#when they do an autopsy on me and instead of brain there’s a gaping hole with a big red light in my head 🤨

[hyunpic]

everything reminds me of him [red lights hyunjin]

[queerchoicesblog]

Lost Cause (OH, Aurora & F!MC Friendship, Harper & Aurora)

So I finally wrote a fic about the Emery doctors since I strongly doubt we will get a chance to see this in the original book. Yet I feel like a scene like this should have been part of the story, after what we learned about them over the past few chapters. Set before Ch. 16 on the eve of MC (Meredith Valentine)’s hearing and containing references to my Aurora & F!MC friendship fic, this fanfic deals with a (much needed) confrontation between Aurora and Harper. 

Pretty angsty and hopefully bittersweet, as I headcanon them as close in the past: that affection isn’t gone, but things are different now when they’re both doctors at Edenbrook hospital. And a few misunderstandings cloud their minds, even though they speak from the heart out of care.  It was tough to write, but I hope I stayed in character! I’d like to think that after this talk, there will be a new beginning for their relationship. Hope you like it!

Word Count: 2800+

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @melodyofgraves @abunchofbadchoices @bhavf @bbaba-yagaa @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood @crazypeanat

OH Tag: @bubblygothzombie  @emeryharper

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Harper was going through the papers of Dr. Valentine's hearing, sipping a coffee on her couch when her doorbell rang. It was a bit late for a friend stopping by and she wasn't expecting anyone, not the night before a hearing. She stood, groaning, hoping that it wasn't Ethan on the other side of the door. Or even worse, Declan. That creep would be perfectly capable to throw a stunt like that.

But it was none of them. When she opened the door, it was...

"Aurora?"

"Hi...Harper" her niece greeted her, shifting uncomfortably.

"Hi but what...what are you doing here? It’s late?"

"Can I come in?"

Harper looked at her for a moment, before resolving to set aside and let her in.

"I made coffee, do you want some?"

"Yes, why not? I can't sleep anyway"

They both walked to the kitchen.

"How come? What's troubling you?" she inquired, handing her a mug of black coffee.

Aurora took it and a displeased expression curled her lips. She diverted her eyes and muttered:

"As if it's hard to guess"

Harper inhaled sharply and grimaced.

"Rory, please tell me you're not here for tomorrow's hearing"

Aurora met her gaze and looked at her right in the eye, determination in her eyes.

"What if I am?"

"You perfectly know that I can't share any detail nor allow any kind of interference-"

"I know that"

"Then why you're here?" Harper sighed.

Aurora didn't divert her gaze but kept quiet for a moment, searching for the right words to articulate her thoughts.

"When I mess up or do something wrong you, Dr. Mirani, Dad or whoever else don't miss the chance to let me know that I made a mistake. Well, that's why I'm here tonight. You made a mistake. More than just one maybe"

Harper crossed her arms and stiffened. She had already had the most unpleasant phone call with Declan earlier that day, another scolding was exactly what she needed, she thought.

"Because I called the hearing?"

"Yeah, for instance"

"Believe it or not, Dr. Valentine herself asked me to call it. She came to my office, confessed to be the one who injected the unapproved serum to Mrs. Martinez and asked me to call an ethical hearing" Harper shuttered her jaw.

"What?" Aurora gaped, genuinely surprised. She was in the dark of that detail.

"She stated that she wants to stand up for what she believes it's right, to pick her battle. And she wanted a chance to defend her choice at an ethics hearing which I allowed her. But I guess it's easier to put the blame on me, right? The only one who broke the rules is Dr. Valentine, I'm just following the protocol. And for the record, since she confessed me her doing, I wasn't even-"

Aurora had stopped listening to her. She repeated the words of her aunt into her head.

"My God, she did it...she did it for real"

Harper gave her a quizzical look. Aurora met her gaze again.

"That's one more reason why Valentine must win the hearing!"

"Wait wait...it's not that easy, girl. We're not in one of those medical dramas on TV. I must admit I was impressed by her courage too but-"

"Name me one intern, an intern not even a senior doctor, who would do the same? Who has ever done the same?" Aurora challenged her.

Harper opened her mouth to say something but nothing came.

"See? Maybe not even you would have done it!"

Harper sighed.

"Rory..."

"Surely not a single one of those one brain cell interns of that stupid competition you put on!"

"That's not stupid! It-" Harper protested but she was cut short by her niece.

"Maybe it was not in your head but it's utterly stupid! None of them took it seriously. Or better too seriously! But in the wrong way! It's just like high school or worse kindergarten all over again" Aurora groaned. "People only want to win and can't care less for their actual patients. Take Olsen, number two of your ranking, for instance: the other day I heard him say to a kid complaining about pain to toughen up and stop whining cause he couldn't possibly be that much in pain. And it's not the only one I heard saying stuff like that! I got lucky that my surname is Emery but someone's heavily sabotaged Valentine since she got to the top!"

Harper immediately reminisced the pager accident and the talk she had with Dr. Valentine in her office.

"Sabotaged?"

"Yes, with the pager, stolen charts and things like that. Because she was on top!"

Harper pinched her nose.

"That's ridiculous and very serious at the same time. That's not just a petty prank, this is crossing a line and putting our patients in a bad position too. Do you have evidence?"

"No, I don't. I just know, everybody knows"

"That's no good news though. With pieces of evidence, I could have started an investigation. I don't tolerate this in my hospital, under my watch"

"Still, it's partly your doing: if you hadn't come up with that brilliant idea of yours!"

"I did what I thought was right, Rory. And I would do it twice because I believe it is the right thing. Even if there are clearly interns that are utterly immature and don't understand the huge opportunity I gave you all. Because that's what it is. But is that a reason not to do the right thing? That fellowship could be the start of a great career, it's an opportunity none of the doctors I know had when we were in your place. But I cannot hand it to any of you just like that: I must know that you have what it takes to earn it. Even if it means pushing you to the limit. I don't regret it, I'm just disappointed to hear some of the interns are so unworthy of even entering medical school as they have no maturity nor ethics"

Aurora exhaled loudly, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Whatever, it doesn't change the fact that Valentine's career is on the line now"

"Actions have consequences and she made her choice" Harper winced.

"And you made yours"

Harper's gaze hardened as she registered the implications.

"And what's this supposed to mean? What Valentine did was reckless and the charges she's gonna face are very serious!"

"And what about Teresa? Didn't you care for her? Or was that just a lie you told to yourself?"

A flash of fury crossed Harper's gaze as she slammed her own mug on the kitchen counter.

"That's enough, Aurora! Enough! What do you think you know about Teresa? About Teresa and me? You have no right to talk to me like that! So do me a favor and stop assuming things about you as most do lately, and on that note stop assuming the worst about me!"

She paused and took a deep breath to cool off. When she spoke again there was a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Is that what you really think of me?"

Aurora diverted her eyes.

"All I'm saying is...you're so obsessed with rules. I know it's a Chief job but I think that a good doctor knows when to make certain calls if you get what I mean. That's what makes them a good doctor, not just another doctor"

"And I'm clearly not a good doctor while Valentine is, that's what you're saying, right?"

Harper was now looking her right in the eye, waiting for her answer.

"From where I stand, Mrs. Martinez case is so complex and there are so many ethical implications...I don't know if it's right to charge Valentine for her doing. Yes, she broke the rules but Teresa got to live her few days outside the hospital"

"Aurora, I'm glad she got to leave the hospital at last too but that injection could have killed her, for what we know. I was about to read the result of the autopsy but I hope you understand that the scenario you're using to support your admirable defense of your partner is just one of many. The brightest one. The one you're ignoring is way darker and far less pleasant"

Aurora considered her words.

"But what if sometimes there are some risks to take? Like you have to do whatever it-"

"Whatever it takes" Harper repeated mechanically, exhaling loudly in frustration. "Did you talk to Ramsey too?"

"No, but from what I've heard at least Dr. Rams-"

"Ramsey, Ramsey, Ramsey. Always Ramsey! Hundreds of talented professionals at Edenbrook and who's everyone swooning over? Ethan! Because he's so tormented, so compassionate with patients: the knight in shining armor of Edenbrook"

Harper shook her head.

"Do you know what wondrous Ethan did? He quitted! And I've covered for him so far to avoid rumors and chaos! I tried to make him reason and come back to work but no! Drowning your sorrows in a bottle of scotch is way better than fighting back, because yes, Aurora, that's what he's doing right now! And he even stopped answering my calls, anyone's calls! So I'm asking you: is that what you call a good doctor? He is one of the best residents in the diagnostics team and yet he chose alcohol instead. He quitted without giving a damn about the consequences: who's gonna cover his role? Did he say if he's done permanently or not? No, and in the meantime, I have a hole in the diagnostics team with him and Naveen gone and one brilliant doctor less. A doctor who could have helped significantly during the E.R. emergency and every single day, if only he picked up a phone because people don't stop getting sick or hurt when we're down. Everybody hurts, everybody grieves their losses but it's not a good reason to act like that. From where I stand, this is part of the Oath too"

"I didn't know about Dr. Ramsey..." Aurora commented, lowering her gaze.

"Nobody does yet people always assume the best about him" Harper commented sharply.

A tense silence fell into the room. Aurora was the first to speak.

"I didn't mean to say you're a bad doctor. I..I just miss you being you, I guess"

"What do you mean?"

"When you weren't Chief. When you were just my aunt surgeon"

"I'm always the same, Rory"

Harper's voice imperceptibly softened as she tried to reach for her niece's hand but Aurora shook her head, grimacing.

"No, you're not. Stop lying to yourself"

Harper looked taken aback by her last statement so she continued.

"This is not you and you know it, deep inside. You're frozen, stuck...scared maybe? What were you thinking when you signed up for this position? When you were an intern like me, when you were a surgeon, you were happier. Try and tell me I'm wrong! I remember the look on your face, the light in your eyes when you were appointed Head of Neurosurgery. Your dream came true, that's what you said. Then one day you gave it away to do what? Administration. And become this Chief who enforces rules at any given occasion. But that dignified smile you have on at work is not the one I remember from back then. Was it even worth it? Being a Chief?"

Harper did her best to conceal the pang of pain she felt in her chest as her niece spoke.

"Rory, time changes things...years of experience changes your perspective..."

As she stopped, unable to find other arguments, not ready to tell the truth, Aurora sighed.

"You know what's funny? I don't think I've ever told but when I decided to apply to med school, it wasn't only because of an aptitude test. It was a tough decision but I did it because...I wanted to be like you one day"

Harper met her gaze, visibly surprised and touched.

"Maybe not a neurosurgeon but a confident, badass female doctor just like you. You were so passionate about your work. When you talked about it, it was so inspiring, nothing like mom and dad speeches. You made it sound the best thing in the world, even if it was just an ordinary appendicectomy. And when I visited you at work...gosh, you were a force of nature! And your colleagues I talked to as I waited for you to end an operation were enthusiastic about you. So when at my college admission interview they asked me who was my inspiration I said your name"

"You...you never told me"

"No. But you know what? Seeing you now, I think I would change my answer"

This time Harper diverted her eyes under the blow of Aurora's delusion.

"I understand" she whispered.

Aurora grimaced, looking at her aunt who was now giving her her shoulders pretending to wash her mug. Noticing how her last few words hurt her, she spoke again, her tone gentler this time:

"I...I saw the pile of the newest surgery journals on your desk. Aunt, you miss it. You miss practice. You should go back to it: you're a...good doctor. You can still be a good doctor."

"It's not that simple, Rory. I cannot exactly quit like Ramsey did. That's not who I am, since you mentioned it. And even if I quit, I cannot walk into-"

"No, you're right. You're so stubborn when you want. I knew it was a lost cause trying to talk with you"

Aurora placed her mug on the counter too and stood.

"Just for your information, tomorrow I'm not gonna stop by your office at the end of my shift. I'll go straight home and find answers on my own"

Harper turned. Her face looked more exhausted now.

"Okay, as you wish"

"Just like that?" Aurora asked, taken by surprise.

"Yes, you don't need me to find out the solution to your cases. You never did."

"Then why you grilled me for hours?"

"Because you're so insecure, Rory. You keep second-guessing yourself and it backfires"

"Oh and here I thought the reason why you put all that pressure on me was that you were trying to live through me the doctor life you cannot live anymore since you become an administrator"

"What?"

"Yeah, you heard me. And I hate it as much as you hate being the Chief away from the O.R."

"This is what you think?" Harper asked, wincing.

"Honestly I cannot find another logical explanation but it ends now. This is my life and I want to live it on my own terms. I'm not you, aunt. And if you're so frustrated by how you miss practice, go back to it and don't take it over me"

Harper frowned, hugging herself.

"I wasn't trying to take it over you and I'm not...frustrated, as you said. I was just trying to mentor you. Pushing you to excel because I know you can excel, you have it in you. But I didn't mean to hurt you and make you feel like that. I'm sorry I did, truly sorry and I won't do it again" she sighed before recollecting herself. "But you’re right. It's your life and you get to live it on your own terms. Just know that it works for me too. And this is the life I choose now"

"But you're not happy" Aurora noted.

"I appreciate your concern but I'm good with it" Harper said, closing off again.

Aurora gave her a long look then frowned.

"It's a lost cause, right? This conversation is a lost cause, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid so" Harper confirmed, pressing her lips together.

The young Emery nodded and without looking back to her aunt, moved towards the door. She stopped right in front of it and sighed.

"I took the subway train with Valentine, after the E.R. emergency. That night she was the only person who treated me kindly. And you know what she said about the competition? That she doesn't care if she wins or not, cause that was never the point. She said that she wanted to believe you would make the right call. That she trusted you to choose the intern who would best benefit the hospital and the patients. If it wasn't her, it's okay, she said. Then she added: I share this with you because I know you think that way too. And she was right"

Aurora sighed.

"I don't want to interfere. I'm talking as Rory, not Dr. Emery junior when I say...I do really hope Dr. Valentine wins the fellowship. She's the best partner and the best intern, both on a personal and professional level. If she loses her license tomorrow, well then this competition is a total farçe and I'm not sure I would keep playing along. It would be such a loss for Edenbrook and medicine in general"

"Rory..."

"See you tomorrow, Harper" Aurora sighed before opening the door and disappearing out of view.