#where getinthefunvee gets half the credit

[mementomorimthrfckr]

No Flirting On The Job

I would like to thank B... No. I would like to thank the gif below, @getinthefunvee​ and that chat moment. 

CHARACTERS are TONY STARK and FRANK CASTLE. The SCENE is set to an extravagant charity event at some insane ball room in a skyscraper. I mean why not. Where does these events go down anyway? There’s security (including police) and a bunch of rich people. They are mingling. Showing off fancy jewellery and flashing bright white smiles.

Both characters are uncomfortable, but not out of their element. FRANK is wearing a COP UNIFORM to better blend in with the security. TONY is looking quite dapper, wearing a suit. There’s a green bush like three between them and the entrance, which helps create the illusion that the moment is private. 

-

TONY walks over to FRANK. FRANK is by the wall with a good view of the room, the elevator/entrance off to his right.

TONY: Pull me over and frisk me, officer. I’ve done an illegal. 

FRANK’s jaw clenches and he glares at his boss, as if he can’t believe what he’s just heard.

FRANK: I put this shit on to…

FRANK can’t get himself to finish the sentence. TONY knows why he put it on. FRANK probably needed a moment to let it sink in, because as FRANK’S eyes narrow, his neck goes red.

FRANK: What did you just say?

TONY – far more patient than anyone deserves – repeats himself, making sure FRANK catches it this time.

TONY: I said, “Officer,” I may or may not be carrying drugs and or illegal ordnance on my person in intimate places. You should thoroughly check, just in case.

FRANK glared. It’s his default face.

FRANK: You think you’re being cute?

FRANK glances around nervously, worried that someone might have heard. Biggest concern? The other security guards.  

TONY: I know for a fact that I’m cute and I have the JSTOR articles to prove my research. You’re looking a little warm there, Officer.

FRANK somehow avoids looking at TONY altogether, eyes scanning the room as if it’s suddenly filled with threatening personas. More threatening than the one before him. It takes a lot of effort, his brows furrow slightly, but he barely avoids a grimace.

FRANK: Distracting the guy you hired to protect you? Not a smart move.

TONY I’m very, very smart. I am, however, also an idiot. Listen, you should really let me take a look at your, you know, nightstick. Make sure it’s not compressed in those trousers.

TONY bites his lip, eyes travelling down FRANK’S body. At the same time FRANK stares up at the ceiling, as if silently asking for patience. He swallows hard, unaware of the effect that seems to have on people.

FRANK: You always like this? It’s the uniform, huh?

It’s an impossible angle. But the CAMERA zooms in on FRANK’S hands. They’re gathered behind his back, like the good little soldier he is. He digs his thumb into the flesh of his palm. Because we need more ways to prove that he’s uncomfortable.

TONY swirls his cranberry juice around in the glass.

TONY: Yes and yes.

TONY calmly looks at the crowd. Seemingly unaffected. It gives the idea that TONY is trying to catch whatever FRANK was looking for earlier.

TONY (calmly): I’m enjoying the mental image of ripping the shirt open and peeling you out of that Kevlar. Have you had any hors d’oeuvres?

FRANK scoffs, surprised by TONY’S bluntness. Not entirely sure if he’s being serious. FRANK grumbles his reply, but manages to keep his voice level. His words are a bit rushed.

FRANK: And you felt like sharing that with me. And you figured this was the right moment to do so. You want me to drag you into an interrogation room and get frisky huh? Is that what you want?

TONY barely avoids choking on his juice. He lifts his eyebrows.

TONY: Oh my god, you said “frisky”. I think my dick just moved to Kansas and didn’t leave a forwarding address. No, I don’t want to get frisky. I want to blow your mind. Or you know. Other parts of you.

FRANK sighs deeply. There’s that blush on his neck again. FRANK is evidently frustrated. If he had gotten to drag TONY off somewhere – at least his employer would be out of harms way. Like the stubborn idiot FRANK is, he tried his best not to let the words get to him. FRANK shifts, possibly digging his thumb back into his palm.

FRANK: ‘M not sure that’s how the bodyguard business works, Mr. Stark.

FRANK finally sets his eyes on TONY. Direct eye contact this time. Anyone else might have found him intimidating. TONY winks. FRANK isn’t thrown off by it.

TONY: Hey, you’re the professional here. What do I know? Actually, maybe I do know something; I know I’d like to get my hands in your hair, even if it risked beard burn.

FRANK looks bewildered. TONY is flirting with him – whilst he should be flirting with the hotter people. Any impulse he might have had to punch someone who made attempts at him like that held back; they’re in front of a crowd. TONY is his boss. There is no way. And despite this weird exchange; FRANK would like to keep his job.

FRANK scowls at TONY and averts his eyes.

FRANK (flatly): That what happened to your previous bodyguards?

FRANK tries to prove that he doesn’t care. But right now? He’s concerned. It seems like TONY flirted with his previous guards, got them into bed – and kicked them out. FRANK tries another approach; as if that would explain it all.

FRANK: How many cocktails have you had?

TONY chuckles into his drink.

TONY: You’re my first official bodyguard, but I’m living for the tabloid headlines you’re imagining right now. Actually, no. Technically Happy was my first ever bodyguard, though he’s more of a driver. He got married to my ex, so now they both have me over a barrel. And this? Is cranberry juice, mom. Thanks for checking in.

FRANK can’t help the frustrated groan that slips past his lips – despite the relief he felt that TONY was sober. For some reason, that made everything worse. FRANK hesitates. Wants to ask him about the headlines – but also don’t want to encourage more flirting.

FRANK (genuinely): Sounds like a lot.

FRANK wets his lips. FRANK does not know how to play this game at all. Why are you like that? Anyway. TONY notices, of course.

TONY: “Sounds like a lot” – hopefully the name of your sex tape.

TONY let’s out a small sigh and stares longingly at his cranberry cocktail. TONY finds himself wishing it had alcohol. Would it make it better? Probably not. Could he get away with pressing further? Probably. Would he like to? …Well.

TONY: Anyway, if you’re not willing to ravish me in a broom closet, I should mingle and you should get nervous, because that’s usually when people start trying to touch me.

FRANK looks down and shakes his head, brows knitting together as he tries to make sense of that.

FRANK: Thought you wanted to be touched?

FRANK squints at him, there’s a hint of offended written across his face. Just a smidge.

FRANK: I don’t get nervous.

TONY: I like to be touched when I decide I like someone; I don’t like to be pawed at by random oligarchs. It’s a fine line, I know.

TONY grins – but it doesn’t reach his eyes. FRANK feels sorry for him and shifts a little. Almost as if he has half a mind to reach out and touch TONY’S shoulder. FRANK doesn’t.

TONY: If you don’t get nervous, at least you’ll get prepared.

FRANK couldn’t imagine what ever for. FRANK was there to eliminate threats. Not New York’s bachelors and bachelorettes, trying to get in bed with his boss. However… there’s that SLIGHT concern.

FRANK (softer): Let me know if you need to get out, kay? I’ll stay alert.

As FRANK makes his promise, he squares his shoulders and tries to relax. FRANK realises how tense he has been.

TONY: You’re actually adorable.

TONY leans closer and pats FRANK’S chest. Half an excuse to touch him. Half a fond gesture. FRANK huffs and gives a short nod. TONY squares his shoulders like he’s absorbed all of FRANK’S tension, making it painfully evident just how exited he is to meet the others. TONY: Anyway. Time to be Tony Stark.

FRANK watches as TONY disappears into the mass of people. A little over two hundred. Fine, glittery gowns, tuxedoes… FRANK is a healthy mixture of relieved and concerned. Relieved that the flirting stopped. Concerned about TONY. FRANK knows one thing for sure though; he is hell bent on forgetting everything.

CAMERA zooms in on TONY getting into the crowd, the angle changes, so we his face – how TONY masks his discomfort – and the looming shadow in the back that is FRANK CASTLE, keeping an eye on the scene.

BLACK.

~

DELETED SCENE A FEW WEEKS LATER

Characters are FRANK CASTLE and TONY STARK. Location is set at a CINEMA.  The two is sitting next to each other, watching Hobbs and Shaw or something like that. None of them is actually paying attention. FRANK already has control of the exits and the people there. TONY’s mind is elsewhere.

TONY leans over and speaks in a low voice.

TONY: You still got that uniform?

FRANK immediate response is to look at TONY and glare. As he turns away FRANK swallows hard, fingers drum impatiently against his thigh. FRANK’S eyes go dark. FRANK: Why? You wanna borrow it?

FRANK licks his lips.

…Black…

OFF SCREEN:

FRANK: …or do you want to be ravished in a broom closet?

TONY gasps.