#when your trauma make you hyper and a risk taker you see the big boss and go

[relax-and-read-on]

absolutely adoring your Konrad takes

Hahaha oh BOY im gonna use this as an excuse to babble about my favorite murder hobbo and sexuality.

I Love Konrad. I adore him. He's 100% my fav. I love him, and his sons, and his horribly shitty bat armour. God they are so ugly it goes right back to being funny.

I know that this is warhammer and that people care more about "where are the ammo clip" than the deep psychology of your fav, but shit, i do, and I have some THOUGHT.

Konrad grew up alone. He never had anyone actually care for him as a child. He was a homeless, nameless orphan, eating rats and corpse. He only survived by virtue of being a primarch full of instinct. If kids aren't properly socialised in early childhood, it develop a TON of issues for them (*Pointed look at Lion in the corner*). Anyway, at least Konrad had exposure to humans around him. The problem was, it was the happy fun criminals of Nostramo. I know a lot of people go "he was a primarch, he could probably take them when he was 4", but I call bullshit. In part because, at that early age, he probably craved human contact desperately. Babys are trusting. They *want* to be loved. That's how humans work.

What im getting at, is that Konrad was definitely, 100%, irrevocably, abused by criminals as a very young child. In the very bad no no way. That kind of abuse is also what probably lead to his mind splitting in with the Night Haunter, because Did is mostly caused by extreme abuse in early childhood. Poor Konrad, who was never touched of loved, and when it finally happen, it's only to brake and hurt him.

Now all that is fun, but as an adult, how does that bombs of trauma translate??? Weeeeell~! It's a mess!! On one hand, you have Konrad, who DO wants to do good. Yes, I know we always think of him as our favorite murder hobo who roll around in guts, but like. He wanted Justice. He wanted peace. He wanted people to be SAFE. Isn't that noble as fuck?? Doesn't that seem to you like the crooked wish of a survivor wanting others to never have to endure what he went through?? I think that, because of those facts, his baseline is being sex repulsed. He has just seen/experienced so much abuse and disgusting things, sex means nothing to him anymore. It's a power thing and he has no desire for it.

Than big E show up and goes "HEY LET'S WEAPONIZED YOUR TRAUMA SON" because he's a bastard.

And he has to be violent. And dangerous. And also discover a new world beyond the star, were some people actually love each others and are nice. He has to deal with motherfucking Fulgrim, who hug him and call him little brother and smile at him and very clearly sleep around and fully enjoy it, no pain at all. Poor Konrad. He cannot handle this at all. And ofc, the only person who realise this is Good ol' madlad Sevatar, aka "best fucking character in 40k, I accept no one else". Sevatar has a lot of similar trauma than Konrad, but instead of wanting to destroy any potential abuser or trigger, he just roll around in it and decide that you can't be traumatized if you never ever think about it. Charge ahead ayooo.

So ofc Sevatar get to Konrad, see him upset because his boss/dad walked in of Fulgrim enjoying heads or something, and goes "lmao I can suck u off too" wich probably earn him a beating. Except he take it sexually, wich weird out Konrad even more. Then he still probably still get sucked, because Sevatar aint a quitter.

And that's how the weirdest relationship ever in 40k start. Sometime Konrad wants to punish. Sometime he wants to be punished. He wants to hurt and then he wants to BE hurt the only person that seem to fully get it it is Sevatar, who happily and loudly goes along with everything. They show up the next day both looking like they had a fight with cave bear and missing some chunk of meat, and Konrad may not be saner, but at least he's getting some. It's 100% not romantic, he does not do that, he doesn't understand that. Sevatar like to jokingly call him "Daddy" if someone ask. He get punched into the face every time.

That's basically it! Wow that's a lot of ramble. Well, ok, he also probably after had a fling with Fulgrim, because everyone has, and probably slept with Dorn a few times before it became too weird. And there is the entire ~Thing~ with Vulkan but that's like, another giant rambly post entirely.