#where ever the road takes me
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i'm so charmed by the letter trapper gets back from his wife in "kim"
louise mcintyre is hilarious actually
#if you ignore the part where he's infidelities georg i think their marriage is probably a lot of fun#this episode is so cuuuuute#it's so funny when henry is like well we have a random child with no parents here#i'm going to send him to the place right down the road which specializes in taking care of children in such situations#and with which we are personally involved at least one episode per season#and hawkeye and trapper are like YOU MONSTER why can't we just keep a pet child in camp forever we'll walk him every day after school#we are super responsible by nature and nothing dangerous or traumatizing ever happens here#(we're just gonna forget the end where everyone looks like they're so sad they're going to throw up) (LET THEM HAVE NICE THINGS)#(would you judge me for writing fic where they get to. have nice things)#mashblogging
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Is the whole Going My Way a nod to Dick hitchhiking all over the damned place and not just, but also, some Gay Winnix shit. Have I been overlooking this entire time because of , you know, they gay Winnix shit?!?!
#winnix#where ever the train takes me#son of a bitch#its been there the whole time#hes trying to pick you up and take you to chicago#fuck#im just as oblivious#and he picks him up with the tank on the side of the fucking road#oh god wtf why did this take me so long
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of all the things I expected walking into Twisters, I didn’t expect it to make me homesick
#take me BACK bro I want sweet tea and big skies and big storms#gave me the urge to floor it down a long flat road despite there not being that many around where I live#sob sob I go home soon#anyway super fun movie I had an absolute blast#it is not trying to be the Best Most Awarded Movie Ever and I love it for that#penni yeets her thoughts into the void
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS#“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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Something I keep seeing when I speak to others about MTMTE Megatron is basically the idea that he's going on a personal journey to become a better person, that the point isn't for him to be "redeemed" but for him to get a chance to do good and die as a person he can live with again. That MTMTE presents a unique take on this because being away from Cybertron gives Megatron a chance to be a person rather than a political figure and this is how it gives him more depth as a character. Or just generally pointing out in a narrative sense that Megatron being in MTMTE limits his story options so of course his story is going to be more focused on a personal journey than on politics of him dealing with the Decepticons/Earth/etc and that just because JRO made a choice to take that path with Megatron doesn't mean that it's inherently bad.
And I'm just, mmm like I understand all of those points and acknowledge that they all contributed to the MTMTE Megatron we got. I even think that without JRO writing Megatron we wouldn't have had his lore be as fleshed out and 3D as it ended up becoming.
(Post starts out as a sort of meta analysis or at least me giving a reasoned explanation for my interpretation of the story, ends up being petty bitching in the last 1-2 paragraphs)
I just..... I just personally don't agree with the "he's becoming a better person by getting a chance to relax and experience happiness and trust after a life of trauma" as being the best choice for his character? Because the problem is that maybe if he were a random Decepticon foot soldier that would be appropriate, but he was literally the leader of the Decepticons that made them Like That and has political/cultural/societal responsibility for why things are the way they are? To be completely frank, I don't care about him going on a personal journey for self-peace, I think that he should become a better person by helping to un-fuck all the things he actually screwed up???
Like idc about the debate of whether he can be "redeemed" or if he should've been killed/imprisoned/etc at the ending. It just comes down to the fact that for me personally, I feel that since Megatron's wrongdoings were at a social level, him "being a better person" would've been better shown by him engaging with those people who he wronged instead of just going on a frigging personal journey for his legacy and self-peace???
Especially since in other series (exRID, possibly Windblade) we literally got plots like "the neutrals hate Autobots but they hate Decepticons even more" and "the Decepticons have been taken over by Galvatron and are now invading earth 2 electric boogaloo" and "yeah the Decepticons are literally living in slums because people hate them so much and won't give them any work." It just leaves me wondering why in the hell people are like, "oh Megatron got to be happy and have a chance to be a normal person." I don't want him to be normal! I want him to repay his debts to the people he actually wronged! Like if you want to cast Megatron as a hero of the people so badly (which so many of his stans do as if he actually cared about the Cons) then how do you reconcile the fact that Megatron just fucked off and left the Decepticons to suffer on Cybertron? Including some of them attacking during his trial and getting killed and Megatron is basically like "sorry, I'm not coming with you and this isn't going to work." And then Megatron complains about "toxic Decepticon loyalty" as if he didn't literally make them that way? Like I get that MTMTE Megatron is still an asshole but if you've read something besides MTMTE and know what the Decepticons are going through, it just ends up being really grating.
I just don't see Megatron as being a particularly good hero or having a particularly fulfilling story if he's completely isolated from all the bad things he did on Cybertron/the way the Decepticons are suffering until LL#25 where it's like "ah damn I'm going to trial now, well this is what I deserve so it's fine." Why could we not have seen something like Megatron trying to deradicalize the Decepticons or change their public image so they could integrate into normal Cybertron again? They were living in SLUMS and getting gunned down by Starscream's badgeless enforcers!
The best we got was the Functionist Universe but like.... I'm sorry, but JRO inventing a whole alternate universe for Megatron to save doesn't do jack shit to save or fix the people he left behind in this one. It was especially grating to read because JRO literally wrote in someone saying "you saved billions of lives from the Functionists" as if he was trying really hard to show how good Megatron is because he saved people (and also if not for Megatron existing Cybertron would be even worse and half of your faves would be enslaved or dead, also the Functionist Council was going to genocide organics too so technically they're WORSE than Megatron since they hate organics AND want to enslave their own race).
I read Barber's, JRO's, and MScott's series concurrently using the omnibus + a release order list for phase 3, and after all that I'm kind of puzzled why the fandom seems to ardently love MTMTE Megatron and think he's so well written but then also shit on Optimus for things that he did during the same points in the story? Because, and I know this is a blazing hot take, I honestly think that Optimus makes a better hero of his story than Megatron does for his, and Optimus' personal journey combines his personal and political identities into a narrative that's a lot more gruelling and questioning of his goodness than we got for Megatron in MTMTE. Which is fucking saying something considering Megatron committed crimes against sapient species and Optimus is the guy who tried to stop him from doing that and has always been pro-equal rights for all beings. But people pretty much just cherrypick things like Optimus annexing Earth or beating up Prowl and go "he's bad" and I'm like no??? IDW OP isn't a bad person or a bad character??? It's just that unlike MTMTE Megatron he's placed in a narrative that actually suits the nature of his actions and has themes that match. To the point that IMO sometimes Barber's narrative shits on Optimus excessively or paints him mainly in the most unflattering ways.
But like. It's just funny to me because Optimus spent his entire part of the story doing things like trying to stop Earth from being invaded/colonized yet again. Grappling with his identity as Prime and dealing with the fact that people literally worship him vs. the fact that his upbringing made him see the Primacy as nothing more than a facade of authority/leadership. Having people get mad at him for prioritizing politics over friendship/relationships with other people. Even getting shit on for being a cop a decent amount so people can STFU about IDW OP being "copaganda" or "not held responsible for his actions". The problems that Optimus dealt with were personal because they had to do with his self-doubt, culpability for the war as a leader of one of the armies, distance from his soldiers, etc. But all of these are also POLITICAL struggles. Because Optimus gave up on the chance to just be a normal person having personal struggles when he chose to become a LEADER, which also means that he's held to extremely high standards that he regularly fails at in the eyes of others.
That's why, to me, MTMTE Megatron falls flat in comparison and really as a "hero" or heel-face character in general? Because he also made a decision to be a leader, and IMO once you do things like become the commander of an army and start your own galactic empire, you lose the right to prioritize your personal problems and instead are obligated by the power you've chosen to wield to focus on your POLITICAL problems. If Megatron's power, influence, and crimes are of a social-political nature, then his heel-face turn arc and ways of showing that he's a better person/helping to heal what little damage he possibly can should have been shown with actions that help on a social-political LEVEL. That's why I'm not particularly impressed with his character arc and feel as if it was overhyped by other people in this fandom: sure, the extra character depth and emotion is nice, but I'm not really going to see him as extraordinary or even particularly good when the extent of him "becoming a better person" happens entirely on a random road trip to fuck-off nowhere. Especially not when the ending of LL tried to sell me a "they lived happily ever after" ending while basically leaving the freaking MUTINY as just Rodimus going "oh it's okay you're forgiven, we're all together again" and I guess everyone was fine with Megatron and wanted to spend an eternity on a ship with him just because Getaway died.
This is why I like (the concept/themes of) exRID/OP and the way Optimus' character arc was handled a lot more. Because for Optimus, the personal and the political were as one. He was held accountable for his actions towards others and the disruptive effects they had on a social level, sometimes to a ridiculous extent (the fucking "oh Megatron is an Autobot so now that makes the Autobots colonizers" plot and that stupid colonist screaming about how Optimus is "literally fascist" my beloathed). Even his very personal issues like his relationship with Zeta were still cast in a wider lens of, yeah this is a personal struggle that Orion faced, but he was still part of a Society TM and his actions were sometimes ill-informed or harmful to others. Even if I had a lot of problems with the way Optimus' story was written by Barber (plot holes, little meaningful character interaction, forced conflicts), at least the BASELINE of it was way better than Megatron's in MTMTE. Especially since Optimus' struggle was explictly about things like struggling with responsibility and how he feels he HAS to intervene in political affairs because has to save people/make up for his past mistakes. That's something that a good leader/good person actually does, so I found Optimus to be a better hero (even if his actions weren't all "good") because he was trying to be a good person by actually getting involved with Cybertron/Earth and subjecting himself to something he hates (leadership, war) and dealing with a shitload of criticism instead of just going on a fuckin "personal journey" lksdlkfsd.
Which just makes me extra salty that people hold up MTMTE Megatron as the pinnacle of Megatrons and literally the best Transformers writing evar! while turning up their nose and ignoring or outright despising IDW Optimus. Like okay. I guess since Megatron got handled with silk gloves on while Optimus got put through the wringer of being shit on by every other person in the story, it's easier for you to pretend that Megatron is a poor uwu boy who just needs friendship and love while Optimus is literally the worst bastard to ever exist. Or maybe it's just that since Optimus' story involves him sometimes fucking up, being criticized, or making things worse, that makes him morally bad. As opposed to Megatron who disrupted a lot of other characters' stories in MTMTE, had to have an entire alternate universe invented so that he could "save lives," and got to sail off on a quantum Lost Light happily ever after, so since he's happy and the story says he saved people that means he's a good hero.
#squiggposting#it started out sort of analytical but ended up bitchy#i also feel like for some reason my understanding of what a redemption arc is is different from others?#when i talk to people about it they keep saying 'well M can't make up for what he did'#and i'm like. no that's not what i mean by redemption arc#to me redemption arc literally just means 'a character goes from bad to good over the course of a story'#whether they're forgiven or if they can 'make up for it' objectively is irrelevant like#redemption arc is literally a common label used for the general trope so idk where this confusion is coming from?#also hot take when i say a character should be redeemed i'm literally not talking about wether they're forgiven or pardoned in universe#i just mean. as a reader. do i read their story arc and see them go from bad to good and progress in meaningful ways#do they do something. anything. to address or apologize or fix what they did#is there some sort of symbolic or literal sacrifice or act of service or any Good Thing even if it's only one single moment#then to me they've been redeemed in a narrative sense. it has nothing to do with whether they can literally compensate for hteir crimes#anyways. the tldr of this is that i don't hate mt/mte at all and i also don't hate idw M. i love them in fact#it's just i feel like i was severely let down by how much this fandom hyped and continues to hype mt/mte meg#(peg/gy the pirate spongebob meme voice) that's it? that's the M redemption arc?#that's just a guy going on a space road trip and being emo#mfs tried to tell me it was one of the best tf stories ever written and i'm like. yeah thanks but no#worse still ppl came out of m/tmte going 'actually M was right about everything'#and i'm like. shit take and you are spreading this nonsense everywhere including shitting on my faves w your bad takes#mfs wanna call M a hero of the ppl who at least cared about the cons when he literally left them for broke on cybertron#i don't think idw M had a good heel-face turn arc bc he didn't really like do anything meaningful in the wider scope of things#what if idw M achieved inner peace by protecting the cons and making sure they had rights post war. how about that#i mean for various reasons the story would've been more complicated than that due to editorial and company mandate bullshit#i just feel as if talking about the story narrative itself IDW M's redemption arc is far from remarkable#except for the fact that JRO dared to do it at all perhaps#(vine voice) that's my OPINION!!!!!
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God . . . imagine thinking Laios is a bad person who doesn't care about people. actual insanity.
#yea this is about you know who's 'review' again. it's on my mind now that i'm trying to finish the series. sowwy. ;9#making this unrebloggable from the getgo this time so that drama obsessed freaks can't get their hands on my ramblings again. fuck off lmao#anyways imagine thinking that. IMAGINE THINKING THAT HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HIS SISTER. GET WELL SOON OR FUCKING PERISH.#EDIT HEY I'M NOT QUITE DONE ACTUALLY:#i heard someone else say this and now that i finished the series i honestly gotta agree on some level#i think this specific YTer did genuinely try to give the series as a whole another shot (since she was only watching the anime at first)#but then when she went into the manga was so fucking mad at her viewers and fans straight up disagreeing with her personal interpretations#(which were wrong but she took them down the dumb as fuck and extremely wrong road of All of These Are Factual Actually Sorry)#that she only really skimmed the manga (or looked at footnotes/summaries) and took up a soapbox of I Know Everything About This Thing Now#and doubled down on her just completely wrong and honestly dumb opinions and interpretations being presented as fact out of pure spite#it legit sucks so fucking bad. cause like i know and have actually seen her audience who haven't ever touched the series#(or some that maybe started it and have some sort of beef with it for one reason or another and had those feelings validated by her)#parrot back these ideas as if they're true! i partly know it cause it happened with me and her talking about fucking ****** ********!#like legit i sometimes check like her channel or her blog on here every so often and i saw a post of hers on here#where someone in the replies just. blindly agreed with her! and called Laios a bad person probably without ever checking DM out themselves!#which is crazy cause this YTer used to call out like other YTers not taking hard stances#feeling they have to cloak whatever opinions or stances they have in a million This Is Just My Opinion disclaimers etc#which made me realize Oh Hey Yea They Do That like i used to like that about her!#but. you know. if her audience isn't forming their own opinions about a series and just parroting back her own to validate her being wrong.#then it's fine. i guess. epic echo chamber moments or what the fuck ever.#okay NOW i'm done i think. this time. i like to bitch and moan so i might vague post about her again probably. tee hee. :3
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This winter (the season not the me) has been unseasonably and terrifyingly warm, like it's 10 degrees (Celsius sorry Americans) out today and I'm reminded of an article I read in the news a couple years ago about how Canada was baking at twice the rate as the rest of the world and go 👁️👄👁️. In my youth snow where I live would be probably a foot high in the lowest snow areas of snow drifts and up to my waist (in adult height) in the high parts, and every year I see less and less snow ☠️☠️☠️
On one hand despite my namesake I actually loathe the season winter, I'm extremely sensitive to the cold and getting brain freeze because the wind is blowing against the direction you're walking in sucks booty hole. But like NO snow is extremely bad. VERY bad. Do not like living out the consequences of climate change because uh. Canada just does not seem to have winters like it used to and hasn't in years. It's like watching all the corn crops stop growing like they used to because the summers are so much dryer and hotter with the exception of last summer, which was almost wet enough to kill the corn with that. But they survived and grew bushy like they used to and it was kind of terrifying to acknowledge I hadn't seen a crop that good in years.
#winters ramblings#on one hand it genuinely is SO NICE to not deal with snow seriously it is SO inconvenient#beautiful to look at for sure REALLY stunning when its not literally blinding you but omG snow on roads#in the cities where i live leave HUGE slush puddles and the snow is so MUSHY and WET from cars#pulverizing it to a fine icy slush ready to SOAK your feet in freezing water. shit is inconvenience powder#but the environment is in NEED of the snow that is how this country works environmentally NORMALLY#but no now we have consistently spring weather and ever less snowy winters#although we did have a shitty winter a couple years ago but thats not exacy indicive of much when it goes against prior patterns#and also that shitty winter STILL wasnt the winters of my childhood. the snow was ABSURD then#and yes its because drifts were the size of ME but even the massive piles of snow plowed from side walks are so much smaller#IF theres snow pules at all weve BARELY got snow this year and none of it stuck!!#like damn its been gone long enough ill miss it exactly until i have to walk to a bus stop in it#when i was 13 ill never forget my parents making me return a movie in a snow storm and it took me FORTY MINUTES#to complete this task because the snow NO JOKE was up to my wasit the whole way and i was my full 5'6 then#the snow was HORRIBLE. and for reference how long it USUALLY takes me to walk uptown and back?#roughly 15 minutes round trip so it took longer to walk ONE WAY than it took me to do a round trip no snow#and thats the last time i remember having a REALLY bad winter on account of walking to school was ALSO hell if the sidewalk#wasnt already plowed and usually only the main streets got that and i was Middle Street so id be done when id be going HOME#but not when i was going TO school. that winter blew ASS butlike it was normal bring them back 😭😭
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I still think the more I think about it that sanctuary at it's core is a perfectly understandable reaction on Eichis part I mean have you read blackbird imagine being Eichi and experiencing that. I would also go insane if the guy that's stuck with me through weal and woe — who's been a main motivation for me to keep on living by being kind of the reason I fell in love with idols in the first place which is a fact about me that proceeded to shape the narrative at it's very core and who I'm so close to it makes other people uncomfortable sometimes, yet I feel like I don't know him at all and like there's this chasm between us still — just disappeared without any notice for a few days at least and then I find out he's hypnotized himself to play around with some boring kid from his theater circle because he wasn't able to do that as a child. Shakes you there are so many layers to the Sanctuary thing when you think about it of course Eichi was being eaten up by jealousy I would be too for god's sake imagine thinking you're getting closer to someone and then they pull a stunt like that. Why would he rather toy around with this boring weirdo who doesn't even know him like Eichi does that should've been Eichi stuck in that construction area with Wataru not Tomoya! It's only logical because Tomoya hasn't been through what they've been through together. And Eichi is petty and a menace and I still think it was overly dramatic and a tad bit of an asshole move to just leave Tomoya there because he was angry with him while Tomoya was just some guy roped into this without his will or knowledge but I get it. In a way I understand it. I think it's over the top but what is Eichi Tenshouin if not over the top and a little (or very) dumb sometimes and you know what they say about how love makes blind yeah I think that also applies to common sense there.
#See sanctuary was actually so good for Wataei because they communicated properly for once in their fucking life#the helicopter talk I mean where Eichi was sulking and Wataru reassured him that he still loved him very much <- liberally stated#very liberally stated#the road to getting there was long but hey they talked#which is nice#and I think it also speaks for Wataru that he also didn't even mind that they just flew off without Tomoya#poor Tomoya was literally the biggest loser in that situation#not a single win counted on his side#he lost that war#Wataei are so perfect for each other have you ever seen two people more perfect for each other#again I'm starting to gush i will quiet now but oh they just.#giggling and kicking my legs they are so. waugh <333#wataei#a little disclaimer btw it could very well be that I'm a tad delusional about this because of my bias towards them so.#always take things I say with a grain of salt it pains me so to speak these words but I am not necessarily a reliable source
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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retconning stroud out of the deep roads so i can shove laure amell and the hawke siblings and varric and anders all into the same little camp. they would all have such a bad time
#carver: dying of blight. with an inferiority complex. but mostly dying#danie: MY BROTHER!!! MY BABY BROTJER HELP HIM!!!!!#anders: oh god oh fuck. wait a minute. i recognize this area. isnt this where the commander should be? oh hell#varric: we are all going to 🪦die⚰️ in a 🕳 hole. not even a GOOD hole#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: oh. anders. glad you're not dead or a darkspawn but Why The Fuck Are You Here#anders: oh hell. uh.#warden commander laure amell of ferelden and amaranthine: actually shut up. darkspawn incoming. its too open here so follow me to camp#'uh- commander-' 'shut it. there are shrieks about. this is a nasty area to be in with non-wardens' [glaring disapprovingly]#they awkwardly walk to camp. sigrun and a couple other wardens are there. they all sit down & drop their stuff#amell sits on a stump and pulls out a corked bottle. pops the cork. sniffs it. takes a swig. her white hair almost seems to glow?#she coughs then asks anders 'so why *are* you this far in the deep roads with a band of nonwardens? how'd you even get here?'#anders pulls out the map and hands it over. she looks at it. her expression darkens. she rolls up the map and says 'Anders.' he looks up.#she whaps him on the head with the map and gripes 'do you have ANY idea how long I spent looking for these fucking maps?!' whap 'you dick!'#she whaps him one more time then stuffs the maps into her bag. 'that still doesn't tell me WHY you're here. out with it.'#varric speaks up: 'my asshole brother locked us in a thaig. we came down on an expedition and found an idol that he betrayed us for'#amell frowns. 'a *thaig*? there aren't any records in the shaperate of any out this far. this isn't even a main branch of the deep roads.'#'it could be ancient!' sigrun offers 'or an unsavory secret the shaperate 'lost'. like Caridin?' amell nods & turns back to varric.#'so you're looking for a way out.' they nod. 'and just happened to come by this way?' anders says 'no commander- we need your help.'#amell takes another swig of her bottle. her hair is definitely glowing slightly. 'who *doesn't* these days. but for a pair of old friends-'#she winks at anders. 'what is it you need?' danie interrupts. '-please- my brother is sick- if you can't help him he'll die!'#amell looks at hawke then at carver. gets up and steps over to him. kneels in front of him and unceremoniously grabs his face#tilts his chin up (carotid + jugular blackened) peels his eyelid back (sclera greying and bloodshot) pries open his mouth (tongue greying)#then releases his head and stands shaking her hands. 'oh yeah. that's blight for sure. this is why you sought me out?' anders nods.#'we'll take him. but you know- he may not survive the joining.' 'any chance is better than letting him die!' 'i agree.' amell says coolly.#'youre lucky. we can do it here but the prep will take time. rest. eat. be on your guard. and DO NOT touch my whiskey if you're not a mage.'#it takes like a day of prep. also no one has used amell's name so they havent figured out the Cousins thing yet#eventually amell pulls carver over to the fire and hands him a cup of the joining potion and says 'you get one warning. *don't flinch.*'#he drinks it. he lives. but he's unconscious. amell sends the party on their way#to anders: here. i found this not long after you left. *hands him the phylactery* you and justice be careful. it's getting chaotic out there#to hawke: for what it's worth im sorry. if ever you need the wardens' assistance i grant it under the authority of warden-commander amell
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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 7: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression
(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)
The winning option of yesterday's poll was that the adventurer should go on a 5 day journey to find the Innkeeper's weird brother who studies animals, and show him the Suspicious Egg….
~
The next morning he wakes early, buzzing with renewed purpose, and also minor back pain from sleeping on old potato sacks.. After a meager breakfast of more free leftover scraps, the Innkeeper stops him before he leaves, giving him a few extra supplies for the long journey, as she can tell he doesn't have much. He packs up and sets out onto the road once again, crumpled sketchy map in hand...
He has a fairly uneventful journey for the first day - waving at the occasional other travelers as they pass, cleaning his boots in a nearby pond, stopping to eat some dumplings whilst watching the sunset, and finally setting up a small tent a short ways off the main path, resting with his cat by a dim campfire until they both fall asleep......
The second day, however, does not start as smoothly.. Only a few hours further down the road, he's met with a large barricade, guarded by a group of what seems like elven soldiers from one of the larger surrounding cities of the area. Practicing his confidence, he puts on his best "brave face" (which to others, appears more as some sort of pained wince, like he might have something in his eye), shakily striding right up to the authority figures he is definitely not afraid of.
"Halt, traveler! You cannot pass."
He sways slightly, struggling to keep his wobbly legs under control, "OH, y-yEAH, ssorry, I was-, hh, I was just walking, ~o-out for a stroooll~, haha, so I .. uh.. o-okay. That's.. okay. But, uh.. could, can.. euh.. C-can I ask why? like... why the, uh... blocking off.. of ... the um.. the-"
"Unfortunately, we are not at liberty to disclose any information on the nature of this current road closure. Our sole duty is to maintain security of the barrier."
"hhHeh, ye.. eAh, for sure, I-I get that.. Duty is.. really so... important in ... today's world.. gotta, um.. do the duties.. or, uh.. .. yeah, but.. so, uhhh... wh-Do you know.. maybe, uh... H-how long you'll, like... be here? guarding... and such...??"
"We'll be here as long as we need to be here."
"...O-okay.. but, like.. uh... any,,.... time estimate? hahahehhh?? like, uh.. a day, or... two, or um...??"
"This matter does not concern you, traveler. Move along."
"Aoh, yeahgh, I.. totally.. totally.. it, uh.. Well.. but it kind of does though,, right? B-because I do, in fact, actually have to go down that road at some p-point sssoo, um,... uh.. I-"
"I said move along."
The guard abruptly takes a step forward, causing The Adventurer to yelp as if he'd been hit, tripping over his own feet and scrambling off on hands and knees, lunging into bushes near the rocky roadside.. After exchanging a confused glance, the guards both shrug, resuming their stoic positions at the barrier.
The Adventurer watches from the uncomfortable safety of some berry brambles, surveying the area at a distance and desperately trying to work out how he can still get where he's trying to go. The map given to him by the Innkeeper is pretty straightforward, not showing alternate paths. Based on his primary map, he could maybe think of a few detours, but he's anxiously unfamiliar with the area... How should he proceed?
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Additional Details - (I decided whenever he gets new items or goals or something, I'll list them at the end just to keep track)
items + to inventory (from the Innkeeper): 2 lunchboxes of vegetable dumplings, 2 canteens of water, a box of tea, one rope, 1 pouch of dried meat, 4 candles, a hand-drawn map
main goal: get to the abandoned castle ruins to see the rare animal specialist about the egg
#paventure posting#polls#choose your own adventure#SORRY this took so long. I still want to do this daily or every other day lol. I just had a lot going on the past few days#the story tidbit of this one is slightly longer again because you need spaces to break up dialogue and etc. but much shorter#than the other one still and pretty concise. I tried to leave out a lot of detail and just give the bare minimum again lol#Hopefully his speaking style isn't too grating also ghbjhb.. I'm more familiar with writing dialogue for like.. people to say out loud so#to me I'm always trying to hear it in my head and write eveything exactly how it would be spoken. and to me it sounds fine#if you act it in the exact voice I'm envisioning and have a distinct speaking style where you pause or drag#out words in a specific way - like with particualr cadence and comedic timing - it sounds fine#I'm just not sure if that translates to text as well lol#But he doesn't actually talk often. the past two times have been exceptions since he keeps running into people#And he'll have to talk if he ever actally makes it to the Innkeeper's brother. But most obstacles on the road#are probably prettyy easily dialogue free#ANYWAY...#Love his dramatics.. Imagine if you just take one step towards someone and they scream and throw themselves#onto the ground and run away gjhhjbj#the cat just leisurely trotting over to catch up with him because they're not actually scared#anyway.. ! day 7.. that's like a whole week! except it's been over a week since sometimes it takes me like 2 days lol
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“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard
#if only this song came out like 6 years ago lol#i’m also nearing the end of season 2 of my free! rewatch and gosh haru’s conflict hits closer to home than ever#and idk if i’m just getting more emotional lately but makoto and haru’s fight in ep 11 deadass made me tear up#when will i stop relating to teenagers real or fictional lmao#part of me wishes i was still a teenager just because being a teenager would explain my sense of purposelessness in everything i do#like taking things one day at a time with a blurry future on a road leading to nowhere#but others having high expectations from you and being sad seeing you so lost#but you just don’t want to let go of what you have now#you don’t want to box your passions in what other people want from you#and going back to the lyrics of the song#you feel like there’s not much you can offer anymore ‘cause you were a ‘gifted’ kid and now you’re just an ordinary person#whose gone complacent to the disappointment of everyone who wants to see you succeed but you feel you don’t have it in you#so again you’re just floating through life trying to enjoy the blessings each day brings again with no clear goal#anyway idk what i’m writing#at the same time i’m glad i’m not a teenager anymore ‘cause that shit sucked#but being a grown adult sucks ass too#i know there doesn’t need to be any purpose in life but#i feel like things’ll be easier if i did have a dream#guess i need a best friend to take me to another country or something to inspire me or something#in other words i’m about to watch one of my fave free eps where rin and haru go to australia#anyway i’m rambling#michi yaps
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anyway i had this WIP i was writing about a guy who had just gotten out of the hospital for a suicide attempt and his parents sent him to spend the summer For His Consumptions at his childhood home in AC (well, ventnor, but same diff) and he met another boy, an orthodox boy, who he finds out is actually a sheyd and was the victim of antisemitic attacks in like 1949 or some shit (to show antisemitism certainly didn't fucking start and end with shoah)
but i'm riding the bluegrass high of songbirds and snakes and feeling unusually fond of my pine barrens roots and now i think i might move it to the aforementioned pine barrens (read: my own childhood home) because what's more chilling than meeting a perpetually soaking wet and freezing uncanny-as-fuck sheyd who's been walking the pitch-black swampland for the past sixty years devoid of any purpose just thousand-yard-staring twentyfour-sev. and also what's more gay than a boy who grew up there coming back and meeting him and keeping that sheyd close to him no matter how fucking horrifying he is
#'it's seventy years actually' I Know. this would be set in the past#im such a city bitch no one would ever guess my origins are some real yellowjackets shit#to this day im still fuckin terrified of the woods even tho i grew up in them that shit is ancient and... not evil but like. amoral#the wilderness is very definitely alive and it scares me to bits#aughhh i do wanna visit tho. and take kota and josh. show em the river and where i went crabbing.#show em the road that deadass disappears into the bay. like a whole fucking street just keeps going and keeps going. into the bay#there's so much raw energy in those woods it is the scariest shit imaginable but there's something satisfying about being from such a place#anyway. hmmm. wip thoughts
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My goal is to give everyone that follows me /or even looks at my posts/ whiplash in the tags.
#heLLO PESANTS.#once again the sea calls out to me whispering sweet nothings into my ear that sound a lot like WOOOSH WOOSH WOOOSH yes i listen i wait#and slowly i become numb growing ever closer to that sweet state of empty bliss where my mind collapses in on itself#where reality bends and shapes and warps like the tides before me collapsing in around my every waking moment#while i disassociate into a world that actually loved me and the waves collide into my very being at last i am home i am amoung the dead#weaping souls of styx lf the forgotten of the sea under the sea the fish forever encased in layers of salt and rock#preserved fine beings let me rest amoung them let me weep so my salty tears may add to the ever growing toxic ocean of wich only the most#unique of crustations survive and thrive#i wish to see beyond the lids of the unknowing and forgotten beings staring up at an endless ocean never seeing the surface always watching#light beams dance far far abouve until the fractured particles leave in pinks and oranges#dropping off into an ethereal deep blue#and finally those gorgeous beams of pale moonlight drifting deeper than any sun beam can penetrate#lighting up the ocean in bioluminescent glory#take me home#country road#to the place#i belong#pinned post
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Thank you, younger me, for drawing so many things in which the lines were never quite right. It is quite literally the only reason I ever figured out how to get them right.
#And I imagine future me will have a very similar thing to say when I am them and they are no longer me.#original#something about zyr improved composition and speed hopefully#i keep wanting to use she pronouns for future me. probably bc that is what i do for past me sometimes.#but i really don't think I'm ever going to want she her pronouns again#I still don't get my lines exactly how I want them a lot of the time but I am at a point where I'm fairly confident I can#produce nearly anything I see in my head and capture the spirit of it in a way that makes me proud.#even if it takes a really really long time sometimes.#and although I don't think the art I made growing up was bad i love the phrase#' the road to good art is paved with bad art.' I think I saw it in a video by Bobby Chiu? idk.#and I like it because whenever I'm not sure about what I'm making and I get to insecure or perfectionist about it#*too insecure#I remember that if I want to get good at the thing I'm struggling with I'm going to have to do it poorly or just okay a bunch of times#and that doing this is my ticket to this skill I'm placing value on. also doesn't hurt that Im drawing things I love and I enjoy doing it#although at this point I really really should just sit down and study leg muscles for like a hundred years#it's one of the more longstanding blindspots of mine. that and literally everything that is not people.#as in locations animals objects scenery... did you know that most graphic novels have some or all of those things???#how homophobic that in order to show my characters experiencing such luxuries as plot action and context I couldn't just#drop them on a gradient and be done with it!#I've been drawing for like 20 years and only a couple years ago was i like... OH MY GOD I CAN'T DRAW A FUCKING TREE
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full offence but wanting domestic matches to be played in a different country is fucking insane and you need professional help if you genuinely want that
#“american round” “play the final in saudi” “rotation of hosts” i hope you all choke#It genuinely makes me so angry i cant even be eloquent about it#At no point have i ever watched any domestic sport and thought “do you know what would make this better? taking it on the road!”#fucking delusional!!!#and its not even “well you live where they play so ofc you dont want to share”#bc if afl suddenly decided to start hosting rounds in england id be mad about that too!#fuck i even think its fucking ludicrous that mlb and nfl host rounds abroad#not everything has to be a travelling circus act jesus fucking christ is nothing sacred anymore#its bad enough that certain european comps dont even stop at european countries and teams have to travel insane hours for it#anyway im done now#im very much in a mood LOL
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