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erospandemos · 9 months

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Winter's mission

Aespa Winter x Reader

Winter finds your secret diary and most importantly, your secret bucket list. Upon the discovery, she decides to fulfil every possible desire. The problem, however, is that every aspiration revolves around Winter herself.

Minjeong and you agreed to do a marathon to watch the whole drama you had both been saving up to watch. Your friend came to your house right before lunch so you could start eating with the first episode. It was just like the other times: she promised she wouldn’t get too invested and after two episodes she’d start screaming from frustration when the main leads were this close to kissing but backed away. You’d be laughing and she’d be yelling at you because it was a serious matter.

In the late afternoon, Minjeong got hungry. She begged you to get her favorite snack, the pepero sticks. You bought them two weeks ago and put them somewhere in your kitchen but didn’t remember at all. Still, your friend wanted one thing and one thing only. You tried to refuse but when she showed you her googly eyes and puffed her cheeks, you gave in. She was just too cute.

So you stood up and reluctantly made your way to the kitchen.

However, you made a big mistake by leaving the room without checking the stuff on your table, most notably your diary. Minjeong saw it clearly, the weathered journal peeking out from under a pile of books on the bedside table. She knew it wasn’t a notebook because she’d been your friend long enough to have memorized all your preferences and you were too cheap to buy such a nice diary.

Curiosity piqued, she hesitated for a moment to think if she should do it or not. She chewed her lower lip, with a light sense of guilt. You were gone to find some hidden and forgotten snack, so it should have been long enough—she had enough time. The more she waited, the more dangerous it was.

Minjeong made up her mind. She lifted the books and took out the notebook. She sat cross-legged on your bed, ready to reveal your secrets. As she contemplated opening it, a rush of adrenaline hit her veins, causing her heart to quicken and her muscles to tense up. She hasn’t even read a single letter yet but sweat was already dripping down her back.

“I probably shouldn't be doing this, but... what's the harm?” she whispered to herself, sighing deeply. “Okay, just a peek. It won’t hurt anyone.”

Minjeong took one last deep breath, her fingers trembling slightly as she started to open the diary. The creak of the leather seemed to echo in the room, she was alone. She started reading the entries, a mix of doodles, random thoughts, and personal reflections.

Some of the pages only had silly ramblings like how you noticed a game’s sale too late and had to pay 5 dollars more. Minejong giggled lightly but the adrenaline was still there. Her breathing became shallow, her gaze scanning the words on the page. As she flipped through the pages, she stumbled upon an entry that caught her off guard.

She raised her eyebrow as she started reading it:

SATURDAY 21 OCTOBER, 2023 I’m pretty sure Minjeong is playing with my heart. She’s been acting a lot more touchy lately. She was hugging my arm, hugging me and constantly touching me. She hugged me before as well since we’re friends but it just feels different these days. It’s probably because I’m a boy and she’s a girl. Even if we’ve been friends for a long time, she’s too cute for me to ignore. I think I like her. My heart beats faster when she’s around. I get nervous and fidgety. I’ve never felt like this before. It’s quite weird.

Winter's cheeks flushed with a mixture of surprise and excitement. Her curiosity took over her, she had to know. She had to know more.

TUESDAY 7 NOVEMBER, 2023 I almost had a heart attack when I saw Minjeong with someone else. They were acting so friendly and I just felt my heart shrink. I’m not attractive compared to them. Maybe I should go to the gym. But that wouldn’t change my face, would it? Dear Diary, I really really like her.

“Wait, this is all about me?” Minjeong whispered to herself. She skimmed through the stupid entries and found even more pages about herself. She covered her mouth, blushing madly. “Oh my… I had no idea.” She couldn’t help but smile and continue flipping through the pages.

TUESDAY 14 NOVEMBER, 2023 Minjeong is back at it again. I’ve met her eyes a couple of times today and it was simply enchanting. The way her face lit up when our eyes connected mate my heart skipped a beat. She looks honest. Happy and amazing. I wish I could see her eyes every day, see every feeling in her pupils, knowing she wouldn’t be afraid to hide anything from me. Of course, I’d do the same. Minjeong is already a great friend, she’d be a great girlfriend as well. I thought about confessing for the first time. It was really a stupid thought. There is no way someone like her would accept me. I’m just a bum. I don’t even like myself, why would she? Eventually, someone will come and take her away, I just have to accept it. I love you, Minjeong.

WEDNESDAY 22 NOVEMBER, 2023 Am I a pervert for looking at Minjeong’s legs? My eyes were glued to her thighs. Maybe for a couple of minutes. Yeah, that’s definitely too much.

Minjeong glanced down at her shorts and bear legs and suddenly she felt too exposed. She regretted wearing such revealing clothes.

MONDAY 27 NOVEMBER, 2023 I want to love Minjeong properly. She’s such a perfect girl. I want her to feel loved. I’d cuddle and hug her a lot if she was my girlfriend. I daydreamed in class instead of listening to the literature lesson and this thought came to me: Minjeong backhugging me. That’s it. That’s the thought. It was enough to make me a blushing mess. Dear Diary, I have a problem.

Minjeong didn’t feel exposed anymore, she just felt warm and flustered. “You silly…” Minjeong said. She glanced around, making sure no one was watching, then hugged the diary close to her chest. “I never knew you felt this way…”

Fearing that you might be coming back, Minjeong thought that she had read enough and it was time to put it away. She just stood up and was about to put the diary back on the desk when a piece of paper fell out. It looked like it was sandwiched between the hardcover and the last page. She picked it up from the ground and read it.

BUCKET LIST Go on a date with Minjeong (skating?) Watch the starry sky Touch Minjeong’s cheeks Top marks Try skiing Confess Kiss MinHold Minjeong’s hand

Minjeong didn’t have the time to put it away when she heard your steps. She just stuffed the diary under the books and kept the paper in her pocket.

Minejong quickly recollected herself. She straightened out the few messy strands and the wrinkled clothes. She took a deep breath and shook off the agitation, anything could have been suspicious in your eyes. You weren’t dumb—although you weren’t exactly smart either—so Minjeong had to be extra careful. That said, she had to think of a way to put the little paper back in place because surely you would have noticed the next time you were going to write about how fantastic the latest wrestling match you watched was.

“Here you go,” you said, throwing Minjeong the box of pepero. “You had me looking everywhere for those… fortunately they were still good.”

Minjeong smiled, picking up the box from her lap, a natural grin on her small lips. “Thank you, you’re amazing.”

You had no words to reply but only another smile. You exhaled, letting your body drop lifeless on the bed, beside your friend. The episode was still at the 26:56 mark, and you were recollecting what happened previous to the still frame.

“Oh, by the way, I also got a bag of chocolates,” you said. You took the plastic bag you left on the corner of the folded covers. It was full of those little bite-sized chocolates you’d buy to decorate your tables in the living room when someone was coming over during the winter; or for a bunch of kids. But you got the smaller version, which also cost a couple of bucks more because it was of “fine quality”.

“No way!” she said, letting go of the pepero, forgotten like it never meant anything to her. You looked at the Oreo-looking box and blinked a few times. Why did it feel so relatable?

“You know I love chocolate!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I bought it,” you said.

When you pressed the space bar on your laptop and the episode restarted, the room fell into a comfortable silence. You could only hear the dialogues coming from the speakers and Minjeong cutely munching on her peperos. You were grinning widely, having more fun staring at the hamster beside you than the scenes on the screen themselves.

Minjeong on the other hand, wasn’t exactly happy. Sure, the joy from her discovery was still lingering in her mind but so was the shock. The crunchy sticks of chocolate and biscuit took the roles of her nails, on which she nervously munched without stop, box after box. She would steal glances at you from time to time, and seeing you smile so happily, laughing and passionately talking to her, made her feel things she had never felt before.

She wasn’t sure if it was indigestion or butterflies in her stomach, but the thing was, Minjeong couldn’t focus on the screen at all. Her mind was still processing the revelations from the secret diary, she tried to act nonchalant, and fortunately, you couldn’t see her well, but her cheeks were betraying a faint blush.

“The cat is so round, it looks like a bag of potatoes, don’t you think?” you laughed.

“Y-yeah,” she whispered. Winter cleared her throat, “So, what do you think will happen next in the drama?”

“What do you mean? They’re like—they’re gonna kiss. Look at the romantic tension. I bet it’s gonna be a cliffhanger.”

“Right, right…” Minjeong continued to stare at the screen. Didn’t the protagonists kinda look like you and her…? She swore they were very similar at that moment. Somehow she could see herself in the shoes of the girl, while you could have been the protagonist, with that manly shoulders and features—ehem—you had the same eyes. Yes, that’s exactly what Minjeong was thinking, or at least, that’s what she wanted to think.

The protagonists, Ji-hoon and Soo-mi, stood close, their eyes filled with emotions, concealed, to the point of overflowing. Just like her and you. Ji-hoon tenderly reached out, cupping Soo-mi's face in his hands. With a soft smile, he gently brushed a loose strand of hair from her forehead, his touch lingering. His fingers looked very gentle, you always have been gentle too, maybe if it was you doing, it would feel…

“Minjeong.”

“What?!” The girl squirmed lightly, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly self-aware. The romantic scene felt really closer than usual and her facade was slowly falling.

“I think it’s about to happen,” you said, still keeping your eyes attached to the screen. “They’re gonna kiss, I feel it.”

“Uh,” Minjeong started, terribly awkward. “These romantic scenes are always so... uh, intense, right?

“What do you…” you turned around and saw her heated cheeks. You looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The corner of her mouth twitched. “You're blushing, Minjeong. Are you sure you're okay?”

“Me? Blushing?” she fumbled. “No, I'm perfectly fine. It's just... you know, the drama.”

On the screen, the air crackled with tension as Ji-hoon kept cupping Soo-mi's face, his eyes searching hers for consent. Without words, their lips finally met in a tender yet passionate kiss. Time seemed to stand still as the world faded away, leaving only the sweet symphony of their hearts and the intoxicating warmth of the embrace.

Minjeong was watching everything but the kiss.

“You're not usually this flustered,” you observed. Minjeong’s behavior was really weird. You looked back at the screen and it all looked normal. They were in their slowed-down shot with the ballad in the background.

“Yeah, well, it's just a really good episode,” she said, avoiding eye contact at all costs. You tried to look at her by bending down and tilting your head but likewise, she turned around to avoid you. It looked strange but you just continued to watch the drama, accepting her answer.

As the episode concluded, Minjeong heaved a silent sigh of relief. She attempted to divert attention by reaching for more snacks, hoping to distract both herself and you from the lingering awkwardness.

You continue to the next episode.

You turned around and tried to get one of the snacks that were on her side. As you stretched, your hand brushed against Minjeong’s thigh. At the touch, she jolted with a loud gasp. It was like you sent a shock through her body.

“Oops, sorry about that,” you said apologetically, retrieving the box to your side.

“N-no problem at all,” she stammered.

You continued to watch without thinking much of it but Minjeong was completely on the edge. When you shifted and adjusted yourself, your leg would accidentally brush against hers. Or when you wanted to take the water bottle and you’d hug her shoulder by mistake. The blush on her cheeks continued to grow and she started to want to get out of there.

Your touches continued, all the ones that you were both accustomed to before, now sent a ripple of flustered nerves through Minjeong.

Eventually, the episodes ended and you came to the end of the drama. Minjeong’s nerves finally relaxed. You helped her gather her things and after chatting for a while, you bid her goodbye. You insisted on bringing her home, especially since it was quite late but she didn’t want to hear any of it and ran outside.

Minjeong slept well that night. She had all sorts of dreams and fantasies—was someone in the hallway, they’d think an actress was rehearsing for her future role. When she woke up, however, it was another story. Thanks to the newly found clarity of mind, the realization hit her harder than ever.

You liked her.

You! You.

You liked her.

Minjeong sighed and sat up on the bed.

She liked you.

Yes, she.

She liked you.

Now she had two options: either ignore it, act like nothing happened, which was both the easiest and hardest choice she could take; or deal with it. Minjeong didn’t like the idea of ignoring what she found. It would be like playing with your feelings. Really, you confessed indirectly, she has read all of your honest words, letter by letter, and now knew all of your feelings. You confessed to her.

But she also didn’t want to talk to you about it. Because, well, it was embarrassing.

What if you didn’t feel ready for a relationship? Maybe your journal was an outlet for your stress where you poured out all of your feelings knowing full well you couldn’t be with her.

Maybe it wasn’t a journal, maybe it was a fictional diary that you were writing. Like some sort of diary of a wimpy kid but for lovers.

Maybe you were writing about another girl. You knew that someone could have found your diary, just like Minjeong did, so you used another name. You could have been in some sort of Romeo and Juliet type of affair and the repercussions could have been deadly.

Minjeong was just making stuff up at this point. Let’s face it, you were just a normal person and what she read were real journal entries.

She sighed heavily. “Why?! Why did I…” she yelled. Minjeong closed her eyes and remembered your words—how sweet they were, how honest and meaningful—then shook her head. “It’s better this way.”

The piece of paper was still on the desk, crumbled and waiting. She got up and held it in her hand, skimming through your bucket list again.

BUCKET LIST Go on a date with Minjeong (skating?) Watch the starry sky Touch Minjeong’s cheeks Try skiing Top marks Confess Kiss MinHold Minjeong’s hand

She just ignored your last desire—the crossed-out line was still pretty readable but it was too embarrassing right now. You have helped her a lot until now, making most of the dreams from her bucket list come true. Yet, she has never had the chance to pay you back. Minjeong thought carefully and realized that this was the perfect occasion. She liked you so she would have liked it too and if you didn’t want to get into a relationship with her, at least she could fulfill a couple of your desires.

Minjeong clutched the paper with determinatione; it was her mission.

Objective 1: Secure the date

When Minjeong made up her mind and got up, two steps from the door of the room, she realized one thing: she had never been on a date. Such a pretty girl like Minjeong should have been asked out at least ten times by now. Especially since she wasn’t exactly shy or intimidating. And truly she had been asked out, but she never accepted. She’d say she had to focus on her studies, or that she wasn’t ready, or that it wasn’t the age for that kind of thing.

Minjeong turned while holding her chin, her eyebrow furrowed in deep thought. She had a location—the skating ring—that was a starter. But now, what do you do on a date? Minjeong tried to recall all the dramas she had watched: maybe she’d get some sort of idea. She has watched plenty of shows, surely there was something useful.

Characters would usually kiss each other ‘accidentally’ for example. Minjeong tried to imagine the scene: you and her walking in the frozen streets, her tripping and falling in your arms… some kids bumping into you, your lips brushing against her in a split second. Minejong started to blush terribly. “No, no, no, that’s not good,” she shook her head to get the thought out of her mind.

She was definitely overthinking this. You probably didn’t know any better than her and couples don’t really prepare that much before a date—it had to be natural. Minjeong decided to call you. There was a skating ring opened in the city during that period so that was the right occasion.

She gripped her phone, inhaled and exhaled. “Just hanging out,” she pointed out. “That’s right, don’t stress Minjeong, it’s just a hangout between friends.”

After Minjeong decided what to say and prepared all the possible dialogue options, which took about half an hour, she dialed your number and called. She couldn’t even calm her mind that you already picked up.

“Hello?” you asked.

“Hey,” Minjeong answered.

“Oh, Minjeong, how are you? Why are you calling me?”

“Well, I’ve got an idea for you.”

“Shoot.”

Minjeong swallowed her saliva. “How about we go skating at the ice rink? They opened it in the city center, I think it would be fun.”

“Skating, huh? Uhm… well, I’ve been thinking about it,” you said, you’ve been really thinking about it. It was such a weird coincidence that Minjeong asked you about it. However, “I haven’t done that in ages. Are you sure I won’t end up flat on my back?” You didn’t want to make a fool out of yourself in front of your crush.

Minjeong laughed jokingly. “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back… or, well, I’ve got your back if you do fall. But trust me, you’ll learn pretty quick.”

“Sounds tempting, but I’m not really convinced.”

“Come on, we’ll have fun. They also sell hot chocolate and crepes. I’ll buy it for you if you come!”

“Free food? Okay, you’ve convinced me. When do you wanna see each other?”

“How about Saturday? We should both be free.”

“Sounds good. Alright, thanks, see ya.”

“Goodbye.”

As soon as she hung up, Minjeong started jumping around like a maniac. She felt like she was a kid again, so excited and happy. She just forgot to tell you at what time to come. Whatever. She could have texted the time later. Plans were just going as planned.

The plans did not go as planned.

Objective 2: Find a replacement

Minjeong spent her whole morning preparing for the date. She looked at all the possible cafés and restaurants and food places you two could go to in case you got hungry. Then she looked at all the possible outfits she had in her wardrobe. She called her friend, Karina to help her decide the clothes. They ended up giggling and talking for about 5 hours about Minjeong’s story with you and Karina’s love interest.

In the end, they decided to go for the simplest sweater and pants they could find. It was to “not hide Minjeong’s natural beauty” as Karina put it. Whatever that meant.

You met right at the entrance of the city. You were already waiting there.

You found it hard to recognize Minjeong. She was bundled up in a big cozy scarf, a huge hat, and big gloves. The jacket was also quite thick, making her look like a snowman. You knew Karina didn’t let her go out of the house before dressing her up properly. You smiled, she looked very cute.

The both of you made your way to the ice ring talking about uni, friends, work, and so on. Being with Minjeong was always a pleasure as you could confide in each other about whatever problem or worry you had.

Hand in hand, you scrolled through the city, the subtle crunch of snow beneath your feet providing a serene soundtrack. There were a lot of people on the street. You came early but the sky was already starting to darken.

When you reached the ice rink, you gulped. Minjeong instead, was extremely excited. You paid for the skate shoes, slipped them in, and stepped on the ice.

The ice beneath your skates glistened brightly, it felt like ice, ready to crack, ready to swallow you in case you fell and gave in to the demons of the cold. Minjeong was still excited. She was already laughing while looking at the small kids tumble down the ice like bowling pins.

Wrapped in the warmth of your scarf and being alongside Minjeong, provided you enough confidence and comfort to aid your attempt. You stepped slowly, your legs shaking. Your friend held your hand and guided you through the edge of the ring until you found the right rhythm to continue on your own.

Your confidence grew, maybe too much, and you tried to make a tight turn and slipped. Your heart skipped a beat and your life flashed before your eyes. Fortunately Minjeong, with lighting reflexes, reached out and grabbed you.

“Oh my god, thank you Minjeong, you saved my life.”

“Be more careful!” she laughed.

After the incident, you started to be more careful and continued skating.

At one point, tiny snowflakes began to fall down the sky, soft and gentle. Both you and Minjeong started smiling brightly, thinking it looked like a scene from a romance movie. It really looked like what you’ve always dreamt of, skating with Minjeong under the snow.

The snowfall intensified, turning the ice rink into a snowy spectacle. It added a layer of magic to their already enchanting evening, and you continued to skate with carefree joy, leaving behind a trail of swirling snowflakes. However, as the snowfall grew heavier, the twinkling lights began to fade, and a voice over the speakers announced the temporary closure of the rink for safety reasons.

Minjeong panicked. She couldn’t end the date this way.

“Isn’t that a shame?” you said, walking away from the ice ring. “Well, I still had fun nonetheless, thank you for today, Minjeong.”

“Wait, wait,” she interrupted you. “Uhm, it’s still pretty early, wanna go back to my place?”

“Heh? Well, why not? Wanna order out?”

“Yeah, that’s fine by me.”

“Then let’s go.” Good job, Minjeong.

Objective 3: Look at the sky

You entered the pitch-black living room and turned on the lights. The room was well-lighted but still felt small and comfy, it probably was the darkness from outside the window. You glanced at Minjeong as she folded a blanket and tossed it over the back of the sofa. The air held a chill, a reminder that winter had firmly settled outside the confines of your makeshift refuge.

She nonchalantly dropped a stack of DVDs onto the coffee table, the worn covers hinting at countless movie nights spent in this room. Minjeong leaned over the desk, planting her hands on the edge. Minjeong's gaze shifted to you, What do you feel like watching?"

I shrugged, my gaze scanning the room as if the answer lay hidden in the faded wallpaper. "Anything. Surprise me." She picked a random DVD, its label scratched and worn. She put the disc into the blueray reader and grabbed the remote. The sofa creaked as Minjeong plopped down, patting the cushion next to her. "Grab a blanket. It's gonna get colder."

You complied, dragging a fuzzy throw from the back of a nearby chair. You two draped yourselves in layers of warmth, settling into the groove of the well-worn sofa cushions. The silence enveloped you, a familiar companion that required no words.

Halfway through the movie, however, Minjeong looked at the sky: it stopped snowing. It was like the snow had purged all the previous filth between the clouds and smog and left it a pure black, only decorated by the glowing stars. Minjeong kept slapping at your leg and pointing at the sky until you turned around and the view stunned you.

Objective 4: Hold that hand

“Wow…” your friend whispered.

“Yep,” you said back. The two of you continued to watch the sky, while Kung Fu Panda 2 was becoming noise in the background and your conversation shifted to the sight. You raised an arm, pointing at the bright dots.

“You know, the color of a star indicates its temperature,” you said. “Hotter stars appear blue or white, while cooler ones look red.”

“How is it red if it’s colder?” Minjeong said, puzzled.

“It’s about the waves of light emitted. To put it simply, cooler stars emit less blue light so they look red.”

Minjeong smiled, “That's interesting, but you know, in astrology, stars, and their positions also play a significant role. I'm a Capricorn, ruled by Saturn, and it says a lot about my personality.”

As soon as you heard the word ‘astrology’ you sighed heavily and rolled your eyes, sliding down the sofa. Minjeong has already filled your head with that stuff to the brim. Whenever she had time or whenever she bought a magazine from the news kiosk, she’d start reading the entire thing of the signs, you don’t even remember what it was called.

“Astrology, Minjeong? Seriously?”

Your friend furrowed her eyebrows from annoyance and spoke defensively, “What? It's fascinating! Capricorns are disciplined, ambitious, and practical. I mean, doesn't that sound like me?”

“Disciplined? Sure. But practical?” you laughed. “You're the one who believes in star signs.”

“Well, you're just a typical Capricorn skeptic. But I bet you secretly find it intriguing.”

You chuckled and shook your head. You two laughed it off and the silence resumed. After a brief moment, where your breaths signed the passing of time, you noticed Minjeong’s glow in the dark. Your heart fluttered as you watched her profile against the moonlight. Sometimes you forget your true feelings for your friend, but they always come back.

You sighed while turning back to the sky. “It's such a beautiful night, isn't it?” you whispered, masking the true meaning of your words because you weren’t really talking about the night. Both of you talked in codes, not on purpose but none of you could be honest. You were too scared of her possible answer and Minjeong was too scared to lose you.

“Yeah, it is,” she said softly. As you continued stargazing in comfortable silence, her mind swirled with a mixture of emotions. The recent revelations from your secret diary still lingered in her thoughts, and her unspoken feelings were twisting and turning inside her.

Her hand slowly crept up near you, a subconscious action maybe, a planned incident perhaps; but it was the perfect occasion. You felt her touch and didn’t think twice to hold her hand. The initial contact, when your fingers intertwine, sends a wave of warmth through you. The touch is surprisingly intimate, it felt like a bridge between Minjeong and you. In a way, her feelings were coursing through you.

Objective 5: Spill it out

“Today was perfect,” you say. Minjeong silently watches you with a soft smile. “You know, I’ve always been dreaming of this moment. To watch the stars with you…” your air suddenly blocked in your throat, “Well, I—” “I already know.”

“What?”

“I already knew it. That you wanted to watch the stars—and that you wanted to go skating… with me.”

You opened your mouth to ask her how but Minjeong was faster and pulled out the crumbled piece of paper, the title ‘BUCKET LIST’ was still visible. You panicked, your eyes flicking between her stupidly satisfied smile and your embarrassing, horribly written list of desires.

You gulped and started talking, stuttering, mumbling every word, “S-so did you see the di-diary?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god… I wanna die.”

“No, wait—”

“Forget everything Minjeong, no, well, you obviously can’t,” you blurted out, you didn’t know what to say anymore. “I’m sorry you had to read that. It was gross. I’m going to move out of the country, buy tickets, pack things, you’ll forget about me and I’ll start my new life—”

“I like you too!”

“What did you just say?” you stopped and looked at her with wide eyes.

Minjeong's admission hung in the air, and for a moment, the only sound between you two was the soft rustling of the crumpled bucket list paper in her hands. Your eyes widened, locked onto hers, searching for any sign of jest or misdirection, but all you found was true sincerity. Her pupils stared at you, eagerly waiting for your answer.

"You... you like me too?" you stammered, hesitant and scared that you might have heard the wrong words.

Minjeong nodded, a gentle smile playing on her lips. "Yes. I like you. I read your list, and it wasn't gross. It was... endearing. Honestly, it made my heart race a little."

A nervous laugh escaped your lips, a mixture of relief and newfound anxiety. "I thought I'd scared you away with that stuff."

Minjeong chuckled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Not at all. It made me realize we share the same dreams, the same desires. I've been wanting to do those things too, you know?"

The weight of uncertainty lifted, replaced by a warmth that settled deep within. You felt a connection, a shared vulnerability that made the revelation less daunting. "So... what does this mean?" you asked, your voice soft.

She leaned in, her gaze unwavering. "It means we don't have to dream about those things anymore. We can make them happen together."

A grin broke across your face, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness. "Yeah, together."

Minjeong's hand found yours, and this time, it wasn't just for a casual touch but a deliberate, reassuring connection. The stars above seemed to twinkle in approval as you both sat there, hand in hand, in the quiet realization that your shared dreams weren't just fantasies on a crumpled piece of paper anymore—they were possibilities waiting to unfold.

“There’s still a last wish on that list I can fulfill…” Minjeong whispered. She took a deep breath and went for it.

She kissed you.

Minjeong's eyes, soft and inviting, met yours, and at that moment, the world outside faded into insignificance.

"I've been wanting to do this," Minjeong whispered, her voice a delicate murmur that hung in the space between you. Her fingers grazed the side of your face, a feather-light touch that sent a shiver down your spine. The proximity between you became charged, the magnetic pull undeniable.

You didn't need words. The unspoken agreement lingered in the air, and with a gentle tilt of her head, Minjeong closed the distance. The first brush of her lips against yours felt like the tentative caress of a butterfly's wings, a delicate exploration that spoke volumes. It was a moment of hesitancy and boldness, a dance between vulnerability and longing.

You didn’t say anything else, the look in your and her eyes understood each other perfectly and you kissed again. The first one was a quick peck, a mix of fear and sudden braveness. The second one was the overflow of your feelings, a long and deep kiss, a slow fusion of warmth and connection.

The world outside might have continued its relentless pace, but within the embrace of that kiss, time became elastic, bending to the rhythm of your shared heartbeat. It was a stolen moment, a stolen kiss, and yet, it felt like something long overdue, as if the universe itself had conspired to bring your lips together in this tender collision.

When the kiss finally broke, your lips naturally curled into a large smile while she hid under the blanket from the embarrassment. Minjeong emerged only a moment later, red and flustered. “Uhm, I wasn’t too bad, right? That was my first kiss…”

“It was my first too, and no, it wasn’t bad. It was amazing,” you said honestly. “I just like how I dreamed.”

Minjeong and you laughed together. This was just the start of the many more desires you two would fulfil together.

Mission completed

THE END

Written, 03 December 2023 - 14 December 2023

#aespa #aespa winter #winter #kim minjeong #kpop fluff #kpop #aespa fluff #winter fluff

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c-schroed · 1 year

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Podcasts I Adore - Re: Dracula or This Year, Our Friend Jonathan Has a Podcast!

"I had for dinner, or rather supper, a chicken done up some way with red pepper, which was very good but thirsty. (Memorandum: Get recipe for Mina.)"

I wanted to join "Dracula Daily" ever since I heard of it. To me, this is a stroke of genius; it's just the perfect approach to this book. I mean, not only is Bram Stoker's horror classic an epistolary novel with precise dates given for every journal entry or letter written by one of its protagonists, it also spans quite an ideal amount of time, i.e. roughly half a year. Long enogh to give it a feeling of something interesting and important slowly unraveling, short enough to not feel like too much of a commitment.

So yeah, I really wanted to join "Dracula Daily". Especially because I wanted to read the novel in English for years already (so far I've only read its German translation, because that's my native language). But, alas, I do not find the time so easily to add a book to my to do list, so I ended up not joining this lovely book club last year, fearing I'd miss out on most of the entries sooner or later.

Enter "Regarding Dracula". Right after seeing it for the very first time I knew this will be perfect for me. I already have a habit of listening to audio drama on my daily commute, and preferably in the form of fictional podcasts. So quite literally, @re-dracula had me at hello.

And gosh, they did not disappoint. Although I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed to find out that the format is more that of a classical audio drama, with voice actors speaking every line of their respective character. Originally, I was hoping for a more podcast-like approach, meaning that each actor speaks all of the text of a journal entry or letter, period. As if Jonathan would make a podcast instead of notes in his journal. I simply like it when audio fiction uses the possibilities of podcasts, and "Dracula" felt like something that could profit from this way of storytelling, too. So yes, I admit it: I was a bit disappointed. But not for long.

After hearing just a few sentences of Karim Kronfli as Dracula, I immediately understood the decision to breathe life into each character this way. I mean, I love Ben Galpin's work as Jonathan, but Dracula really, really profits from Kronfli's nonchalant but still breathtakingly powerful and confident take on this charakter.

And Mr. Kromfli is not the only one who makes a redefiningly marvellous job here. So far, all the voice actors go far out of their way to make me fall in love with each and every one of them: Ben Galpin's Jonathan is heartbreakingly relatable, Isabel Adomakoh Young's Mina is capable and charming beyond measure, and Beth Eyre's Lucy is just gorgeous. Yes. I'm in love.

In addition to all that talent of its cast, "Re: Dracula" also has a neat and absolutely on point score and sound design. And, just like the basic idea of "Dracula Daily", it really gives you a feeling of how time passes between the journal entries and letters. Haven't heard anything of Jonathen for a while? One does start to worry a bit. Lucy answering to Mina just two days after the Mina's letter? Wow, that was quick, I guess (not sure how quickly the postal service worked back then, though). Even if one has read "Dracula" again and again, I am sure this form of presentation can grant new insights!

So, if you, like me, are a more eager listener than reader, or if you happen to like close-to-perfection audio drama, then please give this a shot! I bet you, like me, will soon be finding yourself eagerly, yearningly awaiting the next bit of news from your good friend Jonathan, who hopefully soon returns from that terrible business trip of his. 9 out of 10 points.

#re: dracula #dracula daily #dracula daily deluxe #audio fiction #podcast #podcast review #audiobook #horror #classic #dracula #bram stoker #karim kronfli #isabel adomakoh young #beth eyre #i'm hooked #i'm so very darn hooked #schroed's thoughts

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pocarinapyon · 2 years

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[Mild] Naughty Journal Sumeru Edition

Imagine having a journal dedicated for jotting down all [lewd] fantasies about that certain hot guy. But then one thing led to another and now mister certain hot guy learns of your indecent thoughts towards him. What happens next?

Contents include [Journal Entry Highlights] and [How they find out about your secret and their reaction].

Starring : Alhaitham, Cyno, Kaveh, Tighnari, Wanderer (Separate)

Tags / Warnings : 🌶 [Mild Chili] Suggestive themes; Stalking; Masturbating; Stray cuss words; (Me) fangirling over Alhaitham; A hint of drama / feeling insecure if you squint; Implication of human trafficking; Mentions of being affected by posion mushroom (please, do not carelessly approach, eat, or touch mushrooms unless confirmed they are safe); (Over exposure to) Aphrodisiac; Tighnari's scene 😳; etc.

I have no beta reader so...yes. Sorry if there are grammatical / spelling errors.

Also, most scenes are on or before version 3.3 because I have been slacking on my Archon Quest.

Future Plan : Chilis Naughty Journal Sumeru Edition; But first, I will finish the ones listed in Teasers Maltesers (Jan 13)

Links : Pinned Post, [Mild] Naughty Journal ft. Albedo, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya (Separate), [Chilis] Naughty Journal ft. Albedo, Childe, Diluc, Kaeya (Separate), [Mild + Chili] Naughty Journal Scaramouche Request, Teasers Maltesers (Jan 13)

Note : [W/N] means Wanderer's Name.

Target audience is female (bodied) reader.

To whoever is reading, please enjoy and look forward to [NSFW Ending] in the far future.

——————————————————

📚 ALHAITHAM

Journal Entry Highlights :

> In all honesty, the only reason why I am working hard as a scholar is not for the prestige or the Akademiya. 🙄

> Who cares if I graduated from the Akademiya?

> Now, I just want a good reason to interact with the scribe.

> Will I ever catch the full, undivided attention of our virile scribe? 🥺

> Archons look at those rock hard muscles 🤤🥩

> And down there, I bet he has a big juicy package. 🤤🌭

> HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT A SCHOLAR??!

> I've never taken a penis before but I sure as hell would not mind if Alhaitham breaks my mouth or pussy. 🥺🥵

> *based on observations and approximations, insert Alhaitham's length and girth when flaccid and when erected complete with an "as close as possible" drawing of his penis*

> *insert detailed fantasies of you and Alhaitham doing the deed and recording it using the Akasha... For future reference 👀*

> *insert calculations of how long Alhaitham would last in bed*

> *insert details of how you masturbate to Alhaitham*

> *insert fantasies of how Alhaitham masturbates and where his preferred spots are*

> Fuck, I want Alhaitham to breed me so bad! 🥵

> *insert something like Punnett Square here*

> *insert description of your offsprings based on calculation and data*

> I need to become a better scholar so I can be a worthy breeding material. ❤️

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

“Excuse me,” you modestly asked the group of students perched on a bench outside the Akademiya. "Have you seen a [favourite colour] journal with a dendro symbol engraved on its cover?"

"No. Did you lose your journal?" eyeing you from head to toe, one of the students asked curtly.

"Why would a researcher lose their journal? Only an unsystematic person who's incapable of passing the Akademiya would do that," another responded.

"I believe the correct question is: why would a researcher not use the Akasha? Don't tell me you don't know how to utilize it?" the last of the group mocked.

To this, the students laughed.

Of course. As expected from the people of the Akademiya. Most of them were a bunch of entitled pricks and this group - luckily - was one of them. Why did you even bother asking nicely?

Regardless if they were kind or not, you still had to act friendly. Why? Because it was an emergency. Your notebook full of Alhaitham smut was missing. Five days already passed and still the naughty journal was yet to be seen. You figured no one would take interest in a non-academic-looking journal but it seems you were wrong...hopefully. Archons, all you wanted was to have your notebook in your arms.

A defeated sigh escaped your lips. You were desperate to look for it and inquiring with people was your last resort. You never really had your hopes up but you figured it was worth a shot. Apparently, retracing your steps bore no fruit. Now, it didn't matter if a commoner or even the General Mahamatra found the item. As long as Alhaitham himself doesn't know, you were contented. Why?

Because he was a bookworm. The last time you were sure you were in possession of your debauchery-filled notebook was when you saw the scrivener and sneaked behind him to ogle at his build. When you arrived at your room to add a lewd entry, lo and behold the journal was gone. Imagine what if the scribe found it?

Agh! Whatever! Maybe the young man was right. Maybe you were unsystematic. Maybe your writing, like majority of your academic paper, was already in the trash. It made sense because you weren't from a family of scholars, anyway.

Exhausted, you shook your head, chose to tune out the discourteous remarks thrown at you and flee the scene.

"It seems you three are not in the know," a manly voice said.

That voice! You'd recognize that even if you were blindfolded! Of course you'd love to hear his voice anytime but you'd prefer it in a more expressive manner.

For example, hearing him grunt as he fucks you deep.

"The reason why Miss [your name] decided to instead utilize a hand-written journal is because of the sensitive data in her research. Its details are not yet in the Akasha and it is strictly not intended for audiences such as yourselves," Alhaitham reasoned. "Miss, did your assistant misplace your notes?"

OMG! OMG! Alhaitham - THE Alhaitham - was talking to you!

"Yes. It is as you said," you choked out, riding along his speculation.

Alhaitham was wrong about you having an assistant but he was right about the data being sensitive.

Anyway, the point was!

The point was! Alhaitham, your sexy academic stud, interacted with you! And he defended you against these pups!

However, proud people, when their exaggerated self-esteem is trampled upon, would retaliate.

"Not for audiences such as ourselves? Are you calling us less-learned?? You are just a scribe!" one of the students grouched.

"Dear, did you know that being a scribe requires a high level of education?" you calmly retorted, crossing your arms as elegantly as possible.

Keep cool! Keep cool! The toothsome scrivener was watching!

"What do you mean? A scribe only serves as a public secretary, nothing more!"

"A scribe, my dear, is a LEARNED person who indeed serves as a copyist, among other roles. Tell us then, how do you think can a scribe produce academically correct and non-ambiguous reports if he does not understand the data given to him?" you raised an eyebrow as you questioned the dumbfounded students. How dare they talk smack against your stud??

You could see it in their eyes. They wanted to argue back but they learned, based from the word definition in the Akasha, that you were right. They still had an insignificant probability to win the debate but you didn't want them to actually come up with a retort. Showing no mercy against pip-squeaks like these, your favourite trump card was-

"It seems you lack the vocabulary - something a student such as yourselves should expand. You are all from [Darshan], correct? Perhaps I should suggest to add linguistics courses to you all so you may enrich your knowledge."

Additional subjects to extend the academic years recommended by an alumnus. Who would want that, right?

"Ahem! N - no need," a student quickly replied.

The three students hurriedly gathered their belongings and scrambled to their feet.

"We didn't find any [favourite colour] notebook. Try somewhere else," they said before dashing away with their tails between their legs.

Alhaitham let out an amused chuckle. Knowing the scribe rarely showed any emotions, you wanted to see what kind of expression was he making. However, you were too embarrassed to look at your saviour.

"Ahem...," you noised. "Thank you."

With this, you finally had the courage to face Alhaitham. As usual, he had a serious look on his face - similar to a person who had not had coffee in the morning. In response to your gratitude, he simply nodded.

"You ought to be careful," the scribe spoke.

"Yes, you're right. Thank you," you responded rather too quickly as Alhaitham's next move drained the colors on your face.

It was as you feared. Alhaitham had your naughty journal - your oh-so-sinful diary. All you could do was freeze and stare at the object as he nonchalantly handed it to you. In your mind, you calculated the probability of the scribe reading your notes.

After a few seconds of what seemed to you like years, Alhaitham noised to catch your attention, his hands still in the air to return your item. You stuttered and shakily took the notebook from the man.

"T - Thank you...," you squeaked quietly, now red as a henna berry.

Around ninety-nine percent. That was how likely he read your notes.

"It would be troublesome if someone else found your journal. Luckily for you, it was an eremite. He did not understand its contents and nearly decided to hand it over to the nearest scholar around. But when he flipped the pages and saw a drawing of me, he deemed I was its best recipient."

So, the eremite did not see your lewd drawings? Or did he not understand you drew some penises?

"I applaud how detailed your entries are. Your thorough descriptions assists in picturing the narrated erotic scenes. Even the way how you and I masturbated were vividly represented."

"You've read it?!" you gasped in surprise.

You shrank. Obviously he read it. If he didn't, he would not know you wrote something about masturbating, right? You should have known a percent probability meant a trivial chance.

"Th - Then earlier, with those students...?"

"What I said was true, wasn't it? The information contained in that journal are all sensitive. I believe I also mentioned they are not suitable audiences to read these notes," Alhaitham responded plainly, as if the situation was not embarrassing at all. Well, for him it wasn't.

"W - wha...! B - But, when you said it is not in the Akasha terminal...?!" you stuttered again, spouting nonsense as your thoughts were occupied in recalling all the lewd entries you had written in your notebook.

"Another fact," Alhaitham simply replied before issuing a warning. "Although an Akasha terminal can be used to record events, I would advise against it."

He then proceeded to discuss why it was not ideal to utilize the Akasha in recording, especially pornographic scenes. Of course, you weren't a kid and you knew the dos and don'ts, yet the scribe reprimanded you as if you actually did a don't.

"I understand, thank you. It was just a fantasy, though," was all you could utter after the brief lecture, to which Alhaitham hummed in response.

“Oh, and one more thing,” he added.

The scribe pinned you against the wall while gazing into your eyes, making you squeal and feel your legs turn jelly. His intent stare was as if he was deciphering your very core. You squeezed your thighs and waited for his next words.

"You should correct your data. Compared to what you have declared, my penis is bigger, and my stamina and erection can last longer."

What??

You were stunned at Alhaitham's bold declaration, gawking as vulgar scenes flashed into your mind. Your pussy cried love juice and excitedly clenched at nothing. So he was bigger? If you two did the deed, would he fit?? And if he did, how long would he pound your poor untrained pussy???

Why would he reveal such things in the first place?!

As if pinning you wasn't enough for a tease, the scribe blessed you with a seductive smirk before whispering in your ear.

"I can provide you actual data if you wish."

----------

🐺 CYNO

Journal Entry Highlights :

> The General Mahamatra always look so serious

> I mean, his job must be so stressful, right? 😳

> He must have a lot of pent-up desires, right? 😳😳

> *insert fantasy wherein you suggest giving Cyno head to ease his tension*

> *insert fantasy wherein Cyno lets out his sexual frustrations on you*

> RAWR I BET HE'S GOING TO BE ROUGH 🥵😏

> *insert fantasy wherein Cyno fucks you all evening*

> "Heh... You're finally awake. I've already dumped a couple of loads into you. Your pussy is literally oozing out my cum."

> If Cyno would punish me, I hope it would be sexual torture 🥵😏

> *insert roleplay fantasy here wherein you are hunted down by Cyno and he uses you as a cum dump instead*

> Feel free to use my body, sir 🥵

> But in all seriousness, I hope he gets to relax, even for just a few minutes 🥺

> *insert sweet fluffy scenes with Cyno here*

> *insert cute domestic scenes here*

> Speaking of which, I heard him telling a joke once. I shouldn't pry but... I don't know if I'll laugh at the joke itself, or his delivery, or his poker face, or his long explanation! 🤣

> His joke went like : *insert Cyno's joke here*

> *insert more of Cyno's jokes here*

> *insert your own personal comeback or supplement to his jokes*

> If we are going to have babies, I bet Cyno would pass down all his jokes as inheritance

> Cute desert babies!! 😍❤️

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

You excitedly packed your belongings, smiling happily at the thought of traveling with expenses already paid.

"You've always wanted to go there, right? Well, you're in luck as I have to conduct research in the area. Why don't you join me? I'll cover your lodging."

It was a too-good-to-be-true opportunity - too appealing that you did not let it pass even when you had some doubts. Anyway, surely your friend would not scam you when they said you could tag along in their journey free of charge. You had your own money so even if they did make you contribute Mora, you were prepared.

As a scholar of Amurta, you wanted to learn more about life behind The Wall of Samiel. In this trip, maybe you could practice adapting in the desert. Maybe you could learn more about the desert people's culture and preferences. You know, just in case you and Cyno decided to have kids and settle down in the desert.

Which was impossible, currently. Because number one: Cyno was a dedicated General Mahamatra. And number two: Cyno had no clue you and him were dating.

"Hi, thanks for letting me join you in your research!" you immediately greeted your friend with gratitude.

"No problem! We have to hurry, though. We don't want to be late on our accommodations," your friend brushed off, focusing on their map and beckoning you to pick up the pace.

You got to your meeting place thirty minutes early yet your friend made it seem you were late. Whatever, you couldn't complain. You were benefitting from this expedition anyway. Instead of grumbling, you acted like a sensible adult, did as instructed, and darted to where your friend ran off to.

"Uhm... Is this the right way to Caravan Ribat?" you confirmed, huffing as you tried to speak while jogging.

"No. We won't be passing through Caravan Ribat," your friend responded, making you think for a second.

Why wouldn't you go through Caravan Ribat? Was there another route you could use to travel to the desert? Where exactly were you two going to stay anyway? Before you could voice your doubts, your companion moved on to talk about their research.

You and your friend discussed academics without forgetting to hurry your pace. It was a long travel, almost as if you were trying to make a stray cat lost, but the conversation you had made the trip enjoyable. Soon enough, you indeed both reached the desert.

You marveled at its wonderful sight, a scenery totally different from the rainforests and greeneries you were used to. You saw henna berries and wondered if you could make a dish Cyno would like. You also saw scarabs and thought how hard-working they seemed - pretty much like the General Mahamatra. Another creature that reminded you of the man was the desert fox, because you find them both cute.

Marching forward, you saw wooden structures on the distance. Was that the place you were headed? You did not expect it to be livable, though. Far from it, in fact. In a place like that, what would you do if a sandstorm occurred? Where would you get water for drinking? What about for hygiene? How-

"Well, well. Look who we have here," a rough voice greeted you both. "Purchasing one wasn't enough for you, eh?"

Three eremites popped out from hiding and surrounded you, all of them wearing a grin that spelled trouble.

"I have the goods," your friend declared.

"W - what's going on...? You brought them goods? What goods?" you nervously asked as your flight senses screamed at you.

"Sorry, [your name]," was all your friend said to you while grabbing your arm. "I have the girl. Now, where are my canned knowledge?"

"What?! Let me go, now!!" you yelped, kicked, and resisted. With a successful punch, you managed to free yourself from the traitor's grasp before falling prey to one of the eremite's strong hold. "Nooo! Let! Me!! Go!!!"

"Haha! She looks feisty. I like it!" an eremite said, eyeing you from head to toe. He licked his lips and it clarified what would become of you if you didn't escape.

"Good! Good! This almost looks like an excellence exchange. Except we need to sample your goods first," another one commented.

"She's a hindrance to my research. Do what you want with her, I don't care. As long as you give me the canned knowledge," the bastard you once considered friend revealed as they gave you a scornful look.

The foul declaration made your stomach churn. So this was the reason why your instincts told you to decline the offer. You should have known and listened.

"Well, aren't you too eager? You hear that, girl? We're going to have loads of fun with you," to this, the three eremites guffawed and started touching your defenseless body.

You struggled against the tight hold on you. It didn't matter if you ended up with broken bones. Escape was far more important than anything else right now.

But something distracted them - something behind you made one eremite look wary and draw his sword. Meanwhile, your bastard colleague's face turned pale, suddenly shrieking and bolting away faster than lightning.

Cyno, the General Mahamatra, was here.

Your saviour easily dealt with the small group of eremites before instructing you to stay put. You did as told and watched your self-declared boyfriend go after the treacherous scholar. In less than thirty minutes, Cyno returned with your now unconscious acquaintance, their crotch area wet from fear.

Cyno scanned you from head to toe. He already captured his target but it seems there might be one more. Judging from the way you trembled, you were either hiding something illegal or still in shock.

"Trading canned knowledge is strictly prohibited," he initiated.

"I am aware," you responded weakly, shaking from both fear and excitement. "I - I was nearly sold for canned knowledge by that person. Thank you for saving me."

Cyno's eyes widened momentarily. So that was why you were in a compromising position earlier. He noted to make sure to double this person's punishment.

To investigate further, the General Mahamatra questioned you about the situation to which you obliged.

"Where are the canned knowledge?"

"I don't know," you said sheepishly as you felt pressured not knowing the answer. "I'm not even sure if these eremites really possessed them in the first place. But they did mention something about buying once was not enough?"

Cyno once again studied your movements. Your accounts and his information about this person matched. Plus, you seemed to be telling the truth. To formally conclude his investigation, he needed to check your belongings and ensure you did not possess canned knowledge or anything else that was prohibited.

Punishment did not scare you. You knew you were innocent so you let Cyno freely scan your stuff. He ran through your clothes - including your cute undies; your academic notes and books; your sufficient-just-for-travel Mora; your own Casket of Tomes; your naughty journal.

Oh, right! You had it with you in fear that someone might stumble upon it while you were away. You gasped loudly; colors drained your face as you watched Cyno open the notebook. This prompted the General Mahamatra to think the daybook contained something along the lines of academic fraud or plagiarism. An evidence of misdeed.

But what he discovered was far from what he assumed. Now he understood why you were horrified. Nothing has ever fazed him before but this - this was just too much that the quiet Cyno was left even more speechless. Almost everything written in the journal was all about your horny thoughts towards him.

Almost but not all.

You dreaded the passing minutes. Wait, was perverting the General Mahamatra illegal? It's not like you were publicly doing it, right? It was just a journal after all, something akin to therapy. In any case, you waited for Cyno's verdict.

"So...," Cyno coughed, hiding the embarrassment coursing through his body after browsing through your notes. "You...liked my joke?"

Cyno focused on the less bawdy information in your notes. He may not show it but you knew he was pleased. Still, it did not immediately dispel the shame you felt from being exposed.

"U - uhm - yes. Yes, I do...," you answered bashfully.

"You had an impressive addition for the joke about sumpter beasts. Do you mind if I use that joke myself?"

"Oh! I - uh - I don't mind. Please feel free."

"And you play Genius Invocation TCG too?"

"Yeah, I do. I watched you play once and you looked so cool. I started learning recently so I'm not as skilled as you."

"And you're my girlfriend?"

"I - I was just fantasizing!! Sorry!" you yipped. "It will not get me in trouble, will it?"

This Cyno. You were starting to relax around him! Why did he have to bring up an embarrassing topic? Wait. Was that an amused smile on his face? It must be, otherwise you were hallucinating under the scorching heat.

Cyno nodded before putting all your stuff neatly back in place.

"You're cleared. I'll escort you back home before handing this researcher for trial, and I will make sure it will be a severe one on your behalf. Be extra cautious next time," he concluded, handing you your backpack. "After this, when can I see you again?"

----------

🏛 KAVEH

Journal Entry Highlights :

> My Kaveh is not like any other scholar and I am so proud of him! ❤️

> He is so approachable and he is not snobbish (as others) and he is so open-minded and ❤️❤️

> Notice me please, sir ❤️❤️❤️

> If I told him I was dying and I needed him to fuck me as cure, will he do it? 😳👀👀‼️

> *insert crack / smut scenario wherein you ask Kaveh to cure you through sex*

> No, of course I would not stoop as low

> No, he is not the reason why I chose the Darshan Kshahrewar 🙄

> But he is the reason why I stayed 😏

> Why does he have to be so nice?? It's giving me mixed signals!! 😭😭

> If he and I were to be together... 🥺😍❤️

> Out of all the scholars in Sumeru, I want Kaveh to be my spouse ❤️

> *insert drafts / designs of dream house and rooms here*

> Sir, please give me babies. ❤️

> *insert Kaveh smut here*

> *insert portraits of Kaveh here*

> *insert more smut here wherein you and Kaveh had done the deed in every. single. room*

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

“Excuse me, Kaveh, sir!” you approached the blonde-haired man seated on the library, drafting away on a sheet of paper. The desk was fully occupied by him as his tools and other materials took up much space.

"Hello!" Kaveh greeted and despite getting distracted, he smiled pleasantly at you.

Noticing the cute lion hairclip and the adorable accessories, he recognized his favourite junior immediately: someone whose ideas were akin to his. [Your name].

Other scholars, regardless of their Darshan, had always judged you wrong. Your sense of style, both in appearance and in work approach, always gave them the initial impression that you did not have what it takes to graduate.

Yet here you were, an accomplished architect standing in front of him.

"Just Kaveh will do, you know? So how can I help you?" he asked, resting his cheeks on his knuckles, happy to see a like-minded soul.

"Yes, uhm...," you said bashfully, stifling a giggle that's about to burst from you. "I'm looking for the scribe-"

"Why??" he immediately cut, straightening his body and squinting at you disapprovingly.

You almost laughed at your senior's reaction. You knew he liked to complain about his roommate - his benefactor - and you took advantage of this just so you could have extra time to talk to the architect. You could have gone straight to your concern without mentioning Alhaitham but no, you just had to.

"Isn't he supposed to be in his office? Wait, of course he isn't! You wouldn't be asking me otherwise if he were there, right?" Kaveh grumbled. To this, you finally let out a laugh and apologized immediately. "Ugh! Seriously! So, why did you need him anyway?"

"He rejected my application form," you sighed, showing your senior the request form you filled out with a big red REJECT mark on it.

Kaveh took your form and beckoned you to take the seat beside him. You happily obliged, patiently waiting for your crush to review your request for accessing archived materials. Judging by the look on his face, you knew he was going to complain yet again.

"This looks properly written! I don't understand why Alhaitham would decline this?!" Kaveh bursted, huffing as he re-read what you wrote for the nth time. "You even explained why you needed the materials, for what project, for whom, and for how long. See! These are complete details! Geez...! That guy..."

"Pfft... Ahem...," you wanted to laugh out loud, really, but you were in a library. On the other hand, Kaveh had no problems being loud in a quiet place like this. "I want to know why my request got denied as well, so I was thinking of asking him personally," you reasoned.

"No need!" the architecture puffed, handing the paper back to you. "Just file another request with the EXACT SAME CONTENTS. If he approves that then he is so going to get a piece of my mind!"

"Thank you for your advice."

Kaveh looked so cute. The pout on his lips indicated he was displeased with the matter. Then a smirk formed on his face as he imagined his win on the debate against the scribe.

"Sorry if I disturbed you," standing up, you told the daydreaming man.

"Hehe. It's no problem," Kaveh replied who was suddenly in a good mood after his outburst. "Let me know if your request gets approved, okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

...

"Ugh!! I swear he could be so unreasonable sometimes! No, make that all the time!" Kaveh grumbled yet again after finding out Alhaitham rejected your request.

"It's okay. He recommended another book so I did gain something," as much as you liked Kaveh, you still defended Alhaitham because he indeed suggested a better alternative.

"If you ask me, he should have lent you the other one as well. For extra inspiration, you know?" Kaveh pouted as he sensed he lost the chance to impress you and you were siding with his roommate.

This time, you agreed with the architect's reasoning and nodded in agreement. He sighed and decided to stop the Alhaitham slander.

"By the way... What do you think about this design?" the renowned architect asked, showing you his craft. He then proceeded to explain his client's request and discussed the idea behind his design in line with the requirements.

You were humbled immediately. Why would your senior ask for your advice? You were his junior and he was way better than you! You should be getting recommendations from him instead! Despite the thoughts plaguing you, you tried to take in the details he provided.

"So basically, that's what the couple wanted for their vacation lot."

"Isn't this confidential?" was your first response after he was done talking.

"Meh... Yeah," Kaveh replied carelessly with a shrug. "It's okay if it's you. Your opinion matters to me."

Your opinion matters to me. See, this was why you liked Kaveh.

"Uhm - if you say so...," you said nervously as you finally tried to gather your thoughts.

"Don't panic!" Kaveh urged, knowing fully well why your hands trembled. "I wouldn't be asking just anybody, you know?" he encouraged, giving you a persuasive wink.

You blushed at the man. At times like this, you wanted to burst and admit that you liked - no - loved him so much. But you were afraid you might just be reading too much, hallucinating that his actions were advances. He was just a nice, expressive man, that's all.

You shook your head, took in a deep breath, and focused on what your senior asked you.

"This. If the client wanted to go for that kind of feel, then I think...," you murmured while drawing a design on a separate sheet of paper.

Kaveh's smile never once disappeared on his face. Chin on his knuckles, with much adoration, he watched you draw alternatives for his design. If only he could help you trust your abilities a little more.

You and Kaveh shared ideas back and forth, igniting more inspirational thoughts within each other which led you to accomplish the draft he needed to do. He proudly raised the design and admired the finished product.

"This, [your name], right here, is our child," he declared, complimenting each and every detail on the masterpiece.

"Calling it our child is too much, don't you think?" you squeaked, afraid he might catch on to your secret feelings.

"No, it's not! It is exactly what it is!" Kaveh whined, pouting at your disapproving remarks. "Look, this right here was your idea-"

Kaveh went on with his praises, jubilantly reminding the impressive job you and he did together as a "couple".

...

This table.

This table was where you and Kaveh made a child together days ago. Sadly, it wasn't a real kid, but a project together was still something. You placed your stuff down, took out your materials, and let your brain work. It was time for you to make your own draft.

You scribbled away. You drew and drew yet the outcome did not meet your expectations. This was not what your client wanted. Yes, you had inspiration, but your ideas were all about life with Kaveh. You sighed and decided to make another entry on your private journal.

On a blank page, you started to design a bedroom. You meticulously detailed the area, taking into account where you wanted the sun's rays to be; how you expected the beddings to look like; what pattern should the curtains and rugs have; etcetera etcetera. All the little things. Just as you were about to make the finishing touch-

"Is that your dream room?" a very recognizable voice crept from behind.

"Kaveh!!" you squealed, slamming your notebook shut in trepidation.

Noticing the sketch was drawn in a notebook, Kaveh assumed it contained designs of your personal tastes. He grinned at you mischievously, waiting for a right moment.

"Y - you scared me...," you wheezed, slowly hiding the notebook away which your senior did not fail to notice.

Kaveh really did give you a fright. Luckily, there wasn't anything unusual on your splayed journal - just your recently drawn bedroom design. Archons, if he were to see the previous contents-

"Hey, can I see?"

"No!" you immediately reacted.

"Why not? Come on! Just a peek?" Kaveh pleaded.

There you were again, hiding your talent.

Complimenting your skills and praising your craft was the only thing Kaveh could do. Anything more might creep you out and make you avoid him. He wished you gave him a chance.

"No! It's embarrassing...!" you begged, almost throwing your notebook back into your bag but Kaveh was quick to stop you.

He shouldn't but he needed to resort to extreme measures.

"Hehe, got it!" Kaveh teased, now holding your naughty journal.

"No! Kaveh, stop!" you pleaded but the tall man disregarded your request.

He immediately flipped on the back of the notebook. Judging from his reaction, from the way he hummed in approval, he was looking at the recent drawing. Good. There was hope that your dirty secret remains as is.

"You saw it. Now can I get it back?" you tried yet from the way you croaked, failed to hide how defensive you sounded.

"Aww... Why would your hide something this pretty?" Kaveh cooed, flipping through the previous page.

"Wait-!!" was all you could utter.

You stood there as equally frozen as Kaveh. In the page currently exposed was an art of him holding a rolled blueprint. Hearts of unequal sizes were littered everywhere and a speech bubble quoting "This, [your name], right here, is our child! ❤️" was directed to him. The red Kaveh, with saucerlike mouth, glanced at you and saw how flustered you were - you almost wanted to vanish.

Yet he continued.

Kaveh flipped through the pages and saw more entries. Some were architectural designs which included remarks as to why you think Kaveh would like it or why it was constructed as such should you and Kaveh married each other. Other drawings were of him in different poses and expressions, all of which had hearts here and there. At times, speech bubbles were present and he remembered these quotes were the exact words he told you. The most interesting of all the entries were the long texts. There were scattered lewd words and from there, he knew they were smut.

"You like me??!" Kaveh shrieked. "For how long now???"

His whole head was now burning red, you could almost see smoke coming out of his ears, nose, and mouth. He was so surprised that he had to lean back while placing a hand on his chest, gawking at you in astonishment.

You were equally as red as him and you wanted cry. In fact, tears already formed in your eyes. One more word from Kaveh and you were sure to grovel in despair.

"W - Wait! Wait! No! No! Don't cry...!" the blonde-haired man panicked, fidgeting if he should approach you or let you be or what to say or-

And then the tears fell followed by restrained sniffles and soft quaking of your shoulders.

"Oh no, no, no...!" Kaveh blurted, dashing to hold you in his arms and press your face onto his chest.

Archons, this was so embarrassing.

"Kaveh...!" you whimpered, to weak to do anything at all.

You liked him. That couldn't be right. Not when he held onto a conflicting piece of information.

"Argh! You're coming with me!" Kaveh spouted.

He packed your things, chucking everything carelessly in your bag, before dragging you to a more secluded area outside the Akademiya.

The garden. You and him alone together in the garden would have been romantic had it not been for the events earlier. The moment he stopped dragging you, he immediately clarified.

"Didn't you say you liked Alhaitham??"

"Huh?" was your response as you snuffled in confusion, still recovering from the awkward situation.

Really, this man could fluster you in many ways.

"Alhaitham. You told me you liked Alhaitham," Kaveh repeated, now more serious in his tone.

"When...?" your forehead wrinkled tightly, now getting annoyed and confused at the sudden accusation.

"Back when you were a student! You mentioned you had a crush on Alhaitham once and that was the first time you approached me. You told me you wanted to know my friend's name then you asked about your project so we worked on it together-"

And then it dawned on him. It wasn't Alhaitham. It was never Alhaitham. That guy was just your excuse so you could talk with each other. An icebreaker. Kaveh prided himself to be more knowledgeable in reading emotions yet he missed this very important pattern.

Your forehead was still tightly knitted, red puffy eyes glaring angrily at him. Archons, from all that happened earlier, you probably hated him now. But he had to do this, otherwise he won't have any other chance.

"So, you like me?" Kaveh, still not learning his lesson, badgered. You huffed out loud, exasperated with his antics. "No - just! I want to hear it from you! Do you like me?"

"Yes. Are you happy now?"

Did he really have to make you say it? Wasn't invading your journal enough??

"Really??" Kaveh beamed.

Why was he happy? Did he-

"I like you too, you know!" Kaveh bursted in excitement. "Archons, you should have told me from the start! All this time I thought you liked Alhaitham."

At this point, you weren't sure if you should believe him.

"What's with that look? Come on. I'm not lying! Hey, so, since we like each other, can we start dating now? Or will you give me the permission to properly court you?"

----------

🍄 TIGHNARI

Journal Entry Highlights :

> Tighnari's ears and tail look so fluffy! 🤩

> I WANT TO TOUCH THEM SO BAD!! 🤩‼️

> *insert drawings of Tighnari's head and tail here*

> But those aren't the only things I want to touch 😏

> So...does Tighnari have a knot or....??? 👀

> And does he have the urge to breed...? 🥵

> *insert fantasy wherein Tighnari is in a rut and he fills you*

> *insert fantasy wherein Tighnari fills you up to the brim and he plugs your pussy with his knot so the cum just stays there*

> *insert drawing of Tighnari with lust-filled eyes as he licked his lips*

> Tighnari is such a strict teacher, though. 🥺

> "You don't learn fast, do you? You should know by now that I want my cock deep inside you... All.the.way.in..."

> *insert fantasy of Tighnari forcing a hardcore fellatio*

> *insert fantasy of you and Tighnari on a mating press*

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

“Hey, hey! I see a withering zone! Oh - there's another one! Wait - wait!! Make that a total of three withering zones!” you shouted as you gazed on the Seed Mirror.

"How big are they and how far?" your peer asked in a loud voice so you could hear.

"Uh - wait, let me mark them on my map!" you answered as you plotted the location on your map. "I've got it!"

You jumped down from the watch tower and met with your companion. Your fellow forest ranger shook their head as they thought of how impulsive and reckless you could be.

"See, look. These are the three locations. Now this one right here looks waaay bigger than these two so I think it's urgent," you pointed.

"Archons, is this really the scope of this withering zone? It wasn't there last time, right? We should immediately report this to Tighnari then!" your companion suggested, alarmed at the big red loop drawn on your map.

"I know. You go on ahead. I'll continue with our route," you counter-proposed. "You can go back on your own, right?"

"Hey! Just because I don't have a Vision like you, doesn't mean I can't go back on my own!" your friend retorted, giving you a playful noogie.

"Ahaha! Sorry!" you laughed. "But really, you should head back."

"Are you sure you don't want to report this to Tighnari yourself?" your friend teased as they knew you had a huge crush on the Forest Watcher.

"Hah! I know that look!" you amusingly replied. "I don't mind if you report it to Tighnari. Someone has to continue our patrol route. If something unexpected happens, say another withering zone appeared or an ambush happened, then my Vision can at least give me some protection," you explained as tactfully as possible before repeating. "You go on ahead."

"Alright," your friend hesitated, yet they tucked your map away so they could depart. "Be careful, little miss reckless."

"I prefer being called little miss brave," you retorted.

You and your friend bid each other farewell. Touching your [element] Vision, a smile painted your face as you watched your friend sprint back to Gandharva Ville. It was for the best. You nodded before continuing your route.

The usual walk seemed to be normal. There were no travelers in need of assistance; no unusual activity harming the forest; no peculiar discrepancy in the beast population. It was just the usual lush greeneries and peaceful surroundings.

At the end of your patrol route was a forest ranger's watch post. You let yourself in and wrote today's findings on a logbook.

[Date time] - Three withering zones detected using Mawtiyima Forest Seed Mirror, one with wide range; to be reported by [friend's name] to Tighnari; No other unusual activities and no lost/troubled travelers encountered - [your name]

After the long routine, you sat down and took greedy gulps from your water bag, resting and relaxing your feet for a while. By now, you thought, Tighnari should be aware of the withering zone.

Oh, Tighnari, your cute fluffy leader.

You were finished with your route anyway. Maybe it was okay for you to check out the withering zones? Since you already knew where they were, you decided to go and guide wandering travelers in avoiding the said areas.

The trek to your destination was a long one so you opted to take shortcuts. As a forest ranger, you should set an example to passers-by that they should utilize the available pathways, yet here you were, away from the trail and traversing through the forest. You should be fine, you thought. You had a Vision.

Pacing further, you heard rustling noises. This prompted you to go into alert mode and steal a sneak peek. To your surprise, two floating hydro fungi and two floating dendro fungi seemed to be dancing around and releasing spores.

"What in the name of Archons...?" you whispered to yourself, jotting down notes.

Ah, shoot. If you reported this, Tighnari would give you an earful for not following the tracks and for wandering into the forest alone.

Anyway.

"...releasing spores... search the area for... Yep," you said as you wrote your thoughts down.

Mating. From what you know, the fungi were mating. Sexual reproduction, of course, was a normal thing. But was this a normal circumstance or was it anomalous?

Sneaking away from the love-making fungi, you investigated the area further. To your surprise, even other species were doing the deed. On one of a tree branch, you saw dusk birds on top of another. Not far from that tree, you even stumbled upon lizards on a mating hold.

What could be the cause of this?

You noted every single detail on your notebook as you judged this was indeed abnormal. Searching further, you noticed a pink puffy cloud coming from whatever it was behind a bush. You covered your mouth and nose with a scarf before sneaking on the unknown creature.

A pink-coloured poison mushroom. What an unusual shade!

Assuming you were in a safe distance, you wrote down your findings again and described the peculiar mushroom in detail.

"...pink gas cloud... Shape and pattern looks like...," you murmured, drawing the figure.

Odd. You were oddly starting to feel horny at an alarming pace.

No... It couldn't be...?

"Possibly emitting aphrodisiac." You quickly scribbled.

You immediately packed your notebook to flee, only to realize there were smaller pink poison shrooms around you hidden under bushes and tress. You failed to recognize them earlier as you were too engrossed with the bigger pink fungus. And now, it seems you fell right into their trap as all of them produced the pink fluff clouds, peppering your body with their spores.

"S - shoot...!" you cursed, feeling your crotch area ache.

...

"So [your name] was here," Tighnari murmured to himself as he put down the watch post's logbook.

The Forest Watcher Chief Officer himself scouted the area looking for you since you did not return to Gandharva Ville last night.

"She insisted that she should go alone. Knowing her, she must have gone to the withering zones."

Tighnari thought the same even if your co-ranger did not tell him. That reckless and foolhardy nature of yours was exactly the reason why he couldn't promote you as Forest Watcher. He knew why you were acting that way, though. Regardless, you always had him worried over you.

"I have a Vision, don't worry!" was what you would always retort.

It didn't matter if you had a Vision or not. Tighnari cared about you. And this was precisely what he feared. Wherever you were, he wished you were safe and away from harm.

If he were [your name], what would he do? Go off-track, of course!

He tried to simulate your steps, diving straight into the forest in hopes of finding you. He made his ears work extra hard to listen. He utilized high ground to search. He analyzed the surroundings to determine if you had gone through the same path or not. At last, his efforts were not in vain as he finally found your exhausted body seated under a tree, your back leaning on its hard trunk.

"[Your name]!" Tighnari called, darting towards you while staying on high alert.

Fast heart rate. Heavy breathing. Flushed skin. Profuse sweating. He wanted to but he couldn't possibly nag you right now.

"... Nari...," you cried weakly, opening your eyes in a small slit to confirm it was indeed your leader.

"I'm here. Tsk. I told you not to be too reckless. Now look at what happened," Tighnari said. Okay, maybe a little bit of reprimanding wouldn't hurt.

He took out his medicine box and scanned your symptoms. He placed the back of his hand on your neck to which you immediately avoided.

"Nari, don't...!" you uttered, distancing yourself as tears formed in the corners of your eyes. Self-restraint was hard. "Logbook."

You handed him your ranger's journal-on-the-go so it could better explain your situation. In it, he found out about your little misadventure yesterday. He read about the unusual phenomenon you encountered and the pink poison mushroom that affected you.

"I - I was poisoned...," you finally declared with a heavy heart. How could you impress Tighnari now?

You tried. You really tried not to touch yourself again, thinking it was the best option as it hurt when you did. But now that Tighnari himself was here, your urge to finger yourself increased ten fold. You squeezed your thighs in hopes of pleasuring yourself through the friction of your flesh.

"You're horny," Tighnari corrected, observing you as he put your logbook and his medicine box away. He then guided you to drink on his water bag. "You've been thinking about me, haven't you?"

"H - huh...??" you shrieked, eyes widening at Tighnari's bold assumption.

"I said you were thinking about having sex with me," Tighnari affirmed to which you gasped loudly. He brushed off the topic, returned his water bag in place, and explained, "You were right. That pink mushroom puffs out spores that can be used as aphrodisiac. They normally reproduce asexually and rarely sexually, though. A parent mushroom is usually surrounded by its offsprings because it constantly emits spores. Unfortunately, most of the time, the baby mushrooms don't survive so these pink mushrooms are rare to find. They can only hope their spores would grow somewhere else, wherever nature takes them."

You would have listened attentively if you weren't thinking about what Tighnari said.

You having sex with him.

"Is there any cure for this...?" you asked, panting.

"In your case, since you were overexposed, medicine would not be enough," Tighnari replied. "But there is another way."

Tighnari placed both his hands on your thighs and parted them to give him enough space, all the while observing the expression in your eyes. You felt his hands squeeze your flesh, making you moan and produce more love juice.

"T - Tighnari...!!" you cried, feeling weak from your crush's touch.

"We can do whatever you want in your fantasy," Tighnari said. "I know you have been perverting me. You want to fuck with me, right?"

Using one hand, he took yours and guided you to touch his crotch area. Your pussy spasmed as you felt how hard Tighnari was. Did he want to fuck you too?

"How did you know?" you breathily asked, rubbing your palm on Tighnari's cloth. At this point, you couldn't be bothered to hide how you felt towards him.

"Your naughty journal," Tighnari answered followed by an erotic groan. "Remember the time when I accidentally stumbled upon you writing on it? I lied when I said I didn't see anything," he revealed, losing his composure as you pressed your hands on his clothed manhood.

"So... All this time, you knew...?"

Rather than being embarrassed, you felt more courageous. Hearing Tighnari's erotic noises urged you to continue teasing him. You rubbed on his hard member faster to the point that his pre-cum stained his lower garments.

But Tighnari would never let you have the upper hand. You were under the effects of aphrodisiac and he intended to take advantage of that. He pressed his knee on your crotch area, hitting your puffy clit and making you weak in an instant. His relentless teasing on your clothed womanhood had you cumming tons.

"N - nari! Tighnari! Ahh...!!"

"Hehe. Yeah. All this time I knew," he finally answered after hearing your angelic moans of his name.

Yes, he knew about your perverted thoughts towards him. But he would never admit his more debauched fantasies of you. At long last, he could listen to your sweet erotic voice properly instead of the usual muffled ones. This was way better than secretly eavesdropping on you masturbate to him back in the village.

"Stop! I'm cumming!" you squealed, grabbing onto his shoulder with both hands as another orgasm crashed down on you. You held his body close to yours, crying as the stimulation was too much for you. "Nari... Please stop...! I can't...!"

Yet the tone of your voice, from the way you pant and grind your body, suggested you wanted more.

"You started this, [your name]. If you just stayed on track and came home yesterday, then we wouldn't be doing this, would we? Now look. You got poisoned and I needed to cure you. To do that, you need to cum over and over again until you feel your body flushes out the aphrodisiacs," Tighnari reprimanded.

He secretly gloated about how much power he had over your body. Watching you plead with your eyes stirred his primordial instincts to breed you.

"I forgot to mention. I might have been affected by the mushroom too."

----------

🗺 WANDERER

Journal Entry Highlights :

How they find out about your secret and their reaction :

> A lovely kind young man saved me from aggressive wild sumpter beasts today

> A mysterious man who needed not his name

> It's okay, I like mysteries 😍😏

> He came back and introduced himself as The Wanderer. I like it ❤️

> Gosh, I can't stop thinking about him. 🥺🥺

> He looks yummy

> Why oh why do I want to make love with him? 🥺🥺🥺

> *insert sensual, romantic fantasies here*

> I haven't seen him for a while but then he comes back and he has suddenly...changed??

> He has an Anemo Vision now! 🤩🤩

> And he still remembers me! 😍

> So he goes by the name [W/N]... Why didn't he tell me sooner? 😳🙄

> He can be rude at times but I can see he's good deep inside

> Good deep inside. Heh. 😏

> Why does this new him make me feel hornier?

> *insert fantasy of The Wanderer being rough on you here*

——————————————————

"[W/N], you're here!" you giddily greeted the Anemo user as you carried a heavy pail of water.

"You idiot! That's not the proper way to carry a shit-ass heavy bucket," the man replied, grabbing the object and putting it down exactly where you needed it to be even without your instructions.

"Hehe. Thank you," with a sweet smile on your face, you expressed your gratitude to the man. His face distorted in disgust as he looked at your happy one.

Taking care of crops was no simple task. You needed to be patient and observant. Patient, because a plant could never bear fruit naturally overnight. You needed to tend to it everyday - do labor and you shall receive. Observant, because as the plant grows, its needs becomes different. Today it might need more watering but tomorrow, it might not require any more. And let us not get started on the pests that may bother it.

Just like in your relationship with The Wanderer, you needed to be both patient and observant. Patient, because he seemed to be the type of person who is not used to expressing his own emotions immediately and fully. Observant, because even if he said something, most of the time his actions contradicted them.

The Wanderer glanced upon a freshly brewed tea sitting on your outdoor table. From its scent and colour, he knew what it would taste like. You noticed this and smiled triumphantly at yourself.

"It's for you. I was expecting you," you publicized, watering your carrots carefully.

"Hmph! And if I didn't come?" he scoffed, yet proceeded to perching himself on a chair and stealing a sip from the bitter drink.

"Then I would drink it myself. There shouldn't be a problem," you retorted.

The Wanderer enjoyed banters like these. When you acted too polite around him, after he obtained his Anemo Vision, you noticed he found it boring. So you changed tactics and, every now and then you would reply something a little less nice...at least they weren't, in your opinion.

"By the way, I remember you mentioned you joined the esteemed traveler and his floating fish on their journey. Why aren't you with them now?" you inquired genuinely, placing your attention on The Wanderer.

"Heh! Floating fish. That's a good one! Hahahahaha!" your handsome companion heartily laughed.

Why does it feel like he was mocking you?

"Floating fish. Heh!" he repeated, wiping a tear that actually formed in his eyes. "The traveler took uninteresting commissions today so I decided to split away momentarily."

"Uninteresting commissions like what?"

"Bounce on an oversized mushroom, for one!" The Wanderer roared exasperatedly, his eyes twitching in disgust.

You laughed at the silly face your friend was making.

"I think that's an interesting task! Is it really possible to bounce on a huge mushroom? I had no idea," you mused, eyes widening in delight.

"For a person like you, of course it is amusing," he argued back, rolling his eyes.

"Is it boring for you because you have an Anemo Vision?" was another genuine question from you.

"This has nothing to do with my Vision." The guy palmed his face.

You had a lively chat with The Wanderer in the morning. Then afternoon came. All your routine was done and the both of you had lunch. That was when your companion excused himself and left.

Of course, you could not stop him. Even if you wished him to stay, you had no rights as you were nothing more than a friend.

Even now, I'm not sure if he likes me or not. I might just be fantasizing too much but there was no other explanation why he would come and visit me. I wish he would give me a sign. Anything at all.

You scribbled on your journal. You intended it to be your therapeutic object to vent your day-to-day encounters yet somehow, it became full of [W/N] fantasies.

I've been needy lately. Just like yesterday and the day before that, all I could think about was how it would feel to have [W/N] inside of me. I want to touch. I want to be touched. I want him to take me from behind, gripping my hips so he could take full control of my body. I want to feel weak as he rams his whole length inside of me. His

You couldn't even finish what you were writing. The more you thought about it, the more engrossed you became. A free hand already made its way inside your clothing and started to pleasure your lady parts.

"[W/N], wait...! You're the first man I've ever been with so please...," you heaved breathily, closing your eyes and picturing the visitor you had this morning as a digit circled itself on your puffy clit.

...

"So this was where my pail went. And you even filled it with water. How kind of you," you remarked happily as The Wanderer once again visited you after a few days of absence. "Good morning!"

"Rub that fucking ugly face of yours," he replied. "You didn't prepare tea for me. So you weren't expecting me?"

"Sorry! I was preoccupied with looking for my bucket, which apparently someone took already. The tea water is still boiling so you'll have to wait," you reasoned, failing to contain the ecstacy coursing through your being. "How have you been?"

"Tch! How ungrateful! Do you want me to throw the water away then?" he roared angrily at your accusation to which you shook your head, stifling an amused chuckle. "What I do is none of your concern. I don't have to tell you anything," he grumbled, resting his chin on his knuckles.

His temper might be because he had not had his tea yet. You nodded and started to water your plants. As you've explained, you couldn't serve him tea because you were still waiting for the water to boil.

"Cancel your plans this afternoon."

"Huh??" you choked, nearly drowning a poor cabbage with water in shock of The Wanderer's sudden demand.

"Are you fucking deaf or are you just fucking stupid?" he rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I said cancel your damn plans this afternoon."

"Why? W - what's the occasion?" Archons, was this the sign?

The Wanderer simply looked at you. As he said before, he didn't have to say anything. But you, you had to answer him.

"Okay. After lunch, right?" you replied, blushing at the idea of an afternoon date.

The indigo-eyed man remained silent as he did not need to confirm it. Of course he meant after lunch! You smiled anyway as the sound of whistling kettle broke the silence, prompting you to give your visitor his well deserved tea.

...

"Oh, so this is what a huge mushroom looks like," you marveled at the enormous stretchy fungi, poking it for any kind of reaction. "It reminds me of you."

"I will fucking murder you if you say that one more time," The Wanderer warned, shooting daggers at your laughing face. He sighed, crossed his arms, and asked in a vigor-less tone, "Do you want to try it?"

"Yes! Please?"

"Jump on it then."

"That's it? What if I die??" you shrieked, bothered by the lack of clear instructions.

"Then you die."

You exasperatedly gasped at your companion's behaviour to which he laughed in amusement.

"Ahaha! Kidding! Your face looks stupid, seriously!" he teased before guiding you to climb an oversized fungus. "Okay, jump."

"Jump??" you hesitated. "As in jump??"

"Yes, jump. For the love of - just fucking jump already!" The Wanderer ordered.

"Nnh...!"

Shutting your eyes tight, you did as told and boldly jumped on the stretchy fungus. Your initial fear poofed away as you now bounced up and down the mushroom happily.

"[W/N]! Look! Look!" you called, ricochetting against the elastic shroom. "I'm Anemo now!"

You were enjoying so much that you failed to notice the smile painted on The Wanderer's face. Seriously, what was a person like you doing, bouncing on an overstretched, oversized mushroom? You looked so stupid.

So stupid, it was cute.

"Heeeey! Join me! It's actually fun!" you beckoned, flailing your hands in the air jovially.

After throwing you high in the air, the mushroom suddenly clunked and disappeared, leaving you cushionless on your next fall. You noticed this, making panic course through your every fibre.

"[W/N]!!"

"I've got you!" The Wanderer rang, carrying you bridal style mid-air.

Your heart beated so loud, not only from the adrenaline, but from the way The Wanderer carefully held you in his arms; from how his soft baby-face looked up close; from how his lips trembled so slightly as yours were inches away from his.

"I've got you," he whispered, eyes softly squinted as he stared at yours tenderly.

You could have sworn you were going to kiss. His lips were approaching yours and - Archons, you were sure of it! But he just had to ruin the moment and switch back to his usual grumpy nature.

"I should have let you fall and die," The Wanderer clicked his tongue, contradicting everything by gingerly putting you down on solid ground.

"Thank you..."

"Tch! You're an idiot."

...

Today was a happy day! I enjoyed myself so much! [W/N] came to visit me again and he took me on a date ❤️‼️ He let me bounce on a huge mushroom. It was fun until the mushroom poofed away. I nearly died but [W/N] caught me. It was magical! We were floating in the air using his Anemo powers, I gingerly on his arms. I was like a bride and we almost kissed happily ever after. ALMOST.

You jotted down freely on your notebook, just extremely happy that you had a wonderful time with your crush. You were on cloud nine and nothing could ever bring you down now.

Maybe he really did like me? Maybe he and I had a chance?

Maybe. Just maybe. It wouldn't hurt to wish, right?

...

The events yesterday cajoled you to sleep peacefully. Even in your slumber, you fantasized about a happy ending with The Wanderer. You couldn't bear to wake yourself from such a sweet dream so you woke up a little later than usual.

After the trip back from dreamland, your body finally stirred as you started to wake up from a wonderful rest. You stretched your limbs and let out a relaxed yawn, preparing your body for another day of work.

"Disgusting."

You shot up and saw The Wanderer perched on your desk chair in a figure four lock, facing your way as one knuckle supported his head while the other held your personal journal.

"W - What are you doing in my home?" you accused, trying to process everything. What was apparent now was The Wanderer invaded your home and had read your journal.

"Hmph! You incriminate me yet from the text written on your diary, you should be glad I'm here," The Wanderer scoffed, casting your journal back on the desk.

"Y - you...!" was all you could utter.

A mix of fear, anger, shame, and confusion painted your face - all of which were negative emotions. You had so much on your face, it looked stupid - so stupid that The Wanderer laughed in amusement.

"Surprised? Of course you should be! Hah, I bet you didn't expect this the moment you woke up, huh?" he teased in a mocking tone. "Tell me, then, oh dear [your name]. Do you still like me?"

Of course you still liked him. You knew he was a good man, despite him barging into your home unannounced. But right now, you had a lot of questions plaguing your mind.

Such as what was his purpose for doing such a thing?

The Wanderer counted the seconds until time was up. Your lack of response, deep down, disappointed him. Just as he thought, you would cower away once he showed you a glimpse of what he truly was. Internally in defeat, he stood up and prepared to depart.

"It was foolish of you to form feelings towards me. Learn from your mistakes."

Why does it feel like his words were directed at himself? Even before you could ponder further, you found yourself holding The Wanderer tightly in your arms, your faces tucked on each other's neck.

"Forget about me."

"I like you," you replied. "I like you."

"You're being foolish."

"You've told me a million times that I'm an idiot."

"Idiot. An idiot is different from a fool."

"Then I am a fool in love with you."

"Heh! You don't even know what you're dealing with yet you throw away the word love carelessly."

"Then what exactly am I dealing with, [W/N]?"

A long pause. He hesitated for a long while, filling the room with awkward silence. What was he doing, unmoving in your arms when he promised to forsake worthless emotions and to simply live for himself? He felt like he himself was a fool.

A fool in love with you.

"I am not a human," he revealed in a modest hushed tone of barely a whisper.

He expected you to react negatively - to turn back and cast him aside as you had no future with him. Who would want to be with a puppet, right? Surely no happy ending awaited you if you pursued him further.

"Does this mean you didn't like me?" you asked genuinely.

To this, he didn't answer. Of course, he liked you. He knew your feelings were genuine towards him. It was just he had a lot of questions haunting his mind.

Such as was he willing to risk loving again despite everything he's been through?

"You're afraid, aren't you?" in a gentle voice, you asked. Your thumb gingerly made soothing strokes onto his flesh as you waited for his response.

Seconds passed and with no response from The Wanderer, you deemed it was best to let him go. But the moment you loosened your grip, he immediately pressed your body against his.

"What if I told you we cannot build a family together?"

"Just tell me that you love me and visit me from time to time. That's enough for me," you declared, letting yourself melt in The Wanderer's arms. "I love you, [W/N]."

His new name has never sounded so angelic before. He was someone who preferred extremely bitter tastes yet from the way his name sweetly rolled off your tongue, he might turn into a new man.

Of course he would never admit that verbally.

Yet.

But his actions would.

So he planted a modest kiss on your cheek, a speck of promise that he would make your relationship grow and bloom.

Told you there would be drama.

I guess I got too carried away with The Wanderer's scene that it became too long? Or is it just my imagination? 😅

To whoever read this, thank you for your time. Here, have some curry rice - one for you and one for your Genshin hubby. 🍛🍛

#genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin smut #genshin alhaitham #genshin alhaitham smut #genshin cyno #genshin cyno smut #genshin kaveh #genshin kaveh smut #genshin tighnari #genshin tighnari smut #genshin wanderer #genshin wanderer smut #genshin the wanderer #genshin the wanderer smut #Naughty Journal Series

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alianoralacanta · 18 days

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Paddock Magazine Analysis (13-12-2007)

Context: Following the McLaren/Ferrari spying controversy of 2007, where McLaren eventually lost its 2nd place in the World Constructor's Championship and got a $100 m fine, Max Mosley in his capacity as FIA President did two interviews. The first was for BBC Hardtalk. His performance there was very poor, making it look suspiciously like the FIA's case was weak. More telling was the second interview, with Paddock Magazine. Given that Paddock Magazine was a FIA publication, it was not exactly going to be the height of intentional journalism. However, it provided an excellent demonstration of the FIA's beliefs about the case. When combined with what had been learned in 2007 (from the Hardtalk interview and earlier proceedings of the case), it was incredibly destructive to the FIA's case against McLaren. In combination, it went to the degree of indicating the FIA had a case to answer itself… My understanding of legal issues has evolved since then but I do not believe the FIA's position has correspondingly improved. (The first parts of quotes are bolded, to help put structure to this essay. I've also had to delete the artificial double-spacing that ended up in there for some reason. For the record, if I wanted to double-space an entry, I'd use the double-space function).

Warning! Long entry alert! An annotated guide to the Paddock Magazine interview with Max Mosley. It is the December 2007 edition, and the FIA has given us a handy link.

It is, as the FIA probably hoped, a good guide to the state of Max Mosley's thinking. Let's probe into this resource to find out exactly what the implications are of the interaction between Max's thought processes and what can be ascertained from other sources.

"I think, in the end, the championship went to the right person"

Max has a good point here. Kimi did in fact do the best performance out of the challengers, so it was perfectly sensible for him to have won the prize. It's refreshing to see some sensible opinions from Max.

"Well, I don't think it [the off-track drama] has done any damage - in fact, it has raised public awareness".

Yes, Max - raised it and turned them right off again. Unfortunately, the good initial note didn't last long.

"The only harm would come if people started to believe it [the spying] was endemic and we couldn't stamp it out."

Most people that weren't deeply knowledgeable about F1 before the Ferrari/McLaren mess were not aware that F1 even had spying. Their impression would not have been that stopping spying was good, it would have been "What do you mean, F1 has spying?!?" The people who've been following F1 for a time know that spying at some level is both endemic and, to a certain extent, inevitable. Admittedly, it is not inevitable to the point alleged against either McLaren or Renault, but information transfer between teams is inherant in any industry whose primary value is in the contents of talented people's heads. Formula 1 is demonstrably such an industry.

"I found myself defending McLaren, rather than trying to explain why we'd done what we had to do!"

If the HardTalk interview constituted a defence of McLaren's behaviour, I'm glad the interviewer did not ask Max to attack McLaren, because it looked to me and a number of other people as if Mosley was launching a McLaren attack at the time.

"The whole thing [the Ferrari/McLaren mess] should have been stopped before it started".

Correct. One would have thought that Nigel Stepney and Mike Coughlan would have known their information-swapping behaviour was slightly dodgy before engaging in it. Apparently not (at least in Coughlan's case).

"Ron [Dennis] could have gone to Jean [Todt] immediately after Australia and said: "Look, we asked the FIA about your floor because there's somebody at Ferrari giving us information".

Two problems. One, this was not the FIA's line at the time. For example, Spyker submitted a protest at that very race concerning Super Aguri and Squadra Toro Rosso using a Toro Rosso drawing, which arrived at Spyker by an unknown route (or at least, unknown to people outside the paddock such as me). Nobody from the FIA openly asked Spyker to tell Franz Tost about the drawing (this may have happened quietly, or Colin Kolles may have done the courtesy call on his own initiative, but we don't know either way). The impression that this sort of thing gives is that if the FIA is contacted in such a way that it receives the offending document(s), the opposing team manager need not be (perhaps because the FIA contacts the opposing team manager as a matter of routine in these cases). So what Max is effectively saying is that the FIA's policy was wrong at the time, for if McLaren had known that the FIA policy wouldn't hold six months down the line, it is highly unlikely he would have taken the path of relying on the known FIA procedures to do the appeal. Instead, he would have either informed Jean Todt (if he had known about the Stepney/Coughlan flow and intended to get it stopped) or he would have simply said nothing, and probably not appealed the Ferrari car in Australia at all (if he thought there was only the one document and/or he wanted to attempt to evade notice).

Secondly, there is no particular reason to believe that Jean would have stopped the information flow on Dennis' say-so, especially as it has yet to be proved whether Dennis knew who in the team had received the drawings, let alone whether this person had received the drawing in a legal fashion. For that matter, it isn't even clear that Dennis knew there was a drawing involved - it is entirely conceivable that Coughlan would only have told people verbally about what he knew about the Ferrari floor, and not given away sources. Certainly if I was in Coughlan's position and intended to use this Ferrari information illegally, this is what I would have done. Simply because the drawing was eventually discovered due to Trudy Coughlan stupidly taking some Ferrari CDs to a photocopy shop does not mean that her husband was stupid in his dealings with the material. With hindsight, the truly smart thing to have done would be to take the moral high ground and denounce Stepney as openly and as immediately as possible, but none of us have foresight as good as our hindsight.

"You get the odd person saying that this has always gone on in F1, but that's nonsense".

Er... ...Shadow/Arrows in 1977, anyone? That was the entire (successful) theft of a team's entire intellectual property (IP), back before the term was even invented. Then there's the whole Ferrari/Toyota mess, involving a copious amount of data theft by more than one ex-Ferrari (and now ex-Toyota and presumably ex-F1) employee.

Admittedly, the general backdrop of espionage is on nowhere near as large a scale (the McLaren/Renault mess is probably a run-of-the-mill example among instances of dishonest information transfer). However, the alleged extent of the Ferrari/McLaren mess has precedents.

"There was a constant stream of information for months"

Interestingly enough, this wasn't proven at the WMSC court, though Max would like to pretend it was proven. Having reviewed the relevant portion of the Ferrari/McLaren September case transcript, I have spotted in the preliminaries that the documents that supposedly prove this statement were considered by the McLaren lawyer to be illegally obtained and illegally revealed to the WMSC court. The response from the WMSC was that it was not concerned about whether the documents were legal. Since it was illegal to use them in court, it was also illegal to base any part of the judgement on these documents. As a result, these documents cannot constitute evidence, let alone proof, of the exchange between Stepney and Coughlan - unless the Italian courts deem that the documents do in fact constitute such evidence.

This hasn't happened yet. Therefore, there is no actual proof that the "live" part occurred, since the WMSC Court appeared to have no other sources for this in its transcript. It thought the illegally-used and unproven documents were "impressive" enough.

"The second major mistake that McLaren made was when they held an inquiry... ...they didn't do it thoroughly enough"

Well, all it would have taken is for two people to have lied in a way that was undetected and McLaren wouldn't have been able to detect that connection. Even if Coughlan and de la Rosa had been somewhat truthful (by admitting that they talked to each other), how much would have been considered normal for two employees, and would it be possible to prove in the relatively short timeframe (the inquiry occurred in the run-up to the July meeting, giving McLaren about three weeks to get the inquiry completed) to go through 1000 people's e-mails to find a handful of dodgy e-mails? Even if only e-mails sent by Coughlan were considered (it is known that McLaren suspected him of something, as he got suspended pretty sharpish when the exchange was initially discovered), that would still have been dozens, and likely hundreds, of e-mails to check. In a company that size, it is fairly easy for a dodgy e-mail connection to go undetected. Usually, discovery occurs when one of the parties accidentally copies their e-mail to someone who has the power to stop or inform on the perpetrators, or else someone in power sees such an e-mail on the screen. For all the advances in e-mail monitoring software, breaches outside a limited range (porn, unnecessary attachments, swearing and personal e-mailing) remain very difficult to detect, especially if the intention is to do so without unduly impeding the free flow of legitimate information. It would take a very time-consuming and thorough, or a very lucky inquiry, to have found out that a rogue employee was transferring illegally-obtained information to another employee unless one of them confessed. That didn't happen until early September (and then it was not to McLaren but to the FIA) - rather late for the initial July trial!

"I think everyone felt that there was more to this than we'd heard [in the July case]".

No, most of us didn't; at least, not in the English-speaking sources I've seen. The Europeans generally write in languages other than English, which makes assessing the rest of Max's answer difficult (the only other language I know is Spanish, and the Spaniards would presumably be pro-Alonso...) The time of which Max speaks was before the time that the FIA started chucking out transcripts to the general public at the slightest opportunity. We, the general public, were not expecting anything else to come out of the case. If the WMSC was, why didn't they take the trouble to advise us in the decision? Oh, wait a minute, that would have made their decision to try the case so early look premature...

In case you're wondering, not every Spanish source was pro-FIA about the second trial. El Pais was concerned that the FIA decision was pro-Ferrari - but maybe its being in Spanish precluded Max from reading it. So the generalisation that the continentals were all pro-FIA in the end is false.

"I'd already been told that some e-mails existed, by Bernie [Ecclestone] [when Ron Dennis informed Max of the e-mails]"

Clive at F1 Insight has already tackled this matter; suffice to say that Max's pretence that he was hearing about the e-mails from Ron for the first time is unimpressive at best. More transparency is expected from people enforcing rules.

"I wasn't sure enough to write to the drivers, until the Italian police came up with the list of all the contacts"

Excuse me, but isn't this the same inadmissible list that has already supposedly proven a "live" link between Nigel Stepney and Mike Coughlan despite its inadmissibility? If this is so, then Max was not entitled to use it as a tool to compel anyone to comply with its wishes, particularly with the threat implied with it being an FIA instruction. Such behaviour demeans the validity of FIA instructions.

That said, the FIA could and perhaps should have asked every employee in McLaren to turn over all relevant evidence as soon as it opened the investigation of the case on a reasonably-scaled amnesty scheme. It had the power to analyse the e-mails (including Spanish translation!) that McLaren could not reasonably be capable of doing in such a short time-frame, and it would also have led to a considerably swifter route to the conclusion of this matter.

"they [the e-mails] either came from Alonso or de la Rosa. But presumably the Alonso camp"

That's a mighty big leap, given that Max does not give evidence that differentiates the two. This sort of thinking can be seen elsewhere in this interview, to sometimes dangerous effect to his own case.

By the way, reading personal e-mails is normally illegal under the Computer Misuse Act. However, the sense of Max's elaboration of this question indicates that Fernando chose to reveal these e-mails to Bernie (why remains a mystery, when it would have been simpler to forward the lot to Max), on this occasion the initial Alonso e-mail can be said to have been acquired legally. There is no question over whether the subsequent driver e-mails were obtained legally, only whether Max's justification for requesting them was based on legally-obtained documentation.

"I still think, from a legal point of view, we should have excluded everybody [relating to McLaren over the Ferrari/McLaren mess]."

I'll give him that - he has never deviated once from this point of view. He is consistent in at least some of his opinions. If you assume the conclusion that the WMSC wanted us to believe, then this also follows. The conclusion is therefore valid.

The trouble is that the conclusion is not sound, for the evidence has turned out to be some illegally-obtained Italian documents and a bunch of e-mails that only prove that three employees knew rather than one (and also suggesting that only those three knew - otherwise the e-mails would have been in English and had a wider circulation). This means that there were three rogue employees. The two discovered by the September trial had been granted full amnesty, so technically the FIA was not empowered to issue any punishment to the rest of the team following the evidence, due to its inadequete nature.

"In the end, arguably justice was done [in the McLaren/Ferrari mess]."

Try making that quote compatible with the previous quote. Note that they are spoken by the same person, in the same paragraph in relation, to the same question. Can you get "justice was done" to fit with "we should have excluded everyone"? Me neither.

"For a lot of it [the evidence], you had to draw the inference."

This is the most self-destructive sentence I have ever seen in a court case. Only a fool admits to having little hard evidence for a guilty judgement, let alone one involving such a large penalty and with a larger one threatened. If this were a real court under discussion, the police would be immediately pressing for a re-trial without the interested parties even having to ask first. It pretty much invalidates Max Mosley as a judge of fact in these sorts of cases.

The temptation for me to skip the assumptions that follow this sentence are therefore too strong to resist.

"If we'd done nothing, there would be the temptation to set out to acquire information from another team in any number of ways."

This probably seemed like a logical thing to say at the time (this interview appears to have taken place in late October or early November). However, since the McLaren/Renault mess has shown that only the impression of co-operation is necessary in order to evade a spying charge, then this statement suddenly looks a bit strange. If anything, events will encourage employees to spy, not discourage them. Just not necessarily as individuals.

"I think, and hope, they're paranoid about not doing anything"

How's that for a "Go back to being blobs. Blobs are easy" (Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett) mentality?

"If there are things of that kind... ...they've been quietly got rid of"

Proof that this interview was done before mid-November, when the McLaren/Renault case re-appeared (after a brief mention in the September court case).

"Just suppose the 2008 McLaren incorporates everything from the 2007 Ferrari... ...we've got to make sure... ...the 2008 McLaren doesn't incorporate and Ferrari intellectual property"

If (and after everything above, it's a big if) you still believe that McLaren's guilty judgement was legitimate, then this is a perfectly sensible inference. Max is completely right about the need to check that cars are not contaminated with other teams' IP. In fact, why don't they do this with every team at the appropriate moment in the season, to proactively check that this sort of stuff doesn't happen?

Would be a neat idea...

#f1 #lcmb #lcmb archive #max mosley #spygate #mclaren #fia #the then-fia president really does not come across very well in this one

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sunflwryu · 1 year

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tldr; i'm probably not going to write on this blog anymore.

i don't want to say that i won't completely because hey, maybe one day i'll feel like it, but this is what i wanted to say because i don't want to leave you all waiting...well, it's likely you've stopped after some due to my inactivity and that's okay and valid!

i became inactive here because i wasn't enjoying writing anymore, nor was i into k-pop that much, especially since i was into it a lot to help me cope with how terrible and lonely my life was and felt, and sometimes it still is. writing became somewhat of a hollow thing for me, and i tried so many times to write my drafts, to get the words out, but i couldn't. i would be taking things out of my control that had to do with my blog and writing to heart, i would get so frustrated and depressed at myself to the point that i put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to write something, anything, and when i didn't, my thoughts would spiral on top of what i already had to deal with irl.

so i left this tumblr behind for the sake of myself, hoping that maybe my passion and love for writing would reignite after a break, but it hasn't, not for this blog, only for the journal entries i wrote to cope with my daily life and mental health. i've never been much of a social media person anyway.

i feel like a completely different person than when i was last here. i'm not into k-pop anymore and i barely know what's going on in terms of news and drama but i'll tune into some songs and the older ones that give me nostalgia from simpler times. i've made friends who genuinely appreciate me and i've gotten better at setting my boundaries when it matters and taking care of myself. i have someone that genuinely likes me and always is there for me and tells me i'm beautiful everyday without fail. my skin has gotten better and less painful these days too.

there's a lot that's happened since my last post a few months ago, but what i can say is my life has improved, although there are things i'm still working on, including my ultimate goal i'm still reaching for of a happiness that isn't so fragile.

i want to focus on that goal now.

that's not to say that this blog doesn't mean that much to me, because it does. it helped me so much back then to cope with what horrible things i was dealing with, to write about a world that's not this one, to help others who maybe felt like me, to free my heart of the ideas i kept suppressed for a long time. it really built that foundation for me to grow as i am now.

so thank you so much for all the likes, all the reblogs, the comments, the moots, the readers, the followers, the anons, everyone who's ever set sights on this little blog of mine.

thank you for sticking with me along the way and helping me to make this blog a place that i'm proud to look back upon, to reread my works again and remember how much fun i had writing them. thank you for liking them and telling me your thoughts, thank you for giving them love because that made me happier amidst what i was going through at the time. i hope i was able to give you all comfort and entertainment through the works i enjoyed to write.

i'll pop in sometimes (no promises on the frequency of that), read some stuff, answer asks, make major update posts, but i don't think i'll be around too much. oh, and don’t worry, my blog will stay up, i’ll never personally take it down unless smthg else interferes. if you've read this far, congratulations! have a heart ♥

but seriously, thank you for everything. — yumi

—

p.s. credits to @argodeon for the banner/image! it's so beautiful!

#yumi speaks

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daphnefangirling · 2 years

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Don't You Forget About Me

For Bughead Appreciation Week - Day 5: Missing Moments

Summary: Amnesiac Betty reads her high school journal about her great love with Jughead with whom things ended badly when they were 18. She’s back in Riverdale and has meals delivered daily from Pops by a cute guy named Forsythe. They soon fall in love. Will she get her memories back and realize Juggie from the journals is Forsythe from Pops? What happens when she remembers what drove them apart in the first place? Was the amnesia a blessing in disguise making her forget all her past trauma? Will they make it this time or will history repeat itself?

Teaser under the cut (for the 2 people who said they wanted one: @middleagedresidentofriverdale & @forthehonoroflove)

Feb. 9, 2017 Dear Diary, new year, new me! Ok so the new year started over a month ago, but I decided to start this new diary even before I’d finished the last one so that all the Archie drama would stay in the old diary. This is a brand new start! I’m no longer the pathetic loser hoping to date her dum-dum neighbour! I am Elizabeth Anne Cooper, journalist! That’s right: I officially revived the Blue and Gold at school today! I even managed to rope in Juggie so I wouldn’t be doing it all alone. He and I will solve this mystery of who killed Jason, I just know it!

Betty smiles. She wants to remember this girl that she apparently used to be. The doctor said she should move back home, into a familiar setting that might help jog back her memory. Her mom apparently couldn’t be bothered to move back to Riverdale with her and help with her recovery, but she did give her the keys to the house they used to live in and where Betty spent most of her life before heading out to college. She wonders what kind of relationship she must have had with her mother where she wouldn’t come stay with her now. Yet another mystery to add to the ever-growing pile of what her life used to be before she got amnesia.

She puts down the journal and looks for the others that she would have written prior to this one. Maybe she’ll get a sense of who these people are? Archie, Juggie (that can’t be a real name, right?), Jason and most of all, herself. She doesn’t remember any of it and evidently, the universe doesn’t want her remembering because there are no other journals to be found. Maybe she took them with her and they burned in the fire along with the rest of her stuff and with her memories apparently. But why would she leave only this one behind? Maybe she’ll understand if she reads more diary entries.

But for now, she’s hungry and there’s nothing to eat in the house. She remembers her taxi driver saying something about a diner. She pulls out her phone and types: ‘Riverdale Diner’ Pop's Chock'lit Shoppe is the first result so, after quickly browsing their menu, she calls.

Man’s voice: “Pops Diner, how may I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Betty Cooper and I’ve just moved back into my childhood home at 111, Elm Street. I don’t have any food yet so I’d like to order delivery.”

Man on the phone, hesitantly: “Hum, yeah, sure thing Betty. What did you want?”

She orders the ‘Pops Special’ which she’d found online when looking for the phone number. The man assures her she’ll have her food in 30 minutes so she sits more comfortably on the couch to read a few more journal entries while she waits.

Feb. 24, 2017 Dear Diary, Juggie and I have been working on solving Jason’s murder every day. I really like spending time with him again. We sort of lost touch there for a while, but now it’s like we’ve fallen right back into our old rhythm and familiar habits. We went to Jason’s memorial this afternoon and Jughead looked really cute in his suit. I don’t know why I’m writing about it, it’s really not important… But also, I can’t stop thinking about it. What is wrong with me? Do I have a crush on Jughead? No, it’s gotta be the suit. Yeah, let’s go with that.

*Coming soon-ish to AO3*

#bughead appreciation week #bughead fanfiction #bughead fanfic #bughead fic #bughead appreciation week 2023 #my fic #my writing #don't you forget about me #missing moments #betty's diary

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stargazer-sims · 1 year

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Journal Entry #57 (part one)

Journal Entry #56 (part three) // STORY INDEX

Victor

So, uh... it's been a really long time.

I'm embarrassed to say, I actually had to check to see when either of us last recorded anything. Turns out, the last entry was Yuri's, and he posted it way back in the middle of March, the day I got my glasses.

It's the seventh of June today. Oops. Talk about major radio silence.

But, just because we haven't posted anything, that doesn't mean our lives haven't been eventful for the past three months. Yuri and I have had quite a lot going on, and maybe our lack of updates is a testament to that.

We were consumed by planning, packing, and preparing Yuri's immigration application for part of the time. Somehow I forgot how much work is involved in an international move despite having already done it before, a little over two years ago. This time is different because it's not just me. It's also Yuri and our dogs, and we've got the purchase of a house thrown into the mix as well, just to make things more complicated. Add that to my and Yuri's respective recovery, continuing drama with the extended family, and some much-needed relationship repair with a few of our friends, and you'll see we've got a very full life indeed.

I'm happy to report that I'm fully recovered from my accident. I was in physio for my arms up until the end of April, but the physical therapist said I could stop the day I told her I was able to lift my own body weight — all 86 kilograms of it — on the pull-up bar at work. I showed her the video Tomiko made of me doing it with just one arm, and the PT said it was obvious I could manage my own physical rehabilitation from that point.

As for the post-concussion symptoms, I'm no longer getting any headaches or random bouts of nausea, and I'm not nearly as light-sensitive now. The first day I was able to go up the mountain again, I had to wear ski goggles because the light reflecting off the snow made my eyes hurt. I really don't like wearing those, and I was glad when I was comfortable enough to take them off.

Yeah, my return to the slopes... that was an event. It probably deserves a whole entry of its own, but let’s just say Yuri, Sakura and Sakura's husband Takeshi made such a big production of it that it's not a day I'll soon forget.

Yuri said he had to be there, so I bundled him up in his warmest clothes, and then Takeshi and I wrapped him in a blanket and hauled him up the mountain on a rescue sled that Takeshi borrowed from Mountain Patrol. Sakura followed with our gear.

Takeshi situated Yuri in a good position to see everything, while Sakura and I got ready, and then it was time. We only did a few runs on one of the intermediate trails, but that was fine by me. I was admittedly nervous, and I didn't think I was ready to practice on the slalom course or the expert slope.

My first run was awful in my opinion, but I felt like I was getting my form and my courage back by the middle of the second one. When I pushed off for the third run, I felt the old, familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through my body and everything was as fluid and natural as if I'd never been away.

By the end of the third trip down the mountain, I was ready to stop for the day. It'd taken way more energy than I'd anticipated, and I was looking forward to going home for a hot bath and then maybe some cuddling and a nap with Yuri. He was exhausted too, mostly from waving his arms around and yelling himself hoarse, cheering me on.

Anyway, you guys all know that I could go on and on forever about snowboarding, so I'll stop here before this entry really does become all about that.

I should tell you about the relatively new thing in my life, which is my glasses. I wasn't sure I'd be okay with them at first, mostly because I didn't like having something constantly touching my face, but I got used to them pretty quickly and now I barely notice them at all. For the first couple of weeks, I wore them throughout the entire day, at the suggestion of the optometrist, and only took them off if I was driving or snowboarding. Now I just put them on if I'm doing something where I need to see clearly close up, like playing games, using the computer or reading.

I'm thrilled that Dr. Ishida was totally right when she said my ability to read was more about vision than intellect. Since getting my glasses, I'm going through books like crazy. I didn't realize how entertaining reading could be, but I guess that's because it's difficult to have a good time doing something when you can only do it for five minutes before you start to feel like your eyeballs might fall out from the strain. Now, I can read for hours at a time if I want to, and it's awesome. Did you know there's a genre of action novels? Kind of like action movies, but you read the story yourself and create the movie part of it in your imagination. It's great.

Yuri likes my newfound ability to read just as much as I do, I think. There's also a genre of historical novels which he happily introduced me to, and then he convinced me that I should read to him at bedtime. So, that became our thing up until I left. We'd curl up in bed together and either I'd read some of his current book to him, or he'd read some of mine to me.

It's been hard for us to read to each other lately, though, since I left Japan on the fifteenth of May. Mom and Julian let me stay with them for a few days until the transaction for our house closed on the eighteenth, and then I moved into our forever home. Except, it didn't feel like our forever home without Yuri there. If I thought leaving Yuri behind in Japan was painful, settling into that spacious house all alone might've been one of the most heartbreaking experiences I've had in recent memory.

Okay, I'm not technically alone. Sachiko the ghost is here, but sharing the place with her hasn't turned out to be as fun as I imagined.

For the first three or four days, I didn't see her at all, and when I finally did find her, she scared the crap out of me by making the tea machine levitate. Apparently, she was mad that I'd used her favourite mug for my tea.

Robert and Kim had left a few dishes in the house, including two mugs, and I'd used one of them because it was conveniently there. How was I supposed to know which one was Sachiko's? Up to that point, I didn't even know ghosts could drink tea, much less that they'd have a mug preference.

I think Sachiko and I are going to need time to get to know each other. She doesn’t seem to trust me, and after the tea machine incident, I’m kinda wary of her too.

The first night I spent in the house, I barely slept at all. Yuri and I chatted on FaceTime until his mother told him to get off his iPad and come have lunch, and then I was on my own. Noon for him was midnight for me, and there were a lot of hours between then and morning when I'd be able to talk to him again.

That was probably super confusing, wasn't it? I guess I should back up a bit and properly explain what's going on.

Just as Yuri and I both feared, he couldn't leave in the middle of his nutrition rehabilitation therapy. We found out that even with Dr. Kasongo's string-pulling to get him onto Dr. Kim's patient caseload, there still might be a months-long waiting time for him to see the doctor and the other professionals for the treatment he needs. He's already on the list, but since there's no way for him to transition seamlessly from one care provider to another, Dr. Kasongo suggested that it'd be better for him to finish his therapy and get his eating routine stabilized before he moves to another country. We agreed with her recommendation because he's been making such great progress, and we didn't want to derail it with a long interruption of his care.

It was a tough choice, but we ultimately decided that I’d travel home by myself to deal with the house closing, and so I could walk my mom down the aisle at her wedding. After the wedding, I'm planning to spend a week in Brindleton Bay with Grandpa Michael, and then I’ll return to Mt. Komorebi to be with Yuri until he's ready to travel. It isn't ideal and neither of us particularly likes it, but as they say, needs must.

The other half of the plan was for Yuri and the dogs to move in with his parents while I'm away. Neither his parents nor I felt comfortable with the idea of him staying alone, and since Mrs. Okamoto is on a leave of absence from work so she can devote her attention to taking care of baby Kinai, that means Yuri will never be without someone nearby if he needs anything. He complained about having to live with his parents temporarily, but I think he's secretly relieved to be close to his mother and to let her help look after him.

It's fascinating to me, how Yuri and I slipped so easily into our old habits that we had at the beginning of our relationship. We'd originally met online in November, not long after Yuri turned twenty and just before I turned twenty-one. His birthday is the twentieth of September and mine is the second of December, in case you may not recall. By February of the following year, we knew for sure that we were in love and wanted to be together forever, and I literally spent the next three years hoarding my money and learning Japanese so I could eventually travel there to be with him. Anyway, During that time, we talked on the phone or on FaceTime least twice every single day, and there were usually lots of texts and pictures and the occasional email or video exchanged in between.

Needless to say, scheduling our calls was important because of that pesky twelve-hour time difference between where I lived and where he lived. We used to talk at seven in the morning and seven at night. We took turns contacting each other, and to avoid confusion, each of us would call when it was morning in our time zone.

Morning calls were harder for me because I was going to college when we first met and then working once I'd graduated, and I could never talk too long as I was getting ready to go out for the day. Yuri's morning calls were better since he worked from home and could still get things done while chatting with me. Plus, it was evening for me then, so I had plenty of time.

Time isn't as much of an issue for us now, since neither of us are working. I resigned from my position at the fitness center in Kiyomatsu, and of course you already know Yuri is on medical leave until at least September. We still begin our video calls at seven o'clock, though. It's nice to have that consistency.

Something we've started doing in this new version of our long-distance relationship is eating together. I’ll usually have an evening snack while he has his breakfast, and sometimes he nibbles on a little something while watching me have mine.

Anyone viewing this might get the impression that we’ve become totally obsessed with food and eating over the last few months. That might be kinda true. but you gotta realize that for Yuri’s therapy to be effective, we always have to be mindful and use a lot of positive reinforcement around eating. So yeah, maybe we do talk about it a lot and maybe I do make a big deal of it even if he eats one small bite of solid food, but one bite without fear or stress is way better than being too anxious to eat at all, and I’d prefer to keep the forward momentum going.

When I first got here, Yuri was still having almost exclusively formula feeds at breakfast time. Then, one day last week when he called me, he appeared on screen with some sort of juice at the corner of his mouth, and when I asked him if he'd been eating, he proudly showed me the tiny bowl of pitted cherries he was snacking on.

"I like these," he said. "I ate seven of them so far."

A quick count revealed three left in the bowl, which he finished during our conversation. Ten cherries may not seem like a lot, but for Yuri, it's huge.

"Have you eaten anything else for breakfast?" I asked.

"Rice crackers with apricot jam, and Yuki let me try her cereal," he said, and then hastened to add. "I used my own spoon."

"You're doing great," I praised him. "Do you even know how proud I am of you right now?"

"Thank you."

"Are you having your formula too?" I asked.

He slid his chair back and lifted up the hem of his shirt so I could see the tube snaking out from under it. "I need the protein. But, guess what?"

"What?"

"I didn't have formula at lunch or dinner yesterday. I ate everything on my own. Oh, and I tried sparkling water."

"Did you like it?"

He wrinkled his nose cutely. "No."

"Better stick with regular water, then."

He nodded. "Mama's making salmon onigiri today. I'm going to try to eat a whole one."

"You like those," I recalled. "You've eaten a whole one before, so I know you can do it."

"Hopefully I've got room for it after my milkshake," he said.

I'll confess I was rendered momentarily speechless by that. I stared hard at the screen, wondering if I'd heard him correctly. "Your... milkshake?" I stammered after a second or two. "As in, actual milk and stuff? But, aren't you—

"Lactose intolerant?" Yuri said. "I'm not, actually."

"What?" I blurted.

"Trust me, I was shocked too."

"But, how...?"

"Remember, Dr. Kasongo scheduled me for all those food tolerance tests? You know, to see if I'm allergic to anything, or to see if I have low tolerance for gluten or sugar or... whatever?"

"Yeah," I said. "Mostly, I remember being stressed out because she scheduled it for after I left, and I couldn't go with you."

"I would've liked for you to be with me, but it was okay," he said. "Papa came with me, and it wasn't as scary as I imagined. We got the results yesterday."

"And you're really not lactose intolerant?"

"I'm really not. My nutritionist thinks it may have been a psychological intolerance more than a physical one."

"Meaning what, exactly? Like, dairy products made you feel sick because you convinced yourself they would?"

"Something like that," he said. "Mama says she thinks it might've been partially her fault. She says she tried to get me to drink milk and eat cheese when I was little, but it always gave me an upset stomach, so she eventually stopped trying. I guess we all just assumed I was lactose intolerant after that. Then, any time I had anything with milk in it, it was more my anxiety that was making me feel sick than my body's actual response to it."

"Huh," I said. "So... milkshakes?"

"Strawberry milkshakes. They're delicious and they're packed with calories." He beamed, clearly pleased with himself. "After my appointment yesterday afternoon, we all went out for American food.”

“That’s where you had the milkshake, I guess?”

“Mm-hmm. Mama and I shared a salad, but I tried one of Yuki’s French fries. Papa and Yuki both got milkshakes with their meal, and Yuki talked me into tasting that as well since we found out it wouldn't hurt me."

"And you were okay?"

"I was a little nervous afterwards and I thought I might be sick, but I kept telling myself not to panic. When I settled down, my stomach settled down too."

That was major progress. The old Yuri likely would’ve panicked, and he would’ve been throwing up and miserable for the rest of the day. Of course, he still might have had pain and an upset stomach regardless of what he ate or drank, but it made me wonder what percentage of his problems in the past were due to real digestive issues related to his illness and what percentage were caused by his severe anxiety around food.

He keeps telling me that he doesn’t like his psychologist and that he doesn’t think their sessions are doing any good, but I’m convinced somebody in that equation must be doing something right. Three months ago, Yuri wouldn’t have gotten within ten meters of American food, much less tried fries or a milkshake. Just the smell of deep-fried food would’ve been enough to make him nauseous back then.

Honestly, I don’t think he even realizes how far he’s come since he first started his nutrition rehab back in March.

"That's awesome," I said. "You’re doing amazing. And you’re having another go at milkshakes today?”

He nodded. "Papa bought strawberry ice cream. Did you know he knows how to make milkshakes at home?"

"I didn't know he knew how, but it's pretty easy anyway. Not much different than making a smoothie."

"Oh. So does that mean I could have extra strawberries in my strawberry milkshake? Or some other fruit?"

I laughed. "If you wanted to."

"When Papa comes home for lunch, I have to tell him." He looked excited. "This could be an adventure."

"Let me know how it goes."

He grinned at me. "I will."

I have no words to describe how happy it made me to see Yuri like that, and for the first time in a while, I let myself believe we were approaching something like a normal existence.

If he keeps going this way, he might be off his feeding tube entirely by the end of the summer. Then, we'll be able to come back here together and settle into the life we're both dreaming of.

I'm not naïve enough to think it'll be all smooth sailing after this, but I'm optimistic enough to believe we’re finally going to make it through the worst of the proverbial storm.

#writing #victorsworldadventures #victor nelson #yuri okamoto #tw chronic illness #stargazersims

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ollieinoue · 1 year

Text

CONSPIRACY JOURNAL

Ollie has gone back and logged any journal entries from his bullet journal from the time, as well as thoughts he has currently along with news articles, or other info people have given him, and texts sent to him (and relivant self paras/tasks).

start of school (08/23/22)

any significant journal entries

N/A

any follow up thoughts about the time

we knew nothing of g at the time

no greer tho but I figured she just was on some kinda vacation or whatever

homecoming (09/03/22)

any significant journal entries

all hail the king, baby

any follow up thoughts about the time

I mean obviously weird that Greer was voted hoco queen when we all knew she was not here and there were rumors that she was missing.

I remember being up on stage and the person announcing it was really weirded out and maybe a little hesitant idk I was really high.

Why didn’t the Dean or anyone in authority just like fucking ... not allow that to happen lmao wtf

I think this was the first message from G but I think we all thought at the time G = Greer

first interrogations (09/04/22)

any significant journal entries

fuck the police

IC TASK 001

any follow up thoughts about the time

fuck the police

fuck attempting to be sober

OGDEN STUDENT OFFICIALLY DECLARED AS A MISSING PERSON AS THE SEARCH FOR GREER MORRISON CONTINUES Greer Morrison, a junior at the prestigious Ogden College in New Hampshire, has officially been declared a missing persons case, with the FBI starting their search at the Ogden campus this weekend. While her contact with family and friends abated over the summer, sources say her apparent travel plans made that a likely possible. However, with classes having resumed last week and Greer not returning to her studies, the Morrison family reported her missing after the school contacted them.

first letters (09/18/22)

any significant journal entries

weird shit happening

[gm] u okay?

any follow up thoughts about the time

I think this is when things started to get really weird but it wasn’t like ... too overly weird ig.

Greer could have been just fucking with us still.

follow up interrogations (09/28/22)

any significant journal entries

fuck the police

any follow up thoughts about the time

idr anything coming of this beyond the nate/jesse drama tbh

a bunch of bullshit. the police are really out here giving us nothing.

power outage (10/01/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

[gm] was that u babes???

self para

any follow up thoughts

I saw greer?

maybe

there is no fucking way that greer is just around and nobody has seen her. not now and not then. it doesn’t make any sense. but like ... idk bro.

after the outage (10/02/22)

any significant journal entries

wonder what was taken

[ap] did someone over hear me talking to alethea .........

whoops

any follow up thoughts

still wonder what the fuck was taken and what came of that????? was it G trying to find more dirt?

idk how or why G knew my conversation with alethea but they DID?? they sent me a text about it at the pool party. so they were there.

but they can’t be everywhere at once tho. hm.

casino night (10/08/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

any follow up thoughts

idk I was just hanging out w my parents the whole time

gossip blast & G’s texts I did not care about at the time

among the glitz and glamour of the night…

some of you have been hitting the jackpot while others burn holes in their pockets, but the lack of greer morrison’s presence can’t help but hover over the events of the night. some of you are GAMBLING like you have nothing to lose, but you could not be more wrong. remember the blackout last week? at LEAST two of you were whispering in the dark hours of that night how easy it would be to break into rooms in the school. is that how you spent your night? i guess that would explain why the police notes went missing. now we know what all of you SAID – the truths, the lies, the secrets. what we can deduce from the stolen notes is that the police believe this was very likely a RUNAWAY case. and that’s all there is to it at this time. but even if our GOLDEN GIRL did leave on her own accord, there was a REASON… PERHAPS the reason has something to do with the fact that there wasn’t just one sneaky link greer had on the side….and they weren’t just men. and that certainly wasn’t the only secret she was keeping. she had secrets that were quite literally LIFE AND DEATH. or maybe she is just taking a moment…biding her time planning revenge on those of you who were trying to get her to do something, be it a break-up, an ultimatum, or maybe just not spilling the secret that you mistakenly shared. just remember, secrets don’t stay secrets for very long here. soon enough, we’ll all know why she left, so you may want to hold your CARDS close to your chests. xoxo ...

G: YOU ALL MIGHT HAVE PLAYED YOUR CARDS RIGHT TONIGHT….BUT I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE. G: AND DON’T WORRY…THAT INCLUDES EVERYTHING YOU DIDN’T TELL THE COPS. G: ACTUALLY, I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD WORRY… XX

they were extra at the time and they’re still extra that’s all we know for sure

looks like they did take something but like what tho. what was found in the school or police records? hm.

greer’s birthday (10/25/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

ok so who the fuck is g?

[gm] hope ur okay babes ....

any follow up thoughts

still fun lmao but how fucked up bro

I think this is when things started hitting me how fucked up things were and that this G person really was out here just to fuck with us for fun.

still no greer I think that’s probably the last time I thought maybe it was possible she might show up some time out of the blue

the texts I got sent blackmailing me into planning this party

g [1:27 AM]: you didn’t think the 25th was just gonna arrive with no celebrating, right? well…._i think you’re just the person to throw a party for me. even though we both know there’s a guest who won’t make it. besides me, that is. but you wouldn’t dare to tell anyone the _truth about that, would you? anyways! give it your best, babes. and don’t worry, you won’t be doing it alone. boathouse. 2 am. tomorrow. xx

no thank you texts smh

the texts I got at the party mentioning they knew the things I said to alethea during the blackout

g: you mentioned on the night of the blackout that it’d be easy to break into school buildings, and now we know that someone did just that. would you dare to prove it to us all that you know what you’re talking about? g: break into a school building and bring a little souvenir back from your heist to show off at the party. don’t worry, you’ll have an accomplice xx

halloween (10/31/22)

any significant journal entries

fun!

fucked up

what the fuck

there’s a lot to unpack here

IC task 002

any follow up thoughts

okay so I’m just going to log all the notes I’ve seen, and heard from other people here just to keep them all in one easy to find place.

there are likely more out there that I’ve not heard about I wonder how many

Mine

FLIGHT 1728, NYC > PORTUGAL, JUNE 5, 2022

Parker’s

FLIGHT 1920 PORTUGAL > NYC AUGUST 29, 2022

Monty’s

THERE ARE MORE LETTERS EXPLAINING EVERYTHING.

Link’s

after the accident, I’m trying to keep reminding myself of what [redacted] last august. [redacted] is dead. at least [redacted] and I didn’t kill anyone.

Milo’s

MAY 2022 god, it’s so fucked. [redacted] knows about the accident. obviously, but…[redacted] it wasn’t me driving, since i let [redacted] drive that night.

Jesse’s

MAY 2022 this week has been the fucking worst. first [redacted], now [redacted]? motherfuckers are jealous and [redacted]. i can’t do it anymore. i just can’t.

IMPORTANT NOTES

Link has Milo’s little journal piece

Link promised he wouldn’t tell anybody about the one he has. Hopefully.

I showed Mari pictures of the ones I remembered to take pictures of (Mine, and Milo’s, and Parker’s) and she Milo’s was (probably) from Greer’s journal.

fake G (early-mid nov)

any significant journal entries

I hate technology

computers are dumb

oh I think I found sm

SELF PARA

like just no it doesn’t make sense

[mn] ?????

[mn] okay so the plan is ... just go ask and he’ll say no and it’ll be normal

[mn] prick

[mn] I hate him

[mn] I hope his life gets ruined

[mn] I hate him

[mn] I should just tell everyone. like I won’t but I should.

it still feels wrong tho right?

but how could it be wrong tho?

fuck

I hate technology

any follow up thoughts

I just need to know HOW

did G hire people to do all this?

like there’s no way they just ... out did me on this right? I looked SO FUCKING HARD.

I worked SO FUCKING HARD

I checked SO MANY TIMES

What the fuck happened? What did I do wrong?

Fuck G

also I still hate technology

second letters (11/27/22)

N/A (ollie does not know about any of these but just to keep track of all plot events I’m adding it in here)

time capsule leaks (12/12/22)

any significant journal entries

IC TASK 003

[g-] oh you bitch

fuck me

no it’s fine it’s cool just be normal it’ll be fine.

any follow up thoughts

not really tbh

G is a bitch

Honestly the fact that the news did not pick up on the fact that nude videos of ppl were leaked FROM A SCHOOL is kinda shitty

bet you anything the dean has done everything he could to cover it up

if anything this seemed petty as hell g what gives????????

post time capsule leaks (12/14/22)-(12/16/22)

any significant journal entries

[kk] there’s no way kit was juicing lmao what???

[kk] monty didn’t know about this either??? a little offensive bro

fuck the police

kinda shitty the cops are taking credit for the information parker & I gave them lmao

cops seem to at the moment trust me so at least I don’t have to worry about that

IC TASK 004

[g-] fuck off bitch

any follow up thoughts

texts from G I was sent immediately after the interrogation

g: well, it looks like the cops sure trust you. let’s not get into the merits of whether or not they should, and instead let’s figure if i should. or if greer morrison should. g: did greer ever mention wanting to go to the cops over anything? g: think…stalkers, fights, issues with drugs. anything like that ring a bell? g: think about it. even try to figure it out. what you do with that info? well, i guess that’ll let us know if the cops were right for believing what you said.

I still haven’t heard anything about any of this

idk dude

fuck G

new years eve (01/01/23)

any significant journal entries

( a full journal entry written after getting home from from the trip )

Everything is so fucked up. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m losing my mind and that everything just keeps spiraling more and more out of control and I can’t do anything to stop it. Every single day gets worse. I feel like I’m suffocating underneath everything. I literally feel like I cannot breathe. I can’t sleep, I haven’t been able to sleep in weeks. I feel like I’m on the cusp of a panic attack every single moment of every single day. And now this. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop thinking about seeing Penny’s dead body and I don’t even know if that was her fucking dead body or not but does it matter at this point? And that girl was covered in so much blood. And nobody will tell us anything going on. All I’m hearing on the news is that it was an accident. But fuck that. What the fuck are they going to say happened she tripped and fell and all of her blood left her body? Was she attacked by a wild animal and nobody heard anything. Me and Milo weren’t even that far away!

It makes me feel sick every single time I think about it. Like there is this horrible gnawing sensation in my stomach that keeps growing and growing and soon I’ll just be like nothing. I’ll be empty. And what happens then? How the fuck are any of us supposed to deal with this? My sanity is like being held on by a thread, and most of that weight is being carried by Monty right now, and that’s so fucking unfair of me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel like I’m not a constant burden. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel like I’m not just dragging him down every single time we talk. But I ... I need him. And I love him. And he knows now. Everything. Most things. And he’s still here and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that.

Anyway. I feel like giving up on all of this bullshit. I’ve tried so hard ... and come so far ... and in the end it never even mattered. lmao I’m sorry... I’m serious though. But then there is the other hand where like ... Have I ever been able to let something go? Have I ever known when to stop? I’m so fucking tired. It’s constant. What the fuck am I supposed to do about this? By why is that on any of us?

any follow up thoughts

lmao yikes

after getting back to school Link told me when he and Mari went to find her dad at the staff chalet nobody was there. and what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?? idfk

penny’s memorial (01/22/23)

any significant journal entries

rip penny the dnd group was better without you but the school is not

g implied what happened to penny was not accident, that it had something to do with secrets she knew. like come on ... what the fuck

any follow up thoughts

the text G sent

G: IT’S NOT ACCIDENT THAT THIS IS WHAT PENNY’S SECRETS BOUGHT HER G: NOW IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT WHAT YOURS ARE WORTH

any follow up????? idk .....

some news (02/02/23)

any significant journal entries

embarrassing that the news is days behind the leaks we’re getting

penny knew why greer left OR did she know who was responsible for it

the dean????????

any follow up thoughts

the article

UPDATE IN SEARCH FOR MISSING OGDEN COLLEGE STUDENT Though it has been months of the investigation team believing that Greer Morrison fled from Ogden College willingly, recent updates have led to the belief that she may have been chased off, and that there are people out there who know why. In fact, an unnamed source has reported that they overheard the student who came to her tragic demise on a school trip, Penelope Klein, saying that she knew why Greer Morrison left only shortly before her death. In addition an anonymous source provided information about flights she may have taken out of the country last spring, though the flight returning to the states has no proof of her actually being on it. This lead has been investigation, and it has returned no further information about Greer’s whereabouts. We have also learned that the time capsule video of Greer had not been kept in the files where the rest of the students were when officers originally looked, and when leaked, it contained damning information on several students - like the allegation of her then boyfriend using steroids. This claim was corroborated when his room was searched previously this semester, leading to his expulsion. With all of this information coming to light, it has been confirmed Penelope Klein’s death is being investigated as a murder. Greer Morrison is still considered missing, and she may be aware of sensitive information. Any additional leads will be reported.

I still think it was the dean

heartbreaker social (02/17/23)

any significant journal entries

fuck g

what was the point of that?

fucking bitch

any follow up thoughts

how the fuck did g see our valentines?? so they were there or someone was there who was doing this for them.

G’s valentine to me

roses are red, lonely hearts are blue give me a dirty little secret and maybe i'll give you a clue it doesn't have to be yours, but it should be good and if you can't deliver....i could

My texts in response

( redacted )

the heart of the matter (03/18/23)

any significant journal entries

IC TASK 005

jesse’s dad sucks

I’m fucking onto you and the fucking dean

truly do not trust a single thing that comes out of either of these men’s mouths

any follow up thoughts

nothing new

just the same growing feeling

house of mirrors (04/05/23) - (04/08/23)

any significant journal entries

SELF PARA

I’m starting to think I’m just being gaslit tbh

am I crazy? ... I might be

any follow up thoughts

no thoughts brain empty

#self para .#kinda???#ollie is a the dean is g truther sorry #warning this is pretty long because there's been a lot of events!!#lmao worth it?? idk

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paunchsalazar · 2 years

Note

Hi! I just saw ur year-end reading post and congrats on completing so many this year! I read some books that you recommended in a post a while ago and I loved them so I was wondering if you had any favorites from this year? Happy new year🎉

waaa thank you!!!

I would say these were my top 10, just in terms of my own personal enjoyment!! this time with elevator pitch descriptions...

Oh William! by Elizabeth Strout

A story told by Lucy Barton, a retirement -age writer, and her first husband, William. It is about them as much as it is everyone they know…. I think it is about important people in our lives and what it means to know anyone at any given moment.

She has a very distinct voice. Very readable and lived in.. she has written as this character many times, this one was on the Booker shortlist.

Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin

A coming of age of sorts, set in late 80’s Taipei and told by an unnamed lesbian narrator. It covers her years at university - she makes new friends, cuts off and reconnects with her first love, gets mixed in with the drama of those around her, and figures herself out a little more along the way.

written in vignettes, diary entries, exegesis, and scene descriptions - JUMP CUT TO - particularly enjoyed the last move and haven’

Ouran High School Host Club by Bisco Hatori (all the way through, but particularly the volumes 9-18!)

I could go on... but if you've already seen the show I still really really really really worth reading all the way to the end!! It's a love story that sneaks up on the reader along with our protagonist, but above all it's about friendship... trying new things, putting yourself out there, and taking the time to get to know people... even annoying rich boys!

Lie to Me by Philippe Besson

A chance encounter with a man who looks just like his first love sends a successful writer back twenty some years as he recalls falling in love with another boy in his last year of high school.

This books plays with memoir and fiction, how much of this is a writer’s fancy? How much is nostalgia? How much of it is a lie?

Uncomfortably Happily by Yeon-sik Hong

An autobiographical comic about a young couple that moves to the countryside to get away from life in the city. It's a struggle, but they have each other to keep from going stir crazy and to stay warm for the winter. Really funny creative cartooning, I also love his Umma's Table (about moving away from his aging parents and the place his mother's cooking holds in his life, made me cry)

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

Non-fiction - a mix of ecology and personal experience, talking about indigenous people and nature, working together rather than against it, and using our resources in healthier, better-rounded ways

The Vampire Lestat by Anne Rice

The sequel to Interview with the Vampire - this time Lestat steals the mic and tells the story of his life. It’s as indulgent and dramatic and beautiful as he is... and oddly charming? Rice has a way of painting a picture so detailed that it comes alive!

M Train by Patti Smith

An ambling sort of book, writing about not knowing what to write, sitting in coffee shops, traveling around the world... a thoughtful little book, not quite a memoir, not quite a journal... I don't know what to call it! But it made me sit and think...

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

A memoir about Zauner's relationship with her mother and grieving her after she dies from cancer in her daughter's 25th year.

No Home by Wanan (ongoing)

please read this webtoon!!!! Haejoon Goh has been misunderstood his whole life, known as the son of the lady who sees ghosts, when his mother passes away, he moves into the school's worn down dormitory - the only other inhabitant, the kid that stole his money and wound up putting him in the hospital... it's about misunderstandings and incomplete impressions, loneliness and companionship... made me laugh, made me weep, maybe one of the best comic reading experiences I've had ever?

honorable mentions

Mr. Palomar by Italo Calvino

Witch Hat Atelier by Kamome Shirahama

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

Talk to My Back by Yamada Murasaki, translated by Ryan Holmberg

Astral Season, Beastly Season by Tahi Saihate, translated by Kalau Almony

Skip and Loafer by Misaki Takamatsu

Breast and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami

#at least for this year!!!#idk!! if there is a particular genre/type you are looking for I can try to think of some!! of course there are so many books in the world..

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xivanxiety · 4 months

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My 5th FC (Approx Sept 2021-Jan 2022)

One might notice I skipped a number. My 4th FC was so short lived I'm not even sure it's worth writing about. But TLDR is, I had been toying with the idea of getting involved with this FC that my friend/in-game neighbor was going to be making. I intended on this being my character's alt FC, but decided to pursue it fully when Greed detonated my last FC. However, this FC was extremely short lived as not even a month after the other FC imploding, my friend/FC lead completely ghosted me and the FC. They deleted the Discord, blocked everyone everywhere, even on Discord and Twitter. At this point I was like "What the fuck is it with me and FCs???"

That was when I ran into Zach. I've mentioned him in a previous journal entry, he is the one who had friends who were in a thrupple with Tyler, and who's ex RP partner was the FC lead to an FC that Tyler also terrorized. Anyway, she'd since ended their RP partnership. This came as no surprise to me as she'd frequently vented to me about her gripes with him. I hadn't spoken to her in about a while. I do know that the last time I spoke to her, it was around the time the drama with Greed was beginning to pick up. This is important information. I can't remember if I ever gave her a name, but let's call her Yuna.

Zach confessed that he'd always admired my character from afar and wished to talk, but he was worried Yuna would read too much into it and think he was trying to flirt or his character's eyes were wandering, so he avoided it. He then confessed that he'd always thought my character was the prettiest of my clan that he'd ever seen, which did have me a tad bit worried because I'm sure Yuna would've hated to hear that, but I'll admit, it makes me proud of my character when people tell me she's the prettiest they'd ever seen. I'd say I agree, but I know everyone has their preferences, she just so happens to tick a number of boxes that draw a number of people in. So one can assume that from that point on, Zach kept in contact with me. And as we spoke we both shared our mutual exhaustion with FCs. I'd had shit luck, Yuna closed down their FC after years of Zach investing his time and energy in maintaining the workshop. We decided we'd make an FC together that was not supposed to be an FC. It was just an FC where we and anyone else could tuck themselves if they just wanted a space to idle, make a room, etc etc.

However, it wasn't long before Zach started to act distant. His responses to me were short, and he just overall seemed melancholy. I asked him if he could talk to me about it. Initially he resisted, but then opened up and confessed that he'd been feeling conflicted because Yuna had seen that he and I were in an FC together and had told him that I was only acting close to him to steal him from her, and if he didn't cut ties with me, she'd never RP with him again. He knew there were slim chances for them to RP anyway, but he didn't want to lose her as a friend. But also, he didn't want to lose the new friend he'd made who was giving him hope that he could find joy in the game once again. I told him I wasn't going to ask him to choose, but I understood if we needed to go our separate ways. I didn't want to burden him and I quite honestly didn't want to get pulled into more drama. Though I did ask what was triggering this, why did she think I was trying to steal him from her? He said that she told him that we had beef. I was able to provide receipts that contradicted what she told him. Our last interaction was nothing out of the ordinary. We'd never had any sort of argument. He said that she claimed that it all happened in-game so she didn't have receipts, which is not true, but it's my word against hers at this point. Luckily I had friends of his on my side. They told Zach that any friend worth the time would never deliver an ultimatum to him like she had, so it was obvious which one to choose. Before he made his decision, he asked me one thing, did Yuna ever say anything nice about him? I chose to be honest. I said no, she mostly vented to me about her gripes with him, but to be honest, all of her issues with him seemed like non-issues to me (and this remains to be the truth, ie. complaining about him afking at an RP event because he had to go help to his disabled sister). And since she was going to be petty, I decided to tell him about the time she ERP'd with Tyler when he was in their FC, which meant her character had cheated on his.

Zach told Yuna that he wasn't going to stop hanging out with me. And revealed everything he learned. She tried to spin the story and claimed that everything I told him was just proof that I was trying to turn him against her. But he corrected her and told her that he asked for it, and what he told her was all he knew. She continued to make me out to be the bad guy, claiming that what I'd said was unforgivable, likely in a pathetic attempt to turn Zach against me, as if being honest is worse than dishing out an ultimatum that requires cutting off a friend. She told him he could continue to be friends with me, but she would never speak to me again.

But that was not the end of her. Apparently she'd been stalking my twitter. One day she told Zach that I'd been passive aggressively tweeting about him and her. I asked for the tweet in question. I confirmed, no, it was not about either of them, it was just a tweet that I felt was a mood because of what I'd dealt with in the past. However, if the shoe fits, that's on her, not me. Zach got mad and said I shouldn't be tweeting stuff that people could misinterpret as directed at them, and he was growing tired of getting dragged into the middle of our feud. I reminded Zach that this was not our feud, this was all 100% Yuna. She was hardly a blip on my radar. I hadn't thought about her until he brought her up. I told him he should tell her to never bring me up again if she wishes to remain friends with him. And I do believe that is the last I heard of her. This wasn't before she went on a spree of doing the thing petty girls do on Discord servers where they spam screenshots after I post mine as a way of drawing attention away from me. She sure showed me.

Things went pretty okay for a moment. This was just before Endwalker was due to come out, and Zach was helping me with bucket list items. We did Eureka and the Baldesion Arsenal together and I finally got my Ozma mount. He asked me to help him kill off his character as he planned on switching to Viera when the new expansion launched. He told me to keep this secret as he knew it would piss off Yuna to learn that he had canonically killed his character, and it was at the hands of my character. Thinking back, I'm also pretty sure this must have been a fetish of his. It wasn't blatantly sexual in nature, but I think he found my characters actions to be attractive to put it politely. He even admitted to developing a thing for me, but neither was he interested in dating. And as a result, he decided to start spoiling me. Just before Endwalker, he bought me all of the parts to assemble a new keyboard, amongst other little items. He told me to put together an Amazon wishlist and he'd pick some things to get me. I asked if he was expecting anything in return, but he reassured me that he just liked spoiling those closest to him, and he felt I deserved it. He knew I wasn't in the best place financially, and some of these things I'd never be able to afford on my own. I won't go into detail of what all he bought me, but it was a lot.

It was quite short lived, though, as the holidays tend to take a toll on my mental health. I was not exactly rainbows and sunshine throughout December and January, my job was quite demanding that time of year, and I was miserable. Zach admitted in the past to not being able to handle negativity and admitted to distancing from friends who struggled with depression. And I was no exception. He started standing me up when we made plans to do things, which didn't make matters any better for him, the inability to communicate and follow through on plans is one of my pet peeves. I'd find myself waiting around for hours to hear back from him. When he was idling in town, he'd fake being afk when I approached him, etc etc. You get the point, he was avoiding me. I could tell, but I wanted him to communicate his issues or just say anything, so I put off being the one to initiate the conversation. And I'm sure as a result, my attitude toward him only got worse for him. Eventually he told me he just wanted distance because I'd become increasingly negative and it was taking a toll on his own mental health. Well, avoiding a person you were once attached at the hip with certainly doesn't help!

From there, we distanced from each other. On occasion he'd show up in my DMs trying to act flirty, such as Valentines Day and on my birthday. I think spending money on me and spoiling me also gave him great joy. But I never held him to his offers on either days. And from that point on, we drifted further apart. He sold the FC to a friend, and eventually swapped datacenters. And I joined my next FC.

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hieuthong · 6 months

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ENTRY 10

i made it !!

Time sure flies by fast huh, can’t believe it is already the last week of writing our weekly journal. When I first started writing, the first few weeks I always did not know what to write. I’d sit in front of my laptop, frustrated in thinking of what to write, but slowly, as the weeks went by there would be something that happened on one of the days that reminded me of something that I wanted to talk about. At first, I even planned out what I wanted to write each week, but I realized if I didn’t have any form of connection(?) to it, I couldn't write as much. Originally, for this last journal entry, I wanted to write about “A Letter to my 13-year-old self” (inspired by Laufey's song) but I did not have much idea of the content, so I was going to write about my feelings throughout writing all of these past journal entries. However, I had an extra piece that did not make it for my assignment, so I decided to not let it go to waste and leave it here as well.

My parents have always advised me to avoid getting into a relationship during secondary school and to focus on my studies. I remember one time my dad threatened to send me to a boarding school if I ever dated during secondary school. But like any other teenage girl, seeing others in relationships made me wish I was in one too. Raised on a diet of romcoms, romance-centric c-dramas, k-dramas, and similar genres, it's natural that I find myself yearning to live out the romantic narratives I've witnessed on screen. Even though my parents warned me that TV romance wasn't real, I still believed it could happen to me. I guess you can say, if you are with the right person then perhaps it is possible.

During my second year in secondary school, I met this guy who happened to be in my new class. At that time, one of my best friends was getting close to his friend, so naturally, we all ended up hanging out together. At first, we were just talking as friends but as time went on the persistent teasing and pressure from our mutual friends, and maybe because of that, I started to develop feelings for him. I wouldn’t say it’s completely because I felt the need to satisfy them though because I know deep down I did have genuine feelings towards him. Things were going well between the both of us, our feelings were mutual, and he was planning to ask me out but there was a problem, I wasn’t allowed to date, at least not until I was working. y parents, as strict as they were, made it clear that if they found out about any relationship, things would turn sour very quickly.

However, we never got into a relationship, we found ourselves in a, as some might call it a ‘situationship’. which is a romantic relationship between two people who do not yet consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship. Looking back, I realize that perhaps it was for the best that we never officially became a couple. Our differences became increasingly clear over time; he craved constant attention and devotion, while I cherished my independence and personal space. Our conflicting needs and expectations eventually led to tensions and misunderstandings.

Since it was my first ‘relationship’, I did not know much about anything. During secondary school, I had a time limit for how long I could use my phone, I told him about it and he understood. Whenever I got to use my phone I would text him then go off the app to another and talk to my other friends. He was upset about that, he asked me why I always went offline right after replying to his message, accusing me of not wanting to talk to him when in fact all I wanted was to spend some alone time scrolling on other applications.

Ever since then, my feelings for him began to fade gradually but I was still uncertain of it. It started with him constantly wanting me to talk to him and eventually escalated when he became upset because I didn't reply to him while I was out. He expressed what he was feeling to me, at that time I did not know what to say or what to do so I just told him I was sorry and would be better. However, I began to realize that this dynamic wasn't healthy for either of us.

Feeling uncertain about how to handle the situation, typically I would go to my parents but I couldn’t possibly talk to them about this so I told my closest friend. I told her what I was feeling and that my feelings were on and off all the time. She advised me to talk to him about it, and hopefully, we can figure something out. I did not want to admit it, I was in denial, but I realized during our conversation that I had lost interest in him. I have always been very passive, I often avoid conflict and confrontation as much as I can so naturally I struggled to bring up this topic to him. Thankfully, my friend came to the rescue, she informed him about my feelings. This prompted an honest discussion between us, leading us to mutually acknowledge that we weren't compatible.

Throughout this experience, I've come to understand the significance of my independence and the importance of having personal space in a relationship. This does not mean I’m not willing to invest my time and effort for my partner rather, I value being respected to have my own alone time. However, this encounter has altered my brain in some way leading me to believe all relationships require constant attention and devotion. While I understand that not all relationship follows this pattern, deep down I bear the fear of history repeating itself. This fear has an effect on me causing me to be hesitant to enter into a new relationship. Before entering my current relationship, I had to face my inner fears head-on. Despite my partner’s assurances that he would respect my need for personal space, I still felt hesitant. After much internal debate, I made a decision to take a big step and to let go of my past fears, after years of avoiding and running away from it, it was time I take a leap of faith by giving the relationship a chance.

While writing the journals, I realize a lot of entries are about past memories. I know I’ve always been someone who likes looking back at the memories made in the past but I never realized how often I think about them. Writing about them gave me a bittersweet feeling. One part of me feels sad that those days are over (I literally cannot let go of the past) and the other part of me feels satisfied of what I have right now. But after writing it down, it feels as if I have moved on from the past and is embracing the present. Instead of letting my thoughts live in my head rent free, writing these journal entries was a great way for me to let it all out. Even though it is a chore to do it weekly, but as I wrote more it did not felt as forced to when I first started, I ended up enjoying it a lot. It turned into a space where I could pour my feelings out although there weren’t much.

That is all for this last and final week of my journal entry, thank you Ms Ashley for reading it every week. I will be signing off for now. (Except I will be back to post my other two assignment)

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my-not-so-secret-online-diary · 9 months

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Things I wish people had told me when I was in high school (Contributed to by my friends)

During the summer of your sophomore and junior year, go visit a college. It can be literally any college, but go visit one

At some point before your senior year, you're going to have to have a talk with your parents. Whether that's telling them that you don't want to go to college, and outlining what your future is going to look like, or talking about your college plans, you need to talk to them. If you are planning on going to college, you might want to find out if they have any money saved for you

Your grades aren't everything. Although important, it's okay if you don't have a perfect grade

Get to know some of your teachers (especially in your junior year!). These are the people that will be writing recommendation letters for your college applications, or giving a reference for a job. Get to know them, and let them get to know you

Learn what your studying/ learning style is

Enjoy the little moments

Absolutely NOBODY is thinking about that really weird/ embarrassing thing that you did. They're all focusing on the really weird/ embarrassing thing that they did

It's okay if your interests change

Try to find at least one reliable person in each of your classes you can count on to take notes for you when you're absent, or re-explain lessons to you that you didn't understand

Don't be afraid to take risks

Stay out of the school bathrooms if you can. Just... you gotta trust me on this one

Your principal can be one of the most helpful people you will ever get to know. Get to know them in good ways though

If you have a friend that's trying to isolate you from your other friends, dump them. They're a toxic friend, and you really don't need that in your life

If you're dating somebody, consider the red flags your friends are telling you about in that person. Sometimes we don't wanna see the bad in our significant others

Stay away from fast food jobs (if you can). It's all fun and games until your nightly routine consists of taking a shower after work because you brought the smell home with you

All nighters are all people talk about, but trust me, you’re going to want to keep them to a minimum, unless you like to crawl out of bed in the morning feeling like you’ve never slept a day in your life, and then the crippling thought will hit you that you still. have. to go. to. school.

Every friend group has a Mom. Embrace yours.

Don’t put off doing things. Go to that stupid football game, join drama club, try out for that sport, go on those field trips, embrace your inner geek. Just have fun. Nobody’s going to judge you… high school is nothing like the movies

Take stupid electives. Colleges don’t put as much emphasis on your high school classes as you think they do.

Volunteer in class, embrace group activities, ask questions. Teachers are still going to call on you, or make you do that project. It’s a lot less scary when you just embrace the fact that it’s going to happen. Nobody’s going to judge you for asking the questions they, too, have, or for stumbling over your words while giving an oral presentation. We’re all human, and have been there at some point or another

Keep a journal of some sort, and write one good (or maybe sometimes bad, but I like to focus on the good) thing about your day. It doesn’t have to be anything big. I swear. Maybe it’s just that you packed your favorite chips for lunch, or your friend returned to school after being sick the last few days. Date each journal, and journal entry, and buy a new one for each year of high school. It’s cool to look back at that sort of stuff; you don’t realize how much you’ve actually changed until you look back

Get comfortable with using a planner. I know. I just heard the “but why would I need that??? I’ve never used a planner…” Trust me. Get comfortable with it. It will be one of the best investments you make

Take the cringy pictures. You’ll look back someday, and be simultaneously disappointed, and happy

Sometimes… adults DON’T have all the answers. That’s an uncomfortable thought. You’ll realize more and more, as you start having more mature conversations with your family, that adults don’t have the answers all the time

If there’s something abnormal that starts healthwise, please, go to the doctor! Learn from my mistakes

As a high school freshman, you qualify for scholarships... check them out

Stop procrastinating.

Just... enjoy it! It goes by a lot faster than you think it will

#my old psych teacher came to me and asked me what advice i'd give freshmen #so i decided to make an entire list #freshman year of high school #i started running out of ideas and my friends also wanted to contribute #so i've got to give some credit to my friends as well

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jasmintgrad604 · 1 year

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Week 9 SDL

Reflection on my poster and Unpacking my (then) elements:

Rakhi - Rakhi is a Hindu celebration that is celebrated across India by many different groups of people even those who are not Hindu. It is celebrated between a brother and sister; the sister ties a thread on her brother and, in return, gets a token of his love. The thread represents the hope and goal of a long life for the brother. I got this element in the previous year as my family celebrated this tradition every year. We shared the holiday with my cousins. This element is a small part of my culture/ a cultural tradition that we celebrate as my family isn't religious we tend to not celebrate religious holidays except this one. It's important to me because it connects me to my culture a little bit while living in a Western-centred world. The celebration is Hindu and originated from Indian mythology. There are many different versions of the myth that all follow a sacred thread given to men (mostly husbands and brothers). The element is heavily related to family and connection. This is one of my values of community. I want to get more in touch with my culture and incorporate more of myself and my personal values into my design. This element is so rich in history and thus I picked it for my element

Sapphos fragments - Sappho historically is an ancient geek poet from the Greek island of Lesbos. She wrote poems about the struggles of love and many believe much of her poems were about female lovers though we will never fully know in 1073 her work was all burned by Pope Gregory VII as her work was permisuous and she gained a reputation. Her poetry inspired words like lesbian and sapphic and many consider her a lesbian icon. I purchased this book online in hopes of getting more into poetry and learning about the LGBTQ+ community. This element is significant to me as I identify as a part of the LGBTQ+. Learning more about the origins of queer relationships in the past is interesting and shows that queer relationships have always been taboo. I want to incorporate more personal issues and matters in my work. For one of my creatives, I picked an LGBT!+ artist Shannon Novak and his work is all rainbow and loud. All my artist were out there with their work using lots of colours and organised chaos. Sappho's poetry has an element of beauty in her lyric poetry.

Letters from my friends- My friends and I from high school attempted to keep in touch the old-fashioned way post-high school. We all moved to different cities and began writing letters to each other this lasted for longer than I thought and I hold these letters close to my heart. My friends and I had a rotation where we would update each other on relationships, uni, drama, and mental health. This element is significant to me it reminds me of the importance of community and connection. Having a solid support system that you can go to with anything and trust is the best.

Crochet needle and Knitting needles - Knitting and crocheting have recently taken over my life. I find myself crocheting flowers and toys for family and friends. I now identify with everything I create and they hold great value to me. The process is comforting and I find when I'm stressed or want to wind down I crochet. I got my hooks and needles from Spotlight and I got them close to my identity.

Postcard- I love travelling and feel most like myself when my environment is constantly changing and I'm exposed to different cultures, foods and people. A postcard is usually sent to friends and family another huge part of my identity. One of my favourite things to do while I'm travelling is scrapbook in my journal and use postcards from every city to make it more personable and tailor every journal entry to the city.

All About Love book - The origin of this element is I found this book through TikTok and as a self-help book lover I purchased it. But the origins of this book start with the profound inspiration that is Bell Hooks. Originally published in 1999 the novel discussed the different aspects of romantic love in modern. Bell Hooks also known as Gloria Jean Watkins was an American scholar and activist. “Hooks assumed her pseudonym, the name of her great-grandmother, to honour female legacies; she preferred to spell it in all lowercase letters to focus attention on her message rather than herself.”. This element has significance to me because Hooks grew up in a segregated community and still went on to thrive and write about her experiences. Hook's key theme of feminism and racism which is apparent in all her work is something I want to show in my work. I grew up with a huge distaste for my culture and browning up darker than the people around me. At times I cried over the fact that I was the darkest in my family. In most of India, it is common to bleach your skin to be fair and objectively “prettier”. Internalised racism is something I've had to overcome and in many thought patterns, I find that I still hold on to many old ways of thinking because of what is ingrained in me.

Pictures of my family and friends - Photos of family and friends show the people I love most around me. I also love taking characteristics and quirks that people around me do and using and incorporating them into my personality. The people around me really do make me ME.

Phone - As a Gen Z, I'm quite literally attached to my phone. I have a photo of my partner as my screensaver and carry all my most important cards on the back. My phone holds every piece of information that I will ever need. I sleep next to it. I hold it close to me when I'm walking and it sits buzzing next to me in all my uni classes.

Childhood home

Childhood toy

#Week9

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outofcontexturi · 1 year

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wed aug 23 2023 10:15am journal

maybe I should consider using astrology to help me understand myself better but not to the extent of recruiting generalisations of signs and aspects that represent my birth chart as an indicator to my success or not. I have to remember that whatever I believe to be true also exists and that astrological predictions aren’t also accurate and that they’re predictions for a reason not facts. I’m living midly/low comfortably. I want to be living high/great comfortably. I thank God for the strong mental fortitude he’s offered me. I probably would’ve killed my self if I wasn’t strong enough. one of my closest friends stopped speaking to me recently. I’m not working regularly. I need to pay bills. we’re still in a cost of living crisis. I have a task to transform my life into what I want to it be and if the people around me don’t support or want to be around so be it. I’ll find others who will support me. But one things for sure and it’s I’m seeing everything I set out to see. I truly believe I’m going to. This last month or so has been a awkward limbo. But talking to people and it feels like a lot of us are in the same boat. I haven’t found the thing that works for me yet but I’m in the pursuit of it and that’s a start. I have to start somewhere. I think less time on Instagram and Twitter would be a good thing especially when I have so much time on my hands. Tumblr seems to be the only place I feel I can express my ideas. And where I’m not constantly bombarded with someone else’s lifestyle even though it’s an app where multiple pictures and users are found like a Twitter or an Instagram, it just feels different. That’s why I like it. I also just get to have a diary entry of my time here on earth which is cool. My digital footprint left on here. Nice. The more I read other people’s blogs about how they attained their wealth/success I’ve noticed a pattern in how so many of them say they suffered to get there. Maybe that’s where I am now. I’m in the process of “suffering” and if this is my suffering to get to where I want/need to get to to see nirvana on earth then so be it. I’ll go thru the fire. I think I’m trying as much as possible not to feel the pain of rejection but like all I’ve known since I’ve left drama school is rejection. I’ve had agents reject me, I’ve had job applications reject me, I clearly had friends who no longer want me, I’m doing rather good as far as suffering goes lol. Growth requires suffering. it’s probably why they call it growing pains. One of my redeeming traits is my positive outlook. I believe things will get better. I believe so because I’ve seen it happen to others around me and I’ve also been in situations that have seemed dire but have transformed my life for the better. My road to drama school wasn’t easy. The application process and the audition processes and the long months of waiting to hear back as well as hearing others had already got in. Things get better. It’s life. I do not for a single second believe I’m unfortunate. I’m greatly fortunate. My suffering is simply lessons I must go thru to impart on to someone else to help them understand life. But I’m very very fortunate. Fortune is stuck to me forever. I’d take offence to someone telling me I’m unfortunate. I really thank God that I’m thinking more wiser. I can clearly feel the growth. It’s 10:58am. 59 now. I need to bath and eat breakfast. I’ve been journalling for a while now. Time to make a move.

#journal

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sunset-peril · 1 year

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Successors - Chapter Seven - Cursed

*Eighteen Years Later*

~~~

“Now, Temitri… you surely remember what we discussed?” Impa approached a strong Sheikah figure on horseback.

He pulled down his purple mask. “Of course, Mother. Father just asked me to run a delivery.”

“Any suspicious beings?”

“No, Mother. The way was completely silent, just like usual.”

“Temitri, I must ask you not to leave the village for any reason. The Yiga want nothing more than to get their hands on you, a life supposedly blessed by our lovely Zelda.”

He slid off the dapple grey mare’s back and patted her neck before turning back to his mother. “Of course, just let me return Morning Blossom to the pasture.”

As they walked to where the Kakariko horses were kept, the air around them seemed to grow heavy. However, it wasn’t until they were already back home, seated in silence for quite some time, before there was any noise.

“Mother? Why is it that you often don’t give a title when referring to Champion Link or his wife, Zelda?” He figured, since she had not used ‘prince’ or ‘princess’ in years, he should find alternate titles.

Impa made a soft cooing sound as she mused on what to reply. “You always come back to that question… don’t you?”

“It’s been many years since last time and, at twenty five, I believe I am old enough.”

“So it seems…” Impa chuckled softly. Oh, how her boy had grown up. “To tell you the truth, my boy… is because I don’t know myself.”

Temitri’s face twisted in the utmost confusion. “You don’t know why you refuse a title?”

“I don’t know what to call them."

“What?! But you were the Royal Advisor! Surely you must know!”

Impa shook her head, pulling out a drawer with scattered journals, pens and a glass box that contained a very familiar anklet.

“Mother! Is that his wedding band?” He blinked in disbelief while his mother lifted the glass box and examined its sole content with a heavy heart.

“Indeed it is. Zelda was furious that we’d removed it. I promised her I’d keep it safe for him, when he returned for her.” She sighed, sliding the box to the back of the drawer and flipping through her old diary. “So many things happened just before the Calamity… most of it was not public knowledge when the kingdom fell, so it was never learned.” She led him to the upper room, then smoothly sat down on the mattress and presented the diary’s open pages.

There was so much raw emotion contained by those pages, so much anger, confusion and fear. So much joy and sorrow… so much love.

Her Highness finally opened her mouth. For one of the first times ever, I am so relieved to hear her. The first entry that caught his eyes began. She has always had something to say, some opinion to voice like the roaring thunder, but she’s been so quiet and distant for quite some time that I knew she was hiding something extravagant in consequence.

In fact, I almost wish I’d never her speak.

“We were all quite angry at her little… announcement.” Impa’s smooth voice distracted him. “Well, except for Aunt Purah.”

How did she know which entry he was reading?

“It took a very long time for relationships within the castle to stabilize, and many never did.” Impa flipped through a few more pages, glancing through the turbulent memories. "There was a skirmish about a week or so before the Calamity, and of course Zelda’s baby was the subject. It was kept very quiet, as no one wanted more castle drama…"

"What about it?"

"It was the last straw for our Link, I'm afraid. He became very defensive and angry, more so than usual. Then came the night before the Calamity. It was very late at night, perhaps even early morning, when a great disturbance broke out. Link took me aside to a quiet region, then asked me to get Zelda and bring her to the throne, as he couldn't get back to their chambers, but could reach the throne room. So many things happened, I was so confused and frightened when Link ran off, but eventually I reached Zelda. She was so afraid, cowering near the end of the bed, figure gleaming in the moonlight. She begged to know where her husband had gone, and I told her there was a disturbance inside the castle walls, and that he’d given me a safe place to take her. She was not well on her feet, walking slowly with a slight waddle. I held one arm across her back as we ascended to the throne room, the sanctum. Just before we arrived, there was a great roar that seemed to shake the walls. She whimpered, her baby frightened by the sound, and almost buckled to her knees on-site. I remember so clearly… even after all these years… she squeaked out ‘L-Link? Wa-was that you?’ through shaking breaths, and I helped her draw closer to the sanctum. When we finally arrived, a score of guards under Link’s control guarded the entrance and let us in. Link had blood spattered on him, I assumed he’d encountered some hostility during his escape, and bounded towards Zelda on four legs. He took her to the base of the stairs and tucked her gently into where the stairs lifted from the floor, settling down to guard her by staring at the entrances.”

“So you don’t know what titles they have because there was a skirmish at night? How does that change it? The Prince had you escort his wife to a place he’d locked down.”

Impa’s eyes darkened. “There was a reason he chose the throne room. He knew that’s where her father was.”

“And?”

“After sending me off, he headed to the throne room and threw down his gauntlet. He usurped the throne that night.”

“What?! How-Why?! How did you find out?!”

“After he’d surveyed all the entrances, he turned back to Zelda and kissed her softly, cooing to her about how she was safe, and how no one would ever hurt her again. I came a little closer and asked him where the king was, to which he replied with dark eyes: ‘You’re looking at him.’ Zelda wasn’t entirely too sure what to make of it, but he lifted her and took her to what once was the Queen's throne, where he laid her on her back and sat down on the throne beside it, bent over the armrest. Not to much surprise now that I think about it, he was a young Wolfbred compared to an older Hylian. Seems logical he would win rather quickly.”

“So you do know his title. He’s the king. And by that, Zelda is queen.”

“That I’m not one hundred percent sure of. He usurped the throne to accelerate Zelda’s ascension, not his own. Link and Zelda, The King and Queen, or Prince and Princess, or the Whositswhatsits, I don’t know, were hardly at the castle at all the following day. The only formal notification was that Rhoam had been overthrown overnight by his children, but that neither one had officially claimed the throne. Zelda wasn’t feeling well, and still in shock, and Link wanted her on the throne. A Wolfbred fights only for his Queen, you know. The decision was supposed to be discussed upon their return, but Ganon revived before then. They never made it back. Since Link died before an ascension decision was made, he was not formally declared a king. Zelda also disappeared from the face of Hyrule, so technically, she will not be queen until she’s proven alive. Officially, they’re usurper royalty. The castle staff just referred to them as Usurper Prince and Usurper Princess, but that was unnatural and odd, so they continued with Prince and Princess after Link’s death, especially because it kept the true story from spilling.”

A cry of pain suddenly rang through the walls.

“There’s someone downstairs!” Temitri recognized, and they both made their way quickly to the main floor where the cry had been heard.

“Impa! It’s the Princess!” Horacio was over by Zelda’s side, who herself had half-collapsed and was gasping in pain, doubled over herself. She tensed and a little, somewhat dignified, whimper slipped her lips and the onlookers saw tears streaked on her face. “I think her little one’s coming out.” Horacio stroked her stomach softly as he’d seen her husband do.

Temitri approached slowly, kneeling before the downed royal. “Princess…” He reached out gently, smoothly taking her in his arms. “It’s okay… you’ll be okay… you just focus on bringing that little one out.” His hand gently slipped onto her belly, which suddenly tightened a few moments later.

But the unthinkable happened. Instead of hissing in pain at her apparent contraction, demanding he leave her alone to deliver in private, Zelda had the audacity to laugh!

“My apologi-” The wince he was expecting earlier finally arrived. “Zelda Ivee, do not kill me!” She muttered under her breath to her child. She took a few breaths before trying again. “My apologies, but I am not in labor.” She waved her hand over her stomach, and the outline of her child, lending strength to their mother's battle, became clearly visible. "Impa, I'd like you to meet someone… my daughter."

"Zelda!" Impa gasped. "She's his?"

Zelda nodded once. "Yes." She giggled in Temitri’s arms. "She'll be beautiful, and strong like her father."

"Congratulations, Your Grace." Temitri bowed ever so slightly, while Zelda cooed softly.

"Yes… we're talking about you, my little Zelda Ivee…" She made a variety of other quiet, nurturing sounds before adding "...my little bird."

"Hey… that was Urbosa’s nickname for you…"

"It was, Horacio… it was…" She stretched out, Temitri struggled to contain her.

"Your Grace, pardon the offense, but you are quite heavy. Why don't I put you to bed for just a minute? You can rest your weary body and continue talking there."

"Oh! I can get going if I've overstayed!" She tried to roll out of his reach, but Temitri tightened his grip on her.

"Your Grace, I think you need a little rest. Come on, when's the last time you rested?"

Zelda grimaced and Zelda Ivee noticeably shuffled and squirmed inside her belly. "Not since the Calamity…"

"Oh, Zelda!" Impa gasped. "You must be so worn! Imagine if you were to contract right here, you might not have the strength to make it through!" She waited for Zelda to hitch a breath, watching her infant struggle. "Horacio, roll out a mat right here. She'll get some rest." She stroked Zelda’s side while her husband prepared a resting place. "Look at you… are you sure you'll be okay?"

She nodded as Temitri slid her body onto the mat. "We're here… in Hyrule Castle. For all these years we've been fighting… but I'm starting to grow weary… Please… keep an eye on Link for me. Tell him we're okay… but we need him to come to our aid…" Her knee came up to cradle the bulk of her, watching her child grow stronger with the gentlest gaze known to Hyrule, soothed even more by the exhaustion in her eyes. "She's got her father's strength… She's been quite a blessing in this battle… but I hope she stays in. The Castle is no place to deliver her as it is now." Suddenly, she looked back at Temitri. "This is sudden to note but… I already miss the warmth of your arms. It reminds me of my husband, and it's been so long…"

He climbed onto the floor and slid next to her. "You don't think Champion Link will hurt me for this?"

"He knows it is for my comfort and wellbeing."

Satisfied that the motion wouldn't cause Hyrule’s next king to execute him, he wrapped an arm around Zelda's back and pulled her slightly closer in a very slight, snuggle-like fashion. "Are you a bit more comfortable?"

"Yes, thank you. Although I cannot stay for long. I cannot allow Ganon to break his seal, and you are in greater danger with every moment you spend in my shadow."

"I understand. But, may I ask you one more question?"

"Certainly…" She was briefly distracted by a jab in her side. "Ooh, no, little one, this isn't your father either…"

"She misses him, doesn't she?"

"Was that the question you meant to ask?"

"Oh! No, I'm sorry. It was just your usage of 'either' that struck me then. I meant to ask of your title. None of us are certain."

"She was aware when her father passed. I've spent a lot of energy keeping her from forgetting him, so so reacts in this vivacious manner whenever she believes I might have found him. Her memory, however, is not completely developed." Zelda shook her head. "She cannot sense her father. To her, he is just as far as he is near, and just as dead as he is alive. He is everyone and no one. There are no parameters for her."

"That's … quite sad actually. To be aware enough to witness a loved one's death, but not aware enough to remember their life…"

"She is able to remember how much he loves us, and that will have to suffice."

"At least you both have a memory of him."

Zelda nodded, a few tears slipping away as she bobbed her head up and down. "We'll be okay." She settled back down on the mat, obviously enjoying not having to bear her weight. After she'd rested for a good amount of time, her eyes opened again. "And for your other sentiment…" She pushed herself up to his level. "Tell the people their queen is alive."

"So you accepted the throne that night?"

"Yeah, sure, why not." She glanced at her fingers, then saw he was unappeased. "I understood my husband's motives, I just wish he hadn't done the overthrow as he did. Us storming up there with only the gauntlet, none of the turncoat guards or secret setups, would have been just fine and wouldn't have given me such a fright."

"So you two had been planning for a while?!" Impa fumed.

"Not as long as you think. Call us traitors if you wish, but it was never our long-term intention to overthrow Father!"

"Then how did you have alternate plans?!"

"That last fight. I was crying in our room. Link brought me a little comfort food and a hug. After I was a little soothed, he brushed my cheek and just told me 'This cannot go on. It's obvious he's never going to stop treating you like this, and I would beg money that he'll treat the baby the same way.' I knew in my heart it was true, and I saw the tears shine in his eyes. 'What kind of father would I be if I let him hurt Little Hyrule like he hurt you?' I'd been beaten, screamed at, ridiculed, sworn out in front of the entire court, I still have scars from a few… I knew I couldn't do nothing, so I asked him what he thought to do. He sighed and said 'I never wanted to think of this… but we have to take him out of power.' I cried, asking him if he was seriously considering treason. I couldn't be married to a traitor, I was to be queen! He hugged me and just whispered that if there was any other way, he'd take it, but he knew no one could stop Father from hurting me or the baby as long as he was King, so I had to become Queen. He told me only of humane ways to overthrow him, ones where Father would not perish, and we decided on the gauntlet because of Link's heritage. That's how it all laid out. Link and Father had an argument the night before my birthday, and obviously he decided to attempt our plan in revenge. Link never told me what was said in that argument, but he was livid."

"Perhaps Purah knows," Horacio turned to Impa. "She was on Link's side that night. Gave him a few backup inventions should the gauntlet go south. She was not letting that night end with Rhoam still on the throne. Must've been something worthy of supplying Link with weapons that were obviously hers."

Impa sighed. "Purah did tell me. That night. It was so horrible I didn't want to believe it. I don't know everything, and I certainly don't want to remember. However, at some point, Rhoam commented that, if the baby was male or stillborn, he'd make Zelda pay for the humiliation and, if the baby was female but struggled with her powers, like her mom, he'd make then both pay."

"W-what?! B-but, Father would-"

"He did, Your Majesty," Impa bowed. "that's why Link was so put off that he overthrew your father while you slept. He knew if you rose up and your father caught you, he would have the liberty of doing anything short of killing you that he wanted. Link refused to run the risk with either of you. If he claimed the throne by himself, he could give it to you without any treason on your part since you're his wife. So that's what he did." She suddenly turned to her son, who was tending the shell-shocked queen. Her princess, although not wise enough to understand, reacted to her mother's fright, and that's what Temitri was tending to when he noticed his mother. "That's why the Yiga want you so much, Temi. You serve the Goddess Descendant, her unborn child, and her Wolfbred husband, who overthrew the King with barely a finger lift. That match up is terrifying to them, and if you've been blessed by them, then you might be the one to finally wipe the Yiga out. That's their logic anyway. Anyone related to the Royal Family, by blood, marriage or otherwise, must be destroyed."

He remembered that day, those conversations, forever. Ganon took Zelda back to the Castle shortly after, but she was able to somehow communicate through the Spring of Wisdom's guardian, Naydra. All the Sheikah older than seventeen raced to the peak of Mount Lanayru every year following the revelation for Zelda's birthday.

It was during one of those trips where the Yiga finally took his out. But not before he left behind someone else to lead their King and Queen whenever they should return.

Edited - 04/14/2024

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