#where's the MANIPULATION? where's the ANGST? i don't know. ask me when i wake up. (or don't.)

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Curse Your Name

𖤐❝Halazia❞𖤐

❥Vampire Ateez x fem reader

❝What is destined cannot be avoided.❞

Masterlist + Visualizers

✫彡wordcount: 10k

(✯◡✯)genre: yandere, fantasy, smut, angst

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: see general warnings in the masterlist: talk of virginity and sex, kissing, drinking wine, manipulative hwa and joong take advantage of drunk reader (ONLY by drinking from her), a few mentions of death of a family member

➯a/n: wwwah im scared to let you guys down, i hope you enjoy !!

✫bleeding hearts✫@spenceatiny18 @gigglensnort @londonbridges01 @soobieboobiebaby @kllerwaifu @stayatinykatsy @onyxmango @purple-bell @peachyscenes @emilysecresy @ninjakitty15 @imeverycliche

❝Drink from me and live... forever.❞

MDNI.

𖤐❝I promise.❞𖤐

     𖤐 It was late fall. You were twelve years old.

    The water was cold between your fingers. The grass was soft as you laid on your stomach.

    You were all alone.

    The rest of the village was gathered together, celebrating the life of your recently departed mother.

    But you did not feel like celebrating. You only felt like dunking your head in the water and screaming until you ran out of air.

     When you sat up to do so, a familiar presence had stopped you before you could.

     "Go away, Mingi..." You already knew it was the invisible man. You didn't have to look or ask.

    The grass beside you sunk as his unperceivable form took a seat next to you.

"You're in pain. Has someone harmed you-"

"I said go aw-"

"I will do no such thing." You were shocked at his sudden stern tone. In the years that he's haunted both your dreams and your waking hours, he's always been soft spoken towards you. "I will do no such thing," he repeated a bit softer when he sensed your unease, "I will not leave your side when you are in such pain. Pray tell me, what has hurt you?"

You looked towards the water. The river where he had first came to you, that day you were learning how to fish from your mother. "I cannot speak it aloud... it's too horrible."

You felt his cold hand on your back, you felt him looking at you. You pulled your knees up and hugged them to your chest.

"Your mother?" He asked gently, getting his answer when you began to sob immediately. "Oh, sweet child," his ghostly embrace was more comforting than you felt it should have been; but you took what you could get. "I wish I was here with you. One day I will hug you and make all of your pain go away. I promise." 𖤐

"Did you hear me?" Wooyoung reaches across the gap between his horse and your and Hongjoong's, flicking your arm.

"Owwww," you draw on dramatically, "what was that for?"

You had been journeying with the Vampires for twelve days. Despite your initial efforts to distance yourself, to build a metaphorical wall between you and the trio, you started opening up to them around the eight day mark.

You no longer flinched from every touch, but you certainly didn't search them out. You didn't keep your answers to their questions to one or two words anymore, but you didn't offer them anything unprompted.

"I said we have about another three hours before we reach the castle," he repeats what you missed while you were stuck in your own memories, "do you need to stop for a little bit?"

"Oh," you shake your head, "no, I'm okay. Thank you, My Lord."

Hongjoong hums from behind you, resting his chin on your shoulder. "Your hips must be aching by now, you are still not used to being on horseback."

"I can bare it," you sigh, fidgeting with the bandage on your hand. "My Lords, might I ask a question?"

"Didn't you just?" Yunho, from his own horse in front of you, smiles over his shoulder, "of course, speak freely amongst us."

"Well," you take a breath. You don't know if you really want the answer. Because you're afraid. But going in blind is worse. "What will happen when we arrive to the castle?"

"No need to be frightened." Yunho speaks softly — and you don't have to ask how he knows you're scared. After almost two weeks with the councilmen and their subordinates, you know they can hear your heartbeat quickening no matter how steady you try to keep it with deep breaths. "We will call upon the rest of our soulmates, if they don't greet us when we arrive."

"That's very well but..."

"But...?" Wooyoung mimics you, tilting his head.

"Will... uhm, forgive me for being so crass, My Lords, but will they drink from me like you did?" You really don't want them to. Even though you were beginning to form a sort of trust with the trio, the times they fed from you over the past days always left you feeling queasy.

It was nowhere near as bad as the first time, when you had nearly passed out from the blood loss, but it still leaves you feeling dizzy and oddly warm.

You don't want that feeling from anyone, really. It feels sinful. The warmth in your body feels like it taints your soul. At least with the three of them, you have some sort of idea what to expect. Again, you have the beginnings of trust with them. They always ask for permission after the first day in the church. And you always grant it because something deep inside of you feels... sad at the thought of denying them.

Yunho is the gentlest, but he has the biggest thirst. Perhaps he's careful with you on purpose because he knows that you'll be losing a lot of blood. After you offer up your wrist to him, he kisses your forehead before taking as little as possible — which for him is still... a fair amount.

Hongjoong falls somewhere in the middle. He prefers your neck, which you had found always makes you dizzy the fastest, and left you feeling the warmest. He likes to feed at night; he climbs on top of you when everyone besides the designated guard is asleep and the only thing you see when awakening at the feeling of his lips on your throat is his glowing eyes.

Wooyoung... well, for a lack of better words; Wooyoung is feral. He's only fed from you twice since the day in the church because he knows that he can't handle it — he knows he can't stop himself. Maybe going hand in hand with that, feeding into it, is the fact that he waits until his hands are shaking and his throat is bone dry to feed from you because he's so afraid to harm you. When he finally does ask, and you remove your cloak; he doesn't have any preference or favorite. He tackles you and holds you tightly as he feeds from you, moaning and growling all the while.

If Yunho's soft kiss of gratitude leaves you warm, if Hongjoong's preference for your neck makes you hot — Wooyoung's begging eyes and bestial noises throw a match into your very being and set you ablaze.

But it's been two days since any of them last sunk their fangs into you, and you've connected the reasoning as to why. Wooyoung said the High King has a "large appetite" and Manon was making sure you were very hydrated.

You aren't an idiot.

They're preparing you to be sucked dry.

"Not all at once, no," Hongjoong reassures you with a soft squeeze to your hip. "Since we're already more used to your scent, we will make sure they stay in line. Though..." You can tell he doesn't want to tell you this next part, but he does anyway, "I will tell you that I have never known the High King to wait for anything he wants, and he will want you immediately."

He can hear you gulp. Your heartbeat rattling your rib cage. "I will make sure he's gentle, little one. No harm will come to you. I promise."

𖤐❝It is you.❞𖤐

To say that the castle is imposing would be an understatement. You can almost feel all of the darkness wafting off of the expansive building as you grow ever closer.

When you came up the large hill it was situated upon, a bell had started ringing. You didn't have to be told that the sound was to tell others of the return of the councilmen. Others that include the High King and the rest of his council.

   Hongjoong squeezes your hip gently as he hears your heartbeat speeding up.

There's a parade of servants that are lined up by the main doors, all bowing as your entourage finally arrives right in front of the castle.

"Rise." Is all that Hongjoong says, and they all snap into action; running to help the others in tending to the horses or carrying bags.

He jumps down and points to one of them, beckoning him forward. The servant bows, "thank Th-"

    "No time for formalities. Yes, 'thank The Goddess, My Lords have returned safely', blah blah blah. Listen closely. Gather the others. Gather the King. Tell them we have found her."

    Hongjoong watches the boys eyes widen, and follows his gaze. Wooyoung is helping you down, holding you upright as you stumble.

     The Lieutenant looks back to the boy, "did I say stare at her?"

    "Apologies, Lord Kim-"

    "No. I didn't. Hurry now, they have waited long enough."

    The boy disappears before his eyes, nothing but a blur as he hurries to inform the rest of the royals.

    "I told you we should have stopped," he hears Yunho chastise you as he approaches, grabbing the bag of your possessions. They made it painfully clear when someone else tried to carry your things at an early stop in a city — don't do that.

    "I'm fine, really, Lord Jeong," your rebuttal is dulled by the way you cling to Wooyoung for support.

   "Mhm," Hongjoong manages to make his hum the most sarcastic noise on the face of the planet, and smirks as you throw a measly glare his way.

    "You should have a warm bath to soothe your hips-"

     "They're ready for you, My Lords," the boy Hongjoong had sent was already back, panting as he bows.

    "You're fast," Hongjoong smiles, patting his shoulder as he passes, "good job, kid."

    As Wooyoung helps you towards the open doors, the now smiling boy bows once again. When you bow back weakly; the healer yanks you back up. Before you have the chance to question him, the sounds of the castle overwhelm you. 

    It's bustling with life, or rather with undeath, at the return of the councilmen and the quick spreading information that they have come back with their soulmate.

    People are running around, bowing and reuniting and talking amongst themselves. While you feel a lot of eyes on you, wherever you look the person is always quickly looking down and bending at their waist as you pass with Wooyoung on one side of you and Yunho on the other.

    You try to take in everything going on around you, you glance at all of the grandeur with awe in your eyes that makes the Vampires smile. They know you've never left your village before they arrived and effectively stole you away; and they've taken great pleasure in showing you all kinds of things at every opportunity, every city that you passed through.

    "-had better be important." Someone's sleepy grumble breaks your inspection of the walls and their decorations as Hongjoong throws open a door.

    "Family!" He smiles brightly, earning another groan.

    "How can you possibly be so energetic after such a journey?"

    Wooyoung helps you up the small step into the room, and the idle chatter stops. When Yunho closes the door to the room behind you, it cuts off the lively noise of the castle.

    The room must be a meeting area. Almost all of the space is taken up by an enormous table, nine chairs around it.

    "Dear Goddess..." Your eyes flick to the man who spoke. He has hair that matches Yunho, a light blue. He feels... familiar. He's looking at you like he's looking past your skin, into your soul.

    Because he is.

   He barely even registers that you've grown up, that you look almost entirely different. Because your soul looks exactly the same even as the years have worn down the edges of it. "(Y/n)?"

    The others look between you.

  You hold onto Wooyoung's sleeve as your gut fills with unease, not enjoying their eyes on you one bit.

    "This is her." Hongjoong pulls back a chair and sits back with a wide smirk. "This is our soulmate."

    The room explodes with action.

    You're yanked from Wooyoung's side, into the arms of a buff man. "I knew it! I knew we would find you! Oh, you're so soft," he's nearly purring in your ear, holding you tightly as your feet hover above the ground.

    Two of them are asking a million questions at once, directed towards you and towards the trio that is responsible for finding you.

    The familiar man slaps his hands together and starts praying, thanking The Goddess in jumbled and hurried words.

    At the head of the table, the Vampire with pink hair lets his jaw drop. "...What?"

    The chaos continues, questions flying and making your head hurt even though you don't even try to answer them.

    "Quiet!" The pink haired man bellows, and everyone stills effectively immediately. The man with his arms around you tightens his grip.

    You've already made a guess, and it's proven right. This is the High King. You don't dare look at him after all of the rumors you've heard. It was frightening enough when some of the ones you've heard about the Lieutenant were proven right.

    Those about Lord Kim were almost harmless. Those about High King Park Seonghwa are anything but.

   "Let the girl down," he orders, and the man does so carefully. Yunho is there to steady you, leading your cowering form to the only empty seat beside his own.

    Across the table from Seonghwa, at the other end of the giant table. The distance doesn't provide much comfort when you know just how fast they can move.

    As you sit, Wooyoung speaks with a grin, "isn't she precious?" Hongjoong swears that there's stars in the younger man's eyes, and he can't blame him at all. 

    "Your name is (Y/n)?" Seonghwa ignores his words, looking at you closely and listening to your racing heartbeat.

     "Yes, My King." You whisper, digging your nails into the wooden armrests. You had imagined a thousand different ways this would go if the High King didn't approve of having you as a soulmate. It didn't matter how attached his loyal councilmen were to you if he didn't want you around.

    "It's her. It's her, I have no doubt-" Mingi's voice is cut off by the rushing wind as Seonghwa all but teleports to the other side of the table.

    You yelp as his face is suddenly in the crook of your neck. He sniffs deeply, and grabs onto the armrests next to your hands. You slam your eyes shut, forcing yourself to tilt your head back in submission. He lets out a pleased groan, inching closer.

   The rest watch on, the trio who's already experienced it sharing a smirk as they watch the eldest Vampires skin come in contact with yours.

    The tip of his nose touches your neck and his lips widen in a cheshire grin. A million sparks travel through your body from the contact point. "It is you."

   He leans back, licking his lips. They can all tell he wants to have a taste. The glint in his eyes is undeniable.

   But, much to their surprise, he doesn't. He's holding back. He never holds back.

   He's back in his seat, breathing deeply and swallowing before he speaks. "Might you explain what happened, Hongjoong?"

    As he does, you take a sneaking glance at each of the council. Every time, you're caught — but it doesn't stop you. Especially because they meet your gaze with bright smiles. The only one you don't look at is Seonghwa.

    "You've already been feeding on her?" Yeosang, you've learned, has a small pout as Wooyoung lets slip a comment about how good you taste; and the other two agree with breakneck speed.

     "Have you no self control?" San, ironically the one who grabbed you, slaps Wooyoung's arm.

    "No, no," Hongjoong shakes his hands, "the myths are true. A soulmates blood is... it's a drug. She's a drug. None of you would be able to resist either."

 

     Seonghwa tuts his tongue, "I find that hard to believe." No, he doesn't. Even just smelling your blood through your skin had his fingers itching to grab you and never let go.

    He looks to you. You don't meet his gaze even though he knows you can feel it. "Did they hurt you in their haste?"

    "No, My King."

    Yunho holds back a chuckle at your formality with the man. You were like that with him not too long ago.

   "I don't believe it, either. No body can make a Vampire lose control by their smell alone. Especially not any of us," Jongho takes a deep inhalation, trying to get a whiff.

    Mingi hasn't taken his eyes off of you the entire time. He's afraid that if he even blinks that he will wake up from this dream.

   "She can." Wooyoung stands quickly, turning and rummaging in a drawer. "Here." He's next to you, a needle in between his fingers.

You take it slowly, looking up at him with your brows pinched together in confusion. Then, it dawns on you. "Lord Jung, no-"

"Yes. Prove to them that The Goddess has crafted you just for us. Even the blood that pumps from your heart is created with our souls in mind."

You look to Hongjoong. He promised no harm would come to you, and this seemed like a surefire way to get yourself bitten. But he nods.

You feel like you've never been so exposed in your life.

   There's eight pairs of eyes on you, each of which belonging to a Vampire more frightening than the last one you look at.

    As you scan the royals slowly, your hand starts trembling. "Do- do I have to, My Lords?"

    "Yes," Yunho meets your gaze as you come back to him quickly after taking a peek at the High King. "It's okay ba." He's taken up your dialect in your two weeks together. It makes you slightly less nervous. "We won't let them get out of control."

You take a deep breath and look down at your hands. You pinch the needle tighter and bite your tongue as you prick your finger.

You know realistically that this is a horrid idea. But you seem to trust the three men enough to purposely make yourself bleed in a room full of bloodthirsty strangers.

The reaction is instant and intense, just as it was in the church. San is held back from literally climbing over the table by his belt. Yeosang is sucking in shaking breaths through his mouth, forcing himself to look away. Jongho, the youngest, is slammed back into his chair as he growls and fights against the Lieutenant. Mingi slaps a hand over his mouth, but his eyes still never leave you even as they morph into a crimson color that shows his desires. Wooyoung is smirking as he holds back Seonghwa by his shoulders.

"Please, please," Jongho pleads, meeting your shock widened eyes.

Is he... pleading with you?

"Just a lick," he pants, his red eyes filled with hunger and primal want, "just one?"

"We told you," Hongjoong giggles at the youngests pout, "she's nearly irresistible. Yunho," he nods to the taller man; and he gets the message.

"No!" San whines, a legitimate sorrow in his voice as Yunho leans over and licks the blood from the tip of your finger. He groans as he falls back into his chair defeated, Seonghwa and Jongho following suit.

The lot of them are breathing heavily, purposely to get the remaining scent of your blood or unintentionally from the ton of bloodlust they were just smacked with that was unlike anything they've ever experienced.

You cower in the chair, gulping past the lump in your throat. You were certain that something would go horribly wrong, but the trio held true to their promises to keep you fairly safe.

"I-" The King stutters, gripping the edge of the table with a vengeance. "I should... we should..."

"Take your time, Hwa," Hongjoong chuckles, reaching over and rubbing your arm gently —

"Welcome home, little one."

𖤐❝She is delicate compared to us.❞𖤐

       Seonghwa sits back on his throne slowly, grabbing the sides with trembling hands. He's deeply regretting not sinking his teeth into you, but he knows that this is a... delicate situation.

    When he had found the rest of his soulmates, they were already turned. And while their blood tasted good, it wasn't nearly as tempting as whatever divine curse you are.

    He's been waiting since the day he was born to finally be complete. Now he has all eight of his soulmates under the same roof and he let you be lead away to rest — to rest! He should be worshipping you right now! 

     "Ymanya!" He yells loudly, leaning forward with his head in his hands.

    "Yes, My King?" The elderly looking woman bows as she quickly runs to the throne.

    "I have a new job for you."

    "A job, King?"

    "Yes, a promotion. You are no longer the manager of the staff," he leans back and crosses his legs as he looks down at her. "This job is much more important, so I need you to listen closely, yes?"

     "Of course."

    "You will be the keeper of the Lady of Halazia."

   "The Lady?! You finally found her?" She clasps her hands together, tilting her head back in a short prayer.

     "Indeed, and she is a human," he thinks back to you, your image is haunting him, "she... she is delicate compared to us. I am placing her under your care. If harm is to befall her in any way when we are not present — any manner at all, I will hold you personally responsible. If she trips and falls, I will push you down the stairs. If she gets a cold, I will make you sleep outside. Should she go hungry, you will not even see a drop of blood for weeks. Do you understand where I am going with this?"

    "Yes, My King," she nods, "you needn't worry. I will take the utmost care of the Lady."

     "Good. You are my most capable servant, have I told you that before?" He half-smiles, watching her return the favor.

   "Many times, King."

    "Make sure that it keeps true. We have waited a long time for her, make her feel welcome. Have Gele accompany you, as well. She is good with humans."

   When she bows and turns to leave, he calls out before she can —

    "One more thing, Ymanya."

    "Yes, My King?"

    "Report back to me with what you learn about her. I want to know everything about our Lady."

𖤐❝Why else would The Goddess give you such a fate?❞𖤐

    Clang!

   "Gele, be careful."

You stir at the sound of footsteps around you; groaning as you nuzzle deeper into the pillow.

"Shh, don't wake the Lady." The soft voice whispers, "Lord Jeong will have our heads."

You sit up quickly as you realize where you are.

The chambers they provided you with are bigger than your entire home back in Caethnor.

After being led to them by a servant, who was (very threateningly) told to treat you with the utmost respect, you were left alone for a while.

You did not mind one single bit. It was the first time you had been alone for more than fifteen minutes in days.

You had sat down on edge the large bed and hummed. It was... very comfortable. Just to feel it, you thought as you laid back — and then you were promptly asleep.

By the look of the sun casting the startled strangers in the golden hour light, that had to have been a few hours ago.

The two women jump back, one of them clutching an empty bucket to her chest tightly, "ah!"

"What are you doing?" You scramble to your knife, gripping the handle when the older looking woman speaks.

"Oh, My Lady please! Please, don't fret! Lord Jeong sent us to fill you a bath," she explains quickly, raising her hands to show you that she means no harm.

You eye them frantically, the bucket and the fact that they seem dressed like the other servants you had seen corroborate with her words. You let go of the dagger on your boot and bow to them, "sorry, you startled me."

    When you come back up, they look completely in shock. "...Is something the matter?"

    "My Lady, you needn't bow to us," the younger girl with red hair shakes her head, "you are our superior."

    You rub your eye as you slide to the edge of the bed, "what?" You must still be foggy with sleep. 

    "Oh, Gele," the older woman turns to the redhead, "she was a common villager, she does not know these things! My apologies," she turns back to you, smiling sweetly, "this all must be very drastically different for you."

    "Uhm," you clear your throat. It's the first time someone has acknowledged that. "I suppose it is."

    "Here, come with me, child," she approaches slowly and waits for you to grasp her hand. "My name is Ymanya, this here is Gele." She explains softly as you take her wrinkled hand, standing to follow her. "We will be your maids."

    "I do not think I will need any maids..."

    "Then our jobs should be easy," Gele giggles lightly as she sets the bucket down, testing the temperature of the water in the tub that they had managed to fill without waking you.

    It was only separated from the rest of the chamber by a folding screen, and you almost wonder how they managed such a task before you remember how little sleep you had gotten on the journey.

    "Forgive my bluntness," Ymanya hums before going on, "but the Lords have hand picked us to care for you, and we must do our very best to please them. They have told us they will have nothing but perfection when it comes to your wellbeing." She can sense your hesitation about having someone doing things for you, and she places a hand on your shoulder, "you can think of us as your assistants. We are here to make your life easier, My Lady."

    You can't think of anything that you can't do on your own — but you know that it's probably a useless task to argue with the council. "Must you call me that if we will be so close?"

     "What else would we call you?" Gele asks as she settles on the stool in the area.

    "My name, I would think," you laugh a bit, watching Ymanya reach into a cabinet and retrieve a towel.

    "The Lords have told us to only refer-"

    "Well, what they don't know won't kill them." You sigh, "please, when it is just us; don't use that ridiculous title. I'm not a Lady." 

    It's their turn to be hesitant, thinking over whether or not this is a test. "You are," Ymanya nods, "you are The Lady of Halazia now. You're fated to the most powerful men in the realm, we should address you with respect."

    You shake your head, having a hard time grasping the concept. You are no Lady, you're just a nun from Caethnor. "Respect should be earned-"

    "My Lady (Y/n)," Gele perks up, gesturing towards you, "that might please both you and our Lords. Is that okay?"

    "I... well, I suppose that's better." You give her a smile, "I am okay with that. Should the Lords have a problem with it, I will try to tell them such."

    You jump when Ymanya's hand comes in contact with the back of your dress. "Actually!" You turn around quickly, "this is one task I would much rather do on my own." You ramble out quickly, shaking your head.

    "Of course, Lady (Y/n)," the grey haired woman smiles apologetically, bowing as she ushers the younger girl out, "but I bid you not tell the Lords. We promised Lord Jeong that we would help you. But, I know that it would probably be most uncomfortable for you."

    "It would," you gulp, making the woman chuckle. You're so tremendously different from her Lords. You were born a commoner but you were fated for royalty... it might be nice to have someone like you in the castle. "I will not tell if you don't."

   "A deal, then." She steps forward again and takes your hands, looking at you sincerely, "I hope to help you adjust to life here, Lady (Y/n). I know it is all a lot of change... but you seem like a strong girl. Why else would The Goddess give you such a fate?"

      "Thank you, Ymanya," you squeeze her hands gently. She has an aura of nurture around her, you don't even care that her hands are freezing cold. She's a warm person.

     "We have all waited a long time for you," she looks down, squeezing your hands back, "I am glad to have you join us, My Lady (Y/n)."

𖤐❝I should educate you quickly.❞𖤐

     "Lady (Y/n)?" Gele knocks on the wall next to the screen divider, hovering just outside of it.

    "Yes?" You hum from the water. You should thank them for working so fast to get the hot water in the tub, it feels wonderful on your sore muscles. It's a pleasant feeling to truly wash yourself, not just clean up in whatever body of water you could find. 

    "The Lords Choi have requested your presence in the dining hall after you are finished, should I tell them you accept?" 

    "Uhm..." You sit up in the water, pushing back your hair, "which ones is that, Gele?"

    "The Lords? The Choi brothers, San and Jongho."

     They were both having to be held back, if you recall correctly — and you do. You aren't entirely sure if you want to be alone with them-

    "My Lady, if I may..."

    "Yes, what it is?"

     "Lord Kim will also be in attendance, if that eases your anxieties. I know you traveled with him."

   

       It peeves you that it does, in fact, ease some of your worries. With a sigh of trepidation, you go against your want to just crawl back into the bed and tell her, "yes, tell them I will join them, please."

     "Right away, Lady (Y/n)." 

You hear the click-clack of her shoes and the soft closing of the door, waiting for it to clunk into place before you stand and carefully pull yourself out of the tub.

This place compared to everything you've ever known is like comparing night and day.

You've never known anything besides your little home, and here you are in chambers big enough to put your house inside of; with people calling you 'Lady' and luxuries that you didn't even think of when you thought of how royals might live.

As you dry yourself with the ridiculously soft fabric, you hear the door open again. Ymanya's voice follows, "yes, place them just over there on the bed. The Lady will go through them."

"Shall I take her measureme-"

"Not tonight, she has had rough travels. We will-"

"Ymanya?" You call softly, wrapping the fabric around you tightly at the sound of an unfamiliar man's voice.

"Yes, My Lady?" She responds quickly, shooing the man out of the room and closing the door behind him.

"Who was that?"

"The royal tailor, he has brought some gowns for you. Might I help you get dressed?" She stops just outside of the divider, remembering that you aren't just any Lady or Lord she's served. You aren't used to having people wait on you.

"Gowns? What about my clothes, where are they?" You peek your head out the side of the screen, jumping back when you come face to face with the elderly woman.

"Apologies," she bows a bit as she backs up, "they are being cleaned. And the Lords have had these dresses prepared for a long time, it would greatly please them if you wore one." She looks at you in a way that tells you it's probably a smart idea to start pleasing them; eyes flicking between you and the pile of clothing. "Would you like me to help you pick one?"

Begrudgingly, you step out from behind the privacy barrier and hold the fabric around you tightly. "I suppose so."

She goes through them as she hangs them up in the large wooden closet in the room. They all look like they'll fit you, maybe a few adjustments needed to be perfect — but that isn't what makes you hesitate to pick.

What gives you pause, is the fact that they are all so clearly made for a proper Lady. Supported bodices and flared sleeves and frills and lace corsets in the backs of most of them. Even the basic white shift and stockings you now had on were made of what feels like heaven against your skin.

"Please, My Lady," she sighs, "I know that you probably have never worn such gowns, but I fear the Lords will grow impatient."

You trill your lips as you look over them again. You certainly don't want to make them wait even longer, so you force yourself to choose. "This one."

You can't lie and say it isn't beautiful, because it is. The deep purple fabric has swirling flowers embroidered on the skirt, and the black bodice is meant to be tightened with the matching ribbon that weaves in the back of the torso. But it's meant to be worn by royalty, and you feel far from worthy.

She helps you slip the fabric over your head and smoothes out the skirt with a small smile, "have you ever had your hair done, Lady (Y/n)?" She asks as she comes behind you and begins tightening the built in corset.

   "Not since I was a child, no..."

    "Allow me to do it, come," she leads you quickly to the short chair by the vanity and sits you down. "A Lady should always have her hair done, that is one thing I must insist on." She jokes lightly, carefully combing through your hair.

    "Only because you insist." And only because it reminds you of a simpler time, when your mother would sit you in her lap and put intricate traditional braids in your hair. "May I ask you a question, Ymanya?"

    "Of course, My Lady. I will answer any questions you have."

    "Is there any traditions in Halazia that I should be aware of? I didn't have the best education on those kinds of things."

    "Oh, there is many. Too many to tell you them all now, I'm afraid. Perhaps you can ask the Lords to provide you a tutor — if you want, of course."

    You hum in response, fingers tracing the frill of lace on your sleeve. "Well, any that I should know tonight?"

    She thinks for a moment, her hands pausing as something comes to mind. "Well... perhaps one that I should warn you of."

    "Warn?" You look up to her, eyebrows raised.

   "It's not so much of a tradition as it is... as it is just something that happens. Just something the K-" The smell of your fear is growing as she speaks, and she figures she should stop lest the King have her head if he smells it as well. But you look so pure and... you remind her of someone. She wants you to have a fighting chance; not be smacked in the face with what the night has in store for you. "I'm sorry, My Lady, might I ask you somewhat of an improper question?"

    "Improper how...?"

   "Lady, forgive me, but are you a virgin?"

   "What?!" You squeal, eyes widened at such a sudden and personal question. "I- What kind-"

    "Lady (Y/n), please answer the question."

    You turn back around in the chair quickly. "I... I am."

    That changes just about everything. She needs to tell them, and fast. "Do you know... do you know how those things happen?"

    "Ymanya, please! This is much too scandalous to speak so freely of..."

    She sighs, going back to fixing your hair as she speaks, "in your village, perhaps. But in Halazia, we speak rather plainly about sex. The Lords are often seen kissing and," she clears her throat, "kissing among other things around the castle. It is not taboo here."

    "Why are you telling me this?" You ask shortly. You want this conversation to be over. Because you had just imagined Wooyoung and Yunho kissing each other, and it gave you the same heat in your body that you felt after they drank from you. You need to pray after conjuring such a sinful scene.

    "I would like to warn you, because I can tell you are pure of soul and of body... the Lords do not only have a strong craving for blood."

    You hesitate to ask, but you feel you must.

    "Meaning what exactly?"

    "Meaning; perhaps if you do not know what to expect, I should educate you quickly."

𖤐❝What else am I to do when your heart smells so fearful?❞𖤐

Your heart is pounding wildly, despite the fact that you have now been sitting down for a few minutes.

The large dining hall was empty, and that somehow made the situation worse. Now you had to sit in silence as you thought over everything that Ymanya told you as she finished your hair and led you to the room.

Wooyoung conveniently left out the fact that the Kings large appetite was not limited to blood when you spoke all those nights ago. Ymanya filled in that missing information with the fact that he had ravaged each of his soulmates the night he found them, and their sounds traveled through the whole castle.

And she was regretful to tell you that she expected no different in his treatment of you. She did, however, tell you that she would try to speak with the King and get him to be gentle. She had been serving the castle since before he was crowned, you had learned along with the barrage of information. He trusted her word and took her advice on things to do with staff and care of the estate.

"Your heart is about to beat out of your chest." Hongjoong's voice spooks you into jumping up from the chair. He's entered along with San and Jongho... and Seonghwa. If the King is here, Ymanya hasn't gotten to speak to him.

If it wasn't before, it certainly is now.

"Hey, what's the matter with you, little one?" He asks softly as he joins your side, carefully lowering you back into the seat. "Has something happened?"

"Uh," you shake your head, trembling, "no. No, My Lord, my apologies. I don't mean to worry you."

"What else am I to do when your heart smells so fearful?"

"Are you frightened of us?" San asks quietly as he takes a seat across from you. "Because you needn't be."

"I'm sorry, My Lords, I am just anxious..."

   "Hmm," Hongjoong pouts as he eyes you, "what for? Didn't I say I would take care of you?"

     "Yes, Lord, but-"

     "Then don't fret." He leans and pulls you forward gently, kissing your forehead. "You have no reason to be anxious. Let's enjoy a meal with our soulmates."

𖤐❝I promise myself to you.❞𖤐

     You had blissfully forgotten all of your worries as you spoke with the men, as you ate together.

    You had forgotten most of your fear of the man with pink hair who sat at the head of the table. He's still undeniably intimidating, even as he watches you and the brothers exchange stories with a small smile.

You had, that is, until the sound of hurried footsteps and a voice rang out. "High King!"

Ymanya is bowing repeatedly as she hurries into the room, and seeing her suddenly reminds you why you were freaking out when you sat down.

He doesn't even look away from you as he addresses her. "Is this important, Ymanya?"

"Yes, My King. It is most urgent. I deeply apologize for disturbing you, but I have-"

He looks towards her with a glare, and she stops her rambling. "Then, what is so important that you must barge in here?"

"I'm sorry, My King. Might I speak with you in the-"

"Speak here."

All of your eyes are on her now, and she meets your gaze. Yours isn't annoyed or curious like theirs. Yours is wide and nervous. You shake your head quickly.

Having your maid tell one man that you were a virgin so that he didn't hurt you was one thing. Having her speak it in front of four of them would make you want to disappear from embarrassment.

"Out with it, Ymanya."

"Don't," you manage to squeak as she opens your mouth. "Ymanya, don't."

She looks between the two of you. His gaze demanding and dark, yours scared and embarrassed.

San tilts his head as he leans forward, "Ymanya, you know better than to keep secrets from us."

"O-of course, my Lord, I-"

"Ymanya, please!" You grab Hongjoong's arm as you stand, gripping his sleeve as you look to him, "tell her to stop, Lord Kim. I beg."

"Enough of this!" Seonghwa shouts; slamming his hands on the table, sending you flying into Hongjoongs lap to cower. "Enough. There will be no more of this. If Ymanya knows something important enough to interrupt us, I will know what."

Hongjoong wraps his arms around your trembling figure, "Seonghwa, you are frightening her." He whispers in the tense silence.

"Perhaps you should just speak, Ymanya," Jongho says slowly, placing a hand on Seonghwa's shoulder to ground him.

"I-" She bows deeply, "I'm very sorry My Lady (Y/n). I must tell him. I do not wish for you to be harmed. Your embarrassment will pass."

"Why would I harm her?" He snarls, approaching her slowly. He towers over her, glaring down.

"My King," she looks away from you and towards the floor. "The Lady is a virgin. I bid you, please do be gentle with her... I know how you are with your soulmates, My King. I only wish for her soul to remain unharmed — for you not to taint your relationship. This is why I tell you."

It's silence for a long moment. Sill. Everyone unmoving. Your ears are ringing and hot as you feel the brothers looking at you.

"You may leave." Seonghwa says, his voice tense as he makes his way back to his seat. "Thank you, Ymanya."

"Of course, My King. Apologies for interrupting you, My Lords." She pauses at you, you look like you want to bolt; but Hongjoongs arms around you stop you from doing so. "Forgive me, My Lady."

"Leave now," Hongjoong nods to the doorway, pulling you closer to his chest.

Her footsteps hurry away just as fast as they came.

Silence. Stillness. The air charged with tension.

"Is this true?" Seonghwa speaks up, eyes back on you and unmoving once more. "You are a virgin?"

You nod, just barely.

"Speak, girl."

"Seonghwa, she's embarrassed, leave her be-" Jongho is cut off your yelp as you're suddenly pulled from Hongjoong's lap.

The King has you pressed to the wall by your shoulders, holding you against it as he looks into your very soul; his eyes red. "Speak."

"Yes." You whimper, looking away quickly.

"How is that possible?"

"Because she hasn't had sex yet, dumbass," Hongjoong joins his side, looking down at you with a small smirk.

"But you're so beautiful." He whispers, his eyebrows pushed together as he inspects you. "How did nobody take you yet?"

"It... it is not done in my village, My King. We wait for our soulmates..."

He bites his lip, taking a few deep breaths.

"Not at all?" San asks as he and Jongho join the elder Vampires in crowding you.

"Not even hand stuff?" Jongho looks, arguably, a little too eager — his previous ideal of letting you have space is gone.

"H-hand stuff?" You gulp, flinching when Seonghwa all but falls onto you. His head on your shoulder and his body pressed against you as he lets out a groan.

"You've never..." Hongjoong trails off, moving his head side to side as he thinks of the words, "touched anyone? A cock? A pussy, maybe?"

"Lord Kim!" You gasp, scandalized, "don't say such things! Of course I haven't touched-" You clear your throat, fidgeting against Seonghwa's weight. "No, I haven't. What is the great big deal? I'm already embarrassed, you needn't tease me."

"Oh, this isn't even close to teasing," San smirks, leaning against the wall next to you. "Wait until Wooyoung finds out, that will be teasing."

"You're going to tell everyone?" You pout, already knowing that, if they're making a big deal of this, the others certainly will as well.

"We have to, little one. Otherwise they might jump your bones before we can do the ceremony."

"Ceremony? What ceremony? I don't want to-"

"You must," Seonghwa growls from your neck, startling you, "we must. When a Vampire takes a virgin, it is different. It is not just simply sex. Because the veil of our souls is thinner, our souls will touch when I... when..." He pants, his hands grabbing your hips. "Oh, Goddess, give me strength..."

"We will wait until you are ready," Jongho quickly soothes any fear of being forced into a literal soul shaking ceremony, "otherwise, the bond between your souls will be tainted. And — we don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."

   That's a little bit of hypocrisy when you're still pinned to the wall.

"It's that powerful?" You ask with wide eyes, fiddling with your sleeves. Talk about pressure. You had a friend who told you losing your virginity was scary, and your fear has been multiplied.

"Indeed, it is," Hongjoong reaches and strokes the back of Seonghwa's head from where it's still buried in your neck. "It's the greatest honor for a Vampire to take someone's virginity. That's why people always sacrifice virgins to us, but really we never care. We don't touch them, it's too intimate."

     "Please," Seonghwa whispers mumbled, his lips electrifying your skin, "promise yourself to me. I can make you feel so good when the day comes. I can show you pleasure that you never even dreamt of."

    Hongjoong and San share a smirk as they hear your heartbeat thudding faster and faster and faster.

    None of them were able to resist Seonghwa when they first came to the castle. Wooyoung was the fastest to cave; he let the older Vampire take him on the stairs, he was so fired up. Yeosang held out the longest, he was the shyest, but still he only held out a measly month and a half.

   Nobody can resist Seonghwa.

    Not even you. It's a mix of anticipation and fear which makes you speak —

   "I promise myself to you."

𖤐❝It aches in my bones.❞𖤐

     "This place truly never ends, does it?"

   You follow Gele the next morning, taking in every little detail as she slowly shows you around.

    "It is... expansive," she giggles, opening up yet another door that leads to yet another never ending hall. "This is the- oh, Lord Song." She bows quickly, drawing your attention towards the man.

   "My Lord." You bow as well, greeting the blue haired man.

    "Ah, what good timing! I was on my way to your chambers," he smiles at you as you rise, his eyes bright in the morning sun that filters through the large windows.

   "Really? What for, Lord?"

   "I feel as if we have much to discuss. Gele, if you'll leave us." The woman pauses, taking a look towards you. When he clears his throat, she's quick to disappear.

    "Come," he takes your hand and leads you back the way you came. The tingles make your fingers twitch, but you don't let go. "How are you finding your way so far, (Y/n)?"

    "Good, I suppose. Thank you, My Lor-"

   "You needn't be so formal with me. We know each other!" He throws another smile your way. "Wooyoung told me that you remember me. I'm glad."

    "Oh, yes," you nod lightly, "I remember... some. Mostly from my early teenage years."

    "I have always been there," he admits quickly as you enter the hall in which your chambers reside, "I tried to check on you at least once a day, even if I didn't show myself."

    "Seriously?" You ask jaw-dropped as he opens the door.

    "Indeed. How do you find your chambers?"

    His quick change of subject catches you off guard, "uhm... good! Very good, My Lor-"

   "Mingi." He corrects you quickly, hesitating to let go of your hand.

He looks around the room as if to inspect it. "I haven't been here in some years... not since I lost contact with you. I couldn't bare it."

     "Has this-" You hesitate, watching him closely as he takes a seat on the vanity stool.

   "Oh, go ahead! I'm sure you have many questions, and I will give you many answers."

   You lower yourself onto the end of the bed, looking around the large chambers. "Has this room always been for me?"

    "For a very long time." He nods, somewhat of a nostalgic look overcoming him. "After the first time you heard me, we had it renovated. We were sure that you could be joining us any day. We had no idea we would have to wait so long."

   "Oh..." You nod, not knowing exactly what to say to him. You feel a bit guilty for whatever reason.

    "I used to come here everyday and pray that The Goddess would keep you safe. But, after I could no longer find you, I must admit... I lost my faith for a while."

   "Might I ask," you start softly, "how did you manage to lose me? Lord Jung told me that you were veil walking, and I'm afraid I don't know much about that, but... it seems odd for it to just stop."

    "Oh, well, I am no walker. I'm just a seer, The Goddess blesses me with visions. After you were born, I felt it — well, we all felt it but I felt it. I felt your soul come into creation. And I begged The Goddess to show you to me, but... all I ever got was blurry images. I learned how to veil walk so that I could find you. Yunho tried, but his soul isn't strong enough for such powers."

    You listen to him closely as he continues. "Veil walking is always easier when you are presenting to a child. Their souls are more- more uhm... susceptible. I thought it would be different for us, because we're soulmates. But I think I lost you when you reached womanhood."

    You think back to the time. It was around your first blood that he no longer appeared to you. "Oh, yes. That must have been it. I was no longer a child..."

    "Must have been." He hums, tilting his head, "why do you ask? Seems an odd thing to be curious about with so much more going on."

    Why did you ask? You wonder to yourself for a moment before it suddenly dawns on you. "I do believe I missed you."

    His eyes widen ever so slightly, his heart starts beating a little faster. "You did?"

   "It's odd but-" you swallow, looking away, "you came to be a sort of comfort to me. Especially after my mother passed. I felt terribly alone... but you were always there. I could feel you even when you didn't speak. I started to think you were my guardian angel."

    There's a pause between you, and you look up to see tears forming in his eyes. "Did I say some-"

    "Might I give you that hug now?" His eyes are begging. His entire being wants to embrace you. To hold your body and not just hover over your soul like he was forced to do as he watched you grow up.

    "Yes." You say before you can think.

    "I have missed you, too." He tackles you onto the bed, his arms wrapped around you tightly and your arms quickly giving him the same treatment; albeit weaker.

"My soul craves you in a way that aches. It aches in my bones. When I could no longer see you, I was a mess — I could not sleep, I would not eat, I-" You lean your head onto his shoulder and he sighs softly, holding you closer.

     It feels so... right. Like you were made to embrace one another.

    "I am happy to see you again, Mingi."

𖤐❝You can handle one more glass, can't you?❞𖤐

    "Are you not eating, My King?" You ask as you note his lack of a plate. The others are all eating along side you.

    "Not yet," he grins lightly, standing to pour you some more wine. You've already had three glasses.

    "Oh, My King, I don't usually drink so much-"

    "Well, this is a celebration, isn't it?" He hums while filling your cup, "our first meal together as a completed soul. It's an occasion to drink." He sits back down, holding his cup to yours, "cheers."

    You take a breath as you clink your glass to his, "cheers." If they keep up this pace of refilling your wine every time you take a sip, you'll have to be carried back to your chambers. You would already have to be shown the way, no chance you could find your way back through all the twists and turns while your head was so light. 

     So light, in fact, that you fail to notice that the King doesn't even drink from his glass. You fail to notice his ever present gaze on you.

    He said he would wait for you to be ready for intimacy — he said no such thing about waiting to feed on you. He's a patient man, yes. But also one with an insatiable hunger.

    He has to have at least a sip of blood a day. Usually he doesn't care from who. But since he had smelled your blood, everything else tasted... off.

    He doesn't indulge much in food like the others, only things he liked when he was living. But even his favorite food made him sick. His body only wants you.

    "You'll have to teach me sometime," you bow to Yeosang with a slight slur in your voice, "archery is one thing I never did pick up."

    "But she can fish like nobodies business!" Wooyoung chuckles, leaning his head on your shoulder; similarly inebriated. For every glass you had drunk, he drunk about three. Vampires have fast metabolism, you suppose. "She spears them with a stick! How badass is that?"

    You laugh as you lean your head on his, and the sound of your joy has hearts beating all around the table. "I can teach you someday, if you like. I know something that My Lord doesn't," you giggle drunkenly.

    "I would like to learn," San pipes up with a smile, "I can teach you something in return! Woodworking, forgery, armory, sewing, you name it."

    "You do all of those?" You ask in awe, usually a worker might know one or two; but then, he has been around a long time. He has had time to master multiple skills.

    "Oh, yeah," Hongjoong throws his arm around the man, "Sannie is our jack of all trades." He smiles brightly, kissing his cheek.

    You've quickly gotten used to their public displays of affection, it was clear that they had no qualms in showing their love for one another.

    And it didn't bother you. You had thought that it might, being that even married couples didn't show much affection where you are from.

   "Yunho mi," you call to the man, "I have a question."

    "Ask away, (Y/n) mi," he smiles, leaning his head onto his hand.

    "How do you make the fire?"

   "The fire?" He smirks as he conjures a small flame at his finger tip.

    The look of your shock earns you a few laughs. "Yes! How?"

    "Magic," he shrugs nonchalantly, "I can do all sorts of things. I can show you, but I'm afraid it can't be taught. You'll have to stick to San and Yeosang for learning new things."

    "Oh, I would love to see," you smile, a sparkle in your eyes that has the man just about ready to show you every trick he knows right here and now.

    You lean back in your chair as a servant reaches for your plate, giving her the room to gather it. "Thank you." She pauses at your words, looking to the closest Lord; who happens to be Wooyoung because he's attached to your hip. He nods, giving her a stern look.

    "Of course, My Lady. You needn't thank me, 'tis my job." She says just above a whisper as she gathers the nearby plates.

"You're so cute," Wooyoung grins as he pulls you over to him and kisses your cheek.

Seonghwa stops the girl when she goes to collect your glass, "let her finish it."

"Of course, My King," she nods, gathering what else she can before leaving with one more glance spared towards you.

     Hongjoong leans forward, topping of your drink even as you gesture for him not to, "you don't need to bow to anyone besides us, you're the Lady of the castle."

    You hold back a groan as you look at the glass. You don't want to be rude. "Lord Kim, I'm should not drink anymore, perhaps someone else-"

"Drink, little one," he's next to you in a second, picking up your cup. "You can handle one more glass, can't you? For me~?"

Oh. Oh, that pesky heat in your skin is back.

"O-okay," you blink up at him, suddenly very still in your seat as he lifts the cup to your lips.

"Chug," he smirks as you take the glass to your lips, never leaving his gaze as you begin to drink.

"Chug, chug, chug," San and Wooyoung chant as you do just that. The others smile as they watch, Mingi whistling in an impressed manner as you keep up with the way Hongjoong tilts the glass.

A drop leaves the corner of your mouth and travels down your neck. Yeosang watches with wide eyes. "Excuse me." Is all he says before he disappears, a suspicious blush on his face.

You swallow the sweet wine quickly as he all but pours it down your throat, keeping your dazed eyes on his; taking in the way the corner of his lips curl up and expose his fangs.

As he moves the empty glass, you go to take a breath — only to be met with his lips on yours.

You squeal in surprise, your hands hesitating before finding purchase on his wrists as he cups your cheeks.

"Oh, he's going to eat her alive," Wooyoung's joke from beside you never reaches your ears.

Hongjoong rests his forehead on yours, taking in your heavy breaths. When you open your eyes, you find that his have turned red. "Let the King and I drink from you." He hums, cradling your heated cheek, "won't you, little one?"

"Yes..." You slur softly, holding his wrists tightly. "Please."

The others are beyond jealous now, but they let it go. Their time will come. They should have pieced together that they were making you drink so much so that you wouldn't feel as much effects of the blood loss that's to come. Sneaky bastards, taking advantage of your naive nature— why didn't they think of that?

   "Come, then," he giggles as he helps up your stumbling figure.

     His plan worked like a charm. After hearing how Seonghwa hadn't fed, he came up with it. He's very observant of you, he knows that even the littlest praise or affection leaves you dazed. That, paired with the ever flowing wine that would also help you start pumping more blood, made you putty in his hands.

    He felt a little bad, but what was he to do?

   You were afraid of Seonghwa, but he had to drink lest he wither away.

    And it's been days since he tasted you, he was starting to get restless.

    It's not their fault your blood is a drug to them.

𖤐❝HALAZIA❞𖤐

𖤐❝NEXT TIME❞𖤐

"I want you to teach me." You whisper as you look up to him. His eyes are still on the pages, but he isn't registering a single word — and you know it. "Please, My Lord. You said that you would teach me anything I wanted to know."

His nails are digging into the hard cover of the book, leaving crescent indentations. "And that-" He gulps, "that is something you want to learn?"

"Yes." You lean forward, tilting your head, "I trust you to teach me well."

Oh, you probably shouldn't. He's only one bat of your eyelashes away from ripping your dress off and saying 'fuck the ceremony.'

𖤐❝CURSE YOUR NAME❞𖤐

[romanofftherealest]

Good Luck, Babe

Chapter 7: Act Two | 5.2k

Summary: Despite moments of tension, uncertainty lingers over your relationship with Natasha. You grapple with the conflicting emotions, questioning where you stand with her again.

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Tags | Warnings: +18 angst, fluff, kissing, possessiveness, jealousy, manipulation if you squint, intoxicated Natasha, DUIA, cursing, heated argument (huge warning for this)

Author's Note: This series has now become a commissioned work.

⧗

As the days go by, a comfortable routine settles over the house. You found yourself waking up to a sound that you for sure know even if you haven't opened your eyes yet is a giggle of your daughter. This has been becoming more frequent, waking up, seeing your daughter and her mama giggling in front of you as they play together first thing in the morning. It's a sight to see and you didn't mind it at all even if you were slightly conscious about the face you make that Natasha literally had to see while you were still asleep.

The door slowly opens and you see Natasha tip-toeing into the room, she didn't notice you awake at first but when she finally turned around and saw your confused face, she felt nervous. Before she can even explain herself, you hear a loud shout coming from outside the room that is clearly your daughter.

"Mama! Weady or not, here I come!"

You wanted to scream out of shock when Natasha literally threw herself on your daughter's bed, hiding herself under the duvet. You hear her whisper urgently, more like a squeak, "Cover me, please." And you quickly oblige, pretending like you don't know she's there. She scoots under the duvet but she makes sure that her body isn't pressed up too close to you.

Before you can even ask the woman beside you what is happening, your daughter flings the door open and rushes into the room.

"Hi mommy, good morning!" she's filled with so much energy and excitement already this morning. And here you are, still having no energy after a long sleep. "Did you see mama?"

Oh, hide and seek.

"Sweetie, I haven't seen…mama." Your voice cracks at the end when you feel Natasha poke your side. God, you hated lying to your daughter. There was another jab on your waist, purposely tickling you so in revenge, your left hand went to grab a strand of Natasha's hair and tugged it so hard that she almost groaned that it almost blew her cover.

Your daughter just nodded, not suspecting anything. She looked around her room, checking the bathroom and the closet, but she didn't find her mama hiding in either of those places. She seemed confused on where to go now, she was breathing hard from running here and there and you can see her chest rising and falling rapidly.

Then, she runs out of her room, leaving you all alone with the hider she's looking for under the duvet next to you.

You were just about to carefully slide out of bed when suddenly you feel Natasha grab your hand, pulling you back under the covers with her. You find yourself pressed up against her, your bodies almost intertwined, and you can feel the heat radiating off her skin. You're both enveloped in the duvet, and now you can see her face right in front of yours.

"What are you doing? You gonna rat me out?"

"If you don't want to rat you out, don't tickle me!"

The two of you were so caught up in your argument that you didn't even notice your daughter coming back to the room and pulling back the covers to reveal you both in such a compromising position. You froze on the spot, your face just inches away from Natasha's, staring at each other in stunned silence. Your daughter stood there, looking at the two of you with a curious expression, wondering what on earth was going on.

"Found you, mama!" she then exclaims, her voice full of enthusiasm, pointing her finger on Natasha.

Natasha carefully lays down on her back, her body relaxing against the bedding. There's a slight sense of relief in her eyes, grateful that your daughter didn't suspect anything unusual happening between the two of you under the duvet together.

Well, nothing unusual happened so…

Your daughter giggles when Natasha quickly grabs her and gently plops her down on her stomach.

"Mommy, help me!" she squeals, she's having a blast, but you can tell that Natasha is still holding on to her firmly, just for the fun of it.

"Oh no, I am not risking myself on that tickle monster again." You pretend to be exasperated, but you can't help but laugh at the scene unfolding before you. "So sorry, baby," you say with a playful tone, feigning helplessness while Natasha still playfully keeps your daughter trapped on her stomach. "I'll come back for your shower Iya. Prepare your clothes, okay?"

"I will help Aliah shower." Natasha offers, trying to catch your daughter's small hands that's attacking her like a snake.

You're so glad you gave birth to a kid that will make Natasha swallow her own pill—like will literally shove it in her.

"Don't you have work today?"

"I can be late." She said so surely. Her hands trapping the small hands of her daughter. While your daughter never stopped giggling on top of her, eager to take her hands back, Aliah lifted her body up and slammed herself back on Natasha's stomach.

"Oh fu—" she started to say, but then she caught herself as her eyes met yours. Her face contorted in different reactions, her breath literally being knocked out from the force of Aliah's impact.

You squint your eyes harder as if challenging her to continue what she was going to say. No one curses around Aliah and Natasha knows that rule, besides she's in with that rule too.

Despite her best efforts to remain stoic, the pain still lingered in Natasha's face, and your eyes were still at her. And to add to the scene, your daughter couldn't hold back her cute little giggles, finding her mama's pained expression funny.

"Try not to kill each other." You remind for the last time, leaving them alone, not even coming to Natasha's rescue. Though you couldn't help but chuckle to yourself as you heard the sounds of laughter and playful struggles from the bedroom.

Aliah is in her toddler phase and it has been nothing but a whirlwind of energy and curiosity for her. She was constantly on the move, always exploring her surroundings and seeking out new experiences. She would run, jump, one time she literally gave strangers some stickers—very enthusiastic. However, her endless energy also meant that she would sometimes have difficulty regulating her emotions, leading to occasional temper tantrums when things didn't go her way.

As Aliah's mother, you would have no problem handling her boundless energy or tantrums, you actually thought you're being good at handling and disciplining her. It was your job, after all, you literally gave birth to her. But right now, you didn't mind not having to deal with it. Besides, Natasha had offered to take over, and she seemed blissfully unaware of what she had gotten herself into.

⧗

You had been cooking in the kitchen, enjoying the peacefulness of the morning. But as time went on the two still hadn't appeared downstairs. Aliah should have been eating her breakfast by now. So you decided to go up and check on the two of them, curious to see what they were up to.

The first thing you saw was Natasha, only in her sports bra, her muscular body now exposed as she removed her shirt. She looked exhausted, sweat glistening on her forehead, as she panted and tried to catch her breath.

"She...she has so much energy," Natasha says breathlessly, struggling to speak. "She got me all…"

"Wet," you grimace with how you finished her statement. Definitely not right now. Your daughter is in the same room and this is her room! You shake your head before calling your Aliah. You walked past Natasha and when you saw your daughter in the bathroom swimming in the bathtub, you quickly shot your head back to the red head. "You gave her a bath?!" your voice almost scolding as you asked.

Natasha's face instantly contorted with guilt, her cheeks flushing bright red as she stuttered, "Y-yeah...she said she wants a bath. In the bathtub."

"Oh god...you've fallen for her game, newbie. Beware of it next time, because she can stay on that boat for the whole day." All you can do is shake your head, sighing defeatedly.

Okay, maybe you didn't inform her beforehand not to fall for Aliah's little tricks but your pride won't admit that to her, hello?

"Sorry." She muttered, toying with her wet shirt, even her pants. She really is new to this. She did play with Aliah a lot, lots of lots of playtime together. But she wasn't able to experience how to handle Aliah during serious times like right now.

"It's fine, I can handle this. You can prepare for your work now. And I…uhm, I prepared some breakfast downstairs if you want." You hesitate the offer for breakfast.

"W-wait…I-I can drive…you two to school?" Natasha offers back. "I…I'll just go shower quick and—"

"You sure? What about work?" You cut her off, this is the first time she took initiative. Usually, she would pick and send Aliah to school but without you.

"W-work can wait." Natasha stutters and she doesn't know why she was so damn nervous.

"Okay."

⧗

You got out of the car alongside Natasha and your daughter Aliah, who was still bursting with an abundance of energy. She excitedly bounded out of the car. When Natasha got out of the car, you looked at her, slightly confused. You thought she'll just drop you two off then she'll go straight to her work.

"Hey, I've got it. You have to go to work now." Before you could protest and say more, she effortlessly picked up Aliah's trolley and clicked her car keys to lock the car.

"Work can wait." She said with more confidence this time. Your daughter ran to her and held onto her hand tightly while she jumped. This kid hasn't run out of energy.

After you had sent Aliah off to her room, you spotted Carol near the school field when you were just about to exit. You sauntered over to her, a mock pout on your face when you noticed she's not bringing any cups of hot choco for you today, "No choco for me today?" you playfully asked.

"Well, I was wondering if I could ask you out for coffee…I mean chocolate drink." Carol's smirk curled at the edges of her lips. But it quickly disappeared when she saw Natasha behind you. She doesn't want to over exaggerate everything but she looks like her eyes were throwing daggers at her. "I…I am sorry I didn't know. You…"

You were confused when Carol stammered and when her eyes looked restlessly from you to your back. And then that's when you remembered, you were with Natasha. Okay, in your defense this is the first time you were with Natasha in Aliah's school. This is the first time she is present…with you.

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry yeah I'm with Natasha. But she'll go to her work now…I think. Right, Nat?"

Natasha didn't know whether you were intentionally trying to make her jealous, or you were simply oblivious to this blonde woman clearly has…something for you. Whichever it was, it was driving Natasha up the wall. The way you two teased each other, talked to each other, the easy banter and the way your eyes would crinkle when you laugh when talking to who this Carol is.

Annoyance. That's what she feels right now. Annoyed because she's jealous. And God, she hated it that she didn't notice herself taking a step forward and placing her hand on your waist like it belonged there.

It belongs there.

"Natasha..." You call out her name, feeling her body closely to yours. You turn to look at her, your gaze searching for a response. As she meets your eyes, she senses your obliviousness, and defeat settles over her.

Natasha sighs, her voice tinged with resignation as she speaks, "Yeah... I'll go to work." Her words are a reluctant admission, even though she really doesn't want to leave especially with this blonde threat in front of her. She felt like she's being pushed away, as if you were trying to distance yourself from her by reminding her about her work. Her mind buzzed with a whirlwind of thoughts, and she couldn't help but feel uncertain and threatened.

Overall, jealous.

If you were distancing yourself and playing games with her feelings, she should be the first one to read between those lines because she had done the same thing before to you. If you were making her jealous? Hurt? It shouldn't be a surprise anymore, because she had done it first to you. She had done it first and worse. And she doesn't want to get reminded of it.

"Okay, I'll just go get my bag to your car," you said with a warm smile, seemingly unaware of the emotions stirring within Natasha.

She was supposed to be the one distancing herself from you, but every little thing you did seemed to crumble the walls she built around herself. The more she pushed you away, the easier it seemed for her to unravel, succumbing to the effect you had in her heart and body.

"Take care, thank you. I'll go to the catering services after my coffee with Carol. Will you pick Aliah? Or you want to…" you rambled off, obviously suggesting if you want to pick your daughter together again like how you dropped her off to school.

But before you can finish your sentence, Natasha sealed her lips to yours. Pressing you against her car. Her hand slid possessively around your waist, pulling you closer as her tongue darted into your mouth. The kiss deepened, she fought her way to your lips like she's claiming what's hers, that leaving you with something to think about while you're going to have some-whatever with that blonde girl.

And you didn't fight her. You didn't resist; instead, you melted into her embrace, letting her dominance, jealousy, possessiveness take over you.

Your hands instinctively gripped her suit, holding onto her as the intensity of the kiss increased. She growled softly against your mouth, her kisses becoming more demanding but she pulled back just enough to press her forehead against yours, her chest heaving with exertion. She stared at your swollen lips for a second, as she caught her breath.

Making out in the school parking lot was something you didn't expect happening today. Especially with your distant wife.

You were still catching your breath as you stared at Natasha's darkened orbs, she blinked, breaking the intense gaze that had held you captive as if she's hiding something behind those eyes of hers. She finally stepped back, putting some distance between you both. Her voice was slightly hoarse as she spoke, "I uh...I...I will pick Aliah up later. You take care." So will she pick up your daughter alone or with you?

Her car sped out of the parking lot. And you were left there, frozen, alone, and lost—unsure of where you stood with her. Again.

⧗

"Earth to Y/N." Carol sat in front of you, cradling a cup of hot chocolate and a black coffee. Noticing your distracted state, she leaned in conspiratorially, "Something bothering you?"

"I'm fine." You smile, dismissing her question as you grab your hot chocolate. "Thank you for this."

Carol didn't push for an answer, instead she sipped her coffee quietly, not to make everything awkward she smoothly changed the topic, "So...Aliah's birthday is in a few days, right?

You were idly sipping on your chocolate drink as well, and after taking a hearty gulp, you nodded in response to Carol's question. "Oh, yes, yes. On Friday, she'll be turning four. We've been planning everything, especially you know..." your words trailed off, grimacing slightly as you wiped your mouth, "She told everyone that she lives in a castle..."

The blonde let out a laugh, "Oh yeah, I remember Monica telling me about that. She said that she wants to live in a castle just like Aliah."

"Kids, you know?" you sighed before letting out a few laughs. "I was actually against the idea having the party at the house but…Natasha just spoils her a lot."

"You and Natasha, you're married? I mean..." another question of her goes smoothly but awkwardly. Carol looked down at her coffee cup, swirling the dark liquid nervously. "You never really answered when you know…I don't wanna be rude..." she trailed off, cringing at why she asked, because she asked it the moment you mentioned Natasha's name. She just hoped that she didn't overstep anything.

"Yeah, we're married." The statement was quick, fast, like you were just trying to get past this conversation.

The marriage was more complicated than it seemed on the surface. You and Natasha had a civil ceremony, intimate and small, but that intimacy hadn't translated into your daily life. There was a chasm between you two that you couldn't quite measure but you had to understand and take the blame for. You had hurt her from the past and you were more than willing to pay the price for it.

And you have been paying the price for it since you two got married.

You actually thought she saw marriage the same way—a way to save what you had, to force some kind of connection between you two. But now, you wondered if she had other reasons for it and she did. Everything was just for your daughter. It was a good reason though and you actually would do the same for Aliah.

So you let things be, you let her be. For the sake of your daughter, and for the pain you had caused Natasha.

You let her treat you like nothing. You let her be with another woman. You let her use you. Pride, dignity, and self-respect are long gone—only your love left. Your brain is dead and it was just your heart doing all the thinking.

But change was bound to happen eventually but you didn't expect it to happen so suddenly, so unexpectedly. Things had shifted subtly after you met Natasha's mom. Small things at first—Natasha taking the breakfast you make her, she's always present during dinner like she promised your daughter, you often wake up seeing her firstly in the morning. She smiles a lot than usual and you see her more often.

And the kisses? God, the kisses.

These small gestures felt enormous in your emotionally distant marriage. It made you feel like walking on cloud nine. Others might see it as stupid and ridiculous being so easily pleased by crumbs when you deserved a whole feast.

But you rather be optimistic about it, seeing these small changes as positive signs, believing that things were slowly getting better between you and Natasha. You convinced yourself that these little gestures meant she still loved you, that she was trying to fix things—that she wants to start over with you.

"She's not wearing her ring." Carol's voice was soft and fast, she said it more to herself rather than addressing you directly.

"Huh?" you ask since you didn't quite hear her from being so deep in your thoughts.

"I said." She blinks seriously, putting her cup down. "She's not wearing her…wedding ring? And you too?" Carol shrugs.

"I…we just don't wear it?" you grimace nervously with your stupid reason. You actually thought that she's not wearing it because she doesn't want to get reminded that she is actually married to you. And as for you, you genuinely forgot to wear it.

"Right..." the blonde drew out the word, sounding unconvinced but she chose not to push further not wanting to make you uncomfortable.

Not to make her crush uncomfortable.

Carol had internally berated herself for having feelings for a married woman. It was stupid, she knew that. She had seen the wedding ring on your finger the very first day she met you and right now you just confirmed that you are in fact married—a question that never failed to visit her brain every single day. Yet, here she was, crushing on you, a taken, married woman.

How can't she? With that warm, gentle smile that could light up a room. Your reservedness, your cute laughter, the way you dressed fashionably yet modestly and elegantly, always looking put together but never trying too hard.

She labeled it as "stupid harmless crush."

"What are you trying to imply huh?" you made a confused look, and not to make it awkward, you chuckle.

"I am not implying anything. It's just weird you know, being married but no wedding rings on?" Carol bit her lip nervously as she blurted out, "Better put a ring on it." She avoided eye contact, her fingers fidgeting with her empty cup drawing some invisible lines, "Before someone else does, you know?"

That was a bold line there, but you didn't catch what she really meant with it.

"Well, sorry for them. I am already married, my ring's just forgotten at home."

"Wedding rings are something you just forget."

"I think you're really trying to imply something." You smiled at her playfully and eyed her suspiciously this time.

"Nothing being implied. Just facts. Wedding rings are important. You don't forget them at home or...anywhere." She defended guiltily, her eyes studying your bare left hand. "Unless…"

"Unless?" you encouraged her, intrigued.

Carol felt herself on the verge of discovery, like she was close to unraveling something about your marriage with Natasha, maybe you're unhappily married or on the tip of divorcing. However, you sound pretty confident about your marriage…but you don't look happy.

But who is she to say that you aren't happy?

"Nothing." Carol says, not pushing further and so did you. "What about I help you with Aliah's birthday?" Now that wasn't a smooth transition.

You gave her a look—the one that made her stomach flutter and her heart race. You were a bit skeptical and amused, she just feels like she's on the hot seat. Your eyebrow arched perfectly, your lips curled into a smirk, and your eyes seemed to see right through her act.

"Mhm? Yeah?" you taunt.

"Look." She held her hands up, "I am…I am just offering my help here." She just hoped that her cheeks weren't as red as the hotness she feels with them.

"Offer accepted then."

⧗

"Thank you, Rick." You arrived home with multiple bags, plastics in your hands and Rick carrying some behind you. The house was eerily quiet that actually made you curious. You knew Natasha had probably already picked up Aliah from school while you had spent the afternoon running errands for her birthday. And by this time you would mostly hear your daughter's scream being chased by her mama, it's their playtime but you heard none.

Dining area was the first place you went to and there you found your princess.

"Baby?" you called, ready to have yourself slumped on the floor with her hug. But Aliah just looked up at you, you noticed her red, swollen eyes immediately. Her food sat untouched in front of her.

"Baby what's wrong?" And there, she started sobbing out loud. You immediately crouched down, and Aliah immediately wrapped her small arms around your neck, burying her face in your shoulder. She clung to you tightly, as if her life depended on it. You could feel her tiny body shaking with sobs, and her hot tears wetting your blouse. As you held Aliah close, trying to soothe her, she was trying to speak, but her words were muffled and incoherent against your shoulder. It sounded like she was repeating something over and over again, but the words were too jumbled to understand clearly.

"Shh…shh…can you talk right now properly princess? C'mon look at mommy." You shifted her on your left arm so you can see her properly. The crying turned down, only hiccups and sobs. "What happened? Can you tell mommy?"

"Ma…ma…" your little one managed to say between sobs. "Smelly…" she added.

"Mama's smelly?" you ask, wiping her cheeks and her hair that sticked to her skin with sweat.

"Ang-angry…I don't want food. Mama made ang-angy noise…" You didn't want to ask Aliah more and make her relive whatever had upset her. Instead, you shushed her softly, stroking her hair and rubbing her back to finally put her to sleep. You will just clean her up when she wakes up.

You gently tucked Aliah into her bed, making sure she was comfortable and secure. You waited until her breathing evened out and her little body relaxed into sleep before quietly slipping out of her room. You made your way downstairs, hoping to find one of the house helpers who might have witnessed what had happened earlier while you were gone. And just what you were looking for, you saw Leo, the house cook, wiping down the kitchen counter, trying to look busy as you entered. He saw you coming and hesitated, knowing you were about to ask about Aliah.

"You're gonna ask about what happened earlier, aren't you?" he caught you first.

"I…I was here to ask where you got your nails done?" you smile faintly making Leo huff.

"I just experimented, darls. I actually did it myself." He says, flexing his newly done nails but he immediately crosses his arms, hiding her fingers since he knows that's not really what you're here for. "Princess was being a kid, not wanting to eat the food I prepared for her and that made Natasha snap." He did not stutter.

"And?" you didn't know why you asked for more but you feel like there's more to the story because Aliah won't cry that bad if her mama just scolded her.

"She slammed her fist on the dining table. And I think she's drunk, Y/N." So maybe that is why Aliah said that her mama was smelly. She was drunk.

That's all what you needed to hear before you head up to find Natasha. You should be rational at this point, if Natasha was drunk, right now is definitely not the time to talk to her. And she was mad too, but so are you! So you had no time to be rational or logical to approach this situation.

As you entered her office, you found Natasha sitting at her desk, a half-empty bottle of whiskey in front of her. She looked up as you walked in, her eyes glassy and red from both alcohol and what you can notice is anger.

"You're home," she slurred, pouring herself another glass.

"What are you doing?" you asked, trying to remain calm despite the situation and that growing anger inside you. But no answers came from Natasha. Well, it's pretty obvious she's drinking, but you are asking what she is doing. Why is she being like this? "Did you drive Aliah home drunk?" the question is like nothing to Natasha's drunken haze, she ignored you again.

"Natasha." You called, but it is more like a warning.

"We're home safe aren't we?" she finally answered, her voice was flat and emotionless.

"It's not even about that!" you can't help but raise your voice "It's about how you're acting right now! You're drunk in the middle of the day, you were drunk around Aliah! And she had been crying! Did you ev—"

"What happened to your date?" she cut you off abruptly, her voice sharp and accusatory. The sudden change in topic caught you off guard, and she didn't give you a chance to respond before continuing. "Did you enjoy the drink? Did you have a good time? Because you weren't answering my calls."

"Really?" you scoff, "You're thinking about that right now after you had hurt our daughter?" your tongue grazed behind your teeth, jaw clenching in controlled anger. "Natasha, it's not a date. I swear, Carol's just a friend. I was just doing some errands for Aliah's birthday party, that's all." You asserted, firm and not angry even though your every muscle feels that right now. You really wished you sounded calm to quash any suspicions or misinterpretations.

Natasha just sat in stoic silence, her glass of whiskey clutched in her hand. Her gaze was fixed on nothing in particular, you didn't even know if she heard what you just said. You now stood in front of her in fear—fear that everything was falling apart again. Despite your attempts to remain composed, the intensity of the situation was getting to you. Everything was fine, it feels like you were all starting over and you were off to a good start and then in just a snap everything were slipping away again.

"N-Natasha?" you called her despite the shakiness of your voice.

"Get out, I've had a long day."

"Then tell me!" you cannot control it anymore, you cried, you felt your throat constricting every second. "Tell me what's wrong! Talk to me, Nat!"

"Don't even try." Natasha murmured under her hot breath.

"Tell me, please. Talk to me." You couldn't hide the desperation in your voice as you pleaded, "Please. We're okay. We're okay, right Nat?" The words tumbled out of your mouth, a desperate plea for reassurance, you desperately tried to cling onto the feeling, to convince yourself that everything was okay. Because you are, right? You two are okay, just this morning, everything had seemed fine—it was better! You both cooperated for Aliah, sent her to school together, then she surprisingly kissed you for the first time again. It was everything you had wished for, a normal routine you had always dreamed of for your family.

"We're okay, right? But what's...this? What's happening right now?" your words came out between sobs and gasps for air, "Because I don't understand anymore. I don't know where you're coming from. Tell me what to do, h-how to fix it again. I will do anything. Please, Natty."

"Fuck! Stop! Stop calling me that!" you flinch at her sharp movement and harsh words, Natasha takes a shaky breath, trying to gather more anger to push you away. She can see the hurt and confusion in your eyes, but she can't seem to stop herself from lashing out. She seemed to want to lash out to you and not.

"I did you a favor marrying you to keep Aliah. This…this marriage is nothing! So stop acting like you care!" Natasha spits out the words that have been festering inside her for so long. She let out a bitter laugh, "I wanna see you suffer. Locked up in this marriage, trapped with a wife who hates you." She says it with a twisted sense of pleasure, imagining your misery as her own personal revenge. "We're okay? You think this would be a hope for us? No. I want to see you fucking break."

"But I-I care about you." A tear fell down your cheek, lips trembling, "I…I still love you." The words came out of your mouth before you could even blink.

"Shut up." Natasha closed her eyes, her chest heaving in anger. "F-fuck! You're fucking lying! You fucking liar I wish you were dead so Aliah would be mine!"

It felt like there was a ghost that ran past you, your face paled. You took a step back like she physically hit you. "I…I'm so sorry, Natasha. I'm so sorry I hurt you." Is the only thing you were able to say.

As the words left her mouth, a wave of shock hit her. She blinked rapidly, a single tear escaping down her cold skin. "No... no, that's not..." Natasha reached out, she stood calling after you desperately. "Y/N, baby wait. I didn't...I didn't mean it like that…"

Before she can even stumble and walk out of her chair, you have already left her office.

Good Luck, Babe: Masterlist

[notreallythatlost]

BUILD A DYNASTY

➴ annatar/sauron x female!elf-smith!reader

summary: you have to watch eregion fall and with it your world, because the man you start to have feelings for, is not who he seems to be.

warnings: angst, blood, reader gets caught in an illusion, mentions of war and death, mind control, sauron being manipulative, maybe some sort of fluff?

word count: 1.3k

author’s note: i‘m glad you found your way here! <3 this is my first fic on tumblr, so likes, reblogs and feedback are really appreciated. but since english is not my first language, please don’t be too hard with me. xx

THE RINGS OF POWER MASTERLIST

The sound of the siege sirens could be heard throughout Eregion, sending goosebumps all over your body.

You stand on the balcony of the tower where Lord Celebrimbor's forge is located and you could feel the wind blowing through your hair. But there was no cold at all. Only the rising fear, because what you see in front of you, is the sight of pure horror.

From the edge of the forest across the river, cannons were fired, destroying the stone walls of the city you love so dear, as if they were made of sand.

The screams of the desperate elves reach your ears and you wish for nothing more, than to finally wake up from this nightmare.

But when you turn around to Celebrimbor, you see him working on the Nine without a care in the world. The Nine. The one thing that was the reason for Eregions downfall.

And there was only one person to blame.

“My Lord, we must leave immediately,” you call out as you hurry back inside, but Celebrimbor still doesn't move an inch. “My Lord!” you repeat, this time with more force.

Finally, the elf turns his head in your direction, but he doesn't seem disturbed at all. There is a slight smile on his face as he slowly stands up from his chair and walks over to you.

“Don't you hear? We are being attacked,” you try to explain to him, but he just takes your hands.

“My dear, you must be exhausted. Maybe you should take a break and get some rest?” he says quietly, raising his eyebrows.

You can't help but stare at him in disbelief, then take a small step back. “Maybe you’re right, I should take a break,” you say, turning away from him and starting to rush down the stairs, out of the tower.

As you step outside, the world around you seems to be coming to an end.

There was fire everywhere, rubble lay scattered on the floor and in the middle of it were the lifeless bodies of many elves.

Tears well up in your eyes, but you don’t have time for that now because you run straight into the chaos of the attack.

It doesn't take long to discover him. The reason for the downfall of Eregion and the boiling anger inside you.

“Lord Annatar!” you call over the loud noise around you and watch as he turns his face in your direction. His blue eyes immediately meet yours as he comes towards you.

“What is it? Is something wrong with the rings?” he asks and furrows his brows.

Without giving him an answer, you grab his wrist and pull him with you to the side. “Please tell me, what’s going on. Celebrimbor seems to have lost his mind, he just doesn't realize what's happening out here,” you begin, but Annatar puts his hands on your shoulders to calm you.

“You are right to worry about him. Let me look after him. You will stay here and defend the city until I return,” he orders you in a calm voice and strokes your cheek with his knuckles, leaving you no choice but to swallow the anger inside you.

You no longer know why you felt it and all you can do is to look at Annatar, who takes your hands in his and gently squeezes your fingers.

He breaks away from you moments later, but at that very second the siege sirens fall silent, making him stop.

“What’s happening?” you ask quietly as goosebumps spread across your body again.

A few other elves approach next to the both of you, looking worriedly towards the walls.

“They are drying up the river,” Mirdanias’ voice sounds and you feel the elf take your hand, catching your attention.

So you don’t notice, how Annatar slowly walks back to the tower.

“Have you spoken to Lord Celebrimbor?” Mirdania asks, looking at you with her eyes full of worry.

You nod slowly and turn to her. “He is not in a right state of mind. It seems as if he has completely lost it,” you repeat the words you said to Annatar before. “He will not give us any orders,” you add quietly.

The sound of drums is the sign that the orcs prepare to run across the exposed ground, that had previously been the river and you run towards the archers positioned on top of the walls. “Prepare for the ground attack! Don’t let them get into the city!” you shout as loudly as you can, then look up at the tower.

“Please make sure that the walls don’t fall,” you say to Mirdania as you already turn away.

“What are you going to do?” she calls after you.

“Getting my answers,” you say, more to yourself, while you walk straight towards the tower you had to leave earlier.

A heartbreaking sob was heard as you run up the stairs, just in time to see Celebrimbor pushing angrily against the table in front of him.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, walking past Annatar towards Celebrimbor who raises his shaking hand, his fingers completely smeared with black ink.

Or with something which seems like that.

Now your eyes fall on the vessel that the Mithríl was in. The true core of the Nine. But it wasn't what you thought it was.

“Tell me this isn't true,” you whisper and turn to Annatar. He slowly raises his hand and reveals a cut in his palm, a wound from which pitch black blood is dropping.

“True creation… requires sacrifice,” he says slowly and a gasp is heard from Celebrimbor.

He seems to realize, what slowly sinks into your mind, and a single tear falls from your eye. “So… it was all an illusion? All of this?”

Your voice just a whisper, laced with pain.

“You are him, aren’t you? You are… Sauron,” you say, which is what Celebrimbor seems to be afraid of.

“I have many names,” he replies and you are about to attack him with nothing more than your bare hands.

But you don’t get the chance, because suddenly you find yourself in the forge. You can't see any of the chaos around you, only the embers burning in the huge forge, illuminating the room.

“Did you really think you could ever stop any of this?” you suddenly hear his voice behind you and you close your eyes.

You realize that this must be another illusion.

Taken back to the moment when you knew exactly what you were feeling.

“I might not have been able to stop it, but I believed in the good. I believed that you wanted the best for us. But all you had in mind was our downfall,” you hiss through clenched teeth and flinch when you feel his touch on your arm.

“You're wrong,” he begins, now appearing in front of you. “I only want the best for you,” he continues, raising his hand. He touches your hair with his fingers and one corner of his mouth twitches slightly upwards.

“Don't you remember how much you trusted me? When you revealed your deepest desires to me?” he asks in a whisper and you close your eyes again.

“I can give you all of that. Everything you crave.” His voice rings in your head like a beautiful melody.

But you couldn’t let him in. You could not give yourself to him.

“None of this matters anymore,” you whisper, and another tear falls from your eye. “You lied to us, deceived us all. Celebrimbor most. And now you think I'll just give myself to you like that?” you ask, finally managing to look him in the eyes.

“You will. You’ll have no other choice.���

With these words, the illusion vanishes and you are standing in the destroyed forge again.

Celebrimbor is gone and only Sauron stands in front of you. His gaze is on you as he holds out his hand.

“Come with me. There is nothing, that keeps you here anymore. Come with me and I promise, I will protect you. Come with me and we build a real dynasty together.”

His lips did not move, but the words inside your head still sound like a promise.

And no matter how hard you try to resist, you make a step towards him, taking his hand, leaving everything behind what you truly believed in.

2024 notreallythatlost

[larluce]

Part 2 of my angst Merthur AU where Merlin has the short-term memory of the girl of 50 First dates. For more context read part 1 HERE

Credits to @mine087 and @warypumpkin whose comments/ideas left on the first part I used for this part.

Most days Arthur can fool Merlin. By the time he lifted the ban on magic, he had well-crafted routine. Merlin would wake up asking for Gaius and the druids, who now worked as physicians in the castle, would tell him Gaius went to the suburbs to treat an illness and would be back tomorrow. And when a very upset and confused Merlin claimed Gaius had been kidnapped, they would tell Merlin he must have really hit his head hard because Agravaine's conspiracy with Morgana to kidnap Gaius happened months ago. Then Merlin would get out of his room and discover a Camelot that welcomed magic again and that would distract him enough. Then, in a stroll around the citadel, Arthur would relate him what supossedly happened in the battle where they saved Gaius and finally defeated Morgana.

Merlin: (nervous) So you know? About my... (not able to say it)

Arthur: (casually) Your magic? Yes. You used it to save me and I catched you for once. (sighs) I didn't react well.

Merlin: (laughs a bit) I bet. But I guess you came around. You lifted the ban! It’s exactly how I imagined it! Thank you! You don't know how happy this makes me.

Arthur: (murmurs, with a sweetbitter feeling) You say that every time...

Merlin: What?

Arthur: I said you said that the first time too.

Merlin: (frustrated) I wish I could remember. How Camelot became what it is now.

Arthur: (forces a smile) You heard the druids. It's just a temporary amnesia. You'll remember by tomorrow.

But there were also the bad days. Where Merlin cannot be convinced that easily and finds out the truth by his own means. He would scream and shout in dispare and rage, Arthur always being the reciever of it. Yelling at him for lying to him, for making his life a set up, blaming him for Gaius' dead, his condition, everything. And then...

Merlin: (hurtful) I killed your father!

Arthur: (sighs, swallowing the pain of going through this again) I know. You were Dragoon. You told me that before.

Merlin: And I freed the Great Dragon! I poisoned Morgana!

Arthur: (yells) I KNOW! (Tears well up in his eyes) I know everything. You want me to hate you, to get me to execute you or stop caring for you and it won't work!

Merlin: This was my plan all along. Pose as your friend, manipulate you so you would lift the ban-

Arthur: Stop.

Merlin: (yells furious) And take away everyone you love just as you did with me!

Arthur: (his voice breaks) We are even then.

Merlin: (screams and his magic gets lose, breaking the windows and causing an earthquake)

Arthur: (doesn't even flinch, he's just sad)

Merlin: (drops to the floor and breaks down crying)

Arthur: (hugs him, rubbing his back) I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Merlin: I lied about your mother. She was real.

Arthur: (his hand stops rubbing Merlin's back, frozen and eyes wide)

Merlin: (gives a dry chuckle) I guess that one was new.

Arthur: (cries silently, but doesn't let go of Merlin)

One particular night-over year since the accident-someone does something different when Merlin has one of his "bad days".

Gwen: (enters Merlin's room) You are being unfair.

Merlin: (in disbelieve) I'm unfair? I'm the one whose whole life is a fucking theater play!

Gwen: I'm not saying that what Arthur does is okay. Gwaine and I tried to talk him out of it multiple times. But at least he's not doing this to intentionally hurt you. On the contrary, he wants to spare you the pain. While the only thing you do is guilt him and then say hurtful things to him everytime you find out.

Merlin: (resentful) Oh, poor, poor Arthur who doesn't want to deal with the consecuences of his actions!

Gwen: He's been dealing with the consecuences of his actions for over a year!

Merlin: (stunned)... It's been a year?

Gwen: (nods, sadly) I know for you Gaius' dead is recent and it's hard to see beyond your own grieve. But Arthur's been grieving too. He lost his last remaining family in that rockfall... and also a friend.

Merlin: ...

Gwen: (sighs and spots Merlin's parchment, the one Merlin wrote for himself and hided in his magic book and has random entries from the days Merlin found out the truth) Hide that well or they will take it when they search. (leaves)

After a moment of quiet reflection in his room, Merlin resolves to seek out Arthur. But when he arrives, Arthur’s chambers are empty. Deciding to wait, Merlin glances around, curious if anything has changed in the past year. Yet Arthur was careful enough to keep it as how it was a year ago.

Then, something catches his eye—a book on Arthur’s desk, unfamiliar and out of place. Merlin picks it up, flips it open, and recognizes Arthur’s handwriting.

Another dawn. Another day of lies.

Today Merlin moved through the day as if nothing were wrong. He approached me smiling again, asking if Gaius had returned from his trip yet. I told him no, not yet. Not until tomorrow.

I never thought I could despise a word as much as I hate "Tomorrow."

A shudder runs through Merlin. How many times has Arthur said it? How many times has he promised a tomorrow that would never come?

He nodded and joked about Gaius’s terrible sense of time. I laughed. It tasted like ash.

He teased me, rolled his eyes at council meetings, even scolded me for not wearing a thicker cloak in the cold. For a few hours, I could pretend. Pretend that Gaius was just away. Pretend that Merlin was still himself. Pretend that I hadn’t failed them both so utterly.

Pretend Merlin doesn’t loathe me.

Merlin turns the page, his fingers brushing over the smudged ink—tears, perhaps, or the shaky hand of a man pushed to his limits.

Gods, this is worse than battle. Worse than betrayal. Every morning, I resurrect a dead man for him. Every night, I bury Gaius anew.

And another page.

Is this how Morgana felt?

She, too, lived in a world of half-truths, of secrets festering until they poisoned her. I failed to see her pain until it curdled into hatred. Now I watch Merlin’s face fracture every time he dicovers the truth.

Perhaps this is my penance. For Morgana. For Merlin. For not listening to them when it matter.

And another page.

Merlin, I was a fool. You warned me time and again and I dismissed you. I called you an idiot, a coward, when all along, you were the wisest of us all. How many times did you save me, only for me to repay you with scorn? I thought I was being a king—strong, unshaken—but I was only proud. And now, when I think of the secrets you must have carried alone, the burdens you bore in silence… I should have listened. I should have trusted you. I'm sorry.

The journal trembles in his grip. Arthur’s pain is raw, unfiltered. Not the king, not the warrior. Just a man drowning in regret. For Morgana. For Gaius. For him. For everything.

I'm ruined.

Merlin looks at me, and I want to live in that gaze forever. He touches my arm to steady me, and my skin burns. He speaks, and I hang on every word like a drowning man gasping for air.

Gods help me, I love him.

And it is the cruelest twist of fate that he will never know.

How could he? When every morning, he wakes up not remembering the day before? When every night, I am forced to lie to him again? When the truth of my feelings would only burden him further.

I could tell him. Just once, just to see how it feels to say it aloud. But what then? Tomorrow, he would wake up, and it would be gone. And I would be left with the hollow echo of a confession he cannot keep.

No. This is my penance, too. To love him silently. To carry this alone.

So I will love him in silence. And I will let him go every day. And that will have to be enough.

The journal slips from Merlin’s fingers, landing on Arthur’s desk. The weight of Arthur’s words pressed against his chest, the last confession carving deeper into his heart.

A year. An entire year of Arthur carrying this alone. A year of Arthur waking each morning to carve open his own wounds, just to spare Merlin the pain of knowing. The grieve.

And what has he done? Screamed. Blamed. Twisted the knife deeper every chance he got. Responded Arthur's relentless love with nothing but anger in return.

The door creaks open. And Merlin doesn't need to turn to know who it is.

Arthur: (face pale in panic, but eyes and voice exhausted) You weren’t supposed to see that.

Merlin: (turns, eyes with unshed tears) Gwen said it's been over a year since... (not able to say it)

Arthur: Since the rock fall, yes. One year and two months to be exact.

Merlin: And you lied to me. (the first tears fall) Every single day.

Arthur: ... Yes (braces himself, as if expecting a blow, and explosion)

Merlin: Why?

Arthur: (confused, not used to Merlin not exploding) Why what?

Merlin: Why do you do it? The lies, the pretending. Isn't keeping up this charade tiring? Futile? Boring even.

Arthur: ...

Merlin: Be honest with me for once, please.

Arthur: (thinking) Because I love you. (says, smiling sadly) Because for a few hours, you get to be happy. (his voice cracks) And I get to pretend I didn’t take everything from you.

Merlin: It wasn't your fault.

Arthur: (Stunned) What?

Merlin: It wasn't your fault. Gwen is right I've been unfair. I was just mad and hurt and I took it out on you. I'm sorry.

Arthur: (tears well up in his eyes) You don't have to say that just because you feel sorry for me.

Merlin: No! (approaches and takes Arthur by the shoulders, desperate) Arthur, I need you to believe me because tomorrow I'll forget and I won't know everything you've done and how cruel I've been. (cries) I won't remember that you love me.

Arthur: (open his eyes wide, terrafied, tries to deny it) Merlin-

Merlin: I love you too! That's why it hurt so much when you trusted Agravaine over me. But of course you would. He was your family. You would never blame me for trusting my mother over you.

Arthur: It's not the same. You've known Hunith your whole life.

Merlin: Alright, then my father. If my father had appeared out of nowhere, trying to bond with me, would you blame me for trusting him over you?

Arthur: (a flash of pain in his eyes) You did meet him. For a day.

Merlin: (surprised) I told you about my father? (a realisation) Tell me it was during a good day.

Arthur: ...

Merlin: (brings his hand to his face) Gods, I hate myself so much.

Arthur: You were grieving.

Merlin: You were grieving too! And don't change the subject. I just told you I love you!

Arthur: ...

Merlin: (hands holding Arthur's face) Say something.

Arthur: (exhaled, ragged) What's the point? (voice breaking) Tomorrow, you won't remember this. You’ll wake up and I'll have to lie to you all over again. And you’ll hate me for it.

Merlin: Then don't let me forget.

Arthur: (confused) What?

Merlin: (releases him, turns to the desk, grabs a sheet of parchment and Arthur's quill and says as he writes) I write to myself. On the bad days. Notes about the truth. Hiding them does no good if I don’t look for them. (thrust the parchment at Arthur) Read it to me. Tomorrow. And every day after.

Arthur: (takes the note)

The note reads: Arthur loves you. You love him. Gaius is gone. It’s not your fault. It's not his either. Stop hurting him.

Arthur: (doubtful) You think it'll work?

Merlin: I don’t know. But it's better than... this. (gestures between them, referring to the distance, the lies, their broken bond)

Arthur: (still doubtful)

Merlin: (pleads) Please, it's just one day. If it doesn't work, you can go back to your charade.

Arthur: (incredulous) Are you actually allowing it?

Merlin: I know it hasn't seem like it, but I don't like hurting you. If I didn't have this condition I would cool off and apologise by the next day of my outburst. Had I known I've been doing this for so long... (holds back the tears) But if the only way to stop myself from hurting you is staying ignorant of what happened then I'll allow it.

Arthur: You're the one who's been hurting me? (A disbelieving laugh) Merlin, I've been hurting you every day!

Merlin: We've been hurting each other, alright. (holds Arthur's hand) I don't want us to hurt anymore.

Arthur: (shaky breath) Merlin...

Merlin: Can we talk? Properly talk? We still have a few hours.

Arthur: (nods)

And they talk. The good and the bad about the thing they've done before and after the accident. Somehow they end up lying in bed, side by side.

Merlin: (curled against him) I love you.

Arthur: (so happy and so sad at the same time) I love you too. More than I can explain.

Merlin: Will you tell me you love me? Even if I don’t remember? Even if I yell?

Arthur: (promises) I will.

Merlin: Kiss me.

Arthur: (taken aback, unsure) I don't think it's right to-

Merlin: I don't care if it's right or not. (lifts his head, eyes pleading) If this is the only day I remember, then let it mean something. Please.

Arthur: (kisses him)

Shortly after, Merlin falls asleep in Arthur's arms.

That's all I got for now (again)

Tagging @andrealux21 , @keitorin3 , @keepsecretsjusttokeepu , @escespace , @sugar-coated-prat-dragon , @herstarlight

[syerra-637]

𝓨𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓻 𝔁 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

Tw : Yandere behavior,toxic relationships, social isolation, emotional manipulation, invasion of privacy Genre: Angst Word count: 795 A/n: I wrote it for fem reader

You are a writer specializing in fanfictions about fictional celebrities, and your Tumblr account is starting to attract attention. Your style is sharp, sometimes dark, with touches of black humor.

One night, Adrian Blackwood, a renowned actor, stumbles upon one of your fanfictions during a bout of insomnia. The precision of your descriptions and the raw emotion in your words captivate him.

Adrian begins to anonymously follow your blog. Each new post becomes an obsession, and he stays up late to read your new stories. He discovers your Twitter and Instagram accounts, following you under fake profiles to keep up with your daily life and intimate thoughts shared online.

Adrian sends you a private message on Tumblr under a pseudonym, complimenting the depth of your writing and the accuracy of your insights. You respond politely, flattered by the attention from this mysterious reader. A regular correspondence begins, brightening your days with his words.

After weeks of correspondence, Adrian reveals his identity in a long, passionate message, confessing how much your words have touched and changed him. You are shocked and incredulous, but also deeply touched that a celebrity of his caliber could be your secret admirer.

Adrian insists on meeting you in person. He sends you an invitation to a VIP event where he knows you can talk privately. At your first meeting, Adrian is even more charismatic in person. His presence is mesmerizing, and you feel immediately drawn to him.

You sit nervously at the reserved table in the chic restaurant, casting furtive glances at the door. Every clink of glasses makes you jump, your heart pounding. When he finally enters, a magnetic aura seems to surround him. Adrian Blackwood, in the flesh, smiles at you with a warmth that melts all your apprehensions. "You are even more lovely in person," he says softly, taking your hand to place a light kiss on it. His deep blue eyes seem to read you, deciphering every emotion with unsettling precision.

Quickly, Adrian begins to show signs of possessiveness. He insists that you disable comments on your posts to "protect you from unnecessary criticism." He calls you several times a day, pretending to be concerned about you. He asks for photos to prove where you are and with whom.

Adrian starts sending expensive gifts to your home: designer clothes, jewelry, and even electronic devices to enhance your comfort. He proposes that you quit your job to dedicate yourself fully to writing, promising to meet all your financial needs.

When you express your concerns about his intrusive behavior, Adrian wraps you in his arms, murmuring reassuring words. "I just want to protect you, my love. No one understands how precious you are to me." His tender gestures and soothing voice make you doubt your own feelings, and you begin to believe that his intense love is normal.

You wake up in an unfamiliar room, the curtains drawn to let in a faint ray of light. Your head spins slightly as you try to recall how you got there. The door opens softly, and Adrian enters with a breakfast tray. "Good morning, my darling," he says with a sweet smile, placing the tray before you. "I found you exhausted last night. I thought you needed to rest." A shiver runs down your spine. "Adrian… I don't remember coming here… " "Don't worry," he murmurs, caressing your cheek. "I'll take care of everything."

Adrian subtly uses his celebrity status to isolate you from your friends and family. He invites you to exclusive events where you are the only person he seems to really see. He convinces you that no one understands you as well as he does and that your creativity will thrive better without outside distractions.

This story can take several directions: you might try to escape from this toxic relationship with the help of loved ones, or you might sink deeper into this unhealthy dependence, unable to break free from Adrian's grip.

You walk quickly down the street, casting worried glances over your shoulder. Every silhouette seems suspicious, every shadow a threat. You have finally decided to flee, to free yourself from Adrian's stifling hold. Suddenly, a firm hand grabs your arm, pulling you into a dark alley. You struggle, but his grip is too strong. "I told you, you can't escape me," Adrian whispers in your ear, his voice soft but menacing. "You belong to me."

Adrian strengthens his hold on you, using his fame to constantly monitor you, even hiring private detectives to follow you. Your world shrinks to him, every decision you make influenced by his obsessive love. You are caught between the allure of his affection and the desperate desire to regain your freedom.

[manicpixiefelix]

he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) // epilogue

{ head, heart, hand. masterpost }

Summary: Oliver is haunted by what he's done to get his happy ending in Felix's arms. His guilt is only made worse when he meets the first member of your family to actually remind him of you. Unfortunately, he does not find it to get better from there.

{ context; please read he wanted to be in love (but you got in the way) first }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD IN THIS ONE, but you do get to haunt the narrative. congratulations?

Warnings: discussions of death/overdose, lots of guilt, manipulative oliver, felix being upset, vaguely unhealthy oliver/felix, lotsa angst, oliver quick reckoning with the sunk-cost fallacy.

A/N: 6828 words. first, i don't usually do part 2s when i say something is a oneshot, so this is a rare occurrence. secondly im sorry this is almost 7k there's something wrong with my brain i think. thirdly bro, bro, listen to me; ANGST. HURT NO COMFORT. HURT NO COMFORT. it's soft in the middle THE SOFTNESS IS A LIE. ITS GONNA HURT ALL THE WAY DOWN (apart from nana i love her nd i hope you will too)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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One hour and fifty three minutes.

Rounded up, because all things considered, he should round it up, that's two hours.

Two hours. Like the blink of an eye in the scope of a whole life. But a very long time when you sit and count it out.

One hundred and twenty minutes. Seven thousand, two hundred seconds. He's always counting two hours, seeing exactly how long it feels like, how he can fill that amount of time. Seconds pass like a steady heartbeat.

He can do a lot in two hours.

Oliver tries to occupy himself nowadays more than ever, and really tries not to be alone, but it's hard. Farleigh left for Oxford. Venetia, before she decided to backpack across Europe and find herself, wouldn't let anyone touch her anymore.

Oliver doesn't like leaving Felix alone, but sometimes he has to be. You're laying cold in a family crypt somewhere next to a grandfather you never knew, and while Elspeth and Sir James don't comment on it, they both scowled when your parents sprung the announcement on everyone at the funeral.

Felix spends a lot of time alone at the edge of the maze. He's making a fairy garden where you had waited. Sometimes he'll drive into town without telling anyone, and come back with quaint, second-hand miniatures to add. It's beautiful, shining with greens and golds when the setting sun hits it just right.

So Oliver finds time to occupy himself, when he's alone and all he can think about is you sitting by the maze. You laying by the maze. You alive when he'd run from the maze. And the two hours that followed.

Sometimes he leans out of his window and shouts to the gardeners so far away they look like ants; even at this distance, his voice carries, and he sees them turn, search for him, ask if he's okay. He is, and he apologises, and he think about how far his voice carries.

On occasion, out of the blue, he'll lift Felix up when he hugs him, able to get his feet off the ground as Felix wriggles and clutches him out of surprise. Of course Felix lifts him with ease in return, spins him around, but that's not the point. Oliver is stronger than he looks; he wonders if he could lift you, could carry you far, if he could have dragged you if it had come to it.

Some nights he wakes up in a fright, your rapid heart rate beneath his fingers and he swears he could hear you whispering for help amid your shallow breathing. Please. Pleading. Begging. You were alive when he'd left you. He presses two finger to Felix's pulse point beside him, and tries to calm his breathing, to focus on Felix's slow, steady heartbeat.

And some days he sneaks into the computer room and curses how long webpages take to load when he looks up statistics on overdoses. Symptoms. Niche forums where he can learn what it felt like from survivors. People luckier than you. Their words, their stories, the recollections of those horrifying sensations stick with him, even as he diligently erases any trace of his browsing history.

And he thinks about how fucking long two hours is.

"Nan's coming over later," Felix tells Oliver idly one Sunday afternoon, "we're having tea of you'd like to join us." They're laying out in the grass, Oliver in the grass finding shapes in the clouds, Felix on his side, chewing on the stick of a lollypop he'd finished an hour ago and gently tracing abstract patterns on Oliver's chest.

"I thought you said your granny haunted Saltburn," when Oliver looks at Felix, he still can't help the way his heartrate picks up. Felix Catton touching him in the most gentle, caring way; he'd never stop feeling lucky for getting here, and never forget what he did to earn it.

Felix's gaze moves with his fingertips, up Oliver's warm, bare chest, twisting two fingers in the delicate chain around his throat. He looks pensive; but shakes his head after a beat.

"Different nan," he says distractedly, plastic straw trapped between his teeth. He tugs the chain experimentally, like he's forgotten it's attached to Oliver at all. He's in his head again; Felix is always in his head nowadays, but there's still often echoes of who he was, echoes of what Oliver has fallen for in the first place.

And he's finding himself falling more and more for this version of Felix too. So he tell himself that it was all worth it.

"Love," all these pet names - Love, Darling, Sweetheart - because if he slips up, tries to call him Fi, Oliver knows he'll only get ice in return, "is everything okay?" Oliver carefully reaches up to cover Felix's large, warm hand by his throat with his own. Felix meets his gaze, and gives a faint smile, an attempt to reassure him when he says he's fine. It doesn't work, but Oliver lets it go, and lets Felix tug him in by his chain for a kiss.

"Tea sounds lovely," Oliver murmurs against his lips.

There's something about this visit has Felix alive and buzzing the he way he hasn't in a very long time. Still he's quiet, but his eyes are bright as he follows behind the staff members setting up tea and biscuits in the garden. He goes through all the DVDs the family has and picks out a stack he thinks would be suitable, making sure they're all perfectly stacked by the DVD player. Oliver floats along behind him, and simply allows himself to admire Felix's energy.

Still, Felix finally takes a moment to breathe right as it becomes noon, and decides to have a bath to freshen up before his guest's arrival; two hours before she'd be here, Felix reminds him.

Two hours.

Oliver feels drawn to his own room. He doesn't allow himself to be alone in Saltburn often anymore, doesn't like the thoughts that crop up when he does. Perhaps it's a kind of punishment, a painful reminder, penance for what he's done.

There's a scrap of paper that he keeps tucked in a book in his nightstand, his own handwriting stuffed amongst a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's short stories, words he'd clung to and scribbled out the minute he'd gotten the chance so he'd never forget them exactly.

From the coroner's report, according to Duncan and Sir James. Time of Death; around 2am. Cause; narcotics overdose, and there were signs of alcohol poisoning.

On the back, he'd written '12:07'.

"Mum and dad both say it was a tragic accident," Felix's voice in the dead of night, the night they'd gotten the full report, riddled with guilt and unspilled tears, betrays his disbelief regarding the sentiment. Felix doesn't talk about how his last words to you were shouted with anger. Felix doesn't talk about how your last words to him were a desperate plea for him through tears. Felix doesn't think that it was an accident; only Oliver knows that he's almost right, just not in the way he thinks. Or dreads. But he has to bite his tongue on the truth, and let the man he loves live with this unjust guilt.

The water starts loudly draining for the tub, and Oliver isn't sure how long he's been sitting on the edge of his bed with his eyes squeezed so tightly shut, but he scrambles to stuff the page back into the book, and toss it back into it's drawer. He can smile again, and admire whatever outfit Felix chooses for the rest of the day, and pretend like he doesn't feel your rapid heartbeat or hear your shallow breathing every time he touches that paper, like he had the night he left you.

With the hour drawing ever closer to two, Felix keeps checking his watch. The minute he deems it to be time, he gives up all pretence of small talk - which had been another thing severely lacking as of late - and snatches Oliver's hand, pulling him through the house. They even outstripped Duncan and the footmen by the door when there comes a firm knock. Its the only time Oliver has ever seen any of the Cattons open the doors for themselves.

And it's not Felix's grandmother.

"Hi, nan," Felix sounds so genuinely happy as he hugs the older woman at the door with a warm smile and your eyes.

Oliver feels like he's frozen, like he's seeing a ghost. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Duncan actually standing aside, giving Felix and your grandmother a quietly fond smile.

"I swear you get taller every time I see you, oh, my lovely boy," she says with a warm laugh that sounds so damn familiar, "or maybe I've been shrinking, you get to my age and people tend to do that," and Felix laughs, actually fucking laughs. Oliver realises it's been a long time since he'd heard Felix give a proper laugh like that. As the hug ends, Felix let's her tuck her arm in his as she continues, "just you wait, one day you'll only be six-foot tall." Another laugh, and Oliver can see how genuine and broad he's smiling, how his eyes shine when their gazes meet. She's surprisingly sprightly for her age, it seems. Oliver recognises your grandmother from your funeral, but hadn't made the connection at the time, so he's surprised when Felix goes to introduce him and her eyes sparkle with recognised.

"Nan, I don't know if you've been properly introduced, but this is -"

"Your Darling, Oliver," and it's said with such warmth; her hug feels almost like home, "you strange, little thing," she laughs, "it's called a hug; are you not a hugger? I should have asked," but she doesn't apologise, nor does she let go for a few more beats. Oliver gives into this moment, closes his eyes tightly and hugs her back.

"Our Darling Oliver," Felix echoes with such admiration, and when Oliver opens his eyes, it's the first time since you'd passed where his gaze has held only the love and pride Oliver had been craving since he'd first laid eyes on him.

Once Nana - she'd insisted Oliver call her that too - lets him go, she tucks her arm in his, and is waving Felix over to her other side, briskly asking where tea was to be held. Duncan leads the way and she fawns over him too, apparently downright overflowing with love for Saltburn and everyone and everything in it. She talks more than she doesn't, but considering who Oliver is and who Felix has become, that suits them both just fine.

It's been too long since they've had tea together, she insists, and doesn't talk about why exactly that would be. She doesn't bring you up, not while you were all making your way through the house, but once she's settled outside, she takes a moment. The way she looks at Oliver in this moment makes him queasy; the smile, that look in her eyes, the way her gaze takes all of him in. A woman, whose time is so precious to her, taking her time to make him feel seen. Felix is quiet, intrigued by the exchange.

Your phantom heart beats beneath Oliver's fingertips.

"You're Y/N's grandma," Oliver says quietly, breaking the tension. Present tense still, they all play pretend. She smiles, and finally leans back. The moment is broken; Felix pours them each a cup of tea. Nana takes a jammy dodger and looks over the gardens with a smile.

"Of course, dear," she says sincerely, taking a bite of the biscuit, but being so eager to talk that she spoke through half a mouthful, "and when they were thirteen they told me I was Felix's grandmother too, because they'd overheard Felix's mum talking about how she hoped they'd get married some day." Felix snorted a laugh at that, turning pink around the ears as he prepared everyone's tea, as if on autopilot.

"Does that -" Oliver begins awkwardly, but he tries to smile, "do you think in time, they would have ask the same of you about me?"

"Considering how they spoke about you," there's a twinkle in your Nan's eyes as she turns back to him, smile knowing, "there's absolutely no doubt in my mind, my dear." All you had ever done was love him; love him and stand in the way of the love he desperately craved.

Oliver watches his tea for a long while, spinning the ornate cup on its matching saucer, while your Nana almost immediately picked hers up and took a tentative sip. Watching out of the corner of his eyes, Oliver notes the way her face goes on a journey of emotions, from pleased, to confused, to a sudden realisation as she looks to her cup.

"I should have asked you how you liked your tea," Felix realises too late, apology in his voice as Nana puts her cup down with a forlorn, yet fond look.

"No, darling, it's nice to know you know how my grandchild liked their tea," and she holds her cup delicately, looking into it's warm, brown depths, "just the same as I always made it for both of us when they were much, much younger."

"I am so sorry to ask," Oliver hears himself blurt out, unable to help himself, "but how does all this love just skip a generation?" It comes out far worse than he intends it to; he means to ask how someone so loving as you come from parents so uncaring, yet how did either of those parents turn out the way they did when the woman in front of him was clearly bursting with just as much love as you had been. Thankfully, instead of being offended, your grandmother laughs.

"My daughter is a wonderful, intelligent, compassionate, impressive woman," she begins, but sighs with unmistakable disappointment, "but my late husband was never capable of even trying to be a father over pursuing his own interests, and it's one of the few traits she actually inherited from him," she shook her head, "and she went on to fall in love with a man who loved her but suffered from that exact same defect," after a beat, she looked up with a warm, reassuring smile, "it's why I love Y/N so fiercely, and so hard," her grin turns soft and adoring, looking between the two boys before her, "the only way my daughter has ever disappointed me is as a mother, but I will never be disappointed in Y/N as my grandchild."

Oliver knows there's tears in his eyes, and Felix has ducked his head. Immediately Nan begins apologising, realising she'd set both of them off. Despite this, Oliver tries to wave her away, insisting it's fine, before he asks about her; he's heard bits and pieces he thinks, but Y/N had always been so cagey about their family. Honestly he's surprised that your grandmother knows so much about him when he feels like he's barely heard about her.

Despite turning out to be an incredibly decorated artist, with paintings selling for more than Oliver's pretty sure his own family's house is worth, your Nana is quick to downplay her own successes, simply insisting that it took decades of hard work. Again, he sees you in her eyes.

"We've got a few up around the house," Felix adds, "most of them actually from before we even met Y/N," and your Nana gives him a shove, as if flustered and embarrassed by the idea. But Felix is beaming, happy to be showing off her accomplishments, just as he always took joy in celebrating you; "there's one in your room."

"What?" Oliver asked, and your grandmother also seemed surprised, though touched by the thought.

"It used to be their room, actually, but Ollie moved in there, so Y/N was staying with me," he explains a little awkwardly, wanting to skim around as many implications as he could. Thankfully she doesn't comment. All she asks is which one. Felix and Oliver both think about the room; Felix about the few pieces of art on the walls, Oliver about your time of death in the drawer. You were alive when he left you -

"That one of the stars, and that person smoking; I think you actually gave it to them as a gift," he frowns for a beat, "for when they turned seventeen, I think?"

Oh, Oliver knows that one. It's enchanting, blues so deep, so rich it's like you could swim in them, stars that seemed to actually glow on the canvas, and the hazy, dark outline of the window in the foreground, and part of a figure against the windowsill, lit cigarette the lone spot of fire, of red or orange, that makes everything else warmer for it.

"That one really surprised me actually," Nana admits, giving Felix a shrew smile, though he only seems confused, "did they ever tell you anything about it?"

"Said you painted it for them; pretty sure I remember them crying about it," he says fondly, reminiscing, "one of the best gifts they ever got, I'm not lying, they say it every year. It's beautiful." Then, as if recalling what she'd actually said, he looks at her curiously, "surprised you?"

Her smile widened into something both knowing, and endeared.

"I asked them to send me a photo, a postcard, their very best drawing, anything, as long as it was their favourite place in the world - do you really not recognise it?" The tea and biscuits are gone by now, the tea portion of their afternoon is coming to a close. Felix shook his head, almost looking like a lost child, as if he was aware there was something he was supposed to be understanding but couldn't quite get it, "Felix, my dear boy, they sent me a photo of you; that's their dorm room window from boarding school."

Felix looks winded, and a bit like he's about to cry.

"Oh you two were impossibly sweet," she reaches over and holds his hand tightly, looking over to Oliver earnestly, "you take care of this dear boy and his heart, you hear me?"

"Yes," Oliver all but trips over his words to agree, "of course, nan." And she gives him a pleased grin.

They move indoors after this, Felix quiet but lending his arm to Nana, which she takes, while she explained that usually you and Felix would visit a few times a year when they were on break, but she thought it would be best to come to Saltburn this time, given the circumstances.

"You should come see the place when you get the chance," she insisted, patting Oliver's hand.

"It's mostly where Y/N was raised before they ended up staying at Saltburn," Felix supplied with a grin, piquing Oliver interest.

"Y/N's childhood home? Oh I have to see that," he grins, and your grandmother grins brightly for a long moment.

"I'm sure Y/N would love that, they can give you the grand tour -" but her face falters, falls, as if she'd just remembered. Sombre silence, the spell is broken. "I'd love to have you around, dear," she corrects, much softer this time.

Felix lets her pick a movie, while Oliver settles himself awkwardly on the sofa. He wants to reach out to Felix, to touch his cheek, feel his boyish smile and know that it's real. But Felix isn't really even looking at him. There's something childlike about his enthusiasm here, about how he sits on his knees on the floor, watching with rapt attention as your grandmother pores over them. He practically glows as she praises his choices. When she picks one, she hands it over and he scrambles on all fours across the short floor space to the DVD player, fumbling with the case like he can't put it in fast enough. There's a softness in your grandmother's eyes as she watches the boy who has seemingly forgotten the man he is; when she looks at Oliver, its like he sees her asking how easy is he to adore, what a beautiful young man.

"You don't mind watching a movie do you, Oliver, dear?" She asks, though it's clearly an afterthought. He's already shaking his head, assuring her it's fine. Felix is already scrambling back, remote in hand. Oliver tries to make space for him on the sofa between himself and your Nana, but he seems content to sit on the floor in front of her, leaning back against the sofa with her knees gently pressed against either of his shoulders. Handing her the remote, Felix twists to give Oliver an expectant smile.

"Come here, mate," he insists, patting his lap, his legs kicked out in front of him. At Oliver's obvious confusion, Felix blinks for a few moments. It's like he's waking from a dream. His face falls, he goes to apologise, strained smile on his face, "sorry, I know that's weird, you don't have to -"

Slowly, Oliver moves from the sofa, sitting beside Felix on the floor. Your grandmother's knee is pressed gently to his back, but he's not quite sure if he's capable of relaxing enough in this moment to mind. She's playing with Felix's hair, having already started the movie.

"This is what you and Y/N would do," Oliver said softly, and rested his head on Felix's shoulder. Felix takes his hand, and laces their fingers together.

"Do you like it when people play with your hair, Oliver?" Your grandmother asks idly.

"Um, sometimes," he answers, still feeling rather awkward. He hears her chuckle warmly.

"It's okay if you don't want me to; Felix likes it so much he lets me braid it when it's long like this."

"Oh, I know Felix loves it," Oliver hears himself agree, "if he were a cat he'd be the kind to purr any time someone scratched between his little cat ears." And while both he and your grandmother share a fond laugh, he can hear Felix's smile in his words. He gives Oliver's hand a squeeze.

"I can't even argue; I wish I could purr right now."

Oliver wants to bottle this moment forever, keep it locked tight in his chest.

But the movie is a long one. One hour and fifty six minutes. Two hours rounded up. A whole two hours. Enough time to fall asleep with his head in Felix's lap the way they both said you used to. He wakes with your heartbeat in his ears, rapid, alive, left for dead.

"You okay buddy?" Felix looks at him with genuine love and concern; it's been such a long time since he'd seen that look, even with everything that had been happening, "I'm here, you're okay," he assured. Over by the television, putting the remote back, your grandmother glances over at the interaction with a warmth that makes Oliver feel queasy in this moment.

And he'll look up from the book, from his notes from the coroner's report crammed in, obscuring the end of one story while The Tell-Tale Heart begins on the other. Felix will be getting ready for bed in the other room, but he won't sleep there. He can't sleep there. Can't sleep in that bed without you, can't move the costumes from that night that hang side by side as a reminder of the hole you'd left behind in his life. Oliver will read approximately two am in his own messy handwriting, and look at the digital clock on his bedside that had read 12:07 when he'd crashed into his room and locked the door and sunk down against it. The numbers had been shining red in the darkness. On the wall behind, that starry night sky and the hint of Felix and his cigarette; a home you'll never return to hung up in the home you'll never truly leave.

He put enough coke in that bottle to kill a fucking lion. He'd given you the bottle. He'd told you he loved you. He'd left you like that.

He knew you were dying.

He'd left you alive.

Two hours.

The book snaps shut. In the silence he thinks he hears your breathing. Please, Ollie, help. Paranoia is a cruel thing, he has to tell himself; paranoia and guilt.

"Can I ask you something?" Felix joins him just as he's putting the book back in it's drawer. Oliver, heart beat racing - never as fast as the memory of yours, oh now it's all he can think about again - nods quickly. Felix sits on the end of the bed, clearly preoccupied, fussing with the buttons of his pyjama shirt. The days are getting cooler now; Oliver misses his bare skin against his, but he still feels too precarious to make such an observation.

"It's about Y/N," Felix swallows, can't meet his eyes, "about that night." Oliver feels his mouth go dry; the worst fucking night of his life. The night he doesn't know if he'll ever figure out if he regrets all he'd done.

He nods again.

"Were you the last person they spoke to?" It's like Felix is forcing himself to not shy away from this moment, giving Oliver the attention he thinks he deserves for such an important question. Then, after swallowing hard, he can't help but drop his gaze, "why," he can barely get it out, there's already a lump in his throat, "didn't they come into the maze too?" Oliver can't even give him that.

You'd been such a mess on your way to the maze, even with Oliver supporting you. Crying, furious, apologetic; you were everything at once. Even when you couldn't bring yourself to go in, everything about you had been sliding from one emotion to the next. But then it had stopped.

"I can wait for Fi here." It's the most sure that he'd seen you all night. It's when he knew. It had to be you, even if he loved you too. He'd never forget how clear your smile was, how sincere you'd urged him into the maze to follow the tail of what he thought was right. The sight of you, waiting, obedient and loyal for your master to return; "I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

Oliver knew before he'd even entered the maze that Felix's return to you would be too late.

In the present, Felix waits too, diligent, expectant. Oliver thinks about lying. Oliver thinks about how the truth will break his heart. Oliver thinks about how close Felix will hold him in his guilt riddled grief.

"I don't think they wanted to interrupt -" Oliver tries to start, but Felix immediately swears, hangs his head.

"Can't fucking believe I did that," he spits, "I was angry, and off my fucking face, sure, but that was fucking low, even for me," he admitted, pitching himself back on the bed, whole face scrunched up with guilt, barking out an upset fuck far louder than the others, prompting to Oliver to tentatively ask what he means. Felix took a moment, as if forcing himself to calm down, before he admits, voice low like he was sharing a secret, "I never even took Eddie into the maze," he sighed. After a beat, he conceded, "no, okay I did, but we didn't do anything - we made out a bit, but -"

"You didn't fuck you ex-boyfriend in the maze," Oliver connected the dots quickly, "but you did fuck your best friend's ex-not-girlfriend who you kind of stole from them, out of spite after kicking them out of your the bed you've been sharing all Summer?"

"Fucking hell, Ollie!" Felix sounds especially wounded when he lays it all out like that.

"Sorry," immediately, Oliver apologises, knot in his stomach when he hears Felix's pained tone. He wonders if this was what it was like for you all through the night of his birthday. Fuck, he can't think about that.

"No, but you're right," Felix admits, eyes finally opening, looking all hurt and vulnerable. Oliver lays himself down next to Felix, going the other way, both of them looking up at the ceiling. Oliver's hands rest on his chest, trying again, softer this time.

"So was a special place to them?" He gets no response other than a guilty nose from Felix, "you think that's why they wanted to wait by the entrance?"

"They wanted to wait for me," Felix says weakly, clearly in his head about that night once more, "didn't want to interrupt even as I was fucking defiling our-" but he catches himself turning bitter again, mouth snapping closed, "after everything I said that night," he mumbles, "fucking hell," he chokes out. The pain in his voice is audible. This is the sweet spot, Oliver thinks.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver whispers amid Felix's faint sobs.

"What?"

"You asked me what their last words were," Oliver told him as softly as he could manage; Felix sits up, eyes wide, distraught, so full of guilt and love and - "only thing they were properly coherent about; waiting for you," Oliver props himself up, reaches out to wipe a tear from Felix's cheek.

"You're not- Ollie, please tell me you're not kidding," Felix practically begs.

"I can wait for Fi here," Oliver reiterates, making sure to meet Felix's gaze as he holds his face, "'s the last thing they said- they said; I'll be here, I promise; I'll wait."

God he can see it in Felix's eyes; it's like the man's entire world crashes down around him. But he clings just as Oliver had hoped he would. As Felix holds him tightly, Oliver can't look at the glaring, red numbers of the clock on his bedside, the constant reminder of the two hours where he could have done something. Two hours and those wouldn't have been your last words.

He looks at the painting. At the stars. At Felix and his cigarette and your idea of what home looks like. The stars look just like they did that night. Just as bright. Oliver closes his eyes. Guilt twists people into shapes they don't often recognise; Oliver just holds Felix, hopes they twist into something together.

Except Oliver's guilt isn't the kind that twists, it's the kind that bites. It's like moths, eating him from the inside out. The guilt leaves him with jagged edges and thoughts he'd rather not be having; there are shades of Felix Catton that he loves, but shame and revulsion bites just behind the guilt as the months pass and he realises more and more this is not what he wanted. This is not the Felix he wanted.

Felix is like an echo, like the sun without it's warmth; he can look just the same, smile, talk, charm just the same if it was required of him, but there was something clearly missing from every interaction. Guests to Saltburn would pull his parents aside and ask if everything was alright. He is, but he is not the same as he once was.

Every day Oliver looks in the mirror and sees something grotesque behind his eyes that no-one else seems to notice. Felix Catton was meant to be the prize, the one who tossed aside everything but the best, the one who made the world fight for his attention, and feel heartbroken when he merely looked the other way. After all this, Felix Catton was not someone Oliver expected to be bored by.

Oliver Quick had lied for, lied to, betrayed the trust of, worked to gain the trust back of, loved, made fall in love with him, and literally murdered the love of his life who he also loved and was themselves also in love with Oliver while still considering Felix the love of their life, just to get a chance to spend his life by Felix fucking Catton's side. He wasn't allowed to not want this.

Felix smiles at him, says he loves him, fucks him, but it's not the dream Oliver once had. Something is always missing. No. Oliver deliberately took that thing away. But he can never admit that, nor can he ever regret that; too far gone. Oliver doesn't want to talk about the past, Felix can't being himself to talk about the future. Trapped together in the present, living lives that no longer feel like enough. Their routine becomes suffocating. Even Venetia, the few times she's stopped back at Saltburn, can barely manage a disdainful look, as if merely inconvenienced by Oliver's presence.

The growing apathy of the estate and it's occupants is exhausting. The cost of this lifestyle has long since surpassed it's value. He's even bored of being haunted. Two hours feels like fucking nothing when the days drag on the way they have been. Behind his eyelids he doesn't see you begging for help, you hiss for him to run, to get out.

He should have listened.

"Ollie, can I show you something I found?" Felix sounds bright today, and though Oliver wants to roll his eyes at the idea of anything in this house being new or novel enough to show off, he smiles back instead.

"'course Felix, what is it?"

Except Felix isn't smiling at him. Felix is looking far more serious and determined, sitting on the edge of their shared bed. Oliver immediately frowns.

"Have you been hiding something from me, Ollie?" It's a trap; a forced confession. Oliver shakes his head, plays dumb. Felix takes a deep breath, the kind that shifts his whole body, his expression remaining firm, "before I show you this thing, I want you to be honest with me; you promised you wouldn't lie to me anymore, you remember?" Oliver tries to lighten the mood, leaning against the window with a warm smile.

"Of course, my lovely Felix, no more lying," he assures, but the hairs on the back of his neck stand up with the way Felix remains quiet.

"What's seven-past-twelve mean?" Felix is watching him closely; too closely. Scrutinising his every move. It's like Oliver's been doused in ice water, even his tongue frozen in his mouth, "and what's it got to do with what happened on the night of your birthday?"

Felix doesn't even look at the night table as he opens it; his gaze is solely on Oliver. It's clear he'd done this before, pulling out the book, flicking through it's pages, and pulling the delicate, incriminating piece of paper out from where it had been safe for so many months.

"Felix, I-"

"What does twelve-oh-seven mean?"

Oliver is the deer again, trapped in Felix's accusatory gaze. For just a moment, Felix's voice drops, pleading with him for some other explanation, that Oliver wasn't somehow caught up in what happened, more closely, more malevolently than he'd ever said -

"Tell me," there's tears in his eyes, the furious kind, the ones where he's desperate to love and hope against all odds, "Oliver," he pleads through gritted teeth, "tell me you didn't know."

"Know what?" Oliver's voice is a hoarse whisper; he knows he is caught, all he has left now is borrowed time and a desperately silver tongue he doesn't know if he can rely on anymore. But Oliver's tragically weak denial is enough for Felix to all but jump to the right conclusion.

In a rush, Felix has Oliver by the collar of his shirt, pressed to the window -

"You knew they were dying and you fucking left them there."

This is the tipping point, the end of whatever good this had been. Felix could hurt him, Felix had hurt countless people on your behalf, he'd seen it himself. But Felix had always been the bleeding heart; you were the one who had to be kept on a leash. Felix could hurt him, could probably maim him for what Oliver was about to say, but he never shared your stomach for true Machiavellianism.

"Of course I knew," Oliver managed coldly, despite Felix attempting to crush all the air from him, "the amount of coke I gave them in that champagne could have killed a rhino-" it needed to be unforgiveable, the confession, so Felix would let him leave, would never want to see him again. He hadn't expected the force of Felix's rage to have the glass behind him give out.

Oliver falls from the second story window into the hedge garden below. Felix's shouting is tearing through the whole house it seemed, making his way downstairs, while Oliver tries to regain his breath and figure out if anything's broken. He's pretty sure it's not, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt as Felix drags him by his feet from the hedges, demanding at the top of his lungs that Oliver get the fuck out of Saltburn.

Every single person who'd been in the house comes outside to view the commotion, to see Oliver struggling to his feet, to get away from Oliver. Elspeth looks helplessly between the two boys, wondering what happened -

"Tell her what you did," Felix demanded, once more getting into Oliver's space, jabbing at his chest, "tell her what the fuck you just told me -" and Oliver's strength isn't insignificant, but Felix is in a fury, flooded with rage and adrenaline, and he grabs the back of Oliver's shirt like he's scuffing a cat, shoving him towards his mother like an offering. Oliver struggles because he feels like he has to, feels wild, feels feral, but it's the most of anything he's gotten from Felix in so long. His mouth stays shut, won't give him the satisfaction of a confession.

"He killed them," Felix doesn't even let Oliver have his power play before he grows bored. He shoves Oliver just a little, grip unyielding despite Oliver's best efforts, like he means nothing to him. Elspeth and Sir James are confused, looking between them both, but Felix isn't done with stringing Oliver up for all of Saltburn to see, "Y/N; he intentionally dosed their drink and left them to die outside the maze."

The Catton parents immediately look crestfallen; it's the first time in months Oliver's felt genuine guilt again. Oliver stops fighting. Felix lets him go. Elspeth asks him if this is true; that heartbroken hope is going to make him sick.

"Just send me away already," he drops his head.

"Oliver," Elspeth's voice is firmer this time; when he looks up, she's stepping towards him, tears in her eyes despite how hard she's clearly trying to hold herself together, "is Felix telling the truth?" Is this it? Is this the final gate to his freedom from Saltburn.

"Yes."

Elspeth slaps him so hard her ring draws blood. Oliver hadn't thought that was even possible, but his head is ringing from the collision.

"Get. Out." She hisses with absolute malice as he's hunched over, clutching his face. Felix is by his mother's side in a heartbeat, arm around her, looking at Oliver with contempt. Behind them, Sir James is ordering Duncan and the other staff members to get Oliver off of the property as quickly as possible, but the look in Elspeth's eyes is burning, "this is my family, you monster."

At first, it almost feels worth it to leave Saltburn. To leave the Cattons and their bullshit and their games behind. He thinks he knows them well enough to trust that they don't want the kind of scandal a murder on their hands would be, and for the most part, he's right.

It's not the Cattons who haunt him after Saltburn, though they may be pulling the strings. It's you. It's you sitting on Felix's bed in his dorm room reading every single detail of Michael Gavey's file with threats on your tongue. It's the casual way you talked about being able to access his academic files to change his grades if he wanted. It's you, tipsy at Saltburn, admitting that you got Eddie transferred without his consent to a university on the other side of the country after he cheated on Felix with Venetia.

There's no place for Oliver to return to at Oxford... He's not entirely surprised about that, however, there's also apparently no record of him ever attending. Any calls or enquiries he makes are shut down with the kind of immediacy that seemed reserved for shows about government conspiracies. When applications open for other universities, it seems websites shut down the minute he fills out his damn name. Nowhere in the world seems willing to consider him.

Having him audited seems like overkill. When it happens the next year, despite no employer willing to even consider him for an interview, the existential dread of his situation sets in.

Felix never had the stomach to finish the job; he'd let you haunt Oliver forever.

[miumiubaek]

chimera ~ gojo satoru x reader

part 7: carte blanche

chimera: a strange, horrible, or impossible idea or figment of the imagination

Summary: loving him was like a lucid dream and not being acknowledged or loved did not deter you from giving your all but what if you are tired now, what if all the love has burnt out, what if one day you wake up from this morning dream or worse what if you realise don't love him anymore.

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x Reader

Tags: gojo x reader, unrequited love (the other way), ANGST, sfw, really down bad reader, PINING, i feel so bad for them both, gojo redemption arc. MY BABY. he falls first, he falls harder, he keeps falling.

Materlist

Satoru has been trying to keep you at arms length but still around him to make sure you are safe, you have been staying with him, he has kept a respectful and safe distance, but breakfast lunch and dinner it is always something you loved or remember mentioning to shoko that you wanted to try in your life.

You are on the kitchen island eating your breakfast, the best avocado toast you have ever had in your life, satoru enters the house. "where were you?", you ask and his demeanor changes, he is smiling slightly trying to put back his keys on the key hook and he slips three times before he succeeds and he nervously walks into the room, its always like this, him on eggshells around you. "Please be normal, this is making me guilty", you sigh continuing to eat the toast. "Dwid you mwake wese", you ask mid chew and he chuckles, he sits next to you on the chair and nod. "you like that?" "i'd eat it everyday for the rest of my life", you say and he just smiles "no it would be too much for you" "no, this is just what i want, don't care if its too much", maybe you are both not talking about the sandwich.

you think gojo has been relaxing a bit after you started staying with him and you are glad, later in the evening when you are trying to read a book utahime called you to catch up because shoko updated her but she did not understand shit. "so he loves you", your face is red but you let out a "mmhm", and let utahime ponder for a minute. "but you don't love him, you only think you love him because you are manipulated by the curse in you", you let out another hum leaning against the bed frame. "makes sense", she says and your jaw is wide open. "just like that? it took me three days and multiple crying sessions that made me pass out to accept this", you say and look up at the ceiling to try and control the tears, its still sensitive, you cannot believe you don't actually love him. its just not possible. "it never made sense to me, imagine the number of chances you gave that douche that's not something normal you would do", she says and you let your mind wander. if you forget everything that happened till today will you still love satoru, will you be ok with not loving him, just thinking about not having feelings for satoru makes your chest ache a bit. suddenly you feel something wet on your lips and you touch it and all you see is blood allover your hand. "shit, fuck", you stand up and the drops of blood are making a mess on the floor and you feel your head hurt. satoru runs into the room hearing you curse and his hands starts shaking as soon as he sees blood on your face and some on the floor, you touching your nose did not help at all because you're entire face is smeared with blood now and satoru thinks he is going to faint. "no, no no no no", he says as he rushes to hold you close. "its my nose, just my nose", you say as he sits you down on the bed, his hands are still shaking and just then you feel zaps of his cursed energy and suddenly there's no blood. none. nothing on your face or your hands, "wait what?", you are looking at your hands checking the back. "how did you do that", he shrugs. "i don't know its an instinct at this point, i see you hurt my body goes into autopilot to do this", you are slowly nodding. "okay... but blood? where did my blood go?", you ask and he is also clueless. "i don't know actually, when i use it on myself the blood does not go anywhere, but when i do on you the blood also vanishes" "wait, you saved me", you say confusing him. "when you hit me with red, because of mana you saved me after that?", you say and his eyes are wide as he nods. "lets not talk about that", he stands up. "i still feel kinda dizzy", you and your white lies to make him stay. he is next to you the next minute "you have to stay longer it might come back", you say making him sigh and lean back on the chair he found in the corner of the room. as you sit there chewing on your lips another realisation hits you. "WAIT", you exclaim making satoru jump slightly. "you also bought me those sour candies that day when i was helping yuji", you nod like you have solved a puzzle and satoru is standing up "no idea what you are talking about, i will go get a more comfortable pillow for you to lean on", he says walking out of the room with a red face.

The next day, you and satoru are walking in the halls of the school, the first years are back after a mission satoru sent them to and he is going to hear all about what happened and you will be there because... frankly because the man is too terrified to let you out of his sight. "oh gojo sensei you're early, oh you are here to sensei", they are nice enough to enthusiastically greet you, nobara is gushing over how good the brownies were and how your shoes look great, she invites you for a day of shopping which you agree to. "back to what's important", satoru sits down on his chair before realising you are there too but he sees that you're already resting on a desk your legs folded. he tries very hard to hide his smile, you could breathe and satoru would have this urge to combust.

after discussing the mission and dramatically showing how yuji and nobara fought this two curses that just refused to die, satoru is treating you all to sushi, he just had to take a 10 minute break before that to go bother nanami. as you watch the first years goof around suddenly sukuna's mouth appears on yuji's face, just like the other day. "that curse is playing with you huh, told you she is not good news", he says with a smug voice and e slaps a hand over the mouth only for it to appear on his hand. "i have a solution to get rid of her from you, you won't die.. if i wanted to", you are interested now. "that's possible?", you ask. "sensei don't talk to him", yuji says trying to get rid of the mouth. "tch brat learn to shut up, i'd help you for nothing because i hate the bitch more than anyone", sukuna says a wicked grin on that mouth. "i'm not sure, i have to talk to satoru" "talk to satoru about what", he enters the room right on time to see you standing there pale, with sukuna speaking freely. "everything alright?", he is next to you in an instant. "i'm just helping little bird here to get rid of the curse that's making her love you, you wouldn't like that would you?", he says with a sinister laugh following right after. "pay no attention to what he says" "oh i know what you want, you want her to be deceived as your little pet till the days she dies, we know she wouldn't turn to look at you if it wasn't for the curse, pathetic", he spat and satoru's hands are in a fist. "talk, tell me how that is possible, i looked into every way but everybody told me that's not possible without killing her in the process", satoru says you hold onto him because this is escalating fast. "The brat has eaten four fingers? that's enough for me to get her out of you birdie, only doing this because i wanna kill that damned curse myself, gotta avenge something", he says and satoru actually considers it. Sukuna has no business messing with you so he is thinking about agreeing.

You are lying on the bed, eyes wide open, breathing uneven because of your nervousness, you stand up to go knock on satoru's door and it is not locked actually, after hearing his come in you slowly open it to see him sitting on his bed, "i can't sleep", you say clutching his door. "Oh" is all he says. "can i come in? can we talk for sometime", you say making him nod. "so tomorrow huh", he says trying to start a conversation and you take a seat next to him on the bed. "yeah... tomorrow", you play with your fingers, pulling on the broken skin near your nails. "how do you feel" "scared, i'm so scared", you inch closer hoping to find some comfort in his warmth. "it will be ok, you will feel like yourself again", he says. "but that's what scary, i'm so comfortable with the illusion that reality is scaring me, reality is unfamiliar and what i have right now is beautiful, i don't want it to change", your eyes are brimmed with tears and satoru sighs before cupping your face. "reality might be ugly, but it is better than whatever false reality you are convinced is good", his thumb traces your cheeks. "the only thing i don't wanna lose is my love for you, i wish i could just love you more when i'm free of the curse", he chuckles. "yknow if life taught me one thing, its that love is the cruelest curse of them all and i'm not hoping for life to be kind to me in any way", your lips jut out automatically from crying and satoru wishes he could kiss you right now, but he would never do that. never to you. he is happy feeling your face in his palm and having your breath caress his face. he would live his entire life reminiscing the moment he held you in his arms, hugged you tight and just cried. in love, in each others arms.

sukuna is going to get rid of the curse in you tomorrow, satoru agreed that it would be the best considering how mana is trying to destroy you from the inside. You might not be the same person you are tomorrow because you don't know how much of your personality is mana's doing. you hope you still love baking, loved sour sweets and loved the ocean and as you stare at satoru's eyes you hope you would still be willing you dive into these baby blues when you see them again. "can i sleep here, i want to, one last time", you whisper and even though satoru is skeptical how can he deny you? you nuzzle closer holding onto him so tight. "if i saw a shooting star right now", you push your face into his chest breathing shaky, "i would wish to love you again tomorrow and the day after and after for eternity" you don't see satoru's bittersweet smile or feel the silent peck he leaves on your hair. tomorrow you will be free, free of the curse, free of the fate of loving someone like satoru.

A/N : no calm after the storm in this household they thrive in chaos

Taglist: @satorugooner , @saoirses-things , @labelt-san

[7ndipity]

When Their Crush Has a Crush

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: In connection with the Secret Crush HCs, how they would react/get jealous to finding out that their crush has feelings for someone(or even another member)

Warnings: angst, swearing

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! We’re back with more of that unrequited angst that y’all apparently love lol! This also kinda reminded me of this jealousy reaction I made awhile back, so there’s that if you want to check those out too!

Masterlist

Requests are open

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Jin:

Oh, he HATES it. And does not hide it, though he’s giving you five different reasons why he hates it, and none of them are the truth, at least not entirely.

“They don't strike me as the relationship type.” “I think they might be a murderer.” “They’re just not good enough for you.”

Tries to make himself look better in comparison.

But he’s not trying to make a move! Nonono, he would never do that. He just wants you to know what a better option looks like.

Yeah, that’s it.🙄

Yoongi:

Tries to not let it bother him, and by that I mean he’s like “of-course-you-would-find-someone-why-wouldn’t-you?-it’s-not-like-he-ever-told-you-how-he-felt-but-it’s-totally-fine-and-not-haunting-his-every-waking-moment-but-omg-what-if-you-actually-get-with-them-”

Yeah, no, he’s going to majorly overthink the whole situation, like it’s bad.

Would probably withdraw for a bit, but then realizes that he can’t stand the distance and gets kinda clingy.

Which clingy Yoongi is like? A whole different person?

This would probably be one of the few moments that would tip you off about his true feelings.

Hobi:

Tries not to be bothered at first, bc it’s just a crush, it doesn’t mean anything… Right?

Queue him getting in his head and starting to worry about literally everything.

Throws so much side eye though and knit picks whoever's caught your attention, but he can’t quite help it.

Would end up slipping up and saying something about he doesn’t think they’re a good match for you. Which leads to you asking who would be a good match for you then?

And then he either just says idk, or ends up basically describing himself and hoping you don’t notice how desperately he’s trying not to confess right then and there.

Namjoon:

Gets jealous super easily, you already know, though you don’t quite know why.

As I said before, if you so much as even mention being into somebody, he’s pulling back and distancing himself a bit as a kind of defense mechanism.

Or else he tries to avoid being around them or bringing them up in conversation, though he’ll deny that’s what he’s doing if you ask.

Is so fucking passive aggressive about anything relationship related, you end up thinking that he must’ve got dumped or smth and feeling kinda bad for him.

Which ends up triggering this weird sort of truce between you where you just don’t talk about it for a while.

Jimin:

Lowkey panicking inside. Because yeah, hypothetically he wants you to be happy and live your best life, but does it have to be with them? Or anyone?

Would want to try to dissuade your feelings for them a bit, but he doesn’t want to come off as manipulative or disrespectful of your opinion.

“They don’t seem like a good match for you.”

He’s mostly kinda mad at himself, cause if he’d just told you how he felt earlier, he wouldn’t be in this situation.

Would probably start seriously considering actually confessing, cause he cannot stand being in this weird limbo state with you.

Taehyung:

Ngl, he’s so dramatic, even if it’s just a tiny crush, he’s going to be kinda heartbroken, like you might as well have kissed them in front of him.

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but you get what I’m saying. He’s not cool with this.

Does not hide his feelings of disdain for whoever’s caught your attention.(they are not passing the vibe check)

Gets hella clingy and wants to be with you constantly, so that you don’t really have time for them? If that even makes sense?

Tries to find things to impress you and get you to take notice of him cause don’t you think he’s nice too? Don’t you think he’d make a good partner too?

Jungkook:

The sulkiest man to ever exist.

He can not stand it, even if it's a purely theoretical situation, like all you said was that you thought some guy was cute, and now he’s imagining all the worst case scenarios where he could lose you to them.

Like Tae, he’d get soo fucking possessive and clingy, trying to prove himself to you, though he might not exactly be sure what he’s trying to prove.

Would actively try to put himself between you and them if at all possible.

As I said before, this would probably be his achilles heel that pushes him over the edge and leads to him confessing, even if he knows it’s the wrong time.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @captainorangegoose @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis

[h-170]

can we do a little angst 🥺 where maybe reader is dating another idol or even a member but sakura plays them enough they end up cheating w/ her?… she’s so fine me next!!!

OHHHHHMYYYYYGAAAAWD THIS IS GONNA BE SO HARD TO WRITE CUZ THE REAL SAKUKU WOULD NEVER DO THAT 😭

UGHH cmon autumn be strong 😫

also srry i didnt do it sooner smth came up and i didnt have time to write at all :(

✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆

“Was it worth it?”

sakura rn: 🤫🧏‍♀️

Sakura Miyawaki x female reader

Kim Chaewon x female reader (‼️For the plot‼️)

Angst

Cheating & getting caught

Manipulation (not really? idk :V...)

Betrayal

Swearing

Making out

I couldn't think of other warnings. If there are, please tell me!

✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆☾ ✩₊˚.⋆

"CHAEEEEE! COME BACK!"

"No."

You get off the couch and drop to your knees, holding one of Chaewon's legs to prevent her from walking as you faked a cry. All the other members watch as they laugh their ass off.

"Chae, please-"

"YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME FALL! LET GO!!"

Reluctantly, you let go, watching her leave as you lay down, stomach on the cold floor. Sakura was the only one to stand up and walk towards you, a few chuckles leaving her as the others kept laughing and joking about your behavior.

"Y/N..."

She gently taps on your shoulder. Her voice was soothing and calm.

"Come on, get off the floor, or you'll get cold."

You lift your head up, a pout on your face as you look to your side, seeing Sakura kneeled beside you.

"No (⩺_⩹)"

"Y/N..."

"No >:("

Sakura sighs and wraps her arms around you, forcing you to sit up before lifting you up 'bridal style', settling you down on the couch next to her sitting spot. She sits down next to you, patting your head as you pout angrily at her.

"Aww, you look so cute when angry, unnie!"

"...>:("

Yunjin laughs hard when Eunchae makes that comment, Kazuha smiling uncontrollably just by seeing her laugh.

"Chae is so mean."

You fake cry onto Sakura's shoulder, the others bursting into laughter again. That moment when Chaewon came back with a glass of water, she looked between you and the eldest.

"OH, SO YOU'RE REPLACING ME NOW?!"

"YES!"

She puts the glass of water down and grabs your arm, pulling you up.

"You think Kkura unnie is a better girlfriend? I'll show you >:("

"Shut up D:<"

Meanwhile, Sakura puts her hands on her face, but they weren't on her mouth to silence her laughter, they were on her cheeks to hide her blush.

You see...

Long story short, Sakura has a massive crush on you. Ever since you've met her at a signing event, she can't stop thinking about you. However, she slightly regretted the moment when she told the other members she asked for your number because you looked like a nice person – that wasn't the reason; she found you stunning – since after you met the idols, Chaewon fell hard for you, and unlike Sakura, SHE made the first move.

Honestly? She was happy for her leader, but jealous because she stole her secret crush that she met first.

But there wasn't anything she could do... Right?

[...] — End of flashback

On that same night, after all the girls fell asleep, you stayed awake, still thinking about what Chaewon said. You started feeling insecure; does Chaewon really think that low of you? I mean, it was a joke, yes, but did she think you would actually cheat on her? You rub your forehead, trying to ease your headache. It wasn't all that, you also trusted Sakura, she wouldn't do anything like that... Or would she?

You planned on going out with all the members to the attraction park tomorrow, but little did you know things would take a wild turn.

[...]

The next morning, you wake up last. Realizing you were late and everyone is probably waiting for you downstairs but for some reason didn't wake you up, you jump out of bed. When you turn around, someone is standing behind the door, and of course, it's Sakura.

"Am I late?!"

"No, don't worry. We're all eating breakfast downstairs."

You sigh in relief, making Sakura giggle lowly.

"I'll be with you guys in a minute."

"Alright..."

She trails off, scanning your face.

"Have you slept well? You seem tired."

"Well..."

You pause, thinking if you should answer truthfully or brush it off. You thought mixing both would be the best idea.

"Not really... But it's okay, I was just having, uh... Some thoughts before sleeping."

"Are you sure? We can cancel the-"

"No, no, I'm okay, really."

Sakura smiles warmly at you and nods, leaving the room. Her actions made you all fuzzy inside; she was so caring.

You head over to the closet, choosing your clothes before finishing up in the bathroom, then go downstairs. You were greeted warmly by all the members and sat down, eating breakfast with them. By the time you were done, everyone was ready and it was time to go.

You all decided to walk there since it was close to your house, the girls wearing caps and hoodies to not be recognized. It was gonna be annoying to keep their identities hidden during the entire time, but they were confident in the fact that they will have fun either way.

Now you all forgot one thing: the attraction park doesn't open so early. You all laugh as you realize how stupid the decision was so you end up waiting in a nearby cafe instead.

Once the attraction park opened, the maknae ran first, followed by Yunjin then Chaewon, yelling at them for being childish and that you should stick together to not get lost. You and the other two run after them with big smiles on your faces; this is the beginning of a fun day!

[...]

You guys literally tried ALL attractions, from fun to scary ones, and you also tried claw machines! Most of them were scams, but you managed to get one for your girlfriend! Not the one she wanted, though she took it anyway. You also got one for Eunchae while Sakura got none, even though you expected her to get the most. Yunjin and Kazuha didn't mind not having a plushie, and you were all getting tired anyway, so you went back home and Sakura cooked ramyeon for lunch.

Nothing happened much after that, just Eunchae picking on Chaewon because her plushie was bigger than hers, recalling funny moments back at the attraction park when you all screamed and laughed; everything was filmed on Sakura's phone.

Night came by quickly, and you ordered takeout for dinner since Sakura didn't have the strength to cook anything, just like all of you. You and Chaewon shared a plate (she just gave you a piece because you said you weren't that hungry but you were actually starving and since that was Chaewon's favorite plate you weren't going to bother her) and Sakura and Eunchae shared theirs.

It was now time for sleep, and you all headed to your bedrooms.

[...]

4 am.

I'm so hungry...

You get out of bed, carefully trying not to wake up Chaewon. You tiptoe downstairs, but there was already a silhouette in the kitchen...

"Y/N?"

Of course, Sakura.

"Hey..."

"Why are you here?"

"I was hungry... Why are you here?"

"I was also hungry."

You two chuckle quietly, what a coincidence!

"Here, I made some extra ramyeon. Have some."

"It's fine, I won't steal from your plate, I'll just eat something else..."

"Hey, it's okay. There is too much, I wasn't gonna eat it all anyway."

You give in, watching as Sakura gives you a plate. It was really hot so you just waited until it cooled down.

"Does Chaewon know you're here?"

"Haha, no, she's still sleeping."

Sakura smiles, playing with her chopsticks. A few moments pass and you try to eat again, but it's still burning hot.

"Still hot?"

"Yeah... I don't know why."

Sakura gets up, looking around.

"What are you searching for?"

"My mini fan, maybe that'll cool it... But I don't remember where I put it."

You also get up, helping her search for it. Eventually, you find it on the living room table, but it was low on battery, so you had to charge it somewhere. While waiting, you settle down on the couch, silence engulfing you both.

"This is... Awkward."

"Truly, but I still find it weird that your ramyeon isn't cooling off."

"I know, maybe I turned the heat on too high."

"Wouldn't it have burnt?"

"Hm."

Your stomach growls as you keep talking about the ramyeon waiting for you in the kitchen, and you blush in embarrassment.

"Very hungry?"

"I think the sound from earlier answered your question, Kkura."

She giggles, but then her phone buzzes.

"...why did you bring your phone downstairs-"

"It's just a habit of bringing it wherever I go."

"Who is it?"

Sakura reads the message, her eyebrows frowning.

"Kkura?"

"My friend broke up with her boyfriend."

"Oh."

You look at the message, reading it too.

"Shitty personality?"

"Yeah, he was like that."

"Like what?"

Sakura pauses, thinking on how to explain it.

"He's... A bit like Chaewon, but worse."

"Like Chaewon?"

"Kinda, yeah. I mean, you know..."

You nod, understanding. Chaewon, at first glance, would be considered as a toxic person, but she does care about others. But then, Sakura asks a question that makes your whole insides working to answer it.

"But, speaking of Chaewon, does she... Hurt you, at least a bit like him?"

You pause, rubbing the back of your neck.

"What... Do you mean?"

"Considering that him and her have alike personalities, I just want to know – since my friend was hurt enough to break up with him – if you feel the same way."

"Oh..."

"I know Chaewon could be... Quite disrespectful and selfish sometimes, but I want to see your point of view."

"I mean... She is, sometimes... But she's just like that."

"It still doesn't mean that she can hurt you in any way."

"No, no, of course, but..."

You trail off, thinking. Sakura puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Y/N, I know I shouldn't intervene in your business with Chaewon, but I care about you as well, and I need to know. Is she treating you unfairly?"

"Recently..."

"Tell me."

"It's just... She started growing more distant. Less clingy than before and she's more angry at me. Whatever I do, even as a joke, is considered something bad for her. And especially after what happened yesterday, I just can't stop thinking about it."

"What part of yesterday?"

"When she said that I think you're a better girlfriend."

"I see."

"I started thinking that she really thinks I would cheat on her like that? Even if it was a joke, she does it pretty often, like last week with Yunjin..."

Sakura nods, caressing your back.

"Have you... Thought of talking to her?"

"If I open the subject, she'll definitely think I am trying to manipulate her or gaslighting her, and she'll break up with me."

"But you can't keep everything to yourself, knowing that she's the one hurting you."

Ouch. Sakura was right though, Chaewon IS hurting you.

"...does she even act like a lover to you? I only see the regular bossy Chaewon, even around you."

"No... I don't think so... She doesn't hug me or hold me, never even says 'I love you' back... She doesn't even kiss me!"

"All that? But... How, I mean, do you feel the love or connection between you both? At least..."

"..."

You pause. You didn't feel a connection. Sakura was entirely right, you never did, you were just super obsessed with Chaewon and the fact that she kept being possessive made you think she cared, but she was just bossing you around like all the other members.

"I'm not special..."

"Hey, Y/N..."

You look at Sakura, caressing your lips before looking away.

"She never kissed me..."

"..."

"You... Really opened my eyes there."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, I should've known... I should've taken the hints and compared her actions with yours."

"Huh? Mine? Why me?"

"You treat me better than Chaewon... You... Simply care more."

"...mm."

"Hm, maybe you are a better girlfriend."

You both chuckle, the joke having perfect timing. But was it really a joke? Would Sakura actually be a better girlfriend? Would you feel loved thanks to her?

You weren't really sure what happened, both of you were so tired and caught up in the moment that it just happened: when you open your eyes, you see Sakura on top of you, both of your mouths locked together as you kiss.

You close your eyes again, your hands grabbing the back of Sakura's neck while hers were holding her up, trying not to put too much pressure on you. You literally wrapped yourself around her, both of you making out in the middle of the silent night.

"This is not right... We can't do this..."

"..."

"Damn it, why does it have to feel so right, though?"

You pull her back into another kiss and Sakura sighs into your mouth. Your lips move in perfect sync, as if they were always meant to be. It didn't matter in what position you were in, how you were dressed, or any of these unimportant details; it was Sakura. Sakura was the one who could make you feel loved, no matter what the conditions are. Chaewon was just a step, a trial, something to lead you to the eldest, the one for you.

It was literally all clear; the way she's holding you, the way she's kissing you, the way she touches you... She knows how to do things because she loves you, and she knows how to show it. Not even an 'I love you' from her was necessary.

You break apart, still holding each other.

"Sakura... What... What is this?"

"Y/N, I... Can't stop, you... You just taste too good."

"What are we? W-What are we now?"

Sakura pauses, panting heavily.

"I don't-"

"A cheater, that's what you are, Y/N."

Sakura rises up from the couch, and so do you, your eyes widening as you see Chaewon staring at both of you.

"Ch-Chae-"

"So? You really took what I said about Sakura seriously?"

"Chae, it happened too fast, I-"

"Just shut up!"

Sakura stands up and so do you, watching the angry female figure in front of you.

"Chaewon, it's my fault, I shouldn't have, but spare Y/N, it's not her fault."

"Don't talk, unnie. Don't take the blame for her."

She looks at you, her eyes fuming.

"We're over. Go sleep in Sakura's room instead, 'cause one of us is gonna pack our things and leave tomorrow."

And with that, she leaves. Sakura looks at you, concern visible on her face.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry..."

"...don't be, it's... Probably for the best."

"Are you going to leave?"

"Yeah... I don't think the others will want to see me after that..."

"Me neither, I might just leave as well..."

You look at her, feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"Don't be, I couldn't control my feelings either."

"I don't think you understand; I cheated on Chaewon, messed up the whole group, made you feel guilty and half-rejected your feelings. There is nothing positive about what we've done."

"...and the kiss?"

Your cheeks redden.

"Right."

"Sorry."

"No, no, it... Was a positive thing."

Sakura smiles softly.

"I can let you live with me for a while since you're getting kicked out of your 'multi-dorm', as you call it."

"Heh, yeah... I hope you don't hate me too much for it..."

"I'm not, I don't mind having you around, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable since you know that I like you now."

"To be fair, I think I might have feelings for you too, but I need time..."

Sakura caresses your back with a nod, and you smile back. It's true, the situation was a mess, but Sakura has your back, and you'll figure it out together.

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gyatt dayum this is crazy

[bluekidchaos]

🔹️bluekid's chaos corner🔹

my ao3 here :) 

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Christmas morning ♧

Self-indulgens at it’s finest ft. a dog.

stress relief ♡

You treat sev to a hand job.

Holding you again ♡ ❖

Severus Snape survives the war and when he finally gets to return home you have a little moment in the bath together.

Hey there, stranger ♡

Sev and his wife try something new for Valentine's Day.

Munch ♡

Severus eats you out after a stressful meeting.

Criminal Minds

Aaron Hotchner:

a distraction ♡ ♧

after a rough case, hotch finds himself needing a distraction, luckily he has his girl.

Saw

Mark Hoffman:

toxic!mark hoffman x reader ♡ ❖

mark manipulates you into being with him.

Hunger Games

Haymitch Abernathy:

I don't need to know where we begin and end (I'd still know you) ♡

After waking up from a nightmare Haymitch helps distract reader.

Arcane

Silco:

silco x reader ♡

sucking silco off while he smokes.

Twilight

Caius:

Sex while feeding ♡

You and Caius decide to mix pain and pleasure, feeding and sex!

My Hero Academia

Tomura Shigaraki:

All mine ❖ ♡

Imagine shigaraki deluding himself into thinking you two are in a relationship.

Marvel

Loki:

And palm to palm is holy palmer’s kiss ♧

Darling had a rough day, Loki reads her to sleep.

Peacemaker

Adrian Chase:

There's no wrong time to fuck ♡

Adrian gets horny after seeing you smash a guy into a wall

Maybe there *is* a wrong time to fuck ♡ (part 2 to ↑)

Vigilante 'saves' you on your way home from work, and now he expects some gratitude from you.

Bistro Huddy

Jamber:

Jamber headcanons ♧

Our Flag Means Death

Lucius, dear Lucius ♧

Black Pete does some reflecting.

Gotham

Jeremiah Valeska:

Sacrifice ❖

Reader finds Jeremiah after he gets sprayed by Jerome’s insanity gas.

Nygmobblepot:

Why did you do it? ❖

The two unknown villains Penguin and Riddler have been fighting each other for months, tearing the city apart in the process. Oswald and Ed have been dating for half of that time, what will happen when they realize who their loved one is.

Requested: Roy

Headcanons for being Harvey Dent’s daugther and dating Roy

[sammysmaddy]

Normal - FINALE (Winchesters x Reader)

Summary: Growing up as the baby of the Winchester family led you to be constantly guarded. Soon enough, you start to learn what's normal between families and what's not.

Pairing(s): mentions of Sam x Sister!Reader, mentions of Dean x Sister!Reader, mentions of John x Daughter!Reader

Warning(s): Talks of incest, manipulation, coercion, talks of loss of virginity/alluding to other sexual acts, lots of bad stuff, angst... let me know if I missed any.

W/C: 2.7k+

A/N: Owowowowowow. This, as usual, was not how I planned it. I hope you enjoyed reading Normal, it's been in the making for a very long time!

Normal Masterlist

Masterlist

Dean's POV

Dean was worried sick when he came home only to find Sam all by himself. He knew that wherever Y/N was, it wasn't good and he grew nauseous at the thought of anything happening to her.

Immediately, Dean began to blame himself. He was the one who pushed Y/N away, he the first to come on to her, and most importantly, he was the one who left her when she needed him most.

It didn't matter to Dean if Y/N ran away on her own accord or if John had manipulated her into going somewhere with him, he just knew that he needed her back as quickly as he could get her.

Dean spent hours calling Y/N's phone and texting John. Eventually, he chose to wake Sam who was just as scared for Y/N as Dean was.

When the clock struck three and John burst through the door, Sam and Dean immediately stood up uneasily from the breakfast table.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Dean raised his voice, unable to contain his anger.

Dean walked toward his father, Sam following suit, ready to nearly kill him.

"What have you done, Dean?" John asked in return, his voice low and guttural, smelling of straight whiskey.

"What have you done, Dad?!" Dean yelled in return, grabbing fistfuls of John's jacket.

Instantaneously, John pushed Dean back with incredible force, causing Dean to stumble into Sam.

"Where's Y/N?" Sam stepped in as he helped' Dean reorient himself.

"None of your fucking business, that's where!" John yelled, looking back and forth between either brother. "What the fuck did you tell her?!"

"Nothing she shouldn't know! How could you do that to your own daughter? Huh?" Dean began to walk up to John again.

"I'd watch your fucking step if I were you, son," John growled in a deep voice, pointing a shaking finger at Dean.

"Dean, don't," Sam warned, causing Dean to stop in his tracks and look back at his brother.

"And why shouldn't I?" Dean screamed at Sam. "After all he's done to her, how can you sit there like that?!"

"Hey, man, I don't like it either. But come on, be smart about it. He's the only one who knows where Y/N is." Sam reasoned.

"Where is she?" Dean turned back to his father, speaking through grit teeth.

"Wouldn't you like to fuckin' know," John let out a menacing chuckle, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

When Dean made an intimidating move toward John, John placed his hands out in front of him.

"Woah, woah, woah there," John continued to chuckle as if he were mocking Dean. "She's somewhere safe. Sure she needed rest after creaming on my cock so many times."

"What the fuck did you just say?" Dean grit through his teeth, his heart dropping into his stomach.

"Dean, he's clearly lying," Sam tried to calm Dean, but his methods barely had an effect on Dean's mood.

"Why would I lie?" John asked, clearly knowing how to upset his sons.

"I swear to fucking God if you put your hands on her-" Dean stomped toward John, only to be pulled back by Sam.

"Good boy, Sam," John threw a wink toward his youngest son.

"Shut up," Sam bit back as he struggled to keep Dean in place.

"Don't act like you boys are perfect either. Must be a family thing," John took a seat on the edge of the bed, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one. "You know, she told me all about you," John muttered through puffs.

Dean felt his face flush as he stopped fighting Sam from holding him in place.

"I don't look like such a bad guy, now do I?" John taunted his boys. "With Sam, I can understand. How could you resist that sexy little body of hers? But you, Dean? You're just like me."

"Don't you dare say that," Dean scolded under his breath, too angry to look his father in the eye.

"I mean, really? Using Y/N's body while she was unconscious is another kind of messed up. At least I didn't drug the poor girl." John smiled as he blew out cigarette smoke.

"Dean?" Sam took a step back, letting go of his hold on his big brother. "What is he talking about?"

"Don't listen to him, Sammy. He is the one who caused all of this to happen!" Dean felt as though the world were crumbling around him as he turned back to his younger brother.

Dean knew what he did was messed up. He knew that Sam would never approve. But, Dean also knew who the number one enemy was and he couldn't afford Sam taking John's side over his.

"You drugged and raped our sister?!" Sam was now the one raising his voice as his jaw clenched.

"Now, now, Sam. I didn't say all that," John held his hand out. "But your big brother did pleasure himself over your poor, sweet little sister months ago. Who knows what else he's done to her? Especially after that two-week trip you and I took."

"Dean?" Sam let out an exasperated sigh. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you didn't do that."

Dean remained silent, fighting internally whether or not he should tell Sam the truth.

"He did," A feminine voice rang through the air.

All three Winchester men snapped their heads to see Y/N in the doorway.

"How did you get here?" John growled, glaring at Y/N as he balled his fist.

"I walked. We were only across the street," Y/N stated simply, shrugging her shoulders. "And I told you about Dean, Sam, don't you remember?" Y/N helped Sam recall their time in the shower.

"I-I wasn't thinking. I would have never been okay with that!" Sam stuttered as he searched Y/N's eyes.

"You loved it, don't even lie to me," Y/N huffed out, leaving Sam on the brink of tears.

"Go to the truck," John demanded, standing up as he pointed toward the doorway. "This is between me and your brothers."

"No, Daddy. I'm done," Y/N put her foot down, surely shocking all three men.

Never in her life had Y/N ever defied John's words. Dean thought for sure John would have backhanded her immediately.

"Fuck all of you," Y/N muttered under her breath as she rubbed her temples. "Fuck all of you for using me the way you did and fuck me for actually enjoying it. Do you realize how sick you guys are?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Sam was the first to say. Y/N nodded at Sam with a flattened smile.

"Don't come near me!" Y/N tensed up, raising her voice when John took a few steps toward her. "Don't you dare take another step!"

Y/N began to cry, choking on sobs as she tried her best to wipe the tears away. Dean wanted nothing more than to hold her in that moment and help her forget everything.

"Nothing about this is normal! I can't believe you guys tricked me for so long!" Y/N sounded ashamed of herself as she practically screamed at her family. "I can't believe I fell for it. I thought you guys loved me."

"We do! I mean, I do!" Dean spoke up, reaching out to hold her hand.

"No, Dean!" Y/N slapped his hand away. "If you loved me, you would have never done what you did! You just wanted to use me!"

"Y/N, I-" Sam began to speak before being cut off.

"Shut up, Sam! I don't want to hear it!" Y/N continued to sob, seemingly more angry than sad.

The room went silent for a few moments as each of the Winchesters stood in shock.

"I'm leaving," Y/N announced, sniffling as she tried to hold her tears at bay.

"You can't be serious, baby," John chuckled in disbelief, watching for her reaction.

"I am," Y/N nodded her head with purpose as she stared at her father.

John turned to Dean, an even angrier expression on his face than the one before. 

"This! This is why I didn't tell her! Do you understand what you've done, Dean?" John yelled at his eldest, shaking his head. "You know damn well this would have never happened if you didn't say anything!"

"It never would have happened if you didn't manipulate me," Y/N spoke quietly with conviction, no longer sobbing like she was a few moments ago. 

"I didn't manipulate you, sweetheart. You wanted it. You asked me to show you the ropes, and how was I supposed to say no?" John attempted to pin it on Y/N, but she only shook her head in return. "I only did what you asked me to."

"You're lying!" Y/N was growing angrier by the second, the entire room could feel her rage. 

Dean wasn't sure what to do at that moment. Dean didn't want to push Y/N away or for her to leave, he knew that she wasn't ready for the real world. But what Dean didn't want even more was for her to fall for John's tricks again.

"Baby, do you really think I wanted to seduce my own daughter? Do you really think that I planned it out or that I didn't feel sick when I did it?" John baited her even more and Dean watched as her face contorted into a sad expression. 

"You used me," Y/N continued to stay quiet, this time with less conviction. 

"I didn't use you, sweetheart," John took a step forward, causing Y/N to take a step back. 

Dean turned to Sam, who seemed to be in as much shock as he was. Never in his life had Dean witnessed an argument between Y/N and John and as much as he felt like he needed to step in, he couldn't think of anything to say. He supposed that Sam was in the same boat. 

"You just don't know what it's like to be a man. You don't know how hard it is to stick to your morals when a pretty little thing, like you, wants to have sex with you. It's like my body was betraying my mind, Y/N! I didn't want to do anything with you! What kind of father would I be if I did?" John argued, causing Y/N to look even more disheartened. 

"You're lying," Y/N repeated, hot and silent tears streaming down her face. 

"No, babygirl, I love you. I would never do anything to hurt you and that's why I couldn't say no to you." John's expressions dimmed as he took another careful step toward his daughter. This time Y/N didn't take a step back. 

"Don't listen to him!" Sam shouted out, his jaw clenching as he also took a step toward the cowering girl. 

"Mind your business, Sam," John shot a quick glare toward his youngest son, teeth grinding as he spoke.

"Why didn't you tell me, then?" Y/N looked defeated as she questioned with glossy eyes.

"What was I supposed to say, Y/N?" John asked rhetorically. "That I wasn't thinking and that I regretted it? That it was wrong? We had already gone too far and I didn't want to break your heart."

"You regret it?" Y/N asked, her voice a slightly higher pitch than before. 

Dean could tell that Y/N's defenses were breaking and he wasn't sure if he wanted to rebuild them. He didn't want her to leave. But again, Dean knew that he couldn't watch her fall into the same old habits.

"Y/N," Dean warned softly as John sent him a death stare. "He's trying to make you feel bad so that you don't leave."

"You don't know what you're talking about, son," John muttered. "Let's not forget, you're the one who used her without consent."

"Y/N," Dean felt at a loss as he searched for Y/N's eyes. He wanted nothing more than to apologize to her. 

"Be quiet, Dean," Y/N didn't even look over as she demanded her older brother's silence. 

Y/N's gaze stayed on John and Dean could tell by his father's expression, that John believed he had convinced Y/N to stay. 

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Y/N asked in a low and guttural voice as she stared at her father.

"No, sweetheart, of course I don't," John said softly with a small but warm smile. "I was only trying to protect you."

"Sam," Y/N called out without breaking eye contact with her father. 

Y/N reached her hand out as Sam took a step forward, indicating that she wanted her twin by her side. Sam hesitantly walked toward his sister, grabbing ahold of her hand as he rested by her side. 

"Let's leave," Y/N squeezed Sam's hand, looking up at him. 

"Really?" Sam asked quietly and Y/N nodded her head in return. "Let me grab my stuff."

Sam left Y/N's side and headed for the opposite side of the room to grab his duffel bag. Dean's heart began to race as he felt like his heart was being broken. Y/N didn't want Dean to come with her. 

"Y/N," Dean called out, wanting nothing more than Y/N to invite him to go with her. 

"No, Dean," Y/N, again, didn't look over as Dean's eyes searched for hers. 

"Ain't that twisted, Dean," John chuckled in disbelief, and Dean glared in return with teary eyes. "All that work to convince her I was the bad guy and she still doesn't want you."

"Shut up," Dean muttered under his breath, looking down to the floor. 

"Stop it," Y/N warned in a demanding tone. Sam reached her side with his bag, continuing to remain silent. "Dean?"

"Yes?" Dean instantly looked up to see a soft expression on Y/N's face.

"Thank you for telling me. I just need time to forgive you." Y/N offered her gratitude with the utmost sincerity.

"So, I guess Sam's all in the clear, huh?" John nodded his head, skepticism lacing his tone. "I mean, he's the one who knew the entire time about you and me, and he didn't mention a word to you about how sick it was!"

"He didn't know. Let's not forget this is all your fault." Y/N replied bitterly. "And as much as I'd rather go alone, I don't trust myself enough to go without someone. Sam's the only one I can count on not to take advantage of me."

"You'll never survive on the outside. You need us!" John tried to reason with her as he walked toward his daughter, pointing in between himself and Dean. 

"Stop!" Y/N's voice boomed throughout the motel room as she clung to Sam's arm. "If you touch me, I'll scream!"

"Sweetheart-" John began.

"Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!" Y/N continued until her voice was nearly hoarse.

Dean sat there defeated, not saying a word as he came to grips with reality. He understood where Y/N was coming from, but it still hurt that he had to pay the price of his own actions. Dean knew he was the only one to blame for what he did to her, and the best thing he could do was watch her walk away.

"Where are you gonna go, little girl? You think you can make it all on your own?" John raised his pitch, mocking Y/N as he took small strides toward her.

"Leave her alone," Dean growled.

"Don't think we won't track you down. You'll be right back here in no time." John threatened and Y/N shook her head in return.

"No, I won't," Y/N gripped tighter onto Sam. Sam held her close in return. "If you try to find me, I'll call the police and you'll never see daylight again."

"You can't be serious," John scoffed, his hand resting just above his heart. 

"Goodbye, Dad," Y/N announced, yanking Sam's arm as she started walking toward the door. 

Dean's face was flushed and soaked with tears as he watched his younger siblings walk away. It only hurt more to realize that after they left, Dean would be all alone with John. Dean wished he could go back into the past and undo his mistakes. 

"Goodbye, Dean," Y/N turned back before exiting the motel room, giving her oldest brother a small, sad smile. 

•••

Tag List ❤️

@hobby277 @writethelifeyouwant @deeranger @deans-baby-momma @deans-number-one-fan

[pleucas]

i'm still half asleep as i write this. sorry if unorganized. i wake this morning but a wee little soul accused of not dismantling the facade of the character, of demonizing mental illness and most horrendously, watching the anime first. oh Cheese is also here sitting in the corner. real ominously, kinda scaring me.

so, firstly, i actually hate watching anime and like all animated media where there's a book. they speak too slow and less information is conveyed. if i can read something faster than i can watch the show, im going to read it. ive actually only watched the first couple episodes of BSD and the Dark Era ones. ive read the manga like 3 times and most of the light novels relating to chuuya and dazai. now that that the clear most important point is out of the way, which is that my media illiteracy is through MY OWN CHOICE !! onto the others. dazai is a well written character. he's entertaining to think about. a character being well written doesn't make them likeable though? he was written to be annoying, he gets on near everyone's nerves in the show. i can be annoyed with him AND ALSO understand that despite that he is a multi layered character who isn't necessarily all good or bad. sorry if i came off like that wasn't the case in my other asks. i get his facade, i understand why he does it, ive been there to when i was reallllly deep in depression. and with that said, it still frustrates me. this is gonna be a shocker, a real hard pill to swallow, some other expression of surprise, living life in a state where you're always passively lying to people is bad for you relationships!! i feel the burden to see through the facade is often placed on the people around him, but i think setting the standard that people should just know without you telling them can be pretty unhealthy.

i think in these kinda ships where one of the character's has basically erected a wall between themselves in the war, the compelling part is seeing the bricks, day by day, be taken apart. and, ultimately, it is on the person who put up the wall to do that in the end. they can have help, of course. most need a remarkable amount of assurance for it, but still it falls on the shoulders of the person who put it up.

im not going to compare mental illness or toxicity, but i don't think Chuuya even wants to assure him. furthermore, given their relationship, i think that's a respectable decision. im not going to bash him for disliking someone who admits to doing everything in his power to annoy him even at his lowest moments (STORMBRINGER DAZZAI OH HOW I HATE YOU. TANGENT TIME: there's a difference between manipulating a situation to be advantageous and it happening to turn out good for the people involved and helping. intentions matter!! dazai wanted the outcome best for HIMSELF. he does this a lot, drags other people into it. all the time. beast dazai? even worse. hate that guy. people read beast as a dazai angst book?? what??? clearly it was sskk fodder.) Chuuya is far less intelligent than dazai, alright. not a negative, but when it comes to holding him accountable my standard isn't as high. he clearly cares for others and has a strong moral backbone, even if id disagree with him on it, unlike SOMEONE i know. he values personhood generally. mentally ill people still have free will. i don't hate dazai for being mentally ill, i hate him for the choices he makes. i understand they stem from the illness, everything exists in context or whatnot, but that doesn't excuse it. on the point about him changing for the better, i don't actually think he has. not in a significant way. once more, intentions matter. he's 'being good' because Oda told him to be, but to this day, he still manipulates the people around him - and this is an active choice. one example: everything he makes Akutagawa do. in the relationship, he's very clearly still taking advantage of the emotional abuse he put him through. it helps the ADA, but it also shows he falls into the same patterns he always has. he can change, of course, and id like to see him change, but in my eyes it hasn't really happened yet. when it does? maybe ill like skk!! ive got hope for this arc.

on a much lighter note, im pretty sure i know who Cheese is. i showed this page to a friend a couple days ago and they said something about sending an ask in. sorry about them, they talk too much. me? im very concise. This has obviously been Rimu

RIMU OMG WELCOME BACK I'VE MISSED YOUUUUU

to preface: yeah totally fine to hate a character and acknowledge their complexity. very valid perspective, don't let anyone tell you otherwise

this is getting intense (& interesting!) and i've received a few more additions to this Saga in my inbox so i supposed i'd get a little into it as well. dz's character and skk has always been interesting to me so m gonna start procuring theses... sorry

firstly, i apologize for disregarding your agency in your own media illiteracy. please understand that there was little ill intent and i was actually trying to protect you from the dazai glazers, tho idk if you rlly want my protection there. they do get kinda feisty tho so you are one brave soldier

abt the dazai brick-wall-facade thing: super interesting and yeah i generally agree with you. his inability to communicate has been emphasized and i think it's something that, if he were a real person, he'd probably have to work on LOL. idk if bsd necessarily treats it as a bad/good thing — just a Thing. but then applied to skk, i actually believe asgr puts a lot of time into showing (not telling) that dazai does Not do this with chuuya, especially when they're 22, arguably even in stormbringer (tangent for later).

it's all very subtle — laughing at the rich girl act, smiling at him during lovecraft, legitimately giving him a choice about corruption, even calling him a diff "partner" title in jp. very, very subtle shit. notice that bones kills most of this. the thing is, i think it's also made clear that chuuya easily reads through the remainder of dz's bullshit, mostly when they're 22 (but therefore suggestively 17 and on, since they haven't been in contact since dz left the pm) — playing into the rich girl joke, suggesting code-worded formations during lovecraft, reading through dazai's stupid rolling-on-floor shtick in meursault. none of this has to be explicitly romantic either, asgr employs this stuff to demonstrate that they have a close, long-term bond. again, subtle shit, probably only readable if you have the context of stormbringer, which leads into the tangent.

stormbringer dazai, or mafia dazai, is dazai at his worst. every character in bsd has a time when they are at their worst, and they are all working to redeem themselves, for themselves. that's kinda the point of the whole series: find a reason to live, for others but primarily for yourself, no matter what you've done or will do or didn't do. at the point of sb, dazai does not understand human connection as a part of the self, since he's an isolationist little imp and also a traumatized "i know too much" child. pretty sure the whole shipping container scene was meant to demonstrate this. so yeah, dazai put chuuya through physical and emotional hell because he didn't understand the weight of either of these torments. when he finally does in dark era, he gets outta his "worst."

but you'll notice that when it comes to chuuya's humanity, he gives chuuya as much time as possible and hesitates to speak. again, subtle shit. i really think it does sb a disservice to say that dazai was trying to have the best outcome for himself — his goal was to protect mori and the freshly righted PM from collapse (aka protect yokohama from collapse), and along the way chuuya gets a power-up after losing some friends and going through some pain (which isn't that deep to dz) while also hurdling the question of his humanity by finding out a bit of his past. it's a very "i'm above it" analysis of reality, which i think sets up dazai's character arc + og mindset pretty well — through dark era and fyodor, dazai faces that he cannot be "above it" if he wants to really live. and so, here we are, witnessing him come down here to eat, breathe, fall in love, and die.

abt BEAST — i agree with you lol. i think BEAST is the epitome of a dazai who is forever "above it." his only option is suffering, lackluster returns & the achievement of a singular goal, and suicide. it's a subplot and subtlety to read into. otherwise, BEAST is utterly and wholly sskk/aku/atsushi gourmet dinner.

& on the topic of dazai's death that you mentioned way back, i agree with you. dazai needs to get nerfed somehow to confront the struggles of living. i think meursault has been pretty good for that, now that fyodor's up and kicking again — dazai's been intellectually and physically bested, and now he's facing everything he thought was inconsequential. the loss of friends, of agency (lol of The Agency also), of purpose, of physical ability. his suicide stuff is quite possibly chekov's bazooka missile and he'll probably end up dying (maybe through self-sacrifice), although in a completely different tone than in BEAST. im going to tentatively trust asgr with that... it would possibly make or break dazai's character LMFAO

ugh this is so long. i have/had Thoughts and you've dragged them out. but abt dazai being good/bad (as dz glazer identifies it) or better (as you id it), i'm pretty certain the whole point of dazai is to demonstrate that there is no good or bad in the world. like. Yeah. i somewhat agree that he isn't "changing for the better" in any significant way, precisely for the reasons you pointed out. him relying on others directly is a good sign tho (trusting atsushi to handle things in dead apple, sending akutagawa as the eyes/flare, etc). i'm rather certain we're seeing, rn in meursault/airport arc, dazai's capacity to truly change being challenged. so yes!!! i too have hope for this arc :0

this ended up being pretty dz centric which is sad because skk are two components after all... but this is way too long now. as always, pleasure to read ur writing, and keep it going!!! and please say hi to your discursive cheese friend for me <3

what have you done to me, cas

[aylacavebear]

The Traveler - Chapter 11 - Earth, 1999 Pt. 1

You're from a specific dimension, Solaris Eclipse. It was a dimension of magic. When your kind, the Eldrathiren, turned fifteen, your unique power would awaken within you. Most times, it was something small, levitation, teleportation, creation, elemental manipulation, and things like that. Once in a while, a fifteen-year-old would just disappear, and those were called Travelers. None of them had ever returned. Your parents had told you stories about them, and you hoped that wouldn't happen to you.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will probably be 18+ I haven't decided yet!

Word Count: 6104

Pairing Eventually Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You & Sam Winchester x OC Reader/You

Warnings: Angst, fluff. A/N: Don't think there's anything else in this one. It's fairly relaxed.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 11 - Earth, 1999 pt. 1

The sun had barely begun lighting the sky, and there was a chill in the air that made you shiver for a moment. There wasn’t a single light on in the two-story house, not yet anyway. The scent was still in the air around you, playing with your senses.

With an overjoyed smile plastered on your face, you raced toward the house. You knew they’d all be sleeping with as early as it was, but you didn’t care at the moment. You’d missed them so much. The Impala was parked in the driveway as you made your way onto the porch, quietly testing the doorknob, realizing it was locked.

The window that was in the living room had the curtains drawn, so you couldn’t tell who was sleeping on the couch when you peeked in. Mildly frustrated, you went back over to the door and knocked on it, biting your bottom lip in anticipation.

You attempted to wait patiently, but when no one came to the door, you knocked again, this time a little louder. Your ears twitched, hearing movement inside, and you smiled again when you heard footsteps coming toward the door.

“Somebody better be di-,” Dean grumbled, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw you standing there.

Your spear fell onto the porch as you wrapped your arms around him, inhaling deeply, “I missed you.”

He held you close for a moment before he pulled back to look at you as you tilted your head a bit, still smiling up at him. “Come inside. Let’s get you warmed up.”

Dean grabbed your spear before closing the door behind you, then leaned it on the wall as John walked into the kitchen, “What’s all th-,” he began, but was silent the moment he saw you.

“Hi,” you said, waving at him.

John didn’t look happy to see you, but you weren’t entirely sure why. Dean, on the other hand, had seemed really happy to see you, although now, you weren’t so sure.

John inhaled through his nose as he looked you over, “Didn’t think we’d see you again.”

It was hard to tell what was going through his head, so you figured you’d just be friendly, “I like being in this world. I just don’t get to pick where I end up or how long I get to stay.”

“I remember,” he replied, getting some coffee before sitting at the table.

Dean had left the kitchen, and you assumed it was to wake up Sammy but didn’t say anything about it. “I hope it’s okay that I’m here.” You set your bag on the floor near your spear before sitting adjacent to him.

“I just don’t need you distracting my boys like last time,” he told you rather bluntly.

You tilted your head slightly as your ears twitched, hearing both brothers now, “I don’t mean to distract them. I could always help them focus on what they need to, if you’ll let me.” You were hoping he could at least be reasoned with.

“Hmm. Do you know how to shoot a gun?” John asked you as both brothers made their way into the kitchen.

“Yes,” you answered, glancing briefly at the brothers before giving John your full attention again.

John raised an eyebrow, “I know you didn’t learn the last time you were here. When did you learn, and who taught you?”

“Not sure you’d believe me if I told you,” you chuckled.

“Try me,” he smirked, and you could instantly see where Dean got his charm from.

“Okay. Dean and Sam taught me almost a year ago,” you answered, wondering what he’d ask next.

“Interesting. You weren’t here during that time. So, how’d that happen?” John was curious now.

“I ended up in the future. I’m still not sure why or how it happened, though,” you sighed.

You watched John, still attempting to figure out what he was thinking, but the man was good at keeping his thoughts and most of his emotions out of his expression. “Tell you what, you show me you can shoot accurately, and I’ll believe you. Dean, go wake up Bobby. Don’t need him waking up to gunshots.”

“Yes, Sir,” Dean replied quickly, then disappeared through the kitchen doorway.

John had you follow him outside and into the scrapyard before he handed you a gun. It was similar to the one you really liked that Dean had in the future. You checked the gun and clip, just like Dean had shown you before you aimed, unclicked the safety, and then fired it three times, hitting the target dead on. You put the safety back on and handed him the gun as Dean had shown you.

“Alright, kid, I’m impressed,” John chuckled before having you follow him back inside. “She’s alright in my book.” He told his boys before sitting in the living room with Bobby.

Both brothers wrapped you up in a hug sandwich between them, making you laugh. However, you closed your eyes and purred happily, inhaling their scent. 

“We missed you,” Sammy told you.

“I missed you guys too,” you sighed happily, finally feeling content.

The three of you sat around the kitchen table as you shared the last year and a half with them. You could hear some of what was going on in the living room between the adults but didn’t respond to anything you overheard. The brothers laughed at some of the things you told them about, and Sammy was utterly intrigued by what you told him about the underwater world.

Dean was trying to picture you with the wings you’d described having in the last world, and you caught a dreamy, far-off look in his eyes when he looked at you. You kept anything related to soulmates out of the conversation. It was a topic you weren’t ready to broach with either brother yet.

“So, you three want some lunch,” Bobby asked as he entered the kitchen.

“Is it that time already?” Sammy asked as all three of you looked over at Bobby.

“Yup. Your dad and I are gonna look through some more books after I make sure you eat,” Bobby replied. He really did love having the boys there, and he found you rather interesting, given your feline features.

“I got it, Bobby,” Dean said quickly, getting up just as fast.

You tilted your head and watched him, wondering why he seemed a little different around you this time, but you didn’t want to ask. His scent was a little different than when you’d met him the first time. That made you wonder how old he was.

“Okay, kid. Kitchens all yours,” Bobby chuckled before he joined John in the living room again.

“So, Y/N, you’ve been gone for two years. You’re what, seventeen now?” Dean asked as he pulled out what he needed for lunch.

“I guess so. It’s hard to track time like that,” you sighed.

“We should celebrate your birthday. On your home world, when was it?” Sammy asked you.

“Oh, umm…” you trailed off, trying to figure out how to equate it to their calendar system. “Well, in my home world, I was born between the solstices on the spring equinox. I’m not sure if you have those here, so it’s hard to say.”

“Yeah, we have those here,” Sammy told you happily, “The one this year already passed, but we can still celebrate your birthday.”

You gave Sammy a soft smile while calculating the numbers in your mind. If you were seventeen, that made Sammy sixteen and Dean nineteen, since it was near the end of the year for them.

Did he feel it? Is that why he’s acting differently? If he did or does, when did it happen?

You wanted to ask him but knew now was not the time, nor did you have any clue on how to bring it up. 

“You okay, Sweetheart?” Dean asked, giving you a slight smirk as he set down a sandwich in front of you.

“Yeah, sorry. I got lost in my thoughts,” you replied, smiling a little, “Thank you.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Sammy asked as Dean joined the two of you with two more sandwiches, one for each of them.

You felt a light blush creep into your cheeks and couldn’t help the slight smile of embarrassment on your lips. “Maybe later.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, noticing your blush, but didn’t remark on it, “Looks like we’re planning a birthday party today.”

“You think Dad and Bobby will be okay with it?” Sammy asked as he looked at Dean.

“I don’t see why not. It's not like he’s got a case to go on or anything. They’re doing research,” Dean replied, a mouthful of food that made you giggle. After he swallowed, “I’ll ask him about it after lunch.”

You partially listened to their conversation while thinking about the amount of time that had passed and the places you’d been. 

Two years, almost three…

“So, did you find any cool stuff in those other worlds?” Sammy asked you curiously.

Your ears perked up as you looked over at him, “Yeah, lots of stuff. I’ll show you later.” That was when you noticed Dean staring at you, again. “What?” 

“Sorry,” he quickly replied, looking down at the sandwich in his hands. It was clear he was thinking about something.

“Wanna talk about it?” you asked, tilting your head slightly.

“Nah. I’m good,” he chuckled.

After lunch, Dean went and talked to Bobby and John, who agreed to the birthday party. Bobby showed you where the washer and dryer was so you could take care of your clothes and kindly suggested you shower. Sammy offered to help you with your clothes while John and Dean went to the store.

The shower felt amazing, and Dean had given you some of his clothes to wear afterward since all of yours needed to be washed. Sammy had tossed your clothes in the dryer while you were finishing up in the bathroom. You let out a contented sigh, feeling clean again. You also used the knife from the water world to trim your nails back so you didn’t accidentally hurt anyone, making them really short, like a humans.

“Feel better, kid?” Bobby asked when you made your way back into the living room.

“Much. Thank you,” you replied happily.

“So, can I see the cool stuff you got?” Sammy asked, now utterly curious.

You chuckled as you sat down on the couch, your pouch in your hands, “You don’t want to wait for Dean to get back so he can see, too?”

“Nope,” he said quickly, which made you laugh a little.

Shaking your head in amusement, you opened your pouch, carefully taking out the items inside. 

Levithar Labyrinth - Meat, a couple of kitten teeth the kittens had lost as new ones grew in, and the glowing pebble thing that had fallen from the sky.

Aqualumina - Some shells in various shapes and colors. You also set the knife on the table with those and a tooth from one of the predatory fish you’d found in the seabed.

The Shadowed Abyss - A vile of the golden liquid from the flowers that the spiders had cultivated, teeth from not only the cat-like creatures but also the wolf-like creatures, and a couple of crystals you’d found in the cavern where you’d stayed.

Crystalis Canopy - The small handful of crystal pebbles.

Twilight Veil - A few of Lysara’s scales, one of her teeth that had come out as they did, similar to sharks, more small crystal pebbles, and some canine teeth from a few of the creatures you’d hunted while learning the skills Lysara had been teaching you.

“Apparently, I like rocks,” you chuckled as Dean and John came in through the kitchen.

“Can I touch anything?” Sammy asked you curiously.

“Go for it. I don’t mind,” you replied, looking up as Dean entered the living room.

“What’s all that?” he asked you.

“Just the stuff I gathered in the other worlds. Sammy wanted to see,” you answered.

“Dean, get in here and help with this stuff,” John told him from the kitchen.

“Sorry, Sir,” Dean quickly apologized before going to help his dad.

Dean did rejoin the three of you in the living room, along with John. Bobby had even gotten closer so he could look at the objects you’d set out on the coffee table. Dean went for the knife while Bobby and John were looking at the glowing orb from the last world. It was moments like this that you wished you could read minds, especially with all of them being silent.

“You got all this stuff from the worlds you’ve been to?” John asked you, glancing at Bobby before looking directly at you.

“Yeah. I wanted to remember where I’ve been and what I’ve been through. The knife was a gift, though,” you answered.

“It’s beautiful,” Dean said, his voice quiet as he admired it.

“What about that?” Bobby asked, pointing to the glowing orb. None of them had touched it.

“That’s from the last world I was in. It fell from the sky and was in one of the mountains. The Ket asked me to get it and then take it out of their world. They said it made them feel weird,” you explained.

“Not sure I’ve got a book that covers that, but I’m gonna see what I can find,” he stated, seeming to be lost in thought about something more profound.

Sammy was moving one of the crystal stones between his finger and thumb, looking at it closely while John picked up one of Lysara’s scales. That was when you explained what each set of things was and where they’d come from. Bobby had only been half listening as he was also looking over book titles for something specific.

“Dad, any idea what these runes might mean? They look familiar,” Dean asked, concentrating on the knife momentarily before he held it out towards John.

John took the knife and set down the scale, inspecting the blade and handle intently. “I’ve never seen ‘em before. Bobby might have a book with that writing in it, though.”

Once they were done looking at everything, you cleaned it back up, carefully placing the items back into the pouch. Dean had gone into the kitchen, so you followed him, curious about what he was up to, Sammy behind you. 

“Whatcha doing?” you asked, peeking around his side at what he was fiddling with on the counter.

“Making you a cake,” he chuckled.

“What’s cake? Is it like pie?” you asked, moving to the side of him as you looked into his eyes, tilting your head a bit.

He laughed, “No, cake is not like pie, but it’s not bad.”

“Can I watch?” you asked, still just as curious.

“Sure. There’s not much to see, though,” he chuckled.

The way food worked on Earth was utterly fascinating to you. So, you weren’t entirely sure what he meant by there wasn’t much to see. Cake, though, was utterly fascinating. It went from a powder to more of a thick liquid with the things he added, and then, after it came out of the oven, it was fluffy and solid. He grabbed your wrist when you went to touch it, though, explaining that it was hot and had to cool. 

You pouted a bit but didn’t touch it. He plopped it out onto a plate a half-hour later, then used another one to flip it over, letting it cool for another half-hour. The waiting thing was hard to do. He put what he called frosting on the top and sides of it, and then he let you taste a little out of the container. Your eyes widened, your ears perked up, and your tail swayed happily at the sweet flavor of the chocolate.

Both brothers found your curiosity over something they found simple and ordinary, quite adorable. Bobby and John joined the three of you in the kitchen as Dean put a candle in the center of the cake and lit it. The four of them sang you Happy Birthday before Dean told you to make a wish and blow out the candle. You didn’t catch the way he looked at you with the candlelight shining in your eyes or the soft smile that formed on his lips when you blew it out. Dean cut the cake and plated some up for everyone, all of you sitting around the table. The moment you took a bite, your ears and tail showed just how happy you were, and you purred.

“Oh my god, this is so yummy,” you exclaimed through a mouthful of cake, making Sammy chuckle.

“Glad you like it, Sweetheart. Happy Birthday,” Dean told you, smirking happily.

“Tomorrow, you two can help with research,” John told the brothers, causing you to look up at him.

“What are you researching?” you asked after swallowing the bite you’d taken.

“We’re trying to find a yellow-eyed demon,” John explained, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh. If I remember right, that’s a Prince of Hell,” you replied casually.

“And how do you know that?” John asked, narrowing his eyes at you.

“I read about them. They’re stronger than regular demons,” you began, then took a bite of your cake.

“Care to share?” Bobby asked.

Between bites of your cake, you explained to them that you’d read about them when you visited the future. You told them how the Princes of Hell were the first generation of demons created by Lucifer himself after the creation of Lilith. The Princes were originally the generals of Lucifer’s demonic armies. Also, once they had been separated from Hell, they opted to hide on Earth, except for Azazel. He had remained loyal to Lucifer and was the most dangerous.

You also explained that the Princes of Hell couldn’t just be killed and that you needed a special weapon to do so, like the Lance of Michael or a special gun with special bullets. There were also Archangels who could kill them. 

The four of them looked at you, blinking with a fairly blank expression before John spoke up again, “Got names of them?”

“Yeah. I remember the names I read. Azazel, Ramiel, Dagon, and Asmodeus. Why?” you asked curiously. Then you looked over at the brothers, “Do you two already have your tattoos?”

“Huh?” Sammy asked, confused at your question.

“You each had a tattoo when I saw you in the future. It was an upside-down star inside a circle that almost looked like fire. It was on your chest, near your shoulder,” you answered.

Bobby and John shared a look, “That’s an anti-possession symbol,” Bobby mumbled.

“Your trip to the future might be more helpful than I thought,” John remarked, now seeming to be lost in thought.

“We don’t have tattoos,” Dean told you, slightly puzzled but also curious.

“Oh, there was something else about the Princes of Hell. Only one of them stayed loyal to Lucifer, wanting to prepare for his rising. That was Azazel. It has something to do with Lucifer's vessel and releasing his armies,” you told them, looking back at the adults.

“Looks like we’ve got research to do,” John stated, and you still couldn’t read his expression. All Bobby did was nod.

“Well, happy birthday, kid. And, thanks for that information. It’s more help than you realize,” Bobby told you with a small, soft smile.

“You’re welcome. And thank you, too, for everything,” you replied happily.

“You can use the same room you did last time you were here,” he chuckled.

The night was mostly relaxed, at least among the three of you. The adults had their noses stuck in books while they drank. Dean and Sammy found a game that the three of you played for an hour before you remembered your clean clothes. When you went to take care of them, Sammy helped you take them to your room, then sat on the bed as you folded them, repacking your bag neatly. 

“How long you think you’ll be here this time?” he asked you curiously.

“I don’t know. I hope that it will be longer, though. I like it here, and I like spending time with you and Dean,” you replied, zipping up your bag and setting it on the floor. “You think the adults would let us watch a movie?”

“Maybe. They could always read in the kitchen,” Sammy chuckled.

To your surprise, the adults were okay with the idea, leaving the three of you to enjoy a movie with dinner that night. You had sat in the middle, between the brothers, who were on either side of the couch. Dean was still acting a little weird to you, but you weren’t ready to ask him about anything personal that night.

You didn’t feel different around them, although you weren’t eighteen yet, either. After the movie, the three of you played a board game before you hugged them both and said goodnight to all four of them. As you crawled into bed, you felt content and relaxed, as if you could finally get to know the brothers better. You didn’t even dream that night but slept peacefully.

The following morning, you woke to the aroma of bacon and eggs as the early morning light flitted through the thin curtains. You smiled as you climbed out of bed, seeing everyone awake, and followed the aroma into the kitchen, where Dean was cooking.

“Smells amazing,” you purred, moving to stand next to him.

“Mornin’ Sweetheart. Hungry?” he chuckled, glancing over at you.

“I am now,” you giggled, putting your arms around his waist from the side and hugging him.

He put his arm over your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze, “I’m making plenty for everyone. Go hang out in the living room, and I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

You giggled again before joining the others in the living room. They all had their noses in a book, several stacks on the coffee table and Bobby’s desk. You reached out and picked up one of the books off the closest stack and began thumbing through the pages, only partially reading some of the words on the pages.

Breakfast was amazing, and you grabbed a piece of your cake afterward, enjoying its sweetness. After a couple of hours of thumbing through books, you went outside for some fresh air, needing to give your eyes a rest. You inhaled deeply, the light chill of the air rather refreshing as you leaned against the side of the Impala, hands in your pockets.

“You okay, Sweetheart?” Dean asked, pulling you from your thoughts sometime later.

“Yeah. Just enjoying being here. It’s quiet, compared to the other places I’ve been,” you replied, looking over at him.

You noticed Sammy step outside as Dean walked a little closer to you. “Cities are really loud,” he chuckled.

“So I won’t go to a city,” you chuckled in return.

“Well, at least in a city, you could get away with not hiding your ears and tail. We could just tell everyone you like to dress up like a cat,” he teased you playfully.

At first, you weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh at what he’d said or glare at him. Your glare ended up coming off as playful, with a smile you couldn’t stop, which only made him laugh. That was when he got a cocky smirk.

“I wonder…” he mused before reaching over and tickling your ribs, to which you burst out laughing, trying to push him away.

“Dean, that’s not fair,” you barely got out between fits of laughter before finally managing to get away from him. “You do realize, turn about is fair play,” you smirked.

Before Dean could even react, you began tickling his ribs. Yeah, he was stronger than you, but with your reflexes, you mostly stayed out of his grasp for a little while before he got a hold of your wrists. He had been laughing so hard that you’d ended up laughing with, as infectious his was.

“So… not... Fair…” he said, completely out of breath, finally letting go of your wrists. “I’ll get you back for that,” he told you with that same mischievous smirk.

“You’ll have to catch me first,” you teased back, still laughing a little.

“I’ll make sure you aren’t expecting it, kitten,” he bantered back.

Your tail flicked behind you and you weren’t quite sure how to feel about being called that. Dean instantly realized his misstep, “I was only being playful. I’m sorry.”

“I just uh… I don’t really know how I feel… being called a kitten,” you replied, looking away from him and leaning against the Impala again.

“I meant it in an endearing way, if that helps. I mean, you’re kinda cute, like a kitten is,” he told you, sounding fairly nervous.

A blush crept into your cheeks, and you could only glance at him briefly before gazing back at the ground. “I guess it’s okay then,” you mumbled. 

Dean got an idea at that point, “Hey, Y/N. What has more lives than a cat?”

You furrowed your brow and looked over at him, completely confused and puzzled, “I don’t know. What?” You’d learned a lot about things on your first visit by watching the TV in the motel room.

“A frog, because it croaks every day,” he told you, doing his best not to chuckle at his own joke.

That one made you think for a moment before you lost it laughing, and you missed Sammy taking another picture of you. This picture would end up in Dean’s wallet, and in that moment, he realized that he loved you, but he wasn’t quite sure how it had happened. He knew he barely knew you, but somehow felt like he’d known you for so much longer.

“Sweetheart, I need to ask you something,” he began, somewhat quietly when you stopped laughing due to his joke. “Sammy, go inside for a bit.”

“Sure, Dean. What’s up?” you asked, now curious to know what was going through his head.

“Last time you were here, you said you were following a scent and trying to get home. If that’s the case, why are you back here?” he asked now that it was just the two of you outside.

You opened your mouth to answer him, then closed it and looked down at the ground again, having no clue how to explain it. “Well… uh…” having no clue how to even begin.

Dean moved so that he was standing in front of you, then gently lifted your chin so you were looking up at him, “I know it has something to do with me and Sammy. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. Just tell me, please.”

“The scent I’m following is what my soul desires most,” you somewhat shyly replied. “I just… I won’t fully feel it until I turn eighteen.”

Dean took a step back, attempting to put the vague details together with what he was feeling, which included the emotions he knew were not his. “Why am I feeling your emotions?” he asked, more curious than anything.

You again looked down at the ground, fidgeting with your fingers, “You’re my uh… soulmate…” you answered quietly. He was quiet, just staring at you, speechless. “I’m sorry. There wasn’t a different way to say it.”

“I- I need to think about this,” he said plainly before he walked back into the house, leaving you outside alone.

This was not how you’d wanted it to go, him finding out like this. Although, there wasn’t really a way other than saying it bluntly. You felt a tear slide down your cheek, which you quickly wiped away as you looked up at the house. Part of you was thankful you weren’t eighteen yet, as that moment would have hurt far more than it did. You could tell he was having an issue with basically being told that the two of you were destined to end up together.

I took away his freedom…

Given his reaction, it was all you could think about at the moment, but you couldn’t blame him either. You sighed, not wanting to go back inside. In a way, you almost felt like this visit wasn’t going to be as happy as you’d hoped. You hadn’t even had the chance to tell him that Sammy was also your soulmate, and now, you had no plans of telling him.

A half hour or so later, Sammy came outside, finding you still leaning against the Impala, staring at the ground. “You okay?” he asked as he approached you.

“I will be. I think I made Dean mad by accident,” you replied quietly.

“I think everything makes him mad most times,” he replied, looking over at the house as he leaned on the car next to you. “He won’t stay mad long. He never does. Besides, he hasn’t stopped talking about you since you left last time.”

You glanced over at Sammy, raising an eyebrow, “Really? He’s been talking about me?”

“Yeah. Me too. I missed you too, but I honestly think he has a crush on you with how he talks about you,” Sammy chuckled.

Your cheeks flushed slightly when he said that, and you looked back at the house, now also confused about how he’d reacted earlier. “Boys are confusing,” you grumbled.

Sammy chuckled, “So are girls.”

“I am not,” you protested playfully, making you both laugh.

He helped brighten your mood before the two of you headed back inside to the living room. They all still had their noses stuck in a book, still researching. You sat down on the far side of the couch and grabbed a book, thumbing through it, only partially reading it again as your mind wandered.

All their scents were mixed in the room, which also mixed with the scents of Bobby’s home. You felt like you were home and inhaled deeply, never wanting to leave.

After another hour, you finally looked over at Bobby, “So, what are you guys looking for?”

“I was trying to see if there was anything about your people in any of these books. If anything, I was hoping there’d be something about a Traveler,” he sighed, closing the book he had been reading.

“Oh…” you trailed off, debating how much to say with all of them there.

You’d dreamt about wanting to tell them the things you had learned during your travels, but now that there was a moment where you could, you were scared.

“Something you’d like to share, Sweetheart?” Dean asked, glancing up at you briefly.

You looked down at the book in your lap, probably looking as guilty as you felt, “Well, I uh… some of the creatures taught me about what they knew about Travelers,” you mumbled in response.

“So then, how come you look so guilty?” John asked, raising an eyebrow.

You swallowed, hard, “Umm…” You didn’t know what to say. John was their father, and Bobby was basically their adopted father. Revealing that Dean and Sam were your soulmates felt very nerve-wracking.

“Come on, kid. We’re not gonna be mad at you,” Bobby tried to reassure you.

All their eyes were on you at this point, but yours were still on the book in your lap, even if you weren’t actually reading it. “You might change your mind after I tell you,” you told them quietly.

You then proceeded to tell them about the scent you’d been following, only this time, in more detail. Due to your trip to the future, you’d put the pieces together as to what the scents were that had mingled together. Explaining that the scent was what your soul desired most was difficult. It was worse when you told them that, in your case, the scent was of your soulmates, making sure to enunciate that it was plural.

“Do you know who they are, your soulmates?” Bobby asked, just as curious as John looked.

All you could do was nod slowly, still looking down at the book. This was not how you had pictured this particular visit to go.

“Care to share?” John asked.

“I really don’t want to,” you mumbled.

What you didn’t see, due to staring at the book, was that Sammy had been watching you and how your ears and tail had drooped. “If she doesn’t want to say, don’t make her. Can’t you tell she’s upset?” Sammy told the others.

That was when you looked up at him, somewhat surprised, but you smiled a little, and your ears perked up a bit, too. “Thanks.”

Bobby and John both had their suspicions, as did Dean, but none of them said a word, at least not about that. “So, if I understand it all. You’ll keep jumping dimensions until you find your soulmates?” Bobby asked.

“Sort of. I’m still not sure how that part works. I know it has something to do with having to be eighteen before I feel them and the connection,” you answered, still quietly, and you looked back down at the book.

“Does that mean you’ll end up leaving again?” Sammy asked, almost sounding sad.

“Probably. I just don’t know when,” you answered sadly.

“Last time, it happened after John and the boys left. It’s probably safe to assume that it’ll happen the same way this time, too,” Bobby thought out loud.

This was the third time you’d been to their world, and they all knew that, but none of them were sharing the thoughts they all shared. 

“Well, if you’re gonna be coming here more often, we should probably figure out a way so you can at least see more of what this place offers instead of being stuck in just one place,” Sammy suggested.

“Whoa. I’m not so sure her going out in public is such a good idea,” John stated.

“How come?” Sammy asked, slightly puzzled, “She’s watched enough TV to know how at least some things work.”

“The ears are easy to cover, but what about her tail?” John asked, pointing out the obvious.

“It’s okay. I don’t need to go out anywhere,” you mumbled.

You set the book down on the table and headed to your room. The atmosphere in the living room had just gotten too much for you, and you needed some alone time. Of course, you wanted to explore more of Earth, experience things you’d seen on TV, and see other people. You knew the complications of it all, though, and didn’t want them to fuss over you.

Moments like this made you miss your mom and dad, as well as the friends you’d made through your travels. Interacting with the brothers had been easier before you knew they were your soulmates. Somehow, that complicated things, and you felt nervous around them now. You had seen plenty of relationships on the TV, which gave you an idea of how things worked on Earth. 

It worked similarly to how it worked with your people. The dating part was similar, but dates were just different on Earth. There were all sorts of different things to do on Earth for dates, like going to restaurants, movies, places with something called miniature golf, and so much more that was so different than your world. With your ears and tail, you knew there was no way you could go out and see any of those kinds of places.

You could hear the four of them talking, even with the door closed, as you sat on your bed, crossed-legged. They said out loud what you hadn’t been able to, that the brothers were your soulmates. Dean wasn’t saying much, let alone how he felt about the whole thing. Sammy was curious, asking all sorts of questions which the adults didn’t have answers to. You then heard Bobby say something about looking for information on soulmates so they could understand it better since you were so nervous about talking about it.

You eventually curled up in your bed and drifted off to sleep when your emotions got the better of you. Between what Lysara had said and what you’d learned from the future, you hadn’t fully thought about how things would be different when you saw them again. Your dreams were of your childhood, your home, and your parents. It felt like a lifetime ago that you had seen them last. There was an aching in your heart, even in your dreams, knowing you’d never see them again.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 12 - Earth 1999 pt. 2

Link to the series Masterlist.

A/N: If you'd like to get in on the Dimensional Traveling, go to this link and leave me with a comment, or several, with as much or as little detail about the dimension you'd like the Traveler to end up in. If you'd like to have something specific happen, share that too. I'll make sure that you get credit for the idea you shared in the chapter in which your dimension is featured. I'd love to have as many readers involved as possible. I think this could be a lot of fun.

As always, if you'd like to be tagged, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list.

Tag List: @littlemadamred @mxltifxnd0m @foxyjwls007

[spritehouse]

On Repeat Prompts

(mostly angst) prompts inspired by my "on repeat" playlist on spotify!

Wrong People (Faye Webster) "Maybe I took what you said a little too. Maybe I took it just far enough." taken too far | arguments | "I didn't mean it like that"

Suspend Your Disbelief (Matt Maltese) "Maybe I'm just bones in a hell-bound motion" brought down to earth | insignificance/undervalued | "Nothing I do matters"

A Lot's Gonna Change (Weyes Blood) "Go back to a time when I was just a girl" matured/grew up too fast | innocence | "I was just a kid"

I'd have to think about it (Leith Ross) "I'm scared to death I'll scream your name" remeeting/re-entering someone's life | reunion | "I missed you"

A Dream With a Baseball Player (Faye Webster) "How did I fall in love with someone I don't know?" falling out of love | strangers | "I don't recognize you anymore"

Mortician (Matt Maltese) "I'll do my best to not romanticize" falling too quickly | blind adoration | "I love everything about you"

Andromeda (Weyes Blood) "Stop calling. It's time to let me be" sudden disconnection/isolation | ghosting | "This is for the best"

We'll Never Have Sex (Leith Ross) "You kissed me just to kiss me." gentle/intimate, non-sexual touches | touch aversion | "You're in control"

Is It Too Much To Ask (Faye Webster) "Maybe you'll give up and come home" one-sided attraction | distance | "I'll be right here."

Driving Just to Drive (Matt Maltese) "Maybe it meant nothing" silent car rides | leaving | "Where are we going?"

Salt Lake City (Etta Marcus & Matt Maltese) "This town doesn't suit you, this town doesn't suit me" leaving everything behind | starting over | "Will you come with me?"

Shotgun (Pomplamoose & dodie) "If you need me you know where I'll be" road trips | sightseeing | "We aren't lost" ("We're lost")

right side of my neck (Faye Webster) kisses at the door | goodbyes | "I miss you already"

Lobster (Matt Maltese) "People come and go, that's how it works" left behind | abandoned | "It's okay, I know."

In The Middle (dodie) "I held his hand like I held yours" still in love | moving on | "I still love you"

Not Strong Enough (boy genius) "I don't know why I am the way I am" proving yourself | dysfunctional | "I don't know why I'm like this"

Remember When (Faye Webster) "I remember when you were happy just to walk me to my car" lost excitement | mundane | "You used to make my heart race"

Studio 6 (Matt Maltese) "I remember one of those mornings, I reached out to wake you" learning to live without them | grief | "I see parts of them in everything"

Hate Myself (dodie) "I'm not magical, I can't read your mind" silent treatment | blame | "What did I do?"

Emily I'm Sorry (boy genius) "We can burn out in the freezing cold" mutual (self) destruction | unhealthy relationship | "I'm sorry."

Come to Atlanta (Faye Webster) "Why won't you come here to visit?" hidden relationship | shame | "You haven't told them about us?"

Sad Dream (Matt Maltese) "It seems a small price now that you've destroyed me" cutting ties | bad dreams | "Can we still be friends?"

Ready Now (dodie) "I'd forgotten people are kind" friendly face in a crowd | reaching out | "How did you know?"

Guts (Aiden Alexander) "You miss me. While I'm indifferent" one-sided relationship | manipulated | "I was using you."

old post from my drafts but i want to use some of these :)

[ae-azile]

For the ask fic game: 1, 11, and 14 for your Dancing Hedgehog series? Please and thank you!

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Giant Dancing Hedgehogs are Nightmare Fuel started as a one-shot and has grown into a multi-fic series that is several hundred thousand words and has both prequels and sequels. So it was far what I expected to write, but I guess - once I decided to go back to the one-shot and continue it - I decided to approach it to explore some of my favorite genres: angst, romance, hurt/comfort, and absolute crack/comedy. All at once. I did this because I feel like KP is the perfect fandom to explore these genres with. The series is filled with dramatic romance, angst, trauma, and wildly comedic moments. I just took the last two up a notch and added a magical weighted blanket, but gave myself wiggle room to write a more serious and angsty ArmKhun centric prequel (which still has comedy, but it's a bit more grounded), and a very serious VegasPete centric prequel. The sequel focuses on making things more fantastical and plot heavy with dream sharing, hidden sisters, Tawan's angelic doppelganger brother, forced memory loss, and captive mothers that need to be tracked down and saved. So I feel like the inspiration from the series developed gradually because I left the genres broad enough to be as angsty and silly as I wanted.

11. What do you like the best about this fic?

There are different things I like about each one so I will list them. This answer is long, so I am putting a cut.

Giant Dancing Hedgehogs are Nightmare Fuel

This is the fic that kicked the series off. From a completely biased perspective, the thing I like best about it when I read it is how it reunites the cousins and lets them hold themselves accountable for their actions in ways that don't bring them complete shame. They have chosen a path towards healing their wounds, understanding the perspectives of others, and trying to find clarity after being manipulated/abused by their fathers for so long. So I like that this does that and still finds ways to be silly, because laughter is a great medicine. The boys need to laugh.

As a writer? I am impressed and annoyed by how much it evolved as I was writing it. I did not plan out shit, no matter how it looks, and I love and hate that the backstories and offhanded remarks I would write that would fully flesh it out found ways to spiral into full plots or stories in my head that had to be further explored. Like, there was going to be no magical blanket. That wasn't thought of until Vegas wakes up holding it, saying it's an entity or haunted. The mothers weren't going to be alive. Gun and Pete's dad weren't going to have some past affair as a skeleton in both of their closets. Idk, I just made stuff up and wrote it down whenever I thought it was funny.

5, 3, 1, and On

Out of all of my fics, this might be the one I am most proud of. It feels the most mature to me without losing a comedic element or ignoring the gravity of Arm's and Tankhun's past traumas. Also, Tankhun is probably my absolute favorite character. I want all fics to be about him. I think I may be one of the only people to post a novel length and complete fic where Tankhun is part of the main pairing (if I am wrong, send those long fics my way!)

As for Arm, his tragic backstory was interesting to develop and also flexible, because we know very little about Arm. We know he is incredibly capable and should be the head guard now that Chan is gone, but he is also a part of the mafia. I feel like people who accept that kind of job have a story behind why. So making Arm kill a dozen pedophiles singlehandedly and expose his Dean for embezzlement seemed like it might be a way that touches upon just how capable he is. He is sent on missions, he hacks into other networks and systems, and is so good with Tankhun. And that's just from the little we do see. Expanding on that with an off take was fun.

The Weighted Blanket Ad No One Expected (But Everyone Deserves)

This one is a bit easier to answer: I love the girl power. I love that I was able to make Namphueng a more complex character, brought in four significant female OCs in the form of Vegas's mother - Milan, Vegas's grandmother - Fern, the major family mother - Dao, and the secret, long lost sister who is a teenage bodyguard, a baddie, and a dancing fiend - Aree. I really enjoyed developing all of them, especially Aree since creating her showed Porsche and Chay just how much they were robbed of and what Aree was robbed of.

I also love Benz. The readers also seem to love Benz, and I love this because when he was first introduced (prior to him saying a word) everyone wanted him dead due to looking just like his biological brother (who he never met). After a couple of scenes, everyone who mentioned him in their comments were ready to kill for him. I also liked including him because Vegas's and Kim's autism (in the fic) is able to go by without being easily detected if you don't know them. I have written Vegas as someone who has learned to mask over the years - especially after his mother died - and Kim as someone more introverted, which makes it so his symptoms might be dismissed as just that. With Benz, it's much more noticable. He stims in public, struggles with speech off and on, is extremely picky with food, likely has an auditory processing disorder paired with sensory issues, and hyperfixates on his special interest intensely. His symptoms have also likely become more profound due to the consistent emotional and physical abuse inflicted on him by his mother, not being diagnosed and supported, and not having other family members to fall back on until Kim welcomes him in and makes it a goal to protect him, with Aree following that goal after witnessing just how awful Tak (his mother and Korn's fiancee) is to him. So writing him as a multi-faceted character that readers empathized with is a pride moment.

Also, I like my two semi-original couples in it: Macau/Aree and Namphueng/Milan. This BL world NEEDS a token straight couple and lesbian couple! 😂 While Namphueng and Milan are rekindling their old teenage romance secretly at the moment, I have been developing Macau and Aree since chapter 7, I think? I loved making Macau confirm that he is straight, loved having Vegas empathize with Aree's past and situation rather than deem them as reasons Macau should reconsider his feelings for her, and just like what they have brought out in each other. I also like inverting expectations by making Macau the soft and inexperienced one and making Aree the more blunt, forward, and physically capable one (not that Macau isn't. He likely grew up training to defend himself and others. But Aree is fucking FIERCE).

So yeah, I really loved creating the OCs/semi-OCs, along with writing them in pairings that seemed to still stay engaging to readers somehow. I also loved incorporating sign language as a way to give Namphueng access to communication. I loved it so much that I have used it in multiple fics, just like I love Aree and made her a character in Lay Me Down to Sleep with a similar background but facing very different circumstances. ♥️

Before We Forget

This one is only 6 chapters so far and I update it sporadically, but I love exploring Vegas as a teen. This is before his first kill and shows how his first relationship with Pete developed. This is a Vegas who knows he has to be guarded, but he's too honest and desperate for someone to just see him and take an interest in him. He's sensitive and is not good at covering sadness. It's an emotion he feels a lot of due to the hot and cold treatment he receives from his father, being parentified (despite loving his brother very much), missing his "dead" mother desperately, being disconnected from his cousins since his mother and aunt died and resenting them, being pumped out for deals, and falling in love with the new major family bodyguard close to his age. The thing is - and maybe because it's from Vegas's POV - but I feel like he wears his heart on his sleeve more than Pete does. Pete puts on such a convincing happy demeanor that Vegas has yet to catch on that Pete's history is not a good one. Pete, however, catches onto Vegas struggling. I think he has barely scraped the surface, but he can see Vegas needs a friend who will provide some comfort. But that's hard to do in a secret, teenage romance. So yeah, I think writing Vegas as someone facing so much but still so hopeful for love and change is what I like the most. ♥️

14. Is there anything you want readers to learn from this fic?

I guess considering the series is all over the place in terms of genre, I suppose I want readers to find the joy in cross-genre fics, since life is full of happy, funny, romantic, sad, funny, and enraging moments. If they are thinking of writing, don't be afraid to write something weird, put your characters in absurd situations, or give them specific characteristics or quirks that aren't normally found in media. Absurdity can bring on beauty and broaden your writing skills, since it's fun to implement those absurd or over-the-top moments in a way that aligns themselves with the story's tone.

Thank you for the ask @fawndlyvenus! ♥️

[fiepige]

brooo I literally can't get over how much I love your concept 😭

im reading through your pinned post over and over again to help me write my Venom!Hobie inspired fanfic and its absolutely blowing my mind

you have a beautiful brain

also do you think venom!hobie, when the symbiote mostly takes him over, would eat people like cops or criminals by choice? or would he be against eating people at all

cuz I'm trying to have a scene where when he first gets taken over by venom he gets really hungry and the symbiote kind of takes over and when he wakes up he realizes he accidentally ate someone without even realizing

that sounds really stupid rn but I swear it'll sound better when I actually write it out I just want ur feedback 😭

much love <3

😭

AAHHHH Thank you so much!!! I don't even know what to say!! Just!!! Thank you SO MUCH you are so kind!!! 💜💜💜💜💜

(I'm still insanely happy that Venom!Hobie could inspire someone else to actually write a fic about him! Like how cool is that?!?)

imo Venom!Hobie can have a little cannibalism, as a treat

lol in all seriousness though, I personally like to think that even though the symbiote definitely has the upper hand when taking control, Hobie still gets to influence it in some smaller ways

- such as his hatred for cops in particular still shining through (the symbiote would be aware of Hobie's influense but it wouldn't really mind as long as it gets to eat some humans- food is food lol), but if he got really hungry and there weren't any cops around I'm not sure his influence would be strong enough to prevent them from targeting someone else... (again I'm just a sucker for angst, the thought of Hobie being driven so desperate by hunger that he just lets the symbiote do what needs to be done to make the hunger go away is just!!! 👌)

Of course Hobie himself would normally be against eating people- it's one thing to kill a cop (which he has done before). Killing a cop and eating the body is a whole other story. But I like the idea of the symbiote manipulating its host to an extent where they don't even realise how messed up their actions are!

(after all the symbiote would usually have to manipulate its host into killing someone first, since most spider people don't kill, and then it'd have to make its host eat the body as well! In Venom!Hobie's case the symbiote can pretty much skip step one since Hobie isn't against killing in the first place (as long as it's cops or something in that vein) so I feel like it could probably push Hobie to eat people as well. Wether or not Hobie is conscious/lucid while doing so could depend on the situation)

Hope this helps! 💜 If not, please let me know if there's something you want me to elaborate on, I sorta just start to ramble when I talk about this guy lol 😅 (I love your take on him so don't be afraid to do your own thing with him if you want!)

Also! That scene sounds so good!!!! 👀👌👀 Can't wait to read it!!!! Him waking up and realising he's eaten someone while not even being aware of it?!? Oh this is gonna be so good I just know it!!! 👀💜👀

Thank you so much for this ask (I'm always down to talk about Venom!Hobie!!!) and the kind words! They made my day 💜💜💜