#when they are the things trey absolutely would not be able to cheat on him with | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

acesydneysage · 3 years ago

Text

A Sydney and Eddie retrospective

@vablappreciationweek Favorite familial relationship: The Melrose Twins

Part 2, Books 4-6: The Heartbreaking Trilogy, Why Are You Doing This To Me This Is So Sad

Part 1 here

In The Fiery Heart, Sydney and Eddie definitely already love each othe like siblings. By the end of the book they prove that in the most painful way possible, but let's ge through some cuteness first while I steel my heart.

We get Adrian's perspective on this book, so it's nice to see Eddie talking about Sydney when she isn't around:

“Because it’s Sydney,”said Eddie from the backseat. In the rearview mirror, I could see an easy smile on his face, though there was a perpetual sharpness in his eyes as he scanned the world for danger. He and Neil had been trained by the guardians, the dhampir organization of badasses that protected the Moroi. “Giving one hundred percent to a task is slacking for her.”

When Sydney wants to soften Zoe's extreme opinions on vampires, she picks Eddie to be Zoe's driving instructor because she wants "someone approachable and friendly who’d show her not all dhampirs were evil creatures of the night."

When Sydney is being a sappy romantic and describes what love is to the group, Eddie is the one who lingers looking at her the longest, he can tell something is different about her. They really know each other by now. When Eddie let's Zoe drive outside of the parking lot, he knows Sydney so well that he knows what she's going to say, and what to say to make it better:

“I can’t believe Eddie of all people would do that. It’s irresponsible.”She nodded. “He said you’d say that and that I should tell you, ‘At least it wasn’t Angeline.’”I couldn’t help it. I laughed at that. “That’s true. He does have limits.”

Later when she tells Zoe frivolity might not be such a bad thing, they have a sweet little moment:

“Sometimes frivolity isn’t a bad thing.” Eddie, who didn’t seem put out about the dance, grinned. “Sydney, when we first met, I never would’ve thought those words could come out of your mouth. What happened to you?” Everything, I thought. I met his grin with one of my own. “We all need some fun. We should forget that dance and go out and see a movie that night. When was the last time we all did that?”“I think the answer is ‘never,’” said Jill.

When Neil comes up with his crazy plan to test the Stigoi vaccine, Eddie is very shaken up by the similarities to the event in Spokane that lead to Mason's death. While Sydney thinks that "if Eddie was involved, one Strigoi seemed feasible", what finally convinces Eddie to go is her magic. Although Neil puts her on the spot, she does ultimately make the choice to trust him with this dangerous knowledge about her:

Eddie wasn’t swayed, and there was a look on his face I’d never seen before. “I’m not denying the principles, but it’s too dangerous. And not just to you. I did something like this once . . .” A pain so intense that it tore at my heart crossed Eddie’s features. “Me and some friends. We thought we could take on Strigoi . . . and my best friend ended up dead. No matter how prepared you think you are, even against only one, the unexpected can happen.” [...] The more this got out, the more trouble I was in. And yet, as I looked into Eddie’s steady gaze, I was reminded of our friendship and all we’d been through. In a world of secrets and lies, there were few I could thoroughly trust anymore, but I knew then, without a doubt, that Eddie was one I could. Taking a deep breath, hoping I wasn’t being a fool, I held out my hand. A nervous glance around confirmed we were alone, and I brought forth a spark of fire in my palm that soon grew into the size of a tennis ball. Eddie leaned over and gasped, the orange flames reflecting off his face. “Maybe . . . maybe our odds have gotten better,” he said.

During the fight with the Strigoi they go after, we get a little more about their similarities, how they're both so dedicated to helping others, and they both seriously admire each other so much. You get a bit of that from Sydney's perspective,and how much she cares about Eddie:

I knew what agony Eddie had to be in because I shared it. We both wanted to help Neil. Doing nothing, even for a handful of seconds, went against every part of our beings. [...] For his part, Eddie was magnificent. It had been a while since I’d seen him fight, and I’d nearly forgotten that the adopted brother I joked and ate lunch with was a lethal warrior. [...] I had to act. I couldn’t just stand by and let Eddie be annihilated, not if there was anything I could do.

After the fight, Sydney is caught up in the euphoria of surviving a near death experience, and she makes pretty much zero effort to hide her relationship with Adrian from Eddie:

As soon as I was on the road with Eddie and Jill, I told them, “I need to see Adrian. Drop me off and take my car. He’ll give me a ride back.” Eddie looked totally surprised by that. “Why do you need to see him?” “I just do.” I didn’t feel like attempting an excuse, and Eddie wasn’t the type to badger me. The most I got was a curious look when we reached the apartment. His curiosity turned to panic when he realized I’d be leaving him alone with Jill. “Good luck,”I said as I got out, not entirely sure who needed it the most.

When Eddie figures out that they're together she tries to avoid the conversation, expecting condemnation, but he's very supportive. This is the last conversation they have before everything falls apart, and everything I tried to remove to shorten it felt like an important character moment, but the most relevant parts are bolded:

“Sydney . . .”Eddie’s light mood vanished, and even with my eyes on the road, his tone tipped me off that something serious was about to happen. “About that. About you going to Adrian’s . . .”I felt a tightening of my throat and couldn’t answer immediately. “Don’t talk about that,” I said. “Please.” “No, we need to.” Eddie knew. Eddie knew, and if the subject wasn’t so dire, I would’ve laughed. He was oblivious to his own social affairs, but guardians were trained to watch and observe. Eddie did that, and no doubt he’d picked up all sorts of little things between Adrian and me. We tried so hard to hide from the Alchemists, but hiding from our friends, who knew us and loved us, was impossible. “Are you going to lecture me?” I asked stiffly. “Tell me I’m breaking taboos that have been in place for centuries to preserve the purity of our races?” “What?” He was aghast. “No, of course not.” I dared a look. “What do you mean ‘of course not’?” “Sydney, I’m your friend. I’m his friend. I’d never judge you, and I’d certainly never condemn you.” “A lot of people think what we’re doing is wrong.” It felt strange and oddly relieving to acknowledge my relationship with Adrian to another person. “Well, I’m not one of them. If you guys want it . . . that’s your business.” “Everyone’s suddenly very liberal about this,” I said with wonder. “I just heard a similar thing from Trey and Angeline—about their own relationship, that is. Not about . . . other people’s.” “I think my ill-fated time with Angeline may be part of it,” he said, with more humor than I expected, considering she’d cheated on him. “She talked enough about her people that after a while, it didn’t seem that weird. And, well, my race exists because humans and Moroi got together and had kids way back when.”I felt a smile start to grow on my lips. “Adrian says it wouldn’t be fair to the world if he and I had kids, what with the overwhelming power of our collective charm, brains, and good looks.” Eddie laughed outright, not something I heard very often, and I found myself laughing too. “Yeah, I can see him saying something like that. And that’s the thing, I think . . . the real reason I’m not that weirded out by you two. It goes against all sound logic, but somehow, you two together . . . it just works.” “‘Against all sound logic,’” I repeated. “Isn’t that the truth.” A little of his amusement faded. “But that’s not what worries me. Or the morality of it. It’s your own people I’m worried about. How long are you going to be able to go on like this?” I sighed as I took the exit for the meeting spot. “As long as the center holds.”

Eddie thinks Sydney and Adrian make sense. Obviously I agree that they absolutely do, but on a surface level it doesn't look like it. You have to know them and have a better understanding of their personalities to figure out how they actually fit together. What he's worried about is the Alchemists. Of course, by this point, since the ending of TFH is a sadistically drawn out torture, we already know from the ending of the last chapter that she's about to be captured.

I made it the door first... and found Eddie. His clothes were dirty and torn, and the right side of his face was swollen and red. There was a wild, half-crazed look in his eyes I’d never seen before. A feeling of dread settled over me, and the darkness and despair and fear that had left me alone for so long began to rear their collective ugly head. I knew, even without Eddie saying a word, what had to have happened. I knew because of that terrible look of pain on his face, a pain similar to when he hadn’t been able to save Mason. [...] “Adrian,” he gasped out. “I tried, I tried. There were too many. I couldn’t stop them.” He came forward and gripped my arm. “I tried, but they took her. It was a setup. I don’t know where she is. She tricked me, damn it! I never would have left her if she hadn’t tricked me!”

When they figure out it's a trap and he tells her to run, her first instinct was that she couldn't leave him behind. When they're running together through the woods the Alchemists start shooting at Eddie, specifically. He's running at Sydney's pace and she knows he would never leave her, the he would die to save her. And she knows she could not let him die.

Eddie won’t leave me, I thought frantically. He’ll never leave me. They want me, but they don’t care about him. He can live or die, and it won’t matter to them. But if he’s what’s keeping them away, they’ll shoot him and destroy his body. “Eddie,”I said, panting. “We need to split up.” “Never.” That answer wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was that out of all the things rattling around in my mind, Abe Mazur’s words popped up in the forefront:. Don’t think for an instant that I wouldn’t do terrible, unspeakable things if it could save someone I love. Because it was Abe, I’d naturally assumed he was talking about doing terrible, unspeakable things to other people. But as Eddie and I held on to each other, the words took on a whole different meaning. In that moment, I knew I would do anything to save Eddie—my friend—whom I loved. Even if it meant doing something terrible and unspeakable to myself.

The first thing established in the first paragraph of Bloodlines is that re-education is Sydney's greatest fear, literally her worst nightmare. But she faces that, she walks right back and turns herself in in order to keep Eddie safe. She tricks him into spliting up by claiming that it's part of a spell, and he believes her because he's seen her do extraordinary things.

“I tried,” he whispered. “Adrian, I tried. I never would have ever left her if I’d known. I would have stayed with her to the end. I would have laid down my life and—” I had to forcibly hit the pause button on my own feelings as I dealt with his. Eddie had lost another person. It was bad luck, that was all. He was one of the most badass , capable guardians out there, but he couldn’t believe that about himself, not when he kept seeing these failures laid at his feet. Looking into his eyes, I recognized the intense self-loathing consuming him. I knew the feeling well because I was carrying around a fair amount of it myself. “I know you would have,” I said. “There was nothing you could do.” He shook his head and stared off with a haunted look. “I was an idiot. I never should’ve bought into that spell stuff. After what I’d seen her do with fire, it just seemed so . . . well, real. I believed her. It made sense.” I smiled without humor. “Because that’s what she does. She’s trained to make people believe things. And outsmart them. You didn’t have a chance.” She also was willing to trade her own life to save her friend’s, but no one had trained her to do that. It was just something within her. Eddie wasn’t going to be swayed so easily, and I left him to his grief as I huddled with mine.

When Sydney's captured, Eddie feels like he failed her, just as he'd failed Mason in Spokane, and Jill when the rebels killed her. But still, he has faith in her, that she can hold on to herself:

“How much can they really change her, though?” asked Eddie. “I mean . . . she’s Sydney. She’ll be the same . . . right? She can fight them.”

In Silver Shadows,Sydney is in re-education, and she still finds it in her to be worried about her friends on the outside. Eddie's humiliation and guilt over having lost Sydney killed the kindling romance he had with Jill. There isn't much he can do to help find her at this point.

Once they find a lead on where she is, going to her rescue is very important to Eddie, but he also feels conflicted about leaving Jill with less protection. When the time comes, Jill convinces them to take Eddie because he needed to be part of her rescue, he'd been consumed by guilt this whole time, and that might be the only thing that would allow him to feel redeemed.

With some urging from Jill, he leaves her behind, and goes off to break into a prison again, to rescue a much worthier prisoner this time. After getting mostof the prisoners out, Eddie and Adrian go back into the burning building to get Sydney and the remaining people. After they bring her out to freedom, they have this moment where they hold each other and cry, it always makes me so emotional:

Eddie came last, and as we sized each other up, the tears hovering in my eyes finally spilled. “Eddie, I’m so sorry I lied to you that night.” He shook his head and pulled me to him. I heard tears choke up his voice. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them. I’m sorry I wasn’t protection enough.” “Oh, Eddie,” I said, sniffling. “You’re the best protection. No one could have a better guardian than you. Or a better friend.”

I hope Eddie did feel redeemed, because Sydney pretty much immediately tricks him, and gives him the slip again. She does take the time to try to nudge his love life again first. Then she goes off with Adrian, going against the plan, because she thinks the other fugitives will be safer without her.

"Eddie shot me one last parting smile that nearly choked me up again." “I never thought I’d see Castile brought to tears,” said Adrian as he started up the Mustang. “This really hit him hard. Hell, it hit all of us hard, but he really beat himself up for it. He never forgave himself for you giving him the slip.” “Let’s hope he can,” I said, putting my seatbelt on. “Because it’s about to happen again. We aren’t meeting them at the safe house.”

Eddie was furious about this, but at least this time she didn't get captured. And soon enough he had something else to feel bad about, since Jill went missing right after he got back to her. She disppeared without a trace in the middle of the night, and there's another failure laid at Eddie's feet.

He's not in a great state in the beginning of The Ruby Circle:

Eddie appeared in the doorway. Seeing him almost always brought a smile to my face. In Palm Springs, we’d passed ourselves off as twins, sharing similar dark blond hair and brown eyes. But over time, he’d truly come to feel like a brother to me. I knew few others with such courage and loyalty. I was proud to call him my friend, and as such, it hurt me to see all the pain he felt over Jill’s disappearance. There was always a haunted look about him now, and sometimes I worried whether he was really taking care of himself. He hardly ever shaved anymore, and I had a feeling the only reason he bothered eating was so that he could keep training and stay in shape for when he located Jill’s abductors.

Sydney isn't doing all that great either, stuck in a hostile environment while she deals with her trauma and worries about Jill. When Sydney and Eddie sneak out of court to look for Jill, the power of Raptorbot can make him smile:

“It couldn’t have been that unexpected,” I argued. “I mean, why did he build a dinosaur body for her? Why not something more human? Or at least a more friendly animal?” “Because then there wouldn’t have been much of a movie,” said Eddie. “There’s still got to be a plausible backstory …” I said. A wry smile crossed Eddie’s features, and although the entire topic was absurd, I realized I’d hardly ever seen anything but a grim expression on his face since Jill had been taken. “I don’t think you can really sit down with a movie called Raptorbot Rampage and expect a plausible backstory,” he said. The attendant looked offended. “What are you suggesting? It was a fine piece of film. When the sequel comes out, people will be lined up out the doors to see this exhibit!” “Sequel?” Eddie and I asked in unison.

I love it when the twins talkin unison, even if they probably had opposite tones. And I really love Eddie being a fan of Raptorbot I'm sorry. He and Declan have matching Raptorbot pajamas, you can't change my mind. This is another exchange that screams siblings to me:

“We were probably his only customers today,” I remarked. “That’ll make us memorable—that and having someone who’s actually seen and liked Raptorbot Rampage.” “Hey,” warned Eddie. “Don’t judge until you’ve watched it.”

Later Sydney tries to tease him about it again, but he's focused on the search so his good humor doesn't come back. I think it's very sweet thet she saw something that had made him momentarily happy through the pain, and tried to press that button again.

Eddie is understandably very protective throughout this book. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you, they actually run into Sydney's family, while they're trying to stay off the Alchemists' radar:

“Then get out of here. Hurry—before he comes out. Both of you.” I was stunned at this complete reversal in her behavior, but Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He took hold of my arm and nearly dragged me to the car. “We’re going—now,” he ordered. I caught one last glimpse of Zoe before Eddie shoved me in the car, where Ms. Terwilliger sat waiting for us. A thousand emotions played over Zoe’s face as we peeled out, but I could only interpret a few. Sadness. Longing. As we quickly got back on the road, I found myself shaking. Eddie was driving and kept anxiously checking the rearview mirror. “No sign of pursuit,” he said. “She must not have been able to see which direction we went to tell him.” I slowly shook my head. “No … she didn’t tell him at all. She helped us.” “Sydney,” said Eddie, in a stern-but-trying-to-sound-kind voice, “she’s the one who turned you in the first time! The one who started that whole re-education nightmare.”

He doesn't really belive that Zoe had a change of heart, and he tries to be so gentle with Sydney, while anxiously trying to get her away.

With how sad he is in this TRC (he even has broody beard to show it), the bits where he gets excited about things are really adorable. He's very enthusiastic about meeting Malachi Wolfe:

“Are the Chihuahuas really trained to attack?” he asked. I couldn’t help but grin. “That’s what Wolfe claims. We’ve never seen them in action, though.” “I can’t wait to see his nunchucks.” “Do not touch them,” I warned. “Or any weapon, without permission. If he approves of you, he might lend you something too.” [...] “Oh, man,” breathed Eddie. “There really is a herd of them.” I’d seen Eddie fearlessly face down an attacking Strigoi, but he took an uneasy step back at the sound of the canine charge. I grinned and turned toward the door, waiting for Malachi Wolfe himself to answer.

There's a lot of hugging after Sydney leaves re-education. Sydney and Eddie hug a lot, but just in general. Good for her it's what she deserves. "“Eddie,” Sydney exclaimed, running to give him a hug. He grinned back. “You guys okay?” "

When Sydney and Eddie are preparing to infiltrate the Warriors of Light as recruits, she gets a super strength spell while he gets super excited about it, and they have the cutest arm wrestle in history:

“And how much stronger?” asked Eddie eagerly. “Like lift-up-a-car stronger?” Maude smiled. “Sorry to disappoint, but no. [...]” She glanced between Eddie and Sydney speculatively, her smile growing. “I’d say you’re strong enough to hold your own with a dhampir in an arm wrestling match.” “I would kind of love to see that,” I admitted. Eddie’s face said he would as well. Sydney groaned. “Really? That’s so barbaric.” Eddie leaned over and propped his arm up on the table that had previously held the canteen. “Come on, Mrs. Ivashkov. Let’s do this. Besides, if you’re squeamish about arm wrestling, how are you going to handle going head-to-head with the Warriors?” [...] Ultimately, Eddie pushed his strength to its limit and finally defeated her, but not without her holding her own for a while. I held up her arm triumphantly, like a victor at a boxing match. “My wife, ladies and gentlemen. Beauty, brains, and now brawn.” “Awesome,” said Eddie, in a rare moment of delight.

He's really excited about human magic in general, such an adorable nerd. And again, they really do admire each other so much. Following Sydney's blackmailing the Alchemists: "I hung up, and Eddie regarded me with awe. “That was pretty badass. But do you actually think it’ll work?”"

In the epilogue, Eddie pulled strings to live with Sydney and Adrian as a Guardian, and he's one of the people who's in on Declan's secret. He even chooses to sleepin Declan's room.

I sprinted out of the room and up the stairs, to the bedroom that doubled as both a nursery and Eddie’s room. I had high enough royal rank to finally be assigned my own guardian, and Eddie, in that noble way of his, had pulled strings to be assigned to us. I’d initially protested because I wanted him to stay at Court and have a semi-normal dating life with Jill. Eddie, however, felt obligated to be with us—both out of friendship to Sydney and me and for all the times Neil had helped him. We’d offered to turn the house’s small study into Eddie’s own bedroom, but he always ended up sleeping in Declan’s room anyway.

I'm really glad they didn't get separated by the end, it always makes me happy to think about them living together.

#Rapha's Bloodlines Tag #sydney sage #eddie castile #bloodlines series #vampire academy #melrose twins #va #bloodlines #vablappreciationweek #I think I'm late even in Honolulu #I'm incapable of keeping things short and simple #my outline for both these posts had one sentence per book

20 notes · View notes

visionmarred-archive · 5 years ago

Note

💰 for Nadine and Benyssa; ☄️ for Sidane and Perry; ⚖️ for Vanyla and Atreyan; 🎁 for Ramori and Leeva.

Thank you!! :) Answer under the cut because it’s kinda long, lol.

💰 If your OC had all the money they could ask for what would they do with it? Where would they go and what would they buy? Are they the only one who benefits from this wealth?

Nadine: Her family gets out of the Alienage, for starters. Or at least they get a better home, and they’re able to buy protection from the shems that would accost them in their daily life. Her family would share the wealth, naturally, and probably the whole of the Alienage. Actually, life in the Alienage would improve in general, and any shemlen who hurt her people would actually have to pay for it.Also, cookbooks and spices from countries all over Thedas.

Benyssa: Her family gets out of Orzammar and has something better on the surface. I figure pre-Blight Ben wouldn’t care to share that wealth with anybody but Rica and Leske, tbh, but post-Blight, Leliana too. She’d use the money to travel as far as she wants to once Rica (and her mother, and Endrin Jr.) are provided for.

☄️ Does your OC believe in fate and destiny or do they think it’s a load of garbage? Would they ever get this fortune told? What would a fortune-teller tell them about their future?

Sidane: They do, but only because there’s figures in history that were said to be able to see the future. They don’t think about it much in their day-to-day life… though they did have lament the hand fate dealt them after the final battle, when Morrigan left with their unborn child and they discovered their sight would never recover.I’m not sure what a fortune teller would tell them, tbh? Maybe something cryptic about how they “leave a trail of hearts behind them, but love would find them and leave them in the dust.” :P They’d absolutely go see one! For fun, if nothing else.

Perry: Definitely not. Unlike her sibling, she doesn’t buy that those historical figures actually had prophetic gifts, and she thinks there’s just not a lot of proof to actually validate that being a proper form of magic. She’d only be willing to go visit a fortune teller if Sidane or Zevran talked her into it; I figure her fortune teller would probably give her the unheeded advice to slow down for five minutes, and that “you will find success, but not the type you’re imagining.”

⚖️ What is the biggest crime your OC has committed? Are they a theif, a cheat, a liar? What is the smallest, most petty crime they’ve committed? Or do they not do crime at all?

Vanyla: In a universe where she isn’t the Warden, she gets a reputation as something of a scoundrel for various crimes in smaller towns in Ferelden. They basically amount to theft and assault, and her intent behind them generally amounted to Robin Hood reasons. Steal from the rich, give to the poor, protect the innocent - she grows up and becomes a lot more empathetic in either universe, I like to imagine.Warden!Vanyla’s only got the major crime of being accused of killing Cailan, but… well, she did do the crime spree quests in Denerim. :^D

Atreyan: His answer is going to be boring - a Trey of either stripe would probably have assault on his record, and like his twin, in defense of somebody else. Warden!Trey also has to deal with Loghain framing him for the death of Cailan, but aside from those two, that’s about it.

🎁 What would be the perfect gift to buy your OC? What would be the worst gift? Are they themselves any good at gifting things or are they really indescisive? How do they wrap their presents?

Ramori: She really likes pretty gothic clothing, but especially stockings. I figure that one of her big companion gifts would be a set of stockings with intricate stitching and skeletal designs; a major approval loss would be anything to do with fire or spiders. Ram’s incredibly perceptive and remembers small details about her loved ones, and she makes for an excellent gift giver, but she’ll never bother to wrap those presents.

Leeva: Chocolate would be a perfect gift! She tries it for the first time during the Blight and falls in love with it, and has a small, personal goal of tasting chocolate from all over Thedas. An amazing way to lose approval would be anything Andrastian that would try to convert her to the Maker, she’d find it a major offense and disrespect to her and her people. Like Ramori, she’s not going to bother wrapping the presents; unlike Ramori, she’s terrible with giving gifts and only gets lucky in terms of remembering the really big stuff her friends mention.

#Sierra's Asks #DA stuff #reverienne #OC: Nadine Tabris #OC: Bryn Brosca #OC: Sidane Amell #OC: Perry Amell #OC: Vanyla Cousland #OC: Treyan Cousland #OC: Ramori Surana #OC: Leeva Mahariel

2 notes · View notes

treycrawfordrambles · 5 years ago

Text

have you seen ( TREY CRAWFORD, HE/HIM )? they look a lot like ( JESSE RUTHERFORD ). the ( TWENTY-NINE ) year old ( MUSICIAN/RECORD STORE OWNER ) is so ( LOYAL, EMPATHETIC, DRIVEN ) but i heard they can also be really ( DISTANT, PUSHY, PETTY ). can you believe they’ve been in town for ( FOUR YEARS )?!

backstory

Trey grew up in a military family so roots are not his thing, being born in Los Angeles Calirfornia he moved 20 times before he was in high school. He didnt let that get to him, his home unit being the one thing that kept him steady. That was until his mother passed away after a battle with Cancer. He never really recovered from her loss. Neither did his father, he drank his days away and ended up leaving the military and landing them in Carroll, California. Trey was able to fake it, using music to make his heart ache less. He let the town infect him with a sense of home.

In 2008 he met Virginia. She broke him in a way no one else on this planet has had the power to. He joined the military in 2009 to try and give her a stable life and when she broke it off with him, after cheating with his best friend he decided he would leave the military behind and focus on the music that soothed his heart once before. There was absolutely nothing that would make him want a traditional lifestyle after she left.

He moved to LA in 2012 and caught a lucky break at an open mic night, beginning recording and touring shortly after. Trey has 2 studio albums out and is currently working on his third, away from his band members, as they focus on their families.

Trey moved back to Carroll in 2017 and has been there ever since, touring a bit and writing music. He is still very much a musician looking for his next opportunity to tour but settling down is no longer an impossible idea. He opened a record and vintage store in 2018, Transmission Records. You can find him there most days.

Trivia

he is a Ravenclaw

his birthday is August 18th making him a leo

#carrollintro

0 notes

travisandersondatingblog · 6 years ago

Text

11 Major Reasons Why Relationships Fail & How to Avoid it in the Future

Looking back at your past relationships, you can’t help but feel dejected. For one reason or another, they all ended, and not always on a good note. You’re trying to understand why relationships fail so you can break the pattern.

First, let me just say: it’s not your fault. I know you might be hard on yourself, thinking of all the ways you might have caused a relationship to fail. But think of it like this: you’re looking for a needle in a haystack, one guy in a million, so by proxy, every relationship except one is supposed to fail!

Still, understanding some common reasons why relationships fail can help you to keep an eye out for red flags as well as do your best to make things work out.

Is a Relationship a Failure or a Lesson on Love?

What can you learn from past relationships?

Depending on your perspective, a relationship that ends isn’t necessarily a failure. See it as a learning opportunity to help you be a better partner in your next relationship. It’s all about your perspective.

What can you learn from a relationship gone wrong?

How you want to be treated: Either your ex treated you horribly, which tells you how you don’t want to be treated, or that was the one good thing about your relationship: how he treated you with respect (maybe there was another cause for the relationship ending).

How to better treat your partner: You have likely learned how to treat a partner with respect. If you failed to do so occasionally in past relationships, I’m betting that the two of you had a conversation about it. So you now know that, for example, it’s respectful to text your boyfriend to let him know you’re going to be late, and thoughtful to do something sweet for him once in a while, like make dinner without being asked.

Qualities you really want in a partner: If you were to look back at your past several relationships, what would the qualities be that you want in future partners? Maybe your ex was always chivalrous, opening doors for you. Maybe he was supportive of your career. These are absolutely qualities you can look for in future partners.

How to better communicate: A lack of communication is a top reason why relationships fail, as we’ll soon see. I know that you can look back at past relationships and see how you might have communicated better than you did. Use that knowledge to make things even better next time.

How not to settle: The good news is: you ended relationships that were wrong for you. You didn’t settle for a Good Enough relationship. You had faith that there was a better partner for you out there, and you kept looking. Remember that feeling: when you settle, you accept things that really are not okay for you. You compromise more than you should.

Why Relationships Fail

via GIPHY

While I’d like you to get away from the idea of “relationship failure” and see it more like the end to a relationship that wasn’t, in the long run, right for you, it can be helpful to understand a few key reasons why relationships fail so that you can do your best to avoid these pitfalls in the future.

1. Lack of Communication

As I said earlier: a lack of communication is a top reason why relationships fail. But what does that lack of communication look like? Different things. It might be an unwillingness on one (or both) of your parts to admit fault in a situation or take constructive feedback. It might manifest as constant arguing where nothing is resolved. It might happen when you keep things from one another or are afraid to discuss small annoyances that then become larger issues.

How to Fix: You can’t be afraid to communicate with the man you love. It’s part and parcel of a healthy relationship. And yes, sometimes the conversation will get uncomfortable, but know that if you can make it through, things will be better in the long run because you’re being open with one another.

Learn his love language; communication isn’t just verbal. You can communicate love through acts of service, touch, time together, et cetera. And pay attention to body language; he may express frustration by not kissing you as much as he normally does. That’s your cue to ask what’s going on.

2. Lack of Trust

When one or both of you don’t trust the other, a seed is planted that may be difficult to remove.

Lack of trust is murky water because it could stem from past relationship trauma or something that has happened in your current relationship. Regardless of the cause, you need to determine whether the two of you are willing to work through it or whether it will continue to plague your relationship.

How to Fix: Start by identifying: who’s got the trust issues, and where do they stem from? Did one person actually do something to warrant pulling trust away, or does it come from past experience?

If, for example, you have trouble trusting your boyfriend because you’ve been cheated on, you need to be able to let go of that past trauma. This man isn’t the same one who broke your heart. You have no reason to think that he’ll do the same. It may take talking to a therapist to mend your heart fully so that you can proceed in this relationship.

If, however, the trust issues are because of something that has happened in this relationship, especially due to cheating, think twice before trying to move forward together. In a scientific study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers found that participants who had cheated in a past relationship were three times as likely to cheat again. And that’s a past relationship! If he’s cheated on you, just accept that there’s a very high likelihood that he will do it again. Can you really trust him?

3. Expecting Perfection

youtube

We all have an idea in our heads of what we want a relationship to look like. Maybe you want a man who makes you feel safe and loved, who rubs your feet and pays the bills. Maybe he wants a woman who will cook for him and have his slippers and pipe ready when he gets home from work.

The fact is…a relationship really never lives up to our expectations fully. We idealize what we want and then we feel let down when we don’t get it. Yet another reason why relationships fail.

How to Fix: No relationship is perfect. Learn to love someone with his flaws (though don’t settle for dealbreakers). Just remember Charlotte from Sex in the City when she first met Harry. He was bald and short, had a hairy back, and talked with his mouth full. He didn’t fit what she thought she wanted (though Trey, who fit that image perfectly, didn’t work out). Once she let go of her expectations, she realized that Harry was perfect for her.

4. Not Aligned in What You Want

Maybe when you first started dating, you didn’t have The Conversation. You know the one: where you ask “what are you looking for?” and he looks awkwardly around trying to find the answer. This would have been the time to tell him that you’re looking to settle down. To get married. To have or not have kids.

Or maybe you did have The Conversation and you both said you wanted different things…but you chose to ignore it. Maybe he said he wasn’t looking for commitment, but in your head, you thought, “he’ll change his mind after dating me a few months!”

Now you’ve reached an impasse. Neither of you can convince the other to change what you want, and so now it seems the relationship is doomed.

How to Fix: Have a discussion early on about what you’re both looking for in a relationship. If he’s looking for something light because he’s leaving the country in 6 months, this isn’t the guy to fall in love with. Believe him when he tells you what he’s looking for, and don’t try to change his mind!

5. Lack of Compatibility

You wanted to believe that you could have a long and loving relationship with a Satanic tattooed biker…but it didn’t work out.

You can’t overlook the importance of compatibility in a relationship. Did you realize there are actually four kinds of compatibility?

Physical: You need to have chemistry and attraction to one another.

Emotional: There needs to be a “click” when you’re together. You need to feel safe and fulfilled.

Intellectual: Does he light up your brain? Are the conversations engaging?

Spiritual: You should have the same big picture about what you want from your lives and how you want to make a difference.

Looking back at your last relationship, did he check the boxes for each of these types of compatibility for you? Or maybe he only checked some of the boxes. Sometimes the reason why relationships fail is that you’re not completely compatible in each of these categories.

How to Fix: In your next relationship, start monitoring compatibility in each of these areas. Maybe you find him extremely intellectually engaging, but physically you’re not on the same page. Identifying a lack of compatibility early can help you see that a relationship may not be worth pursuing long-term.

6. Different Priorities

You: “I want to settle down, buy a house, and live in it until I die.”

Him: “I want to save up, quit my job, and travel the world.”

Just as important as being compatible is having similar or aligned priorities. When you’re not aligned in what you want out of life, it becomes hard to be together long-term. In the scenario above, how would things work with a man with wanderlust when all you want to do is settle down?

It wouldn’t. You would constantly fight about how immature he is, how his priorities are screwed up, et cetera.

If you want a relationship to work, you need to find a man who has priorities that align with your own.

How to Fix: This happens in relationships from time to time, but in general, you should be moving through life at the same pace in terms of career, focus on relationship and family, etc. Have these discussions early.

7. A Rut Becomes Permanent

There’s no excitement in your relationship. Does that mean it’s doomed?

Any couple who has been together more than a couple of years ends up in a rut. It’s normal. While at the start of your relationship, everything was new and exciting — and you wanted to spend every second together — things settled down and became routine. Rather than talking about hopes and dreams, you talk about how high the electricity bill has gotten. Instead of going out for a romantic dinner followed by more romance in the bedroom, you go to Lowe’s for light fixtures.

Ruts are normal, but they shouldn’t be permanent. The thing is: you have to change things, shake them up, to get out of that rut and make sure your relationship stays strong.

How to Fix: Again, completely normal, however, it does take effort to keep a relationship fresh. Go on date nights. Get a sitter. Talk about something other than bills.

8. Arguing All the Time

Some couples fight. Others don’t. Maybe you’ve never fought with any ex as much as your last one. There was just something about the combination of the two of you that sparked frustration. When you’re arguing more than getting along, that’s a sign that he’s not right for you. For whatever reason, that man brought out the worst in you, and you didn’t like yourself as the shrieking, nagging woman he made you feel like.

Most arguing is a direct result of poor communication. When you can’t be open about things when they’re small, they grow bigger and bigger and ignite into a full-blown argument that threatens your relationship.

Research shows that the top three things couples fight about are:

Commitment

Chores

Social media behaviors

You probably can already identify a topic (or three) that you and your partner argue about the most. Tread carefully when that subject comes up.

How to Fix: Work on your communication skills. See a couples therapist, even if you’re reluctant because you will learn how to better talk to one another around those landmine topics.

9. Outgrowing One Another

You no longer love each other the way you once did.

Another reason why relationships fail isn’t your fault or his: you simply outgrow one another. Here’s a story I hear again and again: you fell in love in high school or college and got married pretty young. Things were great for a while. You built a family. But then, 20 years later, you feel like you have nothing in common with this man.

Recent science shows that adolescence, which used to be considered to last until about 19, actually goes until 24. That means that someone who got married at 21 was still mentally and emotionally developing. Who you were back then is certainly not who you are now, 20 or more years later.

And so it stands to reason that the person you fell in love with back then wouldn’t be right for you now. It’s sad, but it happens far more than you’d think.

How to Fix: Sometimes you can’t fix it. You weren’t meant to be with this man. The best you can do is let it go with grace.

10. It’s Too Much Work

I firmly believe that, while a relationship does take work to thrive, it shouldn’t feel like work. Yes, you have to be willing to keep communicating, even when it’s hard. But sometimes relationships take more work than they should. You felt like you had a full-time job just trying to keep things stable.

That’s not what a relationship should be.

Either that or you were just unwilling to put in the work it did require. In your head, you expected a relationship to be easy like they are in rom-coms. So when you were actually required to lift a finger to nurture your relationship, you just couldn’t do it. He got frustrated, feeling like he was doing all the work. It didn’t end well.

How to Fix: Take this as a lesson: relationships are hard. You won’t get away with being lazy in one. Next time, be willing to put the work in. On the other hand, if it required more work than it should have, take that as a tip that it wasn’t the right relationship for you.

11. Relying on Someone Else for Happiness

Oh, how many times have I told one of my relationship coaching clients this?

You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.

I usually have that conversation after my client starts complaining about all the things her partner isn’t doing to please her.

“He never says he loves me anymore.”

“He used to bring me flowers.”

“He always wants to hang out with his friends rather than me.”

Now, I’m not suggesting that if these are your complaints that things are rosy, but if you’re looking for happiness to be given to you, you’ll always be disappointed.

You have to find happiness on your own, and that comes from loving yourself.

How to Fix: If it was you who was looking for happiness externally, realize that you are responsible for your own happiness. If you can’t find it on your own, you will never find it as part of a couple.

Conclusion:

Learning why relationships fail can, if you’re willing, make you a better partner next time.

Now that you know some of the reasons why relationships fail, think about your last few relationships and see which of these categories they fall into. Do you see a trend? For example, do you always end relationships because a man isn’t making you happy, or because it requires too much work? Are you drawn to men you don’t feel you can trust, or who you can’t communicate with?

Patterns tell us a lot about ourselves, so be open to the message. If your relationships end for similar reasons each time, realize that the common denominator is you. You need to identify your own behaviors that are sabotaging your relationships so that you flip the s from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 https://ift.tt/2qWAShJ via IFTTT

#IFTTT #Meet Positives SM Feed 3

0 notes

fayecallasdatingblog · 6 years ago

Text

11 Major Reasons Why Relationships Fail & How to Avoid it in the Future

Still, understanding some common reasons why relationships fail can help you to keep an eye out for red flags as well as do your best to make things work out.

Is a Relationship a Failure or a Lesson on Love?

What can you learn from past relationships?

What can you learn from a relationship gone wrong?

Why Relationships Fail

via GIPHY

1. Lack of Communication

2. Lack of Trust

When one or both of you don’t trust the other, a seed is planted that may be difficult to remove.

How to Fix: Start by identifying: who’s got the trust issues, and where do they stem from? Did one person actually do something to warrant pulling trust away, or does it come from past experience?

3. Expecting Perfection

youtube

The fact is…a relationship really never lives up to our expectations fully. We idealize what we want and then we feel let down when we don’t get it. Yet another reason why relationships fail.

4. Not Aligned in What You Want

Now you’ve reached an impasse. Neither of you can convince the other to change what you want, and so now it seems the relationship is doomed.

5. Lack of Compatibility

You wanted to believe that you could have a long and loving relationship with a Satanic tattooed biker…but it didn’t work out.

You can’t overlook the importance of compatibility in a relationship. Did you realize there are actually four kinds of compatibility?

Physical: You need to have chemistry and attraction to one another.

Emotional: There needs to be a “click” when you’re together. You need to feel safe and fulfilled.

Intellectual: Does he light up your brain? Are the conversations engaging?

Spiritual: You should have the same big picture about what you want from your lives and how you want to make a difference.

6. Different Priorities

You: “I want to settle down, buy a house, and live in it until I die.”

Him: “I want to save up, quit my job, and travel the world.”

It wouldn’t. You would constantly fight about how immature he is, how his priorities are screwed up, et cetera.

If you want a relationship to work, you need to find a man who has priorities that align with your own.

7. A Rut Becomes Permanent

There’s no excitement in your relationship. Does that mean it’s doomed?

Ruts are normal, but they shouldn’t be permanent. The thing is: you have to change things, shake them up, to get out of that rut and make sure your relationship stays strong.

How to Fix: Again, completely normal, however, it does take effort to keep a relationship fresh. Go on date nights. Get a sitter. Talk about something other than bills.

8. Arguing All the Time

Research shows that the top three things couples fight about are:

Commitment

Chores

Social media behaviors

You probably can already identify a topic (or three) that you and your partner argue about the most. Tread carefully when that subject comes up.

How to Fix: Work on your communication skills. See a couples therapist, even if you’re reluctant because you will learn how to better talk to one another around those landmine topics.

9. Outgrowing One Another

You no longer love each other the way you once did.

And so it stands to reason that the person you fell in love with back then wouldn’t be right for you now. It’s sad, but it happens far more than you’d think.

How to Fix: Sometimes you can’t fix it. You weren’t meant to be with this man. The best you can do is let it go with grace.

10. It’s Too Much Work

That’s not what a relationship should be.

11. Relying on Someone Else for Happiness

Oh, how many times have I told one of my relationship coaching clients this?

You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.

I usually have that conversation after my client starts complaining about all the things her partner isn’t doing to please her.

“He never says he loves me anymore.”

“He used to bring me flowers.”

“He always wants to hang out with his friends rather than me.”

Now, I’m not suggesting that if these are your complaints that things are rosy, but if you’re looking for happiness to be given to you, you’ll always be disappointed.

You have to find happiness on your own, and that comes from loving yourself.

Conclusion:

Learning why relationships fail can, if you’re willing, make you a better partner next time.

#IFTTT #Meet Positives SM Feed

0 notes