#when what they really meant was 'i love you but i can't say it'

[atlas-of-andromeda]

*sucks in deep breathe through teeth* Alright I guess I'm doing this.

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

No.

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Been a while. Can't really say. If we're only counting times I've meant it then I'm not sure I've ever.

03: Do you regret anything?

I've made mistakes, but none of them detrimental enough for me to regret them.

04: Are you insecure?

Yes.

05: What is your relationship status?

Single. Hopefully it will remain like that

06: How do you want to die?

Explosion. I don't know specifics I just want to be able to tell people in the afterlife 'I went off with a bang!'

07: What did you last eat?

Chocolate bar.

08: Played any sports?

I'm presuming that we're ignoring sports I've been forced to play in school. But other than that... is chess a sport?

09: Do you bite your nails?

Yeah. Pretty frequently too.

10: When was your last physical fight?

When I was like eight. Some six year old started randomly throwing very weak punches at me, so I threw a few back.

11: Do you like someone?

No. Hopefully I never will.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yeah. Once, and I got close to it a couple other times.

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

I hate most people. Humans suck.

14: Do you miss someone?

My friend who's too busy with school to talk.

15: Have any pets?

Unfortunately not.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Tired.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

No!?

18: Are you scared of spiders?

A bit. Less so of looking at spiders, and more so just knowing there's a spider in my presence.

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

No. I don't think I would.

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

I haven't done that before, and I'd rather not.

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

Try and finish TMA.

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

FUCK NO.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

Sounds painful. No.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Science, probably.

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

No.

26: What are you craving right now?

In terms of food? And meat, nothing specific. Non-food? Physical affection.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Potentially? I've rejected enough guys to have probably broken at least one of their hearts.

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Never been in a relationship.

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Never been in a relationship.

30: What’s irritating you right now?

So many of these questions involving something romantic or sexual. I'm aroace and it's infuriating.

31: Does somebody love you?

Couldn't tell you.

32: What is your favourite color?

Red.

33: Do you have trust issues?

A bit.

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

I think gnomes were involved?

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Can't remember.

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

No.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Forgetting is easier. Mainly because my memory is shit and I hold grudges.

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Not by a long shot.

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

FOR FUCK'S SAKE. REFER TO QUESTION 30.

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

No?

51: Favourite food?

Bacon.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

No.

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Scroll Tumblr.

54: Is cheating ever okay?

Cheating as in infidelity? If the relationship in question is unhealthy and non-consensual, yes. Otherwise, no. Cheating as in violating academic integrity? Yeah it's fine.

55: Are you mean?

A bit?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

One.

57: Do you believe in true love?

No. Love is dead.

58: Favourite weather?

Fog. Cold fog.

59: Do you like the snow?

Yes.

60: Do you wanna get married?

NO WAY IN HELL.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

No?

62: What makes you happy?

My bed.

63: Would you change your name?

I have plans to! Transgenderism, baby!

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

30.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I'm pretty sure he does, I just ignore it.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

No.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My father.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I don't have those.

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

No. Love is dead.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

No.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[neeeooon]

heyyy can you do blue lock guys with reader who adjusts with any situation without complaints or making demands because reader thinks they don't deserve their love? For example, if the guys cancel dates, forget an important date or can't make enough time for them. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say lolol 😭

okay i think i got it but i struggled a bit so if not pls lmk 😭🙏 thank you for the request!

when you go with the flow ;

bf bllk x gn!reader

itoshi sae

-> “where are you going?” “out. i’ll be back later. do you need something?” “… no, i’m good. have fun!”

-> you shouldn’t be surprised that sae forgot your anniversary, but it still hurt

-> sae appears at your door an hour later with flowers and a wary smile. “… i’m sorry i forgot our anniversary. i know it’s late notice, but can i still take you to dinner?”

yukimiya kenyu

-> “i can cancel, y/n, i don’t mind—“ “no, don’t cancel! we can go out some other time.”

-> you were not about to let your boyfriend miss a doctor’s appointment, even if it meant having to cancel your date

-> you didn’t mind waiting, but kenyu suddenly grabbed your hand and pulled you to your feet. “do you want to come with me?” you smile was genuine as you said, “yes.”

barou shouei

-> “i’m sorry, y/n. maybe next week?” “that’s okay! really, i don’t mind :)”

-> you do mind. you just refuse to complain about it to barou because you feel unworthy of his love

-> thankfully, he’s not an idiot. “no, it’s not okay. i promised you we’d go out today, so we’re going out today.” “i really don’t mind waiting—“ “they can wait.” “… okay <3”

kiyora jin

-> “is it okay if we hang out next week instead?” “… sure! everything okay?” “yeah, just dance stuff. i’ll text you.”

-> you were used to getting blown off like this, but you didn’t mind. just getting to call kiyora your boyfriend was enough for you

-> the next time he had practice, you didn’t ask where he was going. “y/n?” “yeah?” “… do you want to come with me?” you try to keep your excitement contained. “yeah!”

nagi seishiro

-> “i’m tired. can we call instead?”

-> you sighed but responded that it was fine. nagi sent back a simple “:)” and the date ended there

-> on your call, you were listening to nagi talk about his game when he suddenly got quiet. “… does it hurt your feelings when i’m tired?” “sometimes? but there are times where i feel like i don’t deserve you, so even this is enough for me :)” “… okay.”

[impish-baby]

More dad survivor x zombie reader + an old friend :) (tw: dead animal, guns, emetophobia, threats of harm)

"Aw, sugar.." The dead bird is the farthest thing from appetizing but you look so darn happy offering it to him, how's he supposed to say no?

"You're the sweetest, daddy will eat it later, ok?" That at least seems to be satisfactory enough for now, as you drop the poor thing down onto the park table.

The playground has long been abandoned, left in disarray since the apocalypse hit, that doesnt stop Hank from finding it absolutely adorable when you try to climb up a slide. Nearly gives him a heart attack though.

"Baby, come on, you're gonna hurt yourself." He wonders if you remember being little and playing here, your memory isn't the best when it comes to some things but you sure seem to recall what it takes to give him gray hairs. "I know you think it's fun, but your old man really couldn't handle it if you got scratched up while you're messing around."

You get hurt so easily now a days, he's basically toddler proofed the house all over again and yet you still find a way to bang yourself up when he's not around, that's why he's taken to tying you up when he can't keep an eye on you.

When you do finally decide to slide back down, Hank immediately sweeps you up into his arms with a soft chuckle. "Alright, alright, I think you've had enough outside time for today, we should be headin' home."

It would've been a good day, a great one even, if he didn't catch the glittering of a silver barrel from the corner of his eye.

"Shit-" Hank has never been more greatful that he was holding you, because you lunge automatically for the stranger and likewise closer to the gun. "No, sweetheart, shhh..shh..calm down.." God, he'd love it if you listened, it's hard to pull out his own pistol while trying to wrangle you into staying put.

Other survivors aren't very common in town, most people left after the first few months.

"You gonna let that thing go so I can shoot it?" He recognizes that voice, and it makes Hank's heart sink into a pit in his stomach. "I ain't.. Hank?" A familiar face is rare, a friendly familiar face is nearly unheard of.

"Don't shoot, don't shoot, just step back for a minute, alright?" When Hank glances over, he wasn't expecting Bo to be emptying his stomach onto the cement.

"I- Fuck-" The man retches again, dryheaving. "You.. God, the kid.." An honorary uncle, Bo knew you since the day you where born, he didn't see the day that was meant to be your last.

"I know," You stopped struggling once you heard his voice, eyes wide as you simply whine to be let down. "You're gonna have to wait, be patient, hun." That never was your strong suit. "The grown ups need to talk."

"Hank.. man, you gotta let them go.." There's tears in Bo's eyes as he takes a cautious step forward. "They're dead. There aren't any ifs or buts, that's a corpse. You can't-"

"That is my child," He's been a sinner for a long time, if it comes down to it, shooting his brother will be one of his worst. "My baby, what kind of father am I to hurt them?"

"A merciful one!" There are days you wake up confused and scared, you cry for hours or at least your body tries to. "They aren't a person anymore, Hank, they aren't themselves. You're fucking lucky they haven't bitten you yet!"

"I'd welcome it if they did." He's thought about it, that first night when you went cold in his arms and many more after that. "You pull that trigger and that's it, a life without my kid isn't worth living."

"Dammit," Hank almost collapses in relief as the gun is holstered, putting his away as well. "You're still an idiot, huh? Figures.."

Bo approaches slowly, never taking his eyes off your still form. All you do is smile and try to reach out for a hug, but he cringes away with a look of disgust.

Hank's heart breaks as you tuck your teary face against his neck. He doesn't know how to explain in a way you'd still understand, all he can is press a kiss to your forehead and shush your sniffles.

[bladeafterdark]

You asked I'll deliver a lot of this is gonna be what I wish I had and what I'm hoping for in the future but I am actively working on it now too

Im aromantic but not romance repulsed I wanna have someone (or someones cause I'm also Poly) who I cuddle with who I do kink with platonically who I put before most people simply because we're very close because we're really really good friends and I love them in a queer platonic manner But when I say queer platonic i dont mean a monogamous vanilla relationship (no hate to those that do) I mean Poly I mean Kinky and weird I mean is this a friendship? and most people would tell you no because it's too close to be "Just friends" The societal expectations around "just friends" and the idea of that is so belittling to the way that I love people. if I get to know you and get connected to you it's going to be a queer platonic relationship! I can't just platonically love somebody but I am in no way romantically loving somebody either it's a beautiful mash of the two and something else I cant even explain but I'll try. I'm still going to want to know your medical history to keep you safe know where your spoons are in your kitchen know how to feed your pets and and clean your house sometimes when I'm over because I know where everything is and I know that you're having a rough day and I love you you're my friend that's just what I do I had a friendship that had these elements in it and these 2 were together and neither of them liked mustard but I hung out with them so frequently and was such a good friend with them that they kept mustard in their refrigerator FOR me

I tried to explain it but I don't think either of them ever really understood how much that IS love to me that is the closest I ever want to get to romantic love

And so when we weren't friends anymore even though things had only ever been platonic and then my queer version of platonic it has felt like a breakup

And on the Ace part kink is sex to me genitals don't have to mash for that to be a thing but I would still do that too not because I am feeling sexual attraction but because it's a thing that I think could be fun to do with a person occasionally and or because they would like to not because I'm feeling the attraction about it so as far as I concerned I'm still Ace anyway I hope this is what you meant and I hope this helped but I promise you OP people are out here doing it like that it's fun

Im sorry but being aromantic and/or asexual is such a beautiful, complex identity that opens up almost endless possibilities and interpretations about sex and romance and relationships and struggles within those,

and i will always absolutely LOATHE how both the outside and the aro/ace community itself have boiled these identities down to just "doesnt have sex" and "doesnt date"

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

OKAY this was initially meant to be for the wolfstarmicrofic prompt unrequited (10th Feb), but then I got too into it, it's well over 1,000 words, and I gave it a day to figure out how to end it. It's now a oneshot that doesn't currently have a name (bear with I'll figure out what to call it haha)

Remus is in love with Sirius.

Everybody knows it. His friends, most of the students, the teachers, even Sirius himself. After one drunken confession that involved a lot of him crying and apologising, and Sirius pulling him into a hug to assure him over and over that it doesn't change anything between them, Remus has reached a pretty solid conclusion.

Sirius doesn't love him.

In all honesty, it's exactly what he had expected, and why he'd kept it a secret for as long as he had. Thankfully, Sirius wasn't lying when he said it wouldn't change anything. If anything, Remus has felt a hell of a lot lighter since everything happened. Sure, all of his friends know that he's hopelessly head over heels for his best friend, and that it's embarrassingly one sided, but none of them are judging him for it. They're all being really nice about everything. It's gotten to the point that Remus can make jokes about it and have his friends laughing, rather than halfheartedly trying to conceal their pity. It's a welcome relief, even if he still spends an unhealthy amount of time crying with his curtains closed around his bed.

Still, peaks and valleys.

Everything feels a little lighter than it did before and, hey, at least he knows where everybody stands now.

Well, he thought he did.

As it turns out, all it takes is a poorly timed joke to flip Remus' world on its head.

He's just chatting with Mary, walking back from class. In all honesty, he'd thought that his friendship with them would be ruined after they found out that he's in love with their ex, but honestly? It feels like they've gotten much closer since the whole thing came to light.

As the two of them get into the common room, it's as though Sirius just... appears in front of them. He makes Remus jump a mile, much to Mary's amusement.

"Hi. Hey. Could I, er... could I talk to you about something?" Remus watches Sirius' brow furrow in that way of his, and he knows that he's going to say yes. The ominous implications of needing to talk make him feel a little bit sick, really, but he's not going to say no to Sirius. He can't bring himself to do it. Especially not when he seems so... nervous.

"'Course." He turns to Mary. "See you around?" They nod, before turning to Sirius.

"Meadowes." Sirius nods at them.

"Black. Listen, hurt his feelings and I'll do something Azkaban worthy." They jab a finger at his chest, and everyone knows that they're not joking.

"Got it," he says, quickly raising his hands. They release him, then, shooting Remus a kind smile before disappearing upstairs. Sirius turns to Remus, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Remus says, shrugging sheepishly. "They're still in the whole... feeling sorry for me phase."

"Ah. Right." The two of them start to walk up to the dorm together.

"It'll pass," Remus says gently, not missing Sirius' sudden uncertainty. "Everyone was like that at first, remember?"

"Yeah," Sirius nods. "Merlin, it was a sad few weeks, wasn't it?"

"Well, unrequited love is terribly depressing," Remus quips, hoping to draw a smile out of Sirius. Instead, Sirius gets into the dorm with clenched fists. He stops in his tracks, unclenching his hands and pressing the heel of his palm to his eye. He isn't facing Remus but, based on the shaking of his shoulders, Remus can tell that he's fighting tears. "Hey, what's...?" Sirius crumbles, burying his head in his hands and outright refusing to turn around. "Sirius... hey, c'mere."

He quickly moves in front of Sirius and pulls him into a hug without really thinking, hoping that he can hold him through whatever crisis is going on in his head. Thankfully, Sirius relaxes into the hug, tension leaving his body as he cries into Remus' shoulder.

"I'm- I'm so sorry," Sirius gets out, slightly muffled in Remus' shoulder.

"Sorry for what?" Remus asks softly, confused. "Last time I checked, you haven't done anything wrong."

"I- Moony, I'm- awful, I'm so awful." He holds Remus a little tighter, as Remus tries his level best to figure out what's going on.

"You're not awful," he says simply, firmly, hoping that it's enough to at least slightly dispel the panic that seems to be gripping at Sirius.

"I am. Fuck, I really am. I- I don't want to- I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me," Remus answers, even more confused than he was before. Sirius untangles himself from the hug, quickly wiping his eyes and taking a deep breath. "What's going on?"

"Remus, I- I don't know how to say it."

"Whatever it is," Remus starts slowly, carefully, "I promise I won't be pissed off."

"...You will be," Sirius says quietly. Remus practically wants to shake him, tell him that there's literally nothing that he could do that would anger him.

"I promise you," he says again, as Sirius looks up and meets his eyes. "I won't be." Sirius nods, taking a deep breath.

"I... well, Remus, I- I'm..." He stops himself, screwing his eyes shut. "I'm in love with you," he exhales in a rush, and-

What?

Remus' eyes widen, as Sirius chances a glance at him. For a second, Remus can't actually think. Every thought seems to have run out of his brain, his voice dying out, anything other than shock bolting from his system.

"I- I think I have been for a while, I just... I don't know, I was so scared. Hell, I still am pretty scared," he says with an empty laugh. "I just... I'd been pushing down this part of me for so long, I don't think I was thinking about how I actually felt when you... I was more thinking about making sure you knew that I didn't want to stop being around you. I mean... it took me until a few weeks back to even start thinking about what I want, which... it isn't fair on you, Rem, and-"

"You love me?"

"...yeah."

"You're in love with me."

"Yeah."

"This isn't a joke, is it?" He asks suddenly.

"What? No! No, it's not a joke."

"Because it's not funny."

"No, it's not funny. It's not a joke."

For a second, they just look at each other, both boys desperate to find something to say.

The issue is, no words are coming to Remus' head.

He needs to do something, though. He can't just leave Sirius standing here after that. Honestly, a big part of him feels like this is all just a dream, one that he's about to wake up from and mourn for a long time. There's no way that Sirius...

Fuck.

Sirius loves him.

This whole time, Sirius has loved him. He feels like he should be somewhat frustrated, after all of the time spent heartbroken, but he can't bring himself to be. Not at Sirius.

Eventually, Remus reaches his limit with the silence. He can't take just standing here with what he knows now. Words clearly aren't an option anymore, so Remus opts for the easiest option.

He pulls Sirius in by the jacket and kisses him.

After the initial surprise, Sirius positively melts. His hands reach out and cup Remus' face, as Remus winds his free arm around Sirius' waist and tries to tell himself that he isn't dreaming. This is real. Sirius right in front of him and tangible. Sirius kissing him like he's more important than oxygen.

Sirius kissing him.

After what feels all too short, both of them break apart, interrupted by the need to breathe. Remus wouldn't be able to fight the smile rapidly spreading across his face even if he wanted to. Thankfully, Sirius has a very similar smile infecting him.

"I love you," Remus says, watching Sirius blush more than he'd ever seen him blush before.

"I love you," he says back, and Remus gets the strongest urge to kiss him again.

Sirius beats him to it.

[damnfeelings09]

VALENTINE'S DAY COUNTDOWN

You're in love - Leon S. Kennedy x fem reader

Pairing: Leon S. Kennedy x female reader Tags: fluff, comfort, love, love, love, stablished relationship, memories, cheesy stuff. Word count: Prompt: you and Leon have been together for 10 years, yet every day still feels like the first. One day while Leon’s not home you find your old diary and find yourself reliving your love story. Notes: The tears/shivers/emotions I felt while writing this I can't compare to anything. I loved this one so much I'm totally writting one for Shadow just like this. It makes me very happy to be able to express my feelings and “relive” them even if only in this way, hopefully someday I and everyone will find a person who loves us just like in the books, until then I will keep pouring my heart in my writing.

The summer heat was present in your home. The sunlight reflected colorful flashes as they hit the window. The floor was littered with boxes, some marked with “fragile” others with “Leon stuff” but your attention was on the box with your name on it. In it you had found your childhood stuffed animal, pictures of your family, a few unused stickers and an old notebook. You recognized it perfectly, there was no way you could forget that beautiful blue notebook with green hearts that had been with you for so long. Having a diary sounded childish, but for you it was important to keep your memories somewhere safe and if you ever wanted to relive them you could do it. For more than half an hour you had been rereading all your witticisms, the stale jokes you made with yourself, the desires and goals you had set for yourself when you got to college. Almost halfway through the journal you found a sheet of paper with your name and Leon's name on it with a big heart around it. Of course you knew where that drawing was from, you had drawn it the first time you had seen Leon, turning the page you found the entry for that day:

02/02/1998

The University of Illinois is really nice! I am so excited to leave for the summer. Mom says she's not ready for me to leave home but she's secretly happy for me. We visited some stores, museums, but the best part of the trip was going to the Italian restaurant Olio e Piú. Our waiter was sooooo cute. His name is Leon Scott Kennedy, he is 21 years old and just finished the police academy, he said that being a waiter was only temporary while he was waiting for the draft to know where he would be sent. I almost fell out of my chair when I saw that on the bill was his number written. Of course I didn't waste a second and sent him a message on my way out of the restaurant. We are still here for 3 more days and he offered to show me around. I don't want to sound urgent but I think Ms. Kennedy sounds great.

You chuckled. Back then you were so love-struck and dreamy. Your younger self had so much faith in life, wanting to take it in hand, and besides, you were right about one thing, Ms. Kennedy sounded so good in you. You kept turning the pages until you found an important date, once again a heart adorned the page, this time only with Leon's name.

25/04/1998

I'm on my way to Ilinois again, I know, I know, you'll say I'm crazy, that we're going too fast because we've actually only been on 2 dates, but Leon and I text to each other every day. He understands me, laughs at my witticisms and I love his dad jokes. It may be soon but I would love for it to be him. I had to lie to my parents that I would be staying with my Aunt Sarah for the next 10 days, actually I will be staying with Leon, don't judge me, Aunt Sarah was the one who insisted on covering for me. I am very excited, Leon will pick me up at the bus station and take me to a special place. I'll tell you later how it went.

12:45 am

He asked me to be his girlfriend! There were candles, roses, strawberries and stars. I couldn't ask for anything more. I think I am in love with him.

At that moment you didn't really know what it meant to be in love, it wasn't just the butterflies fluttering in your stomach, it wasn't just the happiness of having him close to you or the excitement you felt every time you kissed him. Love was something very complicated to understand, even more to explain. It was like an invisible force that attracted you to him, altering all your senses, making you addicted to that feeling, excited, but at the same time it managed to keep the other emotions at bay, you felt protected, comfortable, whole.

11/29/1998

We had a fight. Leon told me he had to report to his new job in Raccon City, today! Today of all days. He knew how important it was to me that he come to this party with me and he didn't care. Right now he must be on his way or whatever. Idiot

06/29/2001

Leon is working. It’s almost been a year since the last time we saw each other and I don't know how long I can go on enduring it. It is unfair that all this has happened, stupid pharmaceuticals and their greed. If it wasn't for them we would be together now living in an apartment in Raccon City. I feel bad, I miss him so much, I miss his kisses and his kind smile, but I can't tell him. The last time I saw him his expression had changed, his eyes didn't look friendly anymore, they turned cold, he looked calculating, as if he was waiting for something to happen. I can't judge him, he has been through a lot, only the gods know how he is still in one piece after the massacre he lived through. I'm happy he's still with me, but I keep wondering if he's still the same Leon I fell in love with.

The Raccon City incident had changed the jovial, awkward, fun-loving Leon into a distant, apathetic, dry one. He had confided in you all that had happened, or at least a little more than the government had allowed him to say. He had cried in your shoulder lamenting for those people he had been unable to save, trying to justify his every action as self-defense. You had listened to him, wiped away his tears, stroked his back as he let it all out. You had shown him that no matter what had happened you loved him unconditionally, you had even encouraged him to take the job offered to him by the U.S. government assuring him that you would wait for him and you did.

11/11/2004

He came back. Three days ago, as I opened the door to take out the garbage, Leon was there, with his travel bag in hand and a bandage covering half of his right shoulder. I know he said he would, but part of me didn't believe it. The state he's in, gods, you don't know how I regret encouraging him take this job. Sometimes he wakes up screaming babbling about “the plagues”, when that happens he reaches for my chest, lies on me and holds his ear close to my heart, he says it calms him. I'm just glad he's back home with me, I don't know how or how long it will take but I'll help him put all his pieces back together, I love him, I can't stand seeing him like this.

When he left for spain, the fear of not knowing anything about his where abouts for almost a month was unbearable, then one day he shows up on your door. Beaten, bruised, tired, haggard and thinner than the last time you saw him, but alive, yes a few cuts and his shoulder bandaged but he was there. You couldn't help but run into his arms, he catches you in the air, and then both fell to the grass as you filled his face with kisses. The following days you took care of him, his nightmares were recurrent but your touch always managed to bring him back to the real world. The necklace you had given him before he left, a locket with his favorite picture of you and the phrase “Love, always” engraved on it, always in place, just like you did with yours, a small reminder of the love between you two.

05/06/2006

I said yes.

I can't believe it really happened. Seven years ago I dreamed it as I watched him clean the tables and today that dream came true. I know we are not perfect, I know Leon's line of work will keep him away from me more than I would like to, but I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I chose him long before I knew what would happen and even if I did back then I would do it all over again.

Leon recreated our first date, rented a cabin in Georgia, brought a blanket, a basket with candles, wine, glasses and strawberries. We sat under the stars and when I least expected it he got down on one knee in front of me, told me that I was the woman of his dreams, that he couldn't live without me even if he tried, that I was the only good thing in his crappy world, that all he thought about when he fought those B.O.W's was that he was making the world a little safer for me and that it didn't matter how many zombies he had to take down as long as he came home to me.

Of course I said yes. No matter what, he's the one.

You closed the diary, hugging it tightly, trying to push those memories into your heart again. Yes, things had been difficult, complex, sometimes the cost had been high, the tears, the anger and the loneliness had been more constant than you wanted to admit, but you wouldn't change any of it because somehow, the little piece of heaven seeing Leon's smile every time he came home, his scent enveloping your senses as he took you in his arms, was enough.

The sound of the door opening brought you back to reality.

“Hey honey, what you doing?” Leon said, putting down the bags he was carrying in his hands and walking towards you “I see someone got distracted and forgot to unpack” he laughed kissing you.

“You've no idea” you smiled intertwining your hands behind his neck, kissing him once more.

[padsmoony04]

I don't know if someone had done it, but if they had, PLEASE tag me! But I needed to share this little thought I had about a JasonTodd×Reader little angst to comfort that is inspired to the master piece that "Would you fall in love with me again" is.

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So what came to my mind was something in between the lines of...

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RobinJason met the reader on his first day of high school after being adopted by Bruce. And that they became friends, but with time, Jason developed a crush on the reader and clinche enough they started daiting time afterward (Yes, high school sweethearts, friends to lovers, what about it?).

Everything was so sweet, Jason being all cute and loving and chamirn, thinking that the reader was really the love of his life at his only sixteen years old or whatever. But then, oh disgrace, Joker and his crowbar show up, and Jason dies, then his hole classic lore.

After his resurrection and everything that happened from then on, stop him from seeing the reader cause he was scared. He knew she saw the news or what people think about Red Hood, about his methods. So what if when he showed himself and the reader hated him and disliked him so much for who he is now? What if they rejected him? No, his already fragile and broken heart wouldn't be able to take that pain. It would truly be his last straw. He couldn't do it.

But well, he's a naturally and emotional, touched starved man. So at the end, his heart can't take it anyone, he needs to go and see reader, at least to say goodbye properly (or that's what he tried to fool himself into believing) cause the reality was that a small part of him just hoped and wanted to see if they would even, by any chance, take him back.

So there he is, sneaking into her place late hours. He knew she was awake cause the small light of her bedside table was on. (And here comes the most obvious part that it shows is epic inspired.)

With shaky and sweaty hands, a now tall, full of muscles, scars, and more broken than ever, Jason Todd is standing in front of the person he always saw as the love of his life. His voice was small, almost scared, saying her name. Reader turned around, startled not believing her eyes. "Jason? Is it really you?" And just like the song or very similar everything starts to unfold. He wanted to say goodbye, but he also felt like falling on his knees and crying and asking for forgiveness even though he didn't do anything wrong, at least not towards them. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide, he wanted to kiss and hug them and tell them how much he missed them.

But apart of him, the insecure and broken part of him was stronger, so he just stood a few feet away and spilled it all, how, according to himself he wasn't the same boy they felt in love with, how much of a moster he was, how undeserving he was but even so, he couldn't help but asked, all bitterness and self-hatred he had inside, "Would you even fall in love with me again? If you knew all I've done. The things I can't undo, would you even love me the same?"

With emotions bubbling up and the need to just hold him tight and shower him with the love and put his pieces back together, they did just that. Reader moved forward, slow and careful steps, saying so gently and so reassuring how much Jason meant and means to her poor heart. Maybe he wasn't perfect. Maybe he had done things he didn't feel very proud of but found necessary. Maybe he wasn't that cheeky boy with his few scars and bruises with a hopeful look to life that Robin brought, and Joker took away. It didn't matter at the end, when he had them and they would love him, no matter what.

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ANYWAY, shitty ending, but that's the thought, if you are a writer and want and have the time and passion to take this rambling and turning into a masterpiece, feel free to do so.

Bye! ♡

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[sunrisecaminus]

Ollo :>

Could you do a femme seeker reader x Megatron?

The reader is Megatron’s Conjunx and has wanted a sparkling for a long time.

Unfortunately thanks to the war, things make life unsafe to try start a family.

Now, thanks to the nemesis, it’s the perfect time to ask.

The reader is shy about it a first, beating around the bush until she blurts “I want a sparkling”

Cut to Megatron’s breeding kink(if that makes you uncomfortable then that’s ok), being pounded into oblivion into his throne.

Megatron is on his 4th load of transfluids but will not stop until he is sure the reader is satisfied and full.

Thank u :>

Message - When I said you could be freaky, I meant it. No judgement here man. I gotchu!

Megatron x Seeker Reader NSFW

Summary - Seeker conjunx is starting to get really impatient about Megatron not getting her sparked.

Warnings - NSFW, Breeding Kink,

It has been so long sense you and Megatron talked to each other outside of work related things. You have had enough from all the battling at this point and just wanted to be free from all the Autobots for once. You needed air from General Starscream and his arrogance so when you got a scouting mission you knew this was a perfect opportunity to leave.

You have been flying for about 4 hours now, but you didn't want to land. The clouds and the sky were beautiful on this planet and you wanted to take it all in before you went back in that dark ship. Going over rivers, mountains, and even flew over to another state just to see new environment. You ground bridged to the ocean and had fun splashing your wings in the water while going 1,600 mph. You being one of the fastest seekers out there made Starscream jealous, but you didn't care. After landing yourself on a mountain cliff, dangling your legs over to watch the sea waves, you started to think about things you have been wanting. One of the first things that have come to mind was finally having a little sparkling of your own. Every time you try to bring it up to your conjunx, he would just think you are talking about something else. That man, even if he hates you saying it, was the most oblivious man ever. You have even tried FLIRTING, twitching your wings at him, doing some lovely romantic dances with him in the berth room, and even kissing him a few times while telling him about what they should do when the Decepticons wins once and for all. He will never get it! Seekers are very much known for not being down to earth and not saying exactly what is on their minds, so you aren't use to telling him exactly what you want. It would be embarrassing for you if you had to tell him "Hey lets have a sparkling!" You feel butterflies even thinking about telling him so bluntly.

Before the meeting you wanted to give him one last chance. You walk up from behind Megatron and gently grab his hips. "Boo~" You smile with a loving look as he turned over to you with his angry expression. Once he sees that it is you, his eyes soften and grab your servo, kissing your digits. "How are you dear." You blush a bit, but lovingly give him a boop on his chest. "I was wondering if you would like to go to the next level after the meeting, hmm?" This has to be the perfect hint you could give him. What else would this mean? This was giving "Fuck me alright" energy and your tone said so. Megatron smirks and you wait for something flirty like he always did…but than-. "Well of course. I will put you in charge of the fleet next battle. I knew you have been getting bored about staying in the back. We can talk about your role in the next phase soon. I just need to talk to the others about their newest reports." He lets go of your servo and walks off. Holy Scrap that blew the fuse in your mind. No…No…NO! He has to be doing this on purpose! Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons and yet is so blind that he can't even find a TANK IN A STORAGE CLOSET!!!

Someone is wanting to speak with you on your com link so you answer for them. "Hello?" Normally it would be Megatron or Starscream trying to reach you, but today it was surprisingly just another seeker. "Good Morning mam, please make your way back as a meeting is about to start in 2 hours." You were getting a bit annoyed about this, another meeting…really?! You thank them and end the call, transforming and going back to the ship. You land on the top to meet Starscream reading on a data pad, probably another report. Even if you don't want to admit it, you and Starscream are very close friends. He may be a bit of a baby, but you help him from getting hit by Megatron quite often and it got you two to get closure and talked more about things. "Hey Star, can I talk to you for a second?" You put a hand on your hip sassily. "Not now y/n I-" He interrupts himself when he looked up and saw you were pissed. He puts the data pad down on a table and turned his whole body to face you. "You ok?"

"No, so many things have been on my mind. I have told you before that I have always dreamed of having a sparkling to take care of for the next generation, but Megs won't even look at me in a loving way anymore and I haven't had a kiss from him in 12 years!" You were so frustrated, wanting to get everything off your chest finally and Starscream took a second to load all the information you just told him. "Well have you tried wing communication?" Ah, Starscream also thought Megatron would know such an important Seeker language. He has been known to control the entire Seeker army and for some reason doesn't even know a flying fuck about Seeker culture. "I have literally danced with him and we even were going to kiss…until he said he needed to talk to Soundwave and he would "Dance with me later". Like HELLO!" Your wings were down and twitched a bit in anger. Starscream rolled his eyes to give you a motion that he completely understands where you are coming from. "Oh please, he can't be that stupid. At this point just yell at him. Don't show anymore kindness to him about it anymore. He needs to realize that if he is dating someone from another background, he is going to have to learn a thing or two about who we are." Starscream just pats you on the shoulder and tells you that he will see you at the meeting and leaves. He was right about something…that mech needed to learn a lesson or two.

You didn't go to the meeting, you needed to show him that you didn't care about his order about being there. You didn't want to hear him speak right now and took your lovely time in the Berth Room you share with Megatron. He noticed immediately that you were not there. Genuinely he were very confused from seeing you just a few minutes before it started. After the meeting he noticed the Berth Room was occupied and he came in to see you cleaning your wings, looking out the window to see the lovely sunset. You looked to beautiful to him, your elegance and lovely plating shined from the light and your eyes were always nice to look at. "You weren't in the meeting." He was the exact opposite with you, down to earth and blunt with what he wanted to talk about. You turn to him with narrow eyes and an angry look, which made him understand that he fucked up in some way and shut the door. "You never got it, for years I have been trying to show you that I was ready…but you never seem to look at me like you use to." Oh did it piss you off when he raised his eyebrow at you in confusion. You just wanted to smack him. You kept talking. "You notice everything else. My needs, the things I love, my support for the cause. Whenever I want to give you a life we both can share, You never seem to turn my way!" Megatron stayed silent, waiting for you to finish, he knew you were upset about something so he let you continue to hopefully hear what you desired from him. He obeyed your wishes a lot, he never knew he was ignoring one that you deemed important. "I want a Sparkling. Your Sparkling!"

Oh boy, did he just get whiplash from that statement. Before the war he has been telling his conjunx about his dreams of him getting you sparked and being able to take care of their sparkling's together. Now Megatron feels like a dumbass…scrap this whole time you have been giving him everything to show him you were ready. His spike was already pressing against his panel, but he needed to know if you were still ready. "I apologize for the torture you must have been going through, sweetspark. Would y-" Before he could say anymore, you sit yourself on the berth and lower your wings in a cute position. "Get over here right now you fragger." Megatron didn't ask anymore questions and grabs you by the neck, forcing you down onto the bed and biting your arm. "Whatever you wish~" His panel pops and you see his spike is fully ready for you to use. He bites your neck and keeps your hips in a good hold as you pull your head back and moan from the pleasure that you are being given now. You wanted him so badly, but you needed him to work for it after what he put you through. Your wings twitch from how good you felt Megatron touching you after years of not interfacing. After a while, your pede presses against his spike, making Megatron stop what he was doing to groan from the pressure you just gave him. "ngnn y/n…" Smiling from what you just did, you push his chest to get him to be the one to lay down as you climb on top of him. You shove your aft in his face as you start to lick the base of his spike with your glossa. You hear Megatron moan a bit louder, but than your panel is opened and your valve starts to get licked. "Ah! Megs! You Aft!" You hiss from how slow he was going and stopped giving friction to his spike, which made him realize that you were going to be a bit of a brat if he didn't do what you wanted. He starts to eat you properly as you feel his glossa going into your walls. Finally feeling satisfied from your valve being used and takes in his whole spike after a few more licks. Both of you were in a daze, trying your best to pleasure each other without becoming a moaning mess.

You feel as Megatron was about to release and you stop, shutting his tip so he didn't drip anywhere and he hissed from being stopped. "You brat!" He growls at you as you turn around, putting your valve above his spike. That made him shut up before he could say anything else and holds your hips again, ready when you wanted to move. You smile, in love at looking at your conjunx's face and lowered yourself on his spike. He exhales from how warm and tight you were; your wings spread to their full wingspan as your walls stretch to make room for him. After a while of both of you trying not to move, you start to go up and down, staring into his optics with nothing but love. He smirks at how you look right now, you were such a mess. "Look at you, craving for my sparklings. They will all be yours." He tells you in a deeper tone, knowing you crave for his sexy voice again. You look up to the ceiling and start feeling like you were going to finally cum. "Megs-ah!" You grab his hands that were clenched around your waist as he claws at your plating, both of you releasing at the same time. You stay sat deep onto his spike, making sure none of his fluids leave your valve. You stay where you were as you finally were at peace with everything. Megatron lays you on his chest and hugs around your body, helping you feel safe after such a vulnerable event took place. "Another Round?" You smirk from him asking such a stupid question. "You don't even need to ask".

[kitsunexgari]

Summary: You need a lesson in obedience and In-ho is just the right man to teach it to you. Tags: Pain, Torture, Oral/blow jobs, Abuse, Objectification, Orgasm denial, humiliation, control, Sensory deprivation, Intense domination. Notes: I'm not even sure what I was thinking when I wrote this and well...I should be asleep so it's probably not that good but I tried. This story is meant for adult entertainment only.

Complete darkness all around you. It was how you woke up. It was startling. Typically in the dark, most types of darkness, there was always just enough of a light source that you could get a sense of your surroundings, maybe see something even if it was just a vague outline but this...here and now, it was just a void. No sounds either. Not even a ringing in your ears. You knew it had to just be a blindfold, a very good one, but that didn't help ease the terror. Your heart racing as you started to believe that maybe you were dead and this was the vast emptiness that came with eternity. You let out a low involuntary whine, one that only gets louder as you realize that you've been restrained somehow. Feels like metal shackles attached to your wrists as you lay there, your arms above your head on a cold, concrete floor.

Though you knew what this was you weren't sure if you wanted it or not. You were never sure. Every moment with him was a terrifying dance between life and death. It was addictive as much as it was repugnant. You hated yourself for how you craved him, how you missed him every time he vanished. You'd call his name at night when you fingered yourself to orgasm or used one of your toys. You'd plead with him mentally and say his name in your sleep but he answered to no one's commands. He took what he wanted when he wanted and now, once again, he had taken you.

Your body breaks into a sweat and you start to shiver with terror. You hear the sound of a door opening somewhere around you, but you can’t see anything. It’s still black, pitch black. You turned your head anyway, desperately trying to locate what direction that sound was coming from even though it’s completely useless as without sighed it seems to come from everywhere and nowhere. With one of your senses being completely gone, you feel as if you might just go insane.

"I can't see anything!" You scream fearfully, but he knows that and you know he’s aware of this as well. You know this has to be part of whatever sick little game he has intended for you. He knows depriving you of such luxuries is only torture with how you love to gaze into his eyes or admire his cock. How much it turns you on just seeing him. What joy it brings to you. He must be in a very bad mood. You feel a tongue slide up over your body, between your breasts, over your neck then cheek. It's wet, almost soaking, leaving a trail of saliva behind it.

"I know..." You hear his voice in your ear, a taunting chuckle soon follows, "Poor little princess can't see anything...maybe she won't ever see again..."

His dark tone and cruel voice provoke a sob from you, not just one of terror but arousal as well. You can now feel him between your legs and you are almost angry that he has left you no ability to see what he is doing. You feel his tongue on your cunt next, your dripping wet...aching cunt. The fear only fuels your arousal as it slips inside you. Tasting you and pleasuring you. Getting every area it can at once and more until you feel his mouth cover you.

Your eyes roll back in pleasure and you know you have no other choice but to take what he wants to give. He has owned you ever since the first time he decided he wanted to use you. You moan and wiggle under him as he continues the assault with his tongue. Wishing you could see him. That you weren't blind. The utter darkness seems to heighten the pleasure (as well as the fear) and you can feel his teeth against your skin, in the most tender of areas. Will he bite you? You don't know and you don't really think you care. 

Just as you reach the very edge of your orgasm almost ready to climax he retracts his tongue and pulls back completely. You scream in annoyance which only gets you a vicious slap to your cunt. It's still not nearly enough to allow you to cum. It only causes more pain and frustration. You can't do anything either even if you weren't restrained you'd still be completely blind.

"Master-"

"Oh you need to learn, Princess...you aren't in control. I've had more than enough of your shit..." he snarls into your ear, as you feel his hot breath on your skin. 

"But I didn't do anything!" You complain which is mostly true. You weren't bad...not really. Though he didn't like you playing with his cunt without permission and you had. How could you resist? He left you alone for so long you needed some type of release.

"I didn't do anything? I beg to differ." He replies because he knows just as well as you that you went against his rules. You flinch as you hear footsteps around you. Loud echoing footsteps. "You know exactly what you did. Time for you to learn the rules. Oh yes...if you want to belong to me and we know you do...then you must follow the rules."

"Please just-"

"What? Let you cum? What makes you think you deserve that?" He snaps. You know he's right and you don't really deserve it but you are already so close and this is torture. Your cunt throbs, drips, and aches for him. "Pleasure is a privilege here. Not a right."

"But-"

"But nothing!" He snaps. Suddenly the restraints release seemingly of their own accord. You gasp in surprise and move your arms down intending to try to get up even if you can't see a damn thing. "Stay down, Princess!" This isn't just a command, there's actually a shove. His large hand covers your face, shoving you back down to where you were. You mewl helplessly.

"In-ho-"

"Master..." he hisses, "and I don't want to hear another complaint from you. None. It's yes sir or nothing at all. You will do what I say from here on out or you can expect not to survive this encounter!"

"Yes, sir." You breathe knowing that you have no right to be as turned on as you are but being unable to avoid it.

"Now, let Master see how you play with that petty little cunt...what you can do so much better than him..." he commands.

"But I can't do it better than..."

"What did I just tell you?" He demands. There's immediate pain as if you were just lashed across the belly with a whip. You scream in pain and curl up rolling onto your side. Even despite all this your body is still aching for release and you know you need it.

"Yes sir, I remember, I'm sorry..." you gasp once you find your breath again. You feel his hands on you, roughly positioning you onto your back again. His hands then on your legs running up to your thighs to spread them lewdly and expose you to him. More footsteps, then his breath by your ear. You can feel it.

"Show me...what you can do...that's so much...better." He snarls in a breathy voice. You let out an involuntary sob as your hand slowly moves to your cunt. You wish you could see him and yet, at the same time you're thankful that you can't. This is humiliating enough.  Not that it matters, you can feel his eyes on you. Feel the shame. Know that this is horrible and you are just his dirty little trained slut. You will do what he wants and you will enjoy it. You always do.

Since you have no choice and you really do want to cum you start to work your fingers. Beginning with your clit, teasing it gently then more roughly. Forgetting about everything else you feel, if maybe you are fast enough, you can tease an orgasm out of yourself before he can do much to stop it. This is a stupid thought, of course, as he catches onto it immediately. Your wrist is grabbed in a hold tight enough you fear it might be snapped completely.

"Did you learn nothing?" He demands. "No... this won't do at all." You are aware of movement before he grabs you by your hair and yanks you up to your feet, finding it hard to stand since you can't exactly orient yourself without sight. You can hear him circling around you as you stand there pathetically. He's growling like a feral animal.

"I'm sorry, sir I-"

"You aren't sorry. Oh no, Princess. If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place you dirty little slut." He taunts. You whimper and cringe. "Perhaps you need to understand better. No more games. You follow my every command from here on out or you die."

"Yes, sir." You agree quickly, a tremor of fear running through you only enhancing the passionate arousal of the moment.

"On your knees, Princess." He snarls in your ear. You drop down to your knees without hesitation. It's only moments later that you feel something poking insistently at your mouth, his fingers. He pries your jaw open, jamming them in there hard enough to make you gag and choke violently but before you can think about nearly anything else the digits are replaced with his cock. You let out a muffled squeak because it's all you can do. Gagging violently your body convulses attempting to repel this phallic appendage as much as accept it. You choke and on instinct start to struggle. You feel a hand on the back of your head. Fingers weaving through your hair, nails digging at the back of your scalp. 

"Keep still, Princess. Master needs to feed you his cum." He orders then laughs breathlessly. Since it is a command you know you have to force yourself to be still. You find that you can still breathe through your nose, as difficult as that seems to be, and slowly you calm as much as possible despite the gagging. Your cunt now dripping with excitement, begging for the attention and penetration he can provide easily but is denying you. You ache for his cock as you long to be fucked properly. "Is this what you crave? To be filled with my cum?"

It's impossible to answer and you are aware he knows this but you are also aware he knows the answer is yes as he wouldn't have you here again if it wasn't. 

“Look at me,” he breathes and In one swift movement, the blindfold is pulled from your eyes giving you your sight back. You blink a few times before looking up at him, a few tears falling from your eyes. “That’s my good girl.” His words send a shiver of pleasure through you in spite of the semi-discomfort you find yourself in. 

"I own you. You are nothing. You exist for my pleasure and nothing more..." He snarls down at you. You can only look up at him helplessly as he speaks, drilling into your head that you are nothing other than an object to milk the cum from his cock. "I hold your life in my hands...and you broke the rules."

You try to apologize, beg, plead for mercy but it’s of no use. Your mouth is full, and so is your throat. Still, the fire he’s already ignited in you only grows at his words and you feel like you can orgasm just from his words alone.

"You want it, Princess? You want Master's cum?" He snarls.

Yes. Please yes. I need you to fill me I am nothing without you...

The words scream in your head even though you know he can’t hear them. You do your best to express your agreement with your eyes. Only a moment later you can feel his climax. The burning hot release of his cum spilling into your mouth and down your throat. You are convinced you can’t take this, there's no way to avoid choking until suddenly...your own climax hits. The pleasure slamming into you, your vision tunneling. It's as glorious as it is horrific. Overwhelmed with the intense pleasure, pain, and effort of the situation the world around you fades and goes dark. When you wake once again you find yourself in his bed, alone. You groan softly, a hand coming up to rub your throat. From the bathroom you can hear water running. You relax back and close your eyes as you realize you’re safe and he’s just taking a shower. Though these surprise visits are always rather taxing on your body you wouldn’t change them for the world. Now that you have him back, you’re going to take whatever you can from him until he disappears again. 

[fiftysevenacademics]

There is zero queerbaiting in Fangs of Fortune. A lot of the queer romance isn't even truly subtext because were explicitly told at points how we're meant to interpret certain things.

For example, when Ao Yin is looking a certain way at Li Lun, someone (sorry, I can't remember who but maybe it was Ying Lei?) comments about loyalty (as to a master or friend) and Pei Sijing says, No, that is love.

So, whatever one might have thought about the way ZYZ and ZYC look at each other up to then, after that, we know that we're meant to understand that this sort of look conveys love.

There's the way we're shown ZYZ and the original Baize Goddess making a vow on that stone, in the context of some kind of commitment ceremony, then we see ZYZ and LL making the same vows, and later, ZYZ and ZYC. We're meant to see that as a kind of demon wedding vow.

And, of course, there's the part in the big final confrontation where ZYC mouths words that have to be 我爱你 Wǒ ài nǐ, I love you. We can't hear it because he's trapped behind this magical barrier, but I think we're all in agreement that's what he's saying and the soundlessness is their way around censorship.

I could go on, but these are the three most obvious things that say, yes, you're not making things up, this is really happening, the queer relationships you think are there are really there, which is the opposite of queerbaiting.

Still stuck on how FoF stitched the BL underneath the whole het romance thing. Even if it is just queerbaiting, it's done with a lot of finesse. Like in that scene after Ying Zhao dies to save ZYZ during the blood moon. When ZYZ is remembering the past, it is ZYC that goes to find him and comfort him in his own awkward way. Giving ZYZ something to focus on (repairing the baize token) instead of wallowing in grief and self hate. His words were very forceful and unforgiving, but they did the trick. Also, ZYZ probably would not have responded to kindness at that time. When someone is spiralling in self hate, trying to get them to see themselves as better doesn't really work. It is interesting to me that this is also the moment when we see PSJ telling WX that she is ZYZ'S rock. That he is a man falling off a cliff and needs her to be his anchor. But we see that it was ZYC who anchored him to keep living at that moment. The crew may not have planned it that way but that's how I saw that particular scene.

[ashen-char]

stupidly smiling at the idea of reader and anora rewatching cinderella for the 3rd weekend in a row, reader's not complaining tho, they love to hear anora whisper the lines and sing along to the songs while her eyes are shining like little stars during her favourite scenes.

and yes, reader would spend WEEKS of their time looking up jewellers who could do a better job than pandora did, no offense. also small jewellers, they want to help small businesses to grow and feel like it would better.

the jasmine one made me so mad, she's one of my favourite princesses, like how can you fucked it up so bad? if they didn't want to watch the movies they could do a survey so the public could answer and they wouldn't fuck it up! actually, me being mad at what they did to jamine's and tiana's rings was what made me think about anora going on a rant about how they did the princesses dirty, especially cinderella. she would cross her arms and pout at the end of her rant, because the ring is gorgeous and she would love to have it but they ruined it for her.

(baby mikey at end of answer god i sob 😭)

i personally love the way ppl get about their favourite movies. knowing every line, getting the songs stuck in their head. or when u remember one of the songs and have this URGE to watch the movie again. you just KNOW anora’s eyes are locked on the screen, wide and gleaming when the first notes of “a dream is a wish your heart makes” begin to play. (weird tangent but i love the sabrina carpenter cover of it)

her lips move almost imperceptibly at first, whispering along with cinderella’s soft melody. as if she thinks you'd make fun of her for how hyped she is about it? i imagine the first time you watch it with her would be after a few dates, as ani is getting comfortable with you. but by the time the mice start their antics, she’s fully immersed, mouthing each word by instinct. can't help it.

and you know reader wouldn't mind. in fact, they’d watch this movie every single weekend if it meant getting to see anora like this - completely entranced, swept up in the magic of it all. like ivan says, sometimes the way she talks and acts makes her seem older than her years. and seeing her so hopeful? almost childlike? you can fully imagine how little ani watched this movie over and over as a kid. maybe toddled over to her parents well-worn CD in hand begging to watch this again.

because that's who pandora really disappointed w their lack of research! the little girl that lives in her, that ani makes her money in order to indulge. and she woulda been looking forward to those rings,,,

[skythealmighty]

haha i love when i struggle with multiple hyperfixations at once. i am a coward for not making a crossover between allnof them but like. worldbuilding hard stfu

#rocket talk #the hyperfixes: #tmnt #inanimate insanity #bfdi #dsmp #the last one mostly spurred on by the stupid shit dreams doing #love clowning on that fool

(0 notes)

🤍 notalwayssecondplace Follow

i love how people are reblogging gi's hit post like it isnt a sign of his crippling inability to deal with change or to come to terms with his own self

anyway on other news i have a bunch of ideas for a new d&d campaign!

#i love my cousin but he really really needs therapy #like REALLY really

(12 notes)

🔧 warp-pipe-sfx Follow

I just realized... why do we call it "humanity"? Shouldn't it be "objectity"? IS it that in some universes? Can we claim universes that use "humanity" all once had humans???

⛳ bossy-bot Follow

Hello! Golf Ball from the BFDI universe here. I can confirm we use 'humanity' because we have, and also have had, humans. I cannot say for other universes though.

💥 fans-fantastic-features Follow

Fan II at your service! we use both- humans are kind of a myth for the most part. depends on how religious you are sometimes

💊 the-cringe-one Follow

Cringe Pill, TDOS- 'objectity' is the main term we use. Hadn't even heard of humans until Real Life Battle, honestly

👓 the-nerdiest-glasses Follow

guys, you're way overthinking this. here one sec

add in the tags what universe you're from (and if you picked humanity, if you know why add that too)

🔧 warp-pipe-sfx Follow

Oh, hadn't even thought of that...

#Goes to show you can be as smart as you want and still be stupid 😅 #Very curious to see the responses

(351,294 notes)

🎩 not-a-magician asked: Hi, I've been seeing people ask you for advice on auras and mental wellness and things... do you have anything for sleeping? I don't know if I have insomnia, but I've definitely had some trouble sleeping lately. I'm tired as hell but can't seem to just. Do it. Any advice at all would mean the world to me, really

🕯 litwick-in-real-life Follow

(Reminder to all: my advice on here is not meant to replace professional help by any means. If this is the cause of underlying trauma, please turn to therapy and not Tumblr. I'm not licensed yet.)

Thank you so much for the ask! While I'm sorry to admit sleep habits are not something I'm particularly versed in, I will give advice to the best of my ability as always. Best wishes on your journey to heal ^-^

Full advice below the cut to save space, as always!

Keep reading

#mental wellness #sleep habits #sleep #candle's light advice #not-a-magician

(14 notes)

💥 fans-fantastic-features Follow

ive come to a realization

you're welcome

#tpot #gravity falls #bfdi #one bfdi #bill cipher #i spent way too fucking long on this #if anyone's done this before me don't tell me please #also please dont come after me one THIS ISNT AN INSULT

(931 notes)

👿 darkness-reigns-supreme-3882 Follow

WHY THE FUCK AM I GREEN NOW?!

👿 darkness-reigns-supreme-3882 Follow

GREEN ISN'T INTIMIDATING. GREEN IS STUPID. GREEN IS ~nature~ AND ~healing~ AND PEOPLE WHO GET STUCK UP ON MOUNTAINS!!!!!

👿 darkness-reigns-supreme-3882 Follow

there will be hell to pay for this.

#i SWEAR if who i thought did this did this.

(2 notes)

✅ marker-the-green Follow

Ummm why did I just get a bunch of hate dms after I changed my username? I thought these were over :[

#It's the same guy too.... #oh wait right I unblocked him since he stopped

(7 notes)

📱 phone-guy-not-fnaf Follow

Finally getting therapy ✌ unfortunately my therapist says it's not productive to be literally dancing on my dead father's grave. that beign said tune into my next stream where we do dares at his gravestone

(374 notes)

🗒 meme-pad Follow

how to stop water in pot from burning? tried to cook ramen and failed

🗒 meme-pad Follow

i did not mean to type this in google im crowdsourcing

🎩 not-a-magician Follow

What the hell did you do?!

🗒 meme-pad Follow

NOTHING

#wait u have a tumnlr?

(1,279 notes)

📛 loud-and-proud Follow

i know this is ironic because of my username but uh. does anyone have any advice for being in love w your best bro and not knowing how to say it

🎚 all-about-dat-bass Follow

bro... im right here...

📛 loud-and-proud Follow

bro... so... is that a yes?

🎚 all-about-dat-bass Follow

hell YEAH, bro!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

📛 loud-and-proud Follow

no way... i love you dude ❤

🎚 all-about-dat-bass Follow

love you too man ❤

📕 imnotafuckingdiary Follow

Fucking finally

#They were SO BAD off screen #Definitely didn't expect this on Tumblr of all places though.

(72 notes)

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

time sensitive question: is it possible to get sued by algebraliens

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

this was posted literal months ago why are you idiots still reblogging it.

1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow

I mean~... if you want help not getting sued, I could always lend a theoretical hand?

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

no soliciting

1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow

That's not what "no soliciting" means, you know.

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

suck my dick

1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow

Haha, rude! I'm only offering help, you know.

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

go away you bill cipher wannabe or ill bite into you like a stale dorito

1️⃣ theoneandonly Follow

I can find you, you know.

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

lol

#im about to do whats called a pro gamer move

(240,163 notes)

🥧 threepointonefourwhatever Follow

i blocked her 🎉

[themeraldee]

Okay but, making Homelander valentine chocolate from scratch, keeping in mind flavors he has said he likes. Makes special unique ones to fit his tastes and even makes the box and everything, presents it to him with a cute little teddy

I already love the idea of Homelander receiving thoughtful gifts, handmade always makes it even better!

especially if his SO puts a ton of effort into it, really making it look legit with the pretty box wrapped in a bow. I imagine he gets gifts from sponsors, brands, Vought, etc... and it's all very perfect and manufactured and he couldn't care less for yet another box of teeth-rotting chocolates that are a LOOOT more sugar and palm oil than any actual decent chocolate.

However he'd already be beaming to be receiving a gift from his SO. But a handmade gift??

"I hope you like them, I made a few different flavours that I think you'll really enjoy."

"Hold up, what do you mean 'made'?" He was already holding the gift but now he's laser focused, really noting every single detail. The handmade—and more importantly yours—touch is now obvious and it's crazy that at first he thought you just popped down to a bakery to get their bestsellers already boxed up.

"I... made these for you."

Homelander's unsure which emotion to feel first. Elation, excitement, pure unbridled joy and happiness or the overwhelming and rapidly burning sensation of tears in his eyes. The gesture alone feels like a million bucks and from the smell of the treats he can already tell it's going to taste even better.

But first things first, he needs to sample the most important treat first. You. Putting the box down he pulls you into an emotional kiss. One he conveys through his arms around you just as much as his lips. His tears make it down to your lips, forcing the taste of the whirlwind of emotion onto your tongue.

When he pulls away, instead of thanking you, a worry makes itself known on his features. He looks at where he placed the gift and then you, his eyebrows increasingly furrowing.

"B-but why? I didn't make you anything." While he didn't make anything he bought all the items on the Valentine's day checklist.

You put your hands on his cheeks, gently wiping the tear tracks with your thumbs and you smile.

"Don't be ridiculous, this isn't a competition. And even then, I mean damn, you've been spoiling me plenty!" From massive bouquets of roses to chocolates and jewellery; you got it all.

"Oh please, it's nothing. Just a few knick-knacks, but this..." He can't even talk about it without letting his emotions take over. This is the things he's been robbed of his entire life. These gestures of love and devotion that were meant to be coming from his loved ones. With the few people he could label that, those gestures were few and far between. If any.

Until now.

You save him from needing to hide away and cry his feelings out and instead you remind him of the joy.

"Come on, let's sit down and try these out. I wanna see which one is your favourite."

With an infectious joy, you take the box with you in one hand, his in the other and you lead and sit you both on the couch. Letting him crack open the box and take the first pick.

And while the words thank you seem harder to say than ever, his eyes share the sentiment clearly .

---

I didn't touch on it in the little scenario BUT that teddy is being cuddled anytime the reader isn't home (while the reader ofc has the kuddle buddy plush). That or it's getting the hall of fame position in his strange box of sentimental trinkets.

[morganski-19]

Ryan Guzman's interview with Jeff Conway came out today, and I have a few thoughts, so I'm writing them down here. If you are interested reading the article yourself (which I think you should because it was a very good article and there many moments in which I did not talk about here), this is the link.

First and foremost I would like to reiterate that this is a good, well thought out article from both Conway's questions and Guzman's answers. And I think there were many responses that show the love that Ryan has for Eddie, and the work he puts in to make his portrayal of Eddie so impactful.

And as always, I take each article that comes out with a giant heaping of salt, as they can't talk about things before the actual episode airs.

Now I'm going to talk about specific quotes, the first of which is this one.

A few of my mutuals over on bluesky were freaking out about this quote, thinking that this meant that Ryan was either thinking of leaving the show or starting to wind down his involvement, but that is not how I interpreted this. Along with many other of his quotes from this article, it's clear that Ryan is just a live in the moment kind of person, and this is a very live in the moment kind of answer. He's simply saying that he is proud of the work he's done with Eddie, and still feels honored to play him, but if the world decided that Eddie's character has come to a close, he is proud of what he has done.

So no, he doesn't currently have plans on leaving the show.

This excerpt really confirms that Eddie's storyline will be big in the second half of the season. Which I have to say, thank fucking god. The fact that this article is the one they are pushing before the spring premiere is only further proof of this, but this quote really solidified it for me.

The biggest change of all is of course the fact that Eddie will be leaving for Texas in the beginning of the season. From his language and demeanor from the first half of the season, this is a necessity as going to Texas and being able to work on his and Chris' relationship one-on-one is crucial for that. So going to Texas in some capacity was necessary.

Now the decision to fully move to Texas is not going to go over smoothly. Not to mention that that in itself is a big change, but can bring other changes along with it.

Now we get to where Conway asked about the possibilities of Buddie, and how Ryan feels about it. To which (to no one's surprise) he gave a very vague answer that I can see being read in a few different ways.

Firstly, he is kinda saying what he has before about how Buck and Eddie's relationship as is, them being a bisexual man and a straight man respectively, is important as it shows how two men of different sexualities can still have a close bond without there being any weirdness about it. Which is true, especially, like he said, with the current political climate.

Secondly, I think his wording here, especially when he clarifies having friends who are homosexual and not bisexual, is sort of leading. On the one hand, he is further saying that he draws from his own experience of interacting and loving them, which he then applies to Eddie with his relationship with Buck. On the other hand, he could be drawing from his friend's experiences a bit when doing a gay Eddie storyline. And I think the specification could further emphasize Eddie's sexuality, as I personally headcanon him to be gay and not bisexual. But this leads further into speculation.

Overall, what I got from this is that Ryan wants to put focus on the relationship that him and Buck have, and not lead audiences into thinking that there could be more. This doesn't outright confirm or deny anything, and from my interpretation, leads me to think that he does not agree with the shipbaiting that is currently happening. Which fair, I too do not enjoy ship baiting for the purposes of promotion.

And lastly, I'm going to talk about this quote.

Which is something that I think Eddie desperately needs to hear. He is constantly unsure of himself, and needs to trust himself more.

I think that him saying that everything inside of him is innately who he is, and that is more than enough, can be leading as that phrasing is something that us in the queer community use when describing ourselves. But this is also true for Eddie's character as we know now as well. He needs to trust and believe himself, and that the decisions he makes are ones that he should be proud of.

Overall, like I said above, this article is very good and if you like to read the interviews released about this show, you should go give it a read. Considering that this came about before the show aired, I wasn't expecting it to confirm anything, but I am also glad it didn't outright deny anything either.

I think that there are some lines here that will come into clarity as the show airs and more interviews come out. But overall, I love Eddie as a character and am glad that the show has decided to use him in the build-up for promotion as the show comes back. And I can't wait to see where his storyline goes.

[randomfoggytiger]

The X-Files: Did Mulder Want Scully to Leave in Requiem?

(Excerpt from a larger meta post.)

Mulder and Scully have an important-- albeit ambiguous-- discussion in his Bellefleur motel room. Quoting from this transcript:

MULDER: It's not worth it, Scully.

SCULLY: What?

MULDER: I want you to go home.

SCULLY: Oh, Mulder, I'm going to be fine.

MULDER: No, I've been thinking about it. Looking at you tonight, holding that baby... knowing everything that's been taken away from you. A chance for motherhood and your health and that baby. I think that... I don't know, maybe they're right.

SCULLY: Who's right?

MULDER: The FBI. Maybe what they say is true, though for all the wrong reasons. It's the personal costs that are too high.

MULDER: There's so much more you need to do with your life. There's so much more than this.

MULDER: There has to be an end, Scully.

In Requiem's script, Mulder's concerns are highlighted clearly and Scully's reactions are more physically engaged and questioning:

There's important interplay here. Scully and Mulder are both concerned about her health; and, while the script writes that she downplays her struggles-- only to internalize them later-- the episode amplifies Scully's anxiety: when he puts forward the idea that she's suffered enough, she doesn't outright disagree. Further, they both have no idea what she's suffering from-- "Why is this happening to me?"-- and fear it's connected to her former abductions. When Billy Miles disappears, Mulder packs up and takes them home, effectively abandoning the case with barely any notice: Scully's safety, he is proving, trumps the files-- trumps his own wishes and fears and needs.

all things resolved what had been brewing in Scully's heart since Never Again-- a fear and frustration she succinctly repackaged in her pointed Biogenesis question: "Mulder... look, after all you've done, after all you've uncovered-- a conspiracy of men doing human experiments, men who are all now dead-- you exposed their secrets. I mean, you've won. What more could you possibly hope to do or to find?" Scully made her peace: the x-files was still Mulder's passion and pursuit; and she chose to stay the course because she wanted a life with him. She was-- they were-- content.

...But. There's always a 'but'. The basement isn't end game for either Mulder or Scully-- not really. Chris Carter to this day maintains he has a vision of their final moment on-screen-- a vision he tries to bring to fruition but can't fully realize due to his aspirations (to be discussed below)-- of them together, victorious. Mulder was meant to find his closure (post here), Scully was meant to find her voice (post here), and they were meant to find the Truth in each other and leave the world to chase its own tail in futility. As Frank Spotnitz famously declared,

"You can't get the truth. You can't. There's a larger truth, though: that you can't harness the forces of the cosmos, but you may find somebody else. You may find another human being. That may be kind of corny and all of that, but that's really it: Love is the only truth we can hope to know, as human beings."

Circling back to the original topic: what did Mulder mean in Bellefleur? Did he mean Scully and he should leave together? Did he mean they needed a healthier work-life balance? Did he mean to go it alone from now on in order to keep his partner safe? Had he wanted Scully to simply verbalize her own thoughts? Had he even reached a substantial conclusion?

Tom Kessenich makes some good points in his book EXaminations:

"The Pilot:" To look at how this relationship has evolved, we obviously have to go back to where it all began. ...I believe the scene in Mulder's hotel room in Oregon is the one that truly laid the foundation for this relationship. Not only are we given insight into Mulder's quest, but Scully is enthralled as well. She (and we the viewer) can feel Mulder's passion for his beliefs, and the intensity with which he relays the mission he is on is seductive. In fact, you could say Scully is seduced by Mulder's words and the powerful way Mulder intently describes his past, present and where he believes his future is headed. In that instant, Scully is hooked. And so are we.

"Fight the Future:" ...Scully is wracked with self-doubt, questioning her place alongside Mulder, convinced she is yet another obstacle in his dogged pursuit of the truth. Mulder's response is crucial. For the first time, he extends the nature of their relationship beyond the aspect of trust. When he tells her that she has made him a whole person, he is pulling Scully inside him, filling the gaping hole created the night his sister was abducted, the night Mulder lost a part of himself as well. Mulder can't go on without Scully because she has become as essential as "the truth" had always been. The elusive truth was the fuel that drove Mulder's quest. But Scully had now provided the soul he needed to not only persevere, but to survive.

"Requiem:" Much of this episode is about looking to the future while feeling the past nipping at Mulder and Scully's heels. From an FBI audit which threatens the future of The X-Files to, more importantly, the progression of the Mulder-Scully relationship, it's clear a new chapter is being written. Mulder seems resolved to move to another place in his life. He wants something more for Scully, something more for himself and his growing relationship with Scully symbolizes the change in his life. He is prepared to move forward, but before he can, he believes he must put an end to the past that had driven him for so long. The irony of Mulder's abduction is that it came at the precise moment in his life when he no longer needed it or was driven to embrace it. His "quest" no longer sustained him entirely.

Requiem, then, was the final gasp of their old existence.

I believe Mulder senses something is changing-- the same sense that led him to predict "A change for us, it's coming" in Tooms. This same sense alerts him to the FBI's looming intent to close the files and leads him back to Oregon seven years later.

Where I differ from Tom: I don't believe Mulder was ready to let go. He is dispirited after the audit, knowing the Powers That Be are looking for a way to shut him (and Scully) down. The phone call from Bellefleur perks him back up because it was proof there is still work to be done. That hope morphs into regret when he sees Scully cuddling a baby-- the truth is a never-ending line that will swallow them whole, he realizes-- then fear when Scully becomes ill at the motel; then terrified resolve when she collapses in the forest.

As Mulder said in Fight the Future, "They call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder, whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and who now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun, shouting to the heavens or to anyone who will listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling...." Two years later, no one listened-- still, there are aliens conniving and scheming as he howls at the moon. But FTF taught him he can't do "this" without Scully-- that he'd rather she "go be a doctor" than live in a world without her.

I believe his fears in Fight the Future are the same in Requiem: that Mulder thinks Scully should "go be a doctor" for her sake yet doesn't want to lose her, or the connection of their partnership, either. I believe Mulder is still struggling to let go of the files, even after his sister's closure-- and that he ignores multiple signs to let the truth be and live his life on this planet with Scully (and their unknown baby.) I believe that struggle lures him into the jaws of captivity and face-first into the darkness of death. And, I believe, he has to learn to let go after his resurrection: not because he's afraid to reenter life (Three Words, post here), not because he's forced out (Vienen), and not because he's turning away from his true nature to avoid the pain of losing that connection (Alone.)

CONCLUSION

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[pebblysand]

this is a political space.

i know. i've been a bit quiet lately.

quiet with everything that's happening, and since castles ending, and not that i've been regrouping, but i've been putting off blogging. mostly because in the grand scheme of things, i don't believe that what i say (or think) really matters, and i never want to sound pedantic or entitled. but.

i have gotten/seen a couple of comments about castles in the past few weeks that have made me reflect. specifically, in their own way, both the ones i'm thinking of at the moment, were saying multiple versions of the same thing: "i read fanfiction for the purpose of escapism, and i didn't like that this fic featured politics so heavily."

now, i want to state at the outset that i am not writing this post to throw shade at these commenters, or to complain in any way. one of them follows me on here, and was awfully kind and sweet and really not meant as a criticism at all, just an observation. the second was a post made on reddit, which is a reader space, and they have a right to their opinion as long as they're not screaming it in my face in my comments (which in this case they weren't), so that's no problem.

it's just that, as i said above, it's made me reflect, and question. why do i do this? as you may know, i've embarked recently on my first "real" project since castles (the fault in faulty manufacturing, part 2) which i'm hoping to release on St Patrick's Day (please lord let me keep my deadline), and am envisioning to be probably around the same length, wordcount-wise as tfifm (but we shall see).

broadly speaking, it is a story about love and choice, and hope, and sacrifice. more narrowly, it is a story about a girl who is having to cope with being caught in the aftermath of two wars: a colonial war she didn't fight in (the Troubles) but is omnipresent in her daily life, and a civil war she did fight in (the Second Wizarding War) but which almost no one around her knows exists. it is a story about the dynamics of marital affairs and the boundaries of choice, a story about the realities and ethics of war reporting in the media and a story about adoption and surrogacy.

i wonder: do you see where i'm going with this? my point is: chiefly, yes, i write about people. i write about people and their lives and i write with as much empathy as i can muster, to give a voice to my characters (and through them, to all of us). that will always be my guiding principle. but i also think that to me, with the kind of writing i do, the line between people and politics is thin. how can i write about abortion and/or surrogacy, without acknowledging dobbs? how can i write about muggle rights without acknowledging the fact that muggles and squibs are an allegory for marginalised communities?

the comment i read on reddit basically said: "i liked pebbles until she started including politics." i won't lie: it made me cackle (because what a slay) but since then, i can't stop wondering: what "until" are we talking about, here? the aftermath of the war is political. the trials are political. harry's job as a cop is political. ginny's assault is political. or, is the problem when international matters got involved? when muggle politics became more explicitly influential? is the assault on a personal level okay, but the moment you give it political resonance with #metoo, it isn't?

nothing i write will ever exist in a political vacuum. because people and their experiences don't exist in a political vacuum. and, to be clear, i have never written to convince anyone. i am not here to convince you that the 2003 US invasion of Iraq was wrong, or that violence against women is endemic. if you are a reader and disagree with these statements, then that is - frankly - your problem, not mine. i see my work more like a... dissenting opinion. a hopeless, mostly impact-less but also somehow hopeful and impactful dissenting opinion.

i was re-reading the dobbs dissent this morning (as one randomly does, lol). in conclusion, justices breyer, sotomayor and kagan wrote: "with sorrow, [...] we dissent." these days, i think that's why write. because with sorrow, i dissent. and i don't think my little fanfictions in this little corner of the internet will ever be important or change anything to the world we live in - i don't even think the original fiction i will eventually write (i promise) could change anything. i just hope that someone else will read my work and think: "yeah, with sorrow, i dissent, too." and so, with sorrow, we will continue to dissent.

i know (and understand) that what fandom wants, right now, is escapism. i know (and understand) that to a lot of people, right now, fandom is a safety valve and a safe space away from the aggressions brought on by the rest of the world. you see this even with published fiction and the rise of "cosy" literature. and god, i get it. i really do. i don't blame you. what fandom wants from me, right now, is more slipped and the wolf's just puppy and less castles, act 3.

but i can't give you that. it's never really been me, and it's certainly not me right now. i don't want to escape, i want to blow up barricades. i don't know if that will ever change, i don't know if i'll feel differently in a year or two years' time. but for now, as far as i'm concerned, as far as my work is concerned, this is a political space.

and with sorrow, i dissent.