,” Anderson said. “Your own players you drafted at 18 a lot of times you’ve given up on them at 22. You got to come in and put your best foot forward. You’re signing him as a pro. You’re not signing him as some kid coming out of junior, some kid coming out of high school and we’ll see if they can play. You’re signing him as a pro with the idea that he’s going to play pro.”

Kero impressed as soon as he got to the IceHogs. He caught some puck luck, scoring five goals in his first six games with the IceHogs in 2015.

But more than that, IceHogs coach Ted Dent recognized Kero could handle himself in all situations. That all-around game Kero built at Michigan Tech transferred over to the AHL.

“With Kers, he had a real good foundation defensively and with his habits when he came to us,” Dent said. “He’s just a responsible player that doesn’t cheat the game defensively at all.”

Kero began the following season, the 2015-16 season, in the AHL, and his first chance with the Blackhawks came in late October. He played 17 games before returning to the IceHogs for the remainder of the season.

Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville liked what he saw in Kero in that first stint, and the Blackhawks decided to give him another chance in December when Artem Anisimov suffered an injury. Kero played well enough then that he’s been with the Blackhawks ever since and has even played on the top line as a left winger and centered the second line at times.

The Blackhawks were so pleased with Kero and foresaw him being a future piece to their puzzle that they offered him a two-year extension. He agreed to it in March.

“Well this year, particularly, showed more consistency in his game, predictability defensively, killing penalties,” Quenneville said after Kero agreed to the extension. “He’s reliable in ways and still think there’s room for growth in his game on the offensive side and with the puck. But he’s one of those reliable guys who you can find ways to use him.”

Anderson and the Blackhawks scouting staff spend hours upon hours on evaluating players who never make it to the NHL. Finding the next Kero is what drives them to keep looking.

“Obviously Tanner took an unlikely path to get to the league,” Anderson said. “Not to say people haven’t done it. You’re playing North American League first, USHL and then four years at Tech. Not a lot of free agents spend their entire career in college and make it. The reason for that is simple — the window is so small for overage/free agent players coming out of college, that is most colleges are bringing in 19, 20, 21-year-old freshmen. If a guy stays for four years, he’s 23, 24, 25 when he graduates. That really shrinks their window of opportunity.

In Tanner’s case, he was a little younger, but still to stay four years and graduate and then turn pro at 22 and then within three years be in the league is kind of a remarkable accomplishment for him. When I say unlikely, when you combine the whole thing, where he was playing prior to the college and then the fact he actually stayed four years and graduated and then was able to make the adjustment, players like Tanner, players in that group, guys coming out of college, overage free agents, they don’t have a lot of opportunity, a lot of time to show what they can do. They have to recognize the opportunity when they get it and seize it.”

Kero doesn’t minimize his accomplishment either. It took a lot of work, confidence and perseverance to get to where he is now.

“Everyone has a different out,” Kero said. “You just got to stay positive and keep believing in yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people say to you along the way or what they think. As long as you believe in yourself and work hard every day, you can make it wherever you want to go.”

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #5 on the Countdown to 2018!

Can you solve quadratic equation?

I have dyscalculia.

Does it annoy you when you have to keep sharpening a pencil because the lead keeps breaking?

I'll stop using the pencil after two or three tries instead of repeating the same behavior and expecting different results. That's one of the definitions of insanity. Stop doing what doesn't work.

Do you like the smell of nail polish?

I don't, but it's not that it bothers me either.

Do you think that downloading music illegally is immoral?

Doing illegal things is immoral unless a Christian must follow God's Word over man's law.

Have you ever had to get stitches?

I've had stitches and staples before, but they weren't too major.

Have you ever broken a bone?

I haven't.

When was the last time you had to study for a test?

Not since I was a teenager.

Are you a part of any societies?

I'm a part of human society, obviously. I'm also a part of a church group in Christian society and I identify as a Constitutional Conservative, but I haven't joined any formal groups that call themselves a society.

Do you like cardigans?

It depends on the cardigan itself.

Do you think there was anything wrong with Miley Cyrus’s Vanity Fair appearance?

I try not to think about shitty celebrities as much as possible.

What's your city or state known for?

Nederland has its Dutch heritage and yet we've got a lot of Cajuns. We tend to have crawfish, boudin and other such dishes.

Texas should be known for some of its richly diverse communities, though. Houston is an epicenter for cultures coming together in one place. It's a great place to visit so long as the traffic and road systems don't drive you nuts.

What's your favorite '80s film?

Maybe 1982's The Last Unicorn which is one of my favorite animated films.

Have you ever been paid to take a survey?

I haven't.

How often do you buy a new item of clothing?

It varies. I don't just buy them as needed. In fact, I found two pairs of PJ pants recently that weren't on my to-buy list.

What do you do with your old clothes; do you donate, sell, give them away, throw them out, etc.?

It depends on why they're old. I'll keep ones that're a little too large in case I gain weight. If they're damaged too badly then I'll just throw them out. I've been thinking of donating a few of my older clothes, though.

Would you ever marry someone you didn’t truly love for a different motive such as money?

I wouldn't. I’m not a gold-digger.

Do you want to get a tattoo right now?

I never want one for religious reasons.

How many times a day do you brush your teeth?

Twice as recommended, of course.

Do you ever question your faith?

I often question aspects of my religion so I can find answers within the Bible concerning moral concepts. That's what you're supposed to do as a Christian because the fool wonders and the wise man asks.

I don't question the existence of God or my belief in Christ all that much now even though I've been asked to ponder the possibility that I'm wrong by others.

Would you change your beliefs because the person you loved told you to?

I wouldn't abandon my entire religion for anyone else, but I can change my beliefs to suit new information.

Do you think anyone has learned a lesson from the Jewish Holocaust?

Some people learn from the past and some don't. That's always how it's been.

Why do you think there are still Holocaust deniers?

Many people deny some truth or another in their lives for varying motives. There are some realities people can't accept, but their reasons on it can differ greatly. You have to really talk with them to understand their viewpoint and motivations.

Do you know who wrote the first dictionary?

The oldest dictionaries we know of were Akkadian Empire cuneiform tablets that contain bilingual Sumerian–Akkadian word lists dated back to roughly 2300 BCE by popular science.

How many days a week do you have to attend school, college or work?

I'm neither in school or college and I'm on disability, but I have a nonprofit group. I can do that whenever I feel like it as the Lady Boss of my small team of helpers. It's a very flexible at-home "job" and I don't always have a case to work on.

Are you under the age of 18?

I'm turning 31 this year on May 27th.

Do you floss your teeth?

I mainly use inter-dental brushes due to the braces behind my lower front row of teeth.

How many cups of coffee do you drink on a daily basis?

It greatly varies. Sometimes I stop drinking it altogether.

Have you ever sworn at a police officer?

I'm not an idiot.

Would you ever consider prostitution?

Never. I respect myself.

What if it was in a state where prostitution is legal and you were in a safe and clean brothel?

Whether the law of man calls it legal or not has no bearing on my choice. God doesn't want me to sell myself out or sell myself short. He doesn't want anyone to give themselves away before marriage. I made that mistake and I'm not repeating it.

Do you see your future as more maternal or paternal or as a professional parent?

I'm only maternal with my cats. I don't want children and I don't even have a uterus anymore.

How far do you agree that the mother is more important in a child’s life than the father?

Both a male father figure and a female mother figure are required for a child's healthy development. Lacking either has a profound psychological, emotional and social effect. God and nature aren't wrong in having a child be born of one male and one female.

Most people don't know what they're talking about when asked this question, though. You have to study the matter scientifically rather than relying on your own feelings and prejudgments.

Feelings are subjective things which are often incorrect when facts, logic and rationale are required along with scientific studies. If you know nothing about the formal study of the human psyche and what's required for a child's overall growth then you don't know what a child needs.

One man and one woman create a new life with equal purpose. Although they have a different affect on their child depending on whether they have a boy or a girl, two parents of both sexes are vastly important in a child's growth.

You can't navigate life simply by your feelings or by using your personal suppositions as if they constitute facts.

Would you ever let one of your children enter a beauty pageant?

At what age exactly? I think some children are too young for them. If she showed interest in her latter adolescence then we would have a serious discussion on the topic with her father, but that's purely a hypothetical for me. I don't want kids.

What inspires you?

My cats, objects I find beauty in, other people's creative work, symbolism. I also look to ukiyo-e and other Japanese concepts such as komorebi, ikigai, yūgen and shibui for inspiration.

When was the last time you attended a wedding?

I don't remember when it was, but I last went to my aunt's wedding when she remarried.

If they ask, do you keep the hanger when you buy new clothes?

I usually don't want it. I've got several of them as it is.

Do you get a headache from strobe lighting?

That's never happened to me before, but I haven't had much exposure.

Who was the last person to give you a handmade greeting card?

My aforementioned aunt, I think.

What do you like most about winter?

The cold weather, snowflake symbology and Christmas are my top three reasons to love winter.

How often do you go on vacations?

Rarely if you only count getting out of the house, but I've had two staycations. One was early last year and the other was in the latter months of the year before. I'm hoping I can do that again sometime this year.

Who was the last person you laughed with?

I don't remember.

Do you know who Stanley Milgram is and do you know what he did?

I can JFGI to find out… Oh, it turns out that I just forgot his name. That happens to me a lot. I'm not good at committing abstract concepts to memory which extends to my experience with dyscalculia as math is an abstract concept as well.

How far do you agree with the psychoanalytic theories proposed by Sigmund Freud?

This really requires an in-depth answer. I know much on this topic and I have much to say. It’s a point of fascination for me.

After comparing the two at length, I usually side with Jung in their differences. Freud's concepts of the unconscious mind and his focus on sex and sexuality is too limited.

I recognize the concept of synchronicity and Jung's analytical psychology formed by his vast wealth of knowledge that utilizes symbology is much more impressive and truthful.

Jung's concepts of introverted and extroverted personalities ring true to me, but I firmly believe that narrowing it down to only those extremes is limited. 

Ambiversion is a very real option to me both intellectually and personally. It describes those in the middle who want and need interaction and solitude to both relax and revitalize themselves.

How do I personally differ? I believe the unconscious mind holds inaccessible information while the subconscious stores that which can be recalled despite sometimes being forgotten.

I believe our unconscious and subconscious minds have both personal and impersonal facets. The ego of a person is influenced by both in my belief.

I believe in Jung's view of dreams not being so focused on sex and sexuality and that their meanings aren't always disguised. They can have various symbolic meanings depending on the dreamer's associations.

Dream meanings aren't fixed and they display both the internal and external world through symbolism and metaphors. Any dream dictionary would have to offer up multiple meanings to the same symbol.

I'm less accepting of a fixed collective conscious despite the belief that we can share similarities within our culture. That doesn't mean a person must strictly adhere to their culture's concepts and beliefs.

A person defines their own pathway rather than being inextricably chained to the past of themselves and their ancestors.

Some of Freud's beliefs are simply perverse nonsense such as the Electra and the Oedipus Complexes. They’re such bizarre ideas about the human subconscious that speak more of him than anyone else.

I believe as Jung did that sex and sexuality are only one aspect of a person's soul and their personal energies. I believe that it's an energy in and of itself along with other manifestations.

I know these energies exist without doubt as I can feel and sometimes see them. That's my experience as an HSP who's an intuitive empath and I won't deny it. It’s a gift from God for me.

Freud is just utterly obsessed with sexual content to the point that it must speak of his own hidden desires and perversities that certainly aren't shared by everyone else.

Freud felt that religion was an escape for most people. He struggled with religious concepts and institutions most of his life.

Jung saw religion as a necessary part of the individuation process. Although he didn't practice a specific religion, he was curious and open-minded to the topic as a point of interest from his archetypal viewpoint.

Religion can't be a healthy escape when it isn't used merely as crutch. It's meant to be a firm foundation rather than an offered bench to escape to when life is painful and difficult.

Jung's open-mindedness was a wonderful thing while Freud was closed off to the idea of exploring the concept with the same curiosity and intellectual honesty that Jung held.

I agree with Freud in his great skepticism of parapsychology, but I disagree on closing one's mind to its possibilities. I find that some so-called "psychic" abilities are merely God's spiritual gifts and that they can really be untapped sciences. The study of energy itself as it lies within all things needs to be explored for instance.

I believe in Jung's theory of synchronicity to an extent. I've felt it at work before in my own life. There are definitely ways in which our unconscious and subconscious minds can connect on a level that may seem psychic.

Even one's conscious mind can closely reflect another's. I believe in shared experiences that may be psychic in nature up to a point.

One key point in my preference for Jung is his open-mindedness in general, but especially regarding the entire idea of religion. He wasn’t completely closed off to it intellectually which is how atheists are. Such an extreme is irrational.

Jung’s ideas were less focused on sex and sexuality in such perverse ways and his acceptance toward the universal importance of symbolism and metaphors is another key point in my choice.

Do you see yourself in a long-term relationship in the next year?

It could happen. I neither expect it or deny that it's a possibility.

What was your favorite Pokemon as a child?

I eventually chose Pichu when he became a playable character on SSB. I rocked so hard when I played as that charrie! ♥

Some other top faves are Gengar, Totodile, Fennekin, Umbreon, Zorua, Vulpix, Absol, Lucario, Purrloin, Litten and Mew.

I tend to like canine and feline inspired Pokemon, but Totodile was my fave starter since I had the best gaming experience with him in Crystal. And Gengar is just one of the best overall Pokemon because his design is so simple yet awesome.

Do you seek the unique or settle for the ordinary?

I'm a very strong individualist who prizes freedom, but I can also appreciate some ordinary things.

Do or do your parents allow you to stay out late?

I'm 30 now, but they didn't let me roam the neighborhood after dark. Mom would eventually call me inside from our fenced-in backyard where our very protective dog was.

When was the last time you had a crush?

I've only ever had a childish infatuation of the sort when I was in elementary school. I quickly learned the basic differences between infatuation and love since I’ve always been a quick study even concerning life lessons.

Would you ever donate blood?

I would if I could, but I can't. I’m an organ donor, though!

What was the topic of the last assignment or essay you wrote?

It's been way too long for me to remember that.

Does it annoy you when you can’t find the end on a reel of sticky tape?

It's a slight bother, but I'm not easily perturbed by things.