#whenthedarknesswillnotlift

[risingoutoftheseashes]

When the Clouds Do Not Lift

This month is suicide awareness month. If you did not know, suicide is now the 10th leading cause of death in America. In my teenage years, I dealt with the battles that come with anxiety & depression, and fighting off suicidal thoughts. Enduring my parents divorce & custody battle, as well as all of the stresses that come with being a teenager, took a real toll on me. It was one of the darkest periods of my life. I sunk into a deep depression as month followed month. My mere existence followed the pattern of attending school, to return home to sleep my sadness away. This was my existence. And for a long time, I felt as though the dark cloud would never lift. Life had lost its color; food it’s taste. God felt so distant. Although I never did anything to physically harm myself and take my own life, the thought crossed my mind many times. Moving to a college that was far away from everything that caused me pain became my escape; my “heaven”.

During that dark time, my high school teachers took notice and informed my parents when I seemed withdrawn, and not like my “usual self.” It would have been easy for them to brush it off as a case of the teenage woes . But they didn’t. Now being a high school teacher, I find myself on constant alert (almost too much so) to check in with my students and see how they’re really doing, and if there’s anything I can do to help with the teenage woes. It may be in the form of modifying a homework assignment, or having a 5-minute conversation. But every word matters. Every action makes a difference.

I don’t know if you’ve known anyone who’s ever struggled with anxiety and/or depression, or has had suicidal thoughts. Maybe it’s a friend. A family member. A student. Or maybe it’s even you. But know this-suicide is never the answer. It’s never too late to reach out. One phone call, one “I care about you”, can make a difference. Let people know you care. And more importantly, God does.

Charles Spurgeon, the “Prince of Preachers”, dealt with depression. He once said in a sermon, “My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for”. And I can empathize. In this fallen world, I still battle depression to this day. It is not as heavy, nor as frequent. And it is not always with cause. It varies; like the waves of the ocean ebb and flow. But every now & then it will come, and I find that I must preach the good news to myself. The sadness may not lift immediately. But unlike before, I know that the Lord is not distant; He is indeed near, and sees every tear, hears every cry. And on the day that Jesus returns, He will make all things right. This dark cloud will lift, and “He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the LORD has spoken.” (Isaiah 25:8)

And I hope that on that day I will have an unending smile upon my face, and be found with those that say, “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the LORD; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation." (Isaiah 25:9)

And that makes all the difference.